#and i get that healing and progress isn't linear
Text
Treatment
“Take this pill,” They say.
Take this pill and it should work
In a month,
Three months,
Six.
Take this pill,
And it will make you tired.
They all make you tired,
Because they act on the brain,
You see.
Take this pill,
“We’re sorry the others didn’t work.”
We will smile
Sympathetically.
We do care.
Take this
Pill.
It will make you dizzy.
Take this
Injection.
Since it is treatment resistant
Now.
It will hurt,
It will make you itch.
You can still keep taking the old ones,
In case they end up working
Too.
Take this pill,
It should work in one month,
Three months,
Six.
No, we don’t know
Why this is happening.
We don’t know
How to fix it.
Your blood screening was
Normal.
Your CT scan was
Normal.
Take this pill.
-Lane Aconite,
March 5th, 2023
#poetry#my work#lane archives#chronic pain#chronic migraines#chronic illness#this poem is still pretty ouch#the us medical system can really suck in its cyclical lack of progress regarding finding out what's “wrong” with a person#due to crazy long wait times for appointments & processing referrals as well as 4 profit health insurance#my chronic migraines had to escalate into epilepsy for me to be seen by an actual neurologist and be taken seriously & even now I still fee#neglected by the system#not because my drs are bad but because they're overloaded with patients#it's really exhausting & difficult to have to fight at every turn to receive the care we need & deserve when we're bent over in pain#in my experience this repetitive cycle really broke down my ability to advocate for myself for a while because I was just too depressed#but hey if you're reading this and you relate: I love you. You deserve to feel better and to be supported by your physicians#I'm getting better care now but healing isn't linear#and if you have insurance & you're feeling absolutely fucking crushed by the system pls look up if they have a nurse advice line & call the#to see if they're able to set up a complex care coordination plan & if the nurses themselves can set up appointments for you#it really helps to have an insurance lady or 3 you can call to set up appts & referrals or check on them to see where they're stuck#I could write a poem dedicated to all the wonderful women in social services who are literally saving my life every time they call
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Choose an animal. What your higher self trying to tell you.
Pile 1 - bear
If you were in a hermit mood, it's time to go back to the world again. It's important to take a break and charge the batteries, but don't isolate yourself for too long. Try to find the balance in your life. I feel the answer you seek is already there. You know the answers, but you don't listen to your intuition. Don't give up, your goals are so close, closer than you think. Just keep going, just push a little longer. Be persistent and you will achieve what you want. If you want to find true love, it's possible that someone is already coming towards you. But you need to be open, don't be afraid to love. Even if you are in a relationship, some friend or mentor will come into your life, and you will be more harmonious. Also if you made mistakes in the past, it's okay, nobody is perfect. Just don't live in the past, you need to stand up and look forward, not backwards now.
Pile 2 - penguin
Have more faith in yourself. You have all the ability to succeed. If there are some negative people in your life, fighting with them is not worth it. Some people are jealous because they don't have the courage to try. But you have, so just keep going, even if you fail sometimes, it's okay. Your hard work will pay off. I think you have some big plans, and right now, in this period of your life, you really need to stay focused and work hard. Look at the bigger picture, try to plan ahead. But also you need to be more grateful, maybe you are not when you want to be, but still you made progress. And don't forget to sleep enough, take care of yourself too, don't work until you get burned out.
Pile 3 - duck
I feel there are some heartbreak or bad memories here. And you need to know that it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to take some time off. You need to be gentle with yourself now. And even if you feel like you relapse a little, it's okay too, healing isn't a linear progress. But you can learn from everything and sometimes we can find the positive in bad experiences too. There are still good things in your life, try to focus on this. Try to focus on what matters, and who matters. Wasting your energy at bad people isn't worth it. And if something won't matter really in the future, why worry about it? You need to be patient with yourself, but keep going. Soon, you will feel better, stable, calmer. Your work will pay off. And probably you will have someone in your life who will be a real blessing. For some of you, you need to literally move to another place if you can. If not, somebody caring, nice, mature will help you soon.
356 notes
·
View notes
Note
Having some mad fuckboy!Leon thoughts rn
After he's unlearned all the stuff he taught himself and is basically done with the whole fuckboy thing oh man he would be SO soft. Holding your hand? Check. Cuddling at his dorm? Check. Being more gentle and loving during sex? Also check.
Also, stealing his hoodies. He'd melt for sure
oh, for sure. healed fuckboy!leon would be a SIGHT TO BEHOLD.
he wouldn't be perfect...
progress isn't linear. he'd stumble a lot. make a lot of mistakes and backward steps. you would need to be patient. you would need to be careful. especially in the early stages. because damn, he's trying. he's trying so hard. and you need to acknowledge the effort, even if it's hard to see, because any praise towards this will mean so much to him.
it'd come out especially on his bad days. he's more impatient. short-tempered. lashes out over seemingly mundane things. you'll need to be firm but not demeaning. catch his tells, his habits, and figure out the real reason he's behaving the way he is.
you'll need to slowly teach him the true depth of his words. that they hurt you just as much as they hurt him. he's unfamiliar with the idea of accountability, so you need to teach him about consequences. let him know you're upset and angry at him. but just because you're upset doesn't mean he's irredeemable. he'll assume any pushback is you ending things permanently. he needs the space to fuck up and forgive himself.
and damn it all, he's the jealous type. possessive. protective as all hell. it's toxic, and you need to teach him boundaries. it'll be tough. he worked so fucking hard to get you, doesn't he deserve to have you the way he needs? but no. you need freedom. he'll learn eventually, but be prepared to send a lot of "im safe and i miss u" texts to him when you're out with friends.
