#also dont tell anyone but thats kind of what it felt like when i went to the devy event where ohm was singing djfhgjkff
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“he’s the best”
#vice versa#jimmysea#ohmnanon#talaypuen#vice versa ep1#thai bl#bl drama#gmmtv#Sea Tawinan#Jimmy Jitaraphol#ohm pawat#nanon korapat#JKGFHJDSGFDS#the way i laughed so hard at this dsjkhfdfg#also dont tell anyone but thats kind of what it felt like when i went to the devy event where ohm was singing djfhgjkff#i was like sweetie#maybe stick to acting#lmao#it was cute though#if it werent for the singing#but anyway i didnt say anything
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Can we have Andrew and Reader have a life after the events of the game (In the Bulletless Decay route)?
Reader would be an exchange student who would have gone to stay with the Graves family, but in the end she ended up being another 'victim' of the game's circumstances.
She would be a type of person who was indifferent to almost everything, cold-blooded, with somewhat sociopathic tendencies but with a kind heart.
Okay, let's do this, after Ashley's murder, Andrew and Reader finally got fake teeth and moved somewhere far away, but with all the recent traumas and along with the fear of being abandoned.
Andrew started to have possessive tendencies, a little clingy, toxic, manipulative towards our 'poor thing' Reader and that would result in them having children in the future, to keep her trapped in the coffin with him.
ANDREW GRAVES X F!READER
(a/n: okay so i think i understand what u mean, sorry if its not what you expected, im a little(very) rusty rn at writing) NOT PROOF READ!
okay so first of all, Ashley never liked you, and thats part of the reason Andrew liked you sm
like, yea, he always does whatever his sister wants him to, and he hated himself for falling for you
but there was just something about how you were so indifferent under almost any circumstances (oh how he enjoyed seeing you crack under the pressure when you ate the cultist!)
your cold blooded outer shell was something intriguing to him
he wanted to study you
he wanted to get to know you.
did he care about you from the begining? ha, no.
of course he didnt
his sister hated you, so he hated you too
she was afraid you'd steal him from her so he didnt give you the chance
a couple of days into the quarantine is when he'll finally give in and start talking to you
and low and behold, he loved you from the first interaction
you were just so interesting!
he, of course, felt guilty for going against his sisters wishes, but he still would spend mre and more time just talking to you
after killing ashley i think he would just be in denial
for a really (REALLY) long time he would just wait for her to come back, even tough he knows shes not going to
after somehow getting away and finding a permanent place to stay, you two got in a relationship
both of you had abandonment issues you should treat, but neither of you felt it was necesary
from the start he didnt let you talk to anyone else but him
at first it was something you despited about him, feeling it was too clingy. you needed space, you needed privacy
but at one point those needs started fading away
he would tell you "you dont need anyone else but me. im the only one who is capable of understanding what you went trough! and you're the only one who can understand what I went trough. but its alright! dont worry about me! just worry about yourself and what you want. its not like you care about me anyway."
so you belived him
you didnt need anyone else but him
you told him you didnt want kids
thats one of the many topics you talked about when you met
you didnt feel they fufiled any particular need of yours and you didnt want to have them if you were just going to regret them after
he managed to change your mind
after having your 2nd child with him, you were so far gone that you remained just and empty shell of the person you used to be
the lines between you two started bleeding into eachother and so he absorbed your presence
you were no longer yourself
you were just who he wanted you to be all along
he still loved you of course
also i feel like he would get a lot of his manipulation skills from his sister
or whatever is the feeling he gets thats closest to love
he just needed you to stay
and whenever it seemed like you were ready to fly away, he would cut your wings
________________________________________
final a/n
i know its bad dude, im sorry 😭
if you were to ask me right now what i just wrote i couldnt tell you (like im fr rn)
if you want me to try to re-do it just ask (if u didnt like this one that is)
so uh
thx for asking
and sorry its bad lmao
here are the other fandoms i write for!
have a nice rest of ur day/night!
#andrew graves#andrew graves x reader#x reader#fanfiction#the coffin of andy and leyley#tcoaal#fanfic
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hii i saw ur crush/best friend headcanons for lo’ak and i loved them sm. i was wondering if u could do hcs where lo’ak and reader both like each other and the reader gets jealous over tsireya? what would lo’ak do if he found out?
“I see you”
Lo’ak x fem!omatikaya!reader imagine (fluff)
Please read!!! I only posted my first avatar imagine yesterday, and am now at 100 followers!! I want to thank you all so much, I am more than grateful!! Hope you enjoy :)
Sorry this ones kinda crap
I see you- “I see the love and your feelings and your soul and you mean everything to me.”
You and Lo’ak have always had a special connection, and everyone is aware of it. You also clearly like eachother, but both of you doubt that the others feel the same. When you joined them on their travel to the water na’vis, you were quite nervous with what to expect.
“What if they find us?” You ask warily.
“Well then I will protect you.” Lo’ak states.
You smile at his braveness, even though you and him both know that deep down he is just as scared. But Lo’ak loves when he gets a chance to act brave and fearless like his dad.
When you all arrived at the reefs, you were still kind of cautious, and Lo’ak saw this, so pulled you between him and Neteyam. You kept your head down, avoiding the eyes of the Metkayina. You looked away as Jake spoke to Tonowari and Ronal, and glanced at the water around you.
Thats when you spotted a girl emerging from the water. She seemed about your age, and was beautiful. Way prettier than you, you thought. You noticed how Neteyam and Lo’aks heads turned in the same direction, and seemed to linger on the same girl. Neteyam you didnt really care about looking, but you felt insecure as Lo’aks eyebrows ever so slightly raised as his eyes followed the girl, and she looked at him, too. You know you shouldnt feel this way, but you cant help it. For all you know, Lo’ak doesnt have any interest in you, not like you with him.
When she was introduced as Tonowari and Ronal’s daughter, it made you feel even worse about yourself. You weren’t anyone special back in the jungle, just a normal omatikaya na’vi. With Lo’ak being Jake’s son, you felt worried that they would have stronger connections than you and him.
You were taken away from your thoughts by a tug on your arm, and snapped out of it to focus on Lo’ak infront of you.
“Y/n, come on, they are showing us our home. Are you okay?” He says, a hint of concern in his tone.
“Yeah yeah I’m fine, come on” you reply, going ahead with your hand still in his. Lo’ak wasnt fully convinced, but decided to drop it.
Once you had settled in to your home, you were all called to the water, to learn the ways of the Metkayina. You stayed beside Lo’ak, as you were lead to the rocks by the water, by Tsireya and her two brothers. You all sat in a circle, you securely sat between Neteyam and Lo’ak.
“You must learn to slow your breathing to be able to survive under the water.”
She knelt infront of Lo’ak, and placed her hand on his lower abdomen.
“Breathe from here” she instructs
You know it is just their way of teaching, but you felt a wave of jealousy come over you. You werent the type to cause a scene, so you stayed sat down, quietly.
Once you all were able to slow your heart rate enough, you were lead to the water. Lo’ak had a sense of urgency about him as he went ahead with Tsireya, clearly going way too fast for him to handle so soon, and this made you feel deflated. You had only been there a matter of hours and already felt like Lo’ak had found someone over you. You didnt like feeling this way at all, and needed to get away from it. Neteyam, who was swimming beside you, noticed this, but before he was able to check, you spoke up.
“I dont feel all that well, I’m gonna go back.” You say, which is clearly a lie.
Neteyam could tell this, and with a quick glance to Lo’ak and the others ahead, he knew why you felt that way. But he knew you were reserved, and wouldnt tell him the truth, so didn’t want to push it.
