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bluecrocss · 2 days

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Yes. You are racist. (Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one)

So approximately half a year since the premier of the Disney+ Percy Jackson show, and almost two years since the announcement of the Trio's casting, I would like to take this moment to look back at the insane, racist and anti-black backlash that was launched at Leah Sava Jeffries and a few other cast members from the PJO fandom.

I'm not concerned with the trolls who are openly racist, who resorted to racist slurs and outright threats, everyone agrees that they "took it too far". I want to talk about the rest of you, the "I'm not racist, but.." people, the "What's wrong with wanting book accuracy?" people. Just to let you know, for the unasked question... yes, yes you are.

I've noticed the Percy Jackson fandom has been lording some weird superiority complex over a certain *unnamed* fandom that has fallen out of grace due to their recently outed bigot of an author. But honestly, y'all are not much different. The amount of vitriol and anti-blackness I have seen from this fandom (beyond just bullying a 12 year old girl), y'all don't have a leg to stand on.

Below is a breakdown of the most common arguments I have seen used to justify y'alls absolutely insane bigotry. I am going to explain why none of these justify the amount of anger and vitriol y'all have sent towards Leah, Rick or any of the cast.

I am not here to argue, and this is not a democracy. I am giving you a chance for some self-reflection and to understand that this pattern of violence directed towards POC actors (mostly black women) has never been justified in the name of "book accuracy"/"comic book accuracy"/"ending forced diversity" or whatever other excuses y'all try to make up.

If you still try to justify or argue further for any of these points, I will just block you. I am not coddling you through your racism. If anyone has seen any other dumb arguments floating around that I might've missed, feel free to sound off in the comments.

She's not book accurate:

Neither is Percy, Luke, Grover, Dionysus, Poseidon, and just about every other named character.

Rick already made it clear that physical features were not the priority with casting, rather it was actors that embodied the role. So why are the biggest complaints about Annabeth and Zeus? 🤔

What? You're gonna say everyone else got backlash too? I see you trying to obscure the main issue by playing dumb 😉

See my friend, yes, there were one or two comments about how Percy's hair should be black or how Luke is supposed to be blonde, but as soon as Leah was cast, none of those actors got any significant backlash. In fact, Walker and Charlie literally have an army of fan girls at their beck and call, calling them the perfect Percy and Luke, despite neither being "Book accurate". But then again, have we not observed the pattern of White boy of the month vs WOC to hate for the year? (Yes, I know Charlie isn't white. Further adds to the irony, doesn't it).

Why include character descriptions if you won't stay true to them, you cry? Well, my dear sweet moron, see, books and TV are two different mediums. Because in literature, you can't *Literally* SEE the characters, the author has to add descriptions to paint a picture in your mind, in TV... that's not an issue. So unless the character's appearance is necessary to the plot (like Luke's scar, or Nico being Italian) the show runners can actually focus on more important things.. Like ACTING and PERSONALITY.

2. It's just not how I imagined her:

News flash, babe! ANNABETH ISN'T REAL. None of these character are. They are concepts that originated from the brain of Mr. Rick Riordan. It doesn't matter how YOU imagined her. There are millions of people who read these books that imagined her several different ways. When the creator of the character watched Leah's audition and said, 'Yes! She embodies the character I created!", your imagined version of Annabeth ceased to matter. And guess what? The books still exist... they have not been burned. Your version of Annabeth has not disappeared. Go read the books.

3. Zeus can't be black/Gods have to be Greek/*Insert Character* can't be black:

Y'all did not read the books, I swear. You have to be fake fans looking to troll atp.

The gods move based off the center of western civilization. They change their forms/environment to reflect the culture they are occupying (they did it with Rome, now they're doing it with America). The gods change forms all the time. How we see them is not their true form as a mortal would disintegrate if they were to see their true form.

America is a cultural melting pot (specifically NY where Mount Olympus is now based). If the god's choose forms that reflect the current society they inhabit, they could literally be any race (keep in mind NYC is only 33% white).

All of this is literally SPELLED OUT in the Lightning Thief.

Furthermore, if you're going to push the ethnically Greek thing... Poseidon is British with a British accent and Hermes is Latino. The only ethnically Greek actor is Dionysus (who still doesn't look book accurate). Y'all are sounding like some white supremacists because do you forget that race is a social construct?

Before the advent of the transatlantic slave trade, I can promise you that the Greeks and the Anglo-Saxons did NOT view themselves as the same people. Why are y'all not taking issue with Poseidon's actor then?

Also, Percy Jackson has canonically had a slew of explicitly black demigods since the second book (including Harriet Tubman, which I have mixed feelings about 😭), so I genuinely have no idea where some of y'all are going with this point.

4. She was our smart blonde representation:

Don't pmo. I swear to God!

White, blonde women have NEVER been excluded from Hollywood. Representation is not something you lacked. The dumb blonde stereotype was a simple branch off of a larger misogynistic "dumb woman" stereotype. It has not truly been relevant since the mid 2000s outside of childish jokes.

This iteration of Percy Jackson will probably not go beyond the first 5 books, based off pacing and the age of the actors. So here's a fun game: 5 bucks to the first person who can find me a quote in the first 5 Percy Jackson books, where Annabeth laments her insecurities about being blonde (hint: there aren't any).

Also, her blonde hair does not hold her back at Camp because she is head of the Athena Cabin who are highly respected (and guess what?), ARE ALL BLONDE!

Her insecurities about her hair color are two or three lines at most in the later books, not this fundamental, core part of her character y'all all of a sudden wanna pretend it was. And guess what, as a non-blonde black girl, I was able to read those scenes of Annabeth feeling undervalued because of her looks and relate to her even if she didn't look like me at the time.

Why all of a sudden can y'all not do that with a black Annabeth? By every metric black girls are undervalued for their intelligence in academia more than white girls are, regardless of hair color. So your little representation of a woman undervalued by her looks would still hold. Do y'all dehumanize black women so much, that you are incapable of empathizing with show!Annabeth's plight in the way I could with Book!Annabeth simply because she doesn't look exactly like you?

Your issue isn't that she isn't blonde, it's that she is NOT WHITE.

Furthermore, Becky Riordan had tweeted previously (before the show was even cast) that Annabeth never needed to be blonde (probably recalling the BS y'all put Alexandra Daddario through), so even if they cast a white Annabeth, the blonde hair was never a guarantee. the author and producers all agree that it was not a significant part of her character. It's been a non-issue since day one.

Also, stop acting like smart blondes are rare in media... If you don't go watch some Legally blonde, Iron Man (Pepper Potts), Zack and Cody (Maddie), Liv and Maddie, FMAB (Winry), Captain Marvel, She-Ra, Buffy, etc. etc., and go sit down somewhere 🙄🙄🙄

5. It's not about race, but...:

Yes it is. It was always bout race. No other actors got as much hate as Leah. Her grandmother and other family members on IG had to mute their comments because they were getting so many threats.

Alexandra Daddario had to come to her defense on Twitter. Rick had to put out an official statement on his website. This girl has endured years of psychological torment for simply having the best audition. No one else is book accurate, no one else is ethnically Greek (except Jason Mantzoukas). Walker literally has British and German ancestry.

Why was she being called racial slurs on reddit and in youtube comments?

I know what you're gonna say, "I actually had problems with the entire cast", "I actually had a bigger issue with Walker's hair color", blah blah blah. Then why aren't you in Walker's comment sections? Why are you only making your displeasure known on posts defending/advocating for Leah? Why is she always your first example of 'wrong casting"?

Well, she "looks the most different"... Look up the term "scapegoating".

"Oh, I don't agree with the harassment. I just don't like the casting." Guess what? She's already been cast. They are not going to uncast her. What do you get out of still complaining about it.