speaking of toxic. the toxic masculinity will be hell to unpack. sometimes it's nice! he insists on you being passenger princess. he insists on picking up the bill (well, once you're actually dating). he doesn't mind taking care of spiders (and fine, just because you asked nicely, he won't kill them). but...the bads get real bad.
displaying any kind of vulnerable emotion is like pulling teeth. when he's nervous, scared, anxious...he'll take it out on others. or himself. early progress will be made when he's blackout drunk and spilling everything to you. he reveals the deepest, most fragile parts of himself on these nights. it's like he's an entirely different person. and the next morning he'll do his best to sweep it all under the rug, but you have to fight for it. accept him and love him despite how "totally fucking lame" he acted (his words, not yours).
that being said. the good parts? oh yeah. Boyfriend Material 100%.
he'd do anything for you. anything. don't even say shit as a joke because he'll do it. at a certain point he doesn't even care if his friends think he's being stupid. you're his whole world. he'd wear stupid t-shirts for you. go to that concert you're dying to see even if he thinks the music sucks. he'll bash his head into a wall and learn to bake french pastries if it'll get you to smile. through hell and high water, he'll follow.
and yeah, he weans himself off social media. stops posting thirst trap photos and cuts ties with his sneaky links. but the lack of external validation is felt, and it kind of falls on you to fill the void. clingy won't even begin to describe what he is. he'll resort to begging. he will. late to work in the morning? that's not his problem. you're staying in that damn bed and you are cuddling him. you think him wearing tank tops in the middle of December is just a dumb mistake, but you catch on quick when he starts to shiver and needs to huddle you for warmth. "you want me to die of hypothermia? c'mon, babe. get closer." and yeah. those ice cold hands are going straight on your stomach. have fun.
part of the excitement will come from truly learning who he is as a person. most of his herculean facade is a persona. he doesn't actually like beer. he likes dry whiskey and refined clear liquors. he doesn't actually enjoy parties. the crowds make him nauseous, and he can always blame it on the alcohol. he's not actually all that into sports. you figure out he has a well-loved public library card and he knows the mystery section like the back of his hand. he's vibrant. shockingly intelligent. gets that light in his eyes when you nudge him about his interests. it'll be hard to get him to admit it, but his favorite part of the week is huddling on the couch watching nature documentaries with you.
and it's a two-way street. he remembers everything about you. early on in your relationship you casually assume he'll never keep track of the important dates. that's the stereotype, right? you couldn't be more wrong. birthdays. anniversaries. doctor's appointments. your fucking dog's yearly vaccine. he won't necessarily go all-out, not until you're more of a long-term thing, but what he does is meaningful. sincere. you won't get $500 of flowers and chocolate for valentine's day, but he'll abduct you from work, drive you out far, far into the countryside. lay out a patchwork blanket and stare at the night sky. he brought your favorite brand of pita chips and sneakily worms a gift box in your hand. it's that stupid $15 thing that's been sitting in your online shopping cart for weeks that you could never justify buying. and yeah, he'd appreciate a blowjob under the stars, but seeing you happy is enough.
and you could never begin to imagine how loving and passionate he can get during sex. it's totally different than his usual flavor. casual hook-ups and one-night stands are merely a fraction of his power. he tends to avoid intimate gestures on those nights. no eye-contact. hardly any kissing. he likes it rough and he likes it fast. but with you? he takes his time. commits your body to muscle memory. his gaze is intense, and he watches every reaction, trying to map out your flesh like a cartographer. he'll happily make out with you for upwards of a couple hours before you even begin the real foreplay. and you always cum first. always.
oh, but if you're not a fan of PDA...he might be a problem. he's proud of you. you're the hottest thing on two legs as far as he's concerned. he'll have no issue grabbing your ass, wrapping a hand around your waist, kissing along your neck, whispering the most obscene things in your ear. it's not even to make a point. there's no rhyme or reason. he just wants to. and you're right there. and what right does the world have to tell him to stop? does it make people uncomfortable? who cares. he'll lay off if it really bugs you that much...but if he catches anyone staring at you too long he'll ramp it up. it's almost aggressive. you turn to scold him, noticing how his eyes aren't even on you. he's staring at someone else. someone who's looking at what's his.
he's a yes man, too. if you need restraint and careful guidance in your life...he's not the one. he'll support any weird, out of the blue hobby you want to pursue. if you even joke about quitting your job he'll egg you on. "i'll drive right up there and tell your boss i'll fuck his wife!" and you have to talk him down. he'll punch the sun for you. he'll be behind every impulsive purchase. every 4am trip to walmart. every instinct to feed your id. any "little treat" you want to have he'll get it. because you deserve the best. if you ever want to have a stable bank account you need the be the voice of reason. because it's not gonna be him.
yeah. he'll have a lot of problems. don't worry about that. but, at least with fuckboy!leon, you'll almost never have any doubts that he loves you. once you manage to pin his heart on his sleeve, it's there for life and it'll always be yours.
