#also note to self overlay is your best friend | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saturnsbabyboii · 9 months

Text

🌑New Moon in Leo Forcast🌑

(August 16th, 2023)

(I will generally talk about the Ascendant but check for Sun and Moon as well)

(Another note I do also recommend for people with signs overlays through the houses to read this through the Placidus system and the whole system to get a better idea)

Please take what resonates

Aries: You'll find a new appreciation of life through a hobby or a flash bulb sparking a creative endeavor. New Moon Leo in the 5th house is all about the greener side of the grass. You might've been feeling burned out for a while, or depending on the natal chart in aspect to the new moon transit, have been emotionally distant from the characteristics of Aries. Now you'll find a sense of fervor trickling for things you love coming back again to you, so go out there and live your best life!

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 5th house, a habit of overindulgence or a toxic social scene is being addressed. The juvenile emotional cycle is being brought forward with the new moon, although it would take time to resolve, you'll be able to start the first steps to move on from such habits and/or environments. Monetarily, don't push your luck with something, take a gamble with something but be advised that with Lilith the results would be exaggerated, performing on a stage or attending a performance.

Taurus: With the presence of New Moon Leo in your 4th house you may have been distant from others, feeling out of place, guarded. Your health and mental well-being have been suffering for a while. Your continuous cycle of isolation and self-sabotaging will be unveiled to you as New Moon Leo squaring your Uranus in your 1st house will shift your heart to the right place. You'll take those baby steps back into society, starting with your private and close home environment of the 4th house. The New Moon Leo in the 4th suggests a new set of boundaries and authenticity will come with emergence. You may not be ready to "break out and go clubbing" kind of ready but, nonetheless, you'll reconnect with those closest to you and your surrounding with a fresher emotional state.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 4th house, a hard conversation with a family member or loved one will be made. A secret or karmic debt may be revealed within your home or about someone close to you. This revelation will ultimately set you with a new mindset on how you view or feel about someone. Monetarily, there could be a difficult move from your home, whether yourself or someone close to you, distancing from the family, or leaving your childhood home or a place you had many good memories living in. A sweet yet bitter departure.

Gemini: Your head feels darker around this time. New Moon Leo in your 3rd house can grow an unrealistic sense of resentment towards others. You may feel left out and uncared for. The New Moon is in Square to Uranus in the 12th house bringing illusions, and worst-case scenario thinking and getting you to fill in the blanks through unrealistic thinking. Don't make any rash decisions or say anything without thought. This aspect is giving you major FOMO and you're starting to feel on edge. It's important this time to stay positive and remember the good times you have with your friends instead of growing bitter. Be honest with how you feel but mind your words so you won't come off cruel. Your emotions may get the best of you, as such doing something you love to do or any act of self-care will help you exponentially.

With Lilith in conjunction to New Moon Leo in your 3rd house, beware of what you say, your words hold greater weight this time and you may say things you don't mean to say. Talking about heavy feelings is easier this time but make sure not to trauma dump or overshare, and if you do, be careful of who the person is. Transit Lilith in the 3rd house also suggests an untrue friend or someone from your constant surroundings (home, work, school, etc) doesn't have your best interest at heart, pairing it with the New Moon in Leo, their schemes will fail, and will be revealed to you by someone else. Monetarily, be careful while driving during this time. An incident of road rage may occur and it could cause an accident, car problems, or construction in the neighborhood, your usual way to and from somewhere you regularly short-travel to may go under construction for a while.

Cancer: You're experiencing burnout. You've been working hard for a long time and now with New Moon Leo in your 2nd house, you feel the need to escape into solitude and quiet. With the New Moon Squaring Uranus in your 11th house, people have been depending on you a lot to generate money or to create something new to generate income. You could be a business owner or someone that is heavily depended on to make sure everything remains stable and secure. You're being pulled and pushed in all different directions and now it's a snap! This snap would be quiet on your part, as you may simply decide to step back into your own zone and leave all the "above and beyond" you have done to turn into the "bare minimum" and that is okay, it's what you need right now. New Moon Leo in your 2nd house desires comfort and enjoying all the hard work you've done alone. No spotlight sharing! It's okay to pat yourself on the back, congratulate yourself and say "I did that".

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 2nd house, you may have feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Don't try to overextend yourself to others all the time to feel valued or wanted, because you already are. New Moon Leo here is challenging Lilith's whispers of self undoing. Don't fall back into old habits of overindulgence or dependency, you have come a long way of fighting demons. Let your inner light banish those demons. Monetarily, the time on a loan or a debt is up and it's time to collect, someone that owes you money may not plan on giving back, an argument over money and finances, or someone may steal something valuable of yours out of jealousy or spite.

Leo: "New phone who dis?" That is the energy New Moon Leo in the 1st house is going to give. A newfound sense of identity, a change of heart, taking a different trajectory towards life. This is exasperated by the New Moon's Square aspect to Uranus in your 10th house. You may take on a new career, a new persona, or you may even change your name. Your heart is taking center stage this time and you want to live authentically and unapologetically as yourself. This could include any new major change that affects your person, be it plastic surgery, trying out a new style, a tattoo, getting a buzzcut, coming out, etc.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 1st house, you may try something risky or initiate a risky act. Something that you would've never done before will have an appeal to it. You may draw yourself people that are involved in risky or even taboo things. Monetarily, "out with the old and in with the new", new wardrobe, wearing something sultry and revealing, heightened sensuality, flirting for game, taking breaths away, an exciting night out or an eventful night in.

Virgo: As the New Moon Leo enters your 12th house, a vortex of delusions will start. Supported by the Square aspect between the New Moon and Uranus in your 9th house, everything that you know seems foreign. Your ideals, your beliefs, and the connection between you and the world around you all start to melt away. You may have been feeling lost or stuck in a maze made of mirrors. The challenges of the square will put your knowledge and faith to the test. You may emerge spiritual or religious, and maybe you'll become an atheist, either way, you will embark on a new journey that'll have you undergo a period of self-unbecoming to reach the next chapter. For some, this journey is academic or related to your profession. Perhaps you will start going to university or an institution of higher education of some sort. For others, this journey would be symbolic in the sense that it is transcending or you may start counseling or going to therapy. Mental health and hidden trauma could also be unpacked here with the New Moon as a fresh and raw emotional state.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 12th house, the illusionaries of the 12th are pugnant. Beware of constant rumination as Lilith here is confusing your temporary feelings for permanent states of being. The Square aspect with Uranus in the 9th house eludes to hidden enemies that are older or more knowledgeable than you. There's also the possibility of shady dealings with an older gentleman or someone that is considered a fatherly figure or mentor. Monetarily, there could be an indication of urgent travel to another country, traveling for mental health reasons, traveling for study, abrupt cultural changes, disheartening religious experience, or embarking on a soul-searching journey.

Libra: New Moon Leo in your 11th house will bring changes to your social life. You may find a group that gives you a new sense of belonging or that you share similar interests. The Square aspect between this New Moon and Uranus in your 8th house suggests breaking out of the mold and bounds that you're currently in. You may find yourself a part of an underground group. With the energy of Leo, this group is quite theatrical or visually taboo and risqué. You might join a biker gang, do drag, enter a coven, or join a cult. In any way, you'll find your tribe that defies the norm and you're able to be authentic.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 11th house, there will be an uncovering of a betrayal within your current social circle. Although this betrayal is not about you personally, you will become a witness to it and become emotionally affected. As Uranus in the 8th is in the Square aspect to the 11th, this betrayal has some sort of cheating, whether in a relationship or money. In the most extreme cases, violence and assault could occur. Monetarily, change of social dynamics, money loss, witnessing a betrayal, joining a new group with familial-like or occult bonds, losing innocence, and muddled boundaries with a friend.

Scorpio: As the New Moon Leo enters your 10th house you'll develop a new identity or attitude. Your work or something you have created will be showcased or pushed onto centerstage, this could be literally for some. However, with Lilith in the 10 and Uranus in the 7th Squaring, the house of partnership is at odds with the house of public image and career. This newfound attention could stir up jealousy from a coworker or partner. Watch out as someone could publicly try to humiliate you or defame you. However, their attempts would be futile as you'll receive the recognition you deserve.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 10th house and depending on the aspect made to your MC, you could abruptly decide to leave your work because of the behavior of a coworker, you could also decide to go on to create your own venture. For some, you may be put at a crossroads with a partner where your relationship is at odds with your career.

Sagittarius: New Moon Leo in your 9th house suggests attaining a new skill or having a newfound passion for something. As the New Moon makes a Square aspect to Uranus in your 6th house this passion could be related to your health or daily routine. You could be starting to take on a new sport or in contrast cut out unhealthy activities. Mental health-wise, you may start to take a holistic method of improving it, which could be through art or studies. You also may dabble in some drug usage. For some, you could become especially obsessed with certain topics or activities to the point that it is affecting your health.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 9th house, you may start taking a keen interest in studying occult subjects such as witchcraft or astrology. Other subjects could include death, spirituality, religion, philosophy, other cultures, or a new language.

Capricorn: Your shadow work will bring to you many revelations under this phase of the moon. New Moon Leo in your 8th house is all about the difficult work that needs to be done and the hard conversations that need to be had. For some, the Square aspect between this New Moon and Uranus in your 5th house suggests that this could be revealed through or about a child or a lover. There is an indication with Uranus that this work or conversation would be through a an artistic discourse, could be a journal, a picture, video or a drawing. For others, Uranus here suggests a creative endeavor that is centered around the dark themes of life. If you're a writer or an artists this is a good indication to showcase or work on this art as it will be received better under this New Moon and you'll be able to channel it freely.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 8th house, you may experience paranoia and become distrustful of others. Lilith here is activated by the New Moon and Uranus in the 5th, and it's giving you false information about others and how they feel about you. You might be torn between gut feeling and false messages. Stay grounded, don't act without thought, even with reason or proof. Monetarily, there's an indication of plagiarism of likeness, creative fraud, breaking into someone's phone or journal, losing sleep because of paranoid thoughts, getting over someone by getting under someone else.

Aquarius: The New Moon in Leo entering your 7th house will trigger the position of your relationship with someone close to, whether romantic or platonic. Uranus in the 4th house making a Square aspect to the New Moon in the 7th suggests that you have been harboring feelings of neglect, resentment or irritation in private but now it's going to be dealt with. In the matter of relationships, this could be a test to see the strength of your bond. The level of closeness between you have widened and perhaps you may not feel comfortble about opening up or in being vaulrnable with this person. This could also be a matter of discussing the future of a relationships if it is romantic. For others this could be a legal matter that you have been dealing with privatly or that it regards your home or someone in your family.

With Lilith in conjunction with New Moon Leo in your 7th house, you're experiencing doubt and starting to second guess your relationships. As Uranus in the 4th make a Square aspect, you may have been reassessing those relationships in private, extending your boundaries and receding. Monetarily, the 7th house deals with the matters of legality and contracts, custody battle, inheritance dispute, foreclosure, marriage and divorce, moving forward or moving apart.

Pisces: With New Moon Leo transiting your 6th house there's a focus on your health. During this period you may experince a migrain, get a fever or catch a cold. Paired with the Square aspect made by Uranus in your 3rd house you may lose your voice, feel foggy or generally under the weather. You also might be recieving some kind of test resualts, be it health related or not. The 3rd house also suggets a trip to a clinic, hospital or any medical/health related facility. For some, this could also be an indication of starting to work in a new you place where you might feel off or that you don't belong. Perhaps you find it difficult to communicate or integrate into the already existing rhythem of things.

With Lilith in conjunction to New Moon Leo in your 6th house, you may feel stressed and very overwhelmed. This will have an effect on your health, so be sure to check your blood pressure and take any medicine or supplements you need to take. Aside from health matters, you may forget an important date or will need to follow up on something regarding paperwork, admission, files or a schedule. Perhaps an email needs to be sent or checked, a phone call to be made, or a document to be prepared.

-Overall this New Moon in Leo is urging us to take care of ourselves and do what needs to be done no matter how difficult it may be. This energy promises us to be bestowed with radiance after the darkness. Trick is we just need to have faith in ourselves, remain true, and put hearts forward purely and everything else will be taken care of.

#astrology #astro observations #astro notes #astrology notes #astrology observations #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #new moon #new moon in leo

234 notes · View notes

wrestlezon · 2 years

Text

liveblog containment post for aew rampage 5/27/22

i was out and about for lunch when it was live and then took a big nap

matt sydal vs bryan danielson! cool wrestlers alert dang matt sydal's gear looks good. nice outfit. its got a good balance of negative space. great design. note to self: insert pic later

see look! its good

ok that bit with danielson on his knees? yoooo

also? im glad sydal's hair isnt wet. im going to have to send an important update about this to my friend who is a lapsed wrestlefan man i never understand how sydal can do a standing backflip and then end up facing the way he faces at the end of it. acrobat heck yes!!! flip onto your feet!!! oh shit!!! the jumping roundhouse kick thing into getting caught into flipping danielson down?? heck yes me watching matt sydal and bryan danielson standing on top of the ring corner: gay sex is so complicated reverse powerbomb :O cool match but also rip

ooooo danhausen and hook recap promo

what the, what are the hardy boyz doing here LMFAO OH MY GOD? GANGREL??? OH MY GOD THE MATT FACTS? THE OVERLAY???? INCREDIBLE good shade being thrown omg??? not gangrel!!! he doesn't deserve this violence!!!!!!! yay the hardy boyz are here cutler the bump boy ok i really hope gangrel was talking to the hardy boyz like "oh i thought they were you. i got confused"

theyre adding MORE matches to the ppv? now we got darby vs kyle o'reilly on there??? theres a billion matches already!! oh i remember something about there being a big sports game going on on sunday and tony khan not wanting to start the main event until that ends... i guess itd be easier to choose to run that match or not run the match depending on how the schedule is looking than tell everyone to dynamically adjust their match durations

max caster vs dante martin! omg caster u cant say that about darius!!! rude!!!! nooooo that isnt your job aaaa boo the gunn boys LMAO they totally missed that shot-- whoever is in charge of switchin' cameras mustve been mid-sneeze or somethin glad they had the instant replay set up tho what a sick move by dante dude im always surprised at how big max caster is. every time what is it about him that makes his size deceiving... does he just not hold himself like a big guy? is his head too big proportionally to the rest of his body? does he just have short and stout legs unlike most tall guys who are, like, 75% leg??? what IS it he lost and my friend yelled in anger. sorry your boy cant win matches on tv. welcome to my world

samoa joe vs adam cole promo I Do Not Want Adam Cole To Win This least controversial opinion ever, probably. but still

DAN LAMBERT ALERT 😑😣 oh look scorpio sky got his lakers belt oh looks like they didnt forget about the second tnt belt ... yeah sure have disrespectful sloppy sex on all the championship belts. hate this i think kazarian being exasperated with them is funny but it can't make up for the rest of this

ruby vs statlander promo! look-- i dont think statlander, who was a sudden emergency replacement for the tournament, is going to win this. even though she should. she really should get something, because she rules. this promo almost convinces me that she could have a chance of winning this match though also?? ALL your friends betraying-- statlander the best friends never betrayed you. wh-- why. first youre not an alien and now this. if i didnt see chuck wearing his aloha walter shirt on tv i would think they were trying to retcon the best friends from television existence. im not going to turn into a catastrophizing wrestlefan but what about my favorite stable HUH? WHAT ABOUT THEM

THAT SCORPIO SKY TAG IS ON THE PPV TOO?????? ARE THERE THIRTEEN MATCHES ON THIS NOW OR WHAT

struggling to appreciate this ruby vs kris match because im still worked up about gimmicks where are the goofball women. where are they. where are the joshis why they are not around. jade is a mean buff strong lady, must we have two mean buff strong ladies and zero goofballs? bring back the joshis whoa-- are they really gonna make statlander win this? no they-- no they wouldn't design the tournament to be won by an emergency replacement ok there it is jesus the boos. like yeah i agree but still damn they should not have put statlander here in a bit part to lose, shes too popular. but like, i guess they kinda got caught between a rock and a hard place, because its like "oh we have an open spot here that we need to fill immediately-- who is available? who is good? who is popular?" and statlander checks all those boxes. but maybe they have other plans for her? like, if they want her to go and get jade's title or thunder rosa's title later, they would want to diversify their title allocation across different wrestlers right? so... patience? i dunno. i feel like kris statlander has such a bad run of luck because like, man. that velvet/hirsch/statlander feud never gettin an ending or resolution...

#talkzon

1 note · View note

hedonicghost · 2 years

Note

Your colors are so vibrant sometimes it feels like I can step into another world just by looking at your art... I'd love to be able to make other people feel like that one day. Do you have any advice for an artist who's just starting out?

!!!!! this is genuinely the highest compliment we've ever received on our art, thank you so much!!!

as for advice, i'm not sure we have much that would be useful! we're primarily self taught, so most everything we know is just from trial and error! i'll put a few tips we usually rotate in our head when drawing under a cut in case it helps anyone out! it's pretty wordy and text heavy, so if you want something more condensed, just say so!!

specifically regarding colors, overlay layers are your best friend. try to make the colors match the mood of the piece! if it's more happy red/orange tones are great. sad: blue or purple tones! romantic/homey/etc we do a combo of magenta/pink and orange. we try to keep away from cyan, yellow, and green overlays, but that's just a personal taste thing! test it out and put more than one on! we usually default to red, orange, and purple for most drawings

further about colors, keeping a color wheel on hand is good. we definitely don't have complimentary colors memorized, but being able to understand basic color wheel info-graphics can help! it also helps with associating colors together (see: our ocs for kapteyn usually have some sort of relation within their color schemes to their friends, if that makes sense?)

onto more general advice for drawing: references are a god send. use them for every drawing. take your own reference photos. make your friends pose for you. take pictures of stuff you see outside and draw it later. draw from life it seriously helps. its annoying as hell to hear art profs tell you that still life is important but really it is. being able to physically see how something takes up space is different from seeing it in a photo (NOTE: always share your reference if 1] you didn't create it yourself and 2] you heavily referenced it. i personally think its okay if you only glanced at a reference on occasion, but people have different morals regarding it :P)

genuinely, trace art. if there's a style you like, trace it. if there's a coloring style you like, color pick. just DO NOT POST THOSE DRAWINGS. those are purely studies, something for yourself to look back on. never claim someone else's style as your own, but being able to know how to trace will get your mind and your hand working in a way you'll want it to later on. ideally get permission from an artist if you're going to do this, but i think if you're not sharing it amongst anyone, including your friends, it's fine.

even if you want a cartoony/anime/etc style, you'll want to try realism too. we don't like this fact. we ignore this fact. unfortunately, though, learning realism has helped our art improve. knowing where something is placed on a body will make it easier for you to stylize it. if you want to draw cartoon chickens, you'll need to know how a real chicken is laid (haha) out.

onto less art things and more... getting people to think your art has other-worldly feelings to them... i really don't know how to advise you. we struggle with this a lot, and still constantly feel as though we haven't reached this. get friends who support you and encourage you to keep creating. but you can't really... anticipate anyone outside of your immediate circle even tolerating your art. it's hard to gain any sort of following, so just try to focus on how your art makes you feel.

