#I've been feeling fantastic since starting therapy again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ceasarslegion · 1 year

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Hey guys

I hate doing this i hate it i really do but, on my last day of work I watched someone get stabbed in the neck and his assailant sprayed bear mace all over the hallway at the security guards trying to tackle him. I've never seen that level of human fear and panic in public before as people scrambled for the exits, nor have I ever felt that suffocated before. Not even the delta variant of COVID made it hurt that much just to breathe. Bear mace is a special kind of agony that I hope none of you ever have to experience. I'm young and healthy and able-bodied so my lungs should be able to bounce back, but that doesn't make me invincible. My eyes are still watering and I still have a bit of a cough, but it seems to be getting better with time.

I'm lucky to live in a country with free physical healthcare if anything gets worse or goes wrong there, so I don't have to worry about that avenue. The main thing I'm having issues with is the mental toll that takes on a person. This incident occurred just days after I dealt with the cops for a different reason when I told off the wrong group of kids for being abusive to a service worker and they kept me holed up in a KFC for over an hour banging at me through the glass and threatening my life if I stepped outside. And after the stabbing incident, our head office wanted us to open up our store and start selling again as if nothing was wrong, as if we were making up excuses to leave early. They won't be covering their staff's mental health nor giving them any hazard pay or time off that our friends at the Starbucks are getting. Therapy isn't covered in Canada.

That was also my last day at that job, and while I have another way better one lined up soon, there's still a gap of unknown (but not long) length between positions during which I'm effectively unemployed while my new supervisor slots me into the next available training course. This was supposed to be a well-earned break for me to rest and relax, but I worry it will be overshadowed by the murky cloud of settling trauma. While I have savings, I have to make them stretch as long and far as possible since I have no income coming in and I don't have a set date for when I will again, just "very soon."

I haven't been able to sleep and I'm too nauseated to eat. I still feel numb and in shock to what I saw and experienced. The lingering bear mace isn't bad enough to be the culprit, as I've slept and eaten through worse colds at this point. I think I'm going to have to book an emergency session with my therapist, but his rates are a bit pricey. I'm going to ask the office about possible payment plans or if things can get at least partially covered under AHS in the event of something like this since it's a threat to my physical health if it's making me rapidly agoraphobic and affecting my ability to take care of my basic needs like sleep and feeding myself. Even if my old work would cover it (highly doubt it), I don't work there anymore. That was the exact date outlined in my resignation letter. It's just a shit situation all around.

But if you guys have the ability to kick me a few extra bucks that will all go towards therapy, I would be forever grateful for it. You don't have to, please don't feel obligated. I've gotten out of worse scraps than this financially, and if all else fails, I can beg my grandmother for some of the hoard of oil money cash that she sits on like a dragon. The problem is that she's incredibly psychologically abusive, but she's the only member of my family who could foot a bill like that on this short of notice. So you don't have to worry that I'll go bankrupt or anything. But for obvious reasons, I'd rather not compile onto the mental health problems I'm experiencing if I can avoid it.

And the job I'm onboarding onto has a fantastic salary and benefits, so I can pay everybody back once I have a reliable source of income again. With the amount of followers I have, even a dollar or a reblog helps immensely. And I won't accept anything that exceeds the amount a session costs if I get that much in cumulative assistance (180 CAD), so it's all going to therapy.

My canadian p**p** is .me/damodrawz if you can spare anything, but don't feel obligated.

Thanks everybody, I hope things get better soon.

#:((

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williamrikers · 10 months

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Thai BL Favorites List

@recentadultburnout tagged me ages ago, and i finally got around to answering 🙈 thank you for tagging me 🥰

Favorite Thai BL:

kinnporsche, hands down. no competition there. second place is more difficult to determine, however... if be my favorite sticks the landing on friday, it might win out against moonlight chicken for me, which was firmly in second place until bmf started airing 👀

Current Obsession:

be my favorite. laws of attraction. only friends. (does watching the trailer several times a day count as an obsession even though the series hasn't actually aired yet?? i think so)

Favorite Pairing:

oh boy. that's a difficult one. i'm inclined to say vegaspete. other s-tier pairings: akkayan (not counting the our skyy 2 episode 😫), guncher (ESPECIALLY counting the our skyy 2 episode 😏), seanwhite, tiwpor, palmnueng, pisaengkawi. if we're talking non-canon pairings then definitely khathachan and runzero (yes, zero had less than a minute of screen time. yes, i want him and run to fuck nasty. shut up.)

Most Underrated Actor:

book kasidet. ever since i watched abaab i've been like, why the hell are people sleeping on this guy?? he's absolutely fantastic and i am hoping and manifesting that only friends is going to be his big break-through. he's going to to be acting opposite of heavy hitters like first and khaotung, and i believe with all my heart that he's going to hold his own AND THEN SOME. my biggest wish for only friends is an emotional firstbook scene because i truly believe they'll be able to make magic together.

now, if this category were most underused actor, i'd say nodt nutthasid. GIVE MY BOY SOME ACTING ROLES!!!

Favorite Character:

oh. vegas kp? kawi bmf? cher abaab? gun msp? por msp? tiw msp? tinn msp? sound msp? every one of the msp kids??? idk

Favorite Side Character:

por msp. again lmao. he's my son and i love him.

Favorite Scene in a BL:

moonlight chicken episode 5 part 1/4, alan and wen at home before and after their breakup. i regularly rewatch that scene, it's one of THE absolute all-time highlights of television for me.

Favorite Line in a BL:

"love for our bodies, love for our minds." (bmf episode 8)

this line gave me fucking therapy. if i'm lucky, one day i will be able to put into words just what this line means to me.

Most Anticipated BL:

only friends of course. but i'm also looking forward to dangerous romance, i feel you linger in the air and man suang. i'm just hoping the movie's going to be available in europe in some way shape or form 🥺🙏

Healthiest Relationship in a BL:

this is a very weird category. why does a fictional relationship even need to be "healthy"? isn't it more important to be fun to watch? (my personal "most fun to watch" award goes to kinn and porsche.) anyway, i'd say tinngun msp.

Most Toxic Relationship in a BL:

third and khai on theory of love. also pat and jeng on step by step. and yes, i'm still salty about both of those.

Guilty Pleasure Series:

i don't feel guilty about pleasure, i'm not catholic. that said it's definitely kinnporsche 😂😂

i'm tagging @burnsuncomet and @sparklyeyedhimbo 😘💖✨

#*mine #bl stuff #personal

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aesthetic-bastard · 1 year

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Media Interaction 2022

Part 9: September

Cult of the Lamb - I felt a little skeptical about purchasing this game because I'm usually turned off by things that go along the lines of "super adorable thing is actually fucked up and edgy". I'm also not too big into stuff about the occult but I can't stand overly edgy insincere representation of cults in media. I decided to purchase this game anyway since certain aspects of Cult of the Lamb seemed fun to me like interacting with your cult followers.

I've never played a Roguelike game before and I found the gameplay quite addictive at times. Unfortunately, Cult of the Lamb lost my interest very quickly since I think a week after playing it I bought Yakuza 0 for very cheap and that drew my attention a lot more. I guess while playing Cult of the Lamb I enjoyed messing around with my followers more than I did going through the levels and story. But feeding my little animals their own feces can only be so funny so many times and my interest slipped away rapidly as I did essentially everything you can do with your followers like marrying them, killing them, cannibalizing them, sacrificing them, and so on. Edgy humor can only get so much out of me and besides doing things to nurture or torture my followers, an aspect of this game that tired me was the fact that your cult members can reach old age and then Die. It got very exhausting coming back from a quest and 3 of my followers have dropped dead and I need to bury their corpses which means I need to recruit new members. I liked naming all my followers after my friends but after recruiting so many I didn't have enough friends to keep naming all these silly little animals in my cult. Maybe someday in the new year I will come back to this game and finish it properly.

Silent hill 2 - This was another game this year I experienced vicariously through my friends streaming it for me over Discord. Even though I wasn't playing this game firsthand I have never interacted with a videogame that made me cry very hard and let me tell you how much of a struggle that was while being on a voice call. Despite being an action horror game the atmosphere of Silent Hill is very cozy and the ambiance is also fantastic. I love James Sunderland and I think he's an exceptional character with real emotions and flaws. I say flaws, not in a negative way but that he is human and learns to accept and overcome his actions in the story (at least depending on your outcome by the end of the game) I like that Silent Hill is a place people are mysteriously drawn to and each person's experience in Silent Hill is unique to them. It feels like a place you enter and your experiences either make or break you as a person.

Lost in Vivo - Yet another game I experience vicariously through my friends streaming it to me. Most of the time when my friends stream me horror games I don't feel fear or any other sensations associated with these types of games but while watching through my friend's playthrough of Lost in Vivo I felt intense fear. We finished this game together in about 3 hours and my hands were clammy the entire time I watched. Despite being very short and filled with jump scares I was amazed by the dark subject matter this game touches on such as eating disorders, abusive relationships, and body dysphoria. I think Lost in Vivo handles these subjects sincerely and is a horror game about overcoming these intense traumas by navigating through the sewers to find your lost therapy dog.

No More Heroes 3 - I can't remember which month I initially started playing No More Heroes 3 (I think it was February) but it took me a while to wrap this game up which it shouldn't have. After completing the NMH series, I think NMH3 is my favorite followed by NMH1. NMH3 takes everything from the first game and amplifies it to perfection almost making it like a direct sequel that NMH2 should have been. Since I first started playing this directly after I wrapped up Travis Strikes Again in January, it felt really good to get back into the combat style of the mainline NMH games. A feature in NMH3 that I just loved was the time machine and being able to challenge previous bosses. I'm still relatively new to action games so it's very satisfying using the time machine to practice on bosses and grind for materials. The open world is great, and I'm an absolute whore regarding collectibles because I planted all 100 fucking palm trees across every destination. There's a lot to keep you busy in NMH3 besides going through the story and I found myself spending a lot of time doing all sorts of things whether it was jobs, missions, or collecting items. I feel bad that for a short while I dropped this game and didn't come back to it until later in the year to knock it off my list. I feel like after completing the NMH series I am a different person and I have taken an incredible journey with expanding my interests and sharing my thoughts.

