#also no editing whatsoever we die like men
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Building Jean Grey in DnD 5e
All images featured are credited to the user that edited and posted them, not me.
The idea of a Character Forge is shamelessly taken from @raeynbowboi, whose posts I love, and drew a ton of inspiration from.
Jean Grey has always been one of my favorite Marvel characters, ever since I saw her for the first time in the 2000 X-Men movie, portrayed by Famke Janssen. I hope I did her justice, haha.
I contemplated making her a Kalashtar for free telepathy, but Variant Human fits better, and with this build we end up getting telepathy from multiple sources anyway. I feel like something a lot of portrayals of Jean don't do is her original origin story.
At ten years old, her best friend died traumatically in front of her, and Jean's newly awakened powers gave her a front row seat to the emotions and thoughts of a dying girl. Professor Xavier then suppressed her telepathic abilities.
WTF??? That's a lot for anybody, let alone a ten year old.
So I think her background is 100% Haunted One.
"You are haunted by something so terrible that you dare not speak of it. You’ve tried to bury it and run away from it, to no avail. Whatever this thing is that haunts you can’t be slain with a sword or banished with a spell. It might come to you as a shadow on the wall, a bloodcurdling nightmare, a memory that refuses to die, or a demonic whisper in the dark. The burden has taken its toll, isolating you from most people and making you question your sanity. You must find a way to overcome it before it destroys you."
Unfortunately I think that's a great descriptor for Jean.
Through the Haunted One background, we're going to take Arcana and Religion proficiences, as well as two free languages. It really depends on the campaign which language would work best, but I took Dwarvish and Infernal.
Aberrant Mind Sorcerer
I immediately thought of Aberrant Mind Sorcerer for her base class. Sorcerer fits any mutant with spellcasting-like abilities, and Jean's main powers are her telepathy and telekinesis. Aberrant Mind sorcerers get telepathy at first level, but they don't have any inherent telekinesis baked in. As a Variant Human though we can pick a free feat, so we'll naturally go with Telekinetic.
This feat gives us access to the mage hand cantrip and a telekinetic shove ability that's perfect for Jean.
You could definitely go all 20 levels with Sorcerer, but I think it leaves out a very important part of Jean's character: the Phoenix Force. It was obvious to me the best way to represent the Phoenix Force was with the Warlock class.
Great Old One Warlock
I think it's also no question that the Great Old One patron is the best fit for the Phoenix Force. In its first appearance in 1976, its described as one of the oldest known cosmic entities in the universe. Its origin, capabilities, and motives are a mystery. Sure sounds like a "mysterious entity whose nature is utterly foreign to the fabric of reality" to me.
What level split you do is up to you, but I did 8 in Sorcerer and 12 in Warlock, just because Warlock gets more in the 9-12 levels than Sorcerer. Aberrant Mind Sorcerer's don't get any subclass features whatsoever between levels 6 and 14, whereas Great Old One Warlocks get Thought Shield at level 10.
Stats and Proficiences
Her highest stat should be Charisma, and from there it's really up to you. A high Constitution is always good and can represent that extra durability from the Phoenix Force. Her Dexterity should be kept in mind too, since she won't be wearing any armor. Technically she can wear light armor, but it isn't super necessary, since I took the eldritch invocation that gives unlimited mage armor.
Proficiencies: arcana, deception, insight, intimidation, perception, persuasion, religion, light armor, and simple weapons
Spellbook
You're obviously going to want as many psoinic style spells as possible for Jean. Her main source of damage is going to be her magic, since Jean is never really depicted using weapons. She's going to be relying mainly on her cantrips to do damage in this build, since I wanted to pick up as many "utility" spells as possible.
As an Aberrant Mind Sorcerer, she automatically learns several Psion Spells.
Mind Sliver (Cantrip)
Arms of Hadar (1st)
Dissonant Whispers (1st)
Calm Emotions (2nd)
Detect Thoughts (2nd)
Hunger of Hadar (3rd)
Sending (3rd)
Evard’s Black Tentacles (4th)
Summon Aberration (4th)
Through Warlock invocations, she can cast False Life, Jump, and Mage Armor on herself at will. She can also cast Confusion once per day via the Dreadful Word invocation.
Almost all of the invocations I chose were ones that give her more spells for less, since as a Sorcerer/Warlock she is more limited in spell slots than another spellcaster might be.
A few other spells that I would say are absolutely essential for Jean are Fly, Psychic Lance, Telekinesis, and Dream.
As her Mystic Arcanum, the Warlock feature that lets her have 1 use of a sixth level spell, I chose Investiture of Flame. It definitely feels like a Dark Phoenix moment to me.
See the rest of her statistics and spell list below the cut.
Name: Jean Elaine Grey-Summers, Marvel Girl/Phoenix
Race: Variant Human
Background: Haunted One
Alignment: Neutral Good
Class: Aberrant Mind Sorcerer 8
Great Old One Warlock 12
Base Stats:
Strength: 8 -1
Dexterity: 14 +2
Constitution: 16 +3
Intelligence: 10 +0
Wisdom: 15 +2
Charisma: 19 +4
Saving Throws:
Strength: -1
Dexterity: +2
Constitution: +9
Intelligence: +0
Wisdom: +2
Charisma: +10
Combat Stats:
HP: 8d6 + 12d8 or 154 total
AC: 12 (unarmored), 15 (mage armor)
Speed: 30
Initiative: +2
Proficiency Bonus: +6
Passive Perception: 8
Dark Vision: 120 feet
Languages:
Common
Elvish
Infernal
Dwarvish
Proficiencies:
Arcana (Haunted One)
Religion (Haunted One)
Deception (Beguiling Influence Warlock Invocation)
Insight (Sorcerer)
Intimidation (Sorcerer)
Perception (Sorcerer)
Persuasion (Beguiling Influence Warlock Invocation)
Damage Resistances:
Psychic
Damage Immunities:
None
Feats
Telekinetic. (TCoE, pg. 81)
You learn to move things with your mind, granting you the following benefits:
Increase your Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma score by 1, to a maximum of 20.
You learn the mage hand cantrip. You can cast it without verbal or somatic components, and you can make the spectral hand invisible. If you already know this spell, its range increases by 30 feet when you cast it. Its spellcasting ability is the ability increased by this feat.
As a bonus action, you can try to telekinetically shove one creature you can see within 30 feet of you. When you do so, the target must succeed on a Strength saving throw (DC 8 + your proficiency bonus + the ability modifier of the score increased by this feat) or be moved 5 feet toward you or away from you. A creature can willingly fail this save.
War Caster. (PHB, pg. 170) Prerequisite: The ability to cast at least one spell
You have practiced casting spells in the midst of combat, learning techniques that grant you the following benefits:
You have advantage on Constitution saving throws that you make to maintain your concentration on a spell when you take damage.
You can perform the somatic components of spells even when you have weapons or a shield in one or both hands.
When a hostile creature's movement provokes an opportunity attack from you, you can use your reaction to cast a spell at the creature, rather than making an opportunity attack. The spell must have a casting time of 1 action and must target only that creature.
Metamagic Adept. (TCoE, pg. 80) Prerequisite: Spellcasting or Pact Magic feature
You’ve learned how to exert your will on your spells to alter how they function:
You learn two Metamagic options of your choice from the sorcerer class. You can use only one Metamagic option on a spell when you cast it, unless the option says otherwise. Whenever you reach a level that grants the Ability Score Improvement feature, you can replace one of these Metamagic options with another one from the sorcerer class.
You gain 2 sorcery points to spend on Metamagic (these points are added to any sorcery points you have from another source but can be used only on Metamagic). You regain all spent sorcery points when you finish a long rest.
In all my campaigns I've played we've allowed a free feat at level 1. I would chose War Caster or Survivor for Jean in that case.
Survivor.
You are well-versed in surviving in hostile environments, even thriving where others are sure to perish. You gain the following benefits:
Increase your Constitution or Wisdom score by 1, to a maximum of 20.
You require only half of the food and water normally required for a creature of your size.
You can withstand extreme temperatures indefinitely, and you automatically pass saving throws made against extreme heat and cold for a number of days equal to your Constitution or Wisdom modifier, whichever is lower. After this time, you must make saving throws as normal until you spend 24 hours in a comfortable temperature.
Level Choices:
Level 4: Ability Score Increase. +1 Charisma, +1 Wisdom
Level 8: War Caster Feat.
Level 12: Ability Score Increase. +1 Dexterity, +1 Charisma
Level 16: Ability Score Increase. +1 Charisma, +1 Constitution
Level 19: Metamagic Adept Feat.
Jean’s Spellbook
Cantrips: Dancing Lights, Eldritch Blast, Friends, Gust, Lightning Lure, Mage Hand, Mending, Message, Mind Sliver, Minor Illusion, Prestidigitation
1st level: Arms of Hadar, Dissonant Whispers, False Life (at will), Feather Fall, Hellish REbuke, Jump (at will), Mage Armor (at will), Magic Missile, Shield
2nd level: Calm Emotions, Detect Thoughts, Hold Person, Invisbility, Mind Spike, Shatter
3rd level: Clairvoyance, Counterspell, Dispel Magic, Fly, Hunger of Hadar, Lightning Bolt, Sending, Slow
4th level: Evard’s Black Tentacles, Hallucinatory Terrain, Raulothim's Psychic Lance, Shadow of Moil, Sickening Radiance, Summon Aberration
5th level: Telekinesis, Dream, Wall of Light
6th level: Investiture of Flame
Features:
I decided not to paste them all haha. But if you want to see all of the features she has an more, you can follow this link to her character sheet in DnD Beyond, which I used to facilitate this build.
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Assorted Moulin Rouge! Stockholm thoughts:
I think it was Thalia's guidance that led me to the front of the balcony in this performance. You see, I've never been a fan of Moulin Rouge! the movie (mostly because of the way it's edited – the music video kinda style is too fast for me; it already feels like that inside my brain all the time, I don't need any more of that in a cinematic format), and though I've listened to the Broadway cast recording a lot, I wouldn't call myself a fan of the musical either. And yet, when they announced the Stockholm production, I knew I had to go to see it.
So, thank you, Thalia, for your guidance and blessing. The show absolutely slapped all the way through.
However... as I said, I'm not a MR! fan, so this point has probably been made a million times and I just haven't seen it, but: the love story in this is... kinda awful, right? Like, I know it's the whole point that Christian is young and naïve and goes mad with love, but oh man, when he goes full young werther near the end and the dying woman has to talk/sing him out of committing suicide in front of a whole audience of people... dunno, I just think he could've handled Satine's rejection a whole lot better, right?
Also, to me, the story would actually be more touching if Satine wasn't dying quite so actively. I know it's an adaptation of La traviata, I know their use of the dying courtesan character archetype is very deliberate – but even so, to me, it would feel more tragic if Satine had to leave with the Duke in the end, living a rich but empty life as his mistress, with only the memory of her and Christian's song left of her true love. There must be fanfics like this, I gotta go read them.
Anyway, I'm not watching and loving this for the story, I'm watching and loving it for the vibes. And the vibes were 100% right in Stockholm. It's not a serious show or something to be taken seriously at all, it's just kitch and glitz and glamour and fun, but with just enough of a dark edge to keep it interesting to me.
Speaking of Satine, though: as @veilingofthesun wrote, Marsha Songcome was made for the role. I don't really have any insights about the character or the performance (it's hard to analyse perfection), I just want to point out that she was just right for the role.
I promised you Harold Zidler posting, so here goes: I'm in love with Morgan Alling in the role. Like. It's not very girlboss feminist of me, but can't help it, middle-aged musical men are my kryptonite. I knew this was going to happen, and here we are. Alling has such a kind energy somehow, and it suits the role surprisingly well! We're creatures of the underworld, we cannot afford to love my ass – he so clearly loves Satine, not romantically of course, but loves her nevertheless. There was something so real/human about the character to me. I gotta see this again just so I can analyse him further.
Also loved Alexander Larsson as Toulouse-Lautrec. What a voice! And Fred Johanson as the Duke of course – he does a great villain and his voice is to die for, just shame about the awful wig.
Currently, MR! the musical is running in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark. They're not Broadway replicas, but they're all replica productions of each other, directed by Anders Albien (+ co-directors from Norway and Denmark, I think). Seeing how they've all premiered a couple of weeks within each other, I'd love to hear about the logistics of the thing – how did the creative team manage three simultaneous productions? (Also, why is Finland not a part of this so-called "Nordic production"? Or might we be getting our share later on? I've no doubt whatsoever that MR! is coming to Finland soon, but I'm curious to see if it'll be this production or something else.)
They sung in English but spoke in Swedish. I understand this musical must be an absolute nightmare to translate, and here, since both of those are foreign languages to me, it didn't bother me too much. But if they do the same thing in the eventual Finnish production of MR!, I think I'll have a bigger problem with it, since having to switch between my native language and a foreign language feels more awkward.
tl;dr: Moulin Rouge! Stockholm slaps and I have to see it again, who's coming with me?
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if anon hasn't swung by yet, i'm here to ask what happens when remy realizes when he's in love with patton
Yes hello!! Welcome to: so you’re a gay bastard who’s just met a literal ray of sunshine who’s as fluffy and soft and sugary sweet as a marshmallow. falling in love’s inevitable, but how does the gay bastard recognize when it’s happened to him??? come find out!
set in the Mindscape because I Said So
Remy exists as a function of Thomas
Most functions just live in the Imagination but he’s active enough he gets his own room with the sides
(Technically it’s just a guest bedroom that’s in Thomas’s house- Remy took the memory of it and put it in the mindscape to use, which is why Thomas can never accurately remember the room or its layout when he’s not in it sjdbfhjsd)
That’s not super important but I wanted to say it
Anyways
Remy interacts with the other sides, of course
He doesn’t always get on amazingly with all of them, though
As a technical ward of the Imagination, Remy feels… slightly awkward dealing with Roman or Remus extensively. It’s not like he can’t, it just feels off
He and Virgil can be snarky and sassy together but they also clash a good amount when it comes to bedtime for Thomas
He’s not really ever up against Logan or Deceit, and they get on well enough, but it’s not like they click like natural friends or anything (shocking, I know, given my losleep agenda, but shhhh I haven’t gotten to the good part of this bullet fic)
Patton, however, is the exception
Sure, Remy may not be a happy-pappy optimist like Patton is, but surprisingly enough… he appreciates Patton’s brightness, his sunny outlook, his big smiles and sweet offers
And Patton is surprisingly accepting of Remy’s snark and sass and snap. He finds them amusing, enjoys entertaining his quips and returning them with puns and wordplay and giggles
Their friendship’s a quick-formed one, one that’s usually found chatting in the kitchen while Remy abuses the coffee machine and Patton bakes, but also in the Commons watching various shows you’d never expect them to watch, and in each other’s rooms when it’s late and they should be sleeping but they can’t for one reason or another so they waste the time sipping hot cocoa and talking together instead, and more
It’s good. They’re good.
Remy really should have seen this coming
He has a lot of chances to fall in love with Patton
And he takes all these chances very happily
But there’s only one where he realizes that he’s fallen, and fallen HARD
There were many moments that could have been ‘the one’
Like one of the few times he chose to bake instead of just watch with his coffee, him complaining about the mess while Patton laughed and showed him how to do it
They always ended up with something edible smeared on his face- chocolate or frosting or cookie dough, just a touch normally dashed against his chin or cheeks
And that always ended with Patton carefully wiping away the substance (and once or twice, on more memorable substances, kissing it off- normally when it was a smear of Patton’s favorite cookie dough)
One of those times, when Patton and Remy’s faces were stupidly close, Patton tenderly wiping away whatever mess was left on Remy’s face, Remy’s sunglasses useless to hide his gaze when this close, eyes both on each other, would have been a perfect time for Remy to remember that he was very gay and Patton was very cute
But he normally only remembered the ‘very cute’ part without any context, and another day passed with him left in self-ignorance
He could have realized it one of the times a movie marathon of cheesy romcoms (Remy and Patton both loved the cheese for different reasons) ran long and Patton fell asleep against him, head against Remy’s shoulder and body tucked against Remy’s side
He only got closer to Remy the longer he was asleep, but that was okay. Remy knew a sleepy Patton was a cuddly one. He just wrapped his arm over Patton and held him closer
Patton was always mumbling something when he was sleeping, which was cute, Remy had considered, cute how he scrunched up his nose as he thought before spilling out nonsense words and phrases
Cute how he would smile at whatever his sleepy thoughts were
Cute how sometimes he’d just… happy wiggle. Remy wasn’t sure why, but one minute Patton would be pressed against his side and the next he’d be doing a lil wiggly-shake and then he’d be back to trying to meld his body with Remy’s. It was cute.
Eventually, Patton would open his eyes, just a little, looking tired and sleepy, blinking blearily at Remy but not trying to move away from his side
He’d ask what had happened, when he’d fallen asleep, and Remy would just chuckle quietly and run a hand through Patton’s hair and say it’s alright, go back to bed, he’d take care of it
And Patton would just nod and lie his head against Remy again and be asleep almost immediately
And soon enough Remy would slowly, carefully, gently pick Patton up and move him to his bed, staying just long enough for Patton’s blankets and sheets to warm up and mimic his own warmth- hence making Patton willing to release him- before leaving
And if he lingered a moment in the doorway before leaving, wishing he could stay, could curl up with Patton and kiss his forehead and fall asleep with him?
Well… Patton was warm and cute and cuddly. Who wouldn’t want to sleep and cuddle with him? That was a Normal Friendship Thought to have. It didn’t mean anything!
And once more, His Sunglasses Make Him Oblivious Remy strikes again
Incidents similar to the baking ones and the sleepy ones continue to happen
Remy spends a good two hours doing nothing but trading horrible puns with Patton because they make Patton giggle and chuckle and LAUGH and for some reason Remy just realized he could listen to that laugh for weeks and if puns causes it… then puns he shall tell
He learns to do basic sewing because Patton accidentally rips his catigan a lot and yes Patton can sew and he does fix his own tears but Remy likes to sneak in and fix them when Patton’s busy (Patton always gets excited, later, having decided that he’s got some sort of guardian angel looking out for him but unsure who. Patton’s happiness over the whole thing’s enough for Remy- he never admits it’s him)
When Patton’s doing something/is distracted, Remy will sneak up behind him and pick him up and spin him in a half-circle and Patton will giggle and Remy will never feel more alive than he does every time he does it
There’s a lot of moments like these, where Remy turns into an absolute sap over Patton doing something as impressive as Smiling, and yet Remy throughout it all, Remy refuses to just realize ‘oh hey shit I’m in love’
Finally, however, not even Remy’s thick dark sunglasses and mindset of ‘what is love (baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more)’ can stop him from realizing how lost he is on this boi
It all happens one late night
Remy’s sleepless and up and wandering
He notices, eventually, that the light’s on in Patton’s room, and he figures, hey! late-night buddy, let’s say hi
The hi was well-timed, but not for the reasons Remy had hoped
Remy peeks in the crack and finds that, yeah, Patton’s up, but he’s also hugging a body pillow and his eyes are a little red and there’s a tiny bit of sniffling and okay someone’s not having a good night and for once it’s not Thomas as Virgil slowly goes through decades-old memories
Remy had been looking for someone to goofy off with at two am but now it is Comfort The Fluffball time and he is READY for this mission
He doesn’t go in immediately- pulling away and quietly making his way downstairs first, quickly making two mugs of hot cocoa, putting in plenty of mini marshmallows in Patton’s (and bringing the bag of them as well, for when Patton inevitably wants to snack on them)
Then he goes back upstairs, lightly bumping Patton’s door with his foot until he hears a loud sniffle and Patton hastily whisper-shouting to give him a moment
Remy waits, listening to the shuffling noises, well-aware that Patton’s cleaning his face off, trying to hide his self-perceived sin of feeling bad
Eventually, the door opens, Patton’s eyes still red as he refuses to meet Remy’s, aware the function has likely already guessed he’s not doing amazingly
His eyes light up, a bit, however, when he sees the cocoas and the marshmallow bag beneath Remy’s elbow and Remy’s gentle ‘I’m here’ smile, and Remy feels his heart light up at that
Patton lets him in, taking his mug and the bag of marshmallows from Remy as he does so, moving back on to the bed and leaning against the body pillow he had been crying into a moment ago (Remy can tell because the top of it’s damp) and he gestures for Remy to join him
And Remy does, sitting down right next to him, pressing against his side and resting his head against Patton’s
They don’t speak, just sipping their cocoas and being close
They’ve talked about it before, Patton’s tendency to repress his bad emotions and isolate himself from help
And Remy knows Patton’s trying
Patton letting him in is trying
So Remy’s not going to talk about it, because that’s not what Patton needs now. He needs to be able to be safe with someone. To be comfortable, to be un-judged despite the tear tracks on his cheeks
Remy’s halfway done with his cocoa when he lightly bumps Patton’s foot. He’s wearing bright mis-matched socks whereas Remy’s got black ones with coffee cups on them, the steam coming out of them in the shape of z’s (Patton gave them to him, and ever since, Remy’s always worn socks at night)
A smile twitches onto Patton’s face as he bumps Remy’s back
It’s small
It’s important
Eventually, they finish their cocoas
Patton places his mug on his bedside table, automatically accepting Remy’s and moving it there too
He takes the marshmallow bag, then, pulling a few out and squishing them between his fingers as he pops a few in his mouth
Remy smiles, watching Patton amuse himself with the marshmallows for a moment before asking, softly, ‘do you want to watch some tv? or do you think you’re ready to go to bed?’
‘bed’ Patton answers immediately. he knew the question was coming. Remy always asked it on nights like this.
‘of course’ Remy answers easily, beginning to stand up, moving to take the mugs away and part with a few words of reassurance and a reminder that Remy’ll find someone to cover making breakfast in the morning, please, Patton, sleep in
He’s stopped when Patton grabs his arm, just lightly tugging on his arm and pulling Remy back to sitting beside him
‘please stay’ Patton asks, quietly, but still fiercely, as if if his voice wasn’t strong enough, his want for this not there enough, Remy would say no (Remy knew he never would’ve so much as dreamed of saying no)
‘of course’ Remy repeated as the moral side tossed the marshmallow bag onto his bedside table. ‘how long do you want me to stay?’
‘until- I mean- until I fall asleep?’ Patton settled on, hesitantly
Remy frowned as he gently reached out, cupping Patton’s cheek with one hand. he didn’t press, since he knew Patton wouldn’t tell him what he really wanted if pressed. he’d clam up and stick to his lie. he had to be given time.
Patton leaned the slightest into the touch, letting the silence hold for a moment before he said, quietly, ‘I don’t want to be alone’
‘you won’t be’ Remy murmured back, easily coazing Patton into his arms, happy to let the moral side fold into his chest, pressing himself ever closer to Remy as Remy held him ever tighter
He slowly tugged Patton over, pulling Patton’s duvet over the two of them as he settled them down amongst the pillows of Patton’s bed, the lights in his room turning off at Remy’s mental urging
Patton moved with him easily, happy to be held, snuggling close against Remy and tucking his head beneath Remy’s neck and tangling their legs together and more or less enuring that Remy wouldn’t be getting up until he did (not that Remy minded)
Soon enough, they were still, Patton breathing deeply, very quickly falling asleep as Remy rubbed circles into his back
‘hey, Remy?’ Patton asked, words slurring as he fought the call of sleep to say whatever he had to say
‘yeah, babes?’
‘thank you, for... for everything’
Remy smiled, a stupidly sappy smile, safely hidden in the dark. ‘of course, Pat. always happy to help.’
Patton hummed in agreement to that, nodding a bit against Remy’s chest. when he didn’t say anything more, Remy thought he had fallen asleep, until Patton said one last thing,
‘I love you’
It wasn’t that surprising- Patton had said it before, and so had Remy, normally after Remy had complimented Patton’s cookies or after Patton showed a complete lack of shame for a rather terrible pun- but he had never said it like this before, so quietly, so simply, so meaningfully
It took him a moment to collect himself enough to respond, and by then Patton had fallen asleep, but it didn’t matter, because Remy still said it,
‘I love you too’
And that, dear reader, is when Remy realized just how heavy the weight behind those words was
That’s when Remy realizes he’s in love
Anddddd because I’m a bastard (and also tired and said I’d post this today) that’s where this ends, even though I now remember the question was ‘what happens when Remy realizes he’s in love with Patton’ and not ‘how’ he realizes, but shhhhhhh enjoy what I gave you
And like,,,, I’m not saying I’ll give this a part two if y’all want to see what happens after Remy finally comes to terms with the fact that he’s in love with the sun, but like... I def will just hmu sometime sdfjsvfsdf
#also no editing whatsoever we die like men#hope y'all like this dfhsjfds#sleepality#ts patton#ts remy#ts sleep#the cryptid speaks#the cryptid answers#dani
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Stark Spangled Rebirth
Chapter 6: Couldn’t Call Our Ride
Summary: On the trip back to base-camp, Steve finds himself bonding more with Katie, and also grows close to a number of the prisoners they liberated.
Warnings: Bad Language words.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark
Word Count: 7.8k
A/N: Again, used a fair bit of creative license with this but, what is Fan-Fic if not exactly that? This series is my contribution of sorts to the CATF 10 Year Anniversary Challenge.
And my girl is back! @angrybirdcr hitting the spot with some wonderful edits to accompany this chapter.
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
SSR Masterlist // Main Masterlist
Chapter 5
hey reached the rest of the men a few hours later and Steve was please to find that Dernier and the British officer, Falsworth, had already started to organise things. The wounded were being treated as best as they could by the trained field medics who were amongst the soldiers that had been liberated, a little food was being handed out, and there were men patrolling the perimeter of the area of the old, abandoned camp.
