Hundred Twenty.

London traffic makes me angry, like this shit is just a waste of time and I hate it, I always like to do stupid shit but I have the police parked right behind me in this traffic so I am just sat here waiting with Rylee on the phone, I mean we aren’t speaking but I am just here, she is talking to someone so I am waiting really “ok sorry, I am back” she said “you know what, I actually hate the way wat you say Tion name, it sounds slutty, as you say” Rylee snorted laughing “shut up!” she spat “I was baffled you use that term, slutty, that sounds weird coming from you and that accent of yours” I miss her, she has been in Italy for two days now “well blame my friends, what can I say but do you seriously think I sound slutty saying his name? Be real, I am more like telling him to do his job” I sniggered “I am joking, but what he do, I thought you like Tion. That day when I called you a dickhead, he was side eyeing me and glaring at me like I was the opp” looking in my rearview mirror, I swear I wish the police weren’t there “well he is protecting his woman!” she spat “oh woman? Oh is it, right now there is a bunch of girls in the car next to me and they are looking, I am going to put the window down just to piss you off” Rylee gasped “I was joking!” she can shout all she wants, putting the volume down “nah, you annoyed me now” putting the window down “alright” I said, the scream they let out “damn, relax. It’s ok, y’all good?” I asked, “traffic is jarring isn’t it” oh they recording now “it’s the best thing, I love you so much and you’re better in person, oh my god!” the girl said “that is funny, thank you. Y’all ain’t from around here?” I questioned “we just came to London for a hen party! We are from Liverpool” letting out an oh “I heard about you Liverpool girls, wild” I grinned “we party the best Cench” nodding my head “I bet, but I appreciate the love, I could hear you chanting my name for a while now. I just didn’t want to have people peeping and that you know, it’s all love” waving them off, putting the window back up “you’re a dick” putting the volume back up “then don’t chat shit then” finally this shit is moving “mhmm I didn’t mean it, you was flirting and I know you was smiling from the way you was talking, I am not happy” switching lanes because I want to get rid of the police really “then we can be not happy together, it’s romantic” I laughed to myself, she is pissed off and I know it.

Rylee has stayed on the phone with but quiet “I am here now you know, so we equal?” she scoffed “well whatever, why did you do that?” she asked “because you literally called Tion your man, I don’t know this guy! I don’t care, he was mean mugging me the last time I peeped, like I don’t care. You could like this guy, how do I fucking know?” she went silent on the phone “fine, ok I did annoy you so you’re at the place then? Is my dad there” seeing him get out of the car with Aziel “he is here, whatever though” I shrugged “Oakley, please. He does adore you a lot and he does feel bad, let him talk to you and make it up to you, do not be stubborn and make him the victim, please. Listen to me in things, this is what I know. Just let him do the running, he knows he fucked up and he did bad just don’t talk down to him please, for me. I know you pissed off with him but please” I sighed out “alright, I am going now. Talk later if you can, don’t work too hard with Tion” I had to mention it “shut up!” she spat “I love you, I miss you so much” grabbing my phone from the handle and getting out of the car “I love you too Lee, you have to see me as soon you land babe” Aziel ran to me “that isn’t for a few days, but I will call you tonight your time, bye” disconnecting the call “I missed you! Where have you been” I always love when he holds my legs, like for him that is a hug “I am home!” he spat “well not my home was it” picking him up “I have missed you, you know that” he nodded his head “papa here” he pointed “I can see, you ready for boxing? Get all that pent up naughtiness out of you” he grinned “hey” I said to Chris “what’s up?” he said back “you got his bag?” I asked “oh yeah, it’s here” I am going to keep it neutral with him.

I chuckled at Aziel, him skipping is the funniest thing but he is trying to do it, the trainer is trying to get him to comply but his legs ain’t doing it “he is funny” Chris said “he is” I added “I can tell he appreciates these moments, the way he looks over to check you’re still there to watch him, that’s love” nodding my head “well this is on my list as the first thing to do with him, I rather stay here in London so I can do this with him, instead of him hitting kids he can learn discipline, it’s nice” Aziel ran over to us “big workout today” he is huffing and puffing, passing his water to him, he pointed “I punch now” I think his favourite part is his little fists punching those bags “you’re Chris Brown” some child came over to us, Aziel looked at him “you’re Cench” he pointed “no my dad, and it’s papa” he put his foot down with that “your dad is him” he pointed “this my dad” ran into me “my dad” reaching over to the kid and dapping him “I peeped you out there, you good” he smiled “thank you” he said “go on, go” taking the water bottle from him “he is too proud of his pops” I sighed out “yeah, I mean it’s whatever, I don’t think it’s hard to be better then my own dad, you know. He ain’t shit really is he” I said “Oakley, I am sorry” he apologised “it’s fine, we can be cordial. It’s just ruined init because them two are still texting, so allow it. We can’t be what we are because your daughter reached out to Juke, and that ain’t something you going to like so I think for Rylee we be cool for that” looking at him, he ain’t liking what he is hearing “he showed me the message and she messaged him first, I just don’t want it. So us, the bond we had we might as well forget” Chris put his head down “ok” he just said, he can’t control his anger and what is even the point in it, we can just be cordial, I know him as much as he knows me, and I know he is big mad now.

Aziel wanted to go for ice cream, but he wanted me there as well, this kid is annoying because I am having to be here with Chris even longer “Oakley” Chris said, looking up from my phone “look, you know I don’t give a fuck about anyone, I do not care for anyone besides my own, but I care about you, I came here not to babysit Aziel, but for you. I look at you as my own and I am sorry, I am sorry I came at you the way I did; I am sorry I wasn’t there for you with your dad. I let you down, I know I did and that hurt you because you needed me, I know Oakley you are let down by me. You needed me even if you didn’t verbally say it and I wasn’t there, I wasn’t there in Guyana with you and then when you came back, you saw me, and I came at you. I regret it, my regret is I came at you, and for that I am sorry. Come on man, I know you. I hung out with you for too long to know you, you needed me, and I wasn’t there. You did what you needed to do for him, look I am fed up. I can’t keep chasing these grown girls anymore, or be beating people up, I am done. I saw red with Juke and yeah, I did knock him over, it was stupid of me, but you and I know I do a lot for these girls, but I can’t do anymore, Imani is the last of it and I am done. Emi, I hope I am dead because I can’t do it anymore. I haven’t even apologised to Herb, I punched him, but I came to you because it’s upsetting me to know you feel that, you lost your dad, and you was falling apart, and I promised I would come but I came to you like that. Oakley I am so sorry bro” I swallowed hard “I have so much care for you, you know that. Tell me, I want to hear it” I know what Rylee wants, I don’t want to make her life difficult either, but I know Chris cares, he is genuine.

I huffed out “look Juke is what he is, but he is my only brother. And it does take two, when you came to me about Rylee, and that all happened I took it yeah but with Juke he isn’t me, I knew where he was, as much as he is what he is, he can be led astray, this is why I got blame when he got stabbed he is stupid. Imani was to blame too but she didn’t get that, she got a little sprinkle of shouting, but you didn’t show that guy that came to the apartment when Rylee was pregnant and shouting, knocked me out, Imani got a holiday, but my brother could have been killed. I get it, you can be angry all you want, you have a right too, but she is of age, and she isn’t a stupid girl as you all make it seem to be, Juke comes to me, he shows me, he said to me he is scared but she is at this point harassing him, putting it on him. I uhm, I ain’t her dad, and you can do as you please, but I know Rylee been through a hell of a lot more with you then any of Ti and Imani put together, I was there, I saw it. You wasn’t even there for him, the hate you held for Rylee was deep, but you was hurt, I took that, but you don’t think that hurts Ti and Rylee, you let Imani off with it, people around got hurt instead. I am upset with you Chris, because at that time I lost my dad and so did Juke, you wanted me to lose my brother, you could have punched him instead really. Then you came at me, fucked up way too, that hurt” Chris is silent, he ain’t mad at all “I did need you, you right, I needed you to tell me fucking relax, but you wasn’t, and it’s happened now, but like maybe time will heal thing but things will change in many ways, and at the end of the day we will have a connection more then ever now, including Juke” I take Chris’ silence as he knows I am right.

Chris nodded his head slowly “I have regrets with Rylee, even when Robyn called me and told me. I did say she was dead to me; I wasn’t there for the birth, I wasn’t there for any of it, you right. I did a lot of things to her; I wanted her so hidden that she didn’t exist. She is scarred from pregnancy because of me, from her pictures to baby shower to her being hidden. It was calculated by me to her mother and fed down, I made everything hell, and yeah Imani is being let off lightly more than the older two, because I don’t know how to punish a girl that doesn’t understand, I don’t Oakley. I am sorry, I am sorry that I am this way. I took it too far, honest truth but we don’t know what to do with her, that is a decision we still thinking of. I am so proud of Rylee and Tianna, both of them girls. But see it from my point of view, my guy you was older then her, I was mad, but I did take it too far. And I treated you like my son, and I still do. I just want us to go back to how we was, I do. I promise to not ever do that to you or Juke, I won’t, if I do see him again. No matter, he is your family” nodding my head “and not being there for you with your dad, I am sorry” I took in a deep breath “wasn’t worth you coming though, you never came did you” I questioned “you say that, but I wasn’t worth the flight, was I? You took care of me through cancer, I see you as more, my dad wasn’t there for me, you was when I had cancer, when I needed you for other shit, but you didn’t come for that. Allow it though, just allow it” I got up from the chair “I will be back” I said to Aziel.

Aziel is just so quiet, but I feel bad “I am proud of you, you won the award. I posted you on my page” I turned my phone to him “me!?” he spat “yes, and Dave said he big proud of you too, and he can’t wait to see you soon” he grinned “I am so proud of you with how far you come with that boxing venture, you putting in work too son, I see it” my son is so happy “the family is coming down” he said to me “yeah Lee was saying” I mumbled “Oakley, I do need to make it up to you, I was wrong. And you did expect more of me minus the whole Juke thing, I never did come, and I wasn’t there. You lost your dad, I get it. But hand on my heart, and it sounds soppy, but I love you a lot, you my own” looking at Chris “I get it, but you should be aware that Imani is still in contact with my brother, she messaged him first” I want him to know that “I don’t care about that” he is upset about what I have said really “Aziel, Chris is going to take you home ok. I have to go now, dad has things he needs to do with Slawn and the gang, give me hug” he got up from the chair “I call you please” I chuckled “yes you can call me, you better say goodnight to me alright” hugging him “big proud of you though” pressing a kiss to the top of his head “see you soon ok” he nodded his head, looking at Chris “see you soon” Aziel hasn’t let me go yet “I miss you” I cooed out “so do I but I need to go now, so please” he sighed out “bye dad” he is so cute “won’t be gone for long” walking off, I do have things I have to do, that ain’t a lie with all that.

Sitting next to Walid, he is editing my thing. I am excited for it “look what Ed said though” he clicked on the clip “Central Cee my boy, and Rylee. It was such a pleasure to be in the moment with you and wish you both the best” I cooed out “and Wadz” he clicked on the clip “I am going to try and keep it short from the sandpit to now, bro I am so happy for you. It’s a different thing when you come from where we come from, love was never on the list and was never going to be easy. To see this, I may shed a tear and Rylee, you make my boy happy and you are always welcoming when I see you, so yeah. I love you both a lot, and Aziel. We excited, see mom and pops married yeah” Aziel nodded his head smiling “he like I do not care I am out just out with the boys” he laughed out “this is cute, like to see all the thing, appreciate it. Oh she is calling me” answering Rylee call “are you in bed?” no hi or nothing “I am with my friends why? You feeling a little heated” Walid snorted laughing “oh why would you say that with boys there! Maybe but it doesn’t matter now, you affected my dad, what did you say to him?” Rylee is on heat, why didn’t I go Italy “I said what I had to say, like I am hurt so I had to say it, what he say?” I wonder what he said “that he feels really bad, that his behaviour was too much, you spoke like a grown man to him, he seen a change” rubbing the back of my neck “well I am entering the next stage of my life I have too, but I also did it for you, because I know you want us to get on so I had to say it, but if he is upset about then maybe he has took in what I said” Rylee sighed out “true, why aren’t you home, asshole” she is big mad “because I am not, just use a picture or something, I am sure you have some” which she does “no I wanted you to talk dirty to me with that British accent, ugh. I hate you” she is a trip “you’re so stupid” I laughed out “no you are! You could have spoke some nasty shit to me, I needed it” I can’t stop laughing “stop it” she is making me go red, she is crazy.

Fifty Nine.

I don’t really want Chris to leave, I am going to be honest with myself. Chris has been the man I fell in love with, he’s literally the man I knew when I was in school, but I can see how antsy he is being too. I think he really wants to go but can’t he see us; can’t he see we need him or is he being blind to it because he wants to go back to London, I want him back with me so badly, it feels like to me the divorce never happened, because of course we are in love and no matter what we come first and that won’t ever change but him leaving is really upsetting me and the kids but I have to put on a strong face, I have to just get on with it. Chris is spending time with each child but he’s going that is the point, that won’t change or make us feel any better. I am sad, I feel my home is going to be empty, he will go, then soon Rylee. Only god knows if Tianna wants to follow her then I’m left with three children, I am going to feel lonely and I know it. It’s been so nice to feel him there in bed, for him to hold me, have sex, have a partner “Twin” looking up at Chris “I am taking you out” letting out an oh “am I the last person on the list?” He grinned “not exactly, just that the kids have had their moment, but yeah. About seven? Baldi?” I busted out laughing “my god, yes to Baldi. You know me so well” he does know not to go anywhere else “what can I say, my pain is your happiness” I smiled at him “I didn’t know I was going to get a turn actually, I thought this was about the kids only” he shook his head “Robyn, you have been having a turn with me every night” I gasped “shut up” I pointed, we both just smiled at each other “you are annoying” he smirked “love you too but yeah, I have told Amerie, I am sure you want to discuss a lot of things don’t you” he knows me well “I do, but thank you. I appreciate it, I didn’t think I would be on the list. I think I am most happy seeing you and the boys at the game, like the pictures are my favourite thing Chris. They adore you so much” he nodded his head “I know” he mumbled “well I will get ready then” let me not push it with him, I don’t want to be that with him anymore.

Looking in the mirror seeing Rylee walk in “you know what I was saying Robyn, don’t you think Rylee boobs look bigger” Mel said “auntie!” Rylee spat “they do, you have the same chest as your mother, but they look bigger. You starting on your periods” Rylee placed her hands over her boobs “mom tell her” turning around “she is right, they are actually” she rolled her eyes “where are you going, forehead shimmering” Mel snorted “bitch” I swatted her “dad is taking me out” Rylee pulled a face “let me guess” I shushed her before she said it “boring Baldi” she said it anyways “yes he is” they are such haters “have fun then” she sat on my bed “I was saying to your mom it is a shame he is going but I think it suits your dad, he is so happy. I am able to see what Robyn sees” I nodded my head “and Mel says Chris is a nice guy, I mean this is years later” Mel scoffed “I did not, I said he the guy I first met. The guy that was there when Melody was born, I am to blame too but he was very much an asshole, let’s be real” she did say that, I made some of that up “I know but I don’t want him to go but we are divorced now” I walked off “ouch” Rylee said, looking behind me “auntie” she spat “mhmmm we need to have a little talk” raising an eyebrow “what is this?” waving my hand around “nothing just teasing Rylee” nodding my head “ok, so before your dad leaves us, sadly. We need to have a nice family meal, and you girls are cooking for him” Rylee rolled her eyes “oh brother, ok though” I have done enough for this house, and I am sick of cooking, the girls can do it for me while Chris and I spend more time together.

I can’t help but smile at Chris, I am so happy with him and how far he has come. The fact he has had my family here and his dad poking at him but it didn’t even knock him, he held his own and I am proud of him so much, I adore him “thank you” I said “for?” he questioned “for taking me out, this meal Chris. You didn’t have too because at the end of the day it’s about the kids now, and what has happened between us both meaning the divorce is all extra and you spending time with me, sleeping in the bed, having sex. You don’t need too actually, but you do” I grinned “I love you Robyn, that is why and I wouldn’t be a man if I didn’t spoil the woman that gave me five beautiful children and the person that thinks of me and came to me for Christmas you know, at the end of the day Robyn you will always be the mother of my children and for that alone you should be spoilt, you do a lot you know, you do so much and on top of that I am not there so you are doing more” I put my head down “and I miss that support, at times it is hard because when they call you, like Tianna when she calls you and says mom is doing this, and then they tell you their story and of course you agree with them because you’re not here to verify and I don’t blame you for that but also it’s just annoying because for school, games. The boys need you Chris, which does bring me to what happens now? You’re going and leaving that space in their life until you come back around again, I have never seen Junior train so hard in basketball, he fell out of love with it, he didn’t play it like that, like he does now with you. Erm, me and him we was talking on what daddy did, and I said daddy did this, he did that. He played basketball, showed him pictures. He was so amazed Chris and now you come back, you both just there bonding and training, he is going to not want to know. He wants to please you, even more now that you are giving him that attention. He killed it out there in football and you was there, he was so happy. I am sad for them Chris, they need you close” he must have known I would have bought this up, he must have.

Chris is very quiet “I get it” he said in a whisper “I see it, I am not stupid and I am coming back because Rylee, she said she wants me there when she moves into New York so I will be back but I am being real with you, I like it in London” I did a deep sigh “but when we had kids it stopped being about what we liked Chris, and it makes it harder when they are older. I checked ok, I looked and the things Junior does here in regardsto his football training they don’t have that there, they have some different form of training, we could have the best football star in our family and I am not ruining that because of moving, I checked and I am stuck. Either I move there to you, and have the kids with me and have someone fly in and yeah just train him but England don’t have what America has with football and it won’t work for him. This is something he likes, something he enjoys, he loves. It’s helped him and pulling him out can’t happen” Chris put his head down “how about” I paused “how about we just give it time yeah. I don’t want you to jump, I don’t want you to feel like you have to move to me Robyn, so listen to me. Let me finish off my time with Maxwell, some time and I will think about it” for him to say that “I appreciate that” I said “it’s ok, I love you and my kids. I just need some time but yeah, I get it and I see it. Life it different there but I am always here for you, I will fly out that day for you and the kids, I promise that. I was that back then but right now Robyn I am ok, and I get it. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t say it to me because I see you cringing and nervous about it, don’t be” I am happy he does realise it; I appreciate it.

I am glad we can both laugh and smile, I mean besides the conversation we had we have been laughing “thinking now, I am like damn we really old” Chris laughed “I know, I can’t believe we have one daughter leaving the nest, I am going to miss her so much. I am going to miss her annoying self” I admitted “she is a character, I feel like she put up with a lot with us, with her siblings too. When we had out downs and she had to hold the fort, the household and tell her siblings it’s ok, they do this a lot and it makes me think you know, we was toxic. And I hate that for her, but she always found way to show us love, both of us. And I really wish her the best time, she is going to kill it out there, she is going to run Fenty even bigger then it is now and I am positive to say she is going to do well. She is a bright girl and I am proud of her, I love her a lot” I cooed out “my first born you know, just a thing about that. But then it’s Tianna, which I think she is wanting to go New York but then I assume she may not go there, I hope she does. Both sisters together, then Imani. I will be shedding major tears” Chris is going to be very emotional about that one “we old” he said again laughing “what if erm, you come over for the summer? Before she goes to New York? Then we can go to Paris, what about it?” I like that idea.

Watching Oakley eating, he always looks so angry eating, I never get it with him. He’s always moody and he isn’t actually like that “why are you mad?” he looked away from the TV “I like to concentrate when I eat” so he says “I will be going out for my birthday though, see if you was close by I would have stayed at home though” he paced away from the camera “would you really? You don’t have to exactly tell me, we ain’t anything right” I said “but we are entertaining each other right, the way I see it is if I am not interested in you then I wouldn’t even waste my time speaking to you, damn there is no drinks in the house. That is dumb but yeah, like if I didn’t find some sort of interest then you know, I wouldn’t mention it. How you been anyways?” he leaned down and put his face in the camera “missing you” he laughed “I don’t miss you though, see my hair. Still the same” he’s so cute “I don’t have no argument in coming to London, like I tried. I went out with my dad, just me and him and I said can I spend time with him, just before I go off to New York, he goes no flat out. Didn’t even think of it. I just can’t wait to go to New York, I could literally come London on the weekend” he laughed “weekend? You literally will be jet lagged like a bitch, that is crazy. We can figure something out. Maybe, just maybe. Like, what you think if I came to Cali for your birthday? But then you can’t do shit, this is the thing” I cringed “yeah, you got a point. I will have to think of something” my bedroom door opened “not heard of knocking” I said to Tianna “is that Taina” Oakley spat “auntie too” eyeballing Tianna “I have been looking for you Rylee” looking at my laptop screen “uh, I will call you back. Are you sleeping now?” he nodded his head, I groaned out “I will just send you a text, goodnight” I smiled and then closed the laptop so quick because the way my auntie was moving to see “school friend” I grinned.

Waving Tianna over, Imani is asking Mel something “what is it?” I said in a whisper she said needed to speak on something she saw” I groaned out “shit” I spat “Ti can you just help Imani” I have a nosey fucking family “I am tired” I said to her “so am I, it’s barely hitting eight baby” Mel closed my bedroom door “ok” she saw the hickey on my shoulder “so, you got something to tell?” she asked “like what?” I smiled “I know you not dating Melo girl, mhmmm” I just smiled, I mean what the fuck she want me to say “you about to wild the fuck out in college ain’t you” shaking my head “clever though, shoulder mhmm. Does mom know” shaking my head “quiet now” I shrugged “don’t play with these boys Rylee, remember who you are. Don’t let them mark you like that either, I want to tell your mother. You are still in their house right now” Mel pointed “why is everyone in this home so dense, mom was having the time of her life and shit, every one is constantly on my case. It’s driving me crazy, I can’t wait to just leave!” I spat “we care” she retorted “well maybe I need space, if you want to tell my mom then do it but you will ruin the time she has with my dad so go for it” Mel shook her head “I know my niece, I have wiped your ass, wiped your nose, seen your tears, held you. I have seen it all, your mom may be in the clouds, but she would notice do too. I will be on your neck, you’re right. You walking around with hickeys” she said “I know, I was hiding it. My top slipped, I will learn next time” Mel pointed at me, she is pissed off clearly.

Mel has put me on edge now, my parents have come back, and I haven’t had my door knocked down yet so it’s a good thing. Maybe I should go down, I will do that. Closing my bedroom door behind me “Rylee” my heart sank down to my ass, I just froze “Rylee” looking at my mom “can you tell your dad to bring my bag up when he comes” I sighed out “oh yeah I will” I feel like my beating will be next, Tianna got it bad and I guess it will be next “oh and erm, your dad is going back but we will be following him over there for a holiday” I had to stop myself from smiling “oh ok” is that only thing I could say, she is waiting me closely. Running down the steps, I will be in London, this is what I wanted “mom said bring her bag up” my dad held it up “cool, goodnight. Auntie, can I speak to you” she hasn’t spoken a word, the least I can do is maybe talk and make a little something up a long the way. Every one is asleep in the house, but we went to the movie room “I am sorry, just had a lot going on. Including moving away, I am nervous about that but like, Melo. This is where it came from, we have been trying again” Mel let out an oh “but yeah, I know I shouldn’t let a man or boy mark me. It’s wrong and disrespectful, I am sorry for coming off as rude also, I felt backed in the corner” Mel crossed her arms “you right, I didn’t want to mention anything to your mom because she is happy with your dad here, but Rylee. Be careful, New York boys ain’t any better” I laughed “I know, I am sorry, and I will come to you if I need anything” Mel shook her head “we care you stupid girl” she hugged me.

