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canonically-a-genloser · 7 months

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RUSHED WRITING I AM SO SORRY (this includes Amrita and a description of a lab. neither are probably correct so if this is awful i am so so sorry) ALSO. PLS READ TAGS FOR TWS THIS THING IS AWFUL

Paislie glanced inside the lab. Amrita was there, along with several other people Paislie didn't know.

She hadn't come to the lab since she'd found out what was happening in there. So many kids, almost all infants, died multiple times a day.

And since she'd realized it, she couldn't keep herself from blaming herself for all the lives lost on her machines no matter how she tried to make them work.

She couldn't stop herself from wondering how much blood was, technically, on her hands.

Paislie had found that out when she tried to help once only a few days previous.

She'd been showing plans for a new machine to one of the older workers when one of the lab employees had come running, saying they needed more hands.

Despite not knowing what she was doing, Paislie had followed behind, throwing on a spare coat, face mask, and gloves as she entered.

The place was buzzing with activity in the worst way, employees rushing around and carrying babies just as small as the one in Paislie's own arms. She could've sworn one of them was still smaller.

And that's when she'd realized. The little structures Paislie had seen patterned through the room weren't some kind of sink like she'd thought up to now.

They were cribs.

She couldn't help but stare down the rows and rows of sleeping babies- what looked like newborns, she thought vaguely.

And the random spacing between them and the empty cribs- sure, it could've been an accident, but if it weren't, then where-

She was only jerked out of her thoughts by a touch on her shoulder.

"Hey," the lab worker had said. "Been in here before?"

Paislie only shook her head, not trusting her voice in the slightest.

"Can you take him?" they'd asked, glancing down at the crying baby Paislie had just realized was there. He was almost too small to be real, she thought with a pang of anxiety for the tiny boy. "There's nothing you can- You don't need to do anything else. Just hold him."

She swallowed- whether to keep herself from being sick or crying, she didn't know. "Yeah, I can- I can do that."

Paislie hadn't even finished her sentence before the tiny baby boy was carefully laid in her arms.

"Hey, buddy," she'd said quietly, stroking his cheek with her gloved hand. "It's okay."

Despite the setting, she could almost forget anything was wrong. She could pretend for a minute as the boy quieted. Blue eyes looked back up at her.

She smiled, trying to stop herself from breaking down right there and crying.. "There he is."

And he smiled back. It was only a quick one, the only way such a tiny baby could, but it was still enough to tell.

Something still felt off in the room. Not that it had ever left.

It felt like death.

She shivered at the thought.

Before Paislie could stop herself, she'd started humming a song to him. He didn't cry again, so she figured it couldn't have been that bad. She took to watching Amrita's movements, vaguely hoping it would help her calm down if she had something to focus on.

It wasn't hard to tell though, when she looked back down at him a few moments later, something wasn't right.

He wasn't breathing.

"What the f-"

'There's nothing you can- you don't need to do anything else.'

Was that what they'd meant? Had they known he would die in her arms when they'd handed him off?

"Amrita?" she called, looking up anxiously.

Anyone, get anyone, sure you know her, but anyone who could help him-

Before she could force herself back into reality, gloved hands took the still baby out of her arms. It was too calm, why weren't they trying to do anything?-

"What's going on," she said in a low voice, staring at the floor in a daze.

Another employee shushed her, not unkindly, but it still made her nervous as she looked back up.

"Is he okay- what happened, what- I didn't even-"

"It's okay now, we're under control here," a foreign voice said. "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, hun."

Paislie looked back just in time to see a blanket thrown over the boy who they'd just taken from her.

"Stop it! What are they doing, they didn't even try, go back," she protested, pushing against all the hands reaching for her.

Paislie saw Amrita shake her head in her peripherals, but she didn't care, didn't react when the other called her name.

"It's not too late!" she finally screamed, nearly throwing off the lab coat in her panic. "Help him!"

A mask was shoved at her face, and she ducked away.

Before she was aware that she'd run, she was on the floor of the bathrooms, throwing up the undigested remnants of her lunch.

Hands pressed a gentle weight against her shoulders, and she nearly decked their owner before she realized it was Amrita.

Paislie just broke down, not entirely letting Amrita comfort her but not pulling away either.

"I should've told you not to go in there, I'm sorry," the older said. "You shouldn't have-"

The doors opened. Masked drones stalked mechanically towards the two.

"Don't mask Paislie, I can talk to her, she's just confused," Amrita said, standing up beside Paislie's hunched form.

The drones didn't listen.

They easily shoved past Amrita, not that the other made an attempt to stop them. It wouldn't have been any use. They all knew that.

Before Paislie even had a chance to fight back, several hands grabbed her arms and restrained her.

Blank whiteness blotted out her vision as she felt her mind lose control of itself.

Paislie should've learned to welcome the oblivion by now.

And maybe she should've given up on saving anyone a long time ago, she couldn't help but think a few weeks later when Amrita had explained what had happened to that little nameless boy.

Paislie had failed to save one more person. And just like before Showfall, it would stick with her no matter how much her mind got wiped.

#i don't know how well i wrote amrita. my bad #also this is rushed but i wanted to finish this and post it before camp #tw unethical medicine #tw throwing up #tw slight violence #tw child death #i used she/her for paislie because showfall homophobia but also so it wouldn't be hard to read with changing pronouns #cause sometimes i have difficulty editing when i write like that #YUH #i am so sorry about the divider #someday i'll get good ones #my baddd

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dadyscumslutprincess20 · 5 months

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hi! was looking for park chan yeong, and saw your post 🤩 are your requests still open? Could you write something about chan yeong getting really hurt 😭 and then fem!reader taking care of him 🥺? Please 🙏 (english is not my first language, sorry for any mistake and if my ask is not very much to understand)

Chan Yeong X fem reader

Genre: idk honestly 😭

Small summary : After cleaning your small room/living space that you had in the survivors shelter/camp as you decided to read a book as you waited for your boyfriend Park Chan Yeong to arrive

(This one might be short I want to try to get 2 done before taking a nap since I’m not feeling well☹️)

It was some time after noon as you finished rearranging your book shelf, as it was filled with all kinds of books since Park Chan Yeong always make it his priority to bring back at least two books for me to try out

Letting out a soft sigh as you stood to your feet , stretching you arms as you felt your muscles become relaxed , once you got a good stretch

Your eyes quickly scan the small room , there wasn’t much , on the right side of the room , you had a bookshelf that have three shelves full of books , a old broken down dresser that was still useful for your clothes

Looking to the left side of the room , which contained your full sized bed , a small nightstand that had a small lap that lift up the left side of the room

Min the middle there was a small table , which you had your remaining makeup , bottles of water , sketches that you drew out of boredom , pencils that were scattered over the table and a framed photo of you and Chan Yeong

Walking towards the small table that sat in the middle of the room as you pick up the small framed photo , as the corner of your lips start to form in to a small smile

The picture was taken a month before the apocalypse started , you were facing the camera , with a huge smile while you eyes looked as if they sparked through the photo

As Cha Yeong had his arms wrapped around your waist , head hiding in your neck.. you couldn’t tell in the picture but he was also holding a huge smile almost as big as yours , while you held your small poodle in your arms

It was a happy family photo is what you always thought to yourself , slightly smiling as you sit the picture frame back on in its place on the small table

Letting out a small yawn as you head for your bed , heading back for your book shelve , quickly choosing a book as you head for your full sized bed

Climbing in bed as you wrap the warm comforter around your body , quickly opening your book where you last left off as you start to read in silence , ignoring out any noises that came from the hallways

As you were so invested in your book that you didn’t notice the bed room door slowly creek open , as the unknown figure slowly walks into the room , not looking up until you heard some one let out groan a of pain

Quickly sitting your book next to you on the bed as you turn to see a cut and bruised Park Chan Yeong , standing to your feet as you rush to Yeong in a hurry , carefully grabbing both sides of his cheeks in your hands as you turn his head left and right quietly examining Chan Yeong’s face not noticing as he loves at you with love

Grabbing a hold of his arm as you quickly pull him towards the bed giving him a slight push as he falls to a seating position, eyes watching as you head for the dresser , taking out a first ad kit from the very top drawer , quickly heading for Chan Yeong as you sit on his lap carefully as you place each leg at his side coming face to face with Chan Yeong

Silently looking down as you open the first ad kit , grabbing a cotton ball as you pour a good amount of disinfectant, carefully taking the cotton ball as you softly dab the cut that was at the right corner o his lip

Taking a new cotton ball as you do the same with the disinfectant now cleaning the cut above his eyes which seemed to lose lots of blood

Once you were finished you take a bit of ointment to put over the now clean cuts , as tears starts to build in your eyes , also why falling down your checks as you think of something bad happening to Cha Yeong that would leave you all alone

As if sensing your thoughts Chan Yeong slowly raise his right hand as he softly wipes away your tears

“I’m okay..don’t cry” Chan Yeong says as he gives your check as soft kiss , softly pulling you into his in-brace as he lays back on the bed not letting you go once as your softly cry yourself to sleep knowing that he was now safe with you

#black reader #fem reader #female reader #smut #sweet home #sweet home 2 #sweet home imagines #x reader #Chanyeong #sweethomefanfic #sweet home fanfic #sweet home x reader

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circyexistforcontent · 1 year

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Sagau with a mitsuri like god?

SAGAU: WITH A LOVING GOD READER

❀ synopsis: the god of teyvat is finally looking for a consort, and Zhongli just so happens to be the chosen candidate. What will be Xiao's response to this epiphany?

❀ notes: I wanna make headcanons about demon slayer soon, probably once I am done watching the swordsmith village arc. Also this is a bit rushed because I just want to post something before I study for days on end with exams coming by. pls, this is Xiao and Zhongli centered because I'm making my way to Liyue BABY-

❀ pronouns: they/them

Stories about your strength and benevolence have been shared all around Teyvat. How you have fought countless outer gods and purified multiple worlds from corruption were shared with kids and studied by historians to understand more about your past. But of course, you acolytes are the ones who know just how deep your love runs for your people.

One of them was Xiao. Xiao was one of your followers who got to know you personally, ever since you manage to defeat the tyrant who took control of him. He swore loyalty to you and stood by your side ever since. Small talk was common, and though you have to initiate and carry out the conversation, it was still pleasant.

He makes sure to check that the food you were consuming was safe and not poisoned (as if poison would affect you in any way), and he pressures the cooks to ensure you are only served the best gourmet food. Most of your acolytes know how protective Xiao can be for you so they stay out of your way as much as possible, only communicating with you through gifts and letters that are present in your shrine.

Only a selected few acolytes that can talk to you are the archons. Mostly because Xiao knows he can't defeat them even if he tried, and he wouldn't be a fool to try and intimidate them. He respects the Geo Archon, he can tell he was a very devoted follower of yours and he respects his values. His least favored archon was the Anemo God, though it's more of indifference than dislike.

While he does enjoy the bard's musical talent, all he has ever done is push you away from your work and distract you with little escapades. He has confronted Venti about it multiple times and all he did was shrug off the commotion and skip away.

May Celestia help anyone daring to approach you after you made an announcement that you are finding a consort. They have to go past Xiao first if they want to go to you. He would be supportive of Zhongli being your consort, but something felt off when he proposed the idea to Xiao. He isn't very educated in the ways of feelings, but he can sometimes tell when the emotions are good or bad.

He knows Zhongli is more than worthy to be standing beside you. He should be proud that his Master has found someone like Zhongli, but...why does his heart tell him otherwise? He does his best to shove it down when he watches him hand you a bouquet of qingxins, every time you hold his hand and kiss his face, every time you feed each other Xiangling's latest dish. He doesn't understand, why isn't he happy for the both of you?

Is the problem in him? Why is he like this? He projects his anger towards hilichurl camps before he is left alone to reflect on his feelings. He usually feels like this when he senses something bad is going to happen...is it because the Geo Archon is hiding something? Was something going to happen on the day of the wedding?

Yes, that must be it. The wedding is going to be sabotaged. Or! Or! The wedding must be a scheme to put you in danger. He needs to find a way to postpone the wedding date to find out whats causing him to feel uneasy.

So now it's mostly just him trying to convince you that you don't need to rush the wedding process, while you just sit there for hours straight waiting for him to finish.

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gothamslostboy · 6 months

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Marko W/ A Werewolf Mate

DAVID MICHAEL PAUL DWAYNE

A/N: I FINALLY DID IT! Here’s the final part to the lost boys with a werewolf s/o series. This started last year when I made Paul’s post, and I really didn’t expect me to take so long finishing this💀 sorry to all my marko lovers that his took almost a full year to complete and enjoy:]

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Marko finds you while strolling the boardwalk

He had separated from the boys in order to steal pick up some new paints

He’s a little disappointed that you’re a werewolf for 3 reasons

He thinks the idea of turning his mate and “corrupting” them is pretty hot

It’s easier to understand his mate’s emotions and feelings if they are eventually the same species as him

He’s been told since the day he was turned that werewolves hate vampires and now he’s scared you’ll reject him for it

But he doesn’t let it stop him from overall being excited about finding you

It’s been a couple decades since he got a new mate and he’s extremely curious what your personality is like

Will you be like any of his current mates? Or maybe something entirely new?

