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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 10 months

Text

Note: this request has been sitting in my messages for a long time. I wrote bits and pieces every now and then, but as it was a request which hit home hard, I ended up working a lot of real life experiences in this story, so I've shed a lot of tears too and often had to leave the fic alone for a few days. I really hope you will enjoy this read, @hb8301. Also, I loved how you requested Sihtric to be an MMA fighter, and therefore it had crossed my mind many times to work your request into the Fighter fic, but I didn't. I felt this deserved to be a standalone fic. Thank you for your patience, again, I hope it's worth the wait. also, for everyone: go here to get familiar with the symptoms of breast cancer.

Warnings: angst/fluff. focus point is reader having breast cancer and getting treatment. spoiler alert: happy ending!

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: Sihtric was away from home, preparing for his next fight, and you had to tell him some bad news when he got home. And together, you had to face this battle.

Word count: 5,5k

Masterlist

'Don't call me Bambi.'

*****************

A few days ago you suddenly discovered a little lump in your breast, and it had freaked you out. You went pale and started to tremble, hoping your gut feeling was wrong, but you knew better and immediately made a doctor's appointment.

Sihtric, your long time boyfriend who was also a prized MMA fighter, was preparing for his upcoming fight, which was scheduled in 5 days and, with your permission, was spending the last week before his fight at a secluded training camp with his team. This was something he always did, as his mind had to be clear and his only focus should be to win that fight. You didn't like being without him for a week, but you supported him, knowing he would mess up his chances of winning if he didn't go to camp, because you knew he could not resist the temptation back home; you.

You wouldn't see Sihtric until next monday, the day after his fight, and you weren't present at his fight because it was abroad this time. Sihtric had reluctantly left you back home, but he understood and said he'd video call you every day, which he faithfully did.

*************

'Hey, gorgeous,' Sihtric smiled when you appeared on his screen, and he raked his hand through his long, messy hair as he sat back against a wall at the gym. You heard the sound of gloves punching bags in the background and you figured Sihtric actually didn't have time to talk, and called during a short break.

You chuckled and felt yourself blush at his words and at the sight of him. After all these years you were still in love like a pair of teenagers.

'Hey, handsome,' you said as you switched on your night light and sat up in bed.

'Did I wake you, honey?' Sihtric frowned. It was only 10 in the evening and he knew you were a night owl, just like him, so he was surprised to see you in bed. 'Are you okay, baby? You look a little pale.'

'I'm fine,' you lied, 'how's training? Still going at it I see?'

'It's going well. Fight's getting close now,' Sihtric shrugged and stopped mid sentence as he looked at you. He scratched his short, well kept beard as he tilted his head to the side while he looked deep in thought. Sihtric picked up on energies and emotions really quick, and you knew he sensed something was wrong.

'You sure you're okay, baby?'

'I am,' you smiled, 'just tired. Had a busy day,' you chuckled lightly to which he smiled.

'Gotta keep yourself busy,' Sihtric said before he looked up at someone who wanted his attention at the gym, 'yeah, 5 minutes, okay?' he looked back at you, 'I don't have much time today, my love, I'm sorry. Few more days, then I'm all yours again.'

'I miss you, Siht,' you suddenly said with a trembling voice, which he picked up on as well.

'I miss you too, sweetie. But what's going on?'

'Nothing, babe… I just… I wish you- you were home,' you suddenly let out a sob and started to cry.

'Honey?' Sihtric jumped up, alarmed, and as if he could just run over to you, 'baby? What is wrong?' his eyes darted all over his screen as he watched you cry, feeling completely powerless as he was a 6 hour flight away from you.

You couldn't speak, you only shook your head and tried to smile through your tears.

'Baby, do I have to come home? Did something happen? Talk to me, love. Please, say something?'

By now the gym had gotten quiet, as everyone had heard the alarmed tone in his voice after he they saw him jump up. But like Sihtric, they had no idea what was going on.

'No- no,' you said, trying to control your emotions, 'I'm just really tired… I miss you…'

'Where is this coming from, little deer? It's not the first time I'm away from home like this...'

You smiled weakly at the way he called you 'little deer'. Sihtric had called you 'Bambi' when you first started dating, because he loved the way you looked up at him with your big eyes, and he said you reminded him of a deer. You thought it was cute but you said you didn't like being called 'Bambi', because the movie made you sad, as Bambi's mother died and Bambi also got shot, so it always made you think of death in a silly way. Sihtric had smiled sweetly at you when he said that Bambi survived and lived happily ever after, but you just couldn't get used to it. So he called you 'little deer' instead, which you thought was sweet.

'I don't know,' you sniffled, 'guess my hormones are all over the place again, you know, full Moon and all that…'

Sihtric snorted and rolled his eyes. 'You and your Moon phases,' he smiled, 'I will fight the Moon next, I swear, because I hate seeing you like this and apparently the Moon's to blame.'

You smiled again and wiped your tears.

'Hang on for a few more days, okay, baby? I'm home soon again, love. I miss you, I love you, and I can't wait to hold you and kiss you and feel you in my arms again,' Sihtric said softly before he looked up at someone in the gym again. He nodded and looked back at you and sighed. 'Hey, I gotta go, I'm sorry, honey. Promise me you'll be okay?'

'I will be okay,' you hoped.

'Good. I will be there again soon. And if you need me back home, any time, I don't care when, even if it's an hour before the fight, you call me, okay?' Sihtric rambled on, 'call me and I come straight home, yeah? I love you, baby. Miss you. Sweet dreams, sleep tight, text me when you're up?'

'I will,' you smiled tiredly, 'I love you too, honey. Good luck with your training.'

'Thank you, baby. I'm going to win this fight for you, and every fight after this one,' Sihtric smiled, 'sweet dreams, little deer.'

He blew you a few kisses, which you returned, and then you both ended the call. You couldn't wait to see him again, but you were also dreading his return home. Because when he got back home, you'd have to tell him that you had been diagnosed with breast cancer stage 2.

*****************

Sihtric had won his fight. You had seen it live on tv and you had been running and screaming through your living room as you saw it happen. And for a moment you had forgotten all about the illness that had made a home inside your body. Until Sihtric was briefly interviewed after the fight, in the centre of the octagon while being surrounded by his team, and he had thanked everyone for their support before he turned to look straight into the camera and yelled, 'I know you're watching, little deer,' he winked, 'I love you, I fought and won for you and I'll be home again tomorrow, baby!' and Sihtric had kissed the camera before his team dragged him back to celebrate his win.

You cried when you saw it, because you loved him, missed him and you were so proud of him. But you also cried because you knew he would not take the news well, as he always told you his biggest fear was losing you.

*****************

'No,' Sihtric scoffed as he held your hands, 'no,' he shook his head and he looked at you, confused with a half smile, as if waiting for you to tell him it was all a really bad joke. 'I don't understand,' he went on, 'are… are you sure? I mean, hospitals make mistakes, right?'

You said nothing as you watched his smile slowly fade.

'I mean… they… they,' Sihtric swallowed hard, 'can they run the tests again?' his eyes darted over your, surprisingly, calm face. 'They can check again, right, baby?' his voice became shaky as his lower lip startled to tremble, 'baby, they- they made a mistake? It has to be… I… they're wrong…'

'Sihtric,' you whispered and squeezed his hands. Your eyes teared up as you saw his tears fall down.

'They… I- I will call them,' Sihtric became angry, 'they'll run those fucking tests again and see they're wrong! I don't care how much it costs! They made a mistake!'

'Honey, please,' you whispered, 'it's not a mistake, I-'

'No!' Sihtric jumped up, 'they're lying!' he shouted through his tears and kicked over the dinner chair he just sat on. 'Fuck this fucking bullshit, fuck!' He breathed hard as his tears kept falling and walked to the garden door, which he kicked open with such force, it almost fell off its hinges, and you watched Sihtric storm outside, into the backyard. You saw how he kicked at the grass as he cursed and eventually kicked the birdhouse, which tipped over, and as he wanted to kick it again, he got his foot stuck in the house and aggressively tried to shake off the birdhouse from his ankle.

Sihtric had taken it exactly how you thought he would; not well. You had told him about the diagnosis and also made it very clear that it could be treated. It would be rough, yes, but you were lucky to have found it this early. With surgery and chemo, the doctors gave your recovery chances almost 100%.

But you were pretty sure Sihtric hadn't heard a single word after you had taken his hands and said, 'My love, I need you to really listen to what I am going to say, and please, don't freak out…'

****************

Weeks had passed since Sihtric heard the news and had destroyed the birdhouse, because his big foot had gotten stuck in it. Your surgery was now scheduled and you had started your chemotherapy a few days ago. The plan was to shrink the tumour so you could have breast conserving surgery.

You had been rather calm, despite everything. You had faith in the treatment and you felt it was going to be okay. Afterall; it is what it is. But Sihtric was a mess. He refused to leave your side throughout the day and at night he held you tightly in his arms.

Sihtric tried to be strong for you and helped out with every little thing, as if you were suddenly a fragile doll, and he freaked out every time you felt nausea, dizzy or had to throw up because of the chemo. But you weren't a fragile doll. You were still the same strong woman you were before your diagnosis. Except that you had felt rather sick after each chemo treatment, but other than that, you were okay.

Regardless, you let Sihtric do whatever he wanted to help you with, because he just didn't know how to cope, and you could tell. Sihtric told you he was fine, but you knew he barely slept. At night, he would often stay up a little longer than you, and said he just wanted to watch some light tv before he joined you in bed, just to take his mind off things. But each night, when he thought you were asleep already, he'd simply break down and cry on the couch. And each night you would hear his long, desperate grunts, which he tried to muffle as he screamed and cried into a pillow downstairs, but his heartbreaking bellow simply cut through everything.

And each night you wanted to hold him in your arms, tell him that everything would truly be okay. But you knew he was simply afraid and that he was just trying to deal with this in his own way, which was different for each person, so you had to let him cry at night as it seemed to be his only outlet since he took a break from training to be with you. And when he joined you in bed after he had calmed down, an hour later, you would simply cuddle up and tell him how much you loved him.

'I would rather die than live without you,' Sihtric said one night, as he held you.

'But I'm not going anywhere,' you reassured him, 'I'm not leaving you. This is not how I go, I promise.'

'This is the one fight I can't win for you,' he said quietly.

'Then fight with me. I need you to fight with me. And I promise you, my love, this is not going to take me down.'

'You will have to bury me, before I bury you,' Sihtric said.

'Oh, I will bury you if you destroy another birdhouse I made myself.'

'I'm sorry, little deer, I will build you a new one,' Sihtric chuckled softly in your ear and pecked your cheek.

'Baby, you have two left hands,' you giggled, 'great for punching bags and opponents, but not for building me a birdhouse.'

'Is that all my hands are good for?' Sihtric asked, and you could hear him smile as his hand trailed down your body, 'or should I remind you what else I'm good at with my hands?'

You giggled when he snuck his hand down your panties. Despite everything, Sihtric still made sure you knew how much he loved you. And while you didn't feel well enough to have sex, because it was quite a workout with him, he would still pleasure you in a way that was comfortable for you whenever you wanted it.

****************

After your second week of chemo, things became a little harder, but Sihtric still was by your side 24/7. Except for that hour after you had gone to bed already. Then he'd either scream and cry in a pillow, or go to the gym in the basement and punch a wall, instead of a bag, until his knuckles bled. But during the day, he wouldn't show you any of his pain or how scared he still was. He only wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

'Sihtric,' you said one night.

'Hm?' he hummed, looking down at you in his arms.

'What if… when I- I start to lose my hair…' you tried not to cry, because out of everything, that is what you feared the most. Which was ridiculous actually, but you couldn't help it. 'Would you s…shave my head?'

Sihtric clenched his jaw when he saw you tear up, and swallowed hard.

'Would you want me to do that?' his voice was soft.

You nodded silently.

'Then of course I will,' he sniffled, 'everything for you, my love, always.'

'Would… would you still love me when… when my hair…'

'Don't be silly, baby, of course I will. Always.'

***************

You just finished your 3rd week of chemo.

You got out of the shower and blow dried your hair, as usual, but when you raked your fingers through it, you suddenly pulled out full locks of hair. You gasped and dropped the hairdryer, which broke in five pieces as it hit the floor, and about three seconds later you heard Sihtric storm up the stairs.

'Baby!' he yelled before he bursted into the bathroom, 'hey!'

He knew you had been feeling tired and a little dizzy, so he worried you had fallen or simply fainted. Sihtric froze when he saw the broken hairdryer on the floor. And then he saw your crying face and your trembling hand, with a whole strand of hair tangled around your fingers. And without thinking he raked his own fingers through his long hair and looked bewildered. You took a deep breath and looked at him.

'I need the… the ha- hair clipper.'

Sihtric nodded and was quick to grab it and plugged it in. He looked at you and pulled you close.

'Do you want me to do it?' he asked softly, 'or will you try it yourself?'

'I'll… try it.'

Sihtric helped you with the settings as you both sniffled, and he got behind you as you looked in the mirror, ready to shave your hair off, for the first time in your life. He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding your trembling body tight, and he kissed your cheek several times.

'You got this, baby,' he whispered, 'you'll be so fucking beautiful, I just know it.'

You chuckled lightly through your tears and brought the hair clipper up… but you couldn't do it and broke down in tears again. Sihtric took the clipper out of your hands and held you even tighter.

'It's okay, my love,' he hushed you, 'don't be afraid. I know you don't want to hear it, but it will grow back before you know it.'

'I know, just… just do it, Sihtric, just get it over with,' your shoulders jerked as you cried.

Sihtric moved around you and took your chin gently, lifted it slightly up and he kissed your lips, pouring out the endless love he felt for you.

'I love you,' he whispered, 'no matter what, Bambi.'

'Don't call me Bambi,' you sniffled with a small smile.

'Actually,' Sihtric said, 'I will call you Bambi. You know why?'

You shook your head as you watched him move behind you again, and you felt his arm back around your waist.

'Because,' Sihtric said as he looked at your reflection, 'Bambi was a bad bitch who lived happily ever after.'

You snorted and wiped your tears.

'And guess what?'

'What?' you sniffled again.

'You're a bad bitch who will live happily ever after too,' Sihtric winked, and then asked if you were ready.

You said you weren't, but told him to just do it. And he did. You closed your eyes and hid your face behind your hands as you felt your hair fall down your shoulders, over your bare arms, onto your bare feet. And when he was done, you felt Sihtric press a kiss to your shaved head and he told you that you still looked like 'a fucking goddess'.

After a long moment you finally opened your eyes and you cried at your reflection. It wasn't that bad, but you simply hated it and felt like you weren't yourself anymore. You had considered a wig, but you knew it would also raise questions, so you'd rather just be bald.

'Baby, don't cry,' Sihtric tried to hush you, 'you… you can wear beanies?'

'Baby, it's fucking summer!' you cried out, 'I… I can't hide this. Everyone,' you scoffed lightly, 'everyone will fucking stare at me, and they'll know. They'll just know and they will fucking stare and they will pity me. And I don't want any fucking pity!'

Sihtric sighed and looked at you. He honestly thought you were still breathtaking, and he hated the fact you were worried people would stare at you and treat you differently once they saw you without your long locks.

'I'll give them something to fucking stare at,' Sihtric huffed and switched on the hairclipper. And before you could even react or stop him, he started shaving his head.

'Baby, no!' you gasped, but it was already too late. You expected him to shave it all off, just like you, but he didn't, and he stopped almost halfway up his head.

'There,' Sihtric said as he rubbed one hand over his freshly shaved side and raked his other hand through the curls he had kept, 'that'll give them something to stare at.'

****************

You had gotten used to Sihtric's haircut rather fast, and you thought it actually looked really hot and you said he should keep it. He told you he might, and said he loved the way you looked too, and wouldn't mind it if you would shave your hair off again in the future some day. But you said you probably wouldn't.

About a month has passed since your chemo and your surgery was scheduled for tomorrow.

'You know,' you said as you picked at your dinner, 'you should pick up your training again, Sihtric.'

'I will when you are healed.'

