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thedeviljudges · 3 years

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yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #*#*the devil judge

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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

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Here to Misbehave (Pt. 20 | S.R.)

Summary: Reader lies to Spencer.

A/N: Please read the content warnings for this one if you have basically any triggers, lol. This is a very heavy chapter - it is the penultimate climax of the story. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Angst (NSFW) Content Warning: 🚨 IMPORTANT – READ BEFORE READING🚨 This episode covers a number of very dark topics, and should be approached at a time when you have support systems available. Potential triggering topics include: sexual assault, violations of consent, suicide, self-harm, pregnancy/termination, infertility, domestic dispute, fighting, and underage drinking, sex w/ blanket consent Word Count: 11K

MASTERLIST

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Rossi’s house was every bit as extravagant as I had expected. I had come in honestly hoping to be slightly disappointed so I could mock him for it, but, as always, he had to force his appearance to be as unnecessarily elegant as possible.

That being said, I was a little surprised to find that most everyone gathered in one spot - the kitchen. It was only to be expected, considering it was usually the happiest room in the home. That certainly remained true for Rossi. But they were also all gathered there because that was where the wine was – wine that I was not allowed to drink.

Rossi didn’t have a problem with it… Spencer did. Because of course he did. And while I politely declined when Rossi offered me some, anyway, I found another offer a little more tempting. Which explains why I found myself clutching Derek’s flask and draining half the contents quickly enough to remind him that I was, in fact, in college.

And if anyone were to ask, I would simply tell them that we were hanging out in the hall outside the bathroom to have a very deep and secret heart-to-heart about our shared love for a certain mop headed genius. It would have been the perfect cover to use on pretty much everyone except…

“Ahem.”

The sound of Spencer’s throat clearing behind me was enough to cause me to choke, and I quickly tossed the closed flask back to an already giggling Derek as I shouted, “Fuck!” I didn’t even turn around when his hand snaked around my hip. Instead, I just groaned.

“The narc’s here,” I whispered to Derek, but he knew better than to answer.

“The narc?” Spencer balked, much to his friend’s delight.

“It was fun while it lasted,” Derek offered in consolation, taking a swig out of the flask and earning a very defensive glare from my boyfriend. In fact, Spencer seemed downright pissed, which wasn’t what I had been expecting when I agreed.

Oops. What’s the male equivalent of a cat fight?

“Morgan, didn’t you lecture me about her drinking underage a few months ago?” he snapped, grabbing the flask from a more than willing Derek. Spencer sniffed the contents and immediately recoiled, tossing it back again.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he mumbled, shooting a glance down to see me sort of just making heart eyes at the sight of my boyfriend being a stupid level of jealous that I'd been caught in the hallway with another boy.

“How does that make it better? That makes it patently worse,” he argued. Derek might have responded to it, too, if I hadn’t latched myself onto Spencer’s side.

“You’re so cute when you get all stupid and possessive,” I drawled, burying my face in his shoulder in what I think was supposed to be a playful kiss, but actually just ended up being a muffled laugh.

“That,” Derek chuckled, pointing to me teetering back and forth on my heels at Spencer’s side, “That is my cue to leave.” With one final wink, he whispered, “Don’t be too hard on him, Princess.”

Spencer’s angry sigh and entirely stiff posture should have served as my warning, but it was just funny to me at the time.

“They all think I’m the boss of us,” I giggled. “Me! The boss!”

“You’re drunk.” His tone dropped the second Derek was out of earshot, and on intimidation alone, he managed to back me against the wall.

“So is everyone but you. They won’t even notice,” I mumbled, although the more the hallway started to spin, the less I believed that. I'd never been very good at math or shots, and this was a pretty horrible miscalculation of just how much of my tolerance I’d lost.

“You really couldn’t wait a few more months? Or at least until we got home?”

He was chastising me, and I just wasn’t there to hear it. I probably could have figured it out if I’d tried, but it all sounded like sexy nonsense at the time. Walking my fingers down his chest, I paused at his belly before hooking them in his pants and pulling his hips against mine.

“I’m allowed to drink if my daddy says so,” I purred.

Spencer didn’t find my taunt as charming as I’d hoped, and before I knew it his hand was roughly pressed over my jaw. He tilted my head back to look him in the eyes, and I wondered if he could smell the whiskey on my breath.

“Well, I didn’t,” he growled.

I never said I was a perfect person, or even a smart one. And when I was drinking and Spencer whipped out his Daddy voice, I don’t know what he really expected me to do. But apparently, trying to grab his dick through his pants was the wrong move. He snatched my hand away quickly, slamming it against the wall before he continued his little impromptu lecture.

“I’m not rewarding you for this. We’re going home.”

“That’s not a very scary threat,” I deadpanned, throwing my body weight back against the wall.

That lasted about four seconds before he pulled me back to my feet and leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “Just wait, little girl. Just you wait until I get my fucking hands on you.”

I was going to make a snarky joke, to remind him that his hands were surely and firmly already on me, but I never got the chance. We were both too distracted by the very loud and very high pitched squeal of Penelope as she rounded the corner.

“Ah! I saw nothing!” she shouted, covering her face with her hands and refusing to remove them.

“Yeah, because we aren’t doing anything,” I laughed. But then, being the slightly cruel brat that I was, I stuck my tongue out at Spencer before tacking on a completely unnecessary, “anymore.”

“We weren’t doing anything before either!” he squeaked back. He wasn’t using his Daddy voice anymore. So swiftly, so easily, he’d been knocked from his higher footing.

Penelope took the words to heart, but only enough to slowly lower her fingers and peek between them. With a shaky voice and an awkward laugh, she started to rant. “Oh. It’s fine. I’m cool. We’re all cool. We don’t have to talk about that thing from the first time I met you ever again. Because we said we’d never talk about it again, do you remember that?”

“I do remember that,” I answered with a very sarcastic tone and a nod.

“And I just brought it up again, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” I whispered, “Yes, you did.”

“I’m so sorry. Spencer, Hotch is looking for you,” she rushed, turning to the beet-red boy at my side. “Okay, that’s it. Take your time, because I’m cool and not at all mortified.” She was basically already gone before she'd even finished talking, taking off in the direction she'd come from while downing the drink in her hand.

With a loose, clumsy wave I shouted back, “Bye, Penelope.”

“Mortified is a good word. An accurate word,” Spencer huffed as he wiped a hand over his face. His bashfulness, while cute, was not as exciting as the pre-Penelope behavior.

Running my hands underneath his blazer and up his back, I pressed my chest against his. “Gosh, Dr. Reid. You need to be more appropriate in such a public setting.”

The words, while meant to get him riled up, did more to frustrate me. My drunken mind was more than happy to revert to the metro, and before I knew it, my daydreams were filled with images of Spencer stuffing me into the tiniest closet he could find and having his way with me.

“Oh, I’m the one lacking manners?” Spencer chuckled as he apparently read my very lewd thoughts. He pried my arms off of him and pulled them back to rest at my sides before pressing a strangely chaste kiss on my forehead. “Go get your stuff. I’m going to go talk to Hotch and I’ll meet you by the door.”

Before he disappeared around the corner, he shot me one last warning glance and ordered, “Do not mingle!”

“Don’t worry, I will!” I yelled back.

Once he was gone, it was my job to figure out how to make my body work again. Luckily, it wasn’t the first time I’d had too much to drink in a room filled with drunk adults. Granted, they usually weren’t all cops, but, whatever.

Turns out, it somehow made it easier. I managed to grab my things off the counter without alerting anyone except Penelope, who quickly turned back around with a blush. She probably figured I was gonna go blow him in the bathroom or something. I’d have been offended if the thought hadn’t literally just crossed my mind. I made it all the way to the door before I heard it. Back through the halls, a few of the group had separated to talk about how much harder it had been to see Hotch and JJ. It was nothing, just a little bug spreading through daycares like wildfire. That wasn’t what upset me, though.

No, the thoughts running through my head were more than just a passing thought of kids sick with a cold. I looked up at the walls of the entryway to Rossi’s home and saw intricate moulding and nothingness. I saw the exquisite, pristine rug underneath my feet, and I thought about how lonely it felt.

I was standing in a house that should have felt happy, filled with friends and family and love. There was no doubt that everyone who was there wanted to be there, and probably had nowhere else they’d rather be. But the tall ceilings and thousands of square feet felt so goddamn empty.

It isn’t the building, I heard a tiny, terrified voice call out from inside my own conscience.

It’s you. You’re empty.

I had to leave. I had to get out of the house. I had to hear the silence so that the nothingness would feel more appropriate and less noticeable. I couldn’t let them see me, because if they saw me, they would know. They would know that I was nothing but a husk of the girl they used to know. Without even thinking, I threw the door open, stumbling forward and almost falling flat on my face as I misjudged the small step down to the patio.

“Fuck!” I muttered, the world rocking around me with a stubborn persistence. If it weren’t for the frankly freezing temperature, I was sure I would have been sick. To make matters worse, there was a person quickly approaching.

“Hey, are you and Spence leaving already?”

It was JJ. Thank god, it was JJ. Probably the only person who wouldn’t make fun of me for being a mess on Rossi’s steps after only a few shots of whatever Morgan was drinking.

“Oh. Hey, JJ. Yeah. He’s…” I turned to my side, half expecting Spencer to be there to answer for me. But he wasn’t, so I ended up just pointing to the closed door before slurring, “he’s doing a thing.”

She was, per usual, very kind when faced with my buffoonery, and just laughed as she shook her head. “A thing. Sounds like him.”

I honestly thought that would be the end of it. It was a good, easy segue into a farewell. She already knew we were leaving, and she knew Spencer well enough to know that he wouldn’t leave me alone for long.

And I think she almost did leave. She almost walked right past me and into the warmth and comfort of a home filled with family and friends. But she didn’t. She stopped and asked me the one question I was really hoping she wouldn’t.

“Are you alright?”

I didn’t want her to ask because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to lie to her. Even if I could have managed it, she would have seen right through me in a second. Not only would it have been an exercise in futility, but she would also know that I thought it was worth it to try to lie.

So, I was honest… quite possibly too honest.

“No, not really. But it’s a lot and I’m kind of drunk, so…”

The mom eyes appeared so quickly, with JJ’s body turning entirely away from the door and over to me. “Not usually a good combination, but an understandable one,” she softly replied, wrapping her arms around herself to make up for the fact that she was sacrificing her comfort in many different ways to talk to me, instead.

She was probably just being nice— staying with me until Spencer could come take over the babysitting of the drunk twenty year old, but I wasn’t exactly thinking critically at the time. Which is only part of the reason why I blurted out the only thing on my mind; the thing that had been haunting me for longer than I wanted to admit even to myself, much less another person.

“Has Spencer ever talked to you about kids?”

The air, still freezing, also fell uncomfortably silent.

“Oh…” she mumbled under her breath, clearly unsure of how to handle that particular minefield of a topic. Especially with her best friend’s girlfriend, who also happened to be drunk. I almost told her to forget about it, but then she looked up at me with a powerful resolve. “Yeah, he has. Why?”

I thought about my next words more carefully, although you wouldn’t have been able to tell considering how much I stuttered.

“Do you think… Do you think he’d be happy if… I can’t have them?” I asked, wringing my hands together over my stomach. “Like, not just happy today, but like ten years from now?” I could hear how desperate I sounded, but I needed someone to hear the words playing on loop in my mind. Absolutely frantic and with tears pooling in my eyes, I asked, “Do you think he’d still love me if I can’t give him kids?”

“(Y/n), slow down. It’s okay!” JJ urged, lunging forward to cup my cheeks and gently wipe away any stray tears. “Don’t cry! You’ll ruin your make up and it looks like you spent a lot of time on it.”

I had to laugh because not only was it my exact brand of humor, she said it with such a serious face that I had to wonder if it was genuinely her biggest concern. Of course, I knew it wasn’t. In her usual JJ way, she just knew the easiest way to cheer me up was with a laugh.

“Yeah, there’s like $80 on my face, it’s really not worth it to cry,” I agreed, sniffling softly when she finally pulled away her hands. At least I could blame that part on the cold.

“Exactly. And if you cry, then I’ll cry, and then I’ll also ruin my make up, and we’ll just be $150 down the drain with nothing to show for it,” she joked with a tired roll of her eyes and a shrug.

Together, we laughed, finding a pocket of warmth in a world that often felt too cold. Behind JJ’s eyes though, I saw an empathy I wasn’t expecting. That small, instinctual part of my brain tugged at my heart, telling me that there was an unspoken bond forming. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know why. I had a feeling that it was one of those secrets you just didn’t ask about, so I let it go.

“Thanks. It’s a stupid thought anyway,” I sighed, shuffling my feet and knocking my heels against the somehow spotless patio. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, so why stress about it, right?”

But then JJ said something I wasn’t expecting. Something that I actually really, really needed to hear.

“I don’t know, I think you’re allowed to be worried. It’s normal to feel scared.”

The sentence hit me like a freight train carrying lead and cement. At first, my brain refused to comprehend it at all. I struggled to repeat the idea, not because I was drunk but because it sounded so wrong. I had wanted it to be true so badly, and here she was, telling me it was okay.

Sensing my simultaneous trepidation and revelation, JJ cringed a bit when she said, “But I think it is a good idea to talk to Spence about it instead of me. Because, to be honest, I’ve also had one too many glasses to be helpful.”

That time when I laughed, it was full-hearted and involved every muscle in my body. “God, I love you, Jennifer,” I said through the noise.

She just shook her head, clearly enjoying the drastic mood swing she’d had a great part in. “I love you, too,” she whispered, running her hand over my shoulder and arm to pull me into a small half-hug. And that was how Spencer found us, giggling and sniffling on Rossi’s porch.

“Hey, are you ready to— Oh! Hey JJ,” he stopped, taking a very hesitant step forward in the hope that we wouldn’t both start crying on the spot. Drunk girls had a tendency to do that. “W-What are you guys doing out here?”

She let me go first, shoving her hand, still damp with my tears, into her pockets with a secretive smile. “Girl talk.”

“That usually doesn’t bode well for me,” Spencer answered with an awkward, nervous laugh. He didn’t make a move to grab me yet, probably too scared to step between the two of us. I was too busy giggling at the thought of his mind cycling through all the possible secrets I might have spilled in my uninhibited state.

I was tipsy, but I wasn’t that drunk.

JJ pulled two fingers over her mouth in a cheeky motion as she whispered, “My lips are sealed.”

“An even worse sign,” Spencer winced, turning to finally wrap his arm around me. He must have noticed the chill on my skin, because seconds later he had me practically wrapped in his coat. “I should just cut my losses and get her out of here, huh?”

“Shut up, old man,” I slurred, cuddling closer to his body heat despite my protests. Even in the darkness, I watched the heat bloom in his face at the nickname. By far, the worst part about the situation was the fact that I couldn’t kiss him, because I just knew he would be so warm, and I was really starting to get cold. I suspect that’s why he started to whisk me away, unceremoniously shushing me as JJ cleared her throat and raised her hand in a wave.

Before we got too far, though, I heard her speak again. “Oh! (Y/n), your questions!”

“What about them?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder and nearly falling to the ground as a result.

JJ looked at me, and then back to Spencer, whose arm was wrapped possessively around me. She smiled a pure, toothy grin that filled her face, causing that weird feeling in my gut to flare up again. She saw something in that moment that I wasn’t sure I’d ever really understand, but her voice started to crack just enough to notice when she called out, “The answer is yes. To all of them.”

—————————————————

The ride back to Spencer’s place was uneventful, though I tried very hard to make it interesting. After the fourth time he'd swatted away my hand and threatened to throw me in the back, I gave in to his demand to behave. I blamed my compliance on the alcohol, although it was probably more so a result of total exhaustion.

The respite from socialization was apparently what I needed to be able to function again, because as soon as we pulled into his apartment parking lot, I was awake.

... Awake enough to try and maul him in the hallway. But, in his sober stubbornness, he continued to evade my advances all the way until his front door clicked shut behind us. His hands on my hips had never felt like such a victory before.

“Did you enjoy wreaking havoc all night?” he whispered, slowly leading us towards his room. I couldn’t see where I was going, but I didn’t need to. Even without an eidetic memory, my body cherished this path and the memories it always led to. I trusted him to catch me if I stumbled. Which, I definitely did.

“I’m the cutest devil you’ll ever see,” I slurred.

“At least you admit it,” Spencer laughed. I couldn’t tell if it was at my words or the fact that I was failing terribly at trying to unbutton his shirt. My drunk self was not a skilled multitasker.

Once I felt the bed against the back of my thighs, I hopped on top of the covers before he could even try to help me up. It was muscle memory. We’d been there before.

“I’m feeling more fallen angel tonight,” I sighed, sliding against the comforter until I found his pillow.

Naturally, Spencer saw the way I gravitated to his side. He smiled as he removed his shirt that I’d left mostly intact. “By all means, feel free to stay that way.”

I probably should have taken off my dress, or my shoes, but I didn’t. The world sort of felt like a wave pool on a sunny day, and I was worried that if I paid too much attention to what was going on around me, I'd think about something I really didn’t want to think about.

I couldn’t remember what it was.

But then Spencer’s hands were gliding up and down my calves, and I shuddered at the contact. He took his time removing my shoes before coming up to join me on all fours. I wondered if he could taste the whiskey on my tongue when he kissed me. Did it remind him of the circumstances that had brought us together? Did it remind him of his hangover and sins?

Did he think of monsters when he kissed me?

My hands were tangled in his hair, pulling lightly to try to keep him there. And when he pulled away, I tried to fight him. I tried to follow him, scared that once the kiss was over, I’d start remembering things I probably should have tried to forget.

He must have seen the denial in my eyes, because he hesitated. His hand came up to lightly grab my wrist and lead my hand that had a death grip on his hair down to his face. “Are you too drunk? Should we stop?”

Throwing my head back with a groan, I tried not to hate him for actually caring about me again. “If you stop right now, I’m going to actually scream,” I droned. It got me a laugh, at least.

“That doesn’t comfort me in the slightest.”

Once I opened my eyes, I found myself wishing I hadn’t. It wasn’t that I saw hesitancy or fear in Spencer’s eyes – on the contrary, it was the lack of anything bad at all that bothered me. I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but a sincere, pure adoration that I couldn’t argue with.

I chose to ignore it, instead. I couldn’t remember why it made my stomach hurt.

“Are you going to make me do a sobriety test?” I giggled, letting my hands travel down his shoulders and chest. I wasn’t in as much of a rush as I had been earlier. I wanted to take my time remembering what it felt like to be pinned under him and surrounded by his embrace.

“I’m positive that you’ve practiced those while drunk,” he playfully replied while trying to hide the way goosebumps followed my fingers as they trailed down to more interesting territory.

“Yeah, I can say the alphabet backwards and everything.”

It was meant as a joke, but Spencer apparently had some doubts. With a scrunched up smile, he laughed back as he asked, “Really?”

The fact that he believed I was capable of something like that might have been flattering if it hadn't been based on his incredibly flawed perception of my propensity to lawbreaking. But since it was based on ideas of immorality rather than intelligence, it just made me mad.

Smacking him lightly on the chest, I both pouted and laughed as I snapped back, “No, of course not, asshole!”

Spencer just grinned, giving a delayed wince at the offensive contact before he sat up again. I didn’t realize why at first, but as he slowly started to coax me into turning around, I remembered that I was, in fact, still fully dressed. I figured it was either his way of saying that I’d won, or just an excuse to take off the dress so I might actually go to sleep. I was fine with either.

“I was drunk the first night we met, if you’ve forgotten,” I mumbled, rolling onto my side of the bed and moving my hair so that he wouldn’t catch any in the zipper.

“I definitely haven’t forgotten that night.”

