I've been watching a lot of this cleaning channel because it's great for motivation to go clean stuff, where it's not about ~*transforming*~ the space (which can be very fun to watch, too) but just about taking a hoarder's space and actually Going Through The Stuff And Cleaning Up. The channel is very soothing because the host is someone who actually has read up on what causes hoarding, he knows that you can't just take a shovel to that stuff (you will making the hoarding worse if you clean without the consent of the hoarder, but also there's always genuinely valuable stuff in there, you can't just shovel it out the door, you have to go through it), like Oh I Feel So Seen. But this video in particular hit really hard today because it's from a "clean" hoarder and ohhhh that's it, that's what I've been dealing with. It was never that there was a bug or rodent infestation, if ever there was so much as a single ant in the house, everything was pulled out to scrub things down and get every last one taken care of, the only real dirt was dust in the places nobody could reach. It was just. Stuff everywhere. In the video, there was a moment in the kitchen when he pulled out a little bin of old cell phones and I felt a moment of Kinship and, about two hours later, when I was back to cleaning out dad's hoard, you know what I found? Old cellphones. It just smacked me in the face all over again. It's also the commentary about how, in every hoarder house he goes to, he finds things like old medication or pill bottle (oh my god I have been able to finally throw away what must be over 50 of them, and so much old medication has also been thrown), paperwork mixed in with junk mail (I'm not kidding, if you piled up all the paperwork/junk mail mom and I had to go through, it would have been about five feet high), or hoarded food (literal hundreds of plastic grocery bags full of expired food I hauled out) and it just hits over and over again how much I'm resonating with everything there. Anyway, if you want to know what I'm working with, basically it's a lot like that video above, it's "clean" hoarding, but that's basically what it was like in every single room and I've been trying to go over and tackle at least some of it every day, while also helping to get the old carpet replaced, the walls painted, etc. And trying to choose furniture that's not too expensive but also doesn't look like a teenager's bedroom or like it was salvaged out of a Cleanup Week pile. And trying to figure out where to store the necessary house things, like a basic tool set and cleaning supplies. But, you guys, be proud of us, I got several baskets worth of small stuff storage put away (extra lotions, extra charging cords, etc., things you keep but don't need sitting out), we got the armchair back into the guest bedroom, I put together a hamper instead of just plopping a clothes basket on the closet floor for dirty clothes, I put all my bathroom decor together in a bin for when we get the new vanity (the current one is so old that it's basically rusted over underneath), put all the after Christmas decorations we bought this year away, put some groceries away, AND I STARTED MY SECOND LOAD OF LAUNDRY TODAY. It's small stuff but it's time-consuming and I need you all to be proud of me for keeping moving on All Of This.

kanade has hoarding disorder To Me

Does anyone else get in moods where they want to throw away every thing they own?

(Children of hoarders especially?)

oh viktor

Weirdest carryover from my last life? Food insecurity and subsequent hoarding. It's not great, but it's something I'm working on. - Captain Kovaks, D20Live

Blast of Many Little Guys Upon You;

Listen i Know the bear was More Horrifying, but that chipmunk moment Stuck With Me

*coldmori is off hiatus due to dommars deactivation from tumblr*

the freak,

heres some passing thoughts ive had of him:

(huge rant) (tw, cutting, hoarding, unreality, and very unhealthy and deranged behavior)

the knife sunny carries around is omori

but in a very odd way

sunny thinks he is omori but can also communicate with omori like another entity, the best way to discribe it is like sunny belives omori is his consious/soul telling him what to do, and is also therefore himself

and that his consious/soul has possessed the knife

this line of thought makes no sense because sunny fucking insane and this is all in his head

-

sunny cuts

when he is unable to sleep he takes it out on himself,

he also does this as an endurence test,

thinking if he can show no emotion during the cutting then that somehow validates him

also in phycosis he cuts to try and make life,

being that any part of omori can create beings, sunny makes very sloppy paper versions of his friends and tires to use his blood to get them to animate

this doesnt work

-

sunny also shaves with his knife

he uses his standard kitchen knife to cut off chunks of head hair when they get too long

and uses a very dulled (slightly rusty) razor along with water-diluted shaving cream (like how people mix water with soap to perserve it) to keep himself hairless

he sometimes gets so anyoyed he'll spend hours nonstop plucking every hair he can find off of his body

he hates the feeling of hair, he hates looking at hair, he hates hair

doesnt seem to mind rw kels hair tho

-

sunny hates taking baths of any sort so he will just soak a rag in water, sit in an empty tub, and wash with the rag, he uses diluted hand soap as shampoo, conditioner, and body wash

sometimes he'll fall asleep in the tub , and upon waking and realizing hes in the tub will start screaming and kicking and flailing in unimaginable distress, thinking hes submerged in water and actively drowning

