#a good desition honestly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fipindustries · 9 months

Text

oppen heimer style

let me just start this by saying that this is not necesarily nolan being back to form, necesarily. i would place it just above the rest of nolan's dark period known as intersrellar, dunkirk and tenet. but that is not an exceedingly high bar to pass.

he has sadly become a director that i still respect appreciate and whose movies i enjoy but whom i can no longer say is an unmatched genius.

lets start with the bad.

its too long, and its pacing its a little awkward, no need to worry for spoilers here since we all know the history. the big money shot that we were all expecting, the trinity test, it happens roughly at the middle of the movie and after that the movie struggles to reach any other point of heightened emotion as high as that one.

its a solid three hour experience and more than once it had me wondering "ok, how much left, are we done yet?" but i will say this: once i reached the final scene and the credits start i did not feel a tired relief that it was finaly over, thank god. i feel dread, i felt doom and dread. i was fucking terrified. this movie has a good strong final scene that makes you forget of previous tests of patience you might have gone through watching it.

it tries to do this weird parallel story telling between lewis strauss and oppenheimer that it feels like they tried to film two different movies and then awkwardly splie them together. it jumps back and forth between the past and the present told form different points of view and a lot of it feels like it could have been cut out and the movie would have worked just as well. im not sure how necessary was the whole lewis strauss subplot to be honest.

the characters and dialog work a little better than in previous movies although we still get a lot of scenes of people talking in a clinical manner with expository dialog and deep philosophical musings. but once again i will say nolan seems to be learning some lessons, we do get a lot of scenes where actors are allowed to flex their emotional muscles.

in a lot of ways this is nolan's most lurid film. i think this is the first time we get to see breasts and naked people having sex in a nolan movie and it hits hard, both because of how unexpected it is in a nolan film and because of how out of context it shows up in-universe. i dont actually want to spoil this one because the effect it achieves actually worked really well.

and now moving on to the good, if i mentioned this might be nolan at his most lurid, it is certainly also at his most poetic. sure there is inception, but in here we get to see a lot of surrealist or downright metaphorical scenes without the excuse of being inside a dream. we get to see things that are not happening literally in universe but that are an artistic representation of what the characters are feeling. it felt really effective.

the man himself

this is a movie that is very much about the titular guy and trying to understand his inner world, trying to understand who the hell was this person, and honestly, where did he get off.

it seems oppenheimer was a complicated man, whose actions and desitions were sometimes confusing, sometimes downright contradictory (there is a nice wink to this when talking about the paticle/wave duality at the beggining of the film). he was a communist, he was a proud american, he was a genius, he was painfully naive,he was merely following orders but he had absolute control over his little town in los alamos, he worked hard for peace, he created nuclear war, he built a bomb that he didnt want people to use.

i heard criticisms that this movie romanticizes his work, that it may excuse or justify the use of the bomb, that it may be too kind with the guy. rest assured it doesnt. the movie brings up multiple times how the japanese were basically already surrendering, how senseless and callous and cruel the use on japanese cities was, how attrocious and horrifying the effects of the bomb were. and how oppenheimer definely contributed to it. if it shows the guy hand wringing or feeling gulty or trying to be a martyr of sorts, the movie definetly calls him out on that too by saying that its very rich of him to have done the deed and then regret it as if he didnt knew what he was doing or as if he had no control over it. a lot of times the movie shows the man as spineless, as a moral coward, as someone who was too weak to take on a position. "you dont get to commit a sin and then make everyone else feel pity for you because there are consequences!" is yelled at his face.

yet all the same, either because he is portrayed by cyllian murphy and his puppy dog eyes or because nolan deep down still admires who he was and what he did, you cant help but feel bad for the guy and like him still. he was a person, a complicated person with ugly sides that this movie in no way ignores, but still a brilliant man who at the very least had the basic decency to feel bad for the atrocities he contributed to.

going back to the movie itself

its has a weirdly star studded cast. if you were surprised by the sudden appearance of matt damon in interstellar, get ready to have that feeling multiple times during this film, every other scene suddenly shows up a hollywood megastar and it will take a few seconds before you accept ok, i guess gary oldman is in this film, and is that rami malek? and oh right, robert downy junior and oh my god is that fucking kenneth brannagh. in fact the one hollywood actor who is NOT in this movie, is surprisingly, inexplicably enough michael caine.

truly, breaking new ground.

and the cameos dont stop at the stars, the characters themselves are a constant delightful surprise if you are into the history of quantum mechanics and science in the first half of the 20th century. you have einstein of course (presented as this old exiled king, his time of glory long past but still sough after for his wisdom) but you have also bohrs, heisenberg, feynman, fermi, and fucking gödel somehow (they managed to shoe in a comment about his paranoia and hipocondry)

the actual explosion

time to talk about the thing we all went to see this movie for. is the atomic explosion cool? is it big? is it loud? does it go boom? does it look cool?.

suffice to say. yes. one of the coolest experiences i had in watching film ever in my life. it has a build up of a solid 30 minutes or so (arguably its been building up the entire movie) the tensin keeps on rising all through out. the countdown slowly advances, the expectations are at the highest theyve ever been and by the time the bomb was actually about to go off in the middle of the american desert, the first atom bomb ever exploted, my heart was hammering out of my chest.

its fully worth the price of admission and the three hours.

final comments

i want to double back to the poetic filmmaking i mentioned early to comment about the main thing its used for. nolan makes it clear in no uncertain terms the horror that atomic weapons unleashed on the world. the man goes out of his way to make it clear, these things can destroy the planet. we've all become perhaps a bit desensitized to atomic explosion in film, made more and more espectacular with the advancement of cgi. but this movie brings it back home and leaves you with a last message about the danger of nuclear proliferation.

i walked out of the theatre with my legs shaking and my eyes falling out of my skull. i had a hard time talking a bit afterwards, i was a little shell shocked.

so, i guess in the end, my thoughts on this movie are just as complicated as the man himself, the man who oppenheimed the world.

8/10

#oppenheimer

185 notes · View notes

lactosa2 · 1 month

Text

I think i may let my obsession whit Omen grow to much, but i dont complain. there is some gramatical mistakes, don´t complain, english not my first lenguage :3. there is a posibility that this drabble could have second part, honestly i don´t totally know.

cc: Drabble, soft, comfy, 5.246 words, Omen balls mencioned 📢📢

COZY

Since two months ago, Omen was staying on your apartament, you both had a good and trustfull relationship , and for that he vented whit you about how he felt whit the protocol since he knew something about his past, he wasn´t confotable anymore in the base and you understanding it, so, you offered him long ago a place for live.

Sadly he didn´t have the savings for affort it, so in place, he was staying whit you whit the time he could need.

1:23 AM

You were in the bed, awake, but still sleep, is like the bad thoughts about yourelft let a void inside of you, it wasn´t like you thinked that you deserved the worst, it was that everytime someone gived you a bad treatment you will excuse it and let it just happened, not cry or change it, it had been a normal activity.

You had forget were you are, why and whit who, so when Omen ended apearing next to you scared the shit out of you, not to much, just making you laught softly whit a sigh of relief when you noticed who was.

"I said to you to touch my shoulder when you enter.."- You complained with the voice a lit shaky for the sudden apear, but honestly, you didn´t complained. "What a little girl." he said whit his harsh tone, closing his arms while he laid on your bed next to you.

"You are a asshole, you know right" he listened to you while he moved a little his shoulders, making you frown "What a kind of guess are you" you said while cobering yourself whit the sheest of the bed.

"I didn´t ask you to make a favor" his voice still sharsh, but it was soft, teasing. -"You are out of my hause, tomorrow"- he hitted the back of your head softly. -"Abusive"- he giggled softly in a low voice, his nails massaging your scalp, -"So... i´ll stay here, okay?"- he whispered next to your ear

"Mnh.." you noded and he did it too, standing up, "Where you go.." you complained when he left the bed, opening your eyes and looking at him with sleepy face and messy hair (sorry if youre bald) "I must go, Sage want to talk..." he said as he fixed his clothes.

"Put a little up your pants"- You said in a whisper, smiling like dumb.-"What..?" he asked with sighly shock, not knowing what you meant, "Up your pants, they are to low... i almost can see your balls"- you giggled while reposing your cheek at the pillow, hugging it. "Maybe that´s the idea.." He laughted a bit while fixing his cape and putting it on the right place.

"You want to show your balls while talking whit Sage?... what a weird way from conquist someone, Your balls are THAT stunning?" you smiled like dumb again, his voice soft and a little high. -"Want to know?" he offered whit his hands on his belt, warning to take it off. "Lets change the topic..." you giggled and glanced yout tounge outside a little, then, drowning yourself more deep in bed.

"What Sage want now?.." You asked with the voice sleepy, you were making everthing under your power so you won´t sleep, it was hard. "I dont know..." He whispered, it was certain that he and Sage had a frienship, but Omen leaved and was his desition to do so. "And..'" you said, siting on the bed and fixing your hair a little (Sorry for bald peoplex2) "I don´t want to dissapoint the protocol.." he said in a low sad voice, poor.

"Their opinion doesn´t matter, no when you are the one suffering, Sage or Viper can empatize with you, even had lived similar things, but they will never understand because they aren´t you... and for that you are the one who have to put the strength and continue with what you want." you said firmly, it was horrible seeing him wanting to be free but feel encapsulated by all his past. "I don´t know what i want.."- He confessed whit his head down.

"Then discober it, simple." you said while rubing your hand on your eye. "How.." he asked, looking at you as you cober your mouth because you yawned. "I don´t know... that´s something that you have to discober".

"Then why they don´t think like you... why they don´t give me the space you do?..." he asked frustrated, the protocol always trated him as a family, someone more of the group, but that was what made them forget that Omen is someone individual too, that have his own emotions and thoughts, something you did´nt.

"Because they are not me..." you standed up and putted a hand on his shoulder as a sigh of confort, Omen, instantly turned back and envolved his arms on your wasit, snuggling you against him. You didn´t protest and putted your arms arround his neck. "Im not the only who wan´t to suport you, but if you need me, i´ll be here.." You whispered softly.

