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#and why am i always posting when no one is around lolz
spacebunniezzz · 5 days
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I've been into scene and emo music and fashion since I was very young and I'm currently 22 years old and let me just say that me and my friend who was scene growing up would have been listening to 6arelyhuman's music.
(While scene music is made up of crunkcore, electronicore, metalcore and pop punk specifically neon pop punk lots of people just call it scene music to keep things short and simple so thats what I'm doing :3)
People have considered s3rl's music has been popular in the scene while being considered to be scene music and Nevershoutnever's music is also popular in the scene and considered scene music and Brokencyde's music is scene yet all of those artists are so different from each other so why isn't 6arelyhuman's music scene music? Because it definitely is. Scene music isn't just made up of one genre.
(Even Kesha's music was super popular in the scene community! :3)
Its okay to say you don't like 6arelyhuman's music but it definitely is scene and I feel like one of the issues we have is how we really like to box things in nowadays and we just end up gatekeeping more than we really should and in the end things become more complicated and lots of fighting and we see people arguing over stuff that is very silly.
I am personally tired of constantly putting things and creativity in restraining boxes when it doesn't make any sense or i know that it feels wrong. That's not because I'm trying to be better than anyone but because I have lots of experience because this has been something I have been into for a long time and experienced growing up.
I also feel that we don't talk enough about how the scene intersects a lot. Pop punk bands have made emo songs, pop punk bands have been considered scene, both scene and emo kids listen to post hardcore and metalcore etc. Like it intersects A LOT and a lot of these bands in the scene have also toured together and have been in festivals together like Warped Tour.
(6arelyhuman definitely would have been playing on Warped Tour if they made music back when Warped Tour was alive and active :3)
I'm just tired of seeing the gatekeeping and the arguing, I've seen this so many times in the past especially in the emo community and I'm tired of seeing it everywhere and it's sad seeing it still happen. It reminds me of when I see metalheads gatekeep on Facebook lolz! I want to add that I'm not trying to shame those who say these types of things because I know that they are most likely minors who are still new to the scene and are just trying to find their way around and are still learning and looking for advice, I used to be exactly like that but as someone who has been into this stuff for a long time I just felt like I needed to speak up. This has been a huge part of my life and has been my special interest for so long and the urge to want to say something has been craaaaazzzzyyyy lolz!
Another thing I want to add is that there is nothing bad about growth and change either even if it can be scary at times, sometimes it's not always a bad thing and is needed for a community to continue to thrive. Artists like 6arelyhuman help people get into the scene and get into other scene and emo artists.
And that's a good thing :3
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So let's encourage growth, change and inclusion. That's what the scene should be about <3
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ok weeks later i am finally continuing my gwitch rewatch lolz. time for episode 12.... someone PLEASE tell tumblr to stop erasing my posts just as im about to hit post and not being able to undo it because i had the longest write up and now here i am.... rewriting again and trying to remember what i'd written. i'm gonna scream lmao
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this part feels so awful now that the series is over and thinking back on ep 24. miorine just comes to, all to see the doors closed and hear suletta's screams and sophie's gunshots on the other side. no doubt in my mind this girl probably dealt with awful nightmares about suletta dying after quiet zero
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i know prospera did use this as another XP level up for aerial, but jeez, imagine how much confidence she has in suletta and eri to be able to say something like this. like not just that suletta will go to aerial, but that together they can take on the attackers who at the time prospera didn't know shit about
lmao i dont think ive ever felt so confidently about something that id bet my whole life ln it
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ad stella universe is crazy because i can only think the big liberatarian ancap society is some silicon valley fascist's wet dream because how else do you explain the business management girl knowing 1337 hacker skills
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stupid asshole
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sophie and norea are such tragic characters to me goddamn. like how often were they practicing their piloting to be able to be good enough to join on a mission like this? were they upping their permet score during practice too?
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and why exactly is it them who pilot the lfriths instead of someone else from DoF? we never really get a clear answer on why it has to be the teenage girls when later on we see there's a ton of grown men around. i think given what else we know of ad stella, though, it doesn't matter much when we have asticassia as a school for the elite that basically serves for furthering earthian oppression be it by force (ie. see guel's original plans for joining dominicus) or just continuing to further the spoils of space capitalism
when you think of it that way, i don't see DoF any different than say palestinians fighting back against oppression from IDF forces. unless you're a racist fuck, you can't blame palestinian kids for throwing rocks at IDF soldiers, so i can't really blame norea and sophie for joining the fight
to quote fanon:
National liberation, national renaissance, the restoration of nationhood to the people, commonwealth: whatever may be the headings used or the new formulas introduced, decolonization is always a violent phenomenon.
- Frantz Fanon, "Concerning Violence," The Wretched of the Earth
i really do wish they hadn't just sidelined DoF entirely lol if you subscribe even a smidgen to anti-colonialism, its hard not to sympathize with them and shaddiq/grassley girls. and here theyre actually fighting for a just cause and are deserving of sympathy unlike 0079’s fakeout with zeon.
flipping the UC spacenoid/earth dichotomy so that earthians are the exploited class is just good shit when you consider what fuckers like musk want to do lol and its not as set in stone as exploitation only happens on earth either. mercury sounds like an abandoned appalachian mining town at this point with people lured out by jobs and then left to fend for themselves once permet was found elsewhere and their utility to the spacian capitalist class has run dry. and though i take this one with a grain of salt because we never get hard confirmation or denial, the elans were supposedly spacians (norea calls him a spacian even after finding out el5n’s not the real elan and he doesnt say one way or the other).
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enough marxist ramblings, here's a cool shot of lfrith ur
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whoever added this, i love them
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as much as i don't trust bandai with sulemio unless they reverse the mess they've made for themselves.... i just want to fucking know more about notrette so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!
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badass shot of lfrith thorn to go with the ur one earlier
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snitch boy starts his snitch arc
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the whole way guel killing vim plays out felt like it was gonna lead to something cool at the time... it makes me even more mad now knowing that it very likely is all an homage to zeta and kamille stealing the mk-ii and then later watching his mom die lol (ffs we even have the guel episode later on stealing its title from a zeta episode). guel's entire character just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth with everything thats happened recently
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to think that 15 mins later she'd just be all ditzy over pancakeing a man after basically peeing her pants here
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prospera shooting a gun at quiet zero >>> prospera shooting a gun at plant quetta
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this show and this fucking pose, man lmao
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AERIAL REBUILD is going to be stuck in my head all night because of this episode.... but look at how fucking cool she looks!!!
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okouchi if this is a line you wrote, you, sir, are a troll... her face now is literally just :<
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if you have the rebuild aerial and you don't have her posed like this, then what are you even doing?
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i still feel like secelia and rouji for sure had no idea how powerful aerial's gund-bit gun was in episode 17. like norea is scared shitless here and tells sophie and olcott to get the fuck away. we have olcott telling us that even though it has school regulations on, it's strong as fuck
that said, i don't think guel was in mortal danger given that the school restrictions don't let them aim at cockpits or whatever, but it sure would've fucked up the darilbalde
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oh this line hurts lol
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i don't think i ever paused on this frame before lol i really hope peil hags master plan here wasn't just to have el5n get all rapey like he does later on. i mean, probably not and that was moreso el5n's desparate attempts to stay alive given he barely gets a chance to do anything before school shootings 1 and 2 bring everything to shit
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comparing this frame versus suletta inside calibarn in ep 24 and suletta is still just a baby at this point in the show lmao she looks like a little teddy bear vs kakkoii ikemen suletta
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paused on this frame and it honestly looks cool as hell lmao
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and we made it to THE scene
you know, as i said in prior rewatch posts, i had been watching via GJM's fansubs at this point and was gonna wait for them to release their version of episode 12... however, that same suletta sunday i logged on to twitter and immediately got spoiled on this scene lmao so i needed to find out what the fuck happened and stopped waiting on fansubs (i did rewatch later on)
it really is such an amazingly well done scene though like goddamn lol
now that the show's over, i do kind of wonder if there could have been something other than this to become the spark of tension between suletta and miorine. with the exception of sophie (which arguably was more eri's victim than suletta's), suletta never kills anyone again in the show. her final fight ends up being against the gund nodes being commanded by eri lol so she just fights unmanned drones. it's an interesting decision considering the gundam franchise as a whole
i know it's meant to contrast against shaddiq's by any means necessary approach and prospera's willingness to do the same if someone tries to hinder her plans to help eri... but i really just can't get behind the whole violence is always bad no exceptions message behind the show. i do appreciate that shaddiq's plan basically still came to fruition and that it ends up being an in-world analogue to nationalization of industry. and it's really a cherry on top to have sabina call out whether that was for the best - not just that they nationalized industry but that nothing else was done to stop those who don't agree with what miorine did. history has given us countless examples of countries that nationalize various industries just for the united states military to come in and make some shit up and stage a coup and hand over said industry to whatever shithead capitalists were being piss babies about it at the time
lmao i know we're all mad about a lot of the yuri being left on the table because of bandai execs, but i wonder how much of the anti-capitalist message got left on there too. they really had a chance to make guel a real hero and he's just... not lol. episode 15 makes me mad not because it's a guel episode but because nothing ever actually came from DoF existing. like what was the point?
if they just wanted to humanize DoF a bit and introduce the kid that guel and kenanji run into later on, that could have taken half an episode given the insane pacing they chose to go by during the 2nd cour
regardless, i'll still savor little bits here and there
ok lmao i feel like my original post was way better than this and it took me double the time now to make this post but whatever. gonna try to get through some more eps this weekend
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culminada · 2 months
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I'm asexual! but I barely experience acephobia because my other three alienating traits are like shields that protect me from it 🙃unfortunately I do experience the -phobias people have of the other three things so. yaaay my ability to make friends? not to mention romance? ugh.
first up is that I'm multicultural and belong to a cultural minority. I'm not going to talk about it a whole lot because it's very confusing! so I just call it my culture of origin! and they're not online at all. like we/they (??) barely believe in the tech things. definitely they're not on tumblr. so I'm not looking for them here. just talking about how being multicultural has affected me socially. Mostly it obstructs my social life from my end, by getting in the way of me feeling like I have anything in common with people. I'll only really accept a romantic partner from my culture of origin, so that excludes 99.999% of people I'll meet on the street from discussion of my sexuality lol.
Second up! The autism! Nobody ever tried to make friends with me (or responded when I tried to) and I have no clue if its because of the 'tism or the red blotches on my face from the dermatillomania. I might lean more towards the autism but I'm still skeptical of that, also I'm 'culminada' (CULtural MINority, Autism, Dermatillomania and Asexuality) so, autism it is :) I had to practice for YEARS before I got the hang of interacting with people I didn't know well. Small talk? What's that? WHY? I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. Nobody sticks around anyway. (The one time somebody approached me independently while I was writing in my notebook and I stared at my notebook while trying to think what to say. so they walked off. utter joy.) The progression from 'stranger' to 'acquaintance' to 'friend' and so on is also something I've had to learn. I've had to claw my way up the 'relationship ladder' which, sadly, does exist whether one is on the friendship ladder or the romantic ladder. I have yet to progress anywhere on the romantic ladder with ANYONE so. yayyyyy
Dermatillomania, the incessant picking of my own skin! Like I said, red blotchy face isn't very attractive. Sometimes I'll be bleeding and not notice. yaaaaay. Finding a romantic partner is going to be. yknow. a breeze. a walk in the park. as easy as breathing. not to MENTION. the sheer TIME it takes out of my DAY. how am I supposed to learn the wifely skills of my culture when I?? lose HOURS to dermatillomania and executive dysfunction? (they have a feedback loop on each other. I get Stuck in my day for whatever executively dysfunctional reason! oh now I start picking, bc of course. OH DEARY NOW I CAN'T SWITCH TASKS, GUESS I'LL STAY HERE FOREVER. DESTROYING MY SKIN.)
So yeah, by the time somebody infiltrates the layers of visual disgust, autistic communication barriers, and cultural differences, they're pretty well screened against something as simple and boring as acephobia. You don't get close to me without being VERY accepting of differences. (or just. yknow. capable of critical thinking and the awareness that people are different lolz.)
