on the train back home 🤩

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

more phoenix wright situations

B'Elanna, Neelix, Tuvok and Chakotay needed to star in an episode where they just talked about their different beliefs and approaches to spirituality/religion. Paired off and all together. I need to gain more insight. I need characterization and I need it to be messy.

Self Portrait I drew in front of my mirror ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ��•⁠^⁠ฅ

So, I used to pretty active here, some of you might remember me. I'm not an army anymore but I still have a soft spot for jikook so I occasionally check on what they've been up to, but I don't delve deep at all and miss a lot of stuff. In the past few days however I was overcome by a sudden jikook-missing wave and started going through some of my tags from when my blog was active which made me miss them even more (and also made me realize that the overwhelming majority of the blogs I used to reblog from have since deactivated or just stopped posting/turned their blogs into something else, which was a bit sad). So I went to the jikook tag and started browsing a bit to see what was going on in the shipdom. I was a bit surprised to see how little activity there is in the tag compared to a few years ago, and there seems to be quite a mess going on: extremely polarized views compared to before, dubious amounts of delulu theories, and especially a lot of jikookers dropping the ship for one reason or another, although most or the reasons given make little sense to me (yes, I did see THAT post and all I'm gonna say is.. yikes). And like, you do you. We don't have to agree on everything. You know more than I do anyway lol, since I don't follow jikook closely. But there was one specific thing that kinda baffled me. The JM tattoo discourse. I'm late to the party, I know. I'm sure a lot was said at the time, but I wasn't around back then checking the tag. I was vaguely aware that jk talked about his tattoos in a live, and claimed the ARMY tattoo on his hand referred to armys (duh) and the J referred to Jungkook (makes sense). I literally didn't think anything of it at all at the time, I just thought it was nice of him to explain the meaning of his tats. But while scrolling through the jikook tag these past few days I realized that quite a lot of people considered that to be some sort of "debunking" that the JM stands for Jimin, sometimes to the point of dropping the ship because of it, or considering it the ultimate proof that jikookers have lost it if they still believe it stands for jimin and are now moving like teakookers or whatever. And I'm just, confused. I was like where is the debunking. Now. I'm not one for delulu theories. I think they can be fun sometimes, and I used to reblog some of them from time to time but for the most part I just thought they were cringe and always preferred to focus on jikook's actual actions and words (I never really actually cared if they were "real" or not, I just love their relationship and have enough reasons to believe they have feelings for each other and are attracted to each other, but how they deal with these feelings and attraction isn't really any of my business). However, the JM thing. I wasn't even aware it was considered a theory. For me it's just.. there. His ring finger literally spells out JM. Not a theory, it's a fact. Jk knows that JM is frequently used to refer to jimin, we literally have abundant proof of it. Jimin knows it. Armys know it. So unless you think Jungkook is a complete idiot who has somewhat never realized how that's gonna be perceived (which is possible I guess, but very unlikely), it was obviously deliberate. However, I never, ever, ever for a second thought that Jungkook would ever "confirm" it verbally one day. I see it as a statement on its own, that doesn't require an explanation and will never get one because it doesn't need one. It's just there, it speaks for itself, you can just choose whether you wanna see it or ignore it. So I was just puzzled to see people think there was any "debunking" going on. He didn't lie. Of course the M is part of ARMY. Of course the J is for Jungkook. But the JM is still for Jimin. He's not gonna say it because there is no need for him to. In a way, it's comparable to gcft. It's all there for everyone to see, and he knows it, but he's never gonna spell it out. He's never gonna say this is my love declaration for Jimin in video format. He doesn't need to, you'll see it on your own if you're open to it.

I really mean no offense but I feel that sometimes some people go so hard with the whole "I am SKEPTICAL because I'm smart and not a delulu shipper like you and I don't wanna be associated with you clowns" that it ends up circling back to being delusional except in the opposite direction. Apparently some of you genuinely think he just happened to put the J above the M, on his ring finger, and it just HAPPENS to read JM vertically. He also concidentally happens to never cover up the J with rings, and regularly gets the JM touched up but not the other letters (and I DID think jikookers were being delusional about this at first, but it kept happening and became undeniable so what was the point of denying it, I thought). All a coincidence. It doesn't mean anything, because Jungkook pointed out the obviousness of ARMY meaning his fandom and J meaning Jungkook. Did I miss something huge here?

i wanna talk about some lil moments i had last night but nobody's ever ever gonna believe me so i just:

i dont know what's wrong with me but i always feel so sad and heartbroken when i see Colt.

like i feel so overwhelmed with love for him but i really cannot imagine him loving me back. like. like. he's everything. and i'm just keri. y'know.

augh. it feels... impossible. like i am not Good Enough for him. he would not look twice at me. i didn't used to have this problem until i was abused for so long and now it's like... i cannot imagine receiving love unless if it is through violence. oogh. hurts my heart like a motherfucker. i miss the old me.

you

you get it

(talking about Azure)

stop it! i’m blushing! 🥰

I'm having one of those "I wish I could just be part of the Astral Express crew" moments

haigh..mini pre-confession fic anyone?

this is susurrus/jupe, its set after the events of fs+the dlc and the other fic i never uploaded....oops. its fine, u'll get the gist of it. also will eventually merge this into the actual story + put it on my neocities lmao

cw: fors.poken spoilers (ofc), mentions of the total destruction of athia and death in general

"ugh, my head." jupiter mumbled out, pushing themself up off the floor onto all fours. in the corner of his eye, the shattered remains of some breakbeast, that he hadn't cared to learn the name of, crumbled back into dust once more.

the last, desperate, attack from it had sent them flat on the ground and he coughed heavily at the rising pressure in his chest.

