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ferallester · 4 months

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okay so I didn’t have the motivation to do Appreciation Week at first, but seeing @yonpote do it all in one day has inspired me so let’s do it! (but with screenshots and stuff bc Yeah LMAO)

for @dpgdaily’s Dan and Phil Appreciation Week!

post is under a break so that it doesn’t just break tumblr

Day 1 - Favourite Dan and/or Phil quote:

the entire opening from the pinof 7 bloopers is hilarious but by far one of my favourite quotes (one that has continually haunted me since 2016, when I watched it for the first time) is:

D: Stand still!

P: Stencil!

D: … I’m gonna hit you. [laughs] Shut up!

I quote this weirdly often in my fics. In fact, I’m pretty sure two of my recent published fics use it as a reference. I didn’t realise until now that I was partially misquoting it XD

I also can’t not mention, from Basically I’m Gay (the entire part from when Dan starts talking about Phil is linked, quote starts about twenty seconds later):

D: We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates […]

maybe he was trying to be ironic, but there’s something intensely poetic about his body language when he describes them as actual soulmates

I’m obsessed with it, but in like the way people don’t shut up about Pride and Prejudice, maybe, idk I’m just bisexual and hoping that I get half as lucky as the boys have

there are many more moments tbh I could say LMAO

Day 2 - Favourite Dan and Phil Series:

OUGHHHHH THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY REALLY DIFFICULT—

what is now called Season 1 of the Sims 4 and the Undertale playthrough are VERY close contenders, but I think my favourite series is actually the DITLs! (there’s no playlist for this one rip)

you can easily split them into two or three sections (depending on if you count any of The Making Of videos for TABINOF, the calendars, or the prep for II as DITLs), and each section has something wonderful to enjoy!

the ‘local’ DITLs (Manchester and London) are incredibly domestic, with the boys just going about a semi-typical day, and the Festive DITL honestly just turns that up to a hundred, I love the domestic ones so much

the ‘holiday’ ones too (Japan and Australia) are also super fun, because we get to see the boys doing silly touristy things like holding koalas or hanging around one of the busiest intersections in Tokyo (I also keep hearing conspiracies about the Australian one LMAO)

the ‘making of’ videos are their own unique source of slice-of-life entertainment, because They’re Getting Important Stuff Done but they’re making it entertaining for us too

my favourites are the original DITL and Festive DITL <3

Day 3 - Favourite Dan and/or Phil Outfit:

used @phanoutfitsblog’s screenshots for most of these, with the exception of Dan’s initial look in the baking video (also I’d be lying if I said that Sister Daniel wasn’t high up on this list hhhh)

can Phil stop being pretty for FIVE MINUTES JEEZ— it’s actually incredibly difficult to pin down favourite outfits for him bc he just. Keeps. On. WINNING.

his red shirt in the red carpet roasting video is probably the most iconic so far but it could really have been literally any other outfit he’s worn in the last several years

and Dan’s no slouch, either! this man is gorgeous and he ROCKS it! he wore this particular shirt (?) to an interview (or at least it was framed like one) and he looks INCREDIBLE in it but I can’t remember where I found the other screenshot so I won’t post it lmao

his initial appearance in the Halloween baking video before he changes into Sister Daniel is also equally pretty bc of the makeup and honestly? gimme your gender Howell

other honourable mentions include a recent magazine shoot that I’ve forgotten the name of (some phan I am LMAO, shame on me for only remembering the pink), and his dystopia motorcycle twink shirt from the red carpet video

Day 4 - Favourite Joint Content

oooh, difficult question, that’s like choosing a favourite child! still, the answer to this one is a lot simpler than Day 5 below, because it’s the original PINOF, as well as the photobooth challenge!

while PINOF wasn’t my initial introduction to the boys (that goes to the Sims 4), it’s one of the earliest things I watched of them, and almost certainly what got me to stick with them! (along with the Sims 4… LMAO)

Dan says he was being ironic when he said ‘this is the most fun I’ve ever had, and maybe it’s the tism kicking in, but he doesn’t sound sarcastic or ironic when he says that

it’s pretty clear from the get go that they’re two boys (boys in love, even) making a silly video, having absolutely zero idea that it’s going to change the world <3

the pb challenge, meanwhile, is just incredibly funny, I remember almost hurting myself from laughing so hard the first time I watched it XD it hasn’t aged perfectly, but that’s most things from ten years ago

the honourable mentions list is VERY long so I won’t put all of them here LMAO, but the Get Down video is one of them XD

Day 5- Favourite DanAndPhilGames video

oooh, another difficult question, here, because more often than not, the answer is yes! I could say the Halloween baking video one day, and the Katamari video the next, and one of the Sims 4 building videos because I’m a sucker for renovations (also, the GAY WEDDING and the RETURN in general!), and honestly there’s so many videos I’ve forgotten over the years (LOVE NIKKI!) but I think I’m gonna say the finale of Undertale!

it makes me cry every time I rewatch the series, and it’s such a beautiful story, and yeah I’m a mess just thinking about it, because the fact that they chose to be pacifists from the get go is one of the genuinely sweetest things I can think of

Day 6 - Favourite Solo Video(s)

oh no I don’t actually know how to fully answer for Dan, but at a guess… yeah who am I kidding, it’s BIG and We’re All Doomed! :D (yes I know WAD! isn’t a video (yet, hopefully) but it overrides literally everything else bc I loved that night so much)

BIG, as a queer person, is just honestly so incredibly important to me, because being able to listen to other queer people — very successful ones, too — and how they’ve struggled in ways I’ve been fortunate to have never suffered, and how they overcame it all, and are still dealing with it to this day? yeah I’m still so proud of Dan for it all, he deserves the life he’s made for himself <3

WAD is in a similar vein to this, but with the addition of me being able to actually MEET Dan and then watch him on STAGE as he did his comedy show! I made him laugh with a joke about Australian summer being hell, and that’s probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me <3

honourable mention goes to his Keep On Movin’ video, bc that’s just damn impressive

Phil, meanwhile… I have so many videos to choose from, and while Coming Out To You carries the same importance as BIG, if not more since I watch it more (I love them equally, but COTY is only eight minutes long okay), I am actually struggling to choose a favourite outside of it!

mostly because all my favourite Phil videos… are joint content videos!

that being said, his fourth ACNH video is incredibly sweet, and I think I might go rewatch the series!

also his house review videos (the apartment one and the expensive house one) are pretty iconic

AND the sleepless night series— can you see why I’m struggling? :’D

Day 7 - What do Dan and Phil mean to you?

(oh god I am so sorry for this monster)

I don’t remember 2016 being a particularly rough year for me, despite the many star-studded losses (rip Anton Yelchin especially), and maybe it would’ve been that way even if I hadn’t found Dan and Phil, but finding them at what could be considered their initial peak of fame was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me, because I was just a year into my experiences with internet fandom, and what better way to do that than get yeeted into the chaotic world of two British dorks on the net that everyone and their cat shipped?

