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thelov3lybookworm · 6 months

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Remember Me? (Part five)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Under the Mountain, Y/n met the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She was scared of him, but soon she found out that he wasn't who he pretended to be. Despite her efforts at not falling in love with him, she fails. It's not that bad as he loves her back.

But now he's gone, and she's left alone with nothing.

Except for a very adorable reminder of him.

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: secret pregnancy, none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.

A/n: after this, I won't be tagging future parts as Rhysand x reader because this is turning into an eris x reader fic. Also, I'm sorry that it took me so long to post this! I'll try my best to be more frequent with updates ❣️

•○🌑○•

A loud squeal broke the silence, waking Y/n from her nap.

She groaned, turning her head, trying to bury her face in the pillow in hopes that it would drown out the noise of laughter and feet chasing around the house.

It was useless.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes before she squinted at the window, trying to gauge how long she had slept. The sun was high overhead when she had gone to sleep, and judging by its position now, she had slept for an hour at best.

Standing, she stretched. She looked around the room once as she pulled her hair up into a messy bun before she went downstairs.

The noise became louder and louder as she descended the stairs. Fin came running towards her, his little body slamming into her legs making her wobble dangerously. By the time she had regained her balance, he came into view.

At some point, he had discarded his heavy embroidered tunic, choosing to stay in the simple inner white shirt he wore. The shirt was thin, almost sheer, and a simple rope crisscrossing over Eris's chest held the garment together.

His gaze rose from Fin's body to Y/n's eyes, his grin faltering as he slowed down, panting. He gave her a quick once over, his eyes flickering to hers again. But then he grinned, returning his attention back to Fin.

"May I ask what the two of you are doing?" Y/n gently ran her fingers through Fin's soft white hair, slightly damp with sweat, her other hand resting on his shoulder.

He grinned up at her, his chin resting on her stomach as his hands clutched at her dress tightly. "We are playing. He is a soldier and I am the criminal. After he catches me, I will become the soldier and he the criminal."

Y/n smiled. "Are you not tired?"

Fin shook his head vigorously, his eyes sparkling.

Eris cleared his throat. Both mother and son looked at him. "I was wondering... if I could take Fin out?"

Y/n cocked her head. "Why?"

Eris shrugged. "I just thought it would be fun."

Y/n studied Eris.

It had been almost a month since that night when he had showed up at her door at midnight, and so far, he'd visited Fin almost everyday. Y/n was still trying to figure out why Eris was so interested in her son. She couldn't, for the life of her, make sense of Eris.

But his intentions didn't seem bad, so that was... a good thing?

Finally, she nodded, sighing. "Go. Have fun."

The hope on Fin's face turned into joy, and he turned to Eris with the biggest grin on his face. Eris returned it, grabbing the little boy's hand and sprinting off towards the living room.

"We'll be back soon!" Eris called out, and Y/n watched as he buttoned the last button on his tunic and led Fin out of the house. Or rather, Fin dragged Eris out of the house, the red haired male laughing at the youngling's enthusiasm.

A small smile bloomed on Y/n's face, and she had to make a conscious effort to wipe it off her face as she set to make dinner.

•○🌑○•

Y/n paused with her teacup midway to her mouth as a knock sounded on the door. It hadn't been all that long since Fin and Eris had left, and she wondered if it was them. By the excitement in Eris's eyes, Y/n had figured it would be quite some time before they returned.

The knock came again, more confident this time, and Y/n rushed to stand from the couch. "Coming!"

She set her cup on the center table, walking briskly towards the door.

And then she opened the door.

Which was honestly not the best choice, she decided as soon as she got a glimpse of who stood on the other side. She wondered if it would have been better if she just pretended that no one was home instead of screaming to let her guest know she was coming.

The only thing that kept her from slamming the door shut in his face was his appearance.

He looked like he'd been through hell.

And if Y/n was the one saying it, then it was a serious issue, because she had seen him go through literal hell under the mountain. She had seen him at his worst, and she still had never seen him this haggard.

She studied him, her hand tightening on the door handle.

There were dark circles under his eyes, so dark they made him look a little pale. Or maybe he had gone pale. His eyes were tired, no light in his those beautiful purple orbs Y/n had once adored so much.

"Y/n..."

The hoarseness in his voice snapped her out of the haze that had fallen over her, and she began to close the door.

But she couldn't do it because Rhysand's hand snapped out, his palm flat against the wood of the door. "Please, Y/n, I just want to talk. Please."

The sadness, the guilt in the once smooth, now rough voice gave her pause.

She wondered what to do. Her heart told her to let him in, not only into the house but in her and her son's life. Her brain scoffed at her heart's pathetic response and told her to slam the door shut in the bastard's face.

After a moment of contemplating, she decided to let him into the house, and her brain shook its head at her.

But the grateful look in his eyes prompted her to ignore her sane mind.

She shut the door behind her, watching quietly as Rhysand took in the toys lying haphazardly throughout the room, the papers drawn on with crayons, the chocolate stains on a shirt of Fin lying nearby. Y/n hadn't even noticed the shirt lying there. Maybe Eris had changed Fin's clothes when Y/n was sleeping.

She watched as Rhysand swallowed, his throat bobbing. There was so much emotions swirling in his eyes, Y/n had the urge to pull him in for a hug and never let go, whispering promises of forever and a family in his ear, just like before.

Just like before, when Feyre hadn't existed in their lives and it was just the two of them, keeping each other alive and sane under the mountain.

Y/n sighed, pushing those thoughts away. She couldn't think like that. She wouldn't.

The expulsion of air from her made Rhysand turn around, sadness and a plea in his eyes. Maybe a little tint of hope, but Y/n decided she did not see it.

"What did you want to talk about?" She muttered, wrapping her arms across her chest.

A small smile curled Rhysand's lips, one that didn't meet his eyes and told Y/n that it was a ruse because he was trying to not break down.

She could read him like a book, but maybe that's what happened when you spent almost half a century with someone.

"Straight to the point, eh? What happened to hellos and how are yous?"

Y/n gave him an unimpressed look, and he sighed. "i... I'm here to beg for forgiveness. I'm sorry."

That made Y/n roll her eyes and she straightened from where she was leaing against the counter behind her and made to turn away.

But suddenly a muffled thud sounded, and Y/n whipped her head towards where Rhys had fallen to his knees, his eyes wide and pleading, filled with tears. Her eyes widened, unchecked shock coursing through her.

She knew he would never go to his knees for anyone or anything other than his court, knew how much significance the tattoos on his knees held.

He lifted his hands in front of his face, shaking so badly that Y/n had the urge to hold them and never let go.

"What are you doing?" She asked, holding her heart on a leash.

The tears began streaming down his cheeks and his lip wobbled, staring up at her as he opened his mouth to speak. "Please forgive me. Please. I havent been able to slep or eat or do anything since we met that day. I cant think of anything except you and Finnian. please Y/n, forgive me. please."

"Rhys... we talked about this. You can't just waltz back into my life as you see fit. Where were you when i needed you? Where were you when Fin needed you? Why are you back now? It can't be because Fin is your- your son. You already have another one."

Rhys opened his mouth, but a sob escaped instead of words.

And Y/n's heart shattered right alongside the broken voice in which he spoke next. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I need you Y/n, I need you back."

Y/n dropped to her knees too, settling back on her heels as she stared at him, horrified. "What?"

He nodded, running a hand through his hair. "I still love you. I never stopped."

Y/n laughed without humour. "And what about Feyre? Huh? Is she disposable to you? Are all females disposable to you, oh mighty high lord?"

Rhysand winced. "Y/n please."

And then the leash on Y/n's anger snapped, and she snarled at rhys. "Please what rhys? Please what? Come back to you, even though you are mated, married and a father?"

"Yes!" Rhys snapped back at her, leaving her stunned. She was more shocked of the answer than his tone.

She blinked slowly, a tear slipping out of her eyes as she stared at Rhys's panting form, his eyes furious. "Yes, I fucking want you to come back to me. I am ready to leave everyone and everything behind to give my life, my time, my everything to you."

"You are telling me to destroy another female's, another child's life just so I could have you?" Her voice was no longer loud. It was soft as a feeling of resignation spread through her.

Nodding, he crawled forward, towards Y/n, making her scoot back until her back was against the wall.

"Rhys..." She whispered, trying to get his attention for long enough to tell him to get lost, but his eyes that had been staring into hers were now fixated on her lips. She pulled her knees to her chest as she monitored his every movement, her heart beating in her throat.

"Rhys." This time he met her gaze, and she was shocked to find hunger in that violet gaze.

He prowled closer on all fours, simply staring at Y/n the whole while.

When he was practically on top of her, he leaned forward, one of his hands rising to cup her cheek. "Y/n..."

"No..." She muttered on an exhale, but she couldn't do anything to stop him. It was as if someone had gotten into her mind and was forcing her to stay still.

But no matter how much she protested, she still wanted him. Wanted him to kiss her, to hold her, to be with her and to be hers. Only hers. She didn't want to share him with any human turned fae filth.

No. No. No. This is not what I think. What is going on?!

His face was inches from hers, his eyes searching her eyes as his face lowered, only a few inches between them. A hairsbreadth between them. And then finally, finally-

A loud knock on the door jolted Y/n, making her flinch. It was like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped onto her head, making her realise she was about to let Rhys back in.

Rhys growled, deep and low as his head swung towards the door. But then he froze, his head turning back towards her, slowly, his feral eyes meeting hers. Betrayal swirled in them, and something like guilt climbed up Y/n's throat.

He had smelled who was out there, and he was not happy. "What is he–"

She didn't give him a chance to finish, pushing him away with her hand on his chest as she climbed to her feet from her position on the floor and stalking towards the door. He made a sound of frustration behind her, and it prompted her to open the door quicker.

Eris smiled at her as soon as the door was open, Fin asleep in his arms, one of his hands holding a number of bags Y/n didn't bother to count.

She swallowed as he made to step inside. She hesitantly stepped aside as he began speaking. "We would have been out for longer, but then Fin was getting tired, and he also fell and scraped his knee. As soon as I picked him up, he fell asleep."

Eris shook his head, a soft smile on his face.

But then he stilled, his head twisting to look at where Rhys was now standing, glaring daggers at him.

If looks could kill, both the males would be dead, because both of them stared at each other like their mother was killed with a stick, and neither of them backed down.

"What are you doing with my son?" Rhys spoke in a deadly voice, prowling up to Eris like the predator he was.

Eris, to his credit, didn't waver. "Something you are not doing for your son."

Rhys snarled, lunging across the space between him and Eris, his hands outstretched towards Fin's sleeping form.

In a moment of panic, she threw herself in front of Rhys, and he jerked to a stop, his eyes blazing.

"Get away from him Y/n." Rhys snarled.

Y/n shook her head. She turned, meeting Eris's eyes, silently pleading.

Eris's own eyes were filled with deadly intent, but he quietly handed Fin over to his mother.

Y/n walked away from the two fuming males, not wanting anything to do with their bullshit. She knew both of them were pissed and not in their right minds.

But when were males in their right minds?

She gently set Fin on his bed, trying her best not to jostle him. And then she walked out, closing the door behind her. If the two males out there decided they were going to be having a screaming match, she would rather not have her son hear it.

When she walked out, she found the two of them still glaring at each other, but now there was a little more space between them.

As soon as they felt her, they whipped their heads to look at her. She could feel both their eyes following her every movement as she went and stood near Eris. Not near enough to touch, but enough to make a point.

That she trusted Eris more than her former lover.

Rhysand looked like he was about to go on a murder spree, but before he could do that, Y/n spoke.

"Leave."

Rhys laughed, begining to stalk forward. "no."

When he was close, he reached out his hand to her fsce, as if he was going to grab her.

But his touch never came.

Baceuse Eris had pushed his hand between the two of them and was having an intense staring match with rhys.

"She told you to leave."

"And I said no." Rhys muttered, eyeing the hand in front of Y/n.

"She. Told you. To leave. You don't want me to repeat myself."

Rhys lifted his eyes to Eris, then to Y/n. She looked away, her hand instinctively reaching towards Eris.

She realised it a little late. She was trying to shield herself from Rhys.

Rhys laughed again, a deranged sound.

"You will regret this Eris Vanserra. I will make you regret it." Then, in a voice that would have made greater men piss themselves, he mumbled. "I banish you from the night court. Leave while you still can. You have till sunset to leave, and if after that you still haven't left, I will hunt you down like the animal that you are and bathe in your fucking blood."

And then, Rhys simply stalked up to the door, nearly ripped it from its hinges, and walked out.

Eris then turned to Y/n and silently pulled her into his arms.

She let him.

And she let down walls keeping her emotions in check.

She clutched his shirt in her fingers as if she'd die if she ever let go, and cried and cried and cried until she couldn't anymore.

And before long, she heard the whispered words in her ear.

"Come with me to autumn court. Let me take care of you."

•○🌑○•

Part 6

Taglist: @awoa1 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @luvmoo @we-were-beautiful @eerievixen @zoe2 @fussel9913 @j-pendragonx @thesnugglingduck @jesssicapaniagua @devilsnightz @esposadomd @littleffawn @mandowhatnow @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @princesslolaasworld @asemkta @cat-or-kitten @txzii @bunnyredgirl @theofficialmadman @leeknows-wife @aria-chikage @amygdtjhddzvb @azriels-mate123 @inky-clover @kemillyfreitas @12358 @justdreamstars @cuethedepession @princessvesta

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onboardsorasora · 2 months

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For de aged Daniel, max has a stream with red line that he can’t get out of so he sets Daniel up with a coloring station and Daniel draws the two of them racing or on the podium. So obvs he has to show max and he does so during the stream which is how the Max Verstappen secret kid rumors start

And since the kid is wearing so much Ferrari people assume that it’s a secret Lestappen baby which max hates because he loves Daniel and Charles is just laughing at all of the tweets/chaotically liking them to add to the rumors

“Mate, when are you gonna be able to get here?” Max asked over the phone, keeping an eye at the coffee table where Little Daniel was colouring with his tongue sticking out adorably while he concentrated.

“Mate, I told you I'm gonna be late. I am helping maman with something, then I will be there.” Charles' voice was distant on the phone and Max sighed explosively.

“Ok, the door code is the same. I have to jump on.”

“It will be fine, Max.” Charles tried to soothe before they hung up. Max looked towards Little Daniel. “Daniel, Charles will be here soon. Are you ok out here while I go into a meeting?”

“Shaarrllll.” Little Daniel drawled, not looking up from choosing his next colour.

“Daniel? Did you hear me?” Max asked again softly.

“Yeah Maxy. I'll shtay here.” Little Daniel nodded up at Max, brown eyes bright.

“Pinky promise?” Max asked sticking out his finger.

Little Daniel looked at him consideringly before hooking his pinky with a grin. “I'm gonna draw you a picture Maxy!” He declared.

