Next on the can I ship them list:

Britt and Jamie cuz GIRLS IN LOVE WE NEED MORE GIRLS IN LOVE OMFG

I’ve been struggling for a long time (almost 5 years now) over whether or not I’m trans. At this point I’m think I might be, but I’m terrified of loosing all the stuff I love about womanhood. The friendships, the clothes, but mainly being able to call myself a lesbian.

I think I really need to confront my gender, but I don’t know if it’s worth loosing all of these things that mean the world to me, advice?

fun fact: you don’t have to lose any of those things to be trans!

your friendships don’t have to change. sure, if you get to a point where you pass as a guy / are seen as not-a-girl in some way, new people might treat you differently and approach friendship with you differently, but the friendships you already have won’t have to change at all. absolutely nothing about my friendships changed when i came out; there’s no way of being friends that’s exclusive to women. and if a friend does treat you differently just because you’re trans? that’s on them, and it honestly might be a sign that you’re better off without them anyway.

you can wear all the same clothes you do now. my wardrobe hasn’t changed at all since i came out. i’ve always chosen my clothes just based on what is most comfortable for me, so i’ve been perfectly happy keeping all of my old clothes. my body and the way other people see me were the things i felt the need to change, not my clothes. i might not have the most masculine wardrobe ever, but it’s what i’m comfortable in and that’s the important part. if anything, being trans just expanded my wardrobe instead of changing it — i kept wearing all the things i always liked, but i also started to look in the men’s section and found even more things that i like wearing.

and you don’t have to stop calling yourself a lesbian just because you’re trans. it’s one thing if being trans also means the label doesn’t feel like it fits anymore, but if it still feels right? you can keep using it as long as you like. nonbinary lesbians and transmasc lesbians and lesboys and trans men whose love for women still feels gay and people whose only remaining connection to womanhood is the fact that they’re lesbians and multigender people who are lesbians because of their womanhood while also being other genders and people whose genders are just butch or femme or dyke and nothing else all absolutely exist, as do trans guys who don’t personally call themselves lesbians anymore but remain part of the community because it still just feels like their home; you’d be far from the first person to transition while holding onto an identity that’s still meaningful to you, even if it sounds contradictory to other people.

i’ve gone through similar processes of trying to reconcile newly discovered parts of my identity with the parts i’d already accepted, and you’d be surprised how often the answer to the dilemma is just “i guess i’m both, unless/until i decide one of them doesn’t feel right anymore.” i don’t talk a lot about my specific identities on here but they’re full of so-called contradictions. the thing about queerness is that it’s never been about making our identities “make sense” or “sound right” to other people. queerness is automatically looked down on by most people as wrong or unnatural or confusing or just completely unintelligible, and the job of queer people is not to make them more intelligible but to embrace them despite the fact that most people think we’re ridiculous for doing so. the only person your identity has to feel right to is you; no one else matters.

any shift in identity is going to feel like a massive change when your old identity is one you lived in for a long time and grew attached to, but being a big change doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a loss. of course, if it feels right to let go of some of the old to make room for the new, do that, but never feel obligated to do so. if you aren’t ready to let go of something associated with your old identity yet, let those things stick around while you welcome the new stuff in and see how they get along. you aren’t on any kind of timeline; you can take the transition slow and only let go of things once you feel absolutely sure that they aren’t serving you anymore, even if that means never letting go of some of the things other people say you should want nothing to do with. some of us are happiest when we embrace identities and ways of moving through the world that make absolutely no sense to anyone but us.

so my advice is this: don’t run away from this. it’s not fair to yourself to live your entire life in a limbo space of perpetually agonizing over your identity but never doing anything about it. the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to explore these feelings in their entirety, rather than only focusing on the things they might take away from you. i know it’s scary, but i guarantee you’ll come out happier on the other side no matter what you end up identifying as. knowing more about how you want to be seen and how you want to live life is only going to help you be more satisfied with the life you’re living — you can’t be happy if you never give yourself the space to learn what being happy means for you.

if, at the end of it all, you do end up letting go of some of the things you feel attached to now, it’ll only be because you found something that makes you even happier and feels even more right. and if you don’t? you can live the rest of your life holding onto all of the things you love about womanhood without actually/entirely/only being a woman! there are no rules; gender and queerness have no limits except for the limits of how far you’re willing to go to truly know yourself.

love, there’s no such thing as a “bi lesbian.” someone can’t be bi and a lesbian. Coming from a lesbian myself it just doesn’t happen that way. Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men. It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.

Let’s take this apart separately, shall we?

“There’s no such thing as a Bi Lesbian”

Tell that to all the Bi Lesbians that follow me, and like my posts, and request for posts.

Tell that to the Bi Lesbians I reblog from and talk to occasionally.

Tell that to the older queers that identify as Bi Lesbians.

I guess apparently they don’t exist then. 🤷

“Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”

Ah, this is a very popular one on this blog that I keep getting. I could link you to those, but I won’t. Here’s some ways you can be Bi and a Lesbian at the same time:

Biromantic Homosexuals

Homoromantic Bisexuals

Bi people who label themselves as Lesbians, to reclaim queer history. Because ALL Sapphics, regardless of if they were attracted to men or not, were referred to as Lesbians.

Bi people may also label themselves as Lesbians to reclaim being called a Lesbian by Biphobes trying to get them to pick one.

Bi people who lean more towards women, may call themselves Bi Lesbians.

Abroromantics/Abrosexuals may label themselves as Bi Lesbians because their orientation only swings back and forth between those two.

“Coming from a Lesbian myself, it just doesn’t happen that way.”

Well, for the second part, “It doesn’t happen that way”, just go back to the previous comments on “Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”. It does and can happen.

Now for the first part “Coming from a Lesbian myself”. I hear this a lot. Not just from Lesbians, not just from queer people, but people of all different communities, one thing I hear all the time is “Coming from a [Blank] myself”. You need to understand that you are not the only Lesbian on earth. And Lesbians are not a hive-mind. You’re not all the same, and you’re not all going to have the same opinions. If that were the case, all Lesbians would look, talk, act the same way, and have the same views. But you don’t, because you’re not a hive-mind. Simply implying that all people of the same sexuality should have the same opinions is wrong. Believe it or not, I’ve seen all different kinds of lesbians who were Pro-Mspec Lesbian, who were Anti-Mspec Lesbian, and were neutral on Mspec Lesbians. And if all Lesbians had the same opinions, you would not be separated on these different opinions.

“Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men.”

Being Bi means that you could just about like any gender. It doesn’t just mean both, as in men and women. Bi people could definitely just be attracted to women and men, but they’re also Bi people attracted to all different kinds of genders under the Nonbinary umbrella.

