#and it mostly is me venting
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Some of you may remember that time I posted Yxala on reddit, and I got some incel of sorts getting extremely worked up at me because she has a bit of a belly, and he found the concept completely impossible to believe. Because well, that's what happens when you mostly watch anime girls and play league of legends, I guess. Conversation in the left, right is the character in question.
I blocked the guy, he saltily edited the message after that because he couldn't keep illuminating my itty bitty AFAB brain with his Truth, I guess.
Now, here's the fun part: The other day, Reddit updated for me and now I can see message requests- Those messages that stay on a different folder until you approve of them. And it turns out, this guy had sent me a message with a throwaway account months ago, named "Thin Weight", to keep shedding his truth to me:
I won't even get on how he had to infantilize me to feel superior, but. Wow. Just. What in the actual fuck.
This grown man felt the URGE to make a new account (against reddit's ToS, btw) to bypass a block (also against the ToS) to keep telling me how he knew what Womens Bellies Look Like. Funniest thing? Her bodytype is based on real-life wrestlers.
I'm mostly sharing because I just want to laugh at this clown at this point, because you just can't make these up
#vent#reddit#i keep thinking these people are mostly an exaggeration and then they arrive and prove me wrong. fun
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WOW.
I've been bed ridden sick for 2 days now and i have a test I haven't been able to study for tomorrow. And I also get my wisdom teeth taken out the day after. AND I also may have an exam on that day as well. I'm going to cry now 👍
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me: avpd is something i’ll have forever. even if i learn how to manage it and accommodate it, it’ll always be part of the way my brain works and i’ll always have to deal with certain challenges that come with that. i have no interest in trying to reach “complete recovery” because that would require fundamentally changing my brain, and i would rather stay myself and learn how to live a good life with the brain i have.
my avoidance: starts becoming more prominent again after a period of time where it was easier to live with, resulting in the return of a lot of feelings i’d gotten used to not feeling so strongly, because having an easier time for a while doesn’t mean my lifelong neurodivergence has just disappeared.
me:
#i’ve been mostly dealing with more passive/less emotional avoidance lately#so those big feelings starting to come back? terrifying terrifying go away#yes avpd will be a lifelong struggle for me. yes i know and accept that. yes i am screaming crying clawing at the bars of my enclosure rn#i can understand my reality and still want to fight god for making it my reality sometimes#poss.speaks#personal#vent#avpd#actually avpd#actually avoidant#avoidant pd#avoidant personality disorder#cluster c
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I know it’s haha heehee funny to blame every little thing that happens in a show on the creator in the same vein people would say it about obama or todd howard. People did it for Pen Ward for Adventure Time (even longggggg after Pen was no longer directing the show), they did it with Rebecca Sugar for Steven Universe, and now they’re doing it with Dana for Owl House. It’s nothing new and yet, the closer I get to joining the animation industry, the more heartbreaking it becomes.
Someone drew those backgrounds. Someone else designed those props. Several people did these storyboards and several others wrote this script. These people have NAMES and IDEAS and deserve recognition too! Making an animation is a team effort. Sometimes your favorite thing about a show comes from the mind of a lesser known crew member you haven’t heard about, and the creator had nothing to do with it.
#aurgh#this is mostly just me venting its not really a call to action or anything#can you tell i was just at lightbox this weekend hdhshf#idk it’s different when you can MEET the people that helped make the show happen#it’s different when someday it’ll be YOU
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The process is a bitch and I want to fight it
#had the urge to just#delete everything and vanish without a word#because I’m once again in a bad slump but I know feeling better isn’t a linear thing!!#just fucking sucks man#yknow?#I’m fine I’m fed housed watered and loved#for anyone worried#because I know I say some concerning stuff#mostly just venting because I need to yell and sorting out what’s going on in my brain is hard sometimes!!#there is a cat purring on my stomach and another cat between my legs#the other Q is rambling about a hoi 4 game he played with a friend#things are well#so why the FUCK isn’t my brain cooperating with me you dumb clump of hamburger#stop that#I hope everyone is doing well#I need to get to sleep
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like a regular bin, not even recycled or anything
#poll#okay so uh#dont read the tags ahead unless you care about my little vent#my mom got me a hoodie in December from shein#even tho i had two very similar hoodies already both from better brands#still fast fashion but not as fast#and one of them was modded by me#but the hoodie was fucking soft and comfy and good length so it quickly became my favourite hoodie#according to my mother tho after a month she started complaining that it's ugly.#it had those little balls idk what they're called but#1 i don't fucking care#2 they're removable#so anyway fot the past week or two shes been complaining every time i wore the hoodie and today she screamed at me and threw it in the trash#she also kicked me but thats unrelated#and like even if she bought me a new identical one that wouldn't help at all cause she still threw my stuff in the trasg#and bought from a company that goes against my values#and she keeps excusing it like “its cheaper”#im sorry but buying one good thing and wearing it too death is cheaper than buying a hundred things you throw away after less than 3 months#so fucking sick of this!!!!!!!!#i have more than enough clothes too and am currently trying to get rid of some#BUT NOT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK#btw my vinted is dupiarz it's mostly stuff from 2017-2020 so not really trendy but maybe youd like something#the pnly clothing i dont bother repairing and just throw out is underwear#but i do fix socks because good socks are good socks
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The only shitty thing about being a self-shipper in some fandoms is when you want to connect with people who are in that same fandom as you and share your love of the characters you ship with, whether with fanfics you wrote or art you drew/commissioned, but having this gut feeling that you just KNOW that people are going to laugh at your or call you gross or whatever, and it sucks. You basically have to tread so lightly and tiptoe around glass with how you talk positively about certain characters because otherwise people will bully you for it in any way they can and almost force you to isolate yourself from the majority of the fandom, if not completely ruin your love for that source- and that shouldn't happen, but it does.
