#and i ended up talking to some first graders and ONE OF THEM WAS TRANS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pineappleciders · 1 year

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Can you do sp main 4 with a reader who is trans mtf?? I really like your ftm one and since my sister is trans mtf she would love to read this x

sp main 4 finding out reader is trans mtf

A/N: i am so glad you liked it and i hope your sister likes this too!!!! i know this is really similar to the ftm one mainly because i dont think they'd react too differently! link to ftm vers here

also i wanted to add that i usually write with a fem reader differently than a g/n or masc reader!! mostly because they're like 4th graders and the whole girls vs boys thing. so i'm sorry if they're... colder??? idk how to describe it😭

stan marsh

he's just like "oh" in a surprised voice

doesn't really care but might ask a few,,, personal questions. he's genuinely curious and he doesn't mean harm. asks about what it means and why you transitioned

"how did you find out? like what does it feel like?"

he might encourage you to talk to wendy and the girls if you haven't become friends with them already! he says this because he knows it'd probably be nice for you to hang out with other girls so they can dress you up and help you feel like you fit in

also puts in a good word to wendy for you and u two become friends :)

again you coming out might make him question his own gender. he just gets really confused because he's never had the chance to explore himself and having a trans friend makes him more comfortable to do so!!

might ask you questions at first about how you found out, but other than that he just treats you like how he normally does; probably forgets that you're trans if anything

kyle broflovski

kyle never really hangs out with girls in the first place, the closest girl friends he has being you and sometimes wendy. he is very awkward around girls .

so you don't have to worry about him treating you like more of a bro after you come out, because he doesn't. if he were to treat you any differently he would treat you like more of a girl if anything if that makes sense

like he doesn't mean to exclude you but he figures it'd make you feel better to not be grouped with the boys??

"yeah, i get that. sometimes i feel like i was made to be a tall black man. it's really hard to play basketball as a 4'3" jewish white boy."

mostly, he doesn't really care, and he probably actually would prefer not to hear you talk about it. like i mean he prefers to not hear about 'assigned genders' because it makes him think of genitalia and honestly he does not like to think about that

so yeah, he's a little confused but he tries his best to understand, and he might be appreciative that you opened up about it, but for the most part he's just like "good for you" and moves on

eric cartman

similar to the ftm one, since he's known you as a girl all this time that no matter how hard he wants to misgender you he never truly sees you as anything other than a girl

he'll call you names and tease you for it but at the end of the day he still sees you as a cootie-ridden girl

he kicks you out of games because 'girls can't play games' and the others say you can play and he gets all pissy

he shoos you away at lunch not because you're trans but because you're a girl. he would rather be caught dead than hanging out with a chick. so in a way he's kind of accidentally an ally LOL

he gets uncomfortable when the topic gets brought up and would prefer not to think about it. he genuinely wants to stay out of it because he does NOT want to know what people have down under. absolutely hates thinking about it

"dude, i already live in a hot dog. i don't need to have any more wieners in my face."

kenny mccormick

he looks at you funny all confused.

"mph, nmph? mphph? (wait, what? really?)"

"mmphmph, mph mphph mmf mmphh.. (jesus, dude, i never would've guessed.)"

he's genuinely really confused because all the stereotypes of trans girls he's seen on tv and they all depict them looking super masculine and stuff. he's never really met a trans person so he's confused when you're just some normal kid

he's supportive, but he doesn't really care. he pats you on the back and says cool and then goes back to like. playing mario kart or whatever you guys were doing

he doesn't know anything about what it means so he might ask some questions about what dysphoria is and transitioning and all that. he will listen genuinely but he might fall asleep. he actually does care though!!!

thinks it's interesting but never brings it up again or talks about it and treats you like normal. honestly he would be very happy to play princesses with you as princess kenny

you have sleepovers and he acts all girly. like you do his hair and nails and dress him up and he kicks his feet having the time of his life

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epicsteddieficrecs · 1 year

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Epic Steddie Fic Rec (February 5th-March 5th 2023)

Damn, has it already been a month? Time flies! I've had a few busy weekends, I've been away from home for a few of them, so that's why the momentary absence. I hope you enjoy this!

I just want to take a moment to mention that I'm selling some "fandom" bookmarks that I've made! If you like the Avengers, Captain Marvel, The Madalorian, Baby Yoda, or Star Wars, I have some fabrics for you! You can find the info here!

Complete

🖤 it's brutal out here by ithinkicouldloveher (Modern AU, Teacher Steve, Soulmates | 16K | Explicit): or, steve harrington hasn’t yet found his soulmate, but between his best girl eleven jane, the whirlwind that is robin buckley, and a wily group of third graders, he’s got plenty enough on his plate. that is, until another single father by the name of eddie munson stumbles into (the wrong) class.

In Cabin D by blueeyesandpie (Post-S4, Trans Male Eddie, Cabin fic | 6K | Explicit): Steve and Eddie take the party camping...and end up with a cabin to themselves. They've been together a while, but this is their first chance to do anything; they take full advantage.

sun down, you’re up by tkhwh (PWP, Trans Male Eddie | 1,6K | Explicit): Eddie wakes up with Steve plastered against his back while he’s still inside of him after a long, long night. Looks like he has a long, long morning ahead of him too.

All Day Event by Lynn1998 (PWP, Trans Male Eddie | 7K | Explicit): Steve and Eddie are meeting up with Robin and Nancy at the fair. It’s impossible for them to go anywhere without putting their hands on each other.

🖤 we can love each other (i've been told it's okay) by deadratz (Post-S4, Friends to Lovers | 15K | Explicit): Eddie has wondered for a while if Steve knows what kind of signals he sends. He’s wondered if Steve realizes what kinds of things he implies while talking about his failed dates. Eddie ignores it because that’s safer than addressing it. Until it’s clear ignoring it isn’t doing anyone any favors. (Alternatively: Is it gay to sit in your boy best friend's lap while you talk about how bored you are with heterosexual sex? Depends on who you ask.)

Reach Out by VenusDoom3 (No Upside Down AU, Canon Divergent, Getting Together | 5K | Explicit): “I didn’t know how much I’d miss you until you were gone. Right before you left, I kinda… figured some things out about myself, but I didn’t know if you’d… but I missed my chance to find out.” Without knowing he intended to speak, Eddie opened his mouth, vaguely surprised at the dusty rasp of his voice. “You didn’t know if I’d what?” “Y’know.” His face flushing even more deeply red, Steve smiled awkwardly. “Be interested.”

"You ever been in love?" by HairMetal666/ @hairmetal666 (Canon Divergent, Post-S2 | 12K | Teen): It's fall 1984 and Eddie starts passing notes with an anonymous classmate. It changes his life

🖤pulling your strings by Thorinoakentwig/ @thorinoakentwig (Time Loop AU | 14K | Teen): He wakes up to the melody of Kate Bush and the sound of Dustin and Lucas arguing about what sounds like who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman. It’s like ice water dripping down his spine and Steve jerks up wide eyed and horrified as the kids look over at him in confusion. (Or: Steve lives the same day over and over again trying to save his friends)

Let's Be More Than Strangers by DrowningByDegrees/ @drowningbydegrees (Canon Divergent, Season 3, Fake Relationship | 19K | Teen): It’s meant to be a one-off favor to Robin, Eddie passing himself off as her boyfriend. Robin gets to hang onto the secret of why she never so much as bats an eyelash at the guys who come into Scoops Ahoy. Eddie gets more ice cream than he knows what to do with and the opportunity to pull one over on the former King of Hawkins High. Unfortunately, it all works just a little too well, and Eddie finds himself continuing to come back. Before any of them know it, Eddie is annoyed to find he’s pining over a straight boy, Steve is drowning in guilt as he falls just a little bit in love with his friend’s boyfriend, and Robin would really like them to figure out their nonsense before she dies of secondhand embarrassment.

🖤 Ahoy, Big Boy by ChronicRabbit/ @chronicrabbit (Canon Divergent, Season 3 | 80K | Explicit): Scoops Ahoy. America’s favorite place to cool down, and quite possibly the lamest summer job under the blazing Indiana sun. Especially if you were former High School royalty, brutally rejected by each and every university you’d applied to and promptly cut off by your shitty parents in an effort to teach: “some goddamned responsibility.” Between accidentally intercepted secret Russian communications, a meddling preteen matchmaker with no collarbones, and increased proximity with Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, a measly $3 an hour plus tips is nowhere near enough to deal.

WIP

Burning Love by FluffyChicken (Modern AU, Firefighter Steve | 9/12 | 39K | Explicit): Firefighter Steve Harrington meets one Eddie Munson and their lives change forever.

🖤 better by you, better than me by palmviolet/ @palmviolet (Canon Divergent, Season 1-2 | 20/? | 106K | Mature | Warning: Violence): November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

🖤 here be dragons by pukner/ @pukner (Canon Divergent, Autistic Steve & Eddie | 3/? | 19K | Explicit): Eddie Munson has kissed a boy, and now he has to handle the fallout. He’s got to grapple with the fact that he likes boys, likes a boy, and the harrowing fact that he may have inadvertently broken said boy’s heart. (Part 3 of off-script)

Reboot by plutosrose/ @plutosrose (Modern AU, Actor Steve & Eddie | 3/10 | 10K | Explicit): In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren’t speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update–his character gets together with Eddie’s.

🖤 Steve Harrington’s Radical Fun Time Babysitting Service by Humanities_Handbag/ @humanityinahandbag, Invader_Sam (No Upside Down AU, 90’s | 23/? | 88K | Mature): Alternatively: Steve accidentally starts a babysitting service, falls in love, panics [in bisexual], and gets himself a boyfriend. (Part 1 of 90’s Music Store AU)

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #steddie fanfiction #steddie fic rec #epic steddie fic rec

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dumbassphysict · 9 months

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Rant

I'm starting 9th grade in a few days and I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself. I'm in the more advanced classes like APUSH, pre ap English and honors geometry (sad there's no ap geometry.) But last year I took strings rather than a language and now IM STUCK WITH THE FUCKING 8TH GRADERS. because in 8th grade you cant take strings and a language. And those 8th graders fuckers are feral. my grade is filled with entitled fucks who act like idiots constantly, but they know not to shout racist and homophobic comments any chance they get. And im a trans autistic kid, im fucked. so for context, at the end of the year this central/south american band comes and plays for all the grades. a group of these kids thought it was funny to shout obsine and racist comments throught their preformence. And one of those kids came up to me durring the haloween parade and was holding up his cross and shouting "the power of christ compels you" at me????? And when we went to get icecream after he was there and was standing uncomfortably close to me when I was paying. same kid also poked a hole in one of the kids blow up amung us costume. I got lucky enough for none of the kids in my grade to outright bully me for being trans but if those kids find out im trans there going to harass me any chance they get.

