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toomanyideasandfandoms · 2 days

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Sometimes Silence Is The Best Medicine

Jiyan x reader

Notes: I really needed some comfort from my husband, so I'm throwing this out there for others.

Reader based of of oc (but given name inserts), gn reader, they/them used, afab anatomy possibly mentioned.

Also small warning about some graphic imagery and also not proofread lol

It's ringing, your head is ringing. It's not some stark white noise, it doesn't even sound like anything. It's like there's an absence of noise, yet it's every noise as well. You can't block it out either, it heightens when you hear anything. It just won't stop. You wanted to scream. Why won't it stop-

"Are you alright [Y/n]?" A sudden voice calls out, startling you out of your internal screaming. Gentle hands grasp onto your hands, now realizing they're gripping onto your hair tightly, coaxing them to release the [h/c] locks. The person doesn't let go, instead they keep a firm grip on your skin in comfort. "Breathe."

"I am." You reply, acknowledging the slow breathes you were taking. The realization that tears were running down struck you, feeling the droplets land onto your joined hands. Taking a moment to recollect yourself, you lift your head a bit to look at the person before you. Though you didn't see their face, instead you immediately recognized them by the clothes. "I'm fine, Jiyan."

"Forgive me, but I don't believe you." He says, giving you hands a gentle squeeze. It's easy for him to notice how you aren't meeting his eyes or how tense your posture was. "What happened?"

"Nothing did." You sighed, turning your head away to look on at the main city of Jinzhou. The gentle breeze picked up your clothing a bit, letting it flow like petals. "Just...my own head being my biggest enemy."

"I see." He pauses, unsure how to respond. "Would it be better to talk about it?"

"Not really?" You shrug your shoulders, ignoring the almost itching sensation the fabric that clung to your form gave. "It's hard to explain."

"Try it. Explain to me."

"It's...It's like everything is too much." You begin to say, focusing on the warmth his hands gave. "Every sound is deafening, almost every touch is itchy, and no matter where I look my eyes burn because it's too bright. It makes me want to scream out loud until my voice is gone and scratch my skin off."

"That's..."

"I know, it's intense." You chuckle as you can practically see his expression from the way his voice sounded. "But it happens, it's just something I have to get over until the next time."

"Does having someone with you help?"

"Sometimes? Other times no." You squeeze his hands, desiring more warmth to seep into your palms. "Though luckily this is one of those times."

"I'm glad." He smiles, reciprocating your grasp. You hear a small shuffle before you feel his shoulder bump into your, causing you to tense a bit. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

He releases one hand, using the now free limb to bring your head onto him. "Is this okay?"

"...kind of." You mutter, feeling your cheeks turning a bit red at the contact. A small thought crossed your mind, but you weren't too sure if you wanted to go through with it.

"I remember you saying compressions usually helped with those who experience similar things. Would that also work for you?" He asks softly, studying your body language to make sure he wasn't overstepping.

"I'm not sure."

"Are you willing to try?"

"...yes."

Without another word he guides you to sit in front of him, the grass brushing against your skin irritatingly. You grunt in annoyance, before he pushes you against him and wraps his arms around you. You stiffen in his hold, hearing him whisper into your ear to relax and breathe. You do so and as the breeze tickled your cheeks, you began to smell the clear waters that were nearby.

"Would you be alright with talking more? Or is being silent better?" He asked gently, keeping a comfortable firm grip on your form.

"I wanna enjoy the view of the city a bit." You whisper, the desire to scream slowly leaving you. You barely could even register the fact that the sounds of the world around were quietening.

So you both sat there, taking in the shared warmth as they watched the sun begin the set down past the city.

#wuwa #wuthering waves #wuthering waves x reader #wuwa jiyan #jiyan x reader #jiyan x oc #this calmed my mind actually #god what would i give to be able to be in his arms #he gives some major comforter vibes

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halfmoonaria · 1 day

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reason

pairing: tara carpenter & female reader

summary: you didn't have a reason for it, except tara was the reason.

words: 2.3k

warnings: violence, ghostface, gore, language, sensitive topics.

Her heart was pounding, legs shaking, breath hitched and voice trembling.

Tara was frightened, terrified.

Everything had happened so fast.

First Quinn had died, shortly after Anika was gone. Then Ethan and Mindy got left behind, being forced to take another train.

Now it was just her, Sam, Chad, Kirby and you. And four people would've been enough to fight the killers, technically.

However, now both Chad and you were gone.

Tara didn't know where you were, and it was starting to worry her. What if you were dead?

Oh god, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if you were. Especially not since the last conversation she had with you ended so acrimoniously.

She knew why it did, and she knew it was entirely her fault. But she was going to make it okay again, she was going to be better. For you.

Although Tara also knew that there wasn't any ways to make it better. Not at all.

Tara felt totally unreasonable. Disgusted with herself.

She couldn't reverse the situation or turn back the clock on what had occurred. She couldn't change what happened. Not even the slightest.

She couldn't even change the thoughts of remorse and guilt that had been rotting in her head for days. What made her think she could change the situation?

Tara did cheat. And you saw it. She couldn't change that.

She couldn't change the way you ran out of the apartment before Tara had the chance to open her mouth. She couldn't change the fact that you hadn't spoken to her ever since she chased you down the street.

She couldn't change anything. And it was hurting her to bits.

"Kirby stop!" The fiddling with a gun brought Tara out of her own thoughts, "Get away from the girls."

Tara could feel her lips shaking out of fear. Legs almost too wobbly to stand. Her mind was too fuzzy she could barely focus on the conversation between Kirby and Bailey.

All she could find herself thinking about was you. The look on your face when you had seen Tara on top of Chad. The tears that were flushing down when she made eye contact with you.

The way you were probably dead right now.

It wasn't until Ghostface popped up behind Bailey that Tara finally got pulled into the moment, the thoughts about you being pushed aside as she heard the gunshots towards Kirby.

Bailey shot Kirby. In the shoulder. Twice. Making her fall to the ground in an instant.

Strangled gasps escaped from both of the sisters, their glances turning to Bailey and the masked killer next to him.

"Great job" Baileys raspy voice spoke proudly as he lowered the gun to his side. "Both of you" he finished as another Ghostface walked up behind him.

That was when it all clicked for Sam and Tara. There had been three of them? The entire time?

Tara's mouth couldn't help but move before she could think." You?" Her voice laced with nothing but disgust and betrayal.

Bailey grimaced, acting like this was some kind of fun, sick joke. "Yeah, Of course me."

Her mouth was left open out in aghast. Bailey would've been the absolute last person Tara would've excepted, and it seemed to be that way for Sam as well.

In fact, even Anika would've been a better suspect than him.

"Frankly, I expected more from the two of you after what you did to us."

And even though Tara felt so incredibly lost and confused at the moment, the sentence made it possible for her to become even more bewildered.

Sam didn't say a word, her figure just showed that she was breathing heavily in the corner of Tara's eye, either to calm herself down or because she was feeling suffocated by all the overwhelming emotions.

"What do you mean 'us'?"

At that, the person standing on the right side of the detective pulled of the hood, tugging off the mask shortly after with the gloved covered hand.

When the mask had arrived off, Ethan was revealed.

Ethan Landry.

The dorky guy that screamed like a girl whenever scary movies was shown, stumbled over his own feet while walking or always rambled about stuff nobody actually cared about.

Tara felt the need to laugh, she actually didn't think the boy could hurt a fly even if he had to. But her face remained frozen, it didn't dare to move.

Ethan had a proud, big smile on his face, like he had really accomplished something. Tara wanted to punch his face for looking so smug.

He had been anything but slick with it all. Technically everyone in the group had been suspecting him at least once, perhaps not Anika, but she hadn't blamed anyone.

"Mindy was right." He spoke as if it was funny. But in reality it was ridiculous. Mindy was never right about anything when it came to the killers, not a single right last time, which was precisely why nobody believed her now either.

Which was why the fact that Mindy was right made Ethan look nothing else but foolish.

"It was easy to juke the roommate lottery." He continued, probably expecting a response from any of the sisters. But Sam's mouth seemed to be just as unable to move as Tara's.

"I mean all I had to do to meet you? Was room with a conceited, condescending alpha, literally named Chad. Fuck, it felt good to kill him."

Tara felt her breath hitch for a second, swallowing hard enough to make head turns.

Chad was dead?

Although before Tara had the chance to speak or ask anything she was going to regret, Ethan spoke up again, this time with his Ghostface mask raised in his hand.

He spoke about how it was Sam's grandmothers, how it ran in the family; nothing Sam hadn't heard before. Tara either for that matter, and she couldn't care less. Sam wasn't a killer. Tara knew that.

"Talking of family." He voiced again, the smug smile never leaving his features.

"Wait for it!" Bailey interrupted milliseconds after.

The two of them were smiling like absolute maniacs, like they were waiting for a well known jump scare in a movie.

"My name's not Ethan Landry.. is it dad?"

"Dad?" Tara spoke up in utter disgust. Shame filling her veins for not noticing that sooner. But how could she? They looked nothing like.

It was impossible to try and find any similarities between them now, looking at them made Tara feel the need to throw up.

The way they were laughing and smiling big, the way Bailey was stroking Ethan's hair like he had a reason to be proud of him.

"Wait.. If its you two that just leaves.." Sam spoke for the first time since the reveal.

The third and final killer turned their masked face to Sam, curious to see who she'd guess. "Mindy?"

Tara felt goosebumps form on her whole body at the guess. Was it really?

Both Bailey and Ethan turned their head eagerly to watch the reveal, even though there was no doubt they already knew who it was.

Hood off.

Glove covered hand up. Grabbing the chin of the mask. Pulling it off.

There it was.

The hair and face Tara had seen a million times before, the features she admired so deeply. The eyes that met hers, that used to be filled with light. Now looked empty.

It was you.

Under the mask. It was you.

Tara felt like her heart stopped. But at the same time she could hear it beating like it was placed next to her eardrum.

You smirked as you could hear Tara let out a sob. Sam gulped heavily at the sight of you in the dark robe.

"Hello Tara." Your voice sounded sweet, like a whispering breeze. It made Tara want to crumble to her knees.

"Didn't see that one coming did you?"

Tara's lips were quivering too much for her to reply.

But of course she didn't see that coming. You were her girlfriend. Were.

Ringing covered her ears, blocking out everything else that left Bailey's mouth, making it all inaudible.

All she could do was follow your figure as you walked behind the glass boxes of souvenirs. Holding up the mask, your mouth moved. But Tara couldn't make out what.

All she could focus on was all the questions that were raised in her head. Why would you do this? How long had you been a part of this?

Tara's mind was shutting out all of the conversations that was held between Bailey and her sister, Ethan adding stuff in between.

She was watching you instead. How your eyes looked nothing like they once did. How your knife was directed towards her, almost ready to stab her whenever you got the chance.

Her mind was fuzzy, and she felt as if she couldn't focus on anything besides you.

You were walking closer. Too close for Tara's liking, but she couldn't find herself moving. Her legs straight up refused.

When the top of the knife was in faith contact with her chin, you stopped. Same as Ethan had done with Sam. Nothing Tara paid any attention to.

Instead she focused on clenching her jaw, trying to direct her head upwards. Although your voice startled her enough to stop.

"You look pretty with a knife like this." You spoke. "Maybe we should've done knife play more often." Your voice was hushed. As if nobody else was allowed to hear.

Normally it would've made Tara feel warm and comfortable. Now it made her eyes water even more.

"Although I guess you just would've used it for real huh?"

Tara gulped. She knew what you meant. She knew what you were referring to.

"You would've used it in the back right?" You spoke through gritted teeth. Making sure to remind Tara that the knife was still in your hand, pressed against her skin.

"Backstabbing cunt." You spit. Making Tara close her eyes, gulping yet again.

However when she opened them again, her eyes met yours. And she was surprised when she only saw sorrow in them, not a single thing in there showed malevolence or anger.

Tara couldn't help but plead and beg for forgiveness. Your eyes had that impact on her.

"Y/N I'm so sorry..Please- I - We can fix this." She stuttered out, way too much for her own good. "It doesn't have to happen like this."

She was trying to fix it. She didn't want to get her sister killed by you because of a decision she had made herself. A mistake she had made.

But she knew it was too late to solve things. The way your mouth smirked showed it more than enough. And Tara only made it worse by letting her mouth get the best of her.

