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#and everyone screaming about it. for sure a spiritual experience.

gurugirl · 6 months

Text

The Séance Experience

ghost!harry | ghost!reader | horror | dark

Summary: A pair of spiritual mediums decide to host an underground seance on Halloween morning at the old abandoned Styles’ house, well know for being haunted. Things go awry. Not everyone escapes.

A/n: I'll have warnings listed below but just know this isn't for everyone! Read at your own discretion! This is dark and horror based. If you'd like some background on the story read the original one shot - On Halloween Morning but this can be read as a standalone.

Word Count: 9224

Warning: 18+ only, smut, dubcon, death, violence, murder, ghosts, evil spirits, use of Ouija board, horror, dark content

Cooper had been planning this for nearly a year. It had meant a lot to her. It wasn’t just a gimmick to make a quick buck and trick gullible souls like one would think. No, she was a real spiritual medium. Sensitive to energy from the presence of the dead among the living, as well as entities of the evil kind. And every time she passed the old Styles house she felt it call to her. It truly was a cursed graveyard, now home to dead souls and dark spirits alike.

Almost everyone had heard of what happened in that house on Halloween morning in 1968. An entire family was slaughtered. At first, the police didn’t know who did it but eventually determined it was the 20-year-old son, Harry Styles, who had killed himself after killing his entire family in their beds.

But it didn’t end there. Over the years people would sneak into the house and many would never be heard from again. And there was never any evidence of anyone being in the house. A missing person without a body is hard to investigate. Police had gone in numerous times to check out calls when neighbors heard screams or family members were concerned when a loved one never returned. Nothing was ever found except usually a few loose boards and pried-open windows or doors but they always chalked that up to squatters coming and going or the occasional thrill seeker.

All those missing people who’d gone in and never come back out led Cooper to believe the house was inhabited by a dark force. Not just ghosts of the dead. It could be common for a home to turn into a cemetery of sorts when people had died on the premises. But it wasn’t common for a home to harbor the darkness of evil and to lure and then collect the souls of the living.

But she still needed to go in there and make contact somehow. There was an intense pull. Something drew her in, called to her, and it only got stronger as time went on. She became obsessed with the house. Read every news article she could find, all the missing people connected to Styles house, police reports, and supposed first-hand accounts of those who had escaped (she knew to take most of those stories with a grain of salt).

She found out as much as she could about the original family members, especially Harry Styles, who she was sure was the cause of all the chaos that had surrounded the house for over half a century. Even in death, he was something to be reckoned with. There was some talk, accounts of old friends of the Styles boy before his violent passing, that he was evil. That he had a violent temper, and that he was into the worship of a malevolent spirit called Angra.

Then, after learning all she could, she put out a small ad in the paper, just to get some interest from other psychics and seers like herself. Anyone who would take seriously the idea that the Styles house was haunted and in need of someone to go in and communicate to the dead or to whatever kind of spirit it was that held domain over the premises. Perhaps they could do some good.

A few calls and texts came in. Most of them were just curious and nosy. Finally, one was like her. A spiritual empath and guide. He was interested in joining her in reaching out to the home and the spirits within. But he also had contacts with others who would consider themselves psychic or clairvoyant. He was in the business of healing and reading for a living. Cooper was hesitant at first but the least she could do was meet up with the man and get a feel for him in person.

When Bran arrived (she imagined Bran was short for Brandon but never bothered to ask) and sat down across from her at the diner off Spring Street in Chinatown, she looked up from her phone and smiled at the man, “Hi. Thank you for coming,” she reached her hand out to shake his and immediately she felt it. He was deeply intuitive and came with a wealth of psychic energy. But she still needed to be sure of his intentions because she was picking up something a little off with him.

They discussed the things they’d seen and felt over the years and shared stories amongst themselves that most would scoff at. Bran told her about his small business. He knew a lot of people who would be interested in doing a séance at the old Styles house.

“I need them to all be sensitive to what could happen. To be aware. I don’t want just anyone coming. I don’t want this to be a free-for-all and have disrespectful people who just want to have a thrill for fun. It needs to be people vetted and serious.”

Bran nodded with a somber expression on his face, “Of course. I can get the word out to the right people and to my group of contacts. I can already think of a handful who would be interested in joining and would take this very seriously.”

She nodded, “That’s great. Because the more of us the better. This house is seriously dangerous. That’s another thing I want everyone to know. That people who visit the house don’t always come out.”

He took a bite of his tuna fish sandwich, “Well I don’t want to scare anyone off but I’ll tell them if you think it's necessary.”

Bran was a tall ghostly pale man. His eyes were sunken and dark, his nose long and pointy and his skin was smooth and free of any inkling that he could grow facial hair. In all honesty, he looked underfed. He was only a few years older than Cooper herself yet despite his smooth skin, he appeared to be 20 years her senior. He wore a brown corduroy, long-sleeved button-down shirt with loose-fitting, navy-blue athletic pants that dragged the ground. And Birkenstocks. He was balding at the front and his hair was already going white.

She reached out to some others, in hopes that she’d find someone she could truly trust. There was just something about Bran that didn’t sit right with her. She knew to listen to her intuition. She knew not to ignore the little warnings going off in her head, but there weren’t that many people like her. And even if he was a bit sketchy, he was truly like her and she knew it deep down.

So, the séance would move forward with Bran and whoever he could find along the way. She would keep her eye on him and make sure he stayed in line, but he was her best option, unfortunately.

She did not have a good feeling about what was to come.

30 minutes before Halloween

Harry and Y/n were preparing for their yearly Halloween ritual when they were disturbed by boards being ripped from the back door of their house, “They’re early.” Harry said.

“Well, early is good, right?”

“We can just have some fun. Fuck with ‘em a bit,” Harry grinned and thread his fingers into hers.

“But we can keep them, though?”

“Of course my love.”

Often when humans came into their home, Harry and Y/n’s favorite game was to lure the unsuspecting souls toward them with the delicious sound of sex. Make them think they’d caught someone fucking when in reality, they’d just fallen into their trap.

Peeping Toms would peek into the bedroom door and see two lovely beings going at it, bed rocking, skin slapping, moaning… the whole nine.

Sometimes Y/n would seduce whoever it was, or maybe Harry would do the seducing, depending on the preference of their new victim. And people were dumb. They had no idea that they were being groped and kissed and fucked by a ghost. Worse than a ghost. Something dark and sinister. Something that was about to claim their soul and their life.

“Fuck, Harry…” Y/n was on top this time. Rolling her hips over him, one hand pressed into his chest, her other yanking at his long hair to keep his head down. He kept trying to flip her over but Y/n wanted the top this time.

“There we go… Good boy… just stay down. Let me ride you,” she moaned and worked her wet pussy back and forth.

“What’s that sound?”

“Fuck. I don’t know.”

Rick and Jacob began to unload their suitcases to start setting up for the séance. Just a few things were really needed. Signage was taped to the side of the house so the rest of the group knew where to enter. A table was set up outside the door (after the boards were pried off and the doorknob smashed in with a hammer). Candles would light the pathway to the basement, which is where their friend Bran told them they’d be holding the séance.

“There it is again. Hold on…” Jacob held a hand up as he stood from his position over his suitcase.

“Shit. This isn’t good. I’m getting a vibe man…” Rick whispered.

Both men stood silently and listened to what sounded like…

“Someone’s having sex?”

“Holy shit… I don’t think it’s human because I’m picking something up, but shit…”

“It’s a trap.”

The rhythmic clank of the bed and Y/n’s moans of pleasure grew louder. And both men knew it was a trap. Knew it was dangerous to go further but it was like they were in a trance. Without another word, the pair began to follow the sound up the hallway until they could hear the mattress bouncing.

And as expected, the door was pushed open just enough so both men could take a peek inside and feast their eyes on what was happening before them.

“You’re gonna regret this,” Harry smacked her bottom but it only made Y/n laugh as she ground over him harder.

“I never regret fucking your brains out, Harry,” her tits swayed as if made of real, warm human flesh.

Harry lifted his thigh and put his feet flat onto the mattress in another attempt to roll them over so he could get on top but before he got any momentum the two onlookers watched as the female slapped the face of the man under her.

She took her hand out of his hair and wrapped her palm around the front of his neck, pushing him down further, “Fucking said stay still.”

Harry loved it. Loved having someone to play with. He’d really gotten the answer to his prayer to Angra with her when she was led to him the year prior. From the beginning she was perfect. A little more spicy than he imagined but he liked her this way. She was always mad at him, which led to lots of fighting but then of course lots of sex as well. He never adored anyone when he was among the living. But Y/n? He adored. She was his gift. His eternal mate. They were bonded and even when she was smacking him around he couldn’t get enough.

Y/n squeezed tighter around his neck and Harry grinned at her, his eyes going wide at the sensation. He would have spoken back but he was busy feeling the euphoria he only got from his mate.

Rick nudged Jacob and jerked his head in a motion for them to leave but Jacob put his finger up and continued looking in.

“Like what you see?” Y/n sang out as she raised her hips just enough so the men could have a nice view of her pussy riding up and down Harry’s big, evil cock. She turned back to look at the door and made eye contact with both of them as she kept rocking over Harry and held him down with her hand on his throat.

“Fuck! Shit!” Both Jacob and Rick stood to run but before they could even make it to the kitchen Y/n was standing before them naked, holding her hands out, “Where are you going? I can’t believe you just left in the middle of the show we were putting on for you two. You didn’t like it?”

“I think these two have a special gift. That’s why they didn’t just come in and join us,” Harry spoke behind the pair causing them to startle and turn to see Harry right behind them. Also naked.

“You know? You’re right. That explains it doesn’t it?” She stepped in toward Jacob who looked like he was about to piss his pants. She drew her long finger over his collarbone and walked around his frame slowly. Inspecting. “You’re special aren’t you?”

She looked up at Jacob as she stood back in front of him.

He shook his head and looked at Rick, who was in the same state as Jacob.

Y/n’s finger pressed into Jacob’s chin and she pushed his head back so he was facing her, “Keep your eyes on me. Don’t you like this? Look…” she gestured with her free hand along her body. “You don’t want any?”

Jacob quickly shook his head again and Harry leaned in to speak to the man who’d just rejected his mate, “I’d say yes if I were you. Because this will be the last time you ever get to touch her in this way again. And you’re going to want to touch her once you belong to the house, belong to us. So yes is the answer. Not no.”

Harry stood up and placed his hands at Rick’s shoulders and squeezed, giving him a bit of a neck massage, “And you. You can have me. I can just feel the gay energy rising off your prick right now,” Harry whispered into Rick’s ear. He was trembling. Absolutely terrified. Both men were.

“See? This is all just about a proper introduction and welcome to our home. Come…” Y/n grabbed Jacob's hand and led him toward the bedroom where she and Harry had just been.

“I really like a man who lets me do all the work. Just lie there and enjoy. Okay?” She pointed at the bed but Jacob didn’t move. All of his senses were firing off. Run, hide, fight, give in… This was unlike anything he’d ever experienced and he’d considered himself someone very sensitive to spirits. But these two. They were different. He could feel the power coming from the male and the female ghost. He knew he was no match. In fact, he was sure none of the others, who would be joining him and Rick in the next twenty minutes or so, were also no match.

“What are you?” He finally found his voice.

“I’m Y/n. This house is our domain. We feed it and we take care of it. We’ll all get to know one another a little better once everything is said and done. Then you’ll understand more.”

She didn’t want to waste any more time as she saw Harry behind her with his prey. Harry was already sucking at the man’s neck, making his move.

“Come sit with me… what’s your name?”

She took his hand and led him to the bed, “Uh… Jacob.”

“Jacob,” she spoke his name like she was already having sex with him, “A nice Christian name. I hope you know God can’t save you here. You’re mine. So you might as well enjoy this.”

Harry kept his eyes on Y/n and Jacob as he cupped Rick’s crotch, “Oh? Does being scared turn you on?”

It did in fact. Rick’s connection to the dead was more than just a spiritual guiding. It was physical. He got turned on anytime he used his gifts to contact the unliving.

Y/n had slid her hand up Jacob’s thigh and made sure he kept his eyes on hers, “Just keep looking at me. You’re doing so good for me.”

Jacob’s chest began to rise and fall heavily as the hot naked woman got nearer and nearer to his crotch. He tried not to let the way she looked human and so supple get to him. It was a façade. Yet her breasts were soft and round, her nipples hard, and her tummy looked like he could nuzzle into it. Her thighs and legs were long and silky. She was breathtaking. She looked more like an angel than the evil thing she really was which had him confused.

“It’s okay to be confused, Jacob. Just let me take care of you. Let me show you why you came here tonight. The real purpose of your life. It’s all led up to this very moment. You and me, Jacob.”

His gaze dropped to her plush lips and that was her cue, “Do you want to try a kiss? See how real and warm and wet it is?”

She licked her lips as his eyes plunged to her mouth and then her pretty tits. But before he could nod she already had her mouth covering his. And that’s all it took for Jacob to surrender. She tasted real. She felt real. He put her hands up to her breasts and gently squeezed as she laughed into his mouth, “That’s right. Feel me. Enjoy me.”

Harry moaned as he pressed Rick’s lips down over his cock. Rick was much easier to convince. All it took was Harry’s dirty words in his ear and his lips on his neck and he was a goner. Rick had been turned on before he’d even stepped foot into the house.

He had one hand at the footboard keeping himself steady as he used his free hand to guide Rick over his cock. But he kept his eyes on Y/n as she kissed the other man and he groped her luscious tits. Harry tended to get jealous a bit. Sometimes more than others but he never enjoyed being a cuck. Because Y/n was his. But he could admit, it was awfully fun playing with their captives.

She backed away from the kiss and grinned, “See? So nice,” she thumbed at his bottom lip and then pulled at it, “I know it feels real. And it is real in a way. I’ll feel just like a human and for me, I’ll get pleasure if you’re good. I know you’re thinking a ghost won’t feel this since we’re technically, dead,” she laughed, “But I always feel it. Harry and I fuck every day and it’s just as good as when I was alive.”

Jacob didn’t move an inch, “Don’t you want to make a woman feel good, Jacob?” Harry grunted, “She’s offering you something special and you’re just sitting there like a dope.”

Y/n shushed Harry, “He’s just nervous my love. Either way, we’ll get him naked,” she turned to look at Jacob, “I want you to take all your clothes for me. Can you do that for me, Jacob?”

The man nodded and with shaky hands began to take his clothes off.

Y/n smirked at Harry who had his mouth dropped open. Rick was pretty good with his mouth, he had to be honest, “Don’t forget the balls there Ricky poo,” Harry pulled Rick by the back of his hair to drag him off his dick before pushing his head lower to which the man quickly began to kiss and lick.

Jacob pulled his shoes off and then his pants down his legs before looking at Y/n.

“Take your underwear off. Can’t very well fuck you if you keep yourself tucked away,” she pointed at his black briefs.

Jacob looked toward Rick and Harry and then to Y/n, “I’d… uh… like some privacy maybe. Feels weird having them in here with us.”

Harry pushed Rick’s forehead, causing him to fall back onto the floor with a thud, “You want privacy with my girl? I should rip your throat out for even thinking you’d be allowed that kind of indulgence.” Harry rounded the bed and walked up behind Y/n, putting his lips on her neck with his eyes on the intruder. “No. You get no privacy in this house. Everything that happens here happens under my watch,” he spoke as he dotted kisses along her skin and up to her jaw.

Y/n laughed and turned in Harry’s arms, “He doesn’t know any better, Harry. Just… go back to your toy and I’ll go back to mine. Ignore the ignorant comment he made,” she stroked her nails down his chest. But she knew the look in Harry’s eyes. He wasn’t going to let this go that easily. He was in a mood, which shouldn’t be a surprise. Because soon, it would be Halloween morning and they’d be quite busy.

Harry walked away from Y/n, back to where Rick was still on his knees on the floor. He dragged Rick up to stand, “Remove your clothes as well. Let’s see what we’re working with.”

With both men naked and looking as if they were about to be devoured by a bear, Y/n hummed and circled around Jacob, “Lie on the bed for me. You’re free to jack off if you want. I’d actually prefer it if you did,” she gestured toward to the bed and the man hesitantly climbed up and laid himself flat as he was told. “See, I need you to stay hard for me, and sometimes when a man gets really scared he can tend to go limp. So I just need you to let go of all your thoughts and stroke your cock and just be in the moment with me. Can you do that, Jacob?”

He swallowed loudly and blinked his eyes as he kept them on Y/n who knelt next to him on the bed, waiting for him to answer, “I… I don’t know…”

She ran her cool hand up his sinewy thigh and brushed her fingers over his cock, “I know you can do it. You’re halfway there. Just submit to me, Jacob. Do as I say and this will be a lot less painful for you. In fact, you might even enjoy it if you let all those rational thoughts in your head disappear into nothingness. I need you as dumb for me as possible. Let me do all the thinking.” She squeezed his cock before straddling his thighs and grabbed his hand, pulling it down to his prick, “Here you are. Here’s your penis. Keep it in your hand and jerk yourself slowly. I know it’s a hard task but I believe in you, Jacob,” she spoke darkly. The insult was missed by no one in the room.

Harry had Rick bent over the footboard, his ass bare and open for him as he kept his eyes on his mate while she sat over Jacob’s face and placed her hands on his chest. She kept her own eyes on Harry’s as she began to rub her pussy over the stranger.

“Not bad…” she laughed, “But I want more tongue.”

Harry groaned as he pushed himself into Rick. The man cried out in pain at the sudden intrusion. And Harry had gone in dry so it was quite unpleasant. But Harry didn’t care about Rick’s pleasure. He was too busy watching Y/n. He didn’t like it when she enjoyed herself too much with anyone but him.

“No. No, no, no, Jacob. No good. You’re really not good at this are you?” She lifted herself and peered down at the man. “I feel bad for all the girls you attempted this with. Let’s try something else.” She climbed off of him and stood next to the bed pointing at Harry, “Can you be done with him already? I need your assistance over here.”

Harry grinned as he rammed himself into Rick one more time, causing a howl to fall from the man’s chest and he gripped the footboard with white knuckles.

“Ricky poo, it was a pleasure. Truly. It’s time for you to meet the rest of the house, now,” he spoke darkly to the man as he brought his slender fingers up to Rick’s neck and began to squeeze. Rick’s face grew red as he began to shake and struggle to get free from Harry’s grasp. But Harry had him pinned and he was far stronger than Rick.

Jacob lifted his head to watch in horror as the evil spirit began to choke his friend but Y/n sat on his chest and blocked his view, “Best not to look, Jacob. Focus on me and keep stroking your cock. I see you’ve been slacking off a little.”

Rick’s face turned from bright red to purple as the air was blocked from his lungs. Harry tightened his grip even more until the man was slumped and his neck was crushed.

Harry grunted as he dropped the man to the floor and then looked to Y/n, “Done.”

She gestured with her finger, a come hither motion as she opened her legs up, still sitting on Jacob’s chest, her back to his face, “Let’s show poor Jacob how it’s done,” she spoke teasingly.

Y/n climbed off Jacob’s chest and turned to look at the sad man, “Sit up, back against the wood. I want you to watch this. And even though you’ll never be able to use these newly learned techniques I think it’ll be enlightening for you nonetheless.”

Harry grasped Y/n’s hips as he dropped to his knees and pulled her to the edge of the bed so her ass was hanging off, “Got a good view, Jacob?” He eyed the man teasingly before dipping into lick over her cunt and moaning at the taste.

Y/n stuck her fingers into Harry’s hair and looked at Jacob, “See where his tongue is going? That feels so good. That’s the hood of my clit. That’s a spot a lot of terrible lovers don’t ever think about. I bet you’re one of them aren’t you, Jacob? No idea where the clit was before now?”

Jacob shook his head, “I know what the clitoris is! Please this is… I won’t tell anyone. Please let me go…” he sat up further and pressed his hands into the mattress as if he were about to push himself off the bed.

“Stop!” Y/n’s loud growl along with her grip on his cock had him immediately stopping. He hadn’t expected her to reach out for it like that, “Sit the fuck back and watch my pussy get licked by a pro. Unless you want me to tear your dick off? I will if you’d like. Just try that again and find out what happens.”

Jacob put his hands up and leaned his back into the board behind his head and looked to the floor at Rick lying lifeless. He was trembling and his heart was pounding in terror.

“And why do you keep defying my rules? Stroke. Your. Fucking. Cock. I need you hard for what I’m about to do. So chop chop!” She laughed and then looked back down to Harry sliding his tongue against her. His eyes were on her. She loved when he’d get on his knees for her. He did it often.

