#It never fails to make me very paranoid and anxious
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Rating: 18+. mdni.
Pairing: Park Jisung x Reader
Synopsis: The night Jisung had longed for didn't go as planned, leaving him clueless and confused. Feeling desperate, Jisung decided to confront you.
Word Count: 5.6k
Trigger Warnings: noncon, manipulation, very brief self-harm mention (skin picking), recreational drug use (marijuana)
Smut Warnings: unprotected sex, loss of virginity, biting, slight scent kink
Warning: My tags are not exhaustive. Proceed at your own discretion.
Note: I don't usually write full-length fics so feedback and comments are appreciated!
Wonbin version (I am riizeblr!)
You weren’t answering.
It had been three days since he had seen you and all that came after was missed phone calls and text messages left on delivered. You couldn’t even be bothered to open them. Jisung didn’t get it. What had he done wrong? You were being so cruel to him, especially after he had bared his heart to you days ago, left himself vulnerable and at your mercy. And now, you were making Jisung feel unwanted.
You acted like it was unexpected, something Jisung also failed to understand. There was nothing unexpected about any of this. Jisung had been scattering hints left and right since he met you. Back when the two of you were experiencing the unfortunate changes of puberty, brace-faced and skin littered with blemishes. But even then Jisung knew there would never be anyone he would want more than you. And you had been reciprocating.
You had stuck by Jisung through everything. You complimented and consoled him when he was too afraid of his daily contacts and he walked around with his cracked lenses for weeks before he got his hands on new glasses that were just as unflattering. You defended him angrily, tripping the boy who had teased Jisung’s lanky stature during gym, making sure to laugh louder than anyone else on the field when his nose met the ground. You had jumped into his arms as he dropped his matching admissions letter onto your desk, your smile bigger than his while you expressed your excitement of experiencing the world alongside him.
That was why the lack of responses left Jisung in the dark, escaping into the depths of his mind trying to piece together what happened. The night was perfect for Jisung—all of it. The setbacks didn’t feel like much to him knowing that things had undoubtedly changed that night, outweighing the certain struggle that had occurred.
Clearly, you didn’t feel the same.
Jisung threw his head back, banging it against the plush headrest of his car, exasperated and exhausted. He hadn’t slept since that night. His bed suddenly felt much too big and his body felt much too cold without you. Jisung tossed and turned, rubbing his puffy eyes as he stared at the ceiling for hours until he couldn’t take it and he picked up his phone again to text you, hoping you’d finally respond.
He sighed, feeling his lip twitch while he opened his messages, staring back at only a fraction of his pathetic pleading for your attention.
Today 2:46AM
Jisung: are you feeling okay?
Missed Call (2) 2:58AM
Today 6:47AM
Jisung: you aren’t answering me…
Missed Call 9:17PM
Today 12:46PM
Jisung: love :(
Missed Call (3) 1:18PM
Today 1:27PM
Jisung: ???
Missed Call (6) 5:58PM
Today 6:14PM
Jisung: pick up the phone y/n
Today 7:24PM
Jisung: this is getting kinda old now, don’t you think?
Today 8:01PM
Jisung: hello???
Today 9:34PM
Jisung: 🙄
Delivered.
Jisung blinked at his screen, a thumb hovering over the keyboard again. His other hand sat on his steering wheel, fingers anxiously tapping. He looked up. All the lights in your apartment building were dimmed, but he knew you were awake. You never slept this early, growing paranoid as your neighbors slept. The silence made you anxious. The mental image of darkened hallways and the flickering lights in the elevator. The emergency door was broken too, left ajar and unwatched. Jisung had advised you to move out, sending link after link about vacant apartments in his building.
You’ll be safe near me… I won't let anything happen to you.
You always dismissed him. You couldn’t afford an apartment on his side of town on your own and he knew that, but something inside him wanted to tempt you into asking him to save you in some way. It’s not like you hadn’t asked him before. You used to call Jisung to keep you company over the phone. You would tell him how comforting his voice was, his steady breathing calming your heart. Jisung wondered if you were still scared. Who else would you call? Jisung didn’t like where his mind took him.
Is this how you felt? All those nights alone in your rundown home, alone and surrounded by silence. Jisung wondered what it would feel like to be comforted by you, this time. After the words exchanged that night you should be more than willing. But then again, he wouldn’t be feeling this way if it weren’t for you.
Slender fingers hovered over his keyboard.
Today 10:33PM
Jisung: pick up the pho|
Jisung: I’m serious y/n|
Jisung: I’m running out of patie|
No.
Jisung: you won’t like what I’m about to do|
Jisung bit his lip, eyeing the words he typed without hesitation. What would he do? He blinked as an idea flashed in his mind.
No. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
Jisung: please don’t make me|
Jisung: please don’t ma|
Jisung: please d|
Jisung: ple|
Jisung swallowed. Would he?
Today 10:34PM
Jisung: you’re being incredibly immature.
Minutes passed and Jisung felt ridiculous for feeling dejected at the unchanging delivered. He didn’t know what he was expecting. He sighed again and slipped out of his car, kicking loose gravel and glancing over his shoulder as he pressed a button on his keys, watching the headlights flash as the doors locked. Once. Twice. He sniffled, the freezing wind making his nose run, catching him off-guard despite seeing the condensation fogging his windows throughout the hours he spent in his car.
The metal box of the keypad was even colder. He hurried as he entered the code on the keypad to let himself inside. He doubted it would take much to enter even if he didn’t have the passcode. Jisung paused, shaking his hair out of his eyes, what if something had happened to you? What if you were right the entire time and there truly was something lurking in the halls? A farfetched theory, but he still found himself feeling guilty for growing frustrated by you.
The trek up to your door was familiar. The walk that would leave him feeling giddy whenever you decided phone calls weren’t enough, but this time, his heart clenched. Each step he took made him feel like he was walking closer and closer to something he wasn’t prepared for.
The wood on the edges of your front door was chipped and the layer of paint thrown on top was streaky and thin. Jisung raised his fist, three confident knocks placed to the center. Jisung took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders as he waited for the rattle of your weathered copper doorknob.
Nothing.
Today 10:58PM
Jisung: I’m outside
Read 10:58PM
Jisung’s breath hitched in his throat. The desperation to speak to you, and clarify the events of that night amplified. He tapped his foot.
Jisung: open the door
Read 10:59PM
Jisung sighed, eyes flickering from the dim screen of his phone to the peeling paint of your front door.
Jisung: please?
Jisung: ?
If it weren’t for the breath caught in his throat, Jisung wouldn’t have heard the light padding of socked feet against the wooden floors. He doesn’t know how you do it. It was impressive that you had adapted to the subpar condition until you learned how to navigate your apartment in total silence, avoiding every loose wooden panel, light on your feet that were never missing cutely patterned socks. Jisung can see the thick fluffy socks in his mind, their lining protecting your precious feet from the cold ground.
Jisung was the opposite. It was like he couldn’t get away from the weak spots. His feet made an ugly creak bounce off the walls as he gave you a sheepish look. You smiled and told him you didn’t mind, unafraid of a little noise with him around. It made Jisung feel good to hear you say that. Each time, his heart swelled even bigger.
“I can hear you,” Jisung said, cheek hovering next to the door. “C’mon… let me in.”
He knew you could hear the pout in his words. You knew him well enough to know what he was feeling without him needing to tell you. He knew you just as well, at least, he thought he did. He was still baffled by this entire situation, lost and confused.
Jisung waited and still, nothing.
Jisung felt his eyes narrow and a thump in his heart. “Open the goddamn door, y/n.” He scoffed, “don’t you think I deserve some sort of explanation? At least give me that much.”
“Jisung?” you said, nothing above a whisper.
Jisung felt his breath leave his lungs. Your voice. God, he missed your sweet voice. “Yeah,” a small smile of relief lifted the corners of his lips, “it’s me… open up so we can talk, okay?”
His teeth caught his bottom lip as he waited, trying to calm his nerves. This time, the familiar rattle met his ears. The copper doorknob began to twist after a few harsh pulls. Jisung used to joke about you getting locked in, a teasing grin directed at you as he told you that not all monsters lurk outside.
Jisung saw your hands first. Your nails were coated with chipped nail polish, the same color you had been wearing the last time he saw you. They were a soft pink, the shade doing wonders for the melanin in your skin. But, you had been anxiously picking at the skin around your fingernails, some bits pulled too far, leaving your fingers littered with sore, exposed flesh. It was one of your worst habits, one that Jisung actively tried to control. When his usual tactics failed to work, he would sometimes offer his own hands. He let you pick and pull on his sensitive skin just so you wouldn’t hurt your precious digits. Jisung grazed his fingertips, feeling nothing but unharmed skin.
His eyes followed the trail of your arm as it came into view, covered in the material of an old long-sleeve that you wore almost daily in high school. Jisung had fond memories of the time. Dimmed lights and hushed voices late into the night at weekly sleepovers, secrets shared beneath blankets, or morning strolls to school with a warm cup of hot chocolate Jisung had prepared held in your gloved hands.
Jisung almost gasped when he saw your face. His heart clenched, his hands itching to reach for you and pull you close. He wanted to pull you against his chest, letting you hear the steady beat of his heart to soothe you until you finally hugged him back, gripping his shirt like he would slip away. Jisung would never dream of doing such a thing.
Jisung observed your under-eyes, the skin weighted and dark in color. Even the shade of your irises looked dulled. It was clear you hadn’t gotten any rest, much like Jisung. You probably sat awake all night, brain wandering to Jisung’s skin like his did yours. You looked at him, pupils flickering around his face that didn’t look any better than yours. The effects of being apart were apparent. You needed Jisung as much as he needed you. Perhaps this time apart made you realize that.
You blinked slowly, lashes fluttering and brushing against your swollen cheeks. Your lips puckered, teeth beginning to nibble on the inside of your cheek. Another terrible habit. Jisung wanted to kiss you, distract your restless mouth with his tongue. He wouldn’t mind, already feeling deprived of the taste of your tongue.
He lifted his hand, ghosting it over your chin. You recoiled immediately, moving your face from reach. Jisung swallowed. “You’ll hurt yourself, love.”
“I know,��� you said. “I’m sorry.”
Jisung knew what you were apologizing for. You were apologizing for gnawing on your cheek, not for all the pain you had caused him. That is what you should be remorseful about. His tears, his stress, his confusion.
“It’s okay,” his voice was soft, movements slow as he stepped into your home. “The last few days have been hard for both of us.” Jisung kicked off his shoes, gaze fixed on your face that held an unfamiliar expression. “Things will be better now that we’re together.” He approached you slowly, hands lifted to show that he was no harm to you. Jisung would never hurt you.
You looked down, fiddling with your harmed fingers. Jisung heard you draw a breath. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Jisung’s mouth felt dry, his heart felt heavy in his chest, and his brain paused, “what?”
Your lips wobbled, the breaths through your nose short and rough. “I can’t… I don’t,” you exhaled through your mouth, soothing yourself this time. “I don't want to see you anymore.”
It was Jisung’s turn to be silent. What do you mean? Why don’t you want to see him? What had he done wrong? What had changed? Aside from the obvious inevitable progression of your relationship. It was bound to happen, surely you knew that.
“Love,” Jisung began.
“Stop calling me that!” you snapped.
Jisung tutted. He had always called you “love,” it was nothing new. It was second nature to him and you had never commented on it before, you simply responded like he had called you by your name. To Jisung you were love. You were his love.
“Okay. Y/n,” he emphasized, “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say here. What do you mean you don’t want to see me anymore?”
Your eyes turned glossy when you looked at him, voice shaky, “you hurt me.”
Jisung frowned, “no, I didn’t. I would never. You know that.”
Your next words were hardly audible but your eyes were blazing. “I didn’t want you.”
Jisung couldn’t deny that it stung to hear you say that. That night had been so beautiful. Perfect. An unforgettable memory Jisung’s entire being wished to recreate.
The stars were high in the sky that night, and the noises of the city were inaudible as endless trees surrounded Jisung’s car. You were huddled in the backseat– together like you always had been and always will be– giggling uncontrollably with a stolen blunt in between his slender fingers. Jisung liked you best when you laughed. When you didn’t hold back the cheerful shifts of your face, when you didn’t cover your mouth to withhold your precious laughter.
Jisung held the blunt to your plush lips, raising a dark eyebrow to signal you to inhale the burning plant. You giggled one final time, placing your hand atop his knee as you leaned in, red-tinted pout wrapping around it. Jisung tried to look away from your lips but he was only met with the sight of your hazy eyes and heavy lids blinking up at him. You inhaled deeply, fingers pushing into his knee as you pulled away. Your fingers pushed into his leg as you held the smoke in your lungs, releasing a slow, teasing stream into his face. Jisung coughed, waving his hand in front of his face as you continued to laugh, face still close to his.
He wanted to kiss you so badly. You looked ethereal under the faint stereo light, a golden cast lighting one side of your pretty face as the other was painted with a starry blue hue. It was quiet aside from the instrumental buzz of Jisung’s playlist and the sizzle of burning bud. Then, Jisung’s breath as his heart began to thump. The longer he stared at your mouth the more his lips craved to touch yours that hovered so closely.
