#also! for those concerned I'm currently in my exam | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

little-pup-pip · 17 days

Text

Build-A-Bear Chococat!!

326 notes · View notes

flutterbyfairy · 8 months

Text

i have a neurologist appointment in about a month that i'm quite nervous about due to previously being dismissed/not having my concerns listened to, so gonna post this to ask for some advice on getting Taken Seriously or if anyone knows things about the type of condition i might have about what i should be asking them to do/test.

might be quite long so putting it under a read more, and tw for medical stuff and doctors being dismissive. also i am So So Tired and therefore not able to think very clearly so apologies if i've messed up any of the medical info about conditions i mention and apologise just generally for the rambliness of my writing.

summary of why i'm going:

bunch of disabling symptoms that have continually progressed over the past 5+ years, including: muscle weakness, fatigue, muscle twitches/small spasms, nerve pain, blurry vision, lack of coordination (have this from autism, however has gotten significantly worse recently so might also be related to neuro stuff). first symptoms were difficulty having my arms over my head (like having to take multiple breaks while putting my hair into a ponytail because i couldn't hold my arms over my head for the like.. three minutes to do a ponytail) and blurry vision (that optometrist has said seems like might be due to a systemic disease because of how variable it is) since i was 13, which was seven years ago. i started getting more impairing symptoms when i was 15, and began needing a wheelchair for anything that required standing or walking for more than 10 - 15 minutes. i'm currently 20 and need my wheelchair whenever i leave the house, i can't leave the house or do things around the house often, i can stand for a max of like four minutes and can't hold my hands above my head for more than like 30 seconds to one minute. pretty much all my symptoms get a lot worse with any exertion.

GP thinks i have myasthenia gravis, but the test for acetylcholine receptor antibodies was negative and he doesn't have the ability to do other tests.

the neurologist has already said he thinks i have functional neurological disorder and that i should do CBT and pysio to improve my functioning (i already know CBT is horrible for me, i'm in other therapy which is good, i've done some psyio before but she just taught me some stretches and that was it, more psyio could be good but it'd have to be with someone who isn't trying to do a graded exercise therapy type thing since i get PEM). he has mentioned doing a spine MRI but this hasn't been done yet. he said he doesn't want to do further testing for myasthenia gravis but i will probably try to get him to agree to doing a repetitive nerve stimulation EMG or something.

i also have scapular winging on the side of my body with worse muscular symptoms which has also caused a lot of nerve pain, and i might also have some sort of spine issues (straightening of cervical lordosis was seen on a CT scan, they said it was probably due to muscle spasms, and i get a lot of neck pain which might be due to that? as well as a ton of back pain along my spine. might have CCI but haven't been tested yet). since it seems like i'm getting some structural changes in areas where i also get a lot of the pain and weakness and spasms i'm hoping if i bring that up the neurologist might maybe look more at organic causes + the state of those structural changes but i dunno.

he did a basic neurological exam in my initial appointment with him and said that i have give way weakness/waxing and waning weakness because when he got me to do the pushing my limbs against resistance i could do okay for a couple seconds but couldn't maintain it. he also said in the letter that i had positive hoovers sign however i am.. very confused by this because from my understanding hoovers sign is mainly looked at when someone has one limb that's at least somewhat "normal" and one that either can't be moved or is very weak, and then the person can't move the weak leg but when asked to push the stronger leg against resistance they push the weak leg down. both my legs are strong enough that i can stand and whilst one leg is a bit weaker they're relatively similar. i lifted and pushed against resistance with both legs so.... i am not sure how hoovers is applicable here? does anyone know why it was applied and if that was correct or if i should be challenging that? he's saying that the give way weakness and positive hoovers are indicators that the problem is "non-organic" and therefore should be treated with CBT and pysio.

i'm not sure what i think is actually going on. i think myasthenia gravis might make sense, but also so could other neuromuscular diseases like a mitochondrial disease or something. also very possible it's myalgic encephalomyelitis (aka chronic fatigue syndrome) but obviously that one is a diagnosis of exclusion so i want to rule other things out if possible. i want to know what's going on so i can have the best chance of being as well as is possible for me. i know CBT is not right for me and whilst some type of pysio could help a bit/prevent some decline (based on past experience i know it won't Cure Me but obviously it can help a bit to build some muscle or maintain range of motion and things like that which are important) if there's other things i can do on top of that i want to.

i've tried to do research to work out the best tests to ask for and i think EMG might be good but also know a normal EMG doesn't typically pick up myasthenia gravis so it needs to also have repetitive nerve stimulation i think?

i can't see a different neurologist at least not anytime soon, so i need to get this neurologist to do as much to help as possible. a social worker from where i get therapy is coming to the appointment to help me so that should be good but i need to work out what the best way to advocate for myself is and what tests are going to be the most useful to ask for.

if anyone has any advice for getting doctors to take you seriously or for any tests i should be advocating for or conditions i should be looking into or anything i would really appreciate it <3 (emoticon description: heart)

#in case it's relevant: i also have type one diabetes autism and POTS #things i've had ruled out : FSHD and multiple sclerosis (had brain mri and spinal tap) tho a nurse told me she thinks i should get checked #for multiple sclerosis again because it can have false negatives? not sure #FSHD was tested through a research project thing and the result was negatiev #medical tw #doctors tw #gonna put this in a couple of tags so people who have had similar experiences/might have advice might see it #cripplepunk #actually disabled #neurological disease #neuromuscular disease #ME/CFS

30 notes · View notes

chrollo-lucilfers-chains · 1 year

Text

Hisoka x gn!lawyer!reader

Little Lawyer

Warnings: none, that I'm aware of

You walk down the hallway to death, mentally preparing yourself for the worst. Well, it's not really the hallway to death... It's just the hallway to the restaurant of the heavens arena with it's little fake trees and weird colors but with who you're thinking of meeting, it might as well be death.

As you round the corner and go inside, your eyes immediately flicker to the mop of red hair peeking out behind a decorative bush. He's sitting with his back to the room as if to demonstrate just how assured he feels in his power. Even in an arena with some of the strongest hunters and fighters in the world Hisoka Morrow is still the apex predator.

He is also in a very bad mood, you assume.

Short and to the point, you remind yourself. Otherwise he probably won't even listen to you...

Walking up to his table you don't slide into the chair across him. If he does attack you there's no way you will even get as far as to the door but the idea of standing at least gives you some false sense of security and confidence.

You clear your throat to get his attention but he doesn't react to it, intensely focused on the set of playing cards in front of him.

"Mr. Morrow, I've heard of your little law dilemma", you are about to add your name and title but he stops in the movement of his hands and closes his eyes, letting out a small moan of annoyance that stops your talking immediately.

Annoyance is worse than just a bad mood... You don't want Hisoka Morrow to be annoyed with you!

"Listen," he starts in his usual, overly sweet but icy voice before you can even begin to hold your little speech.