“Fuck… I don’t want to come yet,” she moaned as she pushed at his head, “You’re too good at that she smiled. “I want to come on Jacob’s cock. Really give him a special going away before the house takes him.”

Harry sat back onto his haunches and scowled at Jacob who was slowly pulling at his cock.

“What is it, darling?” Y/n placed a finger under Harry’s chin to turn his attention back to her. She knew what it was. Knew how jealous Harry would get when she’d play with other people. Cooing at him she leaned down to kiss him and reached a hand out for Jacob’s leg, “Aww… don’t be jealous. You know your cock is my favorite. Your lips and your hands… Baby, this is just for fun. You are forever.”

Harry clenched his jaw and shook his head at her condescending words, “Can I be inside of you too?”

Y/n laughed as she straddled Jacob once again, “Sure. You wanna share a hole with him or have your own?”

Harry got behind her with Jacob lying flat as he put himself between the man’s legs and reached his arms around to pinch Y/n’s nipples, “I’ll fuck your ass while you fuck his skinny prick with your cunt. Give you something to feel in one of your holes at least,” he laughed sinisterly.

Y/n laughed with him as she looked down at Jacob, “Is that okay, Jacob? Mind if I have two cocks inside of me? I will need a little something more because you really are a bit underwhelming,” she flicked at his shaft. Her words were filthy and rude.

“I umm… Please, I…” Jacob wined as Y/n took his hands and held him down by his wrists.

“Oh? Begging already? Well, that’s certainly a good sign,” she laughed dryly before lifting her hips to allow Harry inside of her first.

He gripped her hips harshly and began to slowly push in, her anus stretching out before him and she moaned. Jacob was lying still under the pair as they began to move together, his hands pinned down.

“Fuck me… Harry your cock is the best. Oh shit!” She turned to look over her shoulder and nearly forgot all about the man under her. The man she was supposed to be playing with.

Harry began to fuck into Y/n as his thrusts had her rocking back and forth. She moaned and clenched and hissed at the feel of Harry poking into her.

“Oh fuck!” She panted as she leaned in down to give Harry more access, her face only inches above Jacobs. She looked down at the man and grinned, “You never got this kind of response from anyone, did you? Can’t use your tongue or your prick properly. Poor man. We’re doing you a favor here. And all the women you might have tried to get into bed in the future as well. No more disappointing sex from you I’m afraid.”

Harry was pleased that she hadn’t put Jacob inside of her. He pounded himself into her harshly and made it so that she wouldn’t be able to angle herself enough to get the human’s prick anywhere near her pussy.

“Goddamn! I might not even want your prick anymore, Jacob. Ahhh!” She let out a guttural moan, “It’s too little for me anyhow. No fun in that…” Her words came out in punched breaths as Harry rocked into her.

Harry laughed as he heard her give him insult after insult. The bed was squeaking and the candles along the edge of the room flickered.

Y/n looked at the shadows on the wall and gasped when she saw the spirits arrive.

“It’s midnight. Let’s get this over with…” she said as she released one of Jacob’s hands and pressed her palm down over his throat.

Harry leaned in and placed his fingers over her clit and thrusted in harder and faster.

“Oh fuck! Yess… Make me come, Harry. I want all the spirits to see this.”

Suddenly Jacob gasped and his muscles tightened in his release. He hadn’t even meant to but the restriction of his airflow and some strange involuntary physical arousal had taken over. He poured out over his tummy as Y/n reared back into Harry’s cock with a gasp.

“Oh, he’s coming, my love!” Y/n laughed before groaning at Harry’s stiff cock slipping out of her.

Harry pulled her off of Jacob and angled her hips up as he sat back onto his haunches, “This is my fucking girl! Her body is mine!” His chillingly sinister voice sobered Jacob right up as Y/n’s hand loosened its grip with the new angle she was in.

Harry began to fuck into her pussy rapidly. His groans grew louder as he railed her deep.

Y/n coughed out a moan, “The best cock I’ve ever had, Harry. Right there. You’re gonna make me fucking come. Don’t stop!”

Harry pushed his thumb into her ass as he plunged into her pussy repeatedly. Jacob was caught in fright, unable to move to speak as his own throbbing cock splashed his come all over his tummy so he was a wet sticky mess as he watched the pretty ghosts fucking between his legs.

“Shit!” Y/n reared back into Harry and gripped her hands over Jacob’s thigh, her nails digging into his skin.

The scene of Jacob lying untouched with come on his tummy and Y/n and Harry orgasming together was watched by the ghosts of the house as midnight meant it was Halloween morning.

When the pair had finished and were slowly moving together in their come down Y/n looked at Jacob with a pout, “Sorry, Jacob. You didn’t get the chance to feel my pussy around your tiny cock. My lover here kind of took over and you’re a bit of a bore.” She laughed as the dark shadows grew near to the bed.

Jacob turned his head as he saw the obscure silhouettes moving in and began to croak out in distress but his neck was sore and his voice was caught in his throat.

Harry pulled Y/n with him off the bed as the spirits descended over Jacob until there was no body left and Jacob’s fate was sealed into the house.

Y/n turned to Harry with a smile, “The morning has arrived. I can already hear the rest of them. They’ve come. Let’s go play.”

“Where are Rick and Jacob?” Cooper could see two suitcases opened but nothing was done. Candles were still wrapped in paper, the planchette was still inside, and nothing had been set up. “This house hasn’t been cleansed either. I’m going to need to prep it and set intentions here.”

Bran looked around the space and cupped his hands over his mouth, “Jacob! Rick! You guys here?”

Cooper quickly stood up and grasped Bran’s forearm, “Shhh! This isn’t your home. You cannot come in and act that way. You need to be respectful of those at rest.”

“No one’s at rest in this house. Can’t you feel it? Today is their holiday. They’re preparing for a party. A feast. They knew we were coming.”

Cooper sighed and turned to look behind her as Marin, one of Bran’s acquaintances, bent down to start pulling items out of one of the suitcases, “Well, either way, we need to get set. Russ is coming in with the table and I’ll bring the chairs down to the basement. We’ll have people coming soon.”

When Cooper saw the table leaning up against the outside of the house with the chairs next to it she knew right away something bad had happened. Rick and Jacob were meant to come and set up everything. Cleanse the house, set intentions, light candles, and have the table and chairs set and ready to go. It shouldn’t have taken long. Yet nothing had been done.

The last two invitees arrived as Cooper went from room to room with a candle and spoke a protective prayer, asking the spirits for their permission and to safeguard them from the evil that lurked.

She could feel the house as if it were alive. Every room had a story, a haunted retelling of the horrors that had happened over the years.

“I invoke light and pure intention. I am a clear and kind channel. Light is my guide. I will not harm and my request is for knowledge and safe passage.”

Cooper repeated her words as she descended the stairs to the main floor, already feeling the way the spirits in the home were at odds within. Some were receptive, some were not. She knew this could lead to trouble if everyone inside wasn’t on the same page. If they weren’t sensitive and receptive.

She lit candles to guide everyone into the basement of the home. The rest of the people who had been invited to join would be arriving shortly for the séance.

Bran, Marin, and Russ had set up the table and chairs, put the black cloth onto the table with candles in the corner, and Cooper’s old Ouija board and planchette atop.

She took a deep breath to center herself and felt the chill of the spirits all around.

“Bran?” She held her candle close to her heart as she stepped down into the basement and looked at the tall man.

Without responding to her verbally he turned to look at her. The shadows that cast over his face made it hard to see his expression.

“Jacob and Rick are still here. I can feel them. Maybe we can draw them out. I can’t tell if they’re alive or not.”

Bran nodded, “I can also feel them. I don’t know what happened but this house is full of darkness and despair. Are you open?”

Cooper nodded, “Yes. I feel the guiding of the good spirits here. I’m protected. You?”

Bran looked at a dark corner of the basement and back to Cooper, “I don’t know. I keep lighting that candle and it keeps getting blown out. Something here is trying to warn us.”

Marin suddenly ran into a chair and gasped, “What the fuck!”

“Are you okay?” Cooper rushed toward the young woman who shook her head in disbelief.

“Something just pulled me into that chair and whispered but I couldn’t understand. I… I’m okay. I think.”

Cooper looked down at the chair and back to Marin, “Have you spoken your intentions to the house? Are you protected?”

The young woman looked at Bran and then back to Cooper, “Protected from what?”

Cooper set her candle at the edge of the table and gazed toward Bran, “You told everyone about this house, correct? About its past? What to expect?”

Bran cleared his throat as three young men suddenly descended into the basement, laughing and speaking loudly.

Cooper pointed as she kept her eyes on Bran, “Who are they?”

Bran took Cooper’s arm and pulled her away from Marin, “Observers. I found a group who were interested in coming to watch.”

Cooper yanked her arm from Bran and walked toward the three men, “Excuse me, you three will need to leave. It’s not safe for you here. I’m sorry that you were misled–“

“Who are you?” One of the men laughed as he took in Cooper’s appearance wearing a shawl and hood as if she were some old witch.

Bran interrupted, “They’ve paid to be here. They’re not going anywhere, Cooper.”

“Paid? Why would you charge anyone? What are you trying to do here? This isn’t some game!”

“Calm down. Nothing will happen to them. I’ll see to it.”

Cooper scoffed and rubbed her hands over her face, “How many outsiders have you invited?”

“Just four.”

“Four outsiders? Bran, they can’t be here. Two of our own are already gone. Maybe dead.” Cooper began to raise her voice. She knew it was a bad idea to get Bran involved. She felt it from the beginning that he was up to no good. There were only meant to be eight people in total for the séance.

The fourth outsider made her way down as well as Russ and two of the others Cooper already knew.

“We can’t do this. Not like this.” Cooper rushed out her words and grabbed for her board at the center of the table but Bran stopped her, putting his hand over hers.

“We will. The show must go on. I can already feel them. They want to be heard.”

Cooper shoved Bran away, “You’re making a big mistake. I’m out. This is reckless.”

She wanted her board and her planchette but she could already tell the evil that resided in the house had already gotten Bran. He was channeling the dark and she needed to leave before it was too late.

As she took the stairs up to the main floor the basement door slammed closed and everyone in the basement had their attention on Cooper.

“No one leaves this home, Cooper. Don’t you understand? The spirits are already among us,” Bran’s voice crawled through the chilled air of the damp, dark basement and one of the outsiders laughed.

“Fuck. This is creepy as shit. Worth every penny.”

“My cellphone doesn’t work at all down here. Not even the camera. Dude! What kind of show is this?”

“It’s not a game! It’s not a show!” Cooper’s voice wavered as she held onto the banister and made her way back down the stairs to join the other 9. She already knew the house was locking them into the basement. She wouldn’t be getting out by turning the knob. It would be useless for her to attempt it.

Harry and Y/n watched from their shadowed corner with pleased smiles. Bran was right. No one would be leaving unscathed, if at all. The ten living souls trapped in the basement were now theirs.

“This is going to be fun,” Y/n whispered as they watched the humans gather around the table and another candle blew out.

“Shall we begin?” Bran spoke loudly. An old fixture above the table flickered on, casting light down over the board, making the edges of the room appear darker.

Evil had arrived. Cooper knew it and she knew some of the others could feel it as well.

“Everyone, welcome. Tonight, we are in the presence of greatness!” Bran’s voice boomed as he stood at the table and lifted his arms upward, the features on his face morphing as if he were a decrepit old man, “You will be witness to the experience of a real séance tonight. You may see or hear things that frighten you but if you stay connected with us and keep your mind open you are bound to enjoy yourself.“

“Stop!” Cooper shouted, “There is something evil here and the four outsiders are acting as skeptics,” she looked toward them and continued, “It’s breaking the bond we might have together and this is dangerous. I need to…” She lifted her candle blowing out the flame, “I bind you evil!” She sat her candle down and tore her shawl, ripping a long section off. With the candle in her hand, she began to wrap it with the torn material, “Evil spirits, trouble us no more. I bind you from doing harm to others or to yourself. Your actions will only be for the highest good.”

She repeated the chant as she wrapped the candle and one of the outsiders laughed quietly.

Bran slowly moved behind Cooper and placed a hand on her shoulder as she continued her binding spell, “Useless. The spirit is already here. You cannot stop it, Cooper.”

She could feel it was useless but she needed to try. Sitting the half-wrapped candle down she looked at everyone in the room, “Everyone! Take your candle and repeat after me,” she tilted her candle toward the one next to hers and relit the flame, “Repeat!”

“Elements of the sun, elements of the day, please come this way,” she looked around the room, and only a few repeated, “Please everyone. I need you to all repeat. This is a protection spell. You may find this funny but in just moments things will be getting very serious and this is the only thing I can do for you now. Please…”

Repeating the first part of the spell she noted that still only a few repeated, but she continued, “Powers of the night and day, I summon thee. I call upon thee to protect me!”

The three men who were last-minute invitees chuckled and whispered amongst themselves. The fourth outsider, a middle-aged woman, seemed to take Cooper’s instructions more seriously.

“Hold your candles up,” Cooper demonstrated and she heard Bran sigh as he walked around the group slowly, “I infuse the power of the flame so that it may burn away all negative energy. We pass through the smoke so that it may protect and shield this home.”

The sound of Bran clapping slowly drew attention back to him, “Are you quite done? It’s time to give the people what they’ve come for.”

Cooper knew her bindings weren’t going to work on everyone, if at all, but she had to try. She didn’t have the proper equipment in reach and now that four of the people in the room were skeptics it damaged the circle of empathy and the channel of openness.

“Come. Everyone, have a seat at the table. Let’s begin.”

All but the three young men seemed hesitant. Pulling up chairs and looking around the table Cooper knew this wasn’t going to go down how it had been planned. Cooper was meant to kick off the séance. She was supposed to be the medium, the vehicle for communication but it was clear that Bran was going to be doing it now.

“The spirits are already here trying to make contact. I want everyone in our circle to place a finger on the planchette,” Bran spoke as he touched the wooden stylus.

Everyone reached across the table, chairs dragging over the cement flooring closer to the table and fingers were placed on the planchette at Bran’s direction.

“Spirits, we are here. We are listening. I feel your energy all around. Give us guidance. Show yourself!”

Cooper closed her eyes and felt the chill of something along her back and breeze along her neck. Slowly, everyone in the circle began to gasp or mumble something under their breath about having felt the wind.

“Shit!” One of the guys laughed in surprise and turned in his chair to look behind himself.

“You,” Bran pointed at the man who had just laughed, “What is your name?”

Cooper could see the shadow behind him. Something, someone, was already there and it had already selected its first victim. It wasn’t a surprise that it would be a skeptic. A person who would not know they were being hunted. Ignorance is not always bliss.

“Fred,” he answered. The light above the table flickered softly and Cooper was surprised none of the outsiders found it odd that an old, abandoned house with no electricity had a light working. Marin’s face told Cooper she was absolutely terrified.

“He’s chosen you first,” Bran spoke darkly.

“What?” Fred laughed again and let go of the planchette.

“Do not let go from the circle!” Cooper shouted but it was too late. Suddenly Fred was pulled away from the table, his chair dragged into the dark shadow of the edge of the room and his cries for help were quieted nearly as soon as he had begun to scream.

The woman who had been sitting near the men started to panic, letting go of the circle and standing, “What is happening?”

“Don’t break from this circle! Keep your hands on this planchette. It’s the only thing we can do to protect you,” Cooper rushed out her warning.

One of the men got up from his chair and turned toward where Fred had been dragged, “Fred?”

“Please sit! Come back to the table!”

A candle that had been placed on the floor was suddenly illuminated and there were sharp inhales of breath and gasps as everyone in the room witnessed Fred’s limp body hanging from the ceiling.

“No! What the fuck?” The man turned to look at everyone at the table and pointed toward his lifeless friend, “What is this?”

The woman who was standing began to grasp her neck and struggle when a dark figure appeared behind her. She was being choked and pulled into the corner where Fred was hanging.

The third man stood and looked at Cooper, “This isn’t funny anymore.”

The overhead light flickered and illuminated everything behind the man and by the time everyone at the table could warn him, it was too late. The light fizzled out and then the room was left only lit by candles. The glimmer of the fire danced finickily on each of the wicks and cast an unstable glow over four outsiders who were hung in a row in the corner of the dark basement.

Gone.

There were only 6 left.

“Now that they’ve been taken out of the equation,” a strangely upbeat-sounding voice spoke. Raspy, dark, unmistakably male, “We can get down to business tonight.”

From the shadows appeared a tall young man with dark curls and nearly clear, jeweled eyes, and a young woman next to his side. Harry was pleased to be taking over this get-together.

Bran stood up and just as he was opening his mouth to speak Harry took the floor once again, “No need to speak. This won’t take too long. And the Ouija board’s not necessary. Contact is made. I am the spirit that dwells in this house. This is my domain and you all have trespassed.”

Everyone was stuck in silence as they watched the haunted pair near the table. They looked just as alive as everyone else there if you didn’t pay close attention. If you didn’t know better. But if you were someone like Cooper you could surmise that they were sinister beings. Not quite dead but certainly not alive.

“I apologize for trespassing,” Cooper spoke softly, “I tried clearing the energy and making my presence known in the most gentle–“

“You’re cute,” Y/n spoke with an eerie smile, “Nothing that happens in this house is nice or gentle. You’ll see soon.”

“You haven’t met spirits like us before, Cooper,” Harry stated, “But we’re so glad you couldn’t shake the call of the house. We knew you’d bring us some company. You did very well to listen.”

Cooper shook her head trying to wrap her thoughts around what they were telling her.

“We didn’t need the four extras,” Y/n commented, “But the house will make use of them.”

“What are you going to do with us?” Bran spoke finally, still standing in his spot as he looked at Harry.

Instead of responding Harry just smiled toward Bran as a shadow covered his face from above. The room was already dark but soon Bran’s figure was completely shrouded in darkness. His mouth opened wide to shout but no sound could be heard.

“That… that is what we are going to do with most of you.” Harry watched on as Bran’s face contorted and the darkness slowly pulled him from the table in silence. As if he was disintegrating into smoke.

“But why?!” Russ stood up and his metal chair fell back into the cement floor.

“Because it’s part of the deal,” Harry’s voice was dark as he began to pace slowly behind everyone at the table, “Angra requires sacrifice. The house needs life. We take care of the house and feed it with the souls of the living.”

“Angra,” Cooper spoke the name quietly to herself. She knew of Angra. Angra was a high deity of destruction. A demonic force of greed, wrath, sexual deviancy, and envy. And he was there in that home, and it was clear he was orchestrating everything from the handsome ghost, Harry.

“That’s right, Cooper,” Y/n smiled, “This is his playground, and Harry and I get to keep it all running like a well-oiled machine. It’s fun for all of us, really.”

Y/n pulled at Cooper’s hand suddenly, “Stand back,” she whispered as Cooper was moved away from the table.

The moment Cooper was out of the circle she felt a cottony soft cocoon surround her. Her arms were pressed down to her sides, her legs melded together, unable to bend or part, her mouth sealed closed, but her eyes and ears opened as she watched and heard every one of the people at the table struggle and scream when they were being dragged away by dark shadows until they disappeared.

Harry and Y/n only stood and watched with scary grins and hands intertwined. The flickering of the candles intensified and a howling wind blew through the basement and brushed over Cooper’s face before there was nothing but blackness and the smell of damp cement and smoke from blown-out wicks.

“You need to understand what’s going to happen now, Cooper,” Harry’s voice could be heard but he could not be seen. “You are bound to this house and you will not be able to deny your desire to return here every year.”

Finally, one candle was lit, and then a second one. Harry and Y/n each held a candle in their hands as they stood before Cooper.

“It’s going to follow you. It might take a week. Or maybe just a day or so, but you’ll recognize the scent, the draw, the torment,” Harry's disturbing words crawled over Cooper’s body. She was still unable to speak or move. “But you’ll get used to it and soon you’ll enjoy coming to visit us.”

“Oh, and maybe you can bring some really attractive people for us. Yeah? Because… Jacob and Rick? I mean…” Y/n laughed and her flame jumped as if her breaths were real, “We make due, but sometimes it’s nice to really enjoy the body before we give them over to the house.”

It didn’t make sense to Cooper, what the ghosts were telling her. She was frightened and desperate to escape but she was stuck.

“Are you ready to be released, Cooper? Are you ready to finally begin living, to finally be free of the mundane?” Harry grinned and suddenly the basement door at the top of the steps was shoved open and Cooper found herself dropped to the cold floor. There were no lights. No candles, no table or chairs. It was as if nothing had ever happened in the basement.