The nostalgia in his voice was both comforting and painful. We’d always joked about that night, though. It wasn’t an insult at all.

“No? Do you think about it often?” I replied playfully, forcing myself not to think too hard about whether he wished I was still the girl he'd met that day.

Spencer made it easy to forget, with his hand starting to draw the zipper down while he leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “I think about it all the time.” My breath hitched in my throat at the way his voice warped into a rough, raspy tone. “You almost made me believe that you were just some shy, innocent little girl.”

This time when he got me to turn back over, there was nothing gentle about it. His hands were clearly craving the kind of violence they got to use last time. I wanted to feel them again.

“We can make a new memory if you want,” I panted, looking up at him with wanton eyes and my dress loose enough to expose parts of my breasts to him.

“Fuck,” he muttered at the sight below him. He pressed his erection against my hip as he ran a hand over my cheek. “Tell me the rules.”

“I tell you to stop if I need to,” I carefully enunciated.

“Good girl,” he moaned, starting to rock against me. Struggling to pull my dress off himself, he pleaded in a slightly pitiful manner, “Can I…?”

I helped him, desperate to feel his skin against mine. I didn’t even think about what it meant for my dress to be gone. It wasn’t until Spencer’s mouth dropped to my chest so enthusiastically that I realized that he’d failed to stop and kiss my lips first.

With both hands on my breasts, he lavished each pebbled peak with his fingers and tongue. He hadn’t ever mentioned the fact that he’d missed me shirtless, but it was painfully obvious in the way his lips trailed along my body. It was obvious in the rumbling of his moans against my skin and the way his hands roughly kneaded the soft tissue.

I was forced to remember why I hadn’t let him see me topless.

I felt naked. Not because of the exposed skin, but because I couldn’t warp reality with lace or cotton anymore. My marred stomach might not have made a physical barrier, but it still made him feel so far away. It was a paralyzing kind of realization, and I felt myself retreat so quickly that it hurt.

Thankfully, it was Spencer who was kissing me. If it had been anyone else, I think I would have just laid there, terrified and small and alone. But I couldn’t do that with him.

“Spencer?” I quietly called, and he immediately stopped, his eyes meeting mine with all the attention a girl could ever ask for. I smiled, and the sensation almost felt foreign.

“Come kiss me here instead,” I said with a little giggle, tapping my lips to bring him back to where I wanted him. And he came to me so quickly, his mouth crashing onto mine in seconds and his hands tangling in my hair.

I had forgotten so quickly how easy it was to get lost in him. Thanks to the alcohol, my mind wasn’t able to stick with any thought for longer than a few seconds. Mixing that with Spencer’s hands and mouth, I was never going to be able to think in more than a few words at a time. And I shouldn’t have needed to, right? It was just sex. We’d done it many times before, and it had never been a disappointment. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of mind — some instinctual warning that told me I was doing something wrong.

I wanted him, so what could be wrong about that? There was nothing painful or unappreciated in the way he lined himself up at my entrance, and I certainly made that much clear. It was hard to even hear him over the sound of my own moans, and my nails dug into his shoulder as I guided him into me with my hips.

“I love you,” I cried, wrapping my legs around his waist and digging my heels into the back of his thighs.

“I love you so much, little girl,” he whispered against my lips, his forehead resting against mine.

For a moment, it was okay. The feeling subsided long enough for me to enjoy the fact that Spencer, the man I loved, loved me back. I thought about how long it had taken us to get to this point, and how I never wanted to lose it again. I held onto him for dear life, rocking my hips to meet his and bringing his mouth down to mine.

It was okay, until he spoke again.

“You’re such a good girl,” he groaned into my mouth, “even when you’re being bad you just want to be useful.”

Useful.

The word had come back to haunt me several times in the recent weeks. I hadn’t said anything about it because I couldn’t understand why it bothered me so much. There was no reason for me to be upset. He was just saying what I usually liked to hear.

So why did it hurt?

And I realized then, that the reason that experience felt so horrible wasn’t because of me at all. It was because it was Spencer. It was Spencer, the man I loved. There he was, trying to love me and comfort me and hold me and I…

In a rush of emotions and memories and repressed regrets, I was forced to face the fact that I had made a terrible mistake. The kind of mistake that if I didn’t do something about it in that exact, immediate moment, would become a disaster. The kind of disaster that meant he might never want to touch me again. The kind that would make him hate me. The kind that would make him leave and I couldn’t blame him for.

I had made a mistake.

“Wait, wait, Spencer, stop!” I slurred, my hands that had been holding him close seconds earlier shoving him off of me with the little force I was capable of. It didn’t take much, though, considering how fast he jumped back.

Frantic and terrified, he grabbed my face and tried to inspect my eyes that were avoiding him. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t look at him. “No, I just really need to stop,” I muttered, my breath picking up even more as I slid away from him, “Can I just— Can you just give me a minute?”

My hands slid over my chest, trying to hide the shame I felt inside to no avail. Spencer only made it worse in the way he quickly grabbed clothing, covering me in his shirt before he dressed himself. He even took the time to find me pants and help me in them, quietly and carefully. Like a doll.

I was going to be sick.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me,” he croaked brokenly while he curled up at my side, trying to wrap his arms around me before he realized I was shrinking away from his touch. He was so confused. He had no reason to know what was going on, but I could see on his face that he was desperately trying to figure it out.

“Does this have something to do with what you were talking to JJ about?”

An interesting question. I didn’t know the answer.

“Yes. No? Maybe. I guess?” I ran a hand over my face that landed on my throbbing temple. The lack of tears on my face almost surprised me. I probably should have been crying, but I wasn’t. In a way, it felt like I had no tears left to give. When I turned to him, bile rose in my throat and I was afraid that I might choke on it if I didn’t get the words out faster. I just had to tell him. He needed to know.

“Listen, I lied to you. And I need to say something.”

I had just gotten my breathing under control, just in time for his to go erratic. His pulse was visible in his throat as he swallowed. “Lied to me? About what?”

“I…” The world was rocking, and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol or my brain trying to comprehend my own self-destructive stupidity. I knew which one I was going to blame, though. “Fuck, I didn’t think I was this drunk.”

“What did you lie to me about?” he repeated, his hands gripping handfuls of the sheet in hopes of stopping the rest of his body from trembling.

“Well, I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you.”

It was the most useless clarification, and it did absolutely nothing to appease his concern. The longer the words stayed stuck and muddled in my mouth, the more devastated he seemed. In hindsight, I would realize all the millions of awful reasons his mind must have been feeding him in the absence of the truth.

“Please, whatever it is, just tell me,” Spencer begged with a hesitant, shaky hand coming to rest on top of mine. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. Instead, we both looked down at our hands. It was a mercy and a disservice. I just had to tell him, but I couldn’t convince myself to do it without looking him in the eyes. That didn’t mean I wasn’t grateful that he didn’t look back, though. Because once the words were said, there would be no going back from them.

He was going to hate me.

“I… stopped taking my birth control,” I whispered in a voice that felt so foreign. “Like, a while ago.”

Spencer’s jaw steeled, his eyes widening and shooting up to me with the same speed he used to jump off the bed. Despite my efforts to grab him, to stop him from leaving me, he was five feet away in a matter of seconds.

“What?!” he shouted. It was the loudest I’d ever heard him. Even the echoes felt deafening, and my hands covered my ears with a wince.

“Shit! That was loud!” I whined in a pathetic attempt to make him feel bad for me. I didn’t deserve it, but I think it worked. Because the next time he spoke, it was at a more manageable volume.

“What do you mean you stopped taking your birth control?! When?!”

“Stop yelling at me.” I pulled my knees to my chest and ignored the pain in my stomach when I did so. It felt well deserved.

“You aren’t joking, either. Why didn’t you tell me this?” Spencer continued, his hands raking through his hair while he started to pace the room.

Nothing about it felt real. I felt like I was stuck in one of my million recurring nightmares. I just wanted to wake up, to be somewhere other than in a room too small for the bass in his voice. I only barely saw him when he finally approached me. He still stayed a few feet away, but he met my eyes that stared vacantly at the wall ahead of me.

“Answer me!”

Whether it was the order that broke me or the pain in his voice, all of my resolve and apathy shattered at once.

“You’ve always said you wanted to get me pregnant!” I screamed back, digging my nails into my skin in the hope of finding feeling there.

“Not like this! Not right now!” he scoffed. The sound would have hurt more if he hadn't stepped closer to me when he made it.

“Why not?!” I tried to sound angry, but all I heard was the plea beneath the words.

I just want to be useful. Please let me be useful.

“Are you serious?” Spencer’s disbelief was present in every ounce of his existence. His hands were alternating between fists and flat palms, his voice cracking and wavering in pitch. “What has gotten into you? You know that you can’t have a child right now.”

I bit down on my tongue in one final attempt to keep the scary words inside. But he couldn’t feel the way his words felt just like bullets and scar tissue that would never fully heal again.

“You almost died! Do you—“ he choked, but powered through his body’s attempt to stop the thought. “Do you understand the danger that would put you in?”

“I know, alright?! I know!” The words were loud and hoarse, and I covered my own ears to hopefully drown out the sound of failure on my own tongue. “I know I can’t have a fucking kid right now!”

“Then what are you doing?!”

I don’t know. Please, help me.

He waited for my answer, but it stayed trapped in my head. When I started to rock in place, my hands still clamped over my ears and the tears I swore I didn’t have starting to fall, he sighed.

“Get up, we’re going to the store.”

“Why?” I spat, sinking further into my spot in a purely selfish manner.

“Get up,” he said again, this time reaching out for my hand.

But I didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t want him to touch me like this. I was scared that if I did what he wanted, then the fight would be over. And if the fight ended, then what would be left? Was this all just some elaborate ruse to get me in his car so that he could drive me home and leave me there?

His hand touched mine so softly, with so much patience and love that it burned. Why wasn’t he angrier? He should be.

“No!” I screamed, smacking his hand away from me. Although I knew it didn’t hurt, I saw him wince at the contact. His lips flattened as he looked at the stupid sobbing girl on his bed.

Then he left. He turned on his heel, and with less patience that time, grumbled the explanation he'd refused to give before. “We’re going to the store and getting levonorgestrel so that you don’t make the stupidest mistake of your life.”

It wasn’t the words that got me to move, but the fact that he was quickly leaving the room. I scrambled after him recklessly, crashing into just about every stationary object in the way. The shock had hit me so hard that I forgot I was still drunk.

“Is it really that awful to imagine having a future with me?” I sobbed, chasing after him just to crash into him when he stopped.

He still caught me, but I couldn’t tell you why.

“You know that’s not what this is about.” He sounded so tired, but he kept going. He kept fighting with me even though I could see in his eyes that it was the last thing he wanted to do. “I love you, (y/n)! But you’re acting like… like a child!”

“Fuck you,” I seethed, pushing myself away from him.

I was scared that if I didn’t force our bodies apart, I would have fallen to pieces in his arms again. And I knew he would try to put me back together again. He would try to help me because that’s what he always did. But sometimes things are just completely, irrevocably broken. Sometimes there was simply no fixing it.

Good luck convincing Spencer of that.

“I don’t need this shit and I don’t need to go to the store,” I muttered under my breath as I made my way back into the bedroom to locate my purse that I’d so gracefully thrown on the floor.

“(Y/n), just because the chances of pregnancy are low doesn’t mean they are nonexistent, and I’m not going to be the reason you throw your life away! You said yourself you aren’t ready to be a housewife!” I heard him rambling from the other room. Eventually, he followed the sounds of plastic packaging and rustling paper.

“Shut up,” I groaned, finally getting the tiny pill free and successfully shoving it in my mouth before I managed to drop it. “Just leave me alone, Spencer.”

Obviously, it wasn’t going to work. After all, I was in his apartment, and currently sitting cross legged in the middle of his bedroom and trying to dry swallow a pill that tasted a lot like every mistake I’d ever made.

“When did you buy that? And why do you have it with you?” He didn’t sound angry at all anymore. He didn’t even particularly sound annoyed or confused, just… exhausted.

“You’re welcome for saving you the drive.”

Of all the things he could have done, he chose the one I expected the least. He came to me, and carefully lowered himself to the ground in front of me. At first, that was all he did. He just sat across from me with puppy dog eyes and an awkward posture.

“Look at me,” he called gently.

“I don’t want to.”

He sighed, waiting another second to catch his breath and let the earlier emotions settle in the air. “You had that in your purse. Why?” he asked as he reached forward to grab the remnants of the torn up box and confirm that it was what he thought it was. Once he was satisfied, he just sounded even more broken. “You’ve clearly thought about it enough to plan ahead, but apparently I wasn’t important enough to have a say in any of these decisions.”

The pain that was forming in my stomach hurt worse than the AR-15.

“Were you just… Just planning on making those decisions without even telling me?” He was on the verge of tears, though he tried his very best to hide it. It might’ve worked if I'd been both drunk and an idiot, but unfortunately the adrenaline was combatting the alcohol pretty well at that point.

With both hands covering his face, I could still see the way his jaw tensed between the words. “It would be my child, too,” he forced out, “You don’t— You don’t get to make those decisions without me. T-That’s not fair.”

The sounds were so pitiful, and I wanted to feel anything but what I felt. I wanted to feel angry or sad again, but I couldn’t. All I felt was hate; the most powerful, soul crushing self-loathing imaginable.

I didn’t want to be the reason he cried. I wanted it to stop, but I didn’t know how. I couldn’t control myself. I just kept rubbing salt in the wound so he would leave. So that I could hate him for leaving me instead of hating myself for making him.

“There’s no kid. I would’ve taken it either way.”

That succeeded in getting a response.

“Then what was the point of any of this?!” he fumed, dropping his hands to gestured to the state of us, dressed in pajamas and tears. “If you really believe that, then why tell me? Why risk it at all?!”

“I don’t know.”

“I deserve a better answer than that. That’s bullshit and you know it,” he demanded with an accusing finger.

But I didn’t know that it was bullshit. Really, it was the truth. I didn’t know why I was doing this. All I knew was that if I stopped, if I was just honest with him, I would have to face a reality I wasn’t ready for.

“I deserve the truth,” he said as his hand fell, unable to stay up under the weight of the feeling behind it.

I looked at him and I saw my mistakes in the form of tears trickling down his cheeks and a tremble in his lips. I saw a man who deserved nothing but the greatest love, begging me to give him something to work with. He wasn’t asking me for the world — he just wanted me to talk. To say something so that he could understand why I wanted him to hate me.

I didn’t have an answer. Not one that either of us would believe, anyway.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Spencer.” My lips moved without my permission, and my legs quickly followed the traitorous pursuit.

“What does that mean?” he begged me as he followed me. He followed me like he always did, with that suffocating hopefulness that we could make it.

But what if I couldn’t? What if this was it for me? What if, in my desperate desire to push him away, I was saving him from a miserable life with me?

I was trying to save him.

“It means…” I paused, turning to look him in the eyes so that he might finally hear what he needed to in my answer. “It means you should’ve picked a different 20 year old to fuck.”

His jaw finally relaxed, dropping open with a broken breath.

And I think he saw it. I think he saw the way I meant the words from the bottom of my soul. He heard me tell him that he should regret me while I tried to walk away, and he knew that I meant it.

“I’m leaving.” The words surprised me when I heard them in my own voice, but I followed them, nonetheless. I barreled towards the door with bare feet and my keys in my hand.

“Where are you going? You can’t leave like this.” His statements were logical, but that only served to further piss me off.

“You can’t tell me what to do. I’m not your property!”

That wasn’t why I was angry. We both knew that wasn’t why. The real reason, the truth behind the reckless self-destruction was approaching too fast and I couldn’t slow it down. Nothing could stop it from rushing down the predetermined path that we stood on, and I was begging him to get off the tracks.

“If you leave right now, you’re going to fucking kill yourself!”

And then it happened. Practically foaming at the mouth with the unhinged rage that had been boiling underneath my skin for too long, I finally managed to let the words go.

“Maybe that’s the fucking point!”

Silence had never been so loud. It had never been that heavy.

“Have you ever stopped to consider that, Spencer?” I laughed because there was no reason in my mind not to. It all seemed so terribly obvious and we’d been skirting around it for so long. Why were we pretending like this was news? Like we hadn’t heard the horns and seen the headlights approaching?

“Please stop.” It was said like a plea but meant as an order. But I never listened to directions and he already knew that.

“I’m not your problem just because you were unfortunate enough to fall in love with me,” I continued, finding a freedom in being able to finally say what I’d been thinking all along. “Put me out of my fucking misery, Spencer. Just let me go.”

“Stop!” he shouted, pulling fistfuls of his hair as his chest heaved with deep, rasping breaths. I’d heard that voice from him before, but only once. The memories were locked away in the part of my brain that I swore to leave locked up.

I was back in the bank. I could feel his hands slipping in blood on my stomach and pressing into my cheeks. I was in the ambulance again. His hands were so warm that they burned, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to leave. I'd had one foot in the grave then. I felt like I was still there, teetering over the edge with nothing but Spencer’s frantic breathing and desperate begging keeping me from jumping in.

“Stop saying that!” Spencer ordered, his hands letting go just enough to come back down on his head with some force. I jumped at the contact and wondered when I'd started feeling his pain, too. I wondered when we'd found ourselves back in his apartment again.

“Y-You aren’t going to die!” He continued. It didn’t have the force of an order or the pathetic breaking of a cry. It was just a statement he was trying to will into existence. An attempt to ward off memories that reminded him he was capable of losing me. He had already almost lost me once. In a way, it was this same scenario.

It was just that he wasn’t losing me quickly from a gunshot wound. No, I was bleeding out in an entirely different way.

“You can’t— I can’t lose you. I can’t do it again,” he sobbed, falling to his knees and not caring at all about the bruises that would follow. The sight of him collapsing in on himself was terrifying, and I realized for the first time the true consequences of my actions. I couldn’t pretend that I was trying to save him anymore. I couldn’t listen to the congested, barely comprehensible ramblings of a man begging me not to want to die and act like I was thinking of him at all.

I was being selfish. How very much like me.

“Please, anything but that. You can hate me forever, but please don’t…” The words trailed off, and I felt compelled to answer them. I needed something to release the knot in my chest and allow my lungs to fill again.

“I don’t hate you, Spencer. I could never hate you.” The words were infuriating in their honesty, but he needed to hear them. He needed to know that none of this was his fault, that he’d done nothing wrong other than meet me.

I couldn’t leave him like that. He deserved so much better than me, but that was all that I had. So, I climbed down next to him, reaching out to him and hoping that he would hold me back.

To my surprise, he did. His hands grabbed mine like they were a lifeline, bringing them to his lips wet with tears. And although he was silent, I could hear the way he prayed that they wouldn’t fade away from him again.

“I-I… I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell you. I’m supposed to be the adult here, I’m supposed to know how to fix these things, but I have no idea what I’m doing, (y/n).”

It was an admission Spencer didn’t often make. The complete helplessness and inability to fix the puzzle before him didn’t just hurt because it was painful to watch, it was also just another reminder of his limits.

One time he had promised me that he wouldn’t let anything hurt me. I should have told him that it was a stupid promise to make then. I should have showed him the skeletons in my closet and the mess in my hands.

But it didn’t matter anymore. He had already seen it, and it was too late. I’d made too many mistakes, and I had to face them. I couldn’t run away anymore. That meant listening to Spencer, pouring his heart out to me and clutching my hands like they would turn to nothing in front of him.

“You’re falling apart and you won’t talk to me. I don’t know how to make this stop hurting. I don’t know how to help you. Sometimes you’re so happy but other times I can see it in your eyes…”

Our eyes met, unguarded, for the first time in what felt like hours but was actually probably only a few minutes. We looked into each other’s eyes and tried to read each other’s minds. I didn’t know what he saw, but I heard the way it struck him.

