#and I've never used that word ever since | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ottiliere · 1 year

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I love crawling out of the depths, opening up tumblr, and seeing your art. I love it.

it is quite interesting how social media can fall to the wayside, and people on the internet can just disappear forever if they really wanted to! I admit I struggle to keep up with "public accounts", they are uniquely stressful and I solute your hibernating tenacity. always lovely to see you resurface regardless, thank you very much for the lovely compliment...

I will say in case any of my dear followers were wondering where i've gone for the past month and a half, for weeks i've been pondering how to even broach the enormity of the topic that is: I made the mistake of thinking about my most favorite character for more than 2 minutes in one sitting. I intentionally go out of my way to avoid this and have many strategies to evade this occurring because every time I do enter a sort of hermetically sealed mental chamber where it's just me and him and his life and I begin to ignore all points of previously established social contact and also my health indefinitely. It's difficult to convey the emotional experience of this or its psychic magnitude. and it's hard to say "guys i really love this character!" because that's just words. you can't see it. the 10 years of obsessively thinking about some guy so intensely on&off cyclically until you've made 20 different worlds he's living in... how does one convey the depth of these without artistically depicting them as you see them to be...? i am trying to figure it out. currently planning a longform comic for my favorite and several smaller comics for others, but logically an individual can understand this takes a while... he and I have had multiple rendezvous over the past decade and I wish I had more "historical" art to show but for many of these years I have been a bit too physically disabled to draw, the past several weeks have been spent attempting to recreate his ideal form as he exists in my head. he is starting to come around!

I typed up three separate disquisitions last month to try and explain my feelings on him and none of them felt like the proper vessel to communicate this concept. which is likely for the best. the obvious answer is "just draw him". fine with this being the case, difficult when I have so many drawing ideas I'm now sitting on 100+ works in progress and they just keep accumulating since my brain generates these like an old laptop you leave in the corner of your room to mine bitcoin. in a way I'm content with this being a very "personal" experience thus far, shared with me and those in my inner social circle (really cannot emphasize to my readers enough how fandom can poison your constitution without self-checked moderation). however... I yearn to meet others who are as passionately involved with him as I am, because I think we could coalesce our ideas, and passion, into something beautiful...

^dio brando

#lucy art #might seem humorous to you that I get so emotional over dio brando every day that I get nauseated and sometimes cry. but tis my atlas #i could not tell you if jojo is actually good by the way outside of sbr which is the best part objectively #dio relapses occur ~once every 2 years and whenever they do i reread dio the invader thirty times and nothing else in the series #hes the only character ive ever bought merchandise for..I hated history until I met him now i can't read any kind of fiction but historical #sorry by the way to use your innocuous compliment as an excuse to talk about dio. wish it was not contrarian to my nature to just make #''posts'' publicly unprompted. i prefer to journal... i don't know how active I will be after this post even. will likely just go back to #sitting with him in a dark room until I finish any/all of the projects I've started #which is mildly unfortunate since I love to collaborate in the marketplace of ideas... my compatriots are out there somewhere #jojo is more popular than it was ''back in my day'' i don't know maybe some of you guys like it. asks always welcome lord knows #I've already pestered my friends with thousands of words about him already over this past month #sidenote: sasha askblog is not abandoned + never will be... it is a fun side project. like many things in life. much planned for him too

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magentagalaxies · 2 months

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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

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v-tired-queer · 2 months

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My goddaughter: *gets up from her spot and starts walking sway*

Me: Where are you going?

GD: *points out of the room*

Me: Can you use your words?

GD: Yeah! 😃

GD: *says nothing more and just walks away*

Me: . . .

#i can't tell if i walked into that one or not #unfortunately when i ask her what she wants for dinner she says 'food' but i know she got that from me #she's a four year old smarty pants and that is very much my fault 😬#but ya know she doesn’t swear; she loves to learn and explore; she uses her manners; and she's a very sweet kid #so i think we're doing something right #for those wondering:#i low-key co-parent with her mom #soooo that being said #parenting #parents #being a parent #co parenting #co parent #parentblr #we're an odd little family but it works for us #i have never been with her mother nor do i ever want to but i am so glad that i've gotten to help raise this blessing since day one #literally--i was in the delivery room #she genuinely knows me as her other parent and i love her SO MUCH #words literally cannot describe it 🩷

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ronanlynchbf · 3 months

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basically there's been a void inside of me since i was 6 and that's what's wrong with me.

#YO BRO DESTINED TO NEVER BELONG 👆🔥🔥🙏💥💯❗❗❗#r.txt #like. ever since i was a little kid i've felt a sense of alienation and lonesomeness whenever wherever & it's only gotten worse over time #<- lonesomeness really THE adam parrish word i can't not think of him whenever i use it. also shakira moment woo that wasn't intended but💪#anyway. urgh. february's such a weird month tbh like one day i'm feeling fine the next i'm contemplating changing my entire life and then #i'm back to feeling fine and waxing poetic abt nature only to feel guilty for simply existing and like i'm never gonna be happy EVER in the #history of my life two days later........fuckass month. count ur days 🔫😐#but we move 👍🙏💪#in other more positive news that i am gonna focus on instead of the stupid february feelings: i've applied for a new ID yday which was long #overdue and i'm over halfway through the 500+ page book i was reading for exams and i'm getting a newspaper job so i'll have a little bit o #income and guaranteed at least an hour outside in the fresh air biking and walking every week and it'll also leave me with enough time to #study without me feeling added pressure bc of the job & come july i'll be two years clean <33 so yay for me 👏

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running-in-the-dark · 4 months

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shit I think I've just admitted to myself for the first time that I kind of hate my dad