“Do you want me to come with you?” He asks softly.
“No no its okay, you go on. Just tell the others I’ll join them another day.” You insist, and turn to swim back to shore before Neteyam could muster another word.
You were now sat down on the edge of your home dangling your feet in the water, splashing the surface with small glum kicks. Neytiri and Jake were with the girls exploring their new home and meeting the clan, so you were on your own.
That was until you heard footsteps.
“Y/n” you hear Lo’ak say as he spots you.
He sits down beside you, placing his feet in the water like you were, and shuffles up close.
“How come you didnt come with us into the sea? It was amazing!” Lo’ak says
“I uh, I didnt feel right,” you said with your head down towards the water “Just wanted to be on my own”
“Are you okay? You have seemed quiet.” He says, gently placing his hand on yours, “Have I done something?”
You look him in the eyes, his filled with concern, yours with longing.
“No, no, its just, its nothing.” You say, returning your focus to the water.
“I know its not nothing y/n, your eyes tell me different.” Lo’ak replies sincerely.
“I guess Im just worried,” you begin.
“About what?” Lo’ak ponders, scooting even closer to you.
“That you’ll forget about me.”
“Wait- what? Why do you think that?” Lo’ak questions, worry filling him.
“Lo’ak, Ive seen the way you look at Tsireya, I mean, I get it, she’s beautiful, shes talented, shes smart, shes-”
“Y/n, stop.” Lo’ak says
You stop.
“Do you think I like Tsireya?” He asks, looking you deep into your eyes as you look up towards him.
“Well its kind of obvious” you painfully chuckle.
“Y/n, I dont like Tsireya.”
You look at him confused, and he shakes his head with a laugh, looking down at his lap for a second.
“Y/n, its always been you.” Lo’ak states. You are taken by surprise, and Lo’ak notices this. He grabs both your hands, and hold you close.
“Y/n, I see you.”
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okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.
so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.
i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.
i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".
i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.
which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.
and ALSO.
you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?
i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.
im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?
my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!
anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.
#adhd stuff#undiagnosed adhd#living with adhd#neurodivergence#neurodivergent#add#its called add not adhd#you dumbasses#scientists are stupid sometimes#make that all the time
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GUILTY FOR LIKING YOU ➡︎ [PART ONE]
AUTHORS NOTE¡ hi friendss ! , this is my second post so, this one might be just a bit better than the last ofc. also, thank you so much for 10 likes on my last post ! love you all, mwuah!
Genre; Fem reader x Spencer Reid angst (age gap¡ Spencer is in his early 20s , reader is in her mid 30s)
summary; you love spencer — but does he love you¿
——————-——————————————————
you had been working at bureau for almost two decades. everyone knew and loved you. it was hard for you to make friends when you were younger but, being in this job where you had to talk to people nearly everyday, and risk your life, made it somewhat easy.
You’re closest friend? Spencer Reid. You always thought he was the cute, sweet, shy kind of guy. it was what you first noticed about that sweet boy. It was something that you loved about him.
There He was. That sweet lucious brown hair, and those beautiful hazel eyes. “Hiya, Spencer!” You Said happily, Walking to get a cup of coffee. “Hi, Y/n” Spencer replied, waving back with a smile on his face. “Did you sleep well last night? I know after yesterday’s case it kind of had a toll on you.” You said. “Yes, im okay” He replied back. “Oh well, Thats good!” You exclaimed while walking back to your desk.
“Y/N , Y/N , Y/N , WHERE ARE YOUUU ???” You noticed that yell of excitement. Your favorite person of the whole entire world. Penelope Garcia. “Hiya Penelope, Im hereee !” You giggled waving at your favorite person who, surprisingly is pretty good at running in heels. “JJ just had her son, Henry. and omggg !!! , hes so adorable.!” Penelope yelled in excitement “WAIT OMG, I FREAKING MISSED IT?!” you screamed in excitement aswell.
“Ladies Keep it down in here.” There he was. Mr. Derek Morgan. He was a fine sexy man but, never really had a thing for him. “Whatever Morgan” You and penelope say in unison. “Hey Pretty boy.” Morgan Said Walking with spencer to go see what you guys were so excited about. “Hi Morgan” Spencer Replied. “So, You and Miss Pretty lady over there? You guys are thing yet?” Morgan Asked Reid.
“O-oh, I dont know, im not sure im ready for that.” Spencer Spoke. “Pretty boy really??, She likes you. like alot.” Morgan exclaimed. “I know but, im not sure im ready for that yet. atleast not now.” Spencer Told Morgan.
“Hi Friends, Whatcha talkin about over there?” You spoke in your Strong spanish accent. “Oh nothing, just talking with Pretty Boy here. Right Reid?” Morgan Looked at him. “Y-yeah.” Spencer spoke. “Oh alright well, I have paperwork to do. Sooo..I’ll see you guys later.” You spoke while you walked back to your desk.
“Well, We’ll get going, we have paperwork to do too.” Derek Spoke as he patted spencer’s back and went to his desk. “L/N I need you in my office.” Spoke Hotch leaning against his door frame. “Alright, Im coming.” You excused yourself.
“What do you need Hotch? If its about the paperwork, i swear im working on it right now-“ You were speaking so fast because you were nervous. “No, No its not that. You already have enough on your back.” He cut you off. “Oh then, what is it?” You questioned. “Are you okay? You’ve been looking sad and stressed.” Hotch asked.
Ofcourse You felt sad and stressed but, you didnt think anyone could tell. In your opinion you thought you hid your feelings well. “No, Im okay Hotch. I promise.” “Alright well, i was just making sure.” He said. “Well, thank you. may i go now? i have paperwork to finish.” “Yeah.”
Jesus. You didnt know why you felt sad. maybe it was work, or maybe just maybe it was what spencer had said earlier? About how he wasnt ready for a relationship yet. I mean, He treated you like he loved you, or that he wanted more than just what you had. A relationship. You knew that wasnt going to happen though. Not after what he had told Morgan atleast.
There you were again. infront of your computer and desk. Filling out papers that needed to be turned into Hotch before you left. “This is going to take forever” You thought. So you got straight to work.
You looked at the clock. It was 12:32 Am. You had been here for what felt like days. Everyone was gone so, It was time to go home. “Jesus, Never done so much paperwork in my life.” You sighed, already packing your things and putting your papers on Hotch’s Desk for the morning.
You walked back to your desk, grabbed your bag and headed out.
Finally, you were at home. “There he is!! Hey sweet boy” You hugged your cat, Leon. “I missed you like crazy buddy” You said while picking him up to move to the couch. You sigh and feel your phone vibrating. It was penelope.
“Hiya penelope, Whatcha doing calling at this hour?” You asked her. “Just wanted to check up on you. you looked kinda sad before i left for work today. are you okay?” She asked. “Honestly? No, not really.” “Oh no, why not cupcake?” She questioned.
“Penelope, I dont think spencer likes me anymore. I heard him and morgan talking earlier.” You replied. “Oh sweetcakes, ofcourse he likes you! he talks about you all the time. He never knows how shut his face when it comes to you.” She told you. “Yeah well, He told Morgan that He wasnt ready for a relationship. I feel like im Just sitting here looking dumb and vulnerable.” You told her. You want spencer to like you. but, sometimes we dont always get what we want.
“I really want him to like me. I dont know pen, i really like him. like really, i do.” “I know cupcake, and i promise you, he does like you. hes just not ready yet.” She explained. “Yeah, I guess.” “I think im gonna head to bed pen, i’lk see you tomorrow okay? Love ya” You spoke to her. “Alright sweetheart, Sleep well, See you tomorrow, I love you!” She said before hanging up.
