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#and so fucking angry

little-bloodied-angel · 7 months

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When I was twelve I read my first queer book. I gasped and cried when Dorian was the hand that drove a knife into Basil; when I understood that meant "his love killed him".

I had been told about it. I had been warned against the kind of love that would inevitably lead to your destruction. I'd been ten when it happened in real life around me for the first time, the boy I'd barely met who sentenced himself to death for who he was, while my school and my church warned us about his sin and slapped gags over our mouths.

I saw it happen again. Again. Again.

When Brokeback Mountain came out the world was so concerned with making gay cowboy jokes that by the time I dodged my mother enough to watch it I thought it was a comedy, and it gutted me. Not just because of the very real and very visceral tragedy it represented, but because I understood that the world would watch even our darkest misery and laugh.

There was no escaping it in this world, and there was no escaping it in art. The happiest endings we got were subtext. We died, or we were a mockery, or we were evil, or some godawful combination of the three.

My best friend died in my arms when I was fourteen years old and he sixteen, and I was supposed to accept that his queerness killed him as though it hadn't been his father and his priest and the self hatred that kept him pliant but ate him inside until there was nothing left.

I read De Profundis and wept and wondered if he hadn't known all along that his love would kill him too.

Being queer and trans and a mixed Jew, and growing up Catholic because the wrong parent took charge, meant growing up with the fear and the shame and the guilt and the pain; it meant burying those I claim as my people, even those who died before I was born; it meant the terror of burying someone else; it meant being pigeonholed in roles I'd never asked to play and being less than a person; and on the screen and the page it was more of the same. At fifteen I'd lived more than most people do at ninety, and I can't remember a time when my soul didn't bear permanent scars. I can remember when I started giving my body scars to match.

I am damaged. Because the world decided they knew what I was and punished me accordingly.

I looked at Izzy last year and I thought I know you, and you know me, and I let the fierce hope in my chest ignite and come fully aflame that once, just once, someone in whose eyes I saw myself would get a happy ending. I heard this show is kind this show is queer joy this show is queer love and we know how much you've needed that and I let it promise me I was safe.

I should have remembered what promises of safety have meant for me in the past.

He deserved so much better and so did we. I don't really know what else to say.

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comradelouis · 9 months

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I just spent about 2 hours looking through my posts from early 2017 and, it really struck me how far we've come. If you had told me Louis would be on a truly massive world tour for his second album and he'd be so confident and happy I would have been in total disbelief and so, so relieved. Sometimes I forget how truly desolate and bleak things were. I think about the pure joy this tour brought me this summer and I think some of the true emotional release of it is knowing how long we had to wait for this and how absolutely deserved it is for him (of course), but also for us.

#idk why i'm just rambling #but i read all of my pre-BTY posts from 2017 #and i was miserable #and so fucking angry #and sad for him and mad at everyone else in the fandom #and i'm so so proud and happy for him it like makes my stomach flip #anyway i love you guys #and i'm so happy to have found true louies and not have to go to war on my dashboard every day #idk i should be working BUT this is what happened instead #all because i was just trying to find commentary on that tomlinshaw BTY interview lmfaooo

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oak1985 · 2 years

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School starts tomorrow and I was excited to talk to my students about OFMD when E said it’s rated for 16+, so my freshmen may not have seen it. And I didn’t believe her so we went online and it is! It’s rated MA (mature) for “extreme violence.” Excuse me? I can fucking watch it and I only have to cover my eyes and ears during the toe scene. Like are you ducking kidding me? You know how much horrific shit is rated PG-13? In conclusion, I know it’s the homophobia but holy fucking hell’s bells, the homophobia!!!

#some real bullshit #fuck this shit #censorship #ofmd #homophobia #I shouldn’t be this surprised but I am #and so fucking angry

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crabussy · 2 months

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IM GOING TO PUNCH A HOLE IN SOMEONES CAR

#WHAT THE FUCK MAN #caps #you're not evil dont worry I love you #BUT WHAT THE FUCK. I feel like sisyphus now #if I just blow my nose again it'll be clear right. right guys. if I get the mucus out I can breathe #IM GONNA BE ILLL IM SO ANGRY

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xshinina · 1 year

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*Married life playing in the background

This idea was probably funnier in my head

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inkskinned · 8 months

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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

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thetragicallynerdy · 2 months

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Reminder from someone with actual literal brain damage from a brain injury to stop fucking using "brain damage" and "brain injuries" as a means of describing someone whose opinions you don't like or deem as stupid.

It's ableist and offensive as fuck, and for some reason a lot of leftist people think it's okay to use. I've seen posts replying to right wing racists calling them "brain damaged if you believe this" and "do you have a brain injury? do you not understand X?". Just now I saw a beautiful post about fat people throughout history that was absolutely ruined by opening with "How do we break it to boomers with actual brain damage and nostalgic brainrot..." before continuing to say that fat people existed throughout history.

