Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

Silas & Dr Kry drabbles: releasing knock-out gas to capture you

Mafia!yandere OC x doctor!yandere OC x reader

Warnings: mentions of basement punishment, mentions of breaking reader, bimbofication(?)

Silas:

You've locked yourself in his office after Silas threatened to throw you into the basement. Him and his men has gathered outside the wooden door. His men want to shoot the door open, but Silas doesn't want any of the bullets to go through and hit you.

"Baby, I'm warning you", he chuckles and feels the door handle. "You're just making it worse for yourself! Come out now and I'll be nicer to you."

Liar. You look around desperately for something to protect yourself with, knowing that he'll find a way in sooner or later.

Silas turns to his men and lowers his voice. "Get the sleep gas."

They nod and run. Silas stretches his neck. He doesn't need the sleep gas, but he's has enough of your childish outbursts. He would rather do everything calm and quietly instead of having you kicking and screaming over his shoulder.

"Y/N, if I were you I'd walk over to the couch", he says. "Or else you'll have a concussion. Your choice."

The men return with the gas and start to pump it under the door. Silas can hear how you gasp and take a deep breath. He chuckles. Do you really think that you can hold your breath and avoid it? Silly thing.

It doesn't take long before he hears your body hit the floor. Silas smiles cockily. Once again, he wins.

"Now, shoot", he says and signals for his second in command to shoot the lock. "They're on the floor, no bullets should hit them."

The second in command shoots the lock until the door bursts open. Silas sees you lying on the carpet, knocked out cold. Of course you didn't listen to him about hitting your head. He walks over and sinks down by your head. Carefully, he caresses your cheek with his rough hand.

"You stupid little thing", he whispers and picks you up in his muscular arms. "You just never learn your lesson, do you? Have to make me do all of this to teach you where your place is. My dumb baby. "

Your head automatically slump onto his shoulder. Silas breaks out into a smile. He adores the feeling of having you in his arms — especially when you're not struggling or throwing punches at him. He walks past his men, towards the basement stairs. This time, he'll break you.

Dr Kry:

You’ve locked yourself in a medical supply closet to prove a point to Dr Kry. You know everything about the poisoned air purifier. Normally, he'd unlock the door and grab you, but not this time. Not when you're this frantic. Not long after you can hear a heavy knock at the door.

“If you don’t come out now, I’ll have to take matters into my own hands, Y/N”, Dr Kry says warningly with his forehead pressed against the door. "I don't think you want that!"

You look around, but there's nowhere to go. No window, no door, no vent. Panic sets in.

Dr Kry goes to get the gas, figuring that it'll be easier to unlock the door without you butting in. If you start to scream and cause a scene, the other doctors will be suspicious ... and stick their nose in Dr Kry's business. Maybe even take you from him. The thought makes him shudder. They'll misunderstand. You're just scared, nothing more.

He returns and start to pump it under the door.

"Don't be alarmed, Y/N", Dr Kry says. "Just take deep breaths for me and I will get you out of there shortly."

"No, no, no!" you panic. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

You try to unlock the door, but he forces it shut. He changes his mind. You're going to pay for your actions. You have to learn from your mistakes. It's for your own good.

He waits for a minute before he pulls up his keys from his pocket and unlocks the door. You're lying on the floor in your hospital gown, fresh tearstains on your cheeks. Dr Kry picks you up in his arms and sit on the floor for a moment, just to feel your wonderful body. He rests his head on yours, sighing. You're too scared for your own good. He has to take better care of you.

"Let's get you back to bed", he says, knowing that you can't hear him. "I'll restrain you, you don't have to be afraid of yourself anymore. I'll take every measure to make sure you're safe."

Dr Kry kisses your forhead and stands up, walking back to your room.

What would happen if we actually got a chance to kiss Suit during the whole “Treat me like Ray,” thing?

"Treat me like Ray!"

Do you want to know why Suit Saeran asks you to treat him like Ray of all people? Do you really want to know if it hasn't already made its frank appearance in front of you? Ray is allowed to feel emotions. All of them, from happiness, joy, sadness, and misery. He can feel them all because he was crafted to not only be useful to Rika, but to be her idealized son to make up for her actions against Mother Choi.

But, in the case of Saeran, he's nothing of the sort.

He's built on anger and animosity. He has to be angry and if he's not then he'll be destroyed. Ray was destroyed for something as simple as love. He loved you with everything in his heart, but that wasn't in the cards for him. Ray can't have love because it gets in the way of a plan created by Rika and furthered by him. He can't do something in paradise that goes against the grain.

Love made him turn against the Savior and the only safe place they had left. What can Ray and Saeran do if they have to leave Mint Eye? They would die out there, even with an MC, because Saejoong would find them in a matter of days the minute he noted something. It isn't hard for that man since he's got eyes and ears everywhere looking for his sons.

They can't turn to V or Saeyoung, they'll been programmed to want to imprison those two, or at best, kill them.

Saeran is only allowed to be angry and spiteful at the world around him. That is the only thing he can have and he's angry about that. If you put yourself in his shoes, it might make more sense. Imagine... you wake up in pain, you're distressed and dazed, and the first thing you hear is that Ray went against everything you both agreed to not do in the name of some stranger you barely know, and this suffering is because of that.

How stupid could Ray be to dream?

How dumb is Ray to fight against the only thing that's keeping them safe and alive?

Who cares if they're miserable and broken, this is the only place to breathe a single ounce of fresh air without the threat of their dad on the prowl!

You don't hate Ray for dreaming and wanting more out of life. You don't hate him for being himself and many people don't understand that. But, you feel contempt at the situation. You're angry the Savior punished him for doing what Ray does best, but there's nothing you can do but do what you do best. Destroy Ray's hopes and dreams so you have a small fighting chance of survival in the only place left that will keep you alive.

Does that make you feel good?

It doesn't make you feel good.

Saeran wants to crush Ray before Mint Eye crushes him first. Is it the right thing to do? No. It's not the right thing to do. But, he feels like it is the only option. It's also why he tries to beat you down. He sees the world in your eyes and knows—he just knows that you're going to die like Ray will if you don't learn how to survive the "right way". He has to do what the strength of Mint Eye tells him to do, no matter what, and if you don't learn how to adapt, you'll be just as dead as Ray.

Contrary to what some people believe, Saeran doesn't want Ray to suffer, nor does he want you to die. He wants you both to understand that there's no point in trying to fight against Mint Eye. You'll always lose and he'll always wake up in the basement after Ray's heart ends up broken time and time again. Give up, accept that anger is the one and only way to live because that's what he's had to do.

That's his life and that's all it will ever be.

But, you know what, deep down, Saeran doesn't want to live that way for the rest of his life. He wants to be soft... he wants to be loved... he wants to know what warmth feels like. But, he can't have that. Look... Ray was just tortured for kissing you. He was struck over and over in the basement until he nearly disappeared for good.

Do you think that Saeran is going to risk losing his life over the same thing?

Do you think he'll let himself disappear for good knowing that Ray might have to suffer again without him there to take over and do what has to be done? Do you think he'll let you be killed for fighting the Savior when he knows there's something about you that makes him feel confused and perplexed about what he thinks it means to be strong?

When Suit Saeran says, "Treat me like Ray," he's asking you to show him what love feels like without the threat of being sent down into a dirty basement with nothing but beatings and elixir at his throat. He wants to know what made Ray turn against his fears and fight Rika in the way that made him wake up in a crumpled heap. If he pretends to be Ray, then only Ray could get into trouble.

Saeran can't get into the same trouble if it happened to Ray instead.

If Ray is being soft... vulnerable... loved... then Saeran can't get hurt because he's playing a "game".

He's using Ray as a cover to learn what he doesn't understand, but the reason why he won't ever be happy with you treating him like you treat Ray is simple. He's not Ray. He can never be Ray. So, he can't be happy with you treating him like Ray when all he wants to do is to be treated like Saeran... and for you to do that, he would have to be okay with being loved as Saeran, rather than trying to pretend to be Ray in a horrible attempt to learn what it means to be vulnerable.

That's why Saeran shuts down when you don't give him what he wants—because it's not what he wants and if you had given it to him in that moment, it would've just cemented the fact that he is a cruel monster who isn't meant to do anything but destroy, and that is the outcome that leads to Bad Ending 2, where he pushes you too far in anger and then realizes too little, too late what he truly wanted to be with you.

If you would have kissed him in that moment, it wouldn't have made him happy and it wouldn't have done anything to change the situation at hand. The only thing you would be confronted with is one simple fact. And unfortunate reality where he pushes you too far after you try to give him what you think he wants and it breaks you. It might involve a different road to get to the end but the final product will be the same. There is no doubt in my mind.

Saeran outright confesses this fact in the chatroom AFTER this sequence. He admits that he knows he can only survive in this damn place by playing along with the game his Savior created and you're not going to make him see otherwise. That's a lesson he has to learn by himself. Which, is later pointed out and expanded on when he has his talk with V and then when he apologizes to you about his actions and choices all this time.

Saeran can't pretend to be Ray to be happy.

Saeran needs to be SAERAN to be happy.

Miraculous Ladybug really has a major problem of giving the illusion that things are progressing. Like they'll do things to make it seem like the show status quo is changing only for in the long run, not a lot of things change.

The heroes get power ups? Barely uses them.

A bunch of Miraculous Heroes are choosen? The show doesn't even bother exploring these new heroes having to struggle balancing a double life like Adrien and Marinette nor do we see them form bonds with their kwamis (seriously, having the heroes be temporary is frankly dumb since you think you would want as many heroes as possible given how many Akuma attacks there are).

Alya learns that Marinette is Ladybug? it changes thing slightly but not enough to have a lasting impact (and makes moments such as Alya falling for Lila lies at the end of season 4 even more fustrating).

Adrien learns that Nino, his best friend is Carapace? Nothing is done with that.

And that's not even getting started on the snail pace progression of the love square.

Very long ask so I'll be hiding my reply under the cut so this isn't too much to scroll by

Yeah, most development in mlb is either walked back on, forgotten, or purposefully ignored. And it's not like this is some sort of intentional in-universe reason to show character regression. It's moreso the show trying to force specific narratives, even if it doesn't line up with where the characters should be, knowledge and development-wise.

For example, an episode like Animaestro, with its plot of Marinette teaming up with Chloe to sabotage Kagami, shouldn't have occurred after an episode like Frozer, where Marinette decides to put aside her feelings to help Adrien on his date with Kagami. Or another example where specific characters are left out of plotlines because the knowledge they hold could break their desired narrative into pieces (absence of Alya and Su-han in Kuro Neko, absence of Viperion in Strike Back).

Miraculous Ladybug is... well pardon the pun... miraculously amazing at acting like things are changing, that there's drama, that there's stakes. But you look at the show in its entirety and all its really been doing is going around the same circle. The LS still can't move past shallow affection, no progress has been made towards finding the villain (despite the fact that they HAVE information that could easily lead them to the villains identity) and he's only become more powerful, any other character that isn't the main duo or HM eventually find themselves getting screwed over writing-wise for the Love Square. (Though the main duo and HM are screwed over in that department too, it's just more painful with the rest of the cast)

If the cast of this show was ALLOWED to change and grow, to not be puppeteered into specific instances that don't line up what we previously have seen of them, then yes I'd believe there is development in this show. But there's none; you're right in calling it an illusion, because any possible development, even the SMIDGES of it, are eventually erased, as though it was imaginary to begin with. And somehow people eat that up, probably because this show just gives you nothing that you'll take the scraps. That's just sad 😮‍💨

As an aside: I always HATED the temporary hero rule. For me, it was one of the greatest upholders of this status quo yo bs mlb is stuck in. Because, since they're not permanent, they can only exist for a fleeting moment, and then continue on not affecting the plot. I get it I get that this show is gonna be Ladybug and Chat Noir, but maybe don't introduce the idea of other heroes if you wanna be oh so focused on your main two heroes. Then again, I personally wish there was a third permanent hero (the Alya stuff in s4 was poorly executed it could've been neater in an earlier season, not after s3 where she devolved to only shill for the LS) because it would've been a neat way to shake up the status quo in the long run and not be walked back on.

Do you have any advice for someone who feels stupid? I can barely do basic math and I'm an adult. I know I'm smart in my own ways, but I still feel ashamed when I can't do basic things like math or easy science or other things. Meanwhile, it's so easy for other people and when I'm with my friends, I can't help but feel dumb sometimes. They'll talk about things and I can barely keep up. I just nod along to what they say. It's embarrassing.

Okay, I couldn't let this one wait until later. I gotta answer this one now.

