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happypotato48 · 1 month

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List of Thai BL dramas i've watched with short opinions about them i guess :P

Thai BLs that i finished:

A Boss and a Babe. It's cute for what it is, i loved the gaming friendships and i'm a sucker for forcebook. 7/10 need more unhinged energy from book.

A Tale of Thousand Stars/Our Skyy 2 : Bad Buddy x A Tale Of Thousand stars. this show reminds me a lot of early to mid 2000s lakorns. it's a beautiful by the book love story, i appreciated that a bl got to take a spin on this kind of quiet thai story. 8/10 loved it but still too vanilla for my taste.

Bake Me Please. Guide Kantapon is the cutest man alive and CAKES! that it, that all i have for this show. 6/10 it's a show that exist.

Be My Favorite. damn fluke gawin is so pretty what was this show about again? :P i'm kidding, i actually really liked this show. i watched it when i had zero knowledge about bl industry, i was oblivious about krist's controversy and i find krist acting to be charming and think kawee is very relatable as a cringe fail human myself. 8.5/10 this show made me want to collected weird thingies.

Cherry Magic (Thailand). oh boy this show. it's was everything to me also the only show so far that i've written extensively on this site. here is my personal feeling about this show. 9.5/10 would kill for taynew.

Cooking Crush. what! the fuc$! look look, i just learned that both offgun are older than me. when i first saw the show i thought they were some rookie actors with how young they looks. watching cute bl is gonna be the death of me. anywho this show is supercute don't have a lot of thought about it though. 7.5/10 cutting half a point cause of no samsee x metha.

Cutie Pie/Naughty Babe. what a fuckin legend of a series. all the characters have zero braincells and somehow all the rich pretty boys are engaged to each other and by arranged marriages nonetheless. wtf is this fanfic version of thailand and where can i get hit by a truck and get isekai to it. 7.5/10 still haven't watch Cutie Pie 2 U, i hope it get dumber.

Enchanté. this show is so dummmb it should've go full camp reverse harem yaoi nonsense but it didn't and ended up being kinda boring. 6.5/10. meh, i'm still a sucker for forcebook.

Last Twilight. UGHHH!! i'm still so mad. this show was going to be THE SHOW for me then ep 11-12 happened i legit mentally check out halfway through ep 12 and i basically blocked the ending from my mind. this show came out at the right place and the right time for me, the first 9 episodes helped me through a very tough time in my life. the story of two people helping each other finding their way out of the dark was very compelling to me. ughh. 5.5/10 (9/10 for ep 1-9) P'Aof why are you like this!!

Laws Of Attraction. yassssssss this show slay(literally :P) the show is a breath of fresh air for me despite how very lakorn of it is. i'm glad that there is a bl that feel this soapy and campy cause like i do love my angsty and innocent school bls but the industry really need show like laws of attraction. jamfilm also were very great in their roles espically film, charn is the most babygirl corrupted cute evil lawyer of all time. 9/10 no note headempty only charn's evil smirks in my mind

La Pluie. now, this is a romance. this show is one of the most romanctic media that i personally have experience. i loved that the show took the cheesy premise of soulmates and work it so well to do both deconstruction and exploration of the trope. i think using rain, thing that isolated people as a narrative tool for love connection is absolutely brilliant. last but not least pat is just the perfect bl love interest, he's an very idealized character but he do feels like an actual person. i want to give a shout out to Pee Peerawich the way he said "มันหนาวอ่ะ" in ep 8 sent me, the raspy voice, the eye twich and combo those with a back cuddle, sir! you just commited a mass murders with that move. 9/10 plz i need season two with my baby boy tien.

Love in Translation. the unhingendness of that first meeting is probably my favorite bl meet cute. look if you don't get into a fistfight with the guy you destined to be with then what is the point of life. this show fake date is very well done it's doesn't feel forced like in a lot of other bls and it make the growing attraction feels very genuine and it pay off in one of the best sex scenes in all of bl, yang is such a freak and i loved him for it. 8/10 the last two episodes did got slightly off the rail for me but i still enjoyed the show.

Moonlight Chicken. one of the most beautiful shows i ever watched. when watching this show i can feels, smells and tastes everything it depicted. from the comfort khao man gai to jim's loneliness, from alan's heartbreak to liming and heart's midnight motorcycle ride. this show gave me all the feels and i still can't completely shake it off. 9.9/10 this show is a healing.

My School President. These boys!!!! i can't, i loved these boys so much, all the boys, YES ALL OF THEM! this show is on the opposite spectrum of Moonlight Chicken for me. while MC give me the good heartaches this show give me unbridled joy it's like heartstopper on cracks. i absolutely adored tinn and gun and the show relentless optimism about thier first love. love is awesome no matter the romantic, familial or platonic kind and i think this show hit the marks with all three. 10/10(i'm super bias but fuck it idc i even liked the singing) this show made me started watching thai bl and it always will have a place in my heart.

My Ride. this show is lacking in intimacy but making up by being all heart. could this show be better if they fleshed out and explore more of tawan and his cheating bf's relationship, maybe but i'm happy for what we got. 8/10 mork and tawan were very cutie patootie, i don't remember much about the het and the side couple were just st ok.

Step by Step. man trisanu is exactly the same height at me and i want everyone to know that is the only reason i started this show🤣 . i feels like this show have a lot to say about stuff but i kinda got lost staring at man trisanu while watching. one thing i really loved is the very fem *ตุ๊ด coworker who got to be a real character not just a jokey sidekick and having a loving relationship with a hottie. 7.5/10 can i get more man trisanu in bl plz.

Triage. asshole doctor stuck in a timeloop for him to find the meaning of life, yes plz give it to me. i loved stories about assholes who need to better themself for love and other junk. tinn and tol are both grumpy bitches and i just loved that the show use the timeloop to soften these nerds. at the end i just want to wrap them in blanket and let's them cuddle each other forever. 8.5/10 the last ep is bit convoluted but i forgave the show for that cute clocktower kiss.

You're My Sky. i started this show for my boy suar and he did not disappointed. the pining and the longing for an older boy who been there for you most you life, chef kiss. this show also very beautiful to look at. 8/10 i'm kinda meh about the side couples, i do think they all got the "good ending" for their stories.

Thai BLs that i didn't finish or gave up and skipped to the ending:

Bad Buddy. Oh boy, am i gonna get murder for this??? sorry but idk why i didn't wholeheartedly love and give this show my undivided attention. i watched this show very weird and out of order, i started with the last ep than just watch other episodes in bit and peice. i think i've seen 70% of this show. plz forgive me this is the first thai bl i tried to get into but can't. maybe i need to give this show another chance and watch it properly. or idk maybe cause the way i watched it, it's ruined for me forever. 6.5/10 i loved the rooftop kiss plz don't kill me.

Dangerous Romance. this show is trash and not the good kind, how this show depicted relationship between a rich asshole and a poor boy feels very gross to me. i fast forward a bunch and gave up after the not just dumb but very cruel breakup. 4/10 it's watchable if you ignore the plot and the chatacters.

Hidden Agenda. wow this is the most nothing show that ever nothing for me. it's a perfected white noise while playing chill video games. i stopped watching after ep 8 cause look like there going to be a dumb break up, i have no desire to revisit this show. 5/10 joongdunk were kinda cutes.

The Miracle of Teddy Bear. this show is too god damn long with too many side plots the one and a half hour per episode killed the momentum for me. i liked the show and do think i want to revisit and finish it one day. 6/10 for now.

Vice Versa. why are they giving jimmysea this show. this show is so boring for me, i gave up in episode 6. 4/10 gmmtv give my babies better shows!!

Thai BLs that i've watched all the sex scenes and have no intention of watching the actual show:

Kinnporsche: heheehehhehehe everyone were so hot, too bad i don't like rich mafia story. mile being a nepobaby also significantly killed the mood for me. 55555/dead bodyguards (idk how many there are but i don't care) the ost are bangers though.

Venus in the Sky and Love in the Air. cringe gay sex for the wins. 69/420.

ok, whoo that was a lot. gonna pin this cause i don't think anyone want to read all that in one sitting. i think i'm gonna make another post for non thai BLs in the near future. thanks for reading my unhinged opinions hope i'm not gonna get moider for it 55555555.

#thai bl #bl drama #bl meta #bl shows #dumb boy rambled #i think i got all of them #but idk maybe i'm missing one or two shows #i shouldn't written and posted this at 5 am after staying awake all night but fuck it

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yeetlegay · 2 years

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Not for nothing, the representation of Porsche’s bisexuality means a lot to me as a bi person who didn’t figure out my identity until my early 20s. The journey that he goes through in the first half of the show, from a presumed straight man to a bisexual man in love with another man, is written and acted with so much empathy and grace. Porsche’s feelings about his identity and presentation of self are allowed to be confused, hesitant, and complicated without him being homophobic or misogynistic. The result is a more subtle arc of self-discovery, but such an important one. Porsche may not have deep-rooted internal prejudices but he still exists within oppressive structures that shape all our lives whether we want them to or not. Even though he doesn’t deny or dislike his feelings for Kinn, he does quietly struggle sometimes with the discomfort of being queer in a world that sees queer as “other.”

I think part of why this hits so hard is Apo himself. Now I don’t really follow the actors very closely and I try hard to separate the art from the artist, so I don’t want to place too much weight on this. But I do think Apo really brings a particular level of empathy and nuance to Porsche’s identity that deserves appreciation. Apo has spoken a number of times about how much he struggled with homophobic treatment in the Thai film/TV industry through the course of his career. He was often asked invasive questions about his sexuality, made fun of for the way he dresses and presents himself, and demeaned for being feminine or not masculine enough. It seems to have been a key factor in his decision to leave the industry (and even Thailand) entirely.

To be clear, he’s never made any public statement about his sexuality or gender identity, and it’s no one’s business to presume or ask about how he identifies. The problem was that, regardless of how he actually identified, homophobia had a big impact on him personally and professionally. Homophobia (along with all other forms of hate and violence) doesn’t hurt just queer people—it hurts everyone, because it confines and regulates people’s lives/bodies, and punishes deviations, big and small, from the norm.

Apo has some pretty incredible gender vibes to be honest. Something about his mannerisms, his face, his fashion choices, his presentation, just strikes keen envy in my nonbinary bisexual heart lol. And he brings that nuance into Porsche’s character so beautifully. Porsche gets to be tender as he is tough, someone who cares for his loved ones and shows affection without being demeaned for it. He’s allowed to be this strong, tall, muscular guy without it being prescriptive of his internal feelings and personality and how he presents in his voice and mannerisms. No one (least of all him) is policing his body and gender in the way queer people, particularly queer men, so often deal with. He gets to just be.

The freedom in that, for me at least, feels like a revelation. I feel loved when I watch Porsche, because his journey as a bisexual man isn’t rooted in his own repression or external prejudice. Even when he identified as straight, he didn’t behave or present in a way that was engineered to convey heterosexuality or even masculinity. He was already comfortable in his skin, and figuring out his sexuality was more of an internal journey than one centered on his body and how the world perceives it.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with identity crises/questions/discoveries that do involve repression or homophobia (mine certainly does, thanks Catholic school 🙃). But I think it’s really neat that Porsche’s arc doesn’t, because it brings up questions that often get buried under the avalanche of homophobic/misogynistic/transphobic shit that unfortunately we so often have to wade through to come to our own queer identities. And that’s why I mentioned Apo’s experience, because I really think that as someone who’s had such a hard time in the industry in the past—precisely because he does step outside rigid gender norms—he really gets how homophobia shapes a person’s understanding of their own body. And consciously or unconsciously, he created in Porsche a character who could be free, for fucking once, of that heavy weight around his neck.

So basically, I hope he knows how much that means to a lot of people, not just me. And I hope that playing Porsche has given him some amount of comfort or healing or validation. He gave homophobia and misogyny a massive middle finger through this character, and I hope that and his continued outspokenness about his experience make everyone think twice before policing people’s gender and bodies.

#kinnporsche #why don’t queue stay #apo nattawin #it also strikes me as especially ironic that one of the early discourse vultures we had to bat away from the fandom was bitching #about Porsche and Kinn not being ‘visibly queer enough’ bc they’re ‘masculine’ and ‘straight-presenting’ and Porsche fucks women #just the absolute worst most garbage take (from a queer person!) policing the fuck out of queer men and their bodies right out the gate #while Porsche to me has a veritable OCEAN worth of nuance #and actively bucks against cishet normative ideas about masculinity and queer men #imagine being that fucking focused on prescribing what queerness SHOULD look like instead of seeing what queerness CAN and DOES look like #anyway I fucking love Porsche I love his bisexuality and I fucking love his gender #and I fucking love Apo for giving him to us

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littledrummeraussie · 6 months

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tell me all the things that you couldn't before.

masterlist. | want to be added to my taglist?

warnings: brief mentions of sex. a nightmare. hurt/comfort. lots of loving for Ashton. badboy!mechanic!Ashton AU.

word count: 5435

author’s note: This fic was written back in January, 2020, as part of the infamous A Permanent Chase fic, which I'm not sure will ever see the light of day as it only lives in my head and my heart.

