i like to think goth is a gender in of itself

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

okay note that nonbinary is an umbrella term, and applies to a vast range of gender identities, but it's my personal preference to use it as is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels. more power to you if you are though, but anyway.

essentially when i refer to mizu as nonbinary it means that i interpret mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that by nonbinary it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no one way to identify as anything, and everyone views gender in a specific way.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is an inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier, plus it's what the creators use, and because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my stance.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

abt your post abt bi women belonging in the wlw community just as much as lesbians : i was reading the replies and youre so right abt how ignorant people are abt what comphet really is. im a lesbian and like yea i think we would experience comphet in the most intense way since were not attracted to men in any level, but comphet isnt only abt that, its a symptom of the patriarchy forcing women to center men in their lives and hell even straight women experience comphet, let alone bi women. people just have thrown around the word comphet so much they dont even know the true meaning

I was actually gonna post abt this soon LMAO so yeah!! I think it's also a misunderstanding of what "heterosexuality" as a dominant social force is to say that lesbians who are not attracted to men can experience "comphet", but bisexual women who are attracted to men cannot experience it. "Heterosexuality" as it is defined by dominant social forces is not only "a relationship between a man and a woman" - it's almost always a relationship between a "masculine" man and a "feminine" woman, and quite often a relationship between a man and a woman that results in monogamous marriage and childbirth. When people write about comphet, they're not talking about how movies and TV and fairy tales and children's books and my parents and my teachers and my religion all came together and told me to want to fuck genderfucky bi guythings. There is a specific kind of man centered in the heterosexuality enforced onto women, and a specific kind of role that a woman is expected to take on in that heterosexuality. I think the idea that bi people (women especially) cannot experience "comphet" overlaps a lot with people who believe that all bisexual people have the capability to become "straight-passing" if they enter different-gender relationships, which is in and of itself based on, in my observances, the belief that "gay/lesbian culture" and "bisexual culture" are completely distinct and that bisexual people are in some way innately less capable of being gender-nonconforming (or as some Tumblr scholars will call it, "visibly queer"). Bisexual people often date each other, we're often trans and/or visibly gender-nonconforming, and that's not something that we can just turn off the minute we enter into a quote unquote "heterosexual relationship." I'm bisexual, I'm nonbinary and id as both a man and a woman (so I take part in all these "sapphic" conversations etc etc u know the drill), I'm weird and kinky and switchy, I'm polyamorous, right now I'm dating a cis butch bi girl and a trans + nonbinary pan guy. At this point in my life I have absolutely no interest in relationships with cishet men, I don't want to get monogamously married, I never want to have children. I have not performed heterosexuality any better than, idk, a "gold star lesbian" has, and I FEEL it, I'm given shit for it, every relative I have pressures me already about boyfriends and grandkids and whatever. I do think there are bisexual people sometimes who do conform more to Straight Society but a) I think there are an equal amount of gay guys and lesbians who conform to Straight Society tbqh and b) it doesn't cover the breadth of bisexual people who do exist and who do feel the pressure to conform to the mainstream, dominant social system of heterosexuality and who CANNOT conform to it any more than you, anon, probably can. So yeah TL;DR bi girls can definitely experience "comphet" lmao and people are probably gonna hate that I said that

So bisexuals were asked: What’s your least favrourite definition of pansexual.

-------------------------------

-110% would have to be hearts not parts

-Every single definition because they're all biphobic/transphobic

-The one where they like people for their personalities whereas we bi's like people for their gender 🙄 so does literally almost everyone else; you're not special or a different sexual orientation because you're attracted to people with good personalities

-“men, women, and trans” the way they don’t consider trans men to be men & trans women to be women is just something else 🤢

-“Personalities”

-“Bisexuality only means men and women! Pansexual includes trans people!” Like…. Ok just admit you don’t think of trans people as their gender yikes

-Whenever they say “but, bi means two..”

-bisexuals don't date NB and trans people but pans do

-pans are attracted to personalities regardless of gender

-bi means two, pan means all

-Can’t pick just one, it’s all trash

-“We date the nonbinaries and transes unlike those stinky bisexuals who only date cis men and women”

-They’re all terrible - I hate the “they have a lot of overlap but the distinction is important to some 😌” bc a lot of people don’t see the issue with it and use our justified anger as reason to vilify us

-Claiming bi doesn't include trans people

-I remember a guy who said he was pan because he was "attracted to cis girls, trans guys, and afab non binary people".

-Equating pansexuality with "moral superiority."

-The whole "bisexuals only care about a person's gender, and pansexuals care about the person themselves." Or "bisexuals only like 2 genders, and pansexuals like all genders like trans and nonbinary people."

-When they mention bisexuality in it

-The whole "only pansexuals date trans or nonbinary people", attempting to redefine bisexuality while stealing our definition of regardless of gender for themselves, or how "morally superior" they are while saying and doing the most homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, and intersexist shit.

--------------------------------------

These are common answers I get when I ask what people think the difference is between bi and pan. Every single answer denotes that any and every definition of pansexuality commonly used is dependent on some form of biphobia, transphobia, bi-erasure, misinformation, and even a narcissistic belief of moral superiority overall.

