#and no matter what actions you take the badness will still seep through
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Just Let Me Help — Eleventh Doctor x gn! reader
summary: Getting injured on a mission leads reader to question their relationship with the Doctor. He will do his most to help them, even if he'll get hurt in doing so.
tw: Hurt/comfort (lots of comfort), injury, blood (alien blood but still)
a/n: I love him sm and he needs someone who is also immortal 😭😭😭 Also, I need more alien reader with the doctor </3
wc: 1.7k
Master List
(This can be stand alone, but the first part can be read here)
“Are you two like…a thing?” Rory asked. I was surprised at how well Rory handled everything, and how he even seemed to start to warm up to the Doctor.
I looked up from watching the Doctor work underneath the console of the Tardis, “Who? The Doctor and I?”
“Well…yeah,” Rory replied back awkwardly.
“Oh, uh, no. Just old friends,” I shrugged, his awkwardness falling onto me.
I can’t lie, I had fallen for the Doctor ages ago. No matter how he looked, how he acted, he would always be my beloved Doctor. And he never failed to fall on my doorstop, no matter where I went. He was the cure to my loneliness, someone who’d always be there, even if he was out traveling through time and space. I left my planet for a reason, and the Doctor understood. We were both outcasts in our own sense, and we’ve created a bond because of it.
“Could you hand me the wrench, dear?” The Doctor spoke up, oblivious to the conversation but also not helping my point.
“Right,” Rory replied skeptical. I rolled my eyes while simultaneously leaning down and handing the Doctor his wrench.
“His new regeneration is just affectionate, okay?” I whispered, feeling like I had to defend myself.
“Thanks dear,” The Doctor thanked, squeezing my hand gently in thanks before letting go completely.
“I didn’t say anything,” Rory replied, hands held up in mock surrender. I could see the glint in his eyes still.
“Shut up,” I pouted slightly. The Doctor's childishness has seemed to rub off on me.
“What are you two babbling about?” Amy asked, coming into the console room.
“Speculating about relationships,” The Doctor chimed up. I didn’t even realize he was walking up the stairs. Even so, I couldn’t help but admire how cute he looked with his goggles sitting in his hair. I tensed, feeling flustered that he caught on, even though I didn’t say anything wrong, or to show my feelings, I still felt like I was caught in a lie.
“Speculating?” I asked. “I was clarifying.”
The Doctor paused midstep, raked his eyes over my figure, an emotion I couldn’t place held in his gaze. He continued to the console like nothing even happened and clapped his hands.
“Where to now?”
______
“What are you doing!” The Doctor shouted, rushing towards me.
I gritted my teeth in pain as the Mihrol bit into my arm. With my other three arms, I tried to pry its jaw open. Mihrol were violent creatures, aggressive. I didn’t blame it, it wasn’t conscious of its own actions, only acting on its instincts. But it was going to attack the Doctor, so I decided to step in the way.
In fact, I felt bad for the creature. Even with its teeth bared into my arm, its fate was set as soon as it ingested my blood. Perhaps…I shouldn’t have stepped in the way, as I was now a danger to anyone who tried to help. I couldn’t stop the pathetic whimper as the Mihrol’s body slumped, and its jaw weakened enough for me to pry it off. Glittery blue blood continued to seep from my arm as the others got to me.
“Stop!” I shouted as Rory tried to approach me.
“I’m a nurse!” He argued. “I can help.”
“No you can’t,” The Doctor said calmly, stepping in between his companions and I. “They’re a Zeknil. Blue blood littered with cleythil, a poison that can penetrate even the thickest of skin. It's why they’re blood glitters so brilliantly.”
I clutched my injured arm, stepping back, “I’ll need to take care of this on my own.” The Doctor stepped close to me and I glared at him, “That means no Doctor or nurse.”
“I can help you,” The Doctor whispered. “Its effects are severely diluted. There’s a reason why Zeknil’s and Gallifrey’s stuck together for all those years.”
“I won’t take that chance,” I shook my head. “Besides, you have a better chance of finding another Zeknil than finding the cure.”
I watched as frustration danced across his eyes the longer we argued, but I held my ground. I will not lose the one person that is supposed to be by my side forever. Not to anyone else, and definitely not because of my own choices.
“Go to the Tardis,” Doctor ordered Amy and Rory. “Tell her of the situation and she’ll lead you to a specific kit. Grab it and bring it to us.”
“You’re overreacting,” I grumbled. Ripping off a piece of my shirt and holding it to the wound to stop the bleeding. “It's gonna take a lot more to kill me than a bite.”
He stayed quiet, eyes trailing the path of my blood, up to my wound, then finally meeting my eyes. I felt my own heart break at the unshed tears he held. At that moment, I realized exactly what I meant to him. How I would’ve felt if he would’ve been hurt instead. The want to help the one you love, the need to not see them in pain.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, feeling that familiar pressure before you cry.
“At least you would be able to tend to me,” He laughed dryly, a tear rolling down his eye. “I wouldn’t have minded that.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped me, the other option having been to cry, “Of course that’s what you say now. If you got hurt you would’ve been whining at me the entire time. I had to save myself from that.”
He laughed with me. Finally the others came back and I opened up this special kit and my eyes widened when I realized it was a first aid kit from my planet. I stared up at the Doctor in shock, but quickly went to tend to my wounds. I quite like how the bandages from my planet would meld to the injury just how you needed it to. Much better than human ones. As soon as that was all fixed up, I cleaned the blood from me as best as I could.
“Back to the Tardis everyone!” The Doctor exclaimed cheerfully, but I could tell that he was hiding his true emotions. “Best we get situated.”
“Shouldn’t we go back-”
“No, no, the threat is gone, the village is safe,” He waved Amy off, eyes never leaving me as we walked back to the Tardis.
When we entered, I went straight to my room. I needed to decompress, think. Whether it was the loss of blood, or the hot weather of the planet we were just on, my head felt fuzzy, thoughts running rampant.
The shower seemed to help me focus a bit more. Although they were things I didn’t want to focus on. That moment…the look in his eyes…it was such a powerful emotion. Like how I felt for him. But he couldn’t love me, not like how I loved him. He’s had many human companions that he’s fallen for when the two of us knew each other. And Rose…their love was something that transcended time and space. I didn’t hold a candle to her…not that she doesn’t deserve to be special. She was an amazing human, one of the few companions of the Doctor’s I got to meet.
I shook my head, I need to rest. Turning off the shower, I got into something comfortable before laying down in the room he’s provided me. In the morning, I should regenerate all my blood and my wound should be nearly fully healed. Hence why my race is seen as immortal. Our cells regenerate so fast that we live for thousands of years.
______
The smell of freshly cooked food woke me up. It smelled like one of my favorite meals from my home planet. Opening my eyes, I looked toward the source to see the Doctor himself placing a tray of food on the nightstand.
“Hello,” I muttered, sitting up with a yawn.
“Oh!” He replied startled. “Hello, good morning, how do you do?” He rambled on a few more greetings before he stopped.
“Is this how you’re going to tend to me?” I asked without realizing until a few ticks later. It was too late now, I already said it…and I was a bit curious.
A soft look made its way onto his sharp features, “Of course, dear. Anything and everything you want, just name it.”
My heart stuttered and constricted at the same time. Little does he know that he’s all I want, and I’m sure it's the one thing he can’t give. I shook my head softly, teasing but also dismissing his admission. I went to grab the tray but he batted my hand, taking the tray himself and sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Now now,” He tutted. “I’m here to tend to you, open wide.”
“I’m not a child,” I huffed, lightly glaring at him.
Nudging my face with the fork filled with food, he pouted, “Just indulge me.”
We stared at each other for a few more seconds, but his puppy dog eyes won me over and I hesitantly opened my mouth. His smile brightened as he continued to feed me while talking about whatever came to mind. Things he’d think I’d like, planets we could visit, foods I had to try. For a second, it made me feel special. Not special as in one of the few Zeknil left. Not special as in the species that worked hand in hand with Gallifrey from the start. I felt special to him. A dangerous feeling indeed.
“Let me help you,” The Doctor requested as I lifted my injured arm.
“You know I can’t let you,” I sighed. “The bandage is bloodied and I won’t chance you getting fucking poisoned because of me.”
“Language,” He murmured half-heartedly which caused me to chuckle lightly.
I let out a sigh, “How about this. I take off the bandage, clean up any residue blood, and if I deem it safe enough I’ll let you do the rest. Deal?”
“Deal.”
I did my part, my guess last night being accurate. My wound was almost fully healed, I probably didn’t even need to replace the bandage, but I let the Doctor do what he felt he needed to. His touch was so gentle, making sure he didn’t harm me any more than I already was. Once again my heart stuttered as he laid a gentle kiss on top of the new bandage.
“There you go,” He muttered. “All better.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” I emphasized his name. “You really do live up to your name.”
#11th doctor x reader#eleventh doctor x reader#11 doctor x reader#doctor who x reader#doctor who#11th doctor#eleventh doctor#11 doctor#x reader
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PROLOGUE: XAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED YOUNGSTERS. mdni. 18+. series masterlist
pairings: eventual wanda maximoff + mutant!reader, brief illyana rasputin + reader (platonic)
summary: a look through reader's childhood into adulthood
warnings: fem ! reader, reader is around 25/26, angst, slight descriptions of violence, this uses some ideas based on marvel's midnight suns; namely that version of agatha
wc: 1.7k~
next part >
“If you all would like something to fear me for, I will give it to you. You need not worry.”
That was the last thing you said to your… ‘classmates’ at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters all those years ago. What a cruel joke that invitation must have been, an attempted olive branch that was never meant to actually flourish. Though it had not been all bad, and as much as you wanted to, even you could not pretend that was the case.
No, it wasn't all horrible. In fact, it started out quite nice. You were only 11, so you were little threat to anyone even at your strongest. And in the beginning, everyone had tried being optimistic given Agatha’s warning: to nurture is to let the light in, and to fear is to welcome the darkness. No, no one had a problem with you then. It was only when you started to age, started to strengthen, that people became weary. You're still not sure what your teachers had expected to happen when they had you training for hours each day. Were you supposed to grow weaker? If you were, that was not the best course of action.
When your powers grew is when the warning was seemingly forgotten. You could feel it, though their outward behavior did not change very much, you could feel their fear. The fear that even if they had previously been doing their best to keep the darkness from seeping in, that it would slip through the cracks they did not see. And, well, this was a crack they did not see.
Not everyone had acted this way. There were days where you could find solace in Jean, in Illyana. They did not fear you as the others did. Jean continued to train you as she usually would and Illyana kept you as her closest friend. Though she did not say it often as she was not fond of the ‘f word’, but you knew, even if she didn't say it out loud, and that was all that mattered. Illyana had been an easy friend to you, even if she was not to others. There was an understanding between the two of you, a bond between the queen of Limbo and a daughter, but even that had not been enough.
The crack only got bigger when you had started to hear the whispering, the quiet conversations between your teachers that you weren't supposed to hear. You hadn't meant to eavesdrop, because quite frankly you didn't care what any of the teachers besides Jean had to say, or so you thought. But when you heard your name mixed into what they were saying, you couldn't help the way your chest tightened. Evil. Bad news. They can feel the change in the air when you’re training. They knew they shouldn't have offered to take you in. You may be your mother's daughter, but that does not mean that their words didn't hurt or that they hurt any less.
Illyana had held you that night while you cried, cursed and mumbled in Russian about how she was going to drop their beds through portals and into Limbo while they slept that night. You had made her promise not to, you didn't want to prove them right, give them a reason to kick you out of the place you called home for the past 4 years. This, of course, made no difference. The damage had already been done, their words had wormed their way into your mind and made homes there. You were evil, you were bad news, and everyone you've come to hold dear thought so.