One Hundred Twelve

My children and these weekend activities, they have me up at six in the morning to get them ready for these things they like to do, I mean I can’t complain because I was complaining when they wasn’t doing anything, but they have made my Saturday busy, usually Chris and I split it but Chris is feeling very low so I am doing it all plus Junior, I can do it. I am fine, I think anyways but it’s hard. All three girls doing separate things, I just feel like splitting myself into three “I think it’s really unfair mom that you are not staying with me” Rylee said, “I get it, I am sorry but Imani’ first day doing something like this, I need to be there for her” Rylee is in a bad mood, she wants me to stay with her for her ballerina lesson, I get it, she wants me there, but I can’t stay “Rylee!” I shouted at her “she banged the door shut” Tianna climbed from the back “I know she did and sit down. Wait in the car” opening the door and climbed out of the car “I don’t want you there” she kicked Frank “Rylee” closing the SUV door behind “don’t you dare kick Frank, apologise right now!” I spat, walking over to her “sorry” she said “you are so unfair, always Imani. Who cares if Imani is kicking a ball! I had to be without last time, it’s my turn. You are so unfair mom” nodding my head slowly “she is youngest Rylee; I am sorry I can’t be with you. Dad is not good right now; he just needs some alone time. I am trying, next week I will come with you” Rylee has such a face on with me “you keep thinking I don’t need you because I am oldest but maybe I don’t want to be oldest, it’s Junior because he is annoying and then Imani because she is stupid. Only time you pay attention is if I be bad” pointing at Frank “say sorry to him” I ain’t forget “properly too” she looked up at Frank “sorry” nodding my head “Rylee, I am sorry. I am sorry. I do, I know it. Because you are eldest I do expect you to be ok with things, and I appreciate you bringing it up to me, I will make time for you” she nodded her head “ok, I guess I will see you when I finished” Rylee walked off, she didn’t hug me “love you baby” I said but she doesn’t want to know me, she is hurt with me.

Imani playing sport, it’s cute to see her. I feel like she talks more then she kicks a ball, and it makes me laugh, she explains things. The girl doesn’t stop talking and she has gotten in trouble about it in class, she is so well spoken, and I love that for her. Waving at her as she waved at me, I want her to try out other things. I know she loves music, that is her go to, but I want her to try other things, she may like it too. Tianna doesn’t half complain like Rylee, she is just so angry at me, I dropped Tianna off at her music class, she is still doing Piano lessons. She gave me a hug, but Rylee is heavy on my mind, I feel like she is entering a new phase in her life, and I am going to get a very moody teenager but if Chris did come with me, I could have gone there and he could be here, but I couldn’t do that to him, he is really going through a lot, he is really upset about his nephew. Still missing, Tootie finally actually answering him. She said she has been looking but now they have told the police, they said it’s been so long and every hour counts and potentially speaking on death, I for one pray it isn’t but where the hell did he go. Tootie said he and his friends went out, his friends are home, and he isn’t. I just feel sick to think about, but I had to give him space, I can’t drag him to things, I just want to be there for him. Looking over at Junior, he is picking grass and hitting into Rich, he is enjoying life, but he is quiet, and I can deal with that. I just need to make time for my eldest two, just maybe mommy and daughter, I am scared for the teenage phase.

I feel like Giorgio Baldi can fix anything, even my love life. I just love this place with my whole heart, I bought the kids here to eat. I mean mostly eat what I love most so they can deal with it “so girls, how was your day?” Rylee shrugged, Tianna giggled “Rylee said she is not speaking to you” letting out an oh “well that is peaceful for me, thank you Rylee” I thanked her “no I am not!” she spat, I laughed “oh you speak then” she side eyed me “I just want you to pay attention to my things, even Ti agrees” see these two, these two are trouble, Rylee the ring leader “you do?” I said to Tianna “she is right mom; you don’t see my lessons either. Imani or Junior. Junior and Imani, we don’t belong” rubbing my forehead “I really think Junior ruined it all” looking at Junior just licking his fingers “look girls, I get it. But Junior is a baby, Imani needed me there, she is baby too” Rylee looked at me shocked “she is not a baby mom, you think she is. You are so not fair; she won’t be a baby forever then what?” I laughed “then I have more” the horror on Ti and Rylee’ face “I am moving to momo house, no” I am laughing at them “it’s a joke, come on girls. I will promise to do something with you both” answering my phone, Chris is calling me “then we can forgive you” Ti added, she needs to stop hanging with Rylee “hi” I answered “Junior!” I shouted at him, the way he threw that pasta and it landed on Tianna “don’t you dare throw it back, just wipe it off. Sorry, hi” these kids “can you come home, after that” I mean what else does he think I am doing “I will, we are just eating. Everything ok?” I asked “just come home” he put the phone down, oh he is not doing good at all “no throwing like that” I said to him, I don’t think he really did it on purpose. He was so confused it left his hands “say sorry!” Tianna said to him “he doesn’t know what that means, he is a baby” Tianna frowned at him “everyone is a baby to you, even dad” I didn’t want to laugh but that was funny, I giggled to myself because she is right “you girls” shaking my head.

Eventful little day with the kids “girls, hey. Listen to me, I’m going to take Junior upstairs, please. Put your things away, if I see them scattered around here. I won’t be happy” Junior fell asleep in the car, also he needed his nap so it’s about time he fell asleep. Walking up the steps “mom, can I have some ice cream?” Tianna asked “yes but wait for me; I will make it for you. I don’t want mess” I don’t know why I bother putting him in the crib because he gets out of it and does stupid things upstairs but then the girls wake him to just to then find him annoying, these girls don’t let their brother live. Opening the bedroom door “Robyn” looking to my bedroom, Chris has his head poked around “are you crying?” I said shocked “come after” nodding my head, let me put him in the crib. Chris has been very emotional, like he’s been showing his feelings instead of lashing out, and this is all I have ever wanted from him, I wanted him to actually show how he really feels, and he is. I wanted that from him, I adore Chris so much and I would never judge him. Placing the covers over Junior, I did a little run out of the bedroom “mom, you coming down?” I put my hand up “I’ll be ten minutes” going to the bedroom; he’s not left the bedroom since “Chris?” I said, seeing him sat at the vanity table chair “Hey, oh my god” closing the door behind me “why are you crying? Chris” getting down onto my knees, wrapping my arms around him “what happened?” I am so concerned, I’m scared actually “it’s ok, Chris you can cry. I’m here now” he is sobbing; I am scared. I don’t know what has happened, I hope it’s not because of his nephew, I am so scared to hear it “oh my baby, my poppa. I’m here baby, I’m here” I hate to hear him like this and in pain, I am so scared to know what has happened, I am praying so hard it isn’t his nephew, but I think it is.

Chris wiped his tears with his hands, I passed him some tissue “are you ok to talk?” getting down onto my knees, he wiped his face with the tissue “is it Desean? What happened Chris?” he swallowed hard “they erm, they” oh this is not good, my heart has dropped “my auntie called me and uhm, they found his body in the Rappahannock River. Someone found his body Robyn” he sobbed out, my eyes welled up “oh my god” I am in shock, this can’t be happening. Not his nephew, wiping my tears “I am so sorry Chris” what else can I say “they said he was there for a while, someone killed him. He was dumped there, that’s what he police are saying. Fuck, this can’t be happening. This can’t be real” Chris got up from the seat “it can’t be real, this is a joke” he shook his head, this is the worst news to hear, this is so sad “fuck, man. He is just a kid” getting up from the floor “I am so fucking hurt man, why my family!” he shouted “I got to go there” walking around the bed “baby yes, I agree. I want to come with you” Chris shook his head “we can go together; I want to support you. Chris, please” following behind Chris “I don’t know what I am even doing anymore, what do I do?” he turned to me “just step back for one moment Chris, just let’s sit down” I said to him, I am this is shocking. I am in shock too.

I just sat with Chris in silence, it’s better than him crying. Looking over at him “what did they say? Did your auntie say anything else?” I asked “that erm, they think it was a hit and run and his body got dumped in there, but that is it. I can’t say anything else; I can’t believe that has even happened, I mean what the fuck. Who would do that, his friends said he was home, well going home. Someone really did that, that is calculated” placing my hand on the back of his neck “just let’s not think that, I am ever so sorry Chris, this is so shocking. I want to be there for you Chris, so I am coming with you. The kids too, we are going to support you. Nothing else matters, it’s going to be a hard time, but I think you should be there” Chris nodded his head “I felt so off, I knew something was wrong. My mother is going to be distraught, man. I just don’t know what to do really, what do I do?” he asked “you be there for your family, I will be there for you” Chris looked at me “thank you” nodding my head, I mean it sucks I have to drag the kids with us but I have nobody to take care of them “or maybe I can get Jen and Tina to take care of them until I am back” I said to myself “I will do that, I will get Tina actually. Just take Junior with me” getting up, I think it’s best I don’t take them all, it won’t be the best place and the girls are very aware of people being not good. I don’t want that for them, I will do that instead.

The girls are going to be a pain, I just know it “Tina, thank you so much. I wouldn’t have asked like this, but after that news” Tina shook her head “no, please go. It’s important” smiling at her “girls, in the living room, come” I said “you didn’t come down and get ice cream” Tianna said, she is right “I know but I need to speak to you all “I am so sorry about your nephew Chris” Tina said behind me, turning my head and Chris has come down with shades on, he is not good “appreciate it” he said, walking into the living room “girls, I have something I need from you all. Me and dad really need to go to VA, something very bad has happened and we need to go now but auntie Tina will be here, please girls. I don’t want to hear it, I know I constantly not there like you want me to be, I am sorry for that but this is so important” I said, they are quiet “you try mom” Rylee said, she is actually understanding “thank you” I said “I heard dad crying” letting out an oh “yeah, once we know what has happened then we can explain but we need to go kids” the girls are understanding, my mother is calling me now “one moment” I said answering the call “hi” I said “hi Robbie, Chris isn’t answering his calls” she said “no, we have something on mom. What is it?” she always rings at the wrong time “his dad is trying to call him” I wonder why “how sad Robbie, who would do that” they know “mom, I am begging you, please do not go to VA you stay in Barbados. I mean it” she is stupid enough to do it ”he is devastated, he needs someone with him?” I groaned out “mom, I don’t even think he is invited to be there, I would recommend to stay away, and you mom. If I see you there I am going to be mad” I feel so harsh “you going?” she said “well yes, technically that is my family mom. Not yours, and to be honest not even his real grandchild, I really think he needs to mourn in peace, there” my mom scoffed “you sound like Chris” she spat “no, I am saving my husband from when he has to see his dad there that spoke shit about his sister when her son was missing, just drop it, I need to go now” I don’t have the time to be going back and forth, if they go there then they do and will cause some nasty issues “since when have you been like this? Am I speaking to Chris?” my mother is shocked “no mom, I am standing by my husband, just mind yours and I will mine. Please I need to go now, love you. Bye” disconnecting the call.

Junior is sat in Chris’ lap on the jet, he is calm for once but then again he is eating “I will appreciate the peace from him” I said “yeah” Chris mumbled “how would you feel if your dad was there?” I asked him, it’s just a question and I am intrigued to know the answer “right now I can’t think but ain’t nobody telling him anything, I don’t know” nodding my head “you don’t need to come you know, like to see my family” shaking my head “you know I am going to be there Chris, I don’t care” I said, I am going to be there for him “I don’t know how she is feeling right now, if I lost my child. I would lose my mind, imagine it. All those years and this, I just can’t digest that he isn’t here I mean. He doesn’t bother anyone? I don’t understand why, I am just so fucking angry, confused. I don’t know what to say” nodding my head “I understand, we will see how it goes” Chris looked outside the window, my poor baby. He has been feeling so off about things, he felt something was wrong and he was right, this is terrible, I feel so sorry for him.

Eighty Eight.

It’s been a weird feeling to be having Robyn’ family in the home but not Robyn, she is being extremely stubborn. To say the least, she picked up Rylee from the home and then didn’t stay either. To say that she wanted her family here she isn’t coming here, and on top of that. The very night she left early she went to the club even though she said she is thinking, how can you think when you’re in the club, it makes no sense. She left Rylee behind and went to the club with Mel, she has been very off now. I think she is angry with me; I feel she is anyways. I think she is angry with me that I told Monica, because Monica did mention that she wasn’t happy at all that she knew and was saying that she will speak to me, but she hasn’t really, besides sending me a picture of Rylee with a wig on, that is it but today is the day, taking Robyn to the Getty museum. I have spent so much money on making it up to Robyn that I will not be doing this again, never again. Shit is expensive as hell, but I am going to push through, and I am going to continue to try and get Robyn to break down but it’s so hard, she is being very hard. I didn’t think Rihanna would be so different to Robyn, I know Monica says she is just her daughter, but Rihanna is very much out there, I have fucked up big time. Even though I exposed Drake for what he is, niggas were clowning me about it and TJ said why didn’t I listen to Robyn when she said, I feel like a dickhead, but I will get my wife back, I will, and I know I will. I think I just need to keep getting at Robyn, see if I didn’t have my leg in this cast I would be at the club harassing her, she knows I would be too.

Majesty is watching TV but goes out of her way to sit on my cast, I don’t know why but she does “you annoying uncle again, since she can walk she be doing the most” Noella sat down, I laughed shaking my head “she reminds me of what my daughter will be like, she keeps touching it. I think she is intrigued by it, you know” Majesty does not care and continued to remain on my cast “big day today for you” I breathed out, rolling my eyes as I did “I don’t know, Robyn is being hard headed. Please tell me it’s not just me?” looking over at Noella “she is” she admitted “I think she is acting out; Robyn went through that when things were going wrong with her father. She was so upset, and she went very within herself, very dark, angry. Auntie said that she spoke to her on why she isn’t coming, she is busy but then Monica said she is angry that her mother told her off about things, that her mother is taking sides, but my cousin needs to relax. I hope you can get that out of her” I knew it, I knew she would be upset about her mother “I hope” I mumbled “I have hurt her a lot Noella, she trusted me so much, she said that Rylee is lucky to have me as a father and I let her down with that, I haven’t been around for her, I know that has hurt her. I think she is seeing me as a bad person, it’s me” I am to blame in this.

If I could, I would be pacing around in this room because I am nervous about today, this cast is annoying my life too because I can’t wear what I want, I have to wear something nice because I know my wife will look bomb as hell “Christopher, are you in there” hearing the light knocks on the door, Monica is knocking on the bedroom door “erm yeah, come in!” I spat, I mean I am just sat on the bed waiting for the moment I see Robyn, I am trying to gather myself right now “sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt but you weren’t coming down, are you ok?” she asked “also have you ate? My daughter is stubborn, but she said can I make sure you are fed” I chuckled “erm yeah I have thank you” smiling at my mother in law being so sweet “I wanted to ask when was the last time this home was cleaned?” that reminds me “erm, like about three months? I never changed the sheets since, I don’t want you to do it for me but yeah, since Robyn left” Monica nodded her head “I can tell, you need to get a cleaner to come but I didn’t come for that reason, I wanted to say my daughter is being hard right now but don’t stop” she said “I am not going too, I made the mistake. This is my fault, if I didn’t see a glimmer of hope I would stop but I know she wants me, she is being hard headed but I know she just wants me to be sorry, I will get her back” I am optimistic with her hard ass “good, I just want some peace. I prayed for you both, but if you need help then let me know” Monica turned away, I need to get a cleaner to come actually.

Mel is shouting me to come out, I am here trying to find something to wear for this thing. I don’t know what it is, Chris hasn’t really said what it is, but it’s something. I am guessing a meal, I am sure it will be a meal or something, but I don’t know what to wear “I am here” lifting my sweatpants up a little as I made my way out “take your time, you have people here for you” I haven’t asked for anyone to come so who the hell is this “who?” I said as I got to the living room “oh hi?” why is Mel and Mylah here “we have been summoned to come” furrowing my eyebrows “by who?” I know it’s not me “your husband” letting out an oh “no way? Did he really? How is this man here just booking my people” staring at Mel, she just shrugged “when there is a way Robyn” she has a point “How?” I asked either of them “well what happened was he messaged me on Instagram, I think he also messaged Mel on there too, he said that Robyn has somewhere to go, and I need you to do her makeup” this saves me from doing it actually “he said it’s a little date, there will be things there. He really didn’t give much away but here we are” my smile grew “I am glad actually; I didn’t know what to wear so this saves me so much time, if you want to come to my bedroom I guess” I am just annoyed actually, more at my mom then anything, she just wants me to make an effort and that I shouldn’t have left the home, it is wrong, so I haven’t been home. She said the home is a mess, that isn’t my problem because I am not there either.

Mel got me in a little cute Dior denim dress, I mean I haven no idea if it will fit the event but to me this looks nice as hell. Imagine if he is matching again, I am going to fall out laughing because he does this a lot “am I date ready?” I twirled in the living room “you are, you look hard faced though. Good luck to him” I gasped “don’t be rude, do I?” Mylah nodded her head “you seem like you are in deep thought most of the time, like you want to smile and be happy and speak to people but your mind is elsewhere, your mind is whatever is upsetting you right now. So it’s making you look hard faced” she has a point “I have a lot on my mind that is all, I don’t know what it will bring today. I don’t know what will be said, I don’t know what will happen so I am just having a hard time concentrating you see, but Rylee” I pointed at Mel “are you ok with her, or shall I say to my mom you will drop her off with her?” Mel might have other things going on “I think Ry Ry knows me more then auntie, she may get more upset being with her so I will keep her, I will love spending time with her” that is good, so I don’t need worry about Rylee “take a breather, enjoy yourself and just speak on everything” Mel said, nodding my head taking in a deep breath.

Chris called me an SUV too, he is making sure I really come to this. I love that he is doing the most too, he is making sure I am dressed too with inviting my stylist. I do wonder what the fuck he got going on at a damn museum, like I am wondering what he got going on right now. The driver opened the door for me, I smiled lightly at him as I got out of the SUV. Chris and his damn leg, trying to not smile too much “wearing a shirt now” I pointed out, Chris smiled putting his head down “well I had to look good, you look beautiful” he looked up at me “you really do, I am just glad you came actually” he laughed “I was doubting that you was because there has been a lot going on with us so I was just doubting it so I am glad you’re here” leaning in and wrapping my arm around his neck “well I wouldn’t not come, I like surprises and you know that. I am sad for you though, your leg” I stood back from him “yeah, it’s been a real pain for me but we good. We can still do what we need to do can’t we?” nodding my head agreeing “of course” I breathed out “shall we go in?” he said “yeah, I will go in first. Hold the door for you” stepping ahead of him so I can hold the door open for him, I have to take care of him now “thanks” pushing the door open and holding it open for him “don’t be, if you weren’t like this then I would have made you done it all” which is true.

The double doors opened on their own actually, Chris and I just stood here, and they just opened “oh my god” placing my hands over my mouth, hearing the violin started playing Diamonds just like on our wedding day. The room is filled with flowers upon flowers “happy anniversary, I know it’s late, but I had to do it” I am emotional, I can’t even. The room is beautifully filled with flowers and roses “shall we go in” this looks just beautiful and the song, walking inside slowly. It’s like we are entering an enchanted place, it’s just beautiful “two doves, oh my god” I pointed staring at the two doves just on a branch “they so beautiful” turning myself around looking around every inch of the room, how did he even do this “the erm, the number of red roses here in this room is the same amount we have been married, every rose represents every day we have been married” Chris said, and I am even more of a wreck. I am trying not to cry but I think I will be failing at this soon, slowly walking further in. It’s just the music and the whole set up “butterflies!?” I spat, he is has really gone out of way “I wanted it to be authentic, you know” one just flew by me “this is so fairytale Chris, oh my god” looking up at the ceiling, it’s just pure beauty “I think you need to be my creative director” Chris laughed out, I wasn’t even joking “oh wow, Dennis is here” I laughed, of course he is here “so we can have the memories” he is right, we do need it.

The violinist did amazing “just bought me flashbacks to the best day” smiling at her as she shyed away “thank you” I said to the waiter “now wait a minute” I pointed, Chris laughed “my life wouldn’t be worth living if I didn’t” Chris laughed, this is so sad of me, but I know my waiters “Giorgio Baldi, I swear I could cry right now, wow. Am I predictable or something, like you are just hitting it every time, I am over the moon” the waiter laughed and finished pouring the wine “thank you” I smiled saying “my pleasure” he walked off “so have I done good?” pressing my lips into a hard thin line and then nodding my head “I am over the moon” I have to admit, it’s just so beautiful “good, I am happy you said that because not going to lie but when I was thinking on what to do, I kind of got stuck thinking on what to do so yeah, I am happy you are feeling that way. I know we have a lot to speak on and I want to be the one to start first, but we shall eat first and then I can speak on things, but I didn’t think you would come. Just because you have been off with me, and you have been going out more too” I chuckled “yeah, I uhm. I just didn’t want my mother to know in a way, not in a bad way but she clouds my mind, parents” I laughed “yeah, my dad is the same to be honest so I understand but I wanted to be truthful to her, because she would have come to the home and then be like where is my daughter” I get where he is coming from.

This whole setting is beautiful, with the violin and the whole things. It’s beautiful “look at that” turning my phone to Chris, a butterfly flew onto my plate. It was so random, it’s just there at the side “that is dope” bringing my phone back, I am going to post it on my story. It’s so pretty and it’s not moving “how is your album coming along? I mean since I haven’t been around you have been working hard on it?” locking my phone and placing it at the side of me “great, I must say this whole situation gave me so much fuel and inspiration. The music is based off your shit” Chris groaned out “my god” he said “yeah, it’s funny because the producers are like what the fuck happened but the album is kind of done, I just need to do a few more songs but thank you for the inspiration” Chris rolled his eyes “I am not sure if that is a good things but I am glad that you have had that inspiration to sing about what happened, I am kind of scared now to hear it. Just because I know the meaning behind it, my fault” he doesn’t even understand how much inspiration I got from this “I can’t wait for you to hear it, I think you are going to hate it or love it.

I can tell Chris has a lot on his mind, I know my husband. He is preparing in his mind, he shouldn’t feel like that he should just flow with it and say it “thank you” I broke the silence between us “thank you for this, the whole meal and the whole set up. This is what I wanted for my anniversary” Chris grinned “so you coming home now? I am joking” he sat back in his chair “I am finding it really hard right now, like not in a bad way but just to explain how much I fucked up. I am so dumb, imagine doing that to anyone let alone Rihanna but I am sorry, I will forever be sorry for this because I let you down in a big way, something I said I wouldn’t do but I did, I am so sorry Robyn. I was so lost in the glamour of Drake and his lifestyle, I was so lost in the fame, the fun that I put that as a priority and left you behind, when he called I was gone, I did think he was a friend and when you told me that, I saw that as you just breaking that up for me, like a threat. I know niggas see you as a lot, meaning sexy and whatever, I know there is a lot of men that would take my place, I know they will and I know I could lose you, there is always someone there and that is because they find you sexy. I know it, I see it constantly and you’re with me so it’s like what the fuck, but you are. And when you mentioned about Drake, it triggered it. I just got uptight, I always know you are better than me no matter what you say, so you saying that I just thought she wants to break something good for me, a friend. I didn’t think he was like that. And it looks so bad because I did choose him over my own wife, I look like a clown, I am a clown. And my mouth, it just runs. When I am in the moment I can never stop, and I don’t ever think either. It’s never ok to disrespect you the way I have, I wouldn’t let a nigga do that to my own daughter but here I was doing it to my wife, missing out on things. I am stupid but then the whole shit with Rocky, I was already like that. But now I think, it was all planned. Everything, he did it all on purpose but then it exposed that you are still messaging him, and I didn’t know, I looked stupid” his voice broke “I am sorry Robyn, I am really sorry. I just miss you so much, I miss you in the home, it doesn’t feel right at all. I just want you to know how much I feel bad about everything, I treated you like shit really badly and you still were there for me in a way, but I don’t deserve you” Chris wiped his eyes.

I don’t like him crying “don’t cry” shifting in the seat “I tested you and I pushed you, taunting you about not being Rihanna, I don’t like it. I bought that out of you, you didn’t want too but you did it because I pushed you to it” nodding my head “I honestly can admit that I don’t treat you any less, what you are feeling and thinking is your own insecurity and you need to let it go, I married you Chris and you need to remember that. I didn’t want anyone else because I love you, you’re my first love but I cannot take the attitude and I won’t stay at a place where I am being treated like shit. I will take fault in the way I said it to you and the way it came out, I didn’t see Drake as a threat, but he was entering my family, he started to cause issues in my home. I kept it away because it meant nothing to me Chris, it didn’t but then he was entering my home and causing those issues, so I had to say it but not in the right manner. I was angry with you because Rakim is just harmless and you started that mess, it was not needed. Yes I have his number still because it’s nothing sexual, it’s just a friend. I have a lot of male industry friends and my mother doesn’t agree but it’s there, it happens, and I don’t know where we go from here if you can’t accept that” I want it to be out in the open “you have your female assistants, I don’t care. You don’t hear me piping up unless it’s Seiko but that is life, females will be around, and males will be too but that is down to you” he can’t always be like this either “but you didn’t say anything about texting him Robyn, it’s stupid for me to not know this. He mentioned it to me and laughed, made me look like a joke” Chris said “you was both making jibes at each other, we could go back and forth on this forever. The industry I am in there will be men and you, you can’t be like this. I am married to you, I love you. How much else you want me to do Chris? If we are being real then let’s be real on this, can you take it? I can’t just stop talking to every man, my mother expects me to just what, text you straight away that a man is there? Then you just don’t trust me, like this can’t go on right?” I can’t continue this when he feels that I am above him and that every man is out to fuck me.