And im in gym. last year I almost lost high honors because that fucking class. I have NO stamina in the first place and im out of shape because all I did all summer was quit my job because my back hurt so fucking much, build a prototype robot, read and watch dnd podcasts. Im not very athletic, my back hurts all the time and every time I try to do something athletic, some place in my body goes 'haha fuck you' and hurts like hell. last year i fucked up my knee and now every time I run I get worried ill hyper-extend it. most of this is probably because im out of shape tho. and I have no intention of geting in shape because im not doing any sports or anything. I just hope my gym teacher isnt a dick to me like last year and lets me sit out if im not feeling good. I know my gym teacher last year was a good teacher but when I asked to sit out because my knee/back hurt a ton or I was insanely tired (I had some pretty bad chronic fateuge last year, on better meds now tho) she would tell me 'oh well im tired too/ well my back hurts too but im still able to participate.' Honistly it got to a point where I think she thought I was faking just to get out of class(I wasent doing that, I hate gym but if I could partipate I would beause I wasent about to fail a class.) I guess it did seem real convenient that almost every class I was too tired/in pain to participate. not to mention all the try hards would make a point of not letting me participate in a game. I would try to get them to pass the ball to me or something and they just wouldent. to be fair I had no clue what was happining most of the time and I am not good at sports so Id just fuck up every time I got the chance to do some thing. and that did not help my case.

Im not trying to be like ' oh woe is me, my life sucks' or anything. I just had to get this out there because every time I try to talk to someone about it they tell me to suck it up. which is fair because these things aren't important. had to write it all down to get it out of my head. :p

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ursbearhug · 1 year

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One of the main reason I no longer try to argue with the folk who purchase The Antisemitic Fear Mongering the game, is because it's bascially talking a wall.

Every possible argument you make they strawman like their life depends on it (which it really does because the moment they realise they did something wrong is the end of all, instead of - ya know - apologise and go on do better) and the argument they do understand, will unlogic out to you until you die from brain malfunction. Like in Sims 3 when you asked another sim to divide 0 and they just set ablaze and die.

Examples? "Hey by purchasing the Fear Mongerer the game you help a billionaire racist and xenophobic trans-exlusionist ruin lives of milion other people" and they hit you with "well, there is no ethical consumption under capitalism" (strawman; they are aware that your argument is unbeatable because it warrants 5 minutes long Google search to prove that, yes, JK Rowling is indeed that horrible of a shell of human being, therefore they take the "purchase" part and decide to fight this bit because you cannot refute them)

Or the new one I see a lot on Tumblr; "well, I donated 3x the cost of the game to "Poor organisation trying their best to shelter trans folk" so my purchase of the Racist and Anti-Semitic narrative the game is justified". No, it's not. Even if every buyer, somehowly, manages to donate triple the amount of games price, we're talking about what? 600 per buyer? To a lowly organisation scrambling for money because they fight against something that most people would rather look away from? Versus a millionaire author collecting royalties? This is also a moment where I really want everyone to step into academic field and try to write 1 (one) paper that would go through the Copy Right program without a single problem on their first try and maybe, just maybe, they'd realise how royalties, copyright and copyright theft works. Also I really, really want people to understand it's not The Witcher situation; where the author gives away the rights to the mark. Even if we ignore (which is pretty hard to do) JK Rowling's words about "folk who helps Harry Potter, help me" (or whatever the fuck) and treat that just as a "I don't want to feel horrible so I'm saying words", she still racks up obscene cash from people who's reading capabilities didn't evolve past 1st grader or are so hung up on their childhood and unable to let go. Bitches will make fun of people for buying and being invested in Pokemon and have "uwu I'm such a ravenclaw" in their profile bio and not a single spark between their last remaining braincells would be ignited in the spawn of this event. You're not ravenclaw, you're just an imbecile.

And even when you go neck deep into the issue of the game being antisemitic and not actually transphobic, they'll still manage to use their lack of common sense which can and will numb you into state of unconsciousness.

It would be easier, and better, if they just straight up admit they don't care and would rather play the poor (not really considering the price tag) man's version of Dark Souls but with wands and magic and Harry Potmaker veneer. I would have lesser beef with that because at least we're being transparent and honest, instead of making weird hills to die on that make zero sense and make all the logic roll in its grave. Like, really, just say you'd rather pay for this game and play it with 0 critical thinking involved and be done with it. It will not lesser the bullying some folks are willing to go with, but it will lessen the headache you're inflicting with your absolute lack of awareness and empathy.

#percy does things #will delete later

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comas-are-for-sleeping · 2 years

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i also love little people in general btw. i wish i got a moment alone with the little people in my family and was simultaneously able to say more than like three words so i could discuss the world with them because i feel like they'd have a lot to say yk. my eleven yr old cousin a while back looked straight at her dad when he was joking abt some lady's accent and just went "that's racist" when me and my brother just laughed awkwardly (80% of this being bc we can't hear for shit and neither of us knew what he was saying?? rip???? but we still would have done the same probably bc yk. we were raised by a lot of people who never said anything abt anything and mostly only made sex jokes) so i just would like to discuss w her. what she thinks abt all this. and with my sister tbh. theyve begun to understand concepts i was oblivious to when i was their age so it intrigues me

oh my goodness yes!! my little cousin is constantly saying things that just absolutely *send* me. he declared he wante to push trump in the grass and also wanted to marry his best friend (a boy) so they could “play with legos all day.” (all this while also being obsessed w the american flag and military planes, it’s very interesting)

#he’s in third grade i think??#just an utter character #small children are spectacular #OH. THAT REMINDS ME. i did a jazz performance for a few elementary schools a while back #and i ended up talking to some first graders and ONE OF THEM WAS TRANS #she hid a stuffed animal under her two swearshirts bc kids werent allowed to have them at school #(so that others didnt get jealous)#ot was kind of hot #and so over the course of the performance she took both sweatshirts off #and she hid the stuffed animal under a little pile in her lap #it’s terrible bc i will probably never see her again #ask #loumingju #pen and ink

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im-like-if-a-girl · 3 years

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*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!

I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.

Let's start with

Plot

Season 1

Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."

The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.

The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.

It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.

Okay, now let's move on to the first episode

Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.

I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.

HOWEVER

I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.

Y'all know where this is going.

Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)

But

Now onto

Characters!!! (And descriptions)

Dean Winchester

Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair

Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.

He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.

Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.

(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)

Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.

It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.

Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.

Sam Winchester

His hair gets longer in every scene he's in

No jk, but imagine

King of Microaggressions

Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...

It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!

He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)

Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*

Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.

Jess

She gets to live beyond the first episode

She is also trans

No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜

She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.

She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam

No jk!!!

But imagine....

She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.

She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.

She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.

She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.

Castiel

He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.

I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.

He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*

Claire

She gets pink hair

And more time with Cas

And maybe a nose piercing

Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes

She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.

She deserves it.

Jack

I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."

Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.

Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.

This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.

It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.

It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.

(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)

Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid

Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager

Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.

Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.

But Jack is a child and should be a child.

Kelly Kline

Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.

Eileen

SHE DOESN'T DIE

SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.

BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!

She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.

John

J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.

He's dead.

We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.

He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)

People who get to say "fuck" on the show:

Cas (but only Once)

Jody

Bobby

Now onto other things

I want more of

Ghostfacers

(they need more screentime because I love them)

Dean/Benny

We know they had a thing.

They definitely had a thing.

Demon Dean

Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.

Dean's Bisexuality

Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself

You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?

Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience

He will get to have relations with men on this show.

Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.

We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?

Okay, glad we're on the same page.

Dads

3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.

I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)

Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.

"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."

Garth

Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.

I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.

Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.

I love Garth.

Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???

This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???

KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????

Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.

Tamara from season 3, episode 1.

And of course-

Cassie

She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////

She gets to be a badass.

Religious imagery

As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."

Fun episodes!!!

Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes

I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)

So anyway

In my version we would have more fun episodes

I'm thinking

GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!

(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)

An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner

That's it, end of post.

I want less

Racism

Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)

Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...

Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????

I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-

Okay we won't get into that but

Still

Stop killing all your POC

Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters

I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but

One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie

Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.

And also Claire

Charlie Bradbury Superiority

Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.

British Men of Letters

I fucking hate these guys

They're "litcherally" the worst.

The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.

And you can tell

Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.

tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.

@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse

Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.

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himbothomas · 3 years

Text

Video Games || 2018 || PT. 1

“Your house is nice.”

Dean says, mostly to be polite but also cause he means it. Levi scoffs, leading him around the cluttered kitchen island towards the basement steps. His older sister, Sabrina, had already stalked upstairs, but she’d smiled when Dean told her she was a good driver, and had let him pick out which Paramore CD to play. She smelled really good, too, but Dean wasn’t about to risk one of the only friendships he had. And, until yesterday when he asked him to hang out after school today, Levi had been strictly a practice and class friend. They usually had to run laps together for dicking around between drills and usually got detention together for dicking around between classes, but this was different. It’s not like Dean was hurting for friends-everyone liked him and he and most of the other 11th graders on the football team hung out together in a big group, but no one has ever invited him over to their house. Just him.

And Levi. Dean really likes Levi. Really likes him. He, Dean notices as they settle on the well worn couch, also smells really good.

Shit. Fuck. Dean stops just short of shaking himself. He-well he wasn’t gay. He likes girls. But he also likes…Levi. It’s stupid and Dean knows it-the best thing that could come out of acting on those sorts of feelings is getting completely ostrichized. He’d be lucky if he didn’t end up hospitalized, for that matter. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t look. Or think about him before he falls asleep. Or purposefully get detention for the third time in a week so they could keep hanging out. Levi settles next to him, and it’s not weird for Dean to look, so he does. Curly black hair and eyes that were green in the right light. A tan that was half freckles and a quarter Puerto Rico and a smile that keeps Dean up at night, one he returns easily.

“Oh.” Levi says, standing again to grab the Xbox controllers. Dean tries not to look at his ass but it’s right there. Maybe he just likes nice asses. That’s not that weird.

Levi hands him the controller and continues to fuck with his Xbox.

“Madden or call of duty?”

