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hellodropbear · 3 days

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like she used to (IV)

alexia putellas x sister chapter I, II, III

sorry this took longer! have been very busy with work and uni for the past few days :)

~~~~~~

Aitana has been suspicious of something all week. I feel her eyes on me during training, when we're in the locker room, as she drives me home and as I walk up to my front door.

But she doesn't say anything and I am grateful. Because if she did say something, I don't think I would be able to answer without telling her every single thing on my mind.

Nobody wants that. Not me, not Aitana. Probably not Alexia either.

So instead, I sit in the midfielder's car quietly, only speaking when she prompts me to, although even that has slowed down over the past few days. She was confused the first time I told her I didn't want to stop for ice cream, and I was grateful that she didn't ask again.

"you're sure? You've never refused ice cream before, lena!"

All I could do was shake my head, keeping my eyes focused on the road ahead.

I get home and I go straight to my room which is easy enough, considering Mami comes home from work late. I am supposed to be going to school, but Aitana doesn't know that and Mami doesn't know any different. She thinks I am there, and as long as I pick up the phone to my personal tutor in the evening, the school won't bother contacting my mother.

I shouldn't be skipping school, but I can't face going there and being asked all those questions about how great it is to be training in the first team, to finally have broken through into a squad that I would hopefully play with for most of my career.

But it isn't great, not really. My life has become a game of hide and seek, escaping rooms that my sister enters, too afraid to even face her.

I am not scared of her, more of what she will say. I am barely coping as it is and anything she says will just make it worse. It is best to just leave her alone, keep my distance.

And I think she thinks the same. She said she was going to take a step back, after all.

Not that is has been any different from before she took that step back. Her back was already against the wall, on the other side of the room from me. Any further and she would leave my life completely which does not seem possible, considering we play for the same club.

But I wish she wasn't so far away, I wish that I could just reach out and grab her attention, for her to know that I needed help without even having to ask.

And it hurts me, more than I'd like to admit, that her friends know exactly how to make me feel better, to make me feel valued, worthy. But she is just there, like a fly on the wall, always watching but never doing anything.

Even the more clueless ones have started to realise that things are not perfect between me and Alexia. We are never in the same room together, I leave training with Aitana every day. It is obvious, we all know it.

So they don't push us together. They don't talk about Alexia to me and they don't ask why we don't drive home together, why she isn't the first person to give me a hug if I score in training.

They don't want me to be compared to her any more than I already have been.

Because on top of all the personal issues, there is a lot of pressure, being her sister.

'Will Elena Putellas follow in her sister's footsteps?'

'The younger Putellas - set to be better than Alexia Putellas, but still hasn't come off the Barcelona bench.'

I've seen the articles, of course I have. Nobody ever mentions it though, nobody mentions the pressure I am under, the pressure I feel to live up to the expectations.

Of course I will not score as many goals as her, of course I will not make a debut at the end of the match like a midfielder often does. It is a lot harder for a centre back to come on as a last minute sub. It is harder for a centre back to score so many goals.

There are feasible reasons why they are saying these things, but none of the news sites think to explore those reasons, exclusively focusing on the negatives.

I don't bring it up because I think that if I mention something even slightly about my emotions, every single thing I feel will all come rushing out, a tsunami wave that will destroy everything I have worked towards.

I have to be strong; I can't let a little bit of pressure overcome me. Alexia had pressure, and she was never swallowed by it.

Alexia was not weak. I can not be weak.

But it feels like the tide has been pulled back, brewing in the deep dark depths of the ocean, preparing to build and build and build until it all becomes too much, until it is here, a huge wave ready to swallow me. Too late to escape, too late to stop it.

But quelling the wave does not seem like something I can do.

The only thing I can do about it is play my piano.

It is thing I am most grateful for, my piano that brings me closer to my father, the one thing I have that nobody else does.

I may not have his memories, but I don't think any memories could match the connection I feel, just sitting on his stool, my fingers dancing on the keys that his hands once graced, the keys that we used to play together.

It was the one thing that we shared, just the two of us. Something that neither of my sisters or my Mami could understand. All they know is to leave me be when I am playing the piano. I don't want to be interrupted and they don't want to face the wrath of my anger if I am stopped before I am finished.

Because it is the only way I can express my emotions and the emotions do not stop coming until the song is finished, until there is a puddle of tears in my lap, fed by the streams that track down my cheeks.

So they leave me be. I want them to leave me with my emotions when I play the piano. But they also leave me with my emotions when I sit in the lounge room, staring at a blank tv screen, staring out the window at just about nothing in particular. I wish they would realise that I don't always want to be left with my emotions.

I wish they could notice that something may be wrong, something more than just the loss of my sister.

Because it feels like more than that. I have never felt so lost in my life.

There is just so much going through my mind at any one time and I can't let it out because once I start I will not be able to stop until my walls have burst and I am nothing but an empty shell of who I was before.

Everything I once was is gone.

Replaced by confusion, hurt, sadness.

And I don't know why, because Alexia isn't all of me, football isn't all of me.

I know it shouldn't be but it feels like it is and even though Alba is right there as well, and Mami and my friends from La Masia, all I can think of is the fact that my older sister doesn't want to be my older sister any more.

And I can't stop thinking about what it could be like, if it was still what it used to be.