In some way you feel the same as Omen, not ecxactly what he is feeling, but enough similar to know how suport him, and if the protocol didn´t did that, then you´ll be the one. that was your objetive.

"I won´t go.." He whispered while his hand opened and holded your back, still presing you against his torso. "What you want to do then?.." you asked in a soft and low voice, trying to confort him. -"Cuddle" he said faster as he could.

"Cuddles will be." you giggled softly when he tighted his hold on your waist and holded you up, pressing you against him while he let his body fall onto the bed, when both falled, you snuggled against him, his hands goed to your hair (Sorry for the bald peoplex3) and play whit the softest of this. his head against your cheast, listening to your heartbeats.

"Comfy?.." you asked with a soft smile, kissing his head. "Do it again" he said and you ended kissing his head everytime he asked. you giggled and did it again, again, again and again. As long he asked for it.

#valorant x reader #valorant #omen x reader #omen valorant #valorant omen #valorant omen x reader #valorant sage

14 notes · View notes

hirik0 · 1 month

Text

Back to you part 6

Makarov/Yuri

When Yuri wakes up he's in an awful mode his alarm is way to loud and happend way to early. Working for Makarov? Forget it! Why did he even thought that's a good idea in the first place? This also means his plan to get Jack a phishing link also needs to change, god fucking damm it. He groans covering his eyes with his left arm, the sun is to bright, he sleeped to less, his throat hurt and has a cut and he has a video call with his lawyer in 30 minutes and the worst problem he has is that Makarov will be at his doorstep or a killer send by him at anytime. He more falls out the bad then rolling and he just want to sleep a littel longer. First thing he needs to cover the bandags around his throat, like his laywer can't see this, so he searches for a scarf or a turtle neck in his closet, nearly not finding either. In his hast he nearly dressed in the dress shirt with blood on the collar. Rushing half dressed, who needs pants if everybody is only seeing the upper half of your body, to the kitchen, where he nearly drops his full coffee cup. He will go back to bed after this call, nothing good will happen to him today. The call also starts in the worst way possible, his laywer looking clearly displeased before she drops this bomb question on him. "Did you sent anyone to intimate your husband?", Lucy Harris is asking him looking angry. "No", Yuri answers being confused by the question, to tiered to even entertain whi she even could refer too. "Well I had a phone call if your ex husbands laywer yesterday and they told me that you sent somebody to provoke him in his favourite bar to get a better case to divorce him." Yuri frowns taking a sip of his coffee trying to get his brain to work. "When was that?", he asks he would remeber if he ask anybody to do this. "The night you were in Moscow with your old friend." Yuris frown gets bigger at this what is she talking about. The realisation hits him like a train, she's talking about Makarov. "I never asked anybody to piss of Jack. If this person was there it was their desition and I don't have anything to do with it." "Well it would be good when it don't happen again." "Of course, I will talk to him." A fat lie because Makarov would do it anyway, especially now that they are fighting. "Good, well they are still push the dates for mediation around so their is honestly not much we can do for now, I can complain to the court over this of course, but I don't think it's to much if an issue now", she explains and Yuri just nods along money is not really an issue sure it sucks but thanks to Zakheav he actually has some really good paying jobs on the line. He also needs the time to adjust his plan now that... oh oh genius of course that can work perfectly. Getting Makarov of Jack with the fake Instagram perfect genius, if he dont get killed later this day. "Of course that sounds great", Yuri says to something he only half listened. And soon after the call ends, what means he can just go back to sleep for few more hours or till Makarov kills him.

Makarov didn't even sleep yet, breathing hurts and well nobody said he can't do work from the bed. So just simply started working. Going through the information he had on the last gig before 141, Europoles new wunder weapon against organisation crime, fucking losers in his opinion, confiscated half of his weapon shipment. Who was on it, who know what who is the mole? He even didn't most analog, do no text, no mails and somebody still got information out, the tablet he uses right now can't even connect to the Internet. Oh this rat will suffer, touring him will be so fun, so satisfying, but he first need to smoke them out. His eye burn from exhaustion, he's getting a nasty stress headache. Circulation a few false information, drawing the circel closer and closer like a shark swimming around a seal hiding on a rock, before taking the lethal bit. But he also need somebody on the outside, somebody that can keep track of what false information is circulating and who was told what, he can always ask Milena he made her husband fall on a knife 8 time after all and she is also profiting from his buisness in more indirect ways, but he dont want to. Everyone knows that he and Milena are close so his men will be careful around her he needs a new face. He lets himself fall back against the pillows when his mind sets on Yuri. Yuri would be perfect, few people know him, he could join easly, well till last night he would say he can trust him, but not with the Zahkeav situation. He's honestly not even angry at Yuri anymore well maybe still a littel bit, but he's now mostly angry at Victor Zakhaev how did he even found Yuri? Depending on what he will learn at 3 pm there are probably a lot of persons trying to recruit Yuri to work for them exclusively. But Yuri is his, only his.

He sits in his office the pain meds finaly working. Waiting for Paval, his man for cyber crime what makes a good stable amount of money every year. Yuri claimed he sometimes sold to Pavel and well truth soon will be discovered. Pavel looks pale when he walks in as to be aspected, being called in by the boss with out given a reason is usally a very bad sign. His hands are slightly shaking when he sits down ready to throw a subordinate under the bus if needed. "What can you tell me over the Magpie, Pavel?", Makarov asks enjoying the effect he has on the other man. "His malware is amazing, but the windows you can buy from him are rare, he sometimes even offers to write custom programs for the right amount of money, but nobodyever could confirm that. His work is good, he's on time, I always buy something when his shop is open." Makarov nods along so if Yuri is who he claims to be he is a very valuable asset to the organisation. "What do you know about him?" Pavel frowns that is the whole point of him only selling a few times a year is to make sure he can't be found that easy, there is only one think that is seen as confirmed that he must work on cyber security. A insider making money on the side with crime. "He works in cyber security, besides that he's hiding his identity very well. Makarov frowns at this so how did Zakheav found him then? Pavel starts to sweat under the angry gaze of his boss, not sure if he is of the hook or not. "Would you reconices his work?", Makarov asks having to suppress a yawn, he needs more coffee. "I even have some of his latest work to directly compare it to anyone that claims to be the Magpie", Pavel nearly wispers not wanting to unleash Makarovs anger on himself. "Perfect, be prepared to do so, you can go now." With this Makarov dismisses Pavel who has the feeling he's a gazelle getting away from a very hungry lion. So he walks out of the place as fast as he can without looking like he's running. Makarov makes himself another coffee he really wants a drink, but he don't mixes medication with alcohol, the risk of accidently killing himself out of stupidity. That would be embarrassing because he's the man with at least 5 back up plans, the man that knows how to use legal grey zones for his advantage, the one never been pinned down for the big crimes, always getting away. Not for a lag of trying and the 141 is becoming a pain in his ass, Captain John Price had a interesting team. His attack dog Simon 'Ghost' Riley who lost his whole family because of a cartel, Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick his protégé since he finished college with degree in forensics, the hard to kill Gary 'Roach' Sanderson who lost his voice in a undercover mission he barely survived and the new guy John 'Soap' MacTavish who before worked in the bomb squad. Not to forget his supporters behind the scenes Nikolai somebody that left crime to become a police officer, Kate Laswell and Alex Keller that are their contacts to Interpol, Shepard leader of a anti drug unit of the several US agencies and his attack dog Graves who is in lead in the fight against Mexican Cartels.

He takes a sip from his coffee if he had to bet money on it he would put it on Graves having installed a mole. He's actually know for doing highly questionable undercover missions, most aren't as lucky a Sanderson and survive when the cover is ultimately blown. 141 stared to target him around 7 months, ruining plans of his all over Europe, but the mole must be here for longer. Makarov knows the failing rate for new people to join his organisation is around 70%, most of them die, the next biggest reason he rejects them because their work is bad, they are unreliable, some cracking under the pressure of police when all they have to do is shut their stupid mouth. So for somebody to get this high to get that valueable information to seriously hurting his organisation they must work for him for nearly two years, must be working directly under one of his Lieutenants. His coffee mug is half empty and the damm drink can't keep his exhaustion at bay anymore. He can visit Yuri after he sleeped, making a strategic move tiered can end disaster because Yuri is probably well rested by now and would likely not put up a fight this time. Also when he breaks into Yuris place at a unsuspected time or when Yuri is asleep he has the uper hand.

Yuri is still tiered when he wakes up again in the late afternoon. He is still alive, what don't mean that Makarov is not in his living room when he leaves his bed room. But their is no Makarov in his living room waiting for him, what honestly is worse, if the other Russian would be in his place he atleast knows he is about to die. Now he hast to wait, he turns on his laptop so he can check his mails. He puts a pizza in the oven because well he need to eat. Before laughing at his silly thought, you can just text Makarov and ask. While waiting for his pizza he checks over his mails, seeing a familiar mail address from work. Kate Laswell wrote him, he frowns should he read it, should he just delete it? He can still delete it after reading. He already cringes when he reads the first part of the mail. Sure Kate probably don't know he's divorcing their interaction were always exclusively business.

Dear Mr. Blaire,

Mrs Potter was so friendly to give me your new business mail address. We were very grateful if we could still use your expirince for some of our cases, please send me a list with your prices as soon as possible.

Regards

Kate Laswell

He looks dumbfounded at the mail for a while. He never planned to keep working in cyber security, did he told that his colleagues sure, but it was a lie. Also of course Alice gave out his e-mail out, one he also only uses to keep the lie from being to obvious. He thinks about simply deleting the mail account, does he really still need it? It would be foolish to keep the account now that he has the first profitable jobs to modify certain malware and bots for the people Zahheav introduced him. The smell of pizza is slowly filling the room so he takes a look at it, the cheese isn't melded enough for him. When he goes back to his laptop he nearly clicks delete account when he rembers he also gave this mail also to his lawyer. So he does the next best think blocking Laswell and deleting her mail with out answering. This is probably something he should talk with Makarov about if ge survives the fight ring problem. After getting the pizza out if the oven he grabs his phone opening his chat with Makarov. Seeing his drink text from the night in Moscow with Milena and he laughts at the absurdity on how their relationship did a 180 by now. He still sends the silly text he about Makarov killing him.