All the vitriol you're stirring about her when you complain about her on Social media, it is directing people to send her hate, even if you're not writing it directly. It's is not enough to "not agree" with the racism, it is your duty to actively prevent it. And btw, these are young gen z actors, they are active on social media. They see the edits of themselves (even comment on it) and they most likely see these little "harmless" complaints you're posting. Are your upset feelings really worth contributing to the racist dogpile on this poor girl?

6. Why couldn't they atleast give her blonde braids?:

Why should they? Y'all wanted blonde because of the "dumb blonde" trope... that doesn't apply to POC.

A blonde black girl is gonna be viewed the same as a non-blonde black girl (or at worst, someone might decide she's "ratchet" or some shit for wearing colored hair). What difference would it make?

Why shouldn't Walker dye his hair, then?

7. Annabeth has Gray eyes:

Less than 3% of the global population has "gray eyes". Even if they cast a white actor, they would've needed contacts. Her being black is not the reason Annabeth's eyes aren't gray. Simply put, it is a plot element they removed, like the whole "names have power" element, or Ares having flames for eyes, or Dionysus using his powers to grow strawberries at Camp.

That's how adaptations work. Unnecessary plot elements are cut to save time and budget. This has nothing to do with her casting. They probably also didn't want to make child actors wear contacts (not a new practice).

8. Even if Rick chose her, he was wrong/Disney is forcing him to be okay with it:

Where do I start? Rick created the character. He can't be wrong. Do y'all have no self-awareness? Death of the author has no place here, because y'all are hung up on an aspect of the character that is not relevant to her arc or development.

Y'all's justification for wanting a "book accurate" Annabeth is that she was such an inspirational and important character growing up, and yet your behavior is so in conflict with the character you claim means so much to you. You're narrow minded, dismissive of bigotry and injustice, and disrespectful to the wishes of the creator of your favorite character; everything that Annabeth would never be. Y'all were never genuine fans of the books. You're bigots that needed an outlet for your rage.

Keep in mind, Rick has said countless times that PercaBeth directly mirrors his relationship with his wife. Y'all think he would have allowed them to cast someone who doesn't live up to the woman who has been by his side for decades? The mother of his children?

Regarding Disney forcing him, show me one piece of direct evidence that proves Disney in anyway pressured Rick to cast her. Cuz if you can't, that's baseless speculation. And if you have to resort to baseless speculation, maybe try to examine why it's so important to you to hold on to this belief.

9. So, I'm racist because I hate "race swapping"?:

To start, there is a difference between "race swapping" and "color blind casting". Often times, when y'all complain about the former, you're actually mad about the latter.

It would be "race swapping" if Rick and the team decided ahead of time that they wanted a black Annabeth and ONLY allowed black actors to audition. But the actual reality was that they accepted auditions from everyone (there were white actors and non-black poc that also auditioned for the role) and chose the best person who embodied the role. They didn't "make Annabeth black" and they didn't "make Zeus black", they cast black actors for those roles.

Y'all think you're being slick with your wording. Dismissing that is implying that they did not earn their roles fair and square. Which is racist. It's the equivalent of going up to a black college student and telling them they only got in because of affirmative action. You're dismissing the achievements of a person solely because of their racial background.

For all you people complaining about "unfairness" and "forced diversity", I would think hiring based on merit would appeal to you 🤔

71% of theatrical Hollywood leads were white in 2024 in comparison to 29% POC and you still think "black washing" is a thing? You still get this angry over a black person fairly earning a role because you think in a time where Hollywood only knows to do remakes and adaptations, that the majority of lead roles still *have* to be reserved for white actors?

Once again, white people have never been excluded from Hollywood for being white. Representation has never been something you lacked nor is it something you can lose. Your anger comes from seeing a black face where you think they don't belong. Because you feel you are owed a disproportion of representation in Hollywood.

10. Woke agenda/DEI/Forced Diversity:

If you are unironically using any of these terms in a negative light, it's already too late for me to reason with you. Look up the term "dog whistle". If you are sharing the same terminology with Elon Musk and his fanboys, maybe reevaluate some things.

POC are objectively underrepresented and have been historically excluded through actual laws and policies in Hollywood. There is no such thing as "forced diversity", you have bought in to a right wing conspiracy theory.

"Woke" is a term that was intentionally appropriated from the black community. It originally meant being aware of injustice and systematic threats to the community and is now being weaponized by bigots. Good job.

Diversity and inclusion is a good thing.

11. But POC deserve to have their own stories told:

We do. And we have been fighting for it for over a century now, and we've made great strides, no thanks to y'all.

No thanks to y'all gaslighting us about how little representation we get or that representation matters at all. No thanks to y'all pushing the idea that POC can't sell globally and obscuring POC actors in international promos. No thanks to y'all continuing to whitewash even to this day (Bullet train, the beguiled, gods of Egypt, atla, every portrayal of Jesus ever, etc.). No thanks to y'all calling every piece of media that has more than one black lead and more than one queer couple "woke". No thanks to y'all throwing a fit every time a black person in a fantasy setting isn't a slave.

Fact of the matter is, y'all never cared about POC "getting their own stories", you're only parroting our own words back to us now as a politically correct way of saying, "leave white roles alone" lmao

Well fun fact, actors of color getting opportunities to play lead roles and allowing poc to "tell their own stories" are not mutually exclusive. If y'all cared that much, instead of bullying a 12 year old actress, you could actually support up and coming independent POC writers, directors, and studios 😱

12. Studios need to stop "setting up" actors of color:

Do me a favor and google the term DARVO.

Your racism is not the fault of the studios for giving a POC actor a role that they earned. It is not up to the rest of society to tiptoe around racists to avoid their vitriol. It is our responsibility to hold them accountable and protect minorities from unwarranted hate. At most, you can say it's the responsibility of the studios to provide adequate support to POC actors who face this backlash.

At the end of the day, Hollywood only allows very few spots for POC actors (especially WOC), while simultaneously pushing a new white boy every month to put in everything. Putting minorities in these roles that are usually closed to them, usually opens the door to more actors of color than before.

Brandy being cast as Cinderella did a lot to push her into the mainstream (yes, she was already extremely famous in the black community atp), Halle Berry being the first, black, bond girl literally shot her to icon status, and even going as far back to what Anna Mae Wong did for Asian American actresses with her "femme fatale" roles.

At the end of the day, even with the backlash, *some* rep does more good for POC actors than *no* rep. The solution to racist backlash isn't to take away those opportunities, but rather to not be racist??? 🙄

Also, for everyone that claims that "POC race-swapping" is just as bad as "white-washing", despite white washing having a longer history and objectively causing more harm, note how the backlash to white washing never lasts as long as the harassment that POC get.

Like, no one brings up Scarlett Johansson's ghost in the shell role anymore, but you can best believe Candace Patton is still fending off racist trolls. As much as people hated the atla movie, people moved on quick from Nicola Peltz playing Katara since she was just a kid that accepted the role (re: daddy bought her the role), but y'all would not have any of that consideration for Leah Sava Jeffries.

But I digress...

13. What if we made Tiana white? Wakanda white? Hazel white...:

Ah, my favorite inane point. I was so excited to get here :)

See, I could start out by pointing out how "White washing" and casting a POC actor as a traditionally white character are not equivalent.

I could point out the history of hollywood ACTIVELY excluding POC actors and POC stories. I could point out how grossly over represented white people are in hollywood. I could point out that POC characters are so few in comparison that whitewashing them causes actual harm, where white people have never lacked rep.

I could point out how, because poc characters and stories are so often tokenized that their racial/cultural background is often directly tied to their character's identity, in opposition to a lot of white characters, since hollywood treats white as the "Default".

See, I could make all those points, but the thing is, the people who make this argument already know all that. They are trying to waste time by drawing me into a pointless circular argument that will sum up to "fair is fair", while ignoring all the context and nuance I previously provided.

So you know what? Forget it. Let me play your game.