~~~~~~

I spend another two weeks wallowing in my confusingly overwhelming emotions before Mapi decides to intervene, intercepting me as I walk towards Aitana after training once again.

"No, you are coming with me today, pequena!"

I didn't even realise Mapi was here, her rehab finishes at the same time as Alexia, an hour before training ends.

She beams and throws her arm over my shoulder, ignoring my disgruntled expression.

"I will see you tomorrow, ABC." I murmer softly, but both Spaniards can hear it.

They both think I am too short to see the concerned look they throw at each other, but I notice it. I notice everything.

Mapi guides me out of the facilities and into her car and I can feel her concern grow as she inspects me from the drivers seat.

"You are not ok, Elena."

Her words are soft but understanding. It surprises me how she could just pick it up like that, I thought it was less obvious.

I thought it was less obvious because nobody has brought it up to me before.

I shake my head, not trusting myself to say anything without crying, although at this point it feels inevitable.

"That's ok. It's ok to not be ok, you know?"

I nod and she continues.

"When you came over the other week, I told you to talk to someone, but I don't think you have, have you?"

I continue my vow of silence by shaking my head, my eyes concentrated on how my hands shake and fidget in my lap.

I am too concentrated on my hands to realise that my eyes have filled with tears, to realise that the first one has slipped out. I only notice when the fat tear lands with a splat on my thumb and I stare at it, my mind full of confusion and unfamiliarity.

I don't understand how I feel, because I feel sad, and angry. They are normal emotions, ones that I have always felt, just usually in a less aggressive and persistent way.

But I feel so... lost, isolated. I feel alone and that is something I am not familiar with, not at all. Usually, I would talk to Alexia about my anger and sadness, but this has been going on for so long, slowly chipping away at my self-confidence, at my happiness. Now all I can feel is the loss of someone. Someone so important.

I may be dramatic, but how else would I describe it? She decided she was too busy and threw me away, a piece of rubbish. How am I supposed to cope with the fact that it's all I am to Alexia?

We used to be so strong as a family, we were always there for each other, nobody left behind. But I can't help but feel like I have been, just a bit.

Mami and Alba love me, Mami and Alba are proud of me. But Mami gets home after I go to bed and Alba has her own life, her own friends. She doesn't need to be pulled back by her little sister who has lost the ability to deal with her own emotions.

It would not be fair for me to pile my problems with Alexia onto Alba. It would not be fair to make her pick a side.

Alexia could be the person that helps me. We have similar schedules, interests, personalities. She knew me like the back of her hand and I knew her equally as well. But I don't think I have ever felt so disconnected from her.

Mapi snaps me out of my daydreaming when she speaks again.

"It is not healthy to keep everything inside of you, pequena, so we are going to the beach and we are talking. I am going to force it out of you because I miss my bright little best friend."

She reaches over and wipes the tears from my eyes, awkwardly pulling me into a hug.

"Everything is going to be ok. You are going to be ok, Elena Putellas, because you have me."

I nod, leaning back into my chair and using my palms to wipe my eyes as Mapi turns the car on and begins to drive out of the carpark.

"Thank you, Mapi." It is a whisper, but she hears me loud and clear, offering me a watery smile before focusing her attention right back onto the road ahead.

The car is quiet as we drive to the beach, Mapi just humming along to her song.

Mapi has always been a big talker. She always says she finds silences uncomfortable and sometimes even slightly overwhelming, so she talks. She talks and talks at a speed that makes it practically impossible to register what she is saying, and the inability to comprehend her spoken thoughts is only heightened by the way she jumps from topic to topic, her voice only increasing in speed and excitement as she gets more and more carried away.

But she is Mapi, and Mapi always talks, so I got used to it, finding her chattiness endearing, she was fun, always happy.

Which is why it is so meaningful when she isn't speaking, like she knows that her words are fruitless and likely not particularly tasteful - they won't be received well.

She is silent as we walk down to the beach and as she lays her rug and pillows out, sitting down and motioning for me to sit down next to her.

She is quiet for a few moments, like she is debating within herself on what she should say and when she should say it, captivated by the way he waves crash onto the sand cyclically, the beaming rays of sun showering the crystal water, the first indicators of the imminent sunset.

When she speaks, it is slow and it is quiet. Her words hug me in a way that has been missed for so long, and I immediately soften; she would have noticed my shoulders relaxing underneath her arm.

"I remember when I first met you." Her eyes are closed and a soft smile rests on her face. "It was before I even joined Barcelona, at my third camp with Spain. I had heard about you before, from Alexia, I knew so much about you from how much she would gush about everything you did every time I spoke to her. In person, over text, she was obsessed with you and sometimes I didn't understand why it seemed like all she spoke about was her little 5 year old sister."

She chuckles, but I stay silent, still staring out at the ocean.

