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#and ya know what? fuck it. first dialogue post on this blog. why not.

shadows-story-abyss · 2 years

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[Phase 3]

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#[phase 3]#heheheh i fully intend to be VERY vague with phase 3 and how the whole story ends #purely bc its one HELL of a twist #and quite the mindfuck might i add #well i mean. the idea for the whole corruption arc was based on a nightmare i had once #but i remembered the whole thing so vividly the next day that it kinda just.. stuck #even now i could recount like. the whole thing #it was fuckin WILD #this bit has a very specific tie-in to vexs au origins (which is also part of shadows origin story too)#and ya know what? fuck it. first dialogue post on this blog. why not.#not that i have a ton drafted or anything naahhhhh #slbu

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going-to-ikea-for-the-fries · 2 months

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Alright I was going to do this on anon but honestly why not own it, ya know? So I first came to your blog with its a match and then slowly spiraled.

First off, I can not believe how fast you've been updating its a match. I don't know what your writing process is but holy fuck you have been feeding us so well. The different dynamics between all the guys and reader is so beautifully crafted. And the way you writer the dynamics between all of the 141 is so good too! I personally feel like they've all been together for such a long time and have such a good relationship outside of the normal chain of command and team bonding. Beautiful! I love when authors write Simon as wanting to feel normal away from work, and you do it so well. Like yes he's gruff and has dry humor but damn does he wear it well. AND THE BANTER!? It's so realistic, like some books/fics the way character talk just sounds so fake, but the way you have them all interacting, talking and texting, is exactly like how I'd imagine them to interact. (SPECIFICALLY THE "HONK SHOO HONK MIMIMIM" PART. I HAD TO TEXT MY HUSBAND ABOUT IT I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD!!) Like typing errors when you text and emojis when you least expect them is just so realistic and I'm obsessed.

Secondly, I came for its a match, but have been scrolling through for all the pegging content. Like I'm not into pegging in practice for myself, but hot damn is it hot to imagine all these super macho guys turned into blubbering, blissed-out messes *chef's kiss* honestly! Like it took me an extra long time to eat dinner because I was so caught up in the pegging tag. Then closed out and came right back to it for any and all updates, wild. Now the thought of pegging is stuck in my brain for as long as the worms feed off it. So thanks for your anons blessing us with the gospel then fucking dipping, honestly meme worthy. And your reactions are so funny, I laugh out loud for EVERY SINGLE ONE! I went through last night reading and liking almost every post under the pegging tag, I couldn't help myself.

Honestly I haven't read your other things tagged in your master list that I can remember (I tend to read without looking at authors) but I'm sure as shit going to do that right after i send this. Also don't feel the need to answer to this if you don't want to, I just wanted to express my love for the vibes here and the discussions you've been having. Keep up the good work on all of your works, it's all been amazing (no pressure, just keep being you!) Sorry for the book of an ask, got a little carried away reminiscing on the fic and pegging parts 😅 hope you have a great day!!

You just made me cry reading this so thanks for that 🙄 /jk pls I can't handle the kind words and the love 🥺🫶

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I'm so so thankful you enjoy the banter and dynamics and the texting and everything really! it comes very naturally to me (the banter and jokes) and I just let it flow as it comes to get natural dialogue

as for the pegging, blame my anons bc I literally had almost no hand on it, as you've seen, just corrupted pulled the sacred texts on us and blessed us with that brain rot and yk-

I also have a habit of reading without checking the author unless I've gone on a deepdive of their blog (and if I ever want to check if someone I don't know posted a new chapter to a fic, I just have to hope my dash blesses me with the next chapter LMAO)

I'm so glad you enjoy the vibes here, I'm honestly surprised my blog's fostered such good communication and energy and just... yeah!

(also do not apologize for sending a long ask, I love it so so so so much tytytytytytytytytytytyty)

hope you enjoy everything i've written and will write in the future!

#asks

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dominijoyce · 1 year

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13, 19, 28, 35

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

ROOM DESCRIPTION! How do people write them seriously... My girlfriend will go on entire paragraphs describing every detail of a room a character enters, every color and how light falls on furniture, how the crack sounds and what the atmosphere is. My close real life friend will literally Tolkien-esque you a character walking by the river...

And I'm here like. "Um. The room's walls are pink. There is a clock on the wall. Room itself looks old and not taken care of."

Actually, I have similar issue with appearance description but in general those became less of a struggle for me after internalizing fully that no one really fully pays attention to that or they quickly forget details anyway and usually if ya provide just core stuff of how character looks, readers will just fill in the gaps.

On the other hand- I have heard countless times that people heavily struggle with First Person Perspective. Seriously can't relate - I love writing in first person, I love getting into the character's mind and their thought process and thinking of how it differs. I have multiple stories where perspective often shifts SPECIFICALLY because it lets me show how characters differ in how they experience and how they think.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Good question. I think I started writing back when I started RolePlaying in general. That was like over a decade ago. I started RolePlaying and therefore writing because I already had way too many ideas for characters and stories and everything and so putting them in a form of RolePlay was a way to fuel all of it.

As for bumps... Well, other than me seriously thinking of quitting for good - well. Well I could talk of what happened 1-2 years ago in my writing journey but that's too personal for a public Tumblr blog, I guess ask me about that on Discord, lol. In general my current biggest bump and struggle is trying to go back into any schedule of writing as well as try to break my personal issue with posting my writing online.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

It's not like anyone here knows any of them lol. However mostly some of my villains of my more fucked up stories where everything is heavily complicated and reader is meant to be confused. In general my stories more oriented around psychological deconstructing of everything around [think Everything Everywhere All At Once level of fucked up psychological deconstruction lol] are those I love writing the most and villains of these... Well most of the time they are perpetrators of that fucked up stuff happening so it's amazing to write them. Again, ask me on Discord if ya want like... actual names or plot points. Not sure if anyone on Tumblr is interested in me infodumping my stories that I will never share publicly anyway, lol.

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

Any kind of cohesiveness lol. My stories will include: random font changes, random font size changes, multiple narrations going at once, dialogues that aren't written in any dialogue format, chapters numbered not chronologically, narrator suddenly stopping talking of the narrative...

If you are reading my story you will get confused and have to double take certain stuff. That's kind of the point. Unless it is like any of my mild stories like ones I publish so like fanfiction or ship fics idk. One of the stories I currently write has two narrators who keep on disagreeing with each other and claiming the other one lies as well as keeping on interrupting each other. It's fun.

For my JoJo Fanpart I'm still wondering how far I wanna go into it. Cause I do wanna publish it on AO3 or like, anywhere. But it involves this stuff, like in my current WIP I literally have drawn a line to split the page in half where half is stuff that is actually happening and actual story and half is breaking points and everytime Jo'Jo or Yona leave their vessels (makes sense if you know the plot). So like. That probs won't end up in final cut unfortunately.

#extraterrestrialoracle #ask game #writer ask game

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still-a-morosexual-help · 3 years

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OBEY ME! LESSON 57 DETAILED SUMMARY AND DISCUSSIONS/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

MC wakes up to Belphie and Satan planning on kidnapping them, deciding to wake them up and then arguing about which small prank they should play to wake them up (satan suggests holding their nose till they wake up and Belphie says they’d have to be careful with that method cause it could kill a human). MC decides it’d be best nor to let them go ahead with anyone of this and wakes up screaming to scare them both. They complain about being reverse pranked and say that breakfast is ready. Belphie also gives them the star of diligence for all that happened last lesson. Belphie asks if once MC becomes an actual sorcerer if Solomon will teach them higher level magic. Satan say it’d be a great boost to the anti-lucifer league. Belphie wonders what the final exam would be (and I just realised these two exams will be the final exam holy shit) and satan asks MC if they’re confident, they say ‘after all the BS I’ve been through? FUCK YEAH!’ Satan says it’s good to be motivated but to stay focused, Belphie says past experience shows that MC can stand to lose a little focus and still be okay. There’s a commotion and they realise that it’s probably Beel rampaging cause he got too hungry.

Asmo scolds Beel for his rampage, Beel apologizes and Asmo tells him not to apologize through a mouthful of food cause it seems less sincere. Asmo asks if he even regrets it and Beel ignores him to go reheat the meat pies which pisses asmo off more. Belphie tells him to drop it and that it was partly their fault for taking so long to come back. Asmo then scolds Belphie for being too soft with Beel. Lucifer asks about MC’s star and congratulates them. MC thanks him and questions him being so happy about them nearly being done. He says them becoming a proper sorcerer is important for all the brothers and that personally Lucifer wants them to become more powerful than Solomon so that they can finally shut him up and make him stop pestering Lucifer for a pact. Belphie questions Lucifer more about Solomon and Lucifer complains, also saying that there are plenty of demons willing to forge a pact with him but Asmo says Solomon’s very particular about who he makes pacts with. Asmo says word for word, “It may not seem like it, but he’s got a very cold-blooded side to him. He probably picks his targets purely based on whether they’ll be of use to him.” (I just think it’s really interesting that asmo calls them ‘targets’ though the character relationship diagram did say that Solomon considers others his playthings). Asmo uses Mammon as an example of a demon Solomon wouldn’t want to forge a pact with but Mammon doesn’t respond instant he’s silent and distracted/worried. Asmo pokes at Mammon again asking if he agrees. Mammon distractedly agrees. Asmo’s smile instantly falls, shocked and upset that Mammon isn’t biting back and arguing or saying something mean in return (why is this my brother & I???). Satan says that Levi will also be useless to Solomon. Levi responds the same way as Mammon did which freaks out both Satan and Belphie. MC asks Mammon & Levi what’s wrong. Belphie states how weird they’re being and Asmo also asks what happened, looking particularly upset. Lucifer calls out to the both of them too. But before they get a response Barbatos calls Lucifer asking them all to come to the hotel immediately.

On the way over Satan says Barbatos asking them over this early is strange and asks if he gave Lucifer a reason, Lucifer said Barbatos had promised to explain when they got there. Satan asks if this is wise considering two of them were already acting odd. Lucifer turns to them and says he’s not going to ask what their behaviour’s about rn but when they go back home the two of them have to explain to him what happened. They both give distracted noncommittal hums as answers. Satan says they’re like completely different people rn and Asmo says whatever the reason behind their behaviour it’s probably stupid. Asmo then asks MC about how he should paint his nails next time, MC can say a mature look, =a feminine look or a simple look. Then he remembers he’s supposed to enrol in a cooking class that makes food to “cleanse the soul” it’ll be hard with new nails. He also worries about whether food that ‘cleanses the soul’ could exorcise him. MC after all the BS they’ve gone through is extremely paranoid and says it sounds sus Asmo says the 7 of them are also pretty suspicious and that given their limited time in the human world he wants to do everything he can. Behind them Levi meows. Asmo says that though the demons are here just on break the angels are gonna be here long term (guys guys guys what if S4’s after the brothers leave and it’s an angel focused season with them bringing in Michael and Raphael and the brothers only show up for small bits??? I’d cry I’ll get Mammon withdrawal). Levi meows again. Asmo says he wants to stay and have fun in the human world for longer too. Levi meows thrice in a row. Asmo finally snaps and yells at Levi. Levi says he just wants to talk to MC for a bit (remembered the girl in college who used to meow at me whenever we passed by each other). Satan says he knows that Levi’s done something bad that’s gonna piss off Lucifer and now he’s trying to drag MC away from the others to find away to fix it. Levi tries to deny it but Satan just congratulates him and says depending on how this turns out they may invite him to the ant-lucifer league. Belphie asks what he did and Levi tries to deny it until Beel stops walking in stunned silence and Belphie asks him what happened. Beel says he just remembered something awful.

Beel wants to go back to get his abandoned meat pies, Mammon breaks outta whatever stupor he was in to say that’s insane and MC suggests heading through the market. Beel loves the idea and hugs MC, with Asmo saying he wants to hug MC too. At the market people stare at them, Lucifer says it’s natural with how big a group they are, Asmo contributes it to his beauty, I say it’s Satan’s ugly ass clothes. Mammon says people oughta pay them if they’re gonna stare, Levi says it’s embarrassing and MC tells him he’s being too self-conscious, Levi replies saying it feels like he’s being made to do an embarrassing public dare. The butcher greets all of them, surprised to see all of them at once, Beel places his order and the butchers asks if they’re friends, family…(members of a cult? Orgy?) MC can look over at either Mammon or Lucifer and get them to answer. Mammon says that except for MC they’re brothers though he doesn’t like being stuck with them for brothers but what can ya do. Belphie says Mammon’s got that last bit backwards. Lucifer says the same as Mammon’s first part but adds on that the others can be embarrassing. Satan says ‘like you’re not!?’ The butcher looks at this back of idiots who all look roughly the same age and nothing alike and says “ah. I see.” Then says “MC is your friend or…”Asmo laughs and calls the butcher nosy and says he and MC are a couple and that they’re they love of his life (the butcher previously also was introduced to Beel & MC and Mammon & Mc as couples…), Mammon says MC’s his servant (what a dick. I love him so much), Belphie says he thought the story was they hired MC as their babysitter (and that doesn’t sound shady at all) MC can say they’re a.) family This makes Beel & lucifer really happy and they agree. b.) their master, Mammon says MC’s got it wrong and it’s the other way around. Levi says that at least in Mammon’s case they got it right. c.) their babysitter – Satan protests to being called a baby. The Butcher’s like right….I kind of don’t wanna ask for anymore details but it’s nice you’re all so close.

Up in the hotel Beel is on his 37th meat pie much to Asmo’s dismay. Diavolo greets them and apologizes for the time, MC asks ‘what kinda bullfuckery is going on now’. Since last night there’ve been rumours of an evil spirit (aren’t diavolo & Barbatos also technically evil spirits…) Last night a guest had coming running to the front desk, seeming very pale and petrified with fear insisting there was something in the room with them. Though they don’t say a word Mammon gets shocked by this and Levi gets upset. Several staff members had gone to investigate but what they’d seen had left them shaking and unable to speak. They shock was so much that everyone who’d seen it had been admitted to the hospital. Mammon starts nervously laughing, saying it must have been all in their imagination, the way he words it makes it sound like he’s implying evil spirits aren’t real which I find hilarious. Levi, stuttering, backs him up. Satan says they can’t have all imagined it (isn’t this a thing though? Wait lemme google it up. Mass hallucinations or epidemic hysteria. The first two examples are during the middle ages and they both happened to nuns which is odd. The first was a nun who kept biting other nuns and it spread till the nuns were biting each other. The other was a nun who kept meowing and well that spread. Hey you guys need to read the wiki page for the examples of this it’s really fucking interesting). Mammon ignores Satan and tries to leave citing ‘stuff’ he’s gotta do. And Levi suddenly remembers some of his prior commitments as well. Asmo calls them out for being suspicious and Mammon stutters through the whole sentence denying it. Lucifer bans them from leaving which upsets them and Satan realises that they were called to get rid of the spirit. MC (who’s a shit) asks why the demon king’s son can’t take care of it or if it’s safe for demons to exorcise evil spirits. He says he’s got meetings the whole morning and that the spirit is something he can’t keep waiting till later. He says that though to humans they may seem similar, demons and evil spirits are very different beings. He also says the spirit is the kind that’ll be hard even for demons to handle alone. Asmo asks if that means Diavolo knows what it is. He says it’s a bogeyman (Me: *snort*)

The twins are surprised, Diavolo asks MC whether they know what it is. Bogeymen are well known even in the human world, with children fearing they may be hiding in dark corners of their rooms, they don’t have their own form and instead appear as your greatest fear (and isn’t this the thing from harry potter? A boggart right?) Belphie asks how it could have ended up in Corvo and Lucifer turns to the two obvious suspects as they try to inch their way towards the door. Through stutters they try to explain that they weren’t trying to run away. Lucifer’s so pissed at this point his text has stopped appearing in bold and is now appearing in red. Mammon throws Levi under the bus, saying he wouldn’t stop adding all these new upgrades to crowe, levi says it was Mammon doing that using Levi’s account and money. Levi said Mammon wanted to try an effect called “Pandora’s Gacha” which would give you a random effect that you weren’t told about beforehand. When Lucifer yells at them to quiet his text is both bold and red so you know he’s seconds away from murdering them. He makes them explain everything properly from the beginning and there’s a flashback. They’re both in Levi’s room, realising how badly they fucked up, as black mist starts to swirl around them (they also keep finishing each other’s sentences as they talk about how fucked they are which I thought was cute). Levi says he has no idea what they summoned but that it should definitely not be loose in the human world and Mammon cusses out crowe (which fair? Which did an update to crowe let loose an evil spirit? Maybe cause crowe’s also connected to the devildom but I can’t imagine anyone in the devildom wanting to be surprised with an evil spirit either… and shouldn’t they correct that bug before someone in the human world summons something that only crowe in the devildom is supposed to summon. But I guess Levi’s crowe is a prototype). Crowe actually answers Mammon and starts telling what it is an what it does as the mist starts taking form. Crowe congratulates them on winning a ‘super special rare effect’, Mammon asks how they could congratulate them when this sucks. The mist forms into Lucifer in his demon form resulting in the two of them screaming and panicking, Mammon’s chanting ‘no’ over and over again and Levi shrieks at Crowe to get rid of it and Crowe asks if he wants to transfer the bogeyman to another location. Crowe asks permission to use 1000DP to install an update to do that, which makes Levi hesitate but Mammon agrees. Crowe asks where they would like to send it. Levi starts stuttering saying he doesn’t know and Mammon says anywhere but here. Levi then stutters out hotel corvo. (So I have questions: Does the bogeyman appear as what you fear the most in general or what you fear the most at the time you see it? Like since before it formed a shape they were already freaking out about Lucifer getting pissed at them so in that one moment that’s what they were scared of more than anything else. Also does it transform into your collective fear? Like since Mammon & Levi met it together it transformed into a pissed demon Lucifer cause that’s the one thing they both fear the most but if it met the two of them individually would it transform into something they alone fear the most? I’m asking cause the two of them seem to piss off Lucifer so much, and despite knowing the consequences for their actions this does not stop them from doing more things to piss off Lucifer, and they’ve been doing this for thousands upon thousands of years that it doesn’t make sense that the thing they fear the most would be Lucifer.)