I am actually fine with a white Tiana. Would it make sense, for her and her family to experience Jim Crow era racism, in the south while white? No. But we can look past it. Disney was never known for historical accuracy anyway 🤷🏿‍♀️

However, in exchange, the live action frozen will have a black Elsa and Anna, live action Rapunzel will be black, live action Merida will be black, we're re-filming Cinderella and Beauty and the beast to cast a black belle and Cindy, snow white will need to be recast as black, and we also get aurora whenever the live action sleeping beauty is announced. But then y'all can keep Tiana, deal?

You want a white T'Challa? Fine! (I'm partial to Ryan gosling), in the meantime, we'll be recasting Iron man, Captain America (Steve version), Bruce banner, Thor, Loki, hawk eye, black widow, ant man, captain marvel, Bucky, Peter Parker etc. All the avengers and their side characters, then y'all can have Sam Wilson, war machine and the whole of Wakanda (will it make sense that a sole, hidden, African nation is randomly made up of white people? Who cares? We get the avengers!).

You want white Hazel? You got her! I hope you have no problem with us taking Percy, Nico, Will, Poseidon, Jason, calypso, Rachel, Tyson, Silena, the stoll brothers, Sally Jackson, Hades, Hepheastus, ares, etc. But y'all can have Hazel and Beckendorf.

If we're gonna do this, let's commit all the way. Fair is fair, after all.

14. Leah isn't as "pretty" as Book Annabeth/Movie Annabeth:

I wish I could say this wasn't a genuine point I had read, but when all else fails, they will always go for a woman's appearance.

Now first of all, as a rule, I will never hold black women to white beauty standards. Our hair will never be long and silky enough, our nose will never be narrow enough, our skin will never be fair enough and our eyes will never be light enough (Might I recommend Toni Morrison, when you get the chance?). But Leah is unfairly gorgeous idc what any of you say, and you're not gonna have me use my defense of Leah as an opportunity to bash Alexandra either because she is also beautiful. These two queens slayed to the best of their abilities within this toxic ass fandom.

I find it funny, however, that so many of you harped on the "blonde" issue because you thought it was important that Annabeth be seen beyond just her looks, but quickly devolve to bashing an actress's looks when it comes to why she's not right for this role 🤔

I would also like to sincerely apologize that the 13 year old girl they cast in the show, wasn't as sexually attractive to you as the 24 year old woman they cast in the movie and sexualized through like 25% of her screen time (I'm actually not sorry. You're very weird if this is an actual point for you).

15. I don't agree with sending hate to the actor, but she's just not right for the role:

Once again, what are you doing by complaining about her casting on no other basis than her race?

The creator of the character said she embodied the role. She has already been cast, and Disney would be in a legal/production hell to recast her atp. Just because you're not directly leaving comments on her social media doesn't mean you're not part of the hate mob.

No matter how you look at it, your issues with her casting come from a very entitled and narrow-minded place. When you join in on these dialogues you are bolstering a sentiment that pushes more people to harass this teenage girl. When you leave these "harmless" complaints, on show content, fan posts or posts defending her, she's liable to read them because the cast regularly interact with fans online.

What do you have to say that is so important that it trumps protecting a young girl from the long-staying trauma of racism, of being told she doesn't deserve something she worked for because of how she was born?

16. I can't even criticize the show without being called racist:

Get. Over. Yourself.

Y'all are not the victim. Have fans of the show gotten protective of Leah and the young cast? Yes.

With good reason. This fandom is unbearably toxic.

Racism outweighs your need for a "perfect adaptation", sorry.

If you explain yourself properly and keep your critiques fair (like, even I don't think this was a perfect season, and will be sharing my thoughts shortly), no one is gonna call you racist.

You're preempting with that because in all honesty, you're probably planning to use your "critiques" of the show to pivot to one of the many points that I just outlined, and you want to pre-empt the criticism.

If a black Annabeth is the end all be all for you, just don't watch the show, no one's holding a gun to your head. Geez.

17. I'm Black/POC and I don't agree...:

Hey, Candace Owens... No one gives a shit.

First of all, for all the "I'm POC and I don't agree" people, you don't speak for us. Anti-blackness is rampant in just about every culture globally. You being not-white doesn't somehow make you less prone to hating black people.

But for the "I'm black and I don't agree" leftovers (assuming you're not just a 👩🏼‍💻 behind a keyboard). Black people are not a monolith. You're not obligated to think a certain way because you're black.

But consider why you're putting yourself up as a barrier to protect this hate mob. It's one thing to just state why you don't like Leah's casting, but to start off your spiel with "I'm actually black" as a way to weaponize the very identity politics you're critiquing... very strange. Not to mention, what are you defending?

The black community is coming together to defend one of our own, a kid who has been receiving death threats since she was 12, and this is when you feel the need to back the opposition?

I mean whatever... sometimes the house slaves would snitch to the master. There will always be some of y'all in the woodwork. It is what it is.

But when the exact ideology you defend is turned against you, when a Baltimore elected official is being accused of getting his job through "DEI", when conservatives are claiming that they wouldn't "trust a black pilot", don't decide that's where you'll finally draw your line in the sand.

All that being said, This is my Annabeth:

May every tongue that rose against Leah Sava Jeffries Shrivel and die in 2025 🙏🏿 My girl will keep winning ❤️

(video by @/waleahhasmyheart on TikTok)

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #percabeth #disney+#pjverse #pjo tv show #percy jackson fandom #rick riordan #riordanverse #leah sava jeffries #leah jeffries #walker scobell #camp half blood #pjo series #disney percy jackson #annabeth chase

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cordeliawhohung · 2 days

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Important:

Under the cut, I'm going to be talking about domestic and sexual violence, general unsafe scenarios, and my boundaries regarding my pet!au series (though, this heavily extends to ALL my works) and the expectations i have for people who interact with me through my writing and what is sent to me in my inbox.

While I understand that I write dark topics in many of my works, covering things from domestic violence, to graphic sexual violence; I am still a human being. I know it's easy to pretend I'm just some random person, some faceless creature through a screen, or whatever other way you may perceive me, but please, be thoughtful and courteous of the things you say to me/send me in my asks. It's extremely inappropriate to send me graphic descriptions of things you are going through/have gone through in relation to what I'm writing or what my works have depicted. It's unhealthy for both me and for you to send me unsolicited stories of detailed abuse, especially because I am in no position to help you.

It's normal for writing to illicit strong emotional responses, and I am genuinely so thankful that my writing has been cathartic for so many of you. You are more than welcome to share with me that something I've written has helped you, or touched you in some sort of way: I just ask that you please spare me the graphic details. It is damaging, and I will not respond to those asks and slap such heavy, unfiltered content for others to see.

You may think that you know me, and feel safe enough sharing such intimate details about the darker parts of your life with me, but I ask that you please don't because you truly do not know me well enough to dump anything heavily triggering like that onto me. It's very flattering, and I'm glad I come across kind, and as a safe person (because I try to be!!) but it makes me severely uncomfortable. I simply will not tolerate it.

I do not wish to discourage anyone from sharing their trauma, or experiences in general. Obviously, talking about things can be really healing and therapeutic. I am not saying you must keep everything to yourself and bottle up these very complicated feelings. I just beg of you to please ensure that the person you are speaking with is able and willing to bear the things you're about to share with them; and I am making it very clear that I am not that person. I wish I could be that person for everyone, but I simply cannot. The emotional turmoil, the stress of not being able to help, it's extremely unhealthy for me. Especially when I am essentially coerced into doing so. Share your experiences in a healthy, and beneficial way. Dumping an experience (or several) onto someone who has not had the chance to back out of the conversation is damaging, and something I can't afford and will not tolerate.

If you find yourself in need of someone to confide in, there are hotlines and other mediums of support you can seek. While I'll admit, sometimes hotlines or online help isn't always the greatest, it is certainly more effective than I'll ever be. Here are some resources (I believe based in the USA) if you find yourself needing them.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

RAINN Sexual Violence Support Hotline

It is gut wrenching knowing people relate to Bonnie in pet!au in any capacity, but I ask you guys to respect these very clear boundaries. I would hate to have to stop writing/take down the story because of inappropriate or harmful behavior in my inbox.