You sigh and put your phone on the table. “Well, Looks like its time for bed Leon. Come on” You groaned before picking him up.
You were finally laying bed, sleepy and tired with Leon cuddle next to you. “I dont know what im gonna do leon, i want him to like me. I just dont know if he does, and thats maybe on me. You know?” You spike to your cat. He meows.
You pat him on the head. “Come on, Its time to sleep.” You turned off your side table lamp, and drifted off to bed.
Your alarm went off. The time was 8:30 AM. Hotch let you sleep in today since you had texted him late last night about how you had just gotten off work. He understood how important but, also how tiring this job could be. Hell, He was your boss, so you would imagine his job is alot harder.
Your phone vibrates. Its a Text from JJ. “Hey Y/N where are you? You arent here yet.” “Hotch Let me sleep in today so, I’ll be in a little later around 9:30” “Alright stay safe Y/N, I love you” “I love you too JJ.”
you loved your friends. they were your only family. sure, you had only known them for a couple years but, that didnt mean a thing to you. You’d do anything for them. Anything.
“Well, its time to get ready” You told yourself. Sometimes it was hard for you to get ready in silence, but you liked it. It made you feel calm.
You were finally in the car. You were running a little late but thats okay. You always took the freeway so, it didnt really matter.
“Hey, Has anyone seen Y/N?” Spencer asked. “Oh, yeah, Where is she?” Morgan Asked after. “She’ll be here soon, Hotch let her sleep in today.” Spoke JJ. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” Spoke Emily.
You finally found yourself a parking spot. “Jesus, theres barely any parking spots” You spoke to yourself.
You eventually get into the bureau and set your stuff down on your desk. “Hi Y/N! How are you feeling?” It was penelope. she always checked up on you no matter what. “I’ve felt better, thanks pen.” You smiled at her as you walked to get coffee.
“Hey Pretty Lady, How are ya?” Asked Emily and JJ. “Im good Ladies Thanks.” You spoke as you leaned against the counter. “Theres the pretty lady!” Exclaimed Morgan walking over to hug you.
“Hi Morgan” You chuckled as you gave into the hug. “So, How are you and Pretty boy over there?” You turned to wear Derek was pointing. There he was. Spencer Reid, filling out his paperwork and talking to another Girl.
TO BE CONTINUED….
#artists on tumblr#criminal minds#angst#spencer reid#writers on tumblr#english as a second language#spanish#first time writer#music#part 1
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okookookkokoko WHERE DO I EVEN START. I LOVE THIS GAME SM SMH BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME EXPLAINING STUFF SO TAKE THIS SHORT PASSAGE. (Most of this will be an unorganized ramble btw)
(SPOILER WARNING FOR MOST ARCS)
I played T2A2G and OC before this so um. Guess which route I did lmao. SPEAKING OF ROUTES, GENZOU GENZOU GEZNOU GEZNOU GEZNOU OMG GENZOU. I RELATE TO THIS MAN IN WAYS I DID NOT KNOW I COULD RELATE TO A CHARACTER. LIKE WTH?? HE HAS SUCH A TRANSPARENT CLOSET LOL. And also speaking of Genzou I do have a few questions related to him
-Is Genzou fully blind? I don't think he is bc of his cane but I heard it's different in some countries so idk
-We learn Genzou is (supposedly) taking antidepressants in Arc 2. Is he clinically depressed? (According to the Visual Noval Database he is anyways but idk)
-HOW TF DOES HE DEAL WITH BEING CANNIBALIZED TWICE LIKE DAMN..I WOULD HAVE A BREAKDOWN NO MATTER WHO I'M WITH??
-Did Genzou's friends ever like assume that he was gay?? Or like did he tell anyone?? Or did he try his best to hide it lmao
-Did anyone think/know that Gen had a crush on Iggy??
-GENZOU WITHOUT HIS HAT <333
I love Genzou sm if you couldn't tell already /p
ARC 3 CONFUSED ME SM LOL. I thought that I had accidently switched routes (even though I hadn't even made my LI choice, I ofc didn't know this atm though) from Genzou to Orlam and I was fr so confused like waht. Also like I feel so bad for Orlam wth </3.
HUMAN JERRY.
OO ALSO SOME MORE THINGS
-During some parts (mostly during arcs 3/4) I HAD TO PLAY A RELAXING PLAYLISTS BECASE I FELT OVERWHELMED/ANXIOUS/IDEK?? AND AT SOME POINT I JS GAVE UP AND STATED PLAYING HYPERCORE LMAO
-I LOV ELOVE LOVE THE WAY THAT THE NEUTRAL ENDING COLLIDES(???) WITH OC LIEK WHATWHDWATDHFWHWFTHAFG. IDK BUT FOR ME IT MAKES ME FEEL LIEK IT'S THE MORE "CANON" ENDING EVEN THOUGH THERE IS (probably) NO CANON ENDING.
-I IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE GALLERY LIEK OMG??
-Some of my favorite liens in the game were the homicidal gardener lines (both referring to Iggs and Gen), when Gen was arguing with Jerry, When Genzou was telling iggs during the Arc 5 Kiddie Cruise scene that it shoudn't be a choice like I WAS GONNA CHOOSE DONT JUMP JS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS LOL
-I also relate a lot to Iggy in some forms
-GIDGET.
-I took a total of 260 screenshots of this game (as of now heheh)
UM YH THATS ALL SORRY IF IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND OR TOO ENERGETIC BUT I TRULY LOVE THIS GAME SM. Ima go replay OC again byes <3 :3 BEST REGARDS ILYSM /p
KDFJLADFA this message is so chaotic, i love it
first off, i'm really happy you like the game (and genzou) weep. thank you so much for all the kind words 😭💕 i'm also always super intrigued to see where/how ppl came into the game, so hearing you played T2A2G and OC first is very interesting to me lakdjfkdjfa
regarding your questions:
yes he is; i do think he sees a bit of light/shadow (which is different to an answer i gave some time ago, but i've been thinking about it since) but that's about it; it's a result of traumatic optic neuropathy
yes he is; he's been on meds and seeing a therapist for a while
i cannot answer this question LOL 🤣 i also don't know. i guess the only answer is that he has no choice
mmm... he never outright told anyone in the friend group. tbh he doesn't outright tell many people, mostly as he's just a bit of a private person in that regard and keeps to himself outside of attempting dating apps every now and then. i would not say he actively attempted to hide it though aside from around iggy. as for other people assuming i think it was something many of them did kinda realize but never said anything also
similar here, i think some of them kinda knew. i think gidget knew, even if they kinda ignored it, because it prompted their jealousy on a few occasions. i think orlam had a bit of a guess but it wasn't really confirmed until later
LDKAJFSLDKFA THAT'S NOT A QUESTION
LOL about the routes. indeed, if you don't realize that actually all the "routes" are mandatory parts of the story until the finale then it can be confusing if you thought you were going for a specific char early on or something 🤣 it's not like the games where you can pick your route and then the rest of the game is that route
hahaha yeah i wouldn't say there's a "canon" ending. for one, i feel like that would kinda defeat the point of having different possibilities to begin with. why make other choices if there's only ever one canon ending? i want people to be able to choose however they want the story to end. i mostly connected the neutral ending to OC as a sort of self-indulgent gift to myself, because i thought it would be very sweet if iggy would still have a chance to find companionship with one of his friends later on even if he chose to focus on himself first. like that it just keeps it open. i also just thought it'd be a fun easter egg to give ppl more incentive to at least try the neutral route as i figure most ppl would not choose that route as it's kinda short compared to the others and doesn't give as much closure to the other chars
260 SCREENSHOTS LDKJFASDLFA
sob thank you for this lovely message!! it was really fun answering your questions hahaha and i'm really glad you liked the game so much!! it means a lot!! 💕
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HIII!! :D 💞
I was wondering if I could request a Sanemi x Fem! Reader who has bad anxiety and Sanemi comforts her when she has a panic attack?
