#and then to jays and then to London without stopping home at any point
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so tired but too stressed to be sleepy
#red said#I'm tired enough to feel sick but my brain. will not off.#bc there's just. no spare time before leaving the house tomorrow.#it's going to be a VERY busy work day from which i must immediately go to therapy#and then to jays and then to London without stopping home at any point#which means. i need to have everything sorted out BY the end of work#which given thati always struggled to leave work in time for therapy at the best of times leaves me 0 wiggle room#i have packed a bag so that's. something.#but also i am sad and worried about leaving Sam on his own bc he's still in isolation and our housemate is flying to Canada this morning#so on the plus side that means he's released from his room and can wander around the house#but he still can't leave the house so i worry you know
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Sounds of Someday
Title: Sounds of Someday
Pairing: Dean x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 6700ish
Warnings: age gap (the reader is 21, while Dean is 26), mention of self-sabotage, mention of a mother abandoning her child, slight smut, angst, romance, friends to lovers, professor!Dean, plot twists, betrayal from a father figure, breakup, language, happy ending.
Summary: Dean and the reader have always been good friends, even since their fathers made them play together when they were kids. After loving Dean for six years, she thought she had forgotten about him, but when they see each other again at her house, she realizes that she’s still in love with him. But maybe even Dean seems to feel something for her this time. The problem? She’s about to graduate from uni and her father wants her to leave for London. What will she do? Will Dean be willing to let her go now that he has found her again?
A/N: Hello hello! This fic participates to Jen’s Make Me Cry Challenge. Thank you Jen for the opportunity and congrats again for your goal! I chose prompt #7, We were never friends, that you can find marked in bold inside the story. I had so much fun writing it! This story means so much to me, I really put my heart into it, so I hope you like it.
I suggest you to listen to Sounds of Someday by Radio Company (fic’s title comes from there), 21 by Gracie Abrams (the whole idea of the story comes from here) and Empty Spaceby James Arthur while reading, if you want.
If you wanna be tagged in my Dean Winchester fics, just let me know in my ask box! You can also find me on AO3 and Wattpad. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer! Enjoy!
Tags: @akshi8278 @jawritter
Story under the cut!
«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.
Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.
«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»
«You’re breaking up with me after you said you loved me, in a very emotionless way and I should believe that…? Listen Dean, I’m not buying it. Did my Dad forced you to do this?» she asked, coming closer to him. Dean swallowed, without looking at her. She said he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was wrong. He felt something. He felt his whole body burning up just because of her breath near him, but he coudn’t say it. «You can’t even look at me in the eye… You’re gonna regret it, Dean. You’re not coming back from this.»
«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.
She bit her bottom lip.
«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»
«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»
«I hate when you call me like that, now» she said, her throat dry as the desert. He used to call her like that when she was younger. It was like he cared about her, but making a distance between them at the same time. Dean looked at his bare feet, feeling so guilty. «You used to call me like that, when we were just friends.»
«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.
«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.
«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»
«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door.
***
«Hey Y/N, come downstairs! The Winchesters are here!» said her father.
«I’m coming!»
That was the day of their ruin.
She hadn’t seen Dean in a year and now he looked stunning. He had always been handsome, but now, that guy, who had just turned twenty-six, seemed better than ever. He was breathtaking.
She sighed on the stairs, then she went downstairs to welcome Dean, his brother, Sam and his father, John. Her father, Jay, had always been a good friend of John, so Sam and Dean were always at her house to play when they were kids. Then, Dean was always coming around because he constantly asked her father what he had to do to become a teacher and now he had finally become a professor at her university. She was twenty-one and she was about to graduate. Jay wanted her to go to London to find a job, but she wasn’t sure about that, because her dream was heading to Chicago.
«Y/N, are you okay?» Jay asked her.
«Yes, of course! I was just thinking, sorry. Hi, everybody» she said, politely.
Dean immediately offered her his hand to shake.
«Hey, Y/N. You look really beautiful, tonight» he said. Y/N blushed and her father noticed that.
«Are you hitting on my daughter, Dean?» joked Jay.
«I always am» Dean replied, with a wink.
Everybody laughed at that, but Y/N doubted about his answer for a moment. Dean wasn’t someone who talked like that about any girl, not about her anyway, for sure. But that thought was erased instantly: he wasn’t interested in her. She wasn’t attractive, he said that some years before that day with a very simple sentence: “You’re like a sister to me. The little sister I never wanted”. Yeah, that pretty sure cancelled all of her thoughts.
After the dinner, she went to the garden to breathe some air. She sat down on the little swing they still had from her childhood, a cold beer in her hands and the eyes full of the stars she was looking at.
Later, she surprised Dean on the door, staring at her. He made her heart beat faster than ever, like the last time she saw him. That was bad, very bad. She had healed from her crush on him a long time ago, she hadn’t to fall for him all over again. It was just painful. Too much painful.
«Hi» he said, his voice even lower than she remembered.
«Hey» she said, offering him her beer. «You want some?»
«Why not?»
So, he sat on the other swing. They just seemed two children too grown up for that game.
«How’s uni goin’? I didn’t have the chance to see you after class. It was weird to see you there, even if I was just an assistant of your professor» he said. Y/N chuckled.
«It’s going well. I just need to pass my last exam and then I’ll be free!» she exclaimed, opening her arms as they were a bird’s wings. He laughed. «I think you were very serious, Winchester.»
«Was I?»
«Yes» she answered. Dean was looking at the beer, nodding. «You’re understimating yourself as always, aren’t you?»
«You know me better than anyone else» he said and then drank a sip from his beer.
“And even despite that, I loved you anyway”, she thought.
«You’ve worked so hard for that, Dean. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. You hear me?» she said, pointing a finger at him. Dean smiled.
«Yes’, m’am.»
«Good» she said, chuckling. «I’m your number one fan» she added, then she grabbed the beer from his hands to take another sip because being around him made her nervous, but drinking just made the situation worse. «In fact, I had a pretty bad crush on you when I was younger.»
Dean’s eyes seemed to turn dark, but maybe it was just a wrong impression.
«This is getting interesting» he said, with a grin.
«You didn’t notice it? No? Well, when I was in high school I was head over heels for you. I couldn’t think about anyone else, even if when I dated some other guy. They just… weren’t you.»
«Why didn’t you tell me?» he asked, watching her finishing the beer.
«Because you always took home some very pretty girls and I always thought that I wasn’t enough for you.»
«Who’s understimating herself, now?» Dean said and she laughed.
«Touché.»
Then, Dean took the bottle away from her hands, touching her fingers. He was warm, unlike the weather. She turned to look at Dean, while her arms were now freezing. His gaze was slowly coming down from her eyes to her lips. Her heart was racing in her chest, not letting her breathing properly. He had never looked at her like that. What had changed?
«Here, take my jacket» he said out of the blue, offering her it. «Your nose is red like Rudolph’s.»
She was about to get the jacket with trembling hands, when the voice of her father arrived from the door.
«Y/N! Dean! What are you doing there? Come inside!»
His jacked fell on the grass. Y/N stretched an arm in order to get it, but Dean’s hand was faster. He gave it to her, staring at her figure. She was about to burst into flames.
«Your hands were shaking. Why?» he asked and it was like he was closer to her, because she could feel his scent on herself, the smell of leather and mint.
«You just said that yourself: I’m cold» she lied.
«Or was it because I was too close to you?»
She raised her gaze in order to look at him. His eyes were dark like two black holes.
«Y/N!» Jay called. «Get inside! Now!»
Fortunately, that woke her up. She got up from the swing and came in the house. John and Sam were about to leave, that’s why they were saying goodbye to Jay.
«Is that Dean’s jacket?» Sam asked her, with a grin.
«Y-yes.»
«Hey, whatever you’re doing here, stop it» John said to Dean, when he came inside.
«I’m not doing anything. She was just cold» Dean said, with a shrug. She gave him an eloquent look. He didn’t know that they could play that game together.
Dean winked at her.
«You can keep the jacket, if you want.»
«Nah, I don’t need something to remind me of your cockiness» she said. Sam laughed. Dean nodded, admitting the defeat to himself. «But thanks, though. I was really freezing out there.»
«You’re such a liar, Y/N» Dean murmured at her ear, while she was returning his jacket to him.
«Alright, alright, stop it, kids» Jay said. «Dean, I’ll see you tomorrow at work. John, Sam, we’ll see each other another time. Drive safely.»
«Thank you, Jay» John said.
And then, they were gone. Y/N helped her father to clean up the kitchen, smelling a strange scent nearby her. He was unusually quiet, but she didn’t want to hear something about London or Dean again. She just wanted to go to bed, feeling pretty satisfied about that evening. She didn’t know why, but Jay seemed to understand it and in fact, he didn’t shoot any question.
She got to bed feeling the scent of Dean still on herself.
***
«We can’t study like this» Olivia said, putting the books aside. «What’s bothering you? London again?»
«Oh, believe me, I wish!»
«Is there something more important than London?»
«Well… do you remember that guy I liked back in high school?»
«Who? That idiot that made you feel like you weren’t enough?» Olivia asked and Y/N nodded. «You’re joking, right?»
«I saw him the other night and I think that he was hitting on me.»
«This can’t be real!» she shouted.
«Please, be quiet» Y/N begged her.
«What was his name? Daniel? Dave?»
«Dean.»
«Dean! Yeah, I remember what you told me about him. He was an ass.»
«Nah, he was just stupid. Now he’s not like that anymore» Y/N said, putting her chin on a hand. A part of her was still thinking about his beautiful green eyes and his hands touching hers.
«Hey! You have to pass this exam, remember?» Olivia said.
«Yes, right. Get back to study.»
Olivia agreed with a smile. She was reading the book again, legs crossed on Y/N’s bed, but Y/N couldn’t. Yeah, London was important, but on the other hand, Dean was her first love. She couldn’t think to leave without knowing if he was just playing with her or not. His eyes were insanely dark the other night, when he was looking at her. Was he just glad that another woman had a crush on him or did it mean something to him? And also, why now? She had so many thoughts in her mind. Then, she noticed that Olivia was staring at her. She was wondering was Y/N was thinking and when she got it, her eyes just popped out like she was a puppet.
«Oh, fuck Dean Winchester!»
Someone opened the door. Y/N almost fell from the bed when she saw who had done that. She prayed that he didn’t hear Olivia.
«Was that an insult or an invitation?» Dean asked, his shoulder lying on the door’s jamb. «I’d prefer the second one» he said with a wink in Y/N’s direction.
Of course, he had to hear that, she thought.
«What are you doing here, Dean?» Y/N asked.
«I was working with your Dad. He wanted me to ask you if you girls would like to take a break from studying and come downstairs» he answered. Olivia kept looking at him like he was the Devil, though. «Do we know each other?» Dean asked, but she shaked her head.
«Not really.»
«It’s definitely time to take a break!» Y/N exclaimed.
Olivia went downstairs, but Dean stopped Y/N from doing that. He closed the door behind himself, scaring her. Why would he do that? It was like they were in some cheap rom-com. That was getting worse.
«Look Y/N, I want to apologize about the other night» he said. Oh, she didn’t see it coming. «I’m not that kind of guy anymore and I just want you to know that. It’s just that… this job is everything I have ever wanted and I’m so scared of screwing things up, that it’s like I’m doing that on purpose because I think I don’t really deserve it, so I try in every way possible to screw up my life too to prove it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I appreciate what you told me and for that, I promise I won’t use it your weaknesses against you.»
Y/N was overwhelmed by all of that. It seemed like Dean had really became a very mature version of himself and she was really glad he did. Unfortunately, it also made him even more likeable to her.
«Thanks, Dean» she said.
«No problem» he replied with a smile.
And that, that was the moment she knew she fell in love with him all over again. The very start of her downfall.
Two weeks later, she had successfully passed her exam. It was snowing, so she decided to go to a pub near the university with her friends to celebrate. It was Friday night, after all. Olivia came with a gift from her, since she was heading to London and it was a new coat.
«It’s red, but don’t be naive like Little Red Riding Hood» she said, but Y/N didn’t understand what she meant until she didn’t see someone entering from the door. Someone who noticed her and that now was approaching their table.
«Hi! How did your exam go?» Dean asked. Olivia rolled her eyes.
«Well, I just passed it, so I’d say not bad» Y/N answered, happily.
«I knew it! Come here» he said, before he could give her a proper hug. Every inch of her body just burned up.
«Thanks, Dean» she said with a soft smile. She’d have sweared she saw Dean’s eyes shine.
«I’ll leave you to your friends» he said.
She looked at Olivia, who was already shaking her head, but she wanted him to stay really bad, so in the end, after she bit her bottom lip, she called him.
«Dean! Hey, if you’re not busy with your friends, maybe you could… you know… stay.»
Dean smiled and he felt her heart doing a flip.
«Unfortunately I’m here with other professors, but I’ll come around later, is that okay?»
She nodded.
«Yes» she said, lying to him.
Then, the hours passed very quickly. She spent the evening laughing and joking with her friends, but she couldn’t deny that she often glanced at Dean. The thought of being there wih him but far away, killed her from within. It was as if a rib was missing from her body, a limb of her skin that now belonged to him. It belonged to him since she was fifteen, actually.
The pub was about to close. Oliva was very drunk, so she got home with a friend, while the others went away. Maybe it was a dumb idea, but she stayed because of Dean’s promise. Ten minutes later, while she was sitting at the table all alone, someone offered her a beer.
«Hey, I’m here finally» Dean said, taking a seat in front of her.
«Hi» she replied with a tired smile.
Dean wetted his lips before talking.
«I saw your friends leaving and I was wondering… why did you stay here, all alone?» he asked.
Her heart started racing faster and faster in her chest. Did she want him so bad to ruin everything between them? Dean was someone who noticed things so he probably did understand the situation very well. Also, his bad jokes that night at her’s still made her think that maybe he liked her too. Maybe not as much as her, but it was still something. But was it right to settle with someone who didn’t want her completely? Because she wanted Dean in every aspect a human being could be wanted.
«Where’s the catch? Because you said that you didn’t want to use my feelings against me» she said.
Dean clenched his jaw, looking at his hands crossed on the table. He still had the silver ring of his mother. Then, he slowly looked at her, raising his eyelids, so seriously she could swear it was maybe the first time she saw him that way.
«No catch. I just wanna know. You’re free to tell me a lie and I’ll believe it. But please, if you stayed here because you were waiting for me, I’d really love to hear it.»
Her throat was dry.
«Why?»
«Because no one ever did something like this for me. And I know that it probably seem stupid, but it shows me that you care» he answered, with a soft smile on his lips. «So, I’m gonna ask you for the last time, before they kick us out, why did you stay here?»
She swallowed, looking straight into his eyes. They were incredibly green. Constellations of flowers. It was now or never. Her voice was like a winter’s breath, when she spoke.
«For you.»
Then, she couldn’t remember how they arrived to Dean’s apartment, but she remembered very well how his clothes fell on the floor or the way he delicately throw her dress off of her. It was all slowed like in a movie. It almost seemed a dream to her.
«I’m not doing this, if you don’t want me to» Dean said, his thumb brushing her lips.
«I want you, Dean. I’ve always wanted you. Always» Y/N said and then, Dean kissed her so hard, they crumbled on the bed.
She felt the coldness of his ring on her back, while his fingertips were caressing it. Their lips found each other and a spark was born, fuse of the Apocalypse. She felt like collapsing, cut into two parts, completely folded as a blooming flower.
He completed them. Every single empty space. He filled them all.
«Could you repeat it, please? Always.»
She smiled on his lips.
«Always» she whispered, between the kisses. «Always.»
And she kept repeating it all night.
***
She looked at him like he wasn’t supposed to be there, but she was glad he was. It was her graduation day. They’ve been together for three months, without their fathers knowing it, but Sam and Olivia were well aware of that. Never in a million years she would have thought to see that day. To actually see Dean there, standing between her father and Sam, clapping at her with a smile so bright on his face, she could swear it could cure every disease. It was so pure, but mostly, happy and it was all for her. She held back the tears, but it was, without a doubt, the most important day of her life. The most beautiful one. Maybe having faith did help at something.
She got back to Jay, who hugged her tight and said something like My baby has graduated now in a very proud tone of voice. She also hugged John and Sam, before she could finally look at Dean.
«You did it» he said.
«I did it» she repeated, blushing, even if she didn’t know why. He had that influence on her.
«I knew you would have made it» he said and then, he did something she wouldn’t thought he would have done. He kissed her.
It was like her whole world fell apart. He cupped her cheeks and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. She felt her whole chest burning because of that, her skin collapsing between his hands.
When they parted, she saw the light in his eyes and bit her bottom lip. It was an authentic moment of pure joy. The emotion in his gaze was real. He was real. It was like the universe had accepted every desire she wished for, every year for six years. He meant it. And he was there to see her succeed.
Thank you, her lips mimed.
But his answer surprised her once again: I love you.
She didn’t even have the time to elaborate his words, that her father spoke: «What just happened?»
She felt it. That was the moment he was about to tear Dean away from her. The moment she didn’t want to come. The moment everything fell apart like a castle made of sand. She felt the coldness in her bones, like a warning.
«Jay, please…» John tried to say, but Jay stopped him with the sign of his hand.
«You’re not getting away with this, Dean» Jay said and Dean just shrugged, like it was normal to him.
«I don’t understand, Jay. Did I offend you in any way?» he asked, calmly.
«We’ll talk later.»
And then, she understood. He kissed her on purpose becase it was a public place, so Jay couldn’t say anything because of his reputation, but now he knew about them. Clever, very clever.
After the ceremony, Dean took her hand and they just hid behind the stage. He kissed her, his hands everywhere and nowhere along her dress, that ascended her legs, her stomach, her waist.
«You think you’re smart, Winchester?» she asked, while he was sucking the skin of her neck.
«I think I’m utterly smart, as a matter of fact» he said, looking at her with messy hair and dark eyes.
God, he was so beautiful in that moment.
She laughed. A laugh so clear and free that made Dean smile like a child. It was so unreal.
«He’s gonna kill you, you know that?»
«I already spent three months of Heaven with you, who cares?»
«Heaven? Damn, I have to be a wild fire in bed.»
«Oh, trust me baby, you are» he said and she laughed again.
«Come on now, Sam and your friends are waiting for us. We’re gonna get so drunk tonight, you’re not gonna even remember your own name!» he said with an excited voice, kissing her hand.
«But I’ll certainly still remember you» she replied, with two images of Dean in her eyes like two comets. He gave her a delicate kiss on her lips.
«You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Y/N.»
The next day, Dean got up in a strange room. He wasn’t in his apartment for sure. It looked very different. He looked at his watch: 11 AM. What did he do last night? And then, when he turned, he saw the answer: the girl of his dreams was sleeping next to him. He caressed her hair, left a kiss on her temple and then put on his clothes.
When he got downstairs, he immediately met her father in the kitchen. He saw Dean while he was drinking a cup of coffee.
«’Morning, Jay» he said.
Jay groaned in his direction. He was surely still angry at him. He wanted to talk to him, but he had a terrible headache due to the hungover, so he wasn’t at his best. He sat down at the table, thinking about his next move, when Jay gave him a cup of coffee and an Aspirine.
«I talk, you take this» he started. «Look Dean, we’ve been knowing for years by now and we’re also colleagues, so I think I can say that I know you pretty well. You’re a very good guy, but you’re also a hard person to love. You’re scared of being left behind and for that, I suggest you to use this fear of yours to break up with my daughter.»
Dean almost spilled his tea on Jay.
«What?»
«You heard me. You’re gonna hurt her sooner or later, I know what you do. You think you can take advantage of her, just because she’s been in love with you since she was fifteen?» he asked. Dean looked confused: how did he find that out? Did Y/N tell him? «I’m a single father of a girl, Dean. I had to learn a lot of things. I noticed the way he looked at you. Hell, she still looks at you like that!» he exclaimed. Dean felt flattered about that, but he was still scared of what Jay just said. «I want you to break up with her. Just what you usually do, I think you’re pretty good at that by now.»
And that hurt. Jay was like a second father to him, a friend in some way, a role model and now he was just destroying their relationship. It was too much to handle.
«Jay, I know you’re just trying to protect her, but we’re adults now and…»
«She’s only twenty-one, Dean! She doesn’t even know what life is. She had to understand that hard work pays, that’s why she has to go to London. Life’s not a fairy tale.»
«I get it, but why London? I mean, she could look for some job here or…» Dean tried to argue, but Jay’s glance explained it all to him. And it was heartbreaking. «London was her best chance to forget me, wasn’t it? Your plan has always been this: sending her as far away as possible from me. You helped me to get the job at your university so you could make sure that I couldn’t leave it to follow her» he said. His back slipped along the chair, his throat dry. «You never admired me. It was all a lie.»
«No Dean, don’t get me wrong: I’ve always put my faith on you, because I knew that you were capable of doing great things, but you’re not the perfect fit for my daughter. It’s just as simple as that.»
«You came up with a fucking plan to take her away from me and now you’re even playing the martyr here?» Dean shouted, getting up from the seat. «You’re a monster, Jay. You don’t love your daughter, if you don’t let her decide what she wants from life. And for the record, I’ve changed. I’m not that fuckboy anymore. But maybe you were too busy thinking about your stupid plan to realize that» Dean said and then he got out from the house.
He was furious with Jay. He had always put nothing but trust in that man, confessing him every fear, every thought, every memory and now he just betrayed him like that. He wanted to punch a wall so bad, in that moment. But the worst thing he couldn’t believe he was thinking was that despite all of that, Jay knew that he would have done that.
And he knew that too.
He had avoided her for two days. Olivia had already told her that he was back to his old habits, but she didn’t believe it. Dean had grown. He was not the same guy of some years ago, he was trustworthy and reliable now. A lot people just kept seeing him as someone who wasn’t serious just because that was they wanted to see.
Then, he called.
«Y/N?»
«Hey, Dean.»
«Can we meet, please? I have to tell you something.»
She swallowed.
«Yes, of course. Where?»
«At mine’s. Twenty minutes.»
«Okay. Dean, are you alright?»
«See you later, Y/N.»
He was definitely not fine.
Anyway, she got there twenty minutes later. He opened the door, never even glanced at her and made her enter. He looked terrible, like he didn’t sleep at all for two days. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked very pale. He had some grey sweatpants on and a white t-shirt. It was like turning back time and seeing him when he was studying for the last year of high school. He seemed so lost back then and he seemed so lost now too. It was heartbreaking.
«Dean?»
«Y/N, this could be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do» he began, running a hand through his hair.
«If that’s because I didn’t say it back, you don’t have to…»
«What?» he asked. He seemed so confused. «No, it’s not that.»
«Then what happened, Dean?» she asked, getting closer to him, but he made a step back.
