i lost my dad a decade ago and it was the worst six months or so of my life. all the practical stuff that has to be dealt with after a parent dies feels so impossible. you definitely deserve All the back pats

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, even though I hope you're in a better space now. And, yeah, it's exhausting, because there were some upsides to my situation--this had been coming for a very long time despite that he wasn't really that old he'd had this stuff his entire adult life just about, it was something of a relief that he was no longer suffering so much, I have wanted to clean like this for years, I had a lot of stuff already planned out, re: paperwork and goals--there are other downsides, mostly that my dad was a hoarder. He'd made a lot of progress on going through stuff over the last couple of years, but there's still just. So. Much. And it all needs a decision, because sure okay the food packaging boxes he liked to save to store things in, those can all go, but why throw a perfectly good flashlight even if he had 30 of them? They're little ones! They glow in the dark! I like them, too! They store nicely! (I struggle with hoarding as well, as you can see.) And that's just one thing. Okay, now about the tools. You should have a good set of the basics, you can always use a good screwdriver. But which ones to keep? Okay, now here's another stack of paperwork that he saved, how many bank statements do I need to save? Okay time to talk to the insurance agent make sure you have the original policy paperwork to send in, okay time to talk to social security, oh they don't put the instructions on there correctly and it has to be redone and sent in with another death certificate, okay time to talk to the bank to transfer his account, okay time to decide if mom wants to keep the cable because it's expensive and she really only watches just the one channel, okay time to decide how many pairs of gloves do we need, because there have been times they come in handy (defrosting the freezer needs a pair of gloves oh my god), okay time to decide which of these desk fans to keep and which to throw, okay time to decide do you need this rolly table that is perfectly good it's just kind of ugly and you don't really have an idea for it, other than the one in the laundry area that you store the clothes basket on while you do laundry, okay time to decide if you want to keep this radio in case the power goes out and you want to hear the local updates, okay time to decide if you should save the backup garden hose (not the ones outside, this one is in the house) it's perfectly good but do you need a backup?, okay where did those copies of the death certificate go, okay it's started snowing so is it still time to call the thrift store to come pick up this dresser that's finally empty and can be taken away or should I wait until the second one is empty and they can take both at the same time, okay time to figure out which of these bottles still has cleaner in it and which he kept just in case he could use the bottle, okay time to decide-- And that's on top of the dishes need to be put away, the laundry is still going, and there is so. much. dust. It gives me something to do, which I'm thankful for, but also it's so many decisions. Anyone going through this or has gone through it in the past, line up with me, we're getting some back pats for this RIGHT NOW. ;)

Pre-Christmas Update

It's Christmas Eve and I usually look back in the year now because little changes between now and NYE.

Most recently we've been caught up with trying to get the Christmas food sorted. A friend has been helping us out pretty regularly to make sure we had food and she was lovely enough to offer funds to do Christmas food. After some back and forth (and a budget) I sent her the final amount and.... Haven't heard anything since. She's been online and she's been active but she's just ignored our chat.

I don't mind that things change for people, she's under no obligation to help us at all, just... communicate that? Just a simple "I'm sorry, I can't anymore" and it's totally fine.

We pooled resources and got the food for the next week or so but we're down to our last £30 now. Money that's spoken for on other small bills so we have to say a prayer to whomever is listening that we have no emergencies that require money until next month 🤣

The car is still part of a court case that we're looking at February before we hear anything about and if this doesn't work...then we're out of options on that front because any other expenses will be out of pocket and we won't be able to claim them back.

We have been given permission to scrap it, so that's something at least but the maximum of £250 we'll get for it, is a far stretch from the £1600 we paid plus garage fees and legal fees (so closer to £2000 total).

We were looking forward to being able to head out for NYE drinks at the local; nothing OTT just a couple of drinks and bringing in the NY with other people. Looks like we'll be doing it at home again and that's got us feeling a little ... Blah?

I recently also found out that an uncle who found my Gran through a TV show (Long Lost Family UK) was only ever looking for Gran... Not everyone that came with her - he has no real interest in staying in contact with us after Gran died. I hope she haunts him for that.

On the plus side, I still have a few family members and my chosen family. I still have regular work outside of my adult stuff and plans for other stuff which I WILL GET DONE THIS COMING YEAR GOD DAMNIT I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING!!

My health may not be amazing but I can do more now than I could a couple of years ago. My mental health isn't the best but the meds keep me stable and for that I'm grateful as hell.

I have appointments that I've been waiting 5+ years for in January and that should help one way or another; answers to questions I've had since I was a kid.

And I have amazing friends who have mentally and physically and every other way supported us through one hell of a year and I'm so fucking grateful for them and I will be sure to make them know it.

I'm wishing everyone happy holidays and I know many of us are struggling so here's to a better new year. I hope 2024 is good to us all; we deserve it.

Small rant about Lorien Legacies and stuff bc I wanna get it off my chest

I first heard about this series in like 2015 when I watched the movie with my dad and brother. I really liked the plot but I didn't know the books existed so I just kinda forgot about it.

Fast forward to 2017/2018 when I watched the movie again and I loved it sm but I didn't look it up any further bc I was stupid.

Then a few months later I was at my local library searching the science fiction section for something to read. And what do I see there? The mf ian4 book. I immediately remembered the movie and thought "well if I liked the movie I will love the book." I was right bc my 12 year old self was so happy with it. That book was my escape from all of the other bullshit that was happening in my life. My childhood best friend had just moved away to Germany and my friend group fell apart, leaving me lonelier than ever. Adding to that, my parents never took me seriously so I couldn't talk to them about any of that.

After reading ian4 in less than a week I borrowed po6 and fell in love with the series even more. The books made me feel special. And they made me feel like I'm not alone. Like there are people in the world just waiting to meet me and be my friends. I always felt like an outsider at my school and this series made it feel like a blessing rather than a curse. Marina and Six meeting up felt like a sign that someone is eventually going to save me from everything like Six "saved" Marina.

When I went back to the library to borrow ro9 I found out that it wasn't translated to my language. That made me a little sad but I knew I would find a way to read it. I didn't really know about pirating back then so when I found pirating sites it was like I was discovering a whole new part of the Internet. I would've ordered the books online but most of the time they're sent from the USA and the shipping is wayyyyyy too expensive. My english wasn't the best back then but I was fluent enough to read the books.

I remember thinking we would meet all of the Garde while reading ro9. I was so excited for Five bc that was my favourite number at the time. So ofc I was a little disappointed when I finished the book and Five was nowhere to be found. But that's what made him even better for me.

It felt like he was left out of everything interesting and he was missing out on bonding with the rest of the Garde. Then I looked him up and got Eight's death spoiled. I didn't really know how to feel about that so I just went to read the next book to finally meet Five.

Tfo5 made me hate Sam bc his pov is so annoying. He always has something to say even if it was uncalled for. He was so rude to Five for no reason (just like everyone else). Five is so awkward in this book and that made me fall in love with him. I love awkward characters bc they remind me of me. Five stood out to me even more than anyone else tho. It is so obvious that the authors wanted us to hate Five but he was so relatable to me that I couldn't hate him. I sometimes feel like we're the same person. I felt awful when Eight died obviously but I felt even worse for Five. He was manipulated and he was brainwashed. It wasn't his fault. He never wanted anyone to get hurt he literally wanted to protect them. But in the end it seems like anything he does just hurts others more.

I don't really have anything interesting to say about the other books. I hated how everyone treated Five with 0 sympathy. He deserved better. It was kinda obvious in Fugitive Six that it was him working with Einar. I was glad to see him actually having friends and hanging out with people the way he was supposed to with the Garde.

It's sad that he always knew he wouldn't get along with the Garde. It must've been horrible to see his worst fear coming to life. I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything is gonna be okay :((

I don't know what to say about rtz. The authors didn't even bother to write about the Garde getting a new scar after his death. Nor did they give us any hints that he might be alive. It's like they just wanted to get rid of him so they don't have to write about him anymore.

I think I read the novellas after the main series. I read Five's Legacy first (obviously). It just made me love him even more. He's literally perfect in every way. I just wish he was a little more appreciated in the series.

Steph's Crew - Part 1: Exam Week

(cw - strong language)

Intro:

Stephanie Smith is a spunky British teenage girl living in London. She has been through a lot in her life, and is used to moving around from place to place, but when she hangs out with her friends, Alice, Elise, Dylan and Bret, she finally feels settled. Like she’s finally found a place where she belongs.

Stephanie’s crew are approaching the end of their years of secondary education. At this time, people their age are thinking more and more about what they want out of their lives, and preparing to face the future.

Steph and the crew have been doing this, too. Sort of.

After a long period of studying and stress, Stephanie, Alice, Elise, Bret, and Dylan are ready to celebrate the end of exam week.

(Chilling in the common room)

After their final exam...

Stephanie: Holy crap, I can't believe exams are finally over! God, I’m exhausted…

Alice: I know right? I feel like I've been stuck in a never-ending cycle of studying and stress-eating.

Elise: Oh my gosh, I couldn't agree more!

Bret: Fucking finally! I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Dylan: Yeah, I'm just glad I don't have to look at another one of those damn textbooks ever again. At least, not for a little bit.

Stephanie: Amen to that. So, what should we do now that we're free? Party?

Alice: Yeah! We should hit up the local club. Let’s go out and have some fun.

Elise: Oh my gosh... I don't know if that's such a good idea. I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of environment. I mean, I’ve never been. I’m not even sure I know how to do it right…

Stephanie: Um... You’re not sure you know how to have fun right?

Bret: Ughhhh... Come on El, live a little. It's not like we're gonna die if we go, or something.

Dylan: Yeah, plus we'll all be there to look out for each other. It'll be fun.

Elise: I suppose that's true. Ok, then. I'll give it a try. (smiles)

Stephanie: Yes! Let's do it. We deserve to let loose after all the hard work we've put in.

Bret: Damn right, we do. Let’s go!

Dylan: Yeah, let's go out and get trashed.

Stephanie: Sounds like a plan to me.

Elise: Eh, not a big alcohol person.

Alice: (gasps) Oh, no. I can't drink, guys. Not this time. My parents would kill me if they found out!

Bret: What the hell, man? You're nearly 18, it's not like you're a kid anymore.

Alice: I know, I know. But I can't risk getting grounded. Remember, we have prom coming up. If I get in any kind of trouble, I won’t be allowed to go!

Stephanie: Don't worry, girl. We’re here for you. We'll keep an eye on you and make sure you don't get into too much trouble.

Dylan: Yeah, and we'll just tell your parents that we were all hanging out at the library or something. Don’t worry about it. (puts arm around Alice in support)

Stephanie: Haha, good one Dylan. But let's be real, we all know the library is the last place we'll be tonight. I mean, exam week is over.

Bret: Fucking right. Let's go get drunk. Come on, I’ve been waiting for this all week!

Alice: Okay, okay. I'll come.

Elise: Me too. I don’t want to drink, though. I'm just going to stick with a nice Pepsi or something.

Stephanie: Suit yourself, El. But we're not responsible for what happens when you inevitably succumb to peer pressure.

Alice: Haha, true that.

Elise: Oh, shut up, guys.

Receiving their exam results

Stephanie: I can't believe I got a C on that Physics paper! What the hell?

Alice: Girl, consider yourself lucky. I got a fucking D in Physics. I'm officially dumb as shit.

Bret: I got a U in most of mine, but I don't give a fuck. That test was bullshit anyways.

Stephanie: Ok, but Bret, you literally always say that. You're never going to pass your exams unless you start giving a fuck.

Bret: Says the girl who got a C. At least I'm consistent in my failure…

Stephanie: Ok, but it's not like I completely failed! Like you! With your... U...

Alice: Hey, at least you’re not alone. We're all stuck in the same boat of stupidity.

Stephanie: Yeah, let's just hope the next exam isn't a motherfucking sink or swim situation…

Bret: Yeah. Fuck that, I'm drowning anyways. Pass me another drink.

Alice: Yeah, let's just drink away all our problems.

Stephanie: Cheers to that, assholes.

(Dylan and Elise walk in)

Stephanie: Hey Dylan, El, what'd you guys get in your papers?

Dylan: I got a B in my Maths paper, not too shabby.

Alice: Nice!

Dylan: Yeah, I’m actually pretty proud of that. What about you, El?

Elise: I got an A!

Stephanie: Wow, an A! That's so amazing, El! Well done.

Alice: Yeah, way to go! I'm so jealous, I only got a D.

Dylan: Dang, girl. You're killing it! Good job.

Bret: Whatever, man. Grades don't actually matter in the real world. When you think about it.

Stephanie: Oh, come on Bret, you know they do. Look at Elise, she's kicking ass and taking names.

Alice: Yeah, I mean, she’s definitely motivated me to study harder for the next one.

Elise: Thanks, you guys. I've just been putting in a lot of effort. (smiles)

Dylan: Good for you, El. Working hard pays off in the end. You should try it sometime, Bret.