Yuri: you decided on killing me yet or can I do work?

Its such a stupid text, why did he even send it? He bits in his pizza the cheese and tomato sauce burning his mouth. Great really a bad day, he sits down on his couch laptop on his lap pizza on the couch table and it's fucking nostalgic. He can't even recall how often Makarov, Milena and him sat after university together in a living room all doing homework and complain about it. How often they would ask Makarov about the law, how often he helped Milena with the math for her buisness degree how often the other looked over his code to find the one missing semicolon so the code would work. He was happy back then. All of them working their ass of in university at day and at the fighting ring at night to finance their degrees. Then Jack happened and Makarov and Milena stayed away, because they could not stand his boyfriend. How they would fight, because of Jack their friendship crumbling honestly a wonder they even came to the wedding. But now after all this time after he came back it don't feel like things never changed, like Jack never happened, well besides Makarov maybe killing him after he already gave him a unheard second chance he won't get a third.

Makarov: Andrei will come by and you will give him an USB-stick with some of your code for comparison

Y: you can read code by now?

M: I have people for that

Y: of course you have

Yuri sighs so his contact person in Makarovs organisation want to see some of his work, to compare to what he sells. He rolls his eyes coding a classic first generation malware. He eats the next slice of pizza thinking what to do add to it to give it his spin. Something that screams Magpie. Mid chew he knows exactly what to do. Does he have to prove to his claim of being the Magpie sure to a stranger, but he also can do something that Makarov knows from back in universety.

#call of duty #makayuri #vladimir makarov #cod yuri

8 notes · View notes

wisdominfumbling · 14 days

Text

Taking accountability over actions.

My parents have always told me life is all about making desitions and hopefully making the right ones.. Now my dad specifically tells me that more importantly life is about making the wrong ones and learning from that. Learning from the pain, the suffering, the shame, the loneliness, the anxiety and so much more. At frist I didn´t understand when he would say that

¿Why would my own father want me experiencing those feelings?

Later on in life I have found the answer, cause he loves me and he wants me to be happy and life a full life, be a complete woman and in order for me to be that I have to have awful days and weeks, hopefully not months and years but you never know. Now I thought I knew what heartache felt like, a breakup, love related feelings but the truth is I have never been in love, never felt true relationship like love, out of my mind Romeo and Juliet love. I know guys have I´ve been with have felt that for me but I have never been able to reciprocate. ¿Why? I have a short (but still important) list of reasons:

Im immature, somehow I still believe in the perfect guy. tall, handsome (not pretty), smart, loyal, funny, pro family, respectful, athelic, good in bed, manly. And I blame my dad for that, he has always shown me that I deserve the world and the best and that everyone is replaceable and when someone doesn´t fit into one of those requirements I should leave. now the problem is that it really shouldn´t be like that. Im not telling you to settle for something lower but I am saying that some things can be fixed and you should focus on the core of the person. most important is that they have to be loyal, tall, pro family, have a job and respectful. the rest can be altered, I can style him better, cut his hair different, send him to the gym, show him tricks in bed. not so important things but the core should be top requirements for a boyfriend.

I only know how to obsess with guys, dont know how to love them.

Im scared of commitment, Im terrified of telling them everything and then im this vulnerable person and they´ll maybe do the same to me.

Im insecure, physically. im always gonna be comparing to other women specially the cute, thin, blonde ones. I always find them more feminine, prettier.

If there are more reasons.. i forgot them.

The point is, due to those reasons im not able to be in a relationship only situationships work until they start getting serious and i dip or do something to fuck everything up. And thats exactly what i did, if i can give you good and simple advice.. DO NOT DATE YOUR FRIENDS FRIENDS.. EVER. yes it can go really well but it also can go REALLY bad. and you dont want to go there, im telling you.

I was going out with my boy bestfriend´s friend, all good, he had more interest in me than i had in him, he asked me out we went out a couple times on dates, i stayed over at his house, all good (kinda, im not gonna get into the werid stuff that pulled me away) but even after i posted him on my story and people saw us out and about, i still got some dms of guys i used to talk to (and fuck) wanting to see me and stuff. This specific guy im kinda obsessing with dmed me and we talked. my situationship saw and yeah. so basically im a cheater, i fucked up and its been like a month and a half and i still cant get over it. i have so much guilt evenm tho my friends forgave me ? and told me i had nothing to worry about i still worry. i feel bad. i saw this great guy that cared for me, crying in his bed, asking me again and again why did i do it and i just didnt have a good honest answer to give him cause honestly i would end up causing more damage.

A month and a half and already fucked another person, I have been on a couple dates but i just cant seem to replace him yet. which is funny cause when we were a thing it seemed pretty easy to replace him. im also lazy cause if i wanted to be with the guy im obsessing with i could just take the metro and be there in a hour. maybe i feel guilty about seeing him too. fuck i feel guilty about seeing my friends too. i have only told three friends, my bestie that i called him the same day it happened and he helped me out a little but hes a guy so he didnt get it as much, my other guy friend and he was sweeter and told me to not worry and that everyone fucks up at a certain time but as long as i knew that it was wrong it was okay and that he had done much worse, and my other friend shes a girl so she understood better and was very sweet about it, i think they´re being sweet with me is because im the youngest and they can see the shame and the regret in my face everytime they see me.

I know that i shouldve been more straightforward and direct and just told him that i could not give him a relationship at the moment but i just didnt wanna lose on any side. i wanted to have him while having another other and not having any kind of limitation or whatever. I understand thats not how life works but sometimes i fool myself into believing that the universe loves me so mcuh that i get this "im gonna look the other way" treatment. i hope i can feel better now and start moving on with my life, i cannot be stuck on this for any longer. i know he is not stuck and i also know that we will see each other eventually and i want him to see me normal, even if i was the one that fucked up i dont want him to see me that affected.

1 note · View note

introvertthinkerhappy · 2 years

Text

Hello! This was my angsty blog from when I was 16 years old, haha I know it seems kinda cringey but the things I was going trough were big for me. Anyway since I have like 3 followers here and tumblr is not what it used to be I might aswell rant here.

I honestly think I will be alone for the rest of my life, at this point is ridiculous, My big first romance never came and I was disapointed in people and relationshios before I even got in one, like In highschool no one was interested in me, no boys flirting nothing (well there was one but I did not like him at all) point is I have never experienced people trying to flirt with me, and lets be honest we are all aware of out physical beauty, like I know Im not a perfectly beautiful princess but for Gods sake Im at least a 7 like, what is wrong with me? Am I that unlovable? And you know what the worst part is? I think the problem is that Im not worth it, and dont get me wrong, I value myself I know what Im worth its just, maybe is not enough for somebody else to like me that way, Why am I saying this you may ask, well a few months ago my biggest crush told my 2 bffs he liked me and would like to know me better, I was thrilled So I tried to get close to hin, u know get to know each other, but nothing happened on his end, no effort was made, I mean he was very kind to me but in a way you would be kind to a friend, and dont get me wrong I did let him know I liked him back, but no, nothing happened, I later found out he indeed likes me but he doesnt want to try anything because he will be studing on another state, In august (Its just a 2 hr drive btw) , all this happened in march It could have been long enough, And the thing that hurts the most is not him, I mean I respect his desition and I have moved on from him, the thing that hurts is, I was not good enough, and this seems to be a common problem, every "almost something" I ve had has had the saame ending so yeah, I just hope one day I will be enough for someone. Ok enough whining ,Got any advice?Are you in a similar situation? If so let me know we might as well start a club Byeee

0 notes

whumpylurker · 3 years

Text

TW: Self-harm, depression and suicidal thoughs

I write here mostly because I want to have this off my chest and honestly i feel like therapy is not doing a lot of me lately.

I don't feel good, in fact, I feel like I can barely move out of my bed. I ended throwing up my meds sometimes because somedays they will kick my stomach. a few days I only sleep because it's the only thing that I apparently do good. Most days tho I really can't fucking close my eyes, and that has been a pattern for months that has been broken recently because my medic made me take pills to sleep. I'm still looking for a psychiatrist. Recently I had to admit to a doctor what I felt - how I do want to hurt myself and how it just... my mind wander to those thoughts I try and block because my mind honestly blocks things out with "If I don't admit this, it doesn't happen".

But I had to admit it and honestly my therapist, who was kind of a good thing for me before, it just... I feel I am not clicking with him right now. He basically said "well we could hospitalize you" almost as a threat. and I am stubborn as fuck and finishing fucking college so of course, I went with a, basically, fuck you. Also with the idea of being taken out of college (mind you, again) with a psychiatric license indicating that I'm not in a good place to be studying. But again, I'm a stubborn ass who want to finish my career.

The thing is, I feel like I am doing nothing well. Every time I get a correction or a grade on my thesis my world comes crumbling down and everything I'm feeling, I feel it in a very strong and unpleasant way. My mom has been a saint in every sense of the way since admitting I am feeling the way I am feeling and since telling her that I basically had been having suicidal thoughts for a while now. She has been helping me pay everything because I am without job for over a year now and my dad is out of the scene, financially at least. And I hate having so many health issues and that shit is so expensive and having to put that over her own health issues and other issues.