With shaky hands and limbs, she gathered herself and began to ascend the stairs, gripping the railing as tight as she could and looking behind her in search of the spirits or the bodies or anything that was after her.

But the moment her feet hit the wood floor beyond the basement door she ran toward the exit. The door was open and she rounded the corner and dashed to the front in a panic as she reached for her cell phone to call the police. Inside the house, her cell phone had been dead. But the moment she stepped out it functioned normally again.

The house looked so unassuming in the daylight. So old and in disrepair, but it didn’t appear anything like what it really was. And the daylight was surprising. Y/n was expecting it to only be around 1 in the morning but according to her cell phone, it was already 9:30. She must have passed out in the basement for hours before finally getting out of the house.

As she was questioned by the first cop on the scene she couldn’t shake the feeling of needing to stare at the house. She recalled the warning from Harry. That something would follow her. Something would continue to draw her to it.

She didn’t know why she was chosen but her fate was sealed. She was just glad she was still alive. Harry and Y/n were also glad she was still alive. They would be waiting.

The Halloween Call (can be read as a short follow up to this one shot)

Cop!Harry takes a call to check out the scene of crime at an old abandoned house, well known as the Slaughter House with a grim history.

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byunpum · 1 year

Text

EXPERIMENT 56 [your time is coming] sequel | PART 5 |

AVATAR MASTERLIST | EXPERIMENT 56 masterlist

PAIR: Neteyam x Human reader. ( a mix of human and Navi )

Other pairs: Quaritch x reader (platonic) , sully fam x reader.

SUMMARY: Y/N thinks she has a peaceful life with her new family. But a sudden visitor is about to change her life and her family's life.

WARNINGS: 18+, the characters are aged up 20's, a little violence, don't worry no one dies, Y/N and neteyam being parents , Bestie stuff, Family moments.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5

Note: I hope you like this chapter, Sorry it took so long to upload this part. I've had a lot of work this week, I've even been sick. But I will be catching up this week. Thanks for the support~~

Max was examining the results that norm had given him 5 minutes ago. He hadn't quite entered the lab, when he came upon the image of Quaritch sitting on the examination table, jake sitting across from him looking at him, as if his life depended on it. And norm asking him a few routine questions. As soon as norm noticed max's presence, both men ran up to him and started asking him questions.

"So?" asks Jake, waiting for an answer from his friend. Damn this knowing what was wrong with Quaritch was killing him. Max keeps looking at the results and talking to himself. "No abnormal activity" says max, looking innocently at the two men. - "Max…we know that…we want to know if there's another 'type' of activity?" shouts norm, the man is hysterical because he's had jake screwing with his existence for the last 4 hours. "He says it's someone else," says jake. Max goes back to looking at the results and walks over to Quaritch. Jake and norm watch as their friend starts talking to the man, it was nonsense questions. About everyday life, or what he liked to do. He also asked him how he had been feeling in the last few months and if he had experienced any changes.

After about half an hour, Jake sees Max approaching them. "His consciousness woke up, that's all. I have to run some more tests, but I'm pretty sure," Max says, as if what he is saying is understood by everyone. The man sees how jake and norm are looking at him open-mouthed.

"OK… The avatars they used for the Recoms, they are avatars that already had consciousness. They needed them to have consciousness so that they would be able to accept the memories of the military. A body that has no consciousness cannot walk on its own. It was like a celebral abduction, they repressed the southconsciousness of these avatars and made them believe that the memories they were introducing were theirs" max speaks. Jake couldn't believe what he was hearing. Norm walks over to his friend.

"Oh…that's right. That's why our avatars couldn't walk around without us, because they had no pre-designed consciousness, they were like newborn babies. While these ones had trained them, to then erase everything…" Norm begins to search and write down what they discovered. " You're telling me… that the man in there… he just had a spiritual awakening and now he's not what we think he is. " jake almost screams, he's frustrated. "Yes… he's totally someone else. He tells me that all the memories he has are of that person…but he's not that military guy" max says.

Jake was going to have a heart attack. You were right, Y/N was right. But he couldn't help but feel that he was in danger, this man who claims to be someone else. He had tried to hurt his family, and he had kidnapped you. He had done so much damage to his now home, pandora. He cannot accept. Norm can watch as jake walks out of the lab, and leaves everyone behind. "Hey where are you going?" yells Norm, as he watches his friend walk away from the lab. Norm knows jake will be fine, he just needs more time. "So what do we do with him?" asks max, giving a look at quaritch who was already lying on the table, while looking at the ceiling and playing with his tail. "I don't know…let's do some more tests" says norm. "He looks like an abandoned kitten" says max. "That's what I say" norm laughs a little.

On the other hand… Y/N was following the strange noises she heard. They were like begging and whimpering…and you were pretty sure they weren't from any animal…they were from a human or some na'vi asking for help. You had lo'ak behind you, both of them had stopped running to approach the target. You had to be quiet, you didn't want to scare anyone. To your good fortune you were both very good at it. You and Lo'ak were experienced at sneaking and being quiet, you had escaped from the family hut many times.

Neteyam had his arrow inches away from spider's head, trapping him on the ground. While the boy tried to cover as much of his face as he could with his hands. A single arrow and he would be dead in seconds. "Nete…what's wrong with you?" said spider, his voice trembling, his eyes tightly closed. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it was impossible to escape. Neteyam's pupils were dilated, beads of sweat were running down his forehead. He was in a trance of rage. Why did he always have to be involved in everything…why did he always have to be with you? Why you were always looking for spider's help, and not him. Neteyam wanted to overcome everything that had happened, but it was impossible for him. Why did spider have to help you, why wasn't he a good friend and he went and told him. He doesn't trust him… they are supposed to be friends, almost brothers…

Just as the arrow was slipping through his fingers, neteyam moved his arm a little to the left. Causing the arrow to pass right next to spider's head, burying itself in the ground. Spider felt like life was passing through his eyes. Neteyam stayed pointed at spider for a second, bow empty. "Nete…please put the bow down?" says spider, moving his hand to move the bow. Spider noticed that neteyam didn't exert any force, and was able to take the bow and put it on the ground. Neteyam's chest was heaving up and down, he looked like he was in a state of shook. He was a second away from ending his friend's life, how could he be able to do that. And still spider had gotten up from the ground, and had his hands in his arms. Trying to sit him down, spider gets neteyam to sit up. The boy moves a little away from the na'vi in hopes of giving him some space.

"Why does y/n always look for you?" speaks neteyam, sitting on the ground his head was hanging down. It was a sign of defeat. His jealousy had consumed him, to the point of eliminating what he thought was a threat, spider. He felt bad spider had nothing to do with it, even you…you had nothing to do with it. The problem was him. "y/n…she's my friend" spider says in a shaky voice. Neteyam looks up and looks at the boy. You could see the fear she had towards him. "I know she is your friend…but she doesn't trust me" says neteyam, he is silent waiting for some answer from spider.

"She trusted you…and you helped her bring our enemy to the village. She could have counted on my help, but no…she looked for you" says neteyam, now he had his whole body turned to spider. He had an authoritative attitude, but it wasn't defensive. "I think she looked to me for help…for fear that you wouldn't help her. Understand this is a delicate situation…but I didn't agree at first. Besides, you met that man once," says spider. Neteyam crawls a little closer to spider, runs his hands over the back of his neck as he sighs loudly. "Us? You mean my father?" asks neteyam.

"You know how jake is and she…y/n likes to help everyone. She…" Spider pauses. "She's great," says spider. Neteyam's eyes focus on the attitude spider now has. He looked kind of sad. "She's all yours neteyam…she loves you so much. If she seeks my help it is because we are friends…very good friends" spider says, raising his gaze to look at neteyam. He laughs a little, relaxing his shoulders. Maybe he had overacted. "You have a beautiful baby…you have a family with her," spider's voice sounds a little gruff. "I know I missed my chance with her a long time ago…I'm just helping her like I would help you" he says.

Neteyam reaches over to drape an arm around the boy's shoulders and give him a nudge. "Thank you…and sorry for trying to kill you" neteyam says laughing a little. "Oh don't worry…it's not the first time they've done it" neteyam started laughing and spider followed him. They stood in silence for a moment enjoying the tranquility of the jungle. "You know I think Y/N looked me up because she thought I might have some kind of relationship with Quaritch" says spider. "That makes sense" says neteyam. Boy were they stupid, maybe that was your plan all along. A noise interrupts them as the two boys see two figures emerge from the bushes. Y/N falls to the ground and is followed by an agitated lo'ak. They both quickly get up in attack position. Neteyam and spider stand there with their mouths hanging open.

"Ahhhh" yells lo'ak, you see neteyam and spider sitting next to each other. You had misheard…you could have sweared you heard some screaming. "Hello yawnetu!!!" says neteyam, sitting up straight and raising his hand to greet you. Spider copies his movements. He had to pretend, if you found out that he had tried to tempt spider's life…ohhh he was in a lot of trouble. He might be big, but you intimidated the hell out of him. You quickly approach neteyam and you sniff him.

"Something happened" you speak. The two men laugh nervously as they look at each other. "Nooo we were here practicing and talking" says spider. You turn your gaze to analyze the boy. "You were with lo'ak?" asks neteyam to change the subject and distract you. "Yes…we were at the beach" you turn your attention to neteyam. He grabs you by the arm and pulls you so that you are now by his side. "Hey why don't we go to the village…I'm hungry" says lo'ak who all this time had been lying down. Neteyam gets up from the ground, just like spider. They all take their possessions and make their way to the village. As they walked, spider and neteyam gave each other a few glances as they laughed a little. Neteyam was glad to have a friend like spider… who would forgive something like what had happened a few moments ago, nobody. But spider did… he was a strange boy.

Arriving at the village, you see how neytiri is talking to jake outside the family hut. You all glance at each other, and walk over to where the couple is. "Dad…what happened?" you say, a little worried. From the look on his face and the way his tail was all up in the air, you knew your father was having a nervous breakdown. Well, he was always like that…but you were sure he was about to collapse. "Y/N you were right…max just confirmed it" says jake raising his arms a little upset. "I'm what?" you're confused, what's going on. Neytiri tries to calm jake down, and invites them all into the hut. "I'm going to get norm and max" says jake, running towards the lab area. "Mom…" you look at neytiri, who is also confused. Neytiri leads us inside and orders us to sit down.

"Mom, where is noah't" you ask for your son, who is probably hungry. "Kiri has taken him to play with tuk, relax, he is fine" Neytiri gives you a squeeze on your arm, sitting down next to you. Everyone was quiet. Lo'ak and spider were talking about anything. And neteyam is next to you, he was playing with a bracelet he had on his ankle, you knew he was nervous about something, you knew it had to do with what happened a few moments ago with spider. You walk over and lay your head on his shoulder. "Is something wrong? Are you okay?" you ask, neteyam just looks at you and nods his head. His eyes betrayed him…he was feeling guilty. What happened? Out of nowhere, you see norm, max and jake enter the hut.

"Hello family!!!" says Norm, sitting down next to everyone. Jake and max follow him. You see that they have some papers in their hands. You were so curious to see what those papepes had written on them. Max looks at you and laughs a little, as does Norm. "You were right little girl… Quaritch is someone else" says Max, everyone is shocked. What do you mean, he's someone else? So what you had interpreted about eywa was correct. Max tried to explain as much as he could so that everyone understood, spider and lo'ak understood. Even neteyam understood what max meant. But your mother, neytiri is not convinced. "We are going to say that in about 2 or 3 months his past memory will be erased. He will be kept with personality traits and some vague memories." Max says ending his monologue. "So what do we do now?" asks neteyam.

"I don't know…you decide" says norm, looking at you quickly. Oh no, now this was your decision. You had gotten it right the first time, now you had to decide what to do about Quaritch. "Mmm we can ask grandma" you speak up. Neytiri supports your decision. "I think it is the right thing to do, tomorrow morning we will all get together and talk to mo'at. She will recommend us what to do" said neytiri with a serious voice. You were always impressed when she spoke like that, you see how everyone nods and hurries your mother's order. "Perfect" says Jake. After a long talk and norm answered some questions about the situation with Quaritch. Norm and max leave. So does spider, saying goodbye to everyone. Thus leaving neytiri, neteyam , lo'ak , jake and you alone in the hut.

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you" says jake, his hand was now holding yours. Your father could be stubborn at times, and it was normal for him to worry. And you hated to see him like that, you knew that the grief and shame he had now had no reason to feel it. "Dad… don't say that" you stand up and hug him. Jake wraps his arms around you and presses you to his chest. "D…daddy" you giggle a little. "Ma jake, let her go" says neytiri laughing a little."My baby girl…" jake says, letting go of you and giving you a kiss on the forehead. "I promise you everything will be okay" you speak, looking at your mother. You knew she was uncomfortable with this whole situation, but she knew how to handle her emotions very well. "I know" says Neytiri, pulling you close to give you another kiss on the cheek. You watch as your two parents look at you, you might be so different, but they loved you so much and trusted you blindly. You hear some smiles and smirks at the entrance. And you all see how kiri enters with tuk, tuk was holding noah't in his arms. While he was playing with some braids in his hair.

"Look who's there!!!" says tuk, pointing at you so your son could see you. Noah't stretched out his little arms as soon as he saw his mom and dad. "Come here" you speak, making faces at noah't. Tuk hands him to you, and you quickly begin to kiss his chubby cheeks. Neteyam is next to you, so you pick up the baby for him to give him a kiss too. Neteyam gives him a kiss and this causes a tender noah't smile. He is already on your chest, laying his head down to fall asleep. "We fed him fruit and played with him a lot" says tuk excitedly. "I see they put something in his hair too" you say, taking a closer look at the baby's new hair ornament. "Yes…that will bring him good luck" says kiri, as she lay down in her hammock. "Ahh yes, how?" asks neteyam, who is now examining the new object in his son's hair. "It's a good luck stone… relax" says neytiri, the woman was looking for various things for the meal. Kiri sticks his tongue out at his older brother and he copies the same gesture.

Neteyam bends, and comes up to your ear. "Ma y/n could we go to our home?" asks neteyam, you stroke your face a little on his cheek, handing him noah't and picking yourself up off the floor. Neteyam copies your movements. "Well…I guess we're leaving" jake is shocked usually you two stay up late with them. "why? you don't want dinner" jake gives neteyam a look, the boy gets a little nervous. "mmm no dad it's just that we are kind of tired" neteyam says shyly. Neteyam was still getting very nervous if he tried to confront his father. "but" jake starts to speak, but is interrupted by a laughing lo'ak. "Father…don't you see they want to be 'alone'" lo'ak speaks in a mocking voice. You laugh a little, you knew neteyam was tired, but you also knew his intentions. "ok….let's go" you start to push neteyam by the thighs, before he started to fight with lo'ak. All the family members say goodbye and you continue on your way to your hut.

You quickly arrived at your hut. Neteyam held noah't, and sat with him on the ground. It was still early to go to sleep, so you had to entertain him for a while before he fell asleep. Luckily for you, your son was a very quiet baby. You sit down next to neteyam, knowing he was acting strange, "Did something happen…between you and spider?" you ask. You could see his ears wiggle and his tail stiffen and start to wag slowly. "mmm I…nothing. Nothing happened" says neteyam. "Neteyam… you are lying to me" you question him. Neteyam sits with his legs crossed and his back straight. He looked like a little boy about to be scolded by his mother, it gave you a little tenderness. "I will tell you the truth" says neteyam. You look at him waiting for an answer. It couldn't be that serious. "I tried to kill spider…but we talked and now everything is fine" says neteyam, he talked as fast as he could so you wouldn't understand well, but boy did you. "You what!!! So the screams I heard were from spider" you raise your voice a little. "Ma y/n everything is fine…calm down" neteyam says, trying to calm you down. You had already gotten up from the ground, and you were right in front of him. It's not like you were very intimidating, even standing up. He looked bigger than you. "Why would you do something like that? Spider didn't do anything" you say. Neteyam looks down.

"I know…and that's why I regretted it. It wasn't right, I let my emotions guide me" he lowered his head in regret. Trying to do damage, and for no justifiable reason was not approved behavior in the omaticaya clan. It was a very passive clan. "Emotions…or jealousy?" you sputter, as you wait for neteyam to have something to say to you. But you only resent a 'mmm' and feel him tilt his head to your chest. You reach out to hug his head. "I don't want to know the reason for the situation…because I'm sure it's something stupid. But did you apologize to spider?" you ask. "Yes I did…spider is a good friend and he understood me" says neteyam, pressing his head on your chest. You stay for a while, stroking his scalp, and giving him a few kisses on the top of his hair. Until you feel someone tapping your foot. You look down, and see noah't raising his arms.

"Ahhh my precious baby…I love you too" you turn away from neteyam, to now sit on his lap. Placing noah't on your chest, you are sure he is very hungry. Neteyam settles in and hugs you. So that both of you are comfortable on his chest. "Why did you ask for spider's help, if I'm ready to do everything for you?" asks neteyam, while rocking in your arms. "You would have helped me care for and feed our father's enemy?" neteyam is silent, of course he wouldn't have. "Spider always does what I want" you speak in a mocking voice. "So you used him" you look up, neteyam had a smile on his lips. "Hey…don't say it like that. Yes…but I didn't mean it that way. He's my friend, that's all" you return to settle back on his chest.

After an hour, Noah wasn't very sleepy. So you put him in his hammock. A small hammock that his aunt kiri had made for him. "He looks so cute!!!" you give him a soft kiss on his cheeks, as you watch the baby settle in. You carefully close the curtain that separated the baby's space from the hut (for privacy) "Hey come here" says neteyam, he was sitting on the other side of the hut. Luckily for you your home was quite big, designed for a family of 5 people. You walk towards him, you see that he has some kind of cream in his hands. "What is it?" you watch as neteyam takes some out of the bottle, and takes your arm to apply it to your skin. "It's ngrr help for hybridization, and it smells great too" neteyam takes your arm, and sniffs the scent leaving a kiss. You laugh a little but let him continue what he is planning to do.

You stand in front of him, watch as he takes a generous amount in his hands and mixes it in his palms. Now he begins to massage it into your legs, his hands gently massaging your skin. You see how he is giving you a few looks, and he comes over to give you a kiss on your shoulder. As he continues to carefully massage your legs, he gently moves up from your calves to the back of your thighs and you feel him squeeze his hands. "They are so soft and plump" neteyam bites his lip and you giggle a little taking his face in your hands. "Hey…easy" you tease, as you feel his grip get tighter and he moves his hands to squeeze your ass. In one swift movement he pulls you closer to him, so that your hands are now around his neck. His hands now crawl to your crotch, to pull you up. You had reached his lips, pulling him closer to you to deepen the kiss, as he let out a few desperate moans, while his hands made quick work of your clothing.

In a matter of seconds your clothes were on the floor, while his hands touched any part of your body he could reach. He seemed so desperate for your touch, and there you could understand his behavior. "Are you?" you pull away a little from his lips, but he keeps leaving kisses on your jaw and breasts. "Neteyam… I" your voice is clipped as you feel his hands lift you off the ground. And he straddles you towards the hammock you both shared. Your back in cold material, as neteyam settled on top of you, leaving kisses on your breasts going down to your belly. "All mine…" was almost a whisper, almost to himself. Reminding himself that he was the only man who could take you like this.

Your legs spread intently, leaving him a clear path. Your hands travel to the top of his head to push him to where you needed him most. "Let's finish what we started this morning" says neteyam giving several bites on your lower belly, you lift your hips a little. You were a mess in little moans, he didn't know the effect he had on you. You thought he was a fool to think, that any man could stand a chance with you.

On the other hand…

Quaritch was sitting on the bed that mo'at had prepared for him. Well, it was more like where she settled anyone who came to ask for her help. He was feeling better, the medications and some stitches that Norm had given him had helped him a lot. He felt strange, he felt like he was in a completely new place, he was like a new person. Every hour that passed felt new to him. His legs were crossed, and now he was holding his tail, analyzing it. Mo'at on the other hand had been watching the man, norm and max had explained everything to her. To her it was watching a lost toddler.

"Careful with that tail…you don't want to hurt yourself" says mo'at. Quaritch quickly lets go of his tail. Mo'at is silent for a moment, until she begins to speak. Capturing the avatar's full attention. "Do you have a name?" the woman asks. She looks at the man who now had his ears lowered and his tail had stopped wagging. "Well…they call me quartch. But I like Miles better" Mo'at smiles a little. "Well Miles, how does it feel to wake up?" Miles settles more into his spot, and gets excited about the question. He'd been there all day, testing and listening to how he was someone else. But no one had ever asked him how he felt…until now. "I feel strange…but free" Miles says, Mo'at stands up and hands him a type of container that contained a drink. "I'm glad you found your home…Y/N wasn't wrong about you" mo'at says.