'No, babe,' you smiled softly, 'don't neglect what you worked so hard for because of all this. You can still do your own things while I recover. In fact, it… it would be good for you to pick up your regular life again too.'

'My life isn't regular right now!' Sihtric raised his voice and slammed his fork down. Then he buried his face in his hands, trying to control his anger and stress about your surgery tomorrow. 'I'm sorry, baby,' he said softly and took your hand, 'I… I can't focus on anything else but you. Picking up my training would probably only do more damage as I will fight with anger, without thinking straight.'

'I understand,' you said, 'but I will have to stay over in the hospital for at least a few nights. I need to know you will be okay on your own.'

'But I'm not going back home,' Sihtric scoffed, 'I will stay with you.'

'No, you can't-'

'I'm not leaving you alone in the hospital!'

'I don't know if that's a possibility, Sihtric.'

'I will not leave you,' he said again.

And you stopped arguing, because you knew he meant well. So you kissed his lips and his bruised knuckles, which you had already told him off about earlier.

****************

'You got everything?' Sihtric asked, just before he was about to drive you to the hospital.

'Yeah.'

'Actually,' Sihtric said and took your hand before you could walk out the front door, 'there's something…,' he reached into his hoodie and suddenly got down on one knee, 'I… I know this is not the… there's nothing romantic about this. And I'm sorry, but I- I couldn't let you leave without… without knowing if you- you will marry me?'

Sihtric held up a ring to you. You were stunned and started to cry, again.

'Of course I will,' you blubbered as Sihtric slipped the ring on your finger and kissed you while you both cried.

'I will marry you as soon as all of this is dealt with,' Sihtric promised.

***************

'What do you mean I can't stay the night!?' Sihtric said, heated.

'I'm sorry, sir, but your girlfriend-' your doctor tried to speak.

'Fiancé!'

'... F-fiancé needs to rest. She will be allowed to have visitors between 10 and 2 tomorrow.'

'So I can't even see her now?!'

'I'm sorry. The surgery went well but due to the chemo that affected her body she will need rest now.'

'No… no, I want to see her,' Sihtric scoffed, 'you can't keep me from seeing my fiancé!'

'Sir, I will have you removed if you will not listen. I am sorry. I understand this is very hard to hear-'

'What the fuck do you possibly understand about this?' Sihtric spat as he towered over the doctor.

Sihtric was ready to throw a punch, but then he remembered you had told him to behave, even if he wasn't allowed to be near you, which you had expected. You said that if he would make a scene, he wouldn't be allowed to see you at all anymore until you came home, and you didn't know when that was.

'Fine!' Sihtric snarled, 'I'll just wait here then!'

'You can't…' the doctor tried, but gave up.

Sihtric threw his jacket on the floor, next to the door to your room. He sat down, crossed his arms, and looked up at the doctor with a clenched jaw.

'Savages,' the doctor muttered, 'all of them fighters are savages.' He threw his hands up as he shook his head and walked away.

And Sihtric would wait. He slept on the floor in the hallway, while it was actually not allowed, but the poor old man that was the night security guard didn't dare to wake him up and send him home.

*************

You had been awake for hours already but had no idea Sihtric was right outside your door, as he was not allowed in and no one had told you about his presence. So when you suddenly heard some commotion outside at 10 in the morning, you were a little startled.

'No, you said ten! It's ten now!' Sihtric said as the doctor tried to stop him from storming in your room at exactly 10 in the morning.

'Sihtric?' you frowned as he suddenly barged in with a panicked doctor behind him.

'Baby,' Sihtric said as he ran to you, immediately tearing up and he grabbed your face to kiss you.

You weren't sure if you felt dizzy because of the meds in your system or because the way he kissed you was incredibly arousing at that moment, but you enjoyed it all the same.

'You look rough,' you smiled when you looked at him.

'Yeah, they made me sleep on the floor,' Sihtric said as he glanced over his shoulder at the doctor, who threw his hands up in defence.

'What?' you scoffed lightly, 'but- but why didn't you just go home?'

The doctor huffed, 'that's what I sug-'

'And leave you?' Sihtric interrupted the doctor, 'never.'

**************

After a few days of hospital food you finally got to go home. Sihtric, who never left the hospital either before your release, drove you home while he looked worse than you. Back home, you showered together and he carefully helped you take care of the wound you had after your surgery, and he would continue to do so until it was all healed up.

'Would you not mind it if... the scar...'

'Baby,' Sihtric said, 'you think I will care that you have a scar? Have you seen my face?'

**************

'Darling,' Sihtric said a few weeks after the surgery, 'the guys have been texting me non-stop. They want to come over and see you. Are you up for that?'

'Of course,' you smiled. You slowly but surely started to regain your strength the past few days and felt more like yourself again.

'Can I invite them over tonight?'

'Sure.'

'We can order pizza and watch a movie. You want that, honey? You can pick whatever you want to watch.'

'I don't mind, Sihtric,' you chuckled, 'everything's fine with me.'

Sihtric had absolutely spoiled you since you came home again. Not a day went by that he wouldn't surprise you with flowers, balloons, teddy bears, of which you had about 12 by now, or simply with your favourite food or drink. He cleaned the house, did the laundry, he cooked, everything was fine with him, as long as you could just sit back and relax. And when you craved something at midnight but didn't have it in the house, he'd use his contacts to get it as fast as possible. He did everything for you, whatever you wanted.

Sihtric was also more than happy to please you when your sex drive slowly but surely came back again. And he was as good with his mouth and tongue as he was with his hands and fingers. You weren't fully ready yet to have sex with him, but you did obviously long to see and hear him being pleased as well, but he wouldn't let you do anything on him right now, not until you were fully recovered, because you were still tired rather fast.

'What if… what if I just kiss you, and you… you know…'

'Jerk off?' Sihtric grinned, 'yeah, that'll work for me.'

That problem was solved rather quickly. It became an almost daily routine you both enjoyed, and you even had to clean yourself up fast, minutes before Sihtric's friends came over.

You opened the front door and were greeted by Uhtred, who held (another) gigantic teddy bear, Finan, who held a couple of balloons, and Osferth, who held a large bouquet of pink roses. They all hugged you and shed a tear. They hadn't seen you or Sihtric since this all had started, as Sihtric had isolated himself completely to take care of you.

'You look good,' Uhtred smiled, 'the bald look actually looks great.'

'Right?' you laughed, 'I got used to it. But I can't wait to have my long hair back again.'

'And you will look just as pretty,' Finan smiled.

'You are beautiful no matter what,' Osferth blushed as he handed you the roses.

'Thank you,' you chuckled as you heard Sihtric enter the hallway and the men all cheered.

'There he is!' Uhtred smiled, 'finally.'

'What happened to your hair, mate?' Finan snorted.

Sihtric had kept his half shaved cut, simply because you had fallen in love with it. You told the men about the day your hair fell out, and what Sihtric had done. And after that, they all sniffled and didn't dare to say another word about Sihtric's hair anymore.

'Oh, he also proposed,' you suddenly said.

'What?!' they all yelled, after which they pulled you both in for a group hug and cried again. They were such softies, all of them.

You all sat in the living room as you waited for the pizzas to be delivered. Sihtric had pulled you in his lap and kept his arms tightly around your waist as he nuzzled your neck and cheek ever so often, and planted soft pecks whenever he could. Sihtric never shied away from displaying his affection when others were around, but he definitely became even more affectionate after your sickness. Sihtric still struggled to talk about everything, so he simply focused on you. And you told the guys everything that had happened since Sihtric had left for the fight. You all shed a tear when you told them why you had cried during the video call that one evening, and you all laughed when you said how Sihtric had gotten his foot stuck in the birdhouse.

'He promised he'd built me a new one,' you reminded him, to which you all laughed.

'I will, in time. I promise,' Sihtric whispered in your ear as Uhtred jumped up to open the door for the pizzas. You all ate and joked around before you moved to sit on the large couch together to watch a movie; Bambi. Uhtred sat on the far left, next to him was Sihtric, then Finan, and Osferth sat on the far right. It was a large couch, but they sat shoulder to shoulder.

'I guess I'll sit on the floor,' you joked as you saw there was no more space.

'No!' they all shouted, and Sihtric pulled you towards him. You sat half on Uhtred's and Sihtric's lap, while your legs rested on Finan and Osferth their thighs. And like that, surrounded by your favourite pretty boys, you had the best night in months because it all felt almost back to normal again. Which you needed, and Sihtric too. And as the home you lived in with Sihtric was rather large, the guys all stayed the night too.

The next morning you found the four guys in your backyard as they were building a new birdhouse from scratch. You wanted to offer them coffee, but Osferth came running and turned you around, saying you couldn't see the house yet. Sihtric followed behind Osferth to give you a quick kiss and to walk you back inside.

Hours later they yelled at you from the backyard and presented you with your new, one of a kind, birdhouse. You weren't sure how a bird would be able to get in the house, but at least Sihtric's foot would also not fit in the tiny opening either.

**************

It would take a while before you would be considered fully cured. But many, many months had passed since your surgery, and you were feeling pretty much back to normal again. Your hair had been growing again too, and it had gotten to a nice length, which Sihtric was absolutely smitten by as he found out he could braid your hair. He braided it the same way as his hair was braided during his fights, and he almost passed out when he saw how it looked on you. He loved it so much, he actually proposed again.

And speaking about proposals, you were about to get married. You and Sihtric decided to not wait any longer, as you had said you were feeling as good as "normal" again.

The wedding was small and intimate, in a cosy venue and only your close friends and family were present. Sihtric had grabbed onto Finan, his best man, because he was almost going to faint when he saw you walking down the aisle, with your hair braided, wearing a beautiful long dress and a smile on your face. Sihtric started sobbing the moment he took your hands, which caused you to cry too, and then everyone cried, so it was all a mess. But the best kind of mess.

You couldn't believe you were able to dance and party all night again, and you made the most of it, with your ridiculously handsome husband. And after the party, when everyone went home, Sihtric took you to a fancy hotel suite he had booked for the wedding night. And that night was the first time you had sex again, after everything that had happened. And it was the most incredible sex of your life, which you thought was pretty impressive, as it had always been good with Sihtric before. And the next morning, you'd have sex with him again. In bed, in the hottub, and on the floor. And you knew then that you were finally fully feeling like yourself again.

You couldn't possibly have a better start to your wedded life, and you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with Sihtric; your husband, your fighter and, which you would soon find out, the father of your first child. And Sihtric had been right all along, you would live happily ever after, just like Bambi.

*************

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @chompchompluke @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx

[DM to be added to/removed from taglist! & don’t be shy to like, reblog & comment!🖤]

#sihtric x you #sihtric x reader #the last kingdom fic #sihtric fic #sihtric kjartansson #the last kingdom #sihtric #tlk #modern!sihtric

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vodika-vibes · 6 months

Note

Vodika, my love, I answered my own question and decided to come back for more.

Can I get "Squeezing their hand reassuringly and holding their hand throughout an intense social situation" with Fives?

Except, instead of a social situation, can it be a scary doctor appointment? I recently had to go to the doctor to get a mysterious lump checked out, and I was terrified. I wanted someone to be there with me so badly, but alas, I am a single pringle.

Please and thank you 💚 (maybe one more)

@the-bad-batch-baroness

Stressful Appointments

Summary: When you have to attend a scary doctor's appointment, Fives promises to be there, no matter what.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Fives x Reader

Word Count: 606

Warning: Medical stuff...but there's no details

Tagging: @trixie2023

A/N: I can't even imagine. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in the middle of covid when I was living in Europe, she had to tell me over facebook messenger, and I broke down and cried for like 15 minutes after I got off the phone with her. So this one's a little short, because it hits a little too close to home, sorry.

Divider by Saradika

“You need to relax, cyare.” Fives says quietly, as he tugs you against his side, and pulls your head to his shoulder, “You’re spiraling, lovely.”

“I know, I know.” You nervously twist you comm between your fingers, over and over again, “Fives, what if-”

“Hey, hey. No.” He lightly taps your chin with one finger, and you turn to look up at him, “We’re not doing any what-ifs, cyare.”

“But-”

“No buts,” He smiles soothingly and lightly tugs on a strand of your hair., “There is no point in wondering what-ifs when we haven’t even spoken to your doctor yet.”

You worry your lower lip, and Fives sighs and rubs his thumb across your lip, to stop you, “I know you’re worried, love.” He says softly, “But you’re just going to make yourself sick if you don’t relax, just a little.”

His hand moves to cup your cheek, and you close your eyes and lean into his touch. And for a moment, you’re able to forget that you’re sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office.

“There we go,” Fives’ voice is low and soothing, “I’m here, cyare. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“Even if it’s bad news?” You ask, your voice slightly shaky.

“Especially then.” He continues lightly smoothing his thumb across your cheek, “Will you look at me, cyare?”

You open your eyes and look up at him. His smile is warm and soft and so very loving, that for a moment you want to cry.

“I love you,” Fives whispers, as though his words are for you and you alone.

You sniffle, “I love you too.” You rub your eyes roughly, trying to force the moisture away, “I’m just scared.”

“I know, cyare. But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right there next to you, regardless of what the doctor says.” Fives promises.

A shaky smile crosses your face, “I don’t deserve you,” You whisper, as you reach up and cup his face.

“Tough, because I chose you, and I’m going to keep choosing you.” Fives leans in and chastely kisses your nose, “Besides, you were right there with me when I got my chip removed, how could I offer you anything less than what you gave me?”

“That was different-” You say quietly.

“Not to me.” He kisses your cheek and then your temple, “And when we get out of here, I’ll buy you an ice cream.”

You lean heavily against him, “Can we get lunch instead? We can make a day out of it.”

“Mm. That sounds fun.” Fives agrees as he brushes some of your hair out of your face, “We can hit up that cafe you like so much.”

“The one with the fancy bread?”

“That’s the one,” He replies with a small smile.

You tilt your head, “And then we can get ice cream?” You ask hopefully.

He laughs, “Yes, you spoiled thing, then we can get ice cream.” He leans in and kisses you gently, and you sigh into the kiss. Though, when your name is called by the nurse, you tense again.

Fives takes your hand, and squeezes your fingers, “Come on, cyare. Let’s get this over with, hm?”

You look up at him, and nod slowly. “Yeah. Okay.” Yet let him pull you to your feet, and you smile up at him as he kisses your joined fingers. “You’re staying, right?” You ask, just to make sure.

“Oh, cyare. Count Dooku himself couldn’t make me leave.” Fives promises with a sharp grin. And all of the tension drains from your body once more. If Fives says so, than it’s true, as simple as that.

#star wars #tcw #arc trooper fives x reader #fives x reader #x reader fanfiction #star wars fanfiction

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theageofsims · 2 months

Text

Hey guys, sorry I've been away. I had an ear that was bothering me when I was building that fast food place. Stayed with it for two weeks, then went to the walk-in.

They flushed my ear out (first time had that happen), had no infection either. But my blood pressure was sky high. They checked it 3 times and told me I needed to go to the hospital.

Long story short, today I was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure and Diabetes.

Mentally I'm really struggling to take everything in, but my mother's been a diabetic for 33 years so I know all about it growing up and also living with my mom since my parents divorced (way back then).

Some may know my dad passed away from stomach cancer about a year and a half ago. It's been hard dealing with that, amongst other things in my life, and now I've got more to deal with.

I'll be fine, but sometimes when I get very stressed with stuff in life I end up forgetting to take care of myself the way I should.

I'm still around and all, but I'm afraid of a lot of things. My mom is this strong as hell independent chick since the moment I came into this world 36 years ago -- hell, since she had my brother 43 years ago. Maybe even long before that. She keeps telling me I've got to be strong and I know she's right.

I feel like the older I get the more worried I become about things. Losing my dad didn't make it any better, but I'll manage to handle that as best as I can.

Thankfully (and unfortunately) diabetes for me genetically plays a part, but I also love home cooked meals and healthy foods, I just got carried away with everything else I shouldn't have been eating or drinking and I stopped working where I was for 10 years that kept me on my feet and doing 10,000 steps a day.

I already hate myself or beat myself up for a week already, but I know I shouldn't do that. Anybody can get high blood pressure and/or diabetes no matter if they're a health nut or they aren't. Regardless of how much they way as well.

