“right now, i feel useless. no, i've always been useless. i never exist. i have no feelings. i don't freaking have anything left within me. i can't take myself anymore, vegas.”

we all kept saying that vegas and pete are parallels to each other to what the same kind of abuse can lead to. it’s almost tiring how many times we analyzed how vegas weaponized his trauma by turning into an abuser in self defense, but we were a little blinded by pete’s smile because we genuinely believed pete was always being completely open about everything. his tattoo says it all, doesn’t it? no legacy is so rich as honesty. didn’t he share with vegas what his dad did? didn’t he follow what his heart told him? isn’t he gentle, a good friend, a good subordinate? that must be who he is.

vegas craves attention, acknowledgement, and he thinks he never received it because he never accomplished anything. pete did, though. he won the fight, and yet his dad still hit him. it doesn’t matter how good he is or how much he contributes to his surroundings, he’s never actually seen. it doesn’t matter how much effort he puts, how much emotional labor he puts in his relationships, he’s still secondary to their choices, a supporting character. it’s not just vegas that was never recognized as a person, it’s pete too. 

it’s pete because he can disappear and people that he holds dear to him wouldn’t even notice until someone dreams about him. because he keeps being the wingman to others, but no one ever falls for him. he solves the problems for everyone, but not only that, his efforts always turn into more responsibility since he’s so reliable - never, i don’t know, a vacation i guess? his work has no emotional return to him, and while he’s loved by tankhun he’s still a subordinate and not a friend. it’s his boss, and he has no say in their relationship like the other does. “my most understanding bodyguard”. pete understands tankhun and shows his concern for him through how he takes care of the other, but tankhun loves pete exactly for that, and not for him. no one sees the true him.

he puts his heart in everything. yes, the honesty is there. and he does everything without expecting anything in return, because he knows that doing the right thing sometimes isn’t rewarding. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t crave recognition, it’s just that he doesn’t feel he’s ever going to receive the type of recognition he so desperately wants. and he can’t show this side to the others, because then he will be a burden and not fulfill the role he wants. he honestly wants to make everyone around him feel ok - and he’s fine with that, in some levels. he thinks helping others is rewarding because you can see the smile in their faces after it.

“i’m sorry. i aim to spread more smiles than tears.”

he’s content. it’s enough to keep him going, to inspire him to keep making others around him happy, because if anything that’s the only thing he knows. he has to live each day by itself, because if he sees the big picture he’ll feel like a side character to his own life. but deep inside, even though he has come to terms with his father’s abuse, he can’t distance himself from the violence. it’s his whole environment, it’s how he learned relationships work, it’s thrilling - and makes him feel alive. after being successful in destroying vegas’ plan, he’s so high on his accomplishment that the torture is almost a recognition on how well he fucked up vegas, and he can take it with a smile in his face.

but after all the violence and the torture vegas puts him through, he still can’t turn his caring persona of, because he’s so used to finding patterns in people in order to make them smile that he easily cracks the code to what’s vegas’ problem is. it’s almost instinctive at this point to only comfort him, not because he actually feels for vegas but because he is simply like that. he opens up just enough for vegas to understand that he’s being seen, but not enough for vegas to see him. he says just the right things at the right time, never giving information about himself or opening up. his goal was never to have vegas obsessed with him, but just to live each passing day and try to handle it as best as it could.

but vegas gets obsessed with him - actually, the idea of him. vegas is so caught up with the idea that someone understood him and didn’t judge him harshly that he completely ignores that pete is not “someone” in the sense of an abstract concept in his mind, but a person entirely separate. he starts seeing pete as an extension of him, projecting his feelings and his desires into the other. but this obsession shows up in the form of little actions of care and attention (in vegas’ way, of course), in the sexual tension, and this desire is so intense that it moves pete’s heart.

because, for a second, pete wants to believe that all that intensity and emotion is for him. that vegas actually saw who he is and understands, and is desiring him. when vegas tells him he’s sexy, is he saying that because he sees pete’s body and thinks he’s attractive or because the sex they had and pete’s submission is sexy to him? vegas proceeds to only talks about him and his feelings, but he never asks pete how he feels. he opens up - “i thought i was a freak”, but it’s not followed by a “have you ever felt something like that, pete?”. vegas finally asks him “how did you survive in this environment?” and pete’s finally smiling, asking back “why, do you think i’m a good guy?”. he’s expecting vegas to give an actual insight on it. but vegas shows how little he understands pete telling him he’s “stupid” - pete is far from stupid and he knows. and it’s not just bickering, because pete realizes that vegas truly believes he has nothing going on inside his mind, that he’s just what vegas wants him to be.

after that, he slaps himself in the face to wake up - vegas isn’t seeing him as a person, he needs to leave. that life is not what he wants. but then why did he say yes to him? why did he kiss vegas? of course there was a previous build-up of desire between the both of them, but what was that made him give in? he has never been into subspace before and he’s still trying to understand himself and what he wants, but right now he’s completely sober. and he blames himself a lot for everything. but when vegas gets inside the room mad, he’s doing it again - he’s trying to help vegas.

vegas still doesn’t sees pete, only what he wants to see. so it’s easy for him to simply act up and vent all his violence on the other when pete shows again how understanding he is (and he switches his emotions as if he wasn’t, a few hours earlier, putting all the care in the world making a dish for him). vegas still believes in what he told pete in the last episode before they kiss, that pete likes that side of him and that it turns him on, so it never occurred to him that acting like that again could have any other effect. not only that, but the line about them sleeping (which was already making pete dwell on self hatred for what he did and what he desired) finally snaps pete, because not only he isn’t in the mindset to enjoy that type of violence, but also because he’s done - he understands everyone, even vegas, but no one ever tries to understand him.

vegas’ obsession isn’t seeing him, but just a toy that will behave how he wants and like him the way he wants. pete wants to be desired intensely, madly and deeply, but he knows this isn’t what’s actually going on. it’s all a lie he’s telling himself, because he had a hard time coming into terms that vegas’ liked what he provided for him - comfort - and not him. he’s once again secondary to someone else’s feelings, and it doesn’t matter what he wants and what he likes, what his pain is, he’s not seen. and now, being punished by something he didn’t do, unable to even comfort vegas with his words, he’s useless too.

pete’s so done that he asks for vegas to kill him, and vegas is so out of his mind that he goes on to grab a knife and actually threaten to do it. vegas isn’t thinking properly but he does think this is just pete’s usual bratty behavior, and in his mind is something that can easily be solved like every other instance between them where he plays abuser with pete and then leaves. but this time, pete’s finally honest about his feelings. he’s done with everything, and he’s done with vegas treating him like that. he feels like shit, and there’s no point on keeping with this if he will still be treated like that. he tells him, he’s lost his humanity. he’s not living as a person, but as something. in this case, vegas’ plaything.

after all that, vegas sees the huge mistake he’s making, and starts begging - and that touches pete’s heart again. because vegas is begging him so desperately to not kill himself, that he’s sorry and that he needs pete so much, that pete falters a little. he knows that vegas still isn’t truly seeing him (if anything, he’s just finding out about him) but the feeling of having him begging for pete to stay with that face creates a bitter taste in his mouth. he wants vegas to desire his true self like that, and not the character vegas created in his mind. and that reinforces pete’s desperation either dying or running and leaving.

“i’m a human, vegas. i have feelings.”

vegas insists on needing him, which pete finally throws in vegas’ face that is not him that he needs but a mirror. he keeps projecting onto him, and never asking what pete needs, treating him like a pet. and pete shows him - if he actually needs him as a person, why the chains? why aren't his needs being met too? and vegas begs him to promise he won’t leave him. the fact is, pete can’t lie to vegas at this point, because he’s opened his heart so much he can’t pretend anymore he would do something like that. and he touches vegas’ face, because deep down he’s still conflicted with all those feelings, but he finally chooses to put himself first and knocks vegas out.

and while they’re apart, vegas never leaves his mind. even though he’s loved by everyone and everyone is grateful he’s back, there’s still a lingering feeling that he only ever felt being with him, and he misses it so much. because now that he had the taste for the obsession, for being almost consumed by someone else that wants them so badly, how can he go back to his normal and mundane relationships? he’s numb, both traumatized by what happened and dwelling in guilt because even though everything was so terrible he wants a little bit of it back. and he feels the shame of the intoxication he feel, unable to open up to anyone about that. him lying and denying to tell porsche is not only because he wants to protect vegas, but because he wants to protect himself from acknowledging that he doesn’t despise him as much as he wanted to, as he should do.

“get the hell out of my life.”

pete screams, but he’s unable to shoot the gun and end it all. when vegas takes the gun to his chest and screams, pete has an automatic reaction of fear that doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but he keeps pushing to try and make his point. but pete can’t say anything, just cry the tears he has been holding all throughout the episode since he left vegas’ house. and again, he is only truly honest in that moment where he lets himself fall to the ground from how painful everything is, and vegas is comforting him. the worst, for him, is that he’s allowing once again vegas in his space, touching him intimately and taking care of him. and his hand goes trembling to the other’s face, unsure if it’s the right thing to do or not, because he’s pained by everything that went down and all the abuse - but also a little bit glad that vegas is still so obsessed with him that he’d follow him there. he’s conflicted because he can’t reconcile the idea that he wants vegas and, maybe, vegas wants him too, because it’s never the case. just like he said, he’s useless, has never existed, has no feelings, no humanity. there’s no point in hoping that vegas would do that to him. but he wants to believe in him so much that he can’t stop crying.

WHIT SIDNEY, THERE IS NO OTHER SHOE

OR

WHY DO THE BERZATTO SIBLINGS CHOOSE THEIR PARTNERS?

I will kick off this thesis with the belief that Sidney and Pete are Carmy's and Natalie's respective otps. They are destined, romantic partners. This seems to be what the show is pointing at.

I was reading "Sana tus heridas en pareja" by Anamar Oihuela, which explores the possibility of healing your inner child's wounds in a romantic relationship. I do not want to circle around why people select their romantic partners (that shit is quite complex), but the childhood wounds that we have that make us feel attracted to certain personalities or look for love in a certain way, with a particular shape. What are the Berzatto siblings really looking for, that will be healing for them?

THE WOUND

The Berzatto sibling grew up in a toxic environment, filled with the addition of their parents (drugs and gambling) and whatever strain those would create between the couple. The mother (the most present parent, apparently) was also emotionally immature. She would use insults and threats of harm or self-harm whenever she felt abandoned. Hence, the siblings grew up hypervigilant and afraid of upsetting her in any way . Most people seem to agree that Carmy has Complex PTSD, created during his early childhood but aggravated by his time as a chef. "I have to remind myself that the sky is not falling, not waiting for the other shoe (...) there is always another shoe." I am sure the CPTS can be applied to Nat as well. They never formed a secure attachment to their parents, which requires trust, the knowledge of the parent of the child's emotions, guiding them, and making them feel valued, loved, and secure. The kid can develop because he/she knows their needs will be met. That was impossible in such a dangerous (for a child) and unpredictable environment. Unpredictable and insecure are attributes I want to focus on. 

WHY PETE?

I love this man, and the show seems to be putting a lot of effort into making him look, talk, and behave in the most opposite to anybody in the Berzatto family; he doesn't get along (or is approved) with anybody at the beginning, and Carmy only likes him after Pete stood up for Carmy's career. Sometimes, even Nat seems to think he may be too passive or compliant. Like in the finale, it kinda bothered me that he was trying to give her his admiration, support, and approval (which she never received from her family, including Carmy in some instances). She is too busy dreaming about her mother coming in and giving her all exactly what Peter is giving her. It's pretty poetic. She chooses to marry this man for a reason; she loves him for a reason, which is more evident when Pete is crying, and she actually pays attention to him, admiring his transparency and sensibility, again, things that she never could expect of a parental figure. She may sometimes think he is "too passive" or predictable and takes him for granted; because she grew up surrounded by loud men who acted confident even if they were shit, part of her subconscious might be attracted to that reckless behavior. Still, she finds sensibility more attractive in the end because it is too rare for her. She knows that relationships with men like his father and his brother Mickey end up with her feeling like the emotional regulator that she wanted to be for her mom. Ultimately, the keys to her heart are predictability and transparency because they form trust, a secure attachment. And it is funny because those are precisely the same keys to Carmy's heart, but he sees them in a different context.