Dean scoffs “You think after finally being done with football season, I wanna play football on screen?”

“So you suck at Madden?” Levi responds, booting up the game and laughing when Dean flips him off.

“No I’m just trying to be a good guest-“

“You just flipped me the bird-“

“I don’t think it’s polite to kick your host’s ass within 20 minutes of arrival.”

“Whatever.” Levi says, sitting back on the couch and closer to Dean. It’s just because he has wired controllers and doesn’t want to stretch the cord out. Dean has to stop from physically yelping when their knees touch. He shifts away. Levi, for his part, is texting.

“My mom says you can eat dinner with us if you want.”

The thought of processed food not from the organic grocery store is even more attractive than his friend or his sister.

“Oh cool. Sure, thanks.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “You’re not even gonna ask your parents?”

“Do they still hold your hand when you cross the street, little boy?”

“Fuck off. “Levi shoves him and Dean laughs

“Nah I don’t have to do shit. My mom doesn’t care about me and Kenny forgets my name once football is over.”

“Oh shut up, sad sack your mom cares about you.” Levi rolls his eyes and picks the Dallas Cowboys as his team. Dean let’s him and picks the Patriots simply because-

“Why the fuck did you pick the worst team to ever fucking exist?”

“I figured if you’re gonna insist that I kick your ass I might as well break your spirit too.”

Levi shoves him again and Dean’s mission is accomplished. “Bastard.”

“Yeah, technically.”

Levi rolls his eyes again and they start to play. When Levi is down 40 points, Dean speaks.

“She really doesn’t care though. My mom. Which is cool most of the time cause I can do whatever I want, but last year she forgot about my birthday until it was 6 weeks later.”

Levi turns his head to look at him. “Oh you’re not kidding, are you?”

“Why do you think she bought me a car before I could drive?”

He’d failed his test twice at this point but that didn’t matter.

“That’s uh…pretty fucked, man.”

Dean shrugs. “It is what it is. I’m just wall decor unless there’s football talk or she needs to prove to someone she was once liberal enough to fuck a black guy.” Levi chokes a little on the Gatorade he's drinking.

“Jesus.”

“Nah, his name is Rodney.”

“Do you see him ever?” Levi asks. Something about the genuine curiosity in his voice is so nice that Dean lets him get a first down.

“Ha!”

“Nah. He took off when I was like…4? 5? And then we lived with my grandparents for a bit, which was cool. My grandpa was fucking awesome. But he died when I was like, 9 and mom was already with Kenny at that point so I never felt like I could ask about my dad.”

“You ever wanna meet him?”

Usually people express some sort of false sympathy for him, but Levi is too focused on making passes Dean is letting slide.

“Oh I did. Last Christmas. We met at Waffle House. He asked me for money.”

“What?!” Levi pauses the game and stares at him. “Whatd you do?”

Dean shrugs. “I had like $50 on me so I uh…gave it to him.”

The tips of his ears burn with shame and he looks away, suddenly uncomfortable.

“Jesus I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to like-Thats some tough shit, Deanie.”

Levi had been the first to call him that. Dean has been pretending for almost two and a half years that it didn’t make his heart race.

“It’s ok. Really. It sort of…I know now. It sucks but I can’t do a whole lot about it.”

Levi sighs. “Yeah but I shouldn’t have, like, forced you to tell me.”

“You didn’t.” Dean says easily. “It was actually nice to tell someone that.”

“Thomas.”

“Sanchez.”

“You’ve never told anyone that before?” No one’s eyes have any business looking that pretty when they’re sad. Especially Levi’s. Dean shrugs again, his voice a little lower.

“My mom doesn’t even know I met him. She’d just get pissed at me anyway so like…” he shrugs again. He feels Levi’s eyes on him and it makes his stomach tighten. “Do you wanna get back to the game or is therapy Levi still happening?”

“Stop being an asshole. That’s…so much, dude.”

“Yeah, a real winner runs through my DNA. Glad I kept his name.”

Levi groans. “You make me feel like a dick for being unhappy here.”

“You are a dick. Your mom lets you have video games and a whole basement that I’m guessing you decorated unless she’s a Kate Upton fan.”

Levi snorts. “I don’t entirely feel bad for you and your step dad’s fucking fortune and mansion.”

Dean doesn’t say anything because he knows Levi is right. “I dunno man, I’d give it all up for there to be bacon in the house.”

“What?!”

They keep talking as they play the game. Levi asks questions that are direct without prying. Dean tries to ask them back. He is shortly losing by 70 points. When the cowboys win, he does his best to demand a rematch, which, really, means he gets to keep talking to Levi.

“So-“ Levi says. “I think it’s only fair since you told me your secret, I'll tell you one of mine.”

Dean snorts. “This isn’t a friendship based on transactions you weirdo.”

“Right, yeah. Then I’m gonna be super narcissistic and make it about me.” Dean laughs at this and it’s his turn to pause the game.

“You uh, told me all that stuff because why?” Levi’s voice is different. Less confidence. Dean slowly realizes he’s nervous.

“I trust you.” Dean says, realizing he does as he says it.

“You do?”

“Should I not? Are you as shitty at keeping secrets as you are at realizing things?”

When Levi doesn’t laugh, Dean puts his controller down fully and turns to him. “Dude are you ok?”

“Yeah I uh-so what I told you before was a secret isn’t exactly secret it’s just…something I wanna ask about to see if it’s uh, normal.”

Something small and evil like a shred of hope crawls into Dean's stomach.

“Even if it’s not, Levi, I wouldnt you know, treat you differently for it.”

Levi scoffs again and Dean frowns. “What? I mean it. Have you ever known me to like, you know, judge people or whatever?”

Levi considers this and, as he strokes his thumb slowly up and down his index finger, his voice relaxes. “No. I guess I haven’t. You’re even nice to Dan-Danielle Stevens.”

Danielle was openly trans and braver than anyone else Dean knew.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“We live in Texas.”

“And I’m Black. And from Wisconsin.”

Levi laughs. “Two things I always say about you.”

Dean can’t help himself. “You talk about me a lot?”

He could be mistaken, but some of Levi’s freckles darken. “That’s not-do you want me to tell you the question or not?”

“Ask me the question, Leev.” Dean says, hoping he’s right.

Levi takes a breath. They’re facing each other on the couch now, controllers as abandoned as their math homework.

“I was just uh, you know, wondering if you-or if it’s normal or whatever... to think what it’d be like to you know…kiss another guy or something.”

All the blood leaves Dean’s upper body and rushes south.

“I think that’s normal.” Dean says, hoping he didn’t pause too long or answer too eagerly. “I mean it’s 2018, you know. Like all that gay shit is way more accepted so like, we see it more and maybe it sparks some inspiration or something.”

“Right. Ok. Yeah. Like when you see an ad for something a bunch of times and then you finally buy it. “

Dean laughs. “Yeah. Curiosity isn’t bad unless you’re a cat or like, a guy who defuses bombs.”

Levi laughs and moves a bit closer.

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“You’re getting really close to your allotted time slot being up but I’ll see what I can do.”

“I hate you.” Levi says, his smile directed just at Dean is too much to handle.

“Have you ever thought about-”

Before Levi finishes, Dean closes the distance between them, stretching out on the couch and very carefully and purposefully placing his lips on Levi’s.

And its right. It’s so right Dean almost feels bad for being so ashamed of all the times he’s thought about it.

Levi pulls away just slightly and when his thumb comes up to trace Dean’s cheekbone, that evil shred of hope doubles in size.

They stay like that for an hour, getting bolder and more confident with each kiss, their hands firmly on each other’s. When his mom comes home with the smell of pizza lingering with her and calls down the stairs, they pull apart. Without speaking, Dean knows they’re not going to talk about it, but he can’t even bring himself to care-everything he’d been fantasizing about was so much better in practice. Even if Levi never wants to see him again-

“You wanna come over again tomorrow?” Levi says, clearing his throat. His hand covers Dean’s on the couch and gives him a squeeze.

Dean’s fate is sealed before he can even finish saying “Sure.”

#drabble #video games #levi

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starswallowingsea · 4 years

Text

Catholic Guilt

1400 words and very, very personal. This is mostly based on my personal experience but I don’t doubt that some of it will ring true for other lgbtq+ ex Catholics. Content warnings for homophobia, transphobia (internal and external for both), and anti-choice sentiments.

Today, you were born. Congratulations! You have been brought into this world by your very loving parents. They give you a name and swaddle you in blankets to take you home in a few days. You will be baptized in a few weeks, dipped into the holy water to cleanse you of your sins before you can do anything besides eat, sleep, and poop.

You spend the first few months attending Mass with your parents. They give you some teething toys or your bottle to keep you from disturbing the rest of the Congregation. Having a baby disrupt the Mass will make your family look bad, after all.

You are now three years old, old enough to walk and talk. You pull out the Misselletes and flip through them, tearing out the flimsy pages and laughing. Your parents pull you away and give you a cardboard book with pictures to look at. They look away and you run off again.

You are five years old now! Such a big child, I remember when you were a little baby crying from the baby carrier in the back of the Church! It’s time for Sunday School! There are only five children there for your age group. You spend an hour after Mass every Sunday eating snacks and doing Catholic Crafts.

Happy First Communion! You are eight years old now, still not quite old enough to think for yourself, but you have to go to Confession for the first time now. You aren’t sure what to say and make something up about hating your siblings if you have any. Maybe you stole some chocolate from your family, but you don’t really know what needs to be confessed. The teachers told you to tell Father everything, but some things feel too personal to tell. Your parents dress you up in the fanciest clothes you remember wearing so you can go up and eat some bread and drink some wine in front of everyone. There are pictures afterwards.

Welcome to Middle School! You are 12 years old now, starting to think for yourself. You say you still like the Church and you still mostly blindly follow their teachings, but sometimes you think other thoughts. Sometimes you see ads that are pro-Choice and you think “that’s stupid,” but then you think about what you would do if you got pregnant. You banish the thought, because having sex at age 12 is not something you should be thinking about anyway (even though you sometimes think about your classmates like that). You’ve already been questioning your sexuality at this point, but you try not to think about it, because being gay is a sin.