"I am in a very bad mood right now, so either say something interesting and get to the point or leave, because I may look like the sexy equivalent of a clown, according to my fans, but I sure don't joke around like one. It's a very bad time right now for you to try and see how long lasting my patience is."

Fuck, you think. You were right. Better make this one count then. And you were nothing if not determined!

"I was in the law team for the hunter exams and worked under the head examiner. I listened to the interviews and I know what you want. You want to kill without being held accountable and to fight other strong people. I can offer you both."

Hisoka lifts his eyes to your figure almost catlike. He tilts his head and raises one singular, perfect eyebrow in a gesture for you to continue. Many people talk bad about him but none of them can deny how attractive he is. His hair is still disheveled from the fight he'd had minutes ago and the red strands seductively frame his handsome face. You admire his sharp features and the yellow eyes. When those exact eyes narrow you remember who he is.

God damnit, his jawline is so not the point right now!

"I can get you out of any possible trial before it even begins and I will get you out of your current problem as well."

His eyes tighten, as if calculatedly scanning your every asset. You shift from one leg to another. What if he says no?

"You know, usually people who come to me with a proposal want something in return. I assume you do too?"

"I do."

You close your eyes. You'd practiced what to say in the mirror the whole morning and still it was hard to get out right now. You take a deep breath and steady yourself.

"I want you to kill my boyfriend."

Hisoka holds your gaze for a split second, as he registers what you just said, then he breaks into histerical laughter. You look around confusedly. What is going on?

"Oh god..." he lets out between giggles. "I needed that..."

Other people are starting to look at the two of you with a questionable gaze and you try smiling along with Hisoka, acting as if you'd just told a funny joke and hadn't just proposed homicide to the maniacal clown breaking out in hysterics in front of you.

"Ahaha haha, yeah... Uhm, are you okay?" You ask, mildly concerned about not only him but also the other people in the restaurant now.

He let's out another histerical giggle but finally seems to recover from his tirade. Then he apruptly stands up, takes your wrist and starts heading to the exit, pulling you along with him.

His face is set in an unreadable expression. Oh god, what had you done? Is he going to kill you now??

"Uhh, you- you can just say no, if you're not interested!" You scramble, trying to make him let go but he just keeps trotting forwards, unbothered by your pulling on his hand. And holy cow, he's strong. He could probably be a rock climber with that grip strength...

He doesn't stop outside, instead he starts heading the direction of his room and if you weren't panicking before you definitely are now.

When his door is in sight, you start twisting your hand in order of making him let go.

"Mr. Morrow I don't feel comfortable going into your room! Unhand me right this instant!!" You tell him, trying to sound calm even though you are freaking out inside but ultimately failing to conceal the panic in your voice.

He rolls his eyes without you seeing it and opens the door to his suite. He shoves you inside and shuts the door, effectively pinning you against it.

"Hisoka, my name is Hisoka."

"What?" You let out confusedly.

"If we're going to work together you aren't calking me Mr. Morrow", he says and you blink.

"Oh god, I thought you were going to kill me! Yes, okay. I can call you that"

He nods.

"You also have to help me first, little fruit." Ah, there it is. You were expecting a certain amount of mindgames and flirting from the sociopathic clown but this is definitely a lot more intense than you thought.

"That... I can do..." You give him this one because it may just save your life.

"But you have to help me after that!" Begging won't work on him, you know that much about the magician but you still have to try.

"Why of course, little lawyer~" Hisokas smile is nothing short of frightening, as if it was supposed to be innocent but he didn't feel like it halfway through.

"We're going to get to know each other real well."

Hisokas hand pats your head twice.

What have you gotten yourself into?

#hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #hisoka #hisoka morrow x reader #hisoka morrow #hisoka x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #mine #my writing #lawyer!reader

82 notes · View notes

paralyze-fic · 7 months

Text

Paralyze.

Chapter 37

The sky was cloudy and the air felt a bit chilly, but I decided to head to the backyard of the dorm to try and train for a bit. I couldn't rely on my quirk every time I had to fight.

From one of the windows, I saw Katsuki staring at me and when we made eye contact I smiled and waved at him, he stared at me with his crimson eyes wide open and a cute blush painted his cheeks.

I laughed and turned around to start stretching for a bit.

//////

I checked my phone when I was done, and realized it had been almost three hours. Yes, it rained but I didn't mind it, so I kept training for a bit longer. Now, the rain had stopped and I was drenched in water and sweat. I sighed and decided to call it a day.

My legs felt heavy making me walk slowly, and when I was about to go around the corner so I could go back inside, a voice stopped me.

It was Tokuda-san's voice.

"He didn't just save a family member. He brought light into my life. I'm really grateful for that."

I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop on a conversation that wasn't my concern...

I really, really should have minded my business and walked away.

"Really...?" That was Izuku's voice.

"That's why his retirement surprised me. What would happen with the superhuman society now that it lost its Symbol of Peace?" Why are they talking about All Might...? "Midoriya-kun."

Izuku replied with a 'Yes?'.

"There's hope. Now it's your turn."

All Might's words echoed inside my head. It seemed like it had only happened yesterday when All Might fought that 'All For One' villain and we rescued Katsuki.

"Eh? Is it a picture? But you don't have a camera. You even printed it," I didn't pay too much attention to the next phrases, and I was about to show up just so I could make my way inside because I had lost interest in this conversation, but Tokuda-san said something else that made me stay still.

"All Might's words during the Kamino incident... as I thought, they were directed to you." For a moment, I held my breath, scared that any of them would hear me, and stopped to think for a moment.

I had no idea what all of this was. But maybe...?

"You finally made yours what you took, huh?" Those were Katsuki's words after the first part of our provisional license exam. No, wait... why would that have anything to do with the current situation?

"While I was investigating I found out many similarities. The quirk you manifested is a power one. You tried to save Bakugou when a villain captured him during middle school. All Might was the one who saved both of you. You got into UA at the same time he began working as a teacher." All of that happened before I met Katsuki? "I also went to the Pussycats' agency. I met Kota-kun."

Oh yeah, the savage kid who punched Izuku's testicles.

"There I confirmed my suppositions. What do you think about my deductions?" As I waited for Izuku's answer to the situation, my phone vibrated inside my pocket, making me jump in fright.

Thank god it didn't have sound, or I would have been exposed to them.

It was a text from Katsuki.

BabySuki;

Dinner is ready.

Come back inside quickly, I wanna see you.

His text melted my heart and made me forget for a moment about the situation around the corner.

;I'll be there in a bit, puppy.

Don't call me that, damn it.

I held my laugh and decided to go the longer way towards the other side of where I was standing, I didn't mind going the long way around to give them the privacy they expected to have.

When I was right around the corner, I took a deep breath and held my phone out, smiling and chuckling at the screen as if I were talking with somebody.

Then I looked up.

"Oh! Izuku, Tokuda-san, hello." I bowed to the man who smiled at me.

