I can’t get over how reasonable Skylar is in season 4 like. She’s a trained bookkeeper and urges Walter all season to stick to a planned story both for consistency in their personal life but because she knows how easy it is to pick up accounting errors/fraud. Not only are the accountants that work for the IRS trained specifically to hone in on that kind of thing already, but she recognizes how dangerous it would be if they had a reason to look though their records. Not only this but as she’s working to craft a believable and legitimate story her husband in his best Scarface impression is pulling the worst attention attracting stunts possible while he’s meant to be “unemployed.” expensive champagne. buying a sports car upfront. considering laundering money through a laser tag all while continuing to keep secrets from her, which obviously leads her to imagine the worst for her meth dealing husband like. Walter could have valued her professional input along with the perspective she could provide as a party not directly involved in cooking instead of acting petulant and condescending and “oh she just doesn’t get the things that I do for our family” BRO TELL HER 

I always get so angry but then I play video games and I'm no longer so angry

This is a problem when it comes to wanting to leave my shit ass job

Random & weirdly specific SFW/NSFW Vox head-cannons because I lije him

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

SFW:

- Though he does drink coffee, he isn’t a coffee addict surprisingly, I feel like he wouldn’t drink coffee unless he absolutely thinks he has to. Also, he likes to flex his awesome coffee cup. His average cup of joe consists of probably 6-8 oz of coffee, like 10 sugar packs , & 2 oz of creamer.

- You probably realized my not so subtle hints towards Vox loving sugar, because of his eccentric demeanor and his loud self, he would obviously love sugary sweets, not as much as drinks though. Vox is like those type of people who survive off of 10 energy drinks per day rather than water, claiming it was “cool”. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started the monster can craze in 2020.

- HIS BEDROOM GUYS, his bedroom. The vast majority of his bedroom is, surprise, blue. It’s messy but in a “good” way? I don’t know how to explain it but his room is not food or clothes messy. It’s cable cord messy, like back of the tv hooked up to the gaming system messy LMAO. He doesn’t visit his room a lot; he doesn’t even call it “his room” but I am. Blue led lights everywhere, tv screens all over the walls just like his office. The man doesn’t even have a bed! I also think his room is filled with unsuccessful prototypes of his old VoxTek shit. If you’re super close to him he’d let you play with them <3

- If you want to “win his heart” I think you’re gonna wanna know a thing or two about technology. If not prepare for hours of him ranting about shit you don’t know. Because wdf

- Despite him being a bratty piss baby, he’s intelligent, he’s a fucking technology engineer, businessman, & founder of a huge company in Pentagram City for god’s sake . Just not emotionally and actually fun fact, smarter people have trouble connecting with emotions of other people, hence why he’s so manipulative and whatnot. (Smart people do stupid shit) I compare him to Elon Musk or something

- So his phone…whats on his phone?! Seriously what the fuck is on his phone. There is actually a ss of hell’s apps on one of the imps phone, I will post it here! But firstly the only apps that’ll be on his phone is VoxFlix, Sinstagram (even though he’s probably more of a stalker than a poster) Envee (TikTok), and all the other apps that come with the Vphone. He probably does not have the hell equivalent to facebook because “who the fuck uses hellbook” guys he watches porn btw.

- For a tiny small fraction of angst, though he has a relationship with reader…i dont think he’ll stop watching porn (not that he has a crippling porn addiction lmao…he watches it every now and then) unless you really get in your feelings about it. But then he’ll just think you’re totally overreacting.

NSFW

- Speaking of porn, his deep desires is to record a video of him absolutely fucking your brains out…or if youre a top…you absolutely fucking HIS brains out.

- (For my switches) First time he realized you top too, he was reluctant at first because, what would that do to his sweet repuation? If someone finds out? If someone finds him bent over the table, caught him pants down, getting penetrated by a dick (silicone or real), the risks of someone taking a pic and posting it for everyone to see especially Alas— sorry guys.

- (For my tops) BIG PISS BABY. Complains all the fucking time. About how much it hurts and wanting you to slow down for a second so he can catch his breath. Seeing him glitch at your nasty remarks. And if you’re a mean top, he fucking hates it so good but it feels so bad. Seeing him cry about the negative attention you’re sending his way, he craves nothing more than to be perceived in a positive light. Thats why he hates alastor cause he thinks he hates him so therefore he hates him back 🤷🏽‍♀️. But if you’re a nice top, get ready for needy Vox.

- Like I said he’s a power bottom if you’re a top, he just doesn’t know it yet <3

- Big sucker for praise. Wants to be called a good boy. I will admit he was shy at first about you commanding him to call himself a good boy for that sweet long awaited praise. Poor baby ;(

- “I-I’m a good…good boy..?” ^^^

- His cum is not blue guys 😔… his cum is milky, stiky like caramel, sweet like pineapple, and white like a sheet of paper.

- IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF I INCLUDE SCARY DETAILS ABOUT HIS DICK GUYS!! 👻👻 /hj

- Girth: 2.5in Length: 6-7in Tip color: #03cafc Number and placement of veins: 3 noticeable veins, two crossing diagonally from eachother and more closer to the balls, the other one is more closer to the tip Base color: #304891 Miscellaneous: slightly curved to the right (it’s barely there but if you look closely). Grower > Shower

yall i had to re upload because i came to my senses that i dont see vox topping at all like he’s too…HIM for that. 😭 im so embarrassed dont be alarmed if i say i will literally eat the nearest brick wall like a cake !

