#Touken angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

harleyquilt · 28 days

Text

A Forgotten Birthday, An Unopened Gift (A Touken/Kanetou fanfic)

Summary: It's the day after Kaneki is freed from Aogiri and decided to leave Anteiku, leaving both him and Touka lamenting the distance between them.

Words: 2,269

Notes: You can blame @hakucho-art for this angst-fest, the original hc was her idea 😔

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The air is cold and still. Touka sits on Anteiku's balcony, tucked away behind the tall bodies of surrounding buildings. It's dark now, the sun having long set, and the moon's light dulled by the overcast night sky. Touka shivers, hugging her body. The painful ache on her back permeates her entire body, stinging with each slow breath. It's healing, the inflamed skin gradually knitting itself back together, but the cold leaves her body tense, only adding to the pain. She should be going back inside, her numb fingers rubbing over the goosebumps on her arms. Yet she remains, searching for the moon beyond the dense barrier of clouds above.

To her side is a rectangular package, wrapped in a patterned paper bag and sealed with a sticker of a cartoon-ish rabbit. Picking it up, she tightens her hold around what was meant to be a gift, the bag crinkling under her fingers. It's a book of poems Yoriko helped pick out at the bookstore a week or so ago, recently released and highly acclaimed. Thinking about it now, Touka wonders if he already has a copy, knowing he visits the bookstore often. Well, that was before tonight. After seeing the state he was in at the Aogiri base, she finds it hard to imagine him casually browsing for books, as if nothing has changed. Cringing, Touka tosses the gift aside and wraps her arms around her knees, lowering her head.

She can still see his back facing her, his dark shirt tattered, his hair an unusual white, and his skin uncomfortably pale. It was an almost haunting sight, a complete change from the soft, weak boy she has come to know the past two months. He had walked away from his life at Anteiku and rejected her offer to stand by his side. And her heart, brimming with a mix of relief and gratitude moments before, ruptured from his sudden betrayal. Like a splash of cold water, a hard slap against her skin. She shakes her head at the memory, her fingers digging into her thighs. He never stopped her, watching her silently as she walked away from that cold hill-top. Leaving him, she suddenly felt incredibly hollow, as if he had punctured her heart and drained all that kept her warm before.

“Idiot.” She mutters, unwanted tears filling her eyes. “Idiot, idiot, idiot!” She kicks the ground, scaring away nearby pigeons.

She grips her necklace, the chain cold against her palm. Holding her parents’ last keepsake, she squeezes her eyes shut. She can almost see them, smiling at her, beckoning her, their voices dulled from the passing of time. Still, she relishes the warmth they bring her, welcoming her with much-needed affection. She can even see Ayato – young and soft, carrying with him an innocence that has yet to be trampled. An innocence she used to know. But they're not really here, not anymore, and opening her eyes, hot tears fall down her reddened cheeks, the metal biting into her skin.

“Why am I always…” Her words are broken with a soft whimper and she angrily wipes away her tears, sniffing. She doesn't finish her words, unable to bring herself to say her thoughts aloud, even while knowing it to be the truth.

And as always, she is left alone to dwell on the numbing loneliness enshrouding her, forever questioning what she should have done differently.

. . .

“This is one of my family's safehouses.” Tsukiyama explains, gesturing towards a modern-looking building. “This one is free for us to use for however long we–”

Before Tsukiyama can finish, however, Kaneki walks ahead and into the building, his ragged clothes hanging off his slender body. He looks around the doorway before examining his dirty feet. They're scarred and covered in a mix of dirt and dried blood. With a sigh, he steps into the house, and Banjou, his friends, and Tsukiyama follow from behind.

Tsukiyama, of course, makes no complaint, but even if he had, Kaneki lacks the patience to comply with any more demands. Not after tonight. Thankfully, the others choose not to comment while he walks around the house, checking the different rooms and silently making note of how he will utilise these spaces.

“What do you think?” Tsukiyama asks, smiling, once Kaneki returns to the living room. The others are sitting on the sofas, checking each other's wounds. “Is it all to your liking?”

“Yes.” Kaneki answers, slumping down onto a spare seat. His body suddenly feels much heavier, the exhaustion taking hold. “This is fine. Except…”

“Except…?” Tsukiyama leans forward, his hands clasped together, and eager to do whatever Kaneki may ask.

“There's no room for you.” Kaneki says, his voice cool and steady. He brushes a hand through his hair as Tsukiyama stands frozen, wondering if he somehow misheard Kaneki. Kaneki looks back at him, his expression unreadable. “You need to find somewhere else to sleep.”

“O-Oh…” Tsukiyama clears his throat, straightening. “But this hideout has so many spare rooms. Surely there's one I can–”

“No. There isn't.” Kaneki reiterates. He pulls himself back onto his feet and heads towards Banjou, seemingly ending the discussion.

Placing a hand on Banjou's shoulder, he offers a small, wry smile. “I need to sleep now, but you and the others are free to do what needs to be done. Make sure you heal your wounds and rest, okay?” He asks this, glancing at the others, who all nod back in appreciation.

“You too, Kaneki-kun.” Banjou returns the gesture with a heavy hand on Kaneki's shoulder. “We're all here for you.” He glances at Tsukiyama, now standing behind Kaneki and visibly shaken by what has transpired the past few minutes. Shaken, but not deterred. “And we'll be here once you wake up.”

Kaneki smiles, truly grateful to hear Banjou say those words. “Thank you, Banjou. Really.”

Once he makes sure Tsukiyama has left the building, much to Tsukiyama's dismay, he enters one of the smaller bedrooms on the second floor, shutting and leaning back against the door. It's only then that he can feel his legs tremble, and sliding onto the ground, he buries his face into his rough hands. With a stifled sob, his jaw clenched, he grips his now white hair, pulling his strands between his fingers.

So much has transpired the past week, the past day even, that it is difficult for Kaneki to completely comprehend. The memories rush through his mind like a rampant flood, crashing through his consciousness with feelings of hate, fear, regret, and a deep, dark grief that he can feel himself sinking further into with every passing moment.

And beyond the murky depths consuming him, he can see her face, looking at him with those wide, dark eyes. There's a softness there, beyond its hardened exterior, like a light beyond the dark abyss. He wants nothing more than to reach for it, to hold it gently within his hands, but he holds back, resisting the urge. Sensing his hesitation, her expression falters, the relief twisting into confusion, before finally settling on a bitter disappointment. At the time, she said nothing as she turned away from him, yet he could still hear the spite in her footsteps, the feeling of betrayal in her silence. The sound echoes through his mind now, shaking the foundations of his fortitude.

But it had to be done, he knows, and with a shaky breath, he lowers his hands and leans his head back, tears falling from his half-lidded eyes. If there is one thing he is certain about after all the turmoil of the past week, it was that Touka would be safer in Anteiku and away from him. Him and his ugly hands. Looking at them, his eyes drift over the ringed scars around the base of each finger, and then his darkened nails, black with congealed blood. Beyond the hundreds of layers of skin, though, was the blood of those he tormented not long before, their screams still ringing through his head. He can still smell their stench all over him. They deserved their pain, Kaneki thought, clicking his index finger. The sound elicits a stream of numbers that rattle around the inside of his ear. It still pulsates painfully with the scratching of centipede legs.

1000. 206. Minus 7. 204. Minus what what wha–

He slaps his hands over his ears, biting hard into his lip. He can taste blood as the sound fades into static, his body tense. Letting out a shaking sigh, he lowers his hands, sucking away the blood from his bottom lip.

Despite his desire to trample those with unrestrained power, this is not a life he wants Touka to see, to feel, or to share. Not anymore, at least. He will spare her from that life, free her from that shadow that continues to haunt her. Even at the cost of her friendship, of her presence in his life. The idea alone makes his stomach twist into a tight knot, but he has suffered worse pains – if it's for her sake, he will take on whatever pain is demanded from him.

He can see the scowl on her face as the thought passes through his tattered mind, and a smile tugs on his lips, her anger weirdly comforting. Familiar, even.

“Damn it.” He breathes, rubbing his face. “I want to see her again.”

. . .

Holding a cotton swab soaked in alcohol, Irimi dabs the wounds on Touka's back. Touka flinches with each contact, hissing through clenched teeth. Irimi places a hand on Touka's shoulder, holding her in place.

“Ow.” Touka murmurs, hunching her shoulders. The wounds continue to pulsate and tingle when Irimi finally pulls her hand back, discarding the blood-stained swab. “How much longer will this take?”

“Hmm,” Irimi leans forward, delicately placing her hands against Touka's back and examining the injury. “The cuts are deeper than I thought. You might need stitching.”

Touka shudders. “Forget it! Just give me some food and I'll be fine.”

Irimi is quiet for a moment, preparing the gauze. “I'm worried that your kakuhou has been damaged.” Pressing the gauze against the wound, she notices Touka's body stiffen. “It may be a while before you can use your kagune again. Even then, it may take longer for them to return to their original state.”

“Oh…” Touka is not sure what else to say, her hands clenched into fists on top of her thighs. Her hair falls forward, hiding her face. She can feel the colour drain from her cheeks.

“Yes, well,” Irimi sighs and finishes bandaging Touka's injury. With a warm, damp cloth, she wipes away the blood dripping down Touka’s back. “This shouldn't be too surprising, considering everything that's happened.” She leans back, gathering her supplies. “You just need time to rest and recover.”

“Right.”

Touka can't bring herself to say the words circling her mind, to voice the realisation that she would have been nothing but a burden to Kaneki, even if he had accepted her offer to join him. It's ridiculous, she thinks, resentment thickening into a hard lump in her throat; she had always been the one leading the charge before, using her strength to fight against those that threatened her and her loved ones. And now she's been reduced to nothing more than a burden, a mere hindrance to the very people she sought to protect.

Ayato's words lash against her, biting into her as hard as he had during their fight – she has grown weak, complacent, soft from the years she's spent playing human. And now, as punishment, her wings have been clipped, keeping her pinned to the ground where she belongs. Regret shrouds over her as she stands from her seat, mumbling a small thank you to Irimi. Her peer watches her, concerned.

“Listen, Touka-chan.” Irimi stands alongside Touka. “You're young, with so many opportunities ahead of you. You were brought to Anteiku so that you could explore those opportunities. It's a chance not many of us ghouls have growing up, you know that as well as I do. You don't need to prove yourself fighting battles that can't be won.”

Touka turns away, her arms wrapped around her waist. “Sure,” her frown deepens. “I just feel so…” Her words trail off into a defeated silence.

“It'll pass, you'll see.” Irimi pats her head and with that, leaves the room, leaving Touka alone with the words offered to her.

It gives Touka little comfort, unable to break free from the misery encompassing her. This day has left her defeated and to see any silver lining past all that has transpired would only add to her bitterness.

Still, she refuses to collapse where she stands and instead, she heads towards her bedroom, lifting her head. It is not resolve driving her forward, or the optimism that things will get better. It is simply what Touka has always done, what she will continue doing, so long as her heart is beating and her legs can carry her; she'll carry on, hoping, desperately, that Kaneki will at least keep his promise visit the cafe soon. He said he would, after all. Maybe then she can convince him to return. Yes, there's always that chance, as pathetic as it makes her feel, clinging hopelessly onto his words like this. Searching beyond that, though, Touka finds some comfort by reminding herself of Hinami and Yoriko, along with all the others at the cafe. It had to be enough, at least for now. If not…she isn't sure how much longer she can tread on this tightrope she has made for herself.

#tokyo ghoul #my writing #touken #kanetou #fanfic #kaneki x touka #angst #kaneki ken #touka kirishima

17 notes · View notes

sword-brainrot · 8 months

Text

Toukentober Day 1: Leader

sword: Hizen Tadahiro contents: angst with happy end word count: 2500K cw: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, PTSD, Scars, Blood, Bad Injury, Mentions of Death

overview: First mission out that Hizen has given the leadership role. An unexpected outcome to the killer's sword but the saniwa put their trust into him, even if he is quite distant from the sage. However, when he arrives back with the first team - things are not what the saniwa had expected and runs to confront Hizen.

“Aruji!! The first team is back!”

Lightning crashed with the thudding rain droplets, the citadel shook as the silhouette of someone in the doorway to the library that the saniwa was currently resting. Their head rose and looked at the poor sword that was drenched from the heavy rain outside. What weather to welcome back the first team, perhaps they should treat them to some cookies for their hard work and make up from the lousy weather. Most of the swords were huddled together somewhere in the citadel staying warm from the bitter cold, yet the swords that just arrived home had to walk through the raged storm. The saniwa closed their book as they sat up in their big chair near the fire, a smile on their face as they looked at Hotarumaru.

“Lovely. Please tell Hizen to see me to give me the overview of the mission when he cleans up. What a shame that on his first mission he is the leader and he has to come back to such miserable weather.” They clicked their tongue slightly with a fond smile on their lips as they rose to put away their book, “Please tell him to take his time. I don’t want to rush him after he worked so hard.”

“Um…” Hotarumaru started only to fall silent. His hands fiddled with one another as he rocked back and forth on his feet. His green eyes stared at the ground, refusing to make eye-contact as he tried to find confidence to start the next sentence.

Immediately, the saniwa paused from putting the book back into the bookcase and looked over at the small Ootachi. This smile fell as the cold air of the storm swooped in and stole their breath away. Even being so close to the fire, it felt as though winter had come early and threatened to freeze them alive in the very spot they stood. They tried to wait patiently for Hotarumaru to continue but it seemed like they weren’t going to be able to do so without further prompting. Their heart raced as they asked: “What is it?”

The firefly sword snapped out of his nervous trance, his body straightening and his arms falling to their side as his grassy green eyes locked with the sage’s. His eyebrows were knitted in concern as he said the words that the saniwa never wanted to hear.

“He was taken to the infirmary. He was badly hurt and-”

Thunder boomed almost as loud as Hotarumaru’s words. The book that almost made it back to its home in the bookcase crashed to the floor as the saniwa sprinted out of the library, not bothering to hear the rest of what Hotarumaru was about to say or to grab a form of protection against the storm. It didn’t matter how the thunder rattled their bones or how the rain pelted their skin as they ran to where Hizen laid. What mattered was that the sword they chose to lead the mission was now badly hurt and the responsibility rested upon their shoulders. It was supposed to be an act of trust from the saniwa to Hizen. He was always so distant and always reduced himself to just being a killer’s sword. He was there to kill and that was it. It didn’t matter that he liked sake, or sweets. It didn’t matter that whenever he killed, he shook from the action of it.

But it mattered to them. Hizen mattered to them.

It was meant to be a simple mission with no killing. They made sure of it. They did their research so Hizen could see that they could lead a group. That he was more than capable of doing more than just killing and he didn’t have to settle to be defined by his past. Why did this happen?

The door rattled as they pushed it open with a rushed and forceful movement. Their body was dripping wet, their cheeks rosy from the cold, and their body shivered from either the cold or the situation that was presented to them. Inside the Infirmary, Hizen laid in the bed as Monoyoshi dabbed at his wounds and wrapped them in clean wrappings. Hizen’s hair had droplets of rain that was mixed in with his red and black locks. His eyes were painfully closed as new wounds littered his body. He was bleeding from everywhere. Any new bandage was quickly colored red. His left eye opened faintly to look at the saniwa, only to painfully shut once more as Monoyoshi dabbed on more medicine to his shoulder where the deepest wound lay. It was already stitched shut but it seemed like needed a bit more disinfection before he could wrap the bandages around it.

“What happened?” A ghost of a voice rose in the quiet room that was drowned in the music of the thudding rain. It was shaky and barely recognizable, but it was surely the saniwa’s voice. When did they speak? Their mind was everywhere, yet only in one place at the same time.

Monoyoshi finished dabbing the ointment on the tender flesh before throwing away the new soiled cotton ball. A normally shining face now only gave the faintest smile as they walked over to the saniwa and brought them to the corner of the room, away from the hurt sword. Hizen’s tired red eyes watched as the duo left him, his eyes trying to focus on them from the bed but quickly his eyelids felt too heavy and closed once more. His breath shaky as he started to drift off ever so slightly.

