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#It was funny though. Funny enough that we're still joking about it three years later

wondernimbus · 4 years

Text

a day in hogsmeade — ron weasley

pairing: ron weasley x female!reader

summary: ron weasley may be one awkward lad who can’t hold reader’s gaze for any more than ten seconds, but he is also terribly endearing.

a/n: @glisseoo asked for some ron fluff so i shall deliver

requests are closed for now. please refrain from plagiarizing my work!

"You do realize you've been staring at me for the past minute, right?"

The redhead next to her flushes the same hue as his hair and puffs his cheeks out, gaze skittering away. "I wasn't," he says indignantly, sounding far too defensive, snorting out a laugh as though the mere idea of it is outrageous. “Why would I be.. ha.. staring at you.. ridiculous.."

[Y/N] shakes her head, grinning.

Ron Weasley is one awkward lad; it has only taken her an hour into their date at Hogsmeade to realize this. Part of her had been expecting it ever since he'd come up to her in the Great Hall three days ago, a furiously blushing mess as he blubbered something about asking her out. Looking back on it, despite him having rambled on in front of her for about half a minute, all she can really remember—all she'd vaguely made out at that moment through his constant stammering—were the words "Hogsmeade" and "this Saturday" and "want to—um—go with me".

She’d said yes, of course. Ron Weasley may be awkward, but she can't deny herself the pleasure of going on a date with a very cute—and apparently very funny, according to the rumors—redheaded boy.

And to be honest, his awkwardness is quite endearing. [Y/N] finds herself laughing every five minutes or so whenever she spots him downright staring at her—and whenever she catches him, he always tears his gaze away and pretends to be preoccupied with something else.

Ron does it again now, as [Y/N] surveys the Honeydukes shelves and glances at him out of the corner of her eye. The effect is almost immediate; the moment her eyes land on his, he looks away, hand flying up to randomly pluck a box of—ah, Cockroach Clusters—off of the shelves.

"Interesting choice," muses [Y/N], turning around to properly face him, twiddling with a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans in her hands. "Can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone pick up a box of Cockroach Clusters for their own enjoyment—it almost always has something to do with some sort of practical joke.”

Ron coughs and puts the box back on the shelf. "Was just looking."

[Y/N] purses her lips together to contain the giggles threatening to burst out from behind them. She smiles down at her feet for a moment, lips pinched in a poorly-concealed smile, and then gestures to the row of Cockroach Clusters. "Well," she shifts on her feet, "Have you ever tried them?"

Ron's eyes widen. He practically blanches and says, "Never. My brothers—Fred and George—tricked Percy into eating it once.. don't think he was the same ever since."

[Y/N] laughs at this. Ron looks up, seemingly pleasantly surprised at her reaction, and then laughs quietly under his breath, hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "That does sound like Fred and George," [Y/N] giggles. "Do you take after them?"

"Gah, no." They’ve started walking now, Ron keeping pace next to her in the narrow aisle, their shoulders brushing slightly. "Mum would have a heart attack. She’s got enough on her platter with two troublemakers in the family already."

[Y/N] raises her eyebrows and glances up at him. "You sure you aren't one? I’m in your Potions class, you know. I’ve heard you talk back to Snape plenty of times."

Ron flushes red not for the first time that day. "Can't really help it. He’s a bit of a git." And then he adds, "Sorry."

"Oh, don't be." [Y/N] waves a hand in the air as though to brush it off. "You’re not wrong. Can’t keep his nose out of other people's business—you know he gave my friend detention once for disrupting his class when all he did was sneeze?"

"I remember that. Wasn’t that Ernie?"

"Exactly—Ernie Macmillan. Snape made him clean the trophy room."

Ron makes a sound in the back of his throat like a snort. "Ah. The trophy room. Probably didn't have much to clean, then. I scrubbed the bloody hell out of those trophies four years ago when I got detention."

[Y/N] laughs, nudging him lightly by the elbow. "And you say you're not a troublemaker."

This time, Ron doesn't blush beet red; he actually laughs, and [Y/N] is pleased at how he's managed to ease up a little. Shrugging, he admits, "Suppose I am. Not as bad as the twins, though, as I’m sure you know."

"I and the rest of the castle," [Y/N] affirms, giggling. They’ve reached the cashier by now—and speak of the devil; the Weasley twins are standing in line, though their backs are turned. "Isn’t that them?" asks [Y/N] curiously, looking to Ron for confirmation.

But the sight she's met with is rather comical. All the color seems to have drained from Ron's face; he looks like he's seen a ghost. Gaping a little, eyes wide in what looks like panic, he clears his throat and says, "I think we should go."

But luck is not on Ron's side, because either Fred or George—[Y/N] can't really tell which one—turns around, and at the sight of their younger brother, beams widely and exclaims, "Ron! Fancy seeing you here, dear brother!"

"Fred," says Ron through gritted teeth, and then, once the other twin has turned around, "George."

"Shopping for sweets, aren't we?" grins George.

And then, seemingly at the same time, their gazes land on [Y/N], who stands at Ron's side, amused. An identical flicker of surprise crosses the both of their faces before Fred manages to say, with his eyes darting between the two of them, "Is this what I think it is?"

"Oh, my." George’s mouth has fallen open in an incredulous laugh. "Is ickle-Ronniekins on a date? with [Y/F/N], no less?"

[Y/N] side-eyes Ron to see that he has tensed and is glancing around as though in search for the nearest exit. She scoffs a little at the twins, and, sending them an exasperated look, scolds them by saying, "Oh, leave 'Ronniekins’ alone. He’s been nothing but sweet the entire day."

Their grins grow even wider. "Isn’t that right?" says Fred, tone still teasing. "Well, I must say: We're proud of you, Ronniekins. See you've finally found it in you to ask out the girl you've been obsessing over for two whole years now."

[Y/N]'s eyebrows rise up in intrigue. Ron's cheeks, meanwhile, flush an even darker shade of red. "I'm not—" he begins.

"And since you two are together—"

"We’re not—" Ron tries again.

"—you ought to start teaching him how to play Quidditch, [Y/N], you being a Hufflepuff chaser and all," Fred continues smoothly. Up ahead by the cashier, someone has successfully made their purchase; the twins take a step back, moving up the line without even looking behind them. "Ron’s planning on trying out for the Gryffindor team next year, you see."

"What the—how do you know that?” Ron gapes.

"We’d teach him ourselves," says George, sighing, "But Ron's temper is a little—ah—"

"Fiery?" Fred suggests.

"Let’s just say one time he grabbed my Beater bat in mid-air and whacked me upside the head with it."

An amused laugh leaves [Y/N]'s lips before she can even think about suppressing it. "Is that true, Ron?" she says, tone playfully scolding.

Ron rolls his eyes, grumbling, "That was after they jinxed my broom to let out farting noises every five seconds."

Another laugh. "Interesting," she hums. "Well, thanks for the tip, you two." And then, narrowing her eyes at them good-naturedly, "I’ll be sure to teach your brother Quidditch—with a method that doesn’t involve farting jinxes, of course."

Fred and George beam. They’re up next in line. "I bagsy best man at your wedding," Fred announces, swiveling around to face the cashier.

"No, I do—" argues George, turning around to pile up the sweets in his arms on the counter.

Moments later, the twins are waving their goodbyes, all the while dramatically sobbing into their hands and saying something about their little brother growing up too fast. Fred pats [Y/N] on the shoulder as he passes by, saying in a hushed voice that he'd totally meant for Ron to hear, "Take care of ickle-Ronniekins for us."

And then [Y/N] and Ron are left in the Honeydukes shop, Ron with a flushed face and [Y/N] heavily amused. "That was.." she exhales, laughing as she slides her box of Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans across the counter. "Quite something. Are they always like that?"

"Every bloody waking moment," complains Ron, shoulders sagging as he practically deflates against the counter, leaning his hip on it. "Sorry about them, they're.."

"A bit much?”

"That’s an understatement," Ron comments, obviously still spiteful.

"Did you really hit your brother with his own bat?" she glances at him, eyes alight with genuine curiosity as she takes the paper Honeydukes bag from the shopkeeper with a polite "thank you".

Making their way to the exit, Ron nods, his own eyes shining with a kind of fieriness that [Y/N] can't help but laugh at. Passionately, he says, "And I’d do it again."

She starts chortling at this, walking through the door as Ron holds it open for her. “Interesting group of brothers, you all are," she enthuses, smiling at him somewhat sympathetically once her giggles have faded. It’s still snowing outside; she pulls the ends of her scarf tighter around her neck.

[Y/N] purses her lips, falling quiet for a moment as though pondering over something, and then, her lips tugging up at the edges, she looks up at him and asks, "And have you really been obsessing over me for two years?"

Ron's eyes grow wide and they skirt away almost immediately, hand flying up to scratch the back of his neck like some sort of defense mechanism. "I—I don't—" he sputters out," I mean—not obsessed—" and then he pauses, as though to start over. Shoulders deflating, he mutters, eyes still downcast, "I've.. always found you really pretty, is all."

[Y/N] scuffles her feet against the ground. The smile tugging on her lips is far too insistent, so she just lets herself succumb to it and grin down at her shoes before she looks up at him, eyes alight with mirth, and says, "It's fine, Ron. That's really sweet of you." And because she has a feeling he doesn't want to talk about his—erm—feelings anymore, she asks, "Do you want to go into the Three Broomsticks next? Grab some butterbeer, maybe?"

Ron nods. But his eyes don’t fail to catch onto the way she’s rubbing her naked hands together—she’d forgotten her gloves. He doesn’t pause to ask and instead takes off his own immediately, handing them to her without quite meeting her eyes.

Despite the rush of gratitude this tiny act gives her (and the butterflies it lets loose in her stomach), she holds her palms out at Ron in a stopping gesture, hurriedly saying, “Oh, no—keep them, Ron, your hands will get cold—“

“Just take them,” Ron says, still abashed. “Can’t have you freezing to death.”

She pauses, another fond smile tugging on the corners of her lips, and then exhales defeatedly and takes the gloves from him, putting them on. “Well, I doubt I’d freeze to death,” she mutters, “but thank you.” Once the gloves have fitted snugly around her hands, she looks up at Ron, smiling softly, and says, “Ready to go, then?”

“Yeah, let’s—oh, blimey. I forgot. Wait here!”

Before [Y/N] even begins to register his words, Ron has disappeared and is dashing back into Honeydukes, leaving her standing outside, bewildered.

Isn’t he something else—leaving his date behind, alone in the snow. [Y/N] can’t help but laugh, giggling to herself as she clamps her hand over her mouth, earning strange looks from Hogwarts students passing by.

Ron Weasley is awkward and a bit of a mess around her, but [Y/N] finds that it’s quite adorable. And it’s certainly an assurance to know that she’s not the only one venturing into unknown territory—this is her first date, after all. And to be completely honest, she’s enjoying it. Initially she thought she’d be having too hard of a time dealing with Ron’s overbearing awkwardness, but it’s quite the opposite, as she’s grown fond both of it and of him in general.

And that fondness only multiplies when Ron bumbles out of the Honeydukes shop a few minutes later, holding an entire block of wrapped chocolate in his hands, which he hands to her.

“Thought you might like it,” he says, abashed, only managing to hold her gaze for a few moments before his eyes are darting away again. “Would’ve bought it earlier.. got distracted..”

[Y/N] tells herself that the pink blush that is no doubt spreading across her cheeks is most definitely because of the cold and not because of a certain Ron Weasley.

Feeling a thousand things all at once—all of which (so be it) have something to do with Ron—she smiles, all crinkled eyes and dimpled cheeks, and stands on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

Flushing, she pulls away. This time she’s not quite meeting his gaze, either, as she says, “Let’s get going, shall we?”

Without waiting for a response, she scurries away, cheeks a blazing shade of red as Ron stands there, hand coming up to brush against the spot on his cheek where she’d kissed him.

#harry potter #harry potter oneshot #harry potter oneshots #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fanfic #ron weasley #ron weasley oneshot #ron weasley oneshots #ron weasley imagines #ron weasley imagine #ron weasley x reader #ron weasley fanfiction #ron weasley fanfic

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rogue-durin-16 · 3 years

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THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part II/VII)

"candy floss"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, feels, brief mention of Fred x Reader ig?

A/N: I decided to name the parts bc why the fuck not so keep an eye on the titles 👀. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue :the aftermath

Part I : sleepless nights

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The moment the last group of customers decided it was time to call it a day and exited the shop, I left the till counter and grabbed my wand from my pocket, instantly turning the sign in the door so it could be read from outside 'closed'.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the multicolored wooden rail.

I was drained.

The shop helped our minds to get distracted and stray from the grief, yes, but it was also exhausting.

We had been subconsciously overworking ourselves to the point where it was borderline self-destructive.

It didn't help that I was throwing myself into comforting George, either. I could not be blamed for doing that, though; he was broken.

A part of me, the rational one, knew he would pick up the pieces and build himself up again, it would just take a lot of time.

There was another part of me, though, that depressed, drained part, that was beginning to think he would never heal by himself —maybe he wouldn't heal at all— but still held onto the hope that, if I tried hard enough, I would be able to mend what had been broken in him.

A terrible idea, really, because I started to dismiss in its entirety my own miserable, damaged state.

And George, ever the caring, sensible one, would have noticed that; he would have made me realize I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, he would have talked some sense into me, but he wouldn't— he couldn't, because George was lost in an ocean of grief, trying so hard not to drown that he wasn't able to notice I was trying to aid him from my very own sinking boat.

It also seemed to be working; he was more animated, slept more soundly, and his smile was a bit brighter even —at least the one he had for me.

"Rough day?" My eyes, which I didn't know I had closed, fluttered open at George's voice.

"Very."

He walked to me with a tinge of guilt in his face. "You know we can switch places, right?" I had been working as the public face of the shop since we had reopened, and George had taken on the task of doing the paperwork and shippings instead, showing up from time to time to help me and to let people know there was still a Weasley running the business.

I had been the one to suggest this, since I knew George had compromised with reopening only because of me, and he was clearly not ready to put up a sociable, positive attitude for dozens of people every day.

"Nah, it's fine like this." I assured him with a reassuring smile.

He measured me with his eyes for a second; I couldn't really tell if he saw through me or not. "So I was preparing the today's shippings," he rocked a tiny purple basket I quickly recognised in front of me. "I found this in the back of the stockroom."

"Are those—?"

"Candy floss cupcakes, yes." A year and a half ago we had bought five baskets of candy floss cupcakes from Honeydukes per George's request in order to unsuccessfully try and implement them.

"Are they even edible anymore?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope so?" He chuckled too, tearing the film covering the sweets. "Thought we might as well finish them."

My eyes travelled from the basket to him and viceversa before stating, "well I'm hungry so..."

"Same here." He was the first one to pull out a pastel colored cupcake, though he handed it to me. "Wanna get food poisoning together?" Laughing, I gave him a nod as he grabbed his own cupcake. "At the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three." We said in unison right before taking a bite of our respective madeleines.

I frowned at its surprisingly good flavour. "Am I delirious or are they actually edible?"

"Dunno," he shoved the rest of his cupcake into his mouth with a shrug. "maybe we're just starving."

"Go big or go home, I guess." I finished my cupcake before leaning on the basket to pick another one. My head snapped up with my brow quirked when I heard a soft chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing." George shook his head, motioning at the stairs. "Shall we sit down?" I followed his lead, sitting on the stairs and waiting for him, who had stepped towards the drinks aisle to grab a couple of juice bottles, to do the same.

We stayed there, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence until the basket was empty and our eyelids threatened to shut.

"I think we should head back to the flat." He spoke, leaving the half empty juice aside so he could stretch.

"I'm gonna learn how to cook." I stated, getting up. "We can't get by based on most likely expired sweets and whatever is in the Leaky Cauldron menu."

"Aight." He mimicked my actions, picking up the stuff we left on the stairs. "We will learn the basics tomorrow." He got behind me and began to gently push in the flat's direction. "But now we're gonna get some sleep, miss."

I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn't pick up when his hands landed on my shoulder blades and made their way to rub both my arms reassuringly.

I would be lying if I denied I leaned back when he did that, letting myself get closer to his chest.

And I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't crave going back to my room so I could cuddle him all night.

One Week Later

"—right in the cauldron, love." I pointed at the cauldron besides me, giving a sweet smile to the kid in front of me, visibly going to be sick thanks to the free sample of Skiving Snackboxes.

"Y/n!" I spun around at the loud calling of my name above the shop's racket. I was able to discern a long, red mane flowing fast towards my position right on time for the owner to wrap her arms around me.

"Glad to see you too, Ginny." I laughed, trying not to lose balance due to her enthusiasm. "How come you're here?" I questioned, pulling away.

"We heard you were open." Harry walked up to me, appearing from behind the girl, "And thought we'd pay a visit to our friends, right?" Ginny nodded, looking around while Harry gave me a quick, yet comforting hug. "Where's George?"

I motioned up to the small office, redirecting the couple's eyes to the second floor. "Doing paperwork—AH!" I jolted when a pair of hands tickled my sides, my head snapping to see the towering ginger standing behind me. "Speaking of the devil."

"I thought I saw Gin through the window," George explained, his hands lingering on my waist for long enough to his sister to stare, before pulling Ginny into a tight hug. "And came down to check if she was distracting my employee."

"You got her all bored here, mate." Harry pointed out, a light joking tone in his voice.

"And you're the one supposed to help with that?" George rolled his eyes dramatically. "Pfft... What a world we live in." With the said, he gave the boy a side hug. I heard Harry murmur an 'We missed you' before they pulled away with a pat on the shoulder.

My gaze landed on the youngest Weasley, whose welled up eyes were trained on her older brother's half smile. I only averted my eyes and waited for her to discreetly wipe away the unspilled tears while Harry and George catched up.

By the letters she had sent me, I reckoned the last time she had been near George, he had been lifeless; seeing a glimpse of who was once one of the most cheerful, funny and charismatic people in her life, was probably poignant to Ginny.

I hadn't realized she had moved closer until I didn't hear her soft voice. "Thank you." I offered her a confused smile, though deep down I knew what she meant.

Two Days Later

George was having one of those days.

We both knew it was coming soon; it had to happen sooner rather than later, since he had been in a surprisingly good mood for almost a week. I suspected seeing Harry and Ginny had brought back the events of the Second of May.

I suggested to close the shop for the day, since he was unable to move out of bed; he refused to do so, but I convinced him to stay in the flat and rest —it was Tuesday, anyway; I wouldn't have to handle many customers.

Due to that, when I saw Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur entered the shop, it was understandable that I hadn't become the happiest person in the world.

I greeted them, there were hugs, kisses, and even a joke or two, and when Bill asked about George, I excused him without giving much detail.

They understood.

Fleur was the one to restart the conversation, lightening a bit before requesting a tour for the shop, since she had not yet been there.

It was when we reached the love potions that Hermione, using the fact that Fleur was very much interested in the product, held my hand and pulled me aside.

"So... how are you doing?" The frown in her face, the fact that she was whispering, the squeeze her hand gave mine, let me know she had read me the moment her eyes met mines.

I sighed with a shrug.

"You can tell me." Could I? "No one's asking you to put on a happy face, Y/n." The girl assured me, her eyes digging into mines. "It's not just George, we all lost—" she shook her head at her own words before correcting herself. "you lost him too."

I lost him too.

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

The memory of Fred's broken smile as his corpse laid on the stretcher, that memory that haunted my dreams, appeared vividly before my eyes.

My lips started to burn with the ghost of that kiss he gave me before we split up, him with Percy and me with George; it hadn't been meant to be a goodbye kiss. It was meant to be a good luck kiss.

I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, and Hermione's arms were quick to be wrapped around me, reassuringly rubbing my back.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I saw them entering from Y/n's balcony; I wasn't emotionally ready to face them all at the same time, but when I didn't see them exit, I figured Y/n hadn't been able to dismiss them.

I decided I owed to them all to bite the bullet, so I threw on a shirt and the first trousers I grabbed, cleaned up a bit and left the flat.

With a deep breath, I made it to the second floor and mentally prepared myself to go down to the first one.

As I began to climb down, though, I noticed Hermione and Y/n talking in private, closer than the others to the stairs.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but all my senses were automatically focused on Y/n whenever we were in the same room; she just stole me away from reality.

"You lost him too."

Hermione's words visibly triggered something on Y/n.

'Something', as if I didn't know what they had triggered, as if I didn't know what— who was on her mind.

I guess he was always on her mind, though.

What was left of my heart shattered in a million pieces when she broke down to tears —for several reasons—. "I miss him." She whispered in Hermione's shoulder. "I miss him so much."

If I had any tears left, I would have cried my eyes out right there. Had I been so selfish that I had disregarded how she was feeling? So blinded by the light and love and warmth she was constantly giving me that I had forgotten about her grief? Was I that bad of a person, that I would have rather live in the illusion that she had not lost the boy she was dating?

My mind told me I didn't want any of those questions answered.

"George!" As Ron yelled my name in surprise, Hermione and Y/n pulled away, the latter rubbing her eyes while both of my brothers jogged upstairs to hug me. "Ginny told us you're open—"

"But Y/n said you weren't feeling well." Bill finished, squeezing my shoulder. "We only stayed a little longer for Fleur to see the shop."

"Yeah, we'll come back tomorrow," Ron assured me. "So you can rest and..."

My brother's voice sounded further and further with each word; I felt myself drifting off, getting lost in my own mind and gravitating towards the same thought over and over.

She deserves better.

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quillsandtypos · 3 years

Text

Smiling in the Background

Summary: Reggie discusses his parents divorce with sunset curve for the first time. The reader opens up to Reggie about their own experience.

Warnings: comfort angst and talk about divorce

Words: 2.4k

Pairings: none but could be interpreted as reggie x reader

...........................................

Reggie knew his place in the group. He was the funny but lovable dumbass. If you needed a laugh you came to him. He was used to being overlooked and underappreciated. But he knew that his friends didn’t feel that way about him, they were always there for him when he needed it, not that he did; but it was still nice to know that they had his back.

But as the boys, and Reggie, grew older things shifted out of place. At their core they still had similar morals and principles to their personalities, but the trauma that they had developed would become a part of them as well.

Alex was first to endure that kind of trauma; when his parents didn’t react well to him coming out, he was devastated. The guys of course had already known about him being gay for years. They comforted him when he came to band practice the next day crying because of his parents' words. The boys promised him that he always had a family with them, a family that accepted him.

Luke was the second. At first the band didn’t know exactly what happened. Luke wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions, and they knew his relationship with his parents wasn’t the greatest at the time, but they didn’t know exactly what happened until they accidentally walked in on him playing one day, completely in tears. Luke told them what had happened and the song that he was writing to cope. By the next week the three had gotten together to write the instrumental to the song. They surprised Luke with it, and it was enough to make him smile, even if it was only for a second.

It took Reggie a long while to even admit to himself what was happening in his world. Something like this couldn’t be happening to him. He was supposed to be the funny guy of the group. How could he be the safe and comforting grounds for everyone else to walk upon when he couldn’t walk upon the grounds himself? He didn’t tell the group for quite awhile, he didn’t want to bother them with his own problems; he knew Luke and Alex were dealing with their own shit.

But he didn’t need to tell him, they knew something was up, long before he did. Words were only spoken about it once. It was a beautiful summer day and they were practicing in the studio. The group was cracking jokes and smiling. Reggie was smiling too, but it was obvious to those that knew him well that it was fake.

“Reg?” spoke Alex.

He forced a smile, “Yeah?”

Alex looked worried, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, totally!” Reggie lied.

Alex gave him a knowing look and Reggie knew he couldn’t lie to one of his best friends.

He glanced down to avoid eye contact. “It’s kinda a long story,” he murmured.

Alex took a spot next to him on the couch. “I’ve got time, if you want to tell it,” he assured him.

By that point the other two had caught on to the more serious atmosphere, and had turned around to watch.

“Reg you know we’re here for you man, right?” Luke asked, as he gripped Reggie’s shoulder rather tightly.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I just don’t wanna bother you guys, you’re dealing with your own stuff anyways, you probably don’t need my stuff anyways right?” Reggie joked. He forced himself to laugh and smile but no one in the room bought it for a second. They all had somber faces and looked at him through worried eyes.

“Reggie, you are never a bother to us,” Alex reassured him.

Luke nodded.

“Yeah what he said,” Bobby agreed.