«Please, don’t. Just… don’t» he said. It was like a weight was expanding in his chest. «Y/N, we have to break up» he said, raising his eyelids to look at her in a way that had always made her heart do a flip. But now, it was just tragically painful.
«What? Why?»
«Because you’re going to London now and I don’t do long-distance relationships.»
She made a noise of disbelief.
«You’re joking, right? Please, tell me that you’re joking. This is so stupid.»
«Look, I’ve been abandonded by my Mom when I was a child and you know that. I just don’t want you to leave me too. And London it’s your best chance for a brighter future.»
«You’re what, Freud, now?» she asked, incredulous. It was all ridiculous.
«Just respect my decision, okay? You’ll find someone better than me, I promise» he said, but he could barely look at her while he was doing that. It costed him an enormous amount of strength to say those words.
She sighed, defeated within her bones.
«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.
Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.
«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»
«You’re breaking up with me after you said you loved me, in a very emotionless way and I should believe that…? Listen Dean, I’m not buying it. Did my Dad forced you to do this?» she asked, coming closer to him. Dean swallowed, without looking at her. She said he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was wrong. He felt something. He felt his whole body burning up just because of her breath near him, but he coudn’t say it. «You can’t even look at me in the eye… You’re gonna regret it, Dean. You’re not coming back from this.»
«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.
She bit her bottom lip.
«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»
«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»
«I hate when you call me like that, now» she said, her throat dry as the desert. He used to call her like that when she was younger. It was like he cared about her, but making a distance between them at the same time. Dean looked at his bare feet, feeling so guilty. «You used to call me like that, when we were just friends.»
«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.
«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.
«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»
«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door, but she stopped halfway through it. She bit her bottom lip, then she turned to look at him, who was confused. «You know what, Dean? Fuck you, because you think I don’t know. I heard you shouting the other day, I can only imagine what my father said to you» she said. Dean’s eyes grew wide at that realization. It hit him right in the ribs. «You’ve always understimated yourself, but I did too. Now I know that we were wrong. I remember when you brought me home one night, after the school’s dance. I looked at your face, half soaked in light and you know, you had these crystal green eyes that made me think about a lighthouse, because it helps ships come back to the shore and I thought... I thought they could bring me back home. You’ve always been my home» she said, with tears in her eyes.
Dean felt a lump in his throat, that maybe him unable to talk.
«Please, don’t do this» he begged her.
«Look Dean, I’ve been in love with you for six years now. I blamed it on the alcohol, but since we’re two adults, let’s be honest here: I wanted to say it to you. I wanted you to know that. I hid that for a long time, I was capable of keep going with it, but I didn’t. But since I’m an adult, I also know that life’s not a fairy tale, so when it seemed that you liked me too, I just took the chance. It could have lasted a day or a year, I just wanted that. You. Us. I wanted all of it. I fell in love with you every fucking day for the past six years and despite your bad behaviour sometimes, I still loved you. Or maybe I did because of that, I don’t know. So please, respect my heart and tell me right now, right now Dean, if you’ve ever felt something for me, because I think you owe me this, at least. It’s alright even if you didn’t, but tell me the truth. I think that after everything we’ve been trough, I deserve it. I’m asking you for just one thing.»
Dean looked like he was about to fall apart. His eyes were glossy and red at the corners.
«Repeat the question, please.»
It reminded her of the night at the pub. She nodded, swallowing.
«Did you feel something for me?»
And then, Dean answered something she couldn’t see it coming in six years.
«I did» he said. And then, with his eyes full of tears, he added: «I do.»
She let slip a sob out of her throat.
«Then why are you doing this? Don’t listen to my father and stay with me» she said, caressing his cheek. Dean closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.
«Because I think you should go to London anyway. It’s your best chance. I dont deserve you. I never did. It was just a pretty good fantasy I wanted to believe in.»
She took a step back. His cheek suddenly seemed too cold.
«This is not about you Dean, it’s about me! It’s about the fact that I want you and trust me, besides the graduation, I’ve never wanted anything so bad in my entire life like I want you right now» she said. That word had always been a very strong word for her and now Dean did too. «You were the love of my life when I was young. You still are» she whispered, right before her voice cracked up.
Dean sighed, defeated into his bones.
«I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what else to say.»
And then, she walked away. Dean closed his eyes, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He had to let her go. She had to go to London, to go away from there. She wasn’t supposed to stay. He just had to accept that. Her father was right: she deserved the world and he was just stopping her from having it.
But she was right about one thing: he was gonna regret it. For the rest of his life.
***
«Are you ready for London?» Olivia asked on FaceTime, smiling. She shrugged. «Y/N, please, stop thinking about Dean. He just made you waste plenty of time. You’re gonna forget about him, you’ll see.»
«Just be honest, Olivia: you never liked him» she said, annoyed.
Olivia sighed.
«I liked him, Y/N. » she confessed, surprisingly. «That’s why I wanted you to never have something with him. Because I knew that he would have anchored you here and you don’t belong to Lebanon. You have the skills to do anything you want. Don’t make a man or anybody, stop you.»
«You knew he liked me?»
«I knew he was head over heels for you the moment he leaned an eye on you the first time I’ve met him» Olivia said.
She held back the tears.
«Thanks, Olivia.»
«You’re welcome. Now pack your things. Tomorrow’s almost here!»
But is that a good day without Dean by her side?
She had just left. He saw her going to the airport on a Taxi. The last time he had seen her had been awful, but this one? This was way worse. Because he didn’t get to actually see her. He just knew it was her in that car, slipping away from his fingers.
«Dean?» Jay called, on the threshold of the door.
«I’m here to talk to you» Dean said, firmly.
Jay let him in, wondering what he could possibily wanted now. He seemed so sure of himself, like he had never been. Maybe he really grew up, somehow. And he didn’t even notice.
«What do you want from me, Dean?»
«You know, I never really got the chance to thank you, Jay. I mean, you helped me get into college, become a professor, make me a father when John wasn’t there… I’m really grateful for that. And you know, I broke up with your daughter as you asked me to, even if I hated every second of what I did. But didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or maybe I just wouldn’t take it, because I was too busy thinking that I wasn’t enough. I did it for almost all of my life, you know that and you never told me that it was bullshit. You know who did? Your daughter» Dean said. Jay clenched his jaw. «So, since I’ve figured out I’m better than the fuckboy you get to know, thanks to her too, I just want to say to you that I’m in love with her and I would have done anything to make her happy, anything» Dean said, with a lump in his throat. It took him a lot to actually say those words out loud. But he was glad he finally did. «She’s the only one. She’s the one for me, Jay. I love her and even if I’m terrified about this, I want to be with her. I just want to be around her until I can and until she’ll let me to. Please, don’t take this away from me. Please» he begged him.
Jay put a hand on his shoulder, nodding.
«I appreciate your words son, I really do, but I can’t let you stop her. I’m sorry.»
Dean took a step back, disappointed.
«No, you’re not.» Dean said, with disgust in his voice. «You know what? Screw you, Jay. I’m gonna get her back and I’m gonna follow her to London. I won’t spend another day without her. We already lost too many of them.»
And with that, he was already in his Impala to get to her. He arrived at the airport and began to look for her the second he took a foot inside. But since life’s not a fairy tale, when he found her gate, it was already too late.
She was gone.
He got back at his apartment, sighing. He had lost her forever and the worst part of that was that he had done that to himself. He opened the door and felt empty.
«Dean» someone whispered his name in a soft tone.
He turned to look at Y/N behind him, who was getting up from the stairs.
«Y/N? What are you doing here?»
«I didn’t leave. Can I come in, please?»
He nodded.
«Sure.»
She entered.
«A good friend told me that I was capable of doing anything I wanted and I thought that letting my Dad decide about my future was not what I wanted. That’s why I got back» she explained. «But I don’t want you to stop me either. So I’m just here to tell you that I’ll move to Chicago, so I can use my degree properly» she said. Dean lacked of words. «That’s it? I mean, I didn’t think you could say something like I’ll come with you, sweetheart, but maybe…»
«I was at the airport» he finally said.
«What?» she asked, confused.
«Your father didn’t give me the permission to go after you, but I did it anyway. I was ready to go to London with you» he confessed, clenching his jaw.
«Really?»
«Yes» he said and he was about to fall into pieces for saying that. «Chicago sounds alright too. I don’t really care.»
«But your job… and you hate flying!» she exclaimed.
«I’d hate to spend the rest of my life without you, sweetheart» he said, caressing her shoulders with a smile. «Is it a better answer than the one you expected?»
She nodded, a lump in her throat.
«It’s the best answer you could ever give to me» she said, before he kissed her.
#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester ff#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester fanfic#jensmakemecrychallenge#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester#jensen ackles x reader#dean winchester smut#erule's masterlist
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hey love your dani/Jamie fics would love to see a story where dani tries to leave jamie earlier in the relationship because she thinks it would be less painful but obviously Jamie ain’t having that.
hey, this hurt my feelings so i wrote it for you. it’s kinda...sad. but, yeah. here ya’ go, pal.
..
It would be a lie if Jamie said she hadn’t thought this would be a possibility—that she hasn’t feared this from the get-go. That first morning after, Dani had been different. Not entirely, no, but it was as if something inside of her was broken and she wasn’t sure where the pieces of it had gone. Like she’d woken up sightless and alone in a world that was not her own, that she didn’t know how to survive in.
Standing at the edge of a precipice and ready to tip over.
At the beginning, Dani tried to back out so many times. Tried to keep Jamie at arm’s-length, as if reminding her of the potential stakes would do anything to keep her from falling in love. From them falling in love. But it hadn’t worked and, eventually, Dani caved in. They fell in love and built a life together, a home together, and things were good. Fine even.
Dani hardly spoke about Bly or that night at all.
Yet Jamie is far from blindsided when she wakes up in their bed five years into their relationship to find Dani gone. The day before had been perfect, really. At least until Dani came back to the shop in the evening with dinner, face pale and eyes wide like she’d just seen a ghost.
Now Jamie is wondering if maybe she had.
It’s still early and the sky isn’t all the way awake and Jamie reaches out her arm instinctively as she flutters her eyelids open, reaching for that familiar body she’s long-since memorized. Her hand meets empty air, flattens against cool sheets and then she wakes up all the way in a panic.
Dani is gone. In her place is a piece of paper, folded and set carefully in the center of her unused pillow. Jamie sits up, tucking the sheets around her bare body, and opens it. Skims the words.
Reads: Forgive me.
And: If I stay, it will only be harder for you.
And: I love you.
Jamie isn’t certain how long she sits there, clutching the letter in her hands, but she is aware of the lead in her legs, her bones heavy as stone, mind filling with cotton. No thoughts. Just a numbing cold.
Eventually, she manages to tear herself away and throw on the first clothes she can find, running out of the apartment with her keys in one hand and her shoes untied. She’s lucky, really, to find that their car is still parked outside, meaning that Dani either called a cab to where she’s going or she’s on foot, which means that Jamie might not be too late to catch her.
The air freshener Dani picked out in the store last week swings from the rearview mirror, strawberry shaped and scented and Jamie remembers standing in the checkout line with their groceries—Dani lifting the silly thing up and mimicking the cartoon face on the front. Eyes crossed. Tongue stuck out. And Jamie had distantly wondered if loving Dani too much could be the death of her.
Sometimes it certainly feels like it.
Like when they’re eating dinner together and Dani accidentally gets a bit of food or sauce on her face—the way she laughs and pushes at Jamie’s shoulders when Jamie leans across the table to lick it off.
Like when they’re tired from a long day and they can do nothing but fall onto the couch together the moment they get home—the way Dani pulls Jamie’s feet into her lap and massages them gently even though she’s just as exhausted as Jamie is.
Like the weekend they spent in New York City two years ago—how Dani stubbornly held Jamie’s hand everywhere they walked; how she teared up during the overture when they went to see The Phantom of the Opera; how she bought a pair of “I Love New York” boxers and wore them to bed, where she pinned Jamie down to the mattress and smothered her with kisses until their laughter turned into sighs and moans and something else entirely.
And now, she’s speeding her way down the street in the direction of the airport, eyes roaming the sidewalks as she goes, looking for the familiar sight of her girlfriend. Her partner. The star-brimming love of her life.
There’s a pain in her side that digs its way in even further when she reaches the airport and hurries to park. It throbs sharply as she gets out of her car and rushes inside, looking around frantically for anything familiar.
The fear of being too late—of having missed Dani before she got on her flight; of not getting there in time for whatever it is Dani’s going to do—makes it feel like something has been carved out of her chest. She wants to be angry—wants to be livid that Dani would do this to her, to them. She wants a lot of things, but she can’t name any of them save for one:
Stop this from happening.
She checks the boards above ticketing, trying to find anything relevant. Finally, she spots a flight to London that’s set to board in forty-five minutes. Trying to walk as quickly as she can without running, she starts off toward the gate listed, zipping past families and business people all on their way in or out. All fine and normal and going about their lives with no idea as to what is at stake for the woman brushing past them without apology.
There’s a high-pitched ringing in Jamie’s ears. She feels like every single atom, every molecule, every inch of her is vibrating at a higher frequency than it should be. Her jaw is trembling and she has to clench it to keep her teeth from clacking together.
She’s trying to breathe normally, trying to pray to every deity she can think of that she isn’t too late, when she sees her: Dani. Sitting in one of the chairs in the mostly-empty space beside the gate.
She looks as exhausted as Jamie feels, wearing the same clothes she was last night. Her eyes are so bloodshot that Jamie can see it from fifteen feet away. That pain in her side aches and her chest is thumping hard against her ribs.
As lost in thought as Dani appears to be, curled up in that seat and looking like she’s just spent the last three hours crying, she doesn’t look up until Jamie is standing right in front of her.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jamie asks, unable to keep the anger out of the edges of the question.
Dani startles at her voice and looks up, blinking a few times when she sees who’s standing in front of her, as if she’s worried she may be dreaming. “Jamie?” she says. “What are you—?”
“No,” Jamie cuts in. “What are you doing? Did you think you’d get away with leaving me in the middle of the night? Did you think I’d just let you go?”
There are a few people scattered around in other chairs nearby, and Jamie knows that they are probably watching this whole thing, but she can’t bring herself to calm down. She’s not sure how she’d even begin to try.
“Jamie, I—” Dani begins, and she looks like she might start crying again.
Jamie cuts her off. “No, you don’t get to do this, Dani,” she says, pointing a trembling finger. “You don’t get to just...do something like this without talking to me about it. You don’t get to decide this for the both of us.”
Slowly, Dani gets to her feet, and there’s still space between them, but neither of them tries to bridge it. Not yet.
“Jamie, I can’t just...I can’t just wait around for something to happen,” she says. “You don’t get it. Do you know how terrified I am every...every day that I’m going to just...hurt you or-or...I couldn’t stand it, Jay. I couldn’t stand losing you like that. I have to—”
“No, you don’t get it,” Jamie says. She wants to sound fierce and as angry as she knows she is, but, instead, her words come out broken and tearful. “You can’t just...leave me. Not like this. We have so much—”
“What if we don’t?” Dani asks. “Wouldn’t it be better for us to...for it to be like this than some other way?”
Jamie shakes her head, fixing Dani with a sardonic look. “Right. Because this is so much better. Me waking up to you just...gone. You not even saying goodbye just leaving me like this, tossing me away like what we have...what we are doesn’t even matter. I love you, you colossal prat. You can’t just—”
“It’s because I love you that I’m doing this, Jamie,” Dani cuts in, and, while her tone is still guarded, her voice is softer. “I couldn’t…” She sighs and turns a little, shoulders shaking from the effort to hold back her tears. She runs her fingers through her hair and closes her eyes for a moment.
She looks broken, defeated, and it slices right through Jamie’s chest. She’s surprised when she doesn’t fall to her knees. Because, if Dani is right about this—about all of it and about what is going to happen to her, to them—then…
Then it’s only a matter of time.
She looks at Dani standing there like she could fall apart at any moment, like she already has. Her shoulders slumped and Jamie realizes that she’s crying a minute too late to stop herself. Dani lifts her head and meets her eyes again, drawing her arms around her stomach, and this is her best fucking friend and the love of her life and Jamie is so in love with her.
“Couldn’t what?” Jamie asks, so much softer than anything else said so far.
She takes in the sight of Dani standing there—dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, her clothes ruffled and her lips sore from being bitten at.
“I couldn’t—” Dani starts, but she can’t finish the sentence.
It doesn’t matter. Jamie hears the rest anyway.
Hears: I couldn’t give you what you deserve.
And: I couldn’t do this to you anymore.
There’s something in Jamie’s chest about this—the end of the rope.
“I love you,” she says quietly. “Please don’t go. Not yet.”
It feels wrong doing this here, in the middle of the bustling airport, under the harsh fluorescent lights. There are strangers around them—they are so far from alone—and Jamie really wants to be in their home for this—thinks that, if they were surrounded by their things and their life, then Dani wouldn’t possibly argue.
Dani chokes back a sob. Her shoulders stutter, then stiffen. “Jamie,” she whispers. “I—” She jumps a little when Jamie reaches out and touches her arm. Before she can draw away, though, Dani darts her hand out and grabs her, holding her tight.
Something inside of Jamie is splintering and her legs are numb. She takes a deep breath and holds it for a second. On the exhale, she says, “Dani, please. I know that you’re...that you’re scared. I am, too. I’m so…” She breathes in again, shakily this time, curls her free hand into the fabric of her own shirt. “I don’t know what...I don’t know what’s going to happen, or...how. Or when. But I love you and I’m not ready to live without you. Please, please don’t make me try.”
There are probably millions of ways to say it, but this is the only way Jamie can manage in the moment. Her chest feels tighter and tighter with every aching heartbeat and time slows down just enough for Dani to blink, to part her lips, to look like she’s going to argue again, before she says, “Come here,” and cups the back of Jamie’s neck, tugging her into a firm kiss right there in the middle of the airport.
Jamie presses her body closer to Dani’s, fists her hands in blonde hair to pull her in harder. Distantly, she feels warm fingers fist the material of her shirt at the back and she kisses and kisses and kisses Dani. As long as she can.
That’s the plan, at least.
“Please stay,” Jamie whispers when they pull apart, panting, and Dani only hesitates for a second before nodding, tucking herself into Jamie’s arms like she never plans to leave and Jamie is fine with that. Perfect, even.
“Take me home,” Dani says into Jamie’s neck, arms still tight around her.
And time and past and future be damned, Jamie does just that.
..
#angst#damie#dani x jamie#dani/jamie#thobm#the haunting of bly manor#dani x jamie fanfic#damie fanfic#damie prompt#andawaywego fanfic
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Sixty Four.
“Rihanna, hello!? Are you with us” I blinked looking around me and then looking at the laptop “yeah” I laughed to myself, I zoned out to a place where I wasn’t married or pregnant, the way I would get him back for this in so many ways “I am here, carry on. So” I stifled out a yawn “sorry, so the Puma event will be in California for me? That is sweet thank you, I know it was going to be in London but moving it for me is sweet” I am tired as hell “yes, so as we was saying the event is pretty much after your husband’” I rolled my eyes, do I even have one “yeah, ok that is fine. I am excited, sad that I couldn’t be in the promo video. I just didn’t expect to be growing this big” I laughed “funny when this shit sells because of me, I don’t even think my foot would fit in any of the shoes at this moment” I sighed out “anyways, I am fine with that. I will do everything I can, I will be posting soon with the slides on so I will start rolling that out” I explained “Yeah, that is fine. So onto other things” Jay Brown smiled at me, it wasn’t a smile that I want. It’s that he knows I don’t want to speak on it “cheating rumours, what is happening. Your publicist is in the Zoom meeting, so let’s speak on it” Jay Brown sat back in the chair “we need to speak on something that is plastered on many avenues even though you have been quiet about it, he is where? In Canada and you are in Mexico. What is happening” looking over at Mel “it’s a little bit of a misunderstanding but I rather be quiet on it, I haven’t exactly spoken to Chris like that. So no comment really, I don’t want to speak on it when I don’t know what to say. I know my husband hasn’t cheated on me, that is it” silence from the call and this place is driving me crazy “so can you actually speak to him, he’s doing a lot of damage. We are building him up alongside you, if he is putting my client down Robyn then something needs to be done about it” nodding my head “when I speak to him I will, I need to go. Bye everyone” I knew that part would come on “ASAP Rihanna, we need you to do that” getting up from the chair, closing my laptop.
Sitting down outside on the chair, this weather is the only thing that is making me happy. Just sun, sea and breeze “are you ok? You knew they was going to ask; everyone is asking. I know you’re sick of people asking but I would ask, just like you snapped with your mother, but they are just asking, they don’t understand when you say he isn’t when the blogs have really manipulated the situation” Mel sat down across from me “he texts me, he won’t call because he knows I am pissed. How can he do so much in these two days, he has me Rihanna looking at his Instagram like I am nothing. I don’t want to be nasty to him, I don’t but it’s getting there. He hasn’t checked on me, I want to get him back, I want him to know pain. He doesn’t know where I am or what I am doing. We are flying back to Cali; you are coming with me to my scan. I bought the date forward. I said I am busy, I will find out the sex of my baby without him there, we will come back to Mexico. I have to get him back; I have to do it. I have worked so hard for him; I don’t get it. I am never enough for a man?” Mel held my hand “that is untrue, I think he is in the moment. He’s having fun but the fun is no good, I believe in Chris. I know his intentions aren’t what the public see, the girls are making it that way. But I am excited to come with you, you my wife” I smiled at Mel “I was daydreaming if I wasn’t married or pregnant, I would have got him back publicly to shame him, but he is my husband, and I don’t want that. So” I breathed out “I am doing that, I know he said he is coming back Monday night, night? You hear that? Such an asshole, not even morning. But we will be back here, he will feel how I felt, and I put that on my momma. I am not going to lash out, but he will feel it” I slammed my hand on the table, I am sick.
Mel and I are funny together, we have a burner account to be nosey and to mingle with my fans. My fans want me to divorce, I get it. Outside looking in this looks bad, it looks like he is openly just doing that, but I know he isn’t, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, they are writing thesis about my wellbeing, how I am a single mother already. They are very hard headed my fans “juicy, so someone asked who is this chick? I don’t get it why is everyone on her ass, this fan page put India Love has been with Drake and has been staying at his house for a week now, looks like he has passed him onto that bastard husband of hers, fave can do better. She has been around, I mean are we shocked” shaking my head “I didn’t even know girl until now, is he being blind to the mess. Like I am deep in it and he is in that OVO compound just doing what? I mean come on, are you really being this ignorant” speaking of him, he calls when I just want to slap that face of his “what?” I answered, “I call and all you keep saying it what?” placing my phone on loud speaker “are you being ignorant Chris? I know how much of an asshole you can be, are being ignorant?” I need to know, he is just being sly with everything “those blogs can suck my dick and if you believe that then you dumb as them” shaking my head “right, Chris you are very new to this. Trust me, you are very fucking deluded right now. So you didn’t repost anything on your page?” I just can’t help myself; I am not getting real answers by being quiet “I have no idea, I was drunk. I didn’t see anything on my page” Mel’ mouth fell open “so all those screenshots were just lies Breezy huh? You know what, bye get the fuck off my line nigga” disconnecting the call “no way, he has been caught out, he knows he has made a mess. Oh my god” he is digging and digging “if I knew he wanted fun then I wouldn’t have married him, he asked” I sniffled “anyways, I just. I need to get on hateful mode, tomorrow we are going to the hospital and coming back” flicking the tear away, Chris tried calling me again, but I put it down, he can go and have his fun because he will have no choice but to be coming home to me soon.