#announcement #important #pet!au

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befuddledcinnamonroll · 11 hours

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Oh these two idiots are both so gone.

Ooh, "creating art is about exploring what you like" is a nice line. So often we put too much into feeling like creativity has to end up with a good product, and less about what it can teach us about ourselves.

I like how this show talks about art. And New is making it so clear here that he does put a part of himself in all of his shows, whatever people might think. Respect.

And we're normalizing taking breaks and that you can't be productive and creative all the time! Fabulous.

We love a queen who makes the most of her background time.

I mean, valid question Peem, but also - pot, kettle, etc, etc.

Oh god, their actual boyfriend era is going to end me.

You know what I really love about this Phum/Peem scene? They're making it clear that mutual attraction is just one piece of the relationship puzzle. But the friendship still needs to be there, the caring when someone is having a bad day, and being there to pick them up. So many BLs gloss over the mutual support part of romantic relationships in favor of the swoony bits, but this is the kind of thing that makes a couple seem likely to actually last.

Also what does it say about BLs that I was so relieved they actually rolled up their pant legs at the pool? (Of course they still end up wet in the end, but it's the principle of the thing!)

Phum is just 100% always thirsty for Peem and I respect it.

Haha, love Q being all "hands off my baby, stat".

And they're communicating so openly! My sweeties.

Omg, omg, Fang trying to teach himself to express tenderness to Tan, I cannot.

Just go slow Fang, or you may kill this man with happiness!

Aaaaaah, not Pun finding a little bird and wanting to help it, going to Chain (of course), AND naming it Penguin.

I am already at lethal levels of cuteness overload, and we haven't even gotten to the FangTan scene yet.

Staawwwp.

Lolol, of course he got sick, he got wet for 30 seconds. But again we get the subversion, we're paying tribute to the sick trope, but not fully engaging! Heh, this show is so fun.

Has anyone else noticed the slight tone shift for Phum when he's talking to Peem? There's a new softness to it and it's adorable.

Toey, no, no crying wolf to your boyfriend!

But the pencil case thing is adorable.

I think the Peem and Q friendship chemistry might be my favorite in the whole show.

Lol, not Peem letting slip he slept with Phum last night!

Beer, you are such a champion. Good wingmanning, while also not excusing Phum's bad behaviors.

Oh, baby Phum being sent away, that's heart-breaking. No wonder he has walls like that.

I am loving these reveals with Fang. He's such an internal character, so we are unpeeling the layers slowly. But seeing how annoyed he is to not be able to reach Tan, and how fast Tan is able to make him smile again, makes it so clear how much he really needs him.

And the way he smiles so big when he thinks no one can see, but goes right back to pouty face with Tan because it gets him the attention he craves...

Whoever dressed Q for this series, I love you.

Phum going from self-doubt to full steam ahead the moment he gets reassurance his feelings are returned is delightful to see.

Omg, domestic Fang and Tan. But also Fang, you can learn to cook other things, y'know?

Lolol, Fang absolutely loves Tan's antics, it's so freaking adorable.

Aou and Boom always frickin bring it, we thank you for your service boys.

Also more trope play! Tan holding Fang down in the cliche way, but Fang still showing agency and not playing the blushing maiden. Perfect.

Ok, I liked the Kluen scene. He's being shown as a real person with a life of his own, he's not just the "rival". And Peem is being more straightforward with him.

Hahaha, Chain short-circuiting more and more as Pun gets closer.

MATT, WHAT THE HELL?! You do not interfere with my crumbs, dammit!!

Omg, not Chain just blurting out that he likes being shipped with Pun.

I love that everyone is shocked by Phum except for Beer, who is just like "yup".

I do typically hate public declarations, but I will let it go here, because the friend group is the key to the whole series.

Also, Pun is drunk again, so Chain better be ready for some biting! Chomp, chomp.

#we are #we are the series

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p-redux · 22 hours

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Well, folks, the day has finally come, I'm so angry about something, I can barely speak, let alone write. But write I will...

Here goes. I, Purv, in NO WAY, approve of Bcac's blog or her. It has come to my attention that after Bcac's account was deactivated by Tumblr and then quickly reactivated, she made this mention of me. 👇

First of all, what I said I said privately in a DM. If I had wanted to offer public support, I would have. I thought my DM conversations were private, apparently not. The person I DMed with has already apologized to me for betraying my confidence. Secondly, just because I said Bcac shouldn't lose her account does NOT mean I'm cool with her or her blog. I said in DM that I didn't think Bcac should have lost her blog, but because I think everyone should have freedom of speech, in general. That's it.

But now Bcac has taken what I said privately and weaponized it to try to legitimize herself with those other than the Sam-haters and Purv-haters she surrounds herself with. And THAT I'm VERY upset about.

Bcac has toned down her blatant displays of Sam hate because she realizes she has a captive audience of Sam fans who are waiting on his every move. And she provides that for them. But let me be VERY CLEAR, Bcac has disdain for Sam Heughan. And, she welcomes people who have disdain for him on her blog. And people who have disdain for me. She regularly commiserates with and allows comments from KNOWN Sam haters. They have harassed and bullied Sam and talked sh*t about the women he dates for years.

Here's a quick sampling of MANY examples, showing Bcac talking badly about Sam and allowing others to. 👇

Aside from the Sam-haters that Bcac welcomes on her blog, she also welcomes those who have made MY life hell for years and years. I recognize so many names from the past. People who harassed me all day and even tried to dox me. That's who flocks to Bcac's blog. Sam-haters, Purv-haters, don't be fooled thinking that's not the case. I can name names if anyone is interested in DM.

Bcac herself has talked sh*t about me privately and publicly on her blog. Here's a quick example of her making fun of me and also putting Sam down in the process. 👇

Here she is continuing to put me down, even making fun of my eye issues! 👇

Like I said, this is only the tip of the iceberg of Bcac and her followers mocking me. And she's toned it down significantly because she knows many of my followers now look at her blog too.

So, yes, I don't think Bcac should have had her blog deactivated, but ONLY because I believe in freedom of speech. Even for b*tches who talk sh*t about Sam and about me. And make no mistake, Bcac and her minions are b*tches. They're just hiding it better these days. Except for the blogger who shared my DM, she's not a b*tch. But I will be parting ways since I can no longer trust her. Silly me, I thought it was possible for someone to be best friends with Bcac and also be friendly with me. I should know better after 10 years in this Godforsaken fandom.

Tumblr only lets you post 10 pics, but if anyone is interested in more crap Bcac has posted about me or Sam, hit me up in DM, and I'll show you.

So, today is the day I draw the line in the sand. I don't want to ever hear Bcac's name or anyone associated with her. Why would I want anything to do with someone who puts me down? I'm not going to tolerate that. No one should. Soooo, anyone who is chummy to me on my blog, but then I get wind you're also chummy with Bcac, will get blocked. I'm done with this bullsh*t. I get it, she finds out Sam's every move and people want that info. So, go ahead and get it from her. But, you won't ALSO be able to stay on my blog. Am I making people pick sides? Absofuckinglutely. If that means I lose a lot of followers. So be it. I've decided I'd rather have no followers than two-faced people. I like Sam and I like myself. She doesn't like Sam and she doesn't like me. You can't be okay with her and her sh*t talking of me, and be okay with me. It's impossible. Simple as that.

Those of the more reasonable calm, Switzerland type personalities may not understand my choice. Those of the passionate, take a stand, have your back no matter what persuasion, will understand. Maybe it's my Italian blood, maybe, I've put up with too much betrayal and bullsh*t in this fandom. It is what it is. And what it is...is that I'll leave this post up for a few days for people to read it, and then I'll start blocking people. So, if you find yourself not being able to see my blog, you'll know why.

