#and like.. have i missed a bunch of other horrible stuff thats been happening and got covered up???
Text
Jade Harley, Calliope, Roxy Lalonde
Meat, page 19
JADE: so you see janes neoliberal austerity measures—
JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2
JADE: and here in figure a-6
JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i dictated to callie
JADE: (great drawing by the way!!!)
CALLIOPE: ^u^
JADE: —will no doubt lead to a whole bunch of ugly societal backlashes
JADE: not just in economic terms but on a number of other more serious vertices that weve been lucky enough to avoid on new earth so far
ROXY: u dont say
JADE: i DO say!!!
JADE: the thing is that jane is an establishment leader
JADE: shes looking at doing things the way our old universes did them
JADE: shes pretty convinced that shes going to be able to replicate the capitalist hierarchies that earth had but in a more “responsible” way
JADE: but none of that stuff actually worked!!!!!
ROXY: and u think karkat can do better?
JADE: i think its worth it to give him a chance
JADE: hes a leader of the people AND hes experienced firsthand what happens when establishment goes too far
JADE: which i imagine you can sympathize with!
JADE: and!!
JADE: that’s my pitch!!!!
CALLIOPE: i’m...
CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?
JADE: oh
JADE: yeah sure
CALLIOPE: any preferences?
JADE: ummm pumpkin matcha if you have it
CALLIOPE: of coUrse. i’ll be right back.
JADE: soooo..........
JADE: what do you think?
ROXY: hmmmm
ROXY: well i gotta say
ROXY: this has been a hella convincing argument all in all
ROXY: buuuuut idk if i can help u out
JADE: what????
JADE: why not?!
ROXY: i just dont rly
ROXY: care about politics that much i guess
ROXY: also this election is all kinds of personal
ROXY: i mean if i came into ur house and asked u to make some grand political w/e against your bff
ROXY: would you be all
ROXY: oh yea totes sign me tf up
ROXY: im alls ABOUT the sowing of discord among my childhood friends
JADE: siiiigh let me guess
JADE: dirk got to you first
ROXY: not even
ROXY: i got no problem tellin dirk where to stick it lmao
ROXY: but dirks not the one running
JADE: you think hes NOT the one pulling the strings behind the scenes?
ROXY: sure but give janey a lil credit
ROXY: shes got more moxie and ambition in her pinky than the rest of us got all together
ROXY: shes been planning this for years
ROXY: but shes yknow
JADE: ruthless? :B
ROXY: *fragile*
ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings
ROXY: always wearin those power suits trying to look like a big bad bitch
JADE: you mean like....... the condesce?
ROXY: wow ouch
JADE: im not just imagining it though, right???
JADE: you see it too
JADE: not to dredge up something horrible from your history
JADE: but her whole image is just kinda...... *woof*
ROXY: is that what you guys think?
ROXY: u and dave and karkat?
JADE: well...
JADE: yeah
ROXY: well janes not perfect
ROXY: and idk if shell be a good president
ROXY: but shes not betty crocker
ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her feelings
ROXY: and thats p much all there is to say on the matter
JADE: fiiiiine
JADE: i understand
JADE: callie what about you?
CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU.
JADE: :(
CALLIOPE: i feel like interfering in both politics and a personal argUment between my friends woUld be impolite as well as kind of... stressfUl, to be honest.
JADE: yeah
JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you
CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!
JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!
JADE: hehehe roxy youre so lucky to have her
ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”
JADE: oh
JADE: oh!!!!!!
JADE: oh wow!
JADE: im sorry i didnt mean to be uh... culturally insensitive?
JADE: have i just been stupidly calling you a girl for years like a big fat dummy??
JADE: oh nooooo! im such an asshole!!!!!
CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!
CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.
CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.
ROXY: yea...!
ROXY: m-me too actually
JADE: you??
ROXY: o yeah we are both a “they” household now
ROXY: package deal thing
ROXY: things r nonbinary as fuck around here
JADE: really?
ROXY: yup
ROXY: well
ROXY: i mean thats probably a dumb and bad way to say it dont tell anyone i said it that way rofl
ROXY: but yeah thats about whats goin on
ROXY: wow that felt good to say aloud man
ROXY: ahah hahaha hell of a way to come out
JADE: its ok
JADE: i dont wanna make you uncomfortable
ROXY: i know
JADE: but i am curious!
JADE: if you need to talk about it i mean
ROXY: maybe
ROXY: callie and i have been talkin about it a lot
ROXY: unpackin all kinda baggage w/ their alien stuff and my human stuff
ROXY: and so i got to thinking
ROXY: what even is gender
ROXY: amirite lol?
JADE: oh yeah
JADE: that makes sense i guess........
JADE: so youre uh
JADE: not...... “doing gender” anymore??
ROXY: ya i guess not lmfao
ROXY: i mean that was all stuff from our old universe
ROXY: whyd we even bring it here right?
JADE: right
CALLIOPE: my ideas aboUt gend—
CALLIOPE: —er were entirely inflUenced by my time watching earth.
CALLIOPE: i sUppose i only thoUght of myself as a girl because my, Um...
CALLIOPE: my brother took mascUlinity qUite serioUsly.
CALLIOPE: by which i mean, he became very enthUsiastic aboUt all the things it sUpposedly meant to be a boy.
CALLIOPE: cherUb existence is dichotomoUs, bUt not in the same way hUman biology is.
CALLIOPE: i sUppose oUr view of hUman cUlture indirectly inflUenced alternia’s development, which in tUrn affected yoUrs, which is something i’ve had a lot of time to think aboUt since we came here.
CALLIOPE: it’s all so very circUitoUs and arbitrary.
ROXY: yeah exactly!
ROXY: like when u think about it...
ROXY: so much of what earth c thinks what boys and girls “SHOULD” do comes straight from the imagination of a bunch of dumb teens
ROXY: which is totally FUCKED
JADE: sure
ROXY: i mean what am i gonna do
ROXY: get married and pop out 100 bbs?
JADE: uh... no???
ROXY: exactly
ROXY: i mean once upon a time i guess i thought about that
ROXY: but i dont think its what i really wanted
ROXY: i just liked the idea of me and dirk makin some smart ass awesome kids together
ROXY: cuz i liked the idea of dirk
ROXY: and also literally no one else on the entire planet was alive at the time
ROXY: but we had some babies without even bein consulted about it anyway so w/e
JADE: your kids ARE pretty cool
ROXY: i KNOW right?
JADE: personally im a big fan!
JADE: i...
JADE: i.........
ROXY: jade?
ROXY: o shit
CALLIOPE: is she okay?
ROXY: idk
ROXY: get a cloth from the kitchen! and some water!
CALLIOPE: okay! i’ll be right back!
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I really like the prompt list you reblogged it’s got some good stuff. What about 37. “Because I love you god damn it!” with Loki if you are still needing inspiration.
37) Because I Love You God Damn It!
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The Secret Is Out
Characters: the Avengers Bunch, Loki, Thor, Clint
Warnings: Dirty words, slight angst
Summary: after putting your life in the line for a teammate you accidentally let a big secret slip.
Announcements: I will always need insperation and requests! They feed my soul! Haha. I'm not gonna lie. Im skipping back and forth on my requests though. I have a really good story line for one but its just so emotional(thats were Im hoping it goes at least) that I didnt want to write it tonight and put my self in a mood. So instead I guess im goimg with a form of anger? Meh. Anyways... I absolutly love love love everything from you guys! The reblogs, likes, and comments are amazing and I am very greatful for all the love I am getting!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚
Loki Masterlist
~~~~
The fight had been rough but not as rough as you were feeling in the moment. You had gotten serverly hurt and had been in the medbay for about a week now and you had a longer road ahead. There had been an explosion and instead of turning to run away you had ran toward one of your team members that had been to distracted to realize what was going on, you had successfully gotten him shoved out of the way but you had taken the brunt of the blast.
Now you were laying here staring at the celing trying to stay distracted as Bruce and Tony looked at your completely shaddered knee and the burns up your leg. Fingers crossed that they would have good news soon.
"Well as of right now kid your out of commission." Tony said helping you sit back up.
"Meaning?" You pulled one of the pillows down so that you could sit up without being uncomfortable.
"Meaning right now, the way it all looks, your gonna be stuck in the bed until it fully heals and after wards theres really no way to tell if your going to be able to work in the field again." Burce said looking at the xrays again. "And your gonna have to have surgery in order to put all the right pieces back in the right places, but we cant really do that until some of the burns heal or at least start to heal. Its gonna be a long drawn out process unfortunately." He sighed setting the charts back down and walking over to you.
"Fucking hell! You mean I'm gonna be pushing paper work? I might as well go work in a damn office with four white walls and a poster that says 'hang in there, its almost Friday'." You placed your head in your hands.
"Hey! At least our paper work is more exciting than just running numbers." Tony said placing a hand on your back. He had been like a fsther to you, taking you in when you didnt have anywhere else to turn except the streets. Your own family had abandoned you at a young age and you had been leaning toward a dark path until Tony. "Besides with your expertise you dont have to sit behind a desk, your fingers arent blown off, you can still hack into stuff I'm sure."
"Tony we had a deal when I moved in. No hacking but you would train me and I could actually do good. Now look at me."
"I said no hacking the good guys, and if I remember correctly you were the one jumping close to the bomb not away from. I hate to be this way y/n but the only one to blame is yourself on this one."
"He would have been worst off than I am if not killed. I think I did the right thing. Besides you would have done the same thing if you had been closer." You sighed.
"Honey the diffrence with that is I have a supersuit, you wear a skin tight, spandex one peice, that I'm not a fan of." He laughted. Bruce had went to go get you some more pain killers to shoot into your IV.
"Tony if I were you I would shut up. Your starting to sound like you might actually love me, might even say your starting to act like a dad." You laughed pulling him into a hug.
"Shut it kid, cant let the others know I have a soft spot for the hacker orphan kid i took in all those years ago now can I." He said kissing the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before the drugs kick in and you pass out again?"
"Yes, can you please bring me my phone charger, laptop, and that really fluffy blanket that you and Pep got for me for Christmas."
"Dont ask to much of me now."
"I wouldnt be asking if you would just let me stay in my room. I hate it down here. I wanna be were the people are." You were starting to get loopy from whatever Bruce had given you.
"Ok little mermaid, get some rest I'll get your stuff." He laughed walking out the door letting you fall into a restless sleep.
You didnt know how long you hade been asleep but you woke up with a groan trying to sit up so you could atleast stretch your back from laying in one spot for to long. You flopped back down dramatically with a sigh. You could sense someine else in the room with you, you always knew when he was around.
"You dont have to hide in the shadows Loki. Your more than welcome to keep me company, you should know that by now." You smiled as the prince walked over and sat in the chair beside you. You could tell he hadnt been sleeping, his hair was fixed as always but his clothes looked worst for wear. He had on a plain black shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants, both of with had wrinkles in them either from tossing and turning or from not being changed in a few days.
"Whats wrong? And dont pull that 'nothing is wrong dear. I'm absolutly fine.' Bullshit. You look horrible." You reatched out to grab his hand. What you and Loki had was diffrent. You didnt just see his as a friend, he didnt just see you as that either though. You had spent many nights sitting up with the silver tounge man many nights laying on the couch watching movies, reading, talking about each of your pasts. He knew more about you than even Tony did.
"I'm still currently trying to wrap my head around why you pushed me out of the way and took the blow when you had a chance of dying from it. You shouldnt have been so thick headed my dear." He took your hand and raised it to his lips kissing the top of your hand.
"Loki." You sighed rolling your head to look back up at the celing. "You would have been hurt alot wordt than I am now, that blast could have killed you."
"I am a god y/n, that blast wouldnt have caused me nearly as much damage as it did you." His voice raised slightly.
"Thats what you think. You think that because you are "immortal" that you can take anything thats thrown at you. That no one really cares about you, that you wouldnt be missed? So why not try to take a blow from a bomb? My god your so stupid sometimes."
"I know I can. Norns y/n I've jumped into space, been brain washed, tried to take over New York, gotten smashed around by the Hulk. I was raised with Thor, he doesnt really go easy on a person. What I'm saying is I dont understand why you, a mear midguardian, would sacrifice themselves for me. If anything would have happened-"
"Nothing did happen though. I'm fine-"
"You have steel sticking from your leg, theres no telling when or even if you'll be able to walk again, and there are highly server burns that will leave scares. You cannot sit there and tell me that you are fine."
"Your right it does suck that I'm jot gonna be able to pull off shorts or a bikini anymore."
"This isnt a joke y/n. You almost died!" He finally yelled.
"And i would do it a thousand times over if that ment saving your damn ass again!" You shouted back.
"Why though?! Why me y/n? I've done horrible things, killed people! My life is meaningless." Tears had sprang to his eyes as he looked away.
"Because I love you God damn it!" You stopped suddenly your jaw dropping at the admission that you hadnt ment for him to hear. His head jerked back to you.
"What?" Shock was all over his face as he stood to walk closer to you. "What did you just say?"
"Because I love you Loki Odinson. Because if you were to die I dont think I would be able to go on living. Because even if you see all the bad things that you've done I can look pass that amd see all the good that you are doing." You reached up placing a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear.
"I love you too y/n. I have since the day I met you. The girl that didnt care what anyone said when she spent time with me. The girl that can see through every face i put on. I love you so much darling." He placed his hand on your face and leaning down gently kissing your lips.
It felt like you thought it always should you felt electricity run through your body and the two of you connected. It was like getting a breath after not being able to for so long. He pulled away smiling at you.
"What do we tell the others?" He asked laying on with bed with you being easy with your leg. He placed his arm around your middle and pulled you as close as he could.
"I honestly dont care what we tell them. They can figure it out themseves for all I care." You smiled lacing your fingers with his, you yawned placing your head on his shoulder closing your eyes.
"Sleep now my Dove, I will be here when you wake." He felt your gentle breath slow as you fell asleep, the rhythm you of your breath lulling him into his own sleep.
Tony and Bruce walked in the next morning stopping dead at the sight in front of them. You and Loki were still cuddled on the small bed sleeping peacefully.
"Should we wake them up?" Bruce asked looking at Tony.
"Na, let them sleep. Dont want to let them know that we know." Tony saod grabbing Bruce's arm and turning to walk back out of the door.
~~~~
Tag List:
@kgirardin
@sophlubbwriting
@supbeeches
@high-functioning-lokipath
#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#loki#loki avengers#loki daily#loki fanfic#loki fanfiction#loki x reader#loki fluff#loki request#loki masterlist#loki x you#lokilaufeyson#loki one shot#loki x y/n#loki friggason
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I can be the God of your Orgasm.