(Bret rolls his eyes at this comment)

Stephanie: Well, we should celebrate! Let's go out! Drinks on me.

Bret: Fucking finally, I've been waiting for this all week!

Elise: You always say that, Bret.

Alice: Yeah, let's do it!

Dylan: Sounds good to me. I'm in!

Aaaaand that's it! This is a snippet of a story I'm working on about a young girl named Stephanie Smith who goes through a LOT of crazy stuff with her friends. I mean, nothing crazy is happening here, obviously, but later on things go insane. I don't want to give anything away right now, but... yeah.

This style of writing dialogue isn't usually how I write (and not ALL of it is going to be included in the story). I just wanted to play around with the characters for a bit, and think of ways to set up their dynamic and their personalities by coming up with things for them to say and how they would interact in an ordinary setting.

Let me know what you think of these characters! Which one is your favourite? I think mine is probably Alice right now. It changes all the time, though.

Twisted Wonderland: Eng Release Ground Rules

First of all, after 84 years of waiting and hoping we've finally got it. An official, Twisted Wonderland localization is arriving in a few agonizing weeks!

Now then, with that out the way, let's get some ground rules set up for the oncoming storm.

Translations, translations, translations: Ok starting off, let's all agree to be calm about differences we see in translations. I know we've all gotten used to fan translations, which speaking of, y'all are the true MVPs. Literally without y'all doing the Herculean task of translating all this text, the fandom would be barely a twinkle in any of our eyes so thank you all so much for your going on 2 years of work. But for the rest of us, let's not get mad if things aren't exactly how we pictured it, some things will have to be changed, some jokes will not work in English.

-Tsunotaro is a big one, they will have to change the joke or translate it directly people

-We've already seen Dormleaders-Housewardens, and Headmaster-Headmage. These are things we will have to get used to like it or not. Now then, since we only have a limited scope on other changes let's move onto

2. Fandoms will Fandom: I know many friends and other people in the community are worried about new people coming into the fandom and being toxic. And as much as I hate it alongside you, if this comes to pass, we must accept its a natural state of the internet. I don't have a solution to this, other than stay to your friend group, ignore the toxic people, or try and spread more positivity that outweighs the bad. And finally, we have to be open minded about new people entering the fandom, not everyone will be a toxic little gremlin, nor will everyone be a perfect angel. We must take people as they come and not try and generalize new people. Because if we act uppity and give new people the wrong impression of us, they will feel jaded and then spread more negativity. Basically it's good to be worried, but let's not be gatekeeping people, we all enjoy the game and the characters so let's allow others to enjoy it too like we did.

3. Spoilers: This is gonna be the shortest one, but it's important as well, when the game is officially out for English, we have to be careful not to spoil new people as best we can. We don't know how they'll release the chapters yet, but assuming it's like Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 at launch, as hard as it will be, just please be careful with spoilers of future chapters. New people deserve to go in fresh like we did.

4: Just don't be Toxic: This is a general rule but it connects to everything else, just don't be toxic as we're all here to just enjoy ourselves. If you see drama you don't wanna be a part of, or see a person who's toxic, use the block button and treat yourself to what you enjoy in the fandom. No one toxic is worth your time and mental health.

5. Gacha rules: This is just be careful with your money, this is still a gacha after all so just be responsible. Only spend when you can afford to, and stop yourself if you're spending too much. You don't need everything at the cost of you paying rent or affording food and basic necessities. I'm sure you can get some things again at one point or another, Disney doesn't need anymore money, especially your own.

Soooo, yeah these are my 5, don't be jerks list for when the game gets released, thanks for coming to my ted talk!

And if you have anything to add, please reblog and add what rules you'd want to see as well!

Pre-registration begins Dec 21

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 21

First time reader click here

TWs/SUMMARY: Wanda fluff, Loki fluff, we're getting a whole ass friendship! Dad sucks. The outfits are neat tho! Check the end for a mood board 😍

a/n: dress inspo and aesthetic visuals can be found here, here and here. (Paolo Sebastian, Firefly Path gowns and Viona Ielegems photography).

"Gi-i-irl..." Wanda drawled, seeing me arrive with Tony, both of us freshly showered and still hazy from the amazing orgasms. God only knew what she'd seen in both of our heads - if judging only by the vivid, crimson blush she spouted, it was definitely something very NSFW. Bruce already sat at the dinner table, quietly slurping his soup, his back and shoulders the most relaxed I'd ever seen. He gave me a knowing smile once he noticed my presence in my usual spot by his side.

The rest of the team appeared completely oblivious, preoccupied by their food.

"So, about the party. Got any costume ideas?" I cut straight to the chase, unwilling to wait for Wanda to start asking for details right in front of everyone.

Steve, Bucky, Pietro, Thor and Natasha all answered affirmative, the latter whacking Clint upside the head and firmly stating "no funny business". I couldn't help but wonder what kind of crazy shit the Bird had in mind and was kind of disappointed at Nat's intervention. A good chaotic moment was always worthwhile in my opinion!

The other bird, Sam, approached Bruce with caution as he wondered if the scientist was interested in doing a paired costume with him, only to be interrupted by Tony declaring, with childish glee, he had a "wicked project" that he and Bruce would be doing together. The scientist gave a resigned sigh and apologized.

Sam wasn't deterred by the slight setback; he approached Clint instead and after being given an okay from Natasha, the Birds decided to pair up. As they should, if you'd ask me.

"I have a costume but I need some accessories. Wanda, Lokes, join me on my lil' shopping trip?" I prompted, wanting everybody to be included. I was fully prepared for Loki to scoff and dismiss my invitation but the Asgardian nodded after a second of brief speechlessness. Didn't anyone invite him to birthday parties as a kid? Either way, Thor gave me a grateful smile, like a proper big brother. Both Asgardians had grown visibly closer during the past couple of months which made me hide a secretive smile behind a spoonful of soup.

It turned out, Loki hadn't exactly been introduced to the buzzing beehive that is NYC. He didn't get out much and when he needed to be somewhere, the man simply teleported to the desired destination. As convenient as it must've been, I still expressed my outrage at his lack of experience doing the usual "touristy" things that, in my opinion, every non-newyorker was obligated to do when visiting. Yes, even if said visitor had literally traveled across different galaxies.

Wanda wasn't much better in terms of city knowledge. According to her, she'd lived here for several years already but never bothered to go beyond the borders of the block surrounding the Avengers tower. The witch didn't have friends outside of her teammates (therapy. they all needed so much therapy. y'all...) so she simply saw no point in going anywhere beyond the local mall.

Which was trash. I mean, I loved Hot Topic and Forever 21 as much as any other young adult with depression and anxiety but it was literally impossible to wear clothes made out of cheap cotton and polyester all the time. I'm pretty sure I would have hives and ulcers if I attempted that.

"We're going on Sixth Avenue and that's final. No friend of mine will be wearing shit from Wal-Mart at a Stark party," I interrupted Wanda's defensive stuttering, using my other hand to summon an Uber.

"That is good advice," Loki, previously silent, added in a sweet tone. I counted on the fashionable Asgardian to be on my side and with his schmoozing skills, I didn't even have to drag Wanda inside the car by, like, her hair or whatever. The three of us barely fit into the small Toyota anyway.

A thought struck me when I had to consciously avoid stepping on Loki's leather shoes and keep away my elbow from Wanda's stomach. "Mister? I'll give you a hundred bucks cash if you turn around and drive to this address," I hurriedly rattled off my home address, delighting in the way the driver nearly did a U-turn at the mention of crispy dollar bills.

We arrived home quickly. Wanda gaped in mild disbelief at the size of my house while Loki looked about as interested as he'd ever be. His face was akin to an expression one made while smelling fresh manure. Opening the garage, I was greeted with an unpleasant surprise of my dad's outrageously painted Corvette standing neatly by my white Range Rover.

Loki looked and felt considerably less tense in the back of my car. The subtle signs of discomfort all but left his face replaced by slight wonder as I explained how to adjust the temperature and turn on the heated seats.

Dad met us at the gates. "You didn't come in to say hello," He pouted. His breath reeked like a five-day drinking binge hangover and he looked a dead man.

"We're in a hurry, dad. There's a lot to be done," I replied curtly, hoping to get rid of him fast. I hated being sober around my drunk father. My fingers twitched on the steering wheel.

"You're like your mother, always busy," Dad's laugh was coarse and bitter. "But at least you find time for Stark and his friends. That'll do your future real good," He clapped once on the hood of my car, heading back to the house with a wave of his hand, just in time to miss the disgusted shudder that ran through me.

I knew my dad well enough to understand the implications of what he meant by his words. In his world, fucking way up to the top was considered the norm. I'd rather cut off my own foot than use Tony that way.

"Sorry you had to see that. I thought he was still in Cali," I gritted my teeth, pulling out of the driveway.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that. I have no kind words regarding your father," Loki's look was sympathetic in the rearview mirror.

"Or your mother," Wanda added, messing with her seatbelt. Loki nodded tersely.

"Aight, aight," I sighed, set on improving the mood. "Let's not poop this party. We're getting some absolutely delicious beverages and wasting my money on outrageous pretty things. My treat."

Wanda's protests were drowned out by Motorhead and Loki's grumbling was overshadowed by Guns'n'Roses. Their resistance didn't stand a chance. Few blocks out, the witch was singing along to November Rain, heavily accented and terribly off-key, and the Asgardian watched New York city intently behind the protection of the tinted rear windows of my ride. He seemed mesmerized by the crowds and the variety of colorful shop fronts. This was the the one and only reason I eased off the gas pedal and drove the speed limit for once.

The atmosphere was, well, magical. Looking at my two companions, I discovered the familiar city anew with every question they asked, every remark they made. The desire to ask in turn about their homelands melted like the tension I was harbouring after the run-in with my father. Content and warm, I had my attention divided between Loki and Wanda juggling their wonder back-and-forth between themselves and the absolutely crazy NYC traffic.

So what if I parked in a no-parking zone just to get us the most delicious coffee in the city? Loki, the resident tea person, ordered himself something unpronounceable, something that made the barista twitch. Wanda got a sugary-sounding vanilla-white chocolate perversion. I just got a mocha, having had outgrown my adolescent desires to experiment with "how sweet can I make this coffee before I literally puke?" beverages.

With a laugh, I instructed them to pose in front of the nearest reflective surface to brag about our coffees on Instagram - this café deserved more recognition. My companions reluctantly obliged.

I wonder if the barista realized just who had bought the coffee - Loki was quite a media darling when it came to fangirls. Tony's PR team did a wonderful job on the Asgardian's redemption arc. The trickster only fueled the utter devotion his fangirls had for him by being extra nice and charming in every video I've seen. I guess you can't out-mindcontrol manners outta somebody, he was raised a prince after all.

It wasn't raining but the autumn chill seeped into the tiny spaces between my layers of clothing. I already managed to regret my fashionable dark academia inspired outfit at least twice, however the matching vibe all three of us had was positively dashing. Loki, wearing his usual onyx black and dark green. Wanda with a burgundy sweater dress and thigh high platformed boots - sweater dresses, out of all things, had no business looking this good on anybody. But she pulled it off.

"You said you've got a costume. Mind sharing what it is?" The witch said, curiously peeking into the windows of a nearby vintage boutique as we took our leisurely stroll with steaming paper cups keeping our fingers warm.

"A fairy dress. It was custom made for me last year and I actually didn't get to wear it. I need some jewelry to go with it," I explained, stopping to show a photo of the dress on my smartphone. "And some shoes, too. Let's hope the party will be held completely indoors, otherwise I'll freeze my ass off."

"Custom made?" Wanda squeaked, looking at the garment in wonder. Loki gave a vaguely approving nod.

"Yeah, there's a company that makes these fantasy dresses. You want one? What did you have in mind for your costume anyway?" I switched the topic quickly, seeing how Wanda withdrew into herself slightly. I heard from Peter she grew up poor, in the middle of a war and I didn't want to make her feel bad or anything. I wasn't good at these things...

"I thought maybe I could match with you," She replied, slowly taking a sip of her coffee.

"Sure. There are a couple of shops with really cute dresses that fit the aesthetic." Marchesa. We need a Marchesa store. And a Zuhair Murad - if there was one on this stretch of road. "What about you, Lokes? Anything in particular strike your fancy?" I asked our silent companion, frantically googling the information I needed.

"Black," He answered moodily.

"Boo, you whore," I rolled my eyes at his scoff. We had watched the Mean Girls recently and he got the reference, immediately raising a sarcastic eyebrow. "You know, you could do so much with this pale aristocratic look you've got going on. How about a medieval vampire?"

"Like Lestat? He's fucking hot," Wanda and I understood each other promptly. She jumped on the bandwagon immediately.