"Hello, (L/n)-kun." I grinned at him.

"By the way, dinner's ready, Izuku," I walked up the stairs and opened the door, walking in and closing it behind me.

Should I ask Izuku about what I heard...?

//////

Even if I was hungry before, now I was just staring at my plate full of food, poking and moving it around with my chopstick.

Until I felt somebody hitting the back of my head.

"What's gotten into you, asshole?" I glanced at Katsuki and tried to smile, but my mouth felt too heavy at the moment.

Izuku was... All Might's successor? What did that even mean?

I looked up from my plate, staring ahead. Izuku was at the table across from us, and he was facing me, so when he felt me staring at him, he stopped laughing and made eye contact with me.

I couldn't maintain our eye contact, so I glanced away and stood up.

"I'm heading to bed. Good night." I heard everybody saying a big 'Good night!' at me while hearing Iida exclaiming something about brushing my teeth.

The halls were silent and only the echoing of my steps was audible.

I opened my bedroom door and rested my back on it when I closed it behind me.

My mind was racing. I couldn't stop thinking. Because if Tokuda-san didn't even say goodbye to us after talking with Izuku... it was because he wanted to get information. Also, Izuku didn't deny his words right away, which made me think it was the truth.

But then maybe I'm just making assumptions on my own and I know it has nothing to do with me anyway. It's just...

Agh, I don't know anymore. Should I ask somebody about this? Maybe Izuku, or All Might?

And that was how before I decided to ignore the situation, I grabbed my phone and texted him.

;I have to talk to you.

;Come to my room at midnight.

I left it on my bed and went to take a shower, thoughts swimming around inside my mind, and I felt like I was going to have a painful headache.

After twenty minutes of staying under the warm water, I got out and brushed my teeth, putting on my nightwear when I was done.

On my bed, my phone was illuminating the dim room, and I grabbed it.

BunnyZuku;

Okay, I'll go.

But, what do you want to talk about, (M/n)-kun?

;I'll tell you when you come here, Izuku.

I pulled away the chair of my desk and sat down before turning to face my laptop, cracking my knuckles and getting ready to spend my time trying to distract myself until midnight.

#paralyze fic #bakugou katsuki fanfic #bakugou x male #bakugou x male reader #male reader #reader insert #x reader

11 notes · View notes

creepyscritches · 2 years

Note

i wish you a very sue your old doctor for malpractice even if its not realistic for you rn, i just had a really shitty and hopeless medical appointment regarding possible endometriosis and wish violence was an option

Holding your hands and looking deeply into your eyes

The lesson here isn't "health care is hopeless", it's "don't stay with a doctor that makes you feel hopeless"

One visit to Vanderbilt completely flipped my outlook and confidence in my care. If you don't think you're being cared for properly, you know what they say!!! If it sucks!!!! Hit da bricks!!!!!!!!!

Reach out to your PCP for any referral suggestions, or you can always call practices yourself (I'M the one the initiated the vandy referral). Some places can take a new patient as a self referral, but a lot of specialist offices need a doctor to refer you. That literally just means getting another doctor's referral staff to fax documents--it's not a scrutinizing ordeal or anything. I just told my PCP I wanted to go to vandy bc my current rheumatologist sucks and he went "You got it".

I do drive about an hour for every appointment, so that's not the most convenient, but that's the norm for a lot of specialized care. They are so efficient that it feels like 3 or 4 appointments in one tho so it's nice. I also drove an hour for my old doctor, but it only made the time feel even more wasted--really depends on the provider lol.

I'd get as many opinions as you WANT on the endo, dude. It's notoriously under-diagnosed and minimized and it takes several tries to get a diagnosis in many cases. Show up to each new appointment and politely explain the concerns you've had w previous exams/diagnostic efforts. Good doctors take this into account (my new one did!). I've also found it to be helpful to just fucking complain about my symptoms to literally any doctor, even in unrelated specialties. Those unrelated specialists will sometimes takes the reins on putting you somewhere that can actually HANDLE your complaints and they also tend to be sympathetic to pain they don't normally deal with in their patient population.

Kisses you between the eyes

If it sucks!!!!! Hit da bricks!!!!!!!!!!

#Creepy chatter #Old doctor is definitely getting a very reported to practice's ethics board at the very least

24 notes · View notes

dolliedarlin · 2 years

Text

UPCOMING . . . B I R T H D A Y . S P E C I A L ! (12th S E P T.)

hello, my loves!

i'm sorry for being away for such an extended amount of time; as soon as i finished my summer resit exams, i went abroad to the Philippines to see family again after some years because of the pandemic.

i know i said i would be writing during that time but it was kind of a struggle to write because there was hardly any secure wifi where i was living TT^TT and also, i was doing a lot with family and just finally relaxing for the summer after all that stress with exams and such

but just yesterday, i came back to the UK with stable wifi and tomorrow...it's my birthday (september 12th) where i'll be hosting my first ever birthday special!

the rules are pretty simple -^7^-

i'll be accepting and writing any and all requests for the whole day so long as they aren't nsfw, don't include any triggering content and only concern the fandoms i am already currently writing for on this blog (bnha, haikyuu + tokyo revengers)

for clarification, triggering content that i will not be writing for include :

racism

self-harm

child abuse

violence

homophobia or transphobia

rape and other forms of sexual violence/abuse

incest

animal abuse or death

i will NOT be writing requests that include these topics but everything else, i will do my best to write!

also... just so i can get through as many requests as i can, i'll be keeping the word count for each request between a (min.) 500 to 2k (max.) word length

not only that but, for those of you who have been anticipating an update on my current fics, i will be posting them throughout the day of my birthday too! so it'll be a whole day of finally dishing out the content i've been deprived of posting for so long!

all updates include the following :

extras for kiripima! (kirishima endearment series)

extras for mommy! (bakugou endearment series)

the p.a chapter 6 | poly bakusquad

mechanic x rich girl | shinichiro

snow white and the seven dwarves | bokuto ; dream come true series

for now, think up a request or two, there are no limits; so long as you make the request on september 12th, i'll be writing it!

that's all! see you lovely darlings tomorrow <3

all my love,

dollie x

🔖 : @hangesidekick ; @emotionalfangirl2002 ; @kookie02 ; @lordbugs ; @answer-the-sirens ; @@toobsessedsstuff ; @moonbinnie0983 ; @kinba-ri ; @beaniebanby ; @themoonandlover ; @ravensfeatheruniverse

@barbra-annbunny ; @modmochi ; @maybeisthemoon ; @a-book-lover-things ; @thathoneybee3 ; @lostinbooksblog ; @moonlightaangel ; @cocoa-bitter ; @mysteriousparker ; @mha-baku-todo-deku-kiri ; @dangerousluv1 ; @pansexualproblemchild ; @peacchfuz ; @skywalkerstyles ; @chwlogy ; @acuario2 ; @juliannaelee ; @levimeko ; @neutralchaosintheworld ; @saccharisa ; @no1herothatlookslikeavillain

#love; dollie #upcoming birthday special!