First of all, Anon, I'm sorry you feel that way, but believe me, you're not dumb just because you struggle with math and science. Not everybody is wired to understand that stuff so easily, and that's okay. It doesn't devalue you because you struggle.

My sister loves loves loves history. You give her a random year and she could probably spit off 5 things that happened that year, and a lot of them I have no idea what they are. She and my granddad would talk all the time about history, and I'd just sit there sometimes going I have no idea what they're talking about. Like one time they talked for three hours about the ramifications of the Cold War, and I had like nothing to offer to that conversation, and I felt super bored and left out even though I'm a pretty smart guy. History just isn't my thing.

You've got some options here though, Anon, as far as advice goes.

If you want to have a better grasp of what they're talking about, then find out some things they like to talk about and things they talk about often and do a quick Google search about it and learn a little bit about what they're talking about.

If you wanna get better at basic math, practice some in your spare time. Another Google search can give you some basic problems to practice.

If there's a friend in your group you feel comfortable talking about this stuff with, do it. If they really are your friends and care about you, they'll either help you to understand better or they'll be more careful about including you in a topic you all can freely discuss.

Maybe you could ask your friends questions when they talk about those things? I know it'll be awkward and embarrassing at first, but if you ask the right kind of "why" questions, you'll be enhancing the conversation and offering something, and the answers may surprise you.

Or have the group discuss something you excel in and teach them a thing or two. I have every confidence you're pretty damn smart, so find something you like talking about and teach them something new.

Nothing is going to change unless you make some kind of move to change it, Anon. I definitely understand where you're coming from, and the best thing(s) you can do is learn a couple of things along the way and be honest with your friends. If they're your friends, they'll be supportive and helpful.

I don't know if this is what you're looking for, Anon, but it's what I've got. Good luck! You know where to find me if you need more help.

Edil's Long Ass Liveblog! s2e3 edition!

Okay so I have a lot of feelings about this episode, but I’ve gotta say it might be my favorite episode of desperado so far? Like I’m a MASSIVE fan of someone to dance with and the ending of s2e1 is a scene that will echo in my brain until I fucking die, but this one just had so much in it...like so much. Multiple things that i was like “wow I hope this shows up in desperado eventually!” happened this episode, and I feel just elated. Anyways enough pre liveblog rambles, here’s the tea.

also you know how it takes me like forever to finish an ep every Monday because I keep doing dumb shit and pausing to rant? Experienced today’s ep over a span of FIVE HOURS and let me tell ya I regret nothing I would do it again.

Also included: A running calculation of how much blood elio has vs. his usual amount. Ill put all that in red in cast that’s all you want this post for.

Okay the beginning of the ep is very rough. I was trying to make food and coffee and liveblog and listen at the same time and it did NOT work, so i paused to cook for a bit. A little sparse to start but I go back

minute one

Joan joining the girlboss covered in blood gang welcome. SEVEN MEN though? and they'll shoot you on site? sorry just how many guns do Americans have here?

IS THIS WHY THEY'RE IN FLORIDA????

more crown lore i find out & the more info i get about england the more fucked up this is

minute four

oh yeah that teleportation whit would fuck Shinji up huh? Didn't think about that 

tempest is here?? Oh I thought she had them on priority shipping 

[not edited afterthefact:] Minutes 1-3 had a lot of intersting stuff in it, but the cogs to analysis that haven't started turning in my brain yet. However, I was gonna say who's Coleman?/so the academy and the royal colleges are a DIFFERENT interesting/were they bad?/he's dead??/cece my love!! You are profound and unsettling.

Joan's whole dawn witch thing probably means she can heal up her tongue though, right? If she just learned to sign it

minute five

“you're the locals” no??? 

oh there she goes lol 

Catrina was like fuck mortality I don't need mortality also hello but please do away I'm scared for elio  [i cannot decipher this either]

I've gotta instance [???] maam I really don't think you'll survive that

minute six (okay here’s where the dozzy starts)

get his ass Shinji you are the only person with sense here

I mean Talia and elio are more powerful by proximity to home and Catrina killed an inquisitor no problem when she first awoke and that was before elio got training, so there's some precedent to say maybe theyre powerful enough to take on inquisitors but ??? I don't know they really don't have enough Intel to make that plan like it's nothing. Like, as soon as they wage the first battle they're gonna be TARGETS so they need to sit down with a map and research what places are in closet proximity that they can hit before they get discovered that yield the most net gain in allies but that's super underground information and these gods lost power like half a fucking century before the internet was invented???? I mean mind you maybe I'm just concerned about info going outdated because of a personal research endeavor. Maybe that's not something to worry about! But sorry the United States is a country with an INCREDIBLY diverse landscape (because it's FUCKIG MASSIVE) and idk! Maybe they have enough ancestral knowledge that it's not a worry but unfamiliar geopoliticial situations will FUCK. YOU. UP. I'm scared for them??? I don't know how warranted that is though there's just so many factors

and sorry not to wave around my general concern for democracy but England has been having king's for fucking ever. How is a centralized earth-connected power going to fare in the US which is much larger and I THINK made up of 3 countries depending  on how far this is going I still think this might have something to do with plate tectonics but I don't remember jackshit about American plates those are BORING. There are tons of ethnic groups native and nonnative vying for sovereignty? How big of a concern will that be? How can we guarantee that whoever gets a right to this new crown will have the interests of religious people in mind because tempest is still a witch and she clearly has no great love for them. Tempest mentioned something about the people wanting a wartime leader so the position of queen is probably at least somewhat elected but that's also a life position and is that enough? How do we know this host won't just become TOMITS to the left?

Many thoughts. Many questions. I'm definitely over thinking things at least a bit. But ??? War is not something you bumble into you are three people. THREE!!! What do you know about the suppressed religions of America's?? Their priorities and their values and morals?? How are you gonna do diplomacy without that knowledge?? War is like...a big deal lmao

"Just gonna find some food" ass you would be the first to perish in a Russian winter

go OFF king. You right 

oh.

OH???

interesting

besties I don't think geopolitics applies here

this is...this makes sense. Push a big enough house of cards over and a few of em will land where you want, right? Huh. 

minute seven

Shinji's proof that anxiety is a superpower when it's fucking warranted. That recoveries gonna be ROUGH taking notes but god they really need someone without godly hubris rn

Shinji??? Stop that??? Why are you in the air like fucking Rudolph can they not see you????

WHITE MIDDLE AGED STEVE JAMES CHRIS ——HELP it is too early in the morning to be laughing this loud. I know this is like an intense thing but also [Wheeze emoji] SORRY. As someone who also goes by one of those names. Yeah.

right, angel shit, I forgot. 

WAIT SO SHINJIS WINGS CAN GLOW ENOUGH TO BE I DESTINGUISHABKE FROM BIRDS WINGS?????? SO I DONT HAVE TO FUCKINF PAINT THEM????? HELLO????? or can angels have various wings...idk but they're so hard to paint man

minute eight

[re: shinji @ SJC] ominous ass what is wrong with him? This poor man

BITCH the FUCK

HELLO???? WHY THE FUCK??? CAN YOU NOT BE FUCKING NORMAL FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMN IMMORTALITY SAMEDI WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????

OOPS????

oh god why do I love [samedi] so much he sucks so bad.

minute nine

the old man loves cars. Yeeeeah that's why they're in Florida.

ope.

Hrunkgougkl?

[ID: the blinking whited guy meme.]

my brains buffering while I process the idea that a show can just be overt about racism in a way where POC have power but don't go unaffected by what's happening. Like LMAO get fucked it also WHEW.

OH I just realized what he was about to say. Yeah get FUCKED Shinji may I present ally of the year award. I don't think they're come up with any new slurs, so first of all, raw line. Not like in a way that it's cool? But, like, raw. Descriptors fail me. Also yeah that just went way over my head the first time. Too caught up in the high of Shinji murderous efficiency that I forgot the n word exists.

minute ten

OH YOU CHECKED HIM. YOU CHECK HIM FOR SURE If one is my friends desecrated the corpse of a violent racist I simply would not be disturbed. Rip to Shinji but I'm different.

“Now you're gonna make the kid cry?” No honey he told you there are two options and one of them is leaving your ass stranded and the other one is Steve James Chris.  Good for him.

The Baron and la Catrina are so goddamn annoying but I also like them a lot.

GET. HIS. ASS. GODTAMER!

what's wrong with elio tho. Nothing, right? Haha ....he's fine right?

deja Vu, god...fucking Florida. If Shinji feels one more SUD of pain I am going to collapse an die actually.

minute eleven

"like a garrison" that's really funny

minute twelve

oh this one has architecture, that's rare.

"yeah we hate to see it" THANK you talia.

minute thirteen

"a church is a church" thank you elio for this insight (joking, it was all very helpful) Please do arson? If I say pretty please can they do a dramatic arson? Please?

you know how you could creat chaos? Arson.

sorry but you don't edit explosions that good and make me not wanna pack as many as possible into an episode.

"we were three gods in a Prius" okay danger here I get that, that sucks, but this is really funny.

SO MANY SOUNDS AT ONCE, GOD.

minute fourteen

I really wish they discussed details on how The barons bone manipulation powers work and to what extent. Like I know they expected this to be easy but I'm still in the camp of Mr. 1 hit KO should know how he can feed Mr. And Ms.  "a Corpse is a power source if you know what your doing," yk, for situations like this

the Baron is playing GTA.

"weaknesses let's say" Jesus Christ. Shinji in one of the most triggering fucking situations on earth with all his friends fucking gone...god, ow. Sure Shinji might be a fictional entity that doesn't actually expirience emotions but I'M not

I'm gonna project into Shinji so hard actually I'm gonna write something that caters to me and like 2 other people it's gonna be wonderful

Not now ofc [I edit out all the timestamps of these for formatting but I need you to know this was sent at 10:11 and the first message was sent at about eight am. My brain needs to SIMMER on shit so...addressing a valid concern]

I am just over ¼ of the way through this episode holy fuck

episode fifteen

everything Shinji does this eintire episode has me going YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!  thank you tibet for this fucking delivery thank you Samy for the content holy FUCK.

HELP LMAO

minute sixteen

"surely that's not gonna work"  you're honor they're so fucking stupid like yes, she's essentially an incredibly adaptive immortal general who emphasizes protecting the weak and the prosecuted, stan-able behavior. Digital maps, though? Preposterous. One thing I love about desperado is it doesn't ask you to maintain a high level of emotional tension for an extended period of time outside of the really big climatic moments, there's enough not depressing shit to latch onto that it feels like sure I can't swim but I'm wearing a life jacket, which, for how the topic of race effects the target audience, is very useful and appreciated! The whiplash still gets me though I will NEVER get used to it and I don't think I want to

minute seventeen

I know we're only getting Joan in flickers and moments but I like her so much more in this season than the last. Fucking hated Joan before.

minute eighteen

”it was much more difficult without bassim” WHERE THE FUCK IS HE IM GONNA CRY WHERE IS MY GEM MY BELOVED RUBY MY LITTLE TINKERER HELLO?????

minute nineteen

I wonder exactly why the calisar affects and yes I'm sleeping that wrong for sure. Like Asher could handle it and he's a witch of like medium strength? (Placing Joan at medium high and tempest and Caleb at High, it's tuff competition I'm not trying to put him down) but he was a witch? How does it affect crusaders? How about other religious people, the Baron seemed to refer to it like a drug so he'll probably be okay. Hm. I guess we'll see.

Catrina clearly isn't as young as I thought but her manifestation is definitely new. Hm. Ruled an empire for hundreds of years...

minute twenty one

OOOOH JOAN PLEASE INTRODUCE SIGNING SPELLS TO THE AMERICAN WITCHES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THAT'S SUCH AN EDGE. Asl is hard but it's not THAT hard and signed exact English isn't, yk, culturally ideal but it should for for translating spells into silence so you only really need to learn the words...

minute twenty two

Shinji smart as fuck evaluating exactly where he can push the God's buttons. That's useful info (edited)

minute twenty four

holy shit this crown lore what the fuck

minute twenty five

LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE BRITISH CHARACTER MADE ME FALL ON LOVE WITH THEM BY FORCE I HAD NO FUCKING CHOICE IN RHE MATTER THAT THE FUCK

minute twenty six

this fucking wierdo doesn't know hot to breathe I love her

joans pulls an all nighter then is like "GOTTA GO FEED THE BLOOD CELLS" and passes the fuck out what an oddball I love her.

minute twenty seven

she's gonna stab this old man

I'm sorry but I need to dissect Joan like a frog in a middle school biology lab actually

minute twenty nine

for reference, two eintire bodies worth of blood is something like 6 times the usual amount elio is able to carry from himself

if she takes from the three guards that increases to about 16 times the amount of blood, adding some for roughly ten percent blood mass I've been dropping for estimations and assuming all of these people are roughly elio's size, and seeing as they're prison guards and worshippers of mr.holy steriods I'll give myself that

Shinji deserves this nap but oh boy wow

THEIR BODIES MOVE AGAIN WHEN I SAY I CHOKED AND FUCKING GASPED IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?????