“He is alright, Aruji. He may not look at it from his wounds but he will make it.” Monoyoshi gently grabbed their forearm and it was only then did the sage realized how much they were shaking. Of course Monoyoshi would comfort them when they look like a leaf threatening to fall off the branch in Autumn. “Hizen was the only one that was hurt in the first team. We were tracking Prince Ōama when suddenly Kebiishi appeared. We were split up at the time but… Hizen told Chiganemaru to find the rest of the team while he ran and held off the Kebiishi. I’m not sure what would have happened to the team if it wasn’t for him but we were able to retreat before anyone broke. I’m sorry to say but we couldn’t meet our mission’s goal…”

“Nonsense. You making it back alive is what truly matters.” They sniffled, bringing their sleeve up to their face to wipe the wet droplets. One great thing about rain is that you can’t tell tears from rain droplets. A heavy sigh left their lungs as he looked at the sleeping figure on the bed. Even so close to breaking, he looked so peaceful. “Monoyoshi, would you mind giving me some time with him? As well as telling Mutsunokami and Nankaitarou about him? I’m sure they will want to rush over to see him.”

“Of course, Aruji.” Monoyoshi gave a small bow before looking over at Hizen. His forced cheery smile left as his brows knitted in concern. “I gave him some medication to help with the pain so he is probably going to be very sleepy for a while as he heals. Please let me know if there is anything I can get the both of you.”

A final smile found its way to his face as he gave the saniwa’s hand a small squeeze of comfort before leaving the room as quiet as he could. With the small rattle of the door closing, they looked over at the sleeping form. His eyes finally were not squeezed shut and looked peaceful. The scowl that normally resided on his face was now replaced with a neutral expression as he drifted into sleep. Their steps were hesitant as they made their way to his bed and to the seat that sat next to it. The heavy blanket to keep him from the cold seemed to hide a good majority of wounds that now painted his body. However, there were still many more shallow cuts on his face and chest. As well as the deep shoulder wound that Monoyoshi was just taking care of. Their eyes gazed at Hizen’s neck, an area of his body that was often covered by bandages. A scar imprinted onto his skin. It surrounded his whole neck. That’s right… Hizen’s previous master was beheaded and now Hizen wears the scar as a reminder. Hizen never talked about his previous master to them or anyone, for that matter. All they knew about them was that they were a killer and had some connection to Ryōma, Mutsunokami’s previous master.

Staring so earnestly at the scar, they failed to notice that Hizen had shifted and began to wake. It was only when his head fell to the side to look at the sage, did they notice. His red eyes were still barely opened and it seemed like he was struggling to even focus his gaze upon who was sitting next to him.

“Stop staring…” He groaned as his eyes fell shut once more and he took a deep breath. “I failed. You can leave.”

A deep-set frown was placed upon their lips as they looked at Hizen’s pained, yet forced sleeping expression. Clearly, he wanted to drop the topic and distance himself even more from the saniwa. He was hurt and was not in the mood. All these things were so clear… But they couldn’t help but speak.

“You came back alive and that is all I wanted.But Hizen, you shouldn’t have faced the Kebiishi all alone. I know you were protecting your team but you could have died. Please, be more careful next time.”

“What use is a sword that can’t kill when ordered to? Should of broke on the battlefield.”

A cold air filled the room. Hizen’s narrow eyes turned to the wall, away from his new master. An unsettling silence settled between the two figures as the saniwa bit their lip, hands clenching at their robes on their lap. Their shoulders shook as they tried to hold back tears from their eyes.

“How could you say that?”

“I’m a killer’s blade. If I can’t kill, I’m better off broken. That is the only use I am good for.”

“That isn’t true!” They screamed, making Hizen flinch in the bed and finally look at them. Their head was lowered as they tried to control their shaking body, taking deep breaths as Hizen watched in shock. He always knew the saniwa who was gentle to all the swords and only strict when giving direct orders in stressful movements. He had never heard their voice become this loud that even the thunder outside couldn’t overpower them.

Their hand shot out and grabbed hold of Hizen’s. His body shuttered slightly from the sudden physical contact and he stared at them frozen. Their head rose to reveal tears threatening to tip over and run down the cheeks as they looked at the sword in the bed. Their hand was firm, yet gentle. Hizen wouldn’t be able to slip from their hold unless he actively tried. Yet, it wasn’t forceful where he felt a lot of pressure. Despite the cold and the shivering of their body, their hand was warm.

“You are alive, Hizen. You can feel my hands holding yours right now, right? You enjoy so many things in the citadel, I see it! I see how much you enjoy sake or sweets I bring home from the market. Why else do you think I always make sure there is something sweet here? Hizen… Your job is no longer assassinating people, I will make sure I never put you in that position. Your job is to protect people. You already proved that you can do that! Today! You took on a powerful foe so you could protect your team like a great leader! Your past doesn’t define you, Hizen. Not anymore if you don’t allow it to. Please… Never talk like that again.”

Their joined hands fell to the soft bedding as the saniwa cried. Their shaking was nearly uncontrollable. Hiccups filled the room and sniffles of trying to catch their breath. What could be said to such words or to make them stop crying? It’s not like Hizen was ever put in such a position before. The drowsiness in his body had begun to fade from the scream. The raising tension in his body lessened and his red eyes focused on their joined hands. He slowly grasped their hand, rubbing his rough thumb over their soft skin. A familiar action that the saniwa once used on him after a night terror. A moment he tried to block out of his mind from how pathetic he thought of himself. Yet, the saniwa said nothing about it. They calmed him down and sat next to him, rubbing their thumb over his hand while holding it. Sometimes even petting his head to lull him into sleep. Even flinching from the physical contact, he enjoyed the soft feeling of it. He never had someone treat a killer so kindly before.

“Sorry.” He muttered softly. So faint that he was sure that the heavy rain outside drowned him out and he would have to repeat himself again, even if he wanted to die from embarrassment from doing so. Luckily, they shook their head softly and their thumb gently rubbed against Hizen’s hand.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Seeing you so hurt and hearing how you feel about the mission really upset me but I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

Another silence fell into the room as the saniwa rested their head against the mattress, exhaustion coming over them from the sobbing and adrenaline rush of the news. The silence was comfortable compared to the one before. Hizen’s hand hesitantly stroked the saniwa’s head, trying to mimic the gesture from the memory yet unconfident in their abilities.

“I will try… to learn how to… l-live another way.”

They looked up at Hizen, making his hand freeze in the air unsure where to put it. Their expression was pure shock as they lifted themself up. Hizen never actively spoke to them and they were accepting that the conversation of the night would have ended at the sorries before they left the room. A soft blush could be seen on his face as he looked down at the blanket that covered his body. Part of the saniwa wanted to ask if he was sure and have a further conversation on it. They knew the sword better than they thought and knew that would only make him more uncomfortable.Instead they smiled, and gently patted his head with him flinching slightly, only to lean into it.

“Thank you, Hizen. I will be by your side as you try to learn to enjoy life another way. We will go at your pace, I promise.”

45 notes · View notes

hakucho-art · 2 years

Text

Anybody ordered some angst?

#tg #tokyo ghoul #ken kaneki #touken #touka kirishima #kanetou #i actually also finished that yesterday #But I didn’t wanna throw angst right after that sweet reception of the Touka art BDFHWJVFH #also fun fact #The stranger things soundtrack inspired me to draw this #Specifically when hopper and joyce revive will on the other side per cpr #Listened to it on loop while drawing lmaooo #Love it when music inspires my art #haku's art

123 notes · View notes

bluechisk · 1 year

Text

#touken ranbu #tkrb #yamanbagiri kunihiro #first drawing of 2023 #woohoo #starting the year with some angst (?)#chisksart

24 notes · View notes

alice-m00n · 1 year

Text

He smiled at her with sincerity as she stared back at him in disbelief and hurt, “I’ll see you later, Touka-chan.”

When he first left her behind all those years ago, he didn’t intend to be cruel to her by excluding her. It’s just…He wanted to keep her to enjoy the ‘peaceful’ life, studying at school and hanging out with Yoriko-chan. He didn’t want her to have to sacrifice that just to follow him. He wanted her to be safe and out of the CCG’s sight.

He had every intention of coming back at the start.

But as his sins piled on and the target on his back became larger. Things became…difficult.

