#but i also feel like. im unlovable to them unless if im useful or... bleeding or beaten up or something. christ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

konigsblog · 9 months

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toxic! price/ regular price headcannons/general analysis? pretty pleaseee. (sfw and nsfw🥺) im trying to write him for the first time and im struggling!! (would also love to hear your general analysis/hcs on the other boys as well!) ((you’re like my favorite cod blog and you’re just so talented i had to ask you)

lots of love and well wishes<3

- 🥐

thank you so so much!!! im so glad to be your favourite blog, it means a lot to me <33 i cant thank you enough for your support, thank you 🫶💐!!;

price analysis, and toxic!price headcannons.

TRIGGER WARNING; HEAVY MENTIONS FOR SUICIDAL, SELF HATRED AND SELF HARM THOUGHTS AND INTENTIONS, cheating, misogyny, being an ALCOHOLIC and addicted to alcohol, manipulative behaviour, price makes you feel worthless, being used for your body, toxic behaviour from price. (message me if i missed any)

my personal analysis. (read tw above)

price is a captain, he believes he's always right and never takes the blame for any wrongdoing - unless it's from a mission or death. he's an alcoholic due to the stress of the soldiers, their life on the line. laswell may try to get him to stop, but no therapy can help this hardened soldier.

he never really believes he's good enough. overworking himself and drinking multiple coffees to stay awake just to write hundreds of reports, rushed. he doesn't sleep, barely atleast. he'll stay up, contemplating suicide as he thinks about the many soldiers he's lost. it may be the reason he can't bring himself to start a family; the fear of losing everything, either from suicide, death, or his unstoppable alcoholic behaviour that only get worse as he continues to live.

he's definitely planned out his entire suicide, a gun always beside him. price tells people it's for safety, but is it really safety if the life that's on the line is his? that he could be pointing that at his forehead and pushing the trigger, guts and bloods all over the bathroom floor. but he won't, because of simon. simon views price as a father, how caring he is for the others mental health, no one ever checking up on him.

simon is like a son to price, the way he admires and looks up to him like a father, the father he never had and the son he'll never have. he's caring and affectionate which is why he wants kids of his own, to sew them bloom like a flower of gardens, pretty colours of crayons covering the white walls.

laswell and price had a relationship, both desperate for love after years without it. laswell realised she was a lesbian and price agreed that this wasn't the best relationship, because it wasn't. but a part of john didn't want to let go; saying he was unmarried in his forties felt odd, unnatural. he really wants someone to love, someone to care for him and give you a reason to stay, but without that, he's suicidal.

if he ever did let someone in, he wouldn't feel as if he deserves them, unlovable. pushing them away or lashing out whilst drunk, crying when you still comfort him despite his yelling. looking at himself in the mirror and seeing a monster - knuckles bloodied with pieces of glass stuck in his fist and layering the ground. forcing his hands into the shards to make himself bleed, believing he deserves pain. you wrap him up in gauze and keel him beside you, but he can never truly feel comfortable. the idea of being loved despite having blood stained on his boots makes his skin crawl. you deserve better.

personally, my analysis on his character is that he's cold-hearted and can't let anyone in even if he's so desperate for love, no one to warm his lonely heart. he takes pride in being a captain, his boys, his team mean everything to him. it's why he won't kill himself, won't pull the trigger on himself. he can't see gaz's face at the news, soaps humorous personality slowly withering away, or witness simon lose himself, losing the father that was never his.

toxic!price headcannons.

toxic!price who uses you for your body. he doesn't bother denying it; your tight pussy and perky tits, or when you suck his cock so nicely like that, drives him wild. you're mainly there to benefit him, like a servant, his slave.

gets so pissy when you don't listen. he's a borderline alcoholic and needs his beer, so when you get into screaming matches about his behaviour, he grits his teeth grabbing a beer from the fridge and gives you a cold hard look - not appreciating the efforts you put it to get him better.