Back in the present mammon happily compliments Levi on his quick thinking of transferring it to Corvo, Levi happily takes the compliment, calling himself a genius and saying he’d seen an ad for corvo right before the whole bogeyman thing appeared and it popped into his head. “How very interesting…” Says Lucifer with a smile on his face and remembering where they are right now Levi gasps. Lucifer quotes back what they just said to each other before transforming into his demon form making the two of them start screaming again. Belphie says the two of them redefine stupid. Barbatos, with a smile, says he’s pleased they found the cause of all this. And Satan remarks that Barbatos seems really pissed. Beel says the way he’s smiling makes it scarier and actually reminds him of Satan (I love the smiling despite being consumed with seething murderous rage thing some of the demons do. We even saw Mammon do it in that one Devilgram where the brothers for once actually managed to piss him off enough to make him transform into his demon form.) Barbatos says he’ll leave the clean up to Lucifer and the others. Lucifer, now back to normal, agrees despite looking upset and saying he’d rather not. Barbatos drags diavolo to his meeting despite Diavolo protesting and saying he doesn’t want to leave as things get interesting and asking if he can reschedule the meetings, Barbatos says Diavolo had promised to be professional and get all his work done if Barbatos let him come and stay in the human world. Diavolo asks MC if they can have a gossip session about everything that’s gonna happen later and they promise to. Diavolo complains again and Barbatos smiles and goes ‘Young Master.’ And Diavolo immediately fold and leaves. Belphie comments on how even Diavolo wouldn’t dare cross Barbatos when he’s pissed. Asmo and Satan say Levi and Mammon should fix this mess. Mammon says as brothers they should stick together. Belphie says he doesn’t get to play the brother card at his convenience. Asmo asks if MC agrees with him. Levi gives them puppy dog eyes and asks if MC will abandon them. If MC says they should all work together Mammon gets all sparkly eyed and says he knew MC would agree and Levi gets all sparkly eyed and says MC’s the best. Belphie says he doesn’t want to be stuck dealing with this. If MC says it’s their fault and they should figure it out Mammon asks them if that doesn’t sound too harsh and Levi says he understands that nobody cares about them. Satan calls them tweedled-dee and tweedled-dum and says they brought it on themselves. Beel asks Lucifer what they’ll do. Lucifer says Mammon & Levi should deal with it, Levi tries to protest but Asmo says they should have known this would happen. They’re interrupted by Simeon and Solomon, with Solomon saying he wants MC to take care of this.

Lucifer asks why they’re here. Solomon says Barbatos told him and that the bogeyman was a perfect opportunity that they can’t let go to waste and that he wants to make it MC’s final exam. MC can say it sounds exciting or crazy, MC’s a lunatic so after they say the first Solomon is pleased and says he’d expect nothing less from his apprentice and that this is gonna be hard but it’ll make it more rewarding. Simeon laughs and says Solomon seems to have rubbed off on MC, he pauses and adds “in a good way”. Solomon smiling says that they’ll have Simeon with them as help. Simeon says he’d only come by to deliver cakes but had gotten kidnapped by Solomon. MC says they could use Simeon’s help, he’s silent for a moment but agrees though he says he doesn’t know how much help he’ll be. The others agree to come along to watch/help MC’s exam. Mammon gets all sparkly at the thought of his ‘sweet little brothers’ coming to help but Belphie says none of them are doing it for him or Levi but for MC instead. Levi says he feels like they really lucked out here. Solomon asks Lucifer if he has any protests. Lucifer looks tired and done but agrees to it all. They end up in a really creepy bloodstained hall bathed in red light. Beel asks Levi not to walk plastered on to him. Levi stutters and says he can’t. Mammon, also thoroughly freaked out, holds on to MC as they walk and says the hallway is really creepy. Asmo scolds him for using this as an excuse to hold MC. Lucifer tells them all to stfu. From the far end of the fall they hear growling until from the shadows something roars and comes charging towards them. Mammon screams.

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magnus-the-maqnificent · 3 years

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Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone.

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

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These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

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And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

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Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

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*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

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reddeadreference · 2 years

Text

Blog Progress Update

Drafts: 68 - Queue: 60

Queue as of 4/13/22

-Missions-

Chapter 6: ALL

Epilogue 1: ALL

Epilogue 2: Half

-Other-

POI: 6

Locations: 20

Stranger Missions: 3

Journal (Chapter): 2

I’m slowly getting to the point where I’ll start having the queue post multiple times a day.

Travel Blog Portion below:

Damn it Pearson glitched so I didn’t get the dialogue you’re supposed to get with him… I know it’s not a cutscene but still I wanted to have the audio… he also glitched in the fact he looks like chapter 1 Pearson (second attempt to get the audio to play) with his coat and hair on top of his head..

Omfg I’ve been trying to damn a damn waxing cider fucking whatever bird for the last real life hour… I’ve only found good ones and the one perfect I found I shot too many times UGH

Finally got the hunting stuff done just gotta get John Squirrelson

Mrs Hobbs… ma’am.. You wanna explain why the squirrel magically has the same hat and outfit as John? How. Did. She. Know? Also she just threw in the fact she tried this with humans once. Like OKAY O-O that happened apparently.…

Welp.. time to get home to play hide and seek with the Squirrel Cowboy… Abi you get your dolls, let me have this..

Taking photos of Jack’s room… WHO THE FUCK GOT THIS BOY A TRUMPET?

Did some chores until dinner, sat down and BAM Charles is magically glitched back… only… it’s Charles just having gotten shot because his wound is wrapped but definitely still bleeding… he also doesn’t have a bowl anymore.. Just a spoon. A note also popped up next to him on the table but i don’t think it’s anything. Also I’ve gotten a glitch where I can just continuously greet Uncle… “Hello… Howdy… Old man… Hello….Hi…” and Uncle just looks at him.. Occasionally he’ll say Hi back. THE LETTER IS A LETTER FROM TILLY!!!! Did… did Charles actually come back and bring the mail with him XD

Omfg I started reading it, standing right next to Charles and as I’m reading I took a sip of my drink “Everything okay?” and I just look at the screen to see him looking at me like “wtf?” and almost spat out my drink laughing XD I love that Tilly and Mary-Beth keep in touch Q-Q

Abigail can play the piano… LOOK AT HER! (I spent way to long editing this and playing it multiple times to try and add things to it.) Like the detail of her hitting the wrong notes and looking frustrated and looking like she’s having fun when she’s getting it right. I LOVE IT.

youtube

It sounded like the sprig of shelelli(idk) song Sean sang but at times like another song.…

I couldn’t figure out where to change my clothes… I can just imagine John “Abigail… how do I change my clothes?!” annnnd now idk how to sleep… do I have a side of the bed? Can I only sleep at night? “Abigail! How do I sleep?!”

Also… Uncle sleeps UPSTAIRS and by upstairs I mean UP THE LADDER? Lambago and he has to climb a ladder…

Woke up “You can now feed the chickens.” John wakes up all excited, confusing the heck outta Abigail “I can feed the chickens!”

Ahhhh to you too sheep

So in order for her to hide the statue John needs to leave the ranch so I’m gonna go do Miller’s first quest

Fast traveled to Manzanita post and I didn’t know that the NPCs there would keep speaking Norwegian or Swedish.. (I forgot which the guy was)

Ugh.. made the mistake of alerting the skinner brothers to my presence and they killed the person I was supposed to save…

"I am that most worthless of all creatures… a writer.” I know but HEY

John’s face when Evelyn Miller gives his name XD *shocked John-achu* (ya know like... like Pikachu but... I’ll shut up now)

“... Connecticut fops…” O_O I never hear my state said in media it always messes with me XD idk y

Second time finding the squirrel and I thought “what are you doing John?! The fireplace is on!” …. ON…. The fire is ON… omfg… V.V

Alright anyway I can get all the newspapers I missed now so that’ll be the trips away from home I take to get her to hide the thing.

I love that we’re hiding and finding and putting back the statue without a word to each other about it.

Went to Rhodes to get newspapers (kid’s missing so that’s glitched) but I stopped by the gunsmith and he apologized for “what happened” as if it wasn’t Arthur 8 years ago who freed the guy in his basement. John goes “We’ve all kidnapped someone.” “We have?” “NO Of course not!”

Stopped by the Gen store,

“Damn John you’ve been gone a long time.” OH COME ON so I’m never getting the dialogue I’m supposed to get yet you recognize me?! I wish we got some more special dialogue like if we buy coffee “I remember how much Abigail liked her coffee.” or a chocolate bar “That for Jack?” or something like that… NevEr mind! Hovering over a chocolate bar “Young Jack will like that.” damn but no Abigail coffee comment..

“I wonder how many of the others are still alive.” OOF

“In case you’re wondering, I still make a damn fine stew.” Q-Q

“You should’ve seen this town when the Gray’s were still in charge, pft.” Dude… I … I was there.

“It’s a hell of a lot of work but I love this store and a life where I ain’t sleeping outside hehe.”

“I heard Swanson is a preacher in New York now, good on him!” dude it took like 5 real life minutes for him to finally say this… I’m legit just staring at the catalog and listening as I work on other posts.

“I went to Clemen’s Point the other day just to see it again. Brought it all flooding back.” (again this took to long to play)

“You always were indecisive” HEY

So I left and came back to Pearson after finishing the squirrel stuff and he mentioned wanting to send a letter! So hopefully I'll get that too.

Last person I need to see is Rains Fall (I like how there's like one per major place. Mary-Beth in Valentine, Tilly in Saint Denis, Pearson in Rhodes, and Rains Fall in Annesburg.) Kinda wish we'd also see Trelawny maybe… but he would be in Saint Denis with his family so that would have taken Tilly's spot… oh and I need to talk to Charlotte Balfour (not part of the gang but still someone I need to see)

So the whole gang as of 1907

Dutch - On the run

Hosea, Arthur, Susan, Strauss, Molly, Sean, Kieran, Lenny, Micah - X (dead)

John, Abigail, Jack, Uncle, - Beecher's Hope

Charles - Beecher’s Hope -> Canada

Sadie - South America (?)

Javier - Mexico (According to the newspaper article Notorious Bad Man Alive “telegraph from Mexico” reports he’s in the mountains)

Bill - On the run(?)

Pearson - Rhodes (running the general store)

Swanson - New York (said by Pearson and in a newspaper article)

Tilly - Saint Denis

Mary-Beth - Valentine (forgot if she said where she is now)

Karen - also X (dead via drinking ?)

Trelawny - ????

Is Trelawny the only one we don't have the confirmed or even suspected whereabouts?

I'm gonna try and make a timeline visual for when certain people joined the gang (as best I can cause certain people we don't have a definite start date) and a visual for the timeline of the game. It would most likely look like a sideways bar graph type thing.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #blog progress update #abigail roberts

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venteamocha · 3 years

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Hello! Sometimes I see you post stuff from IF blogs and I've recently started playing some IF games, which I've enjoyed so far. Do you have any IF stories you'd recommend in particular? I'm not attached to any particular genre and I don't need romance or a self-insert main character, (though I'm not opposed to either). Though, it's a definite plus if it's LGBTQ+ inclusive! I'm not really sure what the "cornerstones" are of IF so I'll take any and all recommendations haha

Oh god, I play so many IFs. So many. And it’s not even close to all of them, but I’m trying!!

Tbh IFs without romance seems to be very rare, I think because when I think IF I think Choice of Games, and those pretty much always have romance in them. At least, the most well known ones do. But a well done one without romance would be nice too!

Okay, this is a list of my favourites! They’re all LGBT+ inclusive, and most have gender selectable love interests, or at least ones that change gender depending on the gender and sexuality combination you pick. In no particular order, of course. Behind a cut because I’m gonna give them each a mini review. Because I haven’t done that yet.

(There are so many.)

Mind Blind: I absolutely love our big brother Nick, I love how witty and sharp so much of the dialogue is, I love how the MC clearly has a rather large handicap, but is still such an important person to so many people and not looked down on in the slightest. And when they are, we all know it’s because that person is a jerk! They’re not defined by what they aren’t, but what they are, and that’s a great message.

Shepherds of Haven: Part of why I love this one so much is I just love fantasy settings and this one just pulls it off so well. The cast is full of amazing characters, and I gotta say I die inside pretty regularly for not being able to afford the patreon content, lol. The author puts so much amazing stuff on there, and gives us so much great content in the game and through answers on tumblr, and you can tell this whole thing is just the best thing ever to them, and that makes it the best ever for us readers too!

The Wayhaven Chronicles: I’d be shot if I didn’t mention this one, the series that literally killed dashingdon when the book 3 demo dropped!! Again, another author that cares a lot and does their best to do right by their fans. We’ve been given drip after drip of these amazing characters backstories, and I just cannot wait for more! It’s definitely very romance centered, but the overall plotlines are also very good, and I have to say that no matter who I romance, I just feel like the group as a whole is a family. And that’s wonderful.

Speaker: I really like the lore. I really like the lore. I can’t wait until we get more of the overall plotline. Mostly I want my Speaker to get in deep trouble so Seb, Li and Seer (best sister ever) go off and beat the shit out of whatever is causing it. This probably says something about me, but what can I say, I thrive on angst and inflicting near death injuries on my OCs. Sometimes I even kill them, although all of this is offtopic. Or is it? I guess we’ll find out, although I doubt we’ll actually be able to kill off Speaker. And yes, I am definitely playing the Seb & Li poly route. I love them both so much.

Wilhelmina: I love vampires, ok? Ok? And this one is based off Dracula!! The OG!! And you can choose Drac’s gender!! Shit, sign me up forever!! Yeah, she might be literally killing my bff, torturing my fiancé and low key fucking with my mind, but vampires are hot!! Let me live! Or not. But yeah, this is a really well done retelling of the Dracula novel and I like how well it works as an IF. Did I mention I like vampires?? Especially when they get all monstery?? (This one has an MC with a set gender, as it’s based on an already existing literary figure. Mina can have a same sex relationship with dracula, if you make drac a female, or with Lucy, a female love interest.)

More Things in Heaven and Earth: Hi Nell!! First off, I gotta uncover a deep shame of mine. My family literally has a Shakespeare heirloom collection. As in, my greatgrandfather passed down through the family a collection of Shakespeare that was published in 1911. In ye olde englishe. I tried to read it when I was like 10 and was like what language is this?? What the fuck? What the fuck??? And ended up reading As You Like It, a bit of Romeo and Juliet, and a little of Hamlet. Didn’t touch the rest of it. I only got into the other stories through trashy ya reimaginings. That said, this retelling of Hamlet inspired me to go read the whole of the original and now I have a lot of fears for these characters that I’m so much more attached to, oh god I hope my Ophelia has a happy ending. I hope Hamlet himself has a happy ending. The dialogue is so well done, everyone is engaging, and yeah it made me finish an old af book when nothing else did. (This one also has an MC with a set gender, female, for the same reason. However, there are two gender variable love interests, so you can very much play a bi or gay Ophelia if you so choose.)