Obey Me - I don't play very many mobile games and my phone is usually clear of any of these types of apps but every once in a while I need some sort of entertainment on my phone to pass the time. I saw Obey Me popped up in the app store and knew this was a dating sim and I downloaded it for shits and giggles since I can't understand the appeal of otome games. After finding out right away that Obey Me is actually a gacha game instead of a full dating sim my interest dwindled very quickly but Obey Me does something no other otome game can compare. Most otome games feature a bland female main character typically characterized by brown hair and glasses that act as the player's self-insert. A huge issue I have with otome games is that all the male love interests only ever treat the female MC like a damsel in distress and speak in a patronizing manner. I've never found this kind of writing to be attractive or romantic to me and I've always known these kinds of games simulate superficial romance. Obey Me, on the other hand, does not feature a female MC but instead, you are represented in the game as a gender-neutral anthropomorphic sheep. Every character in Obey Me also communicates to you with gender-neutral terms and never treats you as if you are vulnerable. At times the dialogue is a little too corny for me but I feel that it's so important that a game like Obey Me is gender inclusive and that anyone can be the MC of this game and simulate romance regardless of gender. I feel that Obey Me is a huge step forward for being an inclusive dating sim with writing that isn't condescending. I'm hoping to come back to Obey Me someday and try and pursue a few characters since I did end up liking a small handful of male love interests.

#media interaction 2022

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write-feel-live-love · 3 months

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Welcome to the Happiness Project

So I don't know if you're familiar with Gretchen Rubin, but she has this thing called the Happiness Project. She also has a great podcast called Happier. I highly recommend it.

Anyway, if you want to learn more about her, go for it. I'm writing about my own Happiness Project, based off of hers. The gist of it is that you need to pick a theme per month (some aspect of self-improvement) and then pick mini goals to achieve that lead you closer to that theme.

So here's my first entry:

Month #1: Heal

I learned in therapy recently that I have been depressed for 6 years. Yes, this was news to me. I'm apparently really good at denial. Like.. Pro Level. Even more recently I discovered I've been depressed since I was 12. Again, Pro Level of denial.

I've always been someone to take my labels seriously and when I heard this news, I spiraled for a hot minute. I didn't know how to adjust this new label into my current life: Mother. Wife. Teacher. Where does Pro Level Depression Denier fall?

So I decided maybe it was time to step back and heal. Before I get too deep, you need to know one thing. It's been almost a year since I had my second child and post-partum depression/ anxiety has kicked my ass.

Goal #1: Start a new vitamin to combat the hair loss that my beautiful baby caused. Surprisingly, this one might actually be working. I showered tonight and not nearly as much hair fell out of my head as usual. Still could have been a wig for a small doll, but we're getting there!

Goal #2: Do a session of yoga or walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes every night. This one has also gone surprisingly well. I've only missed one might when depression hit a little harder than normal. But with the support of my fantastic husband, we got back on track the next night. Again, I started this project mid-way through March so this might not actually be THAT impressive, BUT I have 2 children under the age of 5. I think it's a pretty fucking great start.

Goal #3: Continue to work on banishing oil. I'm working my way into a new religious path. Part of which values protection. Right now, I'm working on banishing negativity from my life. Hence, banishing oil. Currently basking in the moon light charging up so I can actually use it in a ritual this week. (P.S.- No judgment please, I'm not here for it.)

Goal #4: Make Spring Break plans! I'm a teacher. I'm a burnt out teacher. Who has two small children I still have to watch over Spring Break because I created them and am responsible for them. Hence, we need to get the fuck out of the house next week or I'm going to go fucking crazy.

Goal #5: Identify the Top 3 things bugging the crap out of me at work (bonus if you can make a plan to work on them). I'll be honest here. I haven't gotten to this one yet. Work is hard right now. State testing is upon us, the kids know Spring Break is coming. Every one is burnt out and checked out. I still have a week left of March. I got time!

Goal #6: Make a list of the things that make me feel sexy. My sex life is in the trash. Post-partum and regular depression have taken my will to bone. I used to be a machine. So, to combat this, I need to find what makes me feel sexy again. So far, and pathetically, clothes have been it. Until I thought about it, and realized that somehow dancing also works. I need to give this some more thought, but yeah. We're getting there.

Last Minute Goal #7: 24 for 24. Also stolen from Gretchen Rubin. As indicated by the disclaimer. This one is last minute. So I don't have an update for this yet. It's coming.

So yeah. If you've read this, thanks. If not, it's all good. This is more for me than for anybody else anyway. I've been told that if you want to be a writer, write. I used to write all the time to express my thoughts and learn how I really feel. (Kind of informs the name of this blog, which I'll explain some day.) So here I am. Writing to figure out who this new person is, if the old me is in here somewhere, and how those two people are going to get along for the rest of my life.

#self care #self improvement #self awareness #happiness project #happiness #depression #coping #goals

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movingonjournal · 8 months

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I gotta start somewhere

I need to write stuff down because it's just spinning in my head and I don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I'm not over you. I regret breaking up with you. I wish I could have this conversation with you but it'd be selfish to push my feelings now. You're in an actual health relationship now, in a city you love, with a fantastic new job. And I wish it was with me. More than anything. I wish I could have talked to you when we were together. I wish I could have voiced my issues. I wish we could have had a conversation. I wish I would have just fucking talked to you. I broke. I ended it so suddenly. I was on the edge. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to the end of the year with everything inside. And it broke me. I thought I was doing what I had to. And it was unfair to you. I'm sorry. The wildest thing is it's probably the best thing to happen to you. You're out of this city, this state, halfway across the world basically. You're in therapy, with him even. I wish I could have gotten help sooner. Being finally in a place of healing myself all I'm filled with is regret. Regret I couldn't have worked on our relationship. Regret I couldn't have gotten help. Regret I wasn't able to go to therapy. Coming out of the lowest point is weird. And you're not here to just hold me. I miss you. With everything I miss you. I've cried so much since getting help. Mostly because you're not here. I wish I could have figured out what happened between the family. Why I felt like I had to choose. And why I didn't choose you. And now it's too late. You're with a wonderful human being and I have no intention of getting in between that. And that hurts. Because I want to so badly. I want to just show up at your door. And that's the worst possible thing I could do. I can't even voice this right now so I have to write it down. I'm working on that. It's been hard and I fail a bunch but I'm trying. This is a first step for me getting my thoughts out and not keeping them inside. Everyone says I should just block you but I can't. You don't deserve to be shut out. I just wish I could call you but if I do I don't know what to talk about. I want to hear all about your happiness but at the same time it's going to tear me up inside. I want you to know I'm trying though. You always wanted me to get better. You loved me regardless. I'm sorry I wasn't that person. I'm not ready to see anyone else yet. I still love you. idk. Everyone is able to move on so quickly but I can't. I wish I could share all the records I've bought. I wish we could have gone to the festival. I wish I could have taken you to the fairs. I wish I could have started cooking for you. It's hard but I'm trying. I just want you to know I'm trying to be better. And I miss you. And I love you. I never stopped. I don't really have much else to say at this point and I'm sure I'll say it again in later entries. I'm finding myself and I wish I could share it with you.

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lavaffair · 2 years

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Begin Again - Rated T

It's been a while since I've written anything, and it just so happens that I'm not writing a one-shot. It's a story with 9 (ish) chapters!!!

It's my first one ever so I hope you guys enjoy it if you decide to join me on this new journey.

_________

There is beauty in starting over when you get to let go of what happened and who you were in the past.

Kagome has moved into a new apartment, and she looks forward to a brighter future where she leaves the baggage of a toxic relationship behind. Rooming with her best cat Buyo, Kagome starts to experience the fun of living alone. Although, she didn't count on her neighbor being a cute half-demon.

She also didn't expect to develop a crush on him either.

you can find it on AO3! (Multi Chaptered)

__________

Chapter One

After unloading the last box into her new and empty apartment, Kagome felt like she could finally take a deep breath and begin analyzing the situation. She still needs to unpack her belongings and place them where they belong, and with her best friend's help, it will be done faster and efficiently. Her apartment complex was decently sized with multiple three-story buildings swarming the land. Rent was a decent price, one that she could definitely afford and live comfortably on her own, and the layout of the unit itself was really nice. Bunking with Sango and Miroku for eight months helped her to save up for the new move, and she was excited for this new phase in her life.

Moving into this place was like a breath of fresh air, so clean and free of the pollutants that once claimed her life. With this, Kagome was ready to leave her ex-boyfriend and all the pain he left her behind. The way the relationship had ended could be compared to a work of fiction, even to the point where she had to move in with her two best friends until she got back on her feet. The first two months had been terrible as she dealt with an aching heart and a broken spirit. Insecurity and doubt etched into her mind, haunting her while she continuously blamed herself for not being enough for him to stay faithful to her.

‘If he cheated on me, it’s clearly because there is something wrong with me.’

Although she had convinced herself that those words held true, with time and patience she began to heal. After days and nights of consistent crying, emotional breakdowns, and girls' night-outs for distraction, Kagome was beginning to glow differently. As weeks dragged on, she faced the trauma and pain head-on and allowed herself to feel it. Processing what had happened gave her a new, outsider point of view of the relationship. Journaling became a new hobby, giving her a canvas to write about any thought that crossed her mind.

Pros and cons lists were made, and Sango would scream with her in large, empty parking lots that were far from civilization with Miroku tagging along as their designated driver. Therapy sessions with her mother and hanging out with her brother Sota helped too. If it hadn’t been for her best friends and family; Kagome would have lost herself months ago. The days were rough, and it felt like the tears she cried would never cease, but they did. Just like that, all the love she carried for this man vanished as fast as he had turned into a stranger.

Kagome had learned her lessons, and now she could see the red flags that she once ignored. While focusing on herself, she landed a position as lead editor for the publishing company she worked for. It was a fantastic opportunity, and it made really good money.

The confidence that was ripped apart had returned, the self-doubt had disappeared, and she realized that what he did was not a reflection of her but a reflection of who he is. Truthfully, she’s not too sure if she’s ready for something new; there is still fear latched to her heart about trusting someone and falling in love all over again.

She shook her head to brush away that thought clouding her mind. Focus on the present!

“Okay, that’s the last of it.” Miroku declared. He locked the door behind him and observed the empty apartment.

“Don’t you think it’s cute?” Kagome asked, her voice filled with nervous excitement.

“Yeah, I really like the naked white walls and hardwood floors. Reminds me of our guest bathroom at home. ” He sarcastically replied.

