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pigeonpeach · 5 months

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Yandere Genshin

Prompt: youve caught their eye but… you’re already taken… that won’t be a problem…

Cw: yandere duh, mentions of murder and violence, manipulation, kidnapping, etc. fem reader

Characters: Jean, Diluc,Yelan, Neuvillete

Jean finds herself more and more infuriated with your commitment everyday. A simple hunter from Springvale is the one that catches your eye? How absurd! She knew she should’ve been more forward with her tatics. Oh this frustration and heartbreak has been tormenting her, impacting her work ethic as she tries to give you space. But its hard because you work for her. A cutesy little maid. You belong to her.. you’re everything she could want in a partner. So delicate, so plump, you’re the perfect bride. There’s no way she’s letting a man who can’t read s kid’s book without struggle surpass her!

So… she staged a little accident lets say.. she happened to cut the patrols in the area, making them closer to the city itself. That way there still was protection for the city… just not for the hunters. For awhile they’d been complaining sbout how the patrols spooked the boar. Even though those patrols were meant to cut down and discourage hilichurl camps. From a political perspective she just gave the hunters what they wanted. To up the anti more she had Kaeya tell him about a legendary boar deep into the wilderness. How the boars get bigger in hilichurl camps because they’ve started to fence them off and fatten them up, if he goes at night when they’re asleep, he could surely nail himself a big boar and pass it as a authentic catch…

The short of it was this. Your almost boyfriend snuck into one of the biggest hilichurl camps without the knights patroling nearby. And Kaeya knowing Jean’s work was negatively impacted by him.. may or may not have done something to alert the hilichurls to the the intruder. Quickly he was overwhelmed and beaten. With no knight in sight he was all alone. His struggle only made the hilichurls more violent. They threw him out, beaten to a pulp. When he saw Kaeya he was relieved thinking he was saved. But Kaeya had orders to finish the job of need be.

His death? A accident. Later hunters found him rotting near the camp, no foul play found. No one knew of his idea or who gave it to him, or who gave that person the idea. In your devastation you ended up right in her arms weeping.

“I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll make sure patrols return to normal and those camps are wiped out soon enough. I won’t let you experience such hardship ever again.” Crying to your boss felt so unprofessional but Jean was just so comforting to you. You had been putting on a brave face until now. You stood as she held you. “Lisa bought me this tea recently. It helps to steady my mind when I’m stressed, would you like me to give you some. I know it won’t remove your pain but it should help you somewhat. Unfortunately I can’t give you time off as two others are currently sick. But once they’re back I’ll give you some vacation okay?” She wiped your tears as you nodded.

“Th-that’s reasonable.. th-thank you.. oh god i must be such a burden. You’re already so stressed i didn’t mean to make it worse for you-“

“That’s not the case at all. I care about you. I want you to be safe and happy as every citizen in Mondstadt should be.” She kissed your forehead as she handed you the cup she prepared. “Here drink some tea. It was originally for me but I figure you need it more. I haven’t dranken from it.”

“Y-you’re sure that’s okay? I don’t mind waiting for another cup.” You asked. Oh how innocent you looked. Jean hated how she had to come to this, asking Lisa for a love spell to be put into the tea. But she couldn’t risk doing this to every suitor who got close to success. She needed to make sure you chose her otherwise she might go further next time.

“Its fine.” She said. You drank it with no further complaints.

Diluc was certain this was some sick prank. You, his beloved little maid, in love with nothing more than a simple merchant? Its not uncommon for the route from dawn winery to be used. But a certain merchant he purchased seeds from seemed to be getting far too close to you. Sure you two weren’t dating, he hadn’t even made the first step. But now he was absolutely was going to take drastic measures.

The first step: Distract you. You found yourself being assigned to chores more indoors an less outdoors. Diluc could sense how you would look out beyond hoping to see him again and he didn’t want that to continue. The second step was to lure said merchant back on a day you weren’t working. His arrival was horrible as the maids had all gone home leaving Diluc and Adelinde to recieve him, on a new moon, there was no moon to illuminate his path home so Diluc offered him to stay the night. He thought of this gratefully, originally the death Diluc planned was a simple killed in his sleep. But when he asked about you… oh it activated something in him. He even brought you a gift… how thoughtful… Diluc struggled to maintain his composure.

The merchant never did make it past the night. Despite his struggles. His body found beneath the bridge near Stone Gate. A investigation launched but ultimately blamed on bandits. With it his gift was smashed. You were devastated yes but your employer seemed to suddenly be more attentive than usual. He offered you meals and tea. Often requesting just to talk to you.

“Its getting late. I really should be going.” You set the tea cup back. “This was nice though. I wouldn’t mind doing this again but… oh.. is it raining?” You look out to see water coating the windows as what sounding like rain came from outside.

“Oh my it appears to be. At this hour you would be most vulnerable if you left now. You have no pets correct?”

“No.. oh dear…” you silently began to worry.

“You could always.. stay over. There is many a guest room and there’s spare pajamas for you. I’m certain it’ll be better than getting sick. Besides there’s bandits on the roads at these hours. You remember what happened to that merchant.” His voice luring you to s false sense of safety.

“Yes… I’ve been quite nervous going home now to be honest. Do you know if they ever found who did it?”

“Still nothing. Guards are posted more though. But it wpuld be easier. You do have a early shift here anyways in the morning so you wouldn’t need to go home right away. If that sounds alright.” He says, you jolted slightly as his hand gently grazed yours as you held your jacket. At that moment thunder clapped, startling you.

“I suppose that makes sene. I’ll take you up on that offer then..” you smiled shyly.

“I’ll lead you to your room then.”

He wasn’t going to let you leave.

(A/n: this is a alternative route to my other work Yelan vs Pantalone, dont consider this cannon to that piece but as its own spinoff)

Everyone has secrets. And Yelan’s is the fact that she stole a bride straight from Pantalone. It was mostly just to spite him, and also because she’s a sucker for a pretty face and couldn’t stand letting that happen. But oh they’re far more irresistible than she could’ve imagined. Now that they’re safely hidden in the jade chamber, working as a intern. She’s been visiting them when she comes to visit Ninguang, lucky her that Ninguang would allow her little damsel to stay in the jade chamber. But while her back was turned to her former life, she set her eyes on the people once known as parents to them. Her little Damsel cannot return to her former identity ever. And thus its better for her to believe that Pantalone went back on his word and killed them.

And that’s exactly what ended up happening. The Fatui’s search was halted and stopped because the Millieth wasn’t going to let the Fatui kill civilians just because they lost a bride. Even though they insisted they didn’t all signs pointed to that. She then forged documents to show to her beloved little damsel that this was the plan from the beginning, that Pantalone would have killed her parents upon acquiring her. Like the others so far, she used this opportunity to soothe them and bring them closer. At least this way they are alive and safe rather than in the hands of their families killer. Only… they are infact in the arms of their families killer. All seemed well until some stupid guard started poking around. He seemed more interested in courting them, believing they myst secretly be from s powerful family outside of Liyue and hiding. It was a rumor she purposely started to cover for their true identity. But now it backfired as this man saw a opportunity to climb up the social ladder. She isn’t quite sure what his exact plan was but her guess was he intended to make her fall for him and then marry him when she returned to her life, this guaranteeing a life of luxury. Unfortunately for him that won’t be the case. But Yelan can’t go killing her own. So she decided to simply use her influence to have him demoted to ground work instead. Convincing Ningguang that if allowed to stay he’ll uncover their scheme. The reason given to him was that apparently he was too loud or social than was acceptable in such environments. Afterwards he died to a hilichurl raid. Whoops.

“You.. you got my stuff?” You were surprised when she came to you with a crate.

“Yes, since legally you’re dead, your parents stuff was sold at auction at request of your family members. I grabbed what I remembered you valued myself.” She said with s smile as you beamed at the sight of your old things.

“It won’t raise suspicions will it?” Yu asked.

“I won’t let it. Don’t worry your pretty little head about the details.” She said patting you.

“I-i don’t know what I could do to repay you. You’ve done so much for me i-i truly have never had someone like you in my life.” You looked at her expecting a sort of humble brush off or something to actually be named.

“A date would be nice. Once everything cools down of course.” Her voice was like a purr, making you flustered.

“O-oh sure.. as long as it won’t cause you any trouble.”

“Perfect.” She said. You didn’t see it but she was considering drugging your tea that sat on the table behind her. A love potion, how typical but how effective. But seeing your blush she could tell you had infact fallen for her already. Which made the potion more of a backup if you ever lost feelings.

Neuvillete is anything but dishonest. But… seeing you cling to the arm of a guard, how happy you two looked.. it left him green with envy and red with wrath. To control himself he decided to simply change the guards routine to be out of your way. But you just went to meet them after work. His favorite little employee falling for the guard rather than him.. he felt deeply insulted.

Time for more drastic measures. He asks a favor from the clueless and happy Sedene (a simple melusine) to sneak into his house. To which she happens to find something. Just as planned he spends his time arranging scenarios to increase suspicion causing the other guards perform a check up right as he is planted with primordial sea water. He is quickly taken away to be questioned. Meanwhile you are distraught. You never thought him capable of such feats. But alas he was hardly the man you thought he was.

“I-I’m so sorry.. i truly didn’t know anything… i- Oh god ll this time..” you were hyperventilating as you were brought into questioning. “I-i.. oh god.. am i in danger? I could’ve ended up just like those missing girls..” Neuvillette’s hands reached out to your space as if to tell you to quiet down.

“I understand this situation is difficult. If necessary I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself. There isn’t any reason I have to suspect you but I still have to take precautions. You agreed to the random house search and no trace of seawater was found. I’m simply asking if he told you of anything suspicious or gave you any implications of his true nature.” He lowered his voice in a more gentle manner than he would in court. You sniffled as you wiped your tears.

