#and i want to stop ! i dont feel comfortable sharing these things about myself so why wont i shut my fucking mouth!!!!!
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oughhhghh where is that "don't trust anything you think abt your life past 9pm" post when you need it
#its ''feel like an alien'' hours once again#recently ive been trying to unmask a little bit but even that tiny bit is like. breaking the dam of how weird i am#ive barely scratched the surface and im already starting to get those Looks that i haven't gotten since middle school#i wouldn't mind masking at work if i could just figure out how the hell to correctly bounce back questions#like the 10 year old in me gets so desperate to talk about herself in a genuine fashion that i can't stop myself#unless i am 100% masking. like even a little bit less and i overshare like an idiot#i dont really care to learn body language yet but i need to know how to refuse to answer personal questions#without making it weird#like allistics seem to just Know how to carefully roll with those questions without actually saying anything#''you should be genuine bc you'll feel better'' there is very little that makes me feel worse than oversharing at work#i work with conservatives baby. a little oversharing here and there leads to them finding shit out abt me that they WILL use against me#and i do not trust myself enough to not actually tell them in the moment because i can't fucking lie to save my life#when someone asks me a genuine question i just can't do anything other than offer a genuine answer#and i want to stop ! i dont feel comfortable sharing these things about myself so why wont i shut my fucking mouth!!!!!#i need to learn to let people simmer in silence. i am always too focused w filling the silence to prevent people seeing how weird i am#its always another little fucking quip with me. i can never just shut my fucking mouth#sorry#vent
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Oliver freaking tf out when im crying as we talk is an favorite thing
#miranda talking shit#'what the fuck miranda what did i say? Why are you crying? What happened?' one would think he'd have learned by now#But nope... Still have to stop everything and ask. Buddy my dude... This is how i am... Idk what to tell you#My tears start coming before i even have time to think sometimes. They just ... Come i cant identify why half the time#We talked about ambitions and shit again and thats always an hard one for me bc... My only dream/ambition#Is to... Be comfortable with myself and accept myself plus share life with someone#I don't have a dream job or something... I just ... Wish to do something i wont dread and hate#Meanwhile hes like bro...i wanna be rich lol. And hes trying to challenge me and im like... Dude...#And i know i still have it so ingrained in me to do everything everyone else wants of me... Im trying to be my own self#But like... How do you undo 20 years of always filling others wants and needs? I have come up with this dream just a few years ago#Genuinely before that i had nothing. I know im weak and pathetic and not my own person but im trying to be but its not easy#Its why i dont ever feel ill be good enough to date anyone. Bc i dont have grand ambitions and I'd never be able to give someone#An good life in that way. I just want to live and share boring normal things with someone who loves me and if they have an ambition id help#Support them. But it's ... Pathetic and probably very unhealthy but thats what i genuinely think i want. A gentle life and love#I am always told im so passive and not strong willed enough and its like yoo i know! Bc i started to develop my personality to be#As passive and adjustable since i was 4 so i would be less in danger and then i just kept it up until i became an adult...#'youre such a deep (feeling) person. Its sad you dont WANT more' yeah i know... Tryst me i wish i was more solid in my opinions and thought#But thats probably gonna take me many years...#Negative#????
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Joey B Imagines: December 3rd
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Summary: “Sweater” Day on December 3rd is no exception for your boyfriend, Joe Burrow.
Warnings: fluff, mention of sex
Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader
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December 3rd (not this year)
(y/n’s pov)
“I still remember, third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you.”
I had heard the TikTok sound so many times this morning, lying in bed by myself.
Joe had to go into the facility today for a meeting and some other thing that I couldn't understand as he explained it to me last night.
It was stupid to feel so lonely at the moment just from watching so many stupid couple TikToks, but they seriously did make me miss my boyfriend.
The bed started to get less and less comforting as it got colder from the lack of Joe’s body heat and the imprint on the mattress of his muscular body began to disappear.
Eventually rolling out of bed at 10:30, I washed my face and did my morning routine before making my way into Joe and I’s shared walk-in closet.
Joe’s side of the closet was a collage of color. Like a rainbow’s colors had been rearranged and hung on hangers.
I focused back on my side, slid a pair of leggings on, and went to grab a sweatshirt but stopped before my fingertips brushed the fabric.
Would it count if I took one of Joe’s?
Looking over my shoulder at his sweatshirt section, I thought about the idea before ultimately deciding not to.
He has to give it to you for it to count.
—
When Joe got home he walked over to the couch where I was sitting and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“Hi, baby.” - Joe
“Hey, how was your day?” - you
“It was okay, better now that I'm with you.” - Joe smiled
He went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water before plopping down next to me on the couch. Joe grabbed my legs and maneuvered them to where they'd drape over his lap.
“Missed you.” - Joe grinned
“I missed you too.” - you smiled
Joe began rubbing small shapes on my thighs as I picked out a show to watch.
“You stay warm today? It's getting cold out.” - Joe
“Yeah, but I'm definitely warmer with your body heat.” - you laughed
“Yeah? Does it get cold in bed without me?” - Joe
“Oh yeah, like a lot colder. You're like my personal cuddleable heater.” - you
My cheeks heated up at Joe’s laugh filling the room as he squeezed my thigh.
“Glad I have some sort of a purpose babe.” - Joe
“You have more purpose than just that! I didn't mean for it to sound like-” - you
“I know, y/n. I was just teasing, baby.” - Joe
I smiled and pecked his lips before getting comfortable and watching the show.
—
After dinner and a couple of glasses of wine, Joe walked me upstairs while holding me bridal-style to the bedroom.
Multiple rounds of pure bliss and love-making later… we were washing each other off in the shower.
“Babe, I'm so tired I might fall over.” - Joe
“I just gotta wash your hair then we can hop out, brush our teeth, and you can head to bed while I blow dry my hair.” - you
“That sounds terrible.” - Joe
“How so?” - you frowned
“You washing my hair is always relaxing as hell I'll prob fall over and sleep, and going to bed without you is not something I want to do.” - Joe
“Joey.” - you giggled and rubbed his naked chest
He was giving me a serious look, so I knew he meant it, but that was the only way so I eventually left his arms to grab the shampoo and scrubbed his hair.
“Dont fall asleep on me, Joe.” - you
“I’m trying…” - Joe
As I was rinsing his hair out, his head slowly fell forward onto my shoulder.
“Baby…” - you rubbed Joe’s back
Joe groaned out of annoyance and turned the water off before quickly hopping out of the shower.
I dried myself off and grabbed the towel away from Joe after watching him stand there for a minute just barely dragging it across his body.
“Joseph.” - you giggled
“I’m too tired to put my undies on.” - Joe smiled
“Listen. I love you, but I'm not putting your undies on for you.” - you rolled your eyes
“You’re the one that took ‘em off!” - Joe smirked
I playfully shoved his chest as we both laughed but I eventually gave in and slipped Joe’s boxers on for him as he leaned against the bathroom wall with his eyes closed.
“This is wife stuff, not girlfriend stuff, Joseph Lee.” - you smiled, knowing Joe hated the teasing
“Soon baby, I promise.” - Joe
Truthfully, I didn't care at all when Joe proposed. I just knew it got under his skin when the guys or his family mentioned it. After putting the man’s underwear on for him, he was due for some teasing.
“You know I don't care when it happens. I know forever is with you, Joey.” - you hugged him
“I know. It is about time though, I mean seriously you've been waiting forever for my ass to just do it.” - Joe
“Joe… I don't care about having the title of being married. I am excited to marry you one day though, even if it isn't today or any time soon, I know I'll be your wife one day.” - you
“You will be baby. But… speaking of today. I need to give you something.” - Joe
I watched him leave the bathroom and a moment later he came back with one of his sweatshirts in his hand.
Once he was standing in front of me, he neatly folded the sweater up and handed it to me with an outstretched arm.
“Here ya go, happy sweater day.” - Joe grinned
I took the sweatshirt from his hand with a confused smile on my face and slipped it over my head. It went down to right above my knee as I was wrapped in warmth and Joe’s scent.
“I also grabbed you some panties.” - Joe
“Thanks.” - you smiled and slipped them on before wrapping your arms around Joe
Joe put his arms around my waist and smiled down at me, proud of his gesture.
“How’d you know?” - you giggled
“A couple of the guys at the facility were saying their girls were all asking for one of their sweatshirts because of this song on TikTok that mentions sweaters and December 3rd. I figured I'd be an extra good boyfriend today and give it to you before you asked.” - Joe grinned
“Oh I love you so much.” - you kissed him
My hands cupped Joe’s face as we kissed and kissed.
Ultimately, Joe was the one to pull away.
“As much as I love this moment and kissing you, I'm gonna brush my teeth and go to bed.” - Joe
“Okay.” - you laughed
Joe and I brushed our teeth and once we were both done he kissed me goodnight, telling me “I love you” and left the bathroom.
He had shut the door behind him knowing I was going to have the blow dryer on, and he was going to go knock out.
After I was finished in the bathroom I took a good look at myself in the mirror and couldn't stop smiling. It was the little things that Joe did that made me love him so much.
When I turned the lights out and exited the bathroom, the sight and sound of Joe snoring while taking up the entire bed made me giggle to myself.
I tried my hardest not to wake him up as I scooted him onto his side and laid down on my side. He stirred for a bit but ended up just cuddling into me.
Let's just say I fell asleep feeling very happy, lucky, and loved that December 3rd.
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Authors note: I promise that “Girls’ Night” is coming out next! Hopefully today!! I couldn't help but write something for today so here's something to hold you over till “Girls' Night” comes out.
Hope you enjoyed! ❤️
#joe burrow#bengals#joey b#joe burrow imagine#joe burrow x reader#cincinnati bengals#joe burrow fan fic#joe burrow series
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wait damn it i dont think i was anon making that request so HIYA AGAIN 💀💀 (basically this is just restating my request)
foaming at the mouth for peter quill (per usual) so this is a peter req! so maybe smthn abt reader stealing his shirt/s like hes trying to find one and hes like okay where did all my shirts go and then he sees reader all comfy in his shirt and he just MELTS 🥰
Hopefully you can do this soon, ur like famous so u have like 1000 requests LMAO have a great rest of your week/end!