Loki x reader
(Not my image)
Summary:Some how ending up in Sakaar ,Valkyrie ends up taking you under her wing,no not her horse Aragorn,for a year ,until some Gods show up.
Word count:1768
Warnings:Language
A/n: Couldn’t end it , last time I touched this was October. Uhm, there’s a picture of Bowie, probably TMI here, but he was the first man , I ever you know over.Double aswell. I’m sorry.
You just a young woman in y/c ,heading to college your average routine ,but you never made it. Instead you had tripped over into a puddle ,but yet again you were decieved ,it was a portal. You hadn't/only left your country ,let alone been on another planet. You didn't think that was even possible;magic nor to be able to breathe on an different planet,well that was what you were told by the government. No you weren't a flat earther,thats bloody stupid. However you felt like the government hid a lot.
Michael Jacksons death,Heath Ledgers death,River Phoenix's death, Princess Diana's death , David Bowie, Obi-wan,it just seemed a little suspicous, not saying it was definitely them covering up the murders but...
Anyways so you fell into the puddle into a some rubbish ,literal rubbish. You had no idea what happened ,when Valkyrie found you she didn't either. God damn Benedict cumpatch stay in america with your fake american accent. Just stay away ,don't really want to be assassainated for being best buds with Sherlock Holmes and Dildo Gaggins.
Valkyrie had felt bad for such a young mortal being in an strange planet,she couldn't bare to bring you to Grandmaster ,to be apart of his orgies. he was indeed a tough warrior much like Dwalin the dwarf from the hobbit,who funfact is the longest living dwarf living up to 300 years,yes irrelvent.
Thus, you lived with her ,you managed to get a part time job as a cook,just so you didn't feel so bad about living with Valkyrie rent free. When I say part time cook ,I mean you just cooked for you and her,you didn't trust this planet. It was lucky when you fell in that puddle the stuff in your backpack didn't get wet,so you had some books to read,and such.
To be far being away from home stuck on an alien planet really did get boring ,you'd hate to admit it but sometimes you had to go to visit Hulk,because he was sorta normal. No he was not but he was okay ,like a destructive toddler but it was better than being alone. Other than that you really missed home ,you missed tv,you missed ice cream.
Pretty much everyday was boring. Well after almost a year of being here ,Valkyrie had brought a guest to your shared apartment thing. The God you had seen on the television a couple years ago. You had been sitting on the sofa reading at the time ,you jumped so hard when the door slammed open,you had looked up to see valkyrie shoving down a dark haired man in chains.
"Uhhh, are you allowed to kidnap people here?" you had questioned ,causing Valkyrie and the guy turn to you ,you had recognised him after a moment of trying to pin point his face. "I don't think that will hold him...h-he's-"
"Just stay away from him ,don't talk to him,don't look at him,hell don't even think about him,I will be back with Thor ,and then we can get you home, Y/n. So pack your things ." Soon as she had mentioned going home you had already started gathering your things,as Valkyrie had left after the God of Thunder. No you didn't go to the big battle compitions and Valkyrie certainly did not tell you she had found Thor ,but it didn't matter you were going home.
It didn't take you long to pack soon,you had your shoes on and everything sitting on the sofa ,twiddling your thumbs,feeling Loki's gaze on you. What's up with in love stories men staring , oh shut up you are just jealous because you can't even get a boyfriend ,stupid scribe.
"she said not to think about you...can you read minds?" you had questioned ,just really because that gaze he had on you made you feel proper ugly ,in which you were not. He had scoffed at you.
"I'm not a witch."
"I never said you were,you are a God ,must be better than having a hammer, it's like a normal hammer with steriods."
"Ah..so you have heard of me," He had smirked to himself ,you had just looked back at you hands before reaching for your bag grabbing your journal and ink,before just scribbing doodles on a clean page.Loki didn't speak after that not until you did again ten minutes later ,probably less time goes slow when the mood is a drag.
"the thing with new York, that was because of Thanos? People have controlled me by making me feel guilty so many times..OH manipulation ,you probably don't want to hear what I have to say,but I can't help it ,i've been stuck here a year the only person I got to speak to is drunk Valkyrie and hulk in which I feel like I am talking to a child. You know what I really wish I was watching Lord of the rings right-"
"You are from earth,how did you end up here?" He had grinned at you,cutting you off,isn't he like a mass murderer? Well he was tricked into doing it ,so more like accidental murderer ,why is he so handsome. Don't be stupid he is a God of course he is handsome.
"Uh..I fell into a puddle then I was here." The God had turned his head away to the floor ,scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion.
"I don't see how that's possible."
"Well it happene-" Yet you were cut off again,as the door slammed open,you quickly turned away back to your notebook,Thor ,Bruce and Valkyrie stood at the door.
You missed what happened first ,Loki having things thrown at him ,and such,you only looked up when he said something about spaceships,seeing Bruce. Your eyes glittered with excitement , Thor saw this. "Oh my! I can't believe it's-2 Thor had shook his head for you not say it. "Radiation scientist,Bruce Banner, damn,now I must say this is much more exciting than a hammer,which you don't have what's up with that? Hey Bruce how you feeling?Green? Darn, imagine being strongest Avenger!"
Thor had scoffed at you,"Does she always talk this much?"Bruce had made his way over to you smiling at you as you stood up. "It is so cool to meet you mister Banner."
"Thank you miss..." "Y/n" He had smiled at you again before turning to Thor ,"see strongest Avenger,yep that's me."
"well then ,let' hope we can get home,just first we are to go to Asgard."
***
"Valkyrie ,I'm going to stay with Dwayne Johnson,I have no fighting skills so it's better if come I after," you had gestured to Korg.
"Alright then, I'll see you if I don't die" And with that she left you with the aliens,smiling up to them.
"The revolution has begun."
***
"Hey, what's this?"
"Thank you." You had stood next to Korg as he had powered down the taser device on Loki's body,you had stood rocking on your balls of your feet in excitement to get home.
"Hey,man. We're about to jump on that ginormous spaceship. You wanna come?" Loki had jumped up,his hair a messy ,from the intense pain he had just suffered,from betraying his brother yet again.
"well you do seem like you're in desperate need of leadership." The smirk was interweaved into his voice, smooth as his greasy hair.
"Why, thank you."
"Hurry up! It has been too long since I've seen the dance seen in the james franco spiderman three!" You rushed forwards grabbing a hold of the mischief makers arm dragging him towards the ship. "Talkative and touchy," Loki just allowed you to drag him,with him supposively being evil,grinning.
***
"uhhh, what's the chances of as all dying horribly? Do you think if i pretend to be dead she wouldn't notice?" Loki was driving the space ship,whilst you sat in the seat next to him,all the alien people sat or stood behind. You really be riding shotgun on a spaceship,it was you or korg.
Loki did not answer you , yet just slightly smiled glancing to you briefly, not a good sign, you'd think with two Gods you'd be fine ,but clearly not. "Hey do you think if Thor had to fight I don't know- AHH" You weren't sure who you meant to say as you face planted into the spaceship's floor,as Loki's flying had stopped so suddenly causing a jolt. You had laughed to your lesson quietly,patheticly in honesty ,covering up how embarrassing that was.
You felt as if you were Mantis ,when Drax had informed her to watch out after she got hit in the face. All you could think was there's like a bunch of aliens on this ship and it's guaranteed at least 3 have just seen you face plant. "Okay , that makes me wish that I was on Thors spaceship right now." Your hair in your face, forearms pressed against the cold metal floor.
"What does he have that I don't?" His voice seeped with sarcasm, okay maybe not he was probably just annoyed that a midgardian was aboard and could not shut up.
"He probably can fly this thing better, well it's probably Bruce but that's even better , do you even know how many PHDs he has?"
"Honestly I do not know and do not care."
"Wow that's not very nice . He has..wait I dont -" The smirk on Loki's face was stamped deep, as he pulled you out of your concentration by doing so. "Shut up I bet you say to all your lovers, ‘If you givee a chance I can be the god of your orgasm’” Honestly you don’t know what made you think of that , something tells you it’s to do with a dude that reads a lot of smut named Blake. Actually the author doesn’t know if he does but..
“Thank you darling, for the new material.”
#marvel x you#marvel imagine#marvel x reader#marvel imagines#loki odinson x reader#loki layfeyson x reader#loki imagines#loki x you#loki x y/n#loki imagine#loki x reader#loki odinson#loki of asgard#loki#loki fluff
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if you had to criticize classic and modern spunch bop what the criticisms be?
I feel like this should be split into 3 not 2.
Classic, middle, and modern spongebob since we know classic is like seasons 1-3/4 and then modern spongebob as of currently is season 9-12. So middlebob is seasons 4-8. Since it's not quite classic but no longer modern.
Anyways it's hard to be critical about classic spongebob since its something you watched as a kid over and over and it's hard to see something new about it and be properly critical without nostalgia getting in the way.
But something I've noticed as of recent is that I really prefer season 1 over 2 and 3. It's well known that I like season 1. But to put why I feel like it's so special and what feels lacking from seasons 2 and 3. I miss how down to earth the stories of season 1 are. They're calming and they kinda feel like silly things that happen as a kid.
They felt more exaggerate in the later seasons like the characters get a little bit more dialed up for comedic purposes and in more and more crazier situations. That's not bad. That's what gave the best and most memorable moments in the classic era. This is more of a personal preference. I just like how there's a bunch of little details and stuff about the characters sprinkled in the first season. Like spongebob explaining why he can't seem to pass his boating exam of the fact that Patrick's parents kicked him out or spongebob saying nobody went with him to his own junior prom. They aren't a big deal but they kinda shape an idea about the characters before the series began and how they generally like. We do get this in seasons 2 and 3 but it becomes a lot more cartoony ans it gets lost a bit. I'd like a balance. Season 2 and 3 gave the most memorable moments and most meme worthy moments as well. So yeah.
That's not really proper criticism. More of a personal preference and very subjective.
There's also inconsistency with character designs (not like just drawing them off model) but like sponge looking different in pretty much every episode. Sometimes thin lined, sometimes thick lined, sometimes more square, sometimes more rectangular. I can't complain since I like that variation and looks but its a little too obvious. How many times his look changes?
Also around the middle of season 3 the show starts to get a little mean spirited. I get the joke of Mr. Krabs selling SBs soul for 62 cents and how horribly the bikini bottomites treated spongebob in the Sponge who could fly. I know people bring up the mean spirited nature of spongebob when talking about the middle seasons but it started season 3. It was just less noticeable. But err.. The problem was there.
I don't think there's much to say that hasn't already been said about that middle era of Spongebob. Seasons 4-8. Its not as bad as people make it out to be but you can notice when the show starts to slip towards the end of season 4. Season 5 was pretty hit or miss. Though I like a large portion of season 5. It's kinda weird how every other episode is flopping from good to bad. You can watch two episodes that are paired together and they'd be completely different qualities.
The episodes slowly dipped, recently I watched an episode from season 8. It really sucked. The plot as an idea was good. But the characters were so flat. They just move their mouths and look in different directions, left or right. They're just standing. They always announce what they're gonna do. It's so slow. Some of their jokes rely on awkward conversations snd a weird blank kind of feeling that a lot of shows in the late 2000s/early 2010s relied on. That I really despise.
Like spongebob and plankton having a conversation and its so boring and straight forward but they drag it out so long. And most of it is spongebob just saying "wait! Wait! Wait! *pause* wait!" Its not going anywhere.
People complain about modern spongebob being so expressive but I prefer the expressiveness over how blank and boring these episodes were. There's also things like grotesque character designs and squidward torture.
Also facial expressions!! Aside from being blank, I just hate the chubby cheeks look. With really round eyes and sometimes gross looking expressions. Weird thing to be critical about considering I like the modern seasons also have weird expressions. But idk how to explain why I don't like it. Its like uncle grandpa but if it was spongebob. Weirdly doesn't work well together.
And now for modern spongebob. Hard to say much since I really really like it. I know people complain about over expressiveness but I adore it. But I always liked over expressiveness in cartoons. Crazy wacky expressions are like eye candy for me so I think I have my own biases.
But season 12 has a little bit too much. I'm just recalling when I watched r u zoo? And it gave me a headache. My head was spinning since the expressiveness paired with almost neon backgrounds was too much.
Speaking of backgrounds. Background art is gorgeous, amazing, stupendous. But there are times where if feels like straight neons. Particularly greens like for grass and whatnot. Why does it look neon?? This isn't exclusive to SB. I've noticed this with pokemon too. Where the grass is neon and I just can't stand looking at it.
Season 3 has the elite color palette. I like how much more blue-greens there are. And more purples. But that's a personal nitpick.
I remember my friend saying while she enjoys modern spongebob, it doesn't quite feel like spongebob. And while I adore modern spongebob, yeah I get whst she means. Spongebob and the rest of the characters really don't act the way that you expect them.
(Just noticed how many times I wrote spongebob there but anyways) the characters don't really act like the way that you expect them to. That's probably from the lack of continuity. But sometimes mmmm sometimes the joke that spongebob is a baby feels weird. From being goofy and has childish traits to straight out a baby is something thats been happening a looong time since the middle era. But it feels weird. I prefer when they joke about his nerdier traits.
I accepted modern spongebob as its own character and not the same as classic spongebob.
I kinda accept every spongebob from each season as its own character because he acts too differently season to season to make a fair comparison.
But yeah sometimes it still can go overboard. Spongebob being a crazed maniac while driving, squidward getting excessively brutalized for nothing.
R u zoo doesn't make much sense why he'd get banned from the zoo. Isn't there a whole episode where he fears he might have broken the rules? He acts like a baby and can't recognize he did anything wrong. It feels so out of character, even for him. Or him being a constant destroyer of anything he touches. Which in media is a trope I hate.
In show they're kinda self aware now and exaggerate the characters personalities to make a joke of itself. Like spongebob being a kissup at work. Or the characters aware and expecting spongebob to mess up and destroy things. Idk I don't like it? It was funny at first but it stopped feeling like a joke and more of how the characters actually are.
Also mr. Krabs! This is a criticism that goes back to middle era spongebob but his greed really needs limits. At least before he cared about people and learns his lesson when his greed goes too far. But I miss when pearl and Mrs. Puff used to mean more to him than money. I miss how he used to treat spongebob like a son. Something worth mentioning.
This is a bit much, more than what I was expecting but I hope this satisfies your question!