38. Part 2

My mom gasped “Robbie, why are you crying?” I sniffled wiping the tear that left, I am so stupid, but I feel highly emotional about that, he really called me mom like oh my god “what happened? Was it Chris?” My mom rubbed my back “not that, just” Mel walked over all concerned that I am being this way, I am so emotional about this “Aeko didn’t want to go with Chris, I have told Chris off about his behaviour but I have told Chris and Aeko didn’t understand that he was the one going, he was hiding behind my legs. He called me moqrm!” I spat, Mel gasped “no way!?” she spat “yeah, he called me Bobyn mom, like I am just feeling all sorts of things right now, he called me mom. What did I do to deserve such a title” placing my hand over my chest “oh god” noticing Dennis is recording, of course he is “that is because you have took the place of his mother, you have showered him with love and care, this is all he wants. All he wanted was someone that believed in him and you did, he feels it. Awww my baby, you are such a good woman” my mom hugged me, I just don’t know what I deserved to have such a title, mom “that is beautiful” Mel rubbed my back “I just don’t think I deserved it, like I was just doing what I thought was right. You know, god. It’s really hit my heart. I don’t want to ever take someone’s child away, that is not the case but I am pretty shocked about it. Chris was like you what? He really wanted to stay with me” I breathed out moving back from my mom “that has to be the highlight of my life at this moment, like people don’t know the full story. I don’t know the full story but to have a child call you mom, it’s just a highlight” god, I am so much in shock that he did, bless his heart.

I am not even sure how to react to it “what would you do mom? Like should I allow him to call me that? Should I tell him no, please help me mom?” I asked, I am not sure of it at all “do you feel uncomfortable with it? I mean if he sees you as Bobyn mom then who are you to correct him, you got to be a good person to get such a title Robyn. You are so good, a little too good and I think you should let him. If his mother wants to battle you then so be it, but I don’t think she has much of a case. She has done a number on that child; he shouldn’t feel that way. Not even with Chris, where is Jah?” my mom asked “he has gone with them, Aeko wouldn’t go without him. I have spoken to Chris about being more kind to him, he needs it. I am so overjoyed, like it’s weird. I am used to him looking at me with those big brown eyes, he’s there more then he is Chris at times. He is so loving, and I hate them two idiots, she uses him as a pawn, and he thinks of him as a waste of time because that’s her son. It’s not that, I don’t even care for that. They both need to grow up, I am not even playing anymore. I want them both to fucking grow up, but I don’t see it, but anyways. I need to prepare for my meetings” I breathed out “I hope Chris listens to you, Jah will tell us anyways” Mel is right, Jah will tell us.

I can’t believe this little nigga really called Robyn mom, is he feeling ok. I am unsure on even how to feel about that because he shouldn’t say that, who the hell even put that idea in his mind in the first place “infamous Chris Brown home, I seen this shit in picture. Seeing it in person, shit is crazy” Shem said as I unlocked the door “welcome, come in. Make yourself comfortable, don’t ask for anything. You do what you need to do” walking into my home “shit is wild Chris, I love your home!” this is why I don’t want to sell it, this home is like a masterpiece, it doesn’t deserve anyone to have it besides me, I get to have my own shit here and decorate the outside when I want, I don’t think I will be ever selling it, I will keep it whether Robyn likes it or not “you can use the studio, whatever you want. Make yourself home” Stephan dapped me “thank you, it’s like staying at an entertainment park bro, amazing” they are looking around in shock, my home is a masterpiece “you want to go and play?” I asked Aeko, he is holding onto Jah’ hand firmly “yes I do daddy” Jah said on his behalf “nigga, shut up!” I laughed “come, you know this home now. Don’t be sad” he knows this home so he don’t need the acting this way at all, I picked him up whether he likes it or not, he didn’t react badly at all, he let me pick him up.

Watching him throw the basketball “you got it, go on. Here” holding the ball out as he threw it at the hoop “oh wow, you nearly had it there” picking the ball “Look” throwing it and it fell into the hoop “now Aeko does it” grabbing another ball for him “I do it” he said as he took it from me, grabbing him up and aiming up at the hoop so he can easily put it in “there we go! Yay! Aeko did it” putting him down on the floor “I did it!” he yelped out, I chuckled nodding my head “you did” he clapped his hands “I play car, I go here” he ran to the Mario Kart machine “yeah we can play on that, sit on the seat. You want to play with him” I asked Jah “no, you can. He wants his dad too” Aeko sat back on the seat “your little legs won’t reach, so how about you sit on my lap and we play with Jah?” I just realised his legs won’t reach the pedals; he nodded his head. Picking him up from the seat, sitting down and placing him on my lap “you hold the steering wheel, and I will do the pedals ok?” Aeko nodded his head already grabbing the steering wheel ready to play “you better let me win Chris” Jah said, he probably will win because Aeko is steering. Feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket, grabbing my phone from my pocket and seeing that my mom facetiming me “one minute” I said to him, answering the facetime call. Aeko looked at my phone, his face just got in the way “I want my son back Chris!” Ammikka snatched the phone from my mom “what son?” I said laughing, is she crazy “you blocked my number, you blocked me on Instagram. You stole my son and I want him back!” she barked, it made me laugh “right” she is really crying wolf right now “Aeko you want to speak to momma?” I asked, he turned away from the steering wheel “mommy” he looked at the phone “no” he legit refused, I gasped “wow, you don’t want her?” putting the camera down “Bobyn momma, she shouts. Mean” he pointed at my phone “does she? What she say?” I asked “daddy not want me, she cry and she make me cry. She hit me” my eyes widened, Ammikka is screaming on this phone “hit you? Really, why baby” this is some shit “she not want me, she want erm” he turned in my lap “let’s play!” he totally just ignored that “you hit my son you dumb bitch” bringing the phone up “he acts like you, a whole fool” disconnecting the facetime “wow, she is a bad mother” Jah said, I didn’t know she like hits him.

Let me try something “we can play, lets try something” tapping on Robyn’ name to connect the facetime “that is fucked up Chris if he is saying that, hey Aeko. Did mommy hurt you?” Jah asked him, waiting for this facetime to connect “Bobyn?” my son said, he is something else “no, not Bobyn. Mommy that was on the facetime, the mean one” Aeko held his arm up “there, she pull cause I not walk fast” it connected finally “what is it? I am in a meeting, I hope it’s nothing bad” Robyn looks all flustered “send nudes” I said laughing “nigga, I will come there and kick you. Don’t be stupid” she is not in the mood “Aeko, look. Who is this” turning the screen so he can see, he turned in my lap “Bobyn, hi!” he clapped smiling “hey baby, are you having fun or is daddy being annoying like this” I was trying to test this out, seeing the drop down notification from my mom “oh god” I said as I read it “the bitch called the police on me, Robyn I got to go” least my mom warned me “huh, Chris what!?” Robyn spat “the bitch is playing up, she has phoned the police on me, she is claiming I kidnapped Aeko when I really didn’t, the bitch gave up the right. I need to call Mark; I will keep in touch” Robyn was going to speak but I disconnected the call “she phoning the police on you!? You have all that proof she didn’t want him” nodding my head, I know damn well she ain’t trying it. There is one thing my mom has done and has warned me about this, now I can prepare myself for the storm that will come and they will search my home because she will say I am on drugs, I know her and that is the only thing she got on me.

I totally forgot that Royalty is coming but she is here with Nia “so what is happening?” Stephan asked “this is why you don’t impregnant bitches, I was so out of it and I didn’t even know. She didn’t want my son and now she does, she is doing it to cause problems because they hate me anyways, the police will come and search my home now, watch. Just relax, you good” Royalty ran inside “hey big girl, look at you” hugging her as I placed my phone against my ear “and you got your hair braided!? I love it, you are so pretty” Mark answered my call “are you coming? Like are you close, I know they going to be here soon so I need you here” I am panicking a little “I am coming son” he said, disconnecting the call “Nia, this is Stephan. A friend, uhm did you see any police out there!?” I asked her, Nia shook her head “no why? Don’t tell me there is trouble coming” I sighed out heavily, tapping on my photos and going to the messages she has sent me “look at this shit, she threw Aeko to me and is now claiming I stole him” Nia took my phone, picking up Royalty “you getting too tall for this baby, I missed you so much. My twin, don’t you think?” turning to Stephan “she is, hi princess” Royalty waved “daddy, are you in trouble?” I chuckled “mhmm I am not sure yet” I chuckled “seriously!? Keep these messages Chris, I cannot believe she is doing this to you, that is mean to him” Nia said “she literally let him travel with a random woman with no clothes or anything, I am just fed up. My lawyer is coming anyways” putting Royalty down, my daughter is getting too big for me now, she is tall as hell.

Robyn is wanting to come here but I told her not too, I can handle it. Mark is here now too, Nia and Jah so kindly taken the kids to another room so Aeko and Royalty don’t need to see this shit “she is fucked bro, not going to lie. What made you think to impregnant her?” Shem asked “she wasn’t like this, she was quiet. She jumped when I said jump, she was a puppet to me but she is heartbroken, she wanted me to play happy families with her and I wasn’t happy” she is now just being drama but she will learn “Chris” Mark said walking over to me “I have spoke to the police, they still want to sweep over the house but they have no rights to remove Aeko. I have shown the messages, there is no foul play so if the gentleman calmly can look around and they can be on their way, I will file a restraining order on Ammikka and we will need to go to court, full custody of him. She is screaming murder out there alone; she has no money to even have a lawyer, but we will get her removed. And I will file the paperwork and get this rolling quickly” nodding my head, the officers walked in “please” Mark gestured “I thought you wasn’t going to go for full custody?” Mark asked “yeah when I called you I uhm didn’t, but I need to do right by my son. He is unhappy with her so; I am going to do it. I have a good home Mark, I am married. I have a family, stability. I can do it” Mark smiled at me “I believe you can son, but the restraining order needs to be done as soon as possible. I don’t want her jumping to do something else and blaming you” Mark is right, she is unhappy with herself, so I do not want her to be doing something to get me in trouble.

The officers found nothing; I mean I knew that anyways “you American police move differently brother” Stephan said pointing at the officer “you think I would let some officer without any papers come in my home, brother I would knock your block off bro” this is why I like him “thank you Chris” the officer said walking off “will you be escorting the lady from the premises please, I will come with you” Mark walked off with them, I am so glad that bitch did not get the chance to see me at all, the best thing I did was have Mark here, she couldn’t even get to me at all, not only has she lost her son but she ain’t about to get no money from me, this is a good day “welcome to my life” I sighed out walking off, let me get them to come out now. Nia is good peoples, she stayed behind which she didn’t need too “I still think you should knock his block off” Stephan said, I laughed at him because I wish I could “y’all can come out now, coast is clear. That was fun wasn’t it?” I chuckled “dad are you being naughty again? Rihanna won’t like it” Royalty said, she is being deadass too “you better relax, I ain’t do anything. This is grown folk business now, thank you Nia for waiting behind. I will drop this girl off before Monday, so Sunday night” Royalty pulled a face “where is Riri? Why isn’t she here?” Nia snorted laughing “she has been counting the days down to see Rihanna, good luck to you. Be good for your dad now, seriously” Nia pointed at Royalty.

Aeko and Royalty really be going at it, like I think Royalty doesn’t have the patience and Aeko continues to touch her stuff “hold the mic while I put this on” Royalty and this karaoke shit “can I be next?” Jah said “me and Chris, it’s Jahleel featuring Chris Brown” I chuckled at him “I don’t mind that, we can be after. Come on you two” my son doesn’t look happy to be there “I am Royalty Brown, and this is? Say it!” she shouted “Aeko” she groaned out “and I am going to sing what’s my name, and Aeko you can be Drake” Jah screamed out laughing, like I don’t know whether to laugh or cry “what?” I said half laughing as Jah screamed out, like these niggas are laughing at me “listen dad, I am Rihanna obviously and he is Drake so let’s go!” I can’t even be angry “can’t you just do something else? My god” pulling a face “oh my god, this has really made me cry. Oh god, Aeko you make a beautiful Drake, you go boo” Jah waved her off, Royalty chooses the worst things on earth. Watching the video play in the back, Aeko looked behind him and he dropped the mic “Bobyn!” he pointed, I just remembered he doesn’t actually know the singer she is supposed to be “Bobyn!” he shouted jumping up and down “it’s Rihanna Aeko” Royalty said “no it Bobyn, dad. It Bobyn” he ran to me “it is” he sat next to me “you’re supposed to be singing with me?” Royalty said but it’s too late, Aeko is entranced by Robyn being on TV “I have never seen such a genuine excitement on someone’s face, he has heart eyes. I can’t believe he doesn’t know Rihanna, like this is so new to him” Jah said “why doesn’t he know Rihanna?” Royalty asked, “because he doesn’t know her like that, and he calls her Bobyn, so let him” Royalty is not pleased.

Skipping the Kiss it Better video for him and then it went to Diamonds, we are going back to the home to eat and then we have to go back but I found a new way to keep him entertained, by playing Rihanna on YouTube and putting headphones on him, he is so intrigued by it, I think he is in disbelieve that she is singing and she is on Youtube, he is so whipped, like me “thank you for earlier” I said to Jah “for coming, breaking that barrier down. Like I know I am not the best person, I fucked up. I want to make it right; I think we are going to be good. It’s kind of pains me to know he felt that way, she was really bad to him” Jah smiled at me “it’s not a problem, I think we can gather why she only wanted him and treated him good for. She wanted you, she didn’t get you so why be nice to the seed. I think she is unstable. She got played at her own game, she only got herself to blame now. Even if the courts don’t give you full custody. Least you will get the right type of custody of him, it needed to happen. He has so much to learn, I enjoy him” that is nice of him “I need to let that guard down, I need to enjoy him” I can see why they love him.

Helping Aeko out of the car, Royalty ran like her life depended on it and I felt for Aeko because she will not let him get peace now. Aeko also ran off, my kids don’t want me anymore “this home is so damn busy” I kind of hate it, not going to lie. She also has Rich and Frank living here, I hate it. like clockwork, of course I hear the cries of Aeko. It was going to happen “I have been counting down the days Rihanna! Oh my god” Royalty is hugging Robyn of course, Aeko is on the floor crying “do you want to cry too?” Robyn said laughing, side eyeing Robyn as I leaned down to pick him up “what is wrong huh?” he pointed at Robyn “I hug Bobyn” he is out of breath “you can hug her Aeko, calm down. You got to share now” putting him down “what is wrong with you, there is enough hugs to go around. Come here” Robyn hugged Aeko “it’s ok, calm down” she rubbed his back “did you have a good time with daddy huh” I really prefer London right now, this home is just getting on top of me, it’s like everyone is here and watching “I see you dance” he pointed at Robyn laughing “me?” Robyn laughed “he has found out about the singer Rihanna” Jah said “oh that old thang, I joke. You like it?” he nodded his head.

Sneaking off to the kitchen, Mel is showing Royalty Fenty so I can sneak off for a little while. Seeing Robyn with her mom cooking, running around the counter “what I say about you coming in this kitchen” Monica caught me before I even got to Robyn “I know but, please. Just two minutes, it’s just time. Robyn is always busy, please” Monica shook her head “go on then” grabbing Robyn’ hand, the dining room will be a good place to hide right now. I am running hoping no child clocks Robyn, now Majesty is here, this is hell for me. Closing the door and turning to Robyn “I miss you so much, and I just can’t wait to have sex with you. I am sick of not having time with you, it’s not fair. It’s just kids, on kids. I miss you so much” Robyn looked taken a back “I thought you was enjoying this Cali freedom” hugging Robyn close, she wrapped her arms around my neck “I miss us” Robyn said, it’s been a while where I can just hold Robyn without anyone interrupting. Her attention is all mine, she is busy and I don’t like it now “I knew I would be busy here Chris, doesn’t stop me thinking about you” Robyn moved back from the hug, pressing a kiss against my lips “I just miss us being alone now, it’s wack. You know, I miss your face. I miss your body the most, I have not had the chance to really just have you to myself like that” Robyn smiled at me lightly staring at my face “I am wanting sex so badly now, I know my pussy is crying. We will make time for each other, but you didn’t get in trouble right? You called Mark” nodding my head “let’s not think of anything or anybody, just us” I miss it, I just miss us “maybe we can think of getting a nanny, so we can have more us time? Don’t you think?” Robyn pulled a face, doesn’t like the idea at all “in London we’re ok, we don’t need it” I guess that is a no.

60. Part 2

I understand Maurice’ dislike for Leon but it’s a bit too much, even making him cry about it. I am a little annoyed at him for it and instead of feeling annoyed about this all day and throughout the flight, I will bring it up. He is currently upstairs on his phone; he is literally working from home when this is our time. He knows we are always busy in New York “mom, I will be back down. We can leave then, guys. Won’t be long” I said to Jay and Matt “as long as you ain’t going up there for sex now” Jay said, he is so cheeky “it won’t be” making my way up the steps “Reign, no you don’t” looking behind me “baby I will be back, stay there” this girl wants to climb the stairs now “I am coming down” Maurice said “well I am coming up and I would like to speak to you please” Maurice turned back on himself and went into the bedroom, this is not an argument at all just a disagreement on a situation. Opening the bedroom door “and why did you close the door?” Maurice grinned “because we can have sex” pointing at him “you are so predictable but no, I want to discuss something, and I think we are grown enough to discuss this don’t you think?” Maurice sat on the edge of the bed “did you make the bed?” I pointed at the bed, I am shocked “I did, thought you was busy downstairs with Reign and did it. Nothing big, I mean I hope I did it right” that is so cute “but you never do things like that?” I am in awe “I watch you; I always watch you do things Robyn” that is the sweetest thing ever “Maurice, I am literally so happy. I mean ok it is just a bed but still, baby!” I yelped out “it’s nothing big but tell what is wrong?” Now I am stuck on the fact my husband made the damn bed, I am so happy “so uhm I just wanted to discuss you working, just that all of this working it not it. This time was supposed to be about us, spending time together because in New York we are always busy. I just thought I would share my annoyance” Maurice is laughing, and I don’t find anything funny “you are cute, I am yours. I just had to deal with that. I am done now, sorry” he held his hands up, I just can’t be mad at him now he made the stupid bed.

I scoffed “I also have another thing, please stop being so harsh on Leon now. Please!” I pleaded with him “he is sorry, he has messed up, and he knows it Maurice. He will be with me for the wedding, you should be glad I didn’t bring him along for this, he is right. He never did us wrong by selling stories, he does love us, and he appreciates what you did for him so for me please” clasping my hands together “I just don’t like that he cried, you can be so stern at times. He did not mean to do it, he is sorry about it” Maurice sighed out “I don’t care anymore about him, I am over it now. But the bond we had; it won’t be there so when I said it will take time I mean that. If he is around I will say hi, that is it, but I won’t be rude to him. I have Shawn to hate, he is just driving me crazy. I have no best man now, so I got that to worry about” poking my lips out at him, he is really sad about that “I understand, I know you must be very upset because I was so hurt about Leon acting funny with me so I get why you feel that way about Shawn. I think with you and him, you both need to talk it out, but he needs to step up as a man to your sister before you can forgive. For the baby at least” Maurice shook his head “Robyn he was using me for my former drug and whore place, I can’t forgive that. I just really can’t Robyn, he wanted bad for me. I mean ok I am fine, what if he took me and I relapsed because that can happen, it’s bullshit and I am angry at him for that” Maurice is right “you have a good heart but I can’t fuck with that, I was a hardcore addict. Taking me there is awful, it’s like he didn’t care for you, my daughter. I mean I can control myself but as you know I can just end up being that person” nodding my head “I understand Maurice, but you and Jay Z are very close, I mean then again I don’t have any bridesmaids. My mother is walking me down the aisle, so I guess we equal baby. We have each other don’t we?” Maurice nodded his head “we do, and that is the best gift Bonita” I cooed out as I clapped and did a little run to Maurice, sitting on his lap “I mean it sounds like hell to you but we have each other forever” kissing his check “we have also Jell-O, and Reign. I mean that is all I need” Maurice is so damn adorable, I love him.

Reign is a pain, I mean it is my mini me but she is doing the most “we might have to get you your own bodyguard little lady” Jay said, Reign wanting to walk all by herself to the jet like we have all the time in the world “Reign, no!” Reign was about to grab something from the floor “come on” grabbing her hand “let mommy walk with you” feeling a tug as Reign decided to sit down on the floor “Reign, honestly. It’s dangerous you doing this” letting her hand go, watching her get back up and proceeding to walk towards the jet but at her own pace “she ain’t listening at all today little stink, you out here being your own boss” rolling my eyes, my mom and Maurice literally left me knowing full well this girl will be doing the most “fine” picking Reign up instead “this is not the damn catwalk nobody has the time for this” Reign is having a full blown fit that I did this, she screamed out crying. Climbing up the steps of the jet with this crying ass child “go and tell your dad how upset you are” placing her down as I reached the top, Reign did what I just said. She is screaming crying down the jet “Mi Amor, what happened?” Maurice is always there ever so concerned; he spoils that child so much and she knows it.

Reign is sat on Maurice’ lap while eating strawberries, I am jealous because I want to sit on his lap eating fruit “would you like anymore?” The flight attendant asked Reign and she nodded her head “uh no, no more” She has enough I quickly answered before they did it “thank you though” I smiled at her, the flight attendant walked off “Reign is acting like I didn’t just feed her, which I did” Reign picked out a watermelon and then reached up to feed Maurice, I swear that makes me so happy to see “thank you baby” he ate it, that is the cutest “she is growing so fast Robbie, I feel like everyday she is just growing and she is learning something new. My second love, you are my first Robbie and she is my second” Maurice kissed the top of Reign’ head “well you will be able to see that Terry, you are going to move in with us right?” looking at my mom, my mom looked at Maurice all wide eyed “you can’t be still decided Terry?” Maurice is right, she can’t be just thinking no “but it’s like I am in the way, that is your home” I was going to say something but Maurice did “no, I know plenty of people that have their mother in laws live with them. Don’t ever think that, I want you with us. The home is so big we may never see each other sometimes but I promise you, live with us I want you too” my mom looked at me “please” I said smiling “but then I am living off you, it’s not right” frowning at her “stop it, I don’t want to hear it” I don’t want to hear that shit from my mother “we don’t think that of you so don’t” she knows this.

I do love staring at Maurice in awe and it is because how of how good he is with Reign, he is a good father. I know his heart and I was never angry at him helping his mother, he has a good heart and I expected that from him “I do hope this baby is a boy, I just think it would be perfect for us. But you know what, even if it is a boy I don’t think it would change much” Maurice laughed “Reign has taken the biggest spot in my heart, she is just the best. She feeds me too, she’s better then Robyn anyways” rolling my eyes at Maurice “she is me thank you, she is just trying to bulk you up like I been saying” pointing at him laughing, Maurice reached over and grabbed my finger “you lied, you said you love my skinny self? Wow, you backtrack and lie a lot” trying to suppress my smile “I think we got issues here, you only want me for my money” trying to yank my hand away from his grip “don’t say that!” I spat “you have a big dick” I added “Robbie!” my mother spat “I am sorry mother, it is him” Maurice let my hand go as he laughed, he is laughing because now I had to say that in front of my mother “you are so annoying” I said side eyeing him “I think I want to stay in Cali” I groaned out now my mom has said that “please don’t say that now, Maurice will change. This was all on him, he keeps trying me about his skinny self and whines that I say it when I am joking” I chuckled, this was all his fault in the first place “but Terry, am I wrong for her saying that? If I told Robyn she snores, she gets offended. Look how annoyed she is and just to add, she does snore” he pointed, hitting his finger “I don’t, that is a lie. I don’t snore!” I spat “how do you know you don’t? Do you hear yourself? Baby it is ok, I love you for you and the light snores you give off, it’s soothing” now he has annoyed me “you kids are going to age me so much, I need to think long and hard about this” he is so annoying.