The original concept is the following (to help you understand the fic better):

Ashton (in the beginning appearing as Fletcher) comes back to Sydney, where he starts working at Calum's garage as a mechanic. Shortly after this he meets our girl and starts to pursue her. They do start dating, but after some complications happen, and she finds out Fletcher is not the person he tells people he is, but someone else (Ashton), and she quickly breaks things up between them.

What she doesn't realize is that she and Ashton have met before, just after graduation at a beach party, where they fell in love for a night, but never saw each other again. Ashton does recognize the girl, but she doesn't recognize him for a long time, until finally Ashton does tell her the truth about their past.

The story is a mess - the original idea included gangs and street racing in which Ashton also partakes, lots of chasing after the girl in different places and scenarios, who eventually starts to put together how Ashton really loves her and actually wants to protect her from things happening around the city. (This is a huge reason why I never really worked on the story - I couldn't decide on anything, so it's just a big mess.)

They eventually make up and finally kiss at another beach party (full circle), and decide that they want to start a relationship with each other. There are lot of added stories to them in my mind, all of them following the main story above.

I also realized over the years that in some ways they are kinda toxic, but I cannot help it, I love my babies so much. So if you have any additional questions, please feel free to ask them.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

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It was well past midnight when you realized that there was something out of the ordinary. At first everything seemed to be normal, your night started like any other: you stopped by the garage after work, parking your car just outside the building and greeted the boys who were still working there. You’ve convinced Ashton to finish early, making Calum close up for the night, and dragged your boyfriend up the stairs to his flat.

He was in a really good mood, and with a cheeky grin he pulled you into the shower with himself. His hands were searching and grabbing at whatever body parts they could reach, and after he’d promised you the best fuck of your life, Ashton picked you up to cross the tiny apartment to his bedroom, where he made good on his promise. You were lying in a tangled mass afterwards, watching the last rays of sunshine peeking through the window, painting Sydney in the most beautiful shades of pink, orange and yellow.

You were ready to make some dinner, but Ashton preferred cuddle time, and held you close to his side while he ordered Thai food from one of his favourite places. You spent the time kissing and talking about your day until the guy arrived with your order, and you ate in comfortable silence in the kitchen, playing footsie all through dinner. Usually this was the time when you went out to have fun around town, or just lay on the couch, watching the TV mindlessly, but the last few weeks have been different.

Since you’ve decided to take up some courses to help you with your work, it meant that eventually you needed to take exams on them as well. You had your doubts when you first approached Ash with the idea, but he was supportive, and in his own way, he helped you with your studying and papers. It usually meant buying you coffee or letting you rant about your problems – or ordering food when he thought you could use the extra time. And his apartment was much quieter than your noisy neighbourhood. He did not mind you staying over if it meant cuddles, food sharing and sex – all three of those happened regularly, so he did not complain.

You have already started revising notes when Ashton came up to you and gave a kiss on your neck. You leaned back against his chest, looking up at him with a smile.

“You’re going to bed?”

“Yeah, I promised Calum that I will open in the morning, since someone decided to drag me away early,” he leaned forward to press another kiss on your forehead, his red locks falling over your face. “And I don’t want to keep you away from your notes and books, which are clearly more interesting than your own boyfriend.”

“How tragic,” you laughed, turning around on the kitchen chair to wrap your arms around him. “Please file a complaint, and I will talk to the management.”

“And what will I get as a consolation prize?” he quirked an eyebrow at you.

“Blowjobs.”

“Oh, plural? That doesn’t sound so bad,” Ashton grinned at you, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. “When can I start collecting them?”

“You know how offices work – it might take a few weeks to get an answer,” you bit your lip to hide a smile, and Ash just huffed at you.

“If it was up to you, I wouldn’t get my blowjobs for the next 30 days or so,” his fingers found a way into your tied up hair, slowly pulling out strands and combing them back into an even messier bun. “Any way to file a complaint about filing complaints?”

“I might know someone who can help you,” you tilted your head forward, pressing a small kiss on the skin of his stomach, then quickly blew a raspberry on it. “But only during opening hours.”

“You are terrible,” he laughed, grabbing your face and pulling you closer to plant a kiss on your lips. “Alright, I’ll leave you to your notes.”

“Don’t hog the blankets,” you poked his side, and Ash laughed again, pushing your hand away. “Good night, Cardinal.”

“Is that a joke on my hair?”

“You tell me,” you winked at him, and he leaned back to give you another kiss.

“Good night, you monster.”

* * *

You knew something was up when you heard noises from the bedroom. The flat was really small, with no actual doors between the bedroom, the living area and the kitchen, and at first you thought the all-nighters you pulled would bother Ashton and he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the light on in the kitchen. But he was a heavy sleeper, still and calm, and the only thing that ever broke the silence was his light snoring. But not tonight.

The first thing you heard were the rustling sheets, a pillow thumping down onto the floor, the bed creaking under his weight. There was a loud gasp, more rustling, something hitting the nightstand or the bed frame, then another loud thump on the mattress. More gasps, more heavy breathing – you could hear the panic in the way he was trying to catch his breath, choking on air, like he couldn’t get enough oxygen into his lungs.

You pushed yourself out of the chair, running to the small bedroom to check on Ashton. He was tangled up in the sheets, body twisting around as he tried to kick off the covers, thrashing in his blanket prison. His arms were swinging, trying to grab onto something (or someone), hitting the pillows and the bed with every move. He pushed his head back into the pillow, turning it left and right as he was panting, his Adam’s apple moving almost in a frantic, panicked way.

He was no stranger to nightmares – when he was exhausted or just had a bad day, he would go to bed early, resting his head on your stomach, hugging your body close to him like a pillow, and that usually did the trick. He slept soundly and without interruption. But sometimes he was just so lost in his own head that he forgot about it all, not caring about the dreams sneaking into his sleepy mind, and he usually woke with a start in the middle of the night. He would curl his body around yours, telling you that he’s okay, he just had a bad dream, he will fall back to sleep soon – he only ever asked you to hold his hand during these moments.

But tonight was different, Ashton never had a nightmare like this, one that physically shook him. He was fighting so hard to wake up, but nothing seemed to work. You dropped onto the mattress, climbing closer, and grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him with all the strength that you had.

“Ashton! Ashton, wake up! Ash! Wake up!”

Suddenly he bolted up, eyes wide open, staring at the wall and taking in a lungful of air, making himself dizzy in the process. You shifted closer, climbing between his legs, and wrapped your arms around his trembling body. You held him close, running your fingers over his back, murmuring soft words into his ear as he buried his face in your neck, taking deep breaths, trying to calm his hammering heart.

“I’m here, Ash, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

He locked his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, never loosening his grip on you. You ran your hand up to his shoulder, lightly massaging his tense muscles, caressing his neck, brushing your fingers over his hair. His skin was cold and sweaty, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. His breathing was slowing, and you moved your head to press a small kiss on his temple. He tensed for a second, but then melted into your arms once again.

“It’s alright,” you whispered, still stroking the red locks at the back of his head. “It’s over. It was just a dream, it’s over. I’m here. You’re awake. It’s okay.”

His breath was hot on your neck as he inhaled deeply, nuzzling his face back into your skin. His muscles were slowly relaxing, but he was still tense and sweaty, and a shiver ran through his body. He tried to burrow closer to get more of your warmth, and you let him stay in your arms like this for a few more minutes. When you could feel he was a bit more relaxed, you pulled back a little, lifting his head up to look at you. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, and it took him a few seconds to get out of his daze.

Ashton’s gaze skipped over yours, instead focusing on the chain hanging from your neck. The silver ring he gave you almost a year ago was hooked on a thin necklace, the weight of the metal resting between your breasts, a comfort you never knew you needed. You still remembered the time when he wore it on his finger, playing with it whenever he started getting nervous. He called it a good luck charm, something he desperately needed while he was chasing after you. But once he got hold of your heart, he gave it to you – since then it became something much more than just a piece of jewellery. For you: a reminder; for others: a warning.

His clumsy fingers wrapped around the ring, slightly tugging on it. You slowly tilted his head up again, trying to catch his eyes. His hazel ones finally found your gaze, and you gave him a small smile, lightly running your fingers over his stubbly jaw.

“Hey, you’re okay?”

Silence, then a nod.

“How about you go and take a shower? Get warmed up,” you rubbed his arms, trying to warm his still cold skin. “And I will change the sheets.”

Another nod.

Ash let go of your necklace, slowly peeling himself out of the bed, starting to go to the bathroom, then stopped, looked back at you. You gave him another encouraging smile, nodded at him that it’s okay, you both will be fine, after which he finally made his way out of the room. When the lock clicked and the shower started up, you let out a breath you were holding back. A thousand questions were running through your mind, but you didn’t want to take too much time thinking about them. You wanted to make sure Ashton was comfortable after his nightmare, that he can come back and relax into the bed, wrapped in your arms, and sleep off this horrible experience.

You started stripping off the sweat soaked sheets, pulling out a fresh set from the drawer, working methodically in changing them. After that you opened the window, letting in fresh air, the slight breeze clearing away the remaining shadows from the room. You reached into another drawer, choosing a soft pair of sweatpants for Ashton, and finally went to the kitchen, making tea, waiting for him to finish up.

The lock on the bathroom door clicked, and it opened with a slight squeak. Ash stood behind the door, a towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping on the tiles from his red hair. You stepped to him, holding the pants out for him. He took them from your hands, his fingers brushing against yours as he did, and that made him look at you.

“I made you tea,” you nodded towards the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe. “If you want some.”

“Thanks,” his voice was quiet and small, and he coughed a little to make his throat work. “I– I’ll be there.”

“Take your time.”

You stepped back to the kitchen, piling up your books and notes to shove them to the corner of the table. You knew there was no way you would go back to studying, not tonight. Any exam could wait – Ashton needed you now.

After a few more minutes he emerged from the bathroom, shuffling to the kitchen, and dropped down onto the chair next to you. He sighed deeply, then leaned forward, resting both his arms on the table, and put his head down on them, hiding his face. You watched him, how his back moved as he was breathing in and out. His muscles were still tense, you could see it from the way he was holding himself. You scooted a bit closer, and slowly put your hand on his elbow, a tentative touch. When he did not flinch away, you started to lightly rub his arm, up to his shoulder, down on his back, then back up again.

When you reached the back of his neck, Ash moved his head to the side, looking at you as you stroked his drying locks with your fingers. His hazel eyes were searching you as you were working through the tangled ends, brushing them back from his face. He let out another small sigh when you touched his face, caressing his cheek, which made him nuzzle into your hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, resting your hand back on his arm.

Ashton looked at you for another second, then hid his face back in the crook of his elbow. You waited for him, you knew he needed time to work through the thoughts in his head, to decide if he wanted to face them again. He slowly pushed himself up, reaching for the mug in front of him, taking a sip of his cooling tea. His fingers were running over the rim, circling it mindlessly as he focused on something in front of him.

“You… left me.”

There was silence in the kitchen – his words left you speechless. It sounded silly at first; you knew how you felt about him, how first his attention was unusual, almost uncomfortable at times, and that you wished he would give you just an ounce of space; how you started to miss him when he wasn’t around, how you watched over your shoulder if he would appear somehow, stalk behind you, keeping his distance, but never taking his eyes off of you. You knew he had his reasons to do so, and you learned to love him for that – it wasn’t so hard, he found a way to your heart, and you willingly let him in. You never wanted to let go of him ever again.

“I have no intention in doing that,” you reached out to take his hand in yours, squeezing it. “And no reason.”

“But what if you do?” he whispered, pulling his hand away. “What if you find one?”

“Ash… is this something you’ve been… thinking about lately?” you asked softly, your fingers going up to your necklace, running them over the ring.

He did not answer; his eyes were still trained on the same spot as before. He was drumming on the tabletop, the rhythm getting more and more frantic and complicated. You desperately wanted to reach out and stop him, to make him look at you, to let him know you were there, you were listening, that you wanted to understand. But it seemed he was lost in his own thoughts – thoughts that brought out a nightmare that clearly shook him to the core.

“Ashton,” you said in a small voice. “Don’t push me away. Please.”

Those words made him look at you. Those words were his words, begging you to give him another chance, to make up for the mistakes he made when you met again. They were Ashton’s words, not Fletcher’s; they made you stop in your tracks, made you listen to him. They broke you in a way you’ve known you will never be broken again. That was the first time you’ve really let him into your heart, and you never wanted him to leave.

