Bakusquad boys with a shy s/o

pairings: Ejiro kirishima x reader, denki kaminari x reader, sero hanta x reader, bakugo katsuki x reader

Ejiro Kirishima

-he loves your timidness becuz it gives him a chance to be more manly.

-letting you hide behind him? Yes.

-protecting you from people, social anxiety and, spiders? Yes.

-ordering for you at restaurants cuz that waiter looks intimidating??! 100%

-Introducing you to people your too shy to talk to and sliding “this is MY S/o.” in there? Please!

-loves to show you off because he knows your to shy to show yourself off.

-and making sure to remind you your gorgeous and deserve attention every single day is definitely a thing.

-if your easily flustered he’ll pepper you with kisses and compliments every time he sees you just to witness that adorable blush.

-”Your bedhead is stunning. Teach me your ways!!!” *proceeds to blow messy red puff out of eyes*

-”Your voice is so pretty, you really should speak up more”

-”omg Y/n your so gorgeous today I can’t even-” he says before dramatically pretending to faint.

-Secluded romantic picnics are a must.

-nothing outside of your comfort zone just because he’s that manly.

-lots and lots of hugs.

-All around the softest rock ever, pls love him back!

Katsuki Bakugo

-Say bye bye to  Tsundere Katsuki around shy Y/n

-Is cockiest when he’s in control

-Is the louder one/lead in the relationship

-therefore he’s a cocky brat whenever he’s around you.

-He’s gotta be strong y’know? Can’t let your shy adorableness get to him!

-If it does (through some miracle) he’ll tease you till’ you cant see through your blush, let alone see his

-whether your easily flustered or not, this boy has his ways of getting you all hot and bothered

-will totally hype you up about the smallest things

-that plus his built in megaphone equals your 24/7 personal motivation coach.

-having trouble speaking up? Will screech at all the extras until you have the stage.. but in a cool tough guy sorta way.

you don’t wanna ask for an extra fork at taco bell? DONT EVEN MOVE, they can hear him from the table.

-If his explosive squawking is bugging you, just tug on his shirt and let him know. He’ll try his absolute best to dial it down!

-That one time he complimented you while yelling at a chihuahua 

“OIIIIII GET OUT OF-”

 *lil dog barks* 

“GET OUT OF THE-”

 *obsessive yipping* 

“ARE YOU DONE YET?!?!?!?!” 

...

GET OUT OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!! MY DROP DEAD GORGEOUS S/O HAS A HAIR APPOINT-

*barks*

“GET OUT OF THE ROAD!!!! I SWEAR TO-”

-you dont even hear the rest.. to busy dying over the fact he’s flaunting you at a chihuahua

Denki Kaminari

-Thanks his lucky stars you were to shy to say no when he asked you to be his S/o. He thinks your wayyyyy to good for him.

-But hey, you said yes and he’s not letting you live it down

-found this way to mix teasing, joking, and complimenting you into one phrase and tortures you with it in the most wholesome way.

-if you hid behind him he’d either go full on tough guy, or short circuit, and he’ll be teasing you about it for the next two years.

-pls play with him! Gamer boy loves showcasing you and your adorable voice to his online friends, but the mic can stay off if your to shy.

-fall asleep on him while he’s gaming i dare you. He’ll leave the round or whatever to snap a few pics.

-You died when you saw it as his home screen a few days later.

- UMM 100% simp

-compliments you about legit everything. He’s super creative (?) about it too!

-“Baby, your fingers are looking absolutely amazing today”

-”Your ears are ridiculously cute!! they look perfect with those earrings” 

-Loves your shy reactions, and would kill to keep your timid lil self safe from harm- emotionally and physically.

-If your the easily flustered type, not only will he tease the living daylights outa you, but also will lean in close when he whispers something teasing in your ear, or randomly hug you from behind before carrying you bridal style to your next destination.

-I’m not kidding. This child will literally turn you into a permanent tomato.

-Basically, pikachu loves a good shy bean.

Sero Hanta

-will give you room to get better at social interaction but is totally all for your shy personality.

-compliments you (normally) at least seven to fifteen times per day. 

-knowing how shy you are, he’s super touched when you initiate a kiss, or tug his sleeve to lock hands, your just so adorable how are you even his?!

-those days when your out of school and your inwardly cringing at some stuff you did earlier so he comes up from behind and drags you into cuddling.

-basically there for you 150%, but laid back about it.

-will help you speak up, or get everyone’s attention for you.

-training buddies since your more comfortable around him.

-If somebody’s messing with you let him know pls, they'll apologize within the next several minutes.

-Teases you occasionally 

-”Sweetheart, i know im hot, but your staring.” he winks, “We’re on problem seventeen, page two.”

-”Your adorable when you eat chicken nuggets like there’s no tomorrow”

-let’s be honest, tape dispenser luvs you and how timid you are, but he’s not sparing you from experiencing what it’s like to be tinker bell entirely.

-despite your more quiet nature he can read when you need your favorite take out don’t even say anything. 

-already knows what you want from where, dont worry about having to talk to a stranger about what you want off the menu,

-Is a fan of at home movie nights and home cooked meals, nothing out of your comfort zone.

-Basically is a king worthy of you.

[Unedited]

when the physical manifestation of ur inner rage is like “ay bitch lets take a fkin selfie” and u can’t exactly resist that and u also forget to turn off the fuckin flash

Match up, No. 10

Anon said:

Hello! I would like the match up please I would like to have a Male character and here are stuff about me!

The thing I do mostly is like to care for others and help others, I mostly get tricked on very easily do to my kindness which will cause me to sometimes get very fiesty which not very but maybe like “ please just stop talking your being to loud.” In a annoyed tone, which is very rarely, I tend to like very many hobbies and I don’t judge people base on first glance I see what on the inside and not what on the outside, a weakness I have is my disability but I never allow it to stop me from my true goal in life! And I practically tend to like doing some boyish stuff like archery! I get a lot of compliments on my archery skill because a lot of people say I have the patients and the accuracy very good! My dislikes are I hate real cocky people who think there all good and don’t take stuff for granted I also hate people who look down on weak person as not a human but a animal. I hate peoples who take kindness for granted and use it for a selfish gain.

I stand at about 5’0 exact! I have long brown hair that gets a lot of attention because some people always say to me “ I die to have your hair:” I’m just a tiny bit chubby and have big blue ocean eye that gets a lot of compliments and a lot of people wanting it to. I very much get the attention for how smart I am and how kind I am! I also get some hate from boys when I prove them wrong that girls aren’t weak and I won’t back down from a fight if it means protecting myself, people or just anyone. I like to have some affection it doesn’t have to be a lot maybe just even a hand on the shoulder is fine! I also very do like to wear some baggy clothes and I do like wearing like summer dresses that are knee high. I also tend to get very excited from the smallest things. A lot of people think I’m a loner but when it comes to babies I’m all for them! My cousin even said “ she likes to be alone into babies comes in the picture and she all for them!” 💕I love children and my parents even told me “ your definitely going to be the house wife.” I don’t know if that a compliment or not but I’m taking it😂✌🏻 sorry if I shared so many!

a/n:

Hello there! How are you? I really enjoyed reading all those things about you. Believe it or not but the part in which you said that although you have a disability it is not holding you back to follow your dreams, was impressive. It truly made happy. I have two cousins that have a disability and get me sad every time I see them. But seeing them happy and keep doing whatever they want makes me always so damn happy. You seem to be such a sweet human. Someone bright and jolly. Please never ever change. You are such a strong and great human. Keep that attitude and make sure that even when you end up as a housewife don´t let anyone push you around or take you presence and work for granted. This world really needs more good humans like you. I am so happy you requested. When you mentioned housewife I instantly thought of Hinata (Narutos wife) and then thought about myself who is more of a mixture of Ino and Temari. That thought really made me laugh. LMAO!! Anyways I really hope you will like with what I came up with. If there is anything that bothers you or you don´t like, please tell me so I can change it. Other than that enjoy the little story I came up with. Happy reading!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: @/SK,Martins (Can be seen in the pic) (found on the internet) !!!

· Well my dear anon. Like I mentioned before I think that you are a sweet and lovely human being. On top of that also simply adorable, fun and pure! Therefore I´d like to match you up with the future pirate king Monkey D. Luffy

· I think that you two would get along so well. So, SO WELL! Now hear me out!

· The way you two got to know each other might sound a bit of cliché but that’s simply how you meet. There was no princess in danger or a knight in a shinny armor but a clueless guy who wondered why a woman in a dress would walk around with arrows and a bow when they weren´t cupid. A simple human?! HA! Definitely not!

· Anyways that’s how everything started….

· The strawhats were docked on the island you were living in. At first they were anxious and didn´t want to leave their ship alone but when a worker at the harbor told them that the civilians on the island had cero problems with pirates as long as they didn´t do anything stupid or harm them. The whole crew got happy and started roaming around the island.

· Luffy being Luffy, screamed for food the moment his feet were on the island. And Zoro…. That guy yelled after him saying that if he gets to have food he wanted Sake. So, Luffy, Zoro and Ussop searched for a restaurant. Why Ussop you wonder? Well Nami send him with the boys because they otherwise would end up on the other side of the island. And Ussop compared to the captain and the first mate knew he had an actual brain and also knew how to use it.

· While the pirates were walking around the island you were helping out as a waitress in your uncles restaurant

· Everything went smooth. You served the people and had little chats with some of them. Some gave you too much tip and some other had you sitting with them and eat with them

· The people of the island knew you well. They knew you and loved you. Your uncle once even said that the only reason why his business was doing so well was because of you. The people never came for the food but rather for you. But you always denied it and told him that it was him and his food that was liked so much.

· Bu today there was something a bit different. A group of men you hated from the bottom of your heart came again. They were simply rude and egoistic. They were people from the wealthier part of the city, that was called royal neighbor. The reason why that neighborhood was called royal had nothing to do with the people that lived there. The only reason it was called royal was because it had a lot of wellness centers, hotels, casinos and parks. While this neighborhood, you were living in was given the name of idyll because of the beautiful nature. Landscapes that could have been painted and not to forget the dreamy beaches. But these group of young men simply didn´t understand that and thought of it differently. In a way that even the mayor couldn´t do anything else than just shook his head in embarrassment. But what could that poor man do. They weren´t doing anything against the law. They simply were annoying, stupid and egoistic.

· The group of young man, not older than 25, would always come once a week and have lunch in your uncles restaurant

· They entered the restaurant followed by three men you never saw on the island. At first you thought of them as sailors until you saw the green haired man carry three swords.

· You were in a dilemma. You didn´t knew if you should take care of the men that could have been pirates or the annoying group of disgusting men that always came. You gave your coworker a look and made sure he understood what you wanted. You were about to walk up to him and tell him to take care of the annoying group of men when you heard a plate breaking. You stopped in your tracks and instantly turned around.

· “This is our table. We always sit here. Now move you pathetic poor human.”, said Dean, the head of the group. You were mad. You were extremely mad and it took you so much energy and patience to not walk up to him and cut of his throat. But you calmed down and thought rationally. You took a deep breath and took your little notebook you used for writing down the guests orders when you heard a glass shatter right after Dean grabbed the customer at his collar and made him stand up. And this was exactly the moment you slammed you notebook and pen on the floor and yelled from the top of your lungs.

· “Watch out what you’re doing, you spoiled brat!”

· You stomped towards him and took a knife from a table on your way to him. “If you do not put him down in a bit and apologize, I swear to god I will make you regret waking up today and leaving your fucking bed!”, Dean knew you were no one to joke around with but his pride as a man kept pushing him. He chuckled and looked at you up and down while his friends that followed him like dogs laughed at your words.

· “Don´t make me start counting you pathetic version of a human.”, with furious eyes you looked up at Dean who still held the customer at his collar. “Look at that tiny girl trying to threaten…”, one of his friends was giving a comment but couldn´t finish his sentence because of you throwing the knife in your hand at him and cutting a bit of his ear and hair. You threw the knife with such a precise and strong grip that it ended up hitting the wall that was three meters behind him. “Watch out what you say because I don´t hesitate to drop the sweet girl attitude.”

· Dean looked at you with pure anger and let go of the man he was holding. He looked at his shocked friend and then back at you. “Today’s point goes to you. But the next time we come and this table is not free you will regret hurting him.”, said the angry man. “Listen here you little dumb spoiled creature. This table won´t be free for you. This is our table. Our property. You have no right to come and throw such a tantrum. And guess what, come again and I will be paying your parents a little visit and make them pay for everything you did. And I am sure that they won´t be pleased by your behavior since they are good friends with my parents and the mayor. Right? Now if I ever see you come here again I will make you pay. After today we will not accept your unacceptable behavior anymore. Now get the FCK OUT!!”

· After they left everything was silent for a few seconds but that change after your uncle started to clap and every person in the restaurant joined him. Your eye widened and your started to blush with a huge grin on your face. But that little moment of clapping didn´t last long. One of the pirates that entered the restaurant spoke up. “You did a good job but I AM HUNGRY!!!! Please FEED ME!”, you were confused. You didn´t know how to react and stood there like a statue.

· “Alright Sir. No worries. We will take your order in a few.”, said your uncle and approached you with a huge smile your notebook and pen. He pats your head with a proud smile. “You are such a brave and strong woman. I am so glad to have you in my family and I think it´s enough for today. Please take care of these men and then go rest: You deserve it.”, you nodded and smiled back to him. You pulled yourself together and made your way to the table of the pirates while your uncle left to take care of the broken glasses and the customer who had to deal with those stupid men.

· “Hello gentlemen. I apologize for making you wait I ….”, “No worries I actually enjoyed the show. You’ve got a good and precise eye. BUT NOW MY ORDER! Get me everything on the second site please.”, you absolutely didn´t knew how to react. You were looking at the talking man with a straw hat and then to his friends with big shook eyes. “I know what you thinking but he always eats that much and manages to stay alive. No worries. And getting to my order I´d like to have number 17 and 22 on the menu.”, said the one with a unusual long nose. “I take the same as him but with three bottles of your best sake.”

· You nodded with a disbelieving look on the face wondering if the first one is really going to eat all of the stuff. But you gave yourself a light slap and made your way to the kitchen only to be confronted with overwhelmed and surprised faces of the cooks. You shrugged with your shoulder and went to get the pirates drinks.