-🪐
hii again🪐!! and dw you were anon for that request😭😭 this is so stinking cute! thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌 have a great rest of you week too<3 also wanna know something funny? I have 2 of his tshirts, he left them at mine ;)
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Peter Quill x f reader
wc || 0.8k
warnings || none just fluff
masterlist + rules
taglist
There are many great attributes about Quill, and sometimes there are too many to list. But one thing in particular, is his style. Despite his knack for good music and food, there's just something about his clothes that often made you gawk.
Over the years, Peter has acquired quite the collection of fun and funky t-shirts, most of them bought on various planets as souvenirs after a mission or even as little gifts from you.
Quill has so many tops that he couldn't possibly have use for every single one, so more often than not, you'd find yourself riffling through his drawers to steal one or five of his t-shirts. His clothes always smell so comforting and homely that you couldn't stop yourself from stealing, even if you wanted to. Your favourite shirts of his are from his slightly chubbier days. They'd feel so soft and comfortable against your skin that you'd often wear them day and night. The bigger the top, the more loved it felt. But you weren't being picky because you loved literally anything he wore. He could wear a trash bag, and as long as it smelt like him, you'd wear that trash bag too.
So today, like any other day, instead of picking your clothes from your side of the closet, you scrounge over to his side, flicking through the hangers to see what you want to wear. 'Happening' upon his grey, long sleeve with white writing, you quickly remove his other t-shirt you were wearing, flinging it across the room into the dirty pile before dressing yourself. Slipping on a pair of joggers, you make your way to the living room, plopping yourself down on the sofa, and wrapping a fluffy blanket over you.
A few short minutes later, Peter is standing in the doorway with a towel draped over his lower half, tiny beads of water covering his chest. "Ahem," he says quietly, a sly smirk on his lips. "Uh- why can't I find any of my clothes?" he asks, sounding like he already knew the answer.
"Maybe they're in the dirty pile," you playfully lie with a deadpan expression, avoiding his gaze. "We haven't done any laundry in a little while. I'm sure there's stuff in there,"
"Hm, okay, right. But the thing is, I was sorta planning on wearing this one top today," sheepishly smiling, ruffling through his wet curls. "Don't suppose you've seen a grey long-sleeve?"
"Nope, haven't seen it," you coyly grin, bringing the blanket to your neck, covering the evidence.
"Yeah?" he hums, making his way over to you. "You sure you haven't seen it?"
"Nope," you repeat, shaking your head.
"So if I just..." he says slowly, reaching for the blanket.
You copy him, reaching for his towel, playful eyes as you threaten to tug the fabric down. He looks down at you and shrugs. Grinning. "Do it. I don't care,"
"Okay, alright, fine. I'm wearing it," you cave, ripping away the blanket. "I couldn't help it," you bribe, sweet eyes dancing up at him.
"How long you been stealing my clothes?" he asks, his tone full of warmth, chuckling.
"Not long," you lie. "But I really can't help it, okay, Pete? It's a problem. I can't stop myself," you say playfully, brushing over your arms as if to show your comfort. "See?"
He stares down at you, his eyes full of admiration. "Yeah? That why I have no clothes left?"
"You have tonnes of clothes. You have so many you didn't even realise they were missing," you say impishly, eyebrows quirking. "They just smell like you," you shrug, a sweet smile on your lips. "You're not mad?"
Shaking his head. "Nah, they look better on you anyway," he grins. "But, have you seen that dark blue one? The one with uh-- the um, light blue circle smile face thing?"
"Maybe... sorry. I wore that the other week," you playfully frown. "But it's clean," you bribe. "I washed it right after. It should be in that pile over there," Pointing.
"Mhmm," he says with squinted eyes and a grin.
He returns half-dressed with the t-shirt in hand, swinging it as he makes his way back to you. "I wanna wear that one," pointing to you. "I wanna smell you," he says quietly, practically inaudible.
"What?" you grin, only hearing fragments.
"I wanna smell you, now give it," he repeats loud enough for you to hear, his fingers grabbing towards you. "I’m getting cold— look my nipples could cut glass, hurry,"
"But it smells like you,"
He boyishly grins as if he's thought of an idea. He puts on the blue top, rubbing over the fabric as if to transfer his scent before removing it and handing it to you. "Better?"
Sitting up with a smile, you undress from the top, putting on the new one as Peter did the same. He plops down beside you, draping his arm over your shoulder. "You do look cute in my clothes," he grins, kissing your temple.
@annielr @ugh09876554444 @spacetalbot @bubblezuku @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser
#🪐#peter quill#peter quill x you#peter quill x reader#peter quill x fem!reader#peter quill x female reader#peter quill x y/n#peter quill fanfiction#peter quill imagine#peter quill fanfic#peter quill imagines#peter quill fluff#peter quill drabble#starlord x you#star lord#starlord x reader#gotg fanfiction
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Peace ✷
pairing ｡*ﾟ+ john marston x gn ! reader
warnings ｡*ﾟ+ no dialogue , angst...sorry , hurt/(no) comfort , abigail and john r not a thing in this , not proof read
a/n ｡*ﾟ+ i think I've seen a fic like this before but...i dont really remember? still in my head j am givinf them credits if i actually did read something like this,,, might've been a caption on a joiver art i saw idk . anyway i rly need to stop making everything angsty,,,
I will help you swim / I'm gonna help you swim
You knew you weren't going to see him again. Watching him from where you sat at the campfire, the gang was falling apart and you were planning your way to leave. Such little people left and your heart hurts whenever you see the condition Arthur is in.
Always having to deal with hearing Dutch say they just need one more score — but you know it's over. This is it.
John walks over to you and sits down next to you. You give him a smile and he returns it. The two of you sit in silence as the remainder in the members do the same.
Hearing Micah and Dutch whisper about something you move to grab Johns hand. Now your fingers interlocked, you look at him and he's staring at you too.
You truly don't want to just abandon him but you can't stay and asking him to leave with you seems unreasonable to do. Thinking to yourself, you decide to maybe share one last tender moment with him before your leave.
You get up and tug his arm and he gets the message; standing up as well. Then you lead him as far as you can from the camp, to a lake. He stares at you; confused but you squeeze his hand and he understands.
Releasing his hand the two of you slip out of your clothes and only have your undergarments. Stepping into the water, you reach your hand out for him to grab and he does.
You ease him in and instruct him to keep calm and let himself float. Promising you won't let him sink.
You stare at him as you keep him a float. Simply admiring him as his long hair makes it look like he has a halo — like he's an angel from the heavens above. He looks so peaceful but you know he's fearing of suddenly drowning and the fact he put his trust in you to keep him living makes your heart skip a beat.
The only sound the two of you hear being the rustling of trees, water splashing, and your humming. Feeling your eyes well up with tears, you close your eyes, trying your best to savor this moment.
It's so peaceful...you wish to stay like this as you open your eyes again and notice he's opened his too. He takes note of your teary eyes and his face twists with concern. You give him a smile of reassurance but it didn't help.
Yet he didn't say anything, just appreciating the silence as well — he never thought water would be this calming for him. You lean down and place a kiss on his forehead and he smiles.
You hear him mutter an 'I love you'...
That's all you hear, before everything sounds silent now. You try to respond but all you can get out is a small noise.
He doesn't mind, he knows you love him as well and wouldn't leave him.
And you do love him...you treasure him and everything about him. Ever since you met him, sure he was a piece of work but that was why you loved him.
So it leaves him confused and hurt when he can't seem to find you at the camp the next morning. He was hoping to ask if the two of you could go to the lake again but he can't find you.
He notices a piece of paper in your tent and he picks it up to read.
He feels his world crumbling as he reads it.
My Dearest, John,
I'm sorry for leaving you. I love you, I truly do, I just couldn't bring myself to ask you to leave with me. I don't know where I am going, think I'm just gonna wonder until I find where I can stay. I know it seems like a bad idea, but it's all I could think to do. The gangs falling apart — Dutch as gone mad. Please get out of there as well. I hope you can forgive me if our paths decide to cross again and god I hope they do. I'll miss you dearly, John
Love, [Name].
He couldn't believe it. You left without telling him? He would've said yes if you'd asked him. Why didn't you ask him? Did anyone else know about this? Were you safe? He prayed you were safe. Please be safe.
The day couldn't get anymore worse then this. You left without a word and his heart is broken. He's not sure if he could handle more.
But more he had to handle. Everything is falling apart, he has to leave. And that he does when he gets left for dead by Dutch. When he's forced to pick a side and Arthur makes him leave, to get away from this life, to go find you. He keeps Arthurs words in mind, after getting to a safer area, he sets off to find you.
He will find you — somehow; he needs to.
a/n 2 ｡*ﾟ+ lolol sry this is short . i think idk...i was listening to twin sized mattress and needed to write this ! hope u enjoyed ur read see u next time ^3^ mwah mwah
#john marston#john marston x reader#gn reader#gn!reader#john marston x gn reader#sillygraham#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#arthur morgan#fem reader#fem!reader#male reader#male!reader#masc reader#masc!reader#john marston x female reader#john marston x male reader
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𝒫𝓁𝓊𝑔!𝐵𝒻𝒮𝓊𝑔𝓊𝓇𝓊♧~~~~
personal headcannons bc plug suguru puts me in H E A T ! ! ! :)
PlugBf!Suguru who gives you free flower. Has the BIGGEST pout on his face when he finds out you bought from other people before y'all got together. 'It doesn't matter if I met you 7 months later y/n, it's the principality of it!'
PlugBf!Suguru who buys you anything you need. You want a new bong? He buys you a pretty heart shaped piece w/ a bowl crafted into the shape of a rose. You needed a grinder cuz yours squeaked? He bought you an electrical one. You burnt a nail tryna light the blunt? He cashapps you $250 to get a refill.
PlugBf!Suguru who plugged you for the first time after you got his # from Shoko, there was something about you that made him so fuckin nervous that he accidentally gave you 3gs more than you asked for (you only wanted an 8th).
PlugBf!Suguru who is your self-proclaimed #1 fan. Reposts all your IG photos, shares your TikToks, he even got one of those lighter clips that attach to his pants and keeps a light w/ your face on it w/ him 25/8.
PlugBf!Suguru who pearls the blunt in a way that makes your stomach tight and your thighs clench.