My phone pinged on the table and then hearing a little chuckle, looking at Maurice before picking my phone up from the table “oh no, listen if it’s a stupid thing you have done now” unlocking my phone and opening my message, seeing the video. Glaring at Maurice “baby it is beautiful, just watch” I am going to kill him “I literally want to jump over this table and kick you” my mother touched my shoulder “let’s see” my mom said, opening the video and pressing play. I am not happy “oh my god, Maurice. Why did you record me sleeping, I look awful. Wow, I look so terrible asleep” pulling a face at the phone as the camera turned to him “I can’t sleep, usually her snores are light and I enjoy them because I know she is there even when we are not touching. But she is not well today” Maurice said on the video as he turned in the bed to face me, I poked my bottom lip out as he checked my forehead with the back of his hand and then pressed a kiss to my nose “we going to try and sleep, it will happen” the video cut off “see” he laughed “I like it, I say it to annoy you but that day you was not well and we argued that day and I was like what if we spilt because I get on your nerves and then I need memories, but you was bring grumpy because you wasn’t well” I scoffed “you are so annoyingly cute, I hate it. Now I can’t be angry” my mom pushed me with her hand lightly “you both make me sick, too much love” my mother joked “it’s him!” I spat “it’s the both of you actually” my mom corrected me.

I am so glad to have landed already, I mean the flight was short, but I felt agitated, wait till the long haul flight comes alone, this was an hour. Stretching my body out as I stood up “no!” I put my hand in his face “what!? Why” Maurice spat but he still hugged me “you know what, I would love to be angry at you because that video is cute. I am now wondering what other shit you got on there” he is very annoying “loads, I mean I found it again when I downloaded my cloud backup on to my phone, I was like damn. I am so in love” I laughed, he just realised this “you are stupid in love with me, but the video is cute. I mean it is romantic at the same time because you like to hear me close, ugh!” I swear I want to be mad; Maurice attacked my neck with kisses “but imagine if you had big bulky arms” I laughed saying “I think you like to annoy me, it’s ok now. I know your game” moving my head back as Maurice pecked my lips “I love you Bonita” I just melt in his arms “I love you more pootie” I love that he is always so emotional with me.

Looking out of the SUV window, there is a lot of greenery where we are “it’s pretty out here” I mumbled saying, it seems so peaceful and I like this “I did mention to my dad that I want it to be smaller, he might have changed where we going” the SUV slowed down to turn off “we getting married in a vineyard? This is very country, pretty though. Unless your dad is bringing us here to murder us and steal Reign?” looking over at Reign “wow Robyn, that was intense. But that sounds perfect for my dad, he would do that” Maurice said which adds to my doubts about him “mhmm, well I will tell him I have baby on board so take Maurice” I laughed pointing it out “you are something else, selling me out like that. I can’t wait to go away with you, it’s going to be so good” the SUV stopped “awww you love me that much” I cooed out “I have no choice now, I am marrying you” he is just playing “I guess this is it, watch how my dad acts like everything is ok and nothing has happened or changed” that sounds about right with Marquis “wow, my uncle out here too. This is weird, ok Robyn they about to kill us” hitting his arm “don’t say that to me, I want you to not say that” got me scared now.

Jay held my hand as I got out of the SUV “hello, hello. You all arrived safely” Marquis said “we did” I said stepping back “why is Freeman here? I mean this is not his day” Maurice jumped out of the SUV saying “well my brother and I are going away for a while after this, that is all” Maurice laughed “oh right, brothers unite now? Oh ok, listen right. You ain’t invited to my wedding, I am telling you now I don’t want you here. Either that or you trying to get some money out of this nigga that is dying” touching Maurice’ arm “let’s leave it now” I don’t want the drama “you’re upset still Maurice, I get it. Listen to Robyn, she has a good mind on her. So” Marquis is a demon, my god “nah, I will listen to Robyn because I love her not because you said it” I don’t wish to be between these “but you are going to do as you’re told right? Maurice, let it go! Please, listen to me on this. I love you and I want the best for you. Freeman and I are just getting away for a while and then coming back, mhmm. How is the bitch of a mother?” he is quick to turn shit “oh my god, my angel. Look at her, Freeman. She is the apple of my eye, watch her. Hey Angel face, awwww you come to me” Reign’ happy self just making her to Marquis “hold this for me” Maurice turned to me “let it happen, for me. The thing you know is that he will die soon, just let him have his time with Reign, this our day. Ok?” Maurice nodded his head “beautiful family Maurice” his uncle said “fuck you” Maurice retorted “Maurice, come on now. You are better then that” my mother came up from behind with the stroller “niggas get on my nerves” Maurice huffed as he walked off, my mom just looked at me but I will give him space, Matt barged by Jay and ran after him.

Reign is really into Marquis; it’s sickening at times “has my spoilt son ran off again?” Marquis said, it didn’t seem like he wanted too but he looked away from Reign, that is really his angel in his eyes “I think he doesn’t like how you speak to him Marquis, he is still upset” I answered, nobody else is going too “If you wasn’t in his life he would be still that confused boy I know, you control him, you fuel him. You are his backbone and I know that, he has bright ideas and has done well but he is stupid in many ways” frowning at him “no, he was set up by your family and by you. This was your mess, but he has to take it, he has a heart and while I am here I am not having people take advantage of that. I think you need to put some respect on his name, if it wasn’t for you I will be in Hilton hotels” turning on my heels “I will be back” let me go and see where Maurice is, he needs to not let his dad get to him. He laughs because he knows that it gets to him. Turning the corner, seeing Maurice pacing and ranting to Matt, poor guy but here he is smoking. I sighed out, making my way over to them. Maurice is incredibly angry “Maurice, stop it please. Stop this, stop the anger. Your dad wants this, he wants you angry. He knows you he has affected you so please” Maurice flicked his cigarette to the ground “I am calm but he is laughing in my face” nodding my head “I know he is, he sees you as a child. You need to just show him you’re not that” Maurice clenched his jaw “that I just hide behind you” he added “and I will never let anyone fuck with you, I got you Maurice” he is very temperamental.

I did think this place was too country but like when I come to think of it, this is actually so perfect. With all the rich people around and will want privacy, this is perfect. It’s in the middle of nowhere but yet it is so beautiful “so we cater to up to a thousand guests if that is what you want?” looking at Maurice “uh no, the max will be two hundred. Not even that, I am keeping it small. You know what Sienna; I really love it. Like I can see it now, at first I was like ok marriage and I didn’t imagine how it would plan out, I leave that to others but being out here. Seeing the outdoor Arbor, the water feature and the vineyard scene at the back, I can imagine the pictures. It’s just perfect you know, I will be sweating out here though” Maurice laughed “that just shows that this place is for you, we have two rooms, ballroom or dining room which is smaller” walking behind the lady “I want ballroom, I want just the whole grand theme going on. Because we have a ballroom in the home in Texas, I always imagined it to be with the person I want to marry and be with so keep the ballroom, it will still be busy” she nodded her head “follow me to the ballroom, you see how yourself and the guests will be able to flow seamless to the ballroom. What people love about this place is how they can have privacy and stay here in the spa resort hotel, exclusive just to the wedding guests. We don’t have nobody else here, just yourselves” I can only imagine how expensive this is but it is on Marquis’ dime so let’s go all out.

Biting on my nail feeling a little nervous now, now that it’s coming a reality to me I feel a little nervous. I say it all the time about being his wife but now it will be official “what are you doing?” I said laughing “nothing, just imagining our first dance” he grabbed my hand without my consent and turned me around before hugging me “see what I mean, I am the dancers in this relationship” Maurice pressed a kiss to my neck “stop it” moving back from him, looking to the side of me at Reign. She is running the whole length of this ballroom, she is crazy. She thinks it’s a game but Marquis is too engrossed with Reign that he is not paying attention to what we doing here, bringing my attention back to Maurice “so we have like big deal people coming, princes, billionaires. I just want to know that this place and it’s workers will keep that enclosed, like my marriage to Robyn it needs to be on the low. Not because I am ashamed or anything but it’s our time so whatever you need to do extra do it, if we having these high profile people stay here in one place, it needs to be above 5 stars so what I want is extra security around here too, I mean they bring their own but we need more and whatever they want I know you can cater to their needs. I suppose I like the idea that the rooms are not basic, they done up to the nines and everything. But it’s the first time ever knowing of this place” I am so quiet and I don’t know, I suppose I am just trying to digest it “well that is fine, I spoke to your dad and he did bring that up also. We have the scheme actually under wraps, he said that was a surprise, but you wanted to see the venue” she seems so nice this lady “I am impressed, thank you. It’s really got me excited now” Maurice is very excited; it is cute to see that from him.

Hundred Twenty Seven. Part 2

I don’t even understand why I cried, I feel so stupid that I did cry but in reality she was a friend, we was close, and it hurts to know she still has that mentality of I did wrong, and I went the wrong path, that I ruined it all. She still hates Oakley because she knows I wouldn’t want her in my life as long as he is with me, he knows what kind of person she is like and maybe he is right, I am just so sad. And seeing Saint, he caused me pain, like he really just was so horrible to me “Lee, come” Oakley held my arm and took me into a corner “you’re going to ruin your makeup” that alone made me smile, I don’t know out of everything that could have come out of his mouth he speaks on my makeup “we good here, what happened? Sit” he let my arm go “have I really ruined it?” I asked “I mean not exactly but if you keep crying you might” I think maybe it’s too late “my mom left so I was going to find you, that was it but then Saint came up to me to tell me I look good and then North got mad with him, told him to go, fine. But then we spoke, well she spoke to me, and I just felt like you know, I lost a best friend because she couldn’t just be there for me and all she wants me to do is be on my ass and leave you, she just attacked you. Told me I made the wrong decision, that I fucked up. That you aren’t good enough for me, and I just got upset, to know she hasn’t changed. I told her that whatever you don’t agree but I am happy, I am going to be a wife, she can’t accept that. She is lonely as shit too, I know she is because she has been passed around the industry, it kills her I am not in that position. She can’t stand you, so yeah. It just hurt Oakley, that is all and then everything with Saint, like to see him. To know, like everything he did came back to me, and I just hated it, everything he did. I just wasn’t ready to see him because you know, it wasn’t nice and he is another reason why I couldn’t trust other men when I tried, and mind you I grew up with him.”

I sniffled “Oakley leave it” he just got up “please don’t do this” I got up from the chair, but I was stopped by a tug on my dress from the chair, turning to check but my dress was ok from the back “Oakley!” I shouted, rushing back into the party. I don’t want him to do anything, I can just see him, and he is walking straight to the Kardashian family, Saint and his brother are both there, he is crazy. I am running in heels; this is a big deal for me for him to not hit him but it was too late he already hit Saint, it was so out of nowhere that Saint did fall back, the music and the talking instantly just stopped and Psalm swung at Oakley but he missed, oh he is mad “Oakley leave it” I managed to get to him but they fighting now, Saint was going to go to Oakley from behind as he and his brother both fought and I was just going to go but I got pushed back and my dad just punched him out of nowhere, my eyes bulged out “bro, hey. Hey, stop! Fuck, just stop” Damson broke them up “I don’t even know what happened, but I know he spoke to you. Kim, deal with your shit, I told you about this” my dad pointed “come, Oakley come. Fucking leave him” my dad wrapped his arm around  me “who allows a fucking guy that abused a girl in this place, man fuck y’all” Herb spat “Hollywood on some fucking shit, niece you good” I nodded my head “I told Ti to tell you” my dad said “it’s ok” I sobbed out, I feel like a little girl all over again in my dad’ arms, he is always there for me “make sure he comes, Herb go” my dad said to him “I didn’t need to know shit, I knew we was just fighting” my dad is funny “always count on you dad” I grinned “always baby, I just seen Oakley swinging and I was like oh we swinging too” looking up at my dad “this old man can beat a nigga up on any time, for my kids you know” my dad kicked a chair closer “sit down” as I sat down Oakley is walking over “that was some shit over there, you bringing that London shit over here” my dad laughed “yeah I know, you good yeah?” Oakley came straight to me “yeah, he get you a little didn’t he” Oakley shrugged “It’s nothing, people may forget but we don’t it’s ok” I didn’t want all this.

I have never seen Tianna so confused, she is walking towards us so confused “I went to the toilet and what happened?” she asked “Rylee?” she said in shock “my son in law made me happy that is what” my dad is so happy, like I didn’t want him to fight but my dad wanted that, he saw it “what do you mean?” she said “Saint spoke to me and I just felt off, it wasn’t nice and then I told him, then he acts like my dad and went to fight him. I just wasn’t ready to see that or even speak to North” I shrugged “I am so sorry” she apologised “I felt like if I told you about it you may not have come” I frowned “but it put me in this situation, it’s fine. It’s life, I am ok though, but he affected me more then her words anyways” Tianna hugged him “I feel so bad, I didn’t know any of this happened. I just literally redone some of my makeup and then I come out and see Kim walking by saying that family and I was confused, I am so sorry” she apologised “it’s fine. I am sorry, ruining the event” she shushed me “no I am to blame, just so sorry” she moved back from the hug but then again I cried “no, I am sorry” Tianna crouched down “just everything, the whole thing. When we had sex, everything that all came back to me. He wasn’t nice, and he proved what I was scared of. A crazy man like that” Ti held my hand “yes I understand that men can be scary, I know too. I dealt with Taylen, it’s hard but we are happy now, you have a good guy that loves you, they are sad and bitter. I am sorry” nodding my head “Lee, you want to get your makeup redone” he is so unintentionally funny, and he doesn’t even do it on purpose, he is genuine with it “that bad?” I said to him “nah, it’s fine. But I can help” I shook my head smiling “I will help her, it’s ok” my sister said “you and my makeup” I said to him, Oakley chuckled “stops you crying init” he is so annoying.

Smiling at my dad as I made my way back to the gang “my first born is smiling, that makes me happy you good now?” my dad hugged me “yes I am, I am ok. I just didn’t want the drama either” I laughed out “stop it dad” he is squeezing me so tight “I love my eldest so much, I just want you happy. Also Oakley did me happy, we had weed together” my dad moved back “oh god” Oakley is dancing so I know he is high “well it’s made him loosen up a little more but yeah, I think really. Damson is the positive he needed, like he has been so happy to be here and he’s never happy to come, he dislikes LA and being here, he wants to be home, but I think he’s ok now” my dad smirked “you and mom doing a house swap” I scoffed “you know mom and you can stay away from my forever home, don’t you dare put that thought in her mind. I do not want to do that, no thanks. Why do you want to come to London anyways?” I frowned “good vibes really, she just feels the same as you really, I think she fell in love with your home and the whole area it’s placed in. I have never been to that area and it’s nice, and the fact your home is just so hidden, it’s like a hidden gem. You know like it’s been a battle to make him do things, I think the battle is over for you really, like yeah you have the odd times, but he isn’t the same guy I met, and I know him well enough, he a different man so congratulations” I giggled “is it subtle?” my dad nodded his head “you tweaked him” we both laughed “tweaked him, stop it” he is silly at times.

Eating cereal at the breakfast bar at my house at five in the morning isn’t the ending I assumed, I thought I would be maybe getting dicked down but really everyone is asleep, and I am awake, like I assumed we would be coming in from the party half assed but really it was the opposite, maybe we are getting old or maybe what happened threw us all off but whatever happened wasn’t the ending I thought, I just couldn’t sleep really. I thought some cereal and some home comfort will put me to sleep, I am sad. I am somewhat still thinking about seeing Saint, like he really did that to me and it’s upset me really, I didn’t need to see him but I shouldn’t be upset because look at where I am now, the point I am at “the bedroom was a little quiet, didn’t hear you” looking up from the cereal bowl “oh” Oakley is awake “so you do actually miss me in bed? This further proves my point” I grinned “I suppose, why are you here?” he pointed, he is half asleep “I am coming back up, just hungry and thinking” he sat down across from me squinting his eyes from the lights that are on “about?” I shrugged “things, how about we go back to sleep. I was just hungry” I lied; I didn’t want to really tell the truth so he can be mad at the situation “eat it first” he grumbled “you want me back in bed?” he nodded his head; he is so cute “you know I was thinking” I wonder what idea he has now “that we move in together, well I move back in” I cooed out “you ready to deal with me” he nodded his head “also your dad been saying that we need to get married” he chuckled “oh has he, come let’s go to bed” look at him wanting us to go bed “but also I enjoy your company” I snorted laughing “oh you just realised that now? I don’t know how to feel about that, you’re so stupid. Come” he is half asleep “nah for real, I want us to live together” waving him over “and what did I say? That is fine” he is still high I think “come” holding his hand.

I really hate living out of suitcases, but I don’t want to unpack it all for it to go back in, I am only here for a week at most so I don’t want to unpack, I miss my home a little really. Hearing a knock on the bedroom door, kicking the suitcase close, I can’t even be bothered at this point, I will live in Oakley clothes since he has scattered everything everywhere. Making my way to the bedroom door, he is still asleep, that sex took him out then. Opening the door “just me” my sister laughed “I didn’t want to walk in because like, I assume he is in here. Feels so weird to not just walk in though” it made me laugh “it also feels weird, but you never know, what’s up?” I asked “I just wanted to know if you’re ok, after everything and really explain myself I feel bad” letting out an oh, looking over at Oakley, he is asleep still really and won’t wake up “come in, he is asleep and fully covered, I am trying to find an outfit so come” waving her in “don’t worry, you won’t see anything” I laughed, she is so unsure of coming in “this feel so adult like, I miss those moments to just walk in. Awww is he even alive?” she asked “he doesn’t snore, I think I do you know. I am not sure, but he doesn’t. He is so quiet, I have to check if he is alive” Ti laughed out “oh you want to have a beach day, we are going well I also wanted to ask if we can take Aziel” I cooed out “that is cute, who is we?” turning to her “me, Damson. Our little siblings, and Aziel. While he is here, it’s actually Damson idea, what you think?” that is cute “yeah why not, not like London has that so yeah we will come, it’s been a while since I have been in a bikini you know” she has a point “come to think of it, do I have a one packed” my sister rolled her eyes “just borrow mine” I wanted her to say that.

“But yeah I am so sorry about yesterday Rylee, I knew she was coming and him, but I just didn’t think things would come to blow. My own selfish way I wanted you to come, it’s a big moment in my acting career and I wanted you there, but I should have said” nodding my head slowly “it’s fine, just seeing Saint bought back memories I didn’t want to remember so like yeah, and then with North, yeah I cried. Because I know how close we were and to see and hear her be the same, it hurt because really, if she came at me with sense. I would love that, but it was just so bittersweet. But like thinking about it, I got you so why do I care about her. North would come between us too, but I am so happy you and I are at this point in life, minus Lillian, somewhat Halle but that is on edge of being dead because of the whole thing. You really are my best friend” Tianna smiled at me “you’re my only friend Rylee, I mean yeah like you said we have peers but this” I chuckled “shit” looking at the door “hey, don’t worry Oakley. I didn’t see anything” Tianna laughed which made me laugh “I ain’t know, Lee I need boxers” rolling my eyes “ok, I will get then. You need it now?” I asked “I will have a shower” I grinned “ok, I will have it done by then. Ti will be gone by then; I don’t think she wants to see something unseasoned” I spat “that is rude” I sniggered “he’s woke up moody now” rolling my eyes “men are weird” she is right they are.

My mom is always plotting, the fact she got some paparazzi person to photograph us but he is out of the way, we can’t really see him on the beach but we are made of aware of his presence “who would have thought we would have found men that like each other” Tianna said as she sat down at the side of me “Emi, you can’t play with the boys, they are too rough. My son wants to drown you, come sit down” Tianna had to go and get her “poor girl” Tianna laugh “they mean” she said “I know, stay here. Aziel is rude but yeah, it’s cute. And with our brothers too, they play too rough though, I was concerned for her” Emi stood up “where you going?” I asked “drink” the boys are just a mess, they forget about Emi “you think it’s love with you and Damson?” I asked her straight up “I don’t want to say that too quickly but there is a lot of care there” I cooed out “that is cute really, then it will progress. He seems so content, like he was made for the family. I am shocked you’re not pregnant with the way you are both at it” Tianna yelped out “no we made a decision, and we said give it time. Move in together in LA and just take it slow, and I want that but yeah. I want to make him a dad so bad, he is so good with Aziel, seeing him with him my ovaries” I want her too really “do it, make him a dad, like Aziel is going to be six, he can’t be the only one” Ti side eyed me “maybe Imani” I gagged “I want Juke out so bad!” that can never happen.

Hundred Twenty Five.

I feel so deflated about my Vogue announcement now, I don’t know if it’s because Halle just aired it out on my behalf, but I just don’t feel it anymore. I think maybe just because I never had that when I was pregnant, I never got to celebrate that really and that was the biggest milestone of my life and now I am celebrating an engagement, I just don’t feel it. I am looking at it and I do love it, we both look so good together but I just don’t feel it now. I also feel a slight sassiness in regards to Oakley, like it’s a slight mention of why him and he isn’t on par to what we go for, the interviewer mentioned etiquette, like why. I don’t think Oakley will read it anyways but to me, that has annoyed me “hey” watching Grace walk into the living room with Aziel “hi Rylee, Aziel has something he wants to show you” Grace said, “mommy I am star” I frowned putting the magazine down “what do you mean star?” he ran to me with his bookbag “look” he is so excited, I am excited to see what it is because what is a star “my name, it’s me!” he passed me the award “oh you got star of the week” I gasped “Aziel, oh my god. I am so happy for you. Awww I am such a proud mommy” hugging him “I be good” he really did get star of the week, it’s never my son “awwww I am so happy Aziel, this is so good. Such a proud mommy moment” looking at the award “Aziel Caesar-Su, star of the week. Awww my baby, this is so good” I am so proud of him “you have been really good baby, see what happens when you are good, I am going to put that on the fridge because I am so proud. Wait till dad sees this, wow. Well things like this get awarded you know. Also let’s take a picture and show Papa and Nana, Oh and TT. Come” he is so proud “I hold it” he took it from me “he is so proud of it; he came rushing out. He said Grace, I did it” I cooed out “I am so proud of him, I didn’t think I would be seeing such a thing with him” I said as I got up “I think time and patience, with patience comes great rewards. I think it’s his first one and I see he likes the feeling” looking at Aziel he is holding it so proudly “you’re right Grace, I think he does. Aziel, we reward good behaviour, you can choose what you want?” he looked at me “I can” nodding my head “mommy and daddy food” he said “you want us both there, ok now you’re asking for too much, that is fine. I will make it happen” smiling at him, I need to call Oakley and ask what he is doing.

I am going to see Halle; she is home and Lillian is coming along with me to see her and also Aziel is with me because I thought I would take him along with me. I am just waiting for Lillian to come out, I am going to see her because I need to air it out really, I am hurt with what she has done. She has lost me that spark but I am not happy about the issue really, I don’t know if my mom read it or not, I have text her about it but she hasn’t replied back “awww I need to laminate that baby, you holding it to take it everywhere with you, you might rip it” he is taking this award everywhere with him “I hold it not bad” I chuckled “ok” shuffling over to sit next to Aziel, as I did Oakley is calling “hello” Tion opened the door for Lillian “hey girl” waving at her “alright” he sounds like he just woke up “you had a nap?” I asked “yeah I did, I was at the studio all night so yeah. I am tired, everything ok” he sounds half asleep “yeah everything ok, are you free for dinner? This is for Aziel not me; I mean you will understand why if you can” the line went silent “erm” why he acting like he can’t “what do you mean?” he questioned “like with Aziel” looking at Aziel he is just listening to me “Aziel got something he wants to show you, and I asked him what he wanted and he wanted to hang with us both so are you free or are you not?” he better be free really “yeah that’s fine. I can meet you just text me where, I will come. I have the studio again tonight, that’s fine. You been to her house yet?” maybe that’s why he is off with “erm I am going now, I will tell you later ok” he didn’t want me to go really “alright, see you later then. Love you” he said it on his own accord “love you too, bye” I won’t get too excited on the phone, he thinks I am too dramatic already. Putting the phone down smiling “hey bitch” I laughed “hey girl” hugging Lillian.

I am a little nervous about it all, I just think it could go either really well or we both argue “you bought her something?” Lillian pointed to the back “I did, because I am not that petty and really I love buying for baby girls, they are cuter” Lillian chuckled “but he is cute I am sorry but when did Aziel become cute” looking at Aziel, he is smiling “since he got star of the week right” he nodded his head “awww well I am so proud of you Aziel, what is mommy going to get you?” Lilian asked “ice cream” I laughed “yeah he wants food” I shrugged “you’re a good baby, I give you that. That is adorable. Girls are cute but also they end up being a pain don’t they” nodding my head “I suppose, but I guess all kids are a pain, I am not petty. I just wanted to get something for her because you know. She is my friend, but I need to know why but I can’t take her disrespecting him, I can’t” I can’t just sit there and take it “rightly so, when I called her as soon as I saw it I said why, she said but I deleted it and I goes too late girl, that is now being sent to blogs, she is hot headed, and she doesn’t think. Well I mean now look; she is stuck being in the dog house. I said you can’t do anything right, just that one thing Rylee asks for and you can’t do it for her, but like. I feel Wyge is getting at her about him, she kind of mentioned it but then like backtracked, I am sure he is there. Last time, I mean this was about a month or two ago, he was blaming her for the loss of Oakley in his life, and he was having some meltdown, I could hear him on the phone. And then she said he cut him off the funds, that clothing line was a family thing, I said yes but he isn’t family to him anymore, so yeah. I think there is a lot of shit behind the scenes. But I think you both won’t argue” I hope Lillian is right, I don’t want to argue with her at all.