Marko’s mainly just hoping for someone who can keep up with his shananigans

Pauls fun to cause mayhem with but he’s also clumsy as fuck and normally they end up kicked off the boardwalk

At least until they can eat the guard who bands them

While Marko is still thinking of all the possibilities, you manage to catch his scent

Immediately you start running towards him

He notices you and starts to greet you

But Paul caught your scent, and wanted to protect his boy

He ends up tackling you into an alley and holding you down

Paul keeps asking you why you were trying to attack Marko but doesn’t trust you when you say he’s your mate

Well at least until Marko throws him off of you

It’s safe to say it wasn’t the first meeting either of you expected

But once everything got sorted out, and Paul gave an embarrassed apology, it ended up okay

Paul left to tell David and Dwayne what was going on, so you and Marko got to talking

He asked you to help him get the paints, and with the extra help, he also got a new sketchbook and some markers

With your supernatural speeds the two of you manage to out run the security guards and end up hiding under the dock, huddling together in order to avoid being seen through the cracks

He looks at you and breaks out into laughter, as quiet as he could, until you can’t contain your own laughter

Both of you whisper about the successful haul, until the giggles naturally die off

Staring at each other without speaking, you take in the other’s scents again

After the moment passes Marko has an idea

He smirks quickly before stuffing the stuff into his “shopping” bag and pulling you by the hand

Together you flee the boardwalk and don’t stop until you’re about 50 ft into the woods near the cave

You ask him what he’s doing and he tells you to listen to the noises around

Focusing as hard as possible, you notice a couple things: rushing water from the creek, an owl on the hunt, various animals walking, and finally, a group of ppl laughing near a camp fire

He proposes a challenge, first one to get a kill gets to make the first move

You chuckle at the idea but end up agreeing, shifting into your wolf form and darting towards the group

Marko is a bit in awe of your transformation

He had never seen anything like it

He doesn’t let himself fixate on it for too long long bc he realizes that now you’ve had a head start

Going as fast as he can, Marko gets to the campsite just in time to see you pounce

“Fuck!” He lets out a playful sigh as he helps take out the group, making sure there isn’t any stragglers

He fakes annoyance as you shift back, gloating about your victory

Marko is about to respond when you lean in and kiss him

He pulls away after a few seconds and you guys spend the rest of the night joking and getting familiar, eventually going back to the cave and meeting the others

Date nights for you two tend to involve some kind of scheme or murder

You pretending to be a dog and luring ppl into the woods to kill, testing each others abilities and seeing who’s better at certain things, messing with the rest of the pack, etc.

Marko also loves to play fight, so thank god you both have advanced healing

The full moon tends to make you more playful and increase your sex drive, and Marko is more than okay with both of those things

The only time Marko is gentle with you is the night after a full moon, when you’re dazed and tired from the heightened emotions and sensations you experience

But he’s right back to his normal self as soon as your better

After a couple years he starts getting sad about your mortality, so you both go to Dwayne for help

He figures out the rituals and items you need, and you and Marko set off to complete them

If you thought Marko was a sadist before, well you’re in for a shock now that you’re not a risk of death

He likes to howl at the moon with you at night, even though he doesn’t fully understand why you like it so much

He wanted to know if you play fetch since he met you, but didn’t know if that was a rude question to ask or not

He goes to the boys for advice on how to ask you but David just gets up and asks you right then

Now it’s a game yall play as a group

After a hunt they take a limb and throw it as hard as they can

If Marko is trying to hide something from you, like a gift or a conversation, he tends to throw things in the opposite direction

Your instincts are to immediately go get it

After the 3rd or 4th toss you figure it out and manage to stop chasing it though

He also thinks it’s funny to jokingly call you “bad dog/good dog” at random times and laugh when you give him a dirty look and growl

Marko doesn’t think it’s as funny when you bury his things in retaliation

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TAGS

@crustyboypix @lazywerebat

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hulhudhonado · 2 years

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The Moment They Fell For You (2)

Note: I actually planned on writing all the Sumeru characters in one post but I thought it was getting a bit long. So I decided to split them instead. Also I think people do not write enough fanfic for the female characters. I did not proof read this at all. Sorry if it's not up to standard. Enjoy.

CW: None

HC: Reader is gender neutral and does not have a vision.

Characters: Cyno, Nilou

Cyno

You had known the General Mahamatra ever since you both studied in the Akademiya together. You watched him surpass you and your colleagues, rising to the ranks to where he is now. You watched in awe and also ashamed of yourself for not being able to keep up to his level. However times had passed and now you too were a scholar teaching amongst the rest in Akademiya.

While most tended to to go down the path of finding new information or discoveries for the next hit paper, you kept to yourself keeping logs of all the current surplus of information scattered through the Akademiya walls and passing those knowledge to the budding scholars of the future.

You and Cyno were not close friends however you both friendly enough for a wave or a quick hello back to each other since you were one of the few scholars that didn't seem to fear his gaze. Otherwise you barely saw him, knowing that he was someone who tended to do his job hidden or by himself. Due to the difference in your jobs you didn't expect to cross one another anytime soon, but when news came that one of your students may have been working to acquire illegal knowledge capsules you and him somehow ended up together in the mission to catch them in the act.

"I can't believe this is happening." You groaned to yourself, face in your hands while you crouched against the wall. This was the worst thing to ever happen in your entire history as a teacher. You couldn't believe that one of your students were going this far just to pass the exam. Were you too strict? Did you fail to teach them properly? It was too late either way. You looked up from your hands to stare at Cyno who stared down at your crouched form. His face emotional less and his glare sharp.

If it were anyone else they would be whimpering under his gaze, but you could tell he didn't seem to harbor any negative feelings. Well at least not to you. "If the rumors are true they will be held accountable. You don't need to worry about that. " You shook your head, standing up and facing him head on.

"It's not that." Cyno arched an eyebrow. "It's an issue with me. If I did my job as a teacher properly they wouldn't have needed to take such drastic measures. If this is true I at least want to hear their side. I want to make sure this never happens again." You answered, trying to keep a brave front. Cyno stared at you blankly before turning away to walk out from the building. "Do whatever you want. It depends on what we find anyway."

You watched him walk out of the door. All you could do was sigh, following after him. How embarrassing was it that this was the first time you both had talked to each other properly. "If this is how fast you plan on going the entire mission we aren't going to finish anytime soon." You jumped in shock, realizing that he had not left you to catch up but was waiting for you outside the door. "My apologies." You mumbled, even more embarrassed than before. This was not going to be a fun.

---

The plan was simple . Since you kept a low profile compared to most scholars, it would be easy for you to infiltrate the merchant camp with the rest of the knowledge capsule hunters. After sneaking in, using the codes that were given to you by an unknown source, Cyno mentioned he had his ways but he did not look pleased about it, you would try to find your student amongst the crowd. After they had been spotted all you needed to do was take a picture using the kamera.

After the evidence had been acquired, all you needed to do was send the signal to Cyno and rush out of the place as fast as you can so that Cyno could shut the whole place down for good. You could feel yourself getting nervous the closer you stepped near the camp. You still had hope that maybe your student was just being framed or it had been someone else.

However seeing the familiar face amongst the rest of the buyers only filled you with dread. You reached your hand to grab the kamera, slowly inching close to be able to take a clear picture of them in the act. Just as you were about to pick the kamera out for a quick picture, you halted hearing the distress in your student's voice.

"We can't be here father. There are already rumors about me. My grades are not even that bad, I can pass the bar exam without the knowledge capsule." You heard them say only to be hushed harshly. You could feel your eyebrow twitch in rage. You watched as your student looked around worriedly, trying to drag their father away from the rest of the crowd.

You felt the tension in your body release, your student wasn't the one who wanted to get access to the knowledge capsules. Their father just was a cunt. You wanted to go there and drag them away from him, telling them that it will all be ok. You looked down at the kamera and then to the signal in your hand.

Without a second thought, you clicked to the button to release the signal. You winced hearing the loud sound it made, Cyno was not lying when he said he would hear it from miles away. The merchants and buyers looked around dazed by the sudden sound. You immediately began to make a run for it but instead of the door you ran straight towards your student.

Pushing their father to a side after he had loosened his grip, you grabbed your student by the wrist and began to make a run for it. You could hear your student shout your name in shock but you continued to make a run for it, hearing the now panicked and distressed calls of the people back in the illegal trade "THE GENERAL MAHATRAMA! HE'S HERE!". You could feel a smile form on your lips, Cyno was definitely having a field day.

---

You could feel Cyno's irritation when he realised what you had actually done. However you were lucky enough that he was willing to hear you and your student out. You were glad they rumors were not actually true and it wasn't them who wanted to acquire illegal knowledge and you were happy to know Cyno was willing to actually believe you.

"Thank you." You said, you could feel your face heat up and at this point you couldn't tell whether it was from the joy of helping your student or whether you were just feeling shy. You could see Cyno's eye twitch a bit however his face remained stoic. "I was just doing my job. The trade was successfully shut down because of this anyway. We shouldn't be hearing about any illegal knowledge capsules anytime soon." You shook your head.

"I meant for letting my student go." You smiled at him and he huffed. You wondered if you were imagining it but you could feel him seem shyer than before. " That was barely anything."

"Still let me pay you back in a way." Cyno raised an eyebrow at you. "What do you suggest?"

"Maybe dinner? Or perhaps a game? I heard you loved playing a certain card game." You teasingly mention, pulling out a new pack of cards that you had made sure to bring with you just for this. You could see a glint of light form in his eyes.

"I can't turn down a challenge." He answered. Cyno didn't know what to make of you when he first met you, all he remembered was how you would gingerly wave at him whenever he would catch you staring while he instinctively waved back. He watched you grow fond of your students and show your interests to teach. You might not think he cared too much about you but he was always paying attention.

You guys were not close but you were always in the back of his mind. Maybe that was why he decided to hear you out when you decided to pull something risky like that during the mission. Either way, Cyno always had a form of affection for you and it seems your invitation to play Genius Invokation TCG has finally confirmed that maybe it might be just more than acquaintances. Cyno just hoped his stoic nature would keep it under wraps, at least for now.

Nilou

"Do you know how to dance?"

It was the first thing that Nilou had said to you when she saw you trying to dance on the outskirts of Sumera city. You decided to stroll into the Grand Bazaar one day. You just went inside to peak. The Akademiyan scribes would have been completely against you from entering but you were so curious. They always had something bad to say about the place and you just had to find out why hated the place so much.

You stumbled inside during an event that day. The lights illuminated the stage and the star of the show swayed to the rhythm of the music. You stared in awe when you saw how delicately she danced. She looked as if she was floating. All eyes were on her, including yours. She didn't even stumble at any moment and you couldn't even see a bead of sweat dripping down her face. 'Must be an angel' You thought.

You didn't expect to stay for the whole event but you lost track of time. Watching show after show, the theatre had so much to offer! Why would the Akademiya be so against it? The shows were exciting and full of life, most of them even showed a valuable lessons which were easy to understand by the general public.

Either way you got hooked on going to see what they had in store, especially the dances. The moves felt so calculated and precise. You could feel your Akademiya brain trying to figure out how they did it, which was what lead you to your first encounter with Nilou.

You were trying to copy what you had written down during one of the events. You wrote down her exact foot placements, the way her hips swayed to the beat and even the different speeds changes during all movements. However nothing was going right! You kept stumbling over you feet and you could not meet the beats.

You were surprised on how scarred you got during the process, who knew you would stumble so much just to learn how to dance? You huffed, wiping the dirt and grime off your outfit and pulling out the notebook from your pocket. You could not figure out what you were doing wrong? You repeated the steps in your head, jotting down what you had possibly missed causing your failed attempt. You sighed frustratedly, putting the notebook back into your pocket.

You made your way towards the river and began to pose. Nilou started her routine dance in a specific way and you wanted to find a way to replicate it. You looked at your reflection, you were too stiff and it looked awkward. You kept trying find a good angle and that was when Nilou had popped out, asking you the question.

You yelped, almost falling into the river, however you were saved as gentle arms grabbed you by the waist. You looked at her as she steadied you before letting you go. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scar you!" She said, arms up and face apologetic. You could feel your face warm up.

"How long have you been watching?" Nilou chucked a bit. "A while now. " You could feel your face become warmer. Nilou looked at you worriedly. "Oh! I wasn't watching you on purpose or anything! I was actually collecting some wood for the theatre props! I'm so sorry for invading your privacy!" She said, pointing towards the bundle of wood collected near by some trees.

You shook your head, trying to calm yourself down. The angel in your favorite new pastime had saw you dancing like a mess, however you still had some Akademiya scholar pride, you couldn't show her that this situation bothered you. You coughed into your hand, trying to hide the rest of the blush which was slowly going away. "It's alright. It's not like this is a private area anyway. I'll be on my way."

You turn to go pick up your stuff only for your arm to be captured by Nilou's firm grasp. "Oh please wait! I saw you dancing and you seemed you needed some guidance. I could help you practice if you like!" You turned to look at her as she smiled at you. Her eyes were such a gentle blue and full of life. You couldn't say no to that.

"That would be quite helpful actually." You mumbled quietly, still trying to keep whatever pride you had left in you. You wanted to know how to dance, you wanted to feel like you were floating as well. Nilou let out a laugh, it was sweet and you could feel yourself get butterflies in your stomach just from hearing it. "Let's get started then shall we?"

That was the start of your dance practice journey with Nilou. If Nilou wasn't in the theatre she was near the outskirts of Sumeru City with you. She taught you from the very beginning. It started from stretching. You were stiff as a board, which was how Nilou described you when you couldn't even bend to touch your toes. You tried to tough it out and you were surprised to see how fast results showed.

You looked at Nilou excitedly after you were successfully able to do her entire exercise routine without asking for a break. She giggled at your joy, she never had such a student who wanted to learn this much.

Then she showed you how to match the rhythm. It was simple, she held your hand and guided you.

First Step, Second Step, First Step, Second Step.

You held onto her hands tightly, watching both of your feet's intensely. You were worried that you would step on her toes at any moment. However during this moment all Nilou could do was stare at your face, eyebrows furrowed making sure not to miss a step. She couldn't but think how cute you looked so serious for something so simple.

Finally after learning the basics, she showed you how to do a simple routine, all the dance steps separately. You showed her your notebook full of all the records you kept of her shows. She looked at it enthusiastically. "You wrote this all down?" You gave her a nod, proud of your academic ability to be able to take notes down so well.

She stared at the notes which were accompanied by the drawings. You had written down almost her entire show routine. She could feel a blush creep up her face. You had looked at her so intensely, making sure to not even miss a single hand movement or foot placement. She could feel your eyes burn in the back of her head now and she wondered if she could continue doing the shows like she always did if it meant you looked at her in such a way.

"You didn't need to write all this you know?" "Why not? The way you move is so beautiful, I couldn't help myself. " The words flew out of your mouth so smoothly you didn't even realise how shy Nilou had gotten. Her face was entirely red at this point and she could feel her legs almost giving out. She huffed, placing the book to the side.

"Well you won't need that book when I am training you directly." She grasped your face, making you look at her directly in the eyes. " All you need to do is look at me." This time you could feel your face heat up.

---

The training took months. It became a daily occurrence of you sneaking out from the Akademiya to go to the Grand Baazar. Almost everyone knew your name and after Nilou was done with work you both would leave to go dance alongside both of your new secret dancing spot.