-

sunny hoards, he hoards anything he can find

he keeps cat food containers and empty bottles, he keeps all the hair he cuts off and all the dandruff that falls from his skull

sunny has always been sort of a hoarder but it was only taken to the extreme within the timespan of his isolation

sunny hoarded beanie babies, and rocks, and cool pens before this, and occasionally would hold onto wrappers

taking any of this from him then would result in crying

taking anything from him now would result in stabbing, unless you take his knife, then he'll just colapse on the floor

-

sunnys phone died a long long time ago, the eletric bill hasnt been payed in a while so chargers dont work

his phone is also sevearly outdated , being he got it at around 10 and was suppoed to get a new one at 13

kel still sends messages to sunnys phone, sunny has looked through all of the ones he could before his phone died, and claws his hair out dying to know what the rest of the messages say

the last thing sunny did on his phone was take an "am i gay" buzzfeed quiz, he didnt get to finish it before the phone died, but he was picking VERY gay options

he only has his house phones which kel does sometimes leave voicemails on

sometimes in an act of rebelion against omori, sunny manages to break free from omoris manipulation and call kel on his home phone

these calls dont last long, and sunny has never spoken throught he phone, just sits and listens

sunny has ocasionally even attempted to call aubrey or hero and even tried mari, theyve never picked up, esspecially mari

-

sunny tries to mimic normal behavior, such as attending school,

he has no idea what highschool would teach him though, so he prestends to have a class in omorology , with a major in stabbing things

-

sunny hates the feeling of clothes, he used to be fine with it but hes grown to absolutely hate pants and shoes, even some shirts

sunny bites his nails eccesively, and his toenails, and bites the skin around them

sunny celebrates his birthdays mainly in headspace but if he so happens to be awake on them he'll make himself a cat-food cake and put pencils and pens in the top as candles

he's also rewarded with being alowed to *very risky* unlock the sliding glass door (not open it) and look outside

do not tell kel this information , he'll be clammering to that door faster than the speed of light

-

sometimes sunny has dreams that do not follow the headspace naritive, some about the real world

in one dream he was kel inside sunnys house, trying to look for sunny, who was outside

in another, sunnys house had a small coraline-esque door that lead all the way to kels home, but in the middle of the hallway connecting the two homes, was a room that had yellow cigarette stained walls, a bowl of fruit, and a small wall-mount tv on the ceiling playing blues clues,

to which then sunny promplty forgot he was going to kels, and just sat eating the fruit and watching blues clues

one had aubrey being the one knocking, and kel being stuck in some baseball court that was also like a food court at a mall, slowly drowning in ketchup, hero was also there but he was inside sunnys house and telling him not to worry about kel because "he has the newest iphone, which has teleportation"

and in another, the entire earth became sentient and was going to kill them all, and the only way to save everyone was to wake up, but when sunny realized this he became lucid,

and when he became lucid it just so happened that kel was suddenly there and cuddling him while they both died, also for some reason sunny was the president of the US

hes had multiple dreams about eating cactuses with the spikes where still on them, oddly, he really really wants to do this but has no idea why

sunny also had a dream that he was just a conecpt inside the mind of some 15 year old on a mystical app called "tumblr",

this dream was so weird he woke up screaming and then vomited and passed out again

cannibalistic attraction

[pt: cannibalistic attraction /end pt]

A type of attraction solely characterized by want for cannibalism. This can include wanting to cannibalize the one you're attracted to, be cannibalized by them, a desire for mutual cannibalism, etc.

There are theoretically infinite subtypes of cannibalistic attraction all of which include aspects of cannibalism as well as another attraction experience. They usually start with "cann-" or "canni-" unless another modifier is added such as queercannilial(link), but you can go crazy with it.

This is sorta an umbrella term for all of those as well as its own thing if you want

simplified/accessible

[pt: simplified/accessible /end pt]

Based on the gendercannibal(link) flag

Cannibalistic attraction masterpost(link)

Hoooly shit okay yeah. Long time coming. It literally just recently occurred to me this never existed. Cannibalistic attraction!!!

flag templates

[pt: flag templates /end pt]

symbol template

[pt: symbol template /end pt]

[cannibalistic attraction flag id: a rectangular flag with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 2nd, 12th, and 13th line are triangular. the 4th and 10th line are wavy, and the rest are straight. line sizes in this order from top to bottom: 2 thick, 9 medium, 2 thick. the 4th line has been made to look like it is dripping from multiple spots. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: dark red, maroon, crimson, a slightly desaturated red, red, dark pinkish red, and bright pink. in the center of the flag is a heart shaped piece of meat with red flesh. /end id]

[divider id: a transparent divider with cartoon drawings of a heart, an eye, and lungs in that order. it repeats 5 or so times /end id]