"But then I met you and I immediately understood why she wouldn't stop talking about you. You radiated this happiness, like a little sunbeam. Alexia got you from the barricade after a match, it was only my second ever appearance, but Alexia brought you right over to me and introduced us. You grabbed onto my leg and held it, almost yelling about how cool it was that there was another player to meet."

I smile. I have never heard this story before.

"And then the next time, you recognised me and I was so surprised, so happy. But you were also happy, Elena, you always were smiling, laughing. You would hang from your sisters shoulders and whack her on the back, swinging around in her arms and laughing so loudly that we could hear you from the other side of the pitch. You were always like that, every time I saw you. I found myself looking forward to spain camps even more, because I got to see little Elena Putellas with her big smile and cheeky personality. But recently, I think you have lost a bit of your spark because you do not seem as happy. You seem miserable, lena, and I want to help you find that spark again because I promise, it is not gone forever. It has just been buried so deep by all these emotions that are so big and overwhelming and you can't even find who you are anymore."

Her words strike a cord, and I find that my eyes fill with tears once more, but I do everything I do to hold them back as I speak. There is a long moment of silence as we both look out at the waves before I break it with a quiet inhalation.

"I am so scared, Mapi." My voice breaks but I continue anyway. "I don't know who I am anymore and it is so scary. I don't know what happened or where I went but one day I woke up and I was just a miserable shell of the person I was and I don't know what to do."

She is quick to pull me into a hug as the tears start falling because we both know that once I let out the first cry, I will not be able to stop. Her soft hands through my hair and calm words that flow through the small space we occupy will do nothing to calm the turmoil I am feeling on the inside.

Thinking about it only makes it worse, like I am shaking everything up so it rises to the surface instead of letting it lay undisturbed deep inside of me.

But Mapi's words were like stepping into a turbulent plane, shaking uncontrollably, fear falling over me and triggering emotions that I didn't even realise I had inside of me. The dirt hazes up the water until everything is a big whirlwind of confusion. Emotions moving around to quickly to capture them and try to understand them.

The things I want caught up in the whirlwind of unwelcome mess, the whirlwind that I can't seem to get myself out of.

The injured centre back whispers calm words of affirmation into my ear for a while, her hand stroking up and down my back. It keeps me down to earth, does not let me fall into the trap of a million emotions.

"We will find who you are again, Elena. I will always be here to help you. I am right here."

I want to tell her that I want my sisters to be there to help me. I want Alexia to come back and I want Alba to realise that there is something wrong. But neither of them were there like Mapi is. Alba has tried to be there for me, but she doesn't get it because I don't know what to say.

But all I do is cry in her arms. The sobs soften into quiet whimpers as the sun sets, casting a yellow glow over the beach, but we stay there even as the air becomes cooler and the sky becomes darker.

Mapi decides that I will not be going home that night, not trusting me to take proper care of herself and instead taking me back to her apartment again.

Ingrid is there this time, and she looks at her girlfriend with concern when we walk in, immediately noticing my red face and puffy eyes.

"Hey, Elena." She smiled at me, but I was preoccupied by the little black cat that had begun to circle my legs.

"We had a chat on the beach and decided that because her Mami isn't home, she would stay here the night again."

I picked up Bagheera, tickling under her chin as I sat down on the sofa, trying to ignore the wary glances that were being sent in my direction by the Spaniard and Norwegian.

"I don't know what to do."

Mapi's words were hushed, and by the way she immediately spoke more quietly when she saw my head whip towards them, it is clear that they were not for my ears.

But as I fiddle with Bagheera's fur, I dissect her words. More than I should and definitely more than she wants me to.

She doesn't know what to do with me. She doesn't know how to help, how to fix what has been broken.

She doesn't know whether she should talk to Alexia because it would break my trust. Because telling Alexia could just make it all so much worse.

I think I have been holding onto hope that she really is that clueless and is trying to do what she thinks is best for me. I try to hope that is the reason this has all happened, and not because she simply has forgotten about me, or because she doesn't want to be responsible for me any more.

But honestly, I think it is a mix of all of that. And I think it has evolved from guilt, not watching my games, wanting to avoid the awkward conversations that could have arisen if she had apologised to me.

I wish she knew that an apology would make all the difference. A sincere one, from her heart.

Unprovoked. Just her, being truly apologetic.

Because as humiliating as it is, I would do anything to be back in her arms. I would do anything to have my older sister back, I wish that she would just do something that would make this all go away, to pick up the pieces of my shattered insides and stitch them back together. Eventually, the stitches would dissolve, I would forget all about them and I would be able to function normally again.

But Alexia is not a surgeon, and she would not be able to do that stitching seamlessly. She would use glue, but even that won't put it all back together so perfectly.

There is no way for her to just put it back together and pretend it never happened, to move on like this was just a blip. Because I am different now, I have grown. She has missed so much of my early teenage years - the years that I have most needed her help.

But I am not even sure that Alexia wants that any more; I don't know if she wants to fix this all up and move on.

The dinner table is quiet as I pick at my meal, Mapi encouraging me to eat more than a few bites, claiming she won't leave until my plate has been cleaned up.

Ingrid doesn't utter a single word, instead her green eyes piercing through my skin. I feel exposed to Ingrid, as if she can read everything, understand everything, just from one simple glance.