Ash sighed deeply, slowly turning around in his chair to face you, though his head was down. His fingers nervously twitched in his lap, and he started wringing his hands, looking for the rings he usually wore to play with. He once told you that sometimes he felt naked without them, and he liked wearing at least one to mindlessly spin it around, or take it off and put it back on. You moved a little closer, pushing your knees against his, slowing down his bouncing feet. Leaning forward you reached for him, pushing your fingers between his tightly clasped ones, and interlocked them. There was a slight shake to his hands, and you gently ran your thumb over his skin, trying to calm him again.

“I’m sorry,” he finally breathed, slowly looking up at you from under his lashes. “I’m just… unsure.”

“Of me?” you tilted your head to the side, trying to see all of him. He just shook his head.

“Of myself,” Ashton answered, rubbing your hands with his thumbs. “If I’m good enough for you.”

“Of course you are,” you squeezed his fingers in yours, pushing your forehead against his. “You are my Ashton. How could you not be good enough for me?”

“That’s not what everyone else thinks,” he said with a humourless laugh. “People talk, all over town.”

“Some neighbourhood gossip won’t make me leave you,” you shook your head. “What could they tell me that I don’t already know? I know you, Ash, I know who you are.”

“You have the heart of an angel, and I’m the devil who’s holding you back,” he whispered, tilting his head down.

“Maybe I’ve had enough of heaven,” your hand went to his jaw, slowly tipping his chin up to look back at you. “If hell is where you are, then I’m packing all of my bags to be with you.”

“Y/N…”

“Or maybe they have it the wrong way around,” you continued. “Cause you definitely feel like heaven to me. Maybe it’s not their definition of the place. But screw them – my heaven is all tattooed up and gorgeous.”

A blush coloured his cheek, and he moved closer to rest his forehead on your shoulder, his legs bracketing yours. You were tangled up in each other, silently sitting in the kitchen for a few minutes, Ashton’s hand on your thighs while you played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Then he slowly pulled back, rubbing his eyes – was it tears, or sleep, you didn’t know – and looked back at you again.

“Your parents still hate me,” he added, resting his elbow on the table, leaning his head against his hand.

“They hate everyone,” you answered with a shrug. “They even hate me. That’s not an accomplishment.”

“I’m sure they would prefer anyone else over me,” he searched you with his eyes. “Someone who can give you a real future.”

“What do you think, what does a girl need?” you quirked an eyebrow at him, and it was his turn to shrug.

“Financial security?” he asked, and when you rolled your eyes at him, he continued. “Someone like that guy you work with – what’s his name? Liam?”

“A suit and tie?” you shook your head, putting your hands on his knees to lean closer. “Really, Ash? When I can have you, your jackets and chains, and the fire red Mustang? Well, tough luck, because you’re stuck with me for good.”

“But am I enough for you?” Ashton sighed, reaching for you and holding your face in his hands, making you really look at each other. “I wanna give you the world. Hell, I wanna give you the galaxy. The universe. But I’m just this guy, fixing cars and running my mouth at people. And you… you’re smart and beautiful and could get anyone you set your eyes on.”

“And that’s you,” you nuzzled your face against his hand, looking at him pleadingly. “You’re the only one I want.”

“What if Liam asked you on a date? Or one of the guys at that course? What if you get along so much that you realize that you could just… do better than me?” his gaze slipped down to the ring resting against your chest, saying the next words looking at it. “You know I would do anything for you… but I know I can’t keep you forever.”

“Ash, how long have we known each other?” you asked, reaching for him, brushing his hair behind his ear.

“7 or 8 years. Dunno. Why is that important now?” he sighed, shaking his head.

“What do you think… how many guys did I date during that time?” you questioned him, but did not wait for an answer. “Only two. And you wanna know their names?”

“Please don’t kick me when I’m already down,” he whispered, but you’ve had enough.

“They are Fletcher and Ashton. They are you, Ash. I might have had a few flings and one night stands, and sure, I went on a few dates with guys. But it was only ever you I had a real thing with. It was only you who was ever good enough for me.”

“Then why did you even go on those dates if you didn’t want anything from them?” the question left Ashton before he could stop himself, and you could see him flinch when he realized what he’d said.

“I wanted to know how I felt about other people. I wanted to give myself a chance, see how we could work out. You know – if you never try, you’ll never know,” you shrugged a little while reaching for his hand, slowly interlocking your fingers with his. “And I– I think I wanted to know how you would react.”

“Remember the hole in the wall?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, and you needed to stifle a laugh.

“I was always waiting for you to show up during your dates,” you confessed, squeezing his hand in yours. “You know, just crash them. I wanted you to crash them. I know it took me a long time to let you in…”

“Well, half the time you were mad at me,” he said, leaning closer and resting his forehead against yours. “For one reason, or the other.”

“And in the other half I desperately wanted you to kiss me,” you finished, nuzzling your nose to his.

“You know I would have done it in a second,” he breathed. “I wanted to walk up to every single one of those guys and tell them that you’re… that you’re…”

“Come on,” you whispered, licking your lips. “Say it.”

“Mine.”

“Don’t think I was never asked on dates at my job or at school,” you gazed at him while saying the next part. “I was, numerous times. You know what I say to them when they call me pretty? Thank you, my boyfriend thinks so too. Or when they invite me for coffee? Thanks, but Ash is already bringing me some. And when they don’t want to let it go, I say: trust me, you do not want to meet him.”

“Are you really saying those things?” he asked you, and you nodded.

“I’m also implying that I’m having the best sex of my life, and I don’t plan on giving up on that,” you finished with a smile.

A moment later Ashton started laughing – it was his first real laugh of the night, and he hid his face, trying to stifle his giggles. It was the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. Suddenly the night wasn’t that dark, but instead everything seemed to start to glow a little bit. It was Ashton’s smile, shining through the blacks, dark blues and grays of the night, warming up the chilling air around you, shifting everything back to your usual teasing, but loving normal, the one you’ve built up together.

“I love your smile,” you whispered when he finally looked back at you, still trying to catch his breath. “I know I’ve always told you that you should wipe that grin off of your face, but god, I’m happy you never did. I just… there are so many things I just love about you that I’ve thought I hated before. Like your snake tattoo, or your loud car and obnoxious sunglasses… your terrible jokes and sexual innuendos, and how you never fail to say them at the worst times… I love your stupid red hair, and…”

“My hair is not stupid,” Ash mumbled, a smile still playing at the corner of his mouth.

“No,” you shook your head, reaching once again for him to brush your fingers through his red locks. “No, it’s not.”

Ash nuzzled closer, closing his eyes for a moment to enjoy the caresses and light tugs on his hair, making a small noise that almost sounded like purring. He turned his head, brushing his lips against your wrist as you wrapped a curl around your finger, pushing it behind his ear, stroking your hand down his cheek and jaw. Hazel eyes followed the movement of your fingers until you ran your thumb over his chin, and his gaze finally found yours.

“Can I kiss you?” you asked him softly, pulling back a little to see his face.

“Are you asking for permission?” there was another small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and a slight blush coloured his cheeks.

“Just checking if you are in the right headspace,” you returned his smile, and he nodded shortly.

“I would love that.”

Without a second thought you leaned forward, one of your hands sliding up the back of his neck and into his hair, the other one cradling his jaw, tilting his head a little to the side. His breath was hot on your face as you moved closer, cheeks and noses brushing, lips slowly pressing against each other – one soft, the other slightly chapped. You kissed his bottom lip, moving to the top, nuzzling closer and closer, until he opened his mouth and let you kiss him deeper, brushing his tongue against yours as you both tasted the other. Ash made a needy little sound as you nipped on his lips and kissed his chin, his jaw, brushing against his cheek as you nudged your nose against the soft skin behind his ear.

“I chose you, Ashton. I’ve been choosing you every single day since that night on the beach, and I’ll do it as long as you let me. I’m freakin’ in love with you if that hasn't been clear before,” you breathed softly, kissing the shell of his ear. “You’ve been on my mind for the last 8 years, and if that’s not love, then you have to find a better word for me, because I’m failing here, and you know I’m good with words. But you just have this effect on you where I completely lose my sanity, and I would gladly give up on it forever, if it meant I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Ash reached for you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you out of your chair, and sitting you on his lap. His hand rested on your thigh, keeping you close to his body, as his fingers ran through your hair, guiding your face to his again. It was his turn to kiss you, and he started with the softest of touches, just to feel each other’s breath on your lips, the warmness of the other’s skin, the shiver running through you when you’ve finally lost your patience. Noses and lips pushed together, and he kissed you deeply, tongue brushing against yours as you were holding onto his shoulders. His scent clouded your mind, his touch burnt your skin, and you never wanted this moment to end.

“I love you,” Ash pulled away just enough to brush his lips against yours as he spoke. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You pressed another kiss on his temple, cuddling closer in his lap to feel as much of his skin as you could. His arms wrapped around you more strongly, and he rested his head on your shoulder, pushing his face into your neck. For a few minutes you’ve stayed like this – slow caresses on waists and backs, fingers brushing over hair and tattoos, lips leaving small kisses wherever they could.

“Come on,” you ran your thumb over Ashton’s cheek. “I think it’s time we go back to bed.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to keep you away from your studying,” he started apologizing, but you shook your head, smiling at him.

“Screw exams. You’ll always be my first priority,” you tugged a little on his hair, tilting his head up towards you. “How does that sound to you?”

“Like something I’ve always wanted from you,” Ash returned your smile, then reached for your hand to kiss your knuckles. “Thank you, beautiful.”

You climbed down from his lap and reached for him to pull him up from the chair. You made our way back to the bedroom where the sheets were freshly changed and the pillows fluffed up just as Ashton liked it. He hesitated for a moment – the nightmare was still fresh in his mind, and even after you’ve talked through everything, he was still a little bit shaken from it.

“It’s alright,” you leaned against his side, pressing a kiss on the tattoo on his arm. “I’m here now.”

“I’m– scared to fall back to sleep,” he admitted, then sighed deeply. “It’s stupid, I know.”

“No, Ash. It’s perfectly normal,” you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Don’t ever feel ashamed, especially not because of your dreams. You’re human, it’s okay to fall sometimes. I’ll always be here to pick you up.”

“How did I get so lucky?” he turned to you, gathering you in his arms for a hug, resting his head on top of yours.

“Must have been that lucky charm of yours,” you answered with a smile, feeling the ring resting between your bodies.

“You are my lucky charm,” Ashton whispered, brushing the hair back from your face.

“Well, then you should definitely hold onto me.”

He huffed at you with a smile, shaking his head. You pulled him down on the bed, both of you getting comfortable under the blankets – Ash scooted as close to you as he could, nuzzling his face between your head and shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him, letting him rest his weight on you, running your fingers through his hair.

“You smell so good,” he mumbled against your skin, pushing his nose to your pulse point. “Am I not too heavy?”

“You’re perfect where you are,” you continued brushing your fingers over his curls, skimming them over the back of his neck, down his shoulders, then back up again. “How are you feeling?”

“Like maybe I will be able to fall asleep,” he breathed, then reached for the ring hanging from your neck. “Is it okay if I stay like this?”

“Your peace of mind is worth every numb limb and hours spent awake,” you kissed his forehead, then the hand holding onto the ring. “You would do the same for me. And just so you know, you make an excellent pillow.”

“You too,” he closed his eyes, resting his hand back on your side, cuddling close. “Will you… will you hold my hand? Please?”

Without another word you slid your fingers against his, interlocking them. He squeezed your hand in return, letting out one last sigh as he slowly let go of all the tension that kept him awake. His body melted against yours, muscles relaxing as his breathing evened out, and in a few minutes all you could feel was his light snoring tickling your neck. You brushed your fingers through his hair again, pressing one last goodnight kiss on his forehead before resting back against your pillows.

Ashton slept soundly in your arms, head resting on your shoulder, arm thrown over your waist, fingers interlocked on the bed. He fit perfectly against you, his weight all the comfort you needed in your life. You would have stayed up all night just to make sure he had no more nightmares, but his soft sleepy sounds slowly lulled you to sleep too. The last thing you remembered was his lips brushing against your neck as he shuffled in his sleep, and you fell asleep with a smile on your face. You knew for sure he was your forever – and you planned on reminding him of that every single day for the rest of your lives. Even if it meant chasing away his nightmares every night. Because he was worth it.

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin fanfic #afic: a permanent chase #series: a permanent chase #ashton irwin fanfiction #fiction time

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creadigol · 8 months

Text

Finally! I have a continuation of the Villain/Photographer prompt!