"It was a mistake."

You felt the need to laugh, and you did. A cold hearted laugh escaped your lips. Your laugh was normally something Tara could listen to like music, like angel soft music. But this sound scared her.

"It wasn't a mistake. You know well enough it wasn't." You pressed the knife harder to her skin, millimeters away from drawing blood. "You knew it the second you chose to take of your clothes. Well enough kiss him."

And Tara knew that. She was completely aware of that.

Everything else became a blur. Everything had gone steeper downhill so fast that Tara couldn't process anything.

Maybe it was her foggy mind that didn't allow her to think straight. Maybe that's why she had lost her steady grip on the railing.

Sam had taken Ethan, and Tara had been forced to take you. Against her will.

Her mind was too focused on saving her sister that she didn't realize at what cost that might've been. She didn't realize that stabbing you meant killing you. She didn't realize that until it was too late.

She realized it when she had harshly impaled the knife in your mouth, twisting it seconds later. When your wide, beautiful eyes had stared up at her in shock. When your blood had splashed in her face. Your blood.

When your limp body fell to the floor. When she shook your shoulders, begging for you to wake up. Begging for you to forgive her.

Sam told Tara that it was for the best. That it was either you getting killed, or Tara herself. Tara tried listening, telling herself that it was for the better.

But there was just something about the way you laid there. The way the blood on your body was once used to fill your veins. The blood who once existed for your heart to pump.

Your heart, the most benevolent and thoughtful heart to ever exist. A heart that wouldn't hurt anyone, even if it was forced.

You weren't a killer. You didn't have a reason to kill. Except you did. She was the reason. Tara was the reason.

She had made you into a murderer. Tara was the reason for it.

#jenna ortega x reader #mabel x reader #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x reader #vada cavell x reader #wednesday addams x reader #ask

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kisseobie · 1 day

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could you do what o6 ideal girl is??💗 love your posts btw!!

p1harmony and their ideal girl

pairings: ot6 p1harmony x reader

warnings: none

a/n: ofc u can and thank u :] by the way, i didn’t specify any race, nationality, or ethnicity because as a woc myself i find it strange when people act like we’re a rare desire and only certain idols would be romantically attracted to someone who isn’t korean or east asian lol

✴︎ keeho

most p1eces would probably agree that kyo would naturally be attracted to a girl who exudes confidence in herself, but isn’t arrogant and simply knows her worth without making it everyones business. keeho, although a sweetheart that would be incredible at helping you fight your insecurities (which everyone has!), wouldn’t want to be someones personal life coach at every moment. craves a girl who has an independent lifestyle, loves to let loose once in a while, and isn’t intimidated by having an equally confident partner. being as naturally funny as him isn’t a requirement in my opinion (he of course wants to be the comedian of the relationship), and i actually think he would prefer someone with a personality like jiung’s, someone passionate, maybe a bit reserved, and focused on themselves! he would also loveeeee a girl who dresses nice and can do makeup well, shows skin sometimes and has her nails done a lot.. i think femininity would be really attractive to kyo <3

✴︎ theo

i think taeyang is looking for someone who can match his energy well, be a source of comfort for him when he’s particularly stressed/exhausted, and is confident in her own morality. he seems like the type of boy to be interested in a girl who sees the world in a deeper way than most care to, someone who can teach him life lessons and make him a better version of himself. very attracted to femininity as well, especially when it comes to silhouettes. a big fan of slip dresses and such! i think theo would also really like someone who’s a bit more emotionally mature than he is, and makes him feel like the youngest for once, because he often does feel the weight of being the oldest in his group. despite seeking maturity, he still wants his girlfriend to have a similar sense of humor. wants to have lots of laughs within his relationship!

✴︎ jiung

the most likely member to fall for a lovely lady who mirrors his own personality! jiung is the epitome of hard work and passion, and i really do think he would seek out the same qualities in a lover. not a big fan of someone who would constantly need to be coddled, i think along with keeho, he is really attracted to independence and wants a partner that can handle balance between love and work! needs someone who knows that although his love for you is unwavering, there are other responsibilities and priorities that will often take up his time. i can see jiung swooning for a girl who is very kindhearted and soft spoken <3 being the one in the group who isn’t too fond of physical contact, any girl that shows her love with words of affirmation and acts of service is a winner of his heart! is obsessed with the idea of receiving hand-written poems of love from his girl, and also secretly likes a bit of a height difference, whereas i think the rest of the members wouldn’t really care abt that hehe

✴︎ intak

tak would loveee a confident girl who almost plays into the “hard to get” trope, as cliche as it sounds. he’s a big baby but is also the type to let intrigue walk him like a dog, therefore he’s probably the only member that would “chase” a girl until she finally opens her heart to him (and she eventually would, because honestly, who can resist him?). i think he’s the one who i would say has a combined tastes of all of the members. he’s very sensitive despite his light hearted nature, so i think he would value someone who can be in tune with his emotions and doesn’t shame him for it (kind of like soulie!). i think he would also really enjoy a fashionable gal who matches his own aesthetic, very slick with dark color palettes and silver jewelry! i think some canker sore girls might roll their eyes at this but i honestly think he would really be attracted to someone who models or does some type of work in the fashion world, not for superficial reasons, but because he enjoys that sorta thing!

✴︎ soul

i don’t think that shota has too specific of a preference for personality types, and it doesn’t really make a difference to him if you’re incredibly outgoing or very shy. he honestly just wants a partner that can silently understand him in a way most people can’t, someone who isn’t judgmental and just perceives who he is as something normal, something lovable. as long as that mutual understanding and trust is present, he’s not the picky type, in terms of personality, looks, style, hobbies, etc..! if he had to choose though, i think he’d want to be with someone who can bring him out of his shell when needed, not forcibly of course, but someone with just a general confident and friendly aura would inspire him to attempt to match your energy. (this is obviously very keeho inspired, since soul has always mentioned how comfortable he is with him, i think he would fit really well and be very happy with a girl who has similar vibes as kyo!). but like i said, the only thing that really matters to him is mutual understanding :3

✴︎ jongseob

for seob, since he really enjoys a lot of side hobbies such as photography and skating, i think his main attraction would be towards a gal with a consistent hobby, definitely more on the artsy side! like keeho, i think he would also be really attracted to someone who enjoys fashion and isn’t afraid to dress how she wants to! not too adamant on his lover having a set style, actually really appreciates someone who tries out different styles and surprises him everyday with a new look! would prefer to date a girl who isn’t camera shy, as photography is one of his favorite things and he would obviously want his girl to be his muse and personal model <333 doesn’t like being babied and treated like a kid, so an age gap (2 years or more) isn’t really in his line of sight .. would rather date a girl in the same grade as him or born in the same year!!! i think he’d also be the type to really enjoy banter in a relationship, that type of dynamic is really fun to him :DD

taglist: @woozixo @hearts4chanhee @kyokopi @astro-doll-the-star @soobiary @kyaaramello @t3ssamoodboard @angelcbf @idontknow-1s-world @vivienne-sim @elissasimp @imjustayapper @ihatewreckingballmains @sosaverse @seobing @www90kitsch @khfviq @barbiekh86t @bbyjjunie @taeyangi @fullsunstrawberry @jihnyah @intheemptymirror @watamotee33 @dreamer1299 @jixnnsie @wonootnoot @yukx-x047 @sundancearchives @chuuswifereal @seisyiss @fishsquishh @sunnyyangie

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birchleavesdawn · 1 day

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Icy Improprieties

Kamimoto Kotone x M!Reader 2.5k Words Public ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Gangneung Ice Arena

"I guess this is the place."

Today you made the trip all the way to Gangneung to meet up with your girlfriend Kotone, who had invited you to come watch Jiwoo's hockey game. It was a long way, but you had never been to Gangneung, nor attended a hockey game, so you figured it might be an interesting experience.

You approached the heavy steel doors at the front, using your weight to pull one open. You were greeted with a chilling blast of cold air. Kotone had warned you to dress warmly, but you were wondering if the sweater you had picked out would be enough.

The inside of the building was intimidatingly large, it somehow looked twice as big on the inside as it did outside, and with a surprising amount of people going about their business. You walked up the ramp towards the rink and had a look around from behind the glass that separated the ice from the fans, probably there to prevent people from getting hit with the puck. You scanned the stands for a minute before spotting Kotone directly on the other side of the arena, also standing down by the glass. You guessed she must have come in from the other door. She spotted you and waved excitedly. You made eye contact and smiled, waving back, before finding your way over to where she was standing.

"Ah, I'm so glad you could make it!" She exclaimed. "It's gonna be really fun, I promise."

"This is already pretty cool. You're gonna have to help me out though, I have no idea how hockey works."

She laughed. "I don't know all the ins and outs either, but Jiwoo explained the basics of it last time I was here and its pretty simple to follow... wait why are you looking at me like that?" She blushed when she noticed you staring at her while grinning ear to ear.

"Sorry you just look so adorable in that enormous coat. I can't help it."

She smiled and smacked your arm playfully. "Where's your coat? Didn't I tell you to dress warmly? I don't think that's going to cut it."

"Yea I guess I underestimated how cold it was actually going to be."

She unzipped her coat and held out her arms.

"Get in here, we'll share."

You happily obliged and slipped into the giant coat along with her, wrapping your arms around her back and hugging her close.

"Ah, this is great." You commented, resting your chin on the top of her head.

"I know, it's like a personal heater."

"No, I mean because I get to hug you. But also because I can do this and no one will notice."

You lowered your hands to her butt and cupped a cheek in each, giving them a firm squeeze.

She yelped. "What are you doing? Do you see how many people are around?!"

"Relax, they can't tell. No one's gonna know." You began kneading and groping the soft flesh through her sweatpants.

"H-Hey stop that, someone's going to see us."

You ignored her pleas and whispered into her ear.

"You have such a nice butt Kotone. I have no choice but to take advantage of the situation."

She giggled and buried her face, which was now beat red, in your chest. "You're an idiot."

"Oh look, it's starting, so everyone will be completely focused on the game now."

You continued your exploration of her body, reaching down the back of her sweatpants and panties to touch her directly. She stiffened and you felt her breath hitch.

"Mmm. What happened to "we can't do this"? Aren't you still worried about people seeing? You teased.

She didn't respond, instead she reached her hands around your back and gripped your sweater, pulling you as close to her as possible. Her head was still resting against your chest, with her face pointed towards to ice to make it look like she was actually watching. You continued to feel her up, now sliding a finger into her.

She moaned quietly. "I hate you."

"Don't worry, you'll get your turn to tease me. But right now it's my turn." You continued pumping the digit in and out of her backside, eliciting quiet moans and gasps. You added a second, causing her grip on your sweater to tighten and her breath to become heavier.

"I hope I'm not making it too difficult for you to follow the game." You said, slowly working one hand around to the front of her pants.

"You're the worst." She managed, through ragged breaths.

"And yet you still love me."

You found your way into the front of her panties, quickly locating her clit, already engorged and begging for attention.

"Oh my god..." She groaned, biting down on your sweater.

"Come on now, you need to keep your focus on the game if you don't want anyone to notice. The players are doing their best, it's rude not to watch." You said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Kotone was at a loss for words, the pleasure and embarrassment of being fingered in a crowded public place was quickly getting the better of her. The two fingers working at her backside had her legs trembling, while the deft fingers working away at her clit were threatening to cause her knees to give out.

You decided to pick up the pace a bit.

"Ah! F-Fuck..."

"Language Kotone." You warned, as you worked her closer to climax.

"I-I can't..."

"Shhh, be a good girl and stay quiet." You whispered.

She was panting now, her grip on your sweater turning her knuckles white. You could feel her whole body begin to shake as she was on the verge of orgasm.

"Just let it go, baby. Cum for me."

Her breath caught in her throat, her body went rigid, and her legs quivered as her climax washed over her. Her body slumped forward into yours as she tried to stifle the loud moan she let out, the only thing preventing her from collapsing was your tight grip on her.

You pulled your hands from her sweatpants and held her as the aftershocks of her orgasm subsided. She eventually managed to collect herself and stood up, looking up at you, still blushing madly.

"Come with me." She said between breaths. She released you from her embrace and took hold of your hand, leading you away from the rink.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere private."

She led you to the bathroom, which thankfully was empty.