Today I had this very vivid idea of how to end my life and it felt almost... as a solution. I am aware some people would miss me. And the way I explain the way my mind works (because it's the way I can understand myself, in a way) is that I have two sides: my very emotional side, which's basically the most obvious one and my most logical side, who's usually the one that appears in front of difficult desitions, work and my mask of the level of anxiety I have. While one is running out of control, my other side usually has this clear voice of "calm yourself, you know it's your anxiety speaking" ; while this doesn't necessarily stop me from having panics attacks, it kinda grounds me enough to deal with it. I don't know if it comes from the way I was raised or because I tried to pull on a brave and aggressive facade for so many years, but nevertheless, is there. This side of me basically screamed two seconds later that it would break my mom's heart and I've been crying since that moment. I don't feel like I can tell this to my therapist (maybe because he's too rational? or because he has been avoiding giving me a diagnosis because he doesn't want me to take pity on myself or make my illness my personality, but the thing is, I KNOW I have these issues for over a decade. It doesn't define me, just stops me on my track sometimes.) and admitting it to someone I know... or my mom... idk. I take my health as a joke sometimes. And in that sense, i feel like i can't explain it, not with words. So I needed to write it down. I don't know how to confront what I'm feeling right now, because I worry for my health, worry for my career and at the same time, i feel like I can barely manage both at this moment. But I'm tired and scared because looking for new help made me go to somewhere where they want me to go to another therapist and that's....basically going over everything again. I've been misdiagnosed before and they will probably try to do it again. Maybe I was misdiagnosed a second time too, at this point I don't know. I might be misdiagnosed a third time now, because who the fuck cares to get the right answer, right? The only reason I stopped going to that one psychiatrist was that he went to live in another city. But, misdiagnosed or not, he was the one who actually understood me on a level I didn't know was possible. Maybe he was right all along, but at this moment and with the ego fights the people who have been my therapist have had these years, I just don't know. I just don't know anymore. I just want to face this shit but right now it feels impossible. And I have closed myself so much not only with friend but with people online, that I feel like my problems doesn't matter because most has it worse than me and I really, really don't want to bother anyone with that shit.

That's it. I'm sorry. I feel like shit and I didn't know where to put this out, i just had to.

#tw mental illness #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #not whump #text post #you can completelly ignore this

8 notes · View notes

allegra-writes · 4 years

Text

"Blind date"

Peter Parker x Reader

General audiences

Warnings: none

The request:

"Coffee shop au! Peter and you hate Valentine's day. Especially since aunt May keeps trying to set Peter up on a blind date. You tell him about how ypur mom is the same and you bond over that. Neither of you realizes your each others blind date"

Ok, I KNOW I said my inbox was closed but... How could I ever resist this?

MY MASTERLIST

"... No, May, for the last time I do not want you to set me up with your friend's daughter… I am not- I don't…" Peter Parker was sitting inside his favorite coffee shop, comfy and safe from the bitter, freezing cold outside. But not even that was going to be enough to keep his mood from souring if this conversation with his aunt lasted much longer. "No, you don't need to send me her picture, this isn't about that!" He pinched the bridge of his nose, focusing all his might into not crushing the phone in his hand. That would take some explaining to do, since you were starting to place his order on the table in front of him. "Sorry, May, my coffee's here, gotta go now. Love ya, talk to you later!"

He hurried to hang up, placing his phone back into his pocket. He had been thinking about this all afternoon inside his sad little cubicle at The Daily Bulge, today was friday, and friday was caramel latte and chocolate croissant day there at "Strange Brew". But when he lowered his eyes, the creamy and chocolatey goodies were nowhere to be seen.

You watched in amusement the horrified look on his handsome face as he stared, uncomprehending, at the cup of steaming bright pink liquid, and red heart shaped pastry.

"What the hell is that?" He blurted out, and you had to suppress a giggle at the way his cheeks reddened, embarrassed at his own outburst.

"You ordered today's special, didn't you?" You replied, as straight faced as you managed. He was just too adorable. "Today is Valentine's day. That is the Valentine's special"

Peter raised his head, looking around at all the red candles, and lovey dovey couples crowding the usually quiet store, as if only just realizing their presence.

Knowing him, that was probably the exact case.

"Right. Yeah, of course, sorry" He mumbled.

"If you want, I can take this back and bring you your usual…" The truth was you had his latte already waiting on the counter, you had just wanted to see the look on his face. And it had been absolutely worth it.

He turned even redder,

"No, please, I- I don't wanna be any bother…"

"It's no bother at all, Peter, really"

You insisted, but he was terrified they might take it off your paycheck or something. Minimum wage already sucked enough, he wasn't going to make you things more difficult.

"No, really, this is ok, see?" He hurried to sip the pink tea, flinching a little as the hot beverage burned his tongue. This time you couldn't stop a soft chuckle. He smiled shyly.

"Sorry, y/n. I didn't even say hi… Hi, y/n"

Your smile turned even brighter,

"Hi, Peter"

"So, it's-" He cleared his throat, "It's nice to see you. Out here, in the salon, I mean"

You usually stayed in the back, baking the little delicacies he loved so much.

"Yeah, well, they need all the help they can get out here today" You shrugged. Peter's eyes scanned the little crowd of lovers again, you were probably right.

"Yeah, I can see that, I mean- I kinda didn't before, I was…" He started stuttering again. You wondered if he knew what it did to you when he was all blushing and bashful. "...Distracted" He finished lamely, cursing himself internally. He never knew how to act when you were around.

"Yeah, I heard" You snorted, "Let me guess, your aunt is trying to set you up on a blind date. Again."

"Yes!" Peter sighed, exasperated, "With the daughter of a friend from work. Apparently she's a ' successful young entrepreneur'…"

"Workaholic. Probably kinda bitchy" You interrupted.

"... I know! And hear this, she's also 'very nice and sweet'"

"Oof, does she have a great personality too?"

Peter barked out a laugh,

"How did you know?!"

"Because my mom is the same" You confessed, shaking your head, "She wants me to go out with the niece of her boss, a 'very nice guy, very smart, a little nerdy but you'll like him'..."

"So, probably an entitled douche who blames the friend zone for everything wrong with the world" Peter was not speaking out of jealousy. He wasn't.

You nodded,

"Oh, and you haven't heard the best part! 'He's been through a lot but still has a heart of gold'..."

"Oh, yeah, cuz that's the best turn on for women, right? Trauma" Definitely not jealousy: the guy sounded like he had a lot of baggage and Peter just didn't want you to get hurt.

"Yeah…"

There was a lull in your conversation, but Peter wasn't ready for you to leave yet. So he took a hurried bite at his mini-pie,

"Oh, wow" He marveled, honestly, through a full mouth, "This is incredible!"

You smiled again, and he felt inexplicably proud of himself.

"I'm glad, I haven't had the chance to try them out yet…" You admitted. Peter swallowed.

"Do you want to share this one?" He invited, impulsively, pushing the little plate in your direction. You bit your lip, the rush hour was far from over, but you had been on your feet all day… you met his eyes, warm and hopeful, they made the desition for you.

"Nikky, I'm taking my rest now!" You called back, at the girl at the register, taking off your green apron.

"Now?!" The blonde girl frowned.

"I'm the boss, kid. Deal with it." You dismissed, taking the seat in front of Peter. His eyes widened in surprise.

"You're the boss?"

"Yup. 'Strange Brew' is my baby" You declared with pride.

"Wow, that is awesome!" Peter's genuine enthusiasm warmed your heart. You had worked so hard on your little shop. And maybe it wasn't glamorous, and it definitely wasn't going to make you rich, but it was your dream come true, and you loved it. "I love this place! This is the best coffee shop in all of Manhattan, I mean it"

This time, it was Peter the one reducing you to a blushing, stuttering mess. But before you could answer, the door flew open. The long haired woman's eyes found you and Peter, and you could swear you heard him curse under his breath.

"Aunt may? What are you doing here??"

The woman came to a halt next to your table.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to barge on your date, I swear!" You could see where Peter's nervous babbling came from. "It's just… I texted you the address and the picture, and you never texted back, I thought you weren't going to come so I came to apologize to y/n. Hi, sweetie, I'm May, I work with your mom?" She extended her hand to you and you took it, confused. "She texted you too, telling you we were sending Peter, but you didn't reply either…"

"My-my phone is back in the kitchen…" You muttered.

"Wait. So, none of you got our messages?"

Peter and you shook your heads,

"I don't understand-"

"Wait, you?"

"You're my blind date??" You both asked in unison, stunned.

May bursted out laughing,

"Oh my god! You didn't know! You were both being so difficult… and still!" It took the woman a good five minutes to stop laughing enough to be able to talk again, "Any way, go on, kids. I'm just going to call your mother real quick… have fun!" She singsonged, sashaying away and out of the store as suddenly as she had arrived. Incredulous, Peter took out his cell and checked his messages, where sure enough, a very pretty photo of you in a sundress was awaiting him. He let his head fall on the table, banging his forehead.

"Oh god… we are never going to live this down, are we?"

You made a face,

"I don't think so, no"

Peter finally chanced a look at you. You were as red as he felt, and it somehow made you even more lovely. Your eyes seemed brighter, and the slight pout on your lips… god how he wanted to bite it, to kiss it off your face. His hand found yours on the table and he took a deep breath, encouraged when you didn't took yours away.

"The thing is… meddling family members aside… I really like you…" He confessed.

"I really like you too…" you admited. His boyish, toothy grin made your heart skip a beat.

"Then, maybe… would you like to go out on a date with me? A real one, I mean. One my aunt hadn't set is on"

You couldn't help it. You knew the whole salon would see you, but with all the PDA going on around those tables, you didn't think anyone would really mind. So you crossed the distance between you, practically throwing yourself on the table, just to capture his lips with yours.

It took him about half a second to respond, his soft lips moving against your own, coaxing you open for just a little taste, but enough to make your head swim. You felt his hand go to your chin, cupping your face softly, tenderly.

"Yes" You breathed against the kiss, "Yes, I'll go out on a date with you"

The whole shop bursted out in applause.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #tom holland #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #marvel #happy valentines day #peter parker valentines day fic #spider man #spider man fanfiction #spiderman #spider man far from home #peter parker fluff

478 notes · View notes

palettepainter · 3 years

Note

for the headcanon meme - 7, 10, 13, and 17 for any (or all) of the Power Loader family pls!

