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sjullay · 9 months

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Why the Film Adaptation of Red White and Royal Blue Missed the Mark

By Sera B

*This is my word vomit response essay to the movie and I didnt go back and edit it so sorry for any typos or grammar issues

** I use the word queer a lot, it is a word I believe is reclaimed and it is one I use to refer to myself

As an avid lover of Casey McQuiston's work, I was excited when I heard their 2019 novel Red White and Royal Blue was being made into a film. As a queer person, I have loved the author’s contributions to LGBT+ storytelling for both YA and romance readers. Their writing brings light and joy to queer stories while making me as a reader feel seen and understood.

So I will briefly start with what the movie did well.

All of the important scenes were there… The kiss, the turkey, the lake, the museum, etc. The movie gave us a line drawing of the plot while the book gave us the statue of David. The casting of Taylor Zakhar Perez and Nicholas Galitzine as Alex and Henry was in my opinion and fantastic choice. These two clearly understood their characters, had fantastic chemistry with one another, and showed amazing emotion throughout their acting. They were so gentle with each other and you could feel the love between Henry and Alex even with the pitfalls of the plot. Secondly, the physical intimacy was fun, and sexy, and fairly accurate. You would not believe the number of times I have yelled at my tv screen because a queer couple in a show is having sex in a position that doesn't make any sense for queer sex. Additionally, there were a few fun details that brought a smile to my face. Most notably the British Prime Minister is portrayed by a black woman, and the choice to bring on gay icon Stephen Fry as the King of England (instead of the Queen of England as written in the book.

So let's get on with what was wrong with the movie (and sadly it was quite a lot).

The compression of the plot

As I began the film I immediately noticed that the pacing felt jump and off-putting. While I understand the time constraints of a movie over a book, the choices the filmmakers made left little room for the audience to get to know these characters. The scene transitions felt like jump cuts from one important scene to the next with little care for the impact or the arch of the story.

The Romance

Where were my details?

The biggest heartbreak for me in watching this movie was the complete eradication of details that made these men who they are. I fell in love with Henry and Alex reading about two dorks with big hearts who helped figure each other out through grief, and bravery, and political climates, and family dysfunction. They are thoughtful and funny and talk like I do and the details are what made them interesting and real.

Star Wars

I know this may have been a licensing issue but still… To me, the Star Wars scene in the Hospital is the first time Alex as well as the readers get to see Henry. We see that he doesn’t know that he is brave and that he really does believe that anyone can be a hero. Later in the emails Star Wars becomes a cute joke between our romantic leads and shows a story that to some level reflects their own. A princess who is being told her role but finds that she is in control and she is powerful falling in love with a rouge bandit just trying to find his way in the world. This reference also shows that Henry’s taste is relatable and not just the pompous posh of the royal family. In the end, the mural of Henry and Alex as Lea and Han is a symbol of hope, rebellion, and queer liberation.

Texts, Emails, and the first Phone Call

While the movie did well the first texts, building from teasing quips in response to tabloid articles slowly into longer friendship building conversation. But as it progressed they stopped including the body of most of the emails sent between the two. The few they included were included as seemingly phone conversations but were instead filmed as in person conversations. Setting a confusing tone to the scenes from the start. Then the turkey call was short and was not the first time they had called. The main subjects of this call and how it was the first time they really started to know each other were also brushed passed for the comedy of their being a turkey in Alex’s room. Alex slowly falling and not really realizing it is instead replaced by a series of fast surface level texts and calls that simply establish that they don't hate each other anymore. The feeling you get as a reader of enemies falling into friendship falling into a situationship then falling in love is almost completely lost.

History Huh?

One detail of the book that may have seemed small to many but made my heart sing was the post scripts on each email. The historically queer quotes gave context to their love story and showed readers how we really have always been here and queer. The movie omitted not only those but all historical context as to why this love story is important. The museum scene is important not just because it's a safe place for Henry but because he gets to come here and learn! Learn that there was a gay king of England who openly expressed his love. And that the art that was gifted out of that queer relationship was one of the few things freely given to the British monarchy, not just in their museums as an unjust product of colonialism and violence.

Additionally, the museum scene was changed to have Alex offer to dance which to me felt a bit off because that made it so the romance never really came from Henry. (This is a whole other rant but it felt like they just wanted to put Henry in the role of a woman instead of honoring the differing gender dynamics in queer relationships)

Then the song that plays both here and later during the piano scene is not Your Song by the gay icon Elton John. To me, Your Song was perfect here as it gave Henry an outlet to express his true feelings and implied hope for a future where they could tell everybody (this is their song ;)).

Henry’s Charity Work

Henry in this story also seemed to not do anything. He was the prince, he attended events and meetings, and he knows how to play polo and piano. Thats it. We got nothing about what he thinks, what he likes to do, or who he is when he is just Henry Fox and not Prince of Britain. As said above we don't know he likes Star Wars, or that his fact sheet was written for him to make him sound better to the crown. We don't know he devotes his time to working with Pez to create charities and give as much of his royal family money away as he is allowed. We don't know his love for music, that he shares with Bee. We don’t know his love for art and history and queer stories. While the movie says it is showing us Henry Fox (the boy brave enough to be gay I guess). It really only shows us one dimensional Henry who is scared of what his family and the world will think.

Why were other characters even included?

With the obvious start to the movie showing us the lack of integral characters such as June and Rapheal Luna I thought well at least we will get the fun, joyful dynamics of Nora, Pex, and Bee with our iconic star crossed political figures. Sadly this was not the case. With the most screen time, Nora became a soundboard for whenever Alex needed to say something out loud to someone who wasn't Henry, Her role otherwise was superficial, silent, and really almost nonexistent. Even more, hidden away was the best friend to his royal heartiness Pez! Pez had one line in the entire movie and immediately became the prop to the already prop character Nora. This was especially shocking to me as it tokenized both of these black characters both of whom get rich interesting personalities and lives within McQuiston's world. Lastly, Bee. In the book, her character serves as a primary companion to Henry and as another example of how the British royal family has failed these young people. In the film, her backstory and dynamic with Henry was completely erased and she served a very similar purpose to Nora, a sounding board for the few times Henry wasn't talking to Alex. She again felt like a beautiful character that became a flat prop waiting to be picked up only when she is deemed useful enough.

Henry’s Mom and Dad

The lack of parental influence on Henry's story may feel appropriate based on how the royal family really has failed him in both the book and the movie the eradication of the story of his parents further robs Henry of his own emotional depth. While the film does acknowledge the death of Henry's dad it is only to explain why he was a prick to Alex one time. In the book, we are able to see the weight Henry carries and how he goes through grieving periods and depression because of the traumatic loss of his father. His father was the person who understood him and helped keep him and Bee out from under the intense judgment of the crown. Additionally not having Henry's father included means his mother isn't as well. Her grief is a mirror of Henry’s and (in the book) we see her getting braver as a reaction to Henry’s strength and bravery. It shows a story of a mother who got lost in herself and was still able to find her way back and fight for her children. She is the carrier of change for the royal standard.

The 2016 and 2020 Elections

While the Red White and Royal Blue movie still technically included an election, the context for why this election was important was completely omitted. Casey McQuiston's book was written as a direct response to the 2016 election and imagined a kinder world in which instead of Trump we had the first female president of the united states. The speeches in the book direct acknowledge the hate that has been so prevalent in recent years and how all people still deserve a voice at the table. By disregarding this context the urgency and heart of the movie fell flat again. Instead of a corrupt politician working to out Alex to ruin his mother's campaign the film had a petty gay journalist who used Alex to get his five minutes of fame. Not only does this feel homophobic but the catty nature of the articles and interview portrayed makes the entire plot point of Alex and Henry being outed to the world feel flippant. The film completely lost the weight of these two boys being maliciously outed to the entire world without their consent.

In the End

My biggest question at the end of this movie is why don't we get to see the crowd? If I had not read the book I think I would have been left wondering who the crowd was and why are they important past just being people to simply see Henry and Alex go onto the balcony? In the book, these crowds are reported to be not just all over England but all over the world. They are crowds with signs and shirts and flags and rainbows. They are the diversity of the world showing up for these young men who are like them. The lack of these images also made me further miss many of the missing details I discussed above (Amy’s queer and transness, Han and Leia mural, history huh shirts, etc).

While I really wanted to love this film as much as I love its source material I really felt that the movie completely missed the heart of Alex and Henry’s story. Without the context of their detailed interactions, their relationships with others, and their place within our world the story fell flat. I didn't know what message I was supposed to get besides just the basic being gay isn't shameful. And if the point wasn't a message and was just a love story then I really wanted to feel their love. I am not saying the book was perfect but I personally loved it and wish the movie had carried its same soul.

I know there is lots more than I put in this post and please feel free to discuss!

Thanks for letting me word vomit my feelings out :)

#red white and royal blue #casey mcquiston #alex claremont diaz #prince henry of wales #henry x alex #alex x henry

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redux-iterum · 2 years

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Now that you've elaborated on the cats you hate, could you do the same for your favorites?

Can do! And I'll answer you in this post, other anon.

Rock: This is total bias on my part - it has nothing to do with his personality or actions in the books. I just absolutely adore unsettling, ugly, vaguely eldritch characters who have lived as long as time has existed and are on an entirely different level than the rest of the characters. I don't even remember any of the shit Rock did in canon, just his potential as a mysterious force and a creature living in visions. It's so fuckin' cool. I love it.

Hollyleaf: I've gone into detail about her here, so I won't repeat all that. The bottom line is that she's a genuinely good character who had a lot going for her narratively that just got thrown out the window because of the writers' terrible decisions and lack of foresight. Every one of these picker pictures I've seen has had her on there as a favorite, so that should say something.

Monkeystar: God, she's such a delight. WarriorClan is full of dorky little kids playing like they're big bad scary fighters, and the biggest dork of all is at the head of it. And her name is Monkeystar. You look me dead in the eye and tell me that's not the best god damn thing you've ever read in this series. How could I not love her?

Yellowfang: I've also been over her a lot, so here's a couple posts from me going into detail about her. For a short version, she's a really unique character (and a pretty darn well-developed one) in all of the history of the Clans, and her getting ruined is one of the top five greatest tragedies in this series.

Thrushpelt: Simply put, he's a good guy who deserved so much better than he got. He's kind, polite, one of the rare toms who isn't a dick about having a crush on a molly, and he puts his own wants to the side to help out people he cares about. I still wish he got a mate in StarClan so that he didn't have to always be known as "the guy that Bluefur completely ignored for a one-night-stand with an asshole".

Sol: This one's just for his potential. He has a lot going for him - a male tortoiseshell who can scramble psychic abilities, predict an eclipse, and effortlessly manipulate everyone around him (at least in the third arc; I hear he lost a lot of that in the SkyClan SE)? That's such a cool concept! And he gets away with all the shit he pulls! He could've been the best villain in the series. I also elaborated on him on the old blog, if you want more details.

Bristlefrost: This one's pretty simple; Bristlefrost is just a good character who had a genuinely interesting arc and struggles that were weirdly well-written for this series. Her deader-than-dead status pisses me off so much. Couldn't they have killed Rootspring instead? Bristlefrost has way more going for her than that twerp.

Stemleaf: Bear in mind that it's not so much that I love him as it is that he's one of the few cats in the series I don't feel slightly negative indifference or outright dislike for. The list kind of ran thin at this point. Anyway, Stemleaf's a good kid! Like Thrushpelt, he's nice, honest, and overall pleasant to read. I like his drive to do the right thing and stand up to people in power. It's a shame that led to his death, but by that point I think he did pretty much all he had to do, so I'm not mad about it.

Heavystep and Loudbelly: Have you ever loved a character in this series solely based on their name? That's these two. You'll see more of my love for these two in the future.

#ask #anonymous #readmore #i speak #favorites

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anewstartfanfic · 1 year

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A New Start Q and A!

When you started writing this story how much planning did you do? Did I have this Fic planned?

Yes and No. Let me explain! So I did somewhat have this fanfic planned and by planned I mean Reader would live with the Whitebeard Pirates as a daughter with Flora being her mother figure and living in Windmill village with a cast of characters. I was even going to have her in the teen years by now and the darker stuff as well but then…I started having fun with this, like a LOT of fun and there are A LOT of OP characters and I had to fit them in and also give characters the endings they deserve but also flesh out characters that were just one shots because as I said I was having a LOT of fun. So with that, I gave character backstories, I gave characters parents, and made a lot of found family references, then the maids happened XD So you’re all probably wondering, where did these five, rather six dorks come from? Perv came first and she was going to be Head Maid. I wanted Doffy to have right hands that weren’t his family and I figured militant maids would be good and I was RPGing with a friend and Perv came first, then Lesser. Lesser was going to be Perv’s subordinate but things were switched. Then Cook and Dom came and finally Cleaner. Pretty much they had a “hierarchy” in the house. Lesser oversees everything and basically Doffy if he’s not around. Perv takes care of the front of the house and downstairs and is his personal assistant, she files everything away for him. Cook is in the kitchen and keeps an eye on the gardens. Dom takes care of the second floors and wings, and finally Cleaner takes care of the backyard and does all of the cleaning. If the house is ever attacked, they are each a level of defense and no one can get past Perv. Taicho came about as the SOLE reason why Doffy isn’t as bad a sociopath that he is which is why he spared Rocinante and decided to do his best to take care of his brother and his new family. Seriously, Doffy will NOT admit it but Taicho raised him right. I also wanted Reader to have obstacles and things as well growing up and that’s where Holly and Katherina came in. I wanted her to have a rival and maybe a bully. Holly fits the role perfectly and has become more and more unhinged and I love it. Not to mention she represents someone I know personally and someone I kind of know and I will tell you ALL about her in the next one. Katherina was going to be her “official” rival. Someone who can and will challenge her, mean girl her, and everything but something happened. Katherina became a very sympathetic character. She’s in a home that doesn’t love or appreciate it and it became evident that the reason she “bullied” Reader and Sanji was because she was hurting inside. Katherina wasn’t going to make much of an appearance until high school where she would learn to respect Reader and Reader would feel sorry for her. But as I wrote the more Katherina needed a happy ending and she’s getting one. Not to mention Katherina became a fan favorite. A LOT of characters soon became fan favorites so I just started fleshing them out more ie Killer, Lesser, and Tesoro, as well. Seriously, I would have thought I would been in the teen years by now but now I’m going from her childhood, to adolescents then to her teen years where everything will be a lot more juicier, especially with new things popping up with One Piece so I have to incorporate it somehow.

“Btw i need to know why Holly is insane😂😂 and if she’s based off on a real person than oooof rip” “Why is Holly insane for she a nutjob”

LOL okay so it has come to this! Now this is a little personal but it’s necessary. Soooooo before I wrote One Piece I was writing 2P!Hetalia. Some of you probably remember me because same username and such and I’m going to get back into Hetalia someday but the main reason why I stopped was because of this woman named Holly. There’s a lot to say about this but I’ll spare the details and give you all links but long story short: 40 year old edgelord let me emphasize 40, a 40 year old woman was stalking and harassing a 20 something year old on the internet) decided to cyberstalk and bully me because “social experiment, my writing is shitty, I’m a terrible person”. Then she send her drones after me and THREE years later she STILL blamed me for her life being really shitty (her husband is lowkey cheating on her, she’s unemployed, living off the grid in the woods, etc.) the reason why I know ALL of this info is because unlike me, she posts her entire life online, right down to her real name, location, and email address. It got to the point that she was making death threats so I had to get the FBI involved. I think they seized her computer because she whined about it. I’ve NEVER met this girl face to face and when I was making the fanfic I needed someone to be the antithesis to Reader so I took Holly and four of the most batshit crazy people I know and combined them into one perfect little sociopath:

Raven: (ex booth partner) narcissistic, never willing to change, petty, and thought she was a living goddess

Amanda: (ex acquaintance) thought a boy was madly in love with her and they were in a relationship. They were not. ALMOST gave me Hep C because she had a flair up and decided to not tell me. Risked the student body with coughing and mucus secretion because she refused to stay home when ACTIVELY `contagious

Addy: A girl at my uni who’s father was a teacher at the school. Couldn’t understand WHY she had to pay every time she lost her ID ($25 replacement for each one and she lost it 35+ times). And would spread rumors and just be an all around mean girl who was into glitter and too much pink. Pretty much an legbeard. Cafeteria staff HATED her because she would make their jobs HARDER

Christa: (ex high school friend). She’s a wide ride in itself. TW Animal abuse: used to cut chili peppers and rub her bunny to watch him twitch and bite his balls, married someone so they can stay in the country and caught feelings, paid $300 per session to an online psychic, became a psychic, learned to “love” her husband, only apologized for her shitty behavior because a psychic told her she was a former prostitute with many lovers. Because “Bi” to piss off Mommy, edgy mc edgelord legbeard. There’s more if you guys want because there’s a paper ><

So with all of those powers combined, Holly was made. Holly locked onto Reader because she thinks Reader is beneath her but to the point that Reader is some kind of nefarious demon that’s too uppity for her own good. Like her mind, if Reader didn’t exist, then she would have been adopted by Whitebeard, Ace would love her, Katherina would be her best friend, Killer would pay attention to her, Reiju would be her gal pal, and yeah. Basically Reader’s existence is why everything in her life is terrible when in reality, it’s Holly herself. Holly is racist, classist, ableist, and would do anything to be in a position of power that’s why she clings to any sort of social standing and prestige. And she sees Reader as her Rival…even though they are NOT on the same page. Kaya, Vivi, Plum, Katherina, and Penny (ESPECIALLY Penny) outranks her and she thinks they’re beneath her just because they don’t flaunt their status (and she thinks Alabastor is a poor country). Even when if she finds out that Reader is of a higher status by birth, Holly is STILL going to bully her and sabotage her so she can leave and she can have the perfect life away from her.

Can we end up with law or kid as their hot?

I might end up doing a what if type of thing where Reader ends up with certain characters. It really depends on my laziness XD

Oh can we have more story's with the maids rescuing the reader?

Well, not them rescuing Reader but there will be more stand alone Maid stories about their pasts and motivations because they in fact do have backstories, not just Lesser and Taicho. For example, Perv is the official doctor of the Maids and actually has medical training and a living family. Cook has her own found family along with Zeff being her bio Uncle. And Dom’s backstory, at least part of it, is going to come around on V-day ^^

Is whitebeard proud of us?

EXTREMELY. He didn’t know if he would actually get along with a little girl as a daughter, especially with him and Flora still tender about their daughter but every day when he sees Reader he KNOWS he made the right choice in adopting her.

Can whitebeard adopt us

Damn right he can!

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thattimdrakeguy · 1 year

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Heya! I'm a big Fanfic fan, and read a few comics, but nothing Pre-New 52. But I'm a huge Wayne Family Adventures guy. Honestly, the webtoon personality matches his fanon personality to a t. And from what comics I've read with him in it, it matches his comic personality decently well, accounting for the tonal shift. What I'm wondering, is did his personality change a lot when the New 52 came in? I know a lot of people say Dick and Jason's did majorly.

Gonna tell ya right now, sir, nothing but respect towards ya. Never, ever, listen to me, you listening? Never use Wayne Family Adventures as a guide toward accuracy. You'll upset the invisible creatures that power the world's happiness that way.

If ya like it, ya like it. Not gonna stop ya from liking it. I personally disdain it, but who am I to rip away some ones happiness ya know?

But an accurate Tim, one that pleases the invisible creatures that power the world's happiness, is an insecure, but clever, dork, he's not perfect, but he does his best. That's the simplest way I can put him.

New 52 Tim, who's not actually really Tim in canon believe it or not, is an arrogant, super genius, that has blown up buildings and has vague psychopathic behavior that can be genuinely messed up, despite them trying to play him as caring at times.

Total opposite. Even his origin is totally different.

Original Tim was a very naïve, idealistic, clever, but socially sort of...not bright little baby boy, he was tiny for his age, really cute, and had a big enthusiastic heart. It was his heart that got him the job, but his cleverness is what helped him be accepted. He figured out Batman's identities by putting together a couple details together when he was 9-years-old, partially he just got lucky. He was also there when the Flying Graysons died. And after Jason got blew the f'n heckity heck up and Batman started going crazy, Timmy found and asked Dick to go back as Robin, Tim believing, however naively, that Batman needed a Robin to help him remember what life was like before Jason's passing, and maybe even Batman's parents passing. His parents are also traveling business people who at this point primarily left Tim to the boarding school system to raise him.

New 52 Tim's name isn't actually Tim Drake, that's a name he takes on, but it's not his actual name, his full actual name is never revealed. His parents are super supportive, "Tim's" an Olympic level athlete, who's arrogance leads him to believe being Batman's sidekick is the next step ('Cause that makes sense apparently), he never finds out who Batman is, he nearly gets his parents killed tryna get Batman's attention, and he never became Robin, only Red Robin.