Reggie took a look at all of his friends' faces and decided that he would tell them. He told them about how it started off with arguing at night, but it was quiet enough that he could ignore it. Then it turned to comments during the day that they thought he wouldn’t notice, which he did. Then it was screaming so loud in the middle of the night that he could hear it upstairs even with a pillow over his head. He told them everything, and they listened to all of it. Occasionally nodding to let him know that they were still listening. When he was done talking his breath was shaky and there were still tears rolling down his cheeks.

Bobby offered him a tissue box that he gladly took.

After a few moments of silence and them watching him, he felt the need to break it.

“I’m still the funny guy though, so don’t any of you think you can take my place,” he playfully threatened. The group broke into small grins but they quickly faded.

“The funny guy can still be sad. Being funny doesn’t mean the absence of being human,” Alex consoled him.

“Besides, you’re so much more than the funny guy. You’re an amazing friend, a great bassist, and you’re one of the nicest people I know,” Luke continued. Other than when he was talking about his parents, Reggie didn’t think he had ever seen Luke look so serious.

“And you make a mean sandwich,” Bobby added. Alex lightly smacked his leg.

“Ow! I was just trying to make him smile,” Bobby defended himself.

Reggie genuinely laughed at that.

“Thanks guys,” Reggie said, as he looked at all of them.

From that point on it was a said but unsaid thing. Reggie never really talked about it, but the guys knew when the fighting had gotten especially bad that night. They always offered a listening ear but never pushed him. But when Reggie died, he didn’t know what would happen to his parents. He never brought it up, with Caleb and everything it seemed like an unimportant matter.

But when Julie introduced you to the band, that seemed like an important matter to him. Another alive human being could see them, even if they weren’t playing. You came to know all of them fairly well, but you clicked the most with Reggie. He’d sometimes come visit you at school, just to say hello only to poof back out a couple moments later. He’d just sit in your room as you did homework, occasionally interrupting your homework to ask you a question or two about the world nowadays; not that you minded, you enjoyed talking to him.

Today was one of those days, it had been a week or so since Caleb’s stamps had been removed, and you were grateful to even be having a conversation with him.

Reggie already knew you had divorced parents, you had mentioned it off handedly the second week he knew you. Everyone else seemed to brush passed it, but he continued to watch you for a moment, noticing the way you couldn’t make eye contact with him; the same thing he had done, all those years ago.

But it wasn’t until this moment that it was brought up again. You had said something about needing to pack to go to your mom’s house when he remembered.

“Oh right, you have divorced parents too,” he reminded himself.

You realized what he just said. “Wait, you’re parents are divorced?”

Then you realized what you had just said. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that,” you apologized.

“No it’s okay, truthfully I don’t really know,” he admitted.

You had a curious look on your face, but you said nothing, since it wasn’t any of your business.

He paused for a minute before continuing. “My parents always fought and they seemed to be having a lot of issues right before I died, but when we went to where my house used to be, my house wasn’t there anymore. I don’t know if they ever ended up getting a divorce or not, I just kinda assumed they had,” he explained.

You thought of something but hesitated slightly.

“What?” he asked.

You bit your lip. “Well do you want to know?”

You definitely had peaked his interest. “How could we know?”

“Well I mean it’s 2021, I’m sure we could find them on the internet or in a phone book somehow,” you nervously suggested.

“Sure, but can you do me a favor?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course,” you responded softly.

“Can you find it and just tell me? I don’t think I can take the searching around,” he admitted. He looked so fragile in that moment, like at any second he could break. You immediately agreed. You looked through google using his last name, sifting through anything you could find.

After about ten minutes of searching you managed to find some court proceedings with his last name on it.

“Was this their names?” you questioned as you showed him the names on the paper.

“Yeah,” Reggie responded.

You scrolled through the rest of the papers. You anxiously looked up at his depressed face. “Your parents got the divorce finalized five months after your death,” you concluded.

Reggie sighed, “I guess I was the thing keeping together.” He emphasized the was in his sentence.

You looked him in the eye with a sort of passion that could only be recreated by someone who had gone through similar pain. “Reggie, you can’t blame yourself like that. Divorces are between the parents, it has nothing to do with you.”

“And yet somehow it feels like we're the ones who get hurt the most doesn’t it?” he asked, as he turned to you.

You felt your eyes start to water, “Yeah, something like that,” you agreed.

“Why is it that way?” you wondered aloud.

He turned his body to face you.

“I just mean, why do parents act like we’re unaffected by it and that we don’t get any decisions on what happens to us in the matter, but we’re the ones who have to deal with choices they made,” you ranted.

“You wanna talk about what happened to you?” Reggie offered.

You took one look into his eyes, and you knew you couldn’t stop the flood gates from opening.

A few tears leaked out of your eyes. “It was several years ago, I should just be used to it,” you complained.

“Just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean the pain is in the past.” He looked a little impressed with himself with what he just said.

You smiled slightly at his face. “Yeah, I suppose your right.” You wiped off the tear running down your cheek.

He looked at you to continue.

“But there isn’t much to explain, I have one parent who is a bitch and the other isn’t bad,” you explained. You shakily laughed.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I doubt that’s all of it,” Reggie spoke softly. You were vulnerable, and you hated vulnerability. But you knew that Reggie would keep this side of you a secret for as long as you needed him to, that’s what friends are for. And you also knew that he understood your situation better than anyone, he was in the same boat himself.

So you decided to tell him the whole story.

“When I was around thirteen I started noticing things were off, I wasn’t sure of what yet, but there were these little moments where I knew that the fight was getting worse,” you started.

“There were some moments where the events didn’t make sense. I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. There was a barrier coming into play and I didn’t know where it was, but I knew it was there,” you explained.

“I was young, but I knew that my childhood was coming to an end. As a kid you put your parents up on these pedestals, and then divorce hits, and things get uncovered and you realize no one is as high up as you believe them to be. Not that their marriage was ever completely stable anyways, but somethings become natural, no matter how bad they are for you.” Reggie looked at you with watery eyes, he really did get exactly what you went through.

“But as I got older they got worse, but when they told me they were getting a divorce it didn’t really surprise me. I knew they had been fighting for years, and it didn’t come as a shock to most people in my family, so I guess I wasn’t the only one who noticed.”

Reggie held a sad smile on his face for an instant, “They usually tend to know before the parents do.”

“Well they definitely did in my case, and to make matters worse they battled it out in court. Which meant that I had to battle it out in court,” you paused to collect your thoughts and wipe your nose.

“Well I didn’t actually go to the court but I had to fight my own parents to get equal time with the both of them,” you admitted.

“Y/n I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Reggie consoled you.

You squeezed your eyes shut to get the final tears to come out.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago, and I probably didn’t have it as bad as some people,” you reasoned.

He placed his hand on your knee. “A wise person once told me that even though someone’s suffering is worse, it doesn’t erase your own,” Reggie offered.

“That’s really smart, who said that?” you asked.

Reggie thought for a moment before breaking into a large grin. “No idea, but I think they had the right idea though.”

You laughed at that, though he wasn’t wrong, it was a good idea.

You placed your hand on his knee. “Thank you Reggie.”

He patted your leg, “Anytime y/n, anytime.”

“And you know I’m always here for you right?” you promised.

He looked like you had said the most obvious thing of all time. “Yeah, I can poof to you at any time.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m serious, Reg.”

His face grew serious again in acknowledgement. “Yes, I know.”

“So if you ever wanna go find your parents house, you know where to find me,” you offered.

“I will make sure to remember that.”

“Good, then I will see you tomorrow,” you told him, as you got up.

“Not if I see you first!” he yelled out at you.

“You’re a dork!” you yelled back, though you couldn’t deny the smile on your face that replaced the sad one from earlier.

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stargaze-issei · 4 years

Text

— "𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮" (𝐭. 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; after losing you, todoroki moves on with his life. you know you never stopped loving him, and he's desperately wants you back. but life has a funny way to do things.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; angst.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1.8k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; this is a continuation from this ficlet, so probably there are a few things you won't understand if you haven't read it. anyways, enjoy.

you had moved on, and to say it had been hard was an understatement. you absolutely believed todoroki was your soulmate, but when you found out what he did, it simply devastated you. even thinking of him made your heart ache. you knew you made the right choice, getting out of every shared space you two had, distancing from everything that reminded you of him. transferring to shiketsu was by far the best way. of course, you had to leave all your friends, but they would always be one call away.

for todoroki it was the other way around. no matter how hard he tried, everything had a piece of you in it. his room was full of memories with you, all the times you fell asleep on his bed, your study sessions that always ended up in something more, you dancing and singing to mamma mia's soundtrack. he ended up staying at midoriya's most days, but even then, he would think about you. it was his default mode, somehow, his mind always went back to you.

he shut down completely after seeing you with yoarashi, no one could make him talk about his beloved or his feelings. he started to go to the gym more often, train alone in the woods at night. he barely slept, and as soon as he woke up, he'd start exercising. he was so tired that he didn't think of you. that was his way of moving on, though in every sense of the word, he never actually did.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

focusing all his life in becoming a hero, he came first of the class with a big gap. at his twenties, he opened his own hero agency. since your break up, he never had another partner, too afraid that no one could be like you, make him feel what you did.

in your case, after graduating you went to work with mirko. everyone knew you being her sidekick. it wasn't weird to hear about your ex boyfriend on the news, he had achieve all his goals in life, and that made you happy. you no longer held any remorse against him. he was a good person who made a mistake, of course you had forgiven him.

"so, [hero name], you've been going up in the charts like a rocket, could you be thinking about starting your own agency? some heroes, like shoto, are already making their way through the industry" the interviewer asked you. for the first time since highschool, someone asked you about todoroki as a hero.

"i love working with mirko, she's amazing and i think i still have a lot to learn from her. i do admire heroes like shoto, he's undeniably good at what he does, but i think is still too soon for me" you smiled when you mentioned him. even after all those years, when todoroki watched that interview, he caught on those little details. it felt good hear you saying his name again.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

it's confirmed! pro hero y/n and yoarashi inasa are getting married! the rumors were confirmed by a picture posted on their social media accounts showing their engagement rings and captioning "she said yes/he finally asked". we are w–.

to todoroki, it was extra hard that you were marrying you highscool boyfriend. he couldn't stop thinking, if he hadn't messed up, you would be marrying him. an hour later, midoriya called.

"how are you?" even though izuku was trying to not be obvious, shoto knew what he meant.

"in another timeline, y/n and i would be getting married".

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹

todoroki finally met someone, you heard on the gossip chanel. great, that was great, he deserved to feel the happiness you felt with inasa, right? of course he did. he was an amazing boyfriend, any person would be lucky to have him, you were happy for him. that was what that knot in your throat was, that sudden urge to cry. come on, you couldn't be so selfish, you were getting married with another man, you broke up five years ago, why were you so upset?. it's not that you dreamed about him at least twice a week, or that you heard his voice clear as water even when you hadn't spoke in so long. you love inasa, stop having those thoughts. you decided with whom you'd be spending your life with years ago, it was about time todoroki moved on too.

"...and i didn't know what to say, but he was so persistent. anyways, i told him we were going to discuss it, what do you think?" your fiance's hand was moving in front of your eyes, trying to catch your attention back.

"can you repeat it, please? i-i got distracted" he smiled at you, kindly. he always did that. no matter what you did, inasa was the kindest person to you, because he genuinely loved you.

"one of my advisors gave me a list with all the pro heros we had to invite to the wedding, i told him we'll talk about it" he pulled out a paper from his briefcase with a lot of names printed on it "give it a look while i take a shower" he got up, kissing your head on his way to the bathroom. most of the names were your old classmates from u.a. and shiketsu, some of your teachers and heroes of the moment.

ground zero, red riot, creati, charge bolt, shoto, cellophane, deku, froppy[...].

you stared at his name for longer than you thought, because inasa came out of the bathroom only with a towel, asking your opinion on the matter. he knew you dated todoroki back in highschool, but obviously didn't think you had feelings for him now. because you didn't. you didn't, you couldn't.

"yeah, okay, let's invite them".

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

todoroki's jaw almost hit the floor when the invitation arrived at his mailbox. his girlfriend, a model he met at an event, laughed at his reaction. were you actually asking him to go to your wedding? it seemed like a cruel joke to him. the cruelest of jokes.

"isn't she one of your classmates from u.a., baby?" his girlfriend asked, taking the paper out of his hands. he never talked about you, with anyone, not even with midoriya. your chapter had been closed by force, locking all your memories away. but that lock was always on the verge of breaking, something as small as saying your name could unleash his buried feelings.

he was so confused. his irrational side was screaming to accept the invitation, eager to face you again. but he knew it would hurt him. he knew it, if he thought about it enough, he still remembered how his heart break years ago. his mind kept wondering back to you, how beautiful you would look in your white dress, your eyes filled with excitement. it was too much for him to handle.

"yes, i will let them know we're going".

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

somewhere in yourself, you wished todoroki hadn't replied. in that same place, it hurt to see the "plus one" option marked. right, he had a girlfriend. a girlfriend he most likely cherished, in some level at least. it was okay, you had a boyfriend, a boyfriend you were going to marry in two months. both of you had moved on. maybe repeating that to yourself would convince you.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

he got up that morning and went for a jog, like when he was a teenager trying to get off his mind the girl who broke his heart. we could say he was trying to do the same thing.

the only reason you got up in time was because uraraka knocked on your door. inasa had gone to a friend's house at night, arguing he wasn't going to see the bride before the wedding. if it was supposed to be the happiest day of your life, then what is that pain in your chest?.

"you have to hurry, the ceremony starts at four, we're meeting midoriya at three and you haven't even showered!" todoroki practically was forced into the shower by the girl, he had no will to get himself ready. what was he thinking? he clearly loved you, as much as always, why did he agree to see you marrying someone else?.

everything was ready, just as planned. like in the movies, you were expecting some sort of crisis to happen and could cancel the wedding with an excuse, but it wasn't the case. things were perfect. your hair, your dress, your make up, even the guests arrived just on time. you felt like puking.

not a single thing was out of place, that was certainly planned by you. he could see your unique touch in decorations, colors, even how tables were distributed. and he could point at everything yoarashi had done, because it didn't match at all. it was like a stain in your perfect design, a stain he couldn't remove or avoid anywhere he looked.

uraraka had to grab your arm when the music started to play, and push you out to the aisle. inasa was waiting on the other side. he looked so beautiful and happy, his eyes overflowed with love. but your eyes got lost in the crowd, searching for a certain pair of heterochromatic eyes.

you were like an angel fell from heaven. todoroki expected you to look pretty, but it was mind blowing. he was standing next to a pillar in order to get a perfect view from you. he felt his legs weakened when your eyes connected.

"do you, yoarashi inasa, take this woman to be your wife, to have and to hold[...]?" you couldn't see todoroki from the altar, and it was unbearable. all you wanted was to look back into his eyes again.

"yes, i do" inasa's voice was so determined, that you realized what was happening. before you knew, the priest was saying your vows.

he couldn't watch. he tried, but just couldn't. when he said the priest saying your name, he had to turned around.

you were sure that with one look, you'd knew if shoto still loved you. that was all you needed to go back to him, to see his eyes.

"[...] till death do you apart?" it was now or never. you turned your head, heart beating like a drum. please, please, love me.

oh how much he loved you. as you once said, his undying love for you was so big, that's tearing him apart. a single tear left his eye.

he wasn't even looking. he didn't love you anymore. a lonely tear ran down your cheek. you were too late, you had lost him. "yes, i do".

he had lost you, again.

#todoroki imagine #todoroki shōto #todoroki shoto imagine #todoroki shoto angst #todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto #todoroki bnha #todoroki mha #todoroki drabble #todoroki angst #bnha x reader #bnha angst #mha x reader #mha angst #bnha x y/n #mha x y/n #– star's; originals! [❀]

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boop-le-snoot · 3 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 36

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Venom + reader = symbiote. More canon typical violence and mentioned cannibalism (Venom eats bad guys). Some angst at the end - reader really went behind the Avengers' backs, huh? But it's gonna be okay.

Is this how babies feel in the uterus? The darkness was nearly impenetrable but at the same time comforting and warm. It wasn't dry and it wasn't wet; it just was. I was floating in weightless space, subtly feeling the echos of a battle, hearing the sounds of struggle as if I was underwater.

"MORSEL, I WILL CONSUME THESE HUMANS. IT MIGHT FEEL SLIGHTLY UNPLEASANT." Venom's voice seemed to reverb in my skull, bringing my awareness to us. We. We are Venom.

"Don't eat Cabre, he's been possessed. Put him out if you can, but don't hurt yourself. I have very little information about this demon thing," I said - well, I thought, hoping Venom would hear me. A possessed enhanced mutant person was bad but a possessed carnivorous symbiote was nightmare fuel. I also didn't want Venom to hurt themselves; the sonic gun looked painful enough already.

I felt rather than heard the agreement coming from Venom; for a brief moment, the three of us were Venom as the symbiote entered Cabre's body to alter his chemicals. The sensation was foreign, unpleasant, and I shuddered at the violation. The sense of comfort that came once Venom returned fully to me was inexplicable. I began to understand why Eddie didn't want to part with Venom; the symbiote's continued presence felt quite comforting.

Very similar to how I felt when I sat with Tony, him inside of me, for hours, with our bodies joined and minds working in quiet agreement.

"HUMAN MATING RITUALS ARE BIZARRE," Venom sounded baffled and slightly disgusted. "AND THEY ARE NOTHING LIKE A PERFECT SYMBIOSIS. PLEASE DO NOT COMPARE YOUR PRIMITIVE URGES TO OUR SYMBIOSIS."

I gasped inwardly, doing my best to distract myself from the crunching and wet noises that managed to break Venom's barrier. "Would you rather I barf inside of you?" I snarked, giving into the urge to roll my eyes. Not the time to be picky-choosy, Chtulhu.

"YOU DO NOT WANT TO WASTE PRECIOUS ENERGY RIGHT NOW. WE STILL HAVE A LOT TO CONSUME AND I WILL NEED TO REPAIR EDDIE." The symbiote announced patiently, a sense of deep longing beginning to seep into our bond at the mention of my uncle's name.

The points Venom raised were valid and I was as eager to be Just Me as Venom craved to reunite with Eddie; I receded, racking my brain for something to focus on to be able to ignore the cannibalistic experience and not "waste precious energy". "I have a subdermal tracker installed, tap it three times to activate it if you need backup," Belatedly, I remembered about my cyborg experiment.

Venom appeared to contemplate it. "NOT NOW. THIS BATTLE IS NOT VERY HARD." They finally concluded as a particularly piercing scream echoed in my ears. "YOUR MATES WILL BE ANGRY IF THEY FIND OUT. WE CAN MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT FIND OUT."

As surprised as I was at the extended courtesy, I had to face myself and my lies sooner or later anyways. "We'll tell them anyways. I'll take the blame, you play dumb together with Eddie. Consider it a trade," If I could, I would be rubbing my face right now. "I took you out to an all-you-can-eat human buffet, you took me out to take care of a problem. We're even."

Venom snorted as I felt the random crunching and squelching noises slowly begin to quiet down. "FUNNY MORSEL," I assumed it was a compliment as the feelings that leaked through the bond were actually quite fond. "THE OTHER MORSELS SHOULD BE GRATEFUL. WE WILL BRING POSSESSED HUMAN TO THEIR DOORSTEP. WE DID THE JOB FOR THEM." However, it was obvious the kind feelings didn't quite extend to SHIELD or the Avengers. I struggled to comprehend how Venom planned to take all three of us to the tower anyway, with both Cabre and Eddie being out of commission and me currently being, well, Venom.

I needn't have worried, however. There was a slight pressure on one of my shoulders followed by a brief, ten-minute strange sensation of flying, the added weightlessness making me drowsy in the darkness of Venom's fluid body. As soon as it stopped I heard voices that seemed faintly familiar - names that I recognized, but not quite sure from where.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" The yelling reached my ears through the layers of symbiote, making me cringe. Tony's piercing shriek of shock hurt.

"Could you please not be so loud, it fuckin' hurts," I moaned without a thought, hastily shutting up when the voice that spoke my words roared.

"Pri... Princess?" I heard glass shatter; focusing my eyes was hard and the field of view was funky to say the least; I towered over Tony's shaking form by at least good few feet. Subconsciously, I felt the need to taste the air - my engineer boyfriend recoiled at the same time I realized I had stuck out my-Venom's-our tongue, feeling the familiar salt and musk as if I just straight up licked Tony from head to toe.

"Believe me, this is just as weird for me," I spoke, trying to control my and Venom's combined limbs. Deeply inside my brain, I swear I felt the symbiote's snickering. "Venom, can you unattach yourself from me? Please?" I begged, absolutely hating Tony's expression of fear and confusion.

"WE HAVE TO DIGEST FIRST," The symbiote replied unapologetically but took control over the limbs, carelessly dropping Cabre at Tony's feet. "YOUR MERCENARY. SAME-DAY DELIVERY, NO RETURNS," We grinned together. I had felt Venom rummaging my brain for an appropriate joke and supplied it myself. The adrenaline rush arrived late, something I suspect was Venom's handiwork, and I basked in the sudden influx of joy and exhilaration.

Tony slowly slid down the wall, landing ungracefully on his ass, staring straight up with unblinking eyes. "Friday, please assemble the Avengers. And make Bruce bring me booze, please," I've never heard Tony this dejected.

I, on the other hand, was feeling really strange. Joyful one moment and confused the next, I let Venom handle most of the business as my mind faded in and out of focus, limbs growing heavy with each breath that I took. Or I didn't? Panic set in when I realized I couldn't breathe, couldn't inhale.

"CALM DOWN, MORSEL. I AM SUPPLYING YOU WITH THE OXYGEN," Venom's voice interrupted my panic attack as I once again was deposited in the calm, comfortable darkness. "SHE IS FINE. SYMBIOSIS CAN BE STRESSFUL FOR FIRST TIME HOSTS. I WILL GLADLY RETURN TO EDDIE AS SOON AS THE CHEMICALS IN OUR SYSTEM ALLOW ME TO SAFELY WITHDRAW." I heard more voices and I assume Venom calming down the newly arrived Avengers. My mind was still murky, like when Venom dulled it on purpose when they were eating people. Eating people. "I SUGGEST YOU PREPARE A WASTE BIN. MORSEL WILL MOST LIKELY FEEL SICK."

Oh boy, did I feel sick! As soon as Venom retracted back into my skin, I hurled, Steve catching the most of it by pushing a large bucket right in my face whilst Bruce gently rubbed my back. I avoided looking at the contents even though I consciously knew that there wasn't much more than water and bile, having previously felt first-hand exactly how Venom digested their food.

"I'm a dumbass, please put me out of my misery," The words were spoken seriously. Physically, I felt the best I've ever had: aches and pains I had gotten used disappeared and my body felt invigorated. Mentally, however, I felt drained, confused and so, so alone in my skin. As if my brain itched. Someone was talking and I heard none of it.

"Shh, come here, come here," Eddie's voice was drowsy as his arms wrapped around me, scratching that lonely itch in my brain. I grasped at him, hiding my face in his chest, missing most of what was being said. "Yeah, it's not exactly painful, more like... You feel not whole for a few hours after you separate. Not the best feeling, especially if the separation was forced," His voice bore the same pain I seemed to be experiencing at the moment. So alone in my skin.

Another large palm landed on my back as I sighed in contentment. "I'll take her. Do you guys need something?" Bruce's voice reached my ears, my brain finally agreeing to recognise human speech.

"A shower and some chocolate would be great, thank you," Eddie's voice receded further and further away as I freely, finally fell into Bruce's embrace.

"I warned you, Tony," Natasha spoke softly, coming over to brush my hair out of my face. I opened my eyes to see most of the team wearing identical looks of astonishment and worry, their eyes focused on me. Natasha was the only one who had respect clearly written on her face. "C'mon, let's go sit down so you can tell us what happened."

I avoided their eyes, fitfully clutching Bruce's arm as all of us sat down on the couch in a pile of superheroes. I guess I could be counted as one too, after the stunt I'd pulled. The mercenary was nowhere to be seen; Bucky's shirt bore bloodstains so I assumed he took the man to the underground levels where he and Natasha kept a few cells for off-the-record interrogations.

"So?" Tony's voice was hard; he avoided my face, too.

"Planned a plan. Executed the plan. It mostly worked, except the merc was possessed, too. He took out Eddie, I volunteered as a host. We ate the croonies," I stuttered slightly, fighting with myself to call the things by their names without having to throw up. "Grabbed the merc, grabbed Eddie and went home." I stared straight ahead, only partially aware of Bruce's disappointed sigh behind me.