"Alright, I believe it's my turn now." She stated, pushing you backwards into the stall and locking the door behind her.

"What are you-"

"Shhhh. Just let it happen."

She reached up and pulled your head down, connecting her lips with yours in a passionate kiss.

You reciprocated, opening your mouth to allow her tongue access, which she took eagerly.

You felt her hands leave the sides of your face and drop to your waist, tugging at the hem of your sweater. She broke the kiss, leaving a strand of saliva hanging between you, and helped pull the sweater up and over your head. She hung it on the hook fastened to the back of the stall door and returned her lips to yours, her hands running over your exposed abdomen.

She kissed a trail from your mouth down to your neck, stopping to suck and nip at your sensitive skin. You ran a hand through her hair and let out a soft sigh, letting her know that you were enjoying yourself. She smiled against your neck, continuing down, until she reached the waistband of your pants. She knelt in front of you, dragging her tongue across your stomach.

"Kotone, what if someone comes in?"

"Please don't pretend like getting caught actually bothers you. I think we're way passed that." She replied, reaching for the button on your pants. She undid it, before tugging your pants and boxers down, allowing your rock hard cock to spring free.

"You've made quite a mess, haven't you?" She said, eyeing the precum that had accumulated on the head. She reached out and took it in her hand, spreading the sticky substance down your length. You let out a moan.

"Looks like you've enjoyed that almost as much as I did."

You looked down at her, your cheeks flushed, as she stroked you, before leaning in and pressing her tongue to the base of your shaft. She dragged her tongue up the entire length, causing you to shiver.

She swirled her tongue around the head, then opened her mouth and enveloped the tip, before taking you deeper. You reached out and took hold of her ponytail, guiding her, as she worked your shaft.

"As cute as you were in that coat, you look even more adorable with my dick in your mouth."

She looked up at you, your dick still in her mouth, and winked.

"Mmmm. You're such a good girl, Kotone. Your mouth feels amazing."

She moaned around your cock, the vibrations sending waves of pleasure throughout your body.

She continued bobbing her head up and down, taking more and more of you in her mouth each time, until you hit the back of her throat. She pulled back, sucking hard and using her tongue to massage the underside.

You were getting close, you could feel the pressure building, as you gripped her hair tighter and pulled her deeper onto your cock.

"Fuck, Kotone, I'm close."

She picked up the pace, using one hand to stroke the base of your cock, while the other went down the front of her pants, rubbing her own pussy.

You groaned and held her head in place, as you shot a thick rope of cum down her throat, which she greedily swallowed. She pulled back and gasped for air, stroking your twitching member, coaxing out the rest, and catching it on her tongue.

You leaned back against the toilet and closed your eyes, trying to catch your breath.

Kotone stood up and removed her hand from her pants, shoving her fingers into your mouth.

You loved the way she tastes. You sucked her fingers clean, moaning as you did so.

"Mmm. Good boy." She said, withdrawing her fingers from your mouth.

She began removing her own clothes, kicking her shoes off, pulling her shirt and bra over her head, and pushing her sweatpants and panties down.

She hung her top and pants on the hook with your sweater, then put her panties over your face.

"Hold these for me, okay?"

You nodded and complied, savoring your favorite scent.

She leaned against the stall door, bracing her arms against it.

No words needed, you understood your instructions. You moved behind her, and grabbed her hips. She let out a quiet moan as you pressed your still erect cock against her ass.

"Come on, give it to me."

You rubbed your shaft along her a lips a few times, coating yourself in her juices. You aligned your tip with her slit, and pushed inside.

"Fuck yes."

You both let out a moan, as you hilted yourself in her, filling her completely.

You took a second to relish in the feeling, before beginning to thrust.

You built up a rhythm, pulling her back to meet each of your thrusts. She braced her hands on the door, biting her lip and moaning, as your cock slammed into her over and over again.

You reached around her and cupped her breast, kneading the soft flesh. She let out a squeak when you pinched her nipple.

You leaned down and bit her earlobe.

"You look so sexy from behind, especially when I'm completely buried in your tight pussy."

You sped up, causing her to gasp, as your member pounded into her, the sound of flesh slapping flesh filled the room. Someone had almost certainly noticed what you were doing by now, but she was right, you really didn't care. It didn't seem like she cared anymore either.

She suddenly spun around and pushed you back down onto the toilet seat.

"I want you to look me in the eye when you fuck me."

She climbed on top of you, and lowered herself onto your dick, both of you moaning loudly as she did so.

She began to ride you, bouncing up and down on your lap. She wrapped her arms around your head and pulled you into her chest. You took one of her nipples in your mouth, causing an echoing moan to escape her lips.

"You're doing so good. Fuck me just like that, baby."

You could tell she was getting close, so you reached between the two of you and rubbed her clit. She gasped, and buried her face in the crook of your neck, moaning into it, as her climax quickly approached.

"Don't stop, I'm almost there."

She ground her hips down against yours, your dick hitting her in the perfect spot. She was panting heavily now, her walls clenching and squeezing your cock.

"I'm cumming."

With one final thrust, she screamed out in pleasure, her body shaking, as her orgasm ripped through her. She came all over your cock, the tightness and warmth too much for you to bear.

You moaned, as you blew your second load deep inside her, coating her insides.

The two of you sat there for a minute, breathing heavily. She leaned back and looked at you.

"So... worth the trip?"

"I'll be attending all of her games from now on."

Kotone giggled. "Speaking of Jiwoo, we should get back out there before she notices we're gone.

You both quickly redressed, Kotone retrieving her panties from you, and slipping them on.

"This did work by the way, I'm not cold anymore."

Kotone rolled her eyes.

You exited the bathroom holding hands once again. A couple of older woman who were stood not too far outside the door shot you some weird looks, but otherwise it didn't seem like too many people had any idea what had just transpired.

You returned to your spot by the glass just in time to hear the final horn sound.

"Looks like it's over." Kotone remarked. "Alright well now we go down over there and wait for Jiwoo to get changed and come out to meet us."

You followed her one more time down to the waiting area. You weren't there more than a couple minutes before Jiwoo came out and greeted you.

"Kotone are you alright? Are you sick? I saw you in the beginning and it looked like there was something wrong, then you guys disappeared and I never saw you again for the rest of the game!"

"Sorry yea, I wasn't feeling well for a while but I'm fine now. Sorry we missed your game."

"I'm going to join Kotone here for your next game too to make up for today." You added

You and Kotone shared a look.

"Sounds good, I'm happy to see you're doing better, Kotone."

#triples smut #kotone smut #kpop smut

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vex91 · 15 hours

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Baek Harin - Heaven in hell

Pairing: Baek Harin x Female Reader

Fandom: Pyramid Game

Requested by: Anonymous

Request: im new here and Lokey in love with ur writing could I ask for harin x reader but the reader is grade F and harin just be crazy ASF like I'm talking girlie is threating you with your life and shit lmao (smut I'm begging also G!p harin if you're comfortable)

🛌I'll use this emoji every time I'm post an anon just so you know who's at the crime scene

Summary: Grade F was the worst thing that could happen to you... or so you thought, until you met the worst nightmare imaginable in person.

Warning(s): Smut, 18+ content, G!P Harin, Cursing, Smoking, Unprotected sex, Mentions of burning skin with a cigarette etc.

A/N: If a psycho then why hot? Thanks for requesting <3

3rd's POV

The sound of a whistle made your blood run cold, you instinctively looked at Suji who immediately got closer to you in order to help you if things went south. Looking to the side you saw Dayeon walking over to you smirking with every step, you started imagining everything she could do to you despite the whole class being there and watching.

"Unfortunately I'm not the one in charge of having fun with you. Harin is calling for you, if I were you I would hurry there, she doesn't seem too happy"

You weren't sure if you won lottery or lost it because as much as you were happy that Dayeon left you alone, you weren't too keen on seeing Harin. Suji noticed that when she pulled you to herself "You don't have to go Y/N or I can go with you" You appreciated how much Suji worried about you as your best friend, she hated that you were in grade F because it gave Harin a free pass of harassing you and she already was all weird with you before.

"It's okay, I'll be back" You squeezed her hand reassuringly and left the class, Dayeon's laugh at the back sending shivers down your spine.

Harin was waiting for you in an empty classroom that no one ever uses - one of her bright ideas as she wanted to have a space where she could played with her favorite toy in peace without any interruptions. The moment you walked in a strong smell of cigarettes hit you. Harin's eyes immediately wandered over your whole figure before she gestured you over. Not wanting to argue you did as she told you.

"I wondered why you took so long" She said as her free hand went to your hip "Now we will probably miss class because you're so slow" Dayeon was right about her being in a bad mood, the tension in the room felt suffocating as she put the cigarette she held near your mouth "Are you also gonna irritate me like the rest of these fools?" You quickly shook your head at her question, too scared to say anything bad.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Her eyes bored into yours as she waited for your move. You slowly opened your mouth and let her put the cigarette as you took a drag from it. She took it back with a satisfied grin and watched you exhale the smoke, coughing. Harin's grin only widened as her hand started lowering to your thighs, massaging them "I knew you were better than everyone else in this class, you're way more fun to be around" You gasped loudly when you felt her cigarette making contact with your skin, she quickly covered your mouth as she repeated the action on your thigh, burning another part of your skin.

She smiled at the way you struggled against her in pain before she dropped the now extinguished cigarette to the trash. She looked at you innocently as she said "I love when people are competent, are you?" You could only nod with glossy eyes because what else you could do? If you won't do what she says, she could make your life a living hell, even more than now.

"Quiet huh? Well you're right, it's better if you use your mouth for better use anyways" She pushed you down in front of her and freed her cock from her boxers. She looked down at you, putting her dick near your mouth and smearing it against your closed lips "Come on, you know what will happen if you start misbehaving. You're lucky you never saw me really angry before" You hated how calm she sounded while saying all of that to you. Finally having enough waiting she pushed it in your mouth, forcing you to suck it.

Her hand forcefully pushed your head up and down, causing you to not being able to keep up with her thrust but you quickly managed to start sucking her on your own. Your tongue licked all around her cock as she kept your head bopping on her. The silence in the room kept being interrupted with the sound of her groans and curses under her breath. She finally came with a particularly hard thrust and forced you down more to swallow all of it, nearly choking you but Harin didn't care, why would she anyways?

"See? You can do something useful when you want to" You mentally scoffed at it, as if she didn't forced you down on her cock the whole time. Before you could even say anything back to her, she changed your positions, she pushed you up and sat you down on the desk while she got in front of you, already pulling your panties off. She dragged her finger against your clit, smirking at how wet you were "You look so sad but deep down you're just as fucked up as I am because you clearly like it with how wet you are, so wet that I don't even need to prepare you to take me well" Harin laughed mockingly at you as she slapped your clit with her cock a few times before pushing in harshly making you gasp loudly again. Her hand quickly covered your mouth.

"You really want someone to walk in and see us like that? You're really fucked in the head and so fun" She laughed again before pulling out her phone and starting recording her dick going in and out of you "Since you're so dirty, I'll record everything well for you" Harin's hand squeezed your boob through the fabric of your shirt as she continued thrusting into you mercilessly, the sound of skin slapping resonated throughout the room as she fucked you roughly.

You hated how much you actually enjoyed her cock, you felt embarrassed of yourself for liking the way she treated you despite also wanting to get away from her. Maybe the fact that you can't run away from Harin and her twisted desires made you enjoy it, you weren't sure but you felt ashamed of your body for meeting her every thrust.

"I'm gonna cum in you and you're gonna take it all like a good girl, I know you want me to anyways, you're a slut for my cum after all" She whispered in your ear as she covered your mouth again, her thrusts became faster as she soon released all her seed into you, forcing you to stay close to her in case you wanted to pull away.

You wouldn't anyway because you knew that you had to let Harin do anything she wanted with you and you couldn't stop it. That was your life after all.

#vex writes #🛌 anon #pyramid game x reader #pyramid game reactions #baek harin x reader #baek harin #baek harin smut #pyramid game smut #smut

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mangowafflesss · 10 hours

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PART 3 TO THE EX WIFE

This is the final part, I hate this but whatever I don't care :) Love to everyone who read this <3

Part 1 , Part 2

It had been a couple of days since you had kicked out John and his bitch of an ex. It was peaceful but very quiet. There was more room for your mind to start spiralling into thoughts, so you either had music playing through your speakers or the tv on throughout the day, just to make it seem like someone was here with you in the house.