They're about as similar as piss and a yellow rock. They have black hair, and blue eyes, but otherwise they're nothing alike besides very minor things, and I mean minor.

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

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pleeeease write a blurb where the girl's a member of little mix and they do an award show performance, so tom keeps hyping his girl up and recording stories, just being a supportive bf 🥺

Thank you so much for requesting!! I’m so sorry it took so long, but I hope you enjoy it💞 I know you said you wanted a blurb, but I could never write short things, I’m always too damned detailed and shit, I’m sorry😭 Happy reading🥰

💌.

#1 Fan

Based on Little Mix’s 2019 BRITs performance of Woman Like Me, I suggest watching it to understand Tom’s insta story💞

“You’re going to absolutely smash it. All of you are.” Tom encouraged you. His large hands grasp onto yours comfortingly. The two of you were currently backstage at the BRITs in your and the girls’ shared dressing room. Tonight was a big night for you all, as you and the girls were nominated for two awards: British Artist Video of the Year and British Group of the Year. Additionally, the five of you were going to be performing your latest single, “Woman Like Me”.

To say that you were jittery was an understatement. You were terrifyingly nervous, it made you feel nauseous. Your stomach was a jungle of butterflies, fluttering nonstop as the time to perform grew closer and closer. You glanced at the clock and took a deep breath. The pink latex bra you had on felt as if it were getting tighter and tighter around your chest. Tom notices your slight discomfort and glances at the time, “How about we sit? You’ve got plenty of time to relax before you all go on stage.”

Tom wraps his arm around your waist and leads you to the couch in the dressing room. He settles beside you and moves his arm to rest across your lap, his hand interlocking with yours. You leaned back into the seat and watched the girls make last minute touches to their hair, face, and costumes. Tom squeezes your hand, bringing your attention to him. Your eyes shift to meet his warm chocolate brown ones. A soft smile grows on his lips, “Hey.”

You reciprocate his smile with a smaller one, “Hi.”

“What’s wrong? You rarely get jitters before going out on stage.” He asks you quietly so only you could hear. You stare down at your lap and fiddle with his fingers.

“I-it’s just different from what we’ve been doing lately.” You start, glancing at Tom. He nods for you to continue, “We just haven’t been doing live performances for such a long time. Like on tour, we’re usually performing in front of our fans. Not the entire British music industry or live television.”

Tom brings your hand up to his lips and presses a gentle kiss on it. “There’s nothing to worry about, darling. You—and the girls, are going to do amazing as always. You guys are the best at live performances. The amount of work and dedication you girls put into this is going to pay off, I swear, it’ll be a standing ovation. Everyone’s going to love it.”

You smile at your boyfriend’s support for you and the girls. You couldn’t help but peck his lips, to which he replied with a lovestruck grin.

“I’m just nervous that I’ll mess up. Like what if I miss a step of the choreography—or stumble on my words while I’m singing? Oh god, what if I forget the lyrics—“ Your eyes widen in horror as your head generated all the worst case scenarios that could happen on stage. Tom shushes you and gingerly cradles your jaw, being careful of the makeup on your face.

“Listen to me.” He levels his eyes with yours to make sure your attention is on him. “You’re not going to mess up or forget a line—none of that nonsense is going to happen. It’s a load of bullshit. You wanna know why? Because you’re (y/n) (l/n), a member of one of the biggest girl bands of the world, you’re my girlfriend, and you’re the most beautiful and talented girl I’ve ever met. You’re just overthinking. I know you, (y/n). Once the music starts on stage you get lost and start singing your heart out, the crowd just disappears from existence. It’s only you and the girls up on that stage and you’re going to make one hell of a performance. I just know it and so do the other people waiting in that audience.”

You stare at him, stunned by his sudden motivational speech. “Since when did you get good at pep talks?”

His mouth gapes at you, “Uh—stan Twitter? The fans? Is that seriously what you got from all of that?” You shook your head and wrapped your hands around his wrist. “No, I heard every single word. I guess I’m feeling a bit more better now, so thank you, Tommy.” You peck his lips again, despite the fact that your lip gloss was getting on his lips. Though he didn’t care, as long as he was kissing you.

“Still got some nerves?”

“Just a little bit. But I’ll be fine, especially with you in the crowd.” You interlock your fingers with his and glance at the clock. Only 10 more minutes till you were all going to perform.

Tom’s face lights up, “Front seat babe, I got the best seat in the house. I swear, I’m recording the whole performance on my phone. I already got Harrison to help me take Instagram stories for me at the same time. I need every angle.”

Jesy takes that as her cue to join the conversation, “My goodness, you’re such a dork.” She reaches her hand out for you to help you get off the couch.

Tom fakes a dramatic gasp, knowing Jesy didn’t really mean her jab at him. “I don’t know what you’re taking about, I’m just being a very supportive boyfriend. AND Little Mix’s number one fan.”

You dust your pink pants off and take a look at yourself in the full body mirror. You did a little shake too loosen your limbs out and did some breathing exercises. Tom lets you do your pre-performance ritual while he talks with the girls.

Perrie crosses her arms, amused at the younger Brit, “Are you seriously competing against a bunch of teenage girls to deem yourself as our number one fan?”

“Well are they dating one of the members of Little Mix? I don’t think so. You know who is? Me.” Tom gestures to himself sassily. “I even get to hear all the new music earlier than everybody else and get good seats at concerts.” He bragged while one of the members on your team helped you place your in-ears.

Jesy rolls her eyes before gesturing to the door, “Right, I’m calling security. Apparently we’ve got a crazed fan in our dressing room.” Jade and Leigh-Anne stifle a laugh at the bickering.

“You can’t kick me out, I have backstage access.” Tom defended himself with crossed arms.

“No seriously, babe. We’re about to perform in five.” You join the conversation, finally feeling your anxiousness start to fade away. Tom blinks at you, “I’m being kicked out by my own girlfriend?”

Jesy laughs at Tom, taking the piss out of his offended expression. A sly smirk grows on your face. You hold your hands out for him to help him off the couch, “If you want to record every second and angle of our performance, I suggest leaving now.”

Tom straightens out his suit before interlocking your fingers with his. He leans forward and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “You’re gonna be great. I love you.”

You giggle, eyes beaming up at his warm brown ones, “I love you too. Now get back to Harrison, you’ve left him alone for too long.” Prior to leaving, he stops in his tracks and manages to gather you and the girls into a group selfie. He wishes you all good luck and leaves, making his way back to his seat in the audience.

While he walks back, he posts the selfie you all took onto his Instagram story with the caption, “Good luck to these beautiful ladies! Tune into the BRITs to see their performance, you don’t wanna miss it!”

He gets back to the table designated for you and the girls to see Harrison with an unamused face.

“What?” Tom asks him, confused at his friend.

“You left me here by myself, you div.” Harrison quips. Tom cringes and apologizes to his friend.

“You’re still gonna help me record the performance, right?” Tom sheepishly asked gesturing to Harrison’s phone.

“Yes, Tom, I’ve told you multiple times that I’ll record it.” Harrison held his phone up getting his camera ready. Harrison was about the rant about Tom and how whipped the boy was for you, but was sushed by his best friend.

“SHUT UP IT’S STARTING. HARRISON START RECORDING!” The lights dimmed while someone announced you and the girls. Harrison had his phone already filming while Tom held his phone up, ready to start recording things for his Instagram story.

Tom’s Instagram Story:

“HOLY SHIT!” Tom screamed behind the camera as he recorded the opening of the performance.

You and the girls were stood up while the dancers were on the floor thrusting up at you all. The camera flips to Tom, who’s mouth was agape, “THAT SHOULD BE ME.”

The camera is back to the stage, where you and the girls are doing the choreography with the chairs. Tom whoops loudly in the background and yells, “THAT’S FUCKING SICK—HARRISON LOOK AT THEM.”

“YESS! THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!” Tom screamed, thrusting his finger in your direction when your part of the song came on.

Tom zooms in on you as you strutted alongside the girls on the stage, he flips the camera back to him and a smirk is on his lips. He nodded before telling the camera, “That’s my girl.”

Tom forgot to turn his camera around and ended up recorded himself reacting to the performance. A proud smile is on his features while his eyes lit up as they followed you on stage. He leaned closer to Harrison and says, “She looks stunning, mate, my god.”

The stories cut to him and Harrison dancing and singing along to Woman Like Me.

The camera cuts back to you. You’re singing your part in the chorus and you hit a certain note that stuns Tom. He flips the camera to himself, a shocked expression on his face while he hyped you up.

The colored lights reflect onto Tom’s face, his mouth widens when he realizes you and the girls included a dance break in the performance. He flips the camera back, making sure all five of you were in frame.

Tom cheers in the background along with the audience when you and the girls finish your performance.

An unbreakable smile is on Tom’s lips, “There you all have it, I tried to record some parts just in case you all missed it—But that was probably one of the greatest performances they have ever done. I feel so honored to be here.”

Tom leans over so him and Harrison are in frame, “What did you think of the performance, Harrison?” Harrison grins, “I thought it was out of this world, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Tom’s face is hovered above the camera, “I just wanted to let you all know, that after tonight, I am officially becoming a Little Mix fan account. Follow me for more insider updates on Little Mix.”

You come back to the table to see Tom, Harrison, and the girl’s dates beaming at the five of you. You’re all greeted with congratulations and hugs. When you finally reach Tom, he crashes his lips onto yours and lifts you up.

You giggle against his lips, “Hello to you too.”

He pecks your lips twice more before placing you back down, “You were—I don’t even know how to describe it. You were fucking amazing up there.”

You whine, the blush growing on your cheeks while you hid your face in his neck, “Well, I couldn’t have done it without your little pep talk. So thank you, lovey.”

Tom waves you off while helping you into the seat beside him, “That was all you, darling.”

You and the girls settled down as the awards show continued on. You were drinking a glass of water and reached out to check your phone. Tom stops you, grabbing your wrist. You shoot him a look.

“No—just, don’t watch my Instagram story. Please.” He asks you with a sheepish smile. A loud roar of laughter is heard from across the table, making you all look at Jesy. She simply holds her phone up, screen facing you all, with Tom’s story playing on it.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland imagine #Tom Holland fluff #tom holland blurb #tom holland drabble #tom holland headcanon #little mix #jade thirlwall #perrie edwards #leigh anne pinnock #jesy nelson #ally’s request #Tom Holland

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Digimon Savers Commentary Episode 22 - Defeat the Ultimate-Level! SaberLeomon’s Wrath

In this episode, Ikuto is invited to stay at Masaru’s house and learns what normal human family life looks like, Kurata is introduced, and SaberLeomon attacks the human world on his own, which doesn’t end well for him, despite his power.

The (reasonably short) recap only covers the parts of last episode involving the big battle and doesn’t mention anything about Ikuto or Falcomon and the adorable moment they had. Which on the one hand makes sense because that wasn’t relevant to the plot exactly, but on the other hand makes me sad because that was the most important part of that episode.

At DATS HQ, Ikuto and Falcomon are staying in a room that perhaps under other circumstances might be used as some sort of holding cell, but right now is effectively a guest room. Miki is here, leaving a tray of food outside the door for them.

Miki: “It’s really good! After all, I put all my skill into making it…”

At this, her PawnChessmon silently turns their head to look at her, clearly judging her, and Miki admits that actually she bought it from a convenience store. I love that little moment of characterisation for a usually-overlooked minor character Digimon.

Miki looks over and sees the previous tray of food that Ikuto was given, still untouched. He hasn’t been eating. Falcomon affirming their friendship last episode has to have helped, but this kid is still not okay.

Falcomon: “Ikuto, aren’t you hungry?”

Ikuto: “Falcomon, you eat.”

This, and the completely untouched food, suggest that Falcomon also hasn’t been eating. Perhaps he’s doing it out of solidarity with Ikuto, even though he has a lot less reason to have lost his appetite. That is very sweet of him and also not actually helpful; he should at least be trying to keep his own strength up if he can.

In the control room, the DATS members are discussing the Digital Gate that opened up at the end of last episode to save them from the Digimon army. They suspect it was opened on purpose, but the technology to do so doesn’t exist in DATS, so they don’t know who could have done it.

Masaru: “Wasn’t me.”

I love how Masaru feels the need to contribute this, for some reason. Nobody was ever going to assume it was you, you dork.

Miki enters the room to tell them that Ikuto still isn’t eating or responding to anyone.

Masaru: “Are you serious?”

Agumon: “Isn’t that…”

Kurata: “Something to be really worried about, huh?”

This Kurata guy is suddenly sitting there in a chair as if he’s been there all along, which begs the question of why nobody questioned his presence until now. I suppose what’s meant to have actually happened is that he slipped into the room when Miki did just now and no-one noticed (though the animation doesn’t indicate that in any way). Either way, logically awkward as this moment may be, the narrative purpose is to get across a sense of Kurata’s casual arrogance, sitting in one of their chairs and joining in their conversation like he belongs here at DATS when he’s really just a guest.

When he’s asked who he is, Kurata proceeds to greet them in what seems like a sheepish and humble way, and then, without actually introducing himself, goes to shake Agumon’s hand.

Kurata: “You must be Agumon-san. The first solid sample that was born within DATS and has currently achieved evolution to the Perfect-level. Your favourite food is fried eggs…”

Solid sample. That sure is a way to talk about a living, sapient being who is standing right in front of you.

He also says all this while sneezing on Agumon. It’s definitely just that he has some kind of allergy to Digimon, right.

Agumon: “How do you know about me?”

Kurata: “Well, I’m a huge Digimon otaku!”

(Aka, a Digimon nerd. Not entirely sure why the subbers couldn’t just translate that word directly and had to give us a subbers’ note about it; it means close enough to the same thing.)

Yeah, definitely the only reason he cared to learn all of these details about Agumon is out of casual nerdy interest. Agumon is clearly rather uncomfortable at the way this guy’s introducing himself, for good reason.

Satsuma recognises Kurata, and they briefly greet each other in a way that indicates they know each other. Hashiba then enters the room and informs them that Kurata was the one who opened the Digital Gate last episode.

Kurata: “Oh… we were lucky that it opened properly. Who knows what would have happened if I’d failed.”

He’s acting all humble and like it’s not a big deal and just luck, completely at odds with his confident demeanour that we the audience saw when he was actually opening it at the end of last episode. This, and the rest of the way he’s been acting so far – it seems like he wants everyone in this room to not think too much of him.

Hashiba: “I was surprised to learn that *you* were Daimon Masaru-kun.”

Hashiba has encountered Masaru before, but this surprise is specifically about the Daimon part. Hashiba apparently only recently realised the significance of Masaru as the son of Suguru Daimon after Kurata told him. Kurata works for the Ministry of Confidentiality under Hashiba (not directly stated here in this episode, but implied by their familiarity with each other), and he used to be Suguru’s assistant, so he’s told Hashiba a lot about Suguru. (I bet he has. Kurata has a lot of Opinions about Suguru that we’ll get into in time.)

What this also means is that Kurata is the final member from the old Digital World exploration squad that we’re now meeting here in the present story.

Kurata: “Daimon Masaru-kun, you’ve grown so big. You’re looking more and more like your father.”

You’d think that being told something like this by somebody who used to know his dad well would make Masaru react in a more subtly emotional way, but he mostly looks put-out. He can tell something’s off about this; Kurata just seems patronising, not genuinely fond of his old mentor’s son.

Kudamon: “According to regulations, any Digimon that appear in the human world must be returned to a Digiegg first.”

This is still a rule that DATS has, which is usually valid because of the emotion-rampaging thing that can only be stopped by turning the Digimon into an egg. Doesn’t apply quite so much in this situation where the Digimon came here of their own volition. And, as Kurata points out in response to this, it was a bit of an emergency.

This is a shot we get as Kurata changes the topic to Ikuto. The writers are, uh, not exactly being subtle here. Not that Kurata’s sleaziness has been going unnoticed by any of the protagonists anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

Kurata: “I hear he was raised in the Digital World, and I’m very interested in meeting him. Could you give me custody over him?”

I am… rather Concerned™ as to why Kurata could be so interested in someone who has a whole childhood’s worth of knowledge about the Digital World. The brazenness this man has to waltz in here and ask for custody over a human child whom he has no real connection to is quite something.

Masaru: “Hey!”

I like how Masaru immediately protests. He probably can’t quite put it into words, but he already knows this is not someone he wants being in charge of Ikuto.

Hashiba: “The original plan was to have him looked after by us anyway. I’ll give you my permission.”

Hashiba says it was the Ministry of Confidentiality’s plan, but given that Kurata also works for the Ministry, whose plan do you want to bet it really was? Hashiba’s words are just ostensibly granting permission here because he’s technically the one with the decision-making power.

Masaru: “Hang on! You haven’t even asked Ikuto if he’d agree!”

Good old Masaru, treating Ikuto like a person and caring about what he’d want!

At that moment, they notice over the security cameras that Ikuto is leaving his room and trying to flee again, despite Falcomon’s protests. Masaru immediately rushes over to confront him.

Masaru: “Ikuto! Thinking of sneaking out again, are we?!”

Ikuto: “Everyone would be better off without me!”

Poor Ikuto. I can only assume after last episode that this is an “everyone” that doesn’t include Falcomon, that he’s accepted that Falcomon wants to stay with him no matter what – he didn’t try to tell Falcomon to leave again – but even then, he’s still convinced that nobody else would want him around.

Masaru: “Where are you even gonna go? You don’t have any place in mind, do you?!”

Masaru’s got Ikuto more or less figured out at this point: the idea that all he’s been doing all this time is running away, rather than running to anything. Ikuto grimaces, knowing Masaru’s right, but still, despite having nowhere to go, he doesn’t want to be here. All he’s doing is causing all these people so much trouble.

Masaru: “In that case, come to my place! I’ll look after you! You don’t need to worry about anything!”

Masaru is so good and such a good big brother. He already suggested this last episode, but this time, with Ikuto actually here and not quite fleeing from them, and with a much shadier person as the only other obviously not okay option, he’s making sure it happens.

Masaru: “Captain! That’s the way it is!”

Kudamon: “*What’s* the way it is?”

I love this little exchange: Masaru’s adamant stubbornness, and the way Kudamon’s words echo Masaru’s but in a more bewildered way.

Hashiba: “This matter isn’t for you to decide!”

Satsuma: “I’ll allow it. This is part of DATS’s responsibility. I ask that you please do not interfere.”

Satsuma must be so quietly satisfied to finally have a chance to pull rank over Hashiba and be the one to call the shots. The Ministry of Confidentiality oversees but is not directly in charge of DATS, so there indeed should be some things DATS can do that the Ministry has no say in. The custody of one kid they found in the Digital World doesn’t really seem all that confidentiality-related, does it.

Kurata humbly accepts it and leaves with Hashiba. He probably wants everyone to keep assuming he’s relatively harmless rather than trying to push the issue.

He’s been all genial smiles and politeness for this whole encounter… and I don’t think it’s properly worked on anyone. Satsuma and Kudamon certainly don’t seem to be trusting him one bit.

As Masaru celebrates their minor victory, Ikuto isn’t looking at anyone, and Falcomon seems worried. Ikuto must be having a hard time grasping the idea that someone other than Falcomon actually wants him around.

This episode sees more large(ish)-scale city-destruction, so you get more of the city-destruction in the opening. Look at Tohma and Gaomon being all strategic and cautious.

Masaru: “I’m home!”

This… probably has to be the first time Masaru’s been home since he left for the Digital World in episode 14. He’s been too wrapped up in DATS business involving Ikuto since they got back to the human world to have been likely to have had any time to visit. I can only assume, though, based on the casual way Chika and Sayuri welcome him home, that sometime offscreen he had a chance to call them to let them know that he’s back and safe but is still too busy to come home yet.

Chika: “Oh? Do we have guests?”

Masaru: “Yeah, my friends.”

I love how Masaru is so happy to call Ikuto and Falcomon his friends already, even though Ikuto definitely wouldn’t admit to that yet, and they’ve kinda spent more of their time as enemies.

And I love even more how casual he is about it. It’s every bit as if he’s just bringing home a couple of friends from school, rather than two people from another world who’ve frequently fought with him over revenge for their murdered mother and currently have nowhere to belong. Nah. No need to mention any of that. They’re Masaru’s buds now! It’s exactly the sort of thing Ikuto needs.

Ikuto is standing there, bewildered and uncomfortable as Chika cheerfully greets him and comments on his face paint. He’s never heard of the concept of a sister before, never mind had a human who’s encountering him for the first time be… nice to him? He doesn’t really know how to act. (Welcome to humanity, Ikuto, this is how most people are, actually!)