As for being a Lesbian, it means that you’re attracted to women and Nonbinary people. And if we can agree on that, we also have to agree that there are other Nonbinary genders where one identifies as a woman AND a man, that you may also be attracted to. Saying that Lesbians don’t like men excludes Multigender people. Even if that’s not how you mean for it to sound, I can tell you that a lot of Multigender people feel that way.

Also, a common misconception is that Non-Men and Non-Women is okay to use for Gay and Lesbian definitions. It’s not. What you probably didn’t know, is that the terms have racist origins. Black and indigenous queer people have literally been talking about this since this definition was coined. “Non-Men” and “Non-Women” are terms that have been historically used to describe the degendering of black people.

Forcing these terms for queer definitions is Anti-Black, I could forgive you if you didn’t know that and stop using those definitions after now knowing the origins.

But if you still use these definitions even after knowing this, congratulations! You’re racist! Pretty sure there was a book about this, “Bad faith and anti-black racism” by Lewis R. Gordon.

“It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.”

Mspecs have just as big a part in Lesbian history as Lesbians.

All sapphics were Lesbians regardless of if they liked men.

The term “Bi Lesbian” has been around since the 70s. I’d like to see you try and tell an older queer Bi Lesbian, that they’re “mocking” Lesbians and that their sexuality isn’t real. They probably accomplished more than you have in your entire life, because you want to fight with people on queer labels that you think are and aren’t valid because apparently no queer identity is acceptable unless you agree with it.

Love, wether you like it or not, Bi Lesbians and even male Lesbians have always existed and will continue existing. And they don’t need your permission to be themselves.

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (review/rec)

Genre: Fantasy

My rating: 9/10

I feel like Tumblr is well aware of these books already, but I figured it was a solid start as any.

Carry On and its subsequent books was such a pleasant surprise! Years ago, I had read Fangirl, another book by Rowell. And I loved it! I also recommend that one, but there are no LGBTQ+ characters or themes from what I remember. In it, the main character, Cath, was writing a fanfic from her favorite book series from childhood, Simon Snow. Simon Snow evidently involved a teenage boy named Simon whom attended wizarding school. Oddly, some sort of event or disaster would happen at this school every year, with Simon and his friends (but mostly Simon), being at the center of it. Simon would appear to be some sort of “chosen one”. Sound familiar?

Carry On, is the fanfic that Cath was working on. From Fangirl, we already knew that it followed Simon through his last year at wizarding school and that Cath possibly made the best enemies to lovers story known to the world of fanfiction. I actually avoided reading Carry On for a long time because I usually really hate Harry Potter fics. Not to mention that I thought it was going to be a lot like other spin-off books that end up just being boring. Eventually, out of desperation to find more queer stories, I caved, and I found out that my assumptions were absolutely wrong. It turns out that Cath really did write an excellent enemies to lovers story!

The characters are extremely relatable, and over the series we get to see how these characters develop from teenagers to young adults. I love that we also get to see how they react emotionally to the things that have happened to them as well. Unlike a lot of Chosen-One stories where the main trio can just take on challenge after challenge and make it out seemingly unfazed, it feels like Carry On pulls back the curtain on what these sorts of characters would actually be dealing with after facing huge, life-altering events. I’d like to say more here, but I’m afraid that I will spoil them!

The world of Simon Snow is also pretty hilarious. Every once in a while, Rowell will seemingly poke fun at Harry Potter’s plot holes or stupid rules. These books had me laughing when it didn’t have me in Deep Introspection Mode. What with its tongue-twisters of spells taken from nursery rhymes and the main villain being named “The Insidious Humdrum”. That being said, while Carry On perhaps has its roots in Harry Potter, it is a complete story in its own right. Instead of being about the up-and-coming Chosen One and the chaos that ensues, Carry On is more-so about how people can and do move on and grow after their world was turned upside-down. Most Chosen-One stories, and really most young adult fiction books, end with high school, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the Rowell gave Simon and his friends a future beyond just high school. I love how she shows how at every age there are new challenges to face. Life goes on beyond high school!

Of course, I don’t want to forget the reason that these books have made it onto my blog! Where is the gay content!? The main characters, Simon and Baz fall in love, and it’s adorable. Simon doesn’t realize at first that he may be into men, so he has to have a bit of self-discovery there. Meanwhile, Baz thinks he’s pining for a straight boy who could never fall in love with his enemy and rival and hates vampires, like him. It’s like if Malfoy and Harry were to fall in love, except Malfoy actually has some redeeming qualities and proves that he’s quite nice. I feel like this comparison still doesn’t do Simon and Baz justice though. Rowell also shows the awkwardness between first loves and how it may not always be smooth sailing throughout the books. In addition, I have a headcanon that Penelope, another one of the main characters, may be somewhere on the demiromantic and/or demisexual spectrum.

If your in the mood for laughing, some crying (or both at once), discussions about change, and the feeling that you just want to reach into the books to give a hug to people that don’t exist I highly recommend the Simon Snow trilogy.

There’s something about Nettles that I don’t quite understand- what does the privilege of innocence mean? I’m having a little trouble because what exactly is she guilty of? Bad taste in men?

If I’m being honest, her being Black is the real reason why they don’t think she’s innocent/worthy of being included in the show/worthy of being in a romantic relationship with the “main guy.” Daemon is crazy as hell, but he’s “desirable” so they’ve deemed Nettles unworthy of him and want to pass her off to lame rejects, ahem Jace ahem non-existent Daeron, or say she's a lesbian * when she’s not 😒

I really hate sounding like a broken record at this point, but 99% of the sh*tty discourse surrounding her would go away and she’d be seen as a worthy, an innocent(cause yeah she hasn't done anything bad), and worthy of love if she were white.

Nettles isn’t the first victim of being treated like crap and unnecessarily hated by a fandom for the crime of existing. It’s quite common for Black women characters because people have very little empathy for Black women(and girls). In real life, they have a hard time believing we are innocent or seeing our worth which extends over into fiction. If someone doesn’t believe me take a look at this video(it’s a bit long, but it’s highly entertaining, informative, and relevant given how some people also try to deny that Nettles is Black in the first place 🫠 )

*There is nothing wrong with being gay or being in a same-sex couple, but I’ve seen enough fandoms(and it's getting more common) try to push this on straight Black(ish) women characters because they don’t want her to be with the main guy. It’s racism disguised as progressivism because most people know it looks extremely bad to say “I don’t want my fave with a Black woman” so this is a way to escape the racism charges without outright seeming like a racist.