14 years old and still following the Church. You’ve shaped some vague opinions on hot topic issues, still following the guide of the Church. You hear the Priest talk about how abortion is murder and how gay and trans people are ruining the sanctity of life. You quietly fume about one of these issues, but quickly move on, as the Priest has gone off on another tangent about veganism now. You continue going to confession only when Sunday School tells you to. You now have a better idea of what to confess but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Maybe if you keep it bottled up God will never see it. But speaking makes it real and you can’t even think about confessing to some of the things you’ve done even though you know you should. So you make something up and you know the Priest doesn’t believe you but you do your Hail Marys and Our Fathers as penance. Afterwards there is a pit in your stomach because you know God can still see what you didn’t confess.

You are 15 now, just starting high school and everyone seems so different now. You’ve known these kids since you were five, but you’ve always been the odd one out. You try and follow the Church’s teachings about living a holy life in example for others but it just makes you tired. So you stop caring during the week. You attend some youth groups to “keep the faith strong” but by now you know that you aren’t straight or cis and it just hurts. Every little comment just chips away at you until you feel complete apathy towards both Catholicism and Christianity in general. You still go to summer camp and winter retreats because you have lots of fun outside of the religious activities but prayer is tiring and the microaggressions leave you feeling empty and alone.

Sweet 16! You can drive now, and you’re still on the fence about the Church. You don’t miss Sunday Masses ever and it gives you structure to life. It is also the year you get confirmed. Your Church does Confirmation later than most. You are surrounded by 8th graders and your little group of High School Juniors. Even though you don’t have any bad feelings about having to go to Church on Sundays until now, the Bishop standing in front of you says that you should die for who you are. You are trans and queer and so deep in the closet you feel like you have to hide your phone screen from your parents all the time even if you aren’t looking at pride related posts. You heard your parents say once that gay marriage was ruining the country and decided never to come out, and now a Bishop, someone with a lot of local authority, says that trans people are freaks and gay people are irredeemable. You make a silent promise to yourself to dissociate with the Church. But for now, you sit, stoney faced, knowing that this man has to bless you into the Church. You feel that pit in your stomach again.

Welcome to adulthood, age 18! How exciting! You’ll be going to college soon and you need to decide if you want to keep going to Church. You know your parents and grandparents want you to go but after a few weeks you know they won’t know if you stop. They don’t ask about the Priest or his homilies or activities happening in the Church. You get away with it too, because the Church services on Campus overlap with the ones at home. You continue to go through the end of the semester, needing the time to think and walk before going back to class the next day. You hear the Priest here, too, tell you that abortion is murder but you know that people don’t go getting abortions willy-nilly and silently fume. You don’t socialize with anyone in the congregation so when you stop going in the Spring, you don’t think they notice you left.

You come home for break, now sure that you don’t want to be Catholic, but your parents still drag you to Church every Sunday. You’ve taken this time to think about other religions that have appeals to you, including paganism and Greek, Roman, and Egyptian deities. You’ve tried worshipping them all, but when things get rough, your mind drifts back to Mary, the Saints, Jesus, God. You still keep that little gold pin in your car to keep you safe while driving and you still call to Saint Anthony when you lose something, and sometimes you still think you feel a response as Saint Anthony draws your eyes to the one spot you missed and shows you what you were looking for.

Even in the dark of night, when you let your guard down and cry, you cry out to Mary for help. You feel a comforting presence there, and then you feel a pit in your stomach again because you want out of this religion but you can’t seem to let go no matter how hard you try. So you let Mary wrap her arms around you as you confess everything to her and then wake up and try again to forget everything you’ve grown up with. Your life until now has been so entrenched in the Church and it's hard to separate the good from the bad. You still want to go back but you know you will never be accepted for who you are.

So you just stop trying to get out quickly and start trying to undo the years of trauma and guilt instead, that you know will never go away entirely.

#ex catholic #excatholic #catholic guilt #religious trauma #shay speaks #shay writes #religion //#sorry for all the ex catholic posts I discovered the tag recently and haven't been able to stop thinking #anyway. this is what I felt growing up through the lense of religion #*lens #although these have been very cathartic to write I will say

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keremidi-2ra-upotreba · 4 years

Note

11, 13, 14, 18, 29, 31, 46, 47, 51, 52, 58, 75, 81, 99, 100

11. Pfff there are so much. Like we joke that we are one big family that has their gender opposite (no offense to trans people. We were 5th grade when we thought of it). The family tree is weird. Also 2 of my friends joke that they are Osamu and Atsumu because a lot of people mix them up and many more.

13: hm... A lot of things made me smile. Hm... One of them is that one of my friends came over and we made cookies.

14. Hm. So. It would be bigger because I have 2 best friends. We would have our own rooms and a living room, kitchen, bathroom and a terrace. We would decorate it how we see fit if we have it. I can't really say a lot because I will respect their opinions u kno.

18. Damn. So. This is also and inside joke lol. It was in the 7th grade. How should I put this. Where I am from there is like a thing after school where you can do your homework. There is a teacher to help you. That teacher was one of the best people I ever met, I love her. But anyway... So it is time for me to go home and the teacher said to be careful and don't make noise because the 12th graders are doing mock exams. So yo boi goes out of the classroom and there is a gust of wind and the door just shuts with a bang. So my stupid head decides to stick itself though an opening in to door and just say "ups" (u read as in udon). Yeah... Everyone laughed and from that day forward when we did something wrong we just go "ups"

29: jdhsushw I can't choose my friends are all so cute. I need to think. Maybe one of my friends just goes "nyam nyam" wen we talk about food in our group chat. I just sbahka. And another friend looks like a kitten when you pet her on her head. Hsiauzoqjdjpsoa.

31 OMG SOCKS! I love socks. I do like wearing weird socks. And long ones. Like to the thigh. And one time I went with one black one gray thigh high and that outfit that I wore with them is one of my favorites. I do sleep with socks. It's not the same without them. I don't own white socks. And like if u can find some PLEASE, people, buy bamboo socks you won't regret it. The most comfortable socks ever

46. I'm bad at puns but I'll try. What do you call a fish with no eyes. A fsh.

47. I don't like a lot of food but like one of the things I HATE is tomatoes. I gag when I just smell them. They should just disappear. And also food tajt just smells bad. Istg my nose will be the death of me.

51. Idk why but I thought of my previous class when it said a person. My brain doesn't work but I don't care. I associate them with a Bulgarian song called "One inseparable class" (lol yeah I'm Bulgarian btw) and damn I love these people.

52. Probably the one where the year gets progressively worse. I love me some dark humor.

58. I'm the wine mom and one of my friends that doesn't want her name on Tumblr is the vodka aunt. Lol.

75. Omggg... So. I have a lot of them. Well technically only four of them are here with me two are with grandma. I have 2 parakeets, a canary and another bird that I have no idea what iat is called in English. I'm sorry I'm not a guru lol. And I have a dog and a cat that are with gran. The parakeets are called Lola and Archi and the other birds I can't really translate or say how they are pronounced. I'm sorry.

81. Hmmm.. Let me try. I'm not good with words. All the fanfiction I've written proves it. I have a friend that has some really fascinating eyes. When they are in the light they have this beautiful blue hue to them. It's like the blue of komomedai's jerseys. And when they are in shadow they look like the rind of a watermelon. The lighter part. And sometimes if the light is right they age 2 different colors.

99. Hm. Maybe

My mother's eyes

If we have each other

Just like you

All of those are Alec Benjamin. Omg I love him. Please check him out.

Also Haikyuu's first ending. The message it's carrying is beautiful.

Anohana's ending. Not only is it fucking sad. I've shed a lot of tears because of this song it's also because it is about friendship and I really cherish things like this.

100. Future. Why? Because I don't want to change the past. I think I'm at a pretty good place and that is because of my past. I want to also see how I'm doing in the future. Am I a psychologist? Is everyone I love ok? What changed in five years? Do I have a boyfriend? Has my brother graduated secessfuly. I would love to know. So Future definitely.

That was long. But fun to write. If u read to the end *applause*, I'm proud. I will answer other questions so keep 'em coming.

#i talk sometimes #i talk

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heliogemini · 4 years

Note

hiya ! it’s ur love letter anon again!! I thought I’d stop by and let you know how cute your about is. I also loved animorphs as a kid and have considered re-reading it! I hope today treats you kindly, you should talk abt ur fave parts of animorphs !!❤️💌

omg u don't understand how excited this ask made me. first of all tysm! i spent so long on my about, trying to get the perfect pictures nd everything, so i'm glad u like it!!!

second of all: animorphs!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg this is my ultimate topic. nothing makes me ramble more than animorphs i love it!!! this is gonna be super long omg. this was my childhood series & genuinely shaped so much of my personality and i would be a totally different person if i hadn't read them. i would get the books from my local library, so i only got to read the books they had. i got all the books for christmas this year when my mom & i went to a cheap secondhand bookstore, and i'm rereading them now!! i never got to read the end bc my library didm't have a lot of the later books (even if i spoiled it for myself & know what happens) so i'm reading some of these books for the first time. i rlly like rereading it even if some of the kids' characterizations (esp tobias) were messed up by the ghostwriters in the later books

ok um. favorite parts

tobias.

he's my fav character just bc so much bs happens to him & he always pulls through. he's super resilient. i love his dry sense of humor. king of questioning authority. king of calling ppl out on their bullshit. king of canonically being described as dreamy. king of being a badass fighter when his battle morph is literally just a bird. king overall.

definitely read him as being trans & that made ME realize i'm trans. (that's why i go by toby 😳 yes i named myself after a book character for fifth graders. thank you.)

marco made me realize i'm bi (again, king) & now i realize that we both use humor as a coping mechanism :-/

also marco just knows who he is & what he is capable of and thay's rlly admirable to me even if he makes bad or ruthless desicsions.

those are my two favs characters but i love all of them. they all habe such distinct & well developed personalities and i love them so much

my fav book is #23 which is the one where tobias is told that a relative wants to take him in and he's shocked that someone wants him & goes to an interview where they drop bombshell after bombshell on him & all the other animorphs are so awkward about it & there's a lot of hork bajir moments (love them) and the big plot twist at the end literally broke my heart. tobias went through so much development in this book & i rlly loved how it showed his intelligence, his resilience, his desperation, and his dedication. the last few chapters wrecked me.

ok ANYWAY tysm for this!!!! i tried to be brief but it still was super long bc. yknow. animorphs. always happy to have a chance to gush about them. also if you want to reread it, i'm enjoying my reread, so i would totally recommend it! i'll link a website in the notes where u can download the books for free w the author's blessing. no pressure tho!! :+)

thank you love letter anon! have a great day!💓💕💞

#also i tried to answer ur last anon but tumblr ate it :+(#i want to make sure u know i got it & that i appreciated it even if it ended up disappearing b4 i could post it #asks #love letter anon

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chaotic-creatures · 5 years

Text

All That We Are (Chapter One)

Written by: @gizmo-the-gay

Fandom: IT (2017)

Pairing(s): slowburn!Stanley Uris x OC,

Slight!Richie Tozier x OC, Patrick Hockstetter x OC

Word Count: 1,716

Warnings: swearing, Patrick being himself

Tag List:

•••••

Julia Martinez was many things. She was smart, she was pretty and she was a good friend. So, when Patrick Hockstetter said he would stop terrorizing her best friend, Richie Tozier, if she went out with him, Julia agreed. She agreed because she didn’t want Richie to get the same treatment he got all the time at home.