Falcomon, meanwhile, is hiding under the same box that Masaru tried to hide Agumon with back in episode 2. Chika apparently became aware at some point that this was the Agumon Box, because she assumes it’s Agumon under there and chides him for being rude in front of guests. She pulls the box off despite Falcomon’s attempts to keep it there, and…

Oh, yeah. Remember the last time she and Falcomon met, in episode 12, when he broke into her bedroom and tried to kidnap Puwamon? Awkward. That’s why he was hiding in the box.

They stare at each other, neither knowing what to say. Masaru peers over them, perhaps having spent long enough bonding with Falcomon that he’s mostly forgotten Chika’s reason to be uncomfortable about this.

Falcomon: “Um… I… I… I…!”

Chika: “Stink.”

She means it literally, it turns out. Falcomon and Ikuto smell bad – not surprising, when they spend all of their time running around a forest – so she grabs them both and physically drags them towards the bathroom, demanding they get clean if they’re going to be allowed in the house.

One way or another, perhaps from the way Falcomon was clearly flustered and trying to find a way to apologise, or perhaps from the fact that Masaru wouldn’t bring him here if he didn’t trust him, Chika’s decided to quietly put the whole Puwamon business behind them and casually accept Falcomon as a guest in her house, along with Ikuto. She is good.

Falcomon and Ikuto are both shown flying into the bathtub as if they’re being flung in… but I imagine this is an exaggeration for comedic effect and not an indication that Chika literally physically threw them in there. She’d also have had to strip all of Ikuto’s clothes off to do that, and, uh, let’s assume he did that himself after she demanded it.

Masaru decides he’ll take a bath with them and heads in, ruffling his sister’s hair. She blows a raspberry at him. Agumon also barrels into the bathroom after his aniki, knocking into Chika on the way and sending her spinning. She is so Done™ with all of her doofus brothers (now including two more).

Agumon, not having any clothes to take off, gets into the bath before Masaru. With him, Ikuto and Falcomon, it’s now rather full.

Agumon: “Aniki? Hurry and get in.”

Masaru: “Get in where?!”

Maybe you should have thought about that before the two of you decided to have a bath at the same time as two other people, you dorks.

I love all of the adorable domestic shenanigans in this episode. We’ve only just got started.

Later, they’re sitting at the dinner table. Ikuto is wearing a regular t-shirt – probably an old one of Masaru’s from when he was younger while Sayuri washes Ikuto’s usual clothes. (Sayuri is so good, of course she’d offer to do that.)

Masaru: “Well then, let me introduce everyone again. This guy is called Ikuto. The other one is called Bird.”

Ikuto & Falcomon: “It’s Falcomon!”

Masaru definitely knows Falcomon’s actual name and is way past the point of not bothering to use his name on purpose because they’re not on the same side. So I can only assume this is an attempt to be light-hearted and teasing that didn’t necessarily land well.

Chika: “Ah, they talked.”

That said, apparently they’ve both been rather quiet so far – probably overwhelmed by everything here – so maybe Masaru’s teasing was really meant as an attempt to spur them into saying something.

Sayuri, of course, has prepared a table of delicious looking food.

Masaru: “Well then!”

Everyone: “Thanks for the— FOOD!”

That’s the Japanese itadakimasu, of course, and that “everyone” includes Ikuto and Falcomon. Which it, uh, probably shouldn’t; you’d think this wouldn’t be a Digimon custom and therefore not something they’d be at all familiar with. I guess it’s just so ingrained into Japanese consciousness that this didn’t cross the writers’ minds.

On that last syllable, Masaru and Agumon of course enthusiastically dig right in. Complete with pneumatic drill sound effects to really drive the point home.

Chika: “If you don’t hurry, there’ll be nothing left to eat.”

There really won’t. Chika knows her brothers well.

Ikuto and Falcomon hesitantly try a bite of the food, and fall in love with it. (Everyone loves Sayuri’s cooking!) They instantly descend upon the rest of the meal with the same pneumatic-drill levels of enthusiasm.

Sayuri: “If you don’t hurry, there’ll be nothing left to eat.”

Sayuri’s now saying this to Chika and herself. I love the fondly-exasperated comment on how similar Masaru and Agumon’s new friends are to the pair themselves.

After dinner, the four boys sit around a table in Masaru’s room, staring intensely at a pile of shogi pieces in the middle. This is not them playing shogi (which is like Japanese chess) – of course it isn’t, none of them would have the first clue how. This is them playing a game that I guess Masaru must have made up, that’s kind of like Jenga: each player takes it in turns to carefully remove a piece from the pile and has to do so without making any of the other pieces fall.

With fierce concentration, Agumon successfully removes a piece and celebrates. (Impressive, with his big claws; this game is kinda weighted against the Digimon here.) I love the way it’s framed; they’re all taking this game so seriously, because they’re kids and of course they would.

Then, it’s Ikuto’s turn. He nods, nervous but determined, moving to touch a piece near the top of the pile – and several pieces beneath it slip down as he does so. Oh no!

The other three start chuckling.

Agumon: “It fell…”

Masaru & Falcomon: “It fell…”

Masaru: “He gets a forehead poke!”

Agumon: “Forehead poke!”

Falcomon: “Forehead poke-poke!”

That’s the forfeit if you mess up on your turn. Ikuto recoils, covering his forehead as the other three’s fingers advance on him. It is delightfully silly how into it these dorks are. (Reminder: Masaru really is just a fourteen-year-old kid and still spends plenty of time doing dorky childish things like this; his age is not unrealistically low for his character at all, thank you very much.)

Though perhaps this could also say a little something about Ikuto’s issues if he’s taking the forfeit this badly, like maybe he’s afraid this really is serious and that Masaru and Agumon and maybe even Falcomon won’t want him around any more if he messes up the game? If so, I’m sure the continuation of their shenanigans will help him realise how misguided he is to feel that way about it, though, and that he really has nothing to fear.

Also. Also. We need to talk about the red patch on Masaru’s forehead in this scene. Nothing in the scene ever draws attention to it or directly explains it; it’s just there anyway and I love it so much. Knowing how this game works and how Masaru is, of course there’d be a red patch on his forehead.

I just. I adore that silly little detail with all my heart. It says so much about how much the writers cared, in that they thought about things in enough detail to put that in there, and that they didn’t feel the need to explain it and trusted that any viewers who cared enough would also think things through and appreciate its reason for being there. It’s the very epitome of all the little subtle details about Savers that make me love it as much as I do that I’ve been pointing out in this commentary. They’re not perfect about absolutely everything – no creator is – but Savers’s writers care so much about this story they’re telling.

(The fact that Ikuto would have witnessed – heck, participated in – several forehead-pokes for Masaru prior to this one we see Ikuto getting here certainly suggests that the way this scene is presented is a comical exaggeration of how seriously they’re taking the game, rather than that Ikuto is really truly afraid they’re rejecting him for messing up. Masaru’s messed up way more times than him, and he’s fine!)

Chika listens exasperatedly from the bathroom as she hears what sounds like the other three beginning to chase Ikuto around the room to give him his requisite forehead-poke. They are such dorks.

They also went and drained all the hot water from the bath that Chika was planning to have for herself just now, whoops.

While she waits for the bath to fill up again, Chika sits with her mother. Sayuri’s doing some sewing on what looks like Ikuto’s cape – not only did she wash his clothes for him, she’s fixing wear and tear on them too! She absolutely did not have to do that. Sayuri is such a sweetheart.

Sayuri: “Perhaps it’s because of Agu-chan’s presence that this house has become so lively. I’m glad.”

Chika: “The only thing Masaru-niichan ever did in the past was pick fights.”

Sayuri: “Yes. The way he runs about wildly every day hasn’t changed, though.”

Chika doesn’t quite explicitly voice it, but both of them are so happy about how much of a good influence on Masaru’s life Agumon has been. The Masaru before all this must have been so bored and bitter and lonely, taking his frustration out in the street in somewhat-antisocial ways, but now he’s got a much better and more productive outlet for all of his energy. It’s good.

This conversation shifts to being a voiceover accompanying a scene of the boys having a pillow fight upstairs. Masaru throws a pillow in Agumon’s face, and Ikuto and Falcomon laugh at him, until a pillow hits Ikuto in the face, too.

Ikuto: “You hit me!”

Masaru: “Try to get me!”

Masaru’s so good, encouraging Ikuto to join in, letting him just be a kid having fun, helping him learn what “fun” even looks like and that sometimes you can just have a rough and tumble with your friends for the hell of it without any huge painful stakes involved. This kind of thing is exactly what Ikuto’s always needed, especially right now.

Meanwhile, in the Digital World – and not at Infinity Ice Ridge for once, but instead atop a different mountain in a palace that appears to be SaberLeomon’s based on the patterns vaguely resembling his mane – Gotsumon is apologising for his failure in the previous episode. He’s walking with a cane, for whatever reason; I guess getting sucked into a Digital Gate injured him, uh, somehow?

SaberLeomon: “Gotsumon, do you still remember the worst day of our lives?”

This is used as an excuse for showing us a few more flashback glimpses of the massacre, but it’s a little bit As You Know, Bob-ish. Of course they both remember an event that dire! It’s not like either of them need to be reminded.

SaberLeomon: “A gust of frightening energy from the human world created a strong typhoon.”

The flashback shots show these typhoons coming from Digital Gates themselves. I guess the Digital Gate technology used here can produce all sorts of effects as desired, not just suction? Or perhaps some other kind of technology caused the typhoons and was just fired through the Gates.

(I am overthinking this, because this particular thing is never going to come up again, so feel free to forget about it.)

Anyway, the point of this reminiscing about the massacre is to lead into SaberLeomon deciding to go and exact revenge upon the humans personally. It kind of reads as though this is specifically spurred by his random decision to reminisce just now about a thing that happened years ago, which would beg the question of why he never did this before. But what’s really spurring this to happen now, though this scene does a bad job of indicating it, is simply DATS’s recent mission into the Digital World causing the conflict with Mercurimon that SaberLeomon disagreed with his approach about, leading to Gotsumon’s failed army attack, and now this.

Gotsumon offers to come too, obviously wanting to redeem himself in SaberLeomon’s eyes, but SaberLeomon brushes him off. After last episode’s failure, he’s clearly decided that if he wants something done, he needs to do it himself.

The dark clouds around his palace start sparking with lightning as SaberLeomon declares his intent for vengeance, apparently responding to his emotions. I guess some Ultimate-levels really are so powerful they can make the weather reflect their mood and presence.

It’s morning at the Daimons’ house. Ikuto wanders down the stairs to use the bathroom but is apparently extremely half-asleep, because he hazily sees Sayuri who’s preparing breakfast as Yukidarumon instead.

Ikuto: “Yukidarumon… I’ve got you!”

He runs up and hugs her, and in this line here his voice actually sounds closer to that of his younger self back when she was alive, which is a cute touch.

Reality then sets back in, and he’s hugging Sayuri, not Yukidarumon. Even though Sayuri is being lovely and motherly and asking him if he slept well, Ikuto just freezes and begins to cry, with no idea how to express how he feels about all this or what just happened at all.

This bit’s a little bit of a stretch to imagine that Ikuto was so half-asleep to have been essentially dreaming and seeing Yukidarumon, and yet also awake enough to know where the bathroom was and be heading downstairs, but nonetheless, I appreciate the bittersweetness of what they were going for with it.

Ikuto runs away from Sayuri, only to bump into a sleepy Masaru also heading to the bathroom, whom he tries to run away from, too.

Ikuto: “I’m leaving!”

Masaru: “Why?! You can stay here!”

Even though he’s finally found somewhere where people are happy to let him stay, it still doesn’t feel right. It just feels like he’s replacing Yukidarumon – and it must still be so weird to him that he’s replacing her with humans.

As he holds onto the flailing Ikuto, who’s protesting loudly enough to wake up the rest of the house, Masaru has this bewildered-but-concerned look on his face. He wants to help this kid so much, but he doesn’t understand any of what the matter is right now. I don’t think Ikuto even properly understands it himself.

They’re interrupted by a call on Masaru’s DATS earpiece, which apparently he keeps in his pyjama pockets. You never know when a Digimon might appear in the middle of the night, I guess?

(One thing I am somewhat surprised by is the fact that Masaru doesn’t wear his pendant with his pyjamas. He otherwise keeps that thing on him at all times.)

The report is about SaberLeomon, who’s arrived here (through another nebulous Digital Gate of let’s-just-get-on-with-the-plot, I guess, just like last episode) and is currently laying waste to some industrial area in the city. You’d think he’d want to choose somewhere more populated, given his desire to kill lots of humans, but we can assume he doesn’t know enough about how human cities work to realise he’s not actually going about this that efficiently. Maybe Gotsumon’s claim of some level of “experience” in visiting the human world actually was kind of useful, because at least he attacked downtown.

Hearing about this, Ikuto turns to leave with a more determined kind of purpose than before, but Masaru stops him again.

Masaru: “You’re not thinking of sacrificing yourself again, are you?”

Falcomon: “Ikuto!”

Ikuto: “If I go, attacks might stop. Everything… Everything my fault!”

Poor Ikuto. Gotsumon’s obsession with killing him and making the entire battle from last episode seem like it was all about that has meant that this kid is still convinced that all of this conflict is his fault, just for existing. In reality, SaberLeomon doesn’t even care about Ikuto. This has nothing to do with him. It never did.

Masaru: “Are you stupid?”

Ikuto: “I not stupid!”

Masaru: “Then why are you saying it’s your fault? Don’t believe that crap those guys told you! You didn’t do anything wrong!”

Masaru is so good! Not only is he telling Ikuto it’s not his fault, and recognising on some level that it’s because of all the crap Gotsumon told him that he even thinks so, he’s stating it in such a straightforward way that presents like it’s obvious that nothing is Ikuto’s fault, that anyone who’d think that about him would have to be stupid to do so. It’s harsh on Ikuto, but it’s also kinda what he needs to hear.

Masaru: “Was last night’s meal good?”

Masaru, already done with explaining that things are obviously not Ikuto’s fault, switches to a different tack. Ikuto stares at him blankly at this question, and Masaru shifts his expression to a more forceful one until Ikuto nods. It’s a fun little moment of silent conversation that is awkwardly really difficult for me to get across in my usual quotey way on here.

Masaru: “Listen. Normally we’d be having more of that good food for breakfast right now, but now we have to throw everything down and move out. All because of that whatever-it-was-called Digimon! Anyone who doesn’t let a guy eat must be served *justice*!”

That last sentence is accompanied by a dramatic close up of Masaru’s furiously indignant face. What a dork.

This is followed by a long awkward silence as everyone stares at Masaru.

Miki: “Masaru… Stop wasting time saying weird things, just hurry up and move!”

Even DATS HQ, hearing this over Masaru’s earpiece, are unimpressed.

But also, in a way, these words of Masaru’s were kind of what Ikuto needed to hear as well? He’s being straightforwardly Masaru and focusing on the simple things in life, like good food, showing that even things like that can be important enough to be worth getting worked up and fighting for.

Ikuto: “But… Can’t beat SaberLeomon!”

Someone knows his evolution levels! Makes sense when he grew up in the Digital World. (Also I like how the “but” implies that he actually bought into Masaru’s argument about missing breakfast.)

Masaru: “Is that why you won’t fight? You’ll never win in the first place if you don’t step into the fight.”

Masaru still has the most Masaru-ish philosophy to this sort of thing, of course. You’ll never know what you can achieve if you don’t even try. It’s reckless but so good.

Masaru: “I’m going.”

[he strides towards the door]

Chika: “Dressed like that?”

[he turns around]

Masaru: “Say that sooner.”

Of course Masaru is enough of a dork that he’d almost go rushing into a fight in his pyjamas. I love the way Chika points it out, too. There’s only so much I can do to get across their effect in this commentary, but this episode’s little moments of comedy are really, really on point in their delivery – probably my favourite in the whole series on that front.

Making food is still Sayuri’s way of expressing her love and concern whenever her son goes running off into danger, so she offers to make the boys anything they want for when they get back. Agumon of course asks for fried eggs. Masaru’s favourite food, meanwhile, is apparently curry, so Sayuri’s going to make fried egg curry. Agumon and Masaru are very excited about this. Chika just sighs in exasperation at her brothers’ ridiculousness.

Sayuri: “What about you, Ikuto-kun?”

Ikuto: “I-I…”

Aww, Ikuto, still not being entirely comfortable with making himself at home with Sayuri’s hospitality… and likely also not even knowing what human meals might be on the menu.

Falcomon: “I’ll have the same as Ikuto!”

Meanwhile Falcomon is adorable in how he’s immediately jumping to be with Ikuto on everything, even if it’s just meal choice. He’s probably still trying to show Ikuto how supportive of him he’s determined to be, in line with his big speech last episode. What a good friend.

Masaru: “It’s decided then. Let’s go!”

It kind of isn’t, because Ikuto hasn’t said what he wants. But I guess Masaru is too excited about fried egg curry and too eager to get to the fight to bother with details like that.

Over where SaberLeomon is, Yoshino and Tohma are already at the scene, with Lilamon and MachGaogamon having already evolved offscreen (hooray!). They’re getting their asses handed to them, because of course they are, because evolution levels.

SaberLeomon: “Digimon who team up with humans… what pathetic idiots.”

This is probably the opinion of quite a lot of the Digimon who live in the Digital World, especially those who witnessed the massacre carried out by humans.

Masaru and Agumon make their dramatic entrance by yelling from the top of a chimney even higher up than SaberLeomon is. Masaru has very much hit upon a tactic of getting the high ground on giant and/or flying Digimon by climbing up the tallest nearby structure, if one’s available.

Masaru: “Don’t think you can get away with whatever you want on my turf, you bastard!”

Oh, Masaru. This is totally just a normal street fight against some punk invading his “turf”, of course he’d frame it this way.

He leaps down from the chimney and punches SaberLeomon in the face, but his eyes widen as his fist connects. He can tell that didn’t have nearly as much of an impact as it usually does on weaker Digimon. SaberLeomon looks right at him, not even flinching from it.

(Mercurimon was somewhat impressed when Masaru punched him, but that was a lot less about the strength of the punch and a lot more about him recognising a Daimon’s Digisoul. SaberLeomon has no such sentiment and therefore no reason to be fazed at all.)

Masaru refuses to let this deter him and evolves Agumon into RiseGreymon. The other two Perfect-levels can still fight, too, so they fire their attacks together (though not outright combining them like they did before, even though they probably should)… and SaberLeomon just roars and glows with some kind of shielding effect that makes the attacks bounce right off. Because of course he does. Evolution levels!

SaberLeomon proceeds to beat the crap out of the DATS Digimon some more. MachGaogamon goes for his Winning Knuckle attack, which is beginning to utterly fail to live up to its name, and SaberLeomon just blocks it and then steps on his face. Ouch.

Masaru: “They’re beaten this badly after just one hit? Is the Ultimate-level really that strong?”

Yes, Masaru, that’s how this works, glad you’re starting to catch up. After a single claw attack from SaberLeomon, RiseGreymon is downed and unable to stand, with visible gouges left in his chest armour that’s usually seemed impervious to anything else he’s fought.

As SaberLeomon steps down even harder on MachGaogamon’s face as if to crush him, Ikuto shows up and yells at the giant lion to stop.

SaberLeomon: “Ikuto? I see… I’ve heard of you.”

SaberLeomon’s heard of him, but he doesn’t actually care about him either way, given that he’s not here to try and kill him or bring him back to the Digital World.

Ikuto: “Humans destroyed Digimon’s world. But… Digimon destroying human world, not good!”

Look at him go! He’s only articulating it in a very basic way right now (partly because he’s just not great at words in general), but he’s starting to get it! He’s come so far already from that furiously vengeful kid who just wanted to attack and defeat all humans when we first met him.

SaberLeomon: “The fact remains that you are a human. You wouldn’t understand the Digimon’s suffering.”

SaberLeomon, if you’ve heard of Ikuto, you should at least know that he grew up in the Digital World and is therefore just as much a Digimon in terms of the suffering caused by the massacre as any other actual Digimon. To say that obviously means nothing to him just because he’s human is kinda racist, dude.

Ikuto: “You’re wrong!”

Ikuto seems like he might be about to argue his case, but unfortunately SaberLeomon doesn’t give a damn and isn’t in the mood to listen, because he attacks Ikuto then and there and Falcomon has to dash in to tackle him out of the way. Masaru rushes over to them.

Masaru: “Are you okay?”

Ikuto: “I… want to stop SaberLeomon… But…”

Masaru: “Idiot! Worry more about breakfast!”