(I also tended to be that twelve-year-old who sighed wistfully and said I can't wait to get married, I want to get married ASAP, you know historically people got married at like. 14 right? and so everybody around me was always going OH DEARY YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY WAIT... LIKE SIX MORE YEARS IF NOT LONGER which I'm sure my fellow asexuals would have loved to hear, but my alloromantic brain was Very Unhappy about. it has now been 6+ or more years, for the record,)
anyway that's me. I got tired of repressing my aceposting and autism-posting and so on, bc my other blog is a fandom fic blog. btw go check out @skaald-of-the-hearth-fires that's the fifth, unofficial reason I feel alienated. (actually that falls under the autism heading, nevermind) my culture barely does video games. nobody in regular old boring American culture plays my special interest video game either. I find this quite distressing when people ask what I do and I say oh!! I'm a writer! I write fanfic for Guild Wars 2!! oh you haven't heard of that. ok. I'm so normal about that. so I've written the fic to be quite understandable to non-gamers, fandom-blind readers, and brainrotted fans alike :)
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asstrolo · 2 years
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“𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑛𝑜𝑤 (𝑇𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟'𝑠 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛)” 𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑦 𝑜𝑏𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠
Hi, John Mayer 😁🔪
listen to this bop while we're at it
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— I'm going to start this post by venting so sorry in advance, but if i see another "aquarius moon people are cold and detached" or "i wouldn't date them because they have no emotions" i will flip this table I'm at my limit ಠ_ʖಠ
just become they don't give out their emotions to the first person they meet does not mean they are cold, same with capricorn moons, they are super sweet and loyal people, if they aren't like that with you is just because they don't like you 🤧, I'm DONE seeing how we lack emotional intelligence because we don't trust people easily, leave us alone! my heart is fragile!
Okay now we can continue lol
🤍 Venus in 1st people like GIFTS, not because they're materialistic, but they like jewelry or clothes or flowers type of things, something they can wear around, like show off their partner when they aren't there "this? oh yes my partner gave me this lolz" and they probably give their loved ones a lot of gifts, it's just their love language
💜 also Taurus Venus or 2H in Venus, personally I understand why they'd do it, it's like carrying a little piece of somebody else when they're not with them, but i do prefer self-made gifts
🤍 Saturn in 6H and perpetually being exploited by other people, especially at work. If you have this placement you should check the aspects, and your own 6H, it'll give you an inside to how people use you, because they so smh :/
💜 you are like a super competent person, and you like (or feel obligated) to help others, it's kinda like, you'd feel bad if you don't do it? Just know, you can help people, but they should never take advantage of that, you're not a machine
🤍 I've noticed Aries placements (sun most likely) if they have serious disabilities or illness that could take a tool on them physically, or even mentality, it's very probable they grow up and it won't affect them at all as they get older, I don't know why.
💜 They have the capacity to just, like, get better? Maybe they are very resilient, this is a very personal opinion, because i was born with a very serious physical illness and it created a lot of other physical issues, nowadays i am a lot healthier and it doesn't affect me at all, i think it's very girlboss of me idk
🤍 You should always check where Chiron is (sign, house and aspects) when you do your Solar Return chart, it's really important since it will tell you what will be a constant theme throughout the year that'll being you "pain" or a lot of transformation
💜 I'll give you an example; i have Chiron in the 11H in my solar return chart, and I spent the year reevaluating my friendships and social circles in general (bc something fucked up happened but we're not gonna talk about that 😌) at the same time rethinking what is it that I wanted to do in terms of career and money, in my Natal Chart i have Taurus in the 11H so I guess it all comes back to how to make an income even though I failed at most jobs I wanted to try on 2021 so there you have it :')
🤍 do you guys know the "i was the problem all along"? that's what it is like to have the sign you have in your 8H in one of your big three lol
💜 most people that are attracted to the villain/bad guy in any story have Aquarius or Scorpio placements, even Gemini lol
🤍 Cancer placements can have a hard time with their family, their family rely too much on them and, depending on the aspects and rest of the chart, they can be more than willing to accept that responsibility, but sometimes they feel super suffocated by them, it's not uncommon for someone with Cancer in their big three to want to get away from their home because they don't have enough freedom
💜 I am a firm believer cats and Leos and Scorpios are meant to be, if you have Leo and/or Scorpio in your chart you should definitely get a cat since they can help a lot when you are feeling very intense emotions, a cat can calm you down, it's been said cats take out negative emotions from their owners just by being pet, and are good to relieve stress. Leos and Scorpios have a lot of very intense emotions all the time, so it's good for you guys to rely on them
🤍 Capricorn moons are very sensitive, they have emotional intelligence and were probably the kid who always cried when they were little, it's a misconception that Capricorn moons are unemotional or cold, they aren't, they just don't trust people easily and they act more serious with people they don't know or not trust, but yeah, they're super emotional and it takes time to get into that side of them
💜 2H synastry between two people, specially if it's a stellium, can attract a lot of money from this relationship, but also a lot of possessiveness, a lot of jealousy.
🤍 Let me tell you why, the 2H is what we're comfortable with and what we are used to, what we see as our home, with this, a couple that has this synastry is very used to and comfortable to each other's presence and it comforts them, it can become very toxic when they don't want to lose the other person or them seeing other people. They see them as their home
💜 people with Chiron in 7H/Libra and their exes finding the love of their lives after breaking up with them, i swear.... They endure so much pain from romantic relationships all the time, Taylor Swift herself has a Chiron in 7H and that girl has been trough hell and back, honestly
🤍 lastly, Geminis, specially Gemini women, are one of the most giving and less judgmental partners ever, they are so supportive of their partner's decisions and they expect the same in return, it's true that they want freedom and be able to do whatever they want in a relationship, and they give back the same energy, they're the chill girlfriend, the one that won't judge you for anything you want to do and they also have a need to take care of their partner? It's probably the cancer placements, they like taking care of them lol
✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧
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sillysnack · 2 years
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carlos madrigal u r sooo...so. Sooooo
& (platonic) , / (romantic)
pairing: carlos madrigal / reader
prns used: they/them (told in 2nd person. slight.)
word count: Idk i'll do this later.
— — — — —
notes: modern au !!! also this is u having carlos madrigal as ur online bf LOLZ (headcanons + little drabbles) posting something today bcs i wont be posting tmr (i think. hopefully i wld post a fic or two!)
bringing this post of mine to life
— — — — —
carlos madrigal as ur online boyfriend #woo
i think he's very sweet actually! wld message u every morning and asks if u ate breakfast already <3
updates you a lot lol! hes like "Just fucking pranked my brother" and sends a photo of camilo going 🙁🖕
is on call with you everynight ! you two fall asleep together kekekeke
pepa caught him on a call with you once and introduced you as a friend LMAOOO but she knows u two r more than that
you two planned on meeting up someday :) and carlos made sure that that would happen bcs it'd be the day you'll let him be your boyfriend
^^ félix is the first to know about this. he is ecstatic
félix dropped off carlos when u two met up and talked to you for a while :) safe to say he approves of u all the way until marriage
marriage is a long way but HEY you two do talk about it from time to time :) making silly little moodboards for how it'll look and shit
owhhhh camilo wants to meet you so badddd so he cld make fun of his brother
"Let me meet them, please?" Camilo has begged his brother countless times to meet this person he's been on calls with many nights. Carlos rolled his eyes, why does he want to meet you anyways? He wasn't a big fan of online relationships.
"Give me a good reason."
Camilo smiled. "Because I'm your brother and I want you to be happy?"
Carlos scoffed. "Gross."
"I'm being caring?"
"Don't do it again. Now, go away." Carlos put his earphones on. "I'm going to call them while they're studying."
"That doesn't sound like good boyfriend behavior."
Carlos sighed. Like Camilo knew about dating. "I'm supporting them."
"Okay. I want to give my support too, and details about how you act around them. For research."
"Fuck you, what research?"
yeah. u two go on little dates in call <3
the fucker spoils u actually. when you talk to him abt your problems, he has food delivered to your place (starts sobbing)
^^ the food has little messages too. CRIES
oh he was very much happy for you to meet his primas & hermana.
"Make sure Camilo doesn't get in."
"On it!" Mirabel pushes Camilo out of his shared room with Carlos.
"What the fu–! Hola, mami!"
"Finish that sentence."
Carlos, along with his cousins and sister didn't mind Camilo's shriek when his ear got twisted by Pepa.
"They're very nice, okay? Don't bombard them with any questions. Me gustan mucho. (I like them a lot)."
Isabela sighs, "Was never a fan of online relationships. They were too messy for me. But I'm glad yours seems pleasant. Open the call!"
Carlos takes a deep breath. Now or never. His family was going to know you at some point.
"Hola, Y/N." Carlos smiles at you, your camera still isn't open. "Hola! Let me open my video real quick. Hello to your sister and cousins, too!"
Your video is open and a bright smile is on your face. I can hear the angels singing, actually. Carlos thinks.
"Carlos told me all about you guys!" You laugh. "Dolores is the sister, right?" Dolores nods. "I caught him asking my boyfriend for help with a poem he wrote for you."
You raise your eyebrow at Carlos. "A poem? Didn't know you were quite the poet, amor."
"Ooh, they called you 'amor'." Mirabel teases Carlos in a sing-song manner. "So, Y/N, tell me. Is Carlos... sweet?"
"Very much! He's always there for me, and I'm so grateful for that."
Carlos starts blushing. I am never hearing the end of this.
"You're Mirabel, the one who knows how to make clothes! Oh, Carlos showed me that sweater you knitted for him during Christmas... so cute!"
You pull up a photo of Carlos wearing the sweater. "Maybe I should make one for you! You two could match!" You put your thumb up.
"Are you sure you're dating Carlos? This doesn't sound a lot like him." Luisa laughs. Even Luisa? I am not eating with the family later.
You laugh along with her. "Right? He was really silent during our first few calls. Apparently it's because Camilo's nosy."
"I can hear you!" Mirabel hits the door. "Stop eavesdropping!"
im too lazy to write the rest of that basta his whole family likes you!!!!
GAHHhhhh hes so protective of u Im crying
he met your family as well and theyre like "..U two r 15. r u sure of this?" and he has this whole speech (camilo helped prepare it)
ur parents are okay with it :) just stay safe or smth since its online lol
part two
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kirschteinsj · 3 years
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Pinky Promises
Nanami x fem! reader
Warnings: nothing too much! maybe language but overall just a bunch of fluff and lovey dovey stuff 
Word Count: 2.9k
Summary: Domestic Nanami and reader, just thinking about how much they love each other. sappy and cute stuff.
A/N: Hi! ^_^ Second time posting, I’ve had this one shot saved for a bit now! finally posting it lolz. I've noticed a lot of people have written domestic Nanami pics or drawn art, very glad society as a whole has this perception of him. it truly heals the soul I think. anyway, I hope u like this and sorry if there’s any grammar errors I wasnt able to catch U_U im thinking of doing a hc post next.... unsure hm, we’ll see ^_^!!
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“I’m hooooome.” He says loudly as he steps through the apartment door, setting his briefcase down and taking off his beige coat. Putting down the grand kitchen knife she was using to chop up spinach, she rushed to the door with a smile and engulfed the tall blonde into a tight hug, saying hello. She took a deep breath, inhaling the soft scent of his cologne, the smell of something sour and musty soon taking over. Her face scrunched up and she let out a giggle.
“Oh god, Nanami, you stink, what did you go against today?”
“Nothing too bad. Just a grade 3,” He sighed “A smelly grade 3.” He sounded disappointed, probably because he knew he stunk too. Though the smell was horrendous, she still remained in his arms and he still held on just as tight.
“Are you tired? I was thinking of making dinner with you tonight but if you’re too tired I can-”
“No no. I’m fine. Just let me wash up and I’ll help out.”
“You sure?” She asked looking up towards him, questioning once more to reassure. He looked down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.
“I’m sure, dear.”
While he showers upstairs, she gets back to readying the ingredients so they could begin cooking their masterpiece as soon as possible. Tonight she had chosen chicken alfredo with a tossed salad; One could say it was her favourite, but saying that would imply that she would eat it when cooked and served by whomever. But to her, she would only eat it when it was him who had made it for her.