Letting Lillian go inside before me, I am feeling a little off about things really “I missed you Aziel” Wyge said as he walked in “hi” Aziel punched his leg “hey, why would you do that” I said in shock “I am sorry” pulling him back “oh that’s Aziel all over, I am not shocked, are you good little man?” He asked him “I have a star” he’s about to tell everyone about his star of the week “I bet you have, come in” walking into Halle home, I took in a deep breath “mommy I want to go home” he hasn’t even gone inside “be good now, here hold the bag and give it to Halle when we go in” he took the bag “for me” I laughed “no baby not for you” walking into the room and the deafening silence, I mean it’s a little awkward after everything “hey” she said smiling “hey, go on Aziel. Give the gifts” sitting next to Lillian, I wasn’t about to go and hug her, she didn’t do nothing good for me to hug her about so I just sat down really “awww thank you Aziel” Halle said but Aziel ran to me so quickly “come here” placing him on my lap, he’s getting shy for no reason “awww you didn’t have too, for you to come is the best gift. Thank you for coming” Wyge also came in and sat down, see now if that was Oakley Halle just would just be staring and will have nothing nice to say “Wyge go and get her, let my sisters see her, well we decided to her call Jamila, it’s perfect for his culture and also for our side too” I cooed out “how was the birth?” The elephant in the room right now, it’s awkward “it went as it should have, I mean the baby and I was stressed but she came natural, I think they didn’t think I could but i did it as natural, and I feel like a new person. She has really made me feel whole” smiling at her “this is her” Wyge walked in “awww oh my gosh” she is so tiny in his arms “Aziel sit here, let me hold her” I moved him off my lap “why?” Aziel questioned which made me laugh “let me have little Jamila” poking my lips out, Wyge carefully placed her in my arms “oh she is so cute, look at her. Oh my gosh, she has Wyge face, does she have your eyes” looking up at him “her eyes are light, I think so” he laughed, she is so precious “look at her Aziel, isn’t she adorable” he shook his head “why?” I frowned at him, he is so rude “I don’t like it” rolling my eyes “well I do, and I wish you was a girl. This is playing on my ovaries, I can’t lie. Beautiful, congratulations to the both of you. So happy for you both” she is adorable “put it down” Aziel pointed “put it down? I need you to mind your business” he does not like it “baby no” he cringed, he is so rude “awww my guy, he just wants to be the only boy” Wyge laughed “baby no!” He spat, I shushed him “we heard, now stop” shaking my head at him “come to Auntie baby” Lillian said, she can have him.

I smiled so wide as Wyge took Jamila from me “she is so sweet” I gushed “awww does it make you want to have another?” I laughed “erm, honestly I don’t know. Seeing Jamila and how cute she is, just to have them that tiny. I feel like I didn’t enjoy Aziel at the same time when he was a baby, after all that, you know but she is cute. I would love a daughter” I would love it, it does make me think “I really think you both should, it may change Oakley as a person” Wyge came out of nowhere to say that “you think” looking at him “yeah, when you have a boy it’s like ok. It’s one of the boys you know, but a daughter is different, and I really think you should both try. Might calm him down” I smiled “I don’t want to have a baby to calm a man down really, it should be because he wants too so yeah, but I think we both will eventually” Wyge nodded his head “if Lillian has one now, and then I do. We can have play dates” Lillian pulled a face “girl, be calm” I laughed out “my bad” I chuckled “but yeah, so erm. I hope you like the gifts, it’s bougie like me” Halle chuckled “thank you so much, you didn’t need too” waving her off “it’s fine” I don’t mind it anyways “I still want you to be godparent to Jamila” my mouth opened and then closed “let me speak, just please. I want to say I am so very sorry. I didn’t want this; my emotions took over. When I wrote it and pressed send, I regretted it and wanted to delete it, but I couldn’t, I just froze. It was petty, he said words, then I did. I shouldn’t have, I am so sorry. Rylee please, I didn’t want this or mean it” she looks sincere to me “you made life hard for me” I mumbled “you really have, I don’t like to be between all of this, but I am and why did you even have to come at him like that. Come to me, we was sat there, and you didn’t let me tell him off, he was joking with you, and you did that” I spat, I half shouted “look, Wyge has been mashing up my brain. All I fucking hear in this home is Cench, Oakley. My friend. That man is depressed, ask him. He misses his friend!” She pointed “I do speak on him a lot” he said “I don’t know what to say to you, that is between you but Halle, you fucked up and I am sorry you need to apologise to him, you aired things I said to you, how could you! You ruined my moment, I love you as a friend so much, why would do that” my voice broke, now I am crying “Rylee I am so sorry” her voice broke, now we both crying.

Shaking my head “just I am so mad with you, publicly shaming the man I love. And you know I do love him, what I tell you girls is because I need to vent, we all do it but for you to openly tell the world, and now they are bashing him that he is broke, and it causes issues for me. Halle I don’t see how I can have you around and not cause shit for me” Halle is crying more than me now “I am sorry, I don’t want that. Please Rylee, I will talk to him. Everything was just getting to me, he was talking so much and then yeah, I don’t excuse what I said, but to lose the years we had. I get I am loud. I don’t even want you to be godparent, but I want you as a friend” she sniffled “I can’t lose you Rylee please try and help me make it right, so he doesn’t want me at the wedding or anything” I shook my head “he didn’t want me to come here but I did” Wyge shook his head “he’s so fucking stubborn” Halle is really pleading with me “don’t let him break us apart” she said “Halle don’t put that pressure on Rylee, this isn’t her fault. You did this and you’re now pressuring her to choose, you should do the running if you want to care so much. I told you how pissed I am with what you did so do not put her in this position to make her choose or put pressure on their relationship so please” Lillian piped up and I’m glad she did, because she was “I just want to keep the friendship we have, I do love Rylee” she defended herself “if you loved her then you wouldn’t have done what you did, but you did so now you need to deal with it yourself. I love you Halle, but I am mad you did that, that news was never yours to tell” Lillian is so livid, I am just very hurt.

Imagine if Oakley doesn’t come, Aziel will be so sad with him, but I have ordered our food and he is colouring in the book the waiter gave him, I haven’t bothered to really call him but text him where, so this is down to him really, just when I was about to mentally cuss him out I see him walking over to us “daddy” Aziel face lit up “sorry I was late, I am here now. Hey son” Aziel and the love he has for his dad makes me smile “awww little man, I missed you too. You good yeah?” he asked him “yes, dad it new” he pointed at his chain “yes it’s new, what you doing here? Colouring” he placed him in his seat “that looks amazing son” Aziel looked at me “mommy my star” I chuckled “ok, I will get it out” leaning down to get his star award out “you good?” Oakley made his way over to me “I didn’t think you was coming over to me” I got up from the chair “it’s nothing Lee, disagreements is nothing” he kissed my cheek and hugged me “I know, it’s tiring though” for me this is “I know” he moved back “Aziel wanted this meal” sitting down, getting the award out “show dad then” Oakley sat down across from me “dad I got star” he jumped off the chair and went over to him “oh wow, what is this?” I am proud of Aziel, to see how proud he is of it too “oh wow, you got star of the week? Aziel this is a big thing? I am so proud of you, this is what I been talking about” Oakley hugged him close “this is the best thing, awww Aziel” they both cute “then I asked what he wanted, and he said he wanted this with us both, I am glad you did make it” Oakley sighed out “something came up really, with erm. My mom she just disappeared, I went to see her, and the house is empty. I tried calling her, it rings out. I called my auntie and she said that she is here but doesn’t wish to speak to anyone” I feel bad because I already knew this “the home is empty now though, I guess you can sell it now” let me change the subject “might want to keep for when you do my head in” side eyeing him “I am joking but yeah, she gone. Won’t speak to me, did you know?” he asked me and I just stared at him, is this a trick question, do I tell the truth, does he know that I know.

Hundred Twenty Four. Part 2

This shit just pisses me off, Halle in general did annoy me because she was loud and rude, she has always been disrespectful towards me. She always said she did it for Rylee so what happened now, but I know Wyge has been talking some shit and I hate when people do that, and I fucking hate when Rylee speaks on me to these dickheads like I get everyone rants but now look “did he say what Lee says about me?” Wadz chuckled “you sounded so cute there baby” my mom said “just pisses me off mom, she always does that. Like she did before so I believe it. She last time said about not wanting a white fucking baby, but then reading the messages, it was nothing bad so I won’t bite but why talk about me” my mom is wanting me to not kick off but it’s there with me, I want to just call Rylee and tell her she is fucking dumb “erm he said that Cench should pipe down when he is the main topic in the groupchat because he can’t be a good man and that the girls think it’s Rylee that makes it work not him because she deserves better but I think it’s more Halle saying that but I was like my guy, you sound like a little bitch about all this, just relax. He said that the way Cench acted was fucked up and that it was unfair that he got affected with all this” shaking my head “fuck him” typing out my comment to Halle, she think she is funny calling me pagan ‘U want free promo because my money dried up in ur man account. I rate @Csouth52 for dealing with a gyal like you, he a good guy and he did better’ pressing send “you added Colin into it” I grinned “you know me Wadz I don’t fucking play, how you coming to me? Like who are you to come to like that, you fucking bitch” my mom swatted me “Aziel is sat here, come Aziel. We will go and get your stuff” Aziel just smiled at me, he knows “don’t listen to me ok” I pointed, he just walked off with my mom, I am glad she is here to do all this because I am heated “look” showing my phone to Wadz, answering the call “what happened there?” Colin asked, “your ex trying to come for me you know and for what?” he laughed “you know out of everything, I dealt with her correctly. Like she is a big personality, and I was there for her, but she need to quit acting like she wasn’t pushing into Rylee life just for the fame, she is dirty too. Like I was doing the cleaning, if she wants to start we can, she is broke. She has left her job too, I heard that. She deadass thinks she is going to be an assistant to Rylee” I pulled a face “she is done, I want her gone” I said “bro, your guy is trapped” Colin laughed “I was upset but I am cooling” Colin is a good guy “you good you know that” I said.

Showing Wadz my phone “no way she is calling you through IG” I have to laugh “bro she is mental” answering the call but putting it on speaker “you are asking for a death wish; I will fuck you up Oakley! I know your shit; I know you motherfucker” I laughed “what do you want me to do with that? You going to get CGM on me? Is that it? Bros are redundant, the fuck they going to do? You ain’t got the money to pay for it, heard you quit your job, Wyge money not dried up yet? Or my money should I say” I laughed “fuck you yeah! You are the pathetic loser that is going to be carried by Rylee, you like them young girls, nigga when I heard you was pulling up on Rylee like that, I was scared. You probably would have dated her younger you dickhead” licking my lips smiling “alright, so the point is I am going to make sure you are out of Lee life, I promise you right now. Keep talking you fat bitch” Wadz laughed “bro, you being disrespectful” Wyge came on the phone “then fucking gag your bitch” I spat “gag yours, I ain’t scared of you. I known you since years don’t do this” rolling my eyes “tell your bitch she lost a godparent” disconnecting the call “I been telling Lee she did that for money, she ain’t listen to me. I am always fucking right” I have to laugh “wife needs to listen to you more, ain’t you scared of the CGM gang?” I shook my head “they are redundant bro, forget it” I ain’t scared of them at all.

Looking behind me at Aziel in the car seat “ready to go home son?” he shook his dad “same, I will miss you” I chuckled, my phone started ringing. I am waiting for my mother to come out of the store, she said she needed something so I thought I would take her before I drop her off, answering the call “Wadz” pressing the phone to my ear “god damn, Halle replied back to you bro oh my days. She put right, listen to this, it’s a lot. This fucking loser of a man on the phone calling me fat bitch and talking utter fucking shit behind a phone, this half breed of shit will pay for his crimes and the people he stepped over. This guy is living off Rylee money, if we speaking let’s speak, my girls been paying the bills. You stopped giving money for Aziel but bought a ring and propose? You don’t treat my girl as she should be treated and like a queen, you bum ass can’t afford her. She is just as stupid as you to want to marry you, you just want to be a made man but trust me her DMs are full of rich men that would and should satisfy her needs she can deny it all she wants but maybe get your head out of the clouds of what we doing and check on your gyal, can’t even pull money out. It’s my girl that be suffering with a dumbass like you, fuck you and don’t ever chat to me again. And then she is pulling the card that you hate fat people, and you are disrespectful to women with mommy issues” I am pissed off “sorry son” my mom said as she got into the car “don’t reply or anything, like bro don’t even do anything let Rylee deal with it” I am so mad “I am mad, I can’t see Rylee I will blow my shit” I am fuming “she said all that public, she is moving mad. I will tell Wyge to relax her” disconnecting the call “mom can you drop off Aziel inside the house because I will end up doing something I will regret” I said straight up “oh Oakley, stop this. Not again, stop letting the internet influence you” I shook my head “I said! Fucking do it! I didn’t ask, I want you to do it so fucking do it. Fucking Idiot” I shouted “ok” she just said, I didn’t fucking ask really.

“Bye dad” Aziel waved, waving at him smiling but I rather not speak to Rylee right now because if I do I may say something that will upset her, if I gave it a few hours or the next day I can speak to her clearly because I don’t check Rylee like that, I ain’t that type of dude. I huffed out answering YBeez call “not you on shade borough, what the hell. You don’t like fat people” I laughed “she is a fat bitch, bro you seen what she said about me though?” he huffed out “deal with it will you, like she is airing shit out about you, both you beefing on the net. It’s stupid” shaking my head “she is extra and wants free promo, I am not having it” she can fuck off “well Wyge called me and said that you need to back off” I have to laugh “he can’t do shit, look I will speak soon. The boss lady is coming over” Ybeez laughed “good, maybe some sense will happen” disconnecting the call, I don’t know why she is coming over “I am not arguing with you, what is this? I saw what Halle put, just please come in and we can talk, you made your mom cry, why did you shout at her for?” Rylee leaned against the car “Oakley please, let’s talk. Your mom is in the house, she cried, and she isn’t coming back out” looking over at her “then you take her home, you can tell your friend I don’t give a fuck, she can get her goons” Rylee face softened “please, I am your fiancé, does this not mean anything to you? We are meant to be husband and wife, please. We don’t need to argue” I shook my head “whatever, you talking shit about me to them bitches?” she laughed “I wasn’t talking shit, I was talking to my friends. She is being malicious, I am so mad because she aired it out that we are engaged, just please. I am upset as much as you are, come” opening the car door.

Rylee passed me her phone “nothing deleted, nothing changed. You can look, I have nothing to hide, how you think I feel. Maybe it is pregnancy hormones because this isn’t like her” passing her phone back “it’s Lillian” she took the phone; I am sick of the shit. She made me out that I don’t do anything for Rylee, I do give her things too “oh she has, oh god. Yeah, well Lillian I need to call you back, some things have come up. I will call you in an hour, I need to speak to you but thank you for letting me know ok, bye” she put the phone down “Halle has gone into labour, that will shut her up but anyways. We don’t need to argue, because I don’t have anything to hide, yes there is men in my DMs, there is famous men at that, I mentioned it to the girls a while ago, it happens but I don’t respond, and you can see it for yourself. I said it, that was it and the whole being useless, we all rant about our men, Lilian said the same about Diji, I just don’t want this to affect us. Because to me this is what people want, just please calm down” her phone is ringing again “hi mom” of course “I know mom but what do I do” she put it on speaker “I told them at Vogue, they said for you to just post the video, the Vogue cover can still go on, it will have to happen this way. Just say it that you are both engaged and tomorrow you both go on a public date, bad press is good press. So tonight UK time at twelve you both just post it and then tomorrow a public date and paparazzi will be there, use that shit and tell Oakley to use this moment too, both of you” her mom just put the phone down “she should do PR” Rylee pulled a face which made me laugh because Rih be working overtime every time “she will only ring me if she has things that come to mind” Rylee sighed out “anyways about us, just relax” she knows I am tense right now.

I am pissed off still but just silent “I want you to apologise to your mom, you made her cry” I shrugged “so this whole shit your mom about to use it as promo? Some paparazzi shit then?” I am confused “well yeah, bad press is always good press according to my mom, maybe she is right look what Halle said was wrong, I am mad with her trust me but what can I do now she is in labour, but I think my mom wants us to go on a public date also with what is being said about you too” I laughed “I do not fucking care, I don’t want to be out. That sly bitch, she might have got boys on me” Rylee rolled her eyes “just listen to me on this, she hasn’t done shit. You aren’t gang anymore, fuck! Oakley this is different now, I need you to do this and post pictures now, just say we are. I want you to post it first” shaking my head walking off “you are so fucking stubborn, the least you can do is fucking apologise to your mom” rubbing my chin as I made my way into the living room, that is what I am going to do, apologise to her. My mom is just sat here “I am sorry” I said as I walked in “of course you are, you and Juke take it in turns to just verbally swear at me all the time or shout at me” sitting down “I am not like him” she loves putting me in that category “but you are, Oakley you swear like he does” I don’t know what she wants me to do “I just want to go to Ireland and leave me there” rolling my eyes “yeah on my dime, so I do it when I can yeah. My money, my time. Might want you to stay to babysit your son since you have no job” she can do that “oh Oakley I will get benefits from the government still, you think I care about your money, if I did I wouldn’t have kicked you out several times. Cheek of you, acting like I need you to live” taking in a deep breath “then where is your Irish family, they aren’t interested in you, they want to know me and who I am. Rachel who? All they see is their child that ran away with a man that wasn’t white, they don’t want you” my mom just stared at me “you are so cruel!” she shouted, “well it’s the truth” I laughed “what is happening here?” Rylee walked in “just a disagreement” I laughed “I am catching a taxi” my mom walked off “what did you do?” Rylee asked me “you need money!?” I shouted; she is running off for what “you causing more issues on top of what we got going on?” I shrugged as Rylee walked off.

Hundred Twenty Seven.

I can honestly say, I missed LA. I really missed this place so much and now I am home; I love it. I am happy to be home, to be free, to be able to drive and know where I am going but Oakley on the other hand. But I don’t mind London, it’s not a bad place just I need to have a little freedom in terms of just driving when I want but it’s so confusing, that place is just too much and I can’t deal with it so I prefer a driver and will always prefer that, but I am happy to be home and just be able to jump to places and go everywhere. The work is flowing in, I mean I am rarely here, so they jumped at me when I arrived, but I have been busy really, my management booked me in for a lot. It’s funny to see my fiancé face at the Fenty headquarter too, to see him actually take direction, it makes me laugh. Blowing an air kiss as Jen came over to me with her phone in my face “we have the Fenty babies here” I laughed “not that” rolling my eyes, she stopped recording “this place looks nice, it’s very stylish from the last time you all updated the office space. I mean you couple have removed his face” Jen laughed “well he is the face of it, what can we say. Hey, I give you something” she pointed as she sat down “since he did that, the population of men in Europe have bought Fenty Skin, so we are happy, the rise in men buying the skin care and to see the power that boy has overseas, it’s crazy, he is very popular there” nodding my head “yeah, it’s a different ball game there for him I think, he is hounded in a different way more then over here, I don’t know. I told him that maybe he needs to collab with a big American artist, he said he will, but he doesn’t so whatever” I shrugged “what do I know, but this office is cute. It’s weird being here” my mom made her way over “it is, like I feel so old because I remember the little girl that would be running around, when all this was being built, when all this was being made you was young and you would be up and down here, getting candy from people. Telling people who you are” my mom chuckled “and she said I will be your boss, remember” I rolled my eyes “I mean, that was short lived huh” I giggled “never too late, but you been very busy so thank you for coming” I sighed out “I didn’t think I was going to be, that vogue issue came out and that was it, management calling me go here and there, it’s been well but busy. Are you excited for the premiere?” my mom grinned “to have all my kids on the red carpet and the additions to it, yes I am. I mean minus Imani, but I am excited” Imani is annoying my life.

I have really been just around everywhere; it’s been just me and Tion for a few days now. Wake up and leave and come back late. I have been speaking to Oakley, but we haven’t spent that time together, he’s been ok because my family have been there and around, Damson too so he is entertained “mommy” Aziel said waving at me “morning baby, how are you?” he made his way over to me “where is your top gone” he smiled “I like it” side eyeing him “look, it’s batman” acting all surprised “wow, that is amazing. That’s his car, I love it baby. You go and play” I said to him, I have no idea why that boy is even topless “decided to join us, I mean you should be glad we made extras” looking around to the kitchen “where is he?” I pointed “outside, I am going to call him in, we made breakfast for you all, because we nice like that” making my way to the kitchen to sit down “aww thank you, the both of you. Also Ti, I know you have been taking care of Aziel for me” Ti smiled as she walked off “well it’s a big day today, and we are happy everyone is home, I think it’s a great joy” Damson is sweet “you are really a good person, to my sister” he laughed “I am ok, I mean we are like any other couple, but we have that spark, that love. I mean did I say love, but we have that. You know what I mean” smiling at him “I do, can you talk that into Oakley” he laughed out walking off “I get that a lot” looking over at Oakley, he made his way over to me “little miss busy and that” smiling at him “I know, I miss you” he pressed a kiss to my forehead as he sat down, I thought he would be annoyed with me “your dad makes me laugh, he an old man but just chilling and vibing to life” he sat next to me “my dad will never grow up, I miss you too” leaning over to him and pressing a kiss to his lips “I felt you come to bed last night though, I heard you groan out seeing Aziel in bed” I chuckled “yeah I was mad, like not him again I took him out of the bed straight off” I spat.

I am impressed with this breakfast “so, we are all sat here. You both better be coming to the party, don’t be boring now” Ti pointed at us both “this is the boring one, not me. He makes me boring” Oakley smiled “I said I will come; we discussed this already Tianna. I said I will come, it’s good vibes. Handsome man will be there” Oakley pointed, Damson laughed “shut the fuck up, handsome man. You can talk you pretty lesbian” Oakley snorted laughing “fuck you bro” they are both giggling “you piss me off, he out there trying to forget history. This pretty girl over there had the longest fucking hair, like bro cut it” Damson pointed “remember someone said are you a female?” they both sniggered “my voice didn’t break, my voice was squeaking, and she goes young person, can you help with this. So I did, and she goes thank you, I said it’s ok, then she turned to me and goes are you a female? I swear I was so mad, but like my voice didn’t break, I was like fourteen and squeaking like a bitch, then it broke and now it’s this. Deep as shit” Damson can’t stop laughing “you came into school that one day with a deep voice, then you switched. You switched onto shit; you flexed that shit so bad too” these two get on so well “you think you would crush on Oakley if he was in school?” Damson asked, looking at him “I have seen his school pictures and erm, I don’t think so” I laughed putting my hand over my mouth “that is deep you know!” Ti chuckled “I am sorry, but you looked like an average white boy, I don’t blame her, I mean even with Damson. He looked not good” least Ti is on my side with this “she goes oh no, this person is not you and I goes you only liked light skinned men! Be quiet” Damson spat “she will learn that I am the most handsome” shaking my head “they went to some celebrity school and learnt nothing” I gasped “Damson!” he is so rude “I am used to it, he does this a lot. He said we went to fake school” Ti waved him off “I am teasing, my bad but yeah, life is weird because in real terms I don’t think either of us would date each other” I pulled a face “he liked snow bunnies let’s not” rolling my eyes “that’s because he’s a white baddie” Damson got jokes “man shut up!” Oakley spat “I am joking” shaking my head.

To see us all done up, to see us go out together as a family. Oakley not dressed in something that isn’t a tech fleece or hoodies. I mean he refuses to wear anything suit related, but he will do anything, I am excited to see him in a suit for the wedding day, I might get emotional. I just know he will look so handsome “I love this look, Jah did you good. This little set up, he made us match” I am showing a little leg, Oakley eyes lit up “you look amazing” I pointed at him “so do you, look at this little jean and top set up, and the hair. You come to serve the bitches” he laughed “nah just you, I am happy with this, like that guy. Jah or whatever he said, we know your fussy. I looked hard but we have these three tops, and they all designer and I saw this sweatshirt, you know I love a good one and I got it so you happy with it” he asked me “I am happy Oakley, I love it. We look good and look at my Aziel” he is so into playing with his Batman toy “yeah, we look good. The car is outside though. They both gone already of course. Aziel come, let’s go!” Oakley said to him, I am super proud of my little family, we look amazing “we about to show out” I beamed “we are, I am happy” I cooed out, I love when he is happy, I think he is enjoying himself here, for once.