Masaru is such a dork, but I do think he’s still trying to help here. He’s telling Ikuto to stay focused on the simple things instead of getting too worked up about the bigger picture of humans versus Digimon and how he feels about all that, which really isn’t the kind of thing he has the space to be thinking about in the midst of a big fight.

Masaru: “Hey, SaberLeomon! How dare you attack the defenceless Ikuto!”

Masaru’s fighting principles are still so good, stressing that you shouldn’t attack someone who can’t or doesn’t want to fight back. Ikuto wasn’t even attacking SaberLeomon; he was just trying to talk to him!

Masaru: “I’ve decided, you are going down!”

SaberLeomon: “You think you can take me on, bastard?”

Masaru: “Try me and see!”

Oh, Masaru, ever refusing to be intimidated no matter how clearly and utterly outmatched he is. I love this kid’s spirit.

Masaru: “RiseGreymon! Stand up, RiseGreymon!”

RiseGreymon: “Aniki… Sorry… I can’t… muster enough energy…”

It’s very rare we get to Agumon being a character in one of his evolved forms! It’s adorable how this giant cyborg dinosaur still calls this fourteen-year-old kid “Aniki” and looks up to him and feels sorry that he can’t find the strength to do what Masaru is urging him to do. You know he must be trying so hard to come through for his aniki’s sake, but he just isn’t quite strong enough.

Things are interrupted by a strange mechanical Digimon appearing out of nowhere. It peers right at SaberLeomon, sizing him up with a crosshair, and then fires a striped laser right into his forehead.

Unlike every other attack that’s been thrown at SaberLeomon in this fight, this one actually has an effect on him – a big one. His eyes widen; he staggers and stammers in shock; we see a shot from his perspective as his vision becomes pixelated. (I like how that’s the Digimon equivalent of blurry vision.)

The strange Digimon flies off, its job apparently done. Tohma and Yoshino comment on it showing up and how SaberLeomon is acting strange.

Masaru: “Don’t look around when you’re in the middle of a fight!”

Masaru, meanwhile, either doesn’t notice or simply doesn’t care and takes this as an opportunity to get in a free hit, rushing at SaberLeomon again. If RiseGreymon doesn’t have the strength to fight right now, Masaru’ll do it for him.

Masaru: “Take a good look, Ikuto! SaberLeomon! Feel Ikuto’s pain!”

I also like how he’s not doing this just as an attack but also as an attempt to communicate to SaberLeomon what he refused to listen to from Ikuto – that Ikuto is also hurting just as much as the rest of the Digimon are and therefore that he does deserve a say in this.

Masaru leaps up with the power of anime physics and punches SaberLeomon right in one of his massive fangs… and it actually cracks all the way through and breaks off. This is definitely not something that should have been possible just from a single human punch, given how completely unaffected he was by Masaru’s previous punch. Something is up here.

The others present don’t quite seem to pick up on this and realise the reason for it. They only gape in amazement at the fact that Masaru managed to deal such damage to an Ultimate-level.

RiseGreymon: “Aniki… That’s amazing…!”

Masaru: “Come on! Show ‘em what you’ve got!”

RiseGreymon: “All right!”

Inspired by seeing his aniki being this awesome, RiseGreymon manages to find the strength to stand up after all, flaring with power. It’s adorable that we know he couldn’t manage this before but that seeing Masaru’s seemingly-amazing feat gave him that extra strength. It is very shounen and friends.

RiseGreymon fires off an attack at SaberLeomon, who’s still staggering and flailing and obviously not well, and this attack successfully hits its mark and turns him into an egg, with SaberLeomon cursing humanity in his final words.

Yeah, that… that should not have been able to happen.

Still nobody else seems to be picking up on this. They’re just staring and probably putting this victory down to the power of Masaru’s sheer determination. It’s easy to simply be relieved that they won, especially considering how screwed they’d have been otherwise. Masaru himself is already putting the fight behind him and getting back to focusing on the important things as he kneels down in front of Ikuto.

Masaru: “Man, I’m hungry. Today’s curry has gotta be good! Right?”

He ruffles Ikuto’s hair. Ikuto stares at him, tearing up, and then smiles and agrees. He’s beginning to feel like he does belong in Masaru’s house as part of a human family, and it’s adorable.

RiseGreymon interrupts them to draw their attention to SaberLeomon’s Digiegg, which is… sparking. Digieggs don’t normally do that. As they turn to watch it, the egg outright disintegrates into particles of energy that dissipate into nothing.

While it’s not a stretch to expect him to simply be defeated when he’s a villain, in true Leomon fashion, SaberLeomon just outright died. With no egg, there’s no coming back in any way.

This is also exactly what Ikuto described as being what happened to Yukidarumon. He said she left nothing behind, not even an egg. Mercurimon said a similar thing about all of the other Digimon who were killed in the massacre by humans.

And, so, the awkward thing is… everyone present should really, really be reacting to this with more horror than they actually are. Especially Ikuto.

It’s reasonable for DATS to not think of their usual procedure of reverting a Digimon to an egg to be killing them, because the Digimon is still there in the egg and able to be reborn. But right here, DATS just straight-up accidentally murdered someone. That should be kind of a big deal! It is going to be a big deal in every other episode this happens in!

For the rest of this series, the writing avoids falling into moral dissonance when the protagonists become horrified at Digimon being murdered, because the type of murder they’re condemning is significantly more permanent and murdery than the arguably-harmless egg-reverting that they themselves do. I appreciate that there are these two different levels of “death” for Digimon in this story to allow this to work out and not feel hypocritical on DATS’s part. Other Digimon series are decidedly not so good about this.

But this one episode here is the one time that falls awkwardly flat, because nobody reacts to the fact that they just accidentally murdered SaberLeomon in the way that they should.

Masaru: “It disappeared…”

Yoshino: “Hey, what’s going on?”

All we get from them is this vague confusion. Even if they don’t remember their conversation with Ikuto and Mercurimon strongly enough to immediately connect this to what they’ve been told, they should at least be wondering, wait, what does this mean for SaberLeomon? (he’s dead; you killed him.) And if nothing else, Ikuto, who is right here and had his attention drawn to the egg disintegrating like everyone else, should know exactly what this means and be furious and horribly betrayed, because he wouldn’t realise that DATS didn’t mean for this to happen.

It’s just such a wasted opportunity, because Ikuto responding in fury to his new friends murdering a Digimon, supposedly proving that they’re just like all the other humans and he always knew all humans were bad and should never have trusted them, would be a delightful direction to go with his character arc. Masaru and co. would have to acknowledge that what they did was terrible while persuading Ikuto to understand that they genuinely didn’t mean to and expected the egg to stay there and had no idea they were going to actually kill SaberLeomon at all. Then it’d be a test of Ikuto’s faith in his new friends as to whether he could find it in himself to trust that they really meant that and weren’t just saying it to trick him, like he’d have insisted any human would do not so long ago. It’d be great!

I don’t think the reason this isn’t happening is because the writers actually considered it and decided not to for some ridiculous reason, because if they had considered this then I have faith in these writers’ ability to know that this’d be a great thing to do with the story. I just think this didn’t cross their minds; they simply thought of this moment as a way to deal with SaberLeomon while introducing the concept of Digimon outright dying and hinting at the source of that, and they didn’t fully think through what the implications should be.

Speaking of hinting at the source of this, guess who shows up.

Kurata: “Well, that was a magnificent display! I am moved, I am deeply impressed!”

It’s totally DATS he’s praising here and definitely not anybody else, of course.

Yoshino: “Why are you here?”

Kurata: “Let’s just say I was in the neighbourhood.”

Yeah, he just happened to be around, for absolutely no particular reason relating to what just occurred.

Kurata: “Anyway, what was that Digimon just now?”

He definitely hasn’t heard of that Digimon himself, you guys. Just as stumped as the rest of them, as Tohma confirms that it’s nowhere in DATS’s databanks.

Kurata: “It certainly was strong. If it hadn’t provided an opening for attack, things could have become dangerous.”

He sure likes to toot his own – cough, I mean, that Digimon’s horn, because obviously it had nothing to do with Kurata, right.

Kurata: “In any case, this is quite troublesome. It seems the Digimon are fully regarding us humans as their enemy.”

One single Digimon was doing that. That tells us nothing about how the rest of them feel. But it seems like someone is eager to present things this way.

Kurata: “We must do something about this. Don’t you agree, Doctor Tohma?”

There’s a long pause as Kurata looks at Tohma, who bristles as if he senses something passive-aggressively threatening in this sentiment. I like this early nod to the fact that Kurata sees Tohma as the most influential and most like himself of the DATS team, because they’re both scientist types. Foreshadowing of stuff to come.

Back at the Daimons’ house, the fried egg curry is here! I would say it looks delicious, except I personally can’t stand spicy foods – but I’m sure that to curry-lovers, it looks delicious. All four of the boys sure seem to think so, as they dig in exactly as enthusiastically as they did before, with no hesitation at all from Ikuto and Falcomon this time.

Later, Ikuto’s in the bath again as Masaru has a shower at the same time, which does read as a biiiit of an excuse for Masaru fanservice. (Still, it’s not quite as blatant as the completely gratuitous shower scene Tohma got in his introduction, since this scene at least serves a narrative purpose at the same time. With how active and energetic Masaru is, it’s only times like this where he’d have the downtime to let himself have a quiet conversation.)

Masaru: “You better clean well, or else Chika will come after you.”

Ikuto: “Okay…”

Ikuto looks distant as he responds to this, like this isn’t really what’s on his mind at all. After a pause, he voices what he’s probably been wondering for a while.

Ikuto: “Hey, is it… Is it really okay for me to… be here?”

He still can’t quite wrap his head around this idea – that these people actually want him around and in their lives, and he’s not causing them trouble by being here with them.

Masaru: “Huh?”

Ikuto: “Never mind…”

Masaru doesn’t appear to have been expecting Ikuto to even ask a question like that, because the answer is already obvious to him. Ikuto seems to take his response as an implication that the answer will be negative and so tries to back out of the question. He lowers himself in the bathtub and blows some bubbles underwater, like he’s trying to distract from what he asked, or just make himself smaller and hide.

Masaru turns off the shower head, perhaps to make sure Ikuto hears him and pays attention properly as he answers, but still not looking at him, to make the answer as casual as it should be.

Masaru: “Of course it is.”

Because of course it is! Of course it’s okay for Ikuto to be here, for as long as he needs to be, and that’s all there is to it in Masaru’s eyes. He’s so good.

The episode ends with Agumon and Falcomon announcing they’re also coming into the bathroom to wash, leading to more there’s-no-space-for-us-all bathtub shenanigans, over a backdrop of the Daimons’ house.

And I think I get perhaps another part of the reason why the writers either didn’t think about the whole whoops-we-murdered-SaberLeomon thing, or decided to skip over it even if they realised it should be a thing: because they wanted to have this scene here with Ikuto expressing his doubts and Masaru explicitly telling Ikuto that it’s okay for him to stay. No way that scene could have happened if Ikuto was currently in a state of being furious at Masaru and co. for apparently being Digimon murderers like humans totally always are.

Still, I feel like this scene could have been moved to earlier in the episode, and it’d still have worked well enough for Ikuto to be willing to express his doubts then. And then we could have ended this episode on a delightfully painful contrast to the earlier adorable domestic shenanigans, with Ikuto refusing to share in the egg curry or the bath time and perhaps not even wanting to be in the same house as Masaru any more.

Overall thoughts

Okay, look. Maybe I shouldn’t, because of the issues I have with the way nobody is bothered about accidentally murdering SaberLeomon and the lost potential there – but I really love this episode anyway. The oops murder part is an issue that I sort of think of as more of an issue in the overall plot of this arc, rather than as a problem with this individual episode. And this episode has so many good bits!

I just utterly adore all of the silly heartwarming domestic shenanigans. The forehead-poke-shogi-Jenga game is so wonderfully dorky and childish and I will never be over the red patch on Masaru’s forehead. Then there’s Sayuri and Chika welcoming Ikuto and Falcomon without question, and agreeing that they’re happy Masaru’s found a better outlet for his energy thanks to Agumon. There’s Ikuto slowly warming up to it all and gradually beginning to more actively get involved in the shenanigans and realising that he’s accepted here. This kind of heartwarming slice-of-life family stuff is extremely on-brand for Savers’ theme of family and exactly the kind of thing Ikuto needed at this point in his arc, and this episode does it so well. I don’t care that they should be more upset that they accidentally murdered someone in this episode in particular when it also has all of this in it.

And, aside from the fact that nobody cares that they murdered him, and also just the part where he’s not very interesting as an antagonist, the actual fight with SaberLeomon is fairly good as big fight scenes go. There’s some fun moments of RiseGreymon being a character and Masaru being brotherly towards Ikuto, as well as a distinct sense that something is very wrong once that strange Digimon attacks SaberLeomon.

---

[Dub comparison]

#digimon #digimon savers #masaru daimon #ikuto noguchi #falcomon #agumon #sayuri daimon #chika daimon #akihiro kurata #saberleomon #governor hashiba

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wevegottogetaway · 3 years

Text

The one where it turns sweeter (part2)

TW: smut

So... this is my first time writing smut. I just hope that I did the piece justice and that you’ll like it. Tell me if that’s something you’d want more or also if you have any feedback/criticism/idea/request, I would love to hear your lovely thoughts. Please don’t be shy xx

Part 1

"Just shut up and come kiss your dork."

Y/n certainly doesn’t need more incentive to comply; the sweet taste of his lips seeping through hers is plenty enough as it is. Her mind is a nerve-ending away from losing any semblance of a grasp on reality. This feels too much like a dream: fuzzy mind, sensitive skin and a desperate plea not to be awakened yet.

Except, all her senses are on overdrive, buzzing with more fervency with every new inch of her that Harry explores. And no matter how dreamlike it all seem, the thrills are much too intense to be sleep-induced and the details much too accurate to be conjured up by a deceiving mind. The way chills spiral up her spine as they follow the roaming of his hands underneath her shirt; the way her skin erupts in tiny goose bumps where his lips leave wet spots after careful ministrations. Starting at the corner of her month, as if reluctant to retire from their twin set, all across her left cheek to finally tease the area right below her ear and mischievously graze his teeth around the earlobe.

Definitely real.

"Fuck. I’ve been wai’in." He almost whimpers the extent of his relief, the rasp of his voice triggering a new wave of shivers across y/n’s straddling body. "Been waiting so long, love."

"No more waiting now." She quickly answers with a pointed shake of her head.

Her hands also have a mind of their own, not wasting a second more to finally tread the land that had been forbidden to her until tonight. Now his neck was hers to scratch and his wondrous locks hers to grasp and to pull in taunting fashion. Now the grunts coming out of his mouth still tending to her ear, were hers to revel in and to swallow in a searing kiss. Now she was his to hold, to touch and to undo like the final tug to a bow on a wrapped present. Now the pleasure was theirs to share.

"Off, take it off" Y/n breathlessly inquires after pausing their kiss long enough to voice her request. Her fingers have already made their way to the bottom of Harry’s jumper, slipping underneath the heavy material only to be met by more fabric. She pouts as she realizes there was more work than expected, but as soon as the first layer has been discarded and she takes in his disheveled hair and flushed cheeks, the disappointment melts right off her lips. Her hands cups at his face as she bits a growing smile and her eyes dive into the green gems already focused on her. "Flustered, are we?" She teases before rearranging his hair back in one brushing gesture and sealing their lips back together.

"Mhm, got me all hot an’ bothered, darlin’" he quips back as he rids her of her top, successfully leaving her in a simple black laced bra. Damn, she didn’t have the same multi-layer luxury he had apparently. The special endearment is also not lost on her, its appearance quite new between them, but in retrospect it can just be added to the list of ‘new’ things their relationship now entails.

Harry takes in the sight of her exposed cleavage, one hand swiping the strings of hair still resting upon her right collarbone, before finally dropping kisses down her neck and across the top of her breasts. One soft grip at her waist, his other hand crawls back to press against the area between her shoulder blades in a desperate attempt to get her that bit closer than she ever was.

"You’ve got one more." Y/n reminds him, her head slightly tilted upward as to avoid a mouthful of Harry’s mane. At her words, he slowly leans back to take in her own flustered state.

"This not enough fo’ you?" He asks knowing full well she was just as antsy for skin-to-skin contact as he was.

"Not even close" she proudly responds while taking the matter into her own hands. In a swift and not too clumsy motion, she’s got his undershirt in a bowl that she hastily throws behind them.

"Better?" He smirks at her.

"Halfway there" is all she retorts and goes back for a much needed kiss, hands finally embracing the smooth expanse of his bare back. She can feel his own smile spreading so wide he can barely follow the kiss’ dynamic. "What?" She finally asks him in suspicious banter, keeping her face an inch away from him, a finger swiping across the corner of his bottom lip.

"Nothin’" He murmurs along her jaw, before elaborating. "Just…livin’ on a prayer."

Y/n can’t help but laugh at the Bon Jovi reference, the moment is so Harry-like. A few words were always enough to make random songs pop into his head, and then the temptation is too hard for him to pass up the opportunity to make a pun about it. That’s just how he’s brain works and y/n has always loved this quirk of his. He is a music enthusiast after all, and the passion he’s derived from is what made him such a force to be reckoned with, so really, y/n doesn’t mind.

"Care to clue me in on that prayer of yours?" She says instead, before she suggestively takes a bite of his lip. The statement earns her a chuckle as Harry goes back to flowering her neck his tender pecks.

"Don’t worry darlin’, you’ll be singing them in no time." He chirps back seductively, bringing his hands to grasp at y/n thighs still straddling his lap. Then in one swoop, he lifts her and lowers her back until she’s laying on the ground. Quickly his tattooed torso follows suit as he comes resting above her figure and reunites their lips in an unprecedentedly passionate kiss.

This time around, y/n’s hand concentrate on the inked work adorning his front, fingers tracing each of the artist’s lines. It mesmerizes her how the art seems to be such an intrinsic element of his skin now. Like all the graphics and doodles had been embedding the tissue since birth. Swallows flying across is chest as he learnt how to walk; laurels flourishing along his pelvis as he became less boy and more man; butterfly metamorphosing some every day he grew closer into the amazing being he is now.

So y/n may have lost it a little, but in her defense, Harry has always been her weakness and now he’s kissing his way down her chest and playfully nipping at her belly button…so she’s officially relinquished any sovereignty she may have once possessed over her body. Harry softly pecks the palm of her hand when she brings it to his cheek, her gaze already clouded in euphoria. After sharing a knowing look like two accomplices on the brink of mischief, he mutters a soft "can I?" as his fingers tease at the waistband of her jeans.

A hazy ‘please’ is all he needs to work her zipper down and button off, all the whilst sporting a smug corner smile. The task gets a bit more tedious when it comes to peeling the fabric from her legs but it’s not Harry’s first skintight jeans’ rodeo. Plus, the sight he is privy to once they’ve joined his long forgotten undershirt and jumper somewhere behind the couch, is quite unparalleled in comparison. Smooth legs that take his head for a spin with how elegant yet how strong they look; cotton panties, still matching in color, covering wonders he has yet to experienced; so much flesh and skin ready for the taking and calling out for his touch.

A soft groan escapes him as he lowers himself back to place a wantsome kiss on her timid smile. "Fuck, look a’ you, love." More kisses. "So pretty…so delicious." He utters against her throat, nose tenderly rubbing against the skin.

His lips retell the same stories as they travel down y/n’s body once again, this time making a longer halt as they gloss over her breast, blindingly enclosing themselves around y/n’s nipple though the garment’s lace. She swears she can feel him smiling against her boob as the small bud hardens from pleasure, and when he adds in a quick graze of his teeth once he’s satisfied with his work, y/n’s hand flies out to the one making its way up to her other nipple.

The gesture isn’t meant as a restraint so much as an encouragement which Harry happily embraces. His thumb starts circling the areola in a slow and teasing manner, every now and then applying increasing pressure in its center. Y/n’s hand is still wrapped around his wrist, as if afraid he would suddenly stop, while the other slides down his back to squeeze at his bum.

"Touch me" she breathes out.

"I am."

"Touch me more." Her insisting words have him lift his head from her skin to process her demand: at this point, his mind might be fuzzier than hers.

"My girl wants somethin’ more? Just have to ask, darlin, I’ll give it straight t’you."

His hand starts moving underneath hers, and once she’s pleased with the path it’s taking, she lets go of it. Just as her hand settles back on his shoulder, her fingers dig in the flesh in retaliation to the dragging caress Harry is delivering underneath her panties. He is being awfully slow at it, collecting wetness all around and bringing it back to slick up her neglected clit. He has readjusted his body back to her level, not wanting to miss the slightest manifestation of her pleasure on her face.