Y/n adored him. He adored her. To her, he was her light. She could simply not imagine life without him, not after he had come in and changed her in such a way. She never in a million years would have thought to be so in love with someone. To have known someone who cared enough to hear all about her day or listen to all her tangents, whether they made sense or not. Who listened to her talk forever about anything just so he could see the faint glow of passion in her eyes. Someone who remembered the small details in regards to the things she loved and the things she despised; Like how she hated the feeling of peanut butter on her fingers and how she absolutely admired the scent of fresh pages in a new book. Sometimes, she felt undeserving of him.
He admired her like no other. Never did he believe he’d be capable of opening up to anyone in such a way, at least not until she walked into his life. He could write a million lists, all full of everything he loved about her. The way she smiled cheekily at him after a witty remark, how she'd give every hug as if it was the last, the way she was oh so patient with him. It took him time to become vulnerable in the slightest, he just didn’t know how to do so without burdening her. She knew his job was hard, he’d told her. But rather than running away like he expected, she stayed with him right by his side. She refused to leave him over that. If anything, it made her want to stay more since she felt the need to be there for him. It felt like a punch to the gut but a good one. “So, is this love?” He had asked himself then. Nanami had someone who brought out the much more joyful side to him. At the end of the day, he knew he’d walk through the front door only to see her, arms wide open and with a big smile offering a cozy hug. She was his home. Sometimes, he felt undeserving of her.
Putting the final piece of broccoli into the container, she tidies any clutter and went back to their shared bedroom. Sinking into the bed and falling on it with a plush thump, she lets out a deep sigh mixed with some sort of a groan. She herself was exhausted from work too to say the least. She didn’t deal with curses or anything like that, but she did teach a class of 9 year olds which one could consider just as frustrating. Yawning, she checks her phone to read the time: 6:15 PM. Nanami hadn’t been in the shower for too long, a small nap wouldn’t hurt. Quickly, she settled for a little 30 minute nap. That way, she could get up soon enough to help him out in the kitchen and not abandon him to do everything on his own. She turns her phone off and slowly, her eyes shut.
Y/n slowly opens her eyes and notices a grey throw blanket placed on her, something that she doesn’t recall going to bed with earlier. “Must’ve been Nanami.” Grabbing her phone, she turns the screen on, wincing at the incredible blue light piercing into her skull. “Fuck.” she mumbles. Once her eyes adjust, she glances back at the screen for the time: 7:30.
“FUCK,” she says, voice croaking “I overslept.” With the speed of light, she leaves bed and runs down the hall to the bathroom to freshen up. She soon makes her way over to the kitchen silently, slightly ashamed and guilty. Y/n mumbles a whine with a frown, “He’s probably done making things now. I could have helped.”
The kitchen is filled with the delicate scents of sauces, cheese and herbs. She watches him from the door frame, admiring her boyfriend. He stood in front of the stove mixing at the sauce for the alfredo, which scent alone made her mouth water. Nanami seems to be in his own world, as he stands humming to himself softly, stirring the pot of sauce and adding in the broccoli and spinach, not seeming to notice y/n. With a final stir, he carefully sets the lid and turns to rinse his hands. Her gaze sits upon his figure, how his grey oversized shirt slightly clings to his shoulders and loosens as it goes down his body. Looking down, she noticed the bright red christmas pyjamas he had on, the ones with adorable little reindeers all over them. Grinning, she remembers how she had bought those for him. She purchased a matching set for the two of them and insisted on wearing them all day on Christmas last year. Nanami had responded to the idea with a stern “No” which left y/n in shambles. She didn’t expect him to agree, but hey, a girl can dream. However, on Christmas day, lo and behold, she had woken up to find Nanami sitting on the couch, watching the news with his reindeer PJs on. Immediately, she had attacked him with hugs and kisses and all Nanami did was sit there and accept them, secretly loving it the whole time.
A deep voice throws her out of her thoughts. “You know, it’s rude to stare, right?”
Y/n chuckles quietly and makes her way over, wrapping her arms around him from behind, snuggling into his back.
“I like to stare at you, you’re cute,” she breathes in his scent once again, “ah, you smell so much better now. Like the nami I know.”
“I am not cute. I am a grown man.”
“C’mon, you can’t possibly be saying that right now. Not while you’re wearing these pants.” She coos, gently patting his butt. He goes silent, refusing to rebuttal knowing that he’s lost. He leans against the counter, his front facing her. Though he didn’t say anything, y/n sees this as an open invite to his arms. The rope of his arms finds her waist this time, her arms in an embrace around his neck.
“Whatever, tell me, how was your day, hm?” He posed, changing the subject.
“Same old, yenno. The kids and I had a discussion today about drugs and safety. It was cute, hearing them rat out their neighbours for smoking cigs and talk about how yucky they thought alcohol is. It was… sweet. How was work for you, hon?”
“Shit.” He retorts, closing his eyes, “Work is shit.”
“Oh come ON, I’m sure it’s not always that bad, right? Say, how’s your friend doing, you know, the one who kinda looks like one of my makeup brushes! Isn’t he good company?”
“Yeah, if good company means having to deal with a nuisance to society on a daily basis then by all means, yes, Gojo is wonderful company.” He joked, loosening his grip on her and making his way over to the stove to check on his sauce. She follows, opening the first drawer and pulling out a silver spoon, “You’re so mean sometimes. I think he’s a great guy to be around! I met him once, such a flirt.”
He teases calmly, “If you love him so much, why don’t you get with him?”
Taking her spoon, she lowers it into the pot and brings it back up to her face, blowing on it carefully before she puts it to her lips to taste. “Hmm, I would. But I don’t think he’s as big as you. I’ll have to pass.” She smirked, putting the spoon into her mouth as he watched and sighed in disappointment.
He glares,“God, you’re something else.”
“I’m just kidding, babe.” Bringing her spoon down for another taste. He swats at her hand and she retreats it with a whine. “Don’t do that. You’ve tried it already, and will again when we get to eat.” He scolded tenderly, “Plus, you shouldn’t be given these privileges anyway. It’s not like you helped out or anything.” He smiled, teasing her.
“Nanamiiii, I’m sorry,” she whines, half laughing, “I promise, I was going to help! I just got a little bit sleepy and sort of lost track of time…” He turned over to her and lifted her face with a finger under her chin. Laughing, he delicately caresses her cheek, tapping it admirably with a curled finger. The blonde chuckles and looks her in the eyes, “I’m just joking with you, love. I know you’ve been tired lately, I can tell. Why haven’t you been resting?”
Her smile falls and she sighs. Y/n wrapped her arms around his waist and brought him into her, hiding her face into his chest. It was true, she was exhausted but she didn’t deem it to be anything so serious. Work was just heavy this past week from having to grade her students’ work in time for report cards. All she wanted was the best for her kids and was finding ways to get the kids out of their comfort zones enough to do well in class. That reminded her, Nanami also mentioned having a student of his own.
She takes her face out of his chest and glances upwards. “It’s just this week of work, I promise I’ll be back to normal soon. I’ve just been busy with lesson plans and activities, yenno. Anyway, speaking of students, how’s the one you’ve been assigned to?” She posed in a soft tone. Half smiling, he turned around to add the strained pasta to the sauce, scattering it into the pot.
“He’s special. Quite lively. And cheerful. He reminds me of you sometimes,” his voice strains as he stretches to grab the bowl of cooked chicken to finally add into the pot, finishing the meal, “He’s got potential.” Y/n beamed with happiness. Nanami really seemed to like this kid and if he thought you had potential, then it sure as hell meant you had it.
She lets out a squeal, “EEEEEEK!!! That sounds amazing! I’m so happy for you!” Nanami suppressed a laugh and rolled his eyes, “It’s not that-”
“This calls for a drink, don’t you think?” She babbled with excitement, “We should have some wine! Right?”
Grabbing her wrist as she skipped her way over to the bottle, he reminded her, “You have school tomorrow. You always end up having more than needed and struggle to wake up in the morning.” Y/n frowned at his words, to which he noticed and tried to fix, “Tomorrow’s Friday, you can drink plenty tomorrow, hm? I’ll drink with you.”
“Ugh, fine. You’re right. But you have to promise.”
“I promise you ca-”
“No! You have to pinky-promise.” She demanded, pouting as he stuck out her pinky finger.
His heart skips a beat. Was she always this cute? Her angelic eyes stare into his tired ones. Bottom lip poking out, awaiting Nanami’s pinky to interlock with her own. He knew she took pinky-promises very seriously despite her grown age. It was among one of the many petty details that he cherished. Something about this pinky-promise was enough for her to ensure trust onto someone, it made him laugh. Her naivety is what made her so kind hearted, what allowed her to see the best in people. He felt that this naivety is why they’re together to begin with. He didn’t ever think she’d give him a chance. He reminisced of their first few encounters. The way she did her hair back then, the way she dressed, her shy smile and how she’d look at the floor whenever she’d blush. Maybe it was her timid nature that made him fall head over heels for her. Or maybe it was her generosity. Perhaps her beauty. He was unable to simply confine the reasoning for his infatuation with just a few traits. She grew overtime, more comfortable and less shy, she was more confident around him but he knew he could still make her blush so badly that she’d have to hide her face from him. He enjoyed their banter, her company. He felt it was luck. Or maybe it was fate. Who knows. He didn’t want to think so much about it. He wanted to live in the moment, adore her in this present time. In that instance, he felt the strong urge to kiss her. And so he did.
The kiss was short and sweet, yet full of an unfathomable amount of love. It took her aback, she didn’t quite see it coming. She too stood in the present moment, then and there, cherishing the man she loved.
His lips leave hers and he extends the smallest finger on his hand, declaring, “I pinky-promise.” And a ginormous grin washes over her face. In a whisper, she squeals and scoops her arms around his torso, resting her head onto his chest. They stay like this for a while, not too long really, but to them it felt like an eternity being in each other’s affectionate embrace. He goes to speak and she feels the vibrating boom of his voice make his way up from his chest.
“I love you.”
She sighs, “I love you too.”
Turning her head, y/n smoothly gets on her tip toes and clasps her arms around his neck, giving it a tender kiss and attempting to make a trail leading up to his sharp jaw. Catching onto her tactics he laughs, putting his big hand against her face and pushing her back.
“Seriously?” He chuckles, “You couldn’t wait till after dinner? Come on, take out the plates.”
“Wait for what? I was just kissing you! You’re so dramatic, Nami.” She lies, playing innocent. She knew damn well what she was trying to do. She wasn’t going to admit to it though. Taking out the plates and utensils, she readied the table.
After dinner and meaningless conversation, the two lovers tidied and headed towards their room. “Do yo wana wah a mohee tomowwow nie?” Y/n proposed from the bathroom as she brushed her teeth. He perks his head up, confused, “Do I want to what?” She spat into the sink and rinsed her mouth, repeating her question.
“I said, do you wanna watch a movie tomorrow night? Like at home? There’s this documentary I saw on Netflix, it looks really good! It’s crime related.”
“That sounds fine with me. Though, that’s only possible if you don’t end up drinking too much. I always have to get you to sleep early when you drink.” He states nonchalantly, nose poked into a thick book. She rolls her eyes and smiles, “I promise I won’t drink all that much.” Shifting his book to the opposing hand, Nanami silently takes his pinky finger and holds it out to y/n. She snickers and reciprocates.
“You’ve now pinky-promised. Don’t break it, y/n.”
“I never do.”
The nightstand lamp illuminates the room with a soft yellow glow. Shadows of objects on the nightstand hang on the walls. Laying in bed on her phone, y/n turns over to Nanami, who was still reading his book. “Nami, come lay next to me, I wanna cuddle. Please?” Her voice faint. He looks down at her and puts his book away immediately. He could use a cuddle too. Bringing himself down, he lays on his back, y/n closing the gap between the two. Their legs intertwine, her arm and head resting on his chest while one of his hands rested on her bum, the other dotingly playing with her hair. Neither of them spoke a word for a while. Until y/n broke the silence.