SWOON

GONNA ADD MECROMANCING DANCIN TO MY TALIA PLAYLIST THIS IS GEEAT THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME

minute thirty

AND WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY ABOUT THE JDGKDHOSHSKS T RHEBFIFGCIDBTA IN SHD FUCKING THIS BRANCHING INTO A WAR OF MEDIA AND PERCEOTION????? SCREMAINING AMD L9OK9NG MY SHIT GEREVSKSHSKS IM SO 3XICTDJDIFNRJDKSH

minute thirty one

THE FUCKINF EXPONENTIAL GROWTH OF BATTLE DID I NOT MENTION THIS????? oh my god being wrong is a blast but being right is a blast in a different direction knashing my fucking teeth kicking screaming hooting hollering and generally boogieing down this is SO COOL

 I was gonna say I recognized the pattern of that speech but did not at all click translation appreciated

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE JUST DO TO HIM?? SOME SORT OF RED PLAGUE EQUIVALENT TRANSFORMATION?????

title spotted but in fucking wait

[translation Inaccute please see notes. Would you believe this was the first time I looked up what desperado means? kinda slow upstairs]

minute thirty two

Shinji Calls them stone demons so yeah, right? La catrina's using the crystal elio swallowed in episode 14 (what was is called again???) And that la Catrina is subpresding from taking over him to spread the red plague to whoever she wants to make more soldiers is actually deeply disturbing in some sense but really really cool in others I love how that episode tied back into the plot holy fuck

minute thirty three (another analysis heavy one, this time the baron and black masculinity)

the fact that Shinji keeps calling them their names also, god. IS SAMEDI GIVES TALI A FUCKINF NICOTINE ADDITION FOR HIS BULLSHIT I AM GOING TO STRANGLE HIM WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS WHAT A BITCH ASS USELESS FUCKING CLOWN SHE CLEARLY WOULDNT WANT THAT

I need to do more research on the nitty gritty of Haitian culture but i suspect it also falls into the overlap of American/carribean black culture in how black men feel a particular sense of entitlement to the bodies and labor of black woman like I adore the Baron as a character and I don't know if this was on accident, probably? but some of the shit he says and does so directly reflects black misogynior it makes me want to hurt him. I'm gonna say now though that nonblack people do not fucking critique him from that perspective. The line between valid criticisms of black men and racism with some white feminist glitter on top is fucking blurry, and even from black men and women the conversation too quickly descents into generalizations that stem from trauma and create a false sexual dichotomy that drives internalized race and colorism deeper into our community so when I say it's touchy, stay the fuck away, I mean that. Black men are still black and they're beautiful and they're allies and father's and uplifters, organizers and caregivers, and individuals who's value is not at all correlated to the labor they can offer others and their community but the Baron can go FUCK himself also. I'm gonna kill him

 I'm sorry but at the circus Talia directly expressed a dislike for the concept of coping with substance and that's such a fucked up choice to take away from somebody.

Oh God it's been an hour lmao [I got into a DIFFERENT conversation about themes of race in podcasting because im fucking asdklfasdfhaf edil only wants ONE THING and it’s FUCKING DISGUSTING]

My attention span is healthy and my executives love to function!

minute thirty four

"it was rage...and it latched onto me" LET HIM GO I WILL KILL YOU.

what. What. What what what I have so many things to ...look into? What. Shinji. Alarm

I don't think the massacre of Dojima (doshima?) Was a real event. Theres a violent event that does relate to that name but it's not called that...huh! Shinji is like a magician doing a scarves trick but instead of scarves it's an infinite string of lore and trauma

I need to study Shinji like a cool bug

is "crusaders after Asher" meaning after as in time or after as in chase? Idk

God, if the Baron wasnt in talia's body is give Shinji full rights to tear him to pieces with his bare hands.

get his ass.

minute thirty five

GET. HIS. ASS. GODTAMER. THATS A NAME THATS GONNA STICK NOW.

 "what do you need" is a small line to freak out about but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Frenship :]....love and care, even.

scared for Talia rn but if I don't think about it enough It can't hurt me!

not friendship. Fear. Crying. hate it.

minute thirty six analysis here on catrina's relationship with violence

Again for reference, a 10 litre water cooler of blood is about 1.5 completely drained elio-sized people and 4.95 times the amount of blood he usually has on hand

I'm SO conflicted because on one hand Catrina can go FUCK herself right now but on the other hand I think I recognize the pattern of behavior as like, She knows Talia and the Baron will be fine, or at least things she knows, and she know she and Shinji aren't friends and therefore can't offer comfort because like fuck he's gonna accept that. So she's got priorities and it's a situation that means no way you spin it can Shinji get his needs met without derailing something major but of course HE doesn't know that he has no way of knowing he just has to endure the bullshit and it's not fair but they're fair from reaching the kind of world where fairness can be a concern. HOWEVER, I find it very very interesting that elio know Catrina as a very matronly goddess, someone who took care of her people first. However, and this makes me think towards what Samy said about Catrina not being the goddess elio think she is in that one Tumblr post that made me loose my shit because HELLO? She seems much more overtly war focused as if taking care of people is secondary. Now, there's a high chance she switches additudes with the environment, as most people do, but it's interesting to me how her constant ignoring of Shinji's expressions of emotion, though she is NOT invulnerable —and I think I might spy the pattern of having one character be largely unphased by another's expressions of power so that when that person, in this case Shinji, really well and truly blows up towards the climax, the observing character (catrina's) reaction of open fear and shock is a queue to the audience that shit is well and truly really spiralling outa control now — stands in direct contrast with Elio's perception, also curious about how this might reflect Mexican femininity if that's a part of this

minute 36

omg haha are you ignoring the inherent immorality of utilitarian revenge for the instinctual satasfaction of bringing a sense of justice for the grievances and atrocities committed against you and yours to the horror of possible allies and with an amount of collateral damage that will eventually be your victorious downfall in that the soil of the kingdom you now rule is rich with the blood of everyone who could have hurt your but still too desolate to plant the seeds of a new world ? Haha that's so cool...

[ID: the debby ryan hair tuck meme]

and I think elio's gonna balance the violence back out to it's some murder some sincere caring and that is chefs kiss

I hope lmao

I actually love disgusting wet and repulsive sounds design portraying biological slights against God rip to Shinji but I'm different.

FROGGIE? [i have priorities, clearly]

minute thirty eight

Samar would fucking hate this btw

like yes war of perception, perception is fear which creates demons but I think with her approach to fighting demons she'd be morally repulsed by the idea of breeding fear in the people you're trying to free. Sexy sexy conflict

minute thirty nine

no yeah "there are no innocents in these lands" places ya squarely in you can do fuck yourself territory. I hope Shinji fucking decks her.

minute fourty

dreamy sigh Shinji's such a fucking badass I think he should wreck shit more often I think he might enjoy arson he should do arson!

minute fourty

"perpendicular to the ground" ANIME SHIT—RAD.

Out of my chair

SHINJI MAKES HIS FAITH SHINJI MAKES HIS CONVICTION DID HE JUST FUCKING MAKE IT HEREDITARY?? OBSESSED WITH THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT THREAT AND ALSO AAAAAAA HES SO COOOOOOOOL

minute fourty one

[re:samar] Ah he said it.

End of EP

yk, I'm happy with that

Fucking heaping serving of everything I could've wanted. 10/10.

in conclusion

after mellowing on it I mean...I have SO many thoughts. But my head is also super fucking empty at the same time. All of it was perfect, like, what? What do I even do about it? i just gush I guess.

You wanna bring up a moot point? Alright we can bring up a fucking moot point. I'm so glad I have today off. Let me ask you this first; have you ever grown up with a narcissist? A parent, sibling, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent? Now let me ask you if you've ever been in a long term relationship with a narcissist? Have you really? Look up traits of one and you'll be surprised. I grew up with one, I was also in a 7 year long relationship with one. You know how mentally fucked you get with one? You walk on eggshells, homie. Kate said, "I feel like I have to walk on egg shells!" You learn to do what they want to keep things happy, or as happy as you can make it while still feeling on edge. What did Kate do, more than once too? Things for Yelena to MAKE HER HAPPY. Spoilers!!!!! What did Yelena not do for Kate? I'll spell it out for you, BE THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE NEEDED IT MOST. You know what a narcissist also does? They'll sometimes give you the cold shoulder, yes I understand Kate did that and gave quick, cold responses. You know what they also do? They fucking force things when the other person CLEARLY isn't agreeing to it. Kate did not in any fucking way indicate she wanted Yelena to drop her LIFE for her. Kate understands one person's side, Yelenas side. She understands she has a process, she understands Yelena has a bunch of things she wants done because she's set and stone. You know what Kate wanted? One goddamn night. One. A single fucking night for her wife to BE THERE and support her for one. Single. Fucking. Night. Narcissists can be rash, guess who was? Yelena!!!!! Never would have guessed, huh? "We've talked about going here so I'm gonna get us tickets to Norway to be there!!!! Even though you probs hate me!!!!" Bitch what? What was it, like 10 hours that they were happy together? I don't give a rats swollen asshole if she thought things were getting better at that cabin - when someone is that angry, especially in a long term relationship, you do not do dumb irrational bull shit like decide you want to take a 3 week trip to fucking Norway. That's control bitch.

Wait...lol...I don't think Kate ever said she had to walk on eggshells??? I literally just searched through my notes because I obviously don't remember EVERY single line they've said and nothing came up. I'm 95% sure she never said that.

DOUBLE WAIIIITTTTTTTTTTT...Yelena didn't buy the tickets that night. Just like the ring, this was bought before they got there. Yelena arranged the trip prior to any of this blowing up.

Also......I totally understand how people's life experiences affect the lens through which they consume content so I'm not trying to diminish that in any way, but...I think calling Yelena a narcissist is...a stretch. Yelena fucked up and was selfish as hell for a while but...a narcissist??? I wouldn't go that far.

I think it's important to learn to [K I L L] your love

...at least for people like me that are similarly Brain Weird and thus Form Obsessions Easily.

Anyway all this to say I Killed My Love!!! It was easy!!! It was swift!!! It's almost as if i had never loved at all!!!

That's a lie of course, but winners write the history that gets later told and as the only survivor I am letting you know that I Killed My Love and I Lived.

People in the future will ask me if i ever loved them at all, and I'll say "yes of course, at some point, but it was so long ago that thinking about it now it sounds so dumb and stupid and juvenile and genuine."

And they'll ask me what i think of love and I'll say "Love is nothing to be attached to, love comes and goes, love is useless, love is useful, Love Will Be Nothing Special and you'll be disappointed in how easy you let go of it."

I am disappointed in myself to be honest. It was too easy. I claimed to Love in a pure way but the truth is that as any flawed human being my Love was flimsy and fake and nothing worth dying for.

My Love was nothing. Nothing at all. That's the heartbreaking part.

I proved to myself that in the same way i can never truly love others, no one else will truly love me in the ways I want to be loved.

So when I choked my Love to death, I cried tears not for them but for myself, knowing that I was killing something that I'd once considered precious. Knowing that i was cutting off a part of myself i once thought was the only good part of me.

I've been left hollow, but with the realization that there was nothing filling the empty space from the start. I am left hollow, but i am left Whole.

I killed my love in 3 easy steps. I killed my love one morning in which i decided to change. I killed my love the moment I realized it would never survive on their own.

When I killed my love it was a mercy to myself.

When I killed my love, I did it as an act of love as well.

Penitence and Devotion, both at once, that is what it takes to kill your love.

--

FAQ:

1) Are you talking about killing a real living person?

Of course not my dear reader, this is all a story covered in metaphors.

2) Are you happier now?

Truth be told, I am unsure. If anything, I feel lonelier. But then again, that is my natural state most of the time because i suffer from Brain Weird Syndrome, which means that unless someone is literally by my side and talking directly to me I assume i no longer exist for others.

That's a real problem because I love my friends! ...But most of the time I assume I am not important to them. Which, even if it was true, it shouldn't bring me down so much.