WHY SIDNEY?

Added to the context of his childhood, the wound that Carmy seems to feel the most is, no surprise, created by his relationship with Mickey. As pointed out by some excellent analysis, Mickey is the father figure in Carmy's life, the closest thing to a secure attachment he could ever have. He describes Mickey in his AA monologue "I thought I was my brother's best friend." Mickey was the person he thought he could always rely on, the one he knew well, and Mickey knew him too. Even though he felt hurt by Mickey cutting him out, when he comes back for Christmas, you can see Carmy hold to the hope that whenever is the time, he could come back, and his brother will be waiting for him. And then, Mickey dies. Carmy didn't know he used drugs or was depressed, the perfect image of his strong, funny, almighty brother crumbling before him. The questions pop out: Why he didn't reach out to me? He didn't see me as a confidant? Why did he lie to me all those times? All that trust was based on a lie. It is not a surprise that Carmy didn't go to the funeral. It could have literally sent in on a shutdown. Later in the show, we hear Mickey's voice echoing in Carmy's mind, "I am right here" "I got you." That is what he thought his brother was: his ultimate support. But he wasn't, not at the end; Mickey lied about how he was feeling, hiding from him the aspect of his life that would eventually vanish Mickey from Carmy's life without warning. 

Mickey's suicide was that shoe he was afraid of, the worst possible, the one that made him believe there is always another shoe.

What does this have to do with Sidney?: predictability and transparency. Sidney is the most transparent and constant person Carmy knows now, the one that he actually thinks he knows. When asked to do something, she gives her honest opinion of why she thinks ais a good or bad idea. She also organized, analytical, hopeful, and eager to serve others. She is the one that offers help when Mickey (it seems) didn't accept any form of it. She develops a detailed plan to save his brother's restaurant because anybody in their family is too dysfunctional to do so. A person with actual answers. But most of all, she is transparent, at least to a reasonable extent, usually only forced upon feeling frustrated. She asks him for open and honest communication. She communicates her needs, feelings, and expectations consistently, even when he doesn't want to listen. He gets frustrated because he is too wired but always realizes that she is leading him in the right direction. Christ, she even managed to express her feeling about Claire being in his life (and the impact it had on the restaurant and their partnership) and even gave him commitment advice without revealing that the root of it all was her feelings for him. With her, there is no other shoe because every single thing that has gone wrong between them is something that she previously has warned him about. Sidney always reaches out. She has made mistakes because she is green in season one. Still, in season two, when she has her shit together, Sidney keeps asking him to be his partner and communicating her needs, but Carmy fails anyway. Still, he can't say that she hid things from him that were important to their relationship like Mickey did. 

I am not saying that if they get together, Sidney will be able to predict their problems because that's impossible. She has relationship issues, too (I am talking about that tattoo, damn, I can't wait for season 3), but so far, he knows she intends to tell him her needs; that's who she really is. I think he recognized that nature of her early on in season one and then developed a hyper-awareness of Sidney's demeanor, too afraid of losing his most solid connection, and this time, is not based on a lie. I think that when, in the future, he starts to feel her hiding things from him (possibly about her past), he going to be really mortified, like, "You got me, and I got you, so why are you not letting me know the things I need to know so I can get you" type of thing.

THE FIGHT THAT IS COMING

But this has a dark side. Carmy thinks she is solid and trustworthy and that whatever he asks of her, she will find a way to do, so he relies on her to have the space to deal with his mental turmoil. Carmy is not there for her when she solves problems or confronts the mobs in the front. He is dealing with the chaos in his mind and his family. I am not saying that is bad; teamwork is power. Still, like, dude, he had known her for 3 whole weeks and decided to go to an overdue AA meeting in "Brigade," leaving her to deal with the consequences of the job environment created by Mickey. In that whole speech, "I hold you to a higher standard", I know he meant that in the context of work because they both have been in that environment of strict efficiency, but the standard could also be personal, "I think you are solid and trustworthy so I need you to be" is probably what Carmy is thinking. Didn't somebody else notice this tendency to show Carmy taking breaks after he knows Sidney is handling shit? 

In "Brigade," right after seeing her in control of the kitchen for the first time and hiring her, he goes to take a smoke break, and in "Sheridan," when she has set up this fantastic set for cooking and selling outside, he also goes to take a smoke break and give Marcus a pep talk, like seriously...they were saying something here. Trusting Sidney, because she has proven efficiency in every imaginable circumstance has given him (a break) a space to feel his feelings. You don't have that when you grow up in a toxic household. This is also the reason thinking of her calms his panic attacks. And the reason he gave himself a chance with Claire (lol, your trust in your future wife is the reason you can get a girlfriend). 

 

Managing a business like this is difficult with a sound mind. It requires discipline and clarity. And Carmy has too much emotional baggage that was going to try to escape any other way. He looks for healthy spaces for it to do so but has yet to learn the core of his issues. He is applying medicine without closing the wound (THERAPHY). That's why he says, "I wouldn't even want to do it without you; you make me better at this." No joke, Sidney is his walking stick, emotionally and in the workplace, the whole reason he was able to go this far. 

He praises her for her efforts, usually afterwards, when everything is calm. She likes that because she admires him (and has a crush on him). But damn, man, a million things could have gone wrong even in season one, and I wouldn't have blamed Sidney. And the dude exploded because she made a computer error in the to-goes? You had it coming. And then, season two happens. Carmy is a ghost in the restaurant, again, dealing with the chaos of his mind, emotions, and a fucking childhood crush. And what Sidney does? She handles it, she lets him wonder and solve his shit, and the restaurant is saved for her, with the help of everyone, the redemption of Richie, and the leadership of Nat. Carmy puts her in the second most powerful position, something she has never done before, without almost no support of guides, not about detecting good staff or creating a menu from scratch. She takes her motivation from Coach K and "adapts on a dime" because "she has to," in her own words. Again, that's her journey, being able to trust herself and believe in her potential. But what would happen when she cannot be his walking stick anymore? He already knows he failed, but what if Sidney has her own baggage to deal with in season 3, something she feels so ashamed of that she doesn't communicate with him? Would the need to be her support force him to look at his self-sabotage, so he can be someone predictable and transparent for her? Man, I LOVE THIS SHOW. That was a long one. Thank you for reading. 

I think Pete is far too smart or at least trained to be smart for most of the discourse to shove his motivation under the i can fix him/shared trauma/his inner freak is attracted to Vegas angles. Sure he has a lighbulb moment as soon as he hears how Vegas is being talked to, hit by and humiliated by his father, recognises his own father probably, but him giving that monologue later is still not self-explanatory just because of this similar abuse they both share. I think Pete is incredibly good at his job and has gained more than great experience at reading people. It's not his loyalty towards the main family that leads him, but all that acquired knowledge and reflex to survive. Him asking Vegas again and again why he doesn't just let him die is frankly a good way to get a reaction out of him and figure out Vegas' next moves. He fears for his grandma's life, he IS in survival mode. But he knows how unpredictable Vegas is, so he needs to bend Vegas' expectations and be one step forward. He does try to escape and will again probably. Him sharing his own trauma and gifting Vegas with that revelation can be seen as him being kind and understanding like the Pete we learn as the series starts, but I think it's also a brief moment where he sees a window to bond with the monster and earn his trust as much as he can. It's a survival reflex. You want to show your abuser that you understand them, that you are patient and calm and won't try to break their trust. It's like an olive branch that Pete reaches to Vegas. He DOES understand him more than anyone, clearly, and DOES feel sorry for him being hurt, but I can't forget for a second that Pete wants to survive and is more cunning than we actually notice.

Just all the praise to Build, it's 11 eps and he just reveals multitutes upon multitudes about who Pete is and what drives him.

This is not directed towards you, but I feel that you might share my frustration:

I don't understand why its always KP-ers Vs. VP-ers or P Defense Squad Vs. K Defense Team in this fandom.

Like, Apo said it was going to be a VP centric- centric, people- episode. Not that it was going to be entirely about VP. Kinn and Porsche still haven't entirely gotten their shit together and there are still conflicts outside of the relationship that they need to address.

VP has about 10 chapters in the actual novel which you can read on Wattpad called "KinnPorsche Sidestory (VegasPete)" (not including the special chapters) most of it spent in V's bedroom where Pete is locked up until, like, chapter 9 or something.

A lot of it was just meaningless, irrelevant stuff that would simply take away too much time from actually developing them and would simply be boring to watch (aka, Pete trying to find a way free every single chapter and not finding a way out, and a shit ton of inner monologue). Meaning, if BOC were to compile all the VP moments in the book that might be interesting to watch, it could easily fit into one episode.

I don't think BOC is going to fit all VP moments into one singular episode. That would suck and screw up the pace and development of the characters. Not to mention that you can't go from torture, to I'll-burn-the-world-down-for-you VP in a span of 1 episode...

That being said, it's so obvious the Kinn and Porsche will have their moments as well as Kim and Chay despite entering VP centric episodes. There is not only 1 main couple. There are 3 that they also need to developed.

I beg that everyone watches the official trailer once again (as well as "WDYS" Mv). You'll see that there are a lot of things still missing that are solely KP if your concern is that KP will ✨suddenly disappear✨ in the upcoming episodes of a series that has their goddamned couple name as the title.

Also, if you don't want to see VegasPete (or alternatively KP...) in the tag, there are ways to block the "VegasPete" tag. Google it if you don't know how to do it.

People, please. Just trust the process and stop the whining.

Literally yes to all of this. 100%. I will not be taking any more questions about this.

The new fall out boy album + me analyzing more closely a lot of lyrics from mcr's discography makes me realize that Pete wentz and gerard way had either a huge influence on my own habits as an artist or I just found them to be kindred spirits before id even fully established my style.

Pete writes in a way that makes each song almost a conversation with himself, reflecting on the ways he's coped with trauma in the past and the melancholy he feels speaking to his own past selves and how every cycle of his journey through life has been different but also the same.

"Detox just to retox" and "im a loose bolt of a complete machine" always stuck with me as a teen.

Gerard uses a lot of the same themes and imagery, largely catholic and saintly images, as a lens to describe their place in the world and their feelings in relation to oppressive structures in society/oppressive ideology. All the emotion in the songs are his emotions - just presented through whichever character gerard has designed for that album to speak through (drum leader of the black parade, the lovers from three cheers, party poison on danger days)

And looking at how I create visual art, I do a lot of the same things! I'm remixing existing art and creating my own, combining elements of myself and cutting words/images out of their original contexts and rearranging them to convey what I can't simply put into words. I make art to unravel the problems that gnaw on my conscience, to converse with the part of myself that I *know* is in there but can't express herself verbally, not even to speak with my own inner dialogue (I've always perceived of myself thinking as 2-3 separate internal monologues which are in conversation with each other at all times)

Anyway basically what I'm saying is I need to get back into collage making

Four: "New Home"

tw: swearing

I met Peter Parker while I was sitting outside of the Avengers conference room, trying my best to tell myself they shouted this much over anything.

"Wow," a youthful voice said, one that sounded like it had just deepened from the later stages of puberty. "I don't think I've ever heard them yell like that."

Great.

I turned and saw a broad-shouldered, kind-looking young man. He looked like prince-fucking-charming straight from a Disney film. He gave me a warm smile, "I'm Peter."

I nodded, "Howie."

He stared at me blankly, as if word of my existence hadn't gotten to him yet. He looked me up and down, "Are you here for someone?"

"Tony Stark. Heard of him?" I asked sarcastically.

"Oh," he chuckled at my tone, embarrassed, "I've had an internship with him for the last couple of years," he explained. He seemed to withdraw at the question as if he was hiding something.

"I don't know if I could willingly spend time with him," I admitted.

Peter shrugged, "He's not all bad once you get to know him. He's a tough nut to crack."

At this point, he was a better child to Tony than I was. Running straight to his defense like that.

I sighed, not quite sure where to go with the conversation. But from the way Peter was sitting, his back slouched and legs spread, I could tell that he wasn't planning on going anywhere.