#✨#Anonymous #not art #i want to frame this ask on my wall tho ngl...#this means a lot to us; thank you for taking the time to send this <3

0 notes

fockinastro · 3 years

Text

astro observations pt. 7

a/n: if u believe i took your comment/observation without credit, please reach out and let me know! i have no problem including you in my post (or taking it down if u ask :))

again, opinion based & based on what i see around me so take with a grain of salt

i’ve noticed that taurus placements tend to be spiritual

this is more personal than general but most astrologers associate pluto/scorpio in the 6th to be obsessive about work and health but that’s never been the case for me

i think this placement can also manifest as having a lot of control over your health

i’ve noticed that mercury retrograde individuals may have a tendency to stutter, ramble or even circle around what they’re trying to say--it can be redundant since it’s not straight to the point and can be a little confusing to understand

mars in the 1st seem to have a natural tendency to react with anger or irritability; they can get angry easily and quickly

i think it’s underestimated how well scorpio and geminis can get along--it probably stems from the fact that they both can manifest as extremes or polarities and both can teach each other a lot of things

taurus (or any feminine sign) liliths can be anti-women which is interesting since they are feminine signs and being in lilith can create difficult relationships with other women

there’s a chance that these individuals crave male validation or they can manifest as “pick mes”

this can be said for gemini placements but gemini moons are very inconsistent in my personal experience--they are constantly changing anything and everything (it’s probs because they get bored easily and need the stimulation) but it’s like their inconsistency is the only thing that's consistent lmao

a debilitated or conflicted sun can make someone, for a lack of better words, have no personality

i think this can stem from the fact that they have nothing solid or stable enough to implement into themselves, therefore leading to a lack of sense of self

i feel like water houses (4, 8 & 12) can be tricky to work with, specifically in synastry. since these houses are emotionally geared and are a little more intense than other houses, partnerships can be difficult to deal with, especially if the individuals do not have these house influences in their natal charts

for example, a couple where each individual has a heavy water house influence can find this to be comforting and are likely to be used to this energy while a different couple where both individuals have no water houses influences, it can be uncomfortable or even too intense for the both of them

many say aries moon individuals are naturally unable to handle their emotions--while this may be the case for underdeveloped; i find that developed aries moons are very relaxed and chill (dare i say nonchalant) individuals and do not seem to have rash or “violent” emotions

an astrologer said that those with lots of capricorn/saturn influence tend to look like their fathers & honestly my best friend looks so much like her dad

same concept can apply for cancer/moon influences looking like their mother

having virgo & scorpio placements, especially in mercury and mars can highly dislike incompetence

slight TW: i've noticed that leo placements carry a lot of external insecurities and may try to fix those by becoming obsessed about how their bodies look

eg. body dysmorphia, working out a lot, etc.

this is not a direct indicator of having body dysmorphia, etc.

scorpio placements tend to have a thing with textures when eating--there can be some sort of texture sensitivity

capricorn/lilith in 8th can be really into power play

cancer placements love to be babied lowkey; they take care of others as a means of showing what/how they want someone to take care of them

i think that whatever dominant aspect you have in your chart, you’re more likely to feel/relate to those aspects

eg. square dominant might relate more to their square aspects and see it more in their personalities; trine dominants might relate more to their trine aspects and see it more in their personalities, etc

degrees of the aspect does make a difference whether it’s a tight aspect or wide

saturn in 12th is giving very alone in this lifetime vibes

i feel like virgo can have some link to your genitals

especially if you read my previous note about how virgo and scorpio were once linked

aspects, especially tight ones, to your ascendant and/or midheaven will definitely be seen when you’re around people

virgo, scorpio, sag, mars-mercury (maybe even mars-ascendant) have an abrasive way of speaking and it can come out really aggressive or the wrong way

scorpio risings can fall victim to being trauma dumped on

a fun little theory (or maybe it’s common sense): whatever your top 3 dominant planets are, in terms of synastry, you may find it difficult if your friend/partner/person has personal planets negatively aspecting one of your dominant planets (it also depends on what aspects you have fatally)

for example: someone with a dominant mercury may find it frustrating to be around someone whose personal planets squares their mercury because it can create misunderstandings

it might manifest even more strongly if it’s mercury square mercury for example because they may feel unheard/unfulfilled, especially for the mercury dominant person

it might be felt heavily for the dominant planet person because it carries a heavy influence over that person

scorpio & pisces placements tend to really be interested in fantasy; this can mean themes, movies, books, etc.

having your planets in somone’s 8th house, you’ll feel more intensely (in terms of that planet’s themes) and there’s a chance they may not feel it to the same extent as you

8th house overlays really make you spill your secrets to that person, especially if you have a bond with them (platonic or romantic)

sometimes it can manifest even if you have no relation to a person--it depends on how much 8th house influence there is

hoped y’all liked this :)

#astrology #astro notes #astrology notes #astro observations #astrology observations

531 notes · View notes

astroidology · 3 years

Text

some astrology notes ×

■ scorpio moons & Pluto in the 3rd house have a really hard time sharing personal info, if they do it means your trustworthy or they want to get something out of it. Be careful.

□ Mars in cancer can be really rough at sex so some people would consider them 'bad' at it bc of this, but it's just about preferences. But they're also givers so it's easy for them to adapt.

■ Mars in sagittarius are very sexual and is the type to flirt w everyone they meet just for fun (esp. males)

□ aries placements (venus & mars mostly) have a necessity to be liked romantically by other people (esp. females) they might not even like that person but they want to be liked asap

■ sagittarius risings have more of an oval head shape and pretty smiles. They actually enjoy being annoying lol

□ pisces moons/moon in the 7th want to be liked and accepted by others so they actually try really hard for it.

■ venus in pisces males are into 'girly girls' or just that type of "feminine" energy while Mars in pisces males prefer someone with much more energy that leads them without hesitation.

□ your best friend zodiac sign is most likely your rising/moon (conjunct or opposite) or the sign in your 11th house. Also, your 11th house talks about the role you play in your group of closest friends.

■ Gemini risings have either a really petite nose or a flat somewhat big nose.

□ leo suns/risings have lots of hair. Leo risings especially have defined (noticeable jaw) yet soft features and usually small defined lips.

■ leos are all very extroverted, if you know an introvert one it's bc they're not comfortable enough to show their true side yet.

□ aquarius is even more egocentric and self-centered than leo (as most people consider) but they have their way to people so nobody ever notices.

■ virgo moon/venus/risings can't stand not doing the right thing. They have a constant fear of not being good enough.

□ libra mars like to think of themselves as very smart and politically correct when arguing.

■ venus in taurus are very touchy especially when they have a crush on someone.

□ capricorn sun/risings tend to be very physically attractive bc they have a really good bone structure. Great proportions. You can easily tell them apart by their famous blank stare.

■ the 2nd house rules the throat & voice:

Air signs in this house tend to have more of an airy/soft/clear tone and can play with their voice with ease, so high notes are easier to reach. (Ex. Mariah Carey, Camila Cabello, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande)

Fire signs tend to have a more prominent tone, that definitely stands out for being either loud or very sweet to the ear. (Ex. Billie Eilish, Zayn Malik, Jaehyun NCT, Katy Perry)

Earth signs tend to have a voice that's stable. Low notes specially, they can just talk and it'd still sound good. (Ex. Freddy Mercury, Demi Lovato)

Water signs tend to have a whiny tone yet defined tone so it's easy for them to project emotions. (Ex. Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Harry Styles, Christina Aguilera)

□ Gemini placements are hella funny and tend to have great sense of humor as well.

■ mercury in cancer is the best listener.

□ Mars (sometimes rising) in virgo actually enjoys cleaning.

■ siblings usually have same house overlays (ex. my sister and I have venus in the 12th house), have sun-moon conjunctions (ex. Your sibling's an aquarius and your moon is in aquarius) and/or have sun-rising conjunction or sun in the 7th house.

□ cancers never miss a thing and always remember everything. It's both a blessing and a curse.

2K notes · View notes

dimonds456 · 3 years

Note

*sees your tags about being salty about suf spinel*

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT SHARE YOUR SALT /LH

Okay, but I'm warning you, you asked for it.

LONG POST WARNING.

LIKE A REALLY, REALLY LONG POST WARNING.

Dimonds456 Presents: How They Did My Baby Dirty: An SUTM and SUF Analysis on Steven and Spinel (Told by a Progressively More and More Angry Narrator)

THE CONTEXT: There was a post talking about how you think a character will fix everything, but then they wind up making it works. My tags were "#*looks at suf spinel* #I am still salty about that like the bitch I am fghdjskgfa"

Grab some water, guys.

Let's start by talking about Steven for a moment. In the original show, when we were following him as a 12-14-year-old, we watched as he built up trauma and then learned how to hide it expertly well, to the point that most of the audience didn't even realize he was struggling.

You can actually pinpoint the seconds he makes those decisions, too. The best example is in "The Test," when he's storming up to the gems. He's pissed. His fists are clenched, he's got that anime eye shadow overlay on his face, he's frowning, all that. the Crystal Gems are clapping for him and lying to his face, and he KNOWS they are because he overheard them talking about how it was "impossible for him to fail" that test (- Garnet).

And yet... he also overheard them saying that they're just trying their best. They don't know what he needs. They never really have. No one is sure. So, Steven realizes that by picking a fight, he would just be making it worse for them because they would know they messed up, and nothing gets solved, and everyone gets more depressed and Amethyst and Pearl go back to fighting each other and- well, you get the picture. He doesn't have a full understanding of what's going on, so his kid brain went "so I can either be angry at them and cause problems, or I can tell them I did a good job to make them happy."

"I can lie to make them happy."

He storms down there angry, still mulling this decision over. He drops to the floor, frowning and pissed, and says "I can't believe you guys." He is so close to yelling at them, and yet, when he looks up at them...

"That was so... INSANE!"

You never would have been able to tell. It was right there. That moment. And then he never stops. For the ENTIRE REST of the series, he NEVER STOPS. He puts the Crystal Gems above himself every time. Think Rose's Scabbard, The Message, The Return/Jailbreak. The Cluster. Peridot. Dealing with Jasper. The zoo arc (ESPECIALLY the zoo arc). Aquamarine. Then pretty much the entirety of Season 5.

(NOTE: I went back and rewatched that scene for the screenshot. There is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lip tremble in there too! D,: )

He lives for the people around him, and not for himself. Almost never for himself.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's look at his maturity. People thought that was just him being mature, right? That he grew up. No. That was not it at all. He was learning from his own behaviors as well as the people around him, and building up this idea that he had to "fight to be everything that everyone wants [him] to be when [he's] grown" (- Steven, the extended intro).

Yes, he matured, but not because of that. He started making various decisions to benefit the group that oftentimes he wasn't fully comfortable with, but something he believed would be better for everyone.

Put a pin in that.

Then, later in Future, we see it all manifest. He is selfless to a fault, to the point that he can't think of himself in a positive light in the sense that he's good. We see it a couple of times, but especially in "Prickly Pair," when he vents to Cactus Steven about everything that happened. He feels useless, which is taking a toll on his mental health.

"Why do I need to be needed?" He needs to be needed because that's everything he was as a kid. His entire IDENTITY rests on his ability to help other people, no matter what happens to him. He literally sacrificed himself for them countless times (the big one of course being the Aquamarine incident), and now as a teenager, his whole sense of self is wrapped up in this need to get up and do something to make the world better.

And when he can't make the world better, his world falls apart.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's talk about Spinel, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Spinel, as a gem, was made specifically to be a friend. That is her niche, and her purpose. Her reason for existing. At first, she and Pink Diamond got along very well, as shown in the flashbacks right before Drift Away plays (I headcanon she has illusion powers and was literally projecting her trauma, but that's a completely different post).

She and Pink vibed together for who knows how long, until one day, Pink started to not like being around Spinel anymore, finding her annoying and childish. We don't know what really caused the switch, just that it did happen (but of course, I have headcanons for that, too). Spinel never realized until it was FAR too late.

Steven actually describes his younger self as annoying at one point during the Diamond Days arc, when he decides to throw the ball, so I'm legally allowed to make this comparison.

Steven and Spinel were the SAME. They were both young and dumb, and something that at least a few people found annoying. People put up with their BS though, since they cared about them. But, while Steven realized this and matured because of it (or bottled up his emotions, to each their own), Spinel never did. She never matured. She was never given a chance.

In the movie, we saw her as a child, and watched as she played with Pink and never tried to be or do anything else, to the point that Pink Diamond thought to realize she might be struggling (and maybe Spinel didn't, either!).

She lives for the people around him, and not for herself. Almost never for herself.

And when she can't be friends with this one person, her world falls apart.

Sound familiar? It should. I literally pulled from things I said earlier lol.

Spinel and Steven are mirror reflections of each other. Reset!Spinel is 14-year-old Steven, completely devoting her entire self to one idea. Steven's was helping others no matter what, Spinel's was serving Pink no matter what. Spinel is like a combination of 14 and 12-year-old Steven in this sense, honestly. Goofy, without a care in the world, except one thing: the people around her. She would do anything for Pink, just as Steven would do anything for his family.

Now, Pink Diamond left Spinel. We all know this story. She left Spins there in the garden for 6,000 years because she grew more mature and started a rebellion, effectively forgetting about this one gem she kinda stopped caring about standing there.

Personally, I don't think Pink had any malicious or even intentional intent in that, but this ain't about her. This is about how Spinel continued to sacrifice herself for Pink, even when Pink didn't need her to anymore. She wanted to please Pink 24/7, all day every day, to the point she self-sacrificed and stood perfectly still for her for millenia.

Now, back to Steven. The gems don't need him anymore in Future, right? They've all grown up and matured and headed off towards their own futures, effectively stranding him alone in terms of self-identity and self-worth. But he stays there, ready to assist at the drop of a hat, or- in Future's case- the call of a phone.

Episode 6 anyone? The one everyone says shouldn't be in Future? That it should have been cut to allow more focus on Steven himself? The fusion episode? YEAH. THAT. He is running himself RAGGED to try and help others, to give himself a purpose. He is self-sacrificing. (He's a professional, don't worry. /j)

Steven metaphorically planted his feet down and decided that he was going to devote himself to the people around him.

Spinel's feet were literally tied down soon after she made that very same decision.

Okay, enough with the backstory. Time for the salt.

In Future, Steven is at his lowest low. He is running to the Diamonds for help, to see if there is SOMETHING they can do to help him. And we first see Spinel.

Spinel has been through the ringer on a lot of the same mental problems Steven himself is facing. She self-isolated, watched as everyone grew up and left her, and then began to lash out because of it. She understands what he's going through. We even see her concerned as Steven starts to tell her why he's there.

Spinel takes him from Diamond to Diamond, until he's running out of White's room in a blind panic. Spinel is able to catch up with him, and Steven realizes the same. SHE GETS IT. He turns around and says "Hey, you used to have vengeful thoughts!"

Spinel replies "Ohhhhh yeah, but I don't have 'em anymore."

"How did you make them stop?"

She then goes on to sing Change to him, effectively cutting that conversation short.

On paper, that sounds very in-character for her. She's goofy! And that is what worked for her! But the problem is that they had to dumb her down in order to make that character decision work. In the movie, she was shown to be observant and able to put two and two together, even if she often jumps to conclusions (see her being the one to figure out that the gems needed to remember their "pieces," as she remembers the Garden, her re-realizing what Pink did, and her meltdown later when she reactivates the injector).

Spinel is smart. It should have been in character for her to realize that Steven was panicking just as she had been, and needed to be talked to gently. But no. Instead, she starts belting out Change, which given Steven's situation, would not work for him.

At the very least, she would have started doing little tricks or started trying to get him to join a game, which would have taken his mind off of it (to her anyways, that wouldn't have worked either), which then could have prompted further discussion.

Then, once they finally start talking, Spinel could have been able to share some legitimate advise. She was hurt and lashed out. What worked for her was opening up to others and letting them in, learning to trust again (which Steven also has problems with- he can't trust that the Gems won't break down the second he turns his back. Trust does NOT equal love, there is no doubt he loves them to no end), and allowing other people in.

That is what Steven needed, too. He needed to let his guard down and just talk to someone. Sure, Spinel was not going to be a fix-all, but she could have at least offered some insight on what to do.

She UNDERSTANDS him. They are a reflection of each other.

But instead of offering help, Spinel made it worse. She was dumbed down to allow the rest of Future to happen, to make Steven feel even worse. Because- and here's the kicker- because the one person who MIGHT understand him doesn't, that means there's no hope for him.

At least, that's how he sees it. And so, the denial- and "Everything's Fine"- begins.

Here's the thing, though; they DIDN'T NEED to make that decision. If the Crew wanted to have Spinel not understand Steven, then draw the line of her being a Gem from Era 1, used to the Diamonds shattering people.

Steven has killed Jasper and revived her at this point, so maybe Spinel offers that at least he's trying to get better, just like the other Diamonds! See, they're doing so great now! And then that makes him feel worse since he IS trying to do better, but is only failing, while the Diamonds- who were MADE to be nasty dictators- are doing better than him.

The Diamonds shattered a lot of people, and they're doing better than Steven, who has only shattered one person, and not even on purpose. How horrible is that?

Then boom. THERE'S your angst, with a much smarter, more helpful Spinel.

Look, I knew going in that Spinel wasn't going to be able to help. The finale had to happen somehow, and we hadn't seen Wormy Boi yet. I have always been a storng believer of the corrupted Steven theory, so I knew it was bound to happen. But I was hoping that Spinel would at least try. But she really didn't. She just brushed him off, offering really loose advise that didn't even fit his situation and thinking that would be enough.

No. It's not.

I can see where the Crew was coming from. I still love that episode, and I love seeing Spins in it (until that exact moment). This is probably the only thing in SU that genuinely gets me mad. Or, well, maybe not mad, but definitely annoyed and- you guessed it- salty.

I have an unfinished fic where I kinda delve into Spinel's head for that episode called "A New Start". If you really want my thoughts on where Spinel's head was at, there's a bit in there that really explains it. In the fic, Steven decides to rejuvenate himself and brings Spinel along with him, and that's all the context you need for this.

I cannot explain that moment in the climax of the episode, though. Maybe she thought it would make him feel better, or that maybe he really did just need to open his eyes and see the error of his ways (which doesn't make sense, he KNOWS what he did). Maybe she thought that being silly would help somehow.

But you'd think she'd learn from her time with Pink as she grew more annoyed with her, but apparently not. Or maybe she would realize for a second that being loud and annoying was bad. Or maybe she doesn't learn.

Either way, it- and she- was dumb. And they did my baby dirty.