HI IVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPERFIXATED ON TMA FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND IVE SEEN MAYBE ONE (1) SINGULAR PERSON TALK ABOUT THIS and i am not even kidding when i say its been a passionate topic of conversation for that entire year. people know me for this. it comes up and my entire friend group SIGHS AUDIBLY because they know the 20 minute tangent i Will be taking

WHATTTTT IS GOING ON WITH GERARD KEAYS NAME. what. what???? okay i

youre telling me jonathan sims went to oxford college (relatively prestigious if my memory serves me correctly) for RESEARCH. for, to put it simply, READING. and he looks at the name gerard and goes Yeah looks like jared to me lets go with that!!! HELLO?? NO?? not even mentioning the fact that he is being what could easily be called possesed when reading these statements which leaves us with two options

1. the ENTIRETY OF ENGLAND CANNOT PRONOUNCE THE NAME GERARD.

2. jonathan sims is so monumentally stupid that he is somehow breaking this possesion for the 2 seconds it takes to say the name gerard (i love him i swear i will sound so so hateful for this entire post but its out of love)

and like??? its not even that EVERYONE is calling him jared? elias and gertrude have both called him gerard and thats just off the top of my head. i also think jon said it correctly ONEEEE SINGULAR TIME. Just the once.

now i feel it necessary to mention jared hopworth here as well. because why, why on gods green earth, would you name a character gerard. pronounce it jared. TURN AROUND AND GO. lets make another jared but this ones made out of meat and is sort of implied to not be too fond of gay people. Yeah he steals peoples bones. Yeah.

SO LIKE GERARD KEAY IS THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR JARED EXCEPT HES NOT JARED HIS NAME IS LITERALLY GERARD?? FUCK YOU SO MUCH

so okay. sure whatever this podcast is sooo british that a bunch of people are just completely failing to pronounce gerard. sure. whatever you say.

GERRY?????? HIS FUCKING NICKNAME IS GERRY???????????? NO!!!!

NO. no. LOOK ME IN MY EYES. LOOK AT THE NAME GERARD. GER-ARD. AND YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA CALL HIM JARED. SND THEN YOURE GONNA CALL HIM GERRY WITH A G???? gerry with a g. that is utterly ridiculous i cannot even believe this that is monumentally frustrating i cannot even begin to describe to you all the anger i have experienced over this particular bit because why on earth would you take that particular extra step??? gerard -> gerry. sure. thin ice, but sure. jared -> jerry. sure! yeah! makes sense! GERARD -> JARED -> GERRY? you must be playing some sick joke jonny sims. seriously. you are a cruel and usual man

now this is when i start to wind down, but far from where i finish. lets take a moment to really pause and soak in his actual name here.

gerard.

that is so unfortunate already i mean really, gerard is such a…. a name…. i mean his mom skins people and puts them in books and the cruelest thing i think she ever couldve done is honest to god name her son gerard.

keay.

now dont get me wrong. theres nothing seriously wrong with spelling it keay on principle. but god, really? youre gonna shove all this gerard gerry jared business in front of me and tell me his last name is just key but gone the extra mile. really feels like the cherry on top of a shit cake.

now if you consider gerards character i truly feel as though thats the deepest disservice here. gerard keay is an incredible character whos short appearance is so memorable and charming, and despite his VERY little screen time he still has an intriguing and well fleshed out character. really, gerard keay is so excellent character wise. But, every time i think about him for any more than 5 minutes, almost this exact rant is being told to whoever is unfortunate enough to be near me at the time.

another thing i think also really adds to this is just the nature of gerard keay. everything you can say about that guy could be ended with “and everone calls him jared for some reason”. hes emo and everyone calls him jared for some reason. his hair dye job is so miserable that EVERYONE mentions it and everyone calls him jared for some reason. he has mommy issues and everyone calls him jared for some reason.

okay i need to wrap this up before i start just repeating WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY for thousands of words but heres a graph i made for my friends in october 2022 when i was going on about this in the middle of my spanish class 👍👍

little rant type shit about azzi and paiges current and kinda future media presences

i think azzis reposts are like her way of letting people know shes gonan be okay without having to be actually present and ibteractive on socials. she was literallt just comibg back from her drought/break/pause (wtvr u wanna call it) and likely wont post for a while because dawg camp and the draft content was like the most we’ve had from azzi in so long. i think shes probably doing alright considering the amount of support shes surrounded by and honestly she didnt really seem like in any hurry to suddenly become active like an instant unpause after not beibg active for so long, like i dont rlly think her being “on a break” was all that deep she was probably convinced to post but didnt really seriously care to upkeep not postibg in the first place so itd be practically no change in her lifestyle to go back to not posting i dont think she was like resisting the urge to post or anything. specifically now post-situation it might not be “i dont psot often but i sometines do wheneveb i feel like it” instead she might purposely stay away and actually jsut take time away from media focus for a little and we’ll get like a crumb once and a while.

and i think paige being active rn is a mix of moving on from the incident and also the fact that the season is over and shes back on media and does like beibg on it like for example on lives and stuff. i feel like shes trying to show that shes moving past it as well as not letting it effect or stop doing what she enjoys. i also think that if paige had gone media silent after what happened it mightve brought even more attention to it with people speculating the effects it had or twitter running wild as it always does. i think her vague-ish thanking for support tweet near when it happened was good because it further fueled people who had been covering the timeline and helped speed up efforts to get tweets taken down but didnt actively add crap tons of spotlight on it. plus her normally posting and tweeting helps spread around what people are focusing on when she appears or if shes mentioned and it js moves the crowd on. we also know shes been described as/has said about herself that shes the type to put on a strong front in stressing times so even if shes beibg active on media and seemingly doing alright she could be doing it for all the reasons i just mentioned about moving the public on (like damage control/reputation padding) and still be literallt depressed behind the scenes and js doing it bc she feels she has to. either way we have no way of knowing whats actually happening and we will probably never know, i can only guess abd assume just as much as everyone else, i could be insanely far off or completely spot on, even if it doesnt match how any of us assume or imagine her acting just remember that we literally do not know any of these people!