It is ridiculous, but she is deep in thought so I don't say anything to her either.

It is only when Mapi opens her mouth again that Ingrid's eyes flick over to her girlfriend.

"Does Alba know you feel like this? Or your Mami?"

It is a simple question, but strikes a chord.

No, neither of them know. Neither of them have even noticed a change.

I shake my head roughly, and Ingrid releases a scoff.

I look up, offended.

"What?"

She turns her head to me, confused, so I continue.

"It is not my fault! It is not easy to talk about these things."

"No, no. Elena, that was not directed at you."

She seems apologetic so I have to believe her. I push my chair back, attempting to leave the room with a clutter, cursing my misty eyes for what feels like the millionth time that day.

But me exit is not as seamless as I would have liked, and Mapi is standing right in front of me when I get up, wrapping her arms around me.

It is supposed to be to trap me, but Mapi's arms will never not be a comfort.

I immediately relax into her grip, sighing softly.

"I am so confused."

~~~~~~

Mapi's hands were running through my hair, my lap on the sofa as the tv played that evening. It had been an hour since dinner and the three of us had moved into the lounge room, the silence being filled by the Spanish show on the screen.

But there was a knock on the door and Ingrid sighed, standing up to open it, knowing that neither Mapi or I would get up.

It was both surprising and unsurprising to see Aitana standing there, her hair messy and over of her face, as if she had just been in bed.

"Is Mapi still awake?"

She didn't bother to greet Ingrid, clearly here for a reason. Why else would she have arrived at almost 11 at night.

I couldn't hear Ingrid's response, but I could hear Mapi speaking to me.

"She's worried about you too, Elena. You-"

I love Aitana, I always have.

"I know she is, she is terrible at hiding it. But she has avoided bringing it up. If she wanted me to talk to her I would try my best to, but she hasn't."

Again, I love Aitana and I know she has my best interests at heart. She knows I need to talk about everything to someone, but she also knows that I don't want to. She doesn't want to push even though I can tell she is worried. She is stressed.

Ingrid and Aitana enter as soon as I finish speaking, the Spaniard almost running to where I am lying, placing her hand on my cheek.

"You have been crying."

It is blunt, a bit surprising. I don't really know what to expect from Aitana, she has always been the light hearted one who never would shy from telling me how great I was, but we have never really spoken about melancholy emotions like these.

I suppose there has never really been a need to in the past, that is what Alexia and Alba were for.

She sits down on the floor in front of my face, her knees up to her chest as she stares at me, intensity in her eyes. It is not unlike the intensity she often displays on the pitch, motivated and passionate.

"I will help you." She is decisive. "We will fix this."

I nod softly and she runs her hand down my cheek.

"You are too young to be feeling like this, little Lena. I am sorry I let it get this far."

I look at her in confusion and she pauses before continuing.

"I knew something was wrong. I went to your games at La Masia."

I can tell Mapi is listening closer now.

"I know she didn't go to any."

Mapi gasps, quite loudly, and Aitana gives her a frustrated look, rolling her eyes softly.

"I should have said something to her. She doesn't realise how important you are, how lucky she is to have you."

I frown at her words.

"Lucky?"

It hasn't something I'd ever considered my sisters to be, having to look after a small child for most of their adolescence. Having to please me for so long.

"I used to dream of having a baby sister like you, she is lucky."

Mapi decides it is her turn to add something to the conversation.

"She loves you, Elena, she always has. Of course she thought she was lucky. She needed someone to help her pick on Alba."

There is suddenly a lump in my throat. I think it is the mention of the before that triggered it. The memories are too hard to handle, I usually avoid them at all costs.

My eyes become wet again, apparently, but Aitana just laughs softly.

"You two were just so mean to her, the poor thing."

Mapi lets out a chuckle from above me as well, and I find my mouth turning upwards into a smile.

"I probably should apologise now, shouldn't I?"

Aitana shakes her head, not able to hold back her laughs and Mapi is the same from where I can not see her.

It is when I finally laughed that I feel Mapi soften beneath me and see Aitana exhale a soft sigh of relief. They thought I wouldn't notice, but I did. I notice everything.

"We will fix this, ok?" Aitana was somewhat serious again, her hand patting my face. "We have a day off tomorrow, I will be here and we can all talk. We can all decide what to do next."

"Why are you two doing all this for me?"

Aitana sighs and Mapi's hands pause in my hair.

The midfielder looks above me, as if encouraging her to reply, but I speak up again before she can.

"Alexia is your captain, your teammate. She is your best friend, Mapi. Why are you doing so much for me when we are not speaking?"

There is another pause. It looks like Aitana is about to hit Mapi on the head, but the Spaniard speaks up before she can.

"Alexia has so many people behind her. Alexia is strong, she is experienced and she is older than you. You are just young, pequena and you are so lonely and lost. We want to help the both of you, but we need to help you first."

She pauses and Aitana finds the time to interject. It is like they have been talking about me.

Come to think of it, they probably have.

"You looked like you were going to burst. We knew that you and Alexia weren't speaking, that both of you were having a hard time because of it. But Elena, you looked destroyed. We couldn't leave you to your own devices any more. And Elena, we are doing this because we love you. So, so much."

"Alexia loves you too. More than us. She just does not do a great job of showing it, that's all."

I sigh softly, falling backwards into Mapi's lap, wondering just what I have done to deserve this.

How luckyI am to have my older sisters friends there looking out for me.

Because my family was falling apart and it was my fault. I couldn't do everything alone.

I choose not to think about what would happen if Mapi and Aitana weren't here like they are.

A tear slips down my face again, but this time it is not so sad. It is full of emotion, a grateful tear. Not quite happy, but not sad either.

"Thank you."