toxic!price who's the biggest asshole you've ever met. who scoffs and rolls his eyes when you bring up feminism, saying something sexist or misogynistic just to get under your skin. or who doesn't care about your own personal needs, you're just some fucktoy he can use whenever he likes.

toxic!price who uses manipulative behaviour. who controls your lift and calls you a slag for mentioning enjoying some time at a bar, that you're just asking for attention. even if you tell him that you're just meeting with some friends, he'll force you back into the bathroom and make you wash away the makeup.

toxic!price who says you look ill when you don't have makeup on, that you look different (and he doesn't say it in a nice way.) he's the man to roll his eyes and say you look ugly when you're crying just so you stop making so much noise, who doesn't care about your personal feelings.

he pushes your body against his own as he sleeps, mindlessly, asleep. he doesn't do it on purpose but it gives you butterflies in your stomach, knowing you shouldn't feel this way about a toxic man like him.

he's cheated on you before, multiple times. he'd came home with women and made out with them on his lap, kissing them the same way you do, maybe nicer. god, you're lying if you say you didn't care, because you felt your heart break into a million pieces.

you don't know how to react, packing a few thingss into your purse and leaving the house, him throwing the woman off his lap to chase after you. forcing her out the house as he goes after you, grabbing you and pinning you against an alleyway wall, whispering aggressively to you under his breath. he genuinely doesn't really understand why you care so much, after all, you're just a fleshlight, right?

toxic!price who forces you to come home. and after that, he'll beg you for sex because that other woman didn't feel as tight as you did. it makes you feel horrible; insecure and lost. and he'll get all upset and annoyed when you refuse, that you're tired or not in the mood.

toxic!price who refers to you as a bitch, whore. he's the person to call you ‘woman’ as if it's a derogatory term, even though it's not. you'll berate him for this, “you're just a cumsleeve, doll, c'mon, let's be honest with ourselves.”

finding yourself between his thighs more times than not. your lips wrapped around his meaty cock while he forces you further down his shaft, complimenting you for being such a good girl for him - the only time he'll praise you; for sucking cock.

too bad he cums so much, all sticky and pearly running down your throat, making you gag from the smell of his musky balls and gross tasting semen. he laughs and forces your face into his balls, humping your pretty face when you refuse to suck his balls.

you broke up with him once and somehow ended up back in this mess, but now you're married and divorcing is too expensive so you're stuck with this dickhead forever :(

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neuropathicgypsy · 4 years

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So there's this guy who isn't so great...

So i saw a photo of him and I'd seen it before but this time i was thinking about some dark shit...

And I realized who he is...

It doesn't always happen that way... Actually... Like it was dark but not bad... Then what i remember was bad...

And so may be this girl was lying and it was the way it was initially with the memories about this guy... And maybe she did deserve her ass beat...

But their relationship wasn't as he wanted me to believe... Like it was more like how she said it was...

And may be 100% like she said... Like maybe it really does only take 20 minutes for an abortion. How would i know? I never had one... Or may be her mom was confused... About what time i dropped her off... Idk im trying to remember 10 years later and frankly i don't even care.

I washed my hands of both of them fully in 2008....

So now randomly he's popped back in my life... And completely random...

I didn't have a problem with him until he kept lying to me... Like for real lies like "I'm coming over" and he doesn't. Like that. Not like i think he's lying... Like its really obvious hes lying... Like its a fact.

Then i was all fuck this shit. And Matt happened to be with him and I waited like 8 hours and he did this huge song and dance and so i told Matt, punch him 5 times, at least 2x in the face.

So Matt did... Cause dam dude it was ridiculous. I already seen him and i already identified his alter ego but i was okay to over look it. Like it wasn't my relationship and it wasn't like it been 10 years since she had him arrested for beating her and i went with her to the court...

Yeah he definitely can't handle alcohol...