*drops mic and walks away*

97 notes · View notes

hugispuso-archive · 3 years

Text

hi everyone! i'm kinda late to the milestone but thank you for the 100+ followers! 💞 i'm really happy to make so much friends throughout the time i've spent in the community. so here's a celebration + raffle for y'all! apparently no one has hosted a raffle wherein the prizes are mood/stimboards and edits — so i'm here to change that! here are the rules if you plan on entering:

must be a follower! you can follow to enter but don't just unfollow after it's done.

please specify if your self ship blog is a sideblog or not! that way, i would know if you really followed.

also please specify if you're just boosting or entering!

likes don't count as an enter! 1 reblog = 1 enter. you may reblog this post twice!

anyone is allowed to enter as long as you don't fit my dni.

i will choose the winners on june 4th gmt+8 (you have two weeks to enter)!

i will dm the winners and give them 24 hours to confirm. if it exceeds the time, i will choose another candidate!

reblog and tag this with '#xelle's selling shells' if you read all the rules.

prizes:

first place — moodboard/stimboard of choice + regular edit + icons/header (can be f/o or s/i or both)

second place — moodboard of choice + icons/header (can be f/o or s/i or both)

third place — icons/header (can be f/o or s/i or both)

additional notes:

you HAVE to choose whether you want icons or headers. the same for moodboard or stimboard.

you can describe your self ship's dynamic/history so i can have a better understanding and the results may be at best!

you can also tell if you want a specific color/theme.

you can choose between detailed (usually with overlays) or simple (merely filters). [ only applicable to edits/icons/headers ]

moodboards & stimboards are typically minimalistic.

i usually do better with fandoms/medias i am familiar with (you can find those on my carrd) but i'll try my best!

i will be putting my watermark on the final products when i post them (to avoid stealing, but i doubt it lol). but i will also give the raw version to the winners through dm!

if you have any questions or inquiries, please contact me through dm or ask!

examples under the cut!

moodboards:

edits:

(simple)

(detailed)

icons:

headers:

(simple)

(detailed)

you can find examples of my stimboards under the tag #stimboards ! you can also check the rest of my concent under the tag #✏ ; oreki makes something !

the very first picture in this post (the one with xingqiu) is also considered an edit.

#xelle's selling shells: 100 follower raffle #<- that will be the tag for any posts surrounding this topic #but finally i finished it sksndjjdjd #been wanting to do this for a while i just didn't know how to get the message through #but i hope this will do ✨#long post #oreki rambles #i'll put my content tag as well so you can access it quickly #✏ ; oreki makes something

56 notes · View notes

dropofgoldensun · 3 years

Note

omg hiiiii i am here from cat (@luvdsc) wondering if you could offer any advice about college apps 🙏 especially about the uc piqs? thank you so much i hope ur doing well!!!!!!!!

yes yes hello friend !! 💝 miss cat directed you to me because i did my college apps last year !!! (yikes one year passed already?? why does that feel ages ago 🤧)

first of all, congratulations on making the decision to apply to college !! i know it’s been hard for a lot of people our age to figure out the college situation recently, so i’m proud of you for choosing to take the extra step this summer to buckle up and write those essays 💞

i’ve compiled a few tips on answering the PIQs (i was actually in the middle of typing this up when i received your ask haha), but some of them can be applied to other essays, as well !! they’re all under the cut (because, unfortunately, being brief is not my forte) 😊

(and for reference, the prompts i chose were #2 (creativity), #6 (subject), #7 (community), and #8 (anything) !!)

tip #1: understand the prompt.

before you even begin writing, it’s important to understand what the question is really asking. for the UC PIQs, this will look different depending on which four prompts you decide to do.

in question one, for example, they want to know about your skills in leading others, but notice that they’re also curious about your resolution abilities and teamwork experience. or in question two, they don’t want to know that you paint and that you love painting—they could be asking how resourceful you are, how you think outside the box when you have an idea.

once you know the question you’re going to be answering, you can move on to brainstorming!

tip #2: write down three (3) key takeaways.

these are like the most basic, not-even-a-sentence answers you would give to each question. so for me, in response to question eight (“what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for the UCs?”), my answers were perseverance, courage, and character. i had a story about that, so i wrote about my experience with martial arts.

i recommend you do something similar. decide on three things that you want to communicate to your audience, and write them in the footnote of your document. your goal is to cover all three points so that, if anyone were to read your essay, they would walk away understanding those three things about you.

i found this strategy really helpful for keeping my essay streamlined while writing—if a sentence didn’t relate to any of those main points, i would cut it since those words would take up valuable space in the word count. stay focused on what needs to be in this essay, and if you have extra words left in the word count later, you can add those details back in.

and once you’re done with your essay, make sure to refer back to your takeaways and check that you covered all of them sufficiently!

tip #3: highlight your stories.

i sent cat an ask a couple days ago with a few pictures of my response to an end-of-year college counseling survey that referenced this tip (you can find it here). basically i said that, when choosing what topics to write about, pick things that interest you! if you get excited talking about it, your audience should get excited about reading it, because they’ll pick up on the passions you have and then everyone’s excited !!! :D

i’ll tell you a secret: everyone you meet, everyone you see, has countless unique experiences that few others may have. me? i spend hours making mashups out of kpop songs. i earned my black belt years after a traumatizing experience during training. i get russian harry potter and spanish dr. seuss books from the library. and i created a collaborative online google photos album for my classmates that now has thousands of entries. although these aren’t necessarily unique to only me, they’re still special enough to the point where, when you put them all together, you get a better image of the person i am, and what i value.

so find a story, a habit, a hobby that makes you different, because i believe that everyone has them. give them some food for thought, or that one-liner that sticks in their brain and won’t go away. and remember: these stories don’t all have to be extraordinary—they should be about people or moments of special value to you, because that’s what matters.

personal tip: when i was brainstorming ideas, i decided that the best way to get ideas out there was to go on a rant (because sometimes it helps to just have a conversation with yourself !!) and i recorded myself, so i could replay what i said !! this was so so crucial to me finding my own voice for writing essays. notice the way you word things when you talk—a good line or two may make it into the final draft :)

i found it helpful to read sample essays as well! they give a lot of great ideas on the kinds of topics people write about. (also, it’s kind of fun, because who doesn’t love a good story?)

but the people reading your essay won’t be there to just enjoy your story; what they really want you to do is to tell them what you learned from your experience. they want to know whether you’re teachable and willing to grow both as a student and as a young adult. so make sure to take note of the life lessons you learned, experience you gained, character you built, etc.

minor tip on ending your essay: if you’re telling a story that happened in the past, then close with what you learned and how you can apply that to your life moving forward. if you’re telling a story that has no definite end yet (like a passion or dream you have), you probably don’t have everything figured out (and you can say that in your essay!), so it might be better to close with your hopes for the future.

tip #4: ask your family for help.

peer-editing is one of the most effective ways to detect errors and inconsistencies in your writing, because, after staring at your essay for so long, you might gloss over glaring contradictions. for all of my essays, i printed them out and asked my parents to help me revise them. we’d meet every other night (or every night, depending on how much time was left) to review and discuss improvements.

i actually kept some of those printed drafts (only the first and the final ones for comparison), and let me tell you from experience—you’re probably going to have a lot of drafts (i think the most i did was seven? but you don’t need to go that far!). this part of the process does take some time, so remember to be patient and kind to yourself :) these essays won’t happen overnight!

enlisting the help of others also helps keep you accountable. one of the struggles many seniors face while writing essays is just... setting aside time to do them. and even though the constant reminders from your parents will definitely get repetitive and a bit stress-inducing, i can tell you from personal experience that i’m so glad they did; otherwise, i don’t think i’d have my essays done in time :’)

while writing college essays is challenging, your family will be there supporting you each step of the way. chances are that they’ll have their own pointers to pass on to you, since they probably remember doing this process themselves! and, out of everyone in your life, they probably remember the most about you (because you probably don’t remember much when you were four or five), so they might have a couple starter ideas for topics when brainstorming. you can rely on them for their advice and their experience.

tip #5: self-editing.

here’s the part that takes the longest time.

use action words. this is probably something you’ve heard all throughout elementary school where they didn’t like you to say “said” because it was “boring”… but honestly, the difference between “doing my own version” and “infusing it with my personality” could go a long way. also, use words that you would actually use in an essay—then it’ll have your own special flair, and not sound like it’s taken from some stuffy 80s textbook!

here are some of the words i used (once again, you shouldn’t use these words if they don’t sound like something you’d write/say): potential, overlay, wrestle, launch, analogous, weave, infuse, experiment, outlet, revel, fascinate, satisfaction, pursue, expand, distinction, capture, range, archive, engage, beyond, build, adversity, cultivate, preserve, commit, explore, convey, naturally

also, be on the lookout for repeated words. i once wrote an essay without noticing that i used “hope” three times in the same paragraph. don’t do that! use synonyms :) personally, i tended to run short on synonyms, so i always kept a tab or two open on my computer reserved for searching up new words.

side note: unfortunately, during my search for synonyms, i discovered that thesaurus.com just didn’t give me what i was looking for. i highly recommend using wordhippo instead; it has so many more options and they’re grouped by the different definitions of your word! i found the synonyms i needed really quickly and it was very satisfying!

avoid the passive voice! my teacher gave me this tip for theses or any other college-level writing. here’s an example of the passive voice: “there was a large part of me that wanted to turn back.” that’s twelve words taking up precious space in your word count! instead, say something like, “i considered turning back.” you’ve just freed up eight words :)

tip #6: final revisions.

this is the step where you fine-tune your essays. meet that word count.

read your writing out loud. does it sound like you? it should. every writer has a different voice, and you need to ensure that yours is pervasive throughout your essay. feel free to use contractions—not only do they reduce your word count (this was a good thing for me, since i had a problem with getting under 350 words), but they also give a more casual tone to your essay, as if you’re telling a story to someone in the room.

next, pretend to be an admissions officer and have someone else read your essay to you. do you get excited hearing about this student who shares your name? if you do, there’s a good chance the real admissions officers will love your essays, too. this also gives you a chance to review to your essay as a whole. pay attention to the overall flow. is there a clear beginning and end? do you resolve the issues and overcome the trials you brought up? listen to it as if it’s a story, and take this time to enjoy what you’ve written. you worked hard!

final thoughts / encouragements.

oh my goodness, did we make it to the end? honestly if you did, thank you so much 🥺

okay but despite my relatively optimistic tone throughout this post, i’m still going to be honest with you—the college essay writing process is difficult. it requires you to look inside yourself and analyze the “why” behind some of the things that you love, and that isn’t easy to do at all. it’s intellectually and emotionally challenging, because not only do you need to use so much energy writing, but you also have to dig deeper to understand yourself, and that’s not easy, either.

but i wanted to encourage you, too. no matter what you may think of yourself at 12am, 2am, 4am writing these essays, believe you have a personality that others love and will love when they meet you. you are an interesting person with unique experiences who deserves to share your thoughts with others. you have so many people behind you, supporting you during these next few months. and when you find that you can’t write any more, remember to take time to care for yourself. have a warm shower. go to bed early. i could go on and on about why sleep is good for your brain but i’ll spare you the details in this post 😉

one last thing: keep the bigger picture in focus. remember, by december or january, you will be finished with most of the application process. that’s no small accomplishment. you can do it. 💝

i really hope you found tips that you were looking for, and that they’re applicable to your own PIQs and other essays !! if you have any other questions, feel free to send in another ask (i promise my response won’t be this lengthy LOL) 💘💓

oh, and if you feel comfortable enough reaching out about anything in particular, i’m only a DM away 💕 i wish you the best of luck on writing your essays and i hope you enjoy your final year of high school !! 💗🌸💟💖

#asks #college tips

29 notes · View notes

danger-xylophones · 4 years

Text

Major Buir (Plo Koon x reader)

{masterlist}

Words: 3.7k

Warnings: Unedited, Plo Koon trying to flirt but not quite understanding how to make the swoon, Wolffe being the embarrassed son, potential second hand embarrassment for the reader because I think that Plo is very sweet but is not well versed in the art of flirting. Clones being dumb and cute. Angry Wolffe, potential fluff overload-I got a little carried away.

Notes: Yeeee it’s my first time writing for Plo-would it be wrong to tag?...I’m gonna do it. @a-dorin , I would like to thank you for inspiring me to write this. I find myself steadily becoming a Plo simp and your fics have only accelerated my downward spiral.

Also, this was only supposed to be about 1.5k words...woops

……………………………………

“From this, we can conclude that the remnants of the Ehterium cluster supernova would provide a suitable route around this Separatist controlled rat’s nest.” You sniffed carefully and lowered the pointer to tap against the ground but it landed on your foot. Swiftly, you moved it again so it actually tapped against the durasteel floor of the briefing room. A few chuckles slipped from the gathered cloned men and Jedi generals currently scanning over your notes on the holomap that had witnessed the little slip-up. “Though I can understand the hesitance-which is why I have also taken the liberty of charting a different course around the cluster entirely. It would take much longer though and would put you in more danger in the long run as you’d be exposed and out of range for too...long.” You trailed off, suddenly self-conscious of the overuse of the word ‘long’. Even though you’d worked for the GAR since the start of the clone wars (and technically before that if you counted all the academy training) you’d never gotten the hang of the ‘intimidating analytics and tactician officer’ schtick despite trying. You were often compared to a little mouse in the academy-even when you were wielding a blaster. But that hardly mattered when you were one of the top tacticians in the army and the Jedi were very kind to you. Especially General Plo Koon. He was incredibly patient with you as you adjusted to life with the 104th after being transferred from the 205th and he gave off this very warm and loving vibe.

And thankfully your new general was among the Jedi present-calmly looking at you with hands clasped behind his back, respectfully silent as the other masters muttered over the maps you’d provided. You met his eyes uncertainly. While it wasn’t like this was your first time pitching a new tactic to a general it was the first time you’d ever pitched an idea to so many people (eight, to be exact) that were so high ranking. The room was currently occupied by yourself, Depa Billaba, Obi Wan Kenobi, Cody, Anakin, Ahsoka, Rex, Commander Wolffe, and Plo Koon and while none of them were ever rude to you it was hard to not be intimidated. You weren’t the one that had to go through with this plan-they did. They were the ones in danger. Sure, you could lose your job but they could lose their lives. So, you looked to Plo Koon as he would be sure to tell you what he thought.

Perhaps he was so open with you because he could read you better than anyone else? He always knew what you were thinking and knew exactly what to say to help you. If you were honest, it was no wonder why you two were fast friends. And it wasn’t a surprise when you realized that certain feelings had crept up on you. Although you had resigned yourself to never act on them for both of your sakes there was no helping the admiration that prompted you to value the Kel Dor’s opinion over anyone else’s. And just like so many times before, it seemed like Plo knew this for he offered a single nod to you when your eyes met. The tension fled from your shoulders instantly as a silent sigh of relief slipped from you. Plo Koon approved. You had done good. He knew how hard you had worked on the new plans and could cite several instances where he had stumbled upon you slumped over your desk as the testimony to your dedication. Each time the Kel Dor quietly lifted you to your feet and encouraged you to leave the work for the next day as he escorted you back to your quarters. Once the two of you got there, he’d always, always place a secure hand on your shoulder with a squeeze that just barely made his talons dig into your greys as he bid you goodnight before sweeping away with one last order to get some sleep tossed over his shoulder. It was similar small gestures like those that gave you hope that were your situations different-he being a normal citizen like you and not a Jedi with no trace of war-that maybe something could happen. But alas…

“I must say, Major, I do believe you’ve outdone yourself.” Kenobi was the first among the Jedi to speak with one hand clasping his chin and the other clasping his elbow in typical Obi Wan fashion as he scanned over the details once more.

You dipped your head with a carefully practiced, “thank you, General” as your immediate reply though deep inside, your pride swelled. This was possibly your most ambitious plan yet and one that had presented significant challenges. While you were a good tactician, your strong suits lie in terrestrial combat and not space. It felt great to be validated.

“Yes but…” Depa Billaba began with her arms dutifully crossed over her chest as she scrutinized further, “what are we to do about this asteroid field that cuts through our path?” The Jedi asked calmly and you brightened at the mention of it because you had banged your head against it every which way. The asteroid field was the one thing you couldn’t accurately account for as the data you had received on it initially had been outdated. And you explained as much to her.

“However, I am happy to tell you that I may have found a way to...acount for this hazard.” You cleared your throat and leaned over the console to zoom in on the area in question. “This asteroid field is large, messy, and problematic, and had you asked me how to avoid it earlier I wouldn’t have had an answer. But, I think that the best course of action is to separate-to make it look as though the three of you-” you pointed to the generals you were specifying, “are escorting Depa Billaba till she comes in range with the nearby medical station. That way if any Separatists follow you, you can still maintain the element of surprise because I know that if we can make General Billaba’s starship appear vulnerable that they will go for it. Worst case scenario, you dust off the guns a little preemptively. Best case-” again, you clicked another button that revealed a dotted red path through the holo projection, “you can use the asteroids as extra cover while you navigate through this path.” You paused a moment, eyes shifting to gauge the reactions of everyone. From across the table, your eyes met with Commander Wolffe’s who raised an eyebrow at you. “Clone intelligence has informed me that this path might be outdated as well but we will be active on the comms to offer guidance through the field as you go.” Commander Wolffe gave a firm nod and, again, the Jedi and clones retreated inwards to try and think of any situations that they would need to be prepared for. In the weighted silence that followed, you were keenly aware of Plo Koon drawing closer to you as he methodically circled the console before you. His hands remained clasped behind his back the entire time and you couldn’t help but watch him as he approached.

He came to a stop right next to you-close enough for your arms to brush and for his warmth to seep through the fabric of your greys. Plo Koon remained quiet for a little longer, leaving you more time to fight the instinct that told you to lean closer to him before he moved his arms. His taloned hand brushed the back of your own and his vambrace bumped your forearm as he brought his arms up to cross over his torso. You couldn’t help but dwell on the feeling of even that minuscule contact which almost caused you to miss the compliment he paid your way.

“Uh...th-thank you, General.” You coughed into your fist in a not so subtle way to correct your stutter. “But really, my plan is only good because my data was good. You should really thank your men that got me the information.”

The Kel Dor made a huffing sound that would have sounded like a laugh if not for the heavy overlay from his mask. “Believe me, Major, I will but you do deserve some of the credit.” He stressed, even going so far as to grasp your shoulder very briefly. You could still feel the imprint of his touch when he moved his hand away.

“Anakin, you’re being unusually quiet.” Obi Wan saved you from further implosion as he addressed his former padawan. You and Plo Koon both turned your attention back to the other occupants in the room and you were unsettled to find General Skywalker’s eyebrows furrowed in scrutiny as he glanced between you and the Jedi Master. Perhaps more alarming though was Wolffe’s face. He was staring at Plo Koon with what you could only describe as a bug-eyed look.

“Just thinking, master.” Skywalker eventually answered. Your jaw tensed in uncertainty though the younger man said nothing more regarding the visual dissection of your interaction.

The meeting continued for a few more minutes with you working to finalize the more minute details and to take measures to establish backup plans that would most likely be abandoned by the Jedi at the first sign of conflict and the Jedi began to disperse with their own CO’s. Eventually, that left just you, Wolffe, and Plo Koon. At the first sign that the meeting was adjourned, you began to pack your things up and to log off the computers but instead of leaving you to your own devices like you thought he would, Plo Koon remained with you. He casually waited at the console you had left him at with his hands clasped before his diaphragm, a common gesture for him you’d noticed, while Wolffe awkwardly hovered near the door.

