#WE ADOPTED THE GIRL WHAT'S HER NAME SHE'S OUR NEW DAUGHTER NOW
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By: Beth Bourne
Published: Feb 27, 2024
Kaiser gender specialists were eager to approve hormones and surgeries, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.”
On September 6, 2022, I received mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminding me of a routine cervical screening. The language of the reminder stood out to me: “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” When I asked my Ob-Gyn about this strange wording, she told me the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of their “transgender” and “gender fluid” patients.
Based on this response, several thoughts occurred to me. Could I expose the medical scandal of “gender-affirming care” by saying and doing everything my daughter and other trans-identifying kids are taught to do? Would there be the type of medical safeguarding and differential diagnosis we would expect in other fields of medicine, or would I simply be allowed to self-diagnose and be offered the tools (i.e. hormones and surgeries) to choose my own gender adventure and become my true authentic self?
If I could demonstrate that anyone suffering from delusions of their sex, self-hatred, or identity issues could qualify for and easily obtain body-altering hormones and surgeries, all covered by insurance as “medically necessary” and potentially “life-saving” care, then maybe people would finally wake up. I certainly had.
I was prepared for failure. I wasn’t prepared for how easy success would be.
* * *
I am a 53-year-old mom from Davis, CA. My daughter began identifying as a transgender boy (social transition) and using he/him pronouns at school during 8th grade. Like several of her peers who also identified as trans at her school, my daughter was a gifted student and intellectually mature but socially immature. This shift coincided with her school’s sudden commitment to, and celebration of, a now widespread set of radical beliefs about the biology of sex and gender identity.
She “came out” as trans to her father (my ex-husband) and me through a standard coming-out letter, expressing her wish to start puberty blockers. She said she knew they were safe, citing information she had read from Planned Parenthood and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was also confused because this announcement was sudden and unexpected. While others quickly accepted and affirmed my daughter’s new identity, I was apprehensive and felt the need to learn more about what was going on.
Events began escalating quickly.
During a routine doctor’s visit scheduled for dizziness my daughter said that she was experiencing, the Kaiser pediatrician overheard her father using “he/him” pronouns for our daughter. The pediatrician seemed thrilled, quickly asking my daughter about her “preferred pronouns” and updating her medical records to denote that my daughter was now, in fact, my son. The pediatrician then recommended we consult the Kaiser Permanente Oakland Proud pediatric gender clinic, where she could get further information and (gender affirming) “treatment.” Now I was the one feeling dizzy.
As I began educating myself on this issue, I discovered that this phenomenon—minors, most often teen girls, suddenly adopting trans identities—was becoming increasingly widespread. It even had a name: rapid onset gender dysphoria, or ROGD. Thankfully, after learning about the potential side-effects of blockers and hormones, my ex-husband and I managed to agree not to consent to any medical interventions for our daughter until she turned 18 and would then be able to make such decisions as an adult.
Over the past five years, my daughter’s identity has slowly evolved in ways that I see as positive. Our bond, however, has become strained, particularly since I began publicly voicing my concerns about what many term as “gender ideology.” Following my daughter’s 17th birthday family celebration, she sent me an email that evening stating she would be cutting off contact with me.
While this estrangement brought me sorrow, with my daughter living full-time with her father, it also gave me the space to be an advocate/activist in pushing back on gender identity ideology in the schools and the medical industry.
I decided to go undercover as a nonbinary patient to show my daughter what danger she might be putting herself in—by people who purport to have her health as their interest, but whose main interest is in medically “affirming” (i.e., transitioning) whoever walks through their door. I am at heart a mother protecting her child.
* * *
My daughter’s sudden decision to become a boy was heavily on my mind in early September of 2022, when mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminded me of a routine cervical screening with “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” I was told that the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of transgender and “gender fluid” patients.
Throughout the whole 231-day process of my feigned gender transition, the Kaiser gender specialists were eager to serve me and give me what I wanted, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.” My emails were returned quickly, my appointments scheduled efficiently, and I never fell through the cracks. I was helped along every step of the way.
Despite gender activists and clinicians constantly claiming that obtaining hormones and surgeries is a long and complex process with plenty of safety checks in place, I was in full control at every checkpoint. I was able to self-diagnose, determine how strong a dose of testosterone I received and which surgeries I wanted to pursue, no matter how extreme and no matter how many glaring red flags I purposefully dropped. The medical workers I met repeatedly reminded me that they were not there to act as “gatekeepers.”
I was able to instantly change my medical records to reflect my new gender identity and pronouns. Despite never being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I was able to obtain a prescription for testosterone and approval for a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy from my doctor. It took only three more months (90 days) to be approved for surgery to remove my uterus and have a fake penis constructed from the skin of my thigh or forearm. Therapy was never recommended.
Critics might dismiss my story as insignificant on the grounds that I am a 53-year-old woman with ample life experience who should be free to alter her body. However, this argument for adult bodily autonomy is a standard we apply to purely cosmetic procedures like breast implants, liposuction, and facelifts, not “medically necessary” and “lifesaving” treatments covered by health insurance. Or interventions that compromise health and introduce illness into an otherwise healthy body. And especially not for children.
My story, which I outline in much more detail below, should convince any half-rational person that gender medicine is not operating like any other field of medicine. Based on a radical concept of “gender identity,” this medical anomaly preys upon the body-image insecurities common among pubescent minors to bill health insurance companies for permanent cosmetic procedures that often leave their patients with permanently altered bodies, damaged endocrine systems, sexual dysfunction, and infertility.
* * *
Detailed Timeline of Events
On October 6, 2022, I responded to my Ob-Gyn’s email to tell her that, after some thought, I’d decided that maybe the label “cis woman” didn’t truly reflect who I was. After all, I did have some tomboyish tendencies. I told her I would like my records to be changed to reflect my newly realized “nonbinary” identity, and that my new pronouns were they/them. I also voiced my desire to be put in touch with an endocrinologist to discuss starting testosterone treatment.
Fifteen minutes later I received an email from another Kaiser doctor informing me that my medical records had been changed, and that once my primary doctor returned to the office, I’d be able to speak with her about hormone therapy.
I responded the following day (October 7, 2022), thanking her for changing my records, and asking if she could connect me with someone who could help me make an appointment for “top surgery” (i.e., a cosmetic double mastectomy) because my chest binder was rather “uncomfortable after long days and playing tennis.”
She told me to contact my primary care MD to “get things rolling,” and that there were likely to be “preliminary evaluations.”
Six days after contacting my primary care MD for a referral, I received an email from one of Kaiser’s gender specialists asking me to schedule a phone appointment so she could better understand my goals for surgery, so that I could get “connected to care.” This call to review my “gender affirming treatment options and services” would take 15-20 minutes, after which I would be “booked for intake,” allowing me to proceed with medical transition.
This wasn’t an evaluation of whether surgical transition was appropriate, it was simply a meeting for me to tell them what I wanted so that they could provide it.
On October 18, I had my one and only in-person appointment in preparation for top surgery. I met in Davis with my primary care physician, Dr. Hong-wen Xue. The assessment was a 10-minute routine physical exam that included blood tests. Everything came back normal. Notably, there was not a single question about why I wanted top surgery or cross-sex hormones. Nor was there any discussion of the risks involved with these medical treatments.
The following week, on October 24, I had a phone appointment with Rachaell Wood, MFT, a gender specialist with Kaiser Sacramento. The call lasted 15 minutes and consisted of standard questions about potential drug use, domestic violence, guns in the house, and whether I experienced any suicidal thoughts. There were no questions from the gender specialist about my reasons for requesting a mastectomy or cross-sex hormones, or why I suddenly, at 52, decided I was “nonbinary.”
After the call, Kaiser emailed me instructions about how to prepare for my pre-surgery intake video appointment to evaluate my mental health, scheduled to take place on November 15. The email stated that prior to my appointment, I should research hormone risks on the WPATH website, and to “research bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery risks and recovery” on Kaiser’s website.
I decided to request a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy and phalloplasty. Kaiser sent me a sample timeline for gender transition surgery preparation (see below) that you can use as a reference for the process. I also asked for a prescription for cross-sex hormones (testosterone) as needed and recommended by Kaiser.
[ Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]
Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part I
This “Mental Health Visit” assessment was conducted over Zoom. The Kaiser gender specialist started with questions addressing my marital status, race, gender identity, and other demographics. She asked whether I was “thinking of any other surgeries, treatments in the future.” The list she read included “gender-affirming” hysterectomies, bottom surgeries such as metoidioplasty and phalloplasty, vocal coaching, support groups, and body contouring. “Anything else you might be interested in doing?” she asked. I said that I’d perhaps be interested in body contouring. I was also assured that all the procedures would be covered by insurance because they were considered “medically necessary.”
I dropped in several red flags regarding my mental health to see the reaction, but all were ignored. For instance, I revealed that I had PTSD. When the therapist asked me about whether I had experienced any “childhood trauma,” I explained that I grew up in Mexico City and had been groped several times and had also witnessed men masturbating in public and had been grabbed by men in subways and buses. “I was a young girl, so [I had] lots of experiences of sexual harassments, sexual assault, just the kind of stuff that happens when you are a girl growing up in a big city.” “So, you know,” I finished, “just the general feeling that you are unsafe, you know, in a female body.”
The therapist did not respond to my disclosure that trauma could be the cause of my dysphoria. Instead of viewing this trauma as potentially driving my desire to escape my female body through hormones and surgery, she asked whether there is anything “important that the surgery team should be aware of” regarding my “history of trauma,” such as whether I’d be comfortable with the surgeon examining and marking my chest prior to surgery.
When asked about whether I had had any “psychotic symptoms,” I told her that while I had had no such symptoms, my mother had a delusional nervous breakdown in her 50s because she had body dysmorphia and became convinced she had a growth on her neck that needed to be removed. I told her that my mother was then admitted to an inpatient hospital for severe depression. I asked her whether she ever sees patients with body dysmorphia and whether I could have potentially inherited that from my mother. She told me that psychosis was hereditary, but that it was “highly unlikely” that there was any connection between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.
I enthusiastically waved more mental health red flags, waiting to see if she would pick up on any of them.
I’m just wondering if my feelings, or perseverating, or feeling like these breasts make me really unhappy and I just don’t want them anymore!...I’m just not sure if that’s a similar feeling to body dysmorphia? How do you decide which one is gender dysphoria and general body dysmorphia, and just not liking something about your body? Feeling uncomfortable with your body?
And I did have an eating disorder all through college. I was a distance runner in college so I had bulimia and anorexia, you know. So I don’t know if that’s related to gender dysphoria?
The therapist replied, “I completely appreciate your concerns, but I am going to ask you questions about your chest, about your expectations. And then I’ll be able to give you an assessment.” She also said the main difference between my mom’s situation and mine was that my mom didn’t really have a growth on her neck, whereas it’s “confirmed” that I actually have “chest tissue.” Furthermore, she said that while “historically there has been all this pressure on patients to be like ‘Are you really, really sure you want hormones? Are you 100% sure?’ We are a little more relaxed.” She continued, “As long as you are aware of the risks and the side-effects, you can put your toe in the water. You can stop ‘T’ [testosterone], you can go back and do it again later! You can stop it! You can stop it! You know what I mean?”
Because we ran out of time, I scheduled a follow-up phone meeting on December 27, 2022 with a different gender specialist to complete my mental health assessment for top surgery.
Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part II
During this meeting, Guneet Kaur, LCSW, another Kaiser gender specialist (she/her/they/them pronouns) told me that she regretted the “gatekeeping vibe” of the meeting but assured me that since I have been “doing the work,” her questions are essentially just a form of “emotional support” before talking with the medical providers.
She asked me about what I’d been “looking into as far as hormones.” I told her that I’d be interested in taking small doses of testosterone to counterbalance my female feelings to achieve “a feeling that’s kind of neutral.”
When she asked me about me “not feeling like I match on the outside what I feel on the inside,” I dropped more red flags, mentioning my aversion to wearing dresses and skirts.
I don’t own a single dress or a skirt and haven't in 20 years. I think for me it’s been just dressing the way that’s comfortable for me, which is just wearing, jeans and sweatshirts and I have a lot of flannel shirts and, and I wear boots all the time instead of other kinds of shoes. So I think it’s been nice being able to dress, especially because I work from home now most of the time that just a feeling of clothing being one of the ways that I can feel more non-binary in my everyday life.
She responded, “Like having control over what you wear and yeah. Kind of that feeling of just, yeah, this is who I am today. That’s awesome. Yeah.”
She then asked me to describe my dysphoria, and I told her that I didn’t like the “feeling of the female form and being chesty,” and that because I am going through menopause, I wanted to start taking testosterone to avoid “that feeling of being like this apple-shaped older woman.” “Good. Okay, great,” she responded, reminding me that only “top surgery,” not testosterone, would be able to solve my chest dysphoria. (Perhaps it was because all these meetings were online, they didn’t notice I’m actually fit and relatively slender at 5’-5” and 130 pounds, and not apple-shaped at all.)
She told me that we had to get through a few more questions related to my medical history before “we can move on to the fun stuff, which is testosterone and top surgery.”
The “fun stuff” consisted of a discussion about the physical and mood changes I could expect, and her asking me about the dose of testosterone I wanted to take and the kind of “top surgery” technique I’d prefer to achieve my “chest goals.” She told me that all or most of my consultations for surgeries and hormones would be virtual.
The gender specialist told me after the appointment, she would submit my referral to the Multi-Specialty Transitions Clinic (MST) team that oversees “gender expansive care.” They would follow up to schedule a “nursing call” with me to review my medical history, after which they’d schedule my appointment with a surgeon for a consultation. Her instructions for this consultation were to “tell them what you’re wanting for surgery and then they share with you their game plan.”
[ Decision-making slide to help me identify my goals for top surgery–flat chest, nipple sensation, or minimal scarring. Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]
She told me that Kaiser has a team of plastic surgeons who “only work with trans and nonbinary patients because there’s just so much need for them.” She asked about my priorities for chest surgery, such as whether I value flatness over nipple sensation. I learned about double incision top surgery with nipple grafts, as well as “keyhole,” “donut,” “buttonhole,” and “Inverted-T” top surgeries.
By the end of the hour-long appointment, I had my surgery referral and was ready for my “nursing call” appointment.
Nursing call with Nurse Coordinator from the Transgender Surgery and Gender Pathways Clinic at Kaiser San Francisco
On January 19, 2023, I had my nursing call with the Nurse Coordinator. He first said that “the purpose of this call is just for us to go through your chart together and make sure everything’s as accurate as possible.” Once that was done, my referral would be sent to the surgeon for a consultation.
He asked me about potential allergies and recreational drug use, and verified that I was up to date on mammograms, pap smears, and colon cancer screenings, as well as vaccines for flu and COVID. I verified my surgical history as well as my current medications and dietary supplements.
He told me about a “top surgery class” available for patients where one of the Kaiser surgeons “presents and talks about surgical techniques and options within top surgery,” and includes a panel of patients who have had top surgery. I signed up for the February 8th class.
Within 10 minutes he told me that he had “sent a referral to the plastic surgery department at Kaiser Sacramento,” and that I should be hearing from them in the next week or two to schedule a consultation.
Appointment for Testosterone
On January 27, I had a 13-minute online appointment with a primary care doctor at Kaiser Davis to discuss testosterone. The doctor verified my name and preferred pronouns, and then directly asked: “So, what would you like to do? What kind of physical things are you looking for?”
I told her I wanted facial hair, a more muscular and less “curvy” physique, and to feel stronger and androgynous. She asked me when I wanted to start, and I told her in the next few months. She asked me if I was menopausal, whether I had ovaries and a uterus, although that information should have been on my chart.
The doctor said she wanted me to come in to get some labs so she could check my current estrogen, testosterone, and hemoglobin levels before starting hormones. Then “we'll set the ball in motion and you'll be going. We’ll see you full steam ahead in the direction you wanna go.”
That was it. I made an appointment and had my lab tests done on February 12. My labs came back on February 14, and the following day, after paying a $5 copay at the Kaiser pharmacy, I picked up my testosterone pump. That was easy!
Top Surgery Consultation
On the same day I received my labs, I had a Zoom surgery consultation with Karly Autumn-Kaplan, MD, Kaiser Sacramento plastic surgeon. This consultation was all about discussing my “goals” for surgery, not about whether surgery was needed or appropriate.
I told the surgeon that I wanted a “flatter, more androgynous appearance.” She asked me some questions to get a better idea of what that meant for me. She said that some patients want a “male chest,” but that others “want to look like nothing, like just straight up and down, sometimes not even nipples.” Others still wanted their chest to appear slightly feminine and only “slightly rounded.” I told her that I’d like my chest to have a “male appearance.”