Like he would be cool at my house at first but as the night wore on... I would be like 2 hours later... Time for bed and make an excuse of life i had the next day instead of drinking and hanging out all night

He would be all "its nine o'clock!!" And i would be all "yeah Tom, sometimes we all have to grow up and admit responsibility"

Yeah sometimes he was a bitch... Like when i said anything with sense he would be all "i need to duct tape her mouth"

Or that one time he wanted to put me in my kitchen trash bin... I told him i didn't give a Fuck so he put it over my head and i told him to pick up the trash off my kitchen floor and he did then swept it and left a big pile in the floor...

But overall he was just his unique self that i kinda got used to...

Because his drama with my friend was between them -- unless my friend bitched about him later, like when we took the kids to the park, and i tried to help her figure him out.

Anyways so now i know my friend wasn't lying about him...

And i know other shit he did... Like to me...

Cause i actually knew him in Alabama, NYC, Texas, Oklahoma and now here... Like a stalker...

And so i am wondering... Should I tell him what i know? What i remember? The bad things?

Or should i just not?

I wonder if it will do any good... Like Why for put myself through his bull shit when i really just want to be left alone?

Do i want to remember?

No... I don't want to feel my ribs feeling like they're about to break or sharp pains on the side of my head -- the side closest to the wall in the bed so he could say i fell instead of it being on the side where he slept...

Like being drugged... So he can lie as to why he and my ex husband thought it was great to spike drinks.... Like ...

I don't care. I really don't.

He knows what he did and I just want him to go away. Obviously he isn't going to stop... Obviously he shouldn't be around the female human...

But what I'm just gonna pull evidence out his ass? My ass? Prove it?

I really don't think i can...

He already was sentenced 9 months for what he did to my friend.

May be he learned... Idk.

Obviously hes not going to come over and despite his recent meddling, people have come to their senses about him... Like he totally doesn't give a shit about me. Or them.

So obviously i left him when i was younger, between his father and mine, i got out of the house with him and he quickly moved on to "someone better" and he brought her over and the next one an the next cause he thought when i told the girls he beat me, i was jealous and trying to break them up...

When i was saying, I am so glad i left and I'm left alone 90% of the time and he isn't all up my ass bugging me and being weird and hitting me cause he had nothing else to do and no brain activity. And that it could happen to them, too. For no fucking reason.

It took a while, too for his dad to help me understand it wasn't me... Like he was just crazy... Stupid. Jealous. And dumb. Not too long but i did have to be taught that there's no difference between an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend or husband and an abusive parent or sibling. I always thought i really did something wrong

Now I know... I let him live and i was afraid of him and to let the "monster inside of me" out. And i was afraid I wouldn't win and i would die at his hands.

Now I'm not. Now I don't even care although I know for a fact he could probably break my neck in less than 10 seconds... Not because I'm suicidal or don't care about myself.

But because I do care about myself and I know that i can kick his ass. I know i don't have to and i know i can kick his ass soft enough that he behaves better and also that i can kick it so he never breathes again.

Because I'm angry. At what he did to me. Im angry that i believe without a doubt he would do it again if i didn't know all HIS male friends that would kick his ass, without a doubt until he quit bleeding.

Because I'm angryi have to feel the physical pain he did to me and i have to remember the bruises and the tears and the frustration and annoyance and knowledge that i wasn't loved.

Because I'm angry my fucking ribs hurt.

Idk that night he put on his act. I wanted him dead. Like i didn't care. I wanted to. I really did. I wanted to care about his life and his safety but I didn't. I hated him. With every cell of my being.

Matt said "i only punched him 2x in the face" i was all go back and hit him 10x in the face!!! Like it wasn't enough and i KNOW Matt did to to what he deserved not tappy tap tap.

I heard that over a week later, on Halloween, his face was still mangled... Like 6 broken noses and 5 black eyes... Like... Obviously he only has one nose and 2 eyes but there was enough damaged tissue for more.

I dont even feel bad... Like i still feel,it isn't enough. Because now i feel pain. And have since Halloween when the people he went to the carnival with left because i left. And haven't seen him since. Because they figured out thwt he was purposely keeping them from me, in line for the Haunted House for nearly 2 hours... I was not gonna stay..,

They could got out of line and sat with me at the fire they gave more logs for and rejoined him when he was near the front... It was cold where they were. They could even had taken turns in line.