“So, were there no other pairs of pants you had left to wear or-”
“Please, be quiet.”
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things i actually liked about season four, for the sake of fairness:
all of eve and villanelle’s interaction post-4x01, which i will cling to my heart and cherish forever (i still don’t get their weirdly confrontational 4x01 scene, okay! though villanelle going down on her knees to ~pray for eve~ was pretty classically hilarious/very them.)
villanelle and carolyn in havana :(
the karaoke scene/flashback to eve’s lost loved ones
related note: that yusuf told her to “wear something sparkly” and then she wore the outfit she wore. sometimes i feel like i’ll miss eve’s wardrobe the most of all. finally, a woman on tv with a commitment to comfy style.
in that vein! eve’s cute going-undercover-as-a-student look with the glasses
martin the psychiatrist and his absolutely wonderful presence!!!!!! (spinoff?? i would watch that one, absolutely.) and both eve and v’s therapy session scenes.
konstantin’s relentlessly konstantin energy
pam, thanks to the wonderful anjana vasan
i liked yusuf for being cute and charming (while simultaneously finding him underwritten to the point of pure bafflement. like. how did he and eve even meet? where did he come from? who is he????? i still kinda feel like they should have used another male character from the past -- hugo? danny sapani’s character? -- just so they wouldn’t have to actually explain who this dude was and why he was around, which they didn’t really anyway.)
the little character note that villanelle had memorized a ton of biblical verses etc. i think the show didn’t always focus on the fact that she was basically a genius, and so i liked that nod to the fact that she’s very sharp with a lot of attention to detail when she’s into something.
villanelle going on a killing spree of abusive husbands on behalf of their wives. YEAH!
i am not a helene fan but the eve and helene deconstruction-of-sexy-bathtime moment was pretty classic
eve stalking villanelle online in i think it was 4.02 during v’s churchy nelle era. i always searched for a gifset of this moment and could never find one!
the absolutely bonkers energy of gunn’s island living (and the aesthetic and scenery was great)
eve getting undercover sloppy wine drunk with that the 12 target lady
i was not a fan of the villanelle jesus thing overall (it just felt a little too loopy, even for this show), but i DID appreciate that villanelle made out with her jesus self, just for the lolz
villanelle had really great hair the whole time
and so did eve, OBVIOUSLY!
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itsberrisa · 3 years
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Enough For You
WARNING: PLEASE READ A/N AT END! sorry if this fic sucks, it’s my first one lolz. This is more leaned to a fem!reader. It also has a bit dream x reader but the main focus is awesamdude! Enjoy :D
I wore makeup when we dated
'Cause I thought you'd like me more
Being with Clay should’ve made me feel loved. He was tall, funny, smart, and somehow knew how to put a smile on everyone’s face with his laughter booming in any room he was in. I don’t know where it all went wrong and why I couldn’t fix it.  
“___” He said. I looked up from my phone. He moved his head off my lap and sat up straight and shoved his phone up to my face, “___” He started again, “Do you think she’s pretty?” I looked at the photo he had pulled up, it was some girl I was unfamiliar with, “Yeah, I guess” I said while looking away from his phone and trying to go back to the game I was on. “Do you like her style?” He slowly moved his phone away from my face. “Yeah, it's nice” I wasn’t sure why he was asking me this about some girl on the internet. “ I like her style too, maybe she can give you some inspiration to maybe try to look decent.” 
‘What the hell does that mean?’ I shifted more away from him subtly, “What’s wrong with how I dress now?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders, “I just think you could try to at least look more put together when we go out.” I turn my eyes down away from him now absorbed in my thoughts. Did he really just say that? He got up and stretched out his arms, “Alright, well, I’m gonna get going, I gotta meet the guys in 10 minutes.” “But I thought tonight was gonna be our movie night?” I got up and crossed my arms while following him towards the door. “Come on, ___, We’ll do it another night” He quickly put on his jacket and bent down and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “See ya.” 
The next second, you were gone
And you left me there cryin', wonderin' what I did wrong
I knew I shouldn’t have come to the event. Seeing him there felt like I was drowning. His arm was wrapped around the same girl that was on his phone that night. She was beautiful, her hand found itself clinging onto his bicep, her laugh was even perfect. I had cried for the past few weeks and here he was, having a blast with the pretty girl in his arms and his boys beaming up at him. 
“___.” I turned around quickly and saw it was Sam. His signature smile was beaming at me and he had a red solo cup in his left hand and his right was in the air waving towards me. I quickly try to force a smile upon my face as he approaches me.
“Hey Sam, Happy Birthday” I said while giving him his gift and giving him a side hug. “I didn’t think you were gonna show” He said while wrapping his hand around my shoulders and moving us back into the house. 
“Well you’re my best friend Sam, even Clay couldn’t make me miss this.” His hand slowly moves away from its place on my shoulders. 
“Hey, I’m sorry about that, it’s just he’s also my friend and I did-” I quickly cut Sam off with the wave of my hand and set my gift down on the island countertop. 
“Sam, really it’s fine. It’s been 3 weeks okay, I’m fine, I just want to celebrate you and your birthday today.” Sam looks down at me and sets his solo cup down. I look away from him and towards the window’s that give us a view of the party outside. 
“He’s a dick, ___. You didn’t deserve him.” Sam says while reaching out to interlock our fingers. I look up at him, tears making their way to my eyes. 
“I just wanted to be enough for him” I say while a quiet sob comes out of me. I quickly find myself trapped in Sam’s hold. It felt nice being held like this, it was different from Clay’s hold. Sam was stroking my hair and giving my shoulder a small gentle squeeze. I felt secure like nothing could hurt me again.  
‘Cause someday I'll be everything to somebody else
And they'll think that I am so exciting
And you'll be the one who's crying
It’s been a clean 2 months since Clay and I called it quits. I’ve found myself going out more with Sam. He was nice to be around. He always found a way to put a smile on my face even when I was sobbing my eyes out to Taylor Swift. He sat down and watched the Twilight Saga movies on repeat with me and didn’t complain once. Sam made me feel things, things I never felt with Clay. I didn’t know how to deal with these emotions and I didn’t feel like rushing anything anytime soon. 
“Hey ___, I forgot the bananas but I hope strawberries can be sufficient enough for your ice cream” Sam’s voice booms in my apartment. I quickly got out of my room and met him in the kitchen. 
“Thank you again, Sam. You really don’t need to do this for me. Or anything really.” I say with my arms crossed and slowly moving towards the groceries to put them away. 
Sam laughs and helps take things out of the bag. “___, If you asked me to get rid of the sun because it was bothering you, I would.” I laugh at the thought of Sam trying to get rid of the sun. He stops and looks at me, 
“_____, I’m serious. I’d do anything for you.” I stopped at what I was doing and looked at him.  
“What” I said softly. He moves towards me, replacing the yogurt that was in my hands and sets it down gently while grabbing both of my hands. 
“___, These past few months I’ve tried so hard not to fall for you, but I can’t. You don’t have to say anything but I like you. A lot. I love the way you never get tired of watching those movies, the way you scrunch your nose while looking at the street cats we pass by on our walks, or the way you compliment people even if they tell you to shut up.” 
I look down at our hands, “Sam, I like you too, but-”
He looks away from my eyes and slowly lets go, “Ah, fuck, I screwed it all up” 
I grab his hands again, “BUT, I want to take this slow. Sam, you are the only thing in my life that has stayed consistent and I can’t lose that.” 
He looks back at me and smiles. “I can go slow” I scrunch my nose up at him and smile. 
 No, nothing's enough for you
Sam and I finally committed to a full relationship. It only took us 5 months but, we were happy, no, WE ARE happy. I was not only enough for Sam, but I was enough for myself. Clay still tries to contact me, but I realized no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t fix him, only he can do that. I’m perfectly satisfied with my life and I can only hope he’s satisfied with his life too. 
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A/N: AHHHHHHH my first fic! I’m so nervous on how everyone is going to react, this is based off the song ‘Enough For You” by Olivia Rodrigo. Wow, my first fic and its also a song fic. Let’s see how long it will take me to archive this post ahhhhhhhh! Also sorry but the fic has more of a lean to a fem!reader, I’ll try hard to make gn!reader but I don’t want to overstep my boundaries if it makes anyone uncomfortable!! I also don’t know if I overstepped any dsmp member boundaries, I tried my best not to do anything controversial. 
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angelyuji · 4 years
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Can we get a single parent reader with Spencer reid. kidnapped hcs.
hiii!! thank you for requesting! by now, im guessing everyone knows that i can’t post anything fast lolz so thanks for waiting too <3
tw // kidnapping, yandere behavior, stalking, bad grammar and spelling mistakes, conditioning, manipulation
ok so u have a c h i l d, lets say around 3 or 4 yrs old
you work at a bookstore that spencer frequents and he talks to you consistently
hes so in love with you omg
you know so many books and ur so smart and so beautiful :(
he sees you with your kid one day and holy shit hes a goner
spencer  a d o r e s children like hes so good with them
so when he sees you w/ ur kid, he knows ur the one
he comes everytime hes free and trys to ask you out on a date
u pretend like you don’t know what hes talking abt
he was abt to give up and just kidnap u when he got an idea
he knows you love your kid and youd anything for them too
so he gets to know the kid and grows closer to them every time he comes to the bookstore
*cough* every week *cough*
as he tries to grow closer to the kid (he succeeds)
and once he gains the kid’s trust, he’ll pick the kid up from school and go back to his apartment
basically kidnap your child
you’ll go to pick up your kid and bam you find out a tall nerd picked him already
you go to visit spencer and you walk into the apartment and see spencer with his back turned to you
“spencer, where’s my baby?”
“don’t get angry”
“spencer, where is my baby?!”
“if u scream, i’ll hurt him”
of course spencer would never, but you don’t know that
spencer uses your child as leverage to make sure you stay with him
very protective of your kid, always making sure they’re happy
won’t hesitate to threaten to take away your child to make sure you listen tohim
“why do you keep asking me this? i said no.”
“please let us go, spencer”
“do you want me to take away _____?”
“NO, pls no”
“then stop asking and go cook dinner.”
very manipulative with your kid
“why is my mommy/daddy crying, mr.reid”
“y/n is just so happy to spend time with as a family, ______.
“mr. reid, that doesn’t seem right.”
“how many times have i told you to call me dad?”
“but you’re-”
“_____, i am your father, i take care of you and feed you and make sure you and your mom are safe. just like a father does.”
hes so desperate to show that he’s not like his own dad and that he won’t leave u
so some days he gets so angry at your disobedience that he can’t help but punish u
“PLS SPENCER NO.” spencer drags you off into the empty room.
your child wails as spencer pulls you away
“SHUT UP” your child quiets as spencer locks you in the room. your muffled sobs filling the apartment.
“y/n, this is your punishment.” spencer says, “ill bring you dinner later, baby.”
spencer forces your child to believe that this is normal
that the way he treats you is fine
then your kid soon starts to act like him too
it took me 20 minutes to fix the bulletpointing cries anyway ewwww i feel so gross writing this. honestly the way im writing spencer in this gives me very much incel vibes but idk. i have two more requests to finish and one non-request to finish so look out for that!! i don’t know a gender neutral term for mom/dad so i just used a slash but hope you enjoyed anyway
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aiwobonappetit · 2 years
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gender crisis natsuki headcanon is confirmed now by me 😏 [explodes]i live to give him euphoria about his everything he deserves it 
*pic is there so i can find this post later when i need it 
me having nightly rabies under the cut 
so. yeah. why am i writing this all out? important ball ofc. 
tbh i just put more thought into how he processes his gender expression and experience and how he decided to just declare it himself. crying rn /j 
let me just. 
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“ Mmm...I don't think it fits either.* I'm sorry, honey... I still feel like there's something in me that I want to express, whether it's through my clothes, my style, or even music. It's just...not only a manly feeling. “
*me asking him about how he feels about the label ‘agender’
“But I also loving feeling manly! Dad's taught me a lot about it and it still feels like an important part of me. But sometimes, I wonder what it's like to be something else. Like a switch! But also- the flip is quite slow and just depends on how I feel...”