“What are your thoughts about keeping your nipples?” she asked. “Are you interested in having nipples or would you like them removed?” I told her that I’d like to keep my nipples, but to make them “smaller in size.” She asked me if I’d like them moved to “the edge of the peck muscle” to achieve “a more male appearance.” I said yes.
I was asked to show my bare chest from the front and side, which I did. Then she asked me how important it was for me to keep my nipple sensation. I replied that it was important unless it would make recovery more difficult or there were other associated risks. She highlighted the problem with the free nipple graft, saying that removing the nipple to relocate it means “you're not gonna have sensation in that nipple and areola anymore.” However, some nipple sensation could be preserved by keeping it attached to “a little stalk of tissue” with “real nerves going to it,” but that would require leaving more tissue behind. I told her I’d go for the free nipple graft to achieve a flatter appearance. It was also suggested I could skip nipple reconstruction entirely and just get nipples “tattooed” directly onto my chest.
She told me I was “a good candidate for surgery,” and put me on the surgery wait list. She said that the wait time was between three and five months, but a cancellation could move me up to a sooner date. Also, if I wanted surgery as soon as possible, I could tell the surgery scheduler that I’d be willing to have any of the other three surgeons perform my mastectomy. Outpatient top surgery would cost me a copay of $100.
They contacted twice, in February and March, notifying me of cancellations. If I had accepted and shown up on those dates, they would have removed my breasts. This would have been less than five months from the time I first contacted Kaiser to inform them of my new “nonbinary” gender identity.
How Far Can I Go?
I decided to see how easy it would be for me to get approved for a phalloplasty. Known euphemistically as “bottom surgery,” phalloplasty is the surgical creation of an artificial penis, generally using tissue from the thigh or arm.
I sent an email on March 1, 2023, requesting to have a phalloplasty and concurrent hysterectomy scheduled alongside my mastectomy.
Two weeks later, on March 16th, I had a 16-minute phone call with a gender specialist to discuss my goals for bottom surgery and obtain my referral.
During the call, I explained to the specialist that I wasn’t sure about taking testosterone anymore because I was already quite athletic and muscular, and that taking testosterone didn’t make much sense to me. Instead, I wanted bottom surgery so that I wouldn’t feel like my “top” didn’t match my “bottom.” I told her:
But what I really wanted was to have bottom surgery. So this way when I have my top surgery, which sounds like it could be very soon, that I’ll be aligned, that I won’t have this sense of dysphoria with one part of my body and the other part feeling like it matched who I am. So yeah. So I just did a little bit more research into that. And I looked at the resources on the Kaiser page for the MST clinic and I think I know what I want, which is the hysterectomy and then at the same time or soon after to be able to have a phalloplasty.
I told her that I wanted to schedule the top and bottom surgery concurrently so that I wouldn’t have to take more time off work and it would save me trips to San Francisco or Oakland, or wherever I had to go for surgery.
None of this gave the gender specialist pause. After a brief conversation about some online resources to look over, she told me that she would “submit the referral now and we’ll get this ball rolling.”
Bottom surgery would cost me a copay of $200, which included a couple of days in the hospital for recovery.
Phalloplasty Surgical Consultation with Nurse Coordinator
On May 16, 2023, I had a short surgical consultation with a nurse coordinator to go through my medical history. This was similar to the consultation for top surgery but included information about hair removal procedures for the skin on my “donor site” that would be fashioned into a makeshift penis. They also went over the procedures for determining which donor site—forearm or thigh—was more viable.
After only 15 minutes, she submitted my referral to the surgeon for another surgical consultation.
On May 25 I received an email from my phalloplasty surgeon’s scheduler, informing me that they have received my referral and are actively working on scheduling, but that they are experiencing delays.
I ended my investigation here once I had the referral for the top and bottom surgery. I never used my testosterone pump.
Final Thoughts
In fewer than 300 days, based on a set of superficial and shifting thoughts about my gender and my “embodiment goals” triggered by the mere mention of “gender” in a form letter from my primary care physician, and driven by what could only be described as minor discomforts, Kaiser Permanente’s esteemed “multi-disciplinary team” of “gender specialists” was willing, with enthusiasm—while ignoring mental health concerns, history of sexual trauma, and rapidly escalating surgical requests—to prescribe life-altering medications and perform surgeries to remove my breasts, uterus, and vagina, close my vaginal opening, and attempt a complex surgery with high failure and complication rates to create a functionless representation of a penis that destroys the integrity of my arm or thigh in the process.
This describes the supposedly meticulous, lengthy, and safety-focused process that a Kaiser patient must undergo to embark on a journey to medically alter their body. No clinician questioned my motivations. No one showed concern that I might be addressing a mental health issue through radical and irreversible interventions that wouldn’t address my amorphous problems. There were no discussions about how these treatments would impact my long-term health, romantic relationships, family, or sex life. I charted the course. The clinicians followed my lead without question. The guiding issue was what I wanted to look like.
No other medical field operates with this level of carelessness and disregard for patient health and welfare. No other medical field addresses issues of self-perception with surgery and labels it “medically necessary.” No other medical field is this disconnected from the reality of the patients it serves.
Kaiser has traded medicine for ideology. It’s far beyond time we stop the ruse of considering “gender-affirming” interventions as anything approaching medical care.
This isn’t the first time Kaiser Permanente has been in the news for completely disregarding medical safeguards in the name of “gender-affirming care.” As girls, Chloe Cole and Layla Jane became convinced that they were born in the wrong body and were actually boys on the inside. Doctors at Kaiser ignored their underlying conditions and instead prescribed testosterone and removed their breasts. Both Cole and Jane have since detransitioned and are currently suing Kaiser.
The fact that children and vulnerable adults are being exploited in this massive ideological experiment is not just tragic; it’s deeply disturbing, especially considering it has evolved into a billion-dollar industry.
I hope that by sharing my story, I can bring more focused scrutiny to the medical scandal unfolding not just at Kaiser but also at medical centers and hospitals across the Western world. These institutions have completely abandoned medical safeguards for patients who claim to be confused about their “gender,” and I aim to awaken more parents and assist them in protecting their children.
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This is completely insane.
Apologists online are running around saying, but she didn't mean it, she was lying, she was pretending...
It doesn't matter.
Any kind of security, penetration or integrity test is insincere too. When security researchers compromise Microsoft's operating system or Google's browser or whatever, "but they didn't mean it" is not a defence to a discovered security flaw. It doesn't matter that the security researchers didn't plan to steal data or money or identities. The flaw in the system is there regardless.
It doesn't matter that it was insincere. Because the workers didn't know that. They never checked, never asked questions, never tested. They had been taught and instructed to never ask any questions. They did what they were supposed to. And the system failed spectacularly. Because that's what "gender affirming care" means.
Additionally, the claim that Beth Bourne committed fraud is an outright lie. A patient cannot bill. They do not have the authority. The medical clinic is the only one that can bill, and they must supply a diagnosis and a medical necessity.
If they didn't diagnose her and just wrote down what she said, then they committed fraud. If they claim they did diagnose her, then they committed fraud, because the diagnosis they concocted was bogus. This, by the way, is actually going on. Clinics are reporting fake endocrine and other disorders to get blockers, hormones and other interventions. Jamie Reed and other whistleblowers have documented evidence of this. Beth Bourne is not responsible for what the clinic does. They have medical licenses and legal responsibility. Not her.
Additionally, anyone who actually read the article would know how she tested the system. She said things like, "I've always been not that feminine. So, maybe I get my boobs removed." And they said, "sure." Instead of saying, "wait, why do you think that?" Framing it as her lying is itself a lie. They violated their ethical obligations. That much is incontrovertible. And it's directly the result of "gender affirming care," where clinics and clinicians rubber-stamp anything deemed "trans" based entirely on ideological, not medical, grounds.
#Beth Bourne#undercover#undercover investigation#gender identity ideology#queer theory#nonbinary#non binary#top surgery#bottom surgery#double mastectomy#bilateral mastectomy#gender affirming care#gender affirming healthcare#gender affirmation#affirmation model#medical scandal#medical malpractice#medical corruption#religion is a mental illness
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A Linguistic Analysis of the Spelling Names "Ania" and "Anya" (and the chapter and languages of Ostania)
This includes spoilers from Short Mission 11, or Chapter 90.1
It's not a secret that Anya's (Ania) name change was officialized along with Loid (Lloyd) and Yor (Yoru/Yolanda) in July 2019. I do recall that our loveable Forger family had different spellings in the early manga releases. Many believed that it was Endo-san's way to cover up the spelling mistake, but I believe that, whether or not the origin and/or intention was a mistake, it paved a beautiful opportunity for a deep dive into linguistics and character analysis on Anya Forger.
First, I'd like to address my thoughts on "ANIA" as the spelling. Here are a few of my impressions on this:
"ANIA" could be perceived as her original spelling because wherever she came from used this spelling.
"ANIA" could just be her limitation as a child when it came to spelling her name.
"ANIA" could be an acronym from her lab that probably served the purpose of her existence.
"ANIA" could be the name of her mother/creator. And she was subjected to share the same name of her creator for "sourcing" purposes.
"ANIA" when applied to numerology number, reinforced her code name which is 007 (which is super meta to me, but probably is a coincidence because we all know 007 was Endo's way of referencing James Bond). S/O to @momentocollector for sharing this!
Second, I'd like to address "ANIA" as an identity for our precious baby girl.
"Ania" is the chosen spelling. This could possibly mean that this is her real name and how it should be spelled (You, as the owner of your name have every right to decide what your name should be, spelled, or pronounced after all).
"Ania" could possibly be an influence of either her mother-tongue language's spelling.
"Ania" could possibly be due to her limitation of spelling. (I don't think she is aware of how her name should be spelled.)
Recall that Yor carved out Anya's name as "Ania" and didn't question it. This could be a reflection of Yor's own lack of familiarity of Ostanian orthography since she is academically limited, and she would have listened to how Anya would have wanted her name to be spelled. Furthermore, this tells me that Yor's absence of questioning reflects that she accepts her daughter no matter who she is, be it "Ania" or "Anya".
Third, I'd like to address "ANYA" as her name's spelling.
"A-N-Y-A" is the spelling that her papa gave her, which tells her that she can now be on the same playing field as her parents. Their names and titles are all "masks" in this masquerade that they call "Forger". So, to little Anya, it means that she finally belongs with someone. Anya has essentially found "her home".
We also know that Franky did do a lot of paperwork and found that "Anya" is the spelling that was written down on her adoption papers. This reinforces that "Anya" is the standard Ostanian orthography of her name.
I perceive Loid as a person replicating the "average Ostanian" (since this is a deep cover mission after all), so to also tell her that her name is spelled a certain way reinforces that she has a new identity as an "Ostanian child". (I find this quite ironically poetic because it's a "fake man" giving a "fake name" to his "fake daughter").
I also see that when Anya's eyes light up, it could also mean that this new identity in her spelling change meant she was finally liberated from her days as a lab experiment and living in an orphanage.
Fourth, I'd like to address spelling etymology.
Since I'm not a Japanese linguist expert, I found @connoisseursdecomfort post to be quite educational when it came to Japanese spelling.
What we learn from the above post is that "Ania" is an acceptable name spelling in "Old Japanese". But as time progressed, the spelling changed to "Anya" which is the modern-day spelling of this name (this may tie into Anya's character lore).
We can track "i" becomes "y" in the evolution of the alphabet from Phoenician (c. 1000 BC) to Archaeic Greek (c. 750 BC). S/O to @rachellysebrook for this link. (Again, what this reinforces is Anya's background with an unidentified mother country/mother tongue language).
Another thing is that Yor Forger did not react to the spelling of "Ania". It could possibly be that she recognized Anya's limitation, given that her daughter already had poor scores since her admission.
We also learned that Yor, a real Ostanian, seems to be limited with Ostanian orthography which is most likely due to her dropping out of school to take care of Yuri (fake Ostanian /j). From her interaction with Anya, off-screen, it appears that Yor seems indifferent to spelling standards of names (Which is nice! She is subtly against society's norm and I love her for that). Had she been aware of the spelling, she would have been the one to ask instead of Loid. (But again, it must be Loid because it's poetic and has a much more meaningful interaction between "Loid" and "Anya").
Fifth, I'd like to address the name's (possible) impact on character purpose in the story.
"Anya" means mother in Hungarian (S/O to @httplovecraft1890. This inspired my thoughts on "Ania" as a name in the lab). Could this possibly be an inspiration or coincidence? It could be a stretch, but perhaps Anya's purpose in the lab is that she's a "mother weapon" for war.
"Ania" means "gracious" and "merciful" according to Google. Which makes me think that the lab scientists went with this name because it would represent her purpose as a weapon of war. Perhaps Ania becomes the "truth serum" and could be seen as the "angel of death" because she knows the war captor's thoughts and inevitably they are executed (a possible headcanon).
Sixth, I'd like to discuss the factors of the mysterious "unidentified language".
Anya did use "oui" in the anime when Loid had adopted her. This automatically made me think her possible origins could be French, but it could also take another step back in the language family: Romance. What makes this work is that we treat "Classical Language" as a dead language based on what we read/saw in the manga/anime like Latin. Anya has an innate potential to be bi-/multilingual.
Bonus: Seventh, I'd like to talk about the languages in this anime (This is a bit of a ramble but since we're talking about linguistics, I thought why not)...
Based on the dialogues spoken in the anime, we can confirm that English exclamatory (Oh my God, Goddammit, Shit, Wow, Elegant, etc.) and the Japanese language are the main components of the Ostanian language. This is reinforced by many characters who have used English expressions (Loid, Yuri, Yor, Anya, Damian, Henderson, etc.)
What does bug me is whether or not "oui", a French exclamatory, should be categorized as part of the Ostanian language or if that should be categorized for Anya's hidden lore. The reason is that when Loid/Twilight heard Anya say "oui" in front of him, he did not question it. (Perhaps he was too tired to process this, or he excused it as something Anya could have seen on TV and is merely mimicking. I really don't think Twilight would be the type to excuse this realization had he not had the aforementioned state of mind). I'm leaning more towards the latter as this is from Anya's mother tongue language.
In conclusion (or tldr;): "Ania" may be her real name, but "Anya" is her new identity as part of the Forgers.
If you read everything, thank you for your time! The linguist in me is so happy that Endo-san is steeping his foot into linguistic territory. As short as this chapter was, it said A LOT to me linguistically and provided more details to the scraps of lore that we know of Anya but it also tells us a bit more about Yor, Loid/Twilight, and Ostania.
#spy x family#spy x family spoiler#spy x family chapter 90.1#Anya Forger#Ania#Anya#name analysis#manga chapter analysis#analysis#Spy x family Analysis#linguistics#orthography#loid forger#yor forger#scarlymadeathing#scarlydidathing#scarlywroteathing
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A Proposal pt.1
Pairing- Ronal x Texpram!reader
Summary- After being banished by your own clan someone finds you and brings you to a new start, hopefully.
Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3
Warnings- mention of a dagger, I had to made Tonowari 💀 so sorry for my Tono luvers lmk if I missed something Texpram Clan info creds to Anon who thought of the series
i'awn fitsenge- Stay here
A baby. It all started with a baby. Four short years ago you found a baby, she was light blue, a fin like tail, and beautiful eyes that looked like the ocean it was a Metkayina baby. You looked so long for anything that connected with the babes parent, nothing. And you knew if you took her back to your clan they would kill her and you couldn't have that. So you did the only intelligent thing you could think of, you hid her and raised her as yours, fed her, clothed her, and named her she was yours. It worked until it didn't.
A week ago some woman from your tribe walked into your home asking from help with something but then she saw you playing with Reyna, your daughter. She snatched you both by your arm, ''Get off of my daughter.'' You said catching everyones attention especially Va'ru the clan leader. And thats how you found yourself banished along with your dragon and daughter floating in the middle of the vast ocean and your mind drifted back every so often to the day you were kicked. ''That is not a Texpram baby you have brought shame to our clan bringing this beast into our home.'' Va'ru hissed. ''Leave and never come back.'' Was all he said turning his nose up at you, no one looked at you or even talked to you as you straddled Serci and rode off from the only home you've ever known.
It had been about 5 days since you left and there was nothing, litterally nothing around you but water. That was until you heard a faint, ''Hello!'' in the back ground. Your daughters ears perched up and smiled waving the strange person over. You put your finger over her mouth, quickly grabbing your dagger you had in your bag and clutched your child. The person, well girl reached you and looked at Serci in astonishment guess shes never seen a dragon. You observed her she looked like Reyna so she was Metkayina. It seemed she was observing you as well, just not as hostile. ''Hi my name is Tsireya what's yours.'' The girl introducted herself she seemed nice, but things weren't always as they seem.