I may have missed out on the radio shows, sure, and I missed out on pretty much every YouNow and Rize show and whatnot because I’m a goose, but I came into the fandom just in time to see TATINOF live, even though I couldn’t get a meet and greet ;w; one day I’ll catch Phil

I distinctly remember being at the Gold Coast Eisteddfod, which was an hour south of Brisbane, on the same night as TATINOF, and absolutely booking it back with my mum to Brisbane, stressing the entire way even as we got McDonalds and I got changed out of what was either my school uniform or my performance uniform (I can’t remember) into something more normal for a night at QPAC

and yet, once I was there, I had probably one of the best nights of my life, because TATINOF, in my opinion, is the best thing the boys have ever done on stages (II and WAD! are very close tho don’t get me wrong)

someone helped me draw cat whiskers on my face, I remember chatting happily to other phannies around me (what about, I have long forgotten), and I remember how loud it was, and how much I didn’t mind that, for the first time in my life

I bought more merch at II and WAD!, because I was either given more money or I actually had money to spend since I got my job by WAD!, but, even when disappointed by the fact that I couldn’t afford much, I have cherished my TATINOF lanyard since that fateful night in August 2015, because it symbolises just how much I love the two gay dorks who are now two of my biggest queer role models

the fact that they chose us over fame and fortune in the entertainment industry? I’m so grateful for that, because it means, even though we gave them utter hell (I wasn’t quite one of them, but I probably did a few minor demon things as a teen LMAO), they cared, and still care, about us, the audience

this is getting SO long and waffly, oh my GOD, this is why my current fic is eleven k long already, uhhhh tl;dr they’re weird and queer (affectionate), I’m weird and queer, and I am so glad I found them, because having them in my life is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, down to graduating from high school and university and having their videos to watch <3

okay that’s enough sappiness this took me like three or four hours love y’all <3

thanks @dpgdaily for hosting!!!!

#the feral speaketh #dan and phil #phan #dnpaw #this took. an eternity of screenshotting and captioning XD #happy dnpaw!!!!

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my-castles-crumbling · 5 months

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Hey, so it seems that everyone is coming out to you so I though why not.

I’m not entirely sure if I’m Pansexual or Bi or something else entirely and honestly it’s kinda confusing (I’m female btw). I mean I don’t rly care abt gender but I find myself attracted to females ALOT more. So yeah idk. Maybe gender does make a difference. But then I don’t like the label Bisexual because it implies that you are attracted to males and females only and not people outside of that.

And also when it comes to coming out to people I kinda feel stuck. What do I say? All of my friends know (they’re also queer) but we never really came out to each other we all just kinda were like “hey! that girl looks good” and went along being gay af. But bc we all just knew abt each other we never really talked abt sexualities and stuff.

And on top of that I’m fairly sure my parents wouldn’t be supportive and no one I know irl can relate to that bc all of my friends parents are accepting.

I feel like I’m complaining over nothing. Im sorry 😫😫. But still love yah and hope you have a nice day 🫶

Hi! <3

I actually can relate to this first part SO much (as far as pan versus bi). When you say you don't care about gender, that sounds like pan to me. But then you say you have a preference, so is that still pan? I've wondered that for myself.

Here's what I have realized: Firstly, YOU are the person who decides who you are, so whatever label feels best (or none at all) is totally fine, even if it doesn't match someone else's definition. However, for me, I think it helped to think of sexual attraction as different than romantic attraction.

For example, perhaps you can find yourself sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender. BUT, romantically, you prefer girls? To me, that would still be pan, but perhaps you are homoromantic (meaning you only enjoy romantic relationships with the same gender).

Or it could be that you could possibly see yourself both sexually attracted to someone regardless of gender and having a romantic relationship with someone regardless of gender- you just are more likely to want those things with girls. That's okay, too, and could still be considered pan! It's okay to have preferences!

To make this more simplistic, if we stick to a gender binary (which we shouldn't, obviously, but let's do it for a second for simplicity's sake)- a traditionally bisexual person is rarely attracted to boys and girls at a 50/50 split. Maybe they like girls 70 percent of the time and boys 30 percent of the time. That doesn't make them any less bisexual. So, the same holds true with pan. Maybe you mostly see yourself with girls, but also think boys are pretty cool, and nonbinary people are sometimes attractive, and agender people can sometimes be cute, etc, etc.

All of this to say, pick whatever label feels good to you (or none at all! I also frequently just say to people that I'm queer.)

As far as coming out, I think some people are under the impression that it has to be a big thing. It only has to be a big thing if you want it to be. It seems like your friends already know that you're not straight. If that's all you want to say, you don't owe them any more of an explanation or a label.

BUT if you want to come out, go ahead! Sounds like they'll be supportive, so remind yourself that they are safe for you and bring it up in a more intentional way. "Hey, I have a crush on this girl, what do you think?" or "Hey, so you know I'm not straight, right? It's cool that we all are so accepting of that stuff." I think you'll find your friends will be receptive, since they're not straight, either.

As far as your parents, that's trickier. It sounds like you still live with them, so coming out to possibly unaccepting people who have control over you can be sticky. If it were me, I would first do a bit of testing. Mention queerness in a hypothetical way or in a "I know someone who..." way. See how they react. If they react positively, you could start dropping hints. If they react negatively, consider the pros and cons to telling them. Is it worth it to come out because you would be sharing your authentic self? If yes, have a plan if things go poorly. Have a support system to talk to and to go to. If you find that it's not worth it, there's no shame in that, either.

But it's important to know you are NOT complaining over nothing. This is tough stuff and it's hard to navigate.

I'm here to talk if you need me! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #lgbtq+#lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbtq #queer #queer community #coming out

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heroictoonz · 6 days

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logan! from Lego Dreamzzz :)

Sexuality Headcanon: gaaayyy man :) which is wild cause hes like prime 'disaster bisexuals' energies which if u know me u know is my favorite kinda guy but idk man i cant see him liking women like that i think he is however very easily throwin into comp het so i can see him being like ya im taking the hottest girl ever to prom and then prom comes and hes looking at his date like i do not want to dance with you why are you trying to hol d my hand EW DONT KISS ME???? hes dumbass gay

Gender Headcanon: TRANS KING OF ALL TIME HE IS SO TRANS KING OF ALL TIME and also the dumb trans king that falls into light toxic masculinity my brother in dumb does not realize he does not have to be a stereotypical "Man(TM)" to be a man its okay hell get better

A ship I have with said character: mateo 🥺 i watched the show and IMMEDIATLY was like oh yeah they should kiss and i still believe this with my whole heart and soul. i can also see him having a crush on cooper but im not sure i see it reciprocated tho i do sometimes think about a poly between the three