“Ha-ha,” Kagome replied dryly. “Give me a few weeks to make this place mine and you’ll see.”

“I think it’s got a lot of potential.” Sango chimed in. “Plus, you’re great at decorating. Unlike Miroku when he was in charge of the said guest bathroom.” She cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Hey, I never agreed to decorate the bathroom,” He retorted, “You told me to do it.”

“Because it’s next to your man cave.” The girls replied in unison.

He pouted, clearly in defeat. “I like things simple.”

Kagome clapped her hands. “Perfect! So then we can all agree, my apartment is cute, especially when it looks like Miroku's guest bathroom.” Kagome cheered.

“Just like you.” Sango complimented.

Miroku chuckled at the scene before him, admiring the way the girls enjoyed each other's presence. “Alright. While you guys flirt with each other I'm gonna go ahead and order us some pizza.”

Kagome looked around at the unopened boxes and sighed. “While we wait for the pizza, wanna help me unload some of my stuff?”

Sango smiled softly at her best friend. “If I don’t help you, you’ll do it by yourself, and you’re clumsy enough to break something.”

Miroku put his hand over his cell phone's speaker and loudly whispered, “You may even break you!”

Kagome sent Miroku a mock glare, failing to conceal the grin on her face, and swiftly turned on her heel towards the kitchen with a huff. “Fine, then come help Miss Clumsy unload her dishes first!”

Carefully, the girls began unloading the boxes with Kagome’s fragile items one by one. Together they cleaned the cabinets and drawers before adding her dishes, pots, and pans. Miroku joined after placing the pizza orders and helped unload her cooking and eating utensils. Since she will be living alone, she didn’t have a lot of dinnerware, but she fell in love with a glazed set and she is very capable of dropping them all.

Once they completed unloading the kitchen items the pizzas had finally arrived, and they happily plopped down on the dusty floor to eat.

“Your next move is to get some furniture in here.” Miroku managed to say with his mouth full. He thought it was a good idea to add extra cheese to the pies, but now it’s so cheesy that he is having a hard time with it.

Kagome nodded before taking a bite. “I won’t have any for another week. My pick-up orders have been delayed, so I’ll be eating on the floor for the time being.”

Sango shrugged her shoulders and grinned. “Good thing you had your own bed. The floor is comfortable, but use a pillow if your butt starts to go numb.”

“Oh no, not my butt!” Kagome giggled, “My most prized possession!”

The group was quick to eat the large pizza, the quick meal helping them tremendously. It gave them enough fuel to continue unboxing as many of Kagome’s possessions as possible, as long as there was a place to put them. Together they built her bed and put her clothes away in her closet, as well as loaded her bathroom with all of her hygiene products and various soaps. The number of boxes left was manageable for Kagome to unload by herself, and all the heavy-duty items were already in their spots.

Sango dusted off her hands and exhaled, looking around the little empty apartment that will now be her best friend's home. “Guess that’s it.”

“Yeah.” Kagome breathed, joining her in taking in the empty living room.

Miroku shook his head and laughed, “You guys are acting like we don’t live five minutes down the road.”

The girls rolled their eyes and scoffed, “You just don’t get it.” They said in unison.

His eyebrows shot up, his eyes averting their gaze. “Well,” he laughed as he patted their heads. “Call us if you ever need anything. I won’t miss watching you eating my snacks while you binge watch movies on the couch.”

“Your Doritos are now safe once again.” She laughed.

“Nah, my oreos are safe. His Doritos were always your second choice.” Sango chimed in with a smirk. She pulled Kagome into a hug, squeezing her tightly in her arms. “I’ll miss seeing your grumpy face every morning.”

Kagome laughed, squeezing her back with the same vigor. “I’m down the street, you can come to see my grumpy face whenever you want.”

Sango squeezed her harder, “Call me whenever. We’ll run right over if you need us.”

“Babe, you’re gonna pop her like a balloon if you hug her any harder.”

They let each other go, laughter echoing around the empty apartment. They made their way to the front door, giggles still leaving their mouths as the reality set in that this would be the first night that they don’t live under the same roof together. Kagome opened the door and leaned on it, a sad smile now decorating her features.

“I’ll see you guys later.” Her hands fiddled with the doorknob, turning it back and forth within her hand. “Text me when you get home.”

Their car’s lights blinked twice as Miroku unlocked the doors, the finality of the day beginning to set in between them.

“We will.” He held Sango’s hand with his and pulled it to his chest, a common thing he does whenever he knows she needs comfort. They said their final goodbyes, and Kagome silently watched them open their doors and climb inside.

“Don’t talk to strangers!” She heard Sango’s voice yell from the window, her boisterous laugh reverberating in the parking lot.

She waved goodbye as their car pulled out of the spot, happy little giggles leaving her mouth for no one but herself to hear.

_____

Two weeks had already passed since Kagome moved into her new apartment, and in those fourteen days, she had already made it into a home. She surprised herself when she successfully built her new furniture without any extra help, being convinced she would have to call Sango to come over to be her second pair of arms. Her dining table and chairs, couch, and lounge chair had already come assembled; but her coffee table, dresser, and nightstands were easy to puzzle together with her small toolbox and little knowledge of assembly.

She padded herself on the back for her skills in interior decorating, thanks to the internet, she had already bought everything she needed before moving in and added them into their designated spaces once the furniture was added. With her home office now set up, and all the other rooms organized; she could finally lay around comfortably in her own home.

Work has been eating up all of her time, no thanks to the move, and she felt like she had been drowning in paperwork. Playing catch-up would never be easy for Kagome, as she usually sucks at staying level-headed under pressure. Luckily, she’s getting the hang of it thanks to her promotion, the mountainous piles of paperwork and tasks were slowly becoming no match for her quick thinking.

Her stomach grumbled loudly in the silent room, telling her that it was going to shrivel up and die if it isn’t fed soon. Again, she had prioritized her job over her hunger and now her body was complaining. Exhausted, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Guess I need to go eat before my stomach decides to eat itself.

The chair pushed back with resistance against the floor; a piercing squeal followed the movement, and it made her body shiver in reaction. “That can’t be good for the floor, but right now, I’m too hungry to care.”

She sauntered to her little kitchen and pulled out some leftover dinner from the night before, along with an extra helping of rice because she deserved it, and threw it into the microwave.

“Buyo!” She called for her cat, “Come for dinner!” Her foot tapped on the hardwood floor, an old habit she picked up from her mother to summon the cats back home, and filled his little bowl with his favorite food.

While she set it back down to the ground, the microwave beeped, and she excitedly grabbed the plate full of food and set it on the counter. Her stomach flipped as it continued to growl and complain, her hunger was really starting to set in the longer she waited to eat.

Without caring about whether or not she burned her tongue, Kagome scooped the salmon rice into her mouth and hummed happily. She danced where she stood, too happy to take a seat at her dinner table to eat like a normal person, and stuffed her face faster than usual. The hours she had gone without any food, even a snack; had been a terrible idea and as she took her last bite she promised herself to never do that again.

A promise she had been breaking the last two weeks.

“Dinner was good huh, Buyo?” She asked her cat, the fullness in her stomach finally settling in.

Looking down towards the food bowl, she realized it was still filled to the brim, with no chunky Calico cat in sight.

“Buyo?” She called a second time, her voice raised with concern. “Where are ya bud?”

Kagome checked every corner, nook, and cranny in the hope she would find her cat hiding somewhere he couldn’t get out. She looked in his favorite spots, under her bed, and even in the bathtub, but she could not find her cat.

In a last-minute attempt as panic set inside of her, she decided to look for him outside of her unit. Buyo was an inside cat, and if he managed to escape somehow, she was convinced she was never going to see the beloved feline ever again.

His little bell is attached to his collar, I just need to be really quiet and focus on hearing it. With her two bunny slippers and oversized cardigan thrown onto her shoulders, she fought a heart attack and stepped outside.

“Buyo!” She cried out, her voice echoing in the parking lot. “Buyo, baby, come here!”

There was no sound, not even a little jingle or a pitter-patter of tiny paws on the concrete to alert her that he was around. Cars were searched underneath, flowers and shrubs were moved around, and she even crouched on the ground to look in between small areas.

“This your cat?” A male's voice called out to her, gruff and deep, yet welcoming.

In her crouched position she looked over to find that the owner of the voice was her neighbor, although this is the first time she has ever seen him in person, she was finally able to connect his voice to his face.

Kagome had to squint to make sure the giant, round fluffball in his hands was indeed her cat, but as soon as he loudly meowed in his arms it was confirmed from there.

“Oh my god, Buyo!” Legs wobbling from anxiety, she ran right over to the man and hugged him. The impulsive action hit her immediately upon feeling just how big and muscular the man she randomly hugged was.

“I-I’m sorry!” She stuttered, pushing herself off his chest. “I’m just so happy you found my cat.”

“You hug every person you meet?” His voice sounded rough as he asked her, but the flush on his face told a different story. This girl was cute, and he had definitely not expected to get hugged by his pretty neighbor.

“N-no! I’m just really thankful.” She repeated. “He’s my first cat, and I’ve never lost him before.”

The color of her cheeks matched his own, and it wasn’t just because she decided to hug a stranger, it is also because this stranger was the most attractive person she’s ever seen and it had her internally spiraling. With his long, white hair and piercing gold eyes, it was no surprise she was a blushing mess.

“I-It was nothin’.” The man replied, the cat in his arms becoming more interesting than the girl in front of him. He gently scooped him out of his arms and into hers, the furry cat nesting himself comfortably into her chest. “Ya gotta lay him off the cat food.”

“Hey!” She guffawed, “Take that back! Buyo’s shy.”

Her handsome neighbor chuckled, the sight before him was a lot cuter than he’d like to admit. “Shy enough to walk into my apartment while I’m making lunch? That’s even bold for me.”

Kagome couldn’t keep her smile back, the action causing his cheeks to redden deeper. “If Buyo likes your food, I’d take that as a compliment.”

Something about her smile had him reeling, it was inexplicable how this girl he just met could have such a strange effect on him. The same girl who just moved in two weeks prior, who he could hear singing songs to herself while she did her chores and babbled about things to her cat. The new sounds and smells that came out of her apartment were definitely welcomed, especially because he found her entertaining and new.

“What’s your name?” He found himself asking before he could stop himself. He already knew her name, but he wanted to hear her confirm it.