“I'm sorry if that sounds confusing...”
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“I'm just...I'm so happy! I didn't know you could be more than one thing at a time, or even nothing at all! I definitely feel like I'm a man and something else! But those two things exist together and not as separate identities...They're all me!“
-
ur probably thinking. [this fucking idiot bitch baby is putting too much effort into gender headcanon fucking LOSER whips and nae naes] (/lh) and yeah maybe i AM putting too much thought into smth a lot of ppl do for fun (idk how other ppl do this stuff but WHATEVER #LOLZ) 
im all or nothing w/ headcanons. and no-label [i do what feels right] natsuki is just. good. its great even! i lied, ITS WONDERFUL 
im doing it more out of a place of [i want natsuki to be happy as his true self because i know his mind is so expansive and reaches beyond social norms] rather than [i dont know what i am so i’ll project it onto my comfort character] (tho that is a good chunk of the catalyst for this) 
i know its not a big deal 🙄 but i dont want to throw this around lightly. identity is very important to the three of us and helping natsuki figure himself out in anything is smth i handle with extreme care and caution. i dont want to make him feel like he has to skip steps or do it a certain way. 
there was a very real warm-up and introduction to the idea and im very happy he was able to choose for himself in my mind instead of me pointing my finger and going “yes because i say so” i need the rational and realistic buildup of events and its reached its conclusion. ppl hc their f/os as x and y and z for their own reasons in their own ways. this is mine. 
i love natsuki always and if he changes then im right by him. i want him to love the body he’s in and the personality he blesses me everyday with. he’s my everything. 
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pebblysand · 3 years
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OF CRYSTAL ROSES (EXTENDED AUTHOR’S NOTE OF CHAPTER VI. OF CASTLES)
-- TO READ THE CHAPTER ITSELF, SEE HERE ON AO3 --
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well, well, well. here we are. spoiler alert, gryffindors make plans they don’t stick to, lolz. all the good intentions in the world, i had. study, i said i would. yet, here were find ourselves, eighteen thousand words later. this appears to be how i roll. slept about five hours last night, too, so apologies if i’m slightly non-sensical/rambly. this chapter ought to be sponsored by deliveroo and teapigs tea, a brand of tea that appeared in my local supermarket a few moths ago and that i steadily refused to buy because - can tea really be worth this much? low and behold, once you’ve tried it once, it appears to be addictive. i’ve, while writing this chapter, worked my way through about four packs of their different teas - they are just this good. i have a job interview tomorrow so wish me luck in gaining employment which will hopefully fund my expensive habits.
now, before we get into the nitty gritty of the chapter, itself, i just needed to say this: i cannot thank everyone enough for the incredible response on last chapter. i’d kind of grown accustomed to getting a couple of reviews for each of them and to writing in my little corner of the internet but boy, you guys are bloody legends! i am so overwhelmed with gratitude for everyone who commented, kudo-ed and generally gave love to this fic in general. i really didn’t expect such a response and it’s meant the world to me. i think it’s probably also the reason why i’m posting so early because i kept being like, god, i can’t leave this many people waiting in this cliffhanger hell. i think this chapter ends on a more positive note (although, i’ll let you judge), one that might be more conducive of a few weeks’ wait (more on that below), haha.
this being said, as i explained on here before, i come from very tiny fandoms where basically everyone knows each other and the number of people reading would usually fit in my flat. the fact that over 80 people are now subscribed to this fic just blows my fucking mind. you’re all magnificent and i love you. i try to respond to all the comments so let’s keep chatting if you feel like it (although, no pressure - comment if you want to, but do know that it makes me very happy when you do :)). you’re all fabulous and i wish you all the best!
anyway, spoilers for castles, chapter vi under the cut.
guys, guys, guys, i am so tired. i’ve spent four days editing almost 20,000 words and my brain is fried. but, we are officially at the halfway point of this story, yaaaay!!! my plan, at this point, is that we’ll have six chapters on each side but even if i do end up splitting this one later (more on this below) i’ll end up with seven chapters on each side so either way - yay to the end of act 1!
i think that’s also why i tried to turn this chapter around this quickly. to me, i always kind of saw this fic as having two parts. part 1: the immediate post-war aftermath with the heartache and the love-fast/burn-fast start to harry/ginny. part 2: a slow and actually healthy rebuild of their relationship, and of the world around them. i have genuinely been writing towards that last harry/ginny scene in this chapter for months. it feels like such a relief to finally have that weight off my shoulders. and i actually do think it’ll allow me to focus on study later. act one is finished, and act two can wait a bit, i suppose.
now, obviously, given that i already apologised last time, part of me still wants to apologise for the length of this chapter, even more so, actually. it sits at about 18,000 words which, by nanowrimo’s standards, is over a third of a full book, wtf. yet, you guys also said last time that you didn’t actually mind long chapters, so perhaps i shouldn’t beat myself up too much?
as i said in the a/n, this is a little bit of different set up than chapter v. though. i know exactly where to split this. as you’ve probably seen by now, there’s a very natural split point after harry has his breakdown on the couch with ginny, before Christmas properly "starts." the reason i didn’t split this one there, though is: a) selfish: i needed to get this out. stop working on it. i need to study. when it’s out, i’m not thinking about it anymore. it would have been a bit non sensical to split this just for the sake of it and post two chapters at once, which means i probably would have held onto the second part for another couple of weeks, and fuck that. additionally, b) you may not have noticed this but: the chapter titles rhyme. why did i bring this additional difficulty upon myself, i do not fucking know. especially because i will soon run out of one-word construction materials to draw from, lol. as a result, though, i need an even number of chapters to close out this story and because i’m sort of planning six chapters from now to the end (more on that below) i can’t really split this one right now. like, if i end up with another overlong chapter in the next few months, i probably will take that opportunity and go back and split this one, just for readability. but at this stage, at this stage, because i don’t know how many chapters i’ll have for act two (six or seven), i’m keeping this chapter like this for the time being. i kind of hope i end up with seven chapters on the other side and am able to split this one down the line, but we will see. in the meantime, my most sincere apologies to the folks who read fanfiction before bed and it’s now 4 am by the time you’ve finished this. i’ve been there before, believe me.
from a personal standpoint, though, i have to say, this chapter (compared to the last one) was incredibly easy to write. i think i’d spent so much time imagining and writing these scenes in my head as kind of a culminating point for the first half of the story, that it quite simply poured out. i did have a little bit of an everything is shit crisis yesterday and today, but sure look, that always happens. overall, i am quite happy - i think - with the end result.
now, when i say "easy to write" i mean, technically, easy to find words to write down what was in my head. i do not mean: easy to write on an emotional level. oh boy. i’m generally not a crier. i have been asked, a number of times, by people who said my writing made them cry: do you cry when you write, too? and my answer was always ‘no’. i don’t judge, but i’m just not that kind of person. i know people who cry every day but personally, we are in the middle of a pandemic, my father recently passed away, i’ve lost my job and am studying for an exam my life is pretty dependent upon, and i haven’t cried in months. yet, i swear, there were a couple of times, both writing this and editing it, when i had to step away from the screen because i could feel a lump in my throat. that had never happened to me before. i didn’t, like, bawl or anything but god i felt it. i don’t know if it’s because it’s my first time killing an oc, someone who was really mine but boy. giulia. i kept trying to find ways not to kill her, or apologising to her. to me, she’s tom’s last victim and that really, fucking hurts. if you’re hurting too, i don’t really know what to tell you. i’m sorry, i suppose. her death was needed for … plot purposes, lol. god, i’m the worst haha.
re:harry/ginny: i must say i really like where they end up, at the end of this. i had planned this to a certain extent. i was always under the impression that they would talk over christmas, but not get back together. however, the reason why they weren’t getting back together, in my head, was initially quite different. i initially didn’t have ginny dating someone else. i think i mentioned i was toying with the idea in the a/n for last chapter, but at the time i wasn’t truly sold on it. then, i ended up writing the scene i’d originally planned for them and it didn’t quite fit. what i’d planned, at the time, felt rather ooc for ginny when actually on paper. on the other hand, harry, under my fingertips, kept trying to kiss her and i kept hitting the delete button. i swear, i know it sounds weird to people who might not be writers but sometimes, your characters really do seem to have their own agendas. when i caved, let him kiss her, then the scene took on a different meaning, and, i hope, a better one. i think something clicked there and it feels like a good place for act one to end. obviously, they’ll get back together cause this follows cannon so you know, not much suspense there. it’s more about the how than the what, to me.
re:ginny’s letters: this idea came to me a while ago, actually. i was thinking that they’d need to talk about what happened last year, but i was kind of struggling on the how. having character a tell a story to character b is always a bit difficult, in writing, because it can quickly end up being boring. like, when ginny tells harry about christmas last year and lupin, in this chapter, telling that in dialogue is already rather long an laborious, and it’s overall such a short story. for harry, it’s easy. i’m in his head so he can just say ‘he told her about the hallows’ and the dialogue can be about their reaction, rather than the events itself. but ginny, she needs to share facts, as well as feelings. and doing that through long monologues just didn’t appeal. first, it’s quickly boring and second, it’s also kind of ooc. she’s not giulia, you see.
i did entertain the idea of completely skimming past it. ‘she told him about last year and he was horrified.’ - moving on. but, i don’t know, that didn’t feel quite right either, because i think they need to exchange, and talk, and that just felt like a copout. also, to be honest, it’s a very difficult story to tell. like, i’ve seen people in fics being like ‘so, harry sat down all of the weasleys and told them everything the trio did in seventh year,’ and i’m like that’s so difficult, though. sitting someone down and telling them all about your trauma, with little preamble, just setting it all out there, i can’t imagine ginny (or, frankly, most people) actually doing that, you know? we reveal bits of ourselves bit by bit, not all at once.
then, it hit me: she’s a writer, isn’t she? at least, she is canonically in first year, with not only the diary but also the poems, then writing for the prophet. obviously, the diary thing would have riled her up a bit but i do think in the end, she would probably have been like: no, i won’t let him take writing away from me, you know? so yeah, letters. daily letters. you won’t see all of them in next chapter, but probably quotes from the most important ones, things that harry reads. that’s where he gets his facts about her story last year, and then they can focus on their feelings about it. fab! something to look forward to, haha.
now, re: the future. as i said, we are entering act two. act two will gradually become more "fun" and fluffy, i suppose, but i won’t lie, we will be keeping the same happy/sad vibe that a lot of you have commented on with this fic. it exists for a reason (as i said, life is about sex, but it’s also about funerals). as i said before, this fic is, above all, an exploration of what ‘all was well’ actually means.
this being said, this isn’t an 8th year fic. there is a very specific future pov from which this fic is being narrated, and that’s in october 2027 (i know, precise). obviously i have 28 years to get through in act two so that will affect the way that the timeline is designed. it will obviously be more spread out, especially in the later chapters. this being said, while i have about a million of ideas for all the space in between and a very clear view of what the last chapter will be, the exact layout of each chapter is still slightly blurry. i haven’t sat down to put all my ideas in chronological order yet, as well as into some sort of chapter structure, which is also why i can’t really tell if it’ll be six or seven chapters in the end. all of this to say, there’s still quite a bit of work to be done.
this means that, as i said in the a/n, i don’t think you’ll get next chapter until at least, may. please don’t think that this means i’ll be abandoning this fic or anything, it’s just that i’ll be doing work you probably won’t see. i’m probably going to take the rest of march off writing to study (bar maybe a roar-series Harry&Hermione friendship one shot? maybe) then take april to plan and write as much of the next chapters i possibly can. ideally, by the end of april i can have a first draft of the whole thing. i desperately want to write as much as i can now that I’m jobless in the hopes that when i do find a job (again, interview tomorrow, pray for me), i can just have editing to do at the weekends. but we all know i relate to harry on a very deep level when he says ‘when have our plans ever worked, anyway?’ so we will see, haha.
anyway, these were all the thoughts off the top of my head, re: this chapter. if you have any questions or other things you’d like me to ramble about, feel free to send in questions, my ask box is always open. i know i probably think about this fic (and hp) way too much but i’m an extrovert and my hobbies used to include travelling, pints at the pub, dating and, well, there’s none of that anymore, is there, lol? the uk has stolen our vaccines (fucking brexit) so here’s to being obsessed with fictional worlds i wish i could live in for a while longer,
i will now go and endlessly refresh my email for reviews and kudos, like the attention seeking basic bitch i am haha.
have a fab evening, everyone!