· While you went to get their drinks you saw that more people sat down next to the three pirates what made sense since the table they were sitting on was a huge one that usually only families took. Taking the drinks you served the three and greeted the new costumers. At the table sat a beautiful woman with black hair that complimented you for your adorable and genuine smile. With a blush you gave the others a menu too and took their orders

· Slowly with time passing all of their meals were served and you said your farewells and left the restaurant earlier then thought because your uncle said that he will take care of the rest. Thanking him you left and made your way to your archery lesson although it would have been way too early.

· Every time you came your sensei’s face would glow with pride. But the malicious person he is he would then drag you inside and introduce you to another challenge he came up with.

Time skip because ya author is lazy for the first time in a while now. *apologizes in trilingual

· It was late in the evening. You were on your way back home and thought why not take the route that would lead you to walk across the beach. You were having a good time alone. The sound of the waves that crashed on the cliffs and rocks were beautifully calming. The feeling of the sand under you feet were relaxing. With a smile upon your lips you were lost in your thoughts when the same guy with the straw hat you saw in the restaurant looked at you while blinking a few times before he asked you if you were Cupid the god of love like Sanji told him.

· With confusion taking over your mind you stopped in your tracks. Who on earth was he and that Sanji guy and why did he call me cupid? You wondered.

· And there you were looking at him with pure confusion while he looked at you with huge impressed and curious eyes for good 2 minutes until you shook your head and asked him who he and that Sanji were. He smiled at you and let himself fall down to sit cross- legged in front of you on the soft, warm sand. Now how do you think he introduced himself? Exactly my dear.

· “I am Monkey D. Luffy the future pirate King.”, “Huh?”, “And Sanji is one of my crew mates and the cook on my ship. Now tell me are you Cupid or not.”

· “Why would I be cupid?”, “Well you are wearing a pink white dress and you have a bow and arrows. So I thought that you might be on your way to shoot some people with them to make them fall in love. So, are you Cupid?”,

· “Alright first of all Cupid is a mythological creature made up by humans. He or she doesn´t exists. Secondly you really don´t look like a pirate nor do the others in your crew beside that one green haired man with the swords if he is also part of your crew. Thirdly you want to become the pirate king? Why?”

· And this my dear was how you two started a conversation that was to 50 % about him telling you stories of his adventures, 25 % basically about nonsense. And the other 25 % were… well that was about you telling him that you weren´t cupid but a actual human with the name f/n l/n. But he actually never got it. Until now.

· Eight years after your first encounter with the weird men called Monkey D. Luffy you still were busy telling him that you weren´t Cupid. But by now you not only had to tell him that but also your son who rather called you Cupid instead of mama.

· Congratulations you have two idiots in your life you love to the moon and back and would actually fight Garp for.

Bonus:

· “Does he really think that your Cupid or is that supposed to be something like a cute name?”, asked Dragon, the leader of the revolutionary army

· “I stopped thinking about that long ago, Sir. I really don´t know how to answer that. But just to make it clear if that confused you too. My name is y/n not Cupid.”, you told you father in Law with a sweet smile.

· “Wait. Cupid is not your name?! That brat introduced you to me as Monkey D. Cupid!”, Garp looked at you and Dragon with disbelieve.

· “If you ever wonder why you husband is so stupid just please now that, that stupidity comes from Garp. Not me. I swear.”

a lil 2021 love

now that the entire world has entered 2021, i want to wish you all a very, very happy new year!! i don’t think i need to express how shitty 2020 was as a whole, so i won’t be going into detail. but, i do have to count my blessings.

this year brought me to tumblr, and in doing that, brought me close to a group of people i never expected to meet. people that i am utterly thrilled to call my friends, and people who have been there for me through thick and thin. i know y’all are probably sick of long posts, but here we go again!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!! 🥰✨

—🤍

✨ @ickle-ronniekins erica. i honestly can’t even begin to express what our friendship, and what you, mean to me. you were one of the first weasley twin blogs that i found back in march/april ish and i honestly have been so inspired by your work ever since. whether it be who you are as a person, or the way that you write, i’m constantly learning from you and i couldn’t ask for more in a friendship. we’ve learnt so much about each other (like how we both cry at everything and love reading sappy books) and it’s been truly an honour getting to know you. your messages never fail to crack me up and i’m so glad our friendship has extended its boundaries so we can continue to blossom as two dorks. 🤍

✨ @theweasleysredhair oh, my goodness. chloe. where do i even start. firstly, thank you for being such an amazing person. you radiate such positive vibes and i’m eternally grateful for your sunshine presence. you crack me up to no ends (“he was right up my arse in the foeh” is a personal fave) and i cherish every conversation we share. i have adored being an fbi bitch with you and fighting crime like the badass bitches that we are. never a dull moment with you, my friend. love u so very very very much & can’t wait to continue being geeks together.

✨ @wand3ringr0s3 haaaaaaley. my dude. my gamer. you are just an incredible soul. whether it be your fic ideas, or the way that you always have an answer for something, you really are a complete joy of a human being and i have adored getting to know you over the course of these last 10 months (omg??? 10months???) you’re never short on pictures and press panels, and you’ve always got the deets. plus, your writing is absolutely impeccable and i can’t begin to express how much i absolutely adore your fics. plus, your disney series just tugs at my heart bc i love that idea so much. love you so much, my friend, and can’t wait to make more memories in 2021!

✨ @diary-of-an-onliner theaaaaa. my wife. my bb. i just really love you. i never know what you’re going to say, or send (like some very cursed pics) but i honestly adore every single interaction we’ve shared. you’re an amazing person and an equally amazing friend. your positivity is insane and the way your support just flows out — we all just really adore you. i have also enjoyed being in the fbi force with you (for legal reasons, that’s a yoke🍳) and laughing at the smallest things together. please keep being you because i have never met anyone like you and i treasure you more than you know.

✨@harrypotter-and-the-onering YOU. you are just. you are amazing. a ray of sunshine. a positive little beam of energy and i love it. i also love all of your dog pics that you send. but more seriously, i love you. you are an incredible friend. like, you’re the dream friend everyone wants. and after your message that made me cry this morning, i mean that more than ever. you’re always bringing positivity and adore hearing your life stories. you’re so fascinating and i’m glad that we get to ring in the new year as friends! you mean so much to me (you and your thorin posters) and i’m beyond blessed that i get to call you a close friend.

✨@theweirdsideofstuff martyyyyynnnaaaaa you are just a wonderful soul. you always send the sweetest things and i love how we can always talk about anything and everything. plus, you have the cutest cats and i love your taste in tv shows (finally someone i know who watches money heist lmaoooo) so just keep being you and i promise, we’ll all continue to love you. wishing you the best in 2021!

✨@pit-and-the-pen ok, firstly. you’re one of the most talented people i know. your singing? perfection. plus, i just adore how you’re always there for people. i cherish all of our chats, and will continue to cherish the chats to come. plus, you’ve also got the coolest hair. you’re just so cool. if i were to think of one person who fits the word “dope” it would be you. love u so very very much and i can’t wait to continue being friends!

✨@thoseofgreatambition leeann!!! i just love you. you are just a fun, bubbly presence and i adore your spirit. you’re impossibly sweet and loving and i love all the stories you share. except last night. i didn’t enjoy our peppa convo. that will haunt me for the rest of my life. but im sending you oodles of love and am thrilled to know that we’ll continue to chat and dork out together into the next year!!

✨@elf-punk AHHH okay, firstly, you little genius you — this year you gave us all the greatest gift by bringing us together. when you created this group, i never expected to ever be where we are now. from our thirsting, to our conversations about spn, i’m so glad to have found a friend like you. you’re so intelligent and fun and i adore you in every sense of the word. love u so much.

✨@thatfuckingliardavidtennant ahhhh you beautiful, beautiful person, you. firstly, i’m jealous of everything about you, really. from how gorgeous you are inside and out, to the fact that you’ve met pretty much all of my celeb crushes. you never fail to bring a smile to my face (again, except last night when you brought forth the most cursed knowledge known to mankind) and i love your energy so much. so here’s to 2021 where i hope we can continue to be close friends!!!!

and to a few others. my thumbs are getting sore from typing this so i’m going to try my best and remember (as well as cherish) all of you who have been there through this crappy year and brought a smile to my face. love you all more than words can say and hope that we can create more whack ass memories in the next year! 🥰🤍

✨@vogueweasley @starlightweasley @feetoffthetablee @valwritesx @breadqueen95 @darthwheezely @whiz-bangs78 @gcdric @loony-loopy-lupinn @lumosandnoxwriting @slytherinsunrise @cappsikle @thisismynerdyself AND LOADS OF OTHERS THAT IM FORGETTING IM SORRY ILY ALL

and of course, to a few people who i don’t interact with much but have always been a wonderful presence:

✨@deanfanatic @kpopgirlbtssvt @thisismysketchbook @pigwidgexn @phuvioqhile you guys are so, so supportive and lovely and i cherish all of you to no ends. your comments and replies/likes make my day! love you all and hope you all stay safe and happy. 🤍

DOG YEARS // Harry Styles O.U.

Part 2: The Bar Cart

a/n: hey and welcome to part 2! this is kind of short but I felt that it  needed to be it’s own chapter (in my head it makes sense.) aw harry and colette are v sweet in this one (i love them already). also there is colette’s face claim in the collage/mood board above including real pics from the soho farmhouse. :) comments, likes and REBLOGS are v much appreciated happy reading! 

STORY PAGE // PART 1

What I had concluded throughout the night was that this small group of Harry and his friends were just so normal. It was so easy to watch him on a phone clip or on the screen of a TV for an award show and have a false preconception of who he was. After all, he was a huge celebrity -- it’s hard not to imagine him being a certain way. I never could have dreamed he would be the way he is though, I suppose that’s the beauty of first getting to know somebody. As the hours weened late and the clock neared 12 AM, I realized Harry Styles was as normal as any man in a baby chick sweater could be. 

I had never been a massive Harry Styles fan, sure if his song came on the radio I bopped along. If I saw him on my Snapchat Daily Mail snippets, I’d read them every so often — but other than that I had no true preconception of who he was and what he was about. I guess that came in my favor because I had no high expectations from him and therefore he could only go up from there. Throughout the night the five of us took an abundant amount of shots and played a few childish ‘Truth or Dare’ games. I found myself taking a shot of maple syrup and pickle juice MIXED — Harry’’s idea of a dare.

This was the most fun I had since moving over here to England, and in the presence of all these ‘misfit’ like personas, I felt at home. There was no awkward beats, shame or egos. The whole atmosphere was completely judgement free and as light as a feather. I talked to everyone, chatting away about California, good food spots, sports and more. I found it so refreshing to be able to relate to other people’s stories about my home state, a place I was starting to long for.

It was fair to say that we were all peak drunk around 12, dancing along to old 70’s hits as well as current ones. Jamie tried to teach us all  ‘TikTok’ dances she had learnt from her children back home. Of course the 5 of us tried our best to be choreographed and in sync, but failed miserably. Little did they all know I spent most of my free time perfecting these stupid dances. Of course any videos we took, were never posted publicly...but some did make the cut as a private post to a whopping 0 followers. Watching Harry Styles sing the words “I'm a savage. Classy, bougie, ratchet, sassy, moody, nasty” with a bunch of hip pops was an award winning scene.

So as it reached 1 am, I was near my max of what I could handle for the night. My head which was once spinning was now beginning to pound and that gross dry feeling in my mouth was taking over. I hated this part. I didn’t feel sick to my stomach yet but I knew if I didn’t get sleep soon I’d be regretting it.

“Hey, so do ya need a ride back home?” Harry’s raspy voice asked, reading the room very well. He had taken a sudden seat next to me on the couch, spreading his legs apart and laying his head back fully — complete relaxation.

“You drank tonight,” I reprimanded him jokingly. But I meant it, he was the most plastered of all of us. “You can’t drive, even if it’s just down the hill.”

“Can’t argue with that,” He hummed. “’M pretty trashed still.”

I turned my head towards him, he was still looking up as if he was admiring the wood paneled ceilings, taking every detail in. But when I looked closer, his eyes were shut. His face structure was flawless if I’d say so myself. His jaw looked like it could cut someone, his eyebrows full enough to make any girl jealous, and those floppy, thick waves — it was hard to admit that he wasn’t handsome. I blinked my eyes hard, trying to get out of the small trance I was under. I was drunk after all.

“Well…” I began, “I need to start heading down to my casa.”

“Well…” Harry chirped, directing his attention towards me. “If I can’t drive you back down, the least I could do is walk you there.”

“No, please,” I scoffed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Shaddup and grab your coat, it’s about to get chilly out there.”

I knew I’d manage doing the walk by myself well enough alone. The premises of Soho Farmhouse were protected with heavy security and gates. I knew I had no reasons to worry about a swift 5 minute trudge down a hill.

“No Harry, seriously. I’ll be fine!” I argued back, forming a tight lip smile to reassure him.

“Who knows?  A bloody chicken could be loose and start chasing you, ya? Plus, it’s my duty to make sure you get back safe. Now, up!” He instructed. “’M a gentleman.”

I knew there was no point in fighting back, he was adamant about it. Plus the look on his face when I obliged was well worth it. 

The two of us said our quick fair wells to everyone  who was still gathered round the kitchen island talking amongst each other. It might have been the alcohol, but I felt oddly emotional saying goodbye to all of them. For the first time in a month I made what felt like real connections with a group of people and all I wanted was to hang out with them forever. I was bummed knowing Jamie and Jeff would only be here for another week or so.

“Shall we take the wagon, bar cart contraption thing?” Harry offered, pointing to the blue wagon filled with alcohol. 

“I don’t even have the keys.”

“Fair enough, walking it is.”

“Thanks for having me tonight,” I spoke tiredly.

“Don’t even worry about it. Glad to be of assistance in the ‘lit’ department,” He laughed, using quotations around the word lit.

“You’re very Americanized,” I noted. He turned his head to me, raising his eyebrow as if he had just been accused of something terrible.

“That’s why I’m back here in the English countryside. Trying to ween away from all that LA bullshit…” He admitted, running a hand through his hair nervously.

“LA bullshit?” I asked, appalled...maybe even a little offended. Although I had lived in Northern California, an insult to one city of my state was an insult to all.

“Yeah, erm, spent too much time there ‘s all...” Harry mumbled. I was almost sure by his tone he was not giving off the complete truth but I didn’t want to push. Harry started to fiddle with his bottom lips, hit teeth constantly biting it over and over. Most likely a nervous habit. 