PlugBf!Suguru who shuts down anyone who tries to flirt w/ him during a deal, 'no i dont wanna smoke a blunt with you, get out my car before i call my wife and have her show you whats good' Satoru lets out the ugliest laugh EVERY time.
PlugBf!Suguru who taught you everything you need to know; how to roll, how to scale, how to tell if the flower is synthetic, etc.
PlugBf!Suguru who has to go out of town sometimes to make drops so he leaves you with enough money and flower to keep you comfortable. If you needed anymore he'd send you however much you needed and make toji bring you a bag. If you buy from someone else while he's gone he'll catch such an attitude (big baby will still roll your blunts but he'll FS talk shit while he do it 'you wanna buy from other people? that's cool... why don't you break off my fingers and tell me to go fUCK myself while you're at it huh?')
PlugBf!Suguru who buys you the prettiest gold anklet with an 'S' to match his gold chain that has your initial on it. He got it for you when he first got in the game, saying it was 'only the beginning.' Since then Suguru has spoiled you in ways you'd never dreamed of, but that anklet? That anklet meant more to you than anything else.
PlugBf!Suguru who has sooooo many tattoos dedicated to you. He gets them on special occasions (anniversary, birthdays, holidays, etc. any reason he can find he'll do it). He has your anniversary on his ring finger, your lipstick on his lower back, scratch marks on one side of his back, and a bouquet of your favorite flowers right above his heart. With each one he shows you, you fall deeper in love.
PlugBf!Suguru who also makes a lot w/ his tattoo shop. People travel from across the country to get tatted by him. He's not just your only plug but your only tattoo artist as well. He'd had an extensive portfolio with a plethora of darkskin clients who had a hard time finding artists like you had. Suguru doesn't even consider people like that artists and refuses to work with people who can't tattoo dark skin. When asked why his response is always the same, 'why would I want to work with talentless losers who's terrible character is reflected in their subpar work? I could spend my time doing better shit like... smokin a blunt.'
PlugBf!Suguru who drops the blunt in shock when he learns you're Kento's cousin. Bloodshot eyes widen in shock when he's lookin at old family photos you brought out, completely ignoring the ember burning a hole into the rugs you JUST bought. ('whaT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS RELEVANT? I had a thing for you for fuckin WEEKS before I asked you out and that bastard knew-!')
PlugBf!Suguru who knew from the moment he met you, that you were someone to be loved, cherished, and desired. And he would stop at nothing to prove how dedicated he is to making you feel as special as he knows you are.
#jjk x black reader#anime x black!reader#getou suguru#geto suguru#plug!geto#jujutsu geto#jjk anime#geto hcs#geto jjk#geto jujutsu kaisen#black yn#black reader#black fanfiction#black femme
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A heart to heart conversation and I am in love with you
"My gosh Sam stop calling me beautiful!!" You snapped. "Stop calling me beautiful! Stop calling me the prettiest girl you've ever seen, just stop!!" You yelled.
Sam was taken back by your angry outburst.
Chad, Tara, Quinn, Anika, and Mindy were also taken back.
You walked away still livid and angry and slammed the door to the room.
Sam sighed. She had no idea how to react.
"Sam", Tara said. "Just give her space to cool off. Okay?".
"Wow", said Mindy. "I have never seen (Y/n) yell at Sam like that ever". she said.
"Yeah". Said Anika.
"That was scary". Said Chad.
Quinn gave Sam a hug. "Just give (Y/n) some to cool down.
"Did I do something wrong guys?" Sam asked her sister and her best friends. "All I did was tell (Y/n) that shes beautiful". Sam started to tear up. She put her head on her hands as her sister and best friends went to comfort her. Sam wiped the tears from her eyes and said "That poor thing. Something must be troubling (Y/n). She must be in some kind of emotional distress. Did me calling her beautiful trigger her?". She asked.
"Its definitely possible". Said chad. "We'll stand by the door incase she wants to talk to us too. Maybe shes going through something".
After an hour Sam got up from the couch and said to Tara and her best friends "I'm gonna go talk to (Y/n)".
Sam walked to the bedroom door and knocked on the door. She opened it and saw you just sitting on the side of the bed.
"Hi". You said.
"Hi babe". Sam said. She sat on the side of the bed next to you.
Tara, Chad, Mindy, Anika, and quinn stood by the door.
You sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Its just", you said to sam. You started to cry. "Im extremely insecure! I'm nowhere the look of a model I dont even think im pretty I dont know how to feel about myself because-"
"Hey, hey, hey". Said Sam. "You're pretty. Very pretty. Have you seen you lately? You have the most beautiful long hair and the most beautiful hazel green eyes". Sam said to you.
"I don't! And I'm not!" You cried.
"(Y/n)" said Quinn. "Where's all this coming from?" She asked you.
"I was in a relationship for about 6 years way before I met you guys and Sam". You said.
Everyone looked at you and sat next to you and Sam.
"It was pure hell". You said. One minute she told me she respects me and the next minute she made my life hell. She was controlling. Manipulative. During that time I lived with her and her mom my ex girlfriend even had this look on her face and raised her hand to me". You said to everyone.
"What?" Quinn said in disbelief.
"That is awful". Said Anika.
"Do you want me, Anika, and Quinn to kick her ass? Because we will!" Said Tara.
Sam gave you the most safe and warmest hug ever. "Oh (Y/n). How did you end the relationship?" Sam asked.
"We got into a terrible argument. I walked away from her. She told not to walk away from her. I told her to never speak to me ever again and I blocked her number. My ex is very toxic to my mental health. My ex never gave me a compliment. Anything I did was never good enough for her. She made jokes about me that were hurtful and mean. She'd insult me with little verbal jabs whenever she could. And she never told me I'm beautiful. She made things so terrible that I had to block her number more than once. Even a crisis counselor had to come to the house. But once I ended that relationship I moved here. Got a great job too". You said.
"Well you know what?" Said Chad. "You're safe here with us. We've all got your back. We love having you around. And your ex blew it big time with you. Now it's our turn to show you how special you are to all of us". He said. He smiled.
You smiled. "Thank you guys for being here for me. I never told you guys about my ex because it triggers my anxiety". You said to everyone.
"You're very brave for sharing what you went through". Said Quinn.
"Its not easy to talk about past experiences but you did and I'm glad you shared it with us and told us about what you went through with your ex. Chad is right. Your ex blew it with you big time". Said Anika.
Mindy gave you a hug and said "You can count on is to always be here for you".
"Thank you guys. Can you give me and sam a minute please?" You asked.
"Yeah. Of Course". Said Tara. "And (Y/n)?"
"Yes Tara?" You said.
"You're a great friend. When you chased ghostface and had him running that was pretty bad ass". Said Tara. She smiled.
You giggled.
After Chad, Mindy, Tara, quinn, and Anika left and closed the door you sat closer to your girlfriend.
"So". You and your girlfriend Sam said at the same time.
"I'll go first". Said Sam. "If I triggered you in any way I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you baby. I just want you to know how beautiful you are". Sam said to you. "And that I am so deeply madly in love with you".
You smiled. "Oh Sam". You said lovingly to her. "Do you mean that?".
"I do". Said Sam.
"Even when my hair is wet from the shower?" You asked.
"Yes". Sam said to you.
"Even when im just in my football Jersey and sweatpants?" You asked sam.
"Yes". sam said to you.
"Sam". You said to her. "I'm not the best with words but trust me when I say that I am so in love with you. You make me feel beautiful. And safe". You said to Sam.
Sam held you tight. She looked deep in your hazel green eyes and kissed you so affectionately. You kissed her back and gave her a hug too. You've always loved her hugs.
"I love you". You said to your girlfriend.
"I love you too baby". Sam said to you. "Now let's go grab some lunch. I'm hungry".
You and sam were holding hands and everyone smiled at you and Sam. "Me and my girlfriend (Y/n) are gonna get lunch. Does anyone want anything from Jersey Mike's?" You asked.
"Bring us all back anything from there. We are hungry too". Said Mindy.
You nodded. "Okay".
"I'll be back. I'm gonna grab my purse". Sam said to you.
"Okay babe". You said to Sam. Sam gave you a kiss on the cheek and went to get her purse. She took her keys and purse with her and said "Ready".
Sam opened the door as she waited for you. "Thank you chad. Mindy. Quinn. Tara. Anika. For everything".
You walked out the door with Sam holding her hand.
And everytime you and Sam hold hands you feel comfort.
#scream 6#sam carpenter x y/n#sam carpenter x reader#Sam Carpenter × you#lgbtq#sam carpenter#tara carpenter#tara x reader#Chad x reader#mindy meeks x reader#quinn bailey x reader#tara carpenter x you#Tara carpenter x reader
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I've been streaming on twitch for over 4 years. I've made a great community and a wonderful group of friends but I've also had to deal with a lot of aweful people. Recently I've been feeling particularly upset about it all so I'm going to air all my grievances here.
TW this mentions bullying, grooming, self harm and abuse.
If anyone mentioned in this post trys to comment im just gonna delete it, i also dont care if your fav streamers is here, this is my authentic experience.
Also dont go attacking anyone i mention here, the whole point of this is to be better then them.
Rat_emoji
The first streamer I ever had an issue with was Rat_emoji. It all started when I tuned into one of their DbD streams only to find him streaming another, younger, streamers live content.
He had just died to this kid playing Myers, he had TTV in his name and Rat was so mad about what had happened he streamed this kids twitch live to his viewers, all the while making fun of his appearance and stream quality.
A day later I would go back and screen record this whole interaction so I can share that if you want to see it. It felt so disgusting to watch this happen live, he has 100 viewers in chat and they were all being nasty. The only person who told him to stop was drag streamer Suttonfister (i think, 90% sure) who was in the same game and discord call at he time. the whole scene was aweful to witness, it felt like such an abuse of power. Rat didnt directly say anything mean but they made a lot of mean girl comments and didnt moderate anything cruel their chat said, it was obviously intentional.
After this I blocked Rat, it would have been easy to avoid him if he didn't found the stream team "Aussie pride", he got a lot of attention for that and a lot of praise and all of it made me sick. Funnily enough I heard that Aussie Pride was an aweful team to be in. The creators didn't care about the smaller members, planned no events and then disbanded the team with the release of Hogwarts legacy because they didn't want to take a stance on JK Rowling. Honestly it seems like the whole thing was a vanity project. That's why I don't like Rat_emoji.