Guenevere: I love King Arthur. All the myths. I have so many books based on the King Arthur mythos, oh dear god. I love pretty much every version of it. All the movie and tv shows too! I just can’t get enough of those knights. I could go on for paragraphs about how courtly love worked and how all the different social castes were, but I’ll try not to. This series lets you customize Guen as a character to an amazing degree, considering that she’s also based on an actual literary figure like the other two I mentioned above. It really feels like she becomes your own character, and yet she still exists within this world very very well. I worry quite a bit that the author might have bit off more than they can chew with the current book they’re working on, what I’ve seen of it looks absolutely massive in scale. What is out so far is a wonderful read though, full of drama and laughter and lots of chances to make the story your own.

Bastard of Camelot: Yep! Another King Arthur series! Sue me! This one lets you set Mordred’s gender though, so it’s more inclusive in that way. It is very interesting to play as one of the “bad guys” of the King Arthur mythos. You can play them as straight up evil, as good, or you know, a bit of column a and a bit of column b. Or they can just be a rude little shit. It’s got dragons too! You get a dragon pet! Dragons are cool. It can be a bit tough to play sometimes, since a lot of people dislike Mordred quite a lot because of prejudices. Hopefully this will change a bit later in the series if you’ve been a fairly good person up to that point. Gotta say though, as a warning, that Mordred is a product of incest. It’s not glossed over, and it does cause a lot of problems for them in the story.

God of the Red Mountain: I just love that this inspired me to read more chinese mythology tbh. There is just so much here! And it’s just such a good read. I wish I was better at describing things. The MC being a spirit that you can define, the whole setting, most of the love interests also being spirits, the massive amount of history and culture and lore, how it all fits together. It is such a well done story. I really wish it got more attention than it does. I still miss Big Sister. I still can’t wait to find out more about the foxes, and how we can heal our MC.

The Nameless: Another one that lets you play as something otherworldly. I love the lore behind this one, and I love all of the cast I’ve met. I kind of like that our MC isn’t loved right off the bat, that we’ll have to win over all of our love interests and even the other npcs. I’m up for the challenge! Everything I’ve read on the tumblr for these characters just makes me love them all more tbh. I love how much they’ve written for all of them! Most of all though, I love Oisein. All the art of them is just *chef kiss* and their personality is magical.

A Mage Reborn: This is a really recent one but!! Wow, it’s really well done! That cliffhanger!! Oof!! Not many books literally start with killing your MC off! That takes guts! I told the author this already, but I love the way they formatted this, the way it starts with the end, so to speak, and then fills it all out. It just made everything feel so poignant, how MC is literally looking back at all these moments in time in the last minutes they have before they die. Shit. That’s powerful. And there’s gonna be more??? Can’t wait for that angst. Give me that drama. Of course I picked the one who had me killed, that’s just how I am!

These are all just the COG type games, there are a few twine games with graphics I’d throw on here, but the list is long enough as it is and they feel like they’re in a different category to me. Maybe it’s just me?

#if #if recs #rivi's recs #interactive fiction #there are more than these that i like too!#these are just the ones i feel the strongest about #and as i said these don't include the itchio twine ones #there are amazing ones there too but that feels like it should be a separate post?#i'd put links but i think it won't show up anywhere if i do #because tumblr is A Site #i can pass them on though if needed

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molnlycke · 3 years

Text

100 DAYS OF SUNLIGHT BY ABBIE EMMONS REVIEW

As a disclaimer I want to say that I found the Youtube channel of Abbie Emmons by one of her ‘write with me’ videos. Following that I watched some of her WritersLifeWednesdays vlogs and thought, this woman has tremendous passion and work put into her craft. She actually gives valuable advice, and the themes of her videos are pretty good. So when I saw that she has a novel of her own published, I wanted to see how she incorporates the stuff she talks about into practical work. This is how I started reading her debut novel: 100 Days of Sunlight.

I was curious, okay?

But oh man, what is this?

This book… I’m sorry it’s just so bad. The mess of glaring problems, plotholes, the …characterisation. Abbie Emmons says every good story is character driven (which I wholeheartedly stand by if it is executed well!!!) but what should I get from this, honestly?

There are too many things screaming PROBLEMATIC here.

But let’s start at the beginning.

The exposition––the first chapter’s building don’t make no sense. It has a twist in it alright, but why start with something that turns out to be a dream (or a scrap of a memory in this case) of the actual past, only to get dumped with everything else that also happened following that scene? All of this is told from the protagonist’s reminiscing of said happening.

- To be clear the book starts with the scene of an accident–the accident in which the protagonist, Tessa loses her sight. A drunk driver with a pickup truck runs the red light crashing into the car Tessa and her grandmother are in. Soon it turns out that’s only a recurring nightmare and she’s been home for one or two weeks (maybe? I don’t remember precisely). By this time she has already lost her sight. Tessa runs the audience over all that happened after the accident (basically in those weeks she got discharged from the hospital etc. etc.) Now my question is why not start the book from the accident itself? It all gets narrated either way.

The next problem is the way first Tessa’s grandparents, and then the WHOLE BOOK just downplays consent. Why? Why would you do that?

- Tessa’s grandparents “know better what’s good for her than she does”–that’s an actual quote from the novel btw. Nothing glaringly alerting in that, I mean adults often have this way of thinking about children. Until… they try to arrange a stranger to help Tessa with transcribing her work. Tessa is a poet with a blog where she posts her work on schedule. Ever since the accident, she doesn’t feel like writing (or blogging for that matter). She’s shut herself off from the virtual world, doesn’t touch her laptop, nor speaks with her internet friends. (Because ofc she’s homeschooled, doesn’t like to go out at all and only has internet friends in the first place.) She’s in her room for most of the day, cries a lot and tries to cope. Whether her coping is good or bad I’m not qualified to say, but she thinks of herself as selfish, lazy, cynical, and depressed most of the time––everything she never wanted to be, things hates with every fibre of her being. She blames herself and basically detests life for beating her down to the ground. She feels she can’t get up even though she’s told, her blindness is a condition that can go away in ninety-something days’ time. I think feeling these emotions are pretty reasonable for a teenager. It’s been like three weeks since the accident, and her newfound blind perspective of life. That can’t be easy. BUT her grandparents know this isn’t healthy, Tessa needs to write. “I haven’t written one verse, one line, one word of poetry. I have no desire to. I have no inspiration, no joy. It’s all gone.” - Tessa from ch.1 So what do Granny and Gramps do following their infinite wisdom? Play the girl. And I’m like, sure dude, harass the child into doing what you want. Sure, don’t try to get her professional help or a psychotherapeutist or something if you think she’s faring so terribly. Sure, run an ad for hiring some part timer to transcribe for the poet who doesn’t want to write anymore. Sure, do it all behind her back. I mean she has PTSD and is blind for now, but yeah, this will most definitely help. Good job! For goodness’ sake they treat the girl like she’s been locked inside her room for months?!

When they share this brilliant plan with Tessa, she freaks out so much the elderly retract the ad. But not before the son of the newspaper’s owner gets a scrap of this new, possible past time activity and decides to be a creep and essentially stalk Tessa. But that’s for later.

Tessa explicitly tells her grandparents she doesn’t want to meet new people, doesn’t want to write, what she needs is time. So the next thing Granny does is pushes an unknown, teenage boy into her blind granddaughter’s room for a chat. Against Tessa’s repeated objections! There’s so much nonsense going on in the sequence of the story. Like one day there comes a boy–a stranger, knocking on the door, saying he’s this and this’ son and wants to help. And because, at a glance, he has prosthetic legs, you invite him first into the house then into your blind teenage granddaughter’s room? Without actually knowing if he is who he says he is? Without knowing the first thing about him? But even if that part is true, and he is who he says–the son of the newspaper’s owner, let’s not forget the mildly stalkerish way the guy’s been acting.

Granny shares a shit load about Tessa’s problems, then flat out tells her to meet Weston. “I told you I don’t want help. And I certainly don’t want anyone touching my laptop. I don’t want to write. I don’t want some stranger coming into my house and feeling sorry for me!” That’s Tessa speaking with Granny prior to the meeting. I mean it’s no biggie if she’s against the whole idea because he could help, right? Is this the American way of handling things? Someone give me a spoon that I can boink myself in the head with to get around this type of mentality.

At the first meeting Tessa has meltdown, screams at Weston and cries. Tells him she doesn’t need help. Tells him not to bother. Tells him she wants him OUT OF HER ROOM. Weston leaves before telling her he’ll be back the next day. And Granny and everyone else is fine with that. So in the following days the nuisance has the audacity to come over, small-talk the grandparents into loving him because he’s so charming everyone is in love with him a little. (That’s another thing from the book, I shit you not, the dude straight up thinks things like this. Yes, I know it’s self-deceit.) Weston forcibly takes over Tessa’s room which is basically the last place she feels comfortable at? Never mind, now someone’s popping in randomly when they think it’s cool, telling her what to do––“I know you don’t need me. But you need to write.” Bitch I think you need to fuck off from people’s lives who don’t want you in it. Just an advice.

One time Tessa wakes up to Weston barging into her room (“...he walks into my room without knocking, at 9.00 a.m., when I’m still in my pajamas”). Granny’s off to do her things leaving the boy to stay and make himself at home. Huh, quite reasonable.

Weston forces Tessa to accept there’s no fleeing this situation––one, the three of them (him and the oldies) constructed for her. Because it’s helping.

That’s basically the question of: where’s the line between wanting to help someone and pushing them even deeper when they’re already at a bad place. But since this is a YA romance everything is nice and good and sorted at the end so Tessa can thank her loving family for forcing their volition on her.

- Here’s another lovely example of consent portrayed in the novel: “I told you I don’t want to go outside.” Weston laughs. “You also told me to get out of your house and never come back.” “And you directly disobeyed my wishes.” “And you’ve been enjoying it...” Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing what’s wrong with this whole dialogue. It’s so disappointing and frankly, discouraging, to see an attitude like this written by a woman, targeted at a young, female audience.

- Oh, there’s their first kiss as well. It’s really really romantic. Weston asks for permission then doesn’t wait for the answer! “I’m gonna kiss you. Is that okay?” It’s not fair, because I don’t give her any time to reply. Instead, I press my lips against hers. Without permission.” ...So why did he even bother to ask? To seem nice? Well, as the saying goes it’s the thought that counts… So is this how consent works? NO! But consent never stood a chance in this book at the first place.

Next up; Characters.

*not @me side-eyeing Abbie’s video about how to craft a strong female protagonist* - I’m not gonna say a lot about Tessa. For me she falls flat like a cut-out. She’s paper thin, and dumb, although she’s the novel’s protagonist. Funny though, I feel she has less to give to the story than Weston, and it’s not just the length of their respective chapters. There’s like 600-700 words from Tessa’s POV (mainly about Weston 80% of the times), then we get a 4k word count chapter from Weston (mainly about his own journey and overcoming his struggles). Tessa’s chapters are either shallow or about her time spent with Weston. Opposed to this Weston has a full arc of him getting over the loss of his legs and standing up from it (quite literally). See what I’m talking about? All I get from Tessa before the accident is that she’s a writer, homeschooled, likes her colour coordinated books, and waffles (like Abbie ha!) (*whispers* and she wears her hair in a messy bun, ofc she does). Oh and she can’t live without WiFi. All I get after the accident is that she’s hurting, angry and blind. And now she has Weston. So her backstory is…..?

- Weston. Oh man where to start. Now he has a backstory. From it we can conclude how idiotic he is. That’s not recklessness or being a teenage boy. I’m sorry but his behaviour is simply idiotic. Sometimes he’s really grown up (taking care of his baby brothers and all) other times he has like 1 (one) braincell operating in his head. Bearing weeks of pain, and not saying anything about it to anyone because that’s not superhero like? WHAT??? He experienced, at the least, three weeks of torturous pain and several days of fever and dizziness, popping Advil like it’s candy. Still, the only one who realised this is his best friend at school and his 10 year old brother who was at the scene of Weston injuring his legs in the first place. What about the parents one might ask. Well Idk. Obviously a 13 year old is so good at deception and sneaking around that adults can’t catch on! On this note I want to gift Parents of the Year Award to Mamma and Pappa Ludovico. With parental supervision like that I’m baffled the child lived up to the age 13.

Weston is the nightmare male lead people usually salivate after in k-dramas stuffed into the body of a 16 year old American boy. Now I’ve never understood those people and their preferences of the bratty, entitled, but oh-so-handsome males and I still don’t understand to this day. Where’s the appeal? Don’t ask me.

I’ll just put down some quotes: “It’s the first time in three years anyone has ever met me without that look of pity on their face. The first time anyone has ever looked at me and not seen me. The first time anyone has stood before me—with perfectly normal legs—and complained about their own problem. The feeling is exhilarating.” So basically this is the so called ‘No one has ever treated me like this. Except this girl, my God, she’s intriguing’. Weston enjoys Tessa’s rude behaviour. “So she’s stubborn. She’s rude. She’s a spitfire wallflower who lost her sight and now hates anyone who tries to help her. Game on.” ...Are you five? “Tessa is the only Dickinson who doesn’t like me.” I have no idea why that could be. But, listen, listen: “I turn around in the desk chair, throwing her a hard look over my shoulder. She’s still sitting rigid and stoic on her bed, staring at nothing. She’s actually really pretty. Her eyes are bluer than mine—the enhanced kind of blue you see in contact lens commercials. She has freckles, too. Just a few, thrown across her nose and cheeks. Her hair is braided today, less messy. She looks so serious. I liked it better when she was screaming and crying.” Idk somehow this sounds like every badly composed romance I’ve ever seen. Let’s just say the progression of the relationship between Weston and Tessa infuriated me 90% of the story. You can help others without being an ass. You can also help others without being a horrible love interest, but that’s for another day. YA contemporaries don’t work like that.

Oh Weston, what a knight in shining armour. Three years prior, he had this thing with Clara Hernandez–a girl from school. It wasn’t real dating but they spent some time together (he walked her to class ooooh~~~) so she became “at the time, my unofficial girlfriend”. Things change after Weston’s accident, of course. He tells her he doesn’t want to continue their ambiguous relationship. And that’s alright, it’s his choice, BUT he then kind of passes the girl to his best friend, so she won’t annoy him anymore? The way he narrates the whole thing is...ugh. “But she wasn’t even dumping me, and we weren’t even dating. We were thirteen years old, for crying out loud.” See, this is Weston thinking about what happened. And this is him telling Rudy about it: “What were you talking to Clara about?” he (Rudy) asked. “I dumped her.” Following in another chapter they talk about how now that the coast is clear––Weston and Clara are through, Rudy should hit on Clara: “He wanted to resist the whole thing and deny his obvious crush on Clara Hernandez. But he couldn’t do anything except laugh and shake his head. He knew I was the best friend he could ever ask for.” Such a kind and caring person for handing out the girl he doesn’t really want to his best friend. Give him a medal for that one. Idk this whole business irked me to no end, like Clara was his possession or something. (Yeah, and the poor girl eventually ended up with Rudy, not like she had any other choice…)

- Downplaying female friendship. Yeah, that one happens as well. When Tessa talks with her friends (her blogging circle) the only thing we as readers can glimpse about their conversation is “Tell us more about the boy,” like... really? Because once again that’s the only thing a group of friends can talk about when one of them suffers an accident resulting in trauma. And Tessa’s answer? “At first, I didn’t like him. I thought he didn’t understand anything about me—even though he acted like he did. And I’m not sure that he understands much, even now. But he’s kind. And patient. And he kept coming back to type poetry for me, so I’ve kind of been forced to make friends with him.” The reply of her friends… “Aw ... He sounds really cute.” Yeah, really cute, forcing you to be friends with him. “How can you not be in love with a boy who makes you waffles?” Well, friend no.5, it’s not that hard… But there’s more. After Tessa gets her sight back the only thing we get from this supporting bubble of warm friends is as follows: “LIV: TESSA HOW ARE YOU FEELING ME: a lot better actually ME: my headache FINALLY went away MARIA: yayy!! ALLISON: PRAISE THE LORD ME: yeah fr KATE: So glad to hear you’re doing better, Tessa! It must be quite a transition omg… GRACIE: I can’t even imagine ME: it’s been pretty crazy ME: but good ME: I guess ME: ugh idk mixed emotions LIV: ???? LIV: TELL US EVERYTHING LIV: if u want to lol ME: ahhh well ME: Weston is kind of not talking to me anymore,” That is it my friends. Two to three sentences about her condition and it’s time to talk about the boy. Is this really how shallow anyone would want to describe the protagonist and her close-knit group of friends talking for the first time after one of them lost their sight? Then again, talking for the first time after she got her sight back? I’m disappointed to say the least.