I really wish I could call my dad up and say hey, dad! Like I normally would. Chat with him about anything and everything, including tech stuff (since he worked as an IT guy for 30 years), or even Harrison Ford being in a new movie since he loved watching him in movies, too -- but I can't. I think a lot of me being afraid is because I haven't got my dad reassuring me when I need it the most.

I'm usually someone who doesn't feel down. I guess I've spent so many years just holding the stress inside or hiding it because I never wanted help or someone to ask me how I was doing -- and there's been a lot of stresses since I was 15 years old.

I'm pretty down now though. I pretty much just wonder how I got where I am and how much of it was my fault and how much wasn't.

Since I left my job two years ago, nothing has gone right in my life. My dad got sick with stomach cancer and then he died within 5 months. I am struggling to make my small handmade business work. There are other family issues going on indirectly to me, but are in my immediate family so I am around the stress and trying to help others deal with it, and now I've got my health to deal with and worry about.

I know I'm not the only one either. I knew what I would be diagnosed with, but I didn't say it. I've been checking my blood pressure and pricking my finger to check my sugar level for a whole week on my mother's machines. But I wanted to wait until after my appointment today with my new PCP who I will be seeing regularly now, which will also hopefully help calm my fear of doctors (I've had every day of my life since birth -- took 5 nurses to hold me down once JUST to get a culture test for strep throat. When I say all my life -- I mean, ALL my life.)

Anyway, I shouldn't be upset and I sure as hell shouldn't cry because Lord knows I've been crying so many tears for awhile now, but right now I've got blurred vision from crying as I write this post and hope the eye doctor I have to go see since I have diabetes, doesn't tell me that I've damaged my eyes for good.

Anyway, if you read this -- thanks for reading this. I know I pretty much stick to Sims stuff all the time sprinkled in with my favorite movies / actors and not things like this, but I guess I just need some support because I never really had any my whole life and never thought I'd need it -- but I'm human like everyone else and I suppose, after all of this, I do need it.

#blurb

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gh0stlyfixation · 1 year

Text

The love of us

Part two

Paring: Simon x reader, mentions of König

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: smut, MDNI! Thigh riding, not implied but consensual actions. Drinking, swearing. Things kinda move quickly.

Part of “The love of us” series, part one - part three

I’ve never written smut so I hope it’s okay🥹

König had been sent out on a mission in his home country while Simon was left back enjoying his leave. It’s been a day since that appointment and Simon received a message that his results are in, “everything looks good! Your cholesterol is a little bit high but it’s expected when your diet is red meats only! Have a good day!” The message read. It’s true, he loves his steaks, it’s all König cooks for him. “Maybe I’ll add in more chicken,” Simon says to himself as he parks his car at the base's office parking lot.

Simon sees a shiny black BMW pull up, the windows are tinted and the engine is loud, but a pretty sounding loud. They must make lots of money. That’s when he sees a pair of heels step out of the car, a leg showing, and then he looks up at the person's face, it’s you.

Your wearing a black pencil skirt with a light blue blouse tucked in, and black heels to match. Your hair was up in a messy bun and glasses on your face, and no makeup on. He sees you place your purse over your shoulder and that’s when he realizes he’s staring at you because you look over and give him a wave, “Hi Ghost!” You smile.

FUCK! She’s smiling at me! He waved back smiling at you but she couldn’t see it through his mask, she sees the face shift under it.

She walked over to him, her heels clicking, fuck she looked good. As she gets closer he sees a diamond ring band on her right ring finger, almost looks like a wedding band, was she married? Simon thinks, no it would be on her left finger if so. “Call me Simon.” he tells you.

You nod and smile, “Good to see you again! Where’s König?” You asked him, seeming a little disappointed he wasn’t around.

“What? I’m not enough to talk with?” He teased.

“What! I-” you stuttered

He chuckled, “relax, I’m just teasing you. He’s out on a mission in Germany, also seeing some family members.” He said.

“Oh, why didn’t you go with him? To see his family?” You asked as the both of you walked to the building. Simon was surprised you knew of his relationship. Maybe word got around to you, “my nurse informed me, plus it was how you and him interacted that gave it away. I think you both are cute together.” You explained, surprising him more.

“Oh, well, his family isn’t too supportive so to ease the tension I don’t go. What about you? Do you have a partner?” He asked, casually trying to see what the band was about.

“Oh, um, no. But I was married.” You sighed, “he passed away a few months back before I moved here.” You say.

Simon felt bad for asking, he was mentally kicking himself, “how if I may ask?” He asked. He felt stupid again for asking such personal questions

You didn’t mind though. You didn’t have any friends here and it felt nice talking about this to someone, “cancer, stage 4 and aggressive.” You told him walking into your little office. You set your purse down and point at the picture of him, "that’s him a few days before he passed.” You said. Simon leaned down to look at the photo.

“I’m sorry for asking. I wouldn’t have if I knew it was such a bad history.” He spoke up looking at you.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t have any friends here so it’s nice talking to you.” You pathetically say.

How can you have no friends, or at least acquaintances in two months, “you have me and König, I know he likes you a lot.” Simon says. You scoff playfully and put on your white coat and grab a mirror to put mascara on.

“What do you do with your friends?” You asked.

“Drink with the boys, we don’t have many girlfriends.” Simon says.

“I like to drink.” You said.

“Want to get one tonight then?”

—

Simon picked you up from your apartment a few hours ago, you skipped out to his car wearing a sundress and you were now 6 drinks and 2 shots in, you were plastered. “This is so fun,” you giggled.

Simon was able to pace himself, and learned that you could not. Simon smiled at you through his mask, “is it?” He asked

“I bet you're cute under that mask, why do you wear it?” You asked pinching the mask around his cheek feeling how thick it was, “doesn’t it get hot?” You ask him ignoring the first question. “I bet you have more.” You continued. He chuckled at your actions and words, “oh, what about König? Man’s huge. He's hot, your hot too. Like two tall men? Hell yes. Fuck I’m speaking too much, where are my fries?” You said walking back to the bar and asking for your fries that were never ordered.

But Simon sat still at your confession, maybe she’s just too drunk. But she’s also said so much truth about herself, she can’t be lying.

Simon quickly sent König a message with a picture of you at the bar demanding your fries, “she’s just admitted that we're hot because we're tall. Also demanding fries.”

König messaged quickly, “fuck you managed to get a date with her in less than 48 hours of knowing her?” Completely ignoring that fact she called him hot.

Simon looked up and saw you demanding the fries you never ordered, Simon stands up to grab you from the bar, “come on, I’ll get you some fries on the way home.” He said.

“Okay!” You giggled forgetting about the bartender. You grasped his hand and Simon melts at this, you holding his hand, it's so tiny compared to his.

You skip into the parking lot pulling him with you, you hear simons phone ring. You keep moving as Simon struggles to get his phone from his pocket.

“Yeah?” He asked with a sigh not looking at the ID.

“Hello to you too. You ignored my message Liebling.” König said.

“Woo!” You yelled as you jumped.

Simon sighed again as you let go of him and ran to his car, “she’s a literal child when she drinks. I had to pry her away from the bar, she was demanding fries so much the bartender was getting frustrated.” Simon said as he unlocked his car for you to sit.

“She called us hot?” König asked him

“She said and I quote ‘man’s huge.’ About you and then said you were hot and that I was hot because we were two tall men.” Simon said with a stifled laugh.

König chuckled, “keep winning her over. Not sure when I’ll be home, unfortunately. My sister says hi by the way.” He says.

His sister was the only one who supported Simon and König, “tell her the same. I’m about to go now, I love you.” Simon said softly with a smile.

“I love you too,” and he hung up.

“Was that König?” You asked with your seatbelt on ready to go.

“Yes, he was asking about you.” Simon told you.

“Oh,” you say suddenly getting shy and quiet. Simon smiled at your reaction.

He placed a hand on your thigh and you tensed at the action but continued to smile, “no need to be shy, little girl.” Simon spoke.

Little girl, he called me a little girl, “I am anything but a little girl.” You pouted crossing your arms and making your breast squeeze together.

Simon looked over at you and noticed your pouting lips, god you looked hot, he thinks. You see him staring at you, and you do it back, you wanted to pounce on him.

And that’s exactly what you do. You quickly unbuckle your seat belt and push his mask just above his lips and grab his cheeks and pull him towards you and crash on his lips. Simon had no time to react and he knows it was your drunk impulsion to make you do this but he didn’t have it in him to tell you to stop. You both fight for dominance, you winning and sticking your tongue in his mouth grazing his. Simon placed his hands on your waist and hoist you up over the center console onto his lap not breaking contact.

You moan when he rubs your waist, everything feels 10x better, hotter. You only imagine if König was here, watching you both. You grow wet at the thought but pull away for some air. You place your hands on Simon's chest and unknowingly start rocking your hips on his clothed thigh, he doesn’t stop you.

You had control, something Simon doesn’t give away easily but he wasn’t going to do anything to you but kiss and watch, you were drunk. It felt so wrong but so right. You trusted him that much he knew.

You whined when Simon held you down by the waist, “that feel good pretty girl?” He cooed.

You nodded frantically placing your hands on his shoulders. He could feel the wetness seeping through his jeans, “s’good.” You moan going fast throwing your head back.

“You gonna make a mess on me? Come on darling, show me what you got.” He said.

You squeeze your eyes shut feeling your orgasm coming quickly, “I’m gonna cum!” You say before grabbing his face again and kissing him hard. He kisses back just has hard, helping you move.

“Ah-oh fuck Si!” He forces you through your orgasm as you jerked on him. You leaned your head against his forehead, suddenly sobar.

You hadn’t orgasmed in over a year, it felt so good. “You okay pretty girl?” He asked softly pushing some of your hair back and separating your faces to gauge how you felt.

“So okay,” you sigh with a smile. “Was that okay? I didn’t ask for permission, I kinda just did it.” You ask worriedly.

“It’s more than okay. A suprise for sure.” He says with a smile. You can see his smile for the first time.

“You have a pretty smile. I bet your face is even prettier.” You say trying to get him to take it off.

Simon thought hard about it. Only König gets to see his face and the outside world. He wears a mask to keep his identity hidden during work and combat. Not because he’s ugly as Soap so kindly asked.

“I want you to know only special people get to see it.” He told you.

“Oh,” you frown looking down, suddenly feeling stupid. Simon puts a finger under your chin and lifts your head back up to see his mask is long gone.

“And you are special.” He finishes as you look over his face, handsome, you think.

“I was right.” You said with a smile kissing him.

Then you remember König, you just came all over his boyfriend, and you get worried again. You get off Simon and sit in the passenger seat putting distance from you both, “what’s wrong?” Simon ask. His face grows in confusion.

“I just came all over you!” You exclaim.

Simon smirks, “yeah you did, and?” He ask.

“König is your boyfriend! You just cheated!” You say in disbelief.

“Trust me, if he was here, you’d be coming again but on his thigh.” Simon points out smirking more at you.

“What?” You asked, your eyes wide.

“We’ve been looking for a third party in our relationship. König and me have been smitten with you since we met you.” Simon confesses.

“You met me yesterday? And I was less then interesting yesterday.” You spoke with a scoff not knowing how to take this information.

“König liked your smile.” Simon says trying to make you feel better.

“Oh,” you said sitting up a little bit straighter. “And you?” You ask crossing your arms again.

“Your eyes.” He says to you while looking in at them.

You get shy once again, “let’s get you home. I know your going to be feeling a headache.” He spoke.

You nodded and looked down at his thigh, a damp dark spot shows and his cock bulging in his pants. You suddenly feel guilty, god damn, so many emotions! You thought.

“Don't worry about me, pretty girl.” He says as he notices your gaze. You wonder how big he is. He’s got to be massive. “Stop thinking about it,” Simon says. You instantly look away as Simon drives away to your home with a smile.

I’m fucked, you thought.

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lovelyleclercs · 1 year

Text

Chapter Two- You Can't Hide This Forever

Arthur Leclerc x Sofia Sine

-> Sofia doesn't want to tell Arthur the truth, especially after he gets emotional over a movie scene.

word count: 1581

warnings: Mentions of cancer + I wrote this at like 3am and didn't read through it so I'm sorry if its complete chaos lol

A/N: This is a small little baby chapter that wasn't apart of the original storyline, however I wanted to write something about Charlotte finding out that Sofia is sick.

Sofia had seven days to figure out how she was going to bring up her diagnosis to her sister Charlotte. Seven whole days to figure out what the proper way to tell her would be. Seven days of bracing herself for the emotions that might overtake her the moment she says the three words she dreaded the most for the first time. Yet all she could do was hand her the paperwork from her doctor’s visit.

Charlotte took the paperwork from Sofia’s hands and glanced through the first couple of pages before landing on the fourth page where the word cancer caught her eye. She paused for a moment, reading the sentence over and over again. After nearly five minutes of silence, she finally put the paperwork down on the counter and looked up at you. “How are you feeling about this?”

Charlotte’s words hit Sofia like a truck. As she picked at the skin around her finger nail, she looked at the window and sighed. “Devastated, confused, scared, stressed, sick… I don’t know” she said quietly as she felt tears well in her eyes. “I’ve been sitting alone in this apartment for the past seven days trying to understand how this could happen to me. How I have done everything possible in my lifetime to be as healthy as possible and yet here I am, twenty years old getting diagnosed with cancer…”

Charlotte sighed and sat down beside Sofia, not really knowing how to respond to her comments. “Life just sucks sometimes, sissy. It’s the way it goes…”

Sofia nodded and wiped her tears away. “Dr. M wants me to start treatment immediately so my first appointment is tomorrow.”

Charlotte sighed and looked at Sofia with sorrow written all over her face. “I fly out to Italy early tomorrow morning with Charles for a sponsorship event, but maybe Arthur could go with you?”

Sofia smiled sadly and shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine. I’d rather go alone.”

Charlotte looked at Sofia and sighed, knowing all too well that the real reason she didn’t want Arthur to tag along is because she didn’t want to tell Arthur her diagnosis. “You can’t hide this from him forever, Sof. He deserves to know, he is your best friend…”

“I understand that, Char but if I tell him he is going to want to quit racing to be by my side 24/7 and I can’t have him do that. Not when he finally got to F2, not when he promised Herve he would race in F1 someday, not when my diagnosis is so similar to Herve’s…”

Just as she was about to continue her sentence, she noticed Charles was standing behind her. She had no idea that he had somehow managed to sneak in without notice, but she knew that he had heard everything she just said.

“You have cancer?” he asked quietly, almost in disbelief that someone he loved was going through this all over again. Charles had already lost two important people at a young age, he couldn’t bear the idea of losing a third.

Sofia nodded slightly, unable to make eye contact with him anymore. “I found out last week”

Charles sat down in the empty chair next to Charlotte and put his hand on her thigh, knowing that this was probably hard on her too. “When does your treatment start?”

“Tomorrow”

“Arthur can take you, he wanted to come visit you tomorrow anyways”

“No. I don’t want arthur to know i’m sick”

“Sof, you two never keep anything from each other… if he finds out that you’re hiding this from him, he’s going to be devastated…”

Sofia stared out the window. Everything that both Charles and Charlotte had said were true. Arthur was your best friend, he would in fact be devastated if he found out you were hiding this from him and yes indeed he deserved to know. The whole conversation was making your head spin. That familiar dizziness came back as your mind continued to repeat Charlotte’s words.

You can’t hide this from him forever, Sof.

He’ll be devastated if he finds out you kept this from him.

He deserves to know the truth.

He’s your best friend.

When Sofia felt two familiar arms wrap around her, she practically burst into tears. It was Arthur, she could tell without even opening her eyes. She knew his hugs like the back of her hand. Arthur looked at both Charlotte and Charles, extremely confused as to why Sofia was sobbing in his arms. The two of them shrugged at Arthur, knowing that it wasn’t their place to tell him what was going on. “Sof? Are you ok?”

Sofia wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face into the crook of his neck. She had no idea how badly she needed his comfort all week until this moment. He was the only person who could comfort her during her worst moments, and the only person who could make her laugh until she cried in her best moments. She knew that she needed to tell him- that going through this healing journey would be impossible without him- but was telling him going to be the right decision?