Combining my blunt honesty and her adorable fawning over a fictional bloodsucker, we managed to convince Loki into going on a hunt for brocaded, velvet suits and blouses with ruffles for his look. The trickster revolted at the mere suggestion of procuring some fake fangs, instead magically making them appear and showing them off in the middle of the crowded sidewalk, much to my and Wanda's delighted shrieking. He looked, I daresay, very attractive, like a porcelain figurine. Delicate but dangerous.

We arrived at the store that showcased beautiful, airy dresses of silk, chiffon and tulle. The lace was delicate and the seams invisible. I ushered Wanda into a dressing room with a shop attendant that was quietly but strictly instructed to not discuss the cost of the dresses and hide the price tags.

"I want it to be a gift. My friend here deserves no less than a magical experience," I explained quietly, winking at a bewildered Loki.

"Why did you do that?" He asked once Wanda was given a selection of several dresses in flattering colours and led into a separate dressing room.

"These dresses, they're special so they're a bit pricey. And knowing Wanda, she'll make a scene and refuse to let me buy them for her," I idly twirled my phone in my hands. "But every girl wants to be a princess and it's kinda sad she never got to be one. It's more than just a dress, it's more than feeling pretty, although it's a big part of it. She'll feel on top of the world."

Loki nodded. I'm certain he didn't understand it - being a man and all - and I wasn't sure I understood it completely, too. I never lacked pretty or expensive things, always got whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. But for a moment, I thought how it must've been for Wanda - seeing all these girls on TV, looking like pictures - and never having the chance to experience that. A concept that made me so sad, I was tempted to ask the customer service person for a glass of scotch. Being poor sounded depressing as hell.

Suddenly, Loki's cool, large hand landed on mine. "Thank you. I am certain Wanda will be the most beautiful lady at the ball."

I stared at him. Loki understood.

"Well, I... I don't know how finicky you are on gender labels for clothes, but there were a couple of blouses you might want to check out. They've got the neck ruffles and shit." My throat suddenly seized up and I had to clear it before speaking, steering away from the uncomfortably emotional moment. Thankfully, Loki wandered off without as much as a word.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

& the promised aesthetic

ssa hotchner: chapter 1 - the blazer

TW: harrassment, talk about a case

WC : 5,920 

series masterlist

-----------------------------------

"aaron! hey," you answered the phone after hitting enter on the final file you had to upload to the computer.

"y/n! how are you?" your brother questioned kindly.

"um, i've been better," you started, trying to figure out how to tell him the bad news.

"what happened?" aaron asked as he finished filling out the final file he had before noon. "is it about that promotion?" he rolled his eyes, recalling the events of last time you were up for a promotion.

"yea... it is," you sorrowfully revealed. "i uh... i didn't get it. again," you sighed out as you closed your laptop and put it in your bag. "can you... what are you doing for lunch?"

"well the team and i were gonna go out to a local thai place right around the corner from the bau, you could join if you'd like," he replied, wanting to be there for his sister any chance he could. "you know how much they love you."

"i just don't really think my mood is relative to that of a person who's going out with a crowd of people, y'know?" you placed the device in your bag and closed it, pulling it over your shoulder after grabbing your keys from the bag. "besides, i haven't met all of your team yet. dr. reid wasn't there the last time i saw you at my birthday because he was visiting his mother, remember?" you brought up, hoping he wouldn't feel too bad for you.

"y/n, just come to lunch with us. the last case went well, and everyone's pretty excited about that. maybe that'll help put you in a better mood?" aaron suggested as he gathered his things to go out for lunch. "and reid will actually be there this time so you'll be able to meet him," arron smiled at the thought of you meeting the young genius.

"are you sure? i really don't want to impose on your post-case celebrations, aaron," you rebutted as you walked out of the doors of the office you've been working at for nearly 8 years.

"i'm positive. everyone would love to see you again," emily walked into the office, noticing the smile he was wearing that he only has when he's talking to you.

"is that y/n?" emily questioned with a bright smile as hotch nodded. "tell her i said hi! and that i really miss her! oh wait are you talking her into coming to lunch with us?" her eyes widened at the possibility of seeing you again.

"yea, i'm trying to get her to realize that she won't be imposing on us if she comes," the dark haired man sighed.

"here, give me the phone. you know she can't resist my charm," emily teased, you laughed from hearing the remark over the phone as hotch handed it to her. "y/n hotchner. you are going to go to lunch with us whether you like it or not," emily demanded with a smirk.

"oh, yes. there's that charm i know and love, em," you giggled as you put your keys in the ignition, realization setting in that you should probably just go to lunch with them since you have no other plans and are already in your car. "fine. i'll go. should i meet you there or at the office?"

"just meet us there. we're like five minutes away and with morgan's driving it'll be cut in half," emily scolded.

"okay. i'm on my way now. should be maybe 10 minutes," you announced. "i'll see you guys there," you said before hanging up the phone and beginning to drive.

you had been working at a law firm near the bau for nearly 8 years. in fact, next week would make it officially 8 years. the office was run by a few men, under the US district attorney, who you've come to find out are misogynistic pricks who don't like putting women in positions of authority.

you got hired on about 5 months out of law school, columbia law school to be exact. you have an associates in business and a masters criminology, law, psychology. your original dream was to work at the bau with your big brother, clearly, but those dreams changed since you graduated from columbia.

you pulled into the parking lot of 'thailand eatery,' a bau team favorite, and noticed aaron's car parked in the far corner. you smiled to yourself as you found a spot beside him and got out to make your way inside.

"hi, i'm here with aaron hotchner for lunch," you sweetly announced to the hostess before she nodded.

"right this way, ma'am," you followed her to the table full of fbi agents, noticing their laughter that erupted for some unknown reason.

one seat was open next to aaron and emily. you placed your blazer on your seat and a hand on both of their shoulders to announce your arrival. they looked at you in surprise before realizing who you were, big smiles crossing their faces.

"y/n!" arron excitedly announced before standing to give you a nice bear hug. "it's so good to see you," he whispered in your ear kindly.

"i know. it's been a while since we've been able to do this," you grinned widely as you wrapped your arms around his torso.

"okay, okay..." emily interrupted. "this is sweet and all, but i haven't been able to see you since your birthday last year," she announced before you traded your brother's arms for hers.

"it's good to see you, em" you laughed as she squeezed you tightly.

"where the hell have you been! i've missed you," she pouted as you both unwrapped your arms from each other.

"y'know, working for the usual pricks i do... and that's pretty much it," you shrugged as you made your way around the table to hug penelope.

"what have they been doing to you this time, my little sugar plum?" penelope asked sweetly as you gave her another hug.

"the usual, pen. just the usual," you sighed into her ear as you began to hug derek. "but let's not get into that know, yea? i heard you guys had a successful case the other day! that's exciting!" you announced as derek wrapped his arms around you, picking you up and swinging you around a bit.

if you're honest, derek is like a second big brother to you. he was there for you when your brother got stabbed in his own home and was in a coma. he comforted you in your home when you were sobbing on the floor because it wasn't safe for you to visit your own flesh and blood.

"hell yea it was," derek smiled into your ear before placing you down and giving you a chaste peck on the cheek. "but if i need to kick some ass at that work place of yours i won't even hesitate," he whispered into your ear as he rose from your cheek.

"now, now, derek," you tapped his chest playfully. "i don't need you kicking my bosses down like you would a door, as exhilarating as that sounds," you chuckled aimlessly.

"bella, care to indulge me in what they're doing at that office of yours?" rossi said as you made your way to hug him.

"it's not that big of a deal, dave. i'm sure i'm just overreacting again," you sighed as you released him from his hug.

"not a big deal?" aaron butted in. "y/n, you deserved that promotion and they looked you over, yet again," he sassed. "i don't think that's overreacting," he rolled his eyes.

"i know i deserved it, but..." you sighed, weighing all the possibilities. "actually there's no buts. i've worked there for 8 years and have gotten two promotions. i guess i'm just really disappointed," you reasoned, trying not to start crying from the anger bubbling up inside of you.

"two promotions in eight years?" rossi questioned, noticing the annoyed look on your face at the thought. "do those assclowns not realize what an amazing worker you are?" david asked in disbelief.

"i don't know... i guess?" you questioned. "i just don't want to think about that right now," you said as you hugged jj in return.

"are you kidding? we've been to a few of your cases," the blond added. "you're amazing, y/n." jj complimented. "rossi's right. they must be absolutely blind if they don't see what a great worker you are."

"thank you, jayge," you smiled at her before realizing there was one more person at the table.

you'd seen him in pictures, and had heard enough about him to remember a few key points. he's a genius with three phd's, three ba's, he has a thing with germs, he's a bit awkward, and absolutely handsome. the pictures you've seen didn't do him justice.

"i'm assuming you're the famous dr. spencer reid?" you asked, not bothering to reach for a hug or handshake.

"i uhm, yes i am. dr. sp-spencer reid. or you can call me spen-spencer," he cleared his throught. "or reid, or basically whatever you'd uh- whatever you'd prefer," he stuttered out, sitting awkwardly in his chair and barely maintaining eye contact.

"how about we just go with spencer?" you asked as you made your way to your seat beside your brother. "my name's-"

"y/n hotchner, yes," he smiled at you as your brother pushed your chair in for you, you muttering a small 'thank you' in return. "i've uhm... i've heard a lot about you," he stammered.

"oh dear, let me go ahead and apologize in that case," you joked, eliciting laughter from your friends at the table.

"actually, there's uhm - there's no need to apologize. everything i heard was," he sniffled, "really good. it was all good," his lips formed into a line as he nodded at his own words.

"well then i guess i have to mention how great everyone's made you out to be. i mean, a three phds and three ba's at only, what? 34? that's beyond incredible, spencer," you complimented the gorgeous man sitting beside your brother.

"oh uhm, th-thank you, y/n," he blushed. cute.

"it's no problem at all. i mean it's not everyday that you meet a genius that's as young and handsome as you are," you laughed, taking a sip of the water that your brother had ordered for you before you arrived, not even realizing the compliment you had payed to his looks. shit. now you realized. you cleared your thought before acting like you didn't even say anything.

"oh! uhm, th-thank you, again. you're uhm - you're very - you too. not that you're handsome, but that you're very..." he trailed off, biting his lower lip to refrain from humiliating himself even more.

"well then, pretty boy, you sure do have a way with words," morgan teased, eliciting a jab in the stomach from penelope.

"derek morgan, if you do not shut up," penelope scowled.

meanwhile, you turned your head to notice your brother staring oddly at 'pretty boy' who was looking sheepishly at you. you nudged your brother's arm playfully, capturing his attention.

"stare any harder at him and he might explode, aaron," you whispered in his ear, being sure not to look at spencer.

"maybe that needs to happen with the way he's looking at you, y/n," he rebutted.

it's true. if anyone else had been looking at you that way, arron probably would've mentioned that he's in the fbi and that he has more than two guns to scare them away. since it was spencer, everything was different.

"shush, it's just a little crush. what's the worst that could happen?" you rolled your eyes at his protectiveness. "he'll be over it by the end of lunch," you announced, not noticing the way aaron rolled his eyes at your assumption.

aaron had seen spencer around girls enough to know that when he got flustered around them it usually meant something more than just a little crush in spencer's mind. that also means that arron knows that spencer would never try to do anything with you because you're his sister.

"fine," he relished, not wanting to bother with the genius's sure infatuation with you when this is the first time he's gotten to see his own sister in a while. "so you wanted to talk to me about something?" he changed the subject.

"right," you twiddled with your thumbs and looked down into your lap. "ikindaputinmytwoweeksnoticeatthefirmoceifoundoutaboutthepromotion," you rambled out, casually taking a sip of your drink as if you didn't just say you quit your job of 8 years.

"you did what?" he asked in confusion, not understanding what you said.

"i put in my two weeks notice once i found out about the promotion," you slowed down so he could understand, his eyes going wide upon the understanding.

"that's... what you wanted to do, right?" he questioned, not wanting to give you the wrong reaction.

"yea, i think so," you started. "i was just so tired of getting looked over just because of my gender, y'know? i've had to prove myself in everything i've ever done. i think i've more than proved myself at the firm," you announced, still trying to find your own confidence.

:you have, y/n. you've more than proved yourself to be an amazing lawyer," he agreed. "sometimes i'm convinced you might work harder than we do," he scoffed.

"there's no way, a," you laughed at the ridiculous statement. "i've just put my all into the firm. all my time, attention, and hard work has gone into that place. the reason that place is where it is right now is because of me," you pouted.

"i remember. i brought the whole team to the case that put the firm on the map. even reid was there," he stated.

"spencer was at that case?" you asked, not remembering him saying hi afterwords.

"yea, he was. he just got pulled away because of troubles with his mom," you 'ohh'ed at the revelation. "but that case was the hardest one i've ever seen a lawyer handle, y/n."

"thank you," you smiled at the compliment.