I somehow feel upset that Chris is not here, I feel the sadness in me but he needs to feel how I feel and he will, I look so stupid publicly and social media is the devil for him, I feel for him because that India chick is running, I was going to comment but I stopped myself because then it looks like there is issues, I didn’t know he followed her either. Not even recent either, he been following her which to me I didn’t think like that. But the recent picture of Chris I seen and I know his face, I think it’s hitting him now. He isn’t smiling but yet manages to take pictures, he needs to know that India chick is not a friend, she is dragging him down. I assume he is thinking they are just friends, and he is being kind. I know him, I know what he is like, but he is playing dumb, he is really doing it “Mrs Fenty-Brown” looking up as the nurse “hi” getting up from my seat “hello, nice to see you again. You look so well, follow me” smiling at the nurse as I followed her to the room, Mel wasn’t sure about doing this and was like maybe this will break him but he has the world questioning my intentions of marrying him, I can do better but I can’t because I love him, I do love him and to me he is perfect but he is causing so much shit and then when he played a stupid card about being drunk, I don’t care. I rather find out the sex of the baby with Mel “hi Robyn, welcome” Audrey waved me in, walking into the room “nice seeing you” hugging Audrey “likewise, and who is this?” she pointed at Mel “she is my best friend Mel, Chris is busy” Audrey shook her hand “please come in” sitting down on the chair “I always said I had time for you did I not, I guess you have a busy schedule” nodding my head “I do so that is why I had to change it, but thank you for fitting me in” it was nice of her.
Audrey wasn’t wrong when she said that this scan is long as hell, she hasn’t said anything to me so I can imagine that things are ok with the baby but she is still measuring things and checking for any abnormalities, I have been very quiet since laying down with Mel holding my hand but I am just missing him and he should have been here really, this is what sucks but he has shamed me enough publicly, and making me look stupid “did I ever tell you that on Chris’ and I honeymoon that this guy called captain, I never said anything about being pregnant, that was when I was hiding that fact, so nobody really knew. He randomly told me that I am having a daughter, out of nowhere said I am having a girl. And I was so taken aback that he said that. I questioned how he knew, he said he sees the future and that I have four children but he is not sure about the forth, I am like what the fuck” Mel’ eyed bulged out “if he is correct I am going to him, he can tell me where the fuck I am going wrong” I laughed “likewise, that is if he is right” Audrey added that to the end, she isn’t giving anything away “he also said that we have a beautiful marriage and there isn’t anything we can’t take, things will be bumpy so yeah” I shrugged “I am being deadass Robbie, if he is right. I am going to Jamaica and seeing him” I chuckled “you ain’t going to wait for anything huh” shaking my head laughing “nope, Audrey tell us please” Mel is rushing her.
Audrey has been quiet and that scares me “why are you quiet?” I asked, she spoke more last time “I am doing a report on baby, there is a lot I have to write. No news is good news, if I started speaking and telling you then I was leading up to bad news. So are we ready to see baby, I can tell you the baby is so healthy, very active in the stomach. You heard the heartbeat right, but shall we see?” nodding my head “I can’t wait, I want to see my baby” I shrieked “I always felt like yes I am pregnant but it was a tiny little thing and I have been reading up on it and now they take form so I am so excited” Audrey smiled “that is right so if you would like to look at the screen in front of you, and now it’s in a weird position, let’s see if the baby moves while we do this” the screen came on and I pulled a face “this is the baby feet” she laughed “awww, showing the feet off, how adorable. Oh wait, I see a penis” Mel said, squinting my eyes “I am joking” hitting her arm “lying bitch” she is annoying “do you know hundred percent what the baby gender is?” I questioned “I can say one hundred percent I know what it is. Do you want to know?” looking over at Mel and guilt just came over me but then why should I wait “oh my god look at the baby moving Robyn, this one doesn’t actually be still” I swallowed hard “tell me, I want to know” staring at the screen seeing my baby “if you can see here, she just put her thumb in her mouth” poking my bottom lip out “wait” it just hit me “we have a mini Rihanna with the way she moves” placing my hand over my mouth “it’s a girl?” Audrey nodded her head “It’s a girl, congratulations” I sobbed out loudly, I was louder then I should have been but I am feeling so hurt about everything and now I am having daughter.
I feel so embarrassed that I cried the way I did, I wanted to run out of the place after that “mess” I said to myself “don’t say that, I am happy. So fucking happy, a whole niece. And I think she has your nose; I swear she does. Just look at the polaroid” shaking my head “you think I did wrong?” I asked Mel “erm, only you know your own pain Robyn. I think what makes it worse the headlines, it’s making the whole thing worse. Only you know the hurt he will feel but I mean, he has the world thinking the marriage is sham too, it’s a hard situation” looking out of the SUV window “I just wanted him to tell me before, I wanted him to keep in contact. It stemmed from that, that was the downfall. He is showing out, I get it but he needs to come back to who he is, he is not like them. Money can change a person, it can, and I don’t see that with Chris, but you end being that way because you have to show off to make it. I don’t ever expect him to not be around females, I don’t. But there are classy women and classless. Those girls that are there are there for one thing, I fully expected women to be there, I did but I just you know. I didn’t think Chris would be laughing and joking that way with them, he is flirty with his niceness and then when he reposted that and deleted it and his reaction to it, I have work on my hands. His ego is getting in the way, one of us are going to break and I hope it is him because if I do then my point isn’t going to get to him” I spoke to myself really, Mel will be just listening “my daughter will never go through what I went through, she will have a home and a loving home. She won’t go through that, she won’t and so help me god I won’t allow that, she will be loved by her dad, and she will get that” wiping my tears “she will get that Mel, my daughter will. Anyways, back to Mexico I need to sleep. I am tired” this is a mess.
Drake’ crib is the best thing I have ever seen in my life, the place is amazing, and I appreciate that he even allowed me into his home and let me just relax with the homies, I have had the best time here “back to sunny Cali now” Drake made his way over to me with his hands stuffed in his pockets “yes, I think it’s time. I think a nigga is in trouble, so you know” he got his hand out “I don’t pay attention to the blogs, you know what is in your heart so who cares” dapping him “true but thank you. Also they think I am a rapper now” Drake laughed out “album soon come, but we will see each other soon. Birthday next” I took in a deep breath “I think I am going to be in trouble bad, there won’t be one for me” Drake is laughing but I am being dead ass “this is why I don’t do marriage; I am young, and I need to evaluate myself. I need to test and taste the world yet but you’re an exception you had to wife Rihanna up, that was a must because it’s Rihanna but marriage for me, you did it anyways, but I wouldn’t pay attention to what the blogs say, you know your heart” he has a point “Breezy leaving us that quick, he barely arrived” Drake turned around to India “he has priorities now, you could both catch a flight together. I am joking but he’s going, link up soon. Tell riri it was nothing, it was just a little get together” picking up my duffle “be quiet nigga, anyways I am out. Indian, peace. Nice meeting you love” waving her off “until we meet again” I laughed out, that won’t be happening for a while “sure” I said as I continued to walk off.
I have not managed to look through social media like that, I have been peeping here and there but from what I know, from what TJ has been saying it’s not good and now I have to face the music of Robyn which I did nothing wrong, she is acting like I had an orgy which yes there could have been a thing but no, I am faithful to Robyn, she is my wife and I love her, but I enjoyed myself so much. I have never laughed so much in my life, just good vibes. Good booze, good weed, good vibes all around. It’s just amazing but now I am here, and I am dreading it, Robyn did not see the IndiaLove repost, I did it in a drunken manner in the middle of the night and I deleted, she sleeps early. It’s all hearsay on what happened and she is reading into that “thank you” picking my duffle back from the backseat as I got out of the Uber, I don’t know about that SUV shit, I don’t’ know how to be booking that shit when Robyn be telling about it. Drake only allowed phones in the oarty, that is why there is only pictures of that floating around, there was plenty of other shit in that, it’s all bullshit but I am just going to have to listen to Robyn go on about it, throw me out of the bedroom and deal with that, she is going to be dramatic.
I huffed out, I came back at night because she will be asleep and looks like she is. It’s quiet as hell but none of the lights are on, let me go upstairs and say hi to her that I am back because I want her to know that I did come back. Walking up the steps, looking down at my phone laughing at Drake’ text about have a I been kicked out yet, TJ said the same thing what is wrong with these niggas. Making my way to the bedroom, I don’t want to argue with Robyn this is why I will let her speak on how she feels first before I even say anything, yes I get it women were there. But nothing happened, pushing open the bedroom door and it’s just dark. No light on, I pulled a face. Not like Robyn at all, reaching over and putting the light on seeing the empty bed “Robyn?” looking around the bedroom, she can’t be in the bathroom because the light is off there too. Walking into the room more confused, slowly placing my bag on the bed looking around and then seeing my clothes on the floor, a trail actually. I swallowed hard; did something break into the home. Putting the light on in the walk in closet and my clothes are on the floor “fuck” where has she gone, getting my phone out of my pocket panicking on where she has gone.
Staring at Mel, Chris is on the phone to Mel because I have ignored his calls, so he called Mel “how do you not know where she is Chris? I don’t know where she is” Mel lied, I wonder how far is he going to go “I will try for you, ok bye” Mel disconnected the call “he is panicking sis, like when I said I don’t know she is supposed to be home he said I should know, like hell I should” my phone started ringing again “he is going to call me again, so he says because I am going to find out for him. He didn’t say why he just says she’s not home. Where is she, she should be home. What if someone has kidnapped her” rolling my eyes “now he cares, he hasn’t bothered since being in Canada but now he’s trying to move mountains. If he calls again I will pick up but honestly I should make him suffer for how he has done me, I just knew this whole trip would have been bad vibes because of the way he told me, I don’t want him to be Rihanna’ husband, I want him to have his own name but in the right way, anyways. I think it’s time I post” I smiled “oh yes, Melissa photography!” I grinned “let see how he feels when you post on Instagram and you don’t pick up, I am not saying about who took it though” looking down at my phone “I don’t mind” Mel said, she took a beautiful pictures of me with the sunsetting in the background. A side view of me, one hand just under my bump and the other arm just over my boobs. Bitch I was naked and what but it’s just a side view and it’s a nice ass picture, I smiled to myself adding a caption ‘Peace’ I wanted to keep it short, I did want to put just the two of us but it’s sparking drama so that is simple “that is now posted” I giggled to myself “it’s a beautiful picture, a black queen is going to give birth to a black queen and I love that for you” I am excited to know I am having a daughter.
That picture wasn’t even up for a second, he is calling me already, so the nigga has my notifications on clearly “that was quick, you know he is panicking” Mel is right he is, answering the call “yes?” I answered “I have been calling you! Least ten times now, what the fuck!” he shouted, “lower your tone, what is it?” oh the nigga is panicking, he is shouting so he has lost senses now “where are you!? Why is my clothes on the floor, where did you go without me knowing, are you serious? I thought someone took you, I panicked” he said out of breath “ok” I don’t care “ok? Robyn, I was scared. Where are you? I expected you home, this is stupid. And you posted a naked pictures, I told you about the body thing” I knew he would say that “so nigga?” I said, he is acting like I care “I get it, you’re angry with me but where are you. Come home” I sniggered “I am in Mexico” the line went silent “for what?” he said, his voice is less panicky now “I don’t know, last minute thing. You know how that goes” he did that to me “I will come to you, you went there alone!?” staring at Mel “yes” I lied, I think I will tell Mel to go because she doesn’t need to be involved in any of this “right, I will come there to you, like now” he can come I don’t care “make sure my house is clean before you think of leaving that house, I want the bed made, clothes picked and the washing done. And the floor needs cleaning Breezy” disconnecting the call “Mel you will need to go, he wants to come here. I don’t want you involved in any of it, neither of us can look to you for help. This is between me and him, he better clean that shit up” placing my phone on the table.
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@immolatic is once again, in my askbox, asking for two masked hackers
[ meme ]
Their first kiss had been a hot mess, but still a solid seven in Reggie’s book. He’d been high at the time, and probably suffering from a concussion thanks to a semi-poor decision - not to say that Jay had taken advantage of him (Although he could, at any point in time. Back then Wrench was beyond caring as long as he felt something.) but rather that the whole thing was a fucking mess. And, at a seven, it’d been the cause for many a spank bank session after, even long after the marks had faded.
However, a seven was still a fucking seven, and Reg has grown since then. There were things he wanted now in life - a little dose of anarchy, some violence, but most importantly stability and someone to not look at him like he was a constant fuck up. His ego, already as small as it was, had taken one too many beatings in far too a small a time, and for fucking once he wanted something normal, something not-a-seven but maybe an eight, or god fucking forbid a nine.
What he got instead of any of that, at the end of the entire Rampart affair, is a fucking smirk and a ‘you should have killed him.’ Even the Pearces, who had moments before been congratulating him on not murdering his traitor of a business partner, had blinked at that, in unison, and then looked between them before quickly exiting stage left. (And by that, they ducked out the front door after making excuses to talk to them later.)
So, to say that Reginald ‘The Wrench’ Blechman is steaming is an understatement. He’s furious. And weirdly hurt, left in the end of the entire affair feeling like his chest has been crushed in. And he’s fully aware, because he’s not a fucking idiot, that it’s his own damn fault. He had attachment issues even therapists were hesitant to touch, he had trust issues that were only outweighed by Jay’s own trust issues, he was divorced and sad and alone in a country full of people that were teaming together.
He’s also rapidly losing time and excuses, to avoid going home, which was a whole other issue on it’s own, one that he’d put second on his checklist of things he’d put together shortly after Jay’s arrival.
The checklist, for anyone curious, ran a little something like this:
✓ Murder Fuck over Thomas Rempart
✓ Avoid going home until he’s ready
✓ Convince Jackson Pearce to let him be his second uncle
✓ Give London a little bit of a boost to put itself back together
✕ Not fall back into like-like (or rebound crush) with JB Markowicz
✓ Contact Sitara and apologize for being a prick
✓ Warn Raymond that Jay was very much so still angry about the whole blackout thing
For anyone still hanging on that might have missed it, he’d failed checklist item number five pretty miserably, and that was arguably the most important thing on said list, minus revenge thing.
Which left him where he was: Chain smoking outside his apartment in the middle of the night, nursing one hell of a hangover, and trying to remember what exactly had been said during his drunken argument with Jay hours before. He’s pretty sure he’d spilled some important figurative (and literal, maybe) beans, but Reggie isn’t quite sure. Hard to be sure when the last thing he remembered was slamming into the apartment like a bat outta hell (which also, what the fuck did a bat outta hell look like, Meatloaf?) and yelling. A lot.
Pretending not to hear the door opening behind him, Reggie kicks his legs over the brick half wall he was sitting on, the picture of absolute ignorance (he hoped) and focuses instead on the smoke in his lungs, and the nicotine he could taste on his tongue.
“Wrench.” Reginald doesn’t turn around, thank you very much, because he’s the peak of maturity and also he wasn’t wearing his mask, ergo, he was not Wrench. He takes another drag of his cigarette, the smile that curls his mouth small and self serving as he hears a sigh and then his legal name. “Reg, you can’t avoid it all fucking night. Again.”
Yes, he could, Mr. Markowicz. Avoidance of subjects such as ‘going home’ and ‘you got your revenge, it’s time to go’ and ‘Marcus hired me to bring you back’ was a fucking skill of his at this point. In fact, it was so high up on his skill list, it was right under ‘Getting inappropriate crushes’ and ‘Breaking (important) things.’
Ashing his cigarette, Reginald turns to give the man a mild look, blinking only once in surprise when it occurs to him that Jay is far closer than he’d thought. One could say, too close. “What?”
“Reg.” A puff of annoyance, and then a glare. And then -
The hackervist had wanted at least a seven-point-five - and maybe a normal fucking kiss - but this was at least a nine and, well, he’d had a mouth full of smoke and Jay to his credit doesn’t even seem mildly put off. In fact, he pulls back, exhales smoke with a raise brow, and then grabs the front of Reggie’s sweater and pulls him back in for a part deux. All teeth and clever tongue and knowledge of things Reggie liked and things Reggie really like-liked.
“Come inside.” Jay says when they part, with only the smallest of bites to Reggie’s poor mouth. “We need to talk and you need to stop fucking sulking.”
In the shuffle to get up, Reggie drops his very expensive imported cigarette.
He doesn’t even look at it.
(Later, much much later he tells Jay ‘ten point five’ without context, but Jay smirks. Because he knows him in far more detail than anyone should. And then, Reggie tells him ‘First one was a seven’ and he gets punched, which was also fair.)
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Star, May 10
You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks
Cover: Meghan Markle having twin girls (oops!)
Page 1: Famous for doing his own stunts, Tom Cruise helicoptered in to the tiny English village of Levisham to film aboard, or rather hanging off of, a vintage train and along for the ride was his Mission: Impossible 7 costar Hayley Atwell, who was spotted running along the top of the North Yorkshire Moors Railway car and while the pair, surrounded by crew and tech experts, were total pros, it's an open secret on set that their romance is going strong and Tom and Hayley hang out non-stop when the cameras are off and are pretty much joined at the hip but not in a showy, PDA way; it's a very discreet thing they've got going on -- off-camera, 58-year-old Tom and 39-year-old Hayley enjoy quiet nights holed up in Tom's London digs, eating meals specially prepared by his private chef and they'll watch movies or read books or just chill out doing their own thing -- chilling out isn't Tom's forte, as audio leaked of him berating the film's crew for violating COVID-19 protocols, but things have calmed down considerably as the spy flick, due in theaters May 2022, closes in on its wrap date, but the ensuing publicity push will put Tom and Hayley's relationship front and center, but don't expect the devoted Scientologist to jump on any couches (a la Katie Holmes) announcing wife No. 4 as Tom has learned the hard way about putting everything out there and getting picked to pieces; this time, it's all about subtlety
Page 2: Contents, Cher got up and personal with the World's Loneliest Elephant Kaavan, who she helped relocate to Cambodia
Page 3: Brie Larson in a swimsuit with butterflies on it during a getaway to Hawaii, with headphones at the ready Brooke Burke was itching to cut a rug with friends before teaching a silent disco cardio party at the Rafi Lounge in Malibu, Maria Shriver and Christina Schwarzenegger enjoyed some quality time on a stroll in L.A., Boy George sporting a bold look on The Jonathan Ross Show in London
Page 4: In a recent interview, AnnaLynne McCord revealed a shocking diagnosis: for years, the 90210 alum has been battling dissociative identity disorder (often erroneously referred to as multiple personality disorder) -- she told Dr. Daniel Amen she is absolutely uninterested in shame about opening up despite the stigma surrounding mental-health issues because that's how we get to the point where we can articulate the nature of these pervasive traumas as horrible as they are -- for her part, the 33-year-old traces back her troubles to sexual abuse she suffered as a child and as had many of the 200,000 people diagnosed with DID each year, she suppressed those horrific memories and it was only within the past few years that they began to resurface, largely after she sought treatment for PTSD related to another sexual assault and she doesn't have any memories of abuse until around 5, then from 5 to 11, she recounts incidents throughout and then, when she was 13, she has a singled-out memory and it was at that age that she developed what doctors call a second personality identity: as Little Ann, the Georgia-born daughter of a pastor said she was balls to the wall, middle fingers to the sky, anarchist from hell who will stab you with the spike ring that she wears and that helped her survive her nightmarish situation -- ironically, acting created the same dynamic, making it sometimes difficult for AnnaLynne to let go of characters she'd played and all of her roles were splits but she didn't even realize she was doing it
Page 5: Jennifer Aniston wasn't exactly touched when Justin Theroux gushed about how much he still loves her in the issue of Esquire -- complaining about feeling like a hermit during the pandemic, 49-year-old Justin nearly got misty discussing FaceTiming and texting his ex, saying he cherishes their friendship and they can not be together and still bring each other joy and he'd be bereft if they weren't still in touch and he'd like to think the same for her -- but 52-year-old Jen, whose love life has been low-key since the pair's 2018 divorce, has stayed on good terms with most of her exes including Brad Pitt but doesn't want anything more than a friendship with Justin and sure, it's flattering but she's just moved on and wishes he would too, and that goes double for some of her friends who griped that Justin tried to milk Jen's connections to further his career -- in the end, Justin needs to know he's got no chance whatsoever of winning Jen back and she doesn't feel anything remotely close to passion for him anymore
* Roseanne Barr showed off her newly svelte frame on Instagram -- back in 1998, she lost 100 lbs after undergoing gastric-bypass surgery, but yo-yo'd over the next decades but now she's determined to keep the weight off by totally changing the way she eats and she's growing her own fruits and vegetables and has a whole new appreciation of food
* Five months after he entered the Federal Correctional Institution, Mossimo Gianulli finished up his stint at his plush Hidden Hills home and now, the 57-year-old, who along with wife Lori Loughlin, pleaded guilty to paying a $500,000 bribe to get their kids into USC, can't wait to get back to normal and his biggest priority, besides spending time with Lori and the girls, is to get out there on the golf course -- the designer, worth a reported $70 million, still has to perform 250 hours of community service while Lori, who finished up her prison stint in December, is chipping away at hers, doling out meals at L.A.'s Project Angel Food -- Lori and Mossimo have resolved not to dwell on the past and they want to move forward with a positive and grateful attitude
Page 6: Fans of Angelina Jolie's stunts in movies like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and Mr. & Mrs. Smith are looking forward to her return to the screen as a wildfire fighter in Those Who Wish Me Dead and in the upcoming Marvel flick Eternals but 45-year-old Angie would rather be behind the camera and she explained the real reason behind her comeback is she loves directing, but she had a change in her family situation that's not made it possible for her to direct for a few years and she needed to just do shorter jobs and be home more, so she went back to doing a few acting jobs -- that change in her family situation, of course, is her divorce from Brad Pitt, ongoing since their 2016 split and with no bitter end in sight and it could drag on for years
* Catherine Zeta-Jones says it's no secret her 20-year marriage to 76-year-old Michael Douglas hasn't been easy and it wouldn't be normal if there weren't any ups and downs -- it's another Michael, her Prodigal Son costar Michael Sheen, who has friends whispering as both are Welsh and only a year apart, the two have been having a lot of fun shooting the serial-killer drama and they had never met before the series but they keep discovering how much they have in common -- while Michael, who has been linked with Kate Beckinsale, Rachel McAdams and Sarah Silverman, has been with Anna Lundberg for two years, friends can't help worrying because it's a little to close for comfort
Page 8: Star Shots -- Marlee Matlin kicked back during a portrait session in La Canada Flintridge in California, a loaded-down Irina Shayk in a Victoria's Secret photoshoot in NYC, Gavin Rossdale and his dog Chewy leaving tennis practice in L.A.