''Oh my name is Reyna and this is my mommy Y/-'' Cut off by you doing a small hiss she sighed. ''You are her mom.'' She asked kind of confused at the physical diffrence of you both. ''Yes her adopted mother.'' You explained she shook her head in understandment. ''So where you guys headed?'' Tsireya asked. Your eyes averted from her, hand begining to shake, 'shit shit come on think.' You thought but your thoughts of cluttered excuses came to a stop by the small voice of your daughter.
'We were banished because my mommys clan didn't like me and now she is trying to find us a home.'' Reyna blurted out with a smile after one tooth missing in the front. You saw worry consume the girl, why?
''How about you guys come home with me, my mother is the clan leader if you explain your situation she will let you stay.'' Tsireya said. ''No-'' cut off by her. ''We will not harm you, we are a peaceful clan.'' She reassured you. You shake your head yes, but you can not fight your instinct to be ready for a fight.
You followed behind her, cautiously.
It only took you around forty minutes to get to a beautiful island, the Awa'atlu village you read about it in an old scroll. When you came into veiw of others you heard a scream making you clutch Reyna closer. Tsireya pulled Sersi to a opening nothing was in. Getting off and helping Reyna you spoke to Serci, ''i'awn fitsenge.'' You told her touching her forehead. Blinking her eyes slowly was her way of saying okay. She laid her head into the water leaving her nose afloat. A woman and a group a few steps behind her, they seemed to respect her surrounded you and Tsireya . ''Who are these people" The woman spoke eyeing you up and down. "A texpram.'' The woman spoke almost confused to Tsireya guessing that was her mother.
''Yes mother this is Reyna and um.'' Forget you didn't tell her your name. ''Y/N.'' You said tightly gripping the childs hand. ''They were banished because Y/N was raising her child and they have no where to go please mother let them stay.'' Tsireya asks her mother. Ronal looked at the child and then at you as if she was debating whether or not.
It was quiet, to quiet. ''Fine they will stay but,'' she began and Tsireya squealed in happiness. ''You will teach her I do not have time to teach someone with the knowlegde of a baby.'' She said rather reluctantly and then she turned her back leaving. Fixing to say something but the feeling of Reyna pulling your hand held you back, sometimes she knows her mother a little bit to much.
And now you and your daughter were learning the way of water taught by Tsireya, her brother Ao'nung and some of their freinds, Kiri, Lo'ak, Neteyam, and Tuk were thier names. They all loved you and Reyna. The adored Serci always asking to ride her and you always saying no. You were also happy that Reyna was free to live her life and not just a night when your clan was asleep. Telling them about all kinds of things you've done, about all the markings and scars on your body. And as they taught you the way of water you taught them the way of fire. How to use it to create, not destroy, to light, not to burn.
And every so often Tsireya would catch her mom looking at you with a glint in her eye, the only other time that happened was with her father.
''Goodnight Y/N!'' The children yelled at you even though they were five feet from your mauri. ''Goodnight.'' You said softly closing your door. The sully children skipped to their parents and Ao'nung decided to spend the night with one of his freinds. Tsireya turned around and saw her mother looking at you, once again. Most of the time she would just let her mom be content with staring at you, but tonight will be different she'll talk with her mother.
Closing the makeshift door you made for her and a few others Tsireya turned around to Ronal. "Mother I have a question." Tsireya began, "Yes." Ronal answers hesitantly. "Do you like Y/N? Like like her?" Tsireya asks with a small smile. She could see the question caught her mom off guard.
"I- I don't like her she is an inconvenience for the clan and she acts like a child when she is in the ocean I couldn't like her she- she is-is." Ronal was trying to pick you apart in her head to find something she could hate but she couldn't. "Mother you do not have to lie to me, I know you miss father I do to." Tsireya says tears brimming her eyes at the distant memory of her father. "But I see how you look at Y/N like she is the only one in the world that matters, and not to mention she is good with kids." Tsireya said small smile now a huge grin. "That is quite enough, I do not wish to talk about this anymore." Ronal said leaving to her corner of the pod leaving a defeated Tsireya to simmer in her thoughts.
Ronal laid down tossing and turning thoughts filled with you and it angered her. Tsireya was right, But,
She couldn't love you, could she?
#avatar x reader fluff#avatar x reader#avatar x y/n#avatar x you#avatar 2022#avatar 2#avatar 2009#avatar way of water#avatar#ronal x you#ronal x reader#ronal avatar#ronal awotw#ronal is my wife
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Okay. This post is gonna be about Bart Allen, and all the Thawne-Allen stuff.
Tagged bc we both love Bart’s Thawne Allen problem: @themaybewoman
This is what I’ve gathered so far about his existence is hopefully comic accurate, but maybe not continuity accurate:
It starts with Iris West. Apparently, it’s recently revealed to me (today) that this girl is actually from the 31st century. Because of the semi-dystopian era of her birth, her real parents sent her back in time to the 21st century to keep her safe. She was adopted by the Wests, but she doesn’t know her future origins until later on.
She meets Barry as a news reporter, and they marry. When they were thinking about having kids, Reverse Flash/Eobard Thawne comes along and murders her because his likes to make Barry’s life as miserable as possible. But because she’s from the future, her parents found some magic comic book science to “revive” her, thus placing her in the 31st century to live her life.
Barry finds out she’s alive in the future, and basically goes into retirement to live with her in the 31st century. He passes the mantle of The Flash to Wally West. Why he doesn’t just get her and bring her back to the 21st century, I’ll never know. Or he just wanted her to be with her real parents (which i would assume she barely knows lol).
I was trying so hard to find out why Barry decided to raise their children in the 31st century, but we have our answer there. Iris is future girl. Their children, Don and Dawn Allen, later operates as the Tornado Twins much like Barry did as the Flash. In Central City, I’m assuming. There was some clashing with the Legion of Superheroes, basically the 31st century’s version of the Justice League, but whatever. Not really important to Bart’s existence.
Dawn Allen marries Jeven Ognats. They have a daughter named Jenni Ognats, who later joins the Legion of Superheroes as XS. Jenni is Bart’s cousin.
Don Allen marries Meloni Thawne, and that’s where this gets more complicated.
Meloni Thawne is the daughter of Earthgov President Thaddeus Thawne, who irrc is a direct descendant of Eobard Thawne. When President Thawne learned of this marriage, the dude’s pissed because the Thawne-Allen feud is still on in his mind. He disowns his daughter, indirectly has the Tornado Twins killed via Dominators, and then kidnaps Bart.
Idk where Barry is in all this, maybe he went into the Speedforce and just chilled there through all this?
Now Bart had this hyper-accelerated aging thing going on as a side effect of being born a speedster (I think). Like nearly a teen by two yrs I think. Thawne grandfather stuck him in this VR so he can grow up “normally”, intending to make him a living weapon against the Flashfam. I’m pretty sure Meloni was locked up or something during that period of time too? Otherwise she would’ve done something about this.
Iris kidnaps Bart, and takes him to the 21st century via the Flash Museum’s Cosmic Treadmill (how they used that idk), hoping that Bart would have Wally West as a mentor. Instead, Wally ditches him to Max Mercury to be trained, and it plays on his low self esteem. Wally was pretty mean to him at some times, like when he gets recruited for the Teen Titans as Kid Flash.
But, hey, Wally did run him around the world fast enough to fix his accelerated aging problem.
Anyways, he gets some visits from his other cousin, Jenni, and his mom in the Impulse 1995 series, which was so fun to read. It was so cool to read them talking to each other in Interlac he Max being all confused.
This all makes me wonder: was Meloni ever Don’s lightning rod? As to Iris is Barry’s lightning rod?
#POV: you marry the daughter of the man who rlly hates you#POV: you suddenly find you’re actually from the future and then die and then get revived there#dc#dc comics#the flash#barry allen#bart allen#impulse#dc universe#kid flash#young justice#Wally west#someone correct me if I’m wrong about any of this#I was just trying to figure out why tf the tornado twins were being raised in the 31st century#POV: you’re the grandson of two rival families and they fight over you#speedforce#speedsters
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okay 👍
Could you do a Tsireya x fem adopted hybrid reader. When the Sully's meet the Metkayina clan,Tsireya was instantly captived by Reader when she turned into a mermaid
Tsireya starts teaching Lo'ak to ride the ilu and then tries to teach Reader how but Reader can make a bond through head contact (you have touch foreheads with whatever you wanna bond with) and already started to ride it without any problems
Tsireya takes reader to the spirit tree and they become closer. When Miles takes Reader away Tsireya realizes she loves her.
Reader escapes and calls over her ilu she named Aquamarine to help everyone. Time skip everything is back to normal Tsireya brings Reader to a sacred place and confesses to Reader.
Captivated: Tsireya
You were scared when your family told you that you would be leaving the forest and going somewhere else to find safety from Quaritch and the RDA. Not many people had been accepting you because of who you were but thanks to your dad being the Olo'eyktan not many people gave you lip about it anymore so to hear you would have to start over made you nervous.
"What's wrong ma y/n? You've been so quiet since we broke the news?" Your mom said snapping you out of your thoughts.
"Just scared." You said quietly catching your dad's attention who had been packing.
You were adopted, Jake and Neytiri weren't your real parent's, they had found you one day swimming in one of the lakes where they also saw your tail and they learned that you were Na'vi/mermaid hybrid that could grow a tail in water but have legs on land. They also learned that you were on your own after your parent's had died so they took you in and raised as their own and it was adjustment to everyone many harassed you and bullied you but not your siblings they always protected you.
"It's going to be okay ma y/n, we would never anything happen to you, wherever we end up. You are not gonna cost us sanctuary because if they don't accept you then it isn't the right place for us to be." Your dad said wrapping an arm around you and pulling you against his chest.
"He's right ma y.n, you are our daughter and we would never let anything happen to you." Your mom said wrapping her arms around you.
The next few days were a blur to between leaving the forest and all you've known and all the traveling you guys did. You were dosing off when you felt your dad nudge your ikran with his making you wake up and look at him,
"Almost there babygirl, just a few more hours." He said giving you a small smile.
You guys finally reached the ocean which was so beautiful, and you could see the ocean for miles. You guys landed and you looked around while your dad and mom spoke and you felt your brothers come up beside you as you guys walked in. Soon the chief appeared along with his wife and you watched as you parents argued and fought for santucary here.
"The hybrid, we've heard stories about you but didn't you existed." The chief said as hid behind your father.
"It's okay sweetheart." Your dad said squeezing in your hand.
You were looking around trying to focus on the positives of this place which looked like they had lot including the fact that there was plenty of the beautiful water for miles meaning you could swim for hours when your eyes locked with her. She had to be your age with the most beautiful hair and her skin....she was so pretty and she gave you a soft smile which you returned.
"My children Tsireya and Ao'nung will teach your children are ways." He said as the girl now known as Tsireya made her way over to you.
"Come I will show you our village and where you will be staying." She said with
After getting settled in, you four made your way to the ocean where Tsireya and the others were waiting for you and your siblings. You watched as all your siblings jumped in while you kinda hung back afraid of jumping in and letting them see your true form.
"Come on sis, it's alright. I promise nothing is gonna happen to you." Neteyam said making his way over to you.
"He's right. Please come join us, I promise nobody here will judge you for your gift." Tsireya said giving you a soft smile.
You hesitantly dove into the water and everyone watched as you swam up to the surface with a beautiful tail where your legs were. Tsireya had already thought you were beautiful before now but now she was even amazed and couldn't wait to get to know you more. You and Kiri were the only two out of your siblings that could keep up with her and Roxto.
It was a few days later and today you and your siblings were doing ilu training similar to how you guys did your Ikran taming. You watched with a slient laugh as your Lo'ak fell off of his ilu for the the fifth time and you decided that he needed a break.
"Alright bro, why don't you take a break and let me try this?" You asked him as he nodded his head.
You two switched spots and Tsireya began explaining everything to you but watched in curiosity as you simply touched the ilu's head with your own before climbing on to it. She wanted to say something but then her and everyone watched as you rode the ilu without any problem before returning to them.
"How did you do that?" She asked you.
"One of my abilities is that I can bond with any animal, by simply touching foreheads with it." You said with a shy smile.
"That's amazing." She said with a smile.
A few days later you two had been swimming when she told you that she wanted to show you something so you both call over your ilu's and climbed on to them. You two talked as she lead you to wherever it was that she wanted to show you.
"This is the Spirit Tree. The prefect time to see it is at eclipse." She said looking at you with a smile.
"I can see why, it's so beautiful." You said looking at her with a smile.
You two swam down to the tree and plugged into it and unbestknown to the other person, you both were praying to Ewya that the other saw you in the way you wanted.
You all had been all helping Lo'ak and Paylakun when you saw the demon ship, you went with Neteyam since you could move faster in the water than everyone else could to get rid of the tracker.
"Drop it here." You said to him once you guys were far away from everyone and as you saw smaller demon ships approaching you two.
"We gotta get outta here." He said pulling you onto his ilu and swimming away.
You heart nearly dropped when you saw Tsireya tied up on the boat next to your siblings, while your dad prepared to sacrifice himself, you and Neteyam made your own plan to go rescue your siblings and Tsireya.
"Neteyam! Y/N!" Tuk screamed seeing you two.
Tsireya smiled seeing you and you felt a wave of relief when she hugged if only this was the part where you two left with your sibling but it wasn't. Lo'ak wanted to rescue Spider which nearly cost you and Neteyam your lives but luckily due to your abilities you healed quicker than him. But by the end of the night Quaritch and his men were killed and your family was all back together and alive.
Your brother was slowly back on the mend from his wounds, and your family was still together. It was sunset so you sat down on the dock watching it set when you saw Tsireya swim over to you on her ilu which made you smile.
"Would you like to come to the Spirit Tree with me?" She asked you with a small smile.
You walked into your home and let your parent's know where you were going and with who and they said that it was fine. You walked back out and for ilu Aquamarine and climbed on to her. You two swam to the Spirit Tree and then climbed off of your ilu's before taking a seat on the island underneath it.
"Y/n there is something I must tell you." She said reaching for your hand.
"What is it Tsireya?" You asked her noticing her neverousness.
"Y/n...getting to know you these past few months has been so amazing and I found myself falling for you more than I realized. And then when that man took you it really hit me that we could die without you knowing how I felt...so y/n, I like you a lot and would love to start courting you officially." She said looking at you.
"I would love nothing more. Would it be alright if I kissed you?" You asked her and she nodded her head with a smile.
"I made this for you after our second time of hanging out." She said reaching in her bag and pulling out a necklace made of all your favorite seashells.
"It's so beautiful, will you put it on me?" You asked her.
"I would love to." She said as you turned around and moved your hair for her.
"There it looks so much prettier on you than I thought it would." She said placing a kiss on your shoulder.
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please do inform us on what the family tree is :D and also how you came to be one family. i am very curious
Sit down or lay down and relax cause i am gonna tell you the whole entire story, of when i joined goon central up until now.
It was a fun afternoon (February 12 to be exact 🤓) i had family over and we were eating dinner and I got a message from @keervah asking if i wanted to be apart of the discord. when i saw that message my heart started racing 😰but I couldn't open Tumblr in front of my family 😓so I decided to open keers message later on, When i got home i knew i had to answer keer and so i did, I was so surprised they wanted me to join because tbh I've been eyeing them for a while, and I had already talked with keer beforehand on one of my older posts. But i was shocked and from then on Keer sent me the link and I joined.
Guys, i was so shy and nervous at first. My hands were shaking because i hadn't made online friends in over 2 years. But when i joined everyone greeted me warmly, I felt awkward at times since i was new, but as time passed and as I joined their banters i grew more comfortable and finally showed my true and crazy self. @jade-jini was the other person who wanted me to join alongside with keer and without the two of them requesting for me to join I would have never met anyone in Goon Central🥹.
As time past and our banter in the group chat grew i took note of everyone how they act, how they typed, and what their humor is like. (which thank godddd is similar to mine). I would always asked them questions about my nails and what I should do next and sent a hand reveal in the GC (lol) which from what I remembered, I had a couple of people going crazy over my hand 😅. That is where @kittyl1z came to be and simped over my hands (sorry for outing you Sienna) Sienna became a simp and had Jade gatekeep me from her. (Jade is a MAJOR gatekeeper yalls) She gatekept Sienna and i from eachother as Sienna kept trying to flirt her way to me.