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what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
no but HOW THE FUCK did they even manage to make the show without showing a sign of this, if this is how they really feel??
i remember how damn uncomfortable I felt at the garnet and amethyst fusion episode back when it first happened, cos it seemed kinda unfortunate and cringy that it was saying that... like... two dark-skinned ladies fuse and their fusion has anger issues even though neither of them had been shown to have anger issues on their own. And she’s like the personification of physical strength and beastial nature and she turns evil for no reason, and then their white teammate has to save the day and prove she’s stronger than them ‘in the real way’ and then they apologise for even daring to fuse.
And like.. that only became less uncomfortable when it got put in context, yknow? it was awkward cos it happened so early on in the show before we’d had any other representation to constrast it. By now we’ve seen more development of amethyst and garnet, we’ve seen pearl have more flaws, and we’ve seen other fusions go out of control and stuff. And there’s been more characters of different races with positive depictions and just... seriously HOW does this bullshit actually exist?? I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING BETTER THAN THIS!
And there is NO WAY that I’m gonna forgive this bullshit just cos the show is mostly good to me personally. Its so horrible what this represents, cos probably if we cause a fuss about it, it might mean the end of a really promising show that had a lot of LGBTQ representation, and blablabla WHATEVER, I am not gonna be stanning for something like that, as if you’re allowed to be fucking racist if you do enough good things to other people to balance it out! What the fuck! God!
But seriously I’m SO PISSED because I DID NOT HATE THE SHOW! Su critical people are probably happy to have a genuine controversy come up so they’re all proven right, but mannnn i wasnt bothered by any of the animation errors and i dont dislike the changes in story direction and i dont dislike the episodes about the regular beach city humans and i dont think Topaz’s design is bad and i didnt agree with ANY OF IT and i STILL REALLY ENJOYED THE SHOW and just... GAHH!
fuck, like this has stained every one of my memories, every single good moment in the fucking show, all the time i was just fucking like.. misinterpreting the intentions of a bunch of assholes
i cant even enjoy garnet’s triumphant moments and stuff cos i’m gonna keep thinking about how apparantly at least one person on this team is a racist fucker and garnet only ended up being awesome on accident, and god they might have been THINKING THESE FUCKING THINGS ABOUT HER
fuck fuck fuck god
seriously its fucked up but i kinda wish this ‘mistake’ could have been in the show instead of in rejected concept art material
it deserves to be out there so everyone can see it and see it for what it is
it does not deserve to be something hard to find, for a show that looks perfectly okay if you dont see it...
racism is the most fucking disgusting thing when its hidden and people suffer in silence
And also DEAR GOD I’m already anticipating that people are gonna jump on this and use it as like.. ammo to be all ‘the show was bad because it had gay people in it’, if it fails it’ll probably harm the chances of any similar shows for a while
BUT AGAIN
I am not ever gonna play the goddamn oppression olympics and sacrifice black people for the sake of queer people
especially since FUCKING HELL there are a lot of black queer people who’d see that FUCKING PICTURE and just... dear god I dont know how to say anything constructive about this issue, I’m sorry
i just want it all to hurry up and get confirmed one way or another. i wanna see evidence if this is real, or if its not, but god it probably is and I can already imagine the shitstorm of apologists...
im sorry this has just fucking destroyed me seriously
not even JUST a blatantly ‘minstrel show’ design, but also ‘name: concrete, cant read, lol’
ITS LIKE A FUCKING PARODY OF THIS BULLSHIT
HOW CAN ANYONE BE THAT RACIST
fuck fuck fuck goodbye
#su critical stuff i guess#i dont know how to tag this cos ive never even been in the su critical side of the fandom before#i had no clue that that lauren zuke lady did something that everyone was up in arms about??#and like.. have i missed a bunch of other horrible stuff thats been happening and got covered up???#what the fuck
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Secret States Chapter 13
Look One State That Isn't Mad At America's Family
Canada POV
I still couldn't believe Vermont was here in front of me. I thought he was dead for so long and now he was here in front of me. His flag was different, but he was still had the same voice and everything that reminded me so much of the Vermont Republic.
Of course, he was the Vermont Republic. It brought back so many memories. When Père and America were tearing apart their relationship, and Vermont and I getting caught in the middle, becoming friends despite being on opposite sides.
It sound like something out of a cheesy movie or whatever. People on opposite sides becoming friends. Good thing this was real life and there was much less buddy-buddy as opposed to stabby-stabby.
We're countries (or states and unions and organizations and space programs. You get it). We don't exactly play nice with each other. Even if we want too.
"So...how have you been?" Vermont asked, sounding a bit nervous. I didn't blame him though. I was nervous too. I had been told Vermont was still alive, but it was just hard to believe until I saw him.
"I've been good. It's just...things are very different now." I said, unsure of how to start a conversation. It had been over 200 years since we last talked. What if Vermont has changed so much that's he didn't want to stay friends with me. I wouldn't blame him. I had attacked his sister and hurt her.
I still didn't want to forgive myself for that. Vermont gave a little laugh.
"Yeah. Things are very different." Vermont said before sighing, "I know you have questions. You can ask them if you want."
"I...I...I don't know what to ask. I have a lot of questions and things don't make sense anymore." I told him. Vermont nodded.
"Yeah. Papa kept a lot of stuff hidden. Now that it's all being dragged out of where it was hidden, well, you're not the only one whose struggling to make sense of it." Vermont said.
"Why did he hide it?" I asked. I just wanted to know the answer to that question. My brother was hurting himself, and he didn't seem to care. He had hidden away important parts of himself and insists there's nothing wrong. He was traumatized by an event that he couldn't even hear anything relating to it, and was so determined to keep that secret that he convinced everyone who knew of it to keep it secret as well. Vermont sighed again.
"I don't think I can give you the best answer to that. You'll have to ask Papa, but what I do know is that post-independence, and I mean like right afterwards, Papa didn't have anyone that he was close to that he could trust, except for me, and later Morocco. He kept it secret at first because he didn't have anyone he could trust. And I think he still believes that there's not a lot of people he can trust." Vermont explained.
"What about his family? Ame knows he can trust us, right?" I asked. America did know that right? He didn't think we would look down on him for being different than what people expect, for making mistakes, for being a union, for having kids? He knew he could trust me, right?
"You tried to kill him Bec. He hasn't forgotten that. Even if he's fixed his relationship with you, he's not going to forget that. Besides, Papa's been stabbed in the back to many times to trust easily again." Vermont said. I put my head in my hands.
God I had fucked up badly. I thought that America knew he could trust us, and that if something really was bothering him he'd go to someone. I know things between America and I weren't always the best, especially in the early 1800s, but I thought things had gotten better.
I trusted America and I thought he did as well. I just wanted my brother to be okay. Why couldn't things go back to the way they were, before the Revolution, before all of the wars that destroyed America's trust in people.
Before I destroyed America's trust in me.
I guess America keep everything a secret had one advantage. Everyone thought America was okay, and only worried about him causing another world war. But now we had to worry about America's mental and physical health, because America's made it clear he didn't care about that.
Everything was so fucked up now.
"Are you alright? I know I dumped a bunch of stuff on you." Vermont asked. I shook my head.
"No. Everything's just do different and...and...I don't know how to explain it, it's just...I want to help Ame, but I can't help him if he doesn't let me. I want to be able to have a familial relationship with you and the rest of your siblings, but I've fucked up so much, with the Burning of Washington and eve thing bad that's happened between Ame and I." I told him.
I just wanted things to go back to the semblance of normal it was before.
But I also wanted to know about America's problems and children.
Why couldn't anything be normal?
"Well, regardless of whether you messed up with Papa, you were going to have to get to know my siblings before they started calling you family. But I know at least one state who will want to have a family relationship with you. That state is me. Now we have to change the topic because this is starting to sound like a fucking Disney movie." Vermont said. I snorted at his last comment, but smiled.
"Thanks Mont." I said. Vermont smiled
"You might have messed up, but you're a good person Uncle Bec. Now let's change the fucking topic I don't want to be in a Disney movie. I have maple syrup let's talk about that." Vermont said. I laughed. I knew that I had fucked up with the states, but Vermont still wanted to call me his uncle.
Vermont called me his uncle. I felt tears well up. I was so happy. Things could be fixed, things could get better.
"And now your crying. This is getting more like a Disney movie. Next thing we know Florida's going to show up." Vermont said. God, I had forgotten how sarcastic Vermont could be. I missed him so much. I was so happy that Vermont was willing to call me his uncle, to put aside the past times I've fucked up and accept me as a part of his family.
"Hola Vermont, sombrero raro tío. Escuché Disney." (Hello Vermont, weird hat dude. I heard Disney.) I heard someone say. I turned around to see Florida with a panther.
"No you didn't. Please go hang out with Ohio. You weirdos can go get yourself killed doing something stupid again." Vermont said. Florida frowned.
"Pues no debes qué ser grosero. Solo quise ofrecer mi servició." (Well you don’t have to be rude. I was just trying to offer my services.) Florida said, smiling. I wish I knew Spanish. I mean, I had learned a little from Mexico, but not enough to follow the conversations in Spanish the states seemed fond of having.
"Florida, nadie quiere tus servicios por qué siempre incluyen demasiados reptiles, pateras, y formas de matarse." (Florida, no one wants your services because they involve way to many reptiles, panthers, and ways to get yourself killed.) Vermont shot back at Florida, this time in Spanish.
"Pues no es mi culpa que soy inmortal." (Well its not my fault I’m immortal.) Florida said with a smirk. Vermont looked annoyed.
"Todos somos técnicamente inmortal Florida." (We’re all technically immortal Florida.) He said with a heavy sigh.
"Oh yeah." Florida said. Vermont rolled his eyes.
"I will set Kitty on you." Florida said as he noticed the eye roll. I looked at the panther next to Florida. Oh no. This was another Australia, wasn't it? I should of realized that when I saw the snake. Vermont smiled at me.
"Ne t'inquiète pas, oncle Bec. Nous essayons de l'éloigner de l'Australie. Au moins pour l'instant." (Don't worry Uncle Bec. We're trying to keep him away from Australia. At least for now.) Vermont muttered.
"I wish I knew French. Are you insulting me Mont, you sassy, halfway decent New Englander?" Florida said.
"Wait wouldn't people from New England be called the New English, not New Englander?" I asked. Vermont laughed.
"Oh god I wished English worked that way. We're called New Englanders from some weird reason." Vermont said.
"I'll tell you the reason. English is a hell language. And let me tell you, learning English as a second language is horrible Uncle Canada." Florida said. I felt myself tearing up again. Two states were willing to accept me as their Uncle even after what I had done to America and DC.
"And he's crying again." Vermont commented.
"Sorry. I just...I just expected everyone to hate me for the Burning of Washington." I said. Florida shook his head.
"I don't. Remember Uncle Canada. I knew you when you were Quebec as well. We were both British colonies together. I know you're a good person." Florida said. I felt really happy. I was so afraid everyone would hate me, that America still hated me. And they didn't. They didn't hate me. I began crying tears of joy, which means...
"Wow he's actually crying hard now."
Vermont's going to make a comment on it.
"Can you say anything other than that? But seriously, Uncle Canada, I will fight any of my siblings that won't accept you into our family. Kitty, Algodón, my gators, and my crocodiles will take them down." Florida said, raising his fists. This kid really was like Australia. Nobody else has that many dangerous animals as pets.
"Ginny, Mary, and D are skeptical." Vermont said. Florida put his fists down.
"I will not longer fight any of my siblings that won't accept you into our family. Sorry, but I'm not making Ginny mad. Thats's West's job." Florida said. Who was Ginny? And West? I mean, they were most likely states, although I didn't know if those were nicknames, or their actual state names.
"Thank you, thank you, merci. Thank you for forgiving me for what I did." I said. Vermont smiled and hugged me.
"We all mess up Uncle Bec. You're trying to fix things, and I can tell you truly feel horrible about it." Vermont said. Florida nodded.
"Yeah I fucked up pretty badly back in 1861, but I got forgiven. Eventually." Florida said. Vermont shot back from the hug and glared at Florida. And the happiness from being accepted as an uncle my two of my nephews left, replaced by the feeling of dread that crept in every time the 1860s were mentioned.
America. What the hell happened to you and your children? What the hell happened?
"¡Florida! ¡Cállate! Se supone que no debías ha decir eso!" (Florida! Shut up! You’re not supposed to mention it!) He said. Florida looked slightly panicked.
"¡Lo siento! ¡Salió per accidente!" (Sorry! It slipped out!) He said. Vermont sighed, rubbing his head with a hand.
"Uncle Bec. Don't ask. Please." Vermont said, his voice slightly shaky. I nodded. I didn't want to pry into it, because I knew it won't get anything but the states to close themselves off to me. I would find out what's happening. Eventually.
But that wasn't going to happen soon. But America wasn't going to talk about it until he learned how to trust us again. I could wait. I wanted to get America's trust back. I wanted to show my brother that I was someone he could trust with his secrets.
"You can tell me when you're ready." I said. Florida and Vermont let out sighs of relief.
"Thank god. I don't want Ginny to know I slipped up." Florida muttered. I sighed. Things seemed so complicated. The door to America's room opened and I saw Maman leave.
"Hola France." Florida said. Maman smiled, before seeing the tear tracks on my face and her expression changed to one of concern.
"Canada are you alright?" Maman asked. I nodded.
"I'm fine." I said.
"Uncle Canada's just really happy that the two of us call him uncle." Florida said. Maman looked excited.
"Are all of the states doing that?" Maman asked.
"Only us so far. Most of the the states are choosing to acknowledge familial relations after getting to meet you, although some of them are more skeptical. How's Papa?" Vermont asked after giving his explanation.
"Asleep." Maman said. Vermont raised an eyebrow and Florida looked surprised, before pulling out his phone and doing something.
"How long ago did he fall asleep?" Florida asked.
"About 3 minutes ago. Why?" Maman answered.
"We keep track of how much Papa sleeps so we know when we need to force him to sleep, or just when he might pass out from exhaustion." Vermont explained.
"Does Ame know you do this?" I asked. America seemed so insistent on refusing help, even if he was hurting his health. Florida laughed, although it sounded slightly bitter.
"Padre barley takes care of himself. If he won't, we will. But if he knew, he wouldn't let us do this, and insist he was fine." Florida said.
"Papa's not fine. He's put too much pressure on himself. And not matter what he does, everyone always seems to hate him. Even if he's just trying to help. That kind of constant treatment grates away at his self worth, and self confidence. I don't think anyone hates Papa more than he does." Vermont said.
Oh, America. I want to help you. Let your family help you. You may hate yourself, but we don't. Let us help you, and get rid of the pressure you put on yourself. We can help with your family. They're our family too.
