What to say to somebody if they have a queer identity you "don't agree with":

Nothing

No, literally. Nothing.

I am looking (disrespectfully) at the trope of Bruce and other family members only seeming to respect Dick’s wishes when doing so aligns with what they already wanted to do.

Let’s go to the examples!

1) Bruce not broaching adoption with Dick because he wants to respect Dick’s first parents and feels like he would be taking their place or overstepping or putting himself in between Dick and his memories of his parents. Sometimes its cited that Dick himself expressed this wish early on after his parents died, sometimes its not and this is still just upheld as Bruce’s reasoning for not adopting Dick before he was already well into adulthood.

THE FATAL FLAW (in mine own personal opinion, natch. Personal mileage may vary, check your speedometer to be safe):

This particular plot point or tangle is in my experience ALWAYS paired with Bruce’s own insecurities about his role in Dick’s life, or not wanting to push that or receive an answer he doesn’t want to or is afraid to hear. Sometimes its about his fears of unworthiness to be Dick’s actual parent, etc, etc. But the bottom line is, there is always the presence of SOME element (and not a small one) in which Bruce’s own self-interest or feelings are protected by him NOT broaching the adoption conversation with Dick and having to confront these fears head on.

This is additionally juxtaposed with the problem that although there’s a lot of variance in regards to stories where Bruce fired Dick versus stories where Dick gave up being Robin and moved on to Nightwing voluntarily....there’s NOT a lot of stories where Dick makes Jason Robin himself or is asked by Bruce first. The part where Bruce takes this initiative on his own, without thinking through its repercussions on Dick emotionally.....this is practically always present.

Now, the problem here is that......Dick became or began becoming Robin well into his time with Bruce. Its frequently cited as the thing that began allowing them to truly connect, their time training and acting as Batman and Robin.

Meaning no matter WHAT interpretation you go with as to why specifically Dick chose the name Robin, whether it was a family nickname or an homage to Robin Hood.....the fact remains, NOTHING of Robin, THEMATICALLY, nothing that spoke to Dick in regards to what he wanted Robin to be - specifically in honor of his parents because avenging his parents and making sure what happened to them didn’t happen to others like, this was literally a key part of what bonded Dick and Bruce, the fact that Bruce was TRYING to help Dick specifically BECAUSE they shared this particular overlap of purpose - like the bottom line is, nothing about Robin CAME from Bruce. Or Dick’s feelings about Bruce. That....didn’t really even exist yet, at the time he created Robin. Everything about Robin, other than the physical costume itself, not even the design just the actual creation of it....all of that came from BEFORE he met Bruce. None of it was thoughts or feelings derived from BRUCE. Its the whole reason Dick was never Batkid or Batlad, or any derivative of Batman.

It all, ALL came from what Dick came to the manor WITH. Remnants of his life with his first family.

So the fatal flaw of Bruce’s reasoning that by not broaching the subject of adoption with Dick before well into adulthood, he was actually just respecting Dick’s relationship with his first parents and not trying to come between them and Dick’s memories and feelings about them....

All of this is inherently undermined by Bruce’s own actions.....when by repurposing Robin to ANY degree, even just to give the mantle to Jason.....this meant that he was inherently viewing Robin as being more about being Batman’s partner, HIS partner....then it was about being Dick’s heritage, his last intangible keepsake of his first family and life BEFORE Bruce.

In effect....Bruce making Jason Robin or firing Dick as Robin, either way....both betray Bruce’s OWN alleged intentions for only wanting to respect Dick’s relationship with his parents, and that being why he didn’t want to overstep by trying to impose or even ask for his own official parent/child relationship with Dick. Because that’s exactly what appropriating the Robin mantle was. It was Bruce ignoring the relationship Dick had with his parents and their memory and the fact that Robin was directly born of that....and making Robin entirely about Bruce’s OWN relationship with Dick, heedless of any other factors.

And the second Bruce did that.....his entire justification for not raising the adoption issue....disappears. It goes away. Because you can’t claim inaction being just a result of not wanting to disrespect something you’ve already voided respect for. No matter whether Bruce INTENDED it or not.....by crossing this boundary, Bruce already acted against Dick’s feelings in this regard and well, disregarded them....which makes claims of Bruce not raising the adoption issue pretty much JUST self-serving at that point. Its an alleged viewpoint of Dick’s that Bruce largely just ASSUMES....and only ultimately respects - in direct contrast to how he didn’t respect the associations Dick had with Robin - because it aligns with something Bruce ALREADY wanted to do, rather than what Dick actually wanted. It provided justification for Bruce to just....not have a conversation he was afraid to have. And that’s about Bruce at that point. Its not about Dick. Its just like...not.

2) Another example of this that is not unique to just Bruce, but recurs frequently in both canon and fanfics in Dick’s dynamics with other characters he’s close with.....is characters not apologizing for things they’ve done to Dick or raising the issue of things they did a long time ago but never apologized for....while claiming to do so because they thought DICK didn’t want to talk about it.

THE FATAL FLAW (in my own personal opinion. Nuances and variations may not be identical at all store locations, please see your local branch for details):

The particular problem I have here is that....Dick never ever ever in the history of ever and also the before ever time.....has EVER expressed a desire to avoid confrontation.

Like. That’s what he DOES. That’s his JAM. That’s literally CITED time and time again as one of the reasons he’s viewed as more of a people person and natural team leader than Bruce and other Batfam members....because he’s not afraid to cut straight (or bi) to the heart of the matter and air out a dispute.

In fact, this very character trait is one of the ones most commonly utilized AGAINST Dick in various depictions of him, as he’s often cited as TOO confrontational, TOO eager for a fight or conflict especially when his temper is engaged, such as when he’s well....personally hurt or offended.

So how does it follow, then, that avoiding tough conversations ONLY when its on the OTHER person to INITIATE, because they were the ones who DID the wrong-doing and Dick the subject of that rather than the instigator....how does it work, exactly, that these are the only times in which we DON’T tend to see a direct conversation about the harms done and the fallout that resulted? With it being claimed that this is solely for Dick’s benefit, out of a desire to avoid pulling him into an allegedly unnecessary (but really just unpleasant) confrontation?

When the concurrent reality is that whether stated or acknowledged or not.....avoiding these specific conversations and ONLY these conversations (as there never seems to be a problem finding canon or fanfic stories in which Dick apologizes for harm HE’S caused to others or is clearly expected to).....this avoidance also carries the side benefit of allowing the character who DID something wrong to Dick to....not ever have to have that super uncomfortable conversation in which they actually verbally acknowledge the thing they did to him and the effects it had on him, and apologize for that.....and then render themselves vulnerable to actually hearing whether or not he accepts their apology or is still upset with them regardless.

While - as long as they DON’T ever have this conversation, for whatever reason - they can look to the clear and consistent precedent of Dick continuing to work with people who have done things like oh, I don’t know....punched him in the face cuz they’re mad at him (and this isn’t a Bruce critical point, this is a whole damn family critical point as the only one who HASN’T actually done this is Duke. Well, Cass technically just threw him out a window, but I mean, tomato toh-mah-to). Writers and characters both can lean on the fact that actually Dick has a pretty clear track record of ultimately giving up a grudge or at least showing a willingness to look past those grudges enough that it doesn’t prevent him from still maintaining or resuming some kind of relationship with the person who hurt him.

And thus, like Example Numero Uno......this ultimately just lets other characters off the hook while claiming to do Dick a favor, but actually Dick receives no real benefit from it and instead now just has another instance of characters saying “see we respect your wishes” when ultimately their inaction is MORE in service to their own wishes and self-interests.

2b) See also the variation of this in which characters such as Bruce, Jason, Tim and assorted others like....are written specifically determining that they’re not going to apologize to Dick or beg his forgiveness because they feel they don’t DESERVE to be forgiven, and once again....its in HIS best interests that they not even give him the opportunity to say he forgives them....because they know Dick Grayson of course, and they know he’s too forgiving for his own good, so its better to like....not make it ever a possibility in this particular instance.

With the problem here being like.....Dick can’t and shouldn’t be expected to KNOW that’s their logic? So....all he’s going to actually SEE is loved ones just....not expressing remorse for hurting him or acknowledgment it even happened? Which....hurts?

So......hurting your loved one MORE after already hurting them....because you don’t feel you deserve to be forgiven for hurting them in the first place and are actually PROTECTING them from being hurt more when mistakenly forgiving you.....by.....hurting and continuing to hurt them with your silence and lack of evident remorse....

Mmmm.....

Its not the best approach, y’know?

Flaws are detected.

3) Dick’s friends and family manipulating situations in order to get the end result THEY desire, while claiming to do so for his benefit only. Dick being willing to manipulate people to achieve his own ends comes up a LOT actually....but there’s relatively little examination of how often people do this to him, claiming his best interests but really just circumventing his clearly stated desires for independence and the right to make his own choices about what HE needs....or when this is brought up, its usually limited to JUST Bruce doing it, but uh....no that ain’t it.

Specific examples of this are like when Wally joins the 1999 version of the Titans specifically to get Dick to join up, because in his estimation Dick needs more of a social life and is drowning himself with his responsibilities....and then quits not long after Dick is finally officially invested in staying with the team. Another example is when Roy gets Dick to join the Outsiders based entirely on his pitch of NOT treating the team like a family, like they did with the Titans, so that Dick could keep emotional distance and not be as worried about losing them like he suffered from losses like Donna....with his claim again being that he worried about Dick in the aftermath of that loss, etc.

And to be clear! Its not that I think Wally and Roy and others who do similar things have NEGATIVE intentions in mind for Dick. That’s the whole point of this post.....like the other examples, I fully believe THEY believe (or writers believe when writing them this way) that they have Dick’s best interests in mind and not their own. I just....disagree.

THE FATAL FLAW (at least as I see it here):

Is that I view this and Batfam members who do similar stuff as like.....falling into the trap of the savior friend complex. Its that thing when you see a friend hurting, and over time get FRUSTRATED by seeing this when a solution seems obvious to you but think they won’t take it because they’re too stubborn or don’t know what’s best for them....with this specifically recurring a LOT with Dick in particular, due to his core characterization of wanting to be the one to make his own choices. The problem here, same as the problem with the savior friend complex....is that it treats the subject of these views as like....incapable of determining what they need. Its a tacit condemnation that they actually don’t know how to cope with things and are doing it wrong - even though the ones making this assessment will never be the ones actually having to LIVE with the outcome of their meddling. Its the conviction that someone like Dick needs to be HANDLED, for his own good....because he can’t be trusted to KNOW what he needs, not as well as them at least.....and so they jump to manipulation rather than just....ASK him what he needs, or HOW they can best support him, or even just WHY he’s making the choices he is.

For instance, the problem with what Wally did was never that Dick wasn’t struggling. He was. He was drowning in his responsibilities, he had very little to no life outside of them.....Wally is not remotely in the wrong for WANTING to do something to change this situation. The problem is Wally basically defaulted to just...HANDLING his friend by restarting the Titans just to give Dick a social life again, which is pretty much a line straight out of the comics...and basically railroaded right over Dick’s initial ‘no’ when he first heard the proposal. And kept pushing things until Dick eventually joined up in order to get Wally to commit to the team too, because Wally spun it as though Dick was helping Wally by getting Wally to commit to the team for the very same reasons Wally wanted Dick to. And then....right after that, Wally quit to go back to just focusing on the Justice League, which was part of what Dick predicted would happen all along.

The thing was.....at no point along the way did Wally actually ask WHY Dick initially said no....he jumped straight to assuming his own view of the problem, that Dick just COULDN’T be made to ever see the reason to take a break occasionally and put his mental and emotional health as a priority. If he’d done this, Wally could have had dozens of other options to achieve his desired end result....he could’ve like....set up regular hangouts with Dick. 

But Wally jumped to assuming he knew the answer, he knew what was best for Dick, and that Dick’s logic was inherently self-destructive and self-flagellating.....and he felt the solution was to bring back the Titans, as he recalled their earlier times as Titans together as a time when Dick was better able to balance his social life and responsibilities.

But by not ever stopping to LISTEN to why Dick felt the way he did and was initially opposed to rejoining the Titans....Wally overlooked one crucial fact: He isn’t Dick.

And more important, his view of the past wasn’t Dick’s view of the past.

Wally was a lot more capable of viewing the Titans as not just a family, but an inherent social life, a hangout, a kind of club....because that’s what it had always been to him.

But he’d never been the leader.

Throughout all their childhoods, the whole time the Titans WERE all of the above, and relatively light-hearted in comparison to their older selves....Dick STILL had the weight of responsibilities that none of the others had by virtue of just...not being the leader. Ultimately, all of their lives were in HIS hands. He was the one calling the shots. The buck stopped with him.

And this is precisely WHY Dick had gotten to the point he had in adulthood. It wasn’t because he’d changed. It wasn’t because he’d stopped figuring out what he needed and how to take care of himself. Its because the position he’d ALWAYS been in as leader....has WEIGHT. That eventually added up more and more and weighed him down. A huge part of the reason Dick had ended up leaving the Titans in the first place, before they disbanded prior to the 1999 revival....is because of the sheer WEIGHT of all the deaths and misfortunes that had befallen the Titans....and how much he and he alone struggled with it in ways the others didn’t....because they didn’t have to. It hadn’t been their plans, their calls, their RESPONSIBILITY to find a way the others could have all made it out alive or at least less traumatized.

So.....of COURSE Dick said no when Wally first proposed restarting the Titans, before Wally defaulted to using his own membership as a lure to get Dick to agree.....because......nothing about the above paragraph had changed, via Wally’s ‘plan.’ It wasn’t because Dick just didn’t KNOW how to be a fully rounded person....it was because nobody was helping him find actual OPTIONS for doing that....that didn’t just double as MORE responsibilities! Because that’s exactly what ended up happening! Dick wound up the leader of the Titans again, just as responsible and just as invested as always.....just like he always knew he would....and also as he knew would happen...Wally ended up quitting not long into it and persuading Jessie Quick to step in as his replacement....aka just one more person for Dick to worry about when it wasn’t like he was going to be worrying any less about Wally, just now he wasn’t going to have Wally there to even POTENTIALLY be able to support him when tragedy inevitably struck because they’re freaking superheroes....and instead he’d just have another person looking to him for the answers but with no reason or chance of being the support Dick could ACTUALLY use at times like that!

Wally’s manipulations circumvented Dick’s opinion that no, actually he knew what was best for him and it wasn’t what Wally was suggesting....without actually accounting for the fact that hey, Dick might actually know that. And in the end, Wally got the result he was after, he got to feel that he’d HELPED his friend....which again, this isn’t WRONG to WANT to....but Dick didn’t...exactly....benefit from this. It wasn’t actually in his best interests ultimately.

I mean...see Donna’s death for details.

And in the aftermath of THAT....Roy essentially did exactly what Wally did....just in REVERSE! Roy got Dick to agree to lead the Outsiders, to shoulder responsibility once again....by promising that Dick WOULDN’T have to view them as family. And did Dick go too far and end up TOO uncaring about their welfare? Yup! No disagreements there! Problem is though....he only ended UP in that situation because yet again a friend thought they KNEW the solution to what Dick needed.....only for Dick to end up essentially punished and further self-blaming....just for doing exactly what Roy had told him TO do, with this particular team. Again - Roy hadn’t EXPECTED Dick to take it this far. But that’s the whole point! Roy had expectations about what Dick would ACTUALLY end up doing, that didn’t match up to the pitch Roy actually gave Dick to GET his agreement.....because Roy all along was of the assumption that by virtue of being Dick Grayson, he wouldn’t be ABLE to avoid connecting with these new teammates and viewing them as family, and thus he’d end up ‘snapping out of it’ with it being the funk he’d been in since Donna’s death.

Roy’s intentions might have been noble, once again.....but his methods stuck to the same pattern of people around Dick believing they knew what he needed or knew who he was or knew what it meant to BE Dick Grayson....better than Dick actually did...particularly when Dick said no, this isn’t what I need or this isn’t a good idea or just...I don’t want to do this.

And in the end....its Dick who ended up paying the price for it, as well as the people who got hurt because of his INTENTIONAL emotional distance.....because the ‘view all surrounding people as new surrogate family’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience hadn’t kicked in as Roy thought inevitably would....but the ‘view all this as directly my fault and suffer guilt for it forevermore’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience most certainly did! Not at all actually helped along by the fact that like....Roy also expressed frustration with Dick that like.....Dick hadn’t actually responded to Roy’s intended manipulation of his emotions the way Roy had expected him to when he EXPRESSLY TOLD DICK TO BEHAVE THE WAY THAT DICK ULTIMATELY BEHAVED. (Just, he didn’t tell Dick to dial that all the way up to Extra, but given that’s the only setting Dick does ANYTHING at, I feel its a possible outcome Roy should have at least considered. I mean, wasn’t the whole point that you know Dick Grayson better than he knows himself?)