That's all the time for questions we have today thank you.

no anon ig time to get exposed ;-; djhfbfjdjd

anyways can i request yoru , phoenix , jett , and killjoy with a chaotic reader who is also very clumsy ? tysm dhdbdndnjdn

welcome to my page lmao,, don't worry we're all simps over 2d characters here- except that i wasn't sure whether this is for simping since you didn't specify so- uh up to interpretation

Yoru

-edgy statue, hyper human

-he WILL NOT help you for the first slip up of each day

-and WILL laugh at you

-meanie.

-catches you after the first one though, acts so annoyed by it whenever he stops your face from kissing the ground instead of him jkjk unless??

-usually either grabs you by the hood of your jacket or holds you still with his hand on your shoulder

-isn't usually up for your chaotic antics unless it's against phoenix

-he 110% joins if it includes messing with jamie ONG.

-if you tell him your plan and he thinks you'll get in mad trouble for it, he's picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder

-he then walks off in the opposite direction with you trying to get out of his grasp lol

"you're going to get hurt, idiot."

Phoenix

-both of you are terrible istg

-shaking my head stupid mindless humans

-valo proto is so sick and tired of both of y'all like omg stop running around??

-y'all have ran into viper and reyna when they drink coffee and they're this 👌 close to murking y'all

-you clumsy? bro he sees you fall and somehow he falls too like huh destiny bond what

-tries to body block your fall

-STRAIGHT UP DIVES LOL?

-also 2000% down if it's trolling yoru

-after you both tire out they'll find y'all sleeping in the most uncomfortable poses in the living room

-neon throws two big blankets over your bodies and walks away

-NOT before raze takes embarrassing photos of your sleeping faces

-she sends them in the group chat after lmao

"let's stick toilet paper on yoru's pants!"

Jett

-half up to it, half not up to it

-she joins in if it's a little fun but not if she knows she's gonna maaaaaad piss someone off

-also stops you from doing anything too outta the line

-if you're gonna bump into anything or anything/you fall as a result of your very slippery limbs

-she sends a little wind to tilt you or the object back up

-hell, she uses a gust strong enough to push you back into your room if you won't trust her judgement lmao

-funny sight for the other agents and herself as you try your best to walk against it

-other option: you get tickled until you're on the floor dying of laughter

-at the end of the day, she sees how tired you are and offers to share her ramyeon with you ^^

-...eating jett's ramyeon and tteokbokki UGH

-CHEESE RAMYEON AND TTEOKBOKKI AOWIEKEKBWIEH

-sorry off topic

-she loves seeing the smile on your face the second you eat her cooking

"heyyyy, i made your favourite~"

Killjoy

-nope not joining

-will gladly watch though

-might stop you from doing anything dumb but sometimes lets you do it so you learn

-inventor type mindset LMAO

-she WILL stop you if you're planning on using her bots or her lab though

-her priorities are straight or are they? haha wink wink nudge nudge ahowoehekebbe

-honey, she loves you but not enough to sacrifice her botties.

-is not amused when her turret runs off with you

-you feel like you're being chased down? DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE.

-kj hauling ass after you faster than neon ong

-made a gadget that has like gyro sensors and shit that holds you in place if you're boutta fall

-she just gives you the neutral face of displeasure when you come back to her with a bandage bc sage refuses to heal your dumbass 😮‍💨

-will have alarmbot watching your ass for the rest of the day

"nothing wrong with trial and error, but could you please stay put? you have TEN bandages!"

Love Life with Aquarius Woman & 5 Brutal Truths

Aquarius women have long been considered one of the most unconventional signs in the Zodiac and with good reason! This quirky, charming, intelligent, and bold sign can easily turn your world upside down.

But, are you ready for her?

Falling in love with an Aquarius woman can be an easy, almost unavoidable thing to do. However, it doesn't come without its challenges; after all, a woman as outstanding is bound to be complicated.

Her intelligence, her ability and preference to think outside the box, her desire to explore the world in new ways, and her closely-guarded heart will make any attempt at a romantic relationship with this revolutionary sign a bit of an odyssey. It'll be the kind of romantic adventure you'll fondly look back on in years to come.

It can also be just plain challenging, full of bumps and arguments that make for bad memories rather than good.

So how do you make sure you're getting the former and not the latter? By learning as much as you can about Aquarius women as quickly as possible.

Here are five brutal truths about loving Aquarius Woman.

#1. They're obsessed with being authentic.

Aquarius women can't stand the thought of being one of the bunch and will go through all kinds of extremes just to make sure she stands out as unique.

They're often described as weird, quirky, eccentric, or just plain freaky, and while those adjectives fit rather nicely, it's essential to understand that Aquarius women often play up to them.

Make no mistake, Aquarius women are often into unusual things and love some of the weirdest things you can imagine, but they also tend to be a bit performative in their interest; the moment they find something quirky and fun to do, they'll make sure the world knows it.

It's not enough that they're into collecting spiders or photographing other people's auras, oh no, they'll talk about it, and they'll talk about it often, ensuring no one around them can miss the fact that they're so quirky and unique.

It's one thing to be into weird stuff. It's a whole other thing to make that "quirkiness" part of your personality, and Aquarius women tend to do both.

So, if you have unconventional interests, chances are you'll find something in common with an Aquarius woman, just be prepared for her to make a big deal about it.

#2. They're know-it-alls.

No one discusses the fact that Aquarius women are wicked smart and interested in cerebral pursuits. They love learning new things, adore reading non-fiction, are obsessed with collecting all kinds of useless little facts, and generally are always pursuing the opportunity to acquire new skills.

Aquarius women are one of the most brilliant and capable women in the Zodiac, and they'll make damn sure you know it.

Honestly? There's nothing wrong with this. They've earned the right to flaunt and share their knowledge and skills with the world. After all, what good is information if you don't use it? What good is knowledge if you don't share it?

The thing is, Aquarius women are far from humble, and if they're proud of their achievements –as they should be– they'll make it their life mission that you, and everyone else, are aware of them.

She wants people to know she's the smartest and wants people to look up to her. In fact, though she might not voice it, she wants people to feel a little dumb next to her because she knows she rocks that hard.

As you can imagine, this behavior can get quite annoying, so make sure you're ready for it because it's not going anywhere.

#3. They hate romance.

Aquarius women are one of the least romantic creatures in the face of the earth.

Their straightforward, logical, somewhat aloof personality translates to a person who thinks romantic gestures are corny and stupid, and someone who would rather skip all the niceties and superficial gestures and get straight to business.

It's not that they're incapable of love, as this sign loves fiercely, it's more that they prefer to keep their romantic gestures as plain and sincere as possible.

They tend to see traditional romantic acts as performative and not really honest. Flowers and chocolates may be nice, but did you buy those because she likes it or because you think that's what she expects of you?

Long walks down the beach, sunset kisses, expensive dinner dates followed by a movie? Those are perfectly serviceable dates, yes, but are they really what you want to do, or did you choose them because she's a woman and those are the to-go date ideas?

Aquarius women want something sincere, something honest, something that truly reflects what you two like and what unites you as a couple. Giant teddy-bears are good, and all, but they mean nothing if you just get them because you think that's expected of you.

Instead of using movies and pop culture to plan your date, personalize it to make sure it's something she really would love!

If she's into birdwatching, then a picnic in the forest might be better received than a romantic dinner at a restaurant. If she's really into fishes, then a coelacanth plushie will beat a teddy bear every single time.

Forget what the movies have told you. If you love an Aquarius woman, none of those tips will work!

#4. They're incredibly indecisive.

Maybe it's a side effect of their highly active mind, perhaps it's just the way they interact with the world, but Aquarius women overthink just about everything that happens in their lives, and, because of that, they can be incredibly indecisive.

Trust us; an Aquarius woman doesn't take decisions lightly.

Yes, she might be an adventurous spirit always on the lookout for new experiences, but that doesn't make her spontaneous. Far from it, Aquarius women like to consider the pros and cons of all activities she joins and will make their due diligence when it comes to researching and making sure that activity is right for them.

Even when they've done everything in their power to ensure the best possible outcome, they'll doubt themselves and second-guess their choices at any given moment, simply because they're well aware that no one can plan for everything.

#5. She reinvents herself constantly.

If you want to be with an Aquarius woman, you need to be prepared to love her through her many, many phases. None of that 'I hope she doesn't change' nonsense. She will change, and she will change constantly.

She'll explore new interests, try her hand at new hobbies, pursue new objectives, and follow new styles and fashions just to see if it works for her.

Aquarius women want to experience everything the world has to offer and, to do so, they can't allow themselves to be static. They need to be in constant motion, always changing themselves.

If this sounds challenging, it's because it is.

This trait is one of the things people have the most trouble understanding about Aquarius women, but it's the one you need to embrace the fastest to have a happy life with her.

She won't become a different person from one day to the other. Aquarius women are, after all, always loyal to themselves, but she will pull the rug under you just when you think you're getting used to her quirks.

Our advice? Don't try to understand her; just love her as she is.

SFW alphabet with Kuroo Tetsuro

Kuroo x reader

TW: Maybe some swearing

Note: You can also request SFW alphabets for other characters on my character list if you'd like

Template creds:

https://phantom-nen.tumblr.com/post/624557493194047488/sfw-alphabet

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Kuroo is very affectionate. Usually shows it through lots of kisses and hugs.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How did the friendship start?)

He'd probably be the crackhead ass best friend that convinces you to do dumb shit with them.

It would most likely start in middle school in a super cliche way. He'd probably be running in the halls and run into you, say sorry really fast then keep running. And the next day come to give you a real apology and you guys just hit it off.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Kuroo loves to cuddle, and khen cuddling with him, hes always the big spoon. Has your back to him chest with his arms around you, while you're sitting up, chest to chest laying down or on your sides, anything where he can have you super close really.

Hes also the type to be reluctant to letting you get up to use the bathroom because he doesn't want to stop

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Once hes absolutely sure that you're the one, he'll start wanting to settle down. But he won't actually do it till he's ready.

He at least has basic knowledge, he can make spaghetti, rice, a grilled cheese, all of that, but can't do anything super complex. He definitely has potential to learn though.

He's pretty good at cleaning, it just the staying clean part that doesn't always work. I feel like he lives in chaotic cleanliness, meaning it'll look out of order but he knows where everything is. But if you simplify it and put everything into small units or something, he'll be really clean.

E = Ending (If they break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

The longer you've been together, the easier he'll let you down, but the harder it'll be for him.

Depending on why you're breaking up, he'll talk it out with you. If you're going out on good terms, he'll ask if you'd like to stay friends. But if its on bad terms, he'll cut all ties with you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel commitment? How quickly do they want to get married?)

Like I said on domestic, he'll want to settle down and get married once he realizes he's got the right person. Doesn't really care when, as long as youre both ready and able to do it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically, he play fights a lot and gives really tight hugs, but he wont if you ask him not to.

Emotionally, hes pretty soft for you. He'll open up to you when he feels a good amount of trust, and he'll make if clear that he'll be your shoulder to cry on when you need it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Kuroo loves hugs, and he hugs you whenever he can. Usually hugs you in an almost back breaking grip, he might pick you up and spin you around too.

L = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Always said it when you guys were friends, and when you were dating he kept saying it. But never said it in a romantic way till about 10 months into your relationship, so decently fast

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

Kuroo is confident, and doesn't get jealous too often. But when he does, he gets pretty jealous. He'll get super touchy with you, hold your hand, and your waist. If you're talking to someone he'll just stare at them, and drag you away when he reaches his limit.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kuroos kisses are usually rough, and passionate. But they'll be softer if he's in a soft mood.

Kisses your lips and face the most, and if youre short than him he'll kiss your forehead and the top of your head.

He really only ever likes kisses on the lips and jawline. He'll take anywhere else, but those are his favorite places.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Kuroo is the type to get used as a jungle gym by little kids. But he'll probably play tag and hide and seek with them. He's like the fun dad type around little kids, and his parental side come out around them.

When theyre not playing, he's lying down with all of them watching a Disney movie while they're hugging him.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Kuroo likes to sleep in, so mornings with him are spent going in and out of sleep while you hold each other. And once you're completely awake, you'll probably lay in bed for about an hour just talking.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Kuroo is a night owl, so the two of you will stay up, playing games, talking eating, etc. Then you'll go to bed around 1 - 3 am

O = Open (When would they start revealing themselves to you? Do they say everything all at once, or wait awhile to reveal things slowly?)

Since you guys were best friends before you were dating, there wasn't much to open up about. But opening up romanticly took him around 6 months. He's an open book, so there wasn't too much to say, so he said it all at one.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Kuroo is super nonchalant, so he really does ever get mad. It takes a lot to make him angry, so don't expect to see him heated too often

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Kuroo surprisingly remembers a lot about you. He doesn't remember everything you say word for word, but he knows a decent amount. He knows you favorite color, food, family names (even if you've only mentioned them once), favorite flower, etc.