It was in this silence that I began to actually look at Peter. Below his eye was a bruise, and his knuckles were red like they'd been healing from throwing a good punch.

I wondered if he got into a lot of fights at school. He looked like a clean-cut suburban kid, definitely not one that would get into fights for fun.

I raised an eyebrow while I gave him a once-over. I met his gaze, "What did you say the Stark internship was about again?"

He stammered, "Just um-uh- sci-science stuff. Yeah."

"Science stuff?" I inquired, "What science stuff?"

Peter's face got red. I could tell he was scrambling for answers to my questions. He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck, "It's pretty complicated, hard to explain."

I raised an eyebrow, ready to get defensive. He was only about 2 years older than me, and I was in the STEM program. So what the fuck was so complicated about what he was learning?

But, before I could throw a snarky comment in his face, my father's face poked through the doorway. A flash of surprise went across his face when he saw Peter.

"Hey Pete," he chirped. "I see you've met Howie."

"We were just discussing his internship with you," I told Tony.

He raised an eyebrow, "What did you tell her, Peter?" His tone was a warning. As if there was a hidden meaning behind what he asked.

“He was just telling me all about your super-secret science stuff,” I turned my back to Peter. “Letting me know how complicated it all is.”

Tony sighed and shook his head at Peter. He pointed to the door, “They want you both in there.”

“Who’s in there?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” Tony said.

Peter and I both stepped into the large office, passing Tony on the way in as he held the door open. His neck looked splotchy as if he were anxious and irritated. Somebody must have gotten on his nerves.

At the end of the large circular table sat Nick Fury, Captain America, and a dark-haired woman who I’d never seen before.

“Howie, this is May, Peter’s aunt.” Tony gestured to the woman next to Steve. I smiled and waved at her. She nodded towards me.

“Take a seat, Miss Stark,” Mr. Fury said with authority. I wanted to cower under his gaze.

Peter's eyebrows shot up in shock. He glanced back and forth between Tony and I as if he was trying to look for similarities between us.

“This is pretty intense," Peter muttered from behind me. I rolled my eyes at his inner monologue.

"We've just been discussing what we're going to do with you," Steve said as Tony sat down next to May.

I scoffed, "I didn't realize I was such a hassle. My apologies."

"Wow," Steve turned to Tony, "She really is your kid."

Tony's reaction was the complete opposite. He beamed with pride, a sore thumb amongst every on else's frowns.

"Over the last hour or so we've been working out a living situation for you. One that keeps you out of the limelight and gives you space to finish high school." Steve explained.

May sighed, "We've come to the conclusion that it would be best if you went to Midtown High with Peter, just to give you a good start."

"You'll also be living with them for a few months," Steve said reluctantly.

"What?!" I exclaimed, standing from my seat. I looked at Tony, "You said I'd be staying with you."

"Kid-"

"My name is Howie."

Tony sighed, "Howie, we want to wait until all this buzz goes away. You can come to stay with me when the paparazzi won't follow you around where ever you go."

"We also thought it would be in your best interest to be staying with someone on the team," Nick added. "Someone who is capable of protecting you if need be."

I rolled my eyes, "He's a teenager."

"Who he is is Spiderman himself," my father said.

I'm sure the look that I gave Peter was the same one he gave me 10 minutes ago: complete and total shock.

"Well," I said, crossing my arms, "I guess we all have our secrets, don't we?"

"Yes, we do," Mr. Fury crossed placed a paper and pen on the table, "An NDA. We need to make sure nobody finds out your location or Spiderman's true identity. This is just a formality."

The large packet was pushed across the table, sliding into place before me. I signed immediately, not bothering to read it. I knew what an NDA was, I didn't need specifics. It was obvious what was being asked of me.

Stay out of the way, don't cause trouble, don't tell anyone anything. It was simple enough.

I sighed and put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths. I tuned out the sound of May walking me through sleeping arrangements and tried to think through the fact that I would be living with complete strangers.

I didn't even like Peter, now I had to live with him?

"Shit."

My room at Peter's apartment was like a closet with pale yellow walls, the room suffocated me. There was a twin bed, a desk, a small closet, and one window that lead out to a fire escape.

"Home sweet home," Peter said as he set my bags down by the bed. "There's a bathroom at the end of the hall, and I'm right across from you. Aunt May's room is on the other side of the apartment if you need her."

I nodded shakily, "Okay, thanks."

Peter went to leave but stopped in my doorway, wearing plait pajama pants and a shirt that had a bad math joke on it.

"Howie, don't be nervous for tomorrow," He gave me that stupid charming smile again, "Mr. Fury made sure we'd have all the same classes together."

I laughed, “Who’d he have to threaten to sort that out?”

“Just about everyone that works in the front office,” Peter replied with a smile. We fell into silence for a moment, Peter watching me as I hung clothes in the closet.

"The more I look at you, the more I see him," Peter said from behind me.

I didn't know if I wanted to take that as a compliment or an insult.

"I've seen pictures of Tony Stark my entire life," I said with a bitter laugh, "He's literally followed me for my entire life, and I never noticed any similarities. Part of me feels stupid for not seeing it sooner."

"You couldn't have known," he fiddled with the zipper of my bag. "He even had Nick Fury in the dark. Don't feel stupid for not seeing what wasn't there."

May appeared behind him and put her hand on his shoulder, “You can still see him if you'd like. You can spend weekends at the Avengers Tower with Peter when he goes. We don't want to take you away from him, that was never the point of this arrangement.”

I smiled nervously, "I'm not sure how I'll feel about that until I've met the rest of the team if that makes sense."

May nodded gently and nodded, "Well, I'm not sure about you two but I'm ready for bed."

Peter agreed and went to leave my room, not without saying goodnight though.

I stayed up late researching the school I would be attending from tomorrow until I finished high school. My new normal. Being Tony Stark's daughter, and attending Midtown High with Spiderman himself.

Juno Steel and the Shadows on the Ship (Pt1)

Juno and Vespa yelling at each other while Buddy “Tired Mom” Aurinko tries to mediate is giving me flashbacks to my childhood

Wait, Peter got injured???!!!

“OoOOoOh, and what an injury it was” ahhhh there’s our beloved Nureyev dramatics. Also I’m certain “you cad, you brute” is the most cutting insult Peter could possibly imagine, which is hilarious

Awww don’t gang up on Vespa babes, I already know she’s got trauma up the wazoo and I haven’t even heard the rest of this ep yet! Also I get Buddy’s “Must Be the Cooler Head” thing and good for her but someone needs to stick up for Vespa too

Awww Buddy called Nureyev “Pete”

Pete dear I know snark is your coping mechanism, but Juno can take it, and Vespa clearly can’t

She sounds so broken and alone someone please love this darling. Buddy please

Waiiiiiiit

Is she hallucinating Peter??

someone please make one of those handshake memes with Fjord from CritRole and Buddy and in the middle it says “giant captain’s hats with ostentatious feathers”

The desperation and panic of “you NEED me!!” Hurts my soul

Goshdang Vespa why do you genuinely think Peter hates you so much?? Btw I’m going to call this one HalluciPeter. I like the real Nureyev but HalluciPeter is intolerably annoying

“You’re damaged goods, Vespa” well fortunately for you dear I have some news about LITERALLY EVERY MEMBER OF THIS TEAM (Except Rita. Rita’s a soul full of sunshine genius seasoned with common sense and snark.)

HalluciPeter might be even more dramatic than the real one and that is SAYING something

Vespa your “imaginary spiders crawling on you - and you don’t know if they’re real” spiel is poignant and it’s making me feel really bad for you, really it is... but it is also SO VIOLENTLY EMO

Aw Vespa calls her “Bud”

Someone please hug this darling doctor and then punch HalluciPeter in his conniving face

Also what is this MUSIC its like phantom of the opera but...tackier? Not sure how to put it into words. Like a bad Dracula film

Vespa! You ARE WHAT YOU MAKE YOURSELF I PROMISE

“Are you coming to bed, love?” I am but a poor wlw who finds fictional lesbians and immediately adopts them <3

This inner monologue is too freaking relatable - “is this a real issue that I’m having or am I just being lazy and self-diagnosing because that’s easier than trying to be better? Surprise, I’ll never guess - now I’m on a self-destructive spiral and somehow I feel quadruply guilty about it”

Poor Buddy, she loves you so much and she wants to help you and she doesn’t know how

Trans Vespa!

Vespa love, I promise none of the people on this crew are out to get you. I PROMISE

I genuinely can’t tell if Juno is a hallucination rn which I suppose is sort of the point but even so

“Do I think he did this? ...No. But do I trust him to fix it? HELL no!” Honestly I think that’s how most people feel about Juno

 “are you completely ma- ...not correct?” Juno dear, thank you. Your internal filters are appreciated.

Peter I swear if you actually did something we will have WORDS

I love Jet, even if he’s a hallucination at this moment

I think I’m going to proceed as though this is NOT a hallucination until presented with further evidence. Trying to guess whether it is or not is distracting me from everything else going on

RITA IS MISSING! UNACCEPTABLE

“I take it from your presence here that Buddy and Ransom have gone missing as well.” “How did you know?” “There is no other possible reason that you two would spend time together on purpose.” Oooh Jet’s got you tagged kids

“There is an alien aboard this ship” DUN DUN DUNNNNNN

This seems...very...Conspiracy Theoristt

Wait is this- Yep it’s Rita’s fault. Got it.

“In the first half they go really deep into a conspiracy theory, and then in the second half they debunk it.” “I would not know. We didn’t watch the second half. Rita said it was boring.”

“Why the hell were you awake and walking the halls at one in the morning?!” Vespa I hate to break it to you but no one in this entire fam has a reasonable sleep schedule and you’re not one to judge

“I have a plan [to take out] everyone on this crew. It pays to be prepared” Vespa and Bruce Wayne would be best friends, confirmed

I AM BUT A SIMPLE WLW AND THE SPACE LESBIANS ARE DEAR TO ME

“Buddy’s files!” “OUR LIVES!”

“I’M SICK OF YOU TREATING ME LIKE AN IDIOT JUST BECAUSE I CAN’T SEE YOUR- ...OH, WOw, I am shouting, like, super loud, aren’t I?”

Score one for Vespa seeing Pete! However. Once I get my hands on Peter (if this IS him) we will have WORDS

EXCUSE ME

T H A T IS WHERE WE END

E x c u s e m e

Please listen to the song if you haven’t before. Enjoy!

She didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to breathe. Her heart had felt like it had stopped beating. Remus. How could Sirius think that sweet Remus was the spy?

“Sirius, how could you!? It’s not event thinkable,” she pleaded as she followed him into the living room of her James’ London flat.

“I find it just as hard to believe as you do Lils, but I can’t and won’t ignore the facts. We almost died today, and Remus has been acting shady about this mission all week,” he reasoned as grabbed the bottle of dittany off their coffee table left there from last night’s injuries.

“Yeah, because it was dangerous you idiot! Not because he’s the bloody spy!” she screamed.

“Whatever, we’ll talk to Dumbledore about it later to see what he thinks, but you’re bleeding. Here, let me—”

“No,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to do this right now. I can’t think. I can’t—” she started hyperventilating.

“Lils? Breathe love,” Sirius cautioned as he carefully helped her sit on the couch. She then put her head in hands and started to slowly breathe. Sirius rubbed her back soothingly as it rose and fell with each breath she took.

“Just leave Padfoot. I’m fine. I don’t want to be around anyone right now,” she croaked.

Sirius knew these last few weeks had been especially hard for Lily. She had been really sick with some sort of stomach bug last week. Her sister had announced her pregnancy, and when Lily congratulated her, Petunia told her she didn’t want Lily to have anything to do with the baby. Worst of all, James has been off on a mission for Dumbledore for the last few days, and they don’t know when he’ll back yet.

“Okay Lils, but please, send a patronus to me or Pete if you need anything, promise me,” he begged as he bent down to try and make eye contact with her through the curtain of red hair covering her face.

Lily only nodded in response for fear that if she spoke, she would scream at him for leaving Remus out of that sentence. She then felt his lips place a gentle kiss on the back of her head before he started towards the door.