But lo, I am salty.

LMAO, but I mean, you get it right? Obviously, I LIKE Wally and Roy. I LIKE Jason, etc. I’m not saying all of this to be like ugh how dare these characters do all this to Dick....I’m saying it because like.....they all keep falling into the same patterns of making a big fuss and acknowledgment of how much Dick prioritizes being able and free to make his own choices and decide what’s best for him and what HE wants.....

But without ever like....actively asking him AT THE RELEVANT TIME....what he thinks and feels about all this. What he thinks and feels he needs. What he ACTUALLY wants from them, or why he’s ACTUALLY saying no to something and maybe it being for reasons that aren’t just him inherently being stubborn and self-destructive.

And instead just defaulting to falling back on whatever he might have said or expressed in an entirely different context at an entirely different time.....and saying okay, by doing so, we are abiding by his wishes and thus doing what he wants and respecting his right to make his own choices.....

But ONLY when doing all of the above just so happens to align with these other characters then getting to do the thing or take the approach they’re already predisposed towards wanting to take because of their OWN self-interests at the same time.

With this never actually coming into play when respecting Dick’s wishes aligns with them taking actions they DON’T personally want to undertake, because it makes them uncomfy or they think its a bad call, even if it is something that should be his call to make.

Like....the pattern. It very much exists. And abounds. Like I could cite examples allllllllllll the way up to Ric Grayson, where Bruce respected RIC’S wishes to be left alone and not interfere in his life no matter what.....in ways Bruce almost never respects Dick’s actual expressed wish for Bruce to butt out of matters when Bruce is actually quite keen on meddling and would very much like to....

But notice how the other thing about the Ric Grayson storyline is that Ric’s expressed desire to stay the fuck out of vigilantism and superhero work, like.....just so happens to align with Bruce’s longstanding desire for Dick to like...get out of the vigilantism and superhero work? With butting out of Ric’s life and respecting his privacy in ways Dick has to FIGHT him for, like......absolutely the optimal action to take in order to allow this expressed desire of Ric’s to flourish in the ways Bruce always wished would kick in for Dick?

.....just saying. 

The pattern. It abounds.

And the key to breaking any pattern, of course, is to first recognize....and acknowledge....that it exists.

Otherwise you tend to fall into the trap of repeating and perpetuating it over and over without even realizing it, simply because its what’s familiar.

This has been A Post by Me. Thank you and have a nice day. Or don’t. Idk. I’m not the boss of you. Whatever.

@avatarfandompolice​​​ is a blog that likes to misuse progressive language in attempt to make ignorant, racist posts sound more intelligent than they are. While most of their blog consists of arguing about ‘zutara,’ (which I recently learned is a ship name for Zuko and Katara from an anon), there is also a large number of posts and reblogs under the premise of being “hot takes” on how unfair it is to address racism in fandom and in media.

Avatarfandompolice is very sensitive about people pointing out that Avatar: The Last Airbender is not, in fact, flawless. That a show made by two white men featuring Asian and Indigenous characters and influences is fully capable of getting things wrong. That their western colonial views are influences all on their own, and it shows. Rather than listen to fans of colour point out things like these posts for example: [Link] [Link] [Link], avatarfandompolice has decided that such things must simply be fake, and has made multiple posts complaining it. This is not just regular ignorance, this is wilful ignorance. The dismissal of critique simply because they cannot fathom not everyone being able to handle the amount of issues they are freely educating others on, or people holding the ability to like something overall while also pointing out where it could be better.

It is my firm belief that you should never absorb media with an uncritical eye. If this was the case, if people just accepted everything given to them, then we would never see any progress. We need to be able to look back at something and say here’s what we did right, and here’s what we need to do better with.

The argument that A:TLA was made in 2012 and therefore should not be analyzed with a modern understanding of the world is downright hilarious, too. As if we aren’t taught to write literature analysis on books and plays that are centuries old in school. In particular regards to the whole cop thing... if anyone reading this seriously thinks that hate and fear of the police is just a 2020 trend, you can meet me in the pit. I was four years old when I learned how terrifying cops are. If your experiences differ, let me tell you that does not make them universal. And as for all the 20-somethings talking about it today, well, gentle reminder that as said by avatarfandompolice right here, the show aired in 2012. Little 10-year-old kids don’t have social media, (at least I hope they don’t,) and unless they grew up experiencing first-hand police terror, probably were not aware of it at that age. I do not know why avatarfandompolice insults people's ability to grow and learn. I can only guess it’s jealously from their lack of ability to do so.

Now let’s address their defences of whitewashing, which is easily the most backwards reaching I’ve seen on this issue in a while. Primarily their defence relies on four repetitive “points” —

Fake minuscule percentages to downplay the high prevalence and extremity of whitewashing in the fandom

Deflecting the addressing of whitewashing with rapid-fire fake scenarios and claims of “reverse racism” / “blackwashing”

Claiming whitewashing isn’t real because people only care about it with Katara

Claiming that calling out whitewashing in fandom is wrong because it hurts artists

I have only so much as dipped my toes into the A:TLA fandom, and even I have seen a lot of whitewashed fan art. If you do an image search for fan art, I guarantee within the first couple rows of results, there will be in the absolute least, a few examples. The idea of these artworks not substantially lightening skin is also just plain inaccurate. Just from a quick Google search, this is literally the first result for ‘Avatar The Last Airbender Katara fan art’:

Avatarfandompolice is also hyper-focused on the lightening of skin, and seems to be under the impression that this is the only component of whitewashing. I come to this conclusion because when someone pointed out the equal prevalence of depicting these characters of colour with Western European features instead of their actual eyes, noses, etc., they rip a giant turd out of their ass and scrawl the words “but stereotyping” over it. No, not all Asian peoples and Indigenous peoples look the same. The original poster made no such claim of this at all. Avatarfandompolice jumped to this conclusion all on their own... (which really says a lot in itself). It is entirely unrelated to the point. The point being the erasure of how these characters look, in favour of giving them whiter features. And guess what? This does hurt. But I’ll get to that below.

The lack of understanding of whitewashing is on full display when avatarfandompolice talks about “blackwashing”; the idea that colouring characters with darker skin is just like whitewashing. Firstly, there is no such thing as “blackwashing.” “Blackwashing,” “brownwashing,” etc. does not exist because it is a false equivalency to whitewashing. It is a false equivalency to whitewashing because white people are not even in the slightest loosing representation when a white character is re-imagined as a racial minority, whereas when racial minorities are re-imagined as white people, they are taking away from what is already very little representation for us. If we lived in a world where the statistics of representation were not so drastically disproportionate, then there would be something to talk about. But if you are really wanting to support equality, you should focus on equitably supporting those who actually need it, not white people. As for specifically depicting characters like Sokka and Katara with darker skin than what they have in the show, the same applies, (so long as it’s not racebending them as we really shouldn’t be taking representation away from each other, and the artist avatarfandompolice ridicules above has done no such thing,) because colourism also exists within nonwhite communities as well.

As for the fake questions about cosplaying, the answer is really simple: Cosplay however you want, but don’t make pretending to be a different race part of your cosplay. If you want to cosplay Katara, you can do it without painting your skin darker, aka brownface. If you want to cosplay Zuko, you can do it without editing yourself to look East Asian, aka digital yellowface. The racist history behind this is an internet search away, but I suppose that is too difficult for avatarfandompolice to do.

Avatarfandompolice has made multiple claims that people must not really care about whitewashing if they only call it out for Katara. It is laughable at best, and sad at worst, that this is the conclusion they come to, and not the fact that unfortunately Katara just happens to be subjected to more whitewashing than other characters. I assume this is from a mix of her popularity as well as being a WOC and not MOC. This is not to say that whitewashing does not exist with male characters—not in the slightest. Half the images on this “10 fan art pictures of Sokka that are just the best” list from CBR are whitewashed. Only that across fandoms, whitewashing is more prevalent in female characters, by my observations at least.

Finally—and this one pisses me off the most—avatarfandompolice claims that whitewashing is no big deal, but calling out whitewashing is too harmful to justify. How fucking dare you put the feelings of artists who can’t handle critique of their work (that they publicly share) over fans of colour, who are constantly subjected to seeing our identities and looks not being worth respecting. As if it doesn’t imprint on your mind from a very young age how only villains ever have your facial features, because they’re ugly and I guess that means you’re ugly. As if there is something wrong with you. As if respecting you is regarded as extra effort, and not just common courtesy.

Whitewashing is a form of colourism, which is a form of racism. It is the favouritism, unconscious or not, of white features and the erasure of visible characters of colour. It is not fandom drama. It is not being too lazy to focus on “real issues” because it is part of a real issue. It is yet another part of why fandom spaces are so uninviting to POC. We live in a society that favours lighter skin. Corporations make fortunes from selling products to bleach your skin, products to contour your features away or go as far as surgery, all to meet beauty standards set by and influenced by white colonizers. That does not exist in A:TLA, and that’s called refreshing escapism. But it’s hard to escape that when the fandom constantly reminds you otherwise. It is a perfect example of how the classic “just let people enjoy things” complaint is nothing but disguised racism, because it’s only ever said regarding white fans’ enjoyment, at the expense of fans of colour.

None of the characters in A:TLA are white. Redesigning them and recolouring them as if they are, be it out of accident or intent is wrong. If you get called out for it, apologize, learn from the experience and do better going forward. You’ll also improve your art this way.

Beyond excusing whitewashing, avatarfandompolice has overt racist posts as well. A Black fan said they like to headcanon Katara as being partially Black; “I swear Katara was a sister. Im convinced there ain't no way she didn't have some black in her.” Avatarfandompolice jumps in saying “She's literally an Inuit but ok” as if being an Inuk person means Katara can’t possibly also be Black. The OP never claimed Katara was not Indigenous, simply that they also saw her as Black. Black Indigenous peoples exist. Black Inuk peoples exist. It is overtly anti-Black to say otherwise. But what even is the point of talking to avatarfandompolice about that? You know, you would think in trying to put such a front up of caring about the Inuit, they would do the most basic learning of the proper grammatical use of Inuit and Inuk. (As is the case with a great many Indigenous Nations, Inuit is both the Nation and plural. Inuk is singular. “An Inuit” / “Inuits” as avatarfandompolice has used just makes their dressed-up racism all the more pathetic. It’s similar to as if you said “Chinas” instead of “Chinese”.)

But all this is nothing, nothing compared to the worst post I had the displeasure of seeing. In a single post, avatarfandompolice manages to squeeze in insult against low income people, Mexican people, Jewish people, and Black people in a mockery of financial help posts. Absolutely disgusting, childish behaviour from a place of privilege. As someone who has had no option but to make such a post before, more than once, let me fucking tell you that the embarrassment and desperation when in that situation is unparalleled. It is not done lightly. It is done when you are at the last resort of having nothing but hope that the combined generosity of others will be enough to save you and your family. And what adds a whole other level to the odiousness of avatarfandompolice’s post is that they specifically targeting low income minorities to boot. Because we’re all poor beggars, right?

All in all, for someone who prides themselves in calling others ignorant, avatarfandompolice has to be one of the most obtuse fandom blogs I have ever scrolled through. They are as vile as they are pathetic, and my sincere sympathy for anyone who has been unfortunate enough to interact with them. It has been a while since I so strongly recommend blocking someone.

A substitute

This is me being productive thank uuuu

Again, writing about my beloved Hawks ! Another Character study but with a little more plot!

Family dinners were a thing Hawks had never attended. So when Inko Midoriya invited him to a dinner with her son in their apartment, it felt personal enough for him to be touched.

With all the things that Izuku had been going through in the last months, Hawks had became a friend to him. After all, he was one of the only people the kid would talk to because of his work obsession, he had reassured the poor mother several times when they met in the hospital and the hero saved the student's ass more than once.

Inko was thankful for all of that and Hawks enjoyed her company. So initially, it was him who invited her and the kid to his favorite restaurant as he always did with people he grew found of. But the offer had been negotiated and twisted by the woman, in such a way that he ended up knocking at their door on a Saturday night at 6:49 pm.

He entered and was struck by how warm the small flat felt. There wasn't much, but he could feel all the love and care that was put into the relationships of the people inhabiting this nest.

The reason it appeared obviously to him was because he was used to the atmosphere of his own house to be oppressing and awkward. Even since he had been left alone, his mother had somehow let those feelings behind her like a sticky mud imbedding every furniture and parquet lick. It wasn't as overwhelming as when it flooded the whole place, letting Keigo in a constant fight for a breath of air, suffocating most of the time, but it was there. He was surprised by how the small home of the Midoriyas seemed deprived of any of this.

He sat down with them and they conversed while eating. Every now and then, Inko thanked him again for the times he had saved her son's life. Hawks would always accept it and say that the kid was a future great hero, it would be a shame to let him die at this age. A statement to which she agreed proud and loud while her son tried to hide the pleasure those flatteries provided him. A feeling of longing emerged in Hawks as he watched the woman compliment her flesh and blood. Squishing his hand when she reminded him of how much she loved him and sometimes blushing, as if she didn't deserve such an amazing kid as her Izuku. It was such a strange thing to see this mother invested in her son's dreams and ambitions.

While Hawks did know it should be a usual thing in a functioning family, being at the first row to witness this made him feel a lump in his throat.

When the student couldn't bare to be the subject of anymore compliments, he switched the conversation to the professional hero in a rather obvious way that none of the two others decided to take notice of.

After a few work anecdotes, the woman came to ask what she should call the hero outside of work.

"I have been going by Hawks for over ten years now." He answered. "But thank you for asking. You must have seen Touya's broadcast too. I really appreciate that you asked despite knowing my name."

"Why do you keep using your hero name in private if your identity is out to the public by now?" Izuku asked. Then he put his chin in his hand and tried to answer his own question before the hero could. "Altho I have to admit that after a decade of never using it, it could feel unfamiliar and strange to you. And just because the public knows about your name's reputation doesn't mean that you would want them to be reminded of it- not that your name defines your value... Or that you really care about your public image, now that I think of it."

While he was trailing off, Inko's face decomposed as she grew more and more horrified of how intrusive her son was being without realizing it. Hawks finished chewing his bite before cutting the boy off.

"Actually, I am in fact used to be called Hawks more than to be called Keigo or Takami. But I also like to think of it as always being working. I wake up and go to bed Hawks. I am myself as a hero and therefore I don't need a personal life next to it."

The boy nodded thoughtfully while the mother thanked him for sharing this with them and apologized for her son's comportment. Realizing only now what he had done, Izuku was quick to apologize with even more embarrassment than his mother if it was possible and it took Hawks a few minutes to seemingly convince them they had done no harm.

Once both the mother and son calmed down, Inko found the courage to start a new subject of conversation.

"About you always working. While I understand the necessity of it, is it something that all heroes are doing?" She said looking down at her plate.

Before Hawks could say anything, Izuku grabbed his mother's harm in a comforting way. "I will choose what kind of hero I am. And I know I don't want to be one without you. I have already tried cutting people out. I am never doing that again, I promise."

Inko gripped her son's arm back, tears growing in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Izuku. I just got scared for you again for an instant." The boy comforted her with a few words and she swallowed her tears to apologize to their guest.

"I'm sorry you saw this. I invited you to have a good time, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"There's no problem." The man answered in a detached way. But his stomach now felt heavy and he wasn't hungry, so he grabbed his cup to drink instead.

It wasn't because he thought Inko made a scene or that he was uncomfortable with feelings in general. But the worry of the woman for her son had him wondering for a second if she would ever reveal personal informations about him if she was threatened. And the answer imposed itself to the man, she would never. And she would most definitely not then leave with only a note waiting in an empty hoise for her injured son coming back from a stay at the hospital after a war.

Thoughts about his mother creeped into Hawks' mind. Mostly questions, since she had left without any indication of where she was going.

Witnessing Inko's dedication to her child triggered some instincts in Hawks that were urging him to run to his own mother in the search of comfort. Hut despite this natural reflex, his brain couldn't picture such a scene. Not with the detached and clueless woman that was Tomie Takami. Not with the unnatural relationship they had. Actually, he knew that she would be the one to one day desperately come back to him when she will have spent all the money she took with her.