Sanemi who comforts is the BEST 💕💍
I’m not sure if you want it to be specific or not because if you do it whatever way you want I will love it either way! I HONESTLY DONT CARE IF ITS MODERN AU OR NOT I LOVE SANEMI SO MUCH EEEEEEEEEE 😭💕💕💕💕
If you need an idea here is one!
The reader has bad anxiety and constantly is worrying. She doesn’t want to place the burden on Sanemi for him to worry about but he can tell something is wrong. So one day he comes home and finds her having a panic attack and he comforts her and Swaddles her in a bunch of blankets, placing soft kissed on her face and shushing her worry’s away. BASICALLY JUST ANY COMFORTING AAAAA
To make it juicy maybe he comes home mad and THATS the reason she gets the panic attack!! And he realizes he made her panic.
For a modern au situation maybe they are roommates for collage and they have an apartment together so he helps with her anxiety then. 🙀 
Literally just any comfort where Sanemi helps the reader who has anxiety 😭
THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS! 💞 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT AND MAKE SURE TO STAY HYDRATED AND DONT OVER WORK YOURSELF!!!!
Don’t feel rushed at all and if you don’t want to that’s okay! I just wanted to take my chance and hope that you will do it!
BYE BYEE 💕💕
In his arms
Pairing: Sanemi x reader
Category: angst to fluff
Warning(s)/note(s): fem! Reader, panic attacks, lmk if i missed anything
A/n: HIIII! I loved this request sm cause i really needed to write some good ol’ comfort and i’ve been craving Nemi 🥹 i went with the Taisho Era au itself, i hope you don’t mind! And thank you sm for the kind words!! 💕💗💗💗💗 also i’m so sorry this took a while to write, i’ve beeb low on motivation :(
The house was quiet.
Sanemi kicked off his sandals and padded inside. He craned his neck in search of you, looking everywhere. It was normal for you to rush and greet him when he came back from a mission. Your absence weighed on him, and the grip around the hilt of his sword tightened.
Pulse pounding in his ears, he rounded the estate, heading towards the engawa that was built at the back. He felt his blood boil, and his stomach churned. He already envisioned your dead body. He already smelt the blood. Tasted the anguish.
But you weren’t dead. Sanemi nearly cried when he saw you idly swinging your legs over the raised platform. Your head was lowered and you seemed to be playing with the sleeve of a haori. Oh. He felt blood rush to his face when he realized you were wrapped in his haori. With an embarrassed sigh, he advanced towards you to scold you for nearly giving him a heart attack and maybe chide you for taking his clothes, even though his chest was warm with adoration. But the closer he got the more he realized you were trembling. He frowned, crouching down in front of you to have a better look at your face. You jolted slightly when you registered his presence, but you offered a smile that didn’t match your haunted eyes.
“Welcome back! How was your mission?”
He didn’t like how small your voice was. It had a slight tremble to it but you concealed it well.
“What’s wrong?”
You blinked. “Nothing. Why?“
He sighed. “Cut the bullshit. Something happened, you’re not okay.”
You absentmindedly pulled the haori closer around you. “No, no.. everything’s alright. I’m just feeling ti-“
“Don’t lie, c’mon.” He frowned up at you. “Did anyone say shit to you? Who do i need to kill?”
You laughed weakly. “Nobody. I’m simply under the weather, ‘Nemi. Oh, and.. sorry for taking your haori.” You sheepishly began sliding it off your body, but he gripped your shoulders to stop you and instead pulled it back on.
“You’re not hiding anything from me, huh?” He asked nonchalantly.
You grimaced. He could see your facade crumbling. You didn’t like lying to him, he knew.
Your moment of hesitance sealed his conclusion and he let himself slide onto the engawa next to you, his arm wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you closer.
He gingerly bumped his head against yours. His hair tickled your ear. “Talk to me.”
“I’ve just- been sort of anxious. I’m used to it.”
“You aren’t supposed to be used to it. What got you worked up?”
You shrugged. “I can’t tell. It feels like it’s.. everything? I’m worried about you, me..” you wrung your hands. “The anxiety just creeps up on me. And when it does i can’t stop it.”
Sanemi understood, of course he did. His world is filled with demons and death looms at every corner. But in his chase for those monsters, he forgot that you are also affected despite not being a demon slayer. He never realized that you simply knowing what his job is might cause you just as much harm as it causes him. Mentally, if not physically.
“You’re shaking.” He murmured. “How long has this been going on?”
You pursed your lips. “A while.”
A while could mean many things. And Sanemi knew from your hesitance that it meant a long time. The guilt for not noticing suddenly weighed on his chest like an elephant.
“Why have you never talked to me about it?” It was meant to be a rhetorical question and so before you answered, you were nestled on his lap. One hand remained on your back while the other came to rest on your thighs.
“You were busy and.. i didn’t want to bother you with it,”
He liked how distracted your voice was. You kept your eyes on his hand atop your thighs and he knew you were getting flustered. Already, your body was shaking less.
“You’re not a bother. You’re my wife, [Name]. I’d appreciate it if you told me what was bothering you.” He flicked your forehead.
The corners of your lips twitched upwards. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll tell you next time.”
There won’t be a next time, Sanemi thought. But he remained quiet. With you this close to him, he could feel your shaky breaths, labored. Something must have triggered you while he was away. It’d caused you to panic more than usual and the only place you’d find solace in was the engawa where— a ball lodged itself in his throat. Where you’d both kissed for the first time. And you were wearing his haori.
His hold on you only tightened.
He guided your head to lay on his chest, relishing at the feeling of having you in his arms. You were safe. You were safe. He swirled the words in his mind, running a hand through your hair.
“Hey.. i love you.” You spoke. “Thanks for this. All of this.”
It was wrong for you to thank him when he should be thanking you for ever giving him love. But he lifted your chin up nonetheless and pressed his lips to yours. It was a silent promise to take better care of you and an apology for being clueless. He’d let you keep the haori too.
