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#and i feel like all that happens is that i go backward
flemingsfreckles · 3 days
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Physio’s Daughter Part 11 (18+)
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Read the rest of the series here!
Warnings: smut! fingering (r receiving and giving), oral sex (r giving and receiving), minimal dirty talk, a little accidental overstimulation, marking, it’s a little awkward so if that isn’t your vibe that’s fine, cursing
WC: 8.1k (I know, it got out of hand)
A/N: I HAVE A LOT TO SAY!
If you are reading this series but aren’t one for smut, feel free to skip this chapter. There is nothing super instrumental to the plot happening here besides the physical relationship. Anything plot related will be reiterated and explained in Part 12 so that anyone who doesn’t wish to read this content doesn’t feel lost by skipping it.
Also I’ve mentioned this before, this is not typical hot/heavy/wildest fantasy smut, I wrote this more realistic, it’s a little awkward at points, but I liked writing it this way for this story. Basically, if you’re reading smut just to get off this probably isn’t it, feel free to read my other smut
The walk back to the hotel was relatively quiet. You weren’t able to tell what was running through Jessie’s mind but yours was all over the place.
A sudden feeling of uncertainty was running through your body. You’d had done this before, a few times with a “situationship” you found yourself in your first year of university, and then a few times with drunken flings that you found at the college bar, nothing with much feeling behind it. This felt more serious than that, this was more serious than that. This was Jessie. This wasn’t a drunken decision, this was something you’d wanted for months now.
On top of those nerves came a feeling of inadequacy. She was a professional athlete. She had defined muscles, toned legs, a toned core. She had a cardio stamina a hundred times better than yours. You were just average in comparison. Your job kept you on your feet and moving around but not nearly in as good of shape as Jessie was. The nerves had you keeping your eyes on the ground ahead of you, your hands if not already occupied with the picnic basket would’ve been fidgeting with your shirt or picking at your skin.
At the same time the nerves came with an overwhelming feeling of excitement. This was Jessie. She wanted to sleep with you just as much as you wanted to sleep with her.
The second the door clicks behind the two of you Jessie has you pressed up against it. It’s reminiscent of your first kiss, up against the wall of your office. Only this time it could go as far as you both wanted. There was no risk of someone walking in, the two of you being caught, and you were ready to take advantage of that.
Putting your hands on Jessie’s waist you gingerly begin to push her backward. Much to your dismay, Jessie takes her lips off of yours and steps back.
“Sorry.” She’s quick to apologize, your hands still on her waist.
A whine of frustration almost comes out, you clear your throat and question her. “Why?”
“If that was a lot, I came on a little hard there.” Her hands wave rapidly in the space between the two of you.
“It wasn’t too much.”
“I just figured since you pushed me off.” Her thought trails off. You didn’t want her off of you.
“I wasn’t pushing you off Jessie, I was trying to push you toward the bed.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” You point at the bed over her shoulder and she turns to look at it as if she didn’t know it existed.
“Well in that case, can I kiss you again?” You barely nod before Jessie is coming toward you, her hands coming to your face. One of her hands finds the back of your head, preventing you from bumping your head into the door as her body comes up against yours.
This time when your hands push on Jessie’s hips she steps backwards but doesn’t break your kiss. The two of you make your way to the bed carefully, your hands pushing her as she takes cautious steps backward. You get a step away from the bed and lighten the pressure on her hips.
She quickly climbs onto the bed, kneeling before turning back to kiss you as she kneeled up to your height. Her arms reach for you and she pulls you toward the bed. You join her kneeling onto the mattress for a moment before Jessie breaks your kiss and situates herself on the bed. Her hand reaches, clutching the collar of your shirt, pulling you down. Practically falling on her you just barely catch yourself before your face collides with hers.
Ignoring the fact that you both almost had broken you noses against each other, you kiss her hard again. It doesn’t take long for Jessie’s hands to wander. They’re on your shoulders, then running down your sides, she moves them to gently grip your ass, pulling you toward her. She’s caressing every inch of you that she can reach. You want to do the same but your hands are the only thing keeping you from crushing the woman below you.
Her hands then find their way to your chest and now it’s her pushing you back. You break the kiss this time, sitting back to put your weight on your knees.
“Take my shirt off.” Jessie says, breathlessly. Part of you felt like you were in a dream, this was happening, actually happening. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t dreamt of the midfielder like this before, below you, her hands on you and yours on her, those dreams never lasted too long but you always woke up with your heart racing, just as it was doing now.
“Are you sure?” You say with your hands inches from grasping Jessie’s shirt.
“Yeah I’m sure.” She looks up at you. You can’t help but get lost in her eyes for a moment. You get distracted, leaving your hands frozen reaching out toward Jessie. The way she was looking up at you was intoxicating, her eyes soft a small ring of brown surrounding her wide pupils, you could look into them forever.
“Are you okay? You’ve done this before right?” Jessie’s words break you from your gaze.
“Sex? Yes, I have! Oh my god am I that bad?” You were ready for the floor to open up and swallow you. Mortified that Jessie was under the impression that you had never done this before, that you were clueless.
“No! No, nothings been bad, we’ve barely done anything, it's just you seem pretty nervous,” she pauses before pointing to your hands. “Your hands are shaking.” They were, you knew they were, you just thought maybe you had gotten away without Jessie noticing.
“Just a little nervous.”
“I thought I didn’t make you nervous?” Jessie’s cocky smile is able to put some of your nerves to rest.
“Usually you don’t, but yeah, this is making me a little bit nervous I guess.” Finding a sudden interest in the wall color, you keep your eyes fixated there, avoiding Jessie’s stare up at you. Now you were even more nervous, thanks to her comment.
“We don’t have to do this, if you’d rather wait or just not.”
“No!” Now you’re looking back down at her. She looks at you funny, you realize it maybe sounded like you were saying you didn’t want to. “I mean yes, I want to, I want to have sex, the nerves aren’t bad nerves, it’s just a little adrenaline I think, plus I don’t want to embarrass myself because I really like you. Although at this rate it seems I already have embarrassed myself.” You barely breathe between your sentences, rushing them out to try and limit the embarrassment you’re already feeling. You planned on being red in the face and a little sweaty when this was all done not before you even had your clothes off.
“Sorry I really didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Jessie’s thumbs rub comforting circles on your thighs.
“I’m good.” You were good, incredibly embarrassed, but good.
“Good.”
You curl your lips in biting them between your own teeth and just look at her.
You could get lost in her eyes all over again. The brown color, you never knew why people complained about brown eyes, they were warm, inviting, you loved looking at Jessie’s eyes. Jessie was expressive with her eyes too, it told you a lot about her feelings. Right now her eyes were a mix of lust and a small bit apologetic.
“I really didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed, I promise it’s been good so far. Plus I’m a tiny bit nervous too.” She looks down for a minute then back up to you. “Its an excited nervous and also just regular nervous, because I really, really like you too and I don’t want to mess this up, but I haven’t,” Jessie clears her throat diverting her eyes to a spot on the ceiling, “It’s just been a while since I’ve done anything with anyone.”
“Worried it’s been so long they’ve changed the fundamentals of sex?” You can’t help but crack the joke to her.
“Hey,” she playfully shoves you, “I didn’t poke too much fun at your nerves.”
“Right, I’m sorry. While we’re airing out everything, it’s been a while for me too, a year, at least.” You think maybe expressing your own lack of recent formication will ease Jessie’s nerves.
“Well then we’re in a similar boat.”
“So if they’ve changed it neither of us will know.” You shrug at her.
“Just come here.” Jessie says before she doesn’t give you a choice, her hand grabs a fistful of your shirt again and pulls you back down to her. Before your lips touch she looks you in the eye before whispering “Kiss me until your nerves are gone.”