A BROTP I have with said character: IZZIE AND LOGAN ARE FRIENDDDDSSSSS theyre kpop buddies man!!!! they buy albums together every friday and trade pcs before they put them on insta!!!!!!!! they absolutely save pcs for each others biases when they can this is their relationship i know this in my heart theyre doing kpop dance tiktoks trust meee

A NOTP I have with said character: uhhh not really ig? like i said i see him as a gay man so ig any ships w girls i probably aint super into but also i dont care all that much lol

A random headcanon: i think this isnt even much a headcanon i think its p hinted at in canon that his big tough guy persona is in some ways a shield for his insecurities he really does just wanna prove himself to literally anyone who will give him two seconds of attention

General Opinion over said character: he makes me INSANE like i think lego personally makes guys for me to be fucking crazy about

#IM STILL OPEN FOR THESE BTW ANY FANDOM !!#dreamzzz #lego dreamzzz #logan chan #anonymous #toonz asks #toonz talks

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lastoneout · 6 months

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Talking about identity stuff below

So like the more I hear about butch as an identity the more I feel like...idk called to it? Or something? Deeply interested to say the least, bcs a lot of it seems to line up with the really complicated gender feelings I'm having and I want to explore that...

But I'm 100% certain that I am not a lesbian. And while I have been involved in bisexual and queer spaces long enough to understand that bisexual women being excluded from lesbian spaces and terms is something recent and born out of the ideals that eventually became radical feminism and terf ideology and that butch is a word and identity I am "allowed" to use, or at least explore, but when I look into butch stuff it's all from a lesbian perspective and that def makes me feel like I'm likem..trespassing? I guess?

Idk like I don't even look or dress butch bcs I kinda can't atm and for the most part I've settled on "bisexual" as the best descriptor for my gender because again I am absolutely 100% bisexual and I love being bi and the comfort and joy it brings me, but the more I talk to and listen to butch voices the more I feel like I've finally found people who understand me, like I finally have a word for what I've experienced and felt my entire life...and yet I just can't get over the worry that I'm stealing or something bcs I'm not sure I've ever actually talked to a bisexual butch before.

Anyway idk this is just me venting and I can still relate to lesbains just fine since we're both wlw and this isn't going to stop me or anything, and hell I'm still not even entirely sure that I am entirely a woman, but yeah it's def been a stumbling block for sure.

(Also if anyone brings up comphet on this post I'm blocking you. Cool if that word helps you out but it has also been weaponized against bisexual women and I am not okay with anyone attempting to apply it to me. Nothing about me is heterosexual, not even my attraction to men.)

#vent #personal #queer stuff

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sam-speakerman · 1 month

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Okay i'm making a new damn pinned

Hi, my name is Sam Speakerman. I'm an autistic weirdo that probably has ADHD and maybe something else.

I'm a sideblog of @dexter-the-dog because dex is like my little sister so i use our phone. Because of that, too, i'm kinda inactive but i still use Tumblr.

I'm in multiple fandoms and communities (mostly because of my little sisters influence). I'm fictionkin, a pet regressor (sometimes), and like mostly cartoons like Leyend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Lego Ninjago (that's because of Dexter), Loki and other Marvel stuff.

I'm also part of a system

Forgot to say i'm also a selfshipper. -> ->

Userboxes by @/selfshipuserbox

My main identities are:

Agender, my gender is too divine and whimsical for you mortals

Autotheist + an actual irl god (and no, it's not a delusion, i don't have psychosis nor npd, it's also not a kintype, i'm simply a god)

Loki (from Loki, not Avengers) fictionkin

Korra (from TLOK) fictionkin

Peter Quill/Starlord (from GOTG) fictionkin

Kai (from Ninjago) fictionkin

Oh yeah i also think i'm bisexual but idk. Nevermind, i think i'm gay finally figured out my sexuality, ✨ aroallo gay man ✨

Alternative in the sense i aspire to make normies uncomfortable

My pronouns are also he/it

#fictionkin #fictionkin community #self shipping #self shipper #copinglink #pet regression #sfw petre #lego ninjago #mcu kin #marvel kin #loki kin #starlord kin #bisexual #agender #autotheist #alternative

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gerardpilled · 2 years

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how's it feel to a be a lesbian on mcr tumblr? I know a lot of trans ppl are fans and have those kinds of connections to their music. is it any different for you?

This is a real interesting question thank you for asking!!!

Hm. okay, so I'm not going to pretend being a white gay person in the mcr community is difficult, but i feel like the best way i could sum up any form of negative i might experience is "isolating"? It's been a journey, I guess. There's also positive.

Positive first: When it comes to their music, honestly i've never really had trouble relating to a perspective Gerard has taken in terms of identity. Gerard has mainly written about relationships with women, but also i never feel like i need to relate to a song 1 to 1 when it comes to singing about love and heartbreak if the song is good. plus i have always enjoyed using music as a means to empathize with different experiences rather than having it describe my own experience perfectly.

When it comes to being online -> as a teen i more or less identified as bisexual but even then i felt like i was missing something when i saw how people talked about the mcr members. I feel like i was just thinking "i'm not like other girls, I don't like mcr because i want to sleep with them". I would receive asks like "who would you rather fuck - gerard or frank" and i remember thinking "wait do people actually want to sleep with them..."

Nowadays it feels a little different. I don't know. It's complicated to explain my emotions towards this. Like, that confusion i feel when people seriously talk about wanting to fuck any of them is still there. But then there's Gerard. [full stop]. I am not saying I view Gerard as a woman or transfem (a label i feel like Gerard should give us before i feel comfortable seriously using it), but recently i've felt more of a connection to him and his identity. Personally, I have always kinda vibed with the idea that 'lesbian' is both a sexuality and a gender. I consider myself attracted to women and whatever fellow lesbians identify as, and have always kinda leaned towards more neutral-presenting people. Gerard is someone i have never met and probably never will meet in any meaningful capacity. To me, when looking at photos he is more or less an outer shell (which sounds insulting and dehumanizing but trust me it's not). I feel like any form of attraction i may feel towards him is with 25 different layers of mental filters and imaginary-versions-that-live-in-my-head. If I was in the room with him and was given the serious option to sleep with him, the answer would probably be no lol. BASICALLY I explained all that to say -> i feel almost like I have to watch what i say when making posts about how I think he looks hot or else i'm going to be accused of 'bad lesbian rep' or misgendering, and, idk. maybe it is breaking some kind of lesbian code. it's such an imaginary scenario that i don't really care.

But yeah, idk if any of that made sense. to be honest i don't really read a whole lot of theory or whatever surrounding the nuances of sexuality. I should also say all of this has been very theoretical LMFAO. I only really started going on dates last year and had my first kiss at 22. Was never really interested in hookups or anything like that. I am in a relationship now, but in general I have just not lived what people might consider the typical lesbian experience.

#long post #lesbianology

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pacifymebby · 8 months

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Do you have any fave LGBTQ+ literature, tv, movies, content creators?