I am letting Oakley take the lead with this, I don’t want to be the one taking over when he is capable of doing it and I don’t want to be the one controlling it all “awww” I cooed out, Oakley fixed my dress once I got out “just under your feet, well heel” he said as he stood back “thank you babe” I smiled, they are all shouting a lot because my mother also came out and they are all seeing us together for once “I’m going to go on with Damson and then you come” Ti ran ahead of me “come here” holding Aziel helping him get out “you look so handsome baby” he jumped off the step, he’s in a good mood “we going to go to your mom” Oakley asked “yeah, let’s go” I pointed, letting Oakley walk ahead as I held Aziel hand as we made our way to my family “I was so confused, some white man walking to us” my dad plays too much “shut up” my dad and him dapped each other “you look so cute, Rylee I love it. Jah did you all good” I grinned “he did, thank you Jah” I said to him but he waved me off “don’t thank me, you look beautiful. A beautiful family” I am so happy “do you want to start walking to the carpet” the guy came over to us “let’s go” I said to him, Oakley looked a little confused but then he held my hand, and I held Aziel hand walking onto the carpet. I am so immune to the shouting now; I have no idea what they be saying but it’s whatever” turning around to the cameras “congratulaitons on the engagement!” I smiled “over here! Look over here!” I sighed out, bringing Aziel forward “beautiful! Beautiful! Central Cee! Kiss her cheek!” This is not him at all, he hates all this shit. Looking over at him “what” he said to me “ignore them” I laughed, he is smiling but is confused “kiss her cheek!” Why they keep shouting that, Oakley pulled my hand and bought me closer, he did kiss my cheek and I just smiled so wide “awww” they all said, I sighed out and I blushed because that’s cute of him to do that “Rihanna!!” Oh here comes my mother “move along” I said to him, Damson and my sister are waiting “my guy!! Red carpet thing” they dapped each other, they are happy which makes me happy, I just want Oakley to be happy really and comfortable and he is “looking like a beautiful ass family girl” Ti said which made me smile, to get these kind of compliments, it’s a boost because the disrespect I got from Vogue made me mad even though it got scrapped the party on what they said about, I don’t care for all that.

I like to know what Oakley is doing and he’s speaking to press, not like him at all and he’s laughing so it’s a plus for me, making my way over to him “yeah, yeah. Here she is” he pointed “here I am, what is this?” I laughed “we was asking him what made him love you, you know we love to see a love story, so we asked him what made him fall in love. And would you like to know his answer” looking at Oakley “yes I will actually, I need to know” he is red “he said her spirit, the thing that made me fall for Lee was seeing how selfless she can be, she has been through tough times and I see that for myself, we had our ups and downs but she has a good heart and loved a broken man” poking my bottom lip out “I love you” I said to him “stop it” he chuckled putting his head down “awwww he’s shy now, but what made you fall for him, you know we nosey over here. We need the information “my husband to be, he’s a very private man. The thing you don’t see publicly is how loving he is, how he does care, he does love me. He loves me for who I am, not my background and the beauty I mean that was a bonus for him” Oakley laughed out “yeah yeah, she know she bad” Oakley agreed “well Rylee, you have chosen a very nice gentleman, and thank you for the interview Central Cee” I smiled as we walked off “an interview, look at you. Cutie” he put his arm around me “it’s alright, they grabbed me. Cool though, they asked me about music and stuff like they didn’t belittle me” I poked my lips out “don’t say that, nobody belittles you” I just froze seeing North, she can’t be here. Is that really her and Saint, I just stared at them “what is it?” He asked, I am just staring at her, and he is walking towards me “erm” I just said “wow, you’re here” Oakley let out an oh, I haven’t seen North in so long, even P is here “Rylee, wow” she said, “you look like a grown woman” North laughed “thank you, you look well” Oakley held my hand “yeah we need to go somewhere” he lied “see you around” smiling at her, I know Oakley will not want me near her at all. He disliked North for so long and now she is here, it’s a weird feeling, a bittersweet one because she is, well was a best friend of mine “I ain’t know she was coming” Oakley said “same” I sighed out, that is so awkward.

I am loving life, this whole night and event is what I needed, and I’ve had the most enjoyment seeing Oakley have a good time too, I am happy that Damson is here with us and with Tianna because he pushes him to get out there “I am not young anymore, I’m going now. Because I got word that Amelia and Aziel aren’t doing well, but it’s ok. You relax, you have a good time. I got it and your dad will be here so have fun” I laughed, he is dancing away my dad “look at him but thank you mom, are you ok to have him tell tomorrow” she waved me off, her way of saying shut up to me. Let me go and find my man, I can get him to do a little moving on the dancefloor since he is in a good mood “Rylee” that voice alone made me freeze, not Saint “leave me alone” I looked towards him “I just wanted to say you look mighty fine” North rushed over “move” she said to him, after everything “sorry” North said walking over to me “it’s fine” I just said “Rylee, don’t walk away please” she knew I was about to run “we have been friends for far too long, in diapers. Come on, give me that time” taking in a deep breath “we have been through so much, I miss your friendship so much. I have seen that you are engaged, and you are on a different path in life, you are at a point of being someone’s wife, I am happy for you, but I also know you my friend. I know that you can do so much better Rylee, just because you had a baby by him does not mean you needed to stay with a man below you, god bless he beat cancer, but you didn’t need too, you loved him as a teenager, we all have our first love, you settled because you are too scared to be with others. I am sad you never got to live life Rylee, Oakley may not have been bad to you like Saint, but he knows he has you” shaking my head “living life isn’t going to city to city, meeting different men, smoking weed in the club. It’s nothing, life is when I see my son happy, that is life. I am not strung up at home North, I am always in different cities. I am not depressed or unhappy, I think you are. You are unhappy that you lost me, and I am not in the position you are in, looking for a man to love you. I am going to be someone’s wife, to a guy everyone doubts, I wish you was more of a friend to me then one of my haters, and it does hurt me because I also miss you, I think back to everything we did together but one thing” she is going to make me cry “out of all this bullshit, I got my sister. And she is my most loyal friend, I may have lost you, but I have her, and North” I sniffled “I do wish you all the best, and I do think of you. I hope you find a man that loves you because deep down you have a good heart” she put her head down, why am I crying and why is she crying “she made you cry?” Oakley said out of nowhere “no, it’s nothing. We was just talking” I sniffled “let’s just move from here, come” I said moving him back “you stay away from her” Oakley said “leave it please, come” wiping my tears, I don’t know why I felt that to my core.

Hundred Twenty Three. Part 6

I thought I would take my daughters out for a meal; Chris is god knows where and Imani won’t answer me so I will take my two daughters, but I am unsure of Rylee if she is coming, she did say yes but she isn’t feeling well either, I am already out. I said to the girls I would meet them here, Chris won’t even answer me either so I am guessing they both may be together which wouldn’t shock me but good luck to her really, Chris has had enough of Imani shit, she has done nothing but hurt him. Chris adored Imani so much, he raised that girl from birth, and he had that bond but that is her own fault, I told Chris he can deal with that “look at you ten minutes late, not bad” I got up from the chair “exactly, not bad. Come here mom” Ti said, hugging my daughter “I know it’s last minute thing but just wanted to see you both, have a little food” moving back from the hug “I even asked Imani, but she didn’t answer me” Ti scoffed “good, Rylee wouldn’t have been happy with that anyways” letting out an oh, she has a point there really “is she coming or not? I am beginning to get a little hungry too” Ti cooed out “she said she is, she is getting ready, so she says. I mean she just found that out too, I don’t know if she did, but I called her before I came in and she said she is getting ready, and Aziel was playing up I think but we can get starters, she said she wasn’t really eating, she just wanted to come for the company and that is it” might as well order then “ok, we can order. What did Damson say when you said you was coming here?” Ti giggled “oh he said what? But we going to eat I said look this what happened with Rylee, he understood, he goes I will message Oakley. He did and Oakley just told him he got some issue and call him later, I am like I don’t know what issue but ok” Ti shrugged “how are you and Dason, you both so Zen” Ti grinned “we are, it’s always vibes with us, like we can’t wait to go back to LA. And to just really be more public with us” I smiled so wide “you both are couple goals you know that, like you have peaked with him. You both compliment each other so much and because of how mysterious you both are, people want more. Damson seems to fit in so well, I like him a lot. He is the least of the troubles anyways” he is a good guy “I am super happy for you Ti, I am glad my daughters are finding good men” Tianna cooed out “Rylee always says, Oakley got you a good man, look what I am with” I cringed “I said it to Damson, and he goes oh he was normal, his lifestyle made him just so dense, but she got to stop saying that when we are together, it’s rude” shaking my head.

I should have ordered more starters, I am hungry. I need the mains out already “mom you stressed?” Ti asked, “how so?” I laughed “you eating more, like you rarely complain about being this hungry” I sighed out “honestly, it’s stressful when your kids grow up. I get scared for you girls, Imani just everywhere. The younger three are a breeze but I go to sleep and pray, I wake up and pray for you girls. I want the best for you all. Now Imani, I am feeling it. And then now Rylee with this, just headache. But I am so happy for you, Damson just integrates into the family so well, he gets on with us all. How is his family with you? How many times have you seen them?” I asked “a few times now, I went out with some food with his mom alone, she has my number. She loves me a lot” I cooed out “a good mother in law” I pointed “mom stop!” Ti yelped out “she is here” I pointed; Rylee is walking over like she was dragged out “you said she was getting dressed?” Ti looked behind her “I did too, what happened?” she is in sweatpants and a hoodie “oh I cried before I came, had a meltdown and just came like this” she sat down and took her shades off “why?” I questioned “because Aziel just annoyed me, the child just doing everything wrong. He thinks everything is a joke, went into his room he wanted some sneakers I put away that his dad got him, he pulled every single sneaker out all on the floor, I shouted at him, he shouted at me, and I got mad saying how dare you shout at me, he banged the door. Called Oakley yeah, saying look your son is doing this, he said I am busy, heard dad in the background so I just had a meltdown and put the phone down, Grace came to the house eventually to babysit and she cleaned it up but that wasn’t the point, so yeah I am here now” Ti and I just looked at each other.

My daughter having cocktails, she is stressed out “so the premiere of Snowfall, I hope we all get VIP?” Ti giggled “you know what, I enjoyed acting. The whole set up, the whole scenario. You know how joyful it was to act alongside your man, the bonding, the jokes. Getting to see his friends, it was just the best thing. We got to bond too and then there is” she laughed “a sex scene” I gasped “mind you we haven’t had sex at that point, like it took us time to get to that point, we was making out and all that. We had to do that scene and erm” she laughed “we did the scene, and everyone was saying these two already been doing it, this is why Ti was so natural, I am like huh nah. But yeah, it was kind of funny to see. I am excited for you all to see” the excitement is making me happy “I can’t wait, what about living arrangements for you both?” I asked “well I am going to stay at Rylee home and then he said we go apartment hunting, he mentioned it not me, I said I am going to Rylee home, didn’t want to mention it but yeah. I will be in LA still, two homes. London and LA, main base in LA but we just are so perfect, he is what I want” I smiled “this makes me so happy, you both make me so happy. You deserve it” holding her hand “thank you, and really Oakley, like he really pulled through” nodding my head “he can pull through for everyone but me though” looking at Rylee “you know what, you all say he is good. I am not saying he is fucking bad, but he is so hard, he is hard fucking work. If it was up to him he would do nothing, he wouldn’t even do a thing, he does things because he loves me but it’s hard too, I have to ask him, I have to say you’re coming to this event, yeah for you. Or I may not come, I don’t do that shit. When I am doing fashion work, or walking the runway, if I don’t ask him he doesn’t come, why can’t he surprise me. When he did what he did to get engaged I was so shocked, he doesn’t do anything for anyone! I cried so much because yeah he did it but also he made that effort that I doubt he will want to do. I appreciate it but I want to not make him do things either, it’s tiring and now Chasing that bastard brother, why!” she spat.

She is so mad, and I get it “Rylee, your dad was hard work too. I am telling you men are, ok some girls get it easy but men are hard work and annoying and they always think they do nothing, that is the point, you’re doing nothing, do something. I understand Rylee I do” she is mad “Taylan was the same, but he was more manipulative with it. Oakley isn’t, he is just set in his ways. He will do it but on his terms, for him to do what he does for you he cares. I get it’s hard, but I do see he loves you; he really does. He is distracted yes, dad being with him is helping him, we all see he is distracted” Ti said to Rylee “why can’t he just act like he cares more” she shook her head “he does care, just doesn’t show it. Ok in private what is he like? You tell us?” Ti pointed “like a baby, like so loving. He just wants to be little spoon; he is all over me like a baby. He loves that touch, and that love but I wish he made more effort, he does it on his terms and it annoys me a lot of the times. I get he is in that grieving period still, I am trying with his mom so I can break him down to come closer, but he just runs to his apartment, and I can’t see what he is doing, you’re my fiancé, I know you’re not sleeping, or doing the right things. I don’t know what he wants and it’s all these years!” she spat “he wants you, but I think you need to accept how he is more. The more you accept that, once you marry him you can manipulate to your standards, your dad settled. I just think Oakley is the calm version of your dad, he made the biggest step and that was to want to marry you, so he cares. But yeah, he should be here because you just lost a baby too” Rylee shook her head as a sob left her lips “I am so scared to have another, and he is useless? Like yeah ok he was there but he wasn’t there at the same time, he always left, and I wanted him there. I just don’t know” this hurts me “see this hurts me” I said “like I want to slap him, stop crying” it is making me mad that she is now.

Hearing these two stories makes me happy that I am far from this; I wonder if this is how my mother felt with me and all the drama that be happening, I can’t lie but hearing all this makes me hate men but was Chris any different, he really wasn’t, he was a pain in the ass and was so bad “I like Damson so much, like he’s a good man. How did he even become friends with some like Oakley, can he not put sense into him” Rylee asked “no he can’t, I did ask because like I was saying to him Oakley does give the least at times and little things he thinks are big, he doesn’t get that yeah you’re marrying my sister, but things need to happen more, take her out more. He goes not my issue, I get that but like I was thinking one time about you Rylee, I feel like you should have tried others. There is billions of men out there and you may have found another that would praise you, love you like you want” that is a good question “those billions aren’t Oakley, I can complain about him, but he is him. He does make me happy, but they aren’t him. I love him” poking my lips out “but men are men they aren’t perfect, we always going to complain” I laughed “yeah like Damson isn’t perfect, oh he is bad at texting. And we have argued about it, he says but we talk. But I want a goodnight text? Don’t I deserve it” Rylee laughed “Oakley is bad too, maybe it’s a London thing, I sent him a cute picture of me. He put that’s hard, I was like your dick? He goes no, the picture, he is so dry” I love seeing Ti and Rylee and how far they have come “Oakley is dry though that doesn’t shock me, I feel he is boring in bed too? Oh damson is, he’s vanilla” I chuckled “alright girls” I don’t want to know that at all “Oakley is a devil, he is a good lover” I pulled a face “ok end it, what exactly are you going to do about this? You know when Jah met him, he came rushing over to me and said Rylee really like that guy? He’s kind of short, skinny and he’s special in the face, there is models that would sweep her off her feet” Rylee gasped “he said that? What is wrong with Oakley? He’s the most handsome to me” Ti cooed out “Rylee you always been in love with him, he speaks and you’re there” Ti pushed her “but I am mad with him” I sighed out “right, I am going to go to the bathroom, be back” making my way to the bathroom and pressing the phone to my ear as I did, I am calling Chris I know he is with Oakley “twin” he answered “do me a favour, can you tell Oakley to pull his finger out of his ass, just like make some time with Rylee, I don’t know how you do it, make it happen. Please” Chris can deal with that “hmm ok, I will” he disconnected the call.

Frowning at Aziel “I heard you have been giving my daughter a hard time” I said to him “no” he said to me but acting all cute “don’t look at me like that, I am here now. Did you do your homework” he nodded his head “he didn’t” Grace laughed “you lied to me?” he ran off “mommy she mean” he ran to his mom “he is lucky I let him off, the spoilt brat” how dare he run to his mom like that “daddy” looking behind me, oh he has come with Chris “alright son” Oakley picked him up “you had a good meal?” Chris asked “I did thank you” grabbing his hand and walked backwards smiling “how?” I said in a whisper “I didn’t say much really, I just said you want to see Aziel and that. And then when we pulled up I said look my wife wanted you here and that something you need to just see Rylee, I told him that he needs to take it. Women are hard work” rolling my eyes “we literally just had a men hating session, I think you are the hard work not us but you needed to tell him he needs to speak to her, sort this shit out you know” Chris rubbed his chin “hard thing; he said that she needs to apologise” rolling my eyes “you just love to see me work, right. Oakley!” I said making my way over to him “where is she gone?” I asked, Rylee has ran off now.

Hundred Twenty One.

To keep this secret to myself is hard, having to keep my ring in my jewellery box is hard, to just be normal is hard because I really want to say it, I want to tell the world that I am engaged, that I am worth something. That a guy did want me for me, for every man that just saw me as Rihanna daughter, to every guy that just assumed I was a whore, I am being wifed up and I am so happy. I have cried tears of joy in the hotel in Italy but having to be quiet about this has been so hard for me because I am happy. I just feel I am entering a new chapter in my life; I just can’t wait to tell the world because men haven’t been kind to me and they never saw me as wife material just because they couldn’t have me but it’s over, I am going to be married and it will be for life, and it’s with a man I want, I am happy, I haven’t stopped smiling since “your home is full, Jesus” Ti said, “is Damson here?” I asked “he is, he’s talking to some of the family, and I thought I would come here and see you, how was Italy? Hey Emi, you playing with makeup brushes again?” I rolled my eyes “she has been playing in my makeup, they new anyways so she is pretending, how are you? And how was Scotland? Some little time away and that” hugging her “it was so good, nice to have peace. Nobody harassed us, people there were lovely but then we had to come back to reality, he is going back soon, so that means so am I” I pulled a face “you’re joking, stay” she laughed “I know, as much as we have the best times, I think you know. I need to be there for a while, but you need to be there for the red carpet event for Snowfall and I am not even joking with you” she pointed “oh I promise I will be there; my house is full I know. People are confused why, my mom said why did you invite Momo, I said why the hell not, Imani is here too, I wanted to slap her but hey, whatever” I shrugged “yeah I saw her, she is so smug. But dad is next to her, but I just came here, how do you feel though? Like nobody actually knows besides me and Damson in this home, how do you actually feel? You are going to be a wife, like this is crazy?” I giggled “good, I was in Italy, and I was laying in bed just thinking and I cried, tears of joy but I just feel like this is a new chapter, mind you I haven’t seen Oakley since, like he called me and all that, but he is busy with something, I don’t know but he is coming, he has the footage, so he has too” I went silent as there is a knock on the door “who is it!?” I asked “dad” I cringed “he hasn’t really spoken to me since, yeah come in!” I spat; Ti side eyed me “I came for Emi but just also you know see Rylee but you’re here too” my dad came in.

Emi is cute, as she grows she is getting cuter “she is hanging with mom too much, she loves my bedroom. She is pretending to put makeup on and talk to herself, she is doing a Fenty tutorial, you see my IG story? I put her up, it’s so funny” she is still on it too “yeah she is always with Robyn and watching her do it but erm yeah, how are you girls?” my dad asked, me and Ti looked at each other “I think we have both become so close, I love having Tianna here. Damson is hilarious and yeah, we all get on over here” Tianna nodded her head “I am happy, I just want to say I am proud of you both with how far you have both come, I am so proud you know that” smiling at him “thank you” Ti said “and I know that you feel I am soft on Imani, maybe I am but I find it hard to you know tell her off, her emotions are so disconnected so it’s hard to just tell her off, and yeah. Mom and I are bringing her home, I know we were hard on you both. I have many regrets” what exactly did Oakley say to my dad “well how is she going to learn?” I questioned “she is still messaging Juke, what do you want me to say” my mouth fell open “so yeah, it’s a losing game girls. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep beating people up, or doing this, it’s not on anymore. I guess we have to let her make her mistakes don’t we but within reason, we are going to keep her close, including money wise, it’s going to be in the shared account me and mom hold so we know what she spends it on. But I want you girls to always be close, I am happy for you both because you have both got so far, and I guess with age, it happens” he said, “what did Oakley say to you?” I am so curious now “he gave me different vibes, like he didn’t speak down to me, but he just told me how it is, he told me you know. I guess that, how fucked I have been with you Rylee, particularly you are of course. And I hate that will always be there but it’s a moment that happened, and you was pregnant, he didn’t say anything wrong though but yeah, I better go down. I am so confused why the Barbados crew are here” I laughed “and your mom dad” he pulled a face “I wanted peace, you bought me pain” I chuckled “nah I love it really, see you both down” my dad walked off.

My dad took Emi with him “wow” Ti said “what did Oakley do really? Dad seems sad and I hate to see dad sad” I cringed “I will have to speak to him when I see him, I told you I haven’t seen him with my own two eyes yet, I said I wanted him and dad to make up but now it seems like he is made him sad but yeah, I think he may have bought up the past” I huffed out “well Imani has got the easy way out, why the fuck is she obsessed with Juke!?” Ti spat “good question, but I think it may be to do with him taking her virginity too, I can’t have Juke in the family. As much as Oakley loves him, I need him back with Sky. I may need to pull a mom” Ti laughed sitting down “but I support this, I think you need too though” tapping on Oakley name and putting him on speaker “I need to know what he is doing” I sighed out “babe” Ti chuckled “don’t babe me, where are you?” I asked “I am in the car with my people, I mean like I was gathering my people you know that. I am coming, be about half hour? Or is that not good enough” I chuckled “I mean it is but just miss your face, call me when you park up. I want to see you first, my own two eyes first please” Oakley laughed “alright, yeah. I will call you, I am in the car so I will see you soon” Ti gagged, I kicked her leg “bye” disconnecting the call “gag fest” she said, “I bet you was doing a lot of gagging in Scotland, shut the fuck up” Ti gasped “you really won with Damson though, like he is so loveable and hilarious” Ti grinned “I am so happy, forever grateful to Oakley. Damson was saying Oakley wasn’t a bad guy, him being kicked out of his own house while in school, at a young age that did it to him but then his parents never took blame for that, it’s a shame but I never said Oakley was a bad guy, you can see it but yeah. I am happy for you both, me and Damson was saying that how perfect it was for you both, that is more you two then a holiday engagement” she is right really, I think the whole moment was perfect.

I know my mom is so confused on why the family are all here, this is something she wasn’t expecting but I said I missed them, I don’t really I just want to do this with most of my family here “Rylee I was just showing Mel, the outtakes from Oakley video shoot, he is a real character that man of yours” walking over to her “what did he do now” I have to laugh because Oakley can be stupid “just watch this” she pressed play “my eyes hurt you know” he said with his eyes shut “did you wash you face or your eyeballs” my mom came into the shot and wiped his eyes for him “you are so silly, what are you like” I squinted my eyes “why is he topless?” I questioned “because it’s a morning routine Rylee, oh please” I scoffed “don’t oh please me mom. The fans girls are going to love this” which is true, answering Oakley call “oh she is getting a little overprotective of her man now” I laughed at Mel saying that “as you asked, I am outside now” I knew it “yes” putting the phone down, I have not seen him since because we was supposed to meet and then something came up, something always comes up when it comes to us, but I am excited to see him. Stepping outside and I see a whole lot of cars, he has bought everyone along “who is the wheelchair for?” I pointed Wadz laughed “Juke” letting out an oh, I mean that is his family “what a nice fucking house you got here” Slawn said peeping my home “oh thank you” seeing Oakley, I gasped “flowers!?” I spat “I went to put petrol in that is all” he is such a liar, hugging him “stop it! You got them for me, awww lovey, thank you” pressing a kiss to his lips “well I got it for you init, who else. I got the gang together, the boys. Walid is going to do some video thing so yeah, we on it. Just you know, we doing this” there is so many boys here, this is crazy “Wyge is here too!” I had to announce, “who let him here?” Clint spat “my best friend please, can we all just like each other for the get together” I didn’t expect this “I am so happy for you” Rachel said “aww god, yeah, thank you. It’s been a battle, but nobody knows, so just keep it to us” she hugged me “aww” I cooed out.