373 notes
·
View notes
Text
Catra and Adora were taught to physically fight from the time they were young children, which I think is so interesting because we see the negative impact of that on their relationship. Obviously that's an unhealthy way to deal with things. They don't really know how to express their emotions or vulnerability very well. In Adora's words, she's used to punching her feelings out. In their horde days we see that one of the main ways they express affection for each other is roughhousing. Constantly. They mainly just tackle each other and playfight. It's a kind of physical touch that's more easily allowed within their framework than any kind of gentleness. While that's partially due to their dynamic in general, it quickly becomes sinister once they're actually on opposite sides of the war and are fighting with the intention to defeat. Another user posted about their fighting and the unspoken emotion behind it since they haven't been taught to express themselves in a heathy way (couldn't find the post so feel free to tag OP!). Because of their particular kinds of trauma, neither of them are able to be vulnerable and listen to the other while also explaining their feelings. For the first four seasons they're pretty much shouting at each other without any active listening going on. That lack of vulnerability and understanding is symbolized by their physical fights. What makes season 5 so good (at least in part) is The Shift™️ to gentleness.
Adora's been in an environment with people around her who have helped her start to recover from her trauma. Catra just starts to get that chance once she's rescued from horde prime. And it takes time. There's a lot to unpack there and it's not easy, but slowly Catra starts to heal as well away from the Horde. And their dynamic changes. We still see moments when they regress (their fight immediately after Save the Cat and the scene where Catra leaves again both moments when they aren't really listening to what the other person is saying - healing isn't linear), but there's something else there as well. They put their hands on each other's cheeks, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder, they cradle each other, Catra holds Adora's shoulders as she helps her to the heart. And there's the moment in the spaceship where they've been fighting once again and Catra's exterior breaks and she's vulnerable. Catching Adora's wrist, her hand slides down to gently caress Adora's and she asks her to stay. This moment mirrors the moment in the first season where Adora catches Catra's wrist, asking her to come with her and Catra pulls away. Rather than the wrist (still a somewhat detached touch), Catra's hand slides down intentionally taking her hand. Ughhhhhh. My little heart. Before when they're holding hands, it's usually accidental or almost unavoidable during a fight. They're pulling each other off of cliffs or grabbing hands in a mind-bending reenactment of their memories. But this is something else: intentional gentleness which I think is such a crucial element of Catra's redemption, the development of their relationship, and the healing of their trauma.
Once Catra is out of the horde, she has the chance to start to feel safer and is able to be more emotionally vulnerable along with the fact that there are boundaries. Violence won't be tolerated and Catra has to change her behavior in order to be close to Adora, which I think is important. They start listening to each other and helping each other heal by validating the other's needs while putting themselves in each other's shoes. This peaks at the moment that Catra is finally able to express her love for Adora, which she's never had the ability to do before because of her insecurity, trauma, and fear of vulnerability. With that narrative resolution and progression, they finally kiss. Gentleness and vulnerability is what they were never allowed before and it's the thing that embodies their healing. Nothing that hasn't been said before by other posters but ughhhhhhhhhhhhh
#that was so long goddamn#i was supposed to be doing other things but brainrot i guess#it's a complex narrative that champions both accountability and healing which I appreciate#catradora#spop#shera#catra#adora#adora x catra
619 notes
·
View notes
Text
azula in fanfiction
i really, deeply adore when fics explore azula after the war. when they give her the space to be different, to be messy and unhealed and traumatized. I really really love when writers give azula the space to be a multi-dimensional character who is not just a villain. when they decide: no, azula is not just a villain. she's not just mentally ill. she's not just her trauma. she is a multitude of things and I will now express that.
I think most notably of Once Around the Sun by eleventy7. The farewell to Azula in their fic (I promise, no serious spoilers) has stayed with me since I read it. I think about it, nearly, every day. The heart of that fic, honestly, is Azula to me. Without her, it wouldn't be the same story or have the same effect. I will always think about Akina. (read the fic, you'll get it).
More recently, I really adored how @wewere-angels wrote Azula's change and healing in everything i am (sorry, i won't shut up about this fic). The way that instead of Azula being isolated both in-story and out; she is surrounded by her family and friends. She is allowed connections and to heal; to regress and progress again. She isn't on a linear track of one thing: healed or insane. And I love it. (Thank you).
#text post#zutara fanfiction#zutara#zutara fics#atla#atla fanfic#atla fanfiction#katara#zuko#azula#azula fanfiction#azula fanfic#wewere-angels#eleventy7#everything i am#everything i am fanfic#once around the sun#once around the sun fanfic#please read this fics#they've changed me#they've changed what i like to see in a zutara story.
120 notes
·
View notes
Note
Headcanons about qPhil and chronic pain? And maybe how people get him to actually get help?
WOOOO bet :D
qPhil headcanons masterlist
I'd like to note that since Phil doesn't think of qPhil has having chronic pain bc the circumstances of his injuries/pain are different, I don't either. HOWEVER, that bitch still has hella ouched meechos.
There are 100% days where he just cannot get out of bed. It hurts too much to move and even more to stand. He has to be bedridden on his stomach and let his wings breathe and rest, though he's a very restless person and gets very agitated when understimulated.
He tries to power through the pain unless it's a day where Chayanne & Tallulah are sleeping all day, then he'll give himself a day off.
Aka Eggza days actually do him some good besides stocking up on cookies for the kids LOL
He HATES that progress/healing isn't linear. It's a little funny to witness bc it's just him being salty as hell. God he is SO pressed about it, what do you MEAN he's not getting better day by day every day so hopefully in a few months he can fly again!! This is bullshit!!