Before he knew it, his lips pressed against yours. It was nothing more than a fleeting peck, a graze of pouty lips against one another. Still, Jisung felt his heart flip, the drug-induced weightlessness flowing through his body made worse by his vibrating lips.
He couldn’t pinpoint the expression on your face when he finally managed to open his eyes but Jisung swears your eyes were conveying the same burning lust as his. What else could it be?
Cupping your face, Jisung pulled you flush to his puckered lips. He savored the feeling of your soft lips against his, every dry crack, and tasting remnants of strawberry lip balm. You had gifted Jisung the extra that came in the pack of two, playfully pinching his lips as you handed it to him. You need it, you’d said. You go around kissing girls like that? Jisung only laughed, keeping his head in place for you to hold for as long as you wanted. He never used it, leaving it in the center console for you to use when you got in his car as if you owned it, like everything that was his was yours. Jisung liked seeing the way you applied it, carefully circling your mouth with precision.
Jisung’s tongue carefully flicked your lip, thumb brushing your cheek as he did so. He still felt your hand on his knee, so close yet so far from where he craved your touch.
He caught your tongue when you began to speak. Words Jisung will never hear were swallowed by his eager mouth that took the opportunity to roam the inside of yours. He could taste it all, saliva tainted with the flavor of weed and the unfinished package of gummy worms you had carelessly thrown behind you after Jisung offered you another hit.
He moaned against your lips as he moved his touch to your hips, desperation getting the best of him. He yanked on your sides until you rested on his thighs, warm and soft and weighted. His hands roamed your sides, slipping up and down your frame as you tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling experimentally. Jisung whined, pleased with the sharp pain.
The sound seemed to take you out of whatever mindset you were in as you began to pull away from his kiss. Jisung, however, couldn’t get himself to stop. His lips traveled along your jaw and down the line of your neck, licking away the salty sweat caused by the heater Jisung had forgotten to turn off. He moaned against you, nosing at the wet kisses he left behind, hoping that by inhaling deep enough, he could smell himself on your skin.
You whimpered when Jisung nibbled on your collarbone. Your hands found his hair again, “Ji…”
Jisung shivered, cock slowly filling with blood after hearing the shake in your voice. Unable to control himself, Jisung sank his teeth into the side of your throat.
You jumped, pulling away from him. “Ouch,” you frowned, delicate fingertips ghosting over the area.
“I’m sorry, my love,” he breathed. Your lips were puffy and Jisung felt his dick pulse. “C’mere,” he mumbled, running his fingers along the hem of your shirt.
You placed your hands on his, “I don’t think this is a good idea…”
Jisung hummed, leaning in until his nose touched your chest, “yes, it is. C’mon, baby.” He inhaled your scent, “kiss me just a little bit.”
“No,” you squirmed, “we’re friends, Ji.”
“Friends like us kiss,” he reasoned absentmindedly. “Friends like us kiss and touch each other,” his touch slipped under your top, “make each other feel good. Make me feel better… I’ve waited so long.”
Jisung’s fingers reached the wire of your bra, pulling it up so he could slip his hand underneath. He cupped your breasts, groaning while pushing his face deeper into your chest, “so long.”
You shivered, “stop.”
Jisung didn’t, instead, he pulled your shirt up and over your tits, yanking on your bra until it stretched above your chest. Jisung finally opened his eyes, shaking his hair from his face as he stared at the swells of your chest, watching your nipples harden, aimed at his mouth like they were asking him to kiss and suck and pinch.
You gasped as his warm mouth wrapped around one of the stiffened buds, gently sucking. You weakly pushed at his shoulder, “too far… this is too far.”
Jisung felt his pants tighten further, cock straining in his underwear. You writhed on his lap, unsure if you wanted to pull your chest away from his lips or press yourself against his pretty face.
He pulled on the string of his sweats, untying the loose fabric and pushing it down his thighs hurriedly. “No,” he said, leaving a wet kiss on the valley between your tits while his fingers crept closer to your skirt, “not too far. It’s not too far. It’s okay, okay?”
You jolted, recoiling at the sensation of his dripping head against your clothed folds. “No! Too far. Let me go.”
Jisung made a sound, pained and slightly hurt by your resistance. “I can’t. I need you. Look…” You didn’t. You couldn’t. You couldn’t face the dim sight of Jisung’s cock standing tall against his toned stomach, leaking and ready to push inside your velvet walls as his eager fingers worked to push your thin panties to the side, exposing you to the warm air.
You shook your head, weak from the marijuana coursing through your veins. “I’m not ready,” you whimpered.
Jisung hadn’t thought much about the comment at the time, too focused on aligning his cock to your hole. You were too sensitive, dripping from brief nipple stimulation. You clung to Jisung as he pushed inside you, tense and shaking your head against his long hair, whimpering. You hissed, nails pushing into his shirt, mumbling in pain. But Jisung couldn’t bring himself to care, too entranced by the tight squeeze around his dick, your body pressed against his, your searing breath, whimpers, and whines brushing past his ear.
Jisung should have known. A part of him feels guilty, but another feels smug, proud, and satisfied knowing that he was the first to defile you. Tucked into the backseat of his car, warm, high, and loving.
He hoped you could feel it. The love in the help he offered as he made you ride him, the love in every thrust when he couldn’t take the slow pace and he laid you down, fixing your messy hair until it left your pretty face. Your wet face. Jisung told himself it was sweat that covered it. It was tears from feeling too good. Tears of joy. Anything but what he knew it was.
Though, none of that mattered now.
Now you stood in front of him, a fiery film over your devastated gaze. You crossed your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders, concealing yourself. Your hair was out of place, your face was devoid of makeup and weighed down by dark circles, and your lips were bitten raw. The same lips that wrapped around every syllable of the statement Jisung can’t get himself to believe.
I didn’t want you.
Jisung chuckled, the noise devoid of amusement. “Sure, you didn’t.”
Jisung watched your chest inflate as you inhaled, glancing at the wall behind his head and avoiding his eyes as they looked for yours. “I told you I wasn’t ready. You just took it from me.”
Jisung paused. It. You couldn’t even say the word of what he had claimed. Not taken. Claimed. It had always belonged to Jisung. Your virginity. Your innocence. Purity. Whatever you wanted to call it. It all meant the same thing. Jisung had gotten the prize he craved for years, shooting his spent into your clean cunt, cream reaching far inside you, filled to the brim with him. Your precious cunt had received him so well, too. Your body knew what your mind didn’t. You wanted him.
“I know that’s what you said, but-”
Your eyes snapped towards him, looking at Jisung incredulously. “So you did hear me? You just chose to ignore me? To…” you paused, the roll of an “r” dying on your tongue. “You chose to take advantage of me?”
Jisung frowned.
Your lips wobbled, “I was scared.”
“Maybe at first.”
“Excuse me?”
Jisung sighed, “you creamed around me, baby. You squeezed me so tight I could hardly move. You cried for me. Milked me dry.” Jisung licked his lips, the memory flashing behind his eyes as he blinked, “you wanted me.”
Your lips parted, closed, then parted again. Jisung could see the way your brain turned as you looked at him, but again, he couldn’t figure out what thoughts went through your mind.
Jisung took slow steps towards you, wood creaking beneath his feet, “I know you still think about it.” He reached for your face, “how good it felt to be so full.”
You turned your face, removing Jisung’s touch. He reached for your hair instead, pushing it over your shoulder. “My cock fit inside you perfectly, didn’t it?” he tilted his head, slowly inching close to the crook of your neck, nose brushing against the surface. Jisung inhaled deeply, your scent made his eyes flutter shut. Your damp skin dripping with the smell of your sweet musk and body wash.
You said nothing, breath hitching as Jisung’s tongue flattened against your neck, licking. You squirmed, raising your shoulder towards the side of your face, hands ghosting over his chest, but your intention was clear. “Jisung, please.”
Glancing away from you, Jisung huffed. His eyes found the pictures lining your walls, stagnant memories framed for all to see. Most of them featured Jisung. His favorite picture was meticulously arranged in the middle – Jisung’s doing, of course – the first picture to capture the attention of all who observed the crowded wall.
Jisung’s arms were wrapped around your middle, his head rested on your shoulder. His hair was longer then, tangled with yours as the wind blew ruthlessly. Jisung remembered how cold it was, the ocean sending cold air in waves that made bumps rise along your skin. Your smile was as wide as his, eyes bright and beaming as you looked into the camera.
“I love you.”
Jisung kept his eyes on the picture as he waited.
“I do, too, Jisung.”
“No,” he shook his head. He faced you, cradling your face between his hands again. “I love you.”
“Jisung,” Your shoulders sag, your gaze dropping to the floor, “please don’t make me say it.”
“Then don’t.” A lump rose to Jisung’s throat, “Don’t. Because you do.”
“I don’t,” you whispered, a tear slipping from the corner of your eye. “I’m sorry but I don’t.”
Jisung felt his heart drop, “you do. I can prove it.”
His plump lips moved towards yours, his hold on your face lifting it. Your lips wobbled as he inched closer, scorching breath fanning his face, “please, don’t do this again.”
The words made Jisung pause. You knew his intentions. The act of love was on your mind too. Only now, Jisung knew it wasn’t in the way he would have hoped. What was a tarnished memory in your mind was one close to perfection in his. Your mind still betrayed you, telling you that none of this was supposed to happen. Jisung was meant to sit on the sidelines, watching as you stomped all over his heart until his last dying breath because you were unable to see what was there. The comforting and magnetic air that flowed between you and him, uniting you.
Jisung had only done something about it. It was unintentional, truly. Jisung hadn’t meant for any of it to happen but it still had. Everything worked in favor of your unbreakable bond. Your bodies had fit together like puzzle pieces, perfectly made for one another. Jisung would be damned if he let that get away. Especially now when it was inevitable that you would never want to see him again. You already told him so. What you and Jisung had would be thrown away, discarded like none of it ever mattered.
Jisung had to show you how great it would be. No matter what lengths he had to go through to do it.
He had never thought of hurting you before. He never wanted to. But a sick part of his mind knew he had to. His body moved on autopilot like he subconsciously knew what he had to do. He was capable of what he never thought was possible.
Unlike the first time, the kiss Jisung placed on your lips was anything but gentle. His insatiable hunger led his lips as they moved against yours. He pushed himself against you, trailing his fingers down your shoulders. Your teeth clashed with his, desperation consuming him as he grazed your tits. His tongue slithered into your mouth, running across your teeth as his hands cupped your chest. Your mouth fell open as you gasped, giving Jisung access. His pink muscle slid against yours, the sensation making you recoil as you attempted to get away. A small whimper sounded through the room when your head thudded against the wall behind your head. Jisung chased your mouth, a moan muffled by your connected lips.
Jisung sank his teeth into your lower lip as he pulled away, moving his attention to your neck. “Jisung, please. We can talk about it,” your words were shaky and he felt the hitch in your throat under his lips.
“We already did,” he sighed, leaving pecks on your throat. “You won’t listen.”
“I will!” you said. “I promise I will! I’ll hear you out this time just please,” you flinched as Jisung groped your breasts, “don’t touch me again.”
“You won’t understand,” he mumbled, nosing at your shoulder, “but your body knows.”
His touch inched toward your pants, pulling the elastic as he slipped his hands inside. Your cunt was as warm as he remembered, soft and puffy against his palm as the pads of his digits dragged along your slit. Sticky wetness leaked from your hole. Jisung groaned deeply, nibbling at your clothed shoulder, “you’re so wet for me.”
You sniffled, thighs pressing together as he tried to insert a long finger. You shook your head, the action ruffling his hair. Jisung moved his knee, lodging it between yours. Your legs opened, giving him the freedom to move his hands the way he pleased. Your hole fluttered against his knuckle as he shoved it inside you, your gummy walls sucking him in.
“That hurts, Ji, please,” your chest heaved with every word.
“I know,” he whispered, “but I have to stretch you out first. You’ll be okay, my love, I promise.”
Jisung sucked on your neck as he inserted another finger, using light nibbles to distract you from the stretch in your core. He slid them in and out, pulling them apart to stretch you further. Your pussy clenched around his fingers, sucking him deeper. Jisung felt his cock jump against his pants, reminding him of the fire in his stomach and the desperation to feel you squeezing his hard dick.
Your sweatpants fell off easily, hitting the floor with a dull thud. Jisung was quick with his pants, shoving them down his thighs just as he had the first time, only this time, they also fell to the ground, his belt buckle loud against the wooden floor.
He caught your eyes, seeing the way they widened as he pumped his cock, his intention clear in his features as he watched you. Resistance followed, pushes and squirms against him only serving to make him harder. Your chest rubbed against his, fabric still between you but Jisung didn’t care. Your pelvis curved forward in an attempt to push him away but instead, your bare cunt slid along his shaft.
Jisung hissed, gripping your hips with one of his hands, pushing you into the wall behind you. His cock dripped with precum, the substance allowing Jisung’s fist to easily glide up and down his length.