He didn’t think that he had a right to go back to Anteiku, back to her.

~~~

His sentiment from back then still remains true even now. He wanted the people precious to him to be safe. Even if he didn’t make it out with them.

He knows she’s here.

How could she just stand back when Ayato-kun, Yomo-san and everyone else were here? When Hinami-chan was at death’s door?

Arima-san moved closer to them. Within an instant, he attacked!

No warning huh!

He could barely block the heavy blow; it’s not the time to get caught up in the past. There’s a lot on the line right now. With not much time left.

“Ayato-kun! It’s the “outlet at the bottom”, right?!” Ayato’s eyes widened in realization. “I’ll let you handle it!”

Ayato and the other quickly rushed out, but he could still feel someone’s gaze on him. Even then, he dared not to look back.

Even though it’s been years since he’s been fully Kaneki Ken.

Even though it’s been an even longer time since they met on the bridge.

Even now, he couldn’t bring himself to face her.

“Kaneki!”

His body flinched at the sound of her voice.

His eyes widened.

With a sweet smile, she said, “Kaneki, I’ll see you later, ok?”

In that instant, he felt his fingers tremble and his resolve crumble. In that instant, he thought about living. He thought about abandoning his plan to become a sacrificial pawn for Yomo-san’s sake, for Hinami-chan’s sake, for everyone’s sake.

But then he forced himself to look forward, clenching his teeth.

(Don’t look back.

Don’t look at her.)

He needs to look forward, at the obstacle in front of him, at Arima-san, at his future. He knows-He knows what he’s supposed to do! And yet…

He’s facing forward. His neck locked in place so he doesn’t dare twist it around. His eyes continued to look forward. He’s concentrating on keeping his vision clear, but something’s getting in the way. He could feel the liquid bead down the side of his face.

“That’s cruel of you, Touka-chan.”

Because he can’t keep that promise.

(Even if a small part of him wants to.)

#toukenweek2022 #Day 2 #touken #let's have some angst #kirishima touka #kaneki ken #kanetou #My writing #drabble

28 notes · View notes

katsuhagil-world · 1 year

Text

commission

my friend asked me to draw this

LIKE WTF IS THIS GURL??

im so sorry kara-chan, but i have to 😭😭

#angst #im cryinggg #touken ranbu #ookurikara #touken danshi #saniwa #touken danshi x saniwa #digital commisions #commission #commission work #ookurikara x saniwa

15 notes · View notes

wolfofcelestia · 9 months

Text

Title: Where Ghosts and Demons Gather

Status: Completed. 8k words, 3 chapters + bonus chapter Rating: Mature Tags:

Series: This is the 4th side story of the HFL series. It can be read on its own but knowledge of the HFL lore improves understanding.

Summary:

Nikkari finds Saniwa Hazuki in the clutches of her inner demons. To cheer her up, he offers himself fully to her.

They both toe the line between their comfortable master/sword relationship and something more vulnerable, neither daring to cross it first out of fear they would lose the other.

She is a kind and gentle saniwa, but seems a little too naive on the outside. After a deeper conversation with her, Nikkari soon comes to wonder if the hidden demons lurking under her skin would one day transform her into someone who should be feared.

Snippet: (cw: graphic)

“Since I have all of you to help me make decisions, that would never happen, right?”

He simply grinned at her. This was truly her first war.

“We come from all sorts of backgrounds, but a blade of war will always be a blade of war.”

And a blade of war yearns for blood. If a sword desired to experience the sights, sounds, and smells of battle again, basking in the chaotic world of flames, screams, and carnage would be as simple as whispering into the ear of their dear, novice commander.

A blade of war can only hold in its urges for so long. The urge to sink into a warm body, lose himself in it, and thoroughly eviscerate it.

Nikkari was lucky. He had Hazuki to temper his needs. But she only took the edge off. There was no replacement for severing a head from a body, driving his blade deep inside a torso, or pulling his blood-covered steel out of a decimated corpse, with bits of organs slopping off his blade.

#touken ranbu #nikkari aoe #nikkarisani #me: I need to write more fluff without any blood or angst #also me: hey everyone meet hazuki's bloodthirsty dead not-boyfriend who never got a chance to tell her how he really felt #this thing was never under my control and they ended up fucking in every chapter #i blame nikkari #hfl citadel

0 notes

seneca-milestone17 · 2 years

Text

So my dumb ass self decided to read some TKRB fic on ao3 last night and got myself spoiled on Hiden mikanba

Then I looked at some TouSute details on pixiv (because I really never learned my lesson) and got spoiled on Iden manba there too

My curiosity is killing me and I need more deets on that Iden manba (...please pm me if possible?)

#touken ranbu #tousute thoughts #my dumb self being spoiler-magnet #I Need To Know #no thoughts head empty #just me trying not to angst on mikanba

0 notes

goldenteaset · 10 months

Text

I tried to make up for lost time this @justleaveacommentfest and wound up with 12 total comments! I mostly followed the themes and discovered a lot of tropes I didn't know I liked. :D

I would say "the following fics are the highlights" but I'm pretty sure these are all the fics, oh well. Many different ratings and pairings ahoy! I was in the mood for angst this week, but there's ultimately a lot of variety here.

All the Time in the World by rabbit print. Trigun Gen from 2002. Rated T. "Spoilers up to and including the last episodes of Trigun. Legato reflects during his confrontation with Vash."

"I am, I am not" by TheHangedMan. Granblue Fantasy, Rated T. Heartbreaking pre-canon Belial/Lucilius from Lucifer's POV. "Lucifer was not a poem."

May this Honmaru stand forever by whoayaknow. Rated M. Touken Ranbu vent fic in light of the Global server shutdown. "to fallen warriors in our cozy mass grave: the fight is over! we won!"

losing myself to find you [and me] by SetsunaMew. Trigun, rated M. Legato/Knives. Dense and beautiful experimental post-series fic. "Decades upon decades upon centuries pass, and Legato finally returns the gift of salvation."

Stars over the Caldera by may10baby. Trigun Stampede, Knives/Vash, rated E. Dragon AU (! Where has this been all my life?) with some delicious worldbuilding and setting descriptions almost hotter than the sex (YMMV). "Vash has finally started his heat, and Knives is 100% ready to give his little brother a nest full of eggs."

Overshadowed by CrimsonShades. Granblue Fantasy, not rated. Belial & Lucifer. "AU where Belial goes to kill Lucifer by himself." I laughed through a broken heart with this one.

Guardian and the Hound by Mlokosewitschii. Trigun Stampede, rated T. Knives/Vash, Fairy Tale AU. Lots of Gaelic, and a cool Fantasy take on No Man's Land. "He was wise, but young. The villagers never questioned it."

Swallowing Poison by rosecake. Crimson Peak, rated M. Lucille/Edith. Warning for dubcon! Lucille poisons Edith some more, and boy does she ever enjoy it (and so did I). "Everything in Crimson Peak belonged to Lucille, Edith included, whether she was alive or buried in the cold ground."

A Sword's Duty by WolfofCelestia. Touken Ranbu, not rated. Horror. The only WIP this time (;_;), a story of a Citadel whose time has nearly run out and the food they procure.

#just leave a comment fest #fic recs #trigun #granblue fantasy #touken ranbu #belifaa #millionsummers #plantcest #lucille x edith #crimson peak #legato bluesummers #vash the stampede #belial gbf #lucifer gbf #lucilius #lucille sharpe #edith cushing

34 notes · View notes

mamuzzy · 5 months

Text

「 ✦Requests & Asks✦ 」

✦ I take requests through asks! I draw and write, and depending on what clicks, I respond with either or both. I love having discussions about fandom topics and headcanons too! Occasionally I do prompt challenges, but after two tries, it turned out I’m too slow for these to deliver. Still, if you have prompt lines for me to put these little guys into situations, don’t hesitate to send me! Learning from the past attempts to answer these asks, I try to keep the artworks simple from now on. For more, check my other stuff -> HERE 「 ✦ Request for Star Wars! ✦ 」

✦ 501st in general ✦ Coruscant Guard in general ✦ Republic Commando ✦ The Bad Batch ✦ CLONES. CLONES. CLONES. ✦ GIVE ME THE CLONES, GIVE ME THE CLONES, I’LL RATHER BE DEAD THAN CLONELESS IN HEAD GIVE ME THE CLOOOOOONES ✦ My OC’s ✦ Your OC’s

For Ship ART/FIC

✦ I don't have specific OTP, I love every ship with potential. ✦ Currently I have brainrot for Fox x Fives, Ordo x Maze, Tech x Echo, and Fives x Deadshot (my OC). ✦ Clone x Clone (Cloneship) ✦ Clone x Canon Natborn ✦ Clone x OC!Natborn ✦ Clone OC x Clone OC ✦ As long as it has clone in it, I’m fine ✦ Merfolk!AU ✦ Winged!AU ✦ A/B/O AU ✦ I’m up for AUs in general ✦I don’t do xReader but I can come up with an OC of your preferred gender, affiliation, occupation etc. ✦ I won't do explicit stuff for minors.

✦I love silly, unhinged ideas, memes, cute fluff, angst and agony, hurt/comfort, romance or just brothers-in-arms, but I’m generally up for everything.

「 ✦Requests for Touken Ranbu✦ 」

✦ Touken-side of tumblr is quite dead and this is not my current fixation but occasionally reemerges from the deepest hells of my brain. ✦ I have three very specific self-created AU for these guys. Futuristic cyberpunk empire AU where the boys are more like humans with special abilities tied to their swords. They are immortals and capable of magic I hc them to have. The main characters are Kasen, Nikkari, Souza and Hachisuka. No one is mentally sane here. ✦ Doll!AU. The swords are android-like, man-made creatures with consciousness ✦ A post-apocalyptic citadel setting, swords doing damage control in the present-time. I have OC!Saniwa(s) for this. ✦ But I’m up for anything, I love Hanamaru feel-good shenanigans, the drama from tousute, and Katsugeki-like badassness as well. I have specific characters and ships I like to draw.

Characters I like to work with:

✦Kasen Kanesada ✦ Izuminokami Kanesada ✦ ✦Nikkari Aoe ✦ Juzumaru Tsunetsugu ✦ ✦Souza Samonji ✦ Kousetsu Samonji ✦ Sayo Samonji ✦Yamabushi Kunihiro ✦ Yamanbagiri Kunihiro ✦ Horikawa Kunihiro ✦Hakata Toushirou ✦ Yagen Toushirou ✦ Atsushi Toushirou ✦ Akita Toushirou ✦ Gokotai ✦Mikazuki Munechika

Ships

✦ELEG4NT: Kasen Kanesada, Nikkari Aoe, Souza Samonji, Hachisuka Kotetsu → Romantic or friendship shenanigans, poly, 3some, pairs, I LOVE THESE BOYS TOGETHER SO MUCH ✦Kasen Kanesada x Yamanbagiri Kunihiro ✦Horikawa Kunihiro x Izuminokami Kanesada (Writing the name first usually does not indicate dominant role for me but in their case Horikawa is TOP. Period. It’s the law. The Universe told me.) ✦Juzumaru Tsunetsugu x Nikkari Aoe ✦Kousetsu Samonji x Yamabushi Kunihiro ✦Kousetsu Samonji x Souza Samonji ✦Nankaitarou Chouson x Hizen Tadahiro ✦Doudanuki Masakuni x Honebami Toushirou ✦I don't do xReader, I have my own Saniwa OCs. ✦I won't do explicit stuff for minors.

My ask box is always open! :)

#cloneship #cloneshipping #clonecest #mamuzzy draws stuff #mamuzzy writes stuff #the clone wars #star wars #republic commando #touken ranbu #刀剣乱舞

8 notes · View notes

shadowsphere · 1 year

Note

Can I request angst! Kishou Arima x reader with a happy ending?

🔮Side by Side ⎯ K. Arima

☽ Featuring: Kishou Arima x gn! Reader

☽ Request? ✓ I scrolled and saw this was in my drafts. Completely forgot. I'm so sorry!!

☽ Includes: angst, fluffy, character death, happy but sad ending, ghouls vs reapers, opposites attract???, enemies to lovers??,, afterlife, Ken Kaneki, wishing for death mention, gn reader, minor trans characters, ftm transition mentioned, inside joke, slow burn, unnecessary background, fearing arima, canon touken, ayato helps train you, owl suppression operation, slow ghoul identity finding, multiple skips around bc it wouldve been longer if i didnt, both of you like each other but dont get together, one adorable kiss, reader jumping into kishou's arms, fighting with ccg, winning but at what cost, One-Eyed King, unrealistic fight but its cool to think about, loosely based off a scene in naruto, not even dialogue bc i suck at it, hand holding but not really, reincarnation????

☽ Synopsis: You were both supposed to grow old together, yet here you two are, wasting away on the battlefield, revenge for who you two were.

☽ A/n: I included a trans character just so that I can get some practice in writing for a trans character. I hope that's okay. Also, please don't be afraid to recommend trans! reader stories as well as male! reader stories, I want to gain experience writing them.

🔮┊🔮┊🔮 ≛ ☽

This wasn't supposed to happen.

This war should have ended before it started, but that could be wishful thinking. This was bound to happen, it was the fine print of your jobs. Perhaps you two were just too selfish and the universe noticed. Maybe these were your punishments for all the things you've done.

Maybe it was just a nightmare. A really long nightmare that neither of you could wake up from. Anything was better than real life at this moment, and you two were forced to watch each other. Forced to manage the pain each was going through.

This wasn't punishment. It was torture.

But let's start from the beginning.

Kishou Arima, CCG's Reaper. Despite his job being to kill ghouls, he was on their side. He even took up a secret identity to fight alongside ghouls. Something he's regretting in his current timeline.

Y/n, a newly turned ghoul. You were constantly afraid of what you could do to others who didn't deserve to be attacked. But you cared less about attacking people who deserved it but were still scared of fear of getting tortured by investigators.

Before we get into how you met, let's get deeper into your story.

You hung out with Ken Kaneki a lot, you both were baby ghouls. You gave each other a lot of strength, both constantly going through the shock and hatred of what's happened to yourselves. Unlike Kaneki, you didn't know when or who turned you into a ghoul, you just remember one day getting worrying thoughts and urges.

You and Kaneki met when he was on a mission to kill ghouls in the area. He had stumbled across you while you were curled into a ball, noticeably crying. When Kaneki reached out to touch the shaking person in front of him, you flinched away and looked up at him with frightened eyes. The way you looked at the time made

Kaneki feel like they were a victim attacked by a ghoul that got away.

This leads to a weird dynamic between the two. Kaneki would take care of you, while you constantly pushed him away. You didn't want to hurt the person keeping you safe and would rather Kaneki forgot about you and left. But Kaneki was too nice.

You tried to run away multiple times.

The moment you learned that Kaneki was an investigator, you feared the moment he would find out what you were. You didn't want Kaneki to hate you for never mentioning that you were a ghoul. Plus you were conflicted with yourself. You constantly cursed the universe for letting this happen to you and wished for someone to kill you, yet feared being killed by an investigator.

Maybe this was the first act of selfishness. They need to be alive but want to be dead.

Kaneki did find out about you being a ghoul of course. He again was on a mission. He had heard that there was a ghoul out of control, eating and attacking any humans they would see. Kaneki knew these to be signs of either a newly turned ghoul or a ghoul who fought against their urges. Kaneki always hated killing those types, but they were dangerous to the world, and they needed to die.

It was deja vu.

He went through an alleyway. He immediately recognized you. But he didn't focus on that long. He noticed a lot of blood on you and your clothes. It looked like you were dunked overhead with blood. Behind you, he saw a pile of bodies and instantly connected the dots. He hoped it wasn't what it looked like, but from the tears on your face and the flesh around your mouth, he knew you did this.

"Y/n.." The sad tone in his voice made the tears fall. You crouched down and started crying into your knees, the scene reminding him of when you first met. The gut-wrenching screams of regret and hatred were loud, causing even more hesitation in Kaneki. He understood why you two met the way you did. You were scared of yourself and crying. He understood you pushing him away, you were protecting him.

This one time. This one ghoul. You broke him. He could kill any ghoul without a second thought. But because he knew you, because he knew you weren't dangerous and that you didn't want to be, he couldn't kill you.

Kaneki walked to you and crouched down, engulfing you in the tightest hug that you could muster. He felt you immediately grab hold of him and cry harder. Maybe out of disbelief that he's hugging you. Kaneki's eyes were focusing hard on the dead bodies in front of him now that he was looking over your shoulder. The bodies ranged from kids to old people.

None of them were completely finished. Kaneki's hand went up to the back of your head and pushed you against his shoulder. He didn't know, but he could guess that you tried so hard to stop yourself from completely killing them, but the urges got the better of you. Kaneki looked at your still crying form, deciding that he could lie this one time.

After this event, Kaneki allowed you to meet the Kirishima siblings. He had explained to you that they helped him control his urges as much as possible because he was exactly like you, he didn't want to eat human flesh. Hearing that not only was Kaneki a ghoul, but he also used to be in the same position as you. This gave you the confidence to trust the Kirishima siblings.

It's been 15 years since.

Even though some people get over being a ghoul in a few years, you were just now getting to the point where you were okay with it. It's mainly due to the fact that you had to work through the trauma of the screams of kids and families. Every day, you were plagued with those images, finding it hard to move on when you took their lives just because you were hungry. You still have the guilt, but you've constantly been going to their graves and paying your respects. You were the colors and mask of a swan, but unlike the animal, you repelled others.

Maybe it was the uncertainty you gave everyone who didn't know you. Your uncertainty increased oddly enough, not because you were displeased with who you were, but because you didn't know what type of ghoul you were. Ayato Kirishima would constantly say that you're possibly a Ukaku like him, but there was no evidence to prove that.

Still, you trained just in case.

However, you and Kaneki stopped hanging around each other for some time. It was rare for you to see him and if you did, he would instantly leave. At first, you were completely confused as to why and no one wanted to tell you what was happening. But you ended up getting over it due to how busy you were getting as well.

You spent a lot of time with the Kirishima siblings, especially Touka, who you realized had a bit of a schoolgirl crush on Kaneki. She and you grew close due to your relationships with Kaneki and would always be found laughing together. On some days, you both would get together to mutually worry about Kaneki.

Today was the same thing.

You were helping Touka out at the Anetiku, a routine you were used to doing after training. You were a stand-in waitress, and currently, you served a middle-aged man and his teenager, your last customers. The teenager seemed to have a mixture of interests from what you could tell. They had hair that was split but in an oddly satisfying way. Their hair was black on one side but dyed multiple colors on the other.

Their clothes were the same. They had on black pants but a very colorful top. Their accessories were a mixture of black and colorful. You could tell that the teenager was going through a self-discovery of who they were and what they liked. Any time you went to their table for their orders, you would unconsciously catch some parts of their conversation.

Something you felt very guilty about and tried hard to block out so that you weren't imploring on a sensitive topic.

You caught sentences like "I don't know who I am yet", "Dad how did you make your transition from female to male confidently", and "I don't even know if I want to transition." You were able to work out that the teenager was transgender and was seeking reassurance from their father, who went through the same process.

You hoped that at the end of their journey, they would be happy with what they decided on who they should be. You went through the same process of accepting who you were and it wasn't easy, so you hoped they had a good support system. You knew the duo knew you heard their conversation, but since you showed no ignorant reaction, they felt comfortable.

When they two got up to leave, they gave you a smile. You smiled back, wishing that you could've done something in order to show how supportive you were but didn't want to be too pushy. Touka noticed the interaction and looked at you, her voice teasing despite the monotone. "You look like they offered for you to join their family."

The sentence caused you to immediately laugh. "Is that what that looked like?" You were laughing hard, amusing Touka with the wheezing escaping you. She lived to make you wheeze, and you always delivered.