33 notes · View notes

twstgameplay · 1 year

Text

Non-SSR water team for fire exams

Hi there! Thanks for the this wonderful collection of information. I'm sorry if this comes off as ranty, but here I go!

I got an A in my fire defense exam by accident (highest score yet!), but most of the water-cards I have that are strong are also Flora affinity - and I have no SSR with water affinity (Dorm Leona+Floyd & Bday Floyd+Jade)

I've been trying to theory craft based on the SRs and Rs I have, and since I don't need to worry about DUO, I've been focused on finding as many buddy connections as possible and I need help with figuring out what's my best team right now:

What I came up with so far (those I'm fairly sure of is bolded):

Labwear Idia

Archetype Ortho

Labwear Lilia

Camp Floyd

Halloween Ruggie

Reason:

Pure water cards

Idia and Ortho buff each other.

Lilia has a modest power drain for 1T

Floyd and Ruggie explained below.

Labwear Sebek is Fire/Water buddies with Lilia both ways, and has another power drain. However I already have some pretty strong cards with trained spell levels. Fx Robe Malleus and Camp Sebek, but also Camp Floyd.

Camp Floyd (Attack Water/Fire lv70) has lv6/lv5 skills respectively, and lv 10 buddy with Ruggie - which makes him one of my strongest cards next to Dorm Leona and Robes Malleus. But he doesn't buddy with the other three - and I'm unsure which Ruggie card to take with him. Possibly Halloween Ruggie, because he's Defense with a heal and Ortho Buddy. But that does mean Lab Lilia won't be used to his full potential - especially with his Drain skill and Camp Floyd "only" brings along minor power boosts to the team. His water skill gives minPOW 3T and his fire skill is weak dmg. I'd be missing out on a few potential Buddy connections.

I considered Lab Cater (Defense Water/Flora) for his 2-way buddy with Idia - but I'm worried about that Flora. Should he replace Lilia ?

I also have

Camp Sebek fairly strong, but again the Flora concerns me (Defense lv 55, Water/Flora, skill lv 10|7, Buddy Leona lv4, Silver lv0)

Robes Malleus who has been trashing my opponents. (lv 65, Attack Flora/Water lv6/lv5, power boosts for 1T, Buddy Leona lv9, Sebek lv0)

Halloween Malleus (Attack lv 74, Fire/Fire lv6/lv5 - both gives dmg boosts for 1T, Buddy Jamil lv0, Ortho lv0 but modest HP boost)

While this isn't necessarily good for the current Fire Defense exam, I will need a team for regular fire exams and I'm not sure I'll be getting another SSR card any time soon. (I have Dorm Leona/Floyd and Bday Jade/Floyd - so lots of flora) I also intend on training PE Floyd for the Fire/Fire heal combo, but he buddies with Jade and I don't think he'd fit into the currently available team if I want high scores. My Flora game is strong, so it's definitely fire/Water affinity I need to focus.

So I suppose my question is: Would these cards be good for fire exams and what team exactly should I use? Or is this COMPLETELY off course? Is it too much attack and not enough HP/def?

You can assume I have most PE, School, Labwear, and Ceremonial Robes.

Thank you very much for reading this!

———

Hi hi~

Sorry that this took so long to go out!

To answer your questions:

Would these cards be good for fire exams and what team exactly should I use? Or is this COMPLETELY off course? Is it too much attack and not enough HP/def?

You’re on the right track, don’t worry! As you’ve noticed yourself, some of the cards you chose don’t buddy as well with each other, so I’ll suggest this one team I had in mind when I first saw the submission and was just waiting for Fire Defense to come back so I could try it out and make sure it works.

It’s a full SR team and the buddies/magic are almost all maxed, but it works wonders!

It has 3 HP S, 3 ATK M and 1 ATK S buddy, mine were all Lv.10 with the exception of Ruggie-Ortho (ATK S), that I leveled up with perfumes and honey just for the sake of testing out the team.

Their magic levels are almost all 10/10 as well, except Floyd 10/5 and Ruggie 7/10 (I ran out of fire books).

To get it, you leave Ace’s and Ortho’s heal for turn 5. That way you only get hit by neutral magic twice, once for Ruggie’s continuous heal (on T1 or T2) and then on Floyd’s M2.

For an extra boost in power, you can use both Ruggie’s magic on the same turn and also use Idia’s M2 after his M1 to get the 3T buff. You can also not go for the minimum neutral hits taken and instead use both Ace’s magic together for the 1T buff and finish on T5 with both Ortho’s magic together so his Flora magic is also buffed a little bit more.

This likely only worked thanks to the MLB bonus we got in JP, so EN ppl might have trouble killing on turn 5. As I said before, I went with this team because I already had every SR other than Ruggie already pretty much maxed, so that’s what worked for me, but you can always replace someone here and there and see how it works for you!

~ 🦈

#submission #twst strategy #fire defense help #mod furoido

10 notes · View notes

happyhealthycats · 1 year

Note

Hey there! I was wondering if you would be willing to tell me how one goes about becoming a cat behavioral specialist. Like, where would you get your certification or even classes? I've tried googling but everything looks pretty unofficial or not completely recognized by like... Idk a vet board or something? And beyond that, how would one go about getting jobs for the first time before being credentialed? Sorry if this is a bit of an odd ask, this is just something I've hesitated in pursuing for a long time but definitely want.

If you want an official title, I was able to get mine through ABI. I was also looking around and ABI actually had functional animal behaviorists teaching classes and they're accredited. The classes I took were legitimate and felt just like the online college and university courses I had taken. The testing was more similar to the vocational school I had attended, in that even if you do all of your work and get 100%'s on your homework, you still have to pass your exams or else you don't pass your class.

Unfortunately you'll have professionals who either believe you or don't. I signed up with ABI because they required more in-person volunteer hours at the time, and I had to prove that I was at the shelter taking care of the cats there and learning from experienced shelter workers. Regardless of the school I was attending, folks couldn't doubt that I had spent countless hours at the shelter and working in rescues.

None of that obviously guarantees jobs. I'm currently unemployed/disabled and running a tumblr blog with no income (casually pointing out my Kofi), so the letters at the end of my name don't really mean much when it's hit or miss if a veterinarian is going to believe me or respect my credentials. Basically I went with the most accredited and official animal behavior school and still get doubted. There's a whole conversation about schools and scams in the United States that goes into your concern over legitimacy but that turns into Old Cat Behaviorist Yells At Cloud so I'll just leave it at that.

If you REALLY want to become an animal behaviorist through the Most Squeaky Clean and Guaranteed Path to a Job method, it requires you to become a Veterinarian first and then spend your time focusing on animal behavior studies as your specialty. As far as I know, there is an animal behavior hospital somewhere in Pennsylvania (U.S. - Philly specifically I think?) that focuses on behavioral veterinary practices, so I imagine there should be others, but any school of veterinary medicine should be able to either provide that for you or help you go that route. But if you want to become a feline behaviorist to be more of a Jackson Galaxy figure, unfortunately that's a matter of business knowledge I just don't have. There are local cat conventions I see advertised and I imagine those would be a great place to canvas for possible clients.