Hell look how people harp on the show not showing Rhaenyra and Laena 🙄while completely ignoring the fact that they screwed over her relationship with Daemon. They don’t care about the first relationship either(see how they treat Rhaeicent) they just don’t want Laena to be the focus of Daemon’s affections.

hi ging i know this is totally not the place for unsolicited asking for advice so totally ignore this ask if it’s the wrong place to be doing this BUT in short i’m having an identity crisis yay!!! up until very recently i though i was just a very very supportive ally, eg when homophobic things were said around me i was personally offended but was just like noooo i’m just a huge ally i’m not gay!! i love love munagenius, and not just in a “i wanna be friends with all of them!” way, i’ve had crushes on girls irl, but have just pushed them deep deep down and i’m attracted to them and i would date a girl and AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SO GAY LIKE I SHOULDNT EVEN BEEN QUESTIONING BUT FOR SOME REASON IM IN DENIAL. it’s like i almost don’t feel gay enough? literally nobody knows because i like men (unfortunate i know) and have been in “straight” relationships all my life. i know nobody but me can tell me if i’m queer or not like this is my shit to deal with but maybe i just needed somewhere to dump my feelings anonymously :p

hi baby!

this is a safe space, you’re always allowed to ramble in my inbox (that goes for all of you!)

i can’t, in earnest, sit here and write, “well if you like girls and you would date a girl, you’re queer,” because i know first hand that it’s not that easy

i was right where you are not that long ago, and i hope i can use my experiences to give you some guidance?? without making it sound like it’s all about me??

we had very similar experiences, i’ve ALWAYS had crushes on women but never realized they were crushes, i was like “no i just want to be their best friend” or “i admire them soooo much,” or “i wish i looked like them” — and while those are totally normal thoughts to have, i also actively was pushing down the idea that i, as in me ginger, could be queer, i didn’t know what queer meant and i didn’t even know that bisexuality was a thing when i was young

i had a MAJOR identity crisis actually like right before i started posting on here consistently, if you look at my tumblr in the very beginning it was literally all “insert male celebrity x reader” because i did not allow myself to look at content that i was not “queer enough” for

denial is something i ALSO went through, i can’t tell you how many times my best friends (both queer) had to talk me down about WHY i was getting so worked about about labeling myself or feeling confused about liking girls, trying to find the root of why i wouldn’t allow myself to say i was queer or even curious about my sexuality

obviously accepting yourself is hard, right? it’s challenging an idea about yourself that is different from what you’ve always known yourself. i struggled so much with this because, like you sweet anon, i was always straight and nobody knew otherwise

self acceptance/no longer being in denial is also hard because there’s so many factors. one of the biggest factors for me was i was living in an environment at the time where queerness was NOT fully accepted, i know that i was going to be unsafe (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) if i had come out. (i eventually did to one of my family members and it worked out but most of them still don’t know)

one of my other things when not feeling queer enough was like “well i haven’t had a lot experiences with women so i can’t really be queer,” and my best friend literally was like “do you tell children who identify as queer that they aren’t because they haven’t kissed anyone?” and i said “of course not!” and he sat there and let me think about it… and then was like “well yeah, see how stupid that sounds? you’re not LESS queer because you don’t have experience, like maybe it’s more intimidating for you, but it doesn’t make you less”… and it’s something i still think about all the time

i know i’m rambling and i’m kinda jumping around but something you need understand and sit with is you don’t HAVE to label yourself! the biggest reason i hadn’t come out (combined with above) is because i couldn’t label myself, i didn’t feel queer enough for any label.

i ended up (after truly months) coming out as bi (not even officially, i just started referring to myself as bisexual and posting stuff on instagram and creating my own lil community) because like you anon, i unfortunately like men😪 (even though i am actively only dating women/nb at the moment, don’t dissect this too much i am still in my identity crisis)

i guess what i am trying to saaaaay is be patient with yourself, you are queer enough, even if you’re just questioning (although it sounds like you were where i was and you’re def not but i can’t tell you that). as long as you are entering this space respectfully and your intentions are pure, you have nothing to worry about sweet anon.

working to get over the “my whole life is going to change” and turning it into “my whole life is going to change!!!” is a way to help with this identity crisis. any change is hard, change is super scary, but as long as you’re in a place where you are safe and healthy, living authentically, even if confused, is so much better than feeling trapped and trying to work through it alone.

i hope this makes sense, i am obviously oversimplifying a lot of the issues of coming out or identifying yourself, i am very privileged that most of my life hasn’t changed since i have come out, and i know it’s not always the easiest/safest for people

i love you sweet anon! my inbox is always open - so are my messages :)

So I’ve been watching the wank about Deborah Chow referring to Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship as a “love story dynamic” through Episodes 1-6, and how she hopes to channel that in the series. 

“For me, across the prequels, through the original trilogy, there’s a love-story dynamic with these two that goes through the whole thing,” Chow said in the interview with Vanity Fair. “I felt like it was quite hard to not [include] the person who left Kenobi in such anguish in the series… What’s special about that relationship is that they loved each other.”

Well, first things first.... calling Obi and Ani's dynamic a "love story" in an official interview is clearly intended as a non-sexual one. I would go further to say it's not romantic in our modern definition, but would likely fit into "Arthurian romance" with themes of adventure, courtly (chaste) love, and chivalry. 

It's interesting to me how the anti-Disney rightwing are REALLY focusing on it as a “gross gay groomer” thing. Bigots and homophobes are using the very idea of Obi and Ani loving eachother as some proof that Disney is “encouraging grooming” and using it to fuel their current boycott.

Meanwhile... anti-shipper, pro-censorship, pro-harassment types are either claiming “people who ship Obikin don't understand Chow meant it to be familial! freaks are taking it wrong!" or they’re taking it literally as the rightwingers are and saying “this is disgusting, I can’t believe they’re making this gross shit canon”. They’re just as furious as the rightwingers, despite being ostensibly left and many of them being queer themselves.

However... it's OBVIOUS TO ME that what Chow said about the story is absolutely true, but it's about these men loving one another PURELY, CHASTELY, NOBLY.

There is actually no way that Chow intended it to mean a sexual romantic relationship. I firmly believe this simply fits along with the recent trend of marketing things as “bromance” or “unconventional love story” between stuff like buddy cop stories, to get clicks and sound like they’re skirting the edge of things, when all they’re doing is showing men loving eachother AS FRIENDS. Which is great as a CONCEPT. You should love your friends!

Is it fun to go "HAHA THE CREATORS SHIP IT! OBIKIN WINS. OBIKIN CANON"? HECK YES. BECAUSE I SHIP IT! BECAUSE IT’S A GREAT DYNAMIC. (my definition of “ship it” is “I simply enjoy thinking about their relationship, and the many permutations of it, specifically in a romantic/sexual way. I don’t particularly care if it becomes canon and I don’t want to pressure the studio to do it, and I also am not a tinhatter, as in I don’t think they wrote it intending to be that way. Well, Matthew Stover’s book is borderline... but I digress.)