Villain and Photographer Part ii

I hope you all like it!

Photographer sat in their living room, looking out at the rain as it aggressively streaked down their window. The light sounds of vintage music from the ‘30s and ‘40s echoed from their kitchen, but it didn’t give them the comfort and focus it usually did. Not with them in the kitchen. Cooking like it was a normal Wednesday evening. Asking Photographer what they preferred, carrots or peas? Potatoes or noodles? Every now and then Photographer would ask that they go out and get something from the Thai place or sub shop, just to see their unwelcome guest’s reaction…

Photographer learned early on that such suggestions were not appreciated.

So here they were, looking out their own window, sitting on their own couch, getting ready to eat their own food…all while a prisoner in their own home.

“I added a little paprika to the stew, hope you don’t mind, I like a little kick to my food.”

Photographer worked hard not to flinch at the voice as it entered their space. They tried their best everyday not to show any semblance of emotion towards Hero, no matter how long they kept them here, no matter how much they threatened them. Photographer wondered how long they could keep doing it.

“You like a little kick to a lot of things,” Photographer replied. Like thugs, ruffians, Villain…and most recently, Photographer’s stomach.

Hero let out a long sigh, as if dealing with an impudent child.

“You know,” Hero said sweetly, “We could stop this whole dog and pony show if you would just agree to my terms…and tell me where the film is. Honestly, I can’t see why you’re being so stubborn. It’s not like anyone even supports you on this.”

Photographer didn’t look away from the window. It was true, no one supported them on this. Hero already had Reporter and Editor in their pocket…Photographer was the last piece of the puzzle to control everything in the popular news agency. Everyone in the city trusted their agency to be the one to tell the truth, that was the whole reason Photographer had started it with their friends in the first place. It seemed Photographer was the last to hold out.

Hero walked closer to them, leaning over their head and looking at both of their reflections in the window. They spoke close to Photographer's ear.

“What are you even doing this for? Pride? Stubbornness? Some silly inclination that you’ll be the triumphant whistle blower of a whole conspiracy? Please, no one really cares what the truth is anymore. They never did…”

They gripped Photographer’s shoulders painfully, “Or maybe you think you can win?” They shook Photographer, their head almost hitting the glass of the window.

“You can’t win…just give me the film and do your job as I say and your freedom will be restored to you.”

You liar, thought Photographer. If I agree, my freedom will never be restored…not truly. They chose to remain silent. Closing their eyes so as not to see their reflection so close to Hero’s in the window.

“Dammit Photographer!” Hissed Hero, their grip relentless. Photographer flinched at the tone. “You know what I’ll have to do if you don’t relent soon! You think I want that? Think about all we’ve been through! Why would you make me do that?”

Instinctively Photographer tensed up, sensing what was coming next from Hero. This had become their normal nightly routine in the last two weeks. It always ended with Photographer in pain on the floor.

Knock, knock, knock. They both swiveled their heads towards the apartment door.

Hero abruptly let go of Photographer and took a step back.

“You know the drill,” Hero said to them. “I’ll be in the kitchen finishing dinner. Get rid of whoever it is quickly. If not,” Hero gave a sinister smile, “you know what happens to them.”

Photographer only nodded. So far they had been good enough at lying to dissuade anyone from wanting to come into the apartment, but they knew if they messed up even once Hero would make good on their threat. They would probably even enjoy it.

Hero walked into the kitchen and Photographer heard the music being turned down.

With a fake steady step Photographer walked over and looked through the peephole.

Holy shit! It was Villain!

At first Villain had been worried that no one was home. Maybe Photographer moved? Went on an extended vacation and that was why they hadn’t been on the job in a while? Maybe took a job with someone else for a while just to avoid the politics of this city for a bit? But that thought soon fled their mind as they heard music from within the apartment on their approach. Old vintage…yeah, that seemed like Photographer’s style.

The music abruptly went down after they knocked. Villain waited for someone to answer.

They heard a small gasp on the other side of the door. Then the sound of a chain lock being removed.

Their heart jumped into their throat. What if Photographer told them to sod off? That they were the villain everyone saw them as? What if this was the wrong apartment?

The door flew open.

Photographer stood there. One hand on the door handle, the other clenched in a fist in front of them. They looked…god, they looked terrible.

Photographer’s eyes were sunken, dark circles outlining them and emphasizing emotion that Photographer was usually able to put away during a job. They stood slightly hunched, like their ribs were bothering them, and rather than stay in a fist, their fingers were moving and twitching like crazy.

My god, what happened to you? Villain wanted to shout. Instead they waited for Photographer to say something.

“Why are you here?” Photographer said in a calm and confident voice which did not match their appearance.

“I…” Villain took a breath. “You haven’t been underfoot taking pictures lately.”

Photographer’s hand made another movement and their fingers snapped impatiently.

“Perhaps because there’s nothing worth taking pictures of. The last time seemed information enough for the public.”

Villain felt their anger rise.

“And you just take it at face value then? I thought you were better than that.”

Photographer’s hand made flippant gesture. The other still on the door handle.

“Face value is my trade, in case you didn’t notice. Perhaps you should be talking to Reporter about this and not darkening my doorstep with your schemes.”

“As if…” Villain trailed off. Photographer was twitching their hand so badly now it was hard not to take notice.

H E L P

Oh….OH.

“Well excuse me for living,” Villain finished.

It was taking a moment. The other hand was still on the door handle so they could only do one letter at a time along with simple gestures.

“You’re excused. And while you’re at it, please inform whoever gave you my address that despite my love for putting images in the public eye, I myself enjoy privacy so if they could refrain from sending anyone else here…” Photographer kept signing as they spoke.

Trapped…Hero here…trapped…can’t leave…please

“I will. Can’t say I’m surprised…You’re all the same in the end,” Villain said it with disgust as they avidly watched Photographer’s hand.

Have film…hide film…Hero want

“Well, news is news. Whatever gets readers is all I care about,” Photographer flipped their hair out of their eyes. Villain saw a deep bruise on their neck. If they weren’t so focused on Photographer’s signing, they would have been overcome with rage.

Hero was so going to die for this.

Know truth…no trust…alone…alone…trapped…please

Villain nodded that they understood the message as they said, “Then I guess I’m done here. No more excuses now you know. I’m not going to avoid you when I let off an attack or let you take as many photos as you want…no more telling the other villains to leave off. You’re on your own now.”

If it wasn’t for the reassuring look on their face as they said it, Villain was sure these words would have broken Photographer who looked so close to collapsing under some unseen pressure.

“Fine. Goodbye.”

Photographer swung the door closed, but not before seeing Villain sign back.

You’re not alone.

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absolutebl · 1 year

Text

This Week in BL - a new #1 for me from Thailand

Nov 2022 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 1&2 of 11 - Apparently VIPs get the next episode early. So I watched both. It’s a good story and a great set up and it opens with one of my favorite under appreciated Thai actors: Plustor (as Vee) in a side bartender romance with younger Game. Sunshine bisexual himbo + older tsundere = YES! Gimme! Main character, Mum, is your bog-standard player. (I weirdly love how they translate clubs & bars as “pub” in Thailand - and yes, I get that it ties to the history of the area.) Kinda fun street fight. NO SINGING. Game is BL’s new bisexual king! I will brook no arguments on this matter. Omg kisses already? This is a well paced story! OhmFluke man, can’t knock the visuals, their eye connection and sympathetic chemistry work is good. I never believe they wanna bone but I do believe them falling in love. ALL HAIL QUEEN MINT.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 4 of 12 - This is such a fantastic show. I’m so glad they got OhmFluke back to play sides and support roles, it’s really making the found family aspect shine, especially in contrast to Win’s real family. This one is very complicated and deep and kind of modern. Very much the opposite of UWMA but in a good way. WATCH ALONG HERE.

My School President (Fri YT) 1 of 10 - it’s Love Sick + Korea and Japan's influence. Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but this is me: I never met a high school BL I didn’t want to grant a fair shake. At the very start we get self with a whistle and NO SINGING. Yay! Fantastic beginning. Our tiny music club president/idiot is definitely giving me Noh vibes & our suave student president definitely giving me Phun vibes - bonus this time no girlfriends! It moves this out of Love Sick arena, which was all chaos bisexuals, and into just completely gay. I’m happy with that and I like the dancing and the marriage on his mind. New candidates for one braincell friendship group from GMMTV (they love this archetype). Tinn is already pining and so completely gone. On a completely different aside, I really want a lesbian romance between Gun’s maa and the principle. I have a tiny ship sailing off to one side.

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI)10 of 12 - holy crumbs outta nowhere, Batman. Lots of relationship chat not enough shirtlessness, but since I’ve been binging Oh! My Sunshine Showering Night it’s no problemo. Also yes, Nahi does look and act a lot like Joanan, Ai totally ended up dating his mother.

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 8 of 12 - Champ’s storyline is dull, although I like the actor. Yay, JaFirst got together!! Cute line, “can we skip being friends and just be in love instead?” LOVE THEM. Please can we take Mean out of that wig now? Why are the straight’s so boring? The Name stuff continues to upset me.

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 3 of 12 - When these two are sweet together, they are really very sweet and I actually kind of like it. I think Noey uses ter because he’s younger, and doesn’t want to use phi.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 9 of 12 - while 609 and Between Us are v good, this is currently my favorite BL airing by a mile. The conversation between the young one and the bar owner made me hoot with laughter. “Are you trying to speak the language of adults?” probably one of the BL’s best put-downs. All the dialogue really: “Are you gonna make him tie himself in a red bow and send himself to you?“ “That’s nice. Can I choose another color?” It’s so fucking cute. The courting with food, and everybody taking photographs of how happy the dentist is. I can’t even with this show. Add the cutest smiles kisses, this is GREAT. I did in fact clap.

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 9 of 11 - Man, this show really makes me laugh so hard. Especially the cat character. I love how they called out the fact that they actually have customers for a change. Jealous Milk made me cackle so hard it scared the actual cat on my lap. How are they going to end this happy? In Strongberry we trust. Just repeat the mantra ABL, just keep repeating it.

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 7 of 8 - It takes me a lot to work up the courage to watch this show on Fridays. It’s so sad and traumatizing. But it’s also so good I can’t stop. I have to watch Tooth on either side of it to comfort myself. All that to say, it’s as we all expect: Michan is holding so hard onto Koichi that he has anchored him from death through shear force of will. Also… SWITCHES? Although, does it count if it’s necrophilia? Asking for a friend.

Oh! My Assistant (Korea Thurs Viki) 1-2 of 8 - This has a very JBL feel (including the title), don’t get mad if I get confused. Anygay, this is a very silly show that acts like it comes from a very silly yaoi. Out gay younger seme (we stan) pretending to be tsundere is smitten by chaos bi uke puppy. And they gave us a very interesting new take on crash into me. It’s racy but in that way Korean does racy, like Love & Leashes. Cheeky racy.

Happy Ending Romance (Korea Thurs Gaga) 3-4 of 8 - This is such a complicated show about profession, ego, reputation, safety, and trust, but not much about romance. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to Leo portraying evil (see most of his guest MV’s and half of VIXX’s) but I can’t trust his character, and I’m not sure if I’m meant to. Is that the romance? Or is this a romance about an editor’s love for a writer’s work? Or for the writer himself? And is there a difference? Meanwhile, I’m getting a bad feeling about the ending of this one. And yet... How much did I love the dialogue around love and possession? So much.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

2 Moons 3 (Thai Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

Till the World Ends (Thai YT) 10 eps - ?

Why You... Y Me? (Thai Weds YT) 10 eps - It's not primarily a BL, but another meta show about BL shipping, with side BLs. @heretherebedork is watching it, ask them about it.

In Case You Missed It

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai (16 eps) seems to have ended HAPPY! This is a soap opera so next time I have a day off I may binge and trash watch.

GAP the series (Sat YT) is a classic office set romance. WATCH IT! It’s GL and this studio needs our support! I’m enjoying it but not chronicling my journey. (Also, the stairs are back!)

I decided to binge watch Oh! My Sunshine Showering Night. What a wild ride.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Dec 9: Semantic Error movie (Viki) - the repackage, rumored to have some added footage

2022 still to come?

Dec 19: Chains of Heart (movie? theaters?) trailer Suspense thriller about a forest ranger, smugglers, memory loss, and lost love. Stars Haii (Cirrus in TT2) and Poppy (Porpla in YYY). Adapted from a Y-novel of the same name by TJ Tommy. I don’t know if this is still releasing or if C19 impacted it. Delayed until Feb 2023.

This Week’s Crimes Against Fashion

Between Us punishing their crumbs.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I LOVE HIM. (609)

I love them! (Between Us).

Magic crumbs (Ai Long Nhai)

Truth (Ai Long Nhai)

Cats.