And we'll make sure we get that into you thick, stubborn skull.
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My thoughts on the Rise of Skywalker, because quarantine forced me to finally watch it. !!!!Spoilers!!!!!
Growing up, Star Wars was my childhood. My sisters and I read all the books (including the comics) and we packed the Essential Guides with us everywhere. Because for our deep love of the Extended universe, when the last few movies came out we had... mixed emotions.
I didn’t even see the last movie when it came out after hearing some less than stellar reviews. So here’s my review, or rather my reactions to the Rise of Skywalker. (Yes, I actually sat down with paper and pen and watched this movie.)
Title craw: The DIABOLICAL First Order.
‘The Emperor has returned.’ Wow, the are expecting us to go along with a lot aren’t they.
Cool. Kylo wrecking everything.
Yay, a planet that isn’t snow, desert, or forest.
Hold on tight kids, they’re throwing us right into this one. We’re already at Palpatine’s house.
Ew. Whats with the tank?
Whoa eyes! What’s up with his lips? Can someone bring this fossil a drink?
Imperial March playing while a Star Destroyer rises in the back ground. Is this Vader’s old ship?
Rey is “Not who we thought she is.” Thought she was “Nothing”?
Ew, what is Klaud, and why is he here?
Who are all these people on the Falcon?
“How do we thank you?” “Win the war.” aren’t you all on the same team? Why do you need to thank him?
Cool, another planet thats not snow, desert, or a forest.
Never mind.
Oh great, Rey’s here.
Looks like the Lightsaber is fixed.
I know the names of a bunch of these plants!
When Luke was training with the ball thing (Training remote) he was just trying to deflect the shots. Rey’s trying to take down the whole forest.
You sure you want to destroy that thing Rey? There can’t be to many of them laying around
Who are all these people?
Why’s the Falcon on FIRE?!
Since when is “Light-speed skip” a thing?
Seriously. Who are all these people? I thought after the last movie there was only like, 10 of them left.
Hey! It’s Merry from Lord of the Rings!
What’s this old orange doing here?
“Sith Way-finder” Sigh.
Are Poe and Rey a “thing”?
Are Finn and Rey a “thing”?
Why’s everyone here but R2?
There he is.
Why did they not bring him?!
Now I’m watching a Planet of the Apes crossover.
That guy who was on the same team is dead now. His blood is clear so the rating doesn't go up.
Well, Hux is certainly different.
Someone must have taken his hair gel because his hair was never this poofy before.
Is this a Holi Festival, or Burning man.
Why are we learning the name of this random kid?
Rey just walked away from her, what was that?
Yay! The force link is still there!
Kylo is giving off stalker vibes.
It’s nice to see him growing into his role of Supreme Leader. Looks like everyone hates him.
Wait- Who is this guy?! Why are they following a stranger!
It’s LANDO
Oh, so Rey know’s who Lando is, but thought Luke was a myth. Makes sense.
Boom. First order is here.
Lando: “My flying days are over.” Why?
“Give Leia my love.” Ew.
Wait, why is Lando out here? Did Luke just leave him? He said he came here with him. Has the emotional issues of being abandoned by Luke led him to never fly again? Is this a parallel story to Rey’s abandonment? What’s the motive here movie!
They made it even harder for these Storm Troopers to see out of those helmets.
3PO is getting a lot of lines.
Rey *is distracted* Ship *Blows up*
Now they have sinking sand.
WAS THAT ALMOST A CONFESSION?!
This guy just says, “The Falcon is not responding.” when asked, and they’re like “Don’t be such a downer!”
Oh yay, they survived.
Kay, we’re just brushing over Finn’s almost confession. I’m sure they’ll come back to that later. *Cough*
Okay, that flashlight bit was funny.
How do you know that’s the guy you’re looking for? That could be anybody’s skeleton!
How’d they find a knife that neither Luke, or Lando (who might have been here for 20 years) could find!
Rey’s making friend’s with the basilisk.
She just transferred some of her life force to the snake! Why!?
This old ship they found in the desert still works.
“Chewie, tell Rey we got to go!” Why can’t you do it? You’re not doing anything.
Axe.
Here comes lover boy.
How to Breathe, the movie, by Rey.
Trailer shot.
Was he just gonna run her over?
Cool, she’s pulling the ship out of the sky.
Uh oh, helmet’s off, there goes her focus.
Now they’re playing tug-a-war with the ship. It’s the light saber fight all over again.
Whoa!!! She juST LIGHTING’D THE SHIP!
Kylo Looked freaked out for a second!
She just told Finn she had a vision of her and Kylo together, and he looks like he’s gonna cry.
3PO tells them how horrible and dangerous it is to override a droid’s programming. “Let’s do that!”
That droid looks like a yoga wheel and a hairdryer.
Rey to the new droid: “Someone treated him badly. It’s alright, you’re with us now.” Yeah, just don’t watch what we’re about to do to this other droid.
Looks like we’re adding another girl to this love triangle (hexagon?)
She’s not supposed to be a Mandalorian is she. (So help me-)
I hate you and I’m going to turn you in *Hit’s her over the head and pulls out a lightsaber* Okay, lets go.
Why they so mad at Poe for being a smuggler?
Wow. They are forcing C-3PO to do this. Backup his memory to the hairdryer! It’s got to have a reason for being here!
C-3PO “Oh! I just had an idea of something else we could try-” ZAP!
...Was that supposed to be funny? These writers need to learn what humor is, and when to use it.
Why are we focusing on Poe and his old girlfriend the Power Ranger?
Wah! What’s up with 3PO’s eye’s? Is he a Sith droid now? Why does he have that function?!
Rey, you’re boyfriend’s here.
They wiped 3PO’s memory and he doesn’t know who anyone is, but he’s still polite. Poe angrily points “That’s gonna be a problem!” Our heroes ladies and gentleman.
I hope the First Order just blast them.
That Admiral’s badge just let them in? Like no one reported that missing??
Wiped 3PO’s memory and they’re getting the dagger anyway.
Worst rescue ever.
Vaders Helmet has had a hard life.
Rey has a vision in every scene she's in.
More ‘Rey’s family history’ with Kylo
“Tell me where you are,” She’s in your room dude.
R.IP. Vader Helmet
That Stormtrooper behind Kylo must be so confused.
*Sees helmet, breaks link* “She’s in my quarters!” Told you so.
Why is Hux the spy? When did this happen? What does he think the outcome of this will be?
3PO just wandering the halls with a crossbow.
“You are a Palpatine.” Wanna be a Solo?
Is this like his fourth proposal?
OooooOOOOooo, that was cool! Kylo standing in the blast of the Falcon’s engines was a moment we needed!
Yikes! They took out Hux fast! They didn’t want to question him or anything? No?
The Death Star was blasted to smithereens, why is it here? How is it here?
They made that dagger to line up with the wreckage? I’m pretty sure things that are constantly beat by the ocean will move or erode over time. Who even made that? What was the purpose?!
Yay, another scavenger
Who’s also a ex-Stormtrooper, because why not.
That’s a horse covered in a rug.
Rey’s out trying to kill herself again.
“There’s another Skimmer!” Wonder who that is.
He is literally following her to the ends of the galaxy.
Wait- The throne rooms still in one piece?! The chair and everything?!!!
Dark Rey- YIKES! TEETH
I thought he stopped the holocron with his foot, I was really surprised when fingers formed and he picked it up.
Kylo acting so cool as she’s trying to slash him to ribbons.
I see Merry again!
Wait- What’s Leia got to do? And why does Maz know? They’ve never explained what this strange orange is and what she can do.
Finn’s in deep- Wait how'd he get out here?????
Leia don’t distract your son while he’s fighting for his life!
SEE!!!!!!!
“I wanted to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” You think he’s going to leave you alone after that?
Why is Rey just a total mess in every movie.
Chewie mourning Leia is a good touch. It’s nice to see the reaction of someone who ACTUALLY knew her.
Whoa! They got Harrison Ford to come back! That must have taken a lot of bribery (or blackmail).
Has almost dying given Kylo/Ben the power to see non-Force user ghost, or is he just going nuts?
So this is just a rehash of Han’s death scene.
Aw, he called him Dad- Hey don’t throw that away, you need that!
He’s nuts.
Those red helmets look stupid.
Aaaaand it’s the Death Star again
Merry in the background!
Why’d they make Poe the General?
Lando finally got off that planet
“General.” “General.”
She’s burning his ship. Good luck Kylo/Ben.
You know how hot that fire has got to be to burn metal
“A Jedi weapon should be treated with more respect.” You brat.
Why did he have Leia’s lightsaber here?
“...it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.” Oooookay, but why not just have her take Luke’s old Saber? It’s gotta be laying around here somewhere.
I know it’s symbolic and all that he’s raising the x-wing, but there’s no way that thing still works.
Alright, 3PO’s memories are back. Why’d we have to go through all that?
I spy Merry again!
How does Poe know all this stuff about Exogol? He’s just a fountain of information over here!
“Now we take the war to them!” That’s literally what you’ve done every movie ever
No one is questioning how Lando got here. Isn’t this a secret base?
*Dr. Evil voice* ONE MILLION STAR DESTROYERS
Who even wrote this story line?
Finn’s going with his gut and everyones just going along with it. Not like you could all die or anything.
They brought the rug horses with them
How are they breathing in space!?
Those red troopers still look stupid.
What’s this crowd chanting? Are they speaking Parseltoungue?
“I never wanted you dead.” That’s why I told Kylo Ren to kill you.
Hang on- his plan is ‘You be the empress, and I’ll just possess you. Grandaughter.’ EW. Why would she want that? How is that a tempting offer? Someone’s gone senile.
Direct quote: “I got to go do something!” “I’m coming with you!” Why do these people get attached so quickly?!
“Luke was saved by his father. The only family you have here is me.” Yeah, but I got a boyfriend who follows me everywhere!
Ben runs and jumps: “Ow.”
We finally get to see the Knight’s of Ren in action! (Where have they been this whole time?)
“Once you kill me I shall become apart of you!” So she could just, not kill him. Right?
Oh yeah, here we go, now we got a showdown!
Well, that was anticlimactic
WHAT IS HAPPENING
Poe just realized he's the worst General ever.
YO. Don’t tell your troops there is no hope! What is wrong with you???
Why isn't Lando the General? He is a lot more qualified!!!
Wait a minute!! Where were all these people when LEIA ORGANA called for help????
Wedge Antilles!!!!!!
So all the life force sucking was just so Palpatine could up grade his outfit?
*Flings Ben into a pit* Palpatine is so done with the Skywalkers
Hey, I know these voices!!!!
Aaaaand now he wants to kill her.
So whats our big moment? TWO lightsabers!
Why did the make that the big epic moment? Why didn’t they have Ben run over and they do it together- It would have been perfect for his story arch! Rey: “And we” Together: “are all the Jedi!”
Now she's dying. Why? Not even the writers know
So Finn’s Force sensitive. Cool I guess?
This is a really touching moment for them, even more so if they did anything other than fight this entire movie!
This kinda feels out of nowhere
I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW
NOW SHE’S SMILING AND FINE. HE JUST DIED
Merry’s here again and I can’t even be happy about it
Now Finn has to chose between Rose and the new girl
Poe’s trying to start something with his Power Ranger old flame, and she's like “Not a chance.”
Now everything’s all happy like BEN DIDN’T JUST DIE. ARE WE NOT GOING TO ADDRESS THIS??????????
Oh hey, it’s the Lars farm. Nobody else moved in after all these years?
Now she's burying the Skywalker lightsabers in the place they all hated.
WHY IS BEN NOT HERE!!!!!!! HE WAS A MAIN CHARACTER FOR THESE MOVIES AND THEY DID HIM DIRTY!!!!!!
Well I guess they had to wrap this mess up somehow
#star wars#rise of skywalker#ben solo#kylo ren#kylo redemption#rey#rey of jakku#rey x ben#luke skywalker#leia organa#leia deserved better#ben deserves better#ben solo lives#finn star wars#poe star wars#c-3po#r2d2#hairdryer#lando#harrison ford#chewbacca#what a mess#millennium falcon#lightsaber#x-wing#poe dameron#stormtrooper#imperial star destroyer#death star#emperor palpatine
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Episode 165
Honorable mentions:
Not @ how sera literally did not react to arlo saying that he had her suspended?
I know that the last time people were saying the word oof was like 2018 but I literally can’t stop i swear it only comes out when im typing.
Is seraphina aware that cecile is currently working with John? Is anyone other than the superhero posse??
I love cecile and i know i keep saying this but for some reason whenever i see her in scenes, i still feel like i miss her even during the scene like? I don’t know what’s missing from her appearances, but i feel like i haven’t read cecile since before the hiatus and it’s messing with me
I WANT CECILE TO FINESSE THE SHIT OUT OF JOHN NOW THAT SHE’S IN ARLO’S OLD POSITION. ARLO JUST CREATED THIS BIG CONFLICT (? wording, but i mean how he ended things with john (doesn’t sound like what i'm describing)), BUT I NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY MIND TRICKS ON JOHN PLEASE
The caps are immature i realize they lower my respectability and i’ll reflect on that. Lots of self-reflection today hm
I “talk” too much in these. Like. Notes from me, the author. I don’t like especially how much i did it in this weeks thing but we always have episode 166 so
Started this like an hour after episode 166 came out so you know im hating myself rn
But it’s here so yay
Arlo and Sera’s conversation:
We’ve given up on names so here we are. Also, this isn’t going to be all that thorough or structured if that makes sense. I have sparse thoughts on this conversation other than ohmygod i love that this is happening. So this is probably going to be like slightly more than honorable mentions: arlo/sera edition.
First off, the things that surprised Sera about John, or just the whole situation, surprised me. She, overall, seemed genuinely surprised about his power and some things he hid about his past. And, I mean, I get that, but she seemed almost as concerned at the fact that John wasn’t homeschooled than when she learned that he was powerful enough to be the king at his old school (grammer?). I don’t know. I’m bad at explaining. Thinking too, thinking is hard. Anyway, I noticed that she questioned the most about how bad/powerful could john really be and stuff like that. Example: “Why do you and Elaine both talk about him as if he’s some kind of monster? Was your experience with him really that terrible?” Sera had a difficult time grasping just how powerful John was. This surprised me for a bunch of reasons. 1. He’s literally? Joker? Everyone is afraid to death of him, there’s a reason why. 2. Sera literally saw John single-handedly defeat all of the royals???? Including Arlo? Arlo’s ability is a 6.5. That’s already incredible, but the fact that John managed to defeat both him and the other royals? You can’t do that unless you are insanely powerful. 3. How are you surprised that John was the king at his old school he literally dethroned a prestigious school’s (wellston’s) king and you don’t think he was the most powerful at New Bostin?