"Y/N…she where is she? I haven't seen her since I got here." Miles says. Mo'at could notice Miles' behavior to talk about you. Miles' ears perked up, his tail began to wag with excitement, and his eyes widened with interest. "I imagine she's with her mate…it's normal not to see couples this time of year," says mo'at, she knew better than to talk about her granddaughter's intimacy. But she wanted to set the record straight. " Time?" asks Miles, he doesn't understand much of the Navi language. "Mating season" says mo'at without any embarrassment. Miles nods his head, and she can see the redness on the tips of his ears. He didn't have to ask about you…of course you were with your mate. Who else would you be with. "Well get some rest…it's going to be a long day tomorrow," says mo'at getting up to leave the hut. The man stands there thinking, as he settled in. He had to get used to the idea that he wouldn't see you, he just wanted to tell you how grateful he was to you.

6:00 am

The entire sully family was gathered at mo'at's entrance, waiting for norm and max to arrive. They were going to talk to mo'at about the situation, now that they knew that Quaritch was going through his facet of being someone else. And that it wasn't going to hurt, they couldn't just take him out of the village. The poor guy didn't know how to defend himself, life in Pandora is not the same as in the military camp. Besides, you weren't going to let them take him out, you had put so much effort in taking care of him. "Well…what's taking so long?" says Neytiri. As she moves from side to side, you knew she was nervous. This was not a situation she liked, but she had to respect her mother's decision.

On the other hand, neteyam is sitting on a rock. He had his hands around your waist, pressing you to his chest. You could feel how nervous he was, just knowing that you were going to see this man was putting him in a bad mood. Spider slowly approached the group, he hadn't seen neteyam since yesterday. His head was down, and he walked straight towards you. You move a little away from neteyam, and take spider's hand to give him a hug. "Hey…are you okay? i heard about what happened yesterday" you say, looking quickly at neteyam. He laughs a little and waves to spider. "Yeah, I'm fine… nete and I set the record straight" spider laughs, and reaches out his hand to touch neteyam's shoulder. You intertwine your arms with spider's, at the same time norm and max arrive.

You all enter mo'at's hut, as you enter you can see how Miles is sitting next to mo'at. He was helping the woman, he looked so calm. He looked like a different person. You let go of spider's arms and move away from neteyam. And you run to Miles, hugging him by the neck. "Quaritch!!!" you speak cheerfully. The man wraps his arm around your back, laughing. "How are you little one?" speaks Miles. Everyone in the room was looking at you with surprise. The relationship you had created with Miles was very strong. Neteyam had already stepped forward beside you. Miles looks up, watching as your partner looks at him. He moves his hands away from your back. Jake and neytiri had sat down next to mo'at. The atmosphere is heavy, you could feel the breeze. Neytiri had her eyes on Miles, she leans over and takes your arm to pull you closer to her. You obey your mother and sit next to her. Neteyam follows you, while lo'ak and spider stand near the entrance. "Well… I'm glad you're all here," mo'at says.

"I've made up my mind, about this man" mo'at relays a smile to Miles. Jake was about to speak, but the woman raises her hand. "shhh" neytiri says. Your father could be the great jakesully, a strong warrior. But if your mother said to shut up, he does it without thinking.

"I have decided to keep him with us" says mo'at. "Mother!!!!" yells neytiri, getting upset as she lifted herself a little from her seat. Neteyam followed in her mother's footsteps, as did jake. Meanwhile spider and lo'ak were left in a state of shocked. You try to calm your family, but they all ignore you. It's not like you can do much surrounded by giants. "Grandmother…but this man is dangerous" says neteyam. "Neteyam!!!" you take his hand, making him sit up. Miles' eyes meet yours for a moment, you could see those words hurt him. The avatar in front of them, was someone else. But he didn't blame anyone.

"HE WILL STAY HERE! We will help him to adapt…to live with us. I have spoken!" says mo'at. Your grandmother was very upset, she was looking straight at Jake and Neytiri. Norm and max had taken it upon themselves to explain everything to mo'at. She knew the right thing to do was to help him, and let him be part of the clan. Of course, he had to earn the trust of the clan. Everyone in the hut is silent for a long time. Neytiri stands up and looks at MILES. "If you do…the slightest harm to my family. I will kill you again with my own hands" you stand up and take her hand. "Mom calm down…don't be like this" you try to reassure her. Jake could be calmer than your mother, she couldn't control her motherly instincts…in that hut were her children. And they were saying that the man who had done so much damage to their family was going to be part of the clan.

After some discussion, various things. How Miles should behave, and what he should do to gain the trust of the clan. The whole family gets up and leaves the mo'at hut. Only Spider, neteyam and you stayed behind. "Y/N… I am proud of you. Your skills have grown so much" says mo'at caressing your face. You get up from the ground, and sit next to Miles. "ahhhh I am happy for you, how do you feel?" you speak. You felt strange talking to him. Days ago he was the soldier you once knew, and now he was a whole new man. You were glad to know that you had had a big impact on his memories, because he still remembered you.

"I'm…I'm happy. But confused" Miles speaks, his ears move back. You can hear spider's sarcastic laugh. You look up and make a face at spider. Spider walks over and sits down next to neteyam, who hasn't taken his eyes off Miles at any point. The two men were sure of something, they had to keep an eye on you at all times. They knew that from now on you were not going to leave his side. "Spider…I think you could help Y/N. Miles needs a lot of help" says mo'at, who was sitting next to you. "And so do you neteyam" mo'at chuckles a little.

Before the two boys could complain, mo'at starts talking. "Yes…you two are going to help Y/N. And I don't want you to be complaining" mo'at says. You chuckle a little, as you adjust a piece of Miles' outfit. He looks at you and gives you a shy smile. "Don't worry… you'll get used to it. And everyone will accept you" you say, smiling.

"Let's see" says neteyam in a low voice, just so spider can hear him. "Yes, I doubt it will come so easily to him," says spider. They both have their arms crossed, you watch them. Could they stop judging him, and understand that miles is not the person who once created the RDA.

Noah't aunts : @st4rrry @valeriinee @inutheangel @gielrmn @sloppierjewel @purple7theparty @itscheybaby @ssc7514 @namorslit @ducks118 @tpwkstiles @elli-aesthetics @nao-cchi @uselessbutinteresting @msjae @austynparksandpizza @gamorxa @andyyy4444 @itssomeonereading @meivap @barbii04 @mm-nope @dorck26 @nessrin @purple7theparty @ssc7514 @sloppierjewel @yeosxxx @legendleopard100 @pandoragalora @jayzes-blog @ducks118 @kyriekurokami @heesoftiefreak @teamanime @d4rno @dumb-fawkin-bitch-bitch @burdeningbitch @allsouls-emma @aceofheartzzz @famousbagelhandspurse @fanficblogs @lilyofthetigers @mjnij @laylasbunbunny

@cherrywinesab @sloppierjewel @bubbleguppy0315 @ellielovesrobinarellano @mrs-sullys-blog @lovekeeho @vectoriscommitingcrimes @kimtaehussy @bimbotinkerbell @aceofheartzzz @d4rno @3okutos-3ig-toe @bxnnywriting @anarcoirisgatuno @allsouls-emma @luna-ann @vivendominhahistorias @neteyamsgirll @yeosxxx @naynay2808

@neytirisgf @meivap @gamorxa @nuttyrebelflower @lovelyygirl8 @allenparkermin03 @lucero-ksb-blog @neteyamforlife @btslovergirl12 @nuttyrebelflower @artologia-blog1 @sloppierjewel @queen-dk @kurtisamazing @lovekeeho @rebeccao03 @mikeyswifie @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @lu-the-ghost-reader @liluvtojineteyam @vaishureader @rebeccao03 @myh3artttt @pandoramyst @lu-the-ghost-reader

If there is any problem with the tags, let me know and I will try to fix it as quickly as possible. tag list is open, just let me know *3*//

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lily-blue · 4 months

Text

I look at you like you're perfect for me

☆ characters: half-dark elf!theo & you ☆ genre: dark fantasy au, soulmate au ☆ warnings: mention of blood, violence and death, manipulation, slight mention of self-hatred ☆ summary: having a soulmate sounds like a fairy tale, doesn’t it? too bad that yours could have been easily written by one of grimm brothers or the queen of dark fairy tales, @dat-town herself ☆ words: 11,2k ☆ also: just like every year, this soulmate au was written for my own soulmate, kathy ♥ the tenth year of our friendship brought along a lot of changes; and i’m immensely happy to know that there is no such thing in our relationship as too much distance between the two of us. thank you for sticking by my side through all these years, starting from my super awkward high school years, and please, stay with me for five times this many (and even more) ♥

There had been a time when you had hated yourself for being born the way you were: without magic. However, shortly after your twentieth birthday, when the Dark Elves came knocking on your door, this rare deficiency - that less than one hundredth percent of the population had the misfortune to experience -, was what allowed you to survive when your village went up in smoke. You see, your people lived in one of the most lavish and dense forests of the Northern Kingdom. Even with magic running through your community’s veins, you stood no chance against the flames. Many died before they could have even thought about running.

Not that abandoning their roots helped a lot of people. Because the Dark Elves were ruthless just as the stories suggested and killed everyone who bumped into them on their way towards the border of your village. Gender or age… neither of those mattered. Once they sensed your spiritual core, the magical energy deep in your soul, there was a target on your back and their soldiers never missed aim.

The bile was burning your throat when you heard yet another body fall on the ground with a loud thud a few steps from behind you, but you willed yourself and kept running. This time the screams were louder; they came from a lot closer and it terrified you. The implication that you would be the next.

However, that arrow, you were so sure was meant to pierce through your heart, never came. It was as though they couldn’t see you. As though you were completely invisible in the open while people who tried their best to lay low lost their lives due to their stalling. You couldn’t grasp what was happening around you, but to be honest, you didn’t have time or spare energy to ponder over the reasons and theories. You needed to get as far from the chaos as possible before your weak legs gave up.

You had never been too athletic. You were driven by your sheer will to survive.

You weren’t sure how long it would take to get away from the stomach-churning screams and the distinct sound of wood burning; however, you had to be a lot deeper in the forest than you had ever been in because the awaited sense of safety didn’t embrace you as soon as you entered the realm of Mother Nature. You had to keep running. You had to keep moving forwards even when your feet hurt and your lungs begged for a break.

You didn’t stop until your body was physically incapable of moving. And then… Then, you crawled behind a thick trunk to placate your aggressively beating heart.

The Sun was already peeking through the trees by the time you more or less managed to regulate your breathing and came up with a semi-well-thought-out plan. Obviously, as much as you wanted to see your family, you couldn’t have just gone back to your village to look for other survivors. You didn’t have any weapon on you to fight your way though an army, any experience in close combat other than those playful fist fights you had occasionally had with your neighbors or magic to rely on against other magical creatures. If the Dark Elves were still around, you would have died the moment you set foot in your home.

However, your chances might not have been that horrible if you hadn’t been alone. If you had had other people backing you up while fighting back against the Dark Elves. Therefore, what your next move should have been was clear: you had to find the nearest village and see what was going on there. Had they been spared by the monsters who had chosen the most peaceful moment of the night to destroy your home? Had they been already slaughtered? Would they have been the next victims of their conquest?

Either way, you had no time to waste.

So despite the tiredness in your bones that became more significant after the adrenaline left your body and the minor injuries you had obtained during your escape, you pushed yourself into a standing position and headed east. You had never visited any of the neighboring farms and villages before, but you were a regular at the market, so you had met many vendors from the area. You had heard stories about their families, about their lifestyles and homes, hence you knew where to start looking for people who might have actually been willing to lend you a helping hand. There should have been hunters on the other side of this forest who would have felt for you and your family. They were more empathetic than lone farmers around the western regions.

Following the Sun, grateful for its guidance, it was easier to disregard the pain in your feet, caused by the cuts and bruises on your bare soles, than you would have initially thought. You had never been a warrior, after all. What wasn’t easy to shut out, however, was the grumbling of your stomach and the feeling of emptiness in your gut. When was the last time you had eaten? You were pretty sure you hadn’t skipped dinner last night, so why? Why was your body demanding food so desperately while numbing the pain?

Your mind was switching between daydreaming about your mother’s roasted sweet potatoes and the pictures of your loved ones falling on the cold ground like sacks of rice, hence in no time, you felt like you could have thrown up the minute your mouth touched anything edible. You were so damn hungry, but all the death and suffering that lingered in your mind made it hard to digest that you were still alive. Why were you still alive?

Your steps faltered then came to an immediate stop when the unmistakable sound of horses trotting somewhere in front of you registered in your brain. Your heart was in your throat as you looked around in panic, trying to find a place where you could have hidden. A bush that was dense enough to hide your figure, a hollow in one of the thicker trees, a branch low enough for you to use as leverage, so that you could climb on the top. Something. Anything.

In the end, you did come across a branch that you could reach on your tiptoes, so you quickly ran towards it and used your momentum and the sturdy trunk underneath your feet to aid your above-the-average muscles. You pulled yourself up on the tree and hugged the trunk in hope of blending into your surroundings.

A voice inside of your head - a gentle yet teasing tone akin to your beloved older sister’s - scolded you for breathing too loudly and staring in the direction of possible danger, so you swallowed down your fears, willed your body to comply and closed your eyes like your father had taught you during the first and last hunt he had taken you on. You remembered how ridiculous he had sounded to you when he had told you and Nobara that every creature could feel it when they were being watched. You, for that matter, had never experienced such a thing during any of your hide-and-seeks with your friends, but your sister had paid a lot of attention to your father’s instructions, so you had mimicked her serious expression.

Despite your best efforts, your father had never taken you on a hunt after that one occasion. For months, you had been sulking, convinced that it had been because he could have seen the skepticism in your eyes. Later, your sister had told you that he had only been worried about you because at that moment he had realized that you truly couldn’t sense other creatures’ watchful eyes without magic.

Life without magic had always sucked.

The tingles came unexpectedly. At first, it was as though tiny needles were pricking on your skin, but later, as your rational thoughts resurfaced, you realized that was hardly possible. So you thought the sensation came from tiny insects creeping under your clothes, and you prayed that they weren’t poisonous. You were without your loved ones, you felt miserable for sure, but that didn’t mean you wanted to follow them to the afterlife in case they were already six feet under.

You gulped and resisted the urge to lift your hand and scratch your nape. You willed yourself not to open your eyes.

However, as the seconds ticked by, it became significantly harder to stay still. You had never been a hyperactive person - you loved spending time at home, helping your mom and reading in the barn or on the field -, but at that moment, there was this slowly growing urge inside of you that made you want to reveal your hiding place. It encouraged you to climb off the tree, and it scared you how your nails had to dig into the trunk consciously, so that you wouldn’t have given in to this irrational temptation.

‘Keep heading west. I’ll catch up with you,’ you could hear one of the riders send away the rest, making you wonder what his reason could have been for both staying behind and staying alone without any backup.

You wanted to sneak a peek at him so much. Your hands were trembling as you held onto the tree desperately. What was wrong with you? Deluding yourself into thinking that you were out of harm’s way just because he was alone was the worst thing you could have done. This rider could have easily been one of those who had attacked your village the previous night.

Your arms jerked and your hands let go of the trunk when something big and warm landed on your shoulder. You could have pinpointed the exact moment you lost your footing and your body fell forwards, then towards the cold ground underneath.

You could phantom the pain that was surely about to come with the collision, but you did not feel the crash. Instead, your bare feet touched the grass gently like you had been floating on your way down and your balance was supported by two strong arms that enveloped your torso. Those palms that appeared on your hips were big and warm. Familiar in a way you had a hard time to explain.

‘Aren’t you gonna open your eyes, little one?’ The same rider asked you with a pinch of playfulness to his voice that immediately disarmed you despite your better judgment. A part of you was still aware that you knew nothing about this person. Your concerns and worries and fears were still there, somewhere in the back of your head. They just didn’t seem to reach you when you needed your survival instincts, your defenses the most.

Why else would you have called him out on the nickname he had chosen for you instead of on how he had sneaked up on you and endangered your life.

‘I’m not little,’ you sulked, linking your arms in front of your chest, which later you realized was only proving him right. You acted like a little girl, but you couldn’t have decided whether it had been already too late to back out. Should you have held your chin higher or let your arms fall back by your sides?

Indecisive, you let your body posture stay the way it was, but stopped pouting to lessen the spoiled brat attitude.

‘U-hum,’ the lone rider hummed out, taunting you with a pout similar to the one you had just abandoned and simultaneously urging you to fight back. However, you didn’t have any good retort and even if you had had any, the words would have stuck in your throat the moment your eyes met his ash gray orbs. He looked breathtakingly beautiful.

Inhuman.

‘Like what you see, little one?’ The rider teased, and that alone would have earned a scoff from you if you had been able to close your mouth while you were taking in his appearance.

The boy didn’t look older than twenty-three; his complexion was pale as though his face was lit up by the Moon even in daylight. He had fair hair that fell into his face and ears as sharp as needle ice. He was an elf. There was no question about it and yet, your feet made no attempt at putting the well-needed distance between you two.

‘Are you without a horse?’ His more reasonable question pulled you out of your head and you nodded on instinct, although admitting that you had no means getting away from him might have been a mistake.

It seemed like you were making one poor decision after another in this stranger’s company. Who was he anyway? And why did it feel like he was someone important to you whom you should have kept close?

‘Are you heading west?’

‘East,’ the truth fell from your lips easily as if you weren’t in control of your own actions, and in a world where magic was more common than people without power, the possibility shouldn’t have been brushed off as quickly as you had just done so. It was just… as soon as the thought could have formed in your mind, your heart rejected it without hesitation.

‘Do you mind if I take you to the nearest village? The forest isn’t the safest place right now,’ the rider reasoned and a part of you wanted to ask how he knew that the area was dangerous, but before you could have parted your lips, he had already taken your silence as a permission to touch you.

The boy’s palm was warm against your skin; his fingers fit around your wrist like a bracelet. Your body followed him towards his horse with minor protest. You didn’t come back to your senses until you were standing in front of the mighty animal and your company took his hand off you to fix the saddle, so the horse could carry the both of you.

‘I… I didn’t say that I’d go with you.’ You took a step backwards. You still didn’t sound too eager to turn your back on him, but it was a baby step towards the right direction.

Why did you have to remind yourself that you didn’t know him? You knew that you had no idea who he was and what his intentions were with you. You were completely in the dark regarding his reason for sending the rest of his group away and you were also unaware whether he had known about your presence when he had done that.

Not to mention that he was an elf. That in itself should have been a good enough reason for you to run in the opposite direction. Yet, you stood in one place, with your chin held up high. Your breath hitched when your eyes met for the second time.

‘You didn’t say you don’t want me to take you there, either,’ the elf exclaimed, his smug grin both annoying and charming - a thought you would have liked to bury deep in your mind, so you could have never accidentally blurted it out. ‘You want to stay here alone?’

You didn’t. You didn’t want to be alone.

‘You’re an elf. My village has been destroyed by elves,’ you forced the words through your gritted teeth as you simultaneously fought the tears in your eyes. You shouldn’t have shown weakness in front of a stranger. You shouldn’t have cried and mourned your family when you hadn’t known for sure that they were gone. They might have made it. Just because your sister had told you to run and she had stayed behind, it didn’t mean that she had failed to find a way out of the chaos.

You didn’t notice that you had balled your fists or that your arms were trembling due to your frustration and anger until your eyes fell on the rider’s face and you noted that he was staring at your hands. You relaxed your fingers immediately.

‘Did I destroy your village?’ He asked a tad tentatively and you gulped when you picked up on the sadness in his voice. You hadn’t meant to offend him. Yet, it was hard to convince yourself that if he had seen the shoe fit, it had been absolutely on him.

You felt like an asshole.

‘I mean… I don’t know for sure,’ you mumbled under your nose, looking at everything but him, so the unexpected tightness in your chest would have eased up a little. ‘Did you?’

The rider scoffed, but didn’t call you out on the bluntness of your question or the rudeness of the implication behind your words. Instead, he took a step further from his horse to encourage you to climb on the animal.

You bit into your cheek from the inside, waiting.