"I hear wheezing, and I know it's not the teapot." You and Touka looked to the entrance and saw Kaneki walking in, a smile on his face. He was followed behind by another person. This person was completely covered. You couldn't even see a small amount of skin. The person was making sure that no one could identify who they were.

Your eyes went from the mysterious to Kaneki who was smiling at you. You rolled your eyes playfully, "The first thing you do is make fun of me after ten thousand years of not seeing you." Touka covered her smile with her hand, finding it amusing how you exaggerated sometimes. Touka walked to Kaneki and hugged him. The hug was awkward, only because they both liked each other but didn't want to mention it to one another.

You couldn't see Touka's face, but you could see Kaneki's, and the blush on his face amused you. You watched as they hugged, completely forgetting that they aren't alone. A sound came from the mysterious person that came with Kaneki. He had cleared his throat, feeling awkward about what he was forced to witness. Kaneki and Touka pushed each other away, unable to look each other in the eyes now.

You snorted automatically and immediately covered your nose, expecting Kaneki to mention it. He didn't disappoint. The moment the sound came from you, he looked at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. "You better not." "Better not what piggy?" You glared at Kaneki and he only shrugged, but you knew he wasn't done. Not with how he was smirking at you.

"Though, I'm surprised I didn't have to bribe you for you to oink for me like I usually do." The immediate laugh that sentence got out of you made Kaneki cocky. He knew how much you loved any mention of any inside jokes you have with each other.

This inside joke was made when you two were extremely sleep-deprived at three am but still hung out. You two didn't understand how y'all got there, but you two started to talk about turns on and turn-offs. The conversation led to both of you snorting out of laughter at the ridiculous things you were saying, but Kaneki took the award for the most outrageous sentences said. "Imagine if your partner asked you to oink for them because it turned them on."

Safe to say that it made your life so much better after that.

Kaneki walked behind the counter and hugged you quickly then let you go. You wanted to make a joke about him hugging you like he didn't want to, yet held on to Touka so much longer, but you knew that would make them awkward. So instead, you just pinched his side and focused on making sure that no other customers were getting ready to come in.

With Kaneki here, that meant he found something out.

Touka went to the bathroom and knocked, trying to see if someone was in there still. Since there weren't any sounds from the bathroom, Touka gave you a thumbs-up. You went to the door and locked it. You closed the blinds on one side of the room, while Touka closed the blinds on the other.

You two finished making sure no one could see or hear inside the cafe. Then you went to go sit at a booth, Touka going over to make drinks and food for everyone. Kaneki and his guest sat across from you, and while you three waited, the conversation started.

"Kishou-sama, you can take everything off now. You're safe here. No one is gonna report you." Kaneki addressed the man next to him and smiled. The person next to Kaneki started to remove his clothing. First, he started with his white gloves, revealing the bony but veiny hands he had. His fingers were long but elegant. After, the large, bulky coat he had on came off next. He had on a white coat, which you found weird because that makes him unnecessarily hot.

But now you could see the black shirt he had underneath the coat. Then the white scarf around his neck came off, revealing that the black shirt was actually a turtleneck. Then he moved on to the mask that completely covered his face. The moment he took it off you were surprised to see a face that you only saw in photos.

His hand went up to push his glasses up his nose as he got comfortable. He had put all the articles of clothing onto the ground, clearing up space for everyone to be comfortable. You didn't show a visual reaction, you felt it would've been rude if you did. Instead, you panicked in your head. You didn't understand why a well-known investigator was buddy-buddy with a ghoul.

His gray, visibly bored eyes landed on you. It was like he could sense that you were panicking. He showed no reaction, he just nodded his head in greeting and then looked back at Kaneki.

When Touka came back and put the drinks and food on the table and got settled in, the meeting started. Kaneki and Kishou explained the reason for their visit and how Touka and you needed to inform all the ghouls you possibly could. The CCG was planning an attack and everyone needed to be ready.

Maybe you should've known Kishou would become a prominent figure in your life after that.

Kaneki would start to come back around, he said he was getting ready for the amount of fighting there would be. You were unsure about that, still unsure of your ghoul type. Along with Kaneki, Kishou also started to come around a lot. He couldn't come as much as Kaneki because he couldn't let his identity be found out, but he still would.

His attitude towards you and Touka never changed. He stayed professional and distant. It was understandable though, he couldn't get close, and it could ruin everything he worked for. Touka started to tease you about Kishou though. Maybe your lingering gazes of fear could be seen as gazes of attraction.

It wasn't like Arima wasn't attractive, you were just too plagued with the fear that one day he's gonna kill everyone. No matter how many times Kaneki said "He regrets killing the ghouls he killed. He's on our side", you couldn't fully believe that.

But the universe was funny. It gives you something just to take it away.

Ayato had told you that he couldn't help you train one day. He was too busy trying to prepare with everyone in the Aogiri Tree. He needed to make sure that everything was okay, but he wouldn't allow you to train alone. He mentioned that someone would help you train, but didn't say who.

It was a good thing he didn't say. You wouldn't have gone if he did. You remember entering your training room and seeing Kishou sitting down. He was peaceful. When you got closer, you noticed that his eyes were closed. You looked towards the door, thinking of skipping out on training this one time, but he noticed.

"Oh. You're here." His smooth but cold voice made you scared. You watched as he stood up to his full height. "I was told to help train you. You don't know what kind of ghoul you are right? Kirishima said that you could be a Ukaku." You just nodded along, looking at the exit. You knew that you wouldn't make it if you run, but the thought was tempting.

Kishou started to take off his white coat, something you noticed he always wore. He folded it and put it on the ground neatly far from you. He started to roll up the sleeves of his turtle neck.

Was it too late to run? He looked as if he could easily take you out. But still, you reluctantly got ready to train. Usually, you were confident and aggressive, but now you were timid. Kishou knew it was because you feared him as an investigator, halfway through the training session, he stood up straight.

He let out a sigh. "We won't get anywhere if you continue to fear me. If I wanted to kill you, I would've already done it. But we don't have time for you to be acting like this. So, either get over your fear or live in fear and die."

You weren't mad. You weren't even sad. What he said was completely valid. You were putting yourself at risk of dying just because you fear him. Plus training with an actual investigator would teach you what you need to know. Instead of losing fear, you used your fear of him for good.

When you two started training again, he noticed how intense you were and could only nod his head in approval. He was better than you, but you were still learning a lot.

It became a ritual.

You two would train together since Ayato was constantly busy. Especially now that Kishou has revealed the name of the operation, Owl Suppression Operation, and the full details of what the operation was. You were getting no closer to discovering your ghoul identity. You showed constant frustration with this, even though everyone repeatedly said to be patient and to wait.

You just felt useless. Again, the universe is cruel. In your time of feeling like you were a burden, Kishou was there for you. He would enter Anteiku and awkwardly ask you to sit with him. At first, you would look at him weirdly and decline. It seemed that when you declined, he would let out a breath of relief and get up to leave.

By that, you knew he was set up by someone to give you company against his will. But the sight of him being happy to not deal with you rubbed you the wrong way, even though you knew he would act the same to everyone else. So, you started to accept his invitations.

You would instantly regret the decision once you two were surrounded by awkwardness. He was distantly cold, and you hated that. So after ten minutes, you would get up and go back to work. Every time, you saw how he would be less tensed up. Maybe he just genuinely hated interaction that couldn't be calculated or controlled by him.

But an odd thing started to happen.

His silent and distant company did wonders. You started to feel more comfortable with him. His behavior was a break from everyone constantly questioning you or reassuring you. He was content, well kind of, with letting you sit down and didn't bother bringing up anything you worried about.

Maybe this was where the universe noticed that it made a mistake. You didn't know when, or how, but you craved Kishou's company over anyone else's. Instead of him asking you to sit with him, you started to ask him to keep you company. Of course, it threw him off. He was surprised you wanted to stay around him, but he allowed it, deciding that it wasn't that bad. Plus your presence was barely there.

What a lie that was.

You started to talk. He remembers being deep in thought, wondering how the plan against the CCG would work when you started talking. "Kishou, when did you find out your type?" Kishou was caught off guard, but it didn't show. He looked at you, noticing how interested you were. He also knew this probably had something to do with ghoul types.

He cleared his throat, keeping eye contact with you. "I don't know. It just happened." He noticed how your head hit the table, making a thud. You groaned out in frustration, sick and tired of being uncertain. "I noticed that you were a swan mask usually. Shouldn't that help you figure out what you should possibly go for?" Your mouth opened in surprise. Why didn't you think of that?

"Kishou, you're a genius. Swans have wings, and Ukaku has wings. Is that why Ayato was always saying I would be an Ukaku?" His mouth lifted up into a tiny smile, amused that you were making what he said seem like it was philosophical. "How do I become an Ukaku?" "You can't control what you become, it just happens. Maybe that's why you haven't found out what you are. You've been trying too hard to do it yourself and not let the Rc cells do their job."

Something that would never change, is how much you hate that Kishou is almost never wrong. He never fails to give a realistic answer and make you realize that you're just being an idiot for never figuring it out yourself. You know he never means to do that, but he always gives such simple explanations and you curse yourself for struggling to figure that out.

Due to that, and the date of the operation getting closer and closer, you stopped focusing on your ghoul type and started focusing on other things. Like you staring at Kishou too long. Touka and Kaneki team up to tease you about it, but you can't help it. His hair oddly complimented his pale skin. It was entrancing to see and made him look ethereal.

Sometimes you wanted to see how he would look with his hair pushed back, but that was the only thing that really held your attention. His hair was pretty and that really was it, no matter what Touka and Kaneki said.

Kishou wasn't stupid. He noticed how you looked at him. But he also could read the signs, knowing you weren't attracted to him. So he just let you be. Though, he couldn't help but get a little happy whenever you celebrated getting a tiny victory over him. It surprisingly caused him a lot less stress than you being worried over anything.

Maybe Kishou only noticed your staring because he stared as well.

He found it interesting how you would make weird sounds whenever you laughed or when you lost balance due to laughing too hard. He was amused with your questions about him, sometimes the questioning not making sense. They varied from "Do you ever wonder if you're getting old? You know, with your hair being white." to "How come you have different Kagune's like Kaneki? Are you two related?"

It was weird how many times you asked about the connection between him and Kaneki. Your reason was mainly that they both had too many similarities. You would accuse them of being long-lost brothers despite them proving that they had no connection to each other.

That's when he should've realized.

He was so focused on everything and everyone else, that he couldn't see his own growing feelings. He should've noticed that his guard was being let down. He let out laughs and smiles more in your company, yet he didn't realize that. He got too caught up and realized when it was too late.

Maybe it was punishment for taking too long.

Soon you both started being weird. You would stop hanging around Kishou, finding it awkward. No, awkward isn't the right word, you found it rude. Kishou was helping you anytime he could, and here you were gaining feelings. Slowly, but surely. It was immediately noticed.

Ayato first noticed it, but only because you allowed him to. He remembers being at the Anteiku and eating when you suddenly sat down across from him. He saw how nervous and desperate you seemed and sighed, knowing you weren't gonna let him decline anything you asked. "Come back to training me please."

Ayato nodded instantly, which shocked you. He noticed the shock and only shrugged "I don't feel like hearing you constantly whine. But why do you want me to do it? You were perfectly fine with Arima weren't you?" He notice you flinch at the sound of the name and rolled his eyes. He knew what this meant. He had to deal with it when Kaneki first realized he liked Touka.

"I don't want to know." Ayato stood up, completely losing his appetite. He didn't need to or have to deal with any more people being into each other, but not making any moves.

You would've been hurt if he didn't just grant your wish. He could be grumpy all he wants, he gave you what you want.

The next person to realize what was happening was Touka. Every time Kaneki and Kishou would come into the cafe, suddenly you were ducked behind the counter and asking her not to expose you. There were multiple times when she almost did, but she was a good friend. Though as for revenge for making her hide you, she would find multiple reasons to say Kishou's name when you least expected it.

You would be taking orders and here comes Touka. She would whisper in your ear, making it seem like she's telling you something about the cafe in front of the customers but really she's just saying "Kishou was breathing earlier." Yes, she made sure that it never made sense. She just loved to see you in the same situation you made fun of her and Kaneki for.

Speaking of Kaneki, he didn't notice your behavior. Either he was too busy to notice or he was too focused on Touka. However, you guessed Touka revealed to him your steadily growing feelings for Kishou. At first, Kaneki didn't believe her, but he was instantly convinced.

There was another meeting being held, this time all of the Aogiri Tree members were present. The discussion was being held about any final adjustments to be made. However, Kaneki noticed how your eyes kept drifting to a highly focused Kishou. He watched as your eyes traveled from his hair to his hands, the process of getting there being stopped occasionally by you getting distracted by his other features.

However, he also noticed something no one else could see. He saw how Kishou was tense. He was always tense, but never this much. Kaneki instantly knew that Kishou knew that you were looking at him. But he didn't seem tense because he disliked it. Kishou was known for being honest and blunt about what he didn't like, and this would be no different.

Kaneki knew Kishou liked it enough to not tell you to stop. He could only smirk as he came up with a way to tease you. He didn't stall on that either. The moment the meeting was over and everyone went back to where they needed to go, Anteiku was filled with only you, Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato.

You were cleaning up the tables like you were supposed to while Touka threw away the trash. You two just automatically split the chores, something that was learned after months of the same routine. Kaneki didn't care though. He leaned against the table, much to your dismay. "Ken. Get off the table, I'm cleaning." You stuck your tongue out at him as you spoke, but he didn't automatically respond.

Usually, he gave you a witty remark, but he didn't, which worried you more than you cared to admit. Though that care instantly drained when he opened his mouth. "No matter how much you clean, your reflection won't change. It, unfortunately, can't capture the look of hopeless pining." You froze while you cleaned the table. You continued to stare at the table, seeing your reflection wasn't helping.

The Kirishima siblings lost interest in what they were doing and focused on you and Kaneki. This was the first time your noticeable feelings for Kishou were mentioned, and you were obviously taking it bad. "....What are you talking about?" Kaneki stood up straight, noticing your unmoving body. He had two options: poke fun at you or be a nice friend.

For once, he would choose the former.

"After all this time and years of poking fun of me and Touka. Calling it a schoolgirl crush. Now, here you are. Crushing on someone just like a schoolgirl crush." Ayato had covered his mouth, not wanting to let you hear him laughing at you. Your hands were clenched into fists. Kaneki was right. This was your karma for all that you've done.

You sighed, letting your eyes land on Kaneki. He saw the sadness and disbelief in you and could only sigh before patting your head. "Well I can tell you one thing, he's noticed but he doesn't hate it." That caught your attention, but Kaneki only started to walk away. "Wait! Hold on! Come back!" Kaneki only waved at you, leaving like he didn't just drop a bombshell on you.

Well, now you have a lot to think about.

Kishou was thinking a lot around this time as well. He was constantly working but wasn't focused. Something that everyone noticed but decided not to mention for fear of what he might say. His task, with Kaneki, was to sabotage anything that the CCG had prepared for the operation. Currently, he was unable to effectively do it, causing a lot of frustration in his partner in crime.

"Are you that emotionally constipated that you're struggling with your own?" Kishou looked over at Kaneki who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. It was silent between them for a little, Kaneki realizing that Kishou barely understood anything. "Never mind." A big, dramatic sigh escaped Kaneki, but he went back to what he was doing.

Kishou followed suit, not entirely concerned with what was said. Though, he should've been. Maybe he could've stopped a disaster before it even started.

Kishou started to notice that he only ever trained with you now. He couldn't and didn't want to train with anyone else. He didn't understand why. He always gave the excuse of "Sorry, I need someone that's actually challenging" but that wasn't true about you. You were the weakest person he knew, and he didn't gain anything from training with you, but he still declined every invitation.

If you couldn't train, he wouldn't train at all. Kishou noticed this only when many CCG members started to complain openly that he was mocking them. He, of course, showed that he wasn't surprised by this information, but on the inside, it didn't make sense. Why did he train with you but no one else?

Kishou also noticed how he would occasionally look over your body. Before, he used to do it because he needed to asses what you should work on for the session. Now, he has no reason to, especially not in the middle of the session. Yet, he still does it and he knows you know because you would get awfully quiet and wouldn't look him in the eyes. Is he making you feel the way you make him feel when you stare at him? If so, why doesn't he hate that?

Why does he continue to do it, despite knowing how you're gonna react? He would subconsciously tell himself that it was because he enjoyed your reaction, but he wouldn't accept that. It was out of character for him. However, he knew that every time he did it, he would be smirking a little.

He remembers Ayato telling him to admit that he likes you to himself. Ayato sounded extremely tired of everything, and seemingly "Your unawareness that you like Y/n and their inability to completely accept that they like you is stressing me out more than preparations." was the main cause of it. Ayato had started to walk away after that, mumbling that he needed to sleep.