You had the locks changed and also blocked all contact with him, yes it was hard but you believed it to be the best thing to do. No more temptation to let him back into your heart. He hurt you and now you had to heal from the wounds.

However, John wasn’t giving up on you that easily. He would show up to your house daily, knocking, wanting for you to listen to him. But why should you? He wouldn't listen to you, no matter how many times you expressed how much you wanted him to get rid of his ex.

Today was Saturday. You were fresh out of the shower and heard repeated knocking on your front door. Choosing to ignore it, you did your usual routine before the knocking reached a point where your eye was borderline twitching.

With a huff, you turned on your heel and charged through the house. When you got closer to the door, the louder the thumping got. “Fuck off John!” you yelled but the sound was relentless.

Unlocking the door, you twisted the handle and yanked it open “Will you stop before you break down my damn door” you say but when the person on the other side isn’t John, your angry temper fizzles a little but not much.

“John’s not here” you go to shut the door but his arm stops you and you roll your eyes before opening it again.

“Where is he?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care” you say with a shrug and watch as he looks past you and into your house. “I’m being serious Simon. His car isn’t even here” you point to the empty spot next to your car on the drive and feel your lip quiver for a second.

No. You were done crying for him.

“Did something happen?” he asks and you cross your arms over your chest “As if you don’t already know. You’re probably one of the first people he would’ve told. Is that why you’re here? He gave up begging so he sent one of his men to do it for him” you scoff while he stands there looking confused. You don’t think you ever seen such emotion on him.

“I haven’t heard from him in a week. I have no idea what’s going on” he says truthfully and you’re shocked.

“Really?” He nods his head and you believe him. “Why don’t you tell me about it? Whatever it is sounds like he’s in the wrong” you contemplate it for a while before stepping to the side and letting him inside of your home.

A couple of weeks later, Simon had been coming over a lot more. He expressed his hatred for what John did to you. You were confused at first, he was the closest thing Simon had to a family. They were friends, comrades. It was strange at first, but you were glad to have someone on your side, telling you how much John had fucked up.

One night, you were laying on the sofa and stretched out your legs. They landed in Simon's lap and you had apologised before pulling them back to your recent position, but Simon had grabbed your legs and put them back into his lap mumbling something like “You’ll get cramp” but the way his fingers brushed against the skin of your calves made a fire inside you ignite. Maybe it was from the lack of touch from someone but it was all you could think about the entire night until he left to go back home.

When he returned to your house a couple days after, you kissed him. It was a rushed decision but the way he kissed you back made you realise that he wanted this as much as you.

From there on out, your relationship got more physical. You would grab him as soon as he walked through the door. Him scooping you up into his arms, dropping the things in his hands to the ground in the process.

A month and a half later, you were in bed. Legs spread with a head settled in between them. Your hands gripped onto his dirty blonde strands as he ran his tongue up your sopping cunt. “Fuck Si-” you moaned as he sucked on your clit making you buck your hips and push his head further down onto you. You felt as if you were in heaven, floating on a cloud as he devoured you.

Well you were in heaven until you heard knocking at the door. That fucking door will be the death of you.

“Ignore it” Simon grunts before pushing two thick digits into you, making you hum and forget about anything for the moment.

The doorbell started to ring and you huffed angrily. “It's him” you groaned while covering your face with your hands but Simon continued to swirl his tongue, happily lapping you up.

You weren't going to be able to come like this. “Simon stop” you say regretfully and he pulls his fingers from you making you whine at the loss of them.

You had to deal with this or else you’ll never do it. Sighing, you get up off the bed and put on your robe. Before leaving the haven of your room, you press a kiss to Simon's lips “We’ll continue this when I get back” you feel him smile against your lips before slapping your ass and falling onto his back on the mattress.

You pick up the documents on the kitchen counter and walk to the front door where John stands. He looked rough but you didn’t care as you shoved the envelope at him.

“Make sure you sign them John”

He held them in his hand and looked up at you with sorrowful eyes. “Sweetheart, is there anything I can do to save this. Please”

“No John, I never will listen to anything you have to say ever again” your voice had no emotion in it, you were done. Finally done.

You heard footsteps behind you and felt a kiss was placed on the top of your head. John looked shocked at the sight of Simon but nodded to himself “I’ll sign them” he sounded broken and you felt a sense of relief.

Before he left, he looked to Simon and spoke once more “Look after her will you?” you felt Simon pull you softly backwards and stood in the doorway blocking you from view. “I’ll do a lot more than you ever have” is all he says before slamming the door and locking it.

He turns around with a smile decorating his face and mischievous glint in his eye. “Now that's dealt with. Where were we?” you grin before sprinting back into the bedroom to continue what was so rudely interrupted.

Tags: @knightofsexyness, @sleepyoriana @odettecigno @thigh-o-saur @blackhawkfanatic @hotvinimon @ghostlypatrolstranger, @nadinesabre, @v1x3n, @dakotapaigelove, @butchers-girl, @mayadarlings <3 <3

#captain john price x reader #price x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #call of duty

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winstonsns · 2 days

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dallas winston dating hcs (requested by @cranberrv)

authors note: go check out her blog!! she posts outsider related things too and they’re very fun to read :3 i was answering the ask then accidentally posted it, ended up deleting it so that’s why it doesn’t show the actual ask. sorry about that and not posting yesterday! anyways, enjoy 💗

word count: 0.9k

warnings: cussing, smoking, slightly suggestive parts, wounds, fighting

probably obvious but he protects you with his life

this isn’t necessarily a dating headcannon, but he’s brutally honest so if you ask him something he’ll always tell the truth, unless it’s to run away from the cops or something

whenever he gets arrested for something, you always bail him out since you’re his emergency contact

after he gets into a fight and has wounds, you always patch him up even if he doesn’t want you to

he actually appreciates it a lot and sees it as a very intimate situation since he’s vulnerable at the moment

he’ll also steal random shit for you, you scold him but love how he’s thoughtful enough to get you those things

he’ll smoke sometimes but tries not to as much when he’s around you, he knows you hate the smell and the smoke in general

once, you got him a few presents since the two of you were dating for a year and one of the presents was a bracelet

you made it for him and you had a matching one, he scoffed but thanked you anyways

it seemed like he didn’t care, that he thought it was stupid, but he wore it every day forward and thought it was the cutest thing ever

it always reminds him of you, so when he gets arrested and has to stay for a bit, he has a part of you with him

a lot of late night drives since he has trouble sleeping, normally goes to bed around 1-3 in the morning, sometimes later

he’ll randomly call you and ask, “hey doll, wanna go for a drive? i can pick you up..” talking quietly since you probably got woken up

you’d complain for a bit before getting up and dressed, he’s already on his way to your house

the two of you would be quiet on the drive, he’d park somewhere random since you suggested the two of you could look at the stars

he didn’t think much of the stars, nor the moon, but when he saw you looking up with interest, he could only keep his eyes on you

normally has an arm around your shoulder in a protective gesture, when you’re walking down the streets and he’s smiling, laughing and talking to you

he knows he’s in deep shit when you just call him ‘dallas’ and don’t say anything else

then he figures out you just wanted him to try the cupcakes you made

speaking of baking, he’s the guinea pig and is always trying out sweets you make

he’ll tell you if something tastes off or if something tastes amazing, but will normally eat it even if it doesn’t taste the best

he just loves it when you put your head on his chest, trying to sleep while he thinks about how lucky he is to have you :3

you get all blushy when he’s shirtless and he teases you about it constantly

he just loves seeing you get flustered seeing him literally do nothing

he’ll compliment and thank you you whether it’s about your looks, outfit, something you did for him, etc

you’ll wear an outfit he likes and he’ll compliment you, mumbling, “your outfit looks real nice today, doll” while putting his hands on your hips, kissing your neck

if you’re cold and in public then tell him, he asks “baby, why didn’t you bring your jacket?” but gives you his jacket anyway

if someone’s hitting on you, he goes behind you and kisses your cheek, saying “hey doll… oh, who’s this?” and when you look back at the person he stares them down

if you’re cooking or baking, something like that, he’ll go up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist

sometimes he’ll randomly start kissing you, then it turns to making out

occasionally, he’ll actually pay for food when the two of you go out to eat

he’ll share food with you if you’re hungry, not before rolling his eyes though

he’s actually more than willing to give you food

when he’s genuinely concerned about you, he’ll look at you with the cutest eyes ever, pulls you into his chest and kisses your forehead, telling you it’ll be alright

when he’s bored or just wants to see you, he’ll walk to your house if it’s not that far away

then he’ll climb up to the second floor, where your room is and tap on your window

sometimes he’ll sleep over and curl up into your side

your heartbeat calms him down but he would never tell anyone that

when you’re sad or upset about something, he doesn’t really know how to comfort you besides telling you you’re amazing and perfect, rubbing your back and giving you reassuring kisses

then he’ll take you out to a fast food place or restaurant

if the two of you eat sour patch kids, he says he hates the blue ones and they taste like shit, he’ll give them to you even though he actually likes it

authors note: sorry this was short! i hope it wasn’t too basic 💗

#dallas winston x reader #dally winston #the outsiders dally #dallas winston #dally x reader #dallas x reader #the outsiders x reader #the outsiders #winstonsns #send asks #request #reqs open #fem reader #x reader #headcannons #hcs

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nthspecialll · 24 hours

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Dutch Van Der Linde as the saviour and his early crime life.

Dutch Van Der Linde and his early life beyond the fact that his father died in the war and he ran away from his mother at the age of 15 is a mystery to us as players, however due to the fact he prefered a life of petty crime we assume that his mother was a terrible person, something that might not be true.

Unlike the majority of the gang Dutch does not have evidence of a terrible childhood, he was not orphaned, he was not fleeing from the government, he did not fear for his life and we cannot say that his mother was abusive, almost quite the contrary.

In Dutch's own words, he ran away because he and his mother "did not see eye to eye," and while this can indicate abuse the fact he follows up with "I was not always an obedient child" very much makes it seem like it was his own fault. He continues to talk about how they both loved one another in their own ways, meaning he ran away not because he had to but because he wanted to, especially as the reasons he was "not an obedient child" could very well be because he was young and rebellious.

What makes this even worse is that Dutch mentions having had a price on his head for fifteen years while he actually has been on the run for 29 as he is 44, this means for 14 years he committed crimes, did not have a price on his head, and had the choice to turn back to a "regular life." Now he might just have said 15 as a "about this many years but not the exact" but you don't get it wrong by 14 years.

Dutch mentions that he did not know that his mother was burried in Blackwater but was only told a few years later by an uncle. His mother died in 1881 (her grave can be found), he met Hosea in 1876, met Arthur in 1877 and had been on the run since 1870, meaning he was still in contact with his family at least in 1884, seven years after meeting Arthur.

Milton talks about Dutch being a Messiah, a savior for the people, and Dutch keeps saying "we" this and "we" that but the truth is he is nothing like them, Dutch chose his situation and had many chances to turn back but didn't, while the others in one way or another was forced into it. He also has many advantages, such as being in contact with his family, something which a character like Javier is forced not to and we only see one other character cannonically do, Pearson. Not only that but Dutch often reinforce his role as a boss by having his own tent, having expensive clothing, telling Molly that she doesn't need to work for the mere fact that she is his girl. He does not need to do this, everyone is already loyal to him, yet he does it for nothing more than to serve his own ego.

Now some would say he ran away to make a better world, but there is something wrong with that theory.

Dutch's favorite author is Evelyn Miller who is based on the real romantic/transcendentalist writer Henry David Thoreau. Romanticism is a philosophy that dislikes the wealthy and the industrialization and wants people to embrace a more "authentic" life, which is why Thoreau as a more wealthy man wanted to do an experiment for two years where he moved into a cabin. He wanted to, for the experience of it, live in the woods, such as Dutch did not run away from his possible rich life because he needed to but for the experience of it.

Dutch did not spoil his chance at a normal life for love, he didn't spoil it for "a better world," he didn't spoil it for necessity, he spoiled it for fun, for the experience.

Imagine being Javier, hearing the man who claimed to understand you, say that he still is in touch with his family while you don't know if your sister is even alive. Imagine being Arthur, hearing the man who claimed to understand you, say that he chose a life of crime as an experience while you were forced into it to survive and now hate yourself for it. Imagine being Charles, hearing the man who claimed to understand you, say he chose to hurt for fun while you wish you had another way.