"now, that was quite the blow..." susurrus let out something akin to a snort, the golden light on their arm thrumming in turn with each word he spoke, "still, no major damage. off you go!"

jupiter rolled their eyes, but quickly regretted it as pain shot through them, "fuck..."

"oh dear, are you alright?" he muttered, tone almost sarcastic in its' sincerity, "how about we just sit nice and quietly for a minute? you still have some of those healing drafts left, no?"

in response, they flopped down to the floor, rolling onto their back to stare into the star-covered nightsky. far above, the distant moons of athia watched as he reached up with one arm, as if to catch it.

"d'you see it too jill?" jupiter mimicked, letting out a snort of exhaustion and ignoring as tears welled up, "you have no idea how much this sucks, 'rus."

"you do know i feel what you feel? i know exactly how much this 'sucks'." susurrus snarked back.

"i meant... the fighting sucks. it hurts. i'm bad at it-"

"-i hadn't noticed-" he interrupted.

"-but athia is so...empty. broken. all this fighting, all this destruction, all this death... it's so much." they mumbled, twiddling a thin strand of gold between his fingers. it had pulled itself from where susurrus lay, embedded in his right arm, and was slowly expanding throughout his body.

some part of jupiter knew, someday it would overtake him - susurrus would overtake him and then... death, presumably. from what little he had learned, very few had ever been bound to the demon and those who had..

the lucky ones died.

"there's so much here i don't understand, so many questions i have. so much of this world, its people, the culture was lost, and for what? revenge?" they continued and shook their head, sighing, "sometimes i think it burns more - knowing the world used to be full - than this," they gestured to where susurrus' golden energy had expanded up to his neck, "whole thing."

he remained silent for a moment.

"it was my duty...-is my duty. athia and its' people had to be destroyed." there was a flatness to the way the demon spoke.

"does it have to be?"

it happened whenever 'rus repeated his orders, jupiter had noted, and the strange spark of hope that sometimes intertwined itself into their chest returned.

"not all of us can escape our fate, you know. some of us run towards it, not away." the demon declared, golden light flaring up around their wrist once more.

"fates not the same as duty." they remarked, "and just because its' our duty, doesn't mean it's right.

"but...what if...you could? just escape your duty, your fate? would you?"

an uncomfortable silence fell as he seemed to consider the question. and, as they stared up at the distant, unfamiliar stars, galaxies away from home, the blonde man's thoughts began to spiral, tears finally spilling out.

"...you should make for a Refuge, instead of lounging out here - its' not safe. there's one nearby." he spoke up in barely a whisper, releasing a trail of miniature golden birds that they had become familiar with.

jupiter sighed, mumbling "alright.." and moved to follow. it was unlikely 'rus would answer the question today, then, but a small smile still wound its' way to them - that he had considered it at all.

and if they noticed the way one of his birds lingered particularly close to them as they hobbled along, they didn't mention it.

goddamnit. am i actually having a sexuality epiphany because i'm recognizing myself in a fictional cringefail vampire man. you gotta be kidding me

It's the 18th of July, first year anniversary of Terrovania! I made this dorm because people encouraged my silly idea

Terrovania is based on something that means a lot to me i love the horror genere and people making characters for Terrovania was something i didn't expect but i was very happy for!

So... I decided to draw at least one character from everyone, they are little sketches but i wanted to do something :)

Vincent @twsted-princess /Anne-Marlene @mystery-skulls-ghost /Rosabel @sakuramidnight15 / Steph @honey-deerling / Koko @kitty-is-chilling /Jackie @piraticusdorm / Buka @just-an-otakus-blog / Adam @the27th / Tabitha @circuscarnage / Jackie (2) @leonasbitties / Galena @mimitwst /Baron @calderadorm / Tito @rookvonhunt / Mervyn @not-twst-enough / Jewell @aiallardyce / Vermes @ellovett / Iridea @multydoodles /Levi @vale-ocs-roleplay

I’m very close to just deactivating/deleting all social media and disappearing forever I’m so sick of everyone and everything and feeling bad

Hm having thoughts about Reze

I’m gonna be deadass I am so pissed abt the bullshit I just saw.

Schizophrenia is not an excuse!! I’m sorry those fucks were being mean to you. I agree they are being like, genuinely ableist. But as a PROFESSIONAL ECOLOGIST you have a responsibly to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong” not edit a tumblr post (which you admit on this site isn’t effective) and then deflect any blame by focusing on the backlash you’re getting.

And I swear to god before any says “this is tumblr who cares lol” maybe the other schizophrenics like ME who LIVE IN THAT AREA and had to be in your delusional over-reaction with you for a bit while they did the research you AS A PROFESSIONAL, SOMETHING YOU ARE CURRENTLY TALKING ABOUT AS AN EXCUSE FOR WHY YOU WERE SO UPSET could not be assed to do because you saw a twitter post???

you have not plainly apologized and recanted your statement. anything that could be remotely taken as such has been padded in layers and layers of you talking about how bad YOU feel. fuck. off. oh my god.