Brain damage does not make you racist. A brain injury doesn't make you stupid, or fatphobic, or unaware of history and politics. Stop fucking using my disability as a catch all to describe people you think are shitty. Y'all use it like it's a replacement for how people used to use the R-slur, which shows you learned absolutely nothing about why the R-slur was wrong to use and decided to throw in other disabilities instead. Fuck off and stop doing it.

(And don't do it with other disabilities either, because I know y'all do.)

I know a lot of people with brain injuries. They're smart, and funny, and compassionate. They learn about the world and care about social issues and wish they could go to protests if their disability won't allow them to. Are there right wing people with brain injuries? Sure, absolutely. But they are not right wing because they have a brain injury, and using any disability as an insult is still fucking ableist.

Tldr - stop using brain damage and brain injury as an insult. It's ableist and incredibly offensive.

Love, your local brain injured/brain damaged pal

#brain injuries #ableism #disability #makes me so fucking angry #brain injury #brain damage #tbi #concussion

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transformers-earthspark · 3 months

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IMPORTANT: TUMBLR HAS MADE A DEAL WITH MIDJOURNEY/OPENAI.

YOUR ART AND IMAGES ON TUMBLR ARE BEING USED TO TRAIN AI MODELS.

The opt-in is automatic, but you can turn it off in settings.

Go to "Blog Settings" -> "Visibility" -> "Third-Party Sharing" and turn on "Prevent third-party sharing for [blog]". (This post shows how to do it on browser and on mobile.) You need to do this with every sideblog. (Note: The option in settings might not appear if your app hasn't updated yet. You can still opt out via browser.)

Spread the word. Everyone on Tumblr needs to know about this.

#>> mod: firefly #edited for clarification & to add instructions for turning off on mobile #disclaimer: yes i'm putting this in the transformers tags. this is important and artists need to know their work is being stolen #my apologies for the non-earthspark post (again) but this is fucking insane #i am so unbelievably angry. fuck ai and fuck tumblr for doing this #earthspark #transformers earthspark #transformers #tfes #tfe #tf earthspark #maccadam #edit: holy hell i think this breached containment a bit #which is good; people need to know about this #but also wow my notifications 0.0

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poetry-protest-pornography · 3 months

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Listen, friends.

Someone is going to be elected president in November. There are going to be two options. There is no world in which someone who is not Biden or the GOP nominee -- presumably, somehow, Trump -- win the election.

Is Biden my favorite politician? No.

Has he accomplished a ton of good things in the last three years? Absolutely yes.

Pretending otherwise is disingenuous and dangerous.

If you do not vote, you are voting for fascism, full stop. Because you know who always shows up to vote? Your shitty racist neighbors, and the white nationalists trying to stop affirmative action, and the homophobic gun owners who want the party that's made dismantling marriage equality and civil protections for queer people a part of their platform, and religious fundamentalists who believe that women should be the subject of their husbands. They vote in drives, because they don't demand perfection from their candidates, just that they hate the same way they do, and do it loudly.

This left wing thing where people yell about how voting for a candidate that doesn't check every box is a valid political protest is deeply stupid and absolutely wrong. All this accomplishes is to discourage voting and make people stop trying to push for better from our politicians.

Not voting for a candidate that doesn't do everything you want them to is giving a point to the one that wants to bring out loud fascism to the US.

There will be a winner in November, and it's going to be A or B. The system sucks, but it's the one we have, and if we don't vote for the one who is actively working for at least some of the right things, we're going to end up with the one that's working for stripping rights away from the majority of Americans.

Just fucking vote.

#vote #vote blue #us politics #this was more eloquent in my head but whatever I'm so fucking scared and angry #block me babs

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greenglowinspooks · 6 months

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The way that I’m brainrotting over a DCxDP crossover with a Danny who’s a vengeful villain rn

Like, let’s just say that the GiW finally get into contact with the JL. They need help neutralizing a threat, you see, and they’re on their last limb trying to keep civilians safe.

They have video evidence! They have studies to back their claims! The JL have to help them!

Unfortunately, the JL believe them. They join a fight against Danny, and defeat him due to being far more experienced than he is. Danny is locked away and experimented on by the GiW.

That would CHANGE a person. Your heroes turning against you and seeing you as a monster, being experimented on for who knows how long, not knowing if your friends and family are safe.

Danny gets out due to a simple mistake on the GiW’s part; having Blüdhaven as part of their transport route.

Of course the trucks were attacked, they’re government property!