More on Sera being surprised about John’s past: Even Arlo was surprised that Sera was shocked. John had literally lied about having an ability to Sera, and a homeschooled background helped his story loads, what with how positive he always was at school and how he never seemed to let the hierarchy intimidate him because he hadn’t been indoctrinated or whatever. I don’t really know. Anyway, especially with the way that John has been lying to Sera big time for the whole time they’ve known each other, you wouldn’t think that she would be so surprised by this. I know that this whole thing isn’t that important, it just stood out to me though.
Something I’m also really confused over is the fact that Seraphina displayed literally no signs of shock after learning that John got 1. Expelled from his old school by 2. Beating up his whole grade. ????. All we get from Sera is a, “expelled…?” brutalized his classmates?” Like??? You got so worked up over the fact that he was king, but this doesn’t phase you?
Sorry this just became me ranting about Sera and her brain because it confuses me im sorry oof.
Something else that’s not in regard to Sera and her reactions is how Arlo describes John’s attitude towards Seraphina. I’ll admit, as he started talking about how John ordered him around and told him to look after Seraphina, I was a bit surprised by just how obsessed John seemed with Sera, though I obviously already knew everything. Having Arlo lay it all out for me was enlightening, Okay? John gives off major, and I had to google this word so pay attention, yandere vibes. I have no clue how thats different from like tsundere (? spelling?) or any of the others, but I looked at the definition and it fit what I was thinking of. The definition of yandere is: “a Japanese term for a person who is initially very loving and gentle to someone (or at least innocent) before their devotion becomes destructive in nature, often through violence and/or brutality.” So: that’s fun. And we’ve seen these traits in John towards Seraphina throughout the course of the story. John literally beat up a group of kids in an abandoned house because they hurt Seraphina, he attacked a girl because she threw something at Seraphina, e.t.c.. I think you get my point. Anyway, because the entire concept of unordinary is to mock anime stereotypes, i think that uru-chan is aware of what John’s character is (a yandere (hopefully because if i misunderstand this this is a big r.i.p.)) and is using that as a cookie cutter stencil thing for John at the moment. I’m not really sure. Anyway, this interested me a bit, realizing just how harsh and obvious John’s obsession around Seraphina was, and I always, you know, realized it, just seeing it all bunched together here made it stand out in a way it never really has to me. But also as an afternote, John also prioritizes revenge on behalf of sera over sera herself and i don’t know if that helps the yandere argument or contradicts it. oof.
Also: because of the way that what arlo said struck me, I can’t even imagine how Seraphina herself feels. Learning that your best friend is literally basically murderously obsessed with you must not be fun? Anyway. That’s that. I probably could go on, but no more words are coming to me about this so-
I just want to say that I need Arlo and Seraphina to become close after this please and thank you and no this does not belong in the honorable mentions because this. is . important. :)\
And yes, we’re going to gloss over the fact that sera said she was going to have a talk with john after she thought things through because i dont even want to attempt at talking about this it’s too vague and far in the future and yet not at the same time and i don’t know what to say.
Cecile and John:
My poor girl cecile all she wants is power and who can blame her. The lengths she’s going through: respect. Anyway, Cecile always does such a good job of riling up john, but at the same time being completely right.
I appreciated the explanation of how unknowingly john made things worse at wellston for seraphina. I’ve never thought about it in the way that cecile did. I think when John destroyed the hierarchy he figured Sera would be considered an equal to everybody else. But, obviously, that horribly backfired.
Literally don’t know what to say this section was short and there’s nothing i can really say that i haven’t
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hl1/2 gordon scentric hc time
im rly feeling half life in this chillis tonight so....some....hc’s about everyones favourite free man, i have a lot so enjoy
-he’s actually mute and uses sign language but only about 50% of the time cuz people either don’t know what he’s saying or he can’t do it whilst holding like 20 different guns/weapons to protect himself so instead he makes big gestures a lot or writes down what hes trying to say (pretty much everyone at black mesa could understand him via sign language so he was very comfortable using it, during hl2 however he has to keep reminding himself not everyone is fluent and it frustrates him to no end)
-when he tries to speak it hurts and the most sound he can make is mumbles or little sqeaks so if theres ever a time he needs to alert someone to dangers reeeal quick he ends up hurting his throat a lot to try and make some kind of warning noise thats loud enough, he can hum tho and enjoys humming along to music as well as when he’s signing to try and convey some kind of emotion along with his facial features of which he emotes a LOT
-his hand writing looks like that of an actual dotors and its neat cursive but very hard to read so if he’s trying to write as a form of communication he just defaults to caps with big spaces inbetween and people (barney) tease him about it constantly (barney)
- hes incredibly short sighted without his glasses and ends up squinting a lot without them on and since he’s usualy default bitch facing he just looks very angry all the time when really he just cant see anything please dont be offended sir he didnt mean to upset you
-is actually very scared all the time abt like everything, hes literally just a scientist who just happened to be “the right man in the wrong place” and was just so determined to try and save those around him during the cascade that he pushed thorough his fears and anxiety to try and get the job done but he def has some form of ptsd after it all, barnicles specifically really freak him out because getting strangled and slowly lifted off of the ground into a row of razor sharp teeth is fucking TERRIFYING and he wouldnt wish it on anyone
-only reason he knows how to use guns is because barney would regularly take him down to the shooting range during their breaks and they’d see who could shoot straightest after a few drinks, barney would always win.
-after hl1 when he was put into stasis and he wakes up in hl2 hes lost like 20 years of his life and hates that fact terribly, all his friends have aged around him but hes still in his 20′s when he shouldnt be and he hates it so fucking much
-he also finds himself missing the feeling of the HEV suit terribly during the begining of his re-awakening in city 17, he’d grown so used to the feeling of it on him and keeping him safe that it makes him anxious without it and the cold air on his hands is also uncomfortable so he prefers wearing gloves all the time, when he finally gets the HEV suit back it feels like a weight has been lifted and he can finally stop worrying, the suits voice is also a comforting sound beccause its familiar and a sign that he’s not alone, same goes with the healing station and suit charging noises; they’re a comforting sound to hear and he enjoys humming along to the vrwwwrrrr vrrwwrrr vrwrrrrwr the machine makes when he plugs into the port
-he worries about overdosing on the healing stations a lot though; the morphone they give out is indefinite and once during the casade he’d passed out from taking to much and woken up to a zombie very slowly approaching him from down a corridoor but with how drowzy he was it was it was a horrible struggle to lift the gun and fire between dozing in and out
-he gets attached to people quickly since also during the cascade days he’d regularly meet people in danger who only had him to keep them safe so he tries his absolute hardest to make sure he can protect people even if that means he gets shot in the process, the suit usually protects him/heals him anyway so he’s used to it and if theres danger he almost default/automatically moves infront of people to make sure they’re okay without any concern for his own safety
-he also reeeally likes antlions and will pet them any chance he gets, he tried to do it when he first saw them and almost lost a hand so it makes him upset he has to kill them but when he finally gets the bug bite from the vorts? ohhhhohohoh he pets so many antlions, it again makes him sad he has to use them as like fodder for turrets and stuff but if an antlion comes back to him after taking down a turret or killing a combine he gives them extra pets and becomes a very proud papa
-since hes technically in his 30′s (and would be nearing his 40′s had he not been in stasis) he feels more of a big brother/fatherly bond toward Alyx since he’d also met her as a baby and finds any romantic involvement with her awkward, (so Elli’s comment on him “wanting grandkids” he ends up slapping the man on the arm with a frown to which Eli just laughs) this doesn’t help his attachment issue though so when they have to seperate to do things away from the other he worries for her safety even though she constantly assures him she can take care of herself and he KNOWS she can. he still really can’t help but worry though...
after hl2 ep2:
-when eli dies i dont like to think they all straight away go to mossman and instead get to spend some time mourning at the base, this gives gordon some time to finally sit down and relax for a little bit but he finds it incredibly hard to even take off the HEV suit at first because to him there was no passage of time between being put into stasis and waking up in city 17 all those years later; he’d closed his eyes, went into the portal and then the next second awakened in a completely unfamiliar place, in unfamiliar clothes with unfamiliar people (he definitely had a panic attack before geting off that very first train) and the thought of that happening again when he’s not prepared is terrifying.
-when he does finally take off the suit (after a lot of helping and reasuring from alyx, kleiner and barney a LOT from barney; theyre very good friends (;) he takes to wearing very comfy and heavy clothes such as jumpers, ponchos etc as well as a bullet proof vest because it makes him feel safe, the HEV suit gloves he retires entirely cuz theyre gross, definitely covered in his own blood and have been through hell so instead he has a bunch of different pairs he cycles through depending on how he feels that people around the base give him after learning about his fondness towards them
-he secretly carries a gun around with him even when they’re not in any danger becaus it’s another added layer of security and becaus he literally can’t trust things to not go bad EVER; now though nothing will go wrong again on his watch because he’ll be ready for it!! this really doesn’t help with his nerves though since he’s constantly looking for something to go wrong
scene specific hc’s:
-i always think abt that one specific sene in the train that gets derailed where alyx is trapped by a stalker and gordon has to pull it away with his gravity gun and i always imagine him franticly pulling it away with so much alarm on his face and such panic, when shes free though and has to stop to catch her breath gordon would give her a hug and make sure she’s okay cuz it must have been terrifying to have that thing screaming inches from ur face, gordon just instantly goes into protect mode
-another scene that always comes to mind is when you first encounter an advisor and it makes that horrid loud noise where alyx is holding her head; i imagine gordon almost dropping the gravity gun in a panic to try and cover his ears because he doesn’t handle loud noises too well and it freaks him out so much alyx has to help him get out of the room since he kind of locks up on hearing it
-same goes when you get trapped by an advisor in a barn and almost become food for it; gordon is absolutely terrified at getting so up and close without being able to move that when it finally does drop him he starts hyperventilating and alyx has to protect him from the oncoming combine for a little while before he can catch his breath
-last scenes but some of my favorites are the ENTIRE sections of gordon being up close with breen,
first being the teleporter malfunctioning and when gordons heavy breathing i imagine hes trying super hard not to start freaking out/hyperventilating and when breens doing his “i want that twink obliterated” spiel and then looks up and says his name, gordon almost looses it and internally is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
second is when youre trapped in that like...metal contraption thing the stalkers are carried in and brought to breens officce and that entire section where breen is talking directly TO YOU i just adore it becausee gordon would have been looking away awkwardly unable to actually respond and furrowing his eyebrows at the nerve breen has upon thinking you would ever agree to any such terms and would definitely also spit in breens face as a response just like alyx did since he can’t use words
okay that is all, if you read all of these you’re amazing and i love u and also gordon hes an amazing “character” because i can insert as many of my own quirks into him as i please because valve literally never gave him a personallity :^)
#half life#half life 2#gordon freeman#headcanon#long post#text post#headcanons#ive been meaning to compile all this stuff into one for years now so here you go this is my gordon hes a mess
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2 3 7 10 12 13 14 18 19 20 40 46 50 Quarantine asks? (Sorry if thats too many)
That’s totally fine! Happy to answer questions, haha
I hope you don’t mind if I sometimes take the opportunity to go off on tangents and anecdotes, though. If it comes up.
Whew, alright. Let’s do this.
I’m gonna put this under a readmore because it’s probably gonna get long. And because, for once in my life, I am actually on the desktop version of tumblr.
2. Grilled Cheese or PB&J?
Grilled cheese. PB&Js can get soggy more easily, and they can be kind of mushy if you get the ratios wrong. Besides, they’re much more likely to be sticky and messy, and honestly there are very few things I hate more in this world than having my hands or face be sticky.
3. Background video for when i don’t have anything to watch, but I want Something On?
I really like this youtube series called Citation Needed. Its premise is that it’s kind of like a reverse trivia thing. One guy has a laptop with a wikipedia article up, and he’ll give the other 3 guys only the name of the article, and they have to figure out what the article is about. It’s hilarious, and also informative. Honestly, pretty much anything with Tom Scott is good background stuff, I’ve found. That might just be because he makes videos about computer science and linguistics, though, and those two things are pretty much my favorites.
7. First word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “mom” or “dad”)?
I’m pretty sure it was “ball.” Boring, I know.
10. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?
I own a few signed books, but that was mostly just happenstance. The only thing I have that’s special for being signed is a poster for a play I was going to be in. It was cancelled due to the coronavirus, sadly. It’s signed by a lot of the other members of the cast and crew.
12. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get, if you could get anything?
I alternate between regular cream cheese and strawberry cream cheese. Honestly, I’m intrigued by the idea of a thin layer of cheesecake on top of a proper new york bagel. (though the idea of cheesecake on one of those “it’s just circular bread” bagels sounds horrible)
13. Brunch or midnight snacks?
Why not both? A snack after I wake up, and then a lunch(?) somewhere between 10 am and 3 pm, dinner at about 6:30, and then a midnight snack.
14. Favorite mug you own?
I’ve got a few that are great. There’s one that looks like a red solo cup, which is awesome. I’ve also got one with a cat on it sitting at a desk with a bunch of papers with complicated graphs on them saying “at one point, this made perfect sense”
18. What’s the one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you like nonetheless?
Uh... hm. I don’t watch many TV shows. Recently I’ve been binging My Hero Academia, but I don’t think that’s the answer to the question. There isn’t one, really? I used to watch TV shows that I now find kind of embarrassing, but at the time I was smack dab in the middle of the demographic, and I didn’t find them embarrassing at the time. There is a TV show that I was watching a few months ago (but ended up dropping) called Interviews with Monster Girls that definitely fit into this category, though.
19. That book you were forced to read for class but ended up enjoying?
Hmm. There were a few books that I liked when I read them but have since grown less enthusiastic about, including Lord of the Flies and the Great Gatsby. However, I did really like To Kill a Mockingbird. I actually had to read that twice for school, once in middle school and once in high school.
20. Do you match your socks?
It depends. I’ve got some socks where I definitely match them, because they’ve got words on them or something, but there are some pairs where I don’t worry about it too much. That said, I absolutely make sure that the socks are the same thickness, the same material, and the same height. Otherwise, it’s unbearable. Basically, since all of my socks are colorful and patterned and from a bunch of different sets, I just make sure the two socks are from the same set.