Eager, he guided his cock towards your heat, using his leaking head to circle your swollen clit. A moan wrestled its way out of your throat, your arms stopping their flailing as he pushed his cock between your folds, quickly finding your fluttering hole that called for him.
“Stop it,” you said, attempting to sound firm but your voice still shook.
Jisung simply shook his head, forcing the head of his cock inside you. He moaned loudly, bliss surging through his being with every inch he pushed into you. You cried out, the muscles of your thighs shaking in exertion around his hips. He kissed your neck again, biting harshly as he began to thrust in and out.
Your fighting picked up, punches and scratches landing on his back but they all went ignored as Jisung lost himself in the feeling he had missed and craved so deeply. Your head banged against the wall in frustration, and helplessness as Jisung rutted into you. The sounds that left his mouth were animalistic, his mental clarity making the euphoric squeeze even better.
Jisung couldn’t resist nosing at the sore flesh that you scrubbed raw the second you stepped into your apartment again. Despair and frustration fueled the aggressive drags of a washcloth along your skin. The scent had begun to fade, melting into the aroma of natural musk and slight neglect. Jisung relished in it, unknowingly making his thrusts pick up speed.
Finally, your body seized beneath him, the muscles along your body tightening. Your legs finally stopped kicking, your nails dragging across his back until they fell limp at your sides. Jisung lifted his face, hips stilling as he leaned towards you until his nose touched yours. “Keep cumming sweet girl,” He grinned, eyes fixed on your face. “See?”
#tw noncon#tw marijuana#tw skin picking#screenplay…#starring... jisung !#jisung x reader#jisung smut#nct x reader#nct smut#dark!jisung#dark!nct#dark!kpop#yandere!jisung#yandere!kpop#nct#nct dream#jisung
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╭・Being Miles’ Younger Sibling !! PT.2
Pt 2 cause I still got some more in mind 😜😜 gonna do e-42 miles soon but as usual,
Grammar mistakes are here I apologize !!
︎ㅤ︎ㅤ❥︎ ┈ whenever you guys are calling late at night and he is on patrol, the call will either randomly end because he ran into a building/poll or u hear him run into the poll/building with an “ow”. Best assure he WILL need the best phone case && screen protector.
ㅤ❥︎ ┈ he’s probably those siblings that randomly go to your room and dont say anything. It might be annoying but to him, it just makes him glad you’re okay and no one/nothing is going to hurt you when he’s around.
ㅤ❥︎ ┈ nicknames he call you are probably like bro, a shorten version of your name(example bri for brianna, Nicky for Nicolas or Danny etc etc.) and sometimes just do a “HEY” depending on context like he’s gonna show you something he thinks is cool or interesting.
❥︎ ┈ if you share a talent you and miles are both good at like a subject in school, best believe you guys will share test scores and brag who got the highest. A small competition of whoever gets the highest scores gets to go get their favorite snack,food, or dessert while the other has to pay for it. If you both got the same scores then no one gets a treat! But miles being the big sweet brother he is, buys you something to celebrate!!
ㅤ❥︎ ┈ If miles had to save you when he was fighting, he was panicking. He ran over to you after knocking the villain checking if you are okay or have any injuries. Reassure him you’re okay and he’ll finally calm down that nothing hurts or have any bruises on you. Just know he’ll talk about it a LOT.
❥︎ ┈ alternate version of miles saving you but you got Injured(badly or not really your choice!) miles would be running to the hospital and be the first person to show up next to you, even before your parents. They try to calm miles down while he is scared and anxious waiting for your surgery to be done and well(if you chose very bad injury)
or they still try to calm him down a bit in the room with you even tho it wasn’t too serious serious.(not very bad choice)
Either one, miles would still be terrified and panicky because he was suppose to keep you safe as your older brother and as spiderman to his advantage. His heart can finally rest knowing you can leave, best assure he’ll give you the biggest hug and never want to let go.
Mama Morales: “Miles that’s enough let [name] have some space and air.”
Miles: “noo one more minute :((“
ㅤ❥︎ ┈ He’ll probably use the excuse of saving you that time JUST SO you don’t go out alone. He definitely got a bit more anxiety and paranoid whenever you come just a little late home.
you- “okay ima head out for a bit!”
miles - “Let me go with you [n/n]!”
you- “Miles I’ll be fine-“ Miles- “But remember last time I wasn’t with you :((“ You end up having miles next to the whole time you went out
ㅤ❥︎ ┈ If the spot killing you because of “what he did to him” and spot destroying his life being his canon event, miles would never get over it and never forgive himself. I would rather disturb this canon event thing just to save your life even if it means he’ll lose his dad or his mom. He can’t lose Someone who was there for him day 1 or even later on he didn’t tell you day 1, he barley has anyone to talk to about this and his own sibling having to be that sacrifice?? He would rather let this dimension collapse with him or break every possible canon event that evolves around you dying than actually really happening.
ㅤ❥︎ ┈ He has had nightmares about you or your parents(Mr. & Mrs. Morales) dying from him failing to save any of you by not trying to do both, saving everyone and saving one person close to you. ( see what I did there😜) whenever he has these nightmares he will go check up any of you by opening the door quietly and slowly to not make noise that’ll wake you up. It calms him down seeing you just peacefully sleeping undisturb by the world.
#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse#into the spider verse#into the spiderverse#atsv#itsv#atsv miles morales#itsv miles#miles morales#atsv miles#miles x reader#miles morales x reader#miles morales x you#atsv x reader#atsv x you#miles morales fic
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okay, thoughts on the latest happenings hmm, first off, I love Tony and Pocket's brother-sister dynamic, it's so funny and sweet. If it were me, I would've asked for a house and a retirement fund and a bunch more but then again, she is already working for Stark Industries, so I think she's already set lmao. And obviously, we already knew Tony didn't authorize the shit Joseph just pulled, but I'm still not buying the fact that she did it alone. I mean, she could've since she's well capable, but something is still very fishy about it.
which brings me to Steveioli (I really like the nickname now, it flows off the tongue so well), hmm, okay, I don't think he's that bad now, but still keeping one eye open because I still don't trust him. Which brings me to my first theory, I feel like this short interaction between him and Pocket is going to cause something. And Juniper will be the one pulling the strings because lol the manipulative sack of shit she is. Like, she's probably good with tech too, so what if she managed to get footage of the dance, or just Steve walking Pocket to her room and then show it to Bucky? (or maybe Steve would give it himself but i digress) And I fear that's going to trigger something ESPECIALLY knowing how Jocelyn is going to spin it. And yeah technically Bucky and Pocket aren't together albeit the blurred lines with this friendship, so she doesn't really owe him anything. But, I wished she could've told Bucky about the interaction with Steve first so he knows the truth of what happened before Jennifer manages to twist it. AGAIN THEORY. But I really do have a feeling Something is going to trigger Bucky to do something rash (not cheat, but I can't pinpoint as to what yet. Maybe some harsh words being spoken or him defending Jomar again). Either way, it's going to be related to Steve because he always seems to be a sensitive topic.
Also, to add, why was my danger alert flaring when Steve handed Pocket that lemonade? Is that me being paranoid? lol but then again, we don't really know what's going on with Pocket being sick so maybe I'm just reaching. But since I have an inkling that she was given something, I'd be wary of accepting drinks from anyone. ESPECIALLY the person who's still madly in love and probably has a secret mission to break a relationship for good. But hey, maybe that's just me.
And I'm so anxious as to what's going to happen on the mission. (help as i was typing this a theory came to mind) What if Bucky gets badly hurt because Jakari sabotages it just like she did with Rhodey? But instead of Bucky being mad at her, he's still going to defend her? Say something about it wasn't her fault blah blah blah and it's going to anger Pocket especially if badly is hurt. OR OR ON THE FLIP SIDE, what if Judith intentionally hurts herself and make it look like Bucky didn't defend her or somehow makes a spin that it was his fault? THEN he'd start taking care of her, not because of anything fishy or feeling wise, but because he feels GUILTY and feels like he HAS to which, goes back to what you said about the way he followed through with his actions. Idk idk I'm probably reaching and I could be so so wrong haha sorry i'm just a theory girly
But anyways, CONGRATS ON FINISHING THE FIC. that's a great achievement you should definitely celebrate! Though I do get this would bittersweet though. But hey, don't be sad that it's over, be glad it happened. Keep doing what you're doing! you're amazing, lots of love!
— Jnon 🤍
Jnon!
Hearing from you never fails to make my day! NEVER. I love you and you're perfect.
I love writing Tony and Pocket. They bring me so much joy with their banter. Right now, though, Pocket's got no need for a house. I leaned on it much more in earlier drafts, but Pocket's fucking loaded. Like, she may not be a billionaire, but she aint' hurtin', lol.
Obviously, Tony didn't send Joe Jonas to Russia; he hates her almost as much as Pocket does at this point, but as for whether or not she got in on her own... well, we shall have to wait and see!
As for Steveioli, it does roll off the tongue so smoothly! There are definitely repercussions concerning his encounter with Pocket at the gala, which you'll start hearing about this afternoon! I want to say so much more, but EEP! I cannot not!
I will say, the lemonade, like the Thai food, was safe. No worries there. It was more like Steve trying to make a point to Pocket that he knows her so well. Pathetically.
Your theories as to what could happen on the mission with Bucky and Jabba the Hut are fantastic; I wish I had come up with any one of them, but I did not. :(
And finally, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I had a moment yesterday where I typed the final sentence and was just like "shit; now what do I do with my life?" I'm pleased to say, I'm ten pages in to With Friends Like These already, so I think we'll be good, lol. And while I was so happy to finally be rid of The Famous Jett Jackson (wow-- that's a throwback; I'm old), I'm nowhere near done with Pocket, I think. I love her too much, lol.
As always, I love getting your responses. They make my day!
J'scoons
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Hey there! A bit late but i'm here for the ask game! (*´v｀*)
I'd like to ask 1, 11, 23, 63, 78 and 88 but i know it's a lot so no pressure, please feel free to ignore any of them if you don't feel like answering it! 🫂💖
Hi!!! Not late, never late! I will put this under the cut because ~lenght~. These are all very good questions, thank you Lev 💙🪲
(What’s your biggest insecurity? Do you like who you are around people? Do you believe in an afterlife? Do you ever get paranoid? What’s one thing you don’t feel comfortable doing around your friends? What kinds of things confuse you?)
1 - What’s your biggest insecurity?
My body, which is such a sad answer, but it's true. I'm working on it. My voice - some people do not take me seriously because I have a "girly voice", especially when stressed, even though it's really not that high pitched. I had to force my Big Girl Sexy Deeper Voice out at my previous job just to get my points across. Again, sad.
Also my inability of expressing my feelings out loud. I write it a lot, but I can't genuinely remember the last time I said the words "I love you" with my own voice.
I know why I am the way I am, and I wish it didn't get to me, but this will be my cross to bear until the end of my days. I think I try to be as loudly affectionate as possible here, because I'm hoping it will make it easier for me irl.
11 - Do you like who you are around people?
Depends on the people, really. I like the way I am around my friends, even if there are parts of me I supress. I wish I was better around my sister - she deserves more than I am, and it frustrates me that I sometimes act like our parents towards her. It kills me inside.
I don't know how to answer in relation to my parents. On one hand, it's very relieving to be amongst people who understand certain parts of me without me having to justify or explain (something about being a 1st gen immigrant child lol). On the other, being at home puts me back to my 16yo mindset, when I was really angry and sad and struggling, and I hate it.
With strangers, it really depends. I am too anxious to notice haha. I just really like to be alone, I suppose. It's easier that way, at least.
23 - Do you believe in an afterlife?
Yes! I am very much Christian, so I do believe in heaven/hell, and the concept of an afterlife.
I don't really talk about it much here, because I know there are so many of you who have been failed and mistreated in the name of religion (which was not how any of this was supposed to happen, and it really breaks my heart) and prefer to steer away, which I 100% understand. Also, some people get extremely weird around Christians, and assume a number of things without even talking to them, so I spare myself the unpleasantness. I hope this makes some sense!
63 - Do you ever get paranoid?
Baby, anxiety is my middle name. I get paranoid about things you could never imagine. 😎 But yeah.
Every time I hear my door bell ringing, or knocking, I always think it's the police coming to get me, even thought the most illegal thing I've done is download music?? And my family is... normal. No suspicious activity or anything, so I really don't understand why. Make it make sense.
78 - What’s one thing you don’t feel comfortable doing around your friends?
There isn't much I'm not comfortable with tbh. My friends have seen me at my worse, and we know almost everything about each other. We've been friends for a very long time.
Maybe just being affectionate? I have a really hard time with that, but it gets easier around them. And they know how unhinged I am about my blorbos, so I don't really need to censor myself haha. I do a little code-switching. I speak a bit differently around my family, and with them I tend to use a more generalised/commonly accepted language, rather then my parent's countries expressions.
88 - What kinds of things confuse you?
LIFE IN GENERAL. How do you make decisons? How do you know you're in the right path?
Math. Cars. Sports. It's all Simlish to me lmao.
#very good questions! I had to sit with myself for a while thinking about them#i hope this makes some sense lol#ask game#darya answers
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I have a question, in good faith. I just answered a question about my opinion of Season 4, and a big reason I give it a 7.5 out of 10 is that they broke the main couple up off screening a graphic novel.