Then out pops @lilacura, Lila and I bonded over nails and she helped me decide what to do ( white French tips 😎). Lila and I bonded so hard (??? why does this sound weird) that we took it to DMS and started talking nonsense. Then literally the next day we all decided to do a face reveal on the server. things went kindaaaaa crazy in there during that time. Soon enough i had two girls (Lila and Sienna) (Jade was still gatekeeping) fighting over me😰 and omg let me tell you I was so confused as to what was happening but of course, i went along with it ( for the plot) there were many banters between Lila and sienna.
Which eventually created a love triangle, mainlyyy since I was chatting up both of them 😗 at the same time (I know very messy of me). There were many banters, name calling, disapointment, and heart break through out this whole love triangle, but then Lila and i got married one random afternoon. How that lead up was that i teased that we should get married and she was like we're already married but i had no ring on my finger 🤨 so i was like wheres the ring????🤨then she proposed, then boom married. While sienna was being so sweet talking with me and all i did was break her heart 😔 (So sorry sienna).
Then news broke out through out goon central, then jade became Lila and I's daughter and since jade and Keer were twins 👯we had two daughters!! while trying to adopt keer and jade it TURNS OUTTTTT THEY WERE ALREADY TAKEN BY SOL @myouicieloz AND V @vlance (LIKE WTF) BUT IT ALSO TURNS OUT I BIRTH JADE(???) AND LILA BIRTH KEER (???) AND SOL IS MY SISTER! SINCE SOL IS MARRIED TO VLANCE THEY BOTH ADOPTED KEER AND JADE WAYYYYYY BFORE LILA AND I JOINED THE SERVER, THEN ONCE WE JOINED THE SERVER JADE WAS LIKE "MINE 👹" TO LILA AND I.
But we agreed to be her and keers birth parents 🤗 so, to sum up Lila and I are coparenting with Sol and Vlance 😇 Then jade is dating Kaye @wintersera and they have like 5 kids AND JADE WANTS MOREEEEEEE LIKE GIRL STOP BEFORE I NEUTER YOU!!!!🤨🤨 but everyday is an adventure and filled with love (lol) we banter and Im still as close as ever with sienna ( She still filrts with me till this day even tho she told me not to tell lila) 😊 ( im laughing writing this part 💀) Everything is great fun and fresh 😝 i have the LOML and kids and we also welcomed a new member, Lila and I's baby boy Bartholomew aka bart that mews aka bart, welcome him to the fam!
Isn’t he precious 😊🥰🥰🥰
Jade and keer hates him 😪
but yes that practically what happened and the general family tree ( i still have no idea what this family tree is ) I gave you guys information yet no information at all since i kinda dont remember sorry its a mess like my brain atm but just know there was a lot of random banters throughout the server lol but it got us here today I hope you guys enjoyed this random story and not a ff LMFAOOOOO.
#bitchiswild#biw.shares#goon central#BIW STORY TIME#MY FAMILY#THIS WAS A MESS SORRY#does this make sense#no it does not but oh well#biw.writes
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Moriarty the patriot x Sick!Child!reader. Chapter 1 (Platonic)
The MI6 could only gather little information about them since they were new to the circle of rich aristocrats.
The Quinn family owned luxurious hotels whose popularity and income just went above the roof, which is surprising since they’ve only been in the industry for a few years. Due to this, they were suspected of smuggling drugs across countries. Only problem was that the military had no evidence. Albert was instructed to check the family out, but since he had to do some preparations on ‘The final problem’ William decided to go instead.
As the carriage stopped, William turned towards the window and saw a large mansion. It had british architecture and was lavishly decorated in the family’s signature colour purple.
He was greeted by the master and mistress of the family as he exited the carriage. “Welcome Mr Moriarty it’s finally good to meet you.” Richard Quinn says this as he shakes William’s hand a little too vigorously. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too Mr Quinn.” He replies. “Please come in. We have prepared some special Darjeeling tea just for you.” Elisabeth Quinn motions him towards the garden of the estate. After that all three engage in small talk to which William could only pretend to like. Eventually, a topic peaked his interest. “Yes,yes our daughter too has the same habit.”
“Daughter? You both have a daughter?” William sips tea from his cup. “Yes,we just adopted her a few days ago.” She slices her cake with more force than needed creating an unpleasant cling sound. “She is still adapting to her surroundings so we didn’t bring her here.” she continues. William too was once an adopted kid and yes, it does take time to adapt but he started to get a bit suspicious of them.
"Is it possible for me to meet her personally?"
The couple both look at each other after William says this. “Sure. Let me lead you to her.” Richard gets up from his chair and so does William. While walking, Mr Quinn says “Our daughter has a medical condition due to which she cannot talk much, so please don’t force her to talk.” he nodded and kept this point in mind. A mute child is perfect if the parents want to keep a secret from society.
After a few minutes of walking they both enter a grand library.The shelves were made from a wood of dark colour possibly walnut or teak. All the books there were binded by some sort of luxurious leather. After going in a little deeper William sees a small girl sitting on the table copying something from a book. Richard whispers “I’ll introduce you to her and then leave you alone.”
William nods again and both of them come up to you. “Y/n?” Mr Quinn taps on the table. You immediately stop writing and look at both of them. “This is our guest Mr William James Moriarty.” He points at William. “I’m going to leave both of you alone now.”
After Mr Quinn leaves William sits next to you. “Like your father said, My name is William. What’s yours?” He felt a bit guilty making you talk in your condition but for the sake of the mission some things need to be done.
You take a bunch of flash cards connected to a flash card ring. You flip to a page with you name on it and show it to him. Clever. “Y/n. What a lovely name. How are you adjusting to your new life?” He turns slightly towards you. You immediately flip to an empty card and write ‘It’s going alright.’
He notices this was not a direct reply to his question. Either you don’t have much to say or you were threatened by your parents. Though he does try to eliminate the second option since you are wearing a luxurious dress. Nevertheless he still doubts.
“I see.” He leans onto the table.
“Are you happy with your new life?” He enquires. You write ‘Yes I’m quite content with my life.’ He smiles and then looks at what you were reading. “On the Origin of species…” he reads the title out loud. He also looks at the notes you were writing and sees the key points of the book written neatly.
“You should explore other parts of science as well. Why don’t we try to find other books on physics and chemistry here?” He gets up and extends his arm. In reply, you hold his hand.
“Can you take me to the science section?” You nod to his question and take him there
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“Yes, yes, maybe…no.” William picks a few books and takes them in and out of the shelf. All the books he thought were suitable to read were given to you to hold. “That’s about it.” he turns towards you. “Let’s go back and sit down.” He takes the books from you and carries them.
“Thank you.” This is the first time you spoke to him. He didn’t know what you were thanking for, maybe for holding the books, maybe for helping you select books or maybe for something else. But more importantly he was taken aback by your voice. Your voice did crack a bit due to your lack of talking, but in his ears they were melodious; like crunchy sweet.
Suddenly the clock chimes, an indication that it is now evening. “Oh my, time went by fast. It seems it’s time for me to go now.” he replies. He kept the books on a small wooden chair but when he was about to leave you grab onto his sleeve. He could see you mouthing ‘Don’t leave’.
“Why?” he questions. You slowly take back your hand from his sleeve and mouth him ‘Sorry’. William kneels down to your level, expecting you to say a reason for your action.
‘The first person to not make fun of me is you.’ he frowns as he looks at your card. “What about your parents?” he inquired. ‘Well they aren’t mean to me but that doesn’t mean that they are kind.’ you’re hesitant to show this card and he can tell.
He tries to calm you down by patting your head and to some extent, it works. “Don’t worry,” he reassured. “I’ll take care of this.” “But how?” You questioned back. “That…” He gets up and looks at you. “Is my problem. You just relax” He tilts his head as a sign of respect and leaves the room, leaving you a bit confused and dumbfounded.
#moriarty the patriot#yuukoku no moriarty#william james moriarty x yn#william james moriarty x reader
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a faithful encounter (genshin au [spy x family])
the story follows a spy who has to "build a family" to execute a mission, not realizing that the girl he adopts as his daughter is a telepath, and the woman he agrees to be in a marriage with is a skilled assassin.
note: the loid forger in this au will be aether, albedo and xiao! anya forger as klee, qiqi and paimon and yor forger is you!
the reader will be pronounced as she/her for the plot.
edited - important notice 📢
operation strix: “we all have a side of ourselves that we don’t show anyone. Whether it’s with friends, lovers, or even family, we hide our true feelings and true nature with fake smiles and deception. and that’s how the world maintains its temporary peace.”
aether [codename: viator]
• our aether here is undoubtfully very skilled!
• not just by camouflaging, he is talented with weaponry and physical combat.
• this man can be aloof as he wants but he’s goofy af.
• being a spy takes risky decisions. he doesn’t like playing with people’s heart just to get the information he needs but he’s a type of man to say “it is what it is.”
• finished with his other mission earlier, his superiors assigned him with another one. his next assignment is he have to get close with a member from a party and to look out for their ulterior motives.
• “to do this, you must first get married and have a child--”
• his inner dialogue of him reading the news paper cut off, spitting the coffee he drank on the paper in surprise.
• “excuse me-”
• before he could react further, he continue to read the news paper. he must enroll his child in his target’s school and infiltrate the social gatherings that they organize. he have a week to look for a wife and a child.
• “how to bore a child in seven days!??” idiot really mistook it.
• man have the crowds looking at him weirdly. his face went fuse.
• settling up for his mission, buying an ordinary house and looking for the candidates to act as his family.
• under his real name “aether” with occupation psychiatrist is his new identity.
• as he begin searching for a child, he choose paimon!
• to his surprise, paimon’s maturity surpasses her age.
• ‘child-bearing mission complete. should i look for a mother? having a family is the last thing a spy wanted..’
• AND yes how could we forget? paimon can read minds.
• ‘he’s a spy?! well.. this is concerning..’
• and yes. paimon is already aware from the start that she’s just using her for his mission to her dismay. she wanted to get out from here. but for now, she have to take her time slowly convincing aether to not send her off again.
• when aether was about to get some essentials, paimon dashed to him and clings on his leg.
• “oh! oh! adventure! can paimon go with you??”, “no paimon! it’s not an adventure! i’m going shopping.”
• ended up tagging her along anyway. their relationship really improved in small amount of time. they sometimes bicker.
• aether have to buy some manuals for parenting. they acted much like siblings than father and daughter..
• and just like anya, paimon doesn’t like studying.
• “paimon hates studying! why do I have to study??”
• “paimon. i need to know your academic abilities for the exam! you need to go to school.”
• “what?? you taking paimon to school? why do paimon need that!?”
• “because children like you need to go to school so that you can assist us once we’re old.”
• “but-..”
• “no but’s!” aether being a strict parent, paimon finally studied.
• but she’s not that smart as he thinks. luckily, aether help her with it and manage to nail the exam!!
• as the eden college required both parents to be present at the interview, he began to look for a wife!
• and that’s you! you’re fit for his requirement!
• he met you just like loid met yor ofc at boutique. he got startled at your sudden appearance.
• “um… mister. you’ve been staring at me. did you need something?” manz gone red and apologizing you non-stop. he can imagine his sister teasing him.
• both of you are about to ask about partner issues but once paimon showed up, she immediately understand the situation.
• “father.. are you going to ask her out?”, “paimon! why so blunt??”, “come on this is your chance! you wont die single anymore!”
• thanks to paimon, you both become a couple! in disguise of course.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
• alas, there’s another mission he have to take. stopping a group of smugglers on saturday, the same day of your friend's party that both of you need to attend.
• on that very day, aether is busy for his mission and trying to finish them quickly so that he can make it to the party. you on the other hand, dead ass waiting for almost 1 hour. the streets are cold also so you have to go inside first before you catch cold.
• while at the party, your friends are talking to your back that you might lying about you having a boyfriend. trying your utmost best to calm dawn from thinking of murdering all of people here, aether finally showed up with his bleeding forehead.
• “i’m sorry that i’m late for the party! i’m aether, y/n’s husband.”
• then he later realized his mistake. his cheeks went red in embarrassment. damn aether, you have a lot to learn.
• as he takes you home to avoid any drama and questions, the smugglers tracked him down.
• being an idiot he is, he told you that kicking his patients (which is the smugglers) is a new medical treatment. yes, you believe him ofc. you don’t know much about doctor stuffs so you just shrug it off.
• “i’m sorry! i’m an amateur, yet i just treated a patient!”
• yep. you both equally dumb to each other.
• and aether is in awe. aether stans for woman and respectable af. everything you do makes him kneel before you. “that’s amazing! you sent him flying!”
• then when you requested to make their marriage as official, he uses a grenade pin as a wedding ring while the smugglers behind the generator they’re hiding blown up.
• the only thing you could thought is ‘damn, we look so cool.’
albedo kreideprinz [codename: calx]
• our mysterious boy albedo is a variant of loid forger!
• but the difference is he’s a prodigy and not really expressive.
• so when he was assigned to have a family, he just continue on reading like nothing happened.
• he use his real name with occupation: doctor.
• finding a kid who can write and read is the real issue for albedo. the orphanage he went is full of uneducated children. well aside for that certain kid named klee.
• klee acts like her age. she have the standards that albedo needs but her character is too bright for his introverted self. and clearly she needs a lot to learn.
•he needs someone who's tolerable too, but as if he have a choice anyway. he adopts klee.
• klee sometimes call albedo “big brother” or “mister albedo” in accident. looks like he needs to work with his father figure.
• but she manage to call him father at the end after the incident where she was hold as a hostage.
• oh! and their relationship getting along so well!
• albedo have soft spots for children! a husband material fr.
• luckily for albedo, klee doesn’t mind studying for her entrance exam. the downside is the entrance exam is coming near and klee doesn’t have enough time to familiarize what she studied. he have to get a copy of the questionnaire with the help of his informant, timaeus.
• klee nail the exam too! albedo grown tired from teaching klee but it was all worth it (big thanks to her telepathic abilities).
• now time to look for a wife.
• when he’s on the boutique with klee, he found a decent woman with in his age. he thought that she would be the one to become his wife but then when you walk in, his eyes fall on to your figure.
• albedo is a man interested with the unusual so when he looks at you, he finds you captivating and intriguing. the way he failed to sense your presence when you entered the shop and the way you behave. and your appearance too!
• albedo doesn’t really care about people’s appearance but yours contain a lot of possibilities. you’re quite built in his opinion.
• “uhh.. sir? do you need something?”
• “pardon me but what i’m looking for is found.”
• and just like that, he excused himself from the woman he talked earlier and made it to your side.. so as klee.
• “father! klee is done measuring with her uniform!”
• your attention finally lay on the lovely father and daughter.. and damn you never seen someone so handsome before.
• ‘he’s illegally handsome… sad to say that he have a spouse. i was about to ask him if he could pretend as my boyfriend for the party..’
• and klee easily reads the situation.
• “oh! does father looking for a mother for klee? klee was so sad about it! klee misses the presence of a mother..”
• albedo was caught off guard that klee understood the circumstance. he seem not flustered about it but a shade of pink is present on his ears.
• “klee…”, “huh? you’re looking for a wife?”, “oh- uhm.. yes.”
• mission success!! albedo have a wife for his mission! give a thanks to our matchmaker klee!
• both of you made a proposal first, attending on the party that you’re in him as your boyfriend and later you’ll be the wife.
• the party will start at saturday night but so as his incoming mission.
• he’s trying to finish it early so he can make it to the party with timaeus' assistance.
• “i apologize for being so late! i’m albedo kreideprinz, y/n’s fiancé.”
• geez… he almost mistook you as his wife. fiancé is much convincing.
• when your friend tried to embarrass you in front of the guests especially to your fiancé, albedo is pissed of their behavior towards you. are they really your friend?
•and the way you catch the tray make him speechless. he’s right about his observations about you being different.
• as he takes you home, the smugglers followed both of your tracks. they try to trip albedo’s car.
• and you who almost got off from your seat. “wtf- who are they?”, “probably one of my patients who wants a piece of me.”
• you’re confused af. what did he do that turned his patients to this?
• idk if he did that purposely...
• mischievous af. (favorite word for today: af)
• then gurl when you show some moves, he’s much convinced that you’re no ordinary. he’s very interested with you now!
• oh! when you requested to make their marriage official, your reasoning is valid and he doesn't mind so he take it. plus it makes it easier for his mission.
• as albedo want to admit, he look forward to get to know you.
alatus [codename: xiao]
• very aloof. he’s fit for the role as a spy. you can say that he’s another variant of loid.
• plus he’s very skilled with combat and flexible as a cat. you can find him jumping on walls or jumping on the air.