Dcypherpup
DCpup was the first streamer I tried to network with. He hired me to make some art for him. He wanted me to work on merch for his channel, I declined, saying that I wasnt comfortable with the idea of someone else selling my art. I counter offered to just make him a profile icon, this way we could see how my style suited him and i could work out how to tackle the idea of eventually doing merch.
When the icon was done I sent him the high res file, he asked for my signature (my artist tag, a very small "outcaststars" in the corner) to be removed. When I asked why, he told me he needed it gone in order to upload it as merch.
Naturally I was upset. I explained that we had already made a deal not to do merch yet and I also explained that I was uncomfortable with the idea of removing my tag. I went on to explain why visibility was so important for artists. At the time I was a much smaller content creator and DCpup platform was much bigger.
He apologized and said he would give me a cut of the sales. I said don't bother and reluctantly let him do what he wanted. At the time I was too scared to make enemies so I fell into people pleasing.
I took more work from DCpup because I needed the money and I hoped it would be good for my channel growth. He would upload my work to his store and wouldn't credit me. I was frustrated.
The tipping point was after the final comm I took from him. An animated ending screen. During this process DCpup would message me everyday asking for updates which was annoying. When I delivered the final product he once again asked for my tiny, half transparent signature to be removed. I was so upset and defeated, I told myself I'd fight it but I didn't. I removed my sign from every layer, reanimated the whole thing and vowed not to take work from him.
After the piece was done he wanted to commission me again. I left him on read, then I found out what he was saying about me to other people. A good friend of mine showed me a message he had sent in his stream, telling him not to bother commission me, because I would be too busy doing work for him. I was furious.
Another week later I got raided by someone and told the new viewers to check out my work, it broke my heart when someone who looked at my insta, told me he had no idea I made all of DCpups stuff. Why would he? Dcypherpup went to ridiculous lengths to hide my credit. He was telling people not to contact me and not tagging any comm work with my name. One day he came into my live stream and I was so mad I banned him on the spot .
I wish I had done more to be assertive, live and learn. Funnily enough I found out he posted a big rant, telling people off for supporting JK Rowling when Hogwarts legacy released. Only to be called out for buying it and playing it on his steam, which he had forgotten to make private. He deleted the tweet. What a cunt.
Undertheredmoon and Greenypika
Redmoon is furry streamer that I use to really like. They were funny, had great energy and I would even go as far to say that they were a friend.
All this came to a grinding hault the day he invited furry artist and accused child groomer Daveoverlord to join us on Monster hunter rise live on stream.
Dave wasn't in voice chat and I wasn't reading Redmoons twitch chat at the time, so although I was aware of who Dave was, I didn't realize it was them. When someone messaged me about it a few days later I was mortified, I assumed Redmoon didn't know and I messaged them immediately.
I asked Red if he knew who Dave was and what he had done and the kind of artists he was friends with (cub artists). Redmoon ghosted me, left me on read for a week. I messaged again asking why he wasn't talking to me. He said he was too stressed to deal with this "drama" and didn't care to get involved. He mentioned that if Dave was guilty cops probably would have gotten involved and said he just wanted to focus on his own work.
When I asked Redmoon where he stood on cub porn, he stopped replying. We haven't spoken since.
The same person who told me about Dave joining stream also pointed out that Greenypika was inviting Dave onto his stream. They dm'd greeny and asked them if they knew and greeny said he had no idea and that he'd look into it. Greeny hadn't responded for a few months so I dm'd him with the same message and got the same copy paste reply. TLDR greeny knew and was just lying about it so I blocked him too.
Daveoverlord
Dudes a fucking groomer and now he streams. Blocked.
Cidermarten
Cider and I got into an argument once, the topic of which is no one's business.
His bf weyland got mad at me for it and vague tweeted about it so I decided to start a group chat with them to sort it out. And we did.
I apologised for what I did and cider took some time away from interacting with me. Everyone in this situation wanted what was best. And weyland is now one of my best friends.
Cider and I aren't as close as we could be but that's my fault. They're honestly a wonderful person and I appreciate their friendship. There inclusion in this list is to prove a point later but they're also the only person here who I think deserves success.
Stripeydragon and Break trail.
This one is complicated because it involves someone who ment a lot to me.
Back when the exclusive stream team Break Trail formed, my good friend Marsh joined the team. Being an artist he did a lot of the teams promo art of all it's members. Marsh had a lot of anxieties about the team because he was one of its smallest members and often told me he felt underappreciated or out of place. This feeling for worse when artist/streamer and fellow team member Stripeydragon decided he was going to do a redraw of all of marsh's promo work.
I didn't see Marsh much at the time but when this began he spent the better part of a week in my mod chat expressing how upset he was about it. It didn't help he was already anxious but he felt stripydragon was replacing him and even mentioned a time when he tried to give feedback on stripys work only for him to disregard it. Marsh was really fucking upset.
After stripeydragon posted the work my moderator, Ibn, who had been listening and consoling marsh for a week, decided to comment on the art publically. He said he didn't think stripyes version of the art was better and criticized him of slimming down the fater characters.
I wanna pause this to say I don't condone what Ibn did. He ment well but it wasn't his fight and he shouldn't have commented a critique on something no one asked him to judge. Don't do this. Anyway...
Stripeydragon fucking hated this. Not only did he respond to every tweet, he went into the break trail discord and rallied everyone to defend him and attack Ibn, a lot of break trail members also rushed to the comments to defend stripey and attack ibn. He also posted ibns comment in his own discord to encourage others to dog pile on. This shit got out of hand super fucking fast. Ibn was crying and marsh was pissed. It was betray of trust on Ibns part, but the way stripey responded was downright scary.
Shit was at its peak by the time I woke up (Australian timezone) and I immediately went into damage control. I gave Ibn a huge lecture, I was mad af and told him to apologize. I dm'd breaktrails stream team manager Mari, and tried my best to defuse the situation so that both parties could stop. Everyone deleted their tweets. Ibn apologised a dozen times and Marsh told everyone that ibn was just an asshole.
So the story everyone believes now is that marsh actually loves stripydragons work and Ibn is just a weird jerk. There where no consequences for stripydragons weaponizing a stream team and their fan base against someone on twitter. They're still a member of break trail but the team has been dead for a long time.
I understand that Ibn was in the wrong and marsh should have just talked about his issues with his team. But this is another case of someone with a big platform and bigger ego not hesitating to use that to attack others.
Starkymorph
this one is fucked up.
Starky mods for a bunch of break trail members, so he had an inside look into the whole stripeydragon thing. Keep that in mind.
About a year after the stripey incident, I woke up to a message from starky. I had recently finished a commission for starky but apart from that we didn't know each other well.
He claimed that ibn had harassed him on stream by bringing up controversial topics and that because he was my mod he wasn't going to support me any more. I was pretty angry, Ibn was causing trouble again. I dm'd ibn and told him I didn't want to hear what he had to say and instead I just wanted the timestamp on Starkeys VOD so I could see what he did myself.
I watched the VOD and what I saw didn't line up with anything starky had said. He made the whole thing up.
What really happened was, starky decided to bring up "cancel culture" and went on a rant about how it was inherently bad and that anyone who participates in it only does it for "self-aggrandizing reasons". A lot of the shit he said was very thinly veiled right wing bullshit dog whistles.
Ibn asked him to elaborate and said something to the likes of "what about people who cancel pedos and rapists" and starky banned ibn and ended the convo.
Ibn didn't start the controversial topic and he didn't harass anyone. But starky was mad and wanted to attack him, he knew Ibn had a history of starting shit so he came to me with a bullshit story thinking I'd believe him and Ibn would lose his friends. And it almost worked.
I tried to talk some sense into starky, I pointed out that his original message was dishonest. Starky doubled down and made up more lies. He continued to claim that things happened during the stream that aren't in the VOD. He even bought up weylandshere and claimed he was harassing him too, out of nowhere! which if you watch the VOD is also completely made up. He said some ablist shit about "high functioning autism" aswell, its all really incoherent. Non of this is true and I downloaded the VOD so he couldn't hide the evidence.
Starky tried to use my argument with cider and Ibns argument with stripy as evidence that we were bad people. I found this really sinister, because my initial reaction to Starkys story, was that i believed him, pretty much everyone reacted this way. It upsets me that i was almost convinced to distance myself from my best friend because of a lie.
A ton of people didn't watch the VOD and took Starkeys word. Starky blocked me and started asking all his followers and mutuals to do the same. A whole bunch of people sub tweeted about ibn being an abuser and me being an enabler. It was fucking aweful. It went on for days.
This only stopped when Kyziethewolf stepped in and defended me. Even tho starky was one of his best friends, he had watched the VOD and told everyone he was lying. Starky doesn't talk to kyzie now and it really broke his heart.
A lot of people still believe starky and I lost a bunch of mutual streamers support because of this. It's one of the worst attacks I've suffered on twitter/twitch to date.
I found out a few months later he's added "outcast is racist" to the narrative he tells people and there's nothing I can do about that
This also basically ended my friendship with Marsh. I've known marsh for 7 years and hes a friend of Starkeys too. During this whole ordeal he never spoke up, it was only kyzie. I was really upset about this because i feel that Marsh could have made a significant change to how this played out if he had of just stepped in.
When he dm'd me a few weeks after asking if I'm make some free art for his project I told him no. I told him I was hurt. He said he just didn't want to get involved in drama. i think its really harmful to reduce harassment to just "drama". We've stopped talking.
Jayedskier
I met jayed though my friend weyland. I needed a 3D artists and he needed work.
Jayed had recently lost a lot of friends because during COVID he tweeted that people not social distancing at a furcon where putting disabled, high risk, people's lives in danger. Totally righteous imo.
He however also tweeted that anyone who doesn't where a mask should kill themselves and deservingly got a lot of hate and backlash. Lost a lot of friends. Since then he was pretty unwilling to comment on any political shit. Publically that is.
The first fight I got into with jayed was when Ibn reposted a Tumblr thread about the YouTuber keffals, and some of the problematic things she'd done. Jayed loves keffals so he dm'd Ibn about it and started a huge fight defending his favourite YouTuber. I stepped in to try and resolve the fight but no one was really happy.