“He.. he did keep inviting me to his place. I never went though. I didn’t think we were far along to do such things.. you know like… intimacy..” you nervously muttered. He still heard you, he was pleased to know you two didn’t get too serious.

“Were you two officially a couple?”

“No.. but we were close… i was going to ask him but then this all happened and… you know the story from there.”

“Hmm.. I see. It appears you infact were a target. Is there any reason you can think of?” He says. The sight of you so heartbroken and shaking is strangely attractive to him. So timid, so easily manipulated.

“No.. no not at all.. i don’t understand why?” You seemed more and more frightened. “S-should i not leave the house for a bit. This sounds very scary.. i don’t know if I can continue my routine as normal like this!” You whimpered as your hands seemed to get closer to your body. As if you retreating into she’ll to hide in.

“Fear not, I’ll have the secret patrol watch over. And each guard will undergo inspections from here onward. But i will be seeing you more. I want at least weekly updates to know of any strange activities or unexpected changes. Understand?” He said. You nodded. “With my life, I promise you, you will be safe. And I will let no harm come to you.. ever.”

#genshin imagines #genshin x y/n #genshin impact #diluc x you #jean gunnhildr x reader #diluc x y/n #wlw #yandere diluc #yandere jean x reader #yandere yelan #yandere neuvillette #neuvilette x reader #yelan x reader #yandere diluc x reader #yandere themes #mlw

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years

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Ever since you left Ochako’s parents house, your girlfriend hasn’t uttered a single word to you.

Though she offered voluntarily, to walk you down to the place where your car was parked before going home - she hasn’t said anything. Even when you attempt to make conversation, she’s given you a frowny look. Little short, unenthusiastic responses that don’t give you much to work off of.

And now she’s gone silent, biting the inside of her lip with an expression you can’t read. It’s making you nervous.

Tonight was the formal parent dinner with your girlfriends parents. And, in your opinion, you think it went extremely well. Her parents are what you’d imagined them to be. Hard-working, simple, genuine. The conversation was easy and he father worked the grill as you drank and ate.

It wasn’t the first time you’d met them, but this was the official introduction. You brought something homemade and your girlfriend seemed happy during said dinner. You were doing your best to be impressive and charming, working magic to try and sweep them off their feet.

Because you’ve always known how much she cares about her parents. You thought you were doing a good job. You were... pretty sure you were doing a good job.

But you can’t help but doubt from the way she’s all but avoiding you. You stop in your tracks, hands in your pockets. She stops when she notices you but doesn’t say anything.

“Baby,” You sigh, giving her a despairing look “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

You sigh again, stepping closer to her as she obviously avoids your gaze.

“C’mon. You’re not even looking at me. I don’t wanna go home when you’re like this.”

“I’m not like anything.” She says, defiant in a familiar way. You soften, stepping to her again before slowing reaching your hands out. She doesn’t immediately move from your touch, so you cup her jaw.

“Baby, please just tell me what happened, yeah? I thought dinner went well. Did I say something? Did I make ya mad?”

“No. That’s—It’s not—It’s not that,” She affirms. She grips the front of your jacket and you look at her in surprise “The dinner did go well.”

“So why’ve you been looking at me like you wanna toss me through a window? Hm?”

Your stupid joke makes her crack a smile, a fact that makes her more frustrated. She’s holding onto your lapel tighter this time, inching closer to you. She’s so cute like this, despite your concerns. You give her a minute, watching her turn whatever turmoil she’s experience in her head.

She looks up at you, all big brown eyes and annoyance before you feel her headbutt your chest lightly. Confused, you simply wait.

“It’s just—I like you.”

You’re lost. It must show on your face.

“MMf,” She wraps your arms around her waist, and you hug her without her asking. Her chin rests on your rib, looking up you “I was just thinking about how..nice it was. That you and my parents got along. It was like everything made sense.”

You rub her back soothingly, letting her talk. Affection bleeds out of you as you listening, humming so she can keep going.

“Even my dad likes you and he’s so protective of me. And my mom was blushing the whole time she talked to you, I mean seriously—she’s never like that. You went to the bathroom and she was practically gushing, it was so embarassing.”

You beam at her, laughing a little.

“And it just—I started thinking about it. About you. I really like you. My parents like you. It just felt so perfect.”

“You’re losing me, Princess.”

She frowns at you.

“I’m being serious!”

“So am I,” You reassure, running your hands up her back “I don’t see the issue.”

“The issue is—what if we break up? What if.. we have some big break-up and then you know, I move on. And I bring home someone and they’re not you. What if my parents don’t like them? Or my friends don’t? And what if they don’t make the same effort like you do. I don’t want that. It’s not gonna be the same, it’s—“

Before you know it, your girlfriend is weeping in your arms. She’s hardly a cry-baby but she’s sobbing. Half-way between endeared and concerned, you soothe her with a soft laugh.

“Stop laughing.”

“I’m not laughin’ at you baby, but you’re thinking way too hard about that. Way too hard.”

“I’m not,” She whines, rubbing her cheek against you “I’m being serious. I don’t wanna break up with you.”

“I’m not planning to.”

“But what about in the future.”

You smile.

“I can’t predict the future, sweet girl,” You coo, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead “I’m not a psychic. Anything can happen, so I don’t know what’ll change. Maybe nothing, maybe everything.”

You pull back to cup her face in your hands, thumb wiping her tears,

“I know that I’d pick up no matter when you call. I know I’d steal the sun out of the sky if you asked me just one time.”

“What if the sun gets lonely. Or if I ask you for more just because.”

“Then I’ll go back and take the moon. I’ll even burn my hands on the stars so you can see them. Whatever you want, baby. I’m yours.”

“...I love you. Thanks for coming to dinner. ”

You kiss her soft, smiling against her mouth. “

“Love you too, ‘chako.”

#a.ochako #ochako x reader #bnha x reader #writing tag #i love my girlfriend (real)#this is fluff btw i just wanna comfort her a little

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seaside-writings · 8 months

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Hello, again all you wonderfully, wicked people!

As we know black cats are an essential part of the spooky season as well as an essential part of everyday life! So in honor of that, I made a prompt list dedicated to one of my favorite black cats Salem Saberhagen, who in my opinion had some of the most iconic dialogue in TV history!

I hope you all like this prompt list, and I hope it helps you create! And if you do use it, please credit/tag me so I can check out what you've made!

I hope you all stay blessed and safe throughout your day.

Lots of Love & Wishes: Celia 🖤🎃🕸🔮

P.s. I did change some of the dialogue so it would flow easier when it came to writing for different types of characters.

“You’re the only one who understands me,” “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care,” - “What are you doing?” “Nothing!” “You’re in a chatroom again pretending to be a woman, aren’t you?” “I like the attention.” - “I have lighted the fuse. Now I just have to wait for the kapowie! Muahahaha!” - “I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you,” - “You’ll be able to look back on all of this and get revenge,” - “Show me the tuna!” - "I never cared for the name Mildred," - “And let’s give a big warm welcome to sadness,” - “Someone’s gonna end up crying. Probably me,” - “Finally, someone whose life is more pathetic than mine!” - “You don't have to order me a pizza, but make it half sausage, half clam,” - “I need a little fresh air and a latte,”

“As long as you drop everything and stay focused on me, I should be fine,” - “Dogs guard. Cats watch and judge,” - “When I’m happy, I eat! When I’m upset, I eat!” - “Hooray, the toast is stuck! Danger, here I come!” - “They left behind. Be strong. Don’t cry,” - “Still want to take over the world?" - "Cheetos should be served at room temperature, you know,” - “Curse my sarcastic nature!” - “If you misbehave for just one instant, I’ll cut you, man,” - “Dear lord, you picked up a guy at the bus station,” - “It's the 90s, no one eats mortals anymore,” - “I’m rich! Rich, I tell you!” It’s only a few hundred dollars,” “I’m well-off! Well-off, I tell you!” - “Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony,” “I'm going to write him a very stern letter,” “You're a regular Mad Max, aren't you?” - “A tassel! Don’t you toy with me, you saucy minx!” - “Wow, you must feel like a huge loser,” - “Would you be terribly upset if I threw up in one of your shoes?” - “You laugh, you die,” - “I will not be ignored!” - “All I’ve done all day is eat, sleep, and stare off into space. What an awful existence,” “Hey! I don’t dump on your lifestyle," - “Could you either remove the bandages or kill me?” - “Sorry, thirty waffles is my limit,” - “You think a mirrored ceiling would be too much?” - “Why didn’t you stop them!?” “I was busy,” “Doing what!?” “Playing with my scrunchie,” - “We need a plan,” “How about we weep uncontrollably,” - “I urge you to accept me as your ruler!” - “I’ll be having a quiet weekend, curled up with Memoirs Of A Geisha,” - “Delivery. I want a pizza as fast as possible! And don’t forget the crazy bread!” - “And your face is a bit of a trainwreck too,” - “Tell Elton John he can’t start singing now,” - “I wasn’t always the stud muffin I am today,”

“You owe her an apology. Now! “I’m thinking of how to word it,” “Try 'I’m sorry,'” “Somehow, that just doesn’t feel right…” - “I’d rather be locked in the dishwasher again,” - “Does she know who you are?” “Why does everyone think that’s a necessary part of love,” - “I’m the ultimate bad example,” - “Don’t ask me, I was an English major,” - “Hey, leave the sarcasm to the professionals,” - “Get a real job. And some pants,” - “I’m a cat, I’m curious, so kill me,” - “Still want to take over the world?” “Yes! Wait, no! I meant no!” - “I’d be more nervous if I weren’t so good-looking,” - “Hey chicks, what’s the haps?” - “I’m trying to set the world record for grooving,” - “Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk,” - “You know me any excuse to wear taffeta,” - “Oh, right, I forgot. I’m an animal, I have no self-control,” - “Why am I finding it hard to summon sympathy?” - “Wow, I love a woman who can take charge!” - “I’ll be downstairs creating a distraction,” - “I’m trying to concentrate on expanding my intellectual horizons,” - “Wake up, woman! You’re not a princess, you’re a dragon!” - “Her new obsession is doing wonders for my wardrobe!” - “Please hurry! I’ve been in here for over an hour!” “Why didn’t you call us sooner?” “It wasn’t a problem until I ran out of peanut brittle!” - “So it's true. Taste does skip a generation,” - “I want to say something wise and wonderful right now, but I can't think of anything. Except I love you, and I hope the band knows some Ohio Player,” - “BOO!” “You look ridiculous,” “You were terrified, and you know it,” - “Halloween. Is it just another date on the calendar, or is a state of mind, or is a state of… being?”