Do I actually believe they're going to make them queer and IN LOVE with eachother? Of course not. Like, literally, they NEVER intend that. And I won’t be disappointed! I like the canon relationship AS IT IS! But watching people get bent out of shape and super homophobic and calling people names and attack others over this is wild.

It’s canon that Obi-Wan cares deeply for Anakin, and if you look at the movies 1-6 arc alone, it’s really evident that their relationship as it exists is VERY IMPORTANT for the entire Star Wars narrative. Obi-Wan ignores the warning signs of Anakin going darkside because he’s attached. He cares about Anakin. He’s BIASED, and he’s a Jedi and they’re supposed to be above attachment, above bias. Meanwhile, when Anakin is manipulated into thinking that Padme and Obi-Wan were having an affair or conspiring or keeping secrets or turning Padme against Anakin... Anakin is SO DEEPLY HURT by that because he trusts Obi-Wan. He loves Obi-Wan and he is sure Obi-Wan feels the same. The betrayal is so much worse because he trusted him, loved him.

The script and novels make it more overt, since we can’t see what’s inside a characters mind onscreen, but it’s still there.

Obi-Wan goes to Tatooine to watch over Luke, Anakin’s son. He does this out of love. Once again, it’s NOT SEXUAL LOVE. Not in the canon. But simply saying they love eachother isn’t sexual, and I’m sick of people getting hostile over it.

I’m very intrigued to watch the upcoming show, because making sure the canon love is expressed there as PART of the reasons for the anguish sounds like a REALLY COMPELLING story.

(I love that she said ANGUISH, I want these men to SUFFER)

I got a low score on my exam 😞 and I dropped my grade down like it's not my fault I'm dyslexic this is why I like math more it's easier. Also, I got a new doctor for now cause my doctor is on holiday and I don't like them I felt very off. Also is it weird that I'm scared to shave like I've always been big on hygiene and grooming is sort of big for me I'm more on the hairy side but I do trim not too much but enough but I'm scared to go anywhere near my private parts cause I'm scared I will get botched. Also, I kinda miss my dog Pongo it's very close to his death anniversary I miss the little pup. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't know what. I feel like I'm gonna be single forever sometimes I love both aspects of a relationship romantic and sexual but it is very hard for me to feel relief from the sexual aspect like I'm never satisfied which sucks I've never had many partners cause I'm more of an in it for the long run type of guy so I only ever had 2 partners and one of them was non-sexual cause we never reached that part. Not only that but I get sad cause I want to have a family of my own someday but I can't cause I like guys and guys can't get pregnant I also want to live on a nice farm or modern cabin someday while having an apartment or house in the city. But I have been going to the gym mainly to build muscle cause I used to be a twig.

- ❤️‍🔥

Sugar I am so sorry your grade dropped but please don’t beat yourself up! Dealing with dyslexia isn’t easy. I’ve always known what dyslexia is but it wasn’t until I was peer grading another classmates paper that I realized that y’all have it fucking hard.

When it comes to doctors I know it isn’t easy to pick and choose your health care professionals but I’d be like ok does this doctor listen to my needs does this doctor help me as long as those boxes are ticked that’s all it matters bc I assume you’ll only meet them limited amount of times? Either way just make sure the doc is doing their job

In terms of shaving there are tutorials on tiktok on how to shave down there I unfortunately didn’t save the video bc this was months ago but I know there’s a YouTuber who does shaving tutorials !!

He went viral for shaving his ass on camera but he genuinely gives good shaving / hygiene advice !

Is it okay to ask when pongo passed away? You see my moms death anniversary is March 28 and I’m sure she’ll happily arrange a party for him 😌

But the loss of a pet isn’t always easy and I know it’s not like losing a relative so I’m giving you all the kisses and hugs and wishing you sm strength and love!!!

The feeling about doing something wrong but not knowing what it is, it’s a very common feeling!! It can be that we have a lot of expectations and goals bubbling under the surface and it feels like we could be doing so much more but I’m genuinely not being cheesy when I say that being alive is enough like I promise you with everything in me

In terms of relationships,a tip I do have is to wait with the sex, yes you’re in it for the long haul but meet as many people as possible without trying to make it sexual

One day you’ll meet someone you click with and whatever you do will become so much more elevated because you’ve spent time getting to know each others likes and dislikes etc

Also sugar it’s very much possible nowadays for gay men to have a family! You can have surrogate you can adopt! There are so many ways!

Also you sound just like my dad his dream is to retire and live on the country side!

Also hello let’s go!! I’ve started going to the gym as well I even have a personal trainer to keep me accountable 😭

I've been a fan of GO since I was 12 (I'm now 28) and read the book so many times it fell apart as a teen - but for some reason, I never connected with the TV version. Just never vibed with it, can't explain why. Maybe because it was Terry Pratchett I always loved and his magic felt like it was missing from it, leaving mostly NG's influence (who I don't like but that's a long story). So I feel no excitement for series 2, and that kind of bums me out because 12 year old me loved it so much.

Are there many reasons to be excited for s2? Are you?

I’m unfortunately one of the people who saw the TV series first, then read the book, so I didn’t experience the sort of hesitance about the series somebody who came from the book might. I personally love the series, and also love the book! But I can see why you weren’t the biggest fan of the series. It definitely feels like it lost a bit of Terry’s touch. I’ve said before that this worries me for season 2, because at least with season 1 Neil was working with a complete book he’d written with Terry. Now he’s on his own. I mean, it sounds like they’ve had conversations about what a second book or season would entail…but that’s very different from actually writing it together.

Personally, I feel a whole lot of things about season 2. I feel excited, because I love the story and characters and want more. But I’m also very nervous, because it could easily go wrong. Sometimes things are best left alone…and season 1 ended on such a lovely note and had so much closure, that I’m not sure how a season 2 would fit into it. I do worry that this will be one of those cases of the sequel not being as good as the original, just because the original was so good.

And of course, I’m worried that the fandom’s homophobia that Neil has eagerly endorsed will seep its way into the show. But I’m hoping it won’t, because as much as I don’t like Neil, he seems to know how to draw a line between canon and headcanons. What it looks like to me, is he’s had his ideas set in stone for years, and is just agreeing with fandom to get clout. But his ideas are still his ideas and he won’t let them get changed by the fandom…both for creative reasons and legal reasons. So I hardly think he’ll be like “you know what, I didn’t even know what ‘asexual demiromantic genderfluid nonbinary’ meant until yesterday, but I’m going to have my characters come out as it in season 2! It’ll be great!”.