We continued walking along the cobblestone in silence, the click-clack of our shoes echoing through the emptiness of the night. Despite the quietness of it all, it felt pretty comfortable.

“I love LA,” I offered sheepishly. “I mean, as long as you surround yourself with the right people, I think LA’s one of the best places you could be.”

“Well you’re just saying that,” He countered. “You’re from California, you’re supposed to say that.”

“False!”

“I loved LA too,” Harry admitted, focusing his attention back to the cobblestone ground ahead of him.

“Loved?” I asked inquisitively.

He turned his gaze to me and laughed, “It’s complicated.”

“LA can have that effect,” I said back, trying not to delve any deeper. I had just met him today after all, there was no reason for him to trust me with any of his problems. 

“I think you staying here will definitely be a big change. It’s about as simple as it gets.” I didn’t want to delve any deeper and invade his privacy so I took his explanation as it was. I couldn’t help but think there may have been a direct correlation with his quick mood change yesterday and his reasoning for disliking California. 

“Looking forward to it,” He smiled. “‘S kinda just like, the perfect situation for me. No press, no distractions, just focusing on myself...the music.”

“Mmm, exciting.”

Harry caught my gaze, “You’ve got no idea.”

We began to approach my cottage, the smallest one on the property. The lights on in the kitchen we’re still on from when I left. They were now shining through the windows giving a angelic glow to the darkness of the night.

“No rush to get up early tomorrow.” Harry insisted as we approached the large wooden door. I looked at him excitedly, all I wanted to do was sleep in after tonight and he had just granted me his permission to do so.

“Really?” I questioned.

He nodded his head, “I’ll be sleeping in late too. Bloody tired.”

“Alright I’ll just wait for a text from Jeff..”

Harry cut me off swiftly, “Or myself.” He pointed a finger to his chest playfully.

“Or yourself,” I agreed.

“But don’t worry, like I said, sleep in and uh I’ll see you tomorrow maybe.”

For some unknown reason the air between us felt extremely awkward. I was still a little tipsy, but coming down quickly. I thought to myself that if this was any other guy, I’d probably be on my tippy toes and ready to kiss him, because why not? But it was Harry Styles. He was like my boss, I guess, and he’d have no interest in me. If anything he’d file a restraining order if I tried to pull something like that. I pulled my jacket closer to my body as the air swirled around us.

“Alright well goodnight!” I exclaimed bringing him in for a quick side hug. Harry quickly turned it into a full on hug, giving me a tight squeeze. He smelled divine. How badly I wanted to arch my head up and meet his lips, which were probably freezing. The alcohol just does something to me and makes me want to kiss almost anybody to be fair. Making out with friends whilst drunk was one of my famous traits. It was like he had handed his warmth over to me because being embraced in him I instantly felt warmer, any shivers I once had were gone.

He let go of me and awkwardly stood there, his hands flying into his pockets. “Just want to make sure you get in safe,” He noted, bringing his lips into an awkward smile, shooting his gaze towards the door.

“Oh yeah, of course,” I laughed nervously. I emphasized the key in my hand, giving him a big smile as I twisted it and unlocked the heavy door.

“Right,” He muttered.

“Get back safe!” I chirped, allowing myself to fully walk in the warmth of my cottage and turning to face him.

“I’ll text you.”

“Oh?” I arched my eyebrow at him jokingly.

“Goodnight, Colette.” And with that he turned on his feet, slowly waking back up the treacherous hill and to his abode.

I slammed the door fast, the thunderous noise vibrating through my whole cottage. I rested my back against it in a state of relief and confusion of the encounter I had just endured. Pulling myself back together and avoiding any intrusive thoughts I may begin to think, i decided to start up a hot shower and brew myself tea.

HARRYS POV

I felt weird. I hadn’t felt this way since the night I had met Camille, years ago at a friends party. It was a feeling I longed for, but also was scared of. The creative side of me wanted to embrace the feeling, the broken side of me wanted to steer clear. I knew the girl I had just waved goodbye to depended on this job, I couldn’t just ask for a replacement — plus, I was intrigued. I felt like I was at tug of war with myself over a girl I had just met earlier today. It was a tad ridiculous.

I figured the best thing for me to do was to only call her around when trulynecessary. It wasn’t like me to be this unwelcoming, but the feeling in my stomach that was creeping up to my mind was telling me to be this way. I wasn’t going to text her tomorrow for anything. Colette, right? Yep, that was her name — how could I forget it. A face as pretty as the name. I didn’t say much when I came back into my temporary home, instead I insisted I needed sleep and get a propers nice rest of what was left of it anyways. It was the most polite way to let my dear pals know to fuck off for the night. I loved them all, but I needed to get situated and I wanted space. Time to myself is what I cherished most.

I rushed up to my bedroom, shutting the door and entering the attached bathroom. I neatly undressed myself, taking a deep stare in the mirror. I looked at myself hard, the alcohol was still in my system so I appeared a little fuzzy. I felt older, my hairline was not what it used to be in the 1D days, it didn’t bother me but I had seen some tweets about it. My facial hair was growing in kind of unevenly, this is what I get for wanting to be independent and not have a stylish take care of how I look. I preferred it that way though, that’s how it should be.

Sighing, I went for the toothbrush and started on my nightly routine. I wanted to create a new set of routine now that I was becoming accustomed into this place I’d be calling ‘home’ for the next four months.

After freshening up, I let my body get underneath the cool covers, pulling them up high up to my neck to keep me warm. I stared at my phone that was sitting on the wooden table side. I always kept my phone on Do Not Disturb when I was taking time off for myself. Seeing a bunch of missed calls and emails stressed me out, and I wanted to detach from all that. I let out a puff of air, knowing what I’d be seeing if I decided to take a look at my phone. But the alcohol that was left in me couldn’t hold back so I reached for it anyways.

I quickly opened up the safari tab and typed my own name, something I was never keen on doing. I hadn’t done it for weeks actually, but I knew there was a part of me that needed to see what was being said. Just like that, a bunch of highlights of new articles and my name as well as hers were everywhere.

“Fuck..” I sighed, closing my eyes shut for a second. “Why..”

Camille Rowe, model and famed ex girlfriend of musician and heartthrob Harry Styles releases tell all book — including steamy details of  her former romance with the star!

Click. I waited for the page to load, nervously biting my lower lip.

There’s a lot of things we should thank Camille Rowe for — her Vogue tips on how to achieve the perfect Parisian makeup look, inspiring the fabulous Harry Styles Fine Line album and now releasing a book telling us ALL about her old relationship with the man himself!

Details in the book delve deep into her once what seemed great, but now known doomed relationship with the singer. She mentions details of cheating, jealously and what Harry’s really like in the bed. Thanks Camille — you’ve answered all of our questions. Turns out, Harry is just as packed as we thought he would be!

I couldn’t read it anymore, I felt humiliated and invaded of my privacy. Privacy. The one thing I valued most in my life, the one thing I hold onto like it is the most precious jewel in the world. Privacy — the one thing Camille knew was the most important aspect of my life. I grew up in the spotlight, placed under a huge amount of pressure and scrutiny. I felt as if I was made from a testing tube so specially to fit into a mold of a person I wasn’t.

For so long in my life I had felt as if people knew everything about me, even more than I did — and that’s a harsh feeling. I regained that privacy back after leaving the band and learned how to maintain a healthy balance of showcasing who I was to the world but holding back at the same time. It was what made my albums, my art, so special. Making my songs and putting them out there was  my own personal invitation to those who listened, to get a glimpse into my life.

I felt sick and the alcohol in my stomach stirred the more I thought about that damn book.I was getting older, and alcohol didn’t clique with my body the way it used to. I opened my messages up, seeing Camille’s name at almost the top of my list of new messages, probably trying to apologize.  What she should have done was ask if I was comfortable with her releasing a book that almost solely focused on our past relationship. A relationship that was well done with for almost 3 years now. For fucks sake, I’d always have love for the lady, but she never knew when she took things too far. I finally felt at peace and fully over her, and here she was ambushing my life and swiping away my beloved privacy.

I swiped left on the unopened messages, deleting them before even reading. I had to focus on the positive, that’s why I was here in the countryside after all. I hadn’t answered my publicist since the damn book came out last week, I didn’t even know where to start or what to stay. I wanted to keep silent, MIA.

Tonight with Colette though, I forgot about it all. She was stunning, there was no denying that. Funny too, and a little shy. She didn’t come off star struck by my presence, she treated me like any bloke off the street. Normal. Dropping her off at her cottage tonight, after spending the past few hours with her bloody gorgeous face, I wanted to snog her face off. Was I getting too old to be acting that way? I didn’t want to scare her off though, and that wasn’t really my style anymore.

Hookups and shit. The amount of one night stands from my days in the band were shameful. Thinking back to having security bring girls we thought were hot to our hotel rooms for a quick fuck, was so common back then, it was insane.  It was a part of my life that I felt deep regret for, and sickened me to think about. I was young, horny, and willing to give my body up to any girl. Most of the time, I felt awkward. I’d see a girl at the bar in a fancy hotel we were at, I wouldn’t even say a word to her, 20 minutes later I was back in my room, waiting for my security to drop her off for an hour or so. No phones, sign an NDA, show ID of proof of legal age, be my type and bam, she got to be fucked by Harry Styles.

Things were so much different now, I focused more on making those connections, I found it built more of an attraction. The lead up to the sex or the relationship, was now my favorite thing. After years of getting instant sex, waiting for it had now become the best part.

I shook my head, brushing away these invasive thoughts I wanted to avoid and memories I wanted to forget. Switching off the lamp beside me and placing my phone on charge, I dozed off.

I was tagged by the amazing @piningbisexuals thanks for tagging me!

1. Nickname - Okay I have like 600 of these but usually people call me Ollie/Olly and my friends call me Ollivander or Olliebobs!

2. Zodiac sign - Sagittarius! FIRE!

3. Last thing I googled - ngl I was searching up Tay's pics in the garcon photoshoot because.. I really need these in HD, skater boy Tay is a concept that has me CHOKING.

4. Height - yeah I'm super tiny I'm 155cm

5. Hogwarts house - I'm 100% the most obvious Hufflepuff ever (and I love it)

6. Song stuck in my head - Sissy's new song that came out a couple of days ago.. it has a chorus that sticks in your head and WON'T GO AWAY

7. Following - 39 I need to find more blogs to follow yikes no wonder my dash is full of tumbleweed

8. Followers - 1,526 which has me SHOOK I only made this blog like 4 months ago or something.. I'd probably only expected to have a couple hundred followers at this point so wow hi guys I adore you all

9. Amount of sleep - not enough! I'm terrible at sleeping I'm a high energy person so it's hard for me to switch off so catch me dancing through the house at 1am

10. Lucky number - 25 no reason, it's just a good number

11. Dream job - I want to be a translator/interpreter! It's been my dream for years and I'm finally gonna start uni next year and pursue it, so excited!

12. Wearing - Welp. Do I have to be honest? A blue t shirt and my pink flamingo boxers I'm cool I swear

13. Favourite songs - Someone To You by BANNERS and Back To You by Twin Forks also omg Only Us by Paperwhite

14. Instruments - like? What I can play? None but I have a cute guitar in my room I'll learn how to play him someday. But!! I had singing classes up until I was like 18 and I wasn't bad so if my voice classes as an instrument then!! yes that!

15. Random fact - (ooh I see this as an opportunity to talk about my dog so) I have a pupperoo called Honey, he's the world's smallest good boy I love him to the moon and back and I waste ridiculous amounts of time teaching him pointless tricks that help no one

16. Aesthetic - pretty languages and handwriting I could just sit and watch someone write Chinese characters for days and just be entranced by it

I don’t really know anyone on here yet but I’ll tag @ohbabycupcakes​, @dollopheadsandclotpoles​, @thaitheseries​ and @1akorn​

you don’t have to do it ofc! Hope you don’t mind me tagging you!

had a long dream where i was married to this guy that turned out to be a super powerful monster, so strong that after i told him i wanted a divorce he broke my arm just from grabbing it

his whole house was full of monsters, the maid was a zombie, the gardener was a werewolf, the butler was some kind of all-seeing guy that could answer three questions a day thruthfully, no matter the question

i couldn't get a divorce for some reason, my husband wouldn't allow it so i assumed i was needed as a sacrifice or something

i went online and found a monster helping agency and told them everything, a week or so later a chubby guy in a Hawaiian shirt and this skinny little blond guy showed up at the door pretending to be my friends from college, i invited them in and toured the house, which was actually for them to plan an escape route

when we were in the lower movie room my husband came and got suspicious because the two people smelled like monsters, but i introduced them as my old pals to try and make him relax

i pretended not to know they were monsters and went to get drinks from the kitchen, i don't know what happened but when i got back the two were slightly pale and my husband looked like he had a fun time and left when i got there

the two monsters explained that he was just testing them to see if they were a threat and because they were so weak in comparison to my husband he left them alone, they assured me that they would get me out, no human should be living here, they said

the whole plan went into action, i pretended that i would be going out to see my friends for a big class reunion party, dressing up in my most expensive clothes and jewelry (all gifts from my husband of course) and didn't pack anything so he would think i would be going out for a few hours at most

he seemed to know i was nervous and i tried to brush it off as something about not having met in a long time, and when i tried to leave by having the butler drive me my husband said that he would drive me there, something about needing to show me off

when we got to the building where the reunion was held i saw actual friends from college, i was so happy that i ran out and hugged them and spun them around, it was surprising to see at first but i guessed that the monster company had gotten all this together to help me make a real escape, i was going to meet up with them later because they were currently at my husbands house trying to get my stuff out

my husband seemed to believe it was a real reunion and came over to introduce himself, we all talked for a bit and then my friends insisted that he stay for the reunion, it was a class reunion but wasn't limited only to people that attended the class

i could almost hear my all the plans shattering to pieces, i had to get my husband back home somehow, but before i could say anything he declined saying this was an event for me to enjoy myself, and he would wait at home

i was overjoyed and said that me and my friends were going to have a swell time watching scary movies and bad comedies, both of which my husband hated (probably because he knows real monster and also has no sense of humor)

after the party it was arranged for me to go and stay at a hotel with a friend while she would call my husband and say i was drunk and resting in the hotel room, but in reality those friends were in on the whole thing and would be getting me on a plane to go to Europe, their acting was so amazing that i never knew they were in on it

they assured me that i was making the right choice, my husband came off really creepy to them and the fact that he refused a divorce made them into my biggest allies