Again, this is not me being upset over some minor disagreement or Bcac constantly accusing me of stealing her stuff (funny, how a few days ago, SHE stole two exclusive pics I got of the Outlander cast at the Taylor Swift concert, but whatever), THIS is because she has said and says horrible things about me and about Sam. Obviously, she does it more in private now since she wants to keep her Sam fan followers. And so many eat her info up, not knowing she's secretly laughing about you in DMs with the Sam haters. I'm done turning a blind eye to it. And I want people to know how toxic she is to Sam. And to me. And that she used what I said about her blog in a very misleading way to make herself look good. "Look, even Purv thought I should have my blog back, I must be okay." Nope, don't get it twisted, sister. And the industry people in L.A. I know who know Sam personally were made aware a long time ago about all the Sam hate blogs, which means Sam was too. Those liking, reblogging, or commenting on Bcac's posts are guilty by association. JS.

For those who have supported me all these years, you mean the world to me. Loyalty is everything, so thank you. ❤️

PS. So much for not writing a long ass post. 🤷‍♀️

#purv #p-redux #sam heughan #sam haters #bcacstuff

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sysmedsaresexist · 3 days

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Hey we've been thinking about that "OSDD was a temporary diagnosis" post for a while and. it makes complete sense what you guys said but like. we can't get ANYONE to diagnose us as anything CDD, let alone anything that isn't going to give us the treatment equivalent of slapping a bandaid on a stab wound. Is there like, anywhere we could look further into P-DID/DID research on the subject? We're not comfortable moving off of the self diagnosis of OSDD-1b yet so we wanna be triple sure to get as much information as possible.

Thankies 💕💕💕

- 🐑 & 🌸 of the Constellation Collective

There's places all over to find that info, but I want to encourage you not to overthink it. You can dig deeper, you absolutely should, but the label... it doesn't matter. It's really, truly okay to get this one wrong and switch around between the labels or use them interchangeably. I promise. You don't need to be right, because you're right regardless (unless it's a misdiagnosis, but I'm going to talk about that at the end of this, because it's important).

I am diagnosed OSDD, but I call myself DID. It's easy, I understand that there's not that big of a difference, no one is going to yell at us (me or you) if it turns out that we have the other one. We're not misrepresenting ourselves. If it turns out I would only ever be diagnosed with OSDD, that doesn't mean I was wrong using the DID label, or that I was even mislabelling myself.

Whether you're diagnosed with DID or OSDD largely depends on where you live. I made a post about this a while back but I can't find it. The US is more likely to diagnose OSDD with minor amnesia than the UK. They're more likely to call minor amnesia DID (as they should). It's literally a dice throw, and not that important.

To quote my BFF, Colin Ross,

The dividing line between DID and most cases of dissociative disorder not otherwise specified is arbitrary [or OSDD]. Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. They are partial forms of DID with the same patterns of childhood trauma and co-morbidity.

Also this quote.

So on the one hand we have a vast swathe of people who are, or would be, diagnosed with OSDD as opposed to dissociative identity disorder but who show almost all of the symptoms of DID. Many people therefore see DID and OSDD as appearing on a spectrum, and prefer to conflate the two conditions so that DID/OSDD represents a range of dissociative experiences with more or less amnesia and greater or less elaboration and distinctive identity states or parts of the personality.

It is also what happens in practice: very few people would realistically distinguish between DID and OSDD.

And,

Both OSDD and DID are the result of the spontaneous action of the brain in response to trauma. Both contain different self-states, holding shards of memory and ‘unformulated experience’ (Stern, 1997). Both can be helped by similar approaches to therapy which encourage neuronal repair and result in brain growth such as increased hippocampal volume. Above all, all forms of dissociation need to be validated for their unique contribution to survival.

P-DID is a bit of a new one. Here's the ICD link to it, if you want to read more, but it's going to be the same as above. It's really not that important. Its main difference is that the system doesn't really switch, it's mostly intrusion (like feelings bleeding between alters and host).

These are really only useful for describing how your system generally functions.

Finally, misdiagnosis.

It's okay to be wrong completely. Maybe it's just BPD or OCD, autism, any of the number of disorders that come with identity confusion.

When someone self DX something like BPD and they finally get to therapy and find out it's literally ANYTHING else, we celebrate with them. Good job, you found answers! You're on the right path! You can get the right kind of help now. You did what you had to do in order to get by, and you did your best to try to understand yourself with the tools you had. The use of the first label wasn't malicious, you didn't hurt anyone by using it, and you probably got yourself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.

You are now a resource for those who are also trying to figure themselves out.

Who knows better what the difference between BPD and OSDD is than someone who tried out both and found the answer?

Being wrong doesn't mean you're bad, I don't know why we don't celebrate a misdiagnosis of DID like we do some others. We're all just trying to understand ourselves, and sometimes we're wrong. The point is that eventually we figure it out, and the journey there... recognizing a misdiagnosis is a GOOD part of your story, and it's an important story to share. You were still struggling, regardless of what label you used and what you're being diagnosed with.

Use the label that feels right to you. If you want to keep using OSDD, that's fine. You're describing how your system works right now, and that's perfect. Using DID or OSDD, you'll end up in the same place regardless-- hopefully this means with a good therapist who's going to take your symptoms seriously, but you're going to end up in that same chair no matter what label you're using.

I really hope this helped.

Also, I didn't really touch on it, but I'm sorry you're struggling to get a diagnosis. That must be incredibly frustrating. Don't give up. Unfortunately, the average is about 5 years for most. Keep advocating for yourself.

#not syscourse #did #osdd #osddid #actually dissociative #actually traumagenic #actually did #actually osdd #pro system #system safe #CDDs first #pro endo #plurality #actually plural

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holybibly · 14 hours

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hi!! i’m a writer myself and despite having mdni on my blog, i still get a lot of minors trying to with my work. i regularly have to check my followers for ages in their bio and i’ve even had minors come in my inbox telling me that i’m ’overreacting’ for not wanting them to read my writing. it’s gotten to the point where i’ve just turned off anon altogether, partially because of the weird people in my inbox and partially so i know i can be safe and not respond to minors by accident.

i guess what i’m trying to get at here is even though you have mdni on your blog, how can you be sure that the people in your inbox aren’t minors. there’s nothing physically stopping them from coming on your blog and sending sexual asks and you seem to facilitate these asks by responding in an equally sexual manner. i hope i’m not coming across as rude, but i just don’t see how you can be sure that you’re not engaging with minors when you respond to anons in a flirtatious and sexual way. if you somehow do check their ages, great! but since they’re anon, i don’t really see how that’s possible…

So, hello. Well, the wording of the question is rather crude to begin with, don't you think? And frankly, I'd prefer to take such questions to DM posts, but if you want to talk, you're welcome.

First of all, don't you think it's a bit unfair? Accusing anonymous people and then asking a question anonymously? I don't think it's very nice, or do you think I'm going to declare a witch hunt and go on a bashing spree? That's so stupid. Or do you just not like me? Because that's what it sounds like. In general, I don't mind you having an opinion, but by sending a message like that, you knew I'd respond to it.

Secondly, I know this is going to sound awful and you can totally throw a bunch of shitty comments and posts at me, but let's be honest, even if we check the age of our subscribers and readers every time they subscribe to us, when they ask us questions, comment, reblog, etc., where is the 100% guarantee that those people didn't lie about their age when they created their blog on Tumblr?

Go to any porn site; age verification is just a tick in the box. These are the horrible realities we face every day. The internet is a place where it is very difficult to verify anything, and unfortunately, there are consequences.

I am in no way supporting the sexualization of minors, and I am certainly not engaging in depravity, although you make it sound that way.

But I do know that there are many people who can't talk openly about their desires, sexual or otherwise; people who doubt their sexuality and self-acceptance; people who are judged for being different; people who are shamed for being too feminine or masculine; for having problems with daddy or mommy; or simply for being too quiet and shy. Not all of us are going to come out for manifestos and parades.

