museontheside
if you don't wanna be better, what do you want?
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“I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.”
— Ferdinand de Saussure
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The sky was orange, and the trees were screaming.
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It feels so good to be with someone who puts in the work for themselves and for us. 😊 It feels so good to be chosen. 💛🖤💚
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I always wish I took more pictures. I always wish other people took more pictures.
August & all my friends are leaving home
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A Field Guide to Getting Lost, Rebecca Solnit. Holo, Lee Hi. Louise Glück. Mo Dao Zu Shi, Chapter 58. cold weather, glass beach. Little Forest dir. Soon-rye Yim. Dearly Departed, Brockhampton. @shhhitsfine. Elm Street. funeral for a girl who grew up in the woods (or at the root), Kayleb Rae Candrilli.
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{Words by L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea/ Jacqueline Woodson, If You Come Softly}
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Blue Dreams by Pascal Blanché
This artist on Instagram
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Happy birthday!
Thanks, but I'm not really a fan of birthdays.
It's better than the alternative!
... is it though? Is it really?
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In a couple of weeks, my grandmother will turn 96 years old. I don't know how she's doing or where she lives (in the house? In a facility? Somewhere else?) Because we haven't spoken in years. Choosing to stop reaching out to her was one of the hardest choices I've ever made. But I can't tell people "don't give people who tell you that you are hard to love any more of your time" unless I follow my own advice. I still get these moments of regret though. *sigh* Life is complicated and hard and I just feel so alone lately. I know it's the season. I know the feeling is not accurate. But it still keeps coming up and dragging me down. I feel completely detached from my family of origin and my chosen family is so scattered and they are all off living their lives and I just feel stuck and isolated and sad. It doesn't help that my agoraphobia always gets worse when I've been sick more often and so even trying to go do things and meet people is so much harder than it should be. Bah.
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Maybe everything I've ever done has all been for nothing, but we had some fun along the way, eh?
I wonder how far down a bottomless hole you can go without realizing it?
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The oddest thing to me about doing self-work and trying to be a better person is how many people take that as a personal attack or see it as a threat to their own happiness. It's as if... like I'm standing out in my yard, working on the flower beds and getting beautiful flowers. And they aren't. And they're mad at me for having flowers? And putting in the effort? And.... I just don't understand? I love seeing people's flowers, even when I don't have any myself? We should bask in their beauty, not curse them for not being ours? And hey? If you wanna have beautiful flowers? It doesn't actually take that much work, especially once you get started. *sigh*
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