~~~~~~

hope you enjoyed :)

this chapter was more to gauge where elena is at, sorry if it was boring!

part V

#woso #woso fanfics #woso imagine #barca femeni #fcb femení #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #mapi leon #aitana bonmati

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kafukaselect-blog · 2 days

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How Asa will react next chapter

This chapters cliffhanger puts heavy emphasis on Asa's reaction to the events, which makes sense considering that she did not consent to anything that happened. Combine that with her stated disgust towards sex and it seems like Asa is going to have a massively negative reaction next chapter.

More specifically I think that Asa's reaction next chapter will be to vomit.

Fujimoto has often used vomiting in Chainsaw Man, it’s a motif that he seems to be very fond of. Yoru's main goal in Part 2 is tied directly to vomiting, Fujimoto even makes a point of showing that Nayuta's power is able to make people vomit (Which is clearly setup for Nayuta being the one to make Pochita vomit up nuclear weapons, but I digress).

Of course I'm not just relying on random instances of characters vomiting to predict her reaction, there are two specific instances that connect very directly into the current events. First is Asa vomiting in response to crushing Bucky, this not only sets up that she vomits when disgusted, but also ties into her dream of the birds in the alley.

The series has already drawn a comparison between Denji and the birds Asa steps on, with the birds obviously being inspired by Bucky (Bucky is also notably not actually Asa's fault but was caused by a third party, similar to how Yoru is responsible for this chapters events). This connection means it make sense that her reaction to unwillingly sexually assaulting Denji in an alley would mirror her reaction to crushing Bucky.

The second instance of vomiting that this would tie into is Denji's vomit kiss, more specifically, the ensuing conversation with Makima it spurs on about first tastes. This situation in the alley is easily the biggest example of a "first taste" for Denji since his first kiss, another first taste that has been potentially ruined for him. And if Asa's reaction in the next chapter is to vomit, then that provides a natural segue for Denji to think back about his first kiss, and tie this chapters events back to the concept of "first tastes".

The motif of vomit in Chainsaw Man has been something I've been noticing for a while now, and I am super interested to see where Fujimoto is going with it.

#chainsaw man #csm #csm manga #csm spoilers #chainsaw man part 2 #chainsaw man spoilers #csm analysis #csm part 2 #csm theory #csm 167 #cw: sa mention

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justatalkingface · 2 days

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I find Endeavor giving up on Toya once he found out that his son's quirk (Blueflame) was self-destructive to be, not only out-of-character, but incredibly stupid.

Endeavor is loaded, he bought Rei. Why not buy Toya special support gear costume with cooling? Aoyama's belt, Mirio's suit, and f*cking Mecha Might basically suggest that support gear can do anything as long as the plot demands it.

Besides that, has Endeavor literally never heard of endurance training? That's literally the only type of training Class 1A does most of the time. Just have Rei on standby if anything goes wrong. It's not like being a human cooler would be the most degrading thing she's suffered.

It's like the first time Aizawa criticized Deku for injuring himself with One for All. Did they try thinking of solutions before trying to get them to give up ?

Also, it's kind of messed that Toya's inability fulfill Endeavor's goals is because Rei, the bought mother. It could've easily been Endeavor's fault, like his intense training at a young age ruined Toya's developing body.

OK, you see, the thing is you're thinking about this logically. Like, Endeavor has been many things, but 'rational' isn't one of them. Deeply toxic and twisted, on the other hand?

You need to think like someone desperate to prove themselves, filled with about eight superiority and inferiority complexes, and yet so resigned to his own inferiority that he ended up needing to make someone else to do it for him. The fact that Toya hurt himself? It meant he was weak. That's it. He was weak for being unable to use his powers safely.

And the second he was weak, he was no longer useful, because he could no longer beat All Might.

(Nevermind, of course, that there was nothing he could do to make someone able to beat All Might, because All Might and All For One are both setting breaking hacks that single handedly break the balance of power. Even a super Shoto with the blue flames of Dabi and, like, absolute zero ice, perfectly balanced and able to withstand his own power, would get casually bitchslapped by All Might. That's how overwhelmingly broken he is.)

Beyond that, it's worth pointing out that, 1, Mecha Might is, again, setting breaking bullshit, even in the bullshit casually tinkertech setting that is MHA, and that 2, while Quirk training is a thing (presumably that's how Dabi was able to be as high functioning as he was with his... well, entire everything, that he grinded with his Quirk until he was able to work beyond the pain), there are limits without Awakenings... and let's be honest, Awakenings are just how Hori tried to explain people's various power ups to try and keep them relevent in the ever increasing clusterfuck of his story. No amount of training would make it so that Toya would not burn himself; training like that increases limits, but it doesn't change how the Quirk works.