“I'd love one thank you, Daniel.”

Max went into his sim room after taking a long look at Little Daniel who took a new sheet of paper and started colouring again. He settled himself in his rig and joined the stream, apologizing for being late.

“Everything ok, Mate?” Crane asked. Max glanced up at the camera and waved before straightening his shirt across his chest while he watched them play a round.

“Yeah, I just had to deal with something. Of course, I would never miss staring into your eyes Crane.” Max laughed when his friends snorted.

They set up for iRacing, Max letting the chatter wash over him while he slowly tried to relax and stop listening out for Little Daniel in the other room. Little Daniel had snacks, he had his crayons, paper and a colouring book. The TV was also on, playing another race, and Jimmy and Sassy were around to distract him. He only needed to last at most a half an hour before Charles came.

After the first race– that Max won, he begged off a minute and turned off his camera. He got up and peaked out of the room to see Little Daniel where he left him, looking up at the TV attentively and nibbling his finger.

Max sighed and relaxed further before climbing back in the rig. He came back to chaos as Bennett and Gianni were arguing about whether iguanas truly fell asleep if it got too cold. Max joined in, stating a few animal facts he learned while looking up information for Little Daniel.

They're going through qualifying again when the door to the sim room busts open. It wasn't fully closed in the first place so Little Daniel met little resistance when he barrelled in like the koolaid man.

“Maxy! I finished it!” He's waving his drawing around like a flag. Max's eyes widen and he lunged for his camera, fumbling to turn it off.

“Fu–sorry mate! He's really fast.” Charles charged in and scooped up Little Daniel in his arms. Max yanked off his headphones and turned to look at Little Daniel who is smiling broadly at him before frowning at Charles.

“Shaarrllll I wanna show Maxy!” Little Daniel whined, his body going toddler tantrum tense.

“How about we make him another one then put it on the fridge so he'll see it as soon as he's finished his meeting?” Charles tried to bargain, walking out of the room. Max heard the first sounds of Daniel's unhappy cries and followed them out of the room.

Little Daniel looked up at Max with wide, wet, unhappy eyes and Max reached for him. He pressed his face in Max's neck unhappily and Max rubbed his little back, underneath his red Ferrari shirt.

Max took the crumpled picture that Little Daniel still clutched and looked at it while small hands squeezed around his neck. It was a picture of Max and Little Daniel in their race suits in front of a race car.

“Thank you for the drawing Daniel. It is lovely.” Max said softly, soothingly. Little Daniel sniffed loudly and scrubbed at his eyes

“You like it?” He sniffled.

“I do! Can you and Charles make me another one?”

Little Daniel nodded against Max's neck and Max thought he must have been very upset to forgo his usual “Sharl” vocal stim.

Max looked over to see Charles watching him with an unreadable expression. Max ignored him and put Little Daniel safely in his arms.

“I'm going to beg off the rest of the stream. I'll be back in five I think.”

“Of course. Sorry.” Charles looked contrite but Max waved it off.

He got back in his rig and put on his headphones, listening in as the guys gained control over the stream again after his very abrupt departure. The chat was going wild based on what Max could see. He turned on his camera and Crane visibly relaxed.

“Everything ok over there Maxy Max?”

“Yeah mate. But I've got to go, something's come up.”

“Would that something happen to be toddler shaped?” Gianni asked

“Was that Charles??” Bennett jumped in.

“I'll talk to you guys later. Bye!” Max turned off his camera and mic quickly, before shutting everything down and quitting the room. He found Charles and Little Daniel exactly where he left them and Little Daniel raised his hands immediately when he saw Max, wanting to be lifted. Max obliged without hesitation.

Both Max and Charles’ phone went off at the same time– denoting a group chat message. Max watched curiously as Charles' eyes widened.

“Oh no.”

“What's happened?”

“Apparently we have a love child.” Charles raised his phone to show the looping gif of Little Daniel running up to Max and Charles coming to scoop him up before Max turns off his camera.

“Well, crap.” Max muttered.

“Shaarrllll….crap.” Little Daniel mumbled tiredly against Max's skin.

“No, Daniel we don’t need to repeat that.” Max mumbled, narrowing his eyes at Charles who was giggling at his phone. “What are you doing?”

“Mate, the internet works so fast, theres already theories about which one of us got pregnant.” Charles snickered into his palm and Max rolled his eyes, knowing he was on twitter liking tweets. Well there went his hope that this would blow over quickly.

“Why would I even want to have a baby with you?” Max groused, not wanting Daniel to be seen as he and Charles’ anything.

“I would be a good mommy, no?” Charles rubbed his belly before giggling again. “I am going to call Lando to sort this all out.”

“You do that, Daniel and I are going to order pizza.” He rolled his eye before looking down at Little Daniel who seemed to perk up a little. “Would you like to choose the pizza?”

Little Daniel nodded against his chest before covering his face. Max frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m schowy.” He mumbled while biting his palm.

“What for?”

“I-” Little Daniel frowned and looked at the floor sadly.

“Daniel?”

“I broke the pinky pwomise.” He whispered morosely. “‘Shell says it's bad. I didn’t mean to Maxy.”

Max felt that cuteness aggression that he’d become very accustomed to feeling. He stopped himself from squeezing Daniel’s little body to his chest and stroked his hair instead.

“It's ok bud, you didn’t mean to. You were just excited.”

“I won’t do it again. Pwomise!” Little Daniel vowed.

“I believe you, let's get some juice. Do you want juice?” Little Daniel nodded and Max walked them into the kitchen, ignoring Charles’ heart eyes and the phone trained in their direction.

#skskskskssks #de aged daniel #maxiel #max/daniel #my fic #answered #anonymous

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tommykinrd · 9 months

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Hi! Very embarrassing gif-making question, feel free to ignore if it's too complicated, but how do you layer two gifs on top of each other like that? Whenever I try, one of them always freezes

Hi anon! Not embarrassing at all, I'm happy to show you how I layer two gifs on top of each other. I'll be using this gif from my recent ineffable husbands set as an example:

You'll need a basic knowledge of gifmaking and photoshop, and I'll put the rest of this under the cut in case it gets long.

Creating your gifs

So to start off, you want to create both your gifs in separate documents. Most of my gifmaking process happens in timeline mode, and you want to make sure that both your gifs are smart objects.

I like to have both gifs open side by side in windows so that I can make sure that my colouring is consistent and that both scenes have a similar brightness when I'm done colouring. This is important because to overlay/blend gifs, they need to have similar lighting for best results. (If your photoshop opens up the gifs as tabs, just click on where the file name is and drag the tab anywhere outside of the top bar so that it opens up as a window).

This is how my gifs look before colouring, and how each of the layers panels look (I've already added my sharpening, which is why each gif has two smart object layers).

And this is how my gifs look after I add my base colouring + the yellow for this gifset:

2. Making groups

Now from here on it's fairly simple. First we want to put all our gif layers in a group so that it's easier to transfer them to the same canvas while still keeping them easy to edit in case we need to make adjustments afterwards.

So select all your gif layers by holding the shift key and clicking on your first and last layer.

Then to make a group you can either use the command + g keys (ctrl + g on windows) while all the layers are selected, or you can click on the little folder icon at the bottom of the layers panel.

You can then double click on the group that was created and rename it. I like to put a word or phrase that describes the scene, so I've named these 'bandstand' for the gif on the left and 'car' for the gif on the right. At this point, your gifs are still in separate documents.

3. Overlaying the two gifs

Now all you have to do is copy and paste one of the groups onto the other gif's canvas. For me, it doesn't matter which group I copy, so for this I'm going to copy the 'car' group by selecting the group in the layers panel and using the command + c keys (ctrl + c).

I then click over to the other gif's canvas (you should see the other folder name in the layers panel, so in this case I'll see it say 'bandstand'). To paste, you just need to use command + shift + v (ctrl + shift + v). The shift key ensures that the positioning of your gif stays the same.

So now you should only see your second gif on the canvas, and both your groups in the layers panel, like so.

Making sure your top group is selected, change the blending mode of the group to either 'screen' or 'lighten' depending on your preferences (if you're working with really bright scenes, it might also be worth trying out 'multiply'). Your gifs should then overlay on top of each other, and play simultaneously when you scrub through the timeline and save the gif.

And this is how the gif looks when saved:

4. Final touches

If you're not happy with how the overlay looks, you can do a bunch of things to make it appear the way you want. I use a combination of resizing, layer masks, and painted layers to hide/show different portions of the gifs. You can also modify the colourings at this point, add text/overlays, adjust the brightness, and add painted colour layers. At the end, just convert back to frames and adjust the speed.

After all this, I end up with the final result which is this. As you can see, I darkened the side of his face in the smaller gif and made the brighter part stand out more clearly. I also adjusted the shade of yellow using an extra hue/sat layer.

I hope this helps anon! Please let me know if you still have questions or if you run into any trouble!

Here are some other blending/gif overlay tutorials that I found very helpful as well: 1, 2, 3

#answered #Anonymous #*tutorial #alielook #userriel #userraffa #userdean #usernorah #usersalty

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oathkeeperoxas · 8 months

Text

TOP GUN / Icemav fic recs part 6

Hello there! I am back with more icemav fic recs

Rec list 1 here

Rec list 2 here

Rec list 3 here

Rec list 4 here

Rec list 5 here

after chasing sunsets by @keroujack

Ice wasn’t totally sure whose idea it was. The party down at the beach to celebrate the last term of 1989. The way he figured, it didn’t really matter. Whose idea it was. All that mattered was that he got an invite. A quick, “Hey, Ice. Bonfire down at the beach later. BYOB,” while Dodger and Cobra passed him in the hall on a Friday morning in mid-November and an easy “You going to the party later?” while Mav was between sharp bites of an apple during lunch that same afternoon.

This is so soft and good, I love it when characters share clothes and what it reveals about them in the sharing - and this fic did not disappoint!

where the sea meets the sand by @gohoubi

Maverick and Iceman spend a summer's day on a private beach.

This fic is so sweet and good, I love the flirting and cuddling and how very, very fond of each other Mav and Ice are here 🥺

Hazard Pay by @icemankazansky

Maverick has a stressful day coming up at work, and Ice helps him deal with his nerves.

One of the icemav fics of all time!! Mav tying Ice up is just soooo very good, and the author does it so well here

green eyes, red face by ironicpanicattack

The next day, when Mav wakes up sweaty, with his stomach panging and his emotions on an absolute hair-trigger, he figures he has to get it out of the way. “I’m not nice,” he says, curled up around Ice like a limpet. “When I get into it.” “You’re not nice the rest of the time, either,” Ice says, teasing. “You’re so funny, Kazansky,” Mav says. “A real comedian.” - Or: the first time that Mav shares his heat with Ice.

This is the only omega!Mav fic that I've ever read that has felt in character to me, so sharing to spread the love 💖

I'll pull you up and push you right by @icemav86

“Hey, Ice?” He looks over as he gets Ice’s attention and asks quietly, “It’s ok for me to hear you. In bed. You know that, right?” Or, Maverick sets out to help Ice find his voice.

I did cry, good reader, I did cry. Mav's patience and understanding and how they work together to find a way to move forward in a way that suits them both... I am emotional about it.

Blackberry Pie by @topgunreacts

After the Layton, Maverick returned to TOPGUN. Two weeks later, so did Ice.

I very much adore how Ice and Mav met each other half way in this. The pie!!! Having big feelings about it. Love that for them.

You've Got A Face With A View by @brendaonao3

"Just let me do this, alright." Mav's gaze softened, but he stayed wrapped firmly around Ice's body. "See yourself through my eyes, and let me objectify my hot ass husband." (Or: Mav shows Ice how much he loves Ice's body just the way it is)

Mav is sipping his loving Ice juice, and it is FULLY on display here. Established and older icemav are such a fav for me, and this delivered with the weight of all that history between them!

it's just you and me now by silas705

Ice takes Maverick for a flight

I really enjoyed all the plane facts throughout this - it's obvious that the author really is a pilot. It really adds to the story and characters super nicely!

Mr. Blue Sky by omnidirectional

Tragedy first brings Iceman into Bradley’s life, but he quickly becomes the steadiest presence of the boy’s childhood… until a betrayal tears their small family apart. After years of silence, can Bradley find the words to make up for lost time? Five times Ice sings to Bradley, and the one time Bradley sings to Ice.

A phenomenal read that I would truly recommend to anyone interested in Ice and Bradley's relationship, as it's the true star of the show here. It also has a sequel which I equally recommend.

#icemav #top gun #rec list #fic rec #maverick #iceman #so many good fics and excellent authors... i love eating well

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possiblylando · 9 months

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An 'Early' Analysis of Chainsaw Man Chapter 138

Woah hey I'm back, I didn't feel like talking about the past few chapters cause I didn't feel like I had anything to add since they all seemed pretty straight forward. That being said this chapter gives me alot of talk about. So we get a name for Sex Offender Girl. Boy this woman only gets worse the more we learn about her. Mifune is quite literally a government plant in denji's high school.

It's refreshingly disgusting the type of shit these girls will put denji through. It's like Fujimoto keeps trying to one up himself each time he introduces a new "love interest" (Mifune is not a love interest she is a sexual predator let's keep this 100% clear). Maki was a groomer, Mifune is just a straight up Pedophile. She is going to have such a satisfying death I can feel it. This chapter goes on to confirm a few things. First off, Yoshida is apart of Public Safety. Which sorta debunks a previous thought I had of him being apart of another group. I am interested to learn 1. What Divison 7 does 2. Which Division Yoshida is in Given we know 4 was the rejects and 5 are hybrids. My best guess is that Division 7 is a sort of Espionage/Intel Division. Yoshida likely also belongs to Division 7 unless he's got some silliness going on, Which is very likely. Actually- I just now realized something. She calls it "Special Division 7" not Division 7. Looking through the list of Division members on the Wiki, That Special Prefix is very important. The Special Divisions are all full of freaks and monsters. This Sex Offender is more than likely a monster all to her own if she's apart of a Division we've never even heard of.

Public Safety is just as fucked up as actual governments. It's great.

I hate that she's winning me over. I want this woman dead stop making me think she's silly. Fujimoto is really good at humanizing horrible people. It mirrors real life monsters who tend to blend in with society and even seem charming on the surface. Moving on from this fucking Sex Offender. Asa continues to be the realest character in the series.

I doubt I even need to say anything about how real she is. Asa is a deeply disturbed and neglected person who's shut off from the world despite her own need to validation and recognition. She and Denji are different sides of the same coin. While she tries not to show it, The fulfillment she receives from praise seeps through. This scene specifically resonated with me a ton.