[simplified cannibalistic attraction flag id: a rectangular flag with 13 horizontal lines. the 1st, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 13th line are medium thickness, the 2nd and 12th lines are thicker, 3rd and 11th are thinnest, and the 4th and 10th are thickest. colors in this order starting from the top and reflected after the last listed color: dark red, maroon, red, a more desaturated red, a lighter red, reddish pink, and light pink. in the center of the flag is a heart shaped piece of meat with desaturated red flesh /end id]

[divider id: a transparent divider with cartoon images of a brain, a tooth, and intestines in that order. it's repeated 5 or so times /end id]

[cannibalistic attraction flag template id: a completely greyscale version of the cannibalistic attraction flag without the symbol /end id]

[simplified cannibalistic attraction flag template id: a completely greyscale version of the simplified cannibalistic attraction flag without the symbol /end id]

[cannibalistic attraction symbol id: a completely greyscale version of the cannibalistic attraction symbol /end id]

[banner id: a black banner with a white outline and white outlined text with a drawing to the left on a transparent background. the text reads "READ MY IWC" in big text and underneath it reads "anyone can use my terms but I will block you" in smaller text. to the left is a drawing of Higan drawn by John/TOOBOE squatting with her knees together. /end id]

the coffee didn’t work i had to wake myself up with selfcest

now we get to the stuff that makes people look at me weirdly BUT I'M HAVING FUN SO WHO GIVE A SHIT

featuring things that- MORE OR LESS REVOLVE AROUND @xaq-the-aereon's crossover game The Hato Parable ( which you should totally play ), ranging from legitimate fanart to AU stuff directly inspired by it- including various bird designs for the narrator - from a raven/crow, a chukar partridge, to finally - a grey partridge;

( ALSO FEATURING !!!!! @singalongpokey's hiyoko design & @indigo-art's narrator arthur! or a rendition of him as a bird, anyway )

i lost my dad a decade ago and it was the worst six months or so of my life. all the practical stuff that has to be dealt with after a parent dies feels so impossible. you definitely deserve All the back pats

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, even though I hope you're in a better space now. And, yeah, it's exhausting, because there were some upsides to my situation--this had been coming for a very long time despite that he wasn't really that old he'd had this stuff his entire adult life just about, it was something of a relief that he was no longer suffering so much, I have wanted to clean like this for years, I had a lot of stuff already planned out, re: paperwork and goals--there are other downsides, mostly that my dad was a hoarder. He'd made a lot of progress on going through stuff over the last couple of years, but there's still just. So. Much. And it all needs a decision, because sure okay the food packaging boxes he liked to save to store things in, those can all go, but why throw a perfectly good flashlight even if he had 30 of them? They're little ones! They glow in the dark! I like them, too! They store nicely! (I struggle with hoarding as well, as you can see.) And that's just one thing. Okay, now about the tools. You should have a good set of the basics, you can always use a good screwdriver. But which ones to keep? Okay, now here's another stack of paperwork that he saved, how many bank statements do I need to save? Okay time to talk to the insurance agent make sure you have the original policy paperwork to send in, okay time to talk to social security, oh they don't put the instructions on there correctly and it has to be redone and sent in with another death certificate, okay time to talk to the bank to transfer his account, okay time to decide if mom wants to keep the cable because it's expensive and she really only watches just the one channel, okay time to decide how many pairs of gloves do we need, because there have been times they come in handy (defrosting the freezer needs a pair of gloves oh my god), okay time to decide which of these desk fans to keep and which to throw, okay time to decide do you need this rolly table that is perfectly good it's just kind of ugly and you don't really have an idea for it, other than the one in the laundry area that you store the clothes basket on while you do laundry, okay time to decide if you want to keep this radio in case the power goes out and you want to hear the local updates, okay time to decide if you should save the backup garden hose (not the ones outside, this one is in the house) it's perfectly good but do you need a backup?, okay where did those copies of the death certificate go, okay it's started snowing so is it still time to call the thrift store to come pick up this dresser that's finally empty and can be taken away or should I wait until the second one is empty and they can take both at the same time, okay time to figure out which of these bottles still has cleaner in it and which he kept just in case he could use the bottle, okay time to decide-- And that's on top of the dishes need to be put away, the laundry is still going, and there is so. much. dust. It gives me something to do, which I'm thankful for, but also it's so many decisions. Anyone going through this or has gone through it in the past, line up with me, we're getting some back pats for this RIGHT NOW. ;)

. stamp hoard . .‿.‿.‿.‿.‿.‿.

[ part seven ]

Sad Ballister and food headcanons

He would be coming from an environment where he wouldn't be sure when his next meal will be or where it would be coming from. It could be something he pulled out of a dumpster, it could be something he stole from a food cart, it could be a handout from a passerby. He has no way to ensure its quality or its quantity. He would need to make it last as long as it can so that he's full for as long as possible.