Page 9: Kelly Clarkson and her battle advisor Luis Fonsi on The Voice, John Stamos at the drive-in premiere of his new series Big Shot in L.A.
Page 10: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley toting her $3800 Bottega Veneta Shell bag in NYC, Niall Horan and Anne-Marie jumped into a classic Jaguar XK120 for a music video in Essex in England, Adam Driver as Maurizio Gucci on the set of House of Gucci on a bicycle in Rome
Page 11: Jay Leno takes a selfie with a fan, Kate Hudson and her daughter Rani busting out some mommy-and-me moves
Page 12: David Beckham filming a commercial for Maserati, Kaley Cuoco working out with ropes, a windswept Olivia Culpo held on tight to pup Oliver while enjoying a sunset ride aboard a boat named after her dog, Miles Teller looked both ways during a cruise in his blue Ford Bronco which is the same car he flipped in a 2016 accident
Page 13: Garrett Hedlund hit the pavement in a jog in Hollywood, Johnny Depp got behind the camera at the photocall for his film Minamata during the Barcelona Film Festival, friendly exes Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry masked up for a walk in L.A.
Page 14: 2021 ACMs -- country celebrates its best in Nashville -- Elle King and Miranda Lambert kicked off the 56th Academy of Country Music Awards by rolling up in a hot ride before performing, Blake Shelton, Dierks Bentley, co-host Keith Urban
Page 15: Maren Morris and Ryan Hurd performed together, Carrie Underwood
Page 16: Margot Robbie inline skating during a beach day in Malibu, Kate Beckinsale carrying her two cats and her dog as she tried to read, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend and their daughter Luna took a silly mid-game family selfie while playing Hedbanz
Page 18: Normal or Not Normal? A sleepy George Stephanopoulos was caught yawning on the Good Morning America set -- normal, Emily Blunt kicked back a little too much at The Jonathan Ross Show -- not normal
Page 19: With a $1400 rainbow Gucci sweater wrapped around her shoulders Selling Sunset's pregnant Christine Quinn with her dogs in L.A. -- normal, Chelsea Handler works out with her dog on her back -- not normal, Zach Braff stuck his tongue out as he took a silly selfie filming the Cheaper by the Dozen reboot -- not normal
Page 22: Fashion -- stars shine in metallic frocks -- Becky G, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Karen Gillan
Page 23: Miranda Lambert, Cynthia Erivo, Renee Zellweger
Page 26: Travis Barker didn't hold back in his birthday tribute to girlfriend Kourtney Kardashian -- sharing a series of sexy shots with 42-year-old Kourtney, including a NSFW video of Kourtney sucking his thumb and the rocker's risque pics quickly went viral, as did Kourt's TMI essay posted to her health and wellness site Poosh titled "Rough Sex: Love It or Leave It?" -- definitely leave it, if it were up to the pair's kids; 17-year-old Landon and 15-year-old Alabama, who are 45-year-old Travis' children with ex-wife Shanna Moakler, are mortified by their dad's behavior and like most teenagers, the two are active on social media and can't avoid the new couple's loved-up posts and Travis' kids are happy that he's happy, but the PDA is weird and takes some getting used to, while Travis' stepdaughter Atiana De La Hoya, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have a problem as the 22-year-old posted a heart-eyes emoji -- as for spending time with Mason, 11, Penelope, 8, and 6-year-old Reign, Kourt's kids with ex Scott Disick, the pair try to restrain themselves but still the lovebirds are happily oblivious and have a hard time toning it down and Kourt and Travis are just being themselves and going with the flow; they're in love and want the world to know it
Page 27: After 10 months of dating Australian model Vanessa Valladares, Zac Efron is officially back on the market -- 33-year-old Zac called it off with the 25-year-old after things got too serious, too soon and they spent every moment together and it was too claustrophobic for him, as Vanessa, who quit her job and gave up everything to be with Zac, became a fixture on set as he worked on Down to Earth with Zac Efron and he felt guilty that she was giving up her dreams and aspirations to be with him -- despite their split, Zac, who had put his L.A. home on the market and extended his stay in Australia after meeting Vanessa, has no plans to rush back to the States because he has made a lot of friends there and feels at home
* Like many planning their vows during the pandemic, Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost had to get strategic when it came to their big day -- Scarlett said they wanted it to feel like it had an intentional intimacy as opposed to being something that felt like they were restricted by all these things -- the intimate and small event the pair threw was at their $4 million Palisades, N.Y. home in October and the ultra-private pair kept their guests safe, and the guest list was tiny and it was understated but lovely, just what they wanted -- now Scarlett and Colin have settled in to married life and Scarlett and Colin both like to steer clear of the spotlight which makes them perfectly suited for each other
* Vanessa Hudgens revealed the surprising way she was introduced to boyfriend Cole Tucker, who she's been dating since November -- 32-year-old Vanessa and 24-year-old Cole met on a Zoom meditation group and Vanessa admits that the Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop is just perfect for her and Vanessa and Cole, who debuted their romance on Valentine's Day, moved their budding friendship offline after feeling sparks via the virtual meeting app and they started communicating on their own and found out they have a lot in common -- now Vanessa, who dated Austin Butler for nine years before their 2020 split, is zooming ahead and she doesn't want to rush or jinx things, but she's saying Cole could be The One
Page 28: Cover Story -- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Twin Girls -- it was a somber, but loving occasion as the royal family celebrated the life of Prince Philip and amid the pomp and truly touching moments, like Queen Elizabeth sitting frail and alone, viewers waited to see what would happen when Harry and Prince William reunited for the first time since Harry and Meghan stepped down from senior royal duties in March 2020 and just weeks after their bombshell TV interview rocked the monarchy and tensions had been running high before the funeral, but everything went better than expected as William and Harry bonded and united in grief at the loss of their beloved grandfather, the estranged siblings along with William's wife Duchess Kate Middleton, waved away their waiting cars, opting to walk the half-mile from St. George's Chapel to Windsor Castle together and the trio chatted easily as they strolled -- back home in Montecito, Harry has been by pregnant Meghan's side around the clock making sure she takes it easy and the couple are in full-blown prep mode and Harry has been helping baby-proof their mansion and designing the nursery and Harry's been on his hands and knees making the house baby-friendly and he's got the latest, state-of-the-art safety devices installed around the pool -- Harry's promising visit with the royal family has given him one less thing to worry about, but still he and members of The Firm will always have different perspectives and after dismissing William and dad Prince Charles as trapped by the monarchy, Harry was persuaded by Kate to take the first step and she went up to Harry to suggest he have a heart-to-heart with William and their father, then she stepped back; Harry felt nostalgic being back home and it's a work in progress -- Harry made headway with his grandmother as well as he and Queen Elizabeth had a private meeting and spoke for three hours and seeing Harry's face made her smile again and Harry loves his grandmother very much and he's promised to bring his kids back to England later this year and he wants the Queen to spend quality time with them
Page 31: The Home Birth Brigade -- Who needs hospitals? These fearless celebrity moms opted to welcome their babies in the comfort of their own homes -- Ashley Graham, Eva Amurri, Hilary Duff, Gisele Bundchen, Gigi Hadid
Page 32: Kim Kardashian: Billionaire Bachelorette -- months after officially filing for divorce Kanye West, Kim is majorly ready to mingle -- Kanye's miffed that fans think he's the one who got dumped when he simply let her file first
Page 34: Not Boyfriend Material -- celebs share tales of dates gone bad, and guys who definitely didn't deserve a second chance -- Patricia Arquette, Mindy Kaling, Jenny Slate
Page 35: Awkwafina, Emma Watson, Kelly Clarkson
Page 36: For Mom -- for Mother's Day, express gratitude to the No. 1 lady in your life with the perfect gift -- Naomi Watts cofounded the ONDA Mama Box
Page 40: Entertainment
Page 48: Parting Shot -- in honor of Earth Day, Alison Brie kicked off the second year of the Planet Oat Project by planting trees at Rancho Sierra Vista -- the 38-year-old also took to Instagram to bring awareness to the wildlife restoration initiative, noting that a startling three million acres of trees in California have been destroyed by recent wildfires
#tabloid#grain of salt#tabloid toc#tabloidtoc#meghan markle#prince harry#prince william#duchess kate#kate middleton#queen elizabeth#kim kardashian#kanye west#alison brie#tom cruise#hayley atwell#mission: impossible 7#mission impossible 7#cher#kaavan#kaavan the elephant#annalynne mccord#justin theroux#jennifer aniston#roseanne barr#mossimo giannulli#angelina jolie#catherine zeta-jones#catherine zeta jones#michael sheen#travis barker
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James & Chloé
James: We need to talk, since you’re back in London, would you like to meet at [somewhere she would]?
Chloé: Did Diana not mention she’d invited me?
Chloé: How odd
Chloé: It must have slipped her mind with all the planning
James: Diana isn't the focus of the conversation we have to have, you haven't seen or spoken to your children in a really long time
Chloé: And who’s fault is that, James
James: yours for not once picking up the phone
Chloé: You act as if I left on my own accord and wasn’t forced out
Chloé: Excuse me for being unable to see our children from Saint Tropez
James: you behave as though you’ve made countless pleas for me to allow them on a flight with your parents which have been ignored
Chloé: You cheated on me, moved your mistress in and kicked me out
Chloé: There’s no world you can make me look like the bad guy
Chloé: I haven’t got anywhere to live
James: are you going to see the girls or not, Chloé?
Chloé: What are they to you
Chloé: something to hold over my head like a reward
James: you’re punishing Jay by continuing to act like this
Chloé: By ‘act like this’ you mean not letting you get away with what you’ve done without saying anything
Chloé: I’m allowed to speak my truth, that is the very least I’m owed
Chloé: The divorce I could hit you with, you’d have nothing because you’re in the wrong, not me
James: no, I mean you’re no longer at your parents’ villa, you have no excuse not to see her & Mattie, which is the least they’re owed as your daughters
Chloé: I haven’t said I won’t
Chloé: But I don’t have to organize seeing my daughters through you, because they’re mine, not yours
Chloé: I want nothing to do with you, thank you
James: talk to your mother & have her liaise with me then
Chloé: Stop telling me what to do, James
Chloé: You lost that privilege when you ended our marriage
James: it isn’t a privilege I was ever afforded during our marriage, the end of which is a separate conversation, stop giving a 7-year-old the silent treatment, she’s done nothing wrong
Chloé: I’m not
Chloé: I know you’re dating a child now, but I’m a grown woman, if you recall
James: I don’t recall actually, having witnessed no past or present evidence of any mature behaviour from you, hence I’m asking you to make an attempt now
Chloé: Who the fuck are you to ask anything of me
James: Jay can’t, you’ve given her no opportunity
Chloé: She’s a child, she doesn’t get a say in how I live my life
Chloé: Great to see you’ve been totally spoiling her, that’ll help her in the long run
James: after abandoning her you don’t get to criticise my parenting
Chloé: After making me homeless, you don’t get to say I abandoned anyone
James: you didn’t even acknowledge Mattie’s birthday
Chloé: You didn’t send me an invite
James: I shouldn’t have to, you’re her mother
Chloé: No, you’d rather prioritize your new ‘relationship’ over making me feel welcome at my own daughter’s birthday
James: the children are my priority
Chloé: Yeah, right
Chloé: You didn’t invite me, and that’s my fault
James: no contact with them whatsoever since you left was your decision, not mine
Chloé: Mattie is a baby, she can’t answer the phone
Chloé: and Jay can barely hold a conversation, I don’t know what you think I could do from France
James: you could facetime her while she still recognises you & Jay can read & write as well as hold a conversation if you’d like to send her a letter
Chloé: No, I would not like to send her a letter
Chloé: I’m not in prison, James
Chloé: love that as you blatantly would
Chloé: I don’t need your suggestions or ‘help’
James: okay
Chloé: Okay, is that it?
James: until I hear from your mother regarding arrangements for the girls, yes
Chloé: Don’t treat me like a child
James: communicate with me like an adult
Chloé: Like you did, when you failed to let me know about your affair
Chloé: Good one, you haven’t got a leg to stand on
James: I’m trying to facilitate a reunion between you & the children, not you & I, your grievances would be beside the point even if you hadn’t already aired them at the time
Chloé: They are not beside the point
Chloé: not when my reality is still being without a home and you giving access to my children to a random teenage girl who will be gone before they know what’s happening
Chloé: so don’t sit here and lecture me like you’re remotely in the right about any of this
James: I’m not claiming to be in the right, nor have I ever, I’m just trying to act in their best interest by arranging for them to see you while you’re still in the country
Chloé: I’ll do it myself
Chloé: You aren’t helpful, you never have been
James: please do
Chloé: Goodbye, James
Chloé: I suggest you ditch the preteen if you want to get access in the divorce
James: goodbye, Chloé
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Shelter (Part Two)
Pairing: Jay White x OFC (Estella)
Word count: 2,814
Content advisory: nothing, really, other than a wee bit of violence
You’ll need to read part one for this to make sense.
During the course of the next day, I demanded to be able to speak to Hannah and to my cousin, as well as to receive news of the two guards who had accompanied us. None of these requests was granted and at that point I realized that I was not so much a guest in the castle as a prisoner. I couldn't imagine what strategic purpose I would serve but evidently there were political games afoot of which I had no understanding. Finally, after two full days, I was graced by a visit from our host and captor.
Jay strode into my chambers at least more decently dressed than the night we’d arrived. Still, he wore no coat and he carried a bottle of wine that he drank from liberally as he paced around the room and his expression was far from what one would expect of a man greeting an equal.
“I understand that you’ve asked to speak to me,” he hissed, eyes lighting on mine like somehow my request had constituted an act of war.
“You know good and well why I have. You’ve no right keeping my servants and I like prisoners here. We came to you seeking aid and we gave you no reason to feel threatened. What excuse do you have for your behavior?”
“You seem unaware of how things are in these parts. Every week, there are attacks from the Scots in the north. Every week, his majesty in London sends more troops in the name of protecting the border but who keep an eye out to see whose lands can be plundered and claimed for the crown. And every week, dozens of men return dead and dying. You do not get to pass through these parts unmolested, no matter who you are. To gain safe passage, you need to pay the toll.”
“As much as I would like to think such piracy was beneath the noble classes,” I growled, “had you indicated that you were simply a mercenary looking for a reward, I would have offered you plenty. You did not need to resort to kidnapping me and my companions. Even now, though it pains me to entreat with you as an equal, I tell you to name your price. We have already lost time, which we can ill afford. So settle your price, have your grooms prepare our horses and allow us to leave without any further delay.”
Jay’s eyes widened as I spoke and as I finished, he laughed loudly in response.
“My dear Estella, what a delightful sense of humor you’ve developed,” he chuckled. He walked a slow circle around me, sardonic laughter tumbling from him as he spoke. “You think you’re in a position to give me orders, to tell me what will and won’t happen in my own castle. You and your party arrive out of nowhere, with no proper explanation of what you’re doing in these parts. Your father is a well-established lord whose lands have doubled in size during his lifetime. Your sister is married to one of the most powerful men in the country, an ally of the King who stands to become the lord of half the country if he can establish a stronghold in the north. And you are married into the royal family of Cumbria, whose reach extends further to the east each year.
“And you would have me believe that you just happened to find yourself stranded on this road, that your clever servants brought you up this way rather than taking the much safer routes to the south?”
He stopped his pacing and stepped close enough to me that I could feel his breath on my face.
“Estella, dear cousin, why don’t you tell me what your real purpose is here?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I stammered, feeling nervous although I had no reason. “Everything I’ve told you is the truth and I have no ulterior motives. You wound me by suggesting otherwise.”
His blue-green eyes locked onto mine with an expression I couldn’t quite read but which terrified me. I moved to back away from him but he caught my arm and held me in place, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. A smile that seemed more madness than mirth crossed his face as he walked me backwards until I was pressed against the wall.
He ran his hand up my arm and cupped my cheek in his hand, pressing his face close to mine. I felt my body running hot and cold in waves, frightened of what he meant to do to me and at the same time wanting to know what was in store.
“Do you remember the last time we saw each other, Ella?”
I nodded, unsure how to relate this to what had come before.
“Do you remember when we left your home, how you took your leave of me? Do you remember the kiss on the cheek you gave me?”
His lips pressed against my skin as he spoke and I leaned into the contact, unsure why.
“I do,” I rasped. “But it was a childish gesture. I didn’t mean…”
I could not think of how to finish the sentence, alarmed and excited as I was at the feeling of his chiseled chest against me, pinning me in place.
“I’ve thought of it often,” he murmured, lips trailing over my neck and jaw. “I was too young at the time to even understand why it affected me so. But I’ve had more than enough time to reflect on the feelings you stirred in me. Tell me, have I stirred anything in you? Have you thought about me?”
I stammered trying to come up with a response. Of course I had thought of him. I was embarrassed at how I’d imagined that he might be the boy who left and returned a gallant knight of a man, a romantic hero. At the same time, it was obvious he was no hero to me. I was his captive based on his specious ideas about tribal warfare in these parts. Perhaps his licentiousness had made him believe that there were no people with pure and gentle motives any longer. I wanted to understand but it didn’t matter as long as he was keeping me locked in here like an enemy. Nevertheless, I continued to lean into him, lips inclined towards his until they touched almost of their own accord.
The kiss was slow and tentative but I felt the echoes of it reverberate through every part of my body. I wanted it to continue but he pushed me back roughly against the wall, snapping his body away from mine as if emerging from a trance. I surprised myself by trying to cling to him, although I could think of no reason to do so. But to my embarrassment, he detached himself from me like I was a spider’s web, shoving me away with the same intensity he’d pulled me in.
“You feign innocence so well, I believe you could seduce all the kings of Europe,” he snarled. “I’m fortunate to have been alerted to your duplicitousness before you could claim my head for your mantle.”
“You wound me. I have been nothing but honest and open with you. You are the one who has played the villain, holding me captive, inventing stories of intrigue between nobles, speaking in riddles when I have told you clearly that I wish only to pass through your lands to my father’s home in Northumbria to see him before he dies.”
There were tears in my eyes and in my voice as I watched his emotionless face glaring back at me. I stepped forward and tried to capture his hand in mine, hoping the contact would remind him of our ancient familial bond, but he swung himself out of my way, leaving me grasping at the air.
“My father is very sick. My mother is taken sick as well. My only reason for journeying this way is that I might be able to see them and to comfort them. You have seen for yourself the love that we bear each other. How can you imagine that I would have any other reason to travel without my husband, through dangerous country?”
Without meaning to, I stumbled on the word “husband”. I had a husband, of course, but I felt there was some little deceit in calling him such when our marriage had never been fully consummated. Although I knew it was wrong, I felt like the full realization of our marriage hung upon an act I knew precious little about. Nevertheless, I saw Jay’s eyes narrow at my slight hesitance. I wished that I could make him understand that even in a point as irrelevant as this, I was incapable of deceiving him.
“I think you need more time to think about what it is you’ve come here to do,” he hissed.
I blinked and immediately felt the stream of tears down my face. “I tell you again that I have been honest with you in every detail. You know as much of what brought me here as I do. There is nothing else to know. Ask my companions if you don’t believe me!”
“Oh I have, and I will,” he retorted, a vicious kind of smile on his face.
There was a long moment where the two of us stared fire at each other, both of us straining for breath as if we had been in a literal battle, both of us refusing to capitulate. And then, as if obeying some unheard instruction, we were in each other’s arms again, lips straining to come together as our faces brushed against one another. Before we could find our way to a kiss, he thrust me violently away, my facing hitting the stone wall hard enough that I cried out. I looked to him, trying to understand his sudden reversal, but I only saw him hurry from the room, his hand touching the grip of the dagger he wore strapped to his waist.
I held my aching face, crying into my hands for some time until I finally made my way to the lumpy mattress where I tried to sleep. I didn’t know who this man was, this man I’d called family, this man I believed I once knew and even cared for. I didn’t understand his anger and violence towards me, especially since I knew I’d done nothing to provoke it. But most frightening of all, I did not understand the physical sensations he stirred in me. These were not the feelings I’d had when imagining my own version of the heroes of the books I read. Nor were they feelings of revulsion. In fact, what I felt was the opposite of both of those things at once and I had no idea what that meant.
These thoughts kept me preoccupied enough that I passed a fitful night and found it difficult to stay awake during the day. The serving women appointed to me tutted their disapproval when they saw how little I consumed of the food they brought. I ignored them, unwilling to engage in even light conversation any longer. I was trapped and maligned and assaulted by feelings I didn’t understand. If all I could do to resist was refuse the food that was brought to me, then I determined I would do that.
It was late at night when he arrived in my rooms again, this time staggering from the drink, his cheeks visibly flushed even through the thick hairs of his beard. He dropped a platter with food on the table where I was sitting before slouching against the wall.
“Eat!” he ordered, waving a hand at the food. “You’re not going to starve yourself, so stop being dramatic.”
I glared at him, gathering what pride I could muster, nostrils quivering a little at the scent of the delicious-smelling food before me and at the mix of red wine and musk that wafted from him.
“Let me and my companions go.”
He gave a sort of barking laugh and staggered over to me, grabbing a crust of bread and some sliced meat that he shoved into my mouth. I struggled instinctively, which only caused him to grab hold of my jaw and clamp his other hand over my nose, forcing me to chew and swallow if I wanted to breathe. By the time I gulped down what he’d given me, I had tears staining my cheeks, something which elicited a nasty little smile from him.
“So, my dear, are you going to eat on your own or am I going to make you?”
“On my own,” I choked, gingerly picking up another piece of bread and bringing it to my lips.
He watched as I ate the bread as quickly as I could, struggling to force it down my dry throat. Picking up on this, he jammed the bottle of wine he was holding to my mouth and poured the liquid over my lips. I was able to adjust before too much spilled but he kept the bottle in place until I was spluttering, unable to take any more.
He took a long drink from the bottle himself, winding his fingers through my hair as he did, pulling me so that I was looking up at him, my face a mess of tears and spittle. As he finished his drink, he leaned down and planted his lips on mine, hard and unkind, crushing my lips between his teeth and mine, enjoying the whimper that escaped me when a little of the wine spilled from his mouth over my tongue.
