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wen-kexing-apologist · 2 months

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LOSING MY MIND OVER UNKNOWN EPISODE 8

Another week, another incredible episode of Unknown, another shout into the ether that they do not fuck this up for me in the final four episodes. Chris and Kurt are so good together as scene partners, but I am definitely dubbing Episode 8, The Chris Episode because holy hell was Chris juggling so many different emotions from Qian throughout the entire episode in all its tense and awkward glory.

I think I want to talk about eyes. Because I just recently rewatched Episode 6, and was losing it all over again at Qian’s complete refusal to make eye contact with Yuan from the moment Yuan says he’s suffering until he returns from the United States. Especially because in Episode 8, he barely makes eye contact with Yuan but for very different reasons.

Bedroom

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Qian wakes up the morning after Yuan’s return to find Yuan sleeping at his side. Now, knowing that Yuan is really only pretending to be asleep, and that he will continue to terrorize Qian throughout the episode, Yuan has positioned himself in such a way that the very first thing Qian has the ability to see when he wakes up is Yuan’s face. In the initial moment of wakefulness, Qian uses this private, quiet moment to study Yuan’s face, after years.

And similarly to the end of Episode 7, we look through Qian’s eyes via close up of Yuan’s face on screen only to hear Yuan say “seen enough?” Which is where we get a very good microexpression from Chris because Qian’s eyes go slightly wider, surprised that Yuan is a) actually awake and b) able to tell that he is Looking. But Qian does not look away.

Yuan opens his eyes, and Qian shifts, lifting his head up slightly as if he’s dialed in…but he is only able to maintain eye contact with Yuan for (literally) 2 seconds, before snapping himself out of it and sitting upright to take himself out of physical line (or plane) with Yuan. But he immediately looks back down at Yuan looking very dazed and at least slightly confused, and from my perspective a lot of that is informed by the fact that Qian is having to adjust to Yuan being back home. But the longest Qian can bear to look at Yuan is approximately 5 seconds.

gif by @thecasualfkfan

Qian, man of few words, tries to cut the thick silence with a caregiving question ‘are you hungry?” cut to the mirror where we see a reflection of only Qian, a jarring site because typically when Qian and Yuan are in the same room, they are framed together. “I’ll take you to the hotpot place,” and Yuan says nothing, so Qian tries to cut the tension again by saying he’ll message San Pang and Xiong.

“No need for the trouble. We can eat at home.” Yuan replies, and it gives Qian pause. Years have passed since he last saw Yuan, Yuan is established in his adulthood, successful, independent, confident, and sure. Qian has not been coping well, and the easy relationship, the familiar dynamic that he once had with Yuan is gone, he has no idea how to exist around Yuan right now. Qian turns his head slowly, to look at Yuan once more, but Yuan is up and out the door, leaving Qian to just stare at the space he left behind for a moment.

We get the second isolated framing of Qian in the mirror as his eyes move from the space by his bed where Yuan sat towards the door that Yuan just walked through.

So what I love about this episode is that Yuan knows his feelings, and I think he has a pretty good understanding of where Qian’s feelings rest now that Qian has called him home. Yuan has a goal, Yuan knows what he wants, the distance has very much helped to calm the storm of feelings that Yuan was having a hard time keeping a handle on when he was younger. Qian on the other hand, has a few more crises to work through before he can feel grounded in his changing feelings for Yuan. Which is what I think we are watching him parse through right before the intro when his eyes follow Yuan out the door and then close accompanied by a deep intake of breath. A moment to process what just happened.

This episode is very aptly titled The Distance Between Us and Love because Yuan is doing nothing but playing with distance. He is being petty, he is pushing buttons, he is- I would claim -essentially edging Qian by getting just close enough to inspire physiological responses in Qian without completely closing the distance.

Dinner

And that distance also includes a demonstration to Qian about how Yuan is capable of maintaining an emotional distance from him now that Yuan’s priorities have changed and he is no longer blindly, overwhelmingly devoted to Qian. And it’s funny in the show because it feels petty, because it is a little petty, but under the surface there is a lot of richness in understanding that Yuan’s position as an adoptee, as a traumatized child, as someone that was saved and probably felt the need to maintain his place, who didn’t have the same level of security in the household as Xiao Bao has had, Yuan has made Qian his number one priority for a significant part of his life, so much so that Qian has fallen right back in to the routine of anticipating being cared for by Yuan upon his return, but it is subject to change. To me, this entire episode reads like Yuan telling Qian “you have the choice not to engage in a relationship with me, but the emotional distance and deprioritization you are experiencing right now will be the new normal, can you bear that?”

gif by @ueasking

Qian walks up to the table and sees a truly impressive layout of food in front of him, and he looks somewhat shocked between the food and Yuan, the food and Yuan. Yuan has always been a helpful person, he has been trying to ease Qian’s burdens his entire life, but he’s an adult now and thus his reciprocated care means actually being able to provide for and support Qian holistically. Yuan walks out of the kitchen with a hangover cure, and Chris performs an inspired bit of improv and reaches for the glass, because Qian has slipped back into a world where someone cares about him first. But like I said, Yuan isn’t acting that way right now.

I love that Qian looks to his right to see if San Pang caught his #awkwardmoment and that is sustained throughout the dinner as Qian keeps stealing glances at Yuan, but looking away before he can have any silent interactions with Yuan at all. My favorite part of this scene is Yuan’s interaction with San Pang who is also absolutely awkward with Yuan. In this scene we get a massive dig from Yuan to both San Pang and Qian, and on the surface it’s petty but if you look in an additional layer, there is so much disrespect behind Yuan’s words.

gif by @ueasking

“San Pang. Thank you. I’ve thought a lot during my time abroad. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have the chance to go to the US and get what I have now. I’m grateful to you. Thank you.”

It is important, in my mind, that the end of this statement is followed with a cut to Qian’s face and not San Pang’s because it wasn’t San Pang that sent Yuan to the US. He was the one who delivered the news for sure, but it was the money Qian had saved over the course of years that sent Yuan abroad. There is soooo much disrespect in this statement because Yuan is ignoring Qian’s contribution to his time abroad and he is telling San Pang, essentially, that anything that happens between Yuan and Qian moving forward is directly because of him.

And now, a commercial break for the funniest scene in the show to date:

Bedroom 2

Here we start with the hands :) Yuan enters Qian’s room and immediately moves behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Qian is mad about San Pang and Lili and he is fully not making eye contact with Yuan, barely even turns in his direction when he enters the room, puts as much distance between himself and Yuan as he can in his room.

“Ge. Have you ever thought that we can’t accept changes because we’re too used to the way things were?”

gif by @ueasking

And we get Qian finally and slowly looking in Yuan’s general direction, Yuan moves to the bed, to Qian’s side and over the course of the conversation Qian looks towards Yuan about three more times, but he never turns completely, he never looks directly. Not even when Yuan calls him “Wei Qian” which was a brilliant fucking move on his part when he’s trying to drive home the point that the nature of people’s relationships to one another can change. Yuan leaves and the camera cuts to him leaving exiting Qian’s room and entering his own and a few seconds later, Qian opens his door, standing in the doorway in a similar fashion to how we saw him at the end of Episode 6 right after Yuan had left the house to go to the States.

At the Computer

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

As time continues, and Qian has not verbalized his own feelings for Yuan, Yuan starts pushing him a little harder. At first there was distance, then touch, and now he is getting bolder, literally getting in Qian’s face when he isn’t paying attention so that Qian is forced to look on in surprise and he’s asking Qian a question with his face so close there is literally no where for Qian to turn to. And Qian responds not only by looking at him, but by scanning his face, eyes flitting down to Yuan’s lips two separate times. Yuan lets the moment hang long enough for Qian to show his uncertainty around what is about to happen (is Yuan going in for a kiss?) before he breaks the tension by asking Qian a business question. But he’s been successful in shaking Qian because Qian looks back at Yuan twice in ten seconds, while Yuan just continues to stare directly at Qian to prevent Qian from stealing glances.

Being Fed

gif by @ueasking

We cut to probably my favorite scene of the episode with Yuan feeding Qian, mostly because Qian has no fucking idea what to do about it. Also because it has absolutely one of my favorite blocking moments when Qian reaches for the bowl in Yuan’s hand at the same time Yuan leans forward to feed him. I love this moment a) because the execution of the motion is so smooth and b) because of the concept of food as love. Qian here is trying to take the food from Yuan while Yuan is reaching out with the spoon to feed Qian his love. Qian takes the proffered bite apprehensively, and then rejects the continued action by taking the bowl from Yuan.

And Yuan as he usually is, spends all his time staring straight at Qian, so that Qian is forced to catch his eye if and when he looks in Yuan’s general direction. Qian is really struggling with his feelings for Yuan this episode so he rushes to finish his food and get the fuck out of dodge. Between each bite he looks to Yuan for just a second before turning his head further and further to the side so as not to catch Yuan in his periphery.

“They say if you like someone, even if you wear a mask you can see it in their eyes” Qian cannot look at Yuan, because Yuan is bleeding his feelings for Qian. Qian cannot look at Yuan because Qian is bleeding his feelings for Yuan. But unfortunately for Qian, it is not just his eyes that give him away. Because he has not reckoned with his new feelings, Qian is incapable of interacting with Yuan without being the most awkward motherfucker alive. Because Yuan is confident in what he wants and Qian is still having to adjust. Qian finishes the food and hands the empty bowl back to Yuan, and just as he is about to remove himself from the situation, Yuan scoops up the very last remnants of the meal and starts to feed it to Qian.

gif by @coffeelover5eva

Qian for just a second jerks his head back, in the same way that he moved his head slightly backwards when he turned to find Yuan staring at him in his bedroom. Much in the same way that he will take a step back later when Yuan moves to fix his collar. But because Qian does have feelings for Yuan and is fighting a losing battle, that instinctual reaction to put some distance between them, to not be cared for, quickly makes way into a deflated submission as he lets Yuan feed him those last little morsels. Yuan walks away as Qian just sits in quiet, annoyed, resignation. Chris’ face throughout this entire scene is just absolutely hysterical.

Yet another commercial break, because I am dying at Yuan being a menace

I do think it is worth noting that Qian’s reaction to this is very similar to his reaction to Yuan saying he liked him in that first attempt where he physically and emotionally disengages, gives him a little pat and tries to remove himself from the situation at hand.

Car

gif by @ueasking

Absolutely the most normal and relaxed Qian has acted around Yuan for this entire episode is in the scene where Lili is bailing on the family trip and he and Yuan are discussing what to do next. Is that little hand stopping the trunk from opening all the way a little desperate? Yeah I think so. But holy shit is it the least tense Qian has been with Yuan in quite some time.

That does not last long though because once they get in the car, Qian sits there expectantly, waiting for the charged sexual tension that would come with Yuan reaching over him to buckle his seat belt. I love this show for giving us the parallel fishing trips, because Yuan originally tried to pull the BL Seatbelt Staple years prior without complete success, Qian does not get the luxury of a second chance to get butterflies in his stomach having Yuan that close. It’s fucking brilliant to have had the buckle before, because it means the audience very clearly knows what Qian is thinking and expecting when he makes no move of his own to buckle up.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

What I love so much about this moment is that Qian has been trying to avoid these feelings time and time again since Yuan returned. And here we know he’s lost because for the first time in the entire episode he is waiting for Yuan to make a move. He wants Yuan to buckle him in. He can’t say it out loud, it’s embarrassing for him to have Yuan not buckle him in while having Yuan passively calling him out on his expectations.