He carried the conversation with the Midorias for a while. Staying in their home this night was as if a sadistic entity was mockingly shaking a toy in front of a child who would never be able to even imagine the joy of holding it in their hands. So he finally declared he was leaving, sooner than he probably would have otherwise. He thanked the attentionate family and went for a fly outside. For a while, he had no clue of where he was going. After a while of wandering in his immense city, he found himself drawn back to his favorite restaurant. He stared at the closed place from a higher building. Lost in his thoughts and faced by the mediocrity of the comfort this place brought to him.

Was the title too subtle about the restaurant vs family dinner being a parallel of how Hawks finds substitute for his non existent childhood and family in things that aren't personal?

Hi Chibi! I’m kind of obsessed with your blog. I’ve loved Kuro for a long time so it’s nice to see someone make very thoughtful posts about it. I was reading some of your posts about the kuro anime and was wondering. What is your opinion of the season 2 OVA The story of Will the reaper? I love the reapers so getting to know about their world is great, but will kicking grell’s ass was not great 😖.

【Response to: “are there any S1 or S2 OVAs you enjoyed?”】

Dear Dagonl,

Thank you very much for your interest! I’m happy you like my content, and it’s always nice to hear that somebody is interested in long-winded posts deep-analyses! ^^

Short answer:

As for my opinion on ‘The story of Will the Reaper’: as I said in the original post, in my opinion “[a]ll OVAs for the second season were (almost) as awful as the season itself, save for ‘The Making of [Kuroshitsuji]’.” Though, ‘the story of Will the reaper’ is actually the one that made me add the ‘almost’ in the previous sentence, meaning that it’s marginally better than the rest.

Click for Full Answer: The good things and the... awful things.

1. The good things

The reason I found this OVA marginally better is because I do respect the ambition and (attempt at) creativity the makers have shown. At the time of release the manga had not revealed anything yet about reaper origins. So I guess they could be forgiven for their artistic liberties (unlike the spoiler-revelation of Undertaker’s nature that ruined his big revelation in the manga.)

1.1. Fair world-building

The world-building works well with the idea of Yana’s satire on the Japanese Salaryman through William. As William is something of a self-proclaimed ‘model’ and so unforgivingly rigid, it gives us reason to believe the Reaper Dispatch Society is built on this type of ideal; aka the Japanese office environment. We have also seen that the technology of the Death Scythes is a century more advanced than Kuroshitsuji’s contemporaries, so the 1980s setting was well done in my opinion.

1.2. Fair reflection on reaper/Salaryman doctrine

The biggest critique on Salaryman culture is the robotic attitude employers demand. The Japanese Salaryman™ is expected to be no more than silent executors of the will from above. As explained by William, reapers don’t actually do all that much; all they do is meaningless double-checking JUST IN CASE something might be off.

As a satire this OVA is not ‘complete’ because you do need the information from the manga that came out many years later to understand why the reaper world is a satire in the first place for the actual punch. But in the very least the OVA pays adequate lip-service and does not disrespect the satirical origins of Yana’s design.

One thing this OVA does arguably better than even Yana is showing that most reapers are robotic work zombies like Will, rather than that the Dispatch Office is filled with eccentric youngsters as the named reapers of the series might suggest. (Though there is a downside that I will discuss in section 2.2.)

2. The awful things

So, to me this OVA has two good things, but they are insignificant in the face of the awful things that’s the rest of this OVA.

2.1. Raging homo and transphobia, etc.

This OVA handles Grell extremely poorly. First of all, this OVA makes it explicit that Grell is a homosexual man, blatantly defying both canon and Yana’s explicit statement of her female gender. Why? Because the most obnoxious shippers want their Yaoi, and this sells. This one literally needed to sell because it’s an OVA.

As explained in more detail in this post, Grell was called a man and she eagerly responded “oh, yes”, and later she herself confirms this statement by making it explicit that she dreams of herself in a m/m relationship. (Yes, these subs are accurately translated. Click the link for a Japanese to English breakdown).

Some fans have explained this as Grell’s words before she realised her own identity, and I understand why. We all want something to not be this gross and try to make sense of the nonsensical, and some actual identity discovering journey would have been nice. For Grell as a character however, it only serves to give Man!Grellers more ammo (even though they have the destructive power of cotton wads).

As I said in the post linked above, “[if this statement] used to be [Grell’s] thoughts that are no longer relevant in present time, the script should have addressed that in present-timeline of the story. As it is now, it is clear as day that the writer Nemoto Toshizou did not take that into inconsideration.”

Secondly, this OVA is desperately trying to cater to Grelliam shippers. Fans have always come up with different reasons to ship this, but this OVA had to choose the most toxic one to capitalise on. Why make Grell so shitty to Will for no reason? Being degrading to him is one thing, but Grell was outright deadly violent to William for trying to do his job. And then Grell only stopped being so hostile because she got beaten back and therefore fell in love?

Yes, people justify this by saying that it’s charming to Grell because she’s a masochist, “whatever”. This however, paints a very askew image of real people who enjoy masochism as a kink. Any responsible adult in the SM community would tell you how painfully shallow Grell’s masochism is portrayed as, and how this portrayal takes away all accountability from someone who harms a kink-masochist if something went wrong.

This OVA would ironically have been more effective as an anti-Grelliam story, except that it sells itself as the opposite. With just the manga, people could just say: “oh, Grell doesn’t respect William’s personal boundaries, and William is very aggressive to Grell, but they can sort that out...eventually.” Add this OVA however, suddenly William is an indisputable abuse victim, and Grell is just an “in your face gay” (as the gay stereotype dictates...)

2.2. Contradicting Canon

I am actually not all that harsh about this OVA contradicting canon history because at the time of release nothing about the reapers had been revealed yet. Like I said above, I even respect the creativity to some extent. The only real problem is because this fandom tends to conflate canon with anime information by using cross-media information to understand Kuroshitsuji.

As discussed in section 1.2., the glimpses of the Reaper office are interesting, but the downside to this is that it suggests reapers are a race one is born into because all newbies are approximately the same age. Without the manga, this information in a vacuum is fine. Later however, Yana reveals that all reapers are suicides and are being punished for this sin. If a fan accepts both pieces of information and tries to piece them together, then suddenly this bit of creativity becomes a totalitarian nightmare.

People of all ages commit suicide. If a fan were to try shoehorn the OVA info into canon material (for lack of more stories), then we get: 1. reapers are suicides who get punished, and 2. all reaper newbies are approximately the same age and able bodied. The only conclusion we can draw then is that only able-bodied suicides who fit the ‘newbie age’ are punished. What happens to people who fall outside this norm? Is becoming a reaper and ‘paying off’ your sin the only way to “serve your term”? If so, then do suicides who fall outside this norm never get a chance to redeem themselves?😱 Or...... do only able-bodied youngsters get punished for committing suicide because they still had “societal value” but wasted it? Either way would be f*cked up!

But again, none of this is a real problem as long as a fan can distinguish canon from non-canon information ^^ So, moving on

2.3. Are reapers God Almighty?

Unlike the second, the third issue I have with the OVA is actually something I am quite harsh on. In this OVA we see that even trainees like William and Grell have apparent power to judge over somebody’s life and death based on their intellectual value. However, this begs for an urgent question!

Under section 3 of this post I discussed whether the law of “a human dies because a reaper says so” according to Grell would be feasible. It’s a relatively long discussion, so please click the link if you’re interested in the details. If you just want it to be quick then just ask the following question: “why give trainees/reapers with human subjectivity an almighty God’s** power to decide over life and death of others?” If we then add the manga’s canon information that reapers are being punished for having committed suicide, then why give people whose sin was ‘deciding over life and death wrongly FOR THEMSELVES’ the power to do so for OTHERS????

Still, even if we disregard the manga and view this OVA in a vacuum, it is still VERY alarming that trainees are given this power. Perhaps if a trainee misjudges there will be due consequences from above, but why give a trainee this power in the first place? Are human lives just test objects to this “reaper race”?

This third issue is so awful to me because it shows how little the OVA creators thought through matters and just wanted a quick money grab by selling the most toxic version of the Grelliam ship.

**TLN: A ‘shinigami’ is Japanese for ‘Death (shini) God (gami/kami)’, but please note that in Japanese definitions, a ‘kami’ is not ‘god’ in the same way it is in the Abrahamic sense. A ‘kami’ is more similar to a ‘spirit’, and is therefore not a supreme being. Entirely accurately, a ‘shinigami’ would be more similar to ‘death angel’ or ‘death spirit’.

Related posts:

Why would Sascha have committed suicide? Rutger, Will and the JP Salaryman

How does a scythe kill a reaper? A discussion of MBD musical’s horrible writing of universe laws, and canon reaper laws

Can reapers teleport?

A reaper’s dormitory

Should Unvaccinated People Be Put on No-Fly List?

In June 2021, the U.S. National Security Council released a new “National Strategy for Countering Domestic Terrorism” document.1 While it’s being largely framed as a tool to fight White supremacy and political extremism, the definition of what constitutes a “domestic terrorist” is incredibly vague and based on ideologies rather than specific behaviors.

It’s not difficult to imagine this policy being used to silence political opposition simply by labeling anyone who disagrees with the government as a domestic terrorist and charging them with a hate crime.

We’re already seeing signs suggesting that this is the path we’re on. July 28, 2021, Dr. Peter Hotez published a paper2 in PLOS Biology titled “Mounting Antiscience Aggression in the United States,” in which he suggests criticizing Dr. Anthony Fauci and other scientists ought to be labeled a “hate crime.” Commenting on the paper, Paul Joseph Watson at Summit News writes:3

“This is yet another transparent effort to dehumanize anti-lockdown protesters and demonize people who merely want to exercise bodily autonomy while elevating Fauci and his ilk to Pope-like status. Science isn’t supposed to be a religious dogma that is set in stone, it’s an ever-evolving knowledge base that changes and improves thanks to dissent and skepticism.”

Science Depends on Questioning and Challenging Assumptions

Attorney Jonathan Turley also responded to Hotez’s paper in an August 4, 2021, blog post, saying:4

“’Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.’ Feynman’s statement captures how science depends upon constant questioning and challenging of assumptions …

[T]here remain important debates over not just the underlying science relation to Covid-19 but the implications for such science for public policies. Criminalizing aspects of that debate would ratchet up the threats against those with dissenting views, including some scientists. That would harm not just free speech but science in the long run.”

Should We Have Protected Classes That Cannot Be Questioned?

Turley also points out how making scientists a protected class (and one would assume only those with specific political leanings) is a slippery slope that will likely have unwieldy ramifications:5

“The federal hate crime laws focus on basis of a person’s characteristics of race, religion, ethnicity, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, and gender identity. We have seen calls for adding professions like police officers, which I also opposed.

As with police officers, the inclusion of such professions would have a direct and inimical impact on free speech in our society. Indeed, it would create a slippery slope as other professions demand inclusion from reporters to ministers to physicians. Hate crimes would quickly apply to a wide array of people due to their occupations.”

Will America Accept No-Fly List for Unvaccinated?

Writing for The Atlantic,6 former assistant secretary for Homeland Security Juliette Kayyem posits that people who do not want to be part of the COVID injection experiment “need to bear the burden” when it comes to preventing the spread of SARS-CoV-2.

“The number of COVID-19 cases keeps growing, even though remarkably safe, effective vaccines are widely available,” Kayyem writes.7 “Many public agencies are responding by reimposing masking rules on everyone.

But at this stage of the pandemic, tougher universal restrictions are not the solution to continuing viral spread. While flying, vaccinated people should no longer carry the burden for unvaccinated people.

The White House has rejected a nationwide vaccine mandate … but a no-fly list for unvaccinated adults is an obvious step that the federal government should take.

It will help limit the risk of transmission at destinations where unvaccinated people travel — and, by setting norms that restrict certain privileges to vaccinated people, will also help raise the stagnant vaccination rates that are keeping both the economy and society from fully recovering.”

Travel Ban Identified as Effective Coercion Strategy

According to Kayyem, traveling in general and flying in particular is not a human right, and putting unvaccinated individuals on a no-fly list is a matter of national security, in the sense that the country needs to protect itself from people capable of spreading this dangerous virus.

She makes no mention of the scientifically confirmed fact that none of the COVID shots actually prevent you from getting infected, and that “vaccinated” individuals carry the same viral load as the unvaccinated,8,9 which means they’re just as infectious. The main difference is that vaccinated individuals might not realize that they’re carriers, as the primary effect when the injections do work is lessening symptoms of infection.

Kayyem also cites a New York Times and Kaiser Family Foundation poll in which 41% of unvaccinated respondents had said prohibition on airline travel would sway their decision, including 11% of those “adamantly opposed” to vaccination. In other words, where free doughnuts and million-dollar lotteries have failed to coerce people to get the shot, an airline travel ban might do the trick.

Despite her former position within government, she makes no mention of laws forbidding coercion of medical volunteers, such as the U.S. Code of Federal Regulations 45 CFR 46 (subpart A, the Belmont report),10 the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights treaty,11 the Declaration of Helsinki12 or the Nuremberg Code.13 Supreme court rulings have also clarified that Americans have the right to choose their own health care in general.14,15

Reframing to Confuse the Issue

Kayyem suggests circumventing such basic human rights by reframing the issue. She writes:16

“The public debate about making vaccination a precondition for travel, employment, and other activities has described this approach as vaccine mandates, a term that … suggests that unvaccinated people are being ordered around arbitrarily.

What is actually going on, mostly, is that institutions are shifting burdens to unvaccinated people ... rather than imposing greater burdens on everyone.

Americans still have a choice to go unvaccinated, but that means giving up on certain societal benefits. Nobody has a constitutional right to attend The Lion King on Broadway or work at Disney or Walmart … People who still want to wait and see about the vaccines can continue doing so. They just can’t keep pushing all the costs on everyone else.”

As pointed out by Swift Headline,17 the owner of Atlantic magazine, Laurene Powell Jobs, the billionaire widow of Steve Jobs, owns two private jets herself, giving her the freedom to fly around the world at will, regardless what vaccine mandates might be in place. Many other ultra-rich individuals would also be able to ignore the rules due to wealth alone, essentially turning them into a protected class. Swift Headline points out this projection:18

“The Atlantic went on to say unvaccinated people who are exercising their individual rights as free Americans ‘do not deserve’ to be a ‘protected class’ …

Jobs’s wealth and class status is detailed in Breitbart News’ Editor-in-Chief Alex Marlow’s book, ‘Breaking the News: Exposing the Establishment Media’s Hidden Deals and Secret Corruptions,’ which ‘exposes the hidden connections between the establishment media and the activist left.’

As Marlow details, Jobs’s past is a privileged one ... Jobs ‘married well and inherited a lot of money, and her wealth is tied up in some of world’s biggest companies,’ Marlow continues. ‘She is the establishment.’”

The Price of Admission to Society

August 2, 2021, the San Francisco Chronicle also published an opinion piece19 by the Chronicle editorial board, in which they suggested we ought to “Make vaccination the price of admission to society.” One way to evaluate the reasonableness of such a proposition is to replace COVID “vaccination” with anything else. How about: “Make proof of contraception use the price of admission to bars and nightclubs.”

“Make clear skin the price of admission to gyms and public swimming pools.” “Make being taller than 5’ 9” the price of admission to theme parks.” “Make having a BMI below 25 the price of admission to airline flights.” “Make proof of not having an illness the price of admission to in-hospital care.”

According to the Chronicle editorial board, “the unvaccinated account for over 95% of hospitalizations and deaths.”20 The board does not cite where it got that data from, so let’s review the source of that data.

In an August 5, 2021, video statement, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention director Dr. Rochelle Walensky noted that this statistic was obtained by looking at hospitalization and mortality data from January through June 2021 — a timeframe during which the vast majority of the United States population were unvaccinated.

The narrative that we’re in a ‘pandemic of the unvaccinated’ was created by using statistics from a time period when the U.S. as a whole was largely unvaccinated. When you look at more recent data, the trend is swinging in the opposite direction.

January 1, 2021, only 0.5% of the U.S. population had received a COVID shot. By mid-April, an estimated 31% had received one or more shots,21 and as of June 15, 48.7% were fully “vaccinated.”22

The CDC has also pointed out that you are not considered “fully vaccinated” until two weeks after your second dose (in the case of Pfizer or Moderna), which is given six weeks after your first shot.23 This means that if you receive your first dose on June 1, you won’t be “fully vaccinated” until eight weeks later, around August 1.