“You still think you can play me for a fool?” he snarled.
He leant forward as if he meant to kiss me again and, as if on instinct, I slid my hand over to where I knew he kept his dagger. By the time he realized what I was doing, I had pulled it free and had the blade against his throat. Intoxicated as he was, I was able to force myself against him, making sure that the blade stayed hard against his most vulnerable point, the blood visibly pumping against it as I pulled him towards the door.
“Call your guards,” I hissed to him. “But make sure your tone stays gentle.”
He followed my instructions, wild eyes locked on me while I was unable to look directly at him.
Immediately, the chief of the guard reached for his sword and I pushed the blade a little harder against Jay’s skin.
“Stay your weapons,” he rasped, frantically gesturing to his men. “Do as she says.”
“Bring my handmaid and my guards to me,” I said as evenly as I could manage. “Prepare our horses and bring them to the front. When we have made our way far enough, I’ll release your master.”
The guards hesitated until Jay nodded and indicated that they should follow my instructions.
“Are you still going to try to claim that your presence here is innocent?” Jay growled at me.
“You can think what you want. I’ve tried to treat you as a noble, as an equal, as the friend and cousin I once knew. Now I am a woman whose duty is to her family and I will be damned if I let you stand in my way.”
“Ma’am,” I heard Hannah squeak as she arrived with one of the guards.
“We are leaving, Hannah. We are going to Northumbria immediately.”
It was a long wait for the guards to bring the men and when they did, I could scarcely believe my eyes. The two strapping lads who had accompanied us to the castle, who had stood as our protectors when we first entered this place, were gone. In their place were two fleshy marionettes, broken and bent, barely capable of standing under their own power for a second or two.
I felt my breath quicken as I took in the terrible state of their bodies, trying to imagine how I could get all of us safely through to my father’s home.
“What has happened to you?” I asked as calmly as I could, looking James in the eye.
“I’m so sorry ma’am,” he murmured, straining to say even that much.
“What have you done to him?”
As I tried to demand answers from the assembled men, I felt weak and in that moment, the pressure of my blade on Jay’s neck slacked ever so slightly. He realized it even before I did and in an instant I felt my arm painfully twisted and the dagger fall from my grasp. For one second, I locked eyes with James again, only to see him mouth another apology to me. Then I felt the sickening impact of a boot and my face crashed into the stone wall.
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✶ - 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆'𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒗𝒆𝒍 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆
gentle disclaimer that i’m going off of her age as opposed to actual years . this is to keep the focus on her & plot points in her life , rather than events in the universe(s) she inhabits - although i do have ideas about when these events occur adjacent to the mcu , so i will add in little notes about that as i go . also this is going to be incredibly long - so it’s going under a read more . things may also change with plotting / the addition of mains - so this will be a living document , & i will add things accordingly .
𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 - hope is born in london , england to newlyweds ardella & damien baxter , a biochemist & engineer respectively . she spends her first 2 years growing up in the city , but with little faith on the way her parents decide to take advantage of the farmhouse ardella recently inherited in the states .
when hope is the age of 3 , faith is born , & her family is living happily on the outskirts of a little farming town - brightside , tennessee . growing up in the country is paradise - she spends her time exploring the woods , caring for animals , & helping her mama in the kitchen . it’s not until later that she realizes she’s just a bit lonely - especially once faith starts to pull away from her .
at the age of 11 she meets winfield , the boy who will be her best friend for life . he is a bully , initially - but with some convincing ( & her mama’s famous triple chocolate muffins . ) he gives her a chance . . . & from then on they’re thick as thieves . before their friendship , hope was rather shy & reserved - but with his encouragement she quickly blossoms into much more of a socialite .
her life is looking up until the age of 14 . she discovers her parents have been killed in a lab ‘accident’ at their place of work , a company she knows next to nothing about . it only occurs to her later that maybe there was a reason for her parent’s secrecy . not knowing better , the sisters wrongly assume that the ‘social worker’ that comes to collect them means well - really , she is connected to the deaths of their parents , & they are taken to an illegal testing facility to be experimented upon . once it’s clear that these people mean them harm , hope does her best to fight back & protect her sister - but . . . really , at this point she doesn’t stand a chance .
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 - she learns that the woman who kidnapped them is dr . bianca white . she doesn’t know it at the time , but this woman used to work with her parents . what she does know pretty immediately , is that she is bad news . hope is convinced to make a deal with her : allow herself to become their willing little lab rat , or allow her sister to receive the same treatment . it’s a no brainer , hope chooses to comply .
by the age of 15 there’s been little to no progress & her captors are becoming impatient . their experiments become more & more ruthless . faith has started to detach herself from both hope & the world in general . she’s angry with her sister , for making no attempt to escape or fight back at all - unaware of the deal she has made . it’s at this point they are seperated entirely - & experimentation on faith begins , however hope is oblivious to this . she needs to believe these people are keeping their promise . faith becomes even more resentful of hope every day .
just after her 16th birthday she’s told faith has died . the scientists have a hunch - their energy readings show a correlation with hope’s emotions , negative ones in particular . so they provide the most negative stimulus they can think up , even if it is a total lie . faith is alive & well , however she’s been manipulated into aligning herself with her captors . what her torturers hadn’t planned on , is just how volatile hope’s reaction would be . the energy behaves like a sizable bomb - freeing hope & injuring everyone within the blast radius . finally , she is able to fully access the abilities she’s been developing for the past two years . she’s on a warpath to escape the facility & free the other victims , putting an end to the experimentation for good . in the meantime , dr . white escapes with faith - cutting her losses .
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐇 - wealthy journalist , kit armington , is tasked with reporting on the facility’s illicit activity & takes pity on hope - taking her in as a foster child . during this time hope endures questioning by the police , the press , & eventually several hearings as a witness . dr . white is presumed dead - hope believes she murdered her , & despite how much hatred she holds in her heart for that woman . . . this really tanks her mental health & self image . she feels like a disappointment to everything her mother stood for , & vows to never use her abilities again . . . she doesn’t even try , for fear of hurting anyone .
at 18 hope has completed her education through home schooling , testing out of high school & with kit’s financial aid - she enrolls in college . it’s there she meets christina , & . . . these two have a rocky start . as roommates they clash - christina is a bit of a shut in & a neat freak . . . hope is disorganized & has fallen in with the partying crowd - which is atypical for her , but trying to drink away the pain seems a lot better than having to feel it all the time . it’s not until a late night heart to heart that they finally see eye to eye . hope convinces christina to come out with her & live a little - christina keeps hope from overdoing it . they balance each other perfectly , & make a great team - this never changes . it’s at this point christina begins to develop an unrequited crush on her best friend .
𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐘 ( domestic abuse tw ) - the pair graduate at the age of 22 & begin their journey of opening a bakery together . they receive the condition that if they can raise half of the funds necessary , kit & christina’s family will match the sum in equal parts . the pair head to new york , christina working as an accountant & hope working two waitressing gigs . it’s at this point she starts dating a guy that’s no good for her - as christina would remind her frequently . she’s not proud of her time spent with him , but she’s also infatuated with the illusion of love - especially considering all she’s been through . it’s at this point she’s reunited with winfield , who is down on his luck trying to make it as an actor in the big city . she takes him in , after some convincing - but is understandably vague about the circumstances of her disappearance . one day she returns to the apartment with a blackened eye - & though she tells him not to , he goes after her abusive boyfriend . hope follows , walking in on the violent confrontation . seeing her best friend being beaten to a pulp triggers her powers for the first time since her escape from the facility - effectively putting a stop to the brawl , & exposing her powers to winfield . he convinces her to use them for good - & once again becomes her trusted confidant . at this point she can barely lift a feather without her emotions being supercharged - but this changes with time & practice .
𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 - at the age of 25 Hope’s Bakery is open for business . winfield has his own place , just across the street & she is practicing vigilante justice when the sun goes down . it’s this chunk of time i use as a default for most of her interactions . ( in comparison to the mcu , i place this before the winter soldier . ) this is her situation until the beginning of her first arc - effectively , her status quo . virtually untrained , all alone - but determined to do some good .
𝑎𝑟𝑐 𝟣 . 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 - mercenaries start turning up to kill hope . not her vigilate alter ego , stellar jay , hope b . baxter . at first she thinks her identity has been compromised , but that’s not it . following the clues , she learns it’s dr . white - back from the dead . she’s become aware of her vigilante routine , & wants to cash in on her lab project . the mercenaries were a test , to see what she could do - & gauge whether it’s worth trying to recruit her . hope , of course , isn’t happy about this . especially when dr . white decides to use christina as leverage . this would be a great time for any close friends / potential romantic partners to discover her secret - since this is where she’s at her sloppiest . there’s a lot of stuff left loose here for mains / additions to canon - but eventually , hope has a final showdown with bianca white & discovers that her sister is alive & well & pretty evil . she’s asked to choose her own freedom for chris’s life , however with winfield’s help she is already safe . dr . white shifts bargaining chips - threatening faith’s life , who is now thoroughly betrayed . the sisters do the impossible , working together to take down bianca - who is remorselessly dispatched by faith . . . who disappears as quickly as she reappeared in hope’s life .
needless to say chris , hope , & win all go to therapy after all of this .
𝑎𝑟𝑐 𝟤 . 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐖𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐖𝐄'𝐕𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐃𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 ? - now 26 , hope spends this arc trying to find faith & convince her to come with her & stop killing people , please . her sister has taken to freelance mercenary work - so hope isn’t too pleased . it becomes very clear that faith always felt outcasted & unwanted in their family , especially from ardella - who only seemed to praise hope . this resentment isn’t easily cracked , but hope does her best . it doesn’t quite work , but seeds are inevitably planted in faith’s mind - maybe her sister isn’t the pretentious perfect princess she built up in her mind . hope is a guilty hero after all , constantly in battle with her desire to do good & reluctance to use the full extent of her powers . she’s convinced her mother would be disappointed by her violent approach . so faith enlightens hope . . . their mother wasn’t who they thought she was .
she caused the explosion that killed her , their father , & a whole department of scientists . she sacrificed herself & others to prevent a dangerous substance from being utilized by the wrong group of people . their parents worked for the same facility that kidnapped their children - dr . bianca white was their boss , & had been blackmailing them for years . ardella finally had enough , & decided to end it .
hope had always held her mother up on a pedestal , idealizing her , & holding herself to impossible standards . . . now she’s the bigger person , with no body count & the knowledge that her pacifist mother was capable of so much destruction .
𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄 - adding this little bit in here , because the only thing that could make hope’s mental health tank even further at this point is christina & her cat pumpkin turning to ash at her feet . she does all she can to cope , helping her community , reuniting what’s left of families , & providing food through the bakery for people in need . but when things quiet down ? she flees the city to spend some alone time in her hometown . this would be a great time for any potential friends / romantic partners to check up on her . . . or even stay for good . not much to do for 5 years , after all . she gardens , picks up a stray dog & names her honey , bakes a lot , just sort of . . . lets the scars heal over . by the end hope is 31 .
𝑎𝑟𝑐 𝟥 . 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 - now that the world’s back on track . . . hope quickly learns that faith is back in action , now a fully formed villain . hope is taking it upon herself to take her down , but it’s not going to be easy . this arc is a bit of a question mark , but it will inevitably end with faith finally admitting that she wants her sister back after all these years .
& that’s the full timeline for now . that’s what hope is dealing with while she’s chatting with your muses . . . so be kind to her , she’s going through a lot . help her out , teach her how to fight - hold her when she cries ! & most importantly - come plot with me so your muse can be factored into these arcs !
#✶ I’M QUITE SMALL AND I NEVER HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER ✶ ( headcanon )#✶ MAKE MY MESSES MATTER MAKE THIS CHAOS COUNT✶ ( marvel )#✶ ( it broke my brain - but here you go ) ✶
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You Rock My World (Tom Hardy x Reader) - Pt 1
Requests: @jenavecia : Yay!! Would you be willing to write about Tom and a insanely talented and famous rock star? Would love for her to be a bit temperamental with those around her and for him to know how to handle her. Smut and fluff are highly favored 😊 , @thisisjeany: Smut with Tom Hardy himself please. Nr 106 🖤, Anon : "Lets Ruin The Friendship" with Tom Hardy please , Anon: Could you do one where Tom dates a singer/actress? Like doing press with her or red carpets or even like going to one of her concerts. I think that would be cute 😭 thank you!
Warnings: Cursing
A/N: This is just a taste of what’s about to come! But I really wanted to share it, although it’s not long! Fluff and Smut will come soon! (Already working on it!)
You Rock My World
The meaning of time off had been long forgotten by you. Since your band became worldwide famous and your songs became ubiquitous on the radios everywhere, awakening an almost unparalleled fever, you had been working fairly nonstop hit after hit, album after album, tour after tour. Despite being considered young in comparison to the biggest rockstars in the game, you had already earned every award possible during your career, but you felt like your potential didn’t stop there. You were one of the most magnetic, enigmatic, charismatic artists on stage, that was for sure, but you were also moved by an unmatchable passion for creation, which made you a damn genius composing, writing and producing. When a proposal had been made for composing a movie soundtrack, you didn’t even blink; there was a special place in your award shelf, waiting to be filled with an Oscar and you thought it was the perfect opportunity to go for it.
It had been a long time since you last visited London. Although you had a house and a studio there, you rarely stayed in the same place more than a week, because of work. It was good to be back. You had studied and lived there for several years; even just the lights and the smell of the city brought memories of happy times. Your return hadn’t been planned all along, though; it had been just the result of the annoyance that the dozen unanswered mails and calls to the film director caused. Patience is not inexhaustible, especially when we are talking about temperamental rockstars.
When the director saw an Aston Martin V12 with tinted windows, in accordance with your extravagant taste, he remembered the emails and calls he entirely ignored in the previous weeks and imagined the hell would break lose, as soon as you stepped in the filming sites.
With a rather neutral expression on your face, you got out of the car, walking slowly to the studio. Taking a deep breath, you dumped all your stuff on the table of the common room, before you placed the hands on your hips. At one point you saw an assistant and snapped your fingers a couple times to get her attention.
“I need to see the director.”
“He’s busy right now, but I’ll give him the message, miss.”
“Busy. Right.” – You paused, your brows furrowing, as you scratched the back of your head. – “I’m going to sit right there.” - With a stiff gesture, you pointed to the sofa. – “If he doesn’t see me in five minutes, then the message you’ll give him is that he needs someone new to make the soundtracks, from scratch, because I’ll be taking the ones I’ve finished so far.”
The assistant swallowed hard and nodded, before disappearing in the hall.
With a sigh, you spread yourself across the sofa, taking your leather jacket off and displaying parts of your heavily tattooed body, earning you side looks from some of the people passing by. Your eyes followed every person who shot you a nasty look, glaring fiercely at each one of them.
The director finally joined you; the big cynical smile on his face made you want to break his teeth, even more than you did before.
“(Y/N), what a pleasure!”
“Oh, I bet it is…” – You took your time to get up and come closer. – “Listen, I’m not a sybaritic, reckless , party animal, contrary to popular belief. Stop treating me as if I was a fucking careless junkie or something like that, because I’m not. I had to move heaven and earth, to make time to work on this, so please, respect my time, my work and all the years of preparation I had on the Royal Academy; I’m not fucking around. The prejudice against people of my musical genre is too deeply rooted in those small minds… I know it’s easier to devalue me because of what I look like and your misconceptions of people like me than acknowledging the value of my work and the person I really am, but please, if we’re working together, at least try.”
After endless hours of recording, Tom took a break, using the common room to sit and rest a little bit. He wasn’t sure of what going on, but he loved to witness the director, who had been making his life a hell from the very beginning, being kicked in the ass by you.
“(Y/N), it’s not like that…”
“Don’t try and pull the wool over my eyes. From this moment forth, I’ll be working here. Or in my studio, but in London, so you can’t ignore me anymore.” – You gathered up a massive pile of papers you had put on the table and gave it to him. – “Anyway, here are the sheets I have so far. Just let me know what you think, once you take a look at them”
The look of complete discomfort on his face was priceless; he obviously was no idea how to work with sheets, but he was also too proud to ask for the recordings and you were too annoyed to give them to him without hearing him politely asking. With another cynical smile, he left to his office.
“Fucking arrogant prick.” –Cursing under your breath, you grabbed the rest of your stuff from the table.
“Yeah, he is.” – Tom involuntarily answered, rubbing his face with his palms.
“So, it’s not just me? Thank you!” – You came closer, mockingly shaking his hand.
“I’m Tom, by the way.” – He gave you a warm smile and you could feel your own lips slightly quirking upwards in response.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” – Rolling your eyes, you chuckled. – “I know who you are, ok? But in case it’s not mutual, I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you. I’ve got work to do and I suppose you do too, so we don’t have time for further introductions right now, but you can always Google me, if you’re interested.” – You shrugged, giving him a teasing wink.
His mouth was slightly agape and his tongue moved slowly over his lips, dazed by your sassiness and beauty. Suddenly he got dizzy and tried to steady himself by grabbing the arm of the couch, taking a deep breath and looking at it as if it was a mile away; he was white as sheet and his trembling hands tried to clean the small beads of sweat that trickled down his temple.
“Are you ok?” – Squatting in front of him, you looked up into his face and he just nodded weakly in response. You rose and got him a glass of water with some sugar, then squatted in front of him again. – “Take this, drink slowly.”
Unable to say a word, he just looked at you with his big glistening eyes. He didn’t really want to show weakness, but he was unable to control his body at that moment; his shaking hands took the glass and he drank slowly.
“Maybe it’s your body saying you need some rest, it happens to me whenever I work too much.” – You sat before him, on the floor, rubbing his knee reassuringly and giving him a faint smile.
After he finished the water, you put the glass aside and took his hands, rubbing tiny circles with your thumb.
“Now… Exhale deeply.” – You exhaled completely, making a big whoosh sound with your mouth.
He shook his head with a few soft chuckles escaping his throat.
“I’m fucking serious; it will make you feel better!” – You never giggled, but this time you giggled to yourself, at the silly, sweet sound of his chuckles.
“Ok, ok, boss!” – Following your instructions, he exhaled loudly.
“Inhale through your nose, slowly, while counting until four.” – Rubbing his hands, you observed him tenderly. – “Great, now, hold your breath, counting until seven and then exhale as you count until eight.”
“This does feel good, actually.” – Hoping it would get rid of the strangling stress, he kept breathing slowly, in and out.
“Are you feeling better now?” – Tilting your head, you gazed into his face and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes.
“Yes.” – Before he opened his eyes, he took another long deep breath, squeezing your hands on his. – “Thank you.” – He nodded and blinked slowly.
“Do you want me to take you home?” – You got up, still holding hands with him.
“No, I don’t want to bother you any longer.” – He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb on your knuckles, giving you a broad smile. – “I’ll get a ride from one of these guys, if I don’t feel well enough to drive.”
“Is it because I like speeding? I promise I’ll behave myself, Mr. Hardy!” – You tried to keep a solemn face, but you couldn’t suppress the laughter for much longer.
“Actually, I like speeding too. I’m a little crazy, underneath this.” – He pulled a face and made a hush sign, with his finger over his delectable lips. – “I just don’t want to delay you.”
“Suit yourself.” - You raised your arms in the air in defeat and then gave him a business card, with a number written on the behind – “If you need anything…”
“What a subtle way to give me your phone number.” – He smirked.
“Subtle? I don’t even know what that means, Tom. I think it was quite straightforward.” – Smirking back, you shrugged and turned on your heel, allowing your hair to flow freely as you left the room.
Tag List: @carmen-kray , @titty-teetee , @iv-nyc , @but--dear-this-is-not-wonderland , @eap1935 , @ellar21 , @tiredoffeelinglost , @original-krays , @marvelgirl7 , @captstefanbrandt , @evilispretty-dead , @mollybegger-blog , @bignastyfan-nz , @scarrasco1325 , @miidailyinspiration , @haroldpain , @marvelslut16 , @willowick13 , @outofbluecomesgreen , @elemephstudies , @my-little-lucky-scissors , @overitall2018 , @innerpaperexpertcloud , @matoki-darkpanda , @jay-bel , @tarjanisfrye , @tomfuckinhardy , @baliadelcuore , @sadgirrrl666
#tom hardy#tom hardy imagine#tom hardy fandom#tom hardy fanfic#tom hardy fans#tom hardy fanfiction#tom hardy x reader#tom hardy x oc#tom hardy x ofc
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Tag Game: About the Author
I was tagged by @trickster-writes you should give her a look-see if you haven’t already. Thanks =)
Rules of the Game: Answer these questions and tag blogs you’d like to know better.
Nickname: thejay101 was the name I used while gaming online, what little of that I did. Now, on Social Media, I use JayWrites101 as a brand name to unify my different accounts (even though the only two I’m active on is Twitter and Tumblr) Fun Fact: Jay. is my nome de plume or pen-name. There’s a lot of meaning packed into those four characters lol.
Zodiac: Uhhh, Capricorn, I think. I don’t put stock into zodiac signs so I keep forgetting, but I like reading posts about _____ as the signs, so I keep re-looking up what I am. XD
Height: Don’t know. I don’t measure. I’m taller than you’d think but shorter than a lot of people.
Time: rn it’s 11:11 A.M. I think I’m on U.S. Central timezone.
Favorite Band/Artist: Favorite?
Song Stuck In My Head: The Cups song, -- I can’t remember it’s proper name -- but I’m weird so I’ve also got bits of Five Rings, New Divide, Halzy’s Without Me, and the main refrain of Spectacular Spider-man interrupting at “fun” intervals. (Spec-tacularr, Spec-tacularr, Spider-man! Spec-tacularrrrr (repeats))
Last Movie I Saw: Captain Marvel. And before that Shazam. (I watched S first so I wouldn’t be quite as biased towards one or the other.) The JayReviews should be finished on Friday.
Last Thing I Googled: The correct spelling for the word “necessarily.” In my defense, that was four days ago. And I double check words a lot out of paranoia more so than proper misspellings. (I have Grammarly for that.)
Other Blogs: None, but again, I’m on all Social Media platforms except Kick. But again, again... I’m only active on this one and Twitter.
Do I Get Asks: Every once and a while. I love asks, especially about my writings, life, philosophy, or my furry little editors. =D
Why This Username: Well, I started gaming under thejay101 ‘cause Ima school ya’ ;D I’ve always been really good at games, and I’ve always been a bit (read lot) of a braggart. But with the march of the internet, that name got more and more taken by people who were not me. XD
So I came up with JayWrites101: A Writer on Social Media. It was unique, interesting, slightly more humble and -- most importantly -- not already taken. So I spasmed my fingers across my keyboard as fast as I could to go through each of the Social Media accounts and stake my claim at the accounts before anyone else could. I even made a website under JayWrites101 so no one else can.