If Qian’s absolute inability to function with Yuan gone was not enough of an indication that Qian has lost this fight already, this is absolutely the point in which we know Yuan has won. Because after all the avoidance, those split seconds of jumping back, of adding distance, of trying to shorten the time the two of them are alone together, Qian doesn’t bail on the trip and Qian waits for Yuan to make a move.

Fishing

First, it must be acknowledged that under the sunlight, Qian’s hair is very red. In other words. The boy has uke hair.

“When did you get so good at fishing” Qian asks

“When I was abroad I used to go hiking and fishing by myself. I didn’t feel lonely when I imagined you were by my side,” Yuan replies

and Qian furrows his brow slightly because Qian did that too. Not the hiking-and-fishing part, but the curbing the loneliness by imagining-Yuan-was-there part. We can see it in Episode 7 when he smiles and toasts the air at his side with his beer can after Lili and San Pang leave for the Christmas market, and if you didn’t catch that moment the first time (I did not) we get it again in the flashback Qian has, remembering the brightness and the chaos of Lili and Yuan being in the house.

“Ge, do you have something to say?”

“Zhiyuan, don’t keep your feelings for me anymore. Nothing will come of them” Yuan chuckles, which like…valid buddy, cause that is fucking hilarious. Not because Yuan doesn’t have feelings for Qian, but because something will definitely come of them. Because this is Qian’s last attempt at trying to maintain the status quo. Trying to be responsible and keep their feelings for each other at a non-romantic level. But it’s too late, Qian, you’re a goner. Qian looks at Yuan, but only in his peripheral vision, he dares not look at Yuan flat out at this point.

“What makes you think I still have feelings for you?” Qian looks at Yuan immediately after he says that, and not just looks at his face, but down his body, and then out in to his own thoughts.

“Ge, do you remember a long time ago you asked me what I would do if the person I liked got married?”

“You said you’d go crazy”

“My answer’s changed.”

And with that Qian has the sharpest, fastest head turn we’ve seen from him all episode but for the first time in the entire episode, Yuan is not looking a Qian. He is giving Qian the space to look, to think. He tells Qian that he will be happy as long as the person that he likes is happy, and we immediately see this tension release itself from Qian’s forehead. Qian is looking pensive throughout the conversation, and his eyes only move once Yuan moves again that Qian’s eyes follow the motion of the lid. Yuan moves to sit on the container, which places Qian not only below him, but the camera angle shrinks Qian down so he appears even smaller than usual next to Yuan.

Qian looks at Yuan when he sits down

“Wei Qian. Don’t you like Wei Zhiyuan?” Yuan asks, and the moment his question finishes, Qian looks away, because Qian has been incapable of maintaining eye contact where any romantic feelings are involved, but he is actually thinking here. You can see that question weighing heavy on Qian’s mind. And he can’t just run away from it so he closes his eyes and looks away again.

“If you do, is it only because we’re brothers?” and Qian’s jaw tenses considerably as he processes the question. You can see his lip move, you can see the twitching of his cheek as he clenches his teeth. But Yuan is done teasing Qian. Qian has become increasingly more obvious in his reactions to Yuan and now that Yuan has successfully riled Qian up over the past few days and they are alone where they had their first conversation about Yuan’s crush on an unknown boy. @romchat has already pointed out the reverse imagery for the parallel here but Yuan reaches out and clasps Qian’s cheek, the same way that Qian has done for Yuan countless times.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

When Yuan’s hand first makes contact, Qian looks at it but keeps his eyes trained downward. But the second time that Yuan’s thumb slides gently across his cheek, Qian looks up, looks straight into Yuan’s eyes. He does not tense any further, he does not fight against it, he does not shy away from Yuan’s touch or Yuan’s gaze. (@respectthepetty has a very lovely little breakdown of this scene herself here)

“This thing about us, is it that you don’t want, or you don’t dare?” Yuan asks and we move back to a wide angle shot that closes out the episode with the little title card. But Chris doesn’t stop acting just because there isn’t a close up on his face, oh no. No. Instead Qian’s face relaxes eeeeeever so slightly, and you can see him swallow hard. This is not a question he wants to be faced with because we all know what the answer is, and the answer is that he does want, but doesn’t dare. And the second that his fear of losing Yuan for a second time becomes stronger than his fear of changing their relationship? Game over.

This show is putting so many worms in my brain, I love it so much, and I am so looking forward to episode 9 where I get to see my boys being put through hell at the hands of the gang. Torture my boys! They don’t have enough angst!!

#unknown #unknown the series #unknown episode 8 #unknown the series analysis #unknown the series meta #wka long post #chris chiu #kurt huang #taiwanese bl

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lizzaneia-elizalde · 2 months

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Yandere(?) Jing Yuan

MY HUSBAND ✨

A little warning though. I quit playing HSR after 2.something. I don't remember. But it's because my devices can't handle it anymore :( at least I got Jing Yuan before I deleted the game. So I am probably going to put some wrong information here. Especially the timeline. Forgive me! Also,I lied. I'm not making this fic NSFW. Have some not so good angst LMAO Of course, there's spoilers so... Spoiler alert! Notes: Highly OOC Jing Yuan. He's a lonely man fr fr. Also, an extra long fic as an apology for disappearing like that lol. Also, not even sure if this counts as yandere. But just to be safe, i'm putting it here. So, dead dove, do not eat.

Being a long time trailblazer from the Astral Express made you develop quite the wanderlust in you.

You were originally from Xianzhou. A spoiled kid of a rich family that decided to embrace the free life when the Astral Express first visited your planet.

You developed a strong friendship with Himeko and Welt, alongside treating Dan Heng and March as your little siblings/children.

When Stelle arrived in the Astral Express, it seems that your little family is complete. Sure, Stelle may be a little gremlin with a Stellaron inside, but hey. Family is family.

When the talks of going to Xianzhou appeared, you volunteered to guide Stelle and March around alongside Welt. You did miss your family, and wanted to prove that you weren't the same immature person before.

Well, you know what happened next.

The wharf being abandoned, littered with mara struck soldiers...

It seems that Xianzhou became worse for wear.

Fearing for the worst, you urged the three to follow you and defeated the Mara stricken soldiers in such precision.

Seriously. You follow Nihility since you want to be more laid back in your life. But why does life keep forcing lemons down your throat? Now, it's even your family being dragged in your bad luck!

You got dragged by the three around until you all got to the square, and immediately bade goodbye for the time being. Promising to help them as soon as they need to. For now, you need to get back to your family.

Once you got to the manor, you burst through the door and was immediately smacked to shit by your parents.

"YOU PRODIGAL CHILD! NOW YOU COME BACK HOME?! HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE..."

A nagfest, you took in their worry filled words with a sharp edge before calming them down. You asked if any in your family have been mara stricken, but all of them shook their head thankfully enough.

Then, you noticed a man by the tea room. It seems that your parents forgot etiquette and abandoned their guest.

"AH! Forgive us, General! It's just this child... Oooh this child!"

You took a peak and was stunned.

Jing Yuan. The guy whose family is from the Realm-Keeping Commissions? And he's the general now? That's...

"You remember Yuan-yuan, right? Y/N'er?"

Oh you remember alright. How can you not? You loved this man a lot.

You squirmed under Jing Yuan's golden gaze that's filled with an unreadable emotion that you're sure had to do with your past.

And the past is what he desperately holds onto up to this day...

"General! The astral express--"

Jing Yuan's usual relaxed demeanor stiffened, his eyes going rigid. If one looks close, the chess piece he's holding onto cracked, making it glitch.

His face softener a bit as to not scare Yanqing more who stepped back a bit.

"Is that so? Thank you for the information, Yanqing. You can go rest now."

The kid nodded before walking away and leaving Jing Yuan alone.

His world, once so bleak and dry, suddenly had a drop of rain that he once missed and took advantage of, thinking it won't go away.

"Y/N..." He whispered to himself, putting down the piece and washing his face with his palm.

Other than Jing Liu and the others, you were one of the few people he's close to. Ever since you both were in the academy, you've always didn't like his quite stubborn nature. He didn't like his academic strand, wanting to be a cloud knight.

He noticed you pulling a face whenever he cuts classes, sleeps, loafs around... Sure, you were spoiled to bits, but at least you have the decency to be good in school.

So, he made it a point to annoy you greatly. Always popping around the block wherever you were, following you while talking your ear off... Doesn't help that he's a classmate, it's a daily annoyance that you gradually welcomed over time.

It's a friendship born from being together all the time. You watch him train with Jing Liu, taught him stuff he didn't understand, and in return, he would teach you how to fend for yourself since you always told him you wanted to travel the galaxy.

And that friendship developed into something more intimate. Exchanging shy giggles, flirty whispers, firsts of everything... Even without a label other than lovers, you both knew that you two are destined and tied together. Soulmates, if you will.

He's happy that you were by his side. With the quintet and you, how much more happiness does he need in his life?

But sometimes, so much happiness meant that there will be a terrible thing happening the next day.

Fortunately for you, you left Xianzhou before the Baiheng incident in the process of saving the Xianzhou Yuque. It was a timely flight that Jing Yuan supported so that you will be safe from the chaos that will unfold.

Unfortunately for Jing Yuan though, he paid the price of seeing his friends fall one by one.

Baifeng, sacrificing herself when fighting Shuhu, Dan Feng creating a draconic abomination in the process of trying to ressurect Baifeng and solving the Vidyadhara reproduction problem, Yingxing being backfired and becoming immortal stricken with mara, and JIng Liu, also struck with mara.

He watches as his beloved quintet crumble to dust in such a short time, even defeating his own beloved master in order to save so many lives and bring justice to those lost.

Jing Yuan had no one. No one to turn to, no one to confide in.

In times like those, what he yearned is you. For you to return, for you to look at him with so much grief, concern, and care.

All he wanted is your hug, your reassurance that it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't his burden to carry.

But you didn't return. Not even a peep, not even a soul.

700 long years of waiting, of bottling up his emotions that it almost spilt over.

Sure, he's happier now, but is he truly happy?

Deep inside, he kind of resented you for being so blissfully unaware of what happened to him. Of what happened to the quintet. You never even contacted him in those 700 years. Did you just forget your relationship just like that? Did you move on from him? He thought both of you were together forever?

Then slowly, he got jealous. Of you, at first. Just travelling across the galaxies without a worry in the world. How selfish of you to just run off to the farflungs of the universe just to never contact him again. Shame on you. He's a worried lover! How can he not? Then, he got jealous of the people that you must have met. How much were they charming you that you forgot about him, your soulmate?

He started visiting your family in year 300 too. Consoling them and telling that you were gonna go back home. When? Soon. Like really soon.

He found solace in your family that started treating him as their own son. Taking care of him when he visits, entertaining him with a game of chess, maybe even talk about their life.

He also heard more stories about you. About your spoiled attitude outside of school, of your rebellious years, of your wants and needs to see the outside. It's as if he's living vicariously through your parents, and relieving your memories in order to not forget you.

Then, he starts yearning for your presence once more after just trying to forget you.

It's a never ending addictive cycle that he's lost in the deep trenches in.

You were the only constant in this godforsaken world, the wine he yearns to drown himself in in order to forget his problems. But his problem is the wine, his problem is you. But the alcoholic he is, he continue to guzzle down the addictive taste until reality blurs with fantasy. In which a picture perfect world existed were nothing went wrong, and you were still there back in his arms.

Over the years, he somehow got over it. Turned to tea, thought about stuff. But your family reminded him so much of you and told so much stories of you that he became so attached to the idea of you.

He started a little hobby of writing letters to your non-existent being. Thinking you'll read them in the future. He refuses to believe that you're dead and rotting in a ditch somewhere. He knows that you're alive. He knows it.

He wrote down what he wishes to tell you, on what he wanted to do with you once you come back like a little drink, maybe even roam around and show you what Xianzhou looks like after 700 years.