‘I’ve just arrived from the east with my group,’ he stated, his words aligning with what you had seen and heard mere minutes ago. The noises had indeed come from that direction, while your home had been located in the opposite way. Even on horseback, it sounded unreasonable that they would have taken such a huge detour just to get ahead of you and fool you.

Without magic, you were no match for their kind.

You looked down at your bare feet littered in cuts and bruises, then shifted your gaze to the horse. It would have been a lie to say it wasn’t tempting; however, letting the elf take you to anywhere was really the good choice?

‘Are you a dark elf?’ Another blunt question, another wave of guilt that washed over you the moment the last word had left your mouth. Since when had you been so concerned about a stranger’s feelings when your safety was at risk? He could have been as easily related to the monsters who had killed your people as…

‘I’m a half-elf.’

You sank your teeth deeper into your flesh. The pain in your body had been bearable before. Your feet had been numb and your wounds superficial. You could have made it to the other side of the woods on your own. A part of you was even determined to do so, so why… Why were your feet dragging you towards the horse?

‘Good girl,’ the rider complimented you when you climbed on the horse on your own, then got on the animal behind you, keeping you stable with his arms around your body.

You swallowed down your nerves.

You tried to swallow down your nerves.

Surprisingly, the journey towards the closest village was spent in calming silence. The only sounds breaking the tranquility were one of Mother Nature: the light breeze playing with the withering leaves, the foliage getting crushed underneath the horse’s hoofs, mosquitos and other insects buzzing into your ears.

In hindsight, you should have picked up on the telltale signs and known that something was really, really wrong when no birds or squirrels came out of their nests, but you weren’t as experienced as your other family members were when it came to the neighboring forest. So obviously, it hit you in the face when you arrived at your destination and it was also burned to the ground, just like your home. If it hadn’t been for the half-elf, you would have fallen off the horse due to the shock that shook you up quite badly. Just a week ago, you had been talking to this old man from this village at your market, promising him to buy an extra sack of potatoes from him if he introduced you to his grandson.

Now, they might have been both dead.

‘Hey, where are…’

The rider’s question didn’t register in your mind as you jumped off the horse and ran in a random direction, calling for survivors and looking for anyone who might have needed your help. It took you less than twenty steps to bump into the first half-burnt corpse and seven lifeless bodies in total to find the old man.

Overwhelmed, you didn’t realize how much the sight affected you until your knees hit the ground beside the man and your head crushed into a firm bundle of muscles, albeit less roughly.

The last thing you heard was the rider’s voice before your brain shut itself down.

Later, when you woke up, your wounds were dressed in clean textile and your head was put on something soft that gave enough support to your neck to not be in pain despite the hours you might have spent sleeping on the ground. It had been still pretty early when you had reached the other side of the forest; however, based on the blinding sunlight that shone down on you at a sharp angle from the sky, now, it had to be way into the afternoon.

What had happened while you had been out? Had there been any survivors? And where were you exactly anyway?

Where was the ri…

‘Good morning, sweetheart,’ a distinctly familiar, deep voice greeted you, and you made the mistake of trying to get in a sitting position as soon as possible to look at the half-elf, letting out an involuntary whine in the process. Hell. The middle of your forehead was throbbing; you felt so dizzy as if you had a head injury. Had you gotten hit on the head or something? You seriously couldn’t remember.

Your confusion must have been written on your face, because the next thing you knew, the rider crouched down in front of you and picked up a torn textile from the floor. Then, he rinsed it in a bowl of water and pushed you on your back, placing it back on your forehead.

‘You accidentally hit your head when I put you down, so that I could look for something to eat,’ he explained with an apologetic smile, the expression making it obvious even for your smashed brain that it hadn’t been you, per se, who had hit your head, but him who had been too careless.

You didn’t call him out on his wording, though. Mostly, because he had carried you to a safe place and stayed with you regardless of being strangers. In spite of your rude questions and open distrust. He hadn’t been obliged to protect you after you had accused him of killing your loved ones, but he had still done so. To you, this spoke volume.

‘Would it help if I told you my name?’

The question made no sense to you. Why would it have helped with anything if you had learned the rider’s name? And with what exactly did he think you needed help?

On the other hand, would knowing his name have made anything worse? You could have pretty much stopped referring to him as a rider and a half-elf in your head, which might have actually taken less out of your already drained brain power. Hence, you nodded (and hissed when it triggered yet another mini explosion behind your forehead). Ouch. That hurt.

‘Theo. My mom was a maid at the Light Elves’ Court in the south,’ he introduced himself, although the revelation that he was one of the creatures known as the least worse out of all monstrous magical beings did add to your guilt. He might not have been a good guy, either, but he wasn’t out there, killing thousands of innocents, either, and as bad as it sounded, that was already more you could have wished for.

So you told him your name in exchange and what had happened to your village the previous night, leaving out the teeny, tiny detail that the reason you could have run away was the lack of magic rushing through your veins. You didn’t have any proof.

Not to mention, saying that aloud could have still put you in danger - a voice akin to your mother’s warned you quietly.

After the most crucial pieces of information were shared and there was a semi-solid base that your acquaintanceship could have been built on, Theo brought up some lighter topics to ease the mood while you were munching on berries and rose apples. They might not have been as delicious as your mother’s kimbap rolls and chicken salad, but they were filling and that was all that mattered.

‘You should rest some more. I’ll stand guard,’ the rider reassured you and covered your upper body with his jacket before you could have protested. And you were grateful for him. You were grateful that he didn’t give any chance to your stubborn ass to claim you weren’t tired. Because you were. You were so exhausted, sleeping a couple more hours sounded exactly like what you needed.

‘Hn,’ you gave in with a low hum, enjoying the phantom touch of his fingertips against your skin and in your hair moments before you fell asleep.

Your initial plan to look for help at the nearest village, obviously, had been thrown out the window. However, it wasn’t like you could have just given up and not do anything. You had to find your family - or at least their remains if that was all that was left of them - and you couldn’t have possibly done that alone. You still needed people. You still needed survivors. Warriors. Anyone with weapons and will to kick elf asses.

You also needed a companion. And Theo was offering his help to you on a silver plate like he had nothing better to do despite those elves he had sent ahead - those elves he had promised to catch up with - right before your encounter. It was weird but appreciated, and you weren’t exactly in the position to look the gift horse in the mouth.

Thus, you made a deal: he would stay with you until you found a village that was spared by these monsters and in exchange, you promised to tell him those details he knew you had left out of your story about the massacre. It sounded like giving out nothing for everything, but you guessed, everyone had different values. What wasn’t valuable to you might have been a treasure to someone else.

You got on horseback a day after you had woken up after fainting from overstimulation and traveled from village to village just to meet more destruction than you had ever seen in your life. Honestly, before the night you had been separated from your family, you couldn’t have even imagined something so brutal. The fire wasn’t even the worst part. It was the smell of roasted flesh and the sight of those personal belongings that had somehow survived. The first time you had seen a pile of ash next to a half-burned doll, you had been crying for minutes for a child you had known nothing about.

Losing hope was too easy. It took you no longer than a week of constant failure and you felt like you didn’t have it in you to keep going. What was the use? You had gotten further and further from your home and still had no army that could have challenged the elves. Not to mention how hard it had become to work up an appetite with the stink of death in your pores, your hair and your clothes even after taking a bath in a stream or lake (depending on what the two of you came across in the afternoons). In short, there was no use and you had no energy to start a fight.

A magicless one-man-army had no business to start a war. It would have made no difference if you had just given yourself up. In fact, that might have been less embarrassing.

‘What’s making you so conflicted? Your forehead is all wrinkly.’ Theo sat down by the fire beside you, his rough fingertips trying to smooth out the furrows on your forehead, around your eyes and between your eyebrows. You pressed your lips together to suppress a whine. It was exhausting, thinking and talking about your feelings. They were so negative and draining these days.

You let out a sigh, watching over the fish you were roasting on wooden sticks.

‘Do you think what we’re doing is useless? As far as we know, the Dark Elves could rule the whole kingdom by now,’ you voiced out your second biggest fear, too scared to bring up the possibility of your family’s death. Talking about that would have made it real and a stubborn part of you refused to believe they hadn’t made it.

Could there have been a safe haven out there somewhere for those who had survived? Were there others trying to accomplish the same goal as you, albeit with more success?

‘I’m pretty sure we’d know about it if they took control over the whole kingdom, sweetheart. Don’t worry your pretty head about them. Let’s concentrate on finding an unaffected village,’ he slid his fingers to your jawline, tapping on your cheek once, twice, three times before he pulled your head against his chest.

Instead of complaining, you buried your nose into his loose shirt, sniffing his characteristic, musky scent that made you feel safe. You wanted him to be right so much.

‘I don’t know what I would do without you,’ you mumbled under your nose when the silence stretched too long, giving in to the urge to close your eyes and get lost in his closeness. The warmth of Theo’s body enveloped you like a fluffy blanket on an unforgivingly cold winter night.

‘You would be just fine,’ the rider insisted, and you appreciated his faith in you, even though a voice in your head insisted that the only reason he said this was how little he knew about you. He had no idea that under the pseudo-confident, stubborn facade you were weak. You had been born weak and being sheltered by your entire village, you had never gotten the chance to grow strong.

You didn’t even know which berries were edible in the woods.

‘I really wouldn’t,’ you admitted defeatedly, closing your eyes and taking a few shallow breaths as an attempt to gather enough courage to speak the truth. If Theo had really meant what he had said, that meant he hadn’t yet figured out that you couldn’t have backed him up in a fight in case you had come across danger. It wasn’t fair to him that you kept him in the dark. ‘I don’t have any magic. Nothing. I was born without an ounce of magic in my body.’

You wished you could have taken back your words as soon as they fell from your chapped lips. It scared you, the rider’s non-verbal reaction: his arms coming up around your torso and pulling you impossibly close. Why wasn’t he saying anything? You needed him to say it, to say something, even if that something was a scolding or a series of profanities.

‘Theo?’ You tried to pull away to be able to look him in the eyes, but his hold on you was too strong, and you barely managed to tilt your head backwards to at least see a bit of his jawline. It didn’t seem tense, which gave you hope that maybe, maybe his silence didn’t mean that he was angry with you. Your confession must have rendered him speechless, that was all.

You bit into your lower lip, counting to ten, fifteen, thirty in your head before you decided that enough was enough. You needed him to come back to the present instead of stucking in his head.

‘You know…’ you started, not quite sure what you could have said that would have made the situation better. ‘I might be a deadweight, but I think you make me stronger, so it’s not like it’s as bad as it sounds,’ you explained, playing with open cards as you should have done from the beginning. Or well, from the day you had made that deal about staying together.

At that point, you were so worried about what could have been going through the half-elf’s head that you got a tad taken aback when he gave you enough space to look up at him from a more comfortable angle.

‘What do you mean?’ He asked, confusion written all over his face, which would have made you giggle if the tightness in your chest hadn’t been so suffocating. Should you have told him everything or only a fragment of the odd things you had experienced in his closeness these past few days? Would he have believed you if he had heard the truth or deemed you crazy and left without a second thought?

You gulped, your throat suddenly resembling parchments. It was time to tear off the bandaid, wasn’t it? You had simply said too much to back out.

You gulped another time to steal a couple of seconds in which you pathetically failed to put yourself back together, but it was fine. At least, you told yourself that you would have been fine if he had just packed up and left. Sure, it would have taken a lot of time, but you could have gone back to your village on your own and started the search all over again, going in a different direction.

‘I don’t really know how to explain it, but you remember the first time we met?’ You asked, absentmindedly fidgeting with his loose shirt. ‘I could feel your presence, and while I’m sure it’s not a big deal to you, to me… it was a first.’ Out of nervousness, you casted your eyes down, but didn’t stop talking. ‘The other day, when I was at the verge of a panic attack and you told me to calm down, my heart listened.’

You sounded crazy, deep down you knew you did. Because what you were describing was the bond that your parents shared, what your grandparents had shared when they had been still alive and what those who were blessed to have a soulmate shared. Although you lived in a world where magic was real, complete soulmate bonds were almost as rare as your kind. So to have one while not possessing the ability to practice magic, it was unfathomable.

You wouldn’t have blamed Theo if he had thought you had lost it. Because what you were implying included things you obviously hadn’t experienced, only had heard from stories. For example, the reason why your parents always knew when the other person was in danger, felt happy or needed a hug. Soulmates, after all, shared feelings and had the ability to comfort each other without as much as touching or being in the same room.

‘What? You say I’m your soulmate?’ The boy teased and it would have been a lie to say his lighthearted question didn’t hurt. Was it that unbelievable that you could have been destined for each other?

Well… it wasn’t like you were a hundred percent sure about it, either, but still. Was his soft chuckle necessary?

Whether it was your sour facial expression and pouty lips or something more special, Theo seemed to be able to sense your bitterness and cupped your cheeks with his hands. He looked you in the eyes for long enough to make you feel shy and with that, to make you surrender. As a soft whine escaped your mouth, you leaned forwards and buried your face in the crook of his neck where he let you hide.

‘You’re cute,’ he mumbled against the crown of your head, nosing your hair as he slid his hand back on your waist. You stayed like that for a few moments, soaking in the silence, but not as long as you would have preferred.

If you had done that, the fish would have definitely burned to ashes on your wooden sticks and you would have both been left without food for the rest of the night. There was no way Theo could have caught more of them so late at night even if he was an amazing hunter and a determined provider for the two of you.

And if you had hated your dinner for stealing the half-elf’s embrace from you, you made sure your body language didn’t show it. Which meant, the only way Theo could have known it was if he had been indeed your soulmate. And that was impossible, wasn’t it?

It was time you stopped believing in fairy tales. Miracles didn’t happen to people like you.

It had been around a month that you had run away from the surprise attack that had destroyed your home, and you had yet to come across a village that would have been willing (or able) to help you fight the Dark Elves. With the help of Theo, you had successfully worked through each and every one of your episodes; nowadays, you didn’t feel frustration when your eyes fell upon half-destroyed houses and corpses that had turned unrecognizable after the vultures had had their feast. You still felt sadness, of course you did, but not to the point of breaking down and it might have been a small step to an outsider, but to you, it was another proof that the half-elf’s presence made you stronger.

You were convinced that there wasn’t anything you couldn’t have overcome while he was near you.

However, to your misfortune, the rider couldn’t be near you all day every day. For example, he was in charge of hunting for food and looking for water and your company slowed down both of those processes. As it had turned out, your incapability to sense life mixed with your loud footsteps turned you into a human-alarm for the animals in the area.

You were so focused on setting up the fire for the fish Theo had promised you for dinner that you were completely oblivious to the monster who appeared at the border of the forest you used as a potential hiding place in case of emergency.

You yelped when something sharp and pointy was held to your neck. The adamantine blade barely touched you, but you could feel your blood lazily dripping down your skin. How you got yourself in situations like this all the time, that was beyond you. All this time, you had been convinced that Dark Elves couldn’t have cared less about your existence and yet, here you were, about to be slaughtered by one.

You could only wish Theo wouldn’t come back to your makeshift camp before it was over; your heart ached just thinking of him getting killed because of you. Because you were so weak, you couldn’t have even used the woods to your advantage when the half-elf had told you a million times why it was smart to stay close to the trees. Why couldn’t you have done at least this one thing right on your own?

‘Where is he?’ The monster groaned into your ear, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin right under your ear. You didn’t like the fact that he was talking to you. It felt humiliating, like he was playing with his food as you were pretty sure he didn’t intend to let you go once you answered his question.

You choked on your saliva when the elf grabbed your hair and pulled your head backwards. His blade grazed your neck and with that, left another wound behind, only a few inches under the first one. It was deeper, bled more, but your loose shirt soaked up the blood diligently.

‘I asked you a question,’ the monster spat, forcing you to look him in his sharp, silver eyes. His skin had the same glow as Theo had, but in his case, pretty and beautiful were the last things on your mind when you tried to read his facial expressions. ‘Where. Is. H—’

You didn’t realize you were screaming until a pair of strong arms pulled you away from the dark elf and familiar, calloused palms cupped your cheeks, redirecting your focus. With utmost gentleness, Theo wiped away your tears and pressed his lips against your forehead, not letting you go.

‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart,’ he mumbled against your skin right before he pulled away and assessed your injuries. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he repeated, sliding his right palm on the cuts on your neck tentatively.

Theo’s magic coursed through you; however, it didn’t hurt like it did when your neighbors’ son used his power on you, nor did it resemble a strike of electricity such as when your sister healed your wounds. The half-elf’s magic was warm like a blanket. It not only took care of your injuries, but also comforted your soul.

Admittedly a little light-headed, you let Theo pull your head against his firm chest and keep you there while you were looking out of your head. Somewhere in the back of your head, you knew that there had to be a dark elf nearby, or at least the remains of such a creature. Slowly but surely you could recall the knife that had pierced through the monster’s abdomen while you had been still held at blade point. The main reason you had been screaming hadn’t been the shock, but the pain you had felt in your side…

You dragged your hand to the area that you remembered should have been in pain and pulled away from Theo in panic when you could feel the hole in your shirt. You looked down and saw that the fabric was red. Yet, when your fingers finally sneaked under the textile, they touched nothing but smooth skin. You furrowed your brow in confusion.

‘How?’

‘I healed it. There was no other way, but I healed it as soon as I had you in my arms,’ the boy claimed and you looked up at him, lips parted in wonder.

Maybe, you should have been mad at him for putting your life at risk without hesitation. The old you would have definitely screamed anyone else’s head off for less than this and still, as you looked into his worried eyes, that were desperately searching for forgiveness, you reached out to his face and smiled up at him.

‘Thank you. For saving me,’ you whispered like a secret and brushed a silly, stubborn mop of hair behind his ear at the same time he did the same to you. It made you giggle despite the horrific happenings and upon hearing your laugh, Theo’s eyes lit up like a birthday cake.

With what had you deserved someone like him in your life?

With what had you deserved to be alive in the first place?

‘I’ll always save you,’ the rider declared, pulling you in his lap. It was then that you actually noticed you had been both sitting in the dirt all along. It was also the first time that your gaze fell on your attacker’s corpse lying behind Theo mere meters away from you. You pressed your chin into his shoulder and shut your eyes. The whimper that escaped your mouth was unintentional. ‘Shh. I won’t let anyone take you away from me. I promise you. No one can hurt you.’

You wanted to say thank you over and over again. You also wanted to reassure him that you knew you could trust him with your life and today’s happenings hadn’t planted any doubt about him in your mind. He had saved you; how he had done it, what path he had chosen did not affect your opinion. You had long made peace with how cruel the world really was. You couldn’t have afforded to see it only in black and white anymore.

‘Theo…’ The plea that broke out from your throat sounded pathetic even to you, but the rider didn’t seem to mind it or find it as ridiculous as you did.

No, when he put his index finger under your chin and encouraged you to open your eyes, all you could see was determination on his face. You assumed he wanted to prove it to you that he meant every world. He hardly had any other reasons to look so hell-bent at that moment. Maybe the way you phrased your reassurance hadn’t been as fierce as you had intended it to be. It might have come out hesitant due to your shock.

‘I mean it. You know why?’ You didn’t know why, but you didn’t shake your head, nor did you voice out your confusion. Of course, you had assumptions such as the deal you two had made, but somehow, saying out loud that you were a contract to him felt so wrong. Especially after he had saved you from a dark elf instead of looking in the other direction. ‘Because I care about you,’ he confessed, casting a metaphorical spell on you with how he wetted his lips after the last word fell from them.

You couldn’t look away. You couldn’t move. But if you wanted to be honest, you didn’t want to either. Especially when Theo destroyed the distance between your lips slowly albeit steadily, and you could taste yourself on his tongue as he licked into your mouth with ease. The kiss you shared wasn’t eager. He didn’t rush you or push you too hard. He let the moment drag out, then allowed your lungs to fill themselves with fresh air before he dived in once more.

Your lips tingled by the time you stopped kissing and your heart was dangerously close to an explosion. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought something wasn’t quite right with the heightened reaction it pulled out of you, but you were aware that it was merely the consequence of your inexperience. You had never been kissed before; but you were glad that Theo could be your first. Your second and third.

You lost count of how many times he captured your lips before your stomach demanded some of his attention, too, and reminded both of you of the fish he had promised you.

That night, the half-elf called your lips his dessert when the dinner was gone.

A lot changed after that day; meanwhile, it felt as though you came across the same, hopeless sight whenever you stumbled upon an area that should have been populated: piles of ashes, half-burned houses, death. You didn’t know how it was possible that every time you chose a direction, you ended up at a dead end; however, you couldn’t deny what was right in front of you. You couldn’t deny the lack of survivors and all that misery.