Kishou, weeks after that, continuously contemplated over if he really did like you. He thought he was exempt from experiencing romantic feelings. It was something he was okay with, but having romantic feelings was completely out of his expertise. Luckily, since preparations were coming to a close on both sides, Kishou had time to himself to think about everything.

He finally accepted the reality that he did have some sort of feelings for you, but there was no time for romance, especially on a battlefield. That's what he said, but he sang a different tune two days away from the start of a war.

He had visited the Aogiri Tree for the last time. He was walking around and getting details about any last-minute adjustments made. But his task was interrupted by the scream of his name. "KISHOU!" Kishou turned around and saw you running to him, smiling in absolute delight.

He liked your smile more than he could've thought. These feelings enhanced his attraction to you the more you did normal things like smile or speak. He was fed up with it, but didn't mind it. Kishou bowed at the people he was previously talking to and walked up to you to meet you halfway. Here he goes again, putting you above everyone else instantly.

You didn't stop running. Actually, you ran past him, but grabbed onto his arm and dragged him in the direction of your training room. "I have to show you something really cool!" Usually, he would protest getting pulled like this, but he allowed you.

Again, feelings were weird. Is this why people call it a weakness?

Kishou stayed silent and just accepted his fate. Once you got into the training room, you closed the door and started to push him away from you. Kishou didn't say anything, just watched. As he watched, he watched something incredible happen. Maybe it was just incredible because it was you.

He saw wings start to take form near your shoulders. His mouth dropped in shock. You were taking the form of an Ukaku right in front of his eyes with the happiest smile on your face. Once the wings fully formed, you two made eye contact and he could see happy tears start to form. His face shifted into one of pure happiness for you, his small smile meaning the world to you.

"It finally happened, huh? When did it?" He watched as you floated and spun around the room, gleefully laughing. He stood standing, watching as you finally enjoyed your ghoul identity. "It happened weeks ago, but you weren't here to see. Ayato's been teaching me how to fight as an Ukaku. I was running when I heard you were in the area and I needed to show you!"

Kishou watched as you got back onto the ground and your wings started to disappear. He didn't think anyone could pull off being an Ukaku as beautifully as you. 'But that's biased thinking.' He thought to himself. Kishou watched as your excitement rose again, but he wasn't ready for what you were gonna do.

You jumped onto him, hugging him tightly. He didn't stumble, but he was caught off guard. He just wrapped his arms around you confused and hugged back. You pulled away from the hug slightly and smiled at him, causing nerves to flow through him a little. "Thank you Kishou for telling me something extremely simple that actually helped me. Oh and also for training with me all those months."

Kishou only nodded. He couldn't focus on anything around him or what you were saying. Your eyes shone bright, happiness completely filling them. Your arms were around his neck, holding him like he truly saved your life. But what has his attention the most, was your lips that showed him smiles because he did something right.

Maybe it was okay for a little romance. He could indulge a little in his wants for once. Then after the fight, you two could talk about it more. But would you be okay with that? Ayato's words from weeks ago replay in his head, reminding him that you did in fact like him.

Maybe he should. He would regret it if he didn't.

Without even thinking, Kishou connected your lips. Your eyes widened from the sudden kiss but stayed wide due to the softness of how he was kissing you. Your eyes slowly closed, kissing him just as softly as he was kissing you. The kiss was delicate, representing the feelings you had for each other.

You pulled away from each other. His glasses were a little foggy, causing you to laugh. You took his glasses off his face and wiped them clean with your shirt. Before you put them on his face, you looked at him and admired his beauty without his glasses. For Kishou, all he could see was a blurry image, but he could feel that you were smiling at him.

His clear vision came back as you put them back on his face and your hands went down to his cheek, caressing him as gently as you kissed. The air around you two was a soft blanket of hope.

But that blanket would soon be ripped off of you, exposing you to the harsh and cold reality of the world. Because here you two were on the battlefield. He was appearing as the One-Eyed King, fighting against the most powerful CCG members while you were in the air, fighting against the weaker ones.

Everyone was fighting with their blood, sweat, and tears. Everyone would get back up after getting knocked down repeatedly. But the thunder that struck signaled a change in the war. At first, the ghouls had the upper hand. But then the CCG started to gain it.

All around you were the screams of excruciating pain. Ghouls were falling back to back. Sure the number of ghouls was overpowering, but the numbers were quickly falling. No one understood what was happening, and Kishou was also confused. But still, the fight continued, and the ghouls attack more ferociously than before. They mutually agreed that whatever was taking out the ghouls needed to be taken out fast.

You were fighting effectively in the air, the training with Ayato helping you out. But something went wrong. One of your wings got attacked, but instead of being unharmed, it completely disappeared. You let out a yelp, having only one wing barely keeping you in the air. But that wing also got attacked, disappearing like its pair.

You started falling, and fast.

Kishou was fighting but he kept an eye on you. When he saw you falling to the ground, he overpowered his opponent and ran to you, trying to catch you. It was wishful thinking. The world was too nice, it gave him multiple things in life, but he was sick of it. It now wanted to take instead.

He felt something thrust into his stomach. He looked down and saw a massive hole. He could feel himself start to change back. He looked back to see who attacked him and saw a smug-looking CCG member. The smugness of the member dissolved when Kishou was revealed to be the One-Eyed King. It was placed with betrayal. Kishou didn't have time to deal with this. He needed to catch you.

He just kept running to you. He caught you in his arms, you were curled up in fear. You opened your eyes and saw Kishou holding you and you smiled. He put you on your feet. He wanted to ask about your rings but for now, he would go back to the fight. He tried to change back into the One-Eyed King but he couldn't.

His eyebrows furrowed. But then he realized. The CCG was planning on making weapons that could cancel out a ghoul's RC cells, meaning they couldn't use their abilities anymore. They said it wouldn't get finished in time for this operation, so he stopped worrying about it.

He let his guard down. People were telling the truth feeling were a weakness.

"I can't believe Kishou Arima, our reaper, is on the side of the ghouls. This ghoul here, you care for them." Kishou glared at the CCG member. He could take him even without the RC cells. But what he didn't expect was to hear you scream. Kishou immediately turned around to see you on the ground. He saw that another CCG member had attacked you, making sure that you couldn't use your RC cells either.

He wanted to run towards the member who attacked you, but he was grabbed by another. They held him by his neck, and Kishou could've fought them off, but what he was told made him stop. "If you struggle, they die right in front of your eyes."

Yeah. Feelings and emotions were a weakness.

He was forced to watch you struggle to move, your body not used to not having any RC cells anymore. You were basically a normal human despite the ghoul trait to you. It was definitely causing you to have a small crisis. He saw someone step over him, noticing that the CCG member was smirking at him. They grabbed you by your chin and lifted your face up so that you and Kishou could see each other.

He saw the tears in your eyes, your body in more pain than he could imagine. Kishou was half-human, so his RC cells being taken wasn't a big deal, but it was different for you. "This is your punishment for being a two-faced rat." Kishou's eyes widened. They planned to kill you either way but wanted to take it slowly instead of having to speed it up.

Kishou immediately started struggling, much to the delight of the CCG member holding him. Kishou was wrong though. They weren't planning on killing just you. He found that out while struggling. It was easier to kill Kishou since he was still human. Getting rid of him now would mean they could get rid of a powerful force.

It was instant.

It was like nothing changed. Kishou starts gurgling. The blood was pooling up in his throat as it flowed out from the cut on his throat. He felt the grip of the CCG member loosen and he stumbled forward. He almost fell over while holding his hand to the cut.

He wondered how he looked to you. He wondered how scared and traumatized you were. But he didn't have to wonder, he heard you scream again. He instantly knew they attacked you for good. His vision was blurry, due to the fast blood loss, but he tried to reach out to you. He was dying, but he could save you couldn't he? He's done impossible things before.

He could save you with his last dying breath.

His body didn't agree. The moment he took one step, he immediately fell to the ground. His hearing was leaving him, but he could still hear the sounds of battle. What he couldn't hear was your breathing. They made sure to kill you quickly, but left him suffering. That's what he thought.

He felt a body next to his. He immediately knew it was you, but he couldn't see. He didn't even know how he got here. He must look ridiculous, he was bleeding out but all he cared for was you. He should've stuck to the fact that romance didn't work out. He put too many people in danger and with him losing himself but also you, he cursed himself for letting it get to this point.

You were looking up at the sky, or at least what you thought was the sky. Your hand was on what used to be a stomach, the CCG members had made sure to put a hole big enough through you. It was painful, but you would die faster. It felt weird, you were too used to feeling flesh, but there was nothing. Your eyes closed, and you lost your senses faster than Kishou. You didn't feel when he touched you or when he held your hand. Even he couldn't really feel it.

The universe was cruel, it gave and gave until it took. It took a massive chunk.

No one knew you two were dead on the ground. Everyone was too focused on the fighting. The ghouls felt a weird need to fight hard for some reason. Their fighting allowed them to win. The CCG members had started to retreat and the ghouls celebrated. But the celebration was cut short.

Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato went to go look for you. They wanted to congratulate you on overcoming everything you went through, but they soon realized it wasn't gonna happen.

The trio noticed you first. Kaneki had to cover his mouth so that he didn't throw up at the sight of your body. Touka wasn't bothered by how you looked, but tears were streaming down her face. Ayato wasn't as emotional as them. He was more curious about the person next to you. He crouched down and saw how Kishou looked.

It looked like he got the easier death, but he suffered by living longer than you. His eyes trailed down to your hands and sighed. The feelings you two held were finally accepted, yet accepted too late.

The war was won, but at what cost?

The next months after that, your funeral was being held. Kaneki cried loud and hard, he was on his knees the whole time and no one could lift him up. Touka cried into Ayato's arms, her emotions finally catching up to her. The rest of the ghouls mourned the loss of the One-Eyed King and Ayato? He cried with Touka, but he cried silently. After the service, you two were buried together. The reason being "They couldn't be together when alive, but they can be together eternally in death."

It's been years since you both died. Touka and Kaneki finally got together. Kaneki became the new One-Eyed King. Things were changing, but what never changed was the anniversary of your deaths and how every ghoul would mourn on that day.

Kaneki had decided to get new pets one day. He wanted cats since they could take care of themselves really without him being there. It would get lonely whenever he and Touka were doing separate things. They both spoke about how if the other isn't there, they started to think about you and Kishou.

So to cure that, pets were brought up, specifically cats. Kaneki had wanted to get cats from a shop, but he noticed two that were strays and that got his attention. One was an orange tabby, and the other was a completely white cat. He had brought them home, and even though Touka got angry, she allowed him to keep them as long as they were trained.

Kaneki quickly learned that the white cat didn't really care what happened. He's never seen the cat play with any of the cat toys bought and didn't respond to any affection. Yet, this exact same cat was always behind the orange tabby. It took a protective and possessive stance around the other cat and would hiss whenever Kaneki or Touka got close to the orange tabby.

With the cat's attitude, Kaneki and Touka settled on calling the white cat Ari, a shorter version of Arima. The cat reminded them of Kishou, and even though it brought some tough emotions, it made them happy. It felt like Kishou never left.

The orange tabby was a little shy around random humans, but once it warmed up to people, it would show exactly how chaotic it was. A couple of times, Touka saw the orange tabby run into multiple walls while trying to run away from Kaneki. Kaneki has caught the orange tabby playfully fighting with Ari, who never truly attempted to play with the other, but dealt with it.

Kaneki called the orange tabby Teapot, it reminded him of Y/n and one thing that Kaneki always remembered about Y/n is the teapot laugh they had.

So what if they both died? They obviously resurrected, and found each other again, but also found Kaneki again. That was something Kaneki would constantly tell him so many times, but it helped him grieve. It also didn't help that whenever he had that thought, the Ari and Teapot would come out of nowhere and stare at him.

They never left, and they would never leave.

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul fanfiction #kishou arima #kishou arima x reader #tokyo ghoul x reader #kishou arima fanfiction #kishou arima oneshot #kishou arima fluff #kishou arima angst #tokyo ghoul fluff #tokyo ghoul angst #anime fluff #anime angst #anime oneshot #tokyo ghoul kishou arima #tokyo ghoul x gn reader #kishou arima x gn reader #tokyo ghoul oneshot #quinx squad

55 notes · View notes

harleyquilt · 7 months

Text

Reconciliation (Touken/Kanetou fanfic) [Part 1/2]

Summary: Instead of fighting Arima Kishou, Kaneki decides to escape with Touka, Hinami, and Yomo. But can he really live on, content with the person he has become after all that has happened? With Touka by his side, as well as their friends, maybe he can live on with some semblance of happiness.

Words: 8,619~

Notes: This fic is dedicated to the wonderfully talented and kind @hakucho-art!!!!!!! It took longer than expected but it's finally here! I'll try to add a second part some time soon! It was fun writing this au ^_^. This fic has scenes of violence and PTSD.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaneki collapsed onto his knees, the strength leaving his body. His skin was cold and clammy, his breathing erratic, and he looked up with wide, quivering eyes.

A sharp point pierces his left eye, seamlessly cutting through his flesh and into his brain. He screams, incoherently crying out with immense pain as he feels the loud grating of metal move against his flesh and bone. His body spasms and his kagune erupts from his back in the form of disjointed appendages. They reach forward, desperately grasping the weapon being pushed into his eye, and with an animalistic cry, he pulls the weapon out, his warm blood spilling out from the wound and down his face. He continues to scream, clawing at his face as it continues to burn with endless agony.

Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stopMakeitstopMake it–

He gasped and his eyes shot open. Rolling over on his bed, Kaneki dry heaves a few times, his body trembling. He grasped his throat first and then his face, realising that the wound was nothing more than a figment of his nightmarish imagination.

Wiping away the drool from his lip, he turns back onto his back and stares blankly at the ceiling. He continues to breathe heavily, his chest quickly rising and falling while he takes a moment to recollect his thoughts. He was not locked in any kind of battle, but in a spare room in Yomo's safe house.

He brushes his hair back from his damp forehead and shuts his eyes, taking a slow, deep breath. His body stills and everything is quiet again. There's nothing to be afraid of. There is no wound.

He never did fight Arima in the end, and yet, the fear he had consumed him when he saw the reaper's imposing figure in that large, underground space continues to cling onto him, piercing through his dreamless sleeps with threats of never ending suffering. Worse than the pain, though, was the reminder that he was, in the end, a coward. A coward for running away, for turning his back, and wanting to live. What had urged him to do such a thing, especially after all the sacrifices of his friends and companions. He wasn't sure, even now. All he knew was that he had eventually collapsed in the underground tunnel and was found by Yomo soon afterwards. Had it been up to Kaneki, he would've insisted that he'd be left to die at the hands of the CCG, to be hunted down by the grim reaper and cut down for his cowardly existence. It would've been right, it would've been perfect.

But Kaneki was not going to complain to the man who saved his life at the risk of his own. He was not so selfish to do such a thing to his saviour. Still, it left him feeling hollow most days, mindlessly questioning the reason as to why he was still alive. He could still taste the blood in his mouth - sickeningly delicious and…human. Yomo wasn't the only reason he had survived that day, Kaneki knew. It pained him all the more, but he could not bring himself to think about what had happened. He was afraid that it would be enough to shatter him entirely.

"Coward." Kaneki muttered, twisting the bedsheets around his clenched fists.

There was a knock on the door and Kaneki flinched, Yomo entering the room. "Oh, you're awake?"

Yomo looked as cool and calm as he always did. It seemed nothing could stirr his stoic exterior. That said, Kaneki knew better than to assume that Yomo was not also hurting from Anteiku's fall. It had been his safe haven, just as it had been to all the others who resided there. It used to be his too. He had hoped that it could've been again, had fate not been so cruel as to snatch it away from his empty palms. If only he could have protected it in the end. If only he had not been-

"I'll be going to check on Kirishima and Fuiguchi. Will you be joining me?" Yomo asks and Kaneki's grip relaxes. He looks up, a small light in his grey eyes.

"Would that be alright?" He asks with some hesitation.

Yomo shrugs. "Sure, I don't see why not. They've both wanted to see you the last few days." Yomo pauses for a moment, wavering in the doorway. "How's your stomach?"

Kaneki looks down, his stomach wrapped with bandages. There's been no bleeding from what he could tell, though it has felt bruised since his battle with Amon. And with how 'starved' he's been, as Yomo puts it, his healing has been slow on the uptake. The wound was not as severe as it had been, at the very least.

"It's fine." Kaneki says, pulling aside the covers. "I would also like to see them."

"I'll make some coffee and then we can leave." Yomo nods, closing the door.

Kaneki nods back, lowering his eyes. Would it honestly be alright for him to see them again? To see her?

. . .

Hinami rushed around the living room, carrying wrinkled clothes with one arm and a duster in her other hand. Her cheeks were warm with a mix of excitement and nervousness, her heart fluttering with the thought of seeing Kaneki again. It has been a little over a week since she and Touka left the destroyed remains of Anteiku; Yomo initially took them to a bunker before moving them to a spare apartment he owned, and during this time, he apparently found Kaneki and had him stay in the bunker instead. Yomo has only visited them once since then and he shared minimal information concerning Kaneki’s condition. All the two of them knew was that he was still alive somehow.