10 notes · View notes

fictionkinfessions · 10 months

Text

This is a post about the current blog poll regarding ask games on this blog. You can find the original post and poll to vote on via this link below. Please do not send votes via ask messages.

Posts about this topic have the tag 'blog poll'.

https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/724128639169544192/

This is long. Here is a read more.

Anonymous asked: sorry im not home and mobile search sucks or else id look myself, but is there a catchall tag for ask games? i think there is but bad memory lol. if not maybe there should be so people can block all games instead of each new one !

Anonymous asked: Suggestion for the ask game debacle: why not tag all those posts with one consistent tag like "kinfessions ask game" or something? Either in addition to or in place of the custom tags. That gives everybody's blacklist something to pick up without requiring someone to add a tag for every single ask game.

Anonymous asked: voted to keep ask games but consider just adding a catch-all tag alongside the specific game for blacklisting purposes maybe? the anon has a fair point with how many there have been lately that it can kind of drown out regular confessions but ask games are fun and it wouldn't exactly be fair to completely get rid of them. wouldn't mind a sister blog for them either though

There isn't a catch all tag, and that's a extremely good idea. I'm kinda kicking myself for not asking for feedback before making a whole poll about it. We'd still have the poll, but there would've been better options about what to do. Also for not doing that to start with.

Anonymous asked: i'm all for continuing the ask games, but can we at least LIMIT them? sometimes it feels like there's a new one every day, or like everything posted is a response to an ask game. it's obviously not stopping anybody from kinfessing normally, but it feels weird to only see ask game responses when the blog was originally intended for kinfessions

Anonymous asked: a suggestion about ask games: host one or two as events with loose but present time limits. kinda like this blog had for june, with mostly pride-themed prompts? it would probably require more moderation, so no pressure if you don't feel up to it mpc. we could even vote for favorite games but i can see it may leave someone upset bc their idea lost. right now it seems (to me. just a personal opinion) like this sudden overflow of different yet very specific prompts is a bit directionless. it's not necessarily bad for a community blog but could discourage a full "conversation"? of linked confessions, which i see as the point of ask games. this isn't to say there are no responses to posted answers - quite the opposite, actually! i just think having fewer themes would allow more unique experiences to be included, instead of splitting more subtopics.

True, there have been a fair amount, and it's been ramping up. Not a bad thing, it's nice that people have curiosity about other's canons and sources.

Seems like a lot of work, but doable imo. My concern would be actually getting people to vote for the ask games. Also if an ask game wins, but nobody plays it, then what? Do we just go onto the next one? Would there be a time limit? What if people send things after the time limit? I'd feel like such a dick for not posting it because they didn't send it in on time. This isn't really a final exam at school or your office job with time limits. Literally how do I explain it without sounding like a Super Serious Tool?

People do that for holiday things, you can't stop that from happening. The only reason I put a time limit for holidays is so nobody gets triggered after they remove a tag from their blacklist, assuming nobody celebrates Fathers Day 2 weeks afterwards. You know what I mean? Not to mention this blog is very active. People may not see prompts until long after the time limit, and they may still want to participate. Also who thinks up themes, if there will be any?

Though maybe we don't vote on them. Like you mentioned, people might get upset if theirs isn't picked. I suppose we could just do it chronologically, as they're sent in. I'm not sure how to manage this. Save the future ask games to drafts and hope I don't lose them? Probably.

Anonymous asked: Going to agree with the anon, there is a bit too many ask games ngl, like I like them but there is so many of them at this point and like I even blacklist the tags but they still get through. I just wish that there was a bit less of them or that there was a seperate blog :(

The thing about the auxiliary blog is that it won't have the same amount of traffic and might go dead. Not a bad thing, such is life. But I think part of the appeal of ask games replies and confessions is that this is a fairly high traffic blog. People want to be seen, even if it's anonymous. I wouldn't mind running a side blog, or at least getting it active enough to let someone else handle it.

Anonymous asked: Hello MPC! You don’t have to post this, but I saw that you were asking for opinions and I can’t actually find somewhere to vote on a poll (unless it was metaphorical? I can’t tell honestly), so feel free to delete this if it’s just taking up space- but I kind of agree with the anon who spoke up about the ask games. It’s not really a bad thing they exist, but when you have so many going at one time, it’s hard to keep track of and sometimes the pinned post/asks become incredibly long. It also feels like it goes against the whole ‘this is not a canon call’ mindset of the blog because it can and does spark up conversations between people, if that makes sense? It’s not a bad thing people are involved, but I feel like it takes away from the point of the blog a little. I think having the ask games be cleaned up and a new system put into place to make it easier to block the tag/find them would be super helpful, but I know that can be stressful. All in all, I’m sure everyone will support your decision!! Thank you for everything you put into this blog MPC 🖤

The voting poll post is here if you haven't found it already. Thank you for your input, you have some good points. https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/724128639169544192 It's true that the ask game post is incredibly, tediously long. Even with tags, it's hard to ignore.

I don't know about the canon call thing, I haven't really seen people implying they should be contacted over x y z happening in their canon due to an ask game reply. Honestly I'm not fighting that battle very hard anyways.

I get the feeling that ask games are going to stay. But we did get some ideas on how to manage them better than their current form.

Summary of suggestions

Limit amount of active ask games per week or per month. Maybe 3 per week?

Create a catch all tag for ask game responses

Ask game topics per week or month. Maybe can be voteable as well?

Create side blog solely for ask games regardless??

#mod response #not confessions #mod party cat #blog poll

4 notes · View notes

princessmia-tarot · 8 months

Note

Dear Mia,

Hello! How Are you? I'm M and I respectfully ask for a Free reading if you have free time.

It's about of my situation right now. I don't know how to tell others and even my parents because they would not even understood me. I wanted to take a board exam but there's a delay because of my First University didn't give me all my credentials and I don't get the chance to take one and I'm waiting for now for next year. I am angry frustrated and hopeless because of this and my parents expected me to take 😭😭. I don't want to break their hearts so I tell White lies to ease the situation. I don't know what I'm gonna do in my situation.🥲.

Thank you very much for reading my request.

Sincerely yours,

M

Hello M,

Before I begin if you or anyone who sees this reading could respond to this poll, it would be much appreciated (open 3rd-10th Oct) <3.

I understand that you're going through a challenging situation regarding the delay in taking a board exam and the pressure from your parents' expectations. Let's gain some insight and guidance from the symbolism of the Seven of Swords to address your concerns:

The Seven of Swords often represents challenges, secrets, and the need for careful planning. In your situation, it suggests the following:

Acknowledging Feelings: It's entirely natural to feel angry, frustrated, and hopeless when facing unexpected obstacles. Acknowledging these emotions is an important first step toward managing them.