‘Maybe we should go back west?’ You asked after you arrived at another abandoned village. You admitted, you hadn’t been thinking about your family that much nowadays, but the sight of what was undoubtedly a hunter’s hut reminded you of your father, and your longing for him, your mother and Nobara returned with great intensity.

Why were you still marching towards the eastern border when you had wanted to turn back a week ago? Did you have any reason to believe that they had come so far from your home without you?

‘We should go east like we agreed on,’ Theo protested, and while his voice was gentle and the kiss he pressed against your lips light as a feather, something inside your chest felt tight as you nodded.

Oh. How could you have forgotten that you had agreed on that direction because of… What was your reason for heading east? There must have been a reason, a good one on top of that, otherwise, you wouldn’t have said yes. Why had you said yes? Suddenly, going east made no sense.

But then, Theo took your hand and pulled you towards his horse. He stole one more kiss from your lips before he helped you climb on the animal, and the two of you galloped in the previously agreed direction. East.

It took the doubtful voice inside your head a couple of miles to quiet down, but when it did, it became easy to lean into Theo’s body and let him guide you towards your next destination. If it hadn’t been for the dizziness you felt whenever you closed your eyes while riding his horse, you might have fallen asleep in his arms; his closeness was that soothing to you by that point. Or was it the soft melody he was humming into your ear that effortlessly calmed your nerves?

You wouldn’t have been surprised if your acceptance had been a result of both. Or the love confession that was oozing from every gesture he made.

The thought that something was really wrong with how pliant you were in the half-elf’s arms somehow didn’t cross your mind even when your eyes fell on the military camp near the eastern border. What you felt instead while you were getting closer and closer to the huge, black and silver tents was confusion. Did Theo not realize that these were the colors of the enemy? Of those creatures who had destroyed so much already and might not have planned to stop until your whole kingdom was in ashes.

At the first sight of actual dark elves in the area - a part of you hoped until the last moment that what you came across was an abandoned camp -, your body became tense and all you wanted to do was run away. However, with Theo’s arms around your petite body, it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. Couldn’t he see what you were seeing? Shouldn’t he have felt their presence?

‘Theo, I really don’t think we should keep going,’ you spoke up eventually, your voice barely above a whisper. ‘Maybe they haven’t seen us yet. It’s not too la—’

‘It’s okay, just calm down, sweetheart,’ he cut you off while simultaneously turning you into jelly with his hot breath fanning over the juncture between your neck and shoulder. Even though you pressed your lips together in mild frustration, your body immediately shrank to a smaller size, hence the rider’s chin on top of your head caged you in that much more.

You still felt safe in Theo’s closeness, but it was different somehow. With all those elves suddenly having their eyes on you, with the cogs in your brain spinning at a restless speed, you couldn’t put your finger on what was so off. After all, as far as you were concerned, fear and anxiety were natural reactions to danger. Then, it hit you: as you were helped down from Theo’s horse, your heart wasn’t at the verge of a panic attack. Why wasn’t your heart about to explode? You two had no chance against a smaller army of powerful magic users.

You had no way out now that so many of them were aware of your presence in their territory. Hell, you had walked into their camp like you had the right to be there.

You curled your fingers and let your nails dig into the soft flesh of your palms. Why was your heartbeat so slow?

You didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, though, because the next thing you knew was Theo’s calloused fingers in-between yours and a strong pull that demanded your attention. Oh. You were walking more into the camp.

‘Taeyang. It has been a while,’ a beautiful woman… No, a beautiful dark elf exclaimed with little to no enthusiasm, her gray eyes loitering over the rider for a couple of seconds before they fell on you. You gulped, and she dismissed you with a frown. ‘You have never shown up at the northern frontline. Is this your reason?’

This. Not you, not a human being, not even a magicless creature. This. The elf couldn’t have made it any more obvious that you were worth nothing to her.

You resisted the urge to take a step back and hid behind Theo’s back. Instead, you stayed still and quiet in hopes of not drawing too much attention, although it must have been too late already. The crowd around you was big enough; you honestly doubted there was anyone in the camp who wasn’t witnessing the happenings. The tense conversation between this beautiful woman and Th… Taeyang.

Why did this new name hurt you so much?

‘Only partly, my queen,’ Taeyang said as soon as he went down on one knee, leaving you exposed to the spectators and making you feel unprotected. Your hands were shaking, but not as much as they should have and your damned heart was still at ease as if it had been on a silly mission, trying to please the rider next to you. ‘She is a survivor of the massacres in the forest villages. No one other than me could feel her presence while we passed her by even though she is not good at hiding. This ability is a threat to our plans. I apologize. I had to investigate before sending words to you, my queen,’ the boy explained and his words should have crushed you, but you couldn’t feel the heartache as though your heart was incapable of anything else but remaining calm.

The woman gave you another once-over with a bit more interest this time.

‘She is still alive. Did you not find the answers?’ She inquired, her white locks falling into her face as she put her elbow onto the armrest of her chair and rested her chin on top of the back of her hand. She looked so bored while she was asking for the reason why you were still alive.

‘She means no threat, my queen. In fact, the reason why she managed to escape is that she is so insignificant, our kind completely dismisses her existence. There is not even a drop of magic in her body,’ the half-elf explained before he quickly added: ‘However, she is obedient. She is my slave now.’

‘Are you sure it’s not the other way around, Theo?’ Someone from the mass asked and it did not take too long before your eyes found the golden-haired dark elf who dared to interrupt the conversation between Taeyang and the unamused royalty. He radiated annoyance and pride as he walked up to your trio. ‘Because I saw you protecting this human and killing your kind. Like a lapdog, waiting for their owner’s treats and compliments for doing such a good job.’

The golden-haired elf scoffed and spat on the grass right in front of the rider’s feet.

‘I see.’ It was the queen talking, dismissing the second elf with a simple wave of her hand. If the circumstances had been different, you would have admired her for the power she held - up until that moment you hadn’t even known the Dark Elves had a female rules -, but the situation was everything you would have rather avoided and you had no respect for anyone who talked about human life the way she did. ‘Let’s see how important she is then.’

For the first time in hours, your heart skipped a beat in panic, and you wondered whether it was deliberate or if it was your own anxiety at all that you were experiencing. Why would your heart have suddenly decided to act up when it malfunctioned during this whole drama? If anyone, it should have been Taeyang who felt scared and jittery due to the woman’s vague declaration. After all, you had been a dead human the moment the boy had brought you here. His future, however, most likely depended on the next couple of minutes.

‘What do you wish me to do, my queen?’ Taeyang inquired and you tilted your head as you allowed yourself to really look at him. He didn’t seem nervous and his voice was also too stable for your liking, but his thumb was tapping on his little finger every ten seconds, so your assumption could have been right. You might have actually gotten better at reading him, you concluded, which, for some reason, made you feel proud.

Never in your life had your emotions confused you this much. Nothing made any sense to you anymore. The lack of disappointment, the barely there fear, that damned calmness. Not a single thing.

‘You say she is obedient. I want to see just how obedient she can be,’ the queen answered, not giving too many hints to the half-elf; however, one look at the boy’s firm jawline was enough to you to know he had gotten the message you had unsurprisingly missed.

‘Your wish is my command, my queen,’ the half-elf insisted before he stood up and turned towards you with his entire body.

The brewing storm in his gray eyes clashed with your calm. You were so stuck in the bubble your staring contest created, you didn’t realize the weight of the moment until you heard a familiar voice calling your name.

‘No, no. She can’t be here. You can’t be here, noh-ho…’ your sister cried out, her crazed eyes growing three times their usual size the moment she saw you. The lump in your throat felt big and hairy as you continuously tried and failed to swallow it down.

Why was she here?

‘Don’t move,’ were the first words that left Taeyang’s mouth; you felt both surprised and not when your body shut down and your limbs refused to move. You also didn’t know what to think about your defleating need to be close to your family. Up until that moment, your yearning for your sister’s closeness might have been flickering but constant. Now, when you were finally at an arm’s length from her, you just didn’t know what you wanted. If you had still wanted to hug her. If you should have still wanted her in your life and it unnerved you: that your feelings felt so foreign all of a sudden.

You furrowed your brows and looked up at the rider. What was happening to you?

‘That girl over there…’ the half-elf started as he cupped your cheeks and turned your head in your sister’s direction. Nobara was crying like the world was about to end, but unlike a few seconds before, now she was restricted by magical ropes that had grown from the ground. ‘She wants me dead. And you can’t lose me, can you, sweetheart?’ Theo asked and you could feel your heart clench at the thought of the half-elf’s death, hence you shook your head frantically. No. For some reason, you couldn’t lose him. ‘You have to protect me,’ he whispered into your ear before he pecked your lips.

Theo stepped away from you a moment later, but not before he pushed a knife into your hand. Your body, led by your determined heart, moved on automatic as you walked up to your si… to Theo’s enemy.

‘You freaking cowards. Just kill me, you hear me! Kill me. Don’t make her do it!’ The faintly familiar girl was screaming from the top of her lungs, making you wonder why the hell did she look so sad despite the curses. Shouldn’t she have been angry or scared?

With one precise cut on her neck and no free hands to put pressure on the wound, the girl fell on her knees and choked on her blood as she said:

‘S’ rr.’

Lacking further instructions, you could almost taste a small part of your free will on the tip of your tongue. Tears immediately blurred your vision, then soaked your cheeks and you didn’t even know why.

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Theo’s palm was warm against your cheek, his gentle caresses pacifying the raging frustration in your soul. Devastated and confused, but still sort of detached, you let him pull your head against his chest and buried your face in his loose shirt. Something was wrong, something was seriously wrong with you and this situation, and you needed him to tell you what had just happened. ‘You still don’t get it, do you?’

You really didn’t, and you shook your head to signal that you had no idea what was going on. You hoped it would be enough for the half-elf to have mercy on you and fill you in on the details.

Theo pressed his lips against the crown of your head and let out a sigh-laugh.

‘Your theory about soulmates… It wasn’t completely wrong,’ he started, mumbling into your hair. Your heart picked up its rate in excitement and you pulled away from him only a little, just to be able to see his beautiful face. ‘You were meant for me. I’m the successor of your heart. You gave it to me willingly.’

You furrowed your brows, admittedly unsure of what he had meant by that, but then he put his hand on your chest, right above your heart and the warmth lulled you into a state that felt so satisfying, it overpowered your need to understand just how literal his words could have been. You had confessed that you both cared about each other. Sure, it couldn’t have meant more than two unsure I love yous.

You loved him. He loved you.

‘You are dismissed,’ you could hear the queen’s voice from somewhere on your right, but you didn’t turn in her direction until she asked her men to clean up the mess. Then, you snapped your head in her way without meaning to, and your eyes found the dead girl on the ground once more.

Nobara.

Your lips trembled at the sight of her lifeless body, but before you could have thought too much into your body’s unconscious reaction, Theo pulled you away from the scene.

You were sitting on the edge of the half-elf’s queen-sized bed, swinging your feet back and forth while you were waiting for him to bring you food. The tent that had been assigned to the two of you had the size of a smaller bedroom, which reminded you of people whose faces might have been familiar, but meant close to nothing to you.

You had an inkling feeling, that one of them was related to the dead girl somehow. You just couldn’t quite pinpoint the connection.

‘I hope you like rabbit meat,’ Theo exclaimed with a wide grin as soon as he entered the tent. He had two plates in one hand and a jug of iced water in the other, but he still managed to close the curtain door flawlessly to maintain your privacy.

‘I do,’ you reassured him and took one of the plates from him, placing the porcelain on your lap. The food smelled delicious, and it made you contemplate whether you should have asked any of those questions that had been on your mind while he had been gone. You didn’t want to ruin your dinner when it was your first time eating from actual plates, far from the horrific massacres of…

You furrowed your brows. Just a moment ago, you had been convinced that you were safe at this campsite. However, weren’t they the same monsters who had killed all those people you had never gotten the chance to speak to? Villages robbed and burned to the ground, innocent people killed at their own homes. These crimes had been committed by Dark Elves. You had been almost killed by a dark elf. So why were you so calm about staying at their tent?

And why were you so affected yet unaffected by that dead girl whose bled-out body stuck in your head for no goddamn reason?

‘Theo… Can I ask you something?’ You spoke up in a small voice, only continuing when the boy gave you the green light with the most precious smile you had ever seen on his face.

‘When it’s just the two of us, you can ask anything, sweetheart,’ he said as he wiped some of the juice off his lips with his thumb and sucked his finger clean with his eyes on you.

You gulped, determined to stay focused.

‘About the dead girl… Who is she? I feel like she is someone important to m—’

Before you could have finished your sentence, Theo grabbed both of your arms and turned you towards himself. Your food, half-eaten and sad, fell on the floor dirtying not only the rugs but your left foot, too. Could it have been that the rider’s “anything” did not include that girl? It definitely seemed so.

You swallowed down the bile that was creeping up in your throat. Your eyeballs were moving from left to right repeatedly in desperation. You had never meant to upset him. You had just wanted to know why your heart was so calm while the cogs inside your brain tried to remind you of something important.

‘Look in my eyes,’ Theo demanded and you willed yourself to focus on one single point on his face instead of trying to take everything in: the small twitches of his jawline, the flaring of his nostrils. ‘From now on, I’ll be the only one you’ll think about. Noone else, only me, you hear me? I’ll be the only one on your mind,’ he said firmly.

Your lips parted for a soft protest, but no words made it through them. And a couple of seconds later, you couldn’t even pinpoint why you would have wanted to think about anybody else but your soulmate. Because Theo was your soulmate, he had to be. There was no other explanation for the warmth you felt in your chest whenever his eyes bored into yours so lovingly.

When the silence stretched long enough for the half-elf to break it, you let him feed you with his own food and also followed him towards the barrel in the back of the tent that was filled with warm water for bathing. A distant memory about how shy you had felt when a few of your boy neighbors had showed up at the stream you had been playing in with your… with someone close to you popped up in your mind, but it disappeared just as quickly, and with that, your reason to ask for some privacy.

‘Come here, sweetheart, and put your hands up for me,’ the half-elf asked and you did as he said with a happy smile, letting him help you out of your clothes and wash your body with a soft cloth while you were sitting in the enormous barrel. These were activities you could have done on your own, a faint voice in your head tried to remind you; however, you shut its nagging out easily and leaned your head back against the edge of the barrel with a content sigh. It felt so nice to be taken care of.

To not have to worry about what was next, because Theo was there for you to make those decisions on your behalf with your best interest in mind.

To be guided and told when the water was starting to get too cold, and be wrapped in a warm towel afterwards. Like this, being carried to your shared bed, it was easy to only think about Theo. To only want to be embraced by Theo.

To live for your soulmate.

‘My beautiful sweetheart. You must be tired, hm? It was such an exhausting day,’ the half-elf mumbled against the top of your head after he tucked you under the blankets and pulled you against his chest. He was stroking your hair slowly, making you hesitant whether you should have told him you didn’t want to sleep.

It didn’t matter, not anymore. And maybe he knew your body better than you knew yourself anyway. Because you did fall asleep the moment he said:

‘Sleep, my love. I promise you, no one will dare to hurt you until you’re here with me.’

the end.

#theo x reader #taeyang x reader #theo x you #taeyang x you #p1harmony scenarios #p1harmony theo #p1harmony x you #ssbyme #soulmate au #dark fairytale-ish #definitely not a sweet story #p1harmony taeyang

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saras-devotionals · 1 month

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Quiet Time 3/23

What am I feeling today?

I wish I had woken up earlier. I feel like I had been asleep forever and wasted the majority of my day so I’m kinda beating myself up about it. Also, I dreamt about my ex last night and it brought back all those emotions but I think it brought some closure too. Also dreamt about the guy I like, it’s not fair, every single time I think ‘I’m over him! I’m totally over him! It’s never gonna happen!’ then I see him again (I saw him last night) and my heart goes wild all over again and I’m so tired of it. I want to be able to move on from him bc that’s the advice I’ve received, that it’s probably never going to happen and sure it stings and hurts every time I’m told that and I wish it didn’t and the only way it wouldn’t is if I could move on!! sometimes I kinda just wanna scream or cry in frustration bc I’m just so sick of it! Anyways, I’m sorry about that rant, I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.

Bible Plan: Spiritual Wilderness

The Spiritual wilderness is a place of wandering. It’s a time when our feelings can fade, our finances might get dry, our relationships get sour, our experiences with God seem to be shallow, and our doubts get amplified.

Spiritual wilderness is spiritual warfare. There is one key that can help us win this spiritual warfare and move us from a spiritual wilderness to victory. That key is worship!

In the wilderness, we will either whine or worship. Chronic complaining may seem natural and come easy, but it has dangerous consequences. Complaining is to the devil what worship is to God.

Wilderness is a dry place; worship is the water! Naturally, we get water from a lake, river, or well. The children of Israel got their water from the Rock. The Rock symbolizes Jesus Christ. That speaks to us today that our worship must flow from who God is especially in our difficult days. Even if our life is currently not doing well, God is good. Worship is essential to surviving wilderness. It will keep us spiritually hydrated.

Not only does worship help us get through hard times without becoming whiners, it is also our spiritual weapon. We are created to worship but called to warfare. One of our weapons is worship. God wants us to have praises in our mouths and His sword in our hands. Spiritual warfare doesn’t work if our mouth is full of complaining and admitting defeat.

Complaining is to the devil what worship is to God. <- this line stood out to me! I kept in mind what the Bible says about grumbling and I caught myself a couple days ago and it really hit me! And with this line!! It hurts even harder!! My goal is to not complain for the rest of the day, whatever I have to get done, whatever I have to do, I’ll do so with worship on my tongue, not complaining because the Lord desires and deserves worship!!

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭5‬-‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.””

I think this is really sweet🥹 talking about how He’s with us and will gather us from the end of the earth🥹 also keep in mind that God formed and made you, I know some people can get on about how they look and even I can get like that too but remember your creator, remember that He made you and He loves you and creature you for His glory!

‭‭Acts‬ ‭16‬:‭25‬-‭26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.”

Tbh this just further shows you the power of praise! Even though they were in prison, they never stopped praying and giving glory to God!

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the1975attheirverybest · 6 months

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im so fucking happy for you that you had such a great time and i would honestly love to hear more about it - 🐸

Omgggg you are so so sweet 🥹🥹🩷🩷 gosh I’m already emotional as it is now I’m gonna cry hahaha. Just filled with love and appreciation for this fandom tbh. Y’all are wonderful. I love you.

Ok this is gonna be sooo sappy and sooo sentimental and silly so I would 10000% not be mad if you were kinda judging me. I think I’d be judging me if I were you.

It was so so so so good. The energy in the room was phenomenal. The crowd was great I think. Not a lot of people stiffly standing and filming the whole show. I would say most of the front half of the pit only filmed a few bits but was dancing and singing along the majority of the time.

Matty and Ross know I exist 🥹🥹🥹 they interacted with me and laughed when I was in complete and utter shockkkkk. I blew matty a kiss and he reciprocated (he also sent kisses to other fans in the crowd like it wasn’t just me. I’m delusional but not THAT delusional hahaha). He made fun of me. And when I gestured for him to take his shirt off during “maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” he stubbornly said no so I pretended to be mad and he did a little bow.

The songs were phenomenal. Great mix of greatest hits/ classics and some underrated / lesser known stuff.

There’s just….something about the boys. Like sure live music in general is a great vibe and it makes me emotional snd excited and stuff. So, when Dora Jar performed the opening act (guys check her out she’s amazing) I was still dancing along and having fun. Cuz good music is good. But when the boys came on??? ABSOLUTELY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE. Something about singing the same words as them. At the same time as them. Looking directly into their eyes and having them look back at you….this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said in my entire life but it felt like home. Like we were all there together and it was the safest place on the planet. Like everyone believed in every single word that they were screaming out. You could totally see that these 4 boys absolutely love their jobs. They radiate joy and fun.

Polly is a fuckin Angel for JC2005 and John Waugh (my REAL crush, sorry matty) was sooo phenomenal I had a hard time looking him in the eyes without blushing.

I really really didn’t want it to end. Like when it was time to leave the venue I was sad.

But really it’s the fans. People who’ve seen the boys before were like hyping up those of us who have never been to a 75 gig before. And like the line leader girlie was so so sweet she kept checking in whenever a fav song of mine that I told her about before was performed or something. And the people in front of us were so so nice and cheerful. The whole vibe was just perfect.