Whether just for fun or actually serious about it, LET PEOPLE SELF-SHIP. So long as they're not hurting or offending anyone, the character and person shipping themselves with them are both adults, and are happy with how they live and express themselves, it shouldn't be an issue. Who fucking cares if people call it "cringe" or "stupid" or whatever words they come up with? It's something we love, and characters we love, and us self-shippers deserve to be able to feel safe and accepted in the sources we love without worrying about being insulted by it. Let us love what we love- we're not stopping you from enjoying your fandoms, so don't do it to us.
--
(PRO-SHIP/ANTI-SHIP/COM-SHIP DNI IN ANY WAY, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU.)
#self ship#self shipper#self shipping#self ship community#self shipping community#self ship vent#self ship vent post#romantic f/o#self ship support#self ship support post#selfship#selfshipper#selfshipping#sorry if this is long#it mostly came about from a couple of facebook groups I'm in#some people are posting self ship art and people are bullying them and laughing at them#for no god damn reason#and it makes me so mad#people are so fucking rude
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i had a bad binge today. anyone have any good fanfic recs?? i need some triggering content rn lmao
#actually begging rn#@nor3×14#@na vent#me@nsp0#pro for me not for thee#@tw edd#tw ana rant#tw ed but not sheeran#tw ed sheeran#sw33tsp0#@ana#ana bullshit#fandom doesnt rlly matter tbh#but im mostly in emo bandoms and like superwholock#plus nbc hannibal :pp
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An aromantic autistic reading of Joker Out's "Bluza"/"the Blouse"
I have a few words about Bluza. The Blouse.
When I first heard the title, I felt a connection to this song yet in a very tongue-in-cheek way. Because I read the working title was a nod to the white holed sweater blouse (the slut shirt) Bojan forgot at Jere’s place last autumn. But then thanks to JokerOutSubs I realized that this song really speaks to me in another way.
Disclaimer: I am speaking about this from an autistic aroace point of view and as a person who has masked most their lives and doesn’t drink. I hope to explain why this matters in the post below.
The lines that especially spoke to me are these:
Ja ko pijana budala
Ali čaše nisam popio
Jamislim da sam se zaljubio u tebe
I’m acting like a drunk idiot
But I haven’t had a single glass
I think I’ve fallen in love with you
As a person who has spend most my life being critical about what to say, do, and how I show of myself to people I see the drunkenness described here not as literal but as a form of unmasking. When you find that one person you feel so comfortable around that you know that they won’t leave you or care if you stop being presentable in the eyes of society.
The result is that you may seem drunk and out of character when you are close to them. Drunk as in unlike yourself but also much more yourself. You dare to be authentic and to be silly and vulnerable because this person next to you gets you. No alcohol you could consume would fill you with as much giddiness as being with this person does. There is something about this one person that just speaks to you and let you know that you are safe.
While not having been drunk myself this is what I expect is the feeling most drunk people are searching for: the experience of not caring about what other people might think about them anymore. They just exist outside time and space in a bubble of bliss.
The person in the song is that for Bojan. His bubble of bliss – his safe space.
I’ve been lucky enough to have people like that too for small periods of time. And just like the next line I have felt very strongly connected to the person in those moments thinking “is this was love feels like?”. And here I don’t necessarily mean romantic attraction/love. I mean love as in a deeper, more profound level. The love that is outside of bodily desire. It is two spirits – two beings finding a home in the other person. A home where you can be giddy and drunk without having touch a single drink.