Okay so I'm still trying really hard to find queer books that I like because beyond Allen Ginsburg in college we weren't taught any LGBTQ+ authors/poets (except Carol Ann Duffy but the only thing I'd recommend about her work is to stay away because I hate it haha)(I probably hate it because of school tbh, sorry Carol) so anyway yeah, when it comes to this I've had to do all the searching myself and I don't really know how well I've done.

But for books:

🍂 Orlando / Virginia Woolf

I kind of can't believe Virginia Woolf wasn't on my other recommendations because The Waves is one of my favourite books (again I think you have to have a lot of patience but it is beautiful) and this one is brilliant too. A man wakes up in a woman's body and gender roles are revealed to be a little bit silly.

🍂 Thérèse and Isabelle / Violet Leduc

Erotic novella about two girls at boarding school, low-key spoke to me as a bi girl who kind of started realising her bisexuality when exploring sexuality was sort of thrust upon me by female friends at school I guess. It's just a good example of feminine sexuality and desire written by someone who knows.

🍂 Chelsea Girls / Eileen Myles

I'm very into Eileen Myles as a poet and these stories are so so so so so fucking good too!!!!

🍂 In The Dream House / Carmen María Machado

I got into this because it's what Google recs when you finish The Dangers of Smoking in Bed / Mariana Enriquez and honestly, I didn't enjoy it as much but it was still amazing. It's gothic horror af but also a really important work on abusive relationships within the queer community which the author has personal experience of and thinks isn't spoken about enough. Its really haunting, did fuck me up a bit but ultimately in a good way. But be careful because it does chronical abuse and that can be upsetting.

🍂 On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous/ Ocean Vuong

Another one where I love their poetry and think they can do no wrong tbh, I haven't finished this yet (I keep getting distracted but don't be put off by that I'm just really easily distracted!!) And I think it's wonderful idk. It's also written in quite a cool style which is always a bonus I find.

🍂 Our Wives Under the Sea / Julia Armfield

I actually only read this because I read an essay on the Exorcist and body horror by the author where she talks about her experience with having a cyst that had to be operated on twice. The essay was so stunning that I was like damn, gonna have to read that book everyone's talking about now and bestie, was worth it. The books class also.

🍂 Sister Outsider / Audre Lorde

I just think everyone should read Audre Lorde, Audre Lorde should have been on the curriculum instead of endless Simon Armitage idk. I read this and Your Silence Will Not Protect You as a 19 year old and they changed the course of my life idk.

🍂 Communion / bell hookes

Read this and broke up with my shitty ex boyfriend. It's not entirely about lesbianism but more kind of, love in general, platonic, romantic, what it really means to love. She talks about the feminist choice to choose lesbianism which was a phenomenon in the 70s and also discusses a lot to do with how misogyny impacts womens ability to love and be loved. It was a really important read for me, made all the more important because when I picked up the book my boyfriend ripped into her name and tried to be like lol what would you read her for...and then I read it and was like oh HE'S the problem.

Poetry:

🐇Howl / Allen Ginsburg

I know he's problematic but for me Howl was the prototype, the first massive poem I read and loved as an adult, the first one where language really sounded musical to me, the first poem I heard that Hurt. If you can you should listen to the YouTube of him reading it in San Francisco,that's amazing.

I also really like A Supermarket in California.

🐇 Sappho

Just all of it I guess, I think we're all eventually pushed towards Sappho and for good reason.

🐇Emily Dickinson

Read her letters to Sue, Open Me Carefully. I read these one summer between school years and I think they changed me. Her poetry in general is wonderful, some of it occasionally comes off as very old fashioned (shock horror our girl was born in the 1800s) but there's much to savour there. Also apparently there's a TV series about her life on Apple TV, I don't have Apple TV though so I haven't seen it.

As for TV and movies I don't think I have anything at all. I don't watch a lot of TV and I mostly only watch the same 5 old man movies on repeat. I think books have always been my thing, I can concentrate on reading in a way I can't concentrate on TV and also just the fact you can put your book in your pocket and get it out on the bus, in the staff room, at school, at the pub when you're waiting for your pals etc... I was always a headphones and books gal so I don't really have any recs for TV. Sorry :/

EDIT: Kill Your Darlings!!!! As in the movie, if you're into the beats you should watch it, it's very good and a real insight into what was in reality a pretty nasty little scene.

#pacifymebby recs #pacifymebby books

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happysadyoyo · 1 year

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Hey I think you were a person I've seen dissect Serano's work pointing out the negative things said about trans mascs. I came across this post and while this quote seems positive toward trans mascs, stuff earlier in the article don't seem great but I'm worried I'm just hanging onto biases from her earlier work. Do you have thoughts?

https://at.tumblr.com/asterosian/704465315608870913/k1dj12qys9u7

Oof okay I have to admit I'm very biased against her, so reading this will be a challenge (also thanks, I think this is the kick I need to get back to reading Whipping Girl, knowing she's got another book out that may pertain to trans masculinity).

I'm gonna pull out some quotes from her article I feel pertinent to touch on, whether in agreement or not. This is gonna be long.

tl;dr She's still minimizing trans masculine issues, throwing AFAB folks under the bus, utilizing POC for her own end when she can, and is a hypocrite within the same page. And nonbinary folk don't exist.

So yeah, the coat of paint is new, but it doesn't really feel like her attitude towards nonbinary and masculine people have changed. And she tries to relabel rad fems as cultural fems. Which... no. Cultural feminism afaik has a totally different connotation now with lib fem than whatever it was in the 80's.

Some of the insights that I uncover in Sexed Up are pertinent to the aforementioned “perpetually male privileged” claims levied against trans women. In addition, they also shed light onto why bisexual women are analogously dismissed as “perpetually heterosexual privileged” in some of these same settings.

But men aren't also dismissed as heterosexually privileged if they're bi/pan/aro/ace? This is speculative, but I do thing that there are probably a lot more bisexual men out there who don't know because they've been taught to reject their attraction towards men their entire lives... not unlike how women are taught the same but women are also more encouraged to be in touch with their emotions. Men aren't.

This is a nitpick admittedly. Of course she's gonna focus on women, like how I focus on men. But idk, if I was actually writing for a general audience, I'd want to be as even-handed as possible.

I will also consider how said purity politics underlie recent debates between trans female/feminine and trans male/masculine communities.

Color me unexcited.

In Sexed Up, I discuss all these various forms of sexualization in depth and detail how they play out with regards to specific marginalized groups (e.g., people of color, people with disabilities, and LGBTQIA+ people, amongst others).

I'm highlighting this mostly because of my experience with Whipping Girl is ringing eerily similar to this article. Mainly in that Serano likes to reference work I don't have access to and just assumes she is right.