That night when you fell asleep was the first time you dreamt of your mother. It was the first time, even if in a dream, that you felt your mother’s comfort. She had never been present in your life, something that everyone around you had always seemed to take extra care in ensuring, and you only really knew what she looked like from photographs. You knew it was a dream, you knew she had died many years ago, but when you woke up you swore you could feel her lingering touch. However, you quickly dismissed it when Illyana sleepily grumbled that you were very cuddly when you were asleep. That lingering touch had been Illyana’s, not your dead mother’s.
You lasted one more year with your mother in your dreams and the whispers in the hallways before you snapped. Almost killing Jean Grey was something you would always regret. If you ever saw her again you would apologize, you knew it was an overreaction and you wish you’d had it in you at the time to react rationally.
You know she didn't see it coming because if she did, you're sure she would have done something to stop it. To hear the one teacher you had confided in and trusted for the past five years talk about sending you away had been devastating. It made you feel things you hadn't even thought you could. You acted before you thought, a dark green mist circling Jean before it latched onto her heart and filled her lungs. You let it all out as your hands shook in front of you, your arms straight out as your dark magic left your fingertips. Tears of anger and betrayal, humiliation, slid down your cheeks as you yelled at her. About how you trusted her, how you thought she was different.
It wasn't until Illyana had stepped in front of you, almost gotten herself hurt, that you stopped, that you realized what you were really doing. You wanted to puke as you took in the sight in front of you, Jean on her knees on the ground gasping for breath and clawing at her throat, green slowly started to fade away from her skin. Illyana looking at you with eyes widened just the slightest and a look that told you she might have sent you to Limbo if you kept going. You wanted to sob, to beg for forgiveness, tell Jean how sorry you were, tell Illyana you hadn't meant to do that. You didn't do any of those things. Instead, you said the words you would never be able to take back and began your descent into darkness.
You stand up from your desk abruptly and run your hands through your hair, your chair scraping against the floor before the wheels position themselves correctly. Now was no time to dwell on the past. What's done is done and there was nothing you could do about it now. It’s been a few years since you hid yourself from the world, 10 since you left the school, so the piece of mail sitting on your desk addressed to a name you hadn't been called in a decade is a little perplexing— and a little nostalgic in a way you weren't expecting.
You haven't opened it yet, perhaps you wish it would just disappear. The lack of sender address is equally as perplexing as the name it's addressed to. Who could have possibly found you? You'd lived up to your words to the mutants in this past decade, they had feared you and for good reason. You had only grown stronger in your absence. “Am I frightened of a piece of paper? God, I’ve grown weak,” you muse to yourself before you pick the envelope up off the desk.
You rip it open like you would if you were taking off a bandage, quick and nervous. Inside of the envelope is what looks like a photo of a page in an old book and a small note. You can't read the script of the book, but for some reason you feel like you know what it says and you feel the magic in your veins hum in a way that isn't pleasant or unpleasant. The note reads as follows and there is an address on the back:
Dearest daughter (or as close as it gets),
I know I have been absent these past years, but I must let you know that the prophecy has begun. Will you fulfill it or will you change your future? You may not like working with a team, but a teammate is necessary to overcome that which you were meant for. For better or for worse, you and the Scarlet Witch are bound. Only you can decide to let the light in again. Perhaps you will use this address for good.
— Agatha
Seeing that name again makes your heart stop for just a moment and you drop the note on the desk. You want to be mad at her, you want to be angry, you want to feel how you did with Jean because you know it's justified this time. You want to be angry because Agatha left you. She took you to that school and she left you! She's a coward and she dropped you off and never looked back. But you can't be mad because you know she thought she was doing what was best, sending you somewhere with other kids like you. Somewhere you could be protected from your mother and her influence. But you can't help but think that she could have done the same thing that the Xavier school had. She had magic and she could have trained you and kept you on the right path, she could have fixed you before you were even broken.
You find yourself getting caught in the past again and you bury your face in your hands, dropping back down into your chair and groaning loudly. “Why must you drag me into things like this?” You wonder aloud, not that Agatha could respond or anyone for that matter. You are quite alone right now, as you have been for a few years.
You could ignore it entirely, you had no obligation to listen to Agatha. After all, apparently she has had your address all this time and hasn't bothered to come visit. But you can't ignore the humming in your veins and the gnawing feelings at the back of your head that this is something you must do. You wouldn't call it a moral compass, but you've developed an unfortunate want to do things that balance your darkness with light these past few years, it was getting on your nerves.
You pick the note back up and look at the address on the back. The Avenger’s tower? You suppose that's where you'll have to go to find the Scarlet Witch.
#alice's fics !#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x female reader#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff imagine#illyana rasputin x reader
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Hmm Minghao(svt) x male reader who is also in svt and they habe a little museum date and then look at the sunset while being completely smitten for eachother like it's literally tooth rottening sweet
Heaven’s cloud ☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖
Xu Minghao x Male Reader
Xu Minghao is not one to say I love you often. He’s never felt it necessary to verbally express how he was feeling—he’d much rather show it with his actions. Whether it was tying your shoes for you—or sharing a sip of his beverage before you could ask—or simply snaking his arm around you. Around your waist—around your shoulders—no matter what, Minghao always found himself linked to you.
“Hao.” He loves the way the nickname sounds rolling off your tongue. Loves the way your hand finds its way to the left side of his jacket to pull him in closer. “What if people see us?”
“(Y/n). I’m wearing a hat, thick glasses and a mask. What are they going to recognize? The lower half of my ears?” You want to laugh with him, to feel as carefree as he sounds as he pulls you in by your belt loops. You can see his eyes glint behind his glasses, a fondness that only appeared when he was looking at you. “Besides, we’re in the same group. If anything, we can just say we were hanging out you know? As bros.” Even with the mask covering the lower half of his face you can hear his smile—the laugh that doesn’t quite escape his mouth to not catch anyone’s attention.
“And do bros loop their fingers through their other bros belt loops or am I the exception?” Minghao pulls himself away from you—the draft of cold air hitting you almost instantly—winking as he walks to the other side of the art exhibit.
The room is full of priceless art pieces. Some you could spend hours gazing at—wondering what meaning they had hidden under all the brush strokes. But none of them came close to Minghao.
Not when he stood in front of the blandest painting in the room, baggy jeans threatening to hit the floor if it weren’t for his platform shoes. He’s examining it, letting his eyes seize it up and down and side to side. Anything to keep his attention on the painting instead of turning his gaze towards you. You can’t help but take a picture, letting a warm smile take over when you finally make your way over to him.
“It’s a nice painting.” You see his shoulders jump up in surprise, not expecting you to be this close but he stands even straighter, offering nothing more but a hum of recognition. “However, you’re much nicer to look at.”
“That was bad even for you.” Hao still refuses to face you, his eyes never leaving the painting. You stand next to him, finally directing your full attention to it, trying to see what lured him to this specific piece.
It’s nothing special. A simple ombré effect that starts with orange at the top, a lemon yellow in the middle, and finally a blue at the bottom. You can see why he’s examining it—the blending is seamless—not a single stray brushstroke in sight. And while it may be plain at first glance, the brush work is unmatched. If it weren’t for the signature at the bottom you would’ve never guessed this was hand painted.
It’s a nice sight—the two of you standing next to each other—enough for your arm to brush against his but not enough to where it could look suspicious. You have a feeling you’ll see pictures taken from a distance of both of you but for now you bask in the moment. Choosing to lean your head on Minghao’s shoulder, breaking his cold streak. He wastes no time in wrapping his arm around your waist, bringing you in closer. Hints of his cologne seep through your mask, the familiar scent weakening your legs.
He turns his head towards you, pulling his mask down under his bottom lip, making sure to press as close as he could to your ear, “Wanna get out of here?”
Although his wording was suggestive, the two of you ended up walking next to a nearby shoreline. Kicking the sand you cross as you watch the water creep up on the two of you slowly. Minghao keeps your hand in his, bringing it to sit in his pocket intertwined with his own. It’s sweet. It keeps you warm in this cool breeze. Never too hot and never too cold.
You see the same colors in the sky as you did in the painting. The blueness of the sky being taken over by a blend of orange and yellow with a hint of pink. And while it’s not as seamless as it was on the canvas, it manages to take your breath away. And suddenly you’re standing next to Minghao like you were in the museum. Watching the sky diligently in silence with him. He looks so peaceful from the corner of your eyes—lost in thought as he gazes towards the horizon—he’s never looked more beautiful. You pull your phone out again with your free hand, taking a few steps back to capture the moment. He knows what you’re doing—the awkward shuffling of your feet on the sand without letting go of his hand humoring him.
“(Y/n).”
“Shh, you’re going to ruin the picture.” But you both know you really don’t mind—not when the image of him is forever ingrained into your mind. Always there even when you close your eyes. But it’s nice—the first few pictures you take of him are tame. He offers a big grin with his mask pulled down to his chin—until he finally reaches over to cover your camera as you continue to take pictures. The last few are completely black. They’ll make for a nice post one day.
#hi baby#ty for requesting!!!!!#i don’t get to write for seventeen often even though they are one of my favorite groups heh#i hope I did it justice#xu minghao#the8#seventeen#svt#minghao x male reader#the8 x male reader#seventeen x male reader#x male reader#male reader insert#<3
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Maybe Another Day
Aemond Targaryen x reader
Plot: Aemond gatecrashes your time at Dandelion Bay, You don't know why he's here but you're not complaining (This is a sequel to Just One Day)
Wordcount: 2,464
Warning: none :)
Aemond huffs out several exhausted breaths as he dismounts his horse. His hair is mussed, sweaty, and tangled from being jostled around on horseback. The prince is still catching his breath when he stands in front of you.
"Well, if it isn't the stranger himself!" You jest, a reference to one of your previous conversations.
"That's a bad joke, you almost died." He responded.
"Mhm! And you thought I fainted for your attention! The nerve, really!" You toss back, pretending to be offended. You conversed with the prince of the realm like you were the best of friends. Aemond had never had a best friend before, but this one felt so right, so natural. He enjoys looking at you, happy and fully healed. The prince suddenly felt shy under your gaze. He begins to toe on a pebble beneath his riding boots. The prince turns to look around the vast sea of dandelions, the place you talked about so often back in King's Landing.
"W-would you like to take a walk?" Aemond stutters for the first time in his adult life. You nod, comfortably taking his arm.
"You know,..." You started, "the last time we took a walk like this, I almost died."
Aemond lets your words float through his mind. He can't help but feel guilty. "It's really not funny, y/n."
"Aw, Aemond! You're too serious..."
"It's not a laughing matter!" He argues.
"It is! Aegon cried laughing, when I told him. At least he's good fun..." You continued walking next to your former betrothed, your arm comfortably over his.
"Wait, you talked to Aegon?!" Aemond sounded quite agitated.
"Yeah, we spoke before I left. He's great fun, your brother!" You added the last sentence just to get a reaction from the prince.
"Hmmm..." He huffed. Aemond sounded so insulted. Although all he did was hum, you knew he felt differently about it. You were almost tempted to take it back.
"Are you staying for supper? I'm sure my father would be pleased to see you despite showing up unannounced..." You asked. Aemond gives you a tight-lipped smile and moves to fetch his borrowed horse.
The prince awkwardly saddles up on his horse. You figured he was more used to mounting his dragon.
Aemond marvels at how swiftly you get on the horse despite the many layers of your skirt. He thinks you'll fare well riding Vhagar. His train of thought however, fizzes out at your close proximity. The warmth of your chest on his back seeps through his vest and tunic, your arms wrap around his slender waist like it was made to be there, your breath tickles ever so close next to his neck-
"What? Are you going to ask this horse to ‘Sōvēs’?" Your teasing voice next to his ear tickles him from the inside. Aemond thinks your Valyrian is perfect. He can't wait to teach you more.
"Hey! Are we going to stand here or what?!" You snap your fingers in front of him. Aemond jolts back at your movement, kicking the horse into action. His eye widens at the horse's speed, and the closeness of your bodies does not help his panic calm down.