You do just that. You bring your lips to Jessie’s, kissing her softly a couple of times, just a few pecks. Her hand remains on your thigh, the other running through your hair. Her thumb still gently rubs circles on your thigh, a soothing and grounding feeling. Her hand squeezes ever so slightly as you open your lips against hers and her hand in her hair pushes you closer to her. Kissing Jessie lets your mind go blank. You become engulfed in the feeling of her lips on yours, you’re no longer caught up in the nerves and overthinking.
The two of you stay kissing for a couple minutes Jessie’s hands finding their way to your waist, her fingers teasing at the skin under your shirt. You pull away finally, pressing yourself up using your hands on either side of Jessie’s head. She smiles up at you, her hair is messy, as you're sure yours is as well from her hand running through it. Jessie’s fingers continue to gently stroke your skin mindlessly as you two look at each other.
“You can take off my shirt, if you want.” You offer, knowing Jessie probably wouldn’t make the move to take it off of you without you asking. Her fingers are quick to grab the bottom of your shirt before pulling upward. Jessie being below you gives her an awkward angle trying to pull your shirt off meaning it gets caught on your elbow on one arm and on your head. It causes you to laugh as you’re sitting in Jessie’s lap, shirt stuck over your head, you can feel her let out a quick laugh, her stomach tensing beneath you.
“Here, I’ll get it.” You feel Jessie’s hands let go of the shirt. You maneuver it quickly before ridding yourself of the shirt, tossing it to the floor.
“Sorry that was really not smooth.”
“It’s fine Jessie.” You bend down kissing her again and your hands now find the bottom of her shirt, finishing the action you had planned to do many minutes ago. “Can I?”
“Yeah, let me sit up.” You put your weight onto your knees instead of Jessie’s lap, allowing her to scoot herself up to sit. She taps your hips once she’s sitting up, “Sit back down.” You do, now sitting more on her thighs than her waist. She sticks her arms up and you slowly pull her shirt up and over, tossing it in the same direction as yours.
Jessie’s eyes trail from your face down to your bra and down your waist, her hands find their place on your shoulders where your bra straps sit. You noticed her fingers, again making small movements, tracing soothing patterns into your skin. She leaned forward putting her lips below her hand, kissing your collarbone. She placed a line of kisses across the prominent bone before switching to give attention to the other side.
Her lips then found their way up your neck, those kisses more intense, open mouthed, her tongue running over your skin, making goosebumps appear across all of your exposed skin. You let the breath out of your chest and your eyes flutter shut as you feel her suck slightly just above the base of your neck.
She pulls back, “good?”
“Mhmm.” You hum before pushing her neck gently back in the direction of where her lips had just been. She obliges, reconnecting with your neck and sucking harder as you encourage her, your hand pressing her into your neck.
She pulls away a minute later and you open your eyes, tilting your head back down to watch Jessie open her own eyes.
“Oh my god.” Her hand clasps over her mouth, her eyes open wide and glued to your neck, a horrified look in her eyes.
“What?” You ask, but you already have a good idea of why she was staring.
“I left a mark.” Eyes still wide with fear, she doesn’t look at you, vision glued to what you assumed was a bright red marking.
“Jessie!” Your hand immediately clasps over where the warmth from her lips was still radiating. “You gave me a hickey?!”
“I wasn’t trying to, I wasn’t even sucking that hard!”
“I guess I should’ve mentioned I bruise easily.” You slowly take your hand away. “Is it bad?”
“Uh.” Jessie looks from your neck to your face and back to your neck. “It’s there. It’s definitely there. And it’s definitely too high up a shirt won’t cover it. A sweatshirt maybe. Oh my, your Mom is going to kill me.” Jessie’s words are quick and scrambled with her panic.
“Nope, nope.” You bring a hand to cover Jessie’s mouth and stop her talking. “We’re not talking about my Mom while I’m sitting in your lap.”
“Sorry.” Jessie mumbles into the palm of your hand, you remove it and put it back on her waist. She squeezes her eyes shut, tilting her head down with a slight shake. “I really didn’t mean to, I would’ve asked for permission if I planned on leaving a mark, I’ll help you cover it, I can see if Janine has makeup-”
“Take my bra off.” Her head shoots back up as you interrupt her.
“Are you sure? I figured I killed the mood by giving you a hickey like an inexperienced teenager.”
“No, you didn’t, to be fair, it felt really good. Plus it’s half my fault, I pushed your head. So, if you want to keep going, I’d like you to take off my bra and maybe you can put those suction skills of yours to work somewhere more hidden?” You raise your voice at the end, indicating you were asking her a question, more making her an offer.
She nods, her loose curls bouncing slightly around her face. She brings a hand around your back, you feel her fumble with the clasp for a second, Jessie face scrunched in concentration. Just as you’re about to offer help you feel the elastic give and the straps on your shoulders slip down slightly. The feeling, realizing you were suddenly going to be exposed brings back some of your nerves. Her hands move to hold the straps, she looks up to you again.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” You nod at her and her fingers gently pull the straps down your arms, she keeps eye contact with you, not looking at your chest or the bra, not watching her own hands. Once your bra is off and on the floor with the growing pile of clothes Jessie’s hands come back to your body.
“Can I flip us over?” Her hands rest on your lower back. You give her permission and with ease she moves you off of her and onto your back before rolling over to position herself between your thighs. Your legs wrap gently around her waist. The position reminds you briefly of how the two of you were laying on top of each other at the field, her on top of you, her weight and warmth pressed into your body. You watch as Jessie takes in the sight of your bare torso. Her eyes make a path from your neck down, looking left to right, her attention being grabbed by your actively hardening nipples. She trails her eyes down the rest of your stomach before coming back up to look at you.
“You’re perfect.”
Jessie’s lips returning to your neck brings you out of your thoughts and back to the present. Her kisses are more tentative, likely she doesn’t want to accidentally mark you again. Part of you wishes she’d suck another mark. This time after making passes on your collar bones, Jessie’s mouth makes its way down the valley of your breasts.
You hum in content as Jessie moves her mouth to the flesh of your chest. She sucks just as she had on your neck, you watch as she works, her eyes are closed, focused expression on her face. She sucks a little harder making a groan bubble up from your throat. She doesn’t release her mouth but her eyes open, locking to yours while she seductively sucked harder. Jessie removes her mouth, taking a second to admire her work, a dark red circle sitting just under your nipple is left behind, she smiles before repeating the process on the other half of your chest.
Her hands have remained off of you while her mouth worked. You wanted her touch. Your own hands are all over her, they’re in her hair then on her cheek, then gently scratching down her back, squeezing her waist, holding her shoulders. You couldn’t make up your mind on where you wanted them, you wanted them everywhere. As Jessie continues to mark and tease your skin with her mouth you bring your fingers into the elastic band of her bra. You gently dig your fingers under the band hoping she’ll get the hint. She does, releasing the suction she had on you, giving each of your nipples a quick kiss before she sits up and away from you. You sit up with her, keeping your fingers just dipped under her bra.
“Can I take this off?” You look up at her. She doesn’t answer right away, she's just looking down at you, her eyes are glossed over . “Jessie?”
“Yeah?” She blinks a few times.
“Your bra? Can I take it off? If you want to keep it on, that's okay.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, I just got distracted looking at you. You’re so pretty.” She leans down giving you a quick peck. Her words have your cheeks flushing pink. She’d complimented you before, but it was different, the way she got distracted looking at you, lost in her thoughts because she was looking at you. It made you feel wanted and that made you want her even more. Your fingers dig further under her bra and she moves her arms to raise them over her head. You’re able to get the bra about halfway off her arms before you can no longer reach and Jessie gets stuck for a moment, letting out a small giggle as the bra covered her face before she used her own hands to remove the fabric fully.
You weren’t sure if you should look. You wanted to, you wanted to admire every inch of her, but she had restrained her gaze on your own chest for a bit, so you do the same, looking at her face instead. Seeing you staring at her Jessie leans down to press her lips to yours. You sit up even more, putting the two of you in the same position from the other night, Jessie straddling you as you two made out. Only now instead of layers of clothing between the two of you, you felt her bare skin on yours.