So, the narrative that we’re in a “pandemic of the unvaccinated” was created by using statistics from a time period when the U.S. as a whole was largely unvaccinated. When you look at more recent data, the trend is swinging in the opposite direction.

Vaccinated Now Comprise the Bulk of Hospitalizations

For example, August 1, 2021, Dr. Sharon Alroy-Preis, director of Israel’s Public Health Services, announced half of all COVID-19 infections were among the fully vaccinated.24

A few days later, August 5, Dr. Kobi Haviv, director of the Herzog Hospital in Jerusalem, appeared on Channel 13 News, reporting that 95% of severely ill COVID-19 patients are fully vaccinated, and that they make up 85% to 90% of COVID related hospitalizations overall.25

In Scotland, official data on hospitalizations and deaths show 87% of those who have died from COVID-19 in the third wave that began in early July were vaccinated,26 and in Gibraltar, which has a 99% COVID jab compliance rate, COVID cases have risen by 2,500% since June 1, 2021.27

A CDC investigation of an outbreak in Barnstable County, Massachusetts between July 6 through July 25, 2021, found 74% of those who received a diagnosis of COVID19, and 80% of hospitalizations, were among the fully vaccinated.28,29 Most, but not all, had the Delta variant.

“What the breakthrough cases appear to show is that the delta variant of the coronavirus is more easily carried and transmitted by vaccinated people than its predecessors,” the Chronicle editorial board writes.30

“In any case, the greater apparent transmissibility of the variant makes it that much more important to protect as many people as possible from severe COVID by increasing inoculation rates.”

What the board appears to be saying is that unvaccinated people must be protected against severe infection, against their will, if need be, and the best way to do that is to discriminate against them and treat them like second-class citizens.

Again, a simple way to check the reasonableness of this argument is to swap out the COVID reference for something else. How about, “It’s important to protect as many people as possible from dying in car accidents by raising car prices so fewer people can get behind the wheel.”

Can ‘Big Brother’ Save You From a Virus?

As early as April 2020, The Times in the U.K. weighed in with similar suggestions, stating “We need Big Brother to beat this virus.”31 Clare Foges, the author of the piece in question, went on to say, “Don’t let the civil liberties lobby blind us to the fact that greater state surveillance, including ID cards, is required.”

The argument that Big Brother can protect us from infection is ludicrous on its face, because no amount of people surveillance can prevent microscopic viruses from circulating.

The No. 1 place of viral spread is in institutions, such as nursing homes and hospitals, yet the staff within them are among the most well-trained in pathogenic control. If trained hospital staff can’t prevent the spread of viruses, how can government officials do it?

Importantly, the argument that we need vaccine passports to prove we’re “clean” enough to participate in society immediately falls apart when you take into account the fact that the COVID shots do not provide immunity. You can still be infected, carry the virus and spread it to others.

We’ve already seen several examples of situations where 100% of people were fully “vaccinated” against COVID-19 yet an outbreak occurred. We’ve even seen over 100 fully COVID injected people die from COVID in one state alone, Massachusetts,32 so it is likely there are now many thousands of fully “vaccinated” who have died from COVID.

Even a 100% Vaccination Rate Cannot Eliminate COVID

Most recently, Carnival cruise lines experienced an outbreak despite every last person on that ship having proof of COVID “vaccination.”33 The cruise liner had even intentionally reduced capacity from 4,000 to 2,800 to provide ample social distancing capability. None of the measures worked. People got sick anyway, which makes perfect sense if you remember that the shot doesn’t provide immunity, only symptom reduction.

Cases such as these clearly reveal that even if everyone gets the shot, SARS-CoV-2 will mutate and continue to circulate, taking people out here and there. To think that giving up basic rights and freedoms is the answer simply isn’t logical. Taking responsibility for your own health is, and that includes deciding if and how you want to protect yourself from SARS-CoV-2.

Not everyone is deathly afraid of COVID-19. Many realize there are safe and effective treatments available, such as the Front Line COVID-19 Critical Care Alliance’s I-MASS Prevention and At-Home Treatment protocol and I-MASK+ Early Outpatient Treatment protocol.

Nebulized hydrogen peroxide can also be used for prevention and treatment of COVID-19, as detailed in Dr. David Brownstein’s case paper34 and Dr. Thomas Levy’s free e-book, “Rapid Virus Recovery.” And if there’s effective treatment, there’s little need to risk permanent side effects from an experimental gene technology that can only provide a narrow range of protection in the first place.

Analysis by Dr. Joseph Mercola  August 17, 2021

On the void (aka summary of like, 5-7 years of my life lmao)

Idk if this would apply to anyone else at all but regardless. If you, like me, have a side of you with an almost-irresistible pull towards nothingness -- finding existence itself ill-fitted, false or otherwise undesirable -- manifesting in hating the fact of a physical body, infinite passivity and the desire to do nothing ever, wanting to be silent forever because words are some sort of betrayal, explicit wish for disappearance, blend into the surroundings (them posts about lying down in the forest and have the plants grow over you), etc ...or if you feel like you’re already there, a little diffuse, not sure if you exist at all...I’d invite you to at least consider it.

Strong tw for suicide and disordered eating.

The problem (and failed solutions)

For a long time, I tried to realise that desire as much as possible. I did, literally, for weeks and months, stop eating, stop speaking, even for a brief period stop moving entirely. I guess my subconscious was playing along, erasing memory, identity, perception itself. I knew it was hurting me and not a sensible thing to do, but I couldn’t not. The ideal, of course, was death, and I tried to get that too, but at some point I was resigned to living but continued trying to make it as little alive as possible. (see also: that quote from Persona)

I expect we know, it’s Bad, but it’s also the only thing that feels right, feels pure and true. Also feels...inevitable.

I spent years trying to eat normally again, because I “knew” it wasn’t working for me. And it was, like, stupid. I was endlessly frustrated because really, I know better than that, and this doesn’t need to be so hard. But if I’m being honest, I really didn’t want to. I kept hoping and trying for a way to sneak past myself and my life and find a way to still stay true to that...need. And every time I slipped, it felt like I’d found my way back where I belonged. Back with my heart, the void. Home. Where things are a little less wrong.

They talk a lot about the whole “control” thing, and I guess yeah, in a way it’s that. It’s rejection of all that’s been placed upon you, just one big “No” to living a life that’s not on your terms, that you never asked for. No, to life itself. Because none of it feels true to you and you’d rather have nothing than betray yourself. And at some point, you’d rather have nothing than...anything. It feels like passivity -- for a long time, I was like, “without influence, nothingness is the default state. doing anything is an active decision. sustaining life is an active decision. i’m just letting things be in their natural state.” But if you pay attention for a single second, it’s nothing like that. It’s stubborn af. It’s the strongest assertion you’ll ever make. (also, lol, being stationary and nothing is not the natural state of jackshit, at least not for a long time. the heat death of the universe is far away, folks. it’s precisely staying the same that requires resistance)

The thing that led to my first halfway-successful “recovery” attempt (grudgingly, still, not some magic transformation)...wasn’t any good reason that life is good and void is harmful. It was -- “what I desire is literally not a thing I can ever have”. However much I may believe it to be the ultimate good, it’s impossible. And insofar as I’m not actually there, I’m no happier for trying to approximate it. “Slightly pure” is not a thing. It’s just as miserable. It’s futile. All I do is hate myself for every way I fall short.

How does starving myself proceed, how does it end? Not even in death, not usually (I would probably have considered that okay, good even). If I “succeed” enough, it probably ends in a hospital room, being force-fed. And after that? Well, I can just go back to how it was, and have that life on repeat and maybe die somewhere along the way (or just have them not release me again). Or I can try to stop at that stage. Which I guess gives me a little while longer that I can keep up my shit before then, but like. Is that really any good? (my brain still often says yes, but let’s be real. if we can avoid the hospital that’s probably a thing we want)

That’s pragmatic thinking, though; it’s considering things within the frameworks of the world rather than keeping oneself outside of them, and void-self hates that (and I’m 99% sure that anyone who sufficiently strongly related to the previous shit in the present would’ve scoffed at that last paragraph. although some part of you probably also hated to admit it’s true. unless you’re still deep inside, in which case you probably still think you can sneak past it. spoiler alert: you can’t). And I’m sorry, void-self, I know you’d rather have literally anything else, but that is where the universe has placed you, and life isn’t easy enough to let you cop out of anything it gives you.

Void-life is more than just dysfunctional and harmful, it’s completely unsustainable and futile. You’re never going to get there. You’ll just become progressively more miserable. And you can cover your head with a blanket and try to pretend that’s not true while you keep trying, but I know that deep down, you know this. And you hate it and it hurts, and you want to run away from this, too, but...tough. Soz. There’s probably few things you hate so much as, “That’s just the way it is” and you probably just hate the world that much more for not even letting you have this. one. thing. And yeah, fuck the world. Or fuck you. End of the day, you’re probably right -- you weren’t made for each other.

So what now?

I mean, you can die. That’s always a thing you can do. And the first time I really thought this through, I was 100% ready to die rather than deal with it. But it wasn’t the void death from earlier up in this post. It was the anxiety/escapist death from the previous paragraph -- “ohmygod ohmygod I can’t accept this I’m out”. Which, personally, doesn’t generally translate into action, just extreme discomfort and running around like a trapped mouse, wanting to throw myself against the wall (unless it lasts long enough without finding an out of some sort, that it becomes standard depressive hopelessness).

Stage # the next one went like, “well...I guess dying is a thing I’ll get eventually. as such, I could get it anytime I want! eh, what the hell, i can probably fuck around a little while.” Which works, until things become difficult to handle and it becomes, “now seems like a good time.” (after this, technically there was a stage of “killing myself would hurt this person i care about and i’m committed to not doing that...i can probably hang on through it” but that’s not really relevant so i’m sweeping past it.)

But let’s say, for whatever reason, dying is not the ideal option (look, you’re reading this. if you felt this, death was probably one of your first considerations. i expect there’s some reason, however ridiculous, you haven’t successfully gotten to it yet. most of the time, void-self isn’t the whole self and the rest of you still hopes there’s a better way you can satiate it).

Okay, one last thing that I’ve noted to be common in people with this kind of thing going on before I carry on: you have weak boundaries. It sometimes feels like the things placed upon you might seep in and subsume you, and although you seek nothingness, you don’t want to be that kind of nothing (like I said, secretly stubborn af. after all, part of your desire for nothingness involves wanting to be “not that” where that is fkin everything. see also: abjection).

A possible way forward

So here’s what’s been working quite well for me (so far. it might turn into a trainwreck at some point so eh...yeah. but it has been a long time). It boils down to the exist harder and/or assurance point. It also consists of behaving a bit weirdly like you’re [at least] two people.

The main thing is: like I said above, if you’re picking this direction, it’s probably not the void-self choosing it. There’s something else to you. So here’s the plan. You feed it. You strengthen it and let it grow as close to a full person as you can. At first, this looks almost entirely like fighting against void-self and forcing yourself into the world no matter how much it complains. This is really fkin difficult and terrifying to do, and you should use any tools or support you can. This person has been hiding all this time; they’re weak and scared and don’t know how to life. But as they get stronger and develop more of a voice, it becomes easier.

Whatever fragment of this person you start out with, you should be able to identify one (1) thing they consider important or want (don’t tell me there isn’t. that’s not true. it can be as fucking stupid as you like, but if there’s nothing get your depression treated first). Start with that. As you throw them out there more, you’ll probably find more things that they like. Explore many things, stuff you wouldn’t necessarily consider or would be scared of, but you’re curious about. But try as far as possible to make this very much yours. You don’t want to feel like you’re succumbing to some external pressure. You want to feel like you’re in power; that is literally the most important part -- any non-destructive things make you feel like that are great. Take your time. (A thing that’s vaguely useful is miscellaneous advice for people rebuilding themselves after a breakup or loss, because that’s what you’re doing: rebuilding yourself. For yourself this time. Not just for survival.)

Are we suppressing void-self, trying to kill it off? No. We’re just saying it no longer gets to govern our entire lives, because it’s no good at that. It has a place, a place that will probably bring you a lot of happiness, but its place is not controlling your external life. It’s internal.

What we’re doing is giving it a caretaker. We’re giving you the ability to carve out a space for yourself where you can comfortably exist and be a person, without dissolving. But for that you need boundaries, and you need to sustain life first.

More than that, though. The person you’re building will make space for void-self to exist. Void-self doesn’t do that for you. It’s selfish. It kills that person off. It wants to be everything. That’s not fair to the rest of you. And guess what? The rest of you is great, too! It has a lot of potential. It has capabilities void-self could never have dreamed of, that you would never have dreamed of while under the control of void-self. It can bring you a lot of happiness. It has the right to exist, to take up space in your life, too. It will surprise you. This person has the magical ability to exist in the world without being fake...yes, really.

And then, when they’re all grown up, they can protect void-self from being subsumed by everything pushed onto it because they have the strength and skills to navigate real life, to negotiate and place you in situations you want rather than where the wind blows it. And now? Now they can nourish void-self. You can go off on a trip and “disappear” for all intents and purposes. You can go and lie in a field for hours. You can read poetry and do all of the things that do feel authentic to void-self. It never has to pretend to be anything ever again. You can even learn how to really express it to others (something it’d love to do but lacks the ability for). But you can also go to work the next day and feed your organism.

Will void-self be entirely happy with this arrangement? Eh...not really, not when you propose it. You will definitely encounter resistence. But, in my experience, when you actually get there, it comes to peace.

Critique of Fairy Gone’s final episode

Been stewing on it for a few days, but for a show that I've enjoyed so thoroughly, it's hard to accept how much the ending of Fairy Gone let me down.

It's not a resolutely terrible ending, certainly not the worst I've seen in an anime this year, and at a surface level it seems mostly passable, but thinking about it more deeply yields a number of distressing implications that point to- if not a betrayal of it's own themes and ideals, is a deeply depressing answer to them. 

And the worst part is that there is nothing that need by changed beyond the very last episode itself to improve it. All the pieces were in place, but I feel they were played just slightly the wrong ways, and ends up saying several very unfortunate things.

Spoilers below, and a long essay of comprehensive critique.

Cutting straight to the heart of it; Ver's death was cheap and cruel drama for last minute resolution, and I believe that it hurts the story far more than what little was gained from it. So why did Ver have to die, exactly? Especially when her counterpart Wolfran was allowed to live?

She claims that she must atone for her sins, but what precisely are those sins? Veronica was at no point affiliated with the Eins order, was very pointedly foiled in her attempts to commit terrorism and assassination, and was even implicitly forgiven by the target of her vengeance not once, but on repeated occasions. 

Her ultimate crimes amount to little, and more so when compared to Wolfran, who has to this point served an apocalypse cult and terrorist sect and repeatedly gotten away with the harming of innocents and furthering the plans of those who would do further harm. But he gets off with a scratch, forced to keep on living and atone with life instead.

Furthermore, the attack that lead to Ver's impalement and eventualy demise is incredibly dubious, and frankly, offensive when immediately followed by Free's *identical* maneuver that went unpunished. There were no differences between these two attacks at all; they both used their fairies to boost themselves towards the Divine Beast's head, and struck out with a sword. It is endlessly rude of the show to favour Free in this for seemingly no reason other than to ensure his participation in the final boss fight, but even then, there are numerous ways they could have shown this without *perfectly mirroring* the very actions that got Ver killed.

So I've covered the why and the how, but what about what Ver's death means? From the show's perspective, we're told it means she's giving her all to sacrifice herself for Marlya's sake in some grand gesture of love. But this argument holds very little water when examined closely. The two had resolved to take on the fight together no less than 4 times over the previous two episodes, and Ver taking it all on herself is simply contrary to that. HEr reckless behaviour is hardly out of character, but it shows an almost oblivious disregard for the resolution and reconciliation the two faced in the incredibly heartwarming and poignant reunion they had earlier.

Furthermore, Ver's sacrifice; and Sacrifice is what it is, plays into the previously established themes of the Blessed Child and the Cursed Child that Marlya and Ver were designated as and well developed throughout the course of the story. While one might rightly point to this being capitalized on, the message that this choice sends is incredibly dark and depressing. 

We're shown that even though these two managed to reconcile and meet again after years, Ver is still doomed to die for her cause, and Marlya is still doomed to have all those that she loves die. It almost proves the rule that Maryla's care for others puts them at risk. We've never been shown comprehensive proof that this idea is truly a delusion- in a world with fairies and magic, and the two of them being from a village of people specially attuned to them, it has always been treated as an entirely *plausible* fear that she has had to force herself to overcome.