Honesty with Yourself: The Seven of Swords encourages honesty with yourself. It's essential to be true to your own desires and goals rather than trying to meet external expectations, even those of your parents.

Communication: While it may be difficult, consider having an open and honest conversation with your parents about your current situation. They may not fully understand your feelings unless you share them. Expressing your concerns can help alleviate the pressure you feel.

Planning and Patience: The Seven of Swords also represents the need for careful planning. Use this time to make a detailed plan for your future goals and the steps you need to take to achieve them. Patience will be key as you navigate this delay.

Seek Support: If you find it challenging to communicate with your parents, consider seeking support from friends, mentors, or a counselor. They can provide guidance and a listening ear during difficult times.

Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. It's okay to face setbacks and delays. Your journey may not follow a linear path, and that's perfectly normal. Embrace self-compassion and self-care as you move forward.

Resilience: The Seven of Swords also signifies resilience. Despite the current delay, you have the strength and determination to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals when the time is right.

Remember that your life path may have its twists and turns, and delays can sometimes lead to unexpected opportunities and growth. While the situation may be challenging, it's not insurmountable. Keep your long-term goals in sight, stay true to yourself, and trust that you can navigate through this phase. You're not alone, and there is support available to you.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support during this challenging time. Take one step at a time, and you will find your way forward. 🌟🤗

xx

Mia💗

- - - - - - - - -

★ To see status of free readings click here

★ CHECK OUT MY NEW SHOP SECTION: PRESET QUESTIONS - FUN THEMES

★ LOVE how much information is in these free readings? Check out my ETSY to get even more information, clarification and messages. USE CODE TUMBLR20 FOR 20% OFF

★ Interested in spells and chakras? Check out my spells on offer

★ If you feel called, please follow and share my blog and/or Etsy so more people have the opportunity for guidance ❤️

1 note · View note

darkestcorners · 2 years

Note

OH. MY. FREAKING. GOSH.

I'm sorry for coming right here. I really don't know who to talk about this. I just really can't believe this is happening. I'm really sorry because this might be long.

My sister broke up with his ex for months already. So for a little backstory: the guy was providing my sister everything (basically, like a sugar daddy – btw, I never judged my sister for this. I've always said that it's her life so I don't have any say on it); doesn't want my sister to go to work, and everything that my sister were buying needed to be reported to him; he doesn't let her use social media and the worst: he doesn't want my sister to take her licensure exam after graduating. She wants my sister to be dependent to him in all aspects of her life.

So that happened for about 2 years and my sister had enough and already broke up with him. But... the guy – I was like what in a fucking yandereism is he doing right now to my sister. 😭

So, until now he's still sending messages to my sister and the last messages he sent were (not exact but some parts only):

"I told you right, baby? 'Til death do us part. Promise is a promise."

(This one was sent in our native language) "I know where is your current dorm, just at the back of *location*. Nice nice it will be easier for me to get you and if I get you, you'll never come back."

"Baby? I just want to say I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart for saying F YOU and BIPOLAR. I love you so much." (I'm not even sure what he meant about the bipolar part, I'm so scared for my sister 😣)

And for the last message, he actually sent a not-so-long one but still like in a small bullet (but with the numeral letters) form confessing how he /loves/ my sister. I will not put everything but this part of his gaslighting message:

"Rest your heart. Mind and soul now. All the bestest things in life are coming your way."

I'm not joking about this one even though I know it sounds like I'm just giving prompts. I really don't know what to say... I'm really sorry if I came here, you're the first person that came into my mind when I saw my sister's post (yep, she posted it in her account). I know yandere fics are one of my go-to stories for escaping the realities of life but I'm not romanticizing it. It was really scary that something like this is for real happening and I'm witnessing it. And fudge, remembering the police here... the police in our country? My goodness 🙃

Oh my goodness.

Firstly, I want to say that I’m so sorry that your sister is going through this, that is terrifying. I’m also so sorry that you’re going through this as well, I understand how scared and concerned you must be for her safety. This sounds really serious and I really wish I could help in some way ( please let me know if I can or if you need to talk more, I’m always here )

I know you mentioned at the end that the police will likely not help but is there any way you can find help elsewhere? I don’t know all the details obviously but is it possible you can seek help from a family member or someone, even a counselor she can go to that could have access to provide some safety for her? You mentioned a dorm so I assume she’s attending university, if she hasn’t already then I would really advise her to tell her university about this and even if they aren’t much help ( because I’m aware a lot universities/ authorities don’t take stalking cases seriously until something happens ) but I would still alert them just in case, to make sure that they have security cameras in the dorm areas.

I would also heavily advise your sister to carry a weapon with her at all times ( pocket knife, pepper spray, keys, tasor, anything really ) in the mean time. I don’t know if you have access to this but Air tags or maybe something similar if you can’t afford it since I know they are pricey , ( There’s Tile pros, Cube pros, Samsung smart tags ) If you can get one of those, they are Bluetooth tracking devices and I would really advise your sister to carry one and attach it to her clothes, shoes or anywhere she can on her body. A lot of people I know use these in case ( God forbid ) something would happen and they go missing.

I would also tell her to try to avoid going places alone ( especially at late hours/ night ) If it’s possible, she should try to have someone with her as much as she can and stay in heavily populated areas. Again, I’m so sorry this is happening babes. Please keep me updated and try to stay as safe as possible! Be alert at all times and don’t take this man’s behavior lightly, I’m sure you already know stuff like this can often get out of hand really fast so please try to get your sister to be as safe as she can. I hope he leaves your sister alone and you can get some type of help soon. Sending all my positive thoughts with you and be free to message me whenever you feel like! ❤️🙏🙏.

#asks #anon #serious #stalking case #please be safe

16 notes · View notes

thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 1 year

Note

Hello this is the exam anon

First of all I'd like to thankyou so much for your advice

It really helps lessen the suffocating anxiety to rant to someone and I really appreciate the things you said. I hope uni life is treating you well❤️

Just curious but is Finland a good place for international students to study at undergrad level?

Hiya love~!

You're very welcome ^^

Yes, I think that a lot of people would benefit from just having, even if only one person, with whom the could really talk to and get those thoughts and concerns out. Talking with people helps. And I'm glad that you found comfort and help from what I said 🥰 They're things that I have learned and had to realize in the course of my academic career/journey, and they really helped me too

Uni is treating as uni does 😅 I have a couple of more difficult exams coming up in the start of the week, but I haven't got around to stressing about them XD

I think that Finland is a, at least relatively, good place to study. English is widely used so you'd be able to get around with it, and not necessarily need to learn Finnish. Education is free, though I'm not sure about international programmes or how does it work for international students, but generally speaking education is made affordable from what I know. There's large student communities and larger student cities have a lot of events happening weekly. There's no "campus life" per se, but there's student life in the city.