Richie had mostly everyone convinced that he had a normal home life. But Julia was observant and too smart for her own good. Plus she literally can hear his mom screaming at him from her house which was right next to his. There was no way Richie could hide the abuse from his friend, he knew that, but he could build up walls and pretend it never happened. No matter how much that frustrated Julia, she didn’t push him. He would come to her on his own when things got bad.

Julia was an eighth grader, she was considered an outcast and got picked on frequently by Greta Keene and her goons. For some reason though, the Bowers gang never touched her. It was weird considering she hung out with Richie and they bullied him and his other friends constantly. Even if it was just Richie and Julia walking home from the arcade where they spent most of their time, Henry and his friends would pick on Richie profusely but refuse to even glance her way.

That was how she got into the position she was in now. Julia and Richie decided to meet up before they headed home. As they walked they were oblivious to the blue Trans Am following them. Richie talked non stop about the newest game the Arcade put in a while ago. Julia smiled at her friend nodding along to what he was saying. She hadn’t seen Richie for a few days considering she was getting over being sick. But just because she was gone for a few days didn’t mean she neglected her friend when he needed her. As Richie talked highly about this new game, Julia’s eyes scanned over his being. She didn’t miss the small scratch on his cheek near his eye or the busted lip he was sporting.

Her eyes moved around their surroundings and that’s when she noticed the Trans Am parked across the street. Before she could even warn Richie, he was grabbed roughly by the shoulder and pulled back. Julia’s eyes widen when she hears a small popping sound and Richie cry in pain. She turns and sees Patrick Hockstetter smirking down at her best friend. Richie was holding his shoulder in pain and struggled to get up as Belch held him down with his foot on his chest. In panic, Julia launched herself at Belch and punched him as hard as she could. Her fist hit his cheek and his head turned to the side on impact. She ignored the pain in her hand as she watches Belch stumble away from Richie. It was almost like everything was going in slow motion. Victor went to check on Belch and Patrick looked from Richie to Julia was a crazed smile on his face.

“Wow. I did not expect that at all. The princess really does have a fire in her.” Patrick says amused. He didn’t even check on his friend as he reached down and pulled Richie up by the collar of his stupid Hawaiian shirt. Julia swallowed thickly as her eyes dart from Belch who spit out some blood and rubbed his cheek to Richie who’s glasses fell off and were now on the grass where he fell. Her eyes land on Patrick as he grips Richie’s shirt.

“Let him go Hockstetter!” Julia yells out getting ready to fight if she had to. This only peaks Patrick’s interest in the girl even more.

“Who? This fag? What’s he to you princess?” He asks looking from Richie to Julia. He tried to read Julia like a book like he did with everyone else but she held her composure and didn’t back down.

“He’s the only friend I got right now! Now let him go.” She growls in desperation and frustration. Hearing the word ‘friend’ made Patrick lick his lips and smirk at the girl. Now was the time to give her a choice. He took out a knife and clicked it open. The blade comes out fast and it shines in the light of the sun that was now setting. Julia’s breath hitches in her throat as she eyes the blade. Richie struggled and tried to get away but the grip on his shirt only got tighter. Now he kind of wished it was Henry Bowers and not Patrick. At least Bowers would leave a few marks. Patrick on the other hand would probably kill him instead. Or leave him to bleed to death.

“I’m gonna make you a deal princess...” Patrick says as he holds the knife up to Richie’s neck, “either you be my girlfriend. Or. Your little friend gets to be the main target of ours for the rest of his life here in Derry.” Patrick says watching as Julia gasps. Sure it was hard to read her face but her eyes gave her away quickly. She was scared. And Patrick was loving the new look. “Come in princess. What’s it gonna be? We don’t got all night.” Patrick says as he puts pressure of the knife on Richie’s neck. Richie looked at her with pleading eyes. He knew what she was going to choose and he just hoped she would be smarter than that.

Julia’s mind goes haywire. Every thought she had running through her mind so fast she was getting a head ache. Her face suddenly hardens and she looks at Richie with apologetic eyes. She looked at Patrick with her icy blue eyes and spoke with confidence.

“I will be your girlfriend on one condition.” Julia says looking at him dead in the eyes. Patrick nodded for her to go on, “never bully him again. That goes for all of the Bowers gang. And I swear to god Hockstetter, if I hear about any of you guys bullying him behind my back, I will fucking end you.” She growls the last few words. Patrick lets go of Richie and holds out the hand not gripping the knife.

“Deal?” He questions waiting for her to take his hand. Julia steps forward and takes his hand. He smirks widely and grips her hand and then tugs her close to his body. Julia gasps in surprise and misses the smirks on both Victor and Belch’s faces. Patrick takes in her scent of lavender. He presses his face into her hair and takes a deep inhale while looking at Richie who was now standing with his glasses on. Julia didn’t bother to struggle so she let Patrick creepily sniff her and grip her waist roughly. After a bit he pulls away and looks down at his new girlfriend.

“I’ll let you walk home with the fag tonight. But don’t expect it ever again.” Patrick says before slapping her butt and walking back to the Trans Am with his friends.

The walk back to their houses was deathly silent. Julia didn’t know what to say but she knew Richie was pissed, it was practically dripping off of his aura.

“I can’t believe you...” Richie says as they approach their homes, “I can’t believe you agreed to be that psycho’s girlfriend!” He yells out in frustration. “Why the hell would you do that?!” He asks his voice raising every word he spoke.

“It was either that or you get bullied the rest of your life! You don’t know if the bullying would have gotten worse or not! I couldn’t just stand there and let you get hurt Richie!” Julia exclaims, tears welling up in her eyes, “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if your bullying worsened and I was the cause of it! You get shit at home already! You don’t need Bowers and his stupid friends making everything worse!” She cries.

“You might want to watch what you say about them now! Considering you are dating one of Bowers’ friends!” Richie yells. “Did you not see the looks that Patrick and the other two were giving when you accepted? They planned this Julia! Now you are just a pawn in their stupid game!” He screams. He didn’t care who heard now. He was beyond pissed at her for not thinking and for him for being a wimp. He was so angry that he wasn’t thinking straight, “god! You’re so fucking stupid!” He yells. That did it for Julia, the tears started to stream down her face and she started to sniffle and whimper.

“Go to hell Richie Tozier.” She says through small cries and turns her back walking into her house and slamming the door. The one person that always told her how intelligent she was and boosted her self esteem, had also been the person to shatter it. Julia ignored her mother and father. She stormed to her room and plopped down on her bed. She buries her face in her pillow and lets out a scream of frustration, anger and sadness. After she calms a bit she lays still and looks around her room. Everything she had reminded her of Richie and Richie reminded her of what he said. She grabbed the picture frame that held a Polaroid of Richie and Julia with their arms around each other. Looking at it she growls and throws it into an empty box that was near her bed.

After getting rid of everything that screamed her friendship with Richie, she went to take a shower to calm down. She gets out after a while and slips on some pajamas before making her way back to her room. She was exhausted from everything that went on that afternoon. As she laid in bed she thought of what was going to happen tomorrow.

She wasn’t looking forward to the next day. The day she will be officially Patrick Hockstetter’s girlfriend. It was a big step for her, she wasn’t planning on having a boyfriend anytime soon and she definitely wasn’t planning on not being friends with Richie anymore. But what can she do?

Life goes on.

A/n: first story on my new and improved blog! Uh the title of the story is of my most recent favorite song “All That We Are” by Blue October. Let me know if you would like to be on the tag list! I will make sure I add you when I upload the other chapters! Either send me a message, comment on here or send an ask!

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nookr · 4 years

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had such a good experience with a couple sixth-graders tbh (they're all around 11-12 years old boys)

heads up this got kinda long and i'm on mobile so...

i'm wearing this trans wrist band by 100% mensch (a german lgbt organisation) and today one of the kids asked me what that meant

i, at first was unsure if i should explain so i just said it's an organisation but they kept asking further so i decided, hey if they're gonna learn about trans-issues they better learn that through me than through false information by a transphobe or anything

so i explained it all (they thought trans people are only people who transitioned from male to female) and i followed it up by telling them that i'm trans too

and they were super interested and nice about it!! kept asking question, made sure to ask if i was comfortable with answering them and were in general so much more mature about the topic than some adults i talked to about it

they felt so sad for me when i told them that i'd been depressed for a couple years bc i couldn't live as a boy and one was so shocked to hear that i don't go swimming at all bc of dysphoria or that i can't stand the tone of my own voice

one of them also said that my face already looked very masculine and he'd never guessed that i wasn't cis (not his words but sorta like that, you know) and they were just really nice and interested about it

at the end they even thanked me for talking to them about this topic and i was so glad i did

just goes to show you that hatred is something you get taught and that no one is intolerant by default

#transgender #ftm #trans positivity #nookr the teacher #personal #this was such a nice experience honestly #they were also so surprised to hear that i hadn't had any surgery or hormones or anything #they said they are gonna be so excited for me when i get my hormones and go through the right puberty

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theinsideoutmermaid · 5 years

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Chapter 1: Tony

Marvel high school AU

Words: 2337

***

“Tony. Tony. Tony. Toneeeeeeeee—”

Tony Stark laboriously lifted himself from his exquisitely nonchalant backpack-supported bus seat slouch. Sighing, he clicked off his phone.

“What is it, Parker?”

Several rows in front of him, in the uncool front half of the bus where underclassmen are obligated to sit, Peter Parker was dangling over the back of his seat. He isn’t a bad kid, really, thought Tony, he’s even pretty smart. He’s just impossibly annoying. Peter looked positively beside himself at having gotten Tony’s attention.