I wish we got a better look into Denji's thoughts in this scene. I can't even really get a grasp on what he must be thinking through all of this. In the last few days he's lost a major part of himself and has been replaced in face by a fraud and in action by a girl who he was forced to dump by his sister. There was a moment here before the reveal on this very page where I was thinking Swords was someone else. It was clearly someone from Part 1. He had a hoodie so maybe it was Violence? But that couldn't be real Violence was killed by Darkness. WAIT- BEAM? No I couldn't be beam he's been dead aswell. The Chapter is called Swordman so then maybe it's Katana man's return? No he wouldn't be on speaking terms with Denji after his testicles got mashed. So then-

Turns out it's the Longsword Hybrid from the end of Part 1. Yeah turns out he's alive. Which as many people have pointed out, Means the rest of the Hybrids are alive. So is Reze alive? Certain fans seem to think she is. At this point she seems to be the only match for Denji who isn't a complete psycho. But she still tried to kill him. But then Denji was still willing to run away with her at the end of the fight. If she does come back I hope she and Denji don't rush into a relationship, Let them chill for a bit before getting into anything serious Fujimoto please. If Reze really is alive I'll talk about her more in depth when she shows back up. But I need to say my peace.

The Whip Hybrid is going to be insane popular and so many of them are going to be just as Horny as Anime-Only Makima fans. I hope Swords ends up being chill with Denji and not another dickhead who tries to kill him. Denji needs another Male friend who doesn't treat him like shit. His only known ""friend"" in part 2 is yoshida and we all know yoshida has not been treating him well.

#chainsaw man #csm #denji hayakawa #asa mitaka #sword man #csm 138 #chainsaw man 138 #fumiko mifune

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margarethx · 3 months

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I was genuinely surprised with the responses I've got on the first part of [THIS story]. It was such a random burst of motivation to write that I didn't even think it through and just posted whatever came out of my head. But I'm very glad that you liked it, since it's the first story I've showed to other people in like 4 years.

The working title will be "Assassinate them with Kindness", and I'll use that as a tag for later parts when I add them. It's also [available on Ao3] if you'd prefer to read it over there.

Enjoy <3

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The weird man does not go to Sam's group on Monday.

Which is not as big of a relief as Sam thought it would be.

Because if the man is not here... where is he? And why did he even ask if he could join the group? Was he just taunting Sam? Teasing him with the knowledge or Sam's schedule and whereabouts, but not revealing how and for what purpose did he get that information?

Sam briefly glances at his wrist, covered neatly by a long-sleeved shirt and a warm blazer. The day is way too hot for this type of clothing, but he refused to look at the bruises on his skin for more than two seconds after noticing them for the first time. He still feels the pain, but it's easier to make it fade into the background, if he pretends it isn't there at all.

In spite of his nervousness and constant worry, Sam leads his group like a true professional. Calm, collected, funny when needed. A shining example of an ex-soldier who has left most of their PTSD far behind by working hard to healthily rejoin society. Definitely not a person, who started carrying a gun in public again after singular weird encounter, and who constantly has to fight with himself to not look over his shoulder and check if there isn't anyone watching him from the shadowed backroom.

But the man was not there. The meeting went well. And all the people leaving the room with their polite "good bye's" and casual "see ya!'s" have no idea about the turmoil in his head.

"See you Thursday," Sam smiles pleasantly and grabs Tyler's hand with both palms, shaking it lightly, as a young vet stops by. "It's nice to see you again. It's been a while," he adds, hoping that his eyes convey genuine warmth.

Tyler is young - too young to deal with this sort of trauma. A typical example of a teenager pulled into a military machine by life circumstances, not because of any principled believes. He went to have a better chance at higher education afterwards. And he lost half of his right leg for it.

He is secretly Sam's favourite in the group, with his sense of humour and positive attitude. Though Sam is sure there is a lot of fears and sadness hidden behind all the jokes, because he acted the exact same way when he first sought out help after coming home. It was easy to see the reflection of younger Sam in Tyler's behaviour.

And it was also great to have someone in the group who could keep everyone's mood relatively light when topics were getting heavy, without making others feel as if their confessions were not treated seriously. It was, of course, Sam's job to control the atmosphere as best as he could , but on days like this - when he himself didn't feel stellar - it was a relief to not shoulder all the emotional weight of the meeting on his own.

"Is everything alright, Mr. Wilson?" Tyler asks, also shaking Sam's hands a little.

"It's Sam, we've talked about this," Sam smiles, deflecting by playing their classic game of arguing over formality levels of their relation. It's a bit worrying. To know that he can put on a mask and his vets might notice his distress anyway. But no one else said anything, so maybe he fooled the rest of them successfully?

"Apologies. Is everything alright, Mr. Sam Wilson?"

Tyler sends him a bright grin and Sam sighs. He doesn't have much energy left to argue or pretend. He did not sleep very well last week, to put it lightly.

"I'm alright," he finally replies without much conviction. "It's personal stuff, you don't need to worry about this. It should be resolved by the next meeting," he adds, hoping that this little lie will make his situation look like a solvable problem with the end in sight. Maybe if he believes in it hard enough it would even come true?

For now, it seems that Tyler buys the explanation and drops the topic. As they exchange goodbyes, he still glances at Sam with a slight frown, but he doesn't push. It'd be unusual if he did. As much as Sam loves working with these people and helping them, they're not that close. His vets don't get involved in his personal life.

...They don't know where he lives, for example...

Sam shakes his head to stop himself from thinking and gathers the papers on his desk with a bit more energy than the task requires. He needs to get out of here. The conference room he uses is relatively big, but the walls seem to get closer and closer, the ceiling pressing down on him.

He exits the building, taking long steps, and avoiding everyone's eyes. Fortunately, most people he passes don't know him, so he's not stopped for any conversations about his last weekend and all the fun his co-workers had while he sat on his guestroom floor surrounded by unhealthy snacks, and wondering if it's reasonable to invest his meager savings in an upgraded security system.

It's embarrassing, when he thinks back to those three days. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.

But something about that man... About his eyes. About the bruises he left.

Sam really tried to not look at them too closely to avoid spiraling again, but he's pretty sure his skin almost broke in some places, as if pinched too hard. The only reason he didn't notice it right away was probably the sheer rush of adrenaline that flooded him in that moment and dulled the pain.

Once he's outside, Sam leans on a nearby wall, out of everyone's sight, unsure of what to do next. Even though he spent the last weekend hidden in his home, the place did not feel safe. All he could focus on were unusual noises or the headlights of random cars passing by, casting uneven shadows on his walls. At some point he was sure one specific shadow looked like a person, but when he carefully peered outside, his garden was empty, with the exception of a small bat the flew in circles under the nearest lamppost, catching moths in peace.

Normally, he'd stay, watching the little guy and reminiscing about the time he too could fly at such speed, but it didn't feel safe, so he moved as far away from the window as possible.

All Sam wants right now is to get back to his bed and hide under the covers, go to sleep, and wake up to realize that the whole thing was just a dream.

His bag slips from his shoulder when he slumps against the wall and the strap catches on his wrist. He hisses in pain, reminded once more - as if he forgot, somehow - that his paranoia is actually justified and that his home is not some safe haven he'd like it to be. Because someone strong enough to nearly break his bones with a strong grip knows where he lives and could come back at any second.

If the guy was a real vet, why didn't he come to the meeting?

And again... if he's not here... Where is he?!

Sam readjusts his bag and straightens up. He cannot come home right now, but he needs to sleep somewhere. He could ask one of his new friends to take their couch for the night... but it's not Delacroix and his friendships here are not on the "sleepover" level yet. And if the man decides to look for him, Sam would drag the danger to someone else's home.

He's not that selfish.

Maybe he could find someone on a dating app and stay the night?

He shudders at the idea. It reeks of desperation even to his clouded brain. He would not do that to some random innocent person. And he would not do that to himself. He has enough dignity left.

The mere fact that he came up with a solution like that sobers him up a little bit. It sounds almost ridiculous and he's sure he would laugh about it one day... if he lives long enough to tell the story about his lowest point post-Afganistan.

What he needs to do is to go to a public space. A place with cameras, a nice crowd with enough eyes, to catch if something's wrong - but not crowded enough that a person would fade into the sea of faces and moving bodies.

With that in mind, Sam takes another deep breath to calm himself and marches towards the nearest bar he knows. The place is probably half-empty at this hour, but an evening wave of patrons should start trickling in pretty soon.

The inside of the establishment is a bit too dark for Sam's liking, but as he sits at the bar he feels some of the tension leave his body at last. Behind the bartender there is a freshly cleaned mirror, showing most of the tables, so Sam can keep an eye on the room while eating.

He's not in the mood for drinking - mostly to stay vigilant, not because he couldn't use a nice glass of whiskey right now - but the place offers some typical fast food options, so he picks them from the menu instead. He'll have to really push himself during the next training session to pay for the sugar and fat intake of the last four days, but he feels like he's earned the right to be indulgent for at least a while.

As he eats, Sam observes other patrons suspiciously, looking over his shoulder from time to time. At some point he's sure he feels someone's eyes on his back, but no one new entered the building in the last twenty minutes and the people on nearby tables seem preoccupied with their own thoughts and conversations, so he's sure it's just the paranoia.

It's starting to get dark outside and the bar fills with shadows before someone turns on a few extra laps. There are more people sitting around Sam now, some staring in silence into their drinks, others talking casually, or flirting with the bartender, as per usual.

The guy behind the bar seems cute. Probably a bit younger than Sam's typical partner, but still in his bracket. He accepts the compliments with a calm smile not cutting them off right away, but not doing much to encourage the attention. Sam gets a little lost for a second, observing the man's hands as he prepares the drinks, almost hypnotized by the movents.

Suddenly, one of the patrons - one that's been sitting by the bar before Sam even came in - drops her wallet in a clumsy attempt to pay the bill. She smiles awkwardly at the bartender, who simply grabs the wallet for her from the floor, clearly used to similar shenanigans.

As the guy leans forward, a curtain of thin braids covers his face for a brief second and he glances somewhere in Sam's general direction from between them before standing up.

Sam freezes.

The man looks basically nothing alike the guy who stood at his doorstep last week, but something about that look causes the memories to flood Sam once again. He feels dizzy and the comfortable atmosphere of the bar becomes overwhelming and stuffy in a blink of an eye.

He nearly jumps out of his chair and makes a beeline to the bathroom. He's not sure why. He just needs to... Wash his face maybe. Look into the mirror and have a stern talk with his brain. Something. Anything! To finally calm down.

As he walks towards the bathrooms, he notices some man sitting in a booth he previously didn't see. He's dressed pretty formally, phone in hands, and an annoyed grimace on his face. He looks more like a person currently working than someone who just went for drinks to wind down after work.

His eyes meet Sam's which sends a cold shiver down his spine. For whatever reason, this man - looking like a banker or low-lever politician, which is a common sight in DC - scares Sam just as much as the creepy stranger haunting his thoughts.

He breaks the eye contact and darts towards the bathrooms even faster, nearly colliding with someone who exits the door.

There are three other people in the bathroom, two of which wash their hands and fix their hair in front of the mirror. Neither of them look particularly suspicious, but Sam keeps an eye on them anyway, walking towards the stalls and locking himself in one of them.

He sits there for less then two second before he realizes that he's made himself more vulnerable by isolating himself from the crowd, but he's really not sure what to do next. The brief moment of fear after seeing the bartender with hair hanging over his face seems silly in retrospect. He could've just ignored the panic, push the discomfort down, and go back to the main room. But the man in suit sitting in a secluded booth?

That was actually worrying. Because he didn't just look generally annoyed or angry. He seemed to be specifically mad at Sam. Which would be concerning with any other influential White guy, but in this particular instance Sam feels like there's more to it.

He hears another person enter the bathroom, interrupting his thoughts. Two of the people washing their hands leave. Someone else comes in. Sam keeps track of everyone inside and at some point he's pretty sure he's the only person still sitting here, so he quietly exits the stall.

Just as he expected, the bathroom is empty. It's a bit weird, all things considered. It's a Monday afternoon, sure, but this place is not alive just on the weekends and in the night, when students party. There should be a constant rotation of people going in and out at any point.

But the room is silent as Sam stands there, wondering what to do next.

He's pretty sure he hears some water running on the other side of the wall and muffled laughs, seemingly coming from a group of women washing their hands and talking in an adjacent room.

Sam's familiar with all the overdone jokes about girls visiting the bathroom way more often than guys or about them going there in hordes. And, stereotypical or not, there is some truth to those... but Sam's pretty sure it should not be this disproportional.

The man's bathroom has been empty for over five minutes. Which is way too long, considering the size of the crowd.

A motion activated light loudly going off in one of the stalls makes it even more clear that Sam's suspiciously alone in here.

He washes his hands just to do something when, finally, the door to the main part of the bar opens. A wave of sound - clinking glasses, loud conversations, a ringtone - fill the empty space until the door closes again, cutting the noise off.

Sam exhales with relief and moves to dry his hands.

Then he notices him.

The man from his porch, now standing behind him, staring straight at Sam in the mirror.

He looks even bigger now, taller, and more broad at the shoulders, his hair still covering the face like a greasy veil. His eyes pin Sam in place like a wild animal who's fight or flight instincts fired so many contradicting impulses in its brain that it ended up just freezing.

In any other situation Sam would feel vindicated. He was right! He was not safe, he was observed, and someone is going after him - for whatever reason.

He can take that useless sense of satisfaction and bring it straight to his grave.

The man doesn't move. He just looks at Sam or through him, maybe. As if he's mentally not here. Maybe his soul has also left his body, like Sam assumes his own did right now?

It's just like that day at his home. Awkward, tense silence and creepy staring. Sam feels the hairs on his arm stand up like a coordinated unit. His heart beats so fast and loud that it must echo on the bathroom's walls. If Sam's ears were not filled with ringing, he'd probably be more sure about that.

The man blinks, just once.

And something in Sam just... breaks.

When he'll think about it later he'll have no idea why he did it. But he simply turns off the water and turns towards the guy in one smooth motion.

"Oh, I know you" he says, tone casual.

The man frowns this time, still looking directly at Sam. One of his hands is hidden inside or his unzipped jacket and it twitches a little. Whatever he's holding there probably isn't a bouquet or a dove, he'll produce out of nowhere and present to Sam like a magician.

"Fancy meeting you here," he adds, like it's a normal conversation. Like they're friends from work or as if the man was his favourite cashier at a local store. "In the bar, I mean. Not in the bathroom," he jokes.

The man's face does a weird thing. It's difficult to tell what kind of emotion he wanted to convey, but he seems confused. Does he even recognize Sam? Maybe he's really not as mentally present this time?

The water drips from Sam's hands to the tiled floor - tiny rivulets running down his fingers. It's quiet again, just as before, until one of the other motion activated lights goes off in the stalls. Then the next one right after it. Click. Click.

The guy flinches twice, his hand moving under the jacket's lapels.