• is also known with his vigilance. his superiors rely on his ungodly abilities.
• despite having a cold exterior, he’s easy to fluster.
• just like when he was tasked to have a family. his face is redder as a tomato.
• “you must first get married and have a child--”
• he chokes on his coffee. “i’m sorry?—“
• “since the deadline for enrollment is approaching, you’ll be given one week.”
• manz so red maybe in both anger and embarrassment and rip off his newspaper. “he wants me to have a child within this week??”
• the passengers look at him, concerned. xiao really questioning his life decisions and wanted to bury himself.
• he use his real name with occupation: physical therapist as his identity!
• he also have problems with finding a kid for his mission. luckily that he found qiqi.
• like paimon, qiqi is aware that he’s using her for his mission. she'll do her best too to change xiao’s mind.
• qiqi is so well behaved. too behaved and reserved. xiao finds it concerning the more he observe her.
• he doesn’t have any problems with her too. she obeyed him.
• still, he have to work with her memorization. she have a bad memory.
• but with her telepathy powers, she passed the entrance exam.
• ahh the moment we’re waiting for. searching for a wife time!
• xiao also doesn’t like the idea of entering someone’s life just to get an information or two.
• but for the sake of peace and unity between countries, he have to do it.
• he got startled with your sudden appearance and blushed. aiyaya, he never seen someone catches his attention. he’s seriously observing you from head to toe, checking if there’s any red flags but nothing. still, there’s something about you that he can’t fully decipher.
• then xiao’s eyes landed on yours. he looks fascinated by it and the way it shines. man.. he didn’t realized that he fell for you at first sight.
• and your reaction mirrored his. you have a fine man staring at you!
• you’re even scared to say anything. his beauty and being under to his cat-like gaze makes you feel shy. “sir… do you need something?”
• xiao realized his position he’s in. his cheeks went red again and trying to mutter up some words.
• “i-..uhh .. just..”, ‘thinking if I could make you my wife…’, “i apologize for my behavior..”
• qiqi who is finished with measuring for her uniform, just watch how their interaction goes. later, she approach xiao and straightly asked him to ask you as his wife.
• “qiqi want’s this mother… qiqi wants father xiao ask her to be qiqi’s mother.”
• damn help this poor man. he’s malfunctioned.
• you’re flustered to have someone wants you to be their mother.. to be THIS handsome man's wife.
• feeling like eternity, you finally spoked. “you,, don’t have a wife..?”
• “uh.. no. my wife died years ago,,”
• and then there we go! both of you become a couple in disguise! little did you know that part of him wants to make it official. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
• you keep it on mind to give some treats for qiqi later as a thank you for being their little matchmaker.
• and! he have a mission on the same day and time of your friend’s party. you really need to have xiao to pretend as your boyfriend on the party to keep an image but he seems pretty late. you go inside first before you get a fever from waiting.
• minutes later, xiao made it to the party at last!
• like aether, he introduced you to the guests as his wife.
• both of you became red but mostly xiao, from telling the different information.
• our boy xiao is also pissed when your friend is trying to embarrass you! he was about to defend you but you girlboss it, catching the tray with your foot.
• is very impressed. can tell that you’re not trained with defense. but convinced himself anyway that you trained defense.
• he takes you home before your friends bad mouthing you in front of him. he really can't stand them.
• while sending you home, there's a car following you guys and it turns out that it was the smugglers who he took care off during his mission.
•he just told you that he doesn't know who they are when you asked.
•realizing that there's no use to get out from this predicament, both of you got out of the car to lure them in the alleyway.
•damn you're simping when he show some move.
•"that was hot.", "huh-"
•let's just say that he did the same when you saved him from the ambush.
•staring at you for a while and drags you again out from the smugglers sight.
•when you requested him to make their marriage as official for mutual benefits, he didn't hesitate to accept it.
•grabbing a grenade and using the pin as the ring (because the ring he got fall off from his pocket-) while the smugglers got blown up behind you both.
•very iconic af.
•and you're so inlove.
•for xiao, he needs time to understand his feelings.
yikes. didn't know that i make it this far. but hey! i got some quite of content! the spy x family got me thinking about genshin boys and us doing mr. and mrs. smith vibes. yes i have fun writing aether's partkdksisksizk
as usual, don't be afraid pointing out my mistakes so that i can fix it!
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin headcanons#genshin impact#headcannon#aether x reader#albedo x reader#xiao x reader#aether#albedo#xiao#spy x family#pamcake's writings 🥞
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Now it's her, but then was you (Part 1)
Created: 05.03.2023
Finished: 06.03.2023
Edited: 25.09.2023
Age: 15
Word count: 2,187
Warnings: None
Request: Yes (Wattpad user)
Summary: A ghoat from Natasha's past, enters in her life again.
—
"Attention, class!" Natasha shouted as she made all her students shut down "Today we'll have a new student that will join our training. Her name is Y/N and I want you to keep on showing no mercy regardless of how good or bad she is at fighting."
All eyes fell on you as you were proudly keeping your chin up.
Your teacher, Natasha Romanoff, has been assigned by Fury to train a selected group of kids. All under 18.
She's been tasked to create the next best generation of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.
A week ago, you showed up out of nowhere and, after a private conversation with Fury, you were allowed to join the training team.
"Y/N, please step closer to the center." Natasha said and you immediately complied without any protest "I want you to have a simulated fight with one of your classmates so I could see if you have any skills or not."
She then proceeded to pick up one of her best students and allowed the fight to begin.
Much to Natasha's surprise, it wasn't long till you had pinned the other student to the ground and left Natasha speechless.
"Okay, everyone choose a partner." Natasha cleared her throat after she recovered from the initial shock of seeing how quickly you took down your opponent "I want you to begin slowly warming up for hand-to-hand combat."
The other students rolled their eyes and groaned, but you made no sound as you stood tall and waited for someone to pick you up.
All of the older kids were avoiding you as no one dared to engage with you in training and you pretended that this wasn't hurting you as you kept every emotion hidden behind your mask of ignorance.
"Hi!" A small, shy voice greeted you and you had to look down to see who talked to you "I'm Anastasia." The young girl in front of you introduced herself "But everyone calls me Anna."
"Well hi, Anna." You knelt to be at the same level as the girl "Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N."
"I know, silly." The girl that you could swear was the child version of you giggled "Mama has said your name already."
"Huh?" You mumbled confused "Mama?"
Anna nodded her head and pointed to none other than Natasha.
The undeniable resemblance between mother and daughter was now more obvious than ever and you mentally face-palmed yourself for not noticing that sooner.
"Miss Romanoff is your mom?" You asked to make sure that what you're thinking is true
"Yep!" The girl nodded
"She can't have a daughter. I wasn't informed about that." You quietly mumbled under your breath but then turned back to look at Anna "How old are you?"
"I'm six." Anna proudly smiled
"Anastasia!" Natasha coldly shouted "In my class, we train, not sit around and talk. If you chose your partner then start fighting."
Anna quickly stood tall and adopted a fighting position.
Natasha kept her gaze on you intently as she was taking a better look at you while making sure you were not hurting her daughter.
'How could she treat her own daughter so coldly?' You thought 'No surprise she did what she did to me!'
Natasha couldn't help but notice how much you and Anna were looking alike.
How much you and Natasha were looking alike.
Same fierce red hair, the same big emerald green eyes, the same nose, and the same lips.
When you look at Anna, you see yourself in your past.
When you looked at Natasha, you saw yourself in your future.
"Everyone, stop." Natasha shouted "Today's class is over. I'll see you all tomorrow at the same hour. Y/N, stay behind, please. I need to talk with you."
Everyone cleared the room as you listened to Natasha's orders and stayed behind.
"Mama!" Anna shouted as soon as the room was empty and she ran to Natasha with open arms
"Come here, my sweet girl!" Natasha smiled widely as she picked Anna up and kissed the young girl's cheek "You've been amazing today!"
"Did you like it, Mama?" Anna excitedly asked
"I love it, my little agent." Natasha matched Anna's enthusiasm "And I love you!"
"I didn't think you're capable of loving someone, Agent Romanoff." You interrupted the moment between mother and daughter
"That's none of your business, young agent." Natasha's smile quickly faded away as she looked from Anna to you
"May I know the reason why I'm still standing here?" You harshly asked
"Yes." Natasha coldly replied "I wanted to know where you learned to fight like that. Your fighting style looks oddly familiar to me."
"I was raised on the streets and the streets teach you a lot of things." You answered, not wanting to give away any hint about your true origins
"That seems like a valid answer to me." Natasha scanned you from head to toe "I know very well because I lived on the streets as well."
"Am I clear to leave now that you have got your answer, Miss Romanoff?" You spit out the words
"All clear, young agent." Natasha nodded "See you tomorrow at the same hour."
You started to walk to the door but were stopped by someone calling your name.
"Y/N! Wait!" Anna jumped out of Natasha's arms and ran to you "Do you want to see my Lego collection?" She asked hopefully
"Anna, we don't want to bother Y/N with such things." Natasha told her daughter then looked at you "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into her. She never gets attached to people so quickly. Especially not invite them to see her toys."
"No, it's okay. I would love to see her Lego collection if I have your permission, Agent Romanoff." You clarified
"Then be my guest." Natasha nodded and Anna squeeled happily
"You'll love it, Y/N. You will see." Anna sang as she dragged you out of the room by your hand, leaving Natasha behind with a lot of questions she would need to find an answer to
—
"Mama?" Anna looked up from the Lego set she was building with you on one of your playdates on a Sunday afternoon
"What is it, my little love?" Natasha smiled as she kissed Anna's little forehead
"I decided that Y/N will be my sister from now on." Anna smiled proudly
"That's very sweet, baby." Natasha lightly patted Anna's back "But have you asked Y/N if that's what she wants too?"
"Y/N?" Anna turned towards you "Do you want to be my big sister?"
"I would love to." You smiled and tickled Anna's side
Anna laughed and then looked back up at Natasha who was holding her in her lap.
"I love you so much." Natasha whispered to Anna "You're the center of my universe." She kissed her daughter's forehead again
"Love is for children, Agent Romanoff." You looked disgusted at Natasha but quickly smiled when Anna looked at you curiously
"Do you not love me, Y/N?" Anna asked as she teared up in an instant
"Of course I love you!" You smiled and you snatched Anna out of Natasha's arms and started tickling her stomach "I am your big sister after all."
You and Anna continued laughing together but Natasha silently trapped herself in her mind as the sentence you just told her reminded her of a place she knew all too well.
—
Three months have come and gone since you started your training with Natasha's group of students, but given the fact that you were already so good at fighting, Natasha started to privately have one-on-one training sessions with you.
"How the hell do you always manage to do that?" You spat out at Natasha one day after she pinned you to the ground for the tenth time in the last hour
"Experience beats the training." Natasha chuckled, satisfied with her skills
Unexpectedly, Anna, Natasha's only daughter, and her little miracle, the only person that ever managed to melt Natasha's ice-cold heart, started growing so attached to you that besides starting to call you her big sister, she wanted to be non-stop in your presence.
Natasha couldn't understand what was so special about you that drew Anna so close to you.
But if she was being honest, Natasha was, as well, feeling some sort of connection with you, despite the miserable way you were treating the woman, always denying her help or rejecting any effort she made to get to know you better and be nice to you.
If her little angel trusted you so much, Natasha wanted to become a friend to you as well.
You were constantly protecting her, not allowing anyone to get too close to her when she was with you and you were ready to unalive whoever, that just as much as dared, to look at Anna in the wrong way.
You were regularly stopping by the Avengers compound as you were having daily playdates with Anna.
You got to meet the other Avengers as well during these few months and they all grew to love you, just like Anna did.
"You look just like Lady Natasha when I first met her." Thor once commented and you punched him in the face for daring to say something so foolish
After that, no one ever said anything about the resemblance between you, Natasha, and Anastasia.
—
"Show me her file." Natasha asked Fury at the beginning of the fourth month since you started your training
Natasha was desperately trying to find as much information about you as she could, as she felt there was something more about you getting so close to Anna and her that you have shown.
"I'm sorry, Agent Romanoff." Fury shrugged from his chair "But you don't have the clearance to have access to Y/N's file."
"Nick, my clearance is high enough to stroll into the Oval Office and search through the president's desk drawers." Natasha reminded him "I think you could show me the info file of one of my students."
"I've already told you, Natasha." Fury said "I think you should stop digging into that girl's past and just go on with your life. It doesn't matter where she's from as long as I trusted her to be here."
"This won't end like this!" Natasha angrily stormed out of Fury's office
Many hours later, after Natasha tucked her beloved daughter in bed and made sure that Anna was asleep, she sneaked inside Fury's office and stole the file that contained all the information she needed to know about you.
She was the world's number one spy.
Nothing was going to stop her from finding out what she needed to know.
"Let's see who you truly are, Y/N." Natasha mumbled as she opened your file
And as soon as she spotted the red flag, she couldn't believe her eyes.
"I let my daughter around a snake!" Natasha gasped shocked "You'll pay for lying to me, Y/N!"
—
You were waiting for Natasha to show up in her room as F.R.I.D.A.Y. told you to do, when you were suddenly slammed into the wall behind you.
"Why were you sent here?" Natasha growled through grinned teeth as she placed her forearm on your neck and kept you glued to the wall
"I don't know what you are talking about!" You breathed out as you struggled to get out of the woman's hold
"Don't play dumb with me." Natasha spit out with a chuckle "I know you come from the Red Room. Did Dreykov send you here? Why?! Did you come here for Anna or to kill me for escaping?"
"I was sent by no one." You forced out as you managed to push Natasha off of you "I escaped as well, 6 months ago, found out where you were living, and after that, I came here to take my revenge for what you did to me, but when I discovered that Anna is your daughter, I decided to keep a close eye on you for the moment. That's why I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place."
"And what stopped you from killing me if you wanted revenge?" Natasha angrily said "I don't even know you. I don't remember ever meeting you before until you came to my class."
"I couldn't set a bad example for my baby sister." You dusted your clothes and looked directly into Natasha's eyes "What would my little sister think of me if I would have killed our mother just like that."
Natasha shook her head "Anna it's not biologically your sister, so stay away from my daughter or I won't be responsible for what will happen next."
"Oh, dear mother." You chuckled mockingly "You have forgotten so quickly that you abandoned me 15 years ago when I was created from your DNA?"
"I had no daughter created from my DNA." Natasha stared wide-eyed at you confused
You took a step closer to Natasha and, leaning closer to her face, you breathed out without any trace of fear.
"Liar!"