“Do you… Do you want to leave me?” he asked.

And I realized then, that was what my behavior was leading up to. That was what my mind was racing towards, without ever considering whether it was what was best for me. Because I wasn’t thinking about what was best for me, or what I wanted, or what I should want. All I cared about was the same concern Spencer had for me— I didn’t want him to throw his life away just to be with me.

“Is that what you want?” I asked.

Spencer heard something in my question that brought life back to his eyes. I wished that I could hear his thoughts because he always seemed so much farther ahead. Like he could see the immediate future and knew what would follow.

Then again, maybe I was just idealizing him. I had a tendency to do that. He wasn’t a superhero. He was just a man, trying his best in a world that never really let him rest. I certainly didn’t help with that.

“No. No, that’s not what I want at all,” he said, his hands finding the courage to let go of mine and slide up my arms. He cupped my face with such an urgency and relief that it almost felt the same as before I had uttered those terrifying words. “I told you I want to marry you and I wasn’t kidding.”

It only took a few words for any progress and vulnerability to be obliterated. Four words. That’s all it took.

I want to marry you.

A white picket fence is what I’d promised him. I'd painted a vivid image of us with two children that were just like him. A normal, domestic life is what I’d said.

I hadn't known. I'd made a mistake. I had lied.

“Stop fucking saying that!” I wished the fight would leave my body and let my weary muscles rest, but it kept coming back. Sure as the sun rises in the morning, I couldn’t let go of the hatred. It had to go somewhere, and Spencer continued to be the stupid, stubborn man putting himself in front of me without any defenses.

I don’t think he was expecting that, though. He jumped back at the sound, his hands bracing his fall as I flailed to get away from him. I didn’t have the energy or coordination to stand, so I just let myself fall to pieces on the floor in front of him.

“Stop telling me about this future you have planned for us b-because I’m a useless, idiotic fuck up, and it’s freaking me the fuck out!”

Naturally, the only thing that could incense Spencer more than violating his trust was, apparently, talking badly about myself. Because as soon as he heard the words, he was wound up just the same.

“What are you so afraid of?!”

Without thinking about the words, implications, or consequences, I gave him the answer he fought for. I gave it to him because I couldn’t hold it any longer. I gave it to him and hoped that it would grant me the closure he sought, too.

“That I won’t ever be able to give you a baby and you’re going to fucking leave me!”

Spencer, in all his shock and disbelief, could only utter back a single, exasperated, “…What?” The way the word fell out of his mouth almost sounded like a laugh, the side of his lips curling into an almost imperceptible smile.

“I’m scared that when I stop being useful to you, you’re going to leave me like everyone else,” I explained, my voice as small as I felt in that moment.

But Spencer, in his uncanny ability to predict the future, was trying not to smile. Don’t get me wrong — he wasn’t laughing at me, and the words certainly brought him no joy. But there was something else buried beneath the suffering.

“Come here,” he requested with a sad, small grin and a wave of his hand. When he saw the hesitance on my face, he beckoned me closer again with more feeling. “I want to talk to you. Come here.”

So I came. I came as close to him as I could. And as I practically sat in his lap, I remembered how much easier it was to breathe when he held me, and how much lighter the tears felt when he wiped them a way.

“Why do you think I’m going to leave you?” he asked through a chuckle, like the very notion was so unbelievable that it couldn’t be uttered as anything other than a joke.

“Y-You want kids,” I mumbled, looking down at our t-shirts wet with tears. I played with the hem of his to remind myself that we were both still there. And although Spencer sympathized, he didn’t seem too keen on me looking away at that particular moment. With a gentle finger under my chin, he guided my eyes back to his.

“Okay. So do you, right?”

“Well, yeah…” I paused and pursed my lips and bit down on the bottom one. I waited until he raised his eyebrows in a challenge before I explained. “But what if I can’t have any?”

Spencer’s face scrunched up with his shoulders in a dismissive shrug, “There are other ways to have kids. I’m not worried about that at all.”

Just like that, he’d waved away my fears of inadequacy and failure like they were smoke from an already snuffed out candle. He made it so clear so quickly that biology wasn’t the thing that mattered. That it wasn’t my genetics or physical traits that made him want to share a literal life with me.

Spencer didn’t need me to have his children; he just wanted me to raise some with him.

“Why are you worried about that? Did something happen?” he pressed forward, unsatisfied with the idea that I might still be carrying some heaviness without his assistance.

“The doctor told me that I might not ever be able to have my own kids and I just...”

I should have known better than to doubt the insistence of his greedy hands. They would never let a burden belong solely to me. And I… didn’t want to bear the weight alone anymore, either. The dam was broken, and my heart came rushing out into his waiting arms.

“I’m so tired of it, Spencer. I’m tired of this stupid shit stealing my life away from me. You’ve been taking care of me for months, a-and the way you look at me sometimes-- I can see it on your face. I can feel the way it hurts you just to look at me.”

That hurt flashed in his eyes right then but faded with a swiftness I hadn’t seen in a long time. He didn’t want me to see it yet. One fight at a time, I heard him think. When this shifted load balanced between us again, we could figure the rest out.

First, we had to settle this. It had to end.

“If I can’t give you children, and I can’t... I can’t make you happy then—“

“Stop,” he demanded, his finger coming up to cover my lips. There was no argument to be made at his protest. With a deathly seriousness veiled with bowed brows and a lip that still trembled, Spencer whispered to me, “You can feel however you want to, but you don’t get to decide how I feel.”

Tears welled in both of our eyes, threatening to fall with the other. But they didn’t, they stayed pooled at our lashes and drowned us in visions of haloed lights and blurry reflections.

“I am so happy with you. No matter what. Every second of every day. Do you understand me?”

The only answer I had the strength to give was my surrender. Collapsing forward into his arms, I buried my face into his shoulder. I reveled in the warmth of his chest and the strength of his hands on my back. I felt his heartbeat against my cheek as the deep, joyful breaths he took in came out as relieved laughter.

“I love you, (y/n).”

He must have heard, or at least felt, my soft groan in response, because he peeled me off of him with a smirk. “What’s wrong now?” he asked in an equally tired whine.

“You only use my name when you’re angry or sad,” I grumbled through a pout. It only felt a little silly, to joke about something so stupid minutes after screaming our hearts at each other. We were just so tired, and the finish line was in sight. We just wanted to cross it together, and preferably with less tears involved.

Spencer didn’t say any of that, but I felt it, nonetheless. It was clear in the way he pushed my hair from my face before running his fingers down my jaw. “I use your name when I’m worried,” he corrected. “And you scared me tonight. I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling this way.”

We were toeing the line back into heavy emotions, and I shook my head to ask him not to take me back there tonight. But I couldn’t blame him at the same time. He’d so gracefully handled all of my fears and rage; he deserved a chance to voice his own. They’d fallen so far behind in the race towards the truth.

“I understand you were scared to tell me, but...” he stopped, trying to find a way to explain it without hurting my feelings. He really was too nice to me.

“I know. It was stupid. I feel terrible,” I finished for him. Once my face hit his shoulder again, I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry, Spencer,” I said with almost all of the energy I had left. He stroked soothing patterns over my back, and after a moment I realized that we’d started to rock. I wasn’t sure if it was for his benefit or mine.

“I appreciate your apology, but please promise me that you’ll talk to someone about this,” he humbly requested, his words muffled in my hair.

“Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?”

It was almost a joke. Spencer wasn’t going to let it go, though. “Don’t try to be clever with me, little girl. I need you to talk to someone who knows how to help you,” he playfully scolded.

Through a yawn and a chuckle, I pressed on in my attempt to end the night on a horrible joke. “Isn’t that your whole job?”

“Yeah, I guess it is sometimes, huh?” he agreed halfheartedly. Really, he was only trying to give me a little bit of a win. We both knew his job wasn’t very good at helping people before the fact. It was just another poor attempt at avoiding healing. I had been holding on to that anger so tightly that there wasn’t room for us in the space that was left.

“But I think you also know I can’t be that person for you,” Spencer eloquently said, cradling my head as it started to rock with each motion.

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed, “I promise.”

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but no matter what, it wouldn’t have lasted long enough. The rhythm of his heart evened out over time, settling into the lullaby I needed to finally find some rest. But realistically, we couldn’t sleep there. Spencer was kind enough to practically carry me back into the bed we had shared when this all started, although this time he laid beside me.

From there, he helped tuck me in and pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead. My eyes were closed, but the smile that spread over my cheeks was enough of a signal that I was still awake.

“Look at me,” he whispered.

My bloodshot eyes opened at his call, and I found love staring back at me. I knew he could see my eyes bouncing back and forth as I tried to see all of it at once in his eyes, and I didn’t care. Even when he kissed me, neither of us closed them.

“We don’t have to worry about anything,” he said as our mouths broke apart. His thumb swept over my cheeks to all the places I knew he was thinking about kissing. There was a very poor attempt to hide his smile at the thought of the future, but I appreciated the effort he put in.

“When you’re ready to try to have kids, I’ll be right there with you,” he said.

It was clear that Spencer really wanted it to be a meaningful sentiment, but I was still a little bitter at his failure to laugh at my previous terrible jokes. So when I saw the opportunity, I took it swiftly and with no regrets.

“I sure hope so, or else I don’t think it’ll work,” I muttered through the side of my mouth before turning onto my back.

Spencer’s first carefree giggle of the night was my prize, and I couldn’t have loved it any more. “That’s my little girl,” he cooed, curling up against my side and wrapping a possessive arm over my chest.

Just before my eyes fluttered shut, I saw movement below my face. I kept them open long enough to see his pinky presented to me and a knowing look in his eyes. “Everything will be alright as long as we have each other,” Spencer offered.

And despite our bad history with promises, I had no reasons left to doubt that one.

—————————————————

| Part 21 |

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yeahhiyellow · 3 years

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19, 22 and 23? :^)

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Tbh there are a lot of things I hate, although by this point it's only very certain parts of the fandom that have these problems, since most of the shitty people have lost interest by this point. If I had to choose just one thing though, it'd be the overwhelming focus on white, male characters over female and/or characters of color. And there are a lot of areas where this shows up. One major example is that a lot of people like the idea of Connor, Hank, Gavin, and Nines (all white, male characters, mind you) staying at the DPD even after:

The DPD was the one (along with Cyberlife) responsible for the deaths, arrests, and brutal treatment of androids, the main oppressed group in the game's world

Connor and Nines are a part of that oppressed group, and at least Hank is shown in game to support them

Connor has already worked at the DPD and was routinely called an "it" (which as someone who is nonbinary and has been called "it" knows how insulting that can be and understands the need to get away from situations where that happens), was allowed to be sent to his death by, and was routinely harassed and nearly murdered, or in some playthroughs actually murdered, by workers at the DPD (*ahem Gavin ahem*)

Hank (if he is your friend) risked his career just to cause a distraction for Connor to keep him alive

Just because the android revolution was successful doesn't mean the DPD was going to follow that. I mean, the androids were heavily compared to African Americans in this game, and we all know how the current police system treats them (and if you don't, pay attention to the news, like, ever. Also read Jim Crow as that book is very informative on the oppression of blacks in the entire incarceration system as well as before and after that)

So I hope it would be pretty obvious to any sane person that suggesting these characters would join/remain in the DPD after everything is offensive on all sorts of levels.

In addition to that, you also have some people saying that they only cared about Connor's story, or that his was the only good one. The female protagonist that risks her own life several times to save that of a child (no matter if she is human or android)? Not important. The (half) black protagonist who is shot by police, has to rebuild himself, and leads his own people to freedom? Who cares? The only important story to these people is the white, male, cop android who spends most of his time hunting down the good guys. And if some people honestly prefer Connor's story because of their own reasons, that's fine. And yes, Kara and Markus's stories have lots of problems. But Connor's does too, and none of this gives people an excuse to ignore the other characters, especially since they are the minority characters. Then, there are also the people who say Connor's machine path was better than his deviant path, or that him being replaced by Nines in the end was unfair. And... what the fuck??? I mean, I get it, it's fun to play through different options, and Connor is hella badass in the machine path. But he is also hella badass in the deviant path (killing the guards in the elevator, possibly the team at the bottom if he doesn't catch the security camera, fighting Sixty, walking in front of all the androids he freed, like, come on), and he also, like, has morals and isn't oppressive??? In the machine route, he kills his own people, including those who just want to be free and might have been completely pacifist the entire way through. So I'm sorry, anyone who thinks his machine path is better is just looking for an excuse to be oppressive without openly admitting it.

Then there's the Gavin apologizers. While fanon Gavin is awesome, some people have way overstepped the line of redemption and allowing oppression. I've seen posts defending Gavin's in-game behavior, just because he refers to androids as "he" on occasion. This is despite:

Suggesting "roughing up," or being violent to Shaolin (the HK400 in "The Interrogation")

Insulting his partner, Chris, when he doesn't forcibly move Shaolin against Shaolin's will

Pointing a gun at Connor after Connor rightfully says to stop touching Shaolin for both succeeding the mission and for Shaolin's sake, and only stepping down after Hank points a gun at him and even after insults Connor

Punching Connor right in the thirium pump regulator and then pushing his head right where his LED is in the break room if Connor refuses to get him a coffee

Insulting and threatening Connor in the same scene even if Connor follows all of his demands

Insulting Hank's alcoholism in the Eden Club "it's starting to stink of booze in here"

Purposely pushing Connor to the side in the same scene

Trying to literally murder Connor and admitting he'd wanted to kill him ever since he first saw Connor, sometimes successfully

Both physically and verbally assaulting Connor

I forgive very easily and strongly believe in redemption, don't get me wrong. But trying to excuse Gavin's behaviors is so inexcusable, especially when most of his aggressions are towards androids, the oppressed minority.

Now, let's look at Ao3, shall we? Let's see how many fics posted there are with each of the "main" (including Gavin and Nines since even though they are not main characters in canon they are in fanon) characters... (also, keep in mind, I gathered this data about a month ago so it might not be completely up to date):

Connor: 16,150

Markus: 5,395

Kara: 1,504

Hank: 13,135

Nines: 9,807

Gavin: 9,939

Amanda: 1,177

Chloe: 1,521

North: 3,056

Simon: 3,192

Josh: 1,965

Alice: 1,098

Luther: 848

Rose: 193

This means that certain characters get unequal amounts of attention:

White: 59,042

Black: 9,578

Male: 60,431

Female: 8,549

White, Male: 52,223

White, Female: 7,179

Black, Male: 8,208

Black, Female: 1,370

Well, this says a lot. Now, some people reading this might realize that there are more white and male characters to begin with, so it could be fair even with their numbers being higher. So, okay, let's see the average amount of works a single character in each of the above categories would have (so divide each of the values by the number of characters in that category) (also I rounded to the tenth place aka first decimal point):

White: 6,560.2

Black: 1,915.6

Male: 7,553.9

Female: 1,424.8

White, Male: 10,444.6

White, Female: 1,794.8

Black, Male: 2,736

Black, Female: 685

If anything, these are even more telling. And if you don't believe me, look on Ao3 and calculate these yourself, because you'll get the same thing.

To be clear, I don't have anything against Connor, Hank, or any of the white and/or male characters. I even like the way that the fandom has redeemed Gavin. But the fandom has not done the same job of redeeming other characters, especially the minority ones, and pays way less attention to them, and that needs to be called out with evidence by someone.

Anyway, I spent a LONG time on that first question, so I'll try to make the next answers shorter!

22. Popular character you hate?

There aren't any popular characters that I thoroughly hate. The only characters I hate are ones that are already highly unpopular (Todd, Zlatko, Perkins). If we're talking canon characters, I do hate Gavin with a flaming passion. I mean, he is meant to represent police brutality. But fanon Gavin is cool with me, so I'm not sure exactly how much this counts.

There is one semi-popular character that I dislike though, and that is Kamski. I'm half-counting him again because within the fandom there are very mixed opinions. I personally dislike him mainly because of his treatment of one of his Chloe's: he is willing to let her get shot in the head and killed just to find a dumb answer to his Kamski test just because he feels like it. If Connor doesn't shoot Chloe, he tells Connor he's deviant, knowing full well that Amanda and Cyberlife are watching being the one to design the program, endangering Connor. While he arguably is responsible for deviancy and wants androids to succeed, that doesn't make up for those facts.

Another character that half-counts is Daniel. There are mixed opinions within the fandom on him as well, with some arguing that he is only wanting to not get replaced and protect himself. However, since his first response was to kill the dad, and then he proceeded to shoot at least 3 more cops, killing 2, and hold Emma, the young girl he had been friends with for years hostage, even though she had nothing to do with his replacement. You can't argue that he didn't want to kill Emma and only used her as protection for himself, either, as there are multiple endings where he tries and sometimes succeeds in killing Emma, even when he is also killing himself. I'm not closed to a redemption arc for him, but his in-game actions are inexcusable. He's the one deviant who truly has no valid defense for his actions.

23. Unpopular character you love?

There are a few. I absolutely adore North, Josh, Adam, and Alice, even though the fandom has conflicted opinions on them. Then again, none of these characters are really considered unpopular, just not as popular as others with a select few that don't like them. With North, I've been in this fandom since a few months after its release, when there was a lot of North hatred, and was actually in a group called the North Protection Squad lol. However, now most people like her, and she's really grown in popularity. With Josh, it's less that he's hated, and more that he's ignored. People say that Simon was the peaceful option when he was really the neutral, and recently I've seen more people against Josh's opinions on the revolution. While I don't always agree with Josh being so passive and undemanding (neither do I agree with North's violence), he's still an awesome character with some very valid points. Then, I do understand why some people dislike Adam, as at first he's against androids and almost reveals Kara and the others. However, if you meet him at the border crossing, he apologizes to Kara and changes his mind, promising to help androids. While he may start out scared and not on the right side, he does have a good heart and ends up making the right decisions in the end. With Alice, I haven't seen many people hate her, either, although I have seen some saying she's annoying and lacks a personality. I agree that she lacks a personality, although I argue that's the writers' faults rather than her character's (as are problems with other characters, I mean David Cage wrote this so what were we expecting). I also don't think she's annoying, as after all she is only 9 (in human terms), doesn't admit she's an android because she's scared Kara will reject her (and Kara actually can reject her for being an android, leaving her completely on her own in a world that wants her dead. Also, living her whole life with Todd can absolutely not help her feel more secure with who she is or make her trust Kara to still love her for it), and she is only cold and feels sick because her model of android is literally designed to replicate human sickness and discomfort (and it's clear she doesn't know how to turn them off, because even after Kara knows she's an android Kara still has to help Alice not feel cold anymore. Also, this is November in Detroit, in which the average temperature is 42°F (5.6°C). There are also scenes where it is snowing, meaning the temperature is below freezing. Still, despite the temperatures, in some scenes not having a coat, and feeling sick, she says Kara and Luther can't stop because of her, risks her life to save Kara's if you fail QTEs, and says she's "fine" even when she's cold to comfort Kara. So if you think she can be annoying, yeah, all 9-year-olds can be. But if you think she's annoying enough to actually hate her, idek what to say).