#like I've had. conflicting emotions since he died in 2016 #talked through it a lot with my therapist and everything #but.#I think it's only now been long enough that I can be honest and say he really sucked #he was nicer than my mother so he was always my favourite #but he wasn't NICE #he constantly yelled at us #he never stopped my mother from blaming me for everything #right until he died he only cared about his girlfriend and his job #there was never one word about being sad about us (his children)#he did everything for whatever shitty woman he was with at the time. we were never a priority #he treated his girlfriend's daughter (my ex best friend) much better than he ever treated me and she is THE WORST.#like #fuck. that's not okay #he left his first wife and his two small children for my mother #he's always been shitty and I just didn't want to admit that both of my parents were not nice #I mean like I thought it was normal to constantly insult each other and like call your children/parents assholes and whatever #but that's not normal???#like I even had to defend his shitty girlfriend's daughter all the time. she was so young still and he constantly said mean shit about her #fuck. I'm just so tired #I don't want to think about this anymore #and I will never admit this out loud around anyone in my family. because it was always my mother vs my dad and I was in the middle and #everything he did was my fault. he was the worst so I was the worst #(oh but they also had an affair for like 20 years after their divorce. while she was married and he was in several relationships)#(fuck my parents really just suck all around in every fucking way ľ

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astrxealis · 1 year

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really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i #less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous #literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream'#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm #i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually #read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works!#and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had #'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too!#shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit #either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3 #and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained'#a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar!#and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes.#george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending #his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia!#only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm.#'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected #the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh.#BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but #i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao.#'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have #it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to #reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from #neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember.#anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3 #also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33

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faultsofyouth · 10 months

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Like gay sex is always gay sex and I wouldn't call it "Sapphic sex" or anything dumb like that but I have had a problem with calling myself and my relationship business gay for like a long time now

#I mean yes I did identify as a lesbian for like 2 years but I came out to like 5 people and I didn't use the word lesbian in front of #all of them. And I used homosexual instead of lesbian for quite awhile after coming out online too. And this is because #Being out as a lesbian is NOT fun!! like I was bullied so much for dating girls and even just for Looking like I date girls before #I ever did. People do not like it!! And also I was trans when I thought that I wasn't into men so even saying lesbian was like a huge no no #irl for a long time. Like I distinctly remember times when I said it because I wanted to be quiet about it #And im pretty quiet about being bisexual now too which I try to do because I don't think it makes sense to talk #To strangers about being bisexual when I'm in a straight relationship #like straight people don't care about gay stuff they just want to talk to me about straight stuff #so my ssa is hardly relevant. But I have been thinking about it sometimes lately #and I suspect I have a bit of anxiety about people knowing I'm bisexual. My grandparents and my older relatives don't approve #and I was unusual as a kid because many of my peers did not approve #and I guess I really care about people's approval since I just prefer to be quiet about it #I mean I won't lie or refuse to talk about my ex girlfriends and I never have gone out of my way to hide it #but it certainly seems like I have some shame about it that I've never really thought about #Or maybe me not wanting to call myself a lesbian even when I thought I was was just FORESHADOWING #Imagine just being so wrong about yourself on so many levels. For YEARS. Stupid 15 year old

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noxtivagus · 1 year

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i'll read more from now on again

#🌙.rambles #so much to just think about n i'm lost in my own lil world #tmrrw gna have to face reality again bcs of school :c but. yk lately this year i think i've already developed lots #this past week has been especially formative.#i crave n yearn.. intimacy so much. i want to just be free like that. bcs i'm safe in my own self n. too much to say but #i think it's lonely. being out a lot today made me realize that. all these barriers in communication is so.. lonely #i want to read so much more for so many reasons but here with what i've already laid out the first reason i'll say is #i want to understand others better i want to even further expand my own thinking n just learn so much more #n then.. goddamn i want to write too. write so much so i could #it hurts. it hurts so much i feel like i know n think n feel more than i should n the wisdom is breaking me apart i don't know how to put it #into words. maybe that's why i've been afraid to start new things despite my insatiable curiosity n passion.#afraid of how it'll fill me with even more & i'm not sure how i'd manage. i feel as though i understand life differently than most..#most people around me at least. i see myself in musicians. artists. writers.#people who create once they've taken in much as well. people like me but.. it's been rather disturbing when i realize how most of them end #up like. n i wonder. i just wonder so much. n wish n dream that maybe i could end up differently.#i want so desperately to break out of the chains of reality of society of.. all those. idead that are taught to us n internalized ever since #we were born? i don't know how to write it and i don't think words could ever do it justice. but i want to truly be who i am at heart.#and yet being self-aware i suppose is confusing in such a bittersweet way. there's so much more that i do not know and cannot grasp #& then sometimes at the end of the day i just wonder n dream about if ever i would be more connected with reality. with this world.#regardless of how much one may put out to the world.. it'll never be understood or known in the same way as the one it originates from.#it's lonely. sad. but it makes what we can convey and relate with much more meaningful. n i'm so grateful for those things #n there's also just so much that relates to it n. yeah. is part of it like #the unconscious subconscious n conscious mind #for fuck's sake i want to learn so much it's overwhelming. psychoanalysis n neuroscience n #i want to learn more of others too. i want deep conversations. i want to read more books n listen to more music n just consume more n more #to learn more of the people who created them. everything around us is just so full of life n. it's so beautiful n so overwhelmingly painful.#my helplessness in doing more. i'm aware of why. n it just hurts. it hurts so much but i'm #glad at least that lately i've been more free. more myself. more self-aware n aware of the universe in general. n i look forward to #so much more. but.. yeah i still crave to be 'real' n part of this world in a more 'normal' way at times #i. have so much to write. but for now i'll return to reality with the this.. odd feeling in my chest. not enough too little too much. life

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dabidagoose · 2 years

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Not really sure if i should be as bothered as i am about how phylactery is used in DND, since it also refers to tefillin. I saw some people on other parts of the internet discussing how phylactery is more of a translation of tefillin, and sometimes the word has just been used to mean amulet or something to do with protection in Greek, but I'd be curious to know if anyone on here had any thoughts on the matter.