I'm thinking specifically on her assertations on Navajo gender identities and saying they are trans feminine actually (or something similar) and her source was like... another college educated white person who just so happened to be a dude. It's why I want to eventually go through my notes and read all her sources and do an annotated version of her book.

I just really don't trust her with identities outside of her own is what I'm saying. Maybe she's changed, but I don't have access to her new book atm, just this article (sorry I might read her other article she linked at the top later but not right now).

As an example, falsely smearing a marginalized individual as a “slut,” or “pervert,” or “faggot,” or “predator,” or “groomer” typically has little to do with finding them attractive and/or wanting to use them sexually, but has everything to do with invoking sexual stigma in order to defame, humiliate, or ostracize them.

I don't disagree with this bit. Though I'd throw off the word little because we can't know what's going on in someone's mind. It can be a complex mixture of it all in a gross, confusing slurry of unexpressed emotion.

This imagined “sexual corruption” is especially acute for minority women: If a billboard ad featured a white, cisgender, thin, able-bodied woman wearing a sexy outfit, many passersby wouldn’t even notice it, but if the model were Black, or transgender, or fat, or disabled, or some combination thereof, it might strike them as “sexually inappropriate.”

A really more straightforward example would've been porn stars. Actresses (esp white actresses) who have fucked black men tend to have lower prices attached to their work afterwards. I wish I remembered where I read that so I could link to it, but it's been awhile. And for me I think it makes sense logically. She's "corrupted" herself with another race or w/e. Stupid blatant racism but a very obvious example.

Even more obvious: the amount of women who get devalued for having an only fans and how their SO's are treated.

And if a person intentionally hurts or humiliates another person, we often call them a “dick.”

What does this have to do with penises being imbued with metaphysical powers in society?

While penises, and those who are attached to them, are not stigmatized themselves, they do seem to possess the ability to impart sexual stigma upon others. [Sexed Up, p. 164]

Once again, Serano cuts her own nose to spite her face. She tries to be even-handed while focusing on women, but as soon as she quotes her own work (hence the italics) we can see her laying down the blanket statement again.

Men are stigmatized for having sex. It's just not in the same way women are. And it's different depending on the specific sub-culture you're in. Sub-culture specifically because Serano, despite her claims otherwise, I will not believe is capable of looking past the US. That's my bias.

While a significant number of women commit acts of sexual violence, people tend to view these incidents as less serious and less harmful than similar acts committed by men — this is likely due to the imagined “lack of penis” required to initiate sex and to bestow sexual stigma upon the victim.

Oh good, I was worried she wouldn't talk about women committing acts of sexual violence.

For starters, gender and sexual minorities are often viewed as “sexually deviant” or “sexually deceptive” for our failure to comply with Predator/Prey’s roles and rules. As a result, people may view us as “marked by sex” — imbued with sexual stigma that others may fear they might “catch” from us, potentially being “turned queer” themselves in the process.

I don't disagree again. It's a bit thing, and I think part of that fear in some people is actually repressed sexual or romantic or gender specific identities. It's scary to be confronted with something you thought was a fact but might not be... and for a lot of those people, if they soul searched they'd find themselves happy with their identity as it is.

Anyway a good recent example of what Serano is talking about here is ROGD --- rapid onset gender dysphoria. The thing that people claim is turning all the girls trans.

It also explains why so-called “lesbian porn” made by and for straight men is not considered threatening. This genre typically portrays two women kissing and fondling one another, but the “real sex” doesn’t start until the male protagonist shows up (with his penis) to pronounce “can I join you ladies?”

What the fuck porn are you watching Serano? When I look up lesbian porn, the only dicks involved are strap ons. And this isn't like. Specialty stuff. It's fucking free on pornhub and xnxx.

I realize I'm outing where I watch porn here but whatever. One day I can afford to pay decently.

Okay then there's some talk about how for bi men they're seen as gay and bi women as straight (nb/agender people not invited), some gold star lesbianism and how penises are seen as corrupting. Glad she's pointing out the penis hatred in lesbian circles (rad fems called out? nice).

Hm then something about how bi women in relationships with other women are uniquely targeted with heterosexual privilege which just doesn't smell right to me but I can't put my finger on why.

when people start wielding terms like “privilege” (or “socialization”) in non-nuanced ways — and especially when they frame these as perpetual statuses that are impervious to change — the concern they are raising has little (if anything) to do with actual oppression or marginalization.

Really Serano? Where's the "doubt" meme because

Go read the full thing here; it's infuriating. Basically, she's saying the rise in the use of TME/TMA as rigid labels is because trans male and masculine folks are upset that they're so overlooked and are pushing back on the fact trans women actually get highlight even in issues that uniquely affect us (the amount of times I heard people complaining trans women don't need ObGyn visits so why are we trying to bring up trans people...)

Also the bs that AFAB trans people highlighting the F in their AGAB means that trans women must also highlight the M in their AGAB... like Serano if that was true and we need to coin flip this bitch all the time, well, why do your adherents hate the term transandrophobia so much?*

*this is actually a lot more nuanced and if prompted, I'll go into a deeper dive on why one group trying to emphasize their marginalized status a certain way doesn't mean the coin flip group has to mimic their behavior in any way but not right now. But if you want to hear my thoughts, I beg you, send me an ask. I'll Go Off.

And in my experience, lesbians who are suspicious of trans women are usually suspicious of bi+ women as well, and vice versa.

Name. Them. They're rad fems Serano. It won't hurt you to admit it.

Okay, she goes on a thing about cultural feminism. I'll bookmark that to read later I think. It's already 1:30. I've spent 30 minutes reading and responding after spending an hour trying to dethaw my lock to get inside after work.

Most radical feminists were careful to identify the male role rather than maleness as the problem.

This is a quote pulled from the article Serano links about cultural feminism. I hate to tell Serano this (I don't) but this... things have fucking changed since the 1980's. Radical feminists now very much blame men for the problem, not just their maleness. That's why there's so much overlap with TERFS! They're literally rad ems!!!

Serano then goes on to talk about how they call themselves radical feminists and thus TERFs and it's like... what distinction are you trying to make here? This is worthless except to make me angry!

Cultural feminists sometimes collaborate with social conservatives and the far-right on certain issues — most notably, their anti-trans, anti-pornography, and anti-sex-work positions.

I don't understand her resistance to calling them radfems. They are radical feminists. Even if in the 1980's it was something different, it's been 40 fucking years. We didn't have smartphones or accessible cellphones back in the 80's. Get with the fucking program.

Blah blah stuff we already recognize about how radfems see trans women as inherently predatory and dangerous because they got penises. Nobody I know argues against that.

Okay yes, here we are talking about trans men.

Cultural feminist views of trans male/masculine people are more complex and varied.

Yep, this is why we should have our own word, to better discuss these complexities separate from mere misogyny or transmisogyny. There's an inherent overlap with being once seen as a woman/girl and "choosing" to become more masculine, whether you're actually nonbinary or fully male.