i hope things settle and we can see them together again i dont think the situation would have effected their relationship with eachother theyre like ride or die and its not like its their fault it happened. obviously no one wouldvt wanted it to happen but i like to think that behibd the scenes theyre supporting eachother or they could be givibg eachother space but all n all i dont see this being the reason they suddenly drop eachother and i have ful lconfidence theyll come out the other end still side by side.

if anyone has any thoughts or responses feel free to add on or share or if i left smth out or got smth wrong feel free to correct me bc its literallt 6:30 am rn and im suppsoed to be awake in less than 2 hours 🤣🥲

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

OK THIS IS A RANT WITH ZERO PUNCTUATION IN ALL CAPS AND SPOILERS FOR HAZBIN HOTEL EPS. 1-4!!!!

OK SO I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THEM AND OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE IT SOOOO MUCH ITS AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND OH MY FUCKING GOD IM GONNA RANT ABOUT THE CHARACTERS AND THE EPISODES MAYBE IDKKKKK

CHARLIE GIRL YOU ARE SO WHOLEOSME AND I OOVE YOU BUT GODDAMN STOP TAKING PEOPLE’S SHIT JUST BECAUSE YOU AHVE TO BE NICE. ALTHOUGH WHEN YOU WENT DEMON FIRM AT VAL FOR FUCKING ABUSING ANGEL HELLLLLL YEAH THATS MY gIRL ILYSM. AND HER FEELING GUILTY FIR EVERYTHING LIEK IT WAS PARTLY YOUR FAULT BUT NO STOP REVEALING MY OWN PROBLEMS TO ME “YOU FIX EVERYONE’S PROBLEMS EXCEPT YOUR OWN” STOP IT HUSK STOP IT.

SPEAKING OF HUSK MY FAVORITE CHARACTER, MY BELOVED. I OOVE THIS WISE OLD BARTENDER. HIM IN THE 4TH EPISODE… AHHHHHHHHH MY HUSKERDUST HEART!!! AND IF HIS AND ALASTOR’S RELATIONSHIP AND PAST DONT GET DEEPLY DIVEN INTO IN THE SHOW I WILL NOT HESITATE TO FUCKING MAKE JY WAY TO FUCKING HEAD WRITER AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. AND HIM TAKING CARE OF ANGEL. GET FUCKING MARRIED (JKJK I LOVE A SLOWBURN (SERIOUSLY ATYD TOOK LIKE 70 CHAPTERS AT KEAST FOR FEELINGS TO EVEN HAPPEN)) AND HIM RELATING TI ANGELLLL AND THEIR DUETTTTTT!!!

AND NOW ANGEL. MY GOD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU VAKENTINO YOU DO NOT GET TO HURT MY SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER AND JUST EXPECT ME NOT TO BRANDISH MY FUCKING KNOFE JUST BCUZ YOU ARE FICTIONAL AND THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD KILL YOU. I WILL GET A FUCKING ANGELIC WEAPON AND SKEWER YOU. NOW ENLUGH ABOUT THAT SHITHEAD ONTO OMGGGG ANGEL NO ONE CAN BEAT HUSK BUT GODDAMN ILYYYYY HIM AND VAGGIE HAVE A SUBLING RELATIONSHIP AND NO ONE CAN CONVIBCE ME OTHERIWSE. THEY ARE JUDGEMENTAL SHITS WHO HATE EACH OTHER AND WOULD THRIW EACH LTHER IN FRONT OF A CAR BUT WOULD KILL SOMEOBE IF THEY SOMUCH AS LOOKED AT THE OTHER THE WROBG WAY. ALSO IN EPSIDOE 2 HIM BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF SIR PENTIOUS. YES. AND HIM FEELING LEFT PUT UGHHHHHHH!,!

OK SIR PENTIOUS TIME BCUZ HE IS VOICED BY ALEX BRIGHTMAN AND I AM A FUCKING BEETLEJUICE STAN, AND ALSO A FIZZAROLI STAN (HE IS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TI HELLUVA BOSS AND NO I WILL NOT DEBATE THIS) AND OMG HES SO SILLY HOW DID HE EVER GO TO HELL I CANT HES SO SWEET AND APOLOGETIC. I MEAN HE WAS AN ASSHOLE FOR LIEK TWO MINUTES AND HE DID ONLY APOLOGIZE AFTER GETTING THE SHIT BEATEN OUT IF HIM BUT THEN HE SANG A WHOLE SONG WITH CHARLIE AND HES SO SWEET I CANT- ALSO HIS WHOLE THING WITH NIFFTY SPEAKING OF NIFFTY…

I LOVE THIS LITTLE GREMLIN SHE IS PURE COMEDY GOLD AND SHE IS EVERYTHING. SHE HAS PROBABLY KILLED MORE PEOPLE THAN ALASTOR AND I LOVE THAT FOR HER. JUST WATCHING “INNICENTLY” WHILE ANGEL PLAYED HIS PORN VID… AND HER AND SIR PENTIOUSSSS “OOH HES A BAD BOY” AND THEN HER WALING IN RIGHT AFTER THE MUSICAL NUMBER BEING LIKE “I HATED THAT YOU’RE NOT A BAD BOY ANYMORE” I LITERALLY LOVE HER SHES SO UNDERRATED!!! AND HUSK JUST REFUSING TO SHARE WHAT KIND OF SHIT SHOW SHE IS!!, FUCKING LOVE HER.