From a broad perspective, it means that Veronica's sins and mistakes are worth her dying for absolution, while Wolfran's do not warrant his death. It means that while Ver is punished for attempting to strike at God, Free is rewarded. This pattern of the principal male characters being favoured over the main female characters is... Unfortunate, to say the least.

Not to mention the all-but-explicitly blistering text of Ver and Marlya's love for each other, Ver's death and Marlya's following sadness are simply one more of an endless field of the graves of women loving women that media has continued to dug for decades, insistenting that a tragically unfulfilled love is the only outcome.

And what comes from Ver's death, physically? Her fairy joins with Marlya's, powering her up and allowing her to bring the end to the conflict. Firstly, the plan was described as feasible with Ver's fairy alone, so the twin powerup seemed like unnecessary flash, but let's accept the fancy fusion for what it is, and still ask;

Why is Ver's death necessary for this? Would it not have sufficed for the two of them to join forces together, and with their newfound connection and communication been able to join their powers? Is there not more to gain emotionally from the two of them affirming their bond to each other rather than having it be cruelly ripped apart by fate once more?

None of this precludes Free from participating, or even Wolfran. Hell, it would have been much more exciting to see all 4 of them team up together to take it down. You can still highlight Free and Marlya's comraderie by having them support each other, while also celebrating each of their connections to their counterparts.

But this isn't what we got.

We get two men who endured this apocalyptic conflict literally no worse for wear, and arguably each better than they started. One woman punished for her already forgiven sins, doomed to be sacrificed for the sake of others and forced to die to prove her love, and one woman who was taught that even her longest and truest relationships will be forcibly stripped from her, and that all she can do is remember them in her heart, with the looming threat that it will continue to happen over and over.

And so Free and Marlya set off on a motorcycle trip to find the answers to the Fairy's mystery, Wolfran settles down in his old town, and Ver was so utterly destroyed from one simple mistake that her grave site is merely a formality.

This is strange, and so easily improved. Free was never much connected with the fairies; his story was always about the echoes of the war he was forced to fight. Why would he not stay and aid in the reparations? Why would he not help his friend adjust to life at home, in the way he couldn't the first time?

Why did Ver and Marlya not go together on that motorcycle trip to learn the truth of their Sunan inheritance, finally together and free to go where they wished? To show Marlya that those that cared to her will not always leave her, and to show Ver that there is good in the world worth living for?

Fairy Gone has been... an enjoyable, thought provoking experience all the way through. It's been an amazing show that I've been excited to watch more of every week... and it's because I loved it so much that Fairy Gone's final episode hurt me so much; both personally as a wlw, and intellectually as a fan of complex narratives. It was so very close, and it could have so easily been better.  

And I really, really believe it should have been. We deserved more.

@jenlog I ain't having an argument in the notes cause it's a pain in the ass. I don't know why you didn't just tag me in a normal reblog or post if you wanted to discuss things.

Anyway, this is the link to the article you provided: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2749479

I took the time to read that and I can only say one thing: read the damn comments on that, from fellow academics. They back up what I was also gonna say: it's a very flawed analysis. It has the strength of numbers of participants, but it lacks proper data analysis, it fails entirely to account for already existing mental health issues in the participants, and it is extremely vague with the details of what exactly the patients reported (aka the so called "gender identity conversion therapy" could very well be anything, from an actual form of gay conversion therapy to their therapist advising them against taking hormones, and neither of those options suggest the actual practice of such a thing as "gender identity conversion therapy"). Also, the people who participated in writing this study already assume that "gender identity" is an actual thing, which is a whole other debate that they fail to even take into account, not even as a statement like "for the purposes of this study, we are working off the assumption that gender identity is a real psychological trait" or something along those lines; that in itself is extremely dishonest, and doesn't help the credibility of this source much.

Here is comment one in its entirety, for reference:

"September 27, 2019

Not all therapy is conversion therapy

Julia Mason, M.S. M.D. | Calcagno Pediatrics

As a pediatrician, I am very concerned with the probability that we are prematurely and permanently medicalizing many young patients who suffer from transient gender dysphoria (GD). 

Multiple studies confirm that only a small minority (15%) of childhood-onset GD persist; GD persistence may be even lower in the novel segment of adolescent-onset GD--a poorly understood group of primarily female patients, which has become the predominant presentation in the last 10 years. 

Many of these patients’ distress has resolved with the help of ethical forms of non-affirmative therapy, which allowed them to ascertain the reasons underlying their GD. Conversely, a great many have been harmed by quick affirmation, which often led to hormonal and surgical interventions they later regretted. (https://www.piqueresproject.com; https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/)

Turban et al allowed a number of study limitations-- including convenience sampling and failure to control for mental illness, a key predictor of suicidality--which should make any savvy reader wary of accepting the study conclusions about the harms of therapy aimed at alleviating GD. 

In addition, the authors failed to mention a key methodological flaw. The researchers limited their survey to a sample of persons identifying as transgender (a term that lacks clinical specificity), rather than including all persons who have suffered from gender dysphoria (a DSM 5 diagnosis). As a result, the study is not generalizable to the larger population of persons with gender dysphoria (GD). The number of persons who at one point suffered from GD but no longer do far outnumbers those who have persistent and consistent GD and thus identify as transgender. 

Without access to ethical exploratory psychotherapy (which the authors appear to incorrectly conflate with unethical conversion therapy), patients suffering from GD have only one option: permanent treatment with hormones and surgical interventions. Given the many known, and as yet-to-be discovered risks of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones, the irreversibility of sex change surgeries, and the increasing numbers of young people expressing regret about choices made during what turned out to be a transient phase of their identity formation, it’s critical to ensure free access to all ethical forms of therapy.

CONFLICT OF INTEREST: None Reported"

I found this one to be very well worded, but the other two are equally informative and all three can be found by scrolling to the bottom of the link you've provided, and pressing the read more options.

To put it bluntly, this is a shaky study at best. Academic studies all follow certain guidelines, and while there are of course differences between types of studies and the subject the study is made for, I'm familiar with reading psychology type studies since I'm a psych student myself, and immediately I can point out that this would not have gotten very good grades. It states its point repeatedly, often without any clear link between its reaffirmed hypothesis and the actual data gathered. Here's a thing about studies: they're real hard to make for several reasons, but one of them is that data gathering is hard, and data interpretation is harder. You also don't always wind up being right in your hypothesis: sometimes you're right, sometimes the results are inconclusive, and sometimes your hypothesis was wrong. You need to write that down, that's the conclusion part, and it's absolutely mandatory. You're not supposed to twist data to fit your hypothesis, or to purposefully keep your data analysis vague. This article has overall poorly analysed and interpreted data, quite an aggressive writing style (it drives its conclusion on repetitive statements more often than not), and the three comments (which by the way! function as peer reviews, since they are written by fellow academics) do a very good job of explaining its weak points further, so I suggest anyone who has some time to kill, give both the article and the comments a read, since it was actually pretty interesting, especially if you're currently a psych, med or sociology student, since it gives a very good practice on both how to spot the weak points in an article, and it can also be an exercise of what questions you should ask yourself as you read an article.

Overall, thanks for the evening read my dude, but if you're genuine about your interest in such studies, I suggest you check out those comments (the reason why articles are peer reviewed is so that dishonesty, purposeful or accidental flawed data interpretation, or personal biases can be spotted), and try to learn how to spot poorly made articles, since those aren't gonna be very helpful for any actual research.

( KIM HYOJONG. CIS MALE. ) Rumor has it that ( HU “JAE” SUNJAE ) has been spotted skulking around  New York City streets recently. ( HE ) is a ( 58 ) year old ( VAMPIRE. ) They have a good reputation for being ( POETIC & GENTLE, ) but have also been known to be rather ( EERIE & RECLUSIVE. ) They’re known for being the ( OUTCAST. )

y’all know the drill by now. jae is a special baby to me and he’s kinda hard to explain so i’mma do my best….ヽ(◕﹏◕)ﾉ

E A R L Y  L I F E .

sunjae was born to two adoring parents in a very small town in south korea. surrounded by forest and heavily wooded areas, the town’s population was as small as the homes themselves and everyone knew everyone. a community and a family.

as a child, jae would spend many summer days beside a small creek less than half a mile from his home, and always with his mother’s supervision or the supervision of another neighbouring parent. the forest was not something to fear, but rather a large playground filled with adventure and never ending exploration. however, this feeling left the small boy a little too comfortable with his surroundings and failed to instil the appropriate levels of caution for how dangerous wandering off alone could be.

the sun was beginning to set on another lovely summer’s day when jae’s mother turned her back for only a second, and a second was all that it took. jae was sure he had seen something in the trees, perhaps an animal or another child, and childlike curiosity had him following small glimpses that could just as easily have been the breeze bristling the trees.

by the time jae’s attention span ended, the little boy found himself in a part of the forest he did not recognise, and as he attempted to retrace his steps back towards his mother, he wound up getting himself lost deeper and deeper into the densely wooded miles that surrounded and engulfed his home.

every member of the town spent days upon days searching for the lost little boy, parents frantic as onlookers pitied the sight of their own nightmares coming true. no one could bear the loss of such a loved little boy, nor would they give up looking for him no matter how hopeless it seemed.

jae spent a total of six days and seven nights alone in the woods, hungry, bruised, battered, exhausted and petrified. it is unlikely he would have survived a single day longer, already sick from the “foods” he had attempted to forage from the forest itself, as well as the water he had drank from the creek each time their paths crossed.

more than the physical, jae’s experience had taken such a mental toll on the small boy that for weeks after he was stuck in his own head, seeing nothing but nightmares and creatures of the dark surrounding him. home did not look like home. his parents did not look like his parents. he did not speak a word, and he barely recognised a single one spoken to him. scared to death was no longer just a saying, but rather a reality to him. he knew the true meaning of such fear, and it felt like there was no recovering from such a thing.

months passed and his parents came to the haunting realisation that jae needed more help than they could provide. they did not have the funds nor the means to give their little boy the type of care he needed, nor could they fully understand what was going on in his head. it was with heartbreak and anguish that they decided to have jae sent to the states to live with his more affluent relatives there. his aunt, to be exact. from there he could see a myriad of psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists and more, trying desperately to rescue him from the dark depths of his own mind.

a little under a year after his initial disappearance, jae’s mind and memory went blank.

dissociative amnesia is the name of the condition he later came to learn. an illness rooted in the trauma he experienced, and his mind’s attempts and protecting itself whenever he felt triggered or unsafe. for hours, days, sometimes weeks at a time, jae would forget who he was, where he was from, and any other detail of his life. he would wander much like he did in the forest, dazed and confused and in need of constant supervision to keep him safe from harm.

this condition followed him into adulthood, though the episodes thankfully became fewer and further between as his mind matured enough to not see danger in the smallest of things.

what also followed him into teenagehood and then adulthood, was the stigma attached to the reclusive young boy who hardly ever spoke, never interacted with other children, and came with a rather... creepy vibe. he was the child in the neighbourhood that no parent wanted their own to befriend, warning them off of the boy before he even had a chance to form a connection. people could not understand his illness or the way he acted, and ignorance led them to be fearful of it instead.

jae became the boy that whispers followed, but who could turn a room to silence simply by entering. if a local pet went missing, his aunt’s door would be near bashed in with people accusing jae of playing a part -- in hurting the small creature. his anxieties were mistaken for much darker, dangerous motivations, and it seemed everyone and their momma knew how to diagnose a sociopath 101. it was as if the entire town was waiting for his face to be plastered across the newspapers as america’s newest serial killer.

but none of that was true.

jae was, and is, a gentle soul. whilst he maintained his ‘creepy’ vibes, lurking in the shadows and scribbling into his notebooks rather than socialising or making an effort to seem (for lack of a better word) normal, he also maintained his soft, sweet and childlike innocence. trapped in his head as a lost little boy, he hid away not out of a distaste for people, but rather a fear too many noises, too many colours, too many bodies and people. he grew to accept his role as the outcast, not even blinking an eye when he was used as the butt of every high school joke, prank or dare.

S U P E R N A T U R A L .

at the age of twenty-five, jae’s aunt had become too old to keep a constant watch over her now-adult nephew. when he would disappear for days at a time, she had to accept that this would forever be a part of their lives and that all she could do now was sit back and pray for his safe return.

this time, however, his return never came.

jae initially had stumbled into a pack of lycans. he was still human at the time, and he was entirely lost and clueless as to where or how he had met this group of people. when asked his name, he was unable to answer, and somewhere along the way he had lost, been scammed or robbed of any identification he may of had on his person. the pack’s leecher took him in for a few nights, aware that he would be a prime victim for the local vampires’ snacking desires. it didn’t seem as though anyone was looking for him or would worry after his disappearance, and perhaps this leecher was a little softer on this human than she should have been.

when he finally came to, remembering his identity and to whom he belonged, the kind leecher was nowhere in sight. fully intent on coming back to her after he had found a payphone to alert his aunt to his well-being, jae never reached his destination nor found his way back.

he doesn’t remember much of what happened, just pain and the scent of blood filling his senses and leaving him queasy. he was sure he would die that day, and in some ways he did.

coming to as a vampire was eerily similar to coming to from an episode, left trying to fill in the blanks of his memory and put together the pieces of his life. things had changed, no longer able to return to his home and to his aunt, yet somehow they still felt the same. he was still cursed to stay in the shadows, the be nothing but a silent threat that left a chill down every human’s spine, but now he actually was the monster they had all pegged him to be.

for years he has lived a solitary life, feeding on animals whenever possible and pushing his body to the extremes of starvation before feeding on a human.

if he could have his way, he would never feed again, but he’s learned from experience that pushing too far and going too long without indulging brings his mind back to a place where he cannot bear to let it go, and he will wake after a blackout with blood staining his lips and no memory of who it belongs to or where he has been.

T L ; D R .

lost boy grows up to be creepy outcast boy.

spends his life scribbling in his notebook, writing poems & composing songs.

gentle giant!!!!!!!

big time loner who is as scared of himself as he is everyone else at this point.

needs a hug but wouldn’t know how to accept one.

pls love. ty.

The Star: What are their hopes and dreams? What makes them feel uplifted? What do they become defensive about? Why?

Tarot Card Based Asks 〘𝓧〙 | Not Accepting | @starbrightbakura

What are their hopes and dreams?

Although Atem’s ambitions adapted a lot throughout the course of his prolonged life time, ultimately, Atem’s existence was driven by two primary aspirations. First and foremost, his  overall objective is to leave the world a better place than he was born into .

Atem was born into the lap of luxury and never mind a silver spoon, he had a gold one. His birthright as prince entitled him to inherit the crown to a kingdom, reign sovereign over its people, and draw profits off its vast riches & resources. Eulogized as the chosen one & living link between the gods and mortal men from the cradle, Atem was groomed to believe he wasn’t like the rest, but above them by both blood & divine right.

While this played a big part in the development of Atem’s fatal flaw — his insurmountable arrogance — it didn’t deter the flourishing of the true gold he possessed: his heart. Although Atem took a great deal of pride in his royal heritage, his kinship with the deities, and the history of his accomplished ancestors that built up their kingdom; he did not believe his life itself held more value or importance than anyone else’s.

More than social ladders or caste systems determined a person’s place, Atem felt character and integrity were deciding factors of one’s worth. Turning his head away from the teachings of his elders in what was decreed ‘youthful naivety,’ Atem’s heart led him to foster a nondiscriminatory sense of right & wrong and a moral code black & white as night & day. Abuse of authority, exploitation of others, corruption, bribery, coercion, physical abuse, & unequal treatment were all wrongs that made Atem’s blood boil.

To Atem, being ceded the crown was an honor in what he hoped to give his people, not get from them, and was equally a commitment as it was a privilege. His earliest ambitions were to eventually reign as a just, fair, and kind king much beloved by his people, just as father dearest had before him. Atem had been fed stories since boyhood of his Father’s legendary altruism and mighty heroic deeds as both war hero and peace-bringer, all of which Atem idealized and was inspired by to carry on that baton of greatness.

But those dreams were shattered abruptly when it was revealed to Atem his father was not what stories, statues, wall-carvings, or even his epitaph made him out to be. The crown passed down to him was not one promised to him of plated-gold, but rather, riddled with thorns of family secrets. With the boons of the throne, came the burdens of its misdeeds. 