Gender traitors, lesbians escaping the patriarchy, groomed by TRAs. Check, check, check. Irreversible Damage, oh that's an easy ---

And who is supposedly doing this “seducing”? Trans female/feminine people, of course.

Do you here the tires of my brain screeching? I'm shocked my ears aren't bleeding. They actually popped. Just. Holy shit, the presumption.

What about ROGD Serano? The thing Irreversible Damage is about? The thing that "spreads" across "girl" groups? "AFAB" groups? Where are the trans women in this Serano? Do you want my ears to pop?

Okay, okay, five minutes and I've calmed down. I'll let Serano finish.

Another “gender critical” author, Kathleen Stock, has remarked that, “The autogynephilia tail is wagging the puberty-blocking dog,” adding that, “many of the loudest (partly because male) voices policing critical discussion of the treatment of ‘trans’ kids barely disguise their autogynephilia.”

Oh, so one other TERF author blamed it on the trans women. So because of that, you ignored other sources talking about it spreading across "girl" groups. As in AFAB. As in not trans women. Okay. My jaw does not hurt from clenching right now.

In their imaginations, “transgender” is a “sexually deviant and predatory man,” and “children” are conceptualized as safe, pure, and vulnerable “girls” who are in danger of being “corrupted” by a “male-borne” sexual “contagion.” It’s Predator/Prey thinking writ large.

Yeah, I wonder why the general public only think trans women exist (general public, not the public with young trans people coming out as their sons or daughters). It doesn't have anything to do with your hyper-visibility that trans men were complaining about and you defended those trying to shut them up with TME labels despite it going against what you wrote in this very article???

Here’s another way of framing this “gender critical”/cultural feminist perspective: Trans female/feminine people are viewed as inherently “contaminating” (we “corrupt” those we come into contact with), whereas trans male/masculine people are viewed as merely “contaminated” (i.e., they’ve been “corrupted” by someone else). As a result, the latter may be “redeemable,” at least to some extent or in certain cases.

The emphasis (bold) is mine.

And here's the crux of my issue with Serano. She absolutely refuses to let go of the idea that trans women are not the most oppressed actually and there's a lot of give and take where sometimes trans women as a group might come out on top. Not that it matters in the long run because it all washes out compared to the cis world around us but she won't even entertain the idea. She has to make sure that we know that trans men and masculine people (in her view, AFAB people) aren't as oppressed as trans women/feminine people (in her view, AMAB people). And her putting masculine/male doesn't erase her total lack of a nonbinary perspective.

Cultural feminists also tend to view trans male/masculine people as relatively “safe” given that they are supposedly “innately female” and “lacking” the organ that imparts sexual stigma (and perpetrates sexual violence) upon other people.

This went with the above quote. I'm just pulling it out to show how she treats transandrophobia like its a good thing/privilege (but god forbid trans men act like trans women's visibility is a privilege because there's so many drawbacks---yeah like there is for being seen as "safe").

On the trans male/masculine spectrum, there can be a similar temptation to appease cultural feminists’ notions of “purity” and “safeness.”

She also looks down on trans women who emphasize their post op status btw. She just really does not like hyper feminine trans women (see my videos where she complains about movies with hyper femme trans women), and she does not like trans men not entirely divorcing themselves from their AGAB. How dare we I guess?

Sorry that I was born and raised a girl and I still see my younger self as a girl. I'm not you Serano. I'm not going to act like my growth as a trans person is a model for everyone else and thus invalidate all nonbinary identities.

Whether intentional or not, these sorts of appeals tend to reinforce the idea that AMAB people (such as trans women and trans femmes) are indeed “dangerous” and should be excluded.

Talking about trans men "playing up the F in AFAB" to access women spaces. Please someone send me an ask about this specifically so I have an excuse to go off tomorrow after work.

At the start of this essay, I brought up “recent debates between trans female/feminine and trans male/masculine communities.”

Okay awesome I'm ready. I'm not reading the linked article tonight, maybe I will if asked, but for now it's 2 AM.

So suffice it to say that some of the disagreements I’ve seen seem to stem from this imagined AFAB “vulnerability” and “safeness,” and imagined AMAB “contamination” and “dangerousness.”

Emphasis (bold) mine.

Imagined vulnerability.

Serano making me throw up in my mouth at 2 AM.

And as usual, it’s the supposedly “contaminated” group (in this case, trans female/feminine people) who gets accused of being “oppressive” in some way or other.

Sure am glad that she chose not to go into specifics! Give us concrete examples please!

On more than one occasion, I have seen trans male/masculine people of color point out that this notion of “inherent AFAB safeness” is not generally extended to them.

But, notably, not the vulnerability. Just want to point that out. Trans MOC are just as vulnerable if not more so by fact of being men of color. White women hold so much power over them in public spaces.

It should be clear by this point that we must purge these cultural radical feminist frameworks from our minds.

Fixed that for you. Stop trying to label them something new.

When you embrace the fact that the world sees you as “dirty” and “contaminated,” you make different art, and you gravitate toward different forms of activism.

I'm still not following links outside the article, but I don't disagree with this statement. You'll be seeing some of my own work related to this later next year.

'Being a freak] made me suspicious of appeals to “purity” and “safety” (after all, what feels “safe” to some people may in fact be “dangerous” to others).

Would it surprise you Serano I have trouble feeling safe around women?

She also stops on the different art after talking about how in your face her poetry used to be. This is something else I really want someone to send me an ask about. I'm begging you.

#julia serano

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cassyapper · 1 year

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are you okay? <3 free space to infodump abt noritaro. i think uve said before that u think kakyoin isnt cis, and obviously not straight, what is his attitude abt his identity? does he influence jotaro at all in being more self-accepting/open?

hi my dear friend yes i'm okay im already feeling better after talking about it (bottling things up is not good kids a good bitch can do you much good) but im still a little miffed. it will fade tho this isn't my first rodeo

also yes kakyoin. i think he is bisexual yes and as for his gender erm. so i see him as like. i dont think he'd have a term for it. it's Basically a type of bi-genderfluidity where he oscillates between agender and then bigender (both man and woman at the same time)

i think kakyoin realizes he's bi decently early for a kid who was born in the 70s and raised in the 80s. i dont think he was very shy about it or like. he's conscious he can't like be super open about it cause yknow we live in a society and he doesn't really wanna draw attention to himself over smth like that but he's not ashamed of it mostly. probably one of the only pros that the superiority complex he had as a kid gave him

i think it takes longer for him to realize his gender i dont think he actually like consciously realizes how he feels until he meets josuke and josuke brings it up once LOL. i think it really makes kakyoin realize "oh huh i have feelings about this." so he explores. like i said i dont think he'd ever find a proper term for it (he honestly honestly honestly might call himself bisexual (both his gender and the genders he's attracted to) in every way LMFAO). but yeah he's not shy about it either he's like yeah haha