Since it’s the PL family I’ll also be including PL himself

7, their tickle spots-

Powerloader/Higari - his neck and ears, since they’re mostly covered all the time by his hair and helmet when he’s working they’ve grown to be sensitive. The only people that really know of his ticklish spots besides his family are Ectoplasm and MT Lady (I saw some art of MT Lady and PL being best friends and honestly I dig their dynamic, so yeh, they best friends in my NGAU) - both Ectoplasm and MT Lady are respectful don’t exploit Powerloader’s ticklish spots....in public-

Hono - HA good luck trying to escape him if you’re bold enough to try and tickle him. Hono is actually pretty easy to sneak up on if you’re extra cautious, since he partially deaf in one ear he’s super vigilant nearly all the time so his guard is often up. Hono himself isn’t actually ticklish anymore, used to be when he was a kid, depending on who tries to tickle him he’ll either just stare with a ‘the fuck?’ look or chase them away angrily

Taiho - His skin is pretty tough due to his quirk cannonball, so the only places he’s really ticklish are behind his ears or under his arms, try to tickle him anywhere else and he’ll sorta tense up for a moment before relaxing

Chikara - She says she’s not ticklisj, but she’s wrong. Very very wrong. It’s open game when it comes to tickling her, she’s ticklish pretty much everywhere. When she senses a tickle attack she gives a warning scowl and then flees

Suru - Like Powerloader her ears and neck are sensitive, hence when she often wears a jumper over her work overalls and has her hair down to cover it, she’s smart like that but Hono always seems to catch her off guard when she thinks she’s safe.

10, Fears/Phobias

Powerloader/Higari - Honestly not sure what he’d be afraid off but first thing that came to mind was seeing others he cares for get hurt. Powerloader is a rugged man, often giving close friends playful shoulder punches and playful teasing as his signs of affection, but I imagine if anything seriously bad happened to anyone he was close to (say like they ended up in hospital or something) he’d be devastated. I feel like a small part of him would feel especially protective of Ectoplasm and Haiya, he KNOWS they can care for themselves and the two are far from defenseless (Ectoplasm more then Haiya), but after being with Ectoplasm when he lost his legs and all through his recovery, I imagine he’s quite anxious about keeping loved ones safe. He doesn’t really talk about it since he thinks it’s a silly worry, but he can’t help it sometimes

Hono - Surprisingly he’s got quite a few fears despite the tough act he puts up. Ever since the explosion incident that caused his scar he can get startled at loud noises. When using his quirk he can at least prepare himself for the loud noise, if he doesn’t know when a loud noise is coming he can jump up and throw his arms up defensively. He’s also really scared of loosing anymore family, hence why he was quite blunt and rude when he first met Ectoplasm. Desite the act Hono does deeply miss his big brother Higari, but he’d never admit it. He totally didn’t nearly cry when he saw Powerloader on the news one time during a rescue mission in the city saying he’d been severely injured

Taiho - Haircuts. He and Higari hate hate HATE going to the hairdressers. They have to get a lot of persuasion just to go for a light trim. Taiho hates hairdressers due to an incident that happened when he was six, he was in his fathers garage and had accidentally lent on some machinery that caused a part of his hair to fry off, so his parents took him to have his hair cut so that it wouldn’t be as obvious, but the whole experience was scarring for him. Anyone comes near him with hair scissors he’s backing up against a wall-

Chikara - She’s actually really scared of water. As a kid she used to go swimming in a spring with her parents, but the idea of swimming in the ocean, where there are predators bigger then there house?? No no no. No thanks. She’ll pass. If they ever go to a beach she’s usually sitting up on the sand or lightly paddling by the edge of the water - probably wouldn’t set foot on a beach for months if she saw Jaws or Sharknado

Suru - To her siblings shock she has no fears, nothing seems to phase her, which everyone kinda finds funny in a way as she’s the youngest

13, What gets them flustered

Powerloader/Higari - I don’t imagine it’s easy to him flustered, unless you’re Ectoplasm of course. Powerloader is a rugged flirt and has zero shame, no problem getting his boyfriend all flustered, he’s a sneaky weasel. Ectoplasm flirts are usually very dorky, sweet and innocent, purely wholesome domestic stuff and it does make Powerloader a little giddy. However when Ectoplasm is the one giving out rugged flirts and shamelessly whispering stuff to Higari when he’ trying to work Powerloader is RED. Of course if he ever tells anyone this Ectoplasm acts as though he has no idea what Powerloader is on about, and everyone thinks Powerloader is just overreacting. A wink and a rare smirk from Ecto and Powerloader is going to be struggling to keep his focus on work.

Hono - Cliche to his grumpy character, but super sweet and domestic stuff with him makes his heart sour. Someone running their hands through his hair is one way to get him all grumpy and red, and it also luls him to sleep. Petnames also throw his off guard because he’s never had anyone outside of family call him by them. He gets angry flustered, shocker, so he often barks something rude when embarrassed and storms off with his hands in his pockets

Taiho - Taiho does all the paperwork and stuff for the home with the business and that can get him pretty worn out, honestly a good hug and a kiss is enough to have him smiling till the end of the day. He’s a cuddly guy so he’s all for physical affection!

Chikara - Chikara herself is a pretty smug flirty bird, she’s got no issue flirting with people she likes (probably jokingly hit on Ectoplasm the first time they met to get on Powerloaders nerves, which worked. Powerloader was glued to Ecto for the rest of the visit-). If someone flirts back with her it’s rare she’ll get flustered by it. If someone is genuinely complimenting her with nothing but pure honesty, that gets her all starry eyed. Soft intimate moments is what she loves, she finds hand holding in particular very sweet

Suru - Suru on the whole is pretty oblivious about love and such since she’s only really been focused on helping out with the family business, shes very passionate about inventing though so finding someone with the same love for creating as her gets her happy flustered

17, Regrets

Powerloader/Higari - Again not really sure what regrets he’d have since he seems like the type of person to not open up easily, even with family and close friends. Perhaps he could feel some sort of guilt towards Ectoplasm’s injured legs? Thinking maybe if he had been there with him that day Ectoplasm wouldn’t have had to go through so much. And writting to his family, one of the factors with Powerloader and his families story is that Powerloader couldn’t write as often as he would have liked. Life in the city was busy, and it got busier when he helped Ectoplasm through his recovery, when he started teaching at UA and modifying hero suits, and more so when Haiya came into the picture. Now days he’s much better at keeping to a writing schedule, he sends a letter home to his family twice every month.

Hono - Regrets?? Hono? HA! He has none, duh, he’s got nothin’ to be regretful for. So what if he feels bad for the way he’s treated Powerloader?? So what if he feels so angry with himself because he doesn’t know how to say sorry?? So what if he feels like an idiot for ruining the families bond with him?? So what if he feels bad he didn’t tell Higari he loved him enough?? So what if he feels guilt for all the trouble he caused their family back when he was younger?? No regrets here. Nope.

Taiho/Chikara - they both share the same regret in letting Hono get to how he is today. They feel as though if they had spoken up in the past or had tried harder to get him and Higari to make up things between them wouldn’t be so tense.

Suru - She feels bad she couldn’t help out a lot back when things took a turn for the worst with their family. She wasn’t even born when their father passed away, and so tries to make up for that by dedicating her life to inventing/engineering in hopes she can help the family make money

7 notes · View notes

the-npc-gallery · 3 years

Text

This is a modification of one of my previous played characters. I played her in Pathfinder and made her Magus. Adapting her to 5e has proved to be a bit of a challenge. This is my best try to make a frontline wizard. Could potentialy be a artificer if you so want. Which really makes her the mix of her parents.

Constance

Cleric/Wizard - 1 lvl forge cleric - rest wizard (abjuration or war mage)

BG: Acolyte, Cloistered scholar or Sage

Keywords- Daddy issues, Anger manegment problems, and a intelligent brain to function.

Your early childhood might look good for an outsider. Your family were quit wellfy. Your dad an archmage and your mom a more simple women. Good with her hands. Smithing. Mostly making jewlery, but also beautifull weapons. Your dad was never home and when he finially was, he was always in his study doing god knows what 'importent' things. But primarilly he is out on assignments. You quickly found out that you must fight to get his attention. You try mostly everything. Which leads to you acting reckless and having issues with emotionel-control.

It gets worse as you grow up, your dad getting more work and is more stressed than ever. You just trying to think of your early childhood, with him loving you. He is a work-a-holic, and when he goes on until the middle of the night. Trying to stop his overintelligent brain by drinking. He starts argueing with mom, but only after you suppose to be asleep. One night it all becomes to much for you. Your endless sceams to get a glims of his time and affection. So you go down to confront him, to just say it honestly, that you miss him and need him in your live. You start argueing, and with non of you being good at these kind of things, it esculates, quit fast might I add. With emotions running high, he hits you. You black out.

After that you wakes up in the hospital. Your mom is there. But not your dad. You still love him, adore him. He is your hero. Your mom starts to speak. She says, that you must learn to function with other people. So instead of helping, she just ships you of to her temple, after a long speech about religion helps putting people on a better path.

This only thoughers you constant need of aproval. As you grow up your learn methods to try to control all you rageing emotions. To chanel them into your work. But mostly you read. Read every book in their libriary. History was your bedtimestory, Arcane books before breakfast, and a quick one on religion around noon. You must have inherited more than just your emotionel issues from your dad.

As much as you try to fit in, you just can't. Your heart is with the books not the craft. You know more than most, because between the books nobody would judge you. They cant walk away and leave you. And somehow you feel closer to your dad. Even though this is where your parents left you, you always fells like you dont quit fit in between these pumb religious fanatics. So you leave and join a wizard school. To follow in your fathers footsteps. Maybe this just might get his approval. That might even let you go home. Might let you join his work, help him out. But it never seems enough. No matter how hard you try. No matter how much knowledge you gain, or your rank in the wizard school. It just never seems enough.

After some years when you figure out that you never be enough by staying. You leave. He might stop you if you go into danger. So you join the closet war just to do something, and for the first time make your own desitions that is not guided by others approval. Trying to gain your own independence.