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#nanako’s blues#sanemi shinazugawa#sanemi x reader fluff#sanemi x reader angst#sanemi x y/n#sanemi x you
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Do you have any 00 characters you like, aside from the innovades and the Trinitys?
yes and im sorry i dont really talk about them or draw them (only sometimes) 😭 i posted a tierlist awhile back & i have no idea where it is . so i will just talk about everything here now :) it will probably be VERY long so i am putting it under a read more. also this will be full of spoilers but i guess that makes sense <- saying if anyone stumbles upon it & is still watching
edit its super long 🙏🙏🙏🙏 HOPE YOU ENJOY READING
my absolute favorites besides the innovades (trinities included) are neil and chris! i did draw neil a few more times than anyone else thats not an innovade, and sadly only drew chris once for her bday 😭 IVE REALLY GOT TO DRAW HER MORE shes so cute and fun to draw..
my opinions of neil were very rocky at the start and i didnt like him AND IT WASNT EVEN HIS FAULT 😭 i first played dwg3 before watching anything gundam related at all (and then started by watching 00); i didnt know which lockon stratos was in dwg3 but he was kind of annoying to me </3 and because i couldnt tell them apart i just supposed it was neil and hereby disliked him 😭 well . that one was lyle but i found that out later ... thruout s1 i slowly got to like neil more and more and by s1 finale i was absolutely crushed . my opinions on tieria may also be foreverchanging, but one thing we share for sure is that we hated neil till he died then just didnt anymore </3
chris i liked a lot from the beginning because of how easygoing and nice she was with everyone, and in more ways than one she reminded me of myself 🥺 i also dont really see very often characters that like coding or technical stuff & are extroverted & like fashion so this felt like a win for me.. finally... some representation (real). this all and her whole thing with weekly crushes is so 😭😭 when she first saw johann and got a pic with him IMMEDIATELY and thought he was hot n then got sad that he was evil and fucked up was so me 🙏 so with how much chris meant to me & how they basically replaced her with mileina that i do not like for variety of reasons was my personal 9/11 for this anime
now besides these two i also hold quite literally majority of all characters in high regard. i love patrick a lot for being funniest guy around & kati his not bayonetta badass wife ... i dont usually do shipping but theyre really so cute together i always go 🥺🥺🥺 when they were just happy together. saji and louise too !!!! the whole story with how their relationship changed and evolved was so great and i was hooked. marie is absolutely one of my favorites in terms of backstory & the peak of s2 to me (yes ... despite the innovators because i didnt like a lot of handling of them 😭) — i really didnt care all that much about soma in s1 and then they elevated that so hard in s2. i am not a person that holds family things in high regard due to my own personal bad experiences, but besides her backstory with allelujah, the scenes between her and becoming smirnov's family were always so dear to me whenever we got them 🥺 this was also really just from a little side thing of the extra s2 chibi animation, but that scenario of them all taking a trip to heaven and marie making andrei talk to his parents and them getting all together was so sweet as well i love loved that one ...
despite it all, i also truly believe graham is best boy of the entire 00 series. this guys so peak i dont even know where to begin; the bond between him and his other squadron members was so good. it was a real shame they kind of had to go 😭 his love for the flags was also so real... and this guys VERY good at what hes doing, like my guy could fight off whole gundams with gn drives in some far underdeveloped flags. i know some people didnt like the turn they went for with him in s2 where he became weeb supreme but i thought it was so funny 🙏 MR BUSHIDO LOVE. he also got a super cool custom ms so i gotta give it to him ... all & all as well, this guy then sacrificed himself, died a hero, and was so cool he just came back to life to become a new meister. how can any other guy in this beat THAT ☝️
for the rest of meisters, i am sorry everyone. i did not care about setsuna that much </3 i acknowledge him and his greatness and how much hes helped multiple people here, but whenever they just wanted to mirror setsuna and saji i always ended up being more interested in saji im sorry 😭 ; allelujah is a little guy i just felt sorry for the entire time for literally everything . all the way from the start from the debacle with tieria that was so crazy to the hallelujah struggles to then having to also struggle with soma 😭 this guys just the real struggler. the supreme struggler of all time. i hope he gets some rest he really needs it asap ; lyle i used to not like because of . how he even started off in the scene with feldt </3 AND I LOVE FELDT like get ur hands off her omg ... but he did grow from then and i think hes pretty epic now, him killing off ali was also super satisfying in the end of it all :)
for the rest of ptolemy, talked briefly about feldt above, i think shes great but also her changing crushes between meisters was so funny 😭 like you go girlie i guess ... ! she tried her best . her holding the crew in such high regards as her own family was very wholesome 🥺 LICHTY 😭 lichty was so funny too and. well. LIKE I GET IT i get the drama that went down in s1 but i wish it didnt have to end like that skllwmegj😭😭😭😭 i wish theyd just have a near death experience and then him and chris could just get to be happy together after but i guess not 😔 sumeragi & kati's intertwined backstories we got to know more of thru s2 were really cool to see, and billy's love for her punched me and kicked me into a wall. this man loved her SO much its unreal . hes such a good guy 😭 (which it kind of ticks me off he ended up with mina ........... LIKE COULD YOU GUYS NOT FIND A MORE NORMAL PERSON FOR HIM 😭 i think he deserved better but thats just my personal opinion ... im sure theres a lot of people out there who want mina right NOW and would disagree. so this ones for u guys . if u think shes epic and cool then i guess he got peak ! good for him) ; other unmentioned members i had no real big opinion on 😭😭😭😭 i sometimes even forget lasse exists i am sorry . hes done nothing wrong just left absolutely no opinion on me 🙇♀️
now im not gonna detail THE REST as well but again i literally hold everyone in high or at least neutral regard from ali to whatever the name of the a-laws blond evil guy was im sorry 🙏 the only two i can even say i dislike in the slightest are mileina and alejandro 😭 which is such a duo out of every character in this to tie together . i know . but yeah i hope you enjoyed the sumi rambles 00 NO INNOVADES edition 👍👍 i tried to be as true to myself and my opinions as possible so heres all of them . on paper. digital tumblr paper
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I'm back :)
(sorry if this is worded weirdly and doesnt make lots of sense, i'm kind of dizzy and nervous ) heyyy guys, so i literally left for like months and i dont know if anyone really noticed or something but i just wanna come here and give an update on my situation.
The reason i wasn't for all this time is cause i got kidnapped, it lasted for about a month and it was both me and my mom, i know this sounds fake and all but it like actually happen and even to this day i can't believe it happen.
The reason this even happen was cause i lived in a very very dangerous area and i even got warned to move out months prior but my parents decided to stay cause we had a really good house for a low price (i know it sounds like a lame excuse to stay, i thought so too but my mom insisted cause she said it was her dream home). It was thankfully only for ransom and even now i don't know how much said ransom was cause my dad never told me, i guess he didn't want me to worry but all that i know is that it was a lot.
It went better then i expected cause the kidnappers were surprisingly nice and gentle but that still doesn't excuse what they did but i'm happy i at least got lucky in that aspect, they fed us and gave us water but it was still a pretty small amount so we were really dehydrated and didn't feel well most of the time.
The day we got released was probably the best day of my life, i still feel like crying whenever i remember how it felt hugging my dad again after i thought i'd never see him again, or how everyone looked so happy to have us (me and my mom) back. I'm obviously not saying every single thing that happen as it was a very traumatic experience but also cause i don't want people i know to recognize me but what i'm saying is basically the summary of what happen, it was really rough and scary and there were so many times i though that this was the end for me but at the end i made it and i'm feeling better then ever, i haven't gotten therapy yet (still waiting for it, mom said she'll put me in therapy soon) so i still struggle with ptsd but over time its honestly gotten better and its way better then when i first got released cuz during that period it was so bad that every time i heard a slightly loud noise i panicked and thought i wanna get kidnapped again, yeah it was really rough but i always felt to scared to tell anyone cuz it felt embarrassing to tell people that, like i felt like they'd think i was weak yk?.
Its been a good amount of time since that happen now but i never came back to my account cause i wanted a break, but i finally felt ready to come out about it now. I honestly never thought i was important enough to even be a victim of something like this tbh so it was such a surprise for me, also something thats really crazy but like literally MINUTES before i got kidnapped i actually came here and i made a whole post saying i was scared cuz my parents werent safe (my grandma told me they were in trouble but i didn't get that she meant that my mom got taken and my stepdad was in trouble) but i never posted it cause my grandma interrupted me so i just saved it to drafts and like 5 minutes later while i was just sitting in my room waiting to get picked up, we heard someone coming up the stairs and then i got taken, i'm not gonna post it cause when i made that draft there was too much information on me and my family and where live and just allot of private stuff i can't post here but maybe I'll take a screenshot and like blur out something so you can see a little bit of it cause its just that crazy but just let me know if you want me to post it and don't be afraid to ask cause i really don't mind doing that and blurring the important stuff out.