To deny that modern day pansexuality is not only bigoted in one form to both the bisexual and transgender communities or it's overall damaging to the LGBT as a whole. All of these answers proves that pansexuality is not needed and only continues to propagate harmful stereotypes against LGBT people.

where is the line between transmasc/genderweird lesbians and Men with a capital M? i dont think there really is one, but as a lesbian who straddles that line, people are constantly trying to shame me onto one side or the other and its exhausting. i think sometimes the ppl trying to protect our community by keeping men out end up targeting mostly ppl who are in between or overlapping categories and are typically trans, instead of like, Cisguys preying on dykes. its become a real problem in the community just being visibly trans or butch tbh

i don't think it's possible to articulate A Line. i agree with you and don't really have anything to add!

i'll just say what i've said before. it's fuzzy/blurry. the nuances and intricacies of someone's gender through the narrow slice the internet (on anon!) is not enough for a stranger to make any sort of call about! it's something that individuals with non-binary gender experiences gotta use their own discretion about. people should go about these things with a mindset of using their best judgement and engaging in good faith, instead of like, pushing the boundaries of what is "allowed". instead of seeking approval and validation, seek to look inside onesself and determine 'is this for me? is this space for me? do i genuinely feel like i'm intruding and pushing the boundaries or do i feel like i'm being pushed out and unjustly excluded?'. those are different feelings and while i can imagine it's hard to discern sometimes, maybe talking with your irl people you can figure it out. yeah sometimes you gotta ask a clarifying question here and there to the organizers of the space in question -- i certainly do when seeing (nonlesbian) events for "femmes" and stuff like that haha!

i'm sorry that you're dealing with people being shitty to you about straddling the line. i know i see it, people having this like compulsive need to find rules and permission and categories for everything, needing to push people into one box or another in order to make sense of them, to know how to see you and treat you. and it sucks! it sucks even more because the boxes are WRONG! it hurts and they don't get you.

for ME, when i say "no men" i mean people who are men period. no additions no explanations no complications. just a straight up man. a fully binary man, if you will. i do not intend to apply this to people with funky genders. to trans folks straddling lines. i think if someone is genderweird or got somethin funky goin on they aren't a straight up Man capital M with no qualifiers! do you see yourself as a man or not, deep down? (general you, not you anon!) i do apply it to trans men and cis men alike. i see no reason to separate the two as if trans men aren't really men. because there ARE binary trans men. there are binary cis men! there are a LOT of them out there in the world! some of them are even on tumblr! are there ALSO trans men that feel also kinda butch at the same time and like a little dykey? maybe. i dunno any personally so i'm not gonna make harsh calls and big rules and statements. i'd expect people to make their own judgement calls and use their discretion and best judgment! i absolutely do not want to push someone out who feels that it is their community and that they deserve to belong in it. this is why i don't patrol my followers list except for bots (common lately ugh tumblr!) and obvious gross lesbophobes (quite rare).

sorry this got so long. lmao i say i'm not gonna add anything and then next thing i know you have an essay!! sorry!! hope it makes sense. basically i fully agree with you and i'm sorry you are having people shame you and push you. they should not do that and i do not support it and it is not what i think We should be doing as a lesbian community.

I just feel like the entire idea of trying to recreate a binary system via categorizing people as “binary” or “not binary” is a total failure of the trans rights movement. I think if we are serious about dismantling sex segregation it is completely contradictory to then act like there is a tangible difference between the experiences of trans individuals based on what labels they use— And that’s all that binary vs nonbinary really amounts to, semantics and interpersonal identity, because at the end of the day there are “binary” trans people who “boymode” or “girlmode,” who never fully medically transition, who actively choose to live a lifestyle or present in a way that is completely gender nonconforming, while there are self-identifying nonbinary people who fully medically transition and comfortably live as the opposite sex. The trans community has put soooo much emphasis on the fact that there is no wrong way to be trans and yet still seems so convinced that there is any tangible way to delineate between binary and nonbinary identity, it’s just ridiculous. Systemically and materially, nobody is enacting different policies or treatment against binary and nonbinary trans individuals, and the issues one of these groups face 1000% overlaps with the issues the other does to the point that there is no good faith reason to make a distinction aside from regressive and dismissive “I have it worse than you” finger-pointing.

I genuinely believe that all trans people, regardless of where they are in their transition or how they identify, are “not binary” in a way that matters in western cishetero society. The gender binary doesn’t have space for trans identity. It’s built on reproduction, sex segregation, the nuclear family unit, heterosexuality, gender roles, and a plethora of expectations related to sex and the body that trans people can AT BEST try our absolute damn hardest to conform to but frankly never fully will. Trans women are not seen as “binary women” and trans men are not seen as “binary men.” The vast majority of society, even queer/LGBT spaces, mean something very particular when they say “man” or “woman” and trans people are not included within that category no matter how “binary” their identity is.