Now I didn’t go into detail, but this probably takes off a whole point for me, because I don’t feel like we should have to read extra material to understand what’s happening in the main plot line. Is this the first time we’ve ever had to read extra material not for bonus information but an understanding of the main story?
Hello, yes, I love answering questions in good faith. Can't promise that I'll have a satisfactory answer, but hopefully I can provide a not overly long one, for once!
Through the Moon (the graphic novel of which you speak) is the only supplementary material (thus far) that's been released that isn't a prequel, so in that vein, I'd say yes. The graphic novel does explain that Rayla left (and shows her leaving) before the 'reveal' drop at the end of 4x01. She left approximately a month and a half after S3, so right around / on Callum's birthday (which, we didn't know it was his birthday in the graphic novel itself, so that's almost undoubtedly something that got added to S4 for Callum&Viren foils and general heartbreak reasons).
However, to me, and this also due to having friends who watch the show casually, or have not read the graphic novel Through The Moon (TTM)... I genuinely do not think you need to read it unless you don't want Rayla leaving to have been a 'surprise' (which some people like to know spoilers ahead of time, which is fair). Given that there's a timeskip and an arc wrap up (and that we actually got to see them be a cute couple in S3, not just at the last minute) some sort of shift was probably to be expected. All the plot context TTM is given pretty early on in S4, but there are also fun little connections to make as you go on rewatches, for example:
4x01 reveals that Rayla is not only not at the castle, but MIA, and that the boys don't know if she's alive/okay. The context from TTM is that her risk taking decisions were already a concern for him, which can probably be deduced from the show's canon anyway, given that he jumped off a mountain for her.
4x01 and 4x02 also show that rather than being mostly curious about unknown things like before, they actively make him agitated/anxious (Soren's secret keeping, the blank book, trying to decipher the mirror). TTM adds context to this in that Rayla told him she would let him come with her, and then went back on that promise, but canon already makes this clear in 4x01 with "I don't even know if she's alive"; he has no answers about Rayla. That is also undoubtedly one of the reasons he's agitated. However, while her lie is insult to injury, the show never brings it up as a reason he's mad at her; it was always her extended absence: "So you disappeared for two years for no reason at all?" / "Well, maybe you might know that if you'd been here the last two years." Again: the lie isn't an actual thorn in his side (seemingly) so it's a thing from TTM that is omitted, because it isn't emotionally relevant.
Then she shows up and we learn, specifically, that she went to hunt down Viren. Rayla has always been a paranoid ("Sooner or later, we're going to run into someone from 1x06, "There's danger coming, I know it" from 2x01) person with an independent streak. Rayla leaving to kill Viren because she doubts her own abilities, when she spends most of the first few seasons doubting them (particularly in S1 and S3) and fearing failure ("You let him live but killed us all") is also very in character. One of my favourite little details is that Callum struggles to say Viren's name at all ("It's something Lord -- the previous high mage left behind") until Rayla shows up ("So you must have found Viren, huh? Was he dead after all?") because that trauma - Rayla was so sure that she failed that she couldn't trust they were safe - is so intertwined.
A lot of S2, as well, spent hammering in the fact she didn't want to lose Callum (to Soren and Claudia, to his pursuit of magic, to dark magic, to death). Her leaving him behind to protect him is not something that's a big logic leap to make, I think. After all: "It's okay, Callum. I'm not asking you to come with me. Protecting that dragon doesn't just feel like the right thing to do, it feels like the right thing for me to do" (2x07) and "But... I'm not going with you. You and Ezran should take Zym. But I can't leave" (3x08) and her almost confession last but not least: "Callum please, come back! You've got to stay with me [...] I can't lose you like this, you mean too much to me" (2x09).
TTM adds context - the nightmares about Viren ruining the life she still had, and her and Callum's increasing mutual fear of losing each other. They quite honestly don't even break up. Now, I don't think things would've gone well if Callum had gone with her (relationship wise) given their differing priorities in TTM and also how they show love (for Rayla it's protection, for Callum it's togetherness), but the last conversation they actually have in TTM is
Now, I'm not exactly expecting a casual reviewer to remember and notice all the tiny things, but I am expecting them to remember major plot points, specifically that Rayla really struggles with letting people help her (1x06 and 3x04 both leading to disasters with Zym being in danger because of it) because she doesn't feel like she deserves it, and that she has a tendency to be overly self sacrificial (too many episodes to count).
Her trying to save the dragon in S2 was heroic, yes, but also stood out to me specifically as "This tendency of risking herself is going to be something that she and Callum have to confront and work through, because it is diametrically opposed to them functioning as a long term couple/team". When she wants to stay behind and die for her parents mistakes in S3, the only reason she doesn't stick with that is because she learns that they didn't run, not that she didn't have to die even if they had. So something like this, even if not in so dramatic a way was something that I'd been expecting for a few years now. S4 and Callum's anger at her abandonment is the first time we've seen this tendency be solely in a negative light, in a lot of ways, which is really exciting, and I don't know how much they'll get back together until Rayla has had the epiphanies she needs to.
The biggest thing to me that TTM adds to S4 is that Callum isn't just upset at Rayla for leaving him, but that he's mad at her for leaving without him, specifically. He wanted to go with her, he didn't totally believe in the mission but he wanted to keep her safe, citing "I let you go into the Moon Nexus alone" (earlier in the graphic novel, and not without protest) "and I knew right away I made the biggest mistake of my life. I could have lost you." But again, I expect this sentiment to be something that is far more readily explored in S5, and is also something you can kinda piece together given how often he runs after her in the first three seasons, and him reading what's implied in show and confirmed through TTM to be her goodbye letter because she didn't think she was coming back (4x01 credits):
TDP official also in the lead up to S4 released the goodbye letter, which we'd never read before, and it broke all of our hearts.
TLDR; to me, TTM isn't necessary unless you want a deeper read on the characters. I expect S5 to give them more of a chance to talk and perhaps explain their own actions in S4 more (again, reaffirming that fear of losing each other, which was the root of his anger and of her leaving) but I don't think TTM is necessary unless you want the specifics. All you need to know is that Rayla left to hunt down Viren and Callum has been very sad about it since. You get all of that within the first couple of episodes. The biggest question that TTM raises that S4 doesn't answer is, if she was so dead set on her mission, how and why did she convince herself it was okay to come back at all, but again: I think S5/S6 will have the answers on that.
#baatarthefirst#i wanted this to be three paragraphs. why do i ever think it'll just be three paragraphs#through the moon#thanks for asking#requests#arc 2
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Starting Now I'm Starting Over || Cal & Hera
Starter for @rebelresolve
Somehow, Cal had never ended up in Lothal. Not before nor after the fall of the Galactic Republic. In all his travels, and despite all his fights against the Empire across the outer rim, he's managed to completely miss the planet. He was aware of its existence, of course, the same way he was aware of every other planet that struggled with the Empire. But neither fate nor the force had ever led him here, until now.
After so many years, and with Merrin and Greez's encouragement playing a huge part in the making of his final decision, Cal had finally opened himself to reaching into the force in search of others like him. It had been years since the vision that showed him failing to protect those that would have been his apprentices, had he not destroyed the Holocron, and he was ready to start over, to give himself a chance at being of use to someone else out there. After all, force users had to support each other in these hard times. Survivors had to adapt.
Turbulence shook the Stringer Mantis as they entered the planet's atmosphere, but it was a relatively easy landing. A child's play compared to the times he'd had to land a very damaged Mantis in uncharted territory after almost being blown off the sky.
BD-1 was excited and exited the ship as soon as Cal opened the hatch. He didn't go far, just far enough to scan the grass and some bushes they'd landed close to. Cal had gotten him excited by mentioning the rich fauna and flora that inhabited the planet, and BD-1 had every intention of scanning every plant and every animal, no matter how big or how small, that they came across.
But exploring would have to wait. Cal was here to find another force sensitive whose signature he'd picked up over a week ago now while in deep meditation. It'd taken him some time to locate exactly what system and, more specifically, what planet the signature came from– which he blamed on the fact that he was rusty when it came to sensing others through such large distances. But now, there was no doubt in his mind that the force user was in Lothal.
The way the feeling intensified as soon as his boots touched the ground only confirmed this.
From what he gathered from asking around, there had been force users actively defending Lothal. He'd also been given a description of someone who could help him find who he was looking for, and a name: General Hera Syndulla.
People were easier to find nowadays than they were when the Inquisitors were at their peak. Not having to struggle as much made Cal anxious, even a little paranoid. It made him feel as if something bad had to happen for him to 'earn' his success, something that would catch him off guard if he didn't stay alert. But he also kept reminding himself that that wasn't the case. Sometimes, he could just get directions and find people without having to jump through hoops or fight a monster for it.
There was no missing a green Twi'lek on a planet mostly inhabited by humans.
"Hera Syndulla?" he asked anyway, not wanting to assume this was The Twi'lek when she might as well be Some Twi'lek, even if she matched the description he'd been given perfectly. "I was told you could help me."
#may the queue be with you#||in character: cal kestis||#& hera syndulla#||verse: forever changed; cal kestis||#rebelresolve#||rp: starting now i'm starting over||
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All in all, it got me thinking so much, did F!Leo never think that without him the brothers might have become completely different people?
Maybe they would have felt all their lives that they were missing Junior? They felt a great longing for someone they didn't even know. Maybe it would have changed them. Would they ever be able to forgive F!Leo for taking their brother away from them?
Yes I’m so glad you brought it up because you see I have been doing some thinking on how this would actually affect the family. I did mention something about an its a wonderful life scenario. So prepare for my ramblings good citizens!
To talk about how the boys were affected you first have to talk about Splinter... Yeah he did not handle the loss of his son well at all. He spent a lot of their early years out looking for Leo jr. Who he could never find and eventually gave up, believing he was dead. This made him super paranoid and he will pack everyone up and force them to move every few months at random with no warning. Admittedly I haven't thought much about his personal arc that will come with time suffice to say he is even more neglectful than in canon.
Raph has DID in this au because I made an entire comic about it so clearly I’m obsessed with the idea. Raph as 3 alters Red(inspired by Red.Angel.Of.Preventing.Harm), Savage and Raph himself, Mind Raph’s role has sort of been replaced(we’ll get to that). Savage is obsessed with finding ‘blue’ he will front and go out scouring the sewers for him, during that time it’s not safe for anyone to leave the lair. Raph is very much like what he is in canon except he fronts less sharing the body between Red and Savage more often and is somehow more anxious and pressured to protect his brothers. In place of Mind Raph he has a vision? Hallucination? Straight up Introject Alter? of Leo jr as a child who acts very bright and bubbly, a representation of the little brother he couldn't protect. Red has the same except his version of Leo is as an older teen who mocks him for his failings as a brother. His Leo represents the brother they all need, someone who could do a better job than him who could actually keep the family together. Red resents Leo jr for the hole he left behind in the family and his own projected issues. Feeling incredibly guilty for blaming a most likely dead kid for his own short comings. Red is the only one that ventures beyond the sewers after Splinter stopped, doing supply runs and the like.
Mikey in this is still trying to play the role of family therapist but is getting tired/burnt out from it. All his attempts, strategies and plans always fail or get shot down so he is halfway to giving up. His attitude is less upbeat because of this leaning more towards Dr Delicate touch. The only one really willing to spare him time is Raph who smothers him so Mikey keeps trying to distance himself. He yearns for independence(or to just get out of the lair away from the stifling negativity there) but he’s not allowed to go to the surface. So usually when Savage isn’t out and about he is going around painting the sewers. Mikey’s only confidant and support by their teen years is Leo jr. When every things too much and he’s alone Mikey will just go lie down in the room that they have always had set aside for leo and talk to their air. He likes to pretend Leo jr is the brother he needs that he never had, that believes in him that would help bring the family together for movie nights and to have fun.
Donnie is practically a stranger to the family. He never leaves the lair and rarely leaves his lab, too paranoid that someone is going to come back and take him or the others next. He spends his time making weapons and fortifying whatever lair they have set up in. No one in the family really understands him the way his twin would have and with barely getting to spend any time with him they don’t know how to accommodate him. Splinter picking them up and moving them every few months sets him off like nothing else not only is he out of the safety of the lairs he had fortified but he has to get used to a whole new environment, readjust with little to no warning. Which(speaking from experience cough cough) can be really hard, especially when you’re Autistic. He will often have mental shutdowns or meltdowns just needing to hide himself away under a desk or in a closet for hours to calm down, this is a bi weekly event. He doesn't morn Leo junior the way the rest of them do, more so fears the unknown of what happened to him. That mourning period comes after they meet(because come on I’m going to make them meet at some point the fluff and the angst potential is too much) where he can grieve what could have been.
So all in all it’s going to be very hard to forgive the man that took their brother away.