Her finger stopped wiggling around Buyo’s face at the sound of his curious voice, the feline deciding to paw at the finger to make her start moving it again. “My name’s Kagome. And yours?”

Kagome. He thought to himself, her name reverberated in his head. “Inuyasha.”

“Inuyasha.” Kagome smiled again, his name coming off like honey out of her throat. “And you’re a dog demon, right?”

Normally, that question would have turned him off and he would tune out the rest of the conversation because it usually never ends well; his minuscule amount of friends is proof of that. Although, with the way she asks it, he feels the need not to turn a cold shoulder towards her, because the tone in her voice is filled with innocent curiosity instead of malice.

“I’m half. Why do ya ask?”

“No particular reason,” she readjusted the now sleeping cat in her arms. “I just really like your ears.”

Heat flared up in his face again, the innocent compliment catching him totally off guard. The only people who verbally compliment his ears are his mother, the little old ladies he sees at the grocery store, and kids. Besides those experiences, he’s never received something so genuine.

He cleared his throat to play it cool, a smirk painting his face. “Flattery will get you nowhere, but I’ll take it since I saved your cat and all.”

Kagome rolled her eyes, playing along. “Technically, all he did was walk into your apartment to eat your food. He was safe the entire time”

“What if he wasn’t.”

“But he was.”

“I could have kicked him out into the street.”

“But you didn’t.”

“But the option was there.”

“But yet,” she grinned, “You didn’t.” Her gaze stayed glued to his own, the smirk on his face now dimming into an annoyed frown. She knew she won the little game, because instead of sending her cat into danger, he probably let Buyo sleep on his floors instead.

“I’m going back into my apartment. I’ve been out here long enough, and your chunky cat is back where he belongs.” He announced, knowing he wasn’t going to win against the raven haired beauty. He briefly opened the door and stepped inside, and decided to lean on it; knowing he wouldn’t go inside his home until he knew she went into hers first. It’s something he learned from his mom when he was a kid, and he always followed it, especially with girls.

From what Kagome could manage to see from his entryway, his apartment was simply decorated and dark, something she would completely expect from him even though they had only just met.

“Don’t hate on the chunky, Inuyasha!” She giggled at his unamused expression staring back at her. “Chunky cats have more to love.”

“Yeah yeah, go back inside your apartment.” He waved her off, closing the door.

Kagome smiled at his unit number, 200, before turning swiftly on her ankle to enter her house. With Buyo snuggled in her arms, his little body rising and falling with every breath he took, she suddenly felt sleepy as well and decided to turn in for the night.

What Kagome didn’t know was that her unamused, half-demon neighbor had quietly watched and waited for her own door to shut close, followed by the click of the locks to signal that she was safe.

#inukag #inukag fan fic #inukag fan fiction #inuyasha and kagome #inuyasha x kagome #fan fiction #fan fic #inuysha #kagome #ao3 #lavaffair #neighbors au #inukag neighbors au #inukag au #fluff #pining #neighbors to lovers

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waywardfangirl · 3 years

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For the fantastic @fight-surrender: You are a wonderful person with a brilliant mind and a kind heart, and I am so happy to know you! I really enjoyed the prompts you suggested for the Secret Snowflake exchange this year, so to give you something fluffy and happy for your birthday I combined a few of them into one sweet and silly fic - I hope that you like it! 🖤

A big thank you goes out to @carryonvisinata for her wonderful beta work and for making this fic even better for such an incredible friend 🖤 Purr-fect Strangers

Rated: General Audiences Word Count: 3208 Chapters: 1/1 Simon

"Die Hard? Really?"

I'm struggling to make the Redbox give me my DVD. Video vending machines sounded like a good idea when I couldn't find anywhere to stream my favorite movie, but the obstinate thing in front of me and the condescending voice behind me are now making me reconsider my choices.

"What's wrong with Die Hard?" I demand, momentarily giving up on retrieving my video to take some of my frustration out on the prick watching me.

Unfortunately, when I turn around to scowl at him, I make eye contact with one of the most attractive people I've ever seen. He's tall, with dark hair escaping the bun on top of his head and falling around his face, and a perfectly tailored suit hugging every inch of his body right on down to his shiny Chelsea boots. My brain shorts out, and he sneers at me.

"There’s nothing wrong with it, per se. But you have a near unlimited assortment of cinema to choose from, and you've selected Die Hard?"

(Read the rest on ao3, or keep reading here)

I scoff.

"Look, mate, some of us don't feel the need to watch pretentious films just to feel better than other people. I like Die Hard. I'm going to watch it while eating pizza and relaxing in joggers, and I refuse to feel bad about enjoying that."

He looks a bit startled, and his cheeks take on a slightly pink tinge, but he just arches an eyebrow at me. (And manages to make that look unfairly hot too, the prat.)

"What movie are you renting?" I say it like a challenge, and he pushes past me.

He deftly removes my DVD from the stubborn machine and thrusts it at me, before turning back around to get his own. I loiter behind him, just like he did to me, ready to see what movie he thinks is better than Die Hard.

"Two Weeks Notice?" I exclaim, when I see the poster pop up on the screen. "You're ridiculing Die Hard, but getting a rom-com for yourself? Unbelievable."

He pushes past me and turns up his nose. My blood boils for so many different reasons, and it's work to hold myself still.

"This has Hugh Grant in it. My tastes are superior."

Then he swans off, and I'm left standing on the kerb.

Baz

A year into my time at university, I started treating myself to a monthly visit to Sephora. It was easily excusable then, with parties every weekend to justify each new purchase, but I've kept up the tradition since graduating. (Retail therapy and good skin care never hurt anyone. And a little eyeliner does wonders for one's self esteem.)

This month, I'm browsing for something sparkly. My eyes are grey, but with a dark, glittery liner I think they might stand out a little more. I'm just testing one of the pencils on the back of my hand when I see him.

Blond hair, plain blue eyes, and a constellation of freckles and moles across his skin. The most lovely man I have ever seen, with the worst taste in movies, and (I'm sure) a well-deserved hatred for me.

For all that I try to appear cool and confident, my facade sometimes fails me. When I get flustered, I become cruel. The man renting Die Hard was so pretty that all I could do was insult him and then curse myself for it the entire way home. I couldn't even properly enjoy Hugh Grant, as mired as I was in self-loathing. And now, whatever second chance to impress him I've been granted with has surely been ruined by my actions last time.

I keep my head down and steal glances at him through my eyelashes.

He is entirely out of his element, that much is obvious right away. I watch him ask one of the shop assistants for help, and she points him in the direction of a display. His brow furrows as he picks up different containers, and he’s ridiculously precious and hopeless as he holds a lipstick tube next to a garish eyeshadow palette and closes one eye to look at them. (What is he even doing?)

Finally, his confusion seems to win out, and he turns to look around for help, when he suddenly spots me. I've been caught out; I can't pretend now like I haven't been staring, and he scowls a little as we make eye contact. I arch an eyebrow, watch as his face grows pink in anger, and decide I hate myself enough to try talking to him again.

"That's really not your shade."

"What?" It's a simple word, horribly enunciated, and does nothing to quell the wrinkle between his eyes.

"The purple. I don't think it would flatter you. Furthermore, that lipstick clashes horribly with every color in that palette."

He turns a bright red and starts to splutter. I am hopelessly endeared.

"That's not- I, I don't- it isn't-"

"Oh, calm down, there's nothing wrong with wearing makeup," I say, flashing him the back of my hand with the eyeliner tests on it. "You just need to pick a better shade." I pluck a different palette (for blue eyes) and a lipstick in a true red from the display and hand them over. "Something like this."

He stares at them dumbly for a moment, his mouth hanging open. (Mouth breather.)

"You think I should wear this?"

"I think it would flatter you if you chose to wear makeup. That purple will do you no favors." I sneer at the garish eyeshadow still in his hand.

"It's for my friend!" he finally bursts out.

"Are you mad at her?" It's a reasonable question, that eyeshadow is truly appalling.

"No? It's her birthday next week, and she said that she wanted to have some makeup for date nights and things."

"Are you in love with her?"

"No!" No hesitation at all. "No, no way. Penny is like my sister. She's my best friend. We're not…" he trails off, and I'm strangely reassured. He still probably hates me, but at least there is one woman in the world that he’s not dating, so my odds have improved marginally.

"Don't get your pants in a twist. I just thought you might be, since that eyeshadow would certainly drive away her current boyfriend."

He sticks out his chin and seems to decide something.

"Fine. What should I get for her, then?" The “if you know so much” is left unsaid.

I'm not really an expert, despite my monthly purchases, but I'll take any excuse I can get to linger around this starburst of a boy for a few moments more.

"Does she wear makeup normally?" He shakes his head no. "Then perhaps start with something more subtle for her." I take the offending palette away and hand him a more subdued one, with a faint shimmer. "Do you think this would look nice on her?"

He thinks hard for a moment, then pulls out his phone, swiping at the lock screen and turning it to face me.

"This is her."

His home screen background is a picture of the two of them, cheeks pressed together and grinning like crazy under the summer sun. His curls are being tossed by the wind, and he looks like a bronze Adonis. I think my heart actually skips a beat at the sight.

"That palette will be fine then. This lipstick, too," I add, handing him a plum shade. "Do you need anything else?" I ask, and then cringe when I sound like I'm working instead of flirting.

He shakes his head.

"No, this is brilliant, thanks."

He still looks a bit confused, and he bites his lip as he looks down at the makeup in his hand - the makeup for his friend, and the things I picked out for him.

I don't want to go, but I can't figure out any way to prolong our conversation.

"You should get that one," he says, pointing to one of the lines on my hand. I raise an eyebrow in question. He's right, but what does this mean? Is he flirting? Does he want me to wear eyeliner? Is he just trying to repay me for helping him? "Yeah. Definitely that one."

He raps his knuckles on the counter beside us twice, and then wanders towards the check out.

It's not until I'm trying to fall asleep that I realize - he bought the makeup for himself too.

Simon

One of my foster fathers had a workshop, and I spent a happy summer watching him build a table and matching chairs for the dining room. I didn't get to stay to see it completed, because one of his biological children kept stealing money out of his mom's purse and blaming me, but I still enjoyed the time I had spent watching woodworking. I liked it so much that when Penny and I graduated and got a flat together, I saved up to buy a few tools. I don't make anything major, but I've built small shelves and a side table and a pan organizer for the flat, and I really like it.