The fandom has been an issue for me for a while. They’re comically sexist and homophobic, and being a lesbian that means it’s just not the place for me. So I stay away from larger fandom as much as possible, because I have no interest in seeing “progressive” takes about why actually it’s bad for the two male characters to be in love, and why actually Crowley’s a woman if he has long hair.

But I wouldn’t let the fandom ruin your enjoyment of the show. Ultimately, it’s just the fandom. There’s so many things that are great but have insufferable fandoms…and it’s not a reflection on the work, but rather just a reflection of the people who are the loudest fans (which are always going to be young people since that’s who fandom is mainly populated by, and young people right now are caught up in gender ideology). Watching the show, then seeing what these fans think of it, really just shows you that they’re hardly fans of the show, and are more accurately fans of the story they’ve created in their heads that’s loosely inspired by the show. So try to disconnect the fandom from the show, because they’re entirely different.

The fact is, fandom’s always been insanely homophobic because it’s populated by straight women who fetishise gay men. It’s just now they’ve found a new way to be homophobic (gender ideology) and they’ve found a way to play with it (a show with non-human characters and a magic system). The fandom doesn’t say as much about GO as it does about fans eagerly waiting for the first opportunity to be homophobic.

I’d encourage you to hang around the gender critical corner of the fandom. It makes the experience so much more enjoyable when you know you’re safe from homophobia and sexism and general clownery.

I’m very excited to be able to watch the new season and be able to talk about it with people who I know won’t shun me for calling Crowley a “he” in a scene where he has long hair, and who I can trust to not be homophobic and not shut down my concerns about baiting because “it’s still queer!!! Shut up cis gay!!! Not everything’s about you!!!”.

In short, yes, I’m excited about season 2. More accurately, I’m cautiously optimistic. Because I know that whatever happens, it’s still more of something I love dearly, and that I’ll have people to gush about it to who I don’t have to be wary around.

i’m questioning my sexuality but i keep feeling like i don’t really belong anywhere.. i don’t want to date a man, ever, but i used to have fantasies about them in the past… and i see goldstars here on tumblr saying how real lesbians never question their sexuality, or on the opposite end lgbt activists saying lesbians are “non men attracted to non men” and that they can be attracted to trans women, which makes no sense… yeah i’m just really confused

We've gotten a lot of questions like this, and I'm a goldstar but also have struggled with similar questions myself. I know it can be frustrating to be unsure, and I know how hard it is to feel without community... I think the best advice I can give you is just to allow yourself to be yourself. If you never want to be with men, could never love a man, feel no attraction to men... That doesn't scream heterosexual attraction to me.

If you think you prefer women, but have been attracted to men in the past... Being bi or even febfem (female exclusive bisexual female) is a thing.

We've gotten a lot of questions like this, and I'm a goldstar but also have struggled with similar questions myself.

To me, it helps to think about sexuality as a morally neutral thing. Being lesbian, bi, or het, none of that is good or bad. It just is. It's also okay to be unsure, or even to think you're one thing and then find out you were wrong. Only you know how you feel, and who you're attracted to. Be patient with yourself, you don't have to have all the answers.

Respect yourself and your boundaries. What others think or say doesn't really change who you are.

I feel like gay men get a pass, no one questions them. I know gay men who have had sex with women, even often make out with women but call themselves gay, and no one says they're actually bi, or liars. I feel like men get so much more grace and confidence in their own sexuality, but as women we are made to constantly question ourselves.

What are your fantasies now? What do you want for the rest of your life? Who do you want companionhip from, who do you see yourself loving and cherishing and wanting love from? If the answer is only women... That sounds like a lesbian to me.

Hey - sorry if this is weirdly personal (on my end, that is!) but I’m a nonbinary trans masc individual. I’m an adult, I work and pay rent and get exhausted with property management companies when they won’t fix my broken heating system. I came out to my mother when I was 12-13 - although since I wasn’t online and didn’t have many friends who were either I didn’t know about the term nonbinary - and told her I ‘didn’t feel like I was a girl.’

I’m wanting to come out. Getting mis gendered everyday sucks, not being seen sucks and so much is outside my realm of control that this one little thing, to tell people ‘Actually I’m not a woman at all, here’s my pronouns and name thanks’ is the dream. It’s something I can conceivably do! Except I feel old. I feel old and on top of that I feel like I would lose a lot of my connections both personally and professionally. My unofficial job is doing video game and animation voice acting. The only people to whom I’m out irl are my cousin and one of the animators I work with. They’re lovely but they’re only two people. Lately my problems with gender have increased exponentially and the only gender therapist in my COUNTY said ‘Yes young women tend to distance themselves from their womanhood when they’ve been mistreated by men’ (I’m paraphrasing but I also don’t wanna be triggering, if you understand). And she wouldn’t help me. I don’t know what to do or if I should do anything at all! Technically I know there’s no wrong age to come out, but it feels like the more years I stay in the closet the harder it’s gonna be when I do - and I really want to, it’s chewing me up. I’m scared, I suppose, especially since I don’t “look” nonbinary/trans masc (according to my image issues and quite a few younger people I’ve met in the community who say I’ve got it easy since nobody knows I’m trans). I don’t know, I’m already rambling on enough. Do you have any advice, anything at all? I’ll take it. If not, totally get it, it’s a long winded message.

Either way, have a lovely evening and enjoy yourself. Cheers!

damn dude... i get a lot of messages like this and they really speak to me, because i was once a closeted transmasc nonbinary person from a very small rural area (the town i was born in/the towns i lived in afterward were all around 1,000 people in terms of population) itching and trying so hard to come out but not knowing where to start or what to do

i wanted to say that i'm very sorry that it's so hard for you to come out, especially considering that your job involves your voice. that must be so difficult. i was trying to get into voice acting before i transitioned and people were trying so hard to get me to record lines before i started T and it was causing so much dysphoria. i understand how hard that must be

this might sound really weird, but hear me out. if you aren't sure if you can socially transition, if you're not comfortable coming out to a group of friends or family or whatever yet, come out to yourself. whenever you're alone, do gender affirming things. do things in your spare time that allow you to be who you are. come out to any online friends that you have and be yourself with them, too, and be aggressive about using the correct name, identity and pronouns. i know coming out online isn't the same, but it helps when you are very adamant with it.

become comfortable with being your real self first. then you can show the people in your life who you really are. it'll be easier if you're confident when you come out. coming out as nonbinary is never easy, but if you have a good footing in who you are, and are referring to yourself by the correct name, pronouns, and presenting how you like, it'll be easy to imprint that on to others with confidence

i'd say try to find ANY queer peers in your area that you can. ANY within your age range, try to see if you can find a gay/straight, pride, or lgbt alliance, or see if there is a transgender resource center, or other transgender center. colleges will usually have some type of queer pride group and queer resources. if you are of the appropriate age, you can try to see if there are trans and drag events at local gay bars and work your way up from there. you may even have to reach out to neighboring bigger cities or even other states. i ended up moving across the country before i could have access to hormones and whatnot, to a much bigger city with a larger population.

my heart goes out to you, i hope you're able to find a way to transition that's comfortable and safe for you, that allows you to do what you need to do to achieve your happiness. if you need to take a break from your current line of work, i support that, but i also support not wanting to. you do need to do what's right for you in the end, whatever that means. i hope you can be a happier version of you, and let the world know who you are safely, and at a pace that works for you and your situation. take care, stay safe, hope to hear from you again!