As soon as she heard the door close, she let the sobs she had been holding in break. She didn’t even know what exactly she was crying for at this point. Her mind was too full to comprehend her thoughts any longer—so she just cried.

_______________________________________________________________________

At an order meeting a few days later, Lily just sat quietly as everyone screamed at each other.

“That’s idiotic Fenwick. Why the fuck would they target the McKinnons next? We all know that the Bones’ are their biggest threat. They’re the ones that need the extra protection!” screeched Dorcas.

“Hey now! Usually I would agree, but Marlene is away with James on that mission. So her family is more vulnerable, and you can bet your arse at least deatheater or two knows that!” bellowed Gideon.

Lily’s head was pounding at this point. She could see Alice across the room appearing to ignore all the arguing too. Her eyes were glued to a random spot on the table as she was leaned back against the back of her chair with her hands caressing her stomach.

“Enough.”

Everyone’s heads, including Alice and Lily’s, turned toward the headmaster.

“I do not care for this shouting right now, and I need to go back to Hogwarts in ten minutes. So Alastor, would you mind adding in your input?”

Moody’s gave a gruff nod toward Dumbledore and then stated, “all right, we don’t have the answers we need right now—”

“Like answers would be any bloody help right now. Answers only end up making more questions at this point,” Sirius interrupted.

“Lose the attitude Black. Anyway, as I was saying, we don’t have any answers as to which family the deatheaters are planning to execute this week, but thanks to James and Marlene’s quick work on their mission, they should be back within the next day. So both families need only be protected for tonight. Then once Marlene’s back, we’ll only need to worry about the Bones’…for now,” assured Moody.

Lily’s heart soared at those words. James was coming home soon. She made eye contact with Sirius who was across the room from her to share a small smile with him. She didn’t know what to believe or which families the deatheaters wanted to crucify, but she could believe in James coming back home to her. So she just needed to hold on to that for now.

_______________________________________________________________________

It had been three nights, and James and Marlene still weren’t back yet. However, for the first time in a week, James’ safety was not the only thing paralyzing Lily’s mind at this moment. She was sitting on the bathroom floor cross-legged staring at a plus sign on a stick she just peed on.

A baby? She panicked. We can’t have a baby right now!

She needed to talk to someone, but she refused to let anyone know before James. So she got up from the bathroom floor and started to pace the wand in her hand shooting sparks every now and then that she didn’t notice. She paced throughout the entire flat engaging in an inner monologue with herself.

She’d reasoned that she and James wanted this, and even though it was soon, they knew a child would be in their arms eventually. But the war. She and James had to grow up during a war, and she did not want her baby to lose their youth sooner than it should’ve like it happened with them. She was hoping to do this at a time when she could raise her child freely and happily.

The best part of this though also happened to be the worst part—having this baby meant that not only now did she have James to lose, but a child too, her child.

All she could stand to do right now was continue pacing. So pace she did.

_______________________________________________________________________

James was exhausted as he dragged his feet towards the door of his and Lily’s flat.

He and Marlene had just left Hogwarts after briefing Dumbledore on how their mission went, and now all he wanted to do was snuggle up next to his wife in bed, and sleep for the rest of the year.

After opening the door, the first thing he saw was Lily sprawled across the sofa fast asleep. If there was anything that could have put a smile on his face after one of the worst and most gruesome weeks of his life, it was this image of Lily.

He shucked off his dirty jacket and shoes and padded his way over to her. He knelt down beside her, to place a careful kiss on her lips so as to not wake her, and when her nose crinkled a little in her sleep in response to his kiss, he let out a soft chuckle.

That’s when he put his wand on the ground beside him, gently placed one arm beneath her knees and the other beneath her shoulder blades, slowly lifted her up, walked her to their room to delicately placed her on their bed underneath the covers. He then tossed his shirt on the floor to get in the bed with her, spooning her from behind. He took a moment to savor the feeling of having his wife back in his arms after a week of being away from her. He buried his face in the back of her neck, breathing in her scent and placed his arm over her waist to come to a rest on her stomach. Then, he was out like a light.

_______________________________________________________________________

Lily woke up to the rhythm of familiar a heartbeat beneath her cheek and the warm homey scent of her husband filling her nose.  

“James?” she asked not quite believing her senses.

James, who was still asleep, began to stir, “Mmmm Lils,” he mumbled.

Lily’s eyes opened to the sight of the warm colored skin that was James’s chest. She then slowly turned her head to look up at the face she had been longing to see this past week and let out the biggest grin when she saw him smiling sleepily back at her.

“Hey love,” he beamed behind his glasses that he forgot to take off again.

“Hi,” she grinned as she proceeded to get up more so she could lie herself on top of him between his legs.

“How are you?” he asked lifting his head up to kiss her.

“Good now that you’re here,” she breathed between kisses, “what about you?” she asked kissing him once more.

“Same,” he grinned back, brushing her hair from her face to get a better look at her. “You look tired though,” he frowned.

“Yeah, but I’m okay,” she claimed as she rested her head against his chest again, and he began to run his fingers through her hair. Lily knew that James knows something is up, but she also knew that he knows it’s okay for her to not have anything left to say right now in this peaceful quiet.

Lily would tell James the news later that night, but right now, she just wanted to bask in this easy silence James always seems to make for her. The rest of the world can remain at bay for the time being.

Superheroes Never Die

Warnings: Angst (so much angst), cursing (one or two), blood & injuries

(Requests are open if you want to see more stuff)

The walls around you shook as another round of bullets were fired your way, you quickly ducked behind a block of wall that had haphazardly been blown there by an explosion that erupted not long ago.

“It wasn’t supposed to go like this! What went wrong!” Thoughts circled throughout your head as you tried to calm down your racing heartbeat. Shouts and bullets tore through the air around you as you tried to pinpoint your targets.

“Right you’ve got to focus, one wrong move and you’re through. There’s one on the left reloading and three on the right next to the doorway I came in, if I’m quick I’ll be able to take them down before more come in” Nodding to yourself you conjured four balls of condensed coloured energy, you went through your internal plan once more before you stood up and threw the balls, manipulating them in the directions you needed them to go. Four simultaneous grunts of pain were heard, followed by the same number of thuds as the four men hit the floor. You allowed yourself a breath in before running out of the doorway and down the corridor you came through.

“Okay immediate danger over, I’ve got to meet up with the others at the rendezv- shit where am I?” You inner monologue stopped as you realised you had no idea where you were, you looked around desperate to find something familiar. You cursed yourself as nothing rang a bell and chose one of the three corridors in front of you to run down, it was better than standing there and waiting for the enemies to find you. While running down the corridor you heard the distant sound of fighting, you almost felt relieved until you remembered where you were and that whoever was fighting could be in trouble.

You turn to corner to find Peter, you mission partner, fighting against a group of men who looked to be twice his size. “Spiderman, behind you!” Your call allowed Peter to turn and dodge a hit that would have at least given him a few bruises, maybe even broken bones.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here? You were supposed to retreat to the meeting point” Peter turned to see you engaging in battle, taking some of the men previously battling him by surprise.

“You don’t think I know that? I got lost dipshit” Peter stopped the laugh from coming out of the mouth, it was reduced to a quick puff of air released from his nose. The two of you continued to fight, taking down most of the men until one remained. You and Peter looked at each other silently calling dibs before and explosion erupted from a room to their left. You braced yourself as you hit the wall behind you, almost crying out in pain from the pieces of wall that had trapped you to the floor.

“Shit this thing is way too heavy to manipulate” You tried to lift the rock up from your body using your telekinetic powers but whined when it didn’t even move. You looked around to see the man you and Peter were fighting over run out of the room after digging himself out of the debris.

“(Y/N)!” You heard Peter call your name, you hadn’t realised how blurry your vision was until you saw a large red blotch cover your vision, you guessed it was Peter.

“Come on (Y/N), we’ve got this. You push and I’ll pull okay? You’ll be out of here in no time and we can hunt that guy down, yeah?” His optimism was cute but still made you grimace at the fact that you knew you weren’t going to get out of here soon. You could hear the distant footsteps of more soldiers coming your way.

“Peter, you know as well as I do that that won’t work, you’ve got to get to the rendezvous point, okay? I’ll hold everyone off while you go get Tony or someone to come and let me out.” Peter shook his head, he knew as well as you did that if he were to leave you wouldn’t make it, you could barely see straight, how on earth were you going to fight of a group of armed men?

“No (Y/N), you are going to help me move this thing off of you so we can get there together” His sincerity made you second guess yourself, maybe you could move this thing if you tried hard enough. If it didn’t work you were dead, so there wasn’t anything to lose right? Plus, as cheesy as it sounds, you needed to get out of this alive so you could tell Peter how you felt.

“Fine, when I say go pull as hard as you can okay?” Peter nodded preparing himself, he was relieved his friend wasn’t giving up so easily. He fired web at the rock and stood back, watching intently for his friend to make the signal. You watched as Peter nodded at you, signalling he was ready, you took a deep breath in and stilled your thoughts. Your mind went to the rock that was pinning you down, the molecules within it and the small fire that was in your core. You concentrated on increasing the size of the fire, not stopping until it felt like every cell on your body had been caught in the raging flame, you opened your eyes and stared at the rock, willing yourself to push harder than you ever had. You felt the boulder starting to move, giving you the willpower to try harder.

“Now!” You screamed at Peter, the overwhelming feeling of carrying something so heavy starting to weigh you down, you could feel blood pouring out of your nose and ears and, for a second, you were worried you had pushed yourself too hard. Using Peter’s strength paired with your own you were able to wriggle yourself out of the crevice you had found yourself stuck in. You stood up and stopped concentrating on the gigantic rock, it hit the floor with a massive crash, the force almost pushing Peter and you off your feet again. There was little time to celebrate as the footsteps you’d heard earlier were even closer, they were right around the corner.

“(Y/N), be careful!” You didn’t understand what he meant at first but the second you took your first step you almost collapsed, looking down you saw the state your legs were in, no wonder Peter was worried. Large gashes had presented themselves up and down your legs and multiple bruises had already begun to form. You didn’t have time to be surprised as multiple men turned the corner and immediately started shooting at the of the both of you. Peter grabbed your upper arm and began to run; the ceiling was too low to swing and so the both of you had to put your remaining stamina into pushing your legs harder to get yourselves out of danger.

You used the remainder of your powers to slam the entrance doors open and almost cried at the sudden dizziness you experienced, you felt like you were about to pass out. You shook your head to regain focus, you couldn’t pass out now, not after how hard Peter had worked to get you out of that room. You looked up and saw the group of Avengers you were supposed to meet an hour ago, the sight of them reduced you to tears and you felt safe enough to stop running. You fell to the floor almost immediately in a state of exhaustion and closed your eyes, welcoming the feeling of safety that had been absent for the majority of the mission.

“(Y/N), open your eyes” The urgency of Peter’s tone confused you, the fighting had stopped so why did he still sound so desperate? You opened you eyes and, instead of finding everyone smiling down at you, you were greeted by the shocked and worried faces of your comrades.

“What’s wrong, why is everyone looking at me like tha-“An indescribable pain shot through your veins before you were able to finish you sentence. It took you a moment to register that the distant noise of screaming was originating from you. You looked down not only to see your mangled legs, but also numerous bullets wounds decorating your torso. You looked back up at Peter who was desperately trying to keep his tears at bay.

“You’ll be alright (Y/N), Mr. Stark is gonna get you all fixed up and you’ll be fine” You nodded, not being able to form any words. You could hear the distance conversation between Tony and Bruce, you turned your head in an attempt the make the conversation clearer.

“Bruce, get Dr. Cho to the tower, (Y/N)’s going to need a full treatment” Bruce nodded, giving you once last look of sympathy before retreating into the jet to relay Stark’s message. You turned back up to look at the sky wanted to scream and shout at the unfairness of it all, you had been so hopeful when you’d managed to wriggle out from underneath that rock, when you outrun the men that had ran around the corner and now it would all be for nothing. You looked up to Peter who had since laid your head in his lap in an attempt to get you as comfortable as possible.

“Peter I’m so sorry” Peter shook his head as he looked down at you, you could feel your body shaking and the edges of your vision got darker, making Peter’s face the only clear thing you could see, not that you were complaining.