Nilou sat down on a rock, patiently waiting for you to began dancing. You were no longer the scholar covered in dirt and grime due to stumbling over your own feet nor did you look stiff when you tried to match the rhythm. You were confident and you wanted to show Nilou the progress that you both had achieved.

When you started to dance Nilou could feel her chest ache. You were so enchanting. She wondered if this was how you felt the first time you sneaked inside to watch her dance. She couldn't take her eyes away from you. 'Ah, an angel.' She thought as you smiled at her during your routine.

She didn't know how to express the emotions she felt inside her but she knew was she wanted to keep dancing with you in secret. Your dancing was for her and her viewing only.

#genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #nilou x reader #cyno x reader #genshin fluff

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itspdameronthings · 1 month

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How Benny Became a Boxer Pt2

Summary: Finally! Finished this fic after being inspired by a post about Miller brothers fighting. Thought i should do a part 2. It deals with affairs of the heart. Will giving advice. Enjoy!!

Benny looks at you from afar. Thinking about how emotional the situation was hours ago. To him learning to box it's not just for him. Okay, mostly it was. Needs to be the one to defend your honor when Will leaves for the Army. Which is two years away. Go over to the bench to fetch the tape for your hands. Took your small hand into his large one,” Now watch me do this. Gonna take practice to do this. Not putting gloves on just yet though. Then flex them to make sure it's snug. Got it?” Looking up at him was a sight. Beautiful blue eyes that sparkle like the water on a cool day. Blond hair that covers his eyes which he puts it in a bun. Even though he is still skinny,but he has started to get some muscle . So handsome. To you ? It Feels so plain compared to Benny. Just a tomboy . Don't like girly attire. Jeans and tees that's it! Both fist bumps . Follow by circling each other . Benny does his best to keep up the pace. Then it dawned on him. Wait! Need to teach the basics first. Hits his fist,” first thing first . Hit my hand with all the power ya have. A’nt gonna hurt me. Promise little bit.” Punches his palm again,” Hit it like ya mean it! Think it's either the hussy or the jerk’s face.” Pulled your fist out with force you had in your small frame. Punched his hand so hard that caused Benny to be pushed back a bit. At that moment he knew. His best friend had so much pent up anger . Thinking this is a good outlet for not just him,but you too.

The lesson continues till the porch light comes on from his house. Signals for him to get inside. Also it wasn't hardly any light in the barn. Since Benny turned on the small lamp for camping. Both of you sat on the edge of the ring recovering from the lesson. Took a big gulp of water. You sighed,” Thanks for the lesson Benny . Needed that. Never thought I had all of… ya know.” Sitting close to you. Practically shoulder. Not aware of the closeness to you. Till something clicked . Something rather a feeling he never felt before. Meaning he might be falling in love with you. How he wanted to test out that theory till Will entered the barn. Alone. Looking rather upset. Benny gets up,” Oh oh bro what happened?” Taking a deep breath,” All I can say is… I should have listened to you Little Bit. You were right. She used me! For what! Just to make a teammate jealous. Was so fucking..” that's when he started to punch the punching bag near the wall. Oh how you hated to see your friend hurting. Thought about how you,and Will argued about dating your now former best friend. Got so bad that you and him hardly spoke. Took a deep breath, going over to him,” I'm sorry that happened. You're too good of a guy to endure that. We were so blinded by what we thought was love. So.. how about we hang out some more.”

Soon the boys got ready for bed. Benny had something on his mind. Only person to talk to. Okay, might be too soon. Got to take a chance. Knocks,” is it safe to enter? “ Putting his book down,” it's okay bro I'm calm honest.” Benny turns a chair backwards as he sits down,” Look bro gonna cut to the chase. Think.. I might be in love with Little Bit. Can't shake it ya know. Like.. we are destined to be together. Think it started when I was defending her honor,and shit “ Putting his book aside leaning against the headboard .Will absorbed the information he heard. Not wanna come out and say that he could tell there was something special between both of you. Benny drops everything to save you from what you were dealing with. Taking a breath,” I can tell man. Friendship like that leads to something special. Don't rush it okay? Don't want ya to get emotionally hurt. “ Oh Benny, to hear that from his brother put a damper on his mood. Place his chin on the back of the chair,” This feelin might not fade man. “ Benny walks out of the room. Taking a deep breath,” should have waited to tell that to him. Dumb move Benny”

Present day:

After the session with the punching bag. Three of you went out to the local diner. Three of you go to a lot. Ordering the usual. Cheeseburger and chili fries. Benny went outside to chat with Frankie about when his next fight will be. Meanwhile inside the two of you sat quietly. Until Will breaks the ice by stealing a few fries from your basket,” I can see it in your eyes little bit. Have something on your mind. Can tell me. You miss Santiago right? “ Took a bite of your burger looking around to see if Benny was around. Taking a breath,” I miss him so much. Although… I think I'm in love with him and Benny. Have been for a while. Never really told them. Came close a few times. chickened out! Don't know what to do!” Will heard his brother tell him the same thing from a teenage Benny. Wishing he gave him some advice then, Benny would have avoided the series of distasteful relationships in his younger life. Now.. his friend needs advice about the affairs of the heat again. Like he was at that time . This time he is gonna give you the advice he should have given his brother,” Don't wait darlin. Tell them how you feel. Who knows? They might surprise you.” From the distance. Benny heard the sweetest thing. You love him.

Year or so later:

The gym was now closed. Oh the quiet. What a lovely sound right now.After the people left,and all the clean up finished. All left to do is go upstairs and lay on the soft couch while your boys handle the paperwork. Eyes closed having a good dream till you feel a familiar pair of hands rubbing your back while head on his lap,” Whatcha thinkin about baby girl? Hope it's about me. “ Taking in his sweet ,and sweaty scent of his body. Thinking about how happy you are right now. Everything you wanted is right here,” Yeah, thinkin about the first time ya learned how to box. How we bonded after that horrible day. How I thought you were becoming quite handsome. I.. thought I was beginning to fall for you BennyBear. Thought if I were to tell ya. Might laugh at me “ Benny was lost for words . You felt the same way! Shit! To hear that now made his heart flutter. To think! You felt the same way back then too. Pushes your hair away from your face ever so gently,” Oh baby girl we held onto those feelings for so long. That night I told Will about my feelings. Which was bad timing on my part. Now here we are. Being with you,and who would thought ill be sharing ya with Pope. So … how about I stay with ya till the others are finished with the paperwork.” Thinking that even back then he knew the two of you would be together. Didn't want to tell him that night. Santi stands beside his friend,” Beautiful site. To think you were the one who taught him how to box. “ Smiling at the thought,” Taught him everything I knew. Owe it to my cousin, Jay.”

#triple frontier #benny miller x reader #never letting you go #garett hedlund #charlie hunnam #charlie hunman

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sparkyskid · 9 months

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Gale Dekarios The Wizard of Waterdeep ace-spec propaganda

Spoilers for Gale’s romance below the cut

I, an Aroace, have finished BG3 having romanced Gale and taken the route to “fix him” (I.e. encourage him that he is enough as he is and doesn’t need godly power, that his value does not depend on his power or talents or usefulness to others.)

Yes you make out a little in his romance scenes. Yes he says that he has been intimate with mortals before Mystra, and was Mystra’s lover.

BUT.

It is never stated that you have sex with him.

At most, it is implied that you are physically intimate in some way, primarily the post-game where he asks you to marry him, you wake up together and you can beckon him to come back to bed.

Even then, even when it is implied, Gale’s romance is entirely chaste. For a game so horny, a game so ready to let you fuck so many people, a game that gives you power to make your party hang out at camp in their underwear or even naked…

Astarion and Shadowheart definitely have topless/nude scenes. Karlach and La’zell express sexual attraction. Wyll is entirely unknown to me. But Gale, despite being very upfront about his feelings in some key moments, does not have a nude or partially nude cutscene. A game that loves showing or describing the sex you have with NPCs, and Gale has none of it.

Furthermore, the moment that stands out the most as possibly showing sexual attraction, in Act 2 when he comments about reading a book that links the rush of battle with desires for other “stimulation”. He is having such thoughts, but even as he says he wants Tav, it seems to be about pleasure and stimulation more than flat out sexual attraction.

As we all know, willingness to engage in sex and the experience of sexual attraction are different. Gale expresses a very ace or demi sort of relationship with sex- for him, it’s about pleasurable stimulation with a beloved person.

Take this in contrast with Halsin. In my game, Halsin came onto my Tav in the last night before the final battle. He spoke of natural desires, of wanting skin on skin etc. similar to how La’zell expresses a desire for Tav’s body in Act 1 or Karlach “ride you till you see stars”. Halsin, La’zell, and Karlach, all clearly express sexual attraction. Astarion is, well, Astarion. I don’t know Wyll very well, but his first romance scene is a dance and he gets such puppy eyes when you reject him. There is none of these things in Gale’s route.

One last thing, the compliments Gale gives. Yes, this is a difficult thing to write because the appearance of Tav can vary wildly. But his compliments are centered around aesthetic attraction, not physical. “Beautiful” is one of his most common ones. Non-specific, wholistic, and aesthetic. It would be hard to write anything more specific with the Tav’s appearance being so variable. But the other NPCs still have doubtless sexual attraction.

So Gale is a romantic, so what? He could also be a “wait until marriage type”? False. He has not been married, but (at least implies that) he has had sex before.

But it could just be that his route is supposed to be the most romantic, and not all of the NPCs need to have equal levels of horny? Yes. Not all of the NPCs should be the same amount of horny. And the least horny, if they are this different, will always come across as ace-spec or aro-spec, if only by comparison (as it is in the real world).

Consider another detail as well: how the people closest to him are expected to react to him finding a relationship.

Both his BFF Tara and his mother apparently want him to get in a relationship. Tara is obvious, Gale speaks of Tara encouraging him to have more mortal friends after his relationship with Mystra ends. And Tara does at one point comment on Gale finding a mortal partner in-game. Later when Gale asks Tav to marry him, if you accept, he remarks how his mother will also be very pleased to hear the news.

This is a theme in his life. People pressuring him to find a relationship. This is also a very commonly shared experience for a-spec people of all kinds. Pressure from others to find someone. (The most toxic variation being “you haven’t met the right person yet”)

My own mother would be overjoyed if she heard I found someone to get married to, even though she knows I don’t want that. Sure, many parents are this way about their allo children as well, but that’s hardly talked about. Parents of a-spec people, whose children “finally get married” or “finally find someone” are specially invested in the outcome. Of course anyone’s supportive parent would be happy if their child got married to somebody they loved. But it’s noteworthy here, for some reason. As if his mother has, in the past, also given him some grief about it in a way that Tara does as well. If she hadn’t, why mention her at all?

Gale being pressured by those closest to him to get a relationship is thematically similar to the way ace-spec (and aro-spec) people get pressured by those closest to them. And the relationship he crafts is one based not on physical attraction, but on aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction. Gale shares physical forms of affection with his partners for the pleasurable stimulation of it. He does not exhibit the same lust or sexual attraction that the rest of the romanceable/fuckable NPCs do. All this to say that Gale is consistently sex-favorable, but does not experience sexual attraction in the same (allo) way that everyone else does. Therefore, he falls on the ace spectrum. Most likely ace or demi.

#bg3 #gale of waterdeep #bg3 spoilers #asexual #tldr: Gale is ace or demi and you can’t change my mind #he’s the kind of person who thought he was bi/pan as a kid #and maybe still thinks so #because no attraction to genders = same attraction to genders #but he is SO ace-spec

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itsasweater · 10 months

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HSMTMTS thoughts before season 4

So I recently finished my re-watch of season 1 through 3 before the final season airs so that things are fresh in my memory. I wanted to make a couple of posts on my thoughts on the seasons in general and possibly some specific topics like the characters themselves. This one will be about each season.

Season 1:

I hadn't seen this season since when it originally aired and let me just say, it was kind of a grind to watch. I feel like the season didn't really start until the Homecoming episode which was ep 5. I also forgot this season had 10 episodes. The whole Nini/Ricky/EJ triangle storyline didn't really hit for me. Ricky's home problems with his parents, everything changing around him (which he clearly hates) and how he dealt with that was probably the best storyline of the season, as sad as it was to see his character go through it. The music in the season was decent, Nini had some really good. I think a lot of nostalgia comes in to play with the way people talk about season 1, it is overhyped. I also think a lot of it has to do with the very weird Jolivia obsession that still to this day for some reason resides in the fandom, I see the PFP's and twitter user names smh. Overall, new shows tend to struggle out of the gate and need a while to find the right path so I'm at least glad that they got more seasons to continue that journey instead of being cancelled like many shows do without getting the chance to do so. It certainly seems like they were not sure whether they would get renewed or not after season 1.

Season 2:

It really is a shame that this season has the most episodes because I feel like it is definitely the weakest season. It was a struggle to get through this season on the re-watch. I appreciate what the cast and crew went through while filming this season though because I know they started filming in Feb 2020 and stopped in March because of the pandemic and had to return towards the end of 2020 until March of the next year with under strict conditions. So, maybe the pandemic played a role in the quality of the season but I feel like this was even the casts least favorite season with the way they talked about it. Nini's YAC storyline felt out of place and just didn't keep me engaged, the lighting for this season was also very dark lol. I do think this season did a nice job of continuing to show Ricky's struggle with his home life from season 1 and the fact that things were still changing in his life which the show continues to mention just how much he hates that. Ashlyn getting the leading role as Belle was nice and her dealing with her insecurities about that was good. The season Finale fell flat though, it seemed rushed and I think it was ranked as the worst episode in the whole series. This season did however have 2 of my favorite songs of the whole show, the trio of Kourtney, Gina and Ashlyn coming together to sing 1-2-3 was great. The 4 main characters (Nini, Gina, EJ and Ricky) singing Second Chance was so good, they meshed well together.