And now it’s time for:
SOCKS THAT MY MOM HAS GOTTEN ME OVER THE YEARS:
-a pair that say “Kick this day in it’s sunshiney ass”
-a pair that say “I’m a delicate fucking flower”
-a pair that say “Love you... weirdo”
-a pair that say “These are my cuddly period socks”
-a pair that say “Cats don’t care if you’re crazy”
-my grandmother got me a pair that say “fuck off, I’m reading”
-a pair that say “you say crazy cat lady like it’s a bad thing”
And my personal favorite,
-a pair that say “Adult in training” (They seem like they’ll always bee too big for me)
Alright, back to the questions
40. Where do you sit in the living room?
Either on the left side of the couch or on one of the two chairs opposite the couch. Mostly the couch. There are only really 3 places to sit in the living room, and I don’t really spend enough time there to have a specific place. Really, the only place where I have a “specific place” is at the kitchen table.
46. What’s the freezer food you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?
I don’t really have a staple for this. I guess... pasta? Mac and cheese or tortellini? Most of the time I just buy box mac and cheese and non-frozen tortellini, though.
50. How are you at climbing trees?
Oh man. I miss the days when I feared neither bugs nor moss nor splinters. I had a reputation as a kid. I could (and would) climb anything. I made a point to climb as high as I could any time I saw a climbable tree, and usually I made it pretty far. I remember one time I was at the park with my friends, and there was this huge pine tree. The branches all started too high up to reach, but there was a chain-link fence right beneath it. I climbed up the fence and into the tree, and then I just kept climbing. I got all the way to the very top. The crows that were sitting up there looked kind of confused. My friends were impressed, though.
I also used to climb to the top of the chain-link thing behind home base at the baseball diamond at that park too. Though, it was pretty common for me to be yelled at for that. The fence was kind of coming apart from the railing at the very top of the cone-shaped part, and so people got nervous when I went up there and laid on the fencing. Never fell, though.
I also found a way to get on top of one of the buildings at that park. There was a fence that connected up with the back of the building, and there was also a pipe that went up the side of the building. I realized that by climbing on the fence, I could reach the pipe, and I could climb up the brackets holding it to the wall and onto the roof. Eventually, my mom told me that I had to stop doing that, because it was making other parents nervous and she was tired of explaining that “Yes, I know my child is on the roof. Yes, it’s fine. Yes, she can get back down. No, I’m not concerned.” And she also didn’t want other kids who couldn’t get back down safely to copy me. “Hey, stop, you’re making other parents nervous and I’m tired of having to constantly explain that everything’s fine” was a pretty common thing for me to hear.
There was also that time that I was at a summer camp, and there was a tree. I went up there with a few of my friends, and we were having a grand old time. Eventually, I found a bouncy branch and decided to bounce on it. One of my friends was like “Hey, uh, are you sure that’s safe? It looks like it might break.” And I said “Yeah, it’s fine! Besides, I’ve got this other branch to hold on to if anything happens, not that it wil”--*SNAP* and then I fell. Luckily, I managed to catch myself on another branch on the way down, so it was more like a 7 foot fall than a 15 foot fall, but still. I was fine, if shaken. However, that led to a limit on how high into that tree we were allowed to climb.
I was also the one who most commonly ignored that limit.
So, in summary: Pretty good.
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Kind of a rant about what is stressing me out right now. Putting under a read more. Just need someplace to vent it.
If you do decide to read this, it is a long, long, long post. Like really long. Just saying. SO LONG.
This week has been very stressful, with the biggest stressor, my missing niece now resolved.
The first issue I am dealing with is my cousin who relapsed back into depression. She called me the other day crying and asking if I could help her (I didn’t know with what at the time) because she was at her rope’s end and was so down and stressed out. She had not been taking her meds and her house was messy and wanted me to help her clean it.
Her mom died back in 2013 from cancer and it hit her incredibly hard. She slipped into a big depression and kind of has never really come out of it. She has a son and a few years after her mom died, her house was crazy messy and I guess not fit for living because her brother and his wife called children’s services and her kid was taken away. She had to get the house back in order to get him back. Her family came in and pretty much threw everything away and I assume cleaned the house up to where it was acceptable. She had many pets at the time and the children’s service made her get rid of all of them and said she couldn’t have pets anymore. She got her son back and was ordered to go to therapy and take medicine for her depression.
So, apparently for nearly the last year, she hasn’t been taking her medicine. She goes to her appointments and gets them filled, but doesn’t take them. The questions asked at behavioral health, where I also go, I guess weren’t specific for her to answer where they could see that she was having issues. Basically asked if she wanted to harm herself or others and thats it. So she just didn’t get help because she wouldn’t say anything and they weren’t asking the right questions.
She stopped taking her meds because she thought she didn’t need them. This is a common thing for people struggling with depression. You feel happy and you think you are better and you believe it can’t be just the medicine, but that you have gotten better, so you stop the medicine. Well, that usually leads to a relapse.
I went over there Wednesday night and I honestly figured I would find a lot of trash and a really cluttered and messy house. I never saw what it was like before she got into trouble and I hadn’t been there since before my aunt died. They usually came to our house.
It was horrible guys. If children services walked in, she would lose her son. They aren’t staying in the house at night. Her dad has a girlfriend he stays with a lot so they stay at his house in the evenings. However, they do spend time in the house.
Anyway, I walked in and I almost threw up. The smell of urine was so so strong. She has 16 cats in that house. The living room didn’t have trash in it, she might have cleaned that part, but there was a rug that was pretty nasty, probably from urine and just cats everywhere. In the rooms, I could see there was just mountains of trash, clothes, bulky items, toys, and who knows what else covered in urine and crap.
I had brought gloves with me and we started in her room just picking up everything off the floor and throwing it away. Nothing was salvageable. I was able to work at it for an hour, but it was slow work because I had to maneuver in a way that I wouldn’t get excrement all over me. I had no idea that was what I would be walking into. My niece is still missing at this point and I get a call an hour after I get there from someone who had spotted her, I had made a post for people to share on FB. I got all of the information and passed it on to the mom and waited for 30 minutes in case anyone needed to call me back. I told her I could probably stay for another hour because my mom and grandpa would be going to bed and I had to be there to keep the dogs from acting crazy and being loud.
ALRIGHT, so that is the situation I am in. I just don’t know how to help. I am so completely overwhelmed. The mess is insane and its everywhere. On top of that, since the house is a giant litterbox, if she doesn’t get rid of the animals, all of this is a waste of time. I am stressed because I said I would help her, but I can’t devote all of my time to this, especially if she isn’t taking steps to keep it from happening. Trying to figure out how I can help and what can be done to actually make a dent is one of the reasons I was having panic attacks. I don’t want her to lose her son and I am afraid if I can’t help she will. My mom said I couldn’t put that on me, but I said I would help, so I don’t know how it isn’t on me. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, I could have never imagined what I saw. And on top of it, I feel bad for not wanting to do it. I feel like a horrible person. I want to help, but I can’t do all of it.
That is one of my big stressors right now. I am supposed to go over there tomorrow. This is like my big emotional, worrying stressor. I feel like I am letting her down and making things worse for her, but I can’t put myself to be put in a constant position of anxiety. I felt so overwhelmed over there and helpless. But, what does my stress matter when her situation is dire and could result in her losing custody of her kid. I don’t know what to do and I feel horrible all the time.
The 2nd issue is my aunt is pretty much at our house all the time and I miss the peace and quiet. This issue is like my constant annoyance and anxiety-inducing issue because my space has been invaded and my mom is on edge. We are a pretty quiet bunch at my house. Before I got back into reading I was binge-watching TV with my mom and my grandpa was working and going to bed an hour or so after he got home. We stayed in and just enjoyed chilling.
This thing with my aunt probably started in the middle of July. She was already living back in the state, but like a city away with a high-school friend of hers. Well then her “husband”, who I feel is a colossal tool and a drunk (which causes my insane levels of anxiety because my dad was an abusive alcoholic) is asked if he wants to take custody of his kids, who live in California because their mother just lost her parental rights. He says yes so they have to get a place of their own that can hold three kids. So they move back into town. They don’t have a car, she doesn’t have a job, and his job is stupid. He does construction and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, its a great job if you have a good boss. His bosses suck. They only got paid when a job was done, so they barely had money to keep up with bills. So they moved into town and their trailer’s A/C unit was broken, so they moved in with us for a month. They don’t have the kids right now because they were arranging an inspection date and also doing court appointments to take away the mom’s rights.
Anyway, it was kind of okay when they were here. I mean they were all up in our space and she doesn’t know how to talk on the phone quietly and be considerate of other people. Their air gets fixed and they go back home, only for him to get a job with a guy who goes out of town every week. Well, she doesn’t want to stay at home on her own, so she has my mom come and get her everyday to hang out over here. My mom is back in school. She has said repeatedly that she wouldn’t be able to entertain because of schoolwork, but my aunt says that she won’t be in the way, just doesn’t want to sit at home all day. I guess she prefers to do the same thing over here.
My aunt is a massive and probably a little crazy bitch. She gets insanely angry and defensive and just stupid over idiotic things. Her “husband”, they ain’t married but she calls him that, is a bad father. He hasn’t seen his kids in 11 years and he barely talks to them. He is also 13 years younger than her and kind of a tool. Well, she doesn’t want his kids here. She says online all the time that she just wants him to have a chance with his kids but then says to us that she isn’t going to be responsible for them, her kids are grown. She bitches, loudly all day on the phone at him and to her daughter and to her stupid friend about how much he sucks and she doesn’t want the kids here and all that jazz.
So that is just a constant interruption to everything in my house. She also tells me how I am not training my dogs right and that my dogs don’t see me as the leader of the pack and they don’t respect me, even though I have no issues with my dogs. She wants to think she knows everything.
Even with all of that, it was still tolerable, not very, but tolerable.
She doesn’t have a car, so she has my mom take her everywhere. She uses her as a chauffeur. My mom went out four times in one day because she couldn’t remember stuff. Asked my mom to take her to get toilet paper, which is fine. My mom takes her and she gets everything but toilet paper and doesn’t remember that until my mom is back home. So she says she needs her to come back again. My mom does and then gets back home and gets a message that she forgot to get a soda and needs one because she needs caffeine, so my mom goes out again. She gets back home and is getting ready for bed and then the little FB Messenger sound goes off, which is like traumatizing to us now, and asks for her to take her to get cigarettes. Four times in one day. LIKE DAMN WOMAN GET YOUR SHIT AT ONCE!!!
But she is always asking things like that. I need this and I need that and it is always more than once a day. On top of her needing to go places she also needs to be brought over here so she isn’t alone at her house that she wanted! She doesn’t do anything here she couldn’t do at home. I stay in my room and read because she annoys me too much and my mom stays in her room and tries to do her schoolwork. I say try because my aunt is either talking too loudly on her phone or going in and out of my mom’s room bothering her.
I tell her she has to learn to say no. It is one thing to help family, but it is too much. And she is so entitled about it. She doesn’t ask can you do me a favor or if you have time can you help with this it is just I NEED YOU TO DO THIS and NEED YOU TO TAKE ME HERE. Like seriously! She also wants it done on her schedule. My mom gets up at 6 AM most days and she pretty much gets a message as soon as her computer turns on because my aunt can see that she is active on FB, asking her to come and get her. My mom will say she’s on her way and then my aunt tells her to wait 30 minutes because she is going to take a shower. Or there are days where my mom is planning to run her own errands and she messages my aunt to ask if she needs to go out, so she can go ahead and get it out the way. She’ll say she does and then tells my mom she will call her when she is ready. LIKE IT ISN’T YOUR TIME!!
She is so selfish and ungrateful and it is pissing me off. My mom likes to do stuff early in the morning. That means errands, any big stuff around the house, and also her schoolwork. She is constantly being interrupted and having to go out almost every day, usually multiples times a day for just stupid stuff. It's hot here in GA, so by like 10 AM she is exhausted and in a bad mood. Her morning where she should would have been productive in school is shot and now she feels like crap.
I try and tell her to stop doing all of it. The car is actually mine like I bought it and its in my name, but basically, we both drive it. I tell her to tell my aunt that I said the car wasn’t leaving and that she could make me the bad guy. She won’t.
My aunt is volatile. I remember when I was 19 I was supposed to buy a computer from her but her daughter told me not to because it was junk and barely worked. So I said I wasn’t going to get it and said I needed to buy a phone instead, so as not to get her kid in trouble. She calls me a stupid, selfish bitch and irresponsible for spending my money that way. Rants at me through text for 30 minutes, cursing me constantly. I worked a full-time job and was out a lot and I tried to explain the need for a new phone and she was furious. Like, how are you going to cuss out your own niece like that?
So yeah she is mad crazy belligerent and just a mean bitchy woman. I think my mom wants to prevent a big blow-up, but I say bring it on. It has to be enough at some point.
My mom just got her school refund and my aunt made sure to be at our house the day it was supposed to post. Had my mom go get her because she said she didn’t want to stay at home. I get up at 10 AM and the money hadn’t posted. It should have by 8 AM. I tell my mom that it probably would not post all weekend and five minutes after she hears that she says her “husband” isn’t going to work after all and that she is ready to go home. YEAH, OKAY.
So, from this past Monday until Thursday, she was over her every day all up our asses. She was supposed to be getting some work from home job that requires the internet and her “husband” wasn’t making enough to pay the bills so she has my mom pay the internet. She comes over here and has me print out 80 pages for this test she has to study for. The original to print out was 167 and I told her that I wouldn’t be able to, but would try. I don’t have an industrial printer, so this was going to take a long time. On top of that, the one pack of paper we had was only 187 sheets and I knew some had already been used so I told her I would have to print it double-sided which would make it an even longer process. My printer also has a cooldown period when it runs for too long, so yeah just longer and longer. She keeps bitching about it and saying why isn’t it done yet. I end up having to stop it at just 40 pages in because the ink clogged up. I needed to clean it. I told her I would have to start up again and she asked for one-sided because it would be faster. My mom told me to just do it so she could take her home and get started on her schoolwork. I do that, but again this printer is not industrial. The stuff that is being printed is more or less wall to wall text. The printer has been going for over two hours. So it is slow and needs to keep cooling down. She finally just says she will take what there is and go home and hope its enough for her test. Well, she wasn’t even supposed to take the test until tomorrow so she could study for it. She took it today and failed it. My mom thinks she had no intention of really trying and did all of that so we would pay her internet. She didn’t say thank you for the stuff being printed or for my mom paying the bill.
