so we know that orv is basically kim dokja's self insert ways of survival fix-it fanfic right. and we know that his narration is coloured by his interpretation of the characters and the way he sees not only the real world, but also the world of ways of survival. anyway can we talk about how his self insert happy ending fanfic involves him working closely with the protagonist, his favourite character ever, and he spends a good chunk of it thinking - despite all evidence to the contrary - that yoo joonghyuk doesnt care about him. he thinks its out of character for yoo joonghyuk to like him. he thinks its OUT OF CHARACTER for his FAVOURITE CHARACTER to LIKE HIM. im going to be sick
and it has to do with the way he conceptualizes himself as a "self insert" - he doesnt consider himself a person yoo joonghyuk would care about because he doesn't consider himself a person yoo joonghyuk interacts with. it's about the divide between a character and a real person..... if a new character that could rival yoo joonghyuk's strength showed up in ways of survival, proved himself trustworthy, and did everything he could to make sure yoo joonghyuk didn't die, of COURSE yoo joonghyuk would begin to trust that character - especially in the early regressions. but kim dokja isn't a character. he's manipulating the story from the other side of the fourth wall - he's not someone yoo joonghyuk can have a relationship with. (almost like the oldest dream..... ohhh my god. head in hands.) of course we aren't companions - he's a character and i'm a real person. they're incarnations and i'm a constellation. they're all real people and i'm a character, written and sold by my own mother. theres a thick wall between us.....
and why would you conceptualize it that way kim dokja. why would you tell a story where all the characters get a happy ending but you arent a character. why does your idea of a good story involve none of your companions caring about whether you live or die. kim dokja i am knocking on the wall
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me, going into silent hill 2 for the first time: "im gonna be scared but everyone says that its too cool for jumpscares save 1 so i should be ok"
me, after beating silent hill 2:
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unable to get behind the idea that fizz "forgave blitz too quickly" or that it was a writing flaw how easily he accepted blitz's version of the story or whatever like. no!!! it makes sense!!!
blitz was his best friend!! of COURSE he wouldn't want to believe that blitz tried to hurt him so badly!! blitz tells him what happened and fizz IMMEDIATELY softens in the way he's looking at him. he doesn't even look mad or like he thinks he's being lied to, like -
LOOK AT HIS FACE HE WANTED TO FORGIVE BLITZ SO BADLY. HE NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT BLITZ DID THIS TO HIM ON PURPOSE.
even all his little microexpressions in this one scene say SO MUCH
fizz probably spent SO LONG trying to rationalize or explain what happened to him, he probably spent AGES hoping so badly that there was an explanation that DIDN'T involve his best friend hating him so much he tried to kill him as painfully as possible
and to say it feels contrived; i just. fizz CARES!! the same way blitz has always CARED!! they never wanted to stop being in each other's lives - they both suffered a major trauma and were made to believe that the other one hated them, but they were BEST friends and always had been. how could either of them ever not jump at the chance that it was a mistake? how could fizz not cling to the possibility that his best friend might be able to still be his best friend?
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I'm still not done editing/revising so it might be a bit longer but it's also going into the territory of 'this is too long for a single chapter so i might do the good ole slice'
But if I slice it that means i take the revised/finished half of it >post it tonight and then edit and probably have the rest finished in the morning. This takes place the whole week time period before the DCA reinstatement, so if sliced it would have to be part 1 and part 2. But I can also keep it all together like a big piece of pie. Idk
Anyway forgive me taking so long as I am going to go to the store for. a snack.
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