#rise of the tmnt#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise#rottmnt#f!leo#future leo#future leo au#leo junior au
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oh boy this got realllll rambly but basically i got to thinking about some shitty stuff i went through when i was younger and how it kind of plays into me and copia's first big fight.
so maybe this is traumadumping or whatever but um when i was younger i had a friend group that was terribly emotionally manipulative and abusive to me, like a lot of stuff that i don't even want to talk about in detail because it still just shakes me up and mostly just makes me mad because they never faced any kind of consequence or had any remorse for what they did and instead blamed me (and also if i outlined all of their shitty behavior we would be here all day to be honest), but a big part of what they did was a lot of talking behind my back, as in they had a separate group chat from ours that was just the three of them and they would stay up later during sleepovers just to talk shit about me (i know because one time i just pretended to fall asleep and then when i revealed myself and called them out on it, and they basically tried to gaslight me and said i was paranoid and making up shit just to cause drama)
AND on top of that i come from a family of people who do that a LOT, like my mom in particular will be polite to someone face-to-face and then as soon as they leave talk about how much she hates them and how they do this thing or that that really gets on her nerves.
anyway all this to say that i have a really bad reaction to like, surprises, or people sneaking around around me. it just makes me really paranoid and anxious, especially if it's someone that i care about.
so around the time of copia's ascension he is acting secretive. this is necessary, he has a plan in place, and since failing could mean him getting killed, and very well me getting killed just by association. not to say too much but i think that whether or not nihil passed away naturally that night, nihil was going to die, if you know what i mean (copia was plotting to kill him, or have him assassinated). obviously i know the precedent at this point for What Happens At The Last Date Of The Tour, and also i'm well aware of the fates of the previous papas, and so as this date draws nearer and nearer i'm scared out of my fucking mind. and copia is giving me radio silence, he's barely talking with me, and i start to get seriously paranoid. and especially without him there to anchor me, my anxiety is spiralling hard and i spend most of my time just sleeping or crying, mostly sleeping so i don't have to think about it. i get this fear that i've made this huge mistake, that everything bad my family said about him and our relationship was right.
after his ascension (which the night of that is just a lot of mixed emotions, i have a fic in progress about it actually), things start to calm down a little obviously, i'm obviously super happy that he's not dead and that in fact he's doing better than ever, and for the first couple months things are kind of back to normal. eventually though, i just kind of feel like i never got any meaningful resolution, and it eats away at me. like he apologizes, obviously, but it's in a kind of "well yeah i'm sorry, but you can see why i did that right?" kind of way and not really addressing how it made me feel. and part of me is mad that he even felt like he needed to keep that secret from me in the first place, and especially given that i tend to be especially emotional about that kind of behavior. and a few months after his ascension it reaches a bit of a boiling point and that's our first all-out fight. like obviously we had argued about shit before, but this was like an i need to stay in a hotel for a few days we might break up kind of a fight.
but then, a few days later (days spent crying and going back and forth on calling my family, whom i ran away from to be with copia)i spend more time looking back on it, and especially when i try to think of it from his perspective i get it, but then of course i get too paralyzed with anxiety to actually fucking call him up to talk about it. especially given that this is my first relationship and this is our first fight like this, and that he's probably busy with all the new duties that come with being papa, my tendency to catastrophize leads me to think that the ship has sailed, that our relationship is over and it's all my fault, etc etc.
until he shows up at my door, and we have a very long emotional conversation about trust and really just trying to explain how to situation felt from both our perspectives and he acknowledges that his first apology was kind of shitty and i say it's fine, he was obviously really caught up in everything else going on, and especially once he talks about why he couldn't feel he could tell me what he was planning. i didn't even know about the whole murder plot thing until this point, and he explains that, and also that his not telling me wasn't because he didn't trust me, but because he wanted to protect me. if something went wrong, if things didn't go to plan, imperator (and nihil if he was still alive) would be on the warpath and in that situation it would probably be better that i genuinely Did Not Know what was going to happen. i talk a little about my childhood trauma and how that kind of behavior makes me just feel angry and powerless, and that in the future, if he has to keep secrets from me like that, i would hope that he could at least tell me that it's not something i did, or something about me.
and we make up make out etc etc, and go on with more clearly defined boundaries and maybe a better grip on each other's perspectives :))
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The Hermit, The Hanged Man, The Moon, The World for Florah
[THE HERMIT] - Is solitude a good or bad thing for them? Do they like being alone, or do they have no choice?
Solitude is very bad for her. A Florah in solitude (which happens often bc she isolates when upset) is a Florah who will soon be consumed with her own negativity: Anxiety, depressive thoughts, loneliness, dissociation. Despite separating herself from people being her go-to coping mechanism when faced with stress, that shit is terrible for her mental health.
She likes being alone in the sense that "If I'm alone then I'm not bothering or annoying people or making myself look stupid in front of anyone," but also doesn't like being alone bc she gets lonely really easily.
[THE HANGED MAN] - Do they feel "stuck" in any aspects, or as if they're falling behind their goals?
Ohh yeah. Despite making loads of progress compared to where she was even a year ago, she feels like she's not going anywhere in life and is just wasting her time as well as the time of everyone who's invested in her. She still has a lot of issues emotionally and mentally that she's yet to face, and she knows she's her own worst enemy and holding herself back. However, she's so afraid of fucking up and somehow making herself worse that she won't try to move forward.
She's in a cycle of self-sabotage that she's afraid to break.
[THE MOON] - What is one question they would do anything to get an answer to, no matter the cost?
"Who would I be and what would my life have looked like if I never met Allmah"?
[THE WORLD] - What are they missing in life? What one thing, if anything, is the "key" to their success?
Confidence. So, so many of her problems could be resolved (or at least the get ball rolling on resolving them) if she had more confidence. She's such an anxious, paranoid nervous nelly that she doesn't try anything new because she's afraid of failing. If she was more confident in herself, she would be willing to actually pursue solutions to her issues.
Thankfully, she's slowly building herself up through improving her relationship with the wamily, specifically Uunive (Which surprised me but hey, whatever works).
THE MAJOR ARCANA, REVERSED
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/vent
Hate how you can absolutely realise how person is harmful for you, how they’re obliterating your self-esteem at any given chance, how they constantly make you cry and hurt and want to d*e, how they make you hate yourself and think you are the most dumb, the most useless person; yet when they are gone, you miss them to the point of wanting to beat against the wall. You’d expect to be happy and recover, but you just can’t because you are sad and anxious that you can never see them again all the time.
Hate how you can absolutely realise how much this person hates you and resents you, how they obviously constantly insult you and put you down and blame you for all their failures and pain because they just dislike you as a person, how they clearly feel trapped with someone stupid, annoying, pathetic, useless and weak and simply need to seek a friend they would LOVE. So, leaving them is the best thing you can do for them. But when you are apart, you get anxious and are willing to do anything just to keep them in your life, although you KNOW they’d be happier without you.
Maybe people can, in fact, cause the same addiction effects as drugs do. You know they’re ruining your body and mind and life, but once you remove them, life just feels wrong. But sure there is something else.
It is as if whereas my body and mind were getting destroyed over constant crying, self-hatred, stress and misery, my soul on the other hand was nourished and flourishing. With most people it is in reverse - I constantly have to try to fit in the box (and fail), I feel my energy sipped away, I am very paranoid of how much influence other people cause on me. Like if my soul keeps getting watered and washed out of color, and the only way is to never become close with anyone...
I am already feeling that exact fear.
I already start to get intrusive thoughts to push everyone away, in fear that their proximity will ‘wash away’ effects that previous person left on me. That the only way to keep them in my life is to preserve the effects they’ve caused on me - good or bad - and to preserve them, I should avoid influence of anyone else. Just keep my soul hidden from everyone, and never be honest again - just so they could not effect who I really am. In a way, it is an overwhelming fear that the scars I’ve received will someday heal, so I must reopen them over and over, at all cost. But it is also fear that the flowers will wilt, when that person was the only one who MADE flowers grow in me.
It is just a part of my being now; removing the effects won’t magically make me go back to happy, silly Katy I used to be - instead, it will just make me empty and washed-away. It is not some alien parasite, but instead, mutation of my own being that just should not be reversed - yet there is no way to develop in a positive way. Only preserve it.
Maybe my EX was right and only someone desperate and abusive would ever allow me to ‘be myself’. Because anyone who respects other people would ALSO respect themselves... and that means not wasting time and energy on someone as awful as me.
Just... guys, a warning. If I start to slip down and push everyone away and get worse mentally and become weird - don’t try to pull me back and don’t try to save me, and don’t even worry about me. I do not even want to be helped. Not with something like this.
#/vent#/negative#mental health#abuse#bpd#i have not been able to cry for a week too and it starts to concern me#when i cannot cry despite hurting and all too easily distracted by positive things#it always has reverse side of heavily repressing pain and escaping it#and that usually leads to very intense eruption later#that i don't want#i am just nervous#there are things you cannot 'heal' because how do you 'heal' what is now JUST you?.#it is not illness or trauma. it is just you now.#'healing' it would just make you empty.. or kill you#like how the only cure from beasthood is bullet in the head
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(this isn’t on main bc i don’t have readmores on this mobile version of tumblr. if i can edit one in i will.) cw mental health talk & some negative self talk. and religion woes. and pandemic mention. and cancer mention. wow we are filling up the cw bingo card.
not to blog on a blogging site but the jumble of emotions rn is making me go berserk. i hate being trapped here. the natural environment where i’m at is so beautiful and calming and healing but it gets usurped by the Im gonna Die In Here vibes emanating from my parents (read: mom).
she yelled at me today because my cat was having zoomies and burst open a door upstairs that caused a loud bang and woke her up. i was on a call so i didn’t see her angry texts and apparently that set her off and she stormed upstairs to blame me for the noise. when i said it was Jasper she just got frustrated and said the meanest thing she could think of, which was ofc that I need to get a real job.
i’m sorry im not fucking hireable and still under your roof like i don’t know what to do :( i keep applying for jobs and getting denied or passed over and it’s like. you don’t think that’s frustrating for me?? is it because i don’t show it (bc you taught me how to suppress emotions to keep them safe from you?!!!) like i’m. aough.
sincerely last month i could feel the kms ache creeping back (i have normal depression but in extreme duress the pre-ideation sneaks in again) due to being stressed and the insurmountable hopelessness of it all. i’ve been equal parts guilty and frustrated with myself as well as with the state of things. had a breakdown bc it’s my birthday in a few days and for the first time ever i’ve felt this Dread with it coming. it was like at this year milestone i was supposed to have been out, on my own, doing well and thriving, but like i’m just. here. i don’t want to spend it with my family i just want to curl up alone or drown you know cixhxbdkdks ugh.
those are side tangents. the interaction was so laughably funny like bc i Happened to be awake when the crash happened means I’m failing at getting a real job? like at its core I cant help but laugh bc wtf. but you know in the aftermath i’m just shaking bc it’s so evil and gets exactly at my insecurities and guilt and inherent worthlessness and then it makes me Angry for myself that someone would dare use those to hurt me like that.
it’s such a tangled mess of things. i’ve been scared of being kicked out since i was a kid and realizing i wasn’t religious, i was gay, and that i wouldn’t have any financial support necessary to live if they got tired of me (in that order). they get pissed at me for not spending time with them, but don’t want to see or hear me or think about me unless it’s on their terms. like i’m a doll. or a hermit crab. or yup a houseplant. they don’t support my art and never have (unless it’s making what they deem to be acceptable amounts of money). they don’t think any of my interests are cool or fulfilling even if they are for me. the only thing i do for them is the bare minimum of chores and mail their letters. i’m a blight to their perfect successful family and an embarrassment when people ask about me. But Also I can’t go get a normal retail job or like leave the house to do Anything (unless it’s an errand for them) because what if I get exposed while i need to take care of my Very Paranoid and undergoing cancer treatment & surgery Grandma. that would be so unfair to her :((((( So like which is it.
i just hate living in this toxic environment and want out so badly but have been failing and keep failing at getting a job since i graduated. it translates to all this self hate and frustration because i like, should have Just Done Better or majored in something useful or i dont know not been such a depressed and anxious fuck up.
I know that isn’t being fair to myself or my mental illnesses or the State Of Things and The State of Things 2: Global Pandemic. But maybe if i had less morals in their eyes I could have been rich off of bitcoin making my own tech start up and restructuring the UN from the inside-out…and not a pest animal living in their attic who creeps downstairs to get food and disappears.
I know it’s going to Suck tomorrow and I don’t want to go to sleep and/or wake up and deal with it. I have half a mind to think I’m gonna be woken up at 7 with ice water to the face like I’m a kid again and it’s Time For Church.
Closing thought thesis i guess is that i’m just frustrated and angry and scared.
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When MC Won’t Pick Up the Phone
Lucifer
Usually not one to jump to any conclusions. He’ll send a text and wait an hour or two… then send another one.
If the second text goes unread then he’s calling, though.
If the call goes unanswered THEN he’s starting to worry and getting his brothers on the case.
Lucifer: Have any of you seen MC? They aren't responding to my texts…
Mammon: Did you piss them off?
Satan: I bet he pissed them off.
Levi: He's acting like a needy girlfriend, lol!
Lucifer: Care to repeat that, Levi?
Levi: Nevermind
Beel: I saw the MC in the library before I left RAD.