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jlf23tumble · 4 years
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This one’s for @homosociallyyours and @silverfoxlouis, the former because she’s not going to listen and the latter because they’re listening as we speak! I saw a post earlier that low-key annoyed me because it either misrepresented today’s Stern interview or it skipped right over the fascinating bits, so here are the parts I enjoyed (I won’t waste my time on the shit I hated, lol):
Shrooms and the song-writing process are related to Harry’s anxiety about fucking shit up and needing to get out of his own head; related: coming from a band, if there's something you don't like, you can tell yourself that it wasn’t your choice.
The Rob Stringer talk made me SIDE EYE w/r/t the delay, like, okay, you’re a label boss who’s gonna drop a ton of money, but you’re cool with telling the artist to just relax and take all the time they need, you’ll just pick up the thread when hs2 is completely finished, lolz (I have my own theories about allllll of that, but okay!).
I love Stevie and her coven of nocturnal witches, too, but tell me more about how she hated Harry’s choice of first single (in my heart, she wanted “Golden”) and the song that she thought should have been on the album but isn’t, god, she’s such a yoda, and this entire bit was so much bigger than the coven.
I live in Harry’s soft, breathy “thank you” whenever Howard praises SOTT.
I feel like all the White Eskimo talk is a fic waiting to happen, the whole battle of the bands and them winning studio time and how Harry talks to maybe one of them and there’s a guy who IS STILL IN WHITE ESKIMO I GUESS???? WHAT?
Howard Stern hatesssssssssssss Simon Cowell, so his attempts to get Harry to talk shit were both wonderful and expertly dodged, lmao. 
My only positive comment about the discussion around Harry “putting on some timber” during his bakery (cashier at a baker) years was how much it echoed Louis’s comment about “having extra timber” during one of his recent BTS specials.
Were the guys in One Direction REALLY saying that Matt Cardle was “so fucking good” back in the day? This junior statesman!
Ralph pointed this out when we were talking about the interview, but a lot of the time, Howard just makes statements (as per usual), and Harry says, “Right,” which is a great response because it isn’t really an answer, yet it’s still participatory.
Howard is obsessed with coronavirus, so it was hella interesting to hear Harry’s thoughts about it affecting his tour, when his tour is still so far away (yet another tour is so much closer and in the direct line of fire).
Howard (like me) was pleased that Harry’s band is a mix of women and men and not just dudes (I should take a drink every time Bowie is mentioned, like around Harry’s clothes, how Harry is starting his tour in Philadelphia, the entirety of that convo making me want to see Harry’s face as much as all the xarries want to).
One of the things I hated seeing earlier today was this notion that Howard “forced” Harry to talk about the robbery because he absolutely did not, Harry went into CRAZY levels of detail about it when Howard asked, “When did this happen to you?” (and the way Harry talked about it wasn’t full of trauma or sadness, it bordered on humorous in spots but still serious; it clearly shook him up, but he wasn’t about to let it change his life of feeling free to walk around at night). 
I wanted to hear a lot more about all the musicians hanging out in the ‘70s and being competitive in terms of who was writing the best songs about a particular party vs. the competitiveness of banging out the best single today. Harry’s focus was that if you say you like a song, people think you should collaborate…if two musicians hang out, they're dating or recording (like with Adele, and case in point, Howard immediately asked if they were working on something).
I also loved the bit about acting and how nervous Harry used to be about EVERYTHING because he’s waiting three hours to do three minutes, and he focuses so much on his voice or hands shaking, but this last SNL really helped (in my heart, his “little tweaks” were on the Sara Lee sketch).
I live in the guffaw from Harry whenever Howard unexpectedly hit his funny bone (like Harry saying Anne gave him some money to buy clothes when he first moved to London, and Howard saying it was good return on investment for her, what with the house Harry eventually bought her, etc.).
I absolutely LOVED the entire bit about Ben Winston’s attic (and Ralph’s related takes on it), the fine line of the plausibility yet the doubling down; the word “cocaine” coming out of Harry’s mouth; the parts about dating and keeping your relationship normal/secret, etc., GOLD, ALL OF IT. 
Harry, like Phoenix Mendoza, writes every day, which is part of why he wasn’t really into giving up his phone to muggers because that’s his writing zone of choice for lyrics and poems (the whole robbery clapback here: “for the purposes of not getting mugged again, no, they’re on a different device”).
MITCH SPEAKS!! He was into his Nick Drake phase when Harry met him, but apparently everyone is into the open D (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) chord, so he was a shoe-in. Also, Harry met Adam in 2010??? I’d like more information.
We move back into 1D territory with Zayn’s departure, which is still shittily handled but somewhat more maturedly discussed, and yet another attempt to get Harry to talk shit about Simon, which is getting us closer to what we want/need (Harry’s very real answer to Simon being pissed that Harry didn’t consult him about going solo: “I’m in a band since I was 16, there were five of us, we had a lot of managers, lots of people at the label, and all of these decisions affect your life in a massive way, every decision I made was a group call. I didn't know who I was as an adult,” and a lot of that is paraphrased in spite of the quote marks, but just know that I am screaming LIAM).
There’s a lot of weird downspeak to Sarah and Ny (Adam and Mitch were talked at earlier), but everyone’s very much into Sarah, and rightfully so. I loved the slip up where Howard is trying to figure out if there’s anything romantic going on between Harry and the female band members, and someone says, “Mitch!” so you can hear Howard process Harry and Mitch for a hot sec, cracking the Hitch dream, before we get clarification and Harry gleefully taking us into the story of their love. (Me as the speech Howard gives Sarah and Mitch about how dangerous it is to be in a band together and to have a relationship because if you fuck it up, it’ll be terrible.)
SLEDGEHAMMER NICE.
We get a bit into the “Adore You” video because Howard’s an animal softie, and he loves it (it’s downplayed, but Howard also mentions how fans have put a lot of “thoughts” into the fish), but then we get into talk about how this song is about the girl Harry’s banging (HIS SNICKER HERE) and how the common denominator in all of Harry’s failed relationships is him, huh. All of this relationship talk here makes me want to DIE with how much I love it.
Everyone focuses on the gross talk from Howard about Harry having a lady therapist (this is a long-standing Howard trope), but some good shit disappears between those cracks, like how Harry decided to go into therapy, how he’s keeping his LA therapist instead of having two in different countries, etc., and it’s actually Robin who asks Harry about seeming weak or vulnerable in front of a female therapist, but clearly, he’s not bothered.
I’m so interested in how the shrooms tongue-biting incident cured a speech impediment I wasn’t fully aware of but that is still so impossibly endearing.
Harry himself picks out his opening acts, which we already knew but is always nice to hear confirmed. 
The drug convo in text from earlier today makes it sound like he doesn’t smoke cigs, but to me, it seems like he doesn’t like to smoke weed (an edible king, relatable).
Harry says, “you’ve said it all,” which just makes me think he’s a long-time (or recent) Stern listener, because that’s what Howard says when he’s done/interview’s over.
We think it’s all done but the shouting, and then Robin gets into Harry’s clothing, which is where it gets dicey. Howard (of course) mentions that Bowie wore a skirt and how he himself did full drag on TV (“legs shaved and everything, you should see how gorgeous I am as a woman”), but Harry keeps it very much in the realm of what he wears is what he wears because it’s fun for him, he’s not wearing a school uniform or trying to look cool for his friends, he’s a lot more comfortable with himself: “At shows, I tell people to be who they want to be, I plan on telling my kids that, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’m not wearing it for shock value.” 
Howard says people will assume he’s gay or bi (like Bowie, YEAH, SIGH), but Harry says it’s not performative. This whole bit is fascinating on so many levels, he touches (without saying) on the entire queer-baiting issue, and it’s cringe-y, with Howard saying “I’m not criticizing, wear what you want, I’m a big mess, etc.”
Anyway, they pivot out of that with Howard moving beyond into asking Harry who he wants to badmouth: “Simon?” Harry: “This has been great!” and this entire bit about how Howard wants to know if Harry considers Simon a friend, and Harry saying he doesn’t talk to him gives me life. There’s a lot of gross talk about who Harry has his eye on for his next girlfriend, but I will tell you that I never in my life expected to hear the words SUSAN BOYLE thrown into this convo. 
The interview closes out with Harry getting progressively more silent about the women he should date, saying that he doesn’t talk in interviews about his love life, he talks in music (oh?????), so Taylor Swift comes up, and Harry says it’s flattering to think you’re in a Taylor song because she’s such a great songwriter, which, true, I guess?
Harry hasn’t used a dating app (duh), but Howard thinks he should create one, and…scene. 
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sillysnack · 2 years
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a lesbian? in MY story?
(i am literally a lesbian. of course there will be a lesbian.)
daily headcanon masterlist
day 11: feb. 10, 2022
— — — — — — — — — —
notes (this is kind of long lolz): lesbian isabela hc is something i do for my own comfort and any content re. that is for me only. also pride flags exist here + I’ve abolished the concept of homophobia #yahoo. its ok if u dont see her as lesbian idrc
also!!!!!! tagging @incorrectmadrigalfamilyquotes because this whole post is inspired by its post (x) like an extension of some sorts. idk. i needed to write
— — — — — — — — — —
Luisa and Mirabel enter Isabela’s room with a big smile on their faces. “We’ve got a joke.” Isabela looks up to her two sisters. “You two forgot to close the door, again... but, go ahead.”
“What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?” Isabela raises her hand. “Can I answer?” Luisa turns to Mirabel, who shrugs. “She’ll get it wrong anyways.”
“Lesbians!” Isabela beams with pride at her answer. The three are silent for a while. “I’m wrong, aren’t I?”
Mirabel takes a deep breath. “Yeah... the answer’s... broom-mates...”
“Ah.”
An awkward silence fills the room. “This isn’t the first time I get one of your jokes wrong, hello?” Luisa and Mirabel sit on Isabela’s bed, facing the dressing table in front of it, along with their sister. “Come on, you guys aren’t shocked, are you?”
Isabela shows her nails to her sisters, the fingernails on her left hand sported white nail polish in between two shades of orange and two shades of pink; while the right featured the colors of the Colombian flag (three nails painted yellow, the ring finger’s blue, and her pinky’s blue).
“Your nails are so gorgeous...” Mirabel holds Isabela’s hand and examines the colors. “Wait... these colors...” She looks at Isabela. “You’re a lesbian? Wait, why am I surprised? Why is this the first time I’m hearing of this?”
Isabela looks at Luisa. “You knew, right?” Luisa nods. “Since when?!”
Luisa holds Mirabel’s hand. “Don’t get mad, but... a few weeks.” Mirabel stands up and looks around Isabela’s room. “To think you don’t have a pride flag displayed here... I am sewing one right now!” She dashes to the door.
“Mirabel... come here.” Mirabel closes the door and turns to her elder sisters, Luisa awkwardly patting Isabela’s back and the eldest of the trio with tears in her eyes. Mirabel rushes to hug her sisters.
“Did I do anything wrong?” Isabela shakes her head, wiping her tears. “No. It’s just...” Isabela tries to cover her face with her arms she didn’t want her newly-done nails to get ruined. “It’s really sweet. Thank you. I know I was being pretty obvious with the fact I was lesbian but...
“I don’t know. You were so quick to decide you wanted to sew a flag for me and...” Isabela takes a deep breath. “Luisa has been really supportive too, even was my wingman once,” she laughs, “I’m really thankful for you two. I love you both, so much. The best sisters a lady can ask for.”
“Isa, you’re going to make me cry. I love you both so much.” Mirabel fans her face and she engulfs her sisters in a big hug. Someone knocks on the door. “Mis estrellas? I know you three are in there.” The trio quickly pull apart from the hug and wipe their tears as the door creaks open.