This argument made jayed realise that he didn't have the same values as the friend group he was in. He liked keffals, he thought it was ok to say the R slur and he felt people should be allowed to support JK Rowling.
He left my discord and I contacted him trying to smooth things over. We talked for a long time and I settled on agree to dissagree the hopes to change his mind on some of these issues.
That didn't happen. Jayed kept starting fights about woke shit, even though he's a self proclaimed "leftist" and it slowly drove a wedge between us. He stopped talking to everyone in our friend group, unfollowed us all on socials.
Artists/streamer and friend Ixu had drawn a big group shot of all of us together. Weyland (who is in this friend group) was pretty angry about the whole ordeal so he asked Ixu for a version without jayed edited out. When he posted this jayed got super pissed about it.
Jayed tweeted about how unwelcoming my community was. Screen caped some DM's and changed the context. I was so angry, I had spent months continuing to offer my friend ship and trying to change his mind. One of the last fights we got into he said he was mad that "people" expected him to show support for Palestine and thats kind of the end of it.
This one hurt because it felt like a betrayal. Jayed you can get fucked dude.
Socksthewolf
This one is super recent and is basically why I decided to write this.
I can't remember how I met socks. They work in the games industry and they have a LOT of money/connections. He gives away a lot of stuff, Donates to people a lot. He very affectionate and Everyone loves him. I even accepted a bunch of charity/gifts from him and in return drew a bunch of gift art.
Socks success made a few mutuals of mine uncomfortable. He had a lot of money to put into stream so his channel grew insanely fast. I'm also told he made comments to some mutuals, comparing channel growth that made them feel bad. He ran multiple giveaways and got partner almost a year after starting stream.
There was some drama between socks and one of his mods. I tried my hardest not to get involved. Socks employs a lot of parasocial strategies in order to retain an audience so he flirts a lot and also has a persona of "I'm you dad" on stream. Idk if this counts as love bombing, but it feels similar.
I heard that one of his mods developed a crush on him and when rejected, he drank himself into the hospital. He almost died.
I spoke with this ex mod about it. He doesn't blame socks for what happened even tho he feels the rejection was harsh. I still feel that socks takes advantage of people with his gifts and parasocial friendship. This is a result of that going unchecked.
One of our mutuals found out about this and was really upset. They tweeted about it and tried to hold socks accountable. Nothing came of it.
I grew distant from socks when he started hanging out with Redmoon a lot. Because I felt close to them at the time I messaged him a about Redmoon and what happened between us. He never replied.
This story takes a dark turn when jayedskier, friend of socks, decided to make that tweet mentioned in his section. Socks also went in on someone jayed had mentioned.
This is about my good friend Weyland. Weyland had had someone very close to them pass away recently. Socks complied some tweets and chat screen caps, and made up a story of weyland threatening to kill themselves.
Some of the messages were about weylands dead friend. Socks knowingly changed the context and lied to make weyland look bad.
I honestly think this is the worst thing on this post. To use the death of someone and the personal anguish of someone and ammo for you bullshit story about them is fucking horrifying.
I replied to socks tweet about weyland, I told him what he was doing was wrong. He told me that he feels bad I'm surrounded by toxic people and that he hopes they get better.
After seeing the way socks treats his audience and the way he lied about another streamer, I genuinely believe hes some kind of abuser. Idk the vibe is REALLY off with this one. This feels worse then bullying, there's an ego about it. I've blocked socks on everything. Frankly they scare me.
Final notes
Anyway that's been my aweful experience with aweful twitch streamers. The whole thing has left me bitter and sad and I no longer want to interact with anyone. idk where to go from here.
Twitch TOS doesn't care what people say or do on other platforms. And with other streamers/mutuals so unwilling to get involved or show support I just feel alone.
I do feel compelled to speak up when I see or experience something I think isn't right. I think a lot of neurodivegant people, like myself, feel that way. But I think it's been terrible for my career. I hate the feeling that I'd be so much more successful if I'd shut my mouth and looked away. Maybe even be partner by now.
I know a lot of this comes across as just "furry drama" but i think its reductive to label it as that. Content creators who engage in these kind of harmful behaviors need to be held accountable if we want to see any positive change. And im not saying that means "CANCEL" them. some (not all) of these content creators can still learn and grow and be better. Negative attitudes and dismissive statements of "its just drama" create a space for bullies to thrive
Finally, please PLEASE do NOT under any circumstances harass anyone involved in this post. This is not an attempt to rally the masses to lynch some people, im just telling my story so that next time you see someone come forward with claims about a content creator you like you'll see the situation differently.
If you made it this far, wow. Thank you. Dunno if I'll post the vids/screencap evidence. I don't know if I care enough.
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Hi. In 2022 I got two obsessive stalkers because I made sakana content and not many people were doing that in 2022. I used to have a private blog where I would post about my personal life and process difficult feelings through projection onto characters. It wasn't art, it wasnt content, it was just me. When that blog was discovered the stalking started out as an unhealthy obsession with my personal life and idolization. When I said that I was uncomfortable with that, things went sour. A lot of personal details about my life are being spread & used as dog whistles to harass me right now. I’ve never talked about it because I have never been & am still not comfortable sharing any intimate details about myself here. It was never meant for anyone to see.
I haven't posted anything in a long time because of this. I think in a different life i would've been happy making 20-note fanart posts until all shit in the world collapsed. I never did it for anyone but myself. Its stupid i was preyed on for it. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what i did wrong or what about me made these people treat me subhuman but i dont think there was anything. It was never my fault and it wasn't my job to figure out the problems of people I never consented to having any relationship with.
I wish there was more I could say to make sure that something like this never happens to anyone else but the only thing I can think of is that I should've ran and hid sooner. Everyone says it, but i didn't think it could happen to me until it did. It was so gradual and banal that the line between “tolerable” and “too much” was so thin. Believe the best in people, but if the worst interpretation is bad you need to get out of there. Trust your gut, nice people can hurt you. Tell everyone you can about everything that makes you uncomfortable. You're not crazy.
I have never wanted anything other than for it to stop and to be left alone. I have tried everything I could to get it to stop and none of it worked. I'm no longer going to be posting here or using any sort of public social media account. Thank you to everyone who treated me with respect and was normal to me. Its important to remember that every person you see online is a real person behind the screen.
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Heyy, how are you? İ saw your requests was open so here i am 🧍can i request a hongjoong fluff or hurt comfort type of thing?? Im studying animation and game design in uni but i dont feel like i belong here. Finding motivation was always hard for me but its worse than ever in uni and my depression isnt helping either haHa- like for a while i stopped eating properly, not sleeping more than a few hours in a day and always do oil paintings, kinda locked myself home alone and cant find any strength to do something.
İf you cant write its alright tho!! Love you and your works <3
Guiding Light
Pairing: Hongjoong x gn!reader
Warnings: none, just angst with a good ending<3
Word count: 646
Author’s note: hi!! thanks for the request🤍 honestly I’m kind of going through something similar and just wanted to say that you’re not alone in this even though it might seem like it. Wishing you strength and healing on your journey as you pursue game design and animation or whatever you feel is right for you. 🌸
You sat alone in your small apartment, staring at your computer’s screen which displayed a few unfinished assignments. The room was dimly lit, mirroring the haze of emotions that consumed them. The weight of depression and anxiety had become almost too much to bear, leaving you feeling lost and disconnected. Hongjoong had noticed the subtle changes in your demeanor over the past few weeks. As he knocked softly on the door, his heart filled with concern for the person he cared deeply about.
"It's me," Hongjoong called out gently, hoping to offer some comfort in your darkest hour.
Slowly, you opened the door, your eyes reflecting a mix of sadness and relief at seeing Hongjoong's caring face. "Hey," Hongjoong said softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "I brought something for you." He held out a cup of warm tea, knowing it could be a small source of comfort. You took the cup with a weak smile, grateful for Hongjoong's presence. You settled on the couch together, the soft glow of the lamp casting a warm light around you.
"You know," Hongjoong began gently, "everyone faces moments when they doubt themselves or feel overwhelmed. It's okay to have those feelings. You don't have to be strong all the time."
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you couldn't help but spill your emotions to Hongjoong. You shared your struggles with finding motivation, your fears of not belonging, and all of the other burdens that seemed to weigh you down. Hongjoong listened attentively, his heart aching for you. "You're not alone in this," he said, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I'm here, and I care about you so much."
He pulled you into a warm embrace, creating a safe space where you could let your emotions flow freely. Hongjoong's presence was a guiding light in the darkness, offering solace and understanding.
"Sometimes, we need to take a step back and breathe," Hongjoong continued. "And it's okay to ask for help when we need it. You don't have to carry this burden alone." You clung to him, finding comfort in his words and his unwavering support. You realized that you didn't have to face your struggles alone, that Hongjoong was there to walk beside them every step of the way.
With Hongjoong's encouragement, you began to open up about how you feel with animation and game design, the dreams that had once fueled your creativity. Hongjoong listened with genuine interest, reminding you of the talent and potential you possessed.
"You are meant to be here," Hongjoong said firmly. "Your art and your creativity are unique and special. Don't let anyone or anything make you doubt that."
As the night wore on, you felt a glimmer of hope reigniting within you. Hongjoong's words acted as a balm to your wounded soul, soothing the ache of self-doubt and depression. "I'm here for you," Hongjoong said, brushing away a tear from your cheek. "And we'll get through this together. Your art, your dreams, they matter. And so do you."
In the days that followed, Hongjoong stood by your side, offering unwavering support and encouragement. They started to find motivation in your passion once again, your creativity slowly returning like the first rays of dawn after a long night.
As time passed, your art flourished once more, fueled by the newfound strength and love you had found in Hongjoong's embrace. Through the darkest of storms and the brightest of days, you held onto each other, knowing that with Hongjoong by your side, you could weather any storm and find the courage to embrace your dreams once more.
.
.
.
#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez hongjoong#hongjoong#ateez fluff#ateez angst#hongjoong angst#ateez x reader#ateez x male reader#kpop fanfic#kpop#kpop x reader#kpop x male reader#kpop fluff#kpop angst
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do you even care?! part two
• pairing : geto x fem!reader
• tags : mentions of drinking, talks about verbal fighting, (i dont know anymore.)