The prince doesn't remember how he made it to your family's castle. It was all a blur of his heart racing, your hands on his waist, and your occasional chatter. By the time he ungracefully dismounts his horse, he is beyond flustered.
"My prince!" Your father greets him, immediately noticing his flushed face. "Are you quite well?" The older man asks in alarm.
"Careful, father! He might pass out!" You teased, motioning to carry Aemond like a bride, before laughing with the small crowd who flocked to greet you and the prince.
Aemond seems to have forgotten how to speak as he scowls at your jokes. He hated to admit how you and Aegon would be absolute menaces if you two happened to band together.
At the dinner table, Aemond sits on one of the cushioned seats, his princely posture stiffened by his nerves at being around you and your family. There was no one else in the room yet, save for a few servants and your older sister's husband, whom he attempted to chat up with small talk. Despite this, the prince felt anxious at being surrounded by members of your family, remembering the possible dishonor he had brought when your betrothal was called off.
The dining room seats slowly fill with your parents, your grandmother, and your older sister. Aemond's anxiety rises as he greets every one of them accordingly. Your younger siblings cause a ruckus as they enter the room, hitting their wooden swords at each other and yelling like seasoned warlords, and finally, in comes-
"The dragon!!“ the children scream in faux fear. Aemond was alarmed anyway, catching himself halfway rising from his seat. A woman, who was very obviously you, enters the room, growling underneath a paper mache dragon headmask.
"Dragon-whisperer, please save us!" The four children gather around Aemond, clinging to his arms, two on each side. The prince turns his gaze from the "dragon" looming towards him to the elders at the head of the table. The prince was surprised to find that they were somehow enjoying it? like it was a normal occurrence in the household. Your grandmother even grips the edge of the table, seriously paying attention to the impromptu play.
The children, three boys and a little girl, gather around Aemond excitedly to watch the "dragon" dramatically march toward the silver-haired prince. You were stomping your feet in slow motion, imitating the giant beast's walk. Aemond sees the playfulness in your eyes through the large eye-holes of the dragon headmask as you gradually get closer. You were laughing and playfully growling when you took a large leap to be directly in front of him as the dragon maskhead fell from your head, revealing your face.
It takes all of Aemond's self control to not kiss you where you stand. He smiles, for he feels his insides tickle with excitement and love.
Love? Is he in love? His mind questions itself. He gets his answer immediately.
"I love you, Y/n." Aemond declares.
Your parents, your sister, and your younger siblings all gasp in surprise. Your grandmother, however, tries to keep up with the theatrics and asks your sister's husband sitting next to her: "How could he be in love with the dragon?"
You, on the other hand, try to control your emotions. Your lips parted mid-laugh when the paper dragonhead hits the floor. And then Aemond speaks. You weren't sure if you heard him correctly, but judging by everyone's reactions, he really did say it. It wasn't a daydream.
Aemond's forehead shimmers with sweat. Why did he say that?! It's not like he didn't mean it; he did, but it just wasn't the right time! He was about to blurt out an apology when one of the children giggled and adds: "But you broke off with her!"
Your father finally recovers, senses their esteemed guest's discomfort, and asks everyone to be seated for dinner.
The conversation between your family was joyous and wholesome- something Aemond rarely, if ever, experienced back at home. You would help your younger siblings with their steak, your parents still made flirty remarks to each other; and grandma never ran out of stories from her youth. The entire table was busy with pleasant chatter, a complete opposite of Red Keep family dinners- normally taken alone or, when forced to come together, would end in a screaming match.
Aemond almost forgot his earlier blunder when he finished his first course. Your mother, whom Aemond discovers is actually your step-mother, pleasantly offers him more of the roast lamb. He was already quite full and was hesitant to refuse your family's hospitality.
"Then you must have some dessert, son!" Your father bellows from the head of the table. No man has ever warmly called him 'son' before. It was a strange thing to hear, but he found himself smiling and nodding as he received a plate of pudding. He stares at it for a while, and the sound of lighthearted chatter fades while he contemplates the last hour spent with your family.
"Aemond! Are you alright?" You whisper from across him, the dining table in between. You kept your voice low so as not to draw attention because the prince looked like he was sobbing? You calmly head over to sit next to him. "Is dessert not to your liking, my prince?" you inquired, gently steering him to face you and away from the rest of the table. You asked if his patched eye was bothering him, but that wasn't the case.
"It's just, all of this is so beautiful; I've never, it's all just so... different from what I was used to..." He tries to collect himself, taking a deep breath and holding it in before exhaling. "I'm sorry, that was-"
"No, It's alright; I understand." You carefully reach for his hand, hoping to bring him comfort. Your family graciously averts their attention from the both of you.
"I'll take you to your chambers if that's what you like?" You smooth a thumb over his large hand.
"I'm alright." Aemond, exhales. "I wouldn't want to miss out on a moment with you." He turns his hand over to catch yours in his warm palm. "you and your family. A moment with you and your family, of course." He rushes to add
You grant him a kind smile, which he returns just as sweetly.
The rest of the evening is light and full of cheer. Aemond begins to loosen up and laughs a little too loudly after having quite a few refills of your father's best wine. You return to the dining hall after checking with the servants to find Aemond playing kickball with your younger siblings while listening to your grandma talk about history. The prince enthusiastically pays attention, even adding his own thoughts from what he's read in the books. In the brief months you stayed with him in King's Landing, you have never seen your former betrothed this calm and laid-back. He looked so at home, happy, and carefree.
When the younger ones are ushered off for bedtime, they bid Aemond goodnight, asking if they could play again tomorrow. Of course he agrees, and gives them a genuine smile, which you thought was dazzling. He should smile more.
Aemond continues to talk to your father and your sister's husband in the sitting room, having a drink and occasionally petting the dogs who were comfortably nestled by his feet. It seems like everyone in this house enjoys the prince a little too much.
"How long is he staying?" Your mother asks, spotting you eavesdropping outside the sitting room.
You blow a raspberry and shrug. "No one invited him here, so I guess he's staying for whenever?"
"I'd let him stay forever!" Your grandma joins in, announcing rather loudly and calling the attention of the men in the room, mainly Aemond, who rose from his seat to check if you were around.
You were about to sprint away when Aemond respectfully nodded at the elders by the door, and then closed it.
He doesn't spare you a glance when he shuts the door. Your jaw slackens at his audacity. Shutting the door in your face? In your own house?!
"He's leaving first thing in the morning." You state this to your mother and grandmother as you march up the stairs to your quarters.
You stomp your way up the stairs, grumbling under your breath about how that audacious prince treated you in your own home. After he shows up unannounced? After everything that happened in King's Landing? He doesn't even laugh at your jokes!
While you sulk in your bedroom, Aemond is having a very crucial discussion with your father inside the room at this precise moment. There is a choice at hand that might drastically alter the course of your lives.
You were still annoyed when you woke up the next morning. A consecutive knock wakes you.
"What!" You yell, sounding more like a statement than a question. A servant peeks in, and you immediately feel sorry.
"Your lord father wants you in the council room, lady."
You sigh as you slip out of bed and get dressed. You hoped that Aemond had left, or else your mood was about to swing for the worst.
As if the universe was teasing you, Aemond was inside the council room. His magnetic presence drew your eyes to where he stood, next to your father.
"Good morning, My lady." He greets her with a nervous glint in his eye and a teasing smirk on his beautiful lips. You were confused, so you ignored him.
"Y/n..." Your father begins. There was a certain look on his face. It was the same look when that letter from King's Landing arrived by raven, asking for your hand in marriage.
"So which one is it?" You ask, glancing at the papers in front of him, scattered on the table.
"Which what?" Aemond's smirk dissolves into a worried frown.
"Which loser am I promised to?" You ask, and you receive two answers.
"He's not a loser." Your father warns
"I'm not a loser." Aemond fails to stop himself from answering.
Oh.
Your eyebrows meet in confusion, and your lips part, but you're out of words. You look like a fish out of water as you open and close your lips, trying to form a coherent thought.
"Y-you again?" You put your arms on your hips, facing Aemond. "Are you in love with me or something?"
"I am." Aemond answers rather quickly. He steps up, holding your hand in his. "And it was almost too late when I realized it. I was so scared watching life fade from you that day in the Sept's tower. I was too proud to tell you how much I truly cared, how much I loved, and how much I still... love you."
His words make you feel dizzy. Was this what Aemond and your father talked about last night when he shut the door? He was asking your father for your hand?
"So you want us to be betrothed, again?" Your mind soars a hundred leagues, and your heart skips several beats. You can't wait for him to say yes.
"No."
Um.
"No, I want to court you first. No strings attached this time; no responsibilities to the crown, no political arrangements."
You did not expect this at all. You look to your father, who was giving you and Aemond an encouraging nod.
The prince's hand trembles, still holding yours. His jaw deliciously clenches, and his eye pleads with yours for an answer.
"I accept."
----------------
A/n: So sorry this is so overdue T_T Can I please get a reblog? Thank you for reading! :)
#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen#hotd x reader#hotd#prince aemond targaryen#aemond x reader#aemond targaryen fuff
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❛ would things be easier if there was a right way? ❜ (aaaaaand normal Kotoha~)
The smell of blood lingers. It seeps through the boards and eats away at the varnish; and the wood soaks it in and grows heavy, sunken boards croak under a footfall. His honeyed cadence bounces off of the walls; drawing attention away from the piles of white stained cloth and still squirming bodies scattered around them. Like wilted flowers.
And he has named them all after flowers, hasn't he? Ayaka, Hanako, Meiko, Sakura... But Kotoha kept her name. Isn't that enough? That should be enough.
❝ There's no such thing as a right way when it comes to eternity. Everything that happens here is a matter of faith. ❞ Euphoria painted with each wonder filled word. And those infamous eyes glisten. ❝ And faith, just like love, is an action. ❞ His arms splay as he turns to the sky. There's blood caught under pearlescent claws. There's red clots of something caught between his teeth; oh, those horrible teeth. Teeth that don't belong on a man's face, let alone a priest's.
❝ Let me say that again, Kotoha-san, faith; is an action. It is the act of believing and that, Kotoha-san, is what I need you to do for me right now. And you can do it. ❞ There's this peculiar alloy, somewhere between placation and reassurance as he turns to look at her again. His head drops. His motions slow down; a wolf making itself smaller so as not to spook the deer. He gives her that big, generous smile. ❝ I know you can do it. ❞
One of the bodies squirms then. Be it Meiko or Hanako, they all appear the same when they lie butchered. And the demon steps over them swiftly, his cloak dragging the entrails on the floor. He raises a palm as if to signal her to stay still, and his fingers curl to leave only the index up as he continues, with a proposition;
❝ I need you to do that now for me and listen; no, shh, shh— ❞ The finger presses to his lips as the gap between them grows a little too discomforting and there's haste in the way he seeks to calm her; to keep her from taking more trembling steps back and stumble her way outside the open door. Wide open. And yet the room's air is no less heavy. Dōma's eyes widen; a flavor of mania that makes his passionate sermons seem meek compared to this.
❝ Listen: There is no death. Life is a dream. It's a wish. Made again and again and again and again and again and again and on into eternity. And... my God? ❞ His palm comes to rest against his chest, where his heart would be. The red stains blend into the ceremonial garments. He points her attention the ceiling; where the Sun God's mural casts the same unyielding glare as always. And now, it is becoming all the more apparent why. ❝ My God can give you more wishes. My God can give you as many wishes as you like, in fact— he can lift the pain from your heart, Kotoha-san. He can make this life into nothing more than a bad dream. How does that sound? No more night terrors. No more looking over your shoulder to see if they will come knocking — trust me. And you will be rewarded. Generously. ❞
He watches her frail arms clutch her son's blanket tighter when he chances that step closer. Momentarily, his eyes fall on the child, and then back at her with a tranquilizing gaze.