As his movements around the bud speed up, her legs fidget more and more in between his, until the pressure starts building strong in her lower belly and her mind is once again pleading to get him closer to her. Untangling their lower limbs to wrap hers around his waist, his response comes in a feverish kiss and his ministrations moving from her tingly clit to her wet opening. They resume their circling motion, index teasing its way in but never quite making an entrance; the patience game he seems to be playing not to y/n’s liking as she groans against his lips.

"Flustered, are we?" He has the audacity to use her own words against her but somehow it turns her on even more. Makes her all the more curious to discover just how sassy he can be when he’s got her in a puddle at his fingers. Quite literally.

"Don’t be mean." Y/n pouts before laying open mouth kisses along his neck. Maybe that’ll motivate him.

"Sorry, love. You’re just so drippy down there, it’s driving me crazy. Is it all fo’ me?" He kisses her forehead in a vain attempt to make up for all the riling up he’s doing.

He forgets he can be as easily riled up though, when y/n susurrate at his ear "You know it is."

The admittance has him pushing his hips against her, effectively pressing his fingers harder on her pussy. They both moan in unison at the friction, heightened pleasure coursing through their bloodstream, saturating their veins. It’s then they realize there’s so much more to come, like the moment ticked something off in their brains, and now they can’t get naked fast enough. Frantic hands pulling at the remaining clothing articles left of their bodies while their lips are caught in an equally raging war. A war they’re battling on the same side as they fight for the same thing: intimacy, passion, closeness.

Once they’re both left bare to the other’s eyes, they take a second to revel in the moment. It took all the patience and abnegation in the world to get them to this point. Days of yearning stifled in silent admonition and nights of supposedly wishful thinking that left them wanting more at every new sunrise. So much anguish turned into so much elation as the truth prevailed though. That’s a lot pleasure warranted to make up for lost time.

"Been dyin’ to taste you, darlin’. What d’ya say?" He asks in between kisses. Their naked bodies are so untangled they can’t tell beginning from end, but Harry is all too willing to unweave himself form y/n’s loving limbs if it means he gets to have her on his tastebuds. And apparently so is she, if the high-pitched ‘please’ breathing past her lips is any indication.

The smugness returns on his face as he once again undertakes the delightful descent to her sensitivity. There is no material stopping him this time though, just more skin begging to be brought to life. And when his lips finally surf across her mound, the goose pumps blooming in their wake just prove him right. Her breathy noises only spur him on, tongue finally taking a long swipe across her lips, like a secret weapon kept under wrap for the most opportune time.

Y/n’s hands are quick to grab onto something, and the absence of linens underneath her only hastens her reach for him: one hand buried deep in his headful of curls, the other resting on his own hand at her hip. She feels his thumb rubbing soothingly at her skin there and she loves how tender he can be, even while simultaneously devouring her in greedy licks. The contrast as her vision blurring and no matter how much she wants to watch him have the meal of his life, her body is too riddled by pleasure to keep herself focused enough.

The feeling only keeps intensifying as Harry properly delves into her, tongue first, his other hand eventually coming to hold her thigh down as it keeps clamping back shut at every new wave of ecstasy rushing over her. "So good, Harry. Feels so good." She keeps chanting in delirium, and Harry’s own excitement is starting to grow unbearable. There’s no way he can’t let go of her to relieve himself for a second though, he’ll just have to wait for her unravelling.

"Taste so sweet, love. Come on, please cum fo’ me. Need it real bad." He pleads for her undoing as though Time was about to rip her away from him before he got to properly have her.

Deciding the moment calls for a change in tactic, he brings two fingers to her wet hole and swiftly slides them inside of her. Rejoicing when he is met with no resistance, he quickly brings his lips back to her sensitive bud, alternating between hard sucks and pacifying licks.

It doesn’t take much longer for the knot inside of her to come undone and her orgasm to take over every parcel and every atom of her. And Harry can’t get enough. She’s everywhere: all around his tongue as he keeps fucking into her in earnest strokes; up to his nose while the angle has him brushing against her clit; down his ears with songs of uncontrollable bliss; underneath his hands as he can feel every spasms seizing her body.

He tends to her sensitivity until she’s too overwhelmed to bear it, and complies when she gives a small tug at his hair. Their lips immediately find each other even though they were both rendered breathless by y/n’s climax. She can taste it on his lips so vividly, it makes her moan at how utterly crazy he’d gone at it. She tenderly swipes away the wetness on his chin while their tongues waltz together, and brings him closer to her with a koala move. Soon they are both made acutely aware of Harry’s excitement as his hard member is trapped between their heated bodies.

"You’re incredible." Y/n finally voices with a look of unadulterated love and pure wonder. Her smile only emphasizes her confession and Harry’s heart swells so hard, he wonders if the butterfly on his stomach feels it too. He mirrors her beam with one of his own before lowering his forehead against hers. His muscles are starting to feel sore from the tension that has yet to be liberating from his body, and it takes all he’s got, not to drop the support his arms provide as they lay on each side of y/n’s face.

"Got me so hard, love. Feels like imma bout to explode." He admits while sliding his cock back and forth along her sweetness. He feels like a ticking bomb, winded so tight from years of nerve-wracking suspense, that have never felt more like foreplay than right at this moment, as y/n reaches out to him. Her hand confidently wraps around his shaft to deliver long strokes that have him shudder in pleasure.

"Gonna do something about it?" She murmurs tauntingly at him.

"Mhm" is all he can respond before taking her hand from his cock and holding it down above her head in an interlocking grip. Taking a hold of his hard member, he then proceeds to gently tap her clit with his sensitive tip, in retribution for a teasing behavior. "Do we need a rubber?" He remembers to ask in between her moans.

"Not on my account." She answers truthfully, and Harry exults in knowing there will be nothing but warm smooth walls enveloping his dick once he finally has her.

"Yeah? Gonna let me just slide in? Take me all the way an’ keep me there forever?" The words have a clear purpose to wind her up further, but Harry thinks he might have screwed himself over with that one, as he finds himself equally aroused at the idea. Precome is already leaking from his reddened and swollen tip, only adding to the mess they’ve made together.

She answers him with a gentle kiss and her free hand comes to hold his jaw, thumb caressing his cheek in light motion. Their lips part for a shaky breath as Harry slowly pushes himself inside of her. They both sigh when his hips meet hers, every tensed molecule in their body uncoiling at the delicious friction.

As he starts rocking into her, Harry’s hand grabs at y/n’s thigh to keep it close around hip. His other hand is still interweaved with hers by her head and he doesn’t think he’ll ever let got of it.

He’s movement starts to speed up, as the pleasure becomes stronger and the change in pace has y/n arching into him. He takes the opportunity to slide his hand up her back, when his fingers come in contact with a tiny item on the floor. In confusion, he takes it out from under her, and brings it up between them. Puzzled faces relax in recognition as they take in a square shape piece of their long forgotten game, the letter G carefully painted on its surface.

"Guess I found it, huh." He jokes before tossing the piece away, and they both burst in laughter at the silly pun, Harry’s face buried in her chest. How can one have still so much wit even when balls deep in their secret-not-so-secret-anymore crush for the first time? Y/n loves it, though. It makes all the rapture even more delectable to know the one giving it to her is the same old Harry who almost gave her a heart attack once from how hard she was laughing.

Laughters quickly merge into gasps of pleasure at the pressure of y/n’s walls tightening around Harry’s cock. Just like that, the playful interlude is over, letting lust conquer all. Powerful thrusts resume their pounding motion as y/n once again dissolves into colorful moans, and Harry takes his hand back up her spine until he’s holding onto the back of her neck. Kisses are trailed down her throat as he tilts her head slightly to the side. "Squeezin’ me so hard, love. Must be doin’ somethin’ right," He says against her skin, as he pounds into her. He can feel her walls clenching again, body twitching around him and he knows she’s close to her peak.

Removing his hand from underneath her, all the whilst not relenting from his earnest fucking, he brings two fingers to her lips, caressing the soft flesh before dipping past them. "Come on darlin’, make ‘em wet for me." He commands and the mere word have her throbbing from anticipation. Obediently, she accepts the digits in her month and starts wrapping her tongue around them like she would his cock. As she indulges in a soft suction, Harry’s hips snap even harder, making her wheeze in response.

Fingers free from the confine of her warm mouth, he fits them down where their body meet and starts rubbing at her clit. "About to cum, aren’t you? Can feel it too, you know," he starts rambling to distract him from his own impending climax, "Gonna give it to me good, yeah? Wanna feel it all around, makin’ a mess o’ me, alright?"

"Yes, Harry. ‘M so close," y/n answers before giving a sharp tug at his hair, "fuck me harder, please." It takes all his might not to nut right then and there, but the prospect of sharing the sweetest high of all with her, gives him enough resolve to hold back. Instead, he endeavors to make good on her request by delivering hard and vigorous thrusts that has her bucking against him. Wet noises start feeling the space around them, arousal coating their joined bits as well as Harry’s busy fingers. "That’s it, that’s it, almost there" he keeps muttering like prayers whispered to the Almighty. And it seems like the heavens are responsive tonight as a couple of hard calculated shoves is all it takes for y/n’s orgasm to rupture and send her spiraling.

"Harry," his name on her lips at this very moment might just be the sexiest thing he’s ever heard. "Feels so good." Bliss and ecstasy are written all over her face, and the visual coupled with the sensation of her pussy still hugging tight onto his shaft, send him to a euphoric release of his own. Goose pumps pave their way across his skin as he gives a few more rolls of his hips to accompany the ribbons of cum spurting out of his cock. Y/n’s name is the only thought consuming his hazy mind, the only sound leaving his mouth against the tender skin of her throat where he’s buried his face. Slowly he then removes himself from her - not without a whine at the newfound emptiness greeting them both - and plops down by her side.

The living room is filled with an eery silence for a minute, as both y/n and Harry process everything that just transpired and give their body and chance to recuperate. Their sides are still touching, sticky from sweat, their breathing slowly regulating back to an even level. Harry carefully slides his hand into hers and they both share a look of affection.

"That was amazing." Y/n breaks the silence first in a hushed voice, and her confession makes Harry smile in pride.

"Fuck, com ’ere." He says although he’s the one lifting himself up on one elbow to give her a languid kiss. As he settles next to her, yet another Scrabble piece makes an appearance, this time stuck to the skin on the side of his shoulder before it falls off in a soft thud on the floor. He must have laid down on it in post-orgasmic bliss and the sweat made it stick there for a second.

Y/n picks it back up with a beaming smile as she inspect the little token. "Damn, for once I was actually kicking your ass at Scrabble. Kinda screwed myself over, didn’t I." She laughs at how she’d been so intent on winning the game, yet had been the one to throw the game board along with caution to the wind.

"Actually love, I believe I was the one you screwed." Harry playfully retort, earning him a small slap to the stomach. The gesture only makes him laugh some more as he engulfs her in a crushing embrace.

➪ Masterlist

#harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry smut #harry styles imagine #fluff #harry fluff #reader insert #harry styles fic #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfic #creative writing

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serpentinesarang · 3 years

Text

the rest is a secret

pairing: hyunjin (hwang hyunjin) x fem reader

genre: relationship!au, detailed smut

word count: 1983

content warnings: first-time sex (virginity can be implied if desired), unprotected sex (reader on contraception), mild swearing, lil bit of dom-y hyunjin

summary: it’s been three months with your boyfriend hyunjin, and he’s been patiently waiting to spice things up. when he accidentally encounters post-shower reader, he seizes the opportunity to do so.

a/n: requested by anon. thanks for your patience :)

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

I can’t believe he’s taking me somewhere special for dinner tonight! you squeal in your mind, wrapping up a hot shower. You wring out the remaining soap from your loofah before turning off the water and drying off.

You think back to the text from Hyunjin you’d woken up to: Dress up for dinner tonight... the rest is a secret. Have a good day, baby. Sighing with delight, you wrap your hair up and go about your body lotion routine, making sure to use the one Hyunjin had gifted you on your two-month anniversary. Might as well go all out... you think.

Just as you’re reaching for your face products, you hear a sharp knock at the door. It’s the middle of the afternoon, and you’ve got nothing on the agenda besides dinner with Hyunjin, so who the hell is trying to bother you?

With an exasperated huff, you throw on the thin robe hanging off the bathroom door and step into the hallway, but your heart nearly drops to your intestines as you hear the electronic beeping of your front door passcode being punched in. The keypad sings its little opening tune, and you’re too frozen with panic to process the door swinging open and showing none other than your sweet boyfriend.

Oblivious, Hyunjin closes the door behind him like business as usual then glances up and locks eyes with you across the way. His mouth falls ajar, his spine shifts up, and he stops himself from getting closer.

“Y-you gave me the code last week... Remember?” he asks in a soft, almost scared tone.

You let out the breath you’d been holding this whole time, your hands uncontrollably flying up to fist your hair out of sheer relief. “Yes!” you reply breathlessly. “I just... forgot about it, I guess...”

Smiling, Hyunjin pads over, stopping a few feet before you. “You freaked me out with that look on your face, baby.”

You pause for a moment, still trying to piece together why his presence doesn’t quite feel right. What’s he doing here before dinner? He’d disappeared after that text anyway, so you’d figured he was just gonna spend the day working.

“I’m sorrrry,” you chuckle sheepishly, bouncing a heel against the floor. “I wasn’t expecting to see you for, like, another hour or two.”

Hyunjin takes your hands in his, thumbs stroking your knuckles. “This was part of my plan: surprise you before dinner.”

Oh. Shit. He did explicitly allude to that in his text this morning.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here then,” you reply with a sweet smile.

His eyes do that adorable crescent moon thing as he matches your grin while squeezing your fingers in random patterns. “Dork. You smell good, by the way.”

Then his eyes flick downward to the white robe you’d haphazardly tied around yourself. This is the first time in your relationship that he’s seeing you wearing something more revealing than work or street clothes or pajamas. And he digs it a lot so far.

Resuming eye contact, Hyunjin asks with puppy-dog eyes, “Did I interrupt anything?”

Missing his well-veiled insinuation, you answer, “Not at all. I just got out of the shower, actually.”

Dropping your hands and instead placing his on your waist, Hyunjin says in a hushed voice, “Do you know how sexy you look right now?”

You gently grasp his forearms, feeling a tingle of excitement course through your nerves. “No... Tell me more.” You stare up at him with growing determination, your intuition screaming that this is a make-or-break moment, and god are you ready. Three months of just making out and dry-humping is torture.

“Nah,” he murmurs before craning his neck to plant a long, deep kiss on your lips. He pulls less than an inch away, his lips literally still atop yours. “You already know.”

At that, you cup his cheeks and mash your lips back together. A pang of desperation flashes within your chest as he molds his torso against yours and wraps his arms around your back, so you part your lips to meet tongues.

You’ve wanted this since the one-month mark because you and Hyunjin just click, and the level of physical magnetism between you has always been unbearably high. He’s truly your best friend, more so than your few girlfriends. You don’t need to think this through because now it feels right.

A few moments have passed. Hyunjin has carried and plopped you dead center on your bed. Looming over on all fours, he bores his eyes into yours with a nearly palpable kind of lust.

“Do you want me to undress?” he asks.

You smile. “I don’t care either way, baby. I’m just thrilled this is happening.”

Hyunjin smirks before tugging off his hoodie (no undershirt, that lazybones) and coming back down to tenderly kiss you. You feel the knot around your waist loosening, but he only moves the robe off your chest. Oh so delicately, he palms the underside of one of your breasts while bracing himself with the other hand.

You whimper when he kisses a sensual, painfully slow trail down your neck, stopping near the top of your other breast to gently suck and kiss. Both hands greedily rolling your breasts now, he slithers back to your lips, being a little more careless this time around.

Feeling your hunger exploding, you undo his jeans and slide a hand in, grasping his throbbing, girthy dick. Hyunjin groans into your mouth and thrusts his hips deeper into your touch, begging you wordlessly. So you oblige by slowly pumping his shaft and snaking your free hand in and around to grab a supple butt-cheek.

“Baby,” he whispers between kisses. “Harder―please.”

Trying not to smirk too much, you grant his request, maybe just a liiiittle too much pressure, but you reason that he’s way too turned on at this point. You even pick up the pace to a steady rhythm, occasionally caressing that butt-cheek.

Still feverishly making out with you, Hyunjin emits a deliciously drawn out moan against your lips, and he switches to tenderly pinching your nipples between his fingertips, which causes you to moan too. Now you can feel the precum gathering on your palm.

“Jinnie,” you pull away, “I’m as ready as you are.” Your eyes dart down to his dark pink tip bobbing in and out of view then back to his flushed face.

“Good,” he breathes out. “’Cause I want you bad.”

With that, he pulls himself upright, forcing you to stop pumping him, as he scoots down your thighs to move aside the rest of your robe, finally giving him what he wants: your nude, freshly showered body all for him.

You can see his eyes actually glazing over with desire as he shamelessly assesses you, his hands trembling over you as if he can’t believe this isn’t his nightly handjob fantasy.

“Hyunjin, why are you shaking? Are you nervous?” you ask, starting to doubt yourself.

“No, I’m so fucking over the moon right now I don’t know what to do,” he replies, a seductive airiness in his voice.

You pause, taking his words into consideration. “That’s okay, babe. Why don’t we take the rest off?”

Within seconds, your robe is chucked to the floor along with his jeans and underwear. You climb on top of Hyunjin and sit on his thighs, his beautiful erection lying like a stone against his flat stomach as he strokes your own thighs with his moistening palms.

“Can I touch you?” you ask, doing your best to keep your excitement from bubbling over.

“Please touch me,” he murmurs with expectant eyes, bringing his hands to your hips.

With the pad of your index finger, you trace a line up his veiny shaft from the base, and Hyunjin loudly exhales when you graze over the sensitive frenulum. Now, you lightly run your dominant hand up his shaft, pausing to dig his tip in circles against your palm.

“You’re teasing me...” Hyunjin whines, gripping your hips even tighter in his big hands.

You smirk. “What should I do then?”

He simply burns you with a narrow-eyed gaze, either mentally swearing about how ridiculously hot you look on top or carefully choosing his words.

Completely flipping the situation, though, he overpowers you with zero struggle, barreling you both over so he can loom above you again.

“I’ll tell you what you can do,” he responds in a dangerously husky tone while he captures your wrists in one of his hands and roughly pins them against the pillows. “You’re gonna have the best night of your life,” he growls, knocking your legs apart with his knee.

And without skipping a beat, Hyunjin pushes into you with his other hand pressed horizontally against your abdomen to feel his length poking upward from within your flexible, very aroused walls. And it does, causing an uncharacteristically high-pitched yelp to escape your mouth.

Hyunjin freezes, bringing that hand to your cheek, still tightly clutching your wrists in the other. “Tell me when,” he whispers, eyes roving all over your expression of combined surprise and newfound pleasure.

You take this moment to push your chin up and open-mouth kiss him a few times before whispering your permission while he tries to palm one of your breasts: “Go, Hyunnie.”

Off he goes into a decent, far-from-slow pace, rolling his hips effortlessly into your wet core just enough to avoid slamming your cervix. Luckily for him, this is exactly where your G-spot rests.

“HYUNjin,” you huff as he adds more pressure to his thrusts, bumping into your spot every other second.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks in a breathy voice.

You can’t control your eyes rolling back in their sockets when he finally increases his speed, full-on hammering into your pussy now. “Nothing—oh fUCk—”

“Ohhh okay, that means ‘don’t stop,’” Hyunjin interrupts, looking at you smugly.

You regain control of your eyes long enough to meet his devilish expression with your own. “You can do better.”

The very millisecond his brain processes those haughty words, his eyes nearly boggle out of his skull before he laces his hands with yours and throws them down parallel to your shoulders. To sweeten the deal even more, he uses the same knee to slide under your thigh and push your leg up as far as he can press with his torso, which—at the marvelous new angle Hyunjin’s even harder dick is kissing your sweet spot now—sends you into your first vaginal orgasm.

Watching your chest uncontrollably convulse with euphoria, Hyunjin open-mouth grins out of both pride and arousal, pushing himself to let up on the speed but max out on pressure, definitely slamming your cervix with each purposeful thrust. At this, your own mouth flies open in a silent scream, and you struggle to keep your eyes open.

“BabyIneedtocum,” Hyunjin groans in one mashed-together word before conjoining your mouths with messy kisses and tongue-sucking straight out of porn.

“I’m on birth control,” you sigh against his hair as he licks your neck. “Cum in me, Jinnie.”

You hear the most guttural, pussy-throbbing groan from him because that’s all he needs: your sexy, fucked-out voice (as if it wasn’t already naturally sexy to him) telling him to go ahead and paint your tight cave of wonders white.