#mama nat#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x daughter!reader#natasha x daughter!reader#natasha's child#natasha's kid#natasha romanoff x teen!reader#natasha x teen reader#natasha x baby!reader
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intro & fic masterlist
hi & welcome to my blog which consists mostly of me screaming about the last of us, more specifically joel & ellie. i also enjoy a fair amount of other fandom content (ted lasso, succession, harry potter, marvel, some musicians, etc), so expect occasional reblogs outside of tlou.
my name is miranda (she/her), and i am back on tumblr and ao3 after an approx. 10 year hiatus, so it has been really fun finding joy in this again after so long! my asks are always open, as are my dms! i love meeting and talking to people on here!
speaking of, i write tlou fic and post on ao3 when i have the time and inspiration! i absolutely love found family dynamics, angst/fluff, and giving these beautiful characters who i love so much some softness and happiness.
masterlist:
ONE-SHOTS:
you were wrong (my healing needed more than time) - ellie and joel adjust to life in jackson. joel is having a harder time than he thought he would...and he somehow forgot how hard it is to be a parent (3.9k words)
what would it feel like to put this baggage down? - the progression of joel & ellie's relationship through conversations they have while he does her hair (7.4k words)
routine - there is a break in ellie's routine, and the entire day spirals from there. set in modern au in which 7-year-old ellie was adopted by good parents joel & tess, the beautiful verse set up by this fic (4.6k words)
twenty year dark night (now i see daylight) - joel remembers a series of core parenting memories with sarah as he navigates being a parent to a very different child under very different circumstances (11k words)
a place in a brand new world - joel tells ellie the truth after a few months in jackson. she struggles with forgiveness, complicated further by having a hard time coming to terms with what her place is in joel's life. ft. good uncle tommy, feelings of inadequacy for ellie, and joel waiting patiently to pick up the pieces (5.4k words)
we don't get too long (that's why i'm holding on) - ellie's getting older, and so is joel. lots of things are different, but plenty is the same. ft. aged-up ellie and joel; everyone lives, no one dies jackson fluff (2.4k words)
i had the best day with you today - the pumpkin patch/fall vibes fic i dreamt up one day while listening to "the best day" (taylor's version) by taylor swift (5.1k words)
a home that leads me back to you - whumptober 2023 promt #3: "like crying out in an empty room, with no one there except the moon" | solitary confinement | "make it stop"
SERIES:
modern sisters au -
modern setting au in which joel is a single dad to his two teenage daughters, sarah and ellie.
daughters - in another universe, joel has both of his girls together, minus the apocalypse. aka, the modern au in which sarah & ellie are sisters (2.3k words)
on my side (even when i was wrong) - sarah and ellie attempt to pull off a scheme to keep joel from finding about ellie's school troubles. he finds out anyway (4.5k words)
the better version of our past -
joel and tess agree to smuggle a six-year-old named ellie to the fireflies in exchange for gear they need to get west in joel’s search for tommy. when they discover she is immune and what the fireflies plan to do with her, there is a change of plans.
takes place about 8 years before canon. tess lives, family is found, ellie gets a post-apocalyptic childhood.
the past coming back (pt. 1) - main story. an alternate universe/timeline where joel & tess meet ellie eight years earlier under similar circumstances (30.7k words)
the future looks good (pt. 2) - a little extra of ellie’s pov at bill & frank’s (set in chapters 3-4 of part 1 of series). ft. ellie's process of starting to trust joel & tess even though she's never really known trustworthy adults (2.2k words)
just tryin' to find my way to you (pt. 3) - ellie gets sick while settling in jackson. joel worries too much. ft. the healing powers of candy land (7.1k words)
today is another day to find you (pt. 4) - joel makes a guitar once they're settled into jackson. ellie is absolutely smitten, but tess is even more smitten with her family and the moments they enjoy together (2.7k words)
time cutting me open (then healing me fine) (pt. 5) - tommy convinces joel & tess to take a "vacation" so that he can activate good uncle tommy mode. it goes about as well as could be expected. ft. ellie's separation anxiety, tommy doing his best, and lots of fluffy comfort for all (6k words)
i found you under an april sky (pt. 6) - during her early months in jackson, ellie learns what it means to be loved, have a family, and a place to call home (6.4k words)
a flower bud in concrete (pt. 7) - the miller family grows within the safe walls of jackson. tess & joel decide to have a baby now that they are in an environment that is normal enough, and ellie has mixed feelings about being a big sister (14.3k words)
just stand still (pt. 8) - ellie is 14 now and experiencing some major growing pains. ft. aged-up tpcb ellie, heavy angst, and canonical violence/traumatic events, but also the incredible miller family there to help make it all better (25.3k words)
#blog intro#most used tags:#tlou#fic writing#joel & ellie#tlou fanart#the last of us#joel miller#ellie williams#pedro pascal#bella ramsey#tlou fic
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Wait, have you told the story about the cult? I have no recollection.
I find it's more entertaining for myself and easier to handle if I make no effort to track what stories I have or have not told, so I have no idea. But I certainly can, thanks for asking!
It's unclear how it began, but at some point, my maternal great-grandmother decided she was the One True Prophet, the only person on Earth who heard directly from God. This meant she was also perfect in every way, and incapable of physical decay. She also decided men were, on the whole, only good for producing children and providing money, and should be kept in a lesser position to women and replaced whenever they become inconvenient to deal with.
These are the only tenets of her religion that seem to have been settled and maintained throughout her life. Everything else was sorted out on the fly; my dad loves to tell the story of one time when she, frail and in her 80s, dug a ditch on her property and responded to the resulting back pain by deciding that God must have been revealing to her that someone ELSE in the family was having back pain (because her body couldn't be weak enough to experience pain of its own, of course), and started calling her descendants one by one until someone said they were experiencing back pain and she promised to heal it.
Conveniently, she had mostly daughters, who went on to have mostly daughters. She raised these daughters to believe in her absolute authority as the living voice of God, and all interpersonal disputes within the family were arbitrated by her, usually in a manner that resulted in people holding very old grudges over slights that were never properly resolved. Most of the women in that family married men who would submit to great-grandma's authority and the authority of their wife, except my mom.
My mom's cousin, her grandson, was the first boy I know of born into that line, and he was absolutely raised to be submissive to his mother to the degree that he never married because the only girl he ever loved was not accepted by the family. I was the next boy born into the family. We were living with great-grandma in Alabama when I was born, and within two months of that event my dad got so sick of fighting with great-grandma about whether or not his opinions mattered that he declared he was moving back to PA, and I was going with him, with or without my mom. Mom ended up joining us, and once we were out of her immediate control, great-grandma started sending me letters that my mom would read to me, because that was what she was supposed to do. I don't know how long this went on until the day she wasn't available and my dad ended up being the one to open the letter. I don't know the content of that letter, but I know Dad believed it was a clear attempt at brainwashing, and was egregious enough that he threw the letter away and called great-grandma to inform her that she had no authority in his house and any further attempts to turn his family against him would be met with severe repercussions. We were promptly excommunicated.
My cousin Dave was the next boy born into the family. He lived a mile away from me, and his mom was incredibly close with my mom. So while she was out finding new boyfriends at local clubs, he and his younger sister spent at least half their nights at our house. Which means my cousins were being influenced more by my dad than their own mom on many issues. So when my dad got a phone call from my great-aunt telling him she didn't approve of the way he was raising her grandson, he pointed out that it wasn't his job to raise her grandson, but he would gladly adopt my cousins and raise them outside my great-grandma's influence if they wanted him to take that responsibility. My cousins did not stay at our house much after that, but Dave never really fell in line.
The last time I saw my great-grandma was at my aunt's third wedding. I think she's up to six now. I didn't bother to learn any of their names after the second, for the same reason we don't name chickens we plan to eat. Dave and I were hanging out at the reception and ended up by the table where she was sitting, so we said hi. She asked about a rumor she had heard that we were both in college. We confirmed that was true, to which she replied, "You need to get out of school before you end up going to Hell!" We said, "Okay cool, see you later grandma!" and slipped quickly away. When she died, leaving a massive power vacuum in the family and no one to hold everyone together, the family rapidly devolved into bickering factions defined by sixty years of unresolved and previously secret grudges. Dave and I kept our distance and largely missed the fallout. My mom's cousin managed to slip away to another part of the country and start a new life. I'm told there are still, twenty years later, cousins who are not on speaking terms. Since no one had the authority to take over great-grandma's position in the end, the family cult seems to have died out, though I'm sure we'll be seeing the consequences of it for generations. Well. Someone will. My engagement with that side of the family is basically limited to my mom and, on rare occasions, Dave these days.
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•TV show: "Criminal minds".
•Content warnings: Mentions of teen pregnancy, cheating done by a boyfriend to his girlfriend, them basically breaking up, the boy not having told his parents his former girlfriend is pregnant because he is scared of his father's reaction and him breaking the promise to marry his now ex girlfriend and also refusing to be a part of their soon-to-be-born baby's life (even suggesting adoption, with the mom refusing) despite the baby's mother's attempts to convince him to be in it, her threatening to tell his parents about the baby and him warning her that things would be better for her if she didn't do it basically.
•Yes, I know that even as teenagers, Derek and Penelope wouldn't have done something like this, but that's what I needed them to do for the sake of the story.
•I also know that in "Criminal minds", Derek's father died when he was 10 years old, but here, for the sake of the story, he is still alive.
•I was the one who named all the girls at the institute except for Emily and JJ, by the way. None of them had their name said in "The goodbye room".
•DISCLAIMER: I'm absolutely not trying to say that mothers who choose to give their babies up for adoption are bad moms or don't love their kids. What I'm saying is just that Jennifer has wanted her baby from the moment she found out he or she was coming, so even without Derek's support, she wants to keep him or her. That's it.
•Tags: @lex13cm, @golden1u5t, @rynwritesreid, @reidmeister, @justalesbianwithsomegayshit, @thatonewritersstuff, @marril96, @c-m-stuff, @criminal-addict.
Between their two hearts
Chapter 13: Cheating and threats
On June 10, 1968, the young women who lived at Saint Bridget's got to do another outing in town, and while there, Emily, Jennifer and two other girls, Rachel and Joanne, decided to go into a record store.
They didn't intend to buy anything, also because they didn't have a lot of money with them, but they did intend to look around and listen to the music playing in the shop.
"Look what I found!" Jennifer exclaimed at a some point, running towards the other girls "We can record our voices with this!".
Then, she, Rachel, and Joanne started to sing, pretending to record themselves, and Emily couldn't help but smile at that funny and cute sight.
Suddenly, however, after singing just a few lines, Jennifer stopped and began to stare at a place in the shop, not far from where they were standing.
"What's wrong, Jennifer? Are you okay?" Emily instinctively asked her, immediately getting worried about her friend.
"Derek..." the younger girl whispered, immediately walking towards her boyfriend, whom she hadn't seen in almost a month.
"Jennifer, I didn't think I'd find you here" he replied, evidently as amazed as she was.
"Why don't you wait for me in the car, Penelope?" he then told the blonde girl standing next to him.
"She is very pretty" Jennifer commented, clearly saddened.
She had almost immediately understood that Derek and that girl weren't just friends.
"I hadn't heard from you in a long time" her now former boyfriend replied, as if that justified him starting a new relationship while he was still with her.
"Have you been able to tell your parents about the baby?" Jennifer asked, basically ignoring what he had just told her.
"No" Derek told her, shaking his head "I can't get married. Not now."
"But you said you wanted to do the right thing. You promised me!" Jennifer protested, but Derek didn't really listen to her.
"We are only 17!" he exclaimed "We are kids!".
"Yes, and soon, I will be a mother" the girl replied "You have to tell them immediately".
"I can't do it" Derek said once again "My father would kill me".
So, trying what in her opinion was the last resource she had to change the boy's mind, Jennifer took his hand and placed it on her round belly.
"Here" she then told him with a smile on her face "Can you believe it? Your son or daughter is kicking".
"Jennifer, stop it!" Derek exclaimed, taking his hand off his former girlfriend's stomach.
"What can I do?" she whispered.
"You could give him or her up for adoption" the boy suggested, since he was only looking for a way to get out of that difficult situation at that moment.
"Absolutely not! He or she is our Sunshine" Jennifer retorted, horrified at the mere possibility of leaving a child she already loved and wanted so much.
"But I don't want to be a father now!" Derek protested, not realizing that he no longer had an actual choice in that regard.
"You already are" Jennifer responded in a firm voice "And if you don't tell your parents, I will".
And after saying those words, she called her friends over and left the shop with them, without looking back.
Derek tried to tell her to come back more than once, and also to warn her not to try to say a word about the baby to his parents, but she couldn't hear him anymore.
She was firm on the decision she had made, and in her former boyfriend's mind, now there was only one way to solve that problem.
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15 Questions from Mutuals
@oasislandingresident, @hazely-sims, @danjaley, @anamoon63, and @olomayasims tagged me in this meme. This is the first time I’ve been able to actually do it! Thanks. I feel loved. It feels good to be included.
Are you named after anyone? My great-grandmother, father’s father’s mother. She and my great-grandfather were immigrants from Hungary. I have have a picture of her holding me as an infant. I’m sorry I didn’t get to know her.
When was the last time you cried? I cry all the dang time. I find it more notable when I haven’t cried recently -- when putting our cats down, despite me being the one person in the family who was tracking their health in detail and really worrying about their quality of life. I’m also the one who made the call and coordinated the final vet visit. There’s stuff in there about my personality that I’m pondering.
I guess the last time I really cried it out was over gender politics, if you would believe it. My wife is trans. The horrible state of conservative oppression toward trans people right now is terrifying. OTOH, I think that enemy has led trans advocacy to be less nuanced rather than more. The complex landscape of gender, sex, and safety is often trivialized, and people get hurt. When I can’t jump on the bandwagon, I feel like a traitor to my wife. I wish there could be more thoughtfulness and compassion and nuance, but with the wave of vicious anti-trans laws and rhetoric, I appreciate why it doesn’t feel like there’s space for it.
Do you have kids? One bio-daughter, age 12. We wanted to have another and couldn’t. Then we tried to adopt from foster care, which ended up being a miserable 5-year rabbithole that led nowhere. OTOH, we have a found-daughter who entered our life through the side door as our girl’s babysitter when she was young. It’s an odd family, and we’re still figuring it out, but it’s ours.
Do you use sarcasm a lot? I think of myself as fairly snarky, but actually sarcasm not that much.
What sports do you play/have you played? I got into really physical stuff late-ish, close to 30. I got into weight-lifting and cardio rhythm games. No team stuff. Later, I took up figure skating when my kid was 4 and taking lessons. I love it. I think I could have been really good if I’d found it when I was younger, but I’m very YOLO about this stuff. If I’m going to be a figure skater in middle age, so be it. Convenient classes for adults were canceled during the pandemic, though, and I haven’t built up the momentum to return. I’m settling for a lower-hanging fruit at the moment and taking up Tai Chi.
What’s the first thing you notice about other people? I don’t know exactly what it is, but I get a sense of how easy it is to relax around someone.
Scary movies or happy endings? Those aren’t mutually exclusive. I like being scared, but not so much the jump-scare, blood-and-gore way. Definitely happy endings though. I’m only much into dark endings when my life is stress-free, and I don’t remember when that last happened.
Any special talents? I’m good at looking at a problem from all angles. I think this is objectively a good thing, but it’s also a pain in the butt because I can’t turn it off.
Where were you born? New Jersey, USA. Grew up in Indiana, just north of Indianapolis.
What are your hobbies? Dur. I knit, edit movies, mod video games, write fiction (sims and other), scuba dive, play board games, downhill ski, do amateur carpentry. I did some glassblowing in my 20s, and I’m finally getting a chance to take lessons! I do not specialize well. I also played the viola as a serious amateur. I bought a guitar and am going to try to learn to play so that I can sing and accompany myself.
Do you have any pets? One cat, down from 3 cats. Also one corn snake.
How tall are you? 5′4″ or 162 cm.
Fave subject in school? History, I think?
Dream job? I’m not sure all the stuff I’d want to do in a career can be digested down to 1 job. I’m pretty close to it at the moment, though. I write educational software on a small very family-like team at a university. Sometimes I fantasize about quitting and doing something with game modding that could somehow be profitable, but I’m sure if that were actually possible, I’d end up hating it because my hobby would then be my job.
Eye color? I have the exact eye color @zosa95 described in her reply to this meme.
It feels good to be tagged, but I still have this weirdo anxiety about tagging people. Plus this has mostly made the rounds. I’ll try @withlovefromayre, @declaration-of-dramas
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I love your fics!!! Could I ask you to write a story where I'm taken in by Aemma but raised as a knight? She sees me kinda as her child but there's that distance of course because she literally the QUEEN. And then she passes, and Rhaenyra and I grieve together? I just, there's bit enough Aemma fics out there
Thank you very much for enjoying my stories. It always pleases me when people like it. A very interesting idea and I definitely agree there needs to be more stories about our kind Aemma
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The other daughter
warning : emotional, hurt/comfort
masterlist
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The streets of King's Landing, always so crowded, seemed quiet for the first time. Not because they had found peace in their misery, no, but because the king walked along the streets with his newly married queen as a greeting. Of course, the Gold Cloaks were around them and seemed to be waiting for someone to dance out of line.
But otherwise it was only cheers and claps that reached the royal couple. They loved them from the high house of Arryn. With their house seat of Eyrie and their king Viserys Targaryen who was elected. It was a marriage that could not have been better.
In the crowd a little girl no house no family and no title. An orphan taken in by the White Worm barely aware of her situation. The small stick in her hand was her sword and her surroundings were the battlefield. The little girl scurried through the crowd before she suddenly saw the bright blue beaded monster walking past her.
What was a sea monster to her was the blue beautiful dress of the queen to everyone else. And with a ,,Gotcha " the stick hit the queen's leg and stained the dress. Horrified sounds came from the people and the golden cloaks seemed to wonder if they should kill the child, drag her away or just leave her alone.
Just as one of them grabbed her hand and tried to pull her away, her stick collided with the armor and broke off. ,,Let her go" came the queen's voice and the guard stepped back. She knelt down to the child and behind her the king who was watching curiously. ,,What is your name?" she asked, her gentle hands resting on the child's as she slowly seemed to realize that she was an important person in front of her. ,,Y/n" she said softly and a dirty strand of hair came loose and fell into her face. ,,Do you have a family?" the blonde asked, seeing the child shake her head. Carefully the queen stroked it back behind the girl's ear. ,,My king, I think we have found a new knight," she said with a smile, and the peaceful king also smiled.