Recently, Penny has been complaining about not being able to reach everything in the kitchen, so while she's still at work I stop by the B&Q to pick up some wood for a step stool. I'm heading to the check out when I see him - the mean makeup guy. (Although he was actually quite nice when we were talking about makeup. He was just rude when we were getting our movies.)

He's dressed casually today, in tight dark jeans and a warm grey sweater, with his hair falling in loose waves around his face. He's glaring down at two wrenches, and I hate that he still looks so good when he's glowering.

Before I even register what's happening, my feet have carried me over to him.

"D'ya need help?"

He startles, and turns lovely grey eyes up to look at me. It's work not to gasp. He’s wearing eyeliner. I'm not entirely sure, but I think it may even be the eyeliner I told him to buy.

"The sink in my kitchen is leaking. I watched a tutorial on YouTube, and it should be easy enough to fix, but I don't have the proper tools."

He goes back to glaring at the wrenches, and I lean over to take a look.

“You want that one.”

“Why? How do you know?”

“Well, it’s adjustable. You can change it within reason, so as long as your plumbing isn’t something incredibly out of the ordinary it should fit just fine.”

He looks surprised (and maybe a bit like he wants to attack me, although I try to ignore that).

“How do you know that?”

I laugh.

“Basic home maintenance, mate, I’ve had to fix a leaky sink before too, believe it or not.”

I grin at him until one corner of his mouth tips upward in response.

“Thanks,” he says, his cheeks flushing a little. “I’ll get this one then. Yes. Thank you. Have a nice evening.”

He strides off, once again leaving me feeling a bit dazed.

He looks really good in eyeliner.

Baz

When Fiona discovered I hadn’t left the apartment in a week, she called in the cavalry. Daphne showed up at my door with a casserole and some flowers, and within minutes she had the kitchen feeling like a place that was less utility space and more home.

“Basil, Fiona is worried about you.” I rolled my eyes, despite knowing it wouldn’t get me anywhere. “I’m worried about you, too. You spend so much time by yourself, and you hardly ever go out to see your friends or enjoy the city.”

“I’m fine. Thank you for your concern.”

“Basil,” she had said, and that time it was a warning. “It’s not healthy for anyone to spend this much time alone.”

“What, do you expect me to get a cat?”

Daphne smiled, and I knew that I had said the wrong thing.

“Yes, actually. And,” she said, before I could object, “Fiona thought you should too. In fact, she made it a condition of your continued occupancy of this flat. We both think it might be nice for you to have someone else around to talk to.”

I arched an eyebrow.

“And you want me to talk to a cat?”

Daphne just gave me a Mona Lisa smile, handed me a plate filled with food, and told me when she left later that evening that I had forty-eight hours to send her a picture of a cat. (I asked what I should do if I didn’t like any of the cats I saw. Or if they didn’t like me. She said I had to at least prove that I tried.)

So, this morning, I made my way to the nearest RSPCA and talked to strangers for the first time in over a week. I told them that I was looking to adopt a cat, and they immediately led me to a room filled with individual cages and an assortment of felines. They said I could play with any of the cats that I wanted, and now I’m staring into the eyes of a fluffy orange tabby.

The tabby meows at me, and I swear that she’s telling me to get lost. I guess cats can tell when you’re out of your depth.

I stroll down the aisle and read the names given to each cat. It’s been years since I last had a pet and even then, the husky my family had wasn’t my sole responsibility. I was in charge of feeding him, but there was always someone else making sure that I did. And really, we only adopted him when my pediatrician suggested that an animal might help me after my mother died. Daphne is probably trying to do the same thing again now. (Is this how one becomes a crazy cat lady? Depression, anxiety, OCD, and an unwillingness to tolerate therapy?)

I keep walking slowly until I feel a tug on my sleeve. I look down, and a little orange paw ending in one very sharp claw has latched on to me. I unhook it before my sweater can snag, and then look into the kennel. There are two kittens, each only about ten weeks old according to their cards, and the orange one is peering up at me with big blue eyes. Its littermate is asleep in the corner, curled into a fluffy black puffball, but the tabby is ready to play. His tail twitches, and he pounces immediately when I wiggle a finger between the bars. He catches my fingertip in a far more gentle grasp than I would have imagined, then looks at me with what can only be described as pure adoration.

“Excuse me,” I say, moving my finger some more and feeling small claws dig in. Then again, louder, to get the attention of the woman, “Excuse me. Can I see this one?”

The woman comes over and flips the latch, then reaches in and comes out with a handful of fur and knives. The kitten opens its mouth in a fierce imitation of a vampire, then stretches it further as it lapses into a yawn. We spend the better part of an hour in a bright, cheerful room, just the kitten and I. At first it chases a string that I drag along the ground and runs after balls with bells in them, but then it calms down and curls up in my lap to sleep.

I’m petting it and cooing softly to it, trying to ignore the fact that Daphne and Fiona were both right about this whole thing, when the door to the room opens again.

“Oh. It’s you,” says the most beautiful man I have ever seen. My face flushes when I remember our last encounter and I pray he doesn’t remember my ignorance. (Of course he does. I didn’t know how to select a wrench. I am incapable of basic home repair and he knows it.)

“Do you two know each other?” The woman from before is back, this time holding the other kitten from the same cage, and looking between the two of us. “These kittens aren’t technically a bonded pair, but they are siblings, the only two remaining from their litter, and it would be lovely if they could still see each other.”

“Err…” the man says, shifting his weight.

“We’ve met in passing a few times now,” I say, trying to avoid encouraging this line of questioning.

“Great!” she says, clapping her hands brightly after handing the kitten off. “I’ll leave all of you to get better acquainted then!”

For a moment, there’s just awkward silence. Neither of us are looking at each other, both focusing on our respective kittens. Then, his kitten turns into the feline equivalent of a slinky, oozes out of his grasp, and runs over to tap my leg once before running away again. It hides behind his legs, and all I can see is a black tail winding around his ankles.

We both laugh, and the ice is broken.

“I’m Simon,” he says, and smiles at me. It’s the same radiant smile I remember from his lockscreen. It feels like looking into the sun, and I bask in it.

“Basil. Although my friends call me Baz.”

“Are you going to…” he trails off, but gestures to my cat.

“Yes,” I look down and give it a scratch under the chin. “I’m going to adopt it.”

“Same here,” Simon says, and then he blushes. “I mean, unless it rips my face off in the next few minutes, but I think this is the one.”

“Do you know which one you have?” Their names and genders were on the cage, but it didn’t specify who was who.

“No idea. I’m going to rename mine anyway though, I didn’t like either of those names.”

“I was planning on doing the same thing. If I’m going to have a pet, it needs to have a proper name befitting its personality. Not something mundane like Fluffy.” I scowl, and he laughs.

As his kitten comes over to touch its nose to my kitten, Simon clears his throat.

“So, um, like she said, they’d probably be happy to have playdates or whatever. I mean, since we’re getting them. And since we keep running into each other. It might make sense to, you know, exchange numbers?”

“Yes!” I say, far too eagerly. “I mean, that seems reasonable. It would be more convenient than waiting to happen upon you in the Waitrose choosing inferior crisps to set up a future meeting.”

He smiles. “Well, yeah, there’s that. And this way, it’ll be easier for me to ask you out, ”

Then the absolute nightmare sits down beside me and hands me his phone. He texts me immediately once I enter my contact info.

Unknown Number (11:27 AM) This is Simon Snow

Unknown Number (11:27 AM) Your cat is cute.

Unknown Number (11:27 AM) So are you

Unknown Number (11:28 AM) Wanna get dinner sometime? ;)

I blush, and send him a reply.

Baz (11:29 AM) I thought you’d never ask.

#snowbaz fic #Purr-fect Strangers #a gift for a friend!#fuff #my fic

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harristops · 3 years

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I will preface this one last thing here: I know this is me projecting the relationships I have been around the most growing up and into today and yes I am aware that not all relationships are like those and I really do need to talk to a therapist about this (in the US and can't afford therapy atm because uninsured ✌🏼) lmao and I don't blame you not to post this, because I already know its not great.

But what worries me about people (not you in particular but people in general) defending relationships be it any relationship to the death and saying oh this person wouldn't do this if you follow them you know this. Is exactly what I heard about the relationships I've been around the most growing up and because we TRULY have no idea what happens behind closed doors, those relationships seemed so wonderful to outsiders looking in, mind you not on social media either but they ranged from emotional and mental abuse (one was actually physical and not a single person knew until years later, which isn't unusual) to just plain toxic to a person dating someone in my imitate family for about 6-7 years and then telling them at the end that they didn't love them just the thought of them.

So yeah I know not every relationship is like those I've known in real life but thats why I personally can't say anything definitive about any relationship online or in person. Sorry about this ask again. Hope school is going well!

Actually this is a really fantastic point and please don't apologize for posting your ask!! It took me some time to digest it but it's actually a bit of a problem defending a relationship we know nothing about. Like we don't know who AK and Ash are as individuals, we only know what we know about them through what they post and what they do for the public. Behind closed doors we don't know what anyone is like - and ofc not saying that they're bad people or that we should assume they're terrible behind close doors, but every relationship has its' issues and we aren't seeing the full picture with them, therefore defending their relationship to the death or saying that "oh they're perfect they're never splitting up" or "___ would never do that to ___" results in some iffy speculation considering we don't have much context to anything. They're just sharing pieces of their lives that they are allowing us to be privy too, but not the entire thing. It's what I was talking about with that one anon, that all the people that have been around since they first started up have a different perspective of their relationship that people who just follow them now do. Like they shared a bit of their lives, their pasts, struggles/etc., but a lot of it was speculation on our part back then (e.g., the break up of 2011, the depression stage of 2016) - we had no idea what was happening or if they even broke up at that time or if they really did go through anything during 2016 - it was all speculation based on what they were sharing or saying at the time. But I feel like some people (myself included) got drawn to certain aspects of them and almost internalized those aspects so again, it wasn't so much they were defending Ash entirely, but also themselves in a sense.

Idk if that makes sense, but what I'm trying to say is that you raise a really good point about how we view relationships - famous or not - in a very biased way. We want to defend our favs but sometimes we lose objectivity in the process because we don't want to admit that sometimes someone else might not be doing the right thing or that there are issues when it comes to objectivity. I also appreciate you being brave and posting this non-anon because that is very hard to do! And for being so kind and thoughtful in your articulation.