“You had Ross for math, right?” said Peter, just slightly over the volume required for trans-bus communication.

“No need to yell, Petey, jeez. And yes.” They’d been over this several times, actually.

“Ev’rybody siddown,” drawled the bus driver, glancing at Peter in the mirror.

“Oh! Sorry!” Peter dropped back into his seat and instead leaned around the side, into the aisle, apparently comfortable with lying full-out across his best friend Ned. “So anyway, do you remember the logs and exponentials test? Ours is in two days and I wanted to know is it hard? I mean I’ve done well on the quizzes and I think I understood the homework but y’know transformations? I feel like I haven’t really gotten the hang of those and so anyway I wanted to ask was it hard?”

Tony spared a brief glance across the aisle at his friend Bruce, who offered the appropriate amused-but-exasperated eye roll. “I took it two years ago, bud, so I don’t even remember anymore. There was probably like one transformation. You’ll be fine, Ross is an easy grader,” Tony said, and returned to his phone.

“Oh. . . Thanks!” Peter clambered back into his seat, earning a few yelps from Ned. Tony flashed a peace sign above his head in response.

Bruce swung his legs into the aisle, leaning across to talk to Tony. “You know the kid idolizes you, right?”

“Pssh,” said Tony, not looking up from his phone. In fact, he did know, and if he was honest with himself, he even felt a little flattered at times. Mostly, though, he wished his devotee would be someone a little more chill and with a slightly lower-pitched voice. If you go onto thesaurus.com, Peter Parker is listed under antonyms of chill. Tony didn’t know whether he wanted to help the kid or shut him inside a locker, so mostly he just ignored him.

Bruce seemed to be able to read some of this in his face. When Tony looked up again, Bruce was watching him with a half-smirk. Tony flipped him the bird. It turned into a full smirk, and Bruce went back to annotating Crime and Punishment.

The bus turned a sharp corner. “I think we’re here,” yelled Peter.

“Thank you for the enlightening announcement, Parker,” said a pair of Air Jordans extending from the seat behind him. This was Shuri, who, despite being a sophomore, was indisputably the most popular person in the whole school. Also probably the smartest. She exuded an effortless cool even Tony could appreciate.

“Okay, kids, make sure you have all your things and then follow me. Will someone grab the football?” asked Dr. Selvig, AP Physics teacher and coach of the Lee High School Quiz Bowl team.

“I got it, Doc,” said Ned. As the team filed out, he grabbed the black plastic briefcase which was neither a football nor a container of nuclear codes but rather held the buzzers and timers used in the game.

Inside DCHS, the LHS kids exchanged curious glances with the strange students of their rival high school. This bit, the in between bus ride and match bit, always felt odd to Tony. Other schools were like a dimension he wasn’t shaped to inhabit. He hastily broke eye contact with the DCHS girl who had just met his stare and pretended to do something on his phone. A teacher stationed in the front lobby had told them that their home base would be room L402 and then gave directions which Tony had completely ignored. He instead followed the sound of Ned and Peter excitedly discussing Peter’s new Endor Base LEGO set (“It includes a walker and the base has sliding doors!” “Noooo waaaayy!”)

“Are four levels really necessary?” complained Bruce, stomping up the final flight of stairs before they reached L402. “We do just fine with two.”

“Yeah, well, we have 1600 kids and they have, what, 4000? And the lot’s pretty small so expanding up is the only way to go, I guess,” Tony replied.

In L402, the students dumped their backpacks in a corner. Ned and Peter set to work dragging the desks into two lines of five, then Jane and Helen set up the buzzers and the lockbox. Darcy eagerly tested each buzzer, letting off beep after beep while Shuri reset the box. Doc Selvig rummaged in his bag, tossing several pads of yellow lined paper onto a nearby desk and pulling out a stack of name cards. As he read off the names, each team member retrieved their cards.

“Bruce — Darcy — Shuri — Ned — Tony — Stephen - sorry, I mean Strange — Peter — Viz — Jane — Helen,” recited Doc Selvig.

“Can you get that— thanks, Bruce,” called Helen, who was stuck behind the desks untangling some buzzer wires.

“Alrighty then, kids, it’s the first match of the season, and we want to start off strong! We were so close to state last year—” A dreamy look crept over Selvig’s eyes, as if he were reminiscing, and the team waited patiently until he began to talk again. “-- And I think we have a real shot at making it this time. We’ve got a great team, very strong. I think we can beat DCHS, but they’ve historically been a bit tough, so I need to play our strongest members to begin with. If we’ve got a comfortable lead towards the end, I’ll sub the rest of you in. Remember, I want all of you to get playing time, but we also have to think practically. For our starters today. . . Tony, you be captain. Strange, I want you on his right and Jane on the left. Shuri and Helen get the last two spots.” Tony felt a gleam of pride. Captain. Captain Stark. It had a nice ring to it. He slid into the center seat and carefully arranged his name card and buzzer towards the front.

“Some final reminders,” continued Doc Selvig, “be quick and don’t be afraid to jump in on a toss-up, but also be sure to gauge the other team’s response time. The questions are pyramidal, so they get more specific as time goes on. Do not blurt out answers to the bonuses. Tony will report for the team unless he defers. And finally. Do not break the Cardinal Rule!” At this, everyone turned to look at Ned, who shrank two inches to hide behind his precalculus textbook.

The DCHS team arrived and filled their assigned seats; their coach sat at the head desk next to Dr. Selvig. He flipped open the question packet and slid his glasses to the end of his nose, turning to look at the assembled teams.

“Since LHS are the guests here, why don’t they go first at introductions? Please ring in and say your name,” said the DCHS coach.

Introductions were a time-honored tradition of Quiz Bowl. Tony actually had a running list of interesting ways to do introductions, some of which required rehearsal on the bus beforehand. It’s an intimidation technique, he had once explained to his friend Rhodey, who was not on the team and could not grasp why Tony had whipped out his phone during lunch to make a note of “reverse alphabetical order of middle name.” The more complicated your intro, the smarter the other team thinks you are.

Tony pressed his buzzer, watching the little bulb light up green. “My name is Tony, and I am captain—”

“Co-captain,” muttered Strange next to him. Tony paused and made a face like he was trying to inhale a grapefruit through his nostril.

“-- co-captain of the LHS Quiz Bowl team.” Technically it was true; they had voted during practice a few weeks ago and he had tied with Strange. Why there was any dispute Tony couldn’t imagine, because he was cool and smart and interesting, whereas Strange was a smart but also arrogant, condescending, stuck-up little—

He wrenched his thoughts back to the present with an effort.

“My teammates will introduce themselves in order of ascending longitude,” he concluded. Because of the orientation of the school, this was really just a fancy way of saying left-to-right, but it certainly sounded smart. Tony had checked Google Maps and worked it out with the other starters before DCHS arrived.

The other team went for the overused “buzzer speed” introduction. Amateurs, thought Tony. He sized up their captain, a reedy white dude named Josh who looked uncreative enough to have resorted to buzzer speed.

“Before we start, can we get a sc— oh, you’re already there,” said Doc Selvig, noting Viz, the ever-diligent scorekeeper, stationed by the whiteboard. He had made a perfectly perpendicular t-chart with DCHS and LHS printed on either side in his font-like handwriting.

The DCHS coach settled his glasses higher on his nose and squinted at the question packet. “Welcome to the first match of this year’s varsity Quiz Bowl tournament. Good luck to you all. Okay. . . toss-up number one. You will have ten seconds to ring in after I finish the question.” Tony positioned his finger carefully over the buzzer button, seeing his teammates do the same in his peripheral vision. “Science. The Shannon index describes this quantity entropically, incorporating evenness and abundance. The alpha type of this quantity is measured at one—”

BZZZ. The coach looked up. “Um. . . Helen.”

You got this, Helen, thought Tony. Bio was her thing.

“Biodiversity,” she answered calmly.

“That is. . .” the coach said, scanning to the bottom of the question, “correct. Ten points to LHS.”

Tony breathed out a small sigh of relief, feeling a surge of pleasure as Viz scribed a tally on the LHS side of the scoreboard. He shot a wink at Helen, mouthing “nice one.” She grinned back.

“Bonus number one to LHS,” continued the coach. “Math.” Tony sat up a little straighter. “Let p be a prime number greater than three. For ten points each. . . One: because it is not divisible by two, p must have this property.”

“Oddness,” said Tony immediately, not even bothering to confer with his teammates.

“Correct. Two: what two remainders are possible when dividing p by 6?”

Tony thought for a second. “One and five.”

“Correct again. Finally, what theorem states that three to the p, divided by p, must have a remainder of three?”

“Fermat’s little theorem,” blurted Tony.

The DCHS coach gave him a grudging nod, saying, “And that’s a sweep for LHS. Toss-up number two. . .”

Strange kicked Tony’s calf under the desks. “You’re supposed to confer with us for the bonuses,” he hissed.

Tony gave him a winning smile. “Well, I didn’t need to. I knew all the answers.”

“But what if you didn’t?”

“Shhhhh. . . the question is starting,” Tony said, his smile brightening as Strange’s glower darkened.

LHS had worked up a comfortable lead by halftime, thanks to the abundance of science- and math-related questions. Jane and Helen were able to bolster them a bit on history and literature, because they actually paid attention in those classes, but everyone in the lineup was a STEM kid first and foremost.

Doc Selvig checked the questions packet, then checked the scoreboard. “A hundred twenty. . . Okay, guys, I think I can make some substitutions here. Ned, you go in for Helen, and Peter, you go in for Strange.”

Several things happened at once: Strange coughed indignantly, Peter seemed to float a few inches off the ground, and Tony spontaneously developed a throbbing headache.

“Doctor, don’t you think that as co-captain I should—” began Strange in the smarmy voice Tony hated.

“--cheer on the team and be supportive and cooperative,” finished Selvig, giving Strange a look. “I think Peter will be very useful in this half.” Peter’s grin looked like it might rip his face in half. Tony’s headache throbbed harder. He slid into his seat once again, trying to ignore the stream-of-consciousness chatter coming from the sophomore next to him.

“I can’t believe Doc put me in here, I mean I’m nowhere near as good as Strange, but maybe he thinks I am? Wow, could you imagine, I mean this is so cool I’m like your right-hand man, well I guess if you want, I mean—”

“I’ll make sure to defer to you if there’s a question about Endor Base, how ‘bout that,” said Tony, rubbing his temples.