His father had been greedy, selfish, cruel. Despite sharing equal claim to the throne, he’d hoarded the merits of his birthright and made way for rift and resentment to come between he and his adoring  twin brother. When war threatened to overcome their kingdom, rather than trusting it to the gods or vying for their protection, his father felt there was no better alternative than to turn to the dark forces to guard them from harm.

Atem’s uncle betrayed the gods and delved into the very spell book of darkness their family had been charged by the divine to protect. Lured by promise of power and vengeance against his brother, Aknadin paid the price of pools of innocent blood of their citizens, and forged golden trinkets that would grant power unlike any other.

Together, the combined wrongs of the brothers unleashed the deity of darkness.

The Millennium items had always been regarded as blessings bestowed upon them by the gods to pull through a perilous, war-torn time, but the whole time, the high court spoke lies to mask those forbidden objects of darkness and guise them as items of divine authority so to make off with using them as tools of extortion and tyrannical enforcement. The Pharaoh, who was meant to act in accordance with the just voice of the Goddess Ma’at, was now ruling a corrupt courtroom of chaos that crossed their deities and defied their principles. And the ignorant inheritor of that courtroom had been none other than Atem.

Atem’s motivations shifted. He became convinced that evil that ran in his veins, rather than the greatness he’d blindly believed. The luxuries his kingdom had acquired were not the hard-earned spoils of war or blessings bid to them by the gods they were lauded as, but the blossoming crops watered by innocent blood and betrayal too ungodly to admit.

And so, Atem became fixated: if his father had been evil, did that same evil permeate his blood? If it was not the citizens who were prone to wrong doing and in dire need of judgement and oversight, but those that ruled over and judged them, then surely he could not trust his own judgement. After all, his inheritance was only of vices, never virtues. 

But virtue was a choice, and Atem made it. When ominous clouds stirred and war began to brew, Atem turned to the gods and beseeched them for their aid. Despite the betrayal of his blood line, they chose and entrusted him to command their power. As a young boy his same age that called himself ‘the thief king’ made his family’s same mistakes in turning to the darkness to reign judgement on his foes rather than entrusting it to the gods, vice was a choice, and he made it. Atem knew this cycle of shadows had to be put to an end.

He’d dreamed to be a noble and kind king, and he would follow through with it. He’d feared being the weak link in the chain, but suddenly, he wished only to break away from it. If there was nothing to be proud of in being his father’s son, then he would be someone he could take pride in. To atone for his father’s mistakes, Atem paid in his own blood. He sacrificed his mortal body & butchered his soul, so to seal the dark one away; juxtapose to the actions of his uncle, who’d slayed innocents to summon him. Before parting the world, he settled the rift between father and uncle and entrusted the kingdom to his cousin.

To deviate from his legacy, Atem chose to leave none behind him. He entrusted his successor, Seto, with removing his name from every crypt wall, smashing every single statue, and ensuring he be remembered only as the ‘nameless pharaoh.’ For Atem did not want to be remembered for the great that he was; but the great he had done. To showcase his resolve, he shattered the millennium puzzle, the symbol of his father’s kingship.

Atem gave his all to do good, but in the end, saving the world couldn’t satisfy him.

Deep down, the war Atem yearned to resolve was one within himself. However tranquil he might’ve left the world, inside him, inner peace had yet to be found. Atem’s place in the world had always been predetermined by a higher power or factors outside his control, whether as a king or puzzle-bound spirit. An ambition he acquires after sating his first is a place to belong. For once, not somewhere he’s meant to be; but somewhere he chooses. Furthermore, not who he has to be; but who he chooses. 

For Atem never wanted to fight & die alone; oh, how he wishes for friends.

What makes them feel uplifted?

Any sliver or shape of a reminder whatsoever he is not alone.

Blatant and spontaneous displays of unwavering loyalty; “I’m here for you,” are the most revitalizing words an ally could offer him. Subtle gestures, such as a slight squeeze to either his hand or shoulder, speak volumes with Atem. Oaths run deep for him, and tying words such as ‘I swear’ or ‘I promise’ comfort him, especially when coupled with ‘to remain by your side’ or ‘to love you no matter what.’ Sentimental gestures made to prove a bond, such as Anzu’s marker smiley or matching accessories, are precious to Atem.

What do they become defensive about? Why?

Having his persona (particularly his pride) criticized, having his judgement challenged, or being defined by his past. This is somewhat due to the fact Atem is condemnatory of what he perceives as disapproval coming from a companion. However, for the most part, it’s because  Atem would rather be taken as he is and as he does than for what he is and what he’s done. He does not feel his mistakes define him, only teach him who he’s not. 

Above all else, Atem becomes defensive when criticized. 

Atem knows that he has weaknesses & flaws. On the battle field, enemies will pick them apart and scavenge for a soft spot in his heart that might cave with pressure. Rather than running from one’s weaknesses, Atem believes it is better to face them head on and accept oneself and those flaws. In Atem’s mind, a flaw only holds someone back if they let it, and choose to view it as a setback rather than a fundamental part of who they are.

For Atem, an ally should not be the one to pinpoint his imperfections. They should be the rare few that accept them, and rather than trying to fix him, embrace them. As far as Atem sees it, criticizing a friend’s flaws is advising a book be rewritten, because there’s too many bad parts. More powerful than criticism is support, because things will get better in future chapters, if only the reader is willing to stick it out until the end.

What comes second, is the subject of judgement. 

Once again, Atem is not perfect. His pride does not indicate his overconfidence in his strengths, but his content in his weaknesses. Atem trusts his judgement and relies on his instincts to navigate his environment and make decisions. He understands and accepts that his judgement is equally as faulty and capable of becoming clouded as anybody else’s, but does not believe that mistakes made in judgement on his part should cause him to question or abandon his intuition altogether. Atem believes wrong calls are an essential part of calibrating one’s judgement and sharpening it for future reference. 

Last but not least, his past.

As with all else, Atem knows his past is not without its faults; but he believes his past is a pivotal part in his identity and a vitality for the realization of his present and his future. And if he is worth anything now, or if he will be worth anything in a hundred years, then he was worth something then, even should he have made some shameful mistakes. 

Every good story needs its beginning, even if it’s rough. The first few pages do not dictate the outcome of the final ones, and a book shouldn’t be judged for its initial chapters. Atem is someone who takes people as they are, not as they’ve been; and expects the same in return. The past is just another aspect of oneself, best accepted than ostracized. 

Learning from Death

July hit my family like a storm. We experienced some highs and some major lows. We lost my Aunt in early July. She had been sick for a while, in and out of the hospital, but we were hopeful that she would recover. God however had other plans. Shortly after, my 105-year old Grandmother broke her pelvic bone and was hospitalized. Emotions were high as everyone prayed for her recovery - she is such a fighter (and thankfully returned home just yesterday). A few weeks later, we came together in strength and good spirits to celebrate a close family wedding. The wedding was the uplift our family needed but it didn’t last long. 10 days after the wedding, we lost my cousin. His death was completely unexpected and it shook us all to the core. He was young and had so much life to live. He was such a jolly, loving, hard working, honest and joy-filled member of our family. He had such a pure heart. It’s still so hard to believe that he’s actually gone. Nobody saw it coming. Hours before he left us, he was visiting with family members and chatting with neighbours - just being his lively, welcoming self. We are in a state of shock and dismay. His death came so suddenly, like waking up to an earthquake. It feels as though we are living in a mental blur, still trying to piece together what happened. 

Throughout this emotionally difficult time, I’ve been reflecting on life and death, perhaps as part of my own personal grieving process. I keep asking myself what I can learn from the tragic losses my family has recently faced. The thing is that death is guaranteed to become a reality for every single one of us. No one is protected from death - neither young nor old. We are powerless against it. Yet, we tend to forget this truth, as we get caught up in the many “distractions” of life, spending our living days without that ticking clock in mind. I’m not saying we should live every waking moment in constant fear and anticipation of death. It’s not about fear of death but rather, acceptance. If we deeply accept and internalize that our time will come and we have no control over when that day will be, perhaps that will ignite and awaken us to use the time we’ve been given towards the absolute best possibilities. As I reflect on the many thoughts and emotions running through me over the past several weeks, I think about the raw learnings that I have. I hope you too will sincerely contemplate what these learnings mean for you and how you’re approaching your life. No one has it all figured out. We are all works in progress, taking it one day at a time. But the more we keep this stuff top of mind, the better our chances are of living life fully, without regrets. 

We all have an expiry date

Just like a carton of milk, we all have an expiry date. Life is so short and temporary - this means 2 things:

1) Stop sweating the small stuff. Let things go. Don’t find reasons to complain about things that in the grand scheme don’t matter. Adopt a big picture mindset. When you find yourself getting upset about someone or something, try to pause, zoom out and ask yourself if this issue that is bothering you right now will even matter in a year, a month or a week from now. Chances are it won’t. Awareness of the ego mind (the thing that’s constantly on and causing all that noise in your head) and disidentifying from it will help with this. How? Because the things we stress about always stem from a place of ego. Ego being anything that isn’t your true self (you are an infinite soul - not a body/human). So anything that comes from a place of identification with or attachment to your body, the story of YOU or any material form = ego. When you find yourself getting upset ask who is upset - you (infinite soul) or that sensitive ego that constantly feels the need to protect/defend itself? Just smile, breathe, pause, surrender, laugh, accept, look for the silver lining - LET IT GO. Easier said than done, I know. But we need to keep working on this. Conquering the mind is the true purpose of life. But why should we care? Because the most tragic way to live (and then die) is lost in the confines of your ego-driven mind (negativity, drama, scarcity mindset, lost in materialism/attachments/superficial things, etc). If you operate from a place of higher consciousness (big picture mindset) with a perspective of oneness, abundance and connectedness with everyone around you, you align with the Universe, experiencing a state of bliss/joy/nirvana. In other words, the most beautiful life possible - peace of mind, inner contentment and joy - is within reach if you want it.

2) How you spend your time is super important. We all have an expiry date so that means our time is very limited and precious. Do you want to spend that time operating from a place of fear or a place of love? Something changes in us from childhood to adulthood. We put up our guards, parts of us harden into clay, we adopt the belief of “other-ness” and we all become extremely “busy”. How do we return to that child-like quality of being open, curious and loving towards one another? Think of a small child smiling at you with the most loving gaze. You used to be that child. What happened? Be kinder than is necessary. See the ONE in everyone. Bring love and positivity into every interaction, whether with a loved one or a complete stranger. How differently would you show up if every person you interact with today was going to die tomorrow? Seems morbid to think this way but it could be a reality, for them or for you. Don’t hold back on telling people you love them. Express it. Replace your ego with honesty. Much better to be overflowing with love and expression than pained with the regret of restrained and bottled emotions. Push thru the uncomfortableness. Think about the people in your life who you cannot imagine living without. Make an intentional decision to prioritize spending more quality time with them, especially your parents, siblings and grandparents. Everyone is too busy, pick up the phone, plan that potluck, take your Mom out for a nice meal or to see a movie, get the friends or fam together for a weekend getaway. Don’t wait for them to call or text you - take the initiative. Love only attracts love. Reach out and start a chain reaction. Just do it. You will not regret it. Again, you do not have infinite time. None of us do. At some point, time will be up.

Cherish your family

Growing up in a big, tight-knit, loving family has been one of my greatest joys in life. When I’m surrounded by my large and lively family, I feel like I’m home. This past month, I realized the power and strength of family to an extent I had not before experienced. The tragic losses we faced have reinforced our greatest blessing - each other. We are incredibly lucky to have a family that is so close and connected. Everyone has come together in such a loving way to give each other strength in these difficult times. Every obligation and priority was dropped to gather on a daily basis to spread love, run errands, make meals, grieve and reminisce, cry and laugh and instill faith and strength. We made sure that my cousin’s house was full of family, love and community - and we will continue to do that. I love that our idea of a low-key family dinner is 70 people (no joke) showing up to make a meal and eat together. My heart is so full just thinking about how much I love my family and how they have given me so many reasons to love deeper and to feel deeply loved throughout the past month. Perhaps that’s also why the loss of my Aunt and cousin has been so difficult for us because family truly is everything for us. Family is precious and you realize just how precious when you lose a family member. And family doesn’t have to be based on blood lines. Family is anyone who feels like home for you. Look out for one another. If you know someone is struggling, check in on them and remind them they are not alone. Hug and kiss your loved ones. Tell them you love them.  Even if that’s not something you grew up doing, start doing it. Even if it’s awkward or “corny” or not “macho” just do it. No harm was ever created through more love and affection.

Remember who you really are

Beyond the flesh, the body, the hair and the story of you, exists a content, infinite and powerful energy - your soul. That is who you are. We forget this once we adopt a body and personality, among other attachments and identifications. This is a core spiritual belief of mine but witnessing the lifeless body of my cousin made it all come home for me. As I stared through heavy tears at his body, and touched his ice cold forehead, I realized it looked like him but the thing that made him HIM, the thing that gave him life, and enabled him to see, talk, hear, touch, walk, love and laugh - that thing was gone - it had left the body. That “thing” is the soul - the infinite, energetic life force that “turns on the lights” inside our flesh and bone-filled bodies. The love and attachment we have with a loved one’s personality and character and all their quirks and “isms” are all powered by the soul, not the body. It’s interesting how once someone dies, everyone begins to refer to them as “the body” rather than by name. Because the name/personality/identity is gone. The body dies but the soul never dies. And yet, ironically, while we’re alive, we’re so attached to and identified and obsessed with the body - both ours and others. Looking at a dead body makes you realize how misguided we are. It’s the soul we should be connecting with. That’s the truth of who we are, not the body. So, when someone dies, where does the soul go? It just flows from one body/form (vehicle) to another or becomes liberated in the omnipresent source of all life. Knowing this gives me some internal peace. May my Aunt and my cousin’s souls rest in love, light and peace.

Respect and take care of your body. Enjoy it. It’s the only one you have for the duration of your human journey. But don’t just get lost in the toning and adornment of the body. Go deeper. Look inside yourself and connect with that energy that allows you to actually be alive, literally makes you alive. I strongly recommend reading A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle and Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer. These books have helped me connect more deeply with my soul. And it’s a commitment to stay connected because the world has many outward-driven distractions. Staying aware of the truth of ourselves will help us build a stronger and more loving relationship with ourselves and with others. And perhaps most importantly, it will give us a broader perspective on life and death, enabling us to develop acceptance (rather than fear) of our inevitable (unknown) expiry date.

In sum…..

Love deeper

Be kinder than is necessary

Live more fully - embrace adventure and spontaneity 

Stop taking everything so seriously - stop taking yourself so seriously 

Tell them you love them - push thru the hesitation

Intentionally make more time for family and friends 

Open your heart to seeing the best in others - drop the judgment

See the ONE in everyone

Work hard with passion, enthusiasm and gratitude 

Know your truth, connect with your soul - it will set you free

<3

Knee2

A Threat To The Free Press

Make no mistake, this not just about Assange or Wikileaks—this is a threat to all journalism, and the public interest. The press stands in place of the public in holding the government accountable, and the Assange charges threaten that critical role. The charges threaten reporters who communicate with and knowingly obtain information of public interest from sources and whistleblowers, or publish that information, by sending a clear signal that they can be charged with spying simply for doing their jobs. And they threaten everyone seeking to educate the public about the operation of government and expose government wrongdoing, whether or not they are professional journalists.

Assistant Attorney General John Demers, head of the Department of Justice’s National Security Division, told reporters after the indictment that the department “takes seriously the role of journalists in our democracy and we thank you for it,” and that it’s not the government’s policy to target them for reporting. But it’s difficult to separate the Assange indictment from President Trump’s repeated attacks on the press, including his declarations on Twitter, at White House briefings, and in interviews that the press is “the enemy of the people,” “dishonest,” “out of control,” and “fake news.” Demers’ statement was very narrow—disavowing the “targeting” of journalists, but not the prosecution of them as part of targeting their sources. And contrary to the DOJ’s public statements, the actual text of the Assange Indictment sets a dangerous precedent; by the same reasoning it asserts here, the administration could turn its fervent anti-press sentiments into charges against any other media organization it disfavors for engaging in routine journalistic practices.

Most dangerously, the indictment contends that anyone who “counsels, commands, induces” (under 18 USC §2, for aiding and abetting) a source to obtain or attempt to obtain classified information violates the Espionage Act, 18 USC § 793(b). Under the language of the statute, this includes literally “anything connected with the national defense,” so long as there is an “intent or reason to believe that the information is to be used to the injury of the United States, or to the advantage of any foreign nation.” The indictment relies heavily and repeatedly on allegations that Assange “encouraged” his sources to leak documents to Wikileaks, even though he knew that the documents contained national security information.