#asks #you are a lovely person and i hope you have a wonderful day #it always brings me a smile when you message me tbh

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loudbpdxoxo · 4 years

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this is hard to come forward about. i've had binge eating disorder since i was at least 3 or 4. i remember sneaking into the basement to eat my grandma's food in huge portions. it hasn't gotten better as i've gotten older. i don't even hide it anymore. i've also struggled with atypical anorexia since i was about 14. it started with skipping lunch and sometimes dinner, and by the time i was 17, i was eating a slice of ham a day and not eating anything else. i was terrified of food and thought that if i ate, i would die. i lost 40 pounds during the summer before my senior year of high school. and everyone loved me for it without realizing that i was extremely ill. they congratulated me on my weight loss and told me i looked fantastic, but all i could see was a girl that was deep in psychosis and starvation. i looked sick even though i was still considered overweight. i starved and binged my way through college, trying to regulate my emotions with food or the lack thereof. i ended up gaining back the 40 pounds and basically tripled it. i'm not at my heaviest, but i'm far from healthy.

that's why i'm taking a huge step for my mental and physical health. about a month ago, my therapist suggested i enter residential treatment for my eating disorders. at first i was terrified and upset. i cried for days. i was in the psych ward in 2013 and 2015, and residential treatment in 2017. 2019 was the first odd year since my 18th birthday that i hadn't been hospitalized, and i was heartbroken. after all my hard work in therapy, i was still beyond getting help in my once-a-week hour-long therapy sessions.

i took matters into my own hands and researched eating disorder facilities. i was not keen on having the same traumatic experience i had at timberline knolls. i finally found center for discovery, a residential treatment facility with over a dozen places for me to go to. i got good vibes from this place. they only allow 8 women at a time, so i know i won't be neglected like before. they believe in health at every size, which is extremely important to me. the best part is that they have two adult facilities in virginia, so i won't be too far from home, unlike going to illinois like i did for timberline knolls. my family would be able to visit. since it's a voluntary program, i'll be given more freedom. i decided this was the place i was going, and i showed my therapist the place and she agreed that this was the best place for me, and she was proud of me for taking matters into my own hands.

i'm fat. i know what to do to lose weight healthily, but losing weight triggers me to starve, which triggers shame because i know better, which triggers me to binge because i just can't handle having such strong negative emotions. you can say i'm lazy, unmotivated, even stupid for not just ignoring my triggers, but that's just not how it works. i need the help.

i see life as a track. it's an old track, with potholes aplenty. sometimes you see the pothole before you run into it, and you can dodge it. sometimes you step right into it and stumble but keep going. sometimes you fall and have to take a bit to get your breath back before you continue on. and then, for some people, potholes aren't enough. we have hurdles of varying heights along the way as well. you jump over them, but sometimes your foot gets caught and you tumble down with the hurdle. sometimes you can get right back up and keep going, but sometimes it takes a while to feel steady again. sometimes you even need other people to help you up. you have scrapes on your body from the fall, but they will heal, even if you still see them. sometimes you twist your ankle though and it will never be the same in bad weather or with too much exertion.

i've jumped over a lot of hurdles. depression, anxiety, c-ptsd, substance abuse, and a myriad of other mental health issues. i feel like my eating disorders are my last giant hurdle. it's the highest one i've come across so far. i'm limping towards it, but this time i have people to help lift me over the hurdle. they're setting out a trampoline for me to use to get over it. and hell, if i get over this hurdle, i'm sure the impact of landing will give me permanent reminders of this one hurdle.

eating disorders don't go away. they are manageable, but my demons will always be there with me. by going into residential treatment, i'm stuffing their mouths with cloths and taping their lips shut. they will throw tantrums, they will scream and grumble past the cloths and tape, but hopefully i won't be able to hear their words clearly anymore.

i'm writing all this because i want people to know they're not alone. if they have the means to get help, by god i hope they realize they're worthy of it.

any support is welcome. i won't have my phone for a while until the health team deems i'm able to have it back, but words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

if you want to send me cards/letters/memes/pictures of your pets/drawings/care packages/whatever, my address is 7809 Schelhorn Road, Alexandria, VA 22314.

tl;dr: i'm finally getting the help i so desperately need and i'm scared but proud of myself.

#personal #tw eating disorders #ed recovery #im like 30 mins away!!!!

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nomand-berserka · 4 years

Text

A little openly honest abridged intro in to me and dealing with my head and my black dog.

I am the newly appointed Team Leader for West Yorkshire with the guys at Veterans Hike. @veteranshike

Ive found a love for hiking over the past few months, since this crazy lockdown here in the UK.

I have struggled a lot over the years since leaving the Army, still dont feel like I fit into the bracket called Civvie. I know that may sound a little cliche. But it is exactly what it is.

I joined the forces straight from school. There was nothing for me where I lived, and with a long proud military history in my family, I felt it's what I'd always wanted and knew in my early to mid teens, that I'd join up.

I felt I did pretty well, considering pretty much everyone I knew, thought that I wouldnt even make it past selection. Well I pissed on their parade let me tell ya.

I'm not going to go into the ins and out of my career. But the tours I did, were SFOR (peacekeeping) Bosnia 98 and Op Agricola Kosovo 99.

Now with that, I've seen some pretty fkd up stuff at the ages of 18 and 19.. But you crack on and get the job the done. Get back home and continue as normal.

Now upon leaving the Army, I felt very lost. Ended up going from job to job, due to not being able to fit in with or liking the people I worked with. Often getting pushed out because of having a different mindset... This turned into a serious dislike for people in general. There was no bond, no brotherhood, everyone out for themselves and didnt care who they fkd over to get what they wanted.

This became the time I started with the heavy drinking and the stupid violence, infact the drink and the violence became the reason I lost my family and almost ended up 6 feet under.

The violence continued, as I just hated everyone... for lots of different reasons. This then led to me serving time on a couple of occasions. But it still continued after being locked up... I didnt see it as a problem, as I just thought "I wont take peoples shit", and I'll show anyone who tries to give me shit. That it will lead to getting hurt. Jump forward to being left for dead with 2 stab wounds... Yes it got that bad. Maybe I was asking for my way out?

Jump forward a year or so of living a dark time.

Its then i got into martial arts (Muay Thai under the tutilage of master Ronnie Green 5 time world champion), a friend of mine didnt want to see me locked up again. Or with more perforations than a "Tetley Tea bag". This became my drive again, I'd found something I could focus on and put myself, my whole self into again.

First session in, I was hooked. Had my first full contact fight at just over 6 months and had plenty thereafter, still have the copy of my official invite to the 2013 world championships. This was my crowing glory moment... This is where I'd found the focus to not be that drunked violent ass hat. My fitness went through the roof and I felt good again for the first time in years

Injury got me though, put me right back to not being able to train. Even ended my career, I tried to train again, but way too soon. Causing myself more problems. Taking even longer to get back to 100%

My anger started to creep back, the bad food the drinking... and yes the violence. then jump again forward to going back to prison for a very violent episode in 2015. Where 2 people got badly hurt. I pleaded guilty. I tried to reach out for help before the day in court. But it was too little too late...

However, in prison this time in 2016 I asked for help. Where can i get it, and who can help me the most.. There was a small eager group called Care after Combat, they concentrate on helping Veterans, who are sent to prison. During and after release. (I'll go into them at a later date).

I've kept my nose clean since then, was officially Dignosed with PTSD in 2017, so done a few local therapy courses Anger Management, CBT but still no actual PTSD help as of yet. Combat Stress, I think may have forgotten about me hahaha.

But the thought of prison!!!! id rather not go back ever again. Plus I'm getting on now, and not a 25 year old dick head. Eith a chip on his shoulder about civvies anymore.

Jump forward again, to present Covid 19 times.

I'm a joiner now put myself through College 12 years ago. The outdoors have always agreed with me. But after a work accident last year in August I had 14 weeks sat at home gaining weight. Bordem drinking and eating shit and the head started to go again. But thankfully got back to work early December.

In March 2020 and we get Furloughed. For however long it may take.

So I gave myself THE talking to. Stay off the booze (well not completely hehe). Keep yourself busy. Find a focus in something, anything. Just dont he that dickhead again.

So here I am, I spend at least 3 days a week walking the Pennines and the moors between my beloved Yorkshire and the dark soggy lands of Lancahire. Its literally 20 minutes from my door to where I park the motor. My head still goes south, but more into the low mood and hating myself for allowing what I'd done in the past. I've had depression for years, but it was always over shadowed by my stupidity. So when it does that, i hit my local park and do 10 laps (8 miles) of that. Or just get my pack ready and hit the trails. Often doing around 15-20 miles.

Now I've started with a small Daystack and have started adding weight, carring 15kg. plus 3 litre camelback, food stuff and inclement weather gear. Its north of England the weather does what it wants. "If tha dunt lyk weather, jus bloody wait 20 minutes It'l change". hahaha.

Doing this has given me more drive in my fitness and massively boosted my mental state. Plus the escape from the rat race bollox that we all have to live through. More and more people have started to notice my weight loss. Down from 20 stone to just over 17 stone. Now I'm as round as I am tall, but for a fat lad I've been told I'm pretty fit... Guess all those years in the Army, years of Muay Thai and Kempo Jiu Jitsu. It must have left some form of conditioning and muscle memory. So this again boosts me. I'm now picking up the weights at home and even got a bike... so this new found fitness is a fantastic feeling again... it's not just about keeping busy anymore, it's about showing people. Who I'd alienated during all these years, that I'm not the same guy, and they are wanting to come on hikes with me now

(Its also pushed me to train for the 3 peaks... but that's another story for another time)

It's also the biggest Therapy I can give myself, sometimes I go it alone and sometimes I have company. The outdoors is literally where I feel at my easiest and most peaceful... The benefits are there for everyone who knows me, to see. Its physically demanding, but it's so peaceful. If I bump into other people, there is always a nod a smile and a "morning/afternoon" exchanged. Not all people are nob heads haha!

I cant stress enough how good it feels to keep occupied physically and mentally, buy doing something I never thought I'd do...