When he gets to the Institute, there's a dining hall and three full meals a day. It's absolutely insane. It's literally handed to them on a silver platter. There's no uncertainty, no violent competing for limited resources; there's more than enough for everyone. And even though he might logically understand that, underneath there's the anxiety that somehow it might run out and he would be hungry again.

So, he takes rolls, apples, and anything else that will fit in his pockets back to his room. And he hides them. He's pretty sure he's not allowed to do this, but he's so scared of being hungry that he can't stop. Occasionally he'll have some when he wakes up in the middle of the night but for the most part, he's not hungry anymore. Or if he is hungry, it's not gut-twisting hunger pains so he can't justify eating his stash; he needs to save it for when he's desperate.

But that never comes. Eventually, he begins to trust in the Institution's resources and that there will always be enough to feed everyone. The food under his bed is rotten and covered in mold when he finally pulls it out again. He throws it out, disgusted that he ever thought he could eat that at some point.

Jump forward several years, he's no longer at the Institute. He's on the run, labeled a "queen killer," "a villain," "a monster." His arm is gone, his home is gone, the people he thought he could trust are gone, his safety is gone. He's living in a run-down forgotten mechanic shop on the edge of the Kingdom. It's filled with drafts that let the cold in, rats that scuttle around the floor, and more safety violations than he can count. And he's hungry. He can't go to the store, he can't go to a restaurant, he can't order anything. He's a criminal now. So, he's back to where he started, stealing and dumpster diving. He finds half a sandwich that doesn't look that bad and starts scarfing it down. With a few bites left, he realizes he should save it; his hand may be shaking and his vision blurring now but he'll need it more later. It goes in his cloak.

Jump forward again, the wall and the Director are gone. But so is Nimona. He's reworking things with Ambrosius, figuring out where they stand now. He's been staying in a guest room in the Goldenloin's sprawling mansion; it wasn't his first choice but he didn't have anywhere else to go. There's a long banquet table they use for meals and Ballister slips food into his pocket with every course. He doesn't know how long he'll be staying; he might need it later if he leaves. Ambrosius notices out of the corner of his eye and frowns. Giving him time to pull away, he slowly puts his hand on Ballister's wrist. Their eyes meet but Ambrosius doesn't say anything, he just looks at him with a sad expression. Ballister doesn't need him to say anything though, he gets it. He's not on the run anymore. He doesn't have to worry about basic survival. He's cared for here. He's safe.

He puts the piece of bread he tucked away back on the table and intertwines his fingers with his lover's.

(Also I think that for the first few months after he came to the Institue he would fight the other kids over his food. Someone asks for a piece of his potatoes? He slams their head into the table. Someone reaches across his plate to grab smth else but it looks like it could be his food? He twists their arm behind their back. Todd jokingly tried to take his whole plate once so Bal bashed him over the head w it. It was a combination of him getting in trouble, him becoming more trusting in the Institute, and the other kids learning to leave him alone during meal time that finally stopped it. If you're out on the street and someone tries to take your only food, you fight them like hell for it bc it very well could be the difference between life and death for you. The Director never understood that no matter how many times Bal tried to explain to her why he attacked the other kids.)

CW Objectification

In this file, the listener will be enveloped by the powerful hypnotic breath of the Dragon Queen. Slowly being turned into a display piece.

This is my first attempt at a hypnosis file. I hope you all enjoy it.

Hey girl, new thought for you:

Butcher Cannibal!Ghost lazily fucking Reader while casually chopping off one of her limbs :/// she’s strapped down extra tight so she can’t break away from him while he takes pleasure and flesh alike from his little victim :((( if she’s lucky he also has her numbed/anesthetized somehow so there’s less struggling to deal with, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Also he makes sure you cum at the exact moment your limb is fully severed. Taunts you for it too even though he damn well knows it’s his fault. The way you clench around him with each movement of the hacksaw has him cumming so damn hard. Says he’ll have to do this more often.

Bonus point: If it’s one of your arms he’s taking, once it’s finally severed, he might just slap you around with your own arm for a bit and watch you sob so hard you retch. And/or he keeps it for a bit and uses the hand to jerk himself off over your pale, teary face :((((

~bloodlust (PLZ ACKNOWLEDGE MEEEEE MY ASKS ARE PROBABLY GROWING PENICILIN BY NOW 😭😭😭 /nm /lh)

cw gore/torture/amputation, full non con ***DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT FR***

NEED TOU TO UDNERSTAND IM A DRAGON HOARDING YOUR ASKS BC THEY ARE TOO GOOD!??!!! making out w u sloppy rn bc u get me

Don't think about him cutting or chopping bits off bloodlust, think better: sawing them off. it's not a clean cut. it's not over in 20 seconds. it's him edging himself watching him saw a knife back and forth as he removes your hand !!!

*cough* him finger fucking you with your own hand *cough* *cough* feeling it grow cold and stiff