R = Remember (Whats their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first "I love you" will forever be his favorite. It was such a soft and vulnerable moment, he just knew it'd be something he'd never forget

S = Security (How protectively are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Kuroo let's you freely talk to anyone, but if he gets a weird vibe from someone, or youre talking to someone that he knows isn't good, he'll make sure to keep an eye on you.

Normally either keeps his distance and watches you from afar, or stands next to you with an arm around you.

Doesn't really want protection, he wants to be the one protecting you. But if he had to choose, it'd be to defend him when hes mot there to defend himself.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, and everyday tasks)

Kuroo is a very driven and passionate person, so he puts a lot of effort towards your relationship. However, it will falter if he sees that his partner won't reciprocate that energy.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Kuroo likes giving tight hugs, and rough kisses, and he's even rough during play fights. So his bad habit is that sometimes he gets too rough, hits you a little to hard during play fights, and squeezes you too tight during hugs, but nothing that hurts for more than a few minutes.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Again, Kuroo is very confident, so he never gets too concerned with his looks. People even call him bed head, which is probably true. He'll come out of the house without changing his hair from how it was after waking up and still feel like he looks good.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Once he's really into your relationship, he'll definitely feel like something is missing when hes not with you. Hes not clingy about it, but its not the same without you

X = Xtra (Random hc about them)

Kuroo takes a lot of pictures of you to the point where you make up 50% of his gallery. He even has them categorized; selfies, full body photos, cute pictures of you sleeping, you making dumb faces, etc.

Y = Yuck (What are somethings they wouldn't like? Either in general or in a partner.)

Kuroo wouldn't enjoy a partner that has nothing that they strive for. They don't have wants, or a goal, they're just there.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Kuroo moves around a lot in his sleep, but when you're next to him he moves a lot less. And he's a generally heavy sleeper, but tends to wake up if you even get out of bed to use the bathroom.

I guess I'd like to know if you have any advice on how to get over people who clearly don't want you in their lives? Like a lot of the time I'm okay, but then I feel the urge to come back, probably because I have literally nobody (I'm very wary of people and as such not good at meeting new people, and the ones I meet I always drive away a few months down the line anyway) and that can be lonely, but it's clear that they wanted me to leave and have no interest in ever seeing my face or hearing anything I say ever again. All they had to say was "You'll crawl back anyway 🙄". Like they don't want me, they hate me at best and feel completely indifferent towards me at worst, they never reached out to me, didn't check on me, they surely wanted to leave me anyway. But some part of me is like "What if you're a dumb bitch and just misinterpreting everything?" and like I know that that part is wrong and just saying shit because it's lonely and wants to annoy these people again even though that'd be selfish because they don't want me there. Plus even if it weren't selfish, I'm in the second to last year of school which means that in a year they'll leave me anyway and never talk to me again and if I got back with these people now it'd hurt me in a year again.

Also I feel like maybe it's important to say that a lot of these fallouts I have with people aren't directly related to BPD (I mean, some are, but not all) but instead to a trigger. I mean, I don't know if I should call it a trigger since technically I don't have diagnosed PTSD or CPTSD, but they're just things that make me remember traumatic memories that affect me a lot to this day and that shaped me as a person, and when I hear the phrase that makes me relive those things I usually get all anxious and my heart starts beating faster and I get hot flushes and I feel like I need to run away, like I need to run away from everything and everyone close to that phrase or it will happen again, like the situation will literally be recreated in real time by these people sooner or later, so I need to run away before it happens, I need to run because I'd rather die than go through all that again. So to others I suppose it looks like I freak out, start crying, either get really angry or look absent and start saying some wild shit (to me the things make complete sense because they're directly related to the things I went through, but I think that it may sound off-topic or nonsensical to others) and then it devolves into me apologising for no reason (my default response to someone doing something to me or blaming me for something is to apologise. In my life I've just learned that that's the best course of action to minimise the harm, along with just being quiet and taking everything), and then I just leave. Usually I don't show myself there / around the people ever again if those people and the place aren't something I have to be around. If it's like, family or school, I usually don't show up for a few months, often I just tell my doc that I feel totally like shit and suicidal and she sends me to a psych ward for like 3 months. I never really told anyone any of that because it's embarrassing. People already think that I'm a lunatic r*tard for having ADHD (not making this up. A part of my family literally thinks that I should be locked away specifically for that, and when I told some of my peers that I have ADHD, they literally said "You're a r*tard ? But you don't look like one! I thought you were smart!"), I don't need people laughing at me because I have some memories that probably wouldn't make others feel the way I do.

I am so sorry that there are cruel people in the world. I could rant about how they are the very thing they are calling you but ill save my breath. First I'd like to point out that you do not need to be diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD to have triggers. Trauma affects us. Our minds are sensitive and take a long time to heal. It sounds like your trauma leads you to have panic attacks. I used to have that happen to me a lot, its lessened out now so I have maybe one or two a year.

I understand what you mean when you say that the person seems like they don't want you in their life, I've had people do that to me. But in all honesty, its so much better that they aren't in my life. I went through ups and downs when I left/they pushed me away. And I wanted to come crawling back to them. They knew I would and they wanted that because my person was a manipulative b*#$%. I know your person might not be the same as mine but if they don't wanna be in your life then they don't deserve to have you. You are amazing. And no one should be able to take that away from you or make you feel less.

I know its lonely not having friends. I suck at making friends. When I moved across the country for this person and for school I had no one. The person treated me like dirt. And I had no friends. Then I moved home and was excited to have my old friends again. Only to see they didn't care anymore. They had made other friends and wanted nothing to do with me. So I get it. But keep trying to make friends. My biggest thing for me is to be open with people about my mental health from the start. That way you see who stays a lot quicker in than if you were to not say anything till you felt attached. It still hurts to see people leave after you tell them but it hurts less. I know there are lots of jerks in this world but there are a few golden people left.

Now to answer your question of how to get over someone who doesn't want you. It is hard. It won't be easy to clear the hurt but its possible. Talking about to someone and explaining all the emotions helps. But when you don't have anyone who will listen or don't have a therapist then writing out everything is the best option. Write a letter to the person and vent everything you feel. Then you can send it or burn it. I did that a few times, and I burnt the letters. Other ways are providing yourself with some self care. Find something that helps you think clearly and calms you. For me its sitting next to the river near my home or sitting in a hot shower for an hour. It can be anything you find helps as long as its healthy.

I dont know if I answered your question or not but basically it will take time but small things will ease the pain. Don't bottle feelings and be willing to forgive. Forgiveness takes time, im still working on it after 1.5 years. But it will happen.

Thanks for asking and if I can help in anyway im just a message away. ❤

hi! i’ve been following you for a long time, i love the amount of effort you’ve put into your mcs <3 i can’t explain enough how useful your response to the recent ask was. i have my own mcs and i’m really happy with what i’ve created. i keep thinking that i don’t have the necessary skills to write what i want. this sounds dumb but i’m too scared to write even when it’s for my own eyes. but i’ve just been overthinking and your post reminded me of what really matters so i wanted to say thank you!!

I know it's hard to put your heart on paper. You're opening yourself up to your innermost self and that means you have to face your style of writing and the emotions you put into it. But, how can you face your feelings and your creativity if you don't allow yourself to try? If you're scared to fly, you'll never be able to travel the skies and touch all the clouds that it has to offer.

You have to be willing to stumble and trip to make progress. You have to be willing to fail. You won't always fail when you try, but if you want to get to where you want to be in life? You need to try. Try something even if it's scary. That's how I am where I am today. I can tell you with sincerity that posting that draft and sending that message can be the very thing that helps you in life. You have to face your fear, Anon. You have to try even if it's horrifying.

Am I an expert writer by any means? No. Do I have fun and learn more about the world and the way I reflect myself in print? Yes!

Creating things is about having fun. It's not about trying to be the most popular person and chasing what other people want. It's about making yourself happy... and if doing something that you love can be something that makes others happy? By God, that's good, too. Don't discount your passion to please others.

Anybody can write. Anyone can create. Never think you cannot do something because you're not "trained". You have to start out in this world somewhere. Write, my friend. Write something that makes you happy. Passion is something people can see when they are reading a story. I hope you know that people will see your passion for your art... but they'll never see it if you never try.

Write anything you want. I don't care if it's a story where your MC is a half-cat half-human who is beloved by everyone. If that is going to be what makes you happy? Do it. Do whatever makes you happy. Never let someone stomp on your garden. If someone is cruel to you for the art you make, ignore them, block them, and never engage with them. Be yourself, be unique, and be happy. Nothing is cringe.

Although, I am pretty sure if you wrote fanfiction about that cat story... Saeyoung would live-read it to the Messenger with so much adoration in his heart and I don't know if that's scary or sweet.

Hello TWEWY fandom, it's meta time.

TWEWY is filled to the brim with symbolism and hidden meanings, as we all know. Even the partners and their colors when they sync with Neku; I realized, have some depth, and I'm going to articulate my thoughts on it. This is going to be long, so get cozy. 

Shiki

Let's start with the first partner we get. Her theme's red, and Neku's is blue. Before we even delve into this analysis, let's unpack the general symbolism of the colors themselves, because that is important as well.

Red: passion, love, anger, energy, courage

Blue: trust, loyalty, wisdom, intelligence, stability

These two colors are essentially on the opposing sides of the color wheel as well; the only shade darker than blue is purple (which is Neku's theme of his attire but that's not important rn stay with me fellas)

Red & blue are portrayed as opposites in a plethora of media and this is no exception: Shiki is the extroversion to Neku's introversion, the pathos to his logos, bubbly and chipper vs his stoic and reserved demeanor. Neku is outwardly hateful (towards other people and his circumstances), and Shiki is inwardly hateful (she hates herself to the point she doesn't think there's anything special about her)

As expected, they clash vehemently at first. Neku is extremely irritated by Shiki's energy and she is frustrated with how aloof and mean he can be. But as they get to know each other, they become like yin and yang; and Shiki's kinder qualities begin to rub off on Neku which he exhibits in the following weeks. Red is often symbolic of love; and Shiki shows a lot of it: she's very friendly and amiable, sympathizing with total strangers and getting along with almost everyone; but she's pretty feisty too- she gets visibly upset when Neku ignores her and makes himself difficult and she's not afraid to call him out (and she DOES, quite a few times). However, she is still overall kind to him, even when he's prickly; trying her best to be patient with him and her gentleness eventually wins him over.. eventually. 

When confronted with an issue, Shiki seems to lean towards the emotional aspects of the matter, such as when Ai and Mina were at odds, she hesitated to bring the truth to light because she didn't want to jeopardize their friendship and emotional wellbeing; in contrast to Neku who wanted the truth to be brought to light as soon as possible because he felt that lying was wrong and it needed to be addressed sooner, rather than later, or things would just get worse. Or when 777 couldn't find his tech, Shiki listened to him vent out of sympathy while Neku agreed to help because of the logical results it'd bring- 

Shiki is also very outwardly emotional: she's very chirpy but she also isn't afraid to openly express her sorrow, anger, or fear, and sometimes she gets overcome by her emotions. But for the most part, she exhibits high emotional intelligence and understanding of other's feelings; and she's essentially the group's moral support: she's one of the most verbal about being sure that they'll make it back and that they all need to work together. Shiki is also extremely passionate; about other people, about the things she creates, it spills into virtually every aspect of her life.

The sad thing though, is that Shiki seems to love everybody but herself, and we see tiny glimpses of this in her small moments of passiveness (such as telling Neku he doesn't have to shout when he snaps at her) On the flip side, Neku's blunt honesty gives Shiki the inner strength to not only face her self-hatred; but overcome it. And that brings me to Shiki's other color: green. You can see it in her stickers + it's her nickname in Another Day. 

Green: nature, rebirth, growth, harmony, healing

I believe that this choice is two-fold: green also symbolizes envy and jealousy and this is something that Shiki's character battles with. She wants to be like Eri- beautiful, smart, charismatic; to the point she even tells Neku that she emulated Eri's personality at first because she was so excited to be in her body. But she then realized that she wasn't Eri, and would never be; nor did she ever want to be. What Shiki truly wanted was to love herself: and that's what her character arc encapsulates; a journey of self-acceptance and self-love. 