However, the elation Steve felt at having found Bucky and the rest of the men soon died down when, after Katie told him to send the signal to Peggy and Howard, he found out the transponder was going to be of absolutely no use whatsoever.
Not because it didn't work, oh no. But because it had clearly been hit in the crossfire, a corner blasted off somehow.
Which meant they were alone, with no ex-fill forthcoming.
Katie had, once again, been the voice of logic, this time supported by a few of the other soldiers and reasoned with Steve that they would be best taking a few hours to rest and treat the walking wounded before they regrouped in the morning and came up with a plan. The Captain had obliged, despite his itch to get going as soon as possible. He knew, logically, that she was right.
After wandering the camp and making sure everyone was okay, Steve’s attention then turned to ensuring that there were enough people ready to relieve the guys on guard patrol for the evening. He wanted them swapped out regularly enough to allow them all to rest. Once he was satisfied they were organised, he walked a little further round the perimeter, his sharp eyes checking into the distance every so often.
His stomach gave a little growl and his hand dropped to the top of his jacket, absentmindedly rubbing at his belly. He’d so far declined the offer of food, despite assurances from the men handling the supplies that they had ample for everyone. He knew that might not be the case if they were still stuck in a few days, and there were people in far more need of a meal than he was. Still, he knew he was going to have to eat something at some point.
With a groan he slumped down onto a large upturned tree trunk, letting out a frustrated breath. How could he could be so dammed stupid as to damage their ticket out of here? There was no way to call help, and now they were faced with a hundred and twenty click hike back to base through potentially occupied territory.
As he sat there, mulling over his own stupidity and failings, he heard a footstep behind him and he turned sharply to see Katie approaching him, carrying a foil packet in her hand. Her boots crunched over the frosty layer of leaves and detritus that covered the woodland floor as she approached him.
“Hey,” she smiled, her breath fogging the cold air in front of her. “I know you haven’t eaten, and I also know you won’t unless someone makes you so, here.”
Steve gave her a little smile in return and took the packet she was offering, looking at the label before he took a rye cracker out of the packet and shoved it into his mouth. It wasn’t particularly tasty, and was rather dry, but it was food none the less. She then handed him a canteen of water which he took with another thanks and flipped off the top, taking a huge gulp.
“Everyone who’s ill or in desperate need of a meal has had some hot broth.” She continued to explain. “Bucky managed a good mug or two of it, that is before he started coughing his guts up anyway.”
“Bucky’s sick?” Steve frowned. “I thought he said he was doing okay?”
“Well that’s men for you.” Katie gave him a little smile as she perched on the log besides him. “Insisting you’re always okay when you’re not.”
“Is he in a bad way?”
“No, all things considering he’s actually in pretty good shape.”
“All things considered?” Steve turned to her, his puzzlement reflected on his handsome face, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean?”
“Has he not told you?” Katie frowned.
“No.” Steve shook his head.
“Well, in all fairness he didn’t tell me either, it was Dum Dum.”
“Oh.” Steve let out a breath satisfied that his friend hadn’t been holding out on him. “How do you know him, Duggan I mean?”
Katie took a deep breath. “He was part of my specialist team at first, but when we got news that the Nazis and HYDRA were marching on Azzano, well, it was all hands on deck so to speak and he was dispatched with the rest of his original unit to fight.” She paused bit her lip, folding her arms across her chest, almost as if she was hugging herself to keep warm. “From what Dum Dum tells me, that’s where he first met Bucky. Apparently, Bucky contracted walking pneumonia on the battlefield, which got progressively worse in captivity.”
“And let me guess, HYDRA were nothing short of sympathetic?” Steve snorted sarcastically and Katie gave a little chuckle as she leaned against him, shivering.
“I’m sure you can guess why they were kept in those cages instead of being shot.”
“They were being used as labour in the factory.” Steve stated and he felt Katie nod as he lifted his arm so she could snuggle in against him a little.
“Thanks.” She smiled and Steve’s hand curled over her shoulder, gently rubbing her arm. “You’re ridiculously warm.”
“Must be the serum.”
“Must be.” She mused before she lay her head against him. “That the only reason you’re making the moves on me, Rogers? To keep me warm? Because I should tell you, I’m not that kinda gal!”
Steve gave an exasperated sigh as she chuckled. “You forget, I know exactly what type of dame you are.”
At that she let out a full on laugh which warmed his chest even more and he felt her shake her head. “Yeah, I guess you do. Just don’t tell Howie, he likes to think I’m perfectly sweet and innocent.”
“Bull shit.” Steve shot back before he could stop himself and she simply shrugged before they fell silent for a moment, Steve’s hand still gently rubbing at her upper arm. As the silence continued, he worried he’d overstepped the mark a little and he glanced out again across the cold, dark forest, wondering what to say, and then Katie shifted next to him, snuggling in even further and began to speak again.
“Bucky became so weak that one day that he collapsed in front of the Colonel that was in charge.” Her voice was soft, and Steve turned to look down at her, swallowing at the thought of what his best friend had been through, a thought which became progressively worse as she continued. “He took a nasty beating as a result and was dumped back in the cage which contained Dernier, Dum Dum, and Falsworth. The three of them fast realised that if Bucky was made to do any more work he’d die so they came up with a plan which basically got rid of the Colonel for good.”
“What, you mean…”
“They killed him.” She stated, matter of factly. “Crushed him under a tonne of machinery. This left some other goon in charge, and he was slightly, well, a little more compassionate, so Dum-Dum says. When this new guy spotted Bucky was ill he was taken to the isolation ward.”
Steve shifted a little and Katie sat up as he ran his hands over his tired face, dragging his fingers down his cheeks before his elbows came to rest on his knees. He pondered her words for a moment, chewing his lip before he spoke again, his voice soft.
“How long?”
“How long what?”
“How long had he been on the isolation ward?”
“A few days, apparently.”
Steve shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“Maybe they didn’t want to infect the rest of the workers.” She offered and Steve shook his head.
“But why take him there and not just-“ he stopped short of what he was going to say but Katie gently reached out, her hand laying on his back.
“I don’t know.” She answered.
“Did they do anything else to him?”
“Again, no idea. You’ll have to ask him. He aint gonna give you anything tonight, though. One of the guys shot him with some penicillin that was in the medical supplies we stole and then gave him something to help him sleep. He’s out for the count in one of the tents. He’ll be fine after a rest, Steve.”
Steve looked around, his eyes falling on the soldier currently walking the perimeter as he passed a few hundred yards away from them, before he took a deep breath.
“I should go, see how-“ he made to stand but Katie gently laid a hand on his arm, stopping him.
“Everything and everyone is fine, Steve.”
“I’m their Captain.”
“Yes, and you’ve done enough. You should get some rest, we both should.”
“How can I just sit here?” Steve shook his head. His mind was whirring, his body positively thrumming with adrenaline and unease, making the mere thought of sleep seem impossible.
“You need to. We have a long trip back to base ahead of us.”
“Which is on me.” Steve raised his eyebrows, not meeting her eyes as he focussed on a tree trunk a few feet ahead of them.
“How do you work that one out?” Katie frowned.
“I should have kept that transponder safe.”
“Oh for God’s sake!” She spluttered, her tone laced with exasperation as she shook her head as he turned to look at her.
“What?”
“Stop with this self-pity.”
“I’m not-“
“Yes, you are!” She rolled her eyes. “The transponder got broken, it wasn’t your fault. And short of inventing a time machine, there’s exactly zilch anyone can do about it. So sitting here, wallowing in your own completely misplaced sense of guilt is utterly pointless. You need to pull it together, because you’re right about one thing.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Steve’s nostrils flared angrily at her tone as she groaned.
“You are their Captain.” She stared at him, her green eyes full of fire. “And if they see you looking despondent and moping around what the hell do you think that’s gonna do to their morale, huh?”
“You know what?” Steve fixed her with an icy glare, his temper flaring. “I’ve had it with you telling me what to do, Agent Stark. I think you’ve forgotten who’s leading this mission!”
“Without me you wouldn’t have lasted five minute in that base, Captain Rogers!” She scoffed. “You hadn’t the first idea about basic stealth or operations.”
“I’d have managed just fine.”
“You know,” Katie gave a snort, shaking her head as she stood up, “Erskine was right about you, you really are a stubborn asshole”
“And you’re a brat.” He shot back, a little childishly as he too rose to his feet and with that she laughed.
“A brat?” She raised her eyebrows, wrinkling her nose up as she continued, sarcasm dripping off her words. “Original. Never heard that one before.”
She turned to leave and Steve felt his temper rising even more. He was sick and tired with people underestimating him.
"All you care about is how everyone sees you, because you got somethin’ to prove.” He shot to her back. As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he knew he shouldn’t have said them, his mind whirring back to the conversation he’d had with her the night before his transformation and, as she turned to face him, he felt a sudden pang of guilt at the anger and hurt that was etched across her face as she stalked towards him, stopping less than a foot away, her finger jabbing him in his chest.
“Listen here you stupid son of a-”
Before her tirade could continue, Steve grabbed her by forearms and pulled her straight into him, his lips forcefully crashing against hers. She reciprocated for a moment or two before she made a noise of protest and put her hands on his chest, shoving him slightly.
“You are an arrogant-“
“Shut up.” He mumbled, his lips crashing to hers again and this time she made no further protests, instead she melted into his arms, her lips soft against his as her arms slid round his neck, his own large hands splaying on the back of her combat jacket as he held her close. The kiss was furious, bruising, a far cry from any of the ones they’d shared so far and when they eventually broke apart, he pressed his forehead to hers as Katie stood, her eyes closed for a moment, her chest heaving. Eventually his eyes opened to find hers already studying his face and she took a deep breath.
"Where the hell did you get the sack for that, Rogers?" She asked, her voice little more than a whisper as she continued trying to catch her breath.
“The serum?” He shrugged a little as her hands fell to his shoulders, the heat rising from his neck to his cheeks as he realised exactly what he’d just done. He bit his lip and, as she gave a snort, he cocked his head, feeling a little bolstered by his act of bravery and he grinned and quipped. “Had to shut you up somehow.”
Before she could respond, no doubt with an equally sassy remark of her own, Steve heard a twig crack somewhere to his right and he whipped round, automatically pulling Katie behind him only to find Dum Dum and Dernier stood a few feet away. Both of them wore similar expressions of amusement as Dum Dum’s head turned slowly to the left. Dernier met his gaze and mumbled something in French before he laughed.
“Yeah, I got no idea what ya’ just said, Pal.” Dum Dum sniffed before he looked at Katie, his arms folding as he let out a smirk. “Well, well Lady Lieutenant and The Captain.”
Steve swallowed, the heat in his cheeks burning like a furnace and he felt Katie let go of his hand before she stepped out from behind him, smoothing down her jacket, her hands settling on her hips.
“You’re only jealous Duggan because the closest you’ve been to a woman in the last God knows how long was when that nurse was pulling a bullet outta your ass after the raid on the base in Norway.”
Duggan’s mouth twitched below his moustache before he let out a below of laughter, his eyes twinkling. “You gotta smart mouth, Stark. Gonna get you into trouble one day!”
“It already has, several times. Got me out of it too.” She grinned. “Now, did you want something, Corporal?”
Duggan shook his head, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. “No, Ma’am. We were just doing the rounds so to speak.”
“Well, don’t let us stop you.” Katie gestured with her arm, making a sweeping motion, signalling for them to keep on walking.
Exchanging another smirk, the two men straightened up and saluted her before they continued on their way. As they passed, Dernier gave a little nod to the Captain, chuckling as he remarked. “Vous auriez pu au moins lui acheter un verre d’abord, Capitaine.”
“Oh, nous avons bien depasse cette etape.” Katie shot back and Derneir stopped dead, blinking as she smirked before he let out a loud laugh and hurried after Dum Dum.
“Okay, what did he just say?” Steve asked, drawing up behind her as they both watched the men leave.
“He said that you could have at least bought me a drink first.” She turned, smirking as Steve rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I told him we were way past that stage.”
“Jesus, Doll!” Steve groaned, his face scrunched up in embarrassment and mock frustration, all the while Katie laughed.
“What?”
“That’s gonna be all round the Camp by morning.”
“You ashamed of me?” She teased.
“No, of course not.”
“Then don’t worry about it.” She gently patted his chest. “All things considered, I think that’s the least of our concerns don’t you?”
With that she stood on her tip toes and placed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth before she stepped back. “Now, I’m gonna go back to the rest of the guys and make sure they’re all okay, and as their Captain, I suggest you do the same. Keep that morale up, like I told you to.”
She gave him a smile before she turned and headed back towards the main part of the camp.
Steve stood stock still, his mind whirring and digesting what the fuck had just happened, before he shook his head, and jogged after her, once more acquiescing to her instructions.
*****
Whilst there may not have been much deep sleeping going on, there was certainly plenty of rest and refuelling undertaken so to speak, and at first light the next morning Steve gathered Katie, Dum-Dum, Dernier, Jones, Morita and Falsworth in the back of one of the trucks to discuss their plan going forward, leaving Bucky to sleep as long as he could. He’d fast taken a liking to the five men having heard from various other men about how they’d organised the troops at the base, and his first-hand experience of how they’d been during the night around their makeshift camp. Plus Katie trusted Dum-Dum and Steve trusted her, so it was good enough for him.
Katie and Falsworth had found maps of the terrain buried in the stuff they’d taken from the factory and worked out their distance to the allied camp was approximately ninety-five miles as the crow flies. They had further estimated that, given the state of the men and the fact that were going to have to skirt around various battles that were still raging on, they would probably average between twenty to twenty-five miles a day, meaning it would take them at least four to get back.
They had trucks, a tank, enough supplies to keep them going for a few days, and Dum-Dum stated the obvious, that Steve could go on a head, alone, and be much faster if needs be. But that wasn’t something he wanted to do, plus as Katie rightly pointed out, he would be number one on HYDRAs radar right now. The last thing they needed was to lose him because, as blunt a point as it was, that was just the type of thing Schmidt would need to keep the heat off the fact they had just lost one of their factories.
Then there was the fact that Steve simply didn’t want to leave them behind. They were his men now, he wanted to stay with them, make sure they made it back together. Leaving them would be an absolute last resort.
They split into groups, heading round the camp to spread the word about the plan and instruct the men to be ready to leave as soon as Steve gave the signal, and the Captain took the opportunity to head into the tent were Bucky was resting. He was pleased to see his friend looked a hell of a lot better than he had the previous night, sat on the edge of the make shift cot which had been fashioned out of a number of broad topped crates and blankets, rolling down his sleeve as one of their medics had just administered another shot of penicillin.
“How you feeling, Buck?” Steve asked, stepping into the tent and to the side to allow the other solider to leave, giving him a salute as he passed.
“Like I’ve been run over by a Panzer.” Bucky grumbled and Steve gave a small smile. Bucky sighed, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine, just got a-“
“I know.” Steve cut him off. “I got the low-down.”
“Stark?”
“Yeah.”
“I bet that’s not all you got.” Bucky smirked and Steve rolled his eyes letting out a groan. “Don’t go gettin’ all coy on me, Stevie.”
“I’m not being coy.” Steve protested and Bucky let out a bark of a laugh.
“Course not.” Bucky pulled on his boots and bent to lace them. “You gonna tell me yourself or do I need to go huntin’ for gossip?”
“There’s nothing to tell, lay off, Buck.”
Bucky snorted. “I don’t even have to look at you to know you’re lying, you’re that bad at it.”
“It’s, well, it’s a little complicated.” Steve attempted to placate him but Bucky finished lacings his boots and looked up at him, hands resting on his knees.
“You like her?”
“Of course I do…”
“She like you?”
Steve blushed and his hand rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, yeah, I mean…”
“Well then, what’s complicated about it?” Bucky shrugged.
“In case you hadn’t realised we’re not exactly here under normal circumstances.” Steve arched an eyebrow.
“All the more reason not to waste any time, Punk.” Bucky stood up, cracking his neck side to side. “Who knows how long we’ve got.”
Steve’s brow raised a little as he looked at Bucky, letting out a sigh. “You sound like her.”
“Well she clearly talks sense, you should listen.” Bucky smirked, taking a step towards him. “So, Captain, what’s the plan?”
“You asking me about Katie now or…” Steve quipped and Bucky grinned, slapping his shoulder.
“Steve, you clearly aint got a plan when it comes to that Dame, so there’s not point askin’ ya ‘bout it is there?” He drawled and Steve sighed, giving him a look. “No, I mean to get us out of this Godforsaken shit hole and back on friendly territory. You do have a plan, right? I mean I hear you always got a plan nowadays.”
Steve groaned as Bucky’s mouth curled up into a huge grain and he shook his head.
“Still a pain in my ass.” Steve grumbled and Bucky shrugged before he took a deep breath.
“But seriously, what are we going to do?”
“We’re getting ready to move out.” Steve’s hands dropped to the buckle on his belt. “We got approximately a hundred and twenty or so kilometres to cover. Gonna be hard but…” Steve popped a shoulder before he studied Bucky as he let out a huge, chest-wracking cough. “You can ride in one of the trucks.”
“I’m fine, Steve.”
“You’re clearly not.” Steve raised an eyebrow.
“There are men far worse off than me, this is just an infection, I’ll be fine. Dare say fresh air and walking will do me good.”
At that Steve let out a snort. “Yeah, just like it used to do me good, huh?”
“That was different.”
“How so?”
“Damned it, Steve, stop being an asshole.” Bucky shot back, glaring at him. “I’m telling you I’m fine. Coped with more in that base than you could even begin to imagine, a coupla day’s hike will be easy in comparison.”
As soon as the words were out of his friends mouth, Steve noticed him look away, clearly cursing himself for his outburst.
“What did they do to you?” Steve asked gently. Bucky swallowed and turned to Steve, shaking his head.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I was out of it for the most but they, well I can remember them sticking me with needles and then there were all these bright lights and…” He trailed off. “It hurt.”
Steve took a deep breath and stepped forward, his hand curling round his friend’s shoulder but Bucky shrugged him off. “Don’t.” He looked at him, his eyes fierce. “Just don’t.”
Steve moved back, holding his hands up in front of him, palms out in a conciliatory manner. “Okay.”
There was a moment’s silence, and then they were aware of voices and Steve turned to see Katie step into the tent.
“Everyone’s moving, St-I mean Captain.” She smiled and Steve felt his cheeks flushing as he was well aware that Bucky was watching him carefully.
“Yes, Ma’am. Be with you in a moment.”
She nodded then her gaze flicked to Bucky who shot her a dazzling smile. “S’up Doll Face?”
“You’re looking better than you were yesterday, Barnes.” Katie smirked a little at his familiar nature and he shrugged, flashing her a wink.
“Takes a lot to keep me down, Darlin’”
“I don’t doubt it.” She grinned, before her eyes locked with Steve’s again and she turned, and left.
“Damned, Steve.” Bucky whistled through his teeth. “The first girl who actually lays her peepers on you, and she’s an absolute dish.”
“Piss off, Bucky.” Steve shot back and Bucky once more laughed, shaking his head before he gave a loud, exaggerated sniff and wiped dramatically at his eyes.
"My boys all grown up,” he spoke in a theatrical emotional voice, before he swept from the tent leaving Steve glowering at his back.
*****
After a near miss with a hostile unit on the first day of their journey, Steve took the informed decision to only move under the hours of low light and darkness. He was keen to keep any confrontations to a minimum given the exhausted and weak state of many of the men he was leading. After discussions with the group of seven who were fast becoming the ones he was turning to most for advice and support, they all conceded that whilst moving at night made it almost impossible they would be spotted by any air-borne allied surveillance, it was the best chance they had at keeping casualties to a minimum.
They kept to the less worn roads as much as they could, sometimes having to split up if the vehicles couldn’t make it a certain way, but thanks to the variety of skills the group had, along with Katie’s unbelievable sense of organisation, it seemed to work. By the third day they were almost three quarters of the way there by their estimations anyway.
“St-I mean, Cap?” Katie’s voice hit his ears and Steve turned to face her where she was walking a little behind with Dum-Dum, rifle in her arms. “I think we’ve got about an hour or so before daylight, we should probably be looking for somewhere to make camp.”
Steve looked up at the sky, his eyes straying to the horizon which he could just see through the valley they were set to make their way between and she, as always, was right. The first slivers of daylight were peeking through the dark, tendrils of orange and pink snaking through the sky.
He turned back to her. “Do we stop before or after the Valley?”
“If you want my advice,” Dum-Dum cut in, “I’d say before. If we get caught down there, Cap, we’re sitting ducks. Best chance is after nightfall.”
Katie nodded to show she agreed, and Steve took a deep breath. He was keen to press on as much as he could, and had been hoping to make it through the last line of hills before they stopped. But, he knew they were right and they’d covered a lot of ground over the last march. As luck would have it, the nights were longer than the days due to the season so, despite the fact it was cold and the weather wasn’t particularly kind to them, it worked to their advantage.
“Okay, let everyone know. Jones, Dernier, can you guys get up high,” he nodded to the hill face a little to his right, “see if you can spot anywhere that might be safe to set up camp.”
“Sure thing.” Jones nodded, and Dernier gave a little salute as the two men took off silently.
Steve declined the canteen of water Katie offered him and she gave him a stern look, her arm remaining outstretched. With a roll of his eyes and quirk of his eyebrow he took it, his fingers brushing hers and he frowned.
“You’re freezing.”
“Soon warm up once we’re round a fire.” She shrugged. “Now drink, enhanced or not, you need to keep hydrated.”
“Yes Ma’am.” He quipped, causing her to roll her eyes, but he didn’t miss the smirk on her lips as she turned to Dum-Dum when he asked her if she wanted him to run down the line and set the communication chain off.
“How you feeling?” Steve moved over to where Bucky had settled, perched on a flat rock jutting out from the side of the mountain face, his legs dangling over the edge.
“Peachy keen, Stevie.” Bucky looked at him and Steve snorted as Bucky leaned back. “Nah, I’m good, Pal. Feel a lot better. Turns out your Ma did know what she was talking about, fresh air can clear your lungs.”
“Yeah, shame there wasn’t much to be found in a cramped, inner Brooklyn city.” Steve smirked and Buck chuckled.
“True.” He bit the inside of his lip as he looked down at his hands. “Do my folks think I’m dead?”
The question caught Steve off guard a little and he frowned, sitting down next to his friend. “You were MIA assumed lost so I suspect they’ve been informed of that. But don’t worry about it, once we’re back you can get a telegram to them, assure them you’re okay.”
“Okay.” Bucky snorted, shaking his head. “Whatever that means.”
“I thought you just said you felt good?” Steve looked at him and Bucky shrugged.
“I do.”
Before Steve could dig further into whatever the hell Bucky meant, a crunch of feet on gravel to his left made him spring to his feet, but it was only Jones and Dernier back from the scouting mission.
“There’s a break in the rock formation, bout half a mile or so further. Reckon it’s a good place to form base. Plenty of spots in and around to hide. Bad news is the vehicles are going to have to go around once we set off again. It’ll take them off course a little but we’ll meet them again about two or three miles through the valley.”
“Thanks, Jones.” Steve nodded. “Get the news down the chain.”
It wasn’t long before they’d found the spot Jones and Dernier had been referring to, and everyone moved around quickly, like a well-oiled machine, establishing the base camp. Thanks to the natural shelter of the terrain, not as many tents this time were required, but Steve insisted, as always, that Katie got her own.
Soon some form of soup was cooking, water was being handed out along with what was left of some sweet liquor that they’d also liberated from camp and soft chatter rang out across the troops. The walking wounded were being treated once more for the night and Steve took the chance to walk around, talking to as many people as he could.
Once he was sure everyone had been fed, he took a helping for himself and settled down round one of the small fires where Bucky was sat with Katie and the other five men that had all formed a close bond. He ate, not really paying attention, until Dum-Dum loudly lamented that his facial hair was getting out of control and Katie snorted.
“You’re not going to find many barbers round here.” She shook her head. “Besides, it all adds to the well-worn rugged look.” She glanced at Steve before she smirked. “Even Cap’s sporting a good layer of stubble.”
At that Bucky laughed. “Makes a change, huh pal. You know he once didn’t shave for a week, looked just as smooth at the end of it as he had at the start.”
Steve groaned, as chuckles rang out at his expense, absentmindedly rubbing his hand over his chin. “Yeah, well, things are different now-“
“No shit”
“- and it seems to grow pretty fast.”
“Were there no razors at all in the stuff we took?” Falsworth asked and Katie pondered.
“There’s some toiletries but no many, that said I can’t say I’ve looked. Why are you bothered?”
“I like to keep up appearances.” Monty looked at her. “Plus, regulations state we should either be clean shaven or sporting a full, groomed moustache…”
“Yeah, come on Lady Lieutenant, surely you know that?” Dum-Dum looked at her, his eyes crinkling in the corners.
Katie shrugged. “Well, yeah, but who’s gonna tell?”
“Well, I like to take pride in my appearance.” Dum Dum shrugged. “Something you’ll understand”
“What, because I’m female?”
“Are you? Hadn’t noticed.” Dum Dum’s eyes twinkled in the light of the fire as a Katie rolled her eyes.
“Steve has.” Bucky quipped causing them all to laugh as Steve gave an exasperated sigh, feeling the familiar heat of embarrassment spread up his neck and his cheeks.
“Well, if you’re all vain enough to be that bothered, go raid the supplies.” Katie leaned back, resting on her elbows, legs stretched out in front of her, crossed at the ankles. “Good luck trying to shave in the dark though, without a mirror.”
As the night went on, one by one the men peeled off to take their rest or sentry duties, leaving Steve, Katie and Bucky alone round the fire. They chatted for another hour or so before Katie told them she was going to hit the hay.