Based on conversations I had with @werewolfarthurmorganenjoyer and @heavenlymorals.

#rdr2 #rdr2 community #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 arthur #john marston #rdr john #dutch van der linde #red dead redemption community #rdr2 john #rdr2 javier #javier escuella #red dead redemption two #red dead fandom #simon pearson #rdr2 charles #charles smith #character analysis #rdr2 dutch

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thegoldencontracts · 2 days

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(Overlooked Aspects Of) Cater Diamond

Okay, so to start off, this post is not intended to judge anyone. All headcannons of Cater are completely valid, and I would not only not mind - but also actively appreciate - if someone wanted to make corrections or arguments in reblogs or comments. This is just an analysis of parts of Cater that I believe are not given much focus, and would therefore like to highlight. With that being said:

Cater Diamond is a very complex character beneath the surface of a friendly, Magicam-obsessed senior. Definitely more to him than meets the eye. There's obviously the fact that he's certainly not as happy as he claims to be, but less frequently mentioned is the reason why.

Cater's Lab Vignette introduces this aspect of Cater's character, with the storyline of him making mandrakes with Lilia and Vil. The mandrakes are said to reflect the traits of the person infusing magic into it, and Cater's-

Vil: Oh, dear... This mandrake's hugging its knees and huddling in place.

Cater's also mentioned to make a bunch of mandrakes and hide the ones that don't fit the happy 'Cay-Cay' image. In a way, this is also an analogy for himself, hiding the parts of himself that don't seem perfectly upbeat from others.

Now, why exactly does he behave this way? The most common answer is usually that his sisters forced him to conform to their standards of cuteness, and that in pleasing them, he developed his current facades of a perfectly cute and happy senior. And although his sisters likely did play a part in it, there's also another reason for the distance he puts between himself and others.

In Cater's Halloween Vignette, he mentions the following:

Cater: I guess I have a wide circle of contacts, sure. My dad works at a bank that has branches all around the world, so every time he was transferred to a new office, the whole family went with him. We moved about once every two years. I'm a real pro at packing by now, lemme tell you. ... Cater: But for all the people I met, one thing never changed( ...) I would always leave, and they would always stay. That's why I always tried to be on good terms with everyone, rather than forge strong bonds with a chosen few. Like a circus performer who has a grand old time with people from around the world, and then packs up and moves on. In that sense, Magicam's been seriously great because I can get messages from people I knew at school three years ago. I can have all the casual connections I can handle. And that's just my speed, right?

Essentially: Cater's moved so often that he's adapted to forming shallow connections with everyone he can rather than actually trying to bond with him. He wants casual connections, because that's what he can handle. He views people rather impersonally, because he knows that he'll have to leave them eventually.

And that's likely a major reason for the facade he puts up. He's afraid of being vulnerable. Of forming a bond with someone and getting attached, only to have to leave them behind eventually. "Cay-Cay" the agreeable senior is a tool to form these casual little connections and play nice without getting attached, so that, when he inevitably has to leave, he doesn't get his heart broken.

This also leads to and explains another aspect of Cater's character: His occasionally questionable morality.

Cater had frequently displayed a willingness to trick people into doing his bidding. Not evil, by any means, but still questionable. There's obviously his introduction in Book 1, where he straight-up tricks Ace and Deuce into doing his work for him, and there's also scenes like Jade mentioning he'd like to have Cater as an older brother, one of the reasons being-

Jade: ...His ability to collect and disseminate information on Magicam is mind-boggling.

Basically, Cater is willing to use other people to do his bidding, and part of this stems from the fact that he's always keeping them at an arms' distance. You know, nothing personal, bud, just how the world works.

Anyways, in short, a large part of Cater's facade is caused by a fear of vulnerability stemming from the lack of permanence in his life, and that also affects his willingness to use other people.

With that being said, one final thing. The fic that inspired me to put all these thoughts about Cater together into one post. Its take on Cater's family is super refreshing!

The Company's Quite Nice (On Crimson Nights Like These)

#twst analysis #cater diamond #twst cater #twisted wonderland

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grunckle · 2 days

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Some disjointed thoughts on the Void Sea and the subconcious

I really just wanted to write something quickly on this, it’s not so much a theory as it is just a small analysis on the general mood of the ending, with a little contextualizing with in game dialogue.

So the subconscious is such a mysterious yet integral part to understanding the more spiritual/alien parts of Rain World. This isn’t a world in which the eldritch and unknowable lurk in the far reaches of space, but rather appear through our own minds and subconscious.

Echos appear in dream like sequences, where all other life except scavengers (in vanilla) fall asleep.

Karma flowers allow us to contact imagined worlds, other selves, dreams, and memories.

Eating a neuron of an iterator allows us to perceive voidspawn.

Our karma is raised through the mark of communication, which is linked to the brain in some way judging by Five Pebbles’s slideshow.

And, beyond that, plenty of cerebral/brainy imagery and concepts are present.

“Cabinet beasts” (the organ-like worms found in Memory Crypts) are likely some sort or mutated brain tissue, I talk about it more in this post.

Void worms also have a neural texture that covers their skin.

There’s the cut brain tree, which made it back in the game (though pretty unceremoniously) in Downpour.

And then of course there’s iterators, massive brains that are the last long-standing remnant of the benefactors’ civilization, and serve as the main driving forces of the game’s side plot.

I bring all this up just to show how cerebral and subconscious elements are pretty prevalent throughout the game, and it provides some context to my thoughts on the Void Sea.

That being said, I think the Void Sea acts as a collective unconscious, a place where the many worlds and selves of the subconscious coalesce into one, dream-like existence.

Echos appear in dream-like sequences, but are still experienced by nearby scavs. They even have different personalities and reactions to it, some being curious, while others are afraid.

Continuing on this, benefactors experienced the same dreams we do in Subterranean, shown through white pearl dialogue.

“Oh, interesting. This is a diary entry of a pre-Iterator era laborer during the construction of the subterranean transit system south of here. In it they describe restless nights filled with disturbing dreams, where millions glowing stars move menacingly in the distance”

These go towards the idea of the Void Sea and other void related phenomena existing as a sort of collective unconsciousness, experienced through hazy dreams and hallucinogenic plants by many.

But then there’s the “egg” sequence, where you swim in unison with others just like yourself. I think these are the “selves of other planes” mentioned by Moon in the Karma Flower dialogue, and I think that same dialogue is indicative on what the nature of the Void is. It’s detaching yourself from your carnal body and coming in contact with your own subconscious, and possibly the subconscious of others. Think of it like a big mind soup.

Anyway this really resonated with me because I distinctly remember the feeling I had the first time I went through Depths. As the caves around me started melting, it felt like I was descending deeper and deeper into a dream I couldn’t wake up from. That packed with the genuine horror of seeing the worms, and the dreamy ending, it really left a lasting impression.

Halfway through writing this, I realized it’s a bit longer than I was initially expecting, but I hope I managed to convey the general vibe I got.

#rain world lore #rain world #rain world spoilers #videocult

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litnerdwrites · 3 days

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Did Jack Barlow Know? If so, who else knew and how?

Okay, so hear me out! We know this likely means that either Andarna is linked to this mysterious weapon. We don't know if means she knows where to find it/activate it, if she is the weapon, or if a rider that bonded her species of dragon was what wiped them out. Either way, it's safe to say that it all relates back to her in some way.

We also know that Jack Barlow was a Venin before he crossed the parapet, right? And in Kaori's classes, he was very interested in Tairn. Then, during Threshing, his number one goal was to kill Andarna (which isn't smart given where he was). Also, by the end of Iron Flame, he was somehow controlling Baide. Not, seemingly, dissimilar to how Varrash described influencing a dragon instead of allowing it to influence you.

His interest in Tairn is most likely because he wanted to bond a powerful dragon for the Venin to use, or for him to control. He wanted to influence Tairn the way he did Baide, maybe even syphon power from him, and by proxy, Sgaeyl.

He was also weirdly obsessed with Killing Andarna during Threshing, which, at the time, just could be attributed to arrogance, disrespectfulness and self-centredness, which was on brand for him. But now that we know what he is, and what he was doing all along, it's safe to say there could be other Venin in the wards.

There's so much speculation regarding Violet's potential Venin heritage, from either her mother or father's side. Lilith's rank and position means that she and Violet's dad had been close to the hatching grounds for a while. Violet's father specifically was researching Feathertails, and he died one or two years before the start of the book, when Violet was about 18. What else happened when Violet was 18? Andarna. She hatched when Violet was 18, possibly before her father even died.

Who's to say how many other Venin there are within the Wards. There are likely to even be a couple, like VIolet's dad, that were within a four hour flight radius to said wards. If Volet's dad felt Andarna hatch, then any other near by Venin could have too. Going back to his research for a moment, it's worth mentioning, how would he be able to study Feathertail effectively? The only way for there to be information about them in his research that isn't common knowledge, is either, a) he had access to very restricted texts (like the King's personal collection), which seems unlikely, or b) to have seen a feathertail.

If nothing else, I think Andarna knows something of the research he did. Perhaps he even met her for himself. When Varrish was questioning Violet about it, Tairn confirms that he doesn't know about it, but Andarna? The author makes a point to tell us that she went silent. Not that she wasn't there, or grew uninterested, or even went to sleep. She was there, she was listening, but she didn't respond.

By now, I think it's safe to say that she knows something. Throughout the books, Andarna drops hints to her secrets, without outright saying them, or lying about them. She prefers lying by omission, which, towards the end of the first book, Tairn points out to her, can be just as bad. It still seems to be her preferred method of secret keeping, though. Like how she's not like the other juveniles, or how she'd be the head of her own den, all indicating that she really isn't. She's a whole other species, and already the head of her own den.

I think Andarna knows something about the Venin, and about Violet's dad, in which case, it's possible he also knew, somehow, that Andarna would chose Violet. I'm not sure how likely that would be, and would depend on how much Andarna knows of this research.

However, I'm confident that she's the key to stopping the Venin in one form or the other. I also think that, somehow, the Venin knows this too. Either through Violet's dad, who may or may not have had contact with Andarna, or knew of her, at the very least, or through another Venin in Basgaith.

So, finally, going back to Jack Fucking Barlow, the root of this discussion, did he know about all of this? We know he was sent to destroy the wards, but was hellbent on killing Andarna during Threshing.

Powerful dragons can tell what a hatchlings colour will be, before they mature. Is it possible that powerful Venin can too? If there was a Venin near the wards, powerful enough, would they be able to tell as well? It's possible that a Venin inside the wards reported back to a higher rank, about Andarna's hatching, or that a Sage or General to learn about the dragon hatchlings through other Venin, or people like Violet's dad.

If they did, then they could Know what Andarna is. They'd know how she's different, how she's the key to stopping them, and perhaps even the key to their victory. Could it be that the Venin sent Jack to, not only destroy the wards, but to kill Andarna before she became a threat? If the higher ups amongst Venin didn't know, then did Jack figure it out on his own, and do it to earn The Sage's approval? Based on how desperate they are to capture Violet for The Sage, they seem pretty obsessed with proving themselves. Jack might have wanted to become a strong rider to gain the acknowledgment or promotion from The Sage, and later decided to kill Andarna while he was at it.

It's possible that that's the reason that The Sage wants Violet so badly. If you can't beat them, join them. Or have them join you by turning the love of their life into a monster, and using him to kidnap or manipulate them into joining your cause because they're the biggest threat to you and your kind. Perhaps they want her to manipulate Andarna the way Jack did with Baide or Varrish claimed to do with Solas, since it was Andarna, or her kind, that ended the war 600 years ago.

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spicymotte · 14 hours

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How fandom culture killed my creativity

hi. I have some thoughts about my time in a huge fandom and how it changed me:

First of all, I would like to say that these are my personal experiences in a large anime fandom. I have made very good friends with whom I am still in contact today - and I was exposed to a kind of brain rot that has changed the way I deal with art forever. However, this does not apply to every fandom/every person.

this - essay? - is way longer than I thought it would be. More under the cut:

In 2020, after a long break, I was able to get excited about One Piece again. Until then, I had always considered art important to me and I had never been able to do it professionally. (maybe someday...!)