"Can I help you with something?" Sam asks finally. At this point it feels like his mouth is operating on its own, entirely independent on his brain. He's also there, but not really.

Maybe he's already died and hasn't realized?

"You didn't go to my meeting today." Why does he keep talking?! "Do you plan to join this Thursday?"

By some miracle, this question seems to work. The guy's eyes dart around nervously and he shivers as the last of the lights in the stalls section goes off. The room is dimly lit by now only by the small lights over the sinks. And Sam cannot ignore that they're still, somehow, alone in here.

"I'm sorry I didn't come today," the man says and he sounds sincere, though monotone. "There were too many people in there."

"Well, it's a group meeting," Sam smiles. "The people are kind of a given."

He feels like he's body is operating on a pure survival mode. It reminds him of his time in the military, in a way; of the time, where he had to put one hundred percent of his focus on staying alive and keeping other's from dying, too, but couldn't actually think about it. Because there were bullets flying by, and his hands were sticky with someone's blood, and there was a wound to stitch, and a person screaming. If he registered all of that in full, he'd just collapse on the ground, overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear. So it was easier to just switch his brain off and let the instincts and years of training take the wheel.

"If you're worried about confessing in front of others, it's okay." He keeps talking and the man's stare becomes even more intense. His eyes seem very blue, even in the poor lighting, which Sam didn't truly notice before. They look cold, but not because of the colour. More like there's not enough life in them. "There's no pressure to tell your story right away. Some people in my group love talking. Other's just sit and listen. If no one's up to talk, I take over and give a little speech," Sam grins.

And he somehow knows that if he looked into the mirror to his left, his smile would look genuine.

"I don't like talking," the man says eventually.

"I figured," is Sam's reply. "Like I said, I won't push you to say shit."

It's probably not the most professional way of phrasing it, but he's not at work and, frankly, he's about to be murdered, so it's not like they'll reprimand him for inappropriate language.

"Also," he continues, "I can give you a number to one of my colleagues who does one on one therapy sessions. That way you could..."

"No."

"...avoid groups," he finishes awkwardly. " Fair enough."

"Do you do it? The therapy? One on one, no people?"

Sam doesn't. And he'd probably lie about it, even if he did.

"Not these days. I already have a ton of work with groups. If you want to see me, specifically, you know where to find me."

Clearly.

"I do," the man confirms like it's not the creepiest thing Sam's heard in his entire life.

"Well, I have to go now," Sam tries, hoping that if he sneaks out of the bathroom fast enough this whole nightmare will finally end. If the guy's here to kill him, he's doing a pretty bad job right now, so maybe Sam could just... walk away from the situation. Surely, he won't get stabbed in the back in the middle of a bar? Right?

The guy's face contorts in a painful way and he finally removes his hand from under the jacket. Sam tenses, but the gloved palm is empty. At the same time, the guy sways a little on his feet and grabs the wet counter with both hands.

Before Sam has time to process what's happening, he's already next to the guy, holding his elbow carefully and looking straight into his eyes. The pupils are dilated and then suddenly small like a poppy seed, changing in a matter of milliseconds. Sam's never seen anything like it.

"Are you alright?" he asks unnecessarily, trying to keep the man from falling face-first into the sink.

They look at each other and the man seems panicked, more than anything. The unwashed strands of brown hair hang over his eyes, but this time Sam's too worried about him to let himself spiral again at the now familiar sight.

The counter makes a strained noise and a small crack appears on the surface. Sam imagines his own bones turning into dust under such grip and his wrist pulses with pain he felt in the background for the last few days.

"Are you okay?" he asks again, sounding more urgent this time. He doesn't even care at this point if the man's here to kill him. Sam's a paramedic first, and if someone's fighting for their life nearby, he'll always drop everything to make things better. Even if his body might end up in trashcan behind the bar for the effort.

The man blinks, licks his lips, and takes a ragged breath. There's a weird grey cast to his face now and he didn't even look that healthy to begin with.

"I have to go," he whispers finally and stands up. His forehead shines with sweat and his pupils are wide again. "Thank you," he adds quieter and walks away unnaturally fast.

He's there. And then he's not. The door closes so quietly behind him, that Sam doesn't even register the sound.

Sam sits down, not caring about the wet and disgusting floor and stares at the opposite wall in silence. In the women's bathroom someone laughs out loud and a sharp sound of the shattering glass reaches him from the bar.

It almost feels like he's lost his hearing for a while and it suddenly returns to him. As if he's been under water and came break to the surface once more.

He also tastes blood on his tongue and realizes he must have bitten it at some point without realizing. The unpleasant sting of a cut is what finally helps him to come back to himself. He cannot stay in this place a second longer.

He washes his hands again so they stop feeling as clammy and touches his face with them too. The cold water helps a lot, but his own eyes look wild in the mirror.

As he exits the bathrooms, he looks over the crowd that gathered inside since he fled the bar. Just as before, most people don't even look in his direction and he realizes that the man in a suit who stared at him earlier is gone as well.

Then, he turns around to close the door and suddenly he's faced with a bright yellow sign that warns: "Under Maintenance" in bold, black letters. An official looking printout below adds: "DO NOT ENTER".

None of those signs have been there before.

All Sam can do at this point is grip his bag, lower his head, and exit the bar as fast as possible. If he is getting strangled or stabbed today, he at least wants for it to happen in his home.

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Shoutout to tumblr for glitching a making me feel like I've lost over 700 words of a draft <3 That mini heart-attack was very necessary.

Btw, funny thing about this chapter is that I've basically spent the entire time thinking that I'm doing too much. Like... I keep pushing Sam deeper and deeper into this spiral, but nothing really happened to him. It's not a big deal, calm down, man.

But then I have to remind myself that if some suspicious looking man knocked on my door, told me that he got my address from a person I don't know, asked me where I worked, and grabbed my arm so hard it nearly broke... I would simply perish on the spot from the stress xD Or I'd spent the rest of my life paranoid, even if nothing more happened.

So I think Sam should be allowed to have a 4-day almost panic attack, as a treat.

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #winterfalcon #the falcon #winter soldier #captain america #ca:tws #onlysambucky #assassinate them with kindness #ATWK #my writing

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splatsvilles-fashionista · 4 months

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Off-topic weekend: My top five games of 2023!

Hey folks! How's Splatfest going? I've had mixed success so far, winning two 10x battles but losing a 100x, which evens out, right?

But let's not focus on that, this is the off-topic post of the month, after all. In 2023 I played an unusual amount of brand-new games, and I like talking about the stuff I like, so let's real quick go over my favourite games of the year, in order!

Starting with:

5. Wildfrost

Wildfrost is a roguelike deckbuilder about disparate tribes banding together to fight off a supernatural, eternal snowstorm. Over the course of three areas and many battles you assemble a deck of allies and items, augment them with upgrades, and face off against a whole slew of unique and challenging boss battles. The thing I wanna highlight about this game is just how gorgeous the presentation is. All the character designs are delightful, and the way everything bobs and shakes as you pick cards to play or reposition feels just right. The soundtrack is also a complete slam dunk, using a ton of traditional instruments to help sell the vibes, whether they're cosy like in your hubtown or intense like the battle themes. If you like games like Slay the Spire or Monster Train then this is definitively a game for you.

4. Cocoon

Cocoon is a puzzle game about exploring alien landscapes with tools that are also full-on worlds in themselves. As a little... alien? Moth? Robot? As a little guy, you're tasked with solving a wide variety of puzzles by using differently colored orbs that, when placed on certain pedestals in the environment, opens up portals to entire new realms. Nestling realities within other realities and traveling between them soon becomes a core facet of your problem-solving, and the beauty of Cocoon is that its puzzles thread this extremely thin line where the solution is neither too hard or easy, but will always be very satisfying and frequently mindblowing in the way it makes you bend reality(or realities as the case may be) to your whims. Cocoon is lean, slim, and polished, and likely won't last you more than ten hours, but those ten hours will leave you feeling a smart and satisfied in a way you've never experienced before.

3. Remnant II

In 2019, Remnant: From the Ashes asked a bold question: "What if Dark Souls, but guns?" The answer turned out to be that you got a fun, interesting third-person shooter with defensive play inspired by Fromsoftware's lineage of action RPGs but with a greater emphasis on co-op play and replayability, and in 2023, that game got a sequel that looked to expand on all of its predecessor's most interesting ideas. One of the most impressive things about remnant II is just how much content it has that it doesn't show you, because it's designed around the core idea that every player's first playthrough feels different and so it only shows you a sliver of its hand in every playthrough, confident in its breadth of content to such an extend that the game let's you roll an entire new randomized campaign with a single press of a button. I'll admit that out of everything on this list, Remnant II is probably the most "by-the-numbers" game on this list, in part by virtue of being the only sequel on it, but I had a blast playing this game, and if you're looking for something to play with a friend or two, then I think you will too.

2. Cassette Beasts

Cassette Beasts is a creature-collector RPG in the style of Pokémon, and I actually already wrote a whole post about Cassette Beasts earlier this year, but I want to reiterate that this game is really good. In a lot of ways, it feels like Bytten Studios, the developers of Cassette Beasts, took the formula of the DS-era Pokémon games and utterly perfected it. It's got a big open world for you to explore, deep and snappy 2v2 combat, over 120 monsters, all of which can be fused mid-combat as the ace up your sleeve. Rather than type weaknesses just increasing damage, they inflict various buffs/debuffs that add a lot of complication to battles and force you really consider your team composition. There's adjustable difficulty, including a built-in nuzlocke mode. There a bunch of cool companion characters with their own entire storylines, and most of them you can romance if you'd like. If you like Pokémon or the whole creature-collector RPG genre as a whole, then you need to play Cassette Beasts, because at the moment I really do think it's the king of the genre.

1. Lies of P

Lies of P is an action RPG of the Soulslike variety, taking a stab at replicating the formula that made Fromsoftware and their critically renowned games such a household name. I like Fromsoftware and their games lot, Bloodborne, Dark Souls 3, Sekiro, and Elden Ring are all pretty high on my list of favourite games of all time for their excellent world design, wonderful atmosphere, and captivating combat. I mention all of this so that you understand that it's a big deal when I say Lies of P is so good that it sometimes beats Fromsoftware at their own game.

It's not a game without flaws. I found the english localization to be awkward and stilted, sometimes to the point of being distracting, and its level design is very simple, especially compared to its peers. What sets Lies of P apart however is that it has the best goddamn combat in the genre. Explaining why I think that would take a lot of time, and this post is running long as is, so to keep things short the gist of it is that Lies of P manages to make your offensive and defensive tools flow into each other seamlessly, with dodges, blocks and parries allowing you to keep up the pressure even as enemies are attacking. Couple that with a ton of different weapons, all with their own special moves, most of which you can take apart and combine with other weapons, and a mechanical left arm that can be equipped with a variety of tools like a flamethrower or a grappling hook, and it results in one of the most nuanced combat systems I've ever seen.

I adore Lies of P. I bought it at the end of December, beat it once, and I am currently doing three more playthroughs with different builds, weapons, and restrictions. I've never enjoyed mastering the systems of a game as much as I have playing Lies of P, and that is ultimately why it's my favourite game of 2023.

And that's the whole list! I hope something I featured here caught your attention, and I'm very curious to know what y'all's favourite games of 2023 were, so go ahead and tell me below, if you'd like. Happy continued FrostyFesting!

#not splatoon #wildfrost #cocoon game #remnant ii #cassette beasts #lies of p

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texasthoughtsaboutnothing · 4 months

Text

Walpurgisnacht and how it ties it all together

So what is Walpurgisnacht?

Walpurgisnacht is a once a season fanservice event. It's a story thing with light character development. It's a banner with functionally an entire new rarity of ID. It's a game mode meant to demonstrate the power of those new IDs. It is a massive money maker for the company. And I believe it is kinda sorta the thing endgame players will align their behavior around.

That's a big claim at the end there, but I'll try to explain.

The key thing to focus on is the banner and the units that come with it. Walpurgis IDs are unique in that they are only available to purchase during a Walpurgisnacht, with the banner IDs being completely unpurchasable the first time they show up. Yes, you need to win the latest hype units from the Gacha or wait 4 months to buy them. These IDs are powerful, and, as this is a fanservice event tend to be referencing some of the coolest shit in PM's universe.

Needless to say demand is high while "supply" is dictated by a 1.5% drop chance or a 200 pull pity. This is pretty normal for a gacha, but a radical departure for Limbus, and it has some serious consequences on how we think about resources.

So in my last post I went over how Limbus' gacha after a certain point isn't worth it, and it ends up being mathematically better to convert premium currency to stamina to just grind out the units you want. There are several extremally important caveats to that statement, and the biggest one is Walpurgisnacht. I want to address that point here.

You want pulls for this, because you can't buy the unit until months after its arrived and you'll probably want it now. This changes how you might think about refreshing stamina, because you want to stockpile currency for a big pull session every 4 months. Counterintuitively, you want a lot of shards if you're new to buy the old Walpurgisnacht stuff, as unless the game powercreeps to hell and back a lot of these will be good forever (Regret Meursault EGO fundamentally changes how we think about his IDs and gameplay in perpetuity).

If we math it out (and use vague estimates so this doesn't become a wall of numbers), you can get 100 pulls from purely weekly Lunacy gains between Walpurgisnachts, but that number decreases for every refresh you do. if you refresh once every day, you're down to 85 pulls, and further down to 26 pulls if you double refresh. Ouch. However. there are other sources of pulls than just the 750 a week, and they add up substantially.

All of which is to say it's probably better to only do a single refresh to save pulls for Walpurgis, but if you do double refresh you will still have the ability to pull on this and maybe get the Banner ID.

But there's one other aspect to Walpurgis that has been met with some apprehension by the community, but makes me wonder at PMs intentions for the late game experience.

Gacha Announcers.

So Limbus has a system for Combat Announcers, There's no gameplay advantage for this, it's just to have your favorite characters comment on how bad you're playing, a nice little bonus reward that's easy to do if the VA is in the studio.

Walpurgisnacht slightly changed that, in that it added 2 Announcers to the Walpurgis gacha pool, Malkuth and Pierre/Jack. Malkuth is a major character from both Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina and a fan favorite; the response to her being available was... significant. Pierre/Jack are also here. The Announcers are very rare (1.3%), and cannot be purchased, but are Pitiable (Malkuth most of all, heyyo). They take their rarity from the filler pulls, so nothing is actually lost as far as odds goes.

A big sticking point is you can roll dupe Announcers as they aren't removed from the pool like EGO, and many are upset they might not get Malkuth and instead the other guys. Undeniably that sucks, it's probably rare to save up 200 pulls for the pity and it might feel like a waste. But this decision also propelled Limbus on Steam's top 10 seller charts for the day, so PM rang in the new year with a smashing success of sales. It's also unclear if we can purchase the Announcers later, so that also is driving some fomo.