Season 3:

This season is probably my favorite. I know some people in the fandom don't feel the same about the season because it felt different from the first 2 but I think that is a good thing. Sometimes shows need a change of pace and they did that with this season. Making it a summer season out of school at a camp was something different and the show had a different tone because of it. It was definitely more lighthearted compared to season 2 and the cast seemed to have had great time filming together. Also going from filming in Utah to filming in LA was probably a nice change for the actors since most of them are based in LA. I know the whole documentary storyline thing was an adjustment for people but they clearly had a plan for it to be a springboard for the plot in season 4 and connect them together. Besides that, Kourtney's anxiety storyline was a highlight for me as I'm sure lots of people could relate to her, the phone call with her mom was great and I'm interested to see if they touch on this more in season 4. Some of the disappointment in the season comes from favorite characters not being in it like Seb and Big Red which is understandable but it's also realistic that not everyone in the group would go to the same camp in the summer, when people usually have different plans. Also, the show clearly felt like they weren't as important to tell the story in season 3 which was used too set up season 4. It was nice that Big Red, Seb and Miss Jenn did make cameo's though, with how big the cast is and the length of the episodes that are not that long it's hard to fit everyone in with meaningful storylines. The additions of Maddox and Jet this season were probably the best new characters that the show has added during the 3 seasons, the actors playing them are great as well and seem to have really bonded with the cast which is really nice to see. WDYKAL was probably my favorite performance of the season, it was very non Disney like lol The tension and chemistry was kind of crazy lol I feel like they could have shown more of the Frozen performance but Kourtney playing Elsa was also a great moment in the season. I'm really excited for season 4 because they seem to be going with a really META storyline for the season and I'm excited too see how the documentary from season 3 has affected the characters.

Anyways, this turned out longer than I intended it too but these are my thoughts on each of the 3 seasons after my re-watch, I will probably make a couple more posts on singular topics like the characters or the ships later. I'm always up for discussions, so if you have anything you want to say please do. I know this place can get out of hand when discussing this show within the fandom but I have thicker skin than most and I don't mind having a discussion but I also understand I'm not the norm lol

If you have read all of this, thank you. If you at least read the title of the post, thank you. Even though you will not see the thank you lol

#hsmtmts #ricky bowen #ashlyn caswell #highschoolmusicalthemusicaltheseries #kourtney greene #ej caswell #nini salazar roberts #hsmtmts season 4

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blues-valentine · 8 months

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HSMTMTS: Ricky’s story arc as told by his songs. From I Think I Kinda You Know to Love You Forever (Part 2).

I’ve been thinking about how every song Ricky has performed on the show (my focus will be mostly on the original songs) tell us what his journey has been in the course of the show.

Ricky’s journey has been about changes and the future, leaving his childhood behind, how his parents relationship affects his own as well as the ability to be emotionally open. How he viewed love at the start of the show vs how he views love now. About new starts. About how happiness is a process and something he also needs to create for himself. And his songs reflect this journey very well. For this post. I'll focus on Season 1 and Season 2 for Part 1.

Read Part 1

As a continuation to my analysis on Ricky and the songs narrating his journey on the series. I mentioned how Season 2 closes part of Ricky’s arc with Second Chance. A song that in Ricky’s side talks about moving on after a relationship ends (Nini) and finding new beginnings. He also finishes the season saying he isn’t sure of who he is yet but it’s getting towards happiness. He had understood to an extent a lot of things and how he reacted to them wasn’t healthy for himself and those people in his life. Season 3 opens a new chapter for Ricky to start again but as an improved version of himself. It is his “second chance” in all capacities, which is why I said (x) Season 3 feels like a new start and by putting Ricky in similar situations but having him deal with it differently will show how much he has grown from his past mistakes and fears.

And before we start we have to mention the Lily story line. I think it was clearly a plot device to get to some realization. Ricky thought Lily was a good person that just needed some friends. And he saw an opportunity for something new. But the storyline simply fell flat and it made it seem like an useless rebound instead of giving Ricky (and the audience) a satisfactory arc. She was a copy of Gina 1.0 and I believe Ricky was trying to see Gina in her, and a lot of their parallels (x) feel intentional. And we know by now nothing about Rina is done carelessly. I remember Tim Federle’s interview for the finale saying Ricky is sometimes too naive for his own good. And I am sure the story line was going to make sense but as confirmed by Tim himself a lot of the things in Season 2 were rushed and the finale was rewritten (it was originally going to feature a lot of flashbacks) but the safety precautions due to covid changed those plans. Regardless, I am glad that arc got removed. Lily wasn’t an interesting character and I didn’t want her to take space from other characters. Now, with that out of the way, let’s move on.

Ricky opens this season as well as being given the first song of the season: Finally Free. This song really expands on Second Chance and tell us where Ricky’s mindset is before going to camp: embracing new starts, not going back to the old ways he used to handle all his feelings.

Some important parts: “Give me empty pages, just give me something new” Season 1 Ricky would’ve never wished for something like this. “Breakin' away from the broken hearts (Nini). No more mistakes, no more empty starts (Lily). I'm finally, finally free, finally, finally”. He follows with “Buildin' out from the bottom. Now there's no way to go but up” meaning he has to rebuild himself again. And another one that is important is: “And I'm going down a road that I don’t know. Yeah, I let it take me anywhere but home”. This takes us back to him calling Nini home (at his childhood home) on Season 2 in a matter that felt like attachment to his childhood (and old times) so this references him not going back to that unhealthy mindset.

In a way, all the events that happened lead for Ricky to have this realization. This is the Ricky that could’ve been ready to be with Gina. But Season 1 and Season 2 Ricky wasn’t ready for that and was denying it, when he allows himself to not be afraid of changes, his feelings take a whole new perspective. This is why he is able to understand his feelings for Gina were always deeper than he allowed himself to admit before. And very fitting with the theme, Ricky and Gina vow to just “start over” with their relationship. This season is not just about Ricky rebuilding himself but his relationship with Gina as well.

This season doesn’t have as many solo songs due to the limited episodes, but did a good job in paralleling the overall arc with the roles they were playing for the musical, especially with the “love triangle” (x). Gina represents Anna’s naive perspective on love due to EJ being her first relationship so a lot of her interactions with him felt very rose colored and passive (x). I did said before EJ isn’t exactly Hans but they drew a lot of intentional parallels between them, such as Gina not knowing EJ’s real name (and that line being in the WDYKAL duet about Hans). Ricky representing Kristoff in a way that he is also learning a new way to love someone. Plus, them having Gina and EJ dress like the actual characters in a dream like sequence was very much in the nose about those references.

In this season, Ricky is starting to discover the intensity of his feelings for Gina but he handles it very differently from Season 1. He isn’t trying to cross lines but remaining respectful of her relationship with EJ. I already spoke about how this is an intentional contrast to showcase Ricky’s growth (x). From trying to help both of them, from apologizing to Gina when he feels like his feelings might’ve been too obvious. To selflessly be there for Gina, because he is now discovering love isn’t selfish or has some gain. Love is about sacrifice, sometimes putting the person you love first despite what might come.

Now, here it comes Ricky and Gina’s first duet: What Do You Know About Love. It seems fitting for them because in a way, it reflects how they perceive love at that moment. In the song Anna has a very rose colored perception of love. She thinks it’s worth it even when they clearly aren’t on the same page and she’s idealizing it, and for Kristoff, love isn’t easy, and it requieres a lot of commitment. Ricky and Gina’s version is a lot more flirtier than the Broadway version, but the question “what do you know about love?” is what they ultimately learn from each other.

In the following episodes, Ricky helps Gina plan her promposal to EJ, despite his own feelings. I saw someone saying that a lot of Gina’s season 2 heartbreak was about thinking it was never going to be between her and Ricky. And a lot of Ricky’s heartbreak on Season 3 comes from regret, from letting Gina walk away, from letting something great slip through his fingers. At this point, he can’t turn back time but it’s willing to be there for her in any capacity Gina allows him to be. In the 60’s prom episode, Ricky could’ve told her what he feels for her but realized that it would be selfish to do this to Gina when she’s harboring her own heartbreak. His own growth has been great to watch throughout Season 3.

I also love how Ricky’s sub-plot involving the bucket list he wrote when he was a child of things to do before turning 18 is a metaphor to leaving his childhood and entering adulthood. I already spoke (x) how Nini being the person to help him complete his very last item represents how Nini was his childhood and him only ever getting with Gina when that transition has been done is very important for him as a character.

And this isn’t a Ricky solo, but I just love how this moment and this lyrics are used exactly for this scene because this is the moment Gina realizes it’s always going to be Ricky and what also makes her realize that she isn’t getting the love she deserves or wants for herself with EJ.

As all of us theorized, with WDYKAL, Ricky was going to sing “Kristoff’s Lullaby” because is a direct response to the duet. And he did. This is probably his most important solo song from the season because it puts into words what he feels for Gina and how much she has changed what he thinks about love. I’ve explained this before. (x) Gina has represented change from the very moment she came in (and she was described as such multiple times). She was new, different, and represented the changes Ricky was afraid of. But what they didn’t know is that they are able to give each other what the other needs. Gina made him put into perceptive the idea that he can move forward, that he can deal with his life falling into different directions. Gina has made him understand that he can and will be ready for when changes knock at his door because loving her isn’t about holding back.

Important parts from the song are: “You light the world for me. You live life fearlessly, braver than the bravest of us do. You trust, you hope, you dare. You choose to feel and care. I thought that I was strong 'til I bumped into you” I think this is the perfect way to describe Gina’s effect on Ricky’s life and how brave Gina has been about her feelings for Ricky despite her fear about forming attachments. And I’ve always said “Everything I thought I did. You've gone and changed it, kid. You're what I know about love.” is really the climax of the song and by Ricky singing this directly to Gina (while Nini is also on the audience) is makes a full circle. (x)

This season, Ricky learned to love theater and commit to it, not just because he enjoys it but because he wanted Gina to shine. He created a good friendship with the group, as opposed to Season 2, where he was disconnected to the drama club he now has his own space within. He called himself “a theater guy” and was able to guide Jet towards it. He knew Jet had to find a place to help him cope with his home life and Ricky’s arc comes to a sweet full circle for this.

Ricky ends the season in such a good place. He has grown a lot and allowed things to just be. I like the fact he remained respectful of Gina, even when his feelings were quiet obvious. And I spoke about how important it is that their relationship started by Gina setting her own boundaries. She needed to set the lines and be like “I have feelings for you but I am also okay if it doesn’t happen between us” because a lot of Gina’s journey on Season 3 was about coming into herself and discovering her expectations in a relationship. Her telling him what she feels for him but not allowing it to weight her down and it being a parallel to 206 was also intentional. It was also important for Ricky. He needed that reassurance and initiative to finally give it his all. As he proves on Season 4, he knows and now learned his lesson. He is committed to not mess things up with her. He is committed to improve.

Season 3 ends with Ricky and Gina’s right time. Both on the same page. It was important for them to experience all of that individual journey to get together in a romantic relationship that can be fulfilling and healthy for them both.

Season 4 starts the season with Ricky and Gina in a very happy relationship. You can see that Ricky is motivated to share things with her and do things for them as a couple. A lot of Ricky and Gina’s relationship works because they embrace each other’s personalities and love languages. Gina encourages and reciprocates Ricky’s dorky behavior. As I said, she doesn’t feel suffocated by it like Nini (x) but she wants that level of commitemment and gestures.

At the start of the season, Ricky and Gina are keeping their relationship a secret because Gina is worried about the negative comments from people (mostly her mom) and she doesn’t want the bubble they’ve built together to crash. It’s understandable that we know how controlling her mom is. Ricky agrees despite his own fears. In the first episodes, we can see that a lot is changing for Gina in a way that might take her away from Ricky. This is an opportunity for him to be tested by old insecurities but make it right and not going back to his old tendencies. So, instead of trying to hold Gina back and wishing for the opportunities to disappear, he is happy, encouraging and supportive despite the odds. This thing is reflected in their very first original duet and song of the season: Maybe This Time.

It’s a song about hoping this is the right time for them to get it right after all of the missed opportunities between them and their old relationships. They’re finally in a place where they can be together but as foreshadowing for the season a lot of things are going to change and threaten the stable place they’ve created. But not matter what the future holds they promise to be together and enjoy the ride instead of trying to control the uncertain future.

Part of the lyrics: “Maybe this time is all that we get but we've still got lots to figure out. I’d love to control what happens next I'll give you my all right now. Don't look back, just pull me closer. Hands up on this rollercoaster”. I explained (x) but having Ricky and Gina deal with similar experiences in their past relationships is to not just show how much they’ve grown and learned but also to show how committed they are to be together and be with each other as a team.

In 403, Ricky experiences a bit of insecurities over Mack but despite that he prepares a date with Gina and also apologizes for the comment he made where he sort of dismissed the impact Mack’s show had on Gina’s childhood. It might have been silly but I think it shows Ricky’s self awareness and that he takes seriously all of the things that make Gina happy. In the following episodes, Ricky tries to be supportive of Gina’s life changing opportunities and trying to find a way to make it easier for her to handle both the musical and the movie, but it starts getting a bit too overwhelming and when he finds out Gina hasn’t told her mom about them, it awakens his insecurities. This is where Speak Out comes. Although it is supposed to be for EJ to also speak about his fears, it’s about how Ricky hasn’t said some things out loud, how his mom abandonment issues have created a lot of fears into his life and has made him feel like he isn’t enough of a reason for someone to stay.

Part of the lyrics are: “I'm so sick of my past breakin' me like glass shackled by my emotion.” (…) “Don't wanna walk away from this. Don't wanna be a sinkin' ship. The anchor on my tongue won't let me swim. Don't wanna waste a moment more. Don't know what I've been waitin' for. I'll never get a chance like this again.”

I think this moment was an outlet for Ricky to speak about things that are the root of his insecurities. How his mom decided she wanted a new life in a new city and left Ricky. How Nini didn’t think Ricky was enough for her and even how emotionally difficult it must’ve been for him to hear The Rose song and how Ricky’s entire attempts makes her feel trapped. The reason Ricky was running away is because he thought Gina was also going to leave him for bigger and better things and didn’t want to anticipate it. He never thought he is enough of a reason to stay because frankly, no one had really taken Ricky seriously or believed in his potential, except for Miss Jenn and Gina.

After that much needed conversation with EJ, Ricky goes to see Gina only to see her with Mack. I feel like in Ricky’s mind, he feels like she decided and he’s nothing compared to him. Luckily, Gina sees him and runs after him and tells him she has told his mom about them. I feel like people don’t understand that since a lot of Ricky’s fears have to do with him feeling like he isn’t good enough to be a secure option he doesn’t except people to actually chose him. In his relationship with Gina, he puts efforts but so does Gina for him. She wants him in her life and in her dreams. He isn’t an obstacle or stops her from achieving those dreams, he’s always been a motivation for Gina to pursue them.