There's basiclly no reason, in setting, for someone not to suit themselves entirely in support tech to be a purely tech driven hero, beyond institutional culture that is built around people's Quirks. I can't even say it's expensive, because hell, Mei just pulls them out on the regular, and there's every reason to think she was making them even before she actually got into UA, instead of somehow learning to make them within a week or two of getting into school.

The fact that support tech is so damn underused is almost criminal, especially for people with more limited abilities; can you imagine if Kirashima, with his hardening, was given some kind of ranged tool? An air blast or something?

You're also ignoring all his complexes in implying that, 1, Rei could do anything, when literally she only exists to be a breeder, and I don't think he's ever shown imagining her able to do... anything helpful.

And, most importantly, 2: Endeavor always blames everyone but himself. Always. Even in the 'canon' (I have opinions on the sheer level of retcon there) version of events, with how soft that is on Endeavor, Endeavor sets up Toya to have a psychotic break. He isolates him, orients his entire life around one thing (surpassing All Might) and then takes away the very foundation he built his life on, before basiclly ignoring him and never trying to fix him afterwords; of course the kid is messed up! Yet, all this time, he looks back, and all he can think is, 'I couldn't stop him! Toya was so driven, Toya wouldn't stop hurting himself, Toya wouldn't listen to me!'

Toya, Toya, Toya. Everything wrong with Dabi's story was blamed on Toya, even though he was an actual child and Endeavor was the one with all the control in the family; his recollection of things was so warped you could see how it contracted with literally everyone's experience of events... Of course he was going to blame Rei over himself! Rei is the person he bought, and he's the top hero, rich and famous! Nothing is ever his fault!

(Also, I have opinions on Aizawa, and they're overwhelmingly negative. The fact that Aizawa wanted to ditch Izuku first thing is a result of his overwhelming biases and prejudices..... exactly like Endeavor. MHA has this thing of making massively biased authority figures that are obviously so and then going through fire to protect them from their own actions.)

#ask #mha critical #bnha critical #endeavor critical #hori's massively biased authority figures #the endeavor reconning

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stormsbourne · 1 day

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honestly though dragon age 2 was the exact perfect game to follow dragon age origins and it's almost entirely because of the things that most hardc0re gamerz hated most: the inability to change or divert what happens

you go from a game where you are a special rainbow star who the plot and world seems to rotate around to a game where you are just a person who ends up a significant figure mostly by chance. in origins you are one of the only survivors of a mass betrayal by the king's right hand man, and you have it drilled into you again and again that your choices matter. not only do they matter but they are the fulcrum the worldstate moves around. not a fan of the werewolves? kill them all off and let the guy who cursed them in the first place off scot free. think golems would be a sick way to really fuck up an archdemon? revive that ancient tech at the cost of who knows how many lower-class and casteless dwarf lives. you are the one who determines if the archdemon dies or gets reborn as a supernatural infant boy. it is all on you.

in dragon age 2 almost nothing is on you. the other characters have goals and motivations and you might be able to slightly affect them, but some things happen regardless. fenris always kills hadriana. anders always blows up the chantry. isabela always has already stolen the qunari artifact and merrill is not capable of being persuaded not to fuck with the eluvian. sure, you can affect their fates. do you sell fenris back into slavery? do you kill merrill's entire clan to protect her reputation or let her take the brunt of it to spare them? does anders live or die? bethany? carver? but the actions the characters take mostly happen regardless of hawke's input. the worldstate does not morph to fit what you want it to be anymore because the characters have too much weight in the people they already are.

and the wider plot reflects this, too. the qunari are unwilling to negotiate a peace, especially once they deem kirkwall too far gone to be worth saving. meredith is set in her ways and cannot be convinced out of her mindset. you cannot save leandra. anders, again, always blows up the chantry. hawke is involved in many of these events but they are far from being the fulcrum the world spins around. they are just a person, like most other people, caught up in the conflicts of forces so much more powerful and more ingrained into society than they are, that the best they can do is to ride the waves. to leap forward as the world changes around them, as flemeth fortells early in the game. the big reveal varric hesitates to tell cassandra for so long is that hawke was just a person, caught up in a million conflicts that they tried to stop but could not because the world was already too set against them. a fish struggling upstream for its whole life, and if you buy the depiction of hawke in inquisition, one who sort of resented the role they ended up playing in what became of the wider world.

it's perfect. it's beautiful. I know the narrative these days is that it's so constrained because of the short dev cycle, and while I do think that if the dev cycle had been longer there would have been more polish and shine, I think this theme was always intended because it's such a perfect foil to origins. origins says show me how important you are, the world your warden wants to create. da2 says that the world already exists, and the best you can do is try to keep things from getting worse, and make a tiny impact for the better in the lives of the people around you. the mages you help escape kirkwall while they can, the people you manage to save from slavers. maybe you can't change the world, maybe it's too set against you. but you can change something. some little things.

it slaps.