Oh and Matty is even more beautiful in person (though teenyyyy tinyyyy) than he is in pictures and I really didn’t think it’d be possible.

I’m still like bursting into tears any time I think about the show or you guys. Or the boys. Or how lucky I am to have all of it. Just soooo full and happy and inspired and grateful

#🐸anon

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 2 years

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hi. can i share something. its pretty personal...its sad but also a message of hope.

so. ive been freaking out rly bad about attending this bladee show tomorrow, august 6th. the real reason for this is not just my ocd and social anxiety but also.. last year on august 6th my really good friend died. they were going by the name saint at the time. i only knew them online but we were extremely close since around 2014. we would talk often, and in-depth, bcus we both had extensive interest in metaphysics, god, angels, etc. and we both had dead parents, specifically dead from illness, so we rly deeply related to each other on those matters. they were like 9 years older than me, so i looked up to them as an older sibling. it absolutely shattered my heart when i found out they died because i know it was an accident. i think they OD’d on fentanyl cus they had been posting about relapsing shortly b4 they died. but i dont know for sure, there’s no obituary for them since they don’t have parents or family. i have cried about it every day for a year.

when i saw what day the bladee show was, i felt a million feelings at once, like, oh my god, is this some kind of orchestrated angel event? saint had the most unwavering faith, they believed in angels more than anyone ive ever met, there was no doubt in their mind. we would talk about our synchronicities constantly. it was our fav thing to discuss. they were so validating of my experiences. so in a way, i rly feel like, their angel is escorting me to this show as some sort of gift for making it thru the past year. ive been going thru my saturn return on top of grieving their death, and idk, its just been one of the worst times in my life, ive never been closer to giving up. the timing of this show rly makes me feel like saint is blessing me. bladee, saint and I are all life path 9s who r obsessed w metaphysics n spirituality, which adds to the meaning of this synchronicity for me.

the reason ive been so terrified to attend the show is because i keep having ocd freakouts that someone is going to die or that, like, this date is evil and tainted or soemthing. like literally to the point that ive spent a few entire days this past week just crying in my bed because im so terrified of losing anyone else in my life. but as the show gets closer, i am realizing i just need to trust god and believe that im allowed to enjoy myself. believe that saint’s angel is protecting me and my loved ones, just like they have every day for the past year. they have sent me so many signs, and ive known a lot of dead people but never have i received so many obvious signs from anyone, even my own father. it makes me wonder if saint graduated the rebirth cycle, since they were a 9, and they brought so much goodness to this world. i think they graduated and are now a very powerful angel forever.

its been so hard to go on without them. they were my grief councellor fr. there were some years of my life where they were one of the only people i talked to because no one else could understand. they loved POSTING, we met on tumblr and they were always so supportive of the way i express myself. after they died was when i started drawing and posting on here again bcus i knew i had to honor them this way. i cant put into words how much their friendship impacted me and i wish i could do more, i wish i cld plaster their face onto every wall and scream from the rooftops “THATS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!”. god i am going to cry so much at the bladee show, i know they’ll b rite there on my shoulder the whole time.

if u read all this, thank you. it weighs on me massively n i try not to show it too much online but man. i have been a mess. n sometimes i just wanna spill my guts. i cld say so so much more about my dear friend but i’ll leave it at this for now. im praying that the show goes well tomorrow and everyone makes it there safely. if u guys cld pray for me too id rly appreciate. i rly feel like saint is with me and im allowed to have hope now. i love you saint. thankyou for posting so much so i have plenty to look back on. <3

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taylorrama · 7 months

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The Locked Tomb + mewithoutYou pt. 6/17

Heard you call for me Saw you die for me Only you'd burn for me If only you'd come for me

Song: Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt Album: A->B Life

youtube

This is the chillest song on the album (until it explodes, that is) and one of the most ambient. We have this slow groove, and in the background are distant vocals that are hard to discern while listening. This is an intentional effect, though, and there's a lot we can glean from hearing a voice buried beneath other sound and only barely being able to distinguish what's said. For TLT purposes, this lines up with the Lyctor experience (I feel I'm repeating myself so much by drawing comparisons between these songs and lyctors, but that's what happens when you have two pieces of art that portray a blending of spiritual experiences with relationships).

To briefly address the song title, yes, it's the Kurt Vonnegut reference that eventually became a meme here on Tumblr dot com. I've read Slaughterhouse Five once and so I recognize this and other Vonnegut references in mwY songs. However, other who are much more into his work than I am have done a better job analyzing these references. My understanding is that this saying, "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt" is a sort of sarcastic mockery of those who believe that there was, is, or ever could be a time when death and suffering don't exist. I don't think we need to reach too far to see how this same idea is present in The Locked Tomb. The closest anyone comes to unironically embodying this phrase is Nona, until she remembers who she is, so the real meaning is proven true.

Going back to the song, I'm not even sure that the liner notes capture what this voice in the beginning actually says, but it does sound something like this:

Heard you call for me Saw you die for me Only you'd burn for me If only you'd come for me

Griddlehark. Campal. The third line is especially Campal.

These lines repeat and then the music starts to shift into a more sinister sound. We at last get the softly spoken phrase:

Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt

Immediately, there's a raw scream and the rest of the song is directly quoting a John Dunne poem called "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" in this desperate, screaming vocal style.

"As we melt let's make no noise Oh the profanation of our love To tell the world our passing joys! And we, besides, care less to miss Our eyes and lips and hands." (but honey, I'm not who you think I am!) (I'm not who you think I am! I'm not who you think I am!)

The portions in quotes are from Dunne. I also haven't read or thought about Dunne enough to make my own interpretive conclusions, but using Dunne as applied to this song and then again applied to The Locked Tomb, we get some interesting images. This idea of two lovers or souls melting together to become one substance at the expense of any tangible form they once inhabited is...literally Lyctorhood.

The last two lines in parentheses could have a lot of applications. Jod. Nona. Harrow. Lots of characters have something in their arcs or something in their sense of self that would lead them to acknowledge a difference between the self they know and the self everyone else knows. And they may go beyond acknowledging this into hating it, so the vocalization of these lines in this song would fit that emotion.

"And so you'll be to me Who must obliquely run Thy firmness makes my circle just And makes me end where I begun" There's nothing wrong As I'll be somewhere singing all along No! Tell me, where have you gone, my love Where have you gone my love

Again, the quoted portions are from Dunne. I would go feral for the 7,584th time if circle imagery imagery became significant in The Locked Tomb in the same way that it is in mewithoutYou songs, but I don't see much there at the moment.

So, what's most interesting right now is the last two lines, "Where have you gone, my love?" This is repeated over and over, and is washed out by the music as the song reaches its end.

At the end of Gideon the Ninth, it's clear that Gideon dies, but there's also this transcendence and mystery about where her body actually goes. And we don't find out until the end of Nona the Ninth. So to me, this increasingly desperate and drowned out question matches this quest that some of the characters have of preserving their dead necromancer or cavalier across/through/somewhere to the left of life, death, and the River.

Musically, the end of the song sounds like drowning, perhaps in a River, and cuts off with this sound that's maybe like time traveling? What I'm saying is that if you were to sonically represent what being in the River is like, it'd probably be this song.

---

TLT + mewithoutYou pt. 1; TLT + mewithoutYou pt. 2; TLT + mewithoutYou pt. 3; TLT + mewithoutYou pt. 4; TLT + mewithoutYou pt. 5

#the locked tomb #the locked tomb spoilers #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #griddlehark #campal #mewithoutyou #kurt vonnegut #john dunne #Youtube

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multiversstuff · 11 months

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Chapter One - Death Version One

A/N - I finished the chapter sooner than expected! For the concept of where the chapter takes place; click me!

Warnings — 18+! Violence, kidnapping, blood, weapons

WC: 1315

Death. You get taught that everyone experiences it at one point in their life; whether it’s someone they know or witnessing a death.

But what no one tells you, is that you can experience more than one type of death – there’s the normal type that everyone knows, then there’s the type where you, yourself, die; spiritually, mentally and physically.

No one taught me that. But I know it, because I’ve experienced each and every one.

My name’s Danielle, and this is my story on how I died, again, and again; and how I survived to tell the tale.

It was supposed to be a normal day – wake up, go to work, go home, and do whatever. So, what happened? How did I end up in a warehouse tied to a chair across…eleven?…eleven people with bags over their heads. I’m assuming that, just like me, they’re all gagged because a few of them are awake and screaming; at least, they’re trying to. It kind of sounds like they’re screaming into pillows.

The only light I can see is from the lightbulb dangling above me; from that light, I can see the eleven others in a similar situation as myself – tied to their chairs by the hands, behind their back, and their feet, against the two front legs of the chair. Looking around, I can see a white-ish counter covered in rust, the light isn’t bright enough for me to be sure; but it’s to my left. There’s what I’m going to assume to be, a counter to the right of me, and right next to the counter (on my left) is a sink, and another, longer, counter. The eleven are seated in a way where I can see each and every one clearly; one slightly to my left and one slightly to my right. I may not be able to see their faces, but judging by what they’re wearing and by general, and obvious, anatomy; I can see that there are five women and six men.

I’m crying – I don’t know when I started crying, but I am. Noticing the tears got me out of my head, which made me realize that I’m also hyperventilating.

I need to calm down…this isn’t helping anything, and it certainly won’t help when, whoever brought us here, comes back. Trying to put my head between my legs to help my breathing…my restraints are too tight so, I lean my head back slightly and look at the dim light; focusing on my breathing.

Inhale for three seconds…hold for four…exhale for five. I repeat that breathing sequence until the tears stop flowing.

After I get the tears to stop, I go back to looking forward; at the woman who’s sitting right in front of me. Almost immediately after, I hear what sounds like a door opening behind me, to my right. I whip my head towards the sound and, sure enough, a door is wide open letting a room-full of light pour into the room I’m in. There are two men – one holding the door open and one in the doorway. My eyes follow them as they make their way towards me.

One stops behind me, the other places both of his feet in front of me. I can’t make out what he looks like; my eyes trying to adjust to the change of brightness.

Keeping my eyes forward, the man in front of me bends down by the waist to make eye contact. I can now see his facial features.

Short, close to a buzz cut, sandy blonde hair.

He’s white with a slight, but very noticeable, orange tint to his skin. A tan gone wrong.

Thin lips.

His eyes are light blue…but with the way he was looking at me made them look as dark as the sky when the sun is in its last stage of setting.

He’s tall. I don’t know how tall, but enough to have to bend his knees slightly when he lowers down by the waist.

I keep my breathing calm.

“Hi, Dani,” he speaks in a low voice, “remember me?” I don’t recognize him in the slightest, so I shake my head. “Take a moment,” he cocks his head to my left, “think about it; rack your brain, we just met a few hours ago.” A few hours ago I was at work…getting the mail…I said hello to a man coming out of the stairwell before turning to the elevators – immediately before someone hit me over the head…THE MAN! He’s the man!

My face had to show that I remembered because the next thing he said, before standing straight up, was “there it is. You remember.” Now that he’s fully standing, I can see that he’s wearing a simple black t-shirt, with dark blue jeans and tennis shoes; white tennis shoes.

I tried to say “what do you want?” But what came out was “mmm…mmm…” The man takes out my gag and I take in a large breath.

“What was that?” He said in an annoyed tone.

“I said,” inhale, “what. Do. You. Want?” Exhale.

The man sighs exaggeratingly and starts walking towards the woman who’s sat in front of me. He doesn’t stop in front of her; he stops behind her, grasping onto the bag he says “I want what you know.” My eyebrows knit in confusion. “And you’re going to give it to me…every little piece of information you have, you will bestow to me.” I’m even more confused now, but before I get the chance to say anything, he rips the bag off of the woman’s head and now I can see her face.

She’s not just any woman…she’s my mom. My wonderful mom who has helped me work my way out of my own personal hell. Who helped me recover from the worst moment of my life. The woman who’s had to deal with my attitude, ungratefulness, and my short-temper. My mom who’s supposed to be in Arkansas.

I have so many questions; why is she here? Who are these guys? What information could I have that they would want?

The man pulls out a knife and puts it to her throat. The other man, who hasn’t left his spot behind me, puts a ripped piece of duct tape over my mouth and grabs ahold of my head to make sure I don’t look away. At least that’s what I’m assuming; after watching so many true crime shows, movies and documentaries, I’m going to stick to my assumption.

I, finally, begin to struggle against the restraints and, now, the other mans hands. No screaming comes from me, but muffled words do; trying to get one of the men to take the duct tape off so I can, at the very least, get a question out. All I want is to know what he thinks I know so I can convince him that I don’t know anything and they can let us go…or take the knife off of my mom’s throat, at least.

But it doesn’t work. Neither one of them move and I’m stuck looking at my mom’s tear-stained face, gagged, and a knife to her throat. I increase the volume of my muffled words when he doesn’t make a move or a sound.

That doesn’t help either; in fact, it made things worse. He moved slightly back, grabs a hold of her hair and moves the knife to his left.

My muffled begging increases in volume. No…this can’t happen.

Mom’s eyes widen. The knife starts to move. Blood starts to pour. My begging turns to screaming.

I was right. The other man is holding my head to make sure I can’t look away. They want to make sure that I watch as this man, the man I have only seen once, slice my mom’s throat; taking a part of my heart, my soul, and my life away from me.

#writing #projects #fanfic #chapter 1

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theswarmanthology · 2 years

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River, 17

"Most of my experience in the fandom has been on tumblr. It's really hard to find diehard fans in person. The online community is so positive and welcoming, and people are so dedicated to this band! The shows that I didn't go to, I watched livestreams with most if not all of my tumblr mutuals, and we all get SO EXCITED whenever new pictures drop etc etc."

Fast Facts: How long have you been a fan?: 3-5 years Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 1 Favorite album: Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge Show experience out of 10: 10 Did you cry at your show?: Yes

Which date of the tour did you attend? 09/15/22, Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul, MN

When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab? I got them about two weeks prior on stubhub. Fairly easy to grab but most of the seats were sold out already.

Did you attend with anyone else? my dad

What did you wear? I wore my revenge shirt with jeans and a leather jacket and a choker! And a couple necklaces. (I ended up having to hold my phone the entire time because my pockets were too shallow. Women's pants, you know how it is)

Where were your seats? I had a seat about 2/3 od the way down the arena, 7 or 8 rows up on frank's side

What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show? Helena was honestly a whole spiritual experience

What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it? Well. I was a demo lovers truther before they played it in NJ, and they didn't play it at my show, but they did close with desert song and. That was an experience to say the least.

What was your favorite moment from the show? Oh god I have a couple. MCR lets the audience sing the into to FLW on their own. Being in the same room with 10,000 other people singing their hearts out to that and the chorus of Helena easily as loud as the band itself... that is a life-changing experience. I'm not exaggerating. I've never felt such a deep connection with so many strangers. There were a couple moments in the show where I looked to my left at the person in the next row, and they looked at me, and we smiled at each other we were both so emotional. That happened when they started desert song too, I looked back at them and they looked at me and we both immediately started crying. After the show was over and everyone was leaving I turned to them and said "I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT I LOVE YOU" and they said "I LOVE YOU TOO"

What was the most unexpected moment from the show? Desert song! They had played it once two shows before mine so I was thinking they won't play it twice. That's a one time deal. and then.

Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show? oh yes. oh yes yes yes. I have never felt a stronger sense of belonging in my entire life.

If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be? i wish i got pit tickets but they were all SOLD OUT

Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way? I got SO much deeper into storylines. Everything that had to come together for all of this to happen, everything that happened for it all to have the depth of meaning it does now.

What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future? If you ever get the chance, absolutely take it. It's worth every penny. Also make sure you have a water at the show, screaming blows your throat out hella fast

Thanks, River! She can be found on Tumblr at @your-icy-blues and on Discord at Persephone 🦋#3401.

#story #09/15/22 #mcrstpaul

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xerxeswitch · 2 years

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"Scary" Halloween Story about a Toxic "Reader"...

This technically happened last Christmas, but it has been on my mind still, and I do want to share it.

I made a post earlier about what to look for in toxic witches and psychics, but this experience took the whole list and made it into an ugly cake. It's to really give an idea on how wacky it can get. It even went to identity safety and boundary violations. The reason I'm posting this is to raise awareness of meeting these certain "psychics," or "witches," by chance. -- I won't mention the username or even their real name for my own reasons that involves a peace of mind. ... There was a time on Etsy where I was scrolling through some online readings. I should've listened to my spiritual Family and my intuition because they told me that there's nothing to look into at the moment. I saw one particular reader who supposedly specialized in spirit keeping and had similar views. My closest entity told me to not purchase this reading...and it was beyond me why I didn't listen, but I decided it wouldn't hurt to see what she has to say about a reading for a spirit Family member. In honesty, I was going through some serious skeptical loops and doubts about having spirit companions, and I was looking to compile some readings to see a consistency. ... The reader sent me a message about how pleased she is about me choosing her reading... ...But then she suddenly demanded me to hand my spirit companion over to her, declaring she owns the spirit now.

Obviously I didn't know what to think. I politely turned her down that this wasn't what was agreed upon and that we decline. She suddenly flew into a rage with paragraphs of passive aggressive seething insults and rants. She basically berated over the messages that it was written on the description for the reading. I read the description once and I read it again after her claim. Wrong. I didn't see anything of that sort in there. I was getting disturbed, but I politely told her that it's not found in her description, and that I would like to decline anymore of our interactions, telling her we do not consent to her demands, and told her to have a nice day. She immediately and blatantly said something VERY close to this: ... "No, you have no right to your boundaries over my power! You have no right at all to consent whether I want to take your spirit or not! I can properly save everyone' s spirits, but are customers always bothering me and telling me what to do with my business?! Why are people always telling me that I can't take their spirits to a better place?! I'm basically the hero!" ... I came to quickly realize there was something very wrong with this woman.

Before we cut connections, I asked her if she was okay and if she needs to see professional help. We told her again that we do not feel comfortable with this interaction anymore, and that we'll report her for harassment if she insists. She gave us a juvenile text-like profanity along with a "Ta-ta. Sucks to be you! LOLOLOL" I didn't care, I want to just stop her from talking to us, and I got my money back from the bank. ... It didn't end there. ... It was months after this interaction, and I thought it stopped. Nope, all that time she was stalking me. She found me on Discord of all places and screamed at me in CAPS to relinquish the spirit to her. I was of course shocked but also just annoyed about this. I told her immediately that she was being a creepy molester and that I'm blocking her. Before I did, she was screaming over the texts with lots of name calling, gas-lighting, how ugly I must look, how she somehow knows my spirits better than I do and that she can make them happier... ... ...But the real kicker was her screaming promises of hexes and close death threats. I quickly just blocked her, set up wards and reversals, and made sure that she didn't closely follow me on any other social media she might have found out. Chances are, if she knows about my Discord, she knows about the others. I blocked her on four social media platforms now. I haven't heard of her for a while, and I hope she gave it up. ... I have a history of people stalking me in passion from both emotional directions, but this was probably the most extreme case so far on the internet. -- My point to all of this to my "scary" Halloween, cautionary tale: PLEASE be careful if you ever meet these types of witches/psychics!

Ward up! Don't give up your boundaries! Protect your spirit companions if you have any. You'll never know when you meet deranged people such as this.

#toxic behavior #witch #witchcraft #spirit companion #spirit companionship #spirit keeping #spiritual narcissism #psychic #scary story #toxicity #toxic #bad witch #spirit companions

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quiet-in-the-wild · 2 months

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Randomly been taking surveys (like scientific/psychology studies type surveys) for fun because I’m bored & maybe a little down from not getting that job even though I feel like it was probably for the best

& a few have been related to trans folks. And they have the typical questions like- would you rather have been born your preferred gender - or something as awkwardly worded like that

And I usually say no.

Because being trans is a whole experience. And it’s beautiful and personal and spiritual to me. & I would have been trans regardless

But today I’m in the shower thinking - I’m on my period currently. My medication has made my chest bigger by like by 2 inches so that’s substantial. It looks noticeable in my clothes it feels bad. So I try not to think about it because I still haven’t found a surgeon or gotten on any kind of waiting list.

And I’m about to go to my doctors appointment today to finally start testosterone

And I’m in the shower and it hit me- fucking slammed into me. Yes I would have rather been born/assigned male at birth

No matter what I would fuck with the gender binary. Have fun wearing bright colors and nail polish and like the things I like. No matter what.