Then, it devolved into his frustrations, anger, jealousy, and grief about what happened in those measly years. On why he wanted to have you so bad with him, to have the only remaining friend with him by his side. He wants to cling to you, to finally have a full on restful sleep, but also yell at you for leaving him behind.

He thought of the people that made you forget him. Of the people that took you away from him. Yes, they may, no, they ARE the reason why you weren't returning home. They must be.

He knows he's wrong. And he's working on it. A few letters down the road had him apologizing, telling he's in the wrong, and started writing about what to do once you come back.

Until those letters carried a weight that he's thinking of.

What will happen if you decided to stay in Xianzhou this time?

What will happen if something or someone made you stay?

What if, Jing Yuan forced you stay?

An absurd idea, but those letters quickly became a drawn out plan on what he'll do to make you stay by him, by his side. Eternally until the end of both of your lifespans.

And those letters were now safely kept in his hand. They will not see the light of the day.

The time he knew that the Astral Express came to their wharf, with Yanqing telling him, he immediately ran to Fu Xuan to know who are the passengers of the train that stepped out to help.

And there you are. You chose the path of Nihility. Fitting for a person like you who wished for everything, yet nothing. A spoiled kid who only wanted meaningless vices and thrills to fill the void inside. You grew up so much just as him.

What is this feeling inside? Relief? Resentment? Guilt? Love?

Woah, love? Really? Does he really still feel love for you? Or is that just a byproduct of the putrid mix of emotions inside of him?

He always knew his feelings for you never disappeared. It was supposed to be just a harmless puppy love that is forgotten over time. Like come on, it's been seven centuries.

But seeing you there, with your mother still nagging you, and your eyes locked onto him with an excited, naive look on your face made those forgotten emotions resurface.

And unfortunately, became an unfortunate ingredient in the rancid pot of emotions he bottled up over the years.

The General, known for being laid back and relaxed, can feel that image slowly crack and crumble every step you take towards him with a smile on your face.

It's so painful. How can you have that sweet smile on your face while he had to endure so much guilt and pain that he doesn't deserve to undergo?

What's worse is that your smile was lifting so much off of his shoulders to the point that he wants to drag those problems back to his shoulders and stubbornly hold onto them just to prove you a point.

He can't believe you had so much power over him. It's driving him insane how your mere presence shook the centuries worth of healing that he did for himself.

The conflicting thoughts started to whirl in his head.

He wants you to stay, but he wants you to disappear now that you're actually here.

In those mere seconds, he composed himself and gave you a soft smile. A smile that usually had a lazy quality in them now looks rigid.

"Y/N, my love. How are you? It's been seven centuries!" Calm and composed. That's what he wishes his voice sounds like.

You, sweet, oblivious you, hugged him with such a smile on your face. After all, Jing Yuan was your lover. And you hoped that he didn't hate you that much from not communicating.

"Yuan! I'm so glad I met you here again! Wow... You're a general now! How cool is that?!"

Your excited voice grated his ears to the point that he wants to cover it vehemently, but he also wants to get a hold of it and hear it over and over again. Reassuring himself that you're actually here in the flesh with him and not just a figment of his fractured reality.

With a smile, you grabbed his hand and got out of your parents' manor, wanting to apologize to Yuan by catching up.

Are you really that insensitive? Such naive thinking that by only talking things out, the problem will be resolved. Well, in your defense, you didn't know what happened with JIng Yuan and the quintet. All you knew is that they grew apart from the looks of it.

You didn't undergo the same traumatic experience that Jing Yuan did, the agonizing isolation, the years of waiting for that somebody to come home, and your mental health devolving into something more sinister, something that crosses with your logic multiple times.

But here you are, flashing your carefree smile at the dying Jing Yuan who squeezed out a chuckle.

He wishes that you burn in hell. He wishes that HE burns in hell. He wishes to burn with you, spending the last agonizing minutes with you finally in his arms again.

He grasps your hand, wrestling out an apology in his mind to you.

But he can't let you go until you knew of the agony you left him with.

And that's going to take a lifetime with you by his side, shackled and ruined.

It has been a whirlwind of emotions.

You saw Dan Heng, turn into your old friend Dan Feng. Well, his visage anyways. Were you that blind to not see the similarities? Or were you blocking the image out of your mind in order to protect your own peace?

And Yingxing, no, Blade. When did he turn into this immortal, suicidal maniac who wishes for nothing but death for himself and revenge?

And it's Dan Feng's fault? Dan Feng would never!

Your image of Dan Heng/Feng started to mix, making you dizzy and confused.

Baiheng. She died? Did she really? So did Dan Feng's ritual work or not? Did she reincarnate? Is she somewhere out there?

What happened in those years?!

And Jing Liu... Jing Yuan's master. Mara stricken and committed a massacre. That Jing Liu?

Jing Yuan even defeated her himself... Oh gods, did he just carry that burden all by himself? All those years... Centuries of pain and suffering that he didn't deserve.

The carnage, the aftermath, the result of grieving.

It's almost too much to bear for you.

And you were just out in the world, travelling and being all wishy washy, enjoying yourself with your newfound friends?

For gods sake, you were Jing Yuan's lover! Did you just forget about him just like that? Then those promises. Were those fake and surface level?!

How about your old friends? Did you even consider them? In those seven centuries, did you not even think of them?

Of course you did! But you swore that you thought that they're going to do fine!

Guilt riddled your weary body. Exhaustion catching up to you as you wept in your room.

So much to process, so much to grieve. It was almost too much if it weren't for Jing Yuan there to comfort you. Telling you that it was okay, that it wasn't your fault.

But what if's kept popping up your mind. What if you returned earlier? What if you were there for Jing Yuan? What if you didn't actually leave?

And Jing Yuan was so nice throughout the whole thing. You only talked to Dan Heng for a little while, but you need more time.

You felt so selfish for being like this. Why are you so affected when you weren't even there?

That's it. You weren't there. You weren't there for your friends, for Jing Yuan who only has you.

Seven centuries of loneliness... How did he even endure it?

You wanted to share the burden so bad, to be with him and atone for those time lost. You want to be there for him.

You are a terrible lover. A terrible friend, and a terrible person. Those phrases continued to mingle in your mind and wore you down to your barebones.

Now, even a sneeze from Jing Yuan warrants you to panic.

And Jing Yuan had a sick sense of satisfaction from seeing you wallow in sorrow.

Again, he knows it's wrong. He knows that he shouldn't be delighted in seeing you suffer.

But that side of him loves the attention he thinks he deserves. The care that he's deprived of, the love that he's blatantly robbed of.

So, he eggs that anxiety in yours on more by talking about the past and the pain he went through, his eyes narrowing in an indescribable stare as your person gets hammered down more and more.

It was eating him alive. But he assures himself that this is just temporary. Once he felt satisfied, he will start fixing you up again good as new.

And, as your parents urged you to finally marry Jing Yuan, and you nodding in desperation to make it up to him more from the centuries of neglect as his lover, Jing Yuan apologizes in his mind once more, and holds you close.

Hello love, you certainly gave everyone a scare. They're all just thrilled to see you safe and sound. As for this latest little game of yours, thank the stars it's over. Did you have fun? Did you get everything out of your system? Good, good. Everyone is so relieved. Welcome home, Y/n. -Jing Yuan

(Original, unedited quote from White Diamond in Steven Universe)

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jensettermandu · 5 months

Text

-𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 𝙜𝙤 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣, 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 𝙜𝙤 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚-

-𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙞𝙩𝙮-

1.1

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𝘨!𝘱 𝘫𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

content warning; MDNI, morally grey characters, toxic relation/situationships, domestic abuse, violence, substance use/abuse, mentions of weight/toxic beauty standards, dubcon, a lot of smut (spitting, spanking, bondage, choking, rough sex, etc. appears), age gap (legal), mentions of sensitive topics, not made for glorification of toxic relationships.

chapter wc: 12k+

Y/n opened the door to her apartment as the knocking wasn't stopping and groaned at the person on the other side.

"Seriously?" She annoyedly questioned Jennie and blocked the way when she tried to step inside. The girl pursed her lips, she stood in front of Y/n dressed in grey sweats and a grey sweatshirt, both soaked in water as the rain was pouring outside the whole day. In her hold were still her car keys and phone as her chest somewhat heaved–she probably ran up the stairs like she always did.

It was hard to believe that this was Jennie Kim.

"You said it yourself that you're home alone." She reasoned, sniffling as some of her wet hair stuck to her forehead. The younger girl heaved a sigh at that.

"Yeah, but I didn't say come over, Jen, there's a huge difference– I'm busy studying." She frowned at the vixen's words and stuffed her things into the pockets of her sweats. Her eyes trailed her body, the girl's dark chocolate brown hair up in a messy bun, hair strands loosely falling over her face, it was hard to not look at the piercings protruding through the baby tee as she didn't have a bra on and a pair of simple grey sweats.

"Okay...So, I'm just supposed to drive back now?" Jennie questioned as she had driven for a good 30 minutes from her place just to get to the girl who said that she was alone and studying when she texted her. Jennie had been bored the whole day and Y/n was busy studying. She never wasted an opportunity when the girl in front of her could squeeze her into her schedule which was filled with mostly studying and a part-time job.

"Yeah." The taller girl confirmed and pushed the door to close it and Jennie was used to the mean demeanour of the girl. She stopped the door and forced it open–she was much stronger and the force made Y/n take a step back while Jennie invited herself in. "That's an hour wasted driving here and then back for nothing." Jennie decided herself for the both of them, ignoring what Y/n wanted because they always did what the younger girl wanted.

"Jennie, that's seriously not my problem. Now get your ass out of my apartment." The older girl only locked the door and kicked her shoes off as she stepped into the single-bedroom apartment. "No, you can study, but I am staying 'cause I've been bored the whole day and you haven't been alone for ages." Y/n watched as the girl walked past her, making herself comfortable in the younger girl's apartment the way she always did.

She sighed and walked away from the door where she had stood and Jennie looked over her shoulder at Y/n's light footsteps, watching the girl who walked into the bedroom.

She crouched down and picked up the Russian blue cat named Vinci who scurried over to her from the couch. His purring was loud as he always snuggled with Y/n and finally, he started to like Jennie too even if Y/n had insisted he never would since he has only ever liked her. His wet and cold nose brushed against her warm neck as his claws dug into her sweatshirt and she walked towards the bedroom through the small apartment that was dimly lit. The second she stepped through the door she would be greeted by the living room and open kitchen. It was small, but it wasn't weird considering Y/n was still studying full-time.

She walked in through the open door and the bedroom consisted of a king-size bed with a grey backboard, the covers white and not made but rather left the way they were when the girl woke up in the morning. Beside the bed against the wall stood the white vanity table that was used as a desk too where Y/n sat. On the other side of the bed was the door to what was a small closet although beside it stood a clothing rack with the girl's clothes hung up as the closet wasn't enough. The fairy lights stretched above the headboard and Jennie was quite sure that they no longer worked, but Y/n would never do anything about it. Aside from that, there was a shelf by the door filled with vinyl records and a vinyl player and that was it, together with the window close to the vanity table where rain was harshly hitting the glass.

"What're you studying?" Jennie questioned, wanting to make some sort of conversation with the girl who usually cut the talking short because that wasn't what they had been meeting for the past four months. Y/n glanced away from her laptop and in the mirror, her eyes catching the brunette who held Vinci against her hip like a kid–the cat cuddling into her.

"The same thing I always have to study, economics, I haven't changed courses."

"I could help." Jennie offered as she specialised in anything connected with the subject. Y/n knew that, but she would never ask the girl for that kind of help.