- I didn’t care for any other character enough to jot down my observations. They were bland, they were there to help the main couple, nothing more, nothing less. Weston’s kid brothers were cute and Rudy seemed like a normal, sane character (I applaud him for that). All I can say is the families in this novel are something else.

The romance.

Okay, let me state before anything else: I like romance if there’s balance. I like romance when the people involved are equals. I believe a relationship, and a good one at that, should have cornerstones. One of them has to be that equality. It also doesn’t hurt if none of the involved parties are assholes. The romance can be of any trope as long as the happy ending is tied to said relationship being healthy. And I don’t mean sorely the end product; the way that relationship is constructed step by step should resemble these things. If not, at least call them out for it. I’m not the advocate of perfect characters or relationships (any kind, not just romance) because that would be really unrealistic. It can be bad, yeah, it can be toxic, or a little messed up in the middle. But for crying out loud reflect that in the storytelling! Do it especially if the story is planned for a younger audience! Now let me make another statement: What I don’t like is that in mostly American YA het-romances there are rarely any of these things.

- This one here is probably supposed to be the writer’s well liked trope of hate-to-love romance, but I feel the concept of kindergarteners is more fitting. The boy forces, the girl yields. But it’s okay because he likes her and wants to help.

There are some cases of harassment sprinkled in, as in one party objecting the other’s closeness or presence and the latter not giving a damn about this. Real respectful; but, hey, that’s part of consent too so I guess it simply flew over our heads in this particular story. A fresh and original concept on romance, wholesome and healthy. And the thing is, Weston actually knows these things. He literally says so in the book, “...until I intruded on Tessa’s life, however it happened.”

And of course Tessa is more pure than fresh snow on white lillies; she’s basically a lotus. Weston is the first boy stepping into her room. Give me a second to freak out about that. It’s so exciting! (Mostly by knowing the circumstances in which he did that.)

The other thing that annoyed me was Weston’s entitlement and holier-than-thou attitude. He knows everything better than Tessa. He knows Tessa better than she herself does WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HER. That’s the moral of the story. No, but I’m not kidding, some of his thoughts set me on fire. “She wrote about sunlight and oceans and falling in love, when I’m pretty sure she has no idea what it feels like to fall in love.” I’m sorry, but do you know Tessa? (besides stalking her via the grandparents)???? The audacity, I’m cackling.

- Can someone tell me why Tessa speaks with Weston if she doesn’t want to? I mean besides that this way the story can go on. She actually starts their conversation on the second day. Me, personally, don’t talk to people whose presence I can barely tolerate. How silly, I know.

- Weston annoys the shit put of Tessa for like five minutes but he talks to her, (for his own selfish reasons may I add––Weston, honey, if you want people not to pity you try helping blind little kids who actually want your help) and brings her flowers, and chocolate so I guess it’s reasonable that approximately four days later Tessa’s attitude shifts to comparing him to sunlight. “Weston is everything And all at once. Weston is gentle And harsh. Weston can be blindingly bright But then he can also be Delicately soft. Weston is a paradox.” – Oof girl.

- Let me tell you kids just because someone annoys or teases you and you tolerate it––that’s not the get-go to life changing love. Even though he’s the first real life boy whom you’ve ever spent casual time with. But he’s the first boy who ever showed you real attention, you say. Well then, that’s a grace girls have to accept. Or so this book and so many others try to make us believe. The sad thing is, there actually could’ve been a conflict––if one wants to write about opposites attracting each other so much––without making the story so cliched and weak.

Plot-holes.

- Maybe it’s nitpicking for some, BUT… why was Weston in his dad’s office in the first place? I never got around to the reason of that. He loiters around there once a week, that’s what the book states. Well, okay, he is there inspecting the motivational quotes collection on the wall while his father just works away. And am I supposed to believe the man is all cool with this? What is Weston doing there? For what reason? The answer is easy: he simply had to hear the phone call of Tessa’s grandfather retracting the ad.

- Now why does his father–the owner of the newspaper–accept calls regarding ads in the first place? Is this really how things work? Other employees do nothing? I’ve worked at a small printing company in the past. The management only accepted calls regarding ads if there wasn’t a single soul anywhere near the perimeter of the office. There’s a department for jobs like this. Bosses don’t qualify.

- About the already mentioned beautiful first meeting, where sparks fly, and the lovely couple can roll off a great start... If Tessa didn’t want to meet anyone why didn’t she lock her door? That’s a pretty easy task. At first I thought maybe there’s no lock on the door. But wait; after the disastrous meeting she locks herself away. “The door is locked, and Grandma has stopped trying to open it.” Sooo there was a lock after all…...okay…….

- Why is almost everyone in this book freckled with blonde hair and blue eyes? Okay, this really is just nitpicking, but like, is there some symbolism in that? *bounces eyebrows* Ehem, if you know what I mean.

- I’m not sure if this is an actual plot-hole but I was really surprised by the lack of anxiety Weston’s approach triggered in Tessa. Essentially, Weston is a stranger at the start of the book, with whom she gets locked into a room, without anyone else in there, when she’s still adjusting to the fact she can’t see. I especially looked out for it; Weston closes her door every time he’s over at their house to speak with her. I mean the first time she’s angry; but what about later? She doesn’t even seem nervous or affected by this at a time when her blindness is still fresh. Yet, when they go to Barnes & Noble, a public space with people around, Tessa is anxious the minute Weston leaves for a bathroom break. Like okay, some strange dude tries to pick her up and she’s rightfully terrified, but all she has to do is call out. Now both of these scenes are pressuring and scary, but where’s the difference? Tessa is nervous when the stranger approaches her in the book store, a big and open space with people around even before said stranger tries to initiate skinship. She tells him to leave her alone. But she did just that when Weston first went to see her. And Weston didn’t give a shit about it, much like the high schooler at the book store. And I’m supposed to believe with Weston she wasn’t apprehensive at all? Of course she wasn’t… he’s the love interest.

The whole book store scene makes me so uncomfortable and NOT because of what you’d think. It’s simply distasteful to create a scenario like that only to draw it back to… yes, you guessed it, Weston. He’s the saviour sweeping Tessa off her feet with “Get your hands off my girl” and chasing away that jerk. Why is it that still, in the year of *looks at smudged handwriting on hand* sometime past the 1890s there’s the need to use The Jerk™ hitting on the girl and The Nice Guy™ saving her by making her seem like his property? Oh did I forgot to mention the jerk smelled like cigarettes, and his pants were falling off his ass. I’m surprised he wasn’t wearing a leather jacket or had piercings just to fit the look to a T. That usage of my girl ...ugrghgh I can already feel white hairs sprouting from this. Look, I’m not against the idea of belonging to your beloved. If you want to say it, cool, do it. But when it’s not consensual, and you’re not a couple who already expressed to one another the wish to be viewed that way maybe DON’T FUCKING USE IT. Not to one up another guy trying scare the baddie away. Man, don’t do that. *channelling my inner LE to rap the last line really loud* What’s even better than this? Tessa’s reaction: “Despite the gravity of the situation, I can’t help but smile and get butterflies all over again.” REALLY???? Please donate braincells to this girl. She really needs it.

The dynamic of relationships.

- This is mind bogging for me. Almost all relations (excluding the most fundamental ones) serve a sole reason: cheer on and make the main couple happen. This book is promoted as a love story, one, not limited to romance. It’s a love story of family bonds, love between brothers, and grandparents, and friends. And that’s true for Weston… but for Tessa??? I don’t think so. But maybe that stems from how underdeveloped Tessa’s character is.

- The main couple’s dynamic is so stilted. Weston basically caused the state he is in, Tessa suffered an accident caused by outer circumstances. She’s the victim of a drunk driver, while quite frankly, Weston’s the victim of his own stupidity. And yet, since Weston decided to fight for himself he expects Tessa to do the same. Now that’s a nice thought, even if it’s about someone you barely know and met maybe two times in your life. Is that a reason to harass the other and tell them what to do, not taking no for an answer? I highly doubt it. Weston wanted to get better so he pressed himself, but he made that choice himself. It’s beautifully written down not once, not twice, but multiple times; how hard it was for him to choose between 1, the easy way––the flat grounded desert and 2, the hard scaling and rocky mountain range. He chose the mountain range and that’s admirable. What’s not admirable is, that from what I get from this book, Tessa never had the luxury of a choice. Because other’s never gave her time or let her decide for herself. Tessa says Weston is stubborn and obnoxiously optimistic. I think he’s just obnoxious, period.

- At the end of the book Tessa narrates how ashamed she feels and how her heart is breaking “Because of what Life has done to Weston.” For one, is Life responsible for what happened to Weston? I’d liked to read about how Weston tells the story of losing his legs to Tessa with a straight face, because all thorough the book he never once did that. To anyone. If that happened, he ought to admit how incredibly stupid he had been. As well as the consequences of his own decisions, every time he went on without saying a word or asking for help. That stubbornness is his character trait. Yes, it is, but we never get to see how that affected his family, there wasn’t one paragraph about his parents talking about it with him.

- On this note why is Tessa always so ashamed, feeling like she’s the brute, saying sorry to everyone at every chance? It’s not like others apologised to her once. This character trait only perpetuates the notion how everything others impose on her is fair trade because they only want to help. And either way, she only feels apologetic about standing up for herself.

Mentions of notable things that annoyed me.

- The judgement if a girl need makeup or not, because *banging pots and pans* she’s beautiful no matter what in the boy’s eyes. And he tells her just that. “Are you wearing makeup?” I ask, without thinking. Tessa smiles just a little. “Yeah,” she says. “Grandma helped me with it. This feels like… a special occasion.” “You don’t need it, you know. You look beautiful without it. But you look beautiful with it, too. You always look beautiful. Even when you’re crying.” Tessa really needed to know your opinion about her wearing makeup Weston. Kudos for you for telling her she doesn’t need it because she looks beautiful without it, but it’s okay to wear it as she looks beautiful with it too. Great input man!

- At this point I’m not even surprised, but there really was the girl staring at something, asking if it’s pretty. (Okay, Tessa couldn’t stare but she was probably imagining––here it’s the sundown, bc of the whole sunlight theme). Then the boy answering, “Yeah, it’s pretty.” Not as pretty as you, he thinks while staring straight at her. Hello, is this a Disney production?

Conclusion.

All in all is this the worst book ever? No. Are there unforgivable problems with it? Not explicitly.

My biggest problem is what message it sends about relationship patterns, patterns I hate with a fiery passion. It’s the same old shit I grew up with, and it’s the same old shit that doesn’t seem to change after twenty years. Not even now when,––with the help of the era of internet––everyone is suddenly so woke. But are they, really? All I saw about this novel is the raving reviews praising it to heavens. And there are themes in it that deserve praise––the acceptance of one’s self, the loss, the forgiveness, the overcoming of hardships of life––but what about all that’s left? What about the execution?

Bottom line is, because this is a book, everything gets resolved and all is happy and fine at the end. However in real life, coercing others to do things against their will isn’t a glorious idea. Disregarding consent isn’t acceptable. Helping with the stubbornness of a mule isn’t really helping. And last but not least, perpetuating a mindset and a budding relationship like the one presented in this book––for a young audience shouldn’t be okay.

#100daysofsunlight #abbie emmons

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macklives · 4 years

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hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10.

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

#i wanted to catch u all up on this #but ill most likely do a liveblog tmr bc i was bust today unfortunately apart from writing this out #bc this took priority for better understanding where i am rn #maaaannnn #writing wears me out #i love it #but its tiring the fucking bitch #so im in need for deep sleep #wish i could do more smh #welll #goodnight :)

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betterdaysareatoenailaway · 3 years

Text

Random Review #3: Sleepwalkers (1992) and “Sleep Walk” (1959)

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I. Sleepwalkers (1992) I couldn’t sleep last night so I started watching a trashy B-movie penned by Stephen King specifically for the screen called Sleepwalkers (1992). Simply put, the film is an unmitigated disaster. A piece of shit. But it didn’t need to be. That’s what’s so annoying about it. By 1992 King was a grizzled veteran of the silver screen, with more adaptations under his belt than any other author of his cohort. Puzo had the Godfather films (1972 and 1974, respectively), sure, but nothing else. Leonard Gardner had Fat City (1972), a movie I love, but Gardner got sucked into the Hollywood scene of cocaine and hot tub parties and never published another novel, focusing instead on screenplays for shitty TV shows like NYPD Blue. After Demon Seed (1977), a movie I have seen and disliked, nobody would touch Dean Koontz’s stuff with a ten foot pole, which is too bad because The Voice of the Night, a 1980 novel about two young pals, one of whom is a psychopath trying to convince the other to help him commit murder, would make a terrific movie. But Koontz’s adaptations have been uniformly awful. The made-for-TV film starring John C McGinley, 1997′s Intensity, is especially bad. There are exceptions, but Stephen King has been lucky enough to avoid the fate of his peers. Big name directors have tackled his work, from Stanley Kubrick to Brian De Palma. King even does a decent job of acting in Pet Semetary (1989), in his own Maximum Overdrive (1986) and in George Romero’s Creepshow (1982), where he plays a yokel named Jordy Verril who gets infected by a meteorite that causes green weeds to grow all over his body. Many have criticized King’s over-the-top performance in that flick, but for me King perfectly nails the campy and comical tone that Romero was going for. The dissolves in Creepshow literally come right off the pages of comics, so people expecting a subtle Ordinary People-style turn from King had clearly walked into the wrong theatre. Undoubtedly Creepshow succeeds at what it set out to do. I’m not sure Sleepwalkers succeeds though, unless the film’s goal was to get me to like cats even more than I already do. But I already love cats a great deal. Here’s my cat Cookie watching me edit this very blog post.

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And here’s one of my other cats, Church, named after the cat that reanimates and creeps out Louis and Ellie in Pet Sematary. Photo by @ScareAlex.

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SPOILER ALERT: Do not keep reading if you plan on watching Sleepwalkers and want to find out for yourself what happens.

Stephen King saw many of his novels get adapted in the late 1970s and 80s: Carrie, The Shining, Firestarter, Christine, Cujo, and the movie that spawned the 1950s nostalgia industrial complex, Stand By Me, but Sleepwalkers was the first time he wrote a script specifically for the screen rather than adapting a novel that already existed. Maybe that’s why it’s so fucking bad. Stephen King is a novelist, gifted with a novelist’s rich imagination. He’s prone to giving backstories to even the most peripheral characters - think of Joe Chamber’s alcoholic neighbour Gary Pervier in the novel Cujo, who King follows for an unbelievable number of pages as the man stumbles drunkenly around his house spouting his catch phrase “I don’t give a shit,” drills a hole through his phone book so he can hang it from a string beside his phone, complains about his hemorrhoids getting “as big as golfballs” (I’m not joking), and just generally acts like an asshole until a rabid Cujo bounds over, rips his throat out, and he bleeds to death. In the novel Pervier’s death takes more than a few pages, but it makes for fun reading. You hate the man so fucking much that watching him die feels oddly satisfying. In the movie, though, his death occurs pretty quickly, and in a darkened hallway, so it’s hard to see what’s going on aside from Gary’s foot trembling. And Pervier’s “I don’t give a shit” makes sense when he’s drilling a hole in the phone book, not when he’s about to be savagely attacked by a rabid St Bernard. There’s just less room for back story in movies. In a medium that demands pruning and chiseling and the “less is more” dictum, King’s writing takes a marked turn for the worse. King is a prose maximalist, who freely admits to “writing to outrageous lengths” in his novels, listing It, The Stand, and The Tommyknockers as particularly egregious examples of literary logorrhea. He is not especially equipped to write concisely. This weakness is most apparent in Sleepwalkers’ dialogue, which sounds like it was supposed to be snappy and smart, like something Aaron Sorkin would write, but instead comes off like an even worse Tango & Cash, all bad jokes and shitty puns. More on those bad jokes later. First, the plot.

Sleepwalkers is about a boy named Charles and his mother Mary who travel around the United States killing and feeding off the lifeforce of various unfortunate people (if this sounds a little like The True Knot in Doctor Sleep, you’re not wrong. But self-plagiarism is not a crime). Charles and Mary are shapeshifting werewolf-type creatures called werecats, a species with its very own Wikipedia page. Wikipedia confers legitimacy dont’cha know, so lets assume werecats are real beings. According to said page, a werecat, “also written in a hyphenated form as were-cat) is an analogy to ‘werewolf’ for a feline therianthropic creature.” I’m gonna spell it with the hyphen from now on because “werecats” just looks like a typo. Okay? Okay.

