doing that thing where i wonder how honest i can be about how i’m feeling without getting banned or put back in the small windowless room

And all the things I need to say

And all the big words seem to stay

On the inside

On the inside

what’s the point

WE ARE SO BACK (unfortunate)

why do i need so much external validation to feel even remotely okay

we back on this again

i miss feeling wanted and desired

i just think it would be really cool if my brain were free of all electrical signals

if you love someone do you listen to them? every time i speak it feels as heard as my posts here are

idk what i expected

once again missing when people actually wanted me and being around me

im fucking pathetic

whew that was a gut punch

in better news at least i went 4 days without wanting to die this time

i wonder if i would be happier if i just deleted everything, moved states, and started over

i was about to post “what am i lacking that makes people not want to talk to me” but then i remembered that i’m boring, selfish, and generally a waste of time so i think i have that one answered

kinda just want to disappear forever

amending my cry for help post because im drunk and somehow even have less of a filter on my vent blog. i just wish someone cared. anyone. i wish just one person would ask how i am and if i reply with “not great” actually ask me why. i wish someone would actually engage with any of my feelings that isnt positive. i wish i didnt have to feel fucking GUILTY about not feeling well. i wish i could stop crying. i wish i could feel as cared about as i supposedly am. i wish for so many things that are never going to happen for me.

nvm i just remembered that time i hand wrote my suicide note while my girlfriend was laying right next to me

genuinely i dont know if i have ever felt this alone before