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bougainvilea · 1 year

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stupid, belated, easy

january @jilychallenge2023 @jilychallenge

partner: @sosohh / prompt: first date - “I want you so bad it hurts” / “Promise you’ll see me again?”

a/n: i am so sorry this is late it took me forever because i just had no time in jan!!!!! but it's here and i'm pretty proud of it hehe <3 btw i couldn't fit "i want you so bad it hurts" in but just know lily is feeling it the whole time lmao. enjoy!

on ao3

Their first date feels stupid. The flirting, according to Sirius, has become unbearable. Remus is subtler than that, but makes a dry comment about how they hadn’t been seen together in 24 hours (oh, the horror!). Mary makes a couple of puns and James gets the hints but is too uncertain to make the first move.

That’s how Lily ends up asking him to Hogsmeade and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. It’s awkward but silly and they laugh far too shyly for two people who have been inseparable for months. Lily’s fingers are restless, drawing shapes and tapping against the table, and James’ hair probably won’t calm down for a week, but they’re here, sitting across from each other in the three broomsticks and there is a lull in conversation. James can’t stop tracing her freckles with his eyes and Lily keeps apologising for bumping his feet with hers. At some point, they hear a song over the radio. It’s by The Weeping Bowtruckles and they had been snickering about it in class just last week. Lily winces and James comments on how the singer ‘really hit that note’ (dry, sardonic, not at all his old self, simply more evidence of Lily’s dry wit rubbing off on him) and she snorts, and suddenly they’re back in the rhythm of things, their conversation coming easily and their bodies moving closer together. They leave the bar and walk around in the cold, her arm linked in his and his smile warming her from core to chest, and she finds herself flirting consciously. They have, of course, been flirting for months (Sirius was not wrong – it’s scary how well that boy understands her now) but it is new, and bold, in this context. Her free hand is slapping and resting and fiddling with his bicep, and the stars in his eyes are dancing (she knows he likes it). There’s a moment – where she rests her hands on his arm just a little too long, their eyes meet, and the smiles slip a little to reveal what’s beneath it all. She bites her lip, and he turns to face her, his hand resting on her hip. “Can I… can I kiss y-” his question is answered with her lips on his, firm and real and oh god this is our first kiss sirens going through her mind as she holds the back of his neck, playing with the hair there with her hand. He responds, but with a sweetness she wasn’t expecting, and she lets up her intention for a passionate snog in favour of his gentle hands on her face as her heart throbs with affection. They part and he breathes deeply, a small smile on his face. This is a new smile, not one of the usual rotation. It is gentle, it is happy, and it’s charming, but the real kicker is that she can see that it’s not for anyone else. This boy in front of her, this beautiful boy whose heart is so pure, who makes her laugh and think, who always has a smile on his face, has a smile just for her. “What are you thinking?” she asks, kissing his cheek gently. The smile grows a little, turning almost into her beloved crooked grin, and he strokes her cheek gently, moving his hand back to her waist. “Promise that won’t be our only one of those,” he quips, but she can tell he means it in that existential, please let us last, kind of way. James is like that – he commits to people, choosing them for his life. It might scare her one day, but now it’s making her heart triple in size. She chooses to answer with another kiss, bringing his head down to hers for a kiss, this time pouring all the sweetness in her heart into it. He smiles against her, and they are lost in the moment. “You cheeseball,” she murmurs against his lips, and he laughs once before they’re kissing again. They part and smile at each other. His hand plays with a strand of her hair and her eyes are tracing over his face, her hands smoothing over the hair at the back of his neck. He takes her hand and she smiles, and the rest of the afternoon is spent laughing and kissing. Tomorrow they’ll laugh about how stupid it was that they took so long, but today is so earnest that they can’t look away from each other.

#mine #fanfic #jily #jilychallenge #hp #anyway i like this!#i was worried the title was too similar to another fanfic title i know but i dont think it is #i think it's just the one word #hope u guys like it! thank u to my partner for being a legend n giving feedback

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professorspork · 1 year

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Any chance you'd actually want to do a breakdown of the writing and literary techniques you used in Newsbees? Any excerpt of your choice honestly, I'm always curious about how other writers think about their own work

A) I just want to say that what truly delights me is that this hit my inbox last night, a full 12 hours before the epilogue was posted (and contained within it a request for asks just like this). Way to read my mind! It made me happy!

B) Oh gosh this is so broad WHAT SHOULD I TALK ABOUT

okay after much dithering, using an online dice-rolling tool to pick a chapter to talk about and then being like 'this tool didn't pick the right chapter' I am going to talk about chapter 12, aka the romance novel bed-sharing one right before everything goes to shit.

Before we begin, you'll note that I still insist on calling a wolf at your door chapter 12 even though on AO3 it's chapter 13. I get why for coding reasons AO3 probably can't support calling a prologue "chapter zero" because something like 0/21+ is not a helpful chapter count in the same way 1/23 is but still the discrepancy chafes and I'm glad people have mostly indulged me on this point.

ANYWAY

Firstly, I'll point out that the chapter bears all of the usual hallmarks of what I know defines my prose and which I lean into with some degree of purpose. To pick a portion from the section on Blake's panic attack as an example:

She sinks shakily to the tile and curls into a ball to cry. After hours of gripping onto what remained of her sense with white-knuckled desperation, forcing herself to at least dissociate long enough to find a place to get out of the storm, she can’t fight it any more. Every single emotion she’s been barely keeping at bay—the powerlessness, the fear, the self-hatred, the sorrow—crashes through her all at once, bulldozing the fragile internal structures she’d relied upon to stay upright until there’s nothing inside her but splinters and wreckage.

It’s over. It’s over.

Gods, why won’t she fucking stop crying?

She bites down on her fist—anything to quiet the violent, hiccuping sobs that are wracking her lungs and depriving her of much-needed air—but it’s no use. You’ll wake everyone up, shut up, shut up, you stupid, sloppy bitch shut up.

Inane. Infantile.

Pathetic.

She has no idea how long she stays there, blubbering on the shower floor like a toddler. Time stretches like taffy, malleable and meaningless. She weeps until she’s empty; until even the derogatory, incisive shame is gone and only her hollow husk is left. And then…

…ever so slowly…

…cognizance creeps back in.

Apparently, she’s shivering.

The air in Yang’s apartment, which had felt near-stifling upon Blake’s arrival, is now crisp and biting against her clammy skin.

Gee, can you tell I like alliteration? In just this singular 226-word excerpt, there are eight uses of it (sinks/shakily; stupid/sloppy; inane/infantile; time/taffy; malleable/meaningless; hollow/husk; cognizance/creeps; crisp/clammy)-- and that number goes up, even, if you count incidental usage like 'with white-knuckled' or 'been barely.'

As I've matured as a writer I've shied away from prose that's florid just for prettiness' sake, but I do still indulge in this sort of... lyrical, tone-poem narration, especially in moments of great introspection or emotional import, as Blake's breakdown certainly is. All my writing-- not just dialogue-- is something I both hear and listen for, and the cadence and rhythm of the sentences is something I will tweak over and over and over again throughout the editing process until I'm satisfied with its flows and eddies. This is why I'll often use entirely unnecessary em-dashes to indicate breaths and pauses; to me, that sort of mouthfeel of the phrasing is just as important as the vocabulary is. Alliteration is a great way to get at that sort of smooth, elevated and heightened affect without being too conspicuous; my hope is that no one actually noticed "jesus christ there are eight alliterative pairs in this one half-page's worth of writing" until I pointed it out. It's... a flavor, a seasoning, that provides a bit of lift.

This excerpt also provides a few examples of another favorite thing of mine, which is pairing TWO adjectives for specificity's sake (and that sort of breathing meter). Blake's sobs could have been violent or hiccuping instead of both, but using both gives their brutality and physical embodiment emphasis; time being both malleable and meaningless shows two different facets of the sort of warping she's experiencing; her shame being both derogatory and incisive gets at how it hits both emotionally/verbally and internally/physically. (That's twice there I've said how I want the words to feel physical, to put you in Blake's shoes, and that's also very much a hallmark of my writing and this work specifically. There's a reason Blake throws up or nearly throws up so many times in this story, including in this chapter. I wanted her anxiety to feel LIVED IN, this toxic thing that her body literally has to reject and expel any way it can.)