ANYWAY VAGGIE AND CHARLIE ARE LITERALLY SO CUTE (I HAVE SOME CHAGGIE FANART I MADE I JUST UGHHHH LOVE THEM) AND VAGGIE IS SO SWEET ALSO HER WHOLE THING IN THE 3RD EPISODE WHERE SHE’S KINDA LIKE SHES A GENERAL IN THE MILITARY? I FEEL LIKE THAT MIGHT BE A POINT FOR THE VAGGIE IS AN EX-EXORCIST (IF THE EXORCISTS ARE STRCTURED LIKE AN ARMY (LOOK AT ME THEORIZING MATPAT WOULD BE PROUD)) ALSO HER BEING READY TO FUCKING KILL ANYONE LOVEEEEEE!!!

UM ANYWAY ITS ALASTOR TIME AND IF ALL THE COMPLEXITIES OF HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE CAST AREN’T EXPLAINED IN DEPTH I WILL FUCKING KILL SOMEBODY (PROBABLY VALENTINO I HATE HIM SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO TAKE A KNIFE AMD-) ANYWAY ALL OF ALASTOR’S MONENTS ARE AMAZING I LOVED THE CALLBACK TO “HA! no” AND HIM AND THE EGG BOIS——— ALSO HIS DUET WITH VOX??? AMAZING AND DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THAT IT LOW KEY KIND OF SOUNDED LIEK “INSANE” AT SOME PARTS? MY HAZBIN OBESSED MIND ATE THAT SHIT UPPPPP!

WELP THATS PRETTY MUCH ALL I HAVE TO SAY ON THE MAIN CAST ALSO JUST WANT TO MENTION THAT I LOVE HOW WHEN CHARACTERS SING THEY ARE ACTUALLY SINGING!!! LIKE I LOVE IT WHEN MUSICALS ACKNOWLEDGE THE SONGS IT MAKES ME HAPPY

omg thank you so much for replying to my rant with another rant, i love your takes on this show so much istg my brain is just his man 2 these days 😭 i also wanted to rant about junsungho because i'm so obsessed with them, they've completely taken over my heart. like even without a date, they've progressed so beautifully and naturally, it's just impossible for me to not root for them. it's the way junsung takes every opportunity he can to show sungho all his love languages - gift giving in the form of zero coke and cookies, the adorable quality time they shared when they were roommates and throughout ep 7, physical touch in the form of head pats to wake sungho up, words of affirmation 24/7 and especially through his phonecalls, and the continuous acts of service 🥹 he's so sincere and straightforward, yet he never does anything to burden sungho with his feelings. he never expects anything in return and just follows his heart, so whenever sungho does do something for him it feels extra special and god why is he the cutest ever 😭 i'd like to think that junsung is definitely starting to affect sungho way more than he thought he would (like hello, the 100% friendship turning into him being 50/50) and it's so apparent why - he looks so comfortable around junsung, their banter is so natural and the way junsung's phonecalls make him smile like THAT every time is just so telling. i really hope they get a chance to go on a date real soon because i think just the two of them hanging out and focusing on each other is what sungho really needs (what we all need honestly) 🥺

we are well and truly stuck in his man 2 land until this ends arent we?? who am i kidding, im gonna be stuck here afterwards too i seriously cannot get this show out of my mind and at this point ive gone past coherent thought, all my rants are just me gushing.

and you are so so right about junsung and sungho, my roommates that arent even roommates anymore but will always be roommates in my heart. there is just something so special about watching the way junsung has approached sungho, it honestly feels like something ive never seen before neither in fiction or reality bc it is just so pure hearted and sincere and simple. like he likes this person and he's just showing it in whatever way he can and not ever demanding anything in return, its the kind of affection that is like i just wanna see you happy and i'd really like it if i could be the one to make you happy. and there's something so special about how he's had such rubbish experiences both with coming out and dating and we don't even know the half of it and yet he remains this good of a person, its like in the face of the shit life has thrown him, he's stood resolutely and said i won't let this change me, i will still be me. like he is truly someone that is not hiding, and the way he instantly claimed his sexuality when forced to come out tells me that he will not stand for people making him doubt or feel ashamed about who he is. and you can feel that steadfast resolution in how he pursues sungho, and this faith in his own feelings that singled him out on day one and not wavering since. and yet he never demands reciprocation. that's why its so nice to watch, bc you arent watching someone pursue someone unwantedly, or make them feel pressured to return that affection. he just constantly makes sure sungho knows and is reminded of his feelings and sungho can reciprocate if/when he wants to. and thats why i never feel uneasy watching them, bc i dont feel like sungho is uneasy or under any pressure to do anything or change his behaviour or tiptoe around junsung's feelings. its pure ease, and thats why its so beautiful to see sungho slowly develop those feelings for junsung. its giving fell first vs fell harder yknow, like look at this person doing so much not just with this arbitrary end to date me, but bc he actually likes and cares about me, the person, not the goal. and when i watched the first ep of the show, sungho was my instant favourite bc he is so cute and hot and charming and loveable and kind and funny, he has so many sides to him that you wouldnt expect, and i adore junsung for all the reasons ive just ranted about too, so it says a lot when i say these two people are so deserving of each other, like i would not settle for anything less than someone who appreciates these people for everything they are, and thats what these two are.

and when we get that 1 on 1 date, bc i know its happening, i feel it in my bones, you know im gonna be in tears in front of that screen, with the biggest dumbest smile on my face, and i wont be able to move on from it

(hi mod courtney!! i suggest you to read my whole post so that you can tag the possible content warnings on this ask!!!)