Do you recommend anything for helping with internalized homophobia? Today I added the title of a folder "lesbian pride" and realised how much it scares me to actually call myself a lesbian. What if I'm bi??? Honestly one of the biggest intrusive thoughts whenever I even just wanna write "I'm a lesbian" because I used to id as bi, I rlly thought I was at first. Then I realised how much I don't actually like men. But it's weird because penis drawings don't irck me, so wtf. The thought of being with a real breathing man does though, that sounds awful.

But the problem is that I'm still young. I've been with nobody yet!!! I'm 18 tho, so not THAT young, yet what if I somehow fall for a man in the future, I just...

Maybe it sounds messed up, but I don't wanna suffer discrimination for it to be 'my fault' (not as in, I or any gay person deserves it, but in the way of making it more difficult for myself by myself) in the end. And more than anything, I'd also hate to prove homophobic relatives and people right.

For these reasons I don't call myself a lesbian. Nor do I call myself bi because it doesn't feel right. I just try to avoid refering to myself as a lesbian and write instead "I love women" or "I only love women" or "as someone who loves women"...

I don't want to do that though, I just want to get rid of this uncertainty and like. Stop feeling embarassed/afraid about it or whatever. I can't identify the feeling well.

being comfortable with calling yourself a lesbian or bisexual or whatever it is that you are often takes time and patience from my experience. when i first came out, i called myself “sapphic” or “gay” bc something about the word “lesbian” sounded so strong and scary to me. take your time tbh, maybe try it out here and there but don’t push too hard to use a certain term. if you’re uncertain of yourself still you can keep exploring your sexuality and figuring out your feelings. i wish sexuality were so black n white and we could just always know immediately bc it’d make things easier but it simply isn’t. being wrong is possible and i went thru a similar point as u, but after some time it becomes unavoidable really. like you’ll automatically come to the conclusion of “well… im x years old now. never been into a man. never been interested. still don’t find them attractive” and thus, calling yourself a lesbian is only rational. it’s also hard to have that confidence in your sexuality if you’re inexperienced, some ppl manage but ime most do not. i think you should give yourself time and don’t rush it too much, bc it often does come naturally, with time & experience & confidence.

also not being disgusted by a penis DRAWING isnt necessarily a reflection of your sexuality. i doubt most heterosexual women will have much of a reaction to vulva drawings. most straight men will draw dicks everywhere.

would you happen to know if nate stevenson ever confirmed glimmer & bow to be bi specifically (like she did with catra & adora being lesbians), or just not straight? don’t get me wrong, i know they’re bi4bi and i’m not dismissing that, but i’m just curious because i feel like if it wasn’t explicitly stated and they weren’t in a wlm/mlw relationship, everyone would be headcanoning glimmer as a lesbian and some would probably want bow to just be a butch lesbian too 😭😭😭 i’m not even saying it happens in this fandom cause idk tbh but i’ve seen it happen so many other times with bi sapphic characters (i.e. poision ivy ofc)

also like… this is probably gonna make #somepeople without proper reading comprehension mad just by misinterpretation of what i’m actually trying to say here but i often presume writers mean “lesbian” as in “sapphic” since the latter isn’t as well known — like, they use it as an umbrella term regardless of whether that’s (historically) correct or not. my prime example would be caitlyn and vi from arcane; i’m absolutely okay with them being lesbians and i’m not erasing that fact at all but i think it’s worth keeping in mind that they weren’t confirmed by riot to be exclusively homosexual/wlw/“nmlnm”/etc. even though they may or may not very well be (i personally agree that they are). it’s another case of the google dictionary being unreliable because it relies on uneducated cishet ideas of queerness + terms so it simply defines “lesbian” as “wlw” (not even inclusive of nonbinary people) and “sapphic” as “relating to lesbians” or something like that.

anyway! sorry for making this too long, i had some thoughts but ended up ranting lol

Nate said “definitely not straight” specifically! I know that’s not the same as saying word for word “they’re bisexual”, but within the context, of both the show, and how neither of them are gay/lesbian, neither of them are aroace, saying “not straight” confirms them to be bisexual!

IMO, since bisexuality is more common and is the blanket statement under pan, omni, poly, etc. when a character is shown to be attracted to 2+ genders, they’re canon bi- now it’s up to the writers or the context of the show to specifically state whether the character is pan or anything else under the bi umbrella :) and it’s the same way in real life! If you want to discuss being attracted to 2+ genders, you will sound bisexual, unless you specify you’re pan etc underneath the bi umbrella

And here are the sources!

I KNOWWW fandom wikia is a sh💕t source, but they actually have the livestream itself to back it up! (Warning: it’s 4 hours long lol)

Chase lmao Vi and Caitlyn ARE specifically confirmed to be lesbians, not just sapphic. They are indeed exclusively homosexual wlw. The riot and league of legends twitter page had them with the lesbian flag (the new one, like the orange, white, pink one) so yeah. And this is official art; not like that fanart of Bubbline with the lesbian flag that Cartoon Network used for some godawful reason when they’ve both (or at least Marceline, and possibly Bubblegum) shown attraction to men. You are right about how some people have no reading comprehension skills tho. Like when Willow Wilson said that the latest Poison Ivy run would be loved by fans of lesbian stories and a good portion of readers jumped on that and ran with it and said that Ivy is their “canon” lesbian like uh? Ivy who wants to touch Batman’s pecs Ivy? Ivy who dated (and liked) a boy in college Ivy? Like the discourse around her is just starting to become funny to me now tbh tbh

LOL who would be headcannoning Bow as lesbian? He showed attraction to Sea Hawk, not really open to interpretation, it was quite obvious. I have tho seen him be headcannoned as gay and like. He’s soooo in love with Glimmer that gay headcannon is tone deaf lol.