“Don’t… Don’t say that (Y/N) you’re going be fine Dr. Cho is great at these things she’s going to fix you and it’ll be like this never happened” Peter was saying this more to himself than you but you nodded anyway, clinging on to that last shred of hope you had. Peter was right, you weren’t going to die, you were going to take that AP Physics quiz that you had been studying for so long, you were going to see your friends again MJ and Ned, you and Peter were going to tell Ned this awesome story of how you all escaped death. You smiled at the thought

“Ned’s going to love this story Peter, I can tell” Peter let out a pitiful laugh and nodded,

“Yeah he is, that’s why you gotta keep your eyes open” You frowned, you knew you weren’t going to be able to keep your eyes open for much longer they were getting heavier and heavier by the second. Your breaths were few and far between and the pain you were feeling had gotten worse.

“Pete, we’ve got to move her onto the jet to get her home” Peter nodded at Tony and carefully picked you up, making sure not to touch or agitate any of your wounds. He was trying so hard not to let tears fall, he was terrified of what was going to happen. What if she didn’t make it? What if Dr. Cho couldn’t do anything for her? Peter placed you on the floor carefully, pushing all negative thoughts out of his mind, you were a superhero and superheroes never die.

“Peter I don’t think I can do it, ‘m so tried” Your tired eyes met Peter’s who let out a sob at how tired you looked, he hugged your body closer to his

“Please (Y/N)… please just stay awake for a little while longer, we’re on our way to the tower where we can fix you okay?” You could only hear certain parts of his sentence but you were able to piece together what he was trying to say. You raised your hand and rubbed away a stray tear that had escaped through Peter’s desperate attempts to stay positive.

“Peter please listen to me, this is really bad timing but I don’t care, I really, really like you and I’m kicking myself for not telling you sooner.” Peter shook his head

“(Y/N) I really like you too, since about 6th Grade so you’ve got to get through this so we can make up all the time we wasted by not telling each other” You smiled and, with the last of your energy, picked Peter’s hand up and kissed it.

“Please don’t mourn for too long, I want you to move on and find someone else to love because it cant be me Peter, I’m sorry but it can’t” Peter touched his forehead to yours, the feeling of warmth was the last thing you felt before you took your final breath.

Peter didn’t want to believe you were gone even after Karen confirmed that there was no heartbeat detected. he still believed you were alive and that you were just taking a nap after the events that transpired not long ago. The apples of your cheeks were still pink, and you were still warm, you looked so alive so there was no way you were really gone.

“Superheroes never die, superheroes never die” The words repeated over and over in Peter’s mind, he held onto the irrational belief that if he said it enough times it would reign true and that you’ll make it to Dr. Cho and this will all be a painful memory.

Peter knew though, deep down, that you were gone and, as painful as it was, there was no way of getting you back.

Donald Glover is, not surprisingly, great at Saturday Night Live

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Donald Glover is, not surprisingly, great at Saturday Night Live

Donald Glover

Screenshot: Saturday Night Live

“It’s so great to be back here, especially now that I’m rich.”

“I’m not an actor, I’m an [everything, including Star Wars] star!”

Unsurprisingly, Donald Glover is really good on Saturday Night Live. I wasn’t aware—as Glover revealed in his monologue—that the Atlanta/Solo: A Star Wars Story/music (as Childish Gambino)/everything else star tried out for SNL, twice. (And was rejected twice—smooth move, Lorne.) Also in the monologue, Glover, goofing on his polymath status, asks SNL long(est)-timer Kenan Thompson about his audition, to which Kenan replies, “Do you know how long ago that was?” As great and indispensable as Kenan’s become on the show, one wonders how a Donald Glover on Saturday Night Live career would have gone. On the evidence of both Glover’s career track and tonight’s good-but-not-great Saturday Night Live, it’s easy to see either Glover becoming the next Eddie Murphy and taking over the show (before splitting for greener pastures), or splitting for greener pastures a lot sooner after getting frustrated by the show’s historical blindspot when it comes to talented black actors.

Saturday Night LiveSeason 43

B

Episode

19

Crooning “I really can do anything,” as he cockily screws up all over the backstage area, Glover does the requisite self-deprecating thing just fine in the monologue. (That fall out of camera off of Kyle Mooney’s skateboard is some stellar physical comedy.) But Glover really can do anything. Not to bring in his former bosses to back up what’s readily apparent, but Tina Fey hired him to write for one of the best sitcoms ever when he was still living in the NYU dorms, while Dan Harmon spent the first few seasons’ worth of Community commentaries extolling the found gold that was Glover on that other superlative sitcom while accurately bemoaning the fact that it was inevitable Glover would fly the coop once his talent kicked down door after door. Pulling the rare and coveted double-duty as host and musical guest here, Glover wasn’t out to prove he belonged on a show that twice said he didn’t. And he neither came off as feeling himself above the gig nor awed by it. Donald Glover, simply, was Donald Glover, imbuing his characters with hilariously specific inner life and holding the screen by virtue of being, well, Donald Glover. He was outstanding.

And the sketches weren’t bad. They could have been tighter—the Barbie and Lando sketches had endings that sort of dribbled out after some solid laughs. And even his winning monologue needed some more snap to the writing and the presentation. Still, Glover is, for all his many talents, an innately funny performer. He would have been a star on Saturday Night Live, but it’s probably for the best that he didn’t get pulled into the weekly task of elevating good-but-not-great material.

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Weekend Update update

Jost and Che got roasted on their own showcase tonight, as Pete Davidson—under the guise of doing a “Spring in New York” piece—goofed on the Update duo about their recently announced Emmy-hosting gig. Calling Jost and Che “the less entertaining version of Riggs and Murtaugh,” and complaining that awards shows are now handed over to “just cute friends,” Davidson did his kid brother, “kidding on the square” routine perfectly, mixing professional jealously in with a handful of the critiques habitually hurled at Jost and Che’s rise from awkward unwatchability to their hard-won, chummy chemistry.

But Jost and Che do have chemistry now (and it did take a long time to get here), with the Update anchors and co-head writers (along with Kent Sublette and Bryan Tucker) so easy in their odd couple riffing that it’s easy to forget how painful their mismatched sensibilities once were. Here, Che got his usual, thoroughly earned gasp-groans, joking that, if there weren’t two FBI approaches to investigating white and black powerful people, Martin Luther King would have died of old age on top of his mistress. He got another when referring to Donald Trump accuser and tonight’s most surprising guest star, Stormy Daniels. (More on that in a bit.) His joke about her not coming on Update because her price goes down if “she’s seen on camera with a black guy” isn’t a knock on the adult film actress so much as on the racism of the adult film industry and its consumers, but, with Daniels in the house, it got another well-deserved intake of breath from the audience.

Jost, too, has honed his delivery, snapping off his uniformly cutting Trump jokes with a confident hand. The political situation is so off-the-charts ludicrous and self-parodying that finding comic angles on it is nearly futile. Still, Jost came at the Trump-ian shitshow with apt comparisons (leaking Robert Mueller’s supposed interview questions as crowdsourcing legal strategy like Lay’s crowdsources its new flavors), and with appeals for sanity in the form of to-camera broadsides about the insanity. Referring to newest and least-competently duplicitous Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani, Jost called Trump’s ill-concealed payouts to Daniels “the loudest hush money in history.”

Leslie Jones came out with a song in her heart. A sweetly soulful, yet deeply disappointed and bitter song, that is, as she ran down her supposedly real list of deeply subpar former boyfriends. Jones’ search for love has taken on a deceptively potent edge in these pieces—her position as a successful, 50-ish black woman lends her comically painful misadventures an immediacy that transcends mere gag-lines. Here, punctuating tales of accidentally dating a homeless guy, a guy still living with his mom, and a part-time rapper with four kids who works at Panera Bread with the genuinely lovely chorus “In the arms of an angel, fly away from here,” Jones’ lament is one of the best things she’s done on the show.

Best/Worst sketch of the night

There weren’t any truly bad sketches in the bunch tonight. The weakest was the pillow talk rehash (see below), with the courtroom sketch a tight second. Glover is very funny in the piece, donning a salt-and-pepper wig as the futilely strutting attorney attempting to derail the lawsuit by a guy whose entire family was devoured at Jurassic Park. There’s funny stuff all through the piece—Glover tries to undo the damage of a bloody film of the plaintiff’s friends being devoured by a T-Rex by appealing to the franchise’s recurring plot twists. (“The T-Rex is a good guy now! It is consistently saving the day!”) But for the first post-monologue sketch, it needed to be stronger.

The Barbie sketch, too, saw Glover taking hold of a weirdly specific character and getting big laughs. As one of a trio of unimpressive Mattel interns tasked with providing captions for Barbie’s inexplicably popular Instagram account, Glover’s rigid-postured applicant spins each innocuous promo photo’s backstory into a twisted narrative of existential ennui and PTSD that, in Glover’s haunted delivery, is very funny, indeed. Pete Davidson and Heidi Gardner get their laughs, too, as a pair of disparate dum-dums who keep picking up on each others’ incorrect answers, and Kenan has a blast as the Matte exec who takes his Barbie job very seriously, indeed.

The music video sketch was another fine showcase for Glover, even if you didn’t have the frame of reference for the joke in your memory bank. Glover’s 80s-era R&B character Raz P. Berry’s song of stalking, betrayal, and increasingly gross and petty revenge takes its inspiration from the song and video “The Rain” from one-hit wonder Oran “Juice” Jones, which is only slightly less bananas than this. I like that the sketch takes its time, only revealing that Glover’s Berry has showered in his own pee and stuffed his cheating girlfriend’s jewelry up his butt because he was following the wrong woman around town. The misogynistic, lunatic abusiveness of Berry’s song might only be a marginally heightened version of Jones’ paternalistic finger-wagging assholery, but the sketch plays on the inherent creepiness of the genre while allowing Glover to show off both his pipes and his comic chops. The sketch is funny enough if you’ve never seen the original video—but watch the original video.

The Lando sketch, calling out the lack of diversity in the Star Wars universe should have been stronger—this is one of the sketches with pacing problems—but any chance to get a sneak peek at the pitch-perfect casting of Glover as Lando Calrissian/Billy Dee Williams is okay with me. Kenan does a funny Forest Whitaker/Saw Gerrera, reading off a list of the late black characters who couldn’t be at the under-attended conference. (“Mace Windu—thank you.”) And Lando smoothly calls out the fact that the SWU is teeming with “lizard men wearing vests—just three black people though.”

The two filmed pieces were the highlight, though. “Friendos” saw the members of Migos segueing from their signature rap braggadocio into their weekly therapy session with Cecily Strong’s Dr. Angel Adelson. Glover, Kenan, and Chris Redd are all great, their cocksure superstars gradually letting loose with their inner insecurities over, for example, just whose idea it was to get that sweet-ass Lambo. I’m a sucker for a piece that takes a high-concept premise (complete with elaborate wigs and facial tattoos) and veers into an unexpected, decidedly low-key and eccentric direction. And the three actors (and Strong’s therapist) are so specific and so strong that the conceit manages to wring some genuine emotion out of the bandmates’ generosity toward each other.

“A Kanye Place” takes the movie parody of A Quiet Place as inspiration to let Glover and the cast give a clever “What the fuck?” to Kanye West’s recent Trump-praising, TMZ-ranting, slave-shaming public meltdown. Lovingly detailed, the parody keeps finding ways for the terrified survivors to inadvertently out themselves to the sound-sensitive monsters lurking in the cornfield. “I need to know if he said ‘poopity-scoop!,’” blurts Aidy Bryant’s formerly sensible survivor, dooming her. As far as non-musical diss tracks go, Glover’s turn here calls out his fellow rapper’s most recent episode with hilarious eloquence.

“What do you call that act?” “The Californians!”—Recurring sketch report

Melissa Villaseñor is a talented impressionist and a funny performer whose search for recurring characters who will stick continues. Here, she brings back her one-joke character of the lady who is really, uniquely bad at dirty talk. Opposite Glover, her strength is in just how specifically terrible her pillow talk role-playing is. (Asked to be mean to him, she smilingly purrs “Your dad’s dead.”) It’s not a bad premise, but the sketch, like a number of them tonight, was slack where it should have crackled. Like the couple’s tentative shoulder-pawing throughout, there was a lack of commitment that left the whole thing sort of—flaccid.