"I need you to realise that I truly will never want you as a study buddy or anything like that. I already told you that I don't even want you here tonight." They held eye contact for a second more before Y/n looked back at her laptop.

"The mean girl facade won't chase me away, it doesn't bother me, Y/n." Jennie let her know as she knew that the girl was a cold-hearted bitch for a reason, but it truly didn't bother Jennie. For the most part at least. She only hummed at that, not sparing Jennie any more of her attention.

She let the cat down and watched him run out of the room, hearing in the distance as he climbed in his cat tree and Jennie closed the door before stepping further into the bedroom that smelled sweet and of white florals. "How long are you staying alone for?" She asked and walked over to the girl, getting behind the chair Y/n was in. She stood behind the girl, her hand coming over to the exposed skin as she traced her fingers over it. "Till Monday." She simply answered, trying to ignore the slightly cold hand that ran over to the front, fingers sneaking under her shirt and tracing along her collarbones. It was Thursday which left the girl with a weekend to do whatever she wanted to do.

"I'd never let you stay the weekend alone or alone in general." Y/n never read too much into Jennie's words, it was just some type of turn-on for the woman. "I'd never take my eyes off of you, let you text someone who isn't your friend or let you go out with someone I don't know too." Y/n knew that Jennie was in reality just a toxic piece of shit that tried to come off as this perfect type of partner by using words that were supposed to be protective, but with a deeper meaning never would be. It wasn't like it mattered to her since she wasn't with the girl.

"I like my weekends spent alone or with friends." The girl mumbled, swallowing as Jennie ran her hand back up over her neck.

"I know that you enjoy going out, but it wouldn't happen without me there to make sure you're safe and fine." The vixen rolled her eyes and the fingers came up to her jaw. Jennie gripped it and made Y/n look up, holding onto the backrest of the chair with her other hand, making Y/n look her in the eye.

"Asher does a terrible job at keeping you his."

"Maybe 'cause he doesn't own me," Y/n replied, giving the girl that made her sound like she was a thing to own and take care of a forced smile.

"But you are labelled the same way he is."

Well, Y/n knew that it wasn't right, that cheating wasn't excusable, but here she was, going behind her long-term boyfriend's back for the past four months. Her excuse was the good and more of her type of sex that came with Jennie, but that's all it was, sex. She tried to make it fair and excusable in her head even if she knew that it wasn't. Jennie was good and satisfying sex while Asher was someone who truly treated her right and trusted her because they loved each other. They had been together for four years now in the end and lived together as they continued to study at the same university where they met at 18 and he 19.

It was also where she met Jennie although the girl didn't study there.

[Four months ago]

Y/n continued to watch the 29-year-old woman at the front who had been holding a speech for the class for the past hour about stockbroking and entrepreneurship. "You don't think she's glancing this way quite a lot?" Y/n looked at her friend Lisa who sat beside her as they sat in the middle row, her cheek resting against her fist as it was a Saturday and the hungover was still keeping her dizzy.

They usually didn't have anything on Saturdays, but Lisa had been kind enough (Not really) and signed herself and Y/n up for this lecture from a person who became a millionaire at 20, a billionaire at 25 and had dropped out of university and become an entrepreneur before starting her own stockbroker company. Y/n had lost track, but she had no clue how this was supposed to help as it felt like someone would be stupid enough to drop out and try to achieve the same thing only to fail miserably.

"Called Parkinson, her head is twitching our way against her will the way she's fighting it," Y/n commented and both she and Lisa tried to keep their giggles quiet. She had realised that Jennie Kim had been glancing their way quite a lot, but it looked like she tried not to. Lisa shoved the girl who made her giggle louder than intended as everything was much funnier when they weren't allowed to be loud and had been sitting bored and hungover for a good hour.

"Y/l/n and Manoban." The voice was stern from Professor Kalinski and the two nudged each other with their knees under the table. Seemingly it got louder than intended in a classroom where only one person had been speaking and everyone else had sat quietly or talked with hushed tones or only talked to ask questions. As Kalinski said it took a while to get the woman to come and hold this lecture because she was extremely busy.

"Sorry, we're really sorry." Lisa apologised and Y/n held back the chuckle at how forced that was and got nudged once again, making Y/n do it right back. Her eyes landed on the brunette who was dressed in simple loose dark blue jeans and a plain white shirt with sunglasses resting at the top of her head. If she hadn't known or heard about Jennie Kim before she would have assumed the woman had gotten lost along the way and wasn't some billionaire who walked around with a manager and bodyguards. Despite the designer, she dressed simply.

"Sorry doesn't excuse this disrespectful behaviour." Kalinski pressed and Y/n inhaled before deeply exhaling as she leaned back and rolled her eyes. It felt unnecessary for Professor Kalinski to drag it out even more, that was even more disrespectful in her opinion as he was taking the woman's time.

"No, it's fine." Lisa nudged Y/n when Jennie spoke up and the girl raised her eyebrows at the woman at the front.

"She says it's fine." Y/n pointed out and looked at her professor, but instead of him speaking up about the matter, Jennie continued.

"It's fine because maybe you two have something to add or point out about the lecture I've held for you today." The two got offered a smile and Lisa glanced at Y/n, wondering if Y/n would say anything while also hoping she wouldn't because the vixen rarely held back.

"Not really, we just—" Lisa got cut off by Y/n who sat up straight, her glossy and plump lips parting as heads turned when she spoke. They usually did when it came to the girl who had become known as unattainable because of being hard to get close to and also being taken. Her exotic beauty made her stand out and not fit in at a college but a runway.

"I do have some points to make about this whole lecture." Jennie nodded at that as she leaned against the Professor's desk and took the glasses off from her head. She pointed at Y/n with them and gave a nod of affirmation. "Go ahead then, I am always open to criticism and feedback." She gave her averment with her eyes on no one else but the girl whose eyes were alluring from across a room, leaking with seduction that had the older woman stunned.

"I think that having Miss Kim hold a lecture was genuinely a terrible idea." Y/n started as she saw no point in the woman coming and telling the class about her life, and then lecturing them a bit about entrepreneurship and stockbroking. Jennie hummed, nodding along to what the girl said, listening to every word she said with her eyes not leaving the girl for even a second. They were drilling into her but not in an angry way, they just stared.

"Why is that?" The woman at the front asked and Y/n sucked air through her teeth.

"I believe it might give many the wrong impression that anyone can drop out and become a billionaire."

"Anyone can." Jennie prompted and Y/n shook her head as she had read about it all before and what Jennie had been talking about wasn't anything new to her. The only thing new to her was the little life story she told about dropping out, how she started and where she was now. Things Y/n would never have any use of.

"Yes, anyone can drop out and try, but not everyone will succeed and what they risk is dropping a sustainable future for something that only approximately 0.035% of the whole world is. The odds are against most people in this room even if they were to become at least millionaires which is like 1.1% of the world despite the numbers of millionaires are growing."

"What would you do differently then?" Jennie asked as each point was valid and the younger girl had a sharp tongue for sure. It would irritate Jennie, but she was too blinded by everything else to be hurt and instead, it only enhanced the vixen's beauty.

"I wouldn't be selling unattainable dreams to students who are desperate for money and willing to try most things— most people in this room lack common sense." Some murmurs followed the words that were directed towards the whole class and it wasn't the first time the vixen had done something to upset a classroom. Jennie smiled at that and cut Kalinski off who was just about to speak up, probably to give Y/n yet another warning for her attitude.

"Would you mind talking with me after this lecture? I believe we could exchange some words that could benefit us both."

"Depends, I'm on a tight schedule Miss."

"Five minutes?"

"Fine." With that Jennie went right back to where she had been stopped when the two giggling girls distracted the whole class.

"What the fuck are you two going to talk about?" Lisa asked in a hushed tone as she had no clue what the two could contribute to each other. She knew that Y/n would probably take it seriously or continue ridiculing the woman just because she could. "Don't know, I'm just hungover and tired." Y/n groaned and rested her elbows against the table before burning her face in her palms.

It wasn't long until the lecture was over and Y/n had gathered her stuff together with Lisa. The professor and Jennie were talking with each other at the front and it had slipped the girl's mind that the woman wanted to talk to her until Lisa spoke up while they were walking down the stairs to get to the door.

"You agreed to talk with her, so do it," Lisa said and pushed the girl in the other direction before walking herself towards the door. Y/n heaved a sigh that seemed to catch the two older adults' attention. Professor Kalinski glanced at Y/n before he looked back at Jennie, the two shook hands and bid goodbye before the man grabbed his things and left together with the three people who had been with Jennie. They closed the door and left the two alone.

"You seem like a sharp-witted person..." Jennie trailed off and looked at the girl as she was fishing for a name she did not know. This time standing face to face with the girl who looked like a copy of Irina Shayk, but with grey-blueish eyes, her scent was making Jennie lose even more of the track she tried to stay on, but the more she tried to keep an eye contact with the siren eyes the harder it was becoming.

"It's Y/n. I don't know if I can say the same about someone who lectures students about dropping out and shooting at stars in broad daylight." Y/n wholeheartedly said as she still hadn't changed her mind about how stupid this whole thing was aside from the 30 minutes Jennie had been speaking about stockbroking. "Plus to be able to summarise your life story in an hour seems pretty sad and not as story-rich as you try to come off as. Not all rich people need to have a sob story behind their success. You could have just said that you struggled at the start, but had a support system which were rich parents." The girl drilled on in a tone that let Jennie know that she wasn't enthusiastic about this at all because of how monotone it was and low, holding a rasp to it compared to the tone she used earlier.

"That's kind of harsh." Jennie pointed out. She hadn't had anyone stomp her this way before and she couldn't determine how she felt about it, Y/n shrugged.

"I hear that they call reality quite harsh." She gave her a smile that was also as forced as the other ones before.

"That they do, but I think your words are refreshing since not many people are this honest with me." It was a change and reality check even if she didn't necessarily like them, but this one came in handy for the future.

"Well–" Y/n started and ignored the lingering gaze on her body as it wasn't the first time. Jennie looked over the washed-out olive green denim skirt the girl had with a tight spaghetti strap top in a similar colour with a velvety material midriff zip-up that was a darker grey. The pair of white shin-high boots made her taller as she was already taller than the older girl by probably four inches. "Have you considered the thought that if someone is leeching off of you and your money they might sugarcoat everything for you?" She finished and Jennie looked up after trying to finalise in her head if the girl had her nipples pierced or not. She did and Jennie shifted in her spot as her hands found their way into the pockets of her jeans.

"I have been told that it might happen." Y/n nodded at that and gave Jennie a look that stated that she was quite done with their five-minute talk even if it hadn't been five minutes yet. "Wait–" Jennie stopped the girl who was about to turn around and leave and Y/n stalled as she looked at the woman with a hum.

"Would you want to meet up and continue this conversation but go into more depth on a day when you aren't busy?" She questioned and looked at Y/n with hopeful eyes. Y/n contemplated for a few seconds as she didn't know Jennie more than from what she'd heard and what the woman had told about herself. She had a boyfriend too and wasn't sure how he would feel about it, but at the same time it was just a meeting and Y/n never expected or assumed these things.

"I'm not really into fancy restaurants and wine." Y/n declined as she could tell that Jennie would want to meet over some fancy dinner which wasn't her cup of tea at all. The latter scratched her nape and hummed. "Yacht party next Friday?" Jennie offered.

"Motion sickness." Y/n declined, making it hard for Jennie who let out a gruffly hum in thought at how impossible it felt to get to talk to the girl. It felt like roles had been switched and that the vixen was the busy billionaire although she knew that she was just as busy with studying as she was with work.