The last thing this excerpt has that I want to remark upon is an incredibly considered simile-- how Blake's panic attack "crashes through her all at once, bulldozing the fragile internal structures she’d relied upon to stay upright until there’s nothing inside her but splinters and wreckage." I think it's always a worthwhile project to come up with metaphors that haven't been used a thousand times, because readers deserve novelty and forethought, but I really considered how I wanted to portray her feelings here. In other chapters, I compare Blake's panic/trauma to a treacherous ocean filled with dangerous creatures, or to a runaway train; Yang, of course, gets her big moment where she feels like a volcano. All of these things are scary and unpleasant, but they are so in radically different ways. Whereas the ocean metaphor is sort of all about depth and playing the long game, getting dragged under and the process of erosion, I wanted this one to be sudden and impactful. The first thing I came up with was a tornado, but that a) felt a little tired to me and b) still came from the natural world, which didn't feel quite right. The sort of manmade, architectural language I ended up going with reinforced far better the point I was making: that Blake built and constructed her sense of calm purposefully, and it was now being torn down by someone else's violent efforts.

PHEW okay I think that's enough talking about that one small section.

Overall, the chapter also contains a lot of the sorts of tricks and modes I relied on throughout the fic-- playing around with time, explicitly referencing callbacks to earlier in the story, the Adam that lives in Blake's head. This chapter is also, of course, the debut of The Font, which was really fun for me. Blake falling asleep instantly in Yang's bed after two dozen chapters of how bad her insomnia is was a payoff that had been in the outline from the earliest stages. The Hug is both important in its own right but also a reference to yet another musical, Waitress ("I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight..."). Seeing as this is a Newsies adaptation, I wanted it to feel in many ways LIKE A MUSICAL-- to have those big, bold feelings-- but the one thing Newsies isn't is a romance, and I found myself thinking often of love songs from other shows to sort of fill in those gaps. That could honestly be its own post so I won't get into it more now, lol.

OKAY MY GOODNESS THIS IS GETTING LONG I'M GONNA CUT IT OFF THERE. But I hope that was interesting for folks, and if so PLEASE ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS I LOVE QUESTIONS.

#newsbees au #fic what i wrote #rwby

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theycallme-thejackal · 1 year

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One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

106. Gorgeous

He loves her so much that sometimes it fills him with rage.

And he can’t say anything about it. One: because she’s perfect and so far out of his league they’re not even playing the same sport, but two...how dare she make him fall in love with her?

It was supposed to be a crush on a gorgeous woman he met in the back of a police car. Just a crush that he would never act on. But then she had to go and be funny. And smart. And kind.

If she hadn’t offered to stand outside of his playdate, he wouldn’t be sitting here, in a club in Miami, staring at her gorgeous face, getting lost in those ocean blue eyes.

“You’re staring.”

“Am I?”

“Do I have a hair out of place?”

He smirks. “I didn’t know how to tell you.” That I love you. That I can’t live without you. That you’re the funniest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and if you don’t let me touch you, I’m going to curl up in a ball on the floor and weep like a small child. “What do you think?” He asks instead.

She pretends to ponder before quipping, in typical Mrs. Maisel fashion, “I just wish it had a little more atmosphere.” It’s a joke, meant to break the obvious tension, but it fails because he’s utterly, hopelessly, pathetically in love with her, and he just can’t hide it anymore.

He’s a miserable guy, generally speaking. Between alimony and lawyer fees and his relatively new dope habit, he’s broke. And he’s generally disillusioned with the state of their world, but when he’s with her...everything else just fades away. When he’s with her, he actually lets himself be happy.

“You’re still staring,” she points out.

He doesn’t know how he gets up the courage to say it, but he replies slowly, intentionally, “So are you.”

And she smiles.

Somehow, a short while later, she’s in his arms, and they’re dancing to a Peggy Lee song, and he can’t believe this is happening. Her head rests on his shoulder, her fingers toy with the hair at the nape of his neck, and he’s pretty sure he could die right now and be totally content.

But then they’re standing outside of his hotel room, staring at each other, and she kisses him. It’s slow, and it’s sweet, and her fingers are soft and a little cold as they graze over his jaw. It’s tentative at first, and he doesn’t deepen it, lets her take the lead.

She does happily, her hands finding the back of his neck and pulling him deeper into the kiss, and he finally lets himself tug her closer as his jacket falls off her shoulders.

She shivers as the cool air off the water hits her now uncovered shoulders, and then she giggles against his lips. “Wow,” she breathes.

“Yeah...wow,” he agrees a little dumbly before capturing her lips again. She moans as her back hits the doorframe behind her.

“Lenny,” she whispers as they part again a while later, both panting a little. “I need you to promise me something.”

He nods. “Okay.”

“If we go inside, and we...do some very blue things...” She swallows before gathering her courage and lifting her chin. “I need you to promise me that you will never forget that I am very, very funny.”

He grins and nods as he cups her face in his hand, tenderly brushing his thumb over her cheek. “I will be laughing through the entire thing. I promise.”

It’s half a joke, half serious, because this happening is so unbelievable he might laugh at the absurdity of Midge Maisel actually wanting him. But also...

How could he ever forget how funny she is?

She smiles up at him, and he kisses her again.

#midgelenny #midge x lenny #midgexlenny #tmmm fanfic #marvelous mrs. maisel fanfic #otp: more important than god #jackal fics #mltswift

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hancydrewfan · 11 months

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Reasons I Love SequinSmile-x, For Her Birthday

I occasionally can write a lil fic, but only when inspiration hits at exactly the right moment. So I have no gift fic for my bestie @sequinsmile-x. Instead, I offer a list of reasons I love her with my whole heart including several of my favourite fics of hers. (below the cut, because I got a lil carried away in her honour)

When Tomorrow Begins, the tragic and beautiful EPIC SAGA of one incredible AU with impeccable flashbacks. Vic had just posted chapter eight of the sequel, If Tomorrow Starts Without Me, when I discovered this series I think two years ago. It remains a favourite that I am always thinking about all the time, especially since its gutwrenching, tearjerking, perfect conclusion last year, and I have reread it at least twice.

Martha, the most perfect beautiful angel of a cat. I do not have a cat, but I have a collection of my friends’ cats that I consider my babies and I will one day meet Martha in person and officially give her all the pets she absolutely deserves.

Tequila Confessions, which I guess I accidentally gave some ideas for and then she kindly gifted it to me (the first of many, including two of three follow-ups to TC!). This fic never fails to make me laugh and cry from laughing and I cherish it for starting a long tradition of me being a doofus and Vic running with my doofusness to create magic. (Again, I apologize for Invasion. I was runnin’ my mouth, that’s on me.)

A shared love of Tim Hortons, despite us being located in different continents. I have had many text conversations with her while walking home from therapy with an iced cap or a french vanilla in my hands and Midnights playing in my ears. A truly comforting friend even though there are many thousands of miles between us. Also because she’s British she uses the beautiful U in favourite and colour and honour and it makes me SO HAPPY. (this entry is about Canada-UK relations lol)

Love You In The Dark, another iNcReDiBLe AU fic where our intrepid heroes find each other in 1963. I know she worked so hard to get the setting right, and it can be a challenge to nail the voice and actions of characters in an era so unlike their own, but she friggin’ nailed it with this one. And it was also completely terrorizing when chapters ended on horrific cliffhangers you absolute freak. Also the way she incorporates canon details in AU fics makes me weep every time!! AND when she makes little easter egg connections to her previous fics, omg. I love puzzles and consider myself to be the human embodiment of Nancy Drew, so these kind of connections and secrets thrill me to no end.

HAVE YOU SEEN HOW CREATIVE THIS GAL IS??????? Friggin. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve screamed at her for sending a header she’s designed for an upcoming fic. And the fake insta posts???? Like wtf. The way she captures their voices in FAKE SOCIAL MEDIA. Stop being so good at everything (please don’t stop you are my lifeblood).

The Way Home, which actually I can’t even speak about because I’m still upset about the last chapter, you evil little pillbug.

She is so fun and so funny and so kind and so giving to this little fandom! We have a rich collection of hotchniss reads thanks to an incredible amount of talented writers, but sorry this post is about Vic and she posts new chapters and one shots multiple times a week, totalling well over a million words on ao3, despite having like a job and friends and a life outside of the internet. I am in awe, always.

okay sorry i’ll stop embarrassing you. love you vic and happy birthday!!!!!!

#hancy recommends!#i guess this is a tag now #okay but for real happy birthday bestie #love you to the moon and to saturn #hotchniss #sequinsmile ✨#i queued this for you! i am definitely still asleep ♡

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cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien · 4 months

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Solar Opposites: Unleashed Scene: “The Birth of Lili”

Mutant Bat King Stephen laughs evilly while plotting.

Mutant Bat King Stephen: That’s right. As soon as those Solar Beasts get here, I’ll give them a piece of my mind-

Suddenly, Super Shlorpian Korvo flies in here while roaring.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Not so fast!

Bat Mutant King Stephen: Grr! You again?!

Bat Mutant King Stephen then notices Super Shlorpian Korvo's pregnant belly and exclaims in horror

Bat Mutant King Stephen: Oh God! Is the Super Shlorpian pregnant?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Super Shlorpian Korvo growls

Bat Mutant King Stephen: Well, you won’t be able to defeat me! Bat People, attack!

The bat people attack as Super Shlorpian Korvo flies into action

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Time to for you all to chill out! *breathes ice from his breath*

The Bat People are frozen as Bat Mutant King Stephen growls

Bat Mutant King Stephen: Stupid savage bitch! Why must you ruin everything?!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Because I- *groans in pain as his water breaks* Please tell me my water didn't just break! Fuck! FUCK!

Bat Mutant King Stephen: *laughs evilly* I think you must be going into labor now!

Super Shlorpian Korvo flies and goes to somewhere to hide

Bat King Mutant Stephen: *laughs evilly* Better follow this weak bitch!

Super Shlorpian Korvo finds somewhere to hide and groans in pain

Super Shlorpian Korvo: No! Not now!