"no, i mean it," he relished. "i don't even think i would've won that case. that's what brought everyone to the firm. it was a high profile case, one that the bau was on. of course there was going to be a big turnout. you handled the press, and the pressure amazingly."

it was a case the bau had worked on for nearly a week and a half, and they needed you to further convince the jury that who they caught was the right unsub because of the amount of circumstantial evidence. you were able to get the unsub flustered, and admit to his own crime on the stand with the press in the room.

it was possibly the best case you'd ever gotten because the amount of publicity you'd gotten. but with publicity there came quite a few complications that you hadn't told anyone about.

"that's just the big brother in you talking," you giggled, trying to brush the compliment off naturally.

"whatever you say, y/n. whatever you say," he brought his drink up to his mouth to take a sip.

"so, how was the last case you were on?" you asked, quite intrigued by all the cases he would tell you when he had the chance.

"well, how about we start from the beginning since you like hearing about them so much?" he asked with a grin, you nodded eagerly.

"so it started with the unsub taking abducting his victims..."

throughout the case, you found yourself starting to profiling the suspects yourself, something your brother noticed too. i mean, how could you not do that? you had a degree in psychology and criminology so it made since that profiling them would be natural for you.

everyone at the table interrupted at their parts in the story. when david and jj went to the m.e., when aaron, emily, and derek went to the crime scene, spencer and the geo profile. you were fascinated by their work and everything they were able to do.

when you were younger and your brother had first started at the bau, he really enjoyed calling you to tell you about them. he loved your reactions and how enthusiastic you would become when he was talking. that's really when you first started dreaming about being in the bau, with aaron.

"ugh, y'know i used to dream of going on cases with you guys," you admitted after they finished wrapping up the case in words, taking a sip of your drink to wash your food down.

"really?" spencer asked, not stammering while talking to you for the first time all afternoon.

"yea. aaron would always tell me about the cases when you got back, and i could practically just imagine myself working them with him and you guys," you relished, a smile on your face as you recalled the memories of your younger self.

"i think you'd do excellent on the team," spencer suggested. "it's clear that you already work well with everyone, plus you're more than qualified to work with us, other than the fact that you'd need to go through the fbi training."

"actually i've already been through it," you nonchalantly admitted with a shrug.

"you have?" he questioned as his eyebrows raised in shock. "why haven't you decided to work at the fbi then?" you shrugged at his question.

"i guess i just thought i wouldn't fit in enough?" you said, clearly realizing the contradiction to your earlier statement about imagining yourself on the team. "besides, i got a job at the firm as soon as i got out of the academy, so it all worked out fine."

"actually, reid, that's a good idea," aaron said as he turned his attention to you. "would you be interested in working at the bau with us?" he asked with a small grin, the thought of working with his sister already bringing a smile to his face.

"wh-don't-wouldn't you have to ask your boss about that? that's a big change, adding a new member to a team. you guys already work so well together..." you trailed off, trying to come up with an excuse.

"strauss?" derek asked in feigned disbelief. "she loves you, kid. which is kind of odd since it seems as though she doesn't like hotch as much," derek chuckled.

"oh my god! imagine it, y/n!" penny yelled in excitement. "you could see us everyday, and you wouldn't have to deal with those buttmunches you work for!" she announced.

"used to work for, two weeks from now," you laughed. "and it sounds amazing, but aaron already works there. i'm sure that's enough hotchner's for you guys," you shrugged with a smile.

"that's nonsense!" emily disagreed. "two of my favorite people working with me?! an absolute dream, i tell you," she grinned.

"i guess if you talk to erin about it and she's alright with it..." you trailed off with a huff. "how could i say no?" you smiled.

"oh my gosh this is so exciting!" penny announced, jumping up and rushing arounf the table to hug you. "i'm so ready to work with you!"

"let's not get too beyond ourselves, pen," you giggled. "she hasn't approved my addition yet."

"come on, she's gonna approve it, y/n," dave commented.

"whatever you guys say," you laughed.

you all finished eating, and received the check for lunch of which david insisted on paying. you went up to him afterwards and insisted on paying your part of the bill, but he said it was 'his treat for this wondrous occasion.'

you reluctantly made your way back to your office, the lingering stares from your bosses not going unnoticed. you couldn't wait for those two weeks to be over and for you to be able to leave that hell hole behind, whether you got the job at the bau or not.

you sat down in your chair and reached for your blazer only to realize you must've left it back at the restaurant. great. there goes that 50 bucks.

"hey, sweetcheeks," ron, one of your bosses, commented upon his entrance to your office.

"how many times do i have to tell you not to call me that?" you rolled your eyes, finishing up on the transcript you would need for the case you had tomorrow.

"oh, come on. you know you love it," he said, walking further into your office and sitting on the corner of your desk, ignoring the two chairs that remained across from you. you closed your computer and looked into his eyes, shooting daggers at him with your own.

"what do you want?" you spat at him, wanting to get him out of your hair as soon as possible.

"well, you won't be an employee in two weeks," he announced as if you hadn't already known.

"i'm well aware," you sassed back, trying not to slap him across the face at the fact that he was no longer looking at your eyes, rather further south from them. you snapped your fingers to bring his attention back to your face. "what. do. you. want?"

"well, honey pie, i was just wanting to take you out. y'know, after you're done here," he bit his lip, trying to be seductive but massively failing.

the terrible thing about this fool is, he doesn't know what the word 'no' means. he's always made passes at you, and commented on your appearance. it, of course, made you uncomfortable, but you couldn't really do anything about it. the hopes of getting a promotion was greater than your uncomfortability.

"i've seen the way you look at me, it's no secret," he said, getting off your desk and walking closer to you.

"you mean it's no secret that i find you absolutely repulsive?" you snapped. "shocker," you widened your eyes to feign surprise with your remark.

"are you serious?" he said, his 'seductive' smile now turning into a frown.

"are you serious?" you asked in disgust.

you placed your laptop in your bag, taking your keys out of the bag in the process and beginning to walk out of your office to avoid the man standing there. he grabbed your arm, forcing you to face him.

"don't walk away from me," he gritted, his face red with anger. his grip on your arm tightened, surely leaving a bruise in its wake.

"then don't fucking touch me," you said, attempting to yank your arm away from him, only failing to do so. "let go," you demanded.

"sorry, sweetcheeks, i didn't get that," he smirked. that fucker smirked at your struggle.

knock. knock. knock.

you turned to see whoever was at your door. it was none other than dr. spencer reid. holding your blazer in his hand. you furrowed your brows in confusion before ron decided to drop your arm.

"what the hell is going on?" spencer asked, his eyes not leaving ron's defensive stature as he placed the jacket on one of the chairs by your desk.

"nothing, right doll?" ron looked at you, a disgusting grin on his face.

"yea, right," you rolled your eyes.

spencer's eyes trailed back to you and your arm ron was once holding, right where the red mark is. you swore that if looks could kill, ron would've died the second spencer knocked on your door.

"then what's that on her arm?" he questioned, moving closer to you and pushing you behind him defensively. "you hurt her," he accused. you stepped to his side, noting the way he tried to take charge for you.

"spencer," you placed a hand on his arm, forgetting his thing about germs for a second in attempt to calm him down. "i can handle this," he turned to face you. "i've dealt with this asshole for nearly 8 years, isn't that right, ron?" you questioned with a sneaky grin.

"who the hell is this guy, sweetcheeks?" he questioned as if you had an obligation to tell him who he was.

"you don't get to know that. and you don't get to call me that, either," you reminded him, having to bite your lip to try not to explode on the guy.

"are you fucking this guy?" he accused you. you pushed spencer out of the way, and squinted your eyes at him in disbelief.

"you're seriously asking me that?" you asked. "if i was, it's still none of your fucking business, asshole!" you said getting closer to his face in order to make a point.

slap!

the asshole slapped you.

spencer quickly grabbed you and moved you out of the way before pushing the guy into the wall, knocking your fake plant over as well as a few books on the shelf on the wall. ron's face was smashed into the wall, one of his arms twisted behind his back as both were in spencer's grasp.

"don't you dare touch her. ever again," he demanded, twisting his arm even further, ron squirming to get out of his grip. "did you hear me?"

your hand cupped the side of your face, the sting from ron's wedding band hurting more than you would've thought.

"ahh! yes! yes, i heard you!" he squealed.  

"good. now you can apologize to her like a gentleman," he ordered, pushing his arm further up into his back to elicit another groan from the man, you had a hard time keeping a straight face from the scene in front of you.

"shit! ouch! okay! i'm sorry! i'm sorry!" he apologized in a high pitched tone, still trying to get out of spencer's grasp.

"good job," he released him from his grip, a sigh coming from ron at the freedom his arm received. "now go before i change my mind and cuff you right here," he ordered.

"cuff me?" he asked in disbelief. spencer pulled his fbi badge out, flashing it in ron's face, noticing the way his eyebrows shot up. "oh shit."

you moved your hand away from your face, looking at your hand and noticing the patch of blood that remained there. you wiped your cheek, trying to stop the blood flow.

"what did i just say?" spencer asked. "leave. now."

"right," ron said, walking back over towards the door, whispering to you on the way out. "don't bother coming to work tomorrow. or ever again."

"oh that'll be no problem, boss," you scoffed as he made his way out of the door, leaving you and spencer alone in your office.

"i'm uh, sorry about your plant," he pointed at the fake succulent that lay on the floor.

"it was fake anyway," you shrugged as you kneeled down to pick it up as spencer began picking the books up. "thank you, by the way," you smiled at the man.

"it's nothing, really," it was his turn to shrug. "hotch wouldn't have let me on the next case if i didn't intervene in whatever was going on."

oh. so that's why he helped you. of course it was. you were his superior's little sister, nothing else.

"so, what brings you here?" you asked as he offered you his hand to help you stand up, you gladly took it and rose to your feet. "oh sorry, you have a germ... my bad" you grimaced at the thought of making him uncomfortable.

"oh, don't worry about it. and i was actually here to bring you your blazer," he said, retrieving the jacket from the chair and giving it back to you. "i uhm, you forgot it at the restaurant."

"right, i noticed that once i got here. thank you," you thanked him, placing the jacket over your arm and picking up your bag. "you've already saved me twice today and we've only just met," you laughed.

"it seems that way," he smiled, walking with you out of the office. he gently grabbed your shoulder and turned you to face him once you were outside. "your face is bleeding, y/n."

"oh," you reached your hand up to notice the way the blood was still lightly flowing. "oops," you laughed.

"you should clean it up, you don't need to get that infected," he suggested, his hand tracing the outskirts of ron's handprint on your face.

"thanks for the recommendation, doc," you laughed. "i think i have some stuff back at my place that i could use."

"i'm so sorry that happened," he frowned slightly, his hand dropping to his side.

"ehh," you shrugged. "i'm sure you've seen worse. besides, i can handle myself," you said as he began walking with you in the direction of your car.

"let me see your arm?" he asked softly.

you brought it up closer to his eyesight. he gently grasped your arm, nothing like the way he had done to ron earlier in your office. his touch left goosebumps on your skin, the soft way his fingers traced your arm.

"it's already bruising, so i think it's only a subcutaneous bruise, luckily," he diagnosed.

"i'll bet you could pass as a medical doctor if you tried," you noted, nudging his arm gently with yours.

"many people make that mistake already! it's a frequent misconception by a lot of people i meet," he smiled.

"if i hadn't already known what kind of doctor you were, i'm sure i might've fallen into that misconception," you added with a grin as you approached your car. "so, this is me," you smiled and nodded at the tall man.

"oh! right! uhm..." he trailed off. "it was nice to meet you, y/n," he smiled kindly.

his smile's nice. warm. very home-like.

"it was nice to meet you too," you smiled. "thank you, again. for saving me back there."

"of course. anytime. i'm just glad i got there before anything got too bad..." he furrowed his brows at the not so distant memory.

"yea, you and me both, handsome," you joked, noticing the way his cheeks blushed at the compliment. "so where are you parked? the least i could do is give you a ride to your car," you suggested.

"oh, i was actually on my way to the metro. driving isn't really my thing..." he grimaced.

"then how about i drive you home?" you asked, wanting to figure out how to thank the perfect man that stood before you.

"i-i don't want you to be going out of your way..." he shook his head.

"look, spencer, i won't force you to do anything, but i want to do this," you placed a hand on his forearm. "at least as a thank you."

"um..." he looked at his watch, noticing the time. "okay, i guess that'd be nice. besides, i've missed the last ride to where i need to go," he shrugged with a small grin.

"great! just tell me where to, doc," you said as you both got into your car.

"capital plaza apartments," he announced with a grin.

"sounds great," you said as you turned the key in the ignition, backing out of your parking spot and starting the way towards his apartment. "so, you've worked at the bau for 12 years? right?"

"yea. i started when i was 22," he announced.

"right, i remember aaron telling me how you were the youngest member of the team when you got there," you encouraged him to continue.