• a/n : i wanted to finish this tonight (tech. morning) but i got caught up playing valo w a new friend i made. 7am slump hitting hard and i just wanna post this and sleep.
• w/c : 783
you found yourself at utahimes place for the night. you were in her spare bedroom but still couldnt sleep no matter how comfortable you were, you couldnt get that fight off your mind. could you have been more mature about it?
the next morning
you felt like you barely got any sleep. you needed to go back to your house and pick up a fresh uniform from your closet. the only problem was could you face geto? of course not, you didnt wanna be the first to say anything. you decided to still go anyways cause you cant go to jujutsu high wearing some sweats and a t-shirt.
you found yourself walking to you and getos shared apartment and youre pulling out the keys from your pocket. you were absolutely praying geto wasnt in there. when you opened the door you found getos keys & shoes to be gone. you quietly whispered to yourself "yes!" as you close the front door and walk to your shared bedroom.
you quickly showered and grabbed your uniform as you left the house. you were gonna be a little late but youre sure the second-years wouldnt mind you being a couple minutes late, right?
you quickly ran into your class as you apologized for being late. you looked at your schedule and sighed out of relief as you saw it was gonna be a easy day. maki and panda had a mission together, inumaki had a mission, and okkotsu was overseas so he wasnt here. you let everyone leave as you relaxed a little. still thinking about what happened last night.
you left your classroom to go to the teachers lounge to grab a cup of coffee. you seriously need that right now, but as you walked out your classroom you saw him, geto. you had to build up the courage real quick to walk past him. you two shared glances as you bumped shoulders in the hall and once you passed him you felt embarrassment wash over you.
once you grabbed your coffee you sat at the couch in the teachers lounge on your phone scrolling on instagram. god, you felt jealous of all these girls finding happy relationships.
after work
you found yourself walking up to your shared apartment again. youre planning to grab some of your things so you can stay at utahimes place. when you opened the door you found geto sitting at the table and he looked like he was in distress. his face lit up when he saw you.
"y/n, i was hoping you would stop by. may we talk some things over at a nice dinner tonight?" you looked at him confused. where was he getting all this? "pardon?" you said. geto responded with "i dont need to repeat myself, but ill say it anyways. we are going out to dinner tonight to talk things over. i would dress nicely."
you felt confused, but you obliged. you went to your shared bathroom and got yourself ready. you put on a dark green tight dress and dark green heels to match. geto was wearing a dress shirt and a tie with some nicer pants. "why are we dressing so nicely?" you asked. all geto responded with was "cant we dress nice for a nicer restaurant?" you sighed at his answer.
you two arrived at the restaurant and you ordered some red wine. once the waiter left you spoke up first. geto seemed nervous. "so, what do you have to say for yourself. i believe im owed a explanation." geto sighed as he stood up and reached for his pocket then pulled out a ring box.
y/n l/n, will you marry me? "i promise ill explain after." you looked at him with shock, tears threatening to flow from your eyes. did geto truly love you? have you just been overthinking everything? "yes, yes suguru ill marry you!" you crash into his lips passionately and after he puts the ring on your finger. it fits perfectly. how did he ever get your ring size?
"y/n im sorry for anything ive made you feel over the last couple of months.." ive been planning this exact day out for about 3 months and right before it happens you blew up on me. its true, i had been drinking but it mostly was from the stress of planning. i just got overwhelmed was all. it was true though what we both said yesterday. my phone died and i got a new mission, but i finished up and started drinking. im sorry, i shouldve just gone home." tears burst out from your eyes your relived geto does care for you and your relationship.
made by @belovedstarrs do not copy or use in any way without permission
(thanks kal for the idea to make him propose i was very stuck on what to do)
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk anime#jjk geto#geto suguru#getou suguru x y/n#getou suguru x you#suguru geto#jujutsu geto#geto x y/n#geto x you#getou suguru x reader#geto x reader#geto smut#fanfic#writing
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Hi I have some concerns regarding your server. I don't think it's a good idea to have your Outlast server be all ages... Outlast is a very adult game and isn't appropriate for teens to be discussing with random adults in a discord server, even if the discussions aren't necessarily bad, ie just gushing over a character or whatever; it's because of the nature of the game itself that makes it inappropriate. Red Barrels themselves don't want underage ppl interacting with their content either, their website has you put your date of birth in to even look at anything, and their official server actually is 18+. There's a reason why they do that. If there are minors in the server that get upset over not being allowed in anymore, if you do decide to make it 18+, then they can create their own Outlast server only for people their own age, so that its teens talking to teens with less risk of anything sus happening. I could never tell a 14 yr old to stop liking Outlast because I was a 14 yr old who loved Outlast, but being in the fandom and discussing aspects of the game with adults wasn't appropriate for me then and it still isn't now. I'm saying this from experience. Honestly I don't think any discord server even if totally SFW and clean should have both adults and teens in it because theres too mush risk involved. I think having a server for fans of Outlast is great and I'm sure fans in the server are happy with how it is, but making the server safer for both adults and minors in the server would probably make people happier
Hello! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, I just saw this today and needed some time to collect my thoughts because I wasn’t exactly sure how to approach this in a way that aligns with my own personal values for the server and also tries to adhere to what you are asking of me. I take the safety of people, especially minors in my server extremely seriously. I also got into Outlast at a young age and have had my fair share of experiences in the fandom with creeps, usually adults or just plain weird people. My server is 13+ to be the most inclusive, while trying to simultaneously make the space as safe as possible for everyone involved. While I agree that there are absolutely sus people in this fandom (more so than others) and that it can be extremely dangerous for minors to even coexist in the fandom with these people, as i’ve literally spoken about in the past, it’s very easy for bad situations to happen. That being said, I personally find it easier and more safe to curate my space in a way where it’s inclusive to minors while also keeping it as safe as I have control over making it. The rules are specifically designed to make sure that weirdos DONT get in, and we have a very active community with moderators enforcing these rules. We don’t allow anything NSFW to get in the server outside of the specified channels, which BY THE WAY are role locked. You HAVE to be 18+ (unless you feel comfortable lying to me which I can’t really control and i don’t want to completely lock minors out of the server just over the potential of a person lying to me which will result in an immediate ban) We don’t allow any sort of discussion about anything NSFW in any channels, including conversations about sex, drugs, etc. The rules are insanely fine tuned to make things as safe as possible, and as of right now myself and mods feel it is safer to keep the server the way it is, than to kick all the ppl who are younger than 18 out to go find some other worse server or make their own which i personally don’t find to be a super safe option either. Here they are more protected imo than if they went to seek out other servers/made one that was ONLY minors. This is my personal stance on the matter, and I understand that this isn’t what you wanted to hear. For that I apologize but I will always be prioritizing the safety of the people in my server in the best way i feel that I can. I feel like under the rules we have and the safety measures instated they are the most safe in this server than one that’s completely lawless and i feel like one minor lying to me about their age is less dangerous than a creep lying about THEIR age to get into a server full of fucking minors. Doesn’t sit right with me, once again I am sorry. I will consider making the server age requirement older and speaking to the mods and members about putting even more safety things in place but like i said I just feel safer with the way things are. My dms are open for concerns btw 🤞 There is more I could say on this but I feel like this gets my feelings across the best way I can :) to me it’s like banning smthn like abortion. (weird example i know) it doesn’t stop ppl from getting them but it just makes for a safer, more sterile environment! Remember it is a FANDOM server at the end of the day and this is a very different situation than Red Barrels putting an age thing on their websites (which ppl can just lie to with yr logic lol)
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Beautiful | Stephen Strange x male reader
genre: fluff (a little bit of hurt? but i dont think it counts)
requested: no
summary: Stephen Strange, although known for having an overinflated ego, had an insecurity that nobody was shy about pointing out. Then, he's introduced to a man who never pried, and he couldn't help but fall.
a/n: this is my longest fic so far, and im a little proud of the length! in all honesty, this fic is just two different ideas mushed into one, so if it doesn't flow quite well, that would be why. also, all of my dr strange fics so far have ended in confession?? very strange... pun not intended.
word count: 3.2k
In all the time Stephen had known you, he’d never shown you his hands. From the moment Wong introduced you as his friend and every interaction since, he’d wear some form of gloves. Although he knew they were nothing to be ashamed of, he despised the scars, the bumps, the rods, and how evident the unsteadiness in his hands were without coverings. Every time he saw the unsightly things, he’d clench them into fists, and want to punch the nearest wall when even that felt weak. His mind convinced him that, if his reaction to his own hands was this bad, how much worse would it be for others? So he hid them around as many people as possible, and those who knew never brought it up.
Unfortunately, those who didn’t know were a different story. Sometimes they’d ask about his gloves, especially when it was a person he’d see often. The lady at the store, the barista at the cafe he frequented, non-magical librarians, and the rest. They’d all asked him about his gloves at least once at some point. Why he wore them, that they’d never seen him without them, that he must be hot wearing them in this weather, etcetera.
But not you. You’d never asked, never brought it up, never even so much as looked at them weirdly besides the first time you met when you’d observed them for a second longer than usual. Stephen hadn’t realized how much he was bothered by how others thought of his hands until you offered him a safe space to simply exist without consciously thinking about them, and it allowed him to feel comforted around you. He began to crave your company whenever he was being questioned about his gloves, and even just in general when he was alone. He wanted to fill every free moment he had with memories of you.
~~~
“I want to tell him.” The sound of Stephen’s voice broke the silence in the library, causing Wong to look up from the book he was looking at in confusion.
“Tell who what?” Wong took in the sight of Stephen leaning on a desk with his face resting on his hand and decided to close the book, sensing a longer conversation coming. Stephen broke his dazed gaze and looked up at the librarian, eyes conveying the message of “seriously?” clearly.
“You know who. I want to tell him about my hands!” The sorcerer stood up straight and brought both gloved hands up into clear view to emphasize his point. He then turned and started to pace around. Wong was unsure how to react. He was aware of Stephen’s developing feelings for his friend, but this was an unexpected turn of events. Although he’d shown an interest in possibly developing a romantic relationship with someone, his hands hadn’t been mentioned in any way, shape, or form.