You learn that you dad is working for a real bad organisation. So you take a leave from the war, and sneak home and into his office while nobodys home. Here you find hidden papers from the queen. Is he a bad guy? Maybe he is a spy for the queen? Would that make up for all the evil stuff he did within the organisation? Should you turn your own dad in? You have so many questions. But you know asking won't give you the answers. You love him, flaws and all. But how can you keep living like this constantly trying to get his approval. When he has no time to spare for you. So you leave for good this time. Not to the war, no you leave fare away were his shadow can not influence all your desitions. You leave so fare away that people will not regonise you, to start over. And here an adventuring group picks you up. Because which group doesn't need a buff know it all.

At first glance you meet a women with her broad shoulders, huge frame, rough hands and heavy armor. So when she opens her mouth an sofisticated and well thought out words come out, anyone is shocked. You learn fast not to judge this book by its cover, because she ain't just one book she is the whole damn libirary. You need to know something she can help. Ask away. But everything has a price. Dont forget that, because one day she will ask for the favor back. An eye for an eye. She might not have any goals, or a clear heading in her life right know. But she damn sure about everything, haveing an opinion on every subject, and will shoot wholes though all your planes, really putting you in the hot seat. But then again, you are prepared for anything and everything that can go wrong then, so she is really just saving your ass in her own way. She will (even though she might never admite it) do anything for praise. For your thanks and acknowledgement of her skills and superior knowledge.

#dndcharacter #non player character #playable characters #dnd #roleplay #d&d character #dnd 5e #original character #wizard

4 notes · View notes

hirik0 · 10 months

Text

Jealousy 5

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

09 Soap/Ghost

After 3 weeks Ghost and Riley finished their first mission. Soap is waiting at the runway. Riley is jumping out of the helicopter slowly walking up to Soap. Ghost is still in the helicopter talking with Nik about something. Soap is kneeling in front of the dog scratching his ear. Riley is resting his head on Soaps knees slowly waking his tail looking tiered at Soap. "Hard first mission, huh? But you were a good boy, am I right Riley?" Riley is trying not to close his eyes, but his tail waks a bit faster a Spaps praise. "Riley did really good", is what Ghost says who suddenly appears in front of the two. He sounds like his just as exhaustedas Riley looks. "You ready for the debrief?" Soap ask him. "Yes Captain." Soap stops scratching Riley and stands up. Riley slowly follow the two humans to Soaps office l, looking ready to just drop and sleep till.

Ghost thought the last 3 weeks crushed his crush on Soap, but just when he heard Soap call Riley a good boy again he noticed how wrong he is. His face is burning from the blush and his heard is racing as if he just ran 20 minutes from enemies. He needs to get find a one night stand, to get some of the pend up desire out of his system, Soap cockblockes him for nearly 5 months. So he needs to be sneaky about it, Soap will stop him this time, hell he probably just ask Soap to fuck him. Somehow Ghost plush gets even strongerat this poiny the blood vessels in his face must be bursting. "Where's Captain Price?" Ghost ask while they walk to Soaps office. "Central Africa with Roach, Archer and Toad." Ghost regularly looks over his shoulder to make sure that Riley did not fall to far behind, knowing that his dog is as bone tiered as he is. When they reach the office, Soap offers him a glas of bourbon, to celebrate his return. Ghost accepts it even if he's sure the alcohol will not help him, not spilling out his crush on Soap to Soap. He removes the glasses and mask that's sticking to his face thanks to sweet and now dry blood. Ghost thinks about what he needs first sleep or a shower. When he goes with his hand over his messy sweaty hair he desites to shower first.

Everything went good he gives Soap the debrief, Riley is sleeping in the floor next to him. Till Ghost brain is digging up it's favourite and most tortureres fantasy, of Soap fucking his brain out on his desk. He takes a big gulp of the drink, hoping to flush the fantasy away. And Soap who is talking notes about what Ghsot tells him looks up because Ghost stops mid sentence. "We can do the rest later." Soaps says and then noticed that Ghost face has a light shade of red. "Your having a sunburn, Simon?" Soap asks confused, how can you get sunburn if nearly your hole face is covered up. Ghost face turns even reder at this question. "Are you blushing?" Soap ask surprised he honestly can't even imagin a scenario that would make Ghost blushing. Ghost can't come up with a answer then he has the feeling the second he opens his mouth he will just tell Soap. Riley is peacefully snoring while his owner is freaking out internally. "I gues it's the alcohol", its the only excuse even if it's obvious lie, its the only think Ghost can come up with. Ghost feels his heart speeding up, getting nervous if Soap is believing him, growing more and more nervous as Soap stays silent supressing the urge to sqirm in the chair. Soap does not because he is frowning, still staying silent watching Ghost body language. "You never blush from alcohol." Soap points out, rembering the detail from the rare times he and Ghost shared drinks in private and Ghost had removed his sunglasses and mask. Ghost is pressing his finger nails in to his tights to ground himself, relaxing his face while he thinks of an conter point "It does when I'm exhausted." Soap gives Ghost his best You're full of shit expression "Why are you really blushing, Simon?" "Nothing task related." Ghost answers before he can stop the words falling out of his mouth. Soap mouth falls open, Ghost is blushing about something not work related, in his office. Soaps brain starts working out what this possibly means. God he wants to know. Soap trys hard to not smirk when he notice that Ghost is incredible nervous, also a first for Soap to see. Ghost is bitting his lip waiting for what Soap will say next. Praying he will not poke to much. "I get it finally time for some dirty thoughts Simon?" Soap is not poking, he's stabing a fucking knife in the topic. "I.. eh.." Blood is rushing in to Ghost face, his blush spreading down his neck and to his ears. And Soap fucking loves it, seeing what kind of reations he is getting out of Simon, asking himself how often he haven't seen it because of the fucking mask. A big smirk is spreading across Soaps face seeing his wild gues is right from Simons reaction. "Well we still have to go over the mission, but when we're finished you can wank to your inappropriate thoughts." Sopas face is smug and Ghost is hiding his face behind his hands the blush spreading to his collarbones. "Fuck me." Ghost groans in his hands wanting to slip in the next shadow to never come back, never being so embraced and horny at the same time.

"Fuck me." Soap feels how his pants are getting a bit uncomfortable while this words are echoing in his head. 'He doesn't mean it like this, he doesn't mean it like this' Soap trys to remind himself but, he's also feeling bolt knowing that he catched the Ghost of guard getting these reactions out of him. It made Soap drunk on power and god he wants to know how far he can push Ghost before he gets burned. Soaps heart is racing on the thrill and also a desire is burning in his veins. He knows he wants Simon and he has the feeling that if he plays his cards right he will gets what he wants. "I gues we can find a time for that", Soap suggests, hearing the gasp Ghost lets out and somehow Ghost ears are turning more red. Ghost is opening his finger so he can see Soaps face.

Ghost panics internally, Soap is flirting with him. Soap is fucking flirting with him. And Soap is so fucking smug about it, knowing he's pushing all of Ghost buttons in the right way. This needs to stop, he needs to change topics, before Soap can get ask more questions about what Ghost wants. "If I see the state of your desk, I would say you will not have the time for what you're suggesting." Soap looks like he's thinking about what Ghost is saying. Ghost mountain somehow turned in to the fucking Sahara. The grin on Soaps face Ghost usually sees when the scot is allowed to blow something up on a mission. Ghost is swallowing knowing that what ever Soap will say next is the last nail in the coffin. He can't hold back anymore. "We'll find a way how we can do both, me doing paperwork and you getting your dirty fantasy." Check mate, Ghost logical part of his brain is official offline now, the only think he can think about is Soap offering him. "How?" If Ghost brain wasn't in the current state he would hate how breathless he sounds, how he looks at Soap with pure want and need. "Tell me Simon, what where you thinking about?"

The telephone is ringing and the spell Soap had on Ghost breaks. While Soap is busy with the call Ghost puts the mask on again. The call seems to be important because Soap is looking through some of the fils till he finds the right on. It's Ghost chance to just sneek away, get this shower he needs now for more reason then getting clean. He looks at Riley who is still sleeping and well Soap can look after the dog till after the shower. He sneaks out if the office and goes to his room with a private bathroom.

He strips out if his gear letting everything fall in the bathroom floor. He turns the shower on as cold as he thinks he can take. "Fuck", he curses because the water feels a lot colder then it really is because his skin is still hot from the conversation with Soap. "This god damm desk", he curses while trying hard to not think about what Soap might wanted to do with him. Did he want Ghost to suck him off? Would he let Ghost ride his dick? Would he have bent Ghost over the desk if asked. Even with the cold water Ghost is hard and fuck why did he leave the office, Soap would have taken care of this. He can never enter Soaps office ever again with out the high chance of getting hard. He's fucked and he needs to get fucked. By Soap a littel voice in his head is suggesting unhelpfully.

When Soap notices that Ghost ran away from him he's angry. He was so close to what he wanted. He slams his first on the desk in frustration cursing. That's when he notices that Ghost left Riley in the office. The dog makes a displeased sound by beeing waken up. "Sorry Riley." Soap also realised that they never finished the debrief, because he pushed Ghost to far. In fact so far that Ghost ran away. He text Meat to please pick up Riley from his office and to look after the dog till Ghost picks him up. He then text Ghost to tell him they can finish the debrief tomorrow. Soap is so frustrated if Shpeard haven't called to tell him wich file he needs to work on ASAP he would have Ghost still in his office and more importantly Ghost would likely suck his dick. Soap really tries to do the paperwork for Shepard but his brain is deadly focused on what Ghost is doing. Is he jerking of right now? Did he think about Soap while doing so? Paper work, paper work, this needs to be finished by tomorrow morning, Soap forces himself to focus on his task. When he realises that he is reading the same passage of the report with out taking anything in he's dropping his pen. Maybe, if he gets Ghost for some no strings attached sex in the next 2 hours he can go back to work. This is so dumb, Ghost will probably break his nose if he suggested this so directly. He decides to take a walk to get focused on work again. What Soap is not accounting for is that his brain walks him in front of Ghosts door. He stands in front of the door blinking slowly dumbfounded. He is about to leave when he nearly overhears a moaned Soap.