In the last episodes, there’s still so many things Ricky has to address, not just about Gina but his college plans and their future. At this point, he has convinced himself that Gina most likely will go to chase her dreams and that it doesn’t involve him. He learned his lesson before, he told Nini he wanted her to stay only for that to be reasonably met with distaste. But the thing is, all of Ricky’s gestures where always meant to be received by Gina, who wants to be asked to stay. I explained this before. Had Ricky asked Gina to stay, she would have done it. But I love how she didn’t have to chose between her need for stability and her wants to be successful.

407 is great at paralleling Troy and Gabriela’s dilemma with Ricky and Gina’s very own issues. “Scream” comes at the moment Ricky is torn between letting Gina go and his unclear future. He feels time is running out. Later, we have them singing Right Here Right Now, a song about how the future is coming soon and they should make every second last. In a way, it also parallels Maybe This Time but less hopeful.

And as an expectacular full circle moment, Ricky says in his speech how thankful he is about the drama club changing his life and getting him through a hard situation. As of Season 1, Ricky came in being a cynical skate rat that didn’t seem to have many friends and was pessimist about love. It didn’t seem like he had hobbies or prospects outside of skating. He had a very troubling home life and dealing with a lot of anxiety. His relationship with Nini was in the verge of ending like his parents relationship and so were his last remainders of childhood. He had to let go of things that were holding him back and accepting of changes and by the end of Season 4 we have seen Ricky become a man in so many ways. He basically let his childhood go by the end of Season 3. And this final season was about him asking questions about his own future and how that would look like for him.

And we are finally here with “Love You, Forever”. The last song Ricky Bowen ever sings on the show and how perfect of a full circle moment it is for his growth. It starts and it ends in the same place: the auditorium. Just in very different situations and a whole new Ricky.

He starts Season 1 singing “I Think I Kinda You Know” to Nini but being unable to say I love you to her face or in front of people. Mostly because his own insecurities involving his parents and how he wasn’t secure enough. I also said that when he finally did say I love you, it was still swimming in his fears of attachment and his parents divorce. It was a confession that felt like desperation to hold onto something steady and safe. And he does say this with “not net, not fear, right here in this moment”. But now, Ricky sings Love You Forever to Gina, and this time very clearly saying the words “I am in love” and “I love you” to her face and in front of his friends (and the world). He say it because he not longer associates love with something scary and that’s also thanks to Gina. He isn’t saying it to Gina to make her stay either. He is saying it because he feels it. He doesn’t know what the future holds (at that point he didn’t even know Gina changed the movie location to SLC) but he loves her and he isn’t afraid of saying it despite the unknown circumstances.

The lyrics says it all: “I been wishin' on a fallin' star for too long. I been runnin', I don't know what from but you and I've become a sacred kinda home. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love and I know it. No net, no fear right here in this moment. I've never been more sure of what I got, yeah. Cause this is so much more than puppy love, so. I'll say it first, no matter what the cost. Here I am, full heart, full stop. I love you” and one important lyric that didn’t make it to the show but is in the full version: “I never knew that I could feel so sure and so strong how can three old words feel so brand new? Ooh, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love and I know it. Mm, so rare, so real right here in this moment. I've never been more sure of what I got. And I'm starin' at the only thing I want, so” because as I said, it’s not just about him saying I love you to Gina and being sure about it but to tell his parents and his friends. Gina’s love has made Ricky so much more emotionally open.

I would describe Ricky’s journey like this:

Season 1: Attachement, fear of changes and sticking to the status quo. Season 2: Denial, isolation, reconning and letting go. Season 3: embracing new beginnings, self improvement and passage to adulthood. Season 4: Growing, learning and embracing the future.

Ricky’s arc has always been incredible because it’s something that took time and effort. Ricky’s arc wasn’t a 180 of one season, it came with ups and downs until he finally managed to do it right not just for himself but for those he loves.

#hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #gina porter #ricky bowen #ricky x gina #rina #hsmtmts season 4 #hsmtmts s4 #hsmtmts rina #text post #meta #hsmtmts meta

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defnotbrooklyn · 5 months

Text

Percy Jackson x Fem!Reader

I’m never leaving you

A/n: this is my first fic! I rly hope y’all like it. Feel free to send me requests or prompts! I’ll also be making a list for people I write for. If popular opinion wants a new character then sure! Also take notice that I haven’t read all the PJ books, but ik the basics. Feel free to tell me about anything you’d like me to fix/add to my writing.

Gif not mine!

Not requested!

Summary: you and Percy went off for battle. What happens when you come back injured?

Warnings: blood, injuries, pet names, swearing, sorry if I forgot anything else.

____________________________________________

You were terrified.

You’d went on battles before, so why was this one worrying you? Was it because you’d be separated from Percy this time? You can’t be nervous, your one of the best fighters in camp. You have to lead a good example and fight well.

But what if something went wrong? What would happen if y-

“Y/N…? Hey you good? I’ve been calling you for a while”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking”

“You know you can tell me anything right?” Percy said as he helped collect weapons to distribute to the younger kids.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I just… I don’t know. This ear feels…different you know? I don’t know what’s wrong with me I shouldn’t be thinking like this. It’s probably nothing” you say worried.

“Hey hey look at me,” percy says as he takes your face in between his hands after putting the weapons down. “It’s fine to worry you know? I’d be scared if you weren’t”

You take his hand. “Yeah” you say slightly laughing.

You smile at him as he kisses your forehead and continues with his job.

“Wait perce—“ you say before he heads off

“Yeah?” He looks back at you, familiar kindness and love in his sea-green eyes.

“I’m just… I love you. Promise me you’ll be careful?”

He smiles at you and starts to head towards you in a hurry, as if he’s afraid you’ll fade away. “I love you too baby. I’m gonna be fine okay? Don’t you worry about me.”

He hugs you and you rest your head on his shoulders as he plays with your hair and kisses your head.

“Meet me after we win?” you say after you pull away.

“You know it”

He presses a soft kiss to your lips for one last time before the fight. He tasted like saltwater and those blue snacks he ate earlier.

You watch him as he walks away to his post with a few other people.

“I can do this. It’s like all the other fights. Let’s win this” you thought to yourself.

You headed to your post with your half siblings and a few others to wait for the monsters.

____________________________________________

After a few dreadful minutes of waiting and planning, you heard a sound approaching you and your friends.

You signaled to your friends and they immediately took action. They readied their weapons and aimed.

One of the monsters appeared from the forest and…

“GO, NOW!” you shouted, surprising the monsters with the campers’ weapons.

The fight was long, and slowly but surely, you managed to lead the monsters to where Percy and his team were, to finish the plan and hopefully become victorious.

When the monsters followed you and your friends you realized they were too much. More than what you planned on. You kept fighting and leading the monsters until you saw…

“PERCY..!”

Percy looked at you with determined eyes and you guys kept on fighting. As you fought one of the monsters, you saw Percy getting attacked out of the corner of your eye.

“Shit shit shit” you thought.

You ran as fast as you can towards Percy, and saw a river. You signaled to Percy and he ran towards it. While you kept his attacker distracted, percy healed and started running towards you.

“Y/N! BEHIND YOU!” Percy screamed

You had no time to turn around before you were suddenly stabbed in the stomach by the monsters claws.

You cried out as you collapsed on the floor.

You heard Percy and a few others rushing to your aid, but then you heard…nothing. You had blacked out.

____________________________________________

The first thing you regained was your sight. Not really though. Everything was blurry, and you felt disoriented.

Your ears were ringing then you started to make out what others were saying. You wish you hadn’t though. There were cries of people all around you. Those in pain, and those who lost their loved ones

You started moving your hands but something-or rather someone was holding them down gently.

“Percy…?”

Percy suddenly looked up at you, hundreds of emotions displayed in his eyes.

“Y/N…? Oh my gods y/n! Your safe! I thought i lost you! Are you okay?” He said panicking and hugging you as not to hurt you.

He pulled away then you got a good look at his face. He was covered in blood and there were bruises and cuts on his face and arms and everywhere.

“You’re hurt…” you say quietly as you gently touch his cheek. “Percy are you okay? Where’s will?”

“Baby, please im Fine. It’s just a few cuts okay? I’m okay. You however are not.”

He took your hand in his and started playing with it as you sat a few minutes in silence. Not sure if what to say, what to do.

“I’m so happy that your alive. I thought I lost you. I don’t know how I would’ve been able to live after that. Please don’t scare me like that again.” He said quietly while still playing with your hands.

“I’m okay perce. I’m just happy your here.” You say starting to tear up.

Percy starts to cup your face, and uses his fingers to wipe your tears.

“Percy, I- I don’t know what happened. I was just. I don’t know. I guess I got distracted somehow. I’m sorry I put you through that”

“Hey hey hey. No. You don’t get to apologize okay? You saved me, and you helped me. I don’t want you apologizing okay?”

“But- I”

“Shh baby. What’s important is that your here and well okay?“

You nod and rest your head against his chest when he sits next to you on the infirmary bed.

You start crying into his shoulder. “It hurt so bad percy. I thought I was losing you”

“I’m right here. I’m here and I’m never leaving you okay? It’s all good.”

You hug percy and he spends the rest of the week caring for you until you heal. He spends everyday reminding you of how much he loves you and how much he’s lucky to have you.

____________________________________________

For my first fic I think I could have done better maybe? It’s fine il improve by time. Sorry for the ending I didn’t know what to add really. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it!

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy pjo #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x you #percy jackson fluff #percy jackson imagine

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bcdrawsandwrites · 1 year

Text

[ID: The first image Psychonauts fanfic banner on a black-to-gray gradient background. On the left in white text it says “Prompt #5: Never Be Hurt Again” On the right is a light blue animated figment of a scaler (a long metal dental tool with thin hooks on either end).

The second image is a Bad Things Happen Bingo card. Various prompts are marked with a half-brain (prompt requested but not filled) or full-brain (prompt requested and finished) symbol, while the “Never Be Hurt Again” prompt specifically is marked with a full brain symbol. /end ID]

Okay I keep forgetting to post this, but I thought of it just now so I’m finally taking an opportunity to get this posted! Here is, FINALLY, my next fic for my @badthingshappenbingo challenge! \

I am currently NO LONGER OPEN FOR REQUESTS. I have enough to work on to get a bingo! I MAY decide to reopen prompts later if I want to keep going after finishing these fics, but for now, requests are closed!

This request is for @loveandmad! Hope you enjoy it! Also big thanks to @jaywings and Pinky G Rocket for beta-reading.

Prompt: Never Be Hurt Again Characters: Caligosto Loboto, his parents, and various OCs for his backstory Warnings: Emotional manipulation/parental abuse, (SPOILERS: implied dental torture)

---~~~---

Traffic honked and wailed in the streets below his window. It was not the city he had been in originally, the one that his parents sent him to a few years ago; he had chosen this city.

—~~~—

"Stoneton?" Caligosto looked from the pen in his father's outstretched hand to the application on the kitchen table. "That's on the other side of the country."

"Yes, but it's a very good city," his mother replied, with the same enthusiasm she'd used to talk about the "very good highschool" or the "very good summer camp" that he'd been forced into in the past, that he still had nightmares about.

"I don't know..."

"Look, son, we're doing you a favor!" His father slammed the pen onto the table. "You want dental school? Here it is. We're offering to pay for your tuition!"

"Your father is willing to give up the money he was putting toward his second yacht! We're making a personal sacrifice for you!" His mother looked away. "I don't know how we managed to raise such an ungrateful child..."

"No, no! It's not that—"

"We're doing this for you, son! You want to live your dream of becoming a dentist, we're letting you do that!"

You never wanted to before, Caligosto wanted to say, but the words retreated back down his throat. To live his dream... he couldn't let this slip away. He stared down at the application again, then grabbed the pen, the yellow gleam of the kitchen light glinting off its metal surface.

—~~~—

Light danced on the tip of the hook as he turned the scaler in his hands. He stared at it, feeling its weight in his palm, remembering the last time he'd used it.

His fingers clenched around it, knuckles white beneath the glove.

—~~~—

The room was a blinding white and silver, save for the dull gray chairs and the dummy heads strapped to them. The heads were painted in flesh tones, faceless save for gaping mouths with complete sets of teeth. Many of his classmates had shied away from these at first, but Caligosto had always rushed to his assigned dummy, half his mind giddy with the thought of finally getting to practice, and the other half with the thought of his parents seeing him as a successful dentist.

He held the scaler down toward the dummy, ready to practice methods of scraping plaque from teeth, when his professor strolled by.

"Now, you'll probably deal with patients who put up a fight," she stated. "Some patients will struggle and squirm. Some may try to bite."

Of course, they'd gone over this before. This professor had always liked to make a show of taking off her glove and revealing a scar one of her own patients had left on her hand. So he nodded along, continuing to move the hook between the fake teeth, digging gently into the silicone gums.

"But you may even have patients who are... unnatural, so to speak."

He paused.

She strode toward a cabinet in the back of the lab as she spoke. "Of course, you need special methods when dealing with them. There are certain tools we have in the medical profession to deal with them, which I'll show you in a moment." She glanced over her students with a glint in her eye.

Slowly he looked back down at the dummy, unsure of why his hands were going numb.

"They're known for all sorts of tricks," she went on, turning to open the cabinet. "They can dismantle your tools with just a look!"

His hand twitched, leaving a small scratch on a fake tooth.

"Or they could reach out and infect you with a deadly virus, just by their touch..."

He gripped the scaler, his knuckles turning white.

"Even if they don't touch you, some can reach out with an invisible hand and change your future, just enough to bring you misfortune!" Finally she turned around with a strange pair of earmuffs in her hand, and something about the sight of them sent a jolt up his spine and caused his chest to burn, and he jumped away from his dummy. His professor didn’t notice as she continued, "That's why—"

"Th-that's not true."

He suddenly became aware that everyone was staring at him, and that his professor's grin had fallen. "Pardon?"