This way, It’s a brand name. I’m still trying to grow it. To figure out what I am and what I do, but I’m getting there slowly. =) Right now it’s just my author’s platform, but I’d like to think that someday if I get big enough and have people who share my dreams with me, it’ll grow and become a pillar of the internet.
Following: Only 667. And... Fun... Fact.... <.< I’ve only got 274 followers, but in your defense you guys and gals and everything in between are Awesome! I love ya all and I like how much interaction we have ^.^
Thank you.
Average Amount of Sleep: 8-10 hours! I’m a long sleeper. If I get any less than that I end up groggy, slow, and it’s all I can do to go about my day on autopilot.
Fun Fact: Once while I was working at DG, I was so overworked and go so little sleep that I spent a whole workday running on autopilot and when I got home I couldn’t remember anything I did that day at work.
Bonus Fact: The day after that was my day off and I spent the entire 24hours asleep!
And my manager still wonders why I quit! <.< Whackadoodle.
Lucky Number: Ten. Let’s see if you can guess why lol XD
What am I wearing: Well, normally it’s a t-shirt and blue jeans, but today I’m being wild so it’s a t-shirt and sweatpants!
Dream Job: Making money as a playboy billionaire who made a tech company when he was six and is still making enough from interest alone to justify him never needing a job as long as he lives, but he continues to go to the office and sign paperwork so he can make even more money, buy a few yachts, tour the globe eight times over in style, and still have enough money to fund a few local social programs like “here, I’m not a dick.”
Just kidding, my dream job is doing everything I’m already doing, just getting paid for it.
Dream Trip: I’d really like to tour Europe, just once. Go to London, travel to France, see Rome, and Athens, go to Barcelona. You grow up hearing about these places and seeing them romanticized through film, but... I want to see them for myself. It’s kinda like wanting to go to Disneyland to see the unpaid actors and find the cracked, seams in the facade. I want to see the reality behind the dream.
And I want to go with friends or family. Or maybe both. I know I don’t want to go alone.
Favorite Food: Chicken Fajitas with either Fried Rice or Nachos and just simply drowning in queso cheese. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s heaven in a plate.
Instruments I Play: Um... I can read sheet music, and I can sing. Roughly that means I can sorta play all instruments badly, but none of them well.
Fun Fact: I took piano lessons as a kid, but stopped.
Bonus Fact: I still compose little tunes to go with my poetry.
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Aesthetic: Combat boots and a long brown overcoat, a wisard’s staff in one hand, and a short sword in the other, a broadsword across my back and a mischevious grin on my face.
I don’t know if this is an aesthetic like your looking for, but it’s how I see myself.
Languages I speak: I badly speak English, I can read and write in Spanish, and sorta hold a conversation. (Hearing words pronounced is a challenge) I can bluff my way through Japanese (A few very important words) and various bits and tidbits across all the Latin languages that come from studying etymology.
Most Iconic Song: If it’s theme songs you’re looking for that would be Centuries, by Fallout Boy. But if we’re talking about songs that are iconically me to me, that would be Fairly Local, by Twenty-one pilots.
Random Fact: There’s no such thing as fire or lighting.
What we see as fire is actually a low-level plasma that’s formed from the air superheating into the fourth state of matter due to an exothermic reaction. (A chemical reaction that releases heat energy and carbon stored within the wood.)
And what we call lightning is the same phenomenon caused at a much higher intensity as invisible electricity moves through the air. The sheer friction of electricity passing electrons through the air causes the air molecules to superheat and change states into plasma. Basically, electricity is burning the air as it moves from one point to the other.
Tagging: @currentlynotreading, I have to know what your answers are lol. @bexminx @blueinkblot @pens-swords-stuff @kiramartinauthor @odd-dog @ciestess @ednaraged @thatoneaceinthecorner @siarven @prettydoddleoddle and @soul-write
I think you’re supposed to tag twenty, but you’re all my most active followers. =)
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New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/the-latest-study-suggests-london-infection-rates-down-national-world-news/
The Latest: Study suggests London infection rates down | National/World News
LONDON — A major study suggests coronavirus infection rates in London have plunged by 80% in the past month as lockdown measures curb the spread of the virus.
Imperial College London researchers tested 85,000 people across England between Feb 4 and Feb 13 as part of the monthly study. It found that about 1 in 200 people were infected, a fall of two thirds from the month before.
The decline varied across the country and was steepest in London, where a new and more contagious strain of the virus was identified late last year. In January an estimated 1 in 30 people in London had the virus. That has now fallen to about 1 in 185.
Health Secretary Matt Hancock said the decline in cases was “encouraging … but we must not drop our guard.”
Britain has experienced Europe’s worst coronavirus outbreak, with more than 118,000 deaths, and is in lockdown as a mass vaccination program pushes ahead at the continent’s fastest rate. So far some 16 million people have had a first dose, about a quarter of the population.
———
THE VIRUS OUTBREAK:
— U.S. life expectancy drops by a year in pandemic, the most since World War II
— Crippling winter weather in U.S. hampers vaccine deliveries, distribution
— New York’s governor faces mounting pressure over COVID deaths at nursing homes
— One Good Thing: When coronavirus lockdowns shut down classes in a youth prison, a Greek math teacher created a DIY TV channel that broadcasts lessons 24 hours a day
— Follow all of AP’s pandemic coverage at https://apnews.com/hub/coronavirus-pandemic, https://apnews.com/hub/coronavirus-vaccine and https://apnews.com/UnderstandingtheOutbreak
———
HERE’S WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING:
ROME — The Vatican is taking Pope Francis’ pro-vaccine stance very seriously: Any Vatican employee who refuses to get a coronavirus shot without valid medical reason risks being fired.
A Feb. 8 decree signed by the governor of the Vatican City State sparked heated debate Thursday, since its provisions go well beyond the generally voluntary nature of COVID-19 vaccinations in Italy and much of the rest of the world.
The decree cited the need to protect Vatican employees in the workplace, as well as guidelines issued by Francis’ own COVID-19 commission of advisers who said there was a moral responsibility to vaccinate yourself “given that refusing a vaccine can constitute a risk for others.”
The decree says that Vatican employees who opt out without a proven medical need risk sanctions up to and including “the interruption of the relationship of employment.” The Vatican is an absolute monarchy in the heart of Rome that operates independently of Italian law and Italian labor protections.
The Vatican, which has around 5,000 employees, is on its way to becoming perhaps the first country to complete its adult vaccination campaign, after the Holy See’s health service began inoculating staff and their families in early January with Pfizer shots. Francis himself has received his second dose.
———
WASHINGTON — The number of Americans applying for unemployment aid rose last week to 861,000, evidence that layoffs remain painfully high despite a steady drop in the number of confirmed viral infections.
Applications from laid-off workers rose 13,000 from the previous week, which was revised sharply higher, the Labor Department said Thursday. Before the virus erupted in the United States last March, weekly applications for unemployment benefits had never topped 700,000, even during the Great Recession of 2008-2009.
The job market has stalled, with employers having added a mere 49,000 jobs in January after cutting workers in December. Nearly 10 million jobs remain lost to the pandemic. Though the unemployment rate fell last month from 6.7%, to 6.3%, it did so in part because some people stopped looking for jobs. People who aren’t actively seeking work aren’t counted as unemployed.
———
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — The Albuquerque Public Schools Board of Education has rejected a proposal aimed at partially returning students to the classroom during the coronavirus pandemic as part of a hybrid learning model.
The board voted 4-3 against hybrid learning, keeping the district virtual through the end of the year with limited in-person groups. The board also approved a measure to allow some groups in-person instruction, including students at risk of failing or seniors who need additional help.
The proposed hybrid plan would’ve brought back kindergarten through second grade on March 1, followed by all elementary students.
Middle school and high school students would’ve been allowed to return once Bernalillo County’s coronavirus numbers improved.
The vote on Wednesday also means student-athletes will not be able to participate in fall sports, including football, soccer, volleyball and cross-country. Fall sports were delayed because of the pandemic.
———
BOSTON — Massachusetts’ coronavirus vaccine appointment portal crashed Thursday morning as more than one million additional state residents became eligible to schedule a shot.
Many residents who went to vaxfinder.mass.gov received the message “This application crashed” with a drawing of an octopus, and were urged to try again later. The site appeared to be working again by about 10 a.m.
Gov. Charlie Baker said Wednesday that more than 70,000 appointments would be made available at 8 a.m. Thursday, including for those age 65 and older, for people with two or more certain medical conditions, and for residents and staff of low income and affordable senior housing. But it came with a warning that it could take up to a month to book an appointment.
“Due to extremely high traffic and volume, the VaxFinder tool and vaccine location websites are experiencing delays and other technical difficulties,” the state’s COVID-19 Command Center said in a statement. “We are working as quickly as possible to resolve these issues.”:
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GENEVA — The head of WHO’s international team to China said the idea that coronavirus might have been imported to China via frozen food that ultimately sparked the pandemic is “not something that we are looking at.”
After the conclusion of the WHO-led team’s mission in Wuhan earlier this month, WHO’s Peter Ben Embarek said the team had identified frozen animal products in the market where dozens of early coronavirus cases were identified last January, saying there was “potential to continue to follow this lead.”
But at a Thursday press briefing, Ben Embarek said that because there were no large coronavirus outbreaks at any food factories worldwide before the virus was detected in Wuhan, “the hypothesis or idea of importing the virus to China through that route is not something we are looking at.”
WHO has previously said the chances of spreading COVID-19 via surfaces including frozen food packaging is extremely unlikely; the respiratory virus is spread mostly through droplets and through the air. But China has repeatedly pushed theories, without providing evidence, that outbreaks of COVID-19 were triggered by contaminated frozen seafood.
Ben Embarek described that as “a very, very rare event” and said even China’s extensive search for contaminated food products have only found a few instances of products carrying virus. Other scientists say it’s unclear whether those traces of virus might be enough to actually infect anyone and that it’s more likely people spread the disease rather than the packaging.
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SEATTLE — The governor of Washington state says residents living in Point Roberts will not be required to take a COVID-19 test before traveling through Canada for any essential services.
Travel between Washington state and Point Roberts, the waterfront U.S. enclave connected to British Columbia, requires a 25-mile trip through Canada.
The Seattle Times reported that Democratic Gov. Jay Inslee announced his office was informed on Wednesday by the Consulate General of Canada of the decision. It will allow about 1,300 residents to forgo having to get a test on either side of the U.S.-Canada border.
The announcement came after Canada implemented a policy on Monday requiring a recent negative COVID-19 test for visitors arriving by land.
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GENEVA — The Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago called on the World Health Organization to convene an “international convention of the world’s people’s representatives” to commit to the fair sharing of coronavirus vaccines.
At a press briefing on Thursday, Prime Minister Keith Rowley said small states in the Caribbean and elsewhere have made “huge sacrifices in an endeavour to protect our populations from the worst ravages of the virus” and said global leaders should agree to make vaccines available to people everywhere, “not just the privileged, well-heeled few.”
To date, 75% of COVID-19 vaccines have been administered in just 10 countries and nearly 130 countries haven’t received a single dose.
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HONOLULU — A Hawaii Senate bill would require the state Department of Education to publish the number of new coronavirus cases detected at each public school.
Current regulations require the education department to list weekly COVID-19 case totals by areas.
KITV reports that the bill also would require the department to post exact dates of positive COVID-19 tests and the most recent dates of attendance by those who were infected.
Democratic Sen. Michelle Kidani says parents have a right to know which schools have been impacted.
Department of Education Deputy Superintendent Phyllis Unebasami says the bill could result in student and parent alienation.
If passed into law, the updated reporting requirement would go into effect July 1.
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BERLIN — Germany’s top security official says that about a fifth of the people checked at the Czech and Austrian borders since strict controls were introduced on Sunday have been turned back.
Germany implemented checks on its borders with the Czech Republic and Austria’s Tyrol province in a bid to reduce the spread of more contagious coronavirus variants that have taken hold there.
It is restricting entry to German citizens and residents, truck drivers, transport and health service workers and a few others including cross-border commuters working in “systemically relevant sectors.” All have to show a negative coronavirus test.
Interior Minister Horst Seehofer said during a visit to the Czech border Thursday that 50,000 checks have been conducted so far and 10,000 of them resulted in people being turned back.
He indicated that Germany is likely to extend border restrictions beyond the initial 10-day period, but said it’s too early to say for sure.
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CONCORD, N.H. — Dartmouth College has begun planning for a “normal fall term,” as long as COVID-19 cases remain low and much of the community gets vaccinated by the end of the summer.
Provost Joseph Helbe says there are a lot of caveats, and it may turn out that not all students will be able to be on campus in the fall. For now, about half of the undergraduates are on campus.
The college has gone five days with no new COVID-19 cases among students and eight days for employees. But Helbe says the risks posed by new virus mutations require caution.
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PARIS — French President Emmanuel Macron on Thursday unveiled a plan to better arm public facilities and private companies against cybercriminals following ransomware attacks at two hospitals this month and an upsurge of similar cyber assaults in France.
The attacks at the hospitals in Dax and Villefranche-sur-Saone prompted the transfer of some patients to other facilities as the French health care system is under pressure from the coronavirus pandemic.
Macron discussed the attacks with officials and workers from both hospitals, saying the incident “shows how the threat is very serious, sometimes vital.”
Macron referred to a massive hack of U.S. federal agencies last year and to the stealing of vaccine documents from the European Medicine Agency in November.
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NAIROBI, Kenya — The Africa Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says the first 1 million doses of the AstraZeneca vaccine for COVID-19 are expected to arrive next week for distribution in some 20 countries on the continent.
The doses are the first of some 7 million coming from the Serum Institute in India.
Africa CDC Director John Nkengasong and colleagues did not immediately say which countries on the 54-nation continent will receive the first shipment, but Nkengasong said Thursday that health workers will get the shots.
“We are very excited,” he said.
Africa is waiting for vaccines from the global COVAX initiative, which has said it would supply 25% of those needed for the continent’s 1.3 billion people. As deliveries fall behind schedule, African nations are scrambling to secure vaccines from various sources.
Speed is key, as eight African nations have confirmed cases of the coronavirus variant first identified in Britain and at least 10 have cases of the variant first identified in South Africa. The African continent is on the brink of recording 100,000 confirmed deaths from COVID-19.
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LONDON — The British government is backing four new studies to investigate why some people continue to have symptoms months after becoming sick with COVID-19.
The Department of Health on Thursday announced 18.5 million pounds ($26 million) in funding for research into the causes, symptoms and effects of the phenomenon known as “long COVID.”
While most people recover from the coronavirus in a few weeks, about one in 10 still have symptoms 12 weeks later. Researchers around the world are trying to understand the causes and dozens of symptoms that include breathlessness, headaches, fatigue and “brain fog.”
Britain’s All-Party Parliamentary Group on Coronavirus says the research is welcome but is not enough. The lawmakers are calling for long COVID-19 to be classed as an occupational disease of front-line workers so patients can receive compensation if they can’t work because of the illness.
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HONG KONG — Hong Kong has approved the Chinese-developed Sinovac Biotech COVID-19 vaccine as health authorities in the semi-autonomous Chinese city prepare to begin large scale inoculations.
Hong Kong’s Secretary for Food and Health said “the benefits of authorizing the use of the COVID-19 vaccine by Sinovac for protecting against COVID-19 outweigh the risks,” in a news release Thursday.
The first batch around 1 million doses of the Sinovac vaccine will be delivered to Hong Kong “shortly,” with vaccinations across the territory of almost 7.5 million people to begin “as soon as possible.”
Even after vaccinations begin, the company will need to maintain a risk management program and provide the latest clinical data laboratory analysis certificates for each batch of vaccines, the statement said.
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THE HAGUE — Dutch lawmakers are holding a debate Thursday on hastily drawn up legislation underpinning the country’s coronavirus curfew after a judge ordered the measure scrapped earlier this week.
The lower house of parliament is expected to support the legislation, which would then go to the senate on Friday — the same day that government lawyers go to court to appeal the order banning the 9 p.m.-to-4:30 a.m. curfew.
The curfew, which sparked rioting last month but is very broadly supported and followed, remains in force pending the outcome of that appeal.
A judge in The Hague banned the curfew, saying the law the government used when it introduced the measure last month can only be used in pressing emergencies such as a massive dike breach.
The government argues that the curfew became an urgent necessity because of the swift rise of new, more transmissible variants of the virus.
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COLOMBO, Sri Lanka — Sri Lanka’s Health Ministry has limited the number of guests at weddings and funerals as it seeks to slow the spread of the coronavirus in the capital and it’s suburbs.
The move comes as the health officials are calling for tougher action including imposing lockdowns after the local detection of a new variant that first emerged in the United Kingdom.
In January, Sri Lanka allowed 150 people to attend weddings. But on Thursday, it lowered that to 50 guests. Funerals are limited to 25 people.
Sri Lanka has banned all other public gatherings and imposed restrictions on public transport.
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Seven. Part 2
I am still angry; I am so angry at everything. Pushing the motel door open, it banged on the wall harshly, I am angry at that bitch and she is still here following me, the fucking nerve “TJ, take Seiko and take her into our room” Barry said behind me, turning around facing her. Seiko is still here in front of me “let’s speak like adults, did you cheat on me with Rihanna?” she is being deadass “do you know how crazy you sound right now? Me? Rihanna are you crazy. I ain’t cheat, you are losing your mind. Either way we are over” I pointed between us, I want her gone “Seiko, let me speak to him yeah? Then we can take it from there” Barry stood in front of me “speak to your damn friend, he has lost his mind. I wish he never took me to see that bitch!” Seiko is fucking crazy, this toxic bitch is actually bringing out a shit side to me “just take her yeah, I will come to the room when he has calmed down, when everyone has calmed down” I feel so stressed, I feel her voice is ingrained in my mind and it’s not because I dislike her but because I have been trying to hide away from her mostly, I feel I am at this crossroad where I keep making stupid jokes to make it seem like everything is ok when it’s not, it’s really not. I see pictures and I am like I could have that but she’s just up there, top tier “so shall we finish what we started, you came back and said nothing really happened, all was good and shit. What the fuck? I am trying to comprehend this; see in High School I thought you both dating like I saw it. We all would be hanging out but you two would be stuck together, like twins. Then you would play her off because we would tease you but wow, she actually admitted to loving you or love you now?” turning to Barry “yeah” I breathed out.
Sitting on the bed across from Barry “she loves me, she said she loves me, and she said it twice. I think twice but I didn’t say it to her, I mean I just went there to see what is up. I didn’t expect to go there to see her, to sit in that SUV and feel what I did with her. My intention was not sex, I promise it wasn’t because we never had sex that time, even thought you assume. Robyn at the time, I tried it and she wasn’t ready, she didn’t want it. I was ok with that, but she left, I always thought it was me. But y’all ran with the fact I did when I didn’t so yeah, she said that she was scared at that time, she was a virgin she lied to look cool I guess, but it’s like. When I was looking around the apartment, I stood in the bedroom overlooking central park. I felt her there, I felt her every time near me. She did initiated sex, and I think she knew that I wouldn’t after I told her I thought it was my fault but without even thinking, without even trying Barry, I made love to her. It happened, it just happened, and I couldn’t control it at all, I just felt the connection go deeper then me knowing my school friend. Like I was holding her hands having sex with her, looking into her eyes. Bro, it’s bad. And then she got me angry on the last night, and I was like fuck it. And I fucked her without even caring and I hated that. Because I think I hurt her in a way, not sure but I laughed it off. I don’t know bro. I am in this mess” I laughed; Barry stared in shock “I need a moment” he said.
Barry really meant it when he said he needed a moment, this nigga is thinking hard “so you made love to her without you even realising?” nodding my head “so what is the deal, why are you still here then?” I laughed “it’s not easy Barry, like people think I should jump and go to her because she is Rihanna and she’s got money. Yes she does, but I am a man bro. I haven’t seen it first hand, but I looked at every picture on her Instagram and she lives that life niggas want, man. She is taking pictures with the biggest rapper out there, private jets, driven everywhere, five star apartments. You know? And there is me, borrowing off you to get there and I still owe you eight hundred dollars, I need to be in line with her to be at her level. She is so unreachable to me; my fear is that. My fear is that I can’t reach her, and I want to reach her, but she’s above me no matter what words she tells me, no matter how she says I am not that, she is. She is there but I can’t get to her, I am just stuck” it takes a lot to admit to it, and I have verbally now “you seemed pretty sad since you have come back, TJ even said it must have gone bad, but it has gone bad I guess, you have formed this feeling with her. You can’t explain it, but we know, we both know. But I see it, I get it. Like Rihanna is out of our reach but I don’t think she is out of reach for you bro, I think she loves you like you said so I think maybe you should take it slow. If you want to make some easy money I would say drug deal but then you just ruining your chances. Ok let’s take it out of the equation, let’s say you go to her as you. What would she treat you like?” I paused thinking, sighing out “good, I know Robyn would treat me good. She just wanted me to give, and I couldn’t. I uhm, I just closed off and got angry at myself. I paid for this fancy meal she took me on, we argued again then” Barry chuckled “nigga, get her pregnant. Be a stay at home dad, that is the plan” I laughed shaking my head “but I know you, you feel bad. I can’t believe you roughed her up in bed? Was you that bad?” nodding my head “I think I was; I was angry. The hug was cold, I tried to catch her attention by holding her hand, but things were sore between us, so yeah. I have a lot of shit to think on” rubbing the top of my head “she loves you, and if we being real you do too” putting my head down.
Staring at Mel laughing to myself “eat your damn breakfast bitch!” I spat, Mel put her hand up and got up from the chair “she is suffering bad” Leandra said, watching her run off. She deserves it, I had to drag her ass back to the home, not only that she started drinking when we got back again, I don’t know why she was trying to go all out, maybe something is going on with her “so girls, did you all have a good night? Are you all staying with me here? I have the River Island meeting, bitch is about to design some clothes” I clapped my hands together, I am so excited “of course, we can just discover London while you do that. But I was speaking to Monica, she said that she is so proud of you. Something you always wanted to do, to design clothes” I am actually nervous and excited about this venture “Jay Brown is coming tomorrow so that will be fine, that nigga be making me work! Like nigga please. I need to breathe but yeah, I got that venture and then album, and then tour. It rolls on like that. Make that money” my phone started to vibrate on the table, frowning looking over “uh” why is fuckyopictures trying to facetime me through Instagram, that is odd but will ignore it “who is that huh?” Leandra peaked over to see “nobody” waving her off, the call stopped. I am not giving him any facetime privilege; he lost that one a while ago. Going onto Instagram, tapping on my inbox and ignoring the amount of random shit that is being said, tapping on fuckyopicture, he doesn’t even message me on this anyways.
Badgalriri:
???