The occasional warm soak in a bath does him wonders. It's a struggle not to flap around in the water like a birdbath though, it's a reflex
He tries to do morning stretches and the like, only doing as much as his wings/back will allow though, just to make sure things don't get worse instead of better
He's trying to ignore the fact that even when he heals enough for flying to be an option, he won't be straight back to it full throttle (he is also salty about this)
He's very intensely Do Not Touch My Wings but Chayanne & Tallulah are exceptions. Like I said in another set of hcs, Tallulah's wing hugs are everything to him
Someone get him stoned. CBD would do this man wonders pain relief-wise
Tbh he's his own worst enemy sometimes, he's too stubborn to be as lenient on himself as he should be and he just hurts himself more and makes life harder on himself
Often times he just sleeps off the pain if he can, it usually works
Or,, sometimes he eats a couple gapples : )
One thing he'll never do is ice his back to deal with the aches, he'd rather explode. Cold BAD.
Tbh he'd be more willing to rest if he had Missa around to cuddle and chill with him all day during the times he should stay in bed
I'm obligated to joke that Tallulah/Missa have joked to him about fixing it with vaporub
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cherry Magic has graced anime fans with the first gay marriage in anime history. That coming from a country where same-sex marriage is still quite some lightyears away from becoming legal, is huge. The first spirtually recognised same-sex marriage in Japan dates back to 2016. Although society has becoming more accepting over the past few years and queer activists keep fighting for equal rights, queer people in Japan are still being discriminated (this Wikipedia article on LGBT rights in Japan is quite comprehensive about the legal situation). If you want to know what that's like, read Ryousuke Nanasaki's honest and down-to-earth biography Until I Meed My Husband--he's an LGBTQ+ activist and the lucky guy who, together with his partner, made history as the first gay couple getting married at a shrine.
At present, Japan is the only G7 nation that neither recognises same-sex marriage nor has a law to protect queer minorities. As of 2023, the current ruling party, the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP), regards homosexuality as a disorder and claims it can be healed with spiritual practices and therapy, and that same-sex unions should be discouraged because they destroy the traditional image of family and society.
Please let that sink in for a moment.
But then I see people (mostly on the bird site, I think) screaming "But my favourite gay anime should have been the first to have a gay marriage!!! LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US!!1!!111!!!1"™
Embarrassingly, most of these people are from my own fandom. And I'm seriously wondering whether these people are okay if this is all they care about.
YOI was very progressive for the time it was made in (it aired in the same year Ryousuke Nanasaki married his partner in a shrine). But when you start digging and read the interviews with the creators and put them into context with the reactions from Japanese anime fans, the reality of queers living there, and the obstacles the director had to overcome to make her vision reality, you can't unsee that YOI was too progressive for it's time.
Sometimes I wonder if growing up in a country that has estabilshed marriage equality years ago, makes people blind to overlook the systematic queerphobia queer people face in countries with a still mostly conservative collective mindset, even more so as seeing a country through the lens of fiction doesn't give a realistic picture of its society and the struggles its marginalised groups face (especially when these struggles aren't portrayed realistically in those works). And this is such a weird ironic since the queer stories we love with all our heart because they paint a the picture of a queer utopia are born from this society.
Progress isn't a linear process and it doesn't happen overnight. Two steps forward can mean one step back. If you push too far before society is ready for it, brace yourself for the backlash. No groundbreaking achievement has the power to tear down the walls of conservative stubbornness, it rather antagonises the people who have the means to thwart you.
If you struggle with accepting this, if you think that your selfish desire to get more of your favourite anime is more important than queer rights, if you are convinced that some animation studio owes you and make it the fulcrum of your very existence, I ask you politely and in all seriousness to please go touch some grass, educate yourself, and come back when you've found the plot again.
Disclaimer: I'm not a Japanese citizen and I don't live in Japan. I gathered these information from people living there (expats and natives), the Japan Times, Wikipedia, translations of interviews with the YOI staff, and my own research.
#jen's mind vomit#anime#lgbtq rights#marriage equality#japan#media literacy#watch Cherry Magic read the manga watch the live action#read until I meed my husband#please please educate yourself on the culture your favourite media come from#celebrate progress and support queer people everywhere#“BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU WEREN'T THERE WHEN YOI AIRED!1!!!!1”#I don't need to understand I get it completely#please look at the whole picture ffs
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 🌿
1. 2. 3.
And we're in April 🧡
To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected] with your name and query 🌙
Paid services 🤍 Pick a Cards 🤍 Feedback & Testimonials 🤍 Instagram
Thanks for the tip 🩷
Gif 1
A month of regaining balance. Something has been off key in your life that's effecting the harmony in your body as well. A month of looking after yourself, being mindful of what you eat, how and when you eat. You may prefer less spicy foods and even consider a detox.
You'll feel more in touch with the element of air subconsciously. Find yourself enjoying the evening breeze with some tea, collecting feathers, writing things down physically etc
It will be a deeply spiritual month as well. I see that you'd want to distance or unwind yourself from the materialistic side of life or people and crowds overall. There's too much noise and you'd prefer selective sounds now.
You'll realize that to get what you want you'll have to detach from what you see and go within. Remind yourself that you have / will have this without having to take extra steps. Less planning and more inner discipline. By that I mean, instead of going back to your old ways of thinking or being which will only make you repeat the same cycle in a different font, switch the narrative to see the change.
There will be change in your heart in regards to what you want in love and what you seek in life. Trust your dreams, signs and intuition. You'll also see something emotionally significant manifesting for you.
Lastly, learn to fill your own cup and accept help when it's offered to you.
Gif 2
Brace yourself for an incoming metamorphosis. It is unavoidable. You have been sensing it but perhaps trying to avoid or hold it together but the more you resist it the rougher it will feel when it's not supposed to be that way.