She stood up, stretching before she reached out for one of the tins in the fire, wrapping her hand in her sleeve so as not to burn herself as she took the heated water. “Oh, and don’t tell the others, but if you guys want help, so to speak, with the old,” she pointed at her face, drawing a circle in the air, “I’ll do it for you. Just give me five minutes to wash up first.”
Steve watched her go before he turned to Bucky who was eyeing him shrewdly.
“You taking her up on that?” He asked and Steve frowned.
“She was joking.”
“I don’t think she was.” Bucky smirked. “In fact I’m pretty sure that was a ploy to get you to follow her.”
Steve sighed, “if that was true, why did she invite you?”
“Jesus, Stevie, you’re so clueless. She did that so it isn’t obvious.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “If both of us go into her tent, it looks a lot let suss than if you or I go in alone. Well, that is, unless everyone thinks we’re having some form of threesome that is.”
Steve grimaced before he took a deep breath, turning to Bucky. “No offence, but you’re not my type.”
“Ouch.” Bucky smirked as Steve stood up. “Oh, are we going now? Damned, you’re keen.”
Steve shot him another look before he turned and strode after Katie, Bucky hot on his tails.
Katie simply laughed as they entered her tent and told them both to sit on the make shift bunk she had before she disappeared and came back with a cut throat and what little else she could salvage from the supplies.
“Who’s first?” She brandished the razor and her eyes fell to Bucky.
“Trust you with a cutthroat?” He looked at her and she placed her hands on her hips.
“I do this for Howard all the time.”
“No offence, Doll Face, but I'd rather jump on a grenade.”
“Steve already did that.” Katie quipped.
Bucky turned his head slowly to face him. “What happened to not doing anything stupid till I got back?”
“It was a dummy.” Steve shook his head.
“You didn’t know that.” Katie grinned and Bucky snorted.
“A dummy?” He grinned “That’s definitely stooped, with two os.”
“Hey, in my defense it was very realistic.” Steve pouted. Katie chuckled and looked at him, and Steve felt the heat in his neck rising as the memories of that night came flooding back. And from the look on her face she was recalling them too. She stood there, simply looking at him, biting her lip a little, before she gave a yelp.
“Ow!” She raised her finger to her mouth, sucking at where she’d just nicked it on the razor.
“Yeah, now I’ll definitely pass.” Bucky’s eyes widened and he stood up. “You kids behave.”
Katie watched him sweep from the tent before she turned to Steve. “Something I said?”
Steve laughed and rubbed at his neck as she grinned and held up the razor. “What about you, Soldier? Do you trust me with a potentially fatal weapon at your throat?”
“I trust you with my life.” Steve replied immediately and the cheeky grin on her face turned to a soft smile as she stepped forward, folding the razor and slipping it into her pocket.
“Little naive that, Stevie, considering we haven’t known each other that long.”
Steve shrugged. “I’m a pretty good judge of character.”
“Sure you are.” She smiled, before she moved and dipped her hand into the tin of warm water. “Head back, Captain.”
Steve obliged and she wet his face as best she could, the pads of her fingers brushing against his stubble before she then worked the bar of soap into a lather, massaging it against his chin and cheeks. Steve’s gaze was on her face the whole time as she concentrated, his hands flexing on the edge of the thin bunk which was made out of a couple of the supply crates.
“This isn’t going to be as close as I’d like.” She mused.
“Are we talking about the shave now or…” Steve looked at her and her eyes met his and she shook her head.
“Yes, I mean the shave.” She chuckled. “I can see Barnes is rubbing off on you already.”
Steve smiled as she dipped her hands back in the tin and wiped them on her jacket, before pulling the razor back out.
“Ready?”
“All yours.”
“Are we talking about the shave or-“ She teased, playing his words back to him and Steve held her gaze, her eyes flashing as he took a deep breath.
“What do you want me to be talking about?”
There was a moment’s pause and she dropped her head, swallowing before she looked back up at him. “How many other girls you said that to, Rogers?”
“One or two. In each location, I met a lot on the USO tour.” He teased as she gently titled his head back with her fingers.
“That so?” She mused, swiping the razor down his cheek in a clean, sweeping arc. “Maybe I should carve my name into you.”
Steve smiled.
“Stay still.” She instructed. “Although, I feel I should warn you, if you are mine, I don’t like people touching my stuff.”
“I’d kinda figured that one out.” Steve spoke softly as she swept the blade down his cheek again, washing it in the tin before she moved to the other side. As she stepped across him, his hands fell to the side of her thighs as she continued, her tongue poking through her lips in concentration, before she stepped behind him, his head falling back so she could move down his throat.
The tent was silent, Steve simply watching as she worked, momentarily lost. No woman had ever done this for him before, bar his mother, and that had been when he’d been too sick or sore to do it himself. But this, there was something so incredibly intimate, so innocent, so pure, so ridiculously sensual that he found himself torn between wanting to close his eyes, surrendering completely to her ministrations, and watching her as she worked. As it happened, he did both, shutting his eyes for a moment as she gently moved across his jaw before his eyes opened to focus on her pretty face, as she bent a little nearer and he swallowed.
Eventually she finished and moved round to look at him, tossing the razor into the tin as she smiled.
“There. Almost as good as new. It’ll do until we get back.”
“Thanks, Sweetheart.” Steve ran his hand over his now reasonably smooth face and took a deep breath, before he reached out, his hands taking hers. “Look, maybe, if I mean we actually make it home and get leave or whatever, me and you could, you know, perhaps go out?”
“You asking me on a date?” She smiled, and his face creased into a grin.
“Guess I am, yeah.”
She smiled, “I’d like that.”
She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, her hands tenderly cupping his strong jaw, his own gripping at her hips, fingers flexing at the roughness of her uniform. Eventually she broke away and pressed her forehead to his, taking a deep breath.
“I really do need to wash up and hit the sack.” She sighed, her voice almost an apology but Steve didn’t mind. Whilst they’d already crossed that line in a way, this was fast becoming a little more serious. Yes, Bucky was right, they had no idea how long they had, but for the time they did have, he was going to at least try and do it properly.
And bunking up again, on a pile of hard crates in the middle of some god-forsaken mountain trail was not proper. His mother would kill him.
Nodding to show he understood, he rose to his feet, his hands cupping her face as he placed a soft kiss to her lips.
“Night, Doll. Or Morning, whatever.” He smiled and she gave a little laugh as he stepped back, heading to the door of the tent. With a final look over his shoulder, he swept the flap at the front open and left to find somewhere to lay his own head for a rest.
*****
Dawn had broken on the fifth day by the time they approached the camp gates. As Steve led his platoon over the brow of the hill he felt an overwhelming sense of relieve as he saw the barrier and the men guarding it. His sharp eyes picked up one of them holding up a set of binoculars before he harshly slapped them into the palm of his partner, before setting off at a sprint back into the camp.
As they walked towards the blockade, the vehicles rumbling behind them, Steve turned to Bucky, giving him a smile which was met by one from his friend before he felt a smaller hand slide into his, giving a quick squeeze to his palm. He turned to his right and glanced down at Katie who looked up at him, her tired face bearing a look of utter relief.
The gate was raised to allow them entry into the camp, people rushing towards them, staring in awe. Soldiers began to greet their comrades, and Steve could feel the sheer outpouring of emotion as people greeted the brothers in arms they had obviously never expected to see again.
“Here he comes…” Steve heard Katie mutter and he looked up to see Colonel Phillips pushing through the group. Steve simply continued marching forwards, drawing to a halt in front of the man, offering him a crisp salute.
"Some of these men need medical attention." Were the first words he offered the Colonel and somewhere someone shouted for a medic. Steve continued to look at Phillips with a knowing expression and took a little breath in through his nose. "I'd like to surrender myself for disciplinary action."
The Senior Officer’s lips pressed together into a thin line and Steve could see him mulling things over, no doubt trying to decide whether to rip into him or praise him. In the end, he did neither.
"That won't be necessary." Phillips said simply, which Steve knew was going to be as close to a well done as he was going to get.
The Captain just about managed to refrain from smiling, as the slightest hint of a smirk twitched at his lips. "Yes, sir."
With that, Colonel Phillips turned to look at Katie. “You okay, Agent Stark?”
“Peachy, Sir.” She nodded before she gave a little snort. “Although I expect I won’t be once Howard gets hold of me.”
“Well considering he thinks you’re dead, I expect this will be a rather pleasant surprise.” Phillips arched an eyebrow and Katie looked down at the floor, swallowing. “Don’t worry, I’ll make the call so you don’t have to.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
Steve watched as the Colonel turned to leave the group, stopping as he noticed Agent Carter standing to the side, looking rather smug for want of a better word.
"Faith, huh?" Phillips looked from Agent Carter to Steve and Katie, before shaking his head slightly and heading off towards the tents.
Peggy took a deep breath before she moved, stopping as she drew herself up to full height in front of Steve and Katie before she arched an eyebrow, her eyes flicking between the pair of them.
“You’re late.” She quipped as she locked eyes with Katie who snorted. Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out the broken transponder.
“Couldn’t call our ride.” He smiled back and Peggy looked at him, shaking her head slightly, her lips curling up into a smile, before she turned back to Katie and then all professionalism left her and she stepped forward, wrapping her arms round the other woman.
“We’ve been so worried.” She whispered, and Steve turned away, not wanting to intrude on their moment, even though his super sensitive hearing made it impossible to tune out of their conversation.
“You’re not the only one.” Katie replied, and Steve heard her voice crack a little and before he could stop himself he’d reached out, his right hand curling over her left shoulder. In what appeared to be an automatic response, Katie had reached up, her arm crossing over her chest to allow her fingers to briefly tangle in his and give them a squeeze.
Agent Carter merely raised her eyebrow further, that smirk on her face growing wider before Bucky’s loud voice rang out to Steve’s left.
"Let's hear it for Captain America!”
As the cheers rang round the camp, Steve allowed himself a little moment to bask in the genuine feel good factor that seem to have flooded the place at their return. It was self-indulgent, slightly egotistical, a little arrogant even, but at that moment in time, as he glanced down at Katie who was watching him, a broad smile on her face before her top teeth bit her bottom lip as she blatantly eyed him up and down, he couldn’t have cared less.
****
Chapter 7
#stark spangled rebirth#steve rogers#steve rogers x ofc#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers x original female character#katie stark#chris evans#chris evans characters#mcu#mcu fanfic#mcu fan fic
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Newman’s Anime Reviews - Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion
Hello and welcome again to the 2nd of my 2021 anime challenge review.
For February I’ve watched something that my friends were trying to make me watch for years.
It might actually be more than a decade that I’ve been putting this title off and they were quick to add this to my challenge list once the opportunity arised.
Were they right to recommend this title to me? Should I have watched this anime earlier? Those 10 years ago?
Perhaps. Still - I’m coming here with mixed feelings on this show. But… I’ll talk more about it in the review proper.
Today’s title is the 2006’s anime by Sunrise.
Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion
Now where do I even begin with this show? What even is this? What the hell is happening?
Well…
The Empire of Britannia is one of the 3 major political powers in the world of Code Geass - ruled by the Emperor Charles zi Britannia they invaded the country of Japan 10 years before the start of the plot.
Their absolute military dominance thanks to the use of cool mecha has led to unconditional surrender of Japan which is now known as Area 11.
It is there that our protagonist - Lelouch - the young Britannian student plans to take his revenge on the Emperor himself for what he’s done to him and his wheelchair-bound sister.
I feel that it is important to put emphasis on this last part here because this is the ultimate motivation for our MC. Something that’ll drive him forward no matter what.
He wants to create a safe world for his sister. That’s it.
Need to protecc.
The question that remains is: How?
How do a teenage boy banished to one of the colonies is supposed to change the world and cause a major power shift?
We get first glimpse at his supposed skill almost immediately - with Lelouch easily defeating an adult player in the game of chess. Nothing much so far but it’s an indication of his real power “shown” later on.
Lelouch is a genius… Or at least this is what the anime tries to convey to us. He is clearly smart and a gifted strategist with lots of charisma and a penchant for theatrics.
However - this is still not enough. That’s why something happens to push our protagonist forward at this stage. In a weird turn of events, a run in with anti-britannian terrorists and a top secret research subject Lelouch obtains the titular Geass.
What is a Geass? It is a power gifted to an individual which in case of Lelouch allows him to give anyone he establishes an eye contact with a single command that this person must follow.
This is actually one of the tame ones.
From there on Lelouch joins and reforms the “terrorists” into “Black Knights” - a Rebellion led by his alter-ego the masked man called Zero - and starts executing his plan to take revenge… I mean to make the world a safe place for Nunnally.
From there we follow Lelouch as his Rebellion grows while he himself learns the limits and drawbacks of his power and tries his best to hide his identity as Zero.
Initially the show is quite entertaining - especially when it comes to battle scenes where we get to see Lelouch improbable planning and tactical skills at work. As for the other parts…
Yeah… I should have watched this show those 10 years ago because right now the parts with MC’s school life just don’t do this for me… They really slow down the plot and while they do serve the purpose of establishing various plot-important details it’s just...
Well the pacing sucks.
Without any breaks and just the action sequences the anime would be very much rushed but the break parts at school just go on forever, developing into trivial stories used to deliver some little bit of exposition or character development. The balance is off and the show doesn’t get better until the mid point…
Speaking of which…
Nice mountain you’ve got there...
There’s a major shift that happens somewhere in the mid-point of the anime that is bothering me to this day.
Who is the bad guy?
It might seem like a trivial question to many.
Obviously it’s Britannia! With their world conquest, asshole Emperor, warmongering royals, discrimination of conquered nations they call Numbers (in case of Japanese it’s “Elevens”) and engaging in wanton destruction and genocide for no good reason. They’re basically the Nazis.
With the above in mind there’s nothing wrong with Lelouch being willing to use all means at his disposal to achieve his goals… Right?
Monsters need to be stopped.
That was kinda the thing until the Battle of Narita where the Black Knights’ tactics caused the destruction of a town.
Now - this by itself could have been used to drive the point home with the Rebellion losing a lot of PR. After all the town was in the JLF controlled territory, inhabited by the Elevens and stuff…
Well. You see - the creators of the show didn’t think that was enough and/or missed the opportunity.
First of all - there’s no PR backlash for the Black Knights whatsoever. Nobody cares. The Britannian are now leading the rescue and recovery operations in the area and… It’s just weird. Why would they suddenly bother?
Secondly - it suddenly turns out that the people in the enemy-controlled territory were… Britannians? SOMEHOW. This is made to inflict personal level suffering to MC and some other characters as one of the character’s relatives dies in the event.
Third of all - after this very point there’s a major change. We no longer get to see Britannians committing atrocities but do get Lelouch crossing line after a line in the pursuit of his goals.
I think the creators realized that to make it appear more grey vs grey they can’t show Britannians as complete monsters but… It really doesn’t feel to occur naturally here. Were the person in charge of Britannians change again? Yes - I could accept that they are a better person than the previous leader. It isn’t so. And even if it was it wouldn’t undo their previous actions and made the characters that stayed seem really inconsistent.
It’s a major turn off for me when consistency in storytelling takes a back seat for a point to be made.
Because Zero’s not edgy enough without it I guess...
There’s also another kind of inconsistency here when it comes to battles.
The cool mecha used by the Britannians are… Well. In the early parts they seem indestructible until the plot demands they’re not.
At first it seems that only other mecha have the weapons that can affect them. Then we see that some weapons do work BUT it is only when MC is commanding the battle.
It’s a magic wand that removes the plot armor from Britannians whenever Lelouch is there and often gives them to the allies.
Often - being the key word here.
One good thing is that it doesn’t stick. Plot-important characters don’t die but they are not immune to damage either. The mechas often get wrecked and require fixing. Lelouch himself is subject to this quite often as he’s not an outstanding pilot like others on his side.
It is thanks to that aspect of the action parts that the anime is not becoming one-sided and remains entertaining. You’re drawn to it to see what’s happening because it’s not just another battle.
Yes... Really entertaining battles...
I think it is becoming apparent what’s the issue here.
There are a lot of things done wrong with this anime. Things that don’t necessarily break it but I can’t just overlook them. Things that are putting me off. Inconsistency, bad pacing, weird editing where some scenes are cut extremely abruptly - as if to reduce time.
There’s also the usual issue of geniuses written by people who are not geniuses. Lelouch brilliancy is only guaranteed by the fact that people on the other side will do something stupid. Some of his actions are not the brightest and some are just downright stupid and easily could lead to his downfall were his enemies to have half a brain. Or worse - one action is such a poor choice it simply falls apart on it’s own - and you could expect it to the moment “it” happens (is there a point in keeping spoilers on this show? I’m talking about Geasing Shirley).
There’s also the braindead Suzaku - a subject so controversial on the Internet that I’ve hesitated to touch it here and decided to only reduce it to a small paragraph.
Yes. Suzaku is an idealistic foil to Lelouch. He serves his purpose. BUT. His idealism is stupid - not by the virtues he’s holding but by remaining blind to what is happening around him. He wants to end the discrimination without using violence but the Britannians are killing Elevens for no reason whatsoever. Time and time again the side he’s on goes against his principles and he still sticks to them. It is becoming less and less possible to emphasise with him with each incidence.
Still - there was a certain charm to this anime. It was fun to watch and only getting better the farther in I’ve gotten.
Not including the school drama.
All in all the score I was about to give was still going to be pretty low at this point. The anime was decent but far too flawed for my tastes… That was when the last story arc started.
The pizza...
I must say. The rug was pulled from under my feet.
Those events were really unexpected. Emotionally draining and yet entertaining as nothing before in this show.
So many lines have been crossed in an instant - there was no return. Not anymore. Shit was happening and it was a spectacle to watch. Some men just want to see the world burn. Duh. I watched events unfold and I enjoyed it very much until the very end.
The end of a 1st season that assured I WILL watch the 2nd one when I find the time (I didn’t so that it wouldn’t affect this review).
All in all - the show’s grand finale is the high point that offsets all the problems I’ve talked about earlier. It is simply done perfectly.
And speaking of endings. It is time to finally end this review as well...
Final Score: 7/10
Status: Completed Season 1
Sentence: Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Watch Season 2!
Previous: Kimetsu no Yaiba
#Anime#Review#Code Geass#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion#Lelouch Lamperouge#Lelouch vi Britannia#C.C.#Kallen Stadtfeld#Geass
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freezedive:
I think I said it in one of your other beautiful posts, but I thought I’d mention it again. All of the ridiculous cutscenes did give us a golden nugget of information on Luna that most of us who are brutally critical of her (like you and me), suspected all along: Luna openly admits to Gentiana that she doesn’t think she has anything to offer Noctis outside of being an oracle. And Gentiana makes it worse by speaking in fancy words by saying some bullshit about her being the oracle is her being human or something and that she is fulfilling her true calling and that is what Noctis needs? Idk but it reeked of emotional manipulation.
I hold little to no regard for Ravus because there’s evidence Luna was being brutally beaten right under his own nose while he was busy being the Emperor’s lapdog thinking it could maybe give him the power to save his sister? The man should have opened his eyes and defended her against the men that kept them jailed
I happened on this reply to roxainn’s post while trying to recapitulate all my other FFXV critical posts and reblogs on the way to making new ones.
Crawling back to find anything about this point, I find that it was posted 3 years ago. But at least I reblogged the reply to it.... and missed that it was literally @ ME. Goddamn did I slack.
But here’s my reply, 3 years late, which should elaborate on where I stand on this.
Yes, the flashback that gets triggered by a random creepy little girl in Tenebrae is about Luna and Gentiana. Somehow the little girl knew about that conversation even though she wasn’t there to witness it first-hand? Or maybe Noctis was imagining what the conversation would be like between Gentiana and Luna off of the vague suggestion from the girl, and it’s just him telling on himself that his imagination of Luna says all that? Otherwise the not-altogether-tinfoil-hat theory says it’s Gentiana in the form of a little girl, telling Noctis something that IMO should piss him off but just makes him sad and guilty because Luna loved him so much, don’t you see. She loved him so much that after wrapping her entire life around him, she’d just want to keep that going for the rest of their lives!
Gentiana opens the conversation with, “At first, the father had mourned the fate of his chosen son. Yet in Tenebrae, the two found solace. It was not the Oracle who assuaged their fears. But the girl…she holds…the true power.”
Then Luna replies, “I have little to offer a king, other than the voice afforded the Oracle. Nevertheless…” She turns to look at the wedding dress. “And—I’m afraid he might find this foolish… But…to be together with Noctis again, even if only for a short while… It…would mean the world to me. I do not seek to guide him, merely to stand beside him.”
The exchange is all types of fucky.
First off, she was twelve. What comfort could she have offered Regis and Noctis? What comfort was she capable of when Sylva was right there, an adult with experience of an Oracle and a personality thanks to a presumable full life not hampered by grooming of the gods?
Second, every other scene of Luna as a child is of her telling Noctis his duty, and that it was her duty to see it through. Did that assuage his fears-- the fears he didn’t have at the time since he never knew the entire meaning of his fate and was being told a saccharine, embellished version of it by Luna right there? Did that comfort Regis, knowing a little girl would also die to protect his son if the gods wanted it, but that she wouldn’t have the will to avert their fates whatsoever?
Third, even she thinks Noctis would think her desire to be with him is foolish. So... was she expecting that Noctis himself didn’t have feelings for her or want to spend time with her of his own volition for reasons outside of her job? She was looking forward to a marriage with no emotional security, where her desires are one-sided and unreciprocated, and the man she cares for think she’s worthless outside of her powers? She would’ve been willing to put herself through that, given a choice?
We know what we know and think what we think, but the fact that this was placed right in the vanilla game and no one thought that was wrong, and instead they doubled down on it in patches, is pathetic on their part.
Moreover, what does The Girl have, that was separate from The Princess and The Oracle? Every facet of her being wrapped around Noctis since age 4. She was nothing but her duty by the time Noctis met her; they had no scenes where they acted as children would. Even supplemental/promotional art for other XV media and related locales cement that. Little Luna serves Little Noctis pastries, she’s not seen eating with him. Luna teaches Noctis how to play piano, she’s not playing with him. Dawn of the Future came out with its own art, and Noctis is afforded the liberty to sit in a chair, and his son(?) sits on his lap, while Luna and her spitting image child(?) are both on their knees, looking up at the dudes.
In most of their art together, Luna and Noctis are either not meeting each other's gazes, she's bending or kneeling to him, or he's supposed to be holding her close but he hover-hands her, or there’s that one time where they took a selfie and the picture was of their Pocket Edition versions. They’re still not looking at each other in that one. And it’s not canon.
Anyway yeah, any conversation Gentiana has with Luna about Noctis is emotional manipulation on Gentiana’s part, but the writers manage just enough to make everyone involved seem creepy and reprehensible in their own way.
In DOTF, Luna has a death soliloquy that confirms she sunk into the water at the end of the game’s Chapter 9, but the soliloquy is about how she was prepared to die even at the age of 12, and she put on a smile and resolved to be strong for Noctis’s sake, so that he wouldn’t remember her having a look of despair. There’s a line there about how she would cry herself to sleep but Gentiana would wipe her tears. Gentiana does nothing else except allow her to cry and wipe her tears afterward, and makes no effort to save her from her fate or at least take her out of terrible situations so that she would cry fewer tears. But there is cut dialogue from the game, and used in the novel, where Gentiana revealed herself as Shiva when Luna was <16 (probably still 12 at the time), when she thought she was being held back from forming the covenants, so there’s that. And Luna still somehow ignored that this meant Shiva allowed Sylva to die, and thanked this useless goddess for her nonexistent generosity.
For whatever reason they had to add a passage where Luna superimposes the image of an eight-year-old Noctis onto the adult version-- quote, "the image of him as a child, burned into my eyelids, overlaps with his now-grown face"-- even though Noctis has canonically sent her photos of him as a teenager (15-16, around the time he met Prompto in high school, see: Brotherhood). Granted, that's a translation from Luna's voice actress reading an excerpt as if it were first person POV. The English version says she sees the child image first, then the adult version is superimposed. Then not much after that there's a passage where Noctis smiles as his child self and it was "that smile she loved that had been in her heart all these years, giving her strength, always and forever".
So she was groomed and turned into a shell since age 4, believes she has no value outside of her job and turned her grooming on a similarly vulnerable child, and her strongest image of him, the one she fell in love with and kept in her heart, is of the helpless boy that promised her the world without knowing the cost. The smile of the carefree boy that didn't know his journey would end with his soul annihilated. It couldn’t have been that hard to have her see an image of him as the 30 year old True King of Light that he would become. At least she'd sound a little less like a weirdo who continually places herself (and is placed by the narrative) as below him, unworthy of him, etc. but also has strong feelings and memories toward a goddamn child.
Re: Ravus: you already got a reply to that, but for real? Ravus was also shafted by the plot and beaten down by terrible, amateur writing. The narrative shits on him as if it’s written by a high schooler or otherwise emotionally arrested adult trying to push a Mary Sue Protagonist. The modus operandi for those stories is that everyone who disagrees with the protagonist in any way has to suffer tremendous humiliation including but not limited to death, because the Protagonist Is Just So Good And Perfect And Always Right.
Nothing Ravus does justifies his treatment in-game or in-fandom like he’s a one-note out-and-out villain who wanted nothing but to kill Noctis and disrespect his sister, to the point where his corpse is defiled multiple times in Chapter 13 and he’s twisted into a perversion of himself that begs to die.
Chapter 13 has Noctis land next to Ravus’s corpse and all his letters to Luna, and Noctis has piss all to say about it, either out loud or to anyone. He looks at the Sword of the Father, glances at Ravus, and without a word takes the Royal Arm and lets the Magitek arm-- still dripping, still gross-- fall onto Ravus’s body and doesn’t even move it.