I’ve said it before and I will keep saying it, I identify as a “binary” man because that is how I view myself and it’s what best describes my material desires, how I wish to be perceived and the choices I’ve made for my body. But I also have not undergone bottom surgery and I have no plans for a vaginectomy, by choice. This is a deeply personal decision for me but it’s one I don’t mind sharing in part because I think it’s an experience worth talking about— I’ve jokingly said that the gender binary has no place in it for cuntboys but I mean it! I have referred to myself as genderqueer in the past despite calling myself “just” a man because my experience with gender is “queered.” The labels I use or the way I perceive myself doesn’t negate that the choices I’ve made regarding my body and my life mean that the gender binary will never be something I fully fit into. I think trans bodies are inherently nonbinary and I think that the trans experience is inherently nonbinary, because the gender binary is just as much tied in with conforming to the cishetero sex binary as well. Our bodies are not binary male or binary female. Just the act of choosing to take our identities into our own hands and modify our body to our choosing displaces us from the binary. And I’d even go a step further and say that one of my big issues with the trans community at large right now is the fact that so many trans activists have fallen into this milquetoast respectability mindset that sex is an immovable, fixed reality and as trans people it’s just our gender changing, not our sex. This is not true. Sex is not fixed, sex is not a binary, & transsexuality is real.

How do I know if I’m bigender or simply a masculine dressing cis woman?

I do have sexual fantasies about having a dick. Also could live without my boobs. But I don’t really have gender dysphoria.

How do I go about figuring this out without throwing myself into something I don’t belong?

Unfortunately, the questioning process for both gender and sexuality requires you to consider labels that might not apply to you, just the same as it requires you to consider labels that do apply!

Fortunately, there are plenty of reasonable folks in queer communities that are a-okay with people questioning their labels and coming to the conclusion that they had it right the first time.

If you join a particular community with genuine questions about yourself and an open mind, then the absolute worst case scenario is that you decide the label isn't right for you and now you understand a new group of people better.

That said, through personal observation I've noticed a lot of overlap between butch women and trans men [also femme crossdressing men and trans women, though they're less relevant to this question], and most of the difference comes down to the individual's personal feelings and examination of which differences matter. I'm in a similar place to you and for a while [had identified as pan since I was 15-16, didn't identify as bigender until 21-23] I thought I was a masculine woman, until I had a short haircut and was identified as a man by a stranger and realized it felt good.

So find the differences that matter to you, try out labels to see what feels best, and I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

-Mod Eli

I don't even necessarily agree it's the same as 'disagreeing with trans people ' (I find this perhaps harmfully reductive to both issues beyond the right to identify how one wishes, really? Particularly these days. Otherkin aren't having specifically targeted forced detransition in some places beyond the demographic overlap.) But I do find it absolutely bonkers to feel the need to say "I don't agree with otherkin".... Just, at all? I don't agree with Christians, Jewish faith, or in fact most any established religion; I don't make it a hill to die on. I just act about an adult about it, saying privately to myself "that isn't for me" and move on with my life. Who gives a shit if you agree with them? Do you not quietly disagree with people all the time? I don't like Voltron, should I outspokenly not agree with Voltron fans?

Yeah, hence my note as to the fact that they're not the same, there's just a parallel that I find useful in illustrating to people why it's not a good argument. It helps people wrap their brains around it to say "okay, we agree that this isn't okay to say to [x] group for [a b c] reasons. Why do you then think it's okay to say to [y] group? What difference is significant and relevant enough that it makes this a valid argument against [y], but not [x]?"

(And sometimes there is a strong answer to that question! This is the case for, for example, when people try to use this when arguing that pedophilia should be treated like a sexuality by saying "well, if you said this about gay people, it'd be bigoted!", because there's a key difference (several, depending on what argument exactly they're talking about) that makes the argument valid against one group but not the other. It's not an automatic gotcha - nothing is - it's just a tool to force yourself to re-examine your arguments and see if they actually hold up under scrutiny.)

Regardless of that detail, your main point I definitely agree with. People are allowed to not believe my soul is a dragon's or whatever - but it would be rude to go into my community and start telling me about that, for the same reason it would be rude to walk into a church and start complaining about how you don't think God is real.

Furthermore, I would argue that to say you "don't agree with" something like otherkinity doesn't just mean disagreeing on how the metaphysics of the world works like with a religion, it means "I don't agree with you about your own subjective, internal experience of identity", which is why I used the parallel to gender instead of religion. It's not disagreeing about the metaphysics of the world at large, it's Person A disagreeing with Person B's report of their own internal experiences - effectively saying "I know your identity and experiences better than you do." You can disagree with me that my soul is literally dragon-shaped, because that requires a belief in souls and that those souls can take nonhuman shapes - but you can't disagree with me that I identify as a dragon, or that I experience instincts, shifts, etc., because you are incapable of knowing my own internal experiences better than I do. Whatever your private explanation for why that might be, to simply say "no, that's not possible" is to demand either that I'm lying about my own experiences, or that I'm wrong about them (and thus that you have the authority to dictate that).

Which, I don't know which of those things the OP of the post that brings this up meant, though it seems likely to me it's the latter, since the former is hard to pull off when there's so many different explanations for why one might be nonhuman - it's hard to disagree with all of them. But the point stands regardless that even if it's the former, there's still a difference between having different metaphysical beliefs from someone, or even discussing your different beliefs and why you believe what you do in a mutual discussion, versus walking into their house unprompted to tell them you disagree with them.