In terms of characters that are really unpopular, I actually like Leo. His actions at first are inexcusable. I mean, accusing Carl of loving an android more than hin, insulting Markus and treating him as less than human, threatening him, breaking into Carl's house and attempting to steal his paintings for drug money, and framing Markus for Carl's death leading to him getting shot and nearly killed are obviously not okay things to do. However, he is clearly on drugs, specifically red ice, the most dangerous drug in the world. Also, if you decide to push Markus leading Carl to still be alive, when you return to Carl's house, you can find a message Leo sent to Carl in which he apologizes for everything and promises it won't happen again. In the extras section, you also find out Carl missed out on Leo's whole childhood, only first meeting him once he was much older. Given that Carl spends all of his days pleasantly conversing with Markus while ignoring Leo, not calling him, only talking to Leo once he comes around himself, and doesn't even argue when Leo says Carl doesn't love him, it's almost fair that Leo thinks the way he does. Since he's also high on drugs throughout the story, at least up until Markus gets shot, we also know that the Leo we see isn't the real Leo. Later, if Carl is dead and Markus visits his grave, he encounters Leo again. This time, when Leo sees Markus he is only shocked. Now, off of red ice, not only is he going to see Carl's grave, expressing love for his father, he also doesn't try to hurt Markus, insult him, or anything mean or dehumanizing. His expression lacks any signs of aggression. It was only when he was high that he was such an asshole. Although that doesn't excuse his behavior, it does give a reason for it, and by the end I consider him redeemed.

~~~

Wow... that was a long response to a very short ask. No need to read all that (although I would highly suggest reading my first answer, at least, since that does contain some very relevant points). Although then again, if you've made it here, you've probably already read all that. In which case I would love to hear your opinions if you're willing to share (as well as anyone who sees this!) I guess I just had a lot of opinions that I needed to put out in the world lol, so thank you sm for the ask!!!!! 💛💛💛

#dbh #dbh meta #dbh analysis #my opinions #asks #detroit: become human #racism #misogyny #abuse

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dented-nado · 3 years

Note

So a little bird told me you were taking Sebwill prompts. I thought I should take advantage of that! May I request something along the lines of SebWill superheroes/villains? Maybe they are mortal enemies by day, and lovers by night?

This is such a perfect combination of my interests, I am so damn here for it. I hope you enjoy it!

This ended up a little long, oops! Lol! I also absolutely kind of made a soup of DC hero/villain origins and mixed them together for this lol. Bonus points to anyone who can spot every one that I made a reference to! :D

==================================

Years ago, William had hid in his room after a horrible day. He was only about 15, wishing he could just fly away and leave.

Then… suddenly he found himself lying on his ceiling. It had taken him several long moments of panicking to realize he wasn’t dreaming, longer to realize he could move around as he wished.

And so… he opened his bedroom window, and left home, never to look back.

Anyone who knew him now would be shocked to find that at one point, William T. Spears who stood so straightly and kept every bit of him tidy and proper… had once been a scruffy, scrawny little teenage meta-human wandering the streets of London, getting into trouble and being chased by the authorities trying to take him into and orphanage or foster care… or worse, back home.

William had learned to live off the streets. At a certain point he had even gotten a little cocky, he was so fast that no one would even see him as he stole whatever he needed or wanted. He’d lead cops on a wild goose chase into alleyways that he knew like the back of his hand, only to float away to the rooftops out of sight.

He didn’t really make friends either. He mostly just had a small pack of birds that he split some of the spoils from his day out with when they came to the cracked window of the abandoned flat he had hid in.

He had always heard of heroes… saving the earth from threats both domestic and extra-terrestrial. Hell, he had seen one of them blast through London. On one hand he was curious, if maybe he and that super-being came from similar origins. But on another hand… he couldn’t help but resent the whole idea of heroes.

They certainly never protected kids like him.

That was the first time William had a sort of haunting thought. He had escaped because… he just happened to have these abilities that he still didn’t know the origin of… how many kids out there weren’t so lucky that weren’t being saved??

Well… maybe he could save them but, well when he looked around himself this was a fine nest for himself, but more than one person? Potentially kids even younger than him? How would he even look after them? He was 17 now… maybe he could pass as 18 if he cleaned up a bit, then maybe if he had enough money by then he could buy a better place and own it himself. How much did houses cost? It couldn’t be that much if lots of adults had them right?

He’d start stealing things to sell, he decided. He could get away with it, surely.

Well, his plan had fallen short, when he had been caught, stealing the tires off a rather fancy car since he was sure he could sell them for quite a bit.

The presumed owner of said car seemed oddly amused and calm at a scraggly un-kempt seventeen-year old stealing the tires of her car.

It was then another person came around the corner rambling on her phone, she seemed almost the same age as William, though maybe a little younger. She stared at William and who William now supposed was this young lady’s mother.

William decided now was the time to up up and away out of there, only suddenly, in a red blur, the young girl had jumped up and pulled him back down, she was fast… almost as fast as him.

“Excuse you! You can’t just steal our tires and go!” She scolded.

William had tried to escape, he’d found it easy to lift incredibly heavy objects including cars above his head, but now he couldn’t seem to pull her arms off him.

“Let me go!” He demanded.

“Now young man…” The girl’s mother said patiently. “How about you land yourself right back down on the ground and we can see about helping you out so you aren’t out here on the streets stealing tires.”

William glowered distrustfully, still thrashing in frustration as the young redheaded girl pulled him back down to the ground.

“If you haven’t noticed… we’re like you. We can help you… if you replace the tires and calm down.”

William had bit his lip. He didn’t trust this strange red-headed mother and daughter pair but then again… maybe… it would be nice to meet other people like him.

Begrudgingly he had put the tires back on quickly, and hesitantly sat in the back seat of the vehicle beside said girl who had been grinning at him since she had pulled him down to the ground.

“I’m Grell, what’s your name boy?”

William stared at her like she had grown horns for a moment before finally answering, realizing he hadn’t said his own name in a while.

“William.”

“William… you’d be rather handsome if you cleaned up a bit.” She teased with a small giggle.

It was that decision that led him to where he was now. It turned out he had been picked up and adopted by a very, very wealthy family that practically owned half the city. He learned he was a meta-human, and certain supernatural genetics had caused his abilities to develop. While he had flight and a decent amount of strength down, he eventually found his most key ability was telekinesis, allowing him to move around almost anything with solid mass with his mind.

Grell seemed to have both flight and strength as he did, but she also was far faster than him and caused fire to ignite out of thin air. It suited her red hair and personality perfectly in his mind.

Grell and him also saw rather eye to eye on using their meta-human abilities to give more attention to the people trapped in bad homes that needed saving and she became a pseudo-sister to him. He found out her mother had taken Grell when she was only 9 years old and run away with her in the middle of the night. Running far away from the father who had treated them both poorly. Then, Grell’s mother had been lucky enough to find love, not even knowing she was going to be marrying into a vast amount of money, but that had certainly been a nice bonus.

Outwardly of course, they were both celebrities of sorts, especially when they turned 18, they became public figures. Grell flourished happily in the spotlight. William on the other hand… could handle being polite and interacting with others at important events, but he really did hate all the attention – he was relieved when… at night, him and Grell would dawn garments to hide their well known identities, and would do the vigilante style work of trying to find and save kids from bad situations, feed those who needed it, and punch a few robbers and other criminals on the way if it served them.

William did sort of understand the superhero dilemma more now. It seemed as if something was always happening that would distract from the “smaller” work. He had been more than frustrated when a man… no…a demon it seemed that controlled and moved through the shadows decided to make William his arch nemesis. There was no clue to who this man causing chaos could be. His entire face was covered, not only making it seem as if he had no facial features, but it also made William wonder if there was a man under there how he saw or breathed with that thing on. It was also clear when this villain spoke he had some sort of voice filter on that scrambled the tone of his voice, causing it to sound garbled and off-putting.

His only solace between the stress of his daytime persona, and his ‘night job’ – was the boyfriend he had managed to be with despite at all. Sebastian Michaelis. They had met at a gala, and despite himself, after one dance, William could already feel himself being swept off his feet by the raven-haired man with a mischievous glint in his eyes. And so… after that, he had made a point to see him. Grell had teased him that he was absolutely head over heels for the gothic man that stuck out like a sore thumb against the light colors most of the people at gatherings tend to wear. Sebastian was dashing in his own right… and well, William had been called “Goth lite” by Grell as well as their mutual friend Ronald Knox. So they had something in common.

It wasn’t long before William had to admit he was head over heels for Sebastian, and they had begun their romantic outings. Of course their relationship eventually got media attention, they couldn’t go on dates for long without someone recognizing them. Somehow though, while it seemed Sebastian was also someone who reveled in the spotlight much more than William, the way Sebastian would hold him or rub his back soothingly made him feel more confident in handling such attention.

After about a year and a half of dates and nights spent together, William officially asked Sebastian to stay with him in his apartment. It was more of a condo than an apartment, but William didn’t like that word much. It was one of the properties that had been gifted to him that hadn’t been turned into a high-quality rescue shelter for children.

William… hadn’t told him about his night life yet, and Sebastian always seemed to take his word for it. It wasn’t he didn’t trust Sebastian, in fact he was beginning to feel as if he’d do just about everything for this man. Yet… well, vigilante-ing was dangerous business, even if you could fly and move things with your mind. He swore he’d tell Sebastian about his night life well before they got married.

But for now… he enjoyed moments like this, laying on top of him while they slept, ear pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat for comfort. Sebastian would often run his hand through William’s hair, effectively petting him until the stern man slept. He didn’t want these quiet, comforting moments to ever end….

…and he’d be damned if he let any sort of super-villain or threat come between them.

#sebawill #sebwill #au #hero au #villain au #hero x villain au #prompt fill #writing prompt fill #sebastian x william #black butler #kuroshitsuji #sebastian michaelis #william t spears #tw #tw for past abuse mention #no detailed descriptions or flashbacks though.

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chocochar · 4 years

Note

Hi I would like to request a scenario with the female reader having a fire eater quirk where she can eat flames and spit it back out 10 times hotter. The only trick is she can't produce her own flames. I would picture this reader as a delinquent who spray paints but isn't an actual villain till dabi notices her. End it as you like. Cheers ❤❤❤

(AN: I think people are catching on that I like writing for Dabi.... lol Anywaaays so this took a different direction than intended. It also was waaay longer than expected too XD but yeah, I hope it’s okay! Reader is 18, a senior in school)

(F/n) pants as she rounds another corner, running as fast as she can. She holds a spray can in one hand and a black mask hides her nose and mouth, her (hair color) hidden by a beanie and the teen dressed in a black hoodie and jeans to help her hide if she finds an alley she can slip into.

"Get back here, you punk!!" She hears the policemen behind her shout and she picks up the pace, her legs growing tired and lungs screaming for air but the student keeps running. No one tries to stop her, although they probably figure the cops will catch up eventually and they don't need to get involved.

Fortunately (F/n) has come to know these streets like the back of her hand, so slipping down an alleyway she yells back,"Come on, move a little faster!" She can hear there footsteps growing more and more faint as she turns corner after corner starting to slow down herself. Finally she slips between two dumpsters, kneels, and makes herself as small as possible with her hood hiding her face. They're coming, but clearly they don't have a clue where she went when they turn down this alley, panting and ready to give up.

"Damn, where did that kid go?"

"I swear I saw them come down here," one replies, the two looking around and getting ready to pass the dumpsters. "Damn kids, spray painting a business." They stop in front of her a couple feet from her, and she stiffens wondering if they found her.

'Cops can be blind, but if they see me I'm gonna have a real rough time getting away this time...' She can only see their shoes under the hood but they haven't turned to face her yet so maybe not. She can hear a third set of footsteps coming from the other side of the alley ahead of them, the shoes tapping on the pavement with a slow pace.

"Hey, you, you seen a kid running through her, dressed all in black, wearing a mask?" The first cop asks the third person to show up; slowly and carefully (F/n) starts raising her head to get a better look at them since they appear distracted. She freezes seeing the immediate fear on the men's faces when the unknown person gets closer.

"W-Wait a sec, you're-"

She jolts back in shock when suddenly bright, blue flames begin engulfing the two men and more than half the alley.

'Wh-What the hell-?!' The teen presses as far back against the wall as possible feeling the heat licking at her face from the intense blaze and watches as one cop manages to use his quirk to deflect them long enough for him to run, his partner already a charred crisp on the concrete. The flames disperse and once the cop is gone and the third set of footsteps start up again, coming this way. (F/n)'s heart is pounding and she feels fear building the closer this murderer gets; they probably don't even realize she's there, and wracking her brain for information judging by the flames color, intensity, and their targets the person must be-

"Pigs, always gotta make a fuss when they see us," a deep, rough voice speaks up breaking her train of thought and she looks up wide eyed when the unknown man steps into view; Dabi, from the League of Villains! She is silent, starting to shake when he stops and turns his head looking down at her. His intense stare and the way his blue eyes seem to almost glow in the shadowed alley, and the expression she can't read. For this moment she forgets how his quirk won't harm her and only stays still, hoping he'll just keep walking and ignore her. She may be considered a delinquent but a villain is still a villain, even if his quirk can't harm her he's still bigger than her and can overpower her if things got physical.

Fortunately he only says,"Guess I found you, not like they're looking for you now, though." before he looks ahead and keeps walking, passing the corpse without a glance and stuffing his hands into his pants pockets. She cautiously peeks out and watches him leave, her shaking ceasing but the girl not moving until she can't hear the click of his boots anymore.

When he's gone she stands and gives a look at the body, swallowing. She didn't know this would happen, but it still doesn't help the sick feeling settled in her gut as she rushes out of the alley just as sirens are heard.

[X][X][X]

A week has passed since what happened and (F/n) can't seem to get it out of her head.

The fire, the death, the intense gaze, they won't leave her mind and even when trying to focus in school (which she doesn't focus much normally) she keeps looking back on that day. She did feel bad for the cop, even at certain points blaming herself despite knowing his death had nothing to do with her. But the main thing on her mind is Dabi.

What if he comes to find her and kills her too to get rid of a witness or something?

He's apart of such a dangerous villain group, why would he let some trouble making kid off the hook? (F/n) has had run ins with the cops before, and while the other cop managed to survive he's been in the hospital in severe, life threatening conditions so they haven't been able to get anything out of him. Her quirk is known by the police, they wouldn't believe her, and worse may try to pin it on her. Maybe he assumed that. Or she just wasn't worth the effort.

This mixed with her dad's drinking getting worse she's left with little to nowhere to turn, and almost considers running away or moving in with her grandparents.

Either way she's been watching her back more than usual, avoiding alleys for now just in case. Who knows what he'll do if they come across each other again.

[X][X][X]

"(F/n), why the hell did you choose there to tag?!"

It's been 3 weeks since the incident, and (F/n) and her friend Hide are out tagging again. The two decided to spray paint the side of a very popular hero store, and now are once again running from a few police who were out on patrol.

"You do know we could run into heroes right? Did you think about that?!"

"We've almost lost them, Hide, here you take that way I'll go this way," she points, the two reaching an intersection. (F/n) goes right and Hide takes off left, the (brunette, red head, etc) running as fast as she can and luckily finding an alley entryway ahead right when she rounds the corner. 'I should be able to lose them in there!' She thinks, turning in and looking for a hiding place or ladder she can use to hide up on the buildings.

But it seems she's made a grave mistake when her eyes meet very familiar cerulean. He's using his flames again, this time on some local gangsters judging by their clothes. Two piles of ash sit side by side on the concrete while the rest manage to run while he's distracted by her showing up. Dabi is staring at her, only this time his face shows more expression. He looks pissed, his brows furrowed and flames flickering over his right cheek and from his right elbow down to his fingertips. She's not shaking this time, but she still is frozen under his intense gaze as he faces her, his hand now covered in the blue fire.

"You really don't have any other strategy, do you? Stupid kid," his voice is gruff and lacking emotion like before but there's a hint of something dangerous mixed in and lifting his hand he smirks. "And here I thought letting you go last time wasn't a bad idea, but sounds like you brought more cops this time too. Guess I'll have to take care of you this time before we run into each other again."

(F/n) doesn't have much time to react when fire bursts from his palm aimed for the teen but luckily she breaks out of her frozen trance and pulls her mask down revealing her lips and face. Just as the fire reaches her she starts sucking it into her mouth, every inch being pulled into her mouth and filling her up. Dabi stops and actually looks taken back, his smirk gone and eyes suspicious. "You eat-?"

Before he can finish she puffs her cheeks and his eyes widen, the man jumping out of the way behind a dumpster just in the nick of time as this time fire blasts past where he's hiding. She blows the fire out of her mouth like a dragon as it makes an 'o' shape, it not being as widespread as his own but he can feel how much hotter it is, having to cover himself behind his coat just to make sure his skin doesn't get worse or burn off completely. When it disappears he peers out, still processing this girl's quirk. It's.... Powerful and deadly, and works really well with his own.

The sound of her running causes him to jump to his feet and rush out of the alley, watching the teen run off.

He can hear the sirens in the distance as well as seeing people running, meaning it's about time to go, but he gives a second glance where (F/n) had ran off before disappearing back into the alley.

[X][X][X]

"You encountered that Dabi guy?!!" Hide exclaims, the two at (F/n)'s apartment eating snacks and playing a multiplayer game together. He noticed how out of it she seemed when they met up, and now that she admitted what happened she's honestly wondering if he believes her or not.

"Yeah, this isn't the first time either," she says, having trouble concentrating on the game. Her dad will be home soon, she wants to leave before that but he'll just get made again. "I managed to use my quirk, though, caught him off guard."

"But like, isn't he a scary dude? He and the League? Aren't you scared?" Hide inquires, the boy watching her now and gauging her reactions.

She nods, then shrugs, setting the controller down. Without the hoodie the light bruising that's all but gone along with more recent marks on her wrists and arms is out in the open, the girl not hiding them when in front of Hide given he knows the culprit behind them.

"Yeah, but I doubt I'm worth that much trouble, they're probably too busy plotting more dastardly deeds," she laughs although it's light and almost forced. Hide sighs, patting her back, but hearing a car door slam she stiffens and he groans.

"Want me to stay? Or do you think he'll be okay today?"

She hates involving her friends in her personal things, especially when her dad is involved, so she shakes her head, forcing a smile and saying,"It should be fine, you should go home."

The night air is crisp and cold biting at (F/n)'s bare skin as she rushes through the dark streets. She didn't even bother with a jacket, a new bruise on her forearm and the girl biting back the tears threatening to fall.

'I hate him, so much, I just... I wish he'd just disappear! Why can't he see how he treats everyone?! Why mom left us?! Why-'

"Y'know, without that mask and get up you're actually pretty cute."