So that might seem bad, but one interesting thing is that dupe announcers give a lot of thread, 50 crates worth. Thread is the primary currency for upgrades and at endgame you want thousands of the stuff.

This creates this image to me of what an endgame player looks like, and I wonder if it's intentional. They have all or most of the game's available IDs and are now just spending Lunacy to stamina refresh to grind more boxes or thread or exp or w/e. That person now gets a second Thread bomb from Walpurgis separate from the seasonal turnover Thread bomb, which is the primary restriction of end game. I'm probably reaching here, but there's a logic to this that makes sense to me.

That's about all for Walpurgisnacht, but there's a couple other things I think are neat.

One, the game becoming one where you hoard gacha currency for a big dump to hit pity every 4 months is hilariously normal for this genre, albeit we actually get all the units.

Second, community engagement spikes with this as we get classic gacha posts like:

"Hey I just got every relevant unit in a single 10 pull, how wacky is that?" "150 pulls and nothing, it's so fucking over" "Can I get this unit in 3 single pulls? If not game sucks and devs are @%$#." "I STOLE MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK"

Classic.

That's all folks, play Limbus Company.

#limbus company #project moon #limbus #gacha games #gacha #walpurgisnacht

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rosekasa · 11 months

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Hello! I am a beginner artist and I love ur art!! Super pretty and the colors are very tasty. Do you have some tips? I'd love to see your art process!

HELLO ANON!! first of all i am very honoured that u would ask me this because 90% of the time i feel like i have no idea what i am doing and like im still a beginner artist myself DSDSJDF. i would love to share some stuff i learnt and some stuff about my process (regardless of how messy it is sdfhsj)

(final piece)

here's an old example of my process i found! while the steps sometimes look different for other pieces, i feel like this is a good demonstration of how the basic structure looks.

1. the sketch - this is where i'm mainly figuring out how i want the piece to look. i was redrawing a screenshot for this piece so it looks a LOT neater than what a lot of my other sketches look like, for example, here's the process of me figuring out my recent drawing of haise:

(final piece)

in the first two steps, i was mainly working with showing myself what the piece was going to be. the last one was where i used references/technical knowledge to try and show whoever will be looking at it what the piece was

2. cleaning up the sketch + base colours. these two usually occur simultaneously because i will get bored cleaning up the sketch midway through and want to start adding colour LMAO. on a more practical note, sometimes putting down the base colours and having a better idea of what the finished product will look like might make it easier to refine things.

a note: cleaning up for me doesn't mean doing lineart. it mostly means erasing any overly messy lines on the sketch and redrawing small parts to make it look tidier where needed. i often leave it 'messy' at this stage, too. like here:

(final piece)

3. light/shadow. this is my FAVOURITE part because it's where the piece starts pulling together. the method i used in the current piece was putting a multiply layer over the colours folder and filling in where light would be obstructed. after that, i used a luminosity layer to put in some bright sunlight. marc brunet has a great way of explaining it by advising to pretend that the light is the camera and you're behind the lens. this is such a good way to block in average light/shadow values! sometimes this looks a bit crazy because everything is still so messy but that is why we have...

4. rendering. this is where i fit all the remaining pieces of the puzzle together. i'll refine the colours a bit more -- e.g. colouring in the eyes, -- and fiddle a bit with the shadows to add some more variation to the hues/value. this is where i think a lot about light and shadow theory and try and make it look more realistic. marco bucci saved my LIFE with his videos about ambient occlusion and ambient light (part 1 / part 2) -- essentially, what i keep in mind the most is that if a plane in shadow is facing the sky (or is open to any other form of light that isn't the direct light source) it will contain ambient light. it is SUCH a game changer when you add it to your pieces, trust me, even if youre lazy about it. if needed i'll pull up some references to make everything look good!

5. rendering... part 2? honestly this step kind of blends with the last one as i tend to do it simultaneously. i basically clean up all the messy lines from before by painting over them! with the majority of the colours i need put down, i can just eyedrop them and paint over anything that's needed. this also comes in with the light/shadow, where, if i need a more subtle hue for either/or, i will eyedrop it and brush it in.

some further notes:

i very rarely use references during the first stages of my sketch. i think it tends to look quite stiff and unnatural if i rely too hard on the. and i personally prefer the creative room when the idea is still being conceived. references come in when i can look at what i have down on the canvas and have a fairly decent idea of what i want, including pose, composition, etc. it's essentially a first draft to guide me to where i want to go with the piece. it's when i'm done with this that i bring out references, and even then, they don't necessarily have to be the exact pose -- i'll usually get a couple of pics which show what i need to double check and keep them up as a guide. by the end of the 'sketch', i usually have a basic construction of what i need to continue, even if it's messy.

i use very soft brushes when putting down colour because it allows for more hue variation. like i said, i enjoy eyedropping and brushing in colours afterwards, so this really helps!

layer modes are ur friend! i try not to rely on them too hard during rendering because i like the freedom of painting over but they're very useful when you're blocking in your initial colours

sometimes, when i feel like i want to try something new with my art, i'll keep pieces that inspire me up in front of me. i have two of sui ishida's art books and sometimes i'll just flick to a page that oils the Art Gears in my brain and keep it open while i draw. i don't necessarily reference it, but i like having it there so i can glance over every once in a while. i don't usually make a conscious choice where i'm like "ok i want to render skin the way he does" but it's more like. my brain knows what it likes in his art and it'll try and push that part of my art in a similar direction.

honestly the best advice i have is that art is very much based on vibes. everytime i've tried to think too much about it, to do things 'correctly', to rigidly stick to art theory, my art has not come out nicely. i think the technical parts of art are important to know and understand but i also think it's important to let your knowledge come through naturally when it is needed instead of pressuring yourself to do things 'right'. tbh you probably already know that but it's something i forget a lot so maybe it serves as a helpful reminder?? sedsfhsl

ANYWAY SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG! i hope i covered what you needed and if you need anything else/want me to expand on anything feel free to drop me another ask ! <3

make sure to look after yourself and trust yourself and ENJOY!!! art is about having fun!

#art tutorial #art help #drawing tips #art tips #art advice #long post #ask #anon

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adhdduckie · 9 months

Text

-stars - pt 4 -Ao'nung x sully!fem!reader

"she looks at you like you strung the stars, and every time she looks at them now, she can only think of you. she loves you."

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my masterlist

(i originally wasn't going to continue this because tbh i lost dedication, but i got a msg asking abt it so i'll finish off the last part then. so sorry it took ages)

(also i had to add in the percy jackson kiss omg iykyk)

3.8k words.

pt 1-, pt 2 , pt 3

playlist made for this ; ❥irrefutable love❥ (only the fluffy parts)

lowdown-

When Y/N, and the Sullys first reach the reef, a boy catches her eye, and she does her best to catch his attention. She doesn't believe he likes her back, and she thinks it's ridiculous that she's so whipped for this boy. He seems to have no interest in her, and they remain what she believes, friends.

this parts lowdown-

the past couple of months have been hard, avoiding your teacher and the love of your life. You manage it though, with your brothers, family and friends with you. He tries to speak to you and makes up.

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the past couple of months went by in a blur, and when you try to force your brain to attempt to grasp more than a couple of memories, you can't. The memories you do remember, are the ones where you stand often at the edge of water, feeling the tide lap at your feet, as you try to think.

it's hard, being rejected. Your brothers attempted to make you feel better, telling you things like; "it's just heartbreak, it's not a big deal." thanks, Lo'ak. like he didn't cry when T'sireya said she didn't like the same fish as him.

you question the stability of your mind on several occasions when you couldn't remember much. The first couple of weeks after the rejection, you spent the majority of your time in your hammock in the family marui pod, refusing to come out.

T'sireya had stopped by on numerous occasions, attempting you to go out, spend some time. She felt terrible about what had happened with her brother, feeling some sort of responsibility as she was the one who suggested he teach you the ways of the metkayina. you refused to go out, afraid you would see Ao'nung and that he would sneer and laugh at you again when he did.

she sighed, and would come back a couple days later to try again. This went on for awhile, before lo'ak convinced her to just give you some time before you were ready. lo'ak and neteyam were furious with ao'nung, even haven gotten into one fight with him. you scolded them both when you found out, and made them promise not to fight him again, even if he hurt you.

your parents had disapproved from the beginning, neytiri sending snarls toward ao'nung whenever she saw him, and jake sending glares over to him as well. there was nothing they could do now, since he had already rejected you, except for trying to be there for you.

jake was not a very affectionate father, not the best at talking about feelings and things like that, but he tried his best for you. He'd talk about how it was just a boy, and that there would be more. He said that if it was meant to be, you wouldn't have been rejected, which was not the right thing to say to you after rejection as you burst into tears. ta'heyla rushing toward you when she heard you wail, curling into your side to try to make you feel better.

even avarin, who was still wary of the metkayina clan, had known of your little episode thing, catching fish and other food for you to eat as a way of showing her love. you were grateful for her and ta'heyla, and they made it slightly more bearable.

slowly, you began to feel better, spending more time out of your hammock, and even going for flights on avarin, swimming in the ocean, hunting to pass the time. T'sireya, your brothers and parents were overjoyed that you were finally up and about, but they could still see how your skin had paled slightly, not the same shade of cerulean skin. but, they were going to take what they could get.

when you hung out with kiri and t'sireya, they made sure that you spent as much time away from Ao'nung, hoping and praying you didn't see him as you continued living your life.

unbeknownst to anyone apart from you, one night while you had snuck out of your marui pod to do some thinking, you had seen ao'nung sitting quite close to your marui pod, feet in the water, as he stared at some glowing hammerbrow fish that swam by.

seeing how that it was the first time you saw him in a long time, you froze, your tail swishing back and forth warily behind you. You did not know what to do. you stood there for a couple of minutes and watched him, hidden by the shadows of your marui pod.

it physically hurt to see him look so unaffected by what had happened, as if he broke girls' hearts for fun, on a daily basis. You supposed he could've done and you never noticed. Sick of seeing him, you walked out, striding past him. He didn't seem to notice, so absorbed by the water and the hammerbrow fish.

you told yourself you didn't care and left. His contemplating face was stuck in your head for a couple hours after that, while you switched back and forth between riding Avarin, and your skimwing. When you got back home, the sun was starting to rise, and it seemed as if ao'nung had been long gone.

you sighed in relief, but were pretty distracted for the rest of the day, wondering why he had been in front of your family's marui pod. lo'ak noticed, and had asked on several occasions why you were so distracted, you just told him that you hadn't slept while. He sent you a look that screamed that he didn't believe you, but you weren't bothered to argue with him.

behind your back, he shared a worried glance with neteyam, who shrugged his shoulders and continued eating. the next day you had made plans with t'sireya to spend time by the beach, and so you did. You met her while the sky had the sun prancing on the water, the bluest day you had seen in awhile.

it was lovely to be sitting by the beach with t'sireya, ao'nung off your mind in the first time for months, and you missed this. You missed feeling free and happy, which in all honesty sounded really stupid. He was just a boy, you constantly reminded yourself, but you knew it wasn't true.

T'sireya spoke to you about everything and nothing, before finally getting back into the conversation she's been wanting to have for months. no one knew what exactly happened with you and ao'nung, just that you were rejected. T'sireya wished to know what exactly happened, and how he had rejected you.

"y/n?" she asked slowly as if she was talking to a jittery animal. might as well been, because you tensed up as soon as she used that tone. You knew what she was going to ask, and you sighed. it's time you spoke about it anyway.

"yes?" you responded, fidgeting with your hands in your lap

"what happened with you and ao'nung? If you don't mind telling me." she asks softly, almost hard to hear over the sound of the water meeting with the beach.

you sigh, leaning back on your elbows, sand shifting with the pressure of your weight as you turn toward her. you tell her what happens, and she gets increasingly angry.

"he did that? oh that skxawng, i will have his hide for that!" she growls, ears flattening against her head in anger. she remembers who she's with at the moment when you sigh, and her eyes soften, her bared teeth hidden by a sad smile as she apologises for her brother's actions.

"i'm so sorry, i don't know why he would do something like that. it doesn't make sense, he seemed infatuated with you." she apologises, pulling you into a hug.

"who knows? he has his own thoughts, too." you tell her, shrugging. the conversation ends soon, as your brother comes to collect you for dinner, and you say goodbye to t'sireya.

as soon you and lo'ak are out of her line of sight, her thick tail swishing back and forth angrily behind her as she marches back to her marui, prepared to give ao'nung the scolding of his life.

she finds him sitting at the fire with her parents and roxto, ignoring the former and latter, as she storms in, immediately starting to yell.

"you skxawng! how could you do that to y/n?" she points her finger at ao'nung as roxto scurries away, afraid of t'sireya's wrath. Tonowari and Ronal stare in confusion, as ao'nung seems to deflate promptly.

"hold on, what happened?" ronal asks, stepping forward before any violence can start.

"this skxawng, ao'nung, rejected the advances of y/n, when he is not even good enough for her. he would be the luckiest na'vi with y/n!" t'sireya explains, aggressively pointing her finger at him, shaking in anger.

"is this true?" tonowari asks ao'nung as he steps forward, pushing t'sireya's accusing finger away from ao'nung's eye, afraid his daughter might stab his son's eye in anger.

"yes." ao'nung mutters meekly, stepping away from t'sireya, afraid she will result to violence.

"you idiot-" t'sireya begins yelling again, cut off by her father raising a silent hand.

"do you not like her?" tonowari asks in confusion, ronal stepping beside him.

"i don't know." he answers quietly, making t'sireya groan in frustration, throwing her hands up into the air.

"then why would you be so mean?" she demands to know, stepping closer. "she looks at you like you strung the stars and every time she looks at them, she can only think of you, she loves you, ao'nung. and you were a skxawng telling her you didn't feel the same. why would you do that?" she finishes, and her parents nod in agreement.

"i- i don't know." he stammers, shaking his head. "for the better of the tribe? you said yourself that they were demon children, not true na'vi." he tries to explain, speaking to his parents, however it is obvious that he is unaware why he did it to even himself.

"for the better of the tribe?" his mother repeats in exasperation. "y/n and the rest of the sullys have done nothing but try to prove themselves to us, and don't be stupid, she is the toruk makto. how is she not true na'vi? just because you could not admit your own feelings for her, doesn't mean you get to blame it on the better of the tribe." ronal finishes, and when t'sireya walks closer to ao'nung, neither tonowari or ronal stops her, she swings her hand back and slaps ao'nung across the face.