I'm in favor of dropping the T from LGB but more in the way of classifying transness within the disability/disorder group so putting the T with LGB is almost insulting. People with naturally occurring variant sexualities shouldn't be lumped in with people who have an incredibly unfortunate medical condition, basically the same reason why intersex people shouldn't be lumped in under the LGB label, unless we all want to agree that homo and bisexuality is also a medical condition that can be treated I think there should be some kind of change with this

Eh…. Idk I have conflicting feelings about it. Trans people have been historically included in the community because of a lot of overlap in the struggles faced by SGA and trans people.

It does seem like there’s something to be said about the L, G, B, and T sitting down and addressing some of the batshit things happening in the community and how each is effecting the others. I think that there’s a way to kind of regain the mutual respect that the LGB and T have had for each other, especially given that a lot of LGB people later realize that they are trans and a lot of trans people are SGA.

Maybe there’s a way to have co-communities that have similar goals and activism but will ultimately prioritize SGA or trans respectively, but I think it could easily also cause a lot of problems between them if they’re put into entirely separate groups given the current climate and attitude around trans extremists and LGB transphobes. I don’t really have an answer, but I think I would rather the LGBT get its collective shit together and talk it out like adults rather than doing some petty civil war shit.

If youre attracted to trans men you aren’t a lesbian. That’s just rebranded transphobia and calling us women.

Hey, I appreciate you sending me this, and I'm sorry that I bothered you. This is something I think about a lot, actually.

Ever since I was really little, I made a point of dressing in "boy" clothing and cutting my hair short. When I was 5, I asked a girl if I could be her boyfriend. I grew up in a small town in Alabama, and they didn't really know about trans people, so everyone called me a lesbian and a dyke. This may not be the most accurate label, and it's something I'm working on figuring out, but after considering myself a lesbian for most of my life and relating to that community, it's really hard to let go. Lesbianism made me feel safe and heard during a time in my life in which those feelings were very rare. However, that's no excuse for misgendering others.

I've dated/had sexual relationships with 4 trans men so far, and all 4 had been comfortable with me identifying as a lesbian. I had lots of conversations with each of them about the issue. As a transmasc myself, I've never felt uncomfortable about someone I'm with referring to themselves as a lesbian. You're actually the first person to tell me they had a problem with it, but that does not mean that you are the only person who's had a problem with it. I'm sure others have and they didn't feel comfortable enough to say anything to me about it. So thank you for talking to me about this.

I'm still working on figuring out a proper label for myself. Maybe I don't even need one. I'm not sure. I feel like there's a huge overlap between butch, nonbinary, and transmasc identities, and it's been something really difficult for me to navigate.

If you want to keep talking about this, feel free to DM me or send another anon if that makes you feel more comfortable. Or, if you've said all that you need to say to me, feel free to just not respond. You don't owe me anything.

Once again, thank you for talking to me about this, and I'm sorry for offending you. That wasn't okay. I hope you have a good day/night.

wip tag meme

tagged by @181230 and @ulfie-by-osmosis thanks for the tag bestie <3

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your wip folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.

okay so i opened quotev after a while for this and here's what i found!

my main wips (aka the ones i think about most / have most focus on)

the price of war: this is a riordanverse fic. to sum it up briefly, it's got an overpowered mc who passes out as much as hearthstone, and not a lot of happy stuff

shattered: this is literally just a feel-good fic about a bunch of queer friends and overcomplicated storylines. (it's set in marauders era - i will address this under the cut if for some reason u want to know about fandom stuff)

goldfish (aka heather): the lily rosier fic, no description needed bc she is world famous actually

demons: a marauders/pjoverse murder mystery

????: set in the star wars universe, it follows one of my ocs who's present in every fic i write and i view as a personification of the timeline. it's a bunch of angst and just super fun for me

trans gwen au: @ulfie-by-osmosis beloved, title says it all

fate and time: a mattfoggy fic inspired by the themes of the starless sea. i love mattfoggy sm they are gay ok goodnight

the ones i am not as focused on / other wips include the following. some of them have 0 written fic content

broken world: this is literally my mcu brainchild fic. it's mcu-universe compliant except aos was canon and my oc exists. she's desi btw and married to daisy and i love them

whatever it takes: to be honest, i forgot this existed. it's set in the shadowhunters universe and spans like. all the shit to be honest. it's a universe at this point

broken blades: it's set in the same multiverse as broken world is, but it's set in the fox x-men universe and follows a different oc. (for eye ra, her name is cas)

broken space: this is the timeline lady from ???? except make it mcu. yes there is a theme i am aware. yes the stories overlap. no they are incredibly different and quirky and unique

unbroken: this is my game of thrones fic! that takes place mainly in my head! it has three main ocs of mine. one is the timeline lady (re: ???? above) and struggles between keeping a promise to a dead friend and her present loyalties, one is hellbent on revenge for her brother's death, and the last is trying to escape the war

saving grace (title is under works): four best friends. chaos. absolutely no content available. hp era

oh my god we're all gonna die (title is under works): four best friends. chaos. absolutely no content available. pjo/hoo era

roses of summer: this is marauders again and loosely based off august by taylor swift

the lucky one: this is set in the mcu (mine maybe, maybe not) and it. doesn't really have a plot tbh; still a wip

i'm pretty sure i missed a bunch of fics but this is all my brain could come up with so YEAH

tags: @dishaashitposts and anyone else interested!