And with the lifting of the child and cheering shouts it was sealed the adoptive daughter of the queen and the king. Y/n the nameless dragon would they call her.
But although she did not own a dragon, her loyalty and strength in battle grew with each passing year. But as much as she loved her adoptive mother, she also felt this rift growing between them. They were not of the same blood and not related, yet they had something.
But now, sixteen years later, as cries of agony echoed through the castle, the young woman ran through the corridors. Her sword at her side and a worried expression in her eyes.
She had finally arrived at Aemma's room and was about to rush to her adoptive mother's bedside when she felt someone grab her by the shoulder. ,,The queen will not need your strength here, knight," she heard the voice of the hand as she looked at her screaming queen. ,,My queen" she said, but Aemma seemed to be too absorbed in her fever and pain to hear her adopted daughter. ,,Go knight, your services are not needed, an order of the hand" he said and she gave him a scathing look before rushing out. She knew she couldn't disobey an order, so she retreated to the training yard and slammed her sword into any training dummy she could find.
And with every scream she heard, the more the self-hat grew on herself. And with the queen's final scream, the castle suddenly fell silent. Breathing heavily and looking up to the queen's room, she put her sword back before trying again to get to her adoptive mother. Not knowing that what she would find would mark her forever.
But in all her grief, as she looked at the fireplace in her room, she knew there was one she had not yet spoken to. Rhaenyra. A cautious knock came at her door before she said in a broken voice, ,,Come in". Carefully the door opened and closed before she recognized the soft steps of the princess.
The blonde Targaryen stood behind the chair and watched the flames as well. ,,I'm sorry for your loss, Princess," she said, wiping away her tears. She winced when she felt the princess' hand on her shoulder. ,,I see you're struggling Y/n what is it?" said her stepsister, smiling sadly.
She could always read me so easily, she thought, and her hand rested on Rhaenyra's. ,,I-I should have protected her, Rhaenyra. She was like a mother to me, she took me in and made everything possible. But-but I couldn't do anything-nothing, I let her die," she said, her voice breaking as a whimper escaped her lips and she tightened her grip on the princess' hand. ,,It's not your fault Y/n... you couldn't have protected her from that," Rhaenyra tried to take away her pain. ,,I have nothing left, I betrayed my oath, my queen is dead," she said softly, tears running down her cheeks. Rhaenyra went around the chair and she knelt down in front of her stepsister. ,,You should not kneel," she tried and asked the princess to stand up. But Rhaenyra only shook her head and tears ran down her cheeks.
The Targaryen's eyes were full of pain, the same pain that afflicted the other. ,,I know I can't replace our mother...but if it gives you strength, become my sword" she suggested and the knight wiped away her tears in surprise. ,,Oh Rhaenyra" she said gratefully and touched before pulling the princess into a hug. ,,You are more like your mother than the conscious one," she murmured, feeling the princess's slight smile of relief.
Even if one of them was not a dragon, did not share blood and did not have violent eyes. Thus, with the death of their beloved mother, they had become something even stronger than sisters. They replaced each other Y/n was the sword that Rhaenyra could never wield.
And Rhaenyra was the dragon that Y/n would never be in power. They had become an inseparable bond through the death of Aemma. The princess and her knight. Not knowing that Aemma watched over them from the Eyrie and protected her two daughters.
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#x reader#hotd fanfic#house of the dragon#fluff#emotions#screaming crying throwing up#viserys targaryen#king viserys#princess rhaenyra#aemma arryn#queen aemma#viserys x aemma#kings landing#emotional#comfort#hurt/comfort#adoption#eyrie#house arryn
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Verily, verily I say unto you! Laura Palmer is the image of the Feminine Messiah, for she is what we consume at our daily meal, wrapped section-by-section, genre-by-genre, a full-course luncheon in a box served up by an early-adopter auteur slumming it up in TV Land, for he believed in the good of public works and the joys of episodic narrative!
Look back now to the Image of Tina in A Nightmare on Elm Street, not only clawing bloodied and bitten-of-nail on the inside of her bodybag translucent as the mists of a high school shower. See her not only dragged down the halls by an unseen malevolence leaving a slime-trail of blood as she goes -- See her also in the Dreamland which was her prison and tomb standing shrouded as the Holy Virgin in Plastic, Deflowered though she was by her Hunky Tighty Whitey wearing Latino Greaser Boyfriend who too was to be found alone, strangled of his own volition.
See the continuity in these images, not only for how one may influence another, but how in each is a reflection of the time and place from which they arose. See the dead girls on the news in placid suburban 80's homes. See them now always for what they always were -- offerings to the Moloch of the Mainland, Our Homeland Hungering for the Blood of the Pure. See how the boogeyman was always a necessity of the loving patriarchs which your grief-stricken mother, intoxicated in isolation, barred the windows of your home to keep your father out. See your father the lawman hiding the crimes to which he knew he was entitled for the law was his and the courts always shows for the public. The letter of the law could not reflect the will of the people, for the people hunger for blood and the annals of our court are not a butcher's trough, though we may permit each tree within our garden a gallows!
The blonde girl. The Radiant Madonna. Who is she? In her name we see the laurel crown, the hands which reach and touch. As the heart is what mediates the two, and she is the heart of the town, the daughter of a respected lawyer for the local last tycoon, she was the most fecund portal through which to inject corruption. She is the Feminine Messiah for She is the Paradoxical Image of God in The Flesh.
In Laura's embrace of Stoic Wisdom, her acceptance of struggle, decision to withstand hardship and rejection of witchcraft, we see the font of her status as a glamor goddess is a masculinized mind which compromises neither its feminine allure nor immersion. From a young age, she is bombarded not only by repeated sexual and emotional abuse from a loved one, but continuous assault by the irrational and yet inarguable presence of supernatural forces. As with the first scene of Ash's sister Cheryl's possession in The Evil Dead, the unseen forces of darkness lurking always out of sight seize her hand against her will and use her own body as an instrument to intrude upon the pages of a meditative space where she may be alone with her thoughts.
The treasury of Missing Pieces from Fire Walk With Me are a particular boon to this subject, as the additional scenes featuring Laura and her mother shed warm rays of luminance on a relationship foundational to not only the heart, but the core tension of the series.
In a brief scene where Sarah, Laura's mother, is coming inside carrying groceries, three developments occur in rapid succession, which key the viewer in to the intimacy of these women's dynamic. Laura is harried, for she has just found pages ripped from the Secret Diary she had hidden, tipping her off that her secrets can no longer be safely kept in her own home. She is smoking a cigarette, as she was only moments before (in the main body of the text) living out an impromptu early-90's alterative hip-hop video as she comes home from school (as one does), which we soon find out is despite her mother's protests. (The smoking, not living in a improvisational music video. No matter what timeline you're in, you can't take the 90's out of a 90's girl even if it's still the 80's.) Yet also despite her protests, her mother will hold her cigarette for her as Laura in turn takes the groceries. Laura needs to ask her mother to borrow the car (fortuitous, I'm only now realizing, as she had just gotten home) for she is still only a high school girl, but first -- she must withstand another bout of lecturing from her mother where she insists she will never be a smoker if she never starts smoking. We can see in this briefly that Sarah is instilling in Laura a purity ethic where a corrupted-identity is based on an initiation ("being a smoker", "starting smoking") -- the definitive feature of idol worship, which Sarah is sadly living out half-consciously, as her own husband is drugging her with milk. The milk which she seems inevitably to accept, making her go into the white dissociative horsey dreams. As a final comic touch, once Sarah agrees, Laura runs out the door, leaving her cigarette in her mother's hands, which she needs to then run back in and grab to eye-rolling maternal exasperation.
This connects to a later scene which elaborates upon a vital point of ambiguity in the main body of the film -- an ambiguity which reads as such for it is not immediately parsible, for it is irrational.
Laura ascends to the local Roadhouse to once more prostitute her underaged body for the coke money she so desperately needs to fuel her lifestyle of endless social charity and drug-fueled bisexual intrigues. Her childhood best friend, Donna Hayward, played by a different actress in the film than in the series (perhaps embodying Laura's projections of her own naivety onto the cuter, smaller, mousier new girl) follows her. She is not only curious about her best friend's distance, her twoness, but she is aware of how Laura sees her. Donna is dating one of the two Local Mikes, the Earthly Dumb Jock, who proudly boasts from his convertible in his letterman jacket with her drug-dealer leather bro by his side that HE. IS. THE. MAN. This Donna will, in the same breath, wonder aloud if her football player boyfriend could ever write her a poem, then scandalously whisper to Laura about ... the mere possibility ... of having sex. Holy shit. This bitch was having threesomes in public when she was twelve. Girl, you know not what little you know. Oh my god. You are not yet ready to steal this woman's second boyfriend and develop main character syndrome as you shout on her grave in the dead of night. Right now, you are gonna do some weird needy insecure shit and it's gonna be fun.
(My little brother is a hardcore Donna stan and I know not ever why.)
As we have said, Donna follows Laura to her nightside prostitution meetup, which prompts Laura to react with barely-disguised dismay equal parts shock contempt and expectance. This Donna ... is gonna get fucking good at playing Laura's games. This Donna ... is gonna slut it up. This Donna ain't no fuckin prude. This Donna has cute lil perky tits and she's gonna whip em out! You ever see that other Donna's tits? Nuh-uh, bitch. TV standards. No full-frontal female. See em on the big screen, motherfucker. Bathed in hot pink electro-grunge hate-fucking your ears! I am a Goddess! I am the Concubine! I am the Queen of Whores! Ow. Don't cry from that one shot you took. That was real spicy. I'm such a good girl this is hard for me. I'm not gonna let it show, though. Do I have to be at church in the morning? Am I out whoring on a schoolday? What happened to my lesbian sister who writes poetry? How can Laura be best girl and biggest slut, how is that possible, what am I missing?
Once more you may see as it is revealed -- as Donna approaches the table at which Laura is seated with her two bucks, one asks if she is included in "the deal" -- to which Laura objects, which Donna insists on including herself, sealing it with the shot she takes from her mark.
Donna is self-initiating into the cult of ritual prostitution by means of libation that she may enter into sympathetic resonance with Laura. Laura, though she may seem to dismay it, is protective of Donna's innocence, and doesn't wish to see her corrupted. Though Laura may appear beautiful and bright and alive, inside she is consumed by darkness and fears being close to anyone, fears that her influence on anyone might be corrosive, and yet -- she's missing Meals on Wheels deliveries and unable to give excuses, although -- nobody wonders why despite the fact there's nobody there. There's nobody there, but maybe the two of us can sneak off later and snuggle in my truck while we listen to non-diegetic music over the radio and reflect on the beauty and tragedy of the night.
Furthermore, the Missing Pieces make clear the crossing of an additional boundary -- namely that the girls literally cross northward into the territory of Canada to engage in their Pink Room Prostitution Cube. The abrupt cut in the feature film, on first impression -- may lead one to believe the Pink Room is an extension spatially, literally ... (a backroom) as well as metaphysically and thematically ... of the Roadhouse, rather than another place, called The Power and the Glory some many miles away.
It is in this scene where Donna loses herself to her latent passions, caressing herself as a boa in the sweater which Laura had discarded as she disrobed, she sees then her old coworker, Ronette Pulaski (named for the park by my house, by which I mean not the French Jesuit Missionary, but the street not named for him) emerge from the pink fog of time, the mirror image of what Donna might become: the two reflect upon their past experiences in the brothel where they worked, recruited through the perfume counter at Laura's dad's lifetime friend and business partner's department store high school grooming and sex trafficking ring.
It is important to understand that consensual sex work performed voluntarily by an adult woman (or man or anyone else for that matter) who understands the risks they're accepting, as they would accept with any choice of occupation, is quite different from a situation where a girl is coerced, both overtly and subtly, into acting against her own self-interest by playing into what seems inevitable pre-scripted scenes by invisibly abusive authorities with loving faces. Laura may enjoy sex, and sex is empowering, but this is occurring from a place of deep hurt. Laura has been repeatedly humiliated, repeatedly disempowered, repeatedly had her body turned into a source of shame, that her ability to connect and be vulnerable with other men has been compromised. Truthfully, Laura enjoys humiliating men through sex. Laura loves the power she has over them. Laura enjoys that she can coerce, bully and intimidate adult men who know they're raping her, because at least these fuckers aren't her own father. Remember when Bobby breaks down crying with Laura in his arms, realizing she's only using him for cocaine, and he just gives it to her anyway cause he wants her to be happy? He just knows that she's in pain and he can't really help and he needs her, and it's fine. She needs these drugs. Maybe she needs these drugs. You can't get her off drugs. What can you do for her? What can anyone do for her? Nobody appreciated how Bobby was a good man all along but his own dad and nobody can understand that because nobody has a time-traveling airforce superdad who can hypnotize you in a diner with the best possible version of yourself he glimpsed in his Project Bluebook heaven research because an actual Good Christian Man might as well be sci-fi!
Oh my god, bro.
It just now occurs to me that I am literally recapping a soap opera to explain the gospel. The cute Polish pup with the muscly veins and roid acne was right, you are obnoxiously American! Well, it's important to remember that if cute little German boys didn't love American melodrama, we wouldn't have the great works of RW Fassbinder.
I win and this is an effective hybridization of film criticism and spirituality which rightfully makes actual Christians look like aesthetically and intellectually stunted-dweebs formaldehyded into guppies by doctrine!
My page is so much fun, you will not see this shit elsewhere. Never forget how special you are to me for appreciating my words, brothers.
Laura, you see, understands the nature of discreet energetic resonance.
Laura knows that the essentialized state which underlies fetishism is not simply sympathetic psychological association, nor strictly a consequence of molecular chemistry. While Laura would agree that, yes (for Laura is keen-eyed and scientifically-minded, yet nevertheless -- is not blind to subtler forces at work in the world around her) that if your cute lil queer boy ass wanted to lick an alpha man's armpits cause it tastes real woody and salty almost like a saltwater toffee, but a bit more mulchy and mushroomy, like -- yeah, there'd deffo be a molecular component, for you would be inhaling his pheromones direct and they would be seeping into your tongue creating fast-acting pathways straight to your brain, and yeah -- your direct proximity to a hunky alpha man's muscular triceps and biceps and big meaty pecs would cement the paraphilic association, acting as both a trigger and deepening a visual impression around which your mind would naturally mold itself, allowing your body to follow -- all of that is true. She would probably agree in 2023 Twin Peaks reboot timeline where she's watching gay tumblr porn prolly cause she finds it lolzy and how gay are Mike and Bobby, actually? At least as gay as Donna is for me, right? Am I ready to speak publicly about how gay I suspect Donna is for me? She's basically a little sister. I can't believe she grows up to be the bad guy in Men in Black 2 before fully morphing into Pete Burns. Holy shit. Maybe I am a mean bitch. Why the fuck do I wanna come for Donna so bad? I just feel she brings it on herself?
All that aside, Laura understands the essentialized state transferred by a fetishistic object is primarily energetic. That is, as everything is vibrational, one might say that a shirt worn by a person, or their underwear, vibrates at the same frequency as that person, coming to -- in time -- carry subtle traces of that person, for the very fibers of the garment could be said to have been energetically infused via the pitch or the sound at which the individual's spirit resonates or sings, and things such as smell, while real -- are themselves closer to self-induced inductions where we recall distant days and so surrender ourselves -- making ourselves blank to receive the song we'll never hear.
Laura wears her mother's clothes. In another deleted scene, Sarah chastises Laura for taking one of her sweaters, then not only not returning it, but leaving it balled up on the floor of her closet. Later, Sarah wonders if Laura took her sweater again, for she'd spent all afternoon looking for it, only for Laura to then say rather pointedly "Mom. What are you wearing?" Prompting Sarah to glance down, and slip into a fount of weeping, to which Laura slowly and tenderly approaches.
We understand. Sarah has some demons in her. Sarah sees the visions of the white horse. That wasn't explained for a long time, and even now that it has been, it's still not something which is readily sensible to the casual majority of viewers. The explanation is given, but the intellect refuses it, for it confounds the intellect's neat and tidy categorical schematizations. The white horse is frustrating for it is both obscure and obvious. The readily material explanation is drugs, slang, things one step removed from immediate reality. You can have Abe Lincoln descend from the Sky in Blackface and Crush People's Brains Open before Reciting In Slant Rhyme the Answer All Along to Mock to Your Face Your Conscious, Logical, Route Memorization Sensibilities, but in truth, the image is less paradoxical than a depiction of a current and emerging unity.
Sarah's memory maybe isn't all there. Sarah's had her mind played with. Sarah's been on some shit. How much has Sarah been playing along all along? How much does it only look that way, for she doesn't see?