❝ Little Inosuke could have a home here, you know. You can stay and we will be a family, just the three of us. Wouldn't that be nice? To have a family here? We will be happy, together, and we could have everything we want. That's nice, isn't it? To know your son will always have everything he wants. Everything you didn't have. And you know you can trust me. ❞ He sobers up abruptly, switches to a different flavor of placating her. ❝ From the moment I saw you, Kotoha-san, I knew you were not like the others. You're a very special woman. And that's why you have suffered so much; think about it! All your life, every moment, every choice has led you here to me for a reason! ❞
The smile lingers as he awaits some manner of response; though she may be too shocked, still. His eyes size her up, momentarily, to assess that. And then — a clawed hand extends her way.
❝ Please, all I ask of you is this; open your mind to my message. See, look around you, see for yourself, the people here! Do they look unhappy to you? If this is wrong; then how could it be making them happy? ❞ One of the dying girls produces a grunt. The Lord Founder's lip twitches with something akin to irritation.
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LOTS OF STEVEN UNIVERSE SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE (I’ll leave the ramble below the cut for the ppl who don’t want spoilers <3)
take a funny pic before u leave :3
(btw, if any info here is incorrect feel free to lmk or even start a calm conversation about your thoughts! I love learning more and hearing ppls perspective <3)
maybe it’s an unpopular opinion but i LOVE steven universe future, like it’s so good?? I was rewatching the last few episodes since I wanna write a fic where Steven stayed longer with Jasper bc i think they had an interesting friendship in SUF lol
But I wish it wasn’t so short and that the episodes were longer and spent more time on the characters working through their issues.
And yes, Steven may not be “Classic Steven” in SU:Future but that’s what I love about it. Trauma changes you. Even if you learn how to be a better person, it doesn’t mean it’s super easy to apply those skills to your life. It’s still so hard. Even when you think you’ve changed and gotten better, old habits seep through and you realize that maybe you haven’t made as much progress as you thought. But what SUF shows is that it’s okay to not be perfect, because that’s what makes us human. We aren’t a monster if we do things wrong, if we hurt people- what matters is that we learn and we actually take the steps to be better. This means taking responsibility. This means not running from your problems but facing them. This isn’t to say that everyone is excused from their actions because they aren’t.
I think that’s what made Connie’s entrance on the “I Am My Monster” episode so perfect. Like, YES it’s your fault! And while she was technically talking to White Diamond, I think it makes more sense if she was talking to everyone there. Everyone there, excluding Connie and Steven, are adults. Most of them have been alive for thousands of years for fucks sake. But they trauma dump and push their problems onto a child who already struggled with fitting in already. I think that even the Crystal Gems play a part in Steven’s trauma, because again, they should know better. He was a child and he didn’t have to be forced into this life. Parents are supposed to protect and make sure their child is exposed to as little bad content as possible.
Now, I’m going to use sex education as an example here, because this is a common issue with adults and how they talk to children, especially about sexual topics. If you wanna skip this bit, I’ll use large GREEN text once it’s over lol
So, there’s “two main sides” (i put it in quotes bc of course there’s ppl with loads of opinions, but these are the two most prominent ones and also the most problematic to their child’s development) to this: Some parents choose to shelter their kids from anything even mentioning sex, maybe even to the point where their child just has no genuine understanding of sex and how to deal with those thoughts and feelings. Without talking to their child maturely about these topics, their child will grow up not only being teased for not understanding but also just without a good understanding of sex and what it entails. Plus sex doesn’t just have to be about the pleasure aspect or procreation, what about sex safety and what to watch out for when choosing to go into a situation where there might be people who could potentially take advantage of you.
Now some other parents choose to not keep an eye on what their kid does on the internet or what influence people are having on their kids, and as a result the child might learn things that their brain isn’t ready to process yet since it isn’t fully developed. This can lead to their child having unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and even get themselves into dangerous situations on the internet and real life. I’m sure many people here and on most social media platforms can understand that, when it comes to unlimited internet access, it can be a dangerous thing for young kids and teens.
However that’s not to say that everything here is bad, there are ways to learn without being exposed to material that your young brain might not be ready for. An example of this is the parental lock on your electronics! You can also TALK to your child, and focus on keeping an open communication. There’s loads of things to prevent either of these scenarios, which I can go into detail abt- but maybe in another ramble
ANYWAYS
What I mean by referring to this topic is that Steven’s situation can be seen as similar (except in a much more dramatic and complex way lol) There are things that the Crystal Gems and Greg could have done to take better care of Steven. An example being the fact that Steven was pushed headfirst into these life or death threats from such a young age. These were about things he was barely aware of until tragedy struck. So what could’ve helped during Classic SU? There could have been better communication, obviously. Greg could have at least helped homeschool Steven, or use the money he made from the car wash to possibly support Steven and the Gems financially. The Crystal Gems should have sat Steven down and told him about his mom and more about the Gem War. He should have had more of an idea of what he was getting into. The only reason he was so enthusiastic was because the Crystal Gems were his main role models since Greg was often working or just doing his own thing.
Time and time again, Steven had to be the adult in situations like when Greg faked a leg injury or when Garnet split because of the Pearl incident. I could name a million more situations where he had to be the bigger person, but I won’t for my sanity.
The Crystal Gems should have gotten more repercussions for the way they treated Steven, the things they put onto his shoulders despite being a literal child. Greg could have been a better dad, because being a dad isn’t just about having fun. Being a dad is hard and can take a lot of you, but you made the choice to bring this child into the world so you have to take responsibility. At least, in Greg’s case that’s what happened. He knew the risks and he still had a kid with Rose, so he should have been around more as Steven grew up.
anhwyas im exhausted, maybe more rambling tmrow lmao idk
love u guys and take careee
#steven universe#steven universe future#steven universe: future#SU#su:f#rambles rambles rambles#soupy thoughts#soup rambles#im so tired
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The heat was unbearable. Sweat was pouring down your face. And although the constant shots of fire came from every direction, and made it seem impossible to breathe, you still managed to get goosebumps from the wails of pain and horror coming from your comrades.
The situation escalated from bad to worse in a matter of minutes. The trainers anticipated SOME death eaters to target the dragons while the rest of Voldemort's army went to the school. However, they didn't anticipate the Giants and Snatchers joining in this pursuit. The Death Eaters hid in the shadows, and flew overhead, while the Giants stormed the gates, and the Snatchers looted whatever they could, whenever they could.
The dragons were furious. And although there were enchantments barricading them inside the compound, it was only a matter of time until the constant firing of spells broke them free. Their roars were deafening. The Horntail's tail struck the ground and it felt as though the earth would break open by the impact. The Ridgeback's screech would have shattered your eardrums if the blood and sweat covering them wasn't acting as a barrier. The Chinese Fireball was roaring simultaneously with the constant wave of fire shooting out of its nose and mouth.
You managed to whip around and hit a snatcher with a body-bind curse. You ran to a near by tree taking down a broom bound Death Eater with a stunning spell.
"AH!" You looked across the clearing and saw your friend and fellow trainer falling back from two Death Eaters. "Protego!" A transparent shield emerged from your wand as you dashed through the flames to reach him. You both took shelter behind a boulder. "We can't take them all!" He had blood seeping through his shirt on his left shoulder. "We have to try!" You bellowed. " Those of us left can hold them off for a little while longer! Get to the nursery, grab all the eggs you can and RUN! Don't look back!" You shook your head, ignoring his commands. "I can't do that! You know I can't!". He took you by the shoulders and shook you furiously " Charlie will never forgive me if I let you die here. There's no use, there's too many of them. Save the eggs and GO!"
At that moment, everything stopped. The noise silenced. The shots of wands ceased. The yelling and growling of the Giants were no more. You both looked at one another... "What just happened?" You shook your head and slowly peared from around the boulder, wands drawn. The grounds were deserted... Slowly, the trainers that were left or able to walk came into view. Their wands drawn as well. The confusion and bewilderment was palpable.
A loud POP sounded from across the clearing. It startled the Dragons into another fit of anger. It brought the trainers back to reality and those who could sprang into action. Casting new protection barriers, running to the nursery, helping the wounded, and those who were not as fortunate...
Suddenly Charlie ran into the clearing. You wanted to yell to him but your throat was swollen shut. You saw him frantically looking in all directions until... his eyes met yours. You ran to him, and him to you. Your bodies collided and you held him with all the strength you had. "Charlie..." your voice was so hoarse you weren't sure if he heard you. "Harry, he did it. He killed him. Voldemort is dead." You took a step back and gripped his arms. You didn't know what to say. You looked at him and all you could see was sadness. His eyes watering as he looked back at you. "Charlie... that's wonderful but... what's wrong? We should be happy...shouldn't we?..." he bowed his head and reached for you. You stepped back towards him and he held you more firmly than before if possible. "Charlie?... Charlie what's wrong? Has something happened?" And at that moment, words tumbled out of his mouth. You couldn't comprehend it all. This couldn't be happening. He recalled everything from the battle at Hogwarts. And listed those lost... Fred... you couldn't believe what you were hearing. Suddenly your goosebumps were back, and a ringing sounded in your ears. At that moment his words became muffled and his cries became sobs. And all you could do was hold him, and thank Merlin you were able to do so one more time.
#Dragon#Dragon's#dragon trainer#wizarding war#wizarding world#death eaters#giants#snatcher#charlie#weasley#charlie weasley#hogwarts#harry potter#stupefy#spells#wand#love#fred weasley#harry potter fanfiction#charlie weasley fanfiction#charlie weasley x reader
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It Will Be Okay
Originally posted June 12th 2022 (Now November 11th)
I am posting all of my old fics onto here so that I can make an official masterlist
Requested by Scratchingmyass (She wanted it first person, so it is.)
Warnings: Self-harm (scratching), Night terror/nightmare, past major character death (Lilith), slight gore
Ship: Dialuci
Type: Hurt/Comfort | Angst
Words: 1168
Summary: Lucifer has been having bad nightmares ever since his sister passed away.
Luckily Diavolo is here to help.
I woke up with my heart beating impossibly fast.
Every chance at breath became a futile attempt, no air officially entering or leaving my exhausted form.
I didn't feel like I was at home. I wasn't in my room anymore.
Lilith was right in front of me.
Lilith was falling. Her hair flew around her in wild waves. Bright blonde contrasing the dark skies behind her.
Lilith was wounded. Blood bubbled and oozed out of her stomach, far too much was seeping out of her for anything to be alright.
Lilith was dying.
.
.
.
I fell
I was falling just as she had been.
I wasn't fast enough. My wings weren't moving fast enough to catch up with her dead weight. They gave up trying, pain becoming too unbelievable.
I land beside her.
I hold her delicate form in my arms, wondering where I went wrong. Her long hair was perfectly framing her face. And she was smiling. Why was she smiling? Couldn't she see she was dying? Tears ran down my face. She was becoming blurry. Tears ran down her face too. But she was smiling.
How could she be smiling at a moment like this!? I placed my hand against her cheek. She was becoming cold. Why was it so cold out? Her skin was icy to the touch. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth. It trailed slowly down the outline of her jaw. Dripping onto her sleevless shoulders. Her state was terrible. Arrows were shot through her stomach. One shot in a very vital organ. Her wings were drenched in blood and agony. The war had been hard for everybody. I was worried everyone wouldn't make it out alive. Whether it be Mammon, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, or God forbid Lilith.
Someone wasn't going to make it.
It was inevitable. Why did it have to be Lilith? The beautiful young girl who fell into the worst kind of forbidden love. The same girl who could put a smile on anyone's face. Cheering up all her older brother's whenever the day's got too rough. The girl who had shiny long hair the ran down to her feet. It would glisten in rain and sun. Making everyone around her curious as to how she kept it so nice. Even if she could be a handful, a troublemaker like Mammon and Belphie had, she was still my sister. My only sister.
Her hand reached up to my face, tremors ran through her body. This only reminded me of her sad state. My tears ran harder. Sobs choking the words I wouldn't have been able to say either way. She brushed my hair out of my face. Most of it fell back into place. But it didn't matter.