"you better apologise, you idiot. If i was her, i wouldn't accept it, but eywa knows that she is a better person than i would be. you must make her trust you again." t'sireya sighs, as ao'nung rubs the mark that is already turning purple across his face, as she walks away, sitting down near the fire.

ao'nung had already realised that he was wrong, but with t'sireya's encouragement and the idea of losing you is what moves him to do something. he decides he needs to do anything to earn back your favour. that night, as the rest of his family slumbers away in their respect hammocks, ao'nung stares at the ceiling and thinks of the way he can win back your favour.

the next morning he approaches you with a bouquet of flowers as you walk with kiri by the beach. as soon as you see him, you leave and he sighs. kiri glares at him before stalking away, too.

the next few days he approaches and seeks you out, leaving you little peace. a week later he approaches you while you are on a lone hunt, pulling his ilu beside your skimwing, and while your skimwing feels your discomfort and slight anger, he snaps at ao'nung's ilu and he veers away for a bit.

you think you're free, but he finds you a couple of hours later on a small island as you hunt with avarin soaring above you. you manage to duck out of his sight with a well timed warning from avarin, squatting in a tree as you watch him stumble around like an idiot searching for you.

"y/n?" he continues to call out, seemingly knowing that you are still on this island. "please, i just want to talk." he begs, eyes scanning the trees, searching for your figure.

'he just wants to talk?' you think, 'maybe i should hear him out?' that soft side of your subconscious says. 'no! he hurt us, remember?' the other, more rational part of you thinks.

obviously the more delusional part of you won, so you jump down from your tree as he walks beneath the tree for the third time. he jumps as your feet hit the ground, whirling around startled.

he realises it's you and gives you a shy smile, testing the waters. you do not return the smile, just watching him with impassive eyes before sighing. as you sigh, the smile melts away, and his lips come together in a hard line.

"what do you want, ao'nung? can't you leave me alone?" you ask him, throwing your bow over your shoulder. he tracks the movement as if he's afraid you're going to shoot him, and you laugh at the thought internally, knowing that you could never hurt him on purpose.

"i want to apologise for what i said to you when i rejected you. i was afraid to accept my feelings and i did not know what to do. nobody has ever made me feel the way you do, and i didn't understand how to cope with it. I don't mean anything i said, and i would be the luckiest na'vi if i had your love again." he rambles out, stepping forward, pulling out the necklace you made for him, put together again.

"after i rejected you and you left, i picked up the necklace and instantly regretted it. i want to thank you for it, and i fixed it. please accept it as an apology and a gift from me, in any way you see fit." he continues, holding it out to you.

you hesitate. his apology seems sincere, but a gift and a couple of words could not undo the damage his words made. he notices your hesitation, eyes wide in anticipation, waiting for your response.

you extend your hand, fingers brushing against ao'nung's as you pull the necklace from his hands. in your hands, the necklace is warm, and feels familiar. at the centre, a new bead, one that you did not make, the colour of your eyes. he smiles when he sees you notice.

"may i?" he asks, gesturing toward your neck. you nod, unable to speak as he takes the necklace back from your hands, lifting your hair out of the way, fastening it around your neck. as he does so, you can feel his fingers lightly brushing against your neck, and suddenly it's harder to breathe. when he's finished, he steps back and you turn back around to face him.

"ao'nung... i accept your apology, but it will take time for me to trust you again. if this is a courting gift, then i do not accept it as a courting gift, only as a normal gift and an apology. if you wish to court me, it will require me to forgive you fully. your words have hurt me and it will take some time to heal, please understand." you tell him, and he nods in understanding.

"i will do whatever it takes for you to accept me as your mate. I want you to know i do feel the same for you as you did when you approached me with your courting, and i was a skxawng to reject you." he tells you. you nod in agreement, glad that he's apologised and you feel slightly better. however, you were not going to accept him immediately, knowing that his actions would prove the truth better than the words he says.

your ways separate after that, you continuing your hunt, and him going back to his marui to tell t'sireya the news.

"of course she accepted your apology. i said she was better than i was, didn't i?" t'sireya rolls her eyes. "you need to prove what you mean if you want to still court her. not that you deserve her, idiot." she continues.

he shrugs, just happy you agreed to accept his apology. t'sireya rolls her eyes again, but she too is glad you accepted his apology.

the next couple of weeks, ao'nung is the kindest he's ever been. he saves you the food he deems the best, brings you extravagant gifts, and saves you the best spots at the communal fires. your brothers were not happy at the beginning, but with every new gift, they saw you looking happier and happier, so they just watched from a distance, ready to swoop in whenever something felt wrong. ao'nung gifted your brothers spoils of the hunt, and soon won the favour of your mother and father.

they believed he would be a suitable mate, especially now that he was looking for your forgiveness, and to gain your trust back. they were also happy, believing that he was slightly worthy of you when they began to see your old self again, quick to smile and laugh.

conversation was easy between you and ao'nung, he asks you of your home, and you teach him about the forests you came from. you find out small details about him, like how he used to be afraid of the water, but his father just threw him in and he began to enjoy it.

he doesn't press you for answer regarding being his mate, just easily working up to the moment where you feel comfortable enough to tell him you accept. you never knew how affectionate ao'nung was. he was very tactile with you

it was usually very small things. like when you walked through a crowded area, he had his hand resting gently on your lower back, guiding you through the crowds, muttering about how he wouldn't want to lose you. his arm wrapped around your shoulder protectively when another boy who wanted your attention came by, glaring at them until they got uncomfortable enough to leave. he thought he was being subtle, but he really wasn't.

he also tended to lean into your side during conversations, leaving you flustered on numerous occasions, and him with a smirk on his face. one time, you got irritated by his smirk and noticed his dimples popped out, and you stuck your index fingers in them and laughed while he stared at you like you were insane, before lunging after you as you danced out of his grasp to tickle you.

he did that a lot, actually. didn't know why, but it was probably an excuse to touch you, you thought later. it was a strange relationship, both of you knowing how you and the other felt of each other, but nothing really progressed, as he was waiting for you to accept his courtship, continuing to bring you gifts every day.

it was insane, how many he had. it was like he had been collecting every single thing that made him think of you and giving it to you. your brothers complained about the clutter near your hammock, but they saw how it made you smile every time you got a new gift. it wasn't like you were just accepting his gifts and not doing anything for him, though.

you too gave him frequent gifts, although smaller gifts and less often, about once a week. it was a funny joke among the metkayina tribe members, and a you're pretty sure you saw t'sireya betting with a child on how long it would take for you to cave into ao'nung's advances. you spluttered when you asked her about it and she just grinned mischievously, telling you to hurry it up because she wanted to win.

and it didn't help that you were on your way to ao'nung as he noticed your blush and asked you about it , which made you begin spluttering again, and he laughed lightly, pulling you closer to him as you walked, arm wrapping around your waist.

a couple of months after this specific moment, after you fully believed that he was true to his word, actually caring about you, you consulted your brothers, parents, friends and even ao'nung's parents. they all agreed that he had managed to prove himself to be worthy of you, and since they agreed with you, you decided to accept.

that day, you pulled him along to a small cave you found off the coast of the village, which you had set up nicely. he seemed to know you had finally accepted, but could tell you wanted it to be special, so he just let you do what you wished.

at the small cave, it was dimly lit by blue glow worms, and you pulled him to a small tide pool, pulling him down to sit at the edge with you, dipping your feet in the water. he smiled at you encouragingly, ready for you to accept.

you pulled out a small bracelet you had made for him discreetly while he was literally around you 24/7, that happened to match with one you were wearing.

"ao'nung, i know that i did not originally accept your courting, due to the rejection of mine, but i am ready now. i accept you and i see you." you tell him, handing him the bracelet. he smiles at you happily, taking it from you and putting it around his wrist, before pushing himself into the water.

you sit there confused, wondering what you're supposed to do now, when he gives you a mischievous grin, that looks scarily alike to t'sireya's. using his tail to stay afloat in the tide pool, he reaches his hand out for you to take. you take it, and he pulls you under.

under the surface of the water, your thin eyelid slides over your eyes, allowing you to see underwater. ao'nung's in front of you, smiling at you. he snakes his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. you can feel your heart thump in your chest, and can feel his heart beating fast in his, too. one hand moves from your waist to cup your cheek, before he leans in and closes his eyes, kissing you.

both of your lips gently brush against each other underwater, and his grip around you tightens, pulling you closer. the kiss is hesitant in the beginning, exploring. the longer your lips remain together, the more confident he gets, grip tightening again.

you can't help but think how happy you are in this moment, grateful you managed to end up together like you always thought you would, happy that you were.

the kiss is nothing like you thought it would be, better than you could have ever expected, his lips soft against yours. he pulls back after awhile, smiling at you, before you both swim back to the surface to breathe.

needless to say, t'sireya was obnoxiously happy she won the bet against the child, and you promised you were going to bet on her and lo'ak with ao'nung, which made her stay quiet. but you didn't mind, since you had ao'nung by your side after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist

@aonungmyaddiction @elizarikaallen @ok-boke @chuckle-nuts @shadowmoonlight0604 @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @plutodestr0yedme @yeosxxx @slutforsmut4ever

a/n - hi guys! finally finished this, it's the last part. i ended up writing more than i expected, but it was fun to do so. i hope you enjoyed!

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caulifleurr · 11 months

Text

Left Behind for the Holidays Pt. 4

It's the morning after that cozy little moment you shared with the Lieutenant. You happily indulge him in domesticity, but it seems he has other plans.

A/N: OMG I'm back !! I'm so sorry this part took so long, I'm getting buried by papers to grade ;w; Once I'm done for the summer, I can write more stuff >:3

Masterlist here!

"Sprout?" Ghost asks, his morning voice even more gravelly than his usual register. You blink the squint at the light streaming in from your windows. You feel something move under you, and you mumble incoherently, trying to fend the sleep off.

"It's morning." The surface below you rumbles, and it finally dawns on you. You're lying on top of Ghost, your head on his chest. You both must've fallen asleep on the couch.

"Ghost?" You ask, rubbing sleep from your eyes.

"I'm here. You fell asleep on me, and I didn't dare disturb you. You were out like a light, you didn't even finish your cocoa." He replies, placing a hand on the small of your back to support you while he sits up with a soft grunt. You both sit up, with you cradled between his legs.

Your eyes dart to the coffee table, seeing a mug half empty with your drink from last night.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" You start, face heating up in embarrassment and the realization of what happened last night.

"It's alright, I don't mind." He says reassuringly. You slowly look up at him, and he smiles warmly. His brown eyes crinkle, blonde hair slightly sticking out.

Oh my god, he looks so adorable. He kinda looks like a ruffled dog, aww.

"You were wonderfully warm against me. Like a weighted heated blanket." He adds, with a soft chuckle. You smile back, and quickly get up from the couch. You start cleaning up the remnants of your snack from last night.

As you gather the snack wrappers, Ghost stands up and stretches. You steal a glance over at him, and see that the hem of his shirt has lifted a bit, showing a good chunk of his toned torso with an assortment of scars. He takes the bottle and mug, then puts them on the tray. You finish cleaning up the coffee table and walk to the kitchen to dispose the trash. He follows suit and places the mug and tray in the sink.

"Thanks for turning the TV off last night. I could've racked a higher electricity bill this month if you didn't." You say to him as he pads over to you. He leans his back against the kitchen counter, yawns and nods.

"At least I know how to turn it off." He grumbles, eyes narrowing about his difficulty with your smart TV last night. He shoots you a curious look, and he walks over to the counter. He gets some bread slices, placing them on a plate.

"I'll make breakfast. You okay with toast? That's probably the only thing I know how to make." Ghost offers, mumbling the last sentence, but you still hear it. You chuckle, getting a pot from the cabinet then washing it with your used mug. He stands behind you, and you could feel his looming height on your back. You set your mug on the rack, and wipe the pot down.

"Tell you what, we can also make some soup. Then we add mushrooms, tomatoes and some green peppers on it." You say, rinsing a few of the mentioned veggies from the colander on the sink.

"Wouldn't that take long?" He asks with a small voice. You turn back, look up at his face, and see that his brow is gently furrowed.

He looks so innocent, poor guy didn't have the time to practice cooking a lot of dishes.

"No, just a soup base with some added nutrition. You tried this before?" You ask, with him shaking his head slightly. You smile, eager to teach your Lieutenant a thing or two in upgrading instant food. He looks over your shoulder as you show him how to dice the mushrooms, and he volunteers to cut the other veggies. You move to the side to toast the bread he left on the counter, when you hear him hiss and curse under his breath.

"Bloody hell." He exhales, having cut his finger. He instinctively sucks on it, spitting the blood out in the sink. You get a bandage from your first aid kit, and rush over to him. He washes the cut first, and dries it off. You apply the plaster on him, and can't help but chuckle in your head.

The Lieutenant. Silent, efficient killer on the battlefield. Hardened soldier. But he struggles with domesticity and some technology. That's quite surprising and not at the same time.

"I'm not good at these things." Ghost says in a small voice, thanking you after for the bandage. You shush him, and pat his large hand.

"Understandable, don't worry." You reassure him. You let him sit down at the table, and you finish chopping the veggies. You drop them into the pot, add the soup base and water, then move to the stove. He stands and shadows you once more, then gently nudges you to move aside. Realizing he wants to help, you hand him the spatula and he stirs the soup with your guidance. You feel your chest grow warm, directing the lieutenant as he keeps a watchful eye on the pot. Soon after, the soup is done, and he divides it evenly onto two bowls.

"This is quite proper, actually." He mumbles, mouth full of food. You reply with a "mhm", blowing on your spoon then taking a careful sip of the hot soup. He quietly stares at you while you eat, his eyes trained on your lips.

"Told you it'll be better with a few additions." You say, satisfied. You both finish your meal in relative silence, just the clink of your utensils ringing out in the dining area.

"I'll clean up." Ghost offers, taking your empty bowl. You take it back from him, tutting.

"No, you have a cut. Best to let it dry out and heal." You say, walking over to the sink with your dishes.

"You can repay me next time." You add, feeling a bit playful. Behind you, he nods, clenching his jaw.

From the corner of your eye, you see his large form move like a dark plume of smoke. Next thing you know, his hand is on your shoulder, the other gently planting itself on your waist. Your body frozen, you feel his breath hot against the shell of your ear.

"How about I repay you now?"

What-

You turn your body, looking up at him with a confused expression. You try to read his face, while also trying to control your train of thought going at a thousand kilometers per second. His gaze intense on you, arms on either side of you, hands now resting on the edge of the counter. You feel incredibly dwarfed, and all you could do is get lost in his eyes.

"Ghost-"

"I can't take it anymore."

"What?"

"I... Fuck, I need to kiss you."

!!!!!!!!

Your eyes widen like the bowls in the sink, and he closes in slowly, stopping mere centimeters away from your face.

"Is that okay?" He asks, his voice low but gentle. He bats his blonde eyelashes, clearly hoping you'll consent.

You can hear your heartbeat in your head, pulsing at your temples. You will yourself to quiet your mind down, and focus on your reply. You gulp nervously, lips parting.