"right again. they actually had to make an exception to let me into the field," he laughed softly. "they had to waiver basically every physical exam on account of my mental capabilities."

"i mean, whatever works. it's so intriguing that at such a young age you know so much, and your knowledge is only expanding," you shook your head in disbelief.

"well you've accomplished quite a lot and you're only 30. working at a firm for 8 years and being as successful as you are is remarkable," he remarked.

"thank you, spencer," you looked over at the man and smiled before stopping at the red light.

"do you have any tissues?" he asked, you furrowed your brows in question. "your cheek is still bleeding," he informed you.

"oh! there right there in the glovebox," you pointed across his lap as he grabbed the tissue from the compartment and reached across the console himself.

you leaned in across the console yourself, trying to make it easier for him to wipe it off. he cautiously used it to dab the little blood remaining on your cheek off, his hand lingering for a while.

you looked up to meet his eyes, the red from the stoplight illuminating his facial structure in a way that was otherworldly. you were entranced by each others' gaze, not even noticing the light turned green until the car behind you honked their horn, alerting you to step on the gas.

"oh! sorry," you apologized, biting the inside of your lip as you continued to drive him back to his apartment.

"don't be," he swallowed the lump in his throat.

sooner than later, you pulled into his apartment complex to drop him off.

"thank you so much, again, spencer," you placed a hand on his upper arm to emphasize your thanks.

"you don't need to thank me, y/n. i was happy to help," he placed one of his much larger hands on top of yours, squeezing it gently before he made his way out of your car. "goodbye."

"goodbye, spencer," you returned as you watched him walk up to his apartment building, practically gawking at the man that saved you.

you drove back to your house quickly, entering the code for the gate. you noticed yet another piece of paper taped to the front of the gate. you ripped it off the metal, and placed it inside your bag.

upon entering you placed your bag on the hook that remained on your wall after retrieving the sheet of paper from it. you kicked your shoes off beside the door neatly, walking into your kitchen to pour yourself a small glass of wine before tending to your wound.

you walked into your bathroom and gazed at the handprint on your face, noticing the small gash that remained on your cheekbone. after washing your face, you used an antibiotic on the cut, placing a small bandage overtop.

walking into your bedroom, you admired the view from the large window as you changed into your pajamas. you were too tired to eat anything, but you knew you needed to get something into your system.

you walked back into your kitchen and found a granola bar you could eat quickly. you grabbed the sheet of paper and walked back into your living room as you continued to eat.

underneath your sofas, there are storage bins that you keep extra things inside. what also happens to be inside of that bin is a small, old shoebox. inside of that shoebox you placed the note, along with all the others you've received, not bothering to read it this time.

you made your way back into the bathroom, brushed your teeth, and returned to your bedroom.

it was a long day, very eventful. you could only hope the letters would stop if you got the job at the bau. but for now... sleep.

“Love In The Dark”

Time Frame: Friday Night, April 29, 2016

Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Summary: What happens when loving someone in secrecy goes wrong?

Take your eyes off of me so I can leave
I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me

This is never ending, we have been here before
But I can't stay this time 'cause I don't love you anymore

Sam opened the door to his home, the stress of the day finally settling in. What started off as a great day, only turned worse with one call from his parents. They never failed at finding a way to irritate or piss him off, and today, they had managed to do both. The more his mother whined about him turning into a failure and that he needed to be more like his brothers, married with children, the more it made him want to stay away from them. You see, Sam’s family was wealthy, owning the best car dealerships in the state of Texas. They wanted him to return home and be apart of the family business but Sam didn’t want that for himself. He resided in Oklahoma City and while he wasn’t in the family business, it unfortunately ran in his blood, seeing that he was a car salesman at a local dealership. It was something that he was good at and something that he actually enjoyed doing on his own terms. Its how he met his girlfriend of two years, unbeknownst of his family. They thought he was still a bachelor, hence the phone call today. A family reunion was coming up and he had no plans on going until his grandmother called him earlier in the week begging for an appearance. He vowed that he would stay only for a day. His mother took it upon herself to set up blind dates for him when he touched down on Texas soil. He wished he could be man enough to tell the truth, but it would be repercussions to his actions and he couldn’t, more like wouldn’t let his girlfriend be subjected to them.

As Sam finally closed the front door, he turned just to see something that bewildered him, “Baby.” He called out, eyeing the luggage confusedly before he sat his bag down. Strangely enough, he haven’t heard from her all day, gettin a cryptic text back from her. He didn’t see her truck out front, so he was confused on how she got here. He walked to the living room and stopped almost immediately when she saw her sitting on the couch. He was taken aback by her appearance, which consisted of swollen red eyes, and her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail while she was dressed in her sweats. Before he could even open his mouth to ask what was wrong, she spoke with a mixture of anger and hurt in her tone.

“I got a phone call earlier requiring my services for a family reunion. It was your mother.” She watched as the color starting to drain from his face, a humorless, sarcastic chuckle escaping from her lips, “Apparently you finally told her about me.”

“I-“

“Apparently.....I’m the help and Quinn’s nanny.” Mercedes recited bitterly in a whisper, her vision becoming blurry, “What in the actual hell, Sam?”

“Mer...”

“Shut up.” She snapped as the tears fell from her eyes as she stood up, moving towards him, “In her words, she told me that you said I’m a very good worker and you wouldn’t think about firing me for a second.”

Please stay where you are, don't come any closer
Don't try to change my mind, I'm being cruel to be kind

When Mercedes first met Sam, she had to admit that the man knew how to pitch a sale, and it only helped that he was easy on the eyes. Although his charm was a big factor, his personality is what drew her in. That day, she not only left with a new truck but also his business card with his personal number on there. One date led to four more before labels were attached. She can honestly say that the man made her feel like the only girl in the world and she fell quick, but was that mistake? Sam was open with her about everything but when it came to talking about meeting his family, there was no question about his stance of her never doing so. The reasoning being that he stated that they weren’t close but she raised a brow at how often he spoke to his brothers when he thought she didn’t know. She knew it was true for the parents, but she didn’t understand why and what he was keeping from her about them. Another thing that bothered her was the fact that he asked for her not to post any pictures of them on her social media pages. Not that social media was big thing to her, but why couldn’t she at least show people who way making her feel like the happiest girl in the world? She accepted it and let it go because he practically begged her to. She even confided into the one person who he was close to, his cousin Quinn, who she became very good friend with over the years. Quinn explained to her that Sam’s parents weren’t good people and left at that.

“I never would’ve thought....” She got choked up as she broke off, shaking her head as anger continued to fill her, “You’re an inconsiderate son of a bitch. I’m not going to continue to love you in the dark. I’m tired, Sam. I’m so tired.”

Sam caught her arm before she leave, eyes going wide as held up his hands once she she shrugged away from him, “Baby, wait...please stay and let me explain.”

But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine
The longer we ignore it all the more that we will fight

Please don't fall apart, I can't face your breaking heart
I'm trying to be brave, stop asking me to stay

“My parents....they’re stuck in the typical, old southern white folk ways.” He started as he moved closer to her, only for her to step back, his own eyes welling up with tears, “I’m just trying to protect you...protect us.”

“So fucking what if your family doesn’t like me, oh fucking well. As long as you did, it didn’t matter. I didn’t need anyone else’s acceptance. I’m hurt because you fed into their ways. The help? Quinn’s nanny? Do you not know how demeaning, how hurtful that shit really is? How dare you. How fucking dare you.” She spat as she finally lost all ability to keep her emotions in check, “You’re no better than them.”

He wasn’t thinking at all when he said it. His mother brought her up due to a picture Quinn had posted of the trio plus her three year old daughter, Virginia, at the play barn. He wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t. So when her words of him being like them left her mouth, it pissed him off because he was nothing like them but he didn’t deserve to be mad because he made this mess. She couldn’t be collateral damage, he couldn’t risk that, so he shamelessly lowered himself to their level to avoid them finding out about her being his girlfriend. He wanted to tell Mercedes the truth but just couldn’t muster up to it, “I’m so sorry, Cedes. I want you to believe me. I love you with every bone in my body but...”

“There shouldn’t be any buts Sam. I should be enough. I really should but I’m not. Until you’re ready for that and I have a feeling you never will be, I can’t be with you. I’m no one’s dirty, dark little secret.” Mercedes felt the tears continually gliding down her face as she walked out the room, not giving him a second glance as she grabbed her luggage and exited out of the place, to her awaiting Uber, she had just got started to know due to her recent move in.

I can't love you in the dark
It feels like we're oceans apart
There is so much space between us
Baby, we're already defeated
Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me

With that, Sam watched as she walked out the door, shock instilled so deeply in him that he couldn’t do anything. His mind was screaming for him to go after her but it was falling death on his ears. He just lost everything and wasn’t even fighting to get her back, whispering to the closed door, “Please don’t go.”