“That's rather sudden. What brought this on?" Stephen’s pacing stopped and his body visibly tensed instead. Wong could feel the hesitance to speak undulating off of him in waves, and thought the conversation was over for a moment, until the man turned around with a look of determination in his eyes.
“He… I feel safe around him, Wong,” the man spoke as though it physically pained him to get the words out, but pressed on. “I want him to know. More. About me. I want to share parts of myself with him.” He took in a breath and started pacing again. “Is that weird? I feel like that’s weird.”
“Who would’ve thought, Doctor Stephen Strange talking about his feelings.” Wong let out an amused chuckle until it was shut down by a glare.
“Sorry.”
Wong cleared his throat before speaking again.
“I don’t think it’s weird, I think you’re just…”
“Just what?”
“Lovesick?” At that, Stephen let out an incredulous scoff and rolled his eyes so hard they nearly fell out of their sockets.
“I don’t get lovesick, Wong. I’m an adult, not some childish teenager who isn’t in control of his feelings. I-”
“Am lovesick.”
“Am not!” The man turned with a little more force than necessary, shakiness in his hands noticeable even while wearing his gloves and from afar. A few moments passed, and he took a deep breath to steady himself while Wong stood strong, chin up and proud.
“Sorry.”
“You know I’m right.”
“Yeah, I do. Dammit.” The man sighed and buried his face into his hands, only to pull them away and stare at them when the tremors got worse. Now Wong was shocked. A bit of agitation and aggressiveness wasn’t entirely out of character for the man, but admitting being wrong was a once in a lifetime occurrence.
“Do you think I should do it?” He looked up from his hands, making eye contact with the librarian. The raw vulnerability in his eyes shocked Wong even further, if that were possible.
“I can’t decide for you, Stephen. But I can say that, if you do choose to tell him, you have nothing to be afraid of.”
The two shared a quick look of understanding and Wong went back to flipping through his book while Stephen steeled his resolve and portaled away.
~~~
Even after his talk with Wong, Stephen spent a week mulling over how he would go about telling you about his past, even considering abandoning the idea altogether at times. Nevertheless, he managed to come up with a plan and ask you to come over to the Sanctum.
You arrived in the evening when the sun was a couple minutes away from beginning to set, and Stephen was a bundle of nerves trying its best to look like a functioning human being. The two of you spent a handful of minutes chatting and getting over the initial nervousness of being together alone, and ended up sitting on a couch somewhere in the endless building.
“So, why’d you call me over here?” You inquired during a halt in conversation, taking a sip of the tea Stephen made.
“Can’t I ask a friend over? To socialize and talk?” Even to him, the attempt at steering the conversation away from the main point was pathetic. He winced when you raised an eyebrow at him.
“Right, because you’re just so sociable.” You placed the teacup on the coffee table in front of you and turned your body to face the other man on the couch. He did the same, but chose to look at his gloved hands that sat on his lap instead.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah—yeah, everything’s fine. I just—” He let a sigh slip from his lips and looked up from his hands, choosing to look at your face instead. After a moment of silence and thinking, he spoke.
“Why haven’t you asked about my hands?”
Well that wasn’t what he meant to say.
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and you started to grow a bit worried since he hadn’t ever brought up the topic of his hands around you.
“Well, it’s not really my business, is it? Sure, I was curious, but if I needed to know, you’d tell me in your own time.” You chose to answer his question honestly and it seemed to be the right choice as the sorcerer seemed a bit more relaxed.
“Right. Speaking of telling you, that’s actually why I asked you here today.” He took in a breath and let it out slowly.” I think you know I used to be a neurosurgeon, but the reason I looked for Kamar-Taj was… Ah, it might be better to just show you, actually.” You watched as he began tugging off his gloves, the action hesitant at first. Then you saw the “fuck it” moment in his expression, and his gloves were off in a blink. You thought your expression was fairly neutral, but Stephen was able to see the shock in your eyes and heard the sharp intake of breath through your nose.
“You can touch them, if you want,” he commented when he noticed your hands hovering in front of you, as though they wanted to touch but weren’t sure if they were allowed. You looked up at his face, gaining confirmation that he meant the words through the sincerity in his eyes. You also caught a trace of nervousness, and your heart softened. This meant a lot to him. You knew Stephen wasn’t the type to open up easily, and this moment was one of extreme vulnerability. The fact that he trusted you enough to share it with you could’ve brought tears to your eyes.
Focusing back on his hands, you tentatively reached out and scooped one up in each hand, allowing your thumbs to trace over some of the scars and rods inside of his fingers. Your hands shook as well, but they were as still as statues in comparison to the trembling of his.
“I got into a car accident. Well, more like I drove myself off a cliff because of my overinflated ego.” He chuckled, but there was little humor in his voice. “A lot of the scars are from surgeries, to get them to stop shaking. Safe to say they didn’t work. The only thing they did was make my hands look hideous.” At that, you looked back up at his face in shock.
“You think they’re hideous?” His expression shifted to one of confusion.
“Yes? Do you not see them? They’re mangled and—and broken, they’re more metal than skin and bones, they’re—”
“Beautiful.”
You didn’t think it was possible for someone to look that astonished.
“At least, that’s what I think.” When it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak anytime soon, you continued. “I mean, like you said, you used to be a surgeon, right? That couldn’t have been easy, so it’s pretty crazy that they were capable of surgery. Even now, they’re doing incredible sorcery and saving lives—because you want to save them, not as a side effect of greed this time.” Although it may have sounded mean, you knew Stephen used to be driven by money and ego, and you knew he was thinking that as a rebuttal, so you had to get it out of the way. “But besides what they can do, I think they’re great just because they’re yours, and I think you’re pretty great, Stephen. Your scars tell a big part of your story and what made you who you are now, even if it wasn’t the prettiest process.”
That was when the waterworks began. It was only a few tears slowly rolling down his cheeks, but they held the weight of a waterfall of emotion. When he realized, he sniffed and quickly pulled his hands away to wipe the tears away with them, looking away.
“God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to start crying, I just…” He trailed off and looked back at you who looked at him with such understanding, patience, and openness that a few more tears slipped out.
“I think I really needed that.”
When you embraced him in the most comforting hug he’s ever experienced, he knew.
He knew that he was utterly and irrevocably in love with you.
~~~
“The queerbaiting was terrible! They could’ve made the most iconic gay couple in all of film history, but they threw it away for a poory forced together last minute hetero couple.”
You were currently dragging Stephen along with you to take a walk because you insisted that “the weather’s so nice today, we should enjoy it!” and he couldn’t ever say no to you, and you ended up ranting about a TV show and why you hated it. Stephen didn’t really understand as he didn’t watch new films often, but was too busy staring at you to care. Anyone could see the pure love and admiration in his eyes as he drank in your figure under the warm light of the sunset, wishing that he could hold your hand or lean in and kiss you more than anything. As the sun went down and the streetlights turned on, the two of you settled into a comfortable silence. Silence that was soon interrupted by the sounds of rain hitting the pavement around you.
“Ah, shit. I didn’t think it was gonna rain,” you shivered and crossed your arms over your chest in an attempt to maintain some warmth. Immediately, Stephen pulled the cloak in the form of a scarf from his neck, allowed it to transform back into a cloak, and slipped it over your shoulders in a single smooth movement. He held on to the lapels and adjusted it, making your bodies face each other. The action made you look up at him with a smile and a raised eyebrow that made it impossible for the sorcerer to look away.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like that! I just don’t want you to get sick.”
“So you do care about me!” At that he rolled his eyes and couldn’t help the soft smile that formed on his face.
“Yes, I do.” Suddenly, the surrounding air became charged and it felt silent even with the deafening hammering of the rain around you.
“I care about you a lot, actually.” His words came out so quietly you wouldn’t have been able to hear them had you not been so close. When did you get so close? You decided it didn’t matter because, as he slid his hands down to your back, the contact between your bodies became all that mattered.
“I know this might seem a little sudden, but I have something I need to tell you.” Stephen swallowed the lump in his throat and took a shaky breath in an attempt to steel his nerves before speaking again. You slid one of your hands up to his bicep, starting to rub little shapes in what you hoped was a soothing action.
“I already told you that I care about you, but I don’t think you understood exactly what I meant by that.” He swallowed again and took a baby step closer to you, chests now nearly touching. “I meant that I care about you more than platonically. More than as a friend, and definitely more than a friend of a friend.”
Before continuing his speech, he made a hesitant and shaky move to bring one of his hands up to cup your face. It shook even as he rested it on your face, and even more as he tried brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. He pressed his lips together in what seemed like a look of defeat, and you brought your hand up to hold his. At this point, both of you were soaked in rain water, but the heat of the moment felt like more than enough to keep the cold at bay.
“I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I… I think I…” He started to look away, eyes shut tight, and his hands dropped to his sides. “Dammit, why can’t I just-”
“Stephen.”
He still didn’t look back at you, so you did what he had moments ago and brought the hand on his arm up to his face, softly angling it to look at you again.
“Stephen.”
This time he didn’t look away, although he seemed a bit embarrassed.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“I do, but it’s a little hard to just confess that I’m in love with you out of nowhere, isn’t it?”
He froze, like the words escaped a tight jail cell made specifically for them. Meanwhile, a grin formed on your face, like the words had entered a special place in your heart made specifically for them.
“You’re in love with me?” You stepped just a bit closer, chests now touching, and you let your hand caress the side of his face. He seemed to unfreeze with every movement.
“Yeah, I am.” He was finally responsive, bringing his hands to the middle of your back.
“Good, because I’m in love with you too.”
“Is that so?”
You hummed in response.
“In that case, I have another confession to make.”
“Shoot.”
“I’d very much like to kiss you right now.” He leaned in close enough for the tips of your noses to graze each other, but with enough room for you to pull away if you wanted to. Your grin widened.
“What a coincidence, I’d like that too.”
“Oh, shut up.” And with that, he finally leaned in to close the gap between your lips.
Your hand slid to the back of his neck, slightly pulling him in closer if that were even possible, and he did the same by tugging you in by the waist. The rain continued to pour, and you eventually had to pull away with a laugh because of how messy the kiss was getting due to the rain. When you did, you were met with the breathtaking sight of Stephen, hair glued to his forehead from the rain, and smiling more vibrantly than you had ever seen. The streetlight only served to make him seem more angelic.