“It was my understanding there would be no math”—Political comedy report

Well, quantity won out in this week’s political cold open. I’ve make my thoughts on Alec Baldwin’s hammily indifferent Donald Trump clear enough by this point, but at least SNL went all-out in addressing this week’s top-of-the-shitheap Trump scandal. (Oh, he totally did pay off adult film star Stormy Daniels, according to new lawyer Rudy Giuliani’s loose, Nosferatu lips.) So we got a return of Ben Stiller’s panicky Michael Cohen, ineptly conferencing in a parade of gust stars and a new Kate McKinnon impression. (She can add a ghoulishly addled Giuliani to her roster of every other member of this misbegotten administration.) Martin Short popped in as former Trump doctor Harold Bornstein, screaming about feeling “raped” by Trump’s goons raiding his office to confiscate Trump’s health records. (Oh, that happened this week, too.)

Scarlett Johansson and Jimmy Fallon played Ivanka and Jared, allowing Fallon to screech in a high-pitched voice. Leslie Jones was Omarosa, Aidy Bryant was Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Cecily Strong rose warily into frame as Melania to ask about wives testifying against husbands, Beck Bennett’s Mike Pence was interrupted surreptitiously calling a gay chat line—all SNL’s standbys. The revelation that Trump’s wires-crossed conversation with Stormy Daniels wouldn’t be played by Kate McKinnon, but by the actual Daniels (aka Stephanie Clifford) herself counts as the biggest coup, though. Sure to send Trump into a Twitter-tizzy (nothing yet as of publish-time), Daniels’ appearance is notable for a number of reasons. For one, it’s a porn star/presidential mistress at the center of a legal battle that could unseat Donald Trump calling for said president’s resignation live on national TV. So, sort of a biggie. For another, it’s part of SNL’s long and storied tradition of allowing a high profile drop-in to dictate the joke, something that always comes off as impressive in booking prestige as it is invariably sort-of lame in execution. Still—eyes on Trump’s Twitter feed should you wish to keep up with the daily, self-regurgitating debasement of American democracy and public discourse in 2018.

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I am hip to the musics of today

Childish Gambino has evolved along with Glover, changing from the effortfully clever Camp to Awaken, My Love!’s confidently funk-adelic theatricality. (Although I still listen to Camp on the reg, Pitchfork be damned.) Tonight, playing new songs “Saturday” and “This Is America” (whose startling, disturbing video dropped during the show), Glover/Gambino created synthesis. “Saturday” was a block party carved out in the corner of Studio 8H, Glover’s monologue jokes about not being hired layering his Solo cups, dominoes, and shirt-open groove with added frisson.

And “This Is America” out-Kanye-d Kanye, Gambino again bringing a theatrical flair (laser-lighting, uniformed school-age dancers) to the stage for a mesmerizing few minutes. Each performance unobtrusively introduced by fellow young black entertainment royalty (Zoe Kravitz, Daniel Kaluuya), Gambino simply took over SNL. Gambino may be on the cusp of retirement, but Glover’s musical alter ego has transcended stunt. Childish Gambino has become a formidable outlet for Glover’s artistic expression, and someone whose music is worth waiting for.

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Most/Least Valuable (Not Ready For Prime Time) Player

Luke, buddy. I saw your unaired sketch from the Mulaney show, which wasn’t bad at all. Getting on-air, though, is still not working out. Hang in there? I guess?

I’m going to go with Chris Redd for the top spot. He had smaller roles, but he popped in them. And he and Alex Moffat did some fine silent work as a pair of incredulous FBI wiretappers in the cold open.

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“What the hell is that thing?”—The Ten-To-Oneland Report

With Chris Redd, Kenan, and Glover playing three hardened cons manning the customer service lines for what sounds like a home shopping company in order to earn “30 cents an hour,” there was the merest hint of edginess to the premise here. (You know, about how for-profit prisons keeping overwhelmingly black prisoners on their pennies-per-day payroll is sort of a, let’s call it, problematic situation.) But the sketch was really about the three actors switching between their tough-talking prison personas and their performatively sunny phone voices, and all three are terrific at it. And the capper that their supervisor is Beck Bennett’s cannibalistic (but white) fellow prisoner brings the edge back on the way out.

Stray observations

In addition to all the other cameos, A$AP Rocky shows up in Dr. Adelson’s waiting room when Migos come out.

Glover notes his work in Community and Solo, “and, if you’re black, I made Atlanta and ‘Redbone.’”

Raz P. Berry has some serious cleaning up to do at home: “I did a lot of things I didn’t get to in the song.”

Che’s guess on the first of Muller’s “trap” questions for Trump: “Colluder says what?”

Pete, on Che and Jost having it all: head writers, Update, Emmy hosts, Harvard, black.

Pete, on his failed “How do [long-ago NBC head] Warren Littlefield’s nuts taste?” burn: “Southwest needs to get some new magazines.”

Lando, on his reaction to seeing naked alien ladies: “Oh, that’s your that. We’ll figure it out.”

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If President Donald Trump ends up pardoning his former political operative Roger Stone, it could very well be—at least in part—thanks to the sustained efforts of a Fox News star and part-time Trump adviser: Tucker Carlson.For roughly a year, the primetime host has done a series of segments devoted to calling on the president to pardon the so-called “dirty trickster” Stone, a Republican consultant, Nixon enthusiast, and lobbyist who had long advised Trump. The show’s position as a platform for pro-Stone messaging is potent enough that Trump allies who seek leniency for Stone have specifically sought to appear on the Fox News show in order to get the message to the president.Stone’s situation has, of course, been of personal interest to the president for a while now. On multiple occasions over the past year, Trump, during casual conversation with White House aides and close associates, has brought up—unprompted—recent episodes of Tucker Carlson Tonight. Trump would then quickly note that Carlson did a segment or monologue on Stone’s predicament, and then ask his aide or friend if they’d seen the episode and “What do you think?” according to two sources with direct knowledge of the president’s private comments on the matter.“That’s how he [often] talks, not showing his hand. He’ll say, ‘What do you think about’ this or that, which will be often code for ‘I’m interested or looking into doing’ this,” one of these people said.On Tuesday, all four prosecutors handling Stone’s court case withdrew, mere hours after the Justice Department headquarters intervened to supercede their recommendation to a federal judge that Stone be sentenced to seven-to-nine years behind bars. And on Wednesday morning, Trump tweeted, “Congratulations to Attorney General Bill Barr for taking charge of a case that was totally out of control and perhaps should not have even been brought.” The president also posted a tweet railing against the “rogue” prosecutors, branding them part of “the swamp,” and tagging Carlson and Fox & Friends at the end.And it’s a topic Carlson has fervently taken up as a cause célèbre.Off-camera, Carlson has at times moonlighted as an informal adviser to Trump. Last year, he privately lobbied Trump against military action on Iran and also used their private chat as an opportunity to trash the president’s more hawkish senior officials, including Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and now-former National Security Adviser John Bolton. On-camera, Carlson helms a program that this president regularly tunes into, with Trump identifying with the host’s immigration-restrictionist, culture-warrior themes.Since early last year, Carlson has been offering up a steady stream of segments framing Stone as a victim of anti-Trump law-enforcement run amok and explicitly advocating for the president’s intervention.One of Carlson’s recurring on-air guests to discuss a potential Stone pardon has been Michael Caputo, another former Trump adviser and a close friend of the Stone family. Asked if he’s appeared on Carlson’s show specifically because he safely assumed Trump would see it, Caputo told The Daily Beast on Tuesday night, “Yes, that was my intention. Tucker has longer segments where he makes convincing arguments about issues the president’s base cares about. Nobody knows that better than the president. It’s a no-brainer.”Fox News Host Pete Hegseth Privately Lobbied Trump to Pardon Accused War CriminalsDuring Carlson’s broadcast Tuesday night, the Fox News primetime star directly appealed to the president and called for clemency for Stone. Expressing concern that the notorious political trickster could “die in prison,” Carlson described Stone as a “67-year-old man with no criminal record” who was caught up in the “Russia hoax.”Claiming violent criminals get far more lenient prison sentences than Stone’s recommended sentence of seven-to-nine years, Carlson grumbled that the left and CNN want the ex-operative to rot in jail, adding, “This man needs a pardon.”Carlson’s demand for clemency as Stone stares down prison time is the culmination of the Fox host’s prolonged effort to clear his buddy. Prior to his indictment as a result of the Mueller investigation, Stone repeatedly appeared on Carlson’s show in 2018, calling the special counsel’s probe “Orwellian” at one point while claiming Robert Mueller was persecuting him for supporting Trump.After Stone was eventually charged with obstruction, witness tampering, and lying to Congress in early 2019, Carlson’s on-air campaign to help secure a pardon for the longtime Trump confidant began in earnest, hosting the Trump ally the day of his Jan. 25 arrest to rail against the indictment.Days after the Stone raid, meanwhile, Carlson fumed, “Mueller himself is a threat to our democracy,” grousing that “nobody controls” him and the “all-powerful unelected prosecutor” was able to “send armed men to your home to roust you from bed at gunpoint just because he feels like it.” The Fox host also began peddling a discredited conspiracy that Mueller tipped off CNN on Stone’s raid in order to capture the whole thing on camera.Weeks later, after Stone was placed under a full gag order, following inflammatory social media posts that the judge in the case deemed threatening, Carlson and his guests began openly calling for his pardon. “Roger Stone is facing life in prison,” Carlson declared on his March 22 broadcast. “He was indicted by an investigation designed to find collusion, indicted on minor charges. He was dragged from his own home in a morning FBI raid. They put an amphibious vehicle outside his house and pointed an automatic weapon in his face, all to find collusion. But there was no collusion. Stone is still looking at life in prison. Where is Roger Stone's pardon? His pardon from the president? Let's hope it comes very soon.”A few days later, Caputo advised Trump through the TV set to issue clemency for Stone via Twitter.“Pardon General Flynn. Pardon George Papadopoulos. And pardon Roger Stone right now, Mr. Trump,” Caputo exclaimed on Tucker’s March 27 show. “Don’t wait until after the election, they deserve it now. Do it right now,” he added. “Do it right now on Twitter.”Caputo and Carlson circled back to this topic in May, with Carlson telling the former Trump aide that “it would be nice to see some pardons, a pardon of Roger Stone, to begin” with. Following Stone’s guilty verdict in November, Carlson once again called for Trump to give the conservative operative a pardon, reminding the president that he had called the decision against Stone a “travesty” while criticizing reports that Trump’s inner circle was advising him against getting involved.While hosting Stone’s daughter Adria Stone, who pleaded with the president to “save” her family, Carlson noted that Trump had recently pardoned two others and “signed a law not that long ago that, in effect, pardoned a lot of crack dealers and also some rapists.”“I honestly do think that after watching a series of people, some of whom are not deserving at all, get pardons from this White House, in effect or literally, you know I think people are going to be watching really carefully to see if your dad is pardoned,” Carlson concluded. “I'm going to be, that's for sure.”In the meantime, figures like Carlson are likely going to be the public voice and face of Stone’s case far more than Stone himself will be. Reached for comment on this story Wednesday afternoon, Stone simply messaged back, “I am under a gag order and therefore have no comment.”—With additional reporting by Max Tani.Tucker Carlson Tells Trump in Private: No War With IranRead more at The Daily Beast.Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast hereGet our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.