Our freezer broke a few months ago, so my mom got a new one so we could buy a lot of meats and have room for them. So in moving things out the way to bring a new one in made the house really messy. My mom said that she had so much left to do like clean the house and then do her schoolwork. I told her not to worry about the house because my aunt and I would take care of it, she always says she will help at the house since she is over so much. My aunt has the nerve to say she wouldn’t be doing anything because she had to crack down and study. STUDY WHAT, IT WASN’T EVEN PRINTED. She said she had to get that work done. I think if she had been facing me when she said it and had seen my face, all hell would have broken out. She has the audacity to say that she can’t do anything and has to focus on a test when she interrupts my mom’s schoolwork every goddamn day.
SO YEAH, I am like angry most of the time. AND JOY OF ALL JOY, she will be here starting on Monday for a whole week while her punk-ass man is Tennessee on a job. She will probably be here this weekend anyway because she just needs something every single day. She even asked my mom to buy her douche dude a new pair of shoes, even though he just bought some a month ago. He left the box at our house. LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS.
Oh my god. I am so stressed and I am probably developing ulcers. That is my mom’s sister and if she hasn’t seen fit to tell her off, I don’t know how I can.
Every now and again my mom says she can’t come out because she has too much to do or she says well I wasn’t planning on leaving so it will have to be another day. But it isn’t often.
I don’t understand how one person can be so selfish, hateful, and ungrateful.
If you made it through all of this, bless your heart.
I am so sorry for the rant, but I don’t have a real outlet for all of this. If I were to attempt to journal this I would develop carpal tunnel.
I just want to relax. I had gotten into such a good rhythm dealing with my anxiety and depression and I feel like I am regressing. I take my meds, but I don’t think it is enough. I am either so keyed up from stress or I am having panic attacks that I can’t sleep until I am exhausted.
I am supposed to be using this time in between semester to relax and it just isn’t happening.
I’m a grumpy old lady now, I want my peace and quiet.
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Sixty-nine
Randi
Cayden and his friends were drinking and doing god knows what else while watching the game. I had agreed to let him host the party here, which i was kind of regretting because they were loud as hell and it made it hard to take my mid day naps. I had left for a bit to go and pick up some groceries so i could make some food for them to eat plus some snacks and such and now i was back home. I walked past going to put the stuff in the kitchen.
“Baby, you back?” Cayden said, getting up and coming to the kitchen.
“Yeah, just went to target,” I said, taking stuff out of the bag.
“How’s my baby?” He put his arms around me to grab my belly.
“Active. He’s been jumping around all day,” I sighed. He moved his hand around.
“That’s because he’s a little baller. Or maybe a gymnast if it’s a girl.”
“Mmhm,” i said, putting my hand over his. Somebody scored and the guys got all excited. We both looked over. I started taking stuff out the bags. Cayden removed his hands and started going back to the living area. I glanced at him and saw his jaw was locked and arms flexed. I was confused. He walked up to Rambo and smacked him on the back of the head.
“Damn man!” Rambo jumped. He turned around and Cayden grabbed the blunt that he must have just lit out of his mouth.
“I told your slow ass not to be smoking in my house when my wife is pregnant. Are you dumb? That’s my kid you fucking with bruh,”
“My bad Cayden, I forgot,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry man,” he said. Everyone else looked to see what Cayden was gonna do. I already knew what he was planning to do and considering he was China’s man and what not i couldn’t have them falling out or that would make things awkward for all of us. I put the milk I was holding down. I reluctantly intervened.
“It’s ok baby,” i said to him from the kitchen. He looked up at me and I gave him a look to calm down and of course he listened and backed down. He just put the blunt out and came to throw it out in the kitchen. He came up behind me and wrapped an arm around me again.
“Sorry,” He said by my ear just so I could hear.
“It’s ok,” I said, leaning up to kiss him. I wasn’t mad, after all he was right, it was bad for the baby. Cayden had stopped smoking, around the house anyways, all together. It was cute how concerned he was about the baby. He kissed my shoulder and I giggled.
“She’s already pregnant dog, give it a break,” ty said as he came strolling in to the kitchen to open the fridge. I blushed but laughed.
“Hey! I just got those,” I complained. But nobody was listening. He was long gone and they had broken into a play fight, crashing on to the floor and rolling around like children. “You’re 26 years old,” I grumbled, picking my rolls off the floor.
I made some stuff for the guys and then took my food upstairs to eat and watch some shows.
I ended up falling asleep after eating, but woke up a few hours later with terrible heart burn. That was happening a lot now. I would take it over being nauseous 24/7 like in the beginning, but it was still very uncomfortable. I went downstairs to go find some tums and realised Cayden and his friends were gone. I looked at my phone real quick and Cayden had texted me saying he was gonna go in to work. I got some tums and some milk and went back to the bedroom. I decided to give Cole a call because i hadn't talked to him in a while.
"Hi Colebear,"
"Hey lil mama. How you doing?" he asked.
"Im ok, just tired and sick all the time," i complained.
"That sounds horrible," he said. "How much longer you got anyways? Tryna make sure im there when the baby gets here."
"Still have like 4 months. Im ready for it to be over, and i just wanna hold my baby already." I groaned in frustration.
"When we gon find out if its a boy or girl? How am i supposed to buy them some swag if i dont know?"
"I was supposed to find out a while ago but i kept missing my appointments. Im going in a few days, should find out then."
"Word? aight keep me posted."
"I will," i said, "so whats up with you and Ty. He came to my house a week ago and from what he said yall had some drama when he visited." I was being nosy as usual.
"Aint no drama," he mumbled.
"What did you do?" i asked in an accusing tone. He sighed.
"I may have iced him out a little."
"Why?" i asked, confused.
"Things were getting...intense."
"Thats how a relationship works Cole," i pointed out.
"I know," he said simply. I smiled a little bit.
"I get it. I was the same way when Cayden and i started getting serious. It terrified me. It's scary to love someone."
"So what did you do?" He asked.
"Well Cayden didn't really give me an option to run. He followed me every time, " i laughed. "Eventually i just got tired of trying to run away and i just dove in. Now i'm married to the fool and carrying his baby."
"Diving in sounds terrifying."
"It is," i bit my lip, thinking back to when Cayden and i were still dating. "But its worth it."
"Ugh. I cant with this sappy shit right now. Im bout to go to practice and i dont need to be in my feelings while tackling a bunch of dudes."
"Okay fine, ill drop it for now. But you need to just accept you love him and move on. Don't overthink it," i said seriously.
"okay mom."
"Oh God, can you imagine someone is gonna be calling me that soon," i said, more to myself.
"I can see you as a mom. You always taking care of people or helping them fix their lives, even when they didnt ask," he laughed.
"What can i say, i dont know how to mind my business," i shrugged.
"Lowkey im the same," he said. "But i gotta go."
"Okay babe, have a good practice. Ill talk to you later."
He said bye and then i hung up.
Cayden
"Yo, How's the shipment going?" I asked him, referring to a deal i had going with Sean. He was organising the order while i handled the logistics and such.
"Man i don't think we have enough here. We gotta bring some from the other warehouse. I was gonna call Pat but i wanted to run it by you," he got up and i followed him out to the balcony looking down to the rest of the warehouse. It was busy with niggas at work like usual, organised by product.
"What he want?" i asked.
"Coke mostly, but he talking about he got some guy wants a bunch of crystal. We got 10, 20 pound max here," he said, nodding at the back of the room where the guys were breaking and weighing a fresh batch.
"Who the fuck wants to buy that much crystal?" My brows came together.
"Man who knows, thats your boy, ask him. Im just saying, thats pretty much all our supply from both warehouses, and we have one cook" he said. I nodded because he was right, but that wasn't my biggest concern. It was just weird to me that Sean was suddenly moving crystal when he had never before. I couldn't help think back to the time Randi asked if Sean could be trusted and wondered if she was on to something.
"Dont call Pat. Not yet anyways. Imma have a little meeting with Sean first," i decided.
"Got it," he nodded.
"By the way, thanks for checking on Randi while i was gone," i said. He shrugged.
"Uncle duties and what not," he smirked, "how she doing anyways? You weren't playing when you said she was emotional."
"She tired all the time, i feel bad. She go off on you?" I laughed.
"Nah, just crying and shit. I don't know how you do it."
"Ill take crying over when she gets angry."
"True," Ty nodded. I checked my watch.
"I gotta go find Keisha, i need her to get Sean here. I aint going to Cali, i just got back," i looked around a bit.
"She was here with Kassie earlier, training and what not. How you get her to come back anyways?" he raised a brow.
"I begged," i chuckled. " Why? you still got a crush on her? Thought you were all about the D now."
"Fuck you Cayden," he said, turning to go back to his office. I laughed and went off to find Keisha.
I ended up just calling Keisha from my office and she came up.
"Hey, sorry, Kassie was showing me around. She just left," she said.
"It's all good. I need you to do something for me though. 2 things actually."
"Sure, what is it?" she pulled out a pen and notepad.
"I need you to get Sean here. ASAP."
"Got it," she nodded.
"Also i need you to book me a trip, for 2. Jamaica, not business. Anytime in the next month or so," i looked up from my phone calendar.
"I'll get right on it..." she paused. "It's sweet. I mean, im assuming it's for your wife."
"Yeah it is. Gotta keep her happy," i shrugged. She smiled. Then she seemed to remember something and pulled out her phone
"Oh before i forget, the accountant is coming tomorrow. Just a reminder. Also, your calendar says its Ty's birthday soon, do you want me to arrange anything?"
"Remind me an hour before tomorrow. Get a gift for me, Randi is doing the rest. She throws unnecessary parties, its kind of her thing," i rolled my eyes.
"Okay then. Ill go start on this," she said, turning for the door.
"How was the training by the way?" i asked. Kassie had been here the whole time i was gone, showing her the ropes
"Good. She was really nice. She had a lot of great things to say about you. But i'm not surprised, you're a nice guy Cayden. I cant tell you how much this job means to me, my son too," she brushed her golden curls aside. "I mean i made decent money at the club, but...this is a lot better," she bit her lip. I nodded.
"You should have called me, I always cared about you Keisha," i smiled at her gently seeing her get emotional. She was all tough exterior, it was rare to see this side of her.
"I was embarrassed," she shrugged.
"You aint gotta be. How people make money is none of by business. Bur don't worry, i pay my assistants a lot. You gotta put up with my ass, just wait, you'll be sick of me soon."
She laughed.
"Thanks Cayden," she smiled.
"You're welcome," i said simply. She left and closed the door behind her.
Once she was gone i called Randi to check on her.
Randi
Cayden called me just after id gotten off with Cole. He asked how i was and then he was telling me about what he was doing and when he would be home. Then i heard someone talking in the background, it wasn't a guy though, it was a female voice.
“Who is that” I said.
“Who’s who?” He asked. I sat up straighter in the bed chair.
“The chick talking in the back ground,” i said. I couldn't think of any reason for there to be a girl in his office at the warehouse. I knew there were a few girls who were involved in selling and what not but Cayden didn't spend time talking to pedlars or people lower in the chain, he handled all the big time stuff. I started to wonder if he wasn't really at the warehouse but i didn't see why he would lie.
“Keisha,” he said, as if that meant anything. “My assistant.”
“When did you get an assistant? You don’t like anyone, how’d you even pick someone.”
“I told you months ago that I needed an assistant baby,” he reminded me. This was true but still.
“Hm,” I said simply.
“So we good then? I’ll see you in a few hours,” he said.
“Okay,” i said, hanging up. I had been too annoyed to say bye or I love you.
Why would he get an assistant without telling me? If that even was his assistant. I knew there was always random girls walking around that definitely weren’t assistants, the business kind anyways. I wondered what this Keisha girl was assisting Cayden with and my blood started to boil. I tried to not be this person but pregnancy also had me a bit mentally unstable and I wasn’t particularly confident right now. Was Cayden fooling around with another girl because i was becoming the size of a whale? I panicked and started to get up off the bed and pulled on a sweater.
I wasn’t really sure what I was doing until i was driving for 20 minutes and leaving the city to go towards the warehouse. I never came here on my own and I started to second guess myself as I pulled up and security immediately posted up. I got out of the car and locked it. One of the guys looked familiar though and I was pretty sure I’d seen him before.
“Are you lost shawty?” Another guy said, licking his lips in a disgusting way and looking down at me. I was about to release all my fury on him when the familiar guy spoke up.
“That’s Cayden’s wife you idiot” he said. The previous guy shrunk back.
“My bad,” he said quickly, head down.
“Should i get Cayden for you?” The familiar guy asked. I shook my head.
“I know my way,” I said, motioning to the door. They paused but moved out of the way. I adjusted my cardigan and went in. People stared at me because i rarely came period let alone on my own. Also I was pretty pregnant now which drew attention. I went upstairs to the offices and stopped in front of Cay’s. I debated whether or not to knock then decided against it. I opened the door and walked in.
Cayden looked up and his face went very confused when he saw me. He was in the chair and a girl stood beside him, bent over and pointing to the computer screen.
“Randi? What the fuck are you doing here?” He said. My face must not have looked happy because he quickly got up. “I mean is everything ok? Is it the baby?” He came over and put a hand to my lower back. I immediately checked his hand for the wedding band which was there.
“The baby’s fine,” I said, looking him over for lipstick, makeup, anything.
“What’s going on then?” He asked. I looked up at the girl standing and starring at us. Cayden looked up. “Keisha can you give me a minute with my wife,” she stood for a minute looking which was strange but then she shuffled out.
I was looking around his office looking for any signs of anything messy when Cayden put a hand to my cheek. “Baby, What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled, feeling like the biggest fool.
“You drove all the way up here for nothing. Nah,” he shook his head. I choked up, I couldn’t say I came because I thought you were cheating.
“I don’t feel good,” I lied. I did feel sick to my stomach all of a sudden but more out of guilt. Guilty that I’d thought he’d do something like that and also because the way he looked worried now that he thought I was sick.
“Maybe I should take you to the hospital,” he said, feeling my forehead.
“No I’ll be okay,” I said quickly. “I think I just need to go home,”
“I’ll take you,” He said “someone will come pick me up after.”
I agreed. He held me all the way out of his office and down the stairs. Once we got in the car I was still thinking about the fact that he got an assistant and didn’t tell me. That was still sketchy, cheating or not.
“How do you know her?” I asked.
“Keisha?” He asked. I waited for him to lie because honestly I already knew the truth. I was simply testing him. “Being 100, we used to fuck but it was a long time ago, and we were actually friends.”
“So is that why you didn’t tell me?” I asked.
“This about to be a problem isn’t it?” He asked. “Wait? Is that why you drove all the way down here?”