Little did you know, he felt the same. Your affection and love freely flowing through your eyes into your expression and body language, all directed at him, was overwhelmingly positive. He felt it in his heart that this moment would be cherished for the rest of his life.
Your laughter settled, and after a handful of seconds of simply staring at each other, you shivered. The fire in your veins wasn’t enough to keep the cold at bay after all.
“We should head back,” Stephen reached into his pocket for his sling ring and created a portal to the sanctum. Specifically, his bedroom.
“Oh, Stephen. You’re awfully forward today, aren’t you?” You teased as you stepped into the portal, cringing a bit when the rain water dripped off of you and formed a small puddle on the ground.
“That’s not—god, you’ll be the death of me.” He followed you in, heading straight for the bathroom connected to his bedroom and pulling out a couple towels. It was then he realized the issue.
“I should’ve portaled you home, huh?” He looked up from the towels in his hands to you who leaned on the doorway of the bathroom, the cloak of levitation floating behind you in the bedroom.
“You get it now?” You laughed softly as you stepped into the bathroom, reaching for one of the towels in the sorcerer’s hands. “It’s alright, we can just take turns with the shower.” Before he could suggest otherwise, you leaned in close enough to feel his warm breath on your cheeks. “Or, we could shower together?” The last thing you saw before a towel was thrown into your face was a wonderful blush growing on Stephen’s face.
In the end, he agreed to your initial solution because he didn’t want the night to end quite yet. You showered first and he lent you some clothes to change into. Your time together stretched into ungodly hours of the night and was spent cooking and eating dinner, talking, and a little bit of kissing. When it was time for you to leave, Stephen created a portal to the front of your apartment door, watched you go inside (even though it was literally only a few feet away), and spent another hour or so in bed replaying the events of the day and enjoying the warmth bubbling under his skin. It was safe to say you were in no better condition.
#stephen strange x male reader#stephen strange x reader#dr strange x male reader#dr strange x reader#dr strange fanfic#stephen strange fanfiction#marvel x male reader#fluff#marvel fluff#stephen strange fluff
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Is there a ship or song you've been wanting to talk about? If so, share it! (I can't think of a ship other than the ones I've already asked about...)
current fandom interest would be hazbin hotel (unfortunately) so... i guess ill be talking about that.
out of all of the rarepairs ive concocted for that questionable amalgamation of a cartoon, my favourite has to be alastiel, or alstor and zestial (i saw one person refer to it as "victorianradio" but as far as i know zestial died during the rule of the tudors). i was inspired by the fact that zestial is the only male character, let alone the only person, that alastor treats with an iota of respect. zestial is so powerful and long-lived that he even makes alastor visibly nervous, which is saying something. zestial, despite his lofty rank, seems to admire alastor for his air of mystery (he calls him an "enigma", almost fondly) and alastor takes this as "quite the compliment". theyre both terribly old fashioned and i think theyd at least get along very well.
as far as songs go, ive only found one - their vibe is really hard for me to pin down because im essentially working from scratch. i dont have any prior songs that really fit them.
the song in question is valentine (laufey), and it would be from alastors point of view.
ive rejected affection for years and years, now i have it and damnit its kind of weird. he tells me im pretty, dont know how to respond. i tell him that hes pretty too - can i say that? dont have a clue.
i love the idea of alastor being the bashful party for once - in most, if not all, of his popular ships (radiostatic, radiobelle, radiohusk, radiodust) hes either got a cryptic upper hand by way of riddles and his magic, or hes dissolved into a flustered rage by a bombardment of sexual innuendo. zestial is old as the hills and patient as death and in my opinion not terribly into the whole sex thing either, so hes perfectly happy to wait until alastor stops fumbling and figures himself out.
if im to be frank, its a bit of a projection on my part too - alastor is canonically somewhere on the aroace spectrum, and i also consider myself as such, and considering a potential romance with zestial is kind of me thinking about a sort-of personal fantasy of mine and how i approach love and intimacy, both in fiction and in real life. id love to write it for the public one day, and maybe someone else who feels the same way as i do will be comforted.
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Hello! I hope you're having a good day!
So many people in my life seem to be going through something right now, and I just wanted to give you an opportunity to share anything you might be going through. Good or bad, as specific or as vague as you're comfortable with. Or feel free to ignore if you'd rather not. No pressure at all!
I hope things are going well for you! But if not, I'll be sending prayers your way if you're comfortable with that!
I am... not.
and i haven't for a long time
I'll preface this entire post with a warning: THIS IS A VENT POST
the only tags will be trigger warnings
I thinks i've said it once or twice, but I started school this year. This is my first year in college after taking a gap year and also telling everyon i wasnt gonna go. I know jack shit about what im doing and its fucking exhausting. Theres so many things that i feel like I should know but dont because all the college information given out in my highschool was geared toward the college in that town specifically, which is not the college im going to.
I've also moved. im entirely on my own, physically and financially. I just met with my job and am starting very soon which is not good because my sleep schedule is all wrong. I may be switching jobs soon, but i can't just quit becuase, like i said, im on my own.
and those are only the big two. lets speedrun this. my anxiety, my autism, i need new glasses, my feet hurt more than i think they should, im a system, my eating disorder, my aversions that make it hard to drink the water up here, the burnout, the exhaustion, executive dysfunction, i also likely have adhd which mean rsd. im touch starved and touch adverse
those are just what i can think of off the top of my head
but all of this had been leading to what might be a pretty nasty breakdown and soon.
im so fucking tired all the time and that makes it hard to draw, but thats one of my only ways to relax. i like playing mc, but i get bored easily and also i cant sit at my desk for long becuase it feels like my head is too heavy for my neck. it hurts. everything hurts and my job doesnt help me at fucking all.
i was able to draw tsob while dealing with most of my issues becuase all i had to worry about was work. looking at my current schedule, i can find the free time. the issue is using that freetime to draw and not just sleep or dissociate. finding home is very dear to me, but drawing it the way i am can be exhausting and i dont want to start hating it, so i just.. dont draw it most days
i stress constantly about how i appear on my blog becuase i want so badly to do this right. i want to be good at something, like, as a person, not just as an artist. but i hate myself too much to believe in any progress i make.
i know its the rsd mostly but i see groups and i feel gross. its not as bed now (any of you beans that have made it this far, ily /p) becuase i found a community i can actually interact with, but it still comes up, especially because i've moved away from all my irl friends and its so fucking hard for me to make them in the first place. like.. actual friends, not just people i can work with at school
if i keep going i'll probably talk myself in circles, so ill stop it here. theres a lot more but im not going to ramble about my suicidal, intrusive, or sh thoughts on this blog. this is a post to inform you guys of the state of mind im in. im lonely and sad and its all building up to a massive breakdown.
im not going to be leaving tumblr or giving up on my comic, but i probalby wont update as often as i did tsob. i just dont have the energy.
i also will probably post some of my traditional art cuz i gotta fill up a sketchbook for my animation class, so that also takes away from the time i use to draw digitally.
im so tired
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im kinda new here to this blog, and im sorry if this annoys you but im a harry potter fan and (assuming you dont like it because of jk rowling being transphobic) im not transphobic or anything of the sort, i have lots of trans friends who i love and support. just because we like the franchise doesnt mean WE'RE transphobic too. and in your dni part in your pinned post saying that harry potter fans cant interact i feel like thats not really fair to us potterheads that are decent and fun people that also enjoy the franchise.
again, really if this is an inconvenience, i just wanted to share why i thought that part of your pinned post wasnt really fair, i hope you have an awesome rest of your day
hey anon! rising from the dead to post this lol. I have a whole list of reasons why I have that DNI (listed below) however the short answer is, as an ex-fan myself, I don’t feel safe around fans excusing her actions for the sake of nostalgia, so feel free to simply not follow me! <3
I understand your intent with this. Harry Potter was my first ever form of comfort media growing up, and it’s held a place in my heart for years.
however, looking back, Harry Potter included racism and antisemitism (one of the few canonically black characters being named ‘Shacklebolt,’ Cho Chang, those two Indian girls I forget the names off, pretty much everything about the gringotts goblins and the arc with the house elves that enjoy being slaves, which is literally the excuse enslavers used during civil war here in America), which is reason enough to not want it’s fans to interact.
JK herself is also a terrible person, which you seem to already be aware of, supporting businesses made by people who identify with the terms TERF and feminazi. again, I get that you find enjoyment and maybe even comfort in the stories. but many minorities, not just trans people, have asked for people to stop showing support of her or her series. I don’t have Twitter so I can’t back up this future claim, but I have also been told that jk takes any support of her media, even if those people who like it don’t align with her beliefs, as support of her beliefs as well
I have also been told that JK is using her money to basically be the main financial funder of transphobia in the UK (I am American so feel free to correct me on that, UK followers :])
but overall, here’s the important part: if your allyship (or inter-community support) of black, Jewish, trans, Asian, etc. people (<- at least those are the main four I see asking for people to stop supporting jk or hp) stops when you enjoy something, you are not an ally. you seem to be using your trans friends as an excuse but that does not blind me from the fact you are actively engaging in media made by someone who has harmed many minorities and refuses to acknowledge or change her ways.
I, too, have friends in the minorities effected by JK’s bigotry. I have Jewish friends and black friends and Asian friends and pretty much my entire friend group is trans. plus, I’m trans myself. and all of them that I’ve talked to about this have said pretty much the same thing: we do not feel safe around you guys, and will not feel safe as long as you continue to side with Harry Potter or JK in any way
your fandom allows racist, anti-jew, transphobic people to thrive. don’t blame me for wanting to avoid that (‘not all Harry Potter fans’ and ‘not all men’ are pretty much the same, except you have to choose to be a fan of Harry Potter)
anyways I’m not gonna talk about this anymore, I’m not really made for the discourse side of the internet. I just wanted to share my perspective, as a trans person and someone who used to be a fan since childhood, in the hopes that maybe you were just ignorant (as younger me was) to this stuff. there are a million other posts on this site and others explaining (and explaining better than I probably did) why supporting Harry Potter is supporting jk, and why even if it wasn’t, it’s still a red flag to many minorities. I hope you continue to educate yourself and put your money where your mouth is in terms of supporting trans people
(also literally what was the point of this ask? what were you expecting to happen? /gen)
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