The One Piece fandom is huge. There are now over 1000 manga chapters and anime episodes, which is gigantic; and the fandom itself is just as huge: millions of fans love this manga/anime and exchange ideas about it on the internet. I was previously very limited to tumblr, but then I ventured into OPtwt, the One Piece community on Twitter. There is a lot of fan art, fan fiction and small cliques that like the same character. There is something for everyone. It was great! I had a hyperfixation phase on OP before, in 2017. Now it came back - so violently that I realized very quickly that I could hardly think of anything else but One Piece.

Hyperfixations involve two major factors: an intense obsession with a character (or theme/media/whatever), which often brings with it a bottomless well of inspiration and motivation for artists – and a strange influence on brain chemistry. Neurodivergent people are prone to difficulties with the release of happiness and rewarding hormones anyway, and even though I am in no way qualified to make grand statements, as a person living with AuDHD, hyperfixations are both a blessing and a curse.

Often, the neurodivergent niches in the fandom communities are very lively. On extremely interactive social media like Twitter, TikTok and Instagram, you are flooded with posts of fan art, discussions and also escalation. It quickly becomes stressful for the brain to keep up with it - especially if you manage to accumulate a large number of followers. (also a blessing and a curse!)

I started posting fanart and OC x canon in 2020. I spent most of the last three years on Twitter and I have to say that it set me back in some ways. At first, I was slow to get to know people through fanart, but then I got to know people very quickly: fellow artists that I am still good friends with today and, unfortunately, people who have also succumbed to an incredible, destructive brainrot. I had chosen a character (or rather, my brain did) who plays almost no role in One Piece. All the better, so I pretty much had him to myself and I could do whatever I wanted. The OC x canon community is generally very friendly and respectful, so I found quite a few people who liked what I drew. Cool!

And then it started. With fanart and a small fan club for my OCs, I got more followers and more likes. More retweets and comments, more notifications. The algorithm started to like me and the growth increased steadily. My fandom (OP) account grew, as did my reach.

I checked Twitter more and more. Every free second I took my smartphone in my hand and checked my notifications. I reloaded the page until I had a new notification. I repeated this on Instagram and tumblr. Sometimes I catch myself doing it today, even though I haven't been active in this fandom for over a year!

Likes were good, retweets better. Every notification of an interaction with my art was a push on the feel-good button in my brain. It's very addictive, even if I talked myself out of it at first. The pandemic was at its peak and the internet was the only way to meet friends anyway. All this shit was fast food for my brain.

Then I started drawing fanarts, even though I didn't feel like it. But the likes had to come from somewhere, didn't they? I drew favorites from manga, characters that I didn't even like that much myself. But they were popular, so that promised likes and reach! Every single day, really every day, I drew fanarts. I was disappointed with myself if I didn't.

As of today, my two One Piece art folders have 80GB of data in it! what the fuck!! That's not normal!

I learned a lot during that time and was able to develop my art. I was able to participate in projects, to draw for several zines and also had a lot of fun – but I treated it like a job. Making fan art your job is very difficult – and has a lot of consequences. If you run a merch shop (as I did for a short time), you always have to follow the hype and draw what's in style. You switch fandoms because the hype has just burned out and the next new thing is already in style. If you're one of the first to offer keychains and stickers - or plushies - you make the big money. That brings profit, but in my opinion you can very quickly step on the wrong foot in this jumping around and slip into burnout. (Or stagnate to such an extent that you lose all motivation to refine your artistic skills and become better at your craft.)

I see friends of mine, many of them, who are trying to live off of fandom merch. They all have one thing in common: their skills in art have remained absolutely the same over the past few years or have even declined. If you have to churn out a new batch of merchandise every week, you have to cut corners. There is no time for experiments and crazy studies when you can hardly live and have to produce merch/fan art that sells 100% well.

I don't mean to offend anyone - it's just that I've been thinking a lot about my own setbacks as an artist since I've been dealing with them so intimately. And I've definitely made some setbacks!

In 2021-2023, fandom life continued and got worse and worse. Checking my smartphone, drawing something every day to post it - just so that the algorithm doesn't sort me out. Posting daily is the number one rule on all Social Media, unfortunately. But I did it, no matter how burned out I felt.

And then there were the dramas on Twitter: internet puritans, antis and proshippers were screaming at each other and tearing each other to shreds (a trap I almost fell into myself! anti and pro are the biggest bullshit ever and I'm lucky enough to have reached a point where I can say: I don't give a shit lol). Callout posts, vague tweeting and aggression instead of simply blocking and moving on. Harassment that I myself experienced: I blocked a few people because I found them strange and unpleasant. They posted explicit things that I did not want to see on my timeline. This triggered a wave of harassment that was simply disgusting. These are people who hate their own lives so much that they can't do anything but feel miserable and stalk strangers online. Admittedly, this made me paranoid: a group of people had chosen me as a target. They passed around screenshots of many of my tweets and made fun of me, copying and stealing my art 1:1. They lied and cheated to make me look like an asshole – and this went on for years. It made me paranoid and was the first step away from fandoms, as it escalated more and more.

So, I was successfully bullied out of the fandom and my hyperfixation was over. It left a terrible void that I am still trying to fill today. Neurodivergence sucks, I'll tell you.

That's when I honestly asked myself for the first time: What the fuck am I doing here? When did I become a content machine for strangers on the internet? Why the hell do I feel so bad when I don't draw for a day? And why do I care what strangers think about me?!

Then I realized that I can't draw anymore.

Without references or the 3D models from Clip Studio Paint, I'm lost. When I try to draw something without any help, I sit in front of an empty canvas. My hands don't do what they're supposed to do and my brain blocks the thought of how drawing even works. My eyes only see the mistakes I make. Everything I draw looks bad to me.

I realized I have a problem.

So I try again and learn it all again from scratch: Anatomy, perspective, color theory, everything. But every time I sit down and try to put something on paper, there's nothing there. I've been drawing things every day for the last four years. Now my hyperfixation on this character and this manga is over and there's nothing left. I've been burning the candle at both ends and I've broken something in the process. Art is no longer something I enjoy. I need art to live and breathe, no doubt, but… the barrel now has a bottom again and it's empty to the last drop.

The little motivation I can muster goes into my webcomic, which is my everything. It's just mine, not a fandom. I feel honored that so many people read this comic. At the same time, I'm afraid that it's not enough; in my eyes, my art doesn't look good. Being surrounded by perfect illustrations on social media all day long distorts one's own perception of art, like the beauty industry that gives you body dysmorphia. On top of that, I haven't had any financial success with my comics in recent years, none at all. The dream of being an independent comic artist has receded so far into the distance that I can no longer see it. Bummer.

The constant stream of content that I gave during my fandom days has set me back incredibly. I can no longer enjoy the process of art, but my brain constantly pushes me to finish it, to have a finished product - because then I can post the drawing and get the virtual handshake that my weird brain likes so much.

Social media detox, of course, is the first thing that comes to mind. It's actually bullshit that we're all so addicted to these apps, but here we are. It's uncomfortable for me to admit, but I have hardly any friends in real life. I'm very introverted and many people find my autism very unpleasant (I can't blame them, I often come across as rude), so I only have 1-2 friends. I would like to have more friends, but maintaining social contact is terribly exhausting. It's hard enough to reply to my mutuals in the DMs (sorryyyyy if I forget sometimes………).

And what if I just take a break for a while and don't draw so much? Recharge my batteries? Right now I'm taking a 6-week break, partly because my jaw surgery is coming up soon. I'll be sick anyway, so why not put the webcomic on hiatus and take a break for a while? I don't know if it will work out, but I have a hunch that it won't, because I always have the fast-paced internet in the back of my mind. How can I be a freelancer if I don't do fanart? How can I make money with it to help my partner, who is currently financing our lives, financially? How can I, as a disabled person, find a job that I can do and at the same time build my career as an artist? As an independent comic artist, I have to do the job of so many people (artist, author, manager, taxes, work organization), how am I supposed to do that?

I have no answers to these questions. Original works don't go nearly as well as fanart! So you have to work ten times as hard and play by the vague rules of the algorithms, which is exhausting enough. Nowadays, you can only be lucky and ride the viral wave if it falls into your lap.

But reflecting on my time in a huge fandom has made me realize that I was going down a very wrong path and am now experiencing the consequences. I'm completely burnt out and no longer know why I'm even making art anymore. I don't know if I want to make art much longer. (I think shit-life-syndrome plays a big role here, but not exclusively.)

As I said, I don't have any answers - but I would at least like to warn those who are having difficulties with distancing themselves from the internet and are quickly losing themselves in this maelstrom of social media.

I have since deleted Twitter from my smartphone and, fortunately, have hardly ever used TikTok (dodged a bullet there!). I try to get back into traditional art and get away from my computer. I am all the more grateful to the people, my community, so to speak, who do nonsense with me on tumblr. They read my comics and are extremely nice to me, which I really appreciate. Thank you!

I don't know yet if and how it will continue, but I would like to finish Berserkir in the next few years. I'd love to find a way to finish all the short comics I want to make, even though it's just me and not a whole team. Maybe I'll find a way, maybe I don't. Anyways, thanks for sticking around!

#long post #really long.#but uh! yeah! this is just my experience with fandoms and social media as an artist. thanks for reading!#writing this made me very sad about what I have lost BUT I am so glad I wrote this. off my chest and so on #+

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emotionallychargedtowel · 2 days

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prying off the shell

Hayama's friend Mihara makes a really trenchant observation in episode 7 of 25 Ji Akasaka de. First he points out that Shirasaki doesn't seem to have a "shell"--his way of talking about a social self, a persona that a person experiences as separate from their core self. Then he points out that Hayama not only has a "shell," he has multiple layers of shell, so many that it's essentially impenetrable. If you explore what's underneath his social persona, there's just another persona, and another under that, with no end in sight, like a seemingly neverending set of matryoshka dolls. At first Mihara says this to draw a parallel between the two, to claim they're similar. But when he elaborates, Hayama responds by saying it sounds like he's describing them as complete opposites. Mihara accedes to this and sums things up by pointing out that life is bound to be hard for someone in either of those positions.

Actually, both are true. These two ways of being have some significant overlap in their execution, and they also have huge fundamental differences at their cores.

One of the biggest things that Shirasaki and Hayama have in common is the fact that there's little difference between their public personas and their private selves. Shell-less Shirasaki is the same candid, sensitive person whether he's alone with someone he cares about or interacting in public with people he doesn't know very well, because he doesn't have a special persona for public settings. He's just Shirasaki inside and out and makes no bones about it--nor does it ever seem to cross his mind to do so. But he probably couldn't if he did want to.

Hayama's multilayered shell creates a similar effect for the opposite reason. Hayama has a carefully constructed social self. But if you bring him into a private setting, even if he sets aside his most public persona, you're just going to be presented with another carefully constructed persona designed to navigate a particular social situation. This means that public Hayama and private Hayama aren't that different. They may seem different at times, but that's only because he tailors his personas for different settings. He must be very skilled at it after all these years.

This opposite-yet-similar relationship is also present in how they both relate to acting in general, and more specifically to the idea of having a "fake" dating relationship with a costar for the purpose of improving a performance. For Hayama, acting is an opportunity to express emotions in a way that he can't otherwise. It's not just that acting provides a loophole from the system of rules he grew up with, though importantly, it does do that. He says that the way he learned as a young child not to express too much emotion around his mother was to make himself numb. Since he learned this lesson at such a young age, his ability to get in contact with his authentic emotions has atrophied. Acting provides him not only with permission to show emotion to portray in his performance, but also with ready-made words and actions he can use to do so. In other words, Hayama yearns for the freedom to express feelings, but if he had to express his own emotions he probably wouldn’t know how to access them. So it helps that acting comes with a script that can tell him how he's supposed to feel and how he's supposed to express that. When Hayama acts, he places a sort of veneer of a private self over his shell, and this allows him to experience something similar to being his authentic self.

Shirasaki doesn't tell us explicitly what he gets out of acting, the way Hayama does. But I think it must be the opposite of what Hayama gets out of it in a way. For Hayama, acting is a way of getting around his overactive system of control and gaining back some lost immediacy. For Shirasaki, for whom emotional immediacy is as natural as breathing, I think acting must provide a greater sense of control. It must be so taxing for Shirasaki to live in the world without a shell. He's buffeted about by social forces that he lacks resources to navigate and the unpredictable events that ensue hit him harder because of his unguarded authenticity. Acting could be a way of making these experiences predictable. He may not know what's going to happen to his shell-less self in his everyday life, but at work, the script tells him exactly what to expect. It must also be nice for Shirasaki to gain respect and validation for his authenticity after what I can only assume has been a lifetime of being criticized for that aspect of himself.