“Really?! That’s sweet, I mean that’s sick, I’ll do my best. Co-captain’s seat. . .” Peter turned and flashed a thumbs-up to Ned, who was looking incredibly nervous.

It got close around question 17, but LHS pulled ahead in the end. It turned out that Ned actually liked to read a lot and was somehow a geek for both Star Wars and Shakespeare. Peter knew way more pop culture than Tony cared to learn, and, surprisingly, a ton of chemistry.

“What science class are you taking this year?” Tony asked Peter when the match was over. Peter hastily gulped down the mouthful of fruit snacks he had been chewing on.

“AP Chem. They let me test into it,” he replied, a hesitant sort of pride manifesting on his face.

“Really?” Tony tried to keep himself from looking impressed. After a few moments of warring impulses, he softened. “That’s pretty cool, Parker.” The kid turned the color of a tomato, stuttered a sort of thanks, and dashed off to relay the whole interaction to Ned.

Bruce drew up beside Tony, smirking again. “He’ll pop the question any day now.”

“Shut up,” Tony said, punching Bruce in the shoulder. But he smiled when he was sure no one was watching.

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #tony stark #iron man #bruce banner #the hulk #peter parker #spiderman #high school au

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thenewwei · 3 years

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40 years ago I was born this evening at Flushing Hospital in New York City.

40 years later, not only am I glad to be alive, but I genuinely feel I’ve lived such a full and amazing life and am happy enough that even if I died today, I wouldn’t feel bad about it or regret much.

I didn’t always feel this way, but I do today.

I can’t remember my 10th birthday very well at all. But I do remember being a relatively happy 5th grader, having transitioned to my Flushing elementary school from Corona two years before. I can’t remember if bullies were still bothering me then, certainly there were jerks and turncoats here and there, but I had good friends, we went on some good overnight field trips in Long Island. Oregon Trail and Cops and Robbers were fun (end of 6th grade was especially awesome, if you count in Connect Four sessions) and it was still a couple of years until the horrors of JHS.

I can’t remember my 20th birthday either, but I definitely remember the circumstances. I was working in my uncle’s motel in NC cleaning dirty carpets. This was between my sophomore and junior years at Wesleyan, but I was slated to go abroad for a year at Oxford in late September.

It had been an eventful summer, at least for my young life. I had decided to turn down an internship at Wesleyan University Press for a month’s job at the circulation desk of Olin Library because I had already committed to it; probably a bad decision, but one that likely didn’t affect me much in the long term. During this time I continued to develop my relationship with a sweet and beautiful girl I had met that spring at school, my first girlfriend, who lived nearby in CT.

After that month, I came back home, took a job teaching kids at an “elite” tutor academy in Elmhurst, Queens, and was promptly fired a week later because I “couldn’t control the kids”—first and only time I’ve ever been fired from a job, and probably the first and only time I couldn’t control the kids—ha ha.

Anyway, my uncle offered me a job doing odd jobs at his motel, so I took the Amtrak down South and began working for him. Even though the work itself wasn’t too inspiring, I did meet plenty of interesting people this way, and experienced a completely different atmosphere from the North, and continued to write (I had already written a novella, novel and short story collection at this point—all bad, of course—and had won a couple of awards for high school and college kids).

My flight back—I decided to fly—was on the morning of 9/11/01. My uncle dropped me off at the airport. At the ticket counter, the woman processing my ticket told me a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center (assumably, accidentally). I laughed it off. I thought she was kidding.

When I went inside the gate, I saw the news on the TV, and realized she wasn’t kidding. I can’t remember if I saw the second plane hit live or not, but it became quickly clear this wasn’t an accident, and that I wasn’t going to make it home to NYC.

Somehow I got in touch with my uncle and he drove me back to the motel. I still remember sitting in my motel room, watching people jump out of the towers while my girlfriend, on the phone with me, told me not to watch. I took the train back a week later.

I didn’t sign up for the military, and I didn’t get drafted, since the govt decided not to institute Selective Service. As usual, I decided to follow through on the commitment I had made, for better or worse. I visited Wesleyan briefly and saw my girlfriend and friends for the last time before I went abroad on a flight where even the flight attendant was openly racist towards me.

My year at Oxford was one of the best years of my life. I had tutorials where I could read and learn what I wanted, I wrote over 50 stories and essays, I backpacked Europe extensively, including alone, and had a “trans-chunnel relationship” with my girlfriend, who was studying abroad in Paris during the latter half of the year.

I experienced some racism in Europe, most of which I’ve never written about or even talked about publicly, but compared to my experiences in gang and crime-filled NYC as a teen, it was like nothing, and on the whole, it was a good experience, even though as a person, I remember being neurotic, paranoid, depressed much of the time, and of course insecure. But I had formed great friendships, I had an on-and-off again—but mostly on—gf, and I was physically in the best shape of my life (until, possibly, now).

I do remember my 30th birthday. I was depressed and didn’t do anything special but I did have a lonely meal at a Japanese restaurant and remember complaining to an acquaintance online about my depression.

I honestly felt like a complete failure. Both my long-term romantic relationships with two great girls (sweet, beautiful, brilliant, in love with me and much else) had failed. I blamed myself and frankly, I wasn’t worthy of either of them. While I had earned two masters degrees and had a decent job (maybe not for an Indian-American or whatever, but still, not terrible), I hadn’t gotten anything but rejections for my writing. I hadn’t been published anywhere since college, I hadn’t won any awards, I had no agent, publisher, college teaching gig, or anything else, even as many of my Wesleyan classmates (Lin-Manuel Miranda, Jason Pinter, Paul Yoon, to name just a few) had already achieved publication, fame and much else. Since I pretty much judged myself solely on this standard, at least professionally, of course, I felt like a complete failure.

On the social front, I still had strong friendships, and was developing more. I still had a solid family core. I was traveling and making more friends. I was single, and I still lived at home.

Fast forward to today, and I feel completely different. I’ve published four books, albeit independently, but I’m proud of them, and I feel like each book is better than the last. I’ve gotten great reviews, they’ve hit the Amazon bestseller lists, I’ve done solid interviews, been on TV, I’m active on social media.

I’m still single after more than a decade, and I still live with my family, and I still don’t have an agent (ha ha) but so what? I still have great friends, in fact, I have more than ever. I’ve strengthened many of the friendships I had then, even at distances, and made many new ones. I’ve traveled much of the world. I have friends and acquaintances of every race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, national origin, citizenship and residency.

I live in the greatest city on Earth, where I can eat any type of ethnic cuisine at any time of the day, endlessly explore any type of culture and where I have access to pretty much anything and everything of God’s plenty including art, literature, film, scientific knowledge, and much else. I’m content with my decision not to move to Cali, at least for now. So far I’ve survived the pandemic. I’m in great shape, and I’m better than ever at basketball. I’m happy. What can I really complain about?

That said, I’m hardly done. I haven’t reached anywhere near the literary fame and stature that I’ve wanted for decades. Given the odds, I may never, but I have to keep on trying. I’ve recently won awards and grants, something that never happened to me a decade ago. My next book, Bad Americans, is progressing well.

Having been a pessimist for much of my life, I feel positive and optimistic. I think the next decade is looking up for me, or at least I hope it is. I plan to write and publish many more books, and progress my literary movement The New Wei. There are plenty of other projects in the pipeline too, of various disciplines. I’m planning another road trip across the US and other adventures. Even my dating life is better than it’s been in years. Who knows, maybe marriage and the baby in the baby carriage is on the horizon (yeah right, you wish mom, but hey, anything is possible, right?).

My 40th birthday summer has been amazing. I visited a couple of good friends near Philly. I took my recently retired parents on a fun trip to the South, where we hung out with some of our large and beloved extended family. My parents are happy. My sister, who I rarely ever talk about publicly, is happy. My good friend Bob got married and I was his proud Best Man. We had two karaoke bashes with some Bayside buds. I’m planning on having dinner with some of my closest friends tonight, weather depending. Other close friends I’ll see later. I’m taking a trip to Providence RI over Labor Day Weekend with even more. I’m planning a subway musical reading. Some of my cousins gave me ridiculously thoughtful gifts. I could go on and on.

Life at 40 is amazing. I think it will keep getting more amazing. And even if it doesn’t, so be it. It’s life. There will always be hurdles, and it has to end at some point, right?

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theaurorfileshq · 4 years

Photo

T A V I H A R G R A V E / A U R O R R E C R U I T

AGE: Twenty-Eight

BADGE NUMBER: S92B10

BLOODSTATUS: No-Maj

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Trans Man, He/Him

IDENTIFYING FEATURES: tattoos on hands, arms, and chest; headphones; worn-out Vans.

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

(+): No-Maj Computer Science and Culture, High Intelligence, Perceptive

(-): Cannot Perform Magic, Inferiority Complex, Lack of Knowledge about the Wixen World

BACKGROUND:

He grows up in his sister’s shadow.

Tania is four years older than him and precocious, smart and social from a young age, a member of Mensa at eight and then, suddenly, somehow, a witch at eleven, whisked off to a magical boarding school where she excels even more than she had as a no-maj 5th grader in their Chicago public school. She thrives at Ilvermorny, comes home for breaks to tell him all about the things she’s learning, the magic, the amazing differences between their world—his world—and her new one, about quodpot and potions and dragons and apparation. He listens, eagerly, when, late at night in their shared bedroom she says, I’ll bet you’re magic, too, just wait, you’ll be there with me in a year or two.

He isn’t. He doesn’t. He’s not magic, it turns out. Just like their parents. And she frowns, and she asks her friends, and she says sometimes it happens that way, no one knows how it works. And she loves him anyway. And their parents love him anyway. And life goes on.

Tania finishes her time at Ilvermorny with glowing praise and a thousand career options in front of her; she deliberates for some time before deciding to attend law school and go into a career with MACUSA, a prosecutor working closely with the Auror department. Tavi trudges through the Chicago public school system doing as much as he can, ends up with a scholarship to Stanford for Computer Engineering for a degree that only takes him two and a half years, and then pursues a PhD at MIT in Computer Programming—software design and computer informatics. He gets picked up, pretty quickly, after graduating at 24, by a Silicon Valley start-up, and heads back out west again.