Me.

Also me.

(last week)

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odessa-castle · 1 month

Note

HOW is your writing so good??? Did you make a pact for unspeakable power??? (That joke might be in poor taste). Anyway Im just trying to say I really love Nothing Like The Sun and greatly appreciate you writing and sharing it. Although I cannot wait to read more, please take your time resting/recharging, especially after all this amazing writing!

My questions:

I was wondering how you’d describe Branwyn. Asking cus I love her and want to attempt drawing her. Also just any other facts about her you wish to share!

I’m also wondering if you’re willing to point out another Shakespeare reference in your fic. Im intrigued but not well read enough to spot them lol.

Oh my gosh, thank you for all your kind words! And I'd be over the moon if you decided to draw Branwyn, so let me describe her as best I can!

Branwyn is a gold dwarf -- I haven't pinned down her exact age, but she's in whatever the dwarven equivalent of early/mid-forties would be. Let me break the rest of this into bullets so it's not a total wall of text (and so I can put all this behind a cut):

Branwyn has tannish-golden skin with warm undertones, dark brown eyes with an epicanthal fold, and a broad, flat chin.

Branwyn has thick brownish-black hair -- her hair would have a bit of a wave to it, but she wears it long enough that the curl pattern's been stretched out quite a lot. She usually wears her hair in a single long braid, reaching about midway down her back. She doesn't have bangs, but shorter strands of her hair do tend to escape her braid and frame her face.

She has high cheekbones, a wideish nose with a relatively flat bridge (although it's been broken more than once), and her lower lip's noticeably fuller than her upper one.

She has plenty of scars. I described a few in chapter 11 (the vicious gnarled scar across her nose and cheek; the shining band of skin around her neck, like a burn that never quite healed right), but those aren't the only ones. She's spent most of her adult life as a mercenary, after all.

Build-wise, Branwyn is about as stocky and muscular as you'd expect a dwarven fighter to be, lol. She's broad rather than curvy. She's usually in her Flaming Fist uniform/armor when she's speaking with Wyll -- when she's out of uniform, she's probably just sticking to a simple shirt and trousers.

idk what the queer scene looks like in Faerun, but Bran is a butch, full-stop. It's very sexy of her.

Some other tidbits about Branwyn:

Bran wears her hair long as a fuck-you to Thay. In Thay, shorter hair generally means higher social status, and the most powerful Red Wizards shave their heads bald so you can see all their tattoos. Slaves, in contrast, are forbidden from cutting their hair. After Ulder helped Bran escape, she decided to keep her hair long, because she didn't want to end up associating short hair with freedom and bring that piece of Thay back with her.

Branwyn has been married twice (and divorced twice). Her most recent marriage took place frankly too soon after she joined the Fist -- she and her wife stayed together a while, though, and probably should have split up sooner than they did. Wyll was in his preteens while this was going down; he worried about her, but he didn't really know what to do, and he felt bad about that (even though, like, he was a kid, of course he doesn't know how to deal with these things).

Bran loves Wyll dearly, but she's also very mindful of the hierarchies at play between them. Ulder has always been Branwyn's commanding officer, and she doesn't think it's her place to openly challenge or confront him about how he treats his son, or to act as a parental figure to Wyll in Ulder's stead. It's part of why she's so insistent about calling Wyll "milord" -- she's trying to remind Wyll that he needs to be mindful of the social expectations at play. Ultimately, I think their relationship can best be described as a lord and retainer type of deal -- a prince and his exasperated but fond knight/bodyguard -- until the end of Part One, when Bran finally says "fuck protocol" and helps Wyll escape from Baldur's Gate.

Bran's got a huge soft spot for kids. She swears like a sailor, though, so she has to check herself around them a lot.

As for your second question, a lot of the Shakespeare references are more structural than direct! Like, you know, a messenger rushing in at the wrong moment to deliver news of an impending catastrophe, and creating a tragedy of timing. One of my personal favorites, though, is the little nod to the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet in the scene where Cazador forces Astarion to expose himself to the sun. What light through yonder window breaks indeed -- although it's anything but soft.

(Yes, I know what “but soft!” means in the context of that line, but let me make dumb jokes.)

#the ask and the answer #loonyoz #nothing like the sun

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formayhem · 9 months

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Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @twig-tea! Thank you!

I've never really talked about my favorite BL/QL ever, and I'm definitely not able to write in depth analysis or think pieces. I do know what I like and appreciate, though. :)

Below the cut I'll say a lot of not profound and probably stupid stuff. Yay. 🥳

Favorite Thai QL:

I Told Sunset About You (special mention to My Only 12%, besides its last episode, and before I finally watched ITSAY)

This really is no surprise, for anyone that may have encountered my posts here and there. My journey in BL is still ongoing, but I watched this one early this year, after spending half a year during 2022 writing it off. In my defense, I wasn't on BL Tumblr back then, and I just took one look at the trailer, and said, "no".

Then ITSAY came to Viki. I distinctly recall texting my friend that I was starting it, telling them I hoped there was something in it for me because it "didn't look like what I like" (I had no idea what I liked in QL series for way too long).

ITSAY wrecked me and surprised me. My viewing was a visceral one that completely and irrevocable transplanted me back into my own youth, causing me to relive falling in love with my best friend in middle school/freshman year, our summers of a love so consequential that I'd think of it in 2023, while watching a series, crying on my couch, and resonating entirely with two boys I'll probably never forget about, either.

Funny how I almost never watched Teh and Oh-aew, because then what series would I write love letters in my head about? It's beautiful to look at, to watch unfold, to listen to, to hear, and to feel.

Favorite Pairing:

Pete & Kao. I think this pairing may always kind of be my favorite for sentimental reasons. And no one wants to read that novel.

Favorite Pairing That Never Came to Pass? Oh, you didn't ask? Well,

Kim & Way from The Shipper because I was so invested in what they had going on, and I will remain forever sad that That's It (even though I sincerely appreciate a bittersweet ending).

Most underrated actor:

Up until recently, I would have said Suar because his work in You're My Sky wounded me. Except La Pluie has happened now, and people really adored his character there.

I also would have said Gawin, but now we have Be My Favorite (which I have yet to start)...

Maybe Fluke Pusit. He's in a lot, but I'd like to see him take a lead in a QL. I just think he has the range, okay. I want to see it.

Favorite Character:

(a 2 part and this will be a trend, clearly)

Teh from ITSAY

Because I am a Teh, through and through. I love how deeply he loves, how brash and thoughtless he is while thinking so deeply almost ALL of the time that he is literally frozen in fear of his present and future. This character is for all the idiots out there with bleeding hearts and who want to make everyone happy and forget what being happy themselves feels like. Cheers.

Mork from My Ride

Mork is just so sincerely GOOD. From the first episode, I admired this character and the warmth and kindness he exhibits. He is just everything decent and sweet in the world, okay?

Favorite Side Character:

Instantly I will say MAE from 3 Will Be Free. I wanted so much more of her story and her time with Tur, and I want to see her HAPPY. I want to see her okay.

And then the 2-part (3, 4 part.. ) not asked for:

I really like all of Mark's side characters (Jedi especially). I like Chot from Step by Step so so very much. I love Cheep and Dej, the uncles from My Ride, and I want to know everything about them.

Favorite Scene in a QL:

I refuse to list an ITSAY scene again (but pretend I have listed every single scene from the series, because I have, mentally).

So, I'll say from You're My Sky, when Vee and Dome sit next to each other, and we get the moving closer, wanting to touch, knowing they shouldn't, to fingers brushing, to pinky holding, all framed from behind, without their faces and so full of ALL the feelings.

Also basically every night scene that exists in Moonlight Chicken, especially thst first drunken night:

And I lied, I will mention ITSAY: Teh and Oh on the floor, under the stairs, and floating on the water. The red bra scene.

The first two scenes have me in a chokehold for their depiction of desire and longing and confusion and shame, the wanting, the running. The floating scene has me in a chokehold because I love how much deeper their conversation in the surface is, when I became more than a casual listener and heard it. I love that it's about their feelings and how they handle them, and the first time I listened, I just really thought they liked floating and sinking, okay? And Oh-aew and the red bra is another 10 paragraphs no one asked for.

It's actually a goal/plan to go back and view my 5 & 4 star rated series because I have the memory of a goldfish and can't SOURCE MY FACTS OR FEELINGS, but it's all really real, and I know I'm overlooking everything and just listing basic memories here. Ugh.

Favorite Line in a QL:

That's sooooooooooo impossible!!!!

Pat's "it was so depressingly lonely for me" in Bad Buddy.

"Time flies, right?"/"It flies too fast for me to follow." SOTUS S

"You think you're sending out a certain frequency no one hears like that whale. But I hear you." 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

"In that moment, I realize if he's the bravery, I must be the fear." Not Me

and on and on and on, and this is Thai only, but there's also like 20 sad Korean/Tai quotes in my brain because I like SAD quotes.

oh, and shout out to Fluke as Army screaming "what the fuck" on loop in my head from The Warp Effect.

Most Anticipated QL (& why):

I think we are all very excited about Only Friends because it's going to look outstanding and be fun, and it's got an amazing cast. I'm most excited for Neo and Mark. And the wardrobes for every character.

Outside of OF, I'm excited for After Sundown, just for the supernatural/horror aspect and because it looked pretty in the trailer. I'm just mehhh on the actual pairing of the film.

annnnnnd Cherry Magic just because I have a Tay Tawan soft spot forever. 😅 I don't actually keep up with what's "coming soon" in BL/QL, so I'm sure there are amazing things in the works that I'm unaware of.

Healthiest relationship in a QL:

Wait, you guys watch healthy relationships??

Kidding... Heck, I don't know. I personally want whatever the gay uncles in My Ride have. And I am realizing the next series I need to watch is UWMA because it keeps being mentioned...

Most toxic relationship in a QL:

VegasPete and TharnType (although I guess one could argue they were both into how unhealthy it was, but not for my viewing pleasure)

Guilty pleasure series:

SOTUS. It was my first BL series back in 2018, and I feel like I've seen so much better series and films since then, but I get stupid comfort out of this show.

Also, Enchanté seems like a guilty pleasure because so many people dislike it, and I don't feel so strongly. I like to play it and make memes of every side eye and disgusted look Akk gives.

Most underrated series:

I still will say You're My Sky, even after seeing He's Coming to Me. Hell, I will say both of them, but for entirely different experiences.

They both are entirely made up of basically everything that almost all of my favs share, and they're sprinkled with helpings of what I look for in series now and going forward.

Personally, I want to say all of my Top Ten Loves are underrated, just so I can have more people to talk about them with. 😤

Thanks for reading!

#thai ql tag game #thai bl tag game #me talking about stuff in a very Just a Dude Who Is a Guy way while everyone else can write masterpieces

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mejomonster · 1 year

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Chapter 140 is serious and hurting my heart sure. A lot. I'm scared cause I've seen a Tao ran spoiler so let's not talk about that.

On the lighter side of things, I do Love that hey. In canon? Luo Wenzhou actually calls himself "Dad" with fei du. They really went for a whole daddy scolding/caretaking kink together lol. Also I find it very soft that Luo Wenzhou holds fei dus hand for support. I haven't read many danmei so I don't know how often physical affection tends to be in them, I'm obviously only able to compare to Shows which even when explicit BL (like Thai shows) have often been reserved (with some exceptions recently). And like. It strikes me how naturally Luo wenzhou and fei du actually touch. They Are established relationship now, so it makes sense they'd gradually have gotten comfortable touching, but it's really just Present in the writing in a way that I feel like constant just familiarity touch to connect isn't always. I appreciate it.

Luo Wenzhou was silent too long. Fei Du lifted his chin and looked him over for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

Luo Wenzhou looked up at him and let his mind wander a little, thinking that Fei Du was unlike any other person he knew.

The young and artless were like clear plastic bottles; you could see at a glance whether there was juice or coke inside. The older ones with deeper thoughts meanwhile were like frosted glass bottles, most with dark liquid in them; without opening them up and smelling, it was hard to determine whether it was soy sauce or vinegar.

But Fei Du was neither. He was more like a kaleidoscope with a thousand linked-together little pieces of glass inside it, all placed at different angles; the light going through was refracted countless times. There was no way to trace it.

Even though he was squeezing this person’s hand, could touch every bit of his body without restraint, he still often didn’t know what Fei Du was thinking.

In all of Luo Wenzhou’s life, of all the individuals he had met who gave him headaches, Fei Du came out on top—both during the time they’d been mutually displeasing to each other, fighting as soon as they met, and now, when he wished he could hold him in his mouth, carry him over his head.