Super Shlropian Korvo cries out as blood spews out from under his Shlorpian vagina. Bat King Mutant Stephen is still looking for Super Shlorpian Korvo as he chuckles evilly.

Bat King Mutant Stephen: You can’t hide from me, Opposites!

Super Shlorpian Korvo breathes heavily

Super Shlorpian Korvo: *crying as he kept pushing* FUCK! OH GOD! *cries out in pain*

Bat King Mutant Stephen hears Super Shlorpian Korvo and smirks

Bat King Mutant Stephen: I got you now!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Shit! I gotta-

But Super Shlorpian Korvo keeps crying out as he is the close to giving birth.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: *pushes really hard* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Then, suddenly, a cute baby Shlorpian girl with the same skin color as Terry is born as she starts crying. Super Shlorpian Korvo gasps and sheds tears of joy.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: *tearfully in happiness* Oooh my sweet little sprout…

Bat King Mutant Stephen suddenly appears

Bat King Mutant Stephen: Ah-ha! Got you now!

Super Shlorpian Korvo gasps.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: *grabs Lili and hold her safe carefully close to him* Stay away from her you bitch!

Bat King Mutant Stephen: *laughs* I don't plan on hurting you...yet.

Lili: *cries*

Super Shlorpian Korvo: What are you talking about?

Bat King Mutant Stephen: You and your family will meet me and my people here for a battle tomorrow at dawn!

Mundane Terry: *offscreen* My Korvy!

Super Shlorpian Korvo turns around and gasps. He then sees Mundane Terry, Super Shlorpain Yumyulack, Mundane Jesse and Were-Kraken Sonya and are relived he is okay. But then, Mundane Terry bites Bat King Mutant Stephen on the arm to get him away from husband as he snarls.

Bat King Mutant Stephen: How dare you?! I am a king! You will respect my authority!

Mundane Terry punches Bat King Mutant Stephen, who snarls and flies away from the family. The monster Replicants and Werekraken Sonya run up to Super Shlorpian Korvo and are overjoyed to see their new baby sister.

Mundane Jesse: Is that our sister?! Korvo, how did this-

Super Shlorpian Korvo: *shedding tears of joy* It was some kind of miracle. Your new sister is born. Kids, meet Lili.

Lili: *coos*

Werekraken Sonya: *smiling and softly doing a nose kiss on Llili* Hello baby sister…

Lili: *coos*

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: *shedding tears of joy* Aw she looks so cute.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Yeah..she is... *starts weeping*

Mundane Terry: Oh honey… *holds Super Shlorpian Korvo close* Shh… *smiling at Lili* Hey there sweetie… I’m your daddy…

Lili babbles and touches Mundane Terry's face as Super Shlorpian Korvo laughs.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: She really likes you.

Mundane Terry chuckles

Mundane Terry: Hell yeah she does. *tickles Lili’s chin softly as it makes her giggle*

Super Shlorpian Korvo: You know, she almost looks just like you.

Mundane Terry: I know. Look at her beautiful green skin. Welcome to the world Lili…

Super Shlorpian Korvo kisses his Mundane husband on the lips.

Lili: *babbling*

Mundane Jesse: Hey, Lili...

Lili touches her father’s face as Mundane Terry chuckles. Lili then yawns and falls asleep as the two monster alien husbands smile at their new baby.

#solar opposites #solar opposites au #solar opposites: unleashed #super Shlorpian korvo #pregnant korvo #lili solar opposites #bat king mutant stephen #Stephen the wall

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mysteriesofloves · 2 years

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just a little something i wrote for @terrainofheartfelt. a small sequel to this fic from forever ago. happy birthday liz 🤍

The thing he can’t quite wrap his head around is what Blair is doing with him.

Something about Milo, and the wobbly way he walks, makes Dan want to take risks; but he’s still riding the high of getting one date, let alone five.

He’d looked her up, that first night, after he put Milo down. Mostly to see what other exhibits she’d curated, but maybe also to see a photo or two, because she had these little freckles, these beauty marks, dusted over her face, and these pretty round cheeks and these big, curious eyes and he didn’t think he could wait a whole week to see it all again.

There was more than a photo or two. Her name had headlined every website from Buzzfeed to TMZ. She was a wife, once upon a time, and he’s astounded by how many people chose to believe that’s where her story ends.

Because he’s had a front row seat for five dates now to the rest of that story, and he’s gotta say: it’s one of his favourites.

But the point is: he has a small life. A quiet life. Every once in awhile he publishes something that makes someone important and immature mad enough that they make a series of tweets about him and he gets some entertainment for the night, but mostly, he doesn’t have a lot going on. He’d taken her to see the new Agnès Varda doc on Vanessa’s recommendation and he stared at the bowl of popcorn and the sparkling water (because she doesn’t drink soda) between them, and thought, what the fuck are you doing?

And then she’d sniffled next to him, and he’d caught the way she discreetly tried to swipe at her eyes, and he thought, I could love you.

They had their own luncheon in the park, last week. The three of them, Milo bouncing on Blair’s knee, smiling a small, gummy smile up at her, and Dan fisted a hand in the picnic blanket and thought that adding could made it better. Something oncoming was easier to swallow.

He’d kissed her, when they’d dropped her home. With Milo slumped asleep on his shoulder, it was bumpy and chaste and awkward but it still made his face heat; his heart snag in his throat. He’d thought for sure he was done, after that.

He’d thought for sure he was pushing his luck when he texted her, Dinner at my place?

But she came and she ate and now they’re on the couch with a glass of wine each and she’s telling him about the group of scientists that used x-rays to uncover how Rembrandt mixed his paint, her fingers running through her hair and her lips stained just a little on the inside and he’s thinking could could could.

“Anyway,” she says. Her lips roll together. She seems to realize all at once that she’s been talking nonstop about paint recipes. She laughs, shy, so different from that first day, and he says, “Why me?”

She blinks at him. “What?”

“Why’re you going out with me?” he asks. “I’m not…I mean, I’m not what you’re used to.”

Her posture goes rigid, and there she is: the girl he first saw at the gallery before he’d found a way under her skin. She shrugs, rickety like a shutting latch.

“You asked.”

“I’m sure I’m not the first guy to ask you out at work.”

“No,” she presses on. “But you’re the only one who seemed interested in what I actually had to say.” Her spine straight, she smoothes down her skirt, takes a careful, practiced sip of her wine. “You’re the only one who seemed to not care who I really was.”

“I didn’t know,” he says. He sets his wineglass down. “And that’s not—that’s not who you really are.”

“No?” she says, smile starting to return. “Who am I?”

“You’re the girl who rambles about synchrotrons for fifteen minutes.”

Blair laughs, blushing. He takes her cheek in his hand and marvels at how she leans into the touch.

“You’re intelligent,” he says softly, “and intuitive…you weep while watching feminist filmmaker documentaries. Whoever you were before, that’s not really you. You’re—“

Maybe it’s the wine, but he hardly notices when she starts kissing him. It seems so familiar, so right, like the road was always going to lead here. She’s kissing him like she feels it, too, and it clicks into place all of a sudden: Dan’s heart is a house with the door left open, no wallpaper—or peeled wallpaper never replaced. He’s a renovator, caretaker, but a neglectful owner.

She doesn’t see what he sees.

Her knees dig under his ribs, her wineglass trapped between them, her fingers clawing at the back of his neck, and she sighs, and fuck could. Fuck easy to swallow. He’ll choke on this if he has to.

“This isn’t—“ he pulls away to set down her glass, “this isn’t what I had in mind when I invited you over, you know.”

“It isn’t?” she says.

“Oh, no, not—not at all,” he slides a hand in her hair, lips grazing her forehead, her browbone, dropping kisses to the side of her nose, her cheeks, just above her mouth, every mark on her face he’s spent the last few weeks memorizing, “I just wanted to share a meal. A—a friendly game of Scrabble, maybe. I’m always trying to get Milo to play with me but he keeps trying to eat the pieces.”

Her head tips back on a laugh, and he uses it as an opportunity to kiss the exposed line of her throat.

“I thought for sure I was being seduced,” she says, toying with his collar. “Cooking me dinner, pouring me a drink…”

“Nah, that’s not how I’d seduce you.”

She sits back on his lap, meaning at some point she made it into his lap. His lips tingle. He runs his hands down her sides and nearly groans.

“And how would you seduce me?”

“Uh, well, it’d go something like…” he leans closer, picks her hair off her shoulder and brushes his lips over the shell of her ear and whispers, “The first known writer in the world was a woman, Enheduanna, Sumerian High Priestess.”

She laughs, a whipcrack of a noise that startles through him. She shakes her head, fingers tangling in his hair. “That’s good,” she whispers. “But the food was better.“

“I am excellent in the kitchen,” he says. They can’t really kiss, because they’re both grinning too wide. “Not too shabby in the bedroom either.”

“Oh, really?”

“Oh, yeah…pretty decent in the laundry room, too. Always just the right amount of detergent.”

“Okay, that’s enough out of you.” She stands, straightening her skirt, then holds out her hand.

Jane Austen said we’re all fools in love. He’s counting on that.

#listen. i have wanted to write this forever and then it just HAPPENED tonight so it’s a liz birthday miracle #(it’s still technically your birthday here so it counts!!)#dair #dan x blair #gossip girl #mysteriesfic*#minific*

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dangermousie · 2 years

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I took a nap and continued my watch as a kinder, gentler Mousie. Am no longer irritated; am just gonna go with “she’s 15 and I was dumb as hell at 15, which is teen marriage is nuts, at least she’s not offing herself over a corpse like Juliet or w/e.”

Let’s continue...

I cracked up how his troops turn their backs in unison so their boss can canoodle in peace.