Arthur’s voice very quickly snapped Sofia out of her thoughts. “Come on, Sof. Let’s get you upstairs and into bed, ok? I’ll order us a pizza and we can watch a movie and eat some pizza like we used to do back in our karting days.”

Sofia nodded, knowing that spending some time with Arthur was much needed. Arthur grabbed her hand and walked with her up the stairs, opening the door to her room, allowing her to go in first like he always did. When Sofia stepped into her room, she very quickly realized how messy it was. Tissues everywhere, clothes thrown around, and a few plates and cups from the few meals she had eaten throughout the week were scattered around her room. It was very unusual of her to have such a messy room as she was usually a neat freak, but this past week had proved to be too exhausting for her to even care.

Without any hesitation, Arthur began picking up her room while she changed. He knew where everything went as she had watched her clean her room several times. When Sofia had finished getting changed, she came out of her bathroom and found her bedroom to be completely spotless with no signs of Arthur anywhere. Sofia couldn’t help but smile a little, relieved that she got to go to sleep in a clean room for the first time in eight days. She climbed into bed, tucking herself in under the covers while she waited for Arthur.

Nearly thirty minutes had passed and part of her wondered if he was even coming back. However only a few more minutes had passed before Arthur walked into her bedroom with a pizza box, two plates and napkins, as well as two coca-colas. Sofia sat up a little and smiled at him. “Thank you for cleaning up in here, you really didn’t have to do that. You also didn’t have to buy pizza, so thanks for doing that too.”

Arthur smiled and sat down beside you, pulling the covers over himself before opening the pizza box. “You’ve clearly had a rough week, it was the least I could do for you. How many slices do you want?”

“Just one, please. I’m not that hungry right now”

Arthur nodded and placed a piece onto both of your plates before setting the box on the nightstand. Sofia handed Arthur the remote, indicating to him that she wanted him to choose the movie. Sofia watched as he scrolled through several movies before finally landing on one.

A Walk to Remember.

Sofia leaned back, knowing very well that this movie used to be one of her absolute favorites, however right now, it was probably the one movie on their list that she didn’t want to watch. Sofia had made it through the first part of the movie just fine, eventually she had cuddled up to Arthur like she typically did during a movie. Arthur wrapped his arm around her, not taking his eyes off the screen once.

The scene where Jamie tells Landon that she was sick had started and Sofia felt like it was a punch to the stomach. Soon enough, she was going to have to do what Jamie did and tell the one person that mattered most to her in this world that she was sick. She heard Arthur sniffle, making her look up at him. There were tears in his eyes. Arthur had never cried at this movie before, he always would make fun of Sofia for balling her eyes out, so when she noticed his tears, she grew confused. “Art? Are you ok?”

“I’m sorry it’s just… I can’t imagine if you ever… got sick like that you know?”

“Art I-”

“I know I know. The chances of you getting cancer are very slim and you’re ok, you’ll be fine. It's just.. What if? You know?”

Without saying another word, Sofia just nodded and rested her head back onto his chest. Every part of her wanted to tell Arthur that she was sick, that she did have cancer and she was scared. Seeing Arthur’s reaction to even just the idea of her being sick absolutely broke her. There was no way she could tell him now, right?

Chapter Three

Tag List: @hammick @Cl16msc47 @majkaftorek @04asheley16 @itsrogersstuff

#arthur leclerc #arthur leclerc fanfic #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc imagine #f1 imagine #f2 imagine #f3 imagine #arthur leclerc fluff

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k4katsujin · 6 months

Text

on the verge of dying falling

🦕miguel x reader

authors note: HENLO MY LOVES I MISSED YOU SM ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE I DIDN'T POST ANY WORK IM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY BE BACK

author's note 2: i pet a dog today. life? completed.

author's note 3: does that mean my mental health is better? probably not. but we up 🗣‼️

author's note 4: i physically hurt myself while writing this. also dedicated to @unabashedcroissanttreefan (ly pookie wifey)

synopsis: he's on the verge of dying. you're the hq nurse who healed him. you saved him,but it seems he wants something more from you.

content: miguel x gender neutral reader (though fem reader was in mind), reader is hq's nurse, mention of dying, hospital talk, ooc miguel? injury and angst

“Lyla, do you have any tips for migraines?” asked Miguel,

- I don’t, she replies with a smile, but I have to remind you you have to go to the nursery for your weekly check-up.

-Do I really have to go? Asked Miguel with a pout. You know they scare me and -

-Seriously? You’re fighting anomalies all year long and you’re scared of a little check-up? (she laughs) you’re really strange.

- I know but-

-No buts! I booked you an appointment at 2:30pm!

-It’s no fair (he does the same pout as he did before) why don’t you have to go?

- That’s the perk of having no physical body! (she winks) plus I heard they’re super nice!”

While Lyla and Miguel waited for their appointment, you were doing some stuff in your office. Once 2:30pm arrived, you head a gentle knock on your door.

“-Hello! Is this your first time there? You ask with a smile. I don’t remember seeing you there. Lyla told me you’d come but she didn’t tell me your name. You are?

- I’m hum, I’m Miguel O'Hara. He stutters, uncertain.

-Nice to meet you then! (you smile as you wave his hand, check your files and notice he never came to the supposedly mandatory weekly check-ups.) No wonder why I never saw you there! You exclaim on a light-hearted tone. So-

-No need to worry about that! He hurries. I just came there because of my migraines, they’re pretty frequent and-

-Oh! You cut him off. It’s simple, you just have to take this! (you hand him a little box of painkillers.) But if I were you, I’d be careful as frequent migraines can be a sign of early stage brain cancer. So I’d recommend you to do a full body check up, so that we could notice (déceler) some tumors. But if you want to go, I’m not forcing you to stay!

The desperate look Miguel gave you made you understand he was willing to stay.

-Do we really have to do this? He uncertainly asked as you got him laying down on a dentist chair.

-Yes! You say as you put on a surgeon mask. A full body check-up isn’t a full body one if I don’t check your teeth too! Now open wide!

A few moments go by as you inspect his teeth, when all of a sudden you feel a sharp jolt of pain go through your hand.

-I’m sorry! Miguel hurried, I didn’t mean to do that!

- It’s fine don’t worry! You reassure him as you put a bandage on your hand where he bit you. At least I found the issue! If your head hurt so much it was simply because your teeth are moving.

- So the whole brain cancer thing was a lie?

-Partly, but I told you this because weekly check-ups are important! You say as you pout lightly. I was starting to think you never came because you hated me… Anyway, can you please fill in this? It’s a medical about me sheet! The more honest and accurate you will be, the better I will be able to heal you! I know I may look scary, but I mean no harm really! Just see me as a friend, okay?

“A friend?” Miguel thought to himself, and a strange warmth invaded his heart. He has been a loner most of his life, but it sure felt nice to know he could reach out to someone whenever he needed to.

- You WHAT? Lyla exclaimed as you were away to get some medicine.

-I bit them. Miguel admitted shamefully.

- Now they’re the one who’s going to be scared of you! Lyla chuckled between laughter.

- I like you a whole bunch but if you don’t shut up right now I’ll turn the WiFi off.

- Say what you want, I saw how hard you blushed when they got you sitting down!

- Aight that’s it I’m turning you off-

- You better not-

A few moments later, you came back in the room with some syringes and a plaster mold.

-Uhh, what is all that for? Miguel asked, unsure.

- It’s because you need braces! You say as you hand him the plaster mold. Instead of biting my hand, bite this instead please!

-I need… braces?

- Mhm! It’s because of your fangs! For some reason, when they grew they pushed back your other teeth and that’s where all your migraines came from! If you came more often, you would’ve not needed these!

///…A few moments later…///

-There we go! Don’t hesitate to come again if they’re too tight, but normally the painkillers should be enough!

Once Miguel was gone, you treated your other patients until the end of your day, and decided to check Miguel’s file.

-Lyla?

- Yes?

- Can you tell me more about Miguel’s past? I noticed a weird mark on his shoulder and he didn’t mention anything similar in his file.

-I love you a whole bunch sunshine, but you know I can’t do this.

-Please? I need to know if I want to heal him more efficiently!

-Fine, Lyla sighed. Before the whole spiderverse protection thing, he worked at Alchemax and found out some bad stuff happened, his boss found out he knew so he forced him to take some shitty drugs which turned him into an addict.

-But why didn’t he tell me?

Lyla raised an eyebrow and smiled.

- Well sunshine, you know how he is! She chuckled, Always grumpy and never wanting to admit his weaknesses! And probably because he wanted you to have a good first impression of him!

-Ohhh. You think out loud. That makes much more sense now.

-One last thing sunshine! (you turn your head towards her) You didn’t hear this from me,

okay? Don’t mention any of this unless he speaks about it first!

-Mkay! Thanks, you’re the best Lyla!

A few weeks later, you kept on meeting and healing random patients, but you had no sign of Miguel.

-Is there anything new today? You ask Lyla, feeling like boredom getting the best of you.

-Nope, still nothing sunshine. Are you okay? She asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

-I’m fine, you sigh as you laid back on your chair, it’s just… Not being a spiderperson is boring.

- You know, by healing all those heroes, it’s as if you save people as well!

- I mean, if you put it that way… You chuckled. Thank you Lyla, you truly know how to cheer up people! (someone knocked on the door) Miguel? What are you doing here?

- I came here uh… Because I ran out of medicine.

-Oh! Of course! There you go!

-Thank you, he mumbles. I also got you this by the way, he stutters, handing you a wildflowers bouquet. As an apology for uh… Your hand.

-Oh! Thank you, but you really didn’t need to! You thank him with a genuine smile. Did you need anything else from me?

-I’ll be fine thank you!

-Lyla?

-Mmh?

-You’re the one who gave him the idea right?

- You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I didn’t, right?

-Not in the slightest, you chuckled, but it’s still cute though!

A few weeks pass as you find yourself daydreaming again while Miguel and the others were on a mission.

- What do you think of Miguel? Lyla asked you on a soft innocent tone.

-What do you mean by that? You ask her back, intrigued.

- Well, he got you your favorites flowers, and ever since that day he seems like to get injured pretty often, even if it’s just small cuts…

- I see the point you’re trying to make and – don’t you give me that look, you say as you notice Lyla smirking, he’s my boss, OK? He’s probably acting like this because I’m the only person bringing him some comfort and-

-That’s the exact reason he would fall in love with someone! Think about it! I see how he is with you, it’s as if he’d trust you enough to talk to you about his daughter!

- Really? You ask in disbelief.

-Yes! Even though he sucks at showing so, I can assure you he cares about you! I’ve known him for years now, and he acts with you like he acts with nobody and-

At this exact moment, Miguel abruptly came in the room, badly injured? He had a lot of cuts all over his body and was losing so much blood he was on the verge of passing out.

- Please… Need… Healing… he murmured.

- Lyla, scan his vital lifeline and tell me which ones need healing first! You hurried, trying your best to keep your calm.

- There’s a serious wound near his heart! Be quick, he’s losing a lot of blood!

- Lyla… Miguel said, barely whispering. Am I going to die?

- Of course! But not today! You say as you kept on pressing on his wounds, making a fortune bandage out of random fabric you found. Lyla, call Pablo and tell her to come here and put Miguel in intensive care.

-Lyla… Miguel whispered, his eyes closed, tell y/n I love them, OK? Thank you… For every… thing… Think I’m going… to sleep … a little now…

He then put his head on your lap, waiting for the robot to arrive, while you cupped his face, crying silently.

- It’s not your fault, sunshine, you did your best, Lyla tried to reassure you as you both waited in front of Miguel’s hospital room.

- Apparently, it wasn’t enough… you sigh, defeated. Be honest, do you think he’ll survive?

- I don’t know sunshine, I don’t know…

A few hours passed as you both nervously waited for any doctor to give you news of Miguel, but every person you asked didn’t know or simply ignored you. You then started to fall asleep on your chair, the exhaustion getting the best of you, when a doctor gently patted your shoulder to wake you up.

-Y/N? I have news for you. You brought Miguel… (he checks his files) Miguel O'Hara, right? (you nod as you feel your heart miss a beat). He got seriously injured and he lost a lot of blood, so we had to put him in an artificial coma. We don’t know if he’ll make it, but I’m sure he would appreciate some company. Would you mind following me please?

The doctor then led you to Miguel’s room before softly closing the door behind you.

- Hi, uh, I hope you’re doing OK wherever you are. The doctors said you would like some company, so I’m staying here for a while. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, well, I’m sorry. I really did try my best to save you. And… if I failed… (a knot starts forming in your throat) if you joined your daughter, well, I hope you’re happy with her. And I hope what you told Lyla earlier, the ‘tell Y/N I love them, was true. Because, even though bringing a smile to your face is the hardest thing to do – you know I always like a challenge! You chuckle with a faint smile, I still want to see that grumpy, but lovely, face of yours. Anyway, I’ll stop talking for a while, but I’ll stay here until I have news from the doctors. Please don’t leave us. The multiverse needs you. I need you.

You then kept on telling him random details of your day, as a way to convince yourself he was still alive. You kept on doing so for so much time you ended up falling asleep with your head on his chest, listening to his slow and steady heartbeat.

- Y/N? Softly murmured Miguel after what seemed to you an eternity. He looked a bit taken aback seeing you like this, slowly waking up from your head on his chest.

- Miguel!! you happily exclaimed as you hugged him, wiping away your tears. I thought you were – you know- I thought you didn’t make it and it would be all my fault and-

- Hey hey, he reassured you, softly patting your back, secretly surprised someone cared about him enough to visit him in his hospital room. I’m alive see? I’m a big boy! (he coughs) can you please go ask the doctors for more painkillers please?

A few moments passed as the doctors gave Miguel more medicine. You and Lyla were now talking with the doctors to see when Miguel could go out of the hospital. By a shared agreement, it has been decided that Miguel could leave the hospital only if he lived with a near caregiver.

- There is my apartment! You say as both reached your doorstep. It’s not that big but it’ll -

-Thank you. You truly saved my life.

- That’s my job, silly! You replied with a bright and relieved smile. At least, by living with me, I’ll be able to heal you right away! However, I have a bad news: now, check-ups won’t be weekly anymore but daily!

- But -

- No but! Now get your ass on the couch and relax before I force you to, and r e l a x! You've been through hell today and you need some rest!

You then headed to the kitchen to make something to eat for the both of you, but to your surprise, when you came back, you found him asleep on your couch, it was truly an endearing view.

///…The next morning… ///

-Time to change those bandages, you say to yourself, as a way to give yourself courage.

You then got on top of him, putting your legs on both sides of his hips. You started to take off the bandages on his face, taking endless precautions to not hurt him.

You didn’t notice Miguel was awake until you felt his hands on your waist.

-You’re cute when you’re on top of me, he chuckled with a sly smirk, we should do this more often.

You firmly push him back on the couch before adding:

- Not now big boy, making me flustered won’t make this faster for both of us, now stay still, will you?

You then lightly push his hair back to not hurt him while taking off his bandages. You tried your best to stay focused, but the thing is he still had his hands around your waist, and you would be lying if you told yourself he didn’t look cute underneath you…

After a few moments, Miguel finally broke the silence:

- I didn’t tell you, but you look very cute, carinõ

You rolled your eyes, but your blushing cheeks betrayed you.

Once you were done healing him, you headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of you.

Your thoughts were racing like crazy. What if Lyla was right? What if Miguel did see you as more than a friend? Even worse, what if you reciprocated these hypothetical feelings?

A few more days passed as Miguel could now take care of himself on his own.

- Well, there you go… you sigh, your heart aching a bit from seeing him leave. I’m glad you’ve fully recovered now, don’t hesitate to come agai-

He interrupted you by kissing you, having you slightly pinned against the wall of your apartment’s doorstep. It felt like a relief to both of you, as if none of you dared to do it, yet it was like the physical contact was a life threatening need for the both of you.

The kiss was fierce and passionate, yet there was something – you couldn’t quite put your finger on it – you couldn’t help but find cute.

You both stayed in this position for what seemed eternity, but what is an eternity when you are in love?