Julieta sees her daughters wiping their tears and swiftly walks toward them. “Are you three okay?” They all nod. “Mirabel found out I’m a lesbian.” Julieta turns to her youngest daughter, “Really? She’s told me weeks ago.” Mirabel nods. “Looks like everyone knew except for me. We had a little moment.”
Julieta smiles. “Well, I’m here if anything bad happens, okay? Tu mama siempre está aquí para ti.” (Your mama is always here for you.) Isabela nods. “We know, mama. Love you.”
“Ay, I was just going to tell you three that dinner’s ready! Now we’re just four women with tears in their eyes.” Julieta sighs and stands up. “Come on. We’re waiting for you.”
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My Cockles Crack Masterpost:
Hello, yes, did any of you need a little pick-me-up? I know I do. So I’ve collected for you all most of the Cockles crack that I’ve written. I left off collaborative pieces of crack and ones attached to long gifsets. But all the text posts (especially “Jensen vs. Jensen’s brain”) are all there. I’ll drop a cut somewhere since this baby is long but I hope you all enjoy. 
LONG LIVE TEAM DUMPSTER MANSION!!! 
Dabb: So, let’s have AU Cas.
SPN writers: Cool. Why don’t we ask Misha to do one of his accents?
Jensen: *flings door open* *pants* AM I TOO LATE?! DID I MISS IT?!
BONUS alternative by @postmodernmulticoloredcloak​:
Dabb: So, let’s have AU Cas.
Everyone: …
Jensen: *starts vibrating at a very high frequency*
Misha: …okay I’ll do an accent
Isn’t it so weird that none of Jensen’s kids look like Misha?
Jensen is CONSTANTLY hosting his own episodes of Queer Eye and every one is about Misha.
[Below the cut]
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Jensen: *looks up suddenly and stares into the middle distance* *vibrates at a high frequency*
Danneel: What is it, babe?
Jensen: Somewhere…Misha is doing an accent. Badly. He’s doing it badly, but he’s still doing it.
Danneel: You’ve gotta go!
Jensen: You’re right, I’ve gotta go!
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Somewhere in Austin a high-pitched whistle blows.
Jensen, holding his ears and running into the kitchen: Alright, alright! What?!
Danneel, points wordlessly at laptop screen where this is displayed.
Jensen: Oh no.
Danneel, accusatory: I thought you HID those!
Jensen: I did! *pause* Why would he look in my dirty laundry anyway?
*Danneel stares*
Jensen: Oh right. I guess he needed something to wear.
Danneel: Pretty dumb, babe.
Jensen: Hmmm…yeah. *pause, then, hopeful* I guess we couldn’t fly to Hawaii to get them, right? *pause* No, no of course not. *mumbles* Damn shorts.
Text convo, probably:
Jensen: mish miss you. send me a pic.
Misha: *photo of something random like an interesting leaf*
Jensen: no, i mean like i MISS you miss you. send a pic of you.
Misha: *photo of his foot*
Jensen: oh for fuck’s sake! *posts flex meme and tags misha in it*
Jensen: there now it’s public you have to do it. and you can fuck off.
Misha: *sends dick pic*
Me: god Misha has the perfect jawline. Not that it matters.
Lizard brain: lick it
Me: yes, yes if I actually had a real relationship with him that would be well and good but…
Lizard brain: LICKIT
Me: yes, yes I heard you but what’s crucial is that Misha is one of the very best humans out there not that he has the stubbled and chiseled jawline of a Greek god so I really think we should focus on…
Jensen (in the distance): oh my God! it doesn’t have to be a choice, dummy!! L I CK IT!!
Jensen’s brain: It’s Misha’s birthday. We love Misha. Say it.
Jensen: No. We are in public. I am just going to call him “the man” and post a cute pic of us in matching outfits.
Jensen’s brain: NOOOOOO…SAYITSAYITSAYITWELOVEHIMSAYIT
Jensen: God fine ok…but I’m using an emoji not words.
Jensen’s brain: Acceptable.
Jensen: And also I’m going to add “bro”.
Jensen’s brain: …. 😒
Jensen: So now no one will ever know.
Jensen’s brain: 🙄
(About this mess right here)
Jensen’s brain: hold his hand
Jensen: NO it will look gay!
Jensen’s brain: but…you are gay for each other? so who cares?
Jensen: Yes, but we can’t LOOK gay ok? So just shake hands.
Jensen’s brain: fine 🙄
**Jensen does whatever this subby, hand-groping bullshit is**
Jensen’s brain: is that…. is that how humans shake hands? in a non-gay way?
Jensen: Shut up.
Jensen’s brain: i’m just trying to understand
Jensen: Shut up, asshole
Jensen’s brain: 😏
Look, I know it’s not going to happen, but all I want in life is for Jensen to respond to Misha’s shirtless video by saying “Hey Mish, if you need a shirt I have a few old ones for you.”
New theory: Jensen gives Misha so many shirts because otherwise his natural inclination is to run around bare-chested and Jensen’s poor, queer heart cannot handle it. (Photo version.)
Cockles trash cat meme origin
So you know how you sometimes go out with you friends and one of them gets way too drunk and ends up getting confessional with someone they don’t know that well? And you kind of want to stop them but, y’know, it’s their life and their choices so you have nothing to do but sit back and watch and be equal parts mildly horrified that they are spilling secrets to a relative stranger and incredibly amused at how they will feel about it later?
THAT is how I feel watching Misha tell the same story, over and over, about wearing Jensen’s hand-me-down shirts.
Misha, you’re currently my intensely emotional drunk friend and you need to stop before you reach the point of crying in the club. Neither of us can handle that. Thanks in advance.
Misha on social media: hahaha…Jensen is my cabin boy…that means he’s a sub who likes BDSM…hahaha…gonna make a comment about a giant space tongue rimming Jensen b/c why not lolz…gonna post a pic of myself covered in white goo and imply that it’s come from the conclusion of a threesome with Jensen and Jared…haha I’m such a scamp…I’m just incorrigible…teehee…
Misha when a fan mentions clothing: WHAT’S A JENSEN??? I’ve never heard of one and even if I had I definitely wouldn’t have had any non-heterosexual thoughts or feelings about him…and we’re absolutely not so close that we share in casual intimacy without a second thought…what could possibly make you think that?? I DON’T EVEN LIKE JENSEN OK!!!
Stages of Cockles in Gifs.
I feel like Jensen is one con away from straight-up answering an only tangentially-related question with, “…and that’s why I love Misha. You do know I love Misha, right? Like, love love him, like the way we love our wives. I feel like you guys get it so let’s just move on. Next question!”
At the next con, Jensen and Misha will be projecting the words “JUST SO YOU KNOW, I LOVE THIS MAN” on the side of the building across from the hotel in case you somehow miss that message in their panels.
At the next con, Jensen and Misha will be screening a 12-minute video that is just them giggling while one of them films the other; there will be no lines and nothing else will happen. Fandom will deem it a masterpiece.
At the next con, instead of his usual classic rock covers, Jensen will be performing a spoken word piece about how great Misha is, accompanied by Jared on bongos and Richard Speight on the kazoo.
In the final episode we are brought to the realization that the show DOES exist in our universe and on our timeline and that this entire time J2M have ACTUALLY BEEN TFW and kept this cover story about being actors on a TV show to keep us from knowing what they are really up to. Most of the show is just footage of their lives, though some of the things on the show were just absurd and to keep us off track.
Misha Collins is an actual angel. Jensen Ackles is a grumpy-faced softie with the biggest nerd streak. Jared Padalecki is a fiercely loyal and intelligent guy who has fought off more than his share of darkness. Gen and Danneel are actually supernatural creatures though neither will fully commit to being an angel or demon. Vicki is too powerful to be captured on film. And of course Jensen and Misha have been husbands for years. It was hard to hide that one on the show.
Jensen: *does interview quote game on his own* Great! Now, I’m gonna go get Misha. He’s gonna be so terrible at this game lol…He has the worst memory and never watches the show…hahaha isn’t that so cute?
Interviewer: oh actually we weren’t quite done interviewing you…
Jensen: yeah but Mish is gonna be so bad at this and I can’t afford to miss that! Imma go find him right now!
Interviewer: you really don’t have to…we’re actually talking to you all individually.
Jensen: ….
Interviewer: y’know, so we can cut the clips together?
Jensen: ….
Interviewer: And because you probably have a lot of other interviews at this huge press event for your 300th episode?
Jensen: ….. Yeah, no, I’m getting him right now. Hey, Mish! Get in here!
Filming with JenMish (aka “why’s Dean wearing a seatbelt?”)
**Jensen makes a dirty joke and Misha cracks up** **Misha and Jensen playfully push each other around the front seat of the car** **Misha says one thing that is mildly amusing and Jensen falls over laughing**
Sanchez, conferring with Bob Singer: What do you do to stop this?
Singer: strap one of them down
Sanchez: You mean, like, tell them to get it together or else?
Singer: No, no. I mean LITERALLY strap one of them down.
Sanchez: ….
Singer: Why do you think they get tied to so many chairs? **sighs** These two have cost us so much in duct tape.
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photographer: alright, everyone, fight each other for pie! jensen: mish, you should pull my hair. misha: why? it’s not like that would stop you moving your arm. jensen: …. jensen: misha. you. should. PULL. MY. HAIR. misha: ooohhhhhh! jared: I don’t want to be here for this.
Cockles is the gay booze cruise of ships.
a text exchange that probably happened: jensen: I can’t believe ur still going running on vacation jensen: nerd misha: hello to you too. … misha: awww, babe, you must really miss me! that comment is so sappy! jensen: shut up misha: you “dig” the “WHOLE THING” huh? jensen: fuck off misha: don’t I know it!! jensen: fuck OFF misha: now I have to go like it. … misha: ok done. you huge softie. jensen: not always misha: oh really? misha: how about now? jensen: not now jensen: call me misha; as you wish…
Jensen’s brain (Jensain): holy shit!! look at our hot husband!! mmm…we like the grey and the sweat and the beard and, hey, did we give him that shirt? Jensen: yep. Jensen’s brain: and he sounds all smart and sincere, which turns us on….WOW we’ve been apart for too long! Jensen: tell me about it. Jensen’s brain: Say something about how good he looks. Jensen: I can’t. It’s public. Jensen’s brain: You gotta. Jensen: I. CAN’T. Jensen’s brain: But how these bitches gonna know he’s yours!? Do you know how many people are looking at this video RIGHT NOW?! Jensen: OMG Jensen’s brain: OMG Jensen: they gotta know… Jensen’s brain: YESSSSS!! DO IT!! Tell everyone the sexy, scruffy, deep-voiced, poetry-reciting motherfucker standing in the sunlight belongs to you! Jensen: I can’t say that. I’m just..gonna…tease him? about something? Jensen’s brain: u serious? 😒 Jensen: Well…no… Jensen’s brain: tell him you like the whole package! Jensen: I cannot use the word “package” about Misha in public. Jensen’s brain: 😏 Jensen’s brain: Fine! Can you at least mention how strong he is? Jensen: … I guess that’s less…gay… Jensen’s brain: uh-huh, sure. way less gay. 🙄 Jensen: ok, I did it. now leave me alone. I have to post a picture of my family so that no one suspects I only logged in because I have alerts set for Misha. Jensen’s brain: … Jensen’s brain: hey, you know who looks sexy in flannel PJs?? Jensen: ALRIGHT THAT’S IT
me: *wakes up in a cold sweat and sits upright in bed*
But how much of the mockumentary did Jensen shoot??!?
Misha is busting out of his shirt and jacket in those EW pics again, which makes me think something like this exchange must have taken place:
EW stylists: So, what size is Misha? SPN costumers: Eh, he’s the small one. EW stylists: But…he doesn’t…look small? SPN costumers: Nah, trust us, he’s the small one. EW stylists: Uh, looks more like he’s a 6’ wall of muscle but ok Misha: What’s a clothes? I will wear it. *Jensen sobbing in the background*
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”I’m Full Frontal in Here Dude: Guest Starring Misha Collins” title of Jensen’s sex tape.
Jensen’s brain: you should give Misha that valentine.
Jensen: Yeah, good. It will work for the video. Like, as a joke.