My family mouth fell open, like there is so many boys, like loads and I mean ok what the fuck, he never mentioned this, his family is his mom and brother, but what is this, but I won’t say a thing “fucking hell, I have not seen this type of gang in a while” Damson said, Momo is in a state already I can see it “what is this?” my dad asked “erm” I just said “I am shooting a music video” Oakley came up from behind me “that” I said “just in general though, like everything” my dad looked at Juke and everyone in the room did, as did my uncles “I don’t know, Lee said I could use the house” my dad is suspicious “it’s a family home” my dad added “it’s my home, just let’s get drinks, yay. Drinks” diverting Oakley outside “yeah come, let’s go” grabbing his arm “what the fuck? You invited all of west London?” I said “this is my people; this is your family. This is mine, I wanted them here, is it a bad thing? Your family takes half the home but it’s ok?” shaking my head “I just wasn’t expecting it, that is all. It’s fine, put your chest back in, what is wrong?” he has his chest pumped out ready for a fight “just people init, volatile, I want them here that is all. I seen the way they looked at my family, just shit” nodding my head “they did the same to my dad, it’s fine. It happens, just let’s have a good day, come on. I missed you; nobody is fighting here. I have my family and you have yours yeah?” he nodded his head “ok?” I don’t want him to feel like that “yeah” he smiled “Aziel is outside with his cousins so you will catch him there, it’s a good day for us” he nodded his head “it is, I love you” he wrapped his arms around me, this is a very on edge and for what.

From the living area, we have the doors fully open to see outside and the split in families besides my mom and dad, they are mingling with that side, I like it, they are trying, and I want that. My dad feels bad about Oakley, so he is there, my mom is speaking to his mom, and I am glad they are, but my mom family are just not happy “why did you bring us all here niece?” Rorrey asked “because I sometimes miss you and I knew mom would be here” a made up lie “you think it was good to have this mess, to showcase this? Imani is here, and she is trying to get over what he did, do you not care about that?” I laughed “no I don’t, I don’t care about Imani, you right. This is about me, and if she didn’t want to come she could have stayed at home” I stared at her “not my fault you’re chasing half a man” putting a finger up at her “half a man, you’re chasing someone that don’t want you, go and wheel him around if you’re so tough” I scoffed “I can and I will if I want” I sniggered “oh here she goes with her delusions, you have become such a bitch! I ain’t fucking forgiven you for trying to fuck up my relationship! Oh you think I forgot?” now I am mad after I told him to not be bad “who fucking cares about the redundant two, I showed him what you said, how is that my fault” I don’t have it in me to stay calm “Rylee!” Ti spat but before she could even just try and calm me I threw my phone which hit her right on her forehead “you stupid fucking bitch! You think I forgot, I have you in my house and I forgot!? You think your clever” Ti pleaded with me “give my phone back”  I shouted, “I am glad it was the edge, cry!” Ti went over to get my phone “why did you do that?” my dad said, “because I can, she is in my home” Oakley came in after my dad “what’s happened?” he asked me “I might have thrown my phone at Imani, she is crying” I said, “why did you fucking do that for!?” my dad spat “you can’t fucking invite people and do that fucking shit!” my dad hollered “I told that bitch I would get her! And I did, go and wipe her fucking tears dad, go on!” I pointed, Oakley turned around “Lee, leave it” he said but he wasn’t looking at me “you deal with yours, I deal with mine” Oakley said “but the point is she deserves it” Oakley just pulled me along.

Oakley took me outside “are you mad with me? You seem mad with me?” I asked, he shook his head “nah, just ain’t worth it, that is what I wanted to say. You telling me to relax, and to not start shit and look at you” he laughed “I know but I don’t forget, you called me a dickhead over that, I didn’t exactly invite her to beat her but like she spoke to me, just her trying to be fucking clever made me mad, but I knew I wouldn’t get to her so I used my phone” Oakley is laughing “just leave it now, you can stay with me, being dense. The fact you was looking at me when you was the secret one to be mad” he put his arm around me “just a lot of things was annoying me that is all, what is Walid doing?” he is filming “for the video we going to put on social, it will be the reaction to this, just wait on my boy, he is good” Ti rushed over to me “what the fuck happened there” she said “literally what you saw, she shouldn’t have pissed me off really” she cringed “dad was like why did Oakley say I deal with mine, that is my daughter so I came out here, look can we not make things heated, we need to relax it” my dad is coming now “I wish you girls wouldn’t argue and fight like this” he said “these men acting like bamboons!” my ears perked up “oh god, she will always be miserable until death” my dad said “I can peep” Oakley mumbled “she don’t like loud noise and men, fuck my life but really, did we have to like fight like that?” my dad turned back around to me “she was wrong, you know it” Ti went over to Momo “you want to go back inside” she said “you want to dance mama?” Clint said to Momo “I will hit you” Oakley huffed and then pressed a kiss to the top of my head “relax ok, leave her now” nodding my head “come” Oakley hit my dad shoulder, I frowned as they both walked off together, I wonder why he did that.

Hundred Nineteen. Part 2

I feel like I have completed life, I feel so complete in a weird way, like I have accomplished something, like I reached my end goal. I am so happy, I am going to marry Rylee, I will be a married man. I never in my life thought I would be married, this is shocking to me because I never dreamed of walking down the aisle, even wearing a suit for my own wedding, I never wear a suit anyways so this will be a first. I have done something good in my life, I have done numbers in the music industry but this, this is mine. This is something for me, I have done this for me, when I was making it in the rap game I did it for my family, I wanted to show them I can do it but this is different, I did this for me, for my happiness, I am so happy “you look so happy” Wadz made his way over to me “I did it, I am shocked. I didn’t expect this to happen, me being married, did you ever think?” He shook his head “nah, I never saw you as a guy that would want marriage, but you love bro. You’re in love, and I hope I one day get to feel that, I don’t know what it is. All I see is that is drove you crazy bro, you been through a lot. And the pain, I feel like it’s the worst pain to go through” I chuckled “it’s happiness though, I am happy. I feel it’s a dream, I personally wasn’t expecting me to be in this position, like with everything. People just talking shit, from when she came to London, I still remember it now. She came to Heathrow, and I was like wow, just then to now, I am happy. It’s my time, I ain’t say much. Like I keep it quiet but it’s my time, I did this shit for my boys, for my family. But this, this is me. I did this for me” my voice broke “I’m alright, just it’s been hard. But yeah” I sighed out “I can’t wait to marry her, be back in the house properly, I need it. I miss her” Rylee made her way over to me “have you seen the state of me, this is all your fault” her make up is a mess “I ain’t saying a thing” I grinned “ass” holding her hand “what you saying though, coming back to mine” I tried to not laugh, Wadz ended up laughing “oh we waiting for wedding night” I groaned out “I will drag you to the alter, I swear. By 10am tomorrow we will be married” I pointed “nah Walid, you ain’t recording that” I laughed “this guy, it’s done! Stop!” I spat “bro, we need the funny parts” I shook my head “you coming to mine then” she smirked, leaning into me “I will kill you if you make me pregnant and I am fat, I swear” wrapping my arms around her “I got you” I chuckled.

Smiling at Rylee half asleep still “look at you laying there waiting to be small spoon” I am happy “I am at the peak of life; I mean come on. That was a good night, come to bed. Quick” Rylee gave me a lot, I liked it “you know what made me happy out of all this” she climbed back into bed but sat up, with her back against the headboard, I just laid my head on her thigh “go on” I closed my eyes “that you wore a condom, like you listened to me, and I feel happy Oakley. Even if I did get caught you didn’t just do it, made me so happy” I smiled so wide because she’s playing with my hair “easy life babe, but also you right. We can wait” I did not want to hear Rylee speak on why I did it, and now she could be and ruin her time too so it’s calm “you planned the wedding day too?” She asked which made me laugh “I mean I could if you want but I will leave that to the ladies, but I just thought with this I would deal with it, I just want to make you happy” honest truth “I did think you was cheating on me you know” I lifted my head up frowning “because we wasn’t having sex!” Rolling my eyes placing my head back down “you drama you know” she is “but I am a woman, I think things but the way you did me. I know you was keeping that, all that pent up sex” I chuckled, oh she is rubbing my back “hmmmm keep doing it” I like it “so I have to keep this a secret? Being engaged, you know this ring is so pretty, looks expensive too. How much?” Of course she asked “expensive, you just answered it” I smiled “I think it’s very expensive and you know what, it’s beautiful. Thank you Oakley, like really. You make me so happy, but I will take it off, I don’t want to ruin the surprise, it’s a good idea” taking in a deep breath as I stretched out “believe you me this is a new chapter for me” I shuffled up on the bed “oh, I can’t wait for you to be my husband. Please can we just get on with it, like I don’t want to wait around. Please” nodding my head “I want to move back in too, trust me. I hate it here” pulling the covers up a little “naked white ass. Your butt is so white, it’s crazy” I grinned “what you doing after this?” I could chill with her “back home, and work. I have to fly out to Italy” letting out an oh “come with me” I shook my head “I have things here I need to do and Aziel boxing too” rubbing my chin “how about some food? I got time” I grinned so wide “awww lovey, you want me to stay. Ok, let’s do food” least she is doing that with me.

Walking up behind Rylee “you look amazing” Rylee side eyed me “I am wearing your clothes!? Sorry I cut the top for it to be cute” I shrugged “you can do what you like babe” I don’t even want her to go but it’s what it is “oh you not checked your phone? My mother sent me the pictures from your campaign that is going to drop for Fenty Skin, baby you look so handsome” I shook my head “nah, my number ain’t the same” Rylee rolled her eyes “of course but look at this, you need to start giving my family your number now” walking over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of the bed “look at my handsome, handsome man. A whole model” I chuckled as I took the phone from her “also my mother is doing it big with the campaign and she’s coming to the UK for you, she hasn’t shown the video, but this is the pictures” looking at the picture “this is cringe, oh man” I laughed “I look good though, I said to her let’s make it more road and she said no, just do it this way. Oh” I laughed “yeah she ain’t using that, why are you looking like that? Why can I see your dick print? Why are you topless” she sat on my lap “catering to the wider people, the ladies” I said, and I had to laugh because I know she won’t like that “don’t start! That cannot go on unless I’m there” I chuckled “but I look good, someone put oil on my body you know, then she called me skinny man. In that American accent” Rylee swatted me “now you have pissed me off” I have to laugh because she can be so dramatic “I love you babe” wrapping my arms around her waist “but you need to give my mother your number, it’s wrong. And” I groaned out “we can speak when you have food in your mouth” I just know what she is saying “is this what they mean by nagging wife” she got up from my lap “oh this is just the start” I shook my head laughing.

Opening the door for Rylee “my man, thank you to my man” shaking my head laughing, Rylee pressed a kiss to my lips “my husband now” closing the car door, locking it as I walked behind her “Central Cee, oh my god” I laughed seeing the two girls “hey, you good?” Trying to walk off at the same time “can we have a picture, please” I huffed out “you go inside, I’ll be two minutes” the girls both eyes widened “oh that is Rylee” nodding my head “yeah, yeah. Who’s taking the picture first” I pointed, the girl came over to me “we can take a selfie, I’ll do it. Then both done at the same time” I don’t want to be stood here any longer, holding the phone up taking the picture “I love you so much Cench” she hugged me “alright, thank you, thank you” passing the phone back “bro, Cench” waving at whoever that is “I need to go” I don’t be wanting to be taking picture all that time, walking into the eatery “I waited for you” I cooed out, Rylee grabbed my hand “follow me” the waiter said “waiting for me huh, you peep that girl hugging me like that? I was not expecting that at all” she took me by surprise “I bet you enjoyed it, talking about other girls and now look, I hate the way they say Central Cee, like it’s so slutty” I snorted laughing “slutty? Since when you saying that” the waiter stopped “is here ok?” she said “that will be fine, since hanging with Halle and Lillian” sitting down on the chair “oh yeah, Halle mentioned about you not accepting Wyge offer, she said it��s nasty and that you’re with me and at the end of the day you will there and around the baby, doesn’t make a difference. They would do the same for us, I said to her look it’s not that, that is their beef, leave it. We are ok” I shrugged “bro is a clown, and she can get off my fucking nuts about shit though, that kid ain’t got nothing to do with me. You know what that child about to have Fenty in it, that name will have it in lights Fenty owned but if we wanted to have godparents and be calculated about it you could get Beyoncé to do it, the fuck” Rylee gasped “you rude, but like you do know with getting married and that I will need to keep Fenty? It makes life easier in a way with things” nodding my head “I know what I am getting myself into, I don’t mind it, so will it work out like Fenty-Brown, you don’t even use Brown” I pointed “barely, Fenty holds so much power to the name so like you know that will be a thing? I don’t want you to hate me, or it” waving her off “Lee, I listen to you, I hear you, I know this. So it will work out different because mine is already double barrel?” that is confusing “I will be Caesar-Su but it will be like Fenty Caesar-Su. It will be weird, but I want to take your name, my mom still took my dad’ it’s only right, it sounds spicy too, like I have Chinese in me” I shook my head “you crazy” looking at the menu.

I know those people, well the group of people are fans, they just there recording and shit “do you feel different now? You’re my fiancé you know, like that is weird but I bet it’s even more weird to you” I shrugged “I feel whole, like I meant what I said, you really are the other half of me, you changed me in so many ways, you have shown me what I deserve, I just think yeah we need to just do it. So then I can move in with you, I am being stubborn. I want to do it the right way, all the way always. I ain’t ever seen a two parent home like that, I haven’t seen husband and wife, I don’t even know what a husband be doing, but I am going to do what I think is right, like I did this, I am just going to do it right” Rylee smiled, she is cute, and I can tell in her eyes it’s very much heart eyes “but like my dad?” I sighed out “I knew you was going to bring it up, I was waiting for it, it was there. Like I know you was saying I ain’t going to get involved but I know that it hurts you that we don’t talk and that we don’t fuck with each other like that, but your dad is the one that fucked it up” Rylee cringed “but I know he regrets it, I don’t want it. I love you both so much, if my dad does come to you, like let’s say he approaches you, will you talk to him?” nodding my head “I am not that bad of a person, just a hurt guy you know. But yeah, I will message your mom, I feel bad she doing this Fenty thing and I ain’t even being involved” Rylee shook her head “she sent it me and said I think your other half doesn’t care, I said he does, just being him” her family is hard work sometimes “yeah, but this Fenty thing, that commercial is hard, I want to see it” I am excited about that “you naked in it or something” she raised her eyebrow “have some shame Lee” shaking my head.

Stretching out in the chair “I am fed, I have had sex, now I am set. So you’re going Italy? Who taking care of Aziel?” I can guess who “my dad, this is why I wanted you and him to speak but like there is both of you being stubborn and I hate it but I will leave it now, but I am taking the ring off once we leave, I don’t want to ruin the surprise really. So I am going to do that, go to Italy for a few days be back but like you know, I want to just come back and then maybe plan. Start planning I mean for the wedding, but we can gather the parents and do the surprise but Oakley if you don’t want to see my dad or speak to him then I can get Ti drop him off” I shook my head “I ain’t scared of your dad, I will go” Rylee smiled “stop it, acting like big balls” I chuckled “I am just so in love with you Lee, like I ain’t scared to say it now. You changed me so much, I am sad you going and I already can’t wait to see you again. I ain’t in the trenches anymore, I did something for me” I smiled to myself “I did this for me and I am so happy Lee, thank you for being patient with me” she shook her head “thank you for giving me the chance, I wasn’t the best. And Oakley, you really make me so happy, I am wanting you to move in with me so badly but we will do it your way, this makes you happy, and that makes me happy” I am so in love with her “see you know I don’t play now, I will do it” I can see she trust me now, I been saying I would do it and I did.

Hundred Thirty Four.

Shaking Kylian bottle as I made my way back into the living room, it has taken a while for this baby of mine to get used to the time difference. I think he has suffered a lot really with it, but he is settled now, this has to be the easiest child for me “Damson pisses me off” Tianna came out of nowhere “random but why?” I am confused “because I fucking told him I want Nova here; we have been in London for so long. He said yes when my family go home, I want my daughter I don’t care about his damn family” letting out an oh “but why didn’t you bring her? This is what? Going on two week now, he needs to give it up and bring her now at this point, I get why you are mad but relax. He is just too excited to be a dad” Ti smiled “you right, I just miss her. I want her home that is all” she groaned out walking off, looking at Aziel, this boy hates being a big brother. Everything Kylian does he gets mad at but he does it, I think he adores him but hates him at the same time “Kylian stop it” he moved his gaming controller away from him “it’s not yours, you can’t snatch” my son has the purest British accent, like Oakley isn’t even pure British accent, it’s more gang but this boy has proper English book shit, I am like thinking he is going to be a posh boy “mom, he keep hitting it when I try and play” I laughed “yes and I am here now, I needed to make his milk that is all. Thank you for letting him sit with you” Aziel just stared at me “also it’s early, why are you playing that? You know I don’t like you playing game all day, this last one and turn it off” he huffed out moving his arm from around Kylian, in a weird way he will protect him but also can’t deal with him, and his brother finds him funny. As soon as Aziel shuffled away from him, he keeled over to the side and his head rested on Aziel arm “move him mom, please” I laughed “come here, I think your brother has had enough of you” picking him up “thank you” he huffed out “what happened to being the best big brother nephew!” Tianna sat next to Aziel “sometimes, but he is annoying” rolling my eyes “but Kylian loves you” sitting down on the couch across them.

Rubbing Kylian back, he is half asleep and now he can go down for a nap “I was saying to Damson, I think we need to have another. I don’t want the kids to have a big gap. Maybe when Nova is three I will” raising an eyebrow “don’t you want to enjoy Nova? A bit of peace” I am confused on why she would want that “I think it’s more so to get it out of the way too” I guess she is right “so another one?” I asked “just one more, that is it. I am content with a girl; you’re surrounded by boys, and I feel for you and also my god. Least I won’t get the reaction Aziel gave you” I snorted laughing “he was mad with me for a few days wasn’t he. When he came in with flowers and then he told me he didn’t want it. Yeah maybe keep it till she is three. Tell Damson to hurry up and bring her” I miss Nova, she is the sweetest “I know right but I think you should try for a girl” I laughed “I think so too, I said it to Oakley. Like I want a girl. I don’t know what is in his gene pool, but they have the best fucking hair, like my both sons have bundles, he has perfect hair. That gene hits anyways, but yeah I mean why not. I think one more and if it’s a girl then I will stop. I do want one more, that is it” Ti sighed out “Imagine you have just all boys, and that is it?” I cringed “then it is what it is, but Oakley has his mini me and I have mine” I laughed “you know what Kylian has that perfect baby look though, like you know they love those types of babies for advertisements” I chuckled “yeah, I was reluctant in having him on the billboards for Mamas and Papas in the UK. It’s cute” Tianna cackled “I can’t wait for them to go up, mom and dad would have seen him then” nodding my head “exactly, but it’s exciting. You want me to make you breakfast or?” I asked Oakley as he breezed by “I will have cereal” Aziel jumped off the couch to run after his dad “yeah I need a daughter” I laughed, boys are just all their dad, it’s rather lonely.

We are seeing my parents today, well my family which I am nervous about but to know Momo lives with them, she will have some things to say but she is very old now so I will have to accept it. She is fragile so Tianna said but I will have to just accept it. She cannot say anything about my kids when Rajad has some white ass kids his damn self, my uncle kids look fully white without an ounce of melanin, I don’t want to hear it but if she does I will keep quiet and take it “nervous?” Oakley asked me, I was going to ask him “erm, I am excited. A little nervous, what about you?” I mean he is coming with me “I am calm, I said it to Aziel, and he goes ok, that was it, but I am calm about it. I am there for you, I am not there for anything” he is doing it for me “I know you are Oakley, but we can only see how it goes really, I don’t think they will start anything. Maybe Momo but I think other than that no, but I wanted to ask. Has Juke done what I asked of him?” Oakley is confused “and what was that again?” rubbing his chin “oh the bedroom, oh yeah. He said he would do it, yeah I will ask him. He goes oh I can set that up for you while you both go, I don’t know if he can do anything, but I will, I guess Sky got him straight though. She will push him on it, crazy what a woman can do” I smiled “well yeah, I mean a man in love. They have to be in love” I pointed “yeah that, I am shocked they not blaming me for this” I have to laugh because they are “I corrected them” walking off “oh good, Aziel said to me earlier that dad, I am very proud of you. And I said huh, that is random, and he said I am dad, so random too. You think Aziel reaction will be positive with seeing them? He was very upset about not seeing them at the start” I shrugged “we will see” I am sure Aziel will be ok.

Looking behind me to check Tianna is coming out, Oakley is putting the car seat in, he can deal with that. He has been so quiet “you good?” Placing my hand on his shoulder “uhm yeah why” he moved back from the car seat “just asking, you seemed a little quiet really. Is it because we are going there?” He laughed “nah, nah. Not really, just you know me. My social battery dies after a while, but I’m good. It’s nothing big, I said to you that should I go or if you want me there” he closed the car door “who wants who there?” Ti said, “I just asked like if Lee wanted me to go, just she saying I am quiet, but I am tired; like just doing shit here. Like she knows I been out working” I know he does get like that “oh you come, at the end of the day you’re her husband now. It’s needed for you to be there. Just get on with it, I think maybe my sister is apprehensive with how this will all go, but I am there. Without my child, I am so sick that I don’t have her but we are all good now come on” my sister being positive “we are good, I just think Lee is worrying” his ass is blaming me of course, rolling my eyes “sure Oakley” walking around the car, I just don’t know how this will all pan out, in my heart I think it will be ok but I can’t be sure with things, I just don’t want to have an argument at all.

Being back at my parents home is a little scary to see, I don’t know really a lot has happened in this home, but I come here different now, I come here as someone wife so it’s different but the memories I have here is something. I am shocked they haven’t moved again ever; they have remained here since. The amount of times I have stormed out of the home because I didn’t like what my mother said or didn’t like what happened but it’s all well “let’s do it then” Oakley said, getting out of the car. We can all be positive, I am going there being positive, they can see the kids and I guess speak on things. Opening the door “I don’t want to be here” Aziel said, “why not?” I questioned “I want to go home” he mumbled “but we are here to see nana and papa, you know this. I told you that. Why don’t you want to be here? They are excited to see you” he shook his head “I want to go and see Beau and Jordan, I don’t want to see them” I huffed “well we are here, didn’t we speak on this? I told you that adult things happen and that this was never anything to do with you, this wasn’t your fault. It was me; it was my fault and I said one day we will heal. One day you may understand but right now you don’t. My mom and dad don’t hate you; they don’t even hate me. Life happened ok, it’s not your fault now get out of the car, come. They want to see you” he doesn’t want to really actually go in, he thinks that they didn’t want to see him. He Dragged himself out of the car “thank you” closing the door making my way around the car, Tianna smiled at me “weird being back right” I cringed “yes I am getting flashbacks when dad trashed your room” that was eventful to say the least that time, taking the car seat from Oakley “dad I want to go home” let him deal with Aziel, my mom came out of the house “you came” she said, nodding my head “wow, Rylee is here” Junior said “and you both have braces on, my god. Look at you both” Junior came over to me, he hugged me straight away “you left us!” he spat “I know” I mumbled “oh my god, Aziel” my mom said getting emotional “look at him, hello” she made her way over to him “give him a moment mom, he is a little sad about it” I said before she went to him.

Sitting down on the couch, Momo is very old. Like she is out of the door old, I am shocked she is even here in this house “who’s that child?” she is the same, her mouth that is. Aziel ran out of the room “what you doing?” Oakley asked but he pushed and pushed Oakley to leave out “Aziel” I shouted at him “I will take him outside for a moment” Oakley said, nodding my head “the trouble of the family is here Robbie” Momo said to my mom “she is here mom, I told you. Look at her” my mom pointed “yes trouble” I laughed “how? You just don’t like people being happy” rolling my eyes “can I see him?” Raihan pointed “yeah sure, he is asleep though” lifting the blanket up “he looks like Oakley” my brother said “white” I laughed “yes, he looks like Reishi too!” smiling at him “wake him up” shaking my head “I prefer he was asleep thanks” my mom came over “Raihan is right, he looks like Reishi. And he has his dad in him, his hair is so straight” my mom sat next to me “I am getting choked up here, my youngest grandchild. Why Rylee?” my mother asked me “mom you know why, I can’t explain what you already know, when would it ever stop where you don’t play games. I needed to break it off, you know this already. I wouldn’t have cut you off for nothing. If I did something so bad you think Ti would be around? She would say I am wrong” my mom looked away from me and got up, placing the blanket over the seat as my dad walked in “you came” he said “I did” this is about to be messy or just the best thing that happened to us.