This shows how utterly without limits Tin Boy is. Like - he guards her gates all night? Every night? No wonder he looks like he’s gonna keel over every morning he escorts her in. I did not realize NN’s family lived in such an awful neighborhood that they needed a military unit of most elite troops guarding them all night. I am dying to know what the neighbors think...

Man, she ground down his confidence down, poor dude. But I kinda love that he knows she hates it and does it anyway because he’s obsessed with keeping her safe (when you lose one family, you get paranoid about the next one.)

Awwwww. Finally. I get why she is emotionally dense - with her background she can’t be anything but - but finally the ice began to crack. Now jump him.

Bloody Finally! But what worries me is I think she still doesn’t realize what a huge danger she was in and LBY, understandably reluctant to rock the boat the moment they made up, is not gonna bring it up again.

I love that LBY is so utterly emotionally open with her. Like he has zero shields. That’s actually a good thing in a relationship and one I hope she is learning.

Powerful man utterly helpless for you is a trope for a reason. I am gonna trot out, again, my favorite George Sand quote (from her novel Consuelo):

“Corilla, it is not his face that disgusts me. His mind is yet more hideous. You do not know that he has a perfect tiger’s heart.“

“That is what led me astray,” said Corilla. “ To hear the common stories of all the fools who hover around us is a glorious thing, forsooth! To bind a tiger, though — to subdue a forest lion — to lead him on a leash — to make one sigh, weep, blush, and tremble at a single glance, whose look has routed armies — and with one blow of his sabre cut off an ox’s head — is a more intense pleasure than I have ever known.”

Bloody finally!

Even as annoyed as I was at NN earlier, the fair thing to say is she never hid who she was (reckless and rash, unsuitable to palace life) so LBY walked into every disaster he can ever have because of her with eyes wide open. But mainly this set of caps is because I am cracking up if she thinks her parents’ marriage is an example of wife obeying the husband. When Mom says “jump,” Dad says “how high?”

AAAAAAA SHE FINALLY GOT IT AAAAA. Now let’s see if it sticks.

Ummmmm, I realize he is so happy and relieved she still wants him and so worships the ground she walks on that he can’t see straight but wait a minute! You are not at fault at all; it’s not stifling someone’s free spirit to try to prevent them from upending the empire and getting themselves and their clan head-shortened! He was not suppressing her free spirit, he was trying to keep her alive.

Yes, restricting and restraining her from getting her head chopped off!

And I think here he (re)commits to letting her run as insane as she likes and just cleaning up her mess and that is not sustainable long term, both because he can’t always be glued to her side and because she may do something so big he can’t fix. But when NN treats every attempt, however gentle, to corral her, as declaration of battle to the death and a sign that the person does not love her, he can either give up on her or yield and he can never give up on her so...

NN almost pathologically needs affirmation that she is right due to her issues. But that is not what LBY is saying (he’s not saying she is right, he just basically loves her the way she is, character versus actions.) I think it’s very telling that LBY, who did nothing wrong, admits he’s wrong here and NN never does; I don’t think she realizes she was wrong at all and that’s dangerous.

She does tell him how grateful she is and how she will treat him well and his reaction cracks me up. Man, hormones when up can drive anyone’s brain to short circuit...:P

#cdrama #zhao lusi #wu lei #love like the galaxy

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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okay i took a break and studied for a while and then i picked up the 5 pov aftermath fic and when i tell u i fuckin WEEPED bc everyone is so SELFISH but i UNDERSTAND it and like dorcas was selfish too but it really HIT in that (epilogue? idk what to call the 5 pov thing) that no one (except pandora) really CARED about dorcas herself even after she died and it MAKES SENSE but i am still So Upset about it

lily is someone i identify with the most in most of the fics i read and that held true in this one too!! it didn’t stop me from being fucking MAD at her though when she said she’d do it all again because i UNDERSTAND THAT TO MY CORE but reality is a bitch man and that bitch just slapped me across the fucking face!!

this is the first fic that really made me realize like… the order was SECRET. i feel like in the other canon-compliant fics i’ve read it’s centered around people IN the order so i forget it’s not public knowledge but people like pandora and liam etc really made me THINK about the fact that half of these kids truly did NOT have to join the order if they didn’t reallllyyyy want to and to be honest that makes everything 1000 times harder to swallow. pandora and xenophilius were living so (seemingly) peacefully and the fact that some of them could’ve gotten that ending if they had gone about things a bit differently is absolutely GUTTING.

don’t even get me started on the fact that sirius and remus are so OBVIOUSLY not doing well i actually stupidly thought for a second “aw man, hope they’ll end up okay” and it hit me like a fucking brick wall that they’re LITERALLY NEVER going to be okay again. grief is such a finicky thing and it manifests in SUCH damaging ways especially for these two. they’re just never going to work it out, poor things.

the OTHER thing that was absolutely fucking INSANE to me was the fact that i got to read lily’s pov in the AFTERMATH of something. do you get what i mean? like, normally in canon-compliant fics, LILY is the dead one. she doesn’t GET an epilogue pov. but she did here, and it blew my fucking mind when i realized that, in terms of this story, lily actually lived until the very end. and she’s still living, just sorta suspended there. CRAZY.

GOD i don’t think i’ll EVER stop thinking about this i just can’t even begin to fathom how seamlessly you depicted the complexity of war themes and how EASILY things can slip down the slope and how, despite being kicked while they’re down, humans ALWAYS attempt to claw their way back up in some way shape or form. and it’s normally ugly. UGH wow just. thank you. WOW.

i am answering this so late omg but HI i'm so happy u liked aftermath!!! i truly was not planning to write it at all as i said in the notes i just received 2 messages on here that got me thinking and. well it sort of came out of nowhere lol

but yeah lily in thtf and this oneshot in particular is so so special to me i loved writing something from her pov <3 in a lot of ways she's very similar to dorcas which is. why they never really become close in thtf because they are both very much people whose moral compasses are like...centered around one person. like for dorcas it's marlene for lily it's harry. and that's something i loved getting to explore a little more with lily, because there's really no clear right or wrong in what she's done. like, lily essentially lit the fuse, but dorcas was already a stick of dynamite, y'know? so how much responsibility does lily bear for dorcas's death? were her reasons justified? were her intentions pure? is intent even something that matters in a situation like this?

and yeah i do think it's really interesting to think about the order as like. an underground organization. like it's presented that way in the books but in a lot of marauders-era war fics it doesn't really feel that way since many writers (myself included) tend to make like. all the characters join lol just because. well that's the focus of the story, y'know? but i did want to try and include some of those like "outsider" perspectives and try to show that like--yeah, for some of these kids at least, they probably could have just lived peaceful lives and left the fighting to someone else. that's something i tried to emphasize with lily, too, in that part talking about how like. she joins this war because she thinks it will help bring about positive change that will allow her and her loved ones to live better lives, but she realizes during the course of the war that she is changing so irrevocably as a person that even if they do win and the positive change she's seeking does happen, she won't get to have that good life she's been fighting for, because the trauma of the battle is going to stay with her forever.

and remus and sirius <3 yeah <3 i mean i just love r/s angst what can i say lol

anyway!! truly love exploring all these themes related to wartime and the aftermath of survival, so i'm truly happy u enjoyed reading abt it!!! thank u so much for taking the time to send this lovely message (even though it took me a bit to respond lol) <3

#ask #thtf #the hand that feeds spoilers

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maddrmatt · 2 years

Text

The Gift From Beyond (SoKai Week 2022)

New to this fanfic? Click here to properly begin!

Greetings readers and fellow SoKai fans! Thanks again for coming back for the final instalment of this year’s SoKai Week story.

After the bittersweetness of the last chapter, let’s end this story on a more positive note with a little interaction between the groom, the bride, and the best man.

Enjoy!

________________________________________________________________

Epilogue: Moving Forward

Radiant Garden

“Sora? Kairi?” came a concerned voice from the side.

As Kairi continued to cry, Sora turned in the direction it came from. He saw, dressed in a black suit, his best man from the wedding party standing nearby.

‘Guess we’re back on the plane of regular time now. Would have been nice if Joshua gave us a little warning when that would happen,’ thought Sora.

“Sora, what’s going on? What’s the matter with Kairi? Why is she crying?” Riku asked.

“Riku, as much as I’d like to answer your questions, I really can’t. Not now. All I can say is that Kairi’s working through something,” said Sora.

“Oh. Well then, do you want to me to…?” Riku asked, unsure of whether he should stay or go and come back later.

Sora, however, knew what his best friend should be doing at the moment. He gestured to Riku to come over to them.

“Get on in here. I think it would really help Kairi if both of us were here.”

Then Kairi’s voice, slightly muffled from being against Sora, said, “Riku, please.”

That settled it for Riku. He nodded and walked over to them. He wrapped his arms around both of his best friends, so Kairi was right in between them.

Feeling the presence of her other best friend, Kairi let out a small sigh of relief. “Thank you, Riku,” she whispered.

The trio stood holding each other as Kairi continued to weep. After quite some time had passed, her sobs finally silenced and the three of them separated.

“Feeling better now, Kai?” asked Sora.

Kairi wiped away some remaining tears from her face and mustered up a smile. “Much better. I am still a little sad, but I’ll be okay. Thank you both. I really needed that”

“You’re welcome, Kairi. Now I don’t mean to pry, but would you and Sora mind telling me what that was all about? I know people who just got married tend to cry a lot on the day. But that didn’t sound like the usual happy crying,” Riku said.

“It wasn’t, Riku. I just had to do something very difficult,” said Kairi.

Riku looked confused. “What do you mean? You only stepped out of the reception to watch the sunset a short while ago. What could have possibly happened?”