If a year ago someone had said to him that at the end of this year, he’d be this isolated and cut off from help in a world of ice and snow, only finding temporary comfort in holding Fei Du’s wrist, he definitely would have thought that a fuse had burned out in that person’s brain.

“It’s nothing.” Luo Wenzhou shook his head and smiled wryly. “Just feeling the grimness of an early midlife crisis.”

Fei Du blinked, then suddenly drew close to his ear with an evil smile. “What, shixiong, do you feel your abilities are unequal to your ambitions? Why didn’t you say so earlier? I’ll look after you.”

Luo Wenzhou: “…”

Then he pulled himself together and squeezed Fei Du’s waist. “Are you looking for trouble again? I haven’t settled the account with you yet after you were just playing around touching people’s hands.”

Fei Du’s eyes wouldn’t open fully. His gaze came languidly from between his eyelashes. He licked the corner of his mouth. “Oh? How do you want to settle this account?”

Luo Wenzhou didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Darling, Dad’s already very sick at heart. Don’t do your little bit to help me on my way to my heart attack.”

Hearing that he could talk back, Fei Du slowly sat up straight and returned to the main subject. “What are you worried about?”

Luo Wenzhou let out a breath, his smile dimming. “Do you know what feeling this gives me?”

“Yes. Kong Weichen’s connection to Director Zhang and him calling him beforehand are both too easy to investigate and too obvious, like someone’s arranged the evidence,” Fei Du answered without so much as looking up. “Your own people suspecting each other, the critical witness dead without giving evidence, pieces of evidence appearing one after another in sequence—you’re thinking that this is too much like the miscarriage of justice fourteen years ago, just as though history were repeating.”

#silent reading #lb

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rlwsrocks · 2 years

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Day 16 nov 22, 2014

We convinced our guide that leaving at 7:30, a half hour later than our scheduled departure would be ok, so we were able to sleep in!!! I think we need to think of another name for what we are doing because it's not a vacation in the traditional sense of the word.

The hour+ ride through the countryside was made especially interesting by passing through the salt fields once we were near the ocean. They flood fields that look similar to large rice fields with ocean water, then when the water evaporates, they remove the salt layer by layer with the top layer being the cleanest.

This area about 100 km southwest of Bangkok is a plantation area where bananas and coconuts are grown. We went to a local place where they process sap collected from palm tree flowers into palm sugar...really delish and sweet with a coconut underflavor. I was afraid to bring it back partly because it might not make it through customs and partly because I would eat it all.

Another market...the train market, so called because a few times a day the train runs right through the market to deliver products; at those times, the stalls that are on the tracks have to be moved out of the way. This market has everything, but with a concentration of fish and seafood, and is huge, but still much smaller than the one in Bangkok. And there are motorcyclists riding up and down the aisles, besides delivery carts, to add to the confusion and chaos of the atmosphere.

We took another boat ride through the canals to see the country version of water homes. They are much the same but with more space between some of them and more foliage from the plantations behind them. We also saw more human activity, children swimming and jumping into the canal, women standing on the front steps waist deep in water doing the laundry, men and boys repairing broken boards on the houses, as well as a few water monitors, the local alligators, which they say are not dangerous to humans.

The floating market of Damnoen Saduak was crazy...I think I would have appreciated it more had we merely observed from the land side rather than from a boat in the water, but I must say it was a unique experience to be a part of that many boats maneuvering in the small space of a few canals. I don't know if it's called "grid lock" when it involves boats, but it was crazy!!! Another, "ya had to be there" way of explaining the madness.

What was really the most incredible though was that no one got frustrated or angry. If a person on one boat wanted to buy something from a vendor in another boat selling Phad Thai, all the traffic around had to basically stop while the vendor finished with her other customers, then made the boat person's Phad Thai, which could take 5-10 minutes...and EVERYONE was doing the same thing so it was a case of pretty much nothing moving, but a lot of jostling. I think Andy and I were the only impatient ones in the whole market.

On the way back we visited yet another floating market, this time, for locals.

We also stopped at the Jim Thompson house which was lovely and had a nice story to go with it, but we bypassed the official tour and just wandered the lovely grounds of the early 1900's local style mansion which is now a museum with well preserved artifacts.

By the time we got back to Bangkok it was almost 3:00 but Sara wasn't done with "marketing" us yet! Now it was time to see the Chinatown markets and temples (thank goodness you don't have to take shoes off for Hindu temples because I don't think we could have). Here the aromas were distinctly Chinese as opposed to the Thai herb smells we had become used to. AND I tried the disgusting smelling fruit, durian, from a street cart!!! I was so proud of myself...the flavor was sweet and delicious but I wasn't crazy about the texture and stringy parts.

Today we had even less time to shower and change for the hour+ cab ride to our restaurant, Nahm. It was amazing and I once again had tears streaming down my cheeks and blisters on the inside of my lips but I loved every bite...I had larb...thanks to Heidi and Javier in MV I knew what it was and that it would be spicy. I was sad to be eating my last meal in Thailand, but it was a special one with the most delicious dessert.

It was only a 1/2 hour ride back to the hotel where we fell into bed for our 5:00 AM wake up to fly to Bali. Sad to be leaving Thailand.

Sent from my iPhone

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fairykukla · 5 months

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Season's Greedings, 2023!

Every year I try to post my Greed List (What I want for Christmas" which includes the even more vital "Do Not Want" list.

Do Want:

1. A functional dishwasher.

We have one, we've had it serviced several times, and I don't think it's ever going to properly wash dishes again. It needs to go away, a new one needs to be installed, and I have terrible decision fatigue about figuring out which one I want. I want it to wash dishes. I don't even fully understand the choices I'm faced with.

You can contribute in one of the following ways: cash or electronic transfer donations to the dishwashing fund, solid recommendations for a specific make and model, or bad "features" I should avoid.

2. Laundry on-site: I own a washer and a dryer. The washer is down in the basement, but has nowhere legit to drain. The dryer is still at my neighbors' house, in the garage.

You can either be part of the team to bring the dryer home and set it up, or throw some cash at the plumbing problem, or offer assistance to solve the plumbing problem.

Those are the Big Things. Here's the little stuff:

A handcrafted card. I'm a sucker for those, and it will be kept, treasured, and probably displayed every year for a long time.

BJD shoes. All my dolls have lost shoes due to the vinyl or adhesives disintegrating. I need all kinds of shoes, particularly in 1/4 and 1/6 scale.

Shoes for me. I need a good solid supportive pair of shoes to wear to work.

Feed my dish collections: black octagonal glass pieces are always welcome. (They say "France" on the bottom.) Also Steubenville Woodfield pieces, particularly the dinner plates which seem hard to find. All colors welcome.

DVDs: we can't stream, so I need hard copies of anything I want to see. I'd particularly like Marvel stuff (especially recent movies, I'm way behind), Leverage Redemption, anime, or something unusual that you love and aren't sure if I've seen it yet. Ditto for CDs.

Funny collectables: I still love gnomes, mushrooms, fairy aesthetic items, the Nightmare Before Xmas, Tea Party items, etc.

Cat toys. My cats like them and I love to play with my cats.

I do like shiny jewelry, but I appreciate handcrafted items the most.

Hand crafted items. Support an artisan and it's like getting two gifts in one.

I still love to get Lush gift cards. One year I got several and it was The Best Xmas Ever.

Toilet Paper. I am always delighted to receive disposable paper products like TP, paper towels, paper plates, etc.

Food: teas are always welcome. Heck, just bring me a bubble tea and I'll be thrilled! Candy is super tricky; I'd rather get a card and warm wishes than candy. Baked goods are welcome early in the season, but I really don't want a bunch of sweets in the house the week before I give up sugar altogether. (Jan 1) There are very few places I can go to eat, but I'd love gift cards for Thai Nivas, any sushi place, Panera, Cafe Mochi, or Pearl.

Food that you canned yourself. Jam, jelly, apple butter, even regular pickles (because my partner likes them) or, if you want to see me happy-cry, pickles with no garlic or onion in the mix.

Experiences: indoor things are fraught. However, if you want to give me a gift card for The London Tea Room (or better yet, offer to take me for tea) I would love it. Outdoor concerts or performances might be ok, but talk to me about it first.

Do not want:

I have a lot of post Covid issues, as well as my pre Covid IBS problems. Add in my Big Sugar Fast from Jan 1st to late March, and suddenly certain holiday standards don't work for me.

No MSG. This means soup bases, seasoning packets, salad dressings, flavored snack chips, etc. It also means no Alfredo or tomato sauces, and no mushrooms.

No garlic, onion, chocolate, coffee, or peanut. None. Zero. I can't have it in the house. Cross-contamination is a problem. If one molecule gets in the food I can't eat it. These were all things I loved to eat before Covid; now they are completely and totally ruined for me.

Try not to make me part of your Christmas cookie baking. May I suggest instead that you bake some salt dough "cookie" ornaments, and paint one to give me for my tree? Cookies and sweets are cruel unless you give them to me very early in the season.

I hope this helps.

#2023 #seasons greedings #greed list #2023 greed list

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little-girl-big-world · 2 years

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4 day weekend

Omg, i love activities and fun. i mean don't we all but god it gets me going. i just came out of the best weekend i have had in a while and it was so great!! Lets do a play by play below:

Wednesday evening - we had work drinks at Dr Morse which were really fun, had a bit of a dance, bit of a flirt with Tom and work mate bonding. Can't beat it.

Thursday - woke up with the incredible feeling of 4 days off ahead. I met Tish for a coffee in Northcote, which was really nice and special. Then skated home to meet the crew to go to Williamstown for the day. Nathan had organised a day of activities in true Nathan style. We took the train and lay on the beach, I even went for a dip! We then went for a walk along the coast and finished up at a rooftop bar before training back to Melbourne. A nice little escape. We then eagerly awaited Emma to land in Melb, i fell asleep in Nathan's bed.

Friday - we woke up eager for a fun day ahead exploring. Emma, Ruby and I walked to the Abbotsford Convent to show her around, we then ended up in Fitzroy at had some sweet treats and coffee at Falco bakery. We did some shopping before heading to Anna Crotty's to pop in for Phie's birthday lunch. I then went to meet Tish and all her mates for a pub crawl she had organised in Fitzroy North. I then ubered to the city and Emma, Ruby and I went to Music Room for an Espresso Martini at Her Bar. We then went to Punch Lane for dinner and then went to NGV Nights. Boogied to a DJ and went to the Picasso exhibition, a bit drunk at this point. Then ended up in the parents room - it was crack up. We then met up with Nathan and Vince at The Carlton Club in the city which I was sceptical of but was sooo fun. We danced all night, I met this 30 year old who was buying us drinks and I enjoyed his attention but I later found out he had a child...

Saturday - woke up a bit dusty but ready for the day ahead. We went to South Melbourne markets and got almond croissants and coffee. We also went to Hector's Deli for Eggplant sandwiches. We then ended up at Yarra Botanica for a drink to celebrate Grand Final Day. Everyone was feeling quite exhausted and dusty, so I headed to Sarah and Mira's for their Grand Final celebration and watched the game on the TV. I then went to a house party on Punt Rd with Kate and came home pretty early - I was shattered, ate Pad Thai on the couch.

Sunday - woke up a bit dusty again but pushed through. Emma, Ruby and I headed to the city and got coffee at Maker and did some exploring. We then got Fish Bowl and sat in the Botanical Gardens, it was beautiful and sunny. We then strolled through the gardens and headed to High St in Armadale for a bit of shopping. We then ubered to Carlton, and met Nath and his parents at Johnny's Green Room for a drink before going to Hairspray in the city. The musical was SO great, I loved it, even though I was soooo tired by this point. We then met Vince and had Biang Biang noodles for a late dinner.

Monday - back to work, but the fun wasn't over. I met Em, Nath and Ruby at Marion after work for dinner, which was divine. We then managed to get a spot at Above Board, a secret little bar on Smith Street and had delicious cocktails. And that was the end.

What a weekend!!! I spent an exorbitant amount of money, but you know what it was so worth it. It was so special to spend time with Em, I forgot how much I value her as a friend. It really made me realise how much I appreciate my friends from uni, they will really be friends for life and will always be people I can count on. I am so lucky and grateful to have them.