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #ghostsoap #captain mactavish #riley the dog #they are tired so am i #why is the slowburn so slow

13 notes · View notes

anaranjadaa · 4 years

Text

When the Camellia Blooms

First of all: I wanted to wrote this review since so much time ago, as a girl who never met his biological father, this drama really hit me. And I was really nervous because I watched this drama with tears in my eyes.

I am not a native English speaker, actually I'm studying English so probably you will going to read some mistakes (please forgive me) but I want to write in English because I don't want my mom or my dad understand this (just in case one day they have this review in his hands) but still want to share my experience by watching when camellia Blooms.

Plot

Dong-Baek (Kong Hyo-Jin) is a single mother living in the small town of Ongsan. She runs the bar-restaurant Camellia, while also taking care of her son Pil-Gu (Kim Kang-Hoon). The people of Ongsan frequently gossip about Dong-Baek. She grew up as an orphan, is a single mother and runs a bar where many of the men in Ongsan frequent. Regardless of what the locals may whisper about Dong-Baek, local police officer Hwang Yong-Sik (Kang Ha-Neul) is deeply in love with her. Meanwhile, Dong-Baek's ex-boyfriend Kang Jong-Ryeol (Kim Ji-Suk) suddenly reappears in her life. He is a famous baseball player, that hid their relationship when they dated. While Dong-Baek tries to find happiness, something truly sinister lurks in the background. A serial killer roams Ongsan and Dong-Baek may be a target.

My opinion

When I started to watch this drama the first thing I saw was the opening, I really like that opening. It’s pretty and feels like a lullaby. Calm before storm. And then the most unique a brilliant story started, a beautiful woman who struggle for give a good life to his young son, who it is really worried about his mother.

I don’t have to think a lot, Pil Gu is my favorite character and it is because he is just like me.

First he has warmblood, he is a fighter, he is really passionate and really strong. He don’t want to saw his mother sad so he is trying to protecting her all the time. He is a little kid but he is full of worries and it's a little cruel.

But also he is really talented at baseball, He has a little chubby and lovely friend who has the most irritable lady as a mother. And also Pil Gu has a secret desires, having a father is one of them but he don't want to admitid.

Even when he wants to protect her mother he said a lot of cruel stuffs to her.

At first Dong Beak is really stupid and passive character but the background it’s really important. She thinks that she has a bad luck with her, so she always accept everything like if she deserves, at the same time she has a good heart, she can’t be bad with no one and that is her curse. And sometimes I got really mad with her for be like “it’s okay I deserve this”.

But i honestly understood that she was insecure and lonely, she has nobody and she is just trying to don't make people angry. she is grateful with others (idk why)

One of the thing that I hate most it's the way that people in Onsang can't stop bitching and gossip. I wanted to scream "It's not your fucking problem" like all the time.

But you have to take a look into a Korean culture,for example in my country (Or at Latin America in general) there are a lot of single mothers as popcorn. So i really needed time to understood why being a single mother was so bad and why people on Onsang couldn't stop messing with Dong Beak just for being a single mother.

She was a mother, without a man SOOO WHAT???

When Jong Sik get into the Dong Beak’s Life the things started to change and that it is one of the reasons why I love him a lot. He doesn’t care about her past, he encourage her to be a stronger woman, he doesn’t care about himself, he was really worried for Dong Beak because he knows that inside of her, there was a fire.

He was the funniest character, he is a lucky fool and he plays a good role. He is the good boy, with the biggest heart but don't take him bad, because he never lets people treat him badly or trample him down.

You may think that Jong Sik only cares about Pil Gu because Dong Beak its his mother but it is not in that way, Jong Sik he really cares for Pil Gu. He really want to take care of him and be his model role, even if he knows he will never be his real dad, he want to support him as a real one. That was a beautiful thing, because even when Pil Gu gets mad with him because Jong Sik date with his mother, Jong Sik don't change, he still want to be his family.

As a magic destiny want, the real father appears. Jong Ryeol is famous and has a lot of money but now he is a married guy with a little young daughter. He finds out that he has a son, and he became into a crazy man. First because he never forgot Dong Beak and second because his life with his wife it is horrible, and third because Pil Gu had his talent but his son had to live a poor and chaotic life with his mother. He want to take him away from Dong Beak.

I don’t hate him because he doesn’t know about Pil Gu, and it is not his fault that Dong Beak never told him, she has her reasons and I am in her side. But he entry it’s chaotic and he want Pil Gu at his side, he doesn’t care about if Pil Gu it’s all that Dong Beak has. He tried everything, he even threatened Dong Baek. (Fucking Asshole)

One of the moments that I cried most is when Pilgu finds out that Jong Ryeol is his biological father, he finds out alone. Pil Gu cried and cried a lot, i was heart broken, he needs his mother and she was busy becoming into a strong woman to him.

I admire how Pil Gu doesn't care for the money of his father (one thing that I hate about Kang Jong Ryeol is that he thinks he can resolve everything with money), Pil Gu doesn't care about money, he only want to make happy to his mother. Every desition was always thinking in her. As I said, he was a really strong boy.

The end of this story was as indicated, like a puzzle everything found its true place. We lost a very iconic character, but his departure had an important meaning in Dong Beak's life.

I learned a lot of live, love, friendship and I have to say this drama is very good, with a lot of different shades that make it special. And I recommend it so much, this drama will encourage you to be who you really are, will all your good and bad things.

#Drama #when the camellia blooms #camellia #review #kdrama #Corea #Reseña #Cuandolacameliaflorece #Jongsik #Pilgu #Dongbeak #goodnight #feelinfa #feelings

16 notes · View notes

karasuno-writings · 4 years

Note

That’s so nice to hear!!! I’ve always wanted to go to med school but I wasn’t sure if it’s a good choice for me. What tips would you give for someone who is in the midst of getting into med school? I’m currently still in high school tho so I’m not sure if I’m rushing too much into this. So sorry for bothering you I just don’t have anyone around my rhat is in the medical field that I can ask advice from :p

Thank you dear!!!! Of course I can answer your doubts with pleasure!!! I know what it is like to have no one to really ask so I am glad to shed a little light on you!!! I don’t know how med school works where you live but over here it divided in:

Two years of theory/ Two years of rotations/ a year of being a med intern/ a year of service AND then you can do a specialty like gynecology, neurosurgery, plastic surgery or such! Or you can do anything else like a masters on genetics

Now that that is out of the way! Up to the things I think will help you/I wish I should have known, all of them are from my point of view and things I have learnt along the way, maybe it is easier for some maybe it is harder for some but this comes from my little heart who is actually a lil new on this <3 I hope I can shed a lil light:

You are in for the long run wether you are just going to do general or specialty, it is a loooong way

It is really time consuming, like really, which makes it a little hard to endure I won’t lie (that is why my uploads are too slow sometimes oop)

It is also harsh, like people expect a lot from you in classes and it is a lot of information in such a little time

THAT SAID AND THAT ASIDE

¿Do you like the subjects? ¿Do you yearn for learning? ¿Are you curious? If you are and you do, I assure you the thing won’t be as hard as it seems, like I personally love what I learn and I just can assure you I get really excited when I talk about most subjects and just wow honestly it is a very artsy science and it has such a big field

If you like it YOU CAN DO IT like yes it is hard but yes if you really do want to, if you really do have the drive you will pull though and you will enjoy it oh so much

I realised it was for me when I noticed there was nothing else I’d rather study

¿Why are you doing it? If it is for you and you only then you should, but also keep in mind how close to people you will have to be

The idea that you need to be cold and harsh? Whack. If you are someone soft and attached you are very so capable of everything too, and you know it? will help more than you think

Honestly I just cant stop thinking of how may fields you will see it is amazing, you get a little art, you get a little bit of every science, you get to be with people, you get a little bit of communication skills, you get a bit of teaching skills

The theory is fascinating if you are into it like for me learning how the body works??? I get starry eyed

Practice is so much fun, I am practicing with cool as hell dummies and honestly it all comes together so nicely it is incredible

Naps will be your best friend NEVER say no to a nap even if it is 20 min

EAT AND DRINK never forget to do it

YOU ALWAYS COME FIRST, your physical health, your mental health and you are always your number one priority do NOT neglect yourself

Don’t be too hard on yourself, sometimes you will feel like you are not doing enough...believe me you are

Don’t ever forget that you are still the owner of your time and please do make yourself a space to enjoy, go out, have hobbies and read, very important to clear your head

READ READ READ, books will be your best friend and data bases like Pubmed are the best for articles

However do use google don’t make things harder for you than they already are

If you have a hobby try to tie it up, I like drawing for my notes so I understand better and such!!!!

If you find out it is not for you then do not push yourself, it might be hard but it is better to drop out than to keep that weight on you

Also I do not follow this advice but organizing yourself goes miles (I should do it more oop)

Never loose your ground a lot of doctors do, after all we live to serve, and we should have what the others need always in mind

There is not right way and the experience is different for everyone but if you are sure it is what you want then go for it and give it your all!!!!

Thank you so much for asking for my opinion I honestly am more than glad to voice out my own experience and I hope I was at least a little helpful!!! If you ever need help I am always up to lending a hand and maybe I can tell you about some online courses I took before making the desition that really helped me to see it was what I wanted!!! Thanks again!!!

#kiki rants

7 notes · View notes

misstinfoilhat · 5 years

Text

Whumptober: Shaky Hands (Bungo Stray Dogs)

This had become a completely off day. No matter what Dazai did, he couldn't seem to focus. The world was as if seen through someone else's eyes, like, he wasn't really there. All colors were off, looking bleak in a blurry picture. Voices around him muffled together, and there was no way to concentrate on one voice. Did everyone need to talk at the same time? He hadn't been able to sleep last night. That was probably why he felt so out of it. Also, he skipped breakfast and had three cups of coffee instead. That would be another bad desition he'd made that day. There was also the lingering dread in the pit of his stomach after last night's debriefing.