It wasn't something i could do... I didn't even know they were there until after I left. All i was told was they would be about an hour... Which made no sense cause i thought they said they were already there... So what for an hour?

For the first time in forever it was just me and my kid for Halloween. We could done anything. My kid actually wanted to do the Haunted House... But didnt want to wait in the 36°F line for over an hour.

Its a good thing they left too, i got beat up in the Halloween Haunted House before, too.... Perfect place... Dark.. Scary... All perfect for "accidents" with no real person to take fault... Just accidents...

So really... I'm like part of me wants to tell him i know what he did...

But more i just want him to not exist.

And then another part of me still likes him and wishes he has grown up and realized he could be better than he allows himself to be. Part of me feels sorry for him.

I know he just wants to be loved and safe Just like we all do...

And I could love him as a friend as I had in the past... Knowing hes not been trustworthy in the past makes it easier to protect myself.

I handled him quite pperfectly 11 years ago... Until my ex husband I was married to then, started encou stupid and dangerous and evil entertainment.

I still don't understand the point to drug someone to have sex with them. Like dude. You're saying you're not good enough to be liked with a person sober and woke and living normal.

So that says a lot about a person... That they have no confidence or true love for themselves.

I been for real single in my house for 10 years...having only long distance relationships. I dont feel the need to drug someone to allow them to like me. They either do or they don't.

Im curious as to why they dont but i dont care. Some people just do not get along with others. Its that simple. I don't like plenty of people and to have to explain myself or be pushed around because of it totally pisses me off. I don't like you, simple as that and I'll hate you before I love you.

I see the most problem with criminals is they dont love themselves but usually demand others to while not believing others do... So they beat them.

Its really really sad. Its horrible. How they can't break that barrier to love just themselves. And then turn themselves into unlovable trash that they shouldn't be.

So at the end of the day, if you don't want to be loved. Then i won't love you.

Its the most difficult lesson a person can learn and its the most saddest and heartbreaking. But also the strongest making, most wisdom learning lesson.

And so I can turn off my feelings, my warmth, my caring for someone whom asks me to. Most especially someone whom has or would try to beat it into me.

Life is: Survival of the Fittest, is it not?

If you cannot love yourself, cherish yourself enough to take risks then you cannot survive.

If you cannot believe you are loveable then your actions will cause you to not be loveable.

But yet people like Jesse James and "Tom" don't have a problem with being greedy and asking for more and more and more. Like vampires with empty souls sucking down unicorn blood in the forest like they want to live on a page of a Harry Potter novel.

And so my question is, do i tell him what i know he did to Me? Or does he just want to relish in the delight of what he got away with so that He can devise ways to lie to make me some sort of pawn in his life, someone to use?

Why waste my time?

Friday in about 15 seconds i lost my child support check... While looking for it lost another check for $2.40...Then at the bank moments later literally $5 disappeared from ny hands.

Then the next day i had taken off my shoes in the Wal-Mart wheel chair shopping cart... While wheeling around... Lost my dam shoe.

I didn't even bother to look for it.

And my cat was kidnapped... Then i sent someone to fetch him... "Tom" let him get kidnapped again... Then he got fetched again.... And i have yet to see him... So im like what the fuck? Its been over a week... I tried Thursday night to go ask the neighbors but all the gates were locked...

Then i got this like flue feeling thing where i want to puke all day and all these body aches and I just want to sleep.

And Every thing is pissing me off...

And know why? Cause this curse if u dont acknowledge the dead on Halloween with a fuckking Hello then i get all this bad luck. Happens every time.like excuse me ass holes i deal with you 300 days a year and i can't have one with my kid?!

Its absolutely ridiculous

So id much rather sleep then to decide to care about someone whom has shown they do not care about me.

But is it wrong?