Its crazy cuz if i had posted that, you guys wouldve probably known about my situation like days after it happen. This was super long and probably didn't make lots of sense lol sorry i'm just really nervous and don't really know what to say also i'm sorry if i said crazy to many times i js realized i like overused it.
I just wanna clarify that i'm doing better now and i also don't know if i'm gonna immediately gonna start posting again but i want abandon my account cuz i love this account so much so im gonna still stick with it. I love you guys so much and stay safe <333
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ok so until u tell me how they become canon i'm just imagining a long distance relationship from the afterlife to the living .like twirling the phone line talking to eachother kinda shit
Nono youre right that's the truth. <3
anyways okay here's a rundown of what happened in the last three episodes (confession ep -> finale) + how the dean side of destiel is canon
If you just want the tl;dr, look at the picture attached !!!
background: Cas made a deal with the entity Empty, which is also the angel afterlife (dubbed superhell by tumblr) where the Empty would kill him in a moment of happiness in return for letting his son, Jack, live
detail: And Cas didnt tell anyone about this deal because he was like yeah man i dont see happiness for me because, in his words, the one thing i want is something i cant have.
Destiel canon episode, 15x18:
a whole season passed and Death (shes also a character) was trying to kill Dean and Cas and Dean are running away. then Cas realizes the only thing powerful enough to kill Death was the Empty. All he had to do was summon her.
Anyways Cas was like "happiness isnt in the having its in the being" and shit and confessed to Dean. basically he finally felt happy when he was able to accept and admit that he loved Dean and why. and then the Empty killed both Cas and Death.
(Dean was there on floor crying and ignoring everyone's calls until the sun rose </3)
15x19: Then the next episode was kind of a whole bunch of nothing destiel wise so you dont have to read this. but anyways a few highlight moments.
-> The devil/Lucifer calling Dean on his phone, pretending to be Cas, to let him into the bunker. angst moment 10/10. Casbaiting moment 0/10
-> Dean told God/Chuck that he would kill Sam and have Sam kill him if it meant Chuck could bring everyone back. and then he went out to emphasize that he had to bring Cas back.
15x20: Dean died on a fucking nail, went to heaven, his CAR was there (his fucking CAR. in heaven.), Jack (who is god now) revived Cas, Sam grew old and died, and yeah. the end
and ofc everyone was like okay . we're never getting anything huh.
wrong! okay so in his original confession, Cas said "I love you" and Dean replied "Don't do this..." (referring to Cas sacrificing himself to save Dean).
Then the spanish dub came out. In the spanish dub, it went "I love you" and dean replied "And I you, Cas" and like. what the FUCK. Destiel was fucking canon in SPANISH and then the tumblr servers actually froze and shut down for a while because of the disruption it caused LMAO.
so thats why the official status for destiel on the website looks like this:
#btw im not springing all of this on haz out of nowhere. He asked in the replies how it went canon and by god did i explain#edited it FIVE times to reduce the unnecessary information though lmao#moose asks#haz
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idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.
super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖
like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.
but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.
and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.
but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.
but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig
and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.
and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.
but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.
like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.
ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?
but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.
flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.
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hey friend, sorry if this is a little personal or you don’t want to answer, please feel free to ignore, but why did you decide to give up alcohol? i want to myself and i think i should, but i’m having trouble giving myself the push to get there. i’m worried about things seeming bleak, or boring, or that i’ll have to explain everywhere. any advice or inspiration is much obliged. congrats!!!!!
hey! no bestie it isnt too personal at all! im super open about stuff like this so please feel free to ask anytime you have questions! im happy to be a support for you because this has been hard but its also been so so so worth it and i will never look back!! <3 my response may be triggering for some due to the content so im gonna put it under a cut! so trigger warning: alcohol, blacking out.
for starters some people just cannot handle alcohol the same way - its literally a brain, chemical thing... some people just can't do it. for me it was endless nights of blacking out, having no idea what i said or did, sick of throwing up all the fucking time and ruining clothes and rugs. im one of the people that if i have one drink it will almost definitely turn into six which turns into ten which turns into black out. i was a nice drinker, i got real obsessed with how much i love everyone and was super friendly so that wasnt apart of my issue. i just felt like... i dont remember what i did or said. it triggered my ptsd and anxiety, every single day after i went hard drinking i would be an anxious mess and feeling suicidal because i was embarrassed or anxious that i had done or said something super humiliating even though that wasnt my track record. i just dont have a healthy ability to stop. i have no off button once the alcoho hits my system so i cannot control how much i drink. i tried that, may times and it never worked. its an all or nothing kind of thing for me.
i also chase the dopamine hit - every sip of alcohol once you start to feel drunk continues to feel like a dopamine hit! thats why you dont realize youre drinking way more than you want to sometimes, because once your kind of out of your normal mindset it takes over and tells you its a great idea..... at least for me it did!
my girlfriend and i went to a taylor swift themed night a bar just days after our decision to get sober and we thought it would be terrible and uncomfortable and i was like "i cant sing or dance without alcohol no way this is gonna be fun" and we did have a wonderful time! there are so many fun mocktails and almost every bartender ive ever come across will be more than happy to throw something fun together for you if youre worried about being able to go out out.
my father is an alcoholic and he and i are estranged because of it. he has been extremely, extremely sick lately with liver and kidney issues from his drinking. and for obvious reasons, i dont wish to repeat that cycle in my near future.
pro tip: if you're somewhere where you order your own drink privately if you get a soda water/sparkling water with lime and ask for it in a rocks glass no one will ever know you arent drinking! i do this a lot when at weddings or parties because i dont feel like talking to drunk assholes about how great they think being drunk is lmao
anon i am more than happy to clarify anything or answer any further questions you have!! its intense to go at this alone, so seriously i got you if you need anyone. <33
alcohol can absolutely be a fun tool if used responsibly and great for celebrations and all that fun stuff but like... you dnot need it to enjoy it. but its expensive, too - in so many ways! so you save money if you just get yourself a pretty lil soda with lime and prance around and just have fun being yourself without a substance taking control for you.
im actually learning a lot more about myself and what i really want and need out of social situations because im in control of myself and my autonomy instead of not remembering what even happened.
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TRIGGER WARNING : Mental Health Rant
DONT READ BECAUSE ITS NOT WORTH your TIME i think
This is a rant/vent post because I’m feeling stuff? I guess? I don’t know…
So i don’t even know know why I’m posting this here but the gist of it is I just heard of Dysthymia (mild but chronic depression) today for the first time.
I searched it up and a online test popped up for it - it was a pretty small test - likely inaccurate.
It asked me some questions that had me in shock and then later diagnosed me as Dysthymic.
And I’m in Los Angeles for college far from home and I wanted to tell someone what happened and as i scrolled through my Insta/snapchat/iMsgs I realised i didn’t quite have someone to share this weird thing that happened with.
It’s not that I dont have anyone - I’m extremely blessed, have a very loving and supportive family, a few very close friends; I’m super lucky so I feel grateful to God for it - point is everyone was on the other side of the planet and I didn’t for some reason feel like sending it to them. I even scrolled through my call logs and FaceTime history and couldn’t find a single person.