When we finally get to see real game Shiki, she's wearing green because she's a new person, hence the themes of rebirth and harmony: she's confident and happy in who she is; and so the green changes from the negative connotations of jealousy and envy to the positives of steadiness and self-harmony. There's also healing, for both her and Neku: she helped him to open up emotionally and become gentler, and he helped her accept herself. We don't get to see her face because it doesn't really matter: as Neku himself said, "You'll always be Shiki." It's her character that is important, not her appearance. Green is also red's complementary color, and we see that rather than doing a complete 180 in personality, Shiki just gets a little milder. She's not quite as bubbly, but a lot of her passion is still there, it's just gentler. 

In short, Shiki is Neku's opposite. They're like night and day: completely different, but inseparable. 

Let's talk about Neku a while now, shall we? His color choice seems contradictory given his personality when we meet him: he is extremely distrusting, volatile and aloof. The thing is though, Neku's arc is also about growth and while he does not exhibit any of the traits of his color scheme at first; during the entirety of the game, he regains himself. Neku's character is about relearning how to trust people and not being afraid to be open and accept different points of view and values- and that diversity is good and healthy! During his first week with Shiki, we get very small glimpses of how emotional Neku actually is, particularly through inner monologue. 

When Rhyme is erased, he's distraught (his thoughts tell us he feels awful) but he masks it with blunt logic ("Because we couldn't. That's how it was meant to be"), perhaps to avoid showing vulnerability, even declaring teaming up is a dumb idea- because people get hurt and there are situations where there's nothing you can do about it. Neku's rant when Shiki declares that Beat and Rhyme were their friends takes us right into his psyche:

"Who needs friends?! They just laugh and talk like idiots and pretend to agree with you- so you end up caring about them….exposing yourself...getting HURT..Screw it! We're better off without them! You want other people getting in your way? Dragging you down? I don't!"

And suddenly, Neku's prickliness makes sense- he views attachment as painful and vulnerability as a risk, and so he vehemently avoids them. He's mean because he's hurting and he's sad: and how fitting, as one of the negative connotations for blue is sorrow and grief. Remember how I said Neku didn't exhibit any traits of blue? Well, that was specifically for the positive ones. 

Negative symbolism of blue: coldness, aloofness, lack of emotion, unfriendliness, sorrow

And that's Neku to a tee: at first, anyway. While his behavior is not justifiable, it is understandable.

When Shiki snaps at him and tells him that he's inhuman Neku doesn't show any outward response during the actual conflict, but the next day when she apologizes his sprite changes to the "sad turtle" and we get to see his thoughts again:

That I was no better than a Reaper…

Rhyme…

……………

Well...right now…

Neku proceeds to tell Shiki that they need to focus on the mission, and she agrees. While he isn't being especially friendly with her, it's leaps and bounds from his initial open hostility: he's more willing to work with Shiki towards a common goal and one could argue this is when his paradigm shift begins- her comment rattled him a lot, and Neku makes baby steps to change. The daily mission (which involves helping two friends address a misunderstanding) gives us more development for him, too. At this point, he still doesn't think conflicting views and values are a good thing and that relationships only hold him back; and he voices to Shiki that he doesn't see the point of friendships built on falsehoods (which is an excellent point and one that she actually agrees with) and we get to see one of Neku's good qualities: he values truth and honesty a lot. 

She asks him if he truly thinks that people are better off without friends, and when he doesn't answer; Shiki talks about how meeting Eri made her want to be her best self (which is how ALL healthy relationships should be, whether platonic or romantic). She mourns Rhyme again, venting that it isn't fair she'll never know what dreams are like and this time, Neku doesn't deflect. He sympathizes, and for the first time since entering the game, allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable: 

"I know. I…. I'm sad too. We'll just have to live a little extra. For her sake."

From this point onward, Neku begins to grow positively, slowly but surely. He's not friends with Shiki yet, but he feels safe enough in her company to not only express sorrow but caring enough to encourage her to keep pressing forward; for Rhyme's sake. The next day Shiki is quiet and sad due to being confronted on her self-hatred, and Neku doesn't know how to deal with her lack of cheeriness. But instead of being annoyed with her like before, he's visibly concerned and wondering what's wrong; and he tries to engage with her as much as possible: asking for her viewpoint on the daily mission and what they should do, etc. When he learns the truth about Shiki's identity, Neku just listens patiently and afterwards, his monologue is much more positive and understanding:

All this time..she's been as confused as me.

He now realizes that she's just as scared and upset as he is and he empathizes with that, going even further to say that "I like you the way you are" when Shiki expresses fear in being brought back due to her underlying jealousy: he appreciates her, every aspect of her; not because she's perfect, but just for who she is. Later on when Shiki hesitates to scan Eri and runs away Neku gives her the push to do so: as said earlier, he values the truth, and he knows that Shiki needs to face it if she's going to improve as a person- and we see him beginning to exhibit his wisdom. He's not really gentle, but his honesty is needed. When Shiki begins comparing herself to Eri and self-deprecating, he intervenes, in his own way: 

"Oh, would you cut the crap? Who ARE you? You're you. You're not Eri. You'll never be Eri. You'll only ever be you."

Neku reiterates what Shiki told him earlier, about never wanting to be Eri, but he goes a step further. She only went as far as to say she wanted to love herself, but that she never could; while Neku asserts to her that being herself is absolute and unchangeable. Shiki mildly protests this though, saying that Eri is "so much better". To her, while she does value her identity the most, Eri's identity makes her feel inferior. She wants to be her own self, but Eri, in her eyes, is perfect, something that she cannot achieve. And that is why Neku's reply is so important.

"Forget her! You need to live your own life. If she can do it, so can you. All that matters is that you try. You're lucky you're jealous. It gives you something to shoot for. So..shoot."

Up to this point, Shiki has measured the worth of her identity based upon comparison to others, and Neku understands that and tells her upfront  that she needs to stop trying to be somebody that she isn't and be confident in her own self, and just do her best- and that'll be enough. He also encourages her to use her jealousy in a productive way, to find her niche; her drive. This gives Shiki the courage to go back and listen to what Eri has to say, and in doing this she hears her friend praise her positive traits, ones that Shiki herself most likely never even realized: her empathy and love for people, her eye for detail, her skill in creating things, her passion and motivation-

 ALL things, that according to Eri, "I don't have." And Shiki finally understands that Eri saw her as her equal and that who she is, is valued. Of course, a few positive reinforcements is not enough to do a 180 from most likely years of self-hatred, and so she asks Neku again if she's okay the way she is; and his reply shows yet more growth:

"Hey, Shibuya's got room for all types."

This is a STARK contrast to his dialogue when we first meet him- "All the world needs is me," "You have your values, and I have mine," etc. Neku valued his identity, but he took it to the extreme in that he ONLY valued his identity, values, and morals. After meeting Shiki though, his viewpoint changes a bit and at this point Neku now appreciates diversity- he's still not at the point that he feels he can understand other people, but he at least doesn't see conflict of morals as a bad thing anymore. And in turn, this gives Shiki the inner strength to want to go back to the RG and start afresh. He gives her one last push to go back when she hesitates since she was the only one granted a second chance, with the promise to see her again; and in just a week, Shiki goes from being the biggest pain in Neku's side to his biggest motivation for surviving the second game and one of his best friends.

Joshua

Another week, another partner.

What's interesting about Joshua is that he is also blue, just a lighter shade. While Shiki is Neku's opposite, Joshua is more akin to his shadow- a mirror, of sorts.

Light Blue: peace, serenity, ethereal, spiritual, infinity

Josh and Neku are extremely similar, but their personalities still converge at enough points that they're starkly different: their tempers especially are a separating point as Neku is much snappier than Joshua (especially if provoked), and despite Josh being represented by a lighter color, in a lot of ways, he symbolizes his partner's negative traits in even more extreme ways in a subversion to expectations; a "darker" version of him, in a sense. 

When they first meet, these two also clash, but for entirely different reasons. Joshua's attitude, as well as his dodginess, pisses Neku off immensely. While his first week with Shiki is about relearning how to build trust, his second week is a test of said trust by giving him a partner very similar to his former self: distant, aloof, uncaring. It gets especially tricky when Neku scans Joshua and sees himself dead, and he begins to distance himself again; deciding that there is no way that he can trust him- and not only that, but that it'd be ridiculous to do so. Neku senses something is off: he doesn't know what it is, but it unsettles him enough that he is steadfast in his decision to keep Josh at arm's length.

...Until he and Josh visit Mr. Hanekoma, and upon learning that his teammate and Mr. H are acquainted, Neku decides that perhaps Joshua isn't as bad as he initially thought: but he's still pretty hesitant; and understandably so. Mr. H gives him some backstory of his partner, and his motives start to come to light - turns out, Joshua has been able to see the game while living, and that alienated him from other people since Hanekoma was the only one he could confide in. Just like with Neku, this doesn't justify his behavior, but it does make it understandable: Josh pushes away people by playfully antagonizing them and making himself difficult, and Neku pushes them away through hostility. 

When he and Josh visit Udagawa, they connect on both not doing well in groups and Joshua comments that they're more alike than he thought, which leads into a conversation about people not being able to understand each other as long as they have their own worlds and Neku begins to backslide a little:

"Right? They're them, and I'm me. Talking to them gets me nothing."

He goes on to say he respects CAT and their philosophy about doing your own thing and how he needs to just enjoy his life and forget about others, and Josh agrees. While Shiki is Neku's friend, she is the exception, not the norm, and Neku still doesn't trust most people. However, when Josh expresses not needing other people's values, Neku's reply is interesting. He agrees outwardly, but it's hesitant, as if he's unsure of himself. 

"Yeah..."

His inner thoughts show us that once again, he is changing.

But...I don't feel that way anymore. Since coming to the UG, reading people's minds- Shibuya's full of people with just as many viewpoints. Mr. H said the world ends with me. To expand my world, I have to learn to look farther- not write off other people's values as inferior. 

….Maybe I had it backwards. Maybe I need to open up to really enjoy- 

Josh calls him and snaps him out of his thoughts so we don't know what he was going to think next, but Neku has definitely experienced a massive paradigm shift in his way of thinking: he's inwardly questioning himself and acknowledging his wrongs and showing willingness to trust again and is showing a lot more empathy to other people. However, this resolve begins to crack when more holes in his memory get filled. Neku is angry and confused, but most of all, he's hurt and we see it in his reaction when Josh asks if he's okay; because he distances himself again. This situation causes him grow distant once more and he also gets more openly prickly since his trust is shaky. Josh relating to him that he feels he belongs in the UG doesn't help matters, either.

However, a later conversation has him moving forwards again. While acknowledging that people are not meant to see eye to eye, he thinks to himself that perhaps it is better that way. People don't think alike, but they can at least try to understand each other; and he then gets the resolve to actually counter Joshua's argument of solely reading people's thoughts and not talking to them.

"But why? Where's the enjoyment in that? I'd rather broaden my world my own way."

And again, we get a small paradigm shift of Neku feeling comfortable enough to express the positive changes that he has slowly been experiencing: blue symbolizes stability, and by this point in the story he is obtaining more and more of it: in his values, in his emotional expression, in how he deals with people, etc. He gets thrown for an immense loop learning that Joshua is alive though, and Neku finally snaps when his teammate brushes it off claiming they're "just like any other pair"-

He's utterly disgusted by Joshua treating the Game as an adrenaline rush- even when Neku first got into the Reaper's Game, he never enjoyed it, even if he initially was only looking out for himself at first; and the idea of getting excitement from toying with death is foreign to him. It only gets worse when Neku accuses Josh that HE killed him, and simply is taunted in return. From that point onward, he becomes openly hostile and snappy again, throwing the idea of trusting his teammate to the wind and tells him upfront that he's only going to tolerate him to survive; leaning back on his negative qualities (because growth is a process and there will be moments of wavering and backwards steps, and that's normal!)

Later on he also shows open distress when a Reaper is attacked and they are unable to save him; declaring they "left him to die." Even though it wasn't any fault of their own, Neku self-blames just like Shiki did in the first week- thinking that he could've done something, maybe if he had gotten there sooner, or defeated the Noise faster. While not 100%, Neku is comfortable enough to openly express sorrow, and Joshua underhandedly sympathizes and takes the blame off him ("We did what we had to do Neku.") He also protects Sota from Noise later down the line even though his partner is already erased and he's going to die anyway and again expresses sadness ("If only we'd gotten here earlier") and even indignation after the older man dies, screaming in anger about all the people who have been erased ("These are people, not toys!!"). When Josh questions him about the interest in others, he then explains that he's gotten to know folks better and that "it's different now".

"They're not just strangers. I can't shut them out like that." 