Lucifer: Good, bring them here and I'll take you to Madame Scream's.
Beel: On it!
Belphie: Wow, he IS needy…
Lucifer: 😡😡😡
Mammon
Mammon is a text spammer, we all know this.
Any time he sends a message, the MC has a BARE MINIMUM of five minutes to respond, if he’s lonely not even that.
If the MC misses the deadline, then they get what’s coming to them.
Mammon: Oi, MC!
Mammon: MC?
Mammon: Hey pick up!
Mammon: Are ya busy?
Mammon: I want to go shoppin!
Mammon: MC??
Mammon: Ya worryin me!!
MC: Mammon, I was taking a shower for fuck’s sake!
Mammon: Oh.
Mammon: … Need any help getting dressed?
Levi
Lowkey cyberstalker?
It’s the jealousy mostly, poor boy gets so paranoid sometimes…
If the MC isn’t responding to his messages then he’ll start checking all of their most used social accounts to try and see if they’re online or at least were active anywhere else.
If he finds them on somewhere else, he’ll send a message there but they’ll have a bit of explaining to do for not responding to his text (Thankfully he has a hard time staying mad at them so they can get let off pretty easy with just a few “I love you”s)
If he can’t find them active anywhere then he might just… call… them… But that’s a socially anxious person’s worst nightmare so that’s his last resort!
They better pick up or he’s mobilizing the navy to go find them... Abuse of power? What does that even mean?
Satan
Satan can be kind of hard to keep track of himself so he's more forgiving.
If he can’t get ahold of MC, then he's more likely to assume that they’re just busy and give them a few hours to respond.
If they're actually busy, then he's very lax and doesn't mind if they're a little late.
If he gets worried, he'll ask around, but he tends to air on the side of more rational explanations for their silence than jumping to conclusions.
But if they're giving him some kind of silent treatment or just didn't feel like responding… then oh boy…
A word to the wise, don't ignore Satan. He can skip their mind, but DON'T ignore him. He doesn't react to pettiness well…
Punishment will be in order. Take your warning now.
Asmo
Honestly, even worse than Mammon.
He'll tell you that text spam is tacky, but what Asmo does isn't much better.
If the MC doesn't respond to him in the time he likes, then he'll just start texting them things. Random things.
Asmo: MC~!
Asmo: I absolutely MUST tell you about this jacket I just saw in Magolish today!!
Asmo: It's just perfect for yours truly, you HAVE to see it!
Asmo: MC?
Asmo: Hello?
Asmo: MC, you're going to miss seeing me in my jacket!!
Asmo: I also have to tell you about what Simeon did today in class when Mammon tried to pick his pocket!
Asmo: He had that idiot in an arm lock so fast Baal hadn't finished his sentence!
Asmo: MC?
If it gets too bad, they'll start getting sent selfies of a sad Asmo looking like a lost puppy without their attention…
Asmo: I'm still waiting for you to see my jacket! 😠
He rarely holds their lapses in attention against them, but he starts getting actually worried then they have better have a good reason. 😤
Beel
Honestly, he's kind of the one who's hard to get ahold of. Between practices, workouts, and the fact that he HAS accidentally eaten his phone a couple times, Beel can take a bit to get back to someone...
He's extra understanding if the MC doesn't get his messages. Never mad at all. He honestly prefers to tell them things in person anyway so it works out.
… If he can find them that is. If he hasn't seen them all day and they aren't responding then you're going to get a worried Beel.
He'll send a few more messages, make a few calls, ask his brothers what's up, that sort of thing. If all else fails, he'll go through their laundry then use his nose to sniff them out like a bloodhound.
At that point, they better be locked in a tower or something or you'll have a very upset Beel. Not mad, just upset (which could honestly be worse... Don't worry him like that! 😣)
Belphie
Think that because he's dead to the world half the day, they get to be lazy with his texts? Wrong.
Brat of the highest caliber, if he wants to hear from them then he wants to hear from them NOW. Unfortunately, he's mostly awake during the weirdest times so good luck...
Belphie: MC?
Belphie: MC? Are you awake?
Belphie: I can’t sleep.
Belphie: MC?
Belphie: MC, I'm bored…
MC: Belphie, do you know what time it is…?
Belphie: Oh good, you're awake.
MC: No thanks to you…
Belphie: Would you like to go back to sleep? Me too.
Belphie: Come up to the attic, we can sleep there together.
MC: Goodnight Belphie.
Belphie: Wait MC
Belphie: … did you just turn your phone off again?
Belphie: No fair…
#obey me#obey me shall we date#shall-we-date-obey-me#obey me leviathan#obey me mammon#obey me satan#obey me belphegor#obey me beelzebub#obey me lucifer#obey me asmodeus#obey me headcanons
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When Mc gets sick
Lucifer:
will scold the hell out of you
"didn't I tell you to take care of yourself?"
you can have only a slight cold and he will insist on you staying in bed for the rest of the week
humans are weak and die easily, and you're apparently stupid on top of that for getting sick even after his warning
will constantly sigh, scold and act like it's a huge nuisance taking care of you
says he doesn't care
actually cares a lot
keeps his brothers away from you, so you have peace and silence to recover
if your condition worsens he will grow panicked, he doesn't want to lose you!
will take you to a human world doctor so you can get the right treatment
after your recovery, he will be so paranoid and overprotective for the first few weeks, will wrap you up in blankets, constantly makes sure you drink and eat enough, will put his coat over your shoulders if he even just gets the idea you might find it cold
Mammon:
"that's your own fault!"
someone like the great Mammon would never get sick
leaves the room only to come back half an hour later panting and packed with bags full of medicine and other stuff you might need
he didn't know what you need so he got one of all
there isn't the right thing among it? oh well no worries he'll get you whatever you say
after all he cares a lot for his human, even though he denies it
he will keep you company and try to distract you from your pain through telling you about his new money making schemes, or try to get you to laugh through telling you about stories where he failed and received Lucifers punishment
he doesn't like that you have to go through this so he tries to help you however he can
if you'll ask for some quiet time, he will struggle, it's not like he doesn't want you to have some rest to recover, it's just he is so worried and confused, he feels more at ease when you talk to him or laugh about his stories, if you answer that is prove you're still alive and breathing
once you've recovered everything goes back to normal, Mammon will be confident in his ability to take care of you...for now that is, it's probably diffrent once you're actually sick again
Leviathan:
stupid normie! An otaku like him doesn't get sick, because he never leaves his room and avoids interactions with others
he, of course, secretly cares though
"Mc? I brought you these anime that we can watch together to pass the time"
"oh and in case you want to rather read something in silence, I brought you some manga recommendations, but please don't sneeze all over them..."
does the online RAD lessons with you as he stays at home almost everyday anyway, so he can show you how they work and help you
he will awkwardly sit next to you on the bed, trying to keep a small distance between the two of you A) because he is shy and nervous and B) because he can't get sick, he would miss all his in-game raids
will ask if you want to play games as well, but soon realizes that you two won't be making much progress with your current reaction time, so he chooses an easy and fun game for you
he wouldn't admit it but he might have set the game to the easiest settings and he himself plays slower for you
he is actually kind of disappointed when you recover so quick, he will miss you now that you visit RAD again instead of doing the online lessons with him, but he is glad you're feeling better again...maybe you could stay home more often with him though?
Satan:
he will buy and read every single human medicine book so he can find the best solution to your illness
will obviously read them in your room, because he can't leave you alone in this state
makes sure to keep you warm and makes you herbal tea depending on your symptoms
will skip school in favour for your well-being, especially keeps this behaviour up when Lucifer gets mad about it
will yell at everyone who dares to try and enter your room while your still sick, how dare they disturb your rest
will get embarassed about yelling and actually being the disturbance to you himself, will apologize and leave your room to keep reading somewhere else, still checks up on you occasionally and brings you light novels to read so you don't get bored
will come in stumbling into your room with the perfect medicine to cure you, only to find that you're already feeling better
gets embarassed yet again, but says it was worth reading all these books as he can now react faster the next time you get sick
will keep a check on your health and make sure you're always taking care of yourself
Asmodeus:
keep your snotty face away from him, but also come cuddle
he is very conflicted, because getting sick is not good for his skin, but he also wants to make you feel better with his hugs
will wear a mask so he doesn't get infected that easily
Asmo doesn't know much about medicine but he knows that certain herbs are good for your health, so he'll make you a nice herbal bath to boost your healing
also will take over your skin care routine and adjust it while your sick so your skin doesn't get worse, says he will only buy a refreshing face mask, comes back with more stuff though... I mean what did you expect from him?
will stay in bed with you and constantly cuddle so you don't feel lonely
he will most definetly whine if you ask him for some space or alone time, but does comply...fo at most half an hour, look this is hard on him too! His darling is sick and he can't do anything but be a moral support for you
if you thought he stops to cling to you once you've recovered, then you're mistaken, he will give you so many kisses and hugs having missed being able to do that
Beelzebub:
"Will food make you feel better?"
"You don't feel like eating?"
the poor boy is so confused, you're going to die if you don't eat! He will ask Satan what humans need when they're sick
will make yoou the perfect meal based on your symptoms, he'll even hold back on eating from it
he has a huge smile on his face while he watches you eat what he prepared, he is so proud that you like what he made you
eat as much as you can, Beel will eat everything you can't, all this boy wants for you to eat at least a bit so you have enough strength to recover
you get cold? cuddle time!
there is no way Beel will leave your side for as long as you're sick, he'll hold you close and share all his warmth and food with you
is so happy when you're better again. Will celebrate it with inviting you to a restaurant
Belphegor:
being sick is like being sleepy right?
he will just go back to sleep next to you as if nothing happend
wakes up because of your coughs and pretends to be annoyed, but is actually worried
will leave the comfort of the bed to get you some medicine, before wrapping you up into a blanket burrito and cuddling into you
don't expect to be getting up any time soon, he wants to sleep...you better not have to go to the bathroom
sleeping is best medicine but Belphie takes this a bit to literally, you two will almost only sleep
once you're better he will still want to sleep using you as a pillow, good luck getting out of that situation
Diavolo:
"Are you dying Mc?"
"Barbatos turn back the time before Mc got sick! -Wait you're going to be okay?"
Don't scare him like that! He is always ready to save you from death!
He will let you live at the castle for the time being and appoints the best doctor to take care of you, because he still isn't completly convinced you're going to make it
Does his work in your room, so he can keep a check on you
will not do much work much to Barbatos dismay, Dia is just so worried about you and will constantly ask if you need anything
his breaks consist of hugging you gently and drinking some tea with you
he will literally cry and almost crush you in his hug, when you're finally healthy again. This man was so anxious about losing you, even thugh he could've commanded Barb to just turn back time
Barbatos:
*smiles*
he knew you were going to get sick, so he's prepared
knocks on your door in the house of lamentation, before you're even able to tell anyone that you're sick
made himself a very strict schedule for everything so he can help you and still attend to his duties as a butler
gives the brothers various tasks so they can indivdually take care of you in the time he isn't able to be there for you
he will get back to you in the evening after having finished all his work for the day
will make you a light dinner and sit next to your bed
stays with you until you fall asleep stroking you hair and holding one of your hands, when you wake up the next morning Barb await you with a small breakfast, if he stayed over night or left and came back in the morning will stay a secret of his
is relieved and at the same time sad when you've recovered, will miss coming over and seeing you, maybe you can return the favor and visit him at the castle sometimes...
Solomon:
is a human so he knows what to do...
but magic is quicker!
he tries to heal you with a spell, but he just end up making it worse
"Oh no Mc I'm so sorry! Let me make it up by taking care of you!"
undefined matter soup a la Solomon, "eat this", he said, "You'll feel better", he said ...you don't feel better...
the brothers will get so angry and throw him out of the house, he is only allowed to come back once you've recovered, actually scratch that he's not setting foot anywhere near you again if it were for the demons
but Solomon finds his way into your room through your window...will stay over the night, cuddling you and constantly apologizing
will laugh about the whole ordeal once you've recovered
Simeon:
he is so calm, like yeah? Humans get sick, but they recover soon if taking care of correctly
Simeon is just the best!
he knows the right food to make for you, will give you the best medicine and make sure you're taking it at the right time
will make sure you're always comfortable
bored? "let me get you a book!"
tired? "let me fluff your pillow so you can sleep better!"
he will sit next to you the whole time looking so calm and confident
he will pray for you to get better quick so you don't have to suffer too long
promises you to take care of you again if you get sick in the future, this man just wants to be there for you
Luke:
"Are you dying Mc?" Version 2.0
no seriously are you? Will you become an angel? We can live together in the celestial realm and bake desserts for Micheal!
Mc why are you so angry? No you misunderstood I don't actually want you to die!