He had no way of knowing beforehand that Ignis and Gladio knew of Ravus being killed. WE didn't even know they saw security footage until Ch13V2 was added in. Noctis happening on his late fiancée's dead bro sounds, I don’t fucking know, like something you’d want to tell everyone else about later. Along with the letters he wrote evidencing that he intended to return the Sword of the Father to Noctis!
An aside: The Letters from Ravus are just weird to behold; it isn't 100% clear whether Luna ever received all of those letters. She had to have received the first one, at least. But the idea that Ardyn intercepted even one other letter so that Luna never heard from her brother between Tenebrae and Altissia is farfetched. He shouldn’t be able to intercept those messages as if they were delivered conventionally. Luna has a pair of magic space-bending Shiba Inu that send letters instantly across continents. If she’s sparing their use to send Noctis one-liners and stickers but can’t afford that for Ravus to send her discrete updates on Noctis’s status, she’s a piece of shit.
They do meet in Tenebrae as Ravus wanted her to, and they have the conversation where he gets on her case about her “throwing [her] life away” for Noctis. So chances are higher that Ardyn only got a hold of all three letters after Luna received them and no sooner, but then he shouldn’t be tossing letters from Ravus at the dude’s body when it makes more sense for him to toss down letters to Ravus, since the writers wanted to make a point of Ardyn having a vicious streak. It makes way more sense for Ardyn to deprive Ravus of Luna’s writing, then insult him with them post-mortem, unless Ravus’s notes were really all he could acquire, meaning Luna never once wrote back to her brother.
The Doylist explanation is that the writing team sucks and couldn't be assed to think of anything for Luna to say because they didn't think of her at all. The Watsonian explanation is that Luna’s a piece of shit and that tracks with her in Kingsglaive watching her brother burn alive in response to the Ring, but ignoring him and running to Regis’s aid instead, but then the rest of the plot presents her as morally pure through her white clothing and “unconditional, self-abnegating love” for Noctis.
Back to the topic: I don’t know, maybe I’m being old fashioned, but Noctis should’ve given more of a shit that his dropping the Magitek Arm on Ravus’s body was probably what turned him into a mutated abomination begging to die, and he thought so little of Ravus that the dude isn’t even in the glimpse of "people who helped me get this far" in the Beyond. Ravus doesn’t even get a spot to wish Noctis and Luna well on their afterlife wedding, not that it makes any sense for any of them to have words to say since Noctis is already dead, no one was there with them, and none of the bros expressed any sign that they knew that Noctis was bound to get married after his sacrifice (he sure doesn’t mention it in the final campfire scene and that’d be a better place than any). But anyway, Regis is in the Beyond at Noctis’s side even though he never told Noctis a damn thing and still never spoke to him from within the Ring, but Ravus? Nah, he’s the real asshole somehow and doesn’t deserve any recognition whatsoever.
The only other characters I know of that have a remotely similar dynamic to Noctis, Luna, and Ravus (lovers, but the girl has a straight-edge protective brother working for the bad guys) is Nero, Kyrie, and Credo (see: Devil May Cry), but as much as I think the writing in that series is hokey as fuck, at least the writer(s) for DMCs 4 and 5 had enough sense to make the love story simple and based it from a line from Amagasaki City-- “I love you, so I love the city that you love.”-- and opted against portraying Credo as an outright villain because if Nero killed him, Kyrie would resent him for it even though she knew Credo was working for the same Order that threatened her life.
Shouldn’t Noctis care about the shit Luna cares about even if he has no personal investment in it or it’s inconvenient to him? Shouldn’t he care about Tenebrae and its prosperity? or about Ravus? Nah, it’s okay, Noctis doesn’t have to respect Luna’s love for her brother or her kingdom because for all intents and purposes, she doesn’t care for Ravus or for Tenebrae as much as she loves Noctis. Her love for Noctis and her looking forward to the wedding is what matters here.
The yaaaas queen vicious clapback from Kingsglaive!Luna about how Ravus is the Empire’s dog is especially rich coming from her when she’s fellating the gods all through the game even though Eos’s equivalent of The Holy Bible says the Hexatheon’s Revelations destroy cities and that undoubtedly means people are killed by the gods, and their summoner is complicit, because there’s no such thing as a perfect evacuation. See: "Revelations left great devastation in their wake, with entire cities being laid to ruin," noted in the Cosmogony long before the True King even exists.
Luna herself didn’t see a problem with this and helped in the effort, with no regard to the collateral damage she would cause with the summoning: bonus points for the part where Leviathan is hostile to humanity and threatens to eat every living being if Noctis fails! She had even less regard to the damage Niflheim would cause in their attempt to kill the gods even though she was first-hand witness to them sacking Insomnia. Waking and defeating Titan deprived Lestallum of the meteor they derived power from. Waking Leviathan destroyed Altissia. Luna’s refusal to leave Insomnia when told to by Regis led to her being used as bait and taking the whole of the Kingsglaive out of Insomnia in time for their Face Heel Turn and Insomnia being destroyed. Everything else leads to the eventual World of Ruin where people also die.
All because she killed herself prematurely from the covenants and didn’t hold back the longer nights as she promised to the public’s face and on her honor as Oracle she would do. Her dying words in Chapter 9 were her being completely satisfied with her fate because “[her] prayers were answered, [her] calling fulfilled”, even though the calling requires that she dies and she should’ve known better than anyone that her death, even if it was for Noctis’s ascension, would endanger the rest of the world for 10 years and helped the Starscourge spread. But instead of fighting for her own life to stem the plague for as long as possible, she let herself die under the belief that "Noct can handle this" to give him the chance to be the revered King of Light. She also didn’t make a single appearance on the world of the living in her spirit form during those ten years until Noctis needed help with a piddly imitation of the Magic Wall, only then does she come down in her ghost form with seemingly all of her power intact, and summons five of The Six as if Noctis can’t easily do it himself.
But Ravus is the lapdog? Luna’s the one with her “ends justify the means” behavior and what looks like general neglect for actual human beings.
Anyway, Ravus stabs Caligo in the back and kills him, and that move only makes sense in light of the idea that Caligo was manhandling Luna as seen in the Dawn trailer. Ravus was 16 when Tenebrae was overrun, and there’s no reason to believe he was magically immune to institutional abuse, so there’s a high chance that he was abused by the Empire too, held resentment of that, and waited for the time he’d be able to retaliate with no repercussions. Gentiana as a goddess is 1000000% more on the hook about letting Luna be beaten than Ravus is, since he saw his mother die in front of him while Regis ran away. Regis had the power of the Ring and could have used elemancy to put out that fire, or void magic to banish Glauca and his MT army, didn’t do that, but he totally spares enough magic during the treaty signing to toss around Thunder spells straight from his hand, cast barriers, and summon some Royal Arms straight at Iedolas, and that’s bad enough. Gentiana who’s been the Fleuret family attendant since Luna was born and also is Shiva who can freeze people with her fingertip had even less excuse to let that fire rage, to let Sylva die protecting her son, and to stand by and allow her ward(s) to get thrown around by some random Imperial soldier.
#freezedive#ffxv critical#ffxv criticism#lunafreya critical#gentiana critical#regis critical#lunafreya nox fleuret#ravus nox fleuret#regis lucis caelum#ravus deserved better#long read
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Pairing: jimin x reader, member x reader
Genre: angel!au, angel!jimin, angelhunter!reader, fallen angel!member, unrequited love?
Warnings: explicit language, gore, unhealthy sibling relationship, funny business, loads of sexual tension, eventual smut
Summary: only once in a blue moon do an angels fall from the skies, to the luck of a young angel hunter an angel fell right into her hands.
Words: 6.6k+
Note: This has been in the works for the longest time!!! This is a multiple members x reader, but the second member is revealed in the story! I’ll add them to the tags a few days after the release, spoilerss. I hope you guys will like it, it’s very original (i hope).
The crunching of snow, crumbling at the heel of your shoes. The pure white earth blending with the light blue sky of the early morning, the only sign of ground being that of the overgrown Oak trees, bare of leaves with only some stringy twigs remaining. With the occasional cuties running across the ground and little furry creatures, lightening your mood by the minute.
The crisp wind slicing the bare skin of your cheeks. Your fingertips tightening around the leather wrap of the basket in your hand.
Skipping over the protruding roots of the Oaks, you make your way towards the far creek, far enough for your heels to start aching. The wisps of your hair brushing past your cheeks in strange patterns, as if it was getting rougher. Giving you a sense of unease. You faced the direction of which the wind originated letting the air rush past your ears as you watched the obscurity in the distance.
It looked like nothing special to the usual eye, but you weren’t usual. If you were just anyone else, you’d just assume it was some bird flying in a strange circle and you would have gone about your day. A sinking feeling maybe had found itself within you, was it really that time again?
Instantly, you forgot about the basket and your search for the pollen, it wasn’t as important now that you’ve seen that.
You ran like your life depended on it back towards Hearth. As soon as you reached the gates your fellow mates faces twisted with confusion at the usually calm collected girl running like a crazed witch ablaze.
“Brother! Brother!” You yelled, as you reached the castle’s courtyard, hoping to get a sense of his direction. Within an instant one of the hunters raised his finger in the right direction. You thanked him quickly running into the left wing, he must be in the library.
Blasting the damned door open, you scurried about. Whipping your head around, you finally see the spot in which his dark hair illuminated by the large window. He’s completely covered in thick fur, making your nose flare but you couldn’t think too much of it now. Your tapping heels quivered his ears enough to make him expect your arrival but the look on his face changed when he sees how distressed you looked.
“What happened—”
“I saw one, it fell in Ivory Orchard—well not really. I was near it and it was falling east from the direction of Hallow Creek,” You spit out, catching your breath with your hands on your knees bracing yourself.
Your brother’s eyebrows cocked, “Are you sure?
“Yes! I’m sure, Taehyung—you know it was suppose to happen weeks ago, it’s here now,” You told him.
The look on his face was doubt and worry, of course, you had just given him hope for the season. It had been slow and well, it was about time. You’ve all been lacking in game.
“I’ll get the Guild out,” Taehyung got up, dropping his book on his seat as he pushes past you without a glance.
You were fuming, knowing damn well what he meant, “The Guild?”
“Yes, if you saw one there’s always bound to be more than one,” He responds, marching towards the main hall with you trailing behind him.
He was walking fast, and you were walking even faster than him. Managing to get in front of him you scoffed, “I found it.”
“Doesn’t fucking matter if you’ve seen him, y/n, only matters when you catch one,” His eyes burned into yours.
Grunting you made your way past him, “So I’ll go fucking get it.”
Before you could get far, he roughly grabbed you, pulling you back, “You’ve never caught one, shit, you’ve never even fucking seen one up close Y/n. Don’t get your hopes up.”
“Neither have you.” Friendly rivalry wasn’t something that ran in your family, it was rather brutal. You all wanted to be the epitome, the best. Never given the chance yet now was that time.
You didn’t understand his anger, you gave him information, if there were many why would he be worried that he wouldn’t have the kill.
“Y/n, look at yourself. You’re kidding yourself if you think you’d actually kill one of them.”
“Look at you, we both know I’m more hunter than you are—Father’s said it, Mother’s too fucking nice to tell you the truth,” You spat.
Reality was hard on him, you know that. Since childhood you’ve excelled past him. It was humiliating, you knew it. Whilst you were praised for your talents, Taehyung was considered a waste. You were twins, they considered you the blessed twin thinking that you excelled past many because you got all your Father’s talent leaving none for your twin, making him the lesser.
Your parents never treated you guys differently, but neither was your father a liar. He was honest, to the point, wouldn’t bullshit whatsoever, whenever Taehyung would slack, he’d get in trouble. You never thought Taehyung would ever grow into a hunter, you never thought he wanted to be one. You two used to share a bedroom where he’d constantly be reading, dreaming and drawing. He’d follow you on herb hunts to merely draw the flowers, he was strong, physically but he couldn’t stand the sight of blood.
During your physical maturity he passed out seeing the red stains on your bedsheets, he also cried thinking you were going to die. You were close, as close as any twin could be until he could finally understand the stares and murmurs he’d get about being the lesser twin. It was then, when you were both sixteen when he broke away finding his own group of friends and leaving you alone. You didn’t seek friendship, neither did you try.
Your brother became his own person, of course many would still talk when you needed to stand together side by side with your Father but otherwise, he was his own man. A man many women lusted for and well, had. He became a true man-whore. Picking women like they were toys he could discard, one of the reasons why you preferred being away from him. That and his disgusting friends, none of which were worthy enough to be called hunters.
He kept his mouth shut, his eyes dropping towards your shaking hands. You knew he can’t stand in your way. Pushing past him you rushed to your bedroom to ready up. Gathering all the gear you’d need, gathering your thoughts for the first time—a lifetime of training to finally kill—
An angel.
The long day had drained into a long night, teams of what few hunters existed unearthed the area. Ripping apart the little greenery and even threatening the villagers around. You rolled your eyes at their attempt, of course the people around here despised your kind—mostly out of fear and hatred.
Hunters, they should be grateful. The kingdom does nothing to protect them, only the Hunters do the dirty work, getting paid little for it, leading Hunters like yourself to sell your catch to others that would pay a high price for it. Including, alchemists who’d used the parts for their craft, or wealthy nobles who’d consumed them for holistic beliefs. Or if desperate you’d even trade them to witches.
Of course, many hunters lurked for different hunts, you were the most daring kind. Angel Hunters, hunting the feathered that fell from the sky during a blue moon. They’d all fall the same time and scatter around the world for safety, their safety whilst causing chaos to your world. They’re of high priority to the royals and rich, they love to hang their precious wings on their walls for status. Getting their asses kissed by those that desire to be them as they gloat about their hunt, eluding the fact that you, angel hunters like you, get drenched in blood getting those pretty wings for them.
As much as you hated angels, you hated those people way more.
The snow had started to level, stomped on by your people. You had lost hope at this point, you weren’t going to get that angel, over the hill you could see your brother ordering men around to find the angel. They’ve found a feather, so now they’re determined.
Most Angel Hunters were men, they could handle their strength easier, it was just the truth yet the rare females were always stronger, if we inherit it that is. You weren’t going to come out this far again anytime soon in this weather if you hadn’t thought it would be the right chance to finally get that pollen, before it’s all gone.
Huffing you trudged over towards the ravenous creek, known to have killed many little children from neighbouring villages apparently. Good, you didn’t have to worry of teeny devils getting in your way, you’d gladly push them into the water in fact.
The red pollen plant popped clearly against the white snow, you fell on your knees, deep in snow as you eyed the plant trying to get a sense of a good one. Needing a healthy, juicy one to properly extract. Turning around you grabbed your bag and pulled out a small drawstring bag, lined inside with leather and wool on the outer. Leather to keep the plant from getting into the fabric, with edition from the wool keeping it all dry. You continued to pick at all the pollen you could.
It was strangely serene, the sound of rolling water and the occasional chirping from birds. If only you could sit here forever, if only that wasn’t extremely boring.
Getting off your bum, began to get back, eyeing a large group of pollen, excitement filled you as you ran towards it. One of your hands, trying to wisp it all up, causing a stain on your bare skin, your eyes widening in shock as the stain began to drip off you onto the dusted white snow illuminated by the night sky.
What—
This wasn’t pollen. It was blood, it wasn’t just any blood, fresh blood. At this point in the season and time, no animal was out hunting. It was hard to believe at first that it was blood, but the smell was enough to secure that thought. No more second guessing, it has to be.
Your head whipped around, looking for any signs of more blood, hopefully a trail. The damned thing lost what seemed like a ‘death approaching’ load of blood.
A thrill shot through you, a trail. Not just any, a trail any animal could smell from far away.
Instantly, you rushed towards the droplets. Red and fresh, hard to see in the darkness but reeks enough to tell you it was close.
You knew this area well, you knew everywhere very well. Thanks to your talented twin who’d sketch maps and locations all the time, you managed to remember most of it, without his permission of course. You could only think of one place it would be hiding in.
There it was—whimpering.
Heavy breathing.
Your heart raced, somehow in the tiniest place in your head you wished it wasn’t an angel, hoping it would be anything but that, yet there in the thorny bushes circling(circling) around a bare space where a large white oak once sat before lightening took it down. Approaching it, you gripped the blade in your waist. Unsheathing it and twirling it in your hand to point in its direction. Within the ring of bushes, you saw something over the thorns. Stealthily you hopped over the bush, landing without a sound. Seemingly your previous skills worked wonders in this case, you were used to doing dirty deeds for others with enemies.
You circled the white fluff covering the ground, its feathered covering it from danger but also from knowing of approaching danger like yourself. Your heart raced, you felt like it was beating out of your chest at this point. Choking you up slightly, beating at the base of your throat. Your chest heaving trying to keep yourself calm.
Calm like the wind.
Finally getting around to a point where you could see light hair peeking out of the large wings. A weighted feeling filled you, it was just like you, looked like you. Human but winged, you blinked away your thoughts, they weren’t the right things to be thinking right now, those things were scums.
Before your feelings could get in the way of duty again, you lifted the blade to strike at it, where it would kill within an instant. With your body ready to strike a twig snapping underneath your feet causing light coloured eyes to blink into life.
A gasp left your lips as its wings feathered outwards, pushing it back away from you within an instant. As the wings spread apart it revealed the being that hid underneath the soft surface. Its eyes ripped apart with a shriek spilling from its lips.
The being scrambled towards the far end, pushing itself into the vines of the thorns and razor-sharp leaves, visibly leaving dents into its wings—feathers puffing through the air.
You hovered over it, trying your hardest to focus on your intentions, gripping the hilt of your knife so hard your hand could literally turn red. As you took in its physical attributes you saw it all.
The angel’s pure white lashes over its light eyes glimmering in the moon lit night, pupils directing its gaze towards the glistening dagger in your hand. Its bare chest heaving as it finally meets your gaze.
Your breath hitched as you could feel your heart tighten at the thing in front of you, seemingly so innocent, pure, nothing like you were raised to believe. It didn’t seem to be a shell filled with evil but rather, a terrified, frail, losing, prey.
Its white skin covered with scratches, blood, even dirt. Snow peppering on the ends of its relatively messy hair, as a flake falls right on the end of its button nose, you sneered causing your prey to whimper, not truly from its attempt to duck but from its strained movement.
As it laid on its side, you laid eyes on the palm that grasped its waist, holding onto a large wound, dirtied with twigs and grass. Its bare feet kicking even though it did nothing to get up, it was pathetic, even sad how hard it was trying but in the end it does nothing to help.
You stepped closer to it, blinking towards it, finding a spot for you to strike. It squinted in pain, its mouth shivering as it managed a few words, “Please—I—I won’t hurt you.”
It spoke the language you do and for some odd reason you didn’t expect that. Of course, you’ve heard the tales, gotten the lectures and studies about Angels but to finally be in front of one and getting the information firsthand was just—different.
“You can’t hurt me even if you tried,” You spat, narrowing your eyes at the angel’s wounds. It took note, nodding as it lets out a deep breath seemingly spacing out.
Its head whirling, as its eyes kept drooping.
You couldn’t help but feel sympathetic, but you couldn’t show it, “Gosh, from all the tales I’ve been told to fear those like you—you don’t live up to your reputation angel.”
It blinks, puffing its cheeks before responding, “Fear me? I don’t—I’m sorry?”
You cocked your head with confusion, maybe the thing was losing braincells, “Don’t play dumb.”
The look on its face was enough to answer that. You shook your head pointing your blade at it, “Your kind fall from the sky to disturb the peace on our lands. No one in our world believes the folklore that was told to us as gullible children, that ’angels are messengers of god’ if anything you all serve the devil.”
Its eyes widened with disbelief, murmuring to itself. Pulling itself together it looked to you, “Is that what you believe? That we’re descendants of the devil?”
Its eyes watered. You couldn’t believe it, it must be acting, faking it for your sympathy maybe it would survive. Or it was stupid.
“I don’t believe in much of what they say, I believe in what I see—”
“And do you see the devil?” It cuts you off, “Please, we’re here to help.”
“Help with what exactly, it’s been centuries since your kind was valuable to us in terms of ‘help’ let’s just say—” You dropped to your knees, your hand striking your blade onto the end of the angels wing causing it to shriek out in pain.
“—nobles value your kind for reasons that you’d rather not know of.”
It nods, knowing that it’d survive longer agreeing than fighting you.
“You’re one of those angel hunters…aren’t you?” Its voice wavering, tears ran right down its face now, dropping all over its bare chest and—thighs.
Yours eyes looked down subconsciously, seeing exactly what you didn’t intend on looking at. You looked away, blade still plunged into the angel’s wing. Its shaking hand hovered over your own, suddenly it drops onto your skin. The angel’s hand was cold and delicate over your torn-up knuckles and broken nails.
It saw the hesitation in you, with every step you doubted. It wasn’t stupid at all. It read you, it understood you. It showed this, “We aren’t bad—we’re brought down here to help you all. We’re just messengers of heaven we have no ill thought or even the means to do such bad things.”
You didn’t want to listen to it, not at all. “Please—”
Its cries struck within your core.
“Then what are you here to do, angel.” As much as you didn’t want your heart to win against your head it always managed to. You blankly stared awaiting a response from the feathered being.
He breathes deeply before his eyes sank into your own, “To teach what can’t be taught through violence and pain.”
An overbearing weight on your shoulder told you it was a mistake, the little devil on your shoulder said to just stab him in the back right now—right through his heart—the back of his head through his eye sockets.
But you couldn’t even imagine doing that, fuck, what was wrong.
You felt pathetic, like a failure. All your life you trained to finally lay eyes on your prey, to kill him and take his wings like the savages you were supposed to be. But you can’t, it felt so wrong. Your skin crawled, itched, grew hives thinking of it. That feeling in your chest, squeezing tightly within you had just made you the weakest link of all, a hunter who couldn’t hunt.
Here he was, the angel you thought to kill, walking in front of you with your overcoat covering him and his large wings. From afar he merely looked like an extremely pale boy with glittery hair and features, walking barefoot. His wings wouldn’t retract, he said from his injuries he can’t make himself hide it, he needed to heal first. What were you even doing?
He would look back every now and then, was he making sure you weren’t going to kill him or whether you’re still following him. You were guiding him to your home, you chose to be behind him to get a view of him and whatever upcoming dangers. You didn’t tell him another reason was to keep him where you could see, you didn’t trust him, not fully. He had his way with words, somehow so eloquent with his words and so convincing, maybe it was one of his traits, lying.
You decided to take him the long way that would allow you both to arrive behind the castle at Venandi Hallows, you weren’t about to drag an angel right through the front gates into the training ground for all the hunters who trained after dark to jump him and neither were you going back the same way you came to face your twin and have him see what you’ve decided to do, gosh he would be so angry, disappointed, he wouldn’t believe himself.
The angel cradled your coat around himself like a child, as he padded through the snow, the closer you got to home the more nervous you became. Hopefully no one would be out the back at this moment in the night.
“Is this the place?” His voice echoed, dragging you back to reality.
You blinked at the view ahead, nodding, “Yes, it is. We better be quick unless you want to die.”
He looked back at you, giving you a visible full nod as he side stepped for you to lead. You didn’t look him in the eye as you passed him, even feeling his radiating heat, must’ve been an angel thing which would explain how he was able to withstand the freezing weather with nothing on and not get hypothermia or well, die.
Your bedroom was the only place you knew as safe, no one would dare walk in unannounced. It was also further up the tower than most other bedrooms, the only problem being your brother who might’ve been in his room across your own.
For safe measures you locked the door as secure as you could, for some reason you felt a sense of possessiveness over the angel. The angel that now, still draped with your raven black coat, sat on your cotton sheets. He feels at the fabric underneath him, his gentle small hand brushing over it with such curiosity.
“What am I supposed to do now,” You mumbled.
The angel heard you. His eyes watch you pace back and forth around your room with such worry. You could feel his burning eyes. He lets out a squeak before he seals his lips shut, he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know if he could. You pause, looking over at him to lock eyes with him.
His chest freezes mid breath, he doesn’t even blink, staring back at you.
“You wanted to say something, angel.”
The angel nods, taking a deep breath before he responds, “I apologise for putting you in this position.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is. You didn’t need to help me, I don’t know why you did but I thank you… for saving my life. I owe my entire existence to you, I shall serve you until your last breath.”
That was unexpected. You didn’t want this, no, you wanted to get rid of him but instead he’s devoting himself to you just like that. You recalled the events earlier, groaning with frustration. He mentioned ‘we’ as he spoke, could that possibly mean there were multiple here to serve whatever purpose that he was here for as well.
“You mentioned something earlier, I want to know whether there’s more of you,” You asked.
The angel froze again, looking down at his hands whilst twisting them about, “Yes, there are.”
He seemed troubled having to express this. You didn’t expect him to be so straightforward to you.
“Angel. What are you actually here to do,” You pushed, stepping closer to him. You see him tense up. The little hairs on his skin standing up.
He closes his eyes for a few seconds, “I was sent to fall because of a prayer.”
“A prayer? Could you speak with sense! Stop speaking in metaphors.”
“They aren’t metaphors. A girl called for us, she’s spent her entire life praying for us to come here and we’ve finally been able to,” He explained, his voice wavering as if he was going to break out in tears.
It caused you to feel a squeeze in your chest.
“Who’s the girl.”
“I don’t know.”
This wasn’t going the way you wanted. You’d had hoped if there was a name, you’d take him to her, and he’d finally leave. You move yourself over towards a vacant chair, dropping yourself on it as if you were some heavy load.
The groan that left your lips and the hands that rubbed against your face told the angel that you were burdened by him. He felt awful, “I—I’d like to know your name.”
“My—my name? Why would you need to know that?”
“I don’t need to know it, but I’d like to know it.”
You sighed, “Y/n.”
“Y/n. Y/n…” The angel mumbles your name quietly, you could only see his lips move while he pronounces the word, “My name is Jimin.”
“Jimin? Strange name for an angel.”