“Was there anything else you needed, General?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at the Kel Dor. He stood up straight and approached with light footsteps.

“Not particularly, Major, but I would like to congratulate you once again on another excellently thought out plan.” Plo Koon’s voice was as calm as it ever was but there was something there-a slight lilt you weren’t familiar with or maybe it was better described as a squeak? Slowly spinning on your heel, you turned to face him.

“Well,...thank you, General. It...It’s my job.” A part of you swore at your inability to take a compliment properly while the other parts were all focused on Plo Koon. Sure, he’d complimented you on your plans before (he did during the meeting) but he had always reserved the more serious praise for after the missions and the debriefings. He’d never stayed after the preliminary meetings.

“If you don’t mind, I’d prefer if you called me Plo Koon-it feels far too impersonal to be addressed as ‘general’ outside of meetings.” The Kel Dor explained with a raised hand to stop you from saying anything else till he had said his piece.

You blinked. Once. Twice. Before eventually sliding your gaze over to Wolffe who had a hand clasped over his eyes. That gesture only added kindling to the confused fire as you returned to the man in front of you. There didn’t seem to be anything amiss-his mask looked in place and to your knowledge, he hadn’t been in the medbay recently. “As...whatever you wish...Plo.” You swallowed, his name-something you’d said in your head thousands of times before-felt foreign on your tongue. “You can of course call me ‘Y/n’...then.” You offered uncertainly.

“Of course,” he echoed with a nod. “I’ve always thought your name fitting.”

“Thank you…?” You asked uncertainly.

“I just mean that it is a strong name and you bear it well.”

“...” Again, you couldn’t help but look over at Wolffe who had taken his face in his hands in what could only be described as a picture of absolute mortification. His helmet was awkwardly squished into his chest as he shook his head from side to side, lips moving as he formed words you couldn’t hear from where you stood. “I...uh...I like your name too, Plo. It’s gentle…?” You tried as you returned your attention to the Kel Dor and raised one shoulder in a half-shrug.

He brightened, back straightening up as he continued to regard you. “Thank you, I’m rather fond of it myself.” A silence fell over the two of you-horribly tense and laced with an awkward air you had no way of dissipating anytime soon. Averting your eyes from the Jedi, you rolled your lips in and bit them as you fished for something else to say.

“Is...are you sure there wasn’t anything you needed, General?” You finally asked after shifting on your feet for the third time.

Plo Koon shook his head, less in a form of denial and more like he was trying to shake himself out of a stupor before answering. “I’m positive but while we’re on the subject of names I feel it is important for me to inform you of the new one circulating amongst my men.”

You raised your eyebrow at the Jedi, not missing the way Wolffe froze entirely. “A new name for me or…?”

“For you.” Plo nodded. “It seems as though they’ve taken a liking to calling you ‘Major Buir’.” There was something in his voice that told you he was smiling (or the Kel Dor equivalent of smiling) beneath his anti-ox mask.

“Buir?” You questioned as your mind raced to dig up a definition for the Mando’a word you’d heard assigned to the Jedi on multiple occasions. “As in what the Wolfpack calls you?”

“Indeed. Are you familiar with Mando’a?”

“After fighting alongside the clones?-of course, but I’m afraid most of the terms I know relate to fighting, tactics, or swearing.” You explained promptly with a glance to Wolffe at the mention of his language-the clone in question looked frozen in his spot and it seemed like he was no longer alone as you could swear you saw the familiar red hair of Boost and the silver of Sinker ducking behind the doorway.

Plo Koon suddenly leaned forward, getting closer to your height as his voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Buir is Mando’a for ‘parent’, Y/n.” Immediately, it felt as though someone had locked you in carbonite-your heart was still warm as it surged with affection for the men of the 104th yet at the same time your body felt the familiar frozen tingle that so often accompanied the sensation of treading through uncharted territory. You were keenly aware of Plo Koon’s proximity and the way your heart sped as a result. In an attempt to combat this you took a deep breath to steady yourself and regain control over your vocal chords. But that was a mistake as Plo’s natural scent infiltrated your senses. He smelled of leather and fresh air, of tea tree and some other piquant scent you couldn’t name that you knew was the remnant of one of the contraband candles he had hidden aboard the ship. It was so him-something the standard issue GAR soap couldn’t hide-that it overwhelmed you in an instant and you found yourself leaning closer. He, a flame, and you, a moth.

Your lips parted slightly as your face relaxed and you swore that you’d never felt calmer. It felt like someone was wrapping you in a hug; you felt safe, wanted, and adored. “But...if they call you that and are now calling me that…” you began through the sudden dwam your mind floated in. The pieces were starting to fall into place. “Then...General Plo Koon,” your voice suddenly became firm as you forced yourself to step back, “Are you trying to flirt with me?”

Plo Koon straightened up, his hands finding their usual resting place crossed in front of his stomach. “I am. Was it not obvious?” He asked, his held tilting to the left just slightly.

You briefly thought back to the somewhat strange string of compliments he’d paid you that lead up to this. “Uh...no, not really.” You explained quickly, eyes now flickering around the room in an attempt to come up with a reply to this revelation.

“Hmm.” Plo Koon hummed. “My apologies then. Boost encouraged me to be forward-perhaps it was not enough?” You blinked up at him, gaping like a fish-if that was Plo being forward then you wouldn’t have stood a chance if he had taken a subtle route.

Before you could say anything though, Wolffe’s explosive voice cut through the briefing room as he rounded on Boost. “You told him to do what?!” The commander barked at his red-headed brother who had long since abandoned hiding behind the doorway and was now standing tall with his chest slightly puffed.

“Oh come on, Vod, we both know the General likes ‘em! And Major Buir wasn’t going to pick up on it anytime soon. I was just trying to help!” He huffed back, practically getting in Wolffe’s face.

“Meddling isn’t helping, Boost!”

“I dunno-seemed pretty effective, Commander.” Sinker chimed in.

Wolffe wheeled on him next. “Don’t tell me you were in on this too!” The one-eyed clone seethed. “If you weren’t my brother I’d-”

“Boys!” You snapped, having heard enough. The three brothers stopped immediately and turned to you; each one bore a similarly sheepish grin. With a shake of your head, you turned back to Plo who had watched on in amusement. “Plo, I’m flattered but...what about your code? I know attachments are dangerous and I wouldn’t want to be the reason you-”

The Jedi master raised a hand. “My dear, attachments aren’t dangerous. It is how they can be used against a Jedi that is.”

“I don’t follow.” You tried only for Plo to shake his head.

“Yes, you do.” The Kel Dor dropped to your height again. “Y/n, if attachments themselves were dangerous Jedi would also be forbidden from being compassionate.” You were stricken silent, painfully aware of the three pairs of eyes currently fixated on the two of you. “But even if they were, I’d still find you worth the risk.” Your heart melted, a soft ‘Plo’ slipping past your lips that made the Kel Dor incline his head. “I know you care for me too, Y/n, so...are you willing to be with me?”

You bit your lip in thought, a smile creeping across your face as you looked up at the Jedi. “I’m guessing there’s no talking you out of this?”

“You may try but my feelings will persist.” Plo countered immediately-a lightness to his voice you hadn’t heard before.

You chuckled briefly and let your gaze slide over to the three clones now curiously peering at the two of you. You took in their identical faces and the imploring looks each one was giving you. When had the Wolfpack wormed their way into your heart? Probably around the same time their general did. You turned back to Plo Koon. “I say...of course,” You smiled and slipped onto your toes to wrap your arms around the Kel Dor’s neck. He returned the embrace with a low hum, his arms slipping around your waist, “ner Jetti.” You could hear whooping and hollering from the entrance to the briefing room.

……………………………………………………..

The barracks were dark and crowded later that night-many of the men from the 104th had all crammed into one room to watch the holofilm you’d smuggled onto the starship. It had been about three weeks since the fateful meeting that led to the union of you and General Plo Koon and each day had brought a new development in your aliit as word of your relationship spread. For the most part, none of the men were surprised-some even commenting on how Plo Koon was apparently unable to tear his eyes off of you during meetings, holocalls, or your brief but frequent trips to the base on Coruscant. But there were a few who weren’t expecting it at all.

But everyone you’d told had been supportive. And now as you sat curled into Plo Koon’s side with clones draped all around you as most dozed off in the peaceful barracks you could safely say that you’d found where you belong.

A tug on your arm pulled you away from the nearly impossible to hear holofilm (the few soldiers that were still awake had turned the volume down so they could let their brothers sleep) and to the clone currently barely awake with his head on your lap. “What is it, Boost?” You asked in a whisper, keenly aware of the sleeping Sinker and Wolffe on Plo’s other side. Still, your voice managed to catch the Jedi’s attention as he turned his head towards the two you.

The red head stared up at you blearily, a yawn interrupting him before he began speaking. “I just wanted to say that I’m happy you and general buir are together now. And that I’m glad I could help.”

A breathy laugh escaped you that Plo helped quiet with a hand over your mouth. He dipped his head to gesture at Wolffe who grumbled and curled closer to Sinker in his sleep. In retaliation, you batted his hand away and rolled your eyes at the Kel Dor before looking back at the sleepy man. “I am too, Boost. Thank you.” You answered fondly, letting your head fall against Plo’s shoulder.

“Like I said-” he cut off to yawn, “happy to help...major...buir.” Boost trailed off as his eyes closed and he wormed his way closer to you.

You smiled. “Thank you, ner ad’ika.” As Boost officially fell victim to dream land you turned towards Plo who had watched the exchange carefully. The same feeling of being hugged, of being safe, wanted, and loved infiltrated your senses but you now recognized it as Plo’s signature. Still bearing that soft painted smile, you pressed your forehead to his. A final whisper of thank you slipped from you as you resigned yourself to stay in that moment forever.

#plo koon x reader #plo koon #star wars #clone wars #star wars: clone wars #tcw #wolfpack

266 notes · View notes

tisfan · 4 years

Link

I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently; between the @bannedtogetherbingo2020 kerfluffle and the BLM protests

(one thing that I’ve been doing recently that seems to annoy the living SHIT out of my fellow White People is correcting “riots” to “protests.”

“Were you near the riots --” “I did not attend the protests, but I did donate to the medical fund for the man who was injured by removal of the statue on High Street.”

This seems to drive people absolutely batshit, and I will continue to do it. These are not riots and if they have similar characteristics with riots it’s because cops are treating everyone not even like criminals, but like hostile enemy forces.)

Mostly what I’ve been reading about is the difficulty that POC fans have in getting their voices heard in fandom. That the history of fandom is primarily the history of White Fandom.

(this is long, so there’s more under the cut - I also tell stories A LOT so brace for personal experience asides)

I’ve been thinking about comments I’ve seen by black and brown fans about trying to get away from racist stories on A03. And trying to figure out if there’s a way to give people what they want -- a way to tag posts/topics/writers/ships on a permanent block list. I know I’ve spoken with several fans who have extensive filter scripts when they go looking for a new read and that shit is EXHAUSTING and doesn’t work necessarily on mobile devices.

I, for instance, have QUITE A LOT of stuff blacklisted on tumblr because I find P*nnyW*se the Creepy Teeth Demon to be horrific and I do not want him on my screen. And the movie’s name is IT for fuck’s sake. I can’t blacklist the word “It” and still expect to see any content at all. So, thinking about how much trouble I had keeping PWCTD off my screen gives me some sympathy to how hard it’s got to be to filter out something that people aren’t even tagging!

I mean, honestly, most of the time that people tag a fic TW: racist, they already KNOW the character is acting in a racist manner and they’re condemning it. When people don’t realize the character is racist, or a word, or a trope is racist (mystical black character, for instance) they don’t tag it as racist because they either don’t know, are unconscious of their own bias, of they don’t care that it’s racist.

In the same manner, Person A who’s writing fic they know is dub-con will tag it, and Person B who thinks stalking someone and climbing in their window at night is romantic will NOT tag the same scenes as dub-con.

Which doesn’t make it any less jarring when I suddenly run into a fic that I would absolutely count as noncon/dubcon that’s not tagged for it. The intentions of the author don’t matter TO ME at that moment, what matters to me is that I’m trying to breathe while the romantic interest on my eReader is saying “aw, that’s so sweet.”

So, there’s multiple questions that come up for me -- I’m not a computer person, so while the A03 code is available for use, I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I tried.

Is there a way to tag something from the outside? An overlay or side program (like an Xkit for A03) that would allow people to permanently blacklist certain tags or authors, tropes, etc? I know there are some hosting sites (unfortunately with ads) that basically funnel stuff from A03 to a reader. There was a big kerfluffle about it at the beginning of the year because OMG, someone is making money off my fanfic! protip, no, they weren’t. they were making money off someone else’s desire for a custom skin. The material itself was never leaving A03, it wasn’t stored anywhere else. A03 does not currently have a phone app and they don’t plan to have a phone app.

So, would it be possible for someone to write a phone-app that did a custom filter for the material. Blacklists are certainly possible, right?

Because here’s the thing; a lot of people who are racist don’t know that they are. Or they don’t care that they are. I have personally had a couple of hard conversations about racism (I’m not even going to call it “unconscious racism” because I am a grown-ass adult capable of reading, so if I act in a racist manner, I’m going to fucking own it. And apologize for it. And try to do better.) in my own work -- whitewashing a character at one point, using a quote from a black woman as a title for a story about Wanda. I’m still not entirely convinced that a Jewish/Romani woman is “white” in any sort of traditional sense. That said, I’m not a POC and I’m going to listen to the person who’s upset because of my usage and not my own feeling of “I don’t really think Wanda counts as white.” This may be partially because WANDA is whitewashed as shit in the MCU and a lot of people in the fandom do not read comics.

That further said, I made the changes as requested and apologized for it in the work/notes. And felt very uncomfortable when some of my white friends said “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” I’m not sorry I had to deal with it. I wish I hadn’t DONE it, but I am glad that people felt comfortable enough with me to call my on my bullshit and I was able to make corrections and amends.

Still-- All of this boils down to: People are not going to, in good faith, tag their own fic as “don’t read this, I am racist.”

Everything that gets done on A03 -- which is an Archive -- is voluntary by the author. A03′s policies are pretty much “tag to warn” or “tag that you’re NOT tagging to warn.” The only action A03 takes for inappropriate tagging is to ask the author to update the Warning to match, or choose not to warn. If there’s no compliance, A03 will assign the fic “choose not to warn.” But that’s the extend of their policies.

We all know this history; no censorship. Censorship is a slope that leads to fanwork disappearing. Because here’s another fact: it doesn’t matter what the intention is of censoring a story; that censorship is going to be applied badly.

So, if A03 was going to ban racist fic, how long do you think it would take before the reporting system was flooded? Even legit reports of racism are going to take a while to read through, judge, contact the author, wait for possibly updates or retractions, and then removal.

A03′s staff are volunteers, and I understand there aren’t very many of them. There are six MILLION works on A03. No one could hope to read them all with a careful enough eye to catch all instances of harmful texts.

And we all know what’s going to happen: it’s easier to delete all stories that get complaints, rather than read them.

So, Fan A gets Fan C’s fic taken down for racial stereotyping and Fan C tells all of her friends, who go on a crusade to report every single one of Fan Q’s fics in retaliation (not because Fan Q did anything “wrong” but because they happened to post a blog about racial stereotyping in fandom) And we’re right back to strikethru.

Yet, censorship is one of those things that makes me very, very nervous. Do I think a white boy who writes a self-insert rape fantasy novella about violating and murdering Zoe Quinn should be allowed a platform? No, I don’t. (And neither did Amazon, who took it down fairly quickly once it was brought to their attention. But that’s only one case, where there are probably thousands of books that are personal attacks and are left merrily alone.)

There are a lot of books on the banned book list. If people thought they could get away with it, those books would be unpublished, unpersoned, black bagged.

We all know that the rules get applied badly, by the people with the biggest mouths and the loudest complaints. So banning content on A03 does not seem to be the solution.

(Personal story time again, just skip this if you want.)

I came into fandom backward; I was a traditionally published erotica / romance writer first and moved into fandom after the collapse of several small publishing houses for various scandals that I won’t bore you with but you can look here if you want more information.

Several years ago, I was in an anthology that i was Very Proud of, and I really like the editor I worked with, wanted to work with her again. She sent me a premise for submission that left me cold. Which is to say, she wanted to publish cuckolding stories.

[x] <-- warning, that link is REALLY harsh and filled with some real WTF moments, from someone who’s pointing out the racism inherent in the system.

Especially when you consider the Mandingo aspects of the fantasy, it’s easy to see why just the existence of it is repulsive.

I declined the invitation to participate because I was deeply uncomfortable with the subject matter.

I’m not saying that to get praise for my behavior.

Because when the subject came up again about two or three years ago in some fandom discourse, I sided with my friends who were defending “no censorship, no matter what.”

(End of personal aside.)

Despite my personal feelings about the issue (ew, this is icky and racist and horrible and I would never write it) I still believe that I don’t have the right to say what someone else can write, read, or enjoy.

I’m trying to find the path between “this sort of reading material is harmful and I don’t think it should have a platform,” “this should be heavily tagged to avoid upsetting people,” and “there are people who feel that way about gay, non-christian stories as well.” And what’s more, I’m trying to find it in a way that doesn’t stifle authors’ voices.

Even with my idea of an overlay, that’s putting the burden on the people most affected-- someone would have to rate stories as “racist” or “not racist” (and even then, it’s seldom that clear cut. Microaggressions abound.) and the people best capable of doing that would be readers of color. Which hardly seems productive. Or fair.

“Don’t like; don’t read” is often the calling card of fandom writers. I’ve said it myself. That’s what the fucking back button is for. But when I say it, I mean “I don’t want to hear your wank about Tony Stark in my inbox” not “I don’t want to be called out for racism when I wrote a story.”

https://ggmadeit.com/blog/why-i-cant-just-knit-the-story-of-a-black-knitter-during-civil-unrest/ -- I’m including this link because this piece really made me think. I can’t ever put down being a woman. I can’t read or watch horribly misogynistic work without being upset, and I have trouble sitting in the room with my male friends who insist on watching it and want to say “it’s only a movie.”

Being black is part of someone’s life. It can’t be erased just because it’s not convenient. Just because it interrupts your good time. It shouldn’t be put aside because “it’s just a story.”

As fans, we have to do better.

We all know what it’s like to be pushed out, to be made second best, to be asked when we’re going to get a real hobby, when are you going to grow up, why did you spend money on that merch? So we need to reach further.

I don’t have answers. And even if I did, I’m not the one who needs to give them. What I need to do is listen to the people who have answers and HELP THEM get what they need.

We need to do better. We need to BE better.

#writing #fandom #racism in fandom

30 notes · View notes

clericbyers · 5 years

Note

will finding out about mikes nightmares at a sleepover one night. mikes never told anyone because he always felt like he had no right to, because of everytging wills been through. will just cuddles him and tells him that of course he’s gonna be there for him, always. they’re both so in love.

[ part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 ]

crossposted to AO3

————

“We’re gonna hang with the Party tomorrow, yeah?” Mike asked as he searched through his dresser for a too-large t-shirt. It had the Hawkins High mascot on the front and he cringed to himself about being one of those people wearing their high school’s logo.