Touka had been the one to ask about the others from Anteiku. At the time, it seemed like Yomo was going to leave without sharing any kind of news, perhaps in fear of upsetting them more than they already were. But in the end, he relented and told them that he was not sure of Irimi or Koma’s condition or location. He had heard rumours that Kaneki had saved the two of them in the midst of battle, though he could not be sure until he asked Kaneki himself. As for Yoshimura, he kept silent, signifying his ultimate defeat at the hands of the CCG. Hearing this, Touka lashed out and punched the wall, leaving behind a large crack, before storming back into her room. Hinami remained still, eyes wide and wet with tears, yet none fell in the end. She was simply speechless, dumbfounded even. It was probably something she should have expected, especially after the cafe was destroyed, but it was still a shock to have it confirmed. Touka has remained mellow since, lamenting her survival, and Hinami struggled with her own feelings of guilt for her continued inability to help the ones she loves.

However, hearing the news that Kaneki was not only well, but would be visiting them soon brought with it a burst of energy that she hasn’t felt in what feels like a long time. Touka has yet to find out, since she has been taking a shower since Yomo’s phone call, but Hinami was almost certain that Touka will also be thrilled with this sudden visit. After all, Kaneki and Touka were better together - she has always thought so in the past and she hoped it will remain true today.

Touka entered the room dressed in a shirt and some shorts and a towel around her neck. Drying her hair, she looked around curiously.

"What's all this?" Touka asked and Hinami beamed with a bright smile.

"Yomo will be coming over with Kaneki." She continued to hurry around the room, fixing anything that was out of place. Touka's eyes widened for a moment and before she could ask anything else, the doorbell rang. "They're here!"

Hinami rushed to the door, quickly hiding away the items in her hands, and Touka stiffened, clenching the towel between her hands. The door opened and she jolted back towards her room in a panic, hearing Hinami cheerfully greet the two guests.

"It's good to see you again, Hinami-chan." Kaneki smiled and patted her head, ruffling her hair. She blushed and her eyes filled with tears. She hugged him, tightly holding onto him, and with some surprise, he hugged her back. "I'm sorry I worried you."

Yomo moved past. "Where's Kirishima?" He asked and Hinami quickly moved back, suddenly embarrassed.

"W-Well…" She moved towards Yomo and looked around the room. "I'm not sure. She was here a moment ago."

"Hold on!" Touka called from her room. Kaneki joined the others in the living room, his eyes wandering across the room.

"I-I tried my best to clean it up before you two arrived." Hinami confessed, fiddling with the rim of her shirt.

"It looks good." Kaneki assured her, and Yomo nodded along in agreement. Hinami nodded back and looked down, her cheeks warm.

"I'll make some coffee!" She then exclaimed and hurried to the kitchen.

"I'll help." Yomo followed behind and Kaneki awkwardly placed himself down onto the couch.

Touka's door opened then and with some hesitation, moved towards the living room, where her eyes locked onto Kaneki's. His hair was still a snowy white, his skin pale, and dark shadows around his grey eyes. His eyes, though, looked back at her with a warmness she hasn't seen for months now. It was a warmness she remembered from their days before his torture. He stood with a slight bow and she noticed that he had grown an inch or two, or perhaps his figure was more impressive than it had been before; his shoulders were broader, his torso slimmer, but defined under his dark shirt. He was both the Kaneki she once knew and a completely new person she has yet to know.

"Hi," Kaneki says with a low voice, a mix of shyness and shame in his almost pained expression. "It's been a while."

"Well," Touka rubbed the back of her neck, looking away. "Not much time has passed since we last saw each other."

Both thought of the day the two reunited on the bridge, where Touka had confronted him for his avoidance. She had lost control of her temper and lashed out against him, leaving him beaten and bruised. When she returned home that day, she was consumed with overwhelming embarrassment, certain that she had only succeeded in pushing him away further. And knowing that he had joined the battle against the CCG's assault on the 20th Ward, she feared that she had pushed him into his grave. She couldn't bear the thought that she had spent their last moments together berating him. After everything she has lost, she should've known better than to act out like some kind of child.

But now, Kaneki has returned - he was standing right in front of her, alive and well. It's almost as if she has been granted a second chance to redeem herself, to say all the things she had failed to confess before. Still, she felt weirdly conflicted. As grateful as she was, it stung to see him after all of this time. He remained a shadow of his former self, and though that was not something she could blame him for, it was not something she wanted to accept. But there was nothing either of them could do to repair the torment he had to suffer through in the past. They could only move on with the present. With that in mind, she ultimately decided that, perhaps, it would help the both of them if she first apologised for her actions.

Just as she was about to squeeze out a small apology, Kaneki spoke first. "I'm sorry." He said with a quiet voice. "I'm really sorry, Touka-chan."

Touka shook her head. "No, I'm–"

Hinami and Yomo walked in then, with Yomo carrying a tray of coffee. The room filled with a familiar fragrance, a bittersweet aroma that reminded them all of days that were now long past. Hinami skipped to Touka's side and clung to her arm, shaking it with excitement. Her joy was infectious and Touka couldn't help but smile in return. Taking the mug Yomo passed to her, she took a sip of the delicious coffee, swallowing down the words she wanted to tell Kaneki.

The four of them sat together for a while, inquiring Yomo for news of what was currently happening across Tokyo now that the battle against Anteiku has died down. The city has always been quick to move on from these intense conflicts, with the media pushing out superficial reassurances that all was now safe and stable. The world of ghouls has never known peace, and this moment, like many others, was just another wave that pushed them further back into the shadowed crevices of society. It was something they have come to expect growing up as societal outcasts, and yet, it was painful being oppressed so violently by those that deemed them as nothing more than monstrous pests.

With this thought, Touka thought of Ayato and the cruel words he had thrown against her. The way he had punished her for foolishly believing, once again, that she could live alongside the humans that despised their existence. She struggled against him, but now, she was weighed down with the thought that he had been right, that perhaps the only way to live freely in this world was to fight against it.

At the time, Kaneki had hurt Ayato for his violent aggression against her. She vaguely remembered her brother's agonised, garbled cries as Kaneki spoke in a quiet, apathetic voice. He had saved her that day, but he had also abandoned her, betraying her just as her brother had done. She glanced up at Kaneki, then, clenching the mug between her hands.

Catching her eye, he held her gaze before she abruptly looked away, her cheeks warm. He had apologised to her first, though she never expected an apology from the guy she had punched. Multiple times. Across the face. She shouldn’t be too surprised, she thought, considering how soft he had always been in the past. Still, so much time has passed since then and after distancing himself from her for almost a year, she wasn't exactly sure what to expect from him. Regardless, she should've been the one to apologise first - that much she was sure of.

"The question is," Yomo's voice breaks through her thoughts. "What's next?"

They were all silent in response to his question, the air heavy with anxious uncertainty. Yomo leaned back into his seat, a slight crease on his brow as he considered his next words.

"I am not sure how safe we are here." He explained. They were currently located in the third ward, though the whole of Tokyo has been in a continuous, suspended state as the heat from battle gradually faded back down to a simmer. Both ghouls and humans alike were waiting tensely on the sidelines, licking their wounds and watching the other in anticipation of their next move. "That said," Yomo crossed his arms, his frown deepening. "I wonder if it would be best to move to the underground–"

"Absolutely not." Touka immediately protested, cutting through his words with an aggressive sharpness. "I thought I made it clear before that I will not allow you to force Hinami through that. We'll figure something out, just…" Her voice trailed off with a wince. "Just anything but the underground ward. It's worse than death down there."

Hinami watched Touka silently, concerned yet curious. She would not argue against Touka, though she wondered if her weakness was hindering the safety of the others. Of course, if she were to ask, they'd all adamantly insist that this wasn't the case, or at the very least, that her fragility was not something they deemed a hindrance. Those hypothetical words, words she has heard many times before, rattled her in her mind and a bitter resentment began to swirl in the pit of her stomach.

It was then that she considered Takatsuki Sen's offer; Hinami had kept the business card that the author had given to her, and after their last conversation, Hinami wondered if confiding in her once again would provide her some kind of answer. In the end, she was the only one that told Hinami what she always knew to be true - that she was weak, and that this weakness was poisoning her loved ones. If she could somehow counter that inadequacy of hers, Touka, Kaneki, and Yomo wouldn't have to endanger themselves for her sake. Just as her parents had done.

"What are the current movements of the CCG?" Kaneki asked and Yomo thought for a moment.

"Even though they ultimately won the battle in the 20th Ward, they need time to recover. Patrols are being covered by lower-ranked officers and there's a greater push for public surveillance. It is nothing out of the ordinary, however."

"Have they released any new or updated profiles on us?" Touka asked.

Yomo shook his head. "I don't think so. Not yet, at least. They're still compiling the reports on the recent battle. It'll still be a few weeks until they return to their usual investigations. In the meantime, I can't say for sure what information they have on us."

"Needless to say, it would be best if we kept our heads low." Kaneki adds, leaning forward. "Relocate, stay out of the public. We can keep our ears to the ground and if we find that it's too risky for us to stick around, we'll consider more…" He glanced at Touka. Her eyes narrowed with clear displeasure. "Extreme alternatives."

Touka tutted and turned her head away, bringing her coffee up to hide her face. She bit her lip and let the conversation fizzle away into a complacent silence. Her eyes drifted to the nearby window, the curtains drawn, but a slither of sunlight slipping through the gap in between the thick drapes. It was midday, the city was no doubt busy with activity and human life. Had this been like any other day, she would be attending school right now, preparing herself for college entrance exams. But now, she and Hinami were once again trapped indoors, confined by a life of endless struggle and despair.

How long would she have to wait this time before going outside again? Would she ever return to school? Probably not, Touka already knew. She wouldn't see Yuriko or try the cooked lunches that left a loving ache in her stomach, or enter the warm embrace of the cafe she called her home, where she'd see the welcoming smiles of her caring peers. All these memories were nothing more than figments of a life that has once again been stolen away from her. How was any of this fair? No, it wasn't fair, but it was a life she has always known. And still, with each new tragedy, she found herself crumbling under the pressure of it all, from the weight of memories that she'll never relive in the living world.

"I'm not feeling too well." Touka announced, placing down her coffee and standing from her seat. "I'm going to my room. Let me know if you need anything else."

Kaneki watched her, his heart twisting at the sound of her evident misery. Her eyes remained downcast, almost lifeless, and he was tempted to reach out towards her. But he didn't and instead, watched her as she walked to her room, shutting the door behind her. He bit his lip, looking down. Hinami shuffled in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable with the stiff silence between the three of them.

"She'll be fine." Yomo insisted, standing from his own seat. "She's strong. Always has been." He then looked at Kaneki. "I should be going now. We need to secure some food for these two. Will you be joining me?"

Kaneki hesitated for a moment, clasping his hands together. He finally replies with a nod. "I'll help in whatever way I can."

And with that, the two leave after saying their farewells to Hinami. Afterwards, Hianmi takes all the half empty mugs to the kitchen and wonders what she should do next.

. . .

The drive through the city was quiet. Kaneki wasn't sure where exactly they were going, though he guessed that since the raid, Yomo had found a new location to gather 'food'. Truth be told, Kaneki was still not fond of the idea of collecting human corpses for consumption, but he refused to do nothing whilst his friends suffered from his continued incompetence. It reassured him that, at the very least, he wouldn't be the one to eat the human flesh. That was what he kept assuring himself, but his stomach grumbled at the passing thought. Yomo gave him a sideway glance.

"I've heard," Yomo begins, surprising Kaneki. "That you've been consuming meat that isn't human." He pauses, but Kaneki doesn't respond. "Considering the poor state you were in when we met in Kanou's lab, I suppose those rumours weren't baseless."

It wasn't a question, so Kaneki did not answer. His stomach grumbled again, a protest Kaneki wanted to violently suppress. It was almost mocking in its timing. Yomo glanced at him a second time.

"Yoshimura is not here anymore. There's no more 'sugar' to placate your hunger." Yomo warned, his grip tightening around the wheel. "And if you have any intentions of consuming ghoul flesh, I'll be forced to cut ties with you and keep you away from the two girls, understood?" His sudden bluntness gave Kaneki goosebumps along his arm. "It's for their own safety. You are free to do as you wish, but I won't allow that kind of danger into their lives. They've been through enough."

"I know." Kaneki licked his dry lips, his fingers loosely laced together. The tall skyscrapers of Tokyo fell away to a pastoral scenery - a stretch of greenery beyond the road barrier that gave way to rocky climbs and cliffs. The setting sun peeked out from behind the skyline of pine trees, bright sun rays beaming through the cracks between the tall, wooden bodies in the distance. The pressure of the city seemed to slip away the further they drove, despite knowing that the chain that kept them there was rattling loudly behind him, promising them their eventual return to the hellscape they call home.

"I know," Kaneki repeated with a sigh. "I don't want to do anything that will compromise the safety of you, Touka-chan, or Hinami-chan. I'll…manage, somehow."

The words hung in the air for a moment, along with an uncertainty they both detected. "It gets easier over time." Yomo added, his voice low. "You learn to accept it, like with all things in life."

The journey continued in silence after those words. Kaneki wasn't sure how he should've responded, considering everything that has happened. Easier? No, it never gets easier, you just force yourself to tolerate the pain. Even then, the pain continues to bury itself deep inside you, twisting and turning with each and every day as a reminder of the wrongs you have committed. And maybe that was for the best - to be punished with that guilt, day by day.

But that was hardly a solution and it certainly did not ease the pains of those he loved. So in the end, what did it matter, whether it was easy or not? As long as his companions were safe, he could push through the pain of any wounds or injuries. Yes, that was all that mattered, he thought. With a small crack, Kaneki pressed his thumb down onto his knuckle.

There is no reason why we have to be protected by you.

Kaneki's eyes widened and then narrowed, lowering as Touka's voice drifted through his mind.

You want nothing more than self-satisfaction.

With each reminder, Kaneki winced and he leaned his head against the cool glass of the car window. The sun was sinking away and the sky began to darken as the night approached.

Trash like you should stay out of Anteiku!

Kaneki lightly touched his cheek, remembering the strong blow of Touka's fist against his jaw. It would've knocked out any regular human, a punch like that. Fuelled with bitter spite and anguish. He had apologised to Touka earlier, but seeing her leave the way she did, he wondered what more he could do to ease the pain in her heart. He was sure that she had more to worry about than their relationship, but even so, he wanted her to know that she could rely on him. Not because he deemed himself as reliable, but because she saw him as such and trusted him enough to confide in him. Perhaps this, too, was a selfish desire that he was now projecting onto her, it was hard to say. Regardless, he would not abandon her. He refused to abandon her. Not again, not like last time. This was something he had to make up for.

The car slowed to a stop and Yomo announced their arrival. Much like the last collection point, they were parked on the side of a lone highway that was curved around a steep mountainside. Another, empty car was parked in front of them, clearly abandoned. The two left the car and waited for any other cars to pass on. Following Yomo, Kaneki leapt down from the cliff's edge, landing on the soft ground with a heavy thud.

In the past, he had panicked and dramatically tumbled to the ground. It was embarrassing, thinking back to it now. Yomo must've had the same thought, examining Kaneki with an unreadable expression before moving to the nearby corpse of a human. Kaneki bit his cheek and tried to swallow his nerves, following alongside Yomo as he placed down the duffel bag.

Yomo first removed the clothes, placing them into a separate bag. The nude corpse was remarkably pale, the skin almost a transparent white. It looked like paper, the skeleton pressing against it. Despite its gaunt appearance, it still seemed relatively 'fresh'.

"If it helps at all." Yomo said, his voice loud against the quiet of the forest. He lifted the limp arm, gripping its forearm. "See it as no different than a ghoul's corpse." With a strong tug, the arm ripped off, the skin tearing and the thick blood dripping down onto the dry leaves beneath them.

"I suppose." Kaneki murmured. But they weren't a ghoul. It was not as if he relished the sight of a corpse, regardless of whether it was a human or ghoul. Seeing human flesh, however, was a reminder that he was no longer the person he used to be, and a constant sign that he was drifting further away from that person.

In a sense, he has already lost who that person was - what once was can never be again, it was something he was reminded of again and again. Still, it was a barrier he didn't want to cross, even if it was also apparent that he had little control over the matter. Not back then and not now. He was at the whims of fate, being flung from one battle to another until he became one of the many corpses that littered the roads of Tokyo. When that moment inevitably happens, maybe someone else will feed on his corpse, just as he has done with the bodies of others. Strangers left to be consumed, a forgotten bloodstain that would soon be washed away - no different from an unmarked grave.

"Could you remove the other arm?" Yomo asked, interrupting his thoughts. Kaneki swallowed, his mouth dry, and he nodded, reaching forward.

The skin was cold, almost like ice to the touch, and stiff and heavy when held. Mimicking Yomo, he tugged the arm and with one swift movement, the flesh tore away and the tendons snapped. The aroma was…embarrassingly pleasant, like aged wine. He quickly placed the arm into the bag and then removed the upper arm, trying hard not to look at the human's face. His mouth began to water and nausea began to rise up his throat. He swallowed again, trying hard to push down the bile.

Yomo, focusing on the legs, continues to instruct Kaneki on what to do. "Twist the neck and pull, make sure to detach the spine connecting the head to the body."

Kaneki nods and reaches forward, keeping his eyes low as he grabs the head. An image flashes in his mind as his fingers touch the body's ice-cold throat. Yamori's voice rings in his ears, demanding that he make a choice, and the sight of mother and child emerges, their throats being pressed between the large arms of their captor. Their voices are weak, their breaths raspy, and their eyes fill with tears as they look at Kaneki, begging him to spare the life of the other.

His widened eyes then look to the face of the corpse, its dead eyes seemingly staring back, empty and glassy, but all the while accusatory as they silently scrutinise Kaneki. He grips his own throat, the acidic bile rising, and he stumbles back, kicking the ground beneath him as he tries to move away from the body.