"Thank you"
Her eyes were beginning to shut.
"Lilith please don't do this! Think of your family! Think about Beelzebub, Belphegor, your brothers!" "Think about me."
I was sobbing hard, making it difficult not to choke over my own tears.
"You can't leave us Lilith! Please...."
Her eyes were now fully shut.
A hand was placed on my shoulder. I flinched at the sudden action.
"WAKE UP LILITH WAKE UP! YOU CANT- YOU CANT DIE!"
"I won't let you die like this. That's not what he would have wanted Lilith... Please... Think about the sweet human you saved. You're a great angel Lilith. You helped so many people. Please."
"She's far too gone to be saved," A man said behind me.
I look back to see the Prince of Devildom, Diavolo. Next to him was standing another man with teal hair. I vaguely recognized him as the butler that would tend to him whenever the two of us would meet.
"Diavolo, I will do whatever it takes I don't care! Make sure she gets to live on! Gets to find love and grow old with whoever it may be! Gets to live!" I begged him with everything I had.
"Diavolo I pledge my allegiance to you if that's what it takes!" I yell, probably very loudly.
He smiles.
.
.
.
I'm in a cold sweat, laying in my massive bed. That was a couple years ago. Lilith has been dead for years. I could feel my nails digging into my arms. I couldn't save Lilith.
I couldn't save anyone.
Now me and my brothers are stuck in Devildom because of me. Lilith isn't around because of me. Our lives are ruined because of me She's out there in the human world, living life with no knowledge of us. The family that continued grieving for her. She has no knowledge that even after all that I am still sleeping in the same bed as the demon prince.
Speaking of, he had woken up, evidently noticing my loud crying. I was now scratching my arms, looking for some sort of relief from the pain I was feeling. I had failed her.
Diavolo noticed me and softly grabbed my wrists, pulling my hands away from my arms.
"Hey, it's okay, you're okay," He said quietly.
I tried to reach his eyes but found my own dashing around the room.
I was disappointed in myself but I could also sense Diavolo was disappointed in me. After all I hadn't scratched or further in months. Hadn't had a bad nightmare like that in months. All the progress I made felt useless as it all washed away. The angry red marks evidence of yet another one of my failures. I tried to focus on the man in front of me. I was here with Diavolo. The man I loved, dearly. Lilith has been dead for years. It's time to move on. Everything is okay.
"Is it okay if I hug you?" He asked, warmly.
I slowly nodded my head. He carefully embraced me.
"It's okay, Lilith wasn't your fault, neither was it your brother's, only those fighting for the worst side can be blamed," He whispered.
"I want you to know that I am very proud of you, relapse or not," He comforted.
"Thank you Diavolo, for everything," I whispered into his shoulder.
"Of course," He smiled as he loosened the hug so we could look each other in the eyes.
He brushed the hair out of my face. If it reminded me of Lilith, I chose to ignore it. It didn't matter, because he wasn't Lilith. All that matters is that I'm here right now with my loving boyfriend. My brother's are at The House Of Lamentation, doing perfectly fine.
Lilith is in the human world doing fine.
And most importantly, I'm doing fine, and Diavolos doing fine.
It will be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in due time. Lilith will always be painful memory. But, one day maybe I will be able to think of bittersweet memories without bursting out into tears. To stop the urge of scratching my arms until they are bleeding the same way Lilith's were when she died at the slightest thought of her.
Not today, but it will be okay.
#obey me#obey me lucifer#obey me diavolo#obey me dialuci#obey me shall we date#obey me fanfic#fanfic
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Unfortunate Similarities
JJ x Rafe
Masterlist
Summary: JJ and Rafe come to an unexpected understanding.
Category: Slight angst
Warnings: Discussion of their shitty fathers, physical fighting described, drug and alcohol use
Word Count: 1.7k
A/N: In another universe they could’ve tried to be decent to each other.
•••
God, he couldn’t even get a day off.
He goes home and it’s his dad. He goes out and it’s the Kooks.
JJ just wanted a break. Or for it all to be over.
JJ had finally landed a job serving drinks at one of the richy-rich restaurants on the right side of the island, which meant he got reasonable pay, but it also meant he had to deal with richy-rich assholes. JJ was bad at dealing with richy-rich assholes, especially when their last name was Cameron. It was even worse if their first name was Rafe.
Rafe had had it out for him since day one. Of course, it made sense, they were polar opposites. Rafe grew up in a mansion with the perfect family, and JJ grew up in what could barely be considered a shed with no family. At least, no family he liked to admit. They were no better than oil and water.
Or maybe neither of them really tried to actually get along with anyone.
Either way, Rafe and JJ were not friends. Yet somehow, JJ always seemed to end up alone with the guy. Not by choice, he might add.
JJ was just trying to get his paycheck. All he wanted to do was serve his drinks and get paid and go home, but he felt the eyes on him. Rafe had been staring down the back of his head for the past twenty minutes at least. He knew it was coming before it happened, not like Rafe was particularly subtle.
The moment JJ went through the door to the kitchen he felt Rafe behind him. He thought about escape routes, but he was too tired to give any of them a try. And anyways, it was too late to change his mind as the storage room door clicked shut behind him. JJ braced himself.
Rafe was predictable. He grabbed JJ by the shoulders and forced him to turn around and look at him. JJ was smirking. He couldn’t help it, even though he knew it would only make things worse. Rafe said something, but JJ wasn’t listening.
Rafe took a whole two seconds before wiping that smirk right off his face. Right hook to the jaw, left jab to the gut. JJ offered a swing back for show, but didn’t really care if it landed or not. He was on the ground within seconds, a few feet, a few fists. Hard to keep track.
After a minute or so, JJ could no longer remember which spots hurt because Rafe just now hit him there, or if they were bruises being reinjured from his dad the night before. Not like it really mattered.
Rafe was looming over him, holding him up by the collar of his shirt with one hand and beating his face in with the other. Blood spilled down JJ’s face, and he could see the white of his shirt seeping away. He laughed.
It must’ve caught Rafe so off guard because he stopped for a moment, fist in the air.
“What’s so funny, Maybank?” Rafe demanded. JJ choked around a laugh, shaking his head. “What’s your problem? Finally realized you can’t take me?”
JJ shook his head again. “Look man, you and my dad seem to be doing a hell of a job tag teaming me until I’m dead so I might as well just get it over with. You actually have something to lose, and I’d rather destroy your life than his, so do it. Kill me. Have your fun then finish it.”
JJ’s eye had already begun to swell, and the blood wasn’t improving his vision, but he could still see the change in Rafe. He stood over JJ, holding his head up by the collar, fist overhead… and then he just dropped him.
Rafe seemed more shocked than JJ by his actions. Rafe took a few steps back and sat down while JJ, head dead weight on the ground, stared up at the light above him. He’d never noticed before that it made a small buzzing sound. Or maybe that was just his ears ringing, hard to be sure.
JJ laid there on the cool tile for what felt like hours. Then he realized that he never heard the door open. It took some mental convincing and all his physical effort to prop himself up on his elbows and lift his head to look.
Rafe was still sitting there on the floor next to JJ’s limp legs. JJ plopped his head back on the floor. He decided not to waste energy on trying to figure out why the guy hadn’t left, or why he hadn’t gone back to kicking the shit out of him, or why Rafe did anything.
Finally, Rafe made a move to stand up, and JJ figured he was coming back for round two. Instead, he made his way over to the fridge and started rummaging around.
Oh great, now he’s stealing from me too. I’m definitely getting fired.
Rafe returned, two beers in hand, and sat back down across from JJ. JJ lifted his head to stare at the guy who’d always hated him holding one of the beers out in his direction. He must’ve been as tired as JJ was.
As confusing as it was, JJ was not the type to turn down alcohol, especially when his head hurt as much as it did, so he propped himself up on his elbows again and took the can. Neither boy wasted any time cracking the top and taking a large swig.
They sat there drinking and staring until Rafe finally broke the silence. “I don’t actually have that much to lose.”
JJ just stared at him.
“Sarah is the favorite. I’m the fuck up. My dad’s not all that great either.”
“Right. I’m sure the mansion is just salt in the wound. Not very many places to hide in a place so small,” JJ scoffed.
“Listen, Maybank, you’re not the only one with problems on this island.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Cause last I checked, I don’t have anyone to bail me out or cover my fuck ups or leave me with a shit load of money. The best I have going for me is prison, and every goddamn person on this island knows it and is just waiting for me to screw up big enough to take me down. That ever happen to you?” Rafe was silent. “That’s what I fucking thought.”
JJ was tired of looking at Rafe’s face, and knew he had to get back to work, so he took another long drink and forced himself to a sitting position. It hurt like hell, but he refused to show that on his face. He put the can down and his hands on the floor behind him in an attempt to push himself up, but fell back to the floor. JJ grit his teeth and tried again, but it was no use. He finished off his drink.
Rafe stood and offered JJ a hand. The third surprise of the day. JJ started to believe he was hallucinating, but took his hand anyway. Rafe lifted him from the ground to his feet, and JJ winced as his shoulder was stretched. JJ did not thank him for helping, only turned around and went to find another shirt. This wasn’t the first time something or someone had ruined his white work shirt, so he knew where they kept the extras.
JJ stripped his shirt off and threw the new one on, hoping he’d remember to come back for the bloody one to burn later tonight. When he turned around, Rafe was staring at him with wide eyes.
“Admiring your work?” JJ deadpanned.
“A lot of that was not my work.”
JJ shrugged. “You’ve never had a real fight.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“Oh yeah?” JJ asked, taking a step toward Rafe. “When was the last time your dad hit you, tough guy?”
“This morning,” Rafe answered, without a breath of hesitation. “Guess he’s not a fan of cocaine.”
JJ took a moment to think, then replied, “Too bad. I could use some. Got any on ya?”
Rafe snorted. “In the middle of the restaurant you’re supposed to be working?”
JJ shrugged. “I’ll be fired in a week. Might as well have some fun.”
JJ sat down and Rafe joined him on the floor. He pulled a bag, not of white, but of a brownish-green out of his pocket. JJ scoffed. “Oh come on, I thought you had something more interesting.”
“Best I could do,” Rafe retorted. Each boy rolled like a pro and lit up themselves. Clouds of smoke soon filled the air. The headache JJ had was finally subsiding.
They got more than halfway through their joints (it wasn’t a competition but JJ was burning through his quicker) before they broke the silence.
“We’re gonna end up just like them.” The statement was so shocking to hear out loud that JJ didn’t realize it was him that said it until Rafe responded.
“It’s not looking good.”
“We can try, can’t we? We have a shot…” JJ said it with more skepticism than hope.
Rafe sat on that for a while before replying, “We can pretend to, but…” He cut himself off, shaking his head.
JJ mirrored the motion and gave a single laugh. “We’re too far gone.”
Neither spoke after that. When the paper burned out, JJ got up to go back to his job. He left Rafe there on the floor of the storage room with his thoughts and a half-inch left before the fun ran out.
JJ wasn’t quite sure exactly what had happened within that half-hour, and wouldn’t have been able to convince himself it was real either if it weren’t for the change in behavior.
At the next party, Rafe and JJ had to pull Topper and John B off each other, but that’s where the excitement ended. They stood there for a few seconds staring at each other, but then Rafe gave a single nod, JJ returned it, and they took their friends away with them.
After that, Rafe and JJ had a silent agreement to leave each other alone. Not friends. Never. Not even close. But they realized they had enough unfortunate similarities to call it a day. And neither was complaining about that.
#obx fanfiction#jj obx#obx imagine#rafe outer banks#obx#obx fic#rafe obx#obx angst#jj outer banks#jj maybank#jj maybank imagine#outerbanks rafe#rafe angst#outer banks imagines
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Rattlers
Heads up: this is a short 'n not-so-sweet thing based on the idea that Hydra had no boundaries when it came to experimenting on kids. CW for past violence against children, child death, and some gore. It's grim but Bucky does his best to make that rescue tag happen. Thanks for reading!