It's become my passion... I'm looking into longer routes all the time, and now looking at some proper outdoors gear. Better rucksack even a tent. If being up the hills for a few hours or just a day, makes me feel things are better. Then surely a couple of days and nights will be even better...Right?

I want to thank anyone who takes the time to reads this, however you see it. Be it on insta, Tumbler or FB. So cheers guys and gals.

We all have hardships, we all need that help at some point. Go out and find what makes it all better, please guys. We all deserve to smile for what ever reason.

Who knows, we may even cross trails someday. You'll always get a smile and a nod from me.

Steve

The Nomad Beserka

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pens-swords-stuff · 5 years

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What do you do when your "muse" has left you? When no matter how hard you try, you cannot put two words together, because the primary source of your inspiration doesn't exist anymore? (Like a person, a location, a music, a feeling...) - In my case, I used to write a lot out of my anxiety, but since I've been getting therapy, I can't write anything anymore. At all. It's driving me crazy (but not crazy enough to write, I guess lol)

I usually take a break. If writing is too hard, if absolutely nothing inspires me, I don’t force myself to write. I always, always give it a break because otherwise I’ll start to hate and dread writing. Instead, I close my document and go enjoy life. I might read a book, I might listen to some new songs, I might go hang out with people, I might dive into a TV show... Eventually, after not writing for a while, I start to miss it, and there’s always something that will inspire me to write again.

I think the key here is to not look for inspiration. You know how you lose something, and even after you spend hours looking for it, you can��t find it? And then the next day, you find it in no time at all when you’re doing something else. Inspiration is like that too — go looking for it, and I think you’re setting yourself up to fail because you have high expectations. But if you let it go, if you just let yourself enjoy things, you might be pleasantly surprised at what eventually will inspire you.

And additionally, inspiration is always fleeting — it’s never going to be a steadfast and consistent companion for your writing journey. Discipline will get you through the hard times. Writing is like a muscle. The more you practice, the easier it will be to churn something out when it’s difficult. If you feel like you want to get back to writing again, try checking out my guide on “How to write when it feels difficult to”.

Finally, I just wanted to say that I am so happy that you’re getting help for your anxiety! I hope that you’ve met a fantastic therapist, and I really hope that you’re feeling better.

I think there’s often a belief that ‘artists must suffer for their craft’ in our society, where people might think that writers who have depression, anxiety, or PTSD write better than those who don’t. One of the things I’ve seen in some of my fellow writers is the fear of losing their inspiration or ability to write if they take steps to take care of themselves, because they’ve been channeling their writing through whatever it is that they’re going through.

That’s a valid concern, and I think that it might be something you’re going through right now.

Weirdly enough, when I was thinking about how to respond to this, the first thing that came to mind was Monsters Inc,.

In that movie, all of the energy in Monstropolis was fueled by the screams of children. It was the very lifeblood of the monsters’ livelihood; so many monsters were employed in the business of making children scream, and the entire monster society may collapse if screams were no longer harvested. It’s a tried-and-true system that works — it’s easy to make children scream, and it’s integrated into their society and it hasn’t failed.

However, scaring the crap out of innocent children to harvest their screams is a terrible thing, and it’s not enough, either. Eventually, at the end of the movie it’s discovered that children’s laughter is a lot more potent than their screams. It fuels more energy, the monsters are happy, and the children are happy.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is... Maybe anxiety is your ‘scream-harvesting’. It worked in the past, and it may have worked well, even. But at the same time, it was hurting someone — hurting you. And maybe, there’s an entirely different source of inspiration out there for you that works just as well — if not better than your anxiety. Your perfect-everyone-wins-solution might still be out there. All you have to do is open yourself up and find it.

I really hope that you find something that will do wonders for your writing, that doesn’t jeopardize your mental health.

I now have an updated FAQ and Ask Guidelines for Writing Advice, please check those out first if you have a question about writing or Writeblr!

Ask Guidelines | FAQ | Advice Masterlist

#writing #writeblr #writing advice #writing help #writing tips #anxiety #mental health #undine answers stuff #undine gives advice #Anonymous

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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This ask was going to be too long so imma have to split it up! 1. Hey! I think your headcannons and your writing are just so, so, so fantastic! I've been lingering around the fandom for some time now and this blog has really had me hooked! Wanted to know if you had some headcannons on Allison? I have a lot of questions regarding her and her powers, but also her career? Because? She's? A? Movie? Star? And? International? Celebrity?

“2. Like, we hear just a sliver about her work, about the romantic comedies and such, and we know she’s enough of a name to be hounded by photographers at premiers and to be talked about by gossip mags, but what level of celebrity is she? Because people don’t seem to always recognise her when they’re walking around in the city, but she is established as “super famous” and Vanya calls her “one of the most famous people in the world”.“

“3. What has her career been like? How was it starting out after everyone knew her from The Umbrella Academy? Did she ever win an Oscar? Is Patrick also an actor? Does she ever get discredited for her career due to her powers? How much did she really rumor her way to the top? I know I’m throwing a lot at you, but yeah, just wanted to know what you thought about it!”

Allison!! gotta love Allison, i have no idea about some of those questions rip honestly i think some part is just,, they live in a populated area. That could be Allison Hargreeves who is supposed to be on the other side of the country, or it could just be someone who looks like her idk. I also,, admittedly don’t know enough about celebrity lifestyles since i don’t follow actors for the most part oof BUT i can provide headcanons anyway!!

so first and foremost: I think that baby Allison learned very quickly that there were solid rules she couldn’t get around and as long as she operated within those rules she could get away with almost anything. And the top rule, the untouchable rule, was hammered into her as soon as it was revealed what her power was: Don’t rumor Reginald Hargreeves

and yes i do believe that this lesson was hammered home with pain the first time Allison opened her mouth to her father and “I heard -” came out of it. You don’t rumor Dad, or else it isn’t going to be Klaus who has the story about the broken jaw being wired shut (maybe it doesn’t even have to be broken)

and since Grace is a robot i don’t think she’s capable of being rumored, and so there’s that threat hanging over Allison’s head when Grace shows up. He made Grace to deal with Vanya’s powers, but he’s always been a multitasker. If it’s discovered that Reginald has been rumored, he has a backup immune to her powers to punish her.

Allison, as a child and definitely to some extent as an adult, is manipulative. She knows how to get what she wants, and she knows that she wants to be safe. Which is part of the reason, I think, she latched onto Luther the way she did instead of any of her other brothers. Luther was the golden child, their leader - he a) had at least some level of their father’s favor and was the most likely person in the family to be able to stay his hand should something happen and b) was in charge of the mission and as such could have Allison take the safer or less gross jobs as he’d want to protect her

I mean, I definitely think she was genuinely fond of him from the start and everything, but those calculations definitely factored in with why exactly she started to favor him so blatantly over the rest of her siblings

i think she was pretty content with her life right up until she saw her first movie or flipped open a magazine and saw glamorous actors and actresses and was like “i want that. i want to do that. i want to be at the top of the food chain where no one can hurt me or order me ever again, and i have all the power” because Reginald is pretty much the only one she’ll take orders from, though she does accept Luther’s orders more often than not (she has rumored her siblings before without a single ounce of guilt - in fact, rumoring her siblings used to be a part of her training until it got dangerous)

so when she leaves home, she does so glamorously already with a lead role waiting for her that she may or may not have rumored her way into getting. the world may never know.

and she keeps going. she needs some rumors, doesn’t need others, because Allison genuinely is a very good little actress. She’s been playing manipulation and walking the line her entire life, she’s good and that deserves to be recognized

and then she meets patrick

and she falls in love

and it’s real. I don’t think she rumored Patrick (I think that little ‘I heard a rumor you loved me’ thing was a nod to the comics, where Allison rumored Luther into loving her. The wording is loose and almost naive, she doesn’t specify romantic or platonic or familial or whatever love idk) I think she actually did her level best to NOT rumor patrick

because at the end of the day what Allison craves above all else is something real

so she falls in love with patrick. they date. it’s hard, because it’s one of the first times that she actually has to make an effort. And Patrick is charmed by that! He thinks she’s wonderful, and Allison undertakes her biggest role yet: making herself the perfect romantic partner for Patrick. Because she loves him, and she doesn’t want to lose him, and she doesn’t want to take the chance that all her jagged broken edges and childhood trauma would scare him off

and they get married, and allison doesn’t invite her siblings because she’s still scared he’ll see how broken she is from her childhood and her broken siblings and want to call the whole thing off or something i don’t know. but she doesn’t invite them. it’s a big huge wedding, and some of them send her congratulations and everything, but none of them come. She doesn’t know whether to be relieved or heartbroken

and then she has Claire! Beautiful magnificent Claire, and Allison loves her so much her breath is stolen away at times. But she’s not good with Claire the way Patrick is, she panics when Claire cries and doesn’t know what the different cries mean. She goes to mothering classes and feels like the worst person in the world because it doesn’t come naturally to her, and if it doesn’t come naturally does that make her a bad mother?