He nods, letting out a breathy laugh, “I know. I was told to use this name when I’m here, it was my name before I died.”
Before he died. So, it was true that angels were the souls of those that passed. He must’ve done a lot of good to become an angel. Maybe he was the kindest person to exist, he seemed like he was. He was changing a lot of your assumptions of his kind, they weren’t so scary, they weren’t murderers of yet, nor were they seemingly ‘spawns of the devil’.
“Do you like being an angel?”
“Yes. I get to help people. I get to see things people don’t get to see. Most importantly I get to meet incredible people…if I was never an angel, I would’ve never met you.” His words were sweet, too sweet for a world like your own.
“I—“
“Y/n!” A loud knock in the door made you jump off your seat, “It’s me, we’ve caught one.”
It was your brother. He’s, he’s actually caught one. You look towards Jimin, his expression showed everything—he was scared, worried for his fellow angel. He begins to get up, your coat slipping off his body.
“No! Sit down,” You whisper shouted, motioning for him to stay seated. For his own safety and your eyes’ purity.
You knew you had to go out to see it, hoping Jimin would listen and stay put, “I’ll be there in a second, brother.”
You hear him respond before his footsteps echo further and further away. Breathing a sigh of relief, you hear Jimin ask, “That’s your brother? He sounds… scary, did he catch an angel?”
“I think so.”
“Please—I need to help him—“
“No, I’ll figure something out, just please don’t go anywhere,” You cut him off, pleading at him, “I… I don’t want to lose you, okay?”
His face flushes red, his eyes widening. Jimin nods rapidly, settling himself into your bed. You don’t know what had gotten into you, there was just an overwhelming sense that filled you. But it wasn’t important right now.
You rush out of the door, taking one last look back at him. He gives you a worried smile, assuring you that he’d stay put but also showing that he was worried.
The race downstairs was quick, you could hear the loud shouting coming from the dungeons right away. It was indeed your father and brother arguing. You pushed past all the people in the way to get a proper look at the situation.
The angel tied up in the centre of the room, he was hanging from his bound wrist off the ceiling. He was terribly wounded, and his eyes couldn’t even stay open. Something strange did stand out amidst the argument.
Your father takes one look to realise you were here, “Y/n, tell me why your brother caught a defective angel.”
“A what?”
Taehyung growls, “Father said that this angel is defective, take a look at it.”
You knew what he meant, the angel didn’t have pure white hair, or pure white wings. They were black, pitch black. He was much larger than Jimin. You’ve read about these types of angels before. Fallen angels.
You knew one way that could allow him to live, one way.
“He’s a fallen angel,” You announced, the angel’s ears perked. He looks up at you from between the space of your father and brother. His naked body, glimmering in the candle lit room.
His left eye bruised and cut, his body covered in stab wounds, yet he still stood on his knees with dominance.
“So, it won’t sell,” Taehyung spat, “Like I fucking said, Dad.”
Your father curses, whipping his hand at the crowd of hunters motioning for them to leave. He lets out a sound of frustration.
“It’s been months since we caught one, Taehyung you need to lead a proper hunt. Y/n, I know you’re a good tracker, I know you can do this alone. We won’t survive without another one, please.”
That was all he said. Your father walks away without another word, knowing that you two would do as he told. You sighed, seeing your brother in distraught.
“Tae—“
“Don’t talk. I need to figure this out,” He interrupts, mumbling some plans to himself.
You look at the poor angel on the ground, probably wondering what his fate would be. “What about him.”
“It. Will die,” Taehyung pulls out his pocket watch, “With cuts like that, he’ll bleed out anyway. A painful death for a worthless hunt.”
Your brother doesn’t bother saying another word or sparing you a glance when he leaves. Stomping his way out of the dungeons leaving you standing across from the tainted soul. You took in his appearance this time.
Stepping closer, you see him try to move backward away from you with fear.
You continued, eyeing him. His hair was tousled, curly and longer than Jimins’. His body was stocky and buff, much more than Jimin. He was naked of course, you were trying to avoid eye contact with his privates. His thighs, his very muscular thighs, were what your eyes couldn’t part with.
You walk towards the table against the wall, pulling out the fabric underneath the gruesome tools and tossed it at his crotch. Completely covering him up. The angel’s head turned up, his eyes snaps towards you.
His lips curled into a smirk, “Can’t stand the sight of me?”
You tilt your head. He’s indeed very different.
“I bet you feel disappointed.”
“Disappointed?”
“Yes, in your men. I’d be disappointed too if I looked like them,” He laughs, his body language filled with arrogance. Well he was very deviant compared to Jimin.
His bounded hands rustled, the chains clanged against each other, he was getting off his knees. You see the way he didn’t care that the cloth had dropped off his crotch, he stood fiercely over you. His broad shoulders covering most of the light behind him.
He cocked his head sideways, narrowing his eyes into you. You hold your head up high unmoving, you didn’t want to show him that you were intimidated whatsoever.
“You look different from most of the hunters I’ve seen.”
“You’ve seen more than this?” You motioned behind you where the hunters were.
He nods his head, “You aren’t the only camp of hunters, darling.”
The word he used shot a spike through you.
“By that I assume that you’ve survived their hunt, why have you lost to this one?”
The angel bites the side of his lip, “A bad day, I guess.”
From the little experience you’ve had, he was the first fallen angel you’ve ever seen or even talked to. He was indeed fearless, he didn’t even flinch when your brother mentioned he was to die. He was so, ominous.
“You have a big ego.”
“No, I think I’m just confident.”
“You think you’re better than everyone—“
The angel clicks his tongue, “No, I just know I’m better than everyone around here. Don’t lie to yourself, all the sad brutes you house, they don’t compare to me. Be honest, wouldn’t you rather suck my cock than theirs?”
His perverted words should’ve made you feel disgusted, but instead somehow you were confused, your body was confused.
“How are you so shameless.” You took a look around to make sure no one else heard a thing.
He raises his eyebrow at you, “You’re the only pretty thing I’ve seen in years. How could I not be, I want to live too.”
So, he was trying to use you to save himself, great. You rolled your eyes, watching as the angel twists himself around possibly stretching out his sores and aches, giving you a look at his flexing abs in the process.
“Come on, it’s not like you’re not keeping a little secret already.”
You felt nerves rising up your spine, your face heating.
“I can smell the angel you have, no one else knows?” He grins, “You’re one naughty hunter, aren’t ‘ya.”
“I think you need to shut up,” You said with a low menacing tone, “I could kill you.”
The angel nods, grinning to himself, “But you won’t. You’re too nice.”
Nice, in a world like this nice didn’t exist. It was a pity and the rare sense of sympathy from most. You just couldn’t process the fact that the damned angel had figured it out already, why didn’t Jimin tell you that angels could smell each other.
“If you help me, I’ll be on my way and you can keep your little white angel.”
You had to, there was no other way.
“And how do I do that, I’m no doctor.”
“The angel can heal—“
“Then why can’t you?”
He sighs, rolling his eyes at you, “Like you said, I’m a fallen angel. I’m not like him, I’m the worthless leftover of heaven. Why do you think they tossed me away, why my wings turned black and my hair burnt away?”
“Alright then, just don’t make a sound, okay?”
He seemed pleased that he managed to convince you. Standing up straighter, his face flinching whilst you tried to unchain him. It was rather easy to pick these chains. The chains dropped to the ground with a rattle, the angel breathed a sigh of freedom. Rubbing his wrists with a pure smile on his face.
“Now, where’s your friend?”
You didn’t think this through very well, you were never good at making plans. You did manage to sneak the angel up, his wings were massive though, but you were thankful that everyone was at dinner instead of the living courters.
Pushing the door open you see Jimin curled up under your blanket, sleeping away with a peaceful look on his face.
When you shut the door leaving all of you finally alone. The angel flutters his wings out, it was then that you realised that the bottom half of one of his wings were missing. He sighed, taking it in his hands. He brushes it against his face, closing his eyes to savour it. You did find beauty in the darkness of his wings, you’d like to think he did too.
He saw you watch him, locking eyes with you he gave you a foreign expression.
“He’s sleeping,” You said.
The angel nods, “I can see that. We can wait.”
He sits himself in the chair you once sat in, making himself comfortable. You see his wounds start leaking blood again, you couldn’t help but feel like you needed to do something.
“Would you survive the night, with cuts like that?”
“I don’t know,” He revealed, his voice showed signs of doubt. He flicked his eyes back and forth between his stomach and your face, “At least I’ll die with a pretty girl looking over me.”
“Shut up. You won’t die.”
You walked towards the end of your bed where you kept most of the supplies for accidents. Rustling through the chest, you came across some tonics, chemicals and gauze. Hopefully it would stop the bleeding. You also picked up the thing you hated, needles and thread, you could never imagine using them for wounds neither did you even dare watch someone use it.
You marched over to the dark angel, setting the supplies on the desk behind him where you usually worked. His eyes watched your hand drop the stuff down, he furrows his eyebrows at it.
“What’s that going to do?”
You took a deep breath, “Hopefully, it will seal you up.”
His face was plastered with doubt still, he must’ve never seen such things. You wouldn’t blame him he wasn’t human after all. You pulled up another chair to place in front of him. Picking up a thin blanket on the way, holding it out to him.
He looks between you and the blanket again, “What do I do with this?”
“Cover yourself up, I don’t need to see your…uhm that, or breath over it when I stitch you up,” You sat on the chair.
The angel’s face twists to a grin, his eyebrows curving playfully, “I wouldn’t mind you breathing over my cock if you wanted.”
He sees the look on your face and immediately covers himself. You weren’t in the place to play along right now or argue. You just needed to make sure he wouldn’t die in his sleep.
“It’s going to hurt.”
“It won’t hurt as much as getting my feathers ripped out.”
You wanted to apologise, for the shit he went through. The shit your brother did to him, or made others do to him. It was so unnecessary, usually we hunt angels with the purpose of selling them whole now a days. Keeping them pretty, but of course your brother was angry that he wasn’t a proper angel, so he took it out on him.
“I’m going to start, okay,” You told him, your hands shaking as you held the needle.
He notices this, taking your hand in his large warm hands, “I don’t know what you’re going to do but it’s okay, it won’t hurt me.”
You appreciate his motivation, nodding. You clean him up a little before beginning. Right at the first incision his hand drops to your thigh, gripping onto it, “Oh fuck.”
You let out a little chuckle unknowingly.
“Oh yes, it’s real funny.”
“I’m sorry!”
He shakes his head letting out a smile, “Yea, yea.”
You started with the wound closest to his chest, then you went down. Closing three of them up and having one left. The last one being on the side of his pelvis. He pushes himself further towards the end of the chair, leaning himself back giving you more space. But with that given space his thighs spread over your own, trapping you in between his own.
You lean over his crotch, resting your elbow between the joint of his hips and thigh. Surprisingly he lacked hair in almost every part of his body but his head. His eyes never leaving you, watching you seal up his cuts.
His hands shaking from the pain, you could see from the corner of your eyes they came close to your face. His hand lightly brushes the fallen strand of hair behind your ear, you paused, not knowing where to look.
You blinked up at him. His face seemingly getting closer…and closer. His wavering hand, slipping behind your nape, pulling you closer to him. Now he was the one breathing over you, his lips so close. His eyes locked with yours, the dark eyes seemingly even darker now.
You see the ball in his throat move as he swallows. His lips brushing against your own, before it fully takes you. The wet, warm and soft pink skin against your own, heating your body up against the winter cold. He was burning you up, his touch was stirring you up. Lips moving against each other without a care in the world, you’ve planted your hands against his abdomen, feeling up the flexing muscle of it.
He lets out a filthy groan, filling up your ears with its alluring sound.
He threads his fingers into your loose hair, holding you against his lips. His free hand sliding up your thigh, so close to your warming core.
He pulls away with a lewd smack, his lips wet with your mixed saliva, “I don’t even know you name, darling.”
“Y/n.”
He smiles with bliss, “Jungkook.”
#bts#bts smut#jungkook#jungkook smut#jimin smut#jungkook x reader#jimin x reader#bts fanficition#repost since it disappeared for some reason!
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I Think I Need Help (Hotch x OC) pt 3
Hey I’m back. (Also I wish the pages app would show me the word count on these because dang, this was like 5 pages of writing)
So this does not 100% follow season 2 episode 11 anymore.
However, my warnings still stand
WARNINGS: regular CM violence, rape, suicide, self harm, and light cheating
Nothing besides the light cheating goes into a lot of detail, just mentions and I want anyone who reads this to be prepared
I quickly rush to gather anything that is visible and bloody and stash it. I remember when I first got close with Aaron, I gave him a key to my place. In case anything happened, so someone had access to my stuff and whatever else might be needed. I’m surprised he didn’t use it this morning.
After that I showered as fast as I could, coming back into my room and changing. I threw everything I needed into my bag and ran into the kitchen, only to find Aaron sitting at my kitchen table.
“Did you speed here or something?” I smiled at him. Just pretend Sam. He won’t figure it out. He won’t try to profile you.
“I was worried. I don’t like being worried about you.”
“Well, you’re not my Dad, Aaron. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Morgans brought up that he’s worried too.”
“I’m fine.”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that. You haven’t been acting like yourself.”
“I’m fine Aaron. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you. I’m just stressed and tired. Lets get back to the office okay.”
Aaron stood up, brushing past me on the way to the door. I really hate lying to him. But, there’s no way in hell I’m telling him the truth. Just one more, before you go. I shake off the thought. I’m not addicted to this again. This isn’t my life. This won’t be my life. I’ll die before that happens.
“So, what did I miss this morning?” I ask, kinda annoyed I slept in on such an important case.
“No new suspects, yet. Another body was found, this one with word ‘failure’ carved into her abdomen. Gideon had just started his psych eval with Nathan before I left.”
Failure, did he emphasize that word on purpose? Is that all he thinks of you. Just the little kid charity case he has to babysit. He hates you. He doesn’t want you around.
“So, how likely is it that the kid did it?” I shake off my thoughts. Stop it Sam. Aaron is one of your best friends. He loves you and cares about you. No he doesn’t. Stop pretending.
“It’s hard to say, I don’t want to believe he did it, but it is still possible.”
I sighed, trying to calm my thoughts. How strange though, to be comforted by the thought of my blood running down my arm.
“Aaron…”
“Sam.”
“Please don’t worry about me. I promise, I’m fine. And if I wasn’t, I’d do whatever it takes to make sure I stayed alive for you and everyone else.”
“The do whatever it takes part is what worries me.” Aaron started, changing lanes and pulling into our parking lot. “Ever since you started with us, you’ve become one of my best friends. I really care about you and I know, I’m over protective.”
I can’t. I can’t have him caring. Theres only one way out of these thoughts. If 10 years wasn’t enough to end them completely, what would be?
“Let’s just get inside..” I got out of the car, and he followed.
The elevator ride took forever. I felt Aaron watching me, studying me. As we reached the floor the offices were on, I stepped forward.
“Don’t try to profile me, Aaron. You won’t like what you find.”
He came up along side of me and whispered something in my ear that made my heart sink.
“I know your neighbors aren’t in a band. I’ll figure out what’s going on eventually”
And he just walked away.
I sat down by Reid as Gideon had brought the kids mom into his office. From the looks of it, it wasn’t going too well.
The day passed by me in a blur of files, and trying to figure out how this all could have happened. How am I still here, why am I here. I’m not helping this investigation whatsoever and I’m really no use to the BAU at all. Especially if they all have to worry about me.
Thats when I noticed it, a damp spot on the left arm of my black top. I must have subconsciously started picking at the cuts. I get up and head to the bathroom, cleaning and drying them as quickly as possible. I got back to my desk, and Nathans mom was looking for him. He wasn’t back at home in his room and she had found some pretty disturbing edits to an edition of Hustler.
We all split up and made our way through the street searching for him. Until, another body was found.
This was…. wrong. Our unsubs profile was literally that he kills early in the morning. Not killing late at night, and to also have him dump this girl at the base of the Federal Building? It doesn’t make sense. Even if he was devolving, this takes risk. This takes prior knowledge of what’s happening around here.
Hotch says as much, but it still doesn’t mean Nathan didn’t just do this as he was passing the poor girl and kept running.
Reid follows a local cop who found the kid, and he brings him in.
Back at the offices, Aaron asks to speak to me in his.
“I think you should sit the rest of this one out, Sam.”
“Why, Aaron?”
“You’re not all here, and I don’t know what’s going on with you, but no one is going to think any less of you for taking a couple days to figure it out.”
“I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you that I am okay. Am I the same as I was? No. But who would be? I know what actually went through some of these girls minds.” My chest tightened, and for a second, just a second, I was back in his basement, my hands tied behind me as he pushed himself into me.
“Sam…” I heard Aarons voice, he sounded distant. 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. I gave up. I was ready to die. They didn’t need me.
“Sam, I’m right here. You’re okay.” No, I’m not. I felt something gripping my wrist. No. I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I tried, I tried to break free.
“No…” I whispered.
“Sammi!” Aaron raised his voice just a little, and the scene around me went back to his office.
“I… Wha… Aaron?” I felt something wet fall from my eyes, I pressed my finger gently underneath, wiping away tears. Aaron guided me to sit down in front of his desk, he kept his hand on my left forearm. That must be why I felt pressure, he probably grabbed me to help steady me. He leaned on his desk.
“Want to explain what just happened?”
“If I knew, I promise you, I would.”
“Talk me through it.”
There was a knock on the door.
“Hang on a second, Sam.”
Gideon appeared, nodding at me.
“We found our guy, and we’re heading out to grab him now.”
“Alright, I’ll be down in a second.”
Gideon left, and Aaron came back to me.
“You’re sitting this arrest out, Sam. I want you to stay here and help Garcia. That’s an order.”
“I’m…”
“Don’t say you’re fine. We’ll talk about this later.”
I went off to help Penelope with whatever she needed,
She had everything under control and mostly we just talked.
“Okay, but Sammi my love, you need to give me the details!” She smiled at me.
“What details Pen?” Seriously, what did she want.
“About Hotch? He’s so private with everyone except you. Like who is he? Is he a good kisser? A girl needs to know these things.”
I laughed. She wants to know everything I can tell her about Hotch?
“Oh no, I am not crossing that line.”
“Oooooh which lines and how many have you guys crossed.”
“He’s just my best friend.”
“hey!”
“Okay, my best guy friend. I need my girls nights with you and JJ”
“So no after work make out sessions?”
“He has Haley.”
“If all men were loyal, crimes of passion wouldn’t exist sweetheart.”
“He’s loyal to her.” As far as I knew.
But, before I could have too much fun, something dark started creeping into my mind again.
She is just babysitting you. You were too much of a burden to be in the field, and you’re a burden on her. Why are you still even here? Why do you even bother waking up. Change that detail, and their lives would be better. You weren’t even good enough for the creep in his moms basement, or he wouldn’t have let you go back to them.
Garcia noticed me zoning out, but by then, the team was back and Reid was talking to Nathan again.
“Okay, that’s it. We’re going out tonight.”
“Oh no, I’m not in the mood.”
“I will drag you. You are coming.”
She pulled me to my feet and dragged me out of her office.
“Reid, come on. We’re going out.”
“I really wouldn’t be much company tonight.”
“You’re coming.” She insisted.
“Listen to her Reid, she’s dragging me along.”
He smiled at me, but gave in and got up.
As we got to Pennys car, Reids cell phone rang. Everything just happened so fast. I was starting to psych myself up for heading out with them, but it wasn’t okay.
“Drive, and hurry.” Reid said as we all climbed into Penelope’s car.
“What happened?”
“It’s Nathan…” Reid said.
Oh no….
We got to the motel room, and everything was just wrong. Nathan was across the bed, both wrists slashed.
I wasn’t in the motel anymore. I was 13 again. I was laying across my bedroom floor, begging for a reason. Any reason at all, to just stay. I couldn’t think of one. My own parents abandoned me because I was such a freak. I was too smart for my own good, yet not smart enough. I was graduating high school, and getting ready to start college at my age? The world was just beginning to open up, yet everything felt so small. Everyday everyone told me I was better off dead. Teachers ignored me. No foster parents cared enough to keep me around for more than a year. But that was all about to change. I wouldn’t be around long enough to care anymore.
I felt myself put pressure on Nathans left arm, at the same time Reid got to his right.
“Spencer…” I whispered, there was too much blood. Theres a chance that this kid was going to get what he wants. His answer to the pain.
Everything faded into the background, as a paramedic guided me and Reid off the kid.
I looked down, and my top was covered in blood, whether its my own or not, I don’t know.
Outside, the team was waiting by the ambulance for us.
Gideon guided Reid back towards his car, and Morgan took Penelope. But of course, I was alone. I started making the walk back to get to my apartment. I wasn’t even too far back to the main road when Hotch pulled up.
He got out of his car and hugged me to him.
“What happened? When Garcia said attempted suicide I thought…”
“I told you Aaron, I’d do whatever it takes to survive.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“I’m fine with walking, if you had an extra shirt or something though, that’d be much appreciated.”
“Sam, get in the car. I’m not playing this game tonight.”
So, I gave in. I became the charity case yet again. The little girl who always needs her friends to protect her, even when she doesn’t deserve it.
Hotch took the 20 minute drive back to my house. Instead of just dropping me off, and letting me head in to be with my thoughts, he followed me inside.
“I’m fine.”
“We discussed this earlier, I never have and never will believe those words.”
“You should be with your wife and son.”
“I’m staying here tonight. I’m not leaving you alone right now, until I know you’re okay.”
I sighed, putting my gun and badge in a drawer in my hallway and locking it.
“I’m not your charity case, Aaron. I don’t need your help.”
“Charity…. Sammi, is that really how you see yourself?”
“Ever since I was taken..” 3 days, 17 hours, 22 minutes. “You and everyone else have been acting like one wrong turn and I’m going to break.”
“I’m going to break one of our rules tonight Sam, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Aaron, we only have one rule for our friendship to work, and that’s that we can’t profile each other…”
He guided me to sit down on the couch and look at him. I hated that he was about to do this, and I hate that I need him in my life. I hate that I can’t let go to make his life easier.
“Ever since you’ve been back, you jump at every sound. You empathize better with our female victims, especially those who have been assaulted, which leaves me to believe that while we were trying to find you, you were assaulted, or at least threatened with it. The way you’re trying to get away from me right now makes me almost positive of that fact. The way you got lost in the blood from this past case leaves me to believe you have some kind of issue involving blood from the past, possible childhood or early adolescence. Once again, your body language right now gives me reason to think I’m correct. The way you’ve been….”
“S…st.. stop. Aaron. Please.” I moved closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. I took a breath, trying to steady myself. “If I tell you what happened when I was taken, you will never stop seeing me as this victim. I will never stop feeling like a burden on the team. I will never be able to get back what I lost. You want the truth, Agent Hotchner, the truth is that I’m barely hanging on. However, I’m fighting like hell to keep my head above water. All I have to do that with is my job, and making sure I stop the next creep before they do what they did to me, to someone else. If I tell you what happened, or anything that I have going through my head, you won’t even like me anymore. You’ll transfer me off to some other department and I won’t have only lost my job, or my friends, but I’d have lost my family. I’d have lost the only person that I love.”
I didn’t realize it, but I had gotten so close to him. Our faces mere inches apart. I don’t know what’s happening. Why am I doing this. He’s married. He’s my best friend. But here I am, once again, messing things up. That was when I felt it. I saw his dark eyes staring into my blue ones. My heart literally skipped a beat, and in that second, Aaron had placed his hands under my chin and pulled me up to him. He kissed me softly, slowly. I moved just a little bit, wrapping my arms around his neck. Why was I doing this. Haley. Jack. I needed to stop. But, this felt right. As I pulled him to me, he leaned forward just a little bit more, causing us to fall backwards on my couch. I gasped, and I just stopped. I moved my hand to his chest, pushing back a little.
“We can’t..”
“I’m… I’m sorry. I…” He stuttered.
“I.. I can’t Aaron.”
“You said I didn’t like you.. you don’t even know how much…”
“Stop.” I felt my eyes burning. I liked Haley, she was kind enough to ask me to be Jacks godmother.
I moved Aaron off of me and got up.
“I need to shower, you… you can st..stay but I’m going to sh..shower and head to bed.”
As I stormed off down the hall, I looked back to see Aaron sitting there with his head in his hands. I know he must be upset, he just kissed me when he’s married to Haley. I won’t be the reason his marriage ends. I just won’t.
#aaron hotch#hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#Aaron hotch x oc#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds imagine
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Unpopular Opinions: Fandom Edition
Hey none of you asked but I’m here to deliver so here are some unpopular opinions for the fandoms I’m in. Spoilers, duh.
Marvel:
I don’t like Natasha. Or Steve.
Pepper Potts is a top.
As much as I love Loki, his death was nessicary in Infinity War.
Steve should have killed Bucky in Civil War. He was a threat, plain and simple.
I ship Ironstrange/Supremefamily.
Clint should have died in Infinity War.
I love Tony Stark with my whole heart. (Not an unpopular opinion but you needed to know that)
I’m not happy with the end of Endgame.
10 years in the making....for you to do Thor like that?
Not because he’s fat or because he’s dealing with trauma, that’s totally acceptable.
What’s not acceptable is them making Thor into the butt of the joke because he’s fat.
I love the Antman movies.
I’m totally not biased because I loved lost.
(I’m kinda biased)
Shuri is the best Marvel character and would beat Tony Stark in a battle of wits.
(I’m so gay I love her.)
With as many years as Marvel has had the MCU, I am disgusted at the lack of diversity within the movies.
Like it’s 2019 and we JUST got a female empowerment scene in Endgame.
Like I want a gay superhero.
(We have a disabled one thank god. Love you Stephen.)
And don’t give me that Valkyrie/Captain Marvel BS because they never blatantly stated or showed it in their movies.