meanwhile, at the my husband's house he ignored the call about me because the gardener smelled intruders, they didn't know it yet but it was the skinny little blond guy from the monster company, his ability was to turn invisible, he wouldn't make a sound or give the smallest hint to anyone that he was there, even if they were looking for him, although it couldn't completely get rid of his scent

he was walking around gathering all my important stuff and about to leave with it all when my husband approached him by the door, he couldn't see the invisible guy but sensed that he might be there and attacked instantly, piercing the invisible guy through the heart and crashing through the front door

the hawaiian shirt guy was observing everything from half a mile away, and almost blew his cover by gasping, but my husband, although he heard it, brushed it off as a passerby because it was far away

he threw the invisible man's corpse into a large furnace, but seemed to sense that there was someone else, he looked around but there was nothing, so he asked the butler how many people had come to rob the house, and the butler answered 'three'

my husband realized that there was another invisible person that came along, the guy he killed held a lot of valuables but it turns out that he had a twin sister that had already run off, carrying my stuff to the airport, with how strong my husband was they knew there was a possibility that they would die, so they planned for that event too

a huge chase was set off, the werewolf gardener leading the way to smell me out, but i had already left on a plane, so they chased me there too, while the werewolf disguised himself as a big red dog

eventually i was found by the werewolf, he told me my husband was at a base nearby and waiting for me to come back, since i didn't know the gardener very well i tried to get him on my side, saying that my husband didn't love me anymore and it was torture to stay by his side, and told him that as a human i couldn't be near him without being hurt by his strength, it was best for me to run away and never come back

this big werewolf gardener was actually a big sap with a heart of gold and told me that he would help, so we eloped! we eventually got together and made fun of my now ex-husband by misleading him, such as leading him to a pride parade while we were actually hiding and watching him become mistaken for an awkward closeted gay man, or giving him hints that i had gone to a nearby bank only for him to find that it was an entrance to an underground sex dungeon, or giving fake tracks to a maternity clothing store and trying to make him think i had bought clothes there because i was pregnant, then to see the cashier question him and watch him (through the security camera) as he explained i had run off with another man and he had come here to find me, so all the expecting mothers in the store snapped pics and spread bad rumors about him (because of course he came off as a weirdo creep to most non-humans)

it had a great ending lmao i was having so much fun with a new buff werewolf boyfriend

💖 I STILL HAVE YOURS I KNOW I KNOW ASD;FKLJSD;LFKJ

Send 💖 for something positive. This can be a positive OOC post, custom graphics, a starter, a headcanon about our muses… just about anything! Let’s focus on spreading comfort and positivity.

MARSHMALLOW // PART VOID, PART CHOCOBO, WHOLLY PERMANENTLY EXHAUSTED

Friend, you can take forever and then some or not respond, it’s a-okay.

Promo / header: PSDs THREE and SIX / PSD 

Ngl, I realized halfway through editing this that I accidentally turned V’s hair half white then kept going bc tbh?? Doesn’t look half bad. 

Promo / header: PSD / PSD 

That font really screamed Nier:Automata so ofc that I had to use it asdfghjkl.

Promo / header: PSDs FIVE, SIX, SEVEN and EIGHT 

Thiiiiiiis was interesting bc I usually avoid the overly edited stuff and I was gonna scrap it but then you actually liked it sO YEAH. This is the only scene I liked that I could find w/o watching CC bc he looks so extra extending both his arm and wing. 

HCs! 

V and Omen

I feel like they would spar quite often

half bc they need to keep in top shape and half just for fun

well, their definition of fun considering they don’t hold back

‘ I don’t think one hyper potion is enough for that ‘

affection but there’s always an undertone of danger so to speak

is it gonna be a kiss? is it gonna be a bite? who knows! 

drunk affection is the most interesting

V tends to insist on becoming one w/ Omen who ultimately lets it happen bc that means that V will stop trying to push himself into him

on the other hand, Omen tends to swear even more when drunk and probably ends up clinging to V as well

there’s one loop where they tore each other to shreds w/o the smallest remorse

okay, honestly, there is @ least one loop where they tried weirdest and most questionable things bc neither ever has the ‘ or maybe we shouldn’t ‘ thought

V and Prom

do you wanna bet that half the photos Prom takes on the photoshoots he asks V to accompany him on are indeed of V instead of their surroundings / w/e Prom wanted to take pics of

some say their kissing game is still going strong

altho somebody does cheat every now and then w/ sleepy kisses

spoiler alert, it’s both 

do you know those vids of dogs putting their heads in people’s palms? it’s Prom @ V bc the temperature difference is amazing even in a non-sexual context 

this is how V finds out that Prom is sick most of the time bc Prom won’t say anything 

awkwardly fumbling through dates bc V insists on getting Prom things while Prom waves him off saying that he doesn’t want anything 

Gen and Omen

Omen will forever remember Gen as the guy who’d fuck a demon / have a demon as their sugardaddy

he’s still both mildly disturbed and curious

‘ great, another dude attached to his book ‘

he’s referring to LOVELESS

still confused as to why people carry books w/ them

do they read in the middle of the battle?? 

l i sten, they’d be so extra together it’s ridiculous

Gen and Prom

‘ it’s the guy thinking about the future again ‘

sorry, Gen, neither seems to want to properly remember your name

catch Prom taking a ton of photos of Gen tho bc he’s so extra and makes for a great model

a sort of trade where Prom takes pics and in exchange he listens to Gen reading from LOVELESS

altho, honestly, it’s not that bad and he’d do it w/o the trade as well

We haven’t done crossovers so I can’t say anything certainly for either Omen or Prom w/ 2B / No.6 but there’s a beginning for everything. :D 

Annnnnnd on the final note, you! Yes, you! I think the very first time we ‘ met ‘ was way back on my RK900 blog altho from what I remember I didn’t follow back. I did look over your blog but being that @ that point I hadn’t had any contact w/ any of the FF titles in years and was mighty confused by it all, I ended up not following. I did see your interactions w/ Fry through them tho and read over them whenever they crossed my dash. It wasn’t until I made my Nyx that I did consider following back since it was the same fandom and all. Boy, am I glad I did do it. I loved every minute of V bugging Nyx and nearly driving him up the wall and then I made Prom and their awkward kissing game started and things grew from there. Likewise, when I added Omen, he and V hit it off immediately and the world / verse basically wrote itself. 

[deep breath] 

What I want to say is thank you for being interested in my stuff and giving me a chance. :3 I’m glad that we started talking and writing together despite me being the equivalent of a turtle when it comes to talking. Regardless of what muses you pick up, I will always follow you bc you breathe life into them like nobody else. Your writing style combined w/ the way you format brings everything to life in such a unique way. Keep being awesome!

Part 1, Chapter 8

Or: Spaghetti and Corpses, Boss

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Death Trilogy Volume 1

Venice—March 12, 1994

A black shape slipped from shadow to shadow in the late-night darkness. Weaving through the narrow streets and winding lanes of the ancient city, it moved without a sound, heading ever inward, toward Saint Mark’s Square at the center of the sleeping Metropolis.

The form, vaguely human in shape, traveled quickly, never hesitating to stop and stare at the stunning examples of Renaissance and Byzantine architecture that earned the city a reputation as one of the most beautiful locations in the world.

Whatever this shape is, clearly it’s a local.

Nor did it slow down on the numerous bridges it was forced to cross. Venice, situated on 120 islands and formed by 177 canals, was laced with over 400 such spans.

The shape won’t stop and enjoy the scenery, but Robert Weinberg did the research and damn it, he’s going to make sure you all know it.

The shape reaches Saint Mark’s Square, or Piazza San Marco if you want to impress the locals (you won’t), and we get some brief tour guide info on Saint Mark’s Cathedral and the Doge’s Palace as the shape glides past them. By the way, that’s Doge as in the historical supreme authority of Venice, not the meme dog.

I’ve been to Venice. It was one of our stops when my family went to Italy in ‘07. Let me give you some advice. Unless you’re way into history and architecture, you should spend, at most, two days there and not a day more. At the risk of sounding uncultured, Venice is boring. You take a gondola ride on the canals, you visit a glass art shop, you visit the above sites, and that’s all there is to do. 

Venice smells, too. If you google it, you’ll see some travel agency and tourist board crap about how oh, it’s just low tide and salt water, Venice doesn’t stink. Yep, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the city’s romantic canals doubling as an open-air sewer.

Our tour of old Venice ends at the Bridge of Sighs, behind the palace, and we transition back to the World of Darkness and one of its greatest evils: urban land development.

Once the famous arch led to the public prisons. Now the prisoners were gone, and in their place stood a vast, black skyscraper of glass and steel.

We get some background on the building. As you can imagine, the locals were pissed when it was announced that the old buildings were going to be torn down and this random modern corporate penis built in its place.

Opponents objected bitterly to the massive rebuilding project, declaring that the ancient jail was one of the city’s most prized landmarks. As usual, money spoke louder. The city-zoning commission had ignored the complaints and approved the design.

Soon after, a number of the most strident critics had disappeared from Venice. Reports by the police claimed that the citizens had angrily departed the city after being scorned by the city fathers. The more cynical inhabitants of the island said nothing and made their peace with the new skyscraper.

The building is forty stories high, which, phhhhht. That’s a baby skyscraper. All that trouble for a weenie building. I understand the cruelty was on purpose, but whoever owns this monument to hubris could’ve flexed better. Anyway, the building’s surrounded by a twelve-foot-high brick wall with only one gate and guardpost leading inside.

Whispered tales describe huge, red-eyed hounds that roamed the grounds at night. No one was sure what secrets the building contained. Other than a street address, the skyscraper had no name. None was needed. Among the residents of Venice the rectangular black giant was known simply as The Mausoleum.

We don’t learn who owns the Mausoleum for another few pages, but since we’re in Italy and there’s a vampire clan with an Italian as hell name, it ain’t hard to figure out.

The shape gets to the perimeter, but stops. There’s more than a brick wall. And it’s not just a brick wall.

Embedded throughout the barrier were small heat detectors that would record the slightest variation in temperature—warm or cold. The top of the wall was covered by thousands of inch-high, steel needles. Each was barbed with a curve designed to rip protective garments or skin to shreds. Powerful searchlights swept the inside perimeter of the compound every few minutes. Monstrous beasts roamed the grounds, things of nightmare that recognized no friend, only prey. Entrance to the Mausoleum other than through the main gate was impossible.

Understandably, the infiltrator decides to take the front door.

The gate, two six-inch steel doors, is guarded by four ghouls in black uniforms. Two were in a booth with a “complex video and computer network” which gave them live video of the company grounds, and the other two stood by the gate, armed with AK-47′s with high powered explosive ammo.  The shape’s plan on getting past? Wait for them to blink.

Even ghouls blinked. Human senses could not trace such rapid eye motions with precision. But the blot was not human.

Twenty-two minutes later, all four of them blink at the same time. The shape, the presence, the blot, whatever the narration wants to call the infiltrator, slips past them at that moment. As for the door, even though the crack between it and the ground is described as “microscopic,” the infiltrator is “molecules in width” and slips under easily. “The patch of darkness” heads for the Mausoleum’s entrance, a pair of giant glass doors, undetected by the “Hellhounds” wandering around.

Many vampires could meld their forms into the earth, becoming part of the ground. The moving shadow was one of the few that, having done so, could actually shift its location.

Sounds like Earth Meld, third tier power of Protean, the signature discipline of Clan Gangrel. The infiltrator isn’t a Gangrel, but there are other ways the infiltrator could’ve learned it.

Oh, right, and the moving shadow infiltrator is a vampire.

Beyond the glass door is an entrance hall, well-lit and painted completely white, guarded by a single ghoul in a glass booth.

His gaze, like those outside, never wavered, Getting past him would be more difficult.

They could just wait for the guard to blink like with the ones outside, but this way they get to show off more vampire powers.

Gathering its Mighty Will willpower, the shadow projected a single thought at the watchman. Sneeze, it commanded, sneeze. The guard sniffed, scowling. Sneeze, projected the shadow again.

Eventually the guard does sneeze. The infiltrator turns from a shadow on the ground into a white mist. That’s Body of Spirit, fifth tier of Proteus. The change between the two is described as taking “milliseconds.” They slip through another “microscopic” crack, this time between the top of the door and it’s steel frame, and flattened against the ceiling. All during the second the sneezing guard had his eyes closed.

All these descriptions like seconds and milliseconds and microscopic. And that brick perimeter outside with its heat sensors and barbed hooks. It’s like two kids trying to one-up each other while play-fighting during recess.

“My fortress is so secure it’s surrounded by evil dogs and the only way in is through cracks! And they’re smal- they’re my-cros-scos-pic!”

“Oh yeah, well I can turn into a shadow who can get past evil dogs and fit through the smallest cracks ever!

“Oh yeah, well I also have guards who watch every opening at all times all day every day!”

“Oh yeah, well I’m so fast I can get past them when they blink!”

“Oh yeah, well my bodyguards can sense your thoughts and teleport in front of you in a milly-second! And they’re Super Saiyan 5!”

“Oh yeah, well I’m Super Saiyan 6!”

Then one of them hits the other kid with a rock.

There’re more guardposts throughout the building, security cameras, and office workers running around even at this time of night, but the mist avoids them by moving against the ceiling, white-on-white, and finding the door leading to the basement. There, it messes around with the complex’s switch boxes.

The building was controlled by a computer monitoring system. Bypassing the built-in safeguards was child’s play, and the shadow was no child. Mentally, it attached invisible trip wires to the proper circuits. The emergency generator proved no more of a challenge. Plans set, it went looking for a way up.

Those invisible trip wires must be some kind of vampire magic, or else this thing was sneaking past guards and fitting through microscopic cracks while dragging around computer parts.

The infiltrator finds an elevator shaft, enters it, and rises to the fortieth floor. Despite there being security cameras pointed at the elevators, it does this with no problems. There aren’t any cameras in the shaft itself, which the narration notes is a “dangerous mistake.” Sensing that there’s no one running around on the fortieth floor, the infiltrator exists the shaft.

This part of the building was extremely well protected. A dozen deadly spells ringed the inner group of apartments. They were triggered by thought, not physical presence. One wrong move and the invader’s efforts would come to a hideous end.

Effortlessly, the misty form disarmed the traps. Instead of intertwining, so that releasing one set off another, they overlapped. The interloper’s Mighty Will powerful mind surrounded each spell and swiftly neutralized it. Not an alarm was sounded yet in the span of a quarter-hour, the entire top floor of the main headquarters of the Giovanni Clan of vampires was rendered defenseless from outside attack.