But I want to live and not just survive

That's why I can't love you in the dark

It feels like we're oceans apart

There is so much space between us

Baby, we're already defeated

'Cause ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me

And I-I-I-I-I don't think you can save me

Edie & Liam

Edie: [Okay, so a school trip moment for Edie for Politics and Society where they've gone down to the local courts to probably watch the most boring cases of people paying parking fines etc lol so have fun with that babe] Liam: got the hots for any criminals? Edie: the dude refusing to pay his child support is just my type Liam: pity I don't have any 👶 I've binned off for you Liam: all I've got going for me is how willing I am to catch a charge Edie: We're gonna snatch one, already decided Edie: daddy issues withstanding, no one here is as interesting as you Liam: when I find one with 👀 like yours Edie: 🥺🥺🥺 Edie: I'll make one for you Liam: would you? Edie: I'd do anything for you Liam: I'm just testing you, baby Edie: Test away Edie: my brain is dribbling out my ears over here Liam: don't lose it, we need it Edie: I need you Edie: what are we doing later to bring back my will to live? Liam: anything you want Edie: I might have something Liam: am I guessing or are you telling? Edie: I don't wanna get your hopes up Edie: but I heard rumours, some kid in my year reckons he's found an empty Edie: and that his brother and his mates are gonna squat in it Edie: but it's in a really fuck off big house in a decent part of town, so idk if it's bullshit or what Edie: but it'd be fun to trash if it isn't Liam: we could kick them out, stay for a while before we do Edie: yeah? Edie: play 🏡 with me Liam: somewhere nice to take the 👶 to Edie: Wonder how many rooms there are Edie: can have a playroom and everything Edie: lucky bastard Liam: do you think there's a garden? Edie: even if it's really in town, they'll still have a perfectly landscaped backyard, patio, room for a swing Liam: sandpit for our buried treasure Edie: and the dogs 🦴s Liam: great idea to blame the dog 💀🦴 Edie: I think so Edie: failing that, the previous owners Edie: clearly left in a hurry because the body count got out of control Liam: won't look suss that all the little pussies from your class who are looking at you now when they shouldn't be are in there Edie: I can think of a thousand reasons they deserve to die Edie: yours is the best though Liam: it's the most important one Edie: I don't want anyone else to look at me Liam: put your jacket on Edie: [stealth selfie 'cos p sure you are not meant to have a phone in court lol] Liam: you'll feel better now Edie: 🤏 Edie: what lesson are you in? Liam: maths Liam: about to stick a pencil through my own eye Edie: save one for me Edie: I love your eyes too Liam: right or left? Edie: left Edie: it's the side the tattoo is on Liam: 👌 Liam: [a selfie that he's edited to get rid of an eye] Edie: my cyclops Edie: still hot Liam: eye patch isn't as useful as a fake leg but I knew you'd be into it Edie: you can stash some in the socket Edie: or a 💎 Edie: can't bury all the treasure Liam: 💍 Edie: 🥰 Liam: when can you get out? Edie: when do you want me? Liam: I wanna find the house & make it nice for you first Edie: [screenshot of this kid in her year going off about it/inviting her with the address etc] Liam: I'll go now Edie: I'll pretend the cases have upset me and ask to be excused when I get the chance Edie: then I can go into town and steal all the stuff we'll need for the house Liam: don't forget the 👶 Edie: I'll look in all the prams for the bluest eyes Liam: has to be a girl though Edie: they're always decked out in all the pink Edie: even if I've left some of my brain on the seats Liam: get some clothes too then Edie: your babies would be so beautiful Edie: not like pink screaming blobs Liam: if she looks like you I don't mind her screaming, can do whatever she wants Edie: I'm in love with you Liam: I know you are Liam: & you know how I feel about you Edie: yeah Edie: you take care of me Liam: I'm trying to Edie: you are Liam: I want this to work Edie: then it will Edie: I'll do whatever you need me to Edie: be what you need Liam: you're perfect Liam: he knows that's why he invited you there Edie: but I'm going to be with you instead Liam: who is he? Edie: dunno, he's barely in any of my classes Edie: Craig something, his brother is called Sean, you've probably seen him at shit, even though he's been out of school time Liam: yeah, previous raves & shit Edie: right Edie: just think he knows I go to that shit too Liam: I just need to broadcast a bit louder that I'm with you now, everywhere Edie: How do you wanna do that? Liam: can't let you out of my sight if it means you're in theirs Edie: I'm not mad about that Edie: I want to be with you all day every day Edie: but I'll stab my eyes out before I look at anyone else Edie: you know that Liam: it's not you I don't trust Edie: if anyone touches me, you'll kill them Edie: and we'll bury them in our sandpit Liam: I test you, they test me Edie: you can handle anyone, you're so above them, everyone Liam: I don't know what I'd do if things changed Edie: things will only change if you want them to Edie: I'm not going anywhere without you Liam: tell your ma you're staying at mine, I don't want her trying to get you back Edie: okay, I will Edie: you're the only one who's allowed to tell me what to do Liam: it'll be home until we don't want it, barely a lie Edie: it doesn't matter Edie: I'm never safer than when I'm with you Liam: you can stay at mine too, any time you want Edie: I can? Liam: yeah Edie: 😄😄😄 Edie: I'm now leaving Edie: very, very devastated about the lady driving without insurance 💔 Liam: who can afford that shit, heartbreaking isn't far off Edie: it's a scam Edie: speaking of, how am I gonna liberate some sleeping bags 🤔🤔 Liam: 🤰 Edie: 💡 Edie: pram would actually be perfect Liam: didn't leave any of your brain behind Edie: don't wanna live that young mum stereotype too hard or I'll be right back in that place and I've only just escaped Liam: you won't Liam: the baby won't need to steal it from you, it'll be smart & talented & beautiful in its own right Edie: and you'll love it Edie: and always look after it too Liam: everyone says there's nothing like it, I'd have to feel something Liam: you know that's all I want Edie: I think even if you don't love your kid Edie: you must still be scared for them Edie: and for your own life, how they'll save it or destroy it Edie: that's something Liam: we could be a family, it's been so long since I had one of them Edie: all we'd need would be us three Liam: if my ma won't let us make my sister's room into one for the baby then we'll find our own place Edie: there's room at mine Edie: well, we could make it Edie: with her track record, that's the one thing she can't not be cool on Liam: mine's not cool on fucking anything, but pretend I didn't say that or you'll never wanna come over Edie: she won't like me Edie: but I'll still come Edie: and I'll try to be more what a ma would like Edie: in front of her anyway Liam: she's up for me having a girlfriend, in her words finally Edie: better not disappoint then Edie: what's she like? Liam: she's a lot but she's been through a lot Liam: maybe that's where all the shit I'm supposed to feel went to Edie: maybe Edie: that's the kind of thing a mum would do Edie: take it all on, for good or bad Liam: she does do that, since both the baby daddys she picked turned out to be losers Edie: same with mine Edie: the only person who helped her out was another chick but she died and then there was another kid to take in so Edie: I'd hate to live like that Liam: you won't Edie: I can't Liam: we've got a plan, yeah? Liam: stay with me Edie: we can be different Edie: we are Edie: don't you feel it, around everyone, all the time Liam: yeah, I do Liam: I used to hate it Edie: it's lonely Edie: was Liam: I wanted to be more like my sister, everyone knew her & liked her Liam: but she got lonely too, in the end Edie: people are selfish Edie: they couldn't deal with her pain, even though it was hers to go through Liam: she used to beg me to stay with her & I did but we weren't in the same place Liam: I couldn't go there Edie: you weren't dying Edie: that's lonely Edie: people waste their time alive being alone and not doing what they want whilst they can and for what Liam: they don't wanna live too hard in case it kills them Edie: at least that way is quick Edie: you don't have time to think about it, or wait in that place Liam: yeah Edie: it's bullshit, all of it Edie: what happened to your sister, your mum, you Edie: we'll live by our own rules and it won't be like that Liam: it was bullshit, everyone acting like there's peace & acceptance & she'd feel super chill Liam: she was angry & lonely & fucking terrified of falling off the edge Liam: exhausted from fighting to stay on Edie: why would there be, or should she be Edie: it isn't okay Edie: kids with everything ahead of them shouldn't fucking die Liam: I should've Liam: before I met you Liam: instead of her Edie: you would've if you could've Edie: the universe doesn't do trades and that's another fucked thing about it Liam: I need you to help me fix it Liam: nothing's how it's supposed to be Edie: Okay Edie: let's do it Liam: you'll really do anything for me Edie: I swear Edie: it's right Edie: it's what I'm meant to do Liam: how do you know? Edie: because I want to Edie: and if the universe is pure random, chaotic chance Edie: then you have to follow the right strings Edie: or it goes wrong, like you said Liam: & this is right Liam: the only way I have Edie: is it? Edie: for you Liam: you're all that's left Liam: I can't do anything else Liam: if this doesn't work, nothing will Edie: then it's settled Liam: you're gonna love this 🏠 Edie: what's it like? Liam: huge Liam: bigger than the one my ma rents for real Edie: no way Edie: can't believe he wasn't lying Edie: let's keep it Liam: baby, there's so much space Liam: haven't hit my head either Edie: ��� Edie: let's stay forever Edie: we'll deal with any estate agents or potential renters who come Liam: under the floorboards Edie: bet they have loads of unnecessary storage we can use too Edie: wine cellars and pantries Liam: 👶 do have a lot of shit they need though Edie: how many bedrooms are there Liam: 4 Edie: it can have a playroom and so can we Liam: you'll be able to finish that song about me Edie: I'll write whole albums Liam: you can write one for the 👶 every milestone, like a less shit Adele Edie: 😂 Edie: I will Edie: 👶 will feel so loved Liam: I want it for my birthday Edie: have you done the maths? Liam: not in that lesson any more, give me a sec Edie: 🤞 you've not given me an impossible task 😿 Liam: [does the maths even though we don't know when his bday is or what time of year it is rn but pretend we do] Edie: okay Edie: we'll have to get moving Edie: I'll put these condoms back Liam: give them to that lad, he don't need to be having any kids Edie: seriously Edie: his brother already has some he doesn't see, right Edie: gross Liam: I got some 💊 off him that didn't do fuck all Liam: waster in every way Edie: such a loser Liam: we're gonna have to be clean Edie: me at least, when it's cooking Liam: I'm not gonna keep going without you Edie: serious? Liam: you're willing to do anything for me, I can stop taking 💊 for you Edie: I love you Liam: hurry up, you have to see this place Edie: Okay, okay Edie: there's a lot of stuff this baby needs too Liam: I need you here Edie: then I'll run Liam: you can lie down as soon you've made it home Edie: I got us dinner Liam: gutted I don't have a real 💍 in my eye socket Edie: I'll have to use a ring pull Liam: it'll work for now Edie: were your parents married? Liam: nah, but she married my sister's dad Liam: she liked him better all round Edie: that makes sense Edie: same with mine and the others dad Edie: hence she went back to him Liam: dunno what your ma was thinking but in fairness to mine he was less of a twat for a while Edie: can't help who you love Edie: some people are unlucky with that too Liam: yeah Liam: & some people never get to be in love Edie: some people don't let themselves Liam: like we said earlier about not living Edie: yeah Edie: I guess it is scary but what's the alternative Liam: I used to properly feel things you know Edie: before your sister died Liam: if it was there before, it could be again Edie: definitely Edie: I know it Edie: we'll work it out Liam: you'll be happy here Liam: [a pic of the cute shit he's been doing in her absence trying to make this place nice for her] Edie: 🥺🥺 Edie: it says I'm nearly there Liam: I'll come out so I can carry you in 👰 Edie: you know I'd die to make you happy Liam: but that isn't what I want Liam: I'd prefer if you lived forever Edie: then I'll do that Edie: we can have hundreds of babies if that's what you need Edie: or do all the drugs in the world Edie: or go on the longest killing spree Liam: I think that'd take a huge toll on you physically, which I don't want either Liam: I'm not trying to ruin you Edie: you might make me actually cry Liam: stay beautiful, that's what I need Edie: Come get me Liam: [does] Edie: [lowkey laden down with all the essentials be careful boy] Liam: [literally take a sec to imagine them going from room to room planning their lives like adorable nerds] Edie: [this is all so bittersweet we're so mean] Liam: [I'm totally fine and not gonna sob] Edie: [I think if they made it look lived in, it'd make the squatters go away, so then it's just when the landlord/estate agent moment shows up eventually, but I think that would give them a bit of time to do it, even if it's like a week] Liam: [there's just something so pure about this, like it really reminds me how young and broken they are, casually playing pretend like little kids here] Edie: [mhmm, like because she's technically smart everyone expects her to be cynical and realistic but she can't be and is like genuinely if we try hard enough this will all work and be real] Liam: [just reminding me of my pure baby angel Carly in a way I did not expect to be hit by, excuse me] Edie: [when you're more like her and Billie is more like Ali don't mind me] Liam: [I don't know why I love that so much but I do] Edie: [just live your best lives huns, all the ridiculous things you've got for this home moment, also some kind of baby doll 'cos we didn't steal a real child] Liam: [we don't need either of you getting in that much trouble when the fams are gonna be annoyed as is, they should totally film something with it during this week because those hoes] Edie: [creepy, cryptic video in response to where you are like soz for scaring you all half to death it's just our brand] Liam: [and she should practice tattoo designs on it for him like do you like this one or nah] Edie: [definitely covered in biro] Liam: [put your treasure in it's eye socket] Edie: [there's so many sick designs tbh] Liam: [are we saying they still go to school or purely hole up] Edie: [probably hole up 'cos 1 why not but 2 at least you'd know they were together even if not where lol] Liam: [it adds to the vibe of their own little world so I'm here for it] Edie: [like truly why would you go to school, maybe when you're pregnant and we need to win people 'round lmao] Liam: [he wouldn't stalk Rio all week that means #proudofyouboy] Edie: [we're all thrilled] Liam: [actual progress for real because he's been doing it for years and he didn't force Edie to go to school so he could] Edie: [it truly is, when you're just having fun gah] Liam: [proud of you for living real life again boy, speaking of, we know the vibe but is there anything you wanna write down here as defs happening this week other than what we've said?] Edie: [hmm, so let's recap real quick and then we can add anything if we think of it, we've got homey things and he's made it cute and we're playing house so the squatters don't come and wreck it, which is so cute, we're planning our family and life like this is absolutely nbd, doing all the biro tattoos, making our ARG and making a weird/scary vid for the fam lollollol soz, just clearly getting to know each other intensely and bonding and cementing this plan] Liam: [do write some songs gal but I also think they should try whatever drugs they want to that they haven't before they get clean for this pregnancy moment because adds to the bonding that they don't even throw a party they just do it together] Edie: [i vibe that because it isn't about the party of it all, it's the feeling things, so it makes feelsy sense] Liam: [yeah I felt it, and it's so cute that they're doing all these domestic things while sometimes high af] Edie: [like you said, we don't need to be saints 'cos who is even when they have a child but it's very noble that you're like okay let's get it out of the way lol] Liam: [literally ruster are still living lavish and partying with their champagne and coke when they have theirs, tell me I'm wrong] Edie: [mhmm, y'all are very sweet actually it's pure] Liam: [neither of them seem like they would be so sweet and pure and that's why I stan it] Edie: [maybe they can do things they'll do when they have the bub like the park etc so like normal childhood things which he probably didn't get to do much] Liam: [boo how dare you, that's so cute] Edie: [like again, bittersweet but also childlike vibes again and he can enjoy it] Liam: [also I vote he gets on this roof and shouts about his feelings like he said he was gonna on the school roof] Edie: [a mood, and you can be a bit destructive inside, just got to keep it looking respectable so every loser in town doesn't crash your fun] Liam: [OMG but what if that's towards the end of the week and he says he loves her then because he has not like literally shout it from the rooftops but genuinely] Edie: [need that tbh 'cos as in this as she is and not turning back, she's obvs noticed he hasn't like she knows she's still out here trying to make him feel not like oh yes, I have succeeded lol] Liam: [it just is real like when you're pissing about at first but then the feels carry you along] Edie: [oh you two]

I saw my new counselor for the second time yesterday.

And by saw, I mean video chatted because covid.

She's amazing. She's smart, quotes Brene Brown, and gives me space to explore a lot of things I have been shoving down for many, many years.

Each time I see this new counselor, it costs me $103.96.

I have a high deductible insurance plan. But I'm fortunate to have health insurance at all. I'm also fortunate to be able to shift my finances around to pay $103.96 every appointment.

I am privileged to have access to good care. I am privileged to have a stable job. I am privileged to be able to move my money around to pay for the help I need.

I almost didn't get here. I realized late last year that things were going sideways again. I knew that meant I needed to get back into a counselor's office. So I went to Anthem's website to look up a new one. The Care & Cost Finder didn't work. Okay. I called customer service. They told me to use the care & cost finder. It doesn't work. So I figured out that if I clicked Change PCP, I could game the system to search for counselors instead of primary care. Okay. Searched counseling. Nothing. Searched therapy. Nothing. Typed in psych..."psychological and psychiatric care" were the magical buzzwords to gain access to the list.