#god I really hope dav is good #dragon age #dragon age 2

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cozymochi · 10 hours

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Character question! TWST is an isekai, right? What was Tia doing before she got zapped into the setting?

If TWST is not an isekai and I'm mistaken, just ignore me 😂

TWST IS AN ISEKAI SO YOU’RE RIGHT, DW. It’s pretty much baked in that the viewer makes up who the MC is (not everyone does, but, I do) 🩷 Sry it took a minute (WEEKS) to answer. I was drawing things. Sometimes I don’t think I articulate with words well enough to explain myself nor to retain attention. I did not proofread and the text got wonky so excuse that.

Now what was Tia doing before being forced into the setting 🪷

Prior to being whisked into Twisted Wonderland, Tia was a normal person from New Orleans, yay! She lived with her grandmama (but she doesn’t like being called that, she ain’t OLD m’kay?) and older brother (Not appearing in the following images.)

There’s a bit more background but I’ll stick with the most recent and basic stuff.

At the end of her school year, Tia got accepted into some kind of once in a lifetime apprenticeship program, where she and 4 other selected people, will shadow a world-famous chef in New York City. During the summer, she’s been cooking, reading, and doing part-time jobs nonstop in excess-preparation.

She was intending on transferring to a new school and live with her great aunt in NYC (grandmama’s sister), graduate, then get started in her career climbing up the ladder and eventually be able accomplish a long term dream of hers— opening her own restaurant.

Though, obviously, Tia has issues with being so laser focused on her goal she tends to neglect everything else in life. Like, y’know. Having friends, having fun, literally doing ANYTHING outside of working. Let alone sort out her own feelings or heck, even consider if this is truly something she wants to do. She’s pretty much convinced herself into it, and for the past year in particular she’s been more engrossed than ever.

Either way, things were going swimmingly by her standards. Tia was just SO CLOSE to getting a foot in the door and everything was about to go right for her— Almost there, even. Two weeks until she flies to NYC to start her new life and really get her dreams started!!

Well.

Till the black carraige showed up. Shit.

[EVENT NOT DEPICTED]

#cozy ask #ALWAYS WANTED TO SPOUT THIS!!!#tho answering this made me overhaul her old pre-twst life #so if anyone saw the old stuff it is no longer valid.#also this is less complicated.#DOES SHE HAVE DEAD PARENTS? But of COURSE! its not an MC in an isekai without it!!#Tia Dumarais #twstposting #sorry the speaking is shit i literally forgot all the good ways of wording by the time i reached the end lol

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firelxdykatara · 13 hours

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Dragon Age 4 looks amazing, that gameplay trailer had me on the edge of my seat and I cannot fucking wait for the game to drop. Somewhat less enthused for the inevitable wave of fandom discourse that's gonna rear it's ugly head, especially given how BG3 went over, but whatever. (Also I hate that the name changed to 'The Veilguard', not just because 'Dreadwolf' was cool as fuck but the 'the' throws things off. DAV looks better as an acronym than DATV. But whatever whatever no one consulted ME on this, it's fine, I'm fine.)

It did make me start thinking about Solas again and how little nuance the fandom approached him with last time, and it's just funny because like... it's very easy to understand where Solas is coming from. How he sees what he is planning as necessary, as fixing an ancient wrong that he has always meant to put right.

Will people die? Yes, and he thinks that's unfortunate--and, according to him in the trailer, he took the precautions he could to minimize that loss of life as much as possible. But he's not doing any of this with the specific aim to kill people or 'do genocide'--that was never his goal.

He is trying to fix something that he broke countless ages ago.

As he says, 'the veil is a wound'--a wound that he ripped open in the very fabric of space and time, and which he is trying now to heal.

And the thing is, he is ancient. He does not conceive of time the way mortals do, nor the importance and significance of mortal lives. I would like to think that romanced solas vs unromanced will have some affect on the way he goes about things, because falling in love was entirely unexpected and had to alter his views at least a little. Not enough to sway him from his course, but perhaps enough to make him feel the coming losses more keenly than he otherwise would. But even failing that, the connections he made during Inquisition are clearly not nothing to him--Varric is able to draw his attention, keep him distracted, might even have been on the verge of talking him down, we don't know. But as easily as he shattered Bianca, he could've killed Varric to end the threat he posed, and he didn't.

Mortal lives mean something to him now that they didn't when he set out at the beginning of Inquisition to tear down the veil with no regard for the mortal lives he would destroy in the process. And I'm wondering if those very safeguards are what release the big bads when Rook fucks up his ritual and that leads into the rest of the game. But anyway, my point is this: Solas does not look at life the way someone with a mortal lifespan does. He can't! Modern Thedas is the burned out shell of a building that he once set fire to without realizing what the consequences would be--and he is determined to rebuild it, because no matter what life has sprung up in the cracks of the burned out husk, his original fault was destroying the life that had been there to begin with.