It was too late to back down, so he straightened his back. "They can't dismantle something instantly. They can do it without their hands, but they still need to pull it apart. And there's no psychic power that can cause illness, unless they're spinning you around like a ferris wheel!" He snorted. "And if they could change their future, wouldn't we see a lot more of them winning the lotter—"

"Stop."

He shut his mouth, but his eyes were locked on the earmuffs she held, and he wasn't sure why the sight of them was making him tremble.

The professor approached him, her gaze dark. "Are you defending these mentalists, Loboto?"

"Wh-what?!" he sputtered, head snapping up. "No! I just—"

She got in his face, and he swore he could feel some form of terrible, familiar energy from the earmuffs in her hands. "Never in my class would I ever have expected to encounter a psychic sympathizer!"

The phrase turned his stomach to ice and lit his head ablaze—outraged that she would accuse him of such, and horrified by the implications.

It wasn’t the last time he would hear it, or even worse terms that he didn’t like to think about.

They came up during a meeting with the dean regarding his dismissal from the college. They were spat upon him when he tried to apply for jobs in the area as he scrambled to find his footing. They were hissed at him from former classmates who had once gotten along with him.

The term was even snarled at him over the phone, when he contacted the last two people he could think of for help.

“Psychic sympathizer.”

—~~~—

The shriek of metal on glass brought him out of the memory, and he stared down at the faint scratch across his window.

After taking a moment to unclench his jaw, to breathe, to set the tool aside onto its cart, he turned away from the window and strode across the dark room. There was no point in reflecting on those memories, those terrible manglings of his character, those people who chased him away from what had felt like the one chance of ever achieving his dream. They were behind him now.

But his foot nudged a book that stuck out from the lowest shelf, and he reached down to adjust it, frowning when he noted the misaligned printing on the spine.

—~~~—

Caligosto plucked up the book, flipped through it, picked off the sticker, and slipped it into his jacket. It had gotten easier after the first several times; his hands no longer shook, though his nerves still fluttered in his chest. After browsing through the shop for another quarter hour, he shrugged and trotted out, bidding the owner good-day as he headed back to his apartment to plot his next course of action.

The book, while a measly paperback, was a signed copy, and would surely yield him enough money to cover the rest of this month's rent, which was due in two days. He just needed to choose the next store carefully—one he hadn't been to in a while. There was Jamie's down the road, but he'd just sold a set of pilfered baseball cards there a week ago. He hadn't been to the one on 5th and Maple in a while, but it was closed today... Ah, right, the one another town over—he hadn't been there in a couple months, so that one should be all right. It would be a bit of a hike, but it would be worth it.

So he made the trip, which ate up a chunk of his day, clutching the book under his jacket. Just one more time, and he would be set for another month—another month to figure out how to get out of this dump.

"Got a good one for you this time!" Puffing up his chest, he slapped the book onto the counter. The force at which he'd done it had caused the binding to come somewhat loose, and he fought the urge to wince, hoping the man wouldn't notice. "It's a signed copy, you see?"

The shop owner slid the book closer to himself, lifting it up and turning it this way and that, studying it through narrowed eyes.

Even though he'd gotten away with it before, the sweat still trickled down his back as he awaited the man's evaluation. Maybe he could settle for a lower price if the shopkeeper wasn't willing to pay what it was worth—just so long as he could cover his rent, that was all he needed—

The man huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. "Not a signed copy," he remarked. "It's a photocopy." He'd pointed out the spine, which, now that he looked more closely, didn't even have the title aligned, part of it folding over onto the back cover of the book. When the man opened it, his finger traced the margins, which didn't line up with the edges of the pages. He set the book back on the counter, giving him an unpleasant grin, one with poorly-placed veneers, revealing the blackened teeth between where the porcelain didn't line up with the gums. "I'll give you two bucks."

He trembled all over, the blood rushing from his face, before his mouth twisted. "I hope you choke on your own rotten teeth!" He snatched the book before storming out.

His trek back to his apartment was made in a blind, numb haze, his stomach sinking as he wondered just how he could word a plea to his landlord to allow him another week to pay the rent. If his landlord would even allow that, if his landlord hadn't already heard the gossip being spread about him.

The thoughts left him the second a hand grabbed his arm and yanked him behind a building. His mind clicked into self-preservation mode while some voice screamed in the back of his head that this was it, someone had caught him, or someone had heard the rumors and come after him—

"C-Caligosto, is that you?"

He found himself staring at a young man with a frightened, pale face, and dark circles under his eyes. At first he narrowed his eyes at him, prepared to bolt, only to realize he recognized the man's messy orange hair, though it was a lot messier than the last time he'd seen it.

"...Bower," he said slowly, yanking his arm away. He'd shared a few classes with the student during his short time at the university. "What do you want?"

"Help," Bower choked, huddling in on himself. "I... I just need your help with—"

"I haven't been a student in months, in case you haven't noticed," he said, voice dripping in bitterness.

"Yes, exactly, that's exactly why I need your help!"

He stared at him. "What."

"Everyone avoids you, so—so... no one would know!" A manic smile stretched across Bower’s face as he spread out his sweaty hands.

"...No one would know what?"

"Look, I-I kinda owe someone some money—"

"You're talking to the wrong person."

He turned away, but Bower caught him by the shoulder and turned him back around. Jerking his arm away, he grit his teeth and glared down at the man, who held up his hands.

"I owe them a lot of money! And—and if you can help me get some, I'll give you half."

He opened his mouth to protest, and closed it, looking away as he mulled things over. "Do you have a plan of some sort?"

"I-I do. But it's risky, and I need help. And after that, you never have to speak to me again!"

"...You never spoke to me anyway."

"Look, I know, just—please, just this once?"

Deep down, he could feel something—something telling him it was nice to feel needed. Not to mention, he did need the money on short notice.

He steeled himself. "All right. What's the plan?"

—~~~—

He shook his head. While it had been the moment to launch him into his current career, he'd been foolish to think that he'd been needed by that idiot. No, Bower hadn't needed him specifically. If he'd refused, he would've found someone else. No, Bower had used him, and had been planning on keeping all the money for himself, if he could get away with it (which he hadn't—as he'd predicted, Bower had gotten caught by the police, and ratted him out, but he'd been long gone by the time they'd come looking for him).

He'd been free.

—~~~—

With his few possessions in a duffel bag hanging on his shoulder, Loboto strolled down the sidewalk of the new town, which looked brighter and more promising than his old college town ever had.

It would be a new leaf for him. Perhaps he could forge a license and start a dentist practice, if not here, then somewhere further out. The robbery had given him more than enough money to rent a new apartment for the rest of the year, so housing wouldn't be a problem for a while. Just so long as he could find a job to start with...

He stopped at the bulletin board, perusing the job postings and skimming past event fliers. He wasn't terribly picky, so long as it was something that could pay for rent and still have some left over for food and savings—

A pair of familiar glasses caught his eye, and his blood ran cold.

Wanted: Caligosto Loboto.

His teeth grit so hard they nearly cracked, he tore the poster from the board, and ran.

—~~~—

...It was better now.

The police hadn't found him, of course. Never, in the past few years of his career, though they'd searched. Oh, they'd searched, and he'd had to move again later, but it was all good now.

Especially since his new client had opened up a world of new possibilities to him.

—~~~—

Loboto found her staring at the tools, still in pristine condition, arranged on the shelves. "Interested in those, are we?" He tipped his head. "Do you need some dental work done?"

No sooner had the words left his mouth than his heart began to flutter in excitement, and he perked up. "I know you're here for business, but if you ever need some work done on your pearly whites, I can—"

Nora held up a finger. "I'm just here for business."

His heart and hopes dropped to the floor, and his shoulders drooped. "Yeah, of course."

Yet she was still looking over the tools, eyes narrowed. Without a word she picked up a dental hook, pressing it into one of her fingers until it drew blood.

"Hey!" he cried. "You should be wearing gloves—"

"These tools, Cal," she said quickly, rubbing the finger she'd pricked against her thumb, smearing the blood. "They look like they would hurt."

Grumbling, he snatched the hook away and hunted for a bottle of cleaning alcohol and a cloth. "No," he said absently, stooping down to snatch up a bottle. "In the right hands, the procedures can be mildly unpleasant at worst."

As he disinfected the tool, Nora reached out to him. "So could those same hands..." She gently grabbed one of his palms, and he yanked his hand away, shooting a glare at her. "...make them hurt?"

He stared at her.

"Perhaps, enough for a patient to beg, to plead, to give whatever information you want?"

Loboto held the hook away from her, but hesitated a moment. "...Why do you ask?"

Nora stepped back, regarding the tools on the shelves. "It doesn't look like they've seen much use, and it would be a shame for them to go to waste."

—~~~—

His hands shook, in spite of his smile.

This was it. He was finally going to see his dream come true—perhaps not in the way he'd originally planned, but that's the fun of it, isn't it? He was past all of that nonsense—his parents and professors and even the police trying to control him, trying to get in the way of his goals.

His dreams were coming true. He was finally, finally getting to put his skills to use. And no one was going to convince him otherwise.

"Cal!" a harsh voice called from the room he'd remade into a new "dentist's office." "Your patient isn't cooperating. Get in here!"

"Right away!" he called in return, wheeling his cart into the room.

On the other side of the room was his client, Nora, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. And before her, strapped to the dental chair, was his patient. Both his mouth and eyes were wide, the former from a mouth prop forcing his jaw open, and the latter from terror.

Loboto looked him over, selecting the scaler from his cart and fighting to keep his hand from shaking. He looked from the patient's teeth and gums, then to Nora, who nodded impatiently at him. He stared down at the pointed tip of the tool in his trembling hand—one of many tools that hadn't seen use since his college days.

"Get on with it," Nora hissed.

He clenched the tool, forcing his hand to still, and aimed it at the patient's gums, grinning down into his terrified eyes. "Say aaah!" he said, and jabbed.

#caligosto loboto #psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #bad things happen bingo #my art #my writing #fanfic #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH #I really wound up agonizing over this one for a while for some reason #(also I know the reference to yachts might be a bit of an anachronism)#(but Psychonauts is no stranger to those sooooo)

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retphienix · 11 months

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Well.

It was bound to happen. I genuinely haven't had unexpected technical difficulties with recording in just long enough for it to strike at the worst moment, the final fucking encounter lol

What you see above is my recording cutting off and just, ending, for no reason in the middle of the fight.

Cool cool.

I beat it.

Only took the one more try, it was really fun actually.

I planted most of my team in the center since from there both my gunner and hunter can target 2 of the wisp spawns AND the final spot after you kill the wisp without moving.

I can salvage the beginning of the run but screw it, I'm upset that you really only get so far as me maybe destroying the hand before it cuts, so here's the team adjustments:

I swapped my gunner's secondary to Item since I wasn't going to risk a non-save-state-abuse tinker on this but they ended up not really using any healing items, luckily enough.

Black Mage brought along white magic which was vital for keeping my Hunter, Fusilier, and Dragoon alive. He was also my only victim, as I mistakenly had a "Half holy" damage item equipped to him, so he was really bad at healing himself- he made it to the final phase at least if memory serves, and he kept everyone else topped off through the entire thing so he did his job well :)

Red and Luso rushed the right side, destroyed the hand then camped the spawnpoint while the rest of the team slapped the center spawn and the ranged units sniped the left spawn.

The finale was just Red and Luso rushing to slap it while the ranged spammed from below.

I missed a funny moment where I got the core to 100 hp, Luso slaps for like 200 hp a round and he rushes up to melee range, but I see this weird context option of "Take this!" and I figure alright, maybe it's a flashy finishing move! Let's do it!

It's not.

That's the context move to deactivate the weird rocks which are part of his gimmicky attacks.

I wasted a turn because even the description for context actions just says "Context action" and doesn't fucking tell you what it does >:(

But my anger was short lived because the next unit who could attack was my hunter, who happened to have Ultima ready to go, so instead of Luso dual wield slapping the final boss for game we had THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE MVP hitting him with Ultima :)

Now, for the finale, as it finally is :)

(Not my recording, but here's the ending)

youtube

So, I already said most of what I wanted to say over the last few posts on the game tbh, but I figure it's nice to wrap it up in a neat bow.

FFTA2 is...

Pretty good.

That's about where I'd judge it lol.

The thing is, as I've said, that's astounding to me- because I resented so much of my time spent in FFTA *AND* TA2 isn't some grand reform of TA, it doesn't go back to FFT, it doesn't remove every flaw I hated in TA, it doesn't change the entire formula- it just adjusts things, and that's why I find it interesting just how different my experience was because it didn't adjust a ton.

But it adjusted the /right/ things for my personal tastes which resulted in me actually having a great deal of fun in this one.

Classes didn't get reworked from TA, but skills were far more available (RNG loot rolling in the bazaar) and learned far faster than I recall in TA, which made my experience go from 10 years of squire slapping with no neat moves to very very quickly mastering jobs, learning new skills, and getting to actually enjoy using late game jobs instead of only getting to play with them at their weakest.

Hell, equipment in general played such a different role in this one than TA- in TA I spent the entire friggin' game with trash tier equipment- not because I didn't HAVE better gear- but because the better gear didn't have anything worth learning on it and I was slogging through painfully slow skill learning.

I Beat That Game practically unequipped because when you spend 99% of the game swinging a broadsword because you need to learn tackle you forget to equip excalibur for the boss fight.

I've been using good or even great gear pretty much the entire playthrough in this one. Sure, when learning a new job you often toss on weaker stuff, but you often master a skill in 1 job- this includes dispatched jobs- and this covers your entire party- so skills in general just felt way less tedious to me. Since I'm Not Going To revisit TA, I can't tell you if this is all in my mind- or I lucked out- or what. Just that in TA it felt like a slog to me- I have plenty of posts from my playthrough saying as much- and in TA2, nope!

Good time :)

But as I've said a few times now, TA2 feels like what TA wanted to be, a simplified FFT built for a portable platform.

I found TA "Dumbed down and boring" with a story that actively annoyed me. I found TA2 more "streamlined" if anything, and since it leans so heavily on the side content and that side content is broken up into 300 or so side quests that can all be easily digested in small chunks- it really flourishes as a handheld title!

The story is still pretty lackluster- but instead of annoying me it mostly just mildly perplexes me.

Like it doesn't want to be here, it wants to be a story-less game. It's kinda awkward.