#it's been on the mind for me ever since my character accidentally stole a lich's phylactery #i know some ppl have said d&d has some antisemitic stuff (idk if from actual antisemitism or just general antisemitic fantasy culture #seeping into the game) which especially makes me wonder about the representation of phylacteries and lichs #i generally haven't thought that it's a big enough deal to bring up to my dm but now that we're entering a 'kill the evil lich and try not #to get your character killed by him for stealing his phylactery' arc i wonder if that might change #would just like to talk to other ppl about the subject cause i haven't really made up my mind #especially torn cause I've never heard phylactery used in a synagogue or by any fellow Jews to mean tefillin i think i barely knew it meant #tefillin before this campaign #i knew enough to look it up when i first heard it but just cause I recognized the word didn't even know it was related to Judaism #this is one of those posts that i pray to God stays within my regular circle of mutuals and followers #personal #actually maybe i should talk to the other jew in my party to see if it bothers her. might be weird cause we're not very close but maybe #i mean i feel like she's more Jewish than me so it might be nice to hear her thoughts #hmm don't try looking this up on Tumblr you'll only find weird lore about someone's post that went viral #the more you know 🌈

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fozmeadows · 6 months

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the older I get, the more the technological changes I've lived through as a millennial feel bizarre to me. we had computers in my primary school classroom; I first learned to type on a typewriter. I had a cellphone as a teenager, but still needed a physical train timetable. my parents listened to LP records when I was growing up; meanwhile, my childhood cassette tape collection became a CD collection, until I started downloading mp3s on kazaa over our 56k modem internet connection to play in winamp on my desktop computer, and now my laptop doesn't even have a disc tray. I used to save my word documents on floppy discs. I grew up using the rotary phone at my grandparents' house and our wall-connected landline; my mother's first cellphone was so big, we called it The Brick. I once took my desktop computer - monitor, tower and all - on the train to attend a LAN party at a friend's house where we had to connect to the internet with physical cables to play together, and where one friend's massive CRT monitor wouldn't fit on any available table. as kids, we used to make concertina caterpillars in class with the punctured and perforated paper strips that were left over whenever anything was printed on the room's dot matrix printer, which was outdated by the time I was in high school. VHS tapes became DVDs, and you could still rent both at the local video store when I was first married, but those shops all died out within the next six years. my facebook account predates the iphone camera - I used to carry around a separate digital camera and manually upload photos to the computer in order to post them; there are rolls of undeveloped film from my childhood still in envelopes from the chemist's in my childhood photo albums. I have a photo album from my wedding, but no physical albums of my child; by then, we were all posting online, and now that's a decade's worth of pictures I'd have to sort through manually in order to create one. there are video games I tell my son about but can't ever show him because the consoles they used to run on are all obsolete and the games were never remastered for the new ones that don't have the requisite backwards compatibility. I used to have a walkman for car trips as a kid; then I had a discman and a plastic hardshell case of CDs to carry around as a teenager; later, a friend gave my husband and I engraved matching ipods as a wedding present, and we used them both until they stopped working; now they're obsolete. today I texted my mother, who was born in 1950, a tiktok upload of an instructional video for girls from 1956 on how to look after their hair and nails and fold their clothes. my father was born four years after the invention of colour televison; he worked in radio and print journalism, and in the years before his health declined, even though he logically understood that newspapers existed online, he would clip out articles from the physical paper, put them in an envelope and mail them to me overseas if he wanted me to read them. and now I hold the world in a glass-faced rectangle, and I have access to everything and ownership of nothing, and everything I write online can potentially be wiped out at the drop of a hat by the ego of an idiot manchild billionaire. as a child, I wore a watch, but like most of my generation, I stopped when cellphones started telling us the time and they became redundant. now, my son wears a smartwatch so we can call him home from playing in the neighbourhood park, and there's a tanline on his wrist ike the one I haven't had since the age of fifteen. and I wonder: what will 2030 look like?

#millennials #technology #personal #generations #generational change

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piss-stained-jorts · 3 months

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"if you point a gun at a nihilist's head, they'll beg for their life, proving it has meaning." haha yeah man cool. so like while you go to the gun store to buy the bullets I'll stay here with them. nooooo haha i'm not gonna sneak out the door with them in toe and go feed the ducks. you can totally trust me to stay here so you can Own Them and Prove Your Point lol i won't take their hand gently and let them say the darkest thoughts kept away in their heart as we look at a sunset together and contemplate why it doesn't seem to make us as happy as it makes other people. yeah we'll be here waiting while you load the gun bro we aren't planning on spilling our hearts to each other on the soft green grass as the clouds roll by. yes the gun is what will prove life has meaning that's how we will go about it and not warm grilled cheese sandwiches over coffee at a coffee shop. dude you're so wicked smart man no no don't worry about the sound of laughter in the garden

#random thoughts #i've never liked the concept of using Tough Love as a means to FORCE someone to appreciate life #tough love is just how you avoid being vulnerable as you try to do the vulnerable act of loving someone #i realized i wanted to live when my brother gave me permission to die #he didnt hold the gun to my forehead he put it in my hands and told me he loved me in the words he wanted to hear when HE wanted to die #(but in non-metaphor speak the gun was actually somewhere in dad's room and we were in the kitchen)#(he gave me my freedom and held no power or sense of smugness over me. he was willing to let me go)#(no one has ever loved me in the exact same fashion as him. i owe him so much)#(he's the only one who has ever heard my lamenting life and being alive and told me i didn't have to do it anymore. that i had a choice)#(he didnt tell me how wrong my way of thinking was or how i needed to change. he took me as i was and just....let me be)#(even if it meant losing me. because he knew the pain i felt and was willing to bear it himself if it meant i could be free)#(my brother loves in a way that i hope to be worthy of eventually)#(it's kind of funny. my dad always tells me if he could take my pain and bear it himself he would)#(but calls suicide a selfish thing. my brother has never made me such a promise and yet he lived that promise out right in front of me)#(anyway that was back in like 2017 or 2016. i've slowly come to see life as worth living ever since)

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choppedmint · 4 months

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None of my favorite characters ever die - nope, they're all fine. Just on vacation ... in Nebraska!

Me, finding out my favorite character IN A FANDOM I'M NOT EVEN IN (very certainly not, nope, not me, I'm not obsessed. I'm in a healthy working relationship with AO3 right now), dies.