There's immense luck when it comes to work, finances, career, studies and/or networking however. Being in the right place and being around or coming across the right people at the right time.
Simplify your life this month. I feel some of you are trying to make peace with something that's ended or gone. But the sync and rhythm you seek in life is slowly catching up with you.
Keep your focus on whatever it is that you want, the destination could be anything personal to you.
Keep your focus and don't waver.
Drink more water by the way, enjoy a dip in the pool or a treat yourself to a nice bath when you can.
Know that you're making progress even if it isn't always linear.
Gif 3
When you let go of control and simply stop to smell the roses or rather just step into the mode of, 'No thought. Head empty. Only vibes.' that's when everything you want start coming in.
You'll have a change in mindset and approach, pick up a hobby or something that diverts your attention from things that get you overthinking. I see you simply being an observer but having little to no clue that you're the one being observed from near and afar.
I do see a deep romance blooming or simply on it's way to you. But I see you romanticizing yourself and the life that you want.
It's like you're preparing yourself for your desires this month. Focusing on healing your inner teen. A lot of sudden breakthroughs and renewals.
I see some of you learning or teaching others or teaching yourself something. Intuition will be heightened and people will be drawn to your presence a lot this month.
Try some channeled meditation, magnesium supplements and yoga/stretches or light dancing. You may be prone to feeling a little drained post waking up from dreams.
I heard the lyrics by Lana, "All the pretty stars shine for you, my love."
#free readings#tarot community#divination community#pick a card#PAC#PAC reading#April pick a card#April psychic messages#psychic readings
253 notes
·
View notes
Text
You know, I think some of the problem that people have with the last few episodes of Doctor Who is in black and white thinking regarding mental health and trauma.
Like, this idea that you're either mentally ill & miserable or not mentally ill & happy.
And the truth is, most mentally ill people are capable of being truly happy (major depression being an exception to this). You can be as traumatized as fuck and still have happy moments, good days, etc.
But, more over, recovery and healing from trauma doesn't look like a return to your pre-trauma self. That shit still hurts. You're still fundamentally changed by it.
14 back at Donna's is in the process of healing. He's giving himself the space to recover. He's having good days filled with support. And he's also likely doing a lot of work. For a person who spent his whole life embodying the fight or flight response, just learning to not, is a fucking big deal. And as a whole, it's good. And it will get progressively better. And he'll be happy yeah, but that's not a cheap happiness. That's showing up every day, fighting back all sort of inner demons and saying no, I get to be this. And that doesn't even get into the whole "allowing yourself to be vulnerable and let others help" thing that is definitely happening.
And 15 is "post therapy". That doesn't mean their hurt's gone. That doesn't mean the trauma doesn't exist or he's returned to a pre-trauma state. And baby, healing is a lifelong process so it doesn't even mean that this healing has even stopped with 14. It's all still there. It's early days with 15, so I can't say where they're going to go with 15, only what it means to have worked through your trauma somewhat and what that could mean for 15
What it does mean is that he's learning to talk about it. "I'm adopted" is exactly the kind of thing someone would say. It's too big sometimes to say it all at once. In "The Body Keeps Score" (which is a book about trauma) it discusses how trauma effects the brain in ways that make it neurologically hard to talk about the trauma but most of us slowly learn how. This is 15, slowly taking steps to proactive talk about it. Yes, it's almost laughably understated but my God it's a huge fucking step for the Doctor who as early as the episode before (a la DT) couldn't even discuss it with Donna and reacted as he did when the not!Donna forced the conversation.
15 could have experienced "rehab" and still feel pain from their past. 14 can be happy and still be struggling and working through shit. And to be honest, the dichotomy between "fixed" 15 and 14 isn't a dichotomy at all but a spectrum.
And, as a final note, progress is not linear. I would expect 15 to have their moments of regressing, but that doesn't mean progress hasn't happened or that the overall trajectory has been lost.
34 notes
·
View notes
Note
I don’t know how to stop looking at other people as competition, it’s how I was raised. Even with my friends (or former friends, considering they don’t talk to me now), I’m constantly trying to one up them and the ones I’m not trying to one up, my brain has already deemed that I’m “above them” (clearly I’m not or else I wouldn’t be here).
My mom repeatedly told me since I was a little kid that the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to me is to be the one clapping for my “friends” while they receive awards and achievements instead of it being me receiving those awards. It’s literally ingrained in me and my cousins, we don’t even like each other because we hate that one is more successful than the other.
Holy shit anon, that's an awful thing to have put in you as a kid, and I'm so sorry that your relationships were sabotaged this way. This was not a normal way to be brought up, and you deserved so, so much better.
What I have found to be effective is to challenge these beliefs and essentially crowd them out with other, beneficial beliefs. Curate an online experience that helps you with this.
As you probably know by now, I have the capacity to be pretty impatient and mean, and one of my Weird Tricks is to channel that onto my inner demons. Like oh, this fucker has the gall to hold me back? Fuck him, I'm gonna kick his ass. This isn't to say that I'm hard on myself or tell myself cruel things; it just means that I take a proactive role in dealing with what's messing me up.
Since this is childhood indoctrination we're talking about, it's going to take awhile. And like any psychological healing journey, your recovery won't be linear; you'll make progress and then you'll have bad days where you slip back for awhile. The bad days don't mean that progress isn't happening; they're just part of the healing journey.