On the verge of dying falling

end

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4awny · 10 months

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Kyman Week Day 7 - Free Day

(someone grab the tissues)

As Eric Cartman.

Adjusting to a normal life again wasn't as easy as I was convinced it would be. Three years out at this point and I still couldn't adjust.

I was institutionalised. At least that's what Kyle called it. He seemed older than me, almost senior. Because in my head, I was still only 27. I didn't get to live my thirties at all, so when he told me all these stories about the things he did and the places he went, I wanted to soak it all up. I felt envy, not jealousy.

Kyle made out his life was boring and dull, because he would do. He was more cynical now, moodier than before, but everything else was still the same. He was still the same old Kyle.

"Tell me the one thing you really want to do before you die. It can be literally anything." He asked me one day over breakfast. I think he was trying to get birthday ideas.

I thought about it for a minute, because it was hard to pick just one thing. "Get married." I said, looking right at him.

"Really?" He asked, surprised. "Because here's the thing about marriage. It's overrated. Expensive as fuck too, I wasted so much money on mine and even more with the divorce proceedings, Christ. I didn't want to do it in the first place, I only did it because-" He stopped when he caught my eyes. "I thought it was what I wanted."

"So, what. You think I'll regret it?" I ask him.

"I mean... if it's what you want?" I could feel his eyes on me as I stabbed my eggs and ate them. I felt his fingers suddenly touch my wrist. "Wait a minute, are you asking me to? As in, you know?" He nodded a few times, unable to actually say it.

I put my fork down to answer his question. "Am I asking you to marry me? Yes. You asked me what I want to do before I die and that's what I want." I said simply and went back to finishing off the scraps scattered around my plate.

"Okay." Kyle said, leaning back into his chair to process it. "Yeah, okay. We'll make it happen." His eyes fell to my near empty plate, smiling to himself.

Three months pass, we tie the knot and it was the happiest day of my life. It was small and nothing fancy, but that's what I liked about it.

That night in the bedroom before bed, I told him I was going to slip into something more comfortable. I came out of the bathroom wearing a dress and started goofing around with him.

"What am I doing?" I repeat his question, looking as confused as ever. "What are you talking about, I always wear this?"

Kyle covered his laugh with the back of his hand. "I really have no idea how you survived inside."

"Unfortunately, they don't provide these sorts of garments in male prisons." I made my way towards the hotel door. "Shame, because it would have been the prettiest way to show my dominance. I'll be back, just going down to the bar. Those pants better be on the floor by the time I get back."

He doesn't say anything, too busy snickering at the state of me. Seeing him laugh like that was the highlight of the day. I waited many years to see that again and it was worth the wait. So worth it.

My daughter was eight when she came to live with us in the house Kyle and I bought together. Her mother was suffering with depression and needed help looking after her.

Kyle always told me I was a great dad, but I thought he did a better job. He was always reminding me of appointments, getting her ready for school, making sure everything was how it should be.

It all changed when he was diagnosed with cancer.

He was 51. Six months of treatment, but it was too advanced. I gave up my job to care for him and I watched him deteriorate. I stayed with him until the bitter end and I'll never forget our last conversation.

I asked him not to leave yet, I begged him to stay another day.

"You'll be fine." He told me, breathing the words out as he struggled to keep his eyes open. "You're a good person, Eric."

He fell asleep after that and I laid next to him, holding his hand the entire night. When the morning came, I pulled back the drapes and opened the window to let some air in. I caughtef an early bird picking worms out of the grass in the yard and that's when I felt the shift. I turned around and I went still.

Yeah, and just like that, he was gone.

It's now been a year since the date of his passing and I sit alone by his grave, weeding out the dying flowers I brought last week and replacing them with fresh ones.

"Hey, I was speaking to my therapist today." I say to him as I pull out my camping stool and sit down. "Asking me stupid questions as usual. One of them really stumped me though, so I'm wondering if you'll know."

I reach into my bag and retrieve two glasses. I pour a shot of whiskey in both and place one glass on his headstone. "Do you remember how we first met?"

I listen to his answer and I chuckle to myself, because I already know what he's going to say. I sit there for a while, listening to past conversations we had an re-living them out loud. By the end of my weekly visit, my eyes start to weep.

I think about how unfair it is. What happened to him wasn't fair, it should have been me. After everything I did, how was I the one still alive and standing? These thoughts creep up on me now and then, but I'm slowly starting to accept it now.

No, life isn't fair. But it's fairer than death.

Kyle told me that once.

7 / 7

You'll be fine - Ao3, final chapter uploaded

this was a challenge but also real fun. til next year!

#south park #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kymanweek #kymanweek2023 #kyle x cartman #kyman week #kyman week 2023 #cartman #cartman x kyle

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lovesosweeet · 5 months

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty three

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

september 4, 2018 los angeles, california orion

Being alive right now is exhausting. If I could, I’d sleep 10 hours every night, but the fact is, I wake up every few hours to throw up or with intense body aches that make it impossible to lay comfortably. It’s not comfortable to do anything, but it’s far too uncomfortable to sleep.

My body is at war with itself, or, I guess, with the chemotherapy drugs coursing through my veins. Just like I’m fighting for my life, my body itself is at battle, too. It’s an awful feeling to know that even my organs are working against me now, on top of dealing with being in a temporary long distance relationship. The blood coursing through my veins contains the evidence of my impending death, and the poison mixing with it is there to make my life just a little bit longer, but far more painful.

Sometimes I wonder if going through with treatment even matters.

Leukemia is a death sentence. There’s no way to sugarcoat it. Is it worth feeling like pure shit every day until I die? How much better is my life if all that I’m doing to extend it is also making me feel worse?

My mind is at war with itself too.

I can’t figure out whether I’m excited for or dreading the day that Calum and I reunite in San Diego. I am looking forward to having him as a support system in everything after dealing with this without him for over a month now. I am looking forward to getting to spend time with my favorite human being on this planet. I am looking forward to seeing his smile and smelling his cologne and holding his hand and watching him perform and hugging him as tight as I can.

I’m not looking forward to crushing him with the fact that I’ve been lying to him, by omission, about my life. I dread the look on his face when I tell him that I have cancer. I dread having to hear him fall apart while the fact that I’m dying settles in. Calum is going to be devastated, just like everyone else in my life has been. He’s going to be generally upset with me for not telling him. He’s going to wish I’d told him as soon as I’d found out and he’s going to go into recluse mode, mulling all the facts over in silence and battling all of his feelings about the news.

There’s still a piece of me that wants to call him right now and beg him to come home. What wouldn’t I give to have him here right now? In some alternate universe, he’d be taking care of me 24/7, coming with me to every chemo appointment and bringing me fresh water whenever I ask. He’d be up with me at all hours, holding my hair back while I vomit for the twelfth time each day. He’d have saltine crackers on autoship to arrive every few days. I wouldn’t have to do anything for myself and I wouldn’t have to do anything alone.

That’s one of the worst parts. While I’m in emotional turmoil with my choice not to tell Calum and him on tour and my body is processing both cancer and poison, I feel so alone.

Emelia helps. My family helps. Macy helps. People are showing up for me constantly, consistently, but the majority of my time is still alone. I wish I could talk about everything and have someone with me just to keep me company, but I can’t. I’m alone. I’m lonely. I’m dying. I’m depressed. I feel awful, mentally and physically. All I want is Calum, but everything I’ve done for the past month has been putting space between myself and him.

I’ve fucked myself over, plain and simple.

Today is my final round of chemo for this cycle, and while I know I’ll still feel like pure shit for a few weeks, it’s nice to have reached this mile marker.

I take my shower before I get ready to head to the hospital. I woke up at 5 am, puking a few times before giving up on trying to go back to bed. I took a long shower, standing under the near-boiling hot water for almost an hour. It was nice to feel something, even if it was the sensation of almost burning my skin with water.

Then my heart felt like the most fragile scrap of paper when I got dressed.

I’d gone to Calum’s side of the closet, as I have almost every day since he left, to grab a hoodie. It’s a random Liverpool football hoodie that he’s probably worn a grand total of two times in my presence, but it’s clean and it’s thick and cozy, so it meets my criteria. It doesn't smell like him, but it's not hard to imagine that it does. I can pretend it smells of faint cigarettes, coffee, pine needles, and honey: everything that reminds me of him.

As I grab the hoodie from his shelf of things, a piece of paper falls to the floor. Apparently it was hidden in the folds of the worn-out green cotton. I recognize Calum’s favorite blue pen scribbled on a scrap of notebook paper and pick up the note instantly.

O,I guess you’ve worked your way down the stack of hoodies. I don’t know how long it’s taken you to get to this point, but know that that means we’re that much closer to being able to be skin to skin, hand in hand, eye to eye, and heart to heart.

I know it’s hard to believe, since I’m writing this before I leave, but I swear to you: I miss you so much. I haven’t even left and I already miss you.

Fuck, how pathetic am I? Do you see my tearstains?

I am irrevocably and inconsolably in love with you. I will miss you any second of any minute we spend apart. I can only imagine — dread — how much I will be missing you by the time you read this.

I know hardly any of this will be news to you, but I can’t leave without having pieces of my love for you buried around our home. I’m guessing this will be the first you find, but hopefully you’ll find the others soon.

Can’t promise the others won’t be as sappy as this. Just need you to know just how much I miss you.

I am infinitely yours. With all my goddamn love,Cal.

next chapter

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #calum hood #fanfiction #ashton irwin #michael clifford #5sosfam #fanfic #imagine #calum x fem!oc #calum x ofc #calum fic #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic #angst

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howaboutcastiel · 2 years

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Helping You Through, Part 1 (Marc Spector)

Summary: You have to start a new chemotherapy regimen and you're understandably dreading your first dose. Your boyfriends try to help you through the experience, each contributing in their own way to your comfort. (3 parts, one for each Moon Boy)

Part 2.

Content Warning: Medical stuff (needles, medical centers, illness), angst, fluff. Reader is female. This shit is angsty on a personal level and you can't stop it.

Word Count: 4k

Author's Note: I'm writing this literally because I take chemo. That being said, I do not have cancer (I have an autoimmune disease) and I'm not trying to compare my experience to cancer fighters <3.

Marc absolutely insisted on driving you to your first appointment. You protested, of course, not wanting to ask him to take several hours out of his day just to sit with you in a doctor's office, but he was having none of it. He was going with you, end of story. You were relieved to have someone with you, but you weren't going to tell him that.

It wasn't your first dose of chemo, but it was your first time on the new regimen. Higher dose, more often, with a couple of pre-med injections to ensure that your body didn't reject the medication. It was no fun, to say the least, and you were nervous about the whole situation. No matter how many times you took it, you would forever be wary of the needles, the smell of alcohol, and the sickeningly bright fluorescents. You were also scared about the side effects of taking such a higher dose. The ones from the low dose weren't too fun to begin with.

You had tried not to make a big deal out of your chronic illness when you explained it to your boys. Sure, it was lifelong, it was debilitating, and it straight up knocked you on your ass to deal with the medications you took. But you had gotten used to downplaying it for others' sake, as well as for the sake of your own sanity. Both your parents had the disease; it was hereditary and they'd been diagnosed long before you were. So when you finally started getting treatment as a teenager, there was no room for moping, for sympathy, or for comfort. Your parents had been dealing with it all your life, and they never complained. There was an expectation for you to be strong.

That expectation was moot when it came to your boys. As much as you tried to assure them that you could handle yourself just fine, the moon boys saw right through your facade of resilience. Steven had done a deep dive on your diagnosis the first time you'd told him about it, spending hours researching what it meant for you. Marc was quick to dismantle your habit of trivializing your pain; it had taken him long enough to do the same in his own life, he surely wasn't going to watch you make life harder on yourself for the sake of saving face. And Jake, he did what he knew how to do best. He treated you like a goddamn princess.

You tried to hide your anxiety as you approached the familiar medical center. You had been here a hundred times before. Sometimes with your parents, oftentimes by yourself. You had never allowed any of your boys to come with you; in your mind, you could maintain the illusion that you were healthy if they never saw you on your treatment days. You didn't want them to see you as weak, as a burden.

Marc placed a reassuring hand on your arm as he turned the engine off. He saw right through your attempt to put on a brave face, which just made you feel even worse. But you knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of; Marc would never think less of you just because you were sick.

"You really don't have to come in with me." You made one last effort to push your partner away as you stepped out of the car. He shook his head, scoffing at you with a patronizing half-smile.

"We're not having this conversation again, baby." He entangled his fingers in yours as you exited the parking deck, rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. "I'm coming with you. You don't have to do this alone."

You were familiar with almost all of the staff here, having been one of their patients since you started taking treatments in your teens. The receptionist greeted you with a familiar smile, raising her eyebrows at the handsome man accompanying you.

"Who's this with you today, sweetheart?" She asked sweetly, eyeing Marc up and down with a cheeky grin. "Never seen him with you before."

"This is my boyfriend." You replied. Well, one of them at least, you thought. "His name is Marc."

"Pleasure to meet you." He greeted politely, nodding his head in replacement of shaking her hand.

No matter how many times you came here, the anxiety never really went away completely. Now, it was amplified by your fear of the unknown. The new dosage, the added medications, everything different about today had your heart beating just a little bit faster. You had gotten used to your old routine; you'd get your meds, you'd spend the afternoon in bed, and you'd feel like crap for a few days afterward. You hoped that the higher dosage didn't change too much about this.

Your heart jumped a little in your chest when the nurse called your name a few minutes later. Marc sent you a reassuring glance as the two of you followed her down the hall and to the main room of the treatment center. Marc seemed surprised by the size of the room; you guessed he'd been imagining something much smaller.

It was artificially bright, illuminated by harsh fluorescent lights and full-length picture windows on one wall. Dozens of beige leather reclining chairs lined the borders of the room, separated only by curtains and small cupboards holding medical supplies. Cheap plastic chairs were positioned at each side of a patient cubicle, an afterthought for those accompanying the people being treated. The air smelled of rubbing alcohol, which sent a subconscious rush of discomfort down your spine.

There was a large nurse's station in the center of the room. You recognized most of the staff as you walked to your appointed chair, giving polite half-smiles to those who noticed your entrance. Marc waited for you to sit down before situating himself in the chair to your right. It creaked underneath him, obviously not built for comfort or durability.

"Okie-Dokey," The nurse checked a box on her clipboard. They were often over-enthusiastic with the patients. Something about boosting morale. "Just confirm all of your information here and we can get that IV ready for you."

Marc crinkled his nose slightly at the nurse's words. You were used to the needle by now, but that certainly didn't equate to enjoying the experience. The thought still sent a shiver down your spine. Sometimes they would have to stick you multiple times, especially if you were dehydrated or malnourished. Which was often. That's part of why you took the medication in the first place.

You confirmed your name, date of birth, and current medications with the nurse. At this point you had the whole little blurb memorized because you’d been asked so many times before. Marc gave a half-smile at the way you absentmindedly gave the information.

Not that you could ever fathom it, but Marc could not be more proud of you. Despite all of his big endeavors, his strength through loss, childhood abuse, military service, and even worse, was somehow no match in his eyes for your resilience here and now. Medical stuff was a no-go for Marc Spector. He hated the thought of doctors poking and prodding, of patronizing nurses and convoluted treatment plans. All the meds, the needles, the surgeries—every bit of it was terrifying to him. And you were doing so well, he couldn't believe it. In his mind, you were the bravest of all.

But you couldn't see that. You had convinced yourself that his look of admiration was nothing but pity. He must see you as weak, as too sickly to handle this on your own. And of course you knew deep down that it wasn't true. You knew him and he knew you, and there was no mistaking how highly he regarded you. But you just couldn't shake your feeling of inadequacy, the one that had grown into you during your formative years. You were not only too sick to be viewed without pity, but hell, you were too weak of a person to even handle your illness alone.

So guilt began to build in your chest when you felt the familiar panic wash over you. You wanted nothing more than to hide your fear from your partner; to put on a brave face and save him the hurt of seeing you scared and in pain. The nurse returned with all the necessary equipment; she had alcohol wipes, medical tape, a saline syringe, and a 21 gauge retractable needle. The lump in your throat was unmistakable and you turned away from Marc so that he couldn't see the color drain from your face.