"Club opening on Saturday, invite-only, we can enter from the back to avoid any cameras." Something was telling the girl that if both her Friday and Saturday were booked by parties, the girl wasn't just some fancy CEO but lived a life filled with parties that Y/n could not afford or experience since she didn't have the same status.

"I guess." Jennie nodded at that with a small smile. "Do I get your number then?"

"Sure." Y/n was handed the phone and she quickly typed in her number before she handed the phone back and the door to the classroom opened. The two looked at the entrance where a tall and lean guy peeked inside, brown curls, dressed in a pair of washed-out blue jeans and a black tee with vans. He smiled and Y/n returned it.

"Lisa said you would be here, sorry if I am disturbing you two, I will wait outside." He apologised and closed the door after him again. Y/n looked back at Jennie who had a small frown.

"I think that's all, you can text me, I don't answer calls, anyway, my boyfriend is waiting, bye." The woman didn't get to say anything else as the girl was already walking towards the door, leaving only her sweet and flowery aroma.

"So, you're going with this Jennie Kim? How old is she, Y/n and who is she?" Asher asked the girl who was busy finishing her make-up by the vanity table as she applied lip gloss. Her boyfriend was always present and watching her get ready ever since they met as he would leave sweet and cheesy compliments about how good she looked and how much he loved her.

"29 I think? She held a lecture last week since she's this billionaire that owns a stockbroker company and shares in many other companies that do different things from entertainment to entrepreneurship." Y/n explained what she had heard about the woman who was going up in net worth every living second. The woman who could sleep on money Y/n could only dream about, money most people could only dream about.

"You haven't heard about her?" She questioned and looked at the guy older through the mirror. There was a whole buzz about the woman as she even had TV ads, interviews, being a guest on programs, shoots and whatnot. Her company was more known than her, but she still had a great following and wasn't just some old CEO, but someone attractive who was among celebrities with invites to luxury events. It felt hard to miss her and Y/n just so happened to be going out with her, but she wasn't too invested in Jennie as a person. She always had an interest in the topic of economics and always took opportunities when she had them.

"No...I'm not interested in all that stuff, you know that I am more invested in volleyball." She hummed at that as the guy was prone to playing professionally soon enough as he was being offered deals and was playing for the university's official team. "I just want to know that you will be fine and nothing bad will happen to you." That was the guy's only worry, Y/n's safety as it was the most important thing to him.

"I will be all fine." She reassured him and got up from the chair as she turned off the mirror lights. The vixen walked over to her boyfriend who looked up at her as he sat at the edge of the bed, facing the vanity table. She grabbed his hand as he intertwined their fingers, his hand being much bigger than hers, the guy was bigger in general as he was a middle blocker at 6 '5. "I don't know if you have to wait 'cause I'm not sure when I will be back." The girl said. It was already 9:50 p.m. and her phone notification went off as she was supposed to be picked up at 10.

"So, your boyfriend just lets you go out to clubs with anyone?" Jennie asked as the two were almost near the said club. Y/n got busy with her phone through the middle of the conversation although not in a rude way, but simply because she had to mute it and send a quick reply to her group chat with friends so they would let her breathe.

"Why wouldn't he?" She questioned and put her phone beside her bare thigh, this time dressed in all black. A denim skater mini skirt, lace corset top and an oversized leather jacket. She couldn't tell if Jennie was heading to a club or if she was heading for a quick run for groceries as she was dressed in simple loose jeans again and a long sleeve with a black blazer just as loose. Jennie shrugged at that, deciding not to comment further on it.

Y/n wasn't stupid, she had caught Jennie's lingering gaze a long time ago, it was evident when they first spoke, but she honestly always ignored those gazes as she always stayed collected. It wasn't like she could do anything about it since she didn't control people even if certain gazes made her uncomfortable at times. She knew better and if she paid any mind to those she wouldn't be talking to many people at all. People got over their crushes and befriended her instead. Somewhere along the conversations with Jennie at the club that had gone surprisingly smoothly and weren't conversations where Y/n was hissy, some things did go wrong.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Y/n exclaimed as she stared into the mirror in front of her. Her pupils were blown, her body felt warm and fuzzy, warm enough for the leather jacket to get discarded in the club, her heart was beating hard and not too steady and she kept her jaw clenched to not bite off her tongue because of how her jaw was jumping basically from the bruxism. The feeling was all too familiar as she had taken it before, but it had all been willingly and not this way.

"I swear, I told her to hand you the water, but not that water." Jennie tried to excuse it as the water with ecstasy got handed to Y/n instead of the regular one. The girl was under the influence of alcohol so the taste didn't occur to her until she felt its effects. At least she had gotten closer to Jennie which made it less stupid to be high at the moment.

Y/n turned around, her siren eyes looking at the woman who she had been drinking with tonight while talking— not only was she drunk, but now also high on molly. She patted over her body, her touch feeling like brushing feathers over her body that felt like a warm and fuzzy cloud as if she was dipped in a warm and comforting bath, a sheet of sweat covering her from how warm it was. "My phone is in your car. Do you have gum? And please for the love of God, can we do something that does not include standing in this bathroom." Y/n rambled, stumbling over her tongue before clenching her jaw again to not injure herself, but the hard clenching wasn't much better because it felt like her teeth would crack.

Although she couldn't care about it since she felt too good and suddenly she wasn't too mad as she felt like every little thing that had ever bothered her, or happened, or her shitty mental health had all disappeared and she felt invincible to everything harmful. She felt free and open. Jennie bit her lower lip, looking into grey eyes that were black from the blown pupils.

"Come on," Jennie said and grabbed Y/n's hand, it felt like she was wrapped in cotton candy and the urge to just cling onto the woman was getting overwhelming Jennie guided her through the club. It took longer than necessary as Y/n talked to everyone they stopped by as people would greet them, but in the end, they reached the club's roof terrace that had been off limits because of uncertain weather. The wind blew cold against Jennie's skin, but against Y/n's it felt like feathers brushed her skin. Y/n gently chewed the gum she asked for from a girl they ran into who seemed to be in the same situation as her.

"Why did we run away from the social party?" Y/n questioned as she felt like talking to everything and everyone.

"I don't want you to get a heat stroke," Jennie replied and guided the girl along with her towards the couches that were under a roof. Y/n's hand was cold in her hold, holding a water bottle in her other hand that only had water this time, but the girl was heated up to the point where the clothes she had on now felt too warm to wear despite barely having anything on.

"Have you taken ecstasy before?" The older woman asked to make sure that Y/n would be fine, she glanced over her shoulder to see the girl looking around the place with her lips parted. Her eyes sparkled as everything felt much more mesmerising and meaningful, to the point where meaningless things felt meaningful as the stars were close to making her tear up from how pretty they looked in the night sky. Y/n sighed as she felt great.

"Yeah, a few times, but I always get fried after so I try to only take it once or twice a year," Y/n explained, adding more than needed as Jennie sat down on the terrace couch and pulled Y/n down beside her. She opened the water bottle and handed it to the girl who sat slumped on the couch. Y/n took it, her mouth constantly running dry as her heart continued to pound in her ribcage. The emotions felt so real and heightened and she handed the water right back to Jennie after taking a sip.

Jennie didn't mind when Y/n grabbed her hand and wrapped it around her shoulders before leaning against her. Her body felt like a cloud that was embraced by another warmth as she wanted nothing more than to be held and in someone's company. It was like gentle waves that washed into shore and were heated by the sun, sparkling in the light. "I don't think we should stay long, you might get too cold...Your body isn't regulating heat or cold like it should." Jennie commented and pulled the girl closer to herself as Y/n's body started to get cold yet was still covered in a sheet of sweat and her hands felt a bit clammy.

Her eyes looked over the girl who was leaning against her, she couldn't lie and say that it didn't feel like another ego boost to hold a girl who looked like a Victoria angel. Her long legs brushed against Jennie's, exposed and glistening, her scent lingering around them, her cleavage being somewhat in the view from the top-

"It must be nice to be this rich," Y/n mumbled as she thought about who it was that sat with their arms wrapped around her as she laid with her cheek pressed against Jenne's clavicle. Her ears picked up the calming beat of Jennie's heart and the older felt like a fluffy bear the way she held her. The drug made her more touchy and open for it as she wouldn't otherwise be so clingy with the woman, but it felt too nice.

"Yes and no...It's like you said; some people only leech off of me and don't care about more than the benefits of being close to me. Dating is also quite shitty. It gets lonely at times. Money does buy happiness, it also gets you friends and partners, but it tends to be fabricated." Y/n tilted her head back at that and looked at Jennie who looked back down at her. She chuckled at the girl who was chewing the gum with her mouth closed as her jaw was still impossible to unclench.

Y/n pouted. "I feel bad for you now." Jennie laughed at the tone of the girl and reached her hand over to her face.

"You will hurt yourself, try to open your mouth a little, Y/n."

"I can't." Y/n whined as it felt hopeless and overwhelming with how she couldn't control her clenched jaw.

Jennie gripped her jaw and could feel the vibration from how hard it was clenched. "That feels good," Y/n mumbled and closed her eyes, Jennie brushed her fingers along her smooth face. The feeling was still like feathers as her skin felt so soft and made each hair on her body stand. It was making her melt.

"You're really beautiful." Jennie complimented as she felt more daring now that the girl's cold demeanour was gone because of the drugs and she was acting all soft, whiny and mushy. Y/n sighed and opened her eyes as she stared at Jennie who she found very beautiful too. "I know, but it's hard to be this pretty, I am sure you understand." Jennie couldn't help but laugh as she continued to gently trace her fingers over the girl's face and down.

Jennie decided to use this chance and ask the girl some questions as she was somewhat drunk–answering questions too and Y/n was high and not as cold and closed off anymore. Maybe she could insinuate and get close enough to the girl.

"What's with the mean girl attitude though?" She asked and traced her fingers down Y/n's neck who lay with her head against her shoulder. The two looked at each other and Y/n sighed once again through her nose, enjoying the way Jennie softly ran her fingers over her sensitive body. They went over her collarbones, running down the neckline that stopped in the middle of her chest and back up, it brought shivers over her body and Y/n felt like she would melt from how good it felt to be held and touched.

"I've been a bully since middle school and I guess it just stuck to me and now I am what people like to call a mean girl..." She explained.

"Is that it?" She asked as it felt like a short answer.

"I'm not mean to my friends or family, well, I am at times but in a joking manner. I just guess it's easier to push people away when you aren't approachable. I also decided to live up to the stereotype and be a mean pretty girl instead of a dumb blonde since I otherwise would get categorized as dumb simply because of the way I look. My looks are preceding." She listened to every word that came from Y/n, getting a better understanding of what it felt like to be her. Y/n opened up and let Jennie take a step inside and see what her world could look like.

Jennie's was much different.

"Why do you push people away?" She watched the way Y/n jutted out her lower lip. The intense emotions surged through her whole body. "Because people come and they go, but I don't like the going part, I hate it, I truly hate being left alone."

"I can see how being mean helps with that."

Y/n gazed her eyes over the older woman who stared at her with an intensity that felt dangerous from how it made her body tingle when she would usually ignore it. The warmth just felt too good to pull away from. She hummed at Jennie's words that crawled gently over her skin.

"Did you agree to come because of the benefits of seeing someone like me?" Jennie asked in a whisper and ran her hand up to Y/n's face. She traced her jaw as she waited for the answer, feeling like the girl would be honest with her since she was under the influence of the love drug and people tended to just spill their feelings when they were. Jennie knew because she did and tried to avoid the drug unless she was around people she trusted dearly. The water with ecstasy was truly an accident, but maybe it wasn't such a bad accident.

"Yeah, but for the benefit of your knowledge even if your lecture was fucking stupid. You know things I don't and I don't mind learning from someone who has experience, but I don't care about your fame or money or your personal life...I get nothing out of it since I am content with my life."