“Oh yeah, well my room is surrounded by a hundred magic spells that kills anyone who thinks in it!”

“Oh yeah, well I use my mind powers to destroy them! You should’ve mixed them together instead of making them on top of each other, idiot!”

“Oh yeah, well I turn into a Super Saiyan 20 and-”

That’s when a teacher finds them and makes them cut it out. They don’t want a repeat of yesterday.

No alarm went off, but someone noticed the top floor’s magic defenses were gone anyway, and the infiltrator hears the elevator, full of security personnel, begin to rise. The infiltrator uses whatever psychic BS they have to trigger their magic trip wires from earlier and cut off all power to the elevators. No longer having to worry about outside interference, the infiltrator slips into a room with the name Madeleine Giovanni marked on the door.

Inside the empty room, the mist begins to change, gathering form, turning solid.

In seconds it was gone, leaving standing in its place an attractive young woman with dark eyes and long black hair. Pale white skin and blood-red lips offered a sharp contrast to the black leotard that was her only garment.

Of course she’s hot. This time in a gothic gymnast way!

Walking to a nearby closet filled with women’s clothes, the intruder searched carefully until she found an old-fashioned black velvet gown. Nodding, she slipped out of the leotard and pulled on the dress.

A more low-brow franchise would have the security guards arrive just before she gets the dress on.

It fit perfectly, hugging her slender form as if by design. Reaching into a box on a shelf above the clothes, she extracted a stunning silver necklace and draped it around her neck. It was decorated with the same family crest that marked the front end of the Mausoleum. A pair of short heels completed the outfit.

It’s obvious, but in case you’re glazing over this because you thought the sneaking mission stuff was boring, our infiltrator is Madeleine Giovanni. She broke into her own clan’s main headquarters.

Smiling at herself in a full-length mirror, she strolled across the chamber to a second door. Gently she wrapped on the paneling.

That bit with the mirror. It’s a male novelist cliche to write a woman protagonist examining herself in a mirror and mentally describing every one of her physical features. Y’know, as women do, am I right, herp derp? To Weinberg’s credit, he doesn’t do that with Madeleine. Now if this were Flavia, whose high cheekbones, sensuous lips, and great tits he felt the need to describe twice, who knows.

“Enter,” growled a loud voice from the other side. The speaker did not sound pleased. “You little witch.”

Madeleine enters a huge corner office. It’s lined with dark-tinted windows with a view of Venice one can enjoy without having to smell it. She addresses the man inside as her sire, and informs him that she tested the building's security and found it "...underwhelming." 

A tall man with graying hair, he had the face of an aristocrat.

Appropriate, since Clan Giovanni is one big The Aristocrats joke.

He was impeccably dressed in a dark, three-piece suit with a white shirt and an unadorned tie. His only concession to color was a blood-red rose tucked into his buttonhole. When he walked the earth in human form, hundreds of years ago, Pietro Giovanni had had a passion for beautiful flowers. Undeath had left that sentiment unchanged. As manager of the Mausoleum and one of the most powerful Kindred in Europe, he could afford to indulge his vices. Large and small.

The two vampires sit down to have a discussion about the Mausoleums’s security. Pietro acknowledges that even though he thinks Madeleine is “the most accomplished saboteur” of his childer, and that no other Giovanni could get past their defenses, the Mausoleum is still technically vulnerable to potential enemies. He asks her what she recommends.

This conversation goes on for about a page and a half. Madeleine thinks that they rely too much on ghouls and that while loyal, they’re a weak link in their defenses. The four out front need to be better trained and with better security equipment, meant to “compliment their efforts, not duplicate them.”

“The Hellhounds?” asked Pietro.

“A minor force,” answered Madeleine. “Feed them less. They need to be hungrier.”

Hey now. I know these are ghouled monster dogs bred to main and kill, but that ain’t necessary. More practically, the narration said the Hellhounds wouldn’t attack anything they couldn’t see, hear, or smell, so how’s being hungrier going to help them notice moving shadows? More likely they’d turn on each other instead.

She ramps down the dickishness when talking about things like replacing the ground around the building with artificial sod, installing electric currents in the door frames, and repainting the entrance hall with stripes, but then ramps it back up when she gets to the poor sneezing guard.

Her eyes narrowed. “The ghoul at the entrance. His mind is too weak for the task he performs. I bent his will with minimal effort. He never realized I was manipulating his thoughts. He is worthless. Kill him.”

“As you wish.” Pietro pressed a button on his desk. “Summon the ghoul watching the entrance of the Mausoleum to room seventeen. Disarm him when he enters. Give the fool an hour to contemplate his sin against the House Giovanni and beg for forgiveness. Then feed him to our neonates.” Pietro paused, then continued. “Make sure the other ghouls assigned to guard duty are present and watch. It should inspire them to higher standards.”

“And it’s almost time for dinner. Bring us up two babies. Make them Asian. Tibetan, in fact.”

Also, here’s some fun facts about what it means to be a Giovanni ghoul, from the White Wolf Wiki Giovanni page:

“Giovanni make an art out of ghouling, since ghouling is a rite of passage for the Giovanni – ghouling means that the Giovanni is now part of the people who make the family work. Not necessarily a mover and shaker, but something akin to a made man: the Masquerade is pulled back and the truth about vampires is revealed. Giovanni tend to make Proxy Kisses aesthetic efforts, and take a point in pride in producing especially memorable or mind-destroying ones – blood received via fellatio, blasphemous masses and the like are all popular choices.”

If that ghouling process is the same for regular ghoul employees as it is for potential future vampire ghouls, then that guard had a shit life.

Madeleine goes on to suggest security cameras in the basement and elevator shafts, and motion detectors. They’re briefly interrupted by a phone call. Along with the elevators, Madeleine had also turned off all power on the lower levels, which she turns back on when asked with a snap of her fingers. Then they get on the subject of magic spells.

“Now explain what you want done with the spells. Anything involving the black arts has to be approved by the clan elders.”

I’m guessing all these spells are blood magic. I don’t know a whole lot about the metaphysical side of World of Darkness lore. I know that Mage magic is based on “bending reality” and that vampires can’t do that, hence Clan Tremere’s whole thing with having to learn Thaumatergy to compensate for their lost magic. If these spells aren’t blood magic, then I don’t get what the difference between that and Mage magic is.

“They spent the next hour talking.”

Meaning by the time they’re done that guard is already neonate chow.

Finally, Pietro raised his hands in mock surrender. “Enough. You have convinced me. I will raise your points with our esteemed ancestors at the next board meeting. There will be no objections.”

“Right after we have the vote on whether pineapple-on-pizza is grounds for excommunication.”

“Good,” said Madeleine. [...] “You realize, grandfather, I went through this escapade merely to insure you are properly protected.”

“Yes, my precious one,” replied Pietro fondly. “You are my greatest treasure. I thank you for your concern.”

The narration introduces one of the big Giovanni gimmicks: Every member, vampire and mortal, no matter how distantly, is related. Literally one huge family, descended from the first Giovanni, Augustus, and his family at the time he got his... start, sometime in the Dark Ages.

With that much focus on family and this being dark fantasy, you know what that means. It’s inevitable that incest would come up. The White Wolf wiki tries to downplay this, implying that the clan’s “incestuous nature” is more a structural thing, with some Giovanni rarely interacting with anyone but other Giovanni and the problems that can cause with their worldview and social interaction. But no, there’s still plenty of the gross hillbilly literal kind of incest going on. Luckily, nothing in this book suggests that the relationship between Pietro and Madeleine is anything more than granddad sire and granddaughter childe.

Madeleine had been Embraced by Pietro, establishing their relationship in undeath. She was also the daughter of his only son, Daniel, who had met the Final Death at the hands of Don Caravelli, the Kindred master of the mafia. It was a debt both father and daughter had sworn to repay.

Normally, Giovanni aren’t suppose to Embrace members of their immediate family. Some other Giovanni a few branches on the family tree away’s supposed to do it, otherwise it would encourage nepotism. It happens anyway, but it’s frowned upon.

And despite being a powerful and influential Italian criminal organization with ceremonies comparable to becoming a made man, the Giovanni aren’t part of the Sicilian Mafia. In the general lore the Giovanni have connections in the mafia, but they’re both separate organizations. Remember, the mob is Sicilian, the Giovanni are northern Italian. It’s a moot point anyway, since they’re enemies in Blood War thanks to a classic you-killed-my-father feud.

The narration describes two other big things about the Giovanni, what it refers to as their “two ruling passions: money and death.”

Their skill at manipulating finances was matched only by their powers of necromancy. Of all the Kindred, their clan was the most heavily involved with the world beyond. No one was sure what ghastly rituals they pursued in secret vaults beneath family enclaves. Rumors spoke of an incredible plot to control not only all life but the spirits of the dead as well.

That’s all true. Their “take over the worlds of both the living and the dead” plot’s a hell of a thing, but it’s irrelevant to Blood War.

Equally mysterious was the exact extant of the Giovanni fortune. Like a gigantic financial octopus, the family business had spread tentacles throughout the world. Connections with the Catholic Church, firmly established during the Inquisition, had further enabled the clan to penetrate markets unreachable by any other banking institutions. The Giovanni controlled billions in assets. A word from the clan elders could plunge the world into a depression that would leave entire populations destitute.

That’s why they’re able to survive despite being a treacherous, incestuous gang of necromancing wannabe world conquerors who everyone hates.

Clan Giovanni’s financial power is emphasized a lot more than their necromancy in Blood War, to the point where when I first read this as a kid I thought the Giovanni’s thing was being a young nouveau riche clan that gained its power through finance and connections rather than clan prestige or whatever. In a way they’re that, but every other V:TM media seems to focus on their skills in necromancy and their depravity. Getting back into the franchise and learning all that was... It was a “huh” moment.

Giovanni necromancy being out of focus in this story likely has something to do with our main Giovanni POV character Madeleine’s skill set.

Madeleine was unique in the clan in that she possessed skills unrelated to either necromancy or high finance.

“She was so bad at both she lost a 50K bet that she could summon Beetlejuice.”

Fanatic in her devotion to family honor, she had devoted her entire existence to avenging her father. A century of intensive training and rigid discipline had turned her into a master of industrial espionage and corporate surveillance. She was the hidden dagger of the Giovanni empire.

Though she was responsible for many of the clan’s greatest triumphs, engineered through a combination of sabotage, blackmail, and assassination, Madeleine was virtually unknown outside the Mausoleum.

And that’s why none of you have ever heard of her until now.

(The wiki has nothing about her. There’s an entry for a Pietro Giovanni, but he’s a different character from the one here.)

The in-universe reason she’s unknown outside her grandpa’s house is because she kills anyone who sees her during a mission.

Yet despite her successes, Madeleine remained unfulfilled.

“The Beetlejuice incident still burns her to this day.”

Three times she had tried to penetrate the secret fortress of he ultimate quarry, Don Caravelli, and three times she failed.

A third kid on the playground would just say “I fucked your mom” whenever the first two tried to say anything.

The Mafia chief, controlling a criminal empire that equaled the Giovanni clan’s in wealth and power, lived in the most secure hideaway in the world. Caravelli knew Madeleine waited for him the moment he left Sicily and thus refused to travel. The Don was no coward, but he was also no fool.

Equal to the Giovannis in wealth and power, huh? Not bad for a mostly mortal organization that didn’t exist before the 19th century.

Before the chapter ends, Pietro finally introduces his granddaughter to her purpose in the story. It involves a certain detective.

“I have a special mission for you,” declared Pietro. He pushed a manila envelope across the desk to her. “Everything necessary for your trip is here. You are to leave for America immediately. In the city of St. Louis, I want you to locate a human named Dire McCann. Finding him should not be difficult, as the kine has ties to the local Prince.”

“And when I find him?” asked Madeleine. “What do you want me to do?”

In two words, Pietro told her.

So yeah. That’s the Giovanni. Incestuous necromancer mafia-but-not-really Italian vampires. What a weird fucking stereotype.

boyfriend!taeyong

oooh boy let's go

taeyong would be such a good boyfriend

not huge on PDA

likes to keep most of that stuff for in private

but he loves holding hands

like all the time

doesn't matter how cold it is he says his hand will keep you warm

it doesn't but he rubs it with both his hands and blows on it anyway

he loves you more than he loves the camera

just barely though

pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures

takes candids of you all the time

you don't even know until you go on his phone and there they are

so many of them and you get all flustered and you're like omg delete this it's tragic

bc it's a pic of you sleeping and your hair is a mess but he refuses bc he loves your messy hair and he loves looking at photos of you

always mocked for his collection of candids of you by nct

speaking of cameras you got him a polaroid one for his birthday

so he also takes about a million polaroids of you which makes some people (mostly Jeffrey) salty

because like why has he got hundreds of you and like three of nct where are his polaroids

he has a lot more than three he just won't tell Jeffrey that

everyone is tired of buying him film for the camera

he takes a photo every time you guys have a date so he can always relive the memories when he misses you

okay so dates !!!

he loves taking you places

his favourite dates are picnic dates

bc pretty parks ?? he gets pretty pictures out of it

also it's a great spot to find dogs to pet

he loves dogs

he also likes going to zoos and aquariums with you

you guys take turns trying to imitate the animals and 11/10 always embarrass yourselves

he never lets go of your hand when you're out together

he leads you around and always has a protective arm around you

you got lost in the crowd once because you saw a squirrel and he cried when he found you

he is the softest boy

especially for you

and winwin

(mostly winwin)

he loves to cuddle you

so clingy

like you're tryna cook and he's wrapping his arms around you mumbling about how you should be cuddling him instead

his favourite thing is when you're reading

he lies his head on your lap

and you run your fingers through his hair with one hand

he's just so content (!!!)

loves when you play with his hair

likes it more when you put down your book to talk to him

he just lies there telling you about his day with his eyes closed and suddenly his stress disappears??? where'd it go?? he doesn't know?? he just knows nothing is as relaxing as you running your fingers through his hair

makes you flustered for fun

will comment on how cute your hair is or how you look when you concentrate and then laugh as you blush

he's lowkey so proud he can always make you flustered over the smallest things

he thinks you're somehow even cuter when you're a blushing mess

also goes shopping with you all the time???

like if he sees you checking out clothes but not buying them he'll get them on the lowkey

and you're like ??? stop ???