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He finds their bodies on the fifth sublevel.
They’re so far down that the walls reek of damp mildew and infection. Cold seeps through the wet concrete and settles underneath his skin with a twinge of unsettling familiarity. Through the dim lighting he can see them splayed out over the filthy tables and chairs and flooring, curled up in corners with their heads knocked back against the walls like they would have slept for a thousand hungry years if allowed. His breath hollows out in his stomach. One scrawny thing has her arms crushed beneath her like broken wings. Another has dried blood smeared beneath sagging eyelids, and it’s a sick sort of gratefulness in knowing they won’t open in flushed horror. Barnes closes his own eyes and retches, hard. The sound echoes and rings in his ears.
He walks, so slow, so quiet, among them. Slaughtered things, some of them delicate and withered, others packed with rotting muscle and heavy jaws. He only makes it a few steps further into the room before the true horror hits.
They are still breathing.
Rattling lungs to his left. Another’s eyes snap open wide. There is wheezing through teeth and stiff necks rolling in his direction, bodies paralyzed with wounds or fear as he jumps into action. Panic has reignited in his chest, hot and sharp. He doesn’t know what to do. There’s only one of him, they didn’t think an extraction team would be necessary.
“Steve.” He chokes into his comm. “They’re–Steve, I need medical.”
“On its way,” And Steve’s voice grounds him, just a little. “How bad are you hurt?”
“Not for me,” Barnes says. He’s already assessing the room in earnest, now, sorting out the casualties from the living. This boy shakes from his touch and he shushes him as he braces his broken leg.
He can hear the moment it clicks. “The kids–?”
“Alive,” he grunts, rolling a lifeless body off of another. Anxious fingers wait for a pulse and find none. “Some, in the northwest corner. Rest of the building should be clear.”
“We’ll meet you there,” Steve says. “How many?”
“At least four–fuck, five. Hi,” he says, to a girl who is seemingly very conscious and very aware of who he used to be. “Shit day, I know. I’m gonna tourniquet your leg now, and it’s not gonna feel good. Deep breath–” She screams. “Good job. Okay. Steve?”
“ETA five minutes.”
“Tell Stark I know he can go faster, this isn’t one of his kitschy tourist flights to the Bahamas.” He ducks his head to another concave chest to listen for an exhale.
“They’re dead.” The girl with the shattered arms rasps.
He slowly sits up. “I know.”
“We all died.”
“Okay,” he says, and crouches next to her. There’s not much he can do without moving her upper body.
“Are you going to kill us?”
“No.”
Her eyes well up with furious tears. He’s surprised her body still has enough water to do that. She must not have been down here for long.
“You should,” she whispers. “Why–why won’t you–why–”
He doesn’t have the words, but it doesn’t matter because he can hear the med team charging down the hallway.
“Incoming,” he says, and she squeezes her eyes shut.
“Do it now. Please, before they take us away again.”
“I can’t do that, doll. They’re gonna help, okay? I promise–”
“No, no, no no no–”
“I’ll stay with you,” he says, half in desperation as he stops her from bashing her head back against the cement floor. “They won’t try anything if I’m there, okay?”
She’s losing consciousness. “Because…Солдат…”
“That’s me.” His lips thin as he brushes his metal hand over her forehead. “Stay awake.”
“Зимний Солдат…”
“Don’t wear it out.”
It’s strange, he thinks, that this comforts her so easily. He tries not to think about the implications as the medics flood in.
#aa13 writes#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#steve rogers#marvel#mcu#fanfiction#marvel fanfiction#hurt/comfort#rescue#tw death#tw child abuse#tw body horror#potentially part of a greater super serum/mutant kiddos series#are y'all interested in meeting the survivors?
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CotEA-Chapter 11
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Feeling the cold edge of the sword, Shi Dai quickly replied to his question: "Of course, I'm afraid of death. The only reason I didn't evade is because my legs went weak. Can’t we just have a peaceful discussion? Maybe put your sword away?"
A low chuckle came from above her head.
The long sword didn't move at all, but Jiang Baiyan leaned over, closing the distance between them.
What was meant to be a question was turned into an indisputable statement by him, his voice gentle but chilling: "Young Miss Shi fears me?"
A'Li tensed all over, holding its breath as it lay on Shi Dai's shoulder.
Jiang Baiyan was extremely tall, and with an open window between him and Shi Dai, a pitch-black shadow fell over them due to the close distance.
Those smiling peach blossom eyes were brimming with hostility, sending too much pressure; just one glance made its legs weak.
This was bad.
What should they do now?
As the reincarnation of the original soul, Shi Dai's soul was perfectly fused with this body. Even if they brought a shaman from the Exorcism Bureau, they wouldn't be able to detect the change.
But the point was... If Jiang Baiyan wanted to hurt her, did it matter whether Shi Dai was the original soul or not?
He didn't have any fondness for the original soul to begin with.
Right now Jiang Baiyan clearly had murderous intent. Even though he was constrained by the blood gu and couldn't kill Shi Dai, he could still make her disappear without a trace, subjecting her to a fate worse than death.
A lunatic raised from childhood in dark sorcery could do anything.
A'Li cursed silently in its heart.
The current situation didn't allow it to act rashly. It could only hold its breath, ready to pounce forward at any moment to buy time for Shi Dai.
With Shi Dai's personality, she probably would say some comforting words, right?
Like "I believe you're not a bad person" or "I just want to treat you well"——
But would Jiang Baiyan fall for that?
As A’Li was fretting and overthinking, it unexpectedly saw Shi Dai reach out her right hand.
Her movement was light and quick, bringing a breeze with it as she grabbed Jiang Baiyan's wrist.
This action appeared out of nowhere, making A'Li's eyes widened, while Jiang Baiyan was also taken aback.
What Shi Dai didn't know was that before she showed up here, Jiang Baiyan had cut a blood mark on his wrist.
Her index finger touched the edge of the wound perfectly, just grazing it through the sleeve, and because the pressure was extremely light, it didn't hurt.
It was only a feather-like itch.
Jiang Baiyan's eyelashes trembled.
Amidst the intense pain all over his body, this slight itch felt like a snowflake falling into molten lava, lingering on his skin, then slowly seeping into his bones, causing him to shudder.
Jiang Baiyan didn't understand what this feeling was.
"Young Miss Shi." Jiang Baiyan raised an eyebrow: "What does this mean?"
"I don't fear you, only the sword."
Shi Dai let go of his wrist: "Look, I dare to touch you like that, but I don't dare to touch your blade–––swords have no eyes after all. Whether it's Young Master Jiang or an eighty-year-old man or woman holding a sword at my neck, I would be afraid."
Jiang Baiyan: ...?
Completely not expecting her to say something like that, Jiang Baiyan paused unusually.
This was the first time he had ever been compared to an old man or old woman.
He wasn't annoyed, but laughed lightly: "Young Miss Shi understands that swords have no eyes, is that why you brought a dagger to my heart?"
What dagger?
A'Li, completely puzzled, lowered its head, then took a sharp gasp.
Taking advantage of Jiang Baiyan's momentary confusion, Shi Dai actually pulled out the short dagger from her sleeve and aimed it straight at his chest.
This, this, this, this——
A newborn calf who wasn’t afraid of the tiger!
She hadn't even left the newbie village, and she was already challenging the demon king?
"Just self-defense. Young Master Jiang wouldn't swing his sword at me, would he?"
Shi Dai blinked, her tone unusually serious: "I really can't remember what happened in the past. Since you suspect me of being possessed, you might as well go with me to the Exorcism Bureau and examine my soul——if you've wronged me, you owe me an apology."
She knew her voice was trembling.
How could it not tremble? The sword held against her neck was real.
Even though she had mentally prepared herself, in such a confrontation, she couldn't help but feel nervous.
In the prolonged silence, Shi Dai heard her own pounding heartbeat, one after another.
She took a shallow breath, suppressing her fluctuating emotions, not showing any signs of fear.
This time, Jiang Baiyan didn't respond.
Again, he was a bit puzzled.
He had expected Shi Dai to cry or say something grandiose in an attempt to appease him and draw closer to him.
Just like those two evil practitioners did to him in his childhood.
But instead, this girl did not hesitate at all to place a short dagger against his heart and demand an apology from him.
He lowered his gaze, and Shi Dai looked up at him. Her head tilted back, locking eyes with him. Her almond-shaped eyes resembled bright pearls, devoid of any fear, staring straight at him as if she were a defiant, proud cat.
The cold wind brushed past the window, making the window rattle.
"My apologies."
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I am in constant form and brain lagged
Sometimes I perform sequences of actions purely due to my intrusive thoughts. Obviously the worst ones would get filtered out, but the actions I perform would be the abnormal and most cringe-inducing ones. For example, after getting out of the shower and getting ready to dress, once in a blue moon I would put on my clothes in weird orders. The most recent one in order was socks, shirt, underwear, then sweatpants. Why? I do not know. It just happens.
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James Clear once said that "if you can get 1% better each day for one year, you'll end up [about 37.78] times better by the time you're done", but what if it is the other way around? Before that, let us delve into the finer details.
Technically, you can view anything you do as an 'improvement'. Famous phrases like "look at the bright side" or expressions of that nature exist for you to calm you down; to give you an excuse to not feel as bad, and in some cases, not at all for whatever you may have done. In that sense, everything you do is, strictly speaking, an improvement.
Like many other words, the definition of improvement is open for interpretation. That is why many laws are open for interpretation. As a judge in court, you will be biased and your feelings will be involved in a case no matter how objective you want to or perceive to be. Your perspective will always be involved and will be the determining factor of that case. No matter what the plaintiff or defendant may argue for or against, you will have the final word. Your decision in that moment can be one's nightmare but will also be a relief to another. Your ruling can kill off one just as fast you can bring another up.
So how can we tell if we are improving? It is entirely based off perspective. To seek an answer, you must ask yourself what you want to improve at and in what direction?
Confusing or unclear? Maybe. Let us expand on this idea.
The first half is self explanatory. What aspect do we want to focus on? Your answer to this can be broad or specific and there is no correct answer.
The second half should not be an afterthought, but rather take on the role of being the fuel for your desire. Your answer to this widely varies on what you want for the first half. However, unlike the first half, if your answer for this is too broad, it will be more susceptible for excuses to seep through and destroy what you are building because you have no clear goal.
Here are some examples:
I want to start becoming a better human being. To do that, I need to improve on myself.
You can see that person's desire is to become a "better human being" which is the first half of the question. The latter is them saying "I need to improve on myself". On paper, that sounds great. However, it is not clear on the aspects in which they want to improve on. On their journey to become a better human being, they might neglect or develop bad habits that, in hindsight, will affect them negatively. For example, they can work on losing weight, but if they obsess on that feature too much, they may develop body-dysphoria, anorexia, and related issues.
My father wants me to be a nurse and my mother is requiring me to take over her real estate when I get successful. To do that, I need to study nursing of science, real-estate related business, and economics.
Although a lot of work, the second half is great. You have a solid understanding on what to do. It does not mean it is so strict that you have every hour planned out, but it also is not so loose that you will be too susceptible to build bad habits because you decided to intake information that is under a smaller umbrella. So what about the first half?
"Does it still count as improvement even if it is not what I want?"
Yes, it is still improvement. If your actions and the second half aligns, that is clear evidence you are improving. Even if you are not content with it, if it is within your goal and you are progressing through it, you are improving.
"Does that mean I should ignore what I truly want for myself?"
That depends on yourself. Ponder and wonder. Sit with yourself for that one because no one but yourself can answer that for you. What the general public thinks does not matter because it is not their business.
I want to be able to play instruments well. For that, I will learn and practice the piano and violin everyday for at least an hour each instrument. My goal is to play pieces of relatively greater difficulty with great clarity and commendable performance.
Splendid. You have a clear want. The aspects you want to improve at is clear. Not much to be said.