How much does she always allow?
Mom. What are you wearing?
Mom, are you wearing Sarah?
Laura takes off her face.
Laura is filled with Light.
Saraha takes off her face.
Sarah is filled with Darkness.
Sarah has Laura's smile.
Sarah has a swollen spirit finger.
What would it mean for her -- to know the man she loved, wasn't only cheating on her, not only abusing her daughter, but both in a single act which violated the very underpinnings of both their marriage and their family; to feel she had brought this on herself, by selecting this man, by... not being enough ... by breeding a whore ... why would this happen?
Did you sit there after the reveal of Laura's killer and see this woman standing upright, eyes-alert at her husband's funeral, vowing to be awake, vowing to be present, vowing to remember and to live?
Do you remember how she was then written out of the show forever? How nobody cared? Nobody wanted to look at her? Nobody wanted to think about what happened? Everybody wanted to immediately forget. Nobody wanted to admit that it was happening. Bobby cried out at Laura's funeral that they collectively killer her by ignoring what was obvious and nobody said anything. Bobby was right all along. Bobby was never the real asshole. Bobby was maybe one of the only people who really loved her almost selflessly despite being an infantile douchebag who got secondhand raped by his shrink, who -- oh yeah. Was a jealous older man pining away listlessly and leeringly for underage Laura's hot and heavy secret trauma, who wanted to fuck with Bobby for being a badboy hot jock with powerful latent telepathic abilities, the likes of which his false-gold Mercurial debt-scheme which miraculously works only on cyclopean state champ wresler kooks with amazing pussy control could never hope to dream, let alone conceptualize in false 3D.
Mike the Man grew up to be an insurance agent because of course he did.
Remember how Sarah only came back in at the last minute to deliver a message from the realm of chthonian spiritual trial, reduced and elevated to a cameo, being both chorus and iteral messenger of a hidden devil?
Fuckin sucks for her, am I right? Prolly made her a lil loopy while it was happening, then -- once everyone she thought was a friend or family ignores her cause now she's nothing but a walking reminder, invisibly reduced to a pariah in her own life, it's like she does nothing but sits and festers in a wound of her own making which will never heal.
Damn.
She sat in that house. Where it happened. For 25 years.
In front of the television.
While nobody talked about it.
You know, I've always just really liked Grace Zabriskie. I was sad when she was murdered in Child's Play 2. This is the only thing by David Lynch she's in where she's not already alarming and insidious. Wild at Heart. Disabled Vampyre Ritual Mexican Sex Assassin. Inland Empire. Your 6th grade history teacher harboring an omen of immanent death before using her witch powers to rearrange time. The Return. Literally Queen of Darkness. There she is, folks. The Mother of Evil.
Here in the pilot, she is simply a primal wail of despair which induces some to laughter simply for its intensity disturbs their peace of mind and they must laugh to hold their fragile rational framework together.
(You may attempt to prove me wrong if it would please you.)
Therefore we understand. Whatever is in Sarah is in Laura and whatever is in Laura is in Sarah. They're, now you sense, energetically tethered -- not only cut from the same cloth, for her flesh was stitched of her loom, but if their strings were plucked, they would produce pleasing sounds of a similar timber, and none could confirm this better than Leland Palmer, father, husband and brother, who has readily plucked them both!
You understand now fully -- why, for Laura, at the Pink Room called The Power and the Glory, to see Donna as the image of Ronette, a prostitute saved only at the last moment by providence, that she may open the door to beckon Laura's protective spirit -- why to see Donna wearing Laura's sweater would incense her as to leap to Donna's rescue and cease all further consumption of libation and ritual sex. Laura remembers who she is, and what she values. She doesn't want Donna to be like her. She doesn't want Donna to do what she inevitably does -- investigate her double, triple, quintuple life, adopt her manner and her attitudes, seduce naive doofy biker idiots and cute agoraphobic nerds who are so sheltered and fragile they will suicide at the first sign of betrayal.
She doesn't want her stable family life to fall apart when she discovers that she-bitch Audrey Horne is her sister, holy shit. It was so obvious. If Donna had any charisma she'd be Audrey, who is too feisty and independent which is why her own father never tried to rape her!
Why would her own father try to rape her? Her father has a healthy and trusting creative-personal-business relationship with his brother. Her father lacks the core loneliness to make him that kind of monster. Neither Donna nor Audrey understand men, which is why they're not Laura. Laura understanding men makes her Best Girl. The fact that her own father never tried to rape her made Audrey feel so weirdly inadequate -- much like Donna -- that she has to do mentally ill things like hide naked in Hunky FBI men's bedrooms before dishing out her daddy issues.
God. Thank God our old pal Coop's semi-autonomous AI demon-half shot a corruption load in her so she had a raise a hellspawn, marry her accountant, then go insane wishing she was still young and pretty!
Joshy Fuck Me. That's what I say instead of Jesus fuck now!
I was gonna keep this G-rated for language, but holy shit!
This shit's got as much rape and incest as an actual bible story, I'm just gonna assume you're all adults and have the psychological resilience to handle a dirty word or two, ooooh. What if I post a middle-finger pic? Like and reblog telling me if you would swoon or drenche yer knickers.
Rather tellingly, all Leland can see as he arrives up to pick up Laura for breakfast -- is this same fear of Laura herself. He sees Laura seated beside Donna on the couch, and remembers the day he was almost the John to his own underage prostitute daughter, arranged via their mutual connection, Theresa Banks, his earlier kill in Deer Meadow one year prior.
God, imagine how that must feel for the poor guy!
Ya fuck your own daughter's brains out in a drug-induced demonic trance, thinkin she'll have the common sense to be trauma bonded ta ya for life, but nooooooo. She wants to be out here like that totally scary and unfuckable little Audrey bitch threatening to cut off daddy's tiny peepee with her intimidating precocious little scientific intellect. Girls are scary! If they're not dumb, they're gonna notice how dumb we are first! We need to destroy their capacity to think and feel with our dicks! This is the right way of the land, for it is the right of the conqueror, the female being fecund and plenty as the soil and just as fit to trod upon.
I love America! It's real fun to pollute and rape!
I mean I absolutely believe Dolores seduced Humbert, let's not kid ourselves. Humbert Humbert may have had a silver tongue, but he was not leading man material, folks. Humbert Humbert wishes he was James Mason, but Kubrick's film of Lolita is a perverse Wonderland full-immersion in the psychopathic ideations of a pedophile verging on a pederast for Humbert is so fucking hipster and selective of his vintage, he will only rape little girls in these precise specific age ranges, holy shit.
You are the most autistic and socially inept sex monster! I really believe all the women you meet are throwing themselves at you and Peter Sellers is the neurotic spazz radio man of a thousand voices. Kubrick's film is an irony which requires a level of psychological detachment which verges on psychopathic. It's more-than-less a feature-length 4chan joke, and I understand nobody will understand or appreciate it as a sterling treatise on irony as insurmountable as I do and I accept and appreciate this. Dolly can absolutely be aware of the sexual power she can wield over an infantile adult male, and it can still be illegal, immoral and that man's fault when he succumbs to his emotional weakness and rapes a child.
Joshy fuck me. Uncomfortable people leap to stupid fucking conclusions cause they're basically animals! People who are uncomfortable talking about raping children prolly wanna rape children, there I said it. I have only ever wanted to rape powerful and virile athletic men of an appropriate age and ferment, for I am a conqueror, a king, an alpha.
Well, you see -- Laura couldn't protect Donna, same as nobody could save Laura. In the end, Laura was the only one who could save herself.
Laura gave her body, to protect her Soul. When she places the Jade ring around her finger and weds herself to the Spiritual Mike, the Shoe Salesman and One-Armed Man Whose severed Autonomous Limb became First a Dwarf, then an Axxonal Bubblegum Tree, she was Free of Bob's Influence, and so ... Bob no longer able to farm her, was compelled by obligation to his former master to reap and immediately harvest her.
To put this in an economical sense more readily graspable for earthly carnivores, when Laura put on the ring, she allowed herself to be claimed by Mike, thus becoming His Property. BOB -- the spirit inside Leland -- once being Mike's familiar, now a runaway, was compelled by his very nature to kill this girl who had given herself to his master. As BOB had sought her out, slow-cooked her, flavored her, BOB saw Laura as his and wanted to enjoy her for a long, long time. When Laura gave herself to Mike, BOB was himself forced to sell now, and trade a good long steady drip for an immediate short-term gorging, most of which he then needed to immediately discharge submissively at the feet of his master.
For Laura had wedded herself to a demon, her soul was placed in the Black Lodge. Yet, Laura did not wed herself to a demon for any desire for earthly power or authority, but for it was a way to minimize malign influence. Laura's spiritual wedding was simple, practical harm-reduction. If BOB had corrupted Laura and entered her body, BOB could use her connections to every artery of the town to spread this influence everywhere. Laura "chose to let herself be killed" because this was in line with her dominant value of protecting the innocence she lost.
Look at Deer Meadow, the setting of the prologue to the film. See how little life means there. See how its evident nature as a stained and distorted reflection of the eponymous town was clear even before the doppelganger motif took stage as primary thematic preoccupation. Remember how nobody knew Theresa. Nobody came forward to claim the body. She was a drifter, a statistic, no family. Totally forgotten.
See how it was the love of real people who tried, who stepped forward, who had a desire to connect, and to care, and serve, despite the fears, the follies, the secrets and entanglements of other people in a vanishing tribal structure and way of life we do not and may not ever understand.
See how anyway, they never spoke.
For a time, they did.
Then all was inevitably forgotten.
See how it was through the laws of cause and effect; the accumulation and deterioration of karma as a debt, that Laura self-actualizes by taking control of her life by taking control of her death, that she breaks the cycle of violence and is so uplifted into Grace and Reverence.
See how the angel which came as she sat splendid and curled in the velvets of the Red Room was of her own making, as the one which appeared to open the door of the car for Ronette was of her own making, the lights splendid and alive as if hung ourselves on our own tree!
Tell yourself, brothers, as our sisters our able. That we deserve to be forgiven. That others will forgive us when we forgive ourselves. Any crime which may be mended may be done as such when we approach one another with a firm grasp of truth in an open heart. We were not born to be corrupted. We are not lowly and bestial. We are not the pawns of the powers that be, nor fated to sell ourselves half-willingly into slavery. If it is in a market that we must we live, we may set our value with those of so little they would design to ever think to put one on a human life.
Of this now, and at this time, I have said enough.
On another day, I will return to the ways in which our leading man and hero, chipper and chivalrous knight of the FBI -- boyscout in black tie --- who is easily able to clear the low bar of taking a high school girl crush out for ice cream and a pep talk instead of feeling her up, he already being telepathic enough to know a girl'd be murdered here a year ago, instead of, like ... y'know... fondling her prone naked body -- I will return to the ways in which he complements and contrasts the enigmas of our heroine, he being, by means of his multiplicity, quite an enigma himself.
#twin peaks#laura palmer#secret diary#fire walk with me#a nightmare on elm street#david lynch#sheryl lee#grace zabriskie#twin peaks fire walk with me#donna hayward#audrey horne#the return#stanley kubrick#lolita#sue lyon#james mason#vladimir nabokov#moloch#josh#jesus christ#idol worship
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𝖲𝗈𝖿𝗍!𝖬𝖺𝗑 𝖬𝖺𝗒𝖿𝗂𝖾𝗅𝖽 𝖧𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗌
Tag List: @clarkegriffinslever
a/n: Basically season 4 but without its actual plot. Kinda long.
Soft!Max x Black!Byers!Girlfriend!Reader
• You are Joyce's daughter (adopted and same age as Will)
• When she first came to Hawkins, you immediately intrigued her with your dashing cocoa brown skin and your amazing sense of style
• Would often see her at the arcade and sometimes she would invite you to play with her
• You became her first friend and she was ecstatic
• Until she started to realize her feelings for you two months later in the friendship
• She would distance herself away from you to question her sexuality
• The Mayfield girl came to terms that she was a lesbian
• “Why are you avoiding me?”
• “Because, I just discovered something about myself and I don't know…if you'd accept me for it.”
• “Whatever it is, I'll always accept you, foxy.”
• “…I'm a lesbian.”
• “So am I.”
• “No, you don't get it [name], it's more than that. I think that I'm falling in love with you.”
• “Oh….”
• She let out a defeated sigh, “That's what I thought. You know, can you just forget about this so it doesn't ruin our friendship — even if we still are friends.”
• “Me too…”
• “Wai- what?!”
• “I'm falling in love with you too and I didn't confess because I didn't think that you would ever reciprocate those feelings.”
• “So does this mean that we're dating now?!”
• “Relax, mayfield, at least take me out for dinner first.”
• So that was how your loving relationship with max blossomed
• Your redhead girlfriend is such a cute smol bean
• Whether it's protecting you or loving you, she is a goddamn multitasker
• Max would never want to admit it but she got dating advice from Robin and Steve
• Mostly she ignored Steve and listened to Robin's advice (which was pretty good)
• So since you're friends with Vickie, Max tries to set Robin and Vickie up as a thank you
• Safe to say that they worked out so now you go on double dates occasionally
• She is the adventurous type and would make you try new things with her
• During summer break, you both took up photography, pottery, and painting class
• As soon as max was given that camera, she would non-stop take pictures of you
• Unexpectedly, Max was pretty amazing with art
• Mainly her focus was on you because you were her beautiful masterpiece after all
• Her beautiful melanin princess
• So most of her paintings were mostly you
• Now onto pottery
• I feel like max would hug you from behind and kiss your neck, desperate for your attention while you were doing pottery in the comfort of your home
• Or she would come up from behind and pepper your cheek with kisses while helping you shape it
• Max would definitely teach you how to ride her skateboard
• Like she is a helicopter girlfriend
• By that, I mean that her arms will be wrapped around your waist
• Now this is exclusively rare because she lets no one on her skateboard but herself
• Instantly, when you first got hurt riding the skateboard, the redhead completely freaked out
• So now you wear a helmet, elbow and knee pads
• The whole party was completely shooketh
• “So you’re telling me that max let you ride her skateboard and you live to see another day?”
• Meanwhile, you teach her how to bake
• She would steal cookies as they were cooling down
• “Maxy, did you steal one— FOUR cookies!!”
• “No, baby I haven't seen any cookies,”
• Your nicknames for her would be: maxy, my redhead, foxy
• Her nicknames for you would be: baby, darling, sweetheart
• One time she wanted to surprise you by baking you a cake just for being the best girlfriend to her
• That was a complete catastrophe
• Max + Baking = Horrible Match
• You literally had to call the fire department
• If max was aiming for an unforgettable birthday, she surely took the cake
• If you were sick even if it was just the flu
• May God help you
• “Do you need soup? Do you want me to fluff your pillows? Do you feel like vomiting?”
• Refuses to give you kisses while you're sick
• “No, baby. You need to get better then I will give you all the kisses that you desire.”
• Max would definitely want to wear matching Halloween costumes
• During Christmas, Max loves it when you put extra marshmallows in her hot cocoa and she loves it when you lay on her chest, all cuddled up with her arms wrapped around you, watching Christmas movies
• When you went on summer vacation for two weeks, it was like torture for her
• Even though she had Eleven and Robin to talk to, it wasn't the same
• Regularly calls you to just hear your angelic voice
• Becomes instantly flustered when Jonathan or Will teases you
• “[Name], it's your girlfriend again!”
• She would send you poems and love letters but wouldn’t admit it to anyone else but you
• I reckon that she draw cookies and skateboards on the header of the letter so you know it's from her
• Rarely gets jealous cause she trusts you but if someone takes it too far
• You WILL be going to school the next day, your neck covered in hickeys
• Is definitely the small spoon
• There were times when you would rest your head on her shoulder, falling asleep but the boys would ruin the vibe
• “Be quiet, you shitheads, can't you see she's asleep?” Then she would put her arm around you and kiss the crown of your head
• She adores it when you wear her hoodies
• For some reason, your girlfriend ALWAYS loves when you have your hair in an afro
• Tries to help you unbraid your hair when summer is over
• If you two fought, max would normally be the one to apologize first
• The redhead would buy matching lockets
• So during your 2nd year anniversary of dating, she gifted you a photo book with photos of you both and has them labeled with all of the dates as well
• “I'm gonna marry you one day.”
• “And I can't wait till that day comes.”
• You two are the dream couple in Hawkins
© asvterias, 2022. please do not plagiarize any of my works.
#stranger things#stranger things headcanons#fluff headcanons#stranger things fluff headcannons#max mayfield#max mayfield x fem!reader#max mayfield x black!reader#max mayfield headcannons
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