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Kobe Bryant Launching New Podcast for Kids — and Says Coaching His Daughters Helped Inspire Him

Long before his days of domination on the Los Angeles Lakers, Kobe Bryant knew all too well what it was to be a nervous kid standing before the unknown. In one case for a then 6-year-old Bryant, the “unknown” was facing off against a skilled fighter in his karate class. “I’m freaking out because in my mind I could see myself just getting absolutely pummeled,” Bryant, who turned 40 on Thursday, tells PEOPLE. “I didn’t want to do it, and my imagination was just like, ‘You’re going to get knocked out. You’re going to lose teeth. It’s going to be horrible.’ But once I fought him — and I got my butt kicked — it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my own head.” Learning how to calm that inner doubt, even in the likelihood of defeat, would remain influential to Bryant for years to come. “Anything that we can conjure up in our own mind is going to be way worse than the reality of the situation — and the important thing is keeping your mind quiet,” the five-time NBA champion says. “If you give your imagination the power of negative self-talk, that can be extremely detrimental.” Now, Bryant is hoping to help children who may feel anxious or discouraged while participating in new activities through a new, scripted podcast series, “The Punies.” The show, developed by Bryant’s Granity Studios along with Cadence 13, will premiere on Apple’s Podcast app, Google Play, Spotify and other streaming platforms on August 25. RELATED: Kobe Bryant Opens Up About Animated Short Film Dear Basketball, His ‘Love Letter’ to the Sport Directed by Bryant himself, the up to 15-minute episodes follow character “Puny” Pete, as he navigates a variety of activities — each with their own unique obstacle and solution — with his group of diverse friends. Through Pete’s experiences, the show illustrates life lessons, including how to constructively respond to failure and work together as a team. The episodes are also filled with upbeat music, humorous commentary and even fictional commercials, mimicking sports radio. Episodes of “The Punies” will drop every Saturday morning for 10 weeks, a time slot reminiscent of once-popular weekend cartoons. Bryant chose the “old-school” Saturday morning schedule because it’s when many parents will be driving their kids to sporting events, something he regularly does for his daughters, Natalia, 15, and Gianna, 12 — both who play basketball. “I wanted to give parents something they can listen to during the drive because we certainly needed something to listen to,” Bryant, who also shares Bianka Bella, 20 months, with wife Vanessa, says. “We need something that’s fun, something that gets the kids ready to play, but also keeps things light and fun, and has a message for them before they engage in competition.” Since his retirement from the NBA in 2016 — which ended in a spectacular 60 point showing from the athlete — Bryant hasn’t been shy about showcasing his knack for storytelling. Notably, he became the first NBA player to win an Academy Award for his animated short, Dear Basketball, based off of the poem he wrote revealing his plans to retire (his Oscar sits next to the Emmy he also won, he says). But this love for storytelling has also proven invaluable to Bryant as a father. “If you’re able to implant life lessons through humor, and through fantasy and fairytale,” he explains, “then those tend to resonate a lot more .” This revelation fueled his desire to create his kid-centric audio show, as well as his series of videos featuring “Little Mamba,” which debuted on ESPN last year. But it’s also thanks to his daughters that Byrant hasn’t found himself too far from a basketball court in retirement — albeit, on the sideline as their coach. It’s a role he’s having a lot of fun with, he says, but one he also values for allowing him to teach his girls in a new environment. “A valuable lesson that I can teach them is what it means to pursue excellence and the commitment level that comes with that,” Bryant, an 18-time NBA All-Star, says of being a coach. “At the same time, making things fun and challenging, and learning new things. But they’re having a blast. They’ve gotten extremely, extremely good over the course of the last year, and are continuing to work and get better, man. It’s been fun.” But Bryant will be making trips back to the basketball court at Staples Center — the arena that now displays both his retired No. 8 and No. 24 jerseys in the rafters — soon enough, as he’ll be on hand to watch LeBron James in his first season with the team. “I’m definitely going to watch. I’m going to try to get down to some games and support them,” he says. “It should be awesome, it should be a great season!” RELATED: Kobe Bryant Says Friends Joke ‘It Takes a Real Man to Make a Boy’: I Tell Them ‘It Takes a King to Make a Princess’ There has been much excitement surrounding the newly acquired James, but his arrival hasn’t silenced critics who have cast doubt on whether the Lakers will be successful this year. Much of the skepticism stems from the collection of new players who joined the roster after the signing of James, 33, during the offseason. While questions about team chemistry remain, Bryant says not knowing what to expect isn’t such a bad thing after all. “They need to do better than last year. That’s for sure. But I think the most important thing at this stage is to just focus on each day, because it’s hard to say what we can expect from such a new team,” he says. “We really don’t know what to expect, which I think is a good thing. They’ll just work hard every day, and get better every day, and see where they end up.” WATCH: Kobe Bryant Receives Love From Sports World on The Night His Jerseys Get Retired These are qualities that echo what Bryant hopes to pass along to children with each edition of “The Punies.” “You have these outside forces pulling you in different directions that distract from the fact that you just simply need to put the right foot in front of the left, the left in front of the right, and just keep on moving,” he says. “The lead-up for all of these episodes is, despite the noise, the confusion, the inner monologue and outer distractions, it ultimately comes down to just placing one foot in front of the other.” http://bit.ly/2P08FjL

[This story contains spoilers from the series finale of ABC’s Scandal, “Over a Cliff.”]

The Gladiators have left their arena.

On Thursday, ABC and Shonda Rhimes closed up Olivia Pope and Associates for good as Scandal wrapped its seven-season run with a series finale that explored the ramifications of going public with the existence of black-ops group B613 and the ultimate corruption that comes with the thirst for power and the Oval Office.

The series finale, fittingly called “Over a Cliff” and written by Rhimes, followed the Gladiators all standing in the light to tell the truth about what they’ve done over their years of back-room deals and misdeeds to protect the Republic (and their own inner-circle of power). As expected, the finale featured a couple of familiar faces, resolved the B613 case and left some things open for interpretation.

Ultimately, Attorney General David Rosen (Josh Malina) — aka the most innocent person in D.C. whose hat was the whitest among everyone on the show — would pay the price for everything and was killed off. In the end, it was Cyrus (Jeff Perry) — the vice president of the United States — who killed David as he proved yet again that he would do anything to make the Oval Office his own in a storyline that Scandal has followed since its start. The series has always explored how the Oval Office and lust for power corrupts those who come near it, and Cyrus killing David illustrated how far he would go to get the highest office in the country. As for Cyrus, Olivia demands his resignation and he willingly agrees as he acknowledges that the things that he has done in his lust for power are demons from which he can never escape.

“It’s always been my contention that the Oval Office, in our show, was a place that corrupted anybody who came near it and the closer you came, the more corrupt it made you and the more damaged it made you,” Rhimes told reporters, including THR, ahead of the finale. “Olivia started out as the character that we knew who has very much believed in how important this particular kind of power was and how molding it and being a part of it was — and we watched her, like everybody else, become absolutely corrupted by it, and make all the same mistakes that everybody else makes to get what she wants from it.”

That reveal capped a final season that focused largely on how Olivia (Kerry Washington), who assumed control of B613 in the season six finale, had to fight her way back into the light and stand in the sun of what’s right and, most importantly, who she really is at her core. Given the chance to flee by her father Rowan (Joe Morton), the one-time head of B613, Olivia opted instead to tell the truth and find her moral center again. Rowan, as it turns out, shockingly opted to do the same and testified that he created B613 and did so in a response to a need: because white men whose privilege left the Republic in a state of neglect. Rowan confesses to his work fixing elections, acts of terrorism and more — but he did so for a reason. “I am responsible for the fact that this nation still stands,” he testifies. “I wake up every morning and I make America great.” Rowan’s final monologue is a larger statement about race in America and that the white men who run the country were ultimately controlled by a black man. Rowan’s testimony brings Jake (Scott Foley) down as he takes the fall for B613.

“One of the things that Olivia says in the penultimate episode is this idea of standing up and being somebody who puts everything out in the open is important,” Rhimes told reporters, including THR, ahead of the series ender. “Whether or not everybody pays for what they’ve done, I don’t know that that’s what the finale is about as much as it’s about seeing what happens once that choice has been made.”

Rhimes  reiterated that she has always been more “Team Olivia” than any other romantic pairing for her D.C. fixer and the finale would serve to complete Olivia’s “evolution” from the time viewers met her — when she’d already rigged a presidential election — to what happens after she finds her moral center again this season.” So post-B613, did Olivia wind up with her fairy tale ending with Fitz and a lifetime of making jam in Vermont? The end of the series featured Olivia’s portrait in the National Portrait Gallery — leaving viewers to decide for themselves if Olivia would wind up becoming president or was rewarded for her role in cleaning up D.C.’s corruption and becoming the ultimate fixer. (A nice touch: Rhimes’ daughter, Harper, was the young girl left looking up at the portrait, which said “We the People” along its side.)

As Rhimes warned, the finale also left that and a few other storylines open for viewers to interpret on their own as Scandal jumped forward following the conclusion of the B613 trial. Rhimes and producers have no immediate plans of discussing how the series ultimately ended and intentionally wanted to leave the audience to determine the show’s ultimate takeaway about politics in D.C. (Rhimes noted that the finale was more about completing Olivia’s journey than making a statement about backroom dealings in D.C.)

The finale also left viewers to decide if Olivia and Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) got their happy ending and life of jam-making in Vermont.

That said, here’s a look at where everyone wound up.

• Olivia (Washington): Cleaned up D.C., stood in the sun and was happily her own person. The ending also implied that the path was clear for a romantic relationship with Fitz, free of B613 and secrets. Rhimes’ ending also reiterated a theme that she has explored in the past: that women do not need a man to be happy, though her romantic path to Fitz remained open. Free from working in Washington, Olivia is left to do whatever she wants as she turns her back on D.C.

• Fitz (Goldwyn): The former president still has his foundation and likely now has an open path to a romantic future with the love of his life: Olivia. What’s more: his legacy is left untarnished. He becomes Marcus’ first backer in what could be his eventual run for office.

• Mellie (Young): Cleared from all wrong-doing, Mellie remained president — with a romantic relationship with Marcus. What’s more, she made gun control central to her platform. Olivia winds up telling Mellie that she has always been able to stand on her own two feet and leaves her to run the country — without her.

• Cyrus (Jeff Perry): Resigns as vice president of the United States and confesses that he can’t ever escape from the sins he has committed in his thirst for power.

• Abby (Darby Stanchfield): Lost the love of her life in David Rosen, Abby’s ending was the most open-ended, though it’s likely she wound up remaining at work for Quinn Perkins and Associates.

• Quinn (Katie Lowes): Got her happy ending: Married Charlie and is happy with their child — and running Quinn Perkins and Associates.

• Huck (Guillermo Diaz): Remains by Abby’s side as she grieves for David.

• Jake (Scott Foley): Takes the fall for B613 and spends the rest of his life in jail. That winds up letting all the Gladiators off the hook for everything that they’ve done.

• Rowan (Joe Morton): His testimony helps set all the Gladiators free — and bring down Jake and all of B613.  

• David (Josh Malina): Pays the price for Cyrus’ lust for power and is killed by the vice president.

• Charlie (George Newbern): Is released from jail and works for his wife at Quinn Perkins and Associates. Olivia apologizes to him for making him step out of the sun. Jake admits that he got something out of the whole thing — he loved Olivia. Jake becomes the only person who pays for everyone’s sins.  

• Marcus (Cornelius Smith Jr.): The latest Gladiator likely winds up in the White House — as the first husband to president Mellie Grant. What’s more, he’s going to explore his own political future, with Fitz backing him.

Scandal, which helped cement Rhimes as a mega-producer and brand of her own, marked the close of prolific showrunner’s chapter on broadcast as every series she creates going forward will be for Netflix, where she signed a nine-figure overall deal.

In terms of Scandal‘s future, Rhimes — who once seriously considered doing a B613 spinoff — confirmed that the end of the series is indeed the end of the franchise and there are no offshoots planned: “Scandal is done.” While it would be easy to revisit the world of corruption and Gladiators on ABC’s Rhimes-produced drama How to Get Away With Murder after both series crossed over earlier this season, there are no current plans for that, either, though she stressed that the decision ultimately lies with showrunner Pete Nowalk. 

What did you think of the Scandal series finale? Sound off in the comments section, below.  Stay tuned to THR.com/Scandal for full coverage of the series finale, including interviews with the cast. In the meantime, be sure to read our feature with Rhimes on the legacy she and Scandal leave behind and our guest column with Bellamy Young about what she learned from her time working in Shondaland. And if you’re feeling nostalgic, check out our Scandal oral history. To keep up with what each of the Gladiators are doing next, click here.