As you perform these actions in an effort to improve, your perspective will see them as improvements. However, other people may have a different opinion. Your improvement can be someone's downgrade. That is the power of perspective.
To answer the original question, you will simply become ~39.19x worse over one year. There was no need to delve into great detail to answer that.
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My dad gives me the silent treatment a lot more now, especially this past year. He knows it hurts me. He used to do it to my sister everyday of her existence growing up. He was an absolute monster to my sister. He was so abusive. Mentally emotionally, physically sometimes but not really. It was more intimidation tactics. But now that he’s older he’s more of a shell of the craziness that he was. But now bc I don’t live as close, it’s easier for him to find any way to be upset with me. It’s only until I say something mean to him through text or manipulative or make a joke countering his immaturity to make it look like the narrative is in my control, is when I get a response and we become good again. My mom and sister always point out, he can never be on good terms with all of my siblings at the same time. He finds some way some how, to find a reason to label us as the enemy and ignores one of us. Discards us. He doesn’t know how to be on good terms with people. My brothers the favorite so it doesn’t happen to him really. My dad still tries to guilt my brother and use him, but my brother doesn’t stand for it anymore even tho the guilt does eat at him from time to time. “You don’t love me anymore” “I’m gonna cry for you when you leave me”. What kind of dad says that to a kid? The discarding doesn’t happen to my sister as much anymore (thank god, I’d rather take it. She’s endured so much abuse that will last her a lifetime it’s so sad my parents were monsters to her…. My dad was on another level). She learned to put her boundaries down and trained him if he says some dumb or triggering shit, she will leave the conversation. She won’t play into it. She distances. Thats how he learned. He doesn’t have a choice, bc he doesn’t have access to people like he used to anymore. I’m the easy scapegoat now. It hurts. It sucks. I love him so much but Ik I can only take him in doses. I take all the love I can get from him whenever it’s present bc I know it’s conditional and can go away in an instant. I joke it off, I’ll call him mean or manipulative things back to get a reaction or get back on his good side some way. I’ll be like “dad what if I died then what? Then you’ll be upset that you’re mean to me.” I’ve told him at least once I think, “I wish I wasn’t alive” just to get a response from him, to get some sort of loving response. That isn’t right, but he’s done that to so many people AND WORSE WAY WORSE, so I do it to him. Me, my mom and sister consider me and my brother as my dad’s karma bc we challenge him the way my mom and sister never could’ve. But it hurts me a lot. And he knows it. He thrives off it actually. It sucks, the cognitive dissonance of knowing your dad is not a good person. He does not have a good heart. And yet we all love him so much. To know your dad, if he wasn’t your dad, could be a bad person to you (and has done bad things) if you weren’t his blood is.. wild. And we are his blood and yet we are not immune to the abuse clearly, so I cannot imagine. But we take the good and try our best to cut off/disconnect from the bad. A gray area! Cognitive dissonance!
I feel I’m only manipulative to people who are manipulative to me first (I always approach with kindness and good energy until I sense something off.. then I match what you give me). Kind of like a tit for tat. I only do it to people I can’t escape in my life but “need” in my life. Like my dad. Like my stepdad. Like work managers. I give them their same energy back. I don’t stoop to their level per se, but sometimes yeah. It’s scary. The more you do an action no matter your level of awareness and justification around it, will start to seep into your actual personality after a while. I walk the line very cautiously, and then I have to reprogram myself again. And again and again and again. It’s funny the human experience is a constant battle, a constant walking the line and to not tip over into one side more than the other. And when it inevitably happens— when you inevitably tip the scales— it’s a mini journey to get back to where you were (well it’s never really the same, or hopefully better/past where you were with the new awareness). It’s always a back and forth, ebb and flow that is alongside the ebbs and flows of the life around you at that moment.. We all have a darkness within us. The more you tap into it obviously the more it comes up. Obviouslyyyy. There’s always gonna be a darkness inside of us somewhere. ALL of us. It will never go away. It’s ignorant to ignore or deny its existence. But it’s all about maintaining “the beast”. Acknowledging them not shaming them, but not tapping into them too much. Even with the light, you have to tread carefully at times. Oh man what an experience the human experience is!!!
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In the pit of HELL...
My skull felt as though it would explode while my body throbbed with a ravaging torment I'd not experienced before…shocking, right? Yet here I was writhing in it. So encased that even my hair follicles pulsated with the agony, and I wanted to rip every ebony strand out. I was on the ground, not just any floor but at the bottom of a pit, and I had to climb my way out. How do you do that when even your fingertips bleed with the need to give up? I squeezed my diamond eyes shut, closing out the last bit of light. Was that such a bad thing? To just stop, let the abyss take me as its next victim? Exhaustion didn’t touch what I was, I doubt there was a name for it and right now I could barely remember my own name.
I shifted a mere inch and regretted it instantly as white hot pain lanced through my very existence, what was left of it. Literal wetness filled the corners of my tightly shut eyes and thankfully for that slight action because it gave me just enough anger to cling onto. Right now I would take any fucking thing, even hated tears. My head rested against the unforgiving cold stone floor and I started an inner dialogue with myself…yes I fucking talk to myself all the damn time. Fuck you.
‘One fucking foot in front of the other…first I guess I need to make sure they still work. Does it matter? One way or another you have to make this work.’
Movement was imperative, time probably was too but right now I could only manage to focus on one thing. First I moved one arm and swiftly resented the actions as the out of joint bones snapped into place, silent screams threatened to escape through clenched teeth. One long deep breath…two longer deeper breaths, and finally three more leveled out breaths followed.
‘I got this. Yup I have this alfuckingright.’
My top busted lip came up in a snarl and I locked onto every fucking ounce of control I had left within me. With one hand positioned somewhat solidly on the floor I worked on pushing my upper body into something more of a sitting position. I managed to use the misshapen rock wall behind me to assist in getting half of me up and it worked but it also ripped into my back with its jagged stone edges. I could feel fresh warm blood seeping from the wounds, imprinting itself into the earth around me.
In all this time I still had yet to reopen my eyes. Part of me wanted to clutch onto the darkness, it was familiar to me, almost comforting and for right now I allowed despair to mingle with its outer edges. It was just another layer to add onto the many that were already running rampant.
My head rested in the crook of two rocks, almost using them as a kickstand for my neck, giving me a small reprieve from holding it up on my shoulders.
‘Damn, I know I’m fucked when my own heads weighs to much for me to carry. BUT…it will have to happen.’
After a few more of those measured breaths, my tongue slid out over sore lips and tasted my dried blood. That actually had my canines shoving straight down into place and my iridescent eyes opening. My body was beaten to a pulp with my blood spilling out. Hmmm…is this my worst day yet? Maybe. I needed to get off my ass and onto my feet, I couldn’t very fucking well get myself out of here and disembowel/skin some fuckers if I didn’t.
I use both physical and mental pain as a focus point. It can drive me to the edge if I allow it, or it can guide me in a direction I need if controlled correctly. Right now it was just a tad skewed but I had enough of it in abundance at the moment that any direction it took me in right now, had to be better than where I was,
Alright hands planted on ground, knees brought up with feet flat, and my absolutely destroyed back solid against rocks I inched my way upwards. It was a feat that I silently cursed through while fighting the desire to just stop and sit back down.
‘That’s not a fucking option. You have no other choice but to move. You can’t very well filet a motherfucker if you are down here.’
I roll my eyes at myself and reply, of course.
‘Fuck you and fuck everthing else. I swear to fuck when I get out of here I’m using my teeth for this gutting and I will still keep the fucker alive and roast him on a pit until I so choose its time for his last breath.’
Okay yeah that gave me some momentum. I mean come on, cold hard bloody revenge is always enough to get the blood pumping.
I stood up, shitkickers rooted in place, letting my equilibrium settle back down and started with one hand in front of the other. I climb up, holding on for everything I was worth, boots searching out edges to connect with while the new onset of exercising pumps my heart and blood, giving me energy while draining it out of me at the same time through my wounds. I couldn’t think about that right at this time because moving was more of a priority. I was gaining momentum, straining my bare arms and chest as I pulled my six foot six body up the damn wall. I hadn’t yet made it halfway but I was getting there and then all hell broke down on me…quite literally.
It was like I was an animal locked in a cage and they yanked the top open, allowing all natural sunlight to flood in like a brilliant rain storm. At first my icy eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing! How many fucking years had it been since I laid sight on the big gold ball in the sky? I was over three hundred years old if that helps you figure that answer out. Of course I had a millisecond to register any of that before my flesh sizzled in an eerie smoke and then bits of my flesh started sparking to light in a fire I didn’t create…
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You Will Manifest Towers Until You Tune In ~ 5D Trust Yourself
It is very key at this time dear lighted ones, to trust what Creation is showing you ~
There are moments, people, our collective unveiling that is purging, the darkness is being shown, and what is offered will be varied degrees of darkness based on what each need to learn, return within, and make discernment choices and how you choose to give your energy to, believe.
There are deep wounds, collective, mirror the individual ~ when a person can fool the world, the country, community, it is key and a very profound lesson to know 'what is it that I did not trust, know, believe within myself' to have this unfold;
Be that one that trusts what you sense, feel, and choose anew;
Others can act, behave, choose to lie, choose to warp truth, warp reality for their own kicks, and even masking of their wounding - it matters not - what matters is you see beyond the situation and heal - there is also something within you that can be a higher truth -
Inner trust is everything ~ it is the light within you and what is within can pierce through what is not; someone that lives a life of deceit, can fool a lot of people and when the truth does come out, all must look within to what, how, and in what way was the truth denied and why?
There are people that will create stories, narratives, deceit, manipulate environments, those within it, there are those that are very gifted with psychic, energy and the controlling of energy - black warlocks, black witches; and will create whatever, however they choose - even forcing thought imprints to innocent minds, through various skills like mind-scraping, thought projections, to gain buy-in, and ways in which they seek 'weaknesses' and they know how to seep within such weaknesses, to then break, take, pull down;
Compassion and Forgiveness is, Truth is ~ Know What You Feel & Sense
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Those that do not want to see who they are, fool many in the process, and do not care who they hurt, how they hurt and are still not willing to go within and sort out why would they even want to do so; the world has given them what they wanted, never been held accountable for their actions, harm to others, lives in a world of deceit, manipulates and thwarts others to see stories their way, using tactics that many simply do not know, would not even consider would come from someone hell bent on power, and using it covertly to ensure none would see them, know this of them;
THE PROFUNDITY of the WHEEL - IT must turn; evolution is
Regardless of where you are at in such situations in the above video; see it not as right, wrong, good bad, see it as neutral and where-ever you are at - see truth, there is a higher truth; if a deceitful person is before you - is there something within you that you have still been denying; your greatness, your even deeper and higher truth? ©
Can you go and sing, and be fully you - even if some treat you as second best, reject you, and create schemes and plans to reject you - that being their projection of their own rejection and your lesson for even greater self acceptance
This is the perpetual wheel of growth - if you choose - or continue deep karmic pain and suffering - it is not necessary.