"I have a lot of experience Y/n if you don't care about those things, experience in a vast majority of things and knowledge too that I wouldn't mind sharing." Jennie licked her lips, her tone dropping to a more hushed one as it was low in pitch too. Y/n found herself swallowing down her dry throat as the woman ran her thumb over her bottom lip.

"I don't think that's—" Y/n started, but Jennie stopped her.

"You should open your mouth before you hurt yourself, Y/n," Jennie said and grabbed hold of her jaw once again. This time Y/n parted her lips and Jennie leaned closer as she turned her body. "We should replace your gum too." She added and gestured to the girl who pushed the piece of gum out from between her lips and Jennie proceeded to take it and toss it away. It wasn't a bad accident as it let her insinuate much easier and let her get into this position with the model-like girl.

Then came yet another wrong turn as Jennie helped Y/n lay down who held onto her shoulders, settling herself between the girl's long legs. She looked at her as she pushed her hair away with one hand, the other resting beside her head. "Will you mind? If you do, just tell me to back off because I am not forcing you into anything, Y/n." Jennie spoke, leaning closer to Y/n's plump and glossy lips, her enticing scent sweet and floral, the vanilla lingering on her lips. Y/n's mind felt fuzzy and her body even more heated in the moment with Jennie on top of her who smelled of citrus, spices, cedar and musk. It held a comfort, the scent was calming.

"You will stop if I tell you to?" Y/n asked to make sure as she couldn't figure out if she would back out in the middle or not as everything was overwhelming.

"I promise you, star," Jennie reassured the girl who nodded.

It felt too good to deny with her fingers already threading into Jennie's hair, relishing in the feeling of all the textures that felt like the euphoria that she was in. Jennie leaned in and closed the gap between them, catching the girl's lips with hers as Y/n pulled her closer to herself. Her heart was pounding against Jennie who was on top of her with her hand gently running along her waist which was enough for the younger girl to sigh in contentment at the feelings.

Jennie tilted her head, pushing her tongue into Y/n's mouth with her hand running under the corset top. It felt lavish against her body, it felt too good to have hands run over her body and Jennie's warm and slick tongue pressing against hers. The older girl pushed herself more into Y/n, pushing her semi against her as the alcohol had made her horny to the point where she had been walking with it since the bathroom.

Y/n lightly hummed, feeling Jennie press against the heat between her legs, making her push more into the older girl whose hand found it to her breast. Jennie pulled away from her lips, watching Y/n's face, her pupils blown in a daze and her fingers played with the girl's pierced nipple and she smiled. "You're so sexy, I had a hard time looking anywhere else in that classroom." Jennie's voice sent goosebumps over Y/n's skin who leaned back in and caught her lips. The girl cupped her breast, brushing her thumb over the jewellery and hard nipple.

Their breathing grew heavier, Y/n's chest heaving as her lips let go of Jennie's, too overwhelmed by all the touch over her body. The girl pushed her one leg apart more until it fell down the couch and Jennie made herself more comfortable between her legs, this time Y/n could feel Jennie's cock pressed against her heat fully as her skirt rode up her thighs. "Feels good," Y/n mumbled as her eyes closed at the lips that trailed along her neck. They were wet kisses like a paintbrush gently painting her skin. Jennie hummed at the words that gently brushed their way into her ears, Y/n being lost in bliss.

The vixen moved her head and Jennie looked up at her. Y/n's heart was picking up more and more, the throbbing becoming too much between her legs as it had left her underwear damp. "I want you to fuck me, Jennie." She breathed out and Jennie kissed her once again, the words making her dick throb at how much she wanted to do what the girl asked for.

She sucked on her bottom lip, savouring the taste of vanilla from the lipgloss while reaching her hand between their bodies, the other still resting beside Y/n's head. The music was completely muted in their world, the faint talking coming from below them from outside the club, the nightlife of the city being at full speed while the two were melting in their acidic clouds of lust. The world didn't disappear, but they went through a door to a new one. It was an invite to Sin City.

Jennie unzipped her pants, pushing them down just enough together with her boxer briefs at the front to take her leaking cock out that was scalding in her hold, the vein throbbing. Blindly she pushed Y/n's skirt up more and the girl whimpered when Jennie brushed her fingers over her wet pussy as she pulled the lace underwear to the side. The only thing on her mind was to bury herself deep within Y/n's warmth as imaging it hadn't been enough.

She pulled away from her lips, still brushing over them as they both held them parted, breaths fanning against each other from their hitched breathing. She guided her sensitive tip to her entrance while pumping herself. Y/n's breath fell short when she felt the stretch, Jennie's tip slowly pushing into her tight hole as the two moaned. Y/n drowned in how it overtook her body as Jennie moved her hips in one smooth motion, filling her and making her moan and whine at the painful stretch that somehow felt good at the same time.

Jennie stalled her movement at the snug grip on her cock, the girl being tight as her pussy greedily took her throbbing in-need cock. All she wanted to do was milk the girl full with her cum. The older woman wanted to remove their clothes and be able to see the way her cock stretched the girl out who was holding back on whimpers. To be able and see how her thick cock spread her lips and pushed inside. Her pussy was wet and warm, fitting her tightly. "You're so tight, Y/n, you feel so good." She moaned, placing both her forearms beside the girl's head as she buried her face in her neck.

"Fuck, oh god, fuck, make me feel good, Jennie." Y/n practically begged at the stinging stretch, feeling the scalding dick deep inside her. The woman on top of her let out something between a moan and a groan when she started to move. Y/n's hands clutched onto her shoulders as her head got thrown back. The thrusts picked up to deep and rough, with each a light moan followed by how full she felt and the way Jennie's pelvis was brushing against her clit. Her cock dragged along her walls, getting swallowed by her slick cunt, the girl feeling the way the bulbous pink tip caressed her g-spot as it curved just the right amount. It was making her whole body tingle and clit throb at Jennie's touch.

Jennie let out heavy breaths and grunts, the tight and sweltering walls slick and throbbing around her swollen cock. A moan followed from her lips and she clenched her jaw with her eyes closing tightly at how good it felt to be fucking the girl that had managed to give her a semi with the way she rolled her eyes in the classroom. Y/n's hands gripped onto Jennie's shirt, her moans falling into Jennie's ears as her legs spasmed with her back arching, chest pressing against Jennie's. Her thrusts got harsher but the pace stayed in the same tempo of a beating heart. Y/n let out a gasp at the pleasurable pain of getting stuffed by the older woman's cock who knew exactly how to position herself to fuck her right. It made her walls clamp down around her with each thrust.

It started to wash over her, it went through every nerve in her body, her veins getting filled with more chemicals as her whole body tingled the closer she got. "Your pussy is amazing, God, I want to fuck you right every single day." Jennie groaned out, her stomach twisting as she couldn't hold herself longer from how good Y/n felt around her. She felt almost disappointed with herself because she wanted to keep fucking the vixen whose cunt was taking away her breath, but her orgasm was coming quickly.

Unable to last as long as she usually did– it didn't seem to matter when Y/n's walls clasped around her and she felt nails dig into her shoulders. The moans were light and whiny, Y/n unable to grasp how good it felt or what exactly she was feeling when it came crashing like a harsh wave over her whole body. Jennie's jaw clasped closed, the sound coming out strained when her hips stuttered this time, the first rope of cum shooting right into her and she buried herself balls deep inside the pussy that was pulsating around her cock that continued to spurt out thick ropes of cum. It only made the vixen feel even more filled at how the warm cum splattered her walls white.

Y/n opened her eyes as more washed over her, this time not an orgasm or pleasure as her heart started to beat harder and faster than after the orgasm. She stared at the roof over them that was blocking the sky. That's when it stopped feeling good as Yn knew the whole time that Asher was waiting for her at home whom she loved and who loved her dearly yet she still proceeded with something that felt good in the moment but left her feeling sick after because of herself.

"Did you cum inside me?" She asked to make sure the woman panting into her neck as she laid on top of her came inside her. At the back of her head, she knew that she did because she could still feel her inside, the thick member growing soft. Her hands gripped her shirt, slowly unable to handle all the emotions that were so much stronger from the drug coursing through her veins. All she could do was feel guilty and regret allowing herself to go as far as this. Y/n knew she had no excuse for it except for the selfishness that washed over her at the moment; lust.

Jennie swallowed and slowly pulled her limp dick out of the girl. She pushed herself up and looked down between them as she first fixed Y/n's underwear and skirt. "Yeah—" She simply replied and sat up, leaning back against the backrest of the couch, swiftly putting her cock back inside her drawers as Y/n pushed herself up to sit while trying to not get eaten by the strong emotions. "I assumed you're on birth control since you have a boyfriend," Jennie added while zipping her pants back up, glancing at Y/n who had her eyes elsewhere. She frowned, waiting for a reply from the girl as she now got worried that she wasn't on any birth control.

"I have an implant," Y/n replied and before Jennie could ask more her head snapped towards the door where they had walked out from that got pushed open with loud laughter and talking. The music became less muffled before the door fell closed and it got muffled once again. Y/n's mind was in a daze, drowning in the strong guilt she felt as the people joined them, unable to talk to them as there was a lump in her throat the whole time.

Jennie hadn't managed to say a word to Y/n except to ask if she was ready to leave when the clock struck close to 3 am. She spent the car ride watching the girl whose pupils slowly went back to normal typing away on her phone. Jennie was unsure of what to say so she didn't say anything. It didn't feel necessary to ask anything since they barely knew each other and had only talked about some common interests and to other people who joined them and then the sex.

She assumed that sex was the problem, but it wasn't her problem since she was satisfied.

Y/n reached for the door handle right away when the car stopped outside her and Asher's apartment complex. However, she got stopped by Jennie who grabbed hold of her wrist because she still had to make sure of one thing that she had been worried about. She knew that she should be more careful. Y/n looked back at the woman.

"Are you sure that you're on birth control? I mean, I could ask my manager to get you plan B's right now if you aren't." Y/n rolled her eyes at the question. She sharply exhaled through her nose and grabbed hold of Jennie's hand and brought it up to her arm, guiding two fingers over the implant and letting Jennie feel that it was there. She dropped the woman's hand and opened the door, without a word more she got out and slammed the door closed after her.

Y/n had made it inside the silent apartment, kicked off her shoes and gone straight to the shower to wash away the filth she felt like she was. She knew that she wouldn't be able to get rid of it though because she couldn't reverse the fact that she had cheated on the guy she had been with for four years. The one who trusted her every time she went out without him. The one whose heart she had in her hands and knew would crush if she told him. Y/n wasn't ready to lose him, she didn't want to. She loved him even if it made her even more selfish. She had already been selfish once and saw no reason to stop.

She had put on her pyjama pants and shirt that she had left in the bathroom earlier and went straight to the couch. Unable to walk the way to the bedroom and lay down beside someone clueless while being aware of what she had done. It didn't feel right to go to the home she had with him after letting in someone uninvited. Vinci lay beside her as she buried her face in his fur and let the tears slowly bleed from her eyes.

She blocked Jennie's number, not because she cheated on her boyfriend with her, but because she had a feeling she would do it again if she saw the woman. Despite the terrible feelings and how horrible it made her—she couldn't deny how good it felt and it made her feel even worse about it all.

[Present]

"But you are labelled the same way he is."

"Why are you so obsessed with him?" Y/n questioned as Jennie couldn't keep it out of her mouth whenever she saw the girl. Jennie knew that Y/n was the type of girl who had a mouth too good for her good in many ways, but one was that she could say things that would get on her nerves. She turned the swivel chair as her hand let go of Y/n's jaw and this time grabbed hold of her neck before a clatter followed when she pushed the chair into the vanity table.