You had a bad feeling about today. It was more than just the new dosage. More than the fact that this was the first time that Marc would be here to witness. Normally, you could grit your teeth and swallow your pride and the IV would be in before you knew it, leaving you to sit and relax at least for the duration of the appointment. You couldn't put your finger on it, but today certainly felt different.

"Okay, hun," the nurse's voice rang in your ears like birdsong, too sharp and too high. "Which arm would you like me to use?"

A dull scraping sound echoed behind her words as you aloofly held out your left arm to answer her question. It didn't matter, there was scar tissue on nearly every good vein at this point. You turned your head to the source of the noise, seeing Marc drag his chair subtly closer to you. Despite your best efforts, he must have noticed the dread emanating from your body. He placed his calloused palm over your right hand, squeezing the skin lightly with his fingers.

"You haven't introduced me to your friend here," the nurse attempted to distract you as she ran an alcohol wipe over the skin on your forearm. You appreciated the gesture well enough. "Tell me about him."

"This is my boyfriend, Marc." You faked a smile as you muttered the words through gritted teeth. God, you hated the smell of rubbing alcohol. You knew what it was a precursor to. "We've been dating for a few months. He wanted to make sure I was okay with the first dose of the new treatment plan."

"Nice to meet you, Marc." The nurse nodded her head toward him, tossing the alcohol wipe into the bin beside your chair. He gave an awkward nod in return. Marc wasn't really one for small talk, but he tried to keep the air light for your sake if nothing else. "It's good to see that you have a support system. Hopefully, the higher dosage doesn't do you too bad."

You sucked in a small breath as she pulled the IV needle out of its plastic wrapping. The feeling that something bad would happen definitely didn't shake as she touted her usual preparatory spiel.

"I'm going to count to three, alright? Just take deep breaths. Ready? One... two..."

Normally, you would shut your eyes and squeeze both your hands into tightly-wound fists. You debated whether to grasp at Marc's hand instead. You didn't want him to think that you were in more pain than you actually were. Your grip tightened slightly on his hand, bracing for the sharp pain digging under your skin.

"Three."

Your gut feeling turned out to be right. The wrong kind of pain shot all the way up your arm and an instant wave of nausea washed over you. You looked down to see your skin raised in an oval shape around the needle. Of fucking course your vein had blown today of all days.

"Aw, I'm sorry." She whimpered a dissatisfied breath and pulled the needle back out, pressing a square of gauze into the injection sight as Marc shot a confused look her way. His puzzled expression quickly turned to concern as he met your gaze, seeing nothing but resignation and the unmistakable face of someone who was about to faint.

"Honey?" He pressed his hand into your shoulder, leaning you back in the chair so you wouldn't fall forward. You had no energy to respond; his words sounded far away as they reached your ears. "You're okay. Just take deep breaths, okay? Lie back and just breathe."

He turned to the nurse, who took only one quick glance at you before coolly pulling an emesis bag out of a drawer and placing it on your lap. Your brain was conflicted between processing on hyperfocus and resigning altogether to deep, black nothingness. A thin veil of sweat covered your skin and everything was too hot and too cold at the same time. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but it sucked just as bad nonetheless.

"Is she gonna pass out?" Marc sheepishly asked the nurse. He was out of his element here. You focused on taking slow breaths as the nurse handed him a cold pack for your neck.

"She might. Or she might throw up." You groaned at the words. Marc pressed the pack to the back of your head, gingerly parting your hair with the tips of his fingers. "But she might calm down here in a second. Veins are funny like that."

It was obvious that Marc viewed the nurse as coldhearted. You wanted to tell him that the reason was that this happened fairly often. Everything was routine at this point, even fainting sometimes. But talking was hard in this state and you didn't want to exasperate the white-hot feeling in your head. You sent a pathetic smile his way, one that said something like she's right. Veins are funny like that.

Once everyone was confident that your stomach content was going to stay in its place, the nurse took your other arm out of Marc's grasp. It was standard procedure to get the IV in as soon as possible, even if you hadn't stopped sweating yet. You saw something shift in Marc's eyes as she cleaned a second potential injection site.

"You okay, baby?" He stroked the side of your head with the pads of his fingers. You nodded lazily, sucking in a breath that wasn't as nearly stable as you would have liked.

"I'm good now." You said it more to convince yourself than anything. The nurse began her spiel again and you stared down at the needle with covert dread.

"Hey, don't look at that." Marc used his pointer finger to lift your chin. The nurse subtly rolled her eyes at his display of gentle affection. "Don't look at that. Look at me."

You met his gaze as the nurse once again counted to three. His eyes were the softest you'd seen them in a while. He could table any feeling when needed if it came down to your wellbeing. You wavered only a little when you felt the sharp pinch in your arm. This time the pain wasn't nearly as bad.

"Okay! All done," the nurse's singsongy voice was loud enough to draw the attention of the patient in the chair next to you. "I'm going to flush your IV with saline and then we'll get your pre-meds in, too."

Your doctor had ordered a dose of steroids before your body took the new dosage of chemo. It would help to keep your body from rejecting the medicine. You hoped that it wouldn't add any side effects. There were just so many unknowns about today.

Marc sat back as the nurse finished setting up your IV. The next hour or so was fairly peaceful and you almost could have napped in your chair. Your boyfriend sat patiently as your body drank in the medication. You assumed he was playing games on his phone as you closed your eyes and leaned yourself back in your chair, finally somewhat content after the close call with your blown vein. His voice was gentle and quiet in your ear, pulling you from a half-slumber.

"How are you feeling?" You opened your eyes to see a genuine look of soothing concern. Your IV bag was more than half-empty now, you'd be ready to leave before long.

"I feel fine, love." It was odd how he seemed so worried about you. You had been coming and doing this as long as you could remember and no one had ever seemed to care so much about how it affected you. You honestly didn't even know how else to answer him. How were you feeling? You'd not really thought about it before.

"Is your arm okay? It had you feeling pretty bad earlier." You didn't know how to take his concern.

"Yeah, It'll be okay. Gonna leave a nasty bruise, though. Probably." You rubbed at the edges of the bandage. The dull pain in your arm was barely noticeable. Marc seemed to be holding himself quite stiffly like he couldn't stand the thought of you being in pain. You almost chuckled at the idea.

"You're not a big fan of the medical stuff, are you?" Your question aimed to re-direct the conversation away from you. You didn't want to talk about yourself.

"It's not a big deal. Haven't put much thought into it." He replied. You figured that Marc hadn't been to a doctor in a while. There was no need, not with Khonshu's healing armor. Besides the occasional therapist visit, you reckoned that the boys never saw the need for medical treatment. Probably a damn good thing, too, because they would have racked up quite the medical bill at this point, Moon Knighting around like they did. If it weren't for that armor, they'd likely be in the ER once a week. Or more.

"Are you hungry?" You figured there would only be a few hours window before you started feeling the effects of the medication. If you were going to stomach any food, then now was the time to get it. You already had the medical center's address entered in your Doordash account; like everything else, lunch was often a part of the routine.

"I could eat." Marc looked at you with that same confused expression from earlier. You had just nearly passed out half an hour ago, and now you wanted food? He just followed your lead at this point.

"I'm gonna order Chinese food. Will you pick it up from the delivery driver?"

"Of course, babe."

When your meal finally came, you savored every bite of the rich, tangy food, effectively distracting yourself from the gloom of the space around you. Marc watched you with satisfaction, relieved that you seemed to be in such good spirits. He was still in disbelief that you could handle all this so well. It seemed like such an intense experience from his view.

You had just scraped your box clean when the machine pumping your IV began to beep angrily. You laughed at the way the noise startled your boyfriend; it was only a signal that the medicine bag was empty, meaning you were finally free to go home. The nurse made quick work of removing the tiny tube from your arm, making a sarcastic remark about how she wished you'd ordered enough food to share. You were fine with the joking at this point; the hardest part was over. As far as you knew.

Marc supported your weight a little more than necessary as he guided you out the door and toward the parking deck. You were happy to be done with the endeavor, so much so that you ignored the lingering gut feeling that something wasn't going quite right. The familiar pull of fatigue began to weigh on your limbs as you crawled into the passenger's seat. You wanted to succumb to your tiredness as your partner started the car.

"I'm so goddamn proud of you, baby." He hummed as he checked his mirrors for a safe moment to back out of the spot. You didn't look at him, which was fine. He knew that you had a hard time receiving praise, especially from him. "Seriously. You're impressive. That shit is scary and you just... trucked on through. That's amazing. You're amazing."

You allowed your exhaustion to pull you deeper from him as he sent praises into your ears. It was a short drive back to your shared apartment, but you would take the rest regardless of the duration. This was the first dose you had taken of your meds since you'd moved in with Marc. You didn't really know what to expect when you got back home, but you knew that you didn't want to burden him. Even more, you knew you didn't want to worry him.

You struggled to coax yourself awake when he parked the car in front of the apartment complex. It didn't seem to matter much, though, whether you could manage to wake yourself up or not. Marc unbuckled your seat belt for you, exiting the car and making his way to the passenger door at record speed. You lazily protested when he wrapped his strong arms around your back and behind your knees, clumsily trying to lift you out of the seat.

"I can carry myself." You slurred at him, eliciting a soft chuckle.

"No, it's okay. I got you. Just go back to sleep."

"What about the neighbors?"

"As if they ever pay attention to us."

"Put me down, Marc. I'm not a baby."

"And I'm not treating you like one. I'm just... taking care. I'll always take good care of you."

"Ugh." You made a face at his sappy remark. He could be such a softy sometimes. Only with you, though. He was a buff, jaded man to the rest of the world. To you, he was gentle and caring and sweet enough to rot your teeth out of your mouth.

He carried you onto the elevator without so much as a huff, effortlessly holding your weight against his steady chest and arms. You wavered in and out of consciousness as he made his way to your apartment door, shifting you slightly so that he could turn the knob underneath your weight.

"Here you go, babe." He lowered you onto the couch, withdrawing his hands from under you and running his palm along the length of your arm. You put little effort into re-adjusting yourself as you heard him shuffle around for a blanket. You opened your eyes just in time to see him unfold your favorite quilt, draping it gingerly over your frame.

Marc looked at you like he was overflowing with love. He adored the peaceful, careless expression that you held as you bordered on sleep. He planted a kiss on your forehead, pulling the trashcan from his desk over to you, just in case.

"Just rest now, sweetheart." His voice was dripping with affection. His doughy eyes were all but bursting with desire to bring you comfort. His gaze remained on you until you once again shut your eyes, sinking into the fatigue that your day had brought you. "I'm right here. I'll be here when you wake up. Just go to sleep."

And you did. You fell asleep to the sound of his voice. It was the most comforting noise that you could ever imagine, and it coaxed all of your worries away as you sank deeper into the peaceful abyss.

Part 2 (ft. Steven) coming, like... immediately. Tagged peeps:

@libsybum @rmoonstoner @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13 @moony-artemis @gabewerk, @lunarlockley

#marc spector #moon knight #steven grant #steven grant x reader #jake lockley #moon knight x reader #moon knight x you #steven grant x you #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley x you #marc spector x reader #marc spector imagine #marc spector x you #masterlist

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joonslfttiddie · 9 months

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Chapter 32: Gifted...

💜Fic Pairing: OT7 x OFC

💜AU/Genre: Reverse Harem/Polyfidelity/Ghosts/AMBW

💜Warnings: Mentions of Arson/Fire/Anxiety Attacks/Death of Main Characters/Murder/Adult Language/Sexual Activity/Stalking/Cancer/Loss of Parent/Ghosts/Explicit Smut/Ejaculation/Oral Sex/Nipple Play/Death of Main Characters/Unprotected Sex/Hate Crime/Blackouts/Orgy/Mention of Gun/Breath Play

*Warnings are for entire work; not chapter specific*

💜Rating: MA

💜Word Count: 3789

*FLASHBACK*

"Didn't I tell you that you drink too much?"

My mother eyes me as I'm pouring my nightcap.

"Mom, you make me sound like an alcoholic. Even my doctor says a glass of red wine a day is good for the heart."

"Well, whatever, I just worry about you. You need to make an appointment with your doctor, just for a check up."

Clean. That's the best way I can describe my mother's scent that creeps into my nose as I hug her from behind, placing my glass on the counter next to the sink, making sure to handle her frail frame gently.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll call in the morning. AND, I'll do a cleanse, just for you, okay. No alcohol for a month," I concede, resting my cheek on her shoulder.

"Don't do it for me, do it for yourself. I know your liver is screaming for a break and more water."

"Dang, ma!"

Our laughter fills the kitchen just as my sister enters the house.

"Sis, come get your mama," I acknowledge Jasmine as she's placing her keys on the hook, then removing her shoes and purse.

"No, come get your wino of a sister," Mommy quips.

"All I heard was wine. Gimme some!"

Mom's jaw drops as Jasmine's coming around the corner, causing us girls to erupt in laughter.

"You heifers get on my nerves together. T, don't play around with your health and call the doctor's office first thing because it'll be hard to get someone after lunch. Ask them to do a urinalysis. Jas, wash your dishes if you decide to eat dinner. I made the sausage, gravy, and rice you guys love."

"Deh," we say in unison as Mommy, in passing, tucks a clump of Jas's curls behind her ear with one hand and grabs my cheeks with the other. She calls over her shoulder as she's ascending the stairs.

"Also, y'all need to avoid taking the interstate in the morning. And don't be in here doing all that cackling, you know I have another round of chemo tomorrow."

It wasn't uncommon for mom to warn us of things or worry over us. Yes, most mother's want to try to protect their children, but this goes beyond that. Our grandmother had the same gift that is said to be bestowed upon the women of our family by age 30, having skipped me as I'm already 34. With this gift, Mom and Granny had a history of predicting things in our lives and shielding us from danger. Not that she considers herself a psychic or anything, Mom just has 'a feeling' sometimes. She would alert us of dangers and things yet to happen in regular conversation, like there was nothing odd about it. And she could always read us like a book.

"Tia."

On my way to my room, I stop abruptly in front of my mother's bedroom door when I hear her calling for me.

"Ma'am?"

Sitting propped up on a mountain of pillows, she puts her book on the bed and motions for me to move closer. I already know the drill as her hands are extended, so I go to stand next to the bed, leaning over for her to hold my face in her hands. She first looks into my eyes, shifting from one to the other. It's almost as if she's looking through me. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath in through her nose and releases it through her mouth.

"I just wanted to check in on you again. Don't be too worried about your doctor's visit. It's not anything life threatening but you do need to get checked out."

"Will I need to get a shot or something? Medicine?"

"Probably just medicine. You'll be okay," she reassures me then opens her eyes. "I've been meaning to ask you, do you still have those dreams?"

Even without the details, I know exactly what she is talking about. The dreams that feature the same seven men, guiding, helping, and comforting me as I sleep. I'm curious as to why she's brought this up even though she asks every few years.

"Yes, ma'am...I had another one a couple of days ago. Why?"

"No reason, really, I just thought about it. You are gifted, Tia, and I, honestly, believe those men are assigned to you, to keep you safe. Just know that if you ever encounter some sort of danger, your love will protect you."

"My Love? Like my man? And gifted? I'm already years past thirty so if I was gifted, it would have shown by now."

"I'm not quite sure, T. I just see you experiencing new beginnings... fate... home... seven... death... love... purple... fire... hate... rebirth." Her brow furrows and she closes her eyes again, tilting her head ever so slightly before she continues to speak.

"Ma, wha-?"

"Shh..."

Whenever she gets like this, something big is coming. She can never tell us when, but she definitely gets us prepared for what's to come.

"Something will come after you, or has come...something dark and spiteful. There will be a fire, or there has been a fire?" She quickly releases me, fanning her hands as if she'd been burned. She just looks at me but I can't read her expression as it's a mixture of worry and confusion with a hint of fear. "Baby, you've always been a tough nut to crack, since the day I brought you into this world. Sometimes, I can't tell if you're coming or going but you are something special, the universe knows that. You're going to experience a great loss, or you already have? I don't know, Tia, but you will have your happily ever after."