"And it never crossed your mind that you shouldn't be doing this? All this hiding, this lying?" Tony asked, finally settling his hard stare on me. "There are professionals already working on this. It's not your job." His words were harsh but truthful.

Only this truth didn't sit well with me. I'd been monitored for years; there were too many secrets kept from me, too many what-ifs hung over my head. It was made worse by the uncertainty: did Tony know? Did Natasha know? Who else was hiding the fact that there had been a target on my back all along?

"Isn't it?" Anger began to creep in. I shrugged off Bruce's arm. "Isn't it my job to know your little organisation has been onto my ass for years? Isn't it my job to know I would have ended up in that position anyways, considering the fact that at least one hostile mutant gang wanted me to help them take over the world?" I stood up, interlocking my hands behind my back to conceal the shaking fingers. "Isn't it may fucking job to make sure that someone does something about the fact that my family is going crazy from helplessness?" I finished, looking directly at Tony. I hated seeing him recoil but some things needed to be said. "If you expected me to sit and do nothing while this bullshit is happening, you do not know me. At all."

"Years?" Barton interrupted in confusion. "I didn't even know you existed until Peter brought you over."

"Yes, Bird, years," I began to pace in agitation. "Apparently, many people think I'm much smarter than I am. I'm sure Cabre will be happy to tell you all about it," I sneered, stopping in front of the window to look at the dim, sleeping city. "Everybody seems to know about me more than I know about myself. I'm sick and I'm tired of people telling me what to do."

The silence behind me was telling. Maybe they really didn't know or maybe they just didn't really care. I wasn't naïve, I didn't expect gratitude for doing what I did but understanding would have been nice. Paradoxically, Venom's attitude was the most humane out of the whole gang. I hated being disappointed in people but ultimately, their safety and happiness was much more important than my feelings. They gave me a family - even if it was for a brief moment - and I owed them for it.

"Princess," Stephen's voice returned me back to reality. "We do not blame you. At least, I do not. We just want to know why didn't you trust us to help you," He pleaded quietly.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's the fact you still consider me a child, some wilting flower. And perhaps, sometimes I act carefree," I inspected their reflection in the darkness of the glass pane. "But the truth is, I do not forget and I rarely forgive. And I definitely do not appreciate some random motherfucker messing around with people that I love," As soon as those words left my mouth, the heaviness from my shoulders disappeared. "And I don't regret it. I will burn down everything and everyone if I have even the slightest chance to protect what's mine."

A sharp intake of breath, someone choking on a sob. I closed my eyes, not ready to see the disappointed faces of my family - in moments like these, their heroic nature on stark display, I realized how much I did not fit amongst the do-gooders. The work I did was forever going to be the ungrateful kind; that much I've known forever but it didn't make facing that fact any less hard.

Soft, feminine hand landed on my shoulder as Natasha's perfume invaded my personal space. "I'm proud of you," The spy said quietly, wrapping the arm around my shoulders. "You did everything we couldn't do. That's a big deal if you ask me."

"And just like that, we're supposed to be okay with... This?" Steve's voice sounded exhausted.

"Yes," Bucky replied darkly. "If it was me in that place, you would have done the same. Oh wait," His tone turned sarcastic. "You did do the same. So, shut up, punk. We're lucky bastards if we have a person like that on our side."

I expected tears but none came. I felt nothing but relief, painful, as if I had spent weeks and weeks cramped up in a small space, unable to freely move and breathe.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

#party favours #bun writes #tony stark x reader #bruce banner x reader #stephen strange x reader #tony stark x y/n #tony stark x you #bruce banner x y/n #bruce banner x you #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you

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angelsswirl · 4 years

Text

Been Through

Chapter 2: Did the heartbreak change me

Notes: Hi, this story has been completed since I last posted on here. Sorry that I haven't been keeping up with posting on here but I wasn't aware people were reading it. But nevermind that. Here is the next chapter. PS. I'm on mobile so it's ugly.

Don't show up, don't come out. Don't start caring about me now. Walk away, you know how.

Lily poked at the bag of fish with a curiously sticky finger. You had told her to stop, lest she stress out the fish, but telling a four year old to do anything only yielded a 45% positive result.

You were barely in the house 10 minutes before your phone rung. You made the mistake of answering without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Y/N." Rosé's voice is soft, a lot less accusatory than Jennie's was. That was something you greatly appreciated.

"Hi, Chae."

There was a pause on the other end. Then, Chaeyoung started to frantically whisper something to someone else. You raised an eyebrow, but before you could question anything, she spoke to you again.

"Let's meet up for coffee."

You feel as those you don't really have a choice, "That sounds...nice."

Lily is happy to spend some time with her babysitter, while you go out. You assumed she's a bit tired of just you all the time. And surprisingly, that doesn't make you feel bad.

The coffee shop is some out of the way hole in the wall. You're not sure how Rosé found it, but you're glad she did.

You laughed as your companion sat down in front of you. The four years hadn't changed much of anything, other than maybe her hair.

"Why are you laughing at me? Do I have something on my face?" She's wearing a mask, so even if she did, you wouldn't be able to tell.

"No. It's just funny to see you without your gaggle of managers, and screaming fans."

Rosé hummed and took a sip of the coffee you had ordered for her.

"Yeah, we've been let off the leash so to speak. It's great."

You nodded, then frowned.

"So, Jennie told you."

"Told me what? That I have a niece that I knew nothing about?" Chaeyoung doesn't seem mad, maybe a tad disappointed but she does well to keep it off of her face.

"...Yeah. Did she tell anyone else?" You're trying to be subtle, but you've never been very good at that.

"You mean did she tell Lisa? I'm sure she overheard. Jennie doesn't whisper." Chaeyoung shrugged.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I wanted to stay, I really did, but then I found out I was pregnant and I didn't want to ruin anyone's career with the inevitable scandal that would have been. So I left." Your hands wrung in your lap.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"I already told Jennie-"

"I'm not talking about her."

"Then who?"

"Her." Chaeyoung pointed to behind you, toward the entrance of the cafe.

Lisa stood there, searching the place for Rosé probably.

"Why did you invite her?" You snarled.

"I didn't. She follows me around. But she's here and you might as well say what you need to say."

"I don't have anything to say."

Lisa spotted Chaeyoung and started to bound over to your table.

"Well then, you have three seconds to come up with something. I don't think she saw you, but she saw me and that's more than enough for her."

You rolled your eyes and flopped back into the booth.

"Chae! Why'd you leave me alone with-" Lisa's breath caught in her throat. Cutting off her sentence. Her eyes were stuck on you like she had seen a ghost. And maybe, she had.

"Hi, Lisa. You can sit if you want." You said. Only looking halfway up her face.

Lisa didn't move until Chaeyoung yanked her down into the seat.

"Y/N..."

"In the flesh." This was suddenly terribly awkward.

"Jennie said that you-but I didn't-Y/N?" Lisa seemed more confused than anything. Confusion you could deal with, anger you could deal with, but the underlying layer of sadness it seemed both Lisa and Jennie were harboring is what you couldn't handle. Or rather, didn't want to.

"I had to get away." Your eyes stay glued to the spot just left of Lisa's light brown hair.

"From me?"

You sighed heavily. Rosé was pretending not to listen if the sounds of Candy Crush coming from her phone was anything to go by.

"No."

You're not lying. You hadn't been running from Lisa. Not really.

"Then why'd you leave me-us. Why'd you leave us?"

Your brows knitted together, you figured by now it would have been obvious why you left. Was Jennie meeting your child not explanation enough?

"Jennie and I broke up. I went to a bar got piss drunk, pushed myself into an early heat, fucked you, then I ran back to Jennie out of guilt, fucked her. Found out I was pregnant like three weeks later. You expect me to stay after that?"

Lisa stayed silent. Rosé played Candy Crush faster. If that was even possible.

"Jennie had just gotten over the Kai thing. What were people going to think when I showed up pregnant and Dispatch or someone else did a little bit more digging? That would have ended bad for Jennie and even worse for me."

"And if she's not Jennie's?" Lisa nibbled at her bottom lip. Your eyes traced the movement with a scowl.

"Oh, you wanted a scandal too?"

Lisa rolled her eyes at that, "You do know, don't you?"

"The way you said that made me sound like a whore, but, yes I do know. Thank you for the concern." You blew out a breath before grabbing for your purse.

"Wait! That's it? You're not going to tell me?!"

"No. It won't change anything. Just because we're not in South Korea anymore, doesn't mean the same things won't happen. All four of you are still my friends, but...Lily doesn't need any of that confusion right now."

"Lily doesn't need that confusion or you don't?" You were wondering how long Rosé was going to stay quiet. You're proud of her for lasting as long as she did.

"I'll see you guys some other time." You stood up from the booth and made to leave.

"Can we at least see her? Hang out like we used to?"

Your face softened, and your shoulders hunched, "Of course you can. I'm mean, not evil."

Lisa chuckled at the inside joke, "Cool."

You turned toward the door once more.

"Y/N!"

You turned back around.

"You're going to have to unblock my number if you want to arrange that playdate."

You winced and nodded, "Sorry."