This is normal. This is usual. I am always fated to have this occur. But also this never happened and I deny seeing anything. Death? What death? No death here? What does it mean that my character has this strange word next to them by their 'Status' on the wiki? Naaah. Imma just gonna go look at fan art and forget canon exists again.

In fact, I have never ever consumed canon ever. I've no idea what you're talking about. The only existence I know of for this character is whatever fun scenario I'm making up in my head! Ooo! Look at the pretty fan art! Isn't it great! Ignore this book I'm pushing under the bed, it has an authors name on it, but I think this story was ACTUALLY written by Unicornlovver256 on whatever site of my choosing, or weren't you aware you were reading the objectively incorrect one?

#I can and will start using Nabraska as a code word for dead #Watch me #I'm not crying #You're crying #Never ever gonna read tags again #Not me remembering how things end for me #Woe is me for just picking highly killable characters #Author just looks at anyone I like and goes 'but what if dead?'#I do this to myself #I once picked up a book #fell in love with the dude in the prologue #and he was important to the plot #IT WAS IMPORTANT THAT HE DIED!#I've never learned since #I'm in the denial stage of grief

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angelfic · 10 months

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— IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU BABY

pairing: mattheo riddle x nott!reader

summary: you weren't quite used to the attention of other boys, and it seems your brother's best friend isn't too fond of it either

warnings: brother's best friend trope!! swearing, kissing, not much else, very much unedited

author’s note: i don't tend to stray outside of the marauders era characters buuuut i've been a bit obsessed with mattheo and theo recently so this was for my own selfish needs lol as always let me know what you think!!

He had barely looked away from you all evening.

You knew the only reason Mattheo’s eyes had been fixed on you for the entirety of dinner was because of a certain type of attention you had unconsciously garnered on your first day back at school. Particularly male attention. It wasn’t any less disconcerting, however, knowing that your brother’s best friend was prepared to fist fight any potential romantic advances towards you because he was just as protective as your actual older sibling.

Your brother Theodore is no better, a displeased frown appearing every five minutes when he looks over to where you sit at the Gryffindor table.

“Merlin, boys are pathetic,” Ginny mutters, spearing a potato with her fork. “You go away for one summer and come back slightly prettier and they flock to you like bees to honey!” You’re about to weakly protest that she’s exaggerating, but at that exact moment you’re interrupted by a tap on your shoulder.

You slowly turn on the bench, reluctantly lowering your goblet of pumpkin juice to face Michael Corner, a Ravenclaw boy who you’d only ever spoken to when he was going out with Ginny.

“Hi, Michael,” you sigh, offering him a bland smile.

“Hello, Nott,” Michael replies, with what he probably thinks is a winning smile. “Had a good summer? I was just going to ask if you wanted to go on the first Hogsmeade visit of the term with me.”

You stare at him, unblinking. “Er- well, as… nice as that sounds,” you say slowly, not meaning a word. You glance at Ginny as pointedly as you can manage and raise an eyebrow. “I don’t quite relish the idea of going out with my best friend’s ex.”

“Oh! I, erm, I didn’t actually see you there, Ginny,” he stammers, laughing sheepishly. “My mistake.”

“Quite,” Ginny says drily, turning back to her plate of food.

“Well, er, see you later then,” Michael mumbles, nearly tripping over himself as he rushes back to the Ravenclaw table.

You bite your lip to stifle your giggles but it’s not long before you catch Ginny’s eye and the both of you erupt into fits of laughter.

“I can’t believe I ever went out with him,” Ginny groans, wiping her eyes.

“Was he always such a tosser or is that new?” you ask, snorting at the way Ginny scrunches up her face in embarrassment.

You’re still laughing when your eyes happen to pass over the Slytherin table just to focus on Mattheo.

You notice with a jolt that he’s looking at you again. This time, his eyes flick over to the Ravenclaw table for a second where Michael has settled back onto, then back to you and he quirks a brow quizzically.

Frowning, you mouth at him to stop in hopes that he ceases his scrutiny, just for him to roll his eyes and return to whatever one-sided conversation Blaise Zabini was attempting to engage him in. You hope you don’t look as flustered as you feel after realising Mattheo has just witnessed such an embarrassing encounter, but you’ve found over the years that you’re not the best at hiding the effects he has on you. Theo has never mentioned it in front of Mattheo as far as you’re aware, but he definitely hasn’t shied away from teasing you about the childhood crush you have on your brother’s closest friend. Not that you’ve ever admitted it to him anyway, and you’ve gotten a lot better at hiding it since nothing could ever come of it.

“Your brother and Riddle have been looking like they’re ready to halve the male population of Hogwarts since we got on the bloody train,” Ginny says, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Tell me about it,” you sigh, cutting into your carrot a little more viciously than needed. “They keep looking over at our table. I feel like I’m on one of those Muggle reality television programmes Hermione was telling your dad about the other week.”

Arthur Weasley was absolutely transfixed when he was learning about reality television from Hermione during breakfast the week you both stayed at The Burrow, and although you zoned out after his sixteenth question about a singular programme, you feel as though you caught the gist of it.

“Hm,” Ginny agrees, grimacing at the memory. She had nodded off at the table during that conversation and fallen asleep on her slice of toast. “In fairness, that’s not really a new thing.”

“What, being watched by my two guard dogs?” you ask in a mock-serious voice.

“Yeah, but…” Ginny chews thoughtfully for a second before answering. “I’m not just talking about today, or even recently. Your brother mostly minds his own business. I’m talking about Riddle. He’s always looking at you, I noticed it last year. Wherever we are, kind of like he’s checking up on you,” she says like it’s common knowledge, shrugging. “It’s sweet, I guess.”

You blink at her, a little speechless.

“What?” Ginny frowns after a few seconds of your silence. You look at her with raised eyebrows, not really taking her seriously. In your first few years at Hogwarts, you had confided in Ginny regarding your silly, little girl feelings for Mattheo and she would read into every action he took towards you in an attempt to prove he liked you too. Obviously, he saw you as nothing but a younger sister figure and once you grew up a bit, Ginny had let it go too.