Hundred Thirty Three. Part 2

I sometimes think to myself why bother, why even make all this effort to see her but really I feel it’s more because maybe we did let her down in some sense “mom!” Tianna shouted just as I was getting into my own thoughts “yes dear” looking up at her “please be good tonight, please control dad. I uhm, I haven’t told her that you are both going to be there, but I think they aren’t really running anymore, it’s them coming out more now, I think it’s Oakley more so then anything. He is sick of the situation and hiding really but I haven’t told her a thing because what is the point, she will not want to go but please do this right. She did mention you actually, she said I am shocked mom hasn’t sniffed me out and I said well you have learnt the art of hiding now, you wanted peace and you got that but yeah. One shot, make it right. Dad has to come correct, that is her husband now” nodding my head “what is she like? Has she changed or still the same with a little selfish part of her” I don’t even know her anymore “she is different, she has honestly gone calmer. She doesn’t want the fame, she is happy as she is in Fendi and yet like you saw that time they wanted to push her forward but no. I think she is calm, she is better really. That stint in Ireland was a lot too, she did miss home, she has missed home. When speaking to her she has said how much she does miss everyone, but she can’t have herself and her husband be disrespected. She is very much my husband so yeah; you both need to just be careful. I think it could be a redemption but if dad kicks off then it’s going to be a fucking problem” I need to make sure “Aziel and Kylian are both here, Obviously Damson hasn’t come yet and Aziel come up to me and he said TT why hasn’t nana and papa seen me. He is very well spoken now; he knows proper English. I mean he is well spoken; he is weird enough well-spoken but struggling with spelling so he has this tutor that helps but he is grown, you will get emotional seeing him I think, but he did ask. Because he is here he knows that you both are here” I feel choked up “his cheeky little face” I need to see him “he is what you say if Rylee was a boy, in a weird sense they both look like brothers, but they don’t at the same time, but nothing as cute as my Nova” I chuckled “that diva and her little attitude, I have had it” I pointed as we both laughed “how come you’re being so open now? Because you was dead against us even knowing anything?” I am confused “it’s time, maybe. It’s been two years, and I am sure dad can contain himself” she shrugged.

Chris has been in deep thought, like since he knows that she is here and we can see her there he has been quiet which is better than his anger, his emotions are always on edge with him, but he has been so heartbroken by knowing he never got to do it “may I come into the boys corner?” I asked laughing, Junior is playing game with his dad, well they are gaming “yes but don’t get dad mad” he said “oh be quiet, where is Raihan? Not joining” he is usually with them “he wanted to game in his room, Roblox. I wanted to play this new NBA with dad” letting out an oh, sitting down “that is cute, how are you?” I asked Chris “good why?” he smiled “we need to get ready for tonight” he nodded his head “I know” he mumbled “we have this moment where we can try and coax her in, let’s not act stupid. Tianna just told me that Aziel asked about us, he is here. I want to see him so much, please be on your best behaviour” I pleaded “Aziel it tall now” Junior said, “how do you know that?” I asked “I was looking on Tianna phone, she made me hold it when Damson was on the phone and she was getting the bags out, I just looked at her photo. You know like on the phone and you have picture on the background, it was on there. it’s a picture of Aziel on there with Nova and a baby and Aziel looks taller and I asked, and she called me nosey” he laughed “Chris, please” he nodded his head “he asked where his papa is, he calls you that still. Don’t you want to see him?” he got up from the couch “don’t do this to me” he walked off; I don’t need him to fuck this up for us.

My glam team being here, and I am in deep thoughts, I am just thinking on what do I say to her, I think I will just hug her. She is my daughter; she is my first born and forever will be. I will always have her back, I just want to hug her first I think that is what I want from her “must be nerve wracking for you” Mel said to me because she can see it on my face “there is no other way of getting to her other than this, by seeing them at an event. They closed us off and left it as that. And I just, maybe we did act stupid I don’t know. But during that time we got this, well Fenty got this email from Ybeez which is Central manager, he put along the lines of court order, and I was confused but then it’s the money he made from the campaign, now I know I discussed this with Oakley. He said keep it” Mel side eyed me “did he though?” I laughed “but he did so I emailed back saying let’s meet, that got ended. Everything I tried got ended but they kept me in the following to show us, they are alive and really I think it’s to show publicly we are ok because not once as blogs said a thing? I mean when those pictures came out it was hit and miss but they posted themselves, so I don’t know. There is a lot of factors to the behaviour” Mel is laughing “imagine having half Chris and half Rihanna blood in you, that is like a bomb” I sniggered “and she did, I mean I should have known when she fucking ran off to London to begin with, are we that stupid” I laughed, it’s just laughable at this point “no we really should have, that is so funny” Mel giggled “my niece is on a different wave length because when she gave that money back that was a stance on what she wanted and tried to say, she said your bloodline is enough but I am free from your chains, Robyn you need to stop being awful” I sighed out, I don’t even know what I do.

We rarely go to events of this sort anymore; we have bought Junior with us. Raihan wanted to go to his friends home, he wasn’t interested in this even thought that boy wants to be a rapper, I am not sure. But Raihan said there is a new update on the game he has got and he really wants to play that instead, but we did ask if he wanted to go but he didn’t want too and Emi, she is a terror so I can’t be dealing with that publicly really “what will you be like when you see them?” Chris asked me, something I was going to ask him “properly watch them for a little while, I don’t know. I don’t really know what to say” I shrugged “Is Rylee here?” Junior asked “she should. Or will be really” he let out an oh “she will be shocked seeing me now, I am tall” smiling at him “she will be, we are shocked seeing you sometimes” I don’t even know what to say to her really “same really, I am going to scope out the vibe, but I know my daughter, I know she will be emotional seeing us, she does love us. I know she does, but you know, I am going to be calm. I will be” I sighed out “yes you will be, Tianna said that Aziel asked about us to her, and asked where is papa so I want to see him, please don’t fuck this up for us. I am asking you to not, but I feel like Tianna has told her that we are going to be there, this is why she was open to speak about them. I feel she knows” I just have this feeling because Tianna has been so closed off and now she is speaking on it.

Did I miss LA, I did. I can’t lie to myself and say I didn’t, but I did, I missed this. This place will always feel like home because that is all I have known but it’s life, I am happy in London. It has been drama free more so then anything in my life that has happened, maybe the drama has ended but for whatever has happened I am happy, so I did it for me “so if you win against all them rappers, these American rappers, that would fucking sick bro” Wadz said “imagine it though, like shit would be wild. I mean whatever, I don’t care for awards, so it is what it is” Oakley shrugged “this guy didn’t even want to leave to come here, I said two nominations, you better get your ass out of that house and let’s go. I can’t even lie but I am amped. America has been hard to poke at, and then to get that for the hip hop awards. I think I have completed the circle for you, not this lazy guy” YB pointed at him “I ain’t lazy ok, I just don’t care” he really doesn’t either “and this is why we go to the wife” Wadz and YB laughed “I was lowkey mad you know, like I declined the whole thing, I come home, and Rylee said oh we are, I was like Lee just ignore pagans, they are dumb. She goes no, we are. It’s time just let’s do it so yeah, but you are right though. America is full circle now, to get this” Oakley is ready to retire, he has a few more albums out of him yet, he is content. I have been away from this place for so long but being back, it’s just like nothing has changed besides me I guess. I am happier in life, I am happy. I mean a slight miss of my family, my family is Oakley now but to cut them all off besides Tianna wasn’t easy for me, I was upset but I had to do it for me, I couldn’t have that hold over me, the sly moves and Rachel has been so good, living in Ireland was amazing, I enjoyed but reality is here, and I am ok with that.

I always let Oakley take the lead, letting him lead me as we walk the red carpet because that is my man, and even though within me I want to lead but I ain’t going to be my mom, she is a boss, that is her but me I don’t want to be that when my dad suffered from it “one interview” YB said, and he pointed at E insider which out of them all had to be them, I am not mad but it’s just whatever “Central Cee, jus a few questions” letting his hand go and stepping back “hectic isn’t it” YB said to me “I know, it’s weird to be back with people that sound like me” he chuckled “you happy to be back home” I shrugged “bitter sweet I would say, yes and no to be honest” I sighed out “I don’t know, you will need to ask her” looking at Oakley “what is it” I said confused, stepping forward “I asked him what is it like to be married” letting out an oh “and I said it’s alright” I chuckled “I feel like nothing has changed with us, just I took his name” I shrugged “you both look so beautiful together, you think your husband has a chance in category” looking at him “he does, the sound coming out of the UK right now is amazing. But for him to be nominated in a category that is mostly just filled with only American rap artists, I think he has the biggest chance here. I am not being biased at all, but he is the hardest working out of them all, like every other person there sound the same, I don’t care” I will say it how it is “oh you go girl, you better ride for your husband” I grinned “and I will” Oakley is so quiet, he hates interviews “parents of you two boys now, congratulations. How is it now?” I pointed at Oakley “he can answer that” it’s not my time to be doing it all.

To see my parents just sitting on the other side, I felt a slight hint of sadness, to see them both. We did look but I looked away, I knew of them coming but didn’t know they would be as close. To see my dad, he keeps looking over “Chris shook my hand” YB said to me “he did?” I frowned “yeah, I was walking, and he was there, and he come to me, we shook hands, that was it. But he seems calm I don’t know, what if he comes over” taking in a deep breath but then I stopped talking because Oakley category right now “I hate this shit man” he said “stop it, forever complaining” I mumbled “I know but it’s a waste of time, like yeah. Your dumb uncle will win it” I shook my head smiling, he needs to stop now. It would be nice if he did win it, be different really actually “and the winner is” Drake said “this is my guy, I love his sound. We been in the studio together. Central Cee, where you at boy” my eyes widened in shock looking at him “what?” he just said confused “you won!” I spat getting up, he hid his face in embarrassment “oh no” he got up, hugging him “I am so proud of you” pressing a kiss to his lips as Wadz and YB hugged him, I feel emotional for him, he actually won it. Sitting back down but then I got yanked back up, I am being dragged down the aisle “oh god” I said, I was not prepared to go up here with him, walking up the steps “best guy won, you won!” Drake said to Oakley, I didn’t want to be here, let me hide behind YB but then Drake hugged me “congratulations, oh man I remember when you was so tiny and now look” I laughed, I just want to hide right now “erm yeah, thank you. I wasn’t really expecting to win, it’s just a shock to me right now. Thank you to everyone that believed in me, to be in this position. I am just a regular guy from West London, and I am here, my wife. My team, my sons, my biggest supporter Aziel, you home watching. I love you and yeah, my wife. I love you, I am grateful, thank you” clapping my hands, he is so cute and now is red. He held my hand as we walked off “was that shit?” he said to me which made me laugh “nah, you did well” for him, he did well because he doesn’t like this.

Me and Wadz just looked at each other laughing, he won the second award “thank you, oh man. I just, it’s a lot for me. Erm yeah, my fans, I didn’t mention that at first. You all have been loyal to me so thank you. Pops you not here, but I made it more then you ever envisioned, my mom this one for you, put it up next to the school picture of me” Oakley laughed.  he hates this so much; I am giggling as he walked off in a huff. Following behind him “social battery dead now” Wadz said to me “he done now” he gave the award back and looked at me “you did so well, two fucking awards!” I spat “thank you” he said “thank you Wadz, like I know I can be a lot” I shook my head “you did well, we need to celebrate now” which we do “we do now” my parents are backstage, I swallowed hard as they walked over to us. Oakley looked to where I am staring, he turned around to face them and Tion then stood in front of Oakley because if my dad starts “Rylee” my dad said, staring into my dad’ eyes “no place to start anything” Tion said “let’s just be civil, it’s public” my dad is looking at Oakley “you really the man of the house now, but you finally got a family. A home, peace. I am happy for you, and Rylee. Please give us the chance to see you again, I am not starting anything, we aren’t. I just want to hug you, but I can’t here, too many eyes. Just let us have this with you. I promise you I am not touching him or anyone” he says that but switches “Rylee life is too short, please. Think about it” my mom added but they both walked off “I thought Oakley head was about to be rolling there” Wadz said, I assumed so too “nah but you puffed your chest out, look at this guy” Wadz laughed at Oakley “I tried you know” shaking my head at Oakley, he is so dumb sometimes “I think I will go there alone, you just stay here” I said to him “you sure? I said this is on you, I am not holding you back at all, if you want to see them then you can, let me come” I shook my head “let me just see them alone, I will be back” he pressed a kiss to my lips “alright, Tion go with her. Let’s go and sit with her” I just need to test it out. Following behind them and my dad did look back, it’s like he knew my footsteps “my twin” my dad just came at me so quick like he just ran into me and hugged me “dad” I said and choked out, I don’t want to cry because of my makeup “oh my god” my dad said in my ear, wrapping my arms around him “you know how much I love you; you know this. Why” he said to me “dad, you didn’t love me enough to stop. Everyone never stopped, everything was a game. My future wasn’t that, we didn’t know peace and always on edge, dad I was never at peace, you didn’t stop, the both of you” he never did stop.

I didn’t want to cry backstage but here we are “my makeup” I said to Tion “oh just a little black stuff here, I mean it’s ok for now” I laughed “thanks” men are useless “we didn’t think you would see us now” my mom said “I rather do it alone, without him there because then it’s me feeling uncomfortable that he is going to be attacked, I am always the one having to be between it, and if anything is said it can be at me. Because it was all me, I stopped all communication, I did it. He just went with what I wanted because it’s to make me happy and honestly I have been very happy, I miss you all. I do. I mean you all are crazy, but I miss it, but I didn’t want to enter my marriage and my wedding knowing that mom could bring up she did it, that dad brings up he slept with me young, that he took me away and he feels this disdain towards him. When mom, you didn’t pay my fiancé his money, you may claim to slip of mind, but you knew, he didn’t say anything, but he knew. And then the thing happened with dad, and then more so the fact he will do it when he wants, I had to choose. And I assumed you would have all done it for me, but you didn’t. So if you are going to blame anyone, then it’s me. And I am sure you both already knew that” my dad nodded his head “when I found out, I knew it would be you, but you took two years away from us, and Aziel” nodding my head slowly “I know and he asks about you all nearly every day, even more now we are in LA, he thinks you both going to come in. I know, he suffered” my dad put his head down “come and see us, just us. Please” my mom said “I will speak to Oakley, I better go now” I need to fix my makeup, I bet I look crazy “I am happy that you look happy, you look like have you grown up” my mom said “I am a mother and a wife now, I think I needed to change” I laughed, I think I have changed, I am not sure but we have to grow up at some point.

Hundred Thirty Three.

It has taken a long time to get Chris to come to this meeting, well it’s not a meeting but it is therapy session, but I rather just call it a meeting because Chris calls it that but to have him here finally, after two years is a bonus for me because it’s been a fucking battle to do it and I can only thank my eldest daughter for that “been a while hasn’t it?” the therapist said “I suppose” Chris shrugged it off really but it’s been hard work to be in this bubble of Chris just being hurt and upset about what happened “you tell me what happened Chris, why did you go missing on me?” looking at him “I had a lot on” he simply said but it’s the truth really, he has had a lot on, we both have “but you have been hurting?” he nodded his head “two years, it’s never too late to talk about it, it may upset you but speak to me. I missed out on talks” Chris laughed “I know Robyn has been having to deal with me just not being around as much, well I have been, but we have been just not getting a long” which we haven’t, makes me sad “I love her so much and I do want to make her happy so yeah” smiling at him “erm, yeah so. I never got to walk Rylee, my eldest daughter down the aisle” I swallowed hard, that has hurt him a lot “and how did that happen, why was that?” he put his head down “just a lot of shit really, so like we was preparing this wedding she wanted, we was paying for it. The next thing is that I see, this was like the moment we found out Tianna is pregnant, we are grandparents again to a girl which really made me see life in a better sense, just thought I would add that but I couldn’t shake this off still, it was heartbreaking for me. So we saw Rylee then, we knew she wanted the marriage to be done in London, we came back, and we started preparing, then like two months later down the line, I said to Robyn you know who has been quiet, Rylee and Oakley, they haven’t spoken to anyone, and their social media is just dead, and Robyn said well they are preparing their wedding, so it’s stressful. Left it as that, then a week later Imani came in and said, have you seen it, I was like seen what? I am confused now, and she goes the pictures, nah I haven’t. Logged into Instagram and I see Oakley page first, it popped up and it said in the caption, I have entered a new phase in life and it’s him in a suit. This nigga doesn’t wear that shit, so I was like ok, he looks smart” Chris paused shaking his head.

“So yeah, I went to the next slide, and I thought this is some sick joke or a photoshoot, I see Rylee and him, a picture of them getting married” his voice broke “so they just there, I go to the next slide, and the next slide and it’s them, they both married. I am like they can’t be; I scroll down and there I see my daughter in her dress, and she did it. She got married without us, she had just his mom there, her friends, his friends and jus did it on the low and just put her new life. Kept it simple, I thought it was a joke. None of it was, that burned me so bad” he sniffled, I flicked my tear away “we fucked up on some parts, but we didn’t deserve that, I went straight to the house. I got on the jet without even speaking to Robyn, went to London. I was so mad, I got there and it’s just a house sitter there, and he goes I am looking after the house. They are going to be away for a year, and that was it. Rylee just shut down and didn’t speak to anyone. And then Tianna had her baby, and she got gifts and flowers from Rylee and Oakley, actually mind you” he pointed “Robyn got a transfer, a hefty one. And her accountant said this has come from Rylee, she gave back the money she got from us, her inheritance and she put in the note, thank you for setting me up mom and dad but your name alone brings me money, I have made money, we have made money, and we are ok. Gave it back, but Ti and Rylee they have been in contact, and I was like you never said, she said I didn’t want to break that with her. And then just last year she had another baby, a boy. And nobody has seen it, at all. And I think Aziel is around eight now and we haven’t seen him since” Chris let out a sob.

Wiping my tears “and this has hurt you too Robyn?” nodding my head “it’s like losing a child you know, she has blocked us out and living her life, but we didn’t deserve this from her, but I am hurting, we are hurting as a family for this loss. Yes we have our granddaughter, but she hates us. Even more so she isn’t a Fenty anymore, she has fully taken his name” I said “but I have my sources and they have been hiding out in Ireland so yeah, I think they have moved back into London now but, what would I do if I knew my dad would come flying in to beat the man I love. I would hide too, Chris goes through his moments but he is calm down” I said “so she ran out of fear that her partner may get the repercussion of it?” nodding my head “as far as I am aware, she has two boys and a husband and living her life in the backgrounds of working with the Fendi design team, she posts pictures and at one time I thought we was going to meet but we didn’t, in France and I tried so hard but she is like me, she thinks like me and she just left, I didn’t know. She cut us off, besides Tianna which she holds the cards so close to her chest, she will not give anything away and even more, so Chris argued with her so much and Ti won’t do it, she has seen our grandson too and I am saying let us see, no to that too. All she said is that he looks double of Oakley” I shrugged “I wish that bastard never came in her fucking life” Chris said “and this is the issue Chris, this hate for him but how can you hate him when he is happy, we need to take that anger out of you. You are hating another man for showing the love you gave to her? Isn’t that what you wanted, her happiness? You cannot hate that Chris, you are speaking out of anger” Chris got up “I need to smoke” he said walking off “by all means but it still stands, maybe the reason is there, and you are trying to play it off and blame other, we need to look closer to home” Chris hates our therapist at the same time he doesn’t.

I sighed out as Chris walked out of the room, let him calm down. He has been so upset about things but to get him here is a bonus to me “how have you been? We know Chris is terribly hurt by this” I huffed out “I feel distraught, it made me feel like we are such bad parents and for her to give the money back to me, that made me think wow we were that bad that she doesn’t want anything to do with us. I tried so hard to find out more on what she is doing, I spoke to Rachel once and then the next I couldn’t contact her, and the last she said was they was in Ireland, and with them. And I was going to go out to them, but the contact was dropped, I didn’t think we was that bad, we gave her everything. She is the most loved and spoilt” I choked out “being spoilt doesn’t mean she is feeling nurtured, there must have been a trigger when this happened” I shook my head “we just want to see our grandchildren, to see our daughter and to see her married and happy, that is all I want for her” which is true “it’s been two years and not an ounce of reaching out or her wanting to speak to you or Chris. Rylee fear may be the fact her dad will kick off, she moved her family from the home he went too, she knew it and still she is not seeking any family reunion and it’s sad, but we need to look deeper. I have been doing this with you both for years and Chris refuses to change. He holds on to tiny things too which we spoke he should let go and he says he will. We also got to remember we are dealing with an adult now and if she wants no relationship then she can” nodding my head “we need to heal within, and that’s what I want for you both. Acceptance of the situation, I am happy Chris has come to us” I clenched my jaw; I am just mad and upset, for him and for me. We miss her, she doesn’t understand that.

Hugging Imani “welcome home” she has been touring overseas “and I bought a gift home” she said pointing “Oh you decided to come home. All in the UK, you forgot us” walking over to Tianna “where is my Nova? You better have bought her along” she better have “well about that” I gasped “no Tianna don’t say that” she cringed “where is my Nova?” she is serious “she is in London” I scoffed “well we don’t want you” I joked “it’s ok, I am glad to see you here, how come? What bought this on” Chris hugged Tianna “yeah Ti what bought this on” Imani has a dirty smile on her face “just visiting my family, I was going to bring her but Damson said he will be home and then his auntie is coming down and wants to see her, so he is coming after a while but yeah, where have you both been?” she asked “we are trying some therapy aren’t we?” looking at Chris “yeah we are trying it” he laughed “how was that? I am glad you are, some healing is needed here” even Ti know how shit it has been “well come, let’s go inside. When are you coming back to LA officially” she has been in London for far too long which makes me think why, who is keeping her there when they both said they would be here more “oh we are, once Damson comes over we are staying so don’t worry” thank god “good, I miss my Nova” Chris said behind me, be nice to see her.

Junior is too grown for me, he is so tall too “give Tianna more love, look at you with that cold hug” I pointed “I didn’t” he smiled “go on, ignore mom” Tianna said to him as he walked off “you seen Rylee, where is she and him hiding now?” Chris asked, Tianna is literally the only link “I said I am not speaking on them, it’s a relationship I was able to keep” she is very loyal to her “Tianna, I said when you come to this house I want to know?” Chris spat “and what do you want me to say? She is ok, he is ok. The boys are ok?” I side eyed Chris “we don’t even know what he looks like, his name? I bet you have a picture in that phone. Like what does Aziel look like now? You know how much I miss that boy; I love him. And I haven’t seen him for two years! And you want to hide that shit!” I shushed Chris “you’re not doing this; you want to lose Tianna too?” I said to him “he is just upset, I get it” Ti mumbled “Kylian, that is his name. And when I was able to see him, after back and forth with Rylee on things, the first thing I said” she laughed “who white baby is that, she laughed but he looks just like Oakley, but his eye colour is very unique, it’s Hazel but has brown to it, I can’t explain it but it’s unique but he is very much Oakley all over, he is adorable. His eyes were blue at one point, which was different to see but that changed. Aziel is a little jealous of his brother, but he is calm about it, they have given him that big brother role and he takes pride in that, but I saw them all” I sniffled “did she have a easier pregnant” I choked out, I am emotional “she did, it was c-section again but it was planned to have that, she was ok with it” Imani chuckled “but can we speak on why you came down” Imani keeps saying that “I tell you one little thing and you do this!” Ti spat “they are in LA after two years, for the hip hop awards, she is here to support Oakley, I came to support her. And she is at mine and Damson home, they let us stay at hers at that time, but she sold it, so I let them” my eyes widened looking at Chris “they have been here for a week now, without anyone knowing” she is here “can’t you tell her we want to see her? We aren’t mad” Tianna looked at Chris “dad doesn’t know how to act” Chris huffed out “I will be at that awards, see where they can hide then. I just want to see my daughter” maybe we can try and see them, I just need answers too.

Chris has been on the phone constantly too “got us spots at the awards” he said “oh good but how are you going to be?” I am concerned “like nothing, I asked. I said is he going to be there, they said yes, three seats assigned to him. But we going, I am not going to start anything, I get it ok. She made us suffer; I hold my hands up. We are the bad parents, we get it. Robyn we get it” nodding my head “when I see them, I may feel emotional. I just need to know why, why she did that” I get it, we do need answers “just we need to be careful, please. Ti did say she felt like we was hypocrites with how we are acting towards Ti, but like this was a big thing. And she took away Aziel, how could she. She promised she wouldn’t do that to us and yet she did. I wonder what he looks like now, and another grandchild. All three in London? Are we that bad? This is crazy Chris, we need to change” I am so serious right now “maybe we are toxic” Chris said “says you, that wants to fight everyone, I am so serious we need to be careful with this” I pointed at him.