The warmth of her chest on yours sends a shiver down your spine. You want to hold her tight to you like this forever. Her nails gently scratch down your back causing you to moan quietly against Jessie’s lips. She gets the hint you like it and she digs her nails in a bit harder, leaving red streaks down your back. The action has you throwing your head back away from Jessie to let out a louder moan.
“Hmm, someone likes that.” Jessie teases you, a smirk across her face. You roll your eyes at her, you want to make a smartass comment back but you can’t come up with anything in the moment too overwhelmed with the situation to come up with a coherent thought. Instead you sit up on your knees, pushing Jessie back so that you could climb on top of her, taking back a little bit of control.
Now you’re finally able to take in her figure. Your eyes float down to her chest, the sight has you nearly rolling your eyes back. Jessie was perfect, of course she was, but it still shocked you for some reason. You let your eyes take in all of her skin, smooth, her nipples hard, a couple of scars and scratches across her body, ones you had seen before with medical treatment, most of them from being an athlete. Her toned stomach. And then of course there’s her freckles.
You get distracted by her freckles. Of course the freckles on her face have always been a prominent feature you found adorable. You had seen the freckles on her shoulders and back before when you treated her. But now you take extra notice of them, she has freckles across her whole body, down her neck, across her chest, down her stomach, resting above her waistband, they’re everywhere. You have the urge to put your lips on every single marking on her skin, but you refrain, maybe you could do that another day.
Bringing your lips to her skin you begin to make your way down her neck, placing soft kisses before moving further down until Jessie’s hands hold you firm in the spot against her collarbone. You gently suck at the spot, feeling Jessie let out a sigh followed by a quiet whine. You can’t help but smile at her reaction, losing the suction to her skin. Taking your hand you place it on her stomach before slowly sliding it upward until you hit the curve of her breast. Not hearing any protest, you slide your hand further cupping her, giving a gentle squeeze before your thumb focuses on her nipple.
“That’s good.” Her words come out breathy. Her eyes flutter shut as your lips connect with her other nipple. Your tongue gently circling the bud. “Fuck.” The profanity is said so quietly from Jessie’s lips you barely hear it.
You continue pleasing her, switching between your hand and your mouth making sure you give even attention to both sides. You start to notice Jessie moving her hips. She grinds gently upward against your thigh as you suck a small mark into the skin below her breast. You give in to her movements, placing your thigh strategically to put pressure between her legs, you lean into her and she groans, flicking her hips upward.
You bring your hands to the button on her jeans, looking up at her for her permission. “Go ahead.” She puts her heels into the mattress and picks up her hips so let you shimmy her jeans off her pants. You don’t mean to but you realize as you get her jeans halfway down her thighs that you’ve grabbed her underwear too.
“Oops, sorry.” You separate the two waistbands and begin to just pull down her jeans.
“Don’t be sorry, just take them off too.” Jessie props herself up on her elbows to look at you. You listen, your hands going back up to start pulling down both her pants and underwear. You add the garments to the pile. When you turn and see Jessie, who was now completely naked in front of you, propped up on her elbows watching you with a stare, you freeze.
You didn’t know what to do. Well you did, you’ve done it before, you just, this was Jessie, someone new, you were starting from square one. You feel Jessie’s hands grab yours bringing you back into the moment. “You alright?” She says, giving each hand a squeeze.
Her voice and grounding gesture remind you that while yes this was Jessie, that’s what was going to make this easy, it was Jessie. “Yeah, I’m good.” You flash her a smile. “Uh so,” you glance down between her legs then back to her face, “is there anything you definitely don’t want me to do? Mouth, hands, anything?”
You watch as Jessie thinks for a second, “No, whatever you’re comfortable with is good but just as a tip I probably won’t get off just from you know, inside, I usually need, outside,” she lets her voice drop off and you’re not sure if she’s done with her sentence or if she just got shy.
“Yeah, I’m the same way.” You offer her the suggestion about your own body now while she’s showing her own vulnerability. “Inside and outside usually is easiest for me.”
Jessie nods “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Leaning over you let go of Jessie’s hands to brace yourself above her. You give Jessie a peck on the lips and then one on her cheek and all the way down her neck. You nestle your head into the crook of her neck, kissing her neck and shoulder as you bring your right hand down and between her legs. You find her thigh first, gently dragging your fingers on the inside of her thigh higher and higher to let her know where you were going. Her skin is smooth and you feel her thighs clench as your hand gets higher and higher until you can tell your just in the crease of her thigh. You let your hand sit for a second.
“Touch me.” Jessie murmurs into your ear which is conveniently placed just next to her lips with your head in her neck. You take a deep breath and you do as she asks. Your fingers run over her once before you dip your ring and middle fingers lower. You start to feel her arousal coat your fingers before you run them upward through her. You pause when you hear Jessie’s breath hitch in her throat as you don’t hear her let the breath out.
“Are you okay?” You pick your head up to ask her.
“Mmmhm.” She hums. “Keep going.”
Bringing your fingers back down you feel her entrance and the slick that’s covering it. You’d come back to that you decided, bringing your fingers back up and finding her clit. You start with barely any pressure, just circling the bundle of nerves once then twice, before lifting your head again. “Is this okay?”
“Good, more pressure though.” She guides you and you follow, increasing the pressure on your fingers. After a few minutes of the movement, Jessie lets out a pleased sigh followed by a deep moan. “That’s, that’s good, fuck.”
It wasn’t often you heard Jessie curse, once or twice on the field, a few other times, but this was now your new favorite way she said it. Letting profanities fall from her mouth because of the feelings you were providing was definitely an ego boost. You keep circling her clit, listening to the noises she made, telling you if you were doing the right thing. Caught up in the way she was whining, your name coming out from her lips a few times, you were surprised when you felt her hand come down to grasp yours.
“Can you put them inside?” She says when you remove your head from her shoulder to see why she had grabbed your hand.
“Of course.” You want to bring your fingers to your lips, to taste her, instead you have a better idea. “Can I taste you, while I finger you?” You clarify.
“God you’re hot asking for what you want.” She pushes your hand toward her opening. “Yes, you can.” Her permission is all you need and you’re moving off of her and lying between her legs, you grab them and place one over your shoulder and push the other up and out to give you room for your hand. You can see the arousal you spread with your fingers coating her. Using your fingers you gently spread her before placing your tongue flat against her core and licking a long slow strip up. When your tongue crosses her clit she bucks her hips, already sensitive from your fingers. You get lost in her flavor, tasting her, enjoying the feeling of your tongue on her in the most intimate way.
Alternating your movements you suck and lick her core until her hands are on your head, pushing and pulling you while she ground her hips into your face. You were surprised by how noisy Jessie was in bed. She wasn’t necessarily loud in terms of volume. She didn’t say too many words but she filled the air with moans, whimpers, deep breaths, the sound of her breath catching, all noises that were spurring you on. “Add your fingers please.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
You bring your two fingers to her entrance and begin to push into her. You both moan as you slide one in. The feeling of her warm and tight around your finger is enough and you can tell your underwear would be plenty damp when it came off. You give her a few thrusts with one finger before pushing in with two to no complaint of Jessie. You pump with both fingers slowly at first before beginning to speed up adding a curling motion.
Jessie’s grip tightens in your hair. You also notice the slight trembling on her thighs and the way she’s practically riding your face and tongue. You try keeping your movements the same, obviously getting a positive reaction from Jessie but it was hard as she would unexpectedly jerk her hips or pull your hair. You weren’t complaining though as you felt her begin to tighten around your fingers. “That feels so good.” She lets out a sigh. Her legs start to move, closing you in and holding you tight to her. “I’m going to,” she tries to warn you as her orgasm interrupts her, a moan of your name is the next thing out of her mouth.