No need to apologize! You can rant to me anytime :)) Thanks for the ask Chase 💙💜

2/2 ‘BEN YOU SUCK! You suck so bad! Fuck you! Mike deserves better! What a piece of shit. Mike, dump him! Dump him hard!’ the Linds/Sam scene is up ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS FUCKING GALLERY?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?! WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS HAPPENING?! LINDSAY?! WHAT THE FUCK?! *looks at me* just so we’re clear. It’s not that shes fucking cheating with a dude…it’s just..WHY HIM?! Whats wrong with the blondie’s in this show? First Justin with that dude, now her with this pig. MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOP’ and we are back to Ben and his student ‘oh are you gonna cheat too?! What is going on over here?! BEN STOP KISSING HIM! (The guy reveals that he wants to be infected) WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS SHOW?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?? WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT THE FUCK? MAKE ALL OF THIS STOP!’ And we are finally back to Britin ‘look at Blondie making boner tea! *gasps and points to the tv* HE DRANK IT?! He actually drank it. I thought he’d get offended and angry and throw it. MY BABY IS GROWING UP AND CHANGING! Justin..i dont think it works that fast. (brian tells justin whats bothering him) wait. He’s actually sharing? His problems? He’s talking? With words? Not to sound like a broken record but MY BABY IS GROWING UP!’ And we are officially at the Deb/Joan scene ‘she’s praying for Brian. Oh that’s sweet. HE DOES HAVE THE BIGGEST HEART *he is once again tearing up* (joan pops up) what the fuck are you doing here bitch?! (Joan says at least we have our children) the fuck you do. You don’t have SHIT! NO DEBBIE DO NOT TELL HER! SHE DOESNT DESERVE TO KNOW. Fuck her.’ ‘I missed Emmett and Ted being best friends! This is so nice to see again! I missed them! Dont leave me ever again!’ ‘I swear every attempt they make to try and get Ben less boring, it fails. Because what kind of fuck shit storyline is this?!’ And Joan popped up on the screen ‘for fucks sake! What is she doing here? Brian, you shouldve kicked her out. HA she likes the name, brian pleaseeeeee tell her your boyfriend came up with it! PLEASE! Of course he’s not gonna let me have this (Brian says the maybe bc she loved him line) EXACTLY! And she loves you too. (Joan says she loves brian at that exact moment) not you, you bitch. You dont know love. Fuck you. Brian kick her out. DEBBIE TOLD?! THAT WAS NOT HERS TO TELL! WHAT THE FUCK DEBBIE! God’s plan? What the fuck is she saying? Shes saying that he has cancer because he’s gay? *looks at me* can i throw something at her? Please? If i break the tv, ill buy you a new one (the answer was obviously no to which he groaned like a child) FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH! (Joan says he can still change) he already has! He’s grown so much! BRIAN KICK HER OUT PLEASE! (Brian says he wants to be hard) *starts laughing like an idiot* tell her about the boner tea! Justin would’ve told her, that little shit. (Brian tells that one day in heaven line) poor baby. I want to hug him. Debbie, i wanna fight you so bad! Twice you did this to him! TWICE! What the fuck! Let kids ignore their shitty abusive parents if they want to! (brian realizes that he has a boner) look at god being an *makes fist* ally’ We are at the scene where Drew kisses Emmett and he just gasped and stared with his mouth opened. And back to Britin! ‘Is he looking for Blondie? Of course he is! LOOK AT THEM CELEBRATING A BONER!’ ‘Wait. Ben wrote a new book? Poor mike. Imagine reading your man basically cheated on you and then he gives it to you for an opinion’ unfortunately he only watched these two episodes because he had PT afterwards and then when we came back he was exhausted and went to lay down but let me tell you what also happened..

What is wrong with the blondies on this show? Indeed. They cheat with the worst men. Ever.

AND YES WHY THE FUCK DOES DEBBIE TELL JOAN? Stay the fuck out of Brian’s relationship with his parents.

HE HAS GROWN SO MUCH. Your brother really sees it. Sometimes I feel like I’m in this fandom echo chamber where we each recite the evidence that Brian changes because we want him to grow and change (for his own happiness, no one can tell me he was perfectly happy in the pilot) (and for the ship) but then that seemingly all disappears in S5 so I start to gaslight myself. A complete stranger seeing the series and seeing the changes is so validating. So thank you siblings Anon.

“look at god being an *makes fist* ally” Yes she is!

Look at them celebrating a boner!

I wanna know if possible: sexuality headcanons for the Uncle Frontier adults in your stories ? Izumi and Junpei are straight. The others? I want to know what they are like to the Kourantoto too. As uncles.

Hello, Anon! I don’t usually reply to these kinds of asks because I’m always afraid to be disrespectful about certain matters. Still, at the same time I don’t want to be rude and ignore an ask ahahha. So, I’ll try being very dry (a bit hard🤣q), but whatever….!

I’ll first talk about the sexualities!

• Takuya: Gay

I have been headcanoning he likes dudes since I watched the second Frontier episode and my thoughts intensified with the Tomoki’s nightmare episode. During these days I’ve been reminded writers didn’t keep themselves from giving both Takouji and Takunpei ✨ fantastic moments (yes, I ship both so hard, I’m not even sorry). They tried making him straight but they failed and it never worked before my eyes.

• Kouji: Bi

I believe he developed a preference over boys during the years, after having experimented dating girls (because in the drama it does sound like both him and Kouichi are popular among girls?). Like I’ve said many times, even if nowadays I ship Takunpei harder, I like headcanoning Kouji will get a little crush on Junpei in high school and it kinda lingers even after Kouji marries Takuya, then divorces him. Yet, Junpei only sees Kouji as a friend and also a brother at a certain extent, so…

• Tomoki: Ace

I used to see him as totally gay, but I frankly struggle to see Tomoki in any relationship somehow. Like, my most random ship ever is older Tomoki x Kouichi. It’s all due to some fanfictions really making it so nice to read about. Yet, I’ve landed on the ace territory for Tomoki, making him single and focused on his politician job like I think he would absolutely be.

• Kouichi: Het

Unlike Kouji, I headcanon him to absolutely prefer women over men, though. I’m not sure if he had a wife in my head before he died. Kouichi just gives me the vibes of someone who would get a perfect life as an adult, building his future very smoothly.

Yeah, maybe he definitely had a wife when he died.

-Switching to them as uncles (🤣🤣🤣 help me)

• Takuya is the cool uncle being a football star and making Kou get sparkles in his eyes. Kou wants to watch every football match featuring him and can get really sad whenever the teams Takuya is in lose. Takuya makes sure to send Kou lot of football gadgets whenever he can, from t-shirts to photos too, and I actually always draw Kou’s room to be full of football stuff. Not to forget Kou also plays football at school to be like Zio Takuya.