Should I tell him all those hits and attempts at giving me amnesia were temporary and i know exactly who he is and that he's still lying and that I know he was all trying to marry my friend then still get with me?

His dad says that he knew hitting me made me leave so that's why he hit my friend. And his dad says that she wasn't pregnant and that same as at my house it was more all over him than him on her... Unlike when he was with me

And i know i still have a lot of memories that don't fit right that are messed up.

But I know exactly what happened between Sara and Tom according to Sara's words to me. Because that part of my memories have never been affected. Even if i was drinking... Because i didn't drink a lot because i get migraines if i do. Mostly wine coolers or rum and juice...

Plus there was two adult sized male idiots, a seemingly whore type person and then 3 children 2 under the age of 5. So obviously someone who wasn't stumbling and posing a threat to the kids by falling over on themselves had to be present.

I just got drunk enough... So that i really didnt give a shit about all the stupidity I saw in the adults around me. And could say shit like "you know Sara, sometimes you're really dumb. Hes told you like 40 times to get off him and you're still on him So when tomorrow you're all black and blue and he says you tripped going down the stairs and i saw you walk down them just fine, I'm not really gonna care. I mean its not like he told you or anything. 46 times"

But while sober... I would worry why he was so mean to his girlfriend. Why she would always be rejected by him. And why she would allow herself to be treated so horrible. If my friend told me always to get off them, i would feel sad. Sometimes I have had to tell my kid not to touch or lean on me because i have pain... But i try to adjust so that they can... As i have a lot of numb spots next to highly painful areas.

But between Tom and Sara... I felt it was weird,volatile and and dangerous. And they shouldn't be together.

I even asked him once cause Sara would go inside with my ex a lot... Hmmm.. Idc.

"Why don't you like Sara to touch you?" And his face would be red.

And i would say " okay so then when do you like Sara to touch you?" Cause then i would tell her So she could get her affection...

And it was always difficult to get him to talk about himself.. Until for two nights I didn't talk to him and when we we're alone after he kicked me under the table most of the night, all angry in my face why i wouldn't talk to him...

"Oh why because you called me duct tape for 6 months telling me not to talk to you. And then when I did or have tried to "get close to you" as i would a friend, you just sit there all dopey and smile and don't even answer a question i ask you"

You know then sara comes out and says i said he was on dope.

And she denies it...and I'm tired of her being oblivious to every dam thing on the fucking planet. And i straight out accuse them both of being on meth...

And so while trying to faceplant herself on his Dick shes all "we should leave"

So then i throw them out and they both refuse to move. What. The. Fuck.

He claims hes afraid to leave cause she is all dopey on his Dick.... And hes all shes gonna rape m3 and all tries to,hide behind me,touching my body to use me as a shield and tries to jump over the railing of my porch!!! But acts like hes afraid to and asks my permission like 14 times. Dude you're a grown ass man why the fuck are you asking that's dumb. We were on the lower level anyway. Literally 4 steps, including the top.

It always seemed that stupid and annoying.

So i really didn't care when he went to jail, sentenced for 14 months and got out in 9..

Or when on New Year's Eve, i took her and her kids Christmas presents and she hadnt got any of us anything... And I had bought and took her cigarettes and she didn't want to share when i ran out... Or when I said we needed to leave because my kid wanted to go home and she told me that I was being a bad friend because I'm a good mom... Because I was going to leave... Then we went to the bonfire which my kid liked and so Sara said if i wanted to smoke her Winstons... Then i had to go get them and she threw them .... Because she was jealous all her neighbors were talking and laughing with me because i actually do know how to socialize.

And i quit being friends with her that night.

Left .... And every time she text me after i just told her to shut up and fuck my husband....but she didn't know because shes so sef absorbed that 2 months prior I told him i wanted a divorce.

On Thanksgiving.

In front of my uncle....

And so... Still... Should I tell him I think he's a complete ass hole with something to hide or a chicken shit that is making it look like he does.... And allow him to explain himself or not...