You can feel her pulsating around your fingers, you keep moving them slowly, easing Jessie through her orgasm. Her hips jerk against your tongue a few times before she pulls up and away and her legs fall back to the bed from where they had tightened around your head. Slowly you removed your fingers, watching the small string of her arousal still connected the two of you as you pulled away. Lifting up onto your elbows you look at her. Her cheeks are red, she’s panting, her chest rising and falling rapidly, but most importantly she’s beaming, a big toothy grin on her face.
“Was that okay?” Obviously she had finished but this was about more than that, you wanted to make sure she was okay, comfortable, that she felt okay with what you did.
“That was more than okay.” She motions for you to come closer to you. You crawl up her body and she pulls you into a passionate kiss, it’s slow and deep, your tongues meet and you know she can taste herself on your lips. “Thank you.”
“Hey, no need to thank me, I had just a good of time as you did.”
“Can I return the favor?” Not only is she asking with her words but her eyes are looking up at you, practically begging as well as her hands are resting on the waistband of your pants, implying she wanted them off.
“Only if you want to, I don’t expect you to.”
“I want to, if you want me to?”
“Yeah, I do.” You climb off of Jessie standing next to the bed and bringing your own hands to the button of your pants. Just as you start to fiddle with the button Jessie speaks.
“Can I do it?”
Standing up she made her way in front of you. Her hands dropped to meet yours. Gently removing your fingers she replaced them with her own, undoing the button and zipper.
“Hang on,” Your hands come back to pause hers. “I just, I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t shaved in a little while, my legs, or anything else.”
Pinching her eyebrows together Jessie gives you a goofy look. “I don’t know if I should be offended that you’d think I’d care about something like that. I clearly hadn't shaved too recently either. Whatever you’re comfortable with. Does it bother you, because if you’re uncomfortable doing this because you haven’t shaved we don’t have to.”
“No, I just wanted you to know, before you saw.”
“Okay, we’ll just so you know, in the most polite way, I don’t care.” You pull your hands back up, off of hers to let her continue. She pulls your pants down squatting in front of you to help you step out. You use her shoulder to brace yourself as you slide out each foot. Staying squatting Jessie brings her hands up to your black underwear. You nod before she can ask and her fingers hook into the band, slowly dragging them down, again helping you step out of them.
Instead of immediately standing up Jessie brings her lips to your thighs, placing a kiss before moving over to your other thigh repeating the process. She places kissing alternately legs all the way up to your hips, intentionally avoiding where you desperately wanted her to be. She then stands putting you face to face again.
“Lay down.” She glances to the bed and you’re embarrassingly quick to lay down in the center. Once you lay, you notice Jessie’s eyes on you, scanning your whole body before moving to crawl onto the bed.
Her hands find the skin just above your knees, giving them a gentle push, encouraging you to open your legs. You spread your legs and can’t help but feel self conscious as you watch Jessie’s eyes fixate at the apex of your legs. You know she can probably see how desperately you want her, you can feel your own wetness between your legs. She lets out a breath and moves to kneel between your thighs.
Her right hand slides up your thigh, fingers gently caressing the skin as she moves up, pausing just on the crease of your leg. “Is this okay?”
“Yeah, go ahead.” You didn’t want to sound too impatient but you also wanted her to touch you, to fuck you.
You notice her hands are cold when they first touch you. She slides her fingers between your lips, opening you to gather some of your wetness on her fingers. She drags her fingers upward finding your clit. Her touch is foreign, unfamiliar, different from what your body knows, which is the feeling of your own fingers.
“Still okay?” Jessie asks as she circles your clit with her fingers.
“Mhhhhmm” Your eyes are fixated watching her wrist, the way her forearm flexes as she touches you.
Jessie continues her movements, she smiles when you start to shift your hips in time with her fingers. She dips her fingers again, gathering more of your arousal to coat her fingers before she places them back to your opening. She just lets her fingers sit there looking up to you for permission. You give her a nod.
You feel her start to gently push into your entrance with two fingers, already feeling a slight stretch, you grab her wrist.
“Go slow, please, your fingers are bigger than mine.”
“Of course, let me know if it’s uncomfortable. I technically have lube.” You cock your head learning that.
“Why do you-”
“It’s with the condoms, I didn’t pack it, they give all the athletes condoms, there’s lube too.” She shakes her head slightly before glancing over to the side table, likely where the condoms were.
“Oh, I didn’t know that. I knew about the condoms, not the lube.”
“Yeah.” You both just look at each other, as if you both have forgotten what you’re in the middle of. Jessie adjusts the way she’s sitting, making her fingers slide along your opening, bringing you back to the activity at hand.
“I should be fine, I mean, I’m wet, just it’s been a while, so just go slow.”
Jessie nods and readjusts herself again so that she’s lying next to you, her fingers still resting at your opening, placing the slightest pressure into you. She brings her mouth to yours into a open mouthed kiss and at the same time begins to slide a single finger into you.
Her first finger slides easily, she moves slowly knuckle by knuckle until her palm is resting against you. She pulls out and pushes back in faster this time. Her fingers were not only thicker than yours but longer too.
“Is this okay?”
“Yeah, feels good.”
The room is relatively silent with the exception of the labored breathing between the two of you, the sound of your lips on each other, and the noise coming from between your legs as Jessie’s finger pumps in and out.
Jessie pulls out and pauses this time, you feel her place her second finger next to her first. She pulls away from your kiss to watch your face as she slides in her fingertips, you feel yourself clench around her and she pauses for a moment.
“Doing alright?”
“Yeah Jess, feels good.” You’d never been with anyone so attentive, so focused on making you feel comfortable. You take a deep breath as she slides her fingers in further, there’s a stretch but not uncomfortable. You adjust your legs, opening them more to try and ease the feeling of tightness.
Once her fingers are in, Jessie doesn’t pull them out, she gently curls them up and lets her hand rock against you. The base of her palm applies pressure to your clit. She lets her hand rock against you a few times and the tightness begins to fade, the pleasure from her palm rubbing your clit taking over.
Moaning into Jessie’s mouth as she kisses you, encouraging her to keep up her movements. She does, rocking her hand more aggressively. She pulls her lips from yours and buries her head into your side to kiss below your ear and down your neck.
It was a good feeling, her fingers inside of you and her palm bumping your clit but you could tell it likely wouldn’t be enough, you needed a little more stimulation. “Jessie.” You get her attention.
“Yeah?”
“Can you use your other hand on my clit? This feels good but I think I need a little more direct stimulation.”
“Of course.” Jessie gives you one last kiss before she moves her head away from yours. Jessie climbs over your thigh to sit between your legs again. She brings her previously free hand down, her thumb finding your clit while her other hand continues to work in and out of you.
Immediately feeling the wave of pleasure from the direct attention she was giving your bundle of nerves, you throw your head back, letting your mouth fall open with a moan of appreciation. “That’s good.” You manage to whisper.
Tilting your head back down you watch Jessie. She’s still naked. Her bicep is bulging on the arm thrusting into you, her cheeks still dusted with a blush, she’s staring where her hands are touching you with such focus it’s as if nothing else in the room existed.
You could stare at her forever, watching how her face reacts when you let out a whine, a smirk of satisfaction coming across her lips, how she pinches her eyebrows in concentration. But the more she touches you the more you feel the tightening in your stomach. The tightening that meant this would all be over in a matter of a few minutes.
Screwing your eyes shut you debate having her change what she was doing in an attempt to prolong your orgasm but when you open your eyes again and you’re met with her eyes watching your face a flash of heat runs through your body and you know there’s no stopping the inevitable now.
“Jessie.” You’re cautious not to moan her name too loudly, but loud enough that she hears it. “Keep going, I’m going to cum.” Your hips start to roll into her hand, chasing your high. Your hands come up to grasp at the pillow behind your head as your back arches up and off the bed. Her fingers inside of you feel so deep, hitting every pleasurable spot, your walls start to clench around her and you see her give one last cocky smile before your eyes slam shut as the wave of pleasure crashes over you.