Lisa only smiled softly, "It's okay."

~~~

"You're going to a special type of Hell."

"What? Why?"

"Because you have the hots for your friend's ex-girlfriend."

Lisa scoffed, a bit too loudly, "I don't have the hots for Y/N."

"Do you think I'm stupid? You know what? Don't answer that. Anyway, all I know is that you like Y/N, and so does Jennie. Though, she's a bit too pissed to realize it at the moment."

Lisa crossed her arms, her eyes never left their spot on the door that you had just left through.

"I don't like her. Like that."

"Then why'd you sleep with her?" Rosé asked as she typed furiously. She was currently fielding questions from Jisoo on their whereabouts.

"That was four years ago. She was in heat. We were both drunk. It was pretty hard to fight my instincts."

"That's not the only thing that was hard." Rosé mumbled.

"Chae!"

"All I'm saying is drunken minds speak sober thoughts."

Lisa rolled her eyes at her company.

"Whatever."

#blackpink fanfic #blackpink #lisa fanfic #lisa x reader #jennie x reader #jesssica's fanfic #been through #jennie fanfic #alpha beta omega #g!p

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possiamo-andare · 4 years

Text

No More Divisions - Chapter Eight: Why Should We Help?

JJ x Original Character

MASTERLIST

At the makeshift headquarters beside the lighthouse, there's two tents. I'm guessing Kiara, Pope and JJ are in tent one because I'm in tent two and all that's in tent two is an officer watching me and a row of computers. They're turned off but I can still tell that this tent is a precaution, just in case they need to call in for more man power. For a teenager.

I'm sitting on a chair that has been pulled out of a computer desk. It's uncomfortable and I'm becoming more irritable the more I sit and do nothing. This also probably has to do with me being separated from my friends, but I don't care. I'm taking out my anger on this poor officer, who is seriously not doing anything, other than his job.

"I want to go." I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest.

The officer turns to me and rolls his eyes. "Anything else, madam?" His sarcasm is even more annoying than his voice.

"Yeah, your mom's number." I spit bad, acting very juvenile. I guess JJ has really rubbed off on me.

"Just sit still. Your parents should be here soon. Then you can go home." The officer says, one arm forward. He's trying to calm me down but it's not working. It's actually only making me even more pissed.

"I don't want to go home." I angrily mumble. "I need to see my friends."

The officer chuckles. "Not happening, sweetheart."

I roll my eyes. "Don't patronize me buddy." I had no idea where this arrogance was coming from. I was intimidated by the police but now, after all that I've been through, I could care less.

"Listen kid -" The officer is about to start on me, probably about respecting authority and your elders but he doesn't get the chance. Walking through the tent to meet me is the fed I saw from before, my parents, Ward, and Rafe.

I get up instantly. "Stay away from them!" I say, grabbing my mom and dad and standing in front of my parents.

I block them from Ward and Rafe, who are now face to face with me. For the first time since Peterkin's death, I'm looking Ward dead in the eyes. He looks back, very arrogant for someone that's guilty and surrounded by cops. But I guess it pays to be Ward Cameron; everyone believes you're good all the time.

"Callie," my mom cried, pulling me away from Ward and hugging me. "We were worried sick."

My dad hugged me and my mom. This is the first time I've seen them embrace in months. Its sad to think me going missing has brought them closer together.

"Once you get home, you're grounded." My dad says sternly, his eyes instantly softening. "But for now, we're so glad you're safe."

I'm happy to see them but I have to pull away. I have bigger things to be concerned about. I don't know if Sarah or John B. are okay, not to mention I have no idea how Kiara, Pope, and JJ are.

I look to the fed, glaring at him. "Where are my friends?"

I the fed nodded to his right. "They're in the next tent. I actually want to talk to you."

Ward's eyes widen. "Why? She's been clearly brainwashed by John B."

The fed looked at Ward. "It's just protocol.

My eyes widen now. "No!" The fed turns to look at me again. "I was there when Peterkin was shot. I know who did it."

My parents gasp. I look to them quickly and once I see their disappointed faces I have to look away. I feel a hand grab onto my arm. I look to my right and see it's Rafe. His eyes are filled with tears.

"Please Callie," he begged, "you don't know what you're doing."

I scoffed, ripping my arm away from his grasp. "I know exactly what I'm fucking doing. Get away from me." My anger is boiling over but I control myself. I have to do this for Sarah and John B. If they're not here to clear their names, then I will do it for them.

"Callie, I love you." Rafe chokes on his tears.

My hurt almost hurts for him. I swallow and the hurt is gone. "No." I say sternly.

Rafe nods quickly. "I do. I knew I loved you since you first said hello. We're so good together, we can go back to that place."

My mind goes to JJ. I feel his hand on my back and I remember his smile. "I don't love you Rafe. I don't think I ever did."

Love is supposed to make you feel giddy. Love is supposed to make you want to get out of bed. It makes you want to dance. Love is in the simple actions. Like, just talking for hours to them. Every kiss should feel like the first kiss. Every hug should feel like the first touch. I never felt that with Rafe; it was always more of an obligation. With JJ, it's natural. It's easy.

Rafe swallows, his tears sliding down his face. A year falls down his face. It's only one and he wipes it away quickly. Embarrassed, he then backs away, moving away from me.

I look to my parents. My mom is giving me a sweet smile. My dad, who always liked Rafe, seemed a little disappointed. I can't look at them any longer. Everytime I look at them, I feel very sad. I know I've let them down.

I look to the fed again. "If you let me see my friends, I'll do whatever you want."

The fed thinks for a moment and it's so silent in the tent. Then, he speaks, "Follow me." He tells Ward, Rafe and my parents to stay behind because it might cause too much drama. That's an understatement.

We both walk out of the tent, both staying silent. Finally, before we enter the first tent, he says one thing. "I believe you."

I am shocked. It feels so good for someone to say that to me. "Really?"

The fed nods. "You might not want to believe this but I am on your side."

As he says this, he pulls the curtain to the side and my eyes search for blond hair. This tent looks exactly like the other except there's just more people here. Dozens and dozens of officers walk and talk, doing god knows what.

Then I see it. Blond hair. It's JJ.

My heart bursts with joy. "JJ!"

JJ hears me over all the commotion and turns around, looking for me. Once our eyes lock, butterflies erupt in my stomach. He's there. It's been three hours without him but it feels like more. It feels like an eternity.

Once I see the smile on his face, I start to run. I'm pushing past the officers and I'm not being polite. I tell them to move. JJ, funny enough, is doing the same. Once we're close enough, my arms reach out to him and he does the same. I'm hugging him so tight I think I might suffocate. He's hugging just as tight though. I can feel his heartbeat as his chest presses against mine and I smile even wider. Hearing his heartbeat and touching him makes this whole ordeal better.

"God, I missed you." I smiled, pulling away from him for a moment.

"I would too." He jokes but I know what he truly means. He missed me too.

I can't help it. Even if we're in front of all these officers and our friends, I still kiss JJ. He's kissing me back instantly. Each kiss is amazing. It's always like the first time. I don't think my heart will ever be able to adapt to how he makes me feel. I want to deepen the kiss but decide against it since we are in public.

I pull away. "Are Kiara and Pope okay?"

JJ nods. "They're here. How about you?"

I shrug. "Better now."

JJ reaches up to my brown hair and pushes it behind my ear. His hand rests on my cheek for a moment then he pulls away. "Callie, I -"

"Callie!" Kiara yells from behind JJ.

I let go of JJ and and run past him to her and Pope. I'm sure whatever he has to tell me, he can say later. I'm just so glad to see that they're alright.

I embrace Kiara and I can feel her smile on my shoulder. "I'm so glad you're safe."

I smile back, still hugging her. We don't say anything for a few moments and then we finally let go of each other. Pope is now beside her, his arms out for me. I'm smiling so wide now. He was very apprehensive at first but now we're friends.

Once we hug, he speaks, "I'm glad too."

"Sorry to break up this reunion," the fed speaks from behind me. "But we need your help."

I let go of Pope and turn to the fed. I look at JJ. He's glaring at the fed. I walk to JJ and pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down. I know he doesn't trust this fed but I'm starting to. It might be naive but what other choice do I have?

"And why should we trust you?" JJ bitterly asks, Kiara and Pope nodding along with him.

I can see Deputy Shoupe behind the fed and I want to roll my eyes. He's listening in on our conversation and since he's such an ass, he speaks up before the fed has a chance.

"Because we want John B. and Sarah to live."

That grabs all of our attention. The fed shoots Shoupe a glare but he doesn't get a chance to say anything because JJ is already in his face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" JJ spits back.

I'm holding onto his bicep, trying to pull him away from the Deputy. JJ looks like he's ready to fight and that's the last thing I want. "JJ..."

He looks to me. His face softens and he backs up a little, standing beside me again. When he loosens his arms and lets them fall to his sides, I grab ahold of his hands.

"What Deputy Shoupe means," the fed says slowly, shooting Shoupe one last glare before looking back to us, "is that right now John B. and Sarah are on a boat, headed into a storm. They won't make it through the storm."

How did Sarah get on the boat with John B.? Did he stops to pick her up? I don't know and honestly don't care right now. My only priority right now is to make sure John B. and Sarah are safe.

"What do you need us to do?" Kiara asks, speaking up for the first time. I look to her and I can instantly read her face. She's so worried.

The fed sighed. "I need you to go on the radio and tell them to turn their boat around."

Once we all heard this, there was an uproar from all of us. That was not an option. The second John B. and Sarah's boat hit solid ground we all knew that the police would arrest them. This was their plan all along. The storm was a perfect setup. Sure we might save them from the storm, but we wouldn't be saving them from the police.

"Yeah, so you can arrest them the second they get here." Pope angrily spit back.

"Fuck off." JJ says, rolling his eyes.

"They will die if you don't do this." The fed argued, looking to me. "You really want your friends to die?"

That was it. This time, I wasn't gonna let this fed blame us. If he had done his job correctly, we wouldn't even be in this situation.

"How dare you try to blame us." I said coldly. Everyone looked to me, shocked. Even Shoupe seemed surprised that I had taken such a tone with a federal officer.

"I'm not -" The fed tried to explain. I wouldn't let him.

"No, you are." I looked to JJ. His smirk was what made me continue. "If you had done your job properly we wouldn't even be in this situation. If any of you just stopped and listened, John B. and Sarah wouldn't be on that boat headed towards that storm. But you won't listen and I don't know why. Is it because we're teenagers? It doesn't matter because we're not helping you arrest our friends."

It was silent for a moment as everyone processed my words. Even I had to process my words. I can't believe I had just said that. Maybe going through all of this gave me the confidence I needed. After a minute, JJ was the first to speak up.

"We're not gonna help the people that never helped us."

I looked to JJ, a frown on my face. I knew what he meant. It has been years and years and still, no officer ever helped him with getting out of his dad's house. I'm sure people knew what was going on. Most of the town did. They just chose to do nothing. Why should he want to help them now. JJ looked back at me, giving me a half smile. I knew he was trying his best to not show how upset he was with Shiupe and the fed and I wanted to kiss him for being so brave.

The finally responded by nodding and saying, "If you won't help us, then someone else will."

I heard Pope scoff from behind me. "Yeah? Who's gonna help you?"

That's when I saw him. Entering the tent, a face full of fake concern for his daughter, was Ward Cameron.

Shoupe smirked and pointed to Ward. "He will."

#jj maybank #outer banks #jj obx #jj outer banks #jj x callie #jj x oc #john b #john b obx #john b outer banks #john b routledge #obx kiara #kiara carrera #kiara outer banks #pope obx #pope heyward #pope outer banks #obx fanfiction #obx #obx netflix

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prncssparklwt · 4 years

Text

BACK TO LIFE | Z.M.

by: PRNCSSPARKLWT

THIS STORY IS COMPLETE FICTION. ZAYN MALIK AND NIALL HORAN HAVE NO RELATION TO THIS STORY. THEIR NAMES AND LOOKS ARE USED FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MY STORY TELLING. I DO NOT HAVE ANY CONNECTIONS TO EITHER OF THEM. I RESPECT THEM AS ARTISTS AND AS INDIVIDUALS. THIS FANFIC INVOLVES UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUG USE, VULGAR LANGUAGE, AND YES, SEX. IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM AM I TRYING TO PORTRAY ZAYN AND NIALL PERSONALLY AS THE CHARACTERS IN THIS FANFIC. ONCE AGAIN, THIS STORY IS COMPLETE FICTION. IT WAS MADE UP BY ME AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL. THANK YOU, I TAKE FEEDBACK AND KINDLY STATED CRITICISM. ENJOY, BACK TO LIFE.

PILLOWTALK

The sun is starting to rise and the sheets are already starting to feel cold against her bare legs. The alarm clock flashes the time and maybe she's surprised that he's still here, the weight of his arm heavy and real against the bottom of her back. His hand is pressed up by the swell of her hip, she feels his nose resting at the top of her head. Moments like these remind her that time she shares with him are like sunsets, they start off so beautiful and vibrant, yet end in darkness.

She should probably get up and make it seem as though she doesn't even care that he's still in her bed as if he actually wants to sleep beside her. She should push his arm off and act as though he isn't important even when the slightest contact from him lights her up like matches long forgotten at the start of the summer. Zayn always had the power to make her feel like she was worth watching when she'd walk in the room. His eyes would always cast themselves up and down the length of her body and she wouldn't feel self conscious, she'd feel fucking august with the energy that would fill her.

"Adelina," his soft voice that raises goosebumps along her neck disrupts the silence. She knows if she answers her voice will go against her and whimper his name like it does on nights like last night. The arm that took homage on her hip snakes up her side and settles to curve at her stomach, the skin covered in delicate hair, his fingers press into the pudge and a giggle escapes Adelina's lips. "There we go, I can feel your thoughts in the air."

At least I know you can feel, she wants to say but bites her tongue. All she does is wiggle and suck in her stomach to escape the prodding fingers. Zayn takes the hint and lifts his hand away for it to change its path up to her neck, her throat being stretched when his hand angles her chin up. Her black hair cascades against the pillows as he slowly turns her towards him. His golden eyes like flickers of flame are soft. The pink of his tongue glistens in the disrupting sunlight as he licks his bottom lip. Adelina knows she should hate the man that makes her a stranger in her own bed, but that's just it, in her bed, he's in her bed. His hand loosens at her throat and the brown of Adelina's eyes grow a shade darker as his face leans closer to connect their lips. As their lips find refuge and his hands find their way to parts of her that they know so intimately, she is reminded that this is not her forever. This is his goodbye.

So she lets him and his tongue make her pliant just as the sun is kissing the sky hello and darkness that settled in her room says farewell. She tries to imagine a world where this is hers and for her to keep, a world where Zayn does not leave so he can hide just as the moon does in daylight. A life where he is hers and she doesn't have to wonder if tonight she'll see him as he knocks on her window or if she'll get to see him at the skatepark where it seems he's actually a real person.

Zayn leads his mouth down to her neck and along her collarbone, he kisses over the marks he's left just under where the collar of her shirts will end. Zayn believes she is his in all aspects physical but as he lifts himself up to start getting dressed, Adelina struggles to accept the fact that she is his, in all ways physical, mentally, and emotionally.

He picks up his sweater to pull up over his head and Adelina watches his tattoos disappear as they get covered by pale yellow. His hair is messy and stuck up in all the wrong places and Adelina lets out a small huff of a laugh and Zayn turns to her from where he's standing at the foot of her bed.

"What's so funny?" He asks and places a knee on the bed, the light purple duvet dips underneath his weight.

"Your hair is messy." Adelina comments as she pulls the duvet up to her nose to hide her smile and he mocks a frown to run his fingers through his hair.

"And yours is any better?" He laughs and Adelina's eyes go wide and her hands shoot up to smooth out the baby hairs that have decided to stand up from her scalp like stubborn weeds. "You don't look any different, really." Zayn smiles as he leans closer to her, his legs between hers over the duvet, hips pressing down on hers.

"Zayn Javaad finally being seen not looking perfect? The horror, the rarity I am witnessing is aston-" Adelina gets cut off by his lips on her neck that makes her laugh because his stubble has begun to tickle her. He pulls away from her neck and looks down at her, their eyes meeting.

"You need to get ready before your dad comes to wake you up and sees a tattooed muslim in your bed." He tells her and she rolls her eyes. Her dad would not be up for about two more hours, Zayn knew this, but she feels it's just a ploy for him so he can leave. I should be used to him leaving, Adelina thinks.

"I think he'll be more disappointed to see his son's best friend in his daughter's bed." When the words leave her lips, she can feel him detach physically and mentally. Her brother Yousef has been friends with Zayn since they could both barely crawl, their mothers were close friends when they attended university and stayed in close contact. Zayn was even more around when their mother got sick, him and his mother were over a lot to help Adelina's father take care of them. He eventually became like a brother to them and a son to their father. Zayn looked up to their father a lot for guidance as his father had left them about seven years ago. Adelina knows she's struck a nerve, she reaches up to place a hand at his jawline, her thumb rubbing along his cheekbone. "I didn't mean to upset you, it was just a joke."

"One that holds truth, if your dad ever found out about us, if Yousef ever found out." Zayn shakes his head and gets up completely and Adelina wishes her mouth waited for her mind to decide on something before saying it. The warmth Zayn's body supplied is gone and she sits up and the duvet pools around her, her chest is slightly exposed and she ignores the glance Zayn gives her.

"They won't ever know, we've been smart about this. Besides, Yousef doesn't even care about what I do." She says and she knows it's a partial lie. Her brother does care about the things she does, especially if it means it puts him in higher graces with their Baba. Yousef always wants to be the favorite, and he kind of is. She tells this lie though in hopes it'll stop Zayn's thoughts of stopping what they have, she might not be able to have him completely, but she's not going to give up what she does get.

"He might not care when it comes to you but he's always on my ass." Zayn exhales and he's slipping on his skidded up white vans. "Constantly reminding me that I need to get a job, making sure I worked out, did I eat, were my final grades at the university good enough." He finishes up his rambling by standing up and finally turning towards her again.

"It's like he's your boyfriend." Adelina widens her eyes in case of Zayn's reaction and all he does is glare at her and she laughs with her head thrown back. "I'm just saying, oh my god, what if he's gay? Has Yousef said anything to you?" She suddenly questions and thinks about how good her brother dresses and now she's thinking about the time he literally got voted the prettiest his senior year in high school.

"Adelina, he's not gay!" Zayn remarks and throws something soft at her face. It's an old shirt of his, she wears it to sleep sometimes, like last night. Though he peeled it off of her before she actually got to sleep in it.

"It's a possibility." She starts to put the shirt on.

"I think I would know if my best friend is gay." Zayn explains as Adelina gets up and pulls the shirt down over her butt. "That's not even the point here, the point is, I should not be sleeping with my best friend's little sister in the first place."

"But you are, we both agreed to it, there's nothing wrong with liking our privacy in what we do when we're alone." Truth is, Adelina doesn't know how she would react if her family found out about them. Everyone is so sure Zayn is going to marry a beautiful muslim girl and have a few kids while he sells his art and his wife becomes an actress. He may be laid back and talks gently, but he's still gorgeous and pretty people marry pretty people. They see the three of them as a trio of siblings since their mom passed and they all ended up growing together. Adelina has pictures of all of them in kiddie pools and them eating mud pies.

"I know," He says quietly. Zayn walks over to Adelina's bedroom window and pulls the soft white curtains away to slide open the glass. "I'll see you at Toni's later." Is all he says as he leaves out the window to walk home, about two blocks from Adelina's.

Adelina just smiles because the words that want to come out of her mouth are, stay, please stay. When he doesn't turn back as he walks towards the front of her house she knows to just shut her window. He doesn't ever look back, no smile to say goodbye or a wave to acknowledge her one more time. When the glow of his yellow sweater disappears she turns away from the window and looks at her room. The bed has indents from where their bodies found solace within each other, her covers thrown around. She notices his beanie on her beige carpet by the side he slept on and how there's one of his rings on the bedside desk. It's the ring he usually leaves here so he has some excuse to be in her bedroom again, she always tells him he doesn't have to have a reason to come back, he can just show up. He would just shrug and she wishes she could understand his logic about any of this because he never wants to express how he feels about anything unless he accidentally lets it slip out.

"Lina!" The sound of Yousef's voice is heard from outside her door. She doesn't get to answer before he's already rattling her door knob, as if she'd have it unlocked while Zayn is over. "Why is the door locked? You know Baba doesn't like when we do that."

She quickly yanks up a pair of grey sweats from the floor and pulls Zayn's shirt away from her chest so her breasts aren't as noticeable. She yanks open the door. "I was about to change for the day, which is why it was locked. You didn't even wait for an answer or even knock before coming in. What if I had been naked?" Adelina says annoyed and Yousef rolls his eyes.

"Baba isn't up yet and it's our turn to make breakfast." Is all he says.

When the sun is finally setting and Adelina has showered, she stands in her room and watches herself in the mirror. Her olive toned thighs touch, meshing together, her stomach has a pudge that she tends to hide with high waisted jeans, her breasts are C cups that she has a hard time fitting into the cute tops she likes, and her arms are not as toned as she'd want them. Yet she finds beauty in all of this, her long wavy black hair and thick browed big brown eyes, prominent cheekbones, even the slight chubbiness under her chin all look beautiful to her. Her Baba always tells her she is. She also knows Zayn wouldn't even waste his time on her if she wasn't. It's not like she's ugly and he's using her, she gets the same attention he does in the end. They both get the same ending.

She's wearing dark high waisted bell bottoms, black long sleeve tucked in, she's left her hair down in waves, and she's put on eyeliner along with some highlighter. She's also sprayed on her best perfume for tonight because she'll be around a lot of people.

"Alright, we have to be home before midnight, unless I say I'm spending the night at Zayn's and you're staying with Emelia next door." Yousef says as he walks in dressed in a white t-shirt, black jeans, his black hair styled up out of his face. He plops down on her bed. Emelia is Zayn's neighbor and also Adelina's best friend since freshman year, if Yousef stays out, Adelina can as well. Which bothers her because Yousef's been able to go out on his own since he was sixteen and she's eighteen while he's now twenty-one. She still needs Yousef's supervision usually if they're "going out" with friends when in reality they're actually going to a party.

"I can stay at Emelia's, she'll be at the party anyways." Adelina reaches for her jean jacket that's about a size too big but she likes that it hangs off her shoulders sometimes. Yousef gets up and waits for her to slip on her red vans. He leaves the room expecting her to follow but Adelina reaches down to her bedside table and grabs Zayn's ring and beanie. He can find a better excuse to see her.

Their father is sat at the kitchen table, auto body magazines splayed all around him, he owns one of the best mechanic shops in town. His hair is peppered black and silver, his eyes are piercing green like Yousef's. His tan face, also much like Yousef's, is adorned with a dark beard, he smiles at the both of them. "You both look great." Their father says and brings his mug to his mouth.

"Thank you Baba," Yousef smiles back. "We've decided to stay at Zayn and Emelia's tonight, if that's okay." Their father contemplates this but he agrees that it's okay, they go to him and Adelina kisses her father on the cheek and Yousef does the same. He bids them goodbye as they walk out the door with their overnight bags slung on their shoulders.

"He's so quick to agree with the things you decide." Adelina comments as Yousef starts the car.

"He trusts me." Yousef says and Adelina rolls her eyes and glances at the sky. The sky is starting to get dark even when it's already after eight in the afternoon. Summer days always seem longer.

"Baba can trust me if you're implying he doesn't." Adelina remarks and she turns her gaze to Yousef, he turns the blinker on to turn the street.

"Not saying he doesn't, Lina. It's because I'm older so he's positive that I have better judgement." Her brother tries to give her a small smile but she's already looking away again.

"It's because you're a boy, Yousef, not because you're older." The pettiness is thick in her tone and she knows it's the truth. Baba trusts Yousef more because he doesn't think Adelina can make decisions or think clearly on her own if she doesn't have a male input.

"Well if that's the case, I'm sorry, I don't think he does it intentionally. It's how he was raised too." That's the only explanation her brother can give her and for now she takes it. They've arrived at Toni's.

Toni graduated a year before she did, his parents also own a batting cage facility since his dad had the chance to go pro but had an injury in college. Since then Toni's dad invested in batting cages and coaching a little league and the high school's baseball team. It also serves as a great place to have parties when his father is out of town for sponsorship conventions. The building is lower than the streets, as it was built into a dip for the batting cages to have more height than length. The netting can be seen from the parking lot, where other cars have already parked to start the night. Yousef parks towards the entrance so they can make a quick leave if they need to. Adelina isn't the type to get black out drunk or insanely high at these sorts of things, but Yousef, he'd enjoy forgetting his name for the night.

When they finally make it to where a crowd has been formed and there's people handing out red cups by the kegs, Yousef is quick to leave her side. Adelina doesn't care if her brother drinks, he's of age, and she could care less that she definitely sees two girls who obviously are barely becoming juniors passing a blunt with a group. It's high school, the world would be lying if it said teenagers don't drink and smoke. Adelina barely did the summer before her senior year once she started hanging out with Zayn and Yousef more. They brought her to parties that graduated seniors were throwing and now she was out even more because she's eighteen, Zayn is twenty, and Yousef is twenty-one. Baba was okay with this because he didn't know they were actually parties, and he trusted Yousef and Zayn. The sleepover at Emelia's while Yousef at Zayn's was their go to plan these past months.

"Lina!" Adelina turns towards the voice and it's Emelia in high waisted shorts, a bright red bralette, and a vintage looking jacket on. Her short brown hair is curled and her pale skin glows under the batting cages' lights. "Please tell me you're spending the night so I have someone to make sure I don't drown in the toilet as I vomit all my mistakes from tonight." She comes up and throws an arm around Adelina's shoulders.

"I am at your service." Adelina smiles and Emelia cups her mouth and woo's into the air twice. "I'm guessing your parents aren't home?"

"Nope, my dads are at their three day anniversary spa with Ronnie and Kenny." She shakes her head and makes a funny face. "You think they didn't take me because they're all gonna have some sort of orgy?"

"Ugh, Lia!" Adelina shouts and they both start laughing. "I wouldn't put it past them actually... remember what we found in their closet?"

Emelia's face contorts into exaggerated horror. "Oh god, the fluffy handcuffs and endless amounts of rope, why did they need so much?"

"Your dads will never cease to amaze me at how different they are compared to all of our parents." Emelia just shrugs at Adelina and pulls her closer.

Her voice settles into a whisper. "So am I going to be sleeping alone while you and Zayn get it on in my guest bedroom?" Adelina's mouth drops and she playfully pushes Emelia at the shoulder.

"That was one time!" She laughs. "Besides, Yousef is staying at Zayn's so I hardly doubt he can make it over to yours unnoticed." Adelina doesn't tell her that he already left her bed this morning and she doesn't know if she can handle him leaving her in a bed they both don't know. Or worse, him leaving her and then going to hang out with her brother as if nothing happened.

"Bummer, I was so excited to hear the noises through my wall." Emelia fains a sad face and Adelina just rolls her eyes at her best friend.

The night continues with Adelina sipping two cups of beer and watching Emelia go through three and a few shots after she's played a game of beer pong as Yousef's partner. They won but Emelia still blames Yousef for her missed shots and blames Adelina for not being her partner. Yousef acts offended.

When Zayn finally arrives he's with two other guys who don't look at all happy to be there. Adelina watches him walk through the people who are dancing and trying not to spill their drinks more than they have already. His hair is gently pressed down and falling over his forehead, he wears a white long sleeve with the sleeves rolled up and tight black skinny jeans. He looks so soft, Adelina thinks. But the guys he's arrived with look rough, anyone paying them attention could tell they're not people you want to mess up with. Why is Zayn around those sorts of people? Adelina questions.

"You look really nice tonight." Her thoughts are cut off by a boy to her right, he's leaning against the table she's been sitting on waiting for Emelia to come back with another drink. The boy is Niall, she graduated with him and he looks at her with a soft smile. He's being genuine.

"Well thank you, Niall, how have you been?" She asks him and he decides to pull himself up on the table and sit beside her. Adelina doesn't mind.