AS for if this influences jotaro yeah definitely i think so. jotaro is very cagey as im sure we're all aware. his infamous insistence on being stealth and all that. i think kakyoin being so nonchalant about it all and countering jotaro's like "dont you feel shame" (he wouldn't say it in those words) with "uh no lmao? this is just how i feel" idk i think it'd be pretty novel for jotaro. also kakyoin doing all the research he does cause of course and his enthusiasm about it would pull jotaro in himself. and since kakyoin is an anthropologist and so he talks about how some identities span across cultures while some are culture-specific and all that and i think it would make jotaor feel more like, in place. like he belongs. knowing that queer experiences of all kinds have always existed and continue to exist and will always exist. anyway

this got wordy apologies i just have like a manifesto about kakyoin gender. nthank you and i love you so much yoss

#cass cries

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oogaboogaspookyman · 11 months

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For the pride game

2 and 15

2: how do i describe my gender identity?

i. don't know.

egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?egg?

im male. a guy. im supposed to be. if not.

what am i?

15: how did i first realize i was queer?

Sooo storytime! With the shitty fucking memory skills i have! It's gonna be very fun!

Okay so i'm at school, there's a recess going on i think?? And at one point i had to get out of the classroom for a bit and go to the room where the big people work y'know- those people that basically control the entire place? Yeah them.

At one point i had to get out and go there for some reason i don't remember, i think it was on a day where i was batshit mad at my mother so i'm guessing it's for help on calming down?? I guess?? Idk- that's not the point- moving on!

I went there and decided to see The Guy, the boss basically (he's a good dude btw, very friendly!), i go to see him and chat with the guy and suddenly, at some point, he brings up his son.

Here's where i learned i was truly bisexual...

He tells me somewhere along the lines of "hey wanna see pics of my son?" and i say "sure why not" and he brings out his phone and starts looking through the pics and he tells me "here's my son, look :D" and then, when i go to see... When i go to see the pics...

My mind was clouded in thoughts of how hot his son was. Deadass my mind was filled, from top to bottom, with "HOLY SHIT HE'S HOT", and "GOD I WANT HIM", and "I BET THE DICK IS INSANE", i felt my heart BEATING SO FUCKING MUCH it was like the liberation of FRANCE, to describe the rush i felt- i was gonna DIE but my soul kept my body up with ropes and chains and everything else that could hold me up and standing.

I don't remember what he looked like, hell i remember fuckle, but i do remember that HE'S FUCKING HOT AND I WANT HIM.

I went back to the classroom after all that jazz and i literally felt like a ventilation shaft spewing out steam and shit- i felt my body fuckin' SMOKING HOT I NEEDED TO PULL ON MY SHIRT (the neck hole y'know what i'm talking about you're smart-) TO LET THAT STEAM OUT AND COOL MY BODY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT GUY DID TO ME, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAGIC HE CAST ON ME, BUT I DO KNOW THAT I REALLY WANNA SLEEP WITH THE DUDE HOT DAMN...

Oh yeah- i also took into account a past crush i had with a girl and then thought "well fuck i guess i'm bisexual... Neat!" and then that's that on that.

And that is how i found out i am a fan of both girls and guys! Hurray for me i guess!

And my last note? Nothin' fuckin' changed after i learned that like- yeah i'm bi but i'm still gonna try to find myself a chick (or a guy idk whichever comes first) and start something up, and later down the line have kids (it doesn't matter how).

Soooo that's it! You reached the end of the post! Bye bye now! See ya later! Have a good one man- how do i fucking end this shi

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trashcanonfire · 1 year

Text

OKAY i'm kkinda drunk and watching naruto SO i'm gonna make a list of headcannons of some characters gender/sexualities, keep in mind that i've only watched classic naruto and will not be taking criticism thank you very much

Naruto: gay. in love with sasuke. do i need to elaborate? no i don't

Sasuke: also gay. in love with naruto. i also don't need to elaborate

Sakura: bisexual. she should date either ino or rock lee

Rock lee: demisexual. and maybe a trans man. still deciding. he does copy his male role model so there's that. the most precious boy.

Ino: lesbian. relies on pretending to like sasuke so she can doesn't have to deal with her feelings for sakura.

Shikamaru: gay and trans. cis people are not that tired. also one of my best boys.

Hinata: she's straight but that's cool because she's trans. will not elaborate.

Gara: gay, but he has to deal with some bullshit before coming to terms with that

Baki: non binary. the clothes and the make up? yeah

Temari: lesbian transfem. idk she just has a vibe.

Tenten: bi. she has too many weapons to not be a bi girl

Kiba: pansexual and transmasc. and a fury.

Kakashi: disaster bi with a terrible taste in literature

Iruka: gay. single father of naruto.

thank you for your time i will not be taking criticism or elaboration any further. sorry if i forgot someone. anyway. watch naruto, i guess

#naruto #i don't want discourse please don't argue with me i know i'm right

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dreamhot · 2 years

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gfdhjs i'm so glad to know i'm not the only one who came out the other side of all this discourse going "wait... have i been unlabelled this whole damn time?" (i've had full blown discussions with friends about how anything more specific than queer for the non-aro bit of my sexuality doesn't work for me, and yet somehow it took weeks of this discourse for me to make the connection. booboo the fool hours for real)

IT'S ALL CLOWNERY like if i had to try to summarise it, it'd be like. well okay when i was 13 i identified as bi cos i had my first non-het relationship but then i repressed it and called myself straight throughout high school but then i stuck with bi again in university, and also thought i was cis until my early 20s when i suddenly realised that nonbinary felt far more at home, and for a long time i considered myself agender so when it came to describing my sexuality i had a hard time bc that was the peak of bi vs pan discourse and there seemed to be no clear cut answer about whether or not i could even CALL myself bi if i was agender, and then more time passed and it was like okay people are back to treating bisexuality as being nby/trans inclusive but also am i trans? or 'just' nonbinary (again the result of stupid discourse online) but uh oh i'm feeling a bit more Gender these days so agender isn't quite right, it's more like i'm leaning toward the masc end of things, and maybe i DO consider myself trans after all, also maybe i'll just call my sexuality 'queer' bc i'm tired of trying to finagle a proper label here and i think i still vibe with nonbinary but in a transmasc kinda way, and idk if i have PREFERENCES with regard to what genders i date apart from having more experience with one group but functionally that doesn't really determine how i feel overall, so like,

yeah . IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT ... i feel like i'm perpetually learning things about myself

^ sorry for the wall of text i was allowing the stream of consciousness to flow

#smile.ask #anon #god that feels insane to write out #THIS IS ALSO LEAVING OUT MY ASPEC LEANINGS dear god there is so much to consider

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polyamorouspunk · 2 years

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crush stuff !! very slight rant and then me gushing

we havent talked im a week and im going rabid and i dont want to text him Again for a reply but :((( AND and i dont even know if he likes women, or whatever gender i am (transmasc bigender ?) but lets be real everyone percieves me as a woman so . i know he likes men but otherwise idk and how do i Tell without just straight up asking ??

but anyways onto the sap shit :

my crush (he/they) made me come to the embarassing realization that my type is Nice People. like just give me someone warm and sunshiney with a sweet smile and i will be done for, doesnt matter if its more exciteable golden retriever energy or more soft and quiet, if they are extra nice then im down horrendous

with Them i was done for the moment they spoke bc holy shit that Voice it was the softest kindest fucking voice i have ever god damn heard and in our first 2 min convo they somehow managed to be The most considerate person ive ever spoken to and . ugh

also he offered to shave my hair for me once and if that isnt any punks dream idk what is 😔😔😔

“My type is nice people” well damn there goes me /s

Man not hearing from someone for a week would drive me crazy if I had a crush on them in an FP way. I would have to send a meme or something.