In a related way, Shirasaki's main challenge as an actor is also very different. He's great at the expressiveness part of acting. If he can feel something, he can portray it in his performance, because authenticity is so natural to him. If anything, he doesn't have a choice--he doesn't know how to stop being authentic. Issues come up, however, when he doesn't have an easily accessible emotion that maps onto how his character feels. He has an amazing delivery system for emotion that brings his feelings to the audience, but a delivery system only works if you have something to deliver. The situation that drives the story in 25 Ji is the fact that Shirasaki has to seek out these raw materials in order to perform.

One of the biggest issues I've had with this series from the beginning is the idea that a supposedly gifted actor like Shirasaki would think that he has to have firsthand experience with something in order to portray it (leading to his trip to the gay bar, his initial encounter with Hayama, and their pretend relationship). But this way of conceptualizing Shirasaki's personality goes a long way toward explaining that. If you don't know how to be fake in your private or your professional life, of course you'll have more of a need for firsthand experiences to draw from. It might also be a factor that Shirasaki is less likely than others to realize, and/or care, that this form of "rehearsal" generally isn't done.

Once Shirasaki and Hayama begin their pseudo-relationship, their distinct ways of relating to the world impact their experiences. For Hayama, there isn't that much difference between this pretend relationship and a supposedly real one. We don't know anything about his dating history, but it seems doubtful that any past relationships would have been appreciably more authentic than this one. After all, Hayama doesn't even know how he really feels half the time. How could he be emotionally present with another person under such circumstances? So their pseudo-relationship feels as authentic to him as any "real" one he's had, and quite possibly more so given the strength of his feelings for Shirasaki. This goes back to my first point--there's little difference between Hayama's public and private selves--and just puts it in a relationship context. Basically, a fake relationship and a real one are similar for him because both are equally fake.

Once again, Shirasaki's public and private selves are also remarkably similar, but in a different way and for different reasons. He welcomed the pseudo-relationship because he needed firsthand experience to fuel his performance, but his lack of a shell and lack of skill at pretending make it so that acting out a relationship and actually being in one are hard for him to distinguish. In other words, a fake relationship and a real one are similar for Shirasaki because both are equally real.

These opposite ways of relating bring the lead characters into somewhat similar positions at times, but for very different reasons. For a while, these opposites were so complimentary that they balanced each other out. That balance created stability. Their pseudo-relationship was easier to navigate then, but if it had continued that way, it would have been hard to topple in favor of something real.

There's one thing that keeps these opposing approaches from truly being mirror-image versions of each other, though: the fact that Hayama's feelings for Shirasaki are causing his authentic self to strain against the confines of his shell. If he could easily keep going the way he always has, and felt no need to change, any real relationship between him and Shirasaki would be pretty much doomed. But even the thickest shell has a center. There's a little nugget of authentic self that Hayama has had shuttered away inside his shell for most of his life. It hasn't seen light in a long time. It hasn't grown much since he was a child, because it hasn't been allowed to. But it has always been very responsive to contact with Shirasaki, even from afar. Now that Hayama has been able to get closer to Shirasaki, that little nugget of selfhood is growing exponentially, and as it grows it gets stronger and more insistent.

Hayama says that being with Shirasaki feels like having his shell "pried off." This is how that happens. It's bound to be scary, maybe even terrifying, to go through that. It's a kind of personal growth that Hayama probably couldn't find the motivation to push through if he didn't want so badly to be close to Shirasaki for real. But he does want that very deeply, enough to take this risk. So the different ways that Hayama and Shirasaki relate to the world, which had been such stable opposites, are on their way to becoming less perfectly balanced and thus more amenable to change.

There's a catalyst on the horizon: the love scene Hayama and Shirasaki are about to film for their drama. Hayama usually relies on a script to tell him what to feel and how to express that emotion in his work. His shell remains in place during that process because there's a difference between the little bit he can still feel of his real emotions and the emotions he portrays. But his role in the drama he's making with Shirasaki has been growing closer and closer to how he really feels. The love scene seems poised to bring him even closer to his own authentic experience. If the role he plays, the emotions he allows himself to show, sync up enough with the emotions of the little nugget of real self he still has, it could be a key to unlocking his shell. If he's able to speak from his authentic experience, he could find a way to tell Shirasaki how he feels. If he's able to show real emotion in the process, Shirasaki will be able to see the difference and understand what it means.

#25 ji akasaka de #at 25:00 in akasaka #25 ji akasaka de meta #hayama x shirasaki #japanese bl

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pureastrologywisdom · 12 hours

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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔥

A man’s Lilith conjunct a woman’s ascendant

I have been getting a lot of questions about this placement in a synastry chart so I thought I would make a post on it. I will also be touching on when a woman Lilith comes in contact t with a mans personal placements also.

A mans Lilith is a placement that shows what he finds attractive yet intimidating in a woman. He desires her but he fears her at the same time. Because of this having your ascendant aspecting this point in his chart is very intense. Its creates this magnetism, a sort of push pull affect within him. When a woman’s ascendant falls here he is extremely physically attracted to her. The ways she carries herself is very interesting to him, he finds her sexy. This is initially a more visual attraction, however it can grow overtime into something deeper, especially if you have other placements to support you.

In the worst case scenario, Lilith in a mans chart shows you the type of woman he wants or tries to control. He is initially attracted to all these wild and enticing things about her, but when he has her he tries to dampen her fire. The more insecure and undeveloped a man is the more likely he is to fall into this outcome from the placement between you. On the rare occasion, if a man has issues with his feminine energy or rejects the feminine in his life, he may be repulsed by her because of her free and untamed nature. Its something he cannot understand or empathise with.

However if he is secure, confident within himself and has worked on himself he is more likely to admire how powerful you are and it only adds to the attraction between you two.

I will say with this placement more often than not, a woman with this synastry with him will be his weakness in some way or other, not always in a bad way. Lilith is a representation of pure feminine power, that is often untapped because this is an area that is repressed within a woman through her life and growing up by family, peers and society itself.

Having this placement with a partner in synastry can also show at the best of times that this man will help her feel more connected to her own power and femininity. He can help her open up to this side of herself. This is also the case when a woman’s Lilith is aspected by a personal planet in a mans chart - more common when it’s this way around.

In turn, the woman can help him surrender to the feminine and embrace her. Healing his own wounds around women and femininity. Realising that its not something to control or tame but something to admire and work with.

Thank you for reading everyone. This is a topic I am extremely passionate about and I love working with Lilith in clients charts.

If you would like to work with me in embracing this side of yourself through your natal chart send me a message on here or email me at [email protected]

Please title your email ‘Lilith work’ - My Lilith readings are priced at £5

I am so grateful to you all who follow me and work with me

Pureastrowisdom <3

#astrology #astrology blog #astro notes #astro observations #astroblr #astro community #natal chart #astro tumblr #synastry astrology #love astrology #lilith aspects #lilith synastry #lilith asteroid #lilith astrology #lilith conjunct ascendant

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soloorganaas · 2 days

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Im very curious about your thoughts regarding sirius holding everyone - but not remus - responsible for their actions 👀

I have a lot of thoughts which are not organised at ALL so I’m just gonna ramble a bit and see if they form some kinda answer

so as I said in those tags: choice and responsibility are central to who Sirius is. he sees himself as the sole agent of his own life because he’s made these huge and difficult decisions to reject the path other people chose for him. so because of that he holds himself entirely responsible for his own actions and knows he has to be ready to pay the price for them. it’s why he carries around an enormous amount of guilt about James and Lily’s deaths, because he sees it as something he was responsible for and he failed at. but it’s also why he’s so comfortable being rude and abrasive or not repressing his feelings to make other people happy - he makes a choice knowing the consequences and that he’s prepared to deal with them.

Sirius also views the rest of the world through the same principles and he judges the actions or inaction of those around him through it. if you do something knowing the consequences it will cause, or fail to act whilst pretending there are no consequences, he holds you responsible for that. the most obvious example is Peter, who he sees as having committed the ultimate sin in capitulating to the wishes of others because of his own cowardice, and enabling the murder of their friends because of it. and if you see loyalty as a form responsibility as well, then it’s a double crime in Sirius’s mind.

he treats James and Harry the same way. he tells James bluntly that Lily rejects him because he’s an arrogant ass. he calls Harry out when he’s being reckless or irresponsible, not in the sense of him being a disobedient child, but as someone who understands the consequences of his actions and needs to take responsibility for them. I actually can’t think of a single person in the series who Sirius has some relationship with that he doesn’t criticise, except Remus.

this fascinates me, because of all the people Sirius could get angry at, Remus is the most likely target. we know for certain he believes to some extent that Sirius is guilty of murdering innocent muggles and betraying James and Lily (a huge grey area as to what exactly he believes but that’s another post) and doesn’t challenge his 12 year imprisonment. then there are all the things that aren’t explicitly stated in canon so we can assume Remus did or didn’t do: he didn’t try and contact Harry or get involved in his life in any way despite the fact he was the son of Remus’s best friends and an orphan; he didn’t advocate for Sirius or challenge his imprisonment; he didn’t tell the authorities or even Dumbledore about Padfoot, or hand over the Marauder’s Map, when he still apparently believed Sirius was out to kill Harry; he didn’t contact Harry at all after PoA; he didn’t do anything to advocate for Sirius even after he knew he was innocent, or assist him whilst he was on the run.

I personally think there are defenses and explanations to literally all of this, but that’s not the point. Sirius always holds people accountable for their actions first and foremost - it’s only then that he considers their justifications with how he responds or whether it affects his view of them or their relationship. but we never see him hold Remus accountable at all. the closest he comes is a brief acknowledgment that Remus falsely believed he was guilty, which is then quickly forgiven.

obviously we could blame this on shitty writing, but I think that’s a lazy explanation, especially when Sirius is such a complex character. the next explanation is that we simply don’t see this confrontation play out because it doesn’t happen in front of Harry. I think this is a decent one, considering that we already know Sirius and Remus have a completely different and much more open relationship in private, from the snippets we do see through Harry.

but even if Sirius does call Remus out off screen, he still places a wildly different level of accountability on him than he does anyone else. between the end of PoA and the end of GoF, Sirius would have had to fully process what Remus had done enough to verbalise some really complicated feelings; confront Remus about them, which in any realistic relationship would not happen in just one conversation; process whatever Remus had to say as an explanation or defense; and then accept that enough to completely forgive him. because the level of trust and intimacy they show in OotP can only exist between two people who’ve worked through their past mistakes and have built a new relationship.

so taking all that into account: either Sirius forgave Remus with illogical ease, or he didn’t blame him much in the first place. either is a wild double standard, but to me in my little headcanon it makes sense. I think Sirius does have a double standard when it comes to Remus. I think he sees him through this lens of Remus being exceptional, because to Sirius he is. there’s something Remus sees in Sirius, some person he allows him to be, some bond they share that could never be possible with anyone else, and I think that Sirius just fundamentally cannot break that. he’ll let almost anything slide. I think it’s the same for Remus, by the way, and one of their most toxic and delicious dynamics. but Sirius is always willing to give so much more, just by his very nature, that means he compromises to an unhealthy degree, and I definitely think Remus takes advantage of that sometimes. this was a lot of my thought process behind a grave mistake and it’s soooooo delicious I want to dig into it so much more.

so I guess my conclusion is that Sirius is a better person than Remus but too unhealthily in love and/or traumatised to demand better of him. or that there are unknown events outside the narrative that absolve Remus of everything! but I prefer the first idea 😈

#less of a ramble more of an essay #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #hp meta #hp #meta #asks #nyx tag #wow i did not realise how much I’d been thinking about this

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tortillamastersblog · 3 days

Text

♕ No Matter What - Part 10 | Lena Luthor ♕

Pairing: Lena Luthor x reader

Warnings: none

Previous Part | Part 11

________________________________________________

The smell of pizza makes my stomach growl as soon as I step out of the shower.