Because I a fucking tired of him trying to get into my brain. Hes all hiding. I'm not.

I heard in 4 months he hit me 15 occasions... I used the calculator and it was once every 8 days. I was 16. He was 23.

That enough makes me want to not talk to him. But i also don't want him to be all well that's your fault Sabrina. And blame me all kinds because I gave him a chance. I gave him a 100% chance.

Then when he blew me off more than once,including in DM.. I was all forget you then.... But then when I said i didn't want to fuck him, he lost his Goddam mind. Like dude... So yeah... When were we ever going to anyways when you can't even drive to someone's house? Or set up a date and actually go to it? It was So irrational the way he reacted. What? I'm a cum bucket? Like what he's gonna random run into me at Wal-Mart an pound me from behind in the family bathroom while i hold onto the toilet seat??

Seriously. Hes not rational

So I'm like to tell him what I've been told by th3 dead and what i remember... Its just a waste of effort, isn't it?

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just-an-anxious-mess · 6 years

Text

Two-Faced (Part 2)

Part 1

Trigger Warning: mentions of suicide, self harm, blood, panic attacks, angst

I looked over at Deciet and mumbled "I think he's fallen asleep."

"Well don't wake him, he might bite us if we do." Roman commented from beside me and I shook my head.

"Should we leave him here or try and get him back to his room?" Patton asked and I shrugged.

I turned to Deciet and decided to wake up him up so he could go to his room if he was tired. "Deciet?" I asked and nudged him.

He didn't respond and I narrowed my eyes. He was usually a light sleeper, unless he'd changed so much since we were on good terms that his sleeping situation was different.

I leant over and tapped him and still got no response.

"Deciet! Wake up!" Roman shouted and I jumped in surprise.

"What the hell Roman?" I asked in annoyance and turned to see if Deciet was glaring at him only to find he hadn't woken up.

"Uh guys, not to live up to my name of anxiety or anything but somethings not right here. Deciet used to be a really light sleeper." I said, worried now.

Patton stood up and walked over, having extracted himself from Logan who looked annoyed at having their cuddle interrupted.

"Deciet?" Patton said and gently pushed the snake faced trait and got no response.

I pulled Deciet towards me and his head flopped to the side limply so the non scaled half of his face was now visible.

"Holy shit is that blood?" I exclaimed as I noticed the red trailing down from the corner of Deciets mouth.

Patton gasped and shook Deciet which did nothing but make his head flop uselessly.

Logan quickly went into analysis mode and said "Someone lay him on his side so he doesn't choke on his own blood, I need a little more time to figure out what's happened."

We did as Logan said and backed away as he began to search for the source of the blood.

"He seems to have bitten his tongue but the only possible explanations for that would be something akin to unbearable pain which he was attempting to hide. Obviously whatever caused him to bite his tongue hard enough for it to bleed like this, is also the same thing rendering him unconscious."

Logan pressed his fingers to Deciets neck and his eyes widened, causing me to ask "What is it?"

"His pulse is still there but it's slow and sluggish, not a good sign. My best guess is that he's ingested something he shouldn't have. That would explain the unconsciousness, the presumable pain that caused him to bite through his tongue and his dangerously slow heartbeat."

"He was in the kitchen looking for something to eat when I encountered him earlier, he seemed a bit off and he's been acting slightly differently today." Patton said with his eyes locked onto Deciets still form.

I frowned and tried to recall anything I noticed that could help Logan figure out what was going on.

"As the third film began his eyes looked slightly glazed over and I thought he looked a bit out of it but then he snapped at me." I said, unsure exactly how that could help.

"Patton, go to Deciets room and see if whatever he ingested is in there, Roman go to my room and grab the medical bag from under the desk and Virgil you can help me keep an eye on Deciets pulse." Logan ordered.

The other two ran from the room as I knelt next to the couch where Deciet was and put my fingers against his neck to check his pulse.