Jensen’s brain: no. not joke. he’s your valentine.
Jensen: No he’s…
Jensen’s brain: you can’t lie to me. I’m you.
Jensen: shit. that’s true.
Jensen’s brain: Sooooo…valentine?
Jensen: Fine, but I’m gonna call him “buddy” when I give it to him.
Jensen’s brain: 😐
Jensen: People can’t KNOW!!
Jensen’s brain: You literally just called him your valentine on camera on a livestream but OK WHATEVER make sure you say “buddy.”
Jensen: I did WHAT??!
Jensen’s brain: Why do I bother? 🙄
Destiel AU where Cas is a poet who writes secret poems for Dean and posts them anonymously to an Instagram account that he gets Dean to follow and Dean falls in love with the mystery man he feels is speaking to him…and then realizes it was the guy he already crushed on from afar.
aka AU where Destiel is Cockles (with some tiny changes)
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thisblackwitch · 5 years
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One day, I should talk about how I got a thief at an old library job fired.
Today should be that day because it’s been something. Also, I am being a touch petty, please note forewarning. Also, this is stream of thought as well so if I am glossing some details, lemme know because I wanna be clear. 
So, I have dealt with discriminatory harassment at my old library job at U Mustn’t B Conscious, a college library (If you knew American college sports news last summer/fall, you know exactly what uni it is, not difficult to pick). This has popped up two new EEOC’s even (now totaling to three EEOC’s I have filed in my life). But that’s a different thing. And one that got a lawyer involved. (This now brings my lawyers count to I think 2 or 3). But the thieving! Let’s talk about that.
So, thanks to having Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), I have a work journal that I need to keep track of things. Well, had, because it got lifted after I left from work. And that was item #3. Two 3D prints I made already were stolen roughly before I was sent to a hospital for my DID.
Told higher ups, they didn’t listen because the EEOC was going on and some of them were named on it so obviously they are not interested in upholding rules, including theft.
So, I went to the uni police. The uni police were better than the library higher ups, they were interested in figuring out the theft. Buuuuuuuuuuut they went “we dunno where to start in terms of subjects”. My stuff got stolen so often, I could literally spot a pattern. (Always on my off days, gone before I come in at 4 PM).
I have a strong background in technology (I worked at NIST, the nerd part of the US government.) so I suggested, “Hey, if I can record this person in the act, would you be okay with it? Like, I want to film this person so you can just book them.” The police were okay with that. So I used my smartphone to create a motion sensor to record only interactions with my items (so I don’t burn battery or storage - that and it’s a library. Who wants to watch 7+ hours of literally nothing?)
Guess what? By the fifth item stolen, I got them on camera. Clear face and everything. If I was eviler/pettier, I’d post the video as well, it’s less than 40 seconds of someone literally blowing their entire career. The kicker? I knew this person for years. I knew them since we were both undergrad in college. They weren’t a stranger, they were someone who I thought was nice and kind for almost a decade. Come to find out, they’re sticky-fingered and because others were picking on me, they thought this was a great way to “fit in”. Yeah, I’ve been bullied since I was a child (part of how I got the DID), that’s a big reason why I got my tech skill to Level: 1984
As soon as I got a notification ping, I reviewed footage and sent straight to the fuzz. The fuzz decided to yink up thief, Kat-Nabber, and question them. Police told Kat-Nabber to not blab to the world because it could muddy the investigation. So Kat-Nabber tells uni HR (who the EEOC is also against). HR has a fit - not over the serial theft, but because I filmed someone commit theft after being dismissed and not believed. I got wrote up for “filming people without permission” as if I was filming Librarians Gone Wild.
Speed up the clock and I went from uni police to the actual police. Actual police directed me to the court house, court house sped me a prosecutor once I showed them the tape. The prosecutor wasted no time slapping charges on Kat-Nabber. U Mustn’t B Conscious may not care about serial theft but turns out the Maryland Judicial System gave some sort of a sh*t. At least when you have very damming proof.
Then Kat-Nabber gave up her job. Like, she quit roughly around the time the charges hit. And I made sure the charges were sent to her work desk. Kat-Nabber leaped over to a new state HR job, a nice paying one. 
Lolz. As soon as Kat-Nabber accepted the charges and I got all the proper paperwork that dings her, I used my “Persistent” personality trait, found Kat-Nabber’s supervisor at new job as well as the head of HR at the new job. The supervisor was emailed every thing I had. The dude was astonished I had so much, Kat-Nabber was let go quick. So now, she can’t get hired in state jobs, federal jobs and she went from a clean slate to having a record.
I am posting this partly because A) I want to, Kat-Nabber isn’t the only person I fried B) I noticed my actions are having a ripple effect where some folks who follow me and knows both Kat-Nabber and me and those folks are very up in their feelings because of Kat-Nabber’s White Girl Tears. I get not wanting to believe a bad person is actually bad but Kat-Nabber didn’t get yinked on false stuff, but hard core proof. 
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ashcraftscrap · 4 years
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Digging a Little Deeper
In my last post I made a list of all the topics that I enjoy enough to feel they have a shot at becoming my brand, so to speak. I talked a little bit about Writing and why I think it’s going to end up being my primary focus...
Writing has been a long term passion of mine, probably the longest lasting with the exception of animals and nature. I also think it would be the best outlet for all the various things that I enjoy, because then I can work on individual books that cover the topics I love even if I don’t love them enough to make a career of them. Writing gives me the freedom to jump around a bit, to dabble in a little bit of everything without losing focus.
...but I neglected to talk about anything else in the same kind of depth. Why do these other topics have a shot at being my brand? What about them do I like, and more specifically if they did become my brand, what kind of content would I be making? These are rather general topics, so let’s go over them one by one the same way I did with writing:
Art (in various forms)
I’ve done all sorts of art from drawing and painting, sculpting, and photography all the way to glass blowing, jewelry making, and woodworking. I have basic sewing knowledge, I’ve played with resin a little, and I’m up for a DIY project pretty much anytime be it to improve my wardrobe or the space I live. I’ve discovered through my many years of trying different types of art here or there that as fun as two-dimensional art (drawing, painting, photography) is and can be, I prefer working with three-dimensional creations. Something I’ve wanted for years (about a decade now) to do is create dolls of my characters to use in photography that can act as the illustrations in books I write. If I were to make art my brand, it would be an adventure of trying new things and sharing my various creations, probably with a focus on these dolls and making art for my books, the secondary focus being on DIY projects for my wardrobe and home.
Animals
I love pretty much all animals (’cept wasps lolz) and I really love learning about them and sharing what I know. I think it would be a meaningful thing to get educated and share that knowledge, and I would be very humbled to get the opportunity to do something important and help animals however I can. One thing I’ve always wanted to do, but simply have not had the time nor means to do so, is volunteer at a wolf-dog shelter about an hour or so away from where I live.  Another direction that I feel I could easily go is getting into betta fish and/or ball python breeding. I’ve often had bettas present in my life, and I’ve almost always wanted a snake, particularly a ball python, so both creatures are something I’ve on-off considered breeding as a hobby, if I ever had the opportunity. I don’t know if I’d make a career out of it, I’ve never looked into it as anything more than a hobbyist, but I would definitely not be mad if it went that way.
Reviews (Books, Shows, and/or Movies)
My favorite genre, my bread and butter, is high fantasy, but second to that I probably read philosophy and supernatural fiction the most. When it comes to movies, I’m a big Disney fan, but my favorite types of movies are stop motion, hand-drawn animation such as Studio Ghibli or older animated movies, and I’m not sure what I’d call them, but films that implement puppetry and less CGI and such, films like The Neverending Story, the Dark Crystal, etc. Shows I enjoy range from drama and romance to comedy and horror, and I’m not ashamed to admit there are some really great cartoons and anime out there. I’m a theater geek and was a techie in high school, so I get nerdy over set design and ambiance and soundtracks, and would undoubtedly talk about that background stuff too. I don’t think I’d make a very good reviewer, but I think it sounds like a lot of fun, and I’d like to do it for the sake of the fun alone whether it becomes what I’m known for or not.
Video Games
I strongly doubt that this would become my brand/focus, but I really love video games and think no matter what direction I end up going in, I’ll likely still make Let’s Play videos and maybe even video game reviews just because it’s something enjoyable and fun to do. I strongly prefer playing games with my fiance and friends like Don’t Starve Together and Minecraft, but I also like playing games on my own too. I particularly like medieval-style RPGs, slice of life games like The Sims or those silly dating simulator games, and Nintendo, most particularly the Legend of Zelda series and Pokemon.
Gothic Subculture & Fashion
If I had the luxury of having enough money to truly express myself with complete and utter vanity, I would do a huge wardrobe rehaul and deck myself out as badass as It’s Black Friday. Everything would be black on black on black, and I’d live in my dark little black on black on black world with minimal if any color. However, my wardrobe currently is nothing spectacular and my fiance could not stand to live in all black the way I could, so I don’t think I’m in a position to dive into this world all in the way I’d like to. I strongly doubt it’ll become my brand, but rather it’ll be the primary aesthetic I strive for and will likely slowly develop over time.
Philosophy (Neo-Paganism) | Gender Studies (minus feminism)
Both of these topics are things that I have learned a great deal about and have personal, life-changing experiences within. They are also highly personal, controversial things to talk about, and don’t always jive well with people. There’s a particular crowd that these things get discussed with, and while I am a part of that crowd and am not afraid to talk about these things, I’m probably just going to leave my opinions about these things in places where they are more appropriate to discuss them, like Quora. Because I’m so passionate about them, I will likely talk about them in time, but I just don’t know if I’m comfortable attempting to make a career out of either thing. If I do, I think I’d be a lot more inclined to talk about philosophy and spirituality than I would about Gender. Even though I don’t know if I want it to be my main point of focus, I do think it’s important to share my opinions and perspective on these very personal things, perhaps by writing books about them at some point. I guess we’ll just see how much people hate me sharing more about this side of me haha
Music
As much as I love music, I know it won’t be my brand. The most I do regarding music is post good music to my instagram. I don’t play any instruments, and I’m not tone-deaf or anything, but regardless of that, at my very best my voice is simply average, so it’s not like I ever imagined I’d be making music. I might write some songs if I think I can even do that, but one this is for sure - I will talk about good music here and there, especially since my favorite genre (gothic metal) is fairly niche and deserves a little bit of a shout out.
The Furry Fandom
In my previous post I said that my prediction for the topics that are most likely going to be my brand are Writing, Animals, and Art. Well the furry fandom is pretty much made up of animal-loving artists of all kinds and sorts, writers included. So needless to say, I could very easily end up becoming a furry influencer, since it encompasses a good portion of the things I love doing, and is the fandom I’m most involved with as well. I wouldn’t be mad in the slightest if this ended up happening, and I have a hard time believing that my followers won’t end up being made of majority furs anyway. If I had continued my list beyond the top 3 predictions, the furry fandom would have been the fourth listed for this reason.
Hunting | Gardening | Food & Cooking
I’ve learned a lot about the food industry, and I’d like to learn a lot more and be more proactive in changing my lifestyle for the better in order to get away from all the processed, typical American diet shit out there that’s tainting our food. So basically for years now I’ve had this vision and goal for my lifestyle. I want to be a hunter, then I want to go vegetarian (may even vegan idk) with the only source of meat I consume being my own personally hunted game, or I guess maybe locally sourced meat from ethical farmers and such. I’d also like to learn a lot of skills that a good for a hunter to know, like leather-working, taxidermy, and skeletal articulation so that I can utilize all of the resources, not just the meat. I’d ideally like to have my own goats for milk, otherwise only drinking nut milk (preferably homemade), and my own chickens for eggs. I’d like to have a small farm where I grow as many of my own fresh ingredients as I reasonably can, and with all those good and healthy resources, I’d like to become a better at home chef. I’ve just never had the land or money to do all this with, so I’ve kinda put that goal on the back-burner while I focus on my career and finances first. Undoubtedly, however, I will learn more and talk more about this stuff as I get closer to accomplishing these goals, cook more, and hopefully get the money and means to learn more about it and actually become a hunter.
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