but he wont ?? if he wants to buy you something he's going to do it like no two ways about it

carries your bags like a good boyfriend

the highlight for him is the coffee you get afterwards

perfect candid picture material !!!

has no interest in actually shopping just loves to spend time with you and coerce you into getting cringey couple items

you have too many ridiculous matching snapbacks to even think about

another source of mockery material for everyone

but really they love you

you're like their 2nd mom

once you decided to make him a lunch box because he works hard and you wanted to surprise him

next thing you know you had 15 more

you made everyone lunch boxes

it somehow became sort of regular

you'd make lunch boxes for everyone and eat with them

you're always smothered in hugs two steps in the door

they love you so much

once the minis called you "eomma" as a joke

but it sort of never stopped and now you have babies calling you mom all the time??

taeyong thinks it's the cutest thing like yes !! look at you helping to take care of his babies !!

then he thinks of having kids with you and cries a little because he knows you'll be such a good mom

he can't wait to have 15 kids with you

and puppies

he loves puppies

he sends you cute puppy pictures all the time

lowkey any cute animal pics

sometimes you get texts of a dog and it's like

"LOOK AT MY NEW FRIEND !!!!!!1!!1!"

he is preparing you for the fifteen dogs to come

one for each of your kids

he's probably gonna get you a puppy for your birthday

it's lowkey so he can play with it

but also see you with a puppy??

so cute he might die !!

gets a little jealous when you pay too much attention to anyone else

he'll just grumpily wrap his arms around you and pout until he's involved in the conversation and inevitably he gets your attention again

overprotective boyfriend !!

always calls to make sure you've eaten and that you're resting well

(even though he probably isn't doing the same)

when he's too busy he asks a member to look after you and make sure you're getting out

"taeyong i am not a dog stop telling ten he needs to take me out for air!!!"

he just worries about you a lot

especially when he has lots of work, he's worried you might feel neglected

you never do

he always calls and texts

and sends someone to walk you

sometimes when he gets really stressed he comes to see you

and he's really quiet

and you're like ???

because he's such a happy energetic boy ??

when you ask he tries to put it off because he doesn't like to burden you he thinks he's already burdened you enough with his past

worries about that more than you will ever know

he thinks he is not good enough for you at all and has to be reassured constantly that you love him, by you and his members

you have to reassure him that he doesn't burden them, either

the stress of being a leader gets too much for him sometimes and you just want to cry because how can you help him???

he worries about how the babies look up to him

and he thinks that he isn't a good role model because of his past and you want to slap him for being so silly

because there isn't a better role model for the babies in the world and you wish he could see that

he doesn't cry much but when he does it breaks your heart

he deserves the world and you never hesitate to let him know

you shower him with love and kisses until he's not crying, he's laughing

and then he kisses you and looks into your eyes and tells you he loves you so much

and ?? suddenly you're crying??

he's too sweet

especially when he kisses you !!

he loves to smother you in kisses like tiny little pecks all over your face

it disgusts his members

but he doesn't care because he loves you and wants everyone to know

(trust me they know)

he just wants so much love

pls give this boy the love he deserves

bc he deserves a lot

like all of the love

!!!

Trip Report – Santa Fe

The decision was made immediately after Kari-Lise and I got our first dose of the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccine back in May. TRAVEL. Travel was calling. Call it a spontaneous trip or revenge travel, we were hungry for the world. Like everyone else, we’d spent last year social distancing and sticking close to home, doing our part to stop the spread. Now, on our way to being fully inoculated and assured we wouldn’t unknowingly spread the virus to others, we craved a change of scenery—something opposite from the verdant mountains of Western Washington. We plotted our vaccine schedule, figured out the timeline, and booked a trip.

It’s been a decade since we visited Santa Fe, and it’s no surprise the city called to us once again. It’s an easy trip in non-pandemic times and was a place we both wanted to revisit. In May we weren’t sure how everything would play out, but we decided to roll the dice and plan for a trip of a few days exploring the town and the surrounding landscape. It was well worth it. Like any instance of travel, I came away feeling invigorated and creatively inspired. After a year at home, it was good to get away, breathe the thin desert air, and visit a place so unlike my daily experience. As the pandemic recedes in here America, everyone is still feeling out public behavior. But even with the mild awkwardness, the results were a trip comprised of fantastic food, incredible art, and surprising exploration.

The Food

It’s not going to be possible to share this trip without hitting on the copious amounts of delicious food we devoured. New Mexico is the land of the chile, and red and green varieties show up in every menu across the state, no matter what cuisine. When ordering, one is often asked if you want red or green chile—you can also opt for both by ordering your meal “Christmas.” (Yeah, it sounded corny the first time I said it as well. But the place is called Santa Fe. *rimshot*) Neither are particularly spicy despite the many warnings for tourists, but both are complex and flavorful. Trying different combos is worth the effort there’s no wrong choice here. Choose what works for you and enjoy.

Standout meals include the tacos from El Chile Toreado (arguably some of the best tacos I’ve ever had). The Short Rib Birria from Paloma, probably the fanciest dining we experienced on the trip. Solid enchiladas from The Shed (a return visit). And a strange little chile dog from the Taos Ale House; a mess to eat but incredibly delicious.

The Art

The third-largest art market in the United States is an artery running through the heart of Santa Fe along a street known as Canyon Road. (At this point it has spread well beyond Canyon Road, but posterity likes a metaphor.) The narrow lane is lined with over a hundred art galleries and studio spaces full of a variety of art. Everything from contemporary to traditional art, sculpture to jewelry, couture clothing to leather goods is offered somewhere along the route, and it’s easy to lose yourself for half a day or more.

These wind sculptures were quite relaxing.

Much had changed in the decade since our last visit, as one would suspect. Couple that with a receding pandemic and Canyon Road felt like a place awakening from a long slumber. In some spots, masks were optional for the fully vaccinated. Others were still being cautious and requiring masks and social distancing for all guests. We were happy to oblige and spent many hours wandering through the galleries discussing art and finding new favorites.

The standout for me was discovering the work of Grant Hayunga at his own recently opened gallery. His work varies but what stood out were his mixed media pieces that sat somewhere between paintings and relief sculpture. Made of various materials, calcium carbonate, crushed marble, beeswax, Hayunga creates fascinating pieces that explore humanity and our relationship with nature. My favorite from this series is fur trapper a recent piece from this year. He also creates these stunning neo-traditional landscapes, one of which—2016’s Asleep—enthralled both Kari-Lise and me. It’s all beautiful work, easily my favorite of the whole Canyon Road experience. You all need to buy more books from me so I can get one of his pieces.

“fur trapper” 2021, hanging in the Grant Hayunga Gallery

Meow Wolf

Canyon Road wasn’t the only artistic experience of the trip. When we last visited Santa Fe, the art collective known as Meow Wolf was still in its infancy. In the decade since our visit, they have experienced significant growth. Their permanent home in Santa Fe is a former-bowling alley funded by some local guy named George R. R. Martin. It sits near the southwestern edge of the city as is home to their first large-scale interactive art experience House of Eternal Return. It’s amazing. The whole thing plays out like an interactive X-Files episode.

I can write a thousand words on what is inside, but it’ll never do it justice. Even photos don’t really capture the magic. You begin outside a modest home oddly enclosed in a warehouse (the reason why is eventually explained). After you pass through the front door (it’s open), you’ll soon discover a rich story told through journals, newspaper articles, videos, and photo albums, pictures on the wall, toys in the bedroom, and much much more. It all ties the family that resided there and their experiences to the surreal worlds you’ll interact with as you move beyond the House itself. I don’t want to go into too much detail on the experience since the House gives back what you bring, and spoilers remove that sense of wonder. (I even consider not sharing pics.)

I came away feeling inspired by the whole thing and thought it’d be great to someday recreate a corner of Lovat for readers to explore in person. Will it ever happen? I don’t know. My “Old Haunts” project is a small attempt at capturing some of that, and while I love them, being able to do it in person would be so rich and satisfying. Imagine standing outside Russel & Sons with rain dropping down around you, muffled jazz blaring from somewhere above, and the smell of spicy noodles cooking from a push cart down the street. Rad idea, right?

House of Eternal Return isn’t Meow Wolf’s only project. They have another installation that went live this year, and more experiences are planned for the future (Denver and eventually Washington D.C.). We’re already looking at a trip to Las Vegas for one reason: visit Omega Mart. Think cosmic horror as a grocery store chain, and you’d be on track. (Check out some of their ads.) It all sounds as creepy and weird and wonderful as I’d hope. I am excited to explore its aisles in the future.

New Mexico Highlands

On a whim, we decided to leave Santa Fe behind and head out into the country. We did this a decade ago, heading northwest toward Abiquiú and the Ghost Ranch. This time we headed northeast toward Taos. Early-summer storms were sweeping across the land, and you could watch enormous dark clouds trailing tails of rain and shadow for miles. For some reason, I expected more of the high desert environment like what I saw ten years previous. But the land toward the northeast was very different to that of the west, it rose suddenly. As we left the desert behind, we found ourselves in the foothills of the Sangre de Cristo Range of the Southern Rocky Mountains. I’ve grown up among the Rocky’s most of my life. But driving north along highway 68 and looking across the vast Taos plateau and seeing the gorge carved by the Rio Grande was utterly breathtaking. I’ve seen deep valleys before, but never one carved in such flat and open land and from such a height. I still find myself reflecting on that view. Seeing the ground opened up that way was like staring into the vastness of time.

The Río Grande Gorge from the Taos Overlook, off State Road 68 near the “horseshoe.” Photo from the Taos News.

Instead of continuing East across the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge, we decided to loop up into the mountains. We found ourselves in Carson National Forest, taking the High Road to Taos scenic byway back to Santa Fe. This is proper mountain country, think tall trees, deep valleys, tiny communities tucked away into hollows, and vast untouched stretches of forest for miles and miles. It all felt closer to home. Beautiful, but not at all what I anticipated.

So Much More

Santa Fe and the surrounding land can be a bit surreal at times. Modern art and interactive art experiences exist alongside deep history. The Palace of the Governors, erected in 1610, is the oldest public building in continuous use in America. Just down the street is the San Miguel Mission, the oldest church in the United States. Outside of Taos is the Taos Pueblo, the oldest continuously inhabited community in the United States, originating sometime between 1000–1450 A.D. and not discovered by Europeans until the sixteenth century. And that only scratches the surface of what you can find in this small section of the state. This doesn’t even begin to cover other places in New Mexico we were unable to visit, locations like White Sands, Roswell, Carlsbad Caverns, Shiprock, Trinity, the burning of Zozobra, Los Alamos, and so much more. There is a density of wonder here and New Mexico doesn’t hold back and is very much worth your attention.

Advice & Tips

You’re going to want to rent a car, this is big country. That said when in town, be willing to walk. There’s so much to see in Santa Fe, and unexpected places are often found on foot.

Eat everything. Try new dishes. Explore New Mexican cuisine. Fear no chile. Don’t be put off by location. Sometimes the smallest trucks tucked into the quietest corners can have the best tacos.

Scenic byways are your friend in Western States and New Mexico is full of them (High Road to Taos, Turquoise Trail, Santa Fe Trail, among many many others). While slower than major freeways, these routes will give travelers glimpses into a New Mexico easily missed by tourists. The extra time is worth it.

This was my fourth trip into New Mexico, my second to Santa Fe, and easily my favorite of the bunch. Each time I visit, the trips get a little longer, and each time I return I wish I had stayed a few more days. The name “Land of Enchantment” is a fitting one. The terrain there is haunting, rich in history and legend, and it calls to the traveler to take time and explore its wonders.

I’m not going to lie, it’s weird to travel right now, even fully vaccinated. People are rightly nervous, business hours are funky, and what we thought of as “normal” has changed significantly. Traveling at the end of a pandemic requires a lot of patience and copious amounts of kindness and empathy. We’re in a transitional period, and those can be both interesting and weird to navigate. However, it’s still worth it to get away for a time, and allow oneself to experience the world again. It was good to return to New Mexico, and a shame to have waited so long to return. Here’s hoping our next visit comes sooner rather than later.

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When social media becomes too "social"

Recently, I’ve been wanting to do a social media purge. It’s just always this strong urge to, as a bare minimum, delete all my social media applications on my phone and just live off of them for a while. The thing is, though, the more I think of doing it, the more I find myself not being able to do it. Social media has somewhat formed this sixth sense that has morphed into something that cannot be undone once you contract it. It’s that “fear of missing out” people call, that unsettling feeling that you won’t be able to catch the latest news of your world whether local or foreign, or the most recent activities of that celebrity or group that you fangirl/boy over, or maybe even the daily happenings of your friends as you tap on your screen and see who they’ve been with, what they’ve been up to, where they’ve gone, and how much fun they’re having as they live their lives to the fullest.

Do you know that feeling? Well, obviously, you’re not alone.

The first social media platform I tried swearing off from was Facebook. During the throes of academic life, Facebook just proved to be the ultimate distraction with its everlasting scroll of news feed filled with pictures of your friends, quotable quotes and Bible verses from your titos and titas, and videos ranging from those adorable cats and dogs, to those delectable recipes that are—let’s face it—not as replicable as they seem. It seemed easy enough at first as I rendered myself busy with schoolwork to even bother opening the app. Things got even more desperate when I started turning my notifications off, but that’s when I realized that I needed those notifications from my professors and the class coordinators who posted regular updates in our Facebook groups.

The next platform I tried—and, I’d like to believe, am still—swearing off from was Instagram. At the end of the day, everything I saw there just became too superficial. There came a time in my life that I was at the lowest of lows that I’ve ever been in and I’d find myself all alone in my room, a recluse from the real world but alive and kicking on the online world. I would open the app then open people’s Stories, tapping the screens endlessly, viewing these 15-second video or 10-second picture snippets of their lives. It reached a point where I would finish all the Stories that were viewable in one sitting and I would realize that about one or two hours have passed. Every single time I tapped the screen to view more and more Stories on end, I found myself thinking of ways to make my own Stories seem as good as theirs. I tried and tried but eventually came to the conclusion that I couldn’t. When I finally closed the app and let go of my phone, reality came crashing back and it struck me, at that moment in the lowest of lows of my life, that nothing right now was just that Instagrammable. Try as I may to think of pictures to edit and post, happenings to Boomerang into an artistic video, I just couldn’t. I thought, nothing in my life makes sense and is pretty at all right now, so why even put up a front online that everything is fine?