And in this case, the only option for them is anonymity. I repeat, I do not support the sexualization of minors in any way, and if you want to accuse me of encouraging such things, I suggest you look at some of the profiles of authors on AO3 who openly use sex scenes with minors and even children in the text of their work.

I don't know your social circle as a writer, and since you're asking this anonymously, I can't even check your work, but I think the problem is not whether I answer anonymous questions or not, but whether I talk to my bunnies at all. Every time I get messages like this, I think about it. You call me weird, angry, triggering, and now a lecher. Not directly, but the context is clear.

I've never written messages like that to anyone; you know, it's not nice. I've never intended to offend or hurt anyone with my replies or FFs. But apparently everyone around me, for some strange reason, thinks I'm some source of universal evil while trying to retrain me and change my character and disposition.

I really hope you are happy with what you are doing.

Bunnies, I'm sorry. There will be no updates for a while.

#bunny questions #sugar and sin

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harlowtales · 1 day

Text

A chance encounter leaves Jack searching for his Cinderella 🪄✨✨✨

18 plus - Adult Themes

PART 1

Jack saw you from across the New Balance store. He was getting fitted for tour and was busy recording in New York and had an appearance on the Tonight’s Show. He walked in and they rushed everyone to finish their purchase to let the superstar shop. You desperately needed a new pair of shoes with being on your feet all day at work. Since working nights the pain was getting worse. You didn’t take kindly to being asked to clear out and were so annoyed you didn’t even care it was him.

“I’m not leaving because some big shot walked in here.” You said pointing over to him which had Jack looking around slightly embarrassed but quite entertained with a smirk on his face. “That’s so disrespectful to your other customers. My feet are in pain!” You complained loudly and caused a bit of a scene.

“Can I help?” You knew the voice. Everyone knew that smooth Kentucky drawl.

“Not unless you work here.” You shot back rudely. Like how dare he?

“Slow down I didn’t ask for the store to be cleared out. I wouldn’t do that.” He said “hold on let me clear this up. Don’t move.”

You sat down out of sheer exhaustion and agony and waited on him for what reason you didn’t know but were too miserable to care.

“K it’s all good, just shop and take your time. You ight?” He asked with the crease in his brow characteristically showing concern.

“Since you asked I am in fact NOT ok. My feet are fucking killing me working night shift.” You replied honestly.

“For real? What do you do? Oh sorry I know you know and don’t seem to care but I’m Jack by the way nice to meet you…” he said extending his hand

“Zoey.” You said shortly. You knew he was a heartthrob but Jack did nothing for you. Although his height in person was impressive you just weren’t into slick fuck boys and didn’t get all the hype about him. He did look effortlessly good though with a backwards green hat that went well with his eyes, white tank and jeans with the New Balances on that he designed with his best friend Urban. There was a kindness in his crystal blue bedroom eyes and dimpled grin with an almost boyish charm the way he covered his mouth and bowed his head when he chuckled. It was staring to register with you a little bit why girls liked him.

“Nice talking to you Jack I gotta go find something good with amazing arch support” You said sounding every bit the old lady you felt like.

“Um ok no worries I’ll um…leave you alone but you had me shook for a minute I can’t lie. I like your spunk Zoey.” He said almost tentatively but kept an eye on you as you browsed.

“My spunk? Ok Connor, me and “spunk” need some shoes for these tired ass feet.” Your slight grin let Jack know at least you didn’t hate him for potentially ruining your one chance to get comfortable sneakers.

“Forget it bro. She ain’t with it.” Urban nudged Jack and whispered. “Not every chick digs you man just chill.”

“Yeah you right lemme relax. Something about her though” Jack mused as he played with the little tuft of hair under his lip trying to figure out his next move or to actually leave you let you be.

“Yeah like she could give a rats ass who you are and now you’re taking it as a challenge and want to crack her code, we’ve been here before fam. Just drop it we gotta go.” Urban said sensibly. Since he settled down he really wasn’t into Jack hunting down girls around him. He had fucked up once and wasn’t about to do it again.

Later that day Jack Tweeted on X as he now rarely did and sent his fanbase reeling “Hey Zoey I got you. Holler.” while holding his New Balance collab. X was going nuts and soon it spread like wildfire across all platforms and gossip blogs were crashing fielding questions about who this Zoey person was.

A few weeks later you hopped on IG. With night shift, school, and managing your little one you didn’t have time to scroll and had turned off notifications for everything. You hadn’t told anyone about your encounter as you had virtually forgotten about it by now. Nobody alerted you to anything as there was thousands of Zoeys in New York City and you never talked about being remotely interested in Jack Harlow.

As you scrolled finally having the time to get your nails done you dropped your bubble tea. “Mommy are you ok?” Your daughter Aaliyah asked you and picked up your drink with her little chubby hands lovingly handing it to you. You pecked her on the forehead.

“Yes bubs I’m fine.” You lied. Suddenly you felt warm and like you needed to lie down, but why? It was New York and famous men checked you out before but this was no regular feeling. You weren’t following him on IG but a hip hop page had the pic of Jack holding the shoe and said “Who is Zoey a.k.a Cinderella”. You swallowed hard, followed him on X and Tweeted back “I’m a size 7”.

PART 2

“Jack? You good bro?” Copelan said watching Jack’s face suddenly look like he’d seen a ghost. They were out just chilling grabbing some fast food which Jack didn’t do often but lately he felt off and everyone noticed.

“She…it took weeks for her to…” he said dumbfounded. He hurriedly called his assistant Kat. “Get me on a flight to New York ASAP. Cope pack a bag we’re going to New York” Jack had kept his Twitter notifications on to know the minute you replied and was just about to turn them off again and flag it under just another chance encounter.

The plane couldn’t go fast enough. He had to get back and see if there was a chance of what exactly he wasn’t sure. He didn’t like feeling out of control like this. He called the shots in every situation but you had a way of unnerving him. Most of the girls in his circle didn’t have much to do but hang out and look pretty. Here you were working a night shift. He had to know more. There was a story there with you for sure. He saw pics of your daughter and you on IG but no dad. He was hoping the coast was clear.

His assistant had already found where you work. Mt.Sinai Hospital. Him, Copelan, Kat, and his security hit the room and had a nap because from Kat’s sleuthing she found out your shift at the hospital started at 9PM. Exactly what you did he wasn’t sure but by the looks of you he was crossing his fingers you were a nurse.

“Ok everybody listen up! It’s going to be another crazy night. You know what to do, have each other’s backs and Zoey will be your resident med student tonight so let her know what you need.” The safety huddle was only 5 mins before everyone scattered for a busy night at the hospital. You were loving your new sneakers, got an A on your last assignment, your daughter was safe with your Grandma and you got an extra pep in your step with a hot large coffee.

Tonight was going to be good. You were finally awake and had a 2 week break from school. It wasn’t easy being in med school as a single parent but landing the gig at the hospital was a huge win. Aaliyah was finally able to get the glasses she needed. Poor little thing kept bumping into things before it was realized how bad her eyesight was at 5.

The night was wearing on but that large coffee had worn off. You had to fill in at the front desk for a bit and it actually was a bit slow. To keep from dozing off you put in your earbuds and put on some Jack Harlow. After you met him you started listening to more of his music and liked what you heard. You put your feet up and did nod off for a second. You woke up with a start by a tap on the shoulder.

“Does anybody fucking work around here or what?”

“JACK????!” You screamed “WHAT THE FUCK”

“Hello is more like it young lady.” Jack said cheekily sitting on the front desk counter swinging his legs preparing to be a total nuisance.

“How did you..???” You said bewildered “When did..”

“I have my ways and I got in this afternoon.” He answered loving that he regained control by throwing you off so much. “So can you get off or what? I got your shoes want to take a walk and break them in?” he said producing a box of size 7 New Balances in his floral design.