Ginny reads your dubious expression now and sets down her knife and fork to cross her arms. “Oh, for heaven’s sake. I’m serious! I’m not just saying it because you were helplessly in love with him until you were, like, fourteen.”

“Shush!” you hiss, thwacking her arm. “Why don’t you just get up on stage with Dumbledore and ask him to include that titbit of information for the entire school to hear in his speech!”

“Good idea,” she says, nodding seriously and starting to get up. You know she’s just teasing, but you start spluttering and frantically grab at her sleeve to sit her back down, causing her to topple onto you slightly. This sets you both off laughing again and you find it hard to stop for the rest of dinner and desert, thankfully staying far away from the topic of Mattheo. You also pointedly avoid looking at him again.

Once dinner is over, you head to the Gryffindor common room with the rest of your house and catch up with everyone for a while. After a couple hours of socialising and fifteen minutes of helping Neville Longbottom search for his pet toad, you head up to your dorm with Ginny and Lena, one of your other dormmates, to unpack.

As soon as you open your luggage, you search for your pyjamas and immediately change out of your robes and into a t-shirt and baggy shorts for comfort. You’re in the middle of unpacking some textbooks when you hear Lena whistle from behind you.

“I do not remember those pyjamas looking like that,” Lena comments, grinning at you. Rolling your eyes, you comply with her request to do a little spin and you can’t help feeling pleased when Lena and Ginny start whooping and hollering. “You’ve always been gorgeous, but you really grew up this summer, huh? Look at those legs!”

“Tell me about it,” Ginny pipes in, flopping down on her bed and abandoning her unpacked suitcase. “She came to stay for a week and Mum looked like she was going to cry every time she saw us. Something about ‘blossoming into young ladies’ or whatever bollocks.”

“You ‘blossomed’ last year,” you point out, and Lena hums in agreement. “I haven’t forgotten how Zacharias Smith fell off his broom trying to wave at you during Quidditch practice.”

Ginny groans and starts ranting about teenage boys again. Lena joins in and starts teasing her about how Harry Potter is the only boy she hasn’t complained about and you’re about to set down your belongings to help Lena dodge the pillows Ginny is throwing at her when a flash of green and silver in your suitcase catches your eye.

“Shite, I have Theo’s uniform,” you huff, grabbing the clothes out of your suitcase and sliding your slippers on. “That means he has mine and I am not dealing with this at seven in the morning. I’m gonna go drop this off, be back in a minute.”

Ginny says goodbye before resuming her pillow attack on Lena as you make your way out of the room and down into the common room. It’s nearly empty, with most people having gone to their rooms to pack and a quick glance at the clock tells you its past curfew. You decide to take the risk since you have a reasonable excuse, but you hope that if you do get caught, it isn’t by Filch or Snape.

By the time you’ve reached the dungeons, you thank Merlin that Theo had the sense to tell you the password for the Slytherin common room before dinner in case of emergency.

“Pureblood,” you mutter, fighting the urge to scoff when the door swings open. You enter the common room and brighten up when you see that the only students still hanging around are Theo and his friends. Your brother seems to have already started unpacking since he’s standing and holding your uniform, presumably about to come and find you. His friends all mumble polite ‘hello’s and he walks up to you with a smile.

“Oh, hey, I was just-” Theo cuts himself off when he properly looks at you and frowns. “Wha- Why are you wearing pyjamas out and about?”

“You’re wearing pyjamas too!” you exclaim, slightly embarrassed that your brother is doing this in front of your friends. They all turn to look at you again, hearing the indignation in Theo’s voice and you notice Mattheo suddenly sits up straighter. Suddenly aware of your bare legs, you tug down the material of your shorts, despite the fact they aren’t even very short to begin with.

“Oi. Stop looking at my sister!”” Theo snaps, glaring at Blaise, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. You know the only reason they glanced at you in the first place is out of curiosity regarding Theo’s question, but Theo and Mattheo scowl at them all the same and they all start sputtering, Draco in particular when Pansy narrows her eyes at him. Theo sighs at you, quickly exchanging your uniforms. “Just- at least take something to cover up back to your room.”

“I’ll walk her back,” Mattheo says, out of nowhere. He stands up and makes his way over to you, face carefully blank. Theo nods, agreeing quickly before he ruffles your hair goodbye to go and finish packing. You’re too surprised by Mattheo’s offer to protest until you’re already out of the Slytherin common room.

“I don’t need someone to walk me back, you know,” you mumble after a minute of charged silence.

“It was either me or Theo,” he shrugs, completely unapologetic when his mouth quirks up in a smug smile. “And I know you prefer me.”

“You’re both equally annoying,” you say, rolling your eyes, happy that he’s talking to you like normal again. You hated it whenever Mattheo was serious – it was rarely ever towards you and you much preferred when his whole face lit up with a smile. He begins to tease you about your bunny rabbit slippers and you’re in the middle of pretending to be irked when you both run into Ernie Macmillan, a Hufflepuff prefect doing patrol duties.

“Hey,” Ernie offers you a friendly smile and gives Mattheo a brief, slightly nervous glance. While you prefer not to get into trouble for breaking curfew, Mattheo clearly couldn’t care less and his relaxed, yet intimidating stance must be off-putting to Ernie. Thankfully, you’re on friendly terms with the Hufflepuff and you give him an even brighter smile to make up for it, to which he beams at. “How was your summer?”

“Good, yeah! Erm, listen Ernie. We didn’t mean to be out at this time, it’s just that I accidentally had my brother’s uniform and needed to-”

“Oh, forget it. Don’t worry, I won’t dock you any points,” Ernie reassures you, waving off your excuses and you instantly relax. Ernie gives Mattheo another unsure glance before leaning in the tiniest bit closer to you. You try not to pay attention to how Ernie has been glancing at your legs and how Mattheo tenses up when Ernie starts speaking again. “I was actually wondering if you were available next weekend…?”

Ernie trails off when you don’t show any indication of replying straight away and you snap out of your surprise to say something, but Mattheo beats you to it.