Searching up "how to challenge negative core beliefs" on DuckDuckGo, I can find a number of resources, including this page with a worksheet. I can also find the article How to Spot and Challenge Your Negative Core Beliefs, According to a Therapist, which might also be useful. You can also search up "how to challenge negative core beliefs" for yourself and find more help.
And again, I recommend my post "I'm in a bad place and need to get out, what can I do?" It's got a list of resources, tips, and blogs you can follow. Hopefully at some point you can get an actual therapist, maybe even get on medication of some kind, if that's a thing you're open to. But if you can't do that - at least, not anytime soon - you can at least do the other things I've suggested.
And above all, be patient and kind to yourself. You can do this. It'll take time and work, but you can do this.
40 notes
·
View notes
Note
Oddly enough now that they're actually together I realize Adora and Catra really need a good marriage councelor.
The "lets take proper turns talking" type
They definitely do, because it isn't as simple as they think it is. Arguably, one of my favourite things about s5 is the way it shows that healing and reconciling aren't linear and what looks like progress isn't always progress (hello, yes I'm going to talk about bpd again, sue me).
The start of Perils of Peekablue with Catra annoying Adora is one of the most memorable moments this series, but it seems odd that Catra has suddenly gone from angry and scared to totally relaxed and playful in the space of a day, right? That doesn't seem too unusual to me though, and I'll explain why - it's the idealisation/devaluation extremes often shown by people with BPD (aka splitting). Catra sees Adora being kind and caring, fighting off Prime to help save her and she's full on, 100% 'Adora is the best person ever' again.
But that's only papering over the cracks. Neither of them actually deal with the problems that caused them to be so angry at each other - Catra doesn't want to rock the boat by suggesting that it might be less than perfect, and Adora either doesn't see or doesn't want to acknowledge that this sudden 'everything is fine again' isn't particularly healthy for either of them. And because of that, it takes very little for Catra to split again, and run off into the woods to leave Adora.
I like to think that after the end, they both realise that they'll have to deal with their own stuff, and couple stuff too, and get out of the cycle of instability that's plagued their relationship for... Honestly, pretty much forever. It'll take a shit ton of therapy, but it's absolutely possible for them both to be in a healthy, happy relationship.
84 notes
·
View notes
Text
recovering from abuse or trauma isn't linear, and progress seems hard to track in the moment. but once you start to notice those changes, it feels great. I know this isn't a groundbreaking thing to say, but when you're in it... it feels like it is. it's noticing how much better you start to take care of yourself and your space, in comparison to a few years, or even just a few months, ago.
there are still things I'm working on, and there are still things I struggle to do. but I've made noticeable improvements. I don't think I'll ever be the kind of person that can comfortably find a routine to stick to. but a combination of time, and realising I'm neurodivergent and need to make accomodations for myself, means I've found other ways to keep on top of the things that need doing. and it's working!
now that I'm in a situation that I can actually heal (I'm away from my abuser), I have started to live. not just survive. it's slow, it's hard, and it's everyday (and there are outside influences none of us have control over which make all of our lives more difficult). but it gets easier. and I just never ever thought I'd ever feel like this a few years ago. hard days and weeks still come, but they pass. tough emotions from past traumas still bubble to the surface, but they pass.
It feels like forever when you're in it, and it takes time to adjust once you're out of an abusive situation. but once you start to notice all the little improvements, it feels amazing. I'm not going to let him control or ruin my life, and I'm living proof of that.
#feeling good about myself tonight!#i never used to let myself sit in this... feeling good or proud about myself#i think i felt like i didn't deserve it#but that was his voice - it was always his voice#but this one belongs to me#and i'm proud of the things i've achieved given my life's circumstances#and it's nice (:#personal
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
Parking Lot - Atlas Ivy (a lot of Atlas’s music seems to fit hunger AU to me)
(this song is probably best fitting for after Grian’s 2nd attempt and after he has already began trying to recover)
“The drink in my hand starts to shake” - Reminds me of Grian trying and failing to open the bottle of water.
“As the hope in my mind starts to break
Are the gods not happy with the progress I've made?
Hasn't illness taken all it can take?” - Healing isn't linear, Grian is going to be fighting an uphill battle, maybe for the rest of his life.
“Taking all my plans and throwing in a wrench
Is it my mental health or the Marianas Trench?” - He’s going to have relapses and setbacks and those are going to make it feel like nothing he does makes a real difference. He’s going to be tired of fighting but he’s going to have to keep trying because, even if he can’t see it sometimes, progress is being made.
“How can I win if my team only plays defense
And all the best players are stuck on the bench” - Makes me think of Grian, not just feeling like he’s always on the back foot, just trying to repair the damage caused by every unexpected worsening of his mental or physical health, but feeling like he’s relying too much on the other Hermits. That he’s dragging the others down with him and that it makes him weak to need their help.
“Do a face mask or a warm bath or do a shot
Or just lay in bed until your body rots” - Coping mechanisms and how easy it is to fall into harmful ones. Grian has already shown a propensity for dissociation and I’ve personally been headcannoning this has been a problem for a while. That, when the weakness and pain from his malnourishment on Hermitcraft became too much, he tended to just sit or lay in a dark room dissociating until it subsided.
“Get my vitamin D but the pavements hot
And the soles of my shoes melt on the parking lot” - Feeling like everything he tries doesn’t really do anything but maybe cause more harm. That it doesn’t do anything to fix the real problem and that failure just makes him feel worse.
“Melatonin's now takеn at eight
Cause I can't stand my thoughts when I'm awakе” - Back to that dissociation, specifically reminds me of the time Grian has spent dissociating through the nights of the current chapters.