ok sorry for sending in my 9273836282nd take this month but

i know people might not know of this (these comments are hard to find on their own) but on places like deviantart, pinterest, tiktok, etc… whenever someone makes fanart of a td character that is confirmed/implied to be asian, people just. automatically assume theyre chinese????

ofc im not saying that if you headcanon a character as chinese ur bad. im just really confused bc the creators never said that?? And their comments are kind of mentioning an underlying idea that all asians are chinese because china is a populated country (which is stupid btw. the reason why i take this so seriously is bc im asian and i feel like i literally cant escape shit that happens here..) AND THEYRE SUPER CONFIDENT ABT IT TOO. like literally i saw a comment saying something along the lines of “for a chinese girl, emma’s body is basically a genetic miracle” which is. I dont even have to explain. Because 1. emma wasn’t even confirmed to be chinese (or at least i remember it that way) and 2… what.??????????!!?

im so sorry for this rant lmao i just need to let out some steam. yes all chinese people are asians but not all asian people are chinese :/ also i dont mind chinese headcanons, the real thing that bothers me is that these people GENUINELY THINK ITS CANON (mostly based off stereotypes!!) so stop assuming ESPECIALLY because asia has a lot of people in it!!!

if i sound really stupid im sorry lmao im writing this at 1am and i ate a rainbow chocolate bar!

.

re-reading the earlier upd8 of hs2...has anyone complained about john (probably)? because i was going to but then i realised that his whiny-out of touch-oblivious- man child-overall just annoying *thing* is actually a lot less annoying than it is relatable. specifically re-reading this detail:

in combination with his over-the-top attachment to the past & inability to interact with the present his character felt like a punch to the gut. its funny because i first read this around 2 years ago and I dont remember john's monologue at ALL or even the tragedy of his character. i think its because I had just started college i was feeling SECURE as hell. now after getting my degree, moving to a new city, not having a job and being away from everything/everyone i know...john's little speech but also John's whole character in hs2(the godtier pyjamas he's grown out of? his dads burnt down house?! how no one takes him seriously??) suddenly speaks to me. that feeling of just being too slow for the world, of you just limping along while everyone zooms past.

i guess part of my point is that there are specific times for specific characters and character arcs? and sometimes - just sometimes- when you dont like it, it really is because you didnt get it :')

ok-end rant

i somewhat dislike and distrust people pleasers. primarily because i don't like to be lied to and i've encountered scenarios where there is a very fucked up string of lies from someone who is just trying to say what I or someone else wants to hear. simply put it irritates me and wastes everyones time, energy, emotions. but secondarily i was a people pleaser a very very long time ago and I really hated/hate that version of myself. sit down and take it doesn't exist in my vocabulary anymore. if i let something go for the moment its no longer because of the naive idea that enough cozying up to cruel people will grant some sort of favoritism or mercy. its simply to avoid unnecessary conflict and focus on fixing the problem quietly. i am an angry person, i get sucked into ridiculous fights with toxic people too much. like beyond-schizo-ranting evangelicals and people who think you can solve cancer with like.. garlic or sum. people so ridiculous it isn't worth a spare glance. but often i feel some level of responsibility when i or others are endangered by these people who at every turn refuse to grow an awareness and seek help.

people pleasing can be useful if it's an intentional and well planned tool but. most of the time it isnt that. i dont play well with people pleasers. i get along fine with avoidants, fighters, even people who freeze up a bit when somewhat distressed. best case scenario with a people pleaser is they are too polite and not blunt/forward about their problems and it annoys me having to guess at how they're feeling until i myself decide enough is enougu and make distance. worst case scenario they go full trauma response on me without trigger or prompting (because this is how they act to EVERYONE. god it must be exhausting) and fabricate a completely one-sided relationship of honesty and communication on my part with a bunch of bullshit on their end. and then eventually they admit it and i promptly think they should walk off a cliff.

i'm a busy person and i have some heavy responsibilities to carry. if i take on the responsibility of any sort of relationship i expect mutual effort and honesty. i do not expect to waste time on meaningless company all entangled in some fucked up ptsd. if i have to be considerate of my reactions (and i do), you should consider that being overly considerate to the point of erasing yourself out of every equation is also bad and also requires conscious effort to not do.

like i am not saying it is someones fault for having people pleasing tendencies that piss me off. but i am saying that among trauma responses, people pleasing is not often seen as the problem it is and is even encouraged. people who fight are "aggressive," people who run are "cowards," people who freeze are "a burden to themselves." but what about people pleasers??????? in the long term it can be one of the most damaging responses to serious and close relationships-- forging something fake and having it dissolve in an instant. it is a real problem. you are not a hero for being bubbly and nice when you are in pain or danger-- you are a person who needs help and understanding. we meme about the whole "fake smile depression" but can we like. take it seriously for a sec. it is so damaging both in denying yourself the right to feel and react negatively to bad things and, again, in denying the ability for healthy relationships.

if you are a people pleaser, please do not treat it like its just a funny joke that everyone deals with. genuinely look inside yourself and talk with a trusted confidant. work it out. its not a superpower, its a symptom of hurt that needs care and gentleness.

so yeah in conclusion

1) dont people please at me i am begging you. politeness is one thing, ignoring yourself for others is a whole other thing

2) people pleasers do need to unravel that response and need healing just as much as people with different responses to mental illness, stress, or trauma. just because it presents as 'excessive niceness' and not lashing out or something doesn't minimize how it actually functions in your life. it is a maladaptive survival mechanism that you cannot allow your brain to continue pushing once you are out of the related situation.

REALLY QUICK. I TAKE REQUESTS FOR MOOD BOARDS

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New master post because the old one is broken

About me!