Because almost every "story" moment in this game is either pointless, the party saying "Let's just go fuck off!", or foreshadowing to things that don't matter or happen-

like why was the baron's assassination a thing- Literally No Reason! Could have just been a big red sign that said "You'll recruit Vaan and Penelo soon" and it'd be just as plot relevant.

Why was Khamja or whatever a thing? No reason! Just wanted a name to float around; It never mattered, it never matters, it means even less than the side content mini-stories around the duel clan or the newspaper.

Who's the big bad? Don't worry about it, she'll show up 3 times in the story, do pretty much nothing, and then she info dumps that she has a book too and is evil about it.

The story in this game is very.... lacking in presence. But since the entire game is practically shouting in your ear that the point is the side content and collecting gear- it works- it's fine- I'm placated.

Hm. I expected to say more, as if this wasn't too much already. But the conclusion I can give is pretty simple and a bit nice :)

FFTA2 is a pretty good game.

I don't love it.

It's not my new favorite or anything.

But considering just how raw a deal it got in terms of gaining my appeal, just how much I hated TA and expected to hate this game but felt obligated to try it since FFT is my favorite game and it'd be rude to just ASSUME it's shit.

FFTA2 surprised me.

A LOT.

Because I rather like this game.

I enjoyed "almost" every moment I had with it. There were some annoyances, mostly early on. And there are so design decisions (mostly carry overs from TA) that I just really don't gel with, like you don't need 5 classes that are basically the same class but for different races, it doesn't actually increase the variety when all of them are the same more than they aren't x.x

(or that bad time I had with pre-defined RNG lol)

I had a lot of fun in this one, and I got to have REALLY fun TRPG experiences as my party began to flush itself out- something it didn't really do in TA.

FFTA2's is pretty good. I'm glad I finally tried it.

Neat :)

#Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift #FFT #FFTA2 #Final Fantasy Tactics #RetPlays #Youtube

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abbababbasblog · 1 year

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I wanted to post my old theories on here about the Sjm universe and connections. A lot of what I wrote was fresh after I finished CC2, so there is most definitely plot holes, but I’d like feedback. I just recently discovered @emilystheories on tik tok so I might go back and try to make connections/changes to my theories to make it fit. Anyways here are the theories and I’d love to have feedback!

This first one is more opinionated on the book mixed with some theories:

——PART 1——

⚠️SPOILS TO TOG, HOSAB, AND ACOTAR ⚠️also this might be hard to read because my brain is fried and I’m getting a bunch of ideas all out at once, so I apologize if what I’m saying is too all over the place

Honestly at first glance I really enjoyed HOSAB , I thought it was interesting. But after reading the opinions of other people, it does bring me to the realization that in regards to character depth and development, a lot of the characters didn’t have the elements that I normally love. What I mean by that is there wasn’t enough backstory or explanations that truly made us attach to a character (that’s my opinion/experience though). With Acotar I got SO invested with Feyre and her interests. Painting was what she loved to do, and it was a part of her and expressed many times. Same with Aelin and music. I feel like Bryce loved to dance, but it didn’t have the same effect as Feyre and Aelin with the things they love. The book definitely felt like it lacked the three demential characters we are so used to when it comes to Sarah’s writing, and I feel like that’s why a lot of people feel that Hunt and Bryce’s love story became flat and rushed. Look and Rhys and Feyre. Although their story is different, things still took time and they learned a lot about eachother before falling in love (and ultimately mating). Same with Aelin and Rowan, a lot of things went down in order for them to have a relationship and back it up. There were events that just made Feyre/Rhys and aelin/rowan unique and attention grabbing. But with Bryce and Hunt, it just doesn’t feel that deep. That’s why I don’t think hunt is end game. Don’t get me wrong, I do like them (especially their cute little moments in the first book with selfies and watching tv), but I think Sarah is truly just trying to mess with us. At the end of HOSAB hunt gets the halo put back on directly from an asteri, and we know his mind gets messed up. I feel like there will be a fight between him and Bryce in the next book and being mates will over power it…but I’m low key hoping hunt dies. DONT GET ME WRONG I LIKE HIM!! I promise I do, but think about it. Bryce has not gone through as much as either Aelin OR Feyre. I’m not saying she can’t be badass without mountains of trauma, but it’s not Sarah’s style to give us a more simple character. Aelin with through losing her parents, her first love, slave camp, death over and over and over, but pulled together and came out strong. Feyre went through poverty, bad relationship with Tamlin, and trauma under the mountain. These women were to the point of breaking but came out stronger. I know the argument can be made that everyone has different lives at that they shouldn’t be compared to the pain of others, and Bryce almost committed suicide in the first book because of her depression and everything else along with losing her best friend. But it just doesn’t feel like that’s all she’s going to go through. I think since Bryce doesn’t have as much trauma as Feyre or Aelin, it makes people like her less because there’s not enough to back her actions up. ANYWAYS I KNOW I KEEP LOSING MY POINT…but what I’m trying to say is although Bryce has gone through heavy stuff, I think she has GOT to be in for a lot more trauma in order to live up to the character development and expectations we all have. I THINK Bryce will lose her mate. Which sounds crazy, because Bryce lost her best friend and it took 2 years to pull herself out of it. Losing her mate would be devastating, but with ruhn saying she should be queen, and the whole asteri mess, I think she will have to pull through and win the war FOR hunt. I don’t know, and I haven’t done enough deep diving into Easter eggs in each book, but I just finished HOSAB today and SO MANY THOUGHTS CROSSED MY MIND. I plan to reread all her books and pull out Easter eggs to help come up with a more solid theory to how things will work out ( and how this crossover will workout)

Speaking of the crossover, I feel weird because I like Feyre more then Bryce, so it’s like, UGHH that I’m reading from Bryce’s point of view. I’d LOVE to see how the inner circle is dealing with the situation. But that brings out another point that people made, that ACOTAR characters will kinda overshadow CC’s story. I do think it’s awesome that the crossover happened because across all three books there has been world walkers(idk if that’s the official name or not but that’s what I call the beings that travel to different worlds), and it’s great that the books are in the same universe, I think it could be amazing if she intertwined all three books into this dope war between the asteri and the three worlds we came to love (and also Hel). It all depends on how she approaches it. I’m confident in her abilities to write this story beautifully, but she’s walking a very dangerous path in regards to how she exactly brings acotar and tog into CC

Anyways that’s all I’m gonna say right know, my mind is all over the place but if you made it this far then please lmk what your theories are, and please fact check me too because I’m going to do research on the books to come up with a solid theory on everything.

❗️And as for the relationship comparison at the beginning^ bottom line is that I think Bryce and hunts relationship got flat because I think she will lose her mate, so maybe her relationship isn’t supposed to be as deep as the other two books, because Bryce’s story doesn’t finish with a mate. Maybe Bryce’s story is about freeing the worlds from the Asteri, losing her best friend and mate in the process, but bringing peace back to her world and others. Who knows though? Maybe it’s a long shot but it’s an interesting theory. She’s always commented how she doesn’t need a male and is and independent baddie, maybe that’s a hit that she will truly not have a male by the time the series ends.

Okay I’m done for real this time, but let me know what you guys think

#acotar #sjm books #sjmass #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #a court of silver flames #a court of frost and starlight #throne of glass #crescent city #crescent city 2 #sjm theories

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pbandjesse · 9 months

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My allergies are making me feel very unwell right now. I'm hoping my meds start working soon because I took them over an hour ago and still nothing. I very much just want to sleep.

But there is much to talk about. Last night after I finished my post I made the mini cinnamon rolls and then jokingly got mad at James for moving the orange soda I left on the coffee table for two hours. Saying I was just coming back for it. And then we got into our off brand Lego flowers and sat down to watch the wedding video.

And I'll be honest, it starts alright. The b roll and shots around the monument are great. But the ceremony was framed weird and we are blocked by mics for a lot of it. And while the actual vows are filmed well, there is a lot of sound issues. And I would have liked to hear laughing from the audience more. I was glad the speeches were filmed. And I loved hearing the vows and speeches again. But I am just really disappointed in the quality of the video, the clips, the audio in parts, and the weird song choices. For some reason after the ceremony the rest is dubbed over with Rihanna. Even our first dance. I don't know why you would pick the song we actually danced to. And then it just ends with the final shot being two guests dancing that are Anne and Tucker's friends. No outro or anything. And I was just kind of bummed. I'm trying to not be upset, and I'm not falling apart like I was with the trailer. But it's not good. And I'm disappointed. In the video but also in our friend. Like we paid them more then any other vender outside of the venue and food. And it took 9 months. And it's just. Rushed at the end and not anything like I wanted. And it's just really disappointing. I am hoping James can talk to Brandon and maybe get the raw footage. Maybe I can make something closer to what I wanted. I don't really know much of editing but James does and maybe we can do something together.

We would go to bed pretty late. And neither of us really slept well. My neck hurt again when I woke up. Thankfully not as much as last week but still not good. I decided I was buying us new pillows today. Maybe that would help fix it.

When I woke up James was making me an omelet in the other room. Which was very sweet and would be a very good breakfast when I got to camp.

I got dressed and felt pretty good. My hair was kind of driving me crazy today but it was whatever. I really would like to dye it. Maybe this weekend when James is away that can be an activity for me.

But the day would be a nice one. I had a good walk this morning. Chatted with Bonnie and pet her dog Buddy. Went to see Ty and feed the goats an apple. I sat and talked with him for a while. He filled me in on petty drama and nonsense form the weekend. It was good to talk to him.

But I had to go and do my actual job. When I had gotten to work I knew the back was going to be messed up from color wars again. So I didn't go back right away and did everything else I needed to do before going and seeing what was up. And it was a mess. Materials wrecked and trash everywhere. I was very upset and felt pretty disrespected but it also just hurt my feelings. So I told the group chat just that. And reiterated that we should be leaving spaces better then we found them. It is just really frustrating.

I would get everything fixed though and after Mannie came up to see if he could help but he was to late for that. I still appreciated him asking. No one else did.

I started heading to the office and Annabelle would drive us down in the gator. Which is finally fixed. And I reminded Heather I would have to leave early next Monday. Made sure it's on the calendar. And went back to my building to wait for my group.

Who was late. All my overnights were late today. But it was fine. I was nervous about this. But everyone who loved it and it actually worked really well. A couple minutes after my first overnight came my new YLP, Anton, team and he's so good. I am almost convinced that he's Tatiana's boyfriend. But he has not said so so I will not say anything until he does. But he's very helpful. He does really want to be in the hammock which I understand and I told him he can when we don't have groups but I have him in charge of the hot glue gun station and so far no one has gotten hurt so that's good. And the kids are so creative with their puppets and that's just amazing to see.

The first two groups were girls and they made themselves and their animals and their friends and soccer players and it was just a lot of fun. And because they were so into the work I got to just sit to the side and watch them and give advice but also work on my knitting. All 144 squares are done and I'm starting to sew them together. I have five rows completed. I am making great time.

Lunch came pretty quickly and I wasn't going to go down. I had Left some of my omelette because I wasn't sure if lunch would be any good. But then Celia let me know that it was spaghetti so I would head down and got the biggest bowl possible for some reason. But it was still good. I didn't eat it all but it was a nice pass to even if the sauce was a little boring. I wish that there had been bread. But that's okay.

The afternoon groups also did a really good job. The first day camp group was a little more cautious about the hot glue but still seem to have a really good time and Anton did a really excellent job with them. He has a very good energy for the kids. He's 16 and he was trying his best and I really appreciate that.

Then we had our little break and I would lay outside and he laid inside and then we had bontkirchen.

And they did fine. They did string bracelets and two of them did metal casting. And I really only had a problem with one child who was also their last week wasting paint again. Because even though I told him please only pour as you go she keeps making entire pallets with all the colors and then only using like two of them and wasting all that pain it's so annoying. Stop wasting my paint! I keep telling you I don't have that much. So I had to talk to her counselor because her counselor also wanted to paint and I was like could you just share paint with her please. And that helped make me feel a little bit better about it. But then afterwards I leaned on the painted wood that the counselor made and got paid on my new dress. And it's fine I'm going to get paint on my clothing but it was just like seriously. Another thing I have to deal with with paint???!!

But I got over it pretty fast. We had our last day camp group and they were excellent. I really love day camp 10 and Trista is such a good counselor and really I just enjoy sitting and talking to her. And I really enjoyed sitting and talking to the kids as well. This was a solid group and I had a lot of fun with them.

For the last like 10-15 minutes of that hour I went inside to examine some things that Alicia, one of the counselors who was doing the Camp award and needed a service hour, sorting for me. One of my under cabinets is absolutely filed with plaster slip molds. And I have never taken them out or looked at them. And so she took them out and cataloged what they were and that was amazing. I chose half of them I thought we could reasonably do. Some are form the 1960s! And we, we being me, Anton, Alicia, and Louisa, would experiment with mixing plaster and using rubber bands to hold the molds. We ended duo with a radish, a ball, and a piece of corn. And I'm thrilled. This is going to be so much fun. I have no idea what I will do with them but ime excited to see what we can make.

We would clean up pretty fast. And I would spend a few minutes showing Louisa how to sew a whip stitch. And then I said goodbye to everyone.

I finished putting some stuff away while I talked to Louisa about how pillows are to expensive and then it was time to go.

I was not in a rush at all. And didn't mind waiting for Dachelle in the gator to give out snacks to the day campers by the pool. Even if I couldn't convince her to give me a rice krispie too.

Then I was heading to Marshalls. Where I found 4 pillows for less then what I had budgeted for two. And they are quoted and very soft. I got one thinner and one thicker for variety. I hope it helps my neck.

I also tried on some clothes. And got a black dress with a flattering front panel. It's like a corset triangle without the corset. Very pretty while still being really simple.

And then I went to pay. And found my wallet was not in my bag and I panicked.

The girl was really nice and made a note to hold the stuff for me. And I went to the car to see if it was there but no luck so I called James.

And they found it at home in my fanny pack. Which is the bag I used yesterday. I felt really stupid and upset with myself. But James talked me through adding my discover card to my Google wallet so I could pay with my phone. Which was really neat. I had to wait in line for a little but that was fine and I was able to pay. And then get rid of Google wallet form my phone because I don't want that. Feels unsafe. And then went home.

It took a while to get home. And I spilled lemonade on myself. So I was a little unhappy when I got back. But James was there. And sweetp was there. And things would be okay.