I feel that with the “everyone perceives me as Woman™️ anyway”. I mean I AM wearing a wlw shirt today so I can’t be like “why don’t people perceive me as a guy? I’m wearing a lesbian shirt :(” BUT yeah what is gender? What is plurality? What is singularity? Where do “I” end and “someone else” begins? I don’t know, so I just Don’t Talk About It With People Irl! If you like women cool we can date. You can perceive me as woman it’s fine. Because I would feel insincere being like “lol nooo gay guy I’m totally a guy like once in a while not really lol”. How do you ask without outright asking? Ask about a character or actress or something? Be like “omg isn’t uuuh Taylor Swift (?) sooo pretty man girls am I right haha-” ? Maybe ? I feel comfortable when guys I’m dating are at least a little bisexual so I can feel okay about being gender funky.

You should let him shave your hair for you, people doing your hair for you is so intimate. I mean like in a professional setting less so but I grew up with someone who was like my sister dying my hair for me and it was just two teenage girls (kinda) sitting in a bathroom listening to pop punk and talking about boys with piercings and life shit and like it was great. And then having anyone I love touch my hair makes me melt for real.

Don’t be embarrassed for having a “type”/it being “nice people”. I think that sounds really heal to y and good compared to me getting the bad boy of my dreams I always wanted as a kid and obviously carrying that drama that comes with having a “bad boy”. Good to try, get a little taste of, just not good to keep. Do it while your young and get it out of your system and all that in my opinion. Not saying I won’t go back to someone like that while I’m still young but when I’m older I hope I have people who are dependable.

Best of luck to you, it sounds amazing (minus not hearing from him/them).

#punk gets mail

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ragamuffin-ponies · 8 days

Text

I got these commissioned by DreamZ, one of my favorite artists. Please check out her art and engorge her to make more Rarijack content:

Hopefully that link works

This is about to get serious I think. At least as serious as I can get on my fucking Tumblr page called Ragamuffin Ponies 😭

A couple months ago I had an extremely intense anxiety attack because I couldn't find a good profile picture on my fucking discord. I wanted one that was Rainbow Dash but with short hair. I ended up using the following picture

This image was edited and uploaded anonymously to derpibooru. No artist is known. I used ai to upscale the image to HD, it was pretty low quality before.

Even looking at them not to check the sources I can feel my chest tighten. I'm still not sure why I got this way, but it was the catylist to find out why certain things like this have been meeting me feel so terrible for as long as I can remember.

I'm still figuring it out, but I think a lot of it can be chalked up to some sort of gender dysphoria. No I have not talked to my shrink about this yet. Shortly after graduating college I befriended a plethora of trans, nonbinary, or otherwise genderqueer/transexual individuals. It's crazy now quickly people you've never met in person can become such integral parts to your life. One of my favorite aspects of the human existence for sure. Anyway, hearing them talk about their trans experience, especially one of them in particular, I caught myself going "wow I was exactly the same way when I was a kid," or "I've thought the same thing all the time."

I used to be pretty transphobic, and although there is one specific person I've hurt dearly (who I have fully apologized and made up with all these years later) I never went out of my way to harass anyone because I wasn't evil like that, just wrong. I always told myself "yeah I'd rather be a girl but I can't do that because something something biology facts and logic". I have long hair and when I cut it I hated myself. It's not a suprise that when I shave my arms and legs I stop literally making myself sick and my sh desires go away by at least 60%. It's a lot of bullshit that I think most other people would have maybe all picked up on by now, but idk if anyone has.

Now, I'm not trans. There's definitely things I still like about being a guy I think. Genderfluid is a label that I think really fits me, but I'm NOT COMING OUT OKAY? For now I'm still cis. This is all very new we're talking a couple months. It's more like I'm questioning right now.

I really want to reach out to one or more of my trans friends for help, but I'm afraid where to start. Number one I don't want to just vent to them. I definitely don't want to say the wrong thing and trigger or insult them. But most of all I don't want to be a burden.

Also right now my brain wants to just stay in the closet forever. But that's worse than bisexuality, which I only need to hide from my parents and grandparents. With it being my actual gender idk how long I can keep the jig up. Lol I say that like they don't already know I'm bi and it's not just some big dumbass game. Completely by happenstance, I managed to explain what genderfluid was and naturally they were like "wow what kind of world are we living in" and it definitely visibly upset me but I don't think anyone noticed. I just went into my room quickly. And that was months ago, before I was even confident in my self-diagnosis (which again, I'm still not sure about. I might still be cis or I might be something else. No clue bro). So I don't ever tell my parents, okay, then what? I tell my brother? My girlfriend? My irl friends? My internet friends? Random strangers on Tumblr?? I settled on the last one for now. I still need to figure out what the fuck is even happening to me.

I'm glad this is happening when I'm in the safest, just emotionally sound, financially / mentally stable point I've been in in my life though. The timing is great because I can take as long as I want to figure this all out.

PS. I only haven't mentioned it to my gf yet bc idk how the hell she'd react, plus it's all still so new, both my emotions and our relationship. She is VERY gender nonconforming, very butch. Except she is completely cis gendered and straight as an arrow. Plus her being a gender enigma aside (and I am being very presumptuous when I say this) a lot of her friends seem homophobic, although she isn't. Obviously. Don't want to get too far into it bc I don't want to seem judgemental of people I haven't met but I've seen enough to make me already hate two of them maybe three. And that's just through social media and like three conversations. I might try to drop a few hints here and there, because I think if anyone should know it should be her, right?

PPS. I hate the genderfluid pride flag it fucking sucks and genuinely that might be on the cons list. Same reason I'm bisexual instead of pansexual even though I'm actually pansexual, the pansexual flag sucks and the bi flag rocks don't @ me

Anyway DMs are open if you want to help me the fuck out

#transgender #gender ideology #genderfluid #sos #please help #egg #bisexual #genderqueer #queer community #queer #pony #///#helo #help

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