With a hard blink, the body then takes the form of Hide, the bottom of his face and throat hollowed with the bite marks of a starving beast. Hide's face limply turns to him, calling for him with his pleading eyes, empty and glassy. He grunts, futilely attempting to speak, the blood spilling excessively from his wounds. Kaneki shakes his head, tasting the blood on his lips. It coats his mouth, dripping down his throat, staining his hands. It's everywhere - a reminder of what he had done, what he had chosen to do.

"No!" Kaneki screams, gripping his head. "No! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Ken!" Yomo grabbed his shoulders, his voice anchoring Kaneki back down to reality. The body returned to its original appearance, its neck severed. He could no longer hear the other voices. "What's wrong?" Yomo examined him, his steely eyes giving away to concern. "What happened?"

"I was– I–" Kaneki breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He blinked a few times, suddenly dizzy. "I'm sorry." He leaned back, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, I–"

"Forget about it." Yomo pulled him up onto his feet, holding him steady by his arm. "Go back to the car. I'll handle the rest."

"B-But…"

"Leave it. Just keep an eye out. I can do the rest."

With his last order, Kaneki nodded weakly and headed back to the car. A sense of defeat washed over him, along with an immense exhaustion that suddenly left his body feeling heavy and sluggish. He had wanted to be useful, but instead…

His stomach growled with a pang of hunger.

. . .

Touka fiddled with her parents' ring, the metal cool against her fingers. Silently, she read the names of her parents again and again. Arata. Hikari. Memories of her childhood trickle into her mind, remembering the warmth of her parents' hands as they walked alongside her. Their faces were…distant, vague, as if a fog was cast over them. She could remember her dad's face more clearly, especially the gentleness it carried, but her mum…she strained to remember specific details. She held the ring tightly in her hand, whispering their names, as if she were evoking her parents to appear before her. But no one would come, she knew. They were gone. Even Ayato was nowhere to be found. How long would they have to be separated before she began to forget his face?

Taking a deep breath, she tucked the ring back into her shirt. Even with her nervousness, she found the strength to get back onto her feet. Nihilism never suited her, even when it was nipping at her heels, taunting her to give in and give up. No, she wouldn't accept that. Not after everything she has been through. She had to look out for Hinami now, and she still had Yomo looking out for her. There was also Kaneki…she wanted to talk to him again. She wouldn't waste her chance next time.

Leaving the room, she noticed Hinami had fallen asleep on the sofa, her stomach sticking out. Touka smirked and pulled down her shirt, grabbing a nearby blanket and draping it over the small girl. Hinami looked comfortably peaceful when asleep, a sight Touka wished she saw more often when she was awake. No matter, Touka thought, brushing back Hinami's ruffled bangs.

There was a small knock at the door and opening it, Touka greeted Yomo, standing aside to let him inside. Shaking his head, he instead offered the duffel bag used to gather meat, along with a few dark containers for her to store the food in. Thanking Yomo, she briefly looked past his shoulder in hope that Kaneki was beside him. Seeing that he wasn't there, she tried her best not to look too disappointed. Despite her efforts, she seemed to have given something away, considering Yomo's next remark.

"I dropped off Kaneki earlier." Yomo explained, Touka nodding with some embarassment. Yomo frowned, seemingly hesitant with his next few words. "He tried to help me with the gathering, but he was deeply disturbed with the body."

Touka was silent for a moment. "Hasn't he always been like that? He freaked out the first time you took him, right?"

"He's changed a lot since then." Touka bit her lip, remembering how eerily calm he had been after seamlessly rescuing her from Ayato. "He was doing well for the first few minutes, but then…" His voice trailed off and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't have the wisdom or the kindness of Yoshimura and the others."

Touka nods slowly, but with the following silence, she stiffens, a brow raised. "What? You want me to talk to him?" She scoffed.

"You were once close." He retorted.

"Yeah, once." Touka muttered, crossing her arms. "But that was a while ago." She tutted, frowning and shaking her head. "I mean, what would I even say? I'm not exactly the most comforting person to be around."

"Well, it's up to you, I won't force you." He offers the slightest of smiles and turns to walk away, Touka wavering in the doorway. "I'll be back–"

"Wait!" She called, Yomo pausing and looking over his shoulder. "Hinami needs some clothes for the summer - could you take her shopping tomorrow, let her choose whatever she wants? I'll…go to the safe house and check on Kaneki." Her heart flutters and she presses her lips together. Yomo responds only with a nod and a confirmation of the time he'll arrive tomorrow. She quickly turns and then shuts the door behind her, leaning against it and heaving a big sigh. Shutting her eyes, she feels her heartbeat against her chest.

"He's never been this talkative before." She mutters, brushing her bangs back. "I guess it's not so bad…"

. . .

Kaneki laid in his bed, the covers pulled over his head so that he was in complete darkness. He hadn't slept much since yesterday evening, his mind rattled with too many anxious thoughts for him to rest comfortably. Yomo had offered him a coffee this morning - his own way of checking in on him, Kaneki supposed, or maybe he was going to pretend nothing had happened to save them the awkwardness of it all. Either way, Kaneki gently turned down his offer, giving the excuse that his head was hurting and that he just needed to rest some more. Yomo chose not to refute him and left soon afterwards. Kaneki was relieved and spent the rest of the morning in bed. He probably could've confided in Yomo, he thought, but he has always found solitude preferable during these moments.

No, that wasn't true. The truth was that with solitude came a creeping sense of isolation, a fear that he was truly alone with no one around to save him from loneliness he was being subjected to. When he was younger, Hide had reached out and drawn him away from this darkness, pulling him into a comforting lightness he hasn't known since.

Everything was different as a ghoul; the darkness he feared came with it the threat of death. He had been lucky enough to befriend those that would save him when necessary, though he knew that they, too, were skirting the line between life and death for his sake. He couldn't allow it, not if he could help it. And so he was forced to face this darkness alone, bringing with it a new fear that he'll endanger anyone else that tries to reach out to save him.

Knowing this, he cringed and twisted the sheets around him, gritting his teeth. If he truly understood this, why does he repeat the same mistakes? It was a thought that continued to cut through his mind, a voice in his ears whispering the accusatory "coward" with the familiar chittering of a squirming insect. An equation he didn't want to answer. He pressed his palms against his ears, shaking his head. He couldn't change the past, he wanted to say, but it continued to haunt him in the present. Like shackles on his wrists, like a noose around his neck, he couldn't escape. Not unless–

"Kaneki?" There was a knock on the door, along with Touka's familiar voice. He flinched and sat up, all intrusive thoughts ceasing their incessant noise. "Are you in?" She knocked again and he struggled to find the words to respond, as if he were in a dazed state. He hadn't been expecting her. "God dammit, will you just…"

She kicked the door open, causing Kaneki to jump in surprise and a little bit of fear. He couldn't recall if the door had actually been locked, but either way, it was a surprise to see such an aggressive response. Then again, it was a reaction he should've expected from Touka. She stepped in and gave him a judging look.

"It's noon, you know." Touka remarked, crossing her arms. "You look like shit."

Flustered, Kaneki rose from his bed and brushed through his messy hair with his fingers. He was suddenly conscious of how he looked - his wrinkled shirt and shorts, his pale complexion, his tired eyes. He felt almost exposed with Touka’s intrusion, though he would be lying if he said that it was entirely unwelcome. With her presence, his mind settled into a much-needed quietness, pushing aside all the horrible thoughts that kept him in a state of constant restlessness. Even so, he was still taken aback by her sudden visit.

“W-What are you doing here? Is Yomo here?” He asked, clearing his throat. Touka's lips parted, as if she were about to say something, but she sighed and shook her head. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I just…” Touka squinted, her eyes meeting his. "It's fine." She shook her head again. “Anyway, Yomo is with Hinami. I asked him to get some clothes for her.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Yeah.” She fiddled with her fringe, brushing it over her eye. Feeling something akin to defeat, Kaneki pushed the conversation forward.

“Is there something you need?” Kaneki meant nothing offensive with his question, but it was enough to make Touka twist her lips and frown.

“Is there a reason I can’t visit a friend?” She asked, evidently unimpressed.

“N-No.” Kaneki turned his face away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Wait, are we friends?”

“Do you want me to kill you?!” She asked with an immediate aggressiveness. Kaneki shook his head quickly, stuttering out an explanation. Touka let out a frustrated sigh and turned back towards the door. “Come on. I’ll make you some coffee.”

Confused, but uneager to incite her fury any further, Kaneki followed behind her to the small kitchen outside of his bedroom. Silently, she boiled some water and crushed the fresh beans that Yomo had stored away. Her movements flowed with a satisfying smoothness that Kaneki enjoyed watching, though with it came a pang of painful nostalgia that crept in the back of his mind. With Touka, however, it was easier to ignore the memories that intruded his mind. A light piercing through the darkness

“Are you familiar with this hideout?” Kaneki asked, continuing to watch Touka while she prepared two cups of coffee.

“Sure.” Touka answered. She poured the hot water over the crushed beans, slowly moving the kettle in a circle, just as they had both been taught. “I stayed here with Hinami for a few days before Yomo found you.”

“I see…” Touka placed a cup in front of him and sat opposite, the aroma of freshly made coffee drifting through the room. “I suppose that it was…probably good that he found me.”

“Probably?” Touka raised a brow. Kaneki pressed his lips together, gnawing on the inside of his bottom lip.

“I’ve caused a lot of trouble.” His voice was quiet, yet unhesitant. Touka winced, cupping her hands around her coffee. “Sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if I had been left behind to die.”

He wasn’t sure what prompted him to admit these feelings to Touka - it wasn’t as if she had pushed him to confess his doubts. But seeing her here, sitting across from him and watching him with her beautiful, dark eyes, he felt compelled to share these thoughts with her. It was perplexing. Perhaps, after all that has happened, he was aware of how precious their time was together. He had already apologised to her, though there was a part of him that was unsatisfied, that wanted to assure her that his words were truly sincere. Maybe that was why these barriers that always kept her and others at a distance were finally being toppled, even if it was just for a brief moment. That was what he wanted to believe, in any case.

After letting his words hang in the air, sinking into her skin and sending goosebumps down her spine, Touka took a few sips of her coffee and placed the mug aside. “I…” She hesitated and looked away, her shoulders hunched. “I’ve also felt that way before.”

Kaneki was now looking at her directly, not entirely surprised, but still startled by her own confession. Unable to respond, Kaneki frowned and looked down into his coffee, seeing a dark, warped reflection staring back. Touka peered back, noticing his pained expression.

“I have always wanted to protect you.” Kaneki admitted, feeling the almost burning warmth of his coffee mug seeping into his hands. “I wanted to keep you away, in hopes that maybe then, you would be safe. Pursue an education, live a normal life.” He sighed. “Be happy.” He took a drink of the coffee, the delicious taste almost bittersweet against his tongue. “But I wasn’t able to do anything. In the end, I wasn’t able to protect you all. I'm always making things worse–”

“Don’t give me that.” Touka scowled, slamming her fist down against the table and startling him. “I’ve told you before that we don’t need you to protect us. We’ve been living this life longer than you ever have. We don’t need you to ‘save us’.” Kaneki’s eyes met hers once again, the kind warmth he saw before now replaced with a cold glare of contempt. “Can’t you see,” she bowed her head, her fist trembling. “You’re the one that needs to be kept safe. These past few months - all you’ve done is run into danger, again and again, and for what?” Lifting her head again, Kaneki’s eyes widened, watching tears roll down Touka’s flushed cheeks. “I don’t want you to die, shitty-neki. Why can’t you understand that? And you– You abandoned me anyway. You ran off to die, thinking that I'd be okay with it. I can't stand it.” Sniffing, her voice became a murmur. “Forget it, this was a mistake.”

Pushing her chair back, the legs scraping against the ground, she abruptly stood from her seat and rushed towards the door. Before she could leave, however, Kaneki grabbed her wrist, holding her back. Her skin was warm against his cold palm.

“Let go! I shouldn’t have–”

He tugged her back, grabbing her by the shoulders and she looked up to him, her eyes glazed with tears and wide with anxious worry. He gazes back down with calm, grey eyes, his pupils dilated. Looking into her eyes, he was constrained with conflicting thoughts, unsure what it was he should do. He wanted to comfort her, but how could he when he was the one causing her so much grief? Was it right for him to keep her here, to hold her back after her pained confession? Would it be wrong to let her go? What was the right thing to do? He wasn't certain, but what he did know was that he wanted to prove to her somehow that he would not leave her side again, if that was truly what she wanted.

They were both breathing heavily, their hearts loud in their ears. He moves his hands from her shoulders to her cheeks, his thumb brushing away the tears from her eyes. If only it were that easy to ease her pain, he thinks. Her eyes flutter shut, and it almost feels like she could fall apart in his hold - a tenderness she hasn’t known in so long.

“I’m sorry.” Kaneki whispers, kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry.” He then kisses her eyelids, his lips brushing lightly against her skin. “I’m sorry.” He moves his lips down to hers, their breaths intermingling. “I’m–”

Grabbing his shirt, Touka pulls him against her, their lips pressed together. Her mind goes blank for a moment, with nothing but the sound of her racing heart and the feeling of his lips against hers encapsulating her thoughts.There’s a sudden impulse for her to pull back, but Kaneki moves his hands to her waist, keeping her in place as he moves his lips against hers. With a small moan, he parts her lips with his tongue and she responds in kind, opening her lips for him and feeling his tongue move over hers. His hands squeezed her waist, twisting against the fabric of her shirt before pulling her body against his, making Touka gasp in response. His body was firm with toned muscles, his strong arms wrapping around her, as if locking her to his side. And all the while, her mind goes hazy at the sensation of their breathless kisses, her cheeks warm with the sensual intensity of it all.

But then he pulls back with a gasp, as if woken from a dream. He moved his hands back to her shoulders, his grip firm, and he bowed his head, his cheeks smeared with a red blush. With a slight shake of his head, he takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't–" He tried to explain, stammering over his words. He looked up, with an almost pleading look in his eyes. "It wasn't my intention to–"

"It's fine." Touka mumbled, hiding her face with the back of her hand. She refused to look at him directly, her eyes darting between him and their surroundings. "It was…" She squeezed her eyes shut, her voice no more than a squeak. "I need to go."

Before Kaneki could stop her again, she darts through the door. Kaneki, left with nothing but the coffee she made for him moments before, tilts his head back, shutting his eyes and thinking through the moment they had just shared together. Her skin had been so soft, her lips tender against his, her movements shy and hesitant. It was so different from Touka's usual mannerisms, revealing to him a vulnerability he had hardly seen before. And there's a part of him that wanted to see that side of her again, to dig deeper and see what else there was to discover.

A little ashamed and embarrassed by these desires, he sat back down and rested his head against the table. He shouldn't be thinking of Touka this way. Before today, he wasn't even sure if Touka was willing to be friends with him after all they've been through. And within the span of a few minutes, the intimacy between them surpassed anything he could've ever anticipated. Even now, as he tried to think past the kiss they shared, his thoughts kept returning to the feel of her body - petite, but soft, his hands fitting nicely against the smooth curve of her hip. Her chest against him. He groaned, pressing his palms against his thighs. Was he allowed to have these thoughts, to think of Touka this way? He moved his hand to the waistband of his shorts, agonised by this inner conflict. He couldn't deny it, though. He wanted to feel her, to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her, to undress her, to caress her.

He wanted more.

. . .

Touka sat on her bed, hugging her knees. She still felt warm after her visit to see Kaneki. She leaned her head against her knees, grimacing. It hadn't been her intention to dump her feelings on him, much less kiss him. But he had reciprocated, right? Had he wanted to kiss her in the first place? Surely he must've, she thought with some worry. She tried to reason with herself, but each time she thought back to that moment, she wanted to cry out with embarrassment and bury herself deep into the ground.

In the end, had she really conveyed what it was she wanted to tell him? After their fight on the bridge, she had decided that she would apologise and be more mature in her response. Instead, her anger escalated once again and she started crying. Was she ever going to learn from her mistakes? She wanted someone to yell at her, to punish her for her immaturity. The last thing she had anticipated was an intense kiss with her…

She shook her head, agonising over the thought of it all. It would be a lie if she said she hated it - it was just unexpected. What was Kaneki thinking now, she wondered with an anxious uncertainty. It was all so confusing and it was impossible for her to know how to proceed from this point forward. If he had hated it, she continued to ponder, then he'd probably keep his distance. Even if he had, just maybe, possibly, enjoyed it, he would likely keep some kind of distance anyway. If he had enjoyed it, Touka thought while covering her face, would that make the situation any better?

Touka shook her head again, rolling onto her stomach and burying her face into her pillow. This was hardly the time to worry about something so…childish. Still, it weighed against her mind and the memory of the moment continued to intrude into her thoughts, as if it were a punishing reminder of what had happened. It was distracting, the thought of his body as she pressed her hands against his chest, the slight moan that escaped his lips…it was all too distracting!

She just hoped that she could calm herself down by the time Hinami returned from her trip with Yomo. The last thing she needed was others questioning their…confusing relationship, to put it simply.

In any case, that was the last time she was going to visit Kaneki alone, she decided. Touka knew, however, that this was not a promise she could keep.

#touken #kanetou #my writing #fanfic #kaneki x touka #ken kaneki #touka kirishima #hinami fueguchi #renji yomo #angst #au #tokyo ghoul

47 notes · View notes

sword-brainrot · 1 year

Note

( romantic Hc ,Scenario or whatever it's fine) Himetsuru seems cold and annoyed to the Saniwa (ofc he only care for cute little Tantou😂) , what if The Saniwa trying to give up on him like stop calling for his attention,don't want to bother him anymore cause they don't want to be hates by him😢😢😢 //happy ending pls🙏