A string of profane words falls out of your mouth, you’re not even sure what you’re saying, all of your senses overwhelmed with the pleasure of your orgasm, your heartbeat in your ears, the grasp of the sheets in your hands, the tingle running across your skin. Jessie continues her motions, exactly as she had been, letting you jerk your hips and legs as needed to get yourself through the high. She only slows once you start to squirm away from her touch instead of pressing into it.
You slowly open your eyes, blinking a few times to clear the spots you had from shutting them so hard. You look up to see Jessie looking back at you with awe as she kneeled between your legs. “You’re really hot.” Her compliment mixed with the come down of your orgasm has you blushing, throwing your hand over your face, peeking at her through your fingers. She’s smirking at you, her bottom lip between her teeth. You pull your hand away to look at her.
Keeping her eyes on yours she brings her fingers to her mouth, sucking off your release. A small hum of satisfaction falls from her throat. “You taste so good. Can I?” She glances down to your core.
“Can you what?”
Jessie pauses and you can tell she’s contemplating what to say. “With my mouth, can I, uh, eat you out?”
She’s looking at you, wide eyes with excitement. The fingers previously in her mouth rest on her bottom lip. You weren’t one usually for back to back rounds, you needed a little bit of time between, but the way Jessie was looking at you like she was ready to devour you changed your mind. It wouldn’t hurt to let her try. “You can try, I might be too sensitive.”
Not hesitating she quickly moves herself between your legs. Her hands come up to the bend in your knee, gently pushing your legs up and out. Jessie sticks her tongue out flat so it rests along her mouth toward her chin and brings her face to your already wet and sensitive core. Her first lick is slow, feather light, she’s barely touching you. Her second pass is more firm, still slow but with pressure. By her third lick you can tell she’s not just feeling you out anymore.
“Oh fuck.” Your suspicions are confirmed, you’re sensitive, the feeling of her tongue bordering on immense pleasure and also overstimulation. You can tell she’s enjoying herself the way she’s moaning into you, sending slight vibrations against you, so you let her keep going. Fisting the sheets tight with your hands you try to relax, ease into the pleasure and away from the overstimulation. She continues, her lips providing a soft suction while her tongue flicks over your sensitive skin, causing you to jerk away from her, her arms wrapped tightly around your thighs makes your movement almost pointless as she holds you in place.
“Fuck, shit, Jessie stop, too sensitive.” You gently push her head away which she obeys and you close your legs. “Sorry, I thought I’d be fine.”
Jessie lifts her head, you can see your wetness covering her lips and chin. “Don’t apologize. You say stop I’ll stop, no questions. I’ll just start with that next time.”
Next time. She said next time. You prop yourself up on your elbows to look down at where she was laying, her cheek pressed against your inner thigh as she rested her head looking up at you.
“Next time?” Repeating her words back to her.
“I mean, only if you want to. I didn’t see this as a one time thing, I hope you didn’t either. I thought with the date, we could maybe keep going on dates and then that way we’d get to do more of this too.”
“Yeah, next time, I like the sound of that.” Smiling at you Jessie unwraps her arms from your thighs and moves up your body to place a kiss on your lips. It’s a slow and sloppy kiss in a way that’s passionate and yet still relaxing.
She rolls off of you and lays next to you. The two of you lay in silence, it's peaceful, not uncomfortable, the hum of the air conditioner making the only noise. Her hand finds yours and she laces your fingers together momentarily before she plays with your fingers, tracing patterns across each one and then doing the same to your palm. Her movements are relaxing and you feel yourself starting to doze off only to be jolted awake by the elbow in your side.
“Don’t fall asleep yet, you’ve got to brush your teeth and you should probably pee.” Jessie says softly to you.
You roll to look at her. Half open eyes you give her a sleepy smile. “But I’m comfortable here.”
“Come on.” Jessie hops off the bed, extending a hand to you, you take it and let her pull you up. “I’m going to shower, there’s extra towels if you want to as well.”
“Yeah that would probably be nice. I’ll brush my teeth and then leave and you can shower first.” You say as you both walk into the bathroom.
You flick on the light switch and look in the mirror taking in your appearance looking at your face first. Your cheeks are red, your hair is a mess, you look tired. It’s then that you see the mark Jessie accidentally made on your neck. “Oh my god Jessie, what the hell?” You lean into the mirror to further inspect the damage. The mark was darker and larger than you had expected, and it was undeniably a hickey, you wouldn’t be able to argue you burnt yourself on a curling iron like you had in high school. It was also near the middle of your neck, you’d be lucky if a sweatshirt covered it.
“I know, it’s only gotten darker too, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean it. I’ll call Janine in the morning, she’ll have stuff to cover it.” Jessie looks guilty, an apologetic tone obvious in her voice.
“I cannot believe you.” You say all while slowly shaking your head and smiling at her in the mirror. You really weren’t upset, it was going to be hard to cover but not impossible.
“Let me make it up to you?” She bats her eyes at you a few times in the mirror.
You turn to face her. “Yeah? How are you going to do that?”
“Get in the shower and I’ll show you.”
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purplecoffee13 · 23 hours
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im a sucker for morning sex like, almost half asleep, barely talking, just quiet moans 😋Maybe friends to lovers
Ooh, yes!!! Absolutely love this concept😮‍💨
It’s a bit short, but I wrote this blurb around it just now. It’s currently 2am, but the inspiration struck and I just had to write it down!! (srry not srry😎😋) I hope it meets your expectations!!!
Thank you for requesting!!!💘
************************************************
Your eyelids softly flutter open at the warmth of the sunlight shining on your face. The harsh light makes you squint, and it makes you realize where you are, and with who. The arm wrapped around you confirmed enough, and you smile as you look at the inked arm draping over your frame.
You and Harry had been friends for forever, and you would hold movie nights almost every week. It often got very late, and the two of you would fall asleep in the couch.
Last night was no different. You had had a busy day at work, and was absolutely exhausted. You fell asleep mid movie, and you realize that Harry must’ve carried you to bed. You smile at that revelation, filled with a surge of love for your best friend.
In order to get the sunlight out of your face, you shift around, moving backwards a bit so your eyes aren’t being bothered by the harsh light. Your eyes widen when you feel something brush against your ass. Something that you are 99% sure you should absolutely not be feeling.
There is an increasing heat between your legs that you don’t even know the exact logistics of. It is like your body is telling you something you haven’t dared to consider before.
You try to move your hips forward a bit, attempting to stop the awkwardness. After all, Harry’s asleep, so you can go back to sleep and act like this never happened on a couple of hours.
That’s when you feel Harry’s grip on your waist tightening as he pulls your body back into him, his hardness now firmly pressed between your ass cheeks. You softly gasp at the sudden motion, and your heat begins to ache at the imagination of what could be.
The sole image in your head of him putting that dick inside of you makes you subconsciously grind your hips against him a bit, hoping to relieve some of the frustration that has been starting to build.
You try to be subtle about it, but the pain of being untouched begins to be too unbearable. Your stomach tenses when Harry’s hand suddenly begins to inch lower and lower, going under the waist band of your underwear and shorts, and finding your clit.
Rubbing drawn out circles on your hot wet cunt makes you sigh out in relief. His touch feels far too good to even second guess what the fuck the two of you are doing. The hitched breaths slowly morph into hushed whimpers, the faster Harry’s fingers work your pussy.
When he starts to leave love bites on your neck, you explode. Moaning out his name, you come all over his fingers, letting the pleasure hit you in the waves like it always does.
Without another word, Harry pulls down your shorts and underwear, which you take off completely with the help of your own legs. Arching into him, you wait as Harry takes out his hard cock and rub the tip against your now soaking wet pussy.
“Y’sure?” Harry’s rough morning voice asks, and it is enough to almost have you orgasm again. The low baritone sound is the hottest thing you’ve ever heard. You nod furiously.