It is no secret that I love the idea of queer platonic love. When I read this, I read it as queer platonic. I read it as beautifully strange, brotherly, romantic, and platonic all at once.
The chorus kind of develops this feeling and adds and aromantic layer to it:
Baš ja
Koji nisam verovao
Da za nekim biću lud
Yes, me who didn’t believe
I would be crazy about someone
I read this as a very much an aspec experience.
You may have gone most of your life feeling othered for not experiencing those feelings of romantic attraction the world around you constantly tell you that you should.
Then this person comes along. This person that is your haven, that you can fool around with and open up around. There’s something that seems different, seems honest and so it brings you that feeling of bliss I mentioned earlier. That feeling the world around you have tried to tell you exists for years, yet you never believed would happen to you.
You may have believed yourself to be broken or maybe the world around you too much for seemingly being crazy about love. But now in this moment of bliss, drunk without having drunk, you get it. You want to be with this person, do all the silly things the media tells you are romantic. Not because you are forced to but because it would mean spending more time with your person. And every little second you can spend with your person feels like a blessing.
That is my take on the song at least. Thank you for reading.
#my first try making an analysis that I can remember so please be kind#I just couldn't stop thinking about it#almost cried when I read the lyrics#and this may just be a sappy song idk but it spoke to me this way#so I offer you my aro and ausitic reading of it it here#thank you to jokeroutsubs for the quick translation that gave me the chance to babble about this song#I feel so honored having been in the crowd that heard it the first time live :'3#I really adore sta bih ja too but mostly for how catchy it is#it is pretty as well when you know the lyrics#but this prechorus chorus just spoke to my aching queer platonic aro heart#okay I am done venting now#joker out#bluza#the blouse#mine#micahs thoughts
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Kinda hurts a little when you've spent years creating a specific character in a specific universe for hardly anyone to see them, only for someone else to do the exact same concepts and get applauded for it. Did I just do it that badly or something
I remember when I first made all of my OCs supernatural in early 2022. I was one of the first people in [redacted] fandom who made it canon and talked openly about how my OC were vampires. And I got harassed for it endlessly. People were in my asks and dms telling me it was cringe and overpowered and lame, and that I was dumb to think anyone would care. Regardless of all of that, I kept them around and didn't stop talking about them. And then everyone else caught on and also made supernatural OCs because I helped to normalize it. Which isn't the problem, make as many supernatural OCs as you like, I'm not telling people to stop. That's not what bothers me (I have to add that disclaimer bc someone will undoubtedly try to get offended).
I think what upsets me is that it feels like I talk into a void sometimes and it sometimes feels like I don't have a place to share the things I'm proud of. I have an entire world that I made and this intertwined network of 10+ original characters and I just don't know where to talk about them or how to talk about them. I know we're "supposed to create for ourselves" and to "share it for good reasons", but it's really hard to put myself in that mindset. I don't do it for clout and I never will, I love my characters too much for that. Maybe I've just been doing a bad job of sharing anything about my world and characters, that is highly likely. I just can't help but remember the times I did share things and they went completely unnoticed
Just a little bit of acknowledgement would be nice. I think I'd be happy with that. Just a little bit of acknowledgement for the way I've had to fight to have my supernatural OCs exist in a cyberpunk setting in a hostile fandom. Just a little acknowledgement of the months of effort I put into my characters. And that would be all. Or maybe I'll learn how to just ignore everything and just keep doing as I have been. Putting my head and continuing on, savoring those small bits of genuine friendly interest when they come my way. That's good too
#let me make it clear that i am not begging for sympathy or notes#do not get that twisted#this is just a vent. me venting mostly to myself about my feelings on something. please don't take this as some sort of concrete truth#i'm expressing my own very conflicted emotions towards my experiences in this fandom and how i've had to fight just to be accepted#many people really did not want to accept that i created vampires in a cyberpunk setting#i am just very conflicted and anxious surrounding the whole thing. i don't know how to proceed#i just know for certain that i don't want to do it by myself and alone anymore#katsi.txt
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#my art#Apple's emotions#inside out#visual snow syndrome#vent art? mostly this was just me trying to express what it feels like having VSS and slapping 20+ layers of static on top of everything#my eyes are a bad-quality tv from the 60s and I'm crying to see all the 4k graphics around me clearly#wouldn't have it any other way but boy howdy sometimes I wish I could scrub my eyeballs with soap
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"Venti stans are low key annoying complaining about Venti not being the main focus of the Windblume festival."
First off we do not care. Second off ok???? Literally every character stan complains about their fave not getting enough screen time hop off.