genre: angst/fluff word count: 3962 cw: N/A summary: Following Himetsuru's point of view, he goes about his day realizing that something is missing. Or, rather someone. His saniwa, who normally is very cheerful and always comes to talk to him - is no where to be found. If anything... It is like they are avoiding him. That can't be, right? How could they go from trying to capture his affections to disappearing from his sight in one day? It doesn't bother him... Just more peaceful for him to go about his day. Yet... What is this melancholy feeling?

Please Chase Me (Himetsuru Ichimonji x GN!Reader)

Birds sing their sweet tunes as cicadas try to speak over them on this hot afternoon. The citadel, already bustling with activity, plays their own tune of laughter and occasional shouts from one another. A typical day. Like any normal day, a certain sword still resides under their heavy comfort blanket, an eye mask blocking the dim light shining through the cracks of the screen door, and braided silver hair slowly coming undone from the movement throughout the night.

Himetsuru is known for his late sleeping well into the day. Sleeping early in the night and sleeping late into the day. His body and mind now rested well but if you asked him, he could sleep for an hour or two more. Nonetheless, he had to get up for his afternoon tea and to watch the tantous play in the summer heat. A tired body slowly rose from the ground and the muscles under his clothes slowly stretched as a satisfying pop resounded within it. A soft sigh was all that could be heard within the room as the flawless princess sword took off his eye mask to greet the dim room with his icy eyes. His thin, nimble fingers undoing his braids as he got to work to get ready for the day.

The screen door slid open silently as Himetsuru appeared before it in his normal casual outfit. A well-fitted black turtleneck with no sleeves that goes to his knees, along with some comfortable sweat-pants and a warm jacket that is only worn over his shoulders. His hair is, once again, perfectly put together and brushed. Himetsuru needs to make sure that any eye that catches his beauty is aware of exactly how eye-catching he truly is. A personal motivation wherever he goes is to be the most pretty being in the room. There is a reason he is known as princess crane, and he is going to live up to that name. The sun enhances his beauty as it shines on him in a perfect angle to make his silver hair shine even more, circling the outline of his head with an angelic glow.

The tantous were already out and about, yelling and chasing each other on the green grass. Normally one would believe that it is a game that is all well and fun, however Namazuo was among them. Even from far away, Himetsuru could imagine the mischievous grin that would be on the young sword’s face from increasing the risk of the normal game of tag. Especially if Namazuo was assigned on horsekeep duty for the day… Saniwa didn’t seem to assign him to tending to the horses nearly as much as before after finding out his devious plans to pull pranks on the other swords. Himetsuru could feel a soft chuckle threaten to slip out of his throat as he reminded himself of the saniwa’s expression when they found out about how Namazuo would use the horse manure to inflict fear into the tantous (and any other sword that threatened to feel his wrath) as he chased them through the field. Once even going INSIDE the citadel. That was quickly punished and, not as easily, cleaned up. A shiver still follows the memory from the terrible smell that refused to vanish from the walls…

A quick adventure to the kitchen to grab his tea and cup, brought him back to his favorite spot, a perfect view of the tantous running on the hill and the sun hitting his skin just right to warm him up. Sakurayu tea settled in the cup in his hand as the steam rose to remind him of the lovely scent of the lost sakura trees of the summer. Enjoying the warmth of the drink sliding down his throat as Samidare hides in the branches of a tree just above poor Gokotai, who has not been able to tag anyone yet. A pitying smile on Himetsuru’s face as he watches the sad act before him. Perhaps after his tea he will help the poor boy out. Regardless of the persona Himetsuru tries to keep up around the citadel, his heart is very weak towards the tantous; especially the Uesugi clan tantous. Going from a cold beauty that can only behold from a far to a tall crane that just wanted to wrap his kids in his arms and become brotherly to all of them. A weakness he wouldn’t ask to get rid of.

His day was going as per usual. Late wake up, tea to start his day while watching the tantous play… He was only missing one aspect to his day to complete the daily routine.

“Himetsuru-san.” Called a voice to his left. Ah, there is the last piece that was missing from his day. The saniwa that always interrupted his tea time to try to playfully talk to him, trying to make him smile any which way that was possible. Only for his cold stare to look over at them and a grumble of his breath as they approached him everyday. He would always treat them passively with no interest, yet they kept coming back to garner his affections. So far, it has not worked and he was not going to let them win. Afterall, his allure was that he was like a painting on a wall. He couldn’t let anyone get close to him and tire of him after getting what they want. He has to keep pulling them along.

“So you finally show up, aru-” Himetsuru’s voice got caught in his throat as his aloof gaze rested on the voice to his left. His eyebrows rose slightly at who appeared before him. “Sorry, I thought you were someone else. What can I help you with, Juzumaru-dono?”

The tall figure, even taller than Himetsuru, smiled politely at the pale sword. His hair swayed ever so slightly in the summer breeze as he held his hands clasped before his person. His eyes never opened to show that he was aware of who was around him, yet he found Himetsuru anyway. Clearly he had a way of seeing. Though, that was a mystery that no one truly knew the answer to. A mystery that Himetsuru was slightly intrigued by but wouldn’t die without finding out the answer to it. Juzumaru kept his distance from other swords normally but was polite to all he did encounter. Himetsuru had a positive perspective of the wise sagely sword and couldn’t find it in his heart to be aloof to such a person.

“I apologize for interrupting your tea, Himetsuru-san. However, it seems like you are setting the table for dinner today with Mouri-kun. He is currently awaiting your help.”

Well this is a surprising turn of events, indeed. Any work that he had to do that involved him getting messy were events of him complaining before, during, and long after it had been done. Although he complained that his hair is forever ruined by the soil getting into it, he never went against the wishes of the saniwa and followed orders. He whined about it to them on occasion, just to tease them, but over time he began to notice that he was assigned less to citadel work that required him to dirty his form. It would be a lie to say that realizing this fact did not make him rosy at the cheeks with a grin on his doll-like face. Was he truly that valued to his saniwa that they would go out of their way to soften his childish woes as such?

Clearly not since that very same saniwa refused to show their face at their daily tea time. He may have not invited them at the start, but they kept inviting themselves each time. It felt strange for them to suddenly not appear. He did not like his routine to be messed with because of a troublesome master. One last tip of his sweet tea brought him to his feet to go help the green-haired tantou with the table.

“Thank you for telling me,” Himetsuru bowed slightly to one of the great heavenly swords and collected his things to make his way to the dining area.

….

An alluring aroma drifted into the dining hall as Himetsuru stepped through the door. Mouri was already setting down plates for the meal to come. His soft violet eyes drifting up to see the new presence within the hall and a cheerful smile appearing as his eyes landed on Himetsuru.

“Himetsuru-san! Good afternoon!” He cheered, nearly dropping a plate he was balancing but his quick reflexes saved the day before glass covered the floor before him.

A barely visible smile found its way onto Himetsuru’s lips. Although small, full of compassion for the young sword. He found his way to the tantou, carefully lifting the burden of the plates from his hands and softly patting his head.

“Afternoon, dear Mouri. You have worked hard. Go play and I will take care of the rest, alright?” A tedious job that was setting the table for the large citadel but a job he will do himself for the sake of Mouri to enjoy the last remaining sun with his brothers. Plus, it would give him quiet time to go over why the saniwa decided to not show their face to him today. It was unusual.

Mouri’s brows knitted together in worry at such a big task, clearly not wanting to leave Himetsuru to take on such a task by himself. A simple tilt of his head to the door and a look of ‘I will not take no as an answer’ was all that was needed. He was not going to take Himetsuru's kind offer for granted and argue, ruining the peaceful atmosphere within the hall. His footsteps padded against the mat under his feet as he made his way to the door, only to stop when Himetsuru called out to him as he opened it to escape into the hall. Mouri’s head turned to gaze at him, a confused and concerned expression clear on his face. Did he decide he wanted Mouri’s help after all?

“Have you seen Aruji today? Are they unwell?” Himetsuru asked, a bit quiet from his normal voice and his eyes not connecting to the tantou’s as they usually did. The question was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. If they didn’t show up to their expected meeting time then it could very well be that they are feeling under the weather. In that case, Himetsuru can not be mad or assume absurd conclusions from them missing.

“Oh! Yes, I have. They are doing well! I brought tea to them as they did paperwork.” Mouri exclaimed cheerfully as Himetsuru sullenly nodded his head, dismissing them. His grip on the plates tight as he got to work to release them from his grasp.

‘So they are well and missed coming to converse with me because of paperwork? Have they fallen behind on their work? That does not sound like them at all. They always made time for the swords in the citadel and did their work in a timely manner, though sometimes having to go late in the night before they put it off too long. So… That means they are avoiding me?’ Himetsuru dropped a plate at a low height onto the table with a CLASH. The thought echoed through his body and caused him to drop a fragile plate. Luckily, it didn’t break but it did cause a few to rush in to check to make sure everyone was okay. A quick apology was all that was needed to cause the small crowd to disperse from the room. Nothing was broken so it was of no big importance to stay. Except for one thing.

‘I’m jumping to conclusions. They are busy, Himetsuru. Stop being so full of yourself. They will surely apologize after dinner like they always do for not being able to interact with me during the day. Like always I will playfully tease them that I didn’t even notice and be about my evening with telling them to make it up to me by walking with me to my room. Silly Himetsuru, you are letting your pride get to your head and seeing aruji in a negative light like a fool.’ He chided himself in his head as he finally finished setting the table, and the food began to be brought in for the whole citadel to eat together like usual. Normally, he would be seated and the saniwa would claim a seat next to him to talk over their meal.

That didn’t happen this time. Himetsuru took the seat he always did and awaited as the ocean of swords came into the hall, chatter and laughter filling the room as the seats were taken. Saniwa was not on his side. Instead they were at the total opposite side of the table at the head. It made sense, they were an all powerful sage that belonged at the highest positioned seat at the table.

So why did the simple act of sitting elsewhere fill his heart with some much loneliness?

The chatter of the whole citadel blends into nonsense conversation in Himetsuru’s ears. His hands move silently as he eats, no conversation to be had during dinner for once. If anyone notices his more sullen attitude, they fail to mention it directly to the host. Instead Himetsuru’s icy eyes linger on the food he is consuming. The food, for once, failing to have taste to the poor crane. His eyes, ever so slowly, linger to the saniwa at the head of the table. Their eyes are bright and their smiles blissful. Such gifts would be seated next to him and directed at him, but not today. His heart aches with each beat as they watch for too long and their eyes connect with the target of the entertainment. Saniwa realizes he is watching but no smile is directed his way. Instead, a hurried turn of their head and look away from him.

He never knew you could stab someone without a sword. Well, that confirms they have been avoiding him on purpose. Not even daring to meet their eyes for a second longer and wishing to escape the single shared moment in time. He painfully pulled his eyes away from the person he used to spend his day to day with. A single final swallow of whatever food was left in his mouth, he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what it was since it lacked any taste to him, and he lifted off his seat to leave. From his knowledge, no eyes followed his retreat. Why would they? This was not unusual for him to go back to his room so early to sleep. Typical Himetsuru. Yet, if they did, they would see a storm in his eyes. One that could tell so much: Hurt, Regret, Longing…

He was the villain of this story. He pushed them away and selfishly wanted them back. Would they come back? Would he have to cast his pride aside and beg? Could he even do that when he was so prideful? Perhaps this is the start of the day where he loses the person he didn’t know he needed most in his life.

The walk back to his room was less of a person making their leisurely stroll to end the night and more of a lost phantom searching for the meaning of their journey. A heavy sigh shook their body as the door closed behind in his room. Their shoulders weak and his body slowly slumping into a fetal position to fall asleep in. His heavy eyes closed as his heart ache, hoping for sleep to ease the pain for the person he drove away.

….

A figure sits in front of a mirror, their hair clean from a recent wash and still damp, with faint makeup on their complexion to enhance the features that already make them eye-catching. There sits the Saniwa of the citadel in a white robe. The lights around the mirror are almost blinding as the details of the background are blurred in their vision, too focused on their reflection. They can’t remember how they ended up seated in what they could only guess is a dressing room. Perhaps it doesn’t matter because the only thought is how stunning they currently learn. So absorbed that they only realize they are not alone when a fluffy, warm white towel falls upon their head and gently rubs out the excess water from their hair.

Their hair is now dry and the towel is pulled away to reveal the princess sword himself, Himetsuru. He looks like he always does in the citadel, it seems like only they are dressed up for whatever is about to happen. Himetsuru doesn’t catch their eye in the mirror, focusing so closely on the top of their head. They don’t even notice that he has a brush in his hand as he smooths the clean locks and starts to style it to the dream look. A style they always dreamed of being able to wear in reality.

Dream.

“Himetsuru,” Their voice rings out in the silence. Surprising even themselves that they are capable of talking. “Did you enter my dream?”

A teasing smile creases his features as his eyes finally look up and meet theirs. Only for their gentle hands to go back to the task in hand. Although he is normally a sword that refuses to touch anyone, it seems as if he is in his element at this moment. Focusing purely on the subject before them to fulfill their desired look. The smile on his face fades every so slightly to take on a more soft and compassionate expression.

“Sometimes I hate your mind for being so quick-witted. Can’t even have my own fun.” A playful pout that holds no merit within it. As he finishes with their hair, his hand softly grasps their’s and leads them away from the mirror.

It is only then that the scene before them materializes. Sure enough, it is a dressing room. A rather empty dressing room, but it would do the job in reality. Inside is a rack full of an assortment of outfits of all different colors and a two seater couch. Himetsuru wastes no time to start going through the clothes. Everytime pulling out an outfit with a judgemental look, only to decide it does not fit his image and throw it over his shoulder to move onto the next. Somehow they always disappear before hitting the floor behind him. Some outfits he holds up to the saniwa, only to decide it’s not what he is looking for and drop it right then and there. Never being satisfied. Perhaps he will never be satisfied with the options given to him. Or maybe, he is trying to keep his hands busy as he gathers courage to speak again.

“I was too nervous to speak to you in person so I chose dream you. I’m not even sure you will remember this when you wake up but that is my own punishment for being so weak and childish.”

They wanted to speak up and refute his words, but the look in his eyes told them best to let him say his peace. The storm in his icebound eyes was one of pain and wishing to say his peace before he lost all courage he had left. They didn’t want to forget his words or his expression when they awoke, so they stayed silent and watched him tediously check the fabric before him, and slowly looked back at their face.

“You were avoiding me today, yes? I am not here to pick a fight and yell at you. I am childish but I know I have no place to do that here. If you truly wish, you could kick me out of your dreams at any moment.”

They didn’t want to kick them out. They never wanted to kick them out.

“I am here… To apologize.” A pitiful smile appeared, one that was the last barrier before tears. “I pushed you away constantly because I was overconfident. I thought you would never leave my side and treated you not as well as I should have. I am sorry, aruji. You avoiding me today, even just one day, broke my heart. The ego I enveloped myself in, crumbled. I realized how important it is that you are by my side. I am not here to beg you to come back to my side but to finally be honest with you. The man you see in your everyday life is a weak-willed, prideful child that wishes for someone to chase after his beauty.”

His body lingered over theirs and the weight of the world seemed to crash upon him as his body began to slump, his mouth so close to their ear.

“Aruji, I am asking an immature favor from you. You needn’t agree to it but we don’t have much time left together in this dream realm.” His face touched theirs ever so slightly, soft like a feather. Their next words came out as a whisper as the scene around them began to disappear. “Please chase after me again. This time I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

And with that the sword, known as Himetsuru Ichimonji, was gone.

…..

The sun beats down on the green summer grass. The citadel is silent with sleep. The only sound that resounded through the early morning palace was a single sliding door opening and fast footsteps padding on the wooden flooring. The saniwa raced down to the usual spot where Himetsuru always drank his afternoon tea. They didn’t know why they felt the need to race there so early in the morning when the princess sword would surely be sleeping in on such a day but that dream stayed with them. They needed to be there as soon as he awoke to finally speak back to him on what he said.

As they turned the corner, they were greeted with that very sword, sitting in the sun as it gave his silver hair a golden halo. A tea cup sat in his hands and another one on the tray where Saniwa would normally sit. Heavy breaths were the only signal to their appearance as Himetsuru turned towards it. A friendly smile and a quirk of his eyebrow.

“You are up early, Aruji. Are you feeling up to having some tea with me?”

“I remember. I never hated you… I just didn’t want you to hate me for my constant persistence to be around you.” The second half of their words were strained from the running and the embarrassment of the statement. Himetsuru didn’t seem to mind, hearing them just fine and encouraging them to come sit beside him.

As they took their seat and picked up the cup with some fragrant tea, a soft hand touched their cheek. Their head sprung up to look at the origin of where such a soft touch came from. A sweet, heavenly smile greeted them as they looked at him in awe.

“I could never hate an adoring fan.”

Saniwa was half ready to kill him and half fighting the soft chuckle that wanted to escape them. Himetsuru was truly a mystery to the whole citadel. Prideful and childish. Kind and funny. A beauty to all. One that saniwa didn’t want to let go and one that Himetsuru wanted to keep pulling them along with. One day, he may feel comfortable letting the darker parts of his mirror heart shine. For now, the princess will have tea with his majesty.

63 notes · View notes