People don't tend to overly worry about the insects and birds nests and whatever else they might have to bulldoze through when it comes to tearing down some condemned structure and rebuilding in its place, and that's how Solas views the modern world of Thedas and the lives within it. And I get disagreeing with him and wanting to stop him at any cost, but I don't get assigning maliciousness or bloodthirst to his motivations when there's no reason to believe he sees this as anything less than a tragic necessity.

Then again, I think Anders was right too so, y'know. But one bomb lobbed into the fandom commonroom at a time lmao.

#solas #da4 #the veilguard #genuinely though i'm so excited for this game #long post #i need it to be fall already please #begging for some way to save solas in the end pls i crave it. let my lavellan have some peace.#dragon age

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aesethewitch · 15 hours

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Watermelon Salad Spell Recipe - Summer Solstice Feast

Every year, I do a feast for each of the solstices and equinoxes. This is the first recipe for the 2024 Summer Solstice! My main goal for the overall meal is generating energy, preparing for the darkening half of the year, enhancing success for upcoming projects, and celebrating the sun. These themes repeat throughout the meal in a variety of ways.

I always serve seasonal fruits as snacks before a feast, and that’s how this watermelon salad recipe started. Now, I prefer it as a delicious side dish to provide a burst of freshness. It brings a distinctly Summer feeling to the meal that other salads don’t quite manage. I suggest getting fresh, local produce at a farmer’s market or local stall if you can! Local-grown watermelons just hit different.

Ingredients:

1/2 of a Large Watermelon 2 c Fresh Spinach 1/2 c Feta, crumbled 1/8 c Balsamic Vinegar (or to taste)

Instructions:

Wash your spinach and then pat dry.

Cut the watermelon into one-inch cubes.

In a large bowl, toss the watermelon, spinach, and feta together until well combined.

Drizzle with the balsamic vinegar.

Serve immediately. If not serving immediately, wait to drizzle the balsamic vinegar until just before serving and refrigerate the watermelon, spinach, and feta mixture.

Recipe Notes:

I first had this salad at a local sandwich shop one summer. I’ve been obsessed ever since. It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s absolutely delicious.

If you don’t like balsamic vinegar, you can omit it. Instead, I would suggest a sprinkling of salt and pepper to give it a little more depth of flavor. You could also use another type of salad dressing, but I would advise against using something with strong flavors that would overwhelm the watermelon flavor.

The amount of feta in the recipe is a suggestion. I often end up adding more than half a cup, because I like it. Half a cup is the minimum amount I would suggest.

This is a must-have in my picnic baskets and at summertime parties. If you’re making this for a crowd, I would suggest doubling the recipe and using a whole watermelon. I tend to go for one without seeds, but you can choose whatever type you prefer.

To make this a more fortifying main dish, I’ve added cubed or shredded chicken to the mix. You could also toss in a bit of tofu if you prefer to keep things vegetarian.

Magic Notes:

Watermelons are about 90% water. This means they have a strong connection to the element of water and its properties. In my practice, this means it has elements of healing, calm, wisdom, and emotion. In particular, also thanks to the color and personally-studied effects, watermelon is useful for workings surrounding romantic love, self love, and joy.

Spinach is my favorite leafy green, and it’s also good for you! I associate it heavily with health and wellness, but it’s lent itself well to workings surrounding wealth and success, too.

Balsamic vinegar is made from grapes! Like wine, it’s an aged product that requires a lot of time and patience before it’s ready to use. And like wine made from grapes, it can be associated with a range of things like love, abundance, and harvest. I find that ingredients which have been aged or which require a long time to produce make excellent contenders for magical workings surrounding hard work and gratitude.

Put them all together (with the rich, salty feta cheese), and you’ve got a recipe that can lend itself toward any number of purposes. For the Summer Solstice, I’m emphasizing the qualities of joy, wellness, and hard work. The idea is to acknowledge the work that’s already been done and prepare for the second half of the year, imparting energy and motivation on whoever eats the salad.

If your watermelon has seeds, you can either leave them in if they won’t bother you, or you can remove the ones you’re able to get to while cutting the melon into cubes. Set them aside to dry slightly, and you’ve got a new component for another spell! Seeds of most sorts are good for blessing new projects or endeavors. Because their fruit is so large, I tend to associate watermelon seeds with bringing about big changes or big successes — new careers, blessing a garden for a large harvest, seeking a new home, and so forth. In my mind, the bigger the goal is, the bigger the seed’s fruit (or plant, if it’s a tree seed) ought to be.

If you enjoyed this recipe or if you plan on using it as part of your own Summer Solstice meal, please consider reblogging or tossing a couple dollars in my tip jar! Doing so has a bonus benefit:

The full collection of Summer Solstice recipe posts are going up on Ko-Fi this week for supporters only! You can tip me a couple dollars, commission me for a tarot reading or a custom recipe, buy a recipe card bundle from my shop, or become a monthly member! Support helps me keep the lights on and this blog running. (:

All of the recipes will also be sold as a bundle of pages designed to go in a grimoire next week, just in time for the Solstice!

You can view this recipe on Ko-Fi also:

#aese speaks #spells #my spells #spell recipe #food magic #kitchen witch #kitchen witchcraft #summer solstice #witchblr #witchcraft #witch community

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