I want an Asian superhero bitch.
A superhero who is Muslim/Islam/and religion besides Christian.
I think that, as much as I hate Natasha and Steve, they should have been the ones that Bruce first sees in Infinity War. I know it set up the whole “earth is closed today” sequence but it didn’t make sense and was OOC.
I love Stephen Strange and he’s never done a single thing wrong ever in his life I would die for this man.
I like MCU Peter Parker over the origional movie Spider-Man.
Fight me.
I also like the Tony Stark/Peter Parker better than the Uncle Ben/Peter Parker so @ me.
The 100
I don’t ship Bellarke that hard.
Like yes, I think they’re obviously being groomed to end up together. I know the show runners will make them official before the end of the series. I’m not mad about that, I just don’t really care to be honest. It’s like, too obvious.
But there are some cute bellarke scenes
What they did to Monty was bullshit but what they did to Jasper was worse.
I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying that I think that killing all of Mount Weather was what they should have done from the beginning.
Yes, even the kids. Because if you kill their leaders, the men and women will fight back. The colony would have been left with a handful of adults, and a bunch of kids if the origional plan had worked. This is doomed to fail and honestly just killing them all would be better than seeing them kill eachother for food, power, whatever. If that makes sense.
I think that Finn deserved to die.
I think that Murphey deserves the world.
Charlotte fucking killed Wells. Yes she’s young but she knows better than to kill someone. Maybe not kill her, but we all know that Clarke wouldn’t have banished her like she did Murphey. Clarke has a gender bias because Murphey didn’t do anything and she wouldn’t have punished Charlotte as hard because she’s a young girl. I rest my case
Even though what he did was bad and wrong, I don’t think Murphey should have been banished. He’s right. They were all compliant and even excited when he was being hung, but when it’s a little girl all bets are off.
Like Bellamy brought the whole hostage thing upon himself because he fucking tied a noose around Murphey’s throat.
Again, not that what Murphey did was right. He didn’t have to act like that. Jasper didn’t do anything to him.
Also this segment is getting long but the show writers and everyone else just casually forgot that Murphey was TORTURED? Hello? Are we not going to acknowledge that?
I shipped Clexa with my whole heart.
Another actually popular opinion: what they’ve done to Raven’s character this season is bullshit. Her only role is Abby’s moral compass. This is the same girl who shuttled to earth in a Tin Can. She’s better than this.
What the fuck??? Happened to??? Jordan???
Like Madi stabbed him
And then they proceeded to not talk about it for like four episodes and then casually mention it in passing like “oh he saved Pria that means he gets to live”
Like they set up his character to be really important this season.
But he’s not.
I think that Murphey/Emori is the best ship.
I also think that Either Murphey or Emori or Both are secretly double crossing the Primes. (This comes out before the finale of season six)
They didn’t have to do Onyia like that
The opening of season three is so weak that I actually stopped watching the show around that time (I’d been watching since the beginning of season two) because there’s just nothing there in the first like 10 minutes and I couldn’t do it.
Maybe I’m just impatient but it’s bad.
I think that Octavia did the best that she could with what she had available and I think that’s she’s not a bad person for what she did with the fighting pits/cannabalism. And I know that if Bellamy had been in her place, he would have eventually done the same.
Kane was a whiny bitch in season 5.
Why’d the kill Diyoza(I can’t spell) like that?
I liked Joesephine. It was really fun to see Eliza Taylor be able to get a new character in the show. Also props to her for that last episode with pretending to be Joesephine and being Clarke at the same time.
I called the dude being Gabriel from the first time I saw him you peasants.
Octavia’s redemption arc this season is beautiful.
They did....that.....to Kane. I’m angerey.
Lost In space
Not enough people watch this show. (The Netflix remake or the origional)
Seriously guys it’s a good show.
Absolutely nothing is wrong with it.
I love Don West with my whole heart.
I love Dr. Smith with my half heart.
I love the robot with my two hearts.
I love Penny Robinson with all the stars in the galaxy.
I love all of them okay.
There are no plot holes, no inconsistencies, no faulty science and anyone who says (or proves) otherwise is wrong.
It’s confirmed for a season two which should air in like the December-February time area.
It’s a Netflix show so you can binge the entire season in like a weekend.
Seriously watch it.
The Umbrella Academy
Five x Delores is weird.
Luther x Allison is illegal.
Klaus deserves all the push pops in the world.
The handler is hot.
The Comission killed Dave.
Luther is the most boring, Unorigional, straight white guy character I’ve seen in a long time. I hate him so much.
Allison is a queen but her character is brought down by her weird relationship with her brother.
Tbh if I was Allison you know I’d be telling my kids that I heard a rumor that theyd go the fuck to sleep. Like that’s a good thing. Idk maybe I’m just a sociopath.
Istanbul not Constantinople being played over a scene where five murders a squad of Commission people is the greatest cinematic masterpiece ever conceived by man.
“Where are you going” “to save the world” “oh is that all?” Iconic.
None of these are really unpopular but the show writers seem to think differently.
Diego has never done anything wrong in his life like yaaaasss bitch kill your brother at yo daddy’s funeral!!! Work!!!
PaTcH
AAaAHh
Big Theif - Mary is the perfect song to play over Klaus returning from Vietnam.
Will you love me, like you loved me in the January rain?
It’s up there with Goodbye July.
Speaking of Goodbye July....
Z Nation
Many people haven’t watched it
It’s like if The Walking Dead and Zombieland had a baby....and then the baby did a line of cocaine.
It’s wild.
Watching Garnet die ruined every sliver of hope I had in humanity.
I have a special place in my heart for this show because it’s the first show that me and my mom would stay up and watch the new episodes air every Friday. It brought us closer and I can’t thank the cast and show runners enough for this.
So maybe I’m biased, but you should watch it.
Having Murphey switch from being an anti-hero to a villain back to an anti-hero and then to a regular hero, amazing. Astonishing. The peak of human existence.
Even though he’s not entirely human.
What color is Murphey today? Is he pale, discolored, grey, blue, red? We don’t know!
Roberta Warren is the Black Goddess main protagonist that we deserve.
Addison Carver is a functional Bi.
10k is tragic backstory central but other than that, his character development is pretty lacking other than him persuing love interests.
None of these are really unpopular opinions but I doubt any of you have watched the show. It’s on Netflix. Watch it.
Oooooohhhhh George.
Georgia St. Clair could stomp me to death and my ghost would still want to fuck her.
Anyways I’m gay
God damn I have a lot of pent up Gay energy.
Murphey and Lucy have a realistic enstranged father/daughter relationship and it’s heartwarming.
And then they killed her off to save him.
Honestly if you name a character Murphey they can only be assholish bad boys with a good heart deep down sorry I don’t make the rules.
Also if you name a character Murphey I will love them with my whole soul.
I’m so mad they cancelled the show.
I’m infinitely more mad that they named that disgrace of a show Black Summer and claimed that it was a prequel....but it didn’t follow the same cast and had they not advertised it as a prequel I would never have guessed.
Black Summer gives totally opposite vibes than Z Nation does. I get that black summer is supposed to be the worst time that the zombie apocalypse ever had, with cannibals and no food, but it feels like s completely different show.
It’s like if The Walking Dead claimed that it is a prequel/occurs during Shaun of the Dead.
Like....no. They’re....no.
Anyway watch it it’s good.
Detroit: Become Human
Connor isn’t the best character.
This is an unpopular opinion post deal with it.
Markus has to be my favorite.
Honestly this game is so good and not even just graphics-wise.
It’s the same robotic sentience story we’ve been fed for years, but this time it’s from the Android’s perspective and this time all they want is to be free. That’s it.
I fucking hate North.
Hank is literally if Rick from Rick and Morty were serious.
The only correct way to play Connor is to walk the thin line between deviant and regular A.I. Without leaving out Hank. The correct thing to do is make Conner deviant at Jericho.
The only correct way to play Kara is to protect Alice with every fiber of your being. Meanwhile, get close to her. Do not get caught, even if that means dissappointing her.
The only correct way to play Markus is to lead a peaceful revolution. Also tell North to fuck off.
The border patrol guy who either gets Kara and Alice caught or knowingly lets Androids cross the border is the best character. Forget about Markus, this guy sees either “oh fuck androids are killing people, maybe we shouldn’t let this one cross the border” or “Androids just want to be free and are peacefully fighting for this. Let this one and her daughter through.” I love him.
LUTHER.
YES DADDY.
anyway.
Let Out The Bear He Just Wants To Say Hi :)
Even though I think Conner is overrated by the fandom, I do like him.
But he’s not a pure innocent cinnamon roll either.
It depends on how you play, but he has really violent options so stop the “He wouldn’t harm a fly” attitude.
But he is cute.
The home screen for the game is revolutionary (no pun intended) and I hope future game follow suit in making the first impression of the game something cool.
Stealing clothes/money/the fence cutters is literally okay.
Also if you put Kara in white hair you can die.
If in your first actual play through you got the Kara lives at the recycling plant ending but Alice dies, you can die too.
I’ve never actually seen the steal money and go to motel option play out because it’s stupid, especially if you don’t steal clothes. Like that’s begging to be caught.
Stranger things
Billy Hargrove is bad and just because he’s abused does not make what he does okay.
Harringrove is gross and I’m gay so my opinion counts as double.
That being said, there are some really cute fics about Harringrove and I can see the appeal of “good boy falls for mysterious bad boy with a dark past and trauma”
I’ve said I’m gay this whole post because I say it a lot, but I don’t like actually labeling myself but I like girls and boys and everything in between and I say I’m gay kinda as a joke when girls are hot.
That being said...
Steve Harrington calling himself Daddy made me feel things.
Strange things.
Haha get it I’m making a joke to distract you from the daddy part.
Steve Harrington is a good person now, but he was still an asshole before and he can still be criticized for his past.
I used to be hardcore Jancy but after season three I feel like Nancy needs and deserves a break from boys so she can figure out herself and who she is now and what she wants to do without the weight of boys and boyfriends constantly around her.
That being said i still don’t like Nancy because she was flirting/slept in the same bed with Jonathan whilst obviously having feelings for him while she and Steve were still a thing. It’s not cheating but to me it’s close enough to raise red flags.
Robin is perfect in every way.
I don’t like Jonathan. He’s creepy in s1, fine in s2, but then is s3 he doesn’t do anything to or about his male bosses when Nancy is being made fun of because she’s a woman.
Seeing Nancy’s class priveledge/Jonathan’s male priveledge clashing was so cool tbh
Elmax > Mileven > Lumax
Jim Hopper, with all his faults, is still a caring dad.
Plus him threatening Mike made me laugh so hard sksksksks
Steve Harrington deserves the world and then some.
Low key I really want s4 to give in insight on his family life.
I also want him to get an apartment with Robin.
Robins cute tbh but for half the season I though she was a Russian spy. I guess I was wrong.
Mrs. Wheeler shouldn’t sleep with billy (not that she can now) because it’s wrong, but the reason she wanted to is because her husband is so boring and she gave up on her dreams to be his perfect housewife. She wanted a challenge with Billy. Instead, she should leave her pushover of a husband and find someone better.
Anyway Steve Harrington deserves the world.
Yeah okay hate me whatever.
#Stranger Things#Stranger things 2#Stranger things 3#The 100#Clarke Griffin#Bellarke#Z Nation#Roberta Warren#detroit become human#The Umbrella Academy#TUA#Hargreeves#Lost in Space#Robinsons#Will Robinson#Danger Will Robinson#Marvel#Tony Stark#MCU#Thor Odinson#Loki#Unpopular opinions
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The canary in the coal mine
I hear people saying that Voltron became terrible in S7 and S8. If I may, I’d like to expose my own theory.
Kuron, and specifically the treatment he was subjected to, was the canary in the coal mine.
That is to say, the ending of the much beloved S6 foreshadowed what would come to pass. Let’s review, shall we?
We have this character who repeatedly showed that he truly loved his family, to the point that a mind-reading entity probed his mind twice and both time found him sincere. To the point that, while about to suffocate to death after spending seven days with no food and no water in the freezing silent dark void of space after setting his leg on fire, all he could focus on were the moments he (believed he) spent with them. This character:
-suffered from constant painful headaches because an evil witch was fucking with his head
-was starting to suspect that his memories had been tampered with and everything he knew about himself was a lie, thus lived in constant fear and confusion
-believed he suffered from a degenerative disease that would cripple him, and possibly kill him, within a few months
-felt guilty over accidentally getting a bunch of kids involved in a war, thus was desperate to bring them home safely. And, as stated above, by S5 he believed that he only had a few short months left to do it, so was starting to get bullheaded and reckless over his franticness to win the war quickly for their sake. He let his upset get the better of him one (1) time, when he yelled at Lance, but immediately looked away in shame, and by the end of the day apologized to Lance and praised his good work.
Over the course of a year, this character suffered in silence and did his best to save as many people as possible. His hard work resulted in the salvation of 1/3 of the universe. He cared, and he tried, so very hard.
Then this character gets possessed by the aforementioned evil witch, and mind-controlled against his will into trying to kill his family. As a result:
-Shiro, a man defined by his compassion, labels him “that thing.”
-The team takes Kuron out of the healing pod while he is injured but explicitly stated to be still alive. In addition, we are shown that he was still alive because he groaned when he was unconscious in the Black Lion.
-Keith refers to him as just a body. Again, this while Kuron is explicitly stated to be still alive.This is particularly hurtful because Keith had been desperate to save Kuron when Keith believed him to be Shiro, but as soon as Keith learned that he was a clone, Keith stopped caring.
-Lance, the kind-hearted emotional support of the team, cries that the real Shiro tried to warn them from the Astral Plane, but doesn’t even mention the time Kuron reached out to him for help in the hallway.
-Allura never even tries to use her powers to heal him, despite the fact that just a couple of episodes before she showed the ability to heal mortally-wounded people. Instead, she forces Shiro’s soul into Kuron’s body.
-When the guy who wakes up identifies himself as the real Shiro, nobody asks what happened to Kuron. Nobody grieves, nobody mourns, nobody cares. Kuron either died during the soul transfer or immediately before it after being taken out of the healing pod, and both the characters and the narrative treat it as a happy ending.
Can we agree that this is terrible? All the listed canon facts indicate that our heroes let their teammate die by withholding medical care so they could use his corpse as a vessel to save somebody else. The Paladins fought Lotor because they claimed that harvesting people is the worst possible crime, then turned around and did the exact same thing to one of their own. And it’s supposed to be okay because we are apparently not meant to think of a clone as a person, but rather as a “thing,” despite the fact that he was sentient and compassionate.
Post S6, interviews clearly showed that the EPs never expected anybody to care for Kuron. They gleefully recounted how they planned “to put the [real Shiro’s] proper essence into the Shiro husk,” and called Kuron an “it.” Why supposedly professional writers did not expect people to care for the character who had been leading the heroes for 4 Seasons, I have no idea. After a couple of interviews, and realizing that people were sad for the clone and disturbed by his fate, they introduced the Word Of God that Kuron and Shiro merged together. Whether the heroes intentionally merged the two men together to save them both or it was just an unintended side-effect of saving the real Shiro, and whether that involves an actual soul merge or just Shiro getting the clone’s memories, is left vague.
(By the way, if it’s the latter, it’s worthless. Kuron had Shiro’s memories, that didn’t make Shiro any less dead. For that matter, Alfor’s AI had Alfor’s memories. Hell, at one point the heroes extract Sendak’s memories, and presumably could put them into anybody. Memories are not substitutes for the soul, and keeping somebody’s memories doesn’t mean that the person did not die, so they should still be mourned).
Unfortunately this Word Of God is never, ever even hinted at in canon. No indication whatsoever. The team freaks out when "Shiro's consciousness is being rejected by the clone's body," but they never acknowledge the clone's consciousness at all. White-haired Shiro only ever talks about stuff the original Shiro did, and doesn't show any recognition when people talk about stuff the clone did, like the Voltron Show. The official books describe the process of reviving Shiro as simply putting his soul into the clone body, no mention of any merge anywhere. Finally and most damningly, canon directly contradicts the WOG when Shiro outright states that the clone died. Thus I can only assume that the EPs lied, as they have many times before.
(For the record, there is also no canon indication that Shiro is cured of the disease. It's never brought up even once in the show, they only say he is cured in interviews. As far as canon is concerned, Shiro “left the battle behind” because his disease finally caught up with him).
After S6, Kuron is brought up once in the entire rest of the series: in S7, when Shiro talks about “the dead body of an evil clone of myself.” Kuron’s family has written him off as evil, and his death as a joke, because they victim-blame him for the things he was forced to do against his will while under mind-control, and it’s supposed to be a happy ending.
So. When people ask “how could S7 and S8 be so cruel and heartless to Allura? How could they treat Lance so badly? How could they mess with Shiro’s character like that? How could they be so brutal to Lotor? What happened to the theme of found family?
Kuron was the canary in the coal mine. S6 took this well-meaning victimized character and had the family he loved throw him away like a piece of garbage, while acting like everything was fine and dandy. Having shown that much lack of empathy, it was just a matter of time before the series did the other characters dirty. It never stops at one.
EDIT: to clarify, I’m not blaming the characters for the horrific treatment of Kuron. I’m blaming the writing. I pointed out that Shiro is “a man defined by his compassion” and that Lance is “the kind-hearted emotional support of the team” to make it clear that it’s insanely OOC for them to act that way. The showrunners expect me to believe that Shiro would look at a fellow victim of Haggar and dehumanize&demonize him? They expect me to believe that Lance would shrug off his preventable death as if nothing happened? That Keith, Allura, Hunk and Pidge would be totally cool with writing him off as a villain? No. The writing did everybody dirty, and that includes the characters’ reactions to the ungodly mess.
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Makoto Niijima: Good Girl, Bad Writing.
In video games, movies, TV, and books, there are always characters who receive copious amounts of praise. In Persona 5, it is no different. Some characters deserve the hype they get, and some.. do not. In my humble opinion, Makoto Niijima falls into the latter category and in this essay I will explain why, as well as delve into what I as a writer would do to improve her character. Because this is not a hate meta, it is merely me articulating my issues with her character and getting my thoughts in order. (She has potential, it merely needs to be utilized and with P5R coming next year, a girl can hope.)
1. Underwhelming Design
The cast of Persona 5, in contrast to the casts before them, are vigilantes, a band of misfits if you will. The entire theme of the game is rebellion against society and fighting the norm, and the characters should reflect this in their design. The only exception is the protagonist himself because he's on probation and attempting to keep a low profile: that's why he follows the dress code to a tee and appears as gentle as possible, because he's already in enough trouble as is. The first party member, Ryuji, has been a rebel for a good amount of time: his hair is a stark blond (which Kawakami-sensei does not approve of) and he wears a very casual version of the school uniform; substituting a bright yellow shirt for the white of the uniform, wearing sneakers instead of dress shoes, and not wearing his suspenders (they're attached though, at the waist).
Ann Takamaki wears a white clover hoodie under her blazer, red leggings under her skirt, brown lace up boots, and earrings; not to mention her hair, while a natural blonde, is pulled back into cutesy pigtails almost like a teenage Harley Quinn. Yusuke doesn't even go to the same school, so his attire stands out in stark contrast with the main trio. Futaba dyes her hair red and she doesn't go to school at all due to severe anxiety; Haru wears a poofy pink sweater over her uniform with Mary Janes and polka dot tights. They all stick out like little sore thumbs. Except Makoto. She basically also follows the dress code, with a few subtle changes:
•She doesn't wear a blazer, instead wearing a black halter vest over her turtleneck
•Black tights
•Brown boots
That's literally it. Nothing about her stands out, and even in her casual clothing she wears a lot of whites and blacks. There's a monochromatic vibe to her, perhaps alluding to her strong sense of justice and distinction between right and wrong which in and of itself isn't bad! But it doesn't fit with the theme of the cast, Makoto fits in too much with the rest of the world to fit in with them. Just by looking at her, you cannot tell she's supposed to be part of the crew and in all honesty she'd fit better working with Akechi due to their very similar views of justice and morals. Hell, some NPCs are more vibrant design-wise than Makoto is.
2. Her Metaverse design, Persona and codename are contradictory.
Makoto's Persona, Johanna, is based most likely off Pope Joan, (after doing research online and reading Johanna's profile on SMT wiki it seemed the best fit) who was a woman that pretended to be a man in order to rise to power in an otherwise male-only role in the Catholic church. And while the story is intriguing, it doesn't fit Makoto at all: she never pretended to be what she was not and while she's "the voice of reason" she's not the leader of the team; Joker is. This makes her codename, "Queen", even more confusing. Nothing about her costume design looks regal whatsoever; it makes no sense. It feels like writer's favoritism, in all honesty. A better name would've been something more related to the fact that she looks like a biker/executionist hybrid; like "Crusher" or something of more..violent nature.
Even a name related to her wanting to go into the force would've worked well: Chief, Lieutenant, etc. Queen is nice, but it doesn't click with Makoto at all, unlike literally everyone else's Persona and codename. Ann's Persona, Carmen, is a femme fatale that kills men. Captain Kidd is a pirate, an iconic symbol of rebellion; Milady, Haru's Persona, is a reference to a villainess of the same name in the 3 Musketeers; Goemon was essentially a Japanese Robin Hood which fits Yusuke's entire kitsune/warrior aesthetic. Joker's Persona, Arsene, is a direct nod to Arsene Lupin; who was one of Sherlock's rivals and a gentleman thief who left calling cards to the people he robbed and a direct parallel to Akechi.
3. Her introduction as a whole, and to the team, is abysmal.
When Makoto is first introduced to the player, the entire school is in turmoil over Kamoshida's abusive actions towards the volleyball and track team. Many people don't know the truth about what's going on, and others simply turn a blind eye because as an Olympic medalist, the gym coach brings in a lot of popularity for the school. Being the student council president, Makoto has power that many other students do not have; so one would assume that upon learning that a victim was in danger she would spring into action, no?
Wrong.
When Ann confronts Makoto about her inaction, she turns the question back on the blonde, asking "What have YOU done for Shiho?" as if it's Ann's fault that Shiho had been jeopardized (which it was not, Ann allowed herself to be blackmailed by Kamoshida in order, so she thought, to protect her best and at the time, only friend). And she doesn't do anything about the situation, claiming that "It has nothing to do with me." (This is how abuse victims DIE.) Even worse, her elder sister is a prosecutor, she could've easily gone to Sae and asked her to look into the matter. Goro Akechi later calls her out on this, as he should; telling her that she is a "good-girl pushover". And when Kamoshida is punished for his crimes, Ann, who was bullied and outcast, goes to Makoto and apologizes to HER to make amends, as if she were wrong. Makoto then replies "We both made mistakes" in a sorry apology (she doesn't even say "I'm sorry" iirc), and asks if she can call Ann by her first name and without honorifics, which in Japan is a symbol of close friendship. (Edit: this apology actually takes place after Kaneshiro's arc, not Kamoshida's, I misremembered.)
You see, calling someone by their given name, even if you are the same age, has a ton of meaning in the culture. Just a year difference between two people can separate them as senpai and kouhai, and while the senpai can call their kouhai by their first name without raising any eyebrows it's not the same for the younger person. Calling someone by their given name in Japan is a privilege, not a right; it represents trust, respect, everything that Makoto and Ann did NOT have.
Now, let me get this straight.
Makoto did nothing when everybody called Ann Kamoshida's hoe, allowed her, Shiho, Akira, Ryuji and Mishima plus many others to suffer abuse (and Shiho attempted suicide!), gave a laughable apology, victim-blamed Ann; and now she wants to be buddy-buddy? What, in any reality, about that is okay? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But of course, because the writers want us to love Makoto, they have Ann forgive her and let her call her by her first name. And after all that, Makoto is still president, despite her clear nonchalance to the matter. She also does nothing to help the Kamoshida victims after his crimes come to light, when there was literally no excuse anymore not to assist them and help them get back on their feet. Even if she felt powerless with Kamoshida around, that doesn't explain her inaction after he's gone.
Flash forward two Palaces later, when she joins the team. Makoto stalks the protagonist around to gather evidence that he is a Phantom Thief, and then blackmails her way into the ranks. The team of course, is not happy about this at all. Makoto gives them the target; Junya Kaneshiro, who's basically forcing people into debt. The problem here is she has literally no personal ties to him; unlike the main trio all having connections to Kamoshida and Yusuke being Madarame's essential foster son. Tired of Sae calling her useless, Makoto jumps in front of the mob boss's car in desperation (and Ryuji gets her out of the way JUST in time, but he very easily could've died) which puts the entire team in danger and later on is literally pinned down by the mob and the crew have to go and save her because she was so determined to take this dude down she walked into the lion's den without any form of a plan. (He was also going to sell her into prostution to pay off the debt he'd given the Thieves.)
Her Awakening is also really weak: the speech from Johanna is extremely short and then Makoto stomps the ground to avoid falling over, rips off her mask with a bunch of overdramatic screaming (iirc we don't even get to see blood) and whoop-di-doo, she's got a motorcycle! And suddenly, despite all she's done, everybody loves her and thinks she's a total badass when she literally just threw an adult-sized tantrum. The motorcycle itself is also very lazy, it's just a motorcycle with a face. That's it. That's Makoto's Persona. A motorcycle. With. A. Face.
And from then on, everybody's suddenly a-ok and buddy-buddy with Makoto. It's ridiculous and just makes her come off as a Mary Sue because if somebody endangered my life I sure as hell would not be rubbing shoulders with them and I'm quite sure most people feel the same way. And again, after all this, Makoto does not get in trouble or even harshly reprimanded by the school for her extremely reckless actions; when she should have, and had the power to, just call the police or Sae. And all the Thieves somehow are now her friends and she gets to become a superhero.