Welcome to my blog! My name is Wayward (not irl obviously. Though I wish) Just some basic information *ahem* I'm transmasc, androgenous (masc leaning), omniflux (but mostly mlm). Kinda complicated, yeah, but aren't we all. My pronouns are He/Him (main) Xe/Xir (trialing neos) They/Them (for my more 'who cares about gender' mood). I haven an extensive list here 👉: Pronoun card.

Other random info about me :) I'm an aspiring author (my ao3 here 👈) and self-taught artist.

I have an TMNT AU I'm currently writing/designing. Find that here 👈

I'm also a Punk (in clothing and in ideologies and less so in music. yk just deal with it, it's the spirit that counts)

I'm also a monster fucker -I mean what? Who said that?

My beliefs are centered in Nordic Witchcraft, so no hate or I will bring down the might of Thor on your head. You've been warned. But if you are gonna play nice you can find me here 👈.

I'm quite odd so if that bothers you then don't stick around. I'm never in the mood to fight so don't even try it. Oh also, I'm an undiagnosed neurodivergent (probably autistic) and diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Although I'm pretty good now-a-days.

This blog is mainly for my shit posting, doom scrolling, fandom shenanigans, hyper fixations and it's my main. Everything else I do branches off into its own blog. Kinda like blog children. Bloglins you could even call them. (I'm coining that term. Mine now) My current hyper fixations are TMNT and HTTYD.

I LOVE GETTING ASKS. I have a few ask games I'm happy to do so I'll link them 👈. I usually answer within a day or two so please send them in. They are so much fun and I love interacting with communites . My DM's are also open if you just wanna chat in general or have any questions you want to ask not publically (for reasons).

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If you are an alter/non human follow me here

As I'm sure most of you can relate to this I really dont see why I need to say it but it's the internet so you can never be too careful. But I'm really attached to a lot of fictional characters from many franchises and if I ever post about them please be nice. Even if you dont like them or the potential discourse around them. Just be decent ok? They can be found here 👈

Now that I've told you about me there are some ground rules to go over for my corner of the internet.

No harassment, bullying, discourse or anything of that nature belongs here. This is a Peaceful blog alright? I dont want none of that shit 🫵

No terfs, no homophobes, no transphobes, no zoophiles, no pedofiles (you are not MAPS ok, fuck off), no incest shippers, no anti-lgbt of any kind, no bigots, no conservative Christians, no religion haters (there is a balance), or anti-alter humanity of any kind. I think you get the idea but if I get even a hint that any of you people are lurking you will get tossed out like the trash you are. IMMIDEITLEY 🖕

No dark jokes or snides at mental health, it's tough shit and people dont need any more negativity to deal with. I will fucking report you if you ever do anything of the sort on my blog.

And finally no drama or discourse. seriously no one has the time or energy for that esspecially me. Just dont ok? 👎

I have a few personal tags and may add more when need arises but if your looking for something in particular you may find them with these tags

#wayward rants

# wayward rambles

#wayward asks

#wayward rambles

# helpful reblogs

# waywards wallflower AU

#waywards art

!!!SHOUT OUT TO MY MOOTS!!!

@neonleons-posts @small-spiderpunkboy @fireflysquidsoup @ghosts-in-the-outfield @promiscuousbarnes @waywardsarah @corrupt-touch @dissapointedcreeper @regulusblackisamermaid

I have another Master Post type post so anything that isn't here will be there. It's kinda like a less detailed pt 2 to this post. You can find that here 👈. And if for some reason you want to see the old Master Post, I am gonna keep it up so you can find that here 👈

That's all for now folks hope you have fun whilst visiting my blog.

hi, let's get to know each other ☆

Since I've started this blog a few days ago, here are some informations about me 💌

my name is Carla, I'm 23, my pronouns are she/her/hers

I go by the name Carla Jackson when it comes to my writer/artist/singer/songwriter alter ego, call me Jackson, Carla, whatever you'd like but never my full name, I dont know it feels too formal and I dont like that, lets keep it casual bestiee

I write about anything seriously but the recurrent topics are the struggles and mental battles I go through in any circumstances, chaotic creation, and recently I've been writing a lot about all the feelings that come with the act of pursuing one's dream.

My dream is to be a singer/songwriter/artist and fully live from my art, it's something thats been burning inside me for a long time and dying to be put out there in the material world. I grew up watching my favorite artists on stage, singing, dancing, performing and said "thats what I wanna do"

Following your dreams and making everything to bring it to life is tiring, I get tired a lot, but never get tired of it, I love music way too fucking much!!

Speaking of favorite artists, I've always been a fangirl as long as I can remember and it has really inspired my writings lately. My idols are like a part of my family, more than my actual one but thats another topic for another post lmao :)

Fan/stan culture and anything related to the star system, cult of celebrity fascinate me, there's actually A LOT to say about that and I'm 100% here for it!

I am personally a bts army : my bias are yoongi and namjoon, I see a lot of me in them, namjoon's like my mind and yoongi my heart.

a little monster (lady gaga fan) and a michael jackson fan (your girl is literally called Carla JACKSON)

they're basically my holy trinity

otherwise I still listen to other artists but it would take literally forever to list them all so I'm not gonna make you go through all of that haha

lets just say I have an obsession with the 2000s/ early 2010s, basically anything that reminds me of the music I listened to when I was younger (as if I'm that old, I'm literally 23, its the fear of aging speaking 🙄)

this is why I started this blog btw, like the good old personal blogs days (we had skyblogs in france, I use to have mine where I'd write one direction fanfiction..... thats a topic I dont wanna dig up for OBVIOUS reasons 🥲)

also because I miss the 2014 tumblr era (definately not the bad side of it, more like halsey, the neighbourhood, grunge side of 2014 tumblr, you see?)

we need to make personal blogs a thing again!! I wanna rant about anything, with my 2 followers interacting!!