Competition, to be seen as the winner; lack of self, no sense of self, the defining of self through outer world, manipulate the world around them to feed the demon; most have demonic entities to feed so that in the feeding the person will see and know the wound; however most do not choose to do the healing;
When you call such situations out when someone gets one over on someone, to awaken when people are deceived and projected mind thoughts, imprints; call it out, so that when you are not there, they can see, sense, feel when forced thoughts and energy are not their own; ©
SHADOW TRIUMPHS ~ Use the Shadow & Facing It Is Your 5D Portal - Use your Story to help others - call it when it is before you - trust in truth, alignment
All you need in life to be soulfully at peace, in health, honour of your highest path, abundance of the spirit is to simply be authentic
If you do not know who you are - you cannot be authentic - you are simply playing games with the outer, using the outer, changing, moulding yourself to play pretend and can be very dissociative psychologically, and one can get lost in reality, truth, and further deepening psychosis as the light progresses
Deceit is a trigger reaction, way of behaving - safety mechanism to non self acceptance; acknowledge, accept the pain - allow the pain, the wounding and then allow the light to show you a new path around whatever you face - you do not have to lie;
The inner child, seeking its place of safety, how it will be accepted, through not healing the inner wound of rejection, of self abandonment, it will seek ever greater tactics to warp its environment to its needs; that is how painful some inner wounds are, and some are very good at spinning experiences to their magnetic force field; their fields, bodies, mind; all mental, that is where the wounds exist and have not been healed through the emotional bodies, fields, spiritually been allowed to roam and feel into its liberation - thus remains trapped in the mental matrix and becomes more anxiety ridden until the game goes their way
Remember - energy is energy - it is up to each how it is used;
If the person is deeply wounded, not doing the inner work, denying itself of self love, self direction, self compassion, self ownership and accountability - the owning of self, the fragments will continue to spur behaviour in the wounding; or negative behaviour - the wound is not being fed with what will truly heal it - love, forgiveness, compassion©
Remember - in extreme cases, those that have the deepest wounds, also have the most profound healing power and light for more positive use; it is all how one chooses; if one is not healing the wounds, they can degrade themselves, and do, act, be what only makes the wounding worse; rather than perceiving that deep wound as the bucket of light that can enter, be it; and then use this to manifest anything - it is all One - determined by the inner choosing, to face what is going on -
FEEL WHAT YOU NEED TO - This allows the energy to move so that you do not have to think of the next lie, the next deceit, the next tower that is always following the deceit - this is reality showing you -
When you look at what is - it is your path to healing; face in self honesty - this is healing ©
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If you lie, deceive, manipulate on a regular basis; there is a rejection wound deep within you - once you get to that wound, then heal it through love, giving yourself love
Every moment - before you lie, before you try to manipulate environments, stories; maybe your greatest act is to surrender within and do what your highest self is and has been showing you - make right on you
maybe that tower is what you had to manifest to see what damage is done in deceit, then people leave, when people catch you in it vibrationally and just do want to engage - energy is energy and know that that thing had to happen for you to see and face what you and only you created - no one lies for you - you lie and choose to remain in it -
Be it a company that you know deceives its patrons, members or employees, all have a part to play in bathing corruption of the spirit and cleansing our behaviour and worlds to that of oneness of self, within, and outer follows suit
There will be, those that will not buy in to your deceit, stories or manipulation; God, Source, your own highest self will place those before you - that is the gift;
Can you stand and look at yourself and surrender to your wounding, and know that life is not win or loose, it is a journey of making you -
Can you change your outcome? - it is up to you to put ego aside, see life in that moment not as a win-loose but as a moment to heal - accept who you are, claim it, heal it, and do what you can to ensure you make it right - taking the circumstances and learning is your gift; so teach and offer it - where ever you are, use your life as a gift and offer to help others -
The Result of Deceit - -> You don't have to hurt those you say you love, care about simply to get your way - it is false, loosing those you love is not 'getting your way' - you are going through something profound to help others and there will be those before you as a GIFT to show you - there is truth; use it, be it and see what occurs
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TRULY UNDERSTAND what OCCURS WHEN YOU HEAL DECEIT
The level of light, love, honour that flows through your vessel cramped in deceit, density from deceiving and seeking the next thrill of fooling another, the innocent and claiming that energy - is far outweighing and will heal the wounds connected with taking from others; entities of deceit, attachments, attract such; you will attract those that also lie to you, to feed off of one another - all is energy - and such is the karmic game -
All get to choose how to play and make no mistake about it - no person wants nor deserves to be continually damaged by the deceit - however grandiose the game and lie may get, and how many people one can fool to have stand with them in this lie; remember hitler - there were many that stood with him and many things done that after the fact, everyone had to heal - many saw the red flags and many knew they were being fooled; those beings take great place in our social realms - they help us do the inner work to know when you know truth you know it, call it and show all a better way -
Manipulation and deceit is a wound; heal it - the light that you gain, the health, the power of attraction you gain in doing so will be the gift and nothing compares - that is why those that have done the work; stand firm, will not stand down when truth is being manipulated and taken advantage of and one will not waiver - the work has been done - even if the majority - like Tesla - stood behind is pivotal work and proved 100 years later - he did not lie, he spoke of portending scientific knowing; he was a Starseed and used his scientific genius to help humanity understand our ability to defy quantum mechanics
Daily - do the inner work; why do I lie?
why did I lie to that person I said, I know I love
why do I feel I have to lie, to manipulate to get my way - I want to feel accepted, I want to feel love, to feel truly appreciated -
Just know dear ones, when you go within and do this work, there is nothing greater and no person outer of you that can appreciate you the only way you can when you feel that deep self love of alchemizing your own shit
None - you are the one you want appreciation from- knowing you are a master of alchemy and take what is a very deep dark wound and make it loving and soft and honouring - you do not have to lie
You are accepted by God, Source, Creation - heal the wound of rejection - love yourself, honour yourself -
Be this for you - there is nothing greater - and bless the person that called you on your shit --> your highest self chose that person that can see, that can predict, that can see through darkness to help you - see .......there is another way that does not cause harm to you or any
Rejection --> Acceptance --> Then Redesign & Choose Anew
Manipulation = Deceit --> Wanting which is a feeding of yourself, the outer to feed the inner - making an environment your way, controlling outcome, controlling people, controlling thoughts, all is you - wanting to be fed through outer; for it will feed that LACK OF SENSE OF SELF that is only of within - redesign through you and inner - only you do this
The person calling you on your deceit and tactics of unhealed wounding is not the problem, or the one that is your problem; they are the gift sent from Source, your highest self to face who you are and change your life - All before you is a gift;
Release such experiences as a defensive act; it is purely showing you - you need to heal - surrender within and heal - the deceit is not worth the pain of the tower that will fall, the demon, the entity the loss, which deceit always leads to loss; it is not necessary - simply do the healing
One of Our Most Profound Healing Teachings Downloaded by the Mother, the Divine feminine consciousness collectives;
Divine Sacred Relationship© - how powerful this is when you 'get' it and offer it in all moments of healing, being a divine mediator of continuing higher resolve;
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These are those cases in which, you will see someone spin stories, even portendings, if it someone using their gifts to manipulate viewers, pull people in and then hold energy, spells over them; people actually do this - rather than being authentic and healing what is not authentic; their wounds of rejection are deep and usually stems to the lack of care, attention, mothering and father rejections; that we are to go within and be this healer for ourselves when you are aware, awake, you can go within and do such, rather than continuing toxic and harmful cycles;
Such experiences are those we have to cross in our paths to ensure that we are paying attention to all within and trust it, even if there are those that gang, bully, make up stories to the contrary and when all is said and done; the truth will be, and when you have called it, the harm to others, the deceit to others, the tower moments, do not have to be; but there are some that simply refuse to use their own life experience and make a new life of healing and helping others - which can be such a profound service to humanity - to face who and what they have done may be too much, and ego uses controlling experiences than face their own shadow; the shadow is the portal to your greatest abundance - of the spirit, and of the riches in all aspects,
People that do such intentionally do not like that others catch on to their game, their manipulation and do so with compassion; these are very wounded people that feel they have to change, mould and be what the world wants of them; much staunch dogmatic woundings and learning at an early age; how to lie and get away with it; how to get acceptance and then take such to an enth degree.
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Know you are supported;
USE YOUR LIFE AS THE GIFT - 5D SHIFTS
What is your pure intent; if you sit with pure intent to feel what is needed, sort it out - when you chose to first deceive and why?
What if you were the first person to set out to heal and be the example of truly healing narcism? There would be billions aching for this help and mastery -
What if you were the one that showed people to own this power of self acceptance and healing it to magnificence and what genuine vulnerability is this for you to own this, and see and be the new piercing truth to collectives that need those that are truth;
This is mastery - you can fool some of the people some of the time, but never all the people all the time; there is a higher ground your highest self is showing you that is available - be the teacher for others that have been through what you went through - that is using your life as your greatest asset - only you can add and help to the depths of who you are and have the courage to transform and be new;
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You can make your home healthy - or not; all those within your home see, feel deceit; that breeds unhealthy energy, dark energy, shakey foundation, and lack of safety - children require to feel safe - deceit creates lack of sense of self; unsafe - they can sense when lies, manipulation and then question their inner knowing, to outer creation - just as deep dogma brain washed us; to do, be, to simply be accepted into communities that were not unconditional and not truthful - breeding communities of falseness - how is that spiritual
When someone tries to 'get one over on you' or win the situation, especially when there is court, family involved; if they have not healed, they want to be seen as right, the winner, the one that can still have power over others, and the environment and so on - be it job place, or children, or the minds of others and how their minds think; all is very dark manipulations and those know what they do and project, intend, when they do so; they will deny it when you call them on it, if they are not ready nor care to heal - they are not seeing the damage, nor the harm they cause others in their behaviour - then you need to do all you can to not engage and leave; do not surrender yourself to anothers story and projection or how another sees you - you know truth - so be that truth;
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The world needs those that can stand in the face of any mountain of deceit and call it what it is; that is the breaking of density - you have this power - deceit is deceit - it is dark, wants its way, wants to win, manipulate others, energy, outcome, narrative; so sense into what is before you and the agenda behind what is being presented;
Pure intentions are light, pure, truthful and filled with light-heartedness, play, honour, sacredness, simplicity - God is simple
Negative intentions; agendas for personal gain, personal outcome, personal payback; usually soaked in superficiality - how things look, seem, not breaking character or mould as false sense of entitlement or title of power - the abuse of power is such; abusing power by deceiving, manipulation - all very powerful ways to heal and accept - you know when you lie; so how can you make it right - turn the darkness to light
Use your life to benefit - that is showing the universe you are willing to heal, help others, and know how karma is cleared - pure intention - God is this and will support and show you the way -
There are infinite examples of those that have been in jail, done horrible things, and used their life, their situation to help and offer their life as a service - the healing that is done through such;
Have a seat, have a tea, and do the inner work; you do not need to lie, you do not need to deceive and make situations worse through more schemes, plans and lies; you can simply be truth and see what honesty, vulnerability and being genuine can do for you - feed you with light - nothing outside of you can truly feed and fulfill you -
Be it black woman, be it child, be it futurist on healing, light, human potential - you are able to stand up and be you. - fully - never surrender to lesser fragments -
Choose love and see what is - choose to love, accept, honour, blessing of who you are - and what power you have to manifest in a new level of light - releasing and alchemizing the dark = light.
Blessings and light
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Joanna
#ascension #healing #usingyourchallenges #healingnarcism
#healingfamilydysfunction #healinghumanity #healingyourself #selfhealing #healingnarcism #healingdeceit #healinglying #healingenergy #truth #God #Source, #5Dnewearth #5D
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thinking about these three assholes
#it's about. deep down you are bad and a ruiner#and no matter what actions you take the badness will still seep through#you can try. but no matter how much good you do it is not fixable because it's who you are#the best you can do is try to make up for the fact that it's you. but the most you'll ever be able to accomplish is breaking even#you will never be good#there are so many ties lol. the death wish. the complete inability to be vulnerable#the constant self sabotaging the inability to not hurt the people they love over and over bc it feels more right to be hated than loved#the shouldering of so much blame that they can't even see their own real culpability and the real harm they do anymore#because they are so wrapped up in hating themselves that honestly admitting fault would feel like too little#the eternal feedback loop of i think i'm bad so i do bad things. and then people confirm to me that i am bad and will never change#anyway i'm just. thinking#kara does the best job of trying to sincerely and proportionately apologize when she does something hurtful#faith probably had the best and most realistic healing journey (since kara's was like. speedrun)#william...... is still just out here. stewing#i will be ladling him into bowls shortly#if someone doesn't remind him in s4 that he is still capable of doing good and inhabiting goodness i am going to combust however#i like to make a lot of jokes about making him worse and those are fun but also if he doesn't get better i might die
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