This is really important because in this, Neku is essentially declaring he cannot go back to who he used to be; nor does he WANT to. He refuses to, and he is making a conscious effort to be open to other people even if he doesn't understand them. Neku goes on to assert that one needs to reach out to others as well in counter to Josh asserting that he won't ever be able to understand others and this time, Joshua responds positively. Through Neku's steadfastness and refusal to waver on his viewpoints once he truly feels solid in them, and his courage to express them and not back down; he influences Joshua into thinking that perhaps people truly do need each other and can understand each other, even if it isn't easy to do so. In showing sympathy towards his enemies, he also proves again and again that people can change too, for the better; and his wisdom begins to shine once more. (And it is this change that ultimately leads Joshua to decide to save Shibuya) Unfortunately, Neku is thrown for yet another loop upon getting more of his memory back and thinking that Sho killed him, and Josh sacrificing himself is absolutely world-rocking.

He blames himself again, angry at himself for not opening up; and it is with this mindset that he is thrown into the Reaper's Game for the final time. His trust is in shambles, and the third week is Neku's personal test to see if he is willing to reach out despite being recently wounded by his partner.

Speaking of, Joshua doesn't really have an arc compared to the rest of the cast: rather, he serves as the catalyst to their growth instead. His character is interesting because from beginning to end, he expresses essentially none of the positive attributes of the color he is represented by; he only appears to at first glance. While Josh does change his mind about destroying UG Shibuya and is convinced that people can change for the better, whether he himself changes for the better is up for debate. Orange is the second color associated with him (it's the shade of his cell phone and his stickers), but just like with light blue, he expresses none of its positive traits.

Orange: enthusiasm, happiness, creativity, determination, encouragement

Negative symbolism of orange includes insensitivity, pessimism, and being unsociable, all aspects of Joshua's character. He doesn't think that people can change; and that it is impossible to understand them (he even goes as far to express "I'd rather just get rid of them" in a dark contrast to Neku, who is content to merely ignore people). Josh doesn't like groups of people either, and he exhibits insensitivity many times throughout the second week, merely behaving charismatic in order to interact with others. He doesn't really grow outwardly, but that's not the point of his character; he's Neku's test to see if he's truly changed or not.

Joshua is Neku's shadow, he's in the same vein. Rather than night and day, they are as dusk and midnight.

Beat

Beat is interesting because his color was actually switched for Final Remix: in the original DS version Beat is green, and in the Switch version he is yellow. I'm going to dive into both because I feel they're equally important. I already covered green for Shiki, but green has yet another meaning which describes Beat to a tee- safety. While Shiki is the moral support and mediator, he is the protector: he's extremely sacrificing for his sister and the people he cares about to the point of putting himself in physical danger to keep them safe (such as jumping in front of a car to save Rhyme, or jumping in front of Neku to protect him from a brainwashed Shiki). That much stays constant throughout the game. Healing also applies to him, as he helps Neku to open up and feel safe being emotional again by not being ashamed of being emotional himself: Beat openly cries over Rhyme and Neku mourns with him, and they help each other heal by learning to rely on one another. Not just as partners, but as friends.

Yellow: joy, warmth, positivity, friendship

From the get go, Beat is a huge bundle of energy and he's extremely kind; although he gets rather volatile if he feels slighted. But like with Shiki, he's overall a very sweet person and openly emotional: he gets angry in a heartbeat, laughs heartily when he's happy, and cries freely when he's sad- and his tears are never portrayed in a negative manner either; they're just a normal reaction to a sad situation and this normalization of sorrow leads to Neku getting comfortable again in being vulnerable- one could argue he's the most emotional in Week 3. Yellow is the complementary color to purple, which is also the main shade of Neku's design. Rather than an opposite like Shiki, or a shadow like Joshua, Beat is Neku's foil. He's a lot kinder and he's got a big heart but he is also extremely impulsive and acts w/o thinking. In contrast, Neku thinks things through logically, but he's a little lacking emotionally; and so they balance each other out. He's also highly attune to when Neku starts withdrawing into himself and gently snaps him out of it constantly; showing once again his sensitivity to emotion. (He consistently asks Neku if he's okay when he gets lost in thought; which Neku does a lot, especially if he's upset. Beat keeps him grounded.)

Beat's arc is finding value in himself again + doing his best; not for other people, but for himself and finding his drive. When mourning Rhyme, he vents that "she thought I was worth dying for" and that she had much more to live for, and he doesn't understand why she'd sacrifice for him. (And he blames himself for her death, as well) While Beat is protective out of the kindness of his heart, it also comes from a lack of self-worth: he places other people above himself, to a fault. Neku sympathizes with his grief but then goes a step farther to encourage him to not be regretful. In another contrast to Shiki, rather than another's identity making him feel inferior to the point of emulating them and overshooting, Beat jumps to the other side of the ditch and loses his passion altogether. 

Rhyme refused to give up on him, but eventually Beat began to resent her pity and he began to push her away as well. After they both died and came to the Game though, Rhyme's declaration that she had nothing to live for startled him into realizing that she meant a lot more to him than he thought and more than anything else; he wanted to be there for her as she was for him. After beating himself up, Neku comforts Beat in his own way, telling him that he needs to focus on the now and not let his sorrow overcome him, in essence; but also to go the distance just for himself, not for anyone else.

And Beat gets his fire all over again, eventually declaring that Neku isn't his partner anymore- he's a friend, and one that he cares about a lot.

Through his partners, Neku finds himself, they all strengthen different aspects of him. He learns to trust, to be open, to find value in friendship again and him taking off his headphones is the ultimate metaphor of him letting the world back in.

Shiki, his opposite.

Joshua, his shadow.

Beat, his foil. 

They all shaped his world, and showed Neku just how wonderful it really is.

And that is beautiful.

Repost cuz I forgot some things-

Anyways

This is my Afton family for my fnaf au. The afton kids,Emily kids, nor any children at the pizzeria die in my au cuz I cant handle child death and what's better than a big happy family?

Also

Yes

Will is 48, mike is 21, liz is 16, andy is 13. So the kids are older because I said so.

Now let's ramble with the info

William Afton- The guy is intimidating at first glance but hes generally a nice guy, just has a resting bitch face. After going through what his father had done to him and later on what his ex-wife had done to him, Mike, and Liz, he became extremely protective of his family. Will is a pretty extroverted guy, he could strike up a conversation with a raccoon in the trash can for crying out loud but he's also very dramatic and pushy. Hes grown thick skin over the years and learned to deal with his temper. Hes not the greatest dad but he tried his best to keep his keep his kids happy. He treats everyone at Freddy's like a family and cares a lot about them Including the animatronics. Oh he's also engaged to scott, who is my phone guy- and Henry and Will's cat Clyde are their third and forth wheels. They be vibin tho

Michael Afton- Unlike his father, hes a nice guy 24/7 hes the type of guy you can go up to and ask for directions without feeling uneasy. He's very loud and weird, in a good way. He loves to bother tf out of Will and make jokes that make Will sigh in disappointment or even taking his trumpet and playing it to scare his father. Charlie is his best friend, they've been friends since childhood since their dads are also best friends. Charlie and Mike are total dumbasses together but they're inseparable. Mike is in a relationship with Jeremy but they dont act like it in front of others, they'll make fun a gay people despite both of them liking men. As for things with Ennard, that's his main man. Ennard isnt the smartest as time goes on so a lot of people at freddy's gets frustrated with him but Mike treats Ennard like family even if hes a bunch of wires and mental scraps. Mike also has a dumb cat named Inky. Him and Ennard both enjoy eating rats.

Elizabeth Afton- Lizzy is actually bby. She's is a big sweetheart but also a tough girl. Mike would always rough Lizzy up to the point where he would let her beat tf out of him but it was all to teach her how to defend herself. She's a big theater kid just like her father was in high school and a big dramatic. She doesnt really fuck with the kids at her school because she just doesnt get along with people her age, she'd much rather be around people much other than her. She's also a rambler like her father and will talk to strangers about the most random of things and before they could reply she'd be off doing something else. Yes she's extroverted but if they aren't family or treated like family she wants nothing to do with them. She also doesnt work very well with others, it's her way or the highway. You'll most likely walk in on her talking to her phat chunk of a cat named Blinky tho.

Andrew Afton- Andy is the youngest of the Aftons and the quietest. While the other Aftons are very extroverted, hes very to himself and isnt a fan of people, but he does have a best friend named Brandon, Who's dad also works at Freddy's. Instead of his head being bit it was actually his right arm that was so badly bitten, it had to get it amputated. Will does make prosthetics for him though and you'll rarely see him without it. Andy blames himself a lot of things that arent his fault, like his mother's death. She died from complications during child birth with Andy. Andy is actually half siblings to Mike and Liz but they all treat each other like full siblings. He's very emotional and finds comfort in his interests which are, collecting toys and plushies from freddy's, Carebears, Hello Kitty, and many more. And yes his cat is Pinky and shes an old bitch and only likes Will and Andy but no one knows why? She used to sleep in Andy's crib with him when he was a baby and he stole Will's cat from only 1 month old.