I change into some comfortable clothes, a shirt and some sweatpants, and dry my hair as best as I can with a towel.

Then, I turn off the lights and make my way into the living room where Lena’s already on the couch, eating pizza.

Instead of eating it straight out of the box like a normal person though, she has taken a slice and put it on a small plate, putting it down on the plate every time after she’s taken a bite.

So posh…

I smile and join her wordlessly, taking a slice and biting into it messily. Tomato sauce ends up all around my mouth and Lena chuckles, handing me a napkin to wipe it away.

I thank her and send her a cheeky grin right before diving in for my next bite. It makes her lips twitch adorably and I feel a sense of accomplishment rush through me.

“You know,” I say after swallowing, “You do have your own clothes here now, so there’s no need to steal mine anymore.”

Lena ducks her head shyly and grabs another slice from the box. She’s wearing the hoodie and sweatpants I gave her two nights ago when we she first stayed the night even though we’ve been to her apartment since then to get some of her own stuff.

The police have yet to find out how the security system has been bypassed and until that’s not resolved, she’s staying with me.

“But I like your clothes. They’re baggy and comfortable,” she admits with red ears and I can’t help but nudge her with my foot.

“I’m sure your fancy pajamas are just as– if not even more comfortable than my old army hoodie that’s been through the washer a thousand times,” I tease, referring to the set of silk pajamas I saw in Lena’s closet when I helped her pack some of her stuff.

“Shut up. . .” she mumbles, embarrassed, and I throw my hands up in faux surrender.

“I’m just saying,” I tease before dropping it and going back to eating.

A comfortable silence settles over us and I secretly love how domestic all of this feels. Ever since Lena’s asked me to unzip her dress, things have fundamentally changed between us and almost every glance we share feels charged.

She is still my boss though, which makes me hesitant every time she’s close by.

My phone vibrates on the coffee table and I lean forward mid-bite to see what the notification says. It’s just a thunderstorm warning from my weather app, so I lean back to continue eating.

Lena’s eyes stay on my phone though and when I’m about to ask what’s going on, she points at it and carefully asks, “Is that your brother?”

I pick the phone back up and turn on the screen, seeing the familiar picture of Noah, Harper and I on the beach two years ago.

I smile sadly and nod. “Yeah, that’s Noah.”

Lena’s soft eyes find mine and when she sees that I’m not about to shut down, she points at Harper. “And who’s this?”

Harper is kissing Noah’s cheek in the picture and I’m behind them, pulling a funny face.

“That’s Harper,” I explain calmly. To my surprise I’m not getting choked up and I also don’t feel grief pulling at my insides like I normally do when I talk about them. “She is— was my brother’s fiancée.”

Lena’s eyebrows furrow and she puts her plate on the coffee table, burying her hands in her lap. “Is she. . .”

Dead?

I know that that is what she wants to ask, so I shake my head. “No, she’s fine. We—“I pause and scratch at my eyebrow—“ had a bit of a falling out after his death though.”

Lena nods and watches me carefully for a reaction. Her head is slightly tilted and her pupils are blown in the low light.

There’s really no point in not telling her the whole story now, not when she’s looking at me like that, so I swallow that last piece of pizza before leaning back into the cushions, pulling one of my legs up to my chest.

“She did try to contact me a couple of days ago, saying she was sorry for shutting me out and not saying anything when my dad blamed me for Noah’s death, but I don’t think I’m ready to deal with all of that just yet,” I admit quietly, my eyes trained on my index finger drawing random shapes onto my knee.

Lena hums encouragingly and pulls her own legs onto the couch so she’s sitting on them.

“W-we got pinned by some rebels during a routine supply run and Noah went against my direct orders to stay put after I got shot in the shoulder when I tried to get to the radio in our truck.”

I take a shaky breath and look up to find Lena watching me with sympathy, not pity, which makes all the difference. I hate it when people pity me because it makes them treat me differently.

“My dad—When we got back after Noah’s death. . . He said I could have done more. Should have done more even though there was nothing I could do.

“He blames me for his death and sometimes I have the feeling that he’d rather it have been m-me who died.”

That last part comes out in a broken whisper and Lena reaches for the hand on my knee, lacing our fingers together with a determined look.

“Hey, no, don’t think that,“ she states with a squeeze to my hand. “It wasn’t your fault and your dad is horrible for making you feel that way.”

I scoff and aggressively wipe at a tear that somehow managed to escape my eye.

“I’m seriously,” Lena insists, tugging on our interlaced hands to get me to look at her. “I’m glad you’re alive and even though I didn’t know him, I’m sure Noah would be glad too.”

I smile warily, acutely aware of the pain currently displayed on my face. I usually hate people seeing me like this, but Lena is so calm and understanding about it, it makes me want to be vulnerable.

Lena lifts our intertwined hands and press a featherlight kiss to my knuckles. My skin tingles where her lips made contact and I have to drop my chin hide the blush on my neck.

“Thank you for telling me,” she whispers a moment later. “And thank you for not quitting. I honestly don’t know what I’d without you.”

I clear my throat and try my best to smile when I look up. There’s not much I can think of saying right now so I fold my leg underneath myself and suggest we watch a movie.

Lena agrees easily and moves closer, leaning into my side as I turn on the TV. It’s a move so natural by now, it barely fazes me anymore and I squeeze her hand which is still intertwined with my own.

I sigh and open my eyes, looking around the dark living room to find what woke me up.

The digital clock on the oven reads 3 AM and I sit up, pushing the thin blanket off me.

Lena and I went to bed hours ago after I noticed her tired glossed over eyes. It didn’t take much convincing for her to take the bed once again which I an grateful for.

The couch works just fine for me and it’s honestly not that uncomfortable considering I’ve slept on the ground countless times while overseas with only a rock as my pillow and a jacket as a blanket.

I get up and make sure the door is still locked, whipping around the next second when I hear a whimper coming from the bedroom.

I immediately rush across the living room, grabbing my service weapon on the way before I push open the door to the bedroom.

Blood is pumping in my ears and my hands are shaking when I look around, but there’s no one here except Lena who’s still fast asleep on the bed.

I lower my gun when another whimper leaves her lips and that’s when I realize she’s having a nightmare.

Her eyebrows are scrunched and her breathing is erratic, a sheen of sweat glistening on her forehead.

Sympathy washes over me and I take a seat at the edge of the bed after putting the gun on the nightstand. I placing a hand on her shoulder to wake her gently, only to jump in surprise when she shoots up with wide eyes as soon as my hand makes contact.

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re okay,” I say, squeezing her shoulder. “It was just a dream.”

Lena’s twists to look at me and once she realizes what happened, tears fill her eyes and she throws her arms around my neck.

“You’re okay,” she whispers against my neck. “You’re okay. . .”

“I— Yeah, I’m fine,” I stutter, letting her pull me down onto the bed.

What the hell was she dreaming about?

Lena lets out a shaky breath and moves us around so her head is on my chest and her arms are wrapped around my stomach.

The proximity once again makes my skin tingle and the thought she’s still your boss, YN, is the only reason why I don’t kiss the top of her head.

I do however warp my arms around her and hold her close, ignoring the way my heart flutters when she buries her face in the fabric of my shirt.

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” I whisper against her temple.

She shakes her head and sighs.

I run my hand up and down her back, feeling bad that she’s going through this. I’ve had my fair share of nightmares and I know how triggering they can be.

“Is there anything I can do?” I offer and for a moment I don’t think she’s going to say anything, but then her small voice cuts through the silence.

“Can you stay?”

My breath hitches and just to be sure I’m actually understanding what she wants, I ask, “You mean here? In bed. . . with you?”

A nod against my chest is all I get in response and I’m sure by now Lena can hear how fast my heart is beating.

“I— Yeah, alright,” I manage to choke out and it’s all it takes for her to reach down and pull the comforter over the two of us.

“Thank you,” she mumbles and by the sounds of it she’s already half-asleep again.

A few minutes later her breathing evens out and her grip around my middle loosens and I let out a deep breath.

She’s still your boss. . . She’s still your boss. . . She’s still your BOSS! I remind myself over and over again, watching as her back rises and falls with each breath she takes.

Her lips are slightly pursed and there’s a faint crinkle between her eyebrows but other than that she looks fairly peaceful.

It’s a breathtaking sight and as I study her a pang of realization hits me in the chest.

I think I’m falling in love with you. . .

Following my realization, I sneak out of bed the next morning as soon as I wake up. It proves to be quite difficult to get out of Lena’s grasp, but once I’m free I quickly jump in the shower and put on some clothes, pent on grabbing some breakfast at a nearby bakery.

It’ll allow me to get away from Lena for a bit and help me process what happened last night. Well, not just last night, I guess, this has been in the making for a couple of weeks now, but last night was the first time it actually hit me what’s actually going on.

I take one last look at Lena’s sleeping form before slipping out of the apartment.

I don’t worry about anything happening while I’m gone because it’s still early and no one except Sam knows where she’s staying.

I pull my hood up against the drizzle outside, knowing (thanks to the weather app on my phone) that that drizzle will soon turn into a heavy storm.

It’s no problem though because Lena’s decided to work from home today and it will give me a chance to catch up on some paperwork I’ve been meaning to do for the gym I used to teach self defense classes at.

It’s something I’ve put on hold since I started working for Lena, but I still help out with organizing class schedules every now and then.

I get to the bakery fifteen minutes after opening time and to my surprise there are already people there.

I take off my hood as soon as I step inside an go to stand at the end of the queue that has already formed. The smell of freshly baked bread and pastries has my mouth watering and I pull out my wallet to be ready to pay as soon as it’s my turn.

I’m so lost in my own thoughts (which are mostly thoughts of Lena) that I flinch when someone taps my shoulder.

I turn around warily to see what it is a stranger could possibly want from me at this time of the morning, only to go slack-jawed when that person happens to be none other than Harper.

She’s dressed in running gear and I curse myself for not remembering that it is her every day routine to stop by this exact place after her morning run whenever she’s not on tour.

She seems to be equally surprised to see me even though she’s the one who tapped me on the shoulder and for a moment neither one of us says something.

“H-hi,” she manages to get out as the queue starts moving. “When I came in and saw you I didn’t think that it was actually you, but I had to know, you know. . . Because it’s been a while and will you look at that. . . It is you. I— Wow, I’m honestly not sure what I was thinking, I’m sorry. I know you’re not ready to talk yet, but—“

I lift a hand to stop her, which only seems to make her even more nervous, so I smile reassuringly and say, “It’s fine, Harper.”

She grimaces and drops her chin for a moment. “Right, sorry.”

I must admit, what happened between us will not be forgotten for a long time, but seeing her act likes this when we were once so close makes me take pity on her.

“No, really, it’s okay,” I say. “How are you? It’s been a while.”

Harper brushes a strand of sweaty blonde hair off her forehead, which I remember is a nervous tick of hers, and nods thoughtfully. “Honestly, I’ve been better, but I’m keeping myself busy. How are you?”

The queue moves again and I make sure to move with it.

“I’m hanging in there,” I say honestly and when Harper’s eyes meet mine I smile sadly.

She hums in understanding and we go back to being silent for a while. When it’s almost my turn to order, she touches my arm to regain my attention.

“I meant what I said on the phone,” she says earnestly. “I’m sorry for what happened, and I don’t blame you for Noah’s death.”

I suck in a sharp breath and scratch the back of my neck. “Yeah, okay. . .”

“No, I’m serious, Y/N,” she persists and squeezes my forearm. “I’m sorry and I want to make things right. I miss you.“

I take in the vulnerability that’s written all over her face and sigh.

I’ve missed her, too. She was like a sister to me before Noah’s death and to say that I didn’t miss her would be a straight up lie. Yes, she shut me out and it made me feel like shit for a long time, but she was grieving and so was I.

I’m next in line to order, so I take her hand off my forearm (not entirely comfortable with her touch just yet) and squeeze her hand before letting go. “How about we grab some coffee next week, yeah? That way we can talk properly.”

Harper nods and brushes another strand of hair from her face. “Yeah, alright. Text me. I’m free whenever.”

I send her one last tight-lipped smile before turning around and ordering.

The woman behind the register hands me my food a few moments later and I take it and leave without looking back.

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Next part is where it’s at, people. . . Just sayin’ ;)

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#fluff #lena luthor x reader #lena luthor #dc universe #dcu #x reader #supergirl cw

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