Oddly enough, the were-cats in Sleepwalkers are terrified of cats. Actual cats. For the were-cats, cute kittens = kryptonite. When they see a cat or cats plural, this happens to them:

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^ That is literally a scene from the movie. Charles is speeding when a cop pulls alongside him and bellows at him to pull over. Ever the rebel, Charles flips the cop the finger. But the cop has a cat named Clovis in his car, and when the cat pops up to have a look at the kid (see below), Charles shapeshifts first into a younger boy, then into whatever the fuck that is in the above screenshot.

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Now, the were-cats aversion to normal cats is confusing because one would assume a were-cat to be a more evolved (or perhaps devolved?) version of the typical house kitty. The fact that these were-cats are bipedal alone suggests an advantage over our furry four-legged friends, no? Kinda like if humans were afraid of fucking gorillas. Wait...we are scared of gorillas. And chimpanzees. And all apes really. Okay, maybe the conceit of the film isn’t so silly after all. The film itself, however, is about as silly as a bad horror movie can get. When the policeman gets back to precinct and describes the incident above (”his face turned into a blur”) he is roundly ridiculed because in movies involving the supernatural nobody believes in the supernatural until it confronts them. It’s the law, sorry. Things don’t end well for the cop. Or for the guy who gets murdered when the mom stabs him with...an ear of corn. Yes, an ear of corn. Somehow, the mother is able to jam corn on the cob through a man’s body, without crushing the vegetable or turning it into yellow mash. It’s pretty amazing. Here is a sample of dialog from that scene: Cop About To Die On The Phone to Precinct: There’s blood everywhere! *STAB* Murderous Mother: No vegetables, no dessert. That is actually a line in the movie. “No vegetables, no dessert.” It’s no “let off some steam, Bennett” but it’s close. Told ya I’d get back to the bad jokes. See, Mary and Charles are new in town and therefore seeking to ingratiate themselves by killing everyone who suspects them of being weird, all while avoiding cats as best they can. At one point Charles yanks a man’s hand off and tells him to "keep [his] hands to [him]self," giving the man back his severed bloody hand. Later on Charles starts dating a girl who will gradually - and I do mean gradually - come to realize her boyfriend is not a real person but in fact a were-cat. Eventually our spunky young protagonist - Madchen Amick, who fans of Twin Peaks will recognize as Shelly - and a team of cats led by the adorable Clovis- kill the were-cat shapeshifting things and the sleepy small town (which is named Travis for some reason) goes back to normal, albeit with a slightly diminished population. For those keeping score, that’s Human/Cat Alliance 1, Shapeshifting Were-cats 0. It is clear triumph for the felis catus/people team! Unless we’re going by kill count, in which case it is closer to Human/Cat Alliance 2, Were-cats 26. I arrived at this figure through my own notes but also through a helpful video that takes a comprehensive and complete “carnage count” of all kills in Sleepwalkers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmt-DroK6uA

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II. Santo & Johnny “Sleep Walk” (1959) Because Sleepwalkers is decidedly not known for its good acting or its well-written screenplay, it is perhaps best known for its liberal and sometimes contrapuntal use of Santo & Johnny’s classic steel guitar song “Sleep Walk,” possibly the most famous (and therefore best) instrumental of the 20th century. Some might say “Sleep Walk” is tied for the #1 spot with “Green Onions” by Booker T & the M.G.’s and/or “Wipe Out” by The Surfaris, but I disagree. The Santo & Johnny song is #1 because of its incalculable influence on all subsequent popular music.

I’m not saying “Wipe Out” didn't inspire a million imitators, both contemporaneously and even decades later…for example here’s a surf rock instrumental from 1999 called “Giant Cow" by a Toronto band called The Urban Surf Kings. The video was one of the first to be animated using Flash (and it shows):

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So there are no shortage of surf rock bands, even now, decades after its emergence from the shores of California to the jukeboxes of Middle America. My old band Sleep for the Nightlife used to regularly play Rancho Relaxo with a surf rock band called the Dildonics, who I liked a great deal. There's even a Danish surf rock band called Baby Woodrose, whose debut album is a favourite of mine. They apparently compete for the title of Denmark’s biggest surf pop band with a group called The Setting Son. When a country that has no surfing culture and no beaches has multiple surf rock bands, it is safe to say the genre has attained international reach. As far as I can tell, there aren’t many bands out there playing Booker T & the M.G.’s inspired instrumental rock. Link Wray’s “Rumble” was released four years before “Green Onions.” But the influence of Santo and Johnny’s “Sleep Walk” is so ubiquitous as to be almost immeasurable. The reason for this is the sheer popularity of the song’s chord progression. If Santo and Johnny hadn’t written it first, somebody else would have, simply because the progression is so beautiful and easy on the ears and resolvable in a satisfying way. Have a listen to “Sleep Walk” first and then let’s check out some songs it directly inspired.

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The chords are C, A minor, F and G. Minor variations sometimes reverse the last two chords, but if it begins with C to A minor, you can bet it’s following the “Sleep Walk” formula, almost as if musicians influenced by the song are in the titular trance. When it comes to playing guitar, Tom Waits once said “your hands are like dogs, going to the same places they’ve been. You have to be careful when playing is no longer in the mind but in the fingers, going to happy places. You have to break them of their habits or you don’t explore; you only play what is confident and pleasing.” Not only is it comforting to play and/or hear what we already know, studies have shown that our brains actively resist new music, because it takes work to understand the new information and assimilate it into a pattern we are cogent of. It isn’t until the brain recognizes the pattern that it gives us a dopamine rush. I’m not much for Pitchfork anymore, but a recent article they posted does a fine job of discussing this phenomenon in greater detail.

Led Zeppelin’s “D’Yer Maker” uses the “Sleep Walk” riff prominently, anchored by John Bonham and John Paul Jones’ white-boy reggae beat:

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Here it is again with Del Shannon’s classic “Little Town Flirt.” I love Shannon’s falsetto at the end when he goes “you better run and hide now bo-o-oy.”

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The Beatles “Happiness is a Warm Gun” uses the Sleep Walk progression, though not for the whole song. It goes into the progression at the bridge at 1:34:

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Tumblr won’t let me embed any more videos, so you’ll to travel to another tab to hear these songs, but Neil Young gets in on the act with his overlooked classic “Winterlong:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV6r66n3TFI On their 1996 EP Interstate 8 Modest Mouse pay direct homage by singing over their own rendition of the original Santo & Johnny version, right down to the weeping steel guitar part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT_PwXjCqqs The vocals are typical wispy whispered indie rock vocals, but I think they work, particularly the two different voices. They titled their version “Sleepwalking (Couples Only Dance Prom Night).”

Dwight Yoakam’s “Thousand Miles From Nowhere” makes cinematic use of it. This song plays over the credits of one of my all-time favourite movies, 1993′s Red Rock West feat. Nicolas Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper, and J.T. Walsh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu3ypuKq8WE

“39″ is my favourite Queen song. I guess now I know why. It uses my fav chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE8kGMfXaFU

Blink 182 scored their first hit “Dammit” with a minor variation on the Sleep Walk chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT0g16_LQaQ

Midwest beer drinkin bar rockers Connections scored a shoulda-been-a-hit with the fist-pumping “Beat the Sky:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSNRq0n_WYA You’d be hard pressed to find a weaker lead singer than this guy (save for me, natch), but they make it work. This one’s an anthem.

Spoon, who have made a career out of deconstructing rock n’ roll, so that their songs sometimes sound needlessly sparse (especially “The Ghost of You Lingers,” which takes minimalism to its most extreme...just a piano being bashed on staccato-style for four minutes), so it should surprise nobody that they re-arrange the Sleep Walk chords on their classic from Gimme Fiction, “I Summon You:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teXA8N3aF9M I love that opening line: remember the weight of the world was a sound that we used to buy? I think songwriter Britt Daniel is talking about buying albums from the likes of Pearl Jam or Smashing Pumpkins, any of those grunge bands with pessimistic worldviews. There are a million more examples. I remember seeing some YouTube video where a trio of gross douchebros keep playing the same progression while singing a bunch of hits over it. I don’t like the smarmy way they do it, making it seem like artists are lazy and deliberately stealing. I don’t think it’s plagiarism to use this progression. And furthermore, tempo and production make all the difference. Take “This Magic Moment” for example. There's a version by Jay & the Americans and one by Ben E King & the Drifters. I’ve never been a fan of those shrieking violins or fiddles that open the latter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bacBKKgc4Uo The Jay & the Americans version puts the guitar riff way in the forefront, which I like a lot more. The guitar plays the entire progression once before the singing starts and the band joins in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKfASw6qoag

Each version has its own distinctive feel. They are pretty much two different songs. Perhaps the most famous use of the Sleep Walk progression is “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, which is one of my favourite songs ever. The guy who chose to let Bobby Hatfield sing this one by himself must have kicked himself afterwards when it became a hit, much bigger than "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0

What can you say about “Unchained Melody” that hasn’t already been said? God, that miraculously strong vocal, the way the strings (and later on, brass horns) are panned way over to the furthest reaches the left speaker while the drums and guitar are way over in the right, with the singing smack dab in the middle creates a kind of distance and sharp clarity that has never been reproduced in popular music, like seeing the skyscrapers of some distant city after an endless stretch of highway. After listening to “Unchained Melody,” one has to wonder: can that progression ever be improved upon? Can any artist write something more haunting, more beautiful, more uplifting than that? The “need your love” crescendo hits so fucking hard, as both the emotional and the sonic climax of the song, which of course is no accident...the strings descending and crashing like a waterfall of sound, it gets me every fucking time. Legend has it that King George II was so moved by the “Hallelujah” section of Handel’s “Messiah” that he stood up, he couldn't help himself, couldn't believe what he was hearing. I get that feeling with all my favourite songs. "1979." "Unchained Melody." "In The Still of the Night." "Digital Bath." "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" "Interstate." "Liar's Tale." “Gimme Shelter.” The list goes on and on. Music is supposed to move us.

King George II stood because he was moved to do so. Music may be our creation, but it isn't our subordinate. All those sci-fi stories warning about technology growing beyond our control aren’t that far-fetched. Music is our creation but its power lies beyond our control. We are subordinate to music, helpless against its power and might, its urgency and vitality and beauty. There have been many times in my life when I have been so obsessed with a particular song that I pretty much want to live inside of it forever. A house of sound. I remember detoxing from heroin and listening to Grimes “Realiti” on repeat for twelve hours. Detoxing from OxyContin and listening to The Beach Boys “Dont Worry Baby” over and over. Or just being young and listening to “Tonight Tonight” over and over and over, tears streaming from my eyes in that way you cry when you’re a kid because you just feel so much and you don’t know what to do with the intensity of those feelings. It is precisely because we are so moved by music that we keep creating it. And in the act of that creation we are free. There are no limits to that freedom, which is why bands time and time again return to the well-worn Sleep Walk chord progression and try to make something new from it. Back in 2006, soon after buying what was then the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, I found myself playing the album’s closing track over and over. I loved the chorus and I loved the way it collapses into a lo-fi demo at the very end, stripping away the studio sheen and...not to be too punny, showing its bones (the album title is Show Your Bones). Later on I would realize that the song, called “Turn Into,” uses the Sleep Walk chord progression. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exqCFoPiwpk

It’s just like, what Waits said, our hands goes to where we are familiar. And so do our ears, which is why jazz often sounds so unpleasant to us upon first listen. Or Captain Beefheart. But it’s worth the effort to discover new stuff, just as it’s worth the effort to try and write it. I recently lamented on this blog that music to me now is more about remembrance than discovery, but I’m still only 35 years old. I’m middle-aged right now (I don’t expect to live past 70, not with the lifestyle I’ve been living). There’s still a whole other half life to find new music and love and leave it for still newer stuff. It’s worth the challenge, that moment of inner resistance we feel when confronted with something new and challenging and strange sounding. The austere demands of adult life, rent and routine, take so much of our time. I still make time for creative pursuits, but I don’t really have much time for discovery, for seeking out new music. But I’ve resolved to start making more time. A few years ago I tried to listen to and like Trout Mask Replica but I couldn’t. I just didn’t get what was going on. It sounded like a bunch of mistakes piled on top of each other. But then a few days ago I was writing while listening to music, as I always do, and YouTube somehow landed on Lick My Decals Off, Baby. I didn’t love what I was hearing but I was intrigued enough to keep going. And now I really like this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMnd9dvb3sA&pbjreload=101 Another example I’ll give is the rare Robert Pollard gem “Prom Is Coming.” The first time I heard this song, it sounded like someone who can’t play guitar messing around, but the more I heard it the more I realized there’s a song there. It’s weird and strange, but it’s there. The lyrics are classic Pollard: Disregard injury and race madly out of the universe by sundown. Pollard obviously has a special place in his heart for this track. He named one of his many record labels Prom Is Coming Records and he titled the Boston Spaceships best-of collection Out of the Universe By Sundown. I don’t know if I’ll ever become a Captain Beefheart megafan but I can hear that the man was doing something very strange and, at times, beautiful. And anyway, why should everything be easy? Aren’t some challenges worth meeting for the experience waiting on the other side of comprehension or acceptance? I try to remember this now whenever I’m first confronted with new music, instead of vetoing it right away. Most of my favourite bands I was initially resistant to when I first heard them. Queens of the Stone Age, Kyuss, Guided by Voices, Spoon, Heavy Times. All bands I didn’t like at first. I don’t wanna sleepwalk through life, surrounding myself only with things I have already experienced. I need to stay awake. Because soon enough I’ll be asleep forever. We need to try everything we can before the Big Sleep comes to take us back to the great blankness, the terrible question mark that bookends our lives.

#sleep walk #santo & johnny #neil young #queen #dwight yoakam #led zeppelin #the beatles #betterdaysareatoenailaway

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lilxmcrtes · 3 years

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My URL, The URL Meme

Send Me A URL and I’ll Respond With My Opinions... | @thornstocutyouwith | Mun

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why

Gosh dang it. You’re really gonna make me pick? Alright... for now I’m gonna go with Lief because he’s a Good Boy (tm). So sweet and caring to Oliver. Their relationship is so nice when Lief isn’t bringing / cooking wild animals in his home x’D Also I just enjoy his view on things. So simple, and amusing at times

My favorite interaction/thread of theirs

Again. Pick?! Hm... That food fight in the IMs was pretty funny x3 Aeron and Jace making play bites their Thing (tm) was also good. Or that thing with them as kids playing with dino toys together. It wasn’t a thread but it was so freaking cute

My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s)

CONTENT. ALL THE C O N T E N T!!!!!

Anyone that gets to see such content should feel blessed. You have SO MANY muses and they’re all so unique and real. Also seriously love how they connect in this relationship web that I’ve only seen part of

My thoughts on their writing style as a whole

Good shit bro. Sometimes a little overwhelming but good

Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in

ALL OF THEM??!?! But to be more specific, H.unger G.ames or T.he G.ood P.lace plot would be cool. Ooo A.merican H.orror S.tory? C.oven or A.pocolypse? Omg humor me with a C.ells At W.ork AU. ( Eira and Tancred can be the white and red blood cell!!! ) Or another anime, P.arasyte? U.mbrella A.cademy?! D.etective P.ikachu / P.okemon?!?! All the plots Thorn.

Someone else I love seeing them interact with

I honestly don’t read a lot of threads n stuff outside of what I’m doing. Sometimes things will catch my eye but otherwise... heh... I do be seein u with ofwondersandhares a lot tho. So there’s that?

Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying

I really don’t get why people don’t write with you more. There’s a lot of opportunity right there for people. :/

And did I mention content?! You know so much about your muses. I aspire to be that in tune with these guys one day

If We Know Each Other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities

Honesty. I mean sometimes it can be pretty blunt but I don’t really have to be guessing what you might not be saying. I figure if you have a problem with me you’ll tell me. Which is kinda relieving to me. Helps when I overthink.

Also ridiculously imaginative. I mean do I really need to elaborate on this one?

What I Think Are Their Strengths

Besides the answer to the above question, you don’t take things to heart too much, which I admire since I do that all the time. It’s great you can brush things off and move on to other good things without getting too caught up in being upset

A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours

First game night. Absolutely one of the best nights I’ve ever had. Hilarious. Can’t wait to do it again. The fact that we named the killer Asher was AMAZING

Why Others Should RP With Them

Hello if it’s not clear from what I’ve been saying then idk how to help you. The sheer vastness of content for all the rp you could ever want is right there man. So much opportunity! All the little details and plots too!! Bonus, you get a friend that will give you head pats- no, wait. those are mine. But still, good fren! *pats their head* A lot of friENDSHIP can fit in here

How Others Should Approach Them

You could toss them some memes. Pretty sure they crave them lol ( Not like they don’t post about it ). And as a multi I am well aware of the specifying muse deal but I don’t think they mind so much that they won’t answer. You’ll just get whatever they roll lol BUT definitely specify muse if you can bc like I said, as a multi, it’s just better that way especially with the number of muses they have. OR you could do the big brain move and IM them “Hey I wanna write with you but I have no idea where to start with your muses. Do you have a preference?” and you guys can talk about who would mesh well together and then you can send memes or write a starter or even get a starter! Pretty sure it’s the same for anyone.