Will though hummed an affirmation from his perch on Mike’s bed. “Lucas said he’s coming over in the late morning. We’ll bike over and grab Dustin before heading to Max’s place.”

“And from there, we go into town for lunch.” Mike took off his shirt and absentmindedly stretched his arms up. He could feel Will’s gaze on him and he smiled to himself before grabbing a pair of boxers. “I’m gonna shower; feel free to snoop around or whatever.”

“Your room hadn’t changed a bit since I was gone, Mike.” Will scoffed but slipped off the bed as he padded his way to Mike’s side. “I doubt you have something to hide that I need to snoop for.”

Mike froze and really tried his best not to glance over at his desk where his antidepressants and anxiety medications resided. The bottles were in a black bag on his desk hidden away in a corner. There was something about seeing the transparent orange bottles that reminded Mike of his inability to take care of himself without aid and that reminder wasn’t one he wanted to literally see every time he came into his room. He still hadn’t found a way to tell Will about his meds or the therapy or how he heard his parents fighting and a divorce might be down the line. Will had enough issues to deal with anyway. Now that they were boyfriends, it was harder for Mike to keep the secret.

Friends don’t lie. Boyfriends especially shouldn’t lie.

Yet, here Mike was, lying through obfuscation. Never saying exactly what’s up and leaving things vague enough to not be questioned.

A wave of nausea struck Mike’s gut and he turned to his door with a shudder. “Yeah. Anyway, shower. I’ll be quick.”

Mike left the room with a quick peck on Will’s cheek. His mind was racing through various emotions, landing guilt and regret and anger and self-deprecating thoughts laced with anxiety and anguish. By the time he got to the bathroom, which wasn’t far, Mike was having some trouble breathing and he hated it. He hated the panic, the shaking of his hands, the way he couldn’t maintain basic control of how his body reacted. What type of leader was he to be losing it in the bathroom face to face with his gaunt and paper-white pale reflection? His freckles stuck out even more against his pallor skin and the boy closed his eyes with a deep breath.

Breathe, Mike remembered his therapist saying when he had an anxiety attack in the very first session where she asked him how he felt powerless about losing his friends. Breathe, focus on the five seconds you hold in your air, and then let the thoughts flow out of you as you breathe out.

Mike did as previously directed until he could no longer feel his hands shaking. He turned on the water and showered for a few minutes, taking a little more time to let the warm water massage his back with gentle pressure and calm his tense muscles. He dried off and changed in the bathroom before heading back to his room with a whistle. Will was flipping through an old comic book but looked up when he heard Mike enter the room.

Mike nearly dropped all his clothing at the sight before him. It wasn’t anything new persay; Will often word Mike’s clothing if he stayed over without packing a bag, but this—Will wearing Mike’s old t-shirts and pyjama shorts, Will wearing his boyfriend’s clothing—was definitely shocking at least. It struck Mike again that Will was his boyfriend and it wasn’t a fantasy he had been trying to ignore for years. It was only five days since Christmas Eve when Joyce and his mom accidentally revealed to the two boys that they liked each other, so it was still fresh enough in his mind, but little things like Will in his room wearing his clothing made Mike realize all over again that the boy of his dreams was really his boy in real life.

“God, I love you,” Mike whispered hoarsely, tossing his clothes in the hamper before rushing to the bed. He grabbed Will’s face and tilted his chin to kiss him. Will melted into the kiss with a soft hum. “I love you so much.”

“Love you, too, Mike.” Will pulled away and reached out to take Mike’s hand. “Any reason you’re suddenly telling me?”

“Do I need a reason? I get to tell you how I feel every day for the rest of our lives. You can bet your ass I’m gonna take every chance I can.” Mike watched Will blush furiously and he couldn’t help but kiss him again. “You and me? Best thing I’ve ever done.”

Will pulled at Mike’s shirt and flopped with him onto the bed. It was too small for the both of them, what will Mike’s height already making the bed a little too small for him on his own, but they made it work. Mike unfortunately had to squirm his way out of Will’s arms to turn off the lights but he was quick to return to Will and curl up next to him.

“Have you been thinking about any New Year’s wishes?” Will asked as darkness began to settle in the room.

“Not really. One of my wishes ended up being a Christmas gift so I have nothing else to desire really.”

“You’re talking about me, aren’t you.”

“No, I’m talking about the new Zelda game Dustin bought me.” Mike nudged his boyfriend and then leaned in for a kiss. He missed and hit only the corner of Will’s lips, which made Will laugh.

“I love you,” the smaller boy whispered in a content sigh. “It’s crazy that we can say that now. I don’t have to be afraid of loving you because you love me, too.”

Mike nodded and took a hand to Will’s hair as he brushed his fingers through it. “I was really scared I would lose you so I never said anything. And then El came into our lives.” Mike closed his eyes. “I love her but I was wrong for trying to force her to be with me. I knew it wasn’t working but I still tried. I thought we could work it out.”

“Hey, she forgives you, you know. She also thought it could work it out. She wanted it to work out just as much as you did.”

Mike still felt guilty for it all. For wanting El while loving Will. For trying so hard to ignore where his feelings really lied even though at the end of the day he still imagined waking up in the morning next to Will for reasons he never wanted to explore.

“I hurt her and I know she’s still in pain about it. She can barely stand to be in a room alone with me.”

Will overlayed Mike’s hand with his own. “Heartbreak takes time to get over. You were her first love and letting that go is painful. We should know.”

Mike laughed sarcastically. “Yeah and we failed miserably.”

“I’m glad we did,” Will kissed Mike’s nose. “My point though is that El needs time to heal and learn to be your friend again. She forgives you, trust me. She didn’t want to end things but she knew what would be best when she called it quits.”

Mike closed his eyes and listened to Will’s slow breathing. “Yeah. Do you think she’ll be happy about you being with me?”

“Of course.” Will hummed. “We’ll tell everyone on New Year’s Eve as planned. Only two days away. Get some rest now, okay?”

“Mmhmm.”

Sleep came easily when his mind managed to stop worrying about his friendship with El. The sleep itself? Mike could barely remember what he dreamt about. Things were hazy and unclear but there was blood and screams. Screams from his friends, from the people he swore loyalty to, from his mom who knew nothing and he hated the fear he had with telling her the truth. It consumed him until he couldn’t breathe, until he couldn’t hear anything but someone shouting in the distance. It was faint against the background of El’s sobbing, of her screeches as she pulled the wriggling slice of the Mind Flayer from her leg. Faint against the screams of Will burning for hours from the inside out, tears streaming down his face as he writhed in agony. Faint against the worries of his mother finding him vomiting in the bathroom one night from crying so hard and taking him to therapy that very next day despite having school.

(And god, how embarrassing it was to miss track meet and come the next day with a doctor’s note because Mike couldn’t get a stupid fucking handle on his runaway thoughts.)

“Mike!”

The boy woke from his terrors with a choked gasp, legs flaying as he struggled to escape from the blankets that suffocated him. There was a hand on his arm and he tried to pull away from it with all the strength he had, which was a lot thanks to his extra curricular studies. Mike tumbled off the bed and the shock of the fall managed to bring him back to reality. Will was hovering over the edge with wide eyes and fright screaming in his posture. Mike blinked his way out of the remains of his nightmare and felt guilt filter to the top of his emotions.

“Will,” he gasped shakily, feeling the wetness of tears drenching his cheeks. “Will, I—I didn’t mean to.”

Will climbed off the end and knelt beside Mike. He took Mike’s face in hand, ever so gentle and soft, and kissed one of the tear streaks his nightmare had drawn on his face. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here, love.”

Mike couldn’t stop crying. “It’s not—it’s not usually this bad.”

“What isn’t?”

“My dreams.” Mike closed his eyes and Will kissed his eyelids, a featherlight touch on his wet skin. “My nightmares.”

“Is it often?” Mike nodded. “How long?”

“Since the Snowball.” Will tensed and Mike pushed the boy’s hands from his face. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Mike, you were crying in your sleep and kicking around and yanked yourself from my hand so hard you catapulted yourself from your bed.” Will took Mike’s face again and pressed their foreheads together. “You can talk to me about these things. You’re not alone.”

“That’s what my therapist keeps saying and yet here I am, still fucking doing this!” Mike motioned to himself on the floor and then collapsed in on himself. “I can’t make it stop, I can’t tell anyone about the truth, I can’t control myself even with my medications and the therapy sessions, it just gets bad again after everything is good.”

“Mike,”

“And sometimes, I don’t sleep and I won’t take my sleep meds so I don’t have to face that shit again, don’t have to see El sacrifice herself or you—I thought you were dead, Will. I thought it was real.” Mike covered Will’s hands with his larger ones. “I thought you were gone forever and I never got to tell you how I feel.”

“Mike, I’m here. I didn’t die. I’m right here with you.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem though. I haven’t actually been tortured or attacked or possessed or anything. I was just there. A witness.” Mike laughed hoarsely. “I stood by and watched so many people die. I was supposed to be a leader, keep the party together, and I split us up being so selfish and I just—I have no right to be having these damn nightmares when you and El have been through so much worse. And I know your mom told me not to discount my experiences but I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic I am to be like this when—,”

Will put a hand over Mike’s mouth and fixed him with a steady glare. “Listen to my words, Michael,” he started sternly, pulling his hand away to continue cupping Mike’s face. “We are all a little fucked in the head thanks to the Upside Down. And yeah, El and I are probably the two most fucked by it all but that doesn’t mean your trauma and experiences are invalid. My mom is right; don’t sell yourself short. You have the right to feel what you do.”

Mike’s lips were pulled into a thin pale line but he nodded and Will continued. “I was on meds too, remember? My mom used to always call ahead and make sure I have them on me whenever we would have a sleepover. It’s okay to need professional medical help. You don’t have to face this alone. You don’t have to control it alone.” Will pressed a kiss to Mike’s lips. “And I know you can’t tell your therapist everything, I know you can’t tell them about the Upside Down or the demogorgon and Mind Flayer, but you can talk to me just as I can talk to my mom or Jonathan or El these days. You’re not alone, okay? I’m right here.”

“Will.”

“Hush, babe, I’m not finished.” Will swept a hand back into Mike’s hair. “You saved me you know. You saved me and El multiple times.” Mike wanted to shake his head but he didn’t want to interrupt Will so he merely pressed his lips fimer together. Will of course noticed that. “I’m serious, Mike; you really saved us. You gave us something to fight for, a future to live for, with you and all our loved ones. You gave us hope and strength. You trusted me when I was the most untrustworthy person in the room. You were strong for all of us when we needed it, Lucas and Dustin, too. You are our leader, our DM, and you carried us through all that shit. Give yourself credit.”

Will pressed his lips to Mike’s temple and climbed to his feet. “C’mon, let’s get some sleep okay? Good days come and go like bad days and that’s nothing to be ashamed for. It’s never gonna stop but you can have control. You’re healing, Mike, and that means sometimes the wound is still gonna flare up. But eventually, it’ll scar over. Until then, take it one day at a time.”

Mike nodded and took Will’s hand, letting the smaller boy drag him back to the bed. Will wrapped Mike up in his arms and hugged him tightly. “I love you, understand? I love you no matter what. I’m always here for you on good and bad days.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Mike gasped into Will’s arms, burying his face in Will’s borrowed t-shirt. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“And I’m so lucky to have you, too, Mike.” Will dragged his finger down the bridge of Mike’s nose. “Now, let’s sleep so Dustin won’t be on our asses about taking so long to get him.”

At that, Mike laughed into Will’s chest and allowed himself to relax into his boyfriend’s arms. When he woke, he looked up into loving green eyes and felt for the first time in a while that yeah, he wasn’t alone and things really could get better. Still, when Will pressed him into the mattress with a mixture of kisses and tickles, Mike knew that this couldn’t last. Will didn’t live here anymore. He wouldn’t always be there to console Mike about the terrors of the Upside Down that still haunted him.

Mike needed to fess up and tell him mom the truth.

————

tag list: @vaugency, @lifeinvirtualreality, @princestanley, @lgbtqbyers

if you want to join the tag list for lth, send me a message!

#yams writes #yams answers #byler #byeler #learning to heal #lth #lth fic #otp: palaric

103 notes · View notes

arpwrites · 4 years

Text

[Arpwrites] Tarot Commissions

If you’re seeing this, maybe its the universe saying it’s time you got a reading 🌝From Three Cats in a Trenchcoat to @Cupid Watch Out Sweaty, I’m sure there’s a spread for your needs 🌷

Commissions are currently OPEN!

The Process

Read my legal notices here, particularly the sections pertaining to tarot and commissions. You officially agree to these terms upon payment for my services.

Contact me via the Tumblr messaging system. If you’d like to keep your blog anonymous, contact me from a new sideblog. Mains are preferred though because it helps me get a better sense of your energy.

I will confirm the booking based on the requested reading and my status. Your written confirmation that you have read and are fully aware of my legal notices is required as well.

Fill out the form I provide you. It’ll have questions that’ll help me connect to your energy. If that doesn’t work, we may have to try something else like chatting for a bit or maybe you can send me your instagram. We'll think of something.

Send in the payment on Ko-fi if I confirm I am able to connect to your energy and you are comfortable with the level of it.

You will get your reading within three days. I will privately post it to my blog and share the link with only you.

Feedback and/or reviews are much appreciated.

What Will the Reading Include?

Here’s a sample reading using Three Cats in a Trenchcoat. Basically:

Commission details like your username, reference number etc.

Screenshots of your confirmation that you have read my legal notices as well as receipt of payment

Any special questions you may have asked as part of the request.

An image of the spread. I will be using the Prisma Visions deck by @jamesreads. It is gorgeous and I highly recommend it.

As much detail as I am able to glean from the cards.

An overall accuracy rating and notes.

A conversation to debrief about whether the reading resonated with you, any clarifications you might need, next steps, your satisfaction, and whether I can help you with anything else.

Why Me?

I'm truthful to a fault, a lot of times to my own detriment. I won’t hesitate to tell you if I feel like I’m making up things or if the accuracy feels low. I wouldn’t claim to have a gift for tarot if I didn’t mean it. You can trust me with your personal questions, I won’t judge.

I will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I won’t sugarcoat what my cards say but I also won’t leave you feeling hopeless or worse than before. Tarot is meant to raise people’s vibrations and do good, and that is exactly what I will help you with.

Here’s what other people have to say.

How Does Tarot Work?

Tarot cards are a system of ‘divination,’ i.e., inference, based on the yet unproven concept that everything in the universe has a vibrational signature and that these vibrations obey the universal law of like attracting like. ‘Everything’ extends beyond the physical dimension and includes thoughtforms and energetic complexes. Similar in principle to how horary astrology works, the idea is that the vibration of your question will attract right vibration of cards for that moment based on energies at the time. Free will exists and there are several possible perspectives and futures, so readings only hold true while factors are in stasis and depend on the ability of the reader to strengthen and tune into these energies.

Remember!

Tarot interpretation is personal, intuitive and nuanced. Don’t compare card draws from one reader to another because meanings of cards are subjectively assigned by the deck user. Do not research your tarot reader’s card draws on your own and infer your own meaning, it will likely lead you to wrong assumptions. Only do so if your tarot reader recommends it because what matters most is their meaning of the card.

Do not use tarot as your sole decision making tool – it is advice, not fact. Tarot is not well suited for precise, close-ended questions. It works best when the intent is for one’s highest good, and the questions are open-ended and introspective in nature.

It is best to enquire about events that will occur soon since tarot readings pick up on current energies. It will be a waste to enquire about far off events since there are a multitude of factors at play and the reading will most likely be void by the time it happens.

Please Note

I cannot do readings about subjects in which I have no knowledge. So for example, I can’t do questions on financial investments because I have no idea how that system works so I can’t overlay it onto my cards to read them.

I tend to ask for more detail about their situation while I read. This is because every card has thousands of meanings based on the context so I’ll need clarification to ensure I’m communicating the message correctly. Sometimes the extra detail doesn’t help. In that case, I’ll offer all possible interpretations and ask which one resonates best.

My deck spits out as many cards as it wants regardless of the actual spread. I don’t draw specific cards, I shuffle till cards fall out on their own. So, your reading will likely have more cards than advertised.

Offered Readings

These include but are not limited to the below mentioned spreads. Let me know if what you want isn’t on this list and I can make a custom reading for your needs in the same price range.

Three Cats in a Trenchcoat for $3. As the name gives away, a minimum of 3 cards are drawn for a short insight or to gain an overview or get direction regarding a multitude of topics. Note that the relationship spreads work for platonic, familial, romantic, destined, and karmic bonds.

General: Past | Present | Future

General: Current Situation | Obstacle | Advice

General: Situation | Action | Outcome

General: Beginning | Middle | End

General: Start | Growth | Decay

Self-discovery: Mind | Body | Spirit

Self-discovery: You | Current Path | Potential

Self-discovery: Life Purpose | What Qualities | Action

Self-discovery: Needs | Wants | Fears

Self-discovery: Past Self | Present Self | Future Self

Self-discovery: Lesson You Need | Why | Action

Past: What Worked | What Didn’t | Key Lessons

Healing: Cords to Cut | Heal your Heart | Nurture Yourself

Healing: Be Aware | Remember | Let Go

Future: Aspiration | Obstacle | Solution

Future: What Helps | What Hinders | Unrealized Potential

Relationship: Intentions | Trustworthy? | Advice

Relationship: Teach Me | Need from Me | Relationship

Relationship: You | The Other Person | Nature of Relationship

Relationship: Soulmate? | Need to Know | Will it Last?

Relationship: Your Wants | Their Wants | Where It’s Heading

Relationship: Strength | Weakness | Obstacle

Relationship: Pulls Together | Pushes Apart | Needs Attention

Relationship: Conflict | Areas of Agreement | Resolution

Relationship: Outer Conflict | Inner Conflict | Relationship

Relationship: Real Issue | Next Action | Ultimate Destination

Conflict: The Nature of a Problem | The Cause | The Solution

Conflict: False Issue | Real Issue | Your Role

Conflict: Why | What | Resolution

Decision-making: Strengths | Weaknesses | Advice

Decision-making: Opportunities | Challenges | Outcome

Decision-making: Yes Outcome | No Outcome | Maybe Outcome

Decision-making: Option 1 | Option 2 | Option 3

Decision-making: Solution 1 | Solution 2 | How to Choose

Decision-making: Best Case | Worst Case | Probable Outcome

Decision-making: Choice | Pros | Cons

Career: Hobby | Possible Career Development | First Step

Career: Opportunities | Distractions | Action

Career: Job Positives | Job Negatives | Change - to +

Career: Pros of Quitting | Cons | Advice

Career: New Career Suggestion | Advice | Outcome of Quitting

The Monster Inside for $6. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to identify the darkest aspect of your self, the area of your life it most affects, your inner demon, how you understand/accept/heal from it, what actions you can take to overcome it and grow, and the possible outcome.

Love Me, Love Me Not for $9. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to see how your crush feels about you, whether a relationship would work, how to attract them, how dating them would be, whether you should confess, and whether they’ll play a special role in your life.