Okay, so now we're in. Sort by distance...and it kicked me out of the system. Okay. Go back in. Psych...okay, we're back. Don't sort. Don't touch anything. Just call the first one. Their office isn't accepting new patients. Okay. Call the second one. This number has been disconnected. Okay. Call the next three...they don't take Anthem.

Breathe.

Keep going down the list until you get a response. Under expected cost: N/A. Okay. Call the office, they can't tell you how much it will be either. "we don't know until we run it through your insurance" okay. Call the insurance. They can't tell you how much it will be until they receive the claim.

Oh. Kay.

Make an appointment with the first one that actually answers the phone. Next available: two weeks out. Okay.

Wait two weeks. Finally go in on your lunch break. Receive a 6-page intake form that you have to fill out in a busy waiting room. Hand it in. Wait. Get called back.

So tell me why you're here. Unload a little.

Well, what do you want to solve? Well, I don't know that I'm trying to SOLVE anything, but see, I have a panic disorder and...

Well, maybe you need medication.

I mean, yes, maybe I do, but I thought I'd come here first.

Time is up. Reluctantly schedule a second appointment because the thought of finding a new counselor is exhausting. You JUST did that.

Next available: two more weeks out.

One week later, bill comes: $97. Okay I guess. Must pay all out of pocket because of the high deductible.

Another week later, take another lunch break to go back. Arrive ten minutes early. Wait. Wait longer. Appointment time comes...and goes. Continue waiting. Ten minutes after appointment was to begin, new counselor comes out to get you, sucking on a steak n shake milkshake. Okay.

Sit down. Counselor is immediately aggressive.

Well I don't understand why you're here.

I mean, I just needed to talk to someone...

Well what have you done for yourself?

List out how you've grown over the last few years.

Well you need to try harder.

Breathe. Leave.

Text counselor, it's not working out.

Next bill: $97. Okay.

Develop anxiety-induced insomnia. Wait too long to go see PCP. Get insomnia meds and a referral to the local hospital's counseling network.

Call. No answer. Leave a message. No call-back. Call again. Get hung up on. Call again. Leave a message. No call-back. Call three days in a row during business hours. No response.

Give. Up.

Pandemic hits. Insomnia still wrecking you, anxiety skyrockets. Okay. It's time. You have to find someone. Care & Cost Finder finally works. Stalk three options on psychology today. Find one's business Facebook page. See Brene quotes. Send an email.

Only doing video appointments, is that okay? Absolutely! I have tomorrow available, or not again for two weeks... Take tomorrow.

First appointment reminds you of that amazing counselor you had in Louisville. The weird hippie lady who made you paint your feelings and wrecked her shoes walking through the park with you because you needed to be active.

No one knows how much it will cost until it's run. You take the risk.

$103.96.

You schedule a second appointment. You finally feel the weight lifting. You finally feel like you've found the right fit.

It's been 9 months of searching.

I share this saga with you because it should not be THIS hard to access mental health care. I am employed full-time, I have health insurance, and I am relatively tech savvy. I used to help people get access to care as my job. I know the system. And it was still this hard for me.

Imagine someone without health insurance. Without regular access to the internet. Without a car. Without money.

Also in mental distress. Also worrying about paying their rent. Also dealing with systemic racism. Also considered essential but making $7.75 an hour.

People are villified and judged for admitting they need help with their mental health. Barriers to care are sky-high. It shouldn't be this way.

I'm getting the help I need because I have the privilege of access, support, and finances. I shouldn't need those privileges.

If you're struggling to find the help you need, call me. There are options. There are patient assistance programs. I'm not saying it's going to be easy...but I am saying that it's worth it. And I fully believe that everyone deserves the help they need, and I'll do my damnedest to help you find it.

Lately I've seen a lot of posts talking about the environmental impact pet cats can have. And while this is absolutely excellent that awareness is finally being brought, I have yet to see a single discussion about pet dogs. Many don't know but they can be just as destructive as cats if allowed to wander unchecked! I'd really appreciate if you could take the time to read this or share it please! So cheers, I'll try not to drag this out too long.

Dogs just like cats, massacre animals simply because of instincts, they're bored, or because it's just fun to kill. Despite it being illegal in Queensland, Australia where I live to allow a dog to leave its property unsupervised, it is common place to see it happen anyway. Local councils are slack with pet cats and dogs so even if their wandering is reported often no punishments are enforced upon owners. Majority know how harmful a single cat can be; my backyard population of Eastern Water Dragons (5 adults, estimated 13 babies) was slaughtered by my neighbours cat. That damage has never reversed and to this day, roughly 8 years after, I have never seen another Water Dragon in my yard. Yet mention a dog and people will bite your head off with "dogs are angels" and "my dog would never kill"

We don't often hear about dogs killing wildlife although it does happen, considering they don't drag the kills back home likes cats do. Often dead possums and kangaroos will be abandoned wherever the dog killed them, unbeknownst to the owners. However what we do hear about commonly, is livestock.

Ask any farmer in Australia and they will tell you that they've had stock massacred by dogs, occasionally feral but usually pets. Feral dogs don't like light and are usually smart enough not to jump into a paddock where they'll be trapped and prone to discovery by humans. Pet dogs don't have this fear, and are often found covered in blood and gore surrounded by bodies.

Here are some of the stories I was told just from last year. Warning I have included very graphic descriptions so if you don't want to read feel free to skip. I'll summarise at the very end of this post how many stock died for you without the details.

12+ sheep (he stopped counting it was too distressing for him but estimate is around the 20 mark) attacked by dogs. 5 were still alive when he found them, 2 passed away as he went to get his knife. He had to finish 3 off. He doesn't know what time they were attacked but considering most of the blood was dry it was likely many, many hours ago. The dog wasn't caught but it was likely a pet one considering none of the carcasses were consumed at all and the owner lives close to both a university and a town where there are many pet dogs.

23 sheep including lambs and pregnant ewes massacred by two pet dogs. 11 were still alive when found and most needed to be finished off. These dogs had obviously taken great joy in chasing the sheep since all injuries sustained were to the rear with absolutely no scratch on the front end of the sheep. It's likely they chased them, grabbed them and pulled them down, them let them back up and repeated until the sheep collapsed from blood loss and exhaustion. Several of the sheep were missing the tendons in their legs and these tendons were found flung across the paddocks. The two dogs responsible were found on the property, they were playing with a deceased lamb. Throwing it in the air and shaking it. When they caught sight of the farmer approaching them they ran over for pats. I'm unsure what happened to the dogs? I believe the farmer found their owner and gave them a serving but allowed the dogs to live.

3 calves attacked by dog/s. Culprits weren't caught so this one could have been feral, but considering nothing was eaten again doesn't seem likely. 2 of the calves were found deceased, one with chunks taken from both sides so big you could stick your fist inside apparently. The other one was missing her ears and tail but had no other visible injuries asides from tears at her heels. She likely died from shock. The 3rd calf was found still alive, lying on its side with its intestines hanging out. The dogs had crippled its back legs so it couldn't stand or run and then torn open its stomach. It appears that they may have been going to eat the organs but were disturbed or scared off? This calf was shot.

7 sheep killed, 3 pregnant ewes and 2 lambs. I wasn't given details of how they died, or if any were found still alive, however I was told something which is incredibly upsetting. The dog that did this was their own. She was their pet German shepherd who had previously chased sheep but never attacked them. They rehomed her somewhere without other animals.

37 chickens. Once again no details but it was the neighbours pet dogs.

An alpaca who was guarding his herd of sheep died valiantly defending them from two dogs.

Somebody's entire flock of 10 sheep. They'd not long gotten them and since they were pets they were obviously crushed. Dog wasn't caught but was likely another pet considering the lambs bodies appeared to have been shaken around like toys.

That was all during 2018, last year. Please note that if vet treatment was feasible, a lot of these animals would have received it. Their conditions were so poor that there would've been nothing a vet could do asides from euthanasia. Although vet euthanasia is more humane and nicer than a slit throat or bullet through the skull, rural vets often aren't nearby so can take several hours to arrive. Although some cases would come down to money (a vet callout fee is around 100-200 bucks) majority were because these people didn't want to leave their stock in pain while they waited for vets to arrive (they likely would have died before the vet arrived anyway). So please don't come at me about how them putting their stock out of their misery is abuse or anything like that because it's an awful thing to go through and was not a decision made lightly.

All of this I only know from talking directly to the farmers (I'm involved in agricultural shows particularly the sheep and poultry sectors). Two of those people I mentioned are friends of mine. I had SEEN that first examples sheep on the Friday. He'd taken me down and showed me all of them. By the Monday, I think it was? Over half of them were gone. There was one little girl I fell in love with and joked about taking home with me. It crushed me finding out she was one of the ones he had to finish off, left there god knows how long in agony. I'll attach a photo of her because she deserves remembering.

That's livestock, I dread to think what dogs are doing to our local wildlife. Here are a couple cases I've heard about this year for wildlife. Descriptions are brief and not gory.

Pet dog killed a blue tongue lizard found in their yard. She also maimed another one which they got off her and took to the vets (likely euthanised)

Pet dog jumped and pulled a Ringtail possum out of a tree on an early morning walk. Owner got the possum away from it but she was pretty maimed, she was euthanised at the vets.

Pet dog kills big Brushtail possum it found crossing through the yard at night.

Pet dog on a walk takes off on owner chasing a wallaby. Leash wasn't securely being held so is pulled from the owners hand and the dog runs off into bushland after the wallaby. He came back after 10-15 minutes of calling him, muzzle covered in blood. It's unknown what happened to the wallaby.

Oh so many snakes killed by dogs.... people like to brag about their dogs killing snakes so I've probably got 30 stories of this for you. "He was guarding his family like a good boy" "only good snake is a dead snake and (dogs name) here knows it!" "Better the snake than me" "one less snake! I think that's celebration. I hope he gets more"

That last one in particular makes me incredibly angry. Vast majority of snake bites are because people either try to catch or kill the snake, if left alone we wouldn't have as many 'vicious snake attacks' as we do. Many dogs die annually or require antivenon due to being bit while mauling snakes. It's not that hard to train a dog not to touch wildlife.

I think it's great we're becoming more aware of the environmental impact cats have, and are hopefully becoming more responsible cat owners. However education also needs to be raised on how destructive dogs can be. We need to ensure that we're responsible owners and do everything we can to minimise the impact our pets have on both wildlife, and other people's pets.

Livestock summary: 12+ sheep killed, 23 sheep killed, 3 calves killed, 7 sheep killed, 37 chickens killed, 1 alpaca killed, 10 sheep killed. And not a single one was eaten, simply killed for sport.

Here's that gorgeous girl I said I'd attach a photo of, may she rest easy now.

The morning passed slowly but nicely, Vee and I exchanging sweet gestures. When she went to the bathroom to freshen up I called Sanzu, telling him that I wouldn't go to work today, nor tonight. We didn't have complications, therefore I wasn't stressed nor preoccupied by it.

Hey Vee?

Yeah?

Walking to the bathroom and leaning against the door frame, I was thinking of something.

I don't know if you can walk properly after last night but..., do you want to see your old friends? I could pick up Natalie too if you want?

At the mention of her acquaintances, from whom I didn't know the names, she beamed with excitement. Jumping on me, I had to hold her close, she kept repeating 'yes' and I laughed, how cute.

Well then, I don't know their numbers, hopefully your friend will still have them yeah? Also, random question. Do you think black hair would suit me?

At my interrogation, Vee detached herself from me, touching my hair hesitantly.

I think so... why?

Would you prefer it black? Or the way it is now?

Hm, black, but why?

Kissing her cheek, I nodded.

A random question, anyway. Get ready, we're picking up Natalie. She's probably at Bonten's building since Sanzu is taking care of her

Bringing Vee here wasn't planned but I figured that my subordinates would need to see more, to know how she looked like. And officially meeting my executives wouldn't be a bad idea either.

You stay by my side alright? We're gonna check on some people

Taking the elevator until the top floor, I slid my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to my body. Walking in the long alleys, we've finally reached Sanzu's office. Not knocking, I was the boss after all, I opened the door.

Fuck are you kidding me??

Hey we were busy!! Knock next time??

Quickly pulling back his pants on his hips, Sanzu straightened up while Natalie chuckled,still on her knees, wiping her mouth.

I came to bring Natalie with us. If she's free I-

She wasn't??

If she's free Vee could use some company

Completely forgetting Haru', Natalie jumped on Vee and hugged her tightly, kissing her cheeks.

Don't kiss her when you just sucked Haru's cock

Super nice Sano, as always!

If you want to come then follow us. Sanzu, I'm coming back tomorrow.