Usually the undergrad programmes Finns study are studied in the Universities of Applied Sciences, and having started there, I would say that it's pretty good. Communication could flow better at times, but I think it's like that in a lot of places. I haven't heard complaints really, but I'm also currently an international student myself studying abroad, for personal reasons, so I'm unable to just catch up with an international student studying in Finland ^^'

#anon flamelets

2 notes · View notes

tojikai · 2 years

Note

Hey kai

How are you?????

Hope ur doing good

Me currently I'm depressed

As I've told u b4 the exam that I'll be giving on 17th of this month is a really big exam, it'll determine my future, but this year the system was soooo unjust. Usually for exam we get proper 12 months bcs in this exam 11th and 12th grade physics chem and biology come combined and the question paper has a total of 200 questions out of which we have to answer 180 to score full marks (720) in 3 hrs.

U see bcs of corona, unlike other countries, our schooling went downhill

And me being so unlucky, i was in the unluckiest school batches of all, the batch of 2021😭

12th finals got canceled, schooling was also not done properly (and in our country 10th, 12th and then entrance exams literally decide our career)

So, for this entrance exam, most people of my batch from the whole country took a drop (we also gave the entrance exam the same year we 'passed' 12th but since we lacked even the basic knowledge bcs srsly no classes were taken properly during online school, it went really bad)

Now there is, or should i say WAS, an age limit of 25 for general catagory (like its complicated here, there's general catagory which get no benefit and then like sc and st and ews which are protected tribes and castes who dont even have taxes to pay and are literally immune to everything, plus their cutoff for exam is also low AND THEY ALSO HAVE 80% RESERVED SEATS IN ALL COLLEGES....I'm general🥲)

But this year even that was removed(age limit)....so now anyone can give exam...and lets say there are only 10000 seats for us(generals, which btw the others can also get, the 10k seats are just unreserved seats but since their cuttoff is low they can get the seat there....lol) in this exam right? There are 180000+ candidates this year...🥲

U see how unlucky I am?

Now the exam due to corona last year had late counseling rounds which lasted up to april of this year (it decides which college we get) and we gave exam on september, which was also bcs of corona hence late exam

Then....this month we have our exam which barely gave us 9 months to prepare all over again.....we begged the exam conducting body to postpone...they didn't....and if u see the situation the country is in rn (like there are literal floods, landslides and everything going on rn in 24/29 states here) they still wont postpone.....

Idk if u read this

In short I'm very depressed

Students even filed a case in HC but they just ridiculed us and the case was dismissed within 1hr........

.

Btw i love ur stories 🥲🙂💕

Stay safe and hydrated 👋

I'll be back reading ur stuff after julys over i gues.....bcs I'll be sulking in my room till the 30th....

Bye2🥲👋

hiii, im doing good thank you so much !! but hey, im sorry about that situation. like.. that's unfair for the learners. every aspect of it; the quality of education, the allocation of slots and the time to prepare is a bit unfair to you guys. i mean with the way the education system is going right now, the students made a lot of adjustments for the new methods of the government and different educational institutions, i think it's only fair for them to adjust these factors related to the exams too. that's really sad, cause students are always on the receiving end of the problems, may it be about an issue with the allotted time to review or the slots to be given, students always get the shorter end of the stick bc those in position refuse to adjust :(( im not really familiar with how your education system works but i get why you feel so down. things concerning our future can cause great stress bc it feels like everything depends on it and it probably does, but it's gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine, nonnie !! i hope you feel better soon and i wish you luck on everything !! <33

#🍭—kaitalks

3 notes · View notes

anvoo · 8 months

Text

19.09.2023

I'm super tired right now, which is probably a good thing.

Really happy and proud that I managed to do a good amount of exam prep today. Tomorrow afternoon is the exam, so I still have tomorrow morning to finish preparing (which I'll do).

I'm trying to be more mindful of my thoughts and feelings. Paying attention to them, acknowledging them, seeing if they require any actions or thoughts/mental energy, and then acting accordingly. Thinking about something counts as acting too, so I should also be deliberate with it. Throughout the day, my mind still wanders to certain places that make me a bit sad like my current fitness and health, how stressed I am about exams and studies, missing Cat and wanting to be with her right now,...

And that's ok! You can't really always control where your mind wanders to. Of course, you can try to divert the flow, but it goes here and there sometimes.

Yeah, I think so too. The feelings that follow are also just like the sediments brought by those thoughts, and they'll leave slowly along with the current that brought them there. I don't always have to put in so much mental energy and manpower to get rid of the sediment ASAP, the flow will bring it along as it goes ;) If work is needed, then work should be put in. Vice versa, if work isn't needed, then effort is best spent elsewhere.

My fitness and health are definitely a concern of mine. It's being put on the back burner as of the moment because of the more urgent thing (exams), but I'll pick those thoughts up and deal with them as soon as I get the urgent stuff done! Exams and studies right now are top priority, gogogo! About thoughts and feelings of missing Cat and wanting to be with her, they do make me a bit sad, but that's ok v.v I think I have things pretty thought-through when it comes to this department already, so no need for me to rehash it every time.

Yepyep. It's a positive and cute/romantic thing you guys have going on :> You both love and want to be with each other and are trying your best to make that a reality. You'll be ok.

Thank you v.v I'm trying to break free of the "Thought comes to mind, feel a bit sad, TRY EVERYTHING TO RATIONALIZE AND UNSAD MYSELF WHICH COSTS SO MUCH ENERGY BECAUSE ITS JUST LIKE MOVING SEDIMENT IT TAKES A LOT OF MANPOWER TO DO IT BUT THE RIVER WILL JUST KINDA DO IT BY ITSELF, successfully unsadden, exhausted from spending so much energy on it, don't do anything afterward".

Do the "thought comes to mind, feel a bit sad, if no extra thinking or effort needed for the thought then it's ok just live with it, unsadden (wow what a crazy thing this happens in both scenarios), still have energy cause I chose not to indulge in thoughts and spirals, do things afterward to improve my situation and life = less sad thoughts".

I like how I use nature and stuff as metaphors and analogies for things, it's actually pretty cute and helps me visualize them better. After my exams are done, I'll do some stuff with it.

Goodnight!

#journal #diary #motivation #thoughts #self love #self help

1 note · View note

sixeyesgojo · 2 years

Text

Hi. I'm not sure if anyone will read this since it's a little personal but I want to remind people:

being kind is a virtue but a free one. Especially if you work in a teaching position.

I actually kept it short because so much more happened but basically it's this:

Lately, I have had a very hard time with all the stress piling up one by one - without being able to solve them due to lack of time. So last week I went home and kind of ditched school, so I can take care of my other stuff (that is way more important) and to see my parents again. However, due to circumstances worsening, I had to call in sick and it came to the point where I decided to restart taking medication. However, I forgot to hand in my doctor's note on the same day and called my principal to let her know and explain my situation.