Pressing send and placing my phone on the table “very secretive I must add, I really don’t understand why are you being this way” rolling my eyes “its that skinny man she likes, erm. Christ? Chris? Whatever. He is a tall skinny man with a tiny little nose” Jen is such a bitch “shut up, please ignore her” Jen just cackled “oh is it that Christopher, oh ok. You both getting on?” she winked, looking at my phone, he has messaged back.
Fuckyopictures:
Did you enjoy when we met last time? Was the sex good?
Badgalriri:
You got a fucking nerve
Fuckyopictures:
So did you?
Badgalriri:
Why aren’t you just normal!? Seriously, you text me dumb shit like that. This is why I don’t bother, and don’t bother facetiming me either.
I am literally over him, like he’s just full of shit and at that moment my phone started to ring, he has a nerve to call me also “what?” I answered “because I didn’t want to answer your facetime now you calling me? What? You’re going to ask me something stupid now” I snapped, I snapped because I am sick of it, he can’t have a normal conversation with me “I didn’t facetime” he said, I sniggered “you did, you tried to facetime me on Instagram, just because I followed you don’t mean you can use that privilege to contact me on there” the phone line went silent “that isn’t me, the bitch is on my Instagram. You didn’t say anything to her, Barry you better get her before I do” what bitch is he on about, then I realised “oh, your girlfriend huh. Ok, well this is fun. Well have fun with dealing with that. I am eating breakfast, bye” disconnecting the call “girlfriend? Oh my god, what drama have you got yourself into” placing my phone on the table “short story, Chris has a girl that he refuses to get rid of, she doesn’t trust him, has his passwords. We had sex and I guess she knows and is messaging me on there, I am now waiting for a shade room post on me whoring myself” Leandra cackled “fuck me, girl you having sex with regular hood niggas now? I mean ok you knew him before, what happened? You know this is going to blow” I shrugged “I stopped caring, I did care but I stopped. I didn’t text her anything that confirms we did anything so there is that” she can go and cry into a pillow or some shit, I don’t care.
New Year’s Day and I have nothing to do but just rest, me and the girls are re-watching Bridesmaids, but my mind is not really in it, looking down at my phone and it’s like he knew I was going to text him because he has text me first.
Twin:
Sorry about her messaging you, she doesn’t have my passwords anymore. We split….
Robyn:
That is nice to hear, she sounds like a psycho
Twin:
She is…. So when can I see you again?
Robyn:
Idk………. I am here for two weeks now and then Miami. I am unsure when I will be near the vicinity, I have my album to work on and this clothing deal I did. Couple of shows around there too. I will let you know when I need a service
Twin:
Lmao! Uhhh well when you can fit me in your busy schedule I don’t want to service you but I would like to see you but I guess you too busy for me
Robyn:
Busy yes but you can call, hope you had a good New Year anyways. Least you started it being single! You didn’t even like the girl anyways but I full on expect some drama to appear with that.
Twin:
Just remember me when you can make time….. like I did you
I am not even sure what he wants me to do, fly over to him when he has half assed done things. Now possibly got his psychotic ex speaking to the blogs with the notion that Chris and I had sex, it’s not a lie I am busy, but I am not going to put myself out there like I did before. I will probably be able to pop over to see him when I go back to the US but I will mention that closer to the time I guess, let him sweat it out but it will be for sex I can imagine.
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A$AP Rocky Talks New Album, Under Armour Deal, and His Deep Love of Flowers
Our interview with A$AP Rocky was supposed to take place backstage after an A$AP Mob concert in Philly, in a quiet, empty room, but in the moment, Rocky had a better idea. “We need to capture this chaos right here,” he said, gesturing around his dressing room, still packed with Mob members, girls, security guards, other unidentified loiterers, and even (according to A$AP Ferg, anyway) a loose mouse. “Let's embrace the chaos,” Rocky suggested. “Rolling Stones in 1967, feel me?”
He took his spot in the middle of a leather couch, surrounded by his old friends from Harlem—Ferg, Nast, Ant, and Twelvyy—and started methodically breaking down a small mound of weed as he spoke in a post-concert rasp. Every so often, he'd tease me for asking so many questions. But some of them he didn't mind so much: GQ Style had collected them from a few of Rocky's notable friends and admirers, with a promise of bringing back answers.
The chaos Rakim Mayers attracts is a result of his charisma, which is raw and uncut. It is el puro, perhaps the purest of any star in pop culture—Hollywood, music, fashion, whatever. And given that Rocky's mom named him and his elder sister, Erika B. Mayers, after Eric B. & Rakim, it was only natural that a kid who seems to crank up the color saturation whenever he walks into a room would channel his God-given wattage into rap music. From the beginning, though, Rocky also established himself as a style innovator and made fashion an inextricable part of his music. In his breakout video, for “Peso,” he repped hard-edged, gothic-leaning streetwear like Black Scale, as well as more established avant-garde fashion like Rick Owens and Y3, while rapping, Raf Simons, Rick Owens usually what I'm dressed in. That was back in 2011, long before he cemented Simons's unlikely hip-hop-icon status with the song “Raf” this July. It's not a stretch to say Rocky is partially responsible for making European high fashion as much a part of hip-hop and pop culture as streetwear.
In the six years since he first appeared on YouTube, everything he's touched has taken on a sort of magical flyness. He's put out three successful solo albums; recorded hit songs like “L$D,” “Yamborghini High” with the A$AP Mob, and “Fuckin Problems” with Drake, Kendrick Lamar, and 2 Chainz; stole scenes in the surprise-hit indie film Dope, co-starring Shameik Moore; and launched a creative agency, called AWGE. Later this year, he'll appear in Anthony Mandler's Monsterand he'll begin a wide-ranging, long-term collaboration with Under Armour. He's become a rap star, a fashion godhead, a music mogul, an actor, a designer-entrepreneur-influencer—a true creative in universes where everyone calls themselves creatives.
Now, after two years spent racking up all those hyphens, he is ready to return to the first thing that made him: rap music. But things are a little different this time. In January 2015, Rocky's best friend, business partner, and mentor, A$AP Yams, passed away in bed at his Brooklyn apartment from an accidental prescription-drug overdose. Rocky was there the night of Yams's death and was among those who found him. A few months later, in May, Rocky released At.Long.Last.A$AP; on the album cover, Rocky's face bears Yams's signature purplish red birthmark. This new album will be Rocky's fourth, but his first ever made entirely without the guiding presence of Yams.
When we met in London for the GQ Style cover shoot, Rocky was deep in his work zone, trying to finish the record. He was keeping his phone turned off, more or less, so he could try to complete the LP before jumping to Milan for the Gucci runway show and then returning to the States for a long tour with the Mob. He's 29 now—he's seen a lot, and even his friends have questions about where he's been and where he's going next.
GQ Style: The first question comes from Mahershala Ali: “Considering you were named after Rakim, one of the greatest MCs of all time, what legendary MC would you name your child after?”
A$AP Rocky: Wow, that's a good one. Let me think on it.
You're punting on the first question?
Yeah, but only because it's so good.
All right, we'll come back to it. The second question comes from Dior designer Kris Van Assche. You may have heard of him.
Rocky: Dior boys.
A$AP Twelvyy: From Paris!
Kris asks, “What was a typical Friday or Saturday night out for you like when you were a teenager?”
A$AP Ferg: Fighting in clubs.
Rocky: Oh, you want me to tell them the Santos story?
Ferg: You love telling that story.
Rocky: All right, one time in Santos [Party House, a New York City nightclub], it was like 2008. We took the train from Harlem. I had on this Marc Jacobs shirt, these D&G pants—'cause I was wearing D&G back then—and Marc Jacobs sneakers. Ferg, you had on the black Acne pants, with the blue jean jacket, and Nast, you had the blue jean jacket with the seam, with the black Acne pants, and the black Timbs, with the Super glasses on, with the 'fro, 'cause you was on your Jay-Z shit, trying to wolf up. A lot of A$AP members were there that day. I'ma come clean, we was in the club, and A$AP Bari was trying to talk to some dude's girlfriend. Next thing you know, the dude got mad. He looked like some wrestling dude. He was big, with long hair. He's like, “What?!” to everybody. We was like, “Yo, chill,” but he kept going crazy. So [Harlem-based visual artist] Jay West put him in a headlock, I snuffed him, he fell, everybody kicked him, we all dispersed, we ran.
A$AP Nast: Let's talk about the Ferg punches.
Rocky: Don't forget about the Ferg punches! Ferg said, “Don't touch my friend!” Boom, boom, boom! [laughter]
Ferg: I did not say that.
Rocky: That shit was echoing through the man's body! When the dude got up, the first person he spot was me with the pink shirt on, so he just start charging, like a mad raging bull, and he grabbed my head. Now we on the motherfucking dance floor, fighting like females, pulling each other's hair. I'm biting this motherfucker's thumb and pinkie and shit, going crazy, snuffing him. This motherfucker must've been on mollies and liquor. Next thing you know, I just see feet running my way. Ferg came through. Nigga said, “Get off my friend!” Ferg was mad concerned. It was sincere. He was like, “Get off my friend!”
Ferg: I did not say that.
Rocky: So then, we all leave out the club. We outside. Your man, he was a manager of the club, so he come out, bugging out with his security guards. He throw ice at all of us and hops in a cab. We run down on the cab, take him out the cab, and start beating him up while we're screaming “A$AP!” So that's how everybody knew us back then. Next question.
What's your number one priority?
Right now, it's music. Last year was businesses and developing all our new artists. Playboi Carti went platinum. Smooky MarGielaa is on the rise. Twelvyy album came out. A$AP Ferg mixtape came out—he always got number ones and bangers. Nast, Addie, up next. Cozy Tapes Vol. 2 is out right now. Now it's all about me making music again.
What do you say to people who say that you're “more fashion than music”?
I can see why they think that sometimes. I really wanted to take time out to show people I was an entrepreneur. I'm a businessman—you gotta take me serious. I can't help that I look good doing it. But if you just look at my catalog from this year, everything I get on, I body. I'm selective about what I get on. I'm particular. I wasn't really featuring with other artists. But this year, I'm showing niggas stop playing me, stop sleeping on me. I'm the god of this shit.
So when we saw you in London recently, you were on a phone-off lockdown, making an album. What was the vibe—the starting point for the new album?
My new album is really about testing new sounds. People are scared to test new sounds, so they go with what's current 'cause it's the easy thing to do. The top 100 songs sound a certain way. People cater more to that because it's a bigger demographic behind that, or it's a guaranteed demographic behind that. I prefer to experiment and have my crowd grow with me and to reach new crowds. I don't just rap—I actually make music. That's why it takes time. These sonics represent me.
Did you go to London for the sound of London, or was it more just getting away so you could focus?
Both. London has a cool sound. I always record in London. But I needed to get away. London's my second home.
When do you want to put the album out?
ASAP—no pun intended.
This year?
Yes, sir.
Your travel schedule is intense. When you're always on the move, where's your center, or your home? Do you ever wake up in another hotel room and wonder, “Who am I?”
Fuck no. Sometimes I do wake up like, “Where the fuck am I?” But not “Who am I?” I'm the same nigga I was when I went to sleep.
You've had relationships with Dior and Gucci. You seem to have a personal relationship with Raf. How do you characterize those connections?
Sometimes it's business, and sometimes it's friendship. Raf had me flying out to Antwerp so I could smoke my weed and just catch a vibe with him back in 2012 and 2013. I've been looking at him and [Rick Owens's wife and muse] Michèle Lamy for advice. Michèle Lamy is like my fairy godmom.
What do you and Michèle talk about when it's not Paris Fashion Week double-kiss time?
Art. She's the reason I got all these diamonds in my mouth. She had hers since 1985. She puts me on. She tries to make me evolve as an artist. She encourages me to do more things outside of musical arts—more contemporary art. She taught me the difference between masters and Renaissance and contemporary and Pop art. It's been a journey. Raf, we talk about collections, we talk about his favorite scenes—what rave scenes inspired most of his career.
Do you talk with them about, like, feelings and personal stuff? Or is it mostly art and the industry?
Yeah, Michèle Lamy be hooking me up with all type of models—not all type of models, but her friends who she thinks is sweet. She says, “You need to meet her, she's a nice girl…,” and I go meet her. They either crazy or nice.
Here's a question from Raf Simons.
Oh, it's lit.
“Dear Rakim—”
Oh, that's my guy. That's the lord right there, big bro.
“If you could not do what you're doing now, what would you do? What's another life dream of yours?”
If I wasn't doing this, to be real with you, I'd probably be an interior decorator.
Nast: You could be a florist.
Rocky: Yeah, I could. I have such good taste. I love flowers. I think decor value and feng shui is important. If not, I'd be a video director or a film director. But my whole life, I just wanted to be a rapper. That was it.
The Balenciaga sneakers that you wore in our shoot: They're a little controversial, and I would like to know why you like them.
I seen those early, and I like them 'cause they remind me of a Raf Simons sneaker, and on top of that, those shits are fire—
A$AP Ant: Shit is trash—
Rocky: He's hating 'cause he got the fake Rick Owens Balenciaga shits. I don't fuck with them shits. I only fucks with the ones I got. I call 'em the Larry Davids, you feel me?
You've been wearing a lot of yellow recently—shoelaces, hoodies, et cetera. What's the deal?
You ask a lot of questions. I'm just preparing for a final test, that's all.
Okay, well, the next question is from Shameik Moore.
That's my son.
“What advice do you have for getting more creative with your personal style?”
Nast: Wear what suits you and not what's trendy.
Rocky: Yeah, but when we wear stuff that suits us and not what's trendy, it becomes a trend. So that might be confusing for people. I would just say that everybody's different. Everybody got different body shapes and whatnot, so I would say stick to what you know fits you best and what you feel comfortable in, even if it's not in style. Just wear whatever makes you feel cozy.
Nast: That's kind of what I just said.
Your creative group, AWGE: First of all, how do you pronounce it? Second of all, what is it?
Nast: That question we don't speak of.
Rocky: The first rule of AWGE is you never repeat what AWGE stands for. Second rule of AWGE is, whenever in doubt, refer to the first rule. So there you have it.
Is it not “A$AP Worldwide Global Enterprises”?
Nah. You on some bullshit. That's sacred.
What have you learned about leadership since the Mob's rise into the public consciousness?
Fellowship. Brotherhood. I try to manifest leadership into anything I do as an entrepreneur, as a businessman. But when I'm doing music, it's the element with the brothers. We all lead by example and lead each other, so I lead and follow, too, you know?
You just announced a new deal with Under Armour. Why Under Armour? And what can we expect?
People would assume, with me going into a business deal with a sports brand, that it would be all about designing or curating a line—making things more lit. But what I liked about Kevin Plank, the CEO of Under Armour, was that he had a vision. He gives, gives, gives. When you donate or you do charities, it's not about showing people “Look, I'm doing this.” I was in a shelter myself. And I know that when people be donating and shit, you ain't get no fly shit at Christmases and all that. You don't see no money. Pardon my French, but you don't see no money. So I really want to make a difference. So I got with Kevin and Under Armour so we could open up real rec centers with fly shit in them. Not hand-me-down toys and technology—new stuff. And programs for kids to learn to become entrepreneurs, designers, athletes. They can screen-print their own tees and sell 'em from the store, get that commission on it. I think it's smart. Those kids need laptops and phones today—that's their platform. So I want to do something that's really gonna make a difference, as opposed to fronting with the cameras like, “Ah, I'm doing this, doing that.” We gonna show and prove when we go and design uniforms. We're gonna start in New York, the tristate area, 'cause that's where I'm from. And then go to different junior high schools and high schools throughout the country.
But commerce being commerce, you're going to have to sell some stuff to fund those programs. So are you gonna design a line with Under Armour? A$AP Rocky sneakers?
I'm talking about giving away to schools. That's not selling, bro—you don't make any money off of that. What are you talking about? I want to facilitate ways for kids to get better education without calling it education, 'cause that shit sounds boring. I want to make a way for being smart to be cool. There's nothing wrong with being a thinker. Where I'm from, being smart has a negative connotation—that means you sold out, that means you're a geek. I'm just trying to say, “Fuck all that. This is the plan: You are the future, that other shit is the past, so let's make a better way.” And if I feel like designing some shit with Under Armour, I will.
Question from Andr�� 3000.
Oohhh, it's lit.
“What hidden talent do you have that only your parents or close people know?”
Twelvyy: He's good at playing Pokémon and shit. Yo, you see him with like 500 Pokémon cards.
Nast: He's the best at double-Dutching.
A hidden talent—something maybe only your mom knows.
Well, we might have to call my moms, then. [pauses to think] I display mostly all my talents. Right? I'm creative, intricate—angelic at moments. You gonna make me sound real conceited right now talking about myself. Why don't you tell me what it is?
Well, there's a second question from 3000: “What hobby or craft would you like to be doing that is completely outside music or fashion?”
I want to design furniture. Maybe a sofa. Or a bed.
Ferg: You did design one of your beds in the house.
Rocky: I know I did, but I want to sell my joints. That was just me testing.
Switching gears: What does God look like?
Everybody has a different God. I don't know if God is a female, male, or even in human form. I pray to somebody. Religion is deep. Everybody got a different God, but I just respect everybody for their beliefs. It is what it is. I'm more spiritual than anything. Because I find flaws and contradiction in a lot of religions, respectfully, and I just take the good out of all religions and try to practice to be a better person.
You pray every day?
Yes, I pray every day. I pray over cookies. I say my grace, straight up and down.
You've experienced loss in your family. A few times over the years, as far as I know, and then you guys as friends and collaborators and a crew experienced the loss of Yams. Do you feel like you've grieved, or did you just keep working?
Keep working. I'm not gonna lie. Because if we grieve it, it might take everything out of us. [long silence]
How'd you get the scar on your face?
When I was 15, I had a fight with some niggas in the Bronx, on Arthur Avenue. This older guy gun-butted me while we was fighting. He was trying to rob my Pelle Pelle jacket. I still kept it, though. It was bloody. My sister Erika bought me that for Easter. I wasn't about to give my shit up. Fuck outta here. If you've ever seen Jim Jones's “Certified Gangsters” video, he had it on in black. I had it in white with the colorful Easter P's on it.
All right, so we're back to where we started—the question from Mahershala Ali. “Considering you're named after Rakim, one of the greatest MCs of all time, what legendary MC would you name your child after?”
Twelvyy: Yambo?
Ferg: Yami's not a MC, though.
Twelvyy: What you mean?
Rocky: No, he was a singer, bro. He was an R&B singer. As far as rapper…I'd probably name my child Pharrell.
Ferg: I knew he was gonna say that.
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Home - A One-Shot (pt 2 of 2)
WARNING: Sexy Times occur 😊
(Pt. 1 - Hospital)
12 Days Post-Surgery…
“…he’s been here, ya know?”
“Mm-hmm…” Nathan sounded distracted - probably on his Nintendo.
I couldn’t see them - but was only feet away from the door to Nathan’s room. I’d been about to bring him some laundry, but I stopped in my tracks when I heard the tail end of what Lucy was saying. They were both in there, but they couldn’t see me.
“Nate,” she sounded almost like a teacher or a parent trying to get the attention of a daydreaming child.
“Hold on! What? OK…it’s been fine, I guess. He’s helping Mom a lot. And I don’t think she’s sick of him,” he laughed.
I couldn’t see them, but I guessed that Lu was smirking and nodding her head while looking down.
“Sooo, what if he stays?” Lucy’s voice was very soft.
“Huh?”
“What if he…just stays here?”
“What do you mean…like, for good?”
She didn’t voice a reply, but I could just imagine her shrugging and nodding.
Nate made a vague grunt of acknowledgement. “But...he lives in England, right?”
“Well, he’s basically been here for the past few months. Maybe he could stay.”
“You mean like, in our house?”
“I don’t know. Yeah?”
“Hm…maybe. I guess it’s already been a while…”
I started to feel like I really shouldn’t have been listening to their private conversation. But I really wanted to know what they thought about this. Because the thought of Ed staying here on a more permanent basis had definitely crossed my mind, too.
Everything they’d said was accurate. We’d basically been together since he flew in the week before our trip to Mexico. Everything went to shit after that, thanks to me, and instead of going back home like he’d originally planned, he stayed, and we worked through everything. THANK GOD. Then it seemed like a terrible idea for him to go back to London right away. So he didn’t, and kept his room at the hotel.
But then my surgery happened. He checked out of the hotel and stayed with us, caring for me and helping me run the household smoothly. He slept with me in my room. We didn’t mention that arrangement to the kids, but neither did we try to hide it. It just…was.
I quietly backtracked down the hallway to the stairs, and retreated to the kitchen. Nate’s laundry could wait, and so could I, I guess.
The Following Evening
I’d finally had my sutures removed. My first post-op visit was earlier that day, and my doctor gave me the go-ahead to resume light exercise, and said I could start building up from walking to running, again, as well as any other activities, provided I felt comfortable doing them.
Overall, I felt good - I was barely sore at all. The incisions were healing nicely, although they left 3 more scars on my already marked-up belly.
Over the previous week, Ed and I got in the habit of walking after dinner. It was a great way to get some exercise, even when I was limited, and it gave us an opportunity to just be together. Sometimes we talked, but sometimes we were quiet, and that was nice, too. Our walk this particular evening had started out more quiet than talkative, but then I had an idea.
“I kind of...want to run,” I glanced up at him. “What do ya think? Want to run with me?”
“Umm, is that a good idea?”
“Ed, the doctor cleared me for running. You were there.”
“No, I meant that regarding me. I don’t run, really…”
A very unladylike snort burst out of me. “Dude. I’m recovering from surgery. I’m not talking miles, here…” I looked ahead of us and pointed my chin at the end of the block. “How about just to the end of the street?” It was about the length of one city block, which is roughly ⅛ of a mile.
I gave him another grin as I sized him up. I knew he hadn’t really exercised regularly since he stopped touring, but he wasn’t in that bad of shape, really.
His eyes followed the path of mine, sizing up the distance, and then returned, settling on me, twinkling.
“Alright. Let’s do it, then.”
“But it’s not a race. I’m not up for sprinting yet.”
“Trust me - no worries there.”
And with that we jogged together for the first time.
We ended up going further than we planned - a little over a half a mile. It felt good - I’d missed working those muscles. I felt slight internal abdominal pressure from the pounding on the cement at each stride, but only very slightly, and not enough to be alarming.
It was just a short jog, not long enough to really de-stress and let my mind go, but it was still a small physical and mental victory for me.
I wasn’t used to running with anyone. Jason and I tried running together years ago, but we quickly learned that we weren’t very compatible workout partners. I’m all about long, leisurely workouts, and Jay liked it short, intense, and hard.
I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that.
So, in summary, I’d been running solo for years.