She stops abruptly and freezes up when that familiar voice hits her ears again. Slowly she turns around and watches as Dabi steps out from the shadows, hands in his pockets and his expression aloof as always. His eyes are scanning the girl until they land on her arms, the lighting from the stores making it easier to see the bruises. She's sure it was just a trick of her eyes but it almost looked like his own turned soft, or something like it, but she's sure her mind is just messing with her.

"Looking to kill me again?" She asks, facing him and while she's trying to stay strong he can already see how she's crumbling inside. "I didn't bring cops this time, but that doesn't matter, huh? You just want to take me out cause I'm a nuisance right?" Her tone has bite to it, while still being shaky with a tremble. But something tells him it isn't because she's scared of him.

Holding out her arms she exclaims,"Then do it, do it already! I won't stop you this time!" She waits for him to burn her to a crisp just like the others but is confused when he just rubs his neck and replies,"Keep it down already, do you want to wake up the whole neighborhood? I didn't expect you to be so noisy."

"You... Aren't you going to kill me? Isn't that why you're here?"

He shrugs, saying,"Keep being loud and I might, it'd be a shame to burn that pretty little face." But his words don't hold that same threatening tone like they did earlier that day, more like it's just an open threat. Her cheeks turn pink but she ignores it.

"Then I'm leaving-" She turns ready to keep going.

"Wait, dollface, I wanted to talk," he moves quickly stepping in front of her. They're only a foot away from each other now allowing her to smell the smoky scent on him and get a better look at his features, namely his scars, staples, and piercings. She takes a small step back in surprise and meets his hypnotizing orbs, also realizing he's.... Handsome, something she really couldn't admire before or ever think she'd have that sort of thought. Despite the scars and staples she feels her cheeks flushing, hell those add to his look; she almost wants to reach up and feel them, see if they really are real or not.

She shakes her head and misses what he says while scolding herself in her head,'He's a villain, and he tried to kill me, stop being weird!!' "Wh-What? What did you say?"

He narrows his eyes, not enjoying the way she's staring at him and even zoning out. To him she's most likely looking at his scars, whether that's a bad or a good thing he doesn't really care. But he lets it slide this time and repeats himself.

"I said, dollface, I'm here to talk to you about something important. To be honest the League would've probably kidnapped you either way, but judging by those something tells me that won't be necessary," he gestures to her arms, and even surprises her when he takes hold of the one with the newest bruise and starts looking them over more closely. "Been a while since I've seen something like this..." he mumbles to himself, not stopping her when she yanks her arm back and tries to hide them, brows furrowed.

"What did you need to talk to me about, and how important is it?" She asks without hesitation, her own wounds clearly being a touchy subject too. He puts his hands back in his pants pockets and stares at her, the teen shifting uncomfortably under the gaze of the beautiful cerulean.

"The League is looking to recruit you," these words completely catch her off guard and her eyes grow wide while her mouth gapes. "Well, it's more like I was for once impressed by someone not looking to be a hero so I decided to tell our leader about you. After he bitched about adding another to our pile of misfits he agreed it'd be beneficial to add you on." He waits for her response, watching her face for any change in reaction. Her mouth closes slowly and she looks down, her mind buzzing and the girl almost wondering if she heard him wrong. She had to right? Slowly the reality sinks in as to why he came looking for her, the fact he admitted he was impressed with her quirk was quite the surprise too. He definitely doesn't seem the type to hand out compliments often.

Looking back up she rubs her arm, biting her plump lip. Which he can't help but watch a little; she's cuter than he was expecting, and he oddly has this weird feeling stir in his chest when he looks at those marks all over her. They resonate with him, his own memories flooding through his mind, and while she'd be very beneficial to the League he now has other reasons for wanting to recruit her. He wants to learn more about her, get to know her, and show her how corrupt their society is. He also has this underlying feeling of protecting her, something he wouldn't do for anyone else but somehow this girl is different.

"And why should I go with you?"

"Because, sweetheart, we've been in the same boat as you. Mistreated, used, turned away when we needed help. This is a society full of falsehoods, corrupt bastards sitting on top, they care about you about as much as they did about the rest of us. And we want you to see that too," he states, before taking a step back and pulling his hand out of his pocket, holding it out for her to take. "I want you to see that. Come with me, and you won't have to worry about those ever again."

A smile comes to his lips, waiting for her answer.

(AN: Okay so like, this was way longer than intended, like 3000 words and counting, also I left it open ended for either a possible sequel or for the reader to decide. Also he’s totally not Touya in this lmao (〃￣ω￣〃)ゞ I hope it's okay, story also took a different direction too, hope Dabi wasn't OOC and hope you enjoyed lol)

#mha dabi #dabi x reader #dabi is a todoroki #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #angsty man #i love angsty dabi fics sorry lol

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suckysquid · 4 years

Text

I saw my high school bully on tinder and it brought up a bunch of old memories and I remembered the story of how I got the cops called on me after I got back to school from the psych ward lol

when I was 15, I was dealing with depression, eating disorders, and a few other problems. I felt I had no way out so I tried something I deemed the only solution, and ended up being hospitalized for about two weeks in the psych ward. I was put on new medication and given a new chance at life and I intended to make sure that I didn’t end up back in the hospital again. I made a list of all the people in my life and decided who was positively impacting my life and who was negatively impacting my life. I decided I needed to cut out more than half of the people I knew as a way to avoid certain triggers I knew would make me bad again. I went over the remaining people with a very close friend of mine in class one day and asked her opinion, who was a good influence and if there were people I didn’t recognize as being bad for me.

I threw away the paper I had written on and forgot about it almost immediately. I had blocked the people I wanted to and reached out to people I had pushed away, so the list I had made no longer mattered. A couple weeks pass and I get called to the counselors office one day. The school social worker, my academic counselor, the vice principal, and a police officer were standing there and my counselor handed me the paper I had thrown away. They looked nervous and a little angry and asked me if I knew what it was. I said yes, but I had thrown it away so I asked how they got the paper. My counselor looked at me and said “one of your classmates brought this to our attention, do you have any intention of shooting anyone on this list? Is this a kill list?” I felt the blood in my face drain and I told her absolutely not, I told them everything that had happened with the note and my friend and asked how they got to the conclusion that I would ever be able to hurt anyone else.

Apparently, one of the people in the class that I had gone over the list in with my friend had overheard us talking (mind you, I didn’t know this person but they knew someone who had been in my life. HOWEVER the person that they knew had been one of the people I cut off so that I could heal and better myself). they took the paper out of the trash can, made up a story about how I was going to be a school shooter and how I had schizophrenia and was psychotic and a bunch of things that weren’t even close to true seeing as I was suicidal, not homicidal. A group of people then took it upon themselves to inform as many of their friends as they could, teachers, counselors, anyone who would listen.

Once the group of people who decided to spread those rumors about me had told the counselor, the police were brought in and I was questioned. Nothing happened because the counselors and principal and police officer recognized that I posed no danger and that I had been falsely accused of something I had no intention of even considering.

Unfortunately, other students, and even teachers, didn’t feel this way and I lost a lot of friends. No one would talk to me, people stared and pointed when they saw me and I started to ditch school a lot. I picked up smoking cigarettes to distract myself but I would have a panic attack every single time I walked into school. I would see the big iron gates in between buildings and my heart would beat so fast I thought it might fall out of my chest. My hands were so shaky and clammy I thought that I was sick and had some terrible disease and was dying. I threw up any time I ate anything at school and I couldn’t look people in the eyes or talk.

I eventually switched schools and I stopped smoking completely a few months ago (I was addicted to smoking for around 5 years). I went to therapy and intensive outpatient and group therapy and DBT and EMDR and CBT, every kind of therapy and more medications than I can remember. I’m better now, I can handle things better and it still hurts a lot that people turned against me so easily and it’s made trusting people really difficult, but I have goals and aspirations now and I want to be alive to see tomorrow.

#bully #depression #lgbt #lesbian #anorexia #bulimia #ptsd #highschool #wlw #fuck my brain #mental illness #anxiety #mental hospital #psych ward

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ourownsideimagines · 5 years

Text

Love A Working Woman (Crowley x Fem!Reader)

Characters: Aziraphale, Fem!Reader, Crowley

Requested: Yes

Requested by: Anon

Point of View: Second Person

Summary: You’ve been working at the bookshop for a few months now, and you decide it’s time to confess to Crowley about how you feel.

Warnings: Minimal editing.

Words: 934

A/N: Hey, this one only had me up til 10:20 lol

---

You had known the Angel Aziraphale for quite a while. It had taken you a full month of pleading for him to hire you at his bookshop. He had been against the idea at first, insisting you could find better jobs. He reminded you continuously that he was never actually trying to sell the books, and after a bit of convincing you became his book disorganizer.

You were one of two people who knew where everything in the bookshop went. Aziraphale had his own little system which, in your opinion, wasn’t very difficult once you learned it. But it was utter chaos for anyone who didn’t.

There were certain books Aziraphale would have you move on a daily basis, some that were to be moved every other day, others on Tuesdays only. Very few books stayed put for very long, and those were usually ones that nobody had ever heard of, or really wanted. Less desirable editions of books Aziraphale kept in the back. Those books you were never allowed to move from his desk, or really touch unless you were trying to organize his clutter.

It only took a couple of weeks for Aziraphale to trust you alone in the shop. You had become an expert in avoiding sales - it was one of the many perks of working for Aziraphale. In all of your retail experience you’d never had the genuine pleasure of denying a customer what they most wanted. What brought you the most joy was when one of the regulars he’d warned you about came in and attempted to trick you into selling the book for way less than it was actually worth, and you would kindly tell them that “Mr. Fell” had priced the book as way higher than he had actually priced it at. That seemed to ruffle a few feathers.

It was in your second month of working for him that you met Crowley. You’d thought he was a persistent customer at first when he’d forced his way into the back room. You’d practically screamed at him to leave, even threatened to call the cops. But you had quickly realized that he, like Aziraphale, was not what he seemed at all.

“Why do I seem to attract the supernatural?” You’d asked Aziraphale one evening after helping close up. He’d hummed in consideration before shrugging.

“I’m unsure. But it is fairly strange, I might say. I’ll be honest when I say I’d hoped you wouldn’t meet him - at least, not this soon.”

“Why’s that?”

“Crowley can be… a bit much.”

And a bit much he was. He came in a lot more often after your first encounter. He seemed to enjoy coming into the shop and lazing in the back room, as if to taunt you. At first he had gotten on your nerves, but much like mold on bread he had grown on you - suddenly and unfortunately.

You were well into your third month of working for Aziraphale when you decided that, yes, you liked Crowley. You really liked Crowley and it was starting to distract you. You’d had more than one customer yell at you because you’d been to distracted by the demon, or the thought of the demon.

You decided it was time to get it out of the way, regardless of how he might feel about you. He probably thought you were another strange human. But if you were going to continue to work at the shop, you’d have to tell him. And with all the bills you had, and all the loans you had to pay off, you desperately need the job. You’d never been paid better, and it was a job you loved.

So you’d decided to close up while Aziraphale was out (you knew he wouldn’t mind, he didn’t have an actual schedule), and prepare yourself to confront Crowley and admit to your feelings.

You had been pacing the pack room for fifteen minutes when you heard the front door open.

“(Name)? Aziraphale?” Crowley called out. You took in a deep breath, and brushed off your outfit, muttering reassurance to yourself before exiting the back room. “Ah, there you are. I was worried I might have broken in for nothing.”

“We need to talk, Crowley.” You weren’t going to beat around the bush. If you didn’t do it right then, you weren’t going to do it at all.

“We do?”

“Yes,” You nodded. “About me and you.”

“What about… You and I?” He asked cautiously. You let out a deep sigh, eyes screwed closed before you opened them again, bringing them to stare into the dark lenses of his sunglasses.

“I like you Crowley,” You spilled. “A lot, actually. As in, like-like, and it’s… It’s distracting.” You weren’t sure if he was surprised or not. There hadn’t been much change in his expression, and you wondered what emotions were hidden in his eyes. “Look, I understand you don’t feel the same about me, but I needed to get this out there because if I didn’t I was going to explode-”

Crowley surged forward, cupping your cheeks in his hands and bringing your face closer to his own. There was a tense moment where your eyes widened, and you held in your breath, hands grasping his wrists, but not trying to pull away. You could feel his warm breath of your face. Then, he spoke.

“You talk too much.” He murmured before pressing his lips down firmly on your own.

Great, you thought as you kissed him back, almost all your worries melting away. Now I’ll be even more distracted on the job.

#good omens #good omens x reader #crowley x reader #crowley x fem!reader #crowley x reader good omens #crowley x fem!reader good omens #x reader #x fem!reader #reader insert #reader insert good omens #my writing #reese writes #the ineffable queue

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creativenicocorner · 4 years

Text

A Valentines to my Terpsichore readers! A ch13 Sneak Peek of that one 1920′s speakeasy scene I was goofing about a while back.

Initially I wanted to try and have another spicy Avium and Apium chapter out for the 14th buuuuut that didn’t happen lol and I’m very excited to have reached past a section I was having a mild block on!

So why not share! No? (I have no more self control dknlksnfg)

A soft reminder that this fic is rated Mature

It isn’t lovey-dovey or anything, but it does hint at a few future plot-points that will be discussed more in ACT II (Especially regarding Nomura, and the shenanigans that unfold in the 20′s)

Enjoy! （´・｀）♡

The tawny haired reedy fellow barked an order, some last ditch effort, and a gent in overalls started to fumble towards the bar. He slid away from Enoch’s grasp like a tiny vespa cutting in front of a double decker bus, and nearly tackled Stricklander - but instead slipped on a few peanut shells and landed face first into Krax’s fist.

“Pity.” went Stricklander, finishing his drink, “I’ll have another Leon, I fear this is going to be a rather long night.”

Another member of the tawny haired fellow’s group started to come Stricklander’s way.

“I must say I’m disappointed.” said Stricklander, voice ringing a bit louder despite the obstruction of the pipe, “Coming into my establishment, with a promise made to follow certain house rules. I keep this place open for all, and this is my repayment?” he said, more for the humans in earshot.

Stricklander then sidestepped raised his arms and pushed the charging goon into the bar counter. A great racket and breaking of glass followed.

Johnson inched further away head sinking into his collar like a turtle into his shell, and Leon tutted at the mess.

Stricklander stepped forward with ease, picked up the goon by his hair, and feeling the eyes of the speakeasy on him he said, “This is a sacred place built on secrets and promises.”

The goon groaned, spitting through his teeth while trying desperately to get his bearings straight.

“Consecrated ground. Sanctified by the very spirits you drink.” Stricklander then reached for his glass of whiskey, paused, and reached for a gin bottle instead - smashing it over goon’s head.

The goon whimpered. Leon hissed even more, thinking of the clean-up he’d have to do later.

“And when those promises start to break,” continued Stricklander grabbing the goon’s bloody head, “what then?” Despite the calm of Stricklander’s voice, fury gripped him as he bashed the goon’s head against the bar counter again, and again.

“What?”

Bash

“Then??”

Bash

-BANG-

All was silent.

Stricklander’s ears were ringing. He let go of the goon, barely watching as he crumpled to the floor fractured skull and all.

The gun was still smoking as Stricklander dragged his eyes to and from the gun and the hole in the wall.

Stricklander frowned. With a disappointed drawl he pointed to the hole with his pipe, “You missed, mate.”

The tawny headed leader’s chest was heaving.

“Am I to believe you’re the mastermind behind this tomfoolery?” asked Stricklander.

The tawny headed leader licked his lips and said, “I am.”

“Do names come with that honor?”

“It’s Jackson. Jack Mumford.”

And Stricklander’s smile stretched with a growing frost, “How do you do Jack Mumford. You have my attention,” he then gestured to the fellow patrons and changelings, “an audience, if you will.”

Mumford eyed Strickler’s coneys specifically, counting how many of his own men were either incapacitated or held. Licking his lips Mumford resembled a fox slowly realizing the chicken coop he was in wasn’t a chicken coop at all, but rather a den of wolves and lions.

“Well..” braved Mumford, “We’re- we’re here for your product.”

“The bar counter too much of a walk for you?” asked Stricklander dryly.

“We’re taking it.”

“Oh!” said Stricklander, shocked as drywall. “So it was the commerce factor that went over your head.”

“O-oh, Oh we know about commerce alright.” finger wagged Mumford, with a quick glance around to remind himself who was in arm’s reach of him. “We got your trade routes figured, and figured good. A-a-and unless you cooperate, we’re going to take em’, get the authorities-” Mumford paused and eyed some of the police that were in the speakeasy, and corrected himself with, “the right authorities, and once they’re notified we’re going to sell the product back with the cops none the wiser.”

A few changelings in the background shared looks, specifically how easily Mumford just explained his whole plan. Some wondered if this blatant display was hidden genius, or foolishness. Leon on the other hand, already started to clean up.

“Well” said Stricklander who held an impressed look a farmer would have with a plucked gourd they were about to carve, “aren’t you a regular Jonathan Wilde. Now is it possible you had your eye on any of my shipments today? Specifically the eastbound product that is technically about to head northwest via a transfer that had a specific amount of delays?”

“Well…um..”

“If so, you’ll be disappointed to know we managed to deal with those delays, which I can now confirm were caused by you and the rest of your,” Stricklander paused, not so much to search for the right word, but relish in the delay, “friends…no?”

Mumford gulped.

It was an affirmative answer as any to Stricklander, swishing his pipe like a cat’s tail before a pounce “I advise you to take a careful eye over the obituary column when you can, Mr Jack Mumford.”

Mumford’s eyes widened, his chest heaving as quickly as a trapped mouse. Again he gazed around to see how well encircled he was. It became clear to Mumford he wasn’t going to leave The House of Tutors without Stricklander’s permission.

“What you did today Mr. Jack Mumford was, well, not well advised to put it mildly, imbecilic to put it bluntly. You should probably think thrice the next time you want to enter an establishment of mine. You have and will face repercussions. It’ll be a hard lesson for you I’m sure.” nodded Stricklander, sympathetic as stone, “But most of life’s lessons are.”

Mumford stared. No one made a move forward towards him of any kind.

As if reading his thoughts Stricklander idly snapped his fingers, and the changelings holding onto Mumford’s men were released to stagger and or fall to the ground.

Mumford then gulped. “I..I can go? Me and my men?”

“Yes. Of course you may. But you will be followed.” Stricklander explained sensibly, then smiled as if the smile were an afterthought.

Stricklander then flung the knife at a table, which landed with a satisfying THWACK quickly followed by a shocked high pitched “Eep!”

Where did the knife come from? No one ever really knew with Stricklander - but he always had one somewhere, just when he needed it.

Stricklander pointed at the owner of the shocked mousey sound with a restrained snarl, “And you, little madam.” He was speaking to Nomura, who sunk back into her skin after the electricity of the shock faded. “My office. Now.” he said with a generic thumbing behind him for good measure.

With nearly the entire speakeasy watching her, Nomura rolled her eyes with all the petulance of youth. Frustrated she had been caught sneaking back in despite having done so in the chaos of the previous brawl.

It was then that Mumford had the misfortunate idea to try and use Nomura as a hostage.

Mumford sidestepped, pulled the knife from the table with one hand, and used the other hand to twist Nomura’s arm behind her back.

The speakeasy held their breath.

Stricklander blinked, seemingly unimpressed and uncaring of Nomura’s fate.

A gaze Nomura herself believed as she leaned her neck away from the knife’s edge. A gaze that wouldn’t have fooled Otto if he were there.

“You really are thick.” said Stricklander.