Funny note on that one tho. I think they approached me ooc by just sending my a post in IMs. I don’t even remember what it was or why they sent it. I was wildly confused but ya know. Gotta start somewhere lol Point is, you’ll be fine approaching them however you do. Just don’t ghost.

Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them

You could write with the Teares’ siblings ( in the verse where they are related at least. Haven’t talked about if that’ll be a main thing or not ), baby sis @the-wonderland-jinx and Aeron’s twin @faultycode. The other muses on there are also great.

@klavz is a great Klaus imo. The dialogue is so on point. Like I could actually hear Klaus saying those things. Whether you feel the same is up to you but... definitely give ‘em a chance.

There are others but it’s more of a general ‘I like them’ rather than having specific reasons you’d mesh well with / be interested in them.

Anything else I want to say about them

I think I’ve said quite a lot already lol Anything more is pretty much a repeat

I like writing with them. I like talking to them. I think they’re pretty cool and I think other people ought to check them out. A summary by me

If We Have/Plan To Interact Together

A plot I’d like to write with them

Ooo. Um. I know a lot of plots probably got lost bc I’ll come up with an idea and then get distracted with something else. But if I remember any of those definitely lol Also now that I’m on a fresh new blog I will heckin put that shit in a post so I don’t lose it.

That thing where Aeron drops into Wonderland and runs into Soulless!Asher is still in my drafts if you still want that to be a thing. So not all things were lost! lol

But getting back to the question, outside of those sort of things, and being more specific than just everything... T.he G.ood P.lace plot seems good. Pretending these people got into ‘heaven’ when they’re actually in a special hell that tortures them psychologically by picking a set of people that would eternally torture each other bc their personalities and behaviors clash perfectly. Asher ( or all your deadly sin demons really ) would definitely get a kick out of that I bet. Especially on Aeron. Ooo and Oliver.

A muse I want to introduce to them

Max. He’s a muse that’s gonna be on my other multi. He’s a soft boi like Oliver but not as fragile. Very friendly, and actually not human! He’s a changeling that ended up being raised human. Still working on him but I feel like he is basically the peak of my creativity lmao

A ship/broship I’d like to propose to them

I mean I know we mentioned it but Post!Oliver and Tancred would be cool. And I say Post! bc I’m pretty sure Tancred would stay the heck away from him otherwise lol

Also! Lorelei should meet Killian sometime. I’ve never really figured out her and Oliver’s relationship soo... It’s bound to be interesting whatever I do on the fly lol

A thread with them I’m excited about

Every time I see you in my notifications I get excited. But I suppose I am pretty excited for that band ask to turn into a thread 👀

Anything else I want to say

At this point, you might as well follow them if you follow me. Spice up your dash with whatever they’re into for the moment. Find new interests. Learn how to develop your muse

Please read that with the same energy as ‘fuck around and find out’

#long post tw #( look at all this love!! so much effort was put into this )#☆ 》 answered #thornstocutyouwith #☆ out of compassion 》 ooc ☆

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calpalirwin · 4 years

Text

Phone Screens

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Summary: Online relationships don’t make the feelings any less real

A/N: Wanted to try my hand at a dialogue heavy piece. Let me know how I did.

Content: Friends to lovers? I dunno.

Word Count: 3.3k

And away, and away we go!

__

drumming_heartbeats: Hey…

jetblackrose: Hi!

drumming_heartbeats: Saw your post about how you met Ashton. That musta been cool, yeah?

jetblackrose: Oh, it was hella cool! I was like super fuckin nervous and he was so chill about it. Honestly probably shouldn’t have fangirled as hard as I did lol.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why do you say that?

jetblackrose: I’ve only been a fan for like less than a year lol. I know people have been a fan for years and still haven’t gotten the chance to meet him, or any of the other members so yeah. Feel like I haven’t done my time yet or something. It’s stupid.

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not stupid. That’s actually really cool. Your picture with him is fucking adorable btw.

jetblackrose: Aw thanks, lovely! How’d you become a 5sos fan? Assuming you are one?

drumming_heartbeats: Lol! My friend got me into them. But yeah, been a fan for awhile. I’m Tom btw.

jetblackrose: Ooo a boy fan! Sick! Nice to meet ya Tom. I’m Gen.

drumming_heartbeats: Shocking I know, but us guy fans do exist, lol. So I take it from the looks of your blog Ash is your favorite?

jetblackrose: I mean… I love them all equally for different reasons. But yeah, Ash is my fav. Something about that cheeky lil grin he does. And he’s so… I dunno, more mindful than the rest? Like they’re all dorks, don’t get me wrong. But he also gives off an old soul vibe I really connect with too if that makes sense.

jetblackrose: Lol, sorry for rambling.

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, it’s cute. And I totally get it. He definitely does seem to have that wisdom that comes from going through some heavy shit.

jetblackrose: Rightfully so. I mean, he seems pretty open about the shit he’s gone through. And the fact that it’s only seemed to make him a kinder person is part of why I love him so much.

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah. Like it’s very easy to let the demons win and give into the bitterness of it all. But he seems like a happy dude, so good for him.

jetblackrose: Good for him indeed! Like all I want in life is for that man to be happy. Like, we all deserve that, but him especially. God, that sounds dumb doesn’t it? That I can feel so attached to someone I maybe talked to for like 5 minutes. Like I know realistically he will probably never recall our encounter or think twice about it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish him happiness all the same I suppose. Sorry… rambling again.

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not dumb at all. If anything I think it shows how caring of a person you are. Which the world could use a lot more of.

jetblackrose: Lol, thanks! You’re sweet to think that. But it’s definitely dumb lol.

drumming_heartbeats: Not even the slightest. Fuck, I’m about to pass out. Talk later?

jetblackrose: You know where to find me. Night-o!

~~~

jetblackrose: Hey, Tom?

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah?

jetblackrose: Probably a dumb question but where do you live? I feel like I keep you up hella late.

drumming_heartbeats: I live in LA.

jetblackrose: Shit, no way?!

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, lol. I mean, I travel a lot for work but yeah. LA’s home.

jetblackrose: Oh that’s awesome! Are you traveling now?

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, I’m home for the time being. Resting up. Gonna be a busy year.

jetblackrose: Yeah? Hopefully good busy.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, yeah. It’s always good busy. Hey, did you see the new stuff 5sos put up?

jetblackrose: Yes! Holy shit! Are they TRYING to kill their fans or what?!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao right? Like fuck, bruh…

jetblackrose: More like fuck me please, lmao! Quick question! And you don’t have to answer if this is way too personal. But are you gay?

drumming_heartbeats: No? I mean, I don’t have a fragile male ego. I can freely admit that men are handsome. But I’m not like… I dunno. If anything I’d probably say I’m bi. I just… labels are confusing.

jetblackrose: Yeah, I feel you on that. Like I just love who I love. I don’t feel the need to explain it much beyond that.

drumming_heartbeats: Exactly! I mean, but I’ve only ever had female partners so… the assumption is straight I suppose.

jetblackrose: I’ve only had male partners. Well, I’ve kissed girls. But I’ve only ever dated dudes.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, I bet your bf loves that, huh?

jetblackrose: I wouldn’t know. I frequently had my attraction to women from the dudes I date so I don’t get the creeps.

drumming_heartbeats: So no bf…?

jetblackrose: Lol, that’s what you get out of that? You’re such a dude! But nope. No bf.

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, that sucks.

jetblackrose: Why do you have a gf?

drumming_heartbeats: No. I did. But we broke up like a few months ago.

jetblackrose: Aw, sorry to hear that.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, I think you’re the first person to say that. Normally people are sorry to hear I’m IN a relationship, not out of one.

jetblackrose: Wtf? That’s so dumb, lol. You’re my friend, Tom. I want you to be happy.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, I’m your friend?

jetblackrose: Yes…? I mean, we’ve talked all day every day for like what? A month? I swear I talk more with you than my real life friends lol.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, that’s so cute! You’re my friend too, btw. If that wasn’t obvious. I really like talking with you.

jetblackrose: I really like talking with you too! Like, I know it’s probably really stupid to say, but I never really got how people can become friends online. Like how can you feel connected to someone you never actually met, you know? But talking with you, I get it. I’m glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, Gen baby, you’re gonna make me blush! That’s so fuckin’ cute. I’m glad I messaged you too. You feel more real to me than the friends I actually see lol.

jetblackrose: Looks like we’re both gonna make the other blush… Dude! Honestly, I think it’s because we can only talk. Like, we can’t actually see each other, so we have to rely on these messages. And it’s a lot easier for me to not be shy when I message someone. Because I can delete what sounds stupid!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao! Nothing you say could ever be stupid.

jetblackrose: You say that now… Trust me though, in person I’m a fuckin nervous idiot. Like I talk too fast or not at all.

drumming_heartbeats: I bet you’re fuckin cute in person.

jetblackrose: Lmao, are you hitting on me?

drumming_heartbeats: Too much?

jetblackrose: Nah, lol. I don’t scare easy. I just bet you’re way cuter.

drumming_heartbeats: Not even! Have you SEEN your face?

jetblackrose: You mean this face? *picture*

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, baby!

jetblackrose: Fuck… is it really dumb of me to like you calling me “baby” so much?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean… I don’t think so? Like, I would hope it doesn’t bother you.

jetblackrose: No, it doesn’t bother me. I like it.

drumming_heartbeats: Cool! Cuz I like calling you that.

~~~

drumming_heartbeats: Is this your king? *picture*

jetblackrose: My brain literally went “oh daddy”... I DON”T EVEN HAVE A DADDY KINK! Ashton Irwin is going to be the death of me, watch. On my tombstone it’ll read “Gen. Killed by Ash’s hotness”

drumming_heartbeats: Omg lol!

jetblackrose: Too dramatic?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean…? Maybe?

jetblackrose: Maybe? Nah. What would be dramatic would be me saying how badly I want those arms of his wrapped around me. Like cuddling me. Choking me. I don’t even care. But those hands? I needs them on me!

drumming_heartbeats: You’re right. That would be dramatic lol.

jetblackrose: Like fuck… I bet those are the most restless set of hands. Like he’s a drummer. So like he’s probably constantly moving his fingers. Is it too much to ask that he moves those fingers across my skin? Like… bruh…

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, I love you dude.

jetblackrose: You what…?

drumming_heartbeats: Shit… I mean like… uh…

jetblackrose: Tom, relax. I love you too.

drumming_heartbeats: Shit, for real?

jetblackrose: Yeah. And… that kinda scares me? Like I don’t actually know you. I mean, I know you. We’ve talked every day for the past 3 months. But… I didn’t think I could ever feel this strongly for someone I’ve never physically met. Like, granted, it’s a very strong friendship love. But, I… I dunno if I should admit this… fuck it. I think I could actually love you. Like in a romantic way. Hell, I think I already do.

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, you’re the fuckin cutest!

jetblackrose: I promise I’m not lol. I just… fuck dude, I dunno. I just love you, alright? And it fuckin blows my mind that we live in the same area basically and haven’t met. Because I really wanna fuckin meet you. But also not. Cuz like I don’t want to ruin this. And that’s such a fuckin cop out response. But like I am genuinely terrified that if we met you won’t like what you see.

drumming_heartbeats: Why wouldn’t I like what I see?

jetblackrose: Because I can send you a message without stuttering like a damn fool. I can stare at my phone until I find the perfect way to phrase things. I can’t do that in person. In person I’ll probably just stare blankly at you and make weird sounds.

drumming_heartbeats: I would still love you, Gen. I’m not much better. I’m probably worse lmao.

jetblackrose: You’re sweet to say that. But I’m a very what you see if what you get type. I’m either hyper, loud, and obnoxious or I’m closed off and shy. I fluctuate from wanting to go on all the adventures to wanting to stay curled up in bed all day. It’s why I end up with failed relationships. No one can handle the wild mood swings. Which is fine. I get it. It sucks. But I get wanting a partner who can navigate middle ground.

drumming_heartbeats: Well all those guys are idiots because that sounds fuckin perfect to me. Like I’m a busy guy. And as much as I’m down for adventures, I’m also down to just do fuckin nothing. Like just being with the girl is good enough, you get me? An adventure can be as easy as building a fort and watching movies all day.

jetblackrose: YES! Like fuck, that’s all I want. Someone who gets it. Someone like you.

drumming_heartbeats: Good thing you have me then.

jetblackrose: Good fuckin thing indeed! God, I’m so glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Me too.

~~~

jetblackrose: Fuck, I’m so stressed!

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, what’s wrong baby?

jetblackrose: Just lack of motivation. Like I need a mental health day. Only there’s too much to do that I can’t actually do that. Like if I could pause time, that’d be fuckin great.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, sorry baby.

jetblackrose: It’s my own dumb fault. I know I have to get stuff done and I just… feel so uninspired I guess? Like I don’t want to do work. I want to do things that bring me joy.

drumming_heartbeats: Like Ashton lmao?

jetblackrose: Haha, very funny. But yes. And no. Like fuck I just wanna talk with you all day and bingewatch tv shows.

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, I get that. But you’ll get through this. You’re strong. Love you, baby.

jetblackrose: Aw! I love you too, baby! Fuck, I can’t wait for my vacation in a few weeks.

drumming_heartbeats: Going anywhere or just like a good chunk of time off from responsibilities?

jetblackrose: Just a good chunk of time off. If I go anywhere it’ll probably just be around here. See some friends. Maybe go to the beach to get some use of the new swimsuit I bought.

drumming_heartbeats: I’m your friend. Can you see me?

jetblackrose: You wanna see me? You want to experience all this awkward in real time? Are you feeling okay?

drumming_heartbeats: I’m serious lol. Why not? We’ve been friends for how long now?

jetblackrose: Like 6 months? Holy shit.

drumming_heartbeats: So is that a yes? Can we meet?

jetblackrose: I thought you’re traveling for work?

drumming_heartbeats: My job is sending me off in spurts lol. Like I’m actually coming home this week. And then I’ll be home for like a month.

jetblackrose: And you want to see me on your time off?

drumming_heartbeats: Why not? Don’t you want to meet me?

jetblackrose: Of course I want to meet you Tom! I love you, you goof. But I’m nervous.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why?

jetblackrose: Because I love you this much with having never seen your face or heard your voice. I don’t want to see you and then have to say goodbye. If I get the chance to actually be in your arms, I’m not gonna want to leave.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, good. Cuz I don’t think I’ll let you go.

jetblackrose: Okay, seriously, I could not love you more. Like are you trying to make me a flustered idiot?

drumming_heartbeats: Is it working lol?

jetblackrose: Yes! Okay, can I ask you a question?

drumming_heartbeats: You can ask me anything.

jetblackrose: Would… fuck I dunno why I’m so nervous asking you this… It’s no secret that we clearly care for each other. It’s also no secret that we love each other. But… is this all in my head? Am I confessing all these feelings and you don’t actually feel the same way in return?

drumming_heartbeats: Gen, baby, I’m serious. I… I want to meet you because I think we can be more than this. More than what we are here through these messages. Not that I don’t love our conversations. Not that I don’t want to stop having them. Because I love talking with you. I wouldn’t trade this relationship we’ve built for anything. But I want to keep building it. And I want to meet you to do that. If you don’t want the same, that’s fine. But that’s where I’m at.

jetblackrose: No. I want to meet you too. I’m just scared.

drumming_heartbeats: Don’t be scared. I love you, Gen.

jetblackrose: I love you too, Tom.

~~~

Gen sat in her car, frowning. Seven months of talking and she was finally about to see Tom. They had agreed on going to the beach as they both felt relaxed by water. But she was nervous all the same. Not only was she seeing her best online friend she had admitted to having a massive crush on, he was also going to see a lot of her skin, as she couldn’t exactly hide under jeans and hoodies at the beach. Not that she wanted to hide from Tom. She was just scared. She flipped down the visor and checked herself over in the small mirror. Then, she took a deep breath to steady herself and got out of the car.

She walked along the pier, the ocean breeze stirring her hair and bringing forth a calm steadiness within her. She leaned her arms on the wooden banister and waited. Her nerves had caused her to arrive a half hour early.

The water swirling around beneath her was hypnotizing. She wasn’t aware of time passing until a voice was calling out, “Gen?” followed by a small tap on her shoulder.