"Okay, well, I'm not scared at all," I tease sarcastically.

"And you shouldn't be. No weapons formed against you shall prosper," mom begins to pray over me ending it with an 'amen'.

"Amen. Well, I'd better get to bed, too. Are we still getting pancakes before your appointment?"

I love getting on her nerves, joking and picking with her to make her laugh. Maybe that's my toxic trait, resorting to humor to not focus on the seriousness of situations.

"I wish! We can stop to get you some but unfortunately, I'll only be having a small, bland meal before."

"Boooooooo! No, I'm kidding. You know I'm going to eat what you eat...let's suffer together."

"Girl, goodnight. Get outta my room with your silly self. And, try to stop stressing so much. Even the Lord needed seven days to create heaven and earth." She catches what she just said and can't help but to laugh at herself. "Seven... the number of completion."

I chuckle lightly before stepping towards the door.

"Yes, ma'am. Night night."

*PRESENT DAY*

Another POV

"Please, try to be quiet when you're sweeping this room as someone is sleeping," Jungkook advises and the technician nods, his plush lips curving up at the corners.

The door opens slowly, allowing the beautiful young man to enter the space. He seems to float around the area, gracefully running his device across every surface. Jungkook can't seem to peel his eyes off of the young man as he steps past him, making his way to the armchair near the bed. Having not left Tia's side for more than a few minutes since she was discharged from the hospital this morning, he takes her hand before sitting in the chair he'd drug to her bedside. He and Taehyung have decided that one of them should be with her at all times and Jungkook takes this opportunity to stare at her sleeping features, barely noticing the man now standing next to him.

"A real life Sleeping Beauty, huh?"

Jungkook meets his eyes, "Yea, she is beautiful, isn't she?" Looking back to Tia, and kissing the back of her hand before he continues, "I could just stare at her like this all day."

"I see why! My goodness, she is breathtaking." Hoping to not cross the line, he asks, "Will she be okay?"

Glancing up to him again, Jungkook could have sworn he had tears in his eyes. "Y-yea...she'll be okay, she just needs to rest and stay hydrated." Just as the technician is about to speak again, Tia's phone vibrates. Snatching it from the nightstand before the sound can wake Tia, Jungkook takes the phone answering it as he walks out of the bedroom.

The young man, as if enchanted, keeps his eye on her sleeping face. Her smooth, golden brown skin seems to glow, her lips full with a slight sheen, he is drawn to touch her. Tia's eyebrows scrunch and she moans lowly, giving the man an excuse to rush to her side. After quickly placing his equipment on the floor, he takes her hand into his.

What the fuck am I doing?

He can't deny the pull he feels but knows that he has free will, being able to walk away whenever he wants. But he doesn't want to. Like Jungkook said a moment ago, he could stare at her all day long.

"Jimin!" A voice whisper shouts from the bathroom.

He drops her hand and turns on the spot to face his colleague.

"Shh!" He tries to hush the man before he wakes Tia, but is unsuccessful.

"Who are you," the small voice asks from behind him. Jimin looks around to see Tia staring back at him.

"Hey, sorry to have woken you up. We're here to sweep the house for any hidden cameras or listening devices."

"Where is JK?"

"JK?" As Jimin is asking her, Jungkook returns with some fruit and water.

"Hey, babe, I'm here. I'm glad to see you up. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. I'm a bit groggy and my head is banging."

"John said you'll probably feel that way for a few hours. He said that you'll probably be lethargic, too, and to call if you need something for nausea. Your memories may come back all at once or in spurts, but try to not stress yourself out. Here...take this," he hands Tia a couple of red and white tablets, "Hopefully, this will help with your headache."

She takes the pills, and washes them down with the water. Jimin doesn't realize he's stuck in place, watching this interaction between the two until Tia speaks, looking directly at him. He sees her mouth moving but doesn't hear what she says. He jerks himself out of his trance and says, "Ah, sorry, what was that?", asking Tia to repeat her question.

"I said what's your name?"

"Oh, Jimin...Park Jimin."

"Nice to meet you. Was that you holding my hand a minute ago?"

He's blushing red and rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed, having been caught. Nodding his head, he admits his actions.

"I'm sorry...you just looked so beautiful, and you were moaning, and your brows were tense. I didn't know if you were having a bad dream or if you were hurting. I'm sorry, I just felt compelled to comfort you. Forgive me if I overstepped-"

"We are so sorry, ma'am. We'll just finish searching this area, then we'll be out of your hair," the other man cuts Jimin off to apologize.

Unintentionally ignoring the other man, Tia's focus remains on Jimin.

"Thank you...Jimin. You didn't overstep at all," Tia shows her gratitude and the way his name falls from her lips is intoxicating.

Jungkook's POV

Thankfully, Tia slept through the entire process of getting her discharged and home. I don't think I would have been able to stand the void look of confusion in her eyes or her staring at me like a stranger. Not again. Thankfully, I'm off duty during the day today and get to spend it caring for Tia. Taehyung will be back after he takes care of some things at the office and, luckily, he's the owner of the business, so he'll be able to take a few days off to be here as well.

Tia is still sleeping when I answer the door for the technicians to come in and sweep the house. There's something about one of the men that causes my heart to race when he's near. I feel an immediate connection to him, almost like a long lost brother. Unable to tear my eyes from him, I watch as he practically dances around Tia's room, something so elegant in his movements. The only thing that can take my attention from him is Tia's peaceful features and I have a seat to further take them in.

As we converse briefly, I swear that I see tears in his eyes and I can't help but to wonder if he's possibly experiencing the same attraction to her as me and Taehyung. As I open my mouth to ask, Tia's phone vibrates across the bedside table and I quickly grab it before it wakes her. I rush out of the room to answer the call.

'Hello? Tia?'

"Hey, Brandon. Tia is unavailable at the moment."

'Oh, my bad. You must be her boyfriend. Hey man, I was just calling to check on her after hearing about what happened. I got called to the police station to give a statement about a past employee.'

"Yea, I appreciate you checking in on her. She's past the critical part and is home resting now. Would you like to leave a message for her?"

'Yeah...yeah. Could you tell her...tell her that I'm so sorry for what happened and what she had to go through. I fired him shortly after we started on her reno. After I had caught him doing some suspicious things, but I should have said something or reported him, I don't know. Like I said, he was suspicious but I had no proof of anything. I didn't know what else to do but to let him go.'

Of course I already know the details of this case but I listen anyway, making my way down to the kitchen.

'I'm not innocent in all of this as I was inappropriate at times and said some things about her when she wasn't around, but it was just locker room talk, you know? Men being men. I promise, I never meant for anything bad to happen to her.'

"Look man, I get what you're saying but making sexual jokes and references about a woman is not locker room talk. You being a dick and acting spiteful because Tia rejected you is more accurate. Men being men? Don't ever generalize your behavior as a 'man' thing. I'm nothing like you because real men don't do shit like that. I'll give her your little message, and you can go ahead and delete her number, bro. There's nothing else for you to talk to her about."

I end the call and slide her phone into my back pocket before rummaging through the fridge for something light for her to eat and some water, thinking of John's recommendations. In one of the cabinets, I find a bottle of Tylenol and take a few in case she has a headache before I go back upstairs.

Tia's POV

I'm in between sleep and consciousness when visuals flood my mind. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or not, and my heart breaks seeing Jungkook and Grey cry. What happened? Am I dead? There's a warmth that suddenly covers me like a warm blanket, and I feel a sense of peace. Is it coming from the person holding my hand? Is it Jungkook? Taehyung? Whoever it is, they give off the same comfort as them.

When I open my eyes, I'm still not sure if I'm dreaming when I see a man standing next to my bed, his back to me, strong yet beautiful. Mom taught my sister and I to trust our gut, that our intuition would never steer us wrong, so even though I can't see his face, I feel comfortable as my body is reacting as if I know him. He feels familiar. The sharpness of his jaw line is the first thing I notice as he's turning to face me, followed by his pillowy lips and breathtaking features. I swear, my heart skips a beat when his eyes meet mine.

When Jungkook walks in, my mind wanders as we're talking, unable to take my eyes off of the unknown man. I can recall bits and pieces of what happened last night and I know that I had to go to the hospital, but the details are vague. He starts telling me about what John had said regarding my recovery but stops to trace my line of vision, meeting the man standing a few feet away.

"Who are you?"

Jimin...again, I feel like I've said his name a million times. So, it was him radiating the same energy as the other two.

"Thank you, Jimin," is all I can give him at the moment and with a forced smile reassure him that he's not overstepping my boundaries.

Jungkook offers me some of the fruit he brought up but I don't have much of an appetite at the moment, and I can feel my headache getting worse by the minute. Not even 10 minutes later am I in the fetal position on the bed, awaiting the moment my skull splits in half. Thankfully the other technician has finished the sweep in here and is outside in the work van. I think there's something vulnerable about suffering and I didn't want him to see me this way but I'm comfortable with Jungkook...and Jimin. Fragmented memories are swirling through my mind, searching to land on their specific string of experience.

"Oh my God, baby...I'm so sorry," I say between tears, unsure if I'm crying because of the searing headache, the visual of my loved ones sad because of me, or both.

"Shh...it's okay, baby. I know. I know you didn't mean it."

Jungkook is kneeling next to the bed, kissing the back of my hand and rubbing my butt, trying to console me. Being that my eyes are closed tight, I don't see when Jimin comes over to kneel next to him.

"May I?"

Assuming he got the go ahead from Jungkook, I almost melt when his hands caress my scalp and firm circles rub across my temples. This doesn't alleviate the pain completely but it's definitely relaxing. This in combination with the booty rubs calms me enough that I end up falling asleep.

"Jagiya, wake up, love...you need to eat something."

I awaken to Taehyung's gorgeous face and I'm enthralled but unable to show it much as I'm still in pain. It has subsided a ton, but is definitely lingering.

"Hi, Tae. Are you done with work?"

He still blushes and gives me that boxy smile whenever I call him by his nickname. He is so fucking cute.

"Yeah, I just had to speak to a few customers and move some appointments around. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like shit but not as shit as earlier. I missed you."

"I missed you more, and I'm glad you feel less shit."

"Also, I'm so sorry about last night."

"No need to apologize...we know it was the medicine making you like that. Here, sit up. I brought soup. Koo told me you haven't eaten much."

I'm able to sit up and have a few spoonfuls of the soup, the rich warm broth heats me from within. After taking more medicine, I scoot over to make room for Taehyung to lay with me, and bump into a sleeping Jungkook. Thankfully, I don't wake him but it does cause him to stir, he grabs my hips, pulling me to lay flush to him. With hushed voices, Taehyung and I converse with our foreheads together.

"So?" He questions me, wearing a knowing smirk, my thumb grazing over the slight stubble along his cheek.

"So? So, what?" I'm genuinely confused.

"Jimin?"

I pull away for a moment to fully search his features for any indication of anger or jealousy... nothing. He only smiles and wiggles his eyebrows at me. So he and Jungkook talked while I was sleeping.

I snicker and playfully cover his smile with my palm and say, "Yeah? What about him?"

"Koo told me about you guys giving each other 'bedroom eyes'."

"No one was giving anyone any kind of eyes. I mean... he was handsome and sweet."

"Yea, that's not the way Koo described him. He said he was fine as fuck and looked like he was sent from heaven, on some Keyshia Cole type shit."

We burst into silent laughter, trying not to disturb Jungkook as he has to work tonight.

"Oh my God! Stop, stop, stop...my head hurts," I whisper yell to him, still wheezing.

"Oh shit...my bad. I read somewhere that an orgasm will help relieve headaches," Taehyung apologizes while still smiling and rubbing my head with his thumb, his comment only causes us to laugh more. Once we finally settle down, he kisses my forehead and asks, "Bath time?"

"Ummm," I agree, never turning down a bath, nuzzling my face into his shirt. The scent of his cologne makes me clench my thighs in an attempt to cease the throbbing. Bitch, you could have died just yesterday and you're thinking about fucking?! I allow Taehyung to assist me from the bed to the bathroom, struggling to fight against the weakness and lightheadedness. He holds my arm firmly as I step into the empty tub, sitting me down slowly.

"Lay back and try to relax a bit," Taehyung advises as he starts the water, adjusting it until he finds the perfect temperature. I move my hair to drape over the lip of the tub before I lay back. Leaving briefly, he comes back to sit behind my head. I'm assuming he went to get a hair tie as he's now collecting my strands to put them in a bun atop my head.

I'm practically drooling when his hands leave my hair and begin to massage my neck. Applying firm pressure, using water as lubrication to slip from the base of my neck up into my nape. With his thumb still rubbing circles in my hair, his free hand is massaging my shoulder. My eyes close on their own, moans flowing from my nostrils.

"You like that, huh?"

"Uh huh," I nasally respond, allowing my head to rest against his palm.

Noticing that the water is now covering my breasts, Taehyung pauses his massage to turn the water off, coming back to start where he left off.

"Have you spoken to Koo about the suspect they arrested last night?"

"I haven't but I know that's a conversation that needs to happen. Since I've slept most of the day, I don't think he's had the chance to bring it up."

"How are you feeling about all of this, like, now that he's been caught?"

"Honestly, I feel free and light. I feel like I can exist without having to look over my shoulder, you know? But, mostly, I'm just glad he wasn't able to hurt me or the people that I love."

Taehyung gently moves my head to the other side to massage my other shoulder. I open my eyes as I hear the bathroom door opening to see a groggy Jungkook coming in, hair a mess atop his head.

"Hey, Sleepyhead! Did you sleep well?"

A/N:

Thanks so much to @moonleeai for beta reading this chapter! 💜

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i-believe-in-melinda-may · 5 months

Text

This took me so long to write, I just wanted to get it right. Not sure i'm completely happy with it yet

After hearing Laura hang up the phone Bill quickly hangs up his own fault and moves quickly to try to get ready. As he searches for his clothes, and hurries to put them on, struggling to do so because he is so distracted, Bill finds himself trying to figure out what could cause Laura to need to so desperately see him in the middle of the night. As he struggles to get his tank tops on Bill knows, in his gut that no matter what it is that Laura is about to tell him it’s something bad, but what he doesn’t know is just how bad it’s going to be. After more trouble than he would ever admit to Bill finally gets all his clothes on properly and he goes running out of his quarters, being glad that Galactica’s corridors are mostly empty so no one questions what he is doing.

(Line break)

Less than twenty minutes after Laura asked him to come to Colonel One, though it feels a lot longer to him, Bill gets to Colonel One. Assuming it’s where he will find Laura as soon as he deplanes from the raptor he flew over Bill heads straight to Laura’s office, realising that it seems like not a single other person on the ship is awake.

Once he gets to Laura’s office he looks around and he sees her, without he glasses on, sitting on the couch by the window, and as he sees her Bill realises that from the way she is sitting it is like she is trying to make herself seem as small as possible.

“Laura?” Billl asks, walking towards her, feeling even more concerned as he knows that Laura has to be feeling very vulnerable, very hurt to sit like that.

“Thank you for coming,” Laura says to him, looking grateful, as she puts her glasses on.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Bill says, as he walks over. “What’s going on, Laura?” Bill asks as he sits down next to her.

“I… gods, I don’t know how to say this,” Laura admits, as she called Bill because she needed to tell him, but now that he is sitting next to her, she doesn’t know how to say the words.

“Just say it,” Bill tells her. “Laura whatever it is we’ll figure it out. We’ve dealt with everything else we’ve ever faced, we’ll can figure this out too,” Bill tells Laura, trying to be reassuring.

“I don’t know if we can Bill, I don’t know if I can,” Laura admits, her voice breaking as tears coming to her eyes, and as he knows how strong Laura is, how much it takes to rattle her Bill is terrified about what could cause such a display. “The morning of the attacks, the day EJ and I came to Galactica, I had a doctor’s appointment,” Laura reveals and as she does Bill fells his heart sink, his blood run cold, as dread rises inside of him. “I have breast cancer Bill, it’s terminal,” Laura explains, and after finally saying the words out loud to someone she loves Laura feels her resolve break and she fully breaks down for the first time since her diagnosis. `

As Laura breaks down Billl can feel his own hear break, and before he can think better of it, Bill moves closer to Laura, puts his arms around her, and gently pulls her into his chest. For a second Larua tenses, but then she relaxes, and leans into him, holding onto one of the arms that is around her, like she is holding onto life.