Instead of listening to me, she cut me off and assumed stuff. I don't know what she thought nor do I care but her comment devalued not only my health condition, morals, but also endangered my wellbeing because she sent me straight into a spiral of mental breakdowns with her reaction. One after another, they came after she hung up on me after wishing me to "get well soon" rather passive-aggressively.

I understand she is busy as a principal (she hardly responds to us) but she didn't give me any time to explain what was going on with me.

I have a lot of stuff to do and at this point, I have no idea how to shoulder it all. Furthermore, I am not someone who cries easily over their own circumstances but I cried a lot that day.

Despite paying a lot for this school and being a diligent top student (some of you may know), I considered dropping out right then. It might seem impulsive in your eyes but this wasn't the first time she made a student cry since we started in September. This isn't being straightforward nor does this contribute to solving any problems, this is being an asshole without merit. In that vulnerable moment that I had, that person managed to rob me of any hope that I held onto all those weeks.

This school seriously has issues regarding organization. We've been in exam phase non-stop since March. The first exam phase ended. We had one week of break and then the next one already started and we're currently still in it. Additionally, I also have to prepare a presentation about a company in English and study because we regularly have tests twice a week in Japanese. On top of that, I struggle financially and I have to deal with some legal documents. (etc.)

Last night, I fell asleep while working on my presentation in English. I couldn't finish it in time. Of course, I felt bad when I told my English teacher that I couldn't finish it in time. Judging that it was better to be direct with him, I told him I couldn't do it because I am mentally unstable.

He pulled me out of class and talked to me, asked if I was okay, if I can attend class right now or if it was better to go home. He was very kind and you could see that he was very concerned. He listened to me, let me explain my situation and gave his advice respectfully. He told me that it was okay and that I should do whatever makes me feel better - even if that was taking an extended break. He also told me not to worry about my principal and that I was doing excellently.

Just like that, without admonishing me, he managed to create a safe space for me where I could be vulnerable (my voice cracked too) and feel safe.

Kindness doesn't cost you anything and it can make someone's life much better. Trust me when I say that I will appreciate this man for life now.

#🌙: restless night

1 note · View note

xiaq · 3 years

Note

Ok I'm probably not going to say this right but after your last post I have have a question I guess? I don't really like sex and I love the idea of a relationship that doesn't require sex to be happy and healthy. I really relate to the whole not being anxious about taking a shower together or expectations or wahtever that you talked about but I've never experienced it before. Is that something you get from dating a friend? I guess I just want to know how you get to a place like that.

CW for sex talk. Hello friend. Apparently today is the day for Long Ass Ask Answers.

I wish someone had told me this years ago so I’m saying it to you now in case it saves you some angst:

Don’t settle for bad sex.

If you don’t like the sex you’re having, stop. If you don’t like having sex at all—neat! You’ll have so much time for other activities. You do not owe yourself to anyone, under any circumstances, even if you’re socially trained to think you do.

Listen. I took PhD qualifying exams in Feminist theory. And even I had more or less submitted myself to the idea that sex just wasn’t going to be that fun for me and I’d need to learn to deal or be alone.

I admittedly have very little sexual experience, but the experience I had up until my current relationship was lackluster. I wasn’t repulsed by sex, but it was eh at best and painful at worst and I’d never initiated a sexual situation in my life because A. ultra conservative Christian doctrine during your formative years can seriously fuck up your perception of intimacy in general (insert Youth Pastor Voice here: “men enjoy the act of sex, women enjoy the results of sex: children”) and B. I just…would rather do all sorts of other things. Sex was a thing other people wanted from me and if I cared about them I was supposed to provide it.

Objectively, I knew this was wrong. And yet.

Let me lay out some Inarguable Truths for you. Sex should not:

hurt (unless you want it to)

make you uncomfortable

make you feel dread or guilt before or afterward

be used as leverage

be coerced

be treated as a necessity by your partner

I told my current partner at the very beginning of our relationship (when I was trying to convince him that he didn’t actually want to be in a relationship with me) that I didn’t particularly enjoy sex, that I really didn’t like penetrative sex, and I that wasn’t willing to pretend otherwise anymore.

His response: “then we won’t have sex.”

Let me tell you, that threw me for a loop. I was expecting the more typical, “you’d enjoy sex with me” or even “what a waste.”

“Ever?” I asked.

“Ever.”

Well, okay then.

After a couple of weeks, I decided to try anyway. Not because I felt pressured but because I was curious. I thought maybe there would be one of those fanfic/romance novel moments and, suddenly, I’d love sex because I’d found The Right Person. Reader, I did not get my moment. Except for this time, I didn’t feel like I had to just suck it up. So we stopped. We made stir fry and cuddled and talked about the RMS Carpathia and Abraham Lincoln’s assassination (any nerds know what these things have in common?) instead. A+ evening.

A week later, he came to me, and after spending a surfeit of time qualifying what he was about to say with assurances that he didn’t expect anything from me, etc., etc. he told me he’d done some research because he was concerned there was an underlying issue causing my pain/discomfort. I hadn’t ever thought to ask my doctor because, at my pap/annual exam each year, they’d say my downstairs parts looked fine and send me on my way. Surely they would have said something? But I made an appointment with an OB and I brought a list of questions.

Did you know that endometriosis can make penetrative sex hella painful? Did you know that, if you have an autoimmune disease, even if you’re managing it well, you might deal with significant inflammation the week before your period, which can also make sex hella painful? Did you know that if you’re a small human you might just have a lower cervix which can (surprise) make sex hella painful? Did you know that there are things you can do to at least somewhat ameliorate these issues? Did you know that, when you stop viewing sex as an uncomfortable thing you have to provide and instead view it as an optional activity where you have full autonomy, you suddenly stop feeling guilt and dread at the very concept of physical intimacy and can actually, maybe, enjoy it? I do now. I didn’t for 15 years.

Do not settle for bad sex. Because if someone isn’t willing to sort out why you’re uncomfortable, and how to change your approach to intimacy to fix it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. If you simply don’t want sex and your partner insists on it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. There is a whole spectrum of reasons why you might not enjoy sex and I obviously can’t speak to all of them but Please. Learn from my mistakes. When you start drawing hard lines you're going to make progress, one way or another. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re broken or undesirable if you’re not interested in sex. That’s a them problem, not a you problem.

I arrived to the place I'm at in my current relationship because I advocated for myself and said I wasn't willing to do something that made me uncomfortable. And my partner, who views me as a three-dimensional human being with more to offer the world than my body, immediately validated my feelings and agreed not to push my boundaries. Was the fact that we were friends for years helpful there? Sure. Because I already implicitly trusted him. But the important thing here is to know your limits and be willing to stick up for yourself. If you're explicit about your desires, it's easier to find the folks who are a good fit for fulfilling those desires.

#sexuality #asexual #aspec #sex talk #mylife #personal shit #answered asks #B #intimacy

569 notes · View notes