Knock Knock. It’s the Universe, Asshole for $9. As many cards as required will be drawn to know what the universe thinks you need to know at this moment. What does it want to tell you? What advice does it have for you?

I’m BTS’s XXX for $9. This reading is strictly for fun and entertainment purposes! As many cards as required will be drawn to see what kind of relationship you’d have which your chosen member of BTS and how you’d meet if your paths were to cross.

Yoda on the Loose for $12. A minimum of 10 cards are drawn for general advice about yourself, your mind, body, spirit, friends and family, romance, hobbies, career, finances, and challenges.

It’s My Year, Bitches for $15. A minimum of 12 cards are drawn for your previous year in summary, what you’ve learned from the past year, what you aspire to in the next twelve months, what empowers you to reach it, what may stand in your way, relationships and emotions in the upcoming year, career and work and finances, health and well-being, spiritual energy and inner fulfillment, what you need to focus on for the year ahead, most important lesson in the upcoming year, and where you’re headed overall in the coming twelve months. Well suited for birthdays and New Year’s.

Know Thyself to Know the Universe for $21. A minimum of 15 cards are drawn to find out your best and worst qualities, what makes you attractive, your needs and wants, how you love and how you need to receive love, the type of partner that would best fit you, the key lesson you’re supposed to learn in this lifetime, and your purpose of existence.

@Cupid Watch Out Sweaty for $30. A minimum of 20 cards are drawn for an in-depth relationship spread about the true you in context of your role in the relationship, the true them, how they see you, how you see them, the past of the relationship if applicable, where it stands now, what lies in store for the future, what brings you together, what pulls you apart, your wants, their needs, challenges, how to love each other etc.

Let me know if you have any questions! I look forward to reading for you :^)

Sources: Several spreads are by Biddy Tarot, My Wandering Fool, Lunar Cafe, Self Tarot while others are my own. Do not steal my spreads, ask me for permission first.

Note: Do not use the copy from this post for personal or commercial purposes. Use it as a guideline to write your own with visible, explicit credit that has a working link back to this blog.

#arpwrites #aw commission

8 notes · View notes

interesting-blog-name · 4 years

Text

SLIGHTLY NEW ALBUMS I LIKED (Little Simz - GREY Area; Monsune - Tradition; Backxwash - God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It)

More loose reviews that I write and instantly want to get out of my Word document and into Tumblr without much of an overlaying theme between the albums or any planning as to which ones I’ll be releasing at which point, but it is what it is. This time I’ll be compiling some recent-ish albums I’ve enjoyed, two of which I’ve come to know from TheNeedleDrop (I try not to watch reviews before writing down my opinion btw), and one EP from an artist I like. Here it is.

Little Simz – GREY Area

Little Simz, the 26-year-old British rapper, is an artist I’ve loved the first time I heard her, when I listened to Selfish for the first time and saw her cover of Feel Good Inc. in triple-j’s Like A Version. Today, May 30th, I was planning on listening to White Chalk by PJ Harvey, but from what I read, it’s a pretty depressing album, and I’m not in the mood for that right now, so I picked GREY Area from my future listening list.

It’s really nice to hear a rap album like this once in a while. The instrumentation is organic and well thought out, her flow is amazing, and her lyrics have so much substance and personality to them, ranging from the happier, more reminiscent tone in 101 FM to the much more aggressive tracks Offence, Boss, Venom and Pressure, she’s always giving her take on life, telling the experience of what it’s like being a black person with big dreams in England, seeing friends die while she tries to go somewhere in life through music.

The main tone she picks for her self-narrative is an unapologetic view of the world around her; she tells the listener: “’til now I ain’t ever been the selfish type, ‘till now I ain’t ever told nobody no, don’t get it twisted. This shit ain’t happen overnight” in the biggest song off here, Selfish, featuring the most calming and lavish pianos and violins in this album, and an amazing feature by Cleo Sol on the hook. Pressure features an amazing batch of verses all about. Same thing with the intro, Offence, with its bold, empowering chorus; although the track comes off more playful with its cartoonish sound effects nearing the end than the raw message of the track mentioned previously. A great, high-spirited track to start off the album.

What isn’t as high-spirited is the next track, Boss, or, to be fair, almost all the other tracks in the album. Boss is a big fuck you to anyone you might dedicate the song to: the hook has Simz’s most aggressive delivery in the whole record, and the entire message is about getting over those who hurt you and coming up. The second verse is something else.

Wounds, featuring Jamaican singer Chronixx, deals mostly with the gun/crime problem ever-so-present in marginalized communities all around the world, and she tells the story from the perspective of both herself and as a companion of the “gun man”, repeatedly mentioned in the song (“When a gun man only knows self-hate, them bullets show no love”). I’m not super crazy for Chronixx’s hook, or the much slower tempo of the track, but it fits well with the groovy instrumental. Venom, on the other hand, is a super exciting, menacing song. She goes all out over the violins playing in the background, but unfortunately, the track burns twice as bright to last half as long.

To lighten the mood a bit, 101 FM brings the most electronic instrumental, with cheerful, banging 808s and synths, and lyrics about her come up as a rapper, probably the verses where her British accent and slang dominate the most, giving them a more personal feel somewhat. Pressure doesn’t feature the most compelling instrumental or hooks in here – the Little Dragon refrain is mixed very poorly and the vocalist just doesn’t do a great job -, but the verses compensate for that, especially the first one, probably one of the most heartfelt and important ones in this album. Therapy talks about Simz’s struggles with finding comfort in therapy. The instrumental is average for the project, but still slaps, so that’s nice.

Sherbet Sunset is an ode to a broken relationship, and a theme that could be handled so poorly by other artists is handled masterfully by Little Simz. In three verses, she displays so many sides to what I assume is one relationship, so many emotions and thoughts that she shares, it really feels like she’s transcribing something of a focused, bright mind rush over the track, and it amazes me how she can reveal her feelings so well on a track like this, progressing from the regret of not seeing how it’d go wrong, to the anxiety that comes from spending all that time for seemingly nothing, to coming to terms with it in the last verse (although not quite). It’s a stunning song now that I listen to it again.

To close it all off, we have Flowers, mainly a tribute to various artists from the 27 club, with mentions of Jimi Hendrix and Amy Winehouse in the verses, trying to relate to their struggles with drug addiction and quick fame. It’s incredibly powerful and a great finisher.

I don’t dislike one track in GREY Area. It’s well conceived, a great statement, it really feels like she gives her all to make every track memorable, and even though her delivery is mostly monotone throughout the whole album, that also works to her favor, as she has a very unique and recognizable voice. So the lyrics are extremely well written, and the only reason I don’t give more examples of that is because I got a whole lot of school shit to do, the instrumental work is clean and precise, and I don’t have a whole lot to complain about. Check this shit out if you haven’t.

FAVORITE TRACKS: 101 FM, Venom, Selfish, Offence, Boss, Pressure

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: lol nah

8.7/10

“Why you wanna all dress lies as truth? Have you ever seen what silence do? I don’t wanna see no violent troops putting out fires that haven’t been started”

Monsune – Tradition

Damn I did not expect to like this as much as I did.

Monsune is a Chinese-Canadian singer who has recently been gaining some popularity from his amazing song OUTTA MY MIND, which features a funky bassline and high-pitched guitar playing that some have compared to Childish Gambino, specifically his album “Awaken, My Love!”. I decided to check out this short EP by him to see if he had anything more to offer, and it’s safe to say, he does.

The first track off Tradition already shows what this guy can do with his production. It starts off with the same vibe off of his previously mentioned biggest track, but on steroids: a prominent bassline, pitch-altered backing vocals, sunny guitars, and drowned out drums. His voice is also reaching higher notes in this song than in OUTTA MY MIND, but then in the middle of the song it all slows down for a very welcome beat change that shifts the song from this summer anthem to a very chill R&B tune. It’s amazing stuff, although I don’t understand why he chose to put some very noticeable autotune in this part.

CLOUD is my least favorite from the EP, but it’s still a very solid song, it’s just not amazing. The bass is still very strong, and the bridge later on in the song is addictive as shit. After that track comes OUTTA MY MIND, and then his style completely switches in MOUNTAIN, which starts off with some solo guitar and his low, beautiful singing. It’s actually really moving for some reason lol. It then picks up in the hook, the drums kick in along with what I assume is a keyboard, and his voice reaches the top of his range for the backing vocals, it’s a very well-made song.

JADE finishes Tradition off extremely beautifully, with a smooth acoustic guitar intro over a nice-ass bass, some ethereal, trippy scenes of Monsune floating over the ocean and appearing out of thin air in front of you (probably not you, the listener). And then all of a sudden this madman screams off the top of his lungs in the middle of the track and I fucking love it.

The flaws this EP has are mostly related to the mixing, which I think can be a little too harsh in some sections such as the big breakdowns in JADE and MOUNTAIN. Plus, I know lyrics aren’t a focus on a project like this, but it would be nice to get something more than love songs in the future perhaps. Still, loving this EP, so glad I checked Monsune out. You should too.

WORST TO BEST: CLOUDS, 1998, JADE, OUTTA MY MIND, MOUNTAIN

8/10

“Don’t you wanna come down? Cause I’m so bored of walking on the same old sky”

Backxwash – God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It is an album by American rapper Backxwash, who received a new wave of attention after Anthony Fantano reviewed this album in his channel and gave it a decent 8. I haven’t watched the review yet, but I was interested in checking it out because of the high score, and especially since when I looked it up on Spotify, the songs only had around 8000 views.

Dark subject themes and the whole dark trap aesthetic are the core of this album. I, personally, have always been a fan of aggressive, heavy rap music, from more underground names like gizmo and Fukkit, to the more mainstream variant of these sounds, like XXXTENTACION. This album, however, operates in somewhat of a separate lane.

Many of the dark, edgy rap I used to listen to religiously back in the day was borderline mindless. Shit about ripping someone open, hollow flexing, except separated from mainstream rap only because the rapper in question is screaming their brains out when talking about designer clothes, instead of mumbling like your average Lil Baby, and, of course, personal problems, depression, being mad about whatever it was. Unlike its other contemporaries, however, it seems Backxwash has much more thought and elaboration into what she wants to yell about. Instead of hiding behind bass-boosted rather formulaic instrumentals, she takes the more scenic route, with still very dark, but more intricate gothic beats, sampling various religious speeches and implementing them into songs about black magic and overall unhappiness. The Black Sabbath sample that opens up this album should be enough for any listener to immediately understand what they’re about to get into, as the title track brings heavy percussion and some of the most graphic lyrics in the album, which it already doesn’t lack. Lines about downing pills and vodka, contemplating suicide, and blank vocalizations of anger (“I want war with these bitches, I want corpses and weapons”).

The track that resembles an average edgy Soundcloud rap song the most is Black Magic right after, with its own interpretation of the “ay” flow, shouted with a tone reminiscent of someone like Craig Xen. The big difference comes with the much grander production, especially the growling guitars that get introduced halfway, reminding the listener of Backxwash’s skill as a producer. From what I could tell, she was responsible for the production of the tracks in here, and considering there are no vocal guests except for Malldate’s quick appearance in Into The Void, I’m assuming the features listed in the tracklist are all producer credits as well, the feature in this track being Ada Rook, providing the amazing guitar work for this song.

Spells is mixed for me. I don’t enjoy the attempted singing in the chorus, and it falls completely flat to my ears; the beat is hard as ever, but the lyrics feel slightly disconnected with each other. At one point, she’s talking about going to Hell to her mom, at the other she mentions doors opening and closing in an office and how there’s no one in some corridor, and it doesn’t go anywhere from that, with lines such as “heart is so dead with tissue” not exactly evoking any sort of emotion or imagery.

Black Sheep is the most effective song out of the first four; it seems to filter all the positive aspects of the other tracks and package them into one quick serving. The beat is chaotic and in a constant state of unrest, the lyrics are centered and aimed at various of Backxwash’s problems in life, such as her father, people who want to bring her down and put her “in line on the X and O’s”, and overall venting. After that comes a brief interlude, the first of two that don’t have much use in the album except as pallet cleansers. It’s followed by Into The Void, a track that mentions her paranoia of being harassed and possibly killed when walking around in the streets and the deli. It’s haunting, and definitely the best song in here; it is laser-focused in the exact way I wished the previous tracks would be. Her vocal delivery is extremely expressive, and she tells the story in a way that gives the listener a brief, but at the same time immense glimpse of the reality that trans people face and have to go through, in a morbid fashion.

Adolescence is very short and eases the pace a bit after the intense emotions of the last. It’s a message to her younger brother that quickly descents into a confession of her inner struggle, mentioning possible overdoses and being too old for the 27 Club and fearing going to therapy. What’s great about this song is the fact that, even in such a short amount of time and with a less explosive instrumental, Backxwash manages to evoke her emotions so well; this is definitely what she does best in this record, and it overcomes the times where her delivery is flawed and her words are slurred and hard to understand. After this comes Amen, and holy fuck is this an angry song. Criticizing the hell out of the church, Backxwash comes at greedy pastors and their irresponsible spending when the churchgoers who support him are in need. My big problem with this song is the fact that the hook, as impassionate as it is, doesn’t do much for the subject, and the verse is way too short to have any impact with its theme. Lines like “these politicians politicking” don’t help much either.

The very distorted second interlude, Heaven’s Interlude, takes us to the last track, Redemption, the least intense song in here, which is appropriate as a sendoff. She expresses her frustrations towards her dad’s frustrations towards her being trans, and while the entire sentiment of the song is great and well formulated, I can’t find a way around the lines “Fuck these fucking boomers, fuck these fucking losers. Fuck theses motherfucking fuckers in their fucking two truck. Fuck these fuck(sic)abusers, and fuck these fucking rumors.”, they just emanate Limp Bizkit energy.

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It is a very passionate, real, well produced and well-conceived album; it bears themes that are immensely important to be brought to the music scene, and by mixing that message with its explosive and polished production, it amplifies it a ton. However, as powerful as her deliveries are, I believe Backxwash can go much further with her songwriting and song structuring in the future, as well as her intonation, because that was really all that was keeping this album from being legendary. If she can do more of this in songs that are longer and super focused around whichever topic she decides, she can make something legendary. And thank God she got reviewed by Fantano, I hope she can take this opportunity and make something huge out of this.

FAVORITE TRACKS: Into The Void, Black Sheep, God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It, Adolescence, Black Magic

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Spells

7.7/10

“Chosen one, sad bitch, lowest scum. Coldest, huh, black sheep talk to ‘em. If the situation changed I would have said the same shit, exactly the same.”

#little simz #grey area #monsune #tradition #backxwash #god has nothing to do with this leave him out of it #album #review #albume review #ep #ep review #rap #uk rap #dark rap #indie pop

3 notes · View notes

basalcrayon · 4 years

Text

Bohemian Rhapsody : Queen’s Crowning Moment

31st October 1975 not an unusual date it was a halloween as usual , but 4 misfits calling themselves “Queen” unbeknownst to the impact they are going to change the world of music forever released their first single of arguably one of the greatest albums of all time

The album ? A Night At The Opera

The Song? Bohemian Rhapsody

Often considered as the greatest song of all time and personally it is

To the average person in 2020 a song stretching 6mins may or may no be an issue now that we have songs like Pink Floyd’s “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” And Camel’s “Lady Fantasy” ( Who in my humble opinion are still one of the most underrated bands of all time seconded for me only by The Knophler Brothers Dire Straits )

Now back to the topic in 1975 labels like EMI thought that 6 minutes is stupid and I quote Roger Taylor OBE

They said it was too long and wouldn’t work.We thought “Well we could cut it , but it wouldn’t make any sense” It doesn’t make any sense now and it would make even less sense then you would miss all the different moods of the song .So we said no it’ll either fly or it won’t

But this was more than just a song it was the baby of Mr Mercury

In 2002 Brian May OBE said this

“He ( Freddie ) knew exactly what he was doing ….. we just helped him bring it to life”

But using his charm & lot of friendship Freddie did what Freddie does best ( except music that is ) with the help of his friend and Capital Radio DJ Kenny Everett .Queen released the song on Capital Radio and over the weekend Kenny got requests and played the song over 14 times! ( Now that’s a lot for a Halloween weekend ) countless of people lined up outside record stores on the following Monday to buy the record only to be disappointed by EMI & Elektra as the record hadn’t officially released yet.

But how does a 6min song have such an impact?

This might get technical so sit back and play A Night At The Opera!

Let’s take a deciphering look.Here We Go!

As I already quoted beforehand Bohemian Rhapsody was Freddie Mercury’s brainchild and I’m pretty sure Freddie had it all deciphered already and as Brian has said in the past Freddie had it all written on pieces of paper

From the start to finish Freddie had it all he wrote the ballad the piano and even Brian’s legendary solo & one of the most defining rock riffs of all time

Now A bit about the composition

Bohemian Rhapsody is all a song can hope for with a ballad , a amazing guitar solo , opera ( that people actually understood no hard feeling though ) & one of the greatest rock riffs

Now going Part by Part

A Capella – (0:00 – 0:49)

The five part harmony that opens up with iconic “ Is This The Real Life Or Is This Just Fantasy “ a Capella which comprises of more than 3 overlays of only Freddie contrary to what people think that it was all 4 members opening

At roughly 0:21 the grand piano makes it entrance as one of the defining moments of rock music with the story’s narrator ( which we will take a closer look at later ) introducing himself as “ just a poor boy “ who requires no sympathy and is easily come & gone while being little high little low

This leads us into the ballad

Ballad – ( 0:49 – 2:37 )

John Deacon starts with his bass and Freddie starts with the piano & “Mama Just Killed A Man” after Freddie does this twice his vocals sort of change & evolve turning into someone who is confessing something .

Roughly at 1:19 Roger Taylor’s Drums kick in after the first stanza the piano repeats with Freddie starting with the second verse being a stronger & more vocal story of the narrator with Freddie emphasising killing off the verse with arguably the most iconic line of Music ( At least for me )

“ I Sometimes I Wish I Had Never Been Born At All “

Kick In Brian May

Guitar Solo (2:37–3:05)

Brian May plays a very progressive solo in the key of E flat

At 3:03 he cuts off the solo on An A note signalling the start of operatic section

Opera ( 3:05 – 4:07 )

Iconic , Legendary , Defining , Great , Controversial are just a few words that come to mind about this section .This section comprised of over 180 overdubs ( cant imagine people like Cardi B doing that !?)

Brian doing the lower part

Freddie with the power & symbolicalness of his vocal strength in the middle

Roger doing the higher notes ( cause he was the only one who could’ve made the dogs hear him )

With lyrics like Scarmouche , Galileo & Fandago

Producer Roy Thomas Baker Once Said –

Everytime Freddie came up with a new Galileo I ordered a new piece of tape

On Came The Hard Rock Part

Hard Rock ( 4:07–4:54 )

At 4:07 Brian May played one of the most symbolic rock riffs of all time ( also written by Mr Mercury ) Three Guitar riffs are played ended by Freddie back on his piano after his vocal outrage ends

Outro ( 4:54 – 5:55 )

After the iconicness of the riff ends Mercury plays multiple ascending octaves on his piano ( The same piano used by by Paul McCartney of The Beatles to record “Hey Jude”)

The narrator ends the story by saying nothing really matters to him

This is followed by anyway the wind blows & Roger hitting a gong

Isn’t Musical Masterpiece An Understatement!?