“More than you know, believe it or not,” said Sora.

“I don’t understand,” said Riku.

“Let’s go sit down and we’ll tell you everything,” said Kairi as she and Sora returned to where they had been sitting with Riku following.

________________________________________________________________

A short time passed as the groom and the bride told the best man about what had transpired in the garden earlier. As he listened attentively to their story, Riku’s eyes widened as he learned what his two best friends had gone through. Once the tale was finished, he stared at them in amazement.

“Wow. I can’t believe Joshua did that. Bringing Kairi’s grandmother and birth parents from the afterlife to visit you. It sounds like it was quite a gift,” said Riku.

“It certainly was,” said Sora.

“I wish I could’ve met them myself,” said Riku.

“They would’ve liked to meet you too, Riku. We told them all about all the friends closest to us and how they all played a part in our lives especially you,” said Kairi.

Riku suddenly looked worried. “Um did you by any chance tell them about my not so good moments? Like when I gave into the darkness?”

Sora rubbed the back of his head. “Um yes, we did. They did tell us not to hold back on telling the bad stuff about our lives and unfortunately, the time when we were at each other’s throats did come up.”

“But it’s not like you were the only one of our friends who made mistakes that we mentioned to them. We also told them about Terra, Axel, Yozora and plenty of others,” said Kairi.

Riku scoffed. “Mistakes is a bit of an understatement, don’t you think?”

“Well, yes, it is. They were pretty shocked when we told them. But we also explained why we forgave everyone, how they made up for their wrongdoings and why nothing should be held against anyone,” said Kairi.

Sora smiled. “And in your case, they were very impressed by how you got off that dark path and back into the light and how since then, you’ve done all you can to watch out for us.”

“They said we were lucky to have such a devoted friend like you,” said Kairi.

Riku smiled. “Well, that’s good to hear. Thank you for telling them that. They sound like they were pretty good people.”

Kairi’s face sightly fell. “They were incredible. Which made saying goodbye to them so much harder.”

Riku placed a hand on Kairi’s shoulder. “Well, for what it’s worth, Kairi, at least this time you actually got to say goodbye to them.”

“Riku’s right. That’s a chance nobody usually gets,” said Sora.

Kairi sighed before her smile returned. “I know. And though I’m going to miss them even more now, since I got this chance to know them as well as learning more about Grandma, I know that they’re always with me in a way. As long as I hold them in here,” said Kairi gesturing to her heart.

“That’s the spirit, Kairi,” said Riku happily.

“No matter what, I’m going to look back on this night with fond memories,” said the Princess of Heart.

Sora then sighed. “So, will I, Kairi. Although, I wish I had my Gummi Phone with me so we could have taken some pictures. I know you would’ve loved to have a picture of you dancing with your father. Maybe we could’ve even done a kind of family portrait, so you’d have something to remember them by.”

“Thanks, Sora. That would have been nice, but I wouldn’t really need it. The memories of our visit will always exist in my heart. While physical proof like photographs do make remembering easier, I believe by making the extra effort to remember without them makes memories all the more valuable. I mean, we didn’t have photographs of everything from our childhood and some memories may have been lost along the way. But the most important ones are the ones you make the effort to never forget,” stated the Princess of Heart.

“That’s a very lovely thought, Kairi,” said Riku.

“Thanks, Riku.”

Kairi then looked over to her husband. To her surprise, Sora looked like he wanted to say something, but he was hesitating to do so.

“Something on your mind, Sora?” she asked

“Actually, yes. It’s kind of been on my mind throughout the visit. Kairi, would you mind if I ask you something?”

Kairi looked surprised. “Of course, you can, Sora. But why the hesitation?”

“Well, it is kind of personal and if you’re not comfortable answering, you don’t have to,” said Sora.

Kairi gave a look of shock before smiling gently at her husband. “Sora, I am your wife now. You should know you can always ask me anything. So, out with it.”

Sora calmed down. “All right. Here it goes. Kairi, have you ever wondered what your life would’ve been like if you never left Radiant Garden and came to Islands?”

Kairi didn’t say answer immediately. Instead, she rose up from the bench and walked a short distance ahead. She looked in front of her at the sight of the town that had once been her home a long time ago.

“Well Sora, I told you long ago, where I came from originally didn’t really matter that much to me since I was happy on the Islands. But if I’m being honest, the thought of how different my life would’ve been had crossed my mind. Especially now, after learning more about my roots in this world tonight, I can’t help but think about how different it would have been if certain things had or hadn’t happened,” said Kairi not turning to face her friends.

“Like if your parents never died?” asked Sora.

“Or if Xehanort had never sent you away from here?” asked Riku.

Kairi nodded. “Yes. If those things never happened, maybe I would’ve just grown up like any other child in this world. I probably would’ve continued to be friends with Aerith and maybe even became friends with the others who live here like Leon, Yuffie, Axel and Isa. I might’ve even pursued a career like my parents’ or maybe even became one of Ansem’s apprentices. Who really knows what would have happened?”

The Princess of Heart then turned around with a smile on her face. “But if I had continued to live here, I would’ve missed out on so many wonderful things. I never would’ve known the love of my adoptive parents, a couple of wonderful people who opened their hearts and their home to a lost, little girl with no memory other than her own name. I also never would’ve known the many friends I made on the Islands like Selphie, who will always be my best gal pal.”

Kairi then looked to Riku. “And especially I never would’ve met you, Riku, the best friend who became the older brother I never knew I needed,” she said to him causing a smile to appear on his face.

Then she turned to Sora with a look of absolute love in her eyes. “But most of all, I never would have met the boy who would become the one person I love more than anything in all the worlds. And that’s why I wouldn’t change a single thing about the life I did live.”

Sora looked absolutely touched by his wife’s words. “That’s so beautiful, Kai. Just like you.”

Kairi blushed. “Oh, Sora! Stop it!” she said between giggles.

Riku then piped up. “Well, Kairi, while I believe you’re right for the most part, I’m afraid I have to disagree with you on certain things.”

Sora and Kairi looked at Riku with surprise. “What do you mean, Riku?” asked Kairi.

Riku then smiled at his two best friends. “I believe that hearts that are meant to connect will always find each other. Even if we had lived in separate worlds, I believe that, one way or another, all our paths would’ve crossed, and we would’ve become friends no matter what. And you and Sora were always meant to find each other and fall in love because that was always your destiny.”

Kairi smiled. “Thank you, Riku. I really think you might be right about.”

“Since when did you get so wise, Riku?” Sora asked teasingly.

“What are you talking about? I’ve always been the wise one in our group,” Riku shot back.

“Wise guy is more like it,” said Sora.

“Hey!”

Kairi had to laugh at the exchange between her husband and her brother figure. ‘Sora and I may be married now. But some things never change.’

“Well, I think it’s time that a certain bride and groom returned to their wedding reception,” said Riku.

Sora and Kairi gasped in surprise. They turned to the ballroom and finally noticed that everything was moving again, and the sounds of the multitude of guests had resumed.

Sora laughed. “We spent so much time with Kairi’s family on that plane of slower time that we almost forgot it was still going on!”

Kairi laughed along with him. “It certainly wouldn’t look good for a newly married couple to forget that little detail.”

“There are still some things at the reception that require you two to be present. That’s why I came to find you. In fact, many are clamoring for you do the bouquet toss, Kairi,” said Riku.

Sora’s eye lit up with a mischievous gleam. “Oh, right! That’s still on the agenda. After all, we’ve got to find out who might be getting married next.”

He then turned to his wife. “So, Kairi, have you decided whose hands your bouquet is just going to ‘happen’ to land in?” he asked with a playful smile on his face.

Kairi gave a matching grin of her own. “Oh yes. I know exactly who’s just going to ‘happen’ to catch it.”

Riku was shocked. “You’re planning to throw it directly to someone? Who?”

Then a thought came to him. “Wait a minute. Are you planning on throwing it to…?” he began to ask before Kairi interrupted.

“Maybe. Maybe not. All you need to know, Riku, is that my bouquet is going to one half of a couple who deserves the same kind of happiness that Sora and I have. And that is all I’m going to say on the matter,” Kairi said matter-of-factly.

Sora chuckled. “So, you might as well give up, Riku. You know once Kairi’s made up her mind about something, there’s no stopping her.”

Riku smirked. “Well, if that’s the case, then you’re certainly doomed since you’re the one married to her.”

“He’s right about that, Sora. You know that’s how I roll.”

As Kairi and Riku laughed, Sora folded his arms and pouted. “I thought marriage was all about compromise,” he muttered.

Kairi continued to laugh as she sauntered up to her husband and linked her arm with his. “Take it easy, Sora. You know we’re only teasing. Trust me, everything we do from now on, we do as a team like any good marriage.”

Sora’s smile returned. “On that, we most certainly agree, my wife.”

Riku sighed. “Come on, you two newlyweds. Let’s get you back to the reception.”

“Very well. Lead the way, best man,” said Sora.

Riku nodded and then walked ahead. Sora and Kairi followed close behind arm-in-arm.

“So, still our newest happiest day?” Sora asked to which Kairi responded by giving him a peck on the cheek. “I take it that’s a yes?”

“You know it, my husband. For now, anyway. It’ll be tough to beat like the last one but maybe someday, a different day will take that title. And I can’t wait to find out what it is together,” said Kairi.

Sora chuckled. “Me too, Dearly Beloved. Me too.”

Riku, having overheard the exchange, shook his head with amusement. ‘You two are definitely going give a whole new meaning to the words, ‘happily married’.’

Then a tender smile came to his face. ‘I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more.’

And so, Sora and Kairi followed their best friend to where they would finish up the day’s events. Their wedding, their reception, and their gift from beyond would remain in their hearts as memories to be cherished as they moved forward into a future that would hopefully be filled with light, laughter and love.