"Good, getting ready for college. Where's Emelia?" He says and his gaze flickers around the lot to look for her erratic fireball of a best friend.

"She went to get more drinks for us, why what's up?" Adelina knows what's up. Niall and Emelia have been talking since the school year ended, they both really like each other.

"I just got here and haven't seen her." He laughs and that's when she comes walking from the keg. "Ah, there she is."

"There she is." Adelina nods.

"Here I am!" Emelia shouts.

Niall gets up to help her with the cups she's holding as she has a can of something else held to her side using her arm. By the looks of it, it's some sort of fizzy alcoholic drink. Emelia ends up taking her cup back from Niall and handing him the fizzy canned drink and he smiles appreciatively at her.

"He has to be home tonight, he can't be drinking beer, they'll smell it on his breath." Emelia says and tries not to make eye contact with Niall. Who's smiling at her all big and his blue eyes are wrinkling at the sides. Adelina tries not to be jealous over seeing others have what she wishes she did, especially Emelia and Niall. They're her friends and she should be happy for them, she is, but she can't stop the sour taste in her mouth when Niall's arms wrap around Emelia's waist while they all laugh and Zayn is only about twenty feet away drinking with her brother. They could be this, Adelina thinks, they could be in each other's arms and she could laugh with her head settling back on his shoulder. He could hide his smiles in her neck, his hands playing with her belt loops, her hands caressing his hands under hers. It's hard trying to ignore what you so desperately want when you're given more behind closed doors for the wrong reasons.

The thing about Zayn, it's easy to tell when he wants Adelina. His eyes will flicker to her while he laughs softly at something her brother says to him. He'll hold himself up straighter and push his shoulders back to make a show of himself because he knows she's watching. God, is she always watching. Adelina wants to make herself seem uninterested because even if he displays himself as someone who could care less about who's watching him, he does like knowing Adelina has eyes on him. So she turns towards Emelia and Niall as they let her into the conversation. Adelina sips her cup, maybe she should stop, but as she brings it down there's already a hand on her cup. Her eyes trail from her cup to the hand that's over hers. The rings click in recognition first and then it's the tattoos, to the long arm and lean torso.

"Zayn." Adelina looks up at him and he gives her a delicate smile.

"We're going to dance!" Emelia suddenly announces and drags Niall with her and Adelina laughs at her best friend's antics again. She looks back up at Zayn.

"Dance with me," Adelina smiles and Zayn's mouth opens to protest but she speaks again. "Yousef is occupied and he won't care anyway."

"Yeah okay," Zayn rolls his eyes and that's when he sees Yousef lead a girl away from the crowd and is starting to make his way to the sheds where they keep all the bats and helmets. "People will talk to him about what they saw."

Adelina shakes her head and laughs. "You act like we haven't danced before in front of him."

Zayn gives her a look.

"Okay yes, that's at family parties where we're trying to avoid our parents setting us up with their friends' kids but seriously, everyone is dancing." Adelina throws her arm out to reference the crowd and Zayn follows where her hand points. Adelina blames the alcohol in her system for acting this way, she wants to dance and Zayn is near her, so why not dance with him.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Zayn says and Adelina just huffs while she stands up from the table and straightens her jean jacket out and fixes the waist of her jeans. She throws her hair behind her back and stares at Zayn's expressionless face.

"'Kay well I'm gonna dance then." And maybe this is all a plan to see if Zayn cares about what she does.

"Adelina," His voice dissipates as she makes her way to the crowd of people that are all dancing next to the make-shift DJ set Toni had set up. There's a few LED lights flashing into the crowd of people and the music is echoing around the lot but no one cares as the alcohol is settling in their bones.

Adelina pushes herself to the middle of the crowd where strangers have decided to dance cohesively together. She sees Emelia and Niall's faces through the other bodies and she can tell if Niall didn't need to be home tonight, she would have needed to stay in the guest room anyways. When the music blocks out everything she can hear and she feels the beat in her chest. The colors of the lights flicker when she closes her eyes and she's moving her hips to the sound of the song. Hands find her waist and she doesn't push them off but she turns towards the body that owns the hands. She's met with a tall guy with quiffed up blond hair and he smells nice, Adelina doesn't actually mind her dance partner. There's no harm with dancing with someone, besides, Zayn didn't want to dance with her.

LIKE I WOULD

When another song is about to start she feels another pair of hands on her waist that pull her back and she almost stumbles if it wasn't for the steady hold of the new set of hands. She's about to voice her surprise when lips press up against her ear. "Dancing like that and thinking I wouldn't come here was really bold of you."

The guy she was dancing with quickly found comfort in another part of the crowd and she wants to roll her eyes because come on, Zayn isn't that intimidating. Nonetheless Adelina lets his hands snake their way to the front of her body and settle at the top of her thighs. His front is pressed to her back and her mind takes her back to the moments they're in this same position but their skin is touching and his breath is ragged in her ear.

"Thought you cared if Yousef saw us." Adelina tilts her neck to the left and lets Zayn's face rest on her shoulder. He bites his lip in thought and shakes his head after the thought has passed over his mind.

"He was occupied." Is all he says as the song reaches its chorus and he pulls her closer and she lets her hips press back into his. They're covered by the crowd and everyone around them aren't familiar faces and if they don't know them then Yousef won't. Zayn's hands have tightened their grasp and she takes it as a good time to turn towards him. Their fronts are now close and her arms have woven themselves around his neck and he settles at the bottom of her back to pull her even closer. They can't ever be close enough, Adelina thinks. His eyes are hooded and their noses are pressed together gently and meet in a eskimo kiss as their bodies move. She can't help but glance down to his lips and he wets them with his tongue. Her mouth parts as one of her arms slide from his neck and settle on his bicep. Adelina's jean jacket hangs slightly off her shoulder and exposes the skin where her neck and shoulder meet. Zayn brings his face from hers down to her neck and presses his lips there. She lets her head fall back. If anyone looked at them, they would see two bodies pressed tightly together, arms wrapped so desperately, faces hidden from the shadows the lights create. They probably look like lovers. Adelina's mind tells her and she agrees. They're never this close in public, never the way they are in her bed, late at night, catching their breath. She wants to remember this moment, keep it locked away in the center of her chest, the moment Zayn felt like he didn't need to hide her. She's in his arms and there are other people here to witness this too, the thing she wants all the time, in the refuge of her own room and in the presence of a million eyes. She wants this, she wants him, she wants everything she wishes they could be.

Zayn gets pulled from her and her heart drops for a second. Expecting Yousef to be there angry eyed and hurt, but it's the guys Zayn arrived with. Zayn looks to Adelina and then to them, his expression hard to read. Who the hell are they? Adelina wonders. She opens her mouth to speak but they whisper something to Zayn and he quickly follows them as they walk away. Zayn leaves Adelina without a word as the music suddenly gets louder and all she can feel is the ghost of his lips he's left on her neck. The ghost he always leaves.

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

Disney Daze

A/n: This took forever to write just because of who I am as a person and I had like 0 motivation. But I'm back and ready to write. I really like this concept, so I hope the story does it justice.

Summary: They call it the happiest place on earth. Shawn and y/n think other wise.

Warnings: fluff and lots of it, slight mentions of smut.

***

Shawn looks down at you, his girlfriend, his hands tangled in yours. She's beautiful, he thinks to himself. You're standing next to him, sunglasses shielding your y/e/c eyes - they're his favorite place to get lost. You've been together for two years, and he'd been touring the majority of that time, so when he finally got some "time off" he took you with him to California.

Of course you had hoped it would be just the two of you on this little adventure, but would never admit that because he wants to see his friends too. And lucky for you, you're good with his team, so having them tag along wasn't all bad. Except for when Shawn got a little more handsy than he usually would and the guys would point it out by making more sexual jokes than you'd like. Neither of you are shy about the aspects of your relationship by any means; his friends and team use that against you though and love to make fun. They don't mean it maliciously, though and you both know that.

"You're undressing her with your eyes, Shawny boy," Teddy said, pulling the bill of his cap over his eyes. "I don't blame you though."

You laugh and fix his sunglasses while he pushes his hat back in place, "Oh Teddy, you're making me blush. I don't think your fiance will approve." You say just loud enough for Emily to hear. She was able to take a break from her busy filming schedule to join you guys.

"Oh, I approve. You're a cutie."

You shake your head, "Oh, you've got major competition now, bubs."

He hummed and pulled you closer. "They can look all they want. As long as I'm the one undressing you later tonight."

"Play your cards right and you just might get lucky," you said, wrapping your arms around his torso while you walked, making you both kind of slow down a little because the angle was all wrong, but neither of you wanted to let go. He hummed and kissed the top of your head.

"Where to first?" Josiah asked, but you two weren't paying much attention. You were so caught up in the proximity of each other that you couldn't focus on anything outside of your arms length - which just so happen to still be around each other. "Carsland it is!" He said after some discussion from the group. "Maybe we need partners. I'll be with y/n!" He exclaimed. That caught Shawn's attention.

"Over my dead body. She's my partner."

"Oh, so you can hear?" Andrew teased. "Good to know." He patted Shawn's shoulder. "Come on. We're going to Carsland."

"Wasn't Niall supposed to come with us?" You asked as you made your way deeper into the park. "Should we have waited for him at the entrance?"

Shawn shook his head, "He got tied up at the studio. Said he couldn't make it."

You got stopped only a handful of times on your way to the Cars, and that's probably the least amount he's ever been stopped in public with you. But neither of you minded the interruptions.

Shawn took you on nearly every ride - Radiator Springs Racers twice because he wanted to ride in both cars, took you into every store, begging to buy you something even though he'd already bought you more than you needed at the first store you went to. "They all have the same stuff," you shrugged, taking the change from his hand so you could do the penny press. "Really, bubs, I don't need anything else. I just want to make the pennies." You know he rolled his eyes from behind those glasses that covered his beautiful eyes far too well.

"There you guys are!" Teddy exclaimed when she finally found you in the corner of the shop. "Figures I'd find you making out in a corner."

"It's hard to make out when his hat literally hits my forehead every time he leans down to kiss me," I point out. Shawn chuckles and rests his hands on my waist.

"Why were you looking for us? We haven't been gone five minutes. We would have caught up." Shawn mumbled as we walked out into the blinding California sun.

"You've been gone twenty minutes. We started thinking you finally got mobbed." Finally, you giggled, as if it was an event that everyone knew would happen eventually. "Figured we would have to send out a rescue team here pretty soon."

"Well we're fine. No need to worry."

---

It was nearing three when you guys made your way over to the Disneyland side of the park.

"Look, babe!" You nodded to your right. "It's Belle!"

He hummed, "there's not a long line. You want to take a picture?"

"Only if you take one with me."

"Course I will. Josiah, will you take our picture?"

"That's what I do, man." He took Shawn's phone while we got in line.

"God, you're fucking beautiful," Shawn muttered to himself when he looked through all the photos you've taken together today. You and the team were all sitting in a shaded area, rehydrating after having walked for hours upon hours. You and him, however, didn't seem to be slowing down. He had managed to take you on another few rides, except for the really tall ones like splash mountain; you were on the verge of tears when he suggested it. So instead he took you to ride the tea cups - three times. He was currently rewatching the video he took of you spinning the cup around, giggling and just genuinely having a great time. He loved seeing you this way. Carefree and vibrant. It wasn't often that you let this side of you out and he knew that, making sure to bask in every moment where you didn't have a single care in the world.

Your chin rested on his shoulder, water bottle nearly empty in your hand. "Have I told you yet that I think you look very handsome today?" You pressed a soft kiss to the shell of his ear and heard him take in a breath.

"No. But thank you." His hand found your free one and he brought it to his lips for a quick kiss, and even though you wanted to keep your hands joined, his were starting to clam up and they were way too hot for you to hold them comfortably. "And have I told you yet that I'm so desperately in love with you?"

You thought it over, "Only like three times since we sat down," you teased.

"Haha, very funny." He booped the tip of your nose. "I'm still gonna tell you again. I love you. I mean it. I really, really do."

You hummed and leaned in to press a quick kiss to his cheek "I love you, too, rockstar." His hand rested on the back of yout head and he smoothly brought you to his lips, kissing you nice and slow, a soft gasp eliciting your mouth when his teeth sunk in your bottom lip.

"Hey!" Andrew threw an empty water bottle at the two of you, "We're in public! Keep it in your pants, maybe?" He said as you separated from your boyfriend, your face feeling hot.

Shawn shook his head, laughing, placing his tattooed hand on your thigh. "They're never allowed to come anywhere with us ever again."

"Definitely not," you agreed.

---

The walk back to the car consisted of Shawn running around aimlessly with you on his back and you laughing uncontrollably into his shoulder.

"Why were we never that cute?" You heard Teddy ask Emily when Shawn set you down and just as quickly picked you back up bridal style and once again started running around like a maniac.

"It's ten o'clock! Calm down, eh?" Andrew suggested.

Shawn ignored him and placed a chaste kiss on your neck. "Come on, Andrew. You never been in love before?" He asked, finally putting you back on the ground, but keeping hold of your hand and spinning you around once, pulling you back to his chest so that you were walking - stumbling, would be a more accurate description - synchronously.

Once back to the hotel, you all went separate ways. Andrew and Josiah went up to bed, Teddy and Emily went to the bar, and you and Shawn went to the pool after changing into your bathing suits. "Hey," he whispered into your hair while you walked casually against the edge of the pool.

Your eyes fluttered open to look at your beautiful boy. "Hmm?" Your hands found purchase in his curls.

He reached out and grabbed the back of youd thighs, and you wrapped them around his waist. "Thank you for today." He pressed a soft kiss to your temple and slowly started trailing them down to the base of your throat.

"I had fun," you managed to breathe out before his teeth grazed your collar bone. "Oh," you moaned softly.

"You looked beautiful today. Couldn't take my eyes off you." His kisses trailed even lower and his hands slipped under the strings of you top.

"Really?" You giggled. "I hadn't noticed."

"I want you," he murmured into your chest, slickly untying your top.

You squealed and hit his arm, "Babe! We're in public!"

He looked around at the completely empty poolside, "Oh yeah, people are definitely gonna say something." His hands cupped your breasts and your eyes closed at the contact.

"Shawn, please," you said into his neck.

"You wanna go to the room?" He asked, his left hand inching it's way to your bikini bottoms.

You gulped and nodded when his fingers met your unexposed skin. "Now, please."

---

Breathing heavily, he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips as climbed off him. "Thank you, baby. So good to me."

You could only hum in response. Catching your breath, you found his hand and played with his fingers for a little bit before you felt yourself growing more and more sleepy. "I love you," you muttered, rolling onto your side.

"I love you," he said back, curling his arm around your waist. Laying beneath the sheets, with his arm wrapped around your naked body, you knew there was no place on earth you'd rather be.

***

A/n: this took so long, I'm sorry. My next fic will be up Wednesday or Thursday though, I promise.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff

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ticklikeabomb · 5 years

Text

The Language of Limbo - Part 1

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language ; Masturbation 18+

Word Count : 3.9k

A/N : For the ones that don’t know my writing style -> sorry for the grammar mistakes and typos, English is not my first language. Hope you still like it 😊

"Thank you Y/N. That would be enough. We will discuss it among us and eventually let you know about our decision in a couple of days", told you the casting director. You nodded with a smile, "Of course and thank you for receiving me." You grabbed your purse and jacket that were resting at the chair in the corner of the room and said goodbye before exiting it. Feeling the warmth of the sun, once you got out, caress your skin made you smile in contentment. You took your phone out, turned it on and immediately texted your best friend Aaron-Taylor Johnson, telling him you found that the audition went well and told him to greet the girls and send your regards to his wife, Sam.

You and Aaron met when you were both teenagers and started acting at the same time. Contrary to you, he got immediate calls for big productions such as Kick Ass and began his carrier, while you acted in different independent movies and as an extra. You got a call once to star in a movie alongside your best friend and there's where you met Sam. She not only became one of your friends but also Aaron's wife. Before he met Sam, speculations about you two dating became recurrent but it was all false. Sure he was an amazing and good looking guy but your relationship was purely platonic. He knew you more than anyone and you could trust him with everything, always having each others backs.

Three days later, you got a call from your agent telling you that you had a meeting with the casting director regarding the audition and you scribbled the adress of the meeting point down. "But did he say anything?", you asked intrigued. Your agent's voice replied, "No, just that you had to be there at 2pm." You scratched your neck and continued, "But did he sound happy or was his voice inclining more to the no side? Like can you just tell me if you think that it was enough to get the part?" She sighed and tried to calm you down. "He sounded normal, calm. No indication of yes or no. Don't worry I'm sure you nailed it."

"For what is it anyway? The only description of the character was : Looking female in her mid-twenties. What kind of description is that?", you laughed. You heard her laugh on the other side and could clearly imagine her shaking her head. "I can't tell any further details, only that it's for a big company who likes to keep things secret." "Yeah clearly. Anyway, I'll be there on time. Thank you for everything", you replied and said goodbye.

Today was the day you had the famous meeting. Being one of the hottest days in Los Angeles you decided to wear a fluid black trousers along with a simple white shirt. Completing your look, you wore a little amount of makeup and your hair in your favorite hairstyle. You could qualify your look as casual but you still looked professional enough for the meeting. You still had an hour before the meeting and instead of staying at home, pacing back and forth, you decided to leave early and walk to the nearest Starbucks. You ordered yourself a well deserved ice tea in order to cool down and checked for what felt like the millionth time your emails and social media. Seeing that you had approximatively 40 minutes left, you took the nearest cab and drove to the address given to you by your agent.

With wide eyes you asked the driver if you were at the right place and he affirmed you that you were. After paying the cab, you walked in awe to the big mansion in front of you and nervously rang the bell. One of what seemed to be the house butler opened up and you introduced yourself, "Hello, my name is Y/N Y/L/N. I'm supposed to meet Mr.Stewart at 2pm." The man smiled and let you inside. "Of course, Miss Y/L/N. You're early, can I serve you something to drink?" You shook your head declining it, telling him you already had something earlier before thanking him. "Follow me please", he continued. You did so and ended up in the backyard, if you could call that a backyard. The balcon was twice as big as your small apartment. "Wow", you breathed out,mesmerized by the beauty in front of you. The deep blue color of the pool adding to the breathtaking scenery in front of you. You turned around and noticed you stood there by yourself. You didn't mind because you were so enthralled by the view, it bringing somehow a sense of peace in you.

Your awestruck state was cut short when you heard noise behind you. The buttler entered the backyard followed by a woman around your age. She looked like the fantasy provided by cinema and magazines : Blonde, blue eyes, long legs with a toned fit body, dressed in a tight fitting white dress. You couldn't deny that you felt a little self-conscious at the presence of such a beautiful person but you decided to shrug that thought off, focusing on you and what you had to offer. You greeted her, not without missing her little look going over you, alongside her tight smile. "Hello", she replied back. You both decided to take a seat at the couches displayed in front of the pool and sat in silence. After a couple of minutes she engaged conversation. "What's your name?" You told her and asked hers. "I'm Rebecca." "Nice to meet you Rebecca", you replied with a small smile. You didn't know why but your gut told you to keep your answers shorts. Something about her made you tense. "So what are you here for? You're here for a job interview as a maid or something?"

"Actually, I was called to meet Mr.Stewart to talk about the audition I passed a few days ago." She scoffed, "Hmm interesting." You frowned a little not really knowing what she meant by that and it was your turn to ask her why she was there. "Oh I auditioned for that big part and am waiting for the confirmation. I'm sure I will get it. I mean, look at me. Anyway, what was the character you auditioned for?", she replied confidently. "There wasn't much information. Just that they were looking for a female in her mid-twenties." Out of nowhere she laughed loudly, tears brimming her eyes. "What?", you asked, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. "It's a joke right?", she said. Seeing your confused look, her laughter stopped and with piercing eyes she declared, "You can forget about that part." Taken aback by her hostile tone you told her, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. That part is mine ! You have absolutely no chance against me. Look at you and look at me, there is no second thought about it. If I were you, I would leave now before it gets embarrassing for you", she finally showed her true face. A couple of years ago, comments like that would leave you down for days, weeks even but today you weren't the same. You accepted yourself entirely and if the others didn't then it was to bad for them. You swallowed hard before replying with a firm tone, "We'll see." Your confidence caught her off-guard and when she was about to respond to you with another sneaky comment, footsteps were heard. "Hello ladies. Thank you for meeting me here in this beautiful environment."

"I figure that you got some time to get to know each other and figured out that you both auditioned for the same part." You both nodded. "After visioning your parts with the person behind the project, we decided to choose the one that sold it the best and caught our attention by her amazing performance." You heart was beating frantically, nervous at the outcome and even more, after Rebecca's behavior. "We decided to keep Y/N", he finally cut short to the suspense. Rebecca next to you gasped and gave you a look full of hatred, while you were trying to comprehend what was happening. "For real?", you stuttered in shock. Mr. Stewart chuckled and confirmed that they chose you. He turned to Rebecca, "I'm sorry Rebecca. Your audition was good but it wasn't enough. Still keep up and I'm sure we'll see each other sometime in the future." She fake smiled and thanked him before walking up to you and "congratulating you" with a hug. "Don't celebrate too soon. You will not see the last of me", she spat in your ear, a cold shiver running through your whole body. She smirked before leaving the place. You tried to collect yourself in front of the casting director while her voice filled with hatred resonated in your ears.

You grabbed Mr Stewart's hand and shook it enthusiastically. "Thank you so much." He shook his head with a wide smile and replied, "You don't need to thank me. You did amazingly." You couldn't stop smiling, finally moving a little more forward with your carrier. You looked back at the landscape in front of you and couldn't stop your curiosity. "I don't want to overstep but do you live here? It's beautiful." You heard him chuckle and step beside you, his gaze also focused on the scenery. "No but I wish. It is indeed mesmerizing. It's funny that you ask though because we're going to shot a scene for the movie here." Your eyes lit up and you turned towards him. "Really?", to which he nodded. "That's amazing. I can't wait."

"Hmm, I have a feeling that what I'm about to reveal you next will leave you ecstatic." You heart began to beat faster at his announcement, the tension rising at each passing second. "Do you want to know?", he teased. "Yes of course." "Well, you're about to star in Marvel's next Avengers movie." You froze on the spot, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Oh God I think I lost her", he laughed. You cleared your throat and let out a nervous chuckle. "I'm sorry but did you just said Marvel, like in MARVEL??" He laughed even more at your question and confirmed. "Yes, Marvel like in Captain America, Iron Man and all the others. Let me tell you that Kevin and I believe that you will fit perfectly in the Universe and for the character you will portray. I'm really excited to see it."

"Wow, this is crazy. I…I don't know what to say. Thank you so much for this huge opportunity and I'm so excited, you have no idea. I love the Marvel Universe and this is like a dream come true." His bright smile matched yours and he patted your shoulder, congratulating you. "We know you're close with Aaron-Taylor Johnson and even if he was part of Marvel, we would appreciate if you wouldn't tell anyone about it. It's not official yet and I'm sure you can understand that confidentiality is the Studios priority number one." You nodded in understanding, "Of course, my lips will be sealed." "Perfect. Here let's talk further details while enjoying a fresh cocktail, what do you say?" You agreed and followed him inside. You both were served and began discussing about what your character was like, your schedule (beginning and end of the shooting) and everything regarding the production. " Am I really going to meet all of these great actors?", you mumbled more to yourself but the casting director heard it and chuckled slowly. "Yes you are", he commented. You bit your lip in order to stop the goofy grin that was about to escape and felt anticipation and excitement fill your bones. You were not only be part of an amazing journey but will meet a lot of actors that inspired you in pursuing an acting career. But what was really messing up with you was the fact that you would meet your all time celebrity crush, the one and only Chris Evans. From the moment you saw him in the movie 'Cellular' a couple of years ago, the man had your heart. Your face heat up and heart beat faster thinking about having him standing in front of you.

"Finally but not least, here's the script. Again secrecy at all costs." You nodded again, putting on your best professional face and replied, " Nothing will leak from me, you have my word." "Great…well I think that was all for me and I'll see you with the others at the first table read in 3 months. In the meantime, get over the script, embody the character's personality and follow the scheduled workout plan and everything will be fine." He stood up and you did the same. "I will and thank you again. As soon as I'm home I'll start right away." You shook his hand again and left the mansion, cheeks hurting from smiling the whole time. "Wow", you breathed out, your eyes tearing a little because of the overwhelming feeling that you were feeling. That was exactly why you choose acting, to embody a variety of characters, to change the game and being in Marvel as one of the first plus size female superheros, was a game changing in the industry. The pressure was high and you were willing to give everything you got to achieve and create something unique and refreshing.

The first thing you did as soon you arrived home was to take a shower and remove your makeup. After that, you went through your closet in order to see if you had something fitting for the fighting and rehearsal workouts. "Hmm, shit I have to hit the stores tomorrow", you spoke out loud. Once you've got your things settled and a small meal ready, you grabbed a plate and sat on the couch with the script. You took a deep breath. Still not believing you auditioned for Marvel and actually got the part, you opened the first page. "Here we go".

Your heart was pumping like crazy once seeing all the names of your future co-workers. When your eyes landed on Elizabeth Olson you couldn't help the smile appear on your face, happy to know at least one person privately. You and Elizabeth had worked together alongside Aaron in the movie Godzilla. You had a small part but being best friend with Aaron, you got to hang out more often with Elizabeth than the others and became acquaintances. You put yourself into work and started by underlining all of your character's dialogue. After a good two hour, you realized that your character had a big part in the movie and felt excitement along fear creep up inside you. "Holy shit", you whispered shocked.

Your character was supposed to be a new inhuman found by Sam Wilson. You were happy about it because in your opinion Anthony Mackie was underrated and needed more recognition as the Falcon. Thanks to your abilities, you could duplicate/triple your persona and it would come in handy during fights. "Awesome", you said. When you read that the character you would play had Steve Rogers as love interest, you almost chocked on your saliva. You giggled nervously and mumbled to yourself, "Ha how convenient. I have a crush on Evans and she on Rogers. Great." "Oh shit that means I will have scenes only with him", you continued once realizing what it meant. You face-palmed yourself and felt how your cheeks were burning. "Well this is going to be fun", you thought after finishing reading the entire script and deciding that it was time to go to bed.

2 Days Later