She turned, a smile on her face, nervous flutters in her stomach. As her eyes scanned up at her friend, her mouth dropped open.

The man giggled, a dimple indenting his cheek. “Surprise?”

Her eyes flashed behind her sunglasses and then her hands were shoving his chest. “YOU LIAR!” she shouted at him, her voice shrill.

“Whoa,” he said, grabbing her hands as she continued to push him. “Hey, I didn’t lie!”

“Yes you did! You said your name was Tom!” She ripped her hands out of his grasp, her skin lighting up in memorization at his touch.

“Clever, eh?” he smirked.

“Clever?! Lying to me was clever?!”

“I didn’t lie!”

“You lied about who you were, Tom! What else did you lie about?!”

“Just my name. I promise. And you don’t have to keep calling me Tom.”

Her voice shot down to a barely audible whisper as she told him in a horrified tone, “If I don’t call you Tom, then this becomes real. Really real. And then I’m the lunatic who just shoved my favorite drummer from my favorite band while screaming that he was a liar. And… STOP SMIRKING, ASHTON!”

Ashton held up his hands defensively and took a step backwards. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry, okay?”

“Sorry about what? Sorry you lied to me? Or sorry I’m mad about it?”

“Sorry you’re mad about it. I had to lie.”

“No. No, you really didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Do you see how you’re acting right now?! This is why I lied! Can you imagine if we had done this over messages?”

“I wouldn’t have believed you.”

“Exactly.”

“Your friend got you into 5sos… fucking… UGH!”

“Yeah, that was pretty clever wasn’t it?”

“I cannot FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!”

“Well, will you let me explain then?”

“Please. Wordsmith your way outta this one. Be my guest.”

“Okay,” he huffed, pushing his back hair out of his face. “I liked you the night of the party. When we actually met.”

“Oh, my God… my life is a fan fic…” Gen interrupted, eyes wide as her brain played catch up, still not believing this was actually real.

“I have to be careful, okay. It’s not that I wanted to lie to you about who I was. Not that I was. Everything I told you was real. My feelings are real.”

“Jesus, I said so many fuckin’ things to you. So. Many! I said you gave me a daddy kink! I said I wanted you to choke me! I said those things to someone I thought was a friend!”

“I am your friend!”

“No! You’re ASHTON FUCKIN’ IRWIN! And I’m… Gen,” she admitted, sadly. “I’m right where I was seven months ago. Meeting my idol and trying not to read too much into it. Only it’s worse. Because you’re aware of things I never would have told you had I known you were actually you. Please excuse me while I go die in a hole. Matter of fact, I’m just…” She walked towards the edge of the pier, placing her hands on the banister and pretended to lift herself up.

“Stop that,” Ashton scolded with a chuckle, pulling her off the railing and into his arms.

She froze, her body going rigid. “Let go of me.”

“No. I said if I got you in my arms I wouldn’t let go. And you said you wouldn’t want to leave. Now who’s the liar?”

“It’s still you by a fuckin’ mile!”

He let go but only to spin her around before his hands were gripping her shoulders. “I’m sorry if I upset you by keeping my identity a secret. I get if that changes things for you. But it doesn’t for me. I still feel the same way I felt towards you today that I did yesterday. And I’ll still feel the same way about you tomorrow and for the rest of my life.”

“Y-you do?” she asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

“Yes. Maybe I went about this the wrong way. Maybe I should’ve asked for your number that night instead of waiting for the picture of us to surface so I could find you that way. Maybe I shouldn’t have hidden my identity. But I did what I thought was best. I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like putting myself out there. So I protected myself the best way I knew how. You still got the real me, though.”

She stared up at him. As much as she wanted to be mad at him, she couldn’t. He was still her online best friend, and she was still in love with him.

“Look,” he kept talking. “Maybe we walk off this pier and never speak again. Or, maybe you trust me and yourself. Maybe we make it. Maybe we don’t. But either way, neither one of us is walking off this pier the same person we were before.”

__

Tag List

@goeatsomelife @flameraine @cashtonasff5sos @here-for-the-uproars @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @baldcalum @sparkling-chaos @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short

#phone screens #ugh thats such a shit title...#this is shit...#ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #5sos #galcal irwin

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 years

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Insubordination

Summary: After the events of Civil War, Steve and his team are stuck in their compound. Following a mission, you disagree with your stalwart leader but he does not take kindly to your defiance.

Warnings: dub/non-con and explicit sex (penetration, oral, and some toy play). Obviously 18+ (like this whole blog)

Note: Thanks to everyone who reads this and the anon who requested it. I hope it meets your expectations. I am excited, this is my first dark!one shot and featuring our very own Steverino Rogers.

Side note: If anyone’s interested, I’m doing a raffle on my tumblr for five lucky readers for fics of their own. The contest can be found here: https://darkficsyouneveraskedfor.tumblr.com/post/184037591549/a-celebration

I’d love any comments and feedback. It means a lot and helps me out as a writer to know people are reading and even enjoying what I’m putting out. (Also, I had fun with this so I might even consider a sequel). So, here ya go! Some dark!Steve for y’all.

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Steve had been silent since your return, even on the jet he had sat stewing in anger, you and Nat bracing yourselves for the storm. His broad shoulders were stiff, his back to you in his seat as his posture foretold his temperament. He still hadn't dropped the attitude, leading you and Nat through the halls into the briefing room, waiting for you to enter before slamming the door. You stood in the briefing room, arms crossed, hip cocked, jaw clenched. You stood waiting for him, arms crossed, hip cocked, jaw clenched. He huffed, walking around to the head of the long table, pacing as if you weren't there. And so you prepared for his wrath, your own irritation rising.

Finally he stopped. He twisted sharply to face you and Nat, smacking his palms down on the table. As of late, this behaviour was not unusual. You were growing used to the sudden flip of the coin. Before, Steve had ever been the golden saviour but since your exile he had grown sullen; resentful of those who had chased him out. You and the rest of the team were the only targets he had to take his ire out on but you had faced worse. You had learned long ago to steel yourself against angry men.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he jabbed his finger in the air towards you, “I gave you an order!”

“A stupid one,” you snapped, “If I had listened to you, I’d have a broken leg right now or worse. And that civilian would be dead.”

He snarled. “This isn't a dialogue. I am your captain and you listen when I tell you to do something.”

“Not if it could mean my life. Or another's.” You shook your head and dropped your arms, hands settling on your hips, “Your the one who taught me to follow my gut.”

“I also tried to teach you common sense,” he rebuked, “But some things you just can't learn.”

“Steve,” Nat's dusky voice cut through the tension, “She's right. She had to do it. You cant expect her to just throw herself towards certain death.”

“And you,” he turned on Nat, “You always have to encourage her. The two of you are stubborn as hell. This is a team and we need to work together if we're going to make it. Understood?” Nat sighed but didn't respond. She had taken to keeping silent against the jaded super soldier. They all had.

“You mean we have to jump when you say so,” you scoffed, “How high, Captain?”

He pushed himself from the table, a scowl tightening his lips. He tilted his head slightly as he narrowed his eyes, mulling over your remark. He marched around the table and towards you, his chest rising as he planted himself in front of you. Your head barely reached his shoulders but you returned his glare in kind.

You saw the tic in his jaw, the one that appeared when he was most agitated. Your heart sped up but you kept your veneer. “Fine, next time you can stay home.”

“Are you--are you suspending me?” Your mouth fell open. Missions were the only thing that kept you sane these days. You were going stir crazy in the compound and your occasional sojourns outside were all you had to look forward to.

“We can call it that,” his voice was dangerous. You heard the leather of his gloves strain as his hands turned to a fist. “You're recklessness is too risky. You put the whole team in danger.”

“You put the team in danger. Your arrogance, your stubbornness.” You retorted, your brow drawn together in your anger. You were sure you looked like a wild animal. “Sometimes I think that you were compensating for something with that shield of yours because ever since you gave it up, you've been a complete jackass!”

Steve's blue eyes dilated. You could sense the struggle within to restrain himself. Nat’s hand rested on his arm and the sudden reminder of her presence jolted you. “You both need to cool down,” she warned, “We shouldn't be fighting each other.”

Steve stared down at you, his bottom lip bulged as he ran his tongue along his teeth. He slowly raised his open hands and backed away. “This isn't a fight. It's an order.” He raised a brow at you sharply, “Got it?”

“Whatever,” you turned away from him as Nat came between you and he slowly retreated, the door swinging open harshly as he left you.

“You shouldn't egg him on like that,” Nat said, leaning against the table. “It's better to just let him go off.”

“Jesus Christ, you guys treat him like a spoiled child. You're just going to let him keep on like that?” You grumbled, “I mean, I thought this was a two-way street. All of us gave up our lives for this man so he could save his best friend and what do we get? Treated like fucking scum. We're supposed to be allies not enemies.” You shook your head, “It's not like we can go back now. Everything we had is gone.”

“He'll get over this,” Nat touched your shoulder gently, “He's not mad at us. He's mad at the world. At himself.”

“No, he's not himself,” you countered pulling away from her, “He's not the same man he was… he's too far gone.”

----------

Steve hadn't been this angry in a long time. True, as of late he was easily riled, irritable even, but his blood was boiling. He tramped through the halls, the grime and blood of his mission still on his dark gear, huffing and puffing. He thought of Y/N staring up at him defiantly. She was barely tall enough to see past his chest and yet she had not wavered. She shouldn't be so obstinate. She should take his orders and thank him for even allowing her on his team. She was a valuable asset, sure, but it wasn't like he had no others. Her only talent was that she never knew when to stay down. It was why he had first taken to her, helped her refine her combat technique, vouched for her to Tony.

But he wasn't Stark's dog anymore. He was no longer in constant limbo with the man, arguing semantics. He was past those days and they all needed to accept that. He was in charge now and no one, not the government, not Stark, not even his team, could tell him no.

Upon reaching his room, he couldn't help but slam the door. He shouldn't care so much, he told himself as he peeled of his gloves. He undid the harness around his shoulders then his belt, he tossed the leather in a pile on the chair. He sat at the edge of the bed and pulled off his boots, growling as he thought of her. The spite that sparkled in her eyes, the challenge which set her jaw. God, he just wanted to hold her down and teach her a lesson. That's what she really needed, he thought as he pulled his heavy shirt over his head. She needed discipline. To learn to take orders. That pretty little mouth of hers needed to be silenced.

Steve inhaled deeply as he felt himself harden. His thoughts had strayed further than intended. He looked down at his erection as it pushed against the thick fabric of his pants. He was painfully hard. It had been months since he had felt true relief. He could only do so much for himself and with all the stress, sometimes he failed to bring himself to release. He was far too pent up and she had riled him further. The way her chest rose with her frustration, her hands on her hips, her lips pouted in her distress.

This was her fault, he swore to himself. She needed to atone. He licked his lips as he saw her angry face again. He couldn't wait to see her crumble.

----------

You were too frustrated to be alone. You had quickly changed and found Sam as he sat in the same spot as the day before. He often wasted his time in front of the television, sinking into the couch as he made a mess of the coffee table. And he could always cheer you up with his lame jokes.

You fell asleep in the chair as your conversation died and the television droned on. You were content with silence and easily lulled into an uncomfortable nap. You were still rattled by the mission and the following interaction with Steve. It made you extremely infuriated and even more dispirited. Seeing him this way, so changed, was unsettling. You had always told him he needed to be more forceful but you'd never meant this. Only that he needed to show some fang when Tony jumped down his throat.

You awoke with a start as vision of the super soldier's snarl filled your head. You needed sleep. A good night's rest and the heat would simmer down. Maybe Steve would apologise. Even if he didn't, you could at least hash this out like adults.

You stood and stretched, bidding Sam a good night as he fiddled with the remote. He muttered and you left him to fight with the shifty sensor. It was late. You expected to find Sam in the same spot tomorrow morning if not in the gym sweating away the boredom. You stretched as you neared the door. When you touched the handle you were suddenly on edge. The compound was so quiet. Eerie, even. Goosebumps covered your arms as you sensed something off. You couldn't quite place it. You slowly looked to your feet, a slat of light from beneath the door across your toes. You hadn't left your light on...had you?

You clasped the handle and slow turned it, edging inward as the air grew thicker. Anticipation burned around you, not all your own, and you held back a gasp as you found Steve standing with his back to you, your dresser drawer open as he examined an unseen object. Your blood froze.

He turned slowly, holding up the small metallic vibe with a smirk. “Lonely, are we?” he teased. Your nostrils flared and you raced forward, grabbing for the toy as he held it away from you easily.

“Jesus, Steve, give it to me,” you ordered.

“Why? You gonna use it for me?” he grinned.

“What the fuck is your problem? You have no right to go through my stuff. Or even be in here.”

“Without me you wouldn't have this room.” He easily held you at bay, his arm bent defensively to block you. “You wouldn't have this either.” He wiggled the toy in front of you before tossing it over his shoulder and it bounced noisily against the dresser. You stepped back as he lowered his arm and suddenly stepped closer. You didn't like the look in his eyes. “You best remember who brought you here. Who got you on the team in the first place.”

“Is that what you want? You want me to leave?” You took another step back as he closed in.

He grinned. It was unlike any look you had seen on his face before. “What I want is for you to close that door and apologize.”

“Me apologize?” Your eyes widened. ‘If anything, you're the one-”

You were interrupted as he lunged forward, pulling you to him and clapping his hand over your mouth. “I am your captain so you're going to listen to me. Close the door. Now!”

He released you and you stumbled back, steadying yourself as the heat rose along your neck and the air grew harder to breathe. You stared at him, your chest catching as you realized he was serious. You kept your eyes on him as you reached behind yourself blindly, closing the door slowly until it clicked. You gulped and looked at him, wiping your sweaty palms along your jeans.

“Well, I'm waiting’” he urged, watching you as closely as a predator. You had to collect yourself, your eyes searching for an escape. He was faster and stronger.

“I'm sorry?” Your voice cracked with uncertainty. If you said what he wanted to hear he'd leave...hopefully. You cleared your throat, “I'm sorry, okay? I should've listened to you.”

“You should've,” he neared and you pressed yourself against the door. He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “So let's work on your listening skills.” The way his lips curved beneath his dark beard was unsettling. He let go of your chin and snaked his hand around to the back of your neck. He turned around and forced you forward, shoving you to stand just feet away from him. “Turn around and look at me.” He commanded and you hid your shock, quickly obeying.

The intensity of his stare made it difficult to meet his eye line. You tried to stay steady, fighting to keep your composure. “Take your shirt off.” He ordered as of it was a basic military task. You couldn't help the confusion which creased your forehead and he put his hands on his hips. “I gave you an order.”

He wasn't kidding. This wasn't a joke or a show. He really meant it. And he was now blocking the door. You wiped the epiphany from your face and hesitantly reached to the hem of your shirt. His eyes followed the movement, taking in every inch of flesh as it was bared. You swooped your shirt over your head and tossed it at him sharply. “Happy? You've proven yourself, okay? I get it, you're in charge.”

He ignored you and his blue eyes ran the length of your torso, lingering on your bra. “Pants too.” His tongue peeked out, running along his lip. The gesture stoked a heat which added to your shame. This was humiliating not arousing...at least it wasn’t supposed to be.

You blinked and carefully unbuttoned your fly and bunched the waist in the crook of your thumb and index. You pushed the jeans reluctantly down your legs. You couldn't look at him any longer as the curve of your thighs drew his attention and the cool air touched your skin.

“Ah, look at me.” He warned. You snapped your head up and your eyes burned at him as you untangled your ankles from the denim, your socks lost in the legs. You stood up slowly, hands at your side as you resisted the urge to hide your figure. Your plain white panties and matching bra were your only shield. “The rest, too.” His voice had turned thick, deeper. His blue eyes were as dark as the ocean and his focus on you was unnerving.

You sputtered by no words came out. Your mouth hung open as your eyes held his. He didn’t flinch. You snapped your lips shut and inhaled, stiffly reaching back to unhook your bra. As the metal loops were freed and the fabric loosened, Steve shifted slightly. You brought your hands up and slid the straps down your arms, uncovering your chest, and threw away the bra. Normally, it was a relief, but as your nipples hardened and a shiver ran down your back, you felt so vulnerable. He was intent on you, waiting with bated breath as you fumbled with the elastic of your cotton panties. You gave one last pleading look and he raised single brow, urging you on. He wouldn’t tell you again.

You bit the inside of your cheeks as you tugged down your panties, rolling them until they fell to the floor on their own accord. You searched him for an ounce of relent and his eyes devoured your body. He was moving towards you before you could react. You were backing away clumsily until you were backed up against the dresser. He stopped less than a foot away, staring down at you, his chest rising and falling as he grinned. “Take your hair down,” He growled and you shakily unlooped the hair tie, your hair spilling down. He seemed rather pleased by your swift response.