It isn't even about screen time for me. It's about the fact that Venti hasn't truly felt like Venti in several updates. The last time he truly felt like himself was during Weinlesefest but even then he still didn't feel like the Venti we met all the way back during the first archon quest. And I don't wanna hear "hE hAd cHaRaCtEr dEvLoPmEnT." Cause no that isn't what happened, he regressed as a character. He's becoming fanon Venti in game. He gets used for alcohol jokes and Paimon calls him lazy then he dips. 🙄
"He was just in the Lantern Rite.." Shut Up. Shut Up. Shut all the fucking way up! He was terrible in LR and honestly if you cut Venti out of LR you basically have the same event. He did literally nothing of substance and he shouldn't have been there at all.
The first Windblume festival centered around Venti and showed us more of Venti being Mondstadt's archon. The second Windblume festival has barely anything to do with him. Excuse us if we're fucking disappointed, we have every right to be. Like I said literally every character's stans complain about them not getting enough screen time. Yeah sure if every Mondstadt event centered Venti it'd get old but the biggest problem is they decided to center a MONDSTADT EVENT around fucking SUMERU CHARACTERS. Fucking Collei gets more screen time than any Mondstadt character. Which wouldn't be a problem but this is a main Mondstadt event. Even though Venti was in LR 3 he wasn't a main focus he was a background character to the rest of the cast. Which is what Collei should've been cut out Tighnari and Cyno.
Mondstadt has so many underutilized characters and their screen time got spliced for the Sumeru fuckers who already have too much screen time. The entire last five updates have had Cyno in almost everything and Tighnari as well and while Collei has less screen time than them she has yet to be under used. If this was about Collei meeting up with Amber again they could've had that in a different event. If this was about Collei facing her anxiety it could've happened in a different event. They should've just had Sucrose helping Mondstadters cause guess what? You think this is going to be the last time a nation's event gets characters bombarding in? Hell no Fontaine is coming soon we're one hundred percent going to get nation festivals with random characters that have nothing to do with anything probably until the end of the game.
We'll see how happy ya'll are when your fave gets less screen time for some randos that have nothing to do with the nation you care about.
#venti#windblume breath#windblume festival 3.5#tw vent#idc if this sounds entitled#like what're you going to do about that#like we literally just got Mika introduced and he has less screen time than the sumeru cast so far#we have fucking Noelle and oh shocker I didn't see my baby Diona anywhere looks like they forgot about her again!#this is a main Mondstadt event you can't slap the title Windblume festival on it then have it mostly center randos from other nations#even if Venti wasn't the focus Collei should've had less screen time#She has plenty of time to get over her damn anxiety in another event this shouldn't have been so about her#genshin impact#come at me fuckers#i said what i said#i said what needed to be said#And I'm not taking it back#And yes I am saying all of this while having enjoyed Cyno's appearance but I am still disappointed and I have the right to that
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short agere fic, regressed tails and big brother sonic. after a scary fight against eggman, tails is struggling to cope
this is the first time ive written in a while and also its like 4am please be nice
The workshop's quiet. The only thing that Sonic can hear is his own breathing, the occasional rustle of paper as he turns a page of the book he's reading. He's laid out on Tails’ couch, ignoring the shaking of his hands as he comes down from the adrenalin high.
The last fight against Eggman had been… rough. Too many close calls. They'd won, he and Tails, of course they did, but it had taken a lot out of both of them.
He hears the floorboards creak behind him, and he cranes his neck to see Tails standing at the base of the stairs - he must have finished with his shower. He seems smaller somehow, ears drooping down, shoulders hunched.Sonic smiles at him, gently, but before he can even open his mouth to ask if he's okay, Tails rushes towards him.
He suddenly has a lap full of fox, and he groans dramatically as Tails wiggles his way under Sonic’s arms, knocking his book away.
"Well, hey there, big guy," he greets, ignoring the way Tails' knee seems to be digging directly into his ribs in order to set the book down and properly wrap his arms around Tails. "What's up?"
Tails doesn't answer, just tucks his head under Sonic's chin, hiding his face. His tails wrap around his body as if he's trying to hide.
“Oh, buddy…” Sonic sighs, sitting up enough that he can lean against the arm rest, still holding Tails. “It's okay. Its all over now. We're both safe.”
Tails shudders. Sonic can feel him sniffle against his neck.
Sonic grabs the throw blanket thats draped on the back of the couch, tugging it down. It falls on both of them, and, making sure to not let go of Tails, wraps it around them both. Tails makes a small noise, but some of the tension leaves his shoulders, relaxing into Sonic's hold. He sniffs again, and Sonic sighs, dropping his cheek to rest against the top of Tails' head.