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seokwoosmole · 2 years

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F4 Thailand Thoughts Ep 7 (Pt 5)

RIP to Kavin and MJ's lost sanity in this episode. Ren's a little sh*t, isn't he?😂 Homie really put on this big-time f-boy act to rile up Thyme and dragged Kavin and MJ into it so they could all get beat up just so Thyme could verbally admit that he loves Gorya. I mean, it was an effective method, but was that really the only one you could think of??😭 Poor Kavin and MJ being collateral damage smh. At least they're all fine now. I do NOT want to see F4 fighting again. Can this pretty pretty pretty please be the last time?? I know in both MG versions, Daoming Si and Lei were basically a married couple on the verge of divorce like 24/7, but I hope F4 Thailand just calls it quits on the marital strife at this episode. When Ren asked how it felt fighting it out and Thyme replied "It sucked", I couldn't agree more😩🤚🏽 And thank you Tia for calling Gorya; I love their friendship, she's definitely subtly coaching her into becoming a sister-in-law. I love Gorya's relationship with F4 too, how they seem to have adopted her as an honorary member. That means, because Thyme loves Gorya, they will too. That also means, Gorya loves but gets extremely frustrated with Thyme...and they have to pay the price too😂 I really like the separate bond that Gorya seems to be forming with Kavin through Kaning; I hope she gets to have a similar relationship with MJ as well because all 5 of them have such good chemistry together and it would be a shame to not showcase it to the fullest. Also, not Ren ratting out Gorya calling Thyme her boyfriend. Where's the loyalty?😭 On a more serious note, I loved Gorya's apology...but I was missing Thyme's?? I don't think that just because Gorya was at fault for something clears Thyme of blame. Regardless the context and build-up and reasoning, the way Thyme behaved with Gorya in the classroom was not okay and he should have apologized along with a promise that what he almost did will never happen nor will he come close. I'm not a fan of how that was just brushed off. Though I am very glad about the scene after with Thyme's monologue, closing of Kosher Stadium, and the promise of no more violence and stopping the Red Cards for good. I think the trope of the "he hates everyone except for her" guy is so overrated. I like the "he used to hate everyone but is trying to be better and kinder to other people not just her" guy better. I never felt that the previous Meteor Gardens achieved this, but I admire the writers for making that attempt here in F4T. I really appreciate that Thyme said "You make me want to prove that I deserve you." He acknowledges that he is still very flawed and is not yet worthy of Gorya, but will continue to make efforts to better himself so that he can one day be worthy of Gorya's love. And thennnn there's the beautiful comedic Thyming....ba dum tssss... Anyway, if there is anyone that speaks Thai, would y'all tell me if Thyme's typos are actually what the English subs say they are? I'm no stranger to subs changing the original dialogue for the sake of a smoother or more comedic translation. Tagalog movies do it allll the time and I've seen it here and there in some Kdramas. So someone please tell me what Thyme actually said or if the words entrée and entry are actually similar in Thai. Also...why did Gorya come home so late?? Like it was not that late at night. Why does it look like late morning/early afternoon?? Did they seriously stay at school that long?? Did they go somewhere?? I want answers. I also want Thyme's mother out of Gorya's house and her relationship with Thyme. But that's a conversation for next week😐

#f4 thailand #bright #bright vachirawit #tu tontawan #dew jirawat #win metawin #nani hirunkit #meteor garden #thai drama

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astranva · 4 years

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Reason To Hate You.

// masterlist //

Word Count: 5k

Category: Angst

Warning: Some strong language, as usual. Just angsty. It’s good for the skin and some soul cleansing.

Summary: He loves her, but has no time to show it even when she asks him to. But she’s had enough, and Harry writes a song.

Based on Reason To Hate You by Rhys Lewis.

You were sure when Harry sang “comfortable silence is overrated” he wasn’t joking, because maybe your boyfriend appreciated the uncomfortable silence more, or at least he had been showing so.

Familiarity was out of the window when it came to the both of you, because that would be an understatement. Your friends and families had joked about it for the one year and 7 months of your relationship, about how you were one soul in two bodies, how alike you and Harry were and how the differences completed one another.

You knew when he was stressed, sad, nervous, even when he was a combination of every emotion there is and it had always assured you that he, too, knew you like the back of his hand.

One look at you and he’d offer the best support; let it be a shoulder to cry on, a celebratory dance, or a shared cup of blueberry yogurt.

But quietness had barged in like an univited guest, one you weren’t ready for and the more you thought about it, you would have never been ready for it.

Empty was one word to describe it; the bed, the kitchen, the living room, the balcony, the house, the trips to the grocery’s – the relationship.

It began around the time of Fine Line’s release. Biting back your tongue, you had managed to not feel small whenever you listened to all the tracks on there that Harry had on his ex, especially the one that had his ex talking at the end of.

But Harry had showered you with love and assurance, telling you that he couldn’t believe he had ever lived without you by his side and how he had never felt this sort of love with anyone.

You, too, had showered him with affection and the undivided pride you felt for him, making sure all your friends and family purchased the album, playing it at all times, working online so you could accompany him to some of his press because he needed you there with him.

“Mom’s birthday is coming up. I think we should get her that dress she talked about last time, remember it?” You had asked one night as you lied in bed, eyes on your boyfriend as he moisturized his face while standing in nothing but his boxers.

Harry glanced at you before looking back at the mirror one final time before walking to the bed, “I don’t, no.”

“The Marc Jacobs o-“

“When is it?” He rushed, getting under the cover, turning away from you before turning his head back to look at you.

Your lips parted before closing again, before you replied. “Friday.”

“This Friday?” And at your nod, Harry pursed his lips, “I’m sorry, baby, I can’t make it. Have a meeting all day to talk about tour.”

“But H, you knew about this for two weeks.”

“I did?” Sheepishly, Harry asked.

You slumped before shaking your head, “It’s alright. I’ll just tell her you had an emergency or something.”

“You do that.” He nodded, reaching behind him to give your thigh a squeeze, “Get whatever gift you want, pay with my card.”

You didn’t reply, watching as he let his head down on his pillow, back to you as he got comfortable, the only light in the room coming from the lamp on your bedside table.

On the day of your mother’s birthday, you remember the halfhearted smile you offered to her when she asked you where Harry was,

“Says he’s really sorry. Family emergency, but this is from the both of us.” And then you had given her the neatly wrapped present, a card attached to it with a birthday message from you and Harry, only that it was only you who had written it because Harry was up and out of the house the minute you opened your eyes that morning.

And then it happened, again, and again, and again,

and some more.

“Good morning,” you had smiled at him one morning, watching as he rubbed his face before he approached you, capturing your lips in a kiss that had the butterflies in your stomach cheer and dance, “How did you sleep?”

“Fine, love. What about you?” He smiled tiredly, hands on your waist and chin on your shoulder from behind as he watched you flip the cheddar cheese and omelet toast on the pan.

“Great.” You smiled when you felt him rub your skin from over your nightgown with his fingers. You turned off the stove before turning, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck, leaning to peck his lips, “Hey, I know we always get Chinese takeout for our Sunday night date but how do you feel about Thai?”

And instantly, Harry tensed, guilt already taking place on his face and the smile on your face faltered at the change of demeanor, “Y/N, I’m sorry, lovie, I can’t make it tonight.”

“What? Why? We never skip on our Sunday night indoor date.”

It was a ritual you and Harry were devoted to since the very beginning of your relationship, and not once had neither of you flaked on it, always having plans around it but never during it because it was when the both of you would kick your heels up, pig out, watch a movie, talk, and just get ready for the start of another week.

“Told you I’m going to Miami for a few days to meet with the director for Watermelon Sugar, baby.”

“You’re travelling?” You frowned, “You never told me.”

Harry paused, eyes going slightly big before he looked away for a moment before looking back at you, “I’m sorry. It must have slipped out of my mind with how hectic everything has been.”

You didn’t reply, suddenly feeling a tad uncomfortable with your position which had you remove your arms from around him and turn, holding the pan and moving out of his grasp to put the toast on his plate.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. It’s just my job and I can’t reschedule.”

You sighed, feeling as if your heart strings were being tugged at. Nevertheless, you managed to give him a small smile. “It’s alright, H. I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do.”

To be honest, if anyone had a say in this, they’d say Harry took advantage of how accepting you were, but you would never. You would never say – nor admit – that he was taking advantage of all your “I understand”s and “I get it”s, because you knew he was busy. You knew he loved you. You knew it, until you weren’t so sure anymore.

Standing in the corner of Adam and Emi’s living room, you sipped on your Sprite as you watched people from Harry’s band and those behind the album mingle, your boyfriend standing out of earshot but in front of you, conversing with Tom – Kid Harpoon – and Naomi, his hands moving around as he talked which made you smile a little.

“Why are you standing here all lonely?” You felt a nudge to your shoulder before you looked beside you, seeing Sarah leaning on the wall beside you.

You shrugged, “Just watching.”

“You never texted me yesterday after your date. How did Harry react to your dress? Did you end up wearing the white sh-“

“We didn’t go.”

“-oes? Or- Wait, what?” Sarah frowned.

“We didn’t go on the date.” You repeated, avoiding her eyes by looking down at the small soda bubbles in your cup.

“Oh,” Sarah’s shoulders slumped, taking notice of your gloomy mood, “Oh, um,” she cautiously looked at you, “You were dressed.” She mumbled with a frown, genuinely sad for her friend.

You chuckled, putting your weight on one leg, “So was he, but we had different intentions, I guess. He had a meeting with Jeff.”

“Y/N…” Sarah, with a frown, offered a hand of support on your shoulder.

With a small, very fake smile, you looked at her and shook your head, “It’s alright, really. He’s been busy with tour and the press and all that.”

“Doesn’t make him less of an arse, you know?” She raised an eyebrow.

You only chuckled, looking down at your shoes, “Don’t worry about it. Hey, at least I got to watch that show you’ve been bugging me with.”

You were patient; something many of the people you knew in your life always praised, some even were in disbelief at how patient you were with the shit life threw at you. Like that one time your laptop lagged in the midst of your presentation at uni and instead of freaking out, you remained calm, collected and patient, and it was why you ended up acing that presentation.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t feel like crap, because you did.

Since communication was key, you had decided to do just that – communicate. Harry was better than you when it came to confrontation. For a long time, you had trouble with approaching anyone and telling them that things weren’t fine, but as yours and Harry’s relationship blossomed, you learned to.

It was why you had decided against going to bed early one night and opted to stay and wait for Harry’s return, knowing that it was the only time you would be able to see him with how tight his schedule had been.

In a crewneck of his and plaid pj pants, you sat on the couch with a cup of green tea in your hands, watching a talk show that you mentally criticized as shit in your mind before you heard the click of the door.

Taking a breath to steady your heartbeat and breath, you put aside your tea before you clutched your hands together, cracking your knuckles nervously as you heard the sound of Harry’s home sliders against the floor.

His face showed confusion at the light being turned on, knowing that by that time, you usually slept, but he saw you sitting there, too in your head as you looked at your fidgeting hands to notice that he was a few steps away.

“You’re still up.” He stated in surprise, watching your head snap to look at him.

“Um, yeah,” you nodded, “Was waiting for you.”

Unknowing why, Harry smiled to himself as he approached you, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple, “Yeah?”

You nodded, “Can we talk?”

And then his smile slightly faltered, eyebrows furrowing in slight worry before he sat. “Are you alright?” His hand reached up to brush your hair.

You hated how loving he was that moment, how he made you feel. How he showed you care when he was there for a few minutes, but you hated how he had trouble showing you that by making time for you.

“Harry,” you began and he immediately felt like shit because you rarely use his name, “Are you ever not going to be busy?”

“What?”

You felt stupid, not knowing how to articulate how you’re feeling but gave it another go anyway. “It’s just that, you’re never here anymore. It’s always the album, meetings, press, and when it’s none of those, then you’re out with your friends-“

“Is this about me cancelling that date?”

And you knew he was starting to get defensive and you made note that you hated that, too.

“Which one?” You asked tiredly before sighing, turning fully to look at him, “I’m not asking you to choose between me and your job, your life, but I’m just asking you to make time for me. I just feel out of place, Harry, and it sucks.”

“You know this album is important to me, everything about it.”

“And I absolutely love all that for you, I’m so proud of you,” you held his hands, “I just miss you, that’s all.”

“But Y/N, that’s-“ Harry let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes for a moment, “That’s my job.”

“It’s not your job to cancel on our quality time more than twice to be with your friends, all of whom you see everyday.”

“I see you everyday.”

“Seeing me when I’m sleeping or kissing me goodbye is hardly anything, Harry.” You said gently.

He contemplated it, staying silent for a few moments as he looked down at your joined hands. “What do you want me to do?”

“Just, make time for me, for us – please?”

You had kissed then, almost like a promise, and for the first time in a long time, you cuddled.

You wished you received enough assurance that he was trying, wished to see it, but it seemed like too big of a wish to come true.

You had a career of your own, one you were proud of and worked hard for, so when one day your boss asked you to their office to break the news of your promotion, your smile might as well have resembled a painted one like the Joker’s, from ear to ear.

Your colleagues had cheered for you, even interns approaching you to tell you that you deserved it, and they had all decided that a celebration was due. While they were planning for the celebration, deciding that it would take place at a nearby pub the following day as it Saturday and Friday was a good day to recover from hangovers, you took out your phone, composing a text to Harry.