"Yes, please."

Ghost smiles slightly before closing in the distance, eyelids closing as his lips meet yours. The stiffness in your shoulders disappears, and you eagerly welcome the kiss. Besides, you've been dreaming of this for a while now.

Your hands travel to his face, one hand on his stubbly cheek and the other pulling the back of his neck closer. He flinches slightly at your touch, but his kisses become more needy. He starts to growl into the kiss, and you reply with breathy whimpers into his mouth.

"I've been wanting to do this for quite some time now." He says in between kisses.

"Me too, Ghost." You whimper, fingers in his blonde hair.

"No, no. Call me Simon." He growls, nibbling on your bottom lip.

"S-Simon." You start, hesitant, as it's the first time he's allowed you to call him by his name. It flicks a switch in him though, and in one swift motion, he picks you up and puts you on the counter. This way, your height difference doesn't make things hard.

"Oh, fuck. That's it, love." He growls, his hand snaking around your waist to pull you even closer. The other one cups your jaw, his thumb rubbing circles on your cheek. His body presses onto you, warm and comforting. After a while, he pulls away, softly panting. He smiles at you, eyes scanning your flushed face. His lips have turned rosy from the kissing, and he chuckles lowly.

Half-lidded and a bit kissdrunk, you watch him move his face close as he whispers to you.

"Do you... want to take this further?"

I... Can't say no to that.

"Yes, Simon."

#simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x f!oc #simon riley x f!reader #call of duty #ghost cod #ghost mw2 #ghost x oc #ghost x reader #i am writing and posting this at work #lmfaooao

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aydaptic · 6 months

Note

Sorry if you've already answered this before but I'm new to the fandom and I found your account through your web-comic and I was wondering what is it about Gavin that you like so much? Why is he one of your favourite characters in dbh? (I've noticed that he isn't much of a fan-favourite in this fandom 😔)

This'll be a long post, but you asked (...and I'll happily answer!) I'll add some descriptions for context. At the top of my head, I can think of 21 reasons why I like his canon equivalent.

1. He's charismatic

Gav gives off an energy that makes it easy to hang onto his every word. I can quote all his lines by heart and I like listening to Neil Newbon (in this specific role) talk. I remember some of Kamski's lines as well -- also mo-capped/voice acted by Newbon -- but Kamski doesn't have nearly as much charisma as Gav does.

2. He's expressive

Ppl who 'talk with their hands' are more charismatic. Gav is all over the place in the break room if you stick around. Hand gestures capture people's attention as they emphasize what is being said.

3. He doesn't think androids are alive (...so in his eyes, the way he treats them isn't wrong)

"Could always try roughin' it up a little. After all... it's not human." - Gavin Reed, The Interrogation

That means he wouldn't rough up a human suspect. This alone justifies his unpleasant attitude towards androids. Hank -- who treated Connor way worse than Gav ever did -- changed his mind. Nothing says Gav can't do the same.

If Alexa suddenly said she was alive, the vast majority wouldn't take it seriously (if any at all.)

4. He's sarcastic

"Congratulations on last night, very impressive." - Gavin Reed, Waiting For Hank...

5. He has dark humor

6. He looks down on people that pay for s*x

Quote above. You don't call someone a "pervert" if you agree with their actions. The Eden Club, in particular, is immoral AF... bc those androids don't have a choice. Gav doesn't care about them being androids, but he still looks down on the guy who paid money to get laid, and I applaud Gav for that. Especially when said guy also had a wife and kids.

7. He has valid concerns about androids taking jobs

Anyone who says differently is either in denial, uninformed, or never had a job they were scared to get fired from. There's already been an uproar about ChatGPT and that's nothing compared to how advanced Detroit: Become Human androids are. The unemployment rate in this game is 37% -- higher than it was during the Great Depression and C*VID -- and androids are the main cause.

I've seen a lot of ppl ask this question:

Q: Why not just buy an android and have them do your job for you, then? You get the money anyway bc it's your android!

A: Bc, believe it or not, the vast majority of men want to work. This is a strange concept to grasp for a lot of ppl. I admire Gav for being one of those men who wants to do it themselves. Letting someone else do your job is taking the easy way out.

8. He's a hard worker

Gallery: "...Ruthlessly ambitious, Reed will do anything to advance his career, even if it means treading on other peoples’ toes."

9. He's ambitious

See the quote above.

10. He doesn't sleep well

This isn't just a headcanon. He has literal bags under his eyes. Just knowing he doesn't sleep well already has me asking, "why?" It's interesting.

11. He puts his feet on the table

After Connor interacts with him in the break room, Gav will go to his desk and do this. I'll go into detail about why this contributes to my liking his character in the very last point.

12. He calls Hank out on his alcoholism

As much as most of us love Hank, he's not in a good space mentally. Showing up drunk/hungover to work should not be tolerated. It not only puts coworkers, but also civilians, at risk. Hank should be in therapy instead of working at the DPD until he gets his life sorted out.

13. He calls Fowler out for giving Hank special treatment

"You won't get away with it this time." - Gavin Reed, The Interrogation (after Hank pulls a literal gun on a human coworker AKA Gav)

So Gav has brought it up to Fowler before and is about to do it again. Ties into the point above. What Hank does -- like assaulting a literal FBI agent -- shouldn't be tolerated.

14. He's a control freak

I gravitate towards ppl and characters who take charge. Those who like being in control and know what they're doing. I'm a control freak myself, but I'd prefer to let someone else take the reins as long as I agree with their methods. I like it when ppl know what they want and act on it. Gav does both.

15. He's protective of his coworkers

I was unsure whether or not to add this as I guess it can be seen as a subjective theory and not an objective fact.

Gav only ever steps in with the gun in The Interrogation when Con uses aggressive force on Chris Miller by tearing him away from the deviant. Con did this after disobeying Gav 3 times. So yeah. Gav is justified for stepping in. Hank, on the other hand, isn't justified for pulling a gun on a human coworker. I see this scene as Gav protecting Chris from Con who is showing signs of deviancy.

16. He can't wink

Endearing.

17. He pouts a lot

Again, endearing.

18. He swears like a sneezing kitten

Same as the two points above.

19. He doesn't like Connor

I don't like Con, either. Yeah. We exist. Personality types like Con's "let's be friends" attitude and constant positivity pisses me off. Before anyone comments that the player decides Con's personality... no. Only to an extent. There are several instances where the player has no say whatsoever. Some of Con's pre-determined responses annoy me.

20. He has great fashion

Big fan of leather jackets.

21. I like him bc I'm a narcissist at times

He's essentially the male equivalent of me to the T. I'm only an asshole internally, though. We love (or hate) characters we relate to. I relate to every single point except 17 and 18 on this list.

There you go :)

His OOC fanon equivalent has a huge fanbase -- especially on Twitter/X and Tumblr turning him into a blushing teenage girl -- but it seems like I'm the only person who can't stand that OOC portrayal of him. That said, I adore his canon equivalent in all his asshole glory.

#dbh #gavin reed #detroit: become human #dbh gavin #long post #Q&A #anonymous #*aydaptic

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waitmyturtles · 9 months

Text

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Love of Siam, The Intersectionality of Expectations and Demands, and the Tentacles of Influence On the BL Genre Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, in a long post, I cover the pre-BL film Love of Siam, and its tremendous influence on today's Thai television BL genre.]

As we recover from the first weekend of Only Friends...now for something a little different, ha.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that while I was on the chronological journey through my Old GMMTV Challenge watchlist, that I jacked up my watch schedule to roll back in time to add two pre-television-BL movies in Love of Siam (2007) and My Bromance (2014). My review of My Bromance will drop later this week, but I want to give more attention at the moment to Love of Siam, a seminal film for queer media in Thailand, and a definite influence and harbinger on the development of the future genre of television BL in Thailand after the film's release. Considering our beloved Thai BL auteurs who have been knowingly influenced by LoS: it's a must-add for the list.

Now that I've watched Love of Siam: while I know I'm reviewing it in my 2023 watch schedule out of order, I am tremendously glad that this review will sit on top of the enduring list as the first of the Old GMMTV Challenge syllabus, as I think it contains a number of themes that get explored in the future of television Thai BLs from 2014 on. As well, the film also opens a door into how Thai, pan-Asian, and international audiences of various demographics receive and have received the film over the last 16 years since the film's release.

Most importantly for this piece: I'd like to address Love of Siam in an intersectional analysis, specifically analyzing the film from the queer lens/perspective and the Asian lens/perspective. What I'd like to address about LoS is as follows:

1) A summary of the movie, why Love of Siam was remarkable when it was released, and a quick overview of who has been influenced by it in Thai BL auteur circles, 2) How the ending of the movie (spoiler alert) has been received and understood by specific audiences, 3) An intersectional overview of those potentially differing expectations and opinions, and what that intersection means for how the global television BL fandom watches and understands Thai television BLs today, 4) What we see today, theme-wise, by what works and artists I think were influenced by Love of Siam,

and other floating points as I come to them.

It was the inimitable @bengiyo who recommended -- nay, insisted -- that I watch Love of Siam, not only for the OGMMTVC syllabus, but also as a means of analyzing I Told Sunset About You by way of its story structure and resolution, which I'll get into in a few moments. (I actually had the very great pleasure of joining @bengiyo and @shortpplfedup, along with a few other clowns, to talk about ITSAY on an upcoming The Conversation podcast, in which Love of Siam came up as a topic -- thank you, Ben and NiNi, for the honor! I'll talk more about the conversation that took place in the podcast in a few moments.)

Love of Siam focuses on Mew and Tong, two young schoolboys who were separated by a family tragedy in Tong's family. After Tong's sister disappears and is presumed dead, Tong's father turns to alcoholism, and the family moves away. Tong's mother takes up the mantle of breadwinner and the glue that keeps the rest of the family together. When Mew and Tong reach high-school age, they reconnect in Bangkok's Siam Square mall. I'll try to not give too much more away, because there's a tremendous follow-up to Tong's sister's legacy within the film, but the movie is perhaps best known for its ending, in which Mew and Tong do not get together. The two had spent the film negotiating their attraction to each other in the face of the intervention of Tong's mother, who worked on keeping them apart, and reconnected with the help of a mutual friend in Ying, who originally had a crush on Mew before discovering he was gay. The ending echoes the common endings of the majority of queer media at the time, in which couples did not get together, and/or were forcibly separated, and/or were tragically eliminated. (Brokeback Mountain was released two years earlier in 2005, and André Aciman's original novel, Call Me By Your Name, comes out in the same year as LoS, in 2007.)

For broad cinematic context, Love of Siam was Thailand's entry in the 2009 Academy Awards for Best Foreign Language Film (now called Best International Film). To compare LoS to television BLs on the OGMMTVC list, only the Nadao Bangkok works (I Told Sunset About You, etc.) come at all close to the quality of LoS's filming. The acting, the cinematography, the pacing, and the story structure of this movie were all superb. I enjoyed every minute of it, despite the ending. (We had our first instance of Kob Songsit playing a father named Korn, which -- was it a coincidence that he did the same in KinnPorsche? Especially considering KinnPorsche's happy ending -- it's a high likelihood. More on this in a bit.)

The movie received a fair share of controversy upon its release, as it had been originally marketed as a love story between two heterosexual teen couples. The "surprise," as it were, of finding out that Mew and Tong were the main romantic protagonists, caught Thai audiences by surprise. The filmmakers reported that they were unaware of the modern extent, at that point, of Thailand's common homophobia, but @bengiyo also let me know that at the same time, fans of the film were devastated to not see Mew and Tong get together in the end. Despite the competing controversies, the film was the most successful film in Thailand in 2007.

It's well known that many of our favorite Thai television BL auteurs, like Backaof Noppharnach, Jojo Tichakorn, New Siwaj, and others, watched and were influenced by the film -- they've talked about it previously in interviews in Soonvijarn and other arenas. I haven't seen My Only 12%, but @bengiyo tells me that New Siwaj directly tackles Love of Siam in that series. I'll come back to talk more specific works by these auteurs, and how I think some of these auteurs responded to the influence of Love of Siam in their works, in a bit.

As I mentioned previously: the ending of Love of Siam is controversial. Tong's mother intervened with Mew to tell him to stay away from Tong. She equates Tong being with Mew romantically to "losing her son" (a notion that is repeated in the 2019 film, Dew), which she clearly doesn't want after losing her daughter. Tong's mother is later shown as seeming to accept Tong's sexuality -- but it's not clear if she will ever accept him being in an actual relationship. That's not addressed. Separately, Mew's and Tong's friend, Ying, gives up on her romantic hopes towards Mew to help Tong reconnect with Mew after their brief separation.

Ying helps Tong find a meaningful token of his past with Mew. After gifting him the token, Tong says to Mew:

"I can't be your boyfriend. But it doesn't mean that I don't love you."

And Mew, smiling, says: "Thank you."

The end of the movie shows Ying sobbing heavily among her group of friends, and Mew sitting and crying in a room, saying "thank you" once more.

Jumping ahead a bit: during my participation in The Conversation podcast, the topic came up of whether or not ITSAY was an "apology" for Love of Siam. I think this question is a great way to enter what I briefly want to analyze intersectionally by way of how various audiences can interpret LoS's ending.

In conversation with the wonderful @bengiyo and @so-much-yet-to-learn (thank you both!), I understand that international queer audiences were severely disappointed in LoS's ending, for obvious reason. There was a lot in this movie that seemed to otherwise indicate acceptance of queer relationships and queer love, including by Tong's mother. That a relationship itself could not be confirmed was painful to watch.

When I was watching this film, I knew that the ending wasn't going to be good -- I just didn't know how it would play out exactly. I've had this experience before, where I'm aware that an ending of a thing I'm watching is going to be questionable, and when I get to the actual ending, I'm like -- OHHHH. Wait. I get why this ending is the way it is. The last time I felt like that was when I watched 2gether. In 2G, the ending/lack of intimacy immediately gave me a holistic understanding of why the show performed so well in Asia.

I watch Asian shows first and foremost with an Asian lens -- because I am an Asian. (I'm also a cishet woman.) My expectations of media coming from Asia are different than the expectations of non-Asian audiences. Maybe even as a cishet Asian woman -- my expectations of Asian media might be different from other Asian demographics, like Thai or pan-Asian queer audiences.

Generally speaking, the ending of LoS did not surprise me in the least, especially for being a piece from 2007. When Mew said "thank you," I was like, yep. Of course this was going to be how the movie ended.

Going back to the point I made earlier about queer media, globally, of this moment in 2007 having expected bad endings -- we come to an intersectional interpretive crossroads for Love of Siam's ending. Queer audiences were disappointed to be let down. I'm going to guess that the majority of Asian audiences, like myself, had a less surprised reaction (although again, to @bengiyo's point, it seems like some Thai fans protested the ending).