“I…wow. Thank you so much.” You said blushing opening the box with a smile that showed your dimples.

“That’s what I like to see.” Jack remarked wholeheartedly. To see you smile and be happy rather than annoyed to see him like the first time made the whole trip worth it. “I also brought well…a smaller pair.” He said as Copelan handed him another smaller box for Aaliyah. “I hope they fit her.” He said.

“Jack I can’t.” You refused the pair for your daughter not wanting to send him the wrong message and not trusting him yet.

“Please. It’s just some shoes, we give them away to kids all the time. I insist.” He said convincingly

“So you’ve obviously been on my insta to know where I work and have a daughter.” You said not sure what to make of all this but cautiously accepting the small box.

“I also didn’t see no man on your gram.” Jack said confidently his manly side showing up in a big way.

“Yeah about that…” You said slowly “I’m too busy and Aaliyah’s dad passed away the 1st year she was born so it’s just me and her now.”

“Oh.” Jack said completely changing his posture to a more humble one. “I’m sorry to come all up in your space like this.”

“No don’t be it’s adorable. I just can’t you know…” You said trying to let him down gently. You saw his face drop and decided to make it up to him. “Let me work my magic and I’ll be right back.”

His face lit up and he jumped down from the counter excited. A few minutes later the supervising doctor came out. “So you weren’t lying! It’s Jack Harlow!” She exclaimed. “Nice to meet you” She said nervously shaking Jack’s hand way too hard and for too long. “You know what Zoey? Take tonight off we got it covered here.”

“Imma get you some sneakers too.” Jack said to her gratefully as he walked away with you. Just let Zoey know your size and I got you.”

“Seriously??!! Can you sign them?” Your supervisor said glowing.

“Done.” Jack said “I’ll send them signed.”

“Wow. So how long you been a nurse?” Copelan asked you.

“Um I’m in med school to be a doctor. Cardiac specialist actually.” You said a little tired of people always assuming women were nurses.

“Oops my bad. I didn’t mean..” Cope tried to recover but Jack just gave him a sign to stop.

“Look Jack I need to know where we’re going. I can’t be walking in too late.” You said worried about Aaliyah and knowing your Grandmother would not be having you coming in wee hours of the morning because you had been out with a rapper.

Jack opened the door of the black SUV for you and once nicely inside he sat beside you and took your hand and said “I know you’re a mom and you have a life and responsibilities and I totally respect that. Nothing crazy, let’s go for a bite to eat with the team so you feel safe. There’s no rush. I’m here for a few days because I wasn’t sure how this would go and in case you didn’t like that I surprised you I had time to go back in for more abuse until I had a relative level of success.” He chuckled and it melted your heart. You were starting to relax.

Dinner was fabulous. It was the fanciest restaurant you had ever been in. It made you a little scared because you were working hard and you didn’t want to give Jack the impression you could be bought and no way was he meeting Aaliyah any time soon. You never had guys in and out of her life and you weren’t about to start now. As glasses of wine clinked and the hum of rich conversation was all around you as you sat in your hospital scrubs you knew that without Jack, the way you were dressed, how ordinary you looked, you would never get in a place like this on your own. Your head was spinning. Forever the med school major you were thinking too much. “Why can’t I just enjoy this?” You thought in frustration.

Jack caught a vibe you were uncomfortable. He leaned over to you and whispered “Hey you want to go for a little walk? Get some air?”

“Sure.” You said immediately feeling claustrophobic.

He got up and pulled out your chair for you. As you stepped out of the buzzing Italian restaurant the night air was chilly so he gave you the light jacket he was wearing and rubbed your shoulders to warm you up making you full on laugh.

“That’s what I been wanting to hear. That laugh. That’s the spark in everything.” Jack said wistfully as you strolled together down the street in the city that never sleeps hitched under his arm. For both of you it felt like a dream. You leaned your head on him that sent a tingle through his body. He liked girls before but was this what love felt like? The feeling he said in numerous interviews he had never felt? Maybe it was the champagne but his head felt light and he felt a weight had been lifted off of him having you warm up to him like this. He just wished he could take you home with him. You, Aaliyah, your Grandma and make all your lives so much easier, but he knew that wasn’t possible, at least for now.

“Thank you Jack for all this I…” Jack interrupted what you were saying with a deep kiss. Steam was rising from the street with lights and sounds going fuzzy for that moment like you were in some surreal parallel universe. You didn’t expect his lips to feel so soft and the touch after so many years of not being kissed was almost overwhelming and old instincts kicked in to escape closeness.

“Oh god, Jack that was… oh my, I need to get home to Aaliyah.” You lied checking your watch. Everyone at home was sleeping not even aware you were not at work.

“Zoey please.” Jack pressed into your body gently going in for another kiss.” This time you felt yourself wilt and totally succumb to him. He backed you up against a brick wall as you hadn’t noticed you had turned into an alley that was hard to see what was happening but you felt completely safe with him. Too safe.

“I need you Zoey.” He said breathlessly as his hand drifted lower and lower to your behind. You pushed your tongue into his and felt him rising. Was it going to happen here? In the open like this?

“Jack no this can’t happen here.” You said weakly protesting as he kissed up your neck.

“I wouldn’t expect anything now.” He said “I’m just savouring this moment. Why don’t we head back sweet Zoey, songs are written about girls like you.”

PART 3

In dropping you off Jack walked you to your door. An old brownstone row house you shared with your Grandmother and daughter. As you were saying goodbyes and you were standing in the doorway Aaliyah snuck right past you. You didn’t even hear her coming. With pyjamas on, a curly mop of hair, rubbing her eyes with a teddy bear she was suddenly looking at Jack bewildered.

“Hi.” She said to him shyly and hugged your legs.

“Aaliyah hunny I’m sorry to wake you up.” You apologized picking her up and hitching her on your hip. This wasn’t supposed to happen! Now she saw Jack and Jack saw her.

Jack was immediately taken by Aaliyah. She was a mini- version of you and he felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. It was hard to contain what he was feeling and not be super goofy with her in some way. He hoped to have a few of his own one day.

“Hey Aaliyah right? Pleased to meet you I’m Jack.” He simply said not wanting to overwhelm the tired little girl.

Aaliyah rested her groggy head on your shoulder and stuck her thumb in her mouth. “Well Jack as you can see I have to tuck her back in. Thank you so much and I apologize for how I acted when we met.” You offered.

“It’s all good. You were going through it that day. Bye Aaliyah, have sweet dreams. I got you a gift and your mom is going to give it to you tomorrow ok?” Jack said rubbing her back.

“Ok Mr.Jack.” She said sleepily

“Zoey, can I please see you tomorrow?” Jack asked cautiously hopeful.

“Jack I have to spend time with Aaliyah tomorrow.” You replied.

“Ok I can come with, if it’s ok. Aaliyah can I hang out with you and Mommy tomorrow?” Jack asked her

“What are you doing? Don’t ask her that, she’s not ready for that.” You shot back at him turning away cradling Aaliyah as she drifted off back to sleep.

“She’s not ready? Or you’re not ready.” He countered. He wasn’t going to back down easily.

“Jack…” you started to say

“I’ll pick you up at Noon.” He interrupted. You had successfully curved guys for years but feared you just met your match. “How’s the Zoo sound tomorrow for this little sleepy bubs.” Jack said affectionately.

“I call her bubs.” You said frozen in surprise at him using that word.

“I knew this was on some serendipity vibes meeting you. I hope you’re ready to make some changes in your life Zoey cuz this is happening.” Jack said firmly

PART 4

Aaliyah waited by the window for the man that gave her the pretty sneakers with flowers. She liked that he was nice to her mommy and made her smile because mommy didn’t smile that much. She saw the Black SUV roll to a stop in front of her house. He started walking up and rang the doorbell. Aaliyah jumped down from the couch “Mommyyyyyy!!!! Mr. Jack is here!”