But Claire grows up, and Allison gets more and more stressed about her worth as a mother because the only parental figures she had were: Grace, a literal robot who never got tired, never got angry, and was literally programmed to be the perfect mother for them all. and Reginald, who ruled the house with an iron fist and ignored her on the best of days and paid far too much attention to her on the worst and she constantly wavered between wanting both of those things.

and she didn’t tell patrick about any of that, so he’s oblivious to her growing distress because god damn none of the Hargreeves excel in communication

the first time Allison rumors Claire all she can feel is guilty relief. Because Claire is happily playing with no sign of the tantrum she was about to throw and Allison is frazzled because she’s trying to deal with being a mother on top of not giving up her acting career and she’s tired and stressed and doesn’t feel like she can talk to patrick about it because the last time they talked he suggested she take a break from her career and she needs her career and just -

She only does it a few times. Not many. Not enough that she thinks it warrants an intervention or anything - just when Claire is being so difficult and Allison is so tired and -

(she maybe does it more than a few times)

and Patrick finds out. And they have a big fucking row over it. and Allison promises not to do it again because she loves Patrick (Patrick asks Allison with betrayed eyes if she ever rumored him and she can proudly tell him no but - he looks at her and she realizes that he doesn’t believe her and that hurts unbelievably a lot)

and she manages, for months, to not do it. To deal with Claire’s screaming tantrums and not rumor her. And it’s HARD

but then she’s reading Claire a story, and Allison is so tired and strung out, and Claire is demanding another story and won’t go to sleep and it just - it slips out. A habit she’s trying to train herself out of. And of course the one time she slips up Patrick is right there and -

They’re getting divorced. They’re getting divorced and Patrick wants full custody of Claire - he says he doesn’t trust her around her own daughter anymore. And it would be so easy to rumor him, to make all of this go away but - isn’t that what got her into this mess? The fact that her go-to solution is rumoring whatever she doesn’t like? She accepts the judge’s decision. She goes to the therapy. She works on being able to get back to her daughter.

then reggie dies and the whole thing happens and Allison goes home and

suddenly the goal of being a good mother mixes with learning what a good family looks like and so Allison decides she’s going to make an effort and be a good sister for Vanya. And old habits are so easy to fall into (she snaps at Allison when the wound of Patrick not letting her speak to Claire is still so raw, falls back and aims at the weakest target to make herself feel better and she hates herself for it) but she vows to do better

this got really long so i’ll cut it off here but if u want more like,, present day or no apocalypse allison or her relationships with her sibs feel free to ask for those this was just mainly aimed at before canon Allison lmao

#ask me #heavenisacafe #all such great questions!!#i don't know the answer but good questions to ask nonetheless!#tua #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #reginald hargreeves #luther hargreeves #tua patrick #tua claire #claire hargreeves

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realityisoverrated-fic · 6 years

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Hi!! I just came here to tell you how thankful I'm for your Infinity Love series. I've never thought that I would like the Smoaking Billionaires ship as much as I do now. I lost count of how many times I read and reread some of the parts. I love everything, from their relationship to all the kids (I LO-VE Nate). May I ask for a prompt? Have one, or more than one, of the boys dealing with one, or more than one, of the girls periods pain and humour hormonal changes?

Thank you! I’m thrilled to hear that you love to reread this series. I appreciate you taking a chance on reading Smoaking Billionaires, I know it isn’t for everyone. I’m glad you love this family as much as I do. Nate is pretty irresistible.

I actually found a draft of something I started and never finished about Becca getting her first period. I’ll include what I have, it might be little rough from lack of editing. You have inspired me to go back and finish it. I hope you enjoy.

On Becoming A Woman

When Felicity was pregnant with Bobby, she would lie awake at night with Oliver and Tommy to discuss their parenting fears. The conversations would frequently turn to puberty, sex, and teenaged rebellion. Felicity established a rule during one of their late-night sessions.

“If it has a penis, I’m out. The sex talk is all you,” she informed them as Oliver rubbed her feet. “Straight sex. Gay sex. You guys have it covered.”

“What if it doesn’t have a penis?” Tommy asked. “Do you get to have the sex talk?”

Felicity’s brow furrowed as she considered Tommy’s words. After a few moments, she shook her head, “No, I think all of us should. I think if we’re having a daughter, she should have her dads encouraging sex positivity.”Oliver stopped rubbing her feet, “You don’t want our son to have sex positivity from his mom.”

Felicity laughed, “Our son will be your son – I think sex positivity is hard wired into both of your y chromosomes.”

“I don’t know, that doesn’t feel like gender or parenting equality,” Tommy said seriously.

“I’m okay with having the sex talk with our son, if I don’t have to have the period talk with our daughter,” Oliver offered.

“Since when are you squeamish about periods?” Felicity pressed her toes into Oliver’s shoulders.

“I’m not squeamish.” He shrugged, “I wouldn’t know what to say. How would I demonstrate tampon use?”

“You don’t start with a tampon. You start with a pad,” Tommy said casually, returning his attention to the latest requests from their contractor.Oliver sat up, “How do you know that?”

“Thea,” Tommy said. “I was here, your mom was away on QC business. I figured it out.”

Felicity held her arms up, and Oliver helped her into a sitting position. “Do we need to get Thea therapy – I know it’s been more than a decade, but how much did you traumatize her?” she teased.

“I didn’t traumatize her,” Tommy said defensively. “I crowd sourced the information. I knew a lot of women, I asked for advice, I got a lot back. I used what I thought sounded like would work with Thea.”

Felicity leaned over and kissed his cheek, “You’re a good big brother.”

Oliver felt a little jealous listening to Tommy. He’d missed so much the five years he’d been away. In his absence his sister had gone from a little girl to a young woman, but he’d never given much thought to what that entailed. Tommy got to be there for Thea for a lot of the milestones that made her the woman she was today.

“How did Donna react when you got your period?” Tommy asked.

Felicity rolled her eyes, “She treated it like it was the most important thing in the world. I was absolutely mortified. I just wanted her to give me a pad and never mention it again, but she was – my mom. She bought me flowers, she took me for a blow out, and my first mani-pedi. After she took me out to eat at the Bellagio. She probably spent three days salary on our dinner.” She smiled softly, “She made me feel special.”

“That’s a nice story,” Oliver said quietly. “Did you do something with Thea?” he asked Tommy.

“First, our sister paid zero attention in her biology class,” Tommy said with exasperation. “She knew what a period was, but she didn’t understand the mechanics behind it. I had to explain all of that to her. I went out and bought her pads and a heating pad. I let her stay home from school. We watched movies and ate ice cream all day. I let her paint my toenails hot pink. She practiced eyeshadow techniques on me. We had a fun day.” Tommy laughed, “For a good six months, any time I asked her to do something, she’d tell me, in her most impressive Moira impersonation, Thomas, I’m a woman now. You can’t boss me around.”

Tommy’s story made Oliver smile. Thea had never been overly studious before the Gambit sank. He could imagine her paying just enough attention to pass whatever test they had in health class. He could also imagine Tommy, who always got straight A’s in science and could’ve been a doctor if he hadn’t let Malcolm psych him out of it, delivering a lesson on reproduction and menstruation while trying to keep them both from dying of embarrassment. The rest of it, he didn’t need to imagine because it was still typical Tommy and Thea behavior. Thea regularly painted Tommy’s toes when they watched movies together.

Oliver sat up on his knees and leaned over his husband. He kissed his cheek.

“You are a very good brother. Thank you for telling me that story.”

“You’re welcome,” Tommy kissed Oliver back.

Oliver sat back and grinned at Felicity, “That settles it. If it’s a girl, Tommy gets to have the period talk.”

Felicity laid back down and put her feet in Oliver’s lap. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Fine with me,” Tommy said. “When we’re old, we’ll see who our daughter puts in a home or keeps close to her side, you two or me.”

“Who are you kidding?” Felicity teased. “You would miss us way too much if we went to a home without you.”

Tommy didn’t answer, he just grinned, and went back to answering the contractor’s questions about their renovations.

It was almost eighteen years later when Oliver walked into his bathroom to find Becca on her knees rummaging through Felicity’s cabinet. “Can I help you find something?” he asked.Startled, Becca squeaked and jumped, hitting her head on the underside of the counter.

Oliver was instantly on his knees by her side, his hand searching for a bump on the top of her head, “Are you okay?”

Becca nodded, but her eyes were wet. Oliver looked into the cabinet to determine what she was looking for when he spotted what she’d been after. “Did you need a box of your mom’s pads?”

Becca’s cheeks flamed dark red. She nodded without making eye contact.Oliver reached into the cabinet and pulled out several boxes. He put back the boxes that said tampons and panty liners. He held out the box of sanitary napkins. Becca remained frozen at his side. He was almost one hundred percent certain that this was Becca’s first period. Felicity would’ve told them if their daughter had reached this milestone. Oliver sat down on the floor, his back to the cabinet, and lifted his arm.

Becca immediately crawled into his side, placed her head on his chest, and began to cry. “I don’t want to grow up.”

Oliver cradled Becca’s head and let her cry as he made soothing noises. When she stopped crying, he wrapped her in his arms and held her tight. “I’m sorry your mom isn’t here. I know she’d want to be here to share this with you. When she got her period, your Grandma Donna made a big day of it. I know she’s going to want to tell you all about it herself and she’s going to want to make a big deal of this for you too.”

“Why?” Becca asked with a mixture of horror and embarrassment. “It’s gross and embarrassing.”

“It’s not gross and it shouldn’t be embarrassing. Your body is changing because you’re becoming a woman. You’re entering a new stage of life where you become something new and exciting, like a butterfly.”

Becca laughed and rubbed her sleeve beneath her nose, “Did you come up with the butterfly thing on your own or is that borrowed from a Grandma Donna story?”

Oliver laughed, “Give your dad a break. I’ve never been very good with words and I’m trying to tell you how much I love you and how excited I am that you’re becoming a woman. You’re growing up and you’re going to do great things. You’re going to go to school and find something that you’re passionate enough to study. You’re going to fall in love – probably more than a few times. You might decide to get married, or not. You might decide to become a mom, or not, but everything is out there waiting for you.”

Becca smiled at him.

“How was that?” he asked nervously.

“Much better than the butterfly,” she grinned. “Boy did Bobby luck out. He didn’t have to get the butterfly – period talk.”

Oliver laughed and kissed the top of his daughter’s head. He wasn’t going to tell her that when Bobby started having wet dreams, he’d been subjected to the sex talk by both his dads. Her big brother would probably tell her he wished for the butterfly talk. “Bobby didn’t have the butterfly talk, but he did get the sex talk from your dad and me when he was around your age. Maybe it’s time we gave you the sex talk too.”

Becca’s eyes went wide with alarm, “I’m fourteen, daddy. I’m not having sex.”

“Glad to hear it, but the perfect time for you to hear the sex talk is when you’re not having sex and you’re still willing to listen to your dad and me.”

“You’re just going to tell me not to have sex,” Becca said with a roll of her eyes.

“Consider the sex talk had.”

“No, your dad and I would never tell you not to have sex. Under the right circumstances, sex is a lot of fun and feels fantastic. We just want you to have all the facts you need to be safe and make the best choices.” He handed her the box, “Go get changed. Put on something that isn’t sweats or jeans. Your dad and I are going to take you out to dinner to celebrate. Just the three of us.”

“Celebrate getting my period?” she asked standing up.

“We’re going to celebrate having you for a daughter, and I’m going to wager the new pair of ballet shoes you want that your dad is going to say something way stranger than my butterfly comment.”

Becca shook Oliver’s hand, “That’s a sucker’s bet. Da always says something way more embarrassing than you. It’s his superpower.”

#arrow #arrow fanfiction #smoaking billionaires #olicity #flommy #toliver #infinite love

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