Non-happy, open-ended, and/or "bad" endings proliferate more in Asian media than in Western media. I've written about this before in a Big Meta on pain and suffering in Asian dramas. As an Asian consumer of Asian media, I've been conditioned all of life to not expect for the best of the characters I'm watching. Many of the Indian movies from the 1940s, '50s, and '60s that my parents showed me in my childhood had sad or politically-driven endings. Love being yanked right away for the sake of a "moral" or "ethical" lesson -- I'm conditioned to expect it. Most memorably for me, when I was a young lass, my parents showed me and my siblings Chemmeen, a 1965 film about a married woman nursing a long-lived lost-love with a man outside of her marriage. They had been separated all of their lives for various social status reasons. At the end of the film, when they finally embraced, they are wiped out by a storm. After the "WTF, mom and dad?!" outbursts from me and my siblings, my parents simply said -- this is the moral of a story that was important when we were growing up. You don't fall in love with someone you are not supposed to fall in love with. (Probably the saddest ending I've ever experienced in Asian media is Yoshimura Akira's Shipwrecks. I recommend it highly, but it's a bruiser.) (And MANY THANKS to my dear friend and fellow desi-homey, @neuroticbookworm, for tracking down Chemmeen based only on my hazy childhood memories!)

I've talked at length with @neuroticbookworm about our instinctual expectations of Asian media and when Asian media either toes the line of predictability (sad endings) or when it pushes the paradigm to, for us, new results (happy endings). (And this is in spite of Bollywood, which of course often has happy endings, but even Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, one of the biggest Indian movies of all time, was laced with sadness.)

LoS did something different than the media I grew up with, which I appreciated in the film. It was subtle, but as @bengiyo noted to me -- it was there. A whiff of acceptance was in the movie. This was the Thai film industry's way of beginning to play around with queer acceptance. I personally think that while the ending statements of "thank you" were stark, they did not indicate anything by way of emotional conclusion for Mew. When I saw Mew crying during his last "thank you," and Ying bawling at the end of the movie -- I took from that their acceptance of the devastation of a socially and culturally-based decision that needed to be made by Tong and his family.

Mew and Tong could acknowledge their love to each other. But for 2007 Thai cinema, they could not go further than that. To flirt with the idea that a Thai family would, in fiction, accept a gay relationship, was likely too progressive. Censors, the government, even Thai audiences, all may have balked.

The intersectional crossroads of this decision are important for me to root myself in. On the one hand, there's the disappointment of Thai, pan-Asian, and international queer audiences that Mew and Tong could not come together.

(I want to note that specifically for Western/non-Asian audiences of all demographics, there is a reality that a DEMAND that Asian filmmakers create happy endings — like Mew and Tong coming together — might be coming from a colonialist point of view, one that may ignore or not consider common Asian media practices and cultures. I unfortunately see this often in shipper culture emanating from the West, and I'm heartened that some Thai content makers are beginning to call international fans out on it. I note down below that market expectations of these endings have certainly changed in today's age, but checking privileges upon demanding something specific of Asian content is something that is always worth doing.)

On the other hand, there are Thai and pan-Asian audiences that interpret Mew and Tong not coming together as a matter of timing (the market not being ready for a confirmed queer relationship on screen), and as well, a matter of expectation that what we'd HOPE for -- Mew and Tong being together -- could AND would not happen, because conversationally, that kind of happiness would be culturally and socially impossible both in art and in real life. For instance, for Mew and Tong to negotiate their relationship with their respective families, on screen, in 2007? Talking to their parents about how they could get together? Damn. I can't.... for that time period, I cannot imagine Asian media, Thai or otherwise, going there. To involve families talking about acceptance -- I don't believe the market, Asian-based audiences, and even international Asian-diaspora audiences being ready for that. (And that's not to say that people of my generation wouldn't have welcomed it. But, for instance -- my parents' generation would have been in protest for movies depicting that kind of conflict, resolution, and outcome playing out in any sort of positive way.)

Remember, again, this is 2007. Let's jump WAY ahead for a second -- to the now, when we can have a show like My School President in 2022. A show, like LoS, that depicts two high school boys navigating attraction and love. A show that actually features a high school band (Mew being a lead singer in a band is a main plot point of LoS). And a show that includes young men falling in love and navigating their families. And Gun and Tinn end up together.

How far we've come from 2007 to now. As I noted above, the expectations of audiences outside of queer circles among Asian and international audiences for positive endings have changed drastically. I haven't even watched MSP yet, but imagine if Gun and Tinn DIDN'T get together. Think about it for a moment. Even as someone who hasn't watched the show yet -- even I know how crazy that sounds, from what we've been habituated to expect out of Thai television BLs, since the rise of the genre from Love Sick in 2014 -- a full seven years after the release of LoS. Thai, pan-Asian, and international audiences of all demographics would have been up in arms.

We know now -- again, seven years after the release of LoS -- how seminal Love Sick was for Thai television BLs, in including the Phun x Noh storyline in the context of an ensemble drama. And now, I feel like I have even more context for how UTTERLY seminal the ending of Love Sick was -- for Phun and Noh to consciously decide to BE TOGETHER, and to end the show that way, in the face of the line of previous expectations that LoS had originally had to toe. It fills my heart that so much progress could have been made in such a short time. Seven years doesn't seem short. But this is where I often drop a comparative point -- that it took 50 years for gay marriage to be legalized in America. Change sometimes seems long, but in hindsight -- change can also happen fast in context.

I think the intersectional conclusion to this is that Thai filmmakers didn’t give up in pushing to experiment with positive endings in a genre — queer media — that didn’t commonly have them. By having Phun and Noh confirm their relationship in Love Sick; by having TeeFuse and FrameBook CELEBRATE their relationships in the early BL series, Make It Right/MIR 2 — these shows began to change an expectedly doomed paradigm of sadness and heartbreak. And — AMAZINGLY! — these early shows that took such risks found accepting audiences. And the market has since responded.

Now — with these shows also came the rise of toxic shipper culture and continued homophobia of actors who are actually out and gay. That’s the gray side to all of this. But Thai BL auteurs then and now still play in this sandbox. As akin to the legislation of gay marriage in America, the progress of LGBTQ+ acceptance in Thai media and Thai society is rocky. (Remember this: Barack Obama did not outright support gay marriage when he first ran for office. He was already president when he permanently changed his public tune.) But that road is continually being paved as audiences in Thailand and globally grow ever more accepting of equal rights for all. While queer audiences celebrate this with bells on — I also am beyond thrilled that Asian audiences can take away learnings about LGBTQ+ equality, especially in countries where homosexuality is banned (Malaysia), where same-sex marriage is legal (Taiwan), and in everywhere in between, where there may be outward social practices of acceptance and internal practices of continued familial or even social homophobia. The general consistency of moving the dial forward on Thai BL media showing equality is good for ALL audiences, no matter how you cut it.

I want to take a moment to talk about the clear and enduring influence that LoS had had on present-day Thai BLs. Like I said earlier, many of our favorite Thai BL auteurs have stated that they were influenced by LoS, and I want to just do a little nerdy comparative analysis out of admiration for those creators that I simp on.

As I wrote previously, I thought LoS was brilliantly written and filmed -- it was a gorgeous movie, even at a 2.5-hour run time. LoS was rooted in a few major themes (but there are more within the film) that I see cropping up in present-day Thai BLs.

The first is the use of religion and spirituality as a means of indicating cultural mores around queer acceptance. Tong's family is Catholic. Catholic imagery peppers the film -- most notably for me, towards the end of the movie, when Tong flops on his bed with a huge poster of the cross pasted on the wall above him. Like I wrote earlier, Tong's mother has said to Mew -- if you two get together, I will lose my son. Tong being in a queer relationship is clearly against the family's Catholic practices -- the cross hovers in Tong's most intimate space.

On the flip side, Mew's family is Buddhist, and clearly demonstrated as so. I would also argue that Tong's Catholic family benefits from Buddhist beliefs, in a reincarnation plot that includes Tong's sister. As we know from the many Thai BLs that incorporate depictions of Buddhist practices -- Buddhism does not generally speak to a condemnation of the LGBTQ+ community, although local expressions and practices may differ. He's Coming To Me, Until We Meet Again, and Big Dragon are three shows that, to me, include Buddhist frameworks most distinctly, but of course -- our beloved BL guys are going to temples all the time and making merit. Even Gay OK Bangkok has multiple temple scenes -- and that's an overtly queer, non-BL drama. A temple is often a common locale that we see our beloved queer couples able to be together safely, outside the privacy of a home.

The second theme of note emanating out of LoS is filial piety. When Tong says to Mew, "I can't be your boyfriend," part of what he's saying is -- I can't do this to my family. Filial piety is SUCH a presence in many BLs -- to me, most notably in I Told Sunset About You, as I reflect on Teh's hugely emotional reaction in giving up his university admission for Oh-aew, and the fall-out vis à vis his mother that results from that decision (and Oh-aew has his own filial piety storyline as well). (I want to note that the ITSAY links include a phenomenal reblog from @bengiyo that talks in part about how ITSAY speaks to LoS -- a must-read.) Part of the presumed danger of coming out in Thai BLs, to me, stems from not only fearing rejection of one's own sexuality by a character's family -- but in also disappointing one's family in the public and private Asian family construct, especially considering that we're witnessing mostly young men coming out, who carry their own load of gender-based expectations from their families.

This harkens back for me Thun's coming-out conversation with his mother in episode six of He's Coming To Me. In episode five, Thun asks, famously, on a rainy rooftop -- "I have this feeling, but I don't know what to call it" (which, I think, is an Aof callback to Tong asking Ying in LoS -- "what am I, Ying?"). In episode six, Thun, a young man who has already lost his father, clearly sits with concern that he might lose his mother. And, of course, Thun's mother comes back with the most empathetic response to a coming-out that I've ever seen in a Thai BL. Maybe Thun's mom is also a response to Tong's mom.

Finally, I want to go back to the theme and the idea of sad endings vs. happy endings. When I first began to get OBSESSED with Thai BLs was when I watched Bad Buddy for the first time. Bad Buddy, to me, encapsulated a feeling I had that what I was watching was DISTINCTLY, PROGRESSIVELY Asian by the many themes it included that I relate to as an Asian, from filial piety, to intergenerational trauma, to keeping secrets from family and friends, and so much more.

I think, for my interpretative stance at this point of the OGMMTVC, that it's clear that Aof Noppharnach has most commonly addressed themes and influences from LoS in his work (again acknowledging that New Siwaj did something similar in My Only 12%). I think I admire the endings of He's Coming To Me and Bad Buddy in particular because Aof did something that I think is really hard to pull off. As I said to @so-much-yet-to-learn, Aof pulled off not-necessarily-happy, open-ended resolutions to those two shows that hewed far more to real-life-level conclusions about queerness than overtly happy endings in the face of other tenuous influences, such as family rejections. At the end of He's Coming To Me, Thun is in love with a ghost that may be reborn at any point in time — Thun could lose Med without a moment’s notice. At the end of Bad Buddy, Pran and Pat are not out to their families and are separated by distance. But -- à la Love of Siam -- there are subtle indications that acceptance may be on the horizon on the part of Pran's and Pat's families.

To me, Aof negotiating these endings is just so brilliant, and hews authentically to the journey, to the path that Asian audiences, like myself, can once again relate to from the media we grew up with. If we as Asians grew up not expecting happy endings, how does that change our experience of watching shows that end happily now? By watching media with inconclusive or pointedly unhappy endings, Asian audiences are led to think that life is more complicated and gray than a happy ending would lead one to believe. From a queer lens — if the MAJORITY of queer media ends badly, then it seems that the underlying message is that the community ITSELF doesn’t DESERVE happiness. I will always appreciate the majority of Thai BLs changing this paradigm.

Many of Aof’s work sit in the middle of this, either by ending or by journey. Moonlight Chicken indicates a painful growth and acceptance process of internalized homophobia for Jim, the chicken rice vendor. Same for Phupha, from A Tale of Thousand Stars to Our Skyy 2. Pat and Pran are physically separated and mostly closeted. Thun is dating a ghost. Even Type and Man in Still 2gether are almost permanently separated by Type’s job. Aof doesn’t shy away from loose ends. He’s not giving devastation. He’s balancing, I think, the history of what was expected, with what real life often gives by way of what actually happens in imperfect situations.

And this isn’t entirely universal in Aof's works. In the two previously existent series that Aof "took over" in Kiss Me Again and 2gether: Pete and Kao are solid at the end of Dark Blue Kiss. Sarawat and Tine end nice and heaty in Still 2gether. But what I think is particularly brilliant about Aof’s overall oeuvre is that balance and appreciation he clearly has for art that questionable, open-ended endings gave to pieces back when he and I were younger folks. Aof doesn’t devastate us, or his characters. But he certainly makes all of us — his characters and his audiences — contemplate the meaning of our existences and our roles in society by way of the obstacles and inequities we all face, by the time a show of his is concluded. Those searing examinations are what I live for in his repertoire in particular, and they are what remind me the most about the Asian media I grew up with vis à vis Aof’s modern works.

I have to thank him for that. Maybe as an older viewer of Thai BLs (I'm close in age to Aof), I sometimes need a bridge to the robust happy endings that shows like Make It Right, Dark Blue Kiss, Still 2gether, and more have. Love of Siam reminded me of where we once stood. Aof's works are the bridge to a kind of 180-degree turn-of-perspective, towards a happiness in fiction that, as a child of Asian media, I never knew I could enjoy. And I'm glad, in today's age as I continue to robustly enjoy the genre that is Thai BL, that I can experience that kind of satisfaction in Thai art now.

[So all of this is happening while we're getting early into Only Friends, and Dangerous Romance premieres this week. The riches! So much going on!

Later this week, I'll publish a (hopefully short-ish) review of another film, My Bromance (2014) to talk about the Flukes and yaoi influences on BL. Then, FINALLY (!!!) will come my Manner of Death review, my A Tale of Thousand Stars rewatch review, my Lovely Writer review (LOVED THIS SHOW), and somewhere in-between, a non-OGMMTVC review of Jojo Tichakorn's The Warp Effect, which I'm HOUSING for the sake of Only Friends.

Hit list below! Hit me with feedback! (Tumblr's new web editor is jacking with this list below and not letting me strikethrough those shows that I've watched. For the most updated list, check this link right here.)

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review coming) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review coming) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (review coming) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review coming) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 39) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 40) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 41) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults) 42) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 43) Only Friends (2023)]

#love of siam #the love of siam #love of siam meta #the love of siam meta #backaof noppharnach #new siwaj #bad buddy #he's coming to me #dark blue kiss #still 2gether #my school president #turtles catches up with old gmmtv #the old gmmtv challenge #ogmmtvc #turtles catches up with the essential bls #turtles catches up with thai bls

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