"Watch what you're saying. I'm not obsessed with him, I'm just stating the fact that you are dating someone stupid enough to let his girlfriend walk without being there to make sure no one else is wetting their dick in her."

"That's because he trusts me not to let it happen which I guess you've always had a hard time with...Is that why you run to someone taken instead of finding someone who wants you?" For a second, Y/n could feel the grip tighten on her neck. The woman stared her down as she was towering over her because she was sitting in the chair. Jennie poked at the inside of her cheek. She knew that she had no right to fight with the girl about these things so she didn't do it this time. She also knew that the vixen had a thing for making her angry, it was either because of the sex that came with it or to degrade the person she was cheating with because she felt horrible but couldn't stop even when she tried.

She grabbed Jennie's wrist, the older woman looking into the eyes that turned docile and she loosened her grip on her throat. The two weren't sure when the arguing started as it happened at times but it did some time after they started to see each other. "There's no reason to take it there Y/n when you could instead take my cock and if you want to study you could sit on it and do it. Be a good cock-warmer instead." Jennie suggested as she didn't come over to fight with the girl, but Y/n was petty–towards Jennie that is. All she came for was to stick her dick into the girl and spend time with it there.

Jennie liked meaningless sex.

"How bout I go out, buy a strap, and have you sit on it while I study?" Y/n suggested right back as she tilted her head. The only thing she planned on doing was studying and she only replied to Jennie to have her stop texting, but it backfired as the older woman came knocking on her door instead. Y/n was always occupied with school, work, friends and her boyfriend. She had no time for Jennie aside from the times when Asher had competitions and it was the season for them so it happened more often now. He'd be away for a day, two or more on tournaments and Y/n would try to make it with their friends to some.

Jennie's schedule was more versatile considering she mostly worked from home and got to schedule and reschedule however she liked. People wanted her time, not the other way around with one exception which was Y/n.

"Why are you being an asshole when I am just offering you some quality time together?" Y/n removed Jennie's hand from her neck and the woman stepped back when Y/n got up from the chair. Jennie didn't mind that the girl was taller, it was hot in her opinion. "You must be really into ass stuff if you keep coming back to fuck me then." She grabbed hold of Jennie's shoulders and pushed the woman until the back of her knees hit the bed and Jennie sat down. Her hands found their way to the girl's ass as she held it while looking up at her.

"Not like you are letting me." She muttered as Y/n hadn't even let her take off her top or touch her the way she liked. If Jennie knew, she would have never gotten involved with the vixen because she had been running right back to her despite having the option of many other girls. She couldn't figure out if it was the sex, the pussy, Y/n's skills, or maybe the girl in general even if she at times left the place with more pent-up anger than when she came over.

The vixen wasn't one to fight, she deemed herself to not be toxic until she stumbled upon Jennie. She couldn't tell if it was the guilt and shame she felt from cheating whenever she was with Asher—those feelings that disappeared with Jennie. She had never had any serious or real fights, some bickering and misunderstandings always happened—it changed though. It felt like they were fighting every other day now and Y/n knew that it was all her, that it was her fault. She loved him, she loved him too much to break his heart and hoped that he would do it instead, but she knew that it couldn't go on like this.

Y/n looked down, being able to see the print of Jennie's semi-hard dick through the grey sweats. "Not sure I will either." She replied and pushed Jennie to lay down on her back before coming up to straddle her. The woman let out a huff at the pressure put on her dick which had been growing hard ever since she left her place and started to think about the girl. Y/n's warm and light body planted itself on top of her and she groaned at the feeling that made her body react.

"Shouldn't you be at some big private party fucking other girls?" Y/n asked and Jennie released a shaky breath at how she started to gyrate her hips, grinding down on her growing cock. Jennie was a busy person, she had girls willing to suck her off at every corner and yet she was showing up to Y/n's apartment. It seemed stupid in Y/n's opinion to miss out on those parties and that life, she knew that if she were in Jennie's shoes she wouldn't be missing out on it.

Her eyes stayed on where Y/n was pressed down against her, watching how she as smoothly as waves moved her clothed cunt against her restrained cock. "They're no fun alone...What're you doing tomorrow?" She breathed out.

Y/n smiled and leaned closer, her hips not stopping as she could feel Jennie's erection right against her heat. The older woman's chest heaved and her grip got tighter on Y/n's ass, fondling her cheeks as groping at the siren's body only turned her on even more. To trace each perfect curve, the slim body was easy to hold and bend. "I'm busy tomorrow, my friends are sleeping here and then we are going out on Saturday," Y/n replied, rolling her hips against Jennie's throbbing cock, the friction growing as her hips stuttered into Y/n, dry humping at her. The older woman wanted nothing more than for the girl to take it in either her mouth or snug cunt. She loved both.

"Don't go." It strained, coming from the back of her throat as she suppressed the moan that was close to pushing through from the friction. Her cock leaking with the salty pre-cum and staining as Y/n glanced down to see a small wet spot. It made her continue, Jennie was unable to look away from how smoothly her hips rolled back and forth with ease, there was no stutter or messy humping aside from the way her hips buckled up. It made her grip tighten even more as she held back on the sounds that wanted to escape her lips since the girl hadn't even touched her skin.

"What?"

"I told you not to go. Call and cancel." Jennie let out, between her uneven heavy breaths, her hips bucking into the girl who was whining against the big erection. The woman was a shower in general and the print was always there, but it got very prominent now that she was erect. There was nothing better than Jennie pushing it all right into her and stretching her out, but Y/n's ego got in the way right now.

"Why would I do as you tell me?" Y/n questioned, staring down at the older woman whose vein was popping out at the side of her throat. She reached her one hand to her throat, brushing her fingers over it. The request seemed fairly odd, but it wasn't new that Jennie tried to order her around. Jennie tried to get control she didn't have because she didn't have Y/n to begin with because she was intruding on a home.

"I'm not telling you what to do." Jennie defended and was about to lift herself, her eyes trained on their parts that were pressing against each other, Y/n's ass dragging along her and pressing down harder. The patch of precum on her sweats had grown bigger and the outline was lined up perfectly for the girl. She was ready to either fuck the girl or bust any second which she was not up for since she would find it embarrassing if she came in her underwear. She didn't get to sit up though as the fingers that were tracing her vein grabbed hold of her throat and held her down.

"You did." Y/n knew what she heard and what she did hear sounded much like a demand that Jennie had no position to place.

"I asked," Jennie argued in a quiver, her tone defensive and in a rasp as her dick was throbbing, the friction only continued to grow as Y/n pressed down harder against her. This time a grunt escaped her as she couldn't hold back, Y/n's breath hitching every time she dragged over the mushroom tip and rubbed at her covered clit that was pulsating at how needy she had gotten just from rubbing against her.

"That wasn't asking, that was ordering." Her eyes snapped up at Y/n who wasn't letting it go.

"You must've heard me wrong. I said, "Could you call and cancel?" Y/n chuckled at those words, finding it ridiculous that Jennie was trying to lie. She knew what she had heard her say. The woman always defended her wrongs and never righted them.

"You didn't." Y/n calmly said as she knew that Jennie was losing her cool because her orgasm was approaching and she wasn't getting things the way she wanted them to be. That was her worst nightmare in the end. Y/n wasn't giving in and was putting up a fight when most girls didn't because they didn't have the guts to go against someone who was of higher status. They were there for money, but Y/n wasn't. Y/n matter factly couldn't care less about who Jennie was and her money.

Jennie was a loser in her opinion.

"Then what did I say?" Jennie gritted out and tried to stall Y/n's hips and she let go of her throat, the brunette's fingertips digging into her plump ass.

"Don't go, call and cancel," Y/n repeated and grabbed Jennie's hands, prying them away from her ass. The only time she had some sort of strength or control was when Jennie was at the edge and unable to use her strength right. She pulled them away from herself so the woman under her wouldn't be able to stop her and pinned them down above her head, watching how her chest heaved much quicker.

"It wasn't meant as an order, must've been my tone." Jennie's hooded eyes caught Y/n's, glancing at her plump lips that held a haughty smirk.

"Sure." She said in a whisper, not caring since it wasn't her embarrassment, but Jennie's because she knew what she had heard. Somehow she had learned what ticked Jennie off who was holding back whimpers and whines at the moment. She had her in a moment of weakness because Jennie was about to cum which she wanted to do but not in her underwear.

"Asking you to stay is not a big deal." Y/n hummed at that and Jennie's brows furrowed, lips parting to speak only to close as she shakily inhaled, feeling that knot tightening in her stomach before it would at last snap.

"You're just sensitive. I was trying to have you stay to spend the day or go to a party that will be better than wherever you are going. I was trying to be nice and you twisted it and made me look bad." She only let the woman blabber on desperately as she was going out of her way to explain herself even if Y/n had dropped it. She only hummed once again as she knew that Jennie was going out of her way because she had heard it all right.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum—get off." Jennie groaned and tried to get her hands out of Y/n's grip. It was a weak try because the knot was getting overwhelming after she hadn't had any release for a good week which was when she last saw the girl on top of her. Her breathing grew deeper and harsher as she could feel it throbbing down her cock that hardened even more and her balls tightened. All her strength going on trying to hold back instead of trying to get out of Y/n's hold.

"Isn't that what you wanted though?" Y/n mocked and bit her lower lip, managing to wrap her slender fingers around Jennie's wrists to have her one hand free.

"Not like this." She pushed

"You want to cum inside?" Jennie pathetically nodded before burying her face in her shoulder and biting down on her hoodie to try and hold back. "Too bad you will never get to," Y/n stated as they always had protection. Her hand reached for Jennie's jaw, grasping it and being met by her dark eyes when she pulled her away from her shoulder. She tried to pull away to hide her face as she was starting to get embarrassed and the last thing she wanted was for Y/n to get even more out of it by having her make these sounds she had never made before until the vixen on top of her let her get a taste of her.

"Y/n–" She didn't get to finish when the said girl moved her hips once more, all the way to her throbbing tip. Y/n's grip tightened on her cheeks to make sure that Jennie would let out all of her pathetic little whimpers and whines when she came since she always muffled them. Jennie's head went blank as the sounds flew out of her mouth, whimpering as her hips bucked with each spurt of cum into her underwear that grew warm and sticky. Her back arched and she convulsed, Y/n slowing down and removing some pressure. Jennie whined at how she came in a way that made her whole body numb and more cum leak out when she bucked once again into the girl.

"It's so funny how you try to come off all superior, but then whimper like a little bitch and cum in your underwear like a teenager...Is it some kind of complex?" Y/n continued to mock, watching how Jennie panted for air under her and the vixen lifted herself, glancing down to see a big stain that had formed on the grey material.

"You're a fucking bitch." Jennie gritted out, still out of breath as she struggled her wrists out of Y/n's grip with ease. She grabbed her hips and harshly pushed her off of herself before sitting up. She cringed at the big load she had blown and the stain it caused. It pissed her off as she looked at Y/n with her eyes hard. Never had she let any other girls take it so far or have her humiliated in this way, but it happened all the time with the girl who had her dick under some spell. Over her dead body would anything like this happen, but here she was all alive and it was happening every time with Y/n.

"Not my fault you came as if you haven't had sex in years." Y/n shrugged as she hadn't expected Jennie to release so much from just some simple dry humping.

Jennie grumbled under her breath, making Y/n hum in confusion as she leaned back against her headboard.

"Cause, I haven't had sex in a week, you fucking whore."

"So sweet." Y/n continued and counted the days before she frowned. "Wait– you're telling me the last time you had sex was at the hotel?" This time she questioned as the two had run into each other and Jennie booked a room for the night–Y/n excusing herself and saying she was staying over at Lisa's place when Asher asked. She knew that if he had called Lisa she would've covered for her.