“Yes, please. I need it.” You plead with him. Harry clearly doesn’t need to be asked twice, because he immediately pushes himself into you. You mewl at his long, deep thrusts. Each one hits just the right spot in a new, unexpected way.
There aren’t many words shared between the two of you, solely the sounds of your bodies intertwining with each other. His hand finds one of your breasts and fondles it as you both keep pushing into each other.
You bring your own fingers to your clit, working yourself closer to the second orgasm that is already brewing. Just the sounds of his heavy breathing and the beating of his heart would give you that wave of your euphoria.
Then a groan escapes Harry’s lips, but not just a groan. No, he groans your name, right in your ear, followed by a whispered profanity, as he drives himself deeper into you.
Forget the breaths and the heartbeat, the sound of your name rolling off his tongue in a situation like this is what brings you over the edge so quickly again. Your walls clench around him repeatedly as you softly cry out his name.
“F- fuck… shit.” Harry sighs after his thrusts come to a halt. With his face buried in your neck, he softly bites into your shoulder as he comes inside of you.
The feeling of his seed coating every bit of your walls drives your mind absolutely insane.
Harry stays inside of you as you both catch your breath. You can quite literally hear the pounding of your heartbeat ringing in your ear, and you can’t help but let out a breathy chuckle. Harry joins you in your soft, short-lived laughter.
You turn your head towards him, and Harry leans up a bit to meet your face as well. With a big smile, he looks you right in the eyes. No hint of regret, only a smug grin and a clear desire to repeat.
“Good morning.” You say in a joking tone. Harry observes the rest of your face, and pushes a strand of hair behind your ears before he responds.
“Very good morning.”
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If you could rewrite 5 chenford scenes, what would they be and why? 😊❤️
Oh my gosh, I love this question, thank you!
After much thought, here we have it
1.) The Laundry Room hook up (or lack there of...)
Look, if there were ever a scene that needs to be rewritten, it's this one right here!! Without a doubt. This was absolutely the first thing that came to mind.
The first time I saw this scene unfold, I felt like an absolute idiot😅 when Chen says, "Wait. Lock the door first." And then it just ended, I was like ???? My husband goes, "They're going to hook up." Are they?? Because that was not obvious! I stupidly thought she was meant like lock the door when you get home or something. I don't know😅
What needed to happen IMO:
"Wait. Lock the door first."
Tim's eyes widen in surprise, but he quickly gets the picture. He walks backward to the door, his gaze never leaving Lucy's, before flipping the lock between his fingers.
He saunters back over to her, his hands and lips on her instantly, touching every bit of skin he can get his hands on.
He backs Lucy up until she hits the washing machine, and effortlessly, Tim lifts her up onto the machine.
They pull back from each other, and Tim rests his forehead against Lucy's, their labored breathing the only sound to be heard.
Tim leans back in to kiss her as he begins to unzip Lucy's jacket.
Fade to black...
2.) Tim and Lucy's first time
Listen, it was great for what it was. It's pretty much the only heat we've ever gotten on this show in 6 seasons. So I don't have a lot of notes.
The one thing I would have changed/added, was Tim's discovery that Lucy kept her DOD tattoo, which, although not confirmed, is canon in my mind.
I really feel like we needed a scene where either mid hookup Tim brushes against her tattoo and Lucy gasps, and they have a conversation about it, and she gives Tim permission to touch it.
OR
A scene post hook up where they're snuggling in bed and Tim says "you kept the tattoo" and they have a conversation from there.
Either way, I'd just like some confirmation that she kept it.
3.) The kiss that could have been, interrupted by Wesley's phone call.
I think I speak for all of us in the Chenford fandom when I say we were all on the edge of our seats that episode. There were no words needed, it was all in their eyes! Lucy's especially!
I would have loved to see the start of a hook up. Both Tim and Lucy were dealing with grief and trauma and I could picture Lucy looking up at Tim and saying, "I just need to feel alive again. Even if only for a little bit."
I actually still would have been okay with Wesley's phone call interrupting them, but after they at least shared a kiss. I think it really would have added to the stakes in their relationship and can see Tim trying to dismiss the whole thing as Lucy being lost in her grief and how he was wrong to even entertain the idea and to just drop it. Which, as we all know, shs never would. Lucy Chen drops nothing.
4.) "Freak in the Sheets" comment
I feel like this is an unpopular opinion, but I found this comment sooo cringy😬 I'm sorry, I can't help it.
I feel like the writers know they don't give us anything physical, so they try to add in comments like this as a way to make up for it, but it comes off so juvenile and cringy in my opinion. Like, it's (supposed to be anyway) a show geared toward adults. You can show physical intimacy tastefully. These off handed comments just aren't my style.
I appreciated the joking nature and how it showed they were in a place where they could joke with each other, but I could have done without that comment.
5.) Tim sitting in his truck during the stake out, unable to answer Lucy's calls or texts.
I would have loved a throwback to S1 where Tim, waiting for Isabel's UC op, is watching a video of the two of them right before they get married.
A moment where Tim thumbs through his photo gallery, looking through he and Lucy's pictures together and fighting internally to reach out to her, knowing he can't and needs to protect her.
Like, we obviously know what's at stake, but seeing pictures of them together in that moment would have brought it to the next level IMO.
Whewww, thank you again, this was fun!
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lovemyromance · 10 hours
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You know that scene in the Jim Carey grinch when he yells “I’m an Idiot” into the cave and the echo says “You’re an idiot!” back at him instead? I feel like that is the glenriel echo chamber in a nutshell. THAT is the real take away from the fated mates quiz that was posted today.
I think the issue in this fandom is that people tend to take things very, very personally. Ive seen it on all sides, but it's especially prevalent when we take a look at some of these Gwynriel theories. Gwyn became a self insert character for many because she's just vague and secondary enough that she has no real flaws and is not very complex or fleshed out. She does a few brave things and is generally kind and pretty - and people just latched on.
Any idea that Gwyn isn't a main character, any mention of the lightsinger theory, any whisper even that Gwynriel isn't backed by evidence from the books - that is something they are going to take very personally. Because even if objectively, all those things are true, these people are using Gwyn as a self insert. So they are hearing people say:
"Gwyn is not an MC" = "you're not a main character"
"Gwyn could be a lightsinger" = You're a cruel evil lightsinger"
"Gwyn and Azriel aren't mates" = "you're not gonna end up with azriel"
And that doesn't seem like something they want to hear. So they lash out, go crazy with their crack theories even more than before. They take it as a personal insult when it is just something that is objectively true. They accuse everyone of being anti Gwyn when they dont support Gwynriel when they are really two separate things.
I'm sure they'll find some way to spin this fated mates quiz anyways. Or more likely, the Eluciens will spin it because Lucien was an option and try to push the Elucien agenda, which the Gwynriels will hop on board for just to say "ofc SJM wouldn't spoil Gwynriel in a quiz 🙄"
That's what happens when you form a conclusion and then read the books to zero in on any scrap of text you can twist to fit that conclusion. When you read backwards, you form backwards opinions 🤷🏻‍♀️
People have got to understand that being anti a ship doesn't mean they hate that character. All I see Eluciens & Gwynriels do is accuse people of hating Lucien and Gwyn. Which is crazy. Nobody hates them, im pretty sure feelings towards these characters have only soured due to the insanity of the fandom, not the books or characters themselves.
And I've been very clear about this. For example, Lucien was actually my favorite character in ACOTAR. But when SJM stopped writing him, I stopped liking him as much. When Lucien and Elain were declared mates in ACOMAF - I was actually in support. It was only in ACOWAR did I see how unsuited they were for each other that I realized I don't think this ship is endgame. I reached that conclusion without hating Lucien or Elain - imagine that?