All in less than a second, Hyunjin releases your hands, wraps his arms around your body, presses himself against you with all the energy he has left, and digs his already pulsing dick as deep as possible. You’ve been unknowingly clenching on him this whole time in the wake of your heart-stopping orgasm, so he spends a good twenty seconds holding you, taken hostage by his own unbridled pleasure.

Panting as if he’d hiked five miles in the mountains, he pulls himself off of you, cups your flushed face in his warm hands, and says, “And it’s not even close to dinnertime.”

#hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #stray kids hyunjin #skz hyunjin #hyunjin smut #stray kids smut #skz smut #hwang hyunjin smut #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #hyunjin x reader #kpop #kpop fanfiction #fanfiction #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop smut #stayverse #dom hyunjin

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terramous · 3 years

Text

i'm in over my head

an incredibly belated birthday present for my love @silvarafael !! thank u jamie i love you so so so much and i'm so grateful to be your friend!! title from: the palace - father john misty word count: 9.6k beta'd by: @marjansmarwani bthb - seizures warnings: vomiting AO3

“Here’s your uniform. It’s ready to go when you are,” Carlos declared as he wandered back into the bedroom. He had a soft smile on his face as he set the folded uniform down on the corner of the bed.

“Thanks, babe,” TK said as he dragged a hand down his face. It took him a little longer to gather up the energy he needed than usual. It was probably courtesy of the month he’d spent on medical leave while recovering from his concussion. He wasn’t used to surfacing before noon anymore, aside from when Carlos would press a kiss to his forehead before leaving for his morning shifts.

In reality, he was excited to get back to work after so much time spent at home recovering. He had been going stir-crazy since he was well enough to get down Carlos’ stairs by himself and it’d been three weeks since then. As much as he liked spending all of Carlos’ time off curled up together and without a shortage of affection, he was going to lose his mind if he spent any more time cooped up.

Carlos stepped closer to TK and brought a hand up to cup his boyfriend’s jaw as he connected their lips in a soft kiss. “How’re you feeling?”

“Pretty good.”

Being met with worried brown eyes pulling apart every detail of his demeanour was something TK had come to expect in his daily life and those looks had only become more frequent over the past month.

“Are you sure? How’s your head?” Carlos asked, running his hand through TK’s hair until it came to rest on the back of his neck and he began running his thumb over TK’s skin. It had become a comforting gesture they often shared when TK was plagued by the most horrific headaches during his recovery. It never soothed the pain but it made him feel less alone.

He’d gotten used to the constant low-level pain behind his eyes, it was nothing to worry about at this point, so he omitted mentioning that to Carlos. It would only serve to make his boyfriend worry when he really didn’t need to.

TK was fine. He was on the road to fully recovering from his concussion, he was finally going to get his life back.

Even though he was only scheduled for a six-hour shift today. It was incredibly short, pitifully so, but he had to take it easy.

Carlos didn’t even have a shift today, he was just spending lunch with his family at his Tia Lucy’s and would be able to pick TK up the second he was done at the firestation. It wasn’t like he was immediately being thrown into the deep end with a 24-hour shift, Carlos really didn’t need to worry so much.

“You know I love this shirt on you,” TK said as he smoothed down Carlos’ collar and trailed his fingers down the seam along Carlos’ shoulder.

Carlos leant forward to share another kiss with TK. He spoke as they parted, “you love every shirt on me.”

“I also love every shirt off of you,” TK whispered, following the kiss as Carlos drew backwards.

“I know you do, but you have to get dressed.” Carlos stood up from the bed and intercepted TK’s needy grab to draw him back into the bed with a firm poke of TK’s nose. “You have work.”

“I could call in and say that my head hurts, then you could spend the day in bed with me. Your Tia Lucy loves me, she’ll forgive you.”

“No, she’ll forgive you. You’re her favourite,” Carlos clarified with an accusatory point in TK’s direction. “You also say that as if your father wouldn’t order a wellness check and call me every fifteen minutes to make sure you’re not dying.”

“Ugh. He’s the worst.”

“I know sweetheart,” Carlos said, giving TK another chaste kiss before he quickly snuck away. “I’m going to sort out some breakfast so you can get changed.”

“You’re the worst,” TK protested with a pout.

Carlos poked his head back through the door and shot TK a smile. “You love me anyway.”

TK tossed a pillow at Carlos but it collided with the doorframe as Carlos disappeared down the hallway. “That’s debatable!”

He watched as Carlos disappeared through the door and down the stairs before he took a deep breath and glanced at his waiting uniform. It was just clothing, it should feel like a big deal.

And yet it did.

Grabbing the folded shirt on the end of the bed and pulling it into his lap, TK couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of anxiety in his chest as he ran his thumb over the patch with his name on the front.

This was his job, he loved it, he lived to help, but that didn’t keep him from feeling nervous about getting back in the game after a month. It didn’t help that his last shift ended with being held hostage on the wrong end of a gun and given a concussion.

He could do this. He just needed to be thrown back in the deep end.

Shrugging off one of Carlos’ old hoodies that he liked to sleep in, TK took a careful breath and mentally prepared himself for the shift ahead. He didn’t know why he was so nervous but something about the familiar weight of his uniform draped over his shoulders somehow made it feel more official.

The buttons seemed to be smaller and more stubborn than he remembered. He fumbled with them but just couldn’t seem to get his fingers to work properly. Never before had it been this difficult to dress himself. How many times had he done this exact thing without a second thought?

Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes. He just wanted things to go back to normal, but he couldn’t even put on his own shirt. Fuck.

He clutched at the material of his shirt, bunching the edges up in his trembling, useless hands as he stared down at the offending buttons through tearfilled eyes. He was so focused on the indignity and frustration of it all that he didn’t hear the footsteps outside the door until Carlos’s voice drifted in.

“Hey, food’s ready- what’s wrong?” Carlos asked. TK didn’t look up but Carlos’ hands were holding his in a matter of seconds.

“I can’t do it.”

Carlos squeezed TK’s hands softly in a way that was meant to be reassuring. “What can’t you do, sweetheart?”

“These stupid buttons!” TK huffed, unable to stop the fresh round of hot tears running down his face.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Carlos said, already moving to do up TK’s buttons in a matter of seconds. He smoothed down TK’s uniform, before carefully tilting his boyfriend’s head up to meet his gaze. “You know you don’t have to work today if you’re not ready. No one is going to judge you for taking a little more time off.”

“No offense, but if I’m stuck here for even one more day I am going to start climbing the walls.”

“None taken. Do you want something to eat?”

“Actually, can I just take it with me?”

Carlos’ eyebrows knit together at that as he eyed TK cautiously. He was clearly worried. “Sure. Are you nauseous? Do you want to take another day off?”

TK waved away his concern. “I’m fine. I just don’t want to be late.”

“Okay…” Carlos didn’t look convinced but he gave TK a quick kiss. It was just a second or two but it took all of TK’s strength to not seize Carlos by his collar and pull him down onto the bed.

Carlos knew this, of course, and smiled at TK before pulling away. “Finish getting dressed and we’ll get on our way soon. I’m sure you can manage that, but just call out if you need me.”

“I always need you.”

“You’re such a dork,” Carlos chuckled as he stepped out of their bedroom, blowing TK a kiss as he left.

TK lifted his hand to catch the kiss, gingerly curling his fingers into his palm. He turned back to his uniform and took a few seconds to let go of his anxiety. He could do this. The buttons were just a minor setback.

Truly, the buttons appeared to be the hardest thing. Not that TK was entirely sure why, but getting dressed the rest of the way proved itself to be a lot easier.

He’d even managed to brush his teeth and make his way halfway down the stairs before Carlos called out to him.

“Who’s this handsome paramedic in my house? I don’t remember calling 911.”

TK just rolled his eyes as he hopped down the rest of the staircase. As soon as his feet hit the floor he stood there with his arms open, giving Carlos a pointed look.

He tapped his foot impatiently as Carlos wandered over and wrapped his arms around TK’s waist, picking him up and walking towards the door.

“This is not what I had in mind!” TK grumbled until Carlos set him down. Slung over Carlos’ shoulder was TK’s duffle bag that plonked heavily on the ground at the same time as TK’s socked feet reconnected.

Before TK could say anything, Carlos was kneeling down and grabbing TK’s boots.

“I can put my own shoes on,” TK protested as Carlos manhandled his feet into the boots.

“You can’t even tie your laces properly, you still do the double-loop. It’ll go faster if I do it.”

TK knew it was a ploy to make sure he didn’t have to deal with the fiddly task of tying his laces. But he’d never tell Carlos that he had caught on.

I only took Carlos a few seconds before he was standing up again and pushing the front door open with a lovesick grin on his face. “You ready to go?”

“Definitely,” TK said with a nod.

TK froze as he stepped out of the front door. The sun was definitely brighter this morning than he was expecting, and a little more than his head was prepared for. But he could handle it.

“You good, babe?” Carlos asked. TK opened his eyes to see Carlos worriedly looking over the top of the car door instead of climbing into the driver’s seat. He really was going to worry about TK all day, wasn’t he?

TK nodded, “Yeah, I’m good.”

“You sure?”

Taking a deep breath, TK gave Carlos a smile. “It’ll be fine, Carlos.”

Walking into the firehouse felt like coming home after a long day. He wasn’t aware he could miss his workplace so much, at least until he spent a month basically confined to Carlos’ condo.

No one was around when TK wandered in, which he could probably chalk up to the missing ladder truck. That was until he spotted the one, the only, Nancy Gillian. She had her legs draped over the arm of the couch and her phone glued to her face, the blue light from the screen reflecting on her skin.

“He’s alive!” Nancy cheered as she looked up from her phone, all but throwing it aside as she kicked her legs up and in a few short strides, wrapped TK up in a bone-crushing hug.

This was definitely weird. TK had never even been hugged by Tommy, let alone the paramedic with whom he had not had the smoothest sailings with in terms of their relationship.

“I missed you, jerk.”

It took TK a few seconds before he was returning her embrace. “I missed you too.”

Almost instantly, Nancy let TK go and turned her back to him. “Did you hear that, Tommy? I told you I could get him to be sappy within five minutes!”

Tommy stepped into view and clicked the button on her stopwatch, making it beep. “2.38. That’s got to be a record.”

“I wasn’t aware there was a record. Or that you were both scheming against me on my first day back,” TK said, his gaze shifting between his fellow paramedics.

“C’mon, it was the perfect scheming opportunity. Marjan and Paul helped with the plan,” Nancy explained.

TK rolled his eyes. “Of course they did. I wouldn’t expect anything less from them.”

Nancy looked around before crossing her arms across her chest, looking somewhere between disappointed and bored. “They had hoped that they were gonna be here to witness it though.”

“Speaking of, why aren’t you guys on the call with them?”

“Medical wasn’t needed, so we’ve just been waiting for you to show up. They’ll be back soon, though,” Tommy said with a shrug.

“And Judd will probably never put you down again in your lifetime,” Nancy chipped in.

TK couldn’t help but to chuckle at the mental image of Judd carting him around for the rest of his life. He certainly wouldn’t put it past him.

Judd was, after all, always threatening to wrap TK up in bubble wrap or never let him do anything unsupervised ever again. TK definitely considered it to be an overreaction and a tad over-protective but everyone else seemed to disagree with him every time he brought it up.

He followed Nancy back to the couch where they both sat down and TK prepared for the onslaught of questions about his well being.

Nancy turned her calculating gaze on TK. “How’s your head?”

“Good.”

“Any dizziness?”

“Nope.”

“Sensitivity to light?”

“I told you, Nancy, I’m fine. Just happy to be back at work.”

“She’ll never admit it, but she missed you,” Tommy said.

“I did not,” Nancy hissed, shooting a glare in Tommy’s direction.

“She’s lying. We all missed you.”

TK turned to see Paul standing behind him. Paul smiled and ruffled TK’s hair. “How are you doing?”

“If one more person asks me that I’m going to smack them.”

“Don’t hit me,” Paul said, raising his hands with his palms towards TK in surrender.

“Give me one good reason,” TK said, raising his hand in an empty threat.

Paul eyed him carefully. “You need someone to protect you from Judd when he realises that you’re here.”

“True,” TK said, lowering his hand so that it rested in his lap. Judd’s big brother role that he had adopted was definitely a lot to deal with at times, but TK enjoyed the affection.

“Strand!” Judd’s distinct voice called, followed by the sound of hurried footsteps.

Paul mouthed him a quick ‘good luck’ before TK was wrapped up in a tight embrace.

Pitifully trying to shove away Judd’s arms, TK struggled to wriggle out of his hold. “I need to breathe, Judd.”

As soon as his boots hit the ground, TK rolled his shoulders back and shook out his arms as he bounced on his feet. It was good to be back.

It’d been a good day, mostly minor calls so far, a fainting, a typical rest home visit, and a compound fracture from an unfortunate shortcut down two flights of stairs. But this was exciting, he was back in the heat of it now.

“Look less excited to be at a car accident, Strand,” Nancy scolded as she jabbed her elbow into TK’s ribs.

“It’s not my fault. I’ve been on house arrest for a month, I’ve missed this.”

“And we’ve missed you, but make sure to listen to your body and not push your limits today. You’re supposed to be being eased back into this,” Tommy said carefully as she placed her hands on TK’s shoulders to hold him still.

TK nodded. “Got it. Take it easy, tap out if there’s any issues. I got it.”

Tommy offered him a satisfied smile before she turned to the scene. “Alright, TK, you take the kid that got flung, Nancy and I will check on the driver.”

“On it, Cap,” TK said with a sharp nod, adjusting the strap of his medical bag on his shoulder.

He could do this, he could see the kid sprawled on the road with a few firefighters by his side. This was straightforward, just TK and no hassle of waiting for the team to free his patient.

It was simple, something he couldn’t mess up on his first day back. He knew that this was Tommy’s way of including him without potentially jeopardizing anything.

“What have we got here?” TK asked as he knelt down on the opposite side of the patient, meeting Paul’s gaze briefly.

“Kid got thrown, don’t think he lost consciousness but he doesn’t seem to be in a chatty mood,” Paul offered.

“That’s alright, I got it from here. Why don’t you go do firefighter-y things?”

“Ooh, he’s a paramedic and now he’s too good for us firefighters,” Paul mocked as he gave TK’s shoulder a firm shove.

“Blah, blah, blah. Screw you, Strickland.”

“Let me know when you’re free!” Paul called with his hands cupped around his mouth as he jogged backwards towards the rest of the team.

TK couldn’t help the smile on his face as he shook his head. It was good to be back. He’d certainly missed everyone more than he cared to admit. He turned his attention back to his patient. As far as TK could tell, Paul had gotten as far as a cervical collar and not much else.

“Hey, I’m TK. I’m a paramedic. Can you tell me your name?”

“Andy,” the kid groaned, his face scrunched up in what TK assumed was pain. There was road rash visible on Andy’s face, blood from his nose and a laceration on his forehead sticking his long black hair to his skin.

“Hi Andy. I’m going to help you as best I can. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I’m-” Andy paused, seeming to need a moment to think about it. “I’m not sure.”

TK tensed for a moment before shaking out any visual reaction to the information he was gathering. He had to be professional, and being professional meant keeping his patient calm at all costs. “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you know if you lost consciousness at any point?”

“I don’t think so?”

TK pulled the edge of his bottom lip between his teeth, gnawing on it to ease his nerves. This wasn’t good. “Do you know where you are?”

“The middle of the road.” Well, he wasn’t wrong.

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Tuesday?”

TK shook his head. “It’s Saturday.”

“Nice.” Andy cracked a small smile. “I love the weekend.”

TK fished his penlight out of his pocket and turned it on in one fluid motion. It was muscle memory, but it felt good to be back. He ran it over Andy’s eyes, his mind whirling as he processed what he was seeing.

Tensing up a little as he realised the severity of the seemingly insignificant head wound. “Pupils are irregular and response is delayed.”

“That’s bad isn’t it?” Andy asked, his voice climbing in pitch with what was undoubtedly fear. It was always fear.

“Don’t worry about that right now.” TK clicked off the light and held his penlight parallel with Andy’s face. “Can you follow my light?”

He watched Andy’s eyes trailing the sideways movement of the light carefully.

Clicking his tongue, TK slipped the penlight back into his pocket. “I can’t make a diagnosis here but you might have a concussion.”

“How bad is that?”

“Oh, it’s not gonna be pleasant. I just spent a month on medical leave for a concussion of my own. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

“Ouch?”

TK nodded, suppressing a grimace as he tried to ignore the stabbing pain making itself known behind his right eye. Now really wasn’t the best time for a headache. “Ouch.”

“I’m going to slide my hands under you to check for any bleeding that I can’t see. Is that okay with you?”

Andy nodded slightly, his movement restricted by the collar. Clearly his probable concussion protested the attempted motion as Andy quickly let out a groan, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Yeah, that won’t be a good idea for a while,” TK hummed as he began sliding his gloved hands under Andy, watching carefully for the familiar smear of red that would let him figure out why Andy was getting so pale.

But there was no blood.

In any other instance, TK would be relieved to find no evidence of bleeding, but with the growing lack of colour in Andy’s skin and the way that TK confirmed with a single touch that his skin was also colder than it should be, there was no relief from the lack of a visible bleed. It was almost definitely internal and there wasn’t a lot that TK could do about that.

Sucking his teeth, TK mentally ran over his course of action. It didn’t involve a lot of steps so he could handle it on his own. There was no need to bring in the cavalry.

“Okay, I’m going to give you an IV,” TK said as he dug around in his med kit. “It won’t solve anything but it’ll make you feel a whole of a lot better.”

“That sounds good.”

TK had the bag of saline, the needle—he even triple-checked the gauge—, the catheter and a few alcohol pads laid out before him. This was an IV, he’d done it a million times, he could do it in his sleep.

That was until he tried to open the alcohol pad and couldn’t seem to get his fingers to cooperate. It was the button fiasco all over again. TK was starting to get really sick of this.

Brushing it off and deciding to blame the alcohol pad as faulty, TK quickly tried another. And another. And another.

The alcohol pads weren’t faulty, he was.

Taking a breath as he closed his eyes, TK willed his hands to stop shaking. This wasn’t the end of the world, he could handle it.

“Hey, Gillian, can you give me a hand?” TK called over his shoulder and tried to ignore how unsure his voice sounded.

“Sure!” She called back. It was only a few seconds before Nancy was kneeling on the other side of Andy, her own med kit with her. “What do you need?”

With a careful inhale, TK asked the question he knew was only going to raise a million more. “Can you run a line for me?”

Nancy looked like she wanted to ask, but she stayed silent and set up the IV with quick ease.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nancy said. TK could tell that she was trying to seem casual, but her voice was firm. This was going to find it’s way back to Tommy and she was going to bench him. So much for a good first say back. “I’m gonna go see if there’s an available gurney.”

“That'd be great, thanks Nancy,” TK said with an uneasy smile. He was grateful but he knew that once this interaction was over, he was going to be benched. Carlos would be called to come and pick him up from the station and he’d be back on medical leave for the foreseeable future.

Nancy left and TK turned back to Andy who was eyeing him curiously, his brown eyes seeming to trail after TK’s every movement.

“Are you alright?” TK asked, scanning Andy for any sign of an injury that he may have missed.

“Did you know that you’re really pretty?”

TK froze for a second, he probably looked like he was buffering. Concussed teenagers are one thing. Apparently concussed teens flirting with him were the same thing. TK had to consciously remind himself to reply to Andy instead of just kneeling there looking like a stunned mullet. “It has been said.”

“No, I mean like, so pretty.”

TK rocked back on his heels slightly, lifting his head to look in the direction of the rest of the crew. Silently begging Nancy to return. “Andy, I’m flattered, but you’re like twelve.”

“I’m fifteen,” Andy said.

“I rest my case. You’re a minor and I already have a boyfriend.”

“It’s not my lucky day, I guess.”

TK could help a smile as he shook his head, ignoring the low-level pounding in his making itself known. “No. No, it is not.”

As soon as Andy was unloaded from the ambulance and Nancy and Tommy followed his gurney inside the hospital, TK climbed into the passenger’s seat of the ambulance to wait for them.

His body was so heavy, he really couldn’t fathom staying on his feet any longer. He wasn’t used to all this work. Maybe diving back into the deep end wasn’t the best plan.

If he was still a firefighter, he’d have been put on light duty. He’d be working reception, checking inventory or cleaning all day but he’d be doing something. Light duty wasn’t much of a function when he was a paramedic.

This was the closest he could get, he didn’t get to drive or work on anything that wasn’t minor. And still, he was feeling the toll.

Curling in on himself, TK massaged his temples. Of course his head had to hurt.

TK could feel the pressure in his head climbing. The little sharp pains morphed into a constant throbbing as it got harder and harder to bear having his eyes open. It was only going to get worse from here.