Is so sorry he couldn't protect you from getting sick, he will feel so helpless
Simeon and you will cheer him up and tell him there wasn't anything he could have done to prevent it
Luke will bake you light desserts so you can eat some sweets while recovering
will visit you daily with Simeon after school and tell you about the day
crushes you in a big hug once you're healthy again
#obey me swd#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#Obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me luke#obey me solomon#headcanon
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Sweet and Sour (Adrenaline Junkie Part 14)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17
Spotify Playlist (collaborative)
Warnings: swearing, descriptions of blood, talks of hypothetically dying, bones/teeth
Word Count: 2,392
(A/N): the next part is currently in the works and probably will be out by tomorrow/late at night tonight
The days ticked closer and closer until you had only mere hours left until your scheduled departure for the cave. With each passing day, you became more anxious and paranoid, your prosthetic wing constantly malfunctioning until you programmed it to respond solely to your conscious movement and not the random twitching of your muscles. It took you a bit to get used to, but you quickly got the hang of it. It felt closer to having an actual wing on your back again, but not exactly. Nothing beat the feeling of the wind resisting against both wings at the same time.
You doubted if Philza knew anything, but you did know that he suspected something. He knew you like the back of his hand and vice versa. You both knew each other all too well, he raised you and you spent most of your time with him growing up after all.
Currently, you are obsessively reading over your will and the book you wrote for Arthur full of redstoning advice and what you’ve learned over the years. After rereading your letters to your family and your will, you decided that this is exactly how you wanted everything to turn out if you ended up not surviving this. Which, the chances of you actually surviving this was slim to none.
However, you remained hopeful as there were several unknown variables in the equation. How big this thing was, its age, and most importantly what the cave currently looked like. It’s been multiple years and there might’ve been more erosion over the years altering the surface of the stone. From what you remembered, the ceilings were at least a hundred feet tall, so you had plenty of room to hover above it when needed. You had no clue if the ledge was still there, but if it was the being most definitely could snatch you up. You were going to have to be careful. Besides, you had a son you had to live for. You were going to get out of there alive. For Arthur. For Philza. For Wilbur. For Tommy. For Technoblade.
You reread your plans. Plan A consisted of you sneaking in (making sure this time to keep your wings close to your body), planting TNT, and setting it off with a lever as far away from the deepest part of the cave as you could. Plan B, if Plan A failed and the Warden noticed your presence, was to use the portable TNT launcher while flying as high as you could. If that failed, then you were kind of screwed. Plan C consisted of dropping everything and running for your life. You’d admit, they weren’t the most well thought out plans, but it was all you could think of.
You made sure your wing was secured on your back correctly with a full movement test before you slung your bag onto your back stocked full of redstone and TNT and put your portable TNT launcher into the holster on your hip.
You took a deep breath and gathered your papers before you took one last look at your old workshop. You made sure to scrub it clean of redstone residue and re-sorted the blueprints so that everything was easier to find in the filing cabinets. You were sure that your… unique method of not sorting anything and just knowing where everything was would be very annoying to attempt to sort through. Even Arthur couldn’t figure out your sorting system and he was the smartest kid you knew.
Oh Arthur… He was probably sleeping right now. Or at least you hoped he would be; it was midnight. With light footing, you walked up the stairs to the second floor and straight to Wilbur’s old room. Your little boy was sleeping peacefully burrowed underneath the covers. You could hear his soft snores exiting his mouth.
You smiled lightly and walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling back the covers to see his face. His mouth was parted slightly with a small amount of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. You reached out to stroke his curly copper hair and smiled wider at the sight of his nose scrunching slightly before he relaxed with a small smile on his face. You leaned down to place a lingering kiss on his forehead before you covered him back up again and started to quietly walk out of the room.
“Ren?” That was what he started calling you after he gave you the magnets. It was short for ‘parent’. You froze and felt your body warm up at his sleepy tone. You turned around and watched as he rubbed at his eye with the back of his hand and yawned. “Hey Artie, go back to sleep buddy.” You walked over to him and gently pushed him back into the pillows. He nodded and grabbed your sleeve.
“Can you get me a glass of water please?” He sounded so out of it. “Of course, buddy.” You grabbed your bag and slung it back over your shoulder. You quietly went downstairs and filled up a glass with water. You sat it on the counter and pulled out your papers and the hefty book you had written from your bag. You spread them all out on the dining room table where Philza was sure to see it in the morning. You hopefully should be back before the time he usually woke up so you could just grab them and trash them when you get back.
Before you got back to Arthur’s room, you shed your bag and TNT launcher by the front door. You didn’t know if he saw them before, but he definitely didn’t need to see them now. Inside, Arthur was propped up on his chin desperately fighting against sleep. You walked over to him and gave him his water, scolding him lightly when he didn’t fully sit up so he wouldn’t choke. When he was satisfied, he put the water on the nightstand and laid back down. He looked up at you with sleep dazed eyes, “where are you going?”
You froze and sat on his bed, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here.” He scrunched up his nose and stared at you in annoyance, “no you aren’t, you’re going somewhere.”
You stared at him before you sighed, “I’m just going… to get more redstone. I just need a bit more to finish what I’m working on. I won’t be gone for long, I promise.”
“Can- can you stay here? At least until I fall back asleep?”
“Of course, my little fledgling.”
He looked up at you timidly, “will you always be with me?”
You rubbed your hand up and down his arm soothingly, “I’ll never leave you. Even if I’m away, you’ll always have a piece of me with you,” you grabbed your feather he kept on his nightstand and handed it to him. It was one of your primary feathers you lost in one of your last molts in the house before you left for L’manberg that you found between your bed and your wall. It was an impressive size being about a foot long, but your wings have long since grown bigger alongside your body’s growth. You were about to throw it away one day after doing a deep clean of your old room, but the boy was amazed by the patterns and the size of the feather. So you, being the caring parent you were, gave it to him. Since then, you’ve found him on several instances holding the feather to his chest in his sleep.
He took the feather and ran his fingers along the vane and stem. You could see him tearing up slightly, so you leaned down and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ll always be with you, my little fledgling.” You pulled back after placing a kiss on his forehead and ran your fingers through his curly mop of hair soothingly. You softly sang the song Philza would hum to you as a kid and watched as he drifted off to sleep.
“Love you Ren,” he slurred out before he was completely out. You softly smiled at his sleeping form, “I love you too, Artie. I love you too.” You sat there for a bit absorbing his every facial feature and felt pride and warmth erupt within you. Arthur Fox was your son, your pride and joy. He certainly had a bright future ahead of him. Sighing, you remembered the task ahead of you. You needed to leave soon.
Reluctantly, you left the room and started to make your way downstairs. “Did he have a nightmare?” A sleepy quiet voice asked from behind you. You jumped and whipped around with your hand flying to the empty holster on your hip before you relaxed seeing Philza there. He looked like he just crawled out of bed, his blond hair stuck up in multiple places and his blue eyes hazy.
You put a hand over your heart, “Ender Dad don’t do that, you scared the shit outta me. But yeah, he had a nightmare but he’s fine now.” He tiredly hummed, walking over to you and pulling you into an unexpected hug. “You’re a good parent for him. I’m so proud of you for adapting to the responsibility that adopting a kid takes.” You hugged him back tightly and wrapped your wings around him, careful of keeping the metal one barely pressed against him. You both stood there in the middle of the hallway enjoying each other’s presence before you heard him yawn and felt him pull back. You retracted your wings and stepped back.
“Why’re you still dressed?”
Shit, “oh, I was just finishing up something in my workshop.”
He deadpanned at you, “you know how I feel about you staying up this late, even if you’re an adult-”
“‘Even if I’m an adult it’s not healthy to constantly stay up this late’ I know, Dad. I’m almost done, I’ll be in bed in like half an hour tops.” He stared at you for a bit before he nodded and started to walk back to his room, “alright, I trust you. I’m going back to bed and I want you to do the same in a bit. Goodnight, (y/n). Love ya.”
“Love you too, Dad.” You waited until you heard the bed creak before you went back downstairs. You grabbed your stuff before you quietly opened the door and checked to see if there were any mobs around. Luckily for you, the nearest mob was only a single
enderman. With that, you spread your wings and took off into the clear night sky. The weather was perfect for flying. It would’ve been a pleasant night flight if it weren’t for the current circumstances gnawing and nagging at you in the forefront of your mind.
You lowered yourself to the ground upon getting closer to the cave’s entrance and glided into it landing a ways into the cave to avoid any mobs. The ores around you were plentiful, the occasional glimmering of redstone cutting through the darkness. Old burnt out torches hung from the walls was the only indicator that there were previously other people in the cave prior to now. You could only imagine how Arthur looked at the ores with amazement and curiosity.
As you ventured deeper, you could feel anxiety gripping at your chest and remembered how innocently and naively you craved exploration two and a half years ago. You shuddered as you wondered if the beast still had your feathers and bones scattered about. The torch in your hands sent flickering light onto the dark cave walls casting all sorts of shadows. You pushed onwards through the inky depths of the cave. Deeper yet deeper you walked placing torches wherever you went.
Eventually, you arrived at the wide opening of the cave. From where you stood, the opening of the cave was massive making you feel miniscule. Even if you were to fully expand your wings to the side, your seven and a half foot wingspan still wouldn’t come close to touching the sides of the opening. The torch in your hand hardly cut through the abyss of the cave, so you made quick work of placing them around the area so you had a clear view of your surroundings.
The cave was as you remembered it, but if you looked close enough, there were plenty of stalactites and stalagmites that weren’t there before. You could see faint dark brown stains on the walls and floors in scattered places, the stains of the miners that did not come back. The stench of rot, mildew, and decay emanated from deep parts of the cave, becoming almost unbearable in certain points where you couldn’t find anything out of place. Occasionally, you found cracked and broken shards of bone around some of the bloodstains. You even found a tooth and clumps of auburn hair. You shuddered as you remembered how Arthur told you that Hugh had dark ginger hair.
You have only found one of your feathers so far. It was trapped between a fissure in the wall. Crusted old blood decorated and clumped together some parts of the vane. You moved on to examine different parts of the cave. Sculk blocks littered the floor randomly, the tentacles calmly moving about. Soft squelching noises sounded from them; if you held your torch close to one of them, a soft shine could be seen. It was probably slimey.
If you stopped to listen past the crackling of the fire, you couldn’t hear anything. Besides a slight squelching noise that you suspected was from the sculk blocks and the sound of water droplets dripping, there was nothing. Good, you still could place the TNT. Plan A: commence.
You made quick work of placing sticks of dynamite between the nooks and crannies of rocks firmly and scattered the TNT along the vast expanse of the cave. Connecting the redstone was tricky though with the amount of TNT placed, but you eventually got everything connected to one and made work of making a trail to the outside. Just as you got started on trailing the redstone towards the mouth of the cave a few hundred feet away, the torches started to flicker.
It’s here.
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#sbi x reader#sleepy bois x reader#sleepy bois inc x reader#philza x reader#technoblade x reader#wilbur soot x reader#tommyinnit x reader#dream smp x reader#mcyt x reader#tw: swearing#tw: blood#tw: death#tw: teeth
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The Burn Within
warnings: Some NSFW language (Remus), blood/ bruises mention, hurt no comfort and self hatred
word count: 1883
authors note: for this fic i used a prompt by @just-another-ts-prompt-blog which can be found: here
hope you enjoy!
Whilst the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides preferred to keep their distance from each other, they had to share certain parts of Thomas’s mind. For example, they shared a common area, and the imagination was split into two separate realms, much like Roman and Remus: Whilst one contained multiple castles and kingdoms living in harmony with each other, the other was a prison of living nightmares.
However, this arrangement did not bring them any closer to each other. The light sides tried to avoid the dark sides at all costs. Remus often played pranks on the others such as swapping the sugar out for salt, spiking drinks with inedible products, and stealing utensils.
This made meal times extremely difficult to control: Virgil would hiss and hide, Patton would try and fail to diffuse the situation, Janus would watch in entertainment and Roman was never around to witness. The only side that could keep the sides from murdering each other was Logan.
Today seemed like one of those days.
“Virgil could you please come down from there, Remus did not do anything” Logan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was far too early for this, Logan muttered to himself whilst taking a large sip of coffee from his “worlds best mum” mug.
“He walked in whilst we were making coffee, that’s more than enough reason to hide. What if he put baby powder in my drink again? I’m going to die because of him!” Virgil hissed from his place on the top of the fridge, hoodie covering his frantic eyes.
Virgil had been more paranoid than usual after the recent video. He had fallen back into his old habit of hissing at the other sides when stressed. It concerned Patton greatly.
“Oh please sunshine, there is a higher chance of me fucking a woman with 3 arms than there is me spiking your drink again, I just walked in!” Remus exclaimed as he passed Virgil on the fridge to the dining table.
“Whilst Remus vocalized his argument in a very unprofessional manner, he is right, we have been awake for approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes whereas, by the looks of it, Remus has only been awake for around 10 minutes.” Logan made sure to maintain eye contact with Virgil whilst voicing his opinion to ensure Virgil knows he’s telling the truth. “There is nothing to worry about Virgil, you are safe”
“Thanks, L”
“You're welcome, now please come down from there, it is very dangerous to be sitting in places you are not supposed to be sitting”
-
-
After the incident this morning between Virgil and Remus, Logan remained seated in the common room, his back straight against the recliner with his laptop placed on his lap. He was researching content for a Sanders side video they will be filming in the evening. He did not do this in his room due to not wanting another incident like this morning. Logan is the only side that is willing to deal with the incidents, while the other sides (particularly Janus and Roman) are too impatient and often make the situation worse.