RE hp fics - i do not support jkr and the things she's said about the trans community. at the same time, i acknowledge that the harry potter books and universe have been so important in my personal life and i do not want to separate that. i have had fanfics before the onslaught of transphobia, and to be honest, i don't really need to sit and justify my writing of fics to strangers on the internet. a shit ton of these fics are purely for my personal enjoyment. they are my brainchildren. they make me happy. if u read this for whatever reason, i hope u have a lovely day and take care <3

Theres something to be said about the significant overlap between transandrophobia truthers and people who think trans men should be allowed to be lesbians.

something something entitlement to women's communities

hellooo so i have a question and idk if i should preface it by stating that im tranfem enby and well past my 20s but here we go: how can a trans person be transmisogyny exempt? i always thought tm was just an overlap between transphobia and misogyny, not transphobia specific towards trans women and tranfems but ive seen the latter be used as its definition more lately. i would say i experience tm, but having irl transmasc friends has thought me that they too experience it, sometimes in a slightly different form but it was still something that would be considered tm. i just dont understand where all that came from. i would honestly argue that cis people can also sometimes experience transmisogyny in cases such as being gnc or having stronger/softer features associated with one or the other cis binary gender. especially black women who are athletes and woc in general. so idk it feels like ive missed something? has it always been like that? i remember discussions about how you can experience transphobia without being trans being held so how is that (tme/tma) different? im sorry if i sound rude or condescending, it wasnt my intention!

You don't at all sound rude or condescending, and I appreciate the insight a lot!!

I think there are a couple of definitions of transmisogyny that sort of float around:

It seems like the original concept was that transmisogyny = transphobia + misogyny, which obviously would impact the entire trans community in some way.

Julia Serano's work seemed to cement the idea that transmisogyny is specifically about the oppression trans women (and most transfems) experience, and people bought into the idea that because trans women experience misogyny, trans men do not and cannot.

Thus, "transmisogyny" evolves to describe a specific set of ideas, and a specific kind of oppression, which lies at the intersection of transphobia and transmisogyny and specifically targets transfemininity.

Which is a perfectly reasonable outcome, imo, even if I disagree with some of the ideas that got us from Point A to Point D. Having a term that names and describes the arm of transphobia targeting transfemininity is genuinely useful and necessary.

That said, "targets transfemininity" is verbage I choose very carefully: I think it's important that we put the onus on the oppressor, and that we describe the intentions- and the beliefs that go into them- rather than the outcome.

"Transmisogyny" is not trans women being brutalized, it's the thing causing trans women to be brutalized. We need to be able to point the finger at the person doing the brutalization and to talk about why it's happening in the first place, or that person scampers off into the shadows to brutalize more transfems.

Which also means we need to acknowledge that sometimes, that person is going to be wrong. They're looking for certain traits they associate with transfemininity (stereotypes), operating on a internal set of motives and ideas (bigotry) that are, by nature, incongruent with reality. They're going to brutalize the wrong people sometimes. Those people will still be brutalized in the end. They were still brutalized at that person's hands, because of their bigotry. Because of transmisogyny. They are affected by transmisogyny.

I'm totally here for the current definition of "transmisogyny"; and I think it actually helps to have other terms for other arms of transphobia, because it means we preserve the (extremely useful, extremely necessary) specificity of "transmisogyny" rather than trying to expand it to cover a much wider range of experiences than most people understand it to cover nowadays.

Now we have a way to differentiate between the motives, patterns, and actions of our attackers, and a way to talk about them in greater detail; and that's really, really helpful in keeping them out of the shadows. That's a great start to keeping more trans people safe.

Hi, I'm a parent of a 14yr old who says he is a transmale. After reading the vocabulary list, is there a difference between transmasculine and transgender male? He has not transition yet but I'm trying to learn/do what I can to support his journey. Thank you and please accept my apology if I didn't use the correct descriptive words.

Lee says:

The difference is like the squares and rectangles thing!

All squares are rectangles, so all trans men fall under the transmasculine umbrella, but not all rectangles are squares, so not all transmasculine people identify as men.

Transmasculine is a term used to describe trans people who were assigned female at birth and identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity in some way.

Being transmasculine doesn’t mean that you actually identify as a man, it just means you’re A) masculine-leaning, B) transgender, and C) assigned female at birth.

Personally speaking, I identify as transmasculine because my gender expression and medical transition is bringing me in a direction society sees as masculine.

I also am medically transitioning to a body that people see as more masculine- I’m on testosterone, I’ve gotten top surgery, I’ve had a hysterectomy, and I’m scheduled for phalloplasty in the spring.