So let me see if I understand. This girl stalks these people, blackmails them and forces them to go after hardened criminals (she was going to snitch on them if they didn't comply to her demands), goes in guns blazing by HERSELF to attempt to take down the mob boss, has to be rescued..
And gets praised and dubbed a badass for this???
And before you accuse me of having bias against Makoto, let it be known I in no way, shape or form condone Yusuke stalking Ann or Futaba blackmailing the Thieves either. It's. Still. Wrong.
Also, if you unironically think Makoto's stalking is cute, you're wrong. Stalking is creepy, regardless if it's a girl or guy doing it; no one gets a pass.
In addition, Makoto couldn't be bothered to help out at school but then goes after a MOB BOSS and puts herself in unnecessary danger? What's up with that?? If she felt powerless against Kamoshida, why in the world would she take on the Yakuza?
4. Her backstory doesn't mesh well with the rest of the team.
The gang are all outcasts and misfits in one way or another, and their pasts are less than savory.
Protagonist: Falsely accused of assaulting a woman, expelled from school and sent to Tokyo on a year probation despite his innocence, victim of nasty rumors by other students at his new school; abused by his gym coach, no contact with parents.
Ryuji: Abusive, alcoholic father who beat him and llater left him and his mother, abused by his gym coach, leg broken by his gym coach and labeled as a delinquent because his coach lied and acted like Ryuji attacked him, thus alienating him from the track team and by extent; the entire school. Losing his track scholarship because he can't run anymore, ruining his academic career.
Ann: Two parent household but they're never home, leaving her with a caretaker. Faced bullying and isolation due to being biracial (she's a quarter American), only having one friend before joining the Phantom Thieves. Blackmailed by the gym coach and sexually harassed in order to keep this one friend on the volleyball team, labeled as a slut because no one took the time to find out the truth of the matter. Friend is later raped and attempts suicide, Ann attempts to get help from the student council president but is blamed herself for Shiho's predicament. Also judged just for her looks, which she despises.
Yusuke: Biological father died presumably before his birth, biological mother had a seizure and died due to his mentor's negligence. Said mentor then takes Yusuke, a very small child at this point in time, and raises him in isolation. Psychologically (and very likely emotionally) manipulated, Kitagawa grows up in an abusive household and when confronted with the truth, is unwilling to believe it is so (as many abusive victims realistically behave). Later learns the truth about his mother and his mentor's plagiarism and detaches himself from him, but is extremely socially awkward out of touch due to isolation and as a result is isolated at school because no one wants to talk to him.
Futaba: Was blamed for her mother's death (whom she lost at 13-14) and lived with an extremely abusive uncle who underfed her and didn't even let her bathe herself. Developed severe anxiety and became suicidally depressed for over a year, refusing to even come out of her room. Had a friend who was abused by her parents and upon finding out the two fell out and only reconciled years later through the Internet. Bullied in school for her intellect.
Haru: Lost her mother at a young age, engaged against her will to an emotionally abusive, selfish fiancé for the sake of her father's company. Has deep-rooted trust issues due to people being kind to her solely because of her status; or mean for the exact same reasons. Later on lost her father as well at the age of 17, leaving all the responsibility of the company to her as she was the sole heir.
Morgana: Has no memories of who, or what, he used to be and suffers existential crises; suffers from vivid nightmares. Puts up a façade of arrogance to hide insecurities.
Makoto: Mother died when younger, father died in the line of work, older sister forced to become caretaker and work her rear off to provide for the both of them. Pressured into perfection by Sae.
That's.. literally it. Yes, she has no friends at school, but that's by her choice; she isolates herself in her studies and as a result is socially awkward and doesn't know how to interact with people (which makes her even less suitable to be put into any type of leadership position so how she became student council president is beyond me.) Makoto's life is heaven compared to the other Thieves and most of her issues would go away once she gets to college: the rest of the team doesn't have that luxury. By the way, please don't think I'm saying she doesn't deserve to be on the team because she doesn't have as deep a sob story, I'm not saying that at all. It's just that her backstory isn't really utilized as well as it should be and often times conflict is used to try to get the player to feel sorry for her (i.e. Sae calling her useless)
5. Her Confidant is abysmal and cliché.
So Makoto's Confidant actually starts out not half bad! You take her out to play video games and help her come out of her shell initially. But then it shifts to Eiko, an old friend of hers, who is a bad relationship. And this is when the Confidant begins to suffer, because it's not even about Makoto anymore. The president tells Eiko about the danger she's in, and her old classmate does not listen; declaring that since the older girl does not have a boyfriend she couldn't possibly understand. This logic is very flawed; it's like telling a smoker to stop smoking and they tell you "You don't even smoke, you don't know how bad it is". Yet Makoto listens to Eiko and comes to you, the protagonist; and asks you to pretend to be her boyfriend in order to convince her friend that she DOES understand. But it's so awkward Eiko's boyfriend and the girl herself can tell you're not genuine. And you have to keep this up for the rest of the Confidant, not to mention MAX Charm is required from Rank 5 onward in this route. Why?
Because apparently you're not attractive enough otherwise. And it's not even for Makoto, it's for Eiko, to convince her that you're hot enough to compare to her boyfriend; Takase. (Geez, shallow and childish much?) And then at the end of the Confidant, the romance angle comes off as very odd because you're literally treated like an afterthought the entire time and then suddenly Makoto turns around and wants you as her actual boyfriend?? Uh..where was her falling for you during the time spent together? It just feels like it comes outta nowhere, not to mention she wants to be a cop which the law literally ruined Joker's life soooo why is he getting into a romantic relationship with someone who wants to be associated with a source of his trauma? That's like a metaphorical slap in his face.
"Hey, I know you were literally beaten and drugged up, manhandled, falsely accused and put into solitary confinement by the law enforcement, causing you to suffer severe anxiety and you to possibly be scarred forever but I wanna be a cop even though I don't think straight in stressful situations and act on impulse and don't take insults or criticism well; and I want you to stay by my side even though I blackmailed you, stalked you, and endangered your life and did nothing while you were being abused by your gym coach."
(Let's not forget she also didn't say anything about Sae having a Palace until it was almost too late and Joker almost lost Futaba as a result.)
For Valentine's Day she declares "I've been waiting for you for so long" and that genuinely bewildered me because you don't really see her pining at all during her Confidant, nor during other events (the closest thing you get is her clinging to you in Sojiro's house but that's honestly not even romantic that's just her getting frightened and needing assurance in a very unnecessary "ship tease" moment). Same with the scene in Futaba's Palace, while Joker saving Queen was very sweet, he literally would've done that for anybody of his teammates. Makoto is not special in that regard.
6. How to better this character
•Introduce her to the Thieves in a better, more plot driven way, or remove her from the team completely.
Kaneshiro's arc should honestly just be scrapped, it was a sorry attempt to get Makoto on the team. A better time for her to join would be Sae's Palace since she actually has emotional ties to the Palace owner and by this time in the game could've developed to be a better person from the Kamoshida arc, wanting to make things right. This could also be a good start for her and Ann to begin to be on better terms- not even necessarily friends (because after what happened I honestly don't think Ann would want to be friends, at least not close), but learning to at least be civil. That, or she joins out of desperation because she doesn't want anything bad to happen to Sae and as the infiltration continues gets more and more nervous and ultimately rats their plan out (because Makoto as the traitor would be much better, writing-wise).
Alternatively, Hifumi joining instead of Makoto would also be very refreshing with Makoto covering up for them at school and supporting them on the sly.
•Treat her flaws as actual flaws, she's not perfect.
Makoto does have some bad traits, a few being:
•bad tempered
•reckless
•stubborn
•nosy
•hypocritical
•bossy
•socially awkward
But these are almost never treated in a negative light. With the Kamoshida arc and Kaneshiro arc, all is simply forgiven, same with her smacking Eiko across the face in a moment of anger. Even when wrong, Makoto is never wrong per say and this makes it difficult for her to be believable as a character. To fix this, having her suffer the consequences of her actions will make it more realistic. For example, getting Eiko to break up with her boyfriend but cutting ties with her too as a result would give Makoto the rude awakening that you can do the right thing the wrong way and people will not always forgive you for the mess you put them through (nor should they).
Her being punished for unnecessarily putting herself in danger with Kaneshiro would also be understandable (she should've been at least suspended, she could've gotten herself killed, plus all the then existing Phantom Thieves); as well as actually apologizing for the hell that was Kamoshida's drama. And not just to Ann, but everyone who suffered. That would show maturity and a willingness to change, and put her in a better light.
I want Makoto to get mad and she's fully in the wrong and she acknowledges she's wrong, have her recklessness get her or a teammate wounded in battle, etc. And have the others call her out when she's wrong and refuse to let it slide. Have them talk it out, grow as a team. Just..make Makoto fallible, flawed, broken even. She's an orphan, I want to touch more on her having to grow up quickly, feeling lonely and unsure of how to connect with people; talk about how her father is a driving force in her values and morals and how she wishes to honor him by following in his footsteps.
Delve into how she feels less than worthy if she does not achieve excellence but do it in a way that does not demonize Sae unnecessarily and try to make the reader/player feel sorry for her. Have Makoto spend more time with people in her team outside of team duties and while being awkward, genuinely interested and actively working to better her relationships. (She barely interacts with anyone besides Joker, Futaba, and on occasion, Haru) When Makoto is realistically flawed, she then becomes relatable and much more likable.
I want her fears to be plot relevant, not just slapped on for the sake of making her look "cute". Her being scared of the dark was never relevant, unlike Rei from Persona Q who was scared of the dark and had to go through a pitch black room in order to find key cards to help her friends escape a locked room or Yukari being terrified of death and having to come to terms with that. Same with her fixation for Buchimaru, it's cute but it doesn't add any depth to her character whatsoever or even her apparently knowing aikido? We never see Makoto fight outside the Metaverse unlike Chie or Akihiko so it feels like a character trait just slapped on to make her 'cooler'. It feels lazy, because it is. It's like the writers wanted her to be this strong, independent young woman but at the same time a scared, awkward little girl and the two ideas often clash; coming off as contradictory as if they couldn't make their minds up as to who they wanted Makoto to be.
Again, this is not an attack on Makoto fans. If you like her, that's valid and I respect that. I'm merely explaining why I don't and how I feel the writing failed her character and what I believe she'd be if her potential was maximized.
That's all, have a good day.
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@superohclair oh god okay please know these are all just incoherent ramblings so like, idk, please feel free to add on or ignore me if im just wildly off base but this is a bad summary of what ive been thinking about and also my first titans/batman meta?? (also, hi!)
okay so for the disclaimer round: I am not an actual cultural studies major, nor do I have an extensive background in looking at the police/military industrial complex in media. also my comics knowledge is pretty shaky and im a big noob(I recently got into titans, and before that was pretty ignorant of the dceu besides batman) so I’ll kind of focus in on the show and stuff im more familiar with and apologize in advance?. basically im just a semi-educated idiot with Opinions, anyone with more knowledge/expertise please jump in! this is literally just the bullshit I spat out incoherently off the top of my head. did i mention im a comics noob? because im a comics noob.
so on a general level, I think we can all agree that batman as a cultural force is somewhat on the conservative side, if not simply due to its age and commercial positioning in American culture. there are a lot of challenges and nuances to that and it’s definitely expanding and changing as DC tries to position itself in the way that will...make the most money, but all you have to do is take a gander through the different iterations of the stories in the comics and it’ll smack you in the fucking face. like compare the first iteration of Jason keeping kids out of drugs to the titans version and you’ve got to at least chuckle. at the end of the day, this is a story about a (white male) billionaire who fights crime.
to be fair, I’d argue the romanticization of the police isn’t as aggressive as it could be—they are most often presented as corrupt and incompetent. However, considering the main cop characters depicted like Jim Gordon, the guys in Gotham (it’s been a while since I saw it, sorry) are often the romanticized “good few” (and often or almost always white cis/het men), that’s on pretty shaky ground. I don’t have the background in the comics strong enough to make specific arguments, so I’ll cede the point to someone who does and disagrees, but having recently watched a show that deals excellently with police incompetence, racism, and brutality (7 Seconds on Netflix), I feel at the very least something is deeply missing. like, analysis of race wrt police brutality in any aspect at all whatsoever.
I think it can be compellingly read that batman does heavily play into the military/police industrial complex due to its takes on violence—just play the Arkham games for more than an hour and you’ll know what I mean. to be a little less vague, even though batman as a franchise valorizes “psychiatric treatment” and “nonviolence,” the entire game seems pretty aware it characterizes treatment as a madhouse and nonviolence as breaking someone’s back or neck magically without killing them because you’re a “good guy.” while it is definitely subversive that the franchise even considers these elements at all, they don’t always do a fantastic job living up to them.
and then when you consider the fetishization of tools of violence both in canon and in the fandom, it gets worse. same with prisons—if anything it dehumanizes people in prisons even more than like, cop shows in general, which is pretty impressive(ly bad). like there’s just no nuance afforded and arkham is generally glamorized. the fact that one of the inmates is a crocodile assassin, I will admit, does not help. im not really sure how to mitigate that when, again, one of the inmates is a crocodile assassin, but I think my point still stands. fuck you, killer croc. (im just kidding unfuck him or whatever)
not to take this on a Jason Todd tangent but I was thinking about it this afternoon and again when thinking about that cop scene again and in many ways he does serve as a challenge to both batman’s ideology as well as the ideology of the franchise in general. his depiction is always a bit of a sticking point and it’s always fascinating to me to see how any given adaptation handles it. like Jason’s “”street”” origin has become inseparable from his characterization as an angry, brash, violent kid, and that in itself reflects a whole host of cultural stereotypes that I might argue occasionally/often dip into racialized tropes (like just imagine if he wasn’t white, ok). red hood (a play on robin hood and the outlaws, as I just realized...today) is in my exposure/experience mostly depicted as a villain, but he challenges batman’s no-kill philosophy both on an ethical and practical level. every time the joker escapes he kills a whole score more of innocent people, let alone the other rogues—is it truly ethical to let him live or avoid killing him for the cost of one life and let others die?
moreover, batman’s ““blind”” faith in the justice system (prisons, publicly-funded asylum prisons, courts) is conveniently elided—the story usually ends when he drops bad guy of the day off at arkham or ties up the bad guys and lets the police come etc etc. part of this is obviously bc car chases are more cinematic than dry court procedurals, but there is an alternate universe where bruce wayne never becomes batman and instead advocates for the arkham warden to be replaced with someone competent and the system overhauled, or in programs encouraging a more diverse and educated police force, or even into social welfare programs. (I am vaguely aware this is sometimes/often part of canon, but I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s the main focus. and again, I get it’s not nearly as cinematic).
overall, I think the most frustrating thing about the batman franchise or at least what I’ve seen or read of it is that while it does attempt to deal with corruption and injustice at all levels of the criminal justice system/government, it does so either by treating it as “just how life is” or having Dick or Jim Gordon or whoever the fuckjust wipe it out by “eliminating the dirty cops,” completely ignoring the non-fantasy ways these problems are dealt with in real life. it just isn’t realistic. instead of putting restrictions on police violence or educating cops on how to use their weapons or putting work into eradicating the culture of racism and prejudice or god basically anything it’s just all cinematized into the “good few” triumphing over the bad...somehow. its always unsatisfying and ultimately feels like lip service to me, personally.
this also dovetails with the very frustrating way mental health/”insanity” or “madness” is dealt with in canon, very typical of mainstream fiction. like for example:“madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little push.” yikes, if by ‘push’ you mean significant life stressors, genetic load, and environemntal influences, then sure. challenge any dudebro joker fanboy to explain exactly what combination of DSM disorders the joker has to explain his “””insanity””” and see what happens. (these are, in fact, my plans for this Friday evening. im a hit at parties).
anyway I do really want to wax poetic about that cop scene in 1x06 so im gonna do just that! honestly when I first saw that I immediately sat up like I’d sat on a fucking tack, my cultural studies senses were tingling. the whole “fuck batman” ethos of the show had already been interesting to me, esp in s1, when bruce was basically standing in for the baby boomers and dick being our millennial/GenX hero. I do think dick was explicitly intended to appeal to a millennial audience and embody the millennial ethos. By that logic, the tension between dick and Jason immediately struck me as allegorical (Jason constantly commenting on dick being old, outdated, using slang dick doesn’t understand and generally being full of youthful obnoxious fistbumping energy).
Even if subconsciously on the part of the writers, jason’s over-aggressive energy can be read as a commentary on genZ—seen by mainstream millennial/GenX audiences as taking things too far. Like, the cops in 1x06 could have been Nick Zucco’s hired men or idk pretty much anyone, yet they explicitly chose cops and even had Jason explain why he deliberately went after them for being cops so dick (cop) could judge him for it. his rationale? he was beaten up by cops on the street, so he’s returning the favor. he doesn’t have the focused “righteous” rage of batman or dick/nightwing towards valid targets, he just has rage at the world and specifically the system—framed here as unacceptable or fanatical. as if like, dressing up like a bat and punching people at night is, um, totally normal and uncontroversial.
on a slightly wider scope, the show seems to internally struggle with its own progressive ethos—on the one hand, they hire the wildly talented chellah man, but on the other hand they will likely kill him off soon. or they cast anna diop, drawing wrath from the loudly racist underbelly of fandom, but sideline her. perhaps it’s a genuine struggle, perhaps they simply don’t want to alienate the bigots in the fanbase, but the issue of cops stuck out to me when I was watching as an social issue where they explicitly came down on one side over the other. jason’s characterization is, I admit and appreciate, still nuanced, but I’d argue that’s literally just bc he’s a white guy and a fan favorite. cast an actor of color as Jason and see how fast fandom and the writer’s room turns on him.
anyway i don’t really have the place to speak about what an explicitly nonwhite!cop!dick grayson would look like, but I do think it would be a fascinating and exciting place to start in exploring and correcting the kind of vague and nebulous complaints i raise above. (edit: i should have made more clear, i mean in the show, which hasn’t dealt with dick’s heritage afaik). also, there’s something to be said about the cop vs detective thing but I don’t really have the brain juice or expertise to say it? anyway if you got this far i hope it was at least interesting and again pls jump in id love to hear other people’s takes!!
tldr i took two (2) cultural studies classes and have Opinions
#wow this was a hot fucking mess#i tried to be organized but my thoughts weren't coming out super well#again anyone interested please feel free to jump in or correct me at any place you feel like#i die on the ''jason todd would be treated horribly by fandom if he were a character of color' hill tho#i could go on about 1x06 until im blue in the face but that's the uhh overview. the executive summary.#dc titans#i need meta tags and shit for this show#god help me in too deep#finding the meta side of fandom was a GIFT tho i love this shit#so excited
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Dark Phoenix
We owe a lot to the X-Men. Lest we forget the halcyon days of Y2K, superhero movies weren’t always a guaranteed blockbuster hit or taking up real estate at the multiplex for 80% of weeks in a given year. But some terrible CGI, brooding Canadian sideburns, and a terrible line about a toad and its relationship to lightning later and Marvel comics properties are suddenly in the conversation as a sure bet at the box office. And now it’s 2019 and the X-Men have had some...let’s say ups and downs. With Dark Phoenix, we’re allegedly saying goodbye to this crop of actors playing these superheroes. So was this a bittersweet farewell or a “don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya” type situation? Well...
Somewhere in the middle, like when you see your uncle who used to give you piggyback rides and pull quarters from behind your ear when you were a kid but now you only see him at Thanksgiving and you only ever talk to him about 1) the weather 2) whether you’re still at the same job (you are) or 3) how good Aunt Judy’s pie was this year and he gets up to leave and you’re like “Oh you’re leaving? Well it was good to see you, drive safe!” and you share an awkward side-hug.
Do you need a synopsis? It’s an X-Men movie. Mutants are getting up to mutant-y shit. Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) is all like “we can help the humans and they’ll like us if we save them from space disasters!” and Erik Lehnsherr is all like “mutants are better than humans and we should conquer them but since I’ve tried that a couple times and got caught I’m just gonna build a little island mutant utopia” and honestly both of them are kind of side characters in their own franchise which is a bummer because I think we can all agree that the Charles/Erik dichotomy is the beating heart of why people connect with this mythology. The main plot is about Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) getting dosed with a bunch of space energy that she can’t really control and shit happens and people get hurt and she’s like I like hurting people but also she doesn’t. Jessica Chastain is wasted as a woman with very ghost-like features who’s trying to convince Jean to use her powers for EEEVILLLL. You probably heard that this movie was terrible. It’s not. But it’s not good either. It just...is. Frankly, I feel very zen about the whole thing.
Many thoughts:
During the first opening narration, Sleepy Gay leaned over and said, “I already hate this.” And uh, that mood was about right for the narration throughout. Unless you’re doing a true film noir, you have to have a DAMN good reason besides laziness to have voiceover do this much heavy lifting.
#onlyninetieskidsremember the 1992 space shuttle because we don’t care about funding NASA anymore!
I know the production of this film was fraught, and there were some massive reshoots, which obviously means a quick and messy editing session. But that slapdash feel permeates the movie into even the most mundane scenes - an early example is Hank (Nicholas Hoult) turning into Beast at the end of a conversation to reply, “Yeah.” Was...was that necessary? Is that how he ends all his conversations?
And the emotional beats feel really weird. Like when Jean gets back on the ship from space, the vibe feels completely wrong for the scene we just witnessed.
I will say, it’s a thing of beauty to see just how 10000% done Jennifer Lawrence is while she languishes in this movie with nothing to do but die (listen they spoiled that shit in the trailers, don’t @ me). Her snappy line, “The women are the only ones who do anything around here, maybe you should change the name to the X-Women” is delivered with such exasperated can-you-believe-we’re-still-doing-this spice, it’s just *chef kiss* gorgeous.
In spite of all the crying she does in this film, Sophie Turner’s eye makeup is FLAWLESS. I want to know what eyeliner she uses.
I’m feeling very uncomfortable with the fact that when I was a kid, I agreed with Charles on his whole “it’s our duty to protect the humans and show them we’re good” manifesto but now........idk, maybe it’s because Nazis are like, a big thing again, but I’m kinda with Magneto here? Maybe it’s the existential nightmare that’s swallowing us all but uh I just can’t really hang with respectability politics any more? This is like that moment in The Little Mermaid when Ariel says, “I’m 16 years old! I’m not a child anymore!” and you know where you’re at in life by whether you say, “Yeah, tell him Ariel!” or “Back those fins the fuck up and go to your room, young lady!”
Scott (Tye Sheridan) is just the most boring character and he has NO chemistry with Jean whatsoever.
Question - if you have sex in the X-Men house, does Charles know? I’ll bet he does. What a perv.
In spite of his terrible conversation enders, I will say Nicholas Hoult is looking damn fine these days. DAMN fine. However - I’m a fan of his work overall, I really am, but he must have been having an off week when he filmed his angry grief confrontation with James McAvoy (a frankly incredible actor who elevates every single thing he’s in so...let that sink in). Going from quiet to loUD VERY QUICKLY over and over again is not the same as portraying grief, my dude.
I don’t understand why you would get an actress as magnetic and arresting as Jessica Chastain and then make her act like the love child of a ghost-robot one night stand. Her only sparks of something interesting are when she’s doing the big energy transfer with Sophie Turner, because frankly, that read as very homoerotic to me so like...into it.
Wait but did they hurt that dog. There’s no resolution about the dog and that is VERY upsetting.
How are we this far in the franchise and no one has told anyone involved in production “So uh. The floating thing the mutants do when they enter or exit a room in a big scene. Are you guys like...married to that? Have you thought about maybe not having floating be such a big part of the final emotional confrontation between Jean and everyone she’s ever loved trying to destroy her?” Because if there’s one thing I know of that creates and amplifies dramatic tension, it’s floating.
Is Michael Fassbender the most handsome man alive in these movies? It’s possible. At one point he’s in a collar and that really felt like someone involved in that script punch up was giving the fans anything at that point to keep them engaged, but I’m not complaining about it.
How many fights have these X-Men been in? Isn’t the first day of X-Men school devoted to “Don’t make significant eye contact during a fight!”
Did I Cry? I probably should have, but the most I got was a slight tearing up.
Overall, this is a mess. It’s kind of a fun mess if you already like the characters, and there’s certainly some eye candy for those interested in all genders. If you like the other films, give this one a gander just for completionist reasons and try to remember the good old days when X-Men actually meant something.
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#119in2019#dark phoenix#dark phoenix review#x men#x men dark phoenix#sophie turner#james mcavoy#michael fassbender#jennifer lawrence#jessica chastain#tye sheridan#nicholas hoult#movie reviews#film reviews
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@dressedforthebills asked, in reference to the post I made stating that Solo: A Star Wars Story, is a bad movie:
What makes the writing bad? Plot? Structure? What stereotypes would that be?
So I’m just going to go over what’s fresh in my head, so there might be some pieces missing that I’m not particularly interested in. I enjoy the Star Wars movies and read a lot of fic about it, but I’m not a die-hard fan and haven’t read anything in the extended universe.
SPOILERS abound.
Rule #1 of Storytelling: Don’t tell the audience something they already know.
Solo already sort of breaks this rule simply by existing, but we could forgive that fact based on the idea that it was meant to show Han’s early years. However, this rule sticks out to me throughout.
We know Han won the Millennium Falcon from Lando in a card game - we see two (three?) card games played. It’s difficult to be invested in a card game when you don’t understand the rules. When they lay down their cards, we have no basis of understanding if they are good or not before being shown an in-world audience reaction, which throws off the beat. (At least in most card movies there is a shot of the cards and a voice over of the dealer saying what the hand is for those who don’t know, so the audience can see the cards and hear the hand and make the connection as though they made it themselves. So that could be a simple editing issue.)