Furthermore, I actually got Lucien in that fated mates quiz. And I was not surprised nor was I disappointed by the answer. It tracks. If I were to go for a man, it would definitely be someone like Lucien. Even my current boyfriend has the same kind of traits as Lucien (dry wit, snarky, but able to switch to polite and charming at the drop of a hat).
But that's the important distinction. I, personally, would go for a man like Lucien. But I am not Elain.
And I know that. I am able to objectively read these books and form accurate conclusions because I don't let my personal preferences cloud my judgement of what is on the actual page.
I might personally prefer a man like Lucien, but Elain clearly does not. She wants nothing to do with him.
And if people were able to stop with the self-inserts and obsessions over fictional men, they would be able to read these books with a clear mind. The way they were meant to be read.
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wineonmytshirt · 1 year
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***If you are triggered by any mentions of self harm and/or mental health problems PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING & DO NOT READ my tags on this post.****
i just need to vent so badly and this is my safe space i don't know where else to put this 😰😰
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hella1975 · 10 months
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all hate to tiktok for taking 'having a space to more openly and actively talk about different cultures' to mean 'cultures are NOT to be shared and we must be vigilantly defensive of our cultures for fear of appropriation, a word that can be applied to any multicultural interaction'. like of course cultural appropriation is a very real problem but ive seen with the access to global multicultural conversation that tiktok provides it's made people TERRIFIED to even interact with cultures other than their own for fear of 'doing it wrong'. like at some point you have to acknowledge that in the real world of the great outdoors, the majority of people are eager to SHARE their cultures. yes there are ignorant questions and biases but also... how do you think those things get unlearnt? i dont understand how deciding that multiculturalism is an elephant in the room instead of a normal thing that should just be talked about and lived with is supposed to benefit anyone? and kids on tiktok are CONVINCED that it's a time bomb of a conversation to have and therefore must be avoided at all costs but like. people generally LOVE their home and their culture and are PROUD of it and want to share it. how have we made it so that showing genuine interest and a desire to understand something so integral to a person's identity is now feared and borderline demonised?
#thinking about this a lot lately. thinking about how fun it was comparing cultural differences in america#thinking of how when i was homesick one thing i found a great comfort in was talking about my home#and how it differed and i really loved and appreciated it when people would ask me about england#in a way that they genuinely just wanted to learn about it and not to take the piss#thinking about how the kitchen at work has chefs from all over europe. we have an irish chef and a spanish chef and an italian chef#and one of the kps is from eastern europe (i havent actually been able to find out where yet) etc and the way they banter with each other#like usually chefs are Problematic bc their humour is VERY abrasive and usually offensive#but this is one instance where it's actually to their benefit bc they're so unafraid to ADDRESS THE FACT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES#i feel like the tiktok gen are so petrified of even acknowledging other cultures let alone discussing them#that it's actually sending the conversation backwards. like how does hoarding your culture and pretending it's not there benefit anyone#LET ALONE YOU AND THE CULTURE IN QUESTION. idk it just baffles me a bit that something that started as people on tiktok#genuinely spreading information and talking about the BAD side of this where people DO culturally appropriate or invade spaces that arent#theirs has now become 'for fear of speaking bad about it we will not speak about it at all'. and they'll crucify you if you do. like what#even at uni my best mate is indian and she's too scared to join the sikh society on her own so i regularly go to the events with her#and im typically one of the handful (or the only) white non-sikh there and i get SO welcomed each time#like there's such a genuine excitement to share the culture with someone who is effectively a blank slate#and like yeah ill ask 'dumb' questions or i'll have different experiences (tried a samosa for the first time at one of these events#and the moment that info got out i had like five STRANGERS trying to give me different samosas to try and it was genuinely such#a laugh bc yes they were TEASING me bc 'how have you never had one' but they were also really eager to share MORE as a result)#ugh idk what im saying. i just think it's a shame to watch this happen in real time on the internet#when if people would just go outside and actually TALK to people from other cultures they'd realise 9 times out of 10 the interactions#are actually really really nice for BOTH parties. and actually refusing to talk about this stuff is long-term pretty fucking detrimental#and it also goes the other way!!! like imagine if i - citizen of colonisation motherland herself - didn't interact with other cultures#and didnt ask questions or hear their opinions on whatever shared history we have from THEIR POINT OF VIEW#imagine the kind of shit id be internalising bc i only hung out with other white british people. it wouldnt matter if i was doing it#to be woke or 'respect their culture'. it would still be fucking ignorant. like half my interactions with other cultures#see me as the butt of the joke bc of this like aforementioned irish chef at work VOCALLY slates the english all the time#but it's done in an environment where we're FRIENDS and it's poking fun at each other while still addressing a very serious history. like??#idk if any of this is worded in a way that makes sense but yeah. i have thoughts#cant believe i got inspired to make an actually serious post bc of the CHEFS AT WORK. embarrassing. no one let them see this
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waywardsalt · 1 year
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mmmgh
#salty talks#this one is personal but not in a scary just in a i need to say this shit somewhere way#botw/totk… i do not fucking like th. like gameplay is fun puzzles are cool world is cool but like.#the lackluster story and characters honest to god drag it the fuck down for me#none of the characters are actuslly interesting and ganondorf is the only one i want to see in totk#like i got the master sword. i got it and its like whatever. i know whats up with the light dragon and i dont care#totk is making me start to dislike this version of zelda and idk how to feel abt that#no one feels like. interesting. everyone is either good or evil or a fucking side character with a paper thin life#and totk with its fucking no-nuance go kill ganondorf plot is just. stop making half of the plot take place in the fucking past#i havent really done much story stuff but like. GOD. no one in totk is meant to be morally gray its all so fucking black and white#what happened to having major characters who were morally dubious and were actually fascinating to watch#i dont like that most of the major characters in totk/botw are Good Guys and Nice To Link nobody actually interests me#i was SO excited that the lurelin pirates would be a new group of characters to contend with but no. monsters. fuck#they had a chance to maybe get into the kingdoms more dubious past concerning the sheikah and then made the sheikah barely important#and then made the yiga more of a joke instead of like. doing anything with their interesting past#no fuck you heres some all new shit that has nothing to do with what came before and the same shallow conflict and characters#theyve dipped their toes into morally dubious characters and genuinely fascinating characters and the idea that the kingdom of hyrule isnt#all that and gave more room for drawing your own conclusions and totk just hands over the most black and white experience#im playing to finish the story and finish the game i actively do not care or expect much from these characters#and it just seems like the narrative is going to bend over backwards to put hyrule as the ultimate moral good and any opposition as bad#and all but force you to accept that because it just proves that sentiment correct over and over again and its fucking bland#idk. aomething about the writing of this game fucking frustrates me esp when i think abt how past games were written#imperialist shit aside this game’s story and characters are so fucking. par for the course bland. i dont care beyond ‘oh thata charming’#i dont think about this game’s story. it doesnt make me think it just shoves events and character actions at me and moves on#fuck.#it feels like its just. telling me shit. not giving me much room to really decide for myself. zelda is good ganondorf is bad fuck nuance ig#it seems so fucking scared of being a little bit complex. this is why i say 'i miss linebeck' i miss complicated ideas and characters#just. totk seems like it REALLY wants you to have specific thoughts about these events and characters. doing everything it can to prove#the good guys right and the bad guys wrong and having pretty much no one be in between or like. anything. its all standard
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Uh-oh. This is bad