“She’s busy then,” he says coldly, working his jaw. “Now, if you don’t mind, it’s late. Kindly get lost.”

“Wha- Matt!” you hiss, smacking his chest to which he barely flinches, nor does he look at all apologetic. “Ernie, I-”

“Never mind,” he says quickly, seemingly eager to just leave. “I’ll, er, see you later.”

You stand frozen in shock while Ernie rushes down the corridor and turns the corner, leaving you and Mattheo alone. Turning slowly, you look at him with barely contained anger.

“Why the hell did you do that?” you demand, voice sharp as nails. If it weren’t past curfew and you weren’t in the middle of a school corridor, you would most definitely be yelling. Mattheo stands with his hands in his pockets, clenching his jaw and his silence makes you even angrier. You accepted long ago that you’d never have a chance with him, but now he was getting in the way of you having a chance with anyone. It was completely unfair. “What if I actually wanted to go out with him?!”

Mattheo scowls at this, but his impossibly dark brown eyes flash with a hint of uncertainty. “Did you?”

“What?” you ask, impatient.

“Did you want to go out with him?” he says, voice low and dangerous. He walks forward, towering over you and you refuse to be intimidated so you start walking backward until your back is against the wall. Despite having cornered you, he maintains a fair amount of distance between you, leaving plenty of space if you want to move away. You don’t.

“That’s none of your business,” you say stubbornly, raising your chin and trying your best to keep your voice steady. Mattheo narrows his eyes and reduces the distance between you ever so slightly with another small step. You nervously keep talking. “I can go out with whoever I want.” Another step. “And you can’t just-” One more step. “Matt.” His shoes are flush with your slippers.

“What?” he whispers, tilting his head and looking at you calmly, while you feeling anything but calm. “I can’t just… what?”

The previously respectable distance has gone out the window and instead you barely have space to breathe with the way Mattheo is leaning in, head dipped toward you but never touching, hands resting on the wall either side of you. He leans in, eyes dropping to your lips and your heart leaps in your chest with anticipation, but he ghosts his lips over your jaw instead and the barely-there contact has you breathing unevenly.

“You can’t…” you exhale, trying to finish your sentence with some dignity and failing miserably. “You can’t just scare people off like an overprotective older brother.”

Mattheo stills, lifting his head enough to meet your eyes, but making no move to distance himself any further. He scoffs quietly. “Brother,” he says the word with a mildly disgusted scowl. “Is that what you think I want to be?”

“I- I don’t…”

“You don’t know,” Mattheo finishes for you, the corners of his mouth turning up, yet his expression is devoid of humour. “No, you don’t know how badly I wanted to hex Macmillan just now. How badly I wanted to try out some new, experimental spells on that fucking Ravenclaw earlier. But none of that had anything to do with brotherly feelings.”

“They were just being nice,” you say stupidly, with not a clue in the world as to why you’re defending them right now. If anything, you’re just confused.

Mattheo quirks a brow, tongue pressing against his cheek as he considers your words. “That Ravenclaw from earlier was talking about you on the train. He said he was going to ask you out at dinner because you’d ‘gotten hot’ over summer,” Mattheo sneers, like he’s suddenly regretting not hexing Michael Corner in the Great Hall. “They weren’t being nice.”

All of a sudden, you feel irritated because you have no idea why Mattheo is telling you any of this. “What’s wrong with a boy finding me attractive? Is that such a crazy idea?” you demand, part of you not wanting him to answer.

“Merlin, do I seriously have to say it?” he groans, sighing when you glare at him. Mattheo takes a breath, meeting your eyes and you marvel at the sincerity you see when he speaks. “You didn’t ‘get hot’ over the summer. You’ve always been beautiful and they’re idiots for not paying attention then.”

Your breath catches in your throat, whether it’s from emotion or from the close proximity with Mattheo, you aren’t sure. “You think I’m beautiful?”

Mattheo nods, leaning back in to brush his nose against your own, his breath mingling with yours. “Always have.”

You take this as a cue to grab the collar of his shirt and pull him in and the next thing you know, his mouth is firm against yours, and his hands are finally touching you, grabbing you by the waist and sliding up your back to hold you closer. You’ve thought about kissing Mattheo before, but the thoughts feel utterly stupid compared to the real thing. Mattheo kisses you fiercely, mouth sliding hot and wet against your own making you come alive and weakening you at the same time. He nips at your bottom lip and you gasp, causing him to smile into the kiss. Your hands are sliding up his chest to snake around his neck when a thought suddenly occurs to you and you pull away abruptly.

“Oh my God, Theodore,” you hiss, covering your mouth with your hand. Mattheo furrows his brows, looking a little dazed and confused. “What are we going to tell him?”

“He knows I’ve loved you since we were kids,” Mattheo says flippantly, waving you off and impatiently starting to lean in again, but you stop him with a hand on his chest. “What?”

“You’ve loved me since we were kids?” The words hardly register, but before you can feel any sort of elation, you mostly feel pissed off that your brother has clearly had his fun with the situation for years. “And Theo knows?”

“Yes,” Mattheo says slowly, as if he were talking to a child. He brushes the hair out of your face and his gaze turns a little uncertain when he speaks. “Er, this is hopefully the part where you say you feel the same way.”

“Well, of course I feel the same way,” you huff, still thoroughly annoyed at Theo. “He knew I was crazily in love with you too and the bastard was so irritating about it!”

You’re about three quarters of the way down a list of ways you want to get back at your brother when Mattheo gently turns your face by the chin to look at him. “As much as I’d love for you to plot against your brother right now, it’s kind of a mood killer thinking about him when I’m kissing you.”

“Sorry, sorry. Continue with the kissing.”

“How romantic,” he says drily. His smirk turns smug, however, when he processes your previous statement. “So… you were in love with me too. What was the word you used, again? Crazily? Crazily in love…”

“Don’t make me take it back, ‘cause I swear I will.”

#mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x fem reader #mattheo riddle fanfic #mattheo riddle fanfiction #mattheo riddle scenarios #mattheo riddle smut #mattheo riddle fluff #mattheo riddle imagines #mattheo riddle ff #mattheo x reader #mattheo x you #mattheo x y/n

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sirzeldrizz · 3 months

Text

"I love you but I can't say those words":

I would drown even the stars for you.

When I look at you, I just think about how much things have changed since we first met.. my how time flies..

don't you think looking at me like that will give me the wrong impression?

oh, by the way, don't be late for dinner.

I don't think I would have rather done this with anyone else..

did you ever think we'd grow so close?

how many times have I had to nurse you back to health now?

maybe you should sit this one out, I've got it for now

why haven't you told me this before?

Please don't do anything reckless

Will you sit with me?

When was the last time you ate??

Anything that you have to say to me, you can say infront of [B]

I know you're not feeling the greatest, that's why I brought you [insert thing]

you just love to give me hell, don't you?

You're important to me.

I don't wanna lose you / I can't bare to lose you

do you need some help with that? allow me

Hidden Confessions:

I don't think you understand just how much you really mean to me.

I know how you are, and that's why I've decided that you won't do this alone.

You can't get rid of me that easily (after an argument)

don't think so low of my loyalty to you for I would burn the heavens if it mean saving the stars in your eyes.

you've always been the one person who I could never stay mad at

I cherish the memories we make together

I will never let anything or anyone hurt you

you won't take them away from me

don't you dare lay a finger on them!

if you so much as make a move on them I will kill you where you stand, you hear me?

so precious, our time together

I love whatever this is between us.

do you ever think about where we'll be in 10 years?

careful now, you just might make me blush talking like that

Sappy Sentences:

I don't think the heavens or the hells below could fathom the level of love we share.

If there were a way to bottle your love, I'd get drunk on it every day

Sometimes all I really want is to lay like this, with you in my arms forever.

For us eternity doesn't mean for the rest of time. Eternity is just for the rest of our lives together.

I don't remember giving you my heart, but I know it's safe in your hands.

Watching you get hurt is like a blade through the heart, I can't take it.

Even if I had six hearts, they'd all beat for you.

I can't blame those who stare at you, I get lost in your beauty myself.

I'd worship you as my supreme deity, bathe me in your grace

I'd do anything in the world for you. Just you name it.

Come lay with me, I want to heart your heartbeat.

Everytime I'm with you, I can't help but feel at peace with the world.

#starter prompt #dialogue prompt #writing #writing prompt

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melonn-soda · 4 months

Text

❝ PERSONAL STREAM (A Little Too Personal..) ❞

word count: 1.9k

warnings: subbot! cis male reader, domtop! cis male kamo choso, camboy! choso, slight dumbification?, praise kink, reader referred to as a size queen (term is used for a man), mention of edging (choso), mentions/descriptions of manhandling

prompt: congratulations! you just won a solo fan call with your favorite camboy! hope you have fun watching him getting off to you being just the goodest boy ever :)

notes: a gift for and and idea from @sooniebby I jus made it into a choso fic. I've been holding it off for a while now, I think. this isn't as good as had wanted it to be but it's fine regardless. not beta read, sorry not sorry

fem aligned dni

you can’t believe it.

you actually can’t believe what you’re reading right now.

in your email inbox, something you barely ever check unless needed to, had a message from the user of a porn website (not your proudest moment) that you signed up on just to watch his videos, telling you that you won this month’s drawing. you had to stand up, walk around, eat breakfast, and come back to your computer to see if it was still there. if it was still real. you swore you’ve never felt so excited yet so scared in your life.

to know that, somehow, you won that solo fan call, to know that he’ll be jerking off for you, to know that no one else can see him but you, talking to you, and- shit. you were getting hard. you looked back at your computer screen. the email is still there. you’re not crazy. you feel like you are though.

the roll of the cheap gaming chair you bought from amazon sounded muffled in your ears as you backed away from your computer, getting up to get ready for the day with that email still lingering like an itch on your scalp that you can’t seem to satisfy. you need to get to work.

your co-workers noticed the blank stare in your eyes as you slipped on your chef coat and pants, hands on autopilot as you tucked hair into your hat and tied the apron around your waist. it smelled of fresh detergent since they just washed your uniform. your friend had to even point out that you cut your finger when dicing onions because you were too out of it to even notice. or was it that working in the food industry made your fingers numb to the sensation since it happens so many times? ... huh.

when you got back home, you opened up the email again. it’s still there. it’s still real. did you want it to be fake? part of you says yes but the majority of you hoped not. i mean, you’ve been following this guy for.. what, months now? lord knows how much money you’ve sent to him. he wants to start the call at 7pm on discord.

you thought he might use something else other than that app but he was probably just using an alternative account and he most likely changes his user after every raffle. if you were him, you would do the same thing.

...

you should probably take a shower.

it was 6:40 and your hair was still damp with water, towel resting on your shoulders to catch any stray droplets from getting your shirt wet. you kind of wanted to back out. the fear of being one to one with the camboy you’ve been fantasizing about for a long while now was scaring you a bit.

fingers fidgeting with the paper stars littering your desk and your foot rapidly tapping against the floor, you watched the seconds go by on your desktop. your dominant hand reaches for your mouse and highlights his username to copy it and paste it onto the add user section, sending the friend request to see that he accepts it not even 2 minutes later. ...was he getting ready?

your webcam was sitting on your desk, not properly hooked onto the top of your computer. it was plugged in but you hardly ever use it so it just sits where it is. should you set it up? ..no, you didn’t feel like it. your mic was completely ready though, as always. you and your friends would always play together on call, so it was your most used piece of equipment.