ANYWAY

We have at least one thing in common, so if you're a writer, love poems, music, are a fangirl/boy, have an obsession for the 2000s, feel free to hang out here, have a good day/evening/night, whatever time it is in your time zone ☆

alright i’m curious, what’s your cinderella hate essay

i got 2 asks for this and i dont want to disappoint The People…

also im putting this under a readmore because it got too long. im sorry for ranting about jojo's bizarre adventure. can you forgive my sins....

TLDR; cinderella (stand) is a love potion, love potions are nonconsensual and not compelling. it rips koichi of his free will, and yukako is able to manipulate him, without any pushback or consequences. there's no growth!!! araki still cannot write women!!!

also aya sucks too. cringe episode. cringe arc.

im so sorry for this incoming text wall

i think the first thing that's really important that i need to get out of the way first is that cinderella's ability IS a love potion. like straight up. and obviously love potion stories are creepy and unconsensual

when i say this, people tend to push back against the idea but its true. how else would you categorize it? koichi would not give yukako the time of day pre-cinderella, even for a second, and in the anime was even seen RUNNING AWAY FROM HER in fear when he saw her on the streets 😭.. and then, suddenly after yukako visits aya once, he is being kind to her. even worried about her. and willing to go to the cafe with her alone.

he is apparently so 'in love' with yukako that he decides to potentially GO BLIND FOR HER??? HUH??? these kids know NOTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER BTW!!! they have no common interests. in their first interactions, yukako thought he was a lying cheater who she needed to fix. and koichi literally hated her, and was terrified of her. she stressed him out so hard that he thought he killed his own stand

like, koichi is incredibly kind and forgiving, but literally nothing in their relationship changed so that he would be comfortable even being near her. its just too sudden. last time they were interacting, koichi was telling her that he hated her and complaining that she "never listens to anything [he says]". she has this pattern of ignoring his opinions and feelings... and it obviously didnt end in yukako falls in love.

also this line:

[Image ID: a picture of diu's official manga translation. aya tsuji is saying, "you're mistaken. in his heart, i'm sure that koichi has fallen in love with you. but his rational mind is still resisting you" /.End ID]

girl "his rational mind"??? you mean the mind that isn't attracted to her in any way.. who remembers the abuse, and how unwilling to change she is 😭

the existence of this arc erases any interesting character growth that yukako could have had. she goes from telling koichi that "i will make you love me, if i can't have you, i'll just kill you, you belong to me" etc etc etc, to "ok, maybe i don't need him after all" at the end of her initial episodes. and then suddenly she regresses back to "actually i do want him" and then she gets him, with no substantial growth on her end.

she isnt kidnapping him this time which is good i guess, but she continues to ignore koichi's free will and agency by "bending fate" so that they can be together. that's just not ok to me

but i think the reason why im so reactive to yukako's situation, and not someone similar like rohan, is that irl mangakas DON'T steal your memories for manga material (i'm pretty sure). but people ARE abused by their romantic partners. yukako's abuse is cartoonish, making koichi eat paper and erasers and building him an electric chair, but its still uncomfortable (especially considering she ends up with him in the end).

[Image ID: a cap from the jojo manga. yukako says, "and you'll thank me. you'll realize that you need me. you won't be able to go on living without me." koichi is sweating and looks shocked and angry /.End ID]

i also feel like people don't seem to take domestic abuse as seriously with women perpetrators. we girlbossify them instead. it all just feels so icky to me, i cant shake it.

everything is made worse by the fact that araki CANNOT!!! write women or f/m relationships well in early-mid era jojo. rohan, tamami and others in the koichi fanclub have clear character arcs, they get better. yukako just doesn't. or at least it isnt enough

aya tsuji is also a flop of a character as well.. i've never heard anyone talk about this, maybe just out of discomfort, but she seems like a predatory lesbian trope. there are a few scenes where she is touching yukako inappropriately or ogling her (and i know with araki's art, it's hard to remember, but she's 16!). it's honestly just so uncomfortable i hate it lol. it's a shame bc i love seeing stand users who aren't attacking the protags, and instead just use their stand for their jobs… but again. araki cant write women. at least women can actually have stands without dying now. but we are far from stone ocean... we'll get there eventually....

ok tbh i have more thoughts but i think for all of our sanity im going to end it here. also my browser glitched and deleted some of this so i wanna be done with it

listen. if you ship them thats fine, really i cant stop you, though i'd recommend thinking about the implications a little harder. yknow. maybe you could rewrite canon so its not incredibly creepy. bc araki flops sometimes and it is perfectly moral to correct him (i do it all the time!!!!!!!)

and for the people who make abuse jokes with them: you get no bitches. also tell your dad to stop calling me and sending me money, its really desperate and i already have enough boyfriends. its embarrassing

Optifine and reddit rant

I love using Optifine. I use it a LOT. And I mean a LOT

But since starting recording and using youtube, I also have a handful of mods I wanna use to make recordings better. Namely replaymod (the big one), boosted brightness (can be handy) and sometimes litematica (building)

1.19.3 I was able to use Optifabric to get Optifine working alongside the few mods I used, and it was great! Love being able to get the best of both worlds!