#For some reason I always end up predicting my life events through the fiction I write or read with scary accuracy#especially if everything I’m writing/consuming “feels right” and like I’m being pulled into it#I was just pulled into The Metamorphosis and woke up in the middle of the night to finish reading it#I think I know who that book applies to#And now this book… hm#Don’t like that#unreality#magical thinking#tagging as that just in case but it’s happened before multiple times#They’re not necessarily actual premonitions; they’re me subconsciously piecing together a puzzle of clues#that all lead to me figuring out the most likely series of events to follow#Maybe I’ve heard in-depth information about these books before; but only remember it in the back of my mind#so that the front of my mind cannot recall; and have only been guided by what I’ve heard whispered back there#a subconscious switch gets thrown at the critical point and I’m drawn to it#I knew what happened and what was going to happen in 2018 back in 2017 from my sketchbooks and story outlines#I read Crime and Punishment and like clockwork events very similar to what had happened in the book started happening to me#It worked backwards for awhile from 2019–2021 after I got caught#Every time I happened to glance at a clock; there was either a 4 or a 20 or a 24 on the display. Always. No exceptions.#This went on for months. Those numbers were part of a spell I wrote and recited over and over again; I won’t say the words#because I’m not sure if it’s so much a spell as it is a curse — it is a self-deprecating spell#I only started seeing this number pattern AFTER I had been caught as an apostate; not before#before I’d look at the clock and it would say 5:33 or 9:15 or 12:45; after it was 4:04 or 2:24 or 12:20 ON THE DOT#Call me crazy but if every time you looked at a clock for MONTHS it always read a specific set of numbers you’d go a little nutty too#THEN in 2021 I read 1984 and it described my life up until that point PERFECTLY (WITH the number 4 plastered all over it)#Something happened back then and it’s still fucking happening because I was caught at the end of 2019#Just a little over four years away from the year 2024 and I was driven to set my exit date at 4/24/2024 before reading 1984#1984 is set in April 4 1984; April 4 is 20 days away from 4/24… SEE WHAT I MEAN?! I’m a raving lunatic but I’m right
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groupwest · 10 months
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oh my god i wanna puke. my boss just texted me, he’s inviting everyone to a going away party for my coworker, probably the one i get on with the best, who is the most like *my peer* who i try so hard to be normal and sociable with. i didn’t even know she was leaving for good, i can’t do such a last minute thing, my autism assessment with the psychiatrist is the day after that and then im going away for multiple days without my family to help me and i need so much time to prepare OH MY GOD i can’t do any of these things. at least i don’t think i can do this stupid dinner but i just feel so awful about it somehow. she’s literally not even my peer she’s seventeen she won’t remember me in a year so why do i CARE. it’s also the first opportunity to bond with my coworkers I’ve gotten which i have been saying i wanted, becuz i cannot make enough small talk when i’m working like everyone else to become as friendly as i’d like to be with them all. i’m just catastrophizing this all but like. grrrrr. i wish i was normal. i want them to like and respect me so bad and i know that saying yes and going to this dinner will abet in that. but also if i did go, what if i’m insufferably awkward and awful and unlikable, strange, off-putting. stupid and annoying and too confusing or muddled or dull to bother with. why must everything happen all at once. why is it that everyone wants to go out to restaurants to socialise. it’s literally horrible.
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pepprs · 1 year
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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol
#purrs#delete later#not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really#comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel#where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it#all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly#and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking#getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest#colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w#we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight#we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the#participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a#and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of#them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we#did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i#have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also#HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a#failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as#emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i#failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year#and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs#like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE#PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and#we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting#everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid#bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i#get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i#am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that#just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol
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aritimena · 9 months
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five stages of Bink’s Sake:
1. what is that audio of Uta One Piece singing a sea shanty?
2. fuck yeah Bink’s Sake
3. Hey it’s in the Netflix show :D!!!
4. Brook’s Backstory…
5. ah fuck it’s in my head forever now
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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months
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Everybody: physical therapy hurts! You’re going to feel like you’ve been beaten up after you get out
Me: yep okay
Me when the physical therapy hurts:
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#she said ‘just to warn you; this massage gun is maximum strength. you can’t buy this at home. it’s a professional one’#and my dumb ass said ‘okay :)’ thinking i was going to be fine because i’m not exactly a stranger to vibrations if you catch my drift#BIIIIIIIITCH#i felt like i was being jackhammered into the table and not in a pleasant way#had me sweating bullets and clutching the table for dear life#anyway long story short my knee is taped up now with some sort of special tape that Will remove my skin if i try to take it off too soon#or without soaking#it feels kind of bizarre i won’t even lie. it feels simultaneously like it’s going to come off; but also feels very On There#i love that i’m getting the athlete treatment and i didn’t even have to play a sport. this is what happens when you have weird knees#apparently. did you guys know it’s not really normal to be able to bend your knees backwards?#i’ve been doing it my whole life and never knew. she was like ‘you’re hyperextending your knees’ i was like ‘i’m doing WHAT’#googled it and apparently it’s usually a sign of injury LOL#and apparently my dad could do it too. yeah the same dad who was constantly dislocating hips and elbows and knees. GREAT#honestly am starting to think the only reason this problem (repeated dislocations) has only just flared up is because i am lazy#if i was like my dad and played sports i’d probably have dislocated every joint i have by now#thank god my hobbies are literally all sedentary. anyway. if you need me i’ll be eating dinner (fish fingers and potatoes lol)#personal
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sexybabystevie · 2 years
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this is to ONE PERSON and one person ONLY. if you're confused, it's not you!
#you know. i saw you posted today from a different account. and it was one i totally forgot about#i didnt even feel like running back this time. was i curious? yes. did i end up looking? yep.#im saying this even though im 98% sure you cant see it but whatever. since when has that stopped me before?#you seemed fine. to say seeing that didnt piss me off would be a lie. oops i guess#i think its funny how the last thing you posted was stolen from me.#today it was one of those tag games we used to do together. your taglist was empty with some excuse of being absent on this app#i cant help but wonder if thats really all of it. if thats the whole story or not. i have a feeling the answer is no#i dont think youll ever understand the impact of what you did to me and the ways that you treated me. how that immensely fucked me up#or how youve basically thrown me to the wolves ever since you emotionally checked out.#you act like i never mattered to you and its been like that for forever. i made so many excuses on your behalf that i never should have.#these days the thought of you makes me go insane. the kind of insane that leaves me up all night and makes me wanna scream at the top#of my lungs. i have been consumed by anguish and hate. yes. im not afraid to say it anymore. i hate what happened and what you did to me#and sometimes i even hate you. and i dont even feel bad about it. im so over that because if theres anything i deserve after this hell then#its the capability to hate. for once in my life.#i saw your post and wondered if you thought of me. and i hope you did. i hope you thought of me and at the very least it stung.#because whether you want to admit it or not i was someone good. i bent over backwards for you every other day. try finding someone to do#everything that i did for you that you never appreciated. try finding someone who will care as much as i did about someone who couldnt be#bothered to tell me happy birthday. i dare you. because im tired of being sad that youre not here. im tired of being the one whos mourning#im so over it actually. because really i did so much for you. i gave up so much to be a good friend and it was never enough. i genuinely#cared about you. im not going to torture myself anymore by overanalyzing your posts or by thinking that i was nothing to you#because in one way or another youll miss me. and i hope the feeling is hell.#in the wise and paraphrased words of taylor swift. karma only comes back around to those who deserve it#in other words ill be fine#em speaks#tw vent ish#sorry to everyone else although i applaud you for being nosy lmao. gotta have my girlboss moment <3
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notjanine · 2 years
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help, he waited for me after class and when we were walking out of the building it was so nice out i was like Damn i might go for a hike and he was like Okay let’s go. we went to one of my favorite trails (which he hadn’t been to before), and there’s this spot off a path that’s not very trafficked that’s got a nice big flat rock and we chilled there and talked for a whiiiiiiiile, and okay i did not ask him what the fuck is going on, but i did ask if these long phone calls and voice notes are things he does with everyone, and he said no. y’all what thee fuck is happening. i’m going insane. also we saw a zopherus nodulosus ironclad beetle SCREAM 10/10
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sugarhillpark · 2 years
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not me waking up last night after 3-5 hours of drifting uneasily in and out of sleep on the sofa and having a vivid dream involving what i assume are now actual fanfic scenes that i am writing against my will involving anxious california vampire ray and invasive pool boy gerard
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