But he just needed to hold it together for the rest of the day. Or until they could get back to the station.

If they got back he could sleep off the worst of it, or look pitiful enough for Tommy to send him home. He didn’t want to go home but he wanted to stop feeling like he couldn’t do his job.

He could hear the distinct sound of doors opening and closing as Tommy and Nancy returned but he didn’t look at them.

“Good work out there, team. It’s been too empty just as the two of us, it’s good to have you back, TK,” Tommy said as TK felt the ambulance start up with the familiar hum of the engine.

“It’s good to be back.”

Nancy had pulled out of the hospital and back onto the road by the time Tommy spoke again.

“Do you want to talk about the IV, TK?”

“Not really,” TK said. He knew what Tommy was going to say, he was bound to be benched.

“Just say the word and you can go home. No one is mad, or disappointed, or anything. If you need more time off, that’s okay.”

“No, no. I’m good.”

“The offer is always there if you feel the need to take it.”

TK let out a short laugh. It sounded kind of like he was being strangled. “I won’t, but okay.”

They lapsed into silence, the atmosphere suddenly having become so much more awkward.

After a few minutes and most of their journey back to the station the pressure in TK’s head decided to spike and suddenly everything was making a fresh wave of pain hit him.

Groaning softy, TK pinched the bridge of his nose and scrunched his eyes shut to block out the light. He really needed the throbbing in his head to ease up or at least not get worse before they got back to the station and he could down a few advil to take the edge off.

Over his recovery period he had gotten used to the pattern of his migraines, the way the pain would linger for an hour or two and steadily get worse until it skyrocketed and Carlos had to hold him while he sobbed and tried to ride out the pain. By that point there wasn’t much either of them could do except to make their way up to the bedroom and hope that TK could sleep it off.

He couldn’t begin to even imagine how many hours Carlos had spent sitting on the bed next to him in the dark, rubbing his hand soothingly across TK’s back, silently begging for the pain to stop. TK knew how much it killed Carlos to see him hurting, as well as how he’d kept quiet about it but he could never really hide these things from his boyfriend. Carlos’ eyes were so full of emotion, they were a dead giveaway every time.

It’d been almost a week and a half since he’d had a migraine, his neurologist even said it was a good indicator that he was on the tail end of his recovery. However, in usual TK Strand style, good things never lasted.

As he opened his eyes, TK had to suppress his urge to curse. Everything was like he was looking through an out of focus camera, the haziness only slight in the centre of his vision but his peripheral vision was barely decipherable.

The taillights of the car in front of them seemed to pulse in time with his heartbeat and the midday sun was making the simple act of keeping his eyes open borderline-unbearable as pain laced its way through his skull.

This was bad.

He closed his eyes and leant his head back until it collided softly with the seat. At least he was expecting the dizziness and nausea as they washed over him.

“You alright, Strand?” Nancy asked, undoubtedly having given him a quick once-over when he got quiet.

TK nodded, biting his tongue as he felt like he was going to regret having lunch. He tried to laugh it off, but the sound came out very weak and not at all as casual as he had hoped. “Yeah, just tired. I’m not used to being awake for so long without taking a nap.”

“Feel free to lie down for a bit when we get back to the station. I don’t want you overdoing it, you hear me?” Tommy chimed from her seat in the back.

“I’ll be fine, Cap. Just need to readjust to working life.”

TK could hear Tommy shift in her seat, probably so she was sure that he was listening to her. “You sustained a traumatic brain injury after getting kidnapped on the job, I think you’re entitled to as many naps on the clock as you can take.”

“I’ll be fine. I just want you to treat me like you would any other day. You guys got kidnapped too, I don’t need any special treatment.”

“You’re not special, we just don’t want to waste half an hour giving you a ride up to the ER because you overdid it and didn’t tell anyone,” Nancy said.

“I wouldn’t do that,” TK objected, not even bothering to open his eyes and give Nancy a displeased look.

He didn’t even have the energy to roll his eyes as his coworkers laughed.

Tommy was the first to speak, “sure, kid. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

The laughter dissolved after a short while, Nancy and Tommy making amicable conversation as TK tried to hold himself together around every turn and slightly too-abrupt brake.

Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed like the fire station was further away than it had ever been before, he wasn’t going to make it until then.

Taking a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth, he couldn’t quell the nausea.

“Nancy, pull over,” he groaned.

“What?”

“Pull over.”

“I’m not going to pull over, TK. We’re almost at the station.”

“Nancy Gillian, I swear to god, pull this ambulance over.”

Nancy gave in, probably noticing the serious edge to TK’s voice or probably the fact that he had undoubtedly gone very pale in the passenger’s seat. “Okay, okay. Pulling over now.”

TK couldn’t fly out the door any faster once the ambulance came to a halt. He knew that Nancy and Tommy had a million questions that he wasn’t answering, but he was too preoccupied sinking to his knees and throwing up in the gutter.

This wasn’t going to go down in history as one of TK Strand’s finest moments, that’s for sure.

He didn’t notice anything aside from the throbbing in his head and the sting of bile in his throat until there was a hand rubbing his back. It was Nancy, he knew that without her even saying anything. Her cherry scented shampoo, although usually pleasant, made his stomach twist.

“‘M sorry,” TK whined as he took a moment to catch his breath before the nausea came back with a vengeance and he was once again emptying his guts.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t feel good.”

“No, I bet you don’t.” That was Tommy. She had a very soothing energy that would usually make him feel better but he was too preoccupied retching and only now noticing how much he was shaking.

“I’m-” TK drew in a trembling breath. “I’m fine.”

“Sure you are.”

“It’s just,” TK waved a hand in the vague direction of his head, “concussion.”

Tommy was running her hand through his hair now, like his mother always used to do when he was sick as a kid, it was a very comforting gesture. He was going to die with the secret that her comfort made him want to cry, ignoring the fact that he definitely already wanted to cry. “Yeah, I think you’re gonna need some more time off.”

“No.”

He could almost hear Nancy rolling her eyes. “Yeah, Bud, I don’t think you have a choice in the matter.”

“If this stays between us I don’t have to go back on medical leave.”

Nancy scoffed. “This can stay between us if you can stand up and walk back to the ambulance on your own.”

“That’s easy. I can do that.”

“Go for gold, kid,” Tommy said as she retracted her steadying hold on him. TK didn’t quite realise how little of a part he was playing in keeping himself upright until that moment.

Steeling himself with a deep breath and wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, TK rocked back onto his heels, ready to push himself onto his feet.

And careened backwards almost instantly, a head rush rolling over him.

TK would never be able to express his gratitude for Tommy and Nancy catching him in that moment. He leant heavily on Tommy as he closed his eyes willing everything to stop spinning. The earth wasn’t supposed to tilt like this.

Nancy gave TK a gentle pat on his back. “Yeah, you’re going back on medical leave.”

She was just met with a groan, TK couldn’t find the energy to argue, and he was almost certain that if he opened his mouth he’d be sick again.

“Do you want to ride in the gurney back to the station?” Tommy asked softly, brushing his sweaty hair away from where it clung to his forehead.

“Please, no,” he whimpered, resting his head fully on Tommy’s shoulder. He was never going to live this down.

“Hey, champ. Just sit tight and we’ll give you a hand.”

TK waved her off. “No- No, I’m good.”

Ignoring how much he fumbled, TK eventually managed to wrestle his way out of his seatbelt and opened the door. He ended up bracing himself almost entirely on the doorframe as he struggled to his feet and tried to step down.

His foot missed its purchase and he was falling for a moment or two, his brain didn’t even realise it was happening until Tommy and Nancy appeared seemingly out of nowhere to catch him.

“Easy there,” Tommy said as TK relinquished his part in holding himself up. His legs felt like the bones had been stripped from them at this point, he had no hope of bearing his own weight.

TK couldn’t help the whine he let out at the sound of Judd’s voice. “Whoa, what happened?”

“Can you guys help get him to the couch?” Tommy asked, dodging the question as she slung one of TK’s arms over her shoulders.

Judd’s arm looped around TK’s torso should have made him feel better and more supporter but he could only let out a pitiful groan as every slight shift made the room spin.

“Don’t worry, we gotcha.”

“I don’t,” TK grumbled as he let himself be dragged around until he was settled down onto something soft. He knew that it was a long enough walk from the ambulance bay to the common area or the bunk room for TK to know they had definitely gained the attention of most of the firehouse at this point.

“You’re looking very green, kid.”

As much as TK appreciated Judd’s concern and assistance getting to wherever he was currently situated - he couldn’t find the will to open his eyes to the bright lights of the station - but the signature deep Southern drawl was grating against his eardrums.

“He looked greener when he abandoned his guts in the middle of the street,” Nancy chimed. It was a very snarky statement but her words had no bite. TK imagined that this was probably how she had spoken to him on the night of the kidnapping when he was freshly concussed. He honestly couldn’t recall anything more than a few flashes from that night.

“He’s shakin’ like a leaf.”

“Yeah.” That was Paul’s voice now, coming from somewhere behind or to the side of TK. He wasn’t entirely sure anymore. “Shouldn’t he go to the hospital? This doesn’t look good at all.”

TK could almost see Tommy shrug. “If he doesn’t improve with some rest, or gets worse, there’s a ride to the ER with his name on it.”

“No,” TK groaned. “No hospitals.”

“Bud, I love ya, but this looks pretty bad.”

The voices were beginning to get harder to tell apart, everyone’s words blending together into one big indecipherable mess by the time they reached TK’s ears but he knew that was Judd.

TK stiffened as his stomach lurched. He opened his mouth to speak but a small trash can was swiftly shoved into his arms just in time for him to throw up yet again. He whimpered between heaves of what was just bile at this point, his insides cramping painfully.

“Carlos is on his way.”

Was everyone here? TK assumed his dad would be there considering he was puking his guts out on his first day back, but there were already too many other people seeing him in his current state. The idea of Carlos coming, however, made TK feel a lot better.

He’d probably feel bad about interrupting Carlos’ time with his family later but right now, all TK cared about was having Carlos next to him again.

He didn’t even realise he was crying until someone was wiping his tears away. It was that gesture that prompted TK to open his eyes. To near-complete darkness.

It only took him a few seconds to piece together that he was in the bunk room surrounded by his colleagues while he held onto a rubbish bin with a white-knuckle grip. As if on cue, he folded over the edge of the bin again and retched while someone continued rubbing his back.

The hand was definitely bigger than Tommy or Nancy’s, so maybe it was Judd? Or Paul? TK didn’t particularly care at this point. He was just glad that he wasn’t alone.

Every time he managed to lift his head for more than a minute at a time, Tommy was right there with a glass of water, trying to coerce him into drinking some of it.

“You need to drink something,” Tommy said firmly as she once again put the glass in his face.

Even the idea of drinking water made TK’s insides twist, he didn’t particularly feel like throwing up cold water anytime soon. “No thanks.”

“I wasn’t asking. You’re going to drink this water or you’re going to get an IV.”

“An IV sounds great.”

“Drink the water, TK.”

He didn’t have the energy to fight her so he slowly sipped the water while Tommy held the edge of the glass to his lips.

The feeling of cold water on his irritated throat was better than he’d ever admit, but he only got a few seconds of relief before he pushed the glass away and the water came back up.

“Yeah, this has ‘hospital’ written all over it,” Tommy said.

“No hospital,” TK groaned, trying to glare at Tommy through the tears gathered in his eyes. “Need Carlos.”

“I’m here.” There were hurried footsteps and a familiar presence slotting in next to TK as arms wrapped around him. TK could cry. He buried his face in Carlos’ shoulder while Carlos ran his hand between TK’s shoulder blades. “I’m here, baby.”

TK couldn’t help the fresh wave of tears that soaked into Carlos’ shirt. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. How are you feeling?”

“Bad. Awful. I left the thesaurus at home.”

“You’re doing great.”

“Sorry for ruining lunch,” TK mumbled into Carlos’ shoulder, his voice muffled by the fabric.

Carlos brought a hand up to play with TK’s hair at that. “Shh, no. You didn’t ruin anything. We’re all just very worried about you and want you to feel better.”

“I wanna feel better.”

“I know, baby.”

“Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for. Everyone understands,” Carlos said as he pressed a kiss to the top of TK’s head. “Are you going to let Tommy take you to the hospital now?”

TK just whined and clung tighter to Carlos. He didn’t want to let go.

“I’m not gonna leave. I’m going to be right next to you the entire time,” Carlos promised, pressing a few more soft kisses to TK’s hair.

“Is that my cue to get the gurney?”

TK wasn’t entirely sure who spoke but he just sighed and nodded into Carlos’ shirt.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” TK could only imagine the smile Carlos was giving, he could hear it in his boyfriend’s voice.

Being with Carlos brought him comfort and he was so exhausted from the toll this episode had taken on his body that he was content to just rest his entire weight against Carlos.

Carlos accepted his presence entirely. He ran his palm along TK’s spine in a comforting gesture. TK could almost fall asleep there if he didn’t feel so awful.

He had no idea how much time had elapsed by the time something changed. Everyone was pretty silent for the most part, aside from the occasional clicking of the door opening and closing as people came and went.

And then he felt the shift. Like a tectonic plate moving underfoot, the exhaustion morphed into a sensation he was all too familiar with.

Panic.

Something bad was about to happen.

TK rested his palm on his chest, right over where he could feel his heart racing as it got harder to draw in a deep breath. That wasn’t a usual symptom when his head was acting up. “Ooh, I feel weird.”

Carlos stiffened under him at that. “What do you mean?”

He looked over at where Marjan and Paul were pretending not to be looking over at him every few seconds, only to realise he couldn’t really see them all that clearly. “I kinda feel like I’m about to have a panic attack, but my vision is going weird. That doesn’t usually happen.

“Are you okay? Do I need to get Captain Vega?”

“I think-” TK’s sentence was cut off as he paused to take a breath, willing away the dizziness that had made a spectacular comeback. “I need to lie down.”

“Alright, okay,” Carlo said, helping to ease TK down until he was lying on his side and Carlos could run a hand through his hair. “Just hang tight and we’ll see what Captain Vega says, okay?” Carlos asked in a soft voice, running his hand through TK’s hair.

TK nodded, “Okay.”

As quickly as things had gotten weird, they got weirder. There was another wave of dizziness and a weird taste in his mouth as his body seemed to have a mind of its own. There were a couple involuntary jerks of his hands and legs, as much as TK tried to hold his limbs still it just seemed to get worse.

“Tommy!” Carlos called, his voice cracking.

“Go get Tommy,” someone said before there was another set of hands touching him and the sound of panicked footsteps moving further away. When they spoke again TK could identify the voice as being his father’s. “TK? TK, can you hear me?”

TK wanted to nod, to confirm that he could hear them, that he didn’t know what was happening.

He was scared.

TK could feel himself slipping as the jerking got worse. He wanted to tell Carlos not to worry but he wasn’t in control anymore. His jaw clenched firm as his head jolted back a few times. He was shaking now, like he’d been electrocuted, and Carlos was looking more and more scared with each passing second.

“Shit.” Tommy’s voice reached his ears ripe with alarm as TK felt even more hands on him. “He’s seizing!”

And TK slipped.

The darkness was only brief, in what seemed like just a few moments he was blinking up at Carlos again. As if he’d fallen asleep for a minute or two.

“Hey there,” Carlos said with a soft smile. Looking up at his boyfriend, TK could clearly see the tears gathered in Carlos’ wide, worried eyes.

“Hi,” TK breathed as he pieced together all he could remember. There was a gap between lying down and talking to Carlos and waking up in the same place that he wasn’t entirely sure of. It was a void. All he knew was that his head definitely hurt more now, but everyone aside from Tommy and Carlos had cleared the room. “What happened?”

“You had a seizure.” That was definitely Tommy speaking, even though TK couldn’t see her. She was somewhere out of his line of sight and he was too preoccupied with studying Carlos’ worried expression to look away. It definitely made a lot more sense now why Carlos downright terrified.

It also made sense why no one else was around. Tommy would have known that he didn’t want anyone gawking at him when he came to. “Thanks.”

“For?” Tommy asked.

“Sending everyone out.”

“Don’t worry about it. I figured you didn’t need anyone other than me or your boy right now.” Tommy gave TK’s thigh a pat before leaving his side. “I’m going to go see if Nancy’s got the gurney sorted, okay?”

TK just hummed as Tommy walked away. He didn’t particularly care much about what was going on, he just reached out for Carlos until he could curl his finger around his boyfriend’s wrist.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a soft voice, not failing to notice the way Carlos jumped a little.

“What do you mean?” Carlos’ eyebrows knit together in confusion as he visibly tried to decode those three words, as if he was going to come up with a reason he could understand for why TK would ask him that. “I’m fine. I should be asking you that.”

“You’re scared, I can tell.”

“Of course I’m scared. You don’t have to worry about me, though.”

“I’m still going to worry, I care about you.”

“Care about yourself for once. You just had a seizure!” Carlos’ voice cracked on the last word as he covered his mouth with his free hand. He was crying. TK couldn’t see it but he knew. He could feel the way Carlos trembled and hear how his breaths were rough and staggered as he tried to swallow his sobs.

“I know. But I’m gonna go to the hospital and they’re gonna fix me up, you don’t have to worry. I don’t even feel that bad anymore, I’m just really tired and my head hurts. I just wanna make sure you’re okay, ‘Los.”

He heard Carlos take another deep, steadying breath before a familiar hand found its way into his hair. “TK-” he started, voice moderately steadier than before, but he was interrupted by the arrival of TK’s team and the gurney.

“Up you go, Strand,” Tommy instructed lightly as Carlos shifted gears, pulling the hand out of his hair and instead reaching around to help him up.

“I don’t need help,” TK objected as he slowly eased himself to his feet, bracing his entire weight on Carlos as his boyfriend helped to lift him.

“Yeah, you do. It’s okay,” Tommy said as she grabbed his legs and moved them so that they were on the gurney with him. “No one is mad at you.”

“I never said that.”

Carlos pressed a careful kiss to TK’s temple before brushing a hand through his boyfriend’s sweaty hair as he placed the other on TK’s side. “You were thinking it.”

“I’m getting déjà vu,” TK groaned. This situation of his worried boyfriend hovering over him while his head was unbearably painful was beginning to be a recurring event in his life.

“I think they call that nausea and dehydration,” Carlos offered, a small smile curling up the corner of his lips.

TK closed his eyes and sighed. “I hate you.”

“Why? I’m lovely.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” TK mumbled as he tried to suppress a groan at the jostling motion the gurney made as he was loaded into the ambulance. Carlos was quick to follow him though, eagerly scooping up TK’s hand in his own.

"I'm dying," TK grumbled, his face buried in his pillow. He’d been trying to fall asleep for the past however many hours he’d been cooped up in the ER. But everything was too bright, too loud, and his head hurt so badly. Every squeak of sneakers or beep from his IV pump seemed to serve only to exacerbate his pain. He was even cooped up under a spare blanket and Carlos’ jacket as his sweat was just making him colder in the frigid hospital air.

TK could tell by Carlos’ silence that he was trying to suppress a laugh before he said anything. "You're not dying, babe."

"If I'm not dying, why does my head hurt so bad?"

"Because you're an idiot who doesn’t tell anyone when he’s struggling."

TK just groaned in response. "I don't think this level of pain should be legal."

"Unfortunately, I don't think I can arrest your brain."

"Then what's the point of having a cop boyfriend?”

“I’m not sure. Personally, I choose to date endearing idiots who are determined to give me grey hair.”

TK just huffed and shot his boyfriend a glare. “You suck.”

“I know.”

Their banter dissolved into silence. TK knew Carlos was trying to stay as quiet as possible, that any sound would aggravate TK’s pain, and he was grateful for that.

"My head hurts," TK whimpered, reaching out clumsily until his fingers connected with Carlos' arm. His grip wasn't firm, but he pulled Carlos closer anyways, as if his boyfriend wasn't mere inches away at most times and always eager to be closer.

Carlos ran his fingers through TK's hair, carefully so as to not jostle his head. "I know sweetheart, I'm sorry."

In a flash, the nausea came rolling back with a vengeance and TK only had a few seconds to prop himself up on his elbows.

Carlos was quick to shove an emesis bag under TK’s face as he shuddered under the force of his body dry heaving until he had to taste his own bile for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

When TK finally rolled back onto the bed, panting from the toll the day had taken on his body, Carlos gagged. “That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“Give me a break.” TK grumbled, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm. He was exhausted and he just wanted everything to be over. “I’m in the hospital.”

“This chain of events was entirely your fault, you don’t get pity.”

“I deserve pity.”

“Maybe you do.”

“I want to take a shower, I’m all sweaty and gross.”