But so much of my problems, my health issues, my depression/mood swings comes from having a uterus and an estrogen dominate endocrine system

My period tries to kill me. lol but seriously. So much pain. So much blood loss (20+ days of bleeding or multiple periods per month) vascular issues from my hormones, liver damage from my hormones, suicidal thoughts from my hormones

I’m just sitting here suddenly able to imagine a life without all of that- how much I would have been able to live and not be house bound-bed bound screaming in pain, fatigued beyond belief. Even if I still had EDS & POTS without monthly flare ups caused by my hormones (most times I get flare ups during multiple parts of my cycle too) life would be so much easier

I literally haven’t been able to work for like 7 years- because of my period. It’s that bad. & I didn’t really realize it until I got this job interview last week. & suddenly had to imagine what going into work every day would be like.

I can’t even imagine being able to consistently show up to work knowing that at least 3-6 days out of every month I’m bed ridden, in excruciating pain. & then feeling the effects of being anemic & recovering the rest of the month. Not to mention all the flareups

It sucks so much. But I never associate my period with my gender. It doesn’t feel relevant - but it like hit me what that would have meant -being AMAB it would have meant a life with less pain. For sure. In more ways than one.

And another question that pops up on these surveys did you feel betrayed by puberty - I would always say no because what does that even mean. It’s inevitable. But I think I figured that out too. Because I kind of started puberty so early (having to wear a bra in first grade) I had very little time to just be a kid- you know? Like I was immediately the girl with boobs in my class as a first grader & not just a kid like everyone else. So by the time I like hit puberty with everyone else. I didn’t feel betrayed by it because I was already hurt. & already numb trying not to think about it. & spending years already trying to hide my body and restrict my movements so no one would see.

Ooof it’s true. People do say dysphoria hits hard when you’re closer to getting HRT or surgery.

I guess in a way it helps me not feel unsure about starting testosterone. Like I understand right now how much I need it.

#long post

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diogenesz2020portugal · 1 year

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youtube

"Creating this song wasn't easy, but I'm so proud of how it turned out. Want to say a big thank you for everyones support over the years. During the years trapped inside with chronic health problems the main thing that kept me going was a belief that one day I would come out the other side, and be able to achieve success through music. I don’t have a label, and sometimes pushing these things as hard as I want becomes a massive challenge, and I find myself frustrated that there aren’t enough hours in the day to push it as far as I want to. I would love to ask a favour to anyone who has ever enjoyed my music over the years, and it will only take a few minutes of your day.It would mean the world to me if you shared ‘Hi Ren’ as much as you can, over social media platforms, with friends, over email. Together, and with your help I can hopefully reach people all over the world, and get one step closer to the dream I always had! Thank you so much for the support so far!"

"Up until I was 9 years old, I would intermittently hear a voice in my head that was not my own. The voice was distinctly different to mine, and always negative. It would self criticise or urge me to do things I knew to be morally wrong. The most peculiar thing about the voice was that it took no effort on my behalf to produce. My own thoughts always felt like there was a process that required effort to bring them to the forefront of my mind, this voice appeared as though it was spoken by another. The sentences felt predetermined like they had already been constructed. I remember very vividly at 9 years old, becoming very frustrated with the voice. I stood in my back yard, internally screaming at the voice to be silent again and again, and it did. In a flash there was silence, to the point where my head felt like an empty room. I wasn't used to the quiet and that voice never returned. It almost felt lonely in my head. When I got older I had intermittent bouts with auditory hallucinations where I would hear perfect symphonies, usually at night when drifting off to sleep. They were so clear that they sounded like they were emanating from a radio in the corner of my room. I knew they weren't there, but for some reason they never came with the feeling of fear. I also recall sitting on a bus at the age of 15, and hearing the sound of a crowded room, with about 100 voices chattering away, I was the only person apart from the driver on the bus. These experiences were always very brief, and few and far between. My last hallucination was during an intense bout of psychosis in 2015, and was my first visual hallucination. I was walking down a pavement after jumping out my mums car in a crossroads in a moment of frustration and distress with my condition. I was trying to run from myself. What appeared to be a homeless man with a dark complexion approached me, and asked me what was wrong. I explained that I had been sick most my life, and I wasn't sure I had the strength to continue. He looked at me, and smiled and told me 'everything is going to be okay in the end Ren.' I had not told him my name. There was something so overpoweringly sincere about this very simple message, which brought with it an overwhelming feeling of inner peace, and in a flash, he vanished. My rational brain always linked these experiences to what the doctors have told me, that there are parts of my brain compromised by the autoimmunity in my body. That the myelin sheaths surrounding the complex electrical system that conduct my thoughts were damaged and compromised, causing these lucid experiences that I knew did not exist inside the physical world. The part of me that edges away from logical and rational thought always attributed these thoughts to some kind of otherworldly intervention, that made my thoughts the battleground of some spiritual tug of war. For a long time I never really acknowledged this part of myself, for with it brought the danger and stigma of sounding like a crazy person. I decided with my latest release, to the best of my ability, to capture and express this chess match of thought."

#Youtube

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queerlich · 1 year

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Gender identities aren’t separate from the rest of the Self

Responding to concerns from fellow trans and queer folks on xenogenders & why it’s an umbrella term we should welcome with the same love as non-binary and gender-non-conforming.

(featuring some amazing images that screamed “gender” to me)

I am here to be divisive. I am here to speak to the people who are excited by the possibilities the future holds. The dreamers, the storytellers, the visionaries who are out there creating the world we want to live in right now. I’m not here to be liked by everyone & in fact, I don’t want to be. I know I have politics, beliefs, and overall ways of understanding the world around me that others do not agree with. Within the queer community itself, I have beliefs that alienate me from others. Queer is a divisive word that I love. My belief that “straight passing” isn’t a privilege but erasure, is divisive. My belief that xenogenders are a valid way of defining and describing gender, is divisive.

Earlier this year, I wrote an article for Salty on Xenogenders. I opened up what is generally a smaller community of people who are aware of xenogenders or identify with them and brought it to a large public sphere. With this, I knew there would be trans and queer people reacting to the article with frustration. I avoided reading the comments on the post Salty made on Instagram to announce the article for quite some time because I knew I would need to be ready for that. Today, a mix of curiosity and readiness hit me and I stepped in.

Photo by Stephen Leonardi sourced from Unsplash.

Many trans people responded with concern, wondering how many closeted trans people or people out there who don’t know they’re trans will read it and feel alienated further. Others wondered about how this plays into making gender an elite theoretical thing. For sure, it could do any of those things for certain people. I am glad to see that some people read the article and realized that xenogenders aren’t for them! AND I’m more excited to see the comments and responses where people learned about xenogenders and found a new word that fit for them! A way to describe and relate to their gender that helped them form a deeper bond with themselves.

For me, the xenogender identities I align with are not a major part of my lived experience. I will likely always align with genderqueer as my main descriptor. However, they do bring me joy. To use chaosgender reminds me of moments when I experience gender as erratic and ever-shifting. To use genderdead reminds me of how I believe gender as we currently understand it is dying. To use celestial gender speaks to my relationship with my spirituality that can’t be torn away from the rest of my lived experience.

BIPOC Celestial Nonbinary Flag by @EyesUp_Orion on Twitter.

The way I’ve come to enjoy these descriptors is greatly influenced by my experiences as a queer Chinese autistic & spiritual person. My worldview is strongly influenced by Daoism, and the idea that all things are naturally influenced by each other. That all things are both in relationship to each other & exist within each other. I will never have the words to accurately describe my gender or my relationship to it. So, I am thrilled by the process of discovering words that excite me and amalgamating them into a form I’m pleased by. I get goosebumps thinking about how we can play with gender and language and our physical expressions to bring us joy.

Separating Gender from the Binary for GOOD

To get really divisive for a second, the ways we talk about and understand transness are greatly influenced by white cis heteropatriarchy. At least the way we talk about it in English. We need to only look at how “gender” is defined in English:

either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones. The term is also used more broadly to denote a range of identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female. - Oxford Languages “the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex” - Merriam-Webster

It roots gender in being of the binary. Sure there is now the added layer of social or cultural differences rather than biological differences alone. However, these definitions still root the binary as being the baseline. The point from which we operate in relation to gender. If we are to truly start divesting from cis-dominance or transmedicalism we need to step away from definitions that pose gender from these colonialist and othering standpoints.

By Komarov Egor, sourced from Unsplash.

Transness is an ancient thing. It has appeared across cultures and time periods and it’s not going anywhere. However, when we talk about transness, the focus is always on moving from cisgender to transgender. From cisgender to non-binary. From one thing to the other. This is because whiteness, as it is constructed by colonialism, wants to understand and to know anything it deems other. It wants to dissect and reduce concepts, people, and experiences, into single definitions so that it can look at this thing that it has othered and say “yes, this is what X is.”

But if you have ever connected to your transness, to your gender, you know that you are always uncovering new parts of it. New parts of your Self. If you are someone who is connected to or uncovering your heritage and ancestry, your experience of queerness is already vastly different from others. The ways our ancestors did gender was queer before colonialism stamped it out of us & reconnecting to that can be an exciting part of coming home.

Your Gender identity IS Your Identity

A common response to xenogenders is the concern that these descriptors aren’t gender identities but just identities. Aspects of a person’s self. And to that I say, and what would be so bad about that? What makes your gender identity different from your identity as a whole?

I am ready and excited for gender as it is dominantly understood under cis heteropatriarchy to be overthrown. Like, really excited. I dream of a world where gender is intertwined with the rest of our Self. Where we are all free to change our bodies & describe ourselves however fits to best bring us gender euphoria. Where it can’t be separated from our identity because it is our identity.

Where gender is not just one aspect of the Self, it is the Self. Where spirituality is not just one aspect, it is the Self. Where how we love & who we have sex with isn’t just one aspect, it is the Self. Where our ancestry and culture are not just single aspects, they are the Self.

And so on.

Genderqueer, gender non-conforming, and non-binary are all umbrella terms that weave in and out of each other. That overlap. Xenogender has become another umbrella term to describe the vastness of gender understandings while also being an individual label. It should be right along there with the other three. I understand the criticism that micro-labels only serve to enforce the power gender as a construct has over our lives.

However, like with all things I don’t think it’s so binary. Micro-labels, xenogenders, if they help someone understand themselves deeper in a more nuanced way; that is worth celebrating. Even if it may only be for a season, even if they change what words fit for them on a regular basis, even if it means that other trans people scorn them; I won’t.

My work is all about making space for queer people to step into themselves; into the vastness that is their queerness. For me, I embrace all that I am as being my Self because I believe all that I am is who I am. So if someone wants specific language & words to do that, I am here for it. Because I believe that the Self is a whole being that can’t be separated out and embracing our multitudes is the way forward.

On September 12th I did an IG live expanding on this topic! Click here to watch the recording.

#blog post #archive #originally posted some time ago

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sunstatehemp2 · 2 years

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A Perfect Party, Something a bit more exciting

Burning Man. t’s hard to describe the experience. The most important part of enjoying Burning Man or one of their associated event is to experience and savor each moment at these incredible festivals. Don’t allow outside forces to hinder your experience - instead, relax and enjoy some of our CBD full spectrum gummies; they are a sure way to let you relax and feel the vibe.

The peak of summer is fast approaching, and with it, Burning Man events, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Although Nevada has the most (in)famous one, the Burning Man Organization has events across the country - and the world - going on all summer long. If you’re a music lover, then you need to get ready for the environment that you'll be heading to. Start by packing several days’ worth of clothing, some electric transportation mode like an e-scooter, camping supplies to last you a week, your favorite delta 8 gummies (where local laws allow for it) and of course, your best techno playlist. To offer a quick word of wisdom, try not to run short of goodies and have to beg for supplies from your friends - or worse, spend a dream weekend without your favorite CBD and Recreational products,

Festivals can get incredibly crowded. Plus, if you're got a good stash of delta 8 gummies, expect to get hit up to share them. Some people embrace the adventure and the camaraderie, while others prefer not to bring any of their favorite supplies to an event of such magnitude (lest they get used up quickly). It's up to you how you want to handle it, but don’t forget to step outside of your comfort zone; if there was ever a time to go wild, then this is the time. Let loose a little, enjoy yourself! Festivals are the perfect time to try out new, exciting flavors while you experience the creativity on display.

If you’re going with a group of vapers, assign everyone a different kind of product to bring so you’ll have a variety to sample once you get there. If you're thinking of our CBD gummies, pick up a party pack that might be fun to share.

Delta 8 50 MG Gummies Small Pack, perfect to share.Mini-Pack Delta 8 THC Gummies

Here’s the short list of what to bring to a Burning Man event:

It’s the perfect time to bring in the party-ready “festival flavors.” Nothing screams "ready to party" more than the combination of art, music, and Delta 8 THC super-premium gummies. Don’t forget that you’re going to be at this kind of festival for several days; there will eventually come a moment when you’ll start to crave your mainstays. So, in addition to your delta 8 THC gummies, if you are into vaping, make sure to pack your favorite vape gear or e-liquids. As nice as it can be to experiment, you'll also want to have whatever makes you feel most at home.

Interact, Don't Just Observe

It's worth being aware that these festivals aren't as simple as just showing up and surviving for a week. There are endless events and activities in which you can participate, so get involved! Whether it be an obscure yoga class, watching a live TED talk, or a dance party, get involved with all that the Burning Man community has to offer. Your time there is about what you experience, not observe. if you are a little shy, share one of our fabulous Delta 8 pre-roll with some of your neighbors to break the ice.

Music festivals are a fantastic way to enjoy the great outdoors as well as a spiritual and artistic expression. But remember, you’re still likely to be living on battery packs and limited charge when you bring your devices.

Think of it like being at the Starbucks, Sure, there are charge ports that exist somewhere, but a whole hoard of coffee drinkers have already staked a claim on them and look like they’ll fight you if you get too close. It’s safe to assume you’ll have very little access to any kind of power outlets while you’re rocking out. So stock up on portable chargers and extra batteries to bring with you. And be sure you’ve charged them adequately before the event!

Remember that you’re at a festival, with thousands of people around you that are here to enjoy themselves in a peaceful and harmonious way; this might be a once-in-a-lifetime event for many of them, so be cool, courteous, and keep the love going.

Burning Man events are about Gifting, not the grift

One of the most well-known aspects of Burning Man is the existence of the gifting economy. The dollar is rarely used, if at all. Everyone spends their time giving gifts, which aren't just physical objects.

A gift can take the form of a smile, a helping hand, or a sweet compliment; it is indeed a very particular way that Burning Man events differentiate themselves from regular exchanges. If you've got something to share, make that your way of saying thanks for what others have put the time in to make.

When it comes to money, our advice to you is to only bring what you might need in an emergency, and leave the rest at home. The only currency you need to offer at Burning Man is the gifting kind.

Whatever else your heart desires, get ready to pack enough goodies and gifts. You will see how generous and giving people are in exchange, and how beautiful human nature is.

The CBD products we recommend are ideal for active festival environments. If you're craving some shuteye, pick up our Broad Spectrum Sleep PLUS Capsules. For maximum recovery after hours of dancing, unwind with our Muscle and Joint Arnica Balm when you're feeling sore. Nothing can bring down a Burning Man event for you like stiffness when you want to feel ready to party.

If you want to kick back further, pick up our Delta 8 THC 30mg lollipops, which are a fantastic way to relax and make for an awesome way to introduce yourself to others. If you're more the vape type, grab a jar of our Delta 8 Diamond Sauce for filling your vape with smooth diamonds and rich terpenes. It's easy to pack and the smoothness is undeniable.

Plus, who can resist Shots? Non-alcoholic, just delicious and packed with Delta 8 THC. Enjoy the Burning Man festivals, and remember: it's all about the love.

#cannabidiol #cannabis #cannabis community #cannabis culture #CBD #CBD cures #CBD heals

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butterflyspeaks96 · 2 years

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Marijuana(may 15 22)

Marijuana for me is more than just something to do, it’s more than just something that calms me(actually it can do the exact opposite), it has taught me so much and shown me so much of myself because in a sense it forces me to pay attention.

For me sense a kid, weed was always around. And honestly, I’d rather my future kid be a pothead over everything else they could do these days. My parents smoked, everyone that came thru smoked. My grandparents smoked. My actual father smoked. Everyone smoked. Weed and cigs. Which for the life of me I’m trying to put cigs down. (That shit really can be as difficult as fuck) Anyways. It was always around. I think I smoked a leaf 🤣🤦‍♀️ the first time when I was 13. I felt kinda a nicotine buzz.

I got stonnneddd the first time with my cousin. I think I waited a year or two. I stole it from parents. (I did that a lot actually. Shhhh confession time) uhhh but that’s when I was like okay I kinda like this.

I got insanely stoned the first time with my cousin when we were watching the house for the weekend for my parents. Their weed also funded our whole weekend getting higher than kites. I will never fucking forget 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙈 I got to the point where I was pacing back and forth. (Looking back this experience is actually extremely nice and funny to look at, it was one of my first spiritual experiences that asleep me had no idea about) but I was pacing back and forth and I said to my cousin “it’s like.....I’m here....but I’m not really here.....it’s like...I’m home....but I’m not really home....like I’m here but I’m not here dude”

Looking back weed has always done something to me. It became blatantly in my face in 2021. Some shit happened, & I will never question myself again in situations like that because weather my brain jumped to an extreme or not in that situation, my intuition had been trying to scream at me for months so it went a bit crazy to get my fucking attention.

August of 2021, I stopped smoking. I couldn’t. I was always paranoid around people when i smoked. I was paranoid at home when I was smoking. It just wasn’t fun. I figured I needed a break. I started therapy, got on some mental meds. I needed anxiety meds, weed in a round about way helped me see that about myself.

Are you following yet?

So, I got back on meds. Therapy was good, I unpacked my past relationship trauma. And we took the rose colored glasses off of what I actually went through. Of course I was always anxious, depressed, pissed, distancing. Not only was I personally going through my childhood and trying to unpack that, I was fucking dealing with someone who was a narcissist (and if you know me, actually know me. I hate labels and labeling people and passing judgement). My body was in a constant state of flight or fight for at least 3 years, which to me didn’t seem bad because I had dealt with the same shit as a kid. So it was normal to me. Until I looked myself in the mirror, cried, laid on the ground literally, cried. Screamed. Punched my bed. Started smoking weed again slowly.

At first I wouldn’t talk to anyone when I smoked weed again. I wrote a lot, I’d jam to music. Slowly but surely I realized when I’d start crying stoned I could feel Brittany. I can’t fucking tell you how I know it’s her, I can’t tell you how I fee it and it’s almost like she can talk to me. I can’t tell you how many night’s I’ve felt her come cuddle me. I don’t know who else I feel. But my brittbrat is one I’ve felt from day one. And I know her death catapulted my spiritual shit for sure.

So now, I started testing it. My cousin, I could be stoned and talk to on messenger. Gram I could smoke with because well she’s as blunt as they come so as blunt as I got I knew she could handle it or would giggle cause she’d realize I was like her. Mom I could always be stoned around, but I realized smoking with her I got extremely anxious, and tired, & kinda pissy and a little achy(that’s important). Keep following.

Smoking with gram helped me realize my brattiness (it applies to multiple parts of my life, you have to know me now to get it). I’m blunt, but I still try to be empathetic and understand other people’s emotions when I speak my truth if it’s something I know may hurt someone. However, smoking with gram got me to realization that when she was anxious, I was anxious, this is where my grounding practices came in and I still have to use from time to time to get myself back to me.

You see I’m empathetic. I’m highly empathetic. I’m highly sensitive. I can read energy, even if I act like I can’t sometimes. Doesn’t mean I will make note and act on your energy I can read, until it’s verbalized and communicated, I spent way tooo much of my life doing that shit.

When I partake in smoking weed, the veil thins for me, extremely! It took a long time for me to be able to handle the intensity that can come at me sometimes even alone. This is why I will only smoke with certain people. This is why I don’t smoke with just anyone, and need to get to know you before I smoke with you. It’s like putting my gifts I walk around sober with on steroids. It’s intense and it took me a second to actually accept these gifts and believe in them, and most importantly believe in myself.

So moral of the story. Weed can be potent. Be mindful of yourself. Not everyone is just a pothead. Some people actually use it for solid reasons. Don’t ask why someone won’t smoke with you if you know they smoke. Respect everyone’s process. But most importantly.

Where ever you are on your journey is where you need to be. Love that and accept that fact and take a deep breath. They’re will always be more work to do. We’re never done. Breathe. Just keep breathing. (That last one was brit coming out in me). Rest. But always get back up. You were born for this. You were built for this. Things crumble so other things can come together. Breathe. Keep fucking going.

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