Since the longest time I’ve always thought I had people I can count on for any situation - I DO, but i don’t know its just so * indescribable * ugh wtf
Anyway, the other day, my sim card here stopped working and It was when i really needed it due to some work, without internet or data it would prove complicated to make a safe Uber ride or just f anything went south id be screwed.
I needed to go to the SIM card store for a replacement sim - i couldn’t find a single person to come with me, not a single call was returned.
One person texted and they were helpful and said they’re tired so can’t go - UNDERSTANDABLE and COMPLETELY OKAY !! - yet i felt like crap hearing that because if I pride myself on one thing its being an exceptionally kind and loving social person, and even if someone who i know as an acquaintance had asked me for something like this i think i would’ve dropped everything because it was someone’s time for need. I understand that people are different, and i dont want to sound entitled by saying something stupid like they’re obligated to go out with me in a scenario like this but i felt so appalled and i felt like i didn’t really know myself or anything because I’m probably one of those people who literally knows everyone on campus, at least in my batch (2026).
Everyone always says even today that you’re so sweet and you literally know everyone - this makes it so much worse - I’m sweet and know everyone and yet i wasn’t able to cultivate a single friendship or professional relationship to the level where i could count on someone for something like this .
For the record, thanks to my family I knew people (family friends etc..) i could still call in case of a serious emergency - i didn’t feel like this was serious, it was just … ??? »????????????????
ANyway i went alone and by the end of it I told myself i was being so dramatic over something stupid like a sim.
But i don’t know
.
Either way, thats that - I’m sorry I’ve been inactive and havent had time to work on requests - ill get started soon !
IM sorry for posting this on here i don’t even know why I’m doing this lol.
Also if someone is kind enough to reply/comment to this post ; i truly do appreciate it and it means the world, but i don’t know if ill be mentally ready to reply to the comments on this post if any.
Lots of love
- Nino
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how do you think mike will react when he finds out the truth about the painting? also how do you think a break up between mike and el could work after Mike's monologue? I literally have no idea and I keep thinking abt it o wanted to know what do you think
i’ll be honest, a lot of what im about to say is wishful thinking but i do think its all very plausible. i think mike and els break up, his coming out, and how he finds out about the painting will all coincide with each other. so i believe the season will start with mike and el still together and theyre alright but we can tell theyre not super all over each other. its nothing like s3 when they were both really trying to be as couply as possible. (if youve read carry on, i imagine it like simon and agathas relationship). we’ll see more ambiguous byler moments and then later mike will be vecna’d and when he’s tranced he will see things mocking him for his feelings for will and his sexuality. i would fucking love if it went full circle and vecna told mike “its not my fault you dont like girls”. this will be the big reveal to the audience AND it will also reveal it to el because she was piggybacking in his mind to defeat vecna. and its bad. like mike had always avoided thinking about his feelings and trying so hard to pretend theyre not there and not let anyone know and all of a sudden hes being forced to confront who he really is. when mikes back in the real world he’ll see el’s bloody nose and realize she was there and knows everything and start to panic and lock himself alone in a room because at this point he and el were still together and mike was still deep in the closet.
i think their breakup will be very emotional to show how much they really do care about each other, just not romantically. not emotional in a sad break way but emotional in the sense that el can’t believe he felt like she would treat him any different if she knew the truth. i want it to be similar to jonathan and wills talk. i imagine mike completely breaking down alone in a locked room because he was basically outed to el. hes so long overdue for a gay panic attack. unlike will, hes been DEEPLY suppressing all his emotions and we’ve never seen him just let it all out. like full blown panic attack, maybe worse than will destroying the castle.
then i think el will let herself in with her powers and see mike just sitting on the floor and she’ll join him and they’ll have a long talk and mikes just apologizing over and over again because he feels like hes hurt her so much just because he didnt want to accept that he doesnt love girls and el will tell him that its ok and she actually also would rather just be friends and they hug it out and I WANT IT TO BE REALLY EMOTIONAL AND SWEET!!! I WANT IT TO MAKE ME CRY!
and THEN after el tells him that, he’s kind of shocked because he thought for sure el loved him based on everything will said so he asks “but what about the painting” and she says the MUCH anticipated line, “what painting?” and mike is so confused and starts to explain how will gave him a painting that he said she commissioned and then told him about how she needs him and thats what gives her the courage to fight on and he explains that thats why he said all that when she was in vecnas mind because as much as he hated to lie, he thought she needed to hear it to continue to fight. el tells him she never told will to paint anything and he asks “well then what was be talking about?” and el kinda knows the answer to that but theyre interrupted. maybe by will knocking on the door and wanting to check on mike.
so then mike is in this weird limbo where he and el are over, el knows his feelings, he kinda maybe suspects that will might like him back but isnt sure and afraid to confront him about it. also unpopular take but i dont think there will be a huge fight when he finds out will lied about the painting. i just dont think thats a lie to be pissed about, i think he’ll be confused more than anything.
then eventually there will be a quiet time with just mike and will (stuck in the upside down i hope) where they have a long talk about everything and how theyve lost each other and miss each other and then mike eventually gives in and kisses him.
i also have an alternate situation in my head that i think is less likely but MAN WOULD IT BE JUICY!!! when mike is vecna’d what if they had the walkie on the way they did in s1 so everybody could hear what was going on in mikes head and what vecna was telling him. vecna could be saying vague shit about him lying to everyone and being disgusting and the whole party could be really confused at what hes talking about but then vecna would call him a mistake and will would figure it out and get up and grab the walkie and sprint to another room so no one else hears the rest and THEN vecna says “its not my fault you dont like girls”. so he’d be outed to el and will but he wouldnt know that will knows. oh my god thatd be so good.
so yeah this is a specific scenario i imagine it going down but to be more broad, el and mikes breakup will also be a coming out scene and it’ll be very emotional and sweet and mike wouldnt be mad about wills lie, just confused at first but he figures out it might be because will feels the same way.
#need their breakup to be emotional as fuck bc they both deserve to just be so relieved to have each orher as a friend without any pressure#of being anything more#need mike to ball his gay eyes out#byler#elmike#eden answers
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vent
not to be all sad and shit bc i hate posting sad shit but vent
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sometimes i just hate being me idk, like last night my gran DIDNT tell me to wash the dishes and i wasnt feeling well like my mental health at the time was so shit so i was gonna go easy on myself and not wash them
and she hasnt been telling me to wash them lately bc ive just been doing it bc one, shes toxic and manipulative and she'll make me feel like shit
and thats what she did.
and i just feel this inconsolable guilt when i dont do something im supposed to but i cannot get myself to do it bc im just so TIRED why cant i go easy on myself why cant i just she just wash the dishes sometimes
and all night i didnt even sleep well bc i didnt wash the dishes and i saw her in bed this morning and she usually wakes up at the crack ass of dawn to drink her coffee and listen to church music and la la la and she didnt she was in the bed watching tv and she ALWAYS gets up so if she doesnt get up ik shes mad/i messed up
and im not even half awake and she goes "i see you didnt wash the dishes last night" and shes in the bed and she looks so depressed and im like GIRLLL i was so tired and i just feel like this bawl of anxiety bc i didnt wash them and i went to make myself breakfast, before i did that i obviously washed them bc i felt so inconsolably guilty for not washing them one time
even after washing them shes still mad at me and she went on a whole rant abt how im so lazy and shit when literally my mental health has been so fucking bad
and plus WHY CANT SHE WASH THE DISHES? ik shes like almost 80 and she uses this respect ur elders shit on me so i end up having 2 wash them i KNOW i should wash them for whatever reason it is bc im lazy and im horrible and im a trash person bc i literally BREATHE
and she makes dinner and i wash them thats the invisible 'deal' except the deal only works in HER BENIFIT hence manipulation, when i cook she also expects me to wash the dishes
like when i cook for myself i obv wash them bc I DIRTED THEM I WASH THEM
and she acts like bc i ate the food i have to wash them, by that logic you ate it too so like?