I took a quick shower and got changed and then we headed out. We were going to go to the brewery for dinner but they aren't open on Monday so to Michaels instead.

Where we go enough and only order one thing that the girl recognized us and was like. The usual? I've never had a usual before!!! So that was pretty cool. Though she gave me regular Pepsi instead of diet and James had to go ask her to swap it out and I felt bad. But the food was good and it was nice talking to my love and I felt good. I felt a lot better then I had.

After dinner James asked if I wanted ice cream but the line was to long and I didn't actually want ice cream I just wanted to spend time with them. So we didn't get any and went home instead.

When we got home we hung out. I laid in bed and enjoyed the new pillows. Eventually I would make more of the cinnamon rolls, called snail rolls, and when they were in the oven I asked James to watch them while I took a longer shower to hopefully help with the allergies that popped up when we got home.

And now we are in bed. Sweetp is here and seems to be in a much better mood. More cuddly. I am glad. I love him so much. And I love my James. And I hope we sleep better tonight.

Tomorrow I am hoping to feel good. Little to no neck pain. No wrist pain, which has subsided since I hit myself with the book but may be coming back, and I hope the weather is as nice as it was today.

I also hope to stay over. We might ride horses. And I am just looking forward to a good time. I hope you all have a good time too. Sleep well my friends. Goodnight

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blysse-and-blunder · 2 years

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in lieu of the dog days of summer

monday, aug 22, 2022

on my phone again in the hopes it’ll help me preserve (some) brevity! it has not worked! vague but important spoilers below for winter’s orbit (and a little for the left hand of darkness). it’s been a while, actually, since a summer of mine has had real, actual dog days—it requires a combination of heat, breathlessness, and a feeling like time has suspended which is actually quite hard to get, as an adult. you’d think the last two years would have but, for me anyway, not really? anyway, i think we finally got there this weekend—neat. dry grass, bright days, breathlessness. thunder woke me at 2am last night, and it’s been raining on and off all day, at last, at last. i think i’m calmer than I have been in…weeks.

reading it’s been a week+ (a summer, maybe) of space operas. listening to murderbot 4 network effect any time i’m on public transit (and thinking abt how tuning in and out of the events in the audio book while commuting is a bit like having them all coming to me in a feed, actually), got 80% of the way into a memory called empire before the loan expired and i was so so bereft that i’ve turned around and started rereading ancillary justice (fascinating to pair with murderbot, i should talk about that next time). we’re talking empire, we’re talking what it means to be colonized, human- and person-ness, we’re talking gender, and cool info tech, and more political machinations and unpronounceable names than you can shake a stick at. but today’s post is for everina maxwell’s winter’s orbit, since that’s what i actually finished most recently. very good experience, i found it immediately engaging, a good mix of all the above Space Opera Themes with then lots of small touches of humor and genuine fun romance to stand out. i saw a blurb describing this as red, white, and royal blue plus imperial radch, but honestly i think it reads better as its own thing, or at most as a love letter to the left hand of darkness. (it’s not as anthropological or poetic, but there is Gender, there’s negotiations abt joining an echumen-esque galactic alliance, there’s a winter camping trip. winter’s orbit is for people who really wanted genly and estraven to get it on in that tent). is an arranged political marriage tropey as hell? yeah! did i have fun with the miscommunication and unreliable narrators? yeah! was this also one of the most searing portrayals of spousal abuse i’ve ever read? yeah. you can see it immediately if you know what to look for, the details are peppered in very intelligently. we hear the term gaslighting thrown around quite loosely these days— that’s not how i’m using it. i mean quite seriously, it’s clear through flashbacks that a character has previously been made to second guess their own perceptions by their spouse, has had their communications with friends and family shut off, privacy invaded, sense of self eroded, been shamed, manipulated, and taught to anticipate outbursts and apologizes to avoid them, and is an unreliable narrator in part because of negative self-talk learned through abuse. it’s heartbreaking. but there’s a journey of healing started, and watching the other protagonist’s righteous fury was very satisfying. also getting to destroy his own evil ex (even in a hallucination scenario) helped.

listening been spending a lot of time with my spot of fy top songs of 2021 playlist. you know how you sometimes scroll your own blog to bask in your own good taste? a bit like that. it’s also very funny, bc there are songs on there i one thousand percent have barely heard once—i guess they have to algorithmically pad it out to reach 100 songs for weirdos like me. anyway, here’s dom fera’s ‘easy thing’, which grooves like a lazy sunday mid morning bop if I’ve ever heard one but has lyrics that go surprisingly hard!

youtube

watching finished up season 2 of gentleman jack with @hematiterings (including much consternation at some of the rushed, disjointed, mystifying editing in the last episode), watched some full metal alchemist: brotherhood with her, @pep-squad-lizzie and @dimir-charmer, and finally started ‘Turning Red’ for myself! only about halfway through it, and so far the toronto details are my favorite. local friends please weigh in, but it seems like it must be fun to watch if you grew up here. i have also watched another episode of oath of love, bringing me up to 12 i think? @witcheryen they just surprised gu wei with the house warming (bet he haaaaated that) and lzx saw the hot female doctor at his window. gasp.

playing still on my stardew bullshit—more cut scenes with more characters has been really lovely, and leah gave me her statue! i have also purchased a cow and named her marigold ☺️ then tonight, got to play some more ‘it takes two’ with my xbox buddy; i have liked each level of this thing more (we’re done with the squirrels and wasps now and have reached the space-faring baboon!! the scenery is so starry and beautiful!) and have still got to hold myself back from shouting at the dialogue.

making repotted my poor fucking nasturtium, which had been gnawed off at the stem by a squirrel again. it has put out some root hairs after sitting in water for a few days, so it’s back in soil to see if it can actually pull through, but i haven’t much hope. meanwhile, the rest of the garden is starting to really produce!

working on anyone besides me not notice we’d skipped this section last week XD. which is hilarious bc I do think about work almost constantly, however it is depressing so a break isn’t a bad thing. still, as a small check-in, I’ve more or less reframed my chapter plans in my head (‘offering a reading rather than a definition; this isn’t a lexicographical project’) and now just get to explain and justify those to my supervisor on wednesday. still reading this welsh article, as part of getting extra tutoring yn gymraeg. he was very nice to me last week, which is good bc one word conversational gambits still seem to be my limit. oh, and the post doc / publication chat i had with a supportive prof last week thoroughly shook me. everything’s dandy.

#ilcb #in lieu of a commonplace book #weekly roundup

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bergens-adventure-tours · 1 year

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Week 5: March 13th – 19th, 2023 // I Want vs I Should

A common theme of discussions this week was “doing things because you want to and not because you should.”

My first day of this week is probably in my top 5 favourite days of this trip so far. I woke up to a beautiful morning on Friendlies Beach, the white sand dusted by a pink hue of the rising sun, eating breakfast and practicing yoga as I listened to the rolling waves of the ocean. I finished the book “The Happiest Man on Earth” by Eddie Jaku, which is equally sad and inspiring. I did a solo hike up Mount Amos and filled up my water supply. It was my decision to go back to Friendlies beach for the night which I think just wrapped up this day SO beautifully! My plans were to make a 3-hour drive to Port Arthurs, but I just wasn’t sure where I’d be sleeping that night, didn’t want to risk being stuck on the side of the road somewhere, Friendlies beach was only 20min out of the way – and honestly, I just didn’t want to nor did I feel like driving a long way that night. So I didn’t.

I ended up back at the same spot I nabbed the night before, and turns out a NSW local bike-packing around Australia was setting up a tent, and a couple from the UK had been promised the site by the park manager earlier that day too. So naturally, we all ended up sharing the spot and had such a wonderful night chatting, watching the stars, sharing stories and tea together. We then spent the morning watching the sun rise together, and the boys went for a morning swim. We were all 23/24 years old and immediately felt so comfortable with one another. Making plans to meet up once our paths crossed again on the mainland.

Tuesday I initially planned to get to Fortescue Bay early so I could hike to Cape Hauy that afternoon, but along my drive I felt no need to rush anything, or get anywhere by any specific time. So I made many beach stops, wrote last weeks blog post, grabbed snacks and gas, and reminded myself that this trip is for me and no one else. The best part about solo travelling is that you don’t have to coordinate with others or make compromises on when and where you want to be. Your plans are allowed to flow as the day moves and change as you feel is needed. I didn’t have the energy to hike that day. So I didn’t.

I spent the evening making dinner, watching the possums and wallabies’, reading for hours, eating on the beach, and hanging out in my tent. Which was also a bit of a reflection moment – the camp no longer had car camping spots available and technically wouldn’t allow me to sleep in the van in the parking lot, so I took this as an opportunity to remind myself that it’s important to have moments of discomfort.

With all the hiking + staying in the van, I’ve honestly become somewhat worried that I’ll become attached to the comfort and not got out and experience some backpacking during my travels. Backpacking had become such a favourite way for me to explore back home -- being so fortunate enough to live in such a beautiful province with endless mountain-scapes to explore -- that I wanted to explore Australia in the same way. Sleeping in the tent was a nice little reminder to how much I love it, even though it’s nowhere near as comfortable as my van mattress…

The next morning, I had amazing weather and I made sure to get up nice and early to hike Cape Hauy and avoid most of the crowds. I was incredibly successful – there was no one on the trail on the way up AND I got to read at the peak for at least an hour uninterrupted. If there’s any one way to read a book (second to laying on a beach), it’s on a mountain peak with panoramic views and the warm sun shining down on you… Made a friend with a solo traveller from Maine and we spent the afternoon hiking out together, going for a swim, laying on the beach, and sharing our thoughts and lessons on doing things/being on your own, and coming back to the idea that there is nothing you “should” be doing, but rather learning how to focus on what you “want” to be doing.

I set up camp next to the water on a quiet street, where I finished another book, and ate toast + chocolate for dinner. I didn’t feel like cooking. So I didn’t.

Thursday morning, I was feeling quite slow – it was a cloudy turned rainy day, I felt tired from so much socializing and hiking + climbing the past week, and honestly, my brain+body just wanted a day to reset. I drove out to Cape Raoul with the intentions of completing the 15km hike, but every time I got out of the car to begin the trail, I’d realized I’d forgotten the parks pass, or couldn’t remember if I locked the car, or had to use the bathroom, or had to unload all the rain gear. I think I walked back 4 times after getting 5minutes away, and by the 4th time, the sky opened up and the rain POURED down. I crawled into the van feeling a bit defeated, and decided to accept that hiking the trail just wasn’t something I wanted to do that day anymore. So I didn’t.

Instead, I played guitar in the parking lot for an hour, laid and stared at nothing while contemplating these thoughts, and then made the drive back to Hobart, where I napped outside of Fitzy Castle (Alissa, Annie + Sam’s House name) for a few hours, before joining the house for a delicious lasagna dinner shared with another house of friends visiting for the evening. It wasn’t how I expected the day to go, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed it to be.

Friday the slow feeling continued – I made many attempts to work on things I felt I should be doing, like editing photos, fixing last week’s blog post, answering messages, starting this week’s post, measuring the van, buying materials, etc. But I just couldn’t. So, again, I didn’t. I sat with the slow feelings, and moved at a pace my mind and body needed and could manage. I had plans to go for a climb and a yoga class that evening that I really wanted to go to, and I knew that if I really wanted to go, I was going to need to listen to what I needed first. I ended up having a lovely time with Annie and Alissa’s other fellow Canadian friend, Leah – worked through some challenging routes, didn’t feel as strong or in-tuned with myself this session, but that was okay. I wanted to be there, and I got there, and to me that was all that mattered. I showed up for myself, and did what I was able to do.

Saturday and Sunday were incredibly fun and productive days! I tackled a huge part of my to-do list on the Saturday, getting all the building materials I needed for my van renos happening the next day, took myself out for lunch to Veg Bar (which has easily become my new favourite [Vegan] restaurant of all time), had a couple calls with some friends I hadn’t spoken with in a long while, cut Sam’s hair, and made dinner w/Sam+Annie. Sunday I initially only had plans to start van renos in the afternoon, but ended up going for a 2 hour climb with Sam L+Sam M+Annie and wandering the Mayfair Market, having lunch in the park and enjoying the wonderful food and sun!

The afternoon was also so successful. I brought SUPER basic plans to Rhys (stranger now friend who is helping me with my van reno’s) for the van, just to make organization a bit easier and to avoid taking too much of his time. But he was such a gem and got super stoked about tackling an even bigger (still manageable) and more exciting reno. Got to learn how to use a table saw, drew up plans and measurements, and to say I’m stoked with the upcoming “rebuild” is an understatement. It’s going to make this van function so much more smoothly and I can’t wait to show the end results in a couple weeks!

With all the things that I didn’t end up doing, I internally battled with myself for sometimes HOURS over what I “should” be doing. I “should” be trying to cover as much ground as I can with the limited time I have in this place; I “should” be getting out and accomplishing something physical like a hike; I “should” be making a proper dinner; I “should” be getting out of the van to explore because I made the trip there; so many “I shoulds” when really I should’ve just been focusing on the “wants,” because it’s the wants that you accomplish or act on that actually end up being the more memorable experiences. And in reality, who are the “shoulds” even for? When you put yourself into such a foreign or new experience, like travelling a new country on your own, you’re naturally going to be in a lot of uncomfortable positions, and the idea is to make is as enjoyable and memorable as you possibly can. If you get too caught up in the “shoulds,” you can easily forget the reasons why you started these journeys in the first place.

Now it’s different if you’re for example working towards running a marathon. If you really WANT to accomplish this goal, then you absolutely SHOULD be getting out for regular runs in order to set you up for success. But you need that “want,” that drive, that reason why you started in the first place to help move you through these shoulds that are actually necessary.

In summary, live your life for you. Live your life doing the things you WANT to do, because they make you feel good, empowered, whole, inspired, and excited about life. Because really, who do the “shoulds” without the connected desire, benefit in the end?

I also want to acknowledge how important it is to honour how you’re feeling in these moments of identifying what you want vs what you should. Knowing that you don’t always have to be showing up 100% to everything. You’re allowed to show up at 55% capacity and take your time through things that may normally be easy for you. The important part is that you listened to what you needed, and you showed up in whatever capacity you could.

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

03/19/2023

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