“You can when we get home.” Carlos said, taking TK’s hand in his own, careful not to mess with the IV as he pressed a few short kisses to TK’s knuckles. “Unfortunately that’s going to be a little while away. They’re probably going to want to do a bunch of scans.”

TK groaned, rolling towards Carlos until his face was buried in the thin hospital pillow. “I hate scans.”

“I know, baby.” Carlos tapped his fingers on the railing of the bed a few times before he spoke again. “You know they’re necessary though.”

“I don’t care. They suck.”

“Just try and get some sleep, okay? I’ll wake you up when the doctor gets here.”

TK went to nod but thought better of it. Instead he sighed and sank further into the pillow, “I’m sorry.”

Though TK couldn’t see him he could practically hear the frown in Carlos’s voice. “Sorry?” he asked, “For what?”

“For worrying you,” TK started, “for not being able to make it through a day at work. For not being able to do anything. For being useless.”

“Hey,” Carlos responded firmly, “You are not useless. You are hurt and still recovering. None of this is your fault TK, none of it.”

“Still,” TK pressed on, “you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“And niether should you, but here we are. We’re in this together babe, no matter what.”

TK lifted his head off of the pillow to look at Carlos who was giving him a soft smile. He looked so hopeful TK could hardly stand it, but he appreciated it all the same. “I think I love you,” he said wearily before plopping his head back into the pillow, the sounds of Carlos’s fond chuckle chasing him.

“Well I know I love you,” Carlos assured him, rubbing a comforting hand down his back. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

The resident tapped the end of his pen on his clipboard before looking back up at TK. "This could just be post-concussion syndrome but I'm going to page your neurologist given your medical history to see how she thinks your treatment should go."

Carlos looked confused as he turned to the doctor. "What would his medical history have to do with it?"

TK sighed. He’d had this conversation with his neurologist a month ago. The risk of this concussion exacerbating any symptoms from previous injuries that could have had an affect on his brain. "Overdoses. Getting shot. They're worried about permanent brain damage."

“That sounds serious. Why haven’t you brought that up before?”

TK shrugged. “I thought we’d cross that bridge if and when we got to it. No use worrying you about something that no one can control.”

“I’m going to order a CT scan and see whether or not your neurologist wants more tests when she gets here,” the doctor explained before heading back into the main body of the ER.

One CT scan became an MRI, and many more tests and scans. After many hours it was determined that no, TK’s condition hadn’t worsened. It just hadn’t gotten better.

His neurologist had determined that it was likely post-concussion syndrome and discharged him with a few referrals and a prescription for a bunch of new medication that would hopefully ease his symptoms.

Carlos offered him a soft and reassuring smile as he pulled a hoodie over TK’s head.

TK didn’t even bother to put his arms in the sleeves as he gave Carlos a pout. “I want to go home.”

TK was used to Carlos’ sixth sense at this point. He should have expected that Carlos would hear him sniffle from all the way downstairs and race up to check on him.

Before TK could even get his thoughts in order, his face was sandwiched between Carlos’ hands as thumbs wiped the tears from his cheeks. He loved Carlos’ eyes, he loved getting lost in their depth, but he didn’t love the way they only ever seemed to look at him with worry nowadays.

“What’s wrong? What hurts?” Carlos asked in a soft voice. He was worried. He always was.

TK closed his eyes and let a few more tears slip free as he drew in a shaky breath. “My head.”

“Get back in bed, sweetheart.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what, TK?”

“This,” TK said, gesturing towards his head. “It’s been five months and it’s not getting any better. I’m sick of being in pain all the time, I’m sick of not being able to work, I’m sick of being a burden on you.”

“Hey,” Carlos breathed, tilting TK’s head up so they were looking at each other. “You’re not a burden. You’re never a burden.”

“I keep making you cancel plans to take care of me. We don’t do anything anymore, you just look at me like I’m going to fall apart if there’s a loud noise or if i go from a dark room into a bright one. Just because my life is ruined, it doesn’t mean that yours has to be too.”

“I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like this, but I promise you that I’m never going to want to be anywhere as much as I always want to be by your side. I love you, TK. I don’t care how long this recovery process takes, I’m not going to love you any less.”

“Maybe you should.”

“Never,” Carlos said firmly. “I’m always going to be here to love you. I’m gonna go downstairs and bring up your meds and something to eat, then we can spend the day in bed and try the date tomorrow if you’re up to it.”

TK nodded. “Tomorrow.”

Carlos pressed a kiss to TK’s temple before disappearing back downstairs.

When he returned, Carlos handed TK a handful of assorted pills and a smoothie before sliding under the covers and wrapping his arm around TK’s waist.

“You know I love you, right?”

“I know.”

“You mean the world to me and I’ll never let you forget that.”

#bad things happen bingo #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #writing*#userjillian #userkimmy #tuserpaige #tuserjamie #userjillybean #uservickytoria #userac

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darthkruge · 3 years

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heyy Megan, I'm trying to do a character study on Anakin but im finding very limited information online. what do you think are some of his worst and best traits? his personality, humor and like his values? thank you so much,, hope you have a good day/night

omg hi!! thank you for asking me!!

*cracks knuckles* let’s get into it

anakin skywalker character analysis

best traits:

intelligence, overall skill, curiosity

anakin was building droids from scraps when he was a child. he spoke huttese and basic from a young age, as well. he’s an insane battle strategist, wonderfully skilled in battle/with a lightsaber, and incredible pilot! he can pick up new skills quickly, as well. i’m just gonna link this post by @chokemeanakin bc it just sums it up real nice.. but yes smart boy love him

compassion, capacity for emotions, empathy, understanding

anakin feels things deeply. i’ve talked about this a lot before lol. but yeah he is frequently in conflict over the sheer weight of the emotions he carries. further, as a jedi, this is not something his peers could relate to. but he always tries to be there for his friends and would do anything to ease their pain. and i think that anakin seeks to understand others. he’s spent so much of his life feeling alone and like no one related to him; he wants to know how other people work, feel, and think.

loyalty, friendship, caring

anakin is so fucking loyal to those he loves. and, tying into my previous point, he loves deeply. he cares, he always has. he treats droids as humans and forms attachments, even though they may be forbidden. he held onto that need for love, for connection even after he joined the order. and he would defend those he loves til the very end...

selflessness, protectiveness, bravery

anakin would literally dive headfirst into danger to save someone he loves. he doesn’t care about hurting himself or honestly whatever happens to him, as long as those he cares for are safe.

worst traits:

impulsivity, recklessness

i think we’ve all seen anakin be a bit impulsive at times... sometimes, he just doesn’t think everything through. this is especially clear when someone he loves is in danger. anakin’s lost so many people that when he’s faced with the threat of losing another, his judgment can become clouded.

insecurity, jealousy, fear

anakin is frequently jealous, which stems from his insecurities. he was probably conflicted a lot; brought into the order as a young child and told he was the chosen one. the weight of the galaxy was placed on his shoulders and, yet, he was held back in classes as a padawan, he didn’t make rank (canonically). i think these things are what allowed palpatine to manipulate him; palpatine knew anakin was afraid, insecure, and, yet, arrogant (my next point dw). he tapped into this and because anakin and the council did not have much mutual trust (aside from like obi-wan), it was easier to get to him. especially because palpatine used anakin’s fear of losing padme and his unborn children to do so. fuck palpatine bro-

arrogance

yes, anakin was insecure. yes, he was also arrogant. let me explain myself. he occassionally rushes into things without thinking, thinking he can handle them. i think a lot of this stems from being told he was the chosen one from such a young age. that title combined with his skill?! it makes sense he’d internalize it. i am now going to stop myself before i rant about how the gifted education system is a fuckfest. this is coming from someone who spent years in that program. anyway-

personality/overall rant about his life/motivations:

i think i summed up a lot of his personality within the best and worst traits because i got ahead of myself but im going to say some more!! i think a lot of anakin’s personality is dependent on his deep capacity for emotions. you can see that throughout ROTS, he was conflicted almost all the time. he grew up as a slave and all he wanted was to protect his mother. he built droids to help her and competed in podraces to tryand get them anything that could help.

then, he was taken to the order. suddenly, all these amazing traits he has make sense!! but then the person who’s supposed to train him (qui-gon) dies after anakin’s only known him for a short period of time. anakin’s attachment issues are abundant (i don’t think i need to explain that one) so of course he grows close to obi-wan! but obi-wan was trying to be strong for anakin. even though obi-wan struggled himself with attachment, he tried to be strong and put up a front as a “good” jedi for anakin to look up to. while this was helpful, anakin probably just felt more conflicted, as no one in his life could relate to the bredth of emotions he felt. this caused him to be more introverted and withdrawn (i talk about that in this post)

then, he loses his mother, she dies in his arms. the only person he’d wanted to protect from a young age, who he left to join the jedi, dies in his arms. he blames himself for this, thinking he should have gotten there faster, should have done something more. he probably also blamed the jedi, to at least some extent. why do these powers matter if they can’t save the people he loves? i believe he acted out of anger, killing the tuskens, because (at least to some degree) of the jedi. instead of teaching him how to express his emotions (pain, fear, loss, grief, etc.), they train him. to some degree, he might think all he’s good for is these skills. so he acts out of anger, slaughtering them.

and then finally he finds someone who loves him in the way he wants to be loved. padme stays by his side, even after he killed the tuskens. she sees the good in him and treats him as a man, not a prophecy. but once again, this motif of fear remains! he has to hide this love, one of the only pure and good things in his life! he has to live in fear every second of every day because, if the council finds out that he found happiness and love, everything is ruined.

but then he starts getting the vision’s that padme will die. and not just padme, now his unborn children could die, too. the one thing he has that is good and purely his could now be ripped away. he knew he was helpless, knew there was nothing he could do to stop it by himself. the council isn’t that helpful, telling him to learn to let it go with the force. while that might help any other jedi, it just pushed anakin away. he would never be able to just surrender and let go to the force, not when the life of his entire family is at risk!

and he finds palpatine, someonoe who has spent years trying to manipulate him. but palpatine is smart, he’s cunning. anakin didn’t know what the real intentions were and, truly, he probably didn’t want to know. he was blinded by his fear and if anything could save padme, he would do it. then the council try to get him to spy on palpatine. again, conflict. anakin’s loyalty is repeatedly questioned and pushed and prodded, he was probably so confused! he didn’t know who to trust. but, when you combine the current situation with his backstory with who he is and what he cares about, it makes sense why it all happened.

this is what i mean when i say conflict. he was pulled in a million directions constantly. and we all know how his story ends and i don’t want to cry so i’m not gonna detail it...

also: i’m not saying any of this excuses all of his choices, but it does explain them.

humor:

lowkey a dork

he is. and i love that about him. you can see this in the way he flirts with padme sometimes... like floating the pear to her and the whole “i don’t like sand” thing. he’s a fucking dork. can’t exactly blame him nor do i hold it against him! he didn’t have many close friends growing up and he was like pining for padme for years so it’s not like he spent that time creating a playbook

he’s also witty!

i think this comes with his intelligence; he’s witty and he’s quick. example: “general grievous, you’re shorter than i expected.” i mean he’s no sass-king obi-wan kenobi but anakin definitely can hold his own in a verbal sparring match!

also i headcanon him as having horrible puns but loving them!

values:

love, friendship, connections

at his core, anakin just wants to find someone who understands him and his emotions. who can relate to him. he wants those connections; in fact, he actively seeks them out. love is a key part of his identity. i talk about this in this post about his love languages so imma just link it there!

success, validation

tying into his determination, anakin wants to do well! he pushes himself and i think he’s a perfectionist, too. you can see this in the way he holds himself as a general; he doesn’t slack off, doesn’t not care. he understands the responsibility he has in that role and he takes it seriously! and just in his overall skill level, even though he was a bit of a child-prodigy, he clearly spent a long time training. he probably also had some imposter syndrome going on and was constantly trying to prove his worth.

----

uhh yeah i think i got everything?? yes?? he’s so complex and i legit love him immensely. doing character analysis for anakin is my favorite thing in the entire universe! if anyone has anything they want to add, please feel free!!

#anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker character analysis #anakin character analysis #this is a rant i apologize #anakin thoughts #character analysis

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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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Melancholy (A Leviathan x GN MC Fanfic)

I guess you could say I use a lot of personal experience when I write. If I get sad, I’ll write something sad. Lock me in my room and I’ll probably write something about my lamp. I hope you can at least get something out of my occasional literary catharsis. Also, communication is important. Always ask for help if you need to, there’s never any shame in doing so.

Warning: Themes of Depression, Angst

Melancholy: A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.

Levi could barely manage his own mood sometimes, so never once did he think that he’d end up having to help someone else with their own. Under normal circumstances, he’d never considered getting involved. All his brothers knew that he was probably the least equipped to deal with their problems, physical or emotional. If they were concerned about completing a boss level or what anime to watch next, he had them covered, but sadness…? That was an Asmo problem or maybe a Beel. Don’t come to him.

But for the MC it was different… They seemed to gravitate to him since the day they first met, even though he tried to push them away. They liked him. They laughed at his dorky jokes and listened to his endless rambling. They would stay up late with him to play the latest game he just got or sit through his six-millionth re-watch of TSL with a smile on their face. He couldn’t quite place when it started to happen, but he felt himself getting slowly more attached to this peculiar human… He gradually started opening his world to them, and they didn’t seem to mind being a part of it. They were at ease with him and all his little eccentricities... It was a feeling of acceptance that he had always craved but was too afraid to seek. He wanted to be with them, hell, he probably even loved them.

So it hurt him in a special way to see them so sad… He couldn’t place why but some days, he’d just notice things were off about them. They wouldn’t laugh as much at his jokes or smile quite as wide when he launched into another one of his rants. He could see them trying. The corners of their mouth would raise briefly, but then drop like they were weighted by cement. Their eyes wouldn’t sparkle like they used to, they’d just stay flat, static… muted. Like something about them had decided to withdraw from the world, hiding away in a place he just couldn’t quite get to… He’d ask them what was wrong, but they never had a good answer for him. Most of the time, they wouldn’t even admit there was a problem. They’d put on that fragile smile and say everything was alright… Did they think he was blind? Sure, Levi knew he wasn’t the most well-versed in people’s emotions, but even he could point to sadness when he saw it. Especially in someone that he cared about so much…

In truth, he had been paying close attention to them for months now. With the same level of detail as he would his favorite character in a show or a voice actor who’s work he admired. He knew things about them that they may not have known about themselves… Their favorite foods and colors, how they stood and how they walked, the little habits they hung onto from the human world, and all the faces they’d make when no one else is watching... He knew it all as well as he knew any game he’s ever played, and why wouldn’t he? He was their biggest fan.

He tried using all that knowledge to cheer them up. As far as he was concerned, getting them to feel better was his new mission objective. Even his brothers took notice of his dedication to it. More deliveries started showing up at the House filled with very… not-Levi things for once. At one point, he had a rather irritated Lucifer knocking on his door to ask why there were twenty pounds worth flowers all piled in the entryway. He explained it away as him hitting the wrong option on accident, but in all honesty, it was because he ordered them flowers but just couldn’t decide which color or style would have been the best for a bouquet... So he bought them all.

They would always accept his gifts, and he could tell they liked them, but it never seemed to fix the problem... No matter what he bought them, there would still be those days where they looked just too forlorn to smile… It made his heart ache, and he wished that he could be good with people like Asmo or just put people at ease like Beel… Even Mammon was better at getting people to smile than he was… He wanted to help so badly, but every time he built up the courage to ask them about it, they’d never tell him what the problem was…

Slowly, he began to worry if it was him, like maybe he had done something wrong one day… That had to be it right…? He was a shut-in, he’s never really had to deal with people before… The fear, guilt, and frustration gradually ate at his mind for weeks while he scoured his memories for every little mistake he could have made... Did he miss an important date? Had he forgotten to call them back for something? Did he ignore them by accident one day? With every anxious thought, there was a pressure building inside him… He was growing convinced that MC was upset because of something he had done, but he didn’t want them to leave… not after he’d finally felt so understood. It was only a matter of time before his racing thoughts slipped over…

When they knocked on his door that day, he knew they weren’t in the best mood before they even walked in. Their hand hit his door softer than usual, tentative with a longer pause between strikes. He had half a mind to tell them that he was too busy to hang out that day, having to look at their woeful expression just hurt him that much... But he knew he couldn’t refuse them even if he wanted to. His lovesick heart could never turn them away…

His suspicions were proved true when they stepped in to say hello. They had that same weak smile… the dullness of their eyes almost refusing to reflect the cool, blue glow of his aquarium wall. What did they want from him…? Were they trying to rub something in? He was to busy digging through his mind for their motives to notice that they had crossed the room to stand next to his computer chair. At least not until they gently tapped his shoulder. The concerned look in their eye was enough to stop his heart, he would have leapt from his chair had they not been blocking the way.

“Levi…? Are you okay? I said hello…” There they were, clearly drowning in their own sorrow, yet they were still concerned for him of all people? The guy who couldn’t even make them smile...? His brain short-circuited for a moment, and his next words flew out without his say-so.

“I’m s-sorry!!” He watched them pause before their brow furrowed in confusion, probably because he had just shouted in their face... He suddenly wished he could shrink down and hide in Henry’s fishbowl… This is why he doesn’t deal with people...

“Sorry…? About what…?” His eyes flicked frantically around the room while he tried to form some kind of exit strategy, but there wasn’t much he could do. There really was no turning back now, was there…? He was finally going to have to say something… Demons don’t pray, but he could feel himself begging for someone, anyone, to make this go well…

“A-about well… You’ve been sad a lot lately and I uh… I know I didn’t remember to get you that limited edition Hinata figurine from the last convention we went to… Or that you had a test to study for a few weeks ago when I tried to get you to play Devil’s Haven with me… I also didn’t notice your last haircut until an hour after I saw you and I accidentally ate your pudding cup from Madame Scream’s and blamed it on Beel-”

“Levi…”

“-I know I should have gotten the red camellias instead of the pink on that last batch of flowers. I saw the balance was off-”

“Levi.”

“-but I thought it’d be okay. Oh, and I’m sorry I hit you with that body pillow last week! I was aiming for Mammon, I sw-”

“Leviathan!” They had to put their finger over his mouth to keep him from rambling on. His face flushed almost immediately, in part due to embarrassment but also because of their proximity. The MC’s face had softened considerably, but he could still see the lingering sadness over their features… Had he not said enough…?

“You… You actually think that it’s your fault that I’m like this…?” They took their finger back and looked at him expectantly. Levi swallowed a growing lump in his throat and nodded hesitantly. He didn’t trust himself not to launch into another self-conscious tirade if he tried opening his mouth again… It felt like a stab to the chest when he saw their expression dip farther into despair.

“It’s not your fault, Levi… I just…” They drew in a deep breath and let it out as a sullen sigh, avoiding his eyes. “I just get sad sometimes… It’s a passing mood swing. I can’t really control it, and it doesn’t always have a reason… You’ve actually been helping me, though.” Levi’s amber-toned eyes widened like saucers, he could barely believe his ears. Was this a dream, or had they just told him that he actually helped them with something…?

“I have…??” The dumbstruck look on his face must have been pretty amusing because they actually graced him with their smile, full and authentic with no hidden melancholy.

“Yes, you dork! You have.” The light from his aquarium finally touched their eyes, dancing in amongst the natural sparkle that always accompanied their gaze. “That’s why I always keep coming here… Your jokes, your gifts… just how excited you get when you see something you love… it... It all helps. It really does…” A pang of guilt seemed to hit them as they turned away from him again, shrinking back from his presence.

“I’m so sorry I never said anything to you… I must have been showing up at your door sadder and sadder each time… No wonder you thought you were behind it…” They averted his stunned gaze by watching the jellyfish float behind his wall. “You must have felt awful… I hope you can forgive me…” The genuine remorse in their voice sent his mind into an anxious panic. He wanted, no, needed to do something now. He just couldn’t bear one more minute of their sadness…

“N-no it’s fine!” They turned back toward him in shock when his hands grasped at the hem of their shirt, his sitting form straining to try and coax their standing one closer. He just didn’t want them to pull away again… “I’m not mad or anything, I just… wish you would talk to me, you know? I want to help…”

They were silent for a few moments, eyeing him with mixed emotions and darkened cheeks, but soon let him pull them in. He rested his head on their stomach while his arms glued to their waist. It may not have been the most conventional position, but it was one where they were close, so frankly, Levi could care less. He felt them settle into it slowly, resting an arm around his shoulders while their fingers combed softly through his hair. The feeling almost made him shiver, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood.

After several long minutes locked in tranquility, he found that he just had to ask…

“MC… Is this helping…?” His heart skipped a beat when he finally heard their laugh once more, soft and charming as it always was…

“Yes, Levi… You always do…”

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