His parents are proud of him. As proud of him as they are of their magically gifted daughter, similarly fast-tracked through her program and into a promising and impressive career. But when they both come home for the holidays, it feels different: his sister telling him amazing stories about a world he’ll never be a part of, their parents delighted to hear about all the strange and magical things she now considers commonplace. Floo travel, truth serums, photographs that move and talk. Computer science is its own kind of magic, with the internet going the way its going, with personal computers moving into more and more homes every year, and him knowing their guts inside out, knowing how to make them to whatever they want. But it doesn’t feel like the same thing.

And then one day, his sister calls. It’s four in the morning, in California, just past eight on the East Coast where she lives, and he answers it bleary-eyed and half asleep. I need your help, with a case, Tania says, and it doesn’t occur to him to say no. Maybe, if he’d been more awake he would have asked why, or how he was even going to be able to help her with something that involved magic, but instead he shoves some clothes and his toothbrush into a duffel bag, kisses his half-asleep girlfriend goodbye, and follows her instructions to meet up with an Auror who can apparate him to MACUSA’s headquarters to help her out.

What Tania needs isn’t a software programmer, it’s a hacker, but she doesn’t know that. One of their suspects is no-maj born, caught up enough to current no-maj technology to have securely stored the information they need on his laptop, and she needs to be able to access it, evidence in her case against him. A murderer, or something. The details are fuzzy, he’s still half asleep. He’s not a hacker, but he manages, cracks through the computer’s security system and gets her the files she needs, even explains to her and the Auror she’s working with how to save and view the files for themselves, somehow almost as painful as walking his own parents through learning how email works on the home computer he’d bought them for Christmas. And he goes home, back to his job, back to his girlfriend, back to a life without magic.

Tania keeps calling. The wixen world is maybe more intertwined with the no-maj one than he previously thought, because cases keep coming up where the wix his sister works with don’t know how to operate a cell phone, or a web browser, or a PDA and need help, where magic and technology are intertwined in such a way that they need someone who understands the software to help them untangle the clues. MACUSA pays him as a consultant, when he helps out, and it’s good money—the exchange rate between their weird coins and actual US dollars is honestly astounding, so it ends up paying better than his full time tech job does—and it’s fun, to work with his sister again, to start to heal the distance their two worlds have created between them.

And then, one day, he receives a message from a woman named Moira Henshawe, a name he’s heard referenced once or twice. She’s concerned, she says, by the spike in no-maj technology-related cases, especially ones that seem to be targeting half-bloods and other people caught between the two worlds. She wants to formalize his consultant position, bring him in full time to have on hand when the cases come up.

She wants to pay him something like three times what he’s already making.

He puts in his two weeks’ notice. He and his girlfriend move back to Chicago. He tells her he’s got a job for a company with a top-secret cyber-security contract for the government. It’s the closest to the truth he can get, for her, without breaking the laws he knows so well, all the NDAs he’s signed doing his consulting work. She doesn’t mind—she’s an artist, she can live anywhere, and the new place they can rent with his new salary is hard to argue with. His parents are glad to have him closer to home, too, and excited to see their two beloved genius children working side by side again.

And so he starts his first day as an Auror, only half knowing what it means.

#tavi hargrave #written by chritine #aurorx

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assigned-knives-at-birth · 6 years

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5 OTPs and 10 Facts About Me

Thanks so much @gaysparkler for tagging me!

I’m just trying to get some things done right now so I’m not going to tag anyone, but feel free to do this if you want!

This got a bit long, so I’m going to put a read more here :)

5 OTPs

Dorian x Inquisitor- Dorian is one of my favorite characters in DA, and his romance is one of my favorite ships, too. It’s just so sweet, and his character and dialogue are just so powerful and heart-wrenching.

Alistair x Warden- Alistair was the first person I romanced in Dragon Age. My love for Dragon Age grew from that first play through, and even now, Alistair’s romance and character are just so important to me. I know he and his relationship have flaws—just like any character and romance—but it will always have a special place in my heart.

Arizona Robbins x Callie Torrez- Okay, after the plane crash, their relationship kind of sucked. I know they had their problems, but they were a canon gay couple. On a tv show that even my mom watches. It’s so big. I love both of the characters so much (maybe a certain orthopedic surgeon a little bit more than almost every other character), even if they just weren’t meant to be in the end. At least all of it ended on a civil note, though, after everything.

Amanita Caplan x Nomi Marks- They are great in so many ways. So many ways. They are in a wonderful, healthy relationship, and they care about each other so much. Nomi is a trans woman and Amanita is a black woman, both of which do not get enough representation in the media, especially with the two combined. Just… I love them so much.

Tristan x Yvaine- Stardust is one of my all-time favorite movies. The ending, man. Ugh. I love them.

Honourable mentions- Isabela x Hawke, Leliana x Warden, Liara x Shepard, Garrus x Shepard, Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers, Jack Harkness x Ianto Jones, Lexie Grey x Mark Sloan, Meredith Grey x Derek Shepard, Meredith Grey x Nathan Riggs (though I haven’t seen the latest season so maybe that’s a no), Meredith Grey x Derek Shepard x Callie Torrez (let me have this), Sam Winchester x Gabriel, Hernando Fuentes x Lito Rodriguez, Kaidan x Shepard, Zevran x Warden, Fenris x Hawke, Anders x Hawke, Iron Bull x Dorian, Josephine x Inquisitor, Cassandra x Inquisitor, Sera x Inquisitor, Michael x Jane (from Jane the Virgin)

10 Facts about me

1. I’m learning Spanish right now. I’m absolutely terrible at it and DuoLingo says I’m only 30% fluent, but I’m slowly learning it. I want to be completely fluent in Spanish and another language besides my native one—probably Portuguese, French, or Russian.

2. I plan on majoring in English with a concentration in Creative Writing. I’m not exactly sure what kind of career I’m going to pursue, but writing several books is in my life plan. So is traveling.

3. I have a half-brother (eleven years older than me), a sister (exactly fifteen months younger than me), a stepsister (six years older than me), and a stepbrother (I’ve only seen him like twice, he’s kind of estranged from my stepdad and idk anything about him other than his name is Kaidan and he was out of high school a few years ago). The half-brother is from my dad’s son from a previous relationship, and he lives in California. My sister and I have the same parents and have lived together our whole lives. My stepsister lived with us for like three years before she said graduated high school.

4. I played sports in elementary school. I (cheerleaded? cheered? cheerled?) for a year, I played basketball for two, and I played softball for six. I sucked at everything, except for cheerleading I guess. We won third place in this weird competition, and I want to say there was some scandal and bribing going on because I vaguely remember my coach telling my team that someone cheated or something and we should have had first or second. I just…stopped going to cheerleading practice my second year because my cousin quit and it was way too hot outside for me to be the only one out of my cousin, my sister, and me to still be in it (my sister dropped out of football, too). My basketball team my first year only had five people (you needed five to have a team), and we usually always at least one of the five people not show up to a game, so we had to borrow people from another team so we could play. We didn’t win a single game. I had a different team my second year, and they were way better. I made my first foul that year, and my coach was so happy. He thought it was a sign that I was actually going to participate, that I would be a valuable member of the team. Angels came down from the heavens and played their little angel trumpets while he cried and said prayers of thanks to whatever gods above there were. That was the best day of his life. (I didn’t make another foul or a single basket after that day. He eventually stopped trying and only put me in the court because everyone had to play at some point.) With softball, after the first year, the team was spilt into two: the kids who had a future in softball, and everyone else. I was on the “everyone else” team. I practically lived in the outfield, even after that. It was really boring tbh and whenever a ball did get near me, I either shyed away from it or I was too busy daydreaming to see it. Also I went to third base once instead of first and still made it to the base before they could tag me out. I thought it was pretty great but my coach still wasn’t happy. My coach for the first five years a.k.a. my uncle stopped coaching after my cousin didn’t want to play anymore, so I had to join a new team. We were called the Skittles. I was a fifth grader playing softball with a bunch of middle schoolers. I ended up with two black eyes that year because I got distracted during the practice before two different games. That was my last year of sports. Oh, and I’m still afraid of things flying towards my face.

5. I have four cats and two dogs. Until recently, I had four dogs, but one of them was like sixteen years old and passed away this year (we got him after his owner, a close friend of my mom and stepdad, died in 2015) and the other, attacked our fifteen year old dog who we’ve had since I was like three. My mom and my sister are very protective of the feeble old man dog, so the one who attacked him was given to one of my stepdad’s friends within hours.

6. I am from the United States. Unfortunately x) Okay, it wouldn’t be so bad if we didn’t have people like the Great Big Orange mucking around or people who,,,don’t know what compassion is. But yeah. I feel like it could be a really good place, but there are just some people who don’t want that to happen (America has never been great, stfu).

7. When I was about eight, I tried cleaning a Cambell’s chicken soup can and cut the side of my thumb. My mom (who’s a nurse) had to superglue it back together. I still have a faint baby scar on my left hand from it. (Also I would like to add that I did it because my grandmother would keep pencils and stuff in this giant soup can at her house. Idk why it worked for her and not me but oh well now I have a weird-ass story I can put on “ten facts about me” so I guess it worked out for the best)

8. I’m such a procrastinator guys. I was tagged in this like a month ago. I even do it with things that are important to me, like writing. I’m going to psycho-analyze myself for a minute and say that it’s probably because I have a fear of failure and a fear of people not liking me/making fun of me/etc. If I don’t ever finish writing That One Thing then that means I can’t ever post it, and if I don’t ever post it that means it won’t only get three likes and one rebloob and no one will criticize it or say that it sucked. I’m trying to work past it, but it’s not like I have a great amount of self-esteem x)

9. I have an unhealthy obsession with dragons (but I didn’t start playing Dragon Age because of it)

10. When I bought an Xbox 360 my freshman year (in 2014), I was trying to find some games to try, and my friend, Tony, spoke very highly of Dragon Age. I also remembered my cousin (whom I’ve always regarded very highly) talk about it with my sister a year or two earlier, so I decided to buy Dragon Age 2 and Dragon Age Origins, along with a few others. I didn’t actually play Origins for a few months and it took me a few months to finish my first play through, but by the time I finished the game (with a little over 80 hours), I was hooked.

#unless you just really want to know things about me i would just...skip this whole post tbh #i'm way too indecisive with the ships #and i wrote an essay on practically every fact about me #especially number 4 #to anyone who reads the whole thing #i'm sorry #tag meme #not dragon age but also dragon age #it's so late #and i didn't even get half of my ships #i just kind of said fuck it at some point #also i ship everyone with meredith because i'm in love with her #i'm also in love with callie #and the episode where callie lived with mere and derek was so cute

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