4 minutes.

your stomach twisted in anxiety.

choso sighed as he applied lotion all over his torso, all too used to the way he prepared everything during streams and bonus videos locked behind an even bigger paywall. this sidegig he was doing felt like a chore sometimes but money was money, and by god did this account make him a lot of it.

lots of women flocked to his account, entranced by the way his voice stuttered whenever he close, his hips that instinctively jerked because his hand wasn’t able to move any faster, and the whimpers that teared into the mic when he came all over his hands and milked himself for all that he’s worth. they mostly talked about how perfect his dick looked but that was an average comment in his chat.

he saw the friend request notification pop up on his computer and figured he’d at least get his cock hard before the call even started. he put on some random porno in the background, stroking himself with little care and when he got half-hard, he figured that would’ve been enough. he accepted the friend request and close the tab with the video playing, looking over to see that he had 4 minutes until he would start the call.

fingers moving expertisley across the keyboard, he made sure to tell you that the first 30 minutes of this session was free, any longer and you would have to start paying up. you replied with a very short, “got it.” and left it at that. you seemed to type out something more before it quickly went away, causing choso to raise an eyebrow. were you scared?

35 seconds.

choso was getting tired of waiting, so he began the call. unbeknownst to him, you freaked out when you heard the ringtone rumble through your speakers, hesitating to accept the call. in the end, you did anyway because you didn’t have to pay for this private session for 30 whole minutes.

the half-curse’s hand went back to his dick, stroking it with barely any passion behind his movements. however, he wasn’t expecting to see the face of the winner from the drawing within 5 minutes of the call, teeth biting into his fist as his other hand’s fingers worked himself open. choso swore he was no longer half-hard, dick twitching to life in his hands, pre already leaking from the tip of his cock.

he was used to mostly knowing that women were behind the screen and heavily suspected that you might’ve been one- but fuck, to know that another man was getting off to his voice, his cock, drove him wild.

maybe he’ll get rid of that 30 minute rule.

you didn’t mean to turn your webcam on.

you could feel your stomach sink when you could see yourself on full display for the camboy in the discord call. it was too late to turn it off now. whatever. you only live once.

“aren’t you just the cutest?” you aren’t sure why you flinched but the way his voice carried those words certainly got you feeling things, “how about you turn your mic on too, yeah? wanna hear your pretty voice.”

shakily, the hand you were biting on reaches for your mouse and you click unmute. your fingers that were inside you accidentally pressed against your prostate, causing a loud moan to fall from your lips, immediately slapping your hand over your mouth to silence yourself. you don’t want to get a noise complaint from the neighbors... again. the first time having to explain that to an officer was embarrassing enough.

“good boy,” he grunts into the mic, bucking his hips up with a loud smack coming from his end of the call, “jus’ the sweetest little thing, aren’t ya? betcha’d be just absolutely adorable if i were to fuck you stupid. it hasn’t even been 15 minutes and you’re drooling all over your pretty fingers.”

you didn’t even notice that you’ve been panting so much that spit began to run down your chin, too absorbed in the way the camboy’s dick spilled even more pre over his massive hands. fuck, just how strong could he be? could he manhandle you? yank your head back using your hair as a handle while blowing your back out? shove you down on his cock because you simply weren’t riding him fast enough?

“you got a dildo on you, baby?” he asks you, his hand slowing down to a stop. his words pulled you out of your abundance of fantasies to shift your focus back into reality, vision a little blurry from the tears resting on your eyelids.

you managed to fumble out a small, “mhmm..” just loud enough for him to hear and he tells you to grab it. in a slight daze, you reach into one of your many desk drawers to pull out the toy that sat in its box, already cleaned from its prior use.

“do a favor for me, yeah? put it in nice and slow, imagine it’s my cock stuffing you full. how big ‘s your toy? five- six inches?” he sure likes to ask a lot of stuff, you notice.

“‘s seven..” you mutter, wincing when you push the toy inside your hole, stretching you full and your mind goes numb.

he chuckles, deep and breathy and shit- “so you’re a size queen? that’s what they call it, right?” he starts pumping his fist around his cock again, albeit slower than before. you would take a bet that he was edging himself, “that’s it. such a good boy f’me.”

legs quaking in place, you managed to get it all inside you. sitting on it was much harder on your chair than you anticipated, the current position you were holding getting uncomfortable. cautiously, you lifted your hips, wrapping your hand around your own dick and giving it a few strokes while breathy moans left your lips, slamming yourself back down on the dildo. your eyes widened in surprise as the tip of it pressed against your prostate, a loud whimper echoing throughout your room.

“fuck-! you’re so cute, mmph- k-keep going, baby. i’m getting close- ah!” you could see that his hand was moving much faster than when you last looked up at your camera, quick breaths and filthy pleas paired with the desperate thrusts of his hips.

stumbled cries left your lips when you began to keep up with his pace, fingers getting sticky with pre as you continue to stimulate yourself. through blurred tears, you could see his hips rut one last time before a stifled moan left his throat and his fist was coated with his cum, dripping onto his pants.

he winces at the overstimulation from just shifting his hand to let go of his softening cock, grabbing a tissue to clean himself up while watching you bounce up and down your toy. you could even say he was jealous. even so, he could tell you were pathetically chasing your own orgasm, breathy sighs escaping from the confines of your lips. eyes closed in slight shame yet concentration, your thumb came up to the tip of your dick and rubbed, causing a yelp to slip through and your eyes opened once more.

however, you weren’t expecting to see the gorgeous face behind the creator of all those inappropriate streams you’ve watched the second your hips slammed back down on the dildo.

“[name]..”

ropes of your own release spilling out of your dick, it finally registered in your head that the camboy was willingly letting you see this. your thighs quaked not only in nervousness but also in fear that you might get a boner again just from how handsome he was. his face was pale although dusted with a bright hue of red covering his cheeks, eyebags signaling a lack of sleep, he had some sort of black line going over the bridge of his nose and cheekbones, and slightly messy black hair tied up into short ponytails. if he wasn't attractive to anyone, he was at least attractive to you.

his pretty and slightly plump lips opened to speak once more, “do you.. wanna meet up in person..?”

“h-huh...?”

#x bottom male reader #bottom male reader #male reader #x male reader #sub male reader #dom male character #top male character #jjk x reader #jjk x male reader #jujutsu kaisen x male reader #choso x reader #choso x male reader #jjk choso x reader #jjk choso x male reader #gay #mlm #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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