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Secrets | 8

Summary: Peter Parker is your kind, loving boyfriend of 2 years, who also just happens to be the web slinger, Spider-Man. And even though you support what he’s doing, you can’t seem to escape the thought that Peter is getting lost in this new superhero world.

Word Count: 1151

Warnings: Language

A/N: (Written in reader’s POV; italics indicate inner monologue/thoughts.) Apologies in advance for all the feels you may endure during this part :// only 2 chapters left!! [tags are now closed for this fic]

Secrets | 7

“I’m scared to love you, Peter.” Your words hung heavy in the silence as you lay there, tangled up together. Peter’s lying down on his side, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close to his chest. You haven’t been able to stop crying, and you know he hasn’t either. He’d rather hold and comfort you than face this head on. So, you had to push him. You wiped your tears away and gently shoved Peter away, who sat up with you. He reaches for your hand, but you pull away, and you see him wince as he lets his hand fall on the bed.

“I’m scared, Peter.”

“Scared of what, Y/N? What’s happened that’s made you scared to love me? Have I done something?” You hear the pain in his voice, and you can’t make yourself meet his eyes; you already know they’ll be searching your own for some kind of answer. But, you had none.

“I-I’m scared to lose you, Pete. I’m scared if I love you, it’ll all go to shit, and I’ll end up losing you. I can’t risk that - I won’t risk that. I cannot lose you, Peter.” You choke out the last words, letting out a sob as you feel your heart racing in your chest. Peter moves towards you, and you want to push him away, but you know you can’t. It’ll hurt either way.

He pulls you into his arms again, cradling your head as you begin to cry again, clutching his shirt as he rubs your back and thighs. You sit like that for what feels like hours, until you feel Peter shifting around. You look up, watching as he mouths something to himself. He rolls his eyes, and looks down, meeting your eyes. His are red and puffy, just like yours. He gives you a small smile before leaning down, kissing your forehead.

“I-I know...that you’re scared, baby, but there’s no reason to be. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not Spider-Man anymore. No one’s gonna come for me. There’s no threat, my love.” He presses kisses all over your face, as you just sit there and whimper. You push yourself up, pressing a line of kisses along his jaw.

“I d-don’t know if this will ever go away, Peter.”

“I swear to you, Y/N, I will never leave you. I will always be here.”

July -

Things had been moving along smoothly since your heart-to-heart with Peter. You spoke to Flash the following week, making sure he understood that you were nothing more than friends. He accepted it, albeit reluctantly, and then enlisted your help in winning over your friend, Betty. You agreed, knowing it would ease Peter’s feelings towards him.

Peter’s internship with Stark was going very well, too. He was learning more about physics and chemistry than he ever had in his honors classes at Midtown, and he was so grateful he was learning it from one of the best. He always texted you about the latest experiment he had worked on at the lab, or when he’d meet a new member of the Avengers - the latest being Dr. Banner, who was going to be supervising the lab Peter was working in.

“He’s the Hulk, Y/N! The freaking Hulk! He amazes me, just as much as Mr. Stark. He’s a genius.” Peter fangirling over the scientist always brought a smile to your face; it reminded you of how passionate Peter was about everything science.

“I know, baby, I know who he is! Anything else happen today? Or were you too busy making heart eyes at Dr. Banner?” You made a kissy face at Peter, who giggled before playfully rolling his eyes.

“Well, yeah, actually, something did come up.” The pause was all it took for your anxiety to take over.

“Wh-what came up, Pete?” Your back was to him, so you didn’t have to worry about hiding your tears as they threatened to fall.

“It’s Mr. Stark. There’s a mission in Canada...and they need Spidey. Now, I know what we said about the whole Spider-Man thing, but the mission is only supposed to take a few days! Mr. Stark said that if you have any concerns or questions, that he can answer them for you, in person.” You whip your head around, meeting Peter’s sad gaze as he shrugs his shoulders.

“In person?”

“He needs me, love. I don’t want to disappoint him. Please, just hear him out. Aunt May’s okay with it,”

“Because she thinks it's for the internship, Peter! She doesn’t know any of the risks,”

“Baby, please! Just hear him out, okay? Nothing is going to happen.”

How can he be so sure?

Aunt May dropped you both off at Stark Tower - she had already said her good-byes, so she waited in the car as you both made your way up to the main floor of the tower. When the elevator's doors opened, you had to take a step back. Everything was so...modern. So futuristic. Peter led the way down the hall to the main conference room hall. As you stepped inside, you were taken aback by the mass amount of people walking around. You spotted Captain America, Black Widow, Dr. Banner, and Mr. Stark himself. You immediately moved behind Peter, feeling so small compared to everyone else in the room. Peter turned around, frowning as he watched you look around.

“You okay, love?”

“Y-yeah, what? I’m good...just perplexed, is all.”

“Aha, there’s my favorite couple! C’mere, you two.” Tony Stark, in all his billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist glory, had made his way over to where you and Peter stood. He pulled Peter into a tight embrace, and you watched as he blushed. You giggled, meeting Tony’s gaze as he winked at you.

“So, this is the fine lady that whisked you away from me? Tony Stark,” He extended his hand, and you shook it, smiling at him as you felt heat creeping up your face.

“Hi, nice to meet you, Mr. Stark!” Your voice came out higher than you had anticipated, and all you wanted to do was bury yourself in Peter’s chest. Peter came to your side, wrapping an arm around your waist as he looked you up and down.

“This is her, Mr. Stark. She’s a little nervous, but I told her there’s nothing to worry about.” You rolled your eyes at Peter, and Tony just laughed as he closed the distance between you. Reaching up and grasping Peter’s shoulder, he peered at you over his glasses.

“I know how you’re feeling - I’m always scared when I let this one loose,” He gestures to Peter, who turns bright pink as he averts his gaze, “But you needn’t worry, darling. I’ll make sure your spiderling boyfriend makes it back in one piece. A couple dozen scratches maybe, but still, one whole piece. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Secrets | 9

Tags: @cringefeelings, @multifandomluv7, @prancing-through-the-rain, @retroasgardian, @roamingharlem,  @foodftboys, @bladebarnes, @llamaandi, @thesaraaaaahpfan, @avengershavethetardis, @buenostardissherlock, @xtrangerstan, @stardustnwit, @imsecretlyromanburki, @jurassicbarnes, @storyofavengers

Secrets | 4

Summary: Peter Parker is your kind, loving boyfriend of 2 years, who also just happens to be the web slinger, Spider-Man. And even though you support what he’s doing, you can’t seem to escape the thought that Peter is getting lost in this new superhero world.

Word Count: 1109

Warnings: Language

A/N: This (and maybe the next part?) is in Peter’s POV - italics indicate Peter’s inner monologue/thoughts! Date/time stamps refer to flashbacks, as always :) Please let me know what y’all think, as always!! :)

Secrets | 3

Days passed by so slowly, it was as if the world had stopped moving. Y/N had ended things with Peter only 2 weeks ago, and yet it felt like months. He had tried to turn to Ned, but realized that what Y/N had thrown in his face was true - he had lost his best friends by losing himself in Spider-Man.

6 Months Later -

“Hey kid. How’re things looking down there?” Tony Stark’s voice came in through the earpiece implanted in Peter’s suit. He scanned the surrounding area, giving Steve and Clint the okay to enter the building. “Fine, Mr. Stark. I’ve just given the okay.”

“Perfect. You can head back to the jet; your work is done here. Nice job, Parker. As always.”

“Thanks, Mr. Stark.” Peter felt his heart fall as he heard the usual praise from Tony. Months ago, it would’ve gone straight to Peter’s head, reminding him to continue impressing him. Now, all Peter could focus on was the dread in the pit of his stomach.

At the end of every mission, Peter had the same gut-wrenching feeling of dread pool in his stomach. He despised going home; not because he hated Aunt May - how could he ever? No. Peter despised going home because it reminded him that Y/N wasn’t going to be there, lightly snoring after falling asleep, waiting for his return. It killed him every time that he had chosen Tony, Spider-Man, and the Avengers over her, and he regretted it every time he left for a mission. He regretted it every time he saw Y/N in the halls of Midtown, flashing her mesmerizing smile at Flash Thompson. Yes, Flash had won Y/N over in these last few months, even though Peter had learned that Y/N wasn’t comfortable calling Flash anything other than a friend. He’d catch them together in the halls, Flash trying to wrap his arm around her the way Peter used to, only to have Y/N slyly escape his touch. Yet other times, he’d see them right when Flash would kiss Y/N on her cheek, her facing turning scarlet red before turning away.

It killed him to see her with Flash, flirting and smiling the same way she had when she was with Peter. She could’ve still been with him, if someone had just listened to her. God, why am I such an idiot? I gave up the love of my life for this? The love of my life. Peter had never called Y/N that in the entirety of their 2 years together. Not because I didn’t love her, because believe me, I do, so fucking much. I was just so scared. Scared to admit that she was the one, the only one for him. If he admitted that to her, and himself, there was no way he could live with himself if something happened to Y/N. He had already learned from what happened with Uncle Ben. There is no way I would ever risk losing the best thing that ever happened to me forever. Never.

1 Year Ago -

“Pete, you gotta understand where I’m coming from here! You know I support you when it comes to all this Avenger stuff, but you also know how I feel. You’re not always going to be Spider-Man.”

“Y/N, how can you say that to me?! Being Spider-Man...working with Mr. Stark and the Avengers...all of this, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! I can’t just hang up the suit, lose everything I’ve worked for, all for college. I can’t...I won’t do that.”

It was like Peter had been hit by a bus. How could I have been so blind?

As the jet headed back to Stark Tower, Peter joined Steve, Vision, and Tony on the upper deck. He stood beside Tony, glancing between him and the vast ocean in front of them.

“Something on your mind, kid?” Tony noticed how Peter was fidgeting with the mask in his hands, still not having changed out of his suit. Tony could also tell how he seemed conflicted, like he was debating something with himself. He sighed when Peter gave no reply, lost in thought. He placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder, pulling him out of his trance. “How about we go over there, and get comfortable, hm?” Peter only nodded, followed Tony as they headed into the conference room.

After sitting down, Peter watched Tony sit on the front of the table, angling himself so he could face Peter.

“Ready to talk now?”

“Ye-yes, Mr. Stark.”

“Does this have anything to do with what’s been happening lately?”

“Wh-wh-what do you mean, Mr. Stark?”

“Well, I assume something’s happened somewhat recently, since you’ve started hanging around the tower more. You also seem a heck of alot more reluctant to go home to May, but there’s no way Aunt Hottie did something to upset you, because you care about her too much. So, my Sherlockian deductions have led me to believe, something happened between you and that genius girlfriend of yours?”

Peter sniffled, remembering the dread and sadness knotted up in the pit of his stomach, and Tony knew he’d struck the right nerve.

“Peter, you know you can talk to me. What’s up?”

“I-I think I made a mistake, Mr. Stark.”

“A mistake?”

“I never should’ve chosen being Spider-Man over her, Mr. Stark. It’s killing me.”

“Then what’re you waiting for, kid? Go get her back.”

“I can’t! Sh-she won’t take me back. She was mad that I’d become obsesed with all this - the Avengers, Spider-Man, you, everything - and forgotten about my priorities. If I go back to her, I-I have to leave all of this behind.”

“I don’t see the problem, Parker.”

“Wh-what? I can’t just abandon this mantle you’ve given me, Mr. Stark! This is an honor only a crazy person would pass on and I ju-”

“Kid, listen to me. If you leave, all that’s gonna happen is the following: I’ll get the suit cleaned, and hang up for the next time you come around. No one else is Spider-Man, but you, Peter. The suit’s not leaving. I’m not leaving - unless it’s a mission, of course, but you get what I mean. You’re Spider-Man, but you’re also Peter Parker. Don’t forget that. It’s the most important part; reminds you of where you’ve been, where you’re going. And who’s going to be there with you, every step of the way. And obviously, sounds like you need Miss Y/N to be with you before you can go on. So, change, and go get your girl, Spidey.”

That’s exactly what Peter was going to do.

Secrets | 5

Tags: (as always, let me know if you’d like to be added/removed!!)

@cringefeelings, @multifandomluv7, @prancing-through-the-rain, @retroasgardian​, @roamingharlem​