“There is no cause, still my body aches
And the home I built meets an earthquake” - Feeling like any progress and sense of security of safety he has built can be destroyed any second by his mental health taking a dive without any clear cause.
“Can somebody show me
A coping strategy
That takes me from reality
But doesn't kill my body” - More dissociation and bad coping mechanisms. That desire to just fall away from everything, let the hurt be drowned out by a blanket of static, even though he knows it doesn’t really help.
“Cause I've stunted my growth
I've filled my lungs with smoke” - All the damage that has already been done to his physical health. We’ve seen with Grian true form that Grian has literally stunted his growth by starving himself.
“And yeah it puts on a good show
But I've lost my glow” - Grian not having the energy to do things like play pranks or have fun with the others. The way some of the Hermits react to finding out how much of the Grian they knew was an attempt to hide how he was constantly breaking down now that he doesn’t have the energy to pretend to be fine.
OHHHH I LOVE THIS,,,, ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS ANALYSIS I LOVE THE THOUGHT YOUVE PUT BEHIND EACH LINE OF THE LYRICS..... i havent had the time to listen to the song just yet but MAN this is so cool thank you for sharing it with me :DDD i'll be sure to give the song a listen :D
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Healing isn't linear. Recovery isn't linear. I know this. A lot of you know this. We say it a lot to everyone else, but usually forget to apply it to ourselves.
Tonight, I had a trauma response. I wrote a post that was misunderstood by someone. I was then met with hate asks because of the misunderstanding.
I tried to explain what I meant to convey, and apologized. I kept getting hate. My trauma response kicked in here because I kept trying to explain myself. That's something I picked up from years of emotional abuse. Instead of walking away, I kept trying to "fix" the situation. To be properly understood.
People misunderstanding me can be so triggering. I understand that perfect communication isn't really possible. But being accused of something I didn't really say sets off so many memories.
Which led to me, again, trying to apologize and defend myself. At this point, while someone else's feelings of hurt are valid even if I had good intentions, I didn't deserve to keep beating myself up the way I was and feeling guilty. (I really felt like I was a bad person and a failure. I've worked a lot on splitting and black and white thinking but still slip up when it comes to myself sometimes.)
Once I realized I was having a trauma response, the doubt creeped in. "I'm a fraud. I get so much praise on my blogs for healing and inspiring others and here I am having a trauma response."
I stepped away from Tumblr for a bit. Spent some time with my partner and looking at my coping skills. When I couldn't self soothe myself, I reached out for reassurance in a support server I have. The reassurance I received there allowed me to calm down and utilize my other skills.
And it took me a long time to get to this point, and healing is not linear. Me having a trauma response doesn't undo years of improvement. And in times like that, it's easy to forget that how I handled my trauma response differed greatly from how I would before. I stepped away, looked at my coping skills, and reached out for help instead of completely spiraling and doing things that made the situation worse for myself. And that is progress.
I guess what I also want to try and say is that for me, healing does not mean the trauma never affects me anymore. I think it means that I'm better equipped to deal with it in ways that don't impact my quality of life or make it worse than it needs to be.
I share my personal stories like this with you because I want to show you examples. Recovery and healing aren't linear. And a lot of you talk about how my posts and blogs inspire you. And I think (at least for most of you) that you don't think less of me, or think I'm a failure because I slipped up. I don't even think you'd think I was a failure if I gave into a bad habit I've worked hard to kick. I think you see me as human, and that the work I've done is still valid.
My main lesson here is... You deserve to give yourself that same compassion and understanding.
(For those wondering, because I tend to share this in my posts like this, the skills I utilized were my Urge Surfing skill to ride the wave and I then used my Pros & Cons skill to decide between two different actions).
84 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi!! do you have any Sterek fics where it still follows the Teen Wolf plot line and not much changes?🤍
Sure.
Bleeding Out For You (even if it's the last thing i'll ever do) by whenwordsmakesense
(1/1 I 1,203 I Teen)
"You're bleeding because of me."
And there it is. Derek's guilt at hurting him plain to see, making Stiles want to scream because Kate is fucking dead but she still won't stop ruining them—ruining Derek.
All the progress Derek makes, all the genuine smiles he lets others see, all of it vanishes after one nightmare with her in it. Stiles knows healing isn't linear, knows it like the back of his hand, knows it personally, but he still hates this.
OR
Derek has a nightmare. This is the aftermath.
#24 He's Our Man! by stilinskihalefamily
(1/1 I 1,438 I General)
Stiles on the lacrosse field practicing for the first big game of the season. With all the good players, i.e. Jackson and Isaac, gone he has somehow made it to first line. And to say he’s nervous is understatement. So he’s practicing his ass off.
He’s been out on the field for an hour when he sees Derek trying to sneaky and hide behind a tree. Stiles lets him hide behind that tree for a few minutes but it’s unnerving feeling eyes on you but not seeing the person the eyes belong too. So he ends up saying, “Stop being such a creeper, Derek. Come help me practice.”
“I’m not a creeper.” Derek says, walking across the field to where Stiles is standing a few feet away from the goal.
Hesitant to Love by lettered_aurora
(1/1 I 1,497 I Mature)
Derek's hesitant to say no to Stiles. All Stiles wants is Derek to know he has the right to.
will to follow through by owlpostagain
(2/2 I 42,411 I Teen)
“It depends entirely on how you look at it, I guess,” Stiles shrugs. “On the one hand, instant healing and the apparently inherited ability to pull off leather at all times. On the other, serious attitude problems and a suspicious disappearance of eyebrows.”