I’m not gonna lie, but on Instagram, some people just make it so easy to manicure their lives into the most perfect version they could become. Filtered photos, curated profile grids, relevant feeds; all of these blurred into each other. I mean really, some people can manage to make a bunch of leaves look like a piece of art like how?????? It’s very unlike Twitter, the only platform I couldn’t really give up with its constant updates on anything and everything. By anything and everything, I also mean those brutally honest opinions to the point that everyone is “woke” about every single social issue or just plain sad as people voiced out their rants to nonexistent ears.

Things eventually got better, of course, and went back to as normal as things could be in. Unfortunately, try as I may to avoid Facebook and Instagram, graduation season came abound and us graduates were somehow duty-bound to post every single graduation photo we had and give our “heart reax” to every single graduation pic and say “Congratulations!” and “Padayon!” to all my fellow graduates. It’s not supposed to take too much of your time and effort, considering that this can all happen while you’re lying on your bed, but I’m not gonna lie that time period was socially draining. I know we’re all obligated to say our thanks and show our gratitude, especially to family members and teachers of time gone by who comment out of the blue, but personally, there’s this nagging voice inside my head that keeps reminding me that every single thing that you see online is pretentious, superficial, ostentatious, a front.

In my downtime, I got to thinking why I thought of social media that way. My personal realization made me understand that it’s when social media gets too “social” that it becomes too toxic. This topic, I swear, has been discussed so many times to the point of cliche but there’s a reason why it’s still relevant. Social media has integrated itself into our lives so much so that our every move is now defined by it. We look for activities that are share-worthy on Facebook. We go to places that are Instagrammable so we have something to flaunt. We “stay woke” and expose various issues from the trivial to the political to make sure they are heard on Twitter. Marketing strategies are patterned on people’s social media activities. Companies are spouting out tactics that make their online presence more notable. I could go on and on and on and man, it gets too tiring.

Social media gets too social because too many people tend to overshare everything in their lives, making sure that their online presence is heard, seen, and felt. We all, individually, have become our own personal brand that we strive to keep up through the impression and following we have online. We become too defined by numbers and impressions and engagements that sometimes, you can’t really tell what’s real and organic from those that are automatic and robot-like in response. Do they give those “heart reax” because it made an impression on them that it deserved more than a mere like? Or is it because it became that person’s automatic response because hearts make people feel more better than thumbs?

The whole point of this discourse is that I may just be mourning the gradual degradation of genuine human connection and interaction due to the rise of technology and the Internet and social media. It’s sad because I see it in my own family, in my own house. I see it in the eventual dwindle in even the smallest interactions between my friends as we sit side by side and we resort to facing our phone screens because we’ve run out of things to say. I see it in myself as my growing envy over how people’s lives are just generally better that I believe I’m too incompetent and incapable to achieve these things when in fact, I can. I just have to turn off the notifications, put down the phone, close the browser windows, and get up. It may seem like it’s easier said than done, but it’s a start.

At this point in my unemployed life ((goddammit HAHAHUHU)), I’m just starting to get fed up with my current system. I know I need to do something. It’s ironic to note as well that I’m sharing this through a social media platform but heck, it’s the only way to get the word around. If you’ve reached this far into my post, then I hope this serves as a gentle nudge and a little reminder that face-to-face interactions still trump any other kind of interaction, especially those of the social media kind. We are more than our Twitter personas or Instagram feeds or Facebook profiles. We deserve real social interaction and not the “social interaction” we get a sense of from social media. We deserve true eye contact and the hidden meanings behind our nonverbal languages. We deserve more than the hidden disconnect we feel as we connect with everyone on the Internet.

This won’t be the last of me talking about the thrills and woes of social media. As long as people are on it, people are going to talk. And that’s what I’m going to do too.

Stay awesome, nerds. ✨

I'm suprised this pasta ismt on here. Here's the story picture is not mine. (Pic and story not mine) Here's my story: >be 16 >be black and have family down in Alabama >they farm and own a huge amount of land down in Huntsville >uncle owns a big house and a bunch of trailers they put out in the woods for hunting or camping >down south cousins suggest that we go out there to camp >know I'm a city kid from Chicago so they tease the fuck out of me >collect food, kill a pig and some chickens, and bring necessities to camp out for a few days >we get to the camp and it's obvious something is weird >air has this weird electric smell like right before a storm, like ozone >we think nothing of it and unpack and go down to a little creek to swim for a few hours >All of a sudden some older white guy and a white teenager come out of the bushes >he has a shotgun in the crook of his arm and says hello and ask us what we're doing this far back in the woods >tell him about my uncle, who he knows, and say we're camping out >he tells us we need to be real careful out here and stick together there was a big animal in the woods >His son, who is my age asks if he can stay and hang out with us >he says OK I'm going to stop greentexting because the story is fairly long and the format is harder to write in. So we end up playing football. Dicking around with me, there's the white kid "Tanner", five of my cousins, and then four of their friends. In total, there were five girls and six boys. We all were around 15-17. We ended up just dicking the day away. So, we head back to the camp and pulling out some stuff for a campfire, even though the trailers both had kitchenettes. Tanner says that his family's property sits up against my uncle's. He wants to run home and ask his dad if he can come out camping with us. My cousin Rooster says he's going to go with him since it's going to get dark soon. One of the girls also wants to tag along. It's about 7 o'clock, and it's starting to get pretty dark. They take flashlights and take the trail toward Tan's property. The rest of us chill. We make smores, drink and kiss on the girls. About thirty or forty minutes later, there's the smell of ozone again. You could smell it over the smell of the fire we had started. This really nasty, coppery smell like right after you've had a nosebleed and it's stopped. It wasn't exactly like dried blood, but it was that nasty metallic, back-of-your-throat smell. We immediately think that it's some kind of electrical malfunction, or someone left a hotplate on or some shit. We search the trailers and nothing is on, and we can all smell it. All of a sudden, we can hear people booking down the path toward us, and Rooster, Tan and the girl all come running into the clearing, out of breath. And they don't even break stride; they all run into the trailer, right by where the fire is. We all get the fuck outta there and into the trailers. They end up calming down; even Rooster is crying his fucking eyes out at this point. All the while, the fire is guttering lower and lower, so my other cousins say fuck it and are about to go outside to get the generator out of a shed between the trailers. Tanner goes, "Fuck no! Lock the front door, ain't nobody else going outside!" He's been crying too, and his eyes are bloodshot and puffy and his pants are dirty as shit. He goes on to tell us that they went up to his house. His father said sure, he could go out camping, but to make sure they were careful on the way back, and that maybe they should take one of the hunting rifles just in case. Evidently, Tanner had seen something in their yard a few days before. One of their pigs had come up, ripped up and half eaten. They assumed it was just some big cats or coyotes, even though they don't usually fuck with live animals. He had gone upstairs and packed his stuff, and told his dad they would be OK without the rifle because coyotes avoid people. So they started walking back toward where we were camping. So, Rooster finally stops crying and shaking; the girl already had, but she was just staring out the window with a dumb look on her face. He says they had gotten halfway into the woods toward the camp when they started to hear shit in the forest. It was almost pitch black by this time, so they weren't sure at first what the fuck it was. The girl says that she heard something in the bushes right off the trail and they all beamed their flashlights over there and there was someone standing back in the woods in a little hollow. Rooster said they shouted at him and told him that he was scaring the fuck out of them and what a dick he was. He says that's when he realized that the guy was facing away from them. So they keep walking, and they start smelling the nasty coppery ozone smell. They say that they look off into the forest on the opposite side, and it's a dude standing in the forest, backward slightly closer to the path. So now they start powerwalking and Tan keeps going, "I should have taken the fucking rifle." As they're telling the story, the smell is still super strong even inside the cabin. They say that after they started walking faster, a kind of low gibbering had started coming from both sides of the wood. And as they started booking it back to the trailer, the girl said she had flashed her flashlight out into the woods to the side of them and had seen something jerking itself through the woods. The gibbering just got louder and louder, and when they could see the light from our camp fire, something had come out of the woods about 40 yards behind them onto the track, and they had just flat out ran as hard as they could to the trailer. So we're out in the fucking woods, and we're assuming at this point it's some rednecks or some shit trying to fuck with us. All of a sudden, my other cousin, Junior, starts going on about how he went to school with a native kid that was telling him about the 'Goatman' or some shit. We promptly tell him to shut the fuck up because we don't need any spooky talk right now. But he just keeps going on and on about how it's the fucking 'Goatman,' and how we're in his woods and blah, blah, blah. Now at the time, I had never heard of this goat man or any of that, but then a couple years ago -- the year before I graduated from college -- I had a Menom for a roommate and I ended up asking him about it. And to sum it up, it's basically a fucking man with the head of a goat and he can shape shift and he gets among groups of people to terrorize them. It's also supposed to be kind of like the Wendigo, and it's bad mojo to even talk about it and even worse if you see it. Keep in mind, I didn't know this back when I was sixteen. So my cousin is going, "The goat man's going to get in and fucking get us." The girls are all terrified and my cousins and I are all fucking trying to figure out if it's just some hillbillies or if it's some animal. So all of a sudden the smell just goes away. Like to this day, I haven't even experienced anything like it. Like, usually smells fade away or lessen. It just literally was there one second and then not the second. So it's after an hour, making it around 9 or 10. We've stopped shitting bricks enough to go back outside and stoke the fire again. We figure it was just some assholes trying to fuck with us, so we don't go back home, because we think if we do, they'll chase us through the woods or some crazy shit. Nothing else weird happens that night. And we stay another night, and for the main part of the night nothing happens. At about 1 in the morning, we're outside getting drunk and telling ghost stories. As someone is finishing some 2spooky story -- I don't remember what about -- the smell comes back. It's so fucking strong, that one of the girls literally starts vomiting. I stand up, and you can actually feel how clammy the air is. I say we should get inside and this isn't right; we should have just fucking left. We all go back inside, and we're standing around. My cousin just keeps going on about how it's the goat man. And my cousin Rooster tries to shut him the fuck up, and all the while I'm just feeling that something is wrong, and I can't figure out what the fuck it is. We end up sitting in there for a while; the smell is just as strong, and we're terrified and all huddled in this camper. We end up cooking brats for everybody because nobody wants to go outside. It's one of those packs with four brats. We have a total of 3 packs. I grill them up on the stove and give everybody a hot dog. I get mine. After a while, one of my cousins gets up and goes over to the pot to get another one. He starts grumbling about about how I get two brats and everybody else only got one, and I look at him like he's fucking stupid. I tell him that everybody only got one because there were only 12 brats, if he wants more he should open up a new pack and cook some more. That's when the girl that had been out with Rooster and Tan just starts screaming, "OH JESUS, OH LORD, GET IT OUT!" She's crying and shivering, and then it dawns on the cousin standing up what the fuck is wrong. Me and him both glance around the room, and then I feel my heart fucking sink. I run the fuck out of the cabin and the girl runs out with us. The trailer door is banging against the side of the trailer as everybody books out of the cabin. One of my cousin's friends ask us what the fuck was wrong. I start counting us. There's only 11 now. "I shit you not," my cousin verified. There had been twelve people in the cabin. But being that everybody didn't really know each other well, nobody had really noticed the whole fucking time that there was an extra person. And then I realized earlier that I had kind of noticed something was off. You know how when you're just dicking around having a good time that you don't sweat the smallest shit, and you don't always keep track of certain stuff? I'm dead sure that someone else had been in the trailer with us, and that they had been there for at least a fucking day, eating with us. What makes it worse is, I could figure out which one because I don't think anyone ever actually interacted with the other person/the Goat-man. The girl kept praying to Jesus and we're all sitting outside; eventually we get big-ass sticks and go back in the cabin, but there's nobody in there. We count again, and there's 11 people. We go back into the trailer and lock the door. We explain what the fuck happened, and the girl says that she realized too, and that when he was about to say something, the person sitting next to her had grabbed her leg hard and leaned over toward her and said something she couldn't understand. So we are pretty much scared as fuck as we huddle together, and I fall asleep. When I wake up, the sun is just coming up, and half the people are asleep and the other half are packing our shit up. We all want to walk back home, but like four people want to stay until the sun is all the way up. And some people think that we're just fucking around and still want to stay at the trailers. I just want to get the fuck out of the woods. The girl's name was Keira, the one that the Goat-man had touched. Anyway, I asked her if she really thinks it was something bad, and she says she just wants to go home and she doesn't want to be out in the woods alone for another night. So we decide to split up; the four that want to go can go, but I have to stay because I have the keys to the cabin and it's my uncle's and I have to lock up. I'm super pissed at this point, because I feel like people aren't taking this shit seriously, and I definitely didn't want to be out in the woods for another night. I spend the rest of the day trying to convince the rest of the people -- now 4 girls and four guys -- to get the fuck out of dodge. Tanner leaves with them to go get a rifle and says he's going to be back. So there are just 7 of us left by 4 PM. At around 5 PM he hasn't made it back yet, and we're getting extremely fucking antsy, and the only reason I stopped begging them to go back was because he went to get a gun. it's about 5:30 PM or so, when the one cousin that did stay says that the girl Keira is outside. We all look outside, and sure enough, she's standing by the firepit with her back to the cabin. I'm thinking to myself, if she was so fucking scared, why the hell would she come back? And then I get this nasty feeling in my gut. Keep in mind, the whole time the coppery smell has been gone. Now I realize I can smell just a twinge of it. I say this to the rest of them and everybody -- and these are the people that wanted to stay in the fucking woods after we had the goddamn Goatman in our midst -- is laughing at me and asking if I set this up to scare them. I'm looking at them like, "I'm not fucking bullshitting you at all right now." I ask them why the fuck would I play like that? So one of the girls goes outside to get Kiera. She gets halfway to her and stops cold. Keira starts heaving; I don't know how the fuck to describe it. Sort of like if someone with their back turned was laughing without actually making any sound. It was this fact that made me realize there was not a fucking sound in the whole woods; it was dead silent. This was like later in September, so it was still fairly hot at the time, but it was super chilly some days too. And you could usually hear big-ass geese honking or some kind of birds or squirrels chitchatting. So I step out the door and tell her to come back in the fucking trailer right goddamn now. She backs up into the trailer and we lock the fucking door. We pull down all the shades except one, and put a guy there in a chair to watch her. She stands there for another 20 minutes or so. The guy turns to say that she's still there. And there's a HUGE fucking bang on the door. We all jump the fuck up and scramble around the living room of the trailer. The banging is super fucking loud. So now my cousin is holding one of the girls and the other two are kinda giggling with nervous laughter and me and the other two guys are shitting brix. Then we hear Tan. He's screaming. "LET ME THE FUCK IN, STOP FUCKING PLAYING!" So we go over to the door and open it, and he stumbles in with a rifle. There's nobody else outside. Evidently, he had walked up to the campsite. Nothing weird happened in the forest, but he had seen a girl. Mind you, he said it was not Keira standing there. When he had gotten to the edge of the clearing, she had turned toward him with the slackjawed look and just stared him down, slowly tracking him as he walked around the outside of the clearing towards the camp. He said it wasn't till he was almost halfway to the trailer he had realized that she was getting closer to him. She had started off by the fire, and without him even seeing her move she had been turning, inching closer. He said he just ran the rest of the way back to the cabin thinking it would open. And when he got to the door and it was locked, he turned and it was about half the distance to the door. He looks around the room and then gets super pale. He pulls me to the side and whispers in my ear, "You know there are only seven of us in here, right?" I get that feeling where you stomach drops to your nuts. It had been back inside the trailer while we were sorting out who was going where, and then when we all went outside to talk earlier in the day. It has just slipped right back in. We looked out the window and there is nobody out there. So we recount everyone and then basically, I go over and ask everyone how many people were here earlier. And everybody says 8. I say, "Well, how many are here now?" They all do the count and then realize there are only now seven people in the cabin. So Tan had brought back a couple boxes of ammo and his rifle. And he had told his dad that there was some kind of animal in the forest because he didn't think his dad would believe him if he said it was Goatman. He says that his cousin is supposed to be coming down in a few hours and that in the morning we can all go back to his place and his cousin will drive us home. Now I'm really fucking terrified, but I at least feel better because we can be American and shoot the fuck out of whatever it is if it comes back. But then my cousin gets into this huge argument with one of the girls because she thinks that I'm trying to be funny and prank them, and that she's getting really scared and that I'm not funny. He keeps telling her I'm not that kind of person, and she says, "Well, how do we know the girl wasn't just Tanner in a wig? Or if it's really the Goatman, how do we know that this is the real Tanner and that Goatman just didn't kill Tanner in the woods and take his gun?" So we fucking get into a huge argument about this, where me and Tan are like, "we could seriously be in danger because at the very least someone has been sneaking themselves into our fucking trailer without us knowing and mingling with us, and at worst, something bad is in the forest fucking with us." One of the girls is crying and saying she wants to go right now, and we're trying to tell her we shouldn't because none of us are walking through the woods in the middle of the night. At this point the sun is starting to go down and it's getting a little cloudy out. We eat something and turn on the radio for a while, but we can't really get a station out there with anything decent. So we turn it off at about the time that Tan's cousin shows up. He was like 19, I think. At this point, the sun is just barely over the horizon and he has one of those heavy duty lantern flashlights and another rifle. He walks up to the trailer and we whisper to Tan asking if he's sure that's his cousin and he says yes. The guy looks behind him and all around the camp, then walks in. He kind of glances at all of us and looks a little confused. He says, "Where's your other little buddy at? I figured she would meet me up at the cabin. Is she a little slow or something?" He also asked whether we had been cooking blood in the cabin, because it smelled like blood and hot pans all the way up the trail. We are all like fucking "NOPE." But we ask him what the fuck he's talking about with the girl he saw. He had come down the same trail Tan had been using and he had come up on "one of youse guy's buddies" standing in the middle of the trail, looking at him slack jawed. He had asked her a bunch of questions, but all she did was just look at him. Then, she smiled at him and he said he kept walking. She couldn't seem to keep up with him and kept lagging a little behind him. He said he asked her if she was hurt or something, and if she needed any help. But, she had continued to stare. Eventually, he had been walking and turned around a bend in the trail. But when he turned around and went back to see if she was okay, the trail was empty. He'd assumed she had taken some short cut through the woods to our trailer. We tell him the whole story of what's been going on. I half expected him to say we were full of shit, but he just listened and then sat down on the couches in the living room. Tanner's cousin gets back to the girl. He says, when she had kept trying to lag behind him, it had kinda weirded him the fuck out, so he tried to keep her in front of him, but no matter how slow he walked, she was always lagging a little behind. And that he smelled this nasty smell, and it got stronger as he got to the camp. Eventually it got really strong. She had said something really low that he didn't catch, and when he had turned around she had been right the fuck up on him, and he stepped back from her. It was at this point he asked her if she was okay, and if she wasn't, him to carry her back the rest of the way, and she just kept staring. He said he reached out for her, as in to grab her on the shoulder, but he must have "misjudged the distance" because she was off to the side of where he had put his hand, like she had moved while he was looking dead at her. So at this point, we know this shit's real, unless Tan is playing a joke, which we can tell he's not because he's almost pissing his pants. So they load up their rifles, we eat some more, and we just kind of sit around until about 11. To this fucking day, every time I think about this, I really pray to God that it's some huge prank that my cousins played on me and just never revealed so I would shit for the rest of my life. At 'round 11, the stink of copper turns into an actual nasty gross blood-like smell, like cooking blood and singed hair. Tan and his cousin, Reese, get the fuck up instantly and grab the rifles. There's like a half-knocking, half-clawing at the door, and I shit you not, there's this voice, and it sounds like when you see those YouTube cats and dogs whose owners teach them how to "talk." It says in this halting, weirdly toned voice, "Let me the fuck in, stop fucking playing." It made my fucking nuts creep up against my body, and one of the girls just starts crying and calling on Jesus. It was so fucking obviously not a person talking. It didn't have the right cadence, and that's some shit that I never realized until that moment, but all people have a certain cadence when they talk, no matter what language. All people have a certain kind of rhythm to talking. This shit didn't have any kind of cadence or rhythm. One of those YouTube cats, that's what the fuck it sounded like outside the door. So now I'm in full on terror mode. We keep yelling outside, "Who is it? Stop fucking around, man!" and it just keeps saying, "in" or "Let me the fuck in" for almost 15 minutes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qff9V27Weaw It sounded like this almost, just not funny. Sorry for being on a tangent, but if you can't imagine how this shit sounded, then you can't imagine how fucked up the whole situation was. So then the smell goes away for a while. And for the next hour or so, you can hear someone basically creeping around in the woods and shit. Every couple minutes it'll come back into the door, and say something. Finally when the smell fades away, it's around 2 in the morning right now. Reese says, "Man, fuck this!" and opens the door and walks outside with his rifle. He fires a shot into the air, and says something to the effect of, "In the name of Jesus Christ, go away!" He fires two more times, and then from the woods right up against the river across from the trailer, it sounds like something is slowly jibbering and hooting. Then it starts screaming and it sounds almost like a woman and a cat in a bag screaming together. Like I seriously have never heard any shit like that, and you can hear the brush over that way start to shake, Reese fires over into the treeline and then starts backing into the house. We lock the door, and we can hear this shit keening and screaming. Reese says something had come out of the bushes, super low to the ground and crawling toward the cabin. He had shot at it. Pretty much, that was how the rest of the night went; it was literally screaming constantly for the next two hours, and we could hear shit moving out into the treeline. But it never came back up to the cabin until everyone had finally fallen asleep. Tan had been sitting in the chair watching the door with his rifle; nobody else heard or saw this, and he told me two days later, after the whole thing was over. He said he had been nodding off after the screaming and noises finally stopped, and he had been almost asleep when he saw someone come out of the bathroom and then lay down in the middle of the floor and go to sleep. He just assumed it was one of us and he had nodded off. Then he said he kind of realized something was wrong, and while pretending to be sleeping, he counted us. There were 9 people in the cabin. He basically didn't want to try to shoot at the fucking thing in the cabin and have it kill us all then and there, or have Reese wake up and start shooting and then we kill ourselves. So he just stayed awake all night, pretending to be asleep. He said sometimes, it would stand up and kind of do this weird jittery thing, or heave like it was laughing. But then it would lay back down. The story closes pretty weak, because from my perspective nothing happened. We woke up. And I noticed that Tan was a little jittery, and that he was avoiding looking at all of us. But we ate some breakfast, packed up and started walking to his house. He stayed last in the cabin and said he'd lock up and bring me my uncle's keys; to just start walking and he'd catch up. Which I didn't really want to fucking do. We got a little bit up the path, and when he came running up, basically we just jogged back to his house. His cousin took us home. There was a window in the bathroom. Tan had gone back to lock up and looked in there. We were too stupid to lock a screenless window. The window was fucking up when he went in there. I'm guessing it had been doing that all along, waiting for us to fall asleep or slip up and then getting in among us. It walked with us all the Goddamn way back to his house, and then he said it lagged to the back of the group and looked him dead in the eyes before walking into the woods