But encouraging sources and knowingly receiving documents containing classified information are standard journalistic practices, especially among national security reporters. Neither law nor custom has ever required a journalist to be a purely passive, unexpected, or unknowing recipient of a leaked document. And the U.S. government has regularly maintained, in EFF’s own cases and elsewhere, that virtually any release of classified information injures the United States and advantages foreign nations.

The DOJ indictment thus raises questions about what specific acts of “encouragement” the department believes cross the bright line between First Amendment protected newsgathering and crime. If a journalist, like then-candidate Trump, had said: "Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the [classified] emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press," would that be a chargeable crime?

The DOJ Does Not Decide What Is And Isn’t Journalism

Demers said Assange was “no journalist,” perhaps to justify the DOJ’s decision to charge Assange and show that it is not targeting the press. But it is not the DOJ’s role to determine who is or is not a “journalist,” and courts have consistently found that what makes something journalism is the function of the work, not the character of the person. As the Second Circuit once wrote in a case about the reporters’ privilege, the question is whether they intended to “use material—sought, gathered, or received—to disseminate information to the public.” No government label or approval is necessary, nor is any job title or formal affiliation. Rather than justifying the indictment, Demers’ non-sequitur appears aimed at distracting from the reality of it.

Moreover, Demers’ statement is as dangerous as it is irrelevant. None of the elements of the 18 statutory charges (Assange is also facing a charge under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act) require a determination that Assange is not a journalist. Instead, the charges broadly describe journalism–seeking, gathering and receiving information for dissemination to the public, and then publishing that information–as unlawful espionage when it involves classified information.

Of course news organizations routinely publish classified information. This is not considered unusual, nor (previously) illegal. When the government went to the Supreme Court to stop the publication of the classified Pentagon Papers, the Supreme Court refused (though it did not reach the question of whether the Espionage Act could constitutionally be charged against the publishers). Justice Hugo Black, concurring in the judgment, explained why:

In the First Amendment, the Founding Fathers gave the free press the protection it must have to fulfill its essential role in our democracy. The press was to serve the governed, not the governors. The Government's power to censor the press was abolished so that the press would remain forever free to censure the Government. The press was protected so that it could bare the secrets of government and inform the people. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government. And paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people and sending them off to distant lands to die of foreign fevers and foreign shot and shell.

Despite this precedent and American tradition, three of the DOJ charges against Assange specifically focus solely on the purported crime of publication. These three charges are for Wikileaks’ publication of the State Department cables and the Significant Activity Reports (war logs) for Iraq and Afghanistan, documents which were also published in Der Spiegel, The Guardian, The New York Times, Al Jazeera, and Le Monde, and republished by many other news media.

For these charges, the government included allegations that Assange failed to properly redact, and thereby endangered sources. This may be another attempt to make a distinction between Wikileaks and other publishers, and perhaps to tarnish Assange along the way. Yet this is not a distinction that makes a difference, as sometimes the media may need to provide unredacted data. For example, in 2017 the New York Times published the name of a CIA official who was behind the CIA program to use drones to kill high-ranking militants, explaining “that the American public has a right to know who is making life-or-death decisions in its name.”

While one can certainly criticize the press’ publication of sensitive data, including identities of sources or covert officials, especially if that leads to harm, this does not mean the government must have the power to decide what can be published, or to criminalize publication that does not first get the approval of a government censor. The Supreme Court has justly held the government to a very high standard for abridging the ability of the press to publish, limited to exceptional circumstances like “publication of the sailing dates of transports or the number and location of troops” during wartime.

A Threat to Free Speech

In a broader context, the indictment challenges a fundamental principle of free speech: that a person has a strong First Amendment right to disseminate truthful information pertaining to matters of public interest, including in situations in which the person’s source obtained the information illegally. In Bartnicki v. Vopper, the Supreme Court affirmed this, explaining: “it would be quite remarkable to hold that speech by a law-abiding possessor of information can be suppressed in order to deter conduct by a non-law-abiding third party. ... [A] stranger's illegal conduct does not suffice to remove the First Amendment shield from speech about a matter of public concern.”

While Bartnicki involved an unknown source who anonymously left an illegal recording with Bartnicki, later courts have acknowledged that the rule applies, and perhaps even more strongly, to recipients who knowingly and willfully received material from sources, even when they know the source obtained it illegally. In one such case, the court rejected a claim that the willing acceptance of such material could sustain a charge of conspiracy between the publisher and her source.

Regardless of what one thinks of Assange’s personal behavior, the indictment itself will inevitably have a chilling effect on critical national security journalism, and the dissemination in the public interest of available information that the government would prefer to hide. There can be no doubt now that the Assange indictment is an attack on the freedoms of speech and the press, and it must not stand.

WELCOME ALLIE, YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF NATASSIA PRINCE

Admins Note: A tough choice to make but I must say your application embodies so much of the Natassia that I see. From her sense of self identity to her motivations, it’s all so cohesive. The origins of her birth are nicely crafted! Seeing how much money she’s spent and the accumulation of possible debt she’ll owe was another nice touch to Natassia’s character. Seeing her interaction with Cassiel and Maxima really amplified her presence. Your request to use Ni Ni has been approved. Congratulations on your acceptance again, please make sure to head your way to the checklist and submit your account within the next 24 hours!

Out of Character

Name / Alias: Allie Pronouns: She/Her Age: 23 Timezone: CST

In Character Application

Full Name: Natassia Li Prince

NATASSIA (na-tas-sia) – Natassia derives from Greece meaning “born at Christmas”. Sadly the meaning really has nothing to do with the reason behind why she was named Natassia, especially since she was, in fact, not born at Christmas. There is no grand meaning behind the reason her parents chose the name. Really, Natassia was a last minute pick since they couldn’t settle on anything else. It once belonged to a relative on her pure side of the family, thankfully. Someone from the distant past she never made and whose stories aren’t ever told and yet now they were her namesake. She would make this name her own, after all the Princes never had a half-blood in their line before.

LI (lee) – If her mother had her way, Natassia’s name would have been Jia Li, a name meaning “pretty, beautiful” in Chinese. Instead, her parents settled for a completely different name, and kept Li for her middle name. Really, she hasn’t revealed her middle name in such a long time. Few know it, even fewer dare call her by her full name. Her middle name is just something she wouldn’t mind leaving out as it’s just a reminder of her mother’s Muggle-ness.

PRINCE (PRINS) – Her surname is the name that she says with pride. Prince has a meaning of royalty, really meaning “royal son, first, prince”. The origin goes back to Old English and it’s something that she prides herself with. Prince holds the name of a pureblood family that her father belongs to, and even with that being her surname, she still fights to be part of. The Prince family may not turn their backs after her father came crawling back with three year old Natassia in tow but they certainly didn’t hold their disapproval of their half-blood granddaughter.

Sexuality: Bisexual Gender/Pronouns: Cisfemale & she/her Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Head canons:

A FAMILY’S DISGRACE – Pure. That’s all you ever wanted to be. But with your father’s disgrace leading your family down a path you had no choice to be on, pure was just a grasp away. And the woman that was responsible, a muggle of all people, disappeared into the night on your third birthday. Not that you cared. You should have thought yourself lucky when your father’s family, the best side of you, never turned their backs on your father, letting him keep the claim of pure without acknowledging that short term relationship. However, damage was done because you were a product of your father’s horrendous actions leaving you to deal with ugly names and disappointing glances from not only strangers but the very people meant to be family. Your father didn’t put a stop to any of it but rather dotted you with gifts, something you grew to demand as you grew older. Even then, you might look the part of a pureblood doll, you can never forget that you aren’t one. You will pave your path and take everything that belongs to you. That you deserve.

PIGFARTS PIGFARTS HERE I COME – You never felt nervous about what house you belong to in Hogwarts. After all, there was only one that you would even consider being respectable. Gryffindors were full of overzealous fools, Hufflepuffs spend too much time building world peace. Ravenclaw wouldn’t have been the worst choice, possibly the second best, however you weren’t too keen on the idea of being surrounded by people who think they can outwit you. No, no. You had no doubt that you belonged in Slytherin and when the hat confirmed what you already knew, you just felt validated. However, even there you find yourself being forced to prove that you belong. So you did, you continue to do. You go after what you want, even if that means the hard glares or loud whispers. It’s not like you haven’t dealt with those before and you never let that stop you.

A STORY OF LOVE LOST AND LOVE FOUND – That’s what this is; a story. Something that one day you will look back on and smile as you are seated next to the one your heart belongs to. Perhaps things might have been different if you were pure and you are too aware of the obstacles placed in front of you but none of them matters as long as you have Cassiel. The secret glances, the hidden touches were just the beginning of what you would do for him. You will fight for him and you truly believe that it’s the same for him. You tried to keep the relationship secret, on his behalf of course, but eventually she found out. You were never a big fan of Rosier. After all, she had everything handed to her. Never worked an ounce in her life to be given the treatment that you deserve. And now she also has his hand in marriage which adds to the list of reasons why the sound of her name fills your with anger – no, no, not anger – resentment. You didn’t exactly mean for her to find out the love you have for Cassiel but it’s in the open now. Even though the affair was brought to her attention, you aren’t backing away from him. After all, she doesn’t deserve him, and you are the one who loves him. Part of you almost feels bad but then you remember that she has everything that you desire and that moment quickly passes. Things will work out, this is something you truly believe.

BEAUTY LIES IN HER EYES AND IT’S EXPENSIVE – The gifts your father gave you in order to make up for the life you will never have gave you an ounce hope. Hope one day you really will be the pureblood you need to become. The gifts were a way for you to look the part you desire. But they would never be enough. You crave for more than just some plain pair of earrings, no, no. You need more than just that and that consumed you. Sure, some may say that you have a spending problem but really don’t you deserve the very best? What you didn’t think was the amount you spend on a daily would start to eat away at your inheritance. This problem would have appeared much sooner if you didn’t request your father to setup your inheritance after you spoke of traveling, you might have been out of money in two days. As of now, you aren’t too worried about what’s left in your vault. That is, you aren’t even aware of how much you have. If you do encounter a problem, a letter home to father dearest may turn that around. After all, you are his little girl and heruined the life you were destined to have with such a small mishap.

PATRONUS vs. BOGGART – Your deepest fear and your greatest memory. Both send you chills down your back but for very different reasons. Your boggart is clear as day when you become face to face with it. You see yourself with nothing, not even a name to claim – failure written on your face. It is clear to you that the boggart you doesn’t belong anywhere, with nobody. Loneliness consumes the boggart you before you can vanish it away. This fear can manifest itself outside of the boggart with nightmares of the one you care most leaving you behind, spitting out harmful words that you would not have cared if it came from anyone else. In your nightmares, even he hurts you. But you wake up and realize that was a dream. And dreams don’t become reality. Your favorite memory also involves Cassiel, but in a better light, one filled with reality. The first time they met, in secret that is. The shared smiles throughout the night and forbidden hands running down your side sending shivers down your back. This memory was never topped, really it was just repeated.

WELCOME TO AMERICA – Leaving behind Great Britain was something that you considered doing for quite a long time. You don’t feel bad about leaving behind your family, not even your little cousins. After all, you were never truly part of this family were you? Your father tried, sure, but his silence when words of disgrace were being spoken was enough for you to realize that you weren’t going to be enough. Gifts can only go so far. You needed some air, a place where you can truly belong and staying in Great Britain was hindering that. There were too many memories, too many doubts of who you are and you were tired of that. A fresh start somewhere else, anywhere else had to do you some good. Sure, this might not be your father’s favorite idea of you being so far from home but throwing aside family was what your family does best. Instead, he gave you money, an allowance really, to help you get to America, to settle. It almost felt like he was begging you to remember him, remember to write. Something that you haven’t done since your feet landed in new soil. Perhaps one day you’ll return, but not until you have everything that you desire, not until you have the guy.

WORDS HURT – You keep a brave face on even after a dinner with your family as your grandfather goes on and on about how you will be attending Hogwarts soon, how you should keep your blood a secret. After all, a half-blood Prince was not a good look for this family and if you are going to stay, then you must play pretend. You keep a brave face on even when your grandmother mentions that no matter how hard you pretend, you will still be part Muggle. No matter how much magic you learn, no matter how much you act, you won’t be worthy of the Prince name. You keep a brave face on even when your dorm mate discovers a letter written to you from your father, one that reveals the heritage that you promised to keep secret. He wrote to you out of concern but he was the one to put you in flames. You keep a brave face on as whispers are woven throughout the halls, inside the classrooms. Dirty blood is something you just snicker at, they don’t see the word pounding inside your head as your face never falters. You ignore the names, the words, the judgement because you know that everything they have said will never hurt you for you will prove them all wrong. All the while, you keep a brave face on. Until you make it home. Until you make your room soundproof. Until you know you are truly alone. Then you scream. You scream and you scream and you scream until you can’t scream anymore. Then, you put your brave face back on and reapply your lipstick. Not a hair out of place. You won’t let them hear your screams, you won’t let them see their words scribbled on parchment paper over and over again as a way to get it all out of your system. No one will ever see that weakness, no one will see the pain you hide.

In Character Paragraph:

What can she say? She looks damn good in her new dress. The skirt came just an inch below her knees, a little higher than normal but what can she say? She does enjoy the attention she gains when heads turn to look at her, but there is one person’s eyes that she is looking for. Lips in the deepest shade of scarlet she had, eyes layered with eyeliner in order to appear much darker. Her appearance had to be perfect with where she planned on heading that night, with who she planned on seeing. It didn’t matter that he might be there with another woman, that was just a slight setback. If anything, at least she’ll be the one catching his eye.

Natassia took one last look at herself in the mirror, making sure that not a single hair was out of place, a hand smoothing down her dress. Let eyes turn her way, let whispers of want escape the lips of men she will never look at twice. All of that will just reassure her that she’s bound to be the best looking in the club. And with those last looks, Natassia grabbed her fur coat and headed out the door.

The walk towards the club was a short one and if the night was cooler, she might have just apparated there. Thankfully, the club was strictly for witches and wizards, if they allowed unworthy of being around people far greater than themselves in there, she would just have to stop going. Luckily that was not happening anytime soon.

She got to the door, knocked twice before a goblin appeared at the window. With a grunt, he spoke, “ Password. ”

Ah yes, another good thing about this place. She loved the secrecy, the exclusion that this underground club commanded. Password changes every day but if you know the right people, you know the right words.

“ Nebulus. ”

Another grunt and the doors open and music fills her ears. She steps into the foyer as the room grows much larger than it looks on the outside. Magic really does such wonderful things. Natassia finds herself grabbing a glass of champagne as soon as she spotted an elf in handing them out and took a sip as her eyes scour the room looking for one particular person.

He shouldn’t be too hard to find. After all, even in a room of thousands, she will always find him. And as she was moving through the crowd, she spots the only one who matters and her. It was a bit disappointing to see the dutiful wife in his arms. If only little Rosier knew what she knew but no, Natassia will not do that to Cassiel. She’s not going to be the reason his wife discovers what they do when her back is turned. It’s almost a bit sad, after all, the poor thing doesn’t exactly deserve this. Really, Maxima Rosier doesn’t deserve anything that was just given to her but she didn’t come to this club to curse the girl’s name tonight. She came for him and she’ll be damn if she doesn’t catch his attention.

Natassia set the empty glass down. There was no backing down. She moved closer to closer to the lovely couple, accidentally bumping into Maxima causing her drink to spill. Collateral damage, that’s what the drink was. That’s what she is and Natassia has to remember that.

“ Oh! I’m so sorry dear. Forgive me. Here, let me clean you up! ” Sugary sweet, that’s what she had to be, in order to avoid suspicion. As she looks at the younger girl again, Natassia wonders just how much out there that the poor thing doesn’t know.

Natassia quickly pulled out her wand, pointed at the dear’s dress before stating the simple spell, “ Scourgify. ” Once she was satisfied that everything was clear, Natassia glanced over the couple before letting out an exclamation, “ Cassiel Lestrange? It’s so good to see you again! ” She turned to look between the two of them, taking note of Maxima’s confused look. “ We are very old friends back when we were still at Hogwarts. I’m Natassia Prince and you must be his lovely wife, Maxima. ”

She extends her hand with a smile as the other took it, meeting that smile. “ We will have to catch up soon Cassiel, and of course, I would love to get to you know better, Maxima. ” No, no she wouldn’t. But she plastered that smile on like her life depended on it. “I shall leave the two of you alone. I hope you have a wonderful time here! It really was nice meeting you Maxima. ” A wave goodbye and a smile in Cassiel’s direction before she slipped away, heart pounding. Maybe meeting her was too much, hurt more than she thought it would. But she won’t show that. Not today. Not ever.