Today was your first day of the fighting rehearsals. Dressed with black sweatpants and a large t-shirt you looked around for the room indicated in your schedule. "Can I help you?", you heard a masculine voice speak up next to you. You lifted your head up and were struck by the man's handsome face. "Yes, I'm looking for Room 9, I'm supposed to meet the stunt coordinator in charge", you told him. "I was on my way there, follow me", he said with a smile. You walked next to him to the room. "I'm Mason by the way", he commented while presenting his hand to you. You took it and shook it a little to greet him, "Nice to meet you, I'm Y/N." "Pleasure's all mine", he replied back. You were surprised by his kindness but didn't question any further. You finally arrived and joined the small group that was already gathered around. "You must be Y/N Y/LN/?", spoke up another man. You confirmed and he began, "Great, I'm John and the production's stunt coordinator. I will assign you your coach for the duration of your fighting program." You nodded and your body shivered lightly with excitement. He went through his list and finally called out, "Mason !"

You slowly gasped. 'Shit how am I suppose to focus', you thought once realizing that the hot and cute guy you met earlier would be your coach. He came up at you with a wide smile, "It seems that we'll see each other frequently." You chuckled and looked around you and saw that the coordinator had left you already. "Well I guess you're stuck with the big girl hein…sorry", you told him. You really had no idea why you were apologizing and immediately felt bad at yourself for being that stupid. 'Ok gotta step up your confidence game', you mentally mumbled and bit your lip in frustration. "It's absolutely no problem and you shouldn't apologize, you know. I'm happy they paired me with you, it's gonna be fun."

You smiled at him, mentally thanking him for being so cute and he motioned you to sit at the mattress at the corner of the room, isolating yourselves from the rest of the group. "Before we start, I just need to know a few things about you." You nodded and replied, "Yes of course, no problem." "Do you have any physical struggle or did you had a surgery that could impact the workout?" You shook your head and told him you didn't. "Are you comfortable with doing gymnastics or with highs?", he continued. He noticed your body tense. "I'll have to admit that I'm kinda afraid of highs", you chuckled and he joined you. "Alright, we'll have to work on that", he commented politely. "Concerning gymnastics, I'm also not a fan. But I understand that with a movie such as 'Avengers' there will be gym stunts/moves involved, so I will try to give my best."

"Can I ask you why you don't like it, if it's not too straightforward?", he asked more focused. You swallowed hardly and revealed, "When I was in high school, there was a moment where the teacher decided to do gymnastics and…god, it's so embarrassing. One of the basic moves was to do the forward roll but somehow I couldn't do it. I was petrified to do it. I was afraid to hurt myself and he kept pushing me but I just couldn't until the moment where I tried it and heard my neck crack and it scared the hell out of me. I began to cry but he wouldn't care and called me to join the rest of the class to do another move. So…yeah, I don't really appreciate gymnastics that much. It's stupid but when you're young and something like that happens it kinda stays with you."

He nodded and reached your hand, squeezing it a little. "Hey don't worry I won't force you into doing something that you're not comfortable with. I will create other cool moves for you. What I'm interested about, is that you mentioned you were 'afraid to hurt yourself'. Is that still the case?" You looked at him deeply in the eyes and clenched your teeth in order to not let your emotions take over. He didn't need to hear you say it out loud, he knew you still were. He stood up and you did the same. "Alright, let's start with some warm-up exercises." You nodded and the training began. An hour later, both of you decided to take a small break and you instantly launched on your bottle of water. "You should wear more fitting clothes", he exclaimed. "Excuse me?", you asked not really understanding why. He chuckled and took a gulp of his own bottle. "Your workout clothes. They're too large, it will bother you once we start rehearsing on the fighting choreography. You should invest in more tight fitting clothes and besides, it will help you to get comfortable for your suit later." "Oh…ok", was the only thing you managed to reply. He gave you that small smile again and declared, "Let's start with the funny business", before indicating you the stance you had to take in order to block out a potential enemy.

After a 4 hour training session, John the Marvel coordinator called it a day and you sighed in relief. You saw Mason quickly get his things. "Sorry that I'm in a rush like this but I have an important meeting", he defended himself while packing. You chuckled and replied, "Oh don't worry. You don't own me any explanation. It was nice meeting you and to have you as my coach. I'll see you tomorrow right?", you told him. "I'm glad too and yes, we'll see each other tomorrow." You nodded and wished him goodnight before exiting the room and walk back to your car. You rode home completely wrecked. You opened your apartment's door and passed your living room, the couch tempting you but decided to not succumb and immediately take a shower before falling asleep on it. You stood outside your shower, waiting for the temperature to get to your liking before stepping inside and let the water splash your sore and sweaty body. You hummed in contentment at the first wave on you and sat on the shower's floor, enjoying the peaceful moment. You reached out to the shampoo and squirted a fair amount of it on your hair, your nails massaging your skull perfectly. A smile popped on your face when you remembered the scene of the movie Easy A, in which Emma Stone was singing a song she initially hated in the shower. You washed off the shampoo and your body was next. You were washing the water off below your waist and felt your breath shorten once the pressured water hit your womanhood.

Not thinking more into it, you directed the shower head above your clit and let the pressure do the rest. You were slowly building up the tension by rolling your hips, immediately enjoying the relaxing feeling it provided you. Closing your eyes to focus on the pleasurable sensation, you moaned and spread your legs further. "Ahh fuck", your moans becoming louder with each of your thrusts. It took you a few more minutes before you were reaching your high, your head thrown back in ecstasy. You were a panting mess and breathed out a small 'Fuck' before laughing, still in the bliss of your orgasm. You got out of the shower, not bothering in drying your hair and put on a pair of panties before crashing down on your bed and falling asleep instantly, thrilled of the journey ahead of you.

*montage made by me but images -> credit to owners*

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ghost-btch · 5 years

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He Could Be The One~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

(Chapter Three: The Park™ )

[Not my gif]

(Other chapters and the prologue are under 5sos on my blog. I'd link them but then it wouldn't show up in the tags.)

Rating: literally for everyone

Warning: none besides the fact there may be grammatical errors, oops lol

Word Count: 889

************************************

3rd Person P.O.V

Phoenix was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling. The memories of the last night played in her head. She had met and became friends with one of her favorite bands, you can't blame her for still freaking out.

She had by now checked her phone for the numbers many times to make sure it wasn't just a dream. It really was dream like. 'Like some fanfiction I could have read.' Phoenix thought.

****

It was now about a week later and everything still felt surreal. Her and the boys had almost nonstop been texting back and forth, they were really good friends. One of them sujested to all meet up at one of the parks around L.A. They all agreed. So that's where Phoenix was heading now.

She had practically jumped out of bed when she realized what day it was. Though she tried her best to put down her fan side and try to be normal. She accomplished this on the outside, but in her head she was kinda screaming still.

When she arrived she noticed four grown men playing on the playground. A very hilarious sight to see but probably not to anyone else.

"Aren't y'all a little old to be playing on a playground? Then again I can't say much cause I want to swing on the swings." Phoenix laughed.

"I think we're very much still a bunch of kids." Luke replied.

Then next few minutes consist of five "adults" acting like a bunch of five year olds. Probably confusing anyone who went by.

"Hey so are you ever going to tell us who you ment at your show?" Michael questioned.

"I will not, well at least as of right now I won't. I don't know about what'll happen in the future." Phoenix replied slightly blushing.

She was very confused as to how none of them had figured it out yet. It was quite obvious to her, she wasn't the best at hiding things.

Though in reverse Phoenix was also the clueless one. Someone themselves thought they were making it obvious their feelings. Phoenix being one to overthink at wrong moments and be oblivious at others had no idea.

If only they both knew the truth.

The five of them, once they were done on the playground, made their way to one of the picnic tables.

"Whens your next show again?" Calum had asked.

"This Saturday, I think. Wait ya Saturday. Y'all may have realized by now I have a bad memory at moments." Phoenix replied.

Luke had laughed at the sentence.

"What are you laughing at Hemmings?"

"You say 'y'all' a lot. 'Y'all', funny word." All the boys laughed.

"Well when you say it by itself yes it doesn't sound weird. But in a sentence it seems find to me. I've heard many people say it before all over the place so." Phoenix replied jokingly sarcastic.

The five talked about the stupidest things, jokes, old stories, music stuff, and more the rest of the time. All agreeing the music business was absolutely insane. Good and badly.

"So you're never telling us?" Ashton asked.

"I don't know. I things the way they are now. I've had my fair share of accidentally ruining friendships in this type of situation. Though I honestly don't know how none of y'all figured it out yet." Phoenix knew she messed up as soon as that last sentence came out of her mouth.

"I shouldn't have said that." She said sighing while closing her eyes.

"It's obvious? Well I guess we are clueless." Ashton said.

"You're not wrong."

"Hey!"

"Well you said it yourself." They all laughed.

"Anyways I guess talk to you guys later." Phoenix said as they were leaving the park.

They all said their goodbyes as they left and went their separate ways. Phoenix immediately lightly slapping her face for;

1. Saying too much

2. Not saying enough, by that meaning not saying the truth

Phoenix seemed confident in the way she talked or performed, but at some moments she was absolutely anxiety filled. She knew all of them are some of the most nicest people on the planet but she just had that fear. The fear if embarrassment if thinks toke a turn. But in the other hand there had been times where she didn't say something and then she regretted that. This was not a very good situation as of then.

Then it hit her! She wasn't good when it came to talking about her feelings but she was good at writing them. For example she once wrote a note in middle school instead of telling her then crush she liked him in person. She then got home as fast as she could to start writing.

As soon as she opened the door she ran to her room. Then ran back because she forgot to lock the door. But then she grabbed her songbook and started writing. With in an hour she had a finished song. Well almost finished. It might need finishing touches before it was a perfect as she could make it. But she was happy with it.

She planned on singing it at her show Saturday since the boys would be there. She tried not to think about the possible conversations after the show. Which she sorta failed at.

....

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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Just the Game We're In - Chapter 10 (Ortega)

a/n: holy hell. this was a quick update (#triggered) and i don’t quite know how i’ve managed it, but i hope everyone enjoys it. In this chapter, three new interns arrive. They work quietly and keep themselves to themselves and nothing interesting happens.

Willam was never one to get dramatic, but she was pretty sure the last two weeks had been the worst of her life.

She’d tried phoning Courtney countless times to no answer. Texts went unread. She knew she was being a pathetic mess when she took solace in the fact that Courtney hadn’t blocked her number, as if being one level up from a random creepy guy at a bar was anything to be proud of. Still, to Willam it was the hope that maybe someday soon Courtney would text her again, or call her again, and say that she’d been thinking and the whole situation wasn’t one to lose their relationship over, and Willam would finally hold Courtney again and everything would be alright.

But it hadn’t happened yet, and it hadn’t happened at work either, and every day for the past two weeks Willam had felt as if she was walking into a chest freezer whenever she arrived at work. The icy stares from the comms girls, who of course had been told every last detail (probably over wine, Willam was guessing) compounded by the frostiness Courtney exuded from her from 8am until the day was over made Willam wonder how she hadn’t yet contracted hypothermia and died. Katya was the only one that attempted to see where Willam was coming from, one day when the entire atmosphere had become too much and Willam had had to sneak off into the kitchen - not to cry, because she wasn’t a crier, but just to compose herself in case she actually did happen to squeeze a few tears out. Katya had walked in by chance, and given Willam a sad smile and an awkward hug which had made Willam’s throat tight, and Willam had explained everything from her side of the story. Katya had listened as she’d made the office teas, and when Willam was finished she’d concluded that she saw where Willam was coming from, and she understood why she had lied to Bianca, but it didn’t excuse the fact that the actual act of the lying was a terrible fucking mistake and Willam should never have done it. Willam knew that, of course she knew that, but hearing someone else articulate what she’d already beaten herself up for about a thousand times made things seem even worse, and Willam went home at lunchtime that day. Not that Sharon cared. Not that Sharon seemed to care about much these days, even though her new policy was going well- house construction of the new communities had started already but it only seemed to serve to remind Sharon of Alaska’s good organisation in getting the contracts with the builders up and running and starting as soon as they could. Every time Sharon walked past Alaska’s empty chair in the office Willam could hear her sigh. Alaska’s bag was still there, and nothing had moved from where it had been left that fateful day. Willam found herself wondering how Alaska could afford not to come back and collect it, until she remembered the girl’s maddening habit of carrying everything important in her pockets instead of her purse, so she guessed that everything was fine for her.

She had to guess, because she didn’t really know. She’d texted Alaska, even tried phoning her countless times, but she only got left on read or sent to voicemail. Judging by the state Sharon would arrive most mornings- makeupless, hair not having even seen a brush, and wearing glasses in favour of her usual contact lenses, it made Willam think that Alaska didn’t have much time for either of them. And that was fair enough- she was obviously busy, but Willam still missed and needed her friend. Now more than ever.

Walking into work on a sunny Monday morning, it made Willam want to feel happy and upbeat. She still found herself absent-mindedly planning things for her and Courtney to do even though now they would never get to do them- After work we could get ice cream and go watch people get vertigo attacks on the Eye. Or hire Boris Bikes, cycle around Westminster and try to mow down members of the opposition. She didn’t know if it comforted her or made her feel even worse.

She arrived into the office to the radio silence of the comms girls and Courtney wearing a new baby pink trouser suit.

“Morning,” Courtney said first, her voice stony as it usually was these days.

“Morning. How are you?” Willam asked tentatively, sitting at her desk and switching her computer on. She looked up to see the tailend of Courtney rolling her eyes.

“I’m fine. I’m always fine,” Courtney said frostily, then picked up a folder from her desk and put it on Willam’s. “Bianca phoned and said she wants the figures of all new arrivals that have been granted British citizenship from 1985 to present so…here’s 1990 onwards for you to do and I’ll take the rest. I’ve got to go get Sharon from downstairs.”

Willam’s heart sank. Reduced to exchanging pleasantries that weren’t even pleasant with a girl that used to be one of her best friends, never mind her girlfriend. It was fucking depressing.

Sharon arrived mere minutes later without the spring in her step that she usually had. Willam made a mental note to check with reception if Ely, her bodyguard, had dropped her off at the door this morning and not simply the pavement outside work as he had done yesterday- which was far too careless, Willam had chastised him. Sharon seemed unbothered about the impending threat to her life, however, as she made her way to her office. Willam noticed that the black dress that she wore, which used to flatter her curves, now hung baggy in places it hadn’t before, indicating the amount of weight she had lost over the past couple of weeks through not eating. Her face was paler than usual due to the lack of makeup on it and her glasses had slid down her nose. There was one positive though- she seemed to have been to get a haircut and her hair looked neat and presentable, albeit much shorter than it had been.

“Morning, Sharon,” she smiled tightly. “Nice hair.”

Sharon turned and smiled softly. “Thanks. I had to get it sorted out, it was a nightmare. Apparently that happens if you don’t wash your hair for six days. No, I just thought- new hair for a new girlfriendless me. Sorry. That was a shit joke. Oh wait, it wasn’t really a joke. It was just me being sad. The real joke here is my love life. There, that one was funny,” she spieled, her voice deadpan. Straightening up, she cleared her throat. “Right remember, ladies, that these interns are arriving from number 10 today so make sure there’s space for them.”

“Should we, um,” Courtney asked hesitantly. “Should we clear, um.”

She gave a vague gesture at Alaska’s desk. Sharon frowned.

“Why would we need to clear Alaska’s desk, Courtney?” she asked, at once accusatory. Courtney’s mouth dropped open a little, taken-aback.

“No, I mean we don’t- I just thought-”

“Well un-think what you just thought. She’ll come back. She’ll at least have to come back for her bag, it’s got her antihistamines in it and the pollen count is through the roof today. And her special lip balm from Khiels is in it and she’ll get dry lips if she doesn’t put it on,” Sharon babbled, Willam’s heart going out to her. She was behaving a little bit as if she was bereaved, but Willam supposed that a breakup was a kind of grief. She’d not really had a chance to talk to Sharon about everything yet, too wrapped up in her own heartbreak to think much about Sharon’s. Perhaps today she should try to be there for her, Willam supposed.

“Of course, Sharon. I won’t touch anything on her desk,” Courtney reassured her, her voice soft and in turn making Sharon sigh.

“Just fuck Violet and Adore off, move them into Richmond Terrace. It’s only a week for Christ’s sake,” Sharon gave a blithe swipe of her hand as she turned and walked into her office. Willam shrugged, tuning into the figures in front of her instead. If she was being honest, she’d forgotten about the interns arriving, so much had been going on in her own life. It happened every year or so- Bianca would drop off a couple of graduate interns from Number 10 into different departments and let the ministers deal with them for a week. Sometimes they were good. Sometimes they were clearly shit and weren’t at all cut out for politics. Most of the time it was the latter. Usually Willam worked around them and didn’t really mind them being there, but this week she really could have been doing without them.

Sighing at her inability to concentrate, she looked up and briefly caught eyes with Courtney. Frozen, Willam gave a smile over to her. Courtney looked disarmed, as if she was about to smile back, then her face set into a stony glare as she looked away from Willam.

Looking back at the folder in front of her, Willam concluded she really could have done without work at all.

***

It was around 11 o’clock when Bianca finally showed up to the department, walking confidently into the department with three twentysomethings trailing behind her. The first walked with her head held high and with only a slight tremble in her step- a petite black girl with a huge mane of caramel hair and a daintily highlighted nose wearing an immaculate white pencil skirt and suit jacket combo. As Willam stood in front of Sharon’s office beside Courtney and Jinkx, she found herself becoming hopeful- this girl actually inspired some sort of confidence in her.

The second girl, not so much, Willam thought as she saw her go over on her heel slightly as she walked towards them. Her shining blonde hair was curled neatly and her navy blue shift dress with its white shirt collar made her look like a trained professional, but the anxious expression on her face and the red flush already hitting her cheeks suggested otherwise.

The third was a young man, early as opposed to late twenties, Willam guessed. He didn’t look as nervous as the girl in front of him, and appeared to be taking everything in from behind his thick-rimmed glasses. He had a sort of scruff of stubble but could get away with it in his smart grey suit and neatly-gelled dark hair. Willam had to acknowledge he was attractive, but only begrudgingly so.

As Bianca reached them, she motioned for the three to line up in front of the Dosac ladies and Willam felt momentarily as if she was on a weird TV dating show. Bianca turned to Sharon and immediately started talking.

“I’m afraid I can’t stay for long, Sharon, there’s a whole new world of piss going on at Downing Street regarding the by-election that I’m sure these three are delighted to be getting away from. But ladies, this is Blair, Vixen and Andrew. Treat them nicely, because they’re just babies really, and if they ask to go to the toilet let them go. Before they go home make sure they’ve got their jumpers and lunchboxes, and remind them when they have to bring in their PE kit,” Bianca deadpanned, the blonde girl laughing politely while the black girl beside her rolled her eyes. The man, or perhaps boy, he looked that fresh out of uni, wasn’t registering Bianca’s words, Willam noticed. Instead, he was looking at Willam. As Willam met his gaze however, she saw that he hadn’t been looking at her, but at who was beside her. Willam turned her head. Courtney. She felt her skin begin to prickle.

“I’ll be back to pick them up at the end of the day. Play nice, children,” Bianca said by way of a goodbye, as she swept out of the department and left the Dosac girls to meet the new interns. Trying to ignore the new guy, Willam made a beeline for whichever of the girls would talk to her first. Sharon had descended on Blair, so Willam introduced herself to Vixen.

“Hey. I’m Willam. It’s good to have you,” she smiled tightly, shaking the other girl’s hand. Vixen smiled back at her. Willam had noticed she hadn’t reacted well to Bianca’s words. “Don’t mind Bianca. She’s very…she’s very Bianca. You’ll get less bother from her here than you would have at Number 10.”

“I hate the bitch,” Vixen replied, her blunt tone taking Willam aback a bit. “Blair fucked up a bit of photocopying she’d made her do and the bitch went fucking crazy at her. Totally out of proportion reaction. I mean, she always seems like she has something to be mad about? I couldn’t go through life like that.”

“Well, that’s her way I guess,” Willam shrugged, torn between wanting to defend the spin doctor but also slightly agreeing with Vixen. “But as I said, you’ll see her a lot less now you’re here. And I’m sure you’ll be amazing here too.”

Vixen gave a guilty grimace. “Just to let you know…I have no interest in social affairs. I put down that I wanted to work with Shea Coulee over in Defence, but for some reason I got dumped here with that walking talking bag of smarm.”

Vixen motioned to Andrew, who was busy talking to Jinkx, his eyes darting every so often to Courtney. Willam narrowed her eyes at him.

“He seems…” Willam started, then remembered her professionalism and shut up. Vixen smirked and finished her sentence.

“Like a massive scrotum? Yep, that’s pretty much about the size of it. Oh, and the size of ‘it’ is little, by the way. Like, we’re talking pinkie toe when flaccid.”

Willam found herself exploding with laughter. She’d known Vixen for all of about one second, but she immediately warmed to her now that she knew she hated Andrew. Clearly pleased that she had Willam onside, Vixen carried on.

“Literally the only saving grace of my placement here is Blair. She’s great, you’ll love her,” she smiled over at the other girl, whose face was lit up as she spoke to Sharon. Willam did a small double-take as she looked at Vixen’s face, thinking that she could do without another workplace lesbian crush in her life. Suddenly wanting to tear herself away from the situation, Willam smiled.

“Well, I bet you’re both going to be really valuable here,” she said with an air of finality. “It was good to meet you, Vixen.”

Just then, she noticed Andrew making his way to where Courtney stood. Willam immediately launched herself towards the two of them as if she’d been physically catapulted. She instantly inserted herself between the two of them, holding out a hand that she hoped couldn’t seem accusatory.

“Willam. Nice to meet you,” she said simply, meeting the other man’s gaze. His brown eyes looked slightly surprised behind his glasses, as if he’d been met by a challenger. Despite his shock, he smiled amicably and took Willam’s hand.

“Willam? That’s an interesting one, never heard that before,” he said pleasantly, Willam’s hackles immediately rising at the fact her name was being met as if it was a new knock knock joke. “I’m Andrew, nice to meet you. And this is?”

To Willam’s dismay, he gave her hand a brief, tight shake and then shifted his gaze to Courtney, holding out his hand. Courtney was smiling in a sort of coy way, and Willam felt her heart sink. She’d never looked at her that way. Or had she? Willam couldn’t remember, and she hated herself for it.

“I’m Courtney. Good to meet you,” she smiled, her eyes widening a little as Andrew took her hand as if to shake it but instead used it to pull her in and give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Now, don’t tell me Bianca has you locked away in this office morning, noon and night? How come I’ve never seen you before?” he asked her, the light lilt of his Northern English accent only adding to the charm offensive and making Willam wonder if there was a company in existence that made personalised, face-shaped dartboards.

Courtney gave a laugh that didn’t have any hint of shyness or reservation to it. Instead it was self-assured and confident, and Willam felt as if she was in some kind of horrendous rom-com. “Because it’s probably hard to see anything with your head so far up your own arse.”

Andrew still hadn’t let go of her hand. Courtney hadn’t let go of his either. He was laughing in a mock-hurt manner. “Oh fuck, okay. A girl who gives as good as she gets, alright. I can deal with that.”

“What makes you think you’re going to have any dealings with me?” Courtney replied, flirtation dripping from every word she spoke. Andrew actually fucking winked at her.

“Because I didn’t get to where I am now without taking on a few challenges,” he replied, finally, miraculously, letting go of Courtney’s hand. For the first time since Willam had spoken to him, he looked back at her, giving her a quick up-and-down glance. “Well, I best have a chat with Sharon and see what she wants me to do here. But it was nice meeting you, Courtney. I hope I’m going to see you a lot more often while I’m here.”

Courtney gave him a cheeky smile as he turned to leave, then addressed Willam as if he’d forgotten. “Good to meet you, Willard.”

Willam actually felt as if her blood had been put inside a kettle with the switch flicked on. Courtney was smiling after him, then she gave a laugh.

“He’s confident.”

“He’s cocky,” Willam glared at his retreating back as he took Sharon’s hand and shook it. “With the emphasis on ‘cock’.”

“Hmm. Wonder why you didn’t seem to like him,” Courtney said coldly, giving her a side glance as she wandered over to Vixen to introduce herself.

***

It was only day two, and the interns were getting on Willam’s last nerve already.

Well- that was unfair. Not all of them. Vixen was great- she had already taken on every bit of advice that the girls had given her and read over her brief that Jinkx had supplied her with thoroughly, and she had taken to answering press calls and getting minor jobs done. She was clearly going to be a great success when she inevitably rose to the top.

And Blair wasn’t all that bad either, now that Willam thought about it. She was relentlessly upbeat even in the face of Willam’s horrific mood and tried her best to understand the workings of the department, even if Stevie Wonder himself could see that she hadn’t a fucking clue what was going on. Vixen would always somehow appear at her desk however, showing her how to do things and explaining things slowly and patiently, and in the short time Willam had known them both she had concluded that they surely must be together. Vixen wasn’t the only one that seemed to dote on Blair; Jinkx had taken a shine to the younger girl, almost seeing her as a sort of daughter-figure, and Blair seemed to be the only intern that had teas made for her.

No, it wasn’t Vixen or Blair that was pissing Willam off. That title went to the third intern, the one-man smarmy army himself, Andrew. She wished she knew why she’d developed such a strong dislike of him in the space of a day. It wasn’t because he seemed to spend every moment he could chatting to Courtney instead of doing work. It wasn’t even because every time she looked at Courtney, the other girl already seemed to be gazing over at Andrew on the rare occasion that he was working. It wasn’t either of those things. It was probably because he’d got her name wrong on the first day. That was definitely the reason. Every time she walked past his desk and got a whiff of the overbearing scent of Paco Rabanne that emanated from him, rage seemed to bubble under her skin and she couldn’t really pinpoint exactly why.

The rage wasn’t really going away now that they were all sat around the meeting table, ready for the interns’ first departmental meeting. Sharon sat at the helm of the table as usual, and Willam sat at her right side. Andrew filled the seat at her left, the seat that Alaska used to occupy, and Courtney sat in the chair close to his side. Vixen and Blair sat close together too on Willam’s side of the table, and Jinkx sat at the end, her notepad ready.

“So, Vixen, Blair, Andrew, I know you’ll probably have sat in on a million meetings in Number 10, but our departmentals are a bit different,” Sharon started, her face friendly and apologetic.

Willam smirked self-depreciatively. “Namely because nothing gets done, one of our advisors ran away to pursue a shit MP career in the by-election, our senior press officer is about as out the loop as you could get and-”

“- our other advisor’s an arse,” Courtney finished, giving Willam a look that she couldn’t quite read. If she squinted, she could perhaps have interpreted it as flirtatious. Or perhaps it was for Andrew’s benefit.

“Sounds a lot like Number 10 to me,” Vixen smiled lazily. Satisfied, Sharon continued.

“Okay, the main item on our agenda is policy. New communities is going well but, as Willam mentioned, there’s a by-election looming. If I can push just one more bit of policy through, it might help the party win some more voters. So, policy ideas. Let’s have them.”

“Um…pay the unemployed to drive ambulances,” Jinkx suggested, blithely waving her pen in the air. Willam glared at her then looked to Sharon, who was giving her a confused glance.

“Yes, that…I was really meaning ideas from advisors, Jinkx.”

Blair noticed that she looked put out and smiled at her. “I thought it was a good idea.”

“You once thought carrots were a fruit,” Andrew piped up, the comment blatantly designed to make himself look good. Willam could have sworn she heard a snort from Courtney, but when she turned to look at her, her face gave nothing away. Frowning at Andrew, she shrugged.