In terms of my gender expression, I usually have short hair, I’m growing a patchy quarantine beard, I wear men’s clothing, etc. But saying I have a “masculine” gender expression is an interesting thing because it depends on your point of view. Compared to my pre-transition gender expression I come across as much more masculine now, but compared to gender-conforming cisgender heterosexual men, I do not come across as masculine at all! People often assume I’m a gay man because I am gender non-conforming in some ways, like I have effeminate mannerisms and while I only wear men’s clothes I wear super skinny jeans and the like, so when I’m in a group of men they often think I am feminine, and therefore I must be gay because #sterotypes be like that.

So I use the term transmasculine because it can be helpful in describing what my transition is, like where I’m coming from and where I’m going to, even though I’m not stereotypically Masculine™.

Despite my masculine-esque appearance and transition, I actually identify as genderqueer and non-binary and I feel that my gender itself is neutral and not particularly masculine or feminine. 

I don’t understand what it means to “feel like” a boy/man, I don’t use masculine-coded words to refer to myself and prefer gender-neutral language, and I had a choice between being in a men’s group or space and a gender neutral group or space I’d always choose the gender neutral one. 

I’ve just always known that I would be happier in a more stereotypically “male” body and being in my pre-transition body was increasingly distressing after puberty. Some people who have similar feelings as I do might choose to identify as a trans man, but I’ve just never felt the need to do so.

So even though I identify with masculinity and would consider myself transmasculine, I don’t consider myself a trans male, and that’s how someone can be transmasculine but not a trans man!

Transmasculine is the umbrella term that covers both binary transgender men like your son and non-binary people like me who choose to transition in a masculine way.

In your son’s case, it seems likely that he is both transmasculine and a transgender male. He’d be transmasculine because he likely is transitioning (or wants to transition) in a masculine way and/or identifies with masculinity or male-ness more than femininity or female-ness, and he’d be a transgender man because he knows he is a man despite the gender he was assigned at birth.

So it’s possible to be transmasculine and a trans man.

That being said, there’s a bunch of different terms that people use within the community and which term someone uses depends on the context and what they’re comfortable.

Some trans men may not be particularly attached to the word transmasculine  as a self-identifier even though it’s a label they could choose to claim because they feel like it’s redundant or not necessary because saying they’re a trans man already conveys the same information that transmasculine does.

Transmasculine is a useful term for describing the overlap between the section of the trans male and AFAB non-binary community, but it doesn’t describe all AFAB non-binary people either, as some may identify as a trans neutral or eschew a broader umbrella altogether. 

So transmasculine doesn’t mean the same thing as assigned female at birth, and not all transgender people who were AFAB are also transmasculine.

Anyhow, being knowledgeable about the various self-identity terms people may use and how the various umbrella terms fit together is definitely a cool thing to do in supporting him, but I don’t really think it’s the most important thing! I’ll be honest, there’s a lot of terms out there that even I don’t know, especially specific microlabels for gender identities, and different people define and apply the same terms in different ways. But messing up on terms matters to some people more than others, so it is good to get an idea of the commonly used terms to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

In general, the most important thing you can do to support his journey is listen to him about what he needs and make sure you’re approachable so he knows that you will listen to him.

Now for some advice that you didn’t ask for! I just can’t help myself, so here we go.

I’d personally recommend looking into trans-competent mental health providers in your area. This is useful for a couple of reasons, the first being that pre-transition trans people often have depression because they struggle with being misgendered, incidents of transphobia, dysphoria about their bodies, being rejected and not accepted by peers/relatives/teachers, and so on, which is a lot to add on top of the usual stress from high school! And therapy can be helpful in finding strategies to cope with gender dysphoria.

Additionally, medical providers and insurance companies who follow the WPATH-SOC will require a letter from a psychologist saying that the person is ready to take [insert relevant medical transitioning step] so seeing a therapist is often the first step towards a medical transition, and at age 14 he might be interested in starting puberty blockers until he’s able to go on testosterone. Or he might want to start testosterone right away, or do neither, but having a therapist and getting diagnosed with gender dysphoria can help get through the gatekeeping process that may be present in medical transitioning if that is the path he decides he want to take.

But be careful of how you bring this up- you really don’t want it to come across as you saying “you’re trans so you’re mentally ill and you need therapy,” because the fear of conversion therapy means if you don’t make it clear why you’re suggesting therapy he might be hearing the completely different message of “you need therapy so you can stop being trans and get better” which is not your intent at all.

Every step makes your child’s life better- I legally changed my name at 17, which was hard for my parents to allow because obviously they were attached to the name they had given me at birth, but it made a big difference in my mental health. And the earlier people transition the easier it is for them.

It might also be helpful to offer to buy him men’s clothing and underwear and shoes and men’s deodorant and all that if he only has women’s things right now. He might be between the boy’s and the men’s sizes for clothes, but most folks can find something they can fit into.

You might also want to offer to buy him a safe binder from a reputable binder company. Binding unsafely can have risks, and if he can’t get a safe binder he might choose to bind unsafely with a cheap and dangerous binder or ace bandages or duct tape and so on, or bind for too long because he has to hide it and can’t get away to change out of it.

Buying a packer is another thing that he might want, but of course, with all of these things you also shouldn’t make assumptions about what your son will want or need. 