Chloé & James

Chloé: You were SO unreceptive at dinner Chloé: more than usual Chloé: your sister is now talking to ME, asking what's wrong James: tell her to forward it to me Chloé: It isn't a business email Chloé: I'm your WIFE Chloé: I should know what's going on in your life but you never tell me anything James: & yet it'll end up in my father's hands regardless Chloé: Oh how dreadful that your loved ones are concerned about you James: they aren't concerned, Chloé James: simply in need of dinner entertainment James: it's as good an icebreaker as anything else, that's all Chloé: How dare you Chloé: I'm very concerned that you won't tell me Chloé: That always been great things, yeah? James: Matilda's crying can you go and be concerned about her, please? Chloé: Trying to change the subject and call me a bad Mum Chloé: Thanks so much, James James: I'm just asking you to check the baby is okay Chloé: She's a baby, they cry Chloé: and you don't know what I'm doing as well as trying to communicate with you James: I know you're not brushing Jay's hair because I am Chloé: Good Chloé: that doesn't change the fact we need to talk Chloé: or you need to talk to your sister and CONVINCE her you're fine Chloé: you make me look bad too when you do this James: I'll call her as soon as I get the chance Chloé: Yes, thank you Chloé: Can you plait her hair, please Chloé: I want it in ringlets for school James: you know she prefers to wear it loose, your punishments are getting more creative Chloé: IT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT Chloé: Don't be morbid Chloé: it looks scruffy loose James: well, if you'd agree to letting her have it cut, that wouldn't be a problem Chloé: So she can look like a little boy Chloé: I'm saving her the future embarrassment of looking back on awful photos James: okay James: I'm sure she'll thank you then if not me right now for these plaits James: would you like them french? Chloé: I'm looking after the baby, I can't be in two places at once Chloé: and no, lots of little ones James: but if I do them as two neat ones they can stay in Chloé: I don't WANT them to stay in Chloé: when you take it out in the morning she'll have lots of curls Chloé: [sends reference pics like he's an idiot] James: fine Chloé: Thank you James: do you know where all her school socks have gone? Chloé: Ugh, no idea Chloé: My Mother needs to bring some laundry back I think Chloé: she'll have to wear tights James: she'll be upset enough about the curls Chloé: I can't magic socks out of thin air! James: no, but you could call your mother while I call my sister Chloé: Please get a grip, James Chloé: I'm not chasing up socks at this o'clock the night before School Chloé: she'll have to deal, you spoil her James: she'll make herself sick, Chloé, you know the state she gets herself worked up into James: & it's me who'll have to deal with that Chloé: She's not a baby Chloé: she needs to learn Chloé: She's jealous of Tilly James: I'm well aware of her age, she's only 6 Chloé: Old enough to put tights on and suck it up James: I'm not having this fight with you again Chloé: Then you do something about it James: I will Chloé: 👏 James: I'm going to your mother's, do you need anything else? Chloé: She'll tell you James: please put Matty in her car seat for me Chloé: Why? James: because the drive will put her to sleep James: I can't be up with her all night Chloé: Okay Chloé: hang on Chloé: [is ages] James: Chloé James: I don't have time for this Chloé: Excuse me Chloé: You think you're the only person doing things? James: my thoughts are currently taken up with asking myself why it is you're incapable of doing one simple thing that I ask you to James: are you that mad at me for my supposed behaviour at dinner? Chloé: Well now I'm mad at you for the way you're speaking to me Chloé: [throws child at him] James: however you feel, don't take it out on our children Chloé: You upset me and then I'm the bad guy Chloé: Sounds about right James: I'm sorry if you're upset but I fail to see what I've actually done wrong James: at any point this evening Chloé: You could barely hold a conversation Chloé: with YOUR family Chloé: it was mortifying James: because I've been working for them non-stop James: & because I can't have so much as a single glass of anything alcoholic without my sister believing that I need to go back to rehab Chloé: Exactly Chloé: You've already proven yourself as weak in that capacity Chloé: Of course they're going to think that whenever you're behaving odd Chloé: I know better but that's not a happier picture to paint James: you'd rather they think I've relapsed than tell them the truth? Chloé: You tell me, James Chloé: Because I don't think I know the truth right now, do I James: what gory details are you hoping I'll divulge exactly? Chloé: Your actual addiction Chloé: Don't play dumb James: I'm a recovering drug addict, that's all James: if that disappoints you, I'm really sorry Chloé: If you were sorry you'd be a faithful, loving husband to me Chloé: I'm sorry you aren't having a spa retreat because you can't keep it in your pants James: like you were so apologetic when you had sex with that guy last time you were at the spa? Chloé: You make me feel terrible about myself Chloé: you don't pay me any attention Chloé: of course I have to go somewhere else Chloé: I'm a woman, I need to feel loved James: sometimes you deserve to feel terrible about yourself Chloé: How could you say that? Chloé: I gave you your kids James: & they'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me James: this isn't Chloé: Then act like it Chloé: it's a package deal, a family Chloé: treat me with the respect I deserve James: I do act like it James: there's no more I can physically or emotionally do Chloé: Well it's not good enough Chloé: I need you Chloé: When's the last time you came near me James: you know when Chloé: Yeah, when you want another kid, I'll get a look-in, okay Chloé: I'm a person too, you know James: it wasn't me who wanted another child Chloé: So now it's my fault Chloé: and Tilly's a mistake Chloé: Wow James: if it makes you feel better to twist every single word that comes out of my mouth James: I love her, you know I do Chloé: You know I won't have you around them if you are going to say things like that Chloé: I have to protect them James: you can't protect them with lies Chloé: You just said you didn't want her! Chloé: and we know Jay's situation is far from ideal James: I didn't want to bring another child into this, no sane person would Chloé: They have everything Chloé: Including a good dad, when you're not going around fucking every whore in sight James: I don't do that any more Chloé: I know you do, you're different Chloé: I know Chloé: I'd rather you were on the blow James: how can you say that Chloé: Everyone still does it Chloé: You just have to take it too far Chloé: Handle your shit like a man, why can't you James: you don't understand, you never fucking have Chloé: You don't wanna admit I have a point, more like James: there are things I'd rather not admit, that's not one of them Chloé: Don't taunt me Chloé: You know when I find out who she is Chloé: I will let everyone know what she is James: there's nobody to find out about James: all of that is over Chloé: you have to be getting it somewhere Chloé: it's not from me James: I told you, I'm not a sex addict Chloé: How can I believe anything you say, James? Chloé: That's the problem James: the problem is, you'd prefer to label me as a sex addict who fucks whores than admit what the actual problem is Chloé: The problem is you Chloé: you don't treat me how you should Chloé: Leave the baby with my Mother James: yes, but not just me, you've never treated me right either James: & no, I'm not going to do that Chloé: I'm not going to be in any state to look after her tomorrow Chloé: Not now Chloé: I'm going to bed, the sofa has your name all over it Chloé: or your whore's, I don't care anymore James: that's barely a threat James: I'll look after her, as I would on a typical day Chloé: University is over, James Chloé: You'll be working full-time now Chloé: You can't turn my own daughters against me James: I'll take her to work with me or I won't go in, nothing is as difficult as you'd like to make it Chloé: Sure, you can explain to your Father why you've got her Chloé: and how you treat me whilst you're at it James: he's well aware of everything I do for you & our family Chloé: Ha! James: we can't go on like this, Chloé Chloé: Goodnight James: you wanted to talk Chloé: And you've made me cry Chloé: Goodnight James: please Chloé: Unless you're apologizing I have no interest in whatever you think you need to say James: I'm sorry I made you cry Chloé: Yes, you should be James: I don't want things to get as bad as they were before Matty, okay? Chloé: You know how to make it better James: no I don't Chloé: Show me you're sorry James: what does that even mean? Chloé: For God's sake, James! Chloé: You weren't an actual virgin when we got together, why are you like this Chloé: it means presents and meals and trips and showing me off James: why do you think that'll make anything better? James: the only person that benefits is you Chloé: You are so selfish James: I honestly wish I could be Chloé: You should have thought about that James: of course I should've James: but I wasn't thinking then Chloé: You have responsibilities Chloé: as a Father AND as a Husband Chloé: and you neglect me and I'm sick of it James: you're sick of it Chloé: And what is that supposed to mean? James: it means what the fuck am I if not sick of it too! Chloé: Well, it's tough, like I said! Chloé: You're my Husband and the Father of my kids and that's the end of it James: I'm taking Matty & Jay & we're going to my parents Chloé: No you are not Chloé: You don't get to take them anywhere Chloé: not away from me James: I'm their dad James: & you said yourself that you're not going to be able to look after them tomorrow Chloé: You aren't taking Jay anywhere Chloé: leave Tilly with my parents Chloé: if you take them, I swear I'll call the police James: I'm not leaving her with you James: not when you're like this Chloé: I'm trying to go to bed! Chloé: You come home Chloé: now James: you're trying to proposition me James: I'm not coming home to that Chloé: I said you're sleeping on the sofa, how could you possibly get that from that? Chloé: I've long since given up on you in that department, as we both know James: explain Matilda then Chloé: She's a bloody year old Chloé: You think I've not had sex in a year? Chloé: and I know you have so don't try to make me feel bad Chloé: maybe if you didn't get it other places, we could have a normal sex life but that's never gonna happen, is it James: we've never had a normal sex life, Chloé Chloé: Cecily and Marc do it every night Chloé: and they've been together ages now James: I'm so happy for them James: but that's never going to be us Chloé: Why are you so shit Chloé: at everything Chloé: I don't get anything James: what more do you want from me? Chloé: That's such a ridiculous question Chloé: I want us to be a happy family, like I have to put on the brave face and pretend to the world we are Chloé: You know this James: yes, it is, because you've got everything that I am capable of giving you James: we're not a happy family, let me go Chloé: No Chloé: You're the Father of my Children Chloé: you're all I've got Chloé: we have to make the best of it James: you don't love me James: don't you want to be in love? Chloé: I want you to love me James: no, you don't James: you want me to do as I'm told James: I'm not a child or a dog Chloé: Why don't you love me? James: because James: I don't even like you Chloé: You're killing me James: we're killing each other James: let me go Chloé: I can't James: I can't do this any more Chloé: We have to Chloé: there's no out James: of course there is, marriages end Chloé: No Chloé: I can't do it alone and I won't Chloé: you know I won't James: you wouldn't be James: I'm not leaving the kids Chloé: Stop Chloé: You aren't leaving anyone James: Chloé Chloé: You aren't Chloé: I will not be divorced James: you can't force my hand forever Chloé: but I can Chloé: I'm the Mum and you know the courts would favour me Chloé: there's nothing you can do about that James: I've still got rights Chloé: Try it Chloé: I can assure you, you'll never see them again James: don't say that Chloé: No, I mean it Chloé: You are not leaving me James: you can't stop me from seeing them, I'm not unfit Chloé: I will Chloé: there's so much I could use against you James: it's been years since I touched drugs James: & everything else I've done, you have too Chloé: If you're willing to risk it Chloé: shows how much they mean James: you know how much they mean to me Chloé: Then stay Chloé: Be a Father James: I am a father Chloé: Not if you leave Chloé: I'll make sure of that James: I told you, I'm not leaving them James: but I can't be with you Chloé: You have to be Chloé: they're mine Chloé: and I'm not being used as a babymaking factory and then discarded James: that's not what happened Chloé: yes it is Chloé: you don't love me and you never have Chloé: you don't even like me James: but I didn't set out to use you Chloé: You made promises Chloé: legally binding ones Chloé: I will ruin you James: I know I did Chloé: Every penny you earn will be mine Chloé: You can't get rid of me, so stay James: I don't care about the money, you can have it Chloé: You don't care about anyone but yourself James: that's not true James: you said I was a good father Chloé: I don't think that now Chloé: you're playing with their lives James: I'm trying to make their lives better Chloé: Why don't you murder me Chloé: you want me out of the way James: stop it Chloé: No James: you're their mum, they need you too Chloé: No one needs me Chloé: and no one wants me Chloé: not even you James: they both do Chloé: you've poisoned them Chloé: Tilly can barely crawl and she already prefers you James: I spend more time with her, that's all James: don't keep giving her to your mother Chloé: Don't tell me what to do Chloé: I try! Chloé: See, you're poison Chloé: they'll never love me James: Chloé Chloé: Leave me alone Chloé: you've ruined my life James: I'm sorry James: I never wanted things to be like this Chloé: Do you think that's good enough? Chloé: You all ruined my life Chloé: I'm everyone's last choice James: you have to take some responsibility Chloé: This is your fault Chloé: you and your fucking friends Chloé: I tried, so much harder than any other girl, to be what you wanted Chloé: and you all just threw it in my fucking face James: this isn't what anybody wants Chloé: Fuck you Chloé: you've said enough Chloé: I know I'm the fattest and the ugliest but I can't help that James: you're not James: it's not about what you look like Chloé: It always is Chloé: McKenna would rather fuck his own flesh and blood just because she's hot James: he's got nothing to do with why we aren't right for each other Chloé: You're all the same Chloé: if it weren't you it'd be one of the others Chloé: you're all horrible James: I am horrible, but so are you Chloé: I'm miserable Chloé: everyone hates me James: you don't have to be James: miserable or hated Chloé: Yes I do Chloé: I've never been anything but Chloé: people pretend to like me Chloé: for a while James: you don't have to have Diana drive you to rehab in order to make changes James: it's not the only way Chloé: I hate my life Chloé: I don't even like the girls James: you don't mean that Chloé: Yes, I do Chloé: at best, I feel nothing Chloé: most of the time there another thing in my life that refuses to go right James: you just need help Chloé: I didn't want them Chloé: I didn't want you Chloé: none of this is right James: so we'll change it Chloé: No Chloé: I don't have the energy Chloé: What I want, I can't have Chloé: so neither can you James: please James: I can help you Chloé: Don't make me laugh Chloé: I want to go away and start again and be another person Chloé: I'll be so so slim and beautiful and everything I say and do will be cool and funny and right and everyone will love me and I'll find someone who worships me James: neither of us get that luxury James: Jay and Matilda exist James: you & me exist as we are, with all our mistakes Chloé: Oh I'm sorry, who got to piss off to rehab like they were some kind of celebrity Chloé: I'm going James: it wasn't like that Chloé: Whatever Chloé: you left James: I had to James: for everyone's sake James: you think I'm useless as I am now, who I was then would be worse Chloé: at least we had fun Chloé: I'm so bored Chloé: this is all so boring James: did we? Chloé: I did Chloé: Who wouldn't rather be at a party doing lines than staring at a fucking baby all day Chloé: changing shitty nappies and feeding it slop James: you didn't have to keep her James: you decided to Chloé: I was 15 Chloé: what the fuck did I know Chloé: who the fuck decided I could make that decision Chloé: it was wrong and I've lived to regret it that's for fucking sure James: you weren't 15 when you decided to do it all again Chloé: You were leaving then too James: how many children do you think will make me stay? Chloé: Only needed the one James: you can't treat people like this James: it's fucked Chloé: If I don't get to be happy Chloé: you don't either Chloé: someone else had to feel it too Chloé: not get happy endings they didn't fucking deserve Chloé: not over me James: our daughters deserve to be happy Chloé: you make them happy James: I try Chloé: you do Chloé: so don't leave them James: I won't Chloé: Good Chloé: come back yeah James: are you going to try too? Chloé: I do James: I mean it, Chloé Chloé: I just told you how hard I try Chloé: listen to me, for fuck's sake James: it's hard to hear, but I am Chloé: Try living it James: okay James: I'll be right next to you living it Chloé: I'm going to bed now Chloé: do not let them wake me James: wait until I get back at least Chloé: why James: because we need to do things differently somehow Chloé: its far too late for that Chloé: I've never loved you either Chloé: you can stay and you can know that Chloé: anyway, i took some sleeping pills Chloé: I'll be out James: how many? Chloé: enough to keep me asleep 'til you're all out of my sight tomorrow James: you understand what I'm asking Chloé: calm down, i wanna feel good not die Chloé: she's watching tv James: I'm coming back now Chloé: yep Chloé: you are