Now lets move onto the most difficult part of this song

What do these lyrics actually mean !!!?

Nobody can surely know now that Freddie is gone but I’m pretty sure we won’t have known even he was there ( which I wish everyday )

Going Part by Part

Intro

Disclaimer – This is my interpretation of the song and is by no means correct

“Is this the real life or is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide

No escape from reality

Open your eyes and see”

The narrator starts of by a kind of cry by saying is this the real life ? Is this what we have made the world , Is this what everyone needs to go through

Exclaiming about the cruel & harshness of the world

He continues by saying he’s caught In a landslide which I think is the personification of the modern society how it’s just going in a downward spiral with nobody doing about it leaving no one with any way to get out of this

He ends it by saying open your eyes and see what is happening it’s time for change

“Look up to the skies and see

I’m just a poor boy , I need no sympathy

Because I’m easy come , easy go .Little high , little low

Any way the wind blows ( doesn’t really matter to me )”

The narrator goes on in his story by saying that it’s high time that people look up to the sky and think what life actually is about but he continues on by saying how he’s just a poor boy who needs no sympathy and how nobody really cares what he’s saying and how any way the wind blows or how the world functions anymore no longer matters to him

Verse -

“Mama Just Killed A Man , Put A Gun Against His Head , Pulled My Trigger Now He’s Dead

Mama Life Had Just Begun , But Now I’ve Gone And Thrown It All Away

Mama oooo Didn’t Mean To Make You Cry , If I’m Not Back Again This Time Tomorrow Carry On

As If Nothing Really Matters”

Now we enter the narrator’s back story

I’m going to follow one idea here that how the young narrator killed his former self who cared about this world

The narrator starts by confessing to his mother how he’s killed the former self everyone had loved how the world forced him to put a gun on his head and pull the trigger resulting in the death of his persona who cared

He goes on further by saying how his life had just begun he had just started exploring his existence but before he could the cruelness & harsh nature of the world forced him into this and how he has thrown it all away

This stanza tells us that we have a young narrator maybe in his teens

The Narrator continues apolitically to his mother that he’s sorry he didn’t mean to make her cry by killing his past self & that if his old self isn’t back this time tomorrow carry on as if nothing ever happened

“Too Late My Time Has Come , Sends Shivers Down My Spine Body’s Aching All The Time

Goodbye Everybody I’ve Got To Go , Gotta Leave You All Behind & Face The Truth

Mama Oooo ( Anyway The Wind Blows )

I Sometime Wish I’d Never Been Born At All”

Now that the day has gone by and the narrator’s old self hasn’t been revived he finally comes to realise what he’s done how he’s committed persona suicide and how the thought of that sends chill down his body

He says his final goodbye to presumably his family that his old persona is dead and it’s time for him to leave and go on a new journey finishing off by telling his mother how it would’ve been better if he had never been born

This ends the verse

Guitar solo –

Even though it’s a solo Freddie tried his best to show the narrator’s emotions by writing Brian’s solo trying to make the guitar create a sort of cry as ( assuming the narrator plays guitar ) is the best way for the narrator to show the world how he really feels

Opera -

“The operatic part for me is sort of a trial of the narrator’s old self

I See A Little Sillhouetto Of A Man

Scaramouch , Scaramouch Will You Do The Fandango

Thunderbolts & Lightning Very Very Frightening

Galileo Galileo Figaro Magnifico”

This part is the trial of the narrator’s older self as the newer self sees whatever remains off the past as a silhouette .He sees scaramouch as a person representing society and fandango as the way it functions and kind off makes fun of how the society forces everyone to do everything their way

“Thunderbolts & Lightning are glimmers of change & hope and how it’s frightening to change something

I’m Just A Poor Boy Nobody Loves Me , He’s Just A Poor Boy From A Poor Family

He’s Just A Poor Boy From A Poor Family , Spare Him His Life From This Monstrosity

Easy Come Easy Go Will You Let Me Go

Bismillah No We Will Not Let You Go ( Let Him Go )

Bismillah We Will Not Let You Go ( Let Him Go )

Bismillah We Will Not Let You Go ( Let Me Go )

We Will Not Let You Go

No No No No No No

Oh Mama Mia , Mama Mia

Beelzebub Has A Devil Put Aside For Me !,For Me !”

In this part the newer self is fighting with the world to avoid reviving the older self how he’s a poor boy all alone nobody loving him and all alone to fight he’s pleading to god ( personified as Bismillah ) to let him go from the grasps of society and how god is telling him to fight for himself and at the end he realises the fight has just begun by saying mama mia as a form of fear and how beelzebub has kept a devil specifically for him due to the way he fought

Hard Rock –

“So You Think You Can Stone Me And Spit In My Eye

So You Think You Can Love Me & Leave Me To Die

Oh Baby , Can’t Do This To Me Baby !

Just Gotta Get Out , Just Gotta Get Right Outta Here”

In the supposed climax of the story the narrator finally decides to fight back by saying how does the society think that they can ruin him without any form of backlash expected , how everyone used to love his past self but the second he turned they left him alone

He ends this part by saying that it’s high time now he isn’t going to let anyone do this and he’s only waiting to get out of here to take his revenge

Outro -

“Ooh Yeah , Ooh Yeah Nothing Really Matters To Me

Nothing Really Matters To Me

Anyone Can See Nothing Really Matters To Me

Anyway The Wind Blows”

The story ends with the narrator having won his battle against the world all alone and how he’s all alone and nothing matters anymore

Conclusion

There maybe a million other interpretations this might’ve been Freddie’s coming out song where he says he killed his old heterosexual self and it’s time for him to live freely as a homosexual

Maybe this is about Freddie & all other members lives struggles or maybe something else

But 1 Thing Is Forever Sure

On 31st October 1975 Queen released something unmatchable and generational

Bohemian Rhapsody Is , Will & Forever Will Be One Of The Greatest Songs Of All Time

By -

Basal Crayon

#music #queen #Freddie Merucry #Brian May #Roger Taylor #John Deacon #Rock #rock music #Lyrics #Meaning

1 note · View note

binary5tar · 5 years

Text

Cresendo

AO3

Summary: You'd think having two boyfriends would make getting some action when you wanted it a given thing, but when both boyfriends were as busy as you recording an album, it made free time together a hard thing to come by.

It was starting to get to Yoongi.

Tags: Jimin/Yoongi/Hoseok, non-au, unspecified era, over stimulation, blindfolds, handcuffs, mut

A/N: I haven't written in a while and I especially haven't written this much smut in a while so... I hope it turned out okay. I feel like it did. Also... while there is no direct connection and I haven't written Hobi's chapter yet, this could be considered to take place in the furture from my other fic Surrender Love

You'd think having two boyfriends would make getting some action when you wanted it a given thing, but when both boyfriends were as busy as you recording an album, it made free time together a hard thing to come by.

It was starting to get to Yoongi.

Yoongi held the headphones to his ear as the beat pounded in them. His heart followed along picking up speed, and a touch of a adrenaline surged through him. He swayed his head back and forth feeling the rhythm. His energy kicked up when his part came. He was on.

The microphone was barely a centimeter from his lips, the air between them as charged as a first kiss. His lips and tongue moved through the syllables faster than even he could really register, moving with hours of practiced speed till it was coming from a place inside that was both other and his truest self. As he pounded out his verse, the feelings only increased. When he rapped, it was a high better than drugs, better than sex. He was invincible.

His hands moved of their own accord emphasizing the dis thrown to an invisible opponent. He got through the fastest part and barely gasped for breath to finish the verse, hitting each note in time with the beat. His words, his notes, his beats, all coming together. He laughed, cocky and proud at the end, panting a little. And then he was done.

Except he didn't feel it.

“Good job, Suga. I don’t think we need another take.” The producers voice came through the headphones. “J-Hope’s up next.”

It took a second to come back down, his heart still racing. He could leave.

He blinked. “Oh, yeah.” He bobbed his head and mumbled, “thanks.”

He pulled the headphones off and went for the door of the sound booth. Hoseok opened it first, grinning ear to ear.

“Good job, hyung! You're always so impressive!” Hoseok squeezed him on the shoulder as he passed. Yoongi tensed at the contact automatically, his eyes snapping to meet Hoseok's, a snarl curling is lips. The other rappers smile dropped, something darker burning in his eyes. Yoongi tried to relax and Hoseok recovered quickly. “I’ll try to be fast so we can head back,” he said low enough that only Yoongi could hear him.

Yoongi chewed his lip and nodded.

When he entered the room, the producer and everyone wanted to congratulate him. There was always more people around that he thought was necessary, low level producers, friends and girlfriends who wanted to see them record. It was annoying at the best of times, at the moment he had no patience.

“You did that in one take! Amazing,” some guy said. He was older than him but had the wide eyed innocence of someone not in the music business.

“Wow, you rap so fast.” Some girl with too much makeup put her hand on his arm and batted her eyelashes. A too loud part of him crowed with victory and wanted to lead her to the nearest bathroom. Instead he pulled away roughly and walked off.

He squeezed himself between Namjoon and the arm of the couch so he wouldn't have to sit next to someone he didn't know. Namjoon turned to him with a bright dimpled smile and opened his mouth to say something, his face faded to a soft knowing look. He looked away and focused on Hoseok in the booth.

Yoongi bounced his foot and nawed his thumb nail restlessly. His lips tingled and his tongue felt foreign in his mouth, too smooth and agile, flicking against his teeth. His heart still pounded, his body still tensed and ready for… something that wasn't coming.

He got this way during a performance. It's what let him turn on his other persona, and rap and sing and dance in a way that shy, awkward, introverted Min Yoongi could never do. He worried sometimes it made him come of as insincere on stage, but he didn't know of any other way to get through it.

When he performed, the roar of the crowd fed the unnamed need. It gave him more energy to fuel through to Suga or Agust D or whoever he was on stage. It was a feedback loop that ran until he was stated, the screams echoing to nothing and he all but collapsed into a chair backstage.

But in the recording studio it wasn't enough. He had to flip that switch to record at his best but he couldn't turn it back off without a struggle. They’d been weeks recording and the more often he had to try to pull back, the harder it was.

The world continued around him. The producers wanted his input on some parts of the song. They thought Hoseok’s lyrics would sound better with a slightly different overlay of beats. Yoongi could barely focus. He gnawed on his thumbnail to keep his mouth occupied and couldn’t stop bouncing his foot. Namjoon covered for him, proposing some ideas that didn’t require as much of Yoongi’s input.

Finally the day was over. Yoongi hid in the back corner of the van on the ride home. Hoseok sat in the seat in front which Yoongi was grateful for. He usually liked Hoseok's bright energy or quiet reassurance, but with the way Yoongi felt right now, they would either end up fighting or fucking. With Namjoon and the driver in the car, neither was a good idea.

When they got home, Hoseok let Namjoon go ahead of them and grabbed Yoongi’s shirt to hold him back. It irritated him, he just wanted to go to his room and he turned to snap at Hoseok.

“Wh-” the word didn't even finish forming on his lips when he caught Hoseok’s expression and cut himself off.

Hoseok had pushed his hair back off his forehead and twisted his hat around. He raised an eyebrow, eyes flashing dangerously. The look alone shot a bolt of arousal low through Yoongi’s belly, causing his cock to jump.

“Something bothering you hyung?” Hoseok asked stepping close and leaving just enough space to charge the air. He tilted his head at an angle, more aggressive than flirtatious.

Yoongi’s pent up energy suddenly had a place to go. He shoved Hoseok against the nearest wall, following close behind, planting his hands on either side of Hoseok’s head. He brought their mouths together in a brutal kiss, the force nearly drawing blood.

Hoseok shoved Yoongi away and pushed himself off the wall. He grabbed the front of Yoongi’s shirt and used it to pull them together again, teeth clashing and tongues tangling.

Hoseok maneuvered them so that Yoongi’s back hit the wall again. One of Hoseok’s hands found his and pinned it against the wall, the other gripped his hip hard as they kissed

Yoongi didn't even realize how hard he was till he felt Hoseok cup him through his jeans. He let out a groan, panting against Hoseok’s mouth.

“So hard already, hyung. We haven’t been taking very good care of you recently.” Hoseok stroked him through his jeans and Yoongi groaned again bucking up against him.

Hoseok pulled away after a moment and Yoongi bit his lip on a whimper. “Come on,” Hoseok said pulling him down the hall. "I’ve got a surprise.”

They were probably louder than they should have been in the hall but surprisingly no one was around. Hoseok led them to the room he shared with Jimin. He opened the door and Yoongi was surprised to see it was dimly lit, only a lamp draped in some red fabric on the desk.

He stepped inside and let out a gasp that quickly turned into a groan. Jimin was laid out on the bed naked, a familiar black silk cloth covering his eyes. His hands were over his head in black padded handcuffs that were tied to the head board. His skin glowed golden in the dim light. He didn't say anything when they entered but Yoongi saw him lick his lips in anticipation.

“Surprise,” Hoseok whispered against Yoongi’s ear.

He’d been so caught up in taking in the sight of Jimin that he hadn't realized Hoseok had stepped up right behind him. He gripped Yoongi’s hips, holding him back. “It’s been a long time since we teased Jiminie like this. I think last time we had him in tears begging to come before we let him. He was so desperate for it, begging us to fuck him. And then it was three times, right? Once on your tongue and then once on each of our cocks.” His words burned sweeter than alcohol through Yoongi’s veins. Hoseok brushed a tender kiss against Yoongi neck before adding, “I hope you aren't too tired to try for four.” The challenge was plain in his voice.

Yoongi scoffed. He was more than up for this. “Fuck that, let's try for five.”

On the bed, Jimin whimpered.

Hoseok laughed and pulled his shirt over his head. “Then what are you waiting for?”

Yoongi stripped down and climbed onto the bed. He hovered over Jimin, trying not to touch him.

For a moment he just stared, contemplating Jimin’s plump lips, the line of his collarbone, his dusky nipples.

“Hyung,” Jimin whispered, shifting his arms and twisting his hips. “Kiss me. Please.”

Yoongi smirked. “Begging already baby?” He leaned down and pepper soft kisses along Jimin’s neck, flicking his tongue out to taste Jimin’s skin. “I like it when you beg.” He pressed his hips down against Jimin's thigh so he could feel how hard he was. “It's not a good way to get want you want.” He nibbled along Jimin’s collar bone. “But keep trying.”

Jimin whined.

Hoseok sat down at the head of the bed, stretching his legs out next to Jimin. He was naked, his cock half hard against his belly. “So needy already.” He brushed the hair off Jimin’s forehead. “Good boy.” He leaned down and kissed Jimin’s cheek.

Jimin tried to turn to catch Hoseok’s mouth but he had already pulled away.

“Uh, uh, uh,” Hoseok chided.

Jimin pouted, his already full lower lip jutting out further. Yoongi couldn't resist leaning down and catching it between his teeth for a moment.

Jimin gasped, but Yoongi pulled away before Jimin could to more. He grunted in frustration, his hands pulling at the cuffs and making fists over his head. “Hyung!”

Yoongi laughed. “This is just the beginning.”

With that, Yoongi lower his mouth to Jimin’s neck and kissed his way up to behind his ear. He nibbled on the lobe and bit down just hard enough to draw a gasp from Jimin.

Yoongi grinned, making his way down again. This time he went lower, dragging his lips and tongue over Jimin’s chest, criss-crossing till he got low enough to capture one of Jimin’s nipples in his mouth.

Jimin moaned and arched his back. Yoongi didn't let go, sucking and flicking his tongue against the hardening nub. He could feel Jimin’s abs contracting beneath him as Jimin’s moans got louder. He pulled back and Jimin let out a shaky cry of dismay.

Hoseok slid down so he was lying alongside Jimin. Yoongi smirked at him. “Better view from there?”

Hoseok leaned forward to capture Yoongi’s lips in a kiss. It was more skillful this time, a smooth meeting of tongue and lips. Hoseok's fingers tangled in Yoongi’s hair, holding him close. Yoongi's tongue didn't feel foreign now.

Jimin made a small noise beneath them.

Yoongi dropped his mouth to Jimin’s other nipple, putting it through the same treatment.

Hoseok leaned over Jimin this time.

“We didn't forget about you,” he murmured, lips hovering over Jimin’s. Jimin tilted his head up in response, huffing a little in annoyance and desperation.

Hoseok brushed his lips against Jimin’s, before giving him what he wanted. Jimin sighed into the kiss.

Yoongi bit down on Jimin’s nipple, making him jump and moan into Hoseok's mouth. Yoongi lapped at the abused skin to sooth it.

Hoseok slid his hand down between Yoongi and Jimin to palm Jimin’s cock. Jimin cried out.

“He’s really enjoying that hyung. Think we can make him come just from that?” Hoseok asked, licking the pre from his hand.

“Maybe someday,” Yoongi murmured. “Right now I want a taste of something else.”

He slid further down, leaving a trail of kisses over Jimin’s abs and hips till he settled between Jimin’s thighs. Jimin’s cock was hard and dark against his belly, leaving a puddle of pre in his barely there happy trail.

Yoongi breathed over the shaft, just barely brushing his lips against it. Jimin shivered and gasped. He dipped his tongue in the pool of pre, his tongue flicking lightly against the head of Jimin’s cock. Jimin’s hips twitched up, looking for more. Yoongi crawled back over Jimin and kissed him for the first time that night, sharing the salty sweet taste. Their tongues met sloppy and unhurried. Jimin moaned when the taste hit his mouth.

“Fruits good for more than your skin and weight loss,” Yoongi said when he pulled away, grinning. He could see Jimin’s eyes roll despite the blind fold.

He ignored it and shimmied back down for more, this time sharing with Hoseok.

“Mmm why don't you put that tongue to good use,” Hoseok said when they finished their kiss. He tapped Jimin on the side. “Roll over.”

Yoongi crawled out of the way so Jimin could flip onto his stomach and pull himself up on to his knees and elbows.

Yoongi got behind him and could help the groan he let out at the sight of Jimin’s ass on display, the perfect curve of it with his hole just waiting to be licked and fucked.

Hoseok slapped Jimin on the ass making him moan and bite his lip, a faint pink hand print left behind. Hoseok soothed it with a soft stroke, looking at Yoongi.

“This is what you needed, right? All that pent up energy?” His expression dared Yoongi to deny it. He didn't. Hoseok leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the swell of Jimin’s ass. “Take it out on Jiminie. I know you can make him come from just your tongue. I wanna see it.”

Jimin whimpered and Yoongi groaned. Hoseok’s words weren't that dirty, certainly nothing they hadn’t done before, but the command in them made Yoongi’s knees weak.

He didn't need to be told twice. He licked a long striped over Jimin’s hole with the flat of his tongue. Jimin cried out in surprise and pleasure. Yoongi didn't give Jimin time to adjust. He spread Jimin’s cheeks and swirled his tongue around the furled muscle, prodding with the tip.