‘H, please be home early tonight. Big news! 🥳 Love you!’

“You sure you don’t want to join for a quick drink? You earned it.” Your colleague Mariah asked as she walked you to your car.

“I’m sure. You go have fun and we’ll meet tomorrow.”

“Hey, tell your boyfriend to tag along!” She said as she waved before leaving.

That day, you went back home, showered and changed before cooking a nice meal for yourself and Harry.

You had checked your phone multiple times, checking if you might have missed a response or missed a call but granted, your phone only notified you of few congratulatory messages from people in your workplace and your family’s Whatsapp group after you had shared with them the news, none from the one person you longed for.

When the clock struck 8 that night, you found yourself grabbing your phone, tapping on it until you were calling his phone. One missed call, you called again and that time, he answered.

“Baby, I’m in the middle of something.” Harry rushed.

“What is it?” You found yourself asking.

“Mate! You fucking cheated!” You heard him laugh, sounds of different people in the background, “Don’t wait up, yeah? I have to go now. Love y-Wait, I’m coming!” And with one final laughter from him – a sound you had always loved and cherished but that moment, it only made you feel like crying – he hung up.

You stared at your phone, eyes stinging and nears getting itchy, swallowing the lump in your throat before you angrily tossed the phone onto the couch before walking to the kitchen to eat your share of the food. No way in hell were you going to sleep sad, angry, and on an empty stomach.

You hated how small you felt, how you felt unwanted in his world. It wasn’t like you wanted much either, just some time.

It was why the following morning as you got ready for your day at work, you might have loudly closed a drawer or two before looking over at Harry’s sleeping figure.

Huffing as you looked into the mirror while adjusting your top, you were unaware to Harry stretching and rubbing his eyes before you heard him.

“Good morning, love.”

Your heart raced, turning instantly to look at him. You tried to smile but when that failed, you turned back to give yourself a final look before grabbing your bag, mumbling a halfhearted “good morning.”

“Leaving early?”

You nodded, “Yeah, I want to grab donuts before I go.”

Harry smiled sleepily, “You usually get them donuts when there is good news.”

“I got promoted.” You said, still avoiding looking at him as you walked towards the door, lingering by it before you finally looked at him, finding him looking at you with a grin.

“Really? Baby, that’s wonderful! Congratulations, Honey. You deserve this. C’mere.” And he opened his arms, making grabby hands at you.

That moment, you also hated how you couldn’t fight the urge to go to him because that was exactly what you did. You walked towards him, sitting beside him and letting him embrace you, peppering kisses on your head.

“I’m proud of you.”

You sighed, wrapping your arms around him as you closed your eyes. “You are?”

“Of course. Always am.”

You smiled, nuzzling your head into his neck.

Harry wasn’t dumb – he felt it. You missed him, and he, too, missed you. He just couldn’t seem to say no to all the plans that he was invited to – except yours.

“They’re celebrating me tonight. Do you want to come?” You said, and although it was a little muffled, he heard it.

“Tonight’s Steve’s birthday. Remember hi-“

“Oh my God.” You rolled your eyes, pulling away from his embrace, shaking your head at yourself before letting out a chuckle, “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

“Why? What did I- Y/N, you know I can’t miss it. Steve has helped a lot with the album, it wouldn’t be right.”

“He helped with-“ You laughed bitterly, “Right, and I have never helped you with anything. Nothing at all.”

“Don’t take it like that, Y/N.” Harry huffed.

“I’m not taking it like anything, Harry. It doesn’t matter. Don’t wait up. Oh wait,” you stood, giving him a sarcastic smile, “You never do.”

And with that, you were out.

Any other time, you probably would have felt guilty. You would have felt like running back into his arms the moment he opened them. Only, he hadn’t called you, nor had he opened his arms.

There you were, sitting on a stool at the bar as your friends danced and drank, sulking with an untouched cocktail glass, staring at the door every time someone walked in.

But 7 became 8, 8 became 9, and before you knew it, you had driven one of your very drunk colleagues home at 12 and you were back home at 12:30, too sober for your own liking. That was a pathetic celebration, you thought.

You weren’t sure why but the moment you stepped foot inside your shared home with Harry – it was initially his but by the 12th month of your relationship, he had asked you to move in – you couldn’t stop the tears.

Ugly sobs broke the silence in the house, your body shaking with the extra weight of emotions it carried for months.

Maybe it was because even then, Harry wasn’t home and surely, he wasn’t beside you as your friends celebrated a big event in your life. Maybe it was because you received a notification that Harry had posted to his close friends story list on Instagram, the story being him holding his phone with the front camera, Harry singing along to a Queen song with Alexa Chung as she had one arm around his shoulders, her other hand holding a cup that resembled the miserable cocktail you had earlier to celebrate yourself.

But you were packing a suitcase.

You were neatly folding some of your clothes in it, putting some of your undergarments in the zipped-up area. You hadn’t bothered to quit crying, you figured that you owed that yourself.

One thing Harry didn’t expect to return to was to see you out, closing your car’s trunk as you stood in your black sweatpants and a grey hoodie, comfortable sneakers on your feet and your hair left with no hairbands or as much as a clip as if you hadn’t bothered to do anything with it.

Quickly parking and turning off his car, his eyes had glanced at the time quickly, finding it reading 2:21AM. Harry was quick to get out, noticing your movement to your driver side halt as you heard so.

“Where are you going?” He asked as he approached you, feeling worried and scared as he stared at the back of your head as you were yet to turn.

But you did, and Harry found himself staring your puffy eyes, tears in clouding the color he loved too much and his heart broke.

“I’m leaving.”

If it was possible, his heart would have beat its way out of his chest.

“L-Leaving wh-where? What?”

You sniffled, wiping your eyes with your sleeve, “I’m leaving, Harry. I’m done.”

“Y/N, baby,” he cooed, stepping closer, “Let’s talk, alright?” He gently put his hands on your arms, only to have you shrug them off, breaking his heart even more and causing a lump to form in his throat.

“No! We’re not going to talk, Harry. I’m done talking. I’m done waiting. I’m done being alone in this fucking house – in this- this fucking relationship!” You cried.

“Baby, please,” his jaw clenched as he tried to control his breathing and to push back the tears, “Y/N, please. Don’t do this.”

You shook your head, “I gave you everything. I tried everything and it’s just not working. I’m done giving, Harry. Please, just understand.” You stepped closer to him, cupping his face, “You’re never here for me anymore and I’m done holding on to the ghost of you.”

“What can I do? Anything, please,” his nose reddened, eyes going tearful as he was just about to melt in your hands, watching you shake your head, “Please, lovie, anything.”

“I’m done.” You whispered in the midst of a sob, leaning forward to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “I tried.”

And with that, you got into the car before speeding off, leaving Harry standing there, his heart seeming to wave him off as he watched your car disappear.

He was shit.

He had tried to contact you, even tried to visit you at your work only to get told that you were taking a few days off.

He messaged you everyday for 3 weeks, called and left voice notes.

His friends felt bad for him when they knew, but they felt worse when he broke down one day when his band visited to check up on him,

“If only I wasn’t part of all of this! If you didn’t drag me into all of this shit, she would have still been here! Right here in her fucking home with me!”

“Hey! You got no one to blame but yourself. You’re the one who decided to blow her off every time, even when Mitch and I asked you about her and gave you an earful so don’t fucking put the blame on anyone but yourself, Harry!” Sarah had knocked some sense into him, “I love you and all, but this is all you and whatever will happen next will be you. Don’t wait for anyone to pick up your mess because it’s about time you act and show her you love her.”

He deserved that.

Harry had tried countless of times, visited your old apartment only to face an old man holding a puppy who had no idea who you were.

He found himself sitting in his studio one night – where he slept because he couldn’t bring himself to sleep in your bedroom – his journal perched up as his pen worked on it. It was like he didn’t need to think about it, he went on auto-pilot and before he could realize it, he had written a song.

You weren’t any better. 2 months later and you were still avoiding his calls. It didn’t help that you got another phone and number but kept your old one, only to know that he still remembered you and you felt pathetic for it.

His fans were bombarding you with questions on yours and his whereabouts, saying that you’ve been inactive for way too long and it wasn’t like you to not interact with them, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t pretend that everything was fine when it wasn’t.

By the 3rd month, you began to go other places than your workplace.

You met up with 2 of your friends, giving them short answers and “yeah”s as they talked. With your mind being somewhere else, you unlocked your phone and opened Instagram, checking your explore page.

And there it finally was; a picture of him. His beard and moustache had grown, untrimmed and messy as his hair. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses, yellow sweatpants and a grey hoodie worn along with his running shoes while he walked.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you opened the photo, checking the caption to read it;

‘Harry out a few minutes ago!’

As fresh as your favorite home baked pastries this photo was. Your eyes moved from him to the shop behind him, zooming with your fingers before letting out a gasp.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” One of your friends asked.

“I have to go.” You quickly said, slinging on your bag before you shot out of your seat and outside, frantically looking left and right before walking towards the shop you had seen in the picture.

You didn’t even know what you were doing. Hell, you shouldn’t have been doing that, looking for him like that.

You panted, reaching up to place a hand on your rapidly beating heart as you stood in front of the shop.

God, you felt stupid.

“Y/N…”

You heard it, then you felt it; his hand, gentle on your shoulder.

You turned, coming face to face with the man you had sworn up and down was the love of your life – and you knew he still was.

He snatched off his sunglasses, as if they played a trick on him but they weren’t because you stood right there.

“You’re here.” He breathed out.

Harry’s green eyes were staring into yours, hand still on your shoulder.

At the feeling that rushed through you; one that made you feel that one more minute and you would be in his arms, kissing him and going back home with him, you slowly shook your head. “I have to leave.”

“No, please, please, a minute. Just a minute.” Harry pleaded with wide eyes, desperation in his voice.

“If I stay for one more minute, I won’t control myself. Please let me go.” You closed your eyes as you spoke softly.

“I can’t.”

“You can. You did it more than once.”

One final jab to his heart, you turned, rushing to cross the street before getting in your car.

The news of a sudden single drop was everywhere.

Friends and family texted you to ask if you had heard the song, most asking you to “please talk it out with Harry, he seems really sorry.”

Your coffee, sat waiting for you as you read the wave of tweets that crashed on you from fans, most of asking you what your friends and family asked of you, some others apologizing on his behalf, some others questions if the song was about you to begin with, and some others giving you shit for “breaking Harry’s heart.”

You were quick to click on a YouTube link that was attached to a tweet of a fan reacting to the song, sitting up straight and suddenly feeling nauseous as the screen changed.

Harry Styles – Reasons To Hate You.

Your stomach dropped as you saw him. In a white tee and black shorts, his hair was held back with your light blue clip while he sat in a chair behind his mic in the comfort of your home studio, holding the black guitar you had gifted him for his 26th birthday.

“Can you just lie to me

And ruin these memories

'Cause I've gotta forget somehow

So I'm begging you, burn us to the ground,” Harry sang as he played the guitar.

“Cause I know it's over

But I don't know what to do

So help me get over

Help me get over you,”

With no intentions to stop the tears, you let yourself cry, reaching up to stifle a sob by putting a hand to your mouth.

“And tell me you love somebody else or something

Or say you've been unfaithful to me

'Cause I need a reason to hate you, a reason to let you go

A reason to move on 'cause without one I know I won't

So tell me you love somebody else or something

Or say you've been unfaithful to me.”

He had looked up to his camera, and as he did, you felt like he was physically there and singing for you.

“Where do we go from here?

Do you just disappear?

'Cause I don't think I can be your friend

When it feels like the break isn't gonna mend.”

You stopped questioning your moves, and as proof, you had no idea what you were thinking when you grabbed your car keys and bolted out of the studio apartment you had rented, the song still playing.

“'Cause even after all this time, I'm hoping I can change your mind

'Cause hope's the only open door left to choose

So let me out for good because I know that I'm not strong enough

To stop myself from feeling things for you

So don't give me the truth.”

And you drove to him, right back to your home.

The song had replayed itself 4 times before you were finally out of your car and rushing to the door, ringing the bell and knocking, cursing yourself for forgetting your keys back at that apartment.

The door opened and there he stood, in the same clothes with the same clip holding back his hair.

Harry didn’t have time to comprehend before you threw yourself at him, crying into his chest.

“You’re such an asshole.” You cried, “How can you release something like that, you shit?”

He held on to you, hiding his face in your hair as he took you in.

“Next time, even an album won’t bring me back, you understand?” You mumble, feeling his arms tighten around you as he kissed your head then shoulder.

“There won’t be a next time.”

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