“I mean. They make juice with them, so it’s an easy mistake to make,” she said flatly, making sure to look Andrew in the eye in an attempt to assert her authority. A small gasp from Blair made Willam break the eye contact before she had a chance to suss out the expression on his face.

“That was exactly my reasoning too!” the intern smiled excitedly, Willam failing to miss the look Vixen was giving Blair which was affectionate bordering on loving.

“Policy ideas, people, come on,” Sharon sighed despairingly.

“Ringfencing of funds for primary school breakfast clubs,” Courtney suggested, Willam wincing in response.

“It’s very Phi Phi O’Hara-esque and extremely fucking questionable,” she explained, frowning and receiving a frown back from Courtney.

“Well at least I’m coming up with some actual ideas,” she muttered. Willam sighed.

“Okay, what about um…free tampons in secondary schools,” she shrugged, Courtney momentarily looking impressed.

“Something that doesn’t cost money,” Sharon raised her eyebrows and pushed her glasses up her nose.

“What about a partnership between nursing homes and maternity wards, where the elderly knit little blankets for newborn babies?” Blair suggested, an enthusiastic smile on her face.

“Christ,” Willam coughed out, looking for a moment at Vixen. She laughed.

“We always say Human Resources must have found her lost in Disneyland before she came to Downing Street,” she laughed affectionately, Blair pouting a little before Vixen took her hand and squeezed it, laughing.

“You always say that,” Blair smiled, her voice quiet as if Vixen was the only one meant to hear it.

“Free teabags,” Jinkx piped up again. Sharon pushed some hair out of her face in exasperation.

“Everyone has to carry a plastic bag? Oh fuck no, even Jinkx has to think that’s shit,” Willam exhaled noisily, surprising herself with how crap her ideas had become.

“Free bottle of wine for every new mother,” Vixen deadpanned, Willam struggling to tell if she was joking or not.

Courtney looked at the ceiling. “Free coffins to enable working-class families to-”

“The word ‘free’ is hereby banned,” Sharon put her head in her hands.

“Well, how about we go one better?” Andrew suddenly piped up, Courtney’s eyes immediately darting to him leaving Willam feeling like she’d been punched in the stomach. “Instead of something that doesn’t cost us money, how about something that’s going to make us money?”

“What do you have in mind?” Sharon questioned, her head tilting to the side in interest.

“Well, maybe something like…” Andrew paused, clearly trying to collect his words. “You’ve got all these rich buggers, right? Living in these massive houses. With all these rooms. Only there’s only ever one or two people that live there. Old fuckers that are sitting rattling about in what used to be their family homes, and they could be downsizing, but they haven’t? And there’s other families, ones that need those rooms, ones that could do with those houses, that are sitting with five kids sharing the one room. So how about we tax the people that have the spare rooms, make some money for us, and we could put it into funds for New Communities- or we could spend it on council houses or the benefit system to show the doubters of New Communities that we’re looking after our own and not just the little African kids?”

Willam frowned. It was a shit idea. It had to be. What the fuck did an intern, practically a foetus, know about policies like that? Immediately, Willam thought hard and racked her brain for holes to pick in the idea. Looking to gauge Sharon’s reaction, she was dismayed to find that she looked pretty impressed.

“That’s actually…quite good. I can see it working. And I love the idea of putting it into council housing funds, that’s fucking excellent PR for me,” she smiled at Andrew. He wasn’t looking at her though- his gaze had moved to Courtney, who had an impressed smile on her face.

“Surely that’s fucking ridiculous though, the idea that people have paid for these houses and now they’re getting taxed more for them?” Willam jumped in, the jealousy burning at her heart making her eager to find fault with the idea.

“Well if they can afford a house of that size they can afford a minute tax increase,” Courtney challenged her, Willam dismayed at the fact she was taking Andrew’s side. Her face softened as she looked at Andrew. “Which is what it would be, right? I mean we’re talking two percent, three percent? Or were you thinking of it as more of a one-off, Robin Hood type thing?”

Andrew smiled back at her. “God, I love a girl that knows her economics.”

“Well I do have a degree in it,” Courtney bit back playfully.

“Oh, she reads books too?” Andrew joked, Willam fixing him with what she hoped was a literal death stare.

“If we could steer things away from Take Me Out territory,” Sharon raised her eyebrows at the two of them, Courtney looking to the floor and blushing. “I would actually like to move forward with this, Andrew. It’s a good idea.”

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Willam’s mouth dropped open, ignoring Andrew turning in his chair and looking at her. “You’re just going to take the idea of an intern and actually make it into a policy?”

“Well, in the absence of any decent ideas from my actual advisors, it seems I don’t have much choice,” Sharon’s eyebrows shot up over the rims of her glasses as distaste coated her words.

Willam could have sworn she saw Andrew smirk.

“Right! I’m tired, heartbroken, and fucking starving, so I suggest we talk more about this after I’ve consumed a sub the size of a small child. Jinkx, can you go and get one of the girls out there to go to Subway for me? And actually get me a cookie or ten while you’re at it,” Sharon ordered, signalling the meeting was over. Willam’s heart panged at her joke-that-wasn’t-really-a-joke, and it reminded her to check her phone to see if there was anything from Alaska.

Still nothing.

As people started leaving the room, Willam felt compelled to stay and talk to Sharon, to see how she was coping. Maybe she could offer advice but it was more likely that she would just be listening to her pine. Looking out into the department, she saw Andrew leaning on Courtney’s desk as he spoke to her. All of a sudden Willam completely changed her mind, making a beeline for the desk. She could hear snippets of their conversation as she approached. Courtney was now the one speaking and Andrew was listening intently.

“…yeah, I did three years at LSE and then a postgrad at Cambridge so, as it turns out, I do read books.”

“Clearly,” Andrew smirked, then bit his lip. “This is going to seem forward, but do you want to tell me more about these millions of degrees you have over lunch?”

Before Courtney could answer, Willam had reached them both and was opening her mouth.

“Oh, shit, lunch sounds great! I’m down for lunch. Hey Vixen, Blair!” she called over, fully aware that she was behaving like a massive asshole and yet doing absolutely nothing to stop it. “You guys want to grab lunch with us?”

Twenty minutes of suffering under a permanent glare from Courtney later, Willam was standing in a busy Wagamamas with the three new interns and Courtney, waiting for a table. When approached by a waitress she asked for a table for five, which was met with a grimace.

“Ooh, I’m sorry, I won’t have one of those for another twenty minutes?” she said apologetically. Courtney immediately stepped in.

“Could you do a two and a three?”

“I could manage that for you,” the waitress shrugged, Courtney immediately grabbing Andrew’s hand and pulling him beside her.

“Great! We’ll take the two.”

Before Willam could speak, the waitress was leading the two of them away. Courtney still hadn’t let go of Andrew’s hand.

“Sheesh, what’s her fucking problem?” Vixen piped up. Willam turned to face her and noticed firstly that her face was screwed up, and secondly that she and Blair were holding hands.

“It’s…complex. I could tell you guys about it over lunch?”

Willam supposed it was character development, her opening up about everything that had happened between her and Courtney to two relative strangers that she’d known for all of two days. She found it cathartic, though, to talk through everything to two people who didn’t really know her and didn’t really know Courtney, and by the time she was finished she did admittedly feel a bit better. She’d watched with amusement as the difference between the two girls was displayed in front of her as they reacted to her story- Blair’s face like a comedy sketch as she gasped and ooh-ed and aah-ed at every new development while Vixen’s face very rarely changed.

“It probably all paints me as a total fucking idiot, but I guess if the shoe fits,” Willam shrugged, taking a sip of the iced tea which sat in front of her. With a pang she looked over to the booth that Andrew and Courtney were sharing, and the two of them were laughing loudly, Courtney tucking her hair behind her ears.

“I don’t think it’s idiotic at all. You were going after the job you wanted while trying to keep the girl you wanted. Makes sense,” Vixen shrugged. “If Courtney can’t see the situation for what it was then that’s her problem. She’s the one that’s being the idiot, not you.”

Blair had followed Willam’s eyes. “Do you think she actually likes Andrew or do you think she’s just flirting with him to make you jealous?”

“Hard to say,” Willam sighed, pulling her gaze back to the girls in front of her. “Whichever one it is, it’s making me feel like a total dick.”

“Oh, don’t feel that way,” Blair frowned, reaching forward and patting Willam’s hand.

“Remember, it’s impossible to be the biggest dick in the room when Andrew Brady is in there with you,” Vixen smirked, earning herself a scolding look from Blair.

“Vix, don’t,” she chastised her. “He has his moments, I’m sure he’s sweet underneath it all.”

“He’s a cunt is what he is.”

Willam was intrigued. Vixen’s dislike of Andrew seemed to be more than superficial. “What has he done to be so…hated? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Vixen rolled her eyes hard. “I arrived to the internship process. Got hit on by him immediately. Told him I wasn’t interested and became public enemy number one. Any opportunity to undermine me, he took.”

“Fuck. That’s shitty,” Willam’s eyes widened.

“When Blair joined, he moved on to her, although she wasn’t about to tell him to fuck off like I did, so she just politely did the smile and awkward laugh for weeks and weeks. Blair was the object of Andrew’s affections right up until he arrived at Dosac,” Vixen continued, looking protectively at Blair.

“Thank fuck,” Blair muttered, then suddenly backtracking. “I mean he was never creepy about it or inappropriate or anything. Just…fucking relentless, you know?”

“That is creepy and inappropriate. Thank Jesus he’s stopped bothering you. I was fucking exhausted from distracting him all the time so that you were safe from his advances,” Vixen said bluntly, taking a swift drink from her can of coke.

Willam smiled at the both of them. “So how long have you guys been together?”

Blair’s face blanched and Vixen very nearly did a spit-take from her coke can. Willam’s eyes widened.

“Sorry- I just assumed that-”

“Oh, no, it’s okay! But yeah we’re not…we’re not together! We’re just best friends,” Blair smiled sweetly, looking to Willam and then at Vixen, whose smile was only slightly forced.

“We’re the OG two bros sitting in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” Vixen said dryly, Blair’s face lighting up as she laughed. Willam wasn’t completely convinced, but she moved the conversation along anyway.

“Well, never get involved with anyone from work. It didn’t go very well for me.”

“Why have you just given up?” Vixen asked her, her eyes suddenly judgemental and making Willam feel awkward. “If you liked her that much, you should try to win her back. That’s what I’d do.”

“Oh, that’s so romantic,” Blair gushed, Vixen’s cheeks going slightly pink.

“Honestly, I’ve tried,” Willam leant back in her chair and stole another look at the table that Courtney was sitting at. It appeared that she’d gone to the toilet, probably to re-apply lipgloss or something similar.

“Not hard enough,” Vixen leant forward, her face suddenly conspiratorial. “You need to really fight. Get her back. If only just so that we can see Andrew Brady’s face falling when he realises that he’s not some fucking Greek God.”

Willam bit her lip as she glanced again to Courtney’s empty seat. “She’s at the toilet now. I should go and tell her about Andrew.”

“Yes! Tell her what he’s really like, she’s bound to be put off by that,” Blair encouraged her excitedly. Willam frowned a little, nodded, and stood up, making sure to walk past Andrew and glare as she made her way to the toilets.

He was playing with his phone and didn’t see her, but Willam was buoyed by her power move nonetheless.

Just as she’d expected, she found Courtney standing at the mirror with a mascara wand, her hand raised to her eyes which darted to the door and instantly narrowed as she saw who had come in.

“Court-”

“Don’t fucking ‘Court’ me,” she snapped, putting the wand back in the tube and averting her eyes. “You’ve been behaving like a grade A dick since Andrew arrived at the department, Willam. Or should I say even more of a dick than usual?”

Willam gave a small sigh. “I guess I deserve that.”

“Yeah. You do,” Courtney said awkwardly, looking at the mirror and then finally glancing at Willam. “What do you want anyway?”

“Okay look, I know I’ve been cunty to Andrew but he’s not what you think, Court, the guy’s a total fuckhead,” she heard herself pleading in desperation. Courtney gave a smirk and folded her arms, leaning back against the wall.

“Oh, this should be good. What, he’s responsible for war crimes in the West Indes? He’s wanted for animal abuse in seven countries? He comes up with better policies than you?”

“He’s a fuckboy,” Willam interrupted her, her voice measured but angry. How could she be so defensive of him after two days? “He’s gone after Vixen and Blair, and he was a cunt to Vixen when she rejected him. He only stopped pursuing Blair once he saw you! He’s a total leech. He’d be going after Sharon if she wasn’t publically out.”

Courtney tipped her head back and laughed callously. “You are so full of shit even your eyes are brown!”

Willam frowned. “Okay one, you stole that from Gordon Ramsay and two, they’re fucking blue.”

Courtney ignored her. “First of all, that is total lies. Andrew told me all about this situation and it was Vixen that came onto him, not the other way round! When he rejected her she turned Blair against him and they both totally hate him now!”

“Well he would say that,” Willam rolled her eyes, not believing a single word. “When did he even tell you this anyway?”

“Just now, over lunch. He also told me he’s a vegan, and he’s done business with Alan Sugar,” Courtney inspected her nails. Willam couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh so that means what, he drinks soya milk instead of green label and he applied for The Apprentice but got rejected?”

Courtney gave a sarcastic laugh of her own and stepped forward, making as if to leave but ending up right in front of Willam. “Admit it- you can’t stand him because he’s shown an interest in me and I’m showing an interest back, and you can’t bear it when I’m not fawning over you.”

“No, I can’t stand him because he’s a smarmy dickhead who clearly bullshits ridiculous amounts and you’ve fallen for it all without even questioning it!” she scowled, sighing suddenly as she met Courtney’s eyes. She could feel herself starting to talk as if it was her last chance to ever get Courtney on her own. “But of course I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous, Court, I mean I still fucking…care about you. And I miss you, and I wish I’d never said all that shit to Bianca but you know that, and I just wish we could move forward and put all this crap behind us because it’s fucking killing me, Court.”

“Willam…” Courtney exhaled, looking to the ceiling and shaking her head. Sensing her moment of weakness, Willam continued.

“And I know you still care about me too. And I know for sure there’s a part of you that’s making all this effort with Andrew to make me jealous, and it’s working. I want you back, Court, and I know you want to come back, so fuck it, why don’t we just try again?”

They were so close to each other and Courtney’s eyes were lowered to the floor as if she really was reconsidering, and Willam was so caught up in the moment and truly believed she had a chance that she suddenly took Courtney’s chin, raised it and kissed her, hoping it would bring Courtney round, hoping it would make Courtney completely fall for her again, and Willam couldn’t measure the amount she’d missed Courtney’s soft lips on hers and-

The shove came out of nowhere. Although if Willam was being honest, she supposed she deserved it. Courtney’s face was thunderous as she glared at Willam, making her way to leave.

“The sooner you realise you’re not God’s fucking gift, the better,” she hissed at her, before opening the bathroom door and leaving.

Willam looked at herself in the mirror. Her pupils were blown from lust, and her face was beetroot red from the fucking embarrassment.

“Well that went well,” she muttered to herself, rubbing her neck and standing there, alone.

***

Willam arrived the next day with a renewed sense of fight. She’d spent the rest of yesterday embarrassed, not even able to touch her pad thai as she explained what had happened to Vixen and Blair, and she had gone back to the department with a red face and had quietly worked on the citizenship stats until she went home.

Not today, though, Willam resolved. Today would be different. Today was the day that she was back to bossing things at work. She had spent all night coming up with stats that showed why Andrew’s spare-bedroom tax was a fucking catastrophic idea, and she was prepared to land them on Sharon’s desk with a thud as soon as she got through the door. There was no way in hell that policy was happening, not if she could help it.

Her new-found determination didn’t just stop at work. If Courtney was allowed to flirt and make Willam jealous, then Willam was going to do it right back. She had stopped off at Oxford Street after work and bought herself a new black-and-yellow tartan jacket and miniskirt combo, taking advantage of the memory she had of when she and Courtney had watched Clueless together and Courtney had gushed about how seeing Cher Horowitz on screen for the first time had been her sexual awakening. Willam had blow-dried her hair out so that it was sleek and shining, and she’d woken up half an hour early to do her makeup. Courtney was right, she had been behaving like an asshole, but this asshole was not going down without a fight.

She strode into the office with her head held high, despite the fact she was twenty minutes late and Sharon would almost definitely already be in. If there was ever a time to be late, however, it was when Sharon was pining after Alaska and cared about very little. On her way up to the office in the lift, she checked her hair one last time before stepping out and trotting her way inside.

The first person to notice her was Katya, the only one who still took the time to say good morning to her anymore, who lifted her head from her desk and stared at her with wide eyes.

“Holy fuck, Willam! You look hot as shit today!” she cried, Willam laughing a little at her lack of subtlety.

“Thanks, Katya. Figured I needed some new outfits for work, so I just treated myself last night when I got home.”

“You look like the bitch from Clueless,” Katya continued, Willam allowing herself to cast her eyes to Courtney’s desk. She wished she had her phone out to capture what she saw- Courtney, who had obviously just been talking to Andrew, had her mouth hanging open, her jaw slack, and her eyes almost staring out of her head. It was exactly what Willam had wanted to happen. Andrew, for his part, looked mildly impressed, if a little pissed off that Courtney’s attention had been taken.

Willam calmly walked to her seat and sat down, bringing out the massive poly pocket full of statistics and articles and firing up her computer. Looking out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sharon in her office, scrolling through her phone and looking bored. She decided to strike while the iron was hot. Jumping up from her desk, she grabbed the poly pocket and knocked on the door, hardly waiting for a “come in” before she burst in. Sharon looked up from her phone and raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“You look like a 13 year old trying to get into a nightclub.”

“And good morning to you too. Jesus fuck, what is that smell?” Willam screwed up her nose, looking around the office for the offending odour.

“Most of the footlong sub from yesterday. It’s in the bin,” Sharon gestured lethargically. Willam frowned and sat in the seat in front of her.

“Sharon, you need to eat something.”

“What? I managed most of the cookies and I’m still drinking coffee. That’s like, vitamins, right?” Sharon rolled her eyes as if she was an unimpressed teenager getting nagged by a parent. “Why are you in here anyway, Willam?”

Just as she’d envisioned, Willam slapped the poly pocket onto Sharon’s desk. “That is about 26 A4 pages full of numbers and stats as to why that fucking spare room tax is the worst idea since…fuck it, it’s too early, I can’t come up with putdowns.”

“Willam, it’s too late,” Sharon laughed humourlessly. “It’s going ahead. Press conference on Friday.”

Willam had never been closer to flipping an actual table. “What the fuck, Sharon?!”

“I had my meeting with the PM this morning- not that you’d know because you were late,” Sharon gave her a stern look from across the table. “And I brought up the policy with him. He said it was exactly the kind of thing we should be doing. So it’s going ahead.”

“That is not a fucking green light, Sharon, and you know it. Should is not equivalent to yes.”

Sharon screwed up her face. “Yes it fucking is! If someone says to you, we should do this, it’s approval! It’s them saying yes!”

Willam threw herself back in the chair, irritated. Sharon’s gaze softened as she saw how annoyed she was.

“Look, Willam. Would I be launching this policy if I hadn’t spent all of last night researching it myself? I know what it entails, I know of the drawbacks. It’s a good idea. I know you’re pissed because Andrew came up with it and he’s the fucking devil incarnate to you right now, but I’m going ahead with it. Jinkx is phoning the treasury.”

Willam gave a heavy sigh. Just then, there was a knock on the door. She could see Bianca’s wide eyes staring in through the glass, and Sharon gave a call for her to come in.

“Morning, all. How are things? Please don’t tell me if anything’s gone wrong, I’m at the point where I’d rather not know,” she said, sinking into the chair beside Willam. Sharon seemed to wake up a little upon the arrival of her boss.

“Quite the opposite, actually. We’re launching a new policy on Friday. Cleared it with the PM. Treasury’s being phoned. It’s going ahead.”

Bianca raised her eyebrows, impressed. “Cleared it with the PM? Very nice. What is it?”

“It’s a spare room tax. Taxing the rich fuckers that rattle about in their big houses to raise money for less well-off families. Andrew thought of it,” Sharon shrugged. Bianca looked out at the office only to see Andrew leaning on Courtney’s desk as they both laughed.

She frowned. “Yeah, well I’m glad he manages to get some good ideas out there in between buttering up that jar of vegemite out there. Take it you two are finished whatever it was you had, then?”

Bianca had turned to Willam. Willam tried her best not to seem as if she’d just been stabbed in the stomach. “Yes, that’s done, Bianca.”

“Good,” she smiled easily. “How are the children, anyway?”

“Andrew is a fucking smartarse whose only goal is to stand about and talk to Courtney all day,” Willam immediately jumped in, feeling like a simmering pot. “Blair is pleasant but could do with some more training- she knows very little. If you don’t hire Vixen at the end of the internship then you’re an idiot. She’s far and away the most competent of the three.”

Bianca let out a laugh. “She’s also a hothead. You’ve not seen her lose the rag with anyone yet. I like her though, she’s fun. Any opinions, Sharon?”

“I don’t really have the energy to care much about three people who aren’t even going to be in the department come next week, to be honest.”

“I can see that,” Bianca said gravely. Her voice became quieter. “How are things with you, anyway?”

Sharon paused and looked at the ceiling. “Good days and bad days.”

“Are you eating enough?” Bianca then turned to Willam. “Make sure she’s eating enough.”

“I will.”

“This might cheer you up,” Bianca turned to address Sharon. “They’ve taken a man in for questioning regarding the threats. He’s being detained at Scotland Yard, so you should be safe for now. Ely is still going to shadow you at home as a precaution, but you should be able to rest easy for a while.”

“Oh! Hallelujah! Bring out the fucking confetti cannons! Thank fuck I no longer am being threatened! That’s something to really celebrate! Sorry,” Sharon sighed as she calmed down, the sarcastic tone in her voice melting away. “Just…lots of things are hard right now. But thank you for making something easier, Bianca.”

Bianca looked to the floor and coughed, as if she was embarrassed.

“Right then. I will be on my way,” Bianca said by way of a goodbye, standing up and tucking her chair in.

As Willam watched her retreat through the office door, she frowned at Sharon. “Hey. Be grateful. She’s doing as much as she can.”

“Have you actually become my mother overnight?!” Sharon snapped, scowling.

“Well if you’re not going to look after yourself, someone has to!” Willam bit back, shocked at herself over how defensive she was being. Thankfully, mercifully, Sharon had the good grace to look embarrassed before the conversation descended down a path Willam didn’t want to take.

“Sorry, Willam. You’re right, I should be happy he’s been put away. And thank you,” she sighed, finally meeting Willam’s eyes. “For looking after me.”

“Just…take care,” Willam frowned awkwardly, before a small smile spread across her face. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. Who else would have the drive to launch a policy two weeks after a devastating breakup?”

“Anything to take my mind off the situation,” Sharon laughed dryly, suddenly staring into space. Willam looked at her, the woman that had once looked so powerful suddenly seeming so small in her chair.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea? It’s not food but it’s close,” Willam shrugged, hoping Sharon would say yes so that there would at least be something in her stomach. Sharon nodded wordlessly from behind her computer and Willam got up immediately, making her way to the kitchen.

She was just about to walk in when she stopped in her tracks as she heard a laugh she recognised as Courtney’s interspersed with another man’s- obviously Andrew’s. She could have walked straight in and made the situation awkward, but instead she paused. She didn’t know what she was expecting to hear.

“So, did you ever expect to get one of your policies launched when you turned up to intern here?”

“Well, I never expected to see someone as fit as you here, but here we are.”

Willam felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach as Courtney laughed again. “Shut up! You’re a dog. But seriously, you must be happy?”

“Yeah, I am. It’s a good policy. Shame not everyone could be convinced.”

Immediately, Willam froze. It was obvious he was talking about her and now the conversation was going to go down a road she wasn’t sure she wanted to follow. Still, she kept listening.

“Oh, don’t worry about Willam,” Courtney said, with a sigh in her voice. “She’s everyone’s biggest critic.”

“Yeah well, that’s fine if you have the knowledge to back it up. Didn’t see her coming up with many decent ideas in that meeting,” Andrew laughed scathingly. Willam felt something inside her pop- this was the first time she had ever heard anyone question how good she was at her job, and it only made her dislike of Andrew more intense. Her heart hurt as she felt sure Courtney would jump at the chance to bad mouth her.

“No, she didn’t have many,” Courtney started, her voice somewhat hesitant. “But she is a good member of the team. She was behind most of New Communities, actually. And apparently Bianca is lining her up for a job at Number 10. Say what you like about her, but she’s good at her job.”

Willam stood frozen to the spot, a little stunned. She wasn’t quite sure what to think, or say. Courtney continued, the clang of a spoon against porcelain indicating something being stirred. “I’ll probably get forgotten about when she goes there, and Alaska hasn’t messaged me once since she walked out. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy being an advisor, but…it’s just shit when your friends leave you on their way up the ladder.”

“I didn’t realise you and Willam were friends,” Andrew prompted her, his tone questioning and almost a little accusatory.

“We’ve…” the stirring stopped as Courtney paused. “We’ve had a bit of a falling-out. Things are a bit weird between us at the moment. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about her.”

Willam felt as if there were tiny fireworks in her blood, her pulse so fast it seemed electric. Courtney still cared.

“What, she try to steal your man or something?” Andrew laughed. “She has that look about her.”

Willam didn’t even care about the jibe. Courtney still cared about her.

“How could she steal my man when he’s right in front of me?” Willam could hear the smile in Courtney’s voice, and Andrew at once barked a laugh.

“I don’t know why you keep telling me off for flirting when you’re just as bad.”

“True. You love it though,” Courtney was still smiling. “Come on, let’s get back. I think Bianca’s gone now so she won’t tell you off for chatting to me.”

“What a way to get fired, though.”

Willam felt panic rise in her stomach as she heard movement from within the kitchen, immediately sprinting as quietly as she could manage back down the corridor, back into the department and launching herself into her seat. She was at once hurt and overjoyed, hopeful and pessimistic, and she hadn’t a clue what to think.

It was only about an hour later that she remembered that she was meant to make Sharon a tea.

***

The two days leading up to the new policy launch had been the longest of Willam’s life. Watching Andrew and Courtney’s flirting become more and more frequent and watching Vixen and Blair continue to behave like Care Bears was taking its toll big time, and Willam had been quietly preparing for the new launch alone. At times, however, she was sure she saw Courtney watching her out of the corner of her eye, or passing by her desk as if she wanted to speak to her. She wasn’t sure if she was reading the situation correctly or just going absolutely mental.

Finally, however, it was Friday, and the nightmare that had been this week would soon be over. Willam just had a press conference to get through and she could wave the interns goodbye (well, wave Vixen and Blair goodbye and all but stick her heel up Andrew’s backside), go home and sit alone trying to get her head straight.

It was lunchtime, and the press conference was due to take place in only an hour when everything started to go to shit. Willam was working on the immigration figures when she suddenly heard a massive squeal from the comms team. Looking over, she saw Courtney standing by Trixie’s desk. She seemed to be frantically trying to shush her, but she was laughing and had a massive smile on her face. Willam watched as Katya wheeled her way over to the two girls, confusion painted on her face. Listening closely, Willam’s heart dropped when she heard Trixie stage-whisper to Katya.

“He asked her on a date!”

As Katya began squealing, Willam’s eyes seemed to stare into the paper in front of her. What the fuck? Only two days ago, Courtney had seemed as if she still maybe wanted to try again with her, and she had only known Andrew for five days. Now she was going on a date with him? Willam felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. Rising slowly from her desk, she began to walk to Sharon’s office. Not bothering to knock, she instead flung the door open, the rage now showing on her face.

“Can you fucking believe that that fucking weasel-faced newborn baby prick out there is taking Courtney on a date? I mean can you fucking believe it?!” Willam immediately exploded, before stopping quickly. Sharon was on the phone, her face grave, and whatever it was didn’t seem good. Willam could only listen, and she recognised Bianca’s tinny yelling down the phone instantly.

“But it did really sound as if he wanted to…yes, I know what he said, I’m sorry….well we can’t cancel it, they’ll be here in an hour! Well I don’t know! Bianca-” Sharon looked at her phone as the other woman had clearly hung up. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.”

“What is it? What’s happened?” Willam asked, immediately anxious. Sharon shot up from her desk chair, making her way to the door. She was babbling the whole time.