We know Han and Qi’ra don’t end up together. We have no reason to be invested in their romantic arc. I could forgive this if they did something at the end like they did at the end of Casino Royale, where the pacing was thrown off because we thought Bond was really going to leave with Vesper, only to find out that she betrayed him at the end and he vowed to go back to work (and never fall in love again). But instead, at the end of Solo, we have Solo left on a beach wondering why the fuck the ship Qi’ra is on is suddenly leaving - was she trapped? Did someone else take over? Is she a hostage again? (all perfectly acceptable canon questions that Han would ask). There’s no clear cut image or moment to show that that was a betrayal, leaving us (and Han) confused.
Rule #1 of Romance: If you have to show two characters kissing to show they’re together, it’s bad writing.
The first scene with Qi’ra and Han breaks this rule. He’s running, in a panic - there’s no reason at all why he would suddenly stop what he was doing, switch gears immediately from panic to lust, and kiss her as he did. It’s a simple and fast way to show two characters are allied, but its boring. If he saw her hiding and waiting for him, and while running took her hand and dashed them to a safer place it would have 1) established that he is confident in his surroundings enough to hide (we love experts) and 2) shown them allied anyway.
They were able to show Qi’ra and Dryden Vos allied even though they never macked on one another, which I guess was to show that Qi’ra still had feelings for Han and that she wasn’t really on Vos’ side.
Qi’ra would have been a more interesting character if she were Han’s sister, not his love interest.
The guilt he feels for not be able to return to Corellia sooner and the worry he feels over her would have been more palpable if she were his blood relation, the only person in the world he had left and/or could trust, and the only person in the galaxy who could have actually relied on him - making seeing her on the yacht that much more of a surprise, showing that this girl who once relied on him has grown up.
Also, it would have made a neat parallel for Leia/Luke if there was any strange sexual chemistry between Han and Qi’ra’s actors.
No idea what planet Han was on as a soldier, their objectives, or the purpose.
Which, I guess, was the same as Han felt. If confusion was the goal, they got it. In the book, I guess, they give a reason why Chewbacca was caged there, but for the movie they didn’t tell us so it just felt very, you know. Contrived.
The heist scene doesn’t make any sense.
The goal was to attach the ship to one shipping container, detach the container, and lift it away. Which means that there was no reason to blow up the bridge ahead. Which means...
Val didn’t need to die during the heist.
There was no reason to kill her character. If they were doing this job, as Beckett said, to steal a bunch of coaxium for a gangster, then being a thief she would know the risk involved (i.e., Dryden Vos would kill them if they did not return with what was asked) and not be willing to sacrifice herself in the chance that 1) their failing plan would work, 2) Beckett would survive, 3) the coaxium would survive and 4) her life was worth saving Beckett.
Which, love, I guess. But seriously she had no reason to die. And, being the only black character of the group, it was pretty shitty that killed off her and the alien pilot and not one of the two white guys. Because plot. Of course.
Coaxium is apparently super unstable when unprocessed - but it’s okay to be tossed around.
Take any high school chemistry class and the teacher’s going to tell you that unstable materials are called that for a reason. All the moving around they do getting the raw coaxium out of the mine, loading it and transporting it on the ship, and the temperature heating up to the breaking point (yet still safe enough to get onto the other world, unloaded, and stuck in a container and plugged into something that I guess immediately neutralizes it) but it’s still able to be handled, without any safety gear, by Beckett when he takes “a drop” (not a unit of measurement) and shoves it into the fuel line of the Falcon.
I mean, hell. When it is processed look at Han so carefully gives the containers over to Dryden Vos. The audience is meant to think he’s being too extra careful because we think it’s fake and he’s overdoing it, but - no. That’s how you handle very explosive processed material. I guess the “super unstable” unprocessed material is okay, though.
Stereotypes.
Seems like Hollywood can’t make a movie lately without poking fun at “SJWs.” Enter L3. Who walked, talked, and sassed like a prototypical black woman. No thanks. She did have some funny lines, but I hate how her character’s actual correct ideas were treated as the punch line. (The same problem Hermione had with the SPEW stuff in the HP books.)
Lando is vain. He has a whole closet for capes. Unfortunately we don’t get to see him be or say anything vain at all whatsoever elsewhere.
The alien pilot at the beginning is like “I am here to state the theme and die.”
Major characterization problems - aka I don’t care about these people.
Qi’ra’s woe-is-me / you won’t look at me the same way if I’ve told you what I’ve done / you don’t know what I’ve done lines. The audience has no idea either, so I feel absolutely nothing when she says these lines. Was she a prostitute? Did she steal, lie, cheat? Did she make other people work for her? How did she get to be in Dos’ inner circle? No clue. It doesn’t make her mysterious. It makes her boring.
Enfrys Nest’s rebellion has nothing to do with rebellion against the Empire.
Meaning I don’t care about it. That twelve year old mercenary is rebelling against the crime syndicate, which is not affiliated with the rebellion. But wait -
There was zero indication that was Darth Maul speaking to Qi’ra.
Maul came from a planet where people just... looked like that. The actor was the same but much older, and it showed enough that I had zero inkling to think “oh, hey, that’s Darth Maul” who is a character I really liked. You know why else? Because Qi-gon Jin murdered his ass twenty years ago. I don’t think the Force can keep you alive after being sliced in half and sent down a bottomless well. That’s not how the Force works. They tried to make me think it by needlessly igniting his double bladed red lightsaber, but I was still like.. okay. Another Sith. Whatever.
Also. There’s no indication in the prequels that Darth Maul was the leader of a crime syndicate.
Things I liked:
- Making the Kessel run. The visuals were pretty cool with the tunnel vision, the Imperial ship, and darting off into the wild unknown with the eldritch monster. Here’s a good example at telling something the audience doesn’t know: Han cheated to do the run in 12 parsecs using the coaxium, which is why no one believes that he actually did that fast. So that’s funny. (”Not if you round down” was a cute line, too.)
- The riot scene with the droids at the mine. They were having a good time.
- Chewie helping his fellow Wookies to get free, and that moment where they touched foreheads. Small character movements like those make a big difference.
- Vos’ blades. That looked like kyber power, which means that those were probably super expensive, and that’s cool characterization.
So, no. I didn’t like Solo: A Star Wars Story. It added nothing to the characterization of Han or the Skywalker space opera universe we’ve all come to know and love. I know the prequels aren’t as beloved because of the political content, but I think a young Leia movie would’ve been a more worthwhile investment. We could have seen her on Alderran, a planet which we know nothing about, struggling with the life of being both royalty and a senator. We could’ve seen a young woman struggle to be taken seriously at her job that would have had actual in-universe repercussions for the storylines and characters we are familiar with. Yes, it could have had all the problems Solo did, but we would have known that Alderran would be blown up by the Empire, making us root for any chance we saw for characters to leave the planet (and be heartbroken when something required them to stay).
Young Leia was feisty, not afraid to stand up to Vader (of all people), and I want an origin story for her, dammit! I’m tired of men’s stories! Honor Carrie Fisher you cowards!
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So, here is my deal. I have been single for a year now, after being in a long term relationship and I am really struggling to impress women. I’ve tried all the classic dating apps, starting casual conversations, and nothing seems to do the trick. I wouldn’t call myself handsome, but not an eyesore either. I am exercising, but still have a few extra pounds. Any tip for how to land something long term? That I should try?
EDIT: Hopefully you haven’t read this yet--I just reread your question, and realized you’ve only been out of your last LTR for a year. Certainly you know you better than I do, but I would strongly recommend being single for a little longer than that, to really clear your system of whatever is still rattling around in there. It’ll be better for you in the long run, and probably better for whoever you date next too. At the risk of being too accusative with a total stranger, you might wanna read a couple of articles on serial monogamy, and decide if any of it rings true with you, before proceeding.
Well, that’s a pretty complex question! Obviously I don’t know you, so I have to generalize a lot. I guess I have a few bullet points that may or may not be useful. It’s worth saying that even though I’m a lady and that means we face these challenges in different ways, I do know where you’re coming from. I’ve been with very few people in my life, was rejected or ignored by a lot more, and I had to go through a long stretch of facing the idea that I might truly die alone–which included realizing that that should not be the worst case scenario that everybody neurotically makes it out to be. So, here are the things I think:
- I wonder where you live, what kind of scene there is around you. Sometimes it might not be the worst idea to entertain a pen pal-type beginning, from the internet, or whatever you can dig up for a resource. Especially if your main goal is making a lasting connection with somebody (which would be something that many people would consider moving out of state for), it’s really worth considering that that person might live literally anywhere. It’s also worth acknowledging whether your immediate environment is just not conducive to healthy dating, for whatever reason. Even in a huge bustling city like NYC, where I live, statistical realities may affect your ability to find what you are looking for. Here, women outnumber men so radically that if you’re female and you’re looking for dudely companionship, you may have to put up with all sorts of bullshit, because men have an embarrassment of choice. A lot of them feel no obligation whatsoever to get tied down, even if they think they’re “nice guys” and they’re not really consciously aware of this, even if they have a really attractive woman on the hook. My gay male friends make pretty much the exact same complaint to me: That New York has this reputation of having a huge supportive gay community, but the reality is that men who are willing to settle down are really hard to find, because they just have so many options, and even a lot of the guys who think they want a relationship are just all fighting over the same handful of top 10 status-symbol twinks all the time anyway. Soooo that’s all about how hard it is to find a standard boyfriend where *I* live, but like, there could be something legitimately similar going on with finding a girlfriend near you. It’s not ALWAYS your own fault if you can’t get what you want.
- A lot of people who say that they just wanna be with “someone nice”, or who make generalizations like “NOBODY likes them,” are hiding or ignoring the fact that they actually want something pretty specific. That’s not a crime, it’s just something that would be better to be honest about with yourself. The little you’ve said here makes it sound like goal for you is just, being in a long term relationship. Obviously you have a right to that, but even if you’re NOT unconsciously rejecting people who don’t fit your secret standards, you still may face the problem that your candidates could find your open-mindedness a little impersonal. Obviously you’re not telling people you “just wanna be in a relationship” out loud, but intuition is a powerful thing, especially when it’s fed by body language or subtle behavioral cues. People can become supernaturally perceptive when questions of sex or dating are on the table. So, this might be a good time to interrogate what your goal means to you. When you try to imagine what you’re looking for in really specific terms, what does it look like? What comes out of a long term relationship, that you absolutely can’t get out of any other part of your life? Are those things that you can live without? Also, what kind of person do you imagine being with? If your answer is really vague, or kind of amounts to something like “just someone who treats me well”, try to refine that. If people sense that your standards are totally amorphous because your only goal is having someone to warm your bed, then they’re not going to be really flattered by your attention. I mean you can find people out there who want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship, but they usually also want babies and all the social, marital trappings above all else. There are apps for that.
- You’ve probably heard this before, and you’re going to roll your eyes when you hear it again, but “looks” aren’t THAT important. At least for straight dudes, mostly. I’m definitely not going to tell you that looks don’t matter at all, at which point you would know not to believe anything I say, but there’s more going on here. I’ve known plenty of men in the plain-to-ugly range, as traditional standards go, who have dated beautiful women, and/or just lots and lots of women, because they have really inviting personalities: Some combination of, they’re really funny, they have a lot of confidence, they’re super bright, they communicate well about their passions in life, they’re really nice (not “I held the door for you so now you have to fuck me” nice–which is called “being fake” actually–but compassionate/considerate/humble/genuinely interested nice), etc. I also have known plenty of guys in the upper register of physical attractiveness who don’t perform the way you might expect them to because they act fucking weird: any combo of pushy, argumentative, withholding, insecure, superior, combative if you try to be kind to them, or sometimes they just haven’t trained themselves to engage–like, they act like OTHER PEOPLE should compensate for their shyness, and they become resentful if they believe YOU didn’t work hard enough to pry them out of THEIR shell. So like it’s a good thing to care about your appearance and your hygiene and everything, but a big part of the reason that stuff matters is that it shows you care about yourself. No matter what you look like, if you carry around this vibe that it’s somebody else’s job to make you feel good about yourself or your life, then all you’re going to attract is nobody–or people who are seriously damaged, which you probably don’t want either. Depression and insecurity are as normal as they are difficult, but it’s important to try to show that you’re not gonna be somebody’s full time job, with a combination of personal presentation AND personality. The latter is more important.
- At this point you’re probably thinking, “This is like that thing where you need experience to get a job, but you can only get experience FROM getting a job, so where am I supposed to get all this confidence from if my confidence is constantly eroded by rejection?” Well, that’s a good question! This stuff can take like a superhuman amount of effort. Unfortunately there’s no just and reliable way to simply fix this conundrum. I will say this, though: One thing you can do is just try to stop being so focused on it. Yes, I know, THAT SOUNDS REALLY HARD ALSO. But if you can achieve it, to some degree, then it takes a lot of pressure off both yourself and other people, leading to interactions that are easier and more fun, which takes you a big step in the right direction. I’m more or less speaking from experience. I had been painfully oriented toward being in a relationship for most of my life. Men have almost never wanted anything to do with me, for any number of reasons: I’ve never been what you’d call hot, I act like a fucking weirdo, I get along so well with guys that they tend to just think of me as another guy (I’d called this being “friendzoned” if I were a WAY BIGGER ASSHOLE), and surely the few people I was close enough to to try to start something could tell that I was pretty desperate about it. Because I was so…yeah, desperate, about being in a relationship, I took what I could get, and on all but one of the very few past occasions where I “got” something, it turned into a gnarly abusive nightmare, some of which I’m still processing. So, there came a point in time when I really had to review what I’d been doing. I started to ask myself really hard questions like, why DO I need to be in a relationship? Isn’t it true that I would still have to have other things to live for, even if I DID get into a decent relationship? What are those things? Can’t I just start focusing more on those things NOW? Basically I started to experiment with going about my days as if I knew for a fact that I would never get into a relationship, ever. It wasn’t exactly a party, at first, but I knew I was doing a good thing for myself. Actually, it was the only rational thing I could think to do. Then, a month or two later, I met the man I’m going to marry in December. I was sort of confounded by it, like I had finally made this big achievement in being more zen about everything, when I suddenly found myself in a serious, healthy relationship. I almost felt like some kind of hypocrite. But anyway, my explanation was that I was finally in a mental state where I was genuinely ready to be in that kind of relationship, I was prepared to enter it as my own person, without all kinds of baggage about what I “needed” to get out of it. I must have been putting out that vibe, finally.
So these are just some ideas, if there were a surefire fix for your situation, then everybody in the world would know about it already. I guess I’d just conclude by saying that if you can remember that “life isn’t fair” AND you can prevent yourself from blaming others for that, then you’re already a lot closer to getting what you want, than people who think they’re owed satisfaction. Which is a LOT of people.
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On Impawsibility - 7
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
Chapter 8 Chapter 9
A popular!Logan and loser!Roman high school AU based on @2pointomg’s idea with eventual Prinxiety.
impossible
ɪmˈpɒsɪb(ə)l
adjective
· not able to occur, exist, or be done.
Eg. It is impossible to fund both the sports and drama programmes with the school’s limited budget.
· very difficult to deal with.
Eg. The situation which Logan Sanders, Student Body President, is in after he convinced the school board to cut the unsuccessful drama programmes is impossible.
· (of a person) very unreasonable.
Eg. Roman Prince.
To Roman, nothing is impossible. Not following his older brother Patton to acting college, not being a loser taking on the school’s popular Student Body President and definitely not writing and performing an epic school play with no money and six cast and crew members.
Edited by @alpacasarethegreenestanimal, who has an amazing fanfiction on AO3! If you like superheroes, sarcasm and Virgil angst then you’ll love this
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Logan’s father had made him promise to do his best in the debate, and to be careful of the New York boys as his own heart had once been broken by a pink-haired artist from the Bronx. His mother had told him to not bring revision and have fun instead. As soon as he got onto the coach Joan was in charge, making sure everyone was ready, and he’d uninstalled email from his phone so the only motions he’d be worrying about were hypothetical questions with meticulously researched answers. His bag was full of notes and Agatha Christie novels. Virgil and Roman had never been connected to debate at all.
‘Alright, guys, we’re almost there so we need to wake up a bit.’ An orange beanie popped over a seat.
Susan threw a travel pillow at Joan and groaned, ‘It’s five in the morning!’
‘We’re going to do word association games!’ Logan sat up, grinning at Joan, who had looked right at him when they suggested that.
‘Debate!’ shouted Miles at the back.
‘Happiness!’ was Logan’s reply.
----------------------------------------
Below-gan a cheerfully shabby apartment near the best theatre school in New York City, a bespectacled teen was psyching himself up to ring a doorbell with a pawprint on it and a handwritten label in multi-coloured felt tip. ‘You need help, kid?’ asked someone half-dressed in costume for their audition in Heathers. ‘I’m fine, thank you.’ replied Logan stiffly, trying not to stare at the garish tartan blazer.
The girl squinted at him for a moment. ‘You Patton Prince’s little brother?’
If there was one thing Logan wanted to do less than approach the brother of his nemesis the night before the most important debate competition of his life, it was small talk. ‘I sure am.’
His voice was shaky and he was desperately avoiding eye contact. Taking pity on him, the girl quickly leaned over him and pressed the button. ‘Patton, your brother.’
There was a crinkle on the line while Logan awkwardly manoeuvred himself under the girl’s arm. ‘Send him up right away! Boyo am I glad to see you! Whatcha doing out here? Well you’d buzzer come right up. Thanks Gabriella. Good luck!’
‘Thanks Pat!’ The girl shrugged at Logan’s scowl, put her croquet stick over her shoulder, and marched off, whistling ‘Candy Store.’
Recalibrating the school legend of Patton Prince with this goofy character, Logan started up the stairs, needing to reach the apartment as quickly as possible before he began to panic and rethink this truly, truly awful plan. Oh, look at that – he was already panicking! He paused outside 109, rehearsing what he would say. Then he rapped smartly on the door. It was flung open by a – woman? With glasses? He’d thought that Patton was a guy, but clearly-
She was singing. She was singing at him. She was wearing a trilby. A man jumped out behind a hat stand and swirled her into a kiss before two more men came out with synchronised jazz hands. Unsurprisingly, the group’s singing was very good. In time with the music, a man in a baby blue polo, the same glasses as Logan himself and a trilby jumped out ‘I want to be a part of it – New York, New York!’ He cut out suddenly, leading the other four to trail off, looking at him in confusion.
‘Who are you?’
Logan tried to practice socialisation, he really did. He could do small talk with students, ask intelligent questions about music with Elise and had stopped using probability percentages and fronts in his discussion of weather. But he was not ready for this. The display explained Roman but not really anything else. Patton recognised the boy in the doorway – although based off the pictures Roman had sent him he should have devil horns in red biro ink. It just took him a moment to process what that particular boy was doing here, some thousand miles away from their home town. The boy readjusted his tie and decided to break the silence. ‘Greetings, Patton Prince. I am Logan Sanders, the Student Body President of your alma mater, Simmons High.’ He paused for a moment, observed the expressions of the five roommates and explained further. ‘I am not Roman. Nor do I like or even tolerate singing, dancing and such frivolities in make-believe.’ When no-one responded to this he continued. ‘However, I am here about Roman and his play. On behalf of the school.’
Patton’s face broke into a sunshiny grin, ‘Well, shucks, come on in.’
Logan quickly unlaced his shoes, although he didn’t like the lack of formality that afforded him. He was pretty sure that the yellow of the hallway walls and the purple of the carpet were clashing colours, and he did not understand why there were multicoloured handprints on the kitchen cabinets or a host of stuffed animals on the sofa even though the average age of the occupants was twenty-two. Despite the fact that the other four students had each been in the middle of something before trying to surprise Patton’s little brother, they made themselves comfortable in the living room, interested in the next instalment in the saga Patton relayed to them each week. Logan elected to stand, not taking off his backpack.
Larry spoke incredulously over the quiet noises from Patton making tea in the other room ‘Logan who closed the theatre programmes?’
‘I did not close the theatre programmes, I advised the school on the best course of action to take to help the sixty-five students in sports-based extracurriculars.’ Logan replied to a spot one metre over Larry’s head.
Dot continued – ‘Logan from Patton’s old high school? In Florida?’
Corbyn broke in, ‘Do you want to sit down, at least? We’re not scary people.’
‘Yes, yes and no thank you. Scariness is subjective.’ Logan still couldn’t make eye contact.
‘What’s your favourite Disney film?’ was Sloane’s question.
‘Big hero six. I fail to see how that is relevant to the matter at hand.’ He was being weird, he was being weird, what would Virgil say? ‘Since we are all destined to die alone anyway.’ Reading the room, he should not have taken socialising tips from a guy who hissed when people annoyed him.
‘Well…’ Sloane replied, trying to keep his expression neutral, ‘I have a Baymax plushie in my bedroom if you want to hold it?’
‘I am not a child.’
‘So…’
‘Yes please.’
Patton nudged the door open with his hips, holding three mugs in each hand. With a swiftness caused by bitter experience, Corbyn took a few off him. Logan was now sitting cross-legged on the floor holding a Baymax toy and cradling a mug of tea, surrounded by college students and cartoon memorabilia.
Patton sat near him, leaning his back on an empty armchair. ‘So, kiddo, what’s up?’
‘You may be aware that Roman is attempting to put on a play without any school funding.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I am here to ask for your assistance. It is likely students here would donate to putting on the play given their passion for theatre and probable affection for you. As both a fourth year and scholarship student it is also likely that you could ask a scout to go and see the people performing, as well as the set and costumes.’
‘I’ll do whatever I can, sure. People love an underdog. How’s Roman doing?’
‘Whoa, whoa, whoa!’ broke in Corbyn, ‘Logan, do your parents know where you are? Why are you in New York?’
‘I am here for a national debate competition.’
‘Yeah, I’m still a bit confused.’ added Sloane, ‘aren’t you trying to stop the play, so they won’t get funding.’ He broke off at Patton’s ‘parental warning’ eyebrows.
Logan put his mug down on the coffee table with a bang. ‘Falsehood!’
‘Alright slugger, calm down. Sloane here was just getting a little carried away, is all. I’m sure you’re all president and correct.’
‘Humorous.’ said Logan with no expression whatsoever, ‘If you are in accordance with this plan, then I shall leave, I have a competition tomorrow after all.’
‘We do need to iron out some details first. Could I get your number?’
As they exchanged numbers Dot made an escape back to her thesis, but the rest of the students were in this for the long-haul.
Corbyn was not going over his Hamlet monologue one more time, so he grabbed a piece of paper and a pen in the intent of taking notes. ‘How much money do you need?’
‘About $200 should be sufficient. That will cover costumes and the last few props.’
As Corbyn scribbled that down Patton tilted his head to the side. ‘Roman didn’t mention that you co-ordinated this with him. He could have just called me.’
Logan stood up a little straighter, ‘Well, uh, the thing is – he doesn’t know I’m here. Technically he does know that I am in New York, but not that I visited you. I asked Talyn for the hypothetical price of costumes and decided to set this plan into motion.’
‘A random, anonymous act of kindness?’ squealed Patton.
‘…sure.’ This was strictly true, even if Logan’s reason for not wanting to have a conversation with Roman and his friends was a little more complicated than that. ‘It is common knowledge that you came here for college, and Elise asked her older brother where you lived. He gave me the address on the condition that I told you ‘spotlight llama’. What does it mean?’
Patton burst into laughter. ‘Just a little incident involving us two when we were in ‘Singing in the rain’ together. Nothing to…’ he broke off giggling, ‘Nothing to….hoo boy….nothing to allarma you.’
Inside jokes and people laughter at something Logan didn’t understand. Another one of his favourite things.
‘So rather than talk to Roman and email Patton, you estimated the costs of the costumes plus props and visited us in New York?’ asked Corbyn, looking up from his sheet.
‘I do not understand everyone’s confusion. I am here to help. Just let me sort this out.’
‘You don’t have to do too much. I know I may seem like a big ol’ goofball but I’m four years older than you and perfectly capable of doing this. We just need to find a way to transfer the money.’
Logan frowned at Patton. ‘I never said you weren’t capable. I do not doubt that you will perform your part of this adequately.’
The man shrugged guilelessly as Corbyn smiled down at his sheet, still not quite used to Patton’s ability to read people after four years. ‘Well, let’s sort this out.’
Eventually everything was prepared and Logan got ready to go back to the hostel for dinner and last-minute practice with the team.
As Logan put his shoes on, Patton leaned on the garish wall opposite him, looking at the door rather than into Logan’s eyes.
‘Everything’s going to be fine, kiddo. Be easy on yourself.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘A feeling.’
‘The bane of my existence.’
Patton smiled then held the door open for him. ‘Good luck tomorrow – have a de-great debate! Yeesh, not my best. Ooh, also! Say hi to Elise for me! And tell Roman to sleep and to call me if he has a problem with the play.’
Logan straightened his shoelaces, then stood. ‘I can’t do that. From the way your roommates were behaving, you should know how much Roman dislikes me. I mean, he thinks I would sabotage his play!’
Patton folded his arms and raised his eyebrows. ‘No. You’re going to tell him. You’re going to tell him that you came to New York and asked me for help, and you’re going to tell him that I think you’re pretty neat, and you’re going to tell him to stop overworking himself on the play and to go out on the weekend with his friends, and you’re going to do the same thing!’
Logan saw his mother in that speech and was rightly scared of the sound of tough love.
He nodded. ‘Alright. Thank you. Farewell.’
So Roman hadn’t told Patton that Logan didn’t have any proper friends now. Perhaps it was hard to tell when from the outside Logan was objectively one of the most popular people in their school. Still, it was a small mercy, and since he had no intention of following through with any of Patton’s orders he was glad that there was at least one promise he wasn’t breaking.
#sanders sides fanfiction#patton sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#sanders sides#sanders sides fic#sanders sides au#prinxiety
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