You were in your room breathing and talking to yourself that everything would be fine. “It’s just the Zoo, it’s just the zoo.” You said calmly while freaking out inside. That kiss lived in your head rent free since it happened and made you nervous to see him again. You jumped when the doorbell rang and Aaliyah called for you. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror scrutinizing every last detail of your outfit. Hoop earrings but not too big, jeans with a rips in the knees, Jordan’s and a Nirvana hoodie, light makeup, and sloppy but controlled bun. This was a day at the Zoo with a pre-schooler not exactly the time for impressing Jack, and in fact you didn’t want to send the message you were too available.

Jack had a personality that was very strong, quiet, light hearted but energetic all at the same time. He was almost as much of a handful as Aaliyah. You were adjusting to who he was feeling awkward and out of practice going on dates. When you made it downstairs Jack, his Security, Copelan, his assistant, and the driver were all in the living room talking to Aaliyah and your Grandmother. They were eating some fresh homemade banana bread and sipping some tea out of the good tea set. Granny only broke that out for damn near royalty.

Aaliyah was enjoying the extra treats she was getting because there was a guest. She sat happily having an extra piece of banana bread which was her favourite and playing with a new Barbies Jack instructed Kat to pick out for her at Wal-Mart early in the morning. He knew the key to your heart was him treating Aaliyah right and he was holding back from spoiling the little girl or you. He had brought you flowers but that’s it. He could tell showering you with gifts would make you run.

As you appeared in the doorway everyone stopped and looked at you. Jack swallowed hard because he thought you looked naturally gorgeous. Copelan nudged him because he had his mouth hanging open and was staring. “Miss Zoey you had this poor man waiting on the stoop I had to entertain and feed him poor thing was hungry.” Your Grandmother said in a chiding tone.

“Thank you Granny for entertaining everyone while I took a whole 5 minutes to come down.” You said sarcastically. “Aaliyah you remember Jack right?”

“Yes and he brought me Barbies!” Aaliyah exclaimed

“I see that. Don’t get spoiled.” You cautioned her sternly. “Shoes and Barbies in less than 24 hours. Wow okay thank you Jack.” You said disapprovingly.

“Zoey! So rude!” Your Grandmother said in shock you would say that to the only date you had in years that happened to be so handsome and charming. “I’m sorry for my Granddaughter’s attitude Mr. Harlow.” She said turning to Jack embarrassed.

You were mortified and turned crying running upstairs and slamming your bedroom door. “What is wrong with me?” You said sobbing uncontrollably.

“It’s ok Mr.Jack Mommy cries a lot.” Aaliyah said while playing with her Barbies.

“I got this. Guys we’ll meet you in the car. Aaliyah I’ll go check on Mommy ok.” Jack said concerned it was so normal for the little girl to see you cry like that. He gently knocked on your door. “Zoey? You ight? Can I come in?”

You were surprised he hadn’t left. You blew your nose, straightened yourself out and opened the door. “Hey” you said humbly knowing you were totally out of pocket a minute ago.

“Hey.” Jack said softly holding out the bouquet he brought you like some sort of peace offering. “May I?” He asked gesturing to wrap his arms around you to which you tearfully nodded. “No matter how hard you try I’m here. Even if this goes nowhere. I know this is a lot for you and I been holding back to not overwhelm you but if I don’t push a little Imma get nowhere.”

Jack continued holding you and tilted your chin up to look him in his blue eyes. “I’m just trying to get to know you. I didn’t fly all the way back here with my team to make you feel bought and paid for. I genuinely think Aaliyah is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen because she’s a mini you and I’m hoping…Zoey I….I’ve fallen for you and dammit Imma fall as hard as I want to. You’re not the only stubborn one up in here.”

Jack disarmed you once again with his caring calm voice and his warm embrace. “I don’t deserve you. I’m a single mom, I’m not anything to date a famous person. I don’t know how to act or what to say.” You said frustrated with yourself.

“Zoey, that’s why I like you. You’re just you. I haven’t seen you try to impress me once since I met you and you don’t know how much that means to me. Barbies? I held back from buying Aaliyah that whole damn toy store. I’m trying to go at your pace but you gotta let me do something to show I care. So can we go to the Zoo? I’d really like to get out of your bedroom because 3 more minutes and we are taking this convo to the mattress. That messy bun is my kryptonite.”

You giggled and gathered yourself to have a great day. “I’m going to the Bronx Zoo with Jack Harlow and it’s perfectly natural right? What in the actual fuck is going on??!!!” You thought as he helped you into the luxury SUV with the most plush seats you ever sat in holding your hand all the way to the Zoo.

PART 5

“Mommyyyyy!!!! Look!! The giraffes have suuuppper long legs like Mr. Jack.” Aaliyah said delightfully not in any way trying to insult Jack. She was quite taken with him hitching a ride sitting on his shoulders.

Jack thought it was adorable “Can’t beat kids for their brutal honesty” He said with a giggle.

“Wow now I can’t unsee it.” You said with a straight face looking at him and looking at the giraffe. Jack thought he was the only one that could joke sarcastically serious but he was wrong. Most girls would be afraid to come off rude and be putting on a show for him on their best behaviour but not you. He’d already experienced you being down right rude and a crying mess so this was a step up as far as he was concerned.

The day was super fun but on the way home both you and Aaliyah fell asleep on either side of Jack putting your full weight on him. Kat thought it was so cute she took a picture. “Don’t post that it would piss my baby right off.” He whispered in a chuckle feeling like the luckiest man in the world.

“Your baby?” Kat said with a smirk “Careful Jack it sounds like you have feelings after all.”

“I have lots of feelings I just make sure I stuff em down as far as I can cuz when I settle down it’s gotta be forever. I have big shoes to fill with my Grandparents and parents married for so long.” He said so seriously it gave Kat tingles. She was so happy to see this side of her boss. “I can’t fuck up my whole bag on some gold digger. This one right here…might be it” He said pecking you on the forehead waking you up.

“Oh geez I’m so sorry I fell asleep on you!” You said with a start.

“It’s fine. I’m glad y’all enjoyed it.” Jack said

“I never been to the Zoo. My parents died before…and then her dad…I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. We had a ball Jack.” You said not wanting to ruin the moment. There was plenty of time for sob stories. You happily pecked him on the cheek.

“That’s why you cry a lot.” Jack said looking at you like his whole world.

“How did you know that?” You said incredulously

“A little birdie told me.” He said looking at Aaliyah passed out leaning on his arm.

“Yeah that little birdie sings like a canary sometimes.” You said frowning at your daughter for spilling that tea.

When he dropped you off it was turning into evening. Granny was cooking up a storm disappointed Jack couldn’t stay for dinner. Jack had Aaliyah on his shoulder and carried her upstairs. You tucked her in and met him in the hallway. He pulled you in for a long kiss his hand grazing your breast but he pulled it back. “One day soon Jack, I promise.” You said breathlessly. “It’s not like I don’t want to I just…”

“You don’t have to explain but if I don’t hit the road we gone make a movie in your childhood bedroom and Granny tryna feed me.” He said completely serious but you snorted a laugh.

“Mmmmm I hope we make a movie and a sequel.” You said caressing his built chest through his TShirt.

“Zoey please I’m getting a hard on stop it.” Jack said in mock protest. “Im tryna turn over a new leaf here and behave myself.”

“You’re right. Aaliyah is all I can handle.” You replied rolling your eyes at her bedroom door. “Unless….”

“Unless what?” Jack said sexily leaning back against the wall while you put your hand on his generous bulge through his trackpants

“Zoey…..” he moaned

“Come to my room.” You said daringly pulling him in and locking the door.

Granny heard a thud from upstairs as you both flopped on the bed and just shook her head giggling to herself as she finished the macaroni and cheese she was making to go with the pot roast. “I guess he’s staying for dinner.” She said

@itsyagirljaz @okaaay-mice @ride4harlow

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