“You ain’t gonna follow me, and if you do - she’ll get it.”

Nomura searched Stricklander’s eyes for any sign he’d intervene, but only a lack of concern was her response.

“Go on then. Get on with it.” sniffed Stricklander, eyeing his pipe casually before looking back at Mumford, and then Nomura specifically, “If you can manage, it’ll be quite the surprise for everyone. Hm?”

Nomura’s expression changed from frown to realization. This, before the changelings in the House of Tutors, was a chance to test her metal.

What Mumford believed as a dainty misfortunate flapper with an affinity towards warm purple colors, Stricklander saw something entirely else. After all this wasn’t the 1800s anymore.

Mumford furrowed his brows in disbelief, “What kind of cold hearted sonofabitch-?!?!”

Mumford was interrupted by a sharp heeled dig into his foot that made him yowl like a coyote, a backwards headbutt that nearly broke his nose, and although the knife nearly scratched Nomura it fell out of Mumford’s hands and was caught by Nomura just as swiftly. Ending her capture with a smooth release of her restrained arm, and allowing it to rotate behind the distracted and pained Mumford to grasp the back of his tawny hair and shove his head into the table, pinning him with a force so strong Mumford never would have guessed Nomura had.

With her nostrils flared and her adrenaline spiking Nomura twirled the knife in her fingers, and was about to dig the blade into the back of Mumford’s neck, but stopped as Stricklander cleared his throat and said, “Miss Nomura?”

At the last second the knife redirected and landed by Mumford’s face and dug into the table, slicing his ear and cheek in the process.

Stricklander gave a patronizing clap, “Mark me as surprised. Aren’t you surprised Mr. Jack Mumford?”

Mumford whined.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” said Stricklander before ordering, “Empty his pockets.”

Nomura’s frown deepened, and did as she was told.

From his pockets she rested on the table Mumford’s two scraps of leather of a wallet, and an old pocket watch that had a bit of fuzz and hair caught in it.

As Stricklander approached the table, leaning forward to poke at Mumford’s things.

From Mumford’s wallet he took two dollars cash from the three dollars Mumford had to his name. “As payment for the broken glass.” Stricklander explained in a sensible tone that made Mumford sick.

Mumford struggled under Nomura’s remarkably strong hold. “You’re a rotten piece of work, you know that?”

“A fair assessment.” said Stricklander as he idly fiddled with the pocket watch.

The pocket watch clicked open, and from inside, like confetti, sprang a lock of dark curly hair in velvet string, and a picture of a young lady.

The lady was posed exquisitely. Deep lipstick, large glasses, a headband perhaps in silver, dangling earrings, and although her dress exposed her shoulders her décolleté was covered in low hanging necklaces that had the length to wrap around her neck three times. Her hand delicately posed on her palm.

Mumford winced as Nomura leaned forward to get a better look at the picture. If Mumford wasn’t too worried about his life, and the life of his love, he would have heard Nomura catch her breath.

Her young heart fluttered with a feeling of awe, admiration, and…something else, Nomura couldn’t pin the word for it…but it was a something she had been feeling in secret from the order. A secret shared between herself, and the Trollhunter’s son.

Whoever this young lady was Nomura wouldn’t mind trying out kissing with her. She equally wondered where she could get such lipstick.

And while the fair Nomura saw hearts and stars, Stricklander didn’t share the same reaction. Sure this young lady was pretty, but his cold gaze saw only tactics and unforeseen benefits.

“Does your sweetheart know where you are, sir?” asked Stricklander.

“N-Nancy? She ain’t got nothin to do with this! Nothin to do with this no how!”

Stricklander considered his words, nodding, as if appreciating poetry.

“Well…” he said with a well practiced smile as cold as a mirror’s surface, “I suggest you get back to your dear Nancy then. Hold her tight on this dark night. For if you continue on the course you are on now, well…” Stricklander took the time to savor re-igniting his pope, “It will be a very dark and cold night indeed. For you,” he waved off the flame of the ignited match, “and Nancy.”

Mumford struggled under Nomura’s hold, then finally relented. Making but a partial peace with his loss of face.

If he must swallow a dose of embarrassment to walk out alive, so be it. For his crew, for Nancy, he humbly lowered his head.

“Good.” chirped Stricklander. He pulled on his pipe with ease before exhaling a smokey, “Now off with yeh.”

Mumford and his friends scrambled out of the establishment in a hurry. Quickened feet, followed by swears echoed up the stairs. A few stumbles were also heard, especially by the ones carrying their friend with the fractured skull.

Stricklander’s eyes calmly followed them out, never leaving them as he leaned and whispered at Johnson, “Have them followed. And see what you can find out about Mumford and this, Nancy.”

Johnson nodded, and gestured to Leon to pass his bartending duties to the human employee and follow Johnson.

When Johnson and Leon left, the speakeasy’s ambiance felt as though the tension was easing. Conversation and drinking slowly returning with the sounds of clinking glass and pouring liquor.

Nomura looked around herself, no longer the subject of attention, and started to believe perhaps in all the confusion Stricklander might have forgotten whatever stern word he had planned for Nomura.

She started to side-step to the corners of the speakeasy, tip-toeing to a dark part of the speakeasy, when Stricklander snapped his finger at her sharply, and just as sharply thumbed at his office.

Anger and disappointment prominent on his features. There was no getting out of trouble today, not even after her display of strength with Mumford.

Nomura deflated her chest, and dejectedly walked towards Stricklander’s office already feeling her ears hurt with the talking to she was about to be given.

This was Stricklander to Krax. As warm as steel and twice as sharp.

And now…well…Krax wasn’t so sure…

“NOW THE DREADNOUGHT’S A-HOWLIN’ DOWN THE WILD IRISH SEA~ HER PASSENGERS MERRY~ WITH HEARTS FULL OF GLEE~”

Strickler’s incessant singing cut through Krax’s memory like a spike in a railway. He had reached the threshold to Strickler’s containment with a grumble and a small slosh of his water bucket.

Thank you for reading!

#Trollhunters #Tales of Arcadia #Toa Trollhunters #Terpsichore #Nico Writes #Walter Strickler #Stricklander #Strickler #Waltolomew Stricklander #Nomura #Zelda Nomura #Krax #changelings #that 1920s rumble feel #OCs #Original Characters a plenty #have I mentioned how much I can't wait to explore Nomura and Strickler's weird found family relationship? Cause I can't wait!!#ACT II OOOF

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fromthadiningtable · 5 years

Text

Get A Room Part 4

(Guys, I am so sorry this took so long!! Part 5 will not take as long I promise lol, but I hope you guys like it!!)

Part one, two and three

Warnings: language and mentions of drugs, some angst??? (I think)

You only waited about five minutes or so like you had allotted yourself before you decided you would go out there. You hadn’t heard any screaming or shouting from inside the bathroom but in quite the opposite way, it had quieted down. This was unusual, Tommy’s ex girlfriend hadn’t been around in months but when she was, it was usually a scene. There would always be yelling involved and maybe some pushing and then a very dramatic exit. He always seemed to like girls like that and it made you wonder why he would pick you. You weren’t the typical girl he always picked, especially in personality.

Shaking the thoughts that were coming to your head, you gathered yourself in the mirror before heading out of the bathroom door. You were a little messy from the makeout session you’d just had with your best friend but it would pass. You noticed down the hallway that the party really had died down. A few people had left and then some were passed out on the living room floor or couch. You didn’t see Tommy or Ashley or any of the other boys anywhere so you decided to search around. You found Mick in one of the bedrooms, sound asleep and he looked peaceful. They had to be outside, you thought, surely they wouldn’t just leave without you. You headed out of the door and sure enough, there was Tommy smoking a cigarette on the balcony while Nikki and Vince were trying to calm Ashley down below on the sidewalk. Tommy seems emotionless, taking long drags on his cigarette and observing the scene below. Ashley was looking up at him while talking to Nikki and Vince, daggers in her eyes and venom in her words.

After a moment, Vince rolls his eyes and steps away from the situation. “There’s no arguing with this chick man.” He scoffs and heads back inside the apartment.

“No, you know what Nikki? He always fucking does this. He always acts like I don’t know what I’m talking about and I’m just a crazy bitch, but he knows what he did.” Ashley spat out the words and was still eyeing Tommy. You realized there was no commotion in the house because they had taken her outside to avoid a scene. But as her tone rose and she grew angrier at the lack of Tommy’s reaction, neighbors started coming outside to see what was going on.

“Fuck,” Tommy muttered to himself as he noticed as well.

“Ashley, you have to go home.” Nikki said to her, not wanting the cops to get called for the second time this month.

“Why? Why does everyone always come to his rescue? He’s not some little baby like everyone thinks he is.” She was escalating quickly as Tommy just continued to stare into the distance, ignoring every word she said.

“Look I hear you, but bottom line you have to go home. It’s late man and we’ve got neighbors.” Nikki said and was handling himself very well considering it was like talking to a brick wall when it came to Ashley.

You just kept looking from person to person, not really saying anything in fear of any backlash or being dragged into the argument. After a few more digs and last words she finally stopped and headed down the street to her ride and you were all relieved that she didn’t go any further.

“Where do you find these chicks man?” Nikki asks, and bumps into you a little as he also headed inside.

Tommy smiled a little to himself and shook his head. You knew this fighting sometimes gave him a little thrill and he would usually have a shit eating grin on his face about it. He was a little a more subtle tonight and you wondered why. You scooted over on the balcony to get closer to him and ask for a cigarette.

He almost read your mind and pulled out his pack and put it next to you. You took one out and he had his lighter out ready to light it for you. You smiled a little to yourself and allowed him to light the cigarette for you. It was a small sign of chivalry, a sweet one at that.

“So, what was all that about?” You finally asked him after the moments of silence that had just occurred.

Tommy took in a deep breath and exhaled and finally told you. “Basically she’s pregnant and she’s saying it’s mine but we haven’t slept together in almost 7 months. So, it’s not mine and she’s crazy.”

You laughed a little at his response, he was so simplistic about it and genuine. It did concern you a little though. Sure, Ashley was crazy but crazy enough to falsely accuse him of being a father? It couldn’t be. However if what Tommy was saying was true, she’d be much further along in a pregnancy. You shook these thoughts because from their reactions, even Nikki and Vince didn’t seem convinced of what she was saying either.

“Yeah, you really know how to pick them.” You joke and take another drag from the cigarette in your hand.

Tommy gets much closer to you and whispers in your ear. “You seem to be forgetting what just happened in the bathroom.” His lips are barely ghosting the outside of your ear, painstakingly sitting there making no contact with your skin.

“I assumed you forgot.” You turned to him and smiled and then leaned in to kiss him. He pulled your arm to pull you closer to him and you put your arms around his neck. Your lips meet and it feels even better than it did before, he slips his tongue inside of your mouth and allow both of you to explore for a few minutes.

Tommy pulled away all of a sudden. “Wait wait,” He says and you’re already panicking at the loss of his lips on yours. “We have to keep this from the guys - for now.” He seemed worried they would walk out any moment and catch the two of you. You understood where he was coming from but it also felt like he wanted to hide it in a bad way.

“Just for now, okay? Let us get these next couple of shows out of the way before we tell them.” He assures you, noticing his previous words stung you a little bit. You nodded and decided it might be best, you didn’t want the other guys thinking you would distract Tommy during these crucial next few shows they had coming up. You also didn’t feel like dealing with their reactions to what happened when you were still trying to decide how you felt about it. Of course there were no regrets or bad feelings but more so some confusion and worry about what would happen now.

Tommy sensed your mood changing around this whole thing and rested his hand on your arm. He leaned in and gave you one more kiss on the lips. “It’ll be alright, I promise.” He says to you and you’re more relaxed after. He typically never promised if he didn’t mean it. You would just go with the flow and hope for the best and it would probably all work out.

The next night, the boys had a show at a popular club on the strip. These next few shows they had were important for their career. It could make or break them and you made the time to be there and show your support for your best friend. It was weird having this little secret between the two of you. Tommy would give you certain looks throughout the day that were hard to decode. It was usually followed by a smirk or a twinkle in his eyes. Whatever he did, it was making your heart flutter like you hadn’t felt in the longest time. It was surprising to you but also a good feeling and a welcome one.

Mötley Crüe did amazing, as per usual, you thought to yourself. The set list they had prepared was one of their best and they all used their talents and created art like people had never heard or seen before. You were so proud of all of them and watched from backstage as you practically beamed. Tommy would occasionally glance at you while drumming his heart out and give you a smile. Before their encore song, Vince ran back stage and stumbled slightly while getting to the dressing room. You noticed he must be drunk or high. Either way he was making a wreck of the dressing room, looking for god knows what.

“What the hell are you doing? Get back out there!” The stage manager looked frustrated as he yelled at Vince from the door way.

“Vince!” You called out, trying to get him back on stage before the audience got too antsy. He still didn’t listen so you went to the dressing room to try and drag him out.

“I can’t find my shit.” He said to you when you walked in. The drawers and the chairs and everything in the dressing room was strewn about without any care at all. You still didn’t know what he was looking for specifically but whatever it was, was the most important thing in the world to him at the moment.

“Just what exactly are we looking for?” You asked him, growing frustrated that he didn’t seem to care about the show having to go on.

He leaned in close to you so the stage manager wouldn’t hear. “It’s coke. I just need a little bump before the rest of the show.” He said quietly. You smacked him on the arm. “You need to get back out there! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

He looked back at you like a five year old who just gotten one of his toys taken away. “Now!” You said again, urgently so he would get the picture. Before you could even blink, Vince had his hand on the back of your head and he was kissing you. You immediately pulled away. You didn’t even know what had just happened but all you could do was stare back at him with your mouth open.

“I’ve been thinking about that night at Nikki’s, when we were on the couch,” he said, his eyes were hooded over and he seem slightly impaired. You were growing furious, at what he had just done and his need to waste time right now.

“I’m going to give you two minutes to get back out there before I freak out.” You say back to him, your cheeks growing red and the anger in your stomach eating at you. Why would he think that was okay? And now this was a secret you had to keep from Tommy or rather just tell him and have him hate you again.

Vince huffed once again and left the dressing room. The stage manager followed him out and you stood there in complete shock at the kiss he had just placed on your lips. What a complete idiot, you thought to yourself. Sure you guys had flirted maybe a week ago and you showed some interest but you thought Tommy had gotten the message across to him. The alcohol and the drugs probably gave Vince some courage to do it as well. Regardless, you were anxious about how it would go over with Tommy, if you would even tell him. It didn’t feel right at all.

After the show, everyone gathered at a local bar for some drinks. It was a bar not far from the club and the inside was dark and smoky with a band playing on a small stage. The bar had crazy colored lights behind it and the bartenders were working on drinks steadily. You felt weird being with the boys and the fact that Vince had just tried to make out with you back stage. You were going to have to tell Tommy but there was still the option of keeping it a complete secret. Luckily, Vince had picked up a girl after the show so he wasn’t going to be anywhere near you for the rest of the night. However Tommy would be and that kiss was all you could think of. You felt so guilty even though you didn’t welcome it, but you hated keeping secrets from Tommy especially when it was something he requested you not do at all.

You all headed to a round table on the side of the room with some chairs and sat around. A waitress headed over shortly and grabbed a drink order from everyone. You desperately wanted to crawl away from all of them and decide what you would do. You could never pass up a good time with the boys though, and you hoped maybe this would just distract you for the time being. Drinks were over to the table soon enough and you just continued to observe while everyone had a good time talking and discussing the next show and things they can do differently. Tommy noticed you seemed to be out of it and put his hand on your knee under the table, out of sight from everyone else. You smiled to yourself and hoped no one noticed.

After a few more drinks, the party was really kicking up. Vince had disappeared with the girl mentioned earlier, Mick was fading slightly but continued to give witty remarks to Nikki and Tommy who were coming up with names for their first studio album when the time came. The names they came up with were ridiculous and it took everything in Mick and also in you, to not absolutely roast every single suggestion they had. Tommy continued to touch your knee and your thigh, whatever he could conceal but also have some sort of contact on you. This secret was one you didn’t feel terrible about. In fact, it was kind of exciting that you both had these feelings and had done things the others didn’t know about.

“Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes.” Tommy said in your ear and told the others he was heading there and would be back soon. You stayed in your seat and chatted with Nikki about some album names you had come up with and how they were ten times better than what he had come up with. After five minutes had passed, you announced that you also were going to the restroom and would be right back. It wasn’t noticeable to the point where they picked up on it thankfully. You grew anxious, knowing Tommy wanted to be physical but all you could think about was the Vince issue.

The bathrooms were thankfully single person and one of the two was locked. You knocked and waited for Tommy to open it. He cracked it open slightly and seeing it was you, he pulled you in and immediately had you up against the door kissing you. You had missed his lips entirely too much and your tongues mingling with each other felt amazing.

“What is it with us and bathrooms?” You asked him, breaking the kisses for a moment. He laughed to himself and then went right back to giving your lips some attention, then moving to your neck and your jawline. You were sighing with pleasure once again but then the thought of Vince’s lips on yours came to your mind. The guilt in the pit of your stomach became more evident the more Tommy’s hands and lips roamed.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep it in. You had had a few drinks and this didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel fair to you or to him, and you had to stay something whether the timing was appropriate or not.

“Vince kissed me tonight, back stage before the last song. He just did it I swear, we weren’t flirting and” you stopped and noticed Tommy had instantly pulled away as soon as he heard the first few words you said. You looked down at the floor, away from the heat already coming out of his eyes. He was either going to flip or completely leave and never speak to you again.

“What?” He said, wanting clarification. The look on his face said it all. He was furious and you knew he was allowed to be. You hadn’t told him sooner and it was something that had made him upset before. No explanation you could give him would fix it at this point.

Tags: @getthefckouttahere @stevenandsam @dylanobandposts21 @anon-1112 @switchthewitch @sighsophiia @mainly-me @bandzrus @divaanya @evrsncnewyork @yoinks-i-dont-feel-so-good @catsoo-12 @whydoilooklikekurtcobain @supernaturalvikingwhore @vintageratdoctor @thatbandchick39 @chasityquinn @swoopygorl @shamelessobsessions @itsametaphorbriansblog @juliarose21 @whiskey-a-go-go @anxious-diabetic @ziggysstardustz @thanks2pete @captainloki1 @tommyfuckinlee @itssaje @littlesunnymoon @imamazzellhoe @killer-queen-ofrhye @slowandangry @momothepeachgirl @itsharleyalb @ecstaticqueenbri @wheresmyvodkabitch @madsthegroupie @itsmotleyfuckingcrue @caos18blog @pandem--onium @annabeth-14 @langdonsdemon @rxsesinjune @machinegunkiki @sisterchristixn @luv4fandoms @yesloverboy @solohqrry @she-likes-dead-flowers @leterscam @kennisababe @twistnet @kat-976 @jongkey-1221

#personal #writings #the dirt #the dirt imagine #tommy lee x reader #tommy lee #get a room #vince neil #mötley crüe #nikki sixx #mick mars #80s #machine gun kelly #colson baker

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365daysofsasuhina · 5 years

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[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Twenty-Two: Walk in the Park ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

What she thought was going to be a one-time thing has turned into a habit.

Ever since the first early summer night Sasuke woke her up with coffee beans against her window, he’s done so several more times. Enough that she’s started suggesting he might need a sleep aid.

He insists his head’s just in another timezone.

Either way, he’s taken her out of her house at odd hours of the morning more than once since the first witching hour outing, and each time, Hinata’s gotten more and more certain Hiashi’s going to catch her one of these nights. Then he’ll lock her in her room every evening at curfew, not letting her out until breakfast the next morning.