Only nodding, Haru pulled Natalie by her neck, kissing her deeply. Slapping her ass, igniting a giggle from her, he let her leave with Vee and I.

The two quickly drifted from me, Natalie interwining Vee's arm with hers.

If you still have your friends numbers Natalie, call them and invite them. Give my address.

Driving around Tokyo, I kept an eye on my surroundings, making sure no one was following us. Seemed like this time it was quiet.

After parking and taking the elevator, I unlocked my front door. Staying in the entrance, I saw how Natalie pulled Vee against her as she was going to kiss me. Frowning but not saying anything else, I shrugged. Natalie indeed had the numbers and quickly calling them, she was smiling happily at Vee.

Okay both of them will arrive in less than twenty minutes!! Vee I'm so excited! And this penthouse, man! What do you do for a living again Sano? Whoring yourself out?

Tightening my fist only to free my fingers after, I smiled tightly, not answering.

What the fuck was her problem?

I'll be outside. I'm waiting with you both but as soon as your friends are here, I'm leaving. That way you'll have more privacy. Good for you Vee?

Yes perfect thank you! You can go to your bedroom or whatever until then

Answering for Vee, Natalie smirked at me when she saw Vee only nodding.

Gritting my teeth in silent anger, I left the room.

-Mikey

I bit my lip watching Mikey stalk off, feeling the anger radiating from him in waves. You should stop provoking him, Nat.

Don’t be boring, Vee. Provoking that man is the most fun I have while we’re here. She rolled her eyes before nudging me in the gut with her elbow. And besides, I’m safe from harm as long as I’m fucking his number two and you’re fucking him.

Why do you hate him so much anyway? I asked, because I had to know. At first I had thought that their little feud was just harmless bickering, nothing but back and forth. But it was gradually getting nastier between them, and it was usually started by Natalie.

Why do I hate Mikey? Natalie laughed bitterly at the question. Venus, I hate the man because he involved you into this! Not only that, but he tortured you, was even going to go as far as kill you all because he didn’t want to do some fucking research. Boss of an entire crime syndicate following the ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ rule like he’s a fucking five year old. I hate him because he’s not a good man for you, Vee. Regardless of the sweet shit he tries to pull. You’re not cut out for this life, and instead of making that clear to you, he’s making it worse by fucking you. He doesn’t fucking deserve you and that’s why I hate him. Because you won’t.

The answer stunned me into silence. What made it worse is that some parts I genuinely argue with her on. But she didn’t get to see the sweet Mikey I saw, the one who was with me these past few days— only I did. And somehow I knew debating it would be pointless with Nat. When she disliked someone that was that. So I changed the subject. So are Ang and Tati really coming?

Tati and Ang aren’t stepping a foot in this place.

What? Then I lowered my voice to a whisper yell. Who the hell did you call, Natalie? Why didn’t you call them?

Because if I did, they’d be in our predicament. Have you even watched the news lately? She scoffed at my dumbfounded look. You were too busy riding dick but here.

She lifted the phone to my face, showing me the news pages. My stomach dropped to my toes. Plastered across the local news was mine and Natalie’s faces, big blocked letters screaming MISSING at the bottom of the photos. Then there were press conference videos, Ang at Tati leading most of them. I even saw Darren. My stomach felt sick.

It’s still local in terms of traction, but it’s still news Vee. He’s been taking you all over the fucking place and you haven’t even changed your appearance. You still answer to your real name! The fucker’s practically parading you around for the Yamaguchis to pick off.

I couldn’t answer. The information overload made my head spin, Darren’s tearstained face in my mind when ever I closed my eyes. I wonder if Mikey knew about the news. He most likely did, and probably didn’t care. The police had a specific segment for Bonten assigned on the news for years, begging civilians to bring any information they had about them to them. They didn’t even know what Bonten looked like. Mikey probably didn’t even consider them a threat. Not even bothering to decipher whether that thought scared me or not, there was still something bothering me.

Who did you call, Nat? Who’s coming up here if not Ang and Tati?

Don’t you worry about that. She winked at me. Let me just get Mikey out of the house first.

I love this girl. She make me laugh. She make me smile

And I know she's suffering and I know she's being honest.

But I feel and I understand her frustration and that is what makes me smile.

Y'all gotta watch she goes off on Corona and COVID -19 calling it a her and a she.

Saying she didn't do no wrong and she don't deserve house arrest.

I believe her and I love her for her pure honesty and raw anger and hate for the situation.

I felt that same so many times in my life for aliens and for situations beyond the means of the Earth.

People like her i been worried for. People trying their best But just one day its too much.

I worry because I'm like that myself.

While she seem like... A volcano... Realize she took herself outside. Yelled loud enough so the kids were warned to not approach her she needed her own anger time out.

And she yelled her heart and mind out. She yelled it so strong and powerful.

And for that i am proud of her.

I'm sure she went inside and gave them kids all the love they deserve and juice without making a pool.

You can send your kids in the backyard and play. I see there's a garage open... Let them draw with chalk and get out your pretty hair.

They're bored as you auntie. Idk if you're baby sitting or live in... But it seems like you got someone essential working, or someone other than you that isn't pulling "at home weight" as much as you.

Being in front of the open garage... Laughing a bit at yourself when you said you wanted to make lil girl a pool... Drinking.. Feeling trapped ... Just seems like Some one else is leaving every day and you can't. And if you ask me to look real good you was waiting the last few minutes outside for them to come driving up.

So you may wanna go pick up a Wal-Mart pick up order of grocery. It sometimes is a long line. I looked this morning and its all booked to Monday for my local one. But doing that will keep you in less contact with others thus ideally healthier. Then spin through the drive thru and take the long way home.

There's no law saying the stay at home personnel must stay home at all times. Just limited.

You wouldn't necessarily wanna go in the stores seeing as yoh are the number one to care for the children, auntie. As the germs are more likely to be there. But to do a pick up. Idk who else is doing pick up. We just have Wal-Mart here... But may be others,in your local area. Well pick up you Just verify its your order. Through your car window so it's very limited contact with one person and they load up your groceries and you sit and wait in the car.

At the same time there's no law you and the kids can't go in the store. Its just limited.

It's clear you're not going anywhere. You can go places. Just limited. I do believe you can get in the car and just go for a drive. Just get out in the car and drive wherever. Idk where you live and if they have a ban but here in New Mexico we can drive anywhere in the state. And hotels are still operating. So drive to the next city and get a hotel for a night.

Its okay in many areas to do so. Even in NYC you can book a room.

But if we have to social distance. And we are in our cars following traffic laws and just driving without getting out of our cars. Then we are obeying the rules.

Loop hole baby.

Many of us feel like our cars are as personal as our homes. So #stayhome would be same as #stayinthecar on a nice drive.

And she has a 3 year old. Its a perfect time to show her the neighborhood and let her get familiar with it and how to get to the store. Test the little one

So, then it falls under education.

Loop hole baby.

How a cop gonna be all "you can't"???

Now as long as you remember to say "we're doing this in case you get lost (or kidnapped) or get a ride from your friend's parent that i said you could and you can make sure you can tell them how to get home and/or make sure they're going the right ways to get home"

Then for sure a cop can't tell you you can't.

Just in case neighborhood watch don't recognize your car... And calls you in. And you have the little one repeat the lessons to you because you explain it So in case you do get stopped then they know what they are doing in the car with you. And the SMS if the cop check it will also notify "safe distance patrol" which means all you need is verification you live there. Car registration or ID is preferred. That is for a worried cop. What it does actually signal is "having fun let's join in, too" So, when or if you see the cop you can pull over and they can give you tips on being safe if the cop wants interaction currently they probably will not pull over because of social distancing. But all they're doing is saying "SMS notified action in the area. We want you to know if this happens you're safe"

Because home invasions will often use the victims car, if a a person inside is moving around or the cop senses something not,right they will pull over the car to double check. So an ID is the most preferred method and they will visually check all ID of all adult passengers if they choose but it is recommended.

So make sure you're following laws. Kids are buckled and you're going the posted speed limit.

If you're going to your house then back out and over and over.

This case im speaking would look suspicious. So you drive down to the 711 four times so they can memorize and no one gets out and yoh just keep driving that circle

Its how you need to teach the kids but it would look suspiciously to the SMS computer system and for our safety I don't want to override it.

I'd rather a nice cop check and speak to the kids and thank the adults for looking out for the children's safety and for helping them do their jobs.

Usually a cop isn't in protocol to pull over unless its a wreckless danger. So like if I'm a kidnapper I'm a trip out. And either gonna try to get away from the cop or drive super cautious.

So cops may do some Dick moves around you to check you.

So y'all teaching your kids how to get home safe realize the cop is trying to protect you and realize they are in practice mode they may not think so but you know they are. So they may pull you over and so you have already explained to the car what y'all doing. So everyone should be able to explain it back to anyone.

So otherwise just take a nice long drive to the next town and then turn around and just have a nice drive.

Take time to see sights you don't normally see. Or like say you been wanting to go to the zoo but you're unsure of the drive. Well there's no traffic so you can practice driving there so you learn that way to get there easy.

But #StayInTheCar.

I love this girl in the video so much i made a movement after her.

Remember #DriveSober

So staying in the car does mean drive through!

Get you and your babies a treat. So them Quarentine Loop Hole fries are all jacked up and down under the seat until for eternity.

So y'all Just let your family out. Don't keep your beauties locked in because it's safest. Get a little creative.

So babies with some chalk. Or in the backyard playing ...pick up some balls online... Like Oriental Trading company is cheap and i know that you can get a dozen of a variety of different balls. And jump ropes and all kinds of things delivered straight to your house. Chalk, too.

Now you could stay in your little square in the front yard but i would imagine the back yard is more contained. Something with a fence and that is just for safety and not so much about social distancing But just to "stay in the yard" and not deal with nothing bull shit someone bored can come up with.

So I know

.i been waiting... I been i know people are losing their shit.m. I need to see it so I know what to say or do.

So thank you, ma'am for being so public and raw and straight from the soul and heart.

Letting your frustration out so the dark grainy images of my imagination have a voice and a way to be visible to the needs of the world.

Because I'm not realizing what all is going on every where so i need my Soul Warriors letting it out to be known.

My life i go out and my daughter has been trapped in and she don't mind so much but last night finally i could take her to the gas station just for a minute late late night... We both had to wear masks... She was all "I don't want you getting sick" and so i told her "you need to wear one too"

Which i was glad we did because the car we borrowed is leaking antifreeze into the car and it stinks like Hell and a smoker it makes me cough like Hell so the mask actually helped a lot. So i didn't cough with it on. So after this is all over if i borrow his car youre gonna see me wearing a mask just so i came breathe unless i fix my car... And Idk...

So y'all if you're tripping or tense or even if you're not because you're just trying to chill and cope and Don't realize you're building up a bubble of lava

Switch it up a little bit!!! Y'all are all up in there together you know your schedules. Who does what and who dont do what.

Who don't ever leave.

At least open windows. Something. Switch it up.

Y'all essiential workers coming home to dinner made and a clean house... Y'all gonna come to a volcano one day and don't know why

Then you gonna make it worse all what the Hell? What i do?! You wanna go to work?! I'm doing all i can to keep this home together and you act like that?!

And mother fucker honey. You're gonna get stabbed in the throat.

The shit just builds. This is why I didn't like this plan.

It builds on both sides. Believe it or not the ones going out are worried about the ones at home getting sick. And actually about them being cooped in... Some are.

But i know without a doubt they're loving home cooked meals and the family all home and safe and the house all clean

Hello were in the 1950s

So yo let the adults trapped at home drive the car if they are licensed. Let them capture that freedom..sit in the passenger seat and be the host. Sit side way and make sure the back seat is being good. Talk to them. Give them love and attention

Let that adult box herself in to a space filled with love for the family and her have that freedom at the wheel

Because that is what it is. She/he running that home. You need to give her a break stop them kids from going on about auntie and momma and so on and give them the strong love and attention they deserve. "How was your day?" "You looking how to get to the store?" "What is that street name?"

Just let her be quiet and enjoy the ride.

As women that's all we want.

Control. Lol. And love. Attention. Help. Strength. Patience.

And I know men want the same exact thing.

But we need to switch it up. Add some spice to the bland. Or its gonna taste like lava and not lots of lova.

Y'all know i am the Queen of Lava.

And y'all going out. Make sure you're on time!

But take them stuck in the house out.

I prescribe no less than a 30 minute outing. I saw gas here was $1.58 on the interstate for regular. I know places like California and New York are lots more and i know some places are even cheaper. But point. DNA4U says y'all should be able to afford it. Every where it must be less than $3 per gallon for even premium. Right?

So #StayInTheCar and check out some low cost online shopping. They are essiential employees.

And love yourselves even if you turn into a tornado spewing lava hurricane

And if someone around does. Love them

Help them. Add something they need to your routine.

Its not too late to save a life.