For example, some trans men may not medically transition and/or may not aim for an masculine gender expression because gender expression and genitals are different than gender identity. So even if he doesn’t want to go on testosterone, or decides to wear a dress sometimes or doesn’t pack, it doesn’t mean that he’s not trans.

You don’t want him to think that you’re saying that he should want these things or need them to be valid, or feel like you’re pressuring him into taking steps that he’s not ready for in his transition. But if you don’t bring up the topic at all, he might be too anxious to tell you about it because he’s worried about what you might think.

I do emphasize that being trans is rarely a phase, detransitioning is not common, trans people know who we are and we know our genders and you should trust our word on that and so on, but I think sometimes people push the “it’s not a phase!!!!” message so hard that they don’t leave any wiggle room for people who are still questioning and coming to terms with their identity. 

Especially at the start of someone’s journey we need to be open to some level of uncertainty and change. The only person who knows what someone’s gender identity is the person whose gender it is. It’s very important to take your son at his word! But figuring out your identity can be a process, so be understanding if he switches names, pronouns, or gender labels a few times while he’s still figuring it out. 

It’s likely that you will slip up with names and pronouns on occasion, and the best thing to do is just correct yourself, and move on.

You can briefly apologize (wait to do it later when you’re in private if it occured in front of someone) if you feel like it’s necessary. But don’t make it into a big deal, which calls attention to it and can be embarrassing for the trans person, and don’t start to self-flagellate about it and beat yourself up because then it makes it about you, and the trans person feels compelled to say “it’s fine” or something to reassure you when it isn’t fine.

Just correct yourself and move on, and do better next time! Then make sure you actually practice with his chosen name and pronouns so you make fewer mistakes in the future- practice makes perfect, as they say.

You should also make sure you’re an active ally to trans people in your everyday life if you weren’t already doing this. This is something you should ideally be doing whether or not you have a trans son who just came out. 

Finally, make sure you get the support you need. You might find seeing a therapist helpful for yourself, or connecting with a support group for parents of LGBTQ children- many are meeting on Zoom now, so if there isn’t a group local to you there’s probably one online you can join! Be careful to avoid the transphobic mom groups that promote conversion therapy, rapid onset gender dysphoria, and don’t believe in being transgender. Finding a good support group will let you vent when you need to and find community for yourself as well- it’s a lot to process, and it can be emotionally difficult for you on top of managing the logistics. 

But honestly, I wouldn’t recommend telling your son about anything you’re struggling with when it comes to his identity because saying things like “I feel like I’m mourning my daughter” isn’t going to make your relationship with your son any better. Especially because he’s 14, telling him that you’re having a hard time is just going to hurt him without helping you any, so it’s best to keep those feelings between yourself and your support system until you’ve reached that stage of acceptance when you’re no longer struggling with coming to terms with it. He needs to be reassured that you’re supportive of who he is and he won’t be able to reconcile your support with those statements, so don’t lie but don’t volunteer those sentiments.

The For parents/guardians intro has some of the same stuff as I mentioned above, like links to safe binders and packers and info on puberty blockers and the benefits of medical transitioning, so check that out too if you haven’t!

All in all, I think it’s really great that you’re reaching out and trying to support him! I know that even trans folks with really supportive parents still have anxiety about being rejected so it’s good to give them a little extra reassurance to show that you do care about him and that you do see him as male and you respect what he’s sharing with you. Good luck to both of you!

Followers, anything to add?

twitter really is just a place where young queers will say anything and totally erase the identities and existences of queer elders because they want queer identities to be in neat lil packages wrapped up in a bow so they know who ‘doesn’t belong’. as though gatekeeping has ever helped any queer ever.

i saw discourse just today about how bi lesbians are just “40 year olds stuck in the past” and aren’t valid lesbians. like, i’m sorry, you’re really saying that people who have been lesbians for longer than you’ve been ALIVE should be kicked out of the communities THEY HELPED TO BUILD because you’re terminally online and decided that the definition of lesbian should mean non-men attracted to non-men’ and everyone now needs to follow THAT definition? So now we’re just gonna take women from the past that were married to and dated men and were attracted to men, because bi women absolutely used to be included in the label lesbian before lesbian separatism, and we’re just gonna strip them of the label they used their entire lives because some 20 year old on twitter dot com decided they don’t deserve to call themselves lesbians??? Like, this person literally admitted that this is the way things used to be, but that we should exile these women from their own communities because they said so and they’re just “40 year olds stuck in the past” for not wanting to be exiled from their own communities and having their identities invalidated. like yes, ok, these days due to the success radfems/terfs had in demonizing men and therefore anyone who was attracted to men and throwing them out of the lesbian community, lesbian now has a connotation of not being attracted to men. and it is still a common lesbian experience to not be attracted to men.  but it isn’t historically correct or correct at all to say ‘lesbians can’t ever like men’ because there are STILL LESBIANS FROM BEFORE LESBIAN SEPARATISM ALIVE RIGHT NOW. There are people who identified as lesbians their ENTIRE LIVES and DIED as lesbians who had been married to men and had dated men! and they don’t stop being lesbians just because a bunch of radfems/terfs back in the 60′s or whatever decided they shouldn’t be allowed to be because “men [and they absolutely included trans women as men, btw] are icky!”  some random twitter users don’t have the right to strip queer elders of their identities.  the existence of bi lesbians literally isn’t an issue in offline spaces and i’m begging younger queers to have any sort of respect for the identities of the queers that came before them and not try and kick them out of the VERY COMMUNITIES THAT THEY BUILT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Identities are not cut and dry! There has historically been a lot of overlap between bi and lesbians! their histories are intertwined! anyways. This is just something i been thinking about literally all day is the kind of GALL you have to have to strip your lesbian elders of their identities and claim they are ‘stuck in the past’ for not wanting their identities robbed from them because they don’t fit your new terminally online definition of what a lesbian is.