Throughout the whole day, Logan continued to research the link between intrusive thoughts and depression. Thomas had recently been showing signs of this mental illness and Logan wanted to bring it up to him via a video. However, there was a small issue, Logan would have to have all the other sides present including Janus and Remus. He needed Janus because Thomas listened to him more than Logan (much to the latter's dismay) and Remus represented intrusive thoughts. It would only be fair to have Remus take part in a discussion about him, even if the light sides had a problem with this.
Happy with his research, Logan snapped his laptop shut. Due to none of the other sides entering the common room after this morning's incident, Logan concluded it was safe to retreat into his room because he was not needed to split up another argument yet.
To Logan's annoyance, it was time to film the video for Thomas' youtube channel. After the events of putting others first, Logan had started to dread taking part in videos. This was because Janus proved he could take his role as logic, and remain loved and respected whilst providing the necessary information Thomas needed.
“Enough of the self-loathing, Logan, now is not the time,” Logan muttered to himself as he sank down into Thomas’s living room. This evening is going to be a long one for all of the sides, especially Logan.
-
-
Logan didn’t know how much longer he could handle the arguing.
None of the other sides were listening to his facts or solutions, too busy pinning the blame on each other for Thomas’s current problem. Roman and Remus were currently swords to mace, about to start a physical fight, Janus remained by Patton’s side trying and failing to calm him down before he turned back into a frog and Virgil remained curled up on his side, his hoodie covered the majority of him but Logan could still see him shaking.
Something had to shut them up.
I will shut them up, Logan thought to himself. Logan became alarmed by the sudden aggressive thoughts. He may have a short fuse but he wasn’t usually aggressive, not without guilt eating away at him. However, this time Logan had no guilt attached to this thought and he shivered at the realisation.
This time was different he reminded himself and with that thought, Logan snapped
“Will you all shut up and listen to what I have to say for once!” Logan all but screamed at the top of his lungs, ensuring he was heard over the arguing.
The silence that came after was enough evidence for logan to continue:
“People who suffer from depression often get stuck with a single or even several intrusive thoughts that arise frequently. These types of repetitive intrusive thoughts are known as 'rumination'.”
“The whole point of me organising this stupid video was to bring this statement to Thomas’ attention and guide him with the help of Janus to seek professional help. You all arguing like a group of immature school children was not part of the script, now if you would excuse me I am going to make myself useful for once and leave” Logan huffed, glad to get that out of his system. Even after snapping, the guilt never choked him like it usually would, which disturbed him greatly.
“Logan, wait!” Virgil pleaded, but it was too late.
“I said I was leaving, now fuck off and leave me alone” Logan hissed at him, the guilt still not reaching him.
Happy with this statement. Logan sunk out of the living room back to his room, leaving six shocked and petrified individuals behind.
“What just happened?” Thomas said to nobody in particular.
“I do not know but it’s best to leave him alone, let’s just get this shit show over and done with” Virgil muttered, far too anxious about Logan to care about the video.
Logan what happened to you. Virgil thought.
-
-
When Logan rose up into his bedroom he could not hold it in anymore. All of the pent-up frustration from being ignored for months became too much for the logical side, causing him to slam his fists into the nearest wall. However, without realizing it, Logan’s fist struck a family photo of all the sides surrounding a very happy Thomas.
For some reason seeing the shattered photo frame on the floor and the glass sticking out of his broken skin caused something within him to break.
For the first time in months, Logan allowed himself to cry out all of his frustrations.
After what seemed like hours, Logan finally got up from his place on his bed. He noted that his eyes were swollen and his hand was covered in dry blood and bruises. He did not want to get up and clean his mistake, but he knew he had to because the others would ask questions and he did not want that. Logan did not want the other side’s sympathy. It was a little too late for them and Thomas to care about him but he had to stay because Thomas needed him. They needed him.
“Do they need you though, Logan? Come on, you’re just as useful as me right now and you know it.” A harsh voice sneered into the cold room. Logan immediately knew who it was.
“Be quiet Orange, no matter how much Thomas tries to push me aside, I won’t leave because I am his logic, and Thomas needs his logical side.
“Come on Logan deep down you know I am right, let me prove it to you”
“Let’s just say you were correct in your hypothesis, what happens after that?” Logan sneered. He was far too exhausted to deal with this right now, and he just wanted to sleep.
“Let me show you”
“If I trusted you I would be breaking trust with the others and Thomas and I cannot do that. Thomas’s welfare is my number one priority and I cannot cause any harm to them, no matter how much they have hurt me”
“Oh please Logan, Thomas has not given a shit about you since the beginning. Where is your video, Logan? All the other sides have an episode focused on them, even Remus! And Thomas hates the guy! Do something for yourself for once in your life and listen to me, I can make them listen to you but you have to trust me,” Orange whispered to Logan. Logan knew deep down that what orange was saying was correct, he did not just want to admit it to himself. Until now, that is.
“Fine, what do you have in mind?”
-
-
It has been approximately one hour since Logan had sunk out of the video, and Janus was getting worried. No matter how much he tried to get a hand on Logan and summon, he couldn’t. Logan was unreachable
The twins were arguing and Patton and Janus couldn't find a middle ground. Finally, they summoned Logan, needing an impartial side. But when he appears, something is different.
He was wearing a long-sleeve dress shirt, much fancier than usual. He had streaked eyeliner and his glasses were different. He was not wearing a tie.
“Logan? What happened?” Thomas asked, hesitant like he almost doesn’t want to know.
Patton had his hand to his mouth. He spoke up after a moment, “Logan, you look like… like a dark side. What did you do?”
Logan’s voice was quiet and soft like if he spoke too loud he might break. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t try to do this, I-” he cut himself off, taking a deep, steadying breath. “I have become obsolete.” His voice broke on the last word and he clamped his mouth shut.
“No, Logan!” Thomas immediately disagreed. “We need Logic!”
Logan nodded, eyes still trained on the floor. “Yes, you do need logic. But . . . you don’t want me”
And with that, Logan sank out for the second time that night, leaving nothing but a cloud of smoke that soon vanished, just like he did.
The others could not do anything but feel the burn within.
What had they done?
#logan angst#logan sanders angst#logan sanders#Janus Sanders#remus sanders#virgil sanders#character!thomas#sanders sides
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Hello Wise One! I was actually hoping if you can give me some solid personality pointers on Jango, rather than Boba, Fett?
sure thing! full disclosure that my knowledge of jango is not as extensive as my knowledge of boba, but i’ll do my best with what i have! here are some personality traits of jango’s i’ve observed:
paranoid/protective: this is a big one if you ask me. jango endured a life of betrayal and loss before he became a bounty hunter and it shows. besides boba, he doesn’t trust anyone fully, not even those closest to him and is always ready to cut ties at the drop of a hat—lethally, if necessary. his mistrust of the rest of the galaxy is so potent that when he takes boba on missions to populated areas, he instructs him to hide even from normal foot traffic and becomes anxious when he learns that others may have spotted him. it becomes pretty evident that part of the reason boba was so isolated growing up was that jango didn’t trust the vast majority of the galaxy enough to let them near the kid. and when other bounty hunters find out about him? ho boy. jango actually convinces them that he killed boba using a cloned child’s body, bc he’d rather be known as the worst kind of monster rather than make boba a target. there’s also the fact that, after their apartment on kamino gets found out by obi-wan, jango is packed and ready to leave in minutes. not only is he ready to bug out at the first sign of danger, but he’s well-prepared to do so at a moment’s notice.
a loving father: another big one. for those who look at a man as battle-hardened and stoic as jango fett and wonder whether boba got enough affection as a kid, worry not: in the vast majority of depictions, jango is a very loving father, especially when he’s out of the prying eyes of clients and colleagues. he hugs boba, tells him he loves him, joins him in playing with toy starfighters, and tries to make time for him as much as he can. he even does his dadly duty of going fishing with his son (though he and boba practice spearfishing rather than using a rod and tackle). there’s also a wistful little scene where, trying to help boba feel better after zam’s death, he takes him to kamino’s main spaceport and lets him infodump about all the ships he sees there :,) so overall, he has a lot of good qualities as a dad
controlling: and the other side of the coin! while jango is a genuinely loving father, he’s not at all the type to encourage his son’s independent development. self-sufficiency? sure. interests in anything other than the path jango has laid out for him? not really. he actively discourages boba from learning about “unimportant” topics from books, an apparently very broad category given it includes things such as schools, moms, and other children. he drills into boba’s head that he’s going to be a bounty hunter and that he needs to abide by a code with such healthy guidelines like, “don’t have friends or attachments” and “trust no one but use everyone.” boba, of course, goes with it bc he loves his father and wants to live up to his expectations, but he never really gets a choice in the matter. honestly, i think this side of jango is best summed up by him leaving a post-humous note for boba that says, among other things, “i am more than a parent to you.” it kind of goes along with how, after jango’s death, boba continued to think of his father not just with love and grief, but also an almost religious dread of failing his expectations. jango undoubtedly loved his son but he also seems to have defined a very narrow path for him to walk, without room for deviation.
possesses an actual charisma score: okay, now for a more fun one: jango has a charisma score and he apparently makes a habit of using it, to the point where his old friend rozatta pokes fun at him for it (he compliments her and she’s like “oh, you’re flattering me? must mean you want something!”) he also pulls the same thing on zam, calling her charming to get her to agree to help him break into a target’s stronghold. so yeah, jango fett turning up the charm to get people to help him/give him info? 100% canon, baby
very fun friendship with zam wesell: look, this isn’t a personality trait, but it’s important to me. these two are just so fucking funny together. like, on the surface, it’s just a fun dynamic of zam making flirty banter and jokes while jango pretends to be annoyed and drag her, much to her delight. but then on a professional level, you have these two ammoral assholes bouncing wildly between being one another’s Sexy Rival and being one another’s Unhinged Partner but whoops, jango went and had a kid, so now they’re Unhinged But Mostly Responsible Co-Parents. one of my favorite scenes is when, in an attempt to intimidate a prisoner into talking, zam impersonates a politician and lets jango pretend to “kill” her in front of him. for some reason, even after they’re done, jango continues to bridal carry zam’s “body” into the cockpit of slave I, at which point, she perks up, bats her eyelashes at him, and goes, “you’d never really kill me would you, jango?” jango quite honestly replies, “only if i had to.” there’s a beat and then zam’s like, “....you’re so sweet! 😘” honestly, they’re so stupid, i love them
ascetic: much like his son, jango doesn’t seem to have much interest in luxury or “the finer things.” despite having enough money to live very comfortably, his apartment on kamino is described as “spartan” in design and furnishing. this may have something to do with the first bullet point, given that a simple life is easier to pack up and take with you at a moment’s notice, but i do think there’s some amount of preference in this lifestyle, given it’s what both fetts seem most comfortable with in all circumstances.
traumatized: i mean, he’s a fett, ain’t he? particularly, just like boba after him, jango is traumatized by the loss of his family, especially his own father figure, jaster mereel. much like boba, jango seems haunted by the need to live up to jaster’s name and legacy. for background, jaster was betrayed and killed in an ambush by the leader of deathwatch, after which he passed on the title of mand’alor to jango. however, some time after this, the true mandalorians led by jango were wiped out by a combination of death watch and the jedi, with jango himself being stripped of his armor and sold as a slave. after this point, jango does not seem to see himself as worthy of jaster’s legacy and thus attempts to pass it on to his son, resulting in the high and narrow expectations he sets for boba as mentioned in bullet point #3. boba himself concludes as much as an adult. on top of the trauma of losing his family, jango also seems to have been traumatized by his time as a slave. most notably, when he’s being tortured after being captured by target komari vosa, he at first remains fairly stoic, even as she starts to mutilate his face. it isn’t until she mentions enslaving him that he seems to panic, struggling desperately to get away. vosa even laughs and says that she must have touched a nerve with her comment. basically: fetts be traumatized :(
soft spot for (some) kids: another thing that’s interesting about jango is that he... usually attempts to do right when kids are involved. i say “usually” bc fat lot of good it did all the cloned children he had a hand in creating >:( but, for example, after killing a runaway clonetrooper as part of a bounty, he finds out that the clone had a son. unwilling to let the child live in poverty due to his own actions, he has regular payments sent to the boy’s mother to help support him. in another instance, jango and zam help deliver an artifact to a client who intends to use it to carry out a terrorist attack on coruscant against millions of civilians. when zam finds out about the client’s intentions, she’s horrified and goes to jango demanding they steal the artifact back. jango completely brushes her off at first, telling her it’s not his problem and that he needs to spend more time with his son. zam coldly asks him how many “sons” he thinks live on coruscant. needless to say, her argument convinces him to join her in stopping the terrorist plot :,)
aaand that’s all i got at the moment! i hope it helps to characterize jango a little bit more!
#crcgeneralwandsmith#jango fett#boba fett#zam wesell#fetts pass on trauma like a family heirloom :`)#like ''got this from grandpa jaster so don't lose it now''
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