Natassia wondered if the girl notice the fact that her smile towards Cassiel lingered? Did she see beyond the tumble as a stunt to let Cassiel know she was there? Did she see Natassia glance over her shoulder and her husband do the same? If not, than she didn’t notice their eyes met, the nod given to her as though it was a promise to get away later. There is too much that poor Rosier didn’t see and yet Rosier was still on top. After all, Maxima was the one with her love, the one standing next to them as he orders their drinks. The one who can share more than just stolen glances. The one who has everything she wants. One day, she’ll step into her shoes. One day all of this will be hers. One day their love will prevail.

Extras: PINTEREST.

Why “David Bowie is god”

As my site turns one year old today, which is also David Bowie’s birthday, I thought I’d try to begin to explain the importance David Bowie has in my personal life and the effect he had, continues to have, on my career.

Childhood influence

My parents had fairly different musical tastes but the one major thing that overlapped was they were both David Bowie fans. My mom was also a Jim Henson fan so I grew up watching Labyrinth with her. I remember it was out of print for a long time and I was the only kid in the neighborhood with a copy that had been taped off of HBO. As a kid I remember being in love with Jareth’s hair itself, asking Mom if I could make my hair do that one day. She replied “Sweetie, that’s a wig, not his real hair” and it was the dream-shattering equivalent of learning that there was no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy all rolled up into one. As a goth teenager I really got into his freaky Ziggy era, finding the idea of being an alien heavily relatable. And when I discovered BowieNet when I was 17, to my surprise my parents agreed to pay my annual subscription... It was $70. I think most parents would be like “Your message board fanclub costs how much? HAH! No.” I won’t go into grave detail of my BowieNet life here, because I could write an entire book, but I’ll summarize it. It began in 1996, and behind the pay wall was lots of exclusive bonus content, access to concert presales and bnet-only events, exclusive chatroom Q&As, and a very active message board. This was before Twitter, before Instagram, before Myspace, definitely before Facebook. David Bowie basically created social media as the everyday form we recognize today. He didn’t post all the time but I would still consider him very active on the message board, for a busy top tier celebrity. His username was “sailor” although there were always whispers about his other secret accounts that he used for trolling. So he basically invented trolling, too. The community itself was close, there were always local meetups and many members would travel internationally to see their closest bnet friends, eventually including myself. I joined this community when I was still in high school and 17 years later I am still close to the friends I made back then. These people are my family, and they vary from all nations, all walks of life, all classes, all ages... The first time I met any of them was at my first ever Bowie concert and that itself was a bnet members-only show to launch the Reality tour, which was eventually known as his last tour. This pivotal moment in my life occurred on August 19th 2003 at the The Chance Theater in Poughkeepsie NY. It was a small general admission venue, arguably a dive compared to the arenas he would play on the rest of the Reality tour. I was 18 years old and was in the process of moving to Chicago for art school. It was surreal to be seeing my first Bowie concert in a GA venue, and yet I knew 80% of the audience. David Bowie himself knew 100% of the audience, and you can hear him speaking to specific people in the bootlegs. I knew more people in the audience than I knew in my high school of 60 kids. A bunch of us were waiting at the venue early enough to catch him coming out to say hello while they were doing soundcheck. I didn’t get anything signed because all the members he knew by name were up in the very front of the group, as it should be. But I could still observe him from afar. He was dressed simply in a crisp white tshirt and white jeans, so the bright summer sunshine gave him a literally radiant, angelic glow. I’ll never forget his slinky catlike walk, and I’ve since never witnessed a creature with more grace.

Lessons I learned from Him

Freakflag began when my last salon closed, suddenly, due to #Austinproblems. As a fantasy color specialist, what I do is so specialized that not many places are going to do it well. The most stable environment for it, on short notice, is a mini salon.  As a hairstylist, this makes sense.  As an artist, this was (still is) terrifying.  I have literally painted myself into a corner where I am my own microcosm, a terrarium of rare creatures emerging covered in sunset locks and lavender hairdust...  None of this would have been possible without David Bowie. I very sincerely celebrate him as a god of my profession. For I am a witch and my profession is transformation magic. In many ways it is the magic of one’s true form, their true Identity. For example, I have many transgender clients who visit me in the early stages of their personal transformation. Sometimes they know what they want but a lot of times they don’t. I accept this task with great reverence for the importance of what I’m being asked to do. If they are not completely comfortable with the hair I’ve given them, it’s more than “a bad haircut will grow out if you don’t like it” - it can shape their confidence and that shapes the way people treat them. David Bowie is the Patron Saint of No Labels & Don’t Tell Me What To Do. The Patron Saint of the Gender Fluid & the Non-Binary. His iconic Ziggy Stardust mullet is the perfect example as to why I don’t attribute gender to my haircuts. Tell me, is a Ziggy mullet a men’s haircut or a women’s haircut? The answer is Yes. He taught me you can walk around with no eyebrows, a pale skeletal alien, and still feel your oats. It doesn’t matter if people “get it” because you “get it.” And you are the only person that really needs to “get it.” This is the lesson of aesthetic integrity. He taught me the importance of artistic integrity. At times he was a starving artist that created beautiful, profound things that no one quite understood or appreciated. But eventually he had a period of being a sellout that pandered to the crowd; it made him so sick of China Girl that he didn’t play it live for years after. I think it’s the period after this, from the 90s onward, where he found his true creative power. He knew he could achieve either end of the spectrum and balanced on that line thereafter. Blackstar being his best achievement in this regard. He taught me you can find your truest love later in life. Many goths say they aspire to a love like Morticia & Gomez, but I aspire to a love like Iman & David. Theirs is a real life love story that endured, and it didn’t happen overnight, she made him work for it! This is the big one... He saved me from flirting with suicide. I could write a lot about this too but I won’t right now. Here are the broadest strokes: As a sensitive, emotionally neglected, eccentric teenager I listened to a lot of angry music; Punk, Goth, Industrial, etc. The summer of age 16 was a tough one, I had been kicked out of one parent’s house and the other one completely left me to my own devices... So when I began flirting with self harm, the only person that noticed and snapped me out of it was a close school friend whom I will always consider a brother. This was about the time I discovered Bowie’s glamorous Ziggy era and it was the first thing that showed me “Truth, Goodness & Beauty” in my darkest hour. He showed me that being a great artist took time to cultivate your skills and not only would suicide mean I was achieving nothing, but self harm was a weakness that would eventually fester and I had to nip it in the bud. Bowie’s brother suffered from schizophrenia and eventually committed suicide so many of his works touch on the theme of your own worst enemy coming from within. A lot of goth music discusses it too, warning against rather than encouraging, but no one can make something relatable quite like Bowie. (For the record, a lot of that angry music is still my favorite! It has its place in the world) A lot of rock stars drank and drugged their way into an early grave but David Bowie was the one that survived and still managed to stay artistically and culturally relevant in the end. This is the main reason I celebrate him as a role model and a god amongst men. If he survived the 70s, made a clear decision to sober up, and could maintain sobriety throughout the 80s, he could achieve anything.

“Just a mortal with the potential of a superman” David Bowie, Quicksand

How I celebrate Him

For the last four years, I’ve been a DJ at Elysium’s New Year’s Eve party, a Labyrinth-themed Goblin King’s ball. And for the last three, I’ve co-hosted as Jareth himself... which means I’ve achieved my childhood dream of wanting to be Jareth with that fabulous hair and bedazzled tailcoat! This prepares me perfectly for celebrating his life a week later. There are a few “Bowie Weekend” events here in town. Drinks Lounge always has a Bowie Birthday Bash and Elysium usually has an 80’s night tribute or some other event in his honor. Then on the day itself I will take the time to clean my Bowie Shrine and think about all the times he helped me get out of a bad place in my life. Here you can see Instagram highlights of my Bowie Shrine. A few months ago, I got to work on a truly special project that is still super secret. But I can say that it involved recreating a famous David Bowie image and it was a great honor to be asked to do the makeup and hairstyling for this. It took all day, longer than expected, and we got about 300 shots... This weekend we got together again to edit them and in the end only 3 shots were picked. I can only imagine the process for the original shoot! I thought I was just invited along to edit because I was a Bowie nerd that wanted to be there and was ridiculously stoked on this project. But I was grateful to witness us work together as group on this tribute in its entirety, the three of us are perfectionists and we all had high standards but we also had methods of editing our standards for the sake of being practical. Unlike the shoot itself, this time a lot of discussion was had on the different elements that composed the original image and all three of us paid great attention to those details in the recreation. None of us expect to profit from it, this was hours of work that we each volunteered out of love of the art form, and reverence for David Bowie himself. The role I played in this image is a minor one compared to the other two people involved, but I am so terribly proud of us. I think He would be, too. Since I can’t post that image, I will instead leave you with my Aladdin Sane selfie tribute from this weekend:

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Just curious of an opinion of yours in terms of your "to look through the red eye" theory I was curious what you thought of in loving the things you fear line where Kaneki speaks about how everyone he leaves seems to hurt him in some way. Do you think it could be further related to the fascination of the shadow, the violence he always wanted to push away and avoid is what connects him further to the ones he loves. Perhaps it's why Mutsuki is enamored with him? An appeal to violence suits them.

Link to the mentioned meta for those who haven’t read it!

Do you mean this panel? Yeah, I think not just for Kaneki, but in the series as a whole, love is very much entwined with fear. It’s the Freudian concept of Eros and Thanatos, wherein the two driving forces for all human actions are love/sex and death. TG largely interprets Eros as the former but the latter often appears as the culmination of that love - 125 is the best example, but when it appears twisted with Thanatos you can find it in Torso and Mutsuki. 

We can see how his mother’s abuse fused the concepts for Kaneki from an early age. His love for people is always defined by his fear of losing them, which motivates him to kill to defend them. He throws himself into what he fears for the sake of what he loves, both in bringing the fight to his enemies and in accepting the ghoul within. It’s a fusion present in the first chapter, when Rize turns a date into a slaughter. We see it with Reaper, who does away with outer pretences and explicitly focuses on seeking love and death. And it reaches its ultimate culmination with Dragon, who slaughters children and innocents for the sake of love, thereby becoming his greatest fear.

In 159, he confronts his Shadow, the part of himself he could not bear to see. Naturally the one making him see this is the person who introduced the concept of Eros and Thanatos into the story in the first place.

The ocean full of bodies is an innovative take on Freud’s iceberg theory, wherein the observable consciousness is compared to the part of the iceberg that peeks above the water, and the subconsciousness to the vast majority of it that lies underneath. Kaneki seeing the bodies beneath the water in this dream state (how Freud believed the subconscious is revealed to us) is a visual representation of how Dragon has forced him to become aware of that dark part of his subconsciousness. The glistening ocean in the above image is a symbol of Kaneki’s hypocrisy, only content to look at the water’s surface, not the reality that lies beneath. Yet Dragon does not only serve this purpose of enlightenment to inner darkness for Kaneki, but for all the characters:

The function of Dragon is to force people to see what they’ve been trying not to. It looms large in the backgrounds of panels like this, it has engulfed Tokyo, and it is impossible to ignore. The Washuu’s great secret, their own Shadow, will come to light because of it: their Ghoulism, a symbol of the Shadow itself. Likewise the CCG have been forced to acknowledge that the people they have been slaughtering are as human as they are thanks to the Dragon crisis. And, as Kimi points out:

It has broken the boundary between humans and ghouls in the eyes of the general public, forcing them to see humanity’s own Shadow - Ghoulism, the violent nature of man that thrives through the slaughter of others - as part of their nature as well, and something to be accepted, not spurned. Thus all conflict arises from the denial of the Shadow, and peace can be found through its acceptance.

When Kaneki realises that all this came about by his desire to be needed - another form of love - the bodies are no longer hidden beneath the ocean, but fall directly into his view - from the sky, and the top of the iceberg.

Now that his Shadow has entered his consciousness, he has the courage to face what his subconsciousness holds.

He can now accept the Thanatos with the Eros; he can accept that his golden future could not possibly exist without death along the way, that his longing to be loved and needed is inseparably coupled with the wreaking of death and destruction.

And this is the way it has always been in the past: Kuroneki tried to be loved by suffering in the place of others, allowing the tormentors to continue in their depravity. Shironeki turned into a cannibal sadist in his attempts to protect his loved ones, and ultimately even put them at risk like with Hide. Haise’s desire to stay with his “family” meant he continued to slaughter ghouls despite feeling it was wrong. Reaper committed terrible acts to land him in the position that would allow him to save Hinami and be loved before initiating his own destruction. And much as the King tried to avoid his Shadow by not getting his hands dirty, his quest for love took him there in the end. So Rize has a point when she says:

But Kaneki is not cursed. The reason people keep dying when he does things is because he always has that ulterior motive for love in mind which in this universe is so intermixed with death. When Kaneki leaves the temple, he leaves with the words “I’ll see if I can bear [my sins]”. He is not desperately trying to run back like in 157; he is moving forward with responsible determination. Suffice it to say, he is not being driven by the desire for love but by the fulfilment of duty. So, when he wakes up in 162 surrounded by family and friends, he is surprised.

He comes to understand how he doesn’t need to strive to be loved anymore, because he has already achieved it. So when we next get to see what drives Kaneki…

He doesn’t speak out of selfishness, but the desire to atone. He has expressed his frustration at not being able to do anything over and over again throughout the course of the series, but this is the first time that he’s said it with the mindset to follow it through. When he was fighting selfishly, there was no way he could solve the wider problem as the Thanatos mixed with his Eros would inevitably bring tragedy. Recognising their entwined nature, he leaves Eros out of his heroics entirely, and fights stoicly and selflessly. This is not to say he does not love - his rescue of Urie and Saiko prove directly contrary - but rather he no longer fights for the sake of being loved.

His demand to see Hide’s face is an example of this growth - he no longer tries to look away from his sins (like Haise’s memory wipe and Reaper’s attempt to escape through death) but faces them head on. He even tells him “You always hid the things I didn’t want to see”. Indeed Hide always did; he didn’t tell him he knew he was a ghoul so he wouldn’t worry about his safety and he didn’t tell him about the dangerous activities he was getting involved in for his sake. In a very apt co-incidence, Hide’s habit of hiding things is in an English reading of his name. And this is a behaviour Kaneki returned in kind too, cutting himself off from both Hide and Touka as Shironeki so they wouldn’t get involved in the ghoul world. But none of it ended well. Lying so others can’t see their own Shadows only obstructs growth and breeds tragedy. As the narration states, Kaneki finds this determination “Because [he] finally saw what [he] couldn’t for so long” - his own inner darkness, his own Shadow. I wonder if 164′s chapter title, “The White One”, is meant to allude to Kaneki’s newfound sense of duty as represented by his white hair, an emblem of Giri.

In the past I’ve argued this to be The World arc, but after thinking through this Shadow reading I do concede the arc leading up to Dragon to have been The Moon, associated with deception, and the arc of rescuing Kaneki from Dragon to be The Sun, associated with illumination. Hide did return in that arc after all, and he is linked to sunflowers.

Kaneki has come to accept the Thanatos within his Eros, but likewise there is Eros within Thanatos. Because of this chain of events, he has come to accept the terrifying, violent existence he once openly despised as the necessary path to love.

But, what about the other side of this conversation - what about Rize?

Rize has no faith in Kaneki’s ability to bear his sins. She mocks him for being unable to acknowledge his Shadow and the connection between his Eros and Thanatos, suggesting she recognises her own - but she does not attempt to escape and does not believe it possible. She stays in the temple, and from the pure sadism of that last remark we can tell she has no intention of disconnecting from her Thanatos any time soon. Rize continues to live for herself, and I doubt she has good intentions for the future.

As for Mutsuki, we know that the reason she fell in love with Haise is because he is a liar like her. Seeing him validate her lies while knowing the truth encouraged Mutsuki’s wilful ignorance of her Thanatos even while it bubbled to the surface with her growing Eros for him. The reason Haise did this was because he was very much in the same position - shutting away the Shadow of his true identity so he could continue living happily in the Chateau. It is only when Mutsuki’s Thanatos comes into conflict with her Eros, when she has to harm Urie and Saiko to get to Kaneki, that she realises her Eros isn’t worth its vicious twin.

Sorry for the delay - I hope the additional chapters released since this ask has bolstered my response!