Still, I don’t think Takuya is the cool Uncle to Ran’s fantasies too. Ran can’t stand it when people treat Junpei badly, and let’s say Takuya and Junpei never lost their tendency to have intense brawls (now using italian swearing, why not🤣). Both have got their faults in the varied occasions, but Ran will always be convinced Papà has done nothing wrong and once she will also cry and shout at Takuya to leave Papà alone.

• Passing to Kouji, Ran is actually more affectionate to him than Kou, because Kou considers Kouji “lamer than Zio Takuya” , since he’s much calmer and isn’t that sociable at a first impact. Ran, instead, really loves listening to Kouji’s tales about his travels and Kouji will take a while to get used to her bursting curiousity. In truth, Kouji won’t find getting used to the kids that easy at first, despite having been a parent in the *cough* past (my Takouji having experiences🤣). He gets flustered at the kids being so excitable, so lively, so touchy, but Junpei and Izumi adore seeing Kouji melting a bit when it comes to them.

Junpei wants Kouji to understand they all are his family loving him despite him being such a free spirit. Kouji………….Kouji eventually gets attached to his uncle role in the depth of his heart. He just knows that if someone dares to touch the kids they will be doomed. Samurai Uncle🤣💕.

• Tomoki is kinda the too caring and fussy single uncle always coming up with pep-talks, and let’s say the kids aren’t that fond of that side of his, his baby homonymous, either. When Kou moves to Japan along with Izumi and Toto, Tomoki, who still lives there, starts visiting the family more often to get to know about how school is going for Kou. Since in his politician carreer he still deals with the issue of bully in Japan, he’s aware returnees have got no easy life. So, he wants to know everything about Kou’s new school experience, any detail, sometimes also instilling doubts in both Junpei’s and Izumi’s minds, making them wonder if Kou is really feeling that comfortable about the changes in his life.

When Kou gets involved with a circle of bullies, the kid gets so scared of the idea of just running into Tomoki. He knows what a calculating intelligence Uncle has got and it wouldn’t be nice, at all, if he got spotted pulling his pranks by him.

• Kouichi………… Kouichi dies of heart attack after having overworked himself during Covid period. He doesn’t get to know any kid, but Izumi and Junpei take the children to the cemetery sometimes, often telling them about their Kouichi uncle who has died as an unsung hero.

PSA: To me…Junpei could be bi, but the fact is that he has never got t explore his sexuality because of his crush on Izumi.

Rather boring, rather personal musings on relating to monsters below the cut

I don’t have any of the same struggles that non-cis, non-straight, non-men have, but there’s a whole lot of music written by, for, and/or about non-cis non-straight love that *really* resonates with me. And sure, part of that is empathy- it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to contemplate a version of myself that wasn’t straight or cis, and thus putting myself in others’ position isn’t a big stretch -but I think part of it is also related to me being... and this is going to sound really offensive so please bear with me... fat and ugly.

It’s not to the same degree by a mile and then some, but there is certain othering, a view of any sexual feelings I might have as somehow *monstrous* or *grotesque* which is similar in kind if nowhere similar in magnitude to how, say, a gay man might be made to feel when confronted with heteronormative society. In a very different way, yeah, but we’re both doing masculinity ‘wrong’, if that makes sense. And the whole ‘redefine masculinity as being an incel jackass’ thing doesn’t work for me because I’m not *actually* a monster, I just *feel* like one sometimes. 

I went to an all-’boys’ (several of whom turned out to not be boys at all in later years) Catholic high school. I wasn’t Catholic then and I certainly never will be having gone there, but it was the best education in the vicinity and I figured it would give me the best odds at college. So for four years, basically the only girls I encountered were through sister schools; coming over to work on theatre productions with us. None of them was especially interested in me, and several of them were openly contemptuous, but that probably has more to do with theatre people frequently being a bit shallower than most about looks and Catholic school girls being a bit shallower than most about finances; at the time I wasn’t considered *good*-looking but I wasn’t a freak or anything. I dated a couple of people (not one of whom I met through theatre), went off to college, and had *no goddamn idea* how to talk to women. 

I figured it out within a year or so (pro tip: talk to women like you’d talk to anyone else, duh) but yeah, during that year and the one previous I went from ‘husky’ or perhaps ‘chubby’ to ‘morbidly obese’. So while the circumstances changed (no longer surrounded by a limited pool of people looking for someone handsomer and/or wealthier) to some extent, the whole ‘hm, no one has ever desired me carnally’ thing stuck around. And that doesn’t feel great, obviously. 

Compounding matters, I’m *somewhere* on the grey/demi/asexual spectrum. In that I can certainly find people *attractive* but the thought of *actually having sex* with them is more off-putting than appealing unless I’m Properly Smitten. And literally only one of the people I’ve ever been Properly Smitten with has ever felt the same way. The rest varied from embarrassed disinterest to sympathetic disinterest. 

So that’s *another* way in which I’m ‘doing masculinity wrong’, apparently- not out trying to make as many ‘conquests’ as possible, not especially even interested in *sex* beyond the right planetary alignment. I do *have* a libido (though it’s suppressed somewhat due to depression, weight, and medication) but it’s not the sort of thing that would ever lead me to make dumb decisions, if that makes sense. 

So yeah. Spent most of my life being made to feel somehow inadequate as a man for my relative lack of sexual feelings, then being made to feel disgusting and monstrous for them when they *do* come up. I’m mostly straight, I’m pretty comfortable being male, I’m not even properly *a*sexual, so I’m never going to *really* ‘get it’ with regard to being Acctually LGBTQIA+, but on some level... maybe because of empathy, maybe because of experiencing the tiniest version of that sort of social stigma, I kinda almost maybe get it sometimes.

Anyhow that’s probably why I nearly broke down crying at the age of 21 when seeing fucking *Shrek* of all things, why my favorite d&d character is a hulking slab of a tiefling with a kind heart, why I feel like Guillermo Del Toro *gets* it in the way that most people don’t. 

I’m doing lots better lately- both mentally and physically -which is probably why I have the self-reflection to *analyze* myself and my thoughts beyond ‘People don’t like me because I suck.’ So if you’re reading this and worrying about me, 1.) aww 2.) nah it’s cool, I’m just Contemplating.

Meh, I’m not entirely sure where I was going with this beyond “It’s a Sin,” by the Pet Shop Boys and “Losing my Religion” by REM are really good songs that I have no right to relate to but somehow strongly do anyway. Loads of other songs fit the same mold but those were the two that brought out this word vomit.

If you’ve read all the way to the end, woof, thanks? I’m sorry? Please keep all replies to the reply function or private message, I don’t want this thing seen by all kinds of people who don’t know me and are more inclined to take it in bad faith. As a bribe/reward for getting this far, here is a picture of my cat, Frisbee.

He’s also morbidly obese, but people don’t seem to mind that as much in cats.