im just so ugh bro im so ugh shes been making me feel like shit all fucking morning bc of it and ive cried like 3 times bc i just wanted to rest bc i cant fucking vent to anyone bc ive been feeling like no one fucking cares abt me and i dont deserve to be amongst other humans bc im always the problem im always causing drama im always the horrible one im always playing victim ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.
and plus ive been dealing w this weird thing recently where like my mom shes like not here anymore but i look exactly like her we could be twins okok and my whole family loved and adored her and when she died they were obviously sad bc from what i heard she was a great person and im obv not against that and when she had a daughter they acted like all of their problems were solved HEY WE GET A SECOND ONE OF HER
when they discoverd i look walk talk act like her we have the same intrests
im literally her in a diff font
she was gay, i am also gay
she loved boybands, i love 1d
she wanted to be a nurse, i wanna be a labor and delivery nurse practitioner
she was kind and giving, i am also that
not to mention we basically look the same like i said before, i have a class for career prep bc i wanna be in the medical field and my mom used to work at a hospital and the scrubs we wore, were the same color... as the ones she used to wear
and since then anytime anyone in my family sees me they pull up that picture and laugh and laugh of how i look just like her
and i always get the feeling they dont love me (well obv bc they treat me like shit) but also i feel like they dont love ME for ME just her bc i look like her and im her daughter
and my crazy ass gran has said so she even calls me by my mothers name sometimes not MY NAME its like im not even a person i dont even have my own personality i just STOLE IT FROM HER
its like im a reincarnation of her and i cant help i like all the same things as her bc ig that just happend but sometimes i feel like i dont even have my own identity anymore no one even loves me for me im just sme hollow representation of what they loved before no one in my family actually loves me even if i didnt look like her
they'd cast me aside and call me crazy and weird if we didnt have similar lives they'd treat me like shit more than they already do if i didnt look like her, feels like the only purpose of them treating me with 1% respect is bc i have the face of someone they loved
but then i ask myself, why cant my face be a representation of someone you love? in a weird way... why cant when you look at me you think jamila, not lena
why?
because they dont like me, forever questioning why since i was like 8 my close family just finds me so disgusting and repulsive bc i dont conform to their thinking i dont conform to the typical 'woman' in my family
im not obedient and small, i dont put up with shit i dont deserve, i like diffrent things im still a fucking kid, im sensative to violence and i dont like watchin war movies where ppls arms get chopped off i dont like watching m*rder documentaries i dont like 'facing the facts' of the world and finding it entertaining
i rreally dont
i like princesses and fairys and barbie and winx and one direction and teenage mutant ninja turtles and adventure time and fantasy and glitter and pink and being called babygirl and princess im soft and i dont like those things
AND THEY HATE IT.
I DONT KNOW WHY and i hate that i get hated on bc i dont conform to this invisble checklist of what a woman is by my families standards
by my families standards a woman is obdedient and small and never questions anything shes submissive to her hUsbAnD and shuts up when he/her elders tell her to and do anything to please anyone else in the family bc shes 'well behaved'
and when she has kids, they better not act 'fast' have a personality, act like kids, they better be obdedient little monsters who sit and play quietly while the adults are tAlKiNg
who are EXCLUDED from ever being loved respected or accepted if they act any different
and i hate it.
ty for listening 2 my rant
im sorry it was so long
#vent#rant#jamila rambles#<- starting a tag ig#mooboo has a boo boo#sadness#not 1d?#me being annoying lmfao
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Heloo, Eli!!! How're you doing today? I'm doing good; I'm trying to do this event for Enstars so I can get a free 10pull.
Why don't you tell me about your favorite Genshin characters and/or story quests/archon quest's. Or things about Genshin that you like in general.
I'd love to hear about any Genshin oc you have! I remember that picrew we did where you talked about them, but I'd like to hear more!
If you don't want to talk about Genshin, I'd love to hear about any of your ocs in general. I really like your art, and it's led me to wonder about your characters.
ARIESS!! HI HELLO I dont play Enstars but i am however gonna get into it soon probably- AND THANK YOU I ALSO LOVE YOUR ART💖🙌😭
My favorite genshin character? Hm.. Scaramouche and Tartaglia share the 1st place on my list🙌‼️ Honestly for me to like fictional characters I need to feel like some sort of kinship with them. It's like getting to know someone and slowly growing fond of them. Is that weird idk😭 Scaramouche I feel VERY comnected to him, like staring at him is staring at a mirror. I love his lore and how much potential he has. His story was AMAZING in every way. The redemption arc wasn't really a redemption arc, he just chose to be free and do whatever he wanted to after getting his memories back. His backstory I can understand and relate to A LOT but we dont have to go too deep into it. Childe/Tartaglia/Ajax (mf has so many fucking names) I think the reason I love him is because of his relationship with his siblings and how he is still more caring compared to other harbingers. He has a heart shortly. He loves his family and thats what I love about him.
GENSHIN OCSSS
I have a lot but their lores are still wip
NOW THE ONE I DID IN THE PICREW. NAMI‼️
You might've noticed how her story was short! THAT WAS ON PURPOSE!! You see Nami doesn't remember anything before she joined the fatui. Her oldest memory is waking up in her tent in a camp and having the feeling to need to go on patrol. She is a very succesful agent in the Fatui. Having worked under 2 harbingers. Ajax and Capitano. She never questioned it. She felt like it was her whole purpose. But if WE dig into her story she was taken by the fatui as a child. Nami is an Elf, having powerful magic and a long life. Her family was indebt to the Fatui. They said they were willing to do anything as they wanted to protect their precious child. Well, they in Nami's mother. Her father didn't care about her as much. The Fatui suggested they gave up Nami as they could train her at an early age and make her into a killing machine. Her parents would fight every night and day, arguing about the situation. Nami felt horrible. She hated how she was the reason her parents didn't get along. So one night she ran away from home to join the fatui herself. She started strict training at the age of 9. Was involved in Dottore's many experiments. And when the harbinger decided she was strong enough. He brainwashed her. She was turned into some kind of puppet. Following orders left and right without complaint.
Another oc of mine is Aasha. Not genshin. Sadly😭
A lil baby goat fae in diasomnia. Or more formally Aasha Kurayami. Aasha comes from a rich family. They grew up as a very stoic child surronded with narcissists. Basically a family who expected a pretty perfect girl. They got the pretty perfect part but the girl part? Nah we are going QUEER. Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward. Straight girl. LITTLE MISS PERFECTTT THAAAAATSSSS AASHAAAA‼️ ehem but ye! They were originally supposed to go to RSA but they admired NRC so much even as a child that they begged their parents to go. When Aasha joined NRC, they werent expecting to make any friends. A few students were interested in their apperance as goat fae's are very rare. One of them being Cater. Aasha was still very stoic and distant with anyone and everyone so their first interactions with people were awkward and stiff. But as time went by they got more comfortable with others. They felt weird. Sometimes a smile would creep its way up to their lips! Or a little giggle. They were getting shyer by day. They felt weird and insecure aswell. Did they look normal while smiling? Or do their teeth look weird? But with more time they were fully comfortable with everyone. They felt at peace. They felt loved. And then they lived happily ever after-
what about your oc's? I am also very curious about yours!
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