“If someone says “should”, it means yes! “Should” is a positive thing, right? He said “we should be doing this”, so how the fuck was I supposed to know he didn’t actually want to do it?!” Sharon threw open the glass door and shouted out into the office. “My office, now!”

Willam could only watch as Sharon retreated back to her chair and Courtney, Andrew, Vixen, Blair and Jinkx ran in, their faces painted with identical expressions of confusion.

“What’s happening?” Blair asked nervously, brave enough to be the first one to speak.

“What’s happening is that Bianca has just phoned me telling me that the Prime Minister is absolutely livid with me, because allegedly “should” doesn’t mean yes, and when he said that he approved of my policy, he apparently didn’t approve it enough to mean actually launch it!” Sharon ranted, tearing her hands through her hair in distress. Willam exhaled loudly.

“I fucking knew we shouldn’t have gone with this policy, I fucking said-”

“Oh, shut up, Willam!” Courtney snapped, Willam immediately looking at her in shock. Courtney looked a little shocked too, as if she was surprised she’d said it herself.

“Hey,” Vixen suddenly opened her mouth, glaring at Courtney. “Don’t speak to her like that. You’re meant to be a professional, not a fucking child.”

“Says the woman who’s swearing in the workplace?” Andrew rolled his eyes, turning on Vixen. Willam saw the fire flash in Vixen’s eyes, and she seemed to be just about to bit back when Blair butted in.

“You absolute fucking hypocrite! Don’t start pretending you’re above swearing just because you want to impress Courtney!”

“Would you all just shut the fuck up and stop bickering like six year olds?!” Sharon suddenly exploded, the room immediately falling silent. “I have to completely invent a policy to launch at this press conference, which is now-” she looked at the clock. “- fifty minutes away, and my entire team of advisors are arguing?!”

Everyone looked to the floor, embarrassed. Silence fell as everyone racked their brains to come up with something to launch while Sharon paced nervously.

“Sharon,” Courtney began softly. “Weren’t you and Alaska working on a campaign at some point? The one about mental health for teenagers? It’s not a policy, but it could be the focus for the press conference?””

Sharon stopped, sitting down and appearing at once to deflate. “We were, but it’s nowhere near completion. I suppose we could have used it, but she’s got it all on her memory stick.”

Andrew frowned. “Can’t you call her and ask for it?”

Sharon narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been trying to phone her every day for the last fortnight, I somehow doubt she’ll pick up now.”

“She’s not answered any of my texts either,” Courtney sighed, her shoulders slumping. Willam took her phone out of her pocket, suddenly angry at Alaska.

“This is ridiculous. She’s going to have to pick up for one of us sometime. I’m phoning her,” she said decisively, stepping out of the crowded office and into the adjacent meeting room to give herself some privacy.

The line began to ring.

“Come on Alaska. Pick up,” Willam whispered to herself through gritted teeth, the silence only amplifying how loud her heart was pounding.

Three more rings.

“Come on you fucking son of a bitch mother fucking-”

“Willam,” Alaska’s voice came down the line, a little weary but still very much seeming like her old self. “How are you?”

“Jesus Christ, well thanks very much for answering all my other calls and texts,” Willam began, exasperated beyond belief at how Alaska could just pick up the phone and act like nothing had happened.

“So still the same old grumpy bitch I know and love.”

“Alaska, this isn’t the time to joke with me right now, we’re in serious shit. I need you to come into Dosac and bring the pen drive with the teenage mental health campaign on it, it’s urgent.”

“Oh, that’s nice, so you’re only phoning because you want something?” Alaska’s voice turned cold down the line. Willam felt as if she was about to pop with anger.

“Well if you wanted to talk about our lives then you should have picked up the other fucking twenty times I phoned you!”

A beat of silence. “I’ve been busy. The by-election’s soon.”

“Well I’ve been busy too, but believe it or not, Alaska, my life’s still been crumbling apart and I could have used a friend!” Willam barked, only realising how loud her voice was when she tuned back into the silence of the room.

“I saw your texts,” Alaska started, her voice apologetic. “I’m sorry about what happened with you and Courtney.”

Willam sighed. “Yeah, well. Me too.”

There was a small amount of time where neither of them spoke.

“I can’t go back into Dosac, Willam,” Alaska said, Willam almost able to see her shaking her head.

“Oh Alaska, come the fuck on, swallow your damn pride. We need that campaign, please.”

“Does Sharon know I’m being phoned?”

Willam wasn’t sure what the best answer would be. “Yes.”

“Fuck,” Alaska groaned quietly, and Willam’s heart sank. “Could one of you not just meet me in the lobby with it or something?”

“Alaska, we’ve got a press conference in forty-five minutes that we need this campaign for. Act like a fucking adult and just come into work.”

There was a silence on the line in which Willam was afraid Alaska would hang up. She decided to hit her where it hurt.

“If you ever cared about Sharon, you’d bring the fucking stick in.”

“Willam, that’s fucking-” Alaska began, angry, then there came a sigh down the phone. “Fine. I’ll come in. See you soon.”

Before Willam could say anything else, Alaska hung up. Immediately, she dashed back through to the office, where everyone was waiting nervously in silence.

“She’s coming in with it,” Willam said, Courtney exhaling with relief. “Didn’t say how long she’d be but I hope she’s here before we have to start.”

“Holy fuck, right, okay,” Sharon said, her eyes darting around her desk in panic. “Um, interns, get back to whatever you were doing, I need you working hard when she gets here. Courtney, I need to borrow your makeup.”

“Can I do anything?” Willam offered. Sharon tapped nervously on her desk.

“No, you just stay here. I need two people to resuscitate me if I pass out,” she said, her breathing growing heavier by the minute.

So Willam did wait, as Courtney gently applied Sharon’s makeup and Sharon fretted and worried out loud that Alaska was probably not even going to turn up, and that they’d have to cancel at the last minute, and that they only had half an hour from now and it only takes five minutes to walk from Alaska’s flat to here.

But sure enough, just as Willam was beginning to panic that Alaska wouldn’t arrive and that they were going to have twenty minutes to invent a policy, there came a soft thud of footsteps from down the corridor. Sharon shot up from her desk quicker than Willam could turn her head to see who it was, and the Minister was out of her office door as fast as she could go.

Once Sharon had left her office, Willam watched with a sort of amusement as she immediately froze in front of her ex, seemingly completely unsure of what to say. Alaska, for her part, looked momentarily shocked as if she’d forgotten that Sharon would be present at work.

Willam watched as the two of them stood and looked at each other for what seemed like forever. The interns had clearly sensed the chance in atmosphere and were watching from afar, as were the comms girls. For a moment Willam wondered if she should say something to help either of them out, but luckily Alaska spoke first. She cleared her throat gently.

“Hello, Sharon,” she said, a small, tight smile spreading quickly across her face then disappearing as if it had never been there.

“Alaska. It’s good to see you,” Sharon returned the awkward pleasantries. The way they were speaking was more like work colleagues than girlfriends, although Willam supposed that they weren’t really either any more. “How is the, um. How is the by-election prep going?”

Alaska looked to the floor, even though Sharon’s question didn’t seem to be loaded. “It’s eh, busy. Busy but good, and fun. Meeting new people, making new connections, that sort of thing.”

“Of course,” Sharon smiled briefly, then looked at the pen drive in Alaska’s hand. “Thank you for bringing the campaign in. I know it’s not perfect, but it’s something- we had to scrap this other policy that we had because-”

Sharon suddenly seemed animated, but cut her own sentence off as she caught sight of Alaska’s face, an expression on it that Willam found hard to read- perhaps sadness, perhaps annoyance. She didn’t know. Sharon had stopped speaking and was now looking to the floor as if she had embarrassed herself. “Anyway, I won’t bore you with the details. We can definitely use a lot of what’s here. You had some really good ideas when we came up with this. You’ll be great at policies when you’re an MP.”

Alaska gave what seemed to be a genuine smile at the compliment, suddenly bashful. “I won’t know that until the election.”

“The public will love you,” Sharon smiled softly. Alaska’s gaze seemed to soften as she took a step forward, and for one moment Willam’s heart leapt as she thought Alaska might have been about to give Sharon a kiss, or a hug, but instead she gave her the USB. As their hands made brief contact, a look passed between the girls that made it seem as if both of their hearts were simultaneously breaking.

“You know, Sharon,” Alaska began quietly as she took a step back. “I didn’t have to bring that campaign in. I was going to use it as one of mine if I became an MP.”

“I know,” Sharon gave the tiniest of sighs as she looked Alaska in the eye. “Thank you.”

Alaska paused as if she was about to say something else. For a moment, it seemed as if nothing and nobody in the department moved, the whole room on tenterhooks. Just as Alaska opened her mouth, Jinkx appeared seemingly out of nowhere at Sharon’s side.

“Secretary of State, I’m sorry but I’m afraid I do need to know if- oh! Alaska! There we go, I don’t need an answer now. Pen drive sorted, campaign ready to go! Good to see you, Alaska,” she breezed, disappearing as quickly as she had arrived. Willam could have strangled her- it had seemed as if something was about to be said, something had been about to happen- but instead, Alaska gave a resigned smile.

“Well, good luck with the launch. It was good to see you all. Court, Willam. Sharon,” she gave a shy wave before slowly turning on her heel and walking out of the department, not once turning back.

Courtney was the first to speak. “Are you okay, Sharon?”

“I’m fine,” Sharon said harshly, Willam not failing to notice the rough swallow the other woman gave.

“Definitely?” Willam prompted gently, stopping when Sharon turned to glare at her.

“I’m fine,” she repeated. “Let’s launch this fucker.”

***

Willam came to on a familiar sofa with a soft blanket tucked around her shoulders and a clanking of cutlery and crockery slowly making its way into her stream of consciousness. Opening her eyes and blinking, she was relieved to find she had escaped the hangover that had seemed so impending the night before. Her gaze found its way to the kitchen in the other corner of the room, where the tall, skinny girl was busy spooning something slightly orange-y into two identical chipped blue bowls. Willam sat up gingerly on the sofa, suddenly worried in case the hangover hit her square in the face. Luckily it didn’t.

She frowned as she watched the other girl in the kitchen. “Sharon?”

The girl quickly looked up, smiling to reveal a gap between her two front teeth and brushing her yellowy-blonde hair out of her face. “Oh good, you’re awake.”

“Yeah. I don’t really know how I got here last night.”

“Meh. Same way you normally get here,” Sharon shrugged, cleaning her glasses on the oversized t-shirt she used as a pyjama top which were fogged up from the steam of whatever she had been cooking.

“I don’t remember shit,” Willam sighed, leaning forward and rubbing her temples as if it would conjure up any memories. “Fuck, I’m meant to have a group meeting at 12pm for this fucking project, I’ve got 3,000 words due for tomorrow and I took so much shit that I didn’t know the name of last night. Why is my life such a mess?”

Sharon smirked, bringing the two bowls towards her and sitting them down on the small coffee table in front of the sofa. She sank into the space beside Willam, snuggling under the blanket and resting her head against her shoulder. Willam shook her head as she picked up the bowl, a clean-ish silver fork sticking out of it. “What in the fuck is this?”

“Canned ravioli,” Sharon smiled, Willam screwing her face up in response. Sharon continued before she had the chance to protest. “Hey. Listen. It’s a hug in a bowl. It can fix everything. It is the ultimate fucking comfort food. Just eat until you feel better.”

Willam allowed the flash of a memory to play through her mind before she picked up the two mugs that sat in front of her, stuck a fork in each of them, and carried them through to the department. Most people had gone home after the campaign had been launched without what seemed to be too much of a hitch- certainly Courtney had left the building, arm-in-arm with Andrew as they chatted excitedly about their date on Saturday night. Willam was hurt badly, but she supposed that she was glad that Courtney had seemed to have found someone who could make her happy. If that person wasn’t Willam, then that was that. Willam wasn’t quite at the level of acceptance yet, but she was just relieved that Courtney seemed happy.

Sharon, on the other hand, didn’t look nearly ready to accept anything yet. Since her encounter with Alaska she’d been even worse than she had been, and had spent the hours after the campaign launch sitting alone in her office. So Willam had decided to do what had always seemed to fix things for them both at Uni, and had nipped out to the shop to get the remedy. She wasn’t sure that it would work, but it was worth a try.

She gently knocked on Sharon’s door, careful not to knock any of the contents of the mugs in front of her onto the floor. Without waiting for permission to enter, Willam shouldered the door open as Sharon looked up from her desk, confused.

“Willam, I don’t need tea.”

“No, it’s food. You’re going to eat it and like it,” Willam chastised her, placing the mug in front of her and watching as her face grew astonished. “And maybe it’ll fix everything in our lives that have gone to shit.”

A small, genuine smile crept onto Sharon’s face. “Holy shit. I haven’t had this in forever. Definitely not since Uni.”

Willam smirked as she sat down. “I could have guessed that much. I don’t think there’s many politicians out there who eat canned ravioli.”

“Why is it in a mug?” Sharon snorted a small laugh as she picked up the mug and brought it towards her. Willam rolled her eyes.

“There were no clean bowls- Sharon, what does it matter, just eat the damn thing!”

Sharon gave Willam a rueful look before stabbing a fork into one of the pasta pockets then eating it. Willam couldn’t help but look expectantly at her. Noticing her looking, Sharon let out a laugh.

“Are we gonna do the whole rigmarole around it too?!”

“Aw, come on. We have to, Sharon, it’s tradition,” Willam smiled, suddenly a little embarrassed. Sharon put her mug down and sighed.

“Okay, the love of my entire life has left me and I’m too proud or maybe too stupid to make a proper attempt to get her back because I know she’s better off without me, someone out there wants to kill me, and we’re definitely going to lose seats in this by-election,” Sharon reeled her problems off one by one. Willam picked her own mug up and leaned back in the chair opposite Sharon’s desk.

“Courtney hates me and she’s about to go on a date with a fucking asshole who she’s known all of one week,” she said, stabbing a bit of ravioli. She shrugged. “You definitely win this one.”

The two girls were silent for a while as they ate their first bite, both of them having to cope with how hot the pasta was. After Willam had swallowed, she frowned at Sharon.

“Alaska’s not better off without you.”

Sharon laughed. “Come on, Willam. She was right, my life is work and nothing else. All I have to talk about is work. Who wants that?”

“That’s not true,” Willam told her, pausing before adding to her sentence. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Willam looked down into her ravioli to avoid seeing Sharon’s reaction.

“Hey. Why don’t we go for drinks tomorrow night?” Sharon said out of nowhere, causing Willam to look up and eye her somewhat suspiciously. Sharon shrugged by way of an explanation, then continued. “Courtney’s on her date. Alaska’s probably out having fun with all her new connections somewhere. Why don’t we go get drunk together?”

Willam hesitated. She wasn’t sure if it would bring back too many memories she didn’t want to think about, or if she’d have to talk about anything she really didn’t want to. But looking at Sharon and seeing her hopeful smile made Willam reconsider. It would probably be a decent laugh, and getting drunk really seemed tempting what with the condition her life was in right now. Willam returned the smile.

“Okay, yeah. That sounds good.”

They smiled at each other again, then ate the rest of their food in companionable silence, the worries of the day somewhat forgotten about at least for a little while.

#just the game we're in #ortega #witney #shalaska #au #courtney act #willam belli #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #jinkx monsoon #bianca del rio #katya zamolodchikova #rpdr fanfiction #jtgwi

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 2 years

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Have you ever seen ZexCentral's videos on GOT? I feel like he'd have a stroke if he heard you talk that way about Bobby B

Wait a second. I think I know who you're talking about. Hold on, I need to do a quick search...

Okay, I'm back, and the answer is yes, I have indeed seen these videos. Watched all of them all the way through like a year ago. Got about two seasons in before realizing that I wasn't really enjoying myself but kind of wanted to see what he had to say about the later seasons. To be clear, it's not entirely his fault - I don't particularly enjoy the "CinemaSins" style format apart from when CinemaWins does it.

But yeah, a lot of his takes left me feeling like:

Like...okay, he's a House Baratheon stan. That's all good and fair. He doesn't like that Arya killed the Night King. Fine, most people don't, for whatever reason. But there were a number of other things that just kind of got irritating after a while (and this is a problem I have with the "sin" style format in general) where he wouldn't sin problems with the episodes, but aspects he didn't like. Okay man, I get it, you don't want The North to be independent, but the characters from The North clearly want that and have since the end of Season 1. How is it a sin, rather than, I dunno, continuity, that they still want it? Or his hatred of the recurring "Tyrion can't speak Valyrian" joke. To each their own, but I found it funny all the way through the series.

Speaking of jokes, his sense of humor really didn't resonate with me. Mainly the sex jokes. (Though I got so tired of hearing "twenty good men.") The Podrick one got...very old, very quickly. And I lost brain cells every time he referred to Robert as the "greatest cocksman in all the Seven Kingdoms" even though literally the only character to ever comment on Robert's abilities as a lover was Cersei, and she never had a good thing to say about him...but Zex sins this as a "lie," because it doesn't go along with his headcanon. Sometimes it got kind of creepy, too. At least three different times, he either made a sex joke about Arya in the early seasons, or accused the show of doing so when it didn't. Many other sins just felt like him misunderstanding things, like when he corrected Tywin about the number of kingdoms in rebellion because "technically" The Iron Islands was only attacking the North. Yes, but...Balon declared himself King? He's still in rebellion? That's just one example.

I don't mean to be so harsh on the guy I just...don't agree with hardly any of his takes. We're all entitled to our opinions, of course, but a lot of his points never made a lot of sense to me, either. He's clearly a fanboy for Robert Baratheon and talks a lot about how the Realm "prospered" under him, even though that was basically all because of Jon Arryn, and all Robert did was get the Crown into massive debt. Yes, Robert was an amusing character and Mark Addy gave a captivating performance. But I don't understand why Zex (and it's not just him, it's a lot of the fandom) are so enamored with this guy when he was only relevant for like, one season. Granted, a lot of them are Stannis fans (Aaaand fuck Stannis, sorry not sorry but I will never like that child killer) but everyone seems to think of Robert as a riot and it's like...hey, fair enough, but isn't this the guy who multiple people lied to, to stop him from going on a rampage and murdering their children? Just saying...

#Game of Thrones #Everything Wrong With

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onrainynights · 4 years

Text

So I'm about to tell y'all a tale, buckle up. Everything here is 100% true, except names are changed or shortened because duh. Also warning there is slightly nsfw content, nothing explicit and only mentioned but still warrants a warning.

So, I'm 17, almost 18. I'm a high school senior. The story starts almost two years ago, in the fall of 2018. I was a sophomore. One of my best friends, V, was in our school's show choir for the first time, and had made friends with a new guy one year our senior who was also in slow choir. I knew before I met him that he was gay, because V told me. This guy can be called E. One day, he sits at our lunch table and I'm not really paying attention to his conversation with V, I'm just eating my lunch. But then I look up and my first thought when I see him is "eyebrows" because he has really thick eyebrows and then "wow he's actually really cute." He was the first person I was attracted to in over 2 years. I proceed to ask V all about him while admiring him from afar for several months. At this point its nothing more than attraction because I've never really had a conversation with him. Then, in the spring, I volunteered at the show choir competition my school hosted. I ended up talking to him (yay), and he hugs me within minutes of meeting me. One of the first things I ever say to him is "I like your eyebrows." Things are slightly awkward, because I'm an awkward person, and so is he, but it's pleasant. Unfortunately I don't get to spend too much time with him because we both had things we needed to do and there was A LOT of drama that night not involving either of us.

After that point we would talk occasionally but never really got to know each other, UNTIL fall of my junior year and his senior year. By this point I had a crush, but it wasn't more than that and I didn't feel we knew each other well enough to warrant me telling him my feelings. We were both in the fall musical. At auditions, we were friendly. Except he asked me about J, a guy one year younger than me, who was also just as gay as both me and E. The way he asked me "Who is that?" I knew, immediately, that he was attracted to J. He sounded exactly like I did when I first asked V about E after seeing him for the first time.

Regardless, E and me talked a lot more during rehearsals, though we usually kept our conversations light in topic. We flowed well, and he was just as physically affectionate as I was. After a few weeks, I see him cuddling with J during rehearsal, and a friend informs me they started dating. I asked them both questions about how it started—a Snapchat story, go figure. At first I was jealous, but I saw how happy E seemed, and that was all that mattered. But I didn't really know J, like at all other than his name, so I started spending as much time as I could with the both of them. They were a cute couple, I have to admit, but they always did PDA because of J's homophobic family. They only ever saw each other at school.

The first time I talked to J without E there, we bonded. I don't remember over what. The next time, we were alone because I pulled him aside after he made a dirty joke that I honestly couldn't tell if he meant (he did. It was hilarious, and I told him up-front that I wanted to be friends with him. He enthusiastically agreed.) The time after that, it was because I decided he should know about my feelings for E. I didn't want him to potentially find out later on and think I was trying to steal his boyfriend. He was amazingly mature. He said he felt bad for taking E from me when I had liked him longer, but I assured him that E didn't belong to me by any means and besides, J made E happy and that was all I cared about. I think I was already in love with E by this point but I didn't know it yet. J and I joked about my feelings for E whenever we were alone. We got along really well and it was a great time.

One time I cuddled with them, and it was nice, and when E had to get up J and I kept cuddling and talked about how much we both just wanted E to be happy. It was really nice.

And then, closer to the opening night of the show when the set was being built and there were more places to be out of sight, something strange happened. Now, earlier when I said PDA I meant they made out in front of others frequently, and the first time they did anything sexual with each other was in a well-known security camera blind spot in the upstairs math hall after all the teachers had gone home. I know that because J and E (mostly J) liked to tell me about their sex life. In fact, I knew more about their relationship than most people probably did.

So we were backstage one day, when E wasn't needed on-stage much despite playing a main character. There were two prop chairs between the three of us. J sat on E's lap on the chair that had a higher back and I sat as close to them as I could in an office chair. They weren't kissing or anything, just talking.

It was innocent, at first. But then J started working E up, if you know what I mean. It wasn't really uncomfortable for me, because J somehow made me feel ~included~ in their activities. He would whisper something lewd to E, who would blush or say something back, and then would tell me about how affected E was, how hard he was. At some point I think E mentioned not wanting to come in his pants, but I'm not sure. I kinda forced myself not to look into this event after it happened, so the details are a bit fuzzy. Eventually, E made J stop because he had to go on stage soon and didn't want to have a boner while pretending to be straight. J and I talked afterwards, but I don't remember what about, and it was never mentioned between us again. I'm fairly sure that J was a bit of an exhibitionist, and that E wasn't really one but wasn't opposed to what J was doing, either.

Honestly, in hindsight, I'm not sure what to think about this, because I was always so certain they both viewed me 100% platonically, but then they included me in their "sexytimes" without hesitation. In fact, at one point a plan was in place for me to room with them on an overnight trip so that they could do the do without making their roommate uncomfortable. They were both fully aware that I was probably the only person who didn't mind their PDA, and that sentiment may seem incongruous for a love triangle such as this, but I never questioned it. I loved E selflessly, and so it made me happy to see him happy, no matter what—or who—was doing so. Also, I think perhaps I was crushing on J at some point, but I'm not sure. These screenshots are of me explaining the event to a very close friend a few days ago after the shock wore off that I hadn't told her about it as soon as it happened.

At some point, a mutual good friend of mine and E's, who we'll call A, hosted a party for the cast of our musical. I'm not sure if this was before or after the casual exhibitionism incident, but I'm inclined to think it was before.

This party did not involve alcohol of any kind because theatre kids don't need any to make a party unique, wild, and totally unforgettable. It was small, with maybe 20 people at its peak. E and I were there and J was not, because his family thoroughly sucked ass. Anyway, at that party E told me he was in love with J, and wanted to marry him some day. I, obviously, thought that was kinda crazy to say after knowing each other for two months, but I held my tongue because E smiled so widely when he said it. Later that same night, everyone was sitting around a fire, playing a game somewhat similar to truth or dare. Due to a lack of seating, E ended up sitting on my lap for most of the game, which lasted over an hour, my hands around his waist. It was very nice, and when he got up he laughed and said he forgot he was sitting on my lap. He forgot little things like that a lot. I always found it endearing.

Then the show performed and then it was over, and I didn't get to talk to E again until a few months later, and I never talked to J again. Unlike most teens, I do not talk to people online /through text unless I already know them super super well. I hate getting to know people over text. By the time I see E again, because he's the student assistant in my choir class that semester, he and J have broken up. It was messy, and E is hurt. They're on-again-off-again for several months, but I can never forgive J for hurting E, not when he had talked about only wanting E to be happy. Despite that, I wish I could have spent more time with J. He was a good person, but he and E had a toxic relationship after the honeymoon stage, I think because J simply was not ready to be in a serious relationship. (A agrees with me fully on this.)

So E talks with me and a mutual "friend" (we're all friendly but I wouldn't consider this person a friend. Funnily enough, he also had a crush on E at some point, and we bonded over this. Funny how that happens.) about his relationship, and the things he says raise some red flags about J (including J doing something E didn't like during sex and then not stopping when E asked him to. I was very very angry at this but tried not to show it). It became clear to me that their relationship was toxic, but I didn't feel like I could do anything about it. In hindsight, I should have known their relationship was doomed a lot sooner.

Specifically, there was one point during the musical that J had to resolve things with his ex, who was a friend of mine (who I didn't know was queer and wasn't supposed to until E accidentally let it slip.) While J and his ex talked, I cuddled with E and reassured him that everything would be ok. He was convinced that J would cheat on him or get back with his ex. This lack of trust should have been a sign for me, but I didn't realize it until much, much later. I was focused on comforting E at the time and J couldn't have been farther from my mind.

Then, after E and J got back together again for the last time, covid happened, and school closed. I haven't spoken to E since, and no one knows what's going on with J. The only thing anyone knows is that they're not together anymore, and from what I can tell, they're not in contact at all and aren't going to get together again. E graduated, J is at a different school, and despite everything, I miss both of them.

Every day, I pass by a photo of E and A in the hallway of my school, and my heart swells, and I feel like crying. A graduated too, and she's moving thousands of miles away at the end of October for college. E is still living in our town, going to community college, but I never get to see him.

Our school is doing a fall play instead of a musical this year, and E and A are coming to visit and see a rehearsal before A moves away. It could be one of the last times, if not the last time, I get to see either of them. I'm going to tell E about my feelings, because for the first time since I realized my feelings for him were not skin-deep, he's single and not recovering from a nasty breakup. I'm not expecting him to return my feelings, but I'm expecting surprise. I've been very careful up to this point to keep my feelings from him—I thought it would be selfish to tell him when he wasn't emotionally available. A loves the idea—apparently she thinks someone confessing feelings for her after years would be sweet—but I know that if someone did that to me I might not be so happy. I would be shocked and surprised first, and then my reaction after that would depend on the person.

Also, to complicate all of this, I'm trans and he has expressed confusion about that before (poor guy is uneducated in that department, but not bigoted and certainly better than some gay men can be, but I still have no clue if my trans status would deter him from having feelings for me)

My feelings for this guy are deeper than anything I've ever felt before. I really love him, and I know that I'll regret it forever if I never tell him. His visit feels like it's as close to the right time as I'm gonna get, and it might be my last chance on top of that. I don't need him to return my feelings, but I need to know that I did everything I could to take my chances.

TL;DR: I'm a gay idiot but I'm finally gonna tell him how I feel

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