________________________________________________________________

Notes from the Mad Doctor:

I think we’re all in agreement with Riku’s last thoughts. Sora and Kairi truly deserve a happy ending and let’s keep hoping that will happen one day.

Who was Kairi planning on tossing her bouquet to? I do have an answer for that. But it might be a while before I actually reveal it. Until then, I’ll just let you guess. Yes, that’s evil. But a Mad Doctor has to have some fun with his readers.

Also, even though I hinted Riku had a significant other, due to the rules of SoKai Week prohibiting other ships, I purposely left it unrevealed. I do have a shipping preference for Riku, but it cannot be shown in a SoKai Week story so, sorry about that.

Now for some final words of thanks.

I give my thanks to whoever reads this chapter.

I also give my special thanks to @fandomchanger, @ratchetfan2006artsi, @hinataoc, @sakuranekogirl, and @lazerfighter for their likes on the previous chapters, as well as @sokaiweek and @the-secret-place, for reblogging the previous chapters.

I also give a big thank you to the artists and writers whose work I had the pleasure of witnessing this year. You all did a great job and I really enjoyed your work.

And an especially big thank you to the moderators of the SoKai Week Tumblr for enabling us to be part of a great collection.

Happy SoKai Week and stay tuned for more from the Mad Doctor in the future!

#kingdom hearts #kh fanfiction #sokai #sokai married #sokaiweek #sokaiweek2022 #riku #kairi #sora #maddrmatt

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 2 years

Note

Happy FFWF! What was the most recent fic you wrote, and what inspired you to write it? What makes your fic unique, and why did you take it in the direction that you did?

happy ffwf choco!! the most recent fic i wrote is it was more than worth it, aka my kincoy 7+1. honestly, my big inspiration for that fic was a) my obsession with kincoy lmao and b) my desire to write some kind of exploration of claire and jack's relationship from start to finish that was a bit different than the other fics out there that do the same, hence why i ended up using a lot of outsider pov in the story. i also really wanted to include jack's relationships with his ADAs following claire, which is how the +1 section came about. and tbh i think those qualities are also what makes the fic unique -- it's one of few kincoy fics i've seen that a) looks at their relationship from the pov of others (rather than claire or jack's pov) and b) includes interactions with jamie, abbie, serena, alex, and connie. i also wanted to experiment with a bit of new writing style, and this fic proved to be the perfect opportunity; the +1 part (aka "Those Who Followed," jack's ADAs after claire) is written in present tense with intercutting past-tense flashbacks of claire and jack together, and every section ends by beginning the next. because i'm vain, here's an example:

“What do you mean?” Jamie asks. “You say you shouldn’t miss her like you do—how do you miss her?”

“Like someone who loved her.” The words spill from Jack’s tongue before he can stop them, and he can’t meet Jamie’s eyes. “Like someone she loved.”

Realization dawns across Jamie’s face, her expression carefully neutral until this point. “I see. You didn’t deserve to love her then, and you don’t deserve to mourn her now.”

Jack’s jaw tightens at her words, but he’s all but said them himself. He nods stiffly. “We never should have—”

xxx

“—tried to do this trivia, we’re bruising our egos with our own ignorance.”

Claire rolled her eyes at Jack’s comment, though a smile tugged at her lips. She didn’t put the newspaper down, either, still folded neatly in half so they could look at the weekly trivia together without seeing the answers on the back page. “We can’t give up yet, we’ve only tried the first half.”

i also transitioned through time (i.e. between jack's new ADAs, for lack of a better description) in a similar way, just using a different line break to designate the jump:

Jack swallows hard, and he closes his eyes a second time. “Thanks, Jamie,” he whispers. “Thank you.”

A chair creaks, and soon Jack feels a hand on his shoulder, a touch so gentle he can almost pretend it’s hers.

“You’re welcome.” A pause. “If you need anything, you can always call me. Even if I can’t—”

~*~

“—believe you dated a girl that gorgeous. No way, Jack. No fucking way!”

Jack laughs as Abbie looks at him, at the photo of himself and Claire, then back at him again, shaking her head in amused shock.

“Tell me about it,” he says, grinning. “Every day I asked myself how I got so lucky.”

“It wasn’t your good looks, that’s for sure,” Abbie says, but she’s grinning, too, as she hands the photo back to him.

AND THEN, with the ending of the fic, i took the poem Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep and intercut it with scenes between claire and jack, now in present tense, bc at the end of the day those we love never truly leave us 💛 here's a snippet:

“Do you?” she whispers, uncertain, and Jack’s hand slowly falls from his mouth.

“Yeah,” he says, honestly. “Yeah, I do.”

And a small, almost bashful smile tugs at Claire’s lips. “Good.” She reaches over to lace her fingers through his. “Because I think I might love you, too.”

Jack grins, too, because they are—

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

—standing at his door with wet eyes and weary faces.

“There’s been an accident, Jack,” Anita Van Buren says, her voice cracking.

“It’s Claire,” Adam Schiff says, older than he’s ever been.

Jack can’t breathe, because he is—

I am not there.

—kissing Claire Kincaid for the first time, his heart pounding out of his chest.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Jack murmurs, pulling away.

“I want to do this,” Claire counters, tugging him down into another kiss.

She wants to do this, because she is—

I did not die.

28 years old when a drunk driver smashes into the left side of her car.

and it goes on from there. STYLISTIC EXPERIMENTATION!! always a good time 😌 anyways this response is Way Too Long lmao, thank you for letting me ramble 💛

#amy answers #ffwf #chocomd

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bisognamorire · 4 months

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Dear A.,

Happy Saturday!

I feel a bit stupid and pathetic to leave these messages here for you, because for all I know you might not even look at my blog. At least thats what I remember you telling me in a letter. I still hope that they might reach you somehow, somewhen. I had to think of how you agreed to me as we drove to Grasmere, ‘it was so horrible when we didn’t speak last year’. Why did it happen again?

Why, why, why.

Last week, after getting your message and realising I didn’t have the option to send my ‘goodbye’ message to you and wondering why you avoided using the word ‘love’ in regards to me and instead used ‘care’, I became so unwell that I needed desperately to be around people and keep myself from the need to harm myself.

I visited Sharon every day a few hours in the evening or afternoon. At some point she told me that her boyfriend was complaining about me visiting them and that I was annoying him by just seeming ‘down’ and that shes scared he might break up with her because I need so much support. I felt awful. Like I am unwanted wherever I turn to and that I cause harm everywhere. I told Sh. that I wouldn’t visit anymore out of fear that i might endanger her relationship but also out of feeling unwelcome. Seemingly unhappy with that arrangement too, Sh. started berating me for an hour. I want to give you a selection of things she concluded about me:

1. it is my own fault that I don’t have any friends because of ‘how’ i am

2. i don’t even want/ try to be not-depressed

3. the 10 years I’ve been to therapy in total were completely useless because in her opinion I have not progressed an inch

4. I am not making any effort to live ‘independently’ ((despite me literally doing that))

I asked her at least three times to leave my flat while she was ranting to me, but she refused and kept hurting me with those words. My brain switched into dissociation mode then.

People always speak of how we need to destigmatize the mentally ill etc. yet when I show symptoms of being depressed, all my relatives and friends are blowing in the wind. Seems like its more an ideal they’d like to uphold and not a reality that they want to actually bear. people always reveal themselves with their actions.

This week I tried to meet with the few friends I have. Some of those meetings helped me distract myself for a while with mindless chatter and others wounded me more, for example, with Fatma, who treated me harshly and basically kicked me out of her home. I think she didn’t do it out of bad intent. She is just very stressed because of always being at work. I wonder why so many people don't realise that their jobs are killing their joy in life and make them so irritated that they treat everyone around them like shit and why they don’t take action against it. But still, I’ve had enough of people kicking me out of their lives and homes.

Apart from all these things (as you can see, the people around me are little comfort to me) I bought a few tools and paints to create my Yamato (One Piece) cosplay. So, now, when I am not at work, I play my video game ‘Lies of P’ (I’m at that boss fight against Fuoco) or to tinker on the cosplay or take naps. It is good to occupy my mind by trying to figure out how to create things for the cosplay. I don’t get into repetitive thoughts about you and everything when I am doing that.

The other day I formed Yamato’s horns out of Foam Clay.

Yesterday I spray painted them with a layer of liquid plastic and then coloured them with Acrylics.

Since Yamato is a demon, he was shackled but he broke free at some point. I also made his shackles out of EVA foam and I will hopefully paint them today after work.

I miss you horribly and I wish I could cry and weep about your decision to not be in my life anymore or have any part of me in yours. But due to dissociation, I can’t cry these days. I just feel like this empty black hole that threatens to even swallow up itself if I don’t keep my mind preoccupied.

I just sit and stare at the ceiling. I go over your last message to me over and over in my mind and get into panic attacks when I try to think of what you’re doing, how you’re doing because I realise we’ve never not spoken in such a long time and I don’t know anything about you anymore. Most of the time this takes up so much energy of me, that in the end I just rot in bed.

I wish I could know how you’re doing and what's going on in your life, too. Before you asked me not to, I would check your blog but there wasn’t really much that would give anything away and since I also misunderstood the meaning of that greek song (did I really?) I wonder what else I might misunderstand, even if there is any hint. When I don’t see anything I get very disappointed and feel very hurt, so I try not to check it anymore but I feel desperate to. I sometimes wonder how you don't have the same urge to reach out to me and know how I am etc. and it hurts too.

I want to say ‘don’t be a stranger’, and I try not to be one to you by writing these and I wish you’d also not be one to me.

Your Sabo, who loves you.

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