But so far, she’s been lucky. Or maybe she’s just more of a ninja than she thought.

Usually they just go walk in the park, but sometimes they wander around the other houses. Not getting into their fenced yards, but admiring architecture from the sidewalk they typically take for granted as something only in the background.

He’s been teaching her a lot about that lately: noticing what you take for granted.

Tonight, it’s three am, and the subtle sound of coffee beans against her panes rouses Hinata from sleep.

“You know, you could just text me.”

“It might not wake you up.”

“And the beans have any better odds?! My dad’s going to find a hill of them under my window and get suspicious!”

“I pick them back up.”

...she blinks. “...you do?”

“Yeah. Been using the same ones over and over. Can’t be wasting good coffee, Hyūga.”

“Would you please stop calling me that? I have a name! Hyūga could be anyone in my family.”

“But I only ever talk to you.”

Pale eyes roll. He’s impossible.

“C’mon, we got places to be and time to waste.”

Sighing in defeat, Hinata slips into her clothes and follows. As typical, she dons shorts and a shirt under her favorite periwinkle sweatshirt. Quiet sneakers let her do just that through the house until she’s out the back door, her father none the wiser.

“So, where to tonight?” Hinata questions, perking a brow at the blanket tucked under Sasuke’s arm.

“Park. It’s a nice clear night, and I think there’s s’posed to be some meteor showers.”

That perks her up. “Really? I didn’t hear that!”

“Hence why I’m staying up on purpose for once. And why I’ve got this.” He gestures to the blanket.

“Oh!”

They stroll through the quiet neighborhood, Hinata marveling as always how different it feels at night. Daytime sees it so busy and noisy. But now? It’s like no one else on Earth exists.

It’s just...peaceful. The isolated feeling of being alone without being alone.

Rather than lie on the grass, they return to the multi-toy structure, climbing to the top and lying atop the blanket among the walls of the make-believe fortress. If the cop that typically patrols rolls by, he’d surely see them just out on the ground. They’ll be well-hidden up here.

“Comfy?”

“Mhm!”

“I even did laundry just for this. Smells clean, huh?”

She can’t help a giggle at that. “It’s v-very nice. I didn’t know you were so into space.”

“I’m not. Just thought it’d be neat.” Staring skyward, he glances to her. “...thought you’d like it.”

Hinata can’t help a small jolt. Me…?

“Oh, I saw one!”

“W-what?” Flustered, she moves her gaze back up to watch the night sky.

Slowly at first, and then gradually getting faster, the comets streak across the sky directly above them. Lost in the sight, Hinata soon forgets Sasuke’s comment, too enthralled with pointing every time the sky alights. Beside her, Sasuke mostly lets her lead, dark eyes watching each she gestures to. Once she’s distracted, he spares the occasional sidelong glance to watch her expressions, his own unreadable.

“Aw...I think it’s over.” Several minutes have passed without a single sighting. Arms draped loosely across her middle, Hinata keeps watching. “See any, Sasuke?”

“...no.”

Her lips pull into a hint of a pout, sad it’s finished. “That was really cool…! Thanks for bringing me.”

“Yeah, sure. Any time.”

Heaving a small sigh, she keeps studying the stars. She really should learn some constellations so she’d know what she’s looking at. “...it’s so nice out here at night. I’m g-glad you started bringing me.”

“Me too. It’s nice to have some company. I used to like going it alone, but...I dunno. It’s weird. With you around, it’s like I’m alone, but...I’m not.”

“I think I know what you mean. We don’t...get in each other’s way. Quiet company.”

“Yeah…”

Glancing to him, Hinata stares idly as he turns to look in tandem. Suddenly there’s a funny feeling in the base of her gut. Like misjudging how many stairs you’re taking. A kind of tension makes her realize where they are, how they’re alone...at night...side by side. Is...is she supposed to…?

Across the street, a car alarm suddenly blares in the silence.

Gasping in fearful surprise, Hinata almost jolts upright before Sasuke pins her down.

“Shh! It’s probably just a cat jumping on the car.”

Thoroughly rattled by the shock to her senses, Hinata glances through a gap in the structure’s side. Headlights flash rhythmically in time with the siren.

“It’ll turn off soon.”

“W-what if my dad gets up to see what’s -?”

“I doubt it. We’re quite a few houses down, he’s not gonna care.” Still propped up on an elbow with a hand on Hinata’s further arm to keep her down, he peers over the top.

A minute more of the noise passes before it finally fades back into silence.

“...okay. We’re fine.”

Still tense, Hinata tries to relax, heart pounding beneath her sternum.

...his hand’s still on her arm.

Giving it a glance, she then looks to Sasuke. “...um…”

“ Huh…? Oh, uh...sorry.” He withdraws the limb, looking to her a bit sheepishly.

“It’s fine…”

...that same tension seems to creep back in with the quiet.

“Hey, uh...can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Could I…? I mean, would you want to -?” Sasuke cuts himself off a few times, clearly struggling with something.

“What?”

“Do you...wanna go out with me?”

She blinks. Blinks again. “Like...go somewhere…?”

“No, I mean - well okay, yeah, but -” A hand weaves back nervously through his hair. “...I mean like...date. Go steady. Whatever you’re supposed to call it.”

One last blink...and then her eyes go wide. “...you mean, you w-want to…?”

“If it’s a dumb idea, just...tell me now. I don’t wanna make things, like...awkward. But maybe I’ve already done that, I dunno. I just...I keep thinking about it, and -”

“Sasuke.”

He clams up.

Surprisingly, she...finds herself rather calm. “...I’d like that.”

“...you would? It won’t...make things weird?”

“No…? We’re still friends. We can just, um…” She goes pink. “Try being...more than...friends?”

“...yeah. I guess.”

Silence blooms, and grows, and grows…

“Uh, anyway...we probably better get home.” Sasuke sits up, avoiding her gaze. “It’s getting pretty late…”

“Yeah…”

They gather up the blanket before checking if the coast is clear, then heading back toward their neighboring houses. Despite their new arrangement, neither of them say anything, making the trek in silence.

“Okay...uh, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah...thanks again for taking me.”

“Sure, sure.”

She smiles at him, a bit blushed. “Maybe we can just...s-say that was our first date? Get it...out of the way?”

Sasuke blinks. He hadn’t considered that. “...yeah, sure.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Night...Hinata.”

Sneaking her way back in (how has Hiashi not noticed yet?), Hinata heads into her room and...goes about her normal routine, slipping back into bed. It...still hasn’t really hit her yet, has it? Maybe in the morning she’ll realize what he just asked her to do.

...and the possible consequences.

But for now, she’s gonna just...go to sleep. Maybe dream of a meteor shower.

Eyyy, he finally did it xD ngl I thought about having them smooch, but...we've gotta let it builddd...cuz I'm evil x3 More of the most-consistent little mini modern series. I can't remember what all days they are, but...the regulars surely know what I'm talking about, lol Anywhoozle, it's...very late, and I'm very tired (hurray multiple sleepless nights), so time to head to bed! Thanks for reading~

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #best years of your life [ au ]#365daysofsasuhina

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 162: Mirio Feels

Previously on BnHA: We tuned in to the local hospital where the wounded heroes had been taken for treatment. Aizawa, Kiri, Tamaki, Hot Gum, and RockLockRock are all fine. Eri is apparently still feverish, and Aizawa told Deku that they had her in quarantine due to her dangerous and as-yet-uncontrollable quirk. He then took Deku up to Nighteye’s room where All Might had gathered along with Nighteye’s sidekicks. Turned out Nighteye’s injuries were too severe and he was dying. All Might and Nighteye made peace with each other, and Nighteye was glad All Might had decided to fight against fate. He’d struggled for so long to find a way to change the future himself, and Deku finally showed him that it was possible. Mirio then ran into the room, and at this point things reached ugly crying levels of emotion, with Mirio begging Nighteye to live and thanking him for everything he’d taught him, and Nighteye cupping Mirio’s face gently and looking at his future one more time. He told him everything would be all right and that he would become an outstanding hero, and he told him to keep smiling. AND THEN HE FUCKING DIED. And everyone was sobbing, and with good reason, because it was the saddest fucking shit ever you guys.

Today on BnHA: Gran Torino and Naomasa go Kurogiri-hunting in the mountains and nearly get picked off by one of All for One’s proteges, all because they didn’t think to bring Ashido Mina with them. Back at the hospital, Aizawa gets ready to take his kids back home and Deku goes to talk to Mirio. Mirio is surprisingly chipper for someone who just lost his quirk and his mentordad all in one day! He tells Deku it’s because he wants to honor Nighteye, who told him to keep smiling. Deku, who has been wracked with self-doubt over Nighteye’s belief that Mirio should have inherited OFA, offers to give Mirio his quirk. But Mirio declines before he can even finish the question. He says that even if that were possible, Deku would just end up in his place, and he doesn’t want him to go through that. He also says that Aizawa told him that if Eri learns how to control her quirk, it might be possible for her to return him to normal. In the meantime, he’s taking a temporary leave of absence from U.A., and he tells Deku that he should keep smiling too. We then cut back to U.A., where Todoroki Shouto and Bakugou Katsuki are finally back from the void to welcome us to the next mini-arc.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 187 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

whaaaaat

SO THIS IS WHY GRAN COULDN’T GO ON THE RAID WITH THEM OMG. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, GRAN

it can really only be one guy if he’s talking about “most troublesome.” holy fucking shit

YEP

holy shit

this definitely helps in the fight against the League. this is excellent. with him captured, that puts a much-needed check on the League’s potential scheming. for example he can’t just warp Tomura into Deku’s bedroom in the middle of the night and kill him in his sleep. which is definitely something I’ve wondered about before in terms of “why haven’t they just...”

and if Horikoshi needs them to regain this ability later on, he can just have Kurogiri break out of prison. it shouldn’t be that hard, since “Breaking Myself Out of Prison” is basically his goddamn quirk

this is really going to piss Tomura off once he finds out, though. I feel like there will be some consequences for this. and now he’s got that quirk-be-gone, too. oh shit

anyway, so Naomasa is there too and he’s telling Gran and the cops to use caution. ya think?

how are they going to restrain him?? so fucking curious about this

(ETA: pro writing tip: if you’re ever not sure how to address a troublesome plot hole, just distract everyone with a giant mountain-crushing villain, and then later on have the characters resolve everything offscreen lmao)

lol Kurogiri is polite as ever

a “ruffian”, huh

and he says he has some business with that ruffian

so that’s what Tomura sent him out here for. who could this ruffian possibly be??

also, if said ruffian shows up and he doesn’t have like scraggly hair and a hobo jacket (or alternately, pompadour hair and a motorcycle jacket), I’m really going to take issue with their choice of description here. don’t get my hopes up like that

Gran’s all “I’d love to hear all about it once you’re behind bars”

dammit Gran, you’re so fucking hard-boiled. but I want to hear about it now though

oh shit, all of a sudden there is a thumping sound loud enough to scare a bunch of nearby birds

holy shit now Kuro is flashing back to a conversation with All for One that he apparently had shortly before the Kamino incident

WHO IS HIM

what is this freaky weather forecast all of a sudden!? DOES THIS PERSON HAVE A WEATHER CONTROLLING QUIRK??? :O

(ETA: nope that’s just the big radio he wears around his neck for as-yet-unknown reasons)

yooooo and now Kurogiri is saying Tomura wasn’t the only one AFO was “cultivating” omg!!?!??

(ETA: rereading this part, I’m finding myself extremely intrigued by All for One’s relationship with Kurogiri. like, Kuro appears to be part of his inner circle, and in hindsight that makes sense, because AFO trusted him enough to watch over Tomura, his heir apparent. but anyways, we’re seeing here that Kuro knows a lot more about AFO’s plans than he let on before, including stuff that Tomura more than likely doesn’t know. very, very interesting.

also, the line “our master has already seen the future” and the fact that AFO specifically planning ahead for something like this makes me more certain than ever that this man isn’t going to stay locked up for too long. oh my god I’m so curious about this long game that he’s playing, and having to wait an indefinite amount of time to find out is going to drive me crazy, I already know.)

OH SHIT

THIS IS THE GUY WE SAW ALL THE WAY BACK IN LIKE... JESUS. LEMME GO CHECK

-- CHAPTER 57. HOLY SHIT. WE GOT ONE PANEL OF HIM, AND THAT WAS IT FOR MORE THAN 100 CHAPTERS. I FORGOT ALL ABOUT HIM. EVERYONE FORGOT ALL ABOUT HIM, MOST LIKELY

(ETA: so as you all know, we also saw him in Kiri’s flashback in chapter 144! he was walking around in Downtown Wherever Kiri Lives and asking middle schoolers for directions to the Springer Hero Offices. who or what or where is Springer?? I sure don’t fucking know. but anyways he was very polite, but he also started to crumble apart a building with his bare hand before Mina came and calmed him down. and he was all “everything I do is for the Lord”, which, given what we now know, was more than likely referring to All for One.

so that’s pretty much all we know about him so far. or at least all I know about him, being about 30 chapters behind still. hmm.)

-- SON OF A BITCH we’re cutting back to the hospital the following morning

fine. we don’t actually get to see if Kurogiri was really captured or not. or who tf this new godzilla dude is. whatever

there’s a TV playing the news, and apparently the police are taking a lot of heat for letting Overhaul’s caravan get attacked and having the “important evidence” stolen

yeah I’ll say they should be taking some heat for that. at least we know they can’t make any more of the stuff

oh snap Deku just walked into the lobby where Aizawa and Recovery Girl were watching

apparently this is his first time hearing this news

(ETA: either that or Aizawa and Recovery Girl just gave him the gruesome details about the attack)

oh Deku

Aizawa is immediately saying he shouldn’t let it get to him and it’s not something he should feel responsible for

apparently Recovery Girl made the rounds and healed all the kids, so they’ll all be heading home with Aizawa shortly

but Deku’s asking if he can stay until Eri wakes up

Aizawa says that Deku being here won’t change the situation and that they need to leave her in the doctors’ care

Deku’s pouting but he’s not arguing back

but he wants to say goodbye to Mirio (who’s going to be staying in the hospital a bit longer)

and he’s just RUNNING OFF before Aizawa can tell him that now isn’t really a good time omg

-- why are you so hot

OH MY GOD

I HAVE SOME CONCERNS ABOUT THIS YOUNG MAN

he’s loudly greeting Deku and proclaiming that he’s in “tip top shape”

Miriooooooo. don’t lie. you don’t have to do that, it’s okay to be upset for a little while. about, you know. LOSING YOUR FUCKING QUIRK AND YOUR MENTOR ALL IN THE SAME DAY

Mirio when will we be done with these feels. fucking when. I can’t with this brave, beautiful boy. I fucking can’t

Mirio I’m going to cry all over again, STOP

and now he’s sitting up

and he says that even though Nighteye was always all 8/!!! around Deku, around Mirio he actually smiled quite a lot

and we’re flashing back to the last thing Nighteye told him, which was to keep smiling

so good. so pure. I can’t. we don’t deserve

he says that if he’s wearing a glum face it will be harder on Eri, too

at the mention of Eri, Deku’s talking about how Mirio protected her even without his quirk

but meanwhile he himself was saved by Eri even though he was supposed to be protecting her

“but if you had been the successor...”

ohhhhhhh

okay. well that’s okay. they needed to have this conversation anyway

also does Mirio have any idea what Deku is even talking about though. DEKU COULD YOU STOP TELLING EVERY THIRD PERSON YOU MEET ABOUT YOUR SECRET FUCKING QUIRK

OH FOR FUCK’S --

after all this, now he decides that Nighteye was right all along?? after Nighteye himself even basically said he was cool with it now

but I think it’s just because he’s starting to feel like All Might always did. that with great power comes great responsibility. he’s been given this ability and he has a responsibility to live up to it

“if you’ve got the strongest guy showing you the ropes, you can’t go losing.” he’s been flashing back to that fight repeatedly throughout this arc. this has been weighing on his mind for a while now

but Mirio. oh Mirio

honestly, an answer like that just cements the fact that he really would have been worthy of it, though

hell, I bet you Mirio could pick up Thor’s fucking hammer

“even if, for the sake of argument, something like that were possible” fucking lol. yes. this is all purely theoretical, of course

anyway, he says that even if he agreed, then Deku would be the one left in Mirio’s place, quirkless

of course we all know Deku has plenty of experience with that already. but he does have a quirk now. and it’s a quirk that he earned and he absolutely deserves as well

Mirio says he doesn’t know what’s got Deku so down, but that he did great

and yeah, he really did. he beat the fucking final boss

oh?

WHAT

I HAVE NEVER SEEN AIZAWA LIKE THIS OH MY GOD??

he looks like he’s the one being comforted??

oh my god. anyway

Mirio says that if Eri is able to regain control of her quirk then they could try to use it to restore him to a state when he still had his quirk

or if they can’t do that, they’ll try to find other ways to turn him back to normal

yesssss. because plus ultra. we don’t give up. s’not how we do things

I’m so glad he still has hope. even if he is amazing and so brave and has been putting on a cheerful face, he’s still a kid and he needs that

and Aizawa knew that. because he’s not just class 1-A’s mom, he’s apparently everyone’s mom. and he saw this crying kid who’d just lost his father figure after being badly injured and losing his quirk, and he couldn’t just leave him like that. so he immediately took whatever steps he could to try to solve the problem and give the kid some hope and comfort

and like, is it even possible to stan this man more than I already did though because damn

and now Mirio’s giving Deku a cute little “cheer up” punch omg

... [hair rufflesssss]

and meanwhile IN THE SHADOWS

feels for everyone!! feels for you, feels for me! angst for everyone! free angst! we’re giving it away! you won’t find this deal anywhere else!! so come on down to BnHA where we have mentor feels and cute senpai feels and angsty dad feels all on the same fucking page!

ffff

so now the narration says that Mirio took a temporary leave of absence from U.A. after that

OH MY GOD

RED ALERT, PEOPLE. red FUCKING alert!!!

IT’S HAPPENING

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

you’re sorry? YOU BETTER BE FUCKING SORRY HORIKOSHI. IF YOU EVER TRY TO PULL THIS SHIT AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

I’M SORRY BOYS, BUT. YOU GET HAIR RUFFLES TOO. I’M GETTIN’ IN THERE. MESS THAT HAIR ALL UP

OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE IT GUYS. WE MADE IT

NO BONUS, but tomorrow there will be one with the character poll results, yay. in the meantime these good boys are getting noogies.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #gran torino #tsukauchi naomasa #kurogiri #midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta #toogata mirio #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #plot twist kurogiri doesn't age thanks to his quirk and is almost as old as afo himself #and is one of his oldest friends and his most trusted confidant #he met him back when he was still in medical school #and they've helped each other out of many a jam over the years

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wisebrokenwallflower · 5 years

Text

bangtan fic rec

I can be kind of particular when it comes to what I’ll read and I hold a special appreciation for well-written fics with good plot and dynamic characters. I’ve started to accumulate a fair number of fics in my bookmarks, so I think it’s time I start sharing some gems with whoever cares. I highly recommend all of these since I think they are all beautiful in their own unique ways, but I will list the ships. I know certain things can be triggering to some people, so please read the fic tags in case.

the italics are my thoughts, the normal text is the official summary, bolded fics are the ones that had significant impacts on me and or I feel discuss something really important

(this may or may not kind of be an open love letter to all the authors on here lol)

same damn hunger by marienadine [Yoonseok]

When it comes to fucking around with his best friend, Yoongi follows two rules:

1. They must be inebriated.

2. They must not kiss.

okay this fic is heartbreaking? it’s really smutty, but it’s also super poetic and angsty. it’s just really good, I’ve read it a ton of times : ))

Let’s Not Hurt Anymore by exfatamorgana [Namjin]

They don’t talk about it, and usually no one thinks to ask. But if you did, Namjoon and Seokjin would tell. They aren’t keeping secrets, and if you asked them, they’d answer. It just so happens that on a Sunday, not much different from any other Sunday, the other boys think to ask.

So how do two people who are always together end up… together?

two things: 1) this fic is part of a larger series, but I have not read the other parts 2) you do need an ao3 account to read this fic.

besides that, this fic is so beautiful and holds an extra special place in my heart. this fic isn’t really about Jin and Namjoon, it’s more about everything else surrounding their romantic relationship; their friendship, their internal struggles, the other impactful people in their lives. it’s about their personal journeys, but the fic is also a platform to discuss some really important issues in a very thoughtful way. I’m not sure how to explain it well, but even though this fic is really sad at times, the parts that made me cry were the hopeful ones, the parts that made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

I Don't Regret a Thing by HeavenlyHell [Yoonseok]

Hoseok is a host working in a shadier part of town, living in a small apartment complex just away from the main and busy buzz of the big city. All he really was planning to do was get some gross food and continue his gross life, but he also manages to spot a very gross (and bloody, which is gross) body on the ground. Except, the body is alive, and upon closer inspection, isn't as gross as it seems.