Jimin buried and head in his arms to stifle the moans and arched his back to give Yoongi a better angle.

Hoseok sat back to watch as Yoongi worked Jimin open, stroking himself occasionally. The pillow didn’t do enough to smother Jimin’s moans as he got louder. Hoseok untied the cuffs from the bed and slid himself in front of Jimin, legs spread.

“Making too much noise, Jiminah,” Hoseok whispered, running his fingers through Jimin’s hair.

“I can't help it. Feels so good,” Jimin gasped.

Yoongi smirked at Hoseok over Jimin’s back.

“I know, but it's late and the others might be sleeping.” Hoseok cupped Jimin’s cheek, stroking his thumb across Jimin’s bottom lip. Jimin latched onto it immediately.

Hoseok let him for a moment then pulled his hand away. “I’ve got something else for you.”

Jimin nodded wordlessly as Hoseok guided his mouth onto his cock. Jimin sucked and bobbed his head but was too distracted by Yoongi to focus.

Yoongi had worked Jimin open enough to press one spit slicked finger inside. He slid it in and out slowly, licking and nibbling at the swollen pink skin as he did. Jimin moaned around Hoseok’s cock. Yoongi angled his finger down and Jimin’s cock twitched, dripping more pre onto the wet spot between his legs.

“You gonna come for me baby?” Yoongi asked making sure Jimin could feel his breath against his ass. “You’re so hard, I know you’re close.”

Jimin whined. “You gonna come for hyung already Jimin-ah?” Hoseok taunted, stroking his fingers through Jimin’s hair.

Yoongi pulled his finger out and replaced it with his tongue, spreading Jimin’s cheeks to get as deep as he could. He could feel Jimin’s thighs tense as the garbled noises he was making got higher and louder.

“Be good and come for hyung,” Hoseok commanded from the head of the bed and even Yoongi wanted to comply.

Yoongi worked his tongue and he felt Jimin clench as spurts of come painted across the bed in time with the movements. Jimin moaned loudly, the noise only slightly muffled by Hoseok’s cock.

Yoongi didn't pull away till Jimin's groans of pleasure turned to whimpers of over stimulation.

“Hyung, let me fuck his hole first. He's been too distracted to do much for me this way.” Hoseok gestured at where Jimin lay panting against his thigh.

Yoongi nodded as he wiped spit from his chin and side stepped out of the way on his knees. He watched Hoseok easily slide two fingers into Jimin's spit sloppy hole. Jimin made a pathetic noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan.

“The lube is in the night stand.” Hoseok nodded toward a drawer and Yoongi reached over to fish it out. Hoseok squeezed some over his cock and Jimin's hole and tossed the bottle to the side. Hoseok slicked himself and Yoongi watched as he used three fingers this time to push the lube passed Jimin's rim. As much as Yoongi loved using his mouth, it didn't have the same visual effect, and he groaned along with Jimin to see his pink rim engulf Hoseok’s fingers.

“Ready, baby?” Hoseok asked when he'd moved his fingers and lined his cock up.

“Mmm fuck, yes. Please.” Jimin's voice was wrecked.

Hoseok slammed in and Jimin cried out. He only gave him a moment to adjust before he was pounding into him. Jimin grabbed the sheets to avoid being pushed up the bed, huffing out a high moan with every thrust.

Yoongi palmed his cock, smearing the pre over the slit with his thumb. Hoseok noticed.

“If your tongue still isn't tired...” He reached around to grab Jimin's bicep and hauled him back. It pulled at the handcuffs so he slid one hand across to support his chest. He couldn't thrust as hard in this angle so instead he ground his hips slowly making Jimin whine. The position left Jimin's cock more easily accessible.

“How long do you think he can last getting it from both of us?” Hoseok sucked and licked at the back of Jimin's neck. “Ready to come again for us Jiminie?” He whispered with sweet menace. Jimin whimpered and Yoongi smirked laying on the bed to better position himself.

He grabbed Jimin's cock giving it a few lazy pumps. Jimin moaned and squirmed back against Hoseok, only to moan louder. Yoongi brought his cock to his mouth, flicking his tongue around the tip in slow circles and lapping up the leftover drops of come and pre. He worked his way down, taking Jimin deeper into his mouth with slow licks and flicks of his tongue. He massaged the vein along the underside when he got too deep for anything more.

Yoongi switched angle so he could take Jimin down his throat. When Hoseok noticed, he started thrusting harder, pushing Jimin's cock past his gag reflex and fucking Yoongi's throat.

Above him, Jimin keened and whined. His thighs shook as he built toward a second orgasm.

“Hyung’s mouth feels good, doesn’t it?” Hoseok whispered noticing the same signs Yoongi had. “Gonna come and let him taste it?”

Yoongi swallowed around Jimin's cock trying to relax his throat. He snuck quick gasping breaths through his nose between thrusts. He could feel drool leaking from the corner of his mouth and tears welling in his eyes.

Hoseok looked down at the mess and groaned. “Look how bad he wants it. Fuck Jiminah, he's taking your cock so good. Gonna come for him right?”

His legs shook and this time Jimin went silent as he came, head falling back against Hoseok’s shoulder.

Yoongi gagged and gulped, swallowing down Jimin's come when filled the back of his mouth.

“Fuck you feel so good on my cock when you come,” Hoseok grated into Jimin's ear. He resumed his harsh pace, chasing his own release. Yoongi lapped at Jimin's softening cock, and the combination drew a pathetic mewl from Jimin.

Yoongi relented and sat up to watch. With the space vacated Jimin collapsed onto his front, ass still barely in the air on wide spread hips. He stretched his arms over his head, clenching his still bound hands into fist. Hoseok followed panting and groaning as he came.

They lay there a moment before Hoseok sat up. He slapped each of Jimin's ass cheeks hard enough for the sound and Jimin's yelps to echo around the room and leave faint pink hand prints on his skin.

“Roll over.” Hoseok was obviously tired but there was still command in his voice.

Jimin complied. Yoongi crawled between his legs.

Hoseok brushed the hair off of Jimin's sweaty forehead. “Can you take more?”

Yoongi kissed the inside of Jimin's knee and he shudder from the contact. “You okay for more?” Yoongi asked as grabbed the discarded lube and slicked himself up.

Jimin nodded spreading his legs wider in wordless invitation. Yoongi wasted no time lining up and pushing in.

“I'll go slow baby, alright?” Yoongi whispered. Jimin nodded.

Yoongi did, rolling his hips and watching his cock get swallowed up by Jimin's hole, over and over. “God you feel amazing all wet with Hoseokie's come in you,” Yoongi murmured.

“And so beautiful, all sweaty and fucked out,” Hoseok added. “I love seeing you like this.” He leaned forward and kissed Jimin, slow and deep.

Jimin moaned, his cock stirring to life again.

“You're doing so good for us Jiminah.” Hoseok continued to whisper praises and compliments between kisses.

Yoongi increased his pace, pushing Jimin's legs higher to get a better angle.

“You feel so good. Fuck I'm gonna come soon. Will you come for us one more time?” Yoongi's voice was more desperate than he would ever admit to.

Hoseok reached between them with a spit slicked hand to stroke Jimin, only half hard. He whimpered, body shaking.

Yoongi tried to ignore the gathering pressure of his own orgasm and thrust harder. Jimin keened and writhed in Hoseok’s grasp looking impossibly desperate, caught between pleasure and the pain of over stimulation. Yoongi could barely hang on but luckily Jimin cried out as his cock gave a few pathetic spurt. Yoongi was right behind him stilling and releasing inside Jimin.

When he was done he collapsed to the side, panting. He rolled to his side and looked down at Jimin. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, there were damp spots at the edge of the blindfold and his lips were swollen, pink and plump. “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Yoongi murmured pulling off the blindfold as Hoseok unlocked the cuffs. Jimin wound his arms around Yoongi’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. “That was amazing. You were amazing.” Yoongi said stroking his cheek with one hand.

Jimin nodded, sighing happily

Hoseok appeared with a towel and a package of wipes. He tossed the wipes to Yoongi and started to clean Jimin up. He shivered from the over stimulation.

“You okay? You need anything?” Hoseok asked, and Jimin shook his head.

“Just you.” He smiled tiredly and looked at Yoongi. “Both of you.”

They finished cleaning up and arranged themselves in Jimin's bed, ignoring the damp spots of come and who know what else. Jimin tucked his face against Hoseok's chest while Yoongi curled around Jimin’s back. Hoseok had shut the lamp off and the room was dark now.

Yoongi kissed Jimin's bare shoulder feeling calm and sated for the first time in weeks.

“Feel better hyung?” Hoseok asked over Jimin.

“Yeah, I needed that.” He sighed, at ease.

“I know. Sorry it got so bad.” Hoseok apologized.

“Hyung, if you need something, let us know alright? We want to help.” Jimin reminded him.

“We were all so busy,” Yoongi muttered as an excuse.

“So, we'll find the time of we need to. You'd do it for us, right?” Jimin rolled to his back to peer at Yoongi in the dark.

“Of course!”

“So we want to do the same for you. Just ask, that way we can plan better and Hoseok-hyung doesn't have to send out last minute texts warning everyone we were gonna be loud tonight.”

“That’s why is was so quiet when we got home.” Yoongi realized.

Jimin nodded.

“We want to take care of you the same as you'd take care of us. We love you.” Hoseok leaned forward to peck Yoongi on the lips pulling back to make room for Jimin to do the same.

“I love you too.” Yoongi said with quietly. “I'll try to do better.”

The other two nodded.

“Can we go to sleep now?” Yoongi asked after a minute suppressing a yawn.

They snuggled back into bed, but Jimin wasn't done yet.

“You know, I'm a little disappointed,” he mumbled, but Yoongi recognized a teasing tone. “The record still stands at three.”

“Are you saying you want more?” Yoongi asked, incredulous.

“No! Not now anyway. But you'll have to try again sometime.” Yoongi couldn't see him but he could hear the grin.

Yoongi rolled his eyes, making a noise half way between a laugh and scoff.

“We will sometime.” Hoseok kissed the top of Jimin's head. “For now, go to bed.”

Jimin sighed sleepily and it wasn't long before they were all sound asleep.

Tagging: @kimlinebiased @wonhojiminie

#bangtanarmynet #yoonseokmin #sopemin #smut #tash's crappy writing

84 notes · View notes

dreamersscape · 5 years

Photo

Note: This ask is from ages upon ages ago, and I’d like to offer my deepest apologies to whoever requested this. It was very important to me that I answer thoroughly and in as articulate a manner as possible, and I’m embarrassed how slow accomplishing that took me. I hope that somehow you’re able to see this post, and you’re able to get something out of my rambling.

Thank you again for your patience in awaiting my answer, nonnie! I’m excited to put this headcanon of mine into words. It’s not often I have really specific and/or detailed HCs, I’ll admit; usually I stick to extrapolating off of canon. And while that’s sort of what I’ve done here, it seems to have happened mostly on a subconscious level, stewing until I realized a pattern forming within nearly all my fic plot bunnies.

It’s also possibly a key to how I understand Allan as a character, so… that’s kinda cool.

Okay, so Allan doesn’t really present as an overly anxious person, does he? At least, not in comparison to some of the other characters, like Much, who is utterly incapable of suppressing his anxiety. If Much is feeling apprehensive about something, you’re going to know it. So why then did I begin to notice my habit of, once he’s been stressed past a certain point, characterizing Allan’s emotional breaking points almost always as him tailspinning into a state of profound anxiety/panic? Well, partly because Allan just really REALLY sucks at dealing with negative experiences/emotions. His preferred method of coping with anything is to internalize the heck out of it, stuff it deep down inside, and then hope he never has to think about it ever again i.e. avoidance at all costs. And that appears to work… for awhile. He’s good at living in the present, ignoring past events and future repercussions. (Side note: a big reason why I also think substance abuse or other similar escapes could be quite alluring to him.) Eventually though, because it’s never been dealt with or even confronted, something triggers the release of all that pent up stress and negativity. He basically builds this towering pile of Bad Things, and so when it gets knocked over, it manages to completely overwhelm him. But until he’s thrown off-kilter and the pile loses balance and tips over, he’s mostly able to coast along, maintaining a relatively calm exterior while mired in turbulent inner seas.

Now, I realize I haven’t given much in the way of evidence for this yet, or explained why I think this all happens within the framework of a very anxious mindset. Hopefully I’m getting there. But that preceding paragraph is there to show how I find I characterize Allan as a result. (I probably wouldn’t have figured out this pattern of sorts if I could ever resist making things the Absolute Worst Imaginable Confluence of Events for Allan in my fic ideas, but that’s a “problem” for another day.)

What I’ve found is the key for me to get in Allan’s head and see things from his perspective is this: fear is his #1 motivator and it constantly feeds into his #1 priority, which is self-preservation. That goal of personal safety develops and eventually changes over the course of the show, but certainly for the greater part of the first two seasons, that is what primarily drives him. (For what I believe drives him from the end of 2x12 onwards, see here.)

For the most part, I’d say it’s pretty safe to say self-preservation-as-priority-number-one in regards to Allan’s character is generally widely accepted by the fans of the show. But opinions on why and how that came to be might vary more. I don’t know, maybe proposing that fear is the major driving force behind Allan’s decisions and behavior is not very revolutionary, but that is what I’d like to posit and explore in this post.

So, why do I think Allan is constantly consumed by his own personal well being above all else, to the point where its essentially become an automatic filter overlaying the way he interacts with the world? (I’m not intending to dramatically overstate things here, BTW; this is just how deeply ingrained I believe it is.) To me, this indicates at some point early on in his life something or a series of events convinced Allan that the world was an inherently dangerous place and you needed to always be on your guard for the next threat around any corner. This trauma could have taken a variety of forms depending on your headcanon, but IMO it’s clear from Allan’s canonical behavior that it happened. Things that could point to this include, but are not limited to, the sparse background information we do learn about (Tom abandoning him and simultaneously stealing all his belongings, his apparent total lack of vocation despite his father being a blacksmith) as well as how he interacts with his brother (his over-identification with Tom–”I was like him once”–mixed in with the understandable trust issues, Tom’s borderline antisocial behavior in general, and I also wrote here about how their dynamic possibly alludes to a dysfunctional home life). With that as a fundamental part of your worldview, it’s easy to understand why you and your anxiety might have become good friends. He has no base level understanding or measure of being/feeling safe. Or maybe he once did, but there isn’t a way to go back or recapture that.

Another component of Allan’s anxiety I’d like to highlight is his personal locus of control. Locus of control is a psychology term that evaluates ‘the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control.’ It’s usually described in terms of being internal (belief that one can control one’s own life) or external (belief that life is controlled by outside factors which the person cannot influence, or that chance or fate controls their lives). ‘Individuals with a strong internal locus of control believe events in their life derive primarily from their own actions: for example, when receiving exam results, people with an internal locus of control tend to praise or blame themselves and their abilities. People with a strong external locus of control tend to praise or blame external factors such as the teacher or the exam.’ I definitely believe Allan has an external-based locus of control, and I think we see this in how reactive and defensive he is to his environment and in his tendency to shift the blame or not take personal responsibility for his actions. As opposed to Marian’s and Robin’s “everything is a choice” mantra, Allan often feels he has/had “no choice”, or feels “stuck”. Consequently, this lack of perceived ability to dictate and be accountable for one’s actions can make you feel very powerless. And if you believe the world is a unpredictable, dangerous place and there’s little you can do to affect or change that, you’d likely feel pretty fearful and anxious. Indeed, there has been research that concludes that people with an external locus of control tend to be more stressed and are more prone to clinical depression.

Now, I realize the preceding two paragraphs are either relying heavily on speculation or pretty technical terminology, so I’d like to conclude by referring directly to Allan’s behavior as evidence of his frequent anxiety. It is still in production, but I am working on a comprehensive gifset of every time Allan outwardly demonstrates anxiety. I’ll link it here once it’s finished. (Spoiler warning: it’s going to be a whopper of a gifset.) But until then, I think it’s notable that Allan exhibits a wide range of behaviors that typically denote anxiety. Licking his lips, swallowing/gulping, sweaty palms, fidgeting with something in his hands (could also be a sign of excess energy, but there are three instances of this in the first two episodes of the show alone, and this often seems to happen when it’s implied Allan has excess nervous energy), shifty eyes or a gaze that is unable to meet anyone else’s, hands on head in dismay, etc. It’s subtle because Allan’s doing his best to suppress it–he doesn’t want it to show because that would mean looking vulnerable/weak, which is not safe and a terrifying prospect when you live in a unpredictable, dangerous world–but if you’re looking for it, it’s there.

In summary, on the outside Allan projects a calm, self-assured, doesn’t-take-anything-too-seriously, cheerful, amiable image. And that is a legitimate part of who he is. He’s cultivated that facade for so long that it has taken on a life of its own. However, on the inside, he is ALSO a lot of the time an unsure, self-doubting, self-destructive, fearful, angst-ridden bundle of nerves. So that’s why when I read a story where Allan is ONLY portrayed as the former with none of the latter, it just doesn’t feel like Allan to me. In those cases, it’s as though I’m reading about a vaguely Allan-shaped empty shell. And I get it–it’s hard to always show all those sides of Allan when he’s not one of the main characters or he’s not the primary focus of the fic. Or the author might not be at all inclined to have Allan’s role be more than a surface level portrayal, and that’s okay. Not everything should be about Allan! But I also think there is often room for hints; Allan’s facade does have cracks. All this to say, Allan’s layers and contradictions are an intrinsic part of his character’s essence for me, including his anxieties/insecurities/fears, and his life has largely been built on that apprehensive foundation.

TL;DR Allan’s anxiety not only exists, it dictates much of what he thinks, says, and does, and the poor guy needs a ton of therapy.

sources for the locus of control info:

Rotter, Julian B (1966). “Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement”. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied. 80: 1–28. Carlson, N.R., et al. (2007). Psychology: The Science of Behaviour - 4th Canadian ed.. Toronto, ON: Pearson Education Canada. Benassi, Victor A; Sweeney, Paul D; Dufour, Charles L (1988). “Is there a relation between locus of control orientation and depression?”. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. 97 (3): 357–367.

#ask dreamersscape a question #anonymous #answered ask #allan a dale #robin hood bbc #bbc robin hood #robin hood meta #my stuff #as happy as i am that this is finally finished #i'm also high-key terrified about posting it #this is absolutely how i see allan but i like group consensus so much and it makes me super uncomfortable to stick out like a sore thumb #and i don't want it to sound like my seeing allan as deeply traumatized and #having such a messed up mindset excuses his poor/harmful/dunderheaded decisions #my intention is not to woobify him #(although i must admit i'm not sure if i fully understand the term?)#but i am /deeply/ curious about everyone's thoughts on what i've postulated here #does this all make sense?#because it's so integral to how i view allan...#please come talk to me about allan it's been so looonnnggg #oh also #*dons cap*#this is my amateur psychologist's hat #my mom was a school psychologist though #so i come by my fascination with the subject naturally :)#my gang to me day will never be over in our hearts queue

12 notes · View notes