Well shit.
“Well I heard a girl in your office,” I said, defending myself. He turned to face me then.
“And you automatically assumed I was what? Cheating?” He looked upset. I was supposed to be the one angry. “You don’t even trust me huh? Still,” he shook his head.
When he put it like that he made it sound bad.
“It’s not like that-“
“What’s it like? You came running, so that’s what you thought.”
“Well...” I started. “Normally I wouldn’t be scared but look at me,” i gestured at myself. “I don’t look tight and right at the moment. And don't eve play me like you didn't just hire a girl you used to sleep with and not tell your wife about it.”
“You’re insane Randi. You’ve lost your mind. I ain’t even gon fight you cause you carrying my kid.”
I got frustrated and was fighting the urge to break into tears so i just glared out the window for the ride home.
#chris brown#Jhene Aiko#chris brown fanfic#chris brown ff#jhene chilombo#jhene efuru#jhene aiko fanfic#jhene aiko ff#fanfiction#fandom#fanfic#fanfic update#j cole#j cole fanfic
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kin (hal, canon call)
*a wild and hella long canon call appears. sorry not sorry.*
what up, im hal, im a kin, and i never f******g asked your opinion karen
anyway sup im hal strider and im looking for roxy and sawtooth. you don't even have to be *my* roxy, you're all absolute angels. as for sawtooth im not delusional enough to assume i'll find you. i've done the math and searched the tags; the probability is lower than tana mongeau and bella thorne's iq's put together and divided by three. that said im still going to try because the numbers can go to hell and i miss you. even if youre not *my* sawtooth im willing to talk.
i’ll talk to pretty much anyone from my timeline (sawtooth, roxy, jane, jake, dirk, bro, the makaras, cal, etc) but im most concerned with finding those two. even if you're not from my timeline im willing to talk to you and potentially make new friends i guess.
rox and i were hella close. best friends. ride or die, bonnie and clyde without the strings, we knew everything about each other, got drunk together, she did my nails once and she was a freakin bamf who could run in seven inch heels and could probably kill you with just a paperclip and some gum if she wanted to. she slapped me and i said thank you in true mean girls reference form. i really miss you rox, i dunno what happened or what went wrong but please come back so we can talk it out. i need my b-triple-f-e back
like i said earlier i know im probably never going to find him, even finding a sawtooth from a different timeline has odds lower than challenger deep (yes i know that probably doesn't make sense to most of you. look it up. get yourself some geographical education nerds.)
he was involved in some hella shady stuff and fought dirtier than san franciscos streets. tall dude, we’re talking the empire state building of human beings here. sawtooth was his street name and he could put the fear of god in an atheist just for funsies if he felt like it (except me. obviously. then again im not an atheist so theres that.) i threw one of my tools at your head once. im still not sorry, you deserved it at the time and you damn well know it. and i totally missed on purpose and not because you scared the hell out of me so dont even go there. message me if you see this i miss you and we have some serious shit to talk about. like what the hell happened on *that* day. you know which one.
and now we’ll talk about me because i guess it’s probably helpful to know about me if you’re looking for me and don’t want the wrong me, you feel me?
i had strawberry blond hair; i didnt bleach it often and it was kinda fluffy i guess. i had snakebites and a bunch of other piercings but those weren’t as visible or noticeable. yes i had the pointy anime shades but i didnt wear them all the time. I’ve been told i had a very passive aggressive and sarcastic sense of humor and way of talking, sometimes more aggressive than passive. if i didn’t own at least five hoodies or a multitude of t-shirts with offensive, ironic, or at least sarcastic phrases and pictures on them then im not your hal. sorry.
*special note/disclaimer: i am specifically mentioning the makaras and cal for a reason. there's a lot of complicated shit to go through there but the basics are i made some pretty poor choices in friends and it ended... horribly to say the least. that said im desperate to find anyone and still trying to gain and sort through memories so im willing to talk to you anyway.
anyway. this sound like you or someone you know? reblog, like, share, head to or message me on discord if thats your thing. link in the description below, smash that like and subscribe button like you’re a super bro and join the help-hal-find-his-people squad and the i-stan-memes fam
discord: nerd#8684 (pfp changes a lot but its usually homestuck related. or a frog. yes im serious)
#hal strider kin#canon call#kin#roxy lalonde kin#sawtooth kin#homestuck#homestuck kin#homestuck canon call#lil hal kin#human hal kin#hal strider#homestuck hal strider#roxy lalonde#hs kin
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Hhhh bunni legs pain accomplishment day
I HAVE FINISHED THE SHOPPING OF HELL
Tfw u only get paid 4 days before christmas and have to rush everything aaaa
It was bad enough today so i'm so glad i got it done before it got even more busy!
Misc boring essentials i bought for myself: new phone charger cos broken, new trousers cos i spilt hair bleach on my only two pairs, new shoes cos my left shoe literally snapped in half down the middle like wtf even happened there, cheap pink hair dye from a discount store cos i wanna try different colours but in a thrifty way
Now for EXCITING CHRISTMAS PRESENT TIME!!!!
First off SO MANY pc and xbox 360 games from Every Charity Shop In Cardiff, St Mellons, Rumney and Llanrumney. My sis has been trying to find some games to play but was like 'dont worry about it i can just wait til the charity shop gets something good'. So i thought i'd get some stocking stuffers via all the charity shops on my side of town. By our powers combined we will blitz the entire vale of glamorgan's discount gaming scene!!! I found SO MANY good stuff for £1/£2/£3 like holy shit i love when charity shops dont know the proper price for shit XD
speaking of which i also found a WEBCAM for £2! If its that cheap it probanly isnt great but itd still be fun to play around with! :D and the same store also had an old vintage G1 My Little Pony coffee mug in excellent condition. Oh god the nostalgia! My support worker gave me a lift to llanrumney so i had to awkwardly explain why i had an armful of weird 80s mugs and big teary eyes!
Speaking of vintage, i found this new vintage toys and games shop in cardiff called Galactic Attic! The name hooked me in and then they actually DID have pokemon inside! As well as all sorts of stuff ranging from 40s to 90s, wow! There was even a lil pile of old 90s gaming magazines in the corner, covered up by a bunch of boxes. I'm glad i noticed them! I got the announcemt issues for pokemon diamond pearl and platinum in a weird old pokemon fan magazine that i loved as a kid. Im kinda sad that nowadays we just have one official magazine fpr each console and not the wild madness of amateaur journalists failing horribly to get news from japan. Shame they didnt have Beckett Pokemon cos that one was infamous fot drawing its own terrible interpretations of pokemon sprites to avoid copyright. And speaking of terrible, they even had bootleg pokemon!! I talked to the cashier and he was like "you know those are fake right" and i was like "yeah its so nostalgic thats why i want em" and he was like "lol yeah they actually sell pretty well so i'm not mad my supplier ripped me off". It was a pretty good and awesomely terrible fake at the same time? There was this exact replica of some japanese display stand for the product and then the actual pokeball toys looked perfect BUT the mini pokemon inside were.. Really not. I am so damn happy with the surprise inside my one, surprise inside has never been more accurate! I can't take a picture now cos my phone is charging but REGICHEETO. Just..just imagine that, and whatever you're imagining it is probably worse. I love it so fuckin much. Also less hilariously there were some bootleg mini pika plushies with actually (as far as i can tell) their own unique design? They have cute lil winter scarves and an art style that reminds me of the Magical Pokemon Adventure manga. A really cute and good bootleg that i would have loved to see as a real product! The only way you can even tell its a bootleg is because there's no marking on the tail. I dunno, maybe if i still have some brown fabric in the cupboard i could fix it? Or maybe its unique tail makes it even more special! I mean there's Cosplay Pikachu with its double tail marking so maybe this is her cousin Accessory Pikachu with no markings? He just likes wearing scarfs and hats and stuff. OMG HE'S THE POKEMON GO EVENT PIKACHU!!!!!!
Along the miscness of finding a few things for myself, i also found: cute lil pokemon pencilcase, kingdom hearts blind bag, cheap copy of Fruits Basket volume 1 cos the new remake is coming out soon and i wanna Get Hype! The KH blind bag was really weird cos i didnt know they now have an entirely different set as well as the keychains i bought before. Its kind of a shame the art style doesnt match cos vexen is only in the keychains, alas! But i do really love these ones! Theyre apparantly made by funko pop but dont have the art style AT ALL, they just look like really accurate versions of the characters in mini form. Its kinda like the 'distance animation' style in steven universe? (Incidentally they also do SU ones but they missed the opportunitu to actually use the distance style, lol) I got a Sora in his kh2 outfit and i'm decently happy with that, its not one i really wanted but its not a bad one either. But i think now i've tried the fun of surprise once i'll just buy the actual ones i want off ebay later. They have roxas in his organization outfit! With a happy smile!!!
Oh oh and then EVEN MORE XBOX GAMES OF THE WILD THRIFT STORE VOID! i managed to find the whole fable series, two assassins creeds, saints row, gta, some misc shooter games and racers that she wanted but i dont know much about, mass effect 2 and ff13. I think maybe one or two others cos i cant fully remember right now. Theyre all in separate bags strewn across the room and my shoulders feel like death so i'll sort through them later.
Aaaand i wrote up like 14 paragraphs more but tumblr didnt save my draft fpr some fuckin reason and now im way too tired to do it again
Briefer summary:
* had a huge horrible panic attack getting stuck in a skyscraper shopping centre clothes place full of screaming and every perfume smell and WHY DO I HAVE TO NAVIGATE THIS HELL MAZE TO FIND THE ESCALATOR and seriously i was my most primal animalistic self and i went full fight or flight on this bitch
* had a lovely time visiting Cool Shop Grandma and rambled the story of how i met her and how we became friends but hhh too tired to rewrite. But anyway today i gave her a christmas pikachu plush as thanks for everything and cos her shop is moving on to its next location soon. She got really teary and gave me a big hug! She's gonna be at a comic con in march so i hope i'm able to go to that and see her again.
* went on a wild goose chase looking for harry potter merchandise and eventually found a gold plated replica of the movie prop version of the time turner and HELL YES my sis will love it!
* rambled about several market stalls that were cool but i can make a separate post about that in the morning when i find their contact details to advertise them
* got a plushie delibird and decided to take selfies with it everywhere to try and fight my social anxiety somehow. We went to a neat lil restaurant and had cheesy fries and a coke float!
* asked for a refund on an item for the first time ever and im proud of myself
* went off on a mystery bus trip to buy a preowned 3ds and pokemon games from a lady in an online preowned stuff facebook group and it didnt go horribly and i am glad! She was really nice and i witnessed A Good And Smart Parenting Moment and man it healed my heart and i wish i'd been raised that way. Again i'll probably ramble about the details later when im less tired, it really touched my heart seriously! And now i have MANY GIFTS FOR SIS!
* in total i was out present shopping from 9am to 8pm and i clicked my shoulder out of its socket for a split second from.all the heavy bags. Now im in a lot of aches and i need a sleeps
The End
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00:53 21/06/2021
Hello again <3
so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.
i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.
so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.
i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.
so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.
anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.
i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.
i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.
god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.
20:21 30/06/2021
MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V
MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY
so
23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.
um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.
my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.
so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.
the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!
#why does tumblr break up the paragraphs like this#there isnt supposed to be paragraphs#maybe i should change that#anyway off to fix all my post so far and tag the all like ->#june 2021 entry#2021 the year of fun
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Hey so I was wondering if I could have someone who has had experience with top surgery explain the hardest part about before or after? I'm considering it but I've never gone to surgery before and it's a bit intimidating. I've looked at the potential health concerns, like side effects of anesthesia and infection, but I'd like to hear it from someone who's gone through the process and what it was like afterward.
theres really not much to it. if you can give me specifics on what youre worried abt or wondering i can answer that
i went in and waited in a lobby and then was called in. i went into this bay area that had a bunch of hospital beds separated with curtains. they gave me a plastic bag with a gown and socks and hairnet and i went into the bathroom and changes and put my normal clothes in the bag for later. try to tie the ties well because my back one undid and my (underwear-covered thank g-d) ass was hanging out.
then i chilled on the bed till it was time and i walked into the room. they didnt wheel me. oh yeah at some point in between changing and going in they put in an iv but it was either just fluids or nothing hooked up then.
so i walked into the room, the nurse/assistant and i talked about greys anatomy, and i hopped up onto a metal table lol. there were arm rests but she hadnt moved them yet for me to put my arms on them so i just held them up. she put the Sleepy Meds into my iv and i didnt know they would work so fas because i dont remember stopping talking but i must have because next thing i was waking up back in that bed in the bay. i think i could tell time had passed like when you go to sleep and wake up you know times passed it doesnt feel like the same moment.
i guess i had been in and out for about an hour but i had no memory of that. they brought my mom back in after like maybe 10 or 15 minutes. they gave me water from one of those small bottles with a straw. i put a big button down shirt on and my pj pants back on.
i think they wheeled me in a wheelchair out to the car. it was a little hard to get in bc i was worried abt everything. i kept the bottle but they didnt give me the straw but fyi thats a good combo i drank like that for the week. i put a pillow between my chest and the seatbelt.
the only bad parts were that i was really rally itchy. i didnt realize you could be allergic to codeine and have that manifest as super intense horrible itching so i thought it was just normal itching. nope i was allergic. pro tip read the surgery packet well that was the one thing i missed and it was the first thing on page 1 lol.
after that things were a lot better. the binder wrap thing ended up digging into my back and armpits really rly bad and even making me bleed so we got gauze and padded it. backscratchers down the back are a life saver.
yeah the whole time i was on a bunch of meds, the codeine, tylenol, benadryl, and eventually claritin. each time i stopped a medication i thought my headspace was normal again but it wasnt until i was off everything. bc of the codeine i was up itching non stop like in the middle of the night and stuff. that was the worst part it was so bad. it went away within a couple days after stopping though once we talked to my surgeon.
i didnt have drains and that made it a lot easier and less painful i think.
oh yeah the other worst part was once i got the binder off and had to do my nipples, which i did like an hour before we were meant to leave for the airport. apparently im not good with that stuff because i vomited and passed out (fainted? the difference?) and that kept happening so my mom had to do that for a while for me.
in terms of pain and like, your body just got cut up and sewn back together, it was rly pretty fine for me. everything that sucked was just medicine side effects and being stuck in a binder for a week and having limited mobility. the twinges when you start getting feeling back kill but those are short and i cant remember if they started before or after i went home.
but yeah lmk what more youre interested in bc this probably wasnt it haha but this is what i wanted to know going in
-emma
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