tfw your friends validate what you’re feeling, and you weren’t expecting it, so you just sit and cry at your computer

So, a lot of you know I don’t like posting on other social media websites. When you work for a social media company, and you spend hours and hours looking at it, you don’t really want to deal with your own. It’s exhausting. I scroll through my Facebook maybe 2-3 times per day just to see what my friends are up to, like and comment on their stuff, and move on. I usually don’t spend more than five minutes on it at a time.

Well, I decided to post on my Facebook for the first time since January. For the past few days, I’ve been struggling with the news that came out of the Vatican (link here). Because I’m honestly lazy, I’ll just let my post speak for itself:

I've debated on and off about saying something regarding this story since I first heard about it a few days ago. I read news articles about it from different sources, listened to some commentary, and let it sit with me for a while. This morning, I finally decided to read the response straight from the source to form my own opinion. Honestly, I hoped that I heard wrong. I hoped in futility that there was a mistranslation or something.

I'd advise reading the whole thing since it's not that long, but this is what stood out the most to me:

"At the same time, the Church recalls that God Himself never ceases to bless each of His pilgrim children in this world, because for Him “we are more important to God than all of the sins that we can commit”[12]. But he does not and cannot bless sin: he blesses sinful man, so that he may recognize that he is part of his plan of love and allow himself to be changed by him."

It hurt to hear about and read. I can understand their point of view, but I can't agree with it. I just can't.

My belief in God has been on shaky ground since last year, possibly longer. I struggle to see evidence of a loving God in this world, especially the one I was taught about in church throughout the years. Agnostic bordering on atheist is how I'd currently describe myself. Maybe, someday, that faith and belief in a higher power will return. Maybe I'll gain new perspective and understanding as I continue on through life. Who knows?

But, honestly, I'm tired of trying to fit into the Roman Catholic Church. When I took RCIA back in 2014-15, I had recently come out as bisexual (later asexual). We had a class on the sacrament of marriage and holy orders. Hearing my classmates and teachers talk about how homosexuality was detrimental to marriage hurt a lot. I hid in the bathroom and cried. If it hadn't been 10 degrees outside, I would've left. But, I stayed. I hoped and prayed that the Catholic Church would see people like me, like my friends, like so many around the world, and they'd listen. They wouldn't see us as intrinsically disordered, and they'd see our love as a reflection of God's love.

Not only that, but I prayed to be fixed. I prayed to be straight. After I came out as trans, I continued hoping and praying---if not for acceptance and understanding, fix me so I wasn't trans anymore. Almost every Sunday before, during, and after mass, I had some version of these thoughts. Some were darker than what I'll post here. Eventually, I stopped going to mass altogether. I stopped praying in written form and non. I stopped trying to pray to what felt like nothingness.

That's where I am now. Again, maybe I'll regain my faith in some shape or form. But, I have a feeling that if I do, it won't be within the walls of the Catholic Church. Quite honestly, I'm tired of trying to fit myself into a place that made it clear it doesn't want me as I am: fearfully and wonderfully made AND queer.

I'm neutrois. I'm asexual. Those are parts of me I refuse to shelve and hide away as if they're disgusting or wrong.

As soon as I have the time and funds for it, I'm cutting off my long hair again so I can start feeling like myself again. Honestly, I miss looking in the mirror to see myself smiling back.

This is why I’m a little off today. I’ve been letting this eat at me for the past few days, and I didn’t dare bring it up to anyone. I didn’t want to make any of my friends uncomfortable by talking about religion, and I still don’t know how to approach the subject with my husband. His family is Catholic, and we’ll be going down to visit them for Easter... and I’m not out to them. Because there never seems to be a right time to do so and a bunch of other reasons.

My biological and incredibly liberal family doesn’t accept the trans part of me, so I really don’t feel like having my in-laws reject me too, y’know?

Honestly, I didn’t expect much after posting that. Maybe a couple of “oh good you’re finally getting out of the church” comments or the most basic “sorry you’re feeling like this” stuff. A lot of people tend to believe that there isn’t any overlap between the LGBTQIA+ community and Christianity. I didn’t expect two of my friends to validate that hurt I feel, and they both said it in a loving way. I read their comments shortly before I got on shift half an hour ago, and I’m still processing them.

I’ll probably delete this later, but... yeah. This is where my brain is currently at. Today is gonna be a slow day.