Come the next optifabric update, optifabric is now incompatible with replaymod. As it wasfor the next update. And 1.20. And 1.20.1. And so on. The mod I use the most is incompatible

So I start scouring the internet. Looking to see if anyone has a solution, has figured out a way to fix the incompatibility

And all I see??? Is reddit threads where people's only response is

"Optifine sucks lol stop using it and use sodium"

No help anywhere. Just the same "optifine is ass" "if you're still using optifine in 2023 you need to get with the times" "just use sodium *link to optifine alternatives*"

Now I have a number of problems with this attitude

The people making these original reddit posts are asking for help with optifine. They wanna use Optifine. They do not want to be told to use A DIFFERENT MOD. If I'm asking how I can get apples, I don't want you telling me to just get oranges, okay????

To get the same functionality that you have in Optifine. YOU HAVE SO INSTALL SO MANY GOSH DARN FREAKING MODS!!! Like seriously at least like 15 to get the same functionality you'd get from installing ONE thing

In the same vein of the mod thing, people's attitudes about it SUCKS because they act like this is an easy solution and "just get alternative mods lol". Hey hey you wanna know something fun? If I want to update Optifine to 1.20.2 from 1.20.1, I have to install one thing. It's great! If I want to update sodium with optifine alternatives? I HAVE TO REINSTALL LIKE 15 DIFFERENT MODS. PER UPDATE.

Now, I know what you're gonna say, "Random it's only once per update its not that much of a hassle" it really is??? Like it's irrtating for one, and for two if I wanna use MULTIPLE instances of minecraft? Oh gosh forbid I wanna do that and I have to juggle 3 sets of the 15 mods around in my mod folder

I literally have like 4 seperate "Unused mods" folders in my unused mod folder, and even with this seperation its STILL really confusing to move mods in and out and is a freaking hassle and a halve

Of course I'd still have to move things out with using optifabric, but I'll take having to move 2 files (Optifine and optifabric) in and out over FIFTEEN

Its literally EVERY comment I see on these threads is "Just don't use optifine lol" like as if its the easy win win solution that is less hassle or some crap. And it isn't!!!

Not to mention, I don't WANT to use sodium! I don't care if its "better", I don't like the interface, I hate having like 15 mods in my mod folder, and I LIKE OPTIFINE. Call me freaking old fashioned if you want I don't care, the freaking attitude of "just dont" is so infuriated when I'm tryna research if ANYONE has a solution

If you see one of those posts and wanna comment "just dont use optifine" seriously do not. It helps nobody. And your alternative frankly sucks butt and is way more inconvinient. If you don't have an actual solution to the problem people are having, DONT COMMENT your "solutions"

Just talking into the void at this point 😅 Anyone, if you see and want to talk, cool, but also feel free to ignore this post, I just need to vent a little.

To no one person in particular... sometimes 8 just cant stand people. I have had my project car for a little over a year and a half now, got it like May 2022. I was told by everyone that they coukd and would help me get it on the road, otherwise I would never have touched something so outside of my ability. Fast forward to now, Ocotber 2023. I have gotten about 2 things done to the car out of the probably like 50 things that need to be done before it is on the road again. About 3 weeks ago I finally got a confirmed "everyone is out" basically so here I am, no help, and an unfinished car. No problem, its all on me, fine. Then its time for everyone to PISS OFF. No advice, no suggestions, no 2 cents, you all had your chance, so get out of the fuckin' way.

I call around, talk to a few shops, find one I feel comfy with that has a guy over 50 who knows about older cars. Not some young 22 year old saying "I can look at your 1967 car!" 🙄 No junior, I am good, I will go with the mechanic who used to work on these when they started in the industry. Tenatively set up an appointment to drop off the car and have them give it a once over and tell me what it will take to be DRIVEABLE. I wanted to take the week and think about a few things and make a list of the issues I knew of with the car before saying a final "yes" to getting it looked at. (There is a post buried on my blog with a little more info on the car if curious. It does have some tags like 1967 dodge etc, I think?)

Anywho, here is where I make my mistake. I start to mention on Monday and Tuesday, in passing, to 2 of the people (the ones who were supposed to help me) about finally making progress with the car and bringing it to a shop. Friday I called and confirmed the appointment, hammer dropped. Car will go there, Tag, you are it, tell me what I need to get it running when I drop it off. Hand clap, I am done. Ahhh, bliss... Now, all weekend, everyone is texting me again offering advice (something I asked for and was basically given 🤷‍♂️ as the answer from everyone before they bowed out) and telling me what shop to bring it to, or "let me call so and so and see if they have any ideas" or "you really should do this BEFORE you get the car running as it could damage the engine if not" 😑😶 . . . Like what the F U C K. SERIOUSLY? 😶 Now, now, NOW is when everyone crawls out of the wood work and wants to second guess things that I had discussed, in detail with them, for them only now to say there is a possible problem with the order of things I was trying to get the work done in?? 😵‍💫🤯🥴 I was basically seething when the last person I clearly told "dont call anyone, I am all set, I do not need to owe anyone any favors or anything. I am good. Dont worry about it" That donkey told me today "oh, I reached out to that guy who doesnt do this any more, that you told me to leave alone, and I told him you asked me to reach out to him to see if he would be interested in helping." Literally do the thing he always tells eveyone he doesnt do anymore cuz it is a pain and he doesnt want to? Wow, thanks... after I told you NOT to? Sweet...

So, yeah, kinda bullshit at everyone who told me they were done with helping but now has all kinds of advice and shit. Piss off, donkeys, I really cant wait to have this beast on the road and just drive by knowing the only thing they all did was slow me down from driving her sooner. And to smash the gas and light up the tires while they sit their with their kids in the family minivans. 🖕🏻

Ok, I am doing ranting into the void. At least for this matter.

Again, not really looking for nor expecting comments or whatever. Just needed to vent