“On the bed,” He demanded, his tone heeding no refusal. Whatever sick idea he had concocted in the time since your argument, there was no shaking it. You only felt confused as the tickle it stirring deep inside of you. Like you actually wanted this to happen. As if this was perfectly acceptable solution to the fighting and tension between you. You made your way to the bed, doing your best not show too much as you climbed up onto it. “Face me. Now lay back.” You hesitated but did as he said. Before your head was completely reclined, you saw him reached for the disposed toy on the dresser. What the fuck?!

“Bend your legs,” Your knees bent easily, almost against your will. “Spread them.” That last order you were having trouble with. He would see everything...and you could guess he meant to do more than see everything. His hands pushed between your clenched legs and he forced them apart. You gasped and he chuckled. “As your captain, I expect you to listen.” He pinched your thigh and you squeaked. “What was that?” He pinched you again, “Did you say ‘yes, Captain’?”

Your lashes fluttered and your lips twitched before you managed to find your voice. “Y-yes, Captain.” You echoed.

“Good,” He praised, his hand spreading across your thigh, kneading the flesh as a click sounded and the sudden buzz of the toy filled the space. Your legs tensed but he kept you from closing them on him, his hand keeping your thigh in place as he grunted in warning. You pressed your lips together as he slowly trailed the head of the small vibe up your leg, drawing circles on your thigh, tracing the outline just along your pussy. Your fingers were buried in the duvet, gripping at it desperately as you tried to resist the building flurry within.

When the vibe touched your folds, you shuddered, cringing as he must have noticed. When it delved deeper, you struggled not to squirm, you were about to tear the duvet. You forced your fingers apart, palming the blanket instead as the muscles of your legs grew taught. As the vibrations met your clit, you barely held in the moan, a muffled whine. He circled your small bundle of nerves and your pelvis bucked. Stop! You were trying to control yourself but it was all too much, especially as he continued the motion, swirling and swirling until your teeth were clenched and your fingers had curled back into the duvet. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction and yet you couldn’t hide what he was doing to you.

“Now, show your captain that you can listen,” He dragged the vibrator across your clit, holding it flat so that the ripples built. “Cum.” He turned the vibe suddenly so that its tip was once more focused on your button and the ripples turned to reverberations, running from head to toe as you tilted your pelvis against the toy. “Mmm, good girl.”

As the orgasm passed and the after waves took you, he removed the toy and clicked it off. He left it once more on the dresser, this time shining with your juice. You remained prone on the bed, hiding your face as the embarrassment set in. What had he just done? What had you just done? You crossed your legs, ready to roll over and wait for him to leave, but he caught your ankles and forced your legs apart. “I didn’t say I was done with you.” His hands slipped down the back of your legs, resting on your thighs as he pushed your knees as high as the would go. He lowered his head, just above the little tuft that edged your pussy, and nuzzled it, almost as if inhaling your scent. You turned your head away, hand on your forehead as the heat burned along your cheeks.

He delved into you suddenly, his tongue surprising you as it slipped between your folds. He hummed as he played with your clit, the oversensitive bundle buzzing at another go. You bent your legs so that you were almost crushing his hands and he curled your body further, giving himself better access. A long moan escaped your mouth and your hand clamped over your mouth. No.

“Go on,” He lifted his head. You looked down at him meekly. He had never made you feel so...inferior. His beard glimmered with your juices, the realization had the flames licking at your skin. “Moan for me.”

He dived back in and you dropped your head back down as he suckled on your clit. It was too much. The sensation was overwhelming; hypnotizing. After months in the compound with nothing but your vibe, the human touch was intoxicating. Your back arched as your nerves lit up and sparked, another orgasm taking you and this time you could not restrain the exclamation. “Oh, god!”

Steve slowly relented, lifting his head as he let go of your thighs. “No, I’m just a Captain,” He taunted, “But I can understand the confusion.”

You were panting, motionless as you grasped at your dwindling wits. In the corner of your vision, he undressed. Your hand was on your chest, trying to steady the ragged beating. You closed your eyes and counted. Just breathe. You opened them as the room went silent and you found Steve at the edge of the bed, his cock in hand as he slowly and deliberately stroked himself. His blue eyes ran the length of your figure and his tongue once more flicked across his lips. He was big. Like bigger than any you had seen before. And so thick. Your eyes widened as you watched him play with his himself, resting one knee on the bed as he prepared to climb up.

“Don’t worry,” He grinned, “I’ll take it easy on you for this exercise.”

You were up on your elbows again, trying to crawl backwards as your feet kicked at the mattress. You couldn’t take all of that. Well, your pussy would say otherwise as it throbbed painfully, bemoaning an emptiness you had been ignoring for far too long. Steve’s second knee came up and he caught your ankles again, dragging you close and moving his grip to your hips. He removed a hand to position himself, reaching down to run his cock along your clit to your entrance, rubbing it back and forth as he slicked the head. You bit your lip, another moan betraying you.

He lined his cock up to your entrance, pushing just the head inside, stretching you in a mixture of delight and discomfort. You inhaled, bracing yourself for the rest of him, his eyes shining at the colour in your face. As he went further, your fingers closed around the wrist of his hand which held you down at the hip. Your nails dug into his flesh as he forced his way in, your walls resisting at first only to accommodate him as they longed for more. You squeaked as he impaled you fully, your entire body numb except for your pussy which pulsed around him.

“I’d say it’s been too long,” He rolled his hips, testing your limits. “Fuck, you’re tight.” He pulled back, pausing as only his tip remained inside of you. You blinked and looked down at his cock, wondering if he would just leave it at that. Maybe his game was over. He slammed back into you suddenly and you flung your head back, eyes rolling as you cried out. He purred in approval and thrust again, again, again. Every time your body contorted in response and both hands held you by your hips, guiding himself into you harshly, using your body easily, as if you weighed nothing. The sound of his flesh against yours filled the room and betrayed how wet you were.

He released your hips, grabbing your wrist as you grasped at the duvet and pinned them above your head, leaning over you as he continued to fuck you. Somehow, his motion only grew harder, deeper, faster. Your legs were limp, no resistance left in your muscles as he pounded into you. He put all his weight into each thrust as if he was punishing you. You were too far gone to feel the pain, your moans turning to gibbering as your head lolled around wildly. You were cumming again and you muttered some nonsense; maybe it was his name, maybe it was “Captain”. You didn’t know as orgasm after orgasm robbed you of your sense.

Your wrists were suddenly loose as Steve pulled out of you sharply, cupping his balls as he stroked himself to climax, his cum spurting out along your pelvis and seeping down towards your pussy. You were too weak to move, your fatigue returning as the adrenaline and ecstasy faded away. Steve gave a satisfied sigh as he looked over you splayed out like a rag doll.

He rounded the bed, bending so that he was looking down at you. He bundled your hair in his hand and forced your head straight. “So, the next time I give you an order, what do you say?” He asked.

“Y-yes, Captain,” You babbled and he chuckled.

“Very good,” He let your head fall back and stood, your eyes closing on their own accord. The haze clouded your vision and you saw only the distant blur as Steve moved around your chamber and dressed. The open and close of your door confirmed his departure and finally, you drifted off, images of the angry super soldier forming in a much different light.

#dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #dark!fic #one shot #dark one shot #dark!one shot #dark fic #fic #request #anon #mcu #marvel #angry steve rogers #like very angry steve

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neirawrites · 4 years

Text

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In 2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it.

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him. He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17? is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat; take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

#twilight #stephanie meyer #the midnight sun #edward cullen #bella swan #long post

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incorrect-hs-quotes · 5 years

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Why doesn’t mod Dave (I think) like Davekat? I’m not trying to be all “omg that’s homophobic” just curious

oh nfdkgjdj youre good! i gotcha lmao

im gonna put this under a read more cause i KNOW this is gonna get long. i know a lot of you ship davekat and yallre valid as hell but i just. Dont ship it and if you dont wanna scroll past all this then blacklist “long” or “anti davekat”

but if youre curious then. h. here we go

-mod dave

so first things first, again, im not shitting on any davekat shippers personally. hell i think the OTHER two mods of this blog ship it and i know that a whooooole ton of you guys do too. i love yall, this is just how i see davekat itself

to me though its just. not.. a substantial ship. yknow? and to top it all off i have the humongous fucking aroace headcanon that ive pinned to dave since he first showed up in the comic anyway

first things first my headcanon plays into the matter. i saw a lot of myself in him since i started reading in 2015, a lot of his phrasings and the way hed skitter around talking about love for like half the comic was a HUGE and RELATABLE thing for me. i get that a gay kid could also easily do those things the same reason an aroace kid could, not knowing how falling outside of “ThE nOrM” would go, sure, but. me kin id ya know

he didnt understand quadrants at all and refused to talk about them when the other kids did understand, or at least were interested in the topic. dave? completely shut it down like the second it was brought up. and oh god when itd get to specifically HIS quadrants? remember that whole entire memo when karkat told him and john not to talk to vriska and terezi anymore? literally dave the whole time “okay are we done. can we not. can we not. are we done. oh my god. great next”

so with all the instances like that going down my headcanon was born. and holy hell is that motherfucker hard to drop

dealing with actual dave ships in general? almost all of them are either broken off asap or skitted around without actually talking about them at all, minus like an off-hand mention or two. example: the three year trip. davesprite breaks up with jade for a reason implied to be “hes not the real dave” and thats it. cmon now

pre retcon meteor trip. sure terezis in the mix but again we never really get any actual substance in the comic. we get “DID DAVE BREAK UP WITH YOU?” once from karkat to terezi during openbound. and to tie this all back into davekat? pre retcon davekat doesnt.. happen. at all. its just two bros being dudes. hell they end up dropping the terezi quadrant notion anyway by the time they get to the alpha session

POST RETCON. suddenly vriska shows up and theyre… magically in a relationship

i get they had other things to focus on when vriska wasnt there yeah. but if rosemary can be a consistent factor, drunk rose or sober rose, vriska or no vriska, then shouldnt davekat, a ship implied to be the mlm equivalent to rosemary, have done the same thing? terezi was still there and its a little unrealistic that vriska took up so much of terezis time that dave and karkat would go “oh.” and just drop her altogether

and even after the retcon the only romantic thing that even happens between dave and karkat is a lot of other people going ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) at them, assuming thats whats going on, with no actual confirmation from either party. that and the fact that karkats last line off dialogue was “I HOPE HE’S OKAY.” worrying about dave.

like. SHIT i hope SOLLUX is okay but you dont see me head over heels with a romantic crush on the dude do you ?? i GUSH about the fucker but i can assure you all i aint any less aromantic than before yall knew how much i appreciate a good captor

my whole point is davekat is written like it was a last minute add in solely as a nod toward mlm when there were so many other better suited people with a history and chemistry and personalities that actually could have fit together. JOHNKAT fit together. yall remember johnkat? or there could have been a dirkjake revival that focused on dirk bettering himself and them working toward a healthier relationship. or maybe tavros could have stayed alive and he and gamzee could have gone in further in whatever direction they kind of went in. we could have even had a canon kismesisitude between sollux and eridan, or- hear me out- a fuckin. CANON PALE DAVESOL if his ass STAYED ON THE METEOR,

long story short, i dont like davekat as a ship cause its rushed as hell and i self project on anything that resembles me in the least and thank you for coming to my ted talk

#HOO boy #holy shit #im sorry kdgadkljg #yallre free to ship davekat i dont care what yall do #im not one of those people whos like ''NO ONE SHOULD SHIP IT !! >:(''#like some people think its abusive somehow and thats.. bullshit ?#its not #it literally just has 0 substance and i have a really strong headcanon thats it #not a quote #mod dave #anti davekat #long

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littlemarvelfics · 5 years

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1.1k Follower Challenge

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Honestly… I’m speechless. There are 1.1k of you. 1,100 of you decided you liked what I was doing enough to follow me and that is absolutely mind-blowing to me. My goal was to get one thousand followers by this blog’s first birthday and y’all did it so much faster than that. And so before we get onto the challenge part of this, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for reading and supporting what I write. You guys will never know how much this has helped me in so many different parts of my life.

Anyway! Here’s a challenge and here’s what it’s all about! There are prompts below the cut and they all come from songs! Music is my number one motivator when it comes to writing. So I thought I might share the love so to speak. You can find a playlist of all the songs here on Spotify or here on YouTube.

What this challenge is:

Each prompt is a lyric and the song it’s from. 16 songs, 32 lyrics. You wanna use just the lyrics? Cool! You wanna use the lyric and the entire song as inspiration? Awesome! This is pretty free-form as far as what you do with the prompt. I did alter some of the lyrics to make them fit more like dialogue. You can change them back or change them further!

How to enter:

Send me an ask! Send me the prompt and your pairing. Don’t know your pairing? That’s fine! Let me know when you do!

How to post:

Post your stuff here or on AO3 (or both). Make sure you tag @littlemarvelfics and use the tag #rachels1.1kchallenge. And since I suck sometimes and so does tumblr, add yourself to this lovely google doc! I’ll make a masterlist when the challenge wraps up.

What you can post:

Anything! Fic, edits, moodboards, ect. Whatever you creative lovelies want to post (within the rules) counts for me!

Rules:

You don’t have to follow me but it would be cool if you did, come join this shit show!

Send me an ask with your prompt (asks only!)

Write for any Marvel character your heart desires

Smut is fine but y’all gotta swear on America’s Ass that you’ll tag it and that you’re 18+ writing it

Speaking of tags: just tag appropriately!

No word limit! But use the read more option when ya should

Deadline is August 1st. Plenty of time but I know that life gets in the way. Just let me know if you need more time!

Prompts:

“I never made the best decisions.” (405 by This Wild Life) @thatwriterfanblog

“If things get worse will you still be here?” (405 by This Wild Life) @pies-wands-and-more

“The lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap.” (Better Son/ Daughter by Rilo Kiley)

“You’re weak but not giving in.” (Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley)

“I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here.” (Break Me Out by The Rescues)

“If we don’t do this now, we’ll never make it.” (Break Me Out by The Rescues)

“Nothing is impossible with you.” (Coloring Outside the Lines by MisterWives)

“They say time slips away when you’re having fun, so you said let’s change our lives into a dull one.” (Coloring Outside the Lines by MisterWives)

“Sometimes I wonder how you stay so sad when you’re so beautiful.” (Dance So Good by Wakey!Wakey!)

“Tell me why we’re talking when we dance so good.” (Dance So Good by Wakey!Wakey!)

“You’re sweatshirt’s way too big on me but it’s perfect.” (Enough for Always by Kate Voegele)

“You’re the only thing worth coming home to and it’s how I want to end all of my days.” (Enough for Always by Kate Voegele) @averyrogers83

“The secrets you tell me, I’ll take to my grave.” (Guillotine by Jon Bellion)

“If you have nightmares, we’ll dance on the bed.” (Guillotine by Jon Bellion)

“I never said thank you for that, I thought I might get one more chance.” (Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World)

“What would you think of me now?” (Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World) @sunmoonandbucky

“I didn’t know I was lonely until I saw your face.” (I Wanna Get Better by Against the Current *originally Bleachers*)

“I didn’t know I was broken until I wanted to change.” (I Wanna Get Better by Against the Current *originally Bleachers*

“I know what I should do but I just can’t walk away.” (Kill by Jimmy Eat World) @shield-agent78

“I can’t help it baby this is who I am.” (Kill by Jimmy Eat World)

“I’ll love you all the while because you saved my life once.” (Light Outside by Wakey!Wakey!)

“I think I always knew you would be the greatest.” (Light Outside by Wakey!Wakey!)

“You are beautiful in everything you do.” (No More Bad Days by This Wild Life)

“I thought we hit rock bottom and then the floor gave out.” (No More Bad Days by This Wild Life) @buckygrantbarnes

“If you’re using me, do it slowly.” (Stay Away by The Honorary Title) @shield-agent78

“Stay away from me.” (Stay Away by The Honorary Title)

“Something told me to run.” (Where I Stood by Missy Higgins)

“I don’t know who I am without you.” (Where I Stood by Missy Higgins) @hotoffthepressfics

“I’m still in love with who I wish you were.” (Wish You Were by Kate Voegele) @fichoe21

“Memories are following me like a shadow now.” (With You Were by Kate Voegele)

“I woke up and wished that I was dead.” (World Spins Madly On by The Weepies) @littledarlinwrites

“I thought of you and where you’d gone. And the world spins madly on.” (World Spins Madly On by The Weepies)

#writing challenge #writing prompts #marvel #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine #music

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