“Were you worried? About Eggman?”
A small nod.
“That's okay. It was a really scary fight. But its over now, and he's not gonna come back for a while. We did a good job at stopping him.”
Tails doesn't answer, but reaches out slowly, brushing his fingers across the cover of the book Sonic was reading. Sonic's confused for a second, but guesses - “do you want to read it?”
Tails nods again, before ducking his face back into Sonic's neck.
Sonic laughs quietly, grabbing the book and opening it. “I guess I'll read it out loud then? I'm kinda in the middle of it, but I'm pretty sure you've read this one before so that's okay.”
He reads, slow and steady, like he used to do for Tails back when they first met years ago. With each chapter, he can feel Tails relax more and more, until finally Sonic can hear soft little snores. He puts the book down, combing his fingers through Tails’ hair.
He's not sure why Tails gets like this, sometimes. It's like the kit just gets… smaller. It reminds Sonic of when they first met, when Tails was barely more than a toddler, and looked around as if the world was a thousand times bigger than him.
Sonic doesn't understand why, but it doesn't matter. Tails always eventually bounces back, and for now, Sonic is content to rock him back and forth as he sleeps.
#agere#age regression#agere fandom#sonic#tails#agere sonic#sonic agere#sfw agere#mews#🖍#📝#i might edit this later idk#this is mostly a vent/comfort fic for me#the first half is really rough sorry#sth#sonic the hedgehog#🦔
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idkidk it’s hard for me to sufficiently emphasise just how deeply plagiarism has affected me and the way I post. I think for anyone who has dealt with plagiarism or had their ideas lifted, there is a bit of a bruise that never really goes away? it can totally sap the joy out of not only writing but engaging in the community—having similar concepts is not a crime and can be a great way to connect with others. now it just makes me extremely wary and stirs up a lot of unpleasant feelings. I know it’s nice to have two cakes and you’ll all eat it happily but if the other person has used the exact same recipe I’m going to feel a bit shit. hell the other person might feel shit about it too idk 💀 this is poorly articulated ksksks
#obviously it’s clear when it’s actual plagiarism#but some people do and will still use ‘coincidence’ to excuse it#it makes you feel like you’re insane for even considering it#it isn’t that I have no confidence in my writing. I know my writing will be different. I know my cake tastes brilliant on its own#and of course it’s not always nicked. but the fact that the other cake is there at all is going to bother me for eternity#I guess I’m kinda like a hit dog except with fanfic LMAO#btw I’m talking very specific similarities. you and another person both doing the ‘shared a bed’ trope is not what I’m talking about#turning reblogs off because this is mostly a vent and not worded right and I’m sure someone will try come for my neck anyway#please don’t wilfully misunderstand what I’m saying#I know what plagiarism is believe me. as mentioned I am speaking on my own personal and specific experience#however you feel about it and how you handle it is valid and fine
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*breathes in*
#Delete later??#Just venting lol#The bad Sparrow takes on this one are starting to be a lot ngl#Also the bad animal welfare takes?? Trying to hold myself back on that front cause that's not the kind of thing I wanna-#-argue with online strangers about. But like yikes is all.#Regarding Sparrow you will be hearing from me later. But mm not just yet- gotta cool down.#And arguing with the fandom again isn't how I planned to spend my day so I will be finishing S4 of tma like my heart desires#Debating on logging off? Mostly cause I don't want to unfollow certain people too impulsively. Mutuals that is.#Not really trying to throw shade with this either so sorry if it feels that way but ehh I'm grumpy ahaha#Always caught between “love the fandom it's so fun” and “fandom is genuinely ruining the podcast for me” smh#Anyhooooo#*breathes out*#Ooh I just saw some lightning there is still beauty in the world after all
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social anxiety can be so funny sometimes because i’ll be talking to someone and they’ll go offline for whatever reason and i’m always like ‘oh no did I say too much’ when I said probably one of the most average things i’ve ever said to that person
#me n my irls sharing Way too much and then i’ll go ‘omg that’s so cool’ and worry if i’m too forward#the irony is that I keep forgetting i’m having a conversation and accidentally leave the conversation for like half an hour and come back#way later for another unrelated reason and only then will I remember#i’m a huge hypocrite and I am aware of this#regardless#wren wrambles#social anxiety#does this count as a vent#I don’t think so cause i’m mostly just laughing at myself here HKFHD#this is queued btw#I do have a tag for that but a single q amongst all these tags would probably look accidental so I thought i’d mention it#q#see that looks like I misclicked#anyway
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