“Even Derek’s?” Danny snorts, “that’s a lot of eyebrow to lose.”
“I know,” Stiles agrees. “You should see, it’s so weird. Every time I want to ask him where they go, except he’d totally eat my face off.”
“There are worse ways to die.”
Running Up That Hill by maypoison
(32/32 I 139,488 I Explicit)
“Even before the pack joined together, Scott was trying to protect you. And he still is trying to protect you, even if it means leaving you out of all this.”
Stiles does roll his eyes at that. “Yeah, but it didn’t work did it. I was still involved, and so was my Dad. We were nearly killed by Matt, and then Gerard.”
“My point is, people change. Relationships aren’t always perfect. Scott's tried to kill me before."
Stiles raises an eyebrow. "So, you’re saying that someone trying to kill you is just a small flaw in a relationship?"
“We’re werewolves.” Derek answers with a shrug, as if that was a perfectly good explanation.
Fast Car; or: Maybe Together We Can Get Somewhere by snowqueenlou
(30/32 I 175,499 I Mature)
The final battle against Monroe goes horribly wrong. In the aftermath, the pack fractures, and for some of them things will never be the same.
Healing, like a roadtrip, isn't always a straight blast down the interstate. Sometimes it's a winding coastal highway. Life hasn't run smooth for Derek in a long time, and maybe it takes leaving to find the space to build something real.
211 notes
·
View notes
Text
i would say overall i don't really agree with psychiatry but i also kinda disagree with some common antipsychiatry views.
in my experience, psychiatry has been extremely helpful, but only in the case where the professional didn't prescribe to diagnosis as a solid thing, and instead adopted an approach of treating symptoms that affect me, acknowledging that diagnoses have a lot of overlap, and many of the boxes aren't fully accurate to reality. basically like, acknowledging that i have symptoms of Bipolar, BPD, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, Major Depression, and Social Anxiety, and each of these can have significant overlap, so rather than treat me as having a specific disorder, they ask what my problems are, what i want treated, and how i want to treat it.
they give me suggestions mostly. my official diagnosis from my latest psych was Bipolar, but she didn't have the full picture of my symptoms, now knowing my previous diagnosis was Borderline. but like treatment now is "these things might help stabilise your mood (they have), but your main course of action is therapy"
i've been basically using self-help stuff online to therapy myself, tho, lol
idk it's just i've rarely actually seen doctors and therapists who prescribe strictly to the DSM. i've had some, but most i've had actually criticise the DSM and think a patient-first, therapy-based approach is essential, with medications only being there as a sort of "safety net" that can help with negative mental effects like mood swings and psychosis.
and like. i agree. i was off my quetiapine for a long time, and i can see the effects it's having on me now that im back in it, clear as day. like i wanted to try it again, unsure if it would work, but after a week of being on it, my ability to use techniques i learned in therapy has increased DRASTICALLY, and my mental health has been improving significantly with a combination of medication, therapy, reading of case studies, etc.
a lot of the antipsychiatry i see is (i think rightfully) focused on anti-diagnosis, which is a stance i agree with wholeheartedly, but also that medication wan entirely ineffective and often harmful approach to treatment, which i disagree.
it's like the anti-chiropractic. i'm anti-chiropractic myself, but SOME chiropractic is shown to be effective In Combination With Ither Treatment, with the chiropractic often improving outcomes.
medication is, in my experience, like that. it's like. augmentative to therapy-based treatment. it doesn't like, fix your problem, and it's not supposed to be the only thing you're doing for your treatment, with almost all psychs and therapists i see taking an almost wholly nurture-based approach to treatment, where some chemical imbalances can exacerbate problems, but treatment of just the chemical imbalances doesn't fix the problem, it's like a cane. it helps you keep walking so you can exercise the problem, basically.
and i really like that comparison.
I use a cane to take weight off my bad hip, and to help me keep my balance when walking, because my bad hip causes me to over-rely on my knee on that side, which causes buckling.
but using the cane isn't healing my hip. dedicated exercise and physical therapy is.
stopping the cane would make me more likely to fall and get hurt, but i can do the physical therapy without my cane. the cane just makes me less likely to get hurt, which means my progress will be more linear.
and that's the view i and my psychs have toward medications and psychotherapy.
my biggest problem with psychiatry, personally, is involuntary commitment.
i think that inpatient care NEEDS to be ENTIRELY voluntary, regardless of the condition of the patient, because, in my experience, being trapped in a facility with shifting release dates is not helpful for my mental health, it is demeaning. being made a prisoner for wanting to hurt myself doesn't help me.
if commitment was always entirely voluntary, and included one-on-one therapy for the patients, it would actually give a place for people who are in too bad a spot for just outpatient a place to go for safety, where they can control their treatment in a place where they can feel safe from themselves, without feeling like they are trapped, or under surveillance.
but like, the capitalists would probably think ppl who "didn't need it" would use those facilities basically as places for free food or something, covered by their insurance, and i think insurance would try to not cover entirely voluntary commitment like that, especially if it was "too frequent."
anyways these are the thoughts and observations i've come to based on my extensive experience as a patient (20+ years) in and out of psychiatric care.
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
deathxproof-archive
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DIE ;
ausindie-blog
Australian Independent Music Compendium.
dfwnews
DFWNews.App
loreolympiad
Lore Olympiad
lovatoholic-ettnes
Lovatoholics Worldwide