"What about it?" Jennie asked and took out her phone, wallet, and car keys before tossing them onto the side table. The frown did not leave her eyebrows, the mess uncomfortable.

"Nothing, I just assumed since you've been to so many events and stuff during the week that you managed to see someone else." She looked at Y/n, wondering if she truly didn't care whether she saw someone else or not.

Jennie wasn't going to tell her the truth.

"I haven't had time, so I would appreciate it if we could at least go at it once." This time she asked with her nicest voice. Y/n tilted her head as she looked at the mess she created in Jennie's sweats–she would lie if she said that she wasn't wet and her clit wasn't throbbing. It was especially hot after seeing Jennie be the mess she was while also being back to calling her these names and manhandling her.

TAGSLIST! @yxlis @jisooftme @geeminz @lisas-earlobe @xszn @badasgff @badaspookie @hwm1hyun / taglist is open

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faerunnn · 9 months

Text

Memories

(GIF found Here! :D )

Hello, so i am back. With something a lil angsty, a lil fluffy. You guys should know the drill by now. Please let me know your thoughts :D

Astarion x Fem!Reader

Wordcount: 2464

It has been quite some time since the battle of Baldur's Gate. You all went your separate ways, occasionally catching up with one another but as time and lives went on, slowly drifting more apart. Everyone was slowly finding the lives they wanted to live. Some moved away from the city, wanting to forget it all. Some stayed around. Including you. Baldur's gate was the only place you ever truly was able to call home. And while your wanderlust had taken you to many places, you always found your way back to the city.

You sometimes wondered how the others were doing. Wandering what could have been, wondering what was never meant to be. You miss your old companions sometimes. But their happiness was what kept you smiling when thinking back on your adventures. There was barely any room for heartache when everyone got what they wanted. Everyone but you.

After the battle against the Elder brain you and Astarion never fully established what it was that the two of you had. The connection that was shared. There was something there, for sure. But the both of you being too stubborn to talk about it, acknowledge it. That same stubbornness led to the both of you drifting apart. Slowly but surely, until you stopped hoping that he might show up at your doorstep. Stopped visiting his place, stopped meeting at the usual spots. Your pride got in the way of your happiness, once again. The one time you felt like you truly had met your equal. A ‘’soulmate’’, if those were even real. You beat yourself up about for a while, until time got in the way.

It has been over a year since you last saw each other. And it wasn't until tonight that you went back to one of the taverns you and your companions would occasionally meet to catch up. You rather not go there but some of your co-workers insisted you’d tag along for a drink after a very long work day. And it had been a long day indeed. You wanted to just go home, take a bath and curl up in your sheets and sleep for days. But one drink couldn't hurt, right?

The party all gathered outside of the office and you all walked toward the familiar pub. A whiff of alcohol and sweat already hit your nose as you got closer. It must be a busy night. Maybe a famous bard was playing tonight. The music did sound quite lovely opposed to other nights of horrible out of tune lutes being played inside the tavern walls. You all gathered a small table in the corner of the main hall, scooting closer together and just catching up on life while enjoying a somewhat decent drink. The drinks have never been great here, but that somehow made you feel even more nostalgic of the many tears, laughs and memories shared in this space. You wondered if there was a way to get everyone back here sometime soon.

‘’So,’’ one of your male co-workers turned to you. ‘’What is it truly like being the hero of Baldur's gate?” A small smirk present on his lips and a playful look swirling in his eyes. All of your co-workers knew this was a topic you’d rather not talk about. Not because you're ashamed, but there was no need to brag about all the lives it had cost to save the city, guilty or innocent. You swallowed and gave him a tight smile before taking a rather large gulp of your drink. The alcohol is now slowly starting to kick in.

‘’Well, I suppose it is.. Flattering. I wouldn't consider myself a hero. But i am glad the city is somewhat safe again.’’ you said. Not really wanting to dig deep into the topic at all, even if you were slowly starting to feel more tipsy.

‘’Oh, come on! There must be something to tell. What about the tadpole? You were supposed to be dead, respectfully.’’ he carefully said.

‘’Yes, I was. But I am glad I am not. Though I wouldn't recommend anyone carrying a worm inside their head, it did save my life in a way. The experience itself was rather unusual, I suppose. I don't think there's anything I can compare it to.’’ as you start talking you hear a bit more commotion on the other side of the room. But from your angle you can't tell what's going on. Probably another tavern fight between two drunk sailors. Wouldn't be the first time. After a quick glance that way you quickly return to your conversation.

‘’What about your companions? Do you still see them?’’ A female co-worker asked you nervously.

‘’Uhm, we uhm. We occasionally see each other yes.’’ Not a complete lie. But these people didn't need to know the whole truth. ‘’Does anyone want another drink?’’ you quickly ask before any more questions on the topic could arise. You get up from the table and walk up to the bar to order another round for the whole table. Your last, you decided. It has been a long day and sleep was going to creep up on you soon. You look back at your colleagues while you wait and reminisce about the times that table was filled with your companions instead.

After a short while you take the drinks back to the table and join in on the conversation that had been started while you were gone when all of a sudden the commotion rose again. But this time it was loud, and people started getting out of the way. It was then that you noticed it was indeed a fight. While you were about to roll your eyes and take a big gulp of your drink you recognized a certain mop of white hair and pointy ears. Oh god. Your eyes widened. Your body froze. It was him. Fighting an orc almost twice his size.. In the middle of a tavern. He was wearing an all black outfit, which looked almost too good on his body. A dagger held to the neck of the orc as he held him in place. Reminding you of the time the two of you had met. He really hasn't changed much.

You got up from where you were sitting and got a little closer to the situation, trying to blend in with the crowd whilst figuring out what the hell had happened. You saw coins scattered on the table, drinks that once had been in tankards spilled over the floor and chairs.

‘’You better watch your damn mouth around here, elf.’’ The orc said. Trying to push himself back to his feet. ‘’Others might not show you the same mercy.’’ as he pushed Astarion from his frame, he got up. Gathered some of his coins and turned around to leave. Whilst Astarion did the same. You looked back at your colleagues and they were too caught up in their own conversations to notice you left the table again. You made a split decision, not even really thinking while your legs just carried you out of the tavern the same way he left.

He was already well out in the street again while the darkness of the night was about to lure him back into the shadows. You almost panicked, you didn't even know what you were going to say to him once you confronted him with your presence. You just let your feet carry you.

The weather had changed from a somewhat chilly afternoon to a rainy evening. Making your vision even worse. You kept on walking until you reached a crossroads. He has slipped from your vision, unknown which turn he had made, you looked around once more. Hoping to catch a glimpse of his frame. Alas, he was gone. You sighed in defeat as you wanted to turn back around, making your way back to the tavern. Coming up with an excuse as to why your clothes and hair are drenched. A small tear slipped from your eye, blending in perfectly with the raindrops that had been collecting on your cheeks. You looked down at your clothes, now completely soaked. But you didn't care anymore. Something in you stirred. A feeling you had buried deep within the depths of your heart. A flame reigniting slowly. Love. a feeling you had not felt in a while. Even only seeing him, so briefly, it brought everything back up. You looked up into the sky, closed your eyes and took a deep breath before finally turning around, walking back. Maybe you needed this. A very cruel way of the universe telling you to let him go. Fully letting him go. No more small hopes, no more wishing he would magically be on your doorstep. He slipped from your grasp tonight. Maybe rekindling was never an option to begin with.

You took a few steps back toward the tavern, hands wrapped around your own body to somewhat comfort yourself in a way. No more tears were going to be shed on the topic. It had been too long. You deserved happiness, peace. You had fought your battles. And now it was time to find your place in this life.

‘’What's a lady like yourself doing alone on the streets at this hour?’’ a creepy voice behind you said all of a sudden. You quickly froze, and looked around. Trying to find the body that matched the voice. You found none. You quickly tried to make your way back to the tavern but realized it would still be quite the distance. And with the rain clouding your vision, you didn't really know if you were walking in the right direction. Panic rushed through your body as you tried to make out which way to go, not wanting to get lost. Suddenly a hand made its way around your waist. Roughly pulling your body into a much larger frame. You tried to get yourself out of the grasp of the stranger but you were unable to, he was too strong. You looked over your shoulder and recognised him. It was the orc from the tavern fight.

‘’This is a dangerous place for someone like you, you know. I should bring you somewhere safe.’’ he said, getting awfully close to your neck. He held you in a tight embrace, there was no way to get out of his grasp. ‘’I know just the place to treat a nice lady like yourself exactly the way she deserves to be treated. All the things i am going to do to yo–’’ He couldn't finish his sentence, as he started sputtering and coughing up blood. Covering your clothes and hair in drops of his bodily liquids as his body went limp behind you, you quickly got out of his grasp and stumbled forward when your foot got caught on a piece of cobblestone. You stumbled forward and cried out when your body hit the ground, hard. You took a quick peek over your shoulder whilst crawling away and saw the orcs body lay there, lifeless and cold. A tall frame looming over his body. The figure then bent down and retrieved a dagger from the orcs neck. He wiped it clean on his clothes and slit it back into the sheath on his belt. You were terrified. You see the frame walking closer toward you as you try to get up and run away again. There were times where murder didn't bother you. But that life was in your past now. This was not the reality you wanted to live out anymore. Too much blood had been shed by your hands.

As you were trying to regain your balance you noticed that your wrist had taken too much of your weight when you fell. You didn't know if it was broken or just badly sprained, but it hurt like hell either way. The frame got closer to you and that's when you noticed.

The white hair, pale skin. Red eyes that had never been more aflame than they were in this moment. It was Astarion. He saved your life. You gasped when he was close enough to fully be in your vision. The very dim street lights are not doing him justice. He had never looked more beautiful than he did in this moment. His curly hair now sticking to his face from the rain, concern in his eyes. You both stared at each other in silence for a moment before you took a step toward him and pulled him into your frame. A soft sob leaving your lips as you felt him slowly wrap his arms around you, pulling you so close, like he was never going to let you go again.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ he said softly after staying in the moment for a while. You look up at him in confusion. ‘’I am sorry that I didn't try hard enough. I am sorry that I never really told you how I felt. I am sorry that–’’ before he could even continue his unnecessary apologies you kissed him. Softly, so tenderly. Hands cupping his cheeks. He was taken aback by your action but quickly melted into the kiss. A hand going up to the back of your neck, one lingering on your lower back. You pull back from him for a second and look into his eyes, trying to see if there's any form of hesitation in his stare. But there isn't.

‘’You don't have to say sorry. If anyone has to apologize it is me. I should've told you how I felt. I should've made the effort too. I guess this is on both of us. But I want you to know there has not been a day where I haven't thought about you.’’ you say. ‘’There are many things that have stopped me in the past. Many things I feared. But I am done being scared.’’

You look into his eyes. A small smile crept on his lips while you were talking. One you have missed so much, one you had been hoping to see every day for the past year. But fear has gotten the best of you. Your ego being too fragile, too weak. A small young girl, frightened of abandonment, had been making decisions in your life to make the risk as small as possible. But you were done with being afraid. You would rather risk the fear than live the rest of your days alone.

Astarion pulled you close again and placed a small kiss on your forehead.

‘’This is where our future begins.’’

And it was then that you fully realized, he is more of yourself than you are. Whatever our souls are made of, his and yours were the same.

#astarion x mc #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 angst #bg3 oc #astarion romance #astarion baldurs gate #astarion angst #bg3 #bg3 x reader #bg3 x you #bg3 x tav #astarion ancunin #astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion x you #tav x astarion #bg3 astarion

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