“I’ve got you Laura, I’ve got you,” Bill says, his own voice breaking, as Laura dying, that’s something he never wants to experience, it’s something he knows he can’t handle. “I’ve got you,” Bill says as he holds Laura and kisses the top of her head, and her cheek multiple times.

For over ten minutes Bill holds Laura as she breaks down, while also crying himself, until Laura’s breathing finally starts to even out and she moves away from Bill’s chest, but not out of his arm. As she sees the tears on Bill’s face Laura reaches up and gently wipes them away.

“Billy knows,” Bill states, as that is clear to him, and he is actually thankful for that as Billy is clearly trying to look after Laura, trying to help her. “But no one else does?” Bill asks, as that’s what he suspects.

“No, no one else knows,” Laura admits. “I can’t tell EJ or Lee, not yet I just can’t,” Laura admits, as she doesn’t want to devastate her kids like that, not yet, even though she knows that she will eventually have to do just that.

“Okay,” Bill says, understanding why Laura wouldn’t want their kids to know, and deciding that it is her choice, though he assumes it is something they will have another conversation about at some point. “What happens now? What treatments….” Bill starts to ask, needing to know how they are going to fix this, how they are going to make it so Laura is okay.

“I don’t know,” Laura admits. “After the doctor told me…I was in shock, didn’t really hear what he said,” Laura admits, and Bill is pretty sure that that is understandable. “Cottle will be back on Galactica in two days, no tomorrow,” Laura corrects as she takes notice of the time on the clock. “I’ve already talked to him about an appointment,” Laura reveals, as even with everything else that was going on it was something she still managed to arrange.

“Good,” Bill says relieved as he knows that if there is a way to save Laura then Cottle will find it. “Maybe it’s not as bad…” Bill starts to say.

“It is,” Laura says, cutting Bill off, not wanting him to get his hopes up as she knows that his denial will just leave to his devastation. “I can feel it,” Laura admits, and Bill has no idea what to say to that, has no idea what that must feel like for Laura, what she must be experiencing. “Bill I will take to Cottle about options, I want more time, but I won’t do Doloxan treatment, I just won’t,” Laura says, feeling that it is important that Bill knows that.

“Laura if Cottle thinks it will give you more time, give you a chance…” Bill starts to say, wanting Laura, for his own selfish reasons, to do every treatment possible.

“I’ve told you what it was like watching my mom go through that, what it did to me, I won’t do that EJ, or Lee, or you, I can’t,” Laura admits, as it destroyed her to watch her mother go through Doloxan and she knows she can’t do that to her family.

“Let’s just see what Doctor Cottle has to say,” Bill says, and Laura is sure that this isn’t going to be the last time they’re going to have this conversation. “I’m not going to let you die without a fight, if I have to fight for both of us I will,” Bill tells Laura, and she has no doubt about that.

“I know,” Laura says and even without how complicated everything is Laura allows herself to once again melt into Bill’s arm as the two of them drift into silence, and as they do, Bill starts to run his hand through Laura’s hair as he remembers how much she used to like it; how much it used to help her.

For a while Laura and Bill continue to sit in silence, as he holds Laura Bil realises when her breathing has changed and she has fallen asleep, but Bill doesn’t move away, he doesn’t stop running his hand through her hair. Twenty-seven years, twenty-seven years Laura Roslin has been in his life, twenty seven years he has loved her, it’s been so long that he can’t even remember what it was like not to love her. In the almost thirty years that he has known Laura Bill knows he has failed her, let her down, more times that he would ever want to admit, but as he holds her, reassuring himself that she is alive by watching every breath she takes, Bill promises himself that he isn’t going to let her down again and he knows that if there is a way to save her life then he will find it.

(line break)

Hours after Bill told Laura that he wasn’t going to let her die without a fight Laura is still asleep in Bill’s arms, but Bill is wide awake. While Laura has been sleeping peacefully, sleep Bill is sure she needs, Bill himself has been wide awake the entire time.

While Bill really doesn’t want to disturb Laura as he catches sight of the clock Bill knows he has no choice because before long he won’t be the only person on Colonel One awake, and too many questions will be asked if they are found. Not to mention the fact that did not spend the night on Galactica is going to be noticed, and questioned.

“Laura,” Bill says quietly. “Laura, I need you to wake up,” Bill says, still speaking quietly.

“Bill?” Laura asks, opening her eyes and feeling confused as she wakes up besides Bill for the first time in over a decade, but then she remembers.

“Hi, sorry,” Bill says to her. “I need to get back to Galactica, if I don’t, if people find me here, they’re going to start asking questions,” Bill explains.

“What time is it?” Laura asks as she reluctantly pushes away from Bill and sits up properly.

“Zero three fifty,” Bill answers. “I would stay, but…” Bill starts to explain, as the truth is he doesn’t want to leave, but with their respective positions he doesn’t have the luxury to stay.

“No, it’s okay, you should go,” Laura admits, even though there is a part of her that wants him to say.

“I’ll see you later?” Bill asks.

“Yeah, we’ve got a meeting about the water situation,” Laura admits.

“Not what I meant, but I’ll take it,” Bill says, leaning forward and gently kissing her cheek, before getting up and starting to walk across the room.

“Bill,” Laura says, and he turns back around. “Thank you, last night… it was the first time since I got the news that I felt a little peace, you gave me that… thank you,” Laura says, not sure that her words properly explain just what that means to her.

“You never have to thank me Laura, I’ll see you later… Madam President,” Bill says, wanting to make it clear that what she told him won’t affect how he sees her professionally.

“Thank you, Commander,” Laura says and Bill nods and heads out of Laura’s office.

After heading out of Laura’s office Bill heads straight down to the landing bay where he reboards the raptor he flew the night before. Sitting in the cockpit Bill closes the hatch but before he starts the prefight Bill takes off his glasses and lets out the cry of frustration he has been holding in since Larua told him his knees, and as he yells Bill starts to punch and hit everything in reach, not even feeling the physical pain he is causing himself because of the pain he is already feeling after being told Laura’s news.

(line break)

After Bill walks away Laura heads back into her quarters, but rather than heading straight back to her cot she walks over to where her daughter is sleeping on the couch that has become her bed. Kneeling next to the couch Laura pushes her daughter’s hair out of her face and places a gentle kiss on her forehead, before leaning back where she just watches her daughter, knowing that she doesn’t know how many more moments like this she is going to have Laura just wants to savour this. Once again fighting back tears as she stares at her little girls face and knows she never going to get to see her become an adult.

#laura roslin #bill adama #spaceparents #roslin x adama #fanfiction

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captain-aralias · 1 year

Text

Life update

TL;DR - currently still pregnant at 21 weeks, baby is currently ok.

but spent the last 3 days in hospital, getting surgery to try and stop baby coming dangerously early. now back to being WORRIED ALL THE TIME.

if you want to read about that, i've written a post just to get it all out. it's quite bleak, even though we are hoping for the best.

triggers in the below: pregnancy, miscarriage, other death

so yes! it's been a weird week.

started really well - i started taking liquid iron and felt GREAT, shockingly good to the extent that i assumed it was a placebo effect and not actually my body. this is not relevant to the rest of the story, just that i was feeling really confident, not tired for the first time in ages, having a good time.

wednesday - i got a text from the NHS saying i had an appointment the next day. again, so confident was i feeling about pregnancy that my reaction was to be pissed off. no i didn't have an appointment, this was my week of no appointments!!! i was going to go into work for one of my mandatory two days in the office, wtf.

a physical letter arrived at my house a few hours after this and confirmed that i did indeed have an appointment i'd never heard of. the only information about what it was were the words 'obstetrics f/up.' eventually i realised f/up meant 'follow up', rather than 'fuck up', but i was still pretty much in the dark about what it would be.

but i went along anyway, rather than cancelling in a fit of pique because i HAPPENED to have the lunchtime of the next day free. i did not go into work.

the appointment turned out to be .... a scan, performed by a doctor rather than the normal sonographer. i actually had been told that they would try and book something like this at my.... obstetrics appointment, hence the name. the reason for booking in this appointment was that every time i go for a scan, baby is not willing to move around so it has been hard to get all the views that are necessary. and also i've had IVF.

again, i thought - this is probably a waste of time. i'm a low risk patient! i just have IVF because i'm queer, i'm actually dead good at pregnancy. but hey ho.

and indeed, first time doctor scanned me, baby refused to move. went outside, drank some water, she scanned someone else, i went back - they scanned me again. declared baby is fine! doesn't even have a short leg like we were worried about before, brill. but...

i seem to have a short cervix. that could cause early delivery. maybe we should scan me the other way to confirm. but she has to scan someone else first.

this is - as you may guess - where the story gets bad. although i didn't guess that yet. i thought - early delivery? no problem. you mean, like 2 weeks or something, cool. i've already booked my maternity leave to start 2 weeks early.

NO. it means - like, any time from now. even though baby will literally die if born now.

scan confirms that cervix is 1mm, instead of the 25mm+ that is usually no cause to worry.

doctor says - you need to go to labour ward now and probably get surgery, and stay over night.

i'm still living in cloud cuckoo land at this point, so my brain is like - stay over night? but i have one-time only dinner plans at fortnum and mason tonight (a true story, a gift from my partner's rich eccentric mother).

we go over to the labour ward - at which point, my brain starts to point out that this is not good. we're put in a birthing suite to wait for someone to come and talk to us. usually, i would be texting my friend who is also a resident of the same town and due to have her baby 2 weeks before me (OR MAYBE NOT) but i guess this is where it hits me that i might never get to the bit where we are in the birthing suite.

basically from this point onwards, i cried at least several times per day until saturday. midwives kept trying to comfort me. the next doctor they brought to talk to me and my partner (fortunately with me) basically acted like he was telling me i had terminal cancer (i do not have terminal cancer). he wanted me to know that the baby might still die even if we do the surgery, and also that doing the surgery might also break my waters, and then they'd recommend terminating as i'm only 21 weeks pregnant, and babies usually don't survive earlier than 24 weeks. even then - that's very premature.

there was some suggestion they might be able to do the surgery THAT DAY, but it didn't work out. so we were transferred to the antenatal ward, given a (different) private room, and my partner was sent home to get my stuff. she came back and stayed the night in the single bed - not as fun as the fanfic makes it look! particularly because even though we were off the main ward, we could still hear.... people in labour. and babies - like the one we might not have - crying. and beeping - lots of beepings.

also - one of my friends came to pick up my car, which i'd left on the street back when i thought that the appointment would be maximum 2 hours. i was vvv upset about the baby, but my brain wouldn't shut up about the car either. WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE CAR. until it was gone, and then it was 100% baby panic.

monitoring of blood pressure and temperature too, so - should you get to sleep, you will definitely be woken at 2am and 6am. amazing.

cut to the next day - no food, little water. a bunch of drugs, no surgery until 3.30. surgery includes being completely numb from waist down, which is great (genuinely). as well as pain relief, this really decreases the humiliation of being in a room with 10 people all looking up your hospital gown while you can't control your bodily functions.

the surgeon had come in for like 5 minutes earlier and this is not an exaggeration of our conversation:

him: you're having this surgery, it had a 50% chance of failing to get you to full term even if we do put the stitch in successfully, sign this consent form please no offence lovely NHS, genuinely amazing throughout this whole situation, but this is the first time anyone had said 50% chance of failure.

me: [signs form, since has no choice really] him: any questions? me: er... him: [literally already out the door, genuinely did not wait for an answer] midwife [still there, apologetic] as you can see, they're very busy. if you have questions, best to write them down and just say them loudly when you get the chance

everyone else in the theatre was super nice. although also kept asking me about the baby i was convinced i might lose within the surgery (do you know the gender? what are you going to call him?). surgery went ok. very quick. did NOT lose the baby ... at that point. but couldn't stop crying as soon as i got out.

still numb for 6 hours. catheter horrible. spent 2 hours in the recovery ward - still no food allowed - under a weird inflatable blanket. wheeled back to the antenatal ward.

this time, we were on the main ward - although it was pretty quiet because they don't schedule people in for stuff on saturdays. just two women there - both waiting for emergency c-section the next day.

while i was glad neither were in labour, it was still super awkward and upsetting to be on the ward with them. sound carried really well, so we heard all their consultations, including a bit where one of them had to describe her previous history of pregnancy, which included having twins - one of whom DIED. omg. cue - another crying fit for self.

seriously - my overall feeling coming out of this was how amazing the NHS is, how amazing it was that the doctor caught my cervix the day before it opened fully during a random scan for something else (because my cervix was fully open during the surgery, 24 hours after the scan. vv bad) the midwives were so lovely, the nurses were so lovely. they gave me loads of great drugs too (progesterone - my old friend from IVF), which will hopefully keep contractions away, in addition to the stitch.

BUT.... it was pretty hellish to be incredibly emotional and stuck in hospital listening to this stuff for 2 days, unable to sleep. very very likely some of the worst days of my life so far.

i'm back home, as of yesterday, which is amazing. slept a full night, and i'm 2 days out of surgery. the symptoms of the surgery failing are all things that i am feeling right now - like.... pain. contractions (is this a contraction, or is this the baby moving??) and maybe your waters breaking, which could happen slowly so how do you know it's not happening RIGHT NOW.

so - basically, i am still not in a good place emotionally, even though we haven't lost the baby yet. i realised that as well as just.... the very fact of the possible death of a baby we have given a name to (we couldn't use the name again for another baby, could we?) ... i think i'm also in shock for the idea of the life i thought i was going to have this year. i've booked my maternity leave, i was getting into baby mode - starting to largely only want to read baby books, etc. thinking about buying the wrap-top from the advert i watch every time i go into hospital where you can put your baby inside the top and have them skin-to-skin.

and the idea of baby dying and then having to go back to work, my friend having her baby 2 weeks ahead of when i should have had mine... it's just awful. i want the baby, i want to go on maternity leave.

baby coming early but still within a viable window (so - hold on another 3+ weeks) doesn't worry me so much, though is worrying my partner in terms of possible developmental issues of pre-term children. i probably just can't conceptualise this, because my brain is thinking 'well, at least there would be a baby.'

so - that's where we are. doctors and internet both agree bedrest isn't really necessary or helpful, but i have my drugs + antibiotics. 22 weeks is on tuesday. 24 weeks (so viable but very premature baby) - 7th february.

if we make it through february, we'll be in the third trimester, and start to get some good rates of survival if baby comes early.

me to baby (proposed middle name: alexander) every few hours:

heard lots of stories of things being ok and people getting to full term (or close enough) from friends and midwives, one of the trainees literally said this had happened to her. this partly reassures me, and also makes me think - surely that means there must be a need for people to be in the BAD 60-40% to make up the statistics, and that could be me. (i know that's not how statistics works, it's how my brain works).

final doctor - a completely different person to any of the others in this story - told me i likely have a good chance because i have no history of cervical damage, to the extent that they aren't sure why this has happened to me. but the internet told me that it's less likely to be ok if the cervix opened (which mine did), so maybe.......

and maybe these pains are bad pains, rather than i was cut open pains. and maybe my water is breaking.........

in conclusion - i'll be a basketcase for the next few weeks, probably. and then possibly very sad. or possibly it will be some form of all right.

no need to respond to this post, if you got this far! in fact, i might prefer it - i turned off comments on my (much shorter) version of this on twitter as it's all too upsetting. but wanted to let people know, and also record for posterity while i felt a bit more with it/less sad.

likes are ok, even though obviously there's not much to like - except the NHS!! and my friend who took my car home.

this post is also why i probably won't do the 15 questions post that's going around, because it talks about 'when did you last cry' and children, even though we all know the answers to that now. i just don't want this shit in a normal happy meme post.

anyway - hope everyone else is having a nice weekend, and making and/or consuming good art <3

#personal #aralias's baby #pregnancy #miscarriage #infant death #i haven't miscarried yet but warning people it is discussed

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