Onwards and Upwards

It’s been a little over a year since my last post. It has not been an easy year either - a car accident (and massive concussion), my dog - the famous Penny of the Penny Face - had a stroke and passed away the same week I had tonsillitis to the point of hospitalization (my throat closed up… fun), tonsillectomy (#firstsurgery #finally), I’ve moved three and a half times - I could go on.

The half move is from the most recent struggle - hip surgery (#secondsurgery amiright?). I had to move back to my parents for a month because apparently hip surgery means not even being able to sit up for a month, let alone get up and down stairs, shower, walk etc. Fun stuff… actually I’m not being sarcastic… the past two weeks have been the “staycation” I didn’t even know I needed - I’ve had time to reflect on the past year, where I am now, and where I’d like to go. 

After graduating with my Italian and Comparative Literature degrees, I explored a couple of teaching roles and ultimately decided to follow the most obvious, logical path for someone with my work and educational background: Business Development. At least, it was obvious to me - not so much the businesses I applied to.

The thing is, I knew that if I could just explain to the hiring managers why it made perfect sense that an Italian speaking preschool teacher is the ideal candidate for any business role, I’d be able to get my foot in the door. That said, something I quickly learned in the process is that most companies won’t let you get even your smallest toe in the door if the proper qualifications are not spelled out across your resume. 

I got calls - multiple calls - from HR reps telling me to not bother applying to their companies without 3-5 more years of experience or a different degree because I would never be able to work there. But, as anyone who has ever met me will tell you, I am persistent. I am persistent to a painstaking level. The most valuable qualities a person can have, in my opinion, are loyalty, empathy, and persistence, in that order.

So on my first day at one of the biggest enterprise companies in the world, at an internship that was created specifically for me, I pondered the idea of shooting an email over to that rep in Texas who told me I’d never find a job there. I didn’t though - I had better, more exciting things to do. The story as to how I got that job involved some travelling, and is definitely a story I should share with you all, but I’ll save it for later.

Flash forward to December 20th, 2016. My fourth month into my first ever full time job - sales rep at a tech startup (the natural career path of any Italian/Lit major) - and my CEO asked if anyone wanted to buy his tickets to the Patriots game. I’d never been to a football game before (went to an all girls’ high school, sorry U of R but football isn’t a main attraction there either, and Pats tix are so $$$). I couldn’t pass up such a huge discount, and to this day, it’s probably the second best impulse buy I’ve ever made (I’ll get to the best impulse buy in a minute). 

On December 24th, 2016, my best friend and I hopped in her car and made the trek to Gillette Stadium. We grabbed some champagne - the pre-game drink of champions, found our seats, took some fabulous pics (if it’s not on Instagram, did it ever really happen?) and settled in for what turned out to be a fantastic game. Neither of us cared that it rained the whole time, nor did we mind the freezing winds on the walk back to the car - we were still high on life from being that close to Gronk and Brady. 

So we weren’t thinking about rain or ice when we went to get out of the car, that is we weren’t thinking about it until I was lying on the ground two seconds later. Totally ate it. But like I said, I’m persistent. I got up, laughed it off and went on my way. A week later, I felt the bruise on my hip, and remembered my fall. Two weeks later, I noticed that I wasn’t able to walk so well. A week after that I was in agonizing pain, and that’s when I decided to call the doctor. 

I told her it was a sports injury, since it happened after a football game. She and I both thought it was a bone bruise, maybe a pulled muscle, but she sent me to a specialist, since it was concerning that the pain was getting worse with time. Good thing she did because I tore my labrum.

Even the specialist was shocked that someone could have sustained so much damage to their hip, just slipping on black ice. C’est la vie.

Because of how badly I bruised the bone, I couldn’t get my labrum repaired until exactly 15 days ago (October 11, 2017… only took 10 months). 

And here we are, a year after my last post, a year after I started my full time sales job, upon completing a fulfilling internship. After all the rejection I have faced, both early on with my job applications, and the continued rejection that is simply a part of any sales job, I have pushed myself as hard as I can over the last year. 

I’ve moved through the ranks faster than anyone, our head of recruiting bumped into another HR rep that rejected me and even made a point of saying I was one of the top reps at my current company, and I’m hoping to soon earn a spot on the closing team. There’s a lot to be proud of, especially considering how tough of a year it’s been on me physically, but I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about what I’ve sacrificed to get here.

Before my surgery, I was feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and exhausted. I wrote an article on here earlier about feeling the need to run away, escape, and travel when I’m stressed, and it’s safe to say that in the three or four years I’ve been writing here, that hasn’t changed. 

So I stayed up late one night, thought long and hard about where I’d go, what I’d do and in the end, the decision was easy. I went where I always want to go, a place that feels like home, that always helps me clear my head and refuels my faith in humanity.

I went to Ireland. 

“Again?!” my mother asked when I told her. Turns out if you buy tickets 3 weeks in advance, they’re quite affordable (shout out to my office for unlimited vacation days and flexible scheduling).

5 days, 4 nights, new places in old towns. As always, I saw some old friends, and I made some new ones as well (if you’re in an Irish pub, it’s really impossible to walk out without 10 or 20 new pals). I danced, ran through the rain, and kayaked with seals at sunset. 

For the first time ever, I rented a car and had another “first” driving on the left side of the road. 

By the end of my trip, I was ready for my surgery. Ready to lay in bed for a month straight (in case you’re wondering how I have the time to write all this down) and I have quenched enough wanderlust to focus on getting back on my feet, literally. 

My persistence has greatly helped me push through this. I’m healing well, and I’m already planning my next few trips - California, Chicago, Romania, Australia… time to start budgeting ;) 

I can’t wait to see what the next year brings, and in the meantime, I hope to keep writing here and share the few drops of wisdom I’ve gained in my brief 25 years. Onwards and upwards!