So now, whoever decided to raid the government transport trucks (the Penguin or something) has a ton of experimental weapons with no idea how they work, and a heavily traumatized teenager.

Danny knows how they work. Danny can be useful! They won’t throw him out if he’s useful! And so, now Danny is working for the Penguin, altering the ectoplasm weapons to make them work on humans.

It’s a good deal for both parties. Danny gets to neurotically imprint on the Penguin like a small baby animal, and the Penguin gets a brilliant mind who will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.

But eventually, Danny finds out what happened to his family in his absence.

Jazz is in Arkham. Not as a psychologist, but as a “patient.” Apparently, she snapped and completely destroyed the house, leveled a few blocks of Amity Park, and conducted organized attacks on government bases (mostly GiW) for months.

Sam and Tucker helped her, eventually splitting once Jazz was captured. Sam travels to areas of extreme pollution, completely overgrowing them with her plant powers. Currently she’s in the Amazon rainforest, engaging in an ongoing feud with logging companies. Sam is winning.

Tucker faked his death, and Danny has no idea where he is. He only knows that the death wasn’t real because of a code that the three of them made together, just in case.

Ellie’s trapped in the Infinite Realms. Danny had a failsafe in place so that if she was ever cornered by the GiW, she would be sent to her haunt in the GZ. However, with the portal destroyed, she can’t come back. Danny just hopes she’s okay.

His parents are now top GiW scientists. They’re traveling the country giving speeches. They’re working on a battery powered by ectoplasm, but apparently started “having difficulties” around the same time that Danny escaped.

None of it is fair. None of it is right.

The Justice League destroyed his life, the lives of his friends, and they’re doing as good as ever. The GiW is respected, and his parents are happily working away for them.

Danny takes up some of his more experimental weapons and breaks Jazz out of Arkham. She’s a little different now, colder and more quiet, but she still loves him all the same. It’s an unimaginable comfort to him to see his sister again.

He can’t use his powers anymore. He’s so used to associating them with pain that even transforming into his ghost form is enough to take him down for hours.

However, he understands ectoplasm more than anyone else in the world. He knows how to use it in virtually everything; how it can become a weapon, how it can be used as a supplemental ingredient in poisons and nerve agents, how it can twist and distort the mind if applied correctly.

He doesn’t care what happens to him. He’s going to take down the GiW, and destroy the lives of the JL members who helped lock him away, just as they did to him.

No matter the cost.

#dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp prompt #let Danny be scary and unsettling and evil WITHOUT being Dan!! do it!!!!!#at first the JL just think they’re dealing with a normal villain who’s angry at the world #the more details they get on him the more dread they feel #eventually they realize that they locked a 16-year-old away to be experimented on by the government for YEARS #and not that same kid is determined to ruin their lives #the GUILT. the PAIN. the realization that they so completely and fully failed this child #they’re speedrunning the 5 stages of grief and Danny is just like ‘oh no! anyways’ *fakes killing Red Robin to fuck with the bat*

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formywriyinglalala · 2 months

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this genuinely breaks my heart

#it makes me so angry that the comments on the vid are all “dont blame Islam”#and “its a lot of women’s choice…!”#to see the happiness in their eyes before and then to see how the eyes THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL are completely covered is devastating #it’s not a fucking choice if everyone is telling you this is the only way you can be a pious woman #or if you’re going to be killed otherwise #radblr #rad fem #radical feminists please touch #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminst #anti religion #anti islam #radical feminist safe #radical feminists please interact #radical feminists do touch

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senxitive · 1 year

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haha boy, if I thought I was depressed before I surely was wrong

#im having trouble eating and drinking #i think its more so the heartbreak but god i thought i was going through heartbreak the last 4 months only to think i might just now be #actually *going thru* the heartbreak #i feel so god damn out of touch with reality #and so fucking angry #like....please #i cannot wait for sunnier days #to be happy with myself #when i get so depressed i understand why no one would want to be with me or around me #im so fucking turbulent and stormy and severe #i make it impossible to be around me #but i cant stop it!!!!#i dont know how #i just want fucking love i didnt know it was so god damn hard to find it and feel it #never enough or always too much

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rosekasa · 1 month

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im feeling so unwell about them tonight

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#so disgusting #get a room #miraculous ladybug #adrienette #adrinette #the other day me and my best friend were talking about moments where our otps make us feel almost repulsed #and i was like oh my god youre so right.#because there are momente LS will do things so unnecessarily cute that ill actually feel angry #like are you fucking serious? in front of my salad?#anyway #im mentally well #♡alizeh talks♡#tagged:adrienette

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insignificantfailure · 7 months

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Why the fuck am I the way I am

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inkskinned · 9 months

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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

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vaguely-concerned · 3 months

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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

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