The Armed Detective Agency had a new mission. A group of ability-using human traffickers that had been abducting children all over Asia for tens of years were rumored to be developing a base in Yokohama.

The boxes upon boxes of files about the case had told them that one man had been on their tale for years before all information stopped coming in.

A man with a name that Dazai knew very well. A name he had buried together with a different life years ago, together with the man himself.

The skeleton of his life as a Port Mafia executive had resurfaced some time ago, but one particular part of it had remained a hidden, sacred, exclusive part of that life. Odasaku.

A loud clirring noise startled Dazai violently out of his musings. He shook his head and grabbed the pale wooden table in front of him, anchoring himself back in the now. Sheepishly, he urged his gaze up from the table surface and his tight grip and looked at the combination of confused and concerned stares aimed at him. Had he missed something?

“So, you finally decided to pay attention?” Kunikida huffed, holding the offending tea-cup in a tight grasp, resting it on its platter.

Dazai looked bewilderedly at him, clear, dark eyes wide with innocence as he leaned on his elbows, folding one bandaged hand over the other and rested his chin on them perplexed and gave the man a close-eyed smile. “Are you okay Dazai-san?” Atsushi's earnest voice was filled with perturbation.

Dazai's smile slipped immediately, as he moved his head sluggishly in the boy-tiger's direction. For a couple of seconds, he just stared, before managing to snap out of his empty state.

His eye crinkled and mouth contorted into a wide grin as he singsonged, “of course,” just as he usually did. But, for some reason, their eyes didn't avert from him. Uncertainly, Dazai's smile stiffened a little, running his eyes from one person to the other before adding, “why do you ask?” “It's just,” Atsushi started with a weary curve to his eyebrow, “...your hands are shaking.”

“Huh?” escaped from Dazai's throat, before he slowly, but surely realized how strained the grasp he had around his other hand was. His gaze slowly fell to them, realizing that, yes, they were in fact shaking. Uncontrollably so. The muscle strain was almost painful as he let go of the offending limbs and instinctively hid them under the table. “Yeah,” he said sheepishly, trying to smile his way past the moment, hoping that somehow, it would look real and make them... just lose interest.

“Yeah?” Kunikida questioned skeptically. “Yes,” Dazai confirmed, internally screaming for them all to just let it go.

Kunikida blinked a couple of times. Dazai knew that look- he was holding back, and Dazai was eternally grateful when the idealistic man rolled his eyes and kept talking about the mission, quickly distracting the others.

Still, wary eyes glanced towards him from time to time, but he did his best to ignore them.

---------------------------

The meeting was finally over, and Dazai breathed out in relief. Nobody had commented on his involuntarily shaking hands or restless legs after the initial incident. Not that they didn't notice- hell, Dazai had tried his best to hide it but weren't even able to convince himself that he was okay.

Well, at least nobody had said anythi...

“What do you know about Sakunosuke Oda?”

Ranpo was suddenly standing right in front of him, pointing an accusing index finger towards him.

It took every inch of restain that Dazai had in his body not to flinch. Dumbly, he stared on the short detective, face completely blank. Ranpo was brilliant, but he was still going to do his darndest too keep Oda were he needed him to be. In the past.

“Who?” Dazai asked instead. If even possible, Ranpo's eyes narrowed even more than they already were. He chewed on his bottom lip, unconvinced of Dazai's lie and relaxed attitude.

“Don't play dumb with me, baka-”

Before he was able to finish, Dazai grabbed his elbow tightly and dragged the vertically challenged inverstigator out of their office landscape and out in the hallway.

Dazai looked exhasperated on his elder, who was grinning triumphantly. No one could meassure with Ranpo's intuition and cleverness, except maybe, Dazai.

Still, Ranpo always felt great satisfaction whenever he was able to outsmart the younger ex-mafioso.

“How much do you know?” Dazai asked no-nonsensically.

“Enough,” Ranpo shrugged. Chocolate brown eyes assessed him carefully, clearly trying to see through any bullshit. Ranpo decided to elaborate.

“I started to notice already last night. You seemed bored out of your mind until the name Sakunosuke Oda was mentioned. It was only a twitch in your eyebrow, but I noticed. After that, the lack of complains about how late it was and how tired you were told me that you, in spite your best efforts, were actually paying attention. Something was definitely off. You obviously haven't slept since then- anyone could figure that out-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dazai interrupted sourly. He already knew all this. Apparently, the shock of hearing someone within the agency say Oda's name out loud had made him uncareful. Still, somehow, he didn't have the energy to even care. All he actually wanted was to go to Oda's gravesite and talk about it.

“I also deducted that this Oda-character meant a lot to you,” Ranpo murmured, in a rare moment of compassion. Dazai paused at that.

“But,” Ranpo added after a moment. “Anything you can tell us about him will help the investigation tremedlessly. Why did he go off the grid four years ago?”

A hurt shimmering to Dazai's eyes told Ranpo everything he needed to know.

“I see... So, he died,” Ranpo stated, only needing Dazai's pained expression to confirm it. “Did this group have something to do with it?”

Dazai was looking away. He didn't want to talk about this, but he also knew that the only way to get Ranpo to quit asking uncomfortable questions was to answer them. These questions would only grow increasingly unbearable if Ranpo needed to dig deeper for the answers.

“No,” Dazai finally answered. “Odasaku's death was unrelated to that.”

A nod was all he got in reply. That was really the only thing they needed to know about why Oda wasn't still activily persuing this group.

There was a long, pressing silence after that. Apparently, Ranpo finally felt the real reluctancy Dazai had to talk about this. It seemed to actually, really hurt him. Guilt wasn't something Ranpo necessarily cared to dwell on. He needed a distraction. Something to get the severity out of the situation.

“So, how bad do you want me to keep secret how I was able to find out these things?” he asked, crisscrossing his arms against his chest and chuckling light-heartedly.

“Pretty bad, actually,” Dazai answered honestly with a mellow voice. Chestnut orbs were glinting sorrowfully, still, with a hint of a small, crooked smile on the edge of his mouth. He knew that this wasn't mean-spirited.

“Oh, it will cost you,” Ranpo assured.

“I will restock your entire candy storage,” Dazai replied, dead serious.

Ranpo thought about it for a while. His expression was grave. This could mean great things after all, before he finally decided.

“Deal.”

----------------------

Without the threat of being outed by Ranpo, Dazai continued his usual work day, which mainly consisted of lying on the couch, waiting for a “revelation” or picking on Kunikida.

He tried his absolute best to hide how his body was still severely tense. In all honesty, he had thought that being out of that meeting, knowing that nobody, except Ranpo, had figured out his affiliation to Oda, and not hearing that name spoken out loud for a couple of hours, would make it better.

In fact, it probably only made it worse. Kunikida hadn't even pestered him about (seemingly) napping on the couch for the better part of the day. Everybody really just went about their day, shooting worried glances towards him from time to time which he chose to ignore.

Only an hour before he could go home, Fukuzawa entered the room and asked to speak to him in private.

Good job on keeping my secret, Ranpo.

Dazai silently complied, following Fukuzawa to his office with curious eyes following them.

Once inside the ADA presiden't office, Dazai got seated on the chair opposite of Fukuzawa.

“I talked with Ranpo,” said Fukuzawa solemnly. “I've decided to take you off this mission. You don't have to say anything. Pack your stuff up and go home for the weekend and get some much needed rest.”

Dazai took him on his word, not uttering a single word before he calmly nodded towards his superior and got back up and did exactly what Fukuzawa asked of him. He returned to the office space and packed his notes and laptop and disappared into several days off work, before anyone even realized he was gone.

---------------------------

The Monday after, the mission had been successfully executed and the human trafficers were finally behind bars, mainly based off of Oda's research before his demise.

Dazai was eternally proud of his old friend for the work he had done. He had no idea when in the Port Mafia that Oda had been working on this, while still regrettfull that he hadn't shared it with him. This wasn't a part of the work he had done for the Port Mafia, so he had obviously been working on it in his spare time.

Maybe everything could have been solved sooner if Oda felt like he could share this with him. But, Oda probably felt that this was too close to home for Dazai.

He had been one of the only people who actually knew how Mori had really got the hold of him after all.

In the end, Dazai was only happy that this whole case was over and done with now, and that he didn't have to deal anymore with it than he already had.

But, apparently, it wasn't completely done with yet.

Ranpo stood infuriated in front of him, as close to his face as possible without actually touching.

“Where's my candy?” he demanded furiosuly, fists clenched tightly by his side and looking as intimidating as he possibly could.

“Your candy? I didn't get you any,” Dazai answered, none-bothered.

“And why is that?” Ranpo's voice rose several desibels, catching a couple of confused stares across the room.

“Well, to my understanding, I was only supposed to buy you candy if you held your mouth shut.”

Ranpo's emerald green eyes widened considerably. “I didn't-” he roared, but realized his mistake.

For some reason- telling Fukuzawa, who was like a father to him, hadn't really registered to Ranpo as telling anyone. But, he did realize how this had gone wrong. Because it wasn't like that for Dazai.

“I didn't tell anyone,” Ranpo sulked half-heartedly. He knew he lied- he only wished he had realized that on Friday before he emptied his storage entirely.

“Yeah, you did,” Dazai shrugged, unfeeling. Hopefullty, Ranpo couldn't deduct the slightly entertained feeling he had as he told him.

“I... I...” Ranpo stuttered.

He didn't know the way to the store- he had already finished his last lollipop- this wasn't happening- this wasn't real...

Dazai smiled at him reassuringly, holding a hand to his shoulder.

“I'm sure you can find your way to the store by your genius self,” he smiled in a feigned matter and squeezed the shoulder reassuringly before turning his back on the detective.

Ranpo was left speechless, as Dazai returned to his work-desk.

------------------

A couple of hours later, Dazai was finished with the report he was working on. He swung his office-chair around, catching Ranpo, seated in the couch in the back of the office.

His hands were shaking.

#whumptober #whumptober2019 #no.1 #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #osamu dazai #edogawa ranpo #shaky hands #fanfiction

18 notes · View notes