We got back home just after 8 pm. I did a quick check on the kids - they were in their respective rooms - Lucy was texting, and Nathan was finishing up his homework. Ed and I headed straight to our room to clean up.
Our room? When did it become our room?
I entered first and made a beeline to the bench at the foot of the bed, kind of collapsing onto it, intending to take my shoes off. But Ed was suddenly right there, too, kneeling in front of me, already taking one of my shoe-clad feet in his hands.
“Let me get these.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine, I can…”
“Nope. I got it.”
And he handily unlaced, loosened, and removed each shoe, and then each sock, as well. I stayed seated on the bench and watched him get up and toss my socks into the laundry hamper and put my shoes away in the closet.
“Thank-you. But I could have done that.”
He came back and sat with me on the bench, and began shucking his own shoes and socks. “I know.” A small, wistful smile played on his lips as he spoke. “But I like doing things for you, Kate. I know you don’t need the help - but I’m here for you, all the same. It’s gonna happen from time-to-time, so you might as well get used to it.”
I leaned into him just as his arm came around me, pulling me in even closer. I closed my eyes, indulging in the impromptu cuddle.
“I guess I can get used to that.”
He kissed the side of my head, probably getting a face-full of my hair in the process. I turned to look at him, and he was staring back at me, so focused.
“You’re not alone any more.”
I studied his face, trying to read those vivid, honest eyes of his, and saw his promise in them, clear as day, and that’s when it hit me. His words, ‘You’re not alone any more.’… He summed it up so succinctly and sincerely with just those five little words. They weren’t just words, or a nice thing to say. They were the truth, a promise, and I believed him.
I found myself ffeeling a little emotional. I pulled him by the neck down to me, softly uttering, “Damn you, Sheeran,” and I pressed my lips to his, trying to convey everything I was feeling through that kiss. It was slow and easy, and pillowy lips pressed together, and tracing tongues, leaving soft pecks and smooth caresses.
He exhaled, quietly humming into our kiss, and we both smiled. He left one last peck on the tip of my nose before pulling back and leaning his forehead against mine.
“You OK?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He was biting his bottom lip, unsuccessfully trying to suppress a giant grin. He actually looked as happy as I felt…and that was really, really happy.
“Good.” He stood and held his hand out to me. I took it and stood, unsure of what he was doing. “Shower?”
I nodded and we walked across to the bathroom, hand-in-hand.
——
A Few Hours Later…
“I’m thinking about maybe going to the shelter this weekend to look at cats.”
It was late, and I was about ready for bed. Nate and Lucy had turned in long ago, since it was a school night. Ed and I were already in our room. We were both tucked up with throws and toss pillows on the two cushy chairs set up in my little reading nook. He was playing Dumb Ways to Die on his iPad, and I was reading from my Kindle. Obviously, my mind had wandered elsewhere, though.
He paused his game and looked up at me blankly.
“What?”
“I was thinking we could all go to the animal shelter tomorrow and maybe pick out a cat…or two…”
“Yeah?” His entire body perked up at that. “That’s awesome! One for each of them, then?”
I stood and without even thinking began straightening up the reading area - folding my throw, and then his, then putting the pillows back where they belong before I answered him. “Umm, actually, I was thinking one could be the kids’ cat, and one could be ours.”
I was feeling a little antsy because I also wanted to suggest something in addition to getting a cat, and it was a pretty big deal.
“You want to get a cat together?”
I finally stopped flitting around, looked at him him and nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I mean…what do you think?”
I got a smirk and raised eyebrows in response. He unfolded himself from his chair, walked into the bathroom, and started putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. I followed him to the doorway. The little shit made me wait while he brushed his teeth, peeking at me through the mirror the entire time. It was pretty clear that he was teasing me, and not trying to put me off or avoid the question.
He finished, wiped his face, and then turned to me, trying to look all innocent.
“Yes?”
“Cat.” I was trying not to laugh, but that wasn’t working out very well. I closed the gap between us and pulled him into me until we were nose-to-nose. “Would you like to get a cat with me?”
He nodded his head, grinned back at me with wide eyes, and answered with an emphatic “Meow!”
We eventually, after a few more meows and giggles and some sweet kisses, were ready for bed. I was feeling so loved-up, so secure. He was nothing short of amazing in my eyes. I loved sharing my home with him, and I didn’t want that to stop now that I was fully recovered from my surgery.
“Teddy?”
He’d just got into bed a few seconds before. He turned toward me, tilted his head, and waited for me to go on.
“Remember when you said I wasn’t alone anymore?”
“You know I wasn’t just saying nice words, right? I meant that - I’m here for you.”
I nodded, and took a nervous, smiling breath before I just came right out and said it. “Then…stay. Here - with me. With us.”
I thought he might tell me it wasn’t a good idea - that his home is in Suffolk…that he’s never in any other place long enough to make it his own…that we should take things slower…that he’s not ready. So, of course I started babbling to try and head that off.
“I know my house isn’t your home. I mean, we don’t even live in the same country. You have a home that you love, and I know that. And you have a job that requires a HELL of a lot of traveling. I understand that. But…I love being with you here. Well, everywhere, really, but here, especially. I love starting and ending each day next to you, in our bed…our room. I love seeing your things mixed in with my things…our things. I don’t even know when I started thinking of all of this as ‘ours’, and not ‘mine’ any more. But I do, now. So, maybe when you don’t have to be on the road, this could be where…it wouldn’t be like you’re visiting. It could be your home. If you want…”
“Baby-”
“-but I don’t mean to put pressure on you, so-”
“-Kate, honey, SHUSH.”
I pulled my lips inside my mouth to stop the jabbering. Nerves!
He held my face in his hands, gently brushing my cheeks with his thumbs. It was calming and it grounded me, which I really needed at the moment.
“First of all…you. You are my home, my safe place. I’m home when you’re with me, wherever that is, OK?”
I nodded. I was all ears.
“So, ah…you’re asking me to move in with you.” He put it as a statement, but the question was in his eyes.
“Yes.”
He bobbed his head in acknowledgement.
“I’ve never lived with a girl before - like a girl I was in a relationship with. I had a girl roommate for several months, once - totally platonic, though, nothing like this.”
He was suddenly grinning, almost shyly. “It’s kind of a big step, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I answered softly.
He took a visible breath. “I’m so in.”
It took a few seconds for my head to catch up with those words. “Really?”
“What you said - beginning and ending each day together? It’s the best fucking thing. Kind of want to do that for the rest of my life…”
Oh...
Of course we couldn’t literally do that, because of the nature of his work, and I’m honestly OK with that. But a home symbolizes a secure foundation, and hearing him say that he wanted that too made my heart feel like it was about to take flight.
He grinned again, and shrugged as if to say well, it’s the truth, innit?
“You…you’re sure?”
“One hundred percent. Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent!”
He was smugly watching me, smirking, his eyes twinkling… Considering I was experiencing about 850 emotions all at once and can’t ever hide any of my feelings, it must have been quite an entertaining show.
There was still one thing that needed to happen before we could proceed with any definite plans, though.
“What about the kids? That’s…will they be OK with it?”
Ha - he’d read my mind. I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “I’ll talk to them in the morning, and…we’ll figure it out from there.”
“OK.”
He reached an arm over to turn off his bedside lamp, and then we made ourselves comfortable under the covers, facing each other. I adjusted myself a little bit so my abdomen wasn’t uncomfortable.
I must have made some sort of face, because he was immediately concerned. “Are you OK? You can lay on your side like that?”
“I’m fine, Teddy.” I stretched my leg out to tangle it with his, and pulled myself in closer to him. He rested his hand on my hip, lazily brushing fingertips from the top of my thigh to my waist.
“Ahh, this has been a pretty fucking awesome day…you’re suture-free and off all restrictions, we ran - I can’t believe you got me to run, and we’re gonna be cat parents together…”
“I know, right?” I snuggled in even closer and gave his butt a little squeeze. “And…?”
His hand slid up under my shirt and cupped my boob, his thumb continuing with the lazy brushing, but now over my suddenly very alert nipple.
“And what?”
I breathed a sigh of pure bliss and pulled him even closer, fastening my lips to his. God, how I love the feel of his soft lips pressed to me.
“You forgot the best part of today,” I murmured in between kisses.
“Mmmm. And what was that?”
“Well, it looks like I’ll be getting a new housemate soon.”
“Ohhhh, yeah. I heard there might be two, actually.”
I felt my lip twitch very slightly at that.
“Yeah, I think I want a couple of gingers. They’re the prettiest. I don’t know, though…I hear they can be very temperamental.”
“Wait. We’re talking about cats, right??”
We’d fallen asleep spooning, but it couldn’t have been for very long, since we were still a perfect spoon set. Ed tends to overheat easily and often ‘unspoons’ us once he thinks I’m asleep - often I am, but not always. I don’t think he knows I’m aware he does this. But I get it, and he’s always very sweet and gentle about it, making sure we’re still somehow touching, even if it’s just his knuckles against my hip. So I don’t see any reason to say anything.
I think I was in that transitional, sort of half-asleep state where your thoughts are a bit untethered and your usual mental filters are unchecked. Something was niggling at me, pulling me away from my jumbled, incongruous thoughts, and bringing me back towards full wakefulness. I became aware again of Ed, still snug up against the back of me, his arms holding me to him. It was his fingers, though. They were very gently tapping - almost strumming - my boob. It wasn’t unpleasant.
I shifted, inadvertently rubbing my butt up against Ed’s crotch, which made me aware that my butt was up against Ed’s crotch.
We’d been pretty damn chaste for the last few weeks. There’d been precious few touches, some kissing, but nothing beyond that, even with him all but moved into my (our!) room. My time-of-month coincided with the first week post-surgery, plus doctor’s orders were pretty specific about “no sex” until sutures were removed.
But there were no more restrictions.
I breathed a small, yet unmistakeable sigh and arched my back, jutting my bottom further into Ed, and that’s when I knew he was fully awake. His breath, at my neck, hitched, and his fingers stilled for a split-second before resuming their work. I rolled my hips, pushing my bum repeatedly over his bulge, and was rewarded with his growing erection pressing into my panty-clad bottom.
I was so stupid turned-on.
His hand began inching down the front of me, from my boob toward my center, but as soon as his fingertips brushed over my belly, and my scars, he paused.
“Baby, please, I want you.” I wiggled my bottom over his crotch again, being as blatant as I could.
He huffed out a small laugh, warm on the back of my neck. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt me, Teddy.”
I covered his hand with mine and held it in place on my belly, letting him get comfortable with touching me there for a few seconds.
“You can touch them.”
After a second or two he flexed his fingers, and then very gently explored the scars - their lines, indentations, jagged ridges. His touch was both gentle and thorough.
He spoke quietly into my ear, his chin whiskers tickling my neck. “Do they hurt?”
I shook my head slowly. “Just…sensitive,” I answered softly. “Inside…the muscles are a little sore, but nothing bad.”
“That’s good.”
“Touch me, now.”
“I am touching you.” He tapped his fingers on my belly and gave my neck a messy kiss.
“You know what I mean.”
“Ha, yeah. You are trouble, Missy. Such trouble…”
I reached back between our bodies and slid my palm over his cock. He still had on his boxer briefs, but feeling his length and how ready he was made me even more bold and more turned-on.
He groaned at my touch, and rocked into my hand.
I want you, Teddy…I want this.” I twisted my grip around him as I said it, and he sucked in a breath.
“Trouble,” he murmured as he slid his fingers inside the waistband of my panties.
He kissed my neck again, this time running his tongue over my skin so that I felt shivers all over. He carefully pulled my underwear down to my knees, and I wriggled them the rest of the way off. He still had one hand over my belly, almost protectively, while the other brushed over the contour of my ass.
I reached back and hooked my hand under the waistband of his underwear, tugging it down as far as I could.
He took it from there, quickly removing them, then pressed himself to me again.
I could feel his cock pressed against my bottom. The way he deliberately rocked his hips…his subtle thrusts…it was clear how ready he was. So fucking hot.
He took himself in hand and rubbed the head of his penis along my bottom a few times. He ran it through my wetness, over my clit, back again through my folds, over and over, beyond the point of just lubricating himself. He was getting caught up in it - we both were.
Finally, he aligned himself at my entrance, settling just inside my folds.
I arched my back and bent my right leg forward a little bit, giving him ample access. “Please…”.
He pushed in, grunting the sexiest moan as he slowly, exquisitely sank into me.
We both stilled for a few seconds, adjusting. I love that point when I feel the small sting when he first fills me, and I get the impression that it’s the same for him. It’s like we both take a few seconds to silently acknowledge how effing awesome it is to be there.
He was up on one elbow. We were still spooning, kind of, his hand back on my tummy, holding me securely, hugging me in. He kissed me just below my earlobe, his breath warm and soft.
“You good?” he murmured.
“Mmmm…” I nodded. “Yeah.”
His lips and his scruff grazed against my jaw as he slowly pulled out - such a delicious tease. Another measured push back in, punctuated with a firm shove of his hips, and he stilled again, buried deep in me.
“Ah, so fucking good.”
He pulled out again, not all the way, and then exhaled sharply while thrusting back into me, repeatedly hitting my front wall, practically murdering me every time, yet making me crave more. I took him in again and again, tightening, feeling every inch of him right where he belongs. His soft, breathy grunts mingled with my own.
As our bodies rocked together, his front to my back, he cupped my cheek. I turned my face into it, taking a couple fingers into my mouth, moaning as I messily sucked and tongued them like I would his dick.
“Fucking hell, Kate…”
I slid my lips off, practically purring, “Now touch me.”
I could feel him stifle a grin against my neck as he lowered his arm and began stroking my clit.
It was a few seconds before my body reacted. When it did, though, it was so intense that I had to work keep control, but oh! It was so worth it to feel those rippling waves pulsing out from my center to my belly and even the tops of my thighs.
“Oh god. Oh, Jesus, yes…fuck, just like that. Please don’t stop…”
I was getting close - I could feel it like a spring coiling, tightening before the release.
He’d been moaning on each breath, softly at first, but the closer we came to finishing, and as our strokes became more frenetic, his sex sounds started to run together and go up in pitch. I could imagine his eyes shut, brow slightly wrinkled in concentration, his mouth slightly open.
Sex sounds. He has sexy sex sounds.
That random thought made me grin as I heard my own sex sounds blending with his.
I clawed at Ed’s ass cheeks, digging in to hold onto something because I was suddenly there - falling and spinning and shattering…and then he was too. His body clenched up and his hips rocketed into mine as he emptied himself.
As our bodies recovered he brought his hand back to my stomach, covering my new incision scars, and hugged me in close to him. I turned so I could see his face. Happy and sated, his peaceful smile mirrored my own. His head was a little bit above mine, so I had to reach up to kiss him.
His eyes were closed as he lazily returned my kiss, humming in satisfaction.
He patted my belly and asked, “Everything OK here?”
I brought my hand to his cheek and brushed a bit of damp curls out of his eyes. “Everything is perfect everywhere. I feel amazing.”
“Yes, you do.” The smirk in his voice was unmistakeable.
I snuggled up into him, tucking my head below his chin. He pulled our blankets over us and we enjoyed the afterglow.
“Thank-you for everything - for staying here these last few weeks - keeping everything running normally when I couldn’t…”
“Well, I’d be a total shit boyfriend if I hadn’t, I reckon.”
I looked up at him. “True…” I trailed off, and then laughed. “And now you’re staying.”
He heard the question in my voice and nodded. “You’re stuck with me, sweet girl.”
“Well, then. Welcome home.”
#becausepurple#becuzpurple#Home#one-shot#pt 2#ed sheeran#ed sheeran fan fic#ed sheeran mature fanfic#ed sheeran smut#ed sheeran love story#Ed & Kate#Ed & Kate love story#sexy sex sounds#I have names for the cats picked out#let me know if you'd like to know them
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Family Dinner; Tom Holland
A/N: request from @swimminginsalvator “Imagine tom falling in love with a girl who doesn’t have a lot of money and has 2 overprotective brothers” i wasn’t sure exactly what you expected but i hope this suffices!
pairing: reader x tom holland
warnings: literally none it’s just cute
words: 1500+
summary: your brothers dont like tom but you like tom and it’s safe to say that tom likes you but why do your brothers words get to you so much?
i’m currently taking requests! request here
It’s not that you were embarrassed to have Tom come to your mom’s house for dinner. He’s met your parents before and your mom couldn’t stop gushing about how perfect he was for you after he left. The only problem was they met at a restaurant, and not in the home you grew up in as a child.
Personally, you loved this house. Yes, it was small, but every time you stepped through the front doors you were immediately flooded with every single memory from your childhood.
As you and Tom got out of the car and began walking towards the front steps you saw the basement window that was boarded up with a few rusty nails. It had been ten years since the time you failed to catch the baseball your older brother threw to you, causing the glass to shatter. Your dad always said he’d get the window replaced but after a decade it was safe to say he no longer cared.
Tom’s hand found its way around your waist, hugging you close to his side as you leaned your head against his shoulder. Just before you could reach for the doorknob, Tom pointed down at the cement below your feet, “Is that your handprint?”
“Oh God,” you laughed, completely forgetting about the day you pressed your palm against the wet cement when your dad redid the broken steps. You thought he would be mad when your five-year-old brain realized that it was permanent, but he loved it. He even wrote your initials and the year underneath. “I was five,” you told Tom.
He knelt down and held his own hand against the one on the ground, covering it up with ease, “I love this so much.”
The screen door opened and Tom stood up hastily, clearing his throat as he came face to face with one of your older brothers, Jay. Your siblings had never met Tom before so you were very worried about what tonight would bring. Jay had a few inches over your boyfriend and he made that evident as he eyed him down from head to two. Tom held out his hand and Jay took it, shaking it with a grip harder than what was called for.
“Hey, I’m Tom,” he introduced himself at the same time your other brother, Kyle, showed up behind Jay. Kyle did the exact same thing, narrowing his eyes at the man you loved, trying to intimidate him. Tom shook his hand as well.
“Jay,” your brother nodded and then pointed towards your other sibling, “This is Kyle.” That was all he said before walking away, not even bothering to hold the door open. You pushed the screen back before it could close on Tom and the two of you walked inside. Right away you wanted to hide your face in shame.
You asked your mom to make sure the house was clean but the two of you had different definitions on what that meant. Baskets of dirty laundry were left in the living room and you knew off the bat that no one bothered to sweep. You guessed the last time this place was swept was when you did it a month ago when your dad dropped the bowl of chips off the side of the couch.
You loved this house, but you didn’t love when other people visited.
You knew that it definitely wasn’t what Tom was used to. He was familiar with five star hotels and the pad he lived in was beyond beautiful, which was why you were saving up money to move in with him. He told you that you didn’t have to worry about paying rent but if you let that slide the guilt would start to get at you. So you remained in the apartment with your two friends, paying rent there while simultaneously putting enough of your cheques away so when the time came to move in with Tom, your bank account wouldn’t suffer.
There was a red stain on the tile floor of the kitchen that came from a few years ago when your mom spilled wine and wasn’t bothered to clean it up until hours later. The liquid went away but the color never did.
Your parents greeted Tom with open arms and quickly jumped into a conversation with him as you went and sat at the kitchen table across from your brothers. They were both occupied with their phones but Kyle put his down when he noticed you sit down.
“He looks like a dweeb,” he said you, earning a laugh from Jay.
You rolled your eyes and kicked his shin under the table, “Be polite. I love him.”
“How’d you meet again?” Jay asked, not bothering to look up from his screen.
“I was interviewing him and Jacob Batalon and it was a really short interview because there were other people scheduled to go after me, but before I left he asked for my number,” you shrugged your shoulders, not having much else to add onto the story.
Before either of them could respond you felt Tom’s arms drape over your shoulders and he rested his chin on the top of your head. You reached up and connected your hands with his, rubbing your thumb softly against his skin, “Because during that five-minute interview I knew I found the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my days with.”
“Do you use that line often lot?” Jay asked with a snort.
You felt Tom’s arms tense up around you as he lifted his head, standing up straighter behind the chair you sat at, “Excuse me?”
“Jay,” you warned, shaking your head. Your brother finally looked up at you and shrugged his shoulders in defense.
“I’m just asking.” he said, acting as though Tom wasn’t standing only a foot away, “Do you really think he hasn’t said that to another girl before? This kid plays Spider-Man for Christ’s Sake.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tom retorted, standing up for himself.
“He means that we highly doubt you’re serious when you say you want to spend the rest of your life with our sister.” Kyle joined in, clearly being on his brother’s side of things, “You’re an egotistical celebrity, why should we believe you when you say that you do? You can travel anywhere, you could be with anyone and if you’re just thinking about stringing her along for fun-”
“Kyle!” You interrupted him, pushing the chair backwards to stand up out of your seat.
“We just don’t want to see you get hurt by this guy,” he responded, gesturing to the man who held onto your arm to keep you from slapping one of your brothers in the face.
“You two are the only ones hurting me right now,” you spat, turning around to walk to your old bedroom. Tom followed quickly behind and shut the door silently after he entered. You were facing your old twin sized bed and ran your fingers through your hair. Tom came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close against him.
“Don’t listen to them.” he whispered in your ear before kissing the side of your head, “I love you. I always will.”
You turned your body around in his grasp to face him, pressing your hands against his chest. Instead of making eye contact with him you played with the silver chain the dangled from his neck, “But what if you find someone else?”
“I won’t.”
“You might.” You were quick to respond, “Face it Tom, we have two different lives. You’re an actor, you travel around the world to film for a living. I haven’t even left London. Look at the house I grew up in. Look at my family. We’re a mess. I can barely afford the flat I share with two other people meanwhile being afraid that you can’t pay your rent on time is something that you’ve never experienced.”
Tom let a laugh slip from his lips as he leaned down to kiss you softly, “If you think money is what is going to separate us you’re insane. I don’t give a shit about that. I love you for who you are as a person. And you’ve warned me about your brothers before, I knew what I was getting myself into when we started dating.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” He said without any sort of hesitation, “I want to be with you and only you. And I don’t care how long it takes for you to move in, as long as one day I get to wake up and see you lying beside me in the bed that we share.”
“You’re such a sap,” you teased but of course you couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m serious!” he exclaimed, “I can’t wait until those days. For now though…” he trailed off and gripped you tighter, lifting you up so you were no longer standing. You laughed as he took a step forward and purposely fell forward until you landed on the bed you used to sleep in as a teenager. He positioned his arms on either side of you to lift himself up above your body, “…this will have to do.”
As he kissed you again you smiled against his lips. In this moment, you too were imagining the future in which you got to wake up to this every single morning. And that future definitely couldn’t come fast enough.
#tom holland#tomholland#dating tom holland#tom holland one shot#reader x tom holland#peter parker#spider-man: homecoming#spider man: homecoming#tom as your boyfriend#spider-man one shot#marvel#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#requests are open#request#family drama
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