There was a slow feeble beat and before I knew it there were tears rolling down my face. I'd hated Deciet for years because of how much he'd messed with my mind and told me the others hated me but, as Deciet himself had pointed out, he was the only person I used to be able to go to.

He was there for me when I had my panic attacks, he explained how things worked in the mindspace when no one else would and he was right when he said I went crawling back to him.

When I decided to duck out I'd gone to Deciet, telling him how he'd been right about the others not accepting me and he'd sighed and given me a hug, telling me that he did try to warn me.

If it hadn't been for the others tripping the alarm I'd set up just in case someone was in my room, I wouldn't have noticed they were in my room. I would have just spent the day with Deciet.

I frowned as I suddenly remembered something. That day when I'd gone to Deciet, I'd found him in the inactive part of Thomas's mind, hence why I stopped effecting Thomas.

The thing was I had no idea why Deciet was in there at the time. He'd seemed tired or something and I was sure I remembered him wincing when I hugged him.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by the sound of feet running into the room.

"He.... He....." Patton panted, waving something around in his hand as he tried to speak.

Logan got to his feet and took the object from Patton with a small frown.

It was as Roman came in that I put everything together and exclaimed "He did it on purpose."

Logan wasted no time in grabbed the medical bag from Roman and grabbing things I had no name for.

I barely paid attention to what he was doing as I struggled to understand why Deciet would do this. He always seemed so unaffected by everything, from Romans insults to when he used to hiss abuse at me.

"If you're squeamish look away." Logan said as he began feeding a strange looking tube thing down Deciets throat. "I'm trying to get the medication out of his system by pumping his stomach, it is not a guaranteed solution as it's usually preferable if this procedure is done within the first 4 hours of a person ingesting something but it's the only option we have."

I got to my feet and turned away, unable to watch what was going on.

A pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me into someone's chest but for once I didn't resist, instead I slumped into them and sobbed.

A hand was rubbing my back and a quiet voice whispered "It's alright, Logan will save him. Everythings OK."

Roman was trying to make me feel better but I knew everything was far from OK. I didn't say that though, I just continued to sob into his chest.

After a while Logan let out a sigh and I pulled away from Roman to see why.

"I've done all I can, all we can do is wait for him to wake up and see if it's caused any lasting damage."

"How long will it take for him to wake up?" I asked and Logan sent me a sad smile.

"Anywhere between an hour from now or even days. That is if he wakes up at all. There's always the chance I was too late and... We'll just have to see what happens."

Patton, who'd been incredibly quiet the whole time, let out a small sob and whispered "This is my fault. If I'd just picked up on his feelings better I could have stopped this."

Logan pulled Patton in for a hug, trying to comfort him but Patton continued. "I could have done something today, I knew something had changed yet I told myself it was probably not too important. I only ended up talking to him because I couldn't sleep without knowing what had changed. What would have happened if I hadn't?"

I shuddered at that thought, tears running down my face as I looked at Deciets unconscious form. All those times he used to tell me I was unwanted, unloved by the others, it was all just a big front to hide the fact that's how he felt about himself.

I felt helpless knowing I couldn't do anything but wait. I took a deep breath and said "I'll sit with him while you guys sleep, just in case."

"Virgil you need to sleep too." Roman immediately protested and before I could argue back Logan spoke up.

"We'll take it in turns for however many nights it takes for him to either wake up or...." Logan quickly cleared his throat and continued "Virgil can do it tonight if he so wishes."

Roman sighed "Fine, but you have to sleep tomorrow night."

I nodded and sat on the floor next to the couch where Deciet still lay. Logan escorted Patton out, whispering words of what I assumed to be comfort and reassurance.

Roman hovered slightly for a few seconds then shook his head with another sigh and walked out, leaving me all alone with the unconscious form of Deciet.

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#just an anxious mess's fics #sympathetic deceit #deceit angst #virgil angst #virgil sanders #patton sanders #patton angst #logan sanders #logicality #roman sanders #tw suicide #tw suicide attempt #tw self harm #tw mentions of blood #tw panic attack

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