this fic is actually kind of funny and cute. if you want something lighter (especially compared to the previous two) this is a good option. also I want Yoongi’s hair.

Creating a Home by CheekyBrunette [Namjin]

(I didn’t put an official summary for this one because it’s actually a series)

Foster Care AU- it’s literally the softest, cutest, sweetest thing you will ever read oh my god I love kid fics so much they’re so cute. this one actually deals with some heavy stuff since it’s the foster care system, and so there’s tough situations that put them in the system, but many of the kids also find new difficulties once they’re in the system. but seriously, nothing will make your heart suffer more than little kid bangtan. btw, Namjin are the parents. IT’S SO FLUFFY. like, even when Jin is losing his mind and it feels like shit is falling apart, it is immediately fluffy after.

On Patrol by Ragi [Jikook/Yoonseok/Namjin]

Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.

Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.

Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher.

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

that’s the summary for part 1, but it’s actually a two-part series. the summary makes it sound super fluffy, but there’s actually a fair amount of violence and angst. it’s all happy in the end though, don’t worry. (I basically only read fics with happy endings) also, kid Tae is so cuteee.

i've been drinking, i've been drinking by decompositionbooks [Jikook]

Jungkook tries to figure Jimin out with Yoongi's trademarked "What Your Drink Says About You" alcohol psychoanalysis.

All he knows is that Jimin likes fruity little drinks.

this one is really cute and a little sad. the best part of this fic for me was the fact that it really improved my knowledge of drinks lol

doubt thou the stars are fire by iwillalwaysbelieve [Jikook/Yoonseok]

Jeon Jeongguk's got a Reputation™. Park Jimin learns how to not give a shit about it.

this one is really short but really cute : )

White Chalk by g_odalisque13 [Taegi]

Yoongi had been aware of the shadow for as long as he could remember.

Sometimes he went months without feeling like it was just a few steps behind him or waiting around the next corner. But no matter how long he was able to avoid it, it always came back. Always.

It's 1993, and Yoongi is a music major starting his sophomore year in college. A bunch of stupid dares from his friends aren't supposed to turn his world upside down. Then again, maybe it's not the dares. Maybe it's just Taehyung.

I don’t know how to effectively describe how much I love this fic, but I love this fic so damn much. it’s just so well written and funny and genuine and it’s really honest and nice and it makes me happy

tie the knot by jivenchys (bareJinerals) [Jikook]

Either stay married to an arrogantly conceited billionaire for one year and get a million dollars in return, or drown in his father’s debt with the risk of ending up on the streets. Signing the prenup suddenly seems harder than it looks.

mate let me tell you, this is the slowest fucking slowburn you will ever read in the history or slowburn. every other fic on this list is complete except for this one, but even though this one is still in progress, it’s so fucking good that it’s definitely worth the wait. I have not felt excitement equivalent to that when I saw that this fic was updated recently. even though it’s still in progress, this is one of my all time favorites

hey, you never walk alone by deuxoiseaux [Yoonseok]

"Are you stalking me, or something?" Hoseok demands, more than loud enough for his voice to carry to the roof of the two-story building overhead. "This is seriously the fourth time I've seen you today alone! What is your deal? Why are you always everywhere I go lately?"

The man in the red and blue suit peeks down at Hoseok from the rooftop ledge. "...I thought I was being stealthy," he answers, and Hoseok can hear the pout in his voice even with his face hidden behind that mask. It's kind of endearing, even if it's still annoying.

(or: the spiderman au nobody asked for but exists now, i guess)

this is so cute! it’s a really short fic, but I love the characterizations a lot : )

a sugar coated pill and a pick me up by whomstisthis [Namjin]

As Namjoon stood slightly removed from the scene, bemusedly watching the six-year-olds swarm around his cooler (which he had borrowed from his mom), he didn’t even notice that someone had sidled up next to him until he heard the tiny, but undoubtedly exasperated, huff.

He followed the sound, turning his head to the right. A guy was standing there, arms crossed, lips pursed. He let out another huff, louder this time, but only slightly.

Namjoon refused to acknowledge him. What the fuck was this guy’s deal? Was he really that bitter that his six-year-old just lost a soccer game for six-year-olds?

One more huff from the guy.

He was beginning to think this guy’s lips were just perpetually pursed and would simply never, ever unpurse themselves, when he, the guy, finally unpursed his lips to speak.

“I just think it’s pretty irresponsible to bring Gatorade to a soccer game for first graders,” he said, huffily, “No offense.”

(or: namjin are soccer dads who fall in luv)

kid!tae and kid!kook are friends and it’s really cute and also I love Jin and Joon’s banter. also, this is explicitly set in new york, which makes for an interesting cultural cross. (and completely unrelated, this fic taught me about Richard Siken, who is a heart wrenching poet)

Of Lace Panties and Accidental Magic by jonghyunslisterine [Jikook]

In which a meddlesome teenage witch makes a considerable mistake mixing her potions.

(Or; Jungkook can't lie, Jimin's not looking like himself, and everyone knows Jungkook's in love with Jimin - except Jimin.)

this one of the few cisgirl!bangtan fics that I like (even though Jimin’s not technically a girl). often the whole “bangtan as girls au” thing feels kind of forced, but here Jimin’s gender thing is actually constructive to the fic rather than distracting. it’s really cute and jikook are a whole mess but it’s fine

hounds of love by fitzgarbage [Namjin]

Seokjin hasn't been back in a long time.

it’s kind of melancholy but it’s really well written. the last tag is “some characters are sad”. yeah. a large part of this fic is about growth and self discovery and I think that’s really why I like it.

girls just want to have fun by fitzgarbage [Yoonseok/Vmin/Namjin/Jinkook]

“Namjoon told me you’d probably be haunting a corner. I didn’t know what he meant, but I think I get it now.” He’s breathing hard. “I knew you right away. You look really good, by the way.”

transgender, intersex, and nb characters. I have a lot of things to say about this fic but my brain isn’t really working right now so I may end up having to make a separate post. I just have a lot of things to say about this fic. there are some fics that aren’t just enjoyable to read, they’re also important to read. that’s this. fair warning, you’re going to want to wrap everyone in blankets and protect them from the world forever after you’re done reading this.

Internecine by jawsbar (GryfoTheGreat) [Yoonseok]

Everyone gets a soulmate. You don't get a choice in the matter. Fate decides who you love, whether you like it or not, and to her credit, she usually gets it right.

This time, Fate fucks up. Like, majorly.

(Or: Failed idol Jung Hoseok is bonded to the very person who destroyed his dream.)

HOLY SHIT. SO FUCKING GOOD. READ THIS. JUST DO IT. I DON’T CARE IF IT TAKES YOU A WEEK. JUST DO IT. there’s a lot of real issues within the industry that the author talks about and it’s things that you might already know about and things that you may not know about. it’s really informative and beautiful and amazing and just go read it. (also the author is a sweetheart, super nice person : ))

harvest moon, recall your youth by blackranger (robpatFF)[Taegi/Namseok/Jikookjin]

“How drunk was I?” Yoongi asks. “Did I seriously tell you my whole life story before we hooked up?”

“No,” Taehyung giggles. “Silly Min Yoongi. You told me your life story before we got married. Then we fucked. Like a honeymoon, you know?”

Or, Yoongi and Taehyung get drunk married in Las Vegas.

the taegi is really sweet and the namseok is nice too

the waiting game by bonnia [Jikook]

It’s a waiting game. Jimin knows that Jungkook doesn’t have to come back, but with every little touch, every time Jungkook does, and every time Jungkook lies down right next to him, pressed up close, torturously warm and smelling like cigarette smoke and cologne, Jimin can’t help but feel like he could — would — wait years just for Jungkook to come back to him again.

(Or: In which Jimin is a prostitute and Jungkook is his favourite customer.)

it’s really sad and then it’s really sweet. Kookie is a sweetheart and Jimin needs a hug

boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away by 777335

Summer before his third year, Hoseok says he wants to move out of the dorms and Yoongi replies easily, “My lease is almost up, wanna get a place together?”

Hoseok can’t speak for a second, just wants.

“Seok?” Yoongi says, pushing his glasses up with the heel of his hand, tongue poking into his cheek nervously. “We don’t— we don’t have to, never mind.”

“No,” Hoseok says, taking the half step to their table, sliding Yoongi’s beer toward him, settling on his stool with his caipirinha. He chews on the straw. “No, no,” he can feel the smile breaking across his face, “that sounds great, that sounds really nice. Holy shit, yeah, let’s do it.”

“Yeah?” A shy smile touches the corners of Yoongi’s mouth. “Yeah? Okay. We could get a couch for Holly.”

or hoseok and yoongi meet on the internet, become friends, both end up in seoul, become better friends, move in together, and then eat some pancakes. oh, also they make out.

it’s really cute! they’re so sweet and they actually communicate and it’s nice and they kind of remind me of my relationship with someone very close to me ; )

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I have some more recs, but I wanted to post these so that this didn’t sit in my drafts forever lol. happy reading! dm me if you love any of these a lot and we can gush together : )))

#taegi fic #jikook fic #namjin fic #ao3fic #bangtan fic rec #sope fic #I actually use yoonseok but sope seems like the more common tag #the things fanfiction has given me

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spirit-of-the-void · 6 years

Text

Connor rk800 x Reader (Halloween Party!)

AN: *me reading the notes* glad to see people are just as thirsty for the android as I am, guess I have to make a part two lmao

Summary: An annual Halloween party is being held at the reader’s house for those in the office not stuck working for the best day of the year. Connor, of course, is expected to go and dress up. Just some random Connor x Reader fluff for you all, possible smut next part!

Part 2

“Get a move on, Connor!” Hank called impatiently as he walked toward the ridiculously decorated store front, “Jeez, usually you’re so eager to follow me everywhere!”

Connor sighed, removing himself from the vehicle with an uneasy look at the store. It was a seasonal thing, one that only appeared at the beginning of September and was gone by November first. Skeletons climbed the Halloween related name and various displays were seen in the store front. He knew for a fact that you would have loved to come there and browse--it was a shame you were busy with errands related to the party.

Connor himself saw this task with a grim determination. He desperately wished to not disappoint you. He wanted to meet your standards with this, despite Hank claiming vehemently that there were no standards. This was Connor’s first celebrated Halloween, and he was torn between taking it as seriously as his instinct demanded, or just...having fun with it. He knew you wanted the latter, so he would try to make an effort.

Connor adjusted his tie, a nervous habit, and followed Hank into the Halloween store. They were immediately assaulted with eerie laughing and cackling, lighting flashing from a corner with moving displays. Connor could smell plastic and latex, various chemicals made for flog machines and the facial makeup required for the holiday. He took a moment to scan, noting various “spooky” signs, costumes, and other Halloween-esque trinkets. And candy. Good lord, how much candy did the expect human children to consume in one night?

Hank saw the hesitant look on his face, patting him hard on the back, “How about you try on a few costumes and see which one you want to go with your vampire shit?” When Connor nodded, Hank let out a sigh, “Try not to be so uptight, kid. Have a little fun with it!”

“I will...certainly try,” Connor replied with a tilt of his head, watching as Hank shuffled over to the fake fangs and face makeup, grumbling all the way. Connor himself felt no ill will toward the holiday, but...his nervousness about how he would present himself to you was making it quite challenging. Not that he blamed you, it wasn’t your fault he was so, as Hank put it once, smitten with you. He just...felt things for you, and he wanted to be as mysterious and sexy as you claimed vampires were.

So he thumbed through the clothing racks, looking at costume after costume. He found himself smirking at some, and the more he looked the more he relaxed. He found enjoyment seeing all the ridiculous things people were willing to wear for the thirty first. Fun could be found in this, he decided, in the playing pretend. Werewolves, wizards, naughty nurses...just about naughty everything. If there was an occupation, there was a “naughty” version of it for woman. How very sexist. Although, he did find a very not safe for work male cop outfit, which consisted of only an officers cap, cuffs, and booty shorts. That had him chuckling a bit.

He paused, pulling the outfit off the rack and snapping a quick picture, mentally sending it to your phone with the words, “On a scale of one to ten, how pissed would Gavin be if i sent him this with a note saying ‘ here is your Halloween costume?’”

He had no sooner put the ridiculous article of clothing back when you sent your reply.

‘Connor, sweetie, as funny as that is, i value your life way too much to let you do that lol’

He smiled, enjoying your use of the word “Sweetie” far too much for his own good. Before his inner mechanisms could start overheating he picked out a few things from the rack, heading to the dressing room to try them on. Just as he closed the door to the small room he saw Hank walk up and sit on a nearby stool to wait for him to come out. Connor would happily admit that a few of these costume choices were outright silly, but damn it they wanted him to have fun so he would.

First costume he came out in was the most ridiculous one, and he thoroughly enjoyed Hank’s look of shock and sharp wheeze of a laugh.

“Oh my god, kid,” He sounded like he was choking on his own breath--he coughed quite a few times before continuing, “I would never in a million years let you into polite society looking that stupid.”

Connor smiled crookedly, seeing the bright red fabric of the crab costume in the mirror and shrugging once, “Are you certain, Hank? A vampire crab is quite unique.”

Hank groaned in pure agony, resting his head on his hands, “Connor...”

“You’re sounding a bit crabby, lieutenant, are you sure you’re alright?”

Hank groaned so loudly Connor was sure the whole store heard it.

~ ~ ~

“Oh no, boy-toy must be messaging you.”

You were sitting cross-legged on a stool in your kitchen with Chris and Kelsey, two other officers from the station. You had paused for a moment in decorating cupcakes to read a text, feeling your face light up at the sight of Connor’s name with a little dog emoji next to it pop up. Every time he messaged you it made your heart pound like a caged bird searching for release. It was silly, you knew that, but your attachment and feelings for Connor had grown so genuine it was almost embarrassing.

You stuck your tongue out at Chris, “His name is Connor, Chris, and he isn’t a toy.”

Chris was grinning, slowly trying to decorate a cupcake to make it look like a mummy, “Yeah but when I use the ‘crush’ word or the ‘lover’ word you turn bright red.”

Sure enough, both those terms caused your cheeks to flush, making the two laugh. You just couldn’t help it, thinking of Connor in a romantic way...your body betrayed you every time.Even in front of Connor sometimes you had to play off flushed cheeks and a racing heartbeat in one way or another.

“Shut your faces,” You hiss, waving a tube of frosting threateningly, “I’m armed and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Kelsey giggled, wiping a bit of frosting onto your face, “Oh come on, there’s no reason to be embarrassed. It’s adorable, we’ve all had crushes.”

You duck down a little, staring down at the cupcakes before you as you mutter, “It’s more than a crush you heathens.” And you weren’t lying--you had never felt this way about anyone ever. It was so overwhelming it was almost hard to tolerate in every day life. A crush could be ignored, a crush could be handled. What you couldn’t handle was the urge to kiss Connor’s mouth every time you saw him.

You saw both of them soften their expressions considerably, Chris giving you a comforting pat on the head as he replied, “Be that as it may, we’re still allowed to tease you. You two have been flirting for months now and we all reached a point where we couldn’t take it anymore,” He rolled his eyes, “I don’t know who’s more oblivious, you or him.”

“I’d say him,” Kelsey said with a smirk, setting about making another batch of frosting, “His poor little android brain can’t handle how gorgeous you are, (Y/N).”

You bit your lip a little, a nervous habit. Part of you was really hoping they were right. You wanted Connor to share your feelings so badly you couldn’t stand it. Most times when you felt romantic affection towards someone who you were unsure felt the same way, you squashed those feelings before they grew. But with Connor...they grew. They grew and grew until you had no control over it.

And it wasn’t just how handsome he was. Seeing him take care of stray dogs, listening to him talk about the mechanisms of androids and the concept of androids feeling emotion...you loved all of it. You looked forward to seeing him every day. His crooked smirk sucker-punched you in the gut each time he showed you it, and those puppy-dog eyes...

You sank down in your chair, looking at the text and opening the picture attached before your friends noticed you getting flustered again. What you saw made you cackle aloud anyway, making the two look at you in confusion.

In the picture was Connor in a crab costume, smirking with Hank sitting with his head in his hands in the background. The message included? “Hank seems a bit crabby today.”

Oh no, you bit your lip and smiled what you knew was a dopey grin--he was charming your socks off, you couldn’t help it. He looked bright eyed and adorable in the plush costume, and you were glad to see he was having a good time. Connor was such an unbelievable dork, and that very fact made your heart start pounding again. You loved that about him.

“Oh no,” Chris groaned, “We lost her again. What did robocop send you this time?”

You giggled hysterically, holding up the photo for the two to see. Kelsey looked like she was about to die.

“Oh my god, can i have that framed and put up in the office?” She wheezed, holding her sides, “Just for Hank in the background. That poor man, it’s killing me.”

You laughed, holding your phone out of reach of the two, “No way, this treasure is mine!”

While they complained in various ways, you typed out a swift reply, cheeks warm as you did so.

“Oh my god, Connor have I ever told you what an absolute dork you are? Gotta say I approve <3″

The heart emoji felt strangely risky to you, which was silly and childish to think about. Letting out a light sigh, you pocketed your phone before you could get distracted again, taking a quick look out into your living room. You’d happily admit you’d gone all out. Creepy lights, cobwebs, skeletons...this holiday was practically the only one you enjoyed due to having no family.

When you were with the people at the station that cared about you...it felt like family.

Chris saw the dreamy look on your face and sighed again, “Oh good god, she’s spacing again. We seriously need to get you laid, (Y/N).”

If you had been drinking something, you would have spit it out.

Kelsey giggled at your flustered look, an evil twinkle in her eyes, “Isn’t that where this night was going? What better way to have Halloween? Confess your love, get that good android di--”

“Gah!” You covered your ears, face flushed so warm you were sure you were on fire, “Stop! There’s no way Connor would ever want to do that...!”

Chris let out a low rumble of laughter, sounding almost sinister, “When he gets a load of those thigh highs you have planned and that butt snuggled in those shorts--”

Kelsey interjected, “Ew, when you talk like that you sound as thirsty as Gavin...!”

“Sorry sorry,” Chris laughed, “I just know she’s going to be a snack.”

You placed your head in your hands, feeling how warm your cheeks were from blushing. You weren’t deep enough in denial to say you hadn’t thought about it, hell half the reason you chose to dress that way was...well...to see how he reacted. It was easy to flirt and appear confident on your exterior, but this in reality made you jittery and nervous. You wanted things to work out with Connor, you wanted validation in a way.

Could Connor feel those attractions toward you? God, you hoped so.

“Look at that thirsty expression,” Kelsey tsked, “Girl you’ve got it bad.”

“I’m...not thirsty...” You muttered, not sounding convincing in the slightest.

Chris chuckled, finishing up the last cupcake with a satisfied look, “Do we even know if Connor has a dick?”

“Oh my god--” You started to groan.

“He has a tongue and ten fingers that aren’t broken,” Kelsey interjected with a shrug.

“Oh my god...!” You squeaked, “Kelsey!”

“What? Dicks aren't everything.”

The two dissolved into cackles, and you resisted hitting your head on the counter to clear your thoughts. This is why it was so hard to stay composed around Connor, these two were bad for your thought process in every way. Lusting for the oblivious boy was so not where you wanted to head with your feelings, but it didn’t take very long. He was just....so much. of everything. Not to mention you in general had been comfortable in your sexuality. But with Connor, the added feelings of romance were somehow more flustering.

As if on cue, your phone went off again, and you quickly pulled it out. Sure enough, his familiar name was in your notifications. You wasted no time opening his message, a bit disappointed to see no picture this time, but his words made your heart pound.

“You’ll be happy to know, I had quite a bit of fun today. Hank and I also managed to settle on an outfit for me. I will keep it a secret for now...But I can’t wait to see what you think. See you tomorrow evening, (Y/N).”

You held the phone to your chest, biting your lip with anticipation. How the hell were you going to wait a whole day to see what he had picked out for his vampire theme? God, maybe you were as thirsty as they said?

Either way, maybe that whole day was enough to gain some semblance of composure.

AK: I hope yall caught the funny ass crab suit reference i made ;) I have big plans for the next part

Tagged: @bethanystan

#Connor rk800 #connor #dbh connor #detroit become human #dbh #